#My parents need a hobby

[inkskinned]

one of the things about having an unstable parent is that it can so easily ruin your future. you want to get out, but getting out takes having agency. it takes the resume and the grades and the stellar community service history.

but you have to choose your battles. you know if you sign up for an after-school activity, it'll be okay for a while, so long as the activity is parent-approved and god-fearing. over time, like all things, it will become an argument (i can't keep carting your ass to these things) or a weapon (talk to me like that again, see if you get to go to practice). sometimes, if you love the thing, it's worth it. but you also know better than to love something: that's how they get you. if you ever actually want something, it will always be the center of their attention. they will never stop threatening you with it. telling you of course i'm a good parent, i came to all of those stupid events.

you learn to balance yourself perfectly. you can either have a social life or you can have hobbies. both of these things will be under constant scrutiny. you spend too much time with her, you should be at home with family is equally paired with you're acting like this because you're addicted to what's on that goddamn screen. you cannot ever actually win, so everything falls within a barter system that you calculate before entering: do you want to learn how to drive? if so, you'll need to give up asking for a new laptop, even though yours died. maybe you can work on a computer at the library. of course, that would mean you'd be allowed to go to the library, which would mean something else has to bleed. nothing ever actually comes free.

and that bitter, horrible irony: you could be literally following their orders and it still isn't pretty. they tell you to get a job; they hate that your job keeps you late and gives you access to actual money. they tell you to do better in school; they say no child of mine needs a tutor. they want you to stop being so morose, don't you know there are people who are really suffering - but they revile the idea you might actually need therapy.

you didn't survive that fall the way other people would. you've seen other people scramble and get their way out, however they could. maybe you were made too-soft: the answer didn't come to you easily. it wasn't quick. it was brutal and nasty. some people even asked you why didn't you just work hard and escape during school? and you felt your head spinning. why didn't you? (they control your financial aid. they control your loan status. they love having that kind of thing). maybe in another life you got diagnosed sooner and got the meds you needed to actually focus and got attention from the right teachers who helped you clear hurdles to get up out of here - but for now? here?

the effort of trying. the effort of not-dying. that kind of effort was absolutely agonizing.

#writeblr #btw i got out #even though i felt this way #i was undiagnosed and was in a particularly fucked up situation #(it's complicated lol) #i had no money and no way out #no car no license . i still had a curfew at 22 years old #and still. i got out. #you can get out too. #i wasn't allowed to literally do anything after school we were pretty much only allowed 1 hobby #and STILL i got out. #it wasn't bc i was particularly smart or capable or clever. it's that 1. i got lucky & 2. #i knew there had to be The Rest of The World #and I wanted to at least VAGUELY get to the Rest of the World before i gave up trying #sometimes it's the spite that gets u thru it. that sense - fuck u #FUCK YOU ACTUALLY. #im gonna make my own life u stupid bitch. since u seem so convinced i could never REALLY do it. #whenever ppl are like <3 just cut out ur parents <3 im like <3 have u never been poor lol <3 #<3 i needed them to sign my loans <3 #<3 bestie not every person who is struggling is going to be able to make the grades and hero status to get a free ride. #and guess what baby!! we still deserve to get out and have a good life.

[bleaksqueak]

Whew look at you go! Had a small problem with aphids a lil while back, but after a whole lot of diligence they were banished. Still have some of the damaged leaves visible but look at all the healthy new growth!

You may be trying to take over my desk, but I couldn’t ask for a better art companion. The moss in the planter is happy with the frequent watering and shade, but the impatiens is trying to devoir the terrarium moss now too

My oxalis is thriving still, too. But it has its own space above me and isn’t trying to reach out and say hello as much.

Okay, this has been your semi annual habitat update. Back to painting.

Also, hello new followers! Thank you for liking my art.

#photos #plants #witchy vibes #skulls #rats need hobbies too #gonna plant some violets soon since it’s time #wish my impatiens bby didn’t still have some visible damage signs but i’m overjoyed at all the healthy new growth #more blooms moooore #“Why do you have a whole ass impatiens as a house plant. on your desk no less” #well you see #it's because it started as a grass and moss planter and every single plant from my housemate's parents yard decided to hitchhike #and somehow in all of that a wayward impatiens sprouted #I feel very fortunate for my accidental pet #it's beautiful and requires a lot of tidy-maintenence due to how fast it grows and how it just throws leaves/flowers down #the very second it's done with them #so it gives me something relaxing to take care of that rewards me with a pretty but unintentional desktop companion #plus all my other plants are toxic to cats and have to be kept away from them #this one I can keep without fear #even if it does grow like crazy and wants to be a large plant #I should name it #we've been together for a while now and i've never named it

[verdaneart]

