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oligoweee · 8 months

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Smile Hell Info Dump

I'm going to basically info dump about my old Smiler story called "Smile Hell." I never even got close to finishing the story, I only got roughly 20k words in and that didn't even get into it all however I had lost motivation.

In this universe, the Ministry of Joy (it's not actually called that) basically has locations all across the globe that aim for bringing joy to everyone but have many faults and there was even a reversal serum in the works. The Smiler roller coaster does exist at Alton Towers and there are many rumors surrounding it, some of which are in fact secretly true. I think it is an interesting take on the MOJ and I'd love to go back to it someday but for now I will give a fairly in-depth summary and talk about what was written, general lore/ideas, and what I had planned, including the ending.

Trigger warnings for: suicide, mental illness, kidnapping, murder, medical themes, abuse, and gore.

(Not going into detail for these because this is just a summary-type thing but they are referenced so I am putting warnings as a precaution.)

This is gonna be a VERY long (roughly 4.5k words long) post so have fun reading if you decide to, you're in for a long ride :)

[Also here was the cover for it!]

So, the important characters are:

Levee Bailey

Lance Hawks

Archie Bailey

Isa [No Last Name]

Doctor Thomas Lukes

Braylen [No Last Name]

This story takes place in 2021 in Maine USA and specifically a real life county by the name of Oxford.

Many people over the span of a year were going missing and no one was able to find them or they would be found but they behaved drastically different than before.

In Oxford County, two families lived there known as the Bailey family and the Hawks family. Lance Hawks was a theme park enthusiast and would travel all over the world or just go to theme parks nearby in the US, one of these trips was Alton Towers and he offered to bring along his neighbor and closest friend, Levee Bailey alongside her two teenage brothers, Archie and Koda. This trip was only left to references in the story. They went on the Smiler of course and things were fine up until they flew back to the US.

Before that, Koda had been struggling with mental illness and it kept declining but then the trip (and specifically the Smiler) had boosted his mood for a few weeks afterward until it started to decline again. In May, he committed suicide however his sister had been there and for months afterward, she thought it was her fault and that she was a murderer despite everything telling her otherwise. His death was all over the news and attracted a bunch of public attention and many articles online.

So now we get to where the main story begins, September of 2021.

Levee is still dealing with her grief and she often finds herself standing in Koda's room just grieving. She has flashbacks of the day he died quite often. Since the loss of Koda, Levee tried making attempts to get closer with her remaining brother, Archie, but experiences a lot of pain when looking at him because of his similar resemblance to Koda.

Since her brother's death, Levee constantly feels like she's being watched. Like hundreds of eyes are on her at all times. She's constantly paranoid outside her home and is always telling herself that everything is in her head. What she doesn't know is that she is in fact being somewhat watched in one way or another. This feeling is both real and in her head at the same time.

One morning she wakes up and realizes that her best friend (and neighbor), Lance, is not in his garden and she finds that really odd because he's always gardening in the mornings unless he's traveling. Levee tries thinking logically but deep down she feels that something bad has happened. And she is absolutely correct. We soon learn that Lance was in fact abducted and a missing person report was filed however with how many people have gone missing from Oxford County with little to no updates, there's not a whole lot of hope about Lance. (Sorry, pal.)

One of the people missing from Oxford County is a woman by the name of Aria Davis, her case was by far one of the most popular because she is one of the longest lost people, having been missing for nearly a year. Levee came across an article about her disappearance and was quite panicked and that is when she stopped thinking logically about Lance not being outside. So, she did the smart thing and went to his house and spoke to his mother who told Levee the news.

She was obviously upset to the point she didn't tell Archie so he decided to go over there himself and then he got back, wondering why Levee didn't tell him. When he questioned her about it the two started to get into an argument so he left the room clearly pissed.

Now there's a bit of filler but since it's September, Archie is going back to school. Well on his first day of school that boy got kidnapped and Levee did not know until she herself got kidnapped. Fun times with the Bailey family, am I right?

So, on this day, Levee goes to her job which is at the end of her street and it's roughly a ten minute walk (or in her case, a five minute run.) She feels like she is being watched the entire time but gets to her workplace and the day goes on until she has to go back home.

