#More details on trauma and coping mechanisms coming tomorrow (hopefully) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ocean-cloud · 9 months

Text

Crowley: A realist, an avoidant and a lover

A somehow even longer analysis of Crowley's core traits, his trauma, issues, growth and choices in season 2 (and a little bit of season 1, my treat)

Here's Aziraphale's version (Aziraphale: an idealist, a problem solver, a denier and a protector)

As we know, they are polar opposites to each other, in almost every sense of the way, yes in the obvious sense but also in their philosophy over time. While Aziraphale believes in the good in everyone (an idealist) and is a problem solver, Crowley is a hardcore realist, self aware and often pessimistic and avoidant. While in the future this could provide a much needed balance in each other's life, as of now this only causes clashes and inevitable miscommunication.

It is to be noted that while Aziraphale is a problem solver he is often in denial over issues relating to heaven, hell, god and sometimes Crowley (due to his idealism, indoctrination fear etc etc) So often times, Crowley is the first to notice the problem due to his realism and constant vigilance. But he fails to solve the issue because he wants to avoid it, never in denial but always running away from the issue at hand, he hates the thought of losing what he loves, time after time, because he cares to much. This is most clearly seen in the entire 'mystery' of s.2 and also the Armageddon of s.1. Crowley knows there is a problem and he knows the issues and worst case scenarios, with that information at hand all he tries to do is run. When he finds Gabriel he is scared, scared of losing the life they've built, scared of losing Aziraphale. But all he can think of is chucking Gabriel away, while Aziraphale is trying to solve the problem. And this is his fatal flaw, he cannot come to terms with the fact that he cannot run away forever, he needs to step up and confront his issues. He's far more self aware and realistic than Aziraphale, but he cannot for the life of him use that information. This causes them to fight, argue, miscommunicate, and its actively hurting their chances of freedom. Unless he confronts these sides and solves the issue (Armageddon, Gabriel etc) they would have come back to hurt them twice as hard.

At his core he ironically just like Aziraphale, he wants to live in a delusion, a fantasy, a dream. He runs away from the feelings of pain, of hurt, of suffering that comes from heaven, god and now Aziraphale, he refuses to confront it and move past it. He refuses to confront and move past his fall, his trauma. And this is where all his problems stem from.

The First meet:

They meet as he creates the nebula, and he's happy, he is so happy. This is what we get to know of him: he's powerful, he loves what he creates, he is happy. He has a purpose. But then he learns of god's plan, gods plan of taking all that he creates, all that he loves, gods plan of ripping it all to shreds. This is the first time he loses something. And obviously he questions, its ridiculous right? why create this nebula just to destroy it in 6000 years. And Aziraphale warns him, warns him not to question, but why? what is wrong with questioning, what's so wrong in asking a few questions? So he moves on. it's fine, he can convince god, the idea is insane anyway, god isn't that cruel, right? She can't be.

This is the first and last time he trusts god.

The Fall:

the beginnings of trauma, pain and self loathing.

While we don't know why he fell, it's clear how deeply this point in his life affects him, it is his major source of trauma. (I 100% believe that a major point in season 3, will be us learning why Crowley falls)

This is the source of where all his trauma and pain comes from, first he learns he will lose his creations in a mere 6000 years, then he loses his angel-ness. This is the point that changes him entirely, unequivocally, and permanently. He will never trust heaven, god or even hell again, because at this point he's already realized that its all the same. Their just on opposite sides of the same coin, he has already learnt the hard way that god is cruel, god is unfair and god is ruthless. and this, this leads him to become what he is today.

But this causes irreversible trauma, he avoids being vulnerable, he avoids dealing with problems because he knows just how big the issue is so he doesn't even try. Because of it, he grows to loath himself, he treats himself as if he isn't worthy, he simply isn't good enough, his entire being is not enough, not enough for Aziraphale, not enough for anyone. Yes he knows that his fall couldn't be his fault but he still treats himself that way, that somehow because of it he deserves nothing, a common response to a traumatic situation.

This becomes a foundational character trait of him: self loathing. It shows up in many ways, the way he refuses to associate himself with kindness, niceness and being good, his disposition to heaven and his own feelings of being 'unforgivable' makes him this way. Even when he clearly is doing a good thing, he refuses to acknowledge it.