Hey, you there, lovely person

Do you remember when you got your first job? Probably somewhere horrible like a McDonald's or Walmart? Yeah, well I'm headed in that direction, and I'm not too comfortable with it. You see, I've got the 'tism, and the (relatively) good kind, so I've got some fun talents. Said talent I want to use? ✨Art✨

How does this apply to the whole job thing? Well I want to use my talent rather than waste it in a Starby's or some shit

so I have

✨Commissions Open✨

and I would really appreciate your support

My full gallery is here -> https://verdaneart.carrd.co/

Prices range anywhere from 5-40 USD, and are always flexible for whatever's needed, whether it's a kitten about to commit a war crime or a pretty dragon

(man displaying pics on Tumblr sucks)

If you can't get a commission yourself, even just referring me to a friend, reblogging this, or just wishing me luck is still greatly appreciated in this capitalism hellscape.

Ok thanks a bunch for taking a peek, have a good rest of your day :3

#art #digital art #artists on tumblr #illustration #furry #flight rising #animals #artist comissions #commissions #commission #art commisions #commisions open #fr commission #furry art #sfw furry #furry fandom #furry commissions #please I need funds for silly hobbies #and to prove my worth to my parents #because they don't seem to be that proud of me #and it sucks #I work really hard #ok thanks

[solarpunkani]

I hate needing backup jobs for my backup jobs

Like. Animation industry is kinda a bust rn. Local library and USPS branch aren’t hiring (unless I learn how to fix up cars and trucks REAL quick). Freelance writing implies I have articles out already, which I don’t. Anything I can find so far thats mildly naturey either pays 13 bucks an hour, involves chainsaws and bears, or both.

Like. What the fuck else do I do? Rot? *Retail?*

100 more reasons why capitalism sucks. How the hell am I supposed to get years of experience if no one’ll hire me and a MASTERS degree isn’t worth shit? How am I supposed to improve my portfolio if 75% of the jobs I apply to won’t even answer back? Why do I HAVE to have a job in order to even survive, let alone get my own place with a nice garden? And why is going back to school a near-impossible option because ~debt~ and ~loans~?

Why can’t we just have nice things

#out of queue #ani rambles #ani vents #i hate capitalism so mucg #i still have my mom trying to get me to monetize any hobby and honestly at this rate I might have to #im turning off reblogs because yknow how it is #i need backup jobs and backups for my backups and backups for my backup backups…. and nobody’s hiring…. and student loans’ll be an issuesoon #and I think my parents just want me out…….. UGH #in other news if anyone has ideas at this rate ill at least consider it

[puppyeared]

3, 17, and 20?

3: answered here!!

17: name 3 things that make you happy

20: favorite things about the night?

send me a number!! 💌

#im.. a pretty simple person shfgh #i dont go out at night or anything so thats really the only thing i can think of ;; i need to pick up new hobbies wiugh #my parents say im pretty easy to please bc im happy if i can eat my favorite meals and draw. thats about it #i dont really have much i want to accomplish in life but it feels wrong to call it hedonism.. i just want a peaceful life ig #ask #ask game #answered #yapping #doodles

[exponentialb-zukas]

ever had to drive Rocket to a Phight? how did that go?

Awkward and quiet most of the time, but it's not in away where I'd be furious at him. I cant control the kid's life.

I only nagged him, considering the fact of how reckless he is with those rockets. No matter how many times I tell him off, it barely goes through that skull of his.

#phighting! #phighting parody #zuka #phighting zuka #//i can see zuka willing to let rocket continue on whatever phights or hobbies that involve explosions as long as he doesnt get into troubl #or like... hurt himself DUH #what parents wants their kid to get hurt bc of their hobbies #NONE !!!! #zuka would probably be angry at rocket a few times if he comes home #with like.. damaged robotic parts #when zuka asks like “what happened” #rocket would probably lie but zuka would catch on and flick his forehead #ok i gotta speak indo to let out my idea #ZUKA ITU PASTI LIATIN ROCKET ALL HURT TRS NGOMONGIN “tu kan.” LIKE THE FRUSTRATION WOULD BE SO REAL #kek zuka rasa khawatir gitu kan utk rocket kan dia anakny!!! #sorry non indo followers i need to let this one out in ooc tags

[outlying-hyppocrate]

always remembering that it is entirely possible that i may have the. seasonal depression

#random thoughts #AUGH. #and to be born in winter !! #my birthday is in 30 days. i don't want anything. i don't want to do anything #6 days before valentine's day. which is going to be my parents' fourth anniversary. #of their divorce. #which i think is incredibly ironic. and so i do not like valentine's day. #but for a special person i may be willing to celebrate it. for the first time. #but. oh. fuck my birthday honestly. i don't need it #all i want is happy numbers. and happy hobbies. and sleep. and my beloved. him. #he is so lovely. so kind always. and so silly. this i enjoy about him. #i wish he showed in more of my dreams. all i ever see are my friends and family outside. #oh! sheets. fuck.