Levee dashes back home as the sun is setting and while thinking Archie is home from school, she knocks on the door as he usually unlocks it for her but this does not happen so she tries calling him and he doesn't answer, she assumes that he's still mad at her from the previous day so she grabs her house key but quickly realizes that it is not inside of her satchel bag (which previously belonged to Koda, fun bit of lore) so she gets a bit panicked as that feeling of being watched is not going away any time soon.

So, she runs over to the Hawks' house and rings the doorbell because she thought someone would be home but nobody answers and this causes her even more distress as she is alone outside in the dark. Levee then proceeds to out of reflex try and call Lance who obviously does not answer and then after this she calls her mother who tells her to go back to her workplace and wait there because her mom would be out of work shortly.

And this is where Levee's fate is set.

She makes a run for it back to her workplace but since it is very dark out, she doesn't quite know where she's going and the streetlights are dimmed. Then she notices a truck going down the street and she could have sworn it was following her. This completely screws up her course and she ends up going the wrong direction and running face first into a telephone pole which breaks her nose.

Levee is pretty much stunned for a moment and sitting on the ground to try and recover and she comes to the realization she ran in the wrong direction so she pulls out her phone and tries to go onto Google Maps but has no mobile data or anything.

She sits there trying to regain her energy and strength to get up off the sidewalk and she eventually does when she hears heavy footsteps coming from behind her. So, once again she starts running and then it turns out she's being shot at by whoever was chasing her.

Levee can only dodge the darts for so long before one lands in her neck and stuns her, within a few moments exhaustion overcomes her and she passes out with one last thought in her head, "I'm gonna die, aren't I?"

---

Levee wakes up on a bed inside of a hospital-like room and it brings back memories of being with Koda when he died. She can't quite recall how she got in this place but is aware of an odd sensation on her arm, specifically the crook of her elbow which has gauze taped to it (implying that she had been poked with a needle of some sort.) For some reason, there is a very small feeling of joy that she can't quite focus on but it keeps her calmed for the most part.

She realizes there is a somewhat dull pain all throughout her head and neck but again, she can't recall what had happened. Despite her recognizing the room she's in as some kind of hospital one, she knows for certain she is not in a real hospital.

There is a description of the room which I will share a little of; the upper halves of the walls are a sandy-gray color whereas the lower halves are made of black and bright-yellow stripes and at the very bottom there is short white trimming lining the walls. The floor is made of light-gray tiles.

There's a table in this room and on top of it is a key card lanyard so once she gets herself off of the bed, she stumbles over to there and takes it. There is a name written on it alongside numbers and she doesn't quite understand what they mean. Next to the lanyard there is a note which tells her how to use it and that only her key card and her roommate's key card will work on the singular room door however the cards work on all other doors within the "Sanctuary." It also explains that she is a "employee," for this place and that she's currently on the third floor and needs to make her way up the fourth floor in order to change into uniform.

Levee looks over at the other side of the room and notices her roommate who is fast asleep, the table on their side contains the same items as Levee's.

Using the key card, she leaves the room and makes her way through a hallway with many different doors that need to be unlocked some of which are other rooms.

She makes her way to the fourth floor, changes uniform, notices there are spots of yellow in her irises (which are normally brown), then proceeds to leave the employee only floors (third and fourth) and skedaddles to the second floor which has a locked staircase as nearly all the doors in this building require a key card.

I will not be going into much detail about the second floor however, it is a living area for patients and has some bookcases that have books and brochures.

The low, somewhat raspy voice of someone catches her attention as they ask her who she is, she introduces herself and they introduce themselves. This is where Braylen is introduced, he is a patient in the Sanctuary and is implied to be a trans guy (this is canon it's just never outright said within the story.) There is no yellow present in his eyes which shows that he hasn't had any treatment yet. Levee states her confusion which causes her to giggle and it makes Braylen uneasy but he tells her the information that he knows about the place.

Braylen states that the place was in fact a real hospital back in the 2000s owned by a man called Doctor Thomas Lukes however the doctor calls it a "Sanctuary."

Levee thanks him for the information and then proceeds to continue her exploration throughout the Sanctuary. She finds the cafeteria on the first floor and there are a couple people sitting at tables some of which are employees. Then a voice calls out to her.