Even if he believes heaven isn't good, it doesn't dispel the feelings of inadequacy, the fear that he will never be good enough for Aziraphale, that because he fell, he is not deserving of love

The Garden of Eden:

This is the second time he meets Aziraphale, a new being, one with experiences that he will spend the rest of his lifetime trying to protect Aziraphale from learning. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that this is the moment Crowley falls for the angel he will meet for another millennia.

He takes an immediate intrigue onto an angel who chooses to disobey god indirectly for the benefit of humanity, he watches an angel who thinks for himself, seemingly unpredictable, and treats him with kindness. He offer shelter of rain he does not understand without a thought, he offers safety, comfort and kindness to a demon. A demon who does not value himself, and yet he treats him like he deserves it. This is how Crowley knows, that there is an angel who isn't like the others, isn't like heaven, an angel that will do what's best for humanity. This one act of kindness is what Crowley will spend the rest of eternity paying back for.

The Flood:

If he had any semblance of trust in heaven in doing 'good' this is the point where its unequivocally gone. While he does see the fall as something not of his fault, a small part of him thinks the opposite even if logically he doesn't believe, but watching god ruthlessly kill off a multitude of people, of children that's his last straw. He cannot fathom the idea of hurting people, people who've done nothing wrong. It ironic really, the 'unforgivable' one has a far greater understanding than god and heaven and even Aziraphale for that matter.

2500 BC: The Story of Job

The beginning of a new dream, of a new side

After watching the flood, his animosity towards heaven only increases day by day but this, this instance exacerbates it. Now not only does heaven kill those who've done nothing wrong, now they want him to punish a man who has done nothing but be faithful to god by killing all that he loves and cares for. time and time again, he is forced to do the dirty work of heaven, just to prove a point.

But this time, Aziraphale is on his side, he questions the morality of this, he in the end goes against god, not indirectly but outright disobeys god. Here, for the first time Crowley sees an opportunity, that maybe, maybe with time and effort they could be on their own side, no more hell, heaven just them (not just the potential agreement, this is the first time he feels like he doesn't have to be alone)

"I'm a demon who goes as far along with hell as I can" -- "But what am I?" "Your just an angel who goes as far along with heaven as you can" "that's sounds um." "Lonely?" -- "But you said it wasn't" "I'm a demon, I lied."

In these two conversations he see's how both of them are so much more similar than they realize, how neither of them fit into either sides of the argument, they are just trying to do their best for humanity, and yes its lonely for him, but he see's how Aziraphale is just like him, he see's that maybe, just maybe there's a chance that they could be together, on their own side. He won't have to lie anymore about being lonely, because Aziraphale will be there.

1827: Edinburgh

At this point there's multiple instances of Aziraphale showing 1 dimensional viewpoints and moving backwards from his thinking and so Crowley tries to change his opinions, in a thinly veiled spectacle, he tries to show Aziraphale that not all 'bad' actions are truly that bad and that if we force humans to be at unequal footing the system just doesn't work. And it does change him a bit, but it can't rid the foundational problems that Aziraphale has, and his denial of heavens issues, that is something he needs to learn for himself, something that Aziraphale will become painfully aware in season 3.

Armageddon and Today:

In the face of Armageddon, he does what he knows best, he tries to run away, away from it all, a place where he and Aziraphale are safe and can be happy. But they wouldn't, they wouldn't be happy, he doesn't realize that he cant run forever and Aziraphale would be miserable if he knew that he could have changed things, and he wouldn't either, he would have to watch as he loses his creations. When he loves something (humanity, the stars, Aziraphale, his Bentley) he loves deep. He prioritizes it over anything else, it makes himself fiercely loyal, protective and immensely caring but also vicious to those that choose to hurt what he loves. And this is a recurring theme, Crowley loses what he loves, time and time again, he was about to lost humanity, he lost Aziraphale (temporarily) and In the end of season 2, he loses Aziraphale again. And this might finally change him, for him to realize he can't just avoid and run away, he needs to deal with his problems head on, he needs to move on from the fall. his own avoidance becomes selfishness and prevents him from helping humanity and solving issues that he understands and empathizes frankly better than Aziraphale. (re: grave digging incident 1827)

And just like running away from Armageddon, he needs to realize that without them spending time away from each other to grow and deal with their personal trauma head on instead of avoiding it, they won't be happy together. This is what will push him to grow, to change.