[monkey-d-ezekiel]

personal

#i just don't know how to manage. my low self esteem anymore #i realized today how miserly i've become #i don't spend on anything more than the essentials and even there i cut costs #i see other people spending money on themselves and i just feel perplexed #on their hobbies and stuff too. i cannot fathom spending money on things which don't enhance my “productivity” #i feel like i don't deserve it and i just can't consider my happiness important or put effort into it without feeling guilty as hell #i feel it all kinda stems from how i was raised and how my parents rarely spent money on me outside of what's needed to “advance in life” #and i was called a spoiled kid and made to feel ashamed by my dad for wanting more than my books n stuff #i still feel like im extorting someone or taking advantage of them whenever i have the urge to buy something for myself #even though it's my money now #i just wish i could enjoy pointless things without guilt #personal #vent post

[minglana]

thinking that i need to should get an irl hobby where i interact with people.......... i cannot keep on going like this

#i dont wanna make it sound like i have no hobbies bc i do make bracelets and i write wikipedia articles once in a while etc #but i need to interact w ppl. only socializing w ppl from school and the dorms (+ my parents) is driving me crazy #the problem is that i would love to do some sport but i cant bc of my allergies.... and music. well maybe #but it would take up a lot of time. bc ive been trained to practice and play everything perfectly. so not playing perfectly #(by not practicing) would be..... terrible and i wouldnt like it #and im just. so lost lmao 🧍🏻‍♂️ #i might look at stuff the civic center organizes. or i would also love to do some stuff with nature/plants but. idk where i should look lol #z xarre

[x-itzzzzzz-x]

i think i should go back to therapy

#i need someone to talk to #like so bad lol it’s embarrassing #anyways #my parents are incompetent #i can’t talk to my friends #half of them i don’t talk to anyways never mind about how i feel #i’m just shit to them #i’m just shit idk #i can never trust therapists tho #tbf they r always shitty imo #j experiences have been so bad #but also i can’t take this lol #meds n therapy r what’s supposed to help #n i need it #i keep fucking up all my opportunities and handouts #ik i realistically wont go back on meds or back to therapy #but it would be nice to think id get better enough to commit to that #commit to anything rlly #i don’t commit to people to school to my family to my hobbies to the gym to meds to anything #i always say i wanna get better until i actually have to do anything #idk why i can’t jusg be normal #why does it have to be so much work to just even appear normal n functioning #i miss the old me #they had some fucking will #anyways i’m fine #i’m not i’m so miserable n lonely it’s embarrassing i’m humiliated at my existence #my existence feels like a cry for help that everyone’s sick of hearing i just want to be understood and supported #why can’t i be normal i hate this so bad i wish i was dead #me when i’m sober long enough to reflect on my life choices #tw vent

[dazzlingworld]

ah i am so tired of enstars

#i still like ryuseitai and akatsuki but like idgaf about the game anymore unless something interesting happens.... #i have other hobbies and interests but i feel like i need to stick to the tetora fan brand #i probably wont post or rb about enstars unless tetora does something. i have other interests though #i have really been enjoying dunmeshi and ive been planning to read some terry pratchett #<- only bc my parents have like every book hes wrote so. #but i havent been reading much bc most of the books at the library are crime and im not really. into that #i need book recs

[simgerale]

me when i don’t see a simgerale post 😔 IMY but i know ur busy <3

anna!!!! </3 i miss you too!! life is rolling along and i find that adulting requires more of my time than ever )^: that said, i’ll be near my pc for two weeks so maybe i’ll do some sim things?? we will see 💛💛

#ask #sublimesims #trying to have other hobbies is hard #i started reading and then promptly got overwhelmed by how it would take my time when I need to help cook and clean and adult #back in the day I would sim all day and my parents would make dinner and I’d just be chilling #now I’m like wait I am in charge of making sure I am fed now lol #sounds so silly and childish but it’s something my brain is trying to balance #with work and also doing laundry and also planning a wedding #btw we landed on a venue ! it’s just a family friend’s place #but the field didn’t work out so this should be nice #it has bathrooms and power so it’s already an upgrade lol #and my mom hired a photographer #and we’re looking into someone for catering rn #and I’ve got two wedding showers to go to already in august and September that people are kindly throwing for us #and this is just wedding stuff! we’ve also got to pack and move at the beginning of July #not looking forward to that #to moving yes to packing no #while I’m home these two weeks I’m going to be trying to pack and donate what I can #and I’m dog sitting / house sitting this week as well #(hoping a little pocket cash can help with wedding stuff lol) #and we have to figure out where we want to go for our honeymoon #we’re thinking italy because Japan is actually very pricey to visit in the winter #who knew #and also I’m like the state of the world could be in disarray for all we know #i've rambled far too long!!! sorry guys!! love you all