It's Lance, who is sitting at a table in the back of the cafeteria. The two are both in shock at seeing each other and Lance had scratches on his face which would have concerned Levee if it wasn't for her emotions being messed up. She greets him in a cheery manner and sits down by him.

They have a discussion and Lance, being the theme park enthusiast that he is, compares the place to the Alton Towers Smiler roller coaster lore. He actually goes on to explain the similarities and brings up the fact that there had been previous rumors of the Smiler being based off of real events or that the backstory was real.

Levee is completely weirded out and quite frankly thinks he's being stupid, she tells him he's not making much sense and then comes to the conclusion that he was trying to make light of the dark situation. They continue speaking some more and eventually Levee tells Lance to stop talking about the Smiler.

Levee then remembers her brother, Archie, and begins to worry about him to which Lance slowly states to her that he thinks Archie is in the Sanctuary too.

Levee does not take this too kindly but her rage is dulled however she still shouts at Lance asking what he means to which he then stupidly asks why she's panicking and she states that she's not but doesn't know what she's feeling.

Lance asks her a question.

"Does it feel like your emotions are just barely there and for some reason you're happy?”

Levee says yes with no hesitation as that is exactly how she was feeling. Lance is feeling this way too.

They continue talking and then Levee brings Lance up to the second floor to speak to Braylen who is sitting on a sofa reading a book that had no title and instead had a smiley face in the form of "=)" on the cover. Braylen then reveals that the book is fifteen pages long (albeit not numbered) and every single page consists of that same smiley face from top to bottom. It's not very important but goes to show this place is odd.

All three are weirded out but put the book aside. Lance and Levee ask Braylen if he has seen or knows anything about Archie. He states that Archie's appearance sounds familiar and that he saw employees (or at least, ones that looked very different and had metal armor) drag him to padded cells on the first floor.

Braylen also states it was nighttime and he wasn't supposed to be out of his room but decided to snoop around anyway and witnessed the scene.

They thank Braylen for his help and proceed to go back to the first floor and find the cells he was talking about. There are twenty in total and the two find Archie inside the fifteenth one that they investigate.

When Levee sees her brother inside the cell, she is quick to unlock it and go inside. Archie is sitting on the floor with red pinprick marks and bruising on his neck and alongside this his hands are wrapped in bandages that have light spots of blood that had seeped through.

The two siblings hug and Levee apologizes for Archie getting into this situation. Much like Levee and Lance, Archie can't remember how he was kidnapped. They exit the cell and speak with each other to which Archie explains a story very similar to the one Braylen shared.

Archie had woken up in his room and instantly panicked, leaving it and stumbling into two people who are later revealed to be apart of a subgroup in the Sanctuary called "The Ones Beyond the Walls." He explains that they saw him and grabbed onto him to which he tried to fight back and in the process destroyed his knuckles on the metal vests they were wearing before he was sedated and brought to a cell.

Levee takes note of his hands and suggests that they change the bandages. Lance knows where there's an infirmary and brings them to it and there is a somewhat gruesome description of Archie's knuckles. Lance cleans the wounds and wraps them in fresh bandages.

They all leave the infirmary and make their way to the cafeteria and discuss the situation for the umpteenth time. In the middle of their discussion, a young woman walks up and stands behind Archie. She introduces herself as Isa. Levee and Archie take note of one of her most unsettling features which is the fact that she has scars starting from the corners of her mouth going along the sides of her face.

(Lance had already met Isa so it wasn't as shocking to him.)

Isa states that she overheard the group of three's conversation and that she had information she could give that might help answer some questions.

...

But unfortunately, this is where I stopped writing.

Don't worry though! Like I said, I am going to talk about general lore and what I had planned including the ending.

---

So, Doctor Lukes' Sanctuary is the name of the hospital our main characters are held captive in. Despite what Levee kept thinking (it not being a real hospital) she is pretty much wrong because it was and technically still is a "real" hospital however it is not at all a professional one. Originally opening in 1999, this psychiatric hospital was operated by Professor Jasper Edmunds and Doctor Thomas Lukes, their hospital was open until 2011 where it closed permanently with no explanation.