Growth, the way forward:

In the context of season 2 there is undeniable growth, he becomes far more emotionally vulnerable (which is in stark contrast to Aziraphale who becomes more physically vulnerable, initiating physical intimacy far more in season 2, makes it all the more heart wrenching when Crowley initiates it in the ending, it gives all the wrong reactions, the moment Aziraphale desired the entire season broken because he wanted it to be a happy moment).

In terms of his emotional vulnerability, he obviously finally communicates his feelings and desires for the first time, not with any hidden meaning, or indirectness, just pure honesty, his glasses casted away (a continuous metaphor to how open he is to a character), and also communicating when problems arise (when hell attempts to break in). And while his conversation with Gabriel alone, was all over the place and deeply emotional and frankly manipulative, it has to be said that he is finally showing how he feels, its unlikely he's told anyone this story, to protect Aziraphale.

But he lets it out, he finally lets himself feel the anger and recognizes his own pain, which is a big improvement from "Mr. I didn't fall i just vaguely sauntered down and never gonna talk about it because even I don't really know the reason but it definitely hurts"

He also shows subtle growth in terms of his own self esteem, he moves away from nearly exploding every time someone calls him nice to a more 'eh not really', he allows himself to think that maybe he is capable of being nice, the 4 years away from either side has allowed him to finally start viewing himself as worthy of Aziraphale, that he is enough as he is. So to see the ending from his perspective to see how he interprets Aziraphale asking him to be on his side is heartbreaking, all he can think:

"he wants to change me, I'm not enough, I need to be an angel to be worthy of him, I'm not enough."

In this heightened emotional state he doesn't think of stating actual facts like informing Aziraphale of their actual plan which historically at least stops him in his path to think. But he can't, it hurts to much so he throws anything, every feeling just to hope that Aziraphale will understand. But nothing works, and this might just be the last time he sees his angel, so he kisses him. Frantic and painful trying to show him just how much he feels. Its a desperate act, part of it to convince it but part of it is just selfish, because this might be the last chance he has to do it.

But all he gets is:

"I forgive you.." "Don't bother."

Even in his weakest state, thrown back into his feelings of inadequacy, he does not back down. The "I forgive you" line played through the centuries doesn't seem to mean forgiveness in a literal sense. Its Aziraphale's coded speech he loves using, to forgive is a disagreeing with him but not talking about it, pretending it didn't happen, a distancing tactic, yes I feel it too but lets pretend. His fear only lets him use code, when he flirts, its subtle. This is one of the many dances they do with each other. But this time, Crowley walks away, he finally ends this century long waltz around around each other.

He refuses to apologize for his feelings, for his opinions. And that is such an evident moment of self growth, that he will no longer apologize for being a demon and not wanting to be an angel, for refusing to change who he is and his feelings.

Season 3 will be undeniably hard on him, after losing everything (from the beginning of time to now) it will be the push he needs to stop avoiding his problems (which leads him to become selfish and unable to help humanity) and make a real change, he will confront his own trauma and finally be able to move past it. It will be hard but the reward for it will be worth it, finally they can be together.

note: Pt.2 on the fall, the trauma, coping mechanisms and thinly veiled metaphors coming tomorrow (hopefully)

Note 2: might make a post on 'forgiveness' from Aziraphale, because it is a tactic to distance, sometime remind that he still loves him and not leave any animosity but also he must be aware that it hurts him (and it could be on purpose)

#good omens #gos2 #aziraphale #good omens 2 #crowley #good omens spoilers #gos2 spoilers #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #far too long and honestly a disservice to call it a shitpost #there might be one more post about the actions to each other #more to come in the next post about him because CLEARLY 2.5 k words ISNT enough #he might just be able to finally move past his trauma that he realizes his plants are a thinly veiled coping mechanism.#More details on trauma and coping mechanisms coming tomorrow (hopefully)#“everyday I'm getting closer to talking a bath with my toaster” - Crowley 2023

88 notes · View notes

mnogorgannik · 4 years

Note

2 10 n 11 :)

this is basically an essay im so sorry. watch how hard i can infodump (ill put this under a cut hopefully it works bc sometimes tumblr decimates the keep reading things if theyre in asks)

2. Who’s your favorite of the Bound? What do you think of the different ideologies they have? Which of the factions are you most aligned with?