[im2tired4usernames]

They stole any possible joy of motherhood I could have possibly wanted they stole my entire childhood they stole my teenage years my twenties and they continue to steal my future they won't be happy untill they've taken my whole life

#i hope your in fuckin hell you ugly cultist bitch i hope your getting what you deserve dad i hope karma hits you #i hope all your children grow up to hate you #quiverfull parents are monsters and they all deserve a place in hell #i hope my next life is that is a thing i get freedom and respect in my life #i hope they get a say in their life snd are well loved well rested and happy #im tired of being alive im so fuckin tired of my life #i cant die because there's wo many people who depend on me but fuck life sucks and it really is 100 because of my parents #i wish my future was actually reachable #i wish people would stop using me #i love my siblings i love spending time and caring for them #but i look at all my other siblings and my dad who fits in dates multiple times a week #who get jobs that pay that they enjoy they get hobbies they are responsible for themselves and only themselves they are starting families #they're getting to experience what it's like to be allowed to be a teen a 20 something a fuckin human person they go to concerts they sleep #when theyre tired they use their money for their own bills and wants and needs they get to go do things with they're partners as often as #they'd like to they get to EXPERIENCE LIFE WHILE I TAKE ON ALL THE RESPONSIBILITY #i want to be able to move in with my partner go in dates do things with friends get married write books draw get a job #i want to grow and change #they get to experience young adult life i get the adult responsibility but not the life experience or world knowledge or wisdom #I'm supposed to be the friendless sexless constant caretaker whos hobbies are dishes and vacuuming #that being said i cant make a future if no one is willing to make a move i cant be the only person trying to grow up #this includes my partner my siblings my dad they all need to make steps for our goals or we'll be stuck in a stagnant bullshit of 'someday' #constantly daydreamin about a future that'll never come i need to start making steps for it and i need other people to start making steps to #gwt ready to start growing up I'm not goin to let people keep holding me back forever my life is goin to fucking change or I'm goin to die

[equalseleventhirds]

god I'll do so much shit for positive reinforcement

not like in a sexy way, I'll just do projects and extra work and stuff for ppl basically as long as they tell me I'm doing a good job

something something therapy something but it really is THE most effective way to make sure I do what u want. also feed me.

#conversely if I get zero feedback on my work I'll stop doing it 🤷 #I mean. I'll also work for money but I'm in it for the moderate ego boost my parents never gave me. u kno. #secret algie hack anyway hire me for ur projects (audio/video) #if ur making actual money I will ask for actual money but for hobby-level things..... just appreciate me I guess #taking as always the chance to promote myself bcos I do need the portfolio #and I am getting a little paid work in fact but more portfolio.....

[areyousanta]

I just love that my mother thinks my hobby should only be for profit, not just to make me happy.

#stfusanta #i showed her that zelda #and the first word out of her mouth were #how much did they pay you?? #no i made this for me cause i wanted to #oh well you should put this out there and say who wants it! #like really #why cant i have a hobby for me #she thinks anything i make needs to be sold off #unless its something she wants or someone in the family wants #then i have no choice but to give it away #half of the art in my parents house is things ive made #and my mother feels like its owed to her #for some reason #idk its just annoying #i really just wanted to show her how much better ive gotten from 2 years ago until now #at least my brother thought it was cool #so theres a light

[eldrichthingy]

I'm so tired

#honestly.. I have a lot of thoughts right now and I just. I truly am cursed with loneliness #idk how people do this all the time? interacting with each other chatting talking spending time together. talking about hobbies and just #just being friends you know?.. it's so unfamiliar to me and it scares me #I'm so lonely and I'm comfortable with that #but at the same time. I feel like I'm being chocked. I feel so helpless and wrong because I just can't do it #how do people have friends? how does it even work? how do they keep up with each other? it's a pity I'll never know this because I barely #have anyone in my life. maybe I have like two people that I talk with rarely and I don't even have friends or anyone in fandom #it's so tiring and.. feels wrong to live like that. but at the same time that's what I'm grateful for the most - because I don't have anyone #to keep up with. to feel obligated to talk with. maybe it's really better to spend all the time working and enjoying hobbies #idk how I should feel. especially in my age #yes I know I'm.. fairly young for now but it scares me so much #I feel so wrong for not doing what others are doing. so wrong for not having anyone when all these people just.. do have someone #I'm very very lonely and I'm mostly okay with this but I can't help but feel loss #my siblings don't really care about me and that's okay - none of us are social enough. and I haven't seen my parents for what? for a year? #maybe it's for better #but I just can't help but feel so crushed and lonely because of this. I know I don't need anyone because it's too difficult for me to have #an active friendship but at the same time I feel so.. socially starved I guess? #I wish I wouldn't feel hurt of this feeling #nonsims #delete later #olya's rambles