Throughout the 2000s, this hospital was controversial and facing lawsuits in regards to abuse of its patients in there for treatment of their mental illnesses. However, they were dropped. This mostly took place in 2005. Professor Edmunds left shortly after this which meant Doctor Lukes was on his own with maintaining most things. In 2009, the hospital would once again face legality issues in regards to two murders that had happened. And finally, in 2011, the hospital was closed and nobody ever heard from Doctor Lukes again.

This is the more detailed form of the information Isa was going to tell the three if I had written past her introduction, I promise it wasn't gonna be a big info dump within the story lol, it was gonna be more spread out. Also, the Sanctuary info is similar to what Braylen had said. Isa was also going to go into a quick explanation on joy serum and laughing gas used in that place which answers the question on why everyone tends to be calm and strangely happy. (Obviously.)

Throughout the story, Levee and Lance try to uncover the secrets of the Sanctuary and they attempt to make an escape plan while pretty much being under the influence of drugs (joy serum) and doing their "job," of treating the patients. They discover that there had been a reversal serum in the works that would, well, reverse the effects of joy serum however there were many major issues with it. It's used within this story and the effects are shown; primarily aggression.

Who was the original one behind the reversal serum? Professor Edmunds, and then Doctor Lukes proceeded to try and complete it but was facing difficulties. And why was there a reversal serum? Because of withdrawal from not having injections of joy serum for a long period of time, it'd only get worse and worse so this was put in place to completely flush out the joy serum in a way. (Side note: Drug withdrawal is a major issue with the joy serum in this universe and it's especially shown with Isa who is constantly relying on even the smallest dose.) However, as said before, the reversal serum had serious issues with it.

So, what was Doctor Lukes' motive in taking a bunch of hostages ("patients/employees")?

Well, it changes in the timeline.

After the hospital had been shut down and with all of the legality issues, the place pretty much became abandoned and not only that but he lost a majority of his research and everything. He's stubborn and did not try and reach out to another facility or anything like that (they're extremely secretive too) so he took his remaining notes and studies, tried making a new joy serum, kidnapped some people that would later be known as "The Ones Beyond the Walls," and tested on them. Continuously tested on them. And then finally, later on, he wanted to try and reverse things and then give the joy serum again and reverse and... yeah.

Where was he working?

Underground beneath the original hospital. And this is where the main story takes place too. I find the Five Nights at Freddy's song "Below the Surface" quite fitting for this and the original Smiler lore in general (I remember seeing a Smile Always edit with it too so that's where I got that from!) And if you're wondering, "How did no one know he was there?" Well, the general public didn't know. With a lot of abandoned properties, there are still people that own the property and that's the case with Doctor Lukes' Sanctuary. The state people knew allat but not the public, you know? As I said before, these places are secretive.

---

The Ones Beyond the Walls are as the name states: special guard-like previous test subjects that lurk in a part of the Sanctuary that is inaccessible to the normal patients and employees but is very much behind the walls of the normal place. They do what Doctor Lukes tells them to and they lurk about at night. They make sure things are in place and such. They are very calm people that take action when needed.

---

Isa is a major part of the lore. It's revealed that she was the longest serving Sanctuary employee starting from being a patient and it's also revealed that she was Aria Davis from the news article Levee had read early on in the story. Aria was not in a good place and Doctor Lukes had reached out to her and offered her money (one of the only times he was somewhat-legally doing this shit) if she'd participate in his experiments/clinical trials and after a while she then got sick of it to which he then forcibly kidnapped her.

As a patient, Aria had gotten her face cut into a smile by an old employee who she later murdered as revenge and stole their identity (hence the name, Isa.) Due to the murder, she was put through a lot of "treatment," until she was left as who she is; an unhinged, overjoyed, snarky woman who seemed as though she was going to help but was instead absolutely hellbent on dragging everyone down with her as she interfered with Levee's and Lance's escape plan. And, she kept the identity of the murdered employee, Isa.

---

There was certainly gonna be filler but also it was gonna show patients and employees getting treatment with joy serum and then the reversal serum being used. Because of the aggression the reversal serum was causing (albeit temporary) the group decided it was best to give it to people and keep them in the "special" cells that had been mentioned earlier.