WE ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER I AM A PETER LOVER THROUGH AND THROUGH!!!!!! oh baby i love that morally questionable architect. pretty early on in getting into pathologic (it’s coming up on a year now...) i thought about peter stamatin too hard and now i’m here. but really i find him to be such a fascinating character!

the thing about pathologic that i love is how almost every character can be as complex as you want. pathologic does an excellent job of implying a lot of character traits while only exploring some in further detail, which in some games is frustrating but patho does it so well! it consistently hints at traits and lets you fill in the details yourself. peter’s character is extremely interesting to me... and maybe a little more relatable at times than i want to admit lol.

i think i’ll talk about both stamatins though! their dynamic hurts me a lot. i’ll start with andrey bc i’ve been thinking about him lately. although i’ll bounce back and forth between both stamatins.

i’ve said this before but i’ll say it again.... andrey’s role as a protector who inadvertently hurts the people he cares about really gets to me. he is not a shield but, in his own words, a battering ram. and the problem is that battering ram has a recoil.

i have to wonder how that mentality of his came about, anyways. the implication is that it’s always just been him and peter, so did he take on that role because there wasn’t anyone else to do it?

in his efforts to protect peter from... military, i believe, he kills four people. which leads to daniil getting mistaken for andrey, which leads to daniil getting shot. and almost dying. he protects peter but to a smothering extent, peter even says he’s been suffering for ten years bc of andrey which is a LOADED line. he protects on a physical level but he kinda fucks up on the emotional.

there’s a horrible irony in peter and eva being the people he cares about the most and both attempting suicide. with eva once she’s missing he immediately goes running off trying to look for her, and . ahh i can’t remember right off hand what exactly he thought happened. but ik he was probably expecting a fight. with peter he says that after that he’ll never let peter leave his side, at least “as far as his knife can fly”... it sounds cheesy but the one thing he can’t save anyone from is themself.

and god the way andrey bases his ENTIRE sense of self worth on peter fucking hurts. they’re not peter and andrey, the architects. they’re Peter And Andrey, The Architect. (thinking about “one architect, two brothers” here.) andrey thinks he’s larger than life and all but he’s constantly living in peter’s shadow. their theatre of death positions come to mind here, with peter standing up, looking down at andrey. but andrey is on his knees in front of peter, arms limp to his sides.... separated by a wooden beam...

peter’s side of this dynamic is fascinating too. his dependency on andrey is. ow. leaving all practical matters and decision making to him... there’s this resentment (That’s Fine I’ve Been Suffering For Ten Years Because Of Him) and lack of communication that especially shows through for him.

while in p2 andrey completely crumbles if peter dies, peter doesn’t seem to care...... at all....?? which hopefully is elaborated upon in p2. he’s willing to talk to aspity about worrying if andrey is angry with him but he can’t bring it up with andrey himself. when he asks how andrey is doing he stops and says andrey is a “tough man” and can handle anything. in general, while it’s definitely there for andrey, themes of dependency are really glaringly obvious for peter.

one of my favorite peter things i’ve talked about before is still his ego!!! peter has a gigantic ego!!! he really does think that even though he’s hit the ceiling and can’t go any further he is still “a true architect” and “the rock upon which is built the stairway to tomorrow”. he has a blunt edge to him and he doesn’t ever tell you more than he thinks he needs to which i love. if he doesn’t want to tell you something he isn’t gonna do it. this is a character trait i think ppl miss which is sad because it’s so good and adds another layer of depth to him!

it really does hurt me how he’s valued for his mind alone (AHEM AHEM AHEM. GEORGIY) but it’s the thing nobody understands about him. i’m nowhere near as smart as peter lol but i do know that pain of feeling like none of your ideas can be understood because you just can’t express them the way you’d like, and then feeling like you’ll never be able to make it happen.

also, here’s a little thing i’ve picked up on. this connection probably doesn’t exist but i’m making it because the stamatins make me lose my mind and start becoming one of those people who looks for connections in everything i guess. peter standing in the theatre of death, andrey below him. peter’s loft being at a high point in the town, the broken heart being underground. peter’s loft is also higher north on the map but the broken heart is lower south. just smth interesting

i have more thoughts on them of course! but this is all getting awfully long. i feel like i’ve only just gotten to the tip of the iceberg even though i’ve written so much skfjskfjs this just feels quite surface level or. at least what is surface level for me who thinks about the stamatins so hard.