Eventually, Isa gets the reversal serum injected into her and since she has been under the influence of joy serum for a long time, it doesn't go too well and she is furious and tries to kill Lance who had injected it. She fails and once she somewhat calms down, she struggles to cope with the feeling of not being in a constant state of joy. She experiences withdrawal extremely quickly and this is one of the faults of the reversal serum however it shouldn't have lasted too long.

Isa still tries to interfere with the plan and eventually she kills Doctor Lukes which wasn't apart of the other two's plan but aids in the escape and when she realizes this, she isn't happy. She isn't happy that the newest group won't go through the Hell she went through and thus she attempts to murder the main group but instead gets it turned around on her and Lance kills her which leaves him guilt stricken but Levee tries to reassure him that it was for the best.

‐--

Finally, we get to the ending. The ending is a decent one and although a majority of the facility inhabitants are killed along the way (by Isa and eventually she herself was killed too), nine out of thirty people (patients and employees) escape and this doesn't include TOBW. Levee, Lance, Braylen, and Archie make it out safely albeit very much changed and still having the after effects of the reversal serum. I did in fact write out the epilogue before most of the other things because that is a habit of mine with writing.

So, the epilogue goes something like this...

Two months pass since the events of Smile Hell and our three main characters are trying to return to their normal lives. Braylen, who was cut off by his family before the events, moves in with Lance's family since he has nowhere else to go. Levee's paranoia is very slowly starting to go away and she starts leaving her house more often. It is stated that after escaping, the group had told all they could to the police and it opened a full blown investigation on the grounds of the Sanctuary and they ended up finding bodies buried far behind the hospital.

And yes, the main group gets well needed therapy after all this Hell they've been through lol

Levee, Lance, and Braylen are all out shopping in the town square before they visit Koda's grave which is their plan for the day. Levee sits down on a bench and waits for the men who are inside a store and there is another bench across from her. Someone sits down on it and they're wearing a mask and sunglasses (which she finds odd as it's not very sunny) but she tries not to think much of it before going onto her phone to pass the time.

The stranger across from her giggles which catches her attention and so she glances up and notices their sunglasses are off. Her heart just about skips a beat when she realizes that they have one yellow eye that was fading and one normal eye (implication that this is someone from the Sanctuary.) This obviously makes her highly uneasy and she prays to whoever is listening that her friends would hurry up so they could leave.

Eventually they appear and they don't pay much attention to the person across from her, they all leave but Levee looks behind her to see that the mysterious stranger now had their mask down and was smiling, but not in the unsettling, forced Smiler sense; it was a sincere smile that pretty much said "Thank you." Not only that, but they had very faded scars present on their face. Levee does not recognize them at all before she realized the possibility of them being one of the Ones Beyond the Walls. She gives them a quick thumbs up and a nod before walking off with Lance and Braylen, off to visit Koda's grave at the cemetery.

And that's all, that is the end of it all.

---

Thank you so much if you read this whole thing! I very much appreciate it, I've been working on this lore for roughly two years but never really shared it with people until now.

If I ever do go back to this project and decide to continue the story I think there would be changes but for now this is the "settled in stone," lore of Smile Hell. I don't really know what my inspirations were for this exactly but obviously the general Smiler lore and what the community has come up with. Also I love stories that involve secret organizations and medical stuff like that. There are certainly things that I find unfitting but for my sake and everyone else's sake, I'm not going to critique my own lore for now.

Once again, thank you very much if you read this entire post, I hope it was interesting!!

—

and here's a meme before I go which sums up all of this /j

#the smiler #smiler #ministry of joy #the ministry of joy #alton towers #olive's ocs #olive's stories #smile hell #info dump #writing #but it's more just a summary #and a super fucking long post sob

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airenyah · 9 months

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5 Songs Tag - QL Shows Edition

When you get this, list 5 songs from the Asian QL media that you actually listen to.