anyways i’ll keep my answers to the other two parts of this question quick! peter and andrey’s more creative vs practical mindsets are rly neat. especially because i would actually argue peter is a little more grounded in reality in certain aspects. not all, but certain ones...... their take on the utopian ideology is interesting. hot take: peter’s version of utopianism leans a tad towards humility. and andrey /does/ feel “straightforward utopian” but i think in certain regards? this man has a bit of a termite streak..... (hi al if you’re reading this). but i won’t get into that right now i’ve already gone on so long. saving that for later.

i think all of the factions kinda suck in their own way sometimes, honestly? although all of them are well written and have their pros and cons. were i in pathologic and i had to choose one i’d probably be a termite but everyone around me seems to think i’m a utopian. is it bc i love peter so much

10. What would you be like as a Pathologic character?

this question is a hard one! i did make a self insert once, mile-a-minute, but they’ve become their own oc by now. i think i’d be very...... very afraid...... probably isolating myself why does every pathologic character break quarantine???? also you could trade beetles with me :) thats about all i’ve got sorry this is real short

11. What is something you would change, writing-wise, about either game?

UGH i’ve been gushing about pathologic because. obviously i love this game so much. but the way it handles racism & such (in both games!) leaves much to be desired :/

i see a lot of the points it’s trying to make but i think the way they’re handled can be very messy. there are moments that work very well but. a lot that don’t. (i am aware that dybowski writes partially from his own experiences)

all too often the game “validates” the kin’s oppression and... at times paints them as oddly antagonistic? i don’t like how often as artemy you’re able to be like “i’m not one of those beasts” and i think there are better ways to touch on his internalized racism. in general the constant comparisons to animals is weird. you get big vlad who is obviously explicitly racist comparing them to animals, but then sometimes it’s like “ACTUALLY calling them animals is fine :)”

i think the herb brides are kind of. Hm. in their portrayal. also using parts of the buryat alphabet to denote an accent is weird. making odongh and herb brides inhuman is weird. connecting the kin to Magic is weird.

and, listen, i’d really like to not be playing Artemy Burakh Experiences a Microaggression Simulator every time i’m playing the haruspex route. hate that you either can’t call ppl out on their shit or if you can it ends the conversation/bars you from getting necessary information. glad you at least get to drag the vlads, i guess?

i also was talking about this but wrt peter specifically, and this issue is present throughout the game but it’s especially visible with peter, i don’t like how often you can mock him for his addiction.

he’s obviously in an extremely rough patch! being able to be just so plain cruel to him about the dependency on alcohol (and iirc in p1 hallucinogens, bc aglaya mentions it) he’s formed to cope with his mental illness & trauma just feels bad. especially because yes it is not a healthy coping mechanism at all but... it still is a coping mechanism, if that makes sense?

the way you’re able to constantly rub it in his face feels awful. peter is fully aware that it isn’t good for him and shows a desire to quit. even if he didn’t it would still be awful to say because. it’s just insensitive. like you don’t just go up to someone and keep being like HEY YOU DRINK A LOT YOU SHOULD STOP DOING THAT DO YOU KNOW WHAT WATER IS? feels really bad to keep harping on something that causes him pain and that he struggles with every single day.

however peter does have moments where he tells you Not to say that, or if you pry into why he drinks he’ll outright say he doesn’t remember you being his friend, which is better than nothing.

in p1 moreso than p2 i hate how you can be like oh he’s craaaazy he’s off his rocker he’s delusional!!!! that “why, i never... an architect of schizophrenia!” comment sticks in my mind because it’s just... so genuinely mean. especially because if i remember correctly that line is from when he’s planning on LITERALLY FUCKING BURNING HIMSELF ALIVE

i think if they were going to have all of this they should have gone more in depth on how it’s really. not good that he’s treated so poorly. and i do believe that’s what they were going for, a la the art book w/ the whole “not to be made into a drunken clown, this is a tragic character”, etc. but it just doesn’t land. i’m holding out for the bachelor and changeling routes in p2 to see if they expand upon any of it but i highly doubt i’ll be satisfied in this regard.

i stand by the One time it was really fucking funny to clown on peter being the time you can tell him little girls eat raspberries and earthworms and he just believes you

#asks #patho #GODDDDDD #i hope you wanted to read an essay today

6 notes · View notes