🎶They do not have to be custom-made for the series. 🎶Non-western tracks only. Let's support Asian music and languages! 🎶Feel free to tag anyone who may be interested in participating. 🎶Add #5qls tag to your post for others to find the new favourites!

aaaand another tag game that i'm way too late for, sorry. thanks for the tag @nongnaos, @telomeke, @cornflowershade

okkkkkk so i could easily fill up most of those 5 spots with the bbs songs SO i'm making a point of not mentioning them so that i have room for other songs. just know that i've been listening to แค่เพื่อนมั้ง (Just Friend?) and จะไม่บอกใครละกันว่าเธอชอบฉันก่อน (SECRET) and เพลงที่เพิ่งเขียนจบ (OUR SONG) on repeat for the past year and a half. alright moving on...

here comes my list:

คิด(แต่ไม่)ถึง [Same Page?] - Tilly Birds

youtube

listen. LISTEN. i know i just said i wouldn't list any songs from bad buddy but!! i just really really really like this song ok???? bye. (yes i can sing along to this)

เพลงรัก (Hook) - Gemini Norawit

youtube

i adore this song, it's so much fun!! it always puts me in a good mood. i've got the lyrics of the chorus memorized and i can sing along to most of the rest too if i open up the lyrics on spotify

น้ำลาย - MSP Cover Version

youtube

trying not to fill all of the spots with msp songs either ngl ok so i actually listen to the original version by silly fools too but i just GOTTA mention this one specifically. i really enjoy this cover, i actually like it even more than the original! i like how they chose a slightly faster tempo, and it's just a lot of fun to listen to. partly also bc it feels (and looks) like the boys were having a whole lot of fun singing and performing this song as well and that brings me a lot of joy (i mean just look at the msp prom night performances from that song! fourth seems to be having so much fun with it, it's cute)

พระเอกจำลอง - Getsunova

youtube

if you've followed me for a while and read my tags then you probably know that theory of love (and specifically the khaithird plot) was very important to me for personal reasons as it helped me deal with my very own personal irl-khai situation back in 2021. it's no wonder that at the time i was obsessed with this song, listening to it on repeat every day for weeks if not months. i don't listen to it as much anymore (and you know what that is?? growth!!!!) but the song (as well as the series) still holds a special place in my heart, though, and i'll still listen to it occasionally when it comes on and i'm in the right mood

Kilometer Zero - Ian Pangilinan

youtube

oh wow can you believe i actually managed to squeeze in a song in a language that isn't thai?? anyway, i think this song is super beatiful and i really enjoy ian's singing

special shoutout to following songs from msp:

ข้างกัน Cover

แค่ครั้งเดียว (Once Upon a Time)

รักหน้าตาเหมือนเธอไหม (Love Love Love)

(in reality i listen to most of the songs from msp, these are just my favorites)

once again, i've been so busy so i have no idea who's already been tagged or not soooo feel free to ignore: @newyearknwwme @killiru @gaym3bo1 @recentadultburnout

#special shoutout also to คลาด (over the moon) which to my shock ended up being the no.1 song on my spotify wrapped last year #i thought it was gonna be one of the bbs songs but no #tag game #adrm #5qls #honestly idek who to tag anymore bc i feel like everyone who'd potentially do this has already been tagged #i should pay more attention to who reblogs thai drama stuff from me for future reference #maybe some ''smaller'' blogs who are mostly here to reblog things would like to do this too #(there are actually so many more songs that i actually listen too kjdkdf)

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acrosol · 1 year

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minatozaki sana 24 female she/her — ; where do you get your inspiration, ito yua ? you’re so intelligent , i can’t help but think of running ink on paper and dirty fingerprints on glasses when i hear your name. your friends tell me you can be dishonest sometimes . i guess it’s understandable given the circumstances . besides , i can’t even imagine how stressful physics classes must be — not to mention you’re also in seolhwayeon (captain) ! you’re a local , right ? yeah , i thought so . either way , welcome to mugunghwa !

hello everyone!! i'm may and i'm very excited to share my version of ito yua♡ i hope i'll do the canon justice ;-; psa: i haven't properly roleplayed in a little while and i am currently very confused by the new editor TT so please excuse any technical difficulties that may be happening with my posts in the future, i'm still learning how to use this abomination !

also, i actually decided to not set too much muse information in stone this time, so there can hopefully still be plenty of space to develop her character further with the help of plotting and whatnot ! so, instead i have only gathered some rather lose bullet points about her instead which you can read about below ♡

PAST

back in high school, yua's friends often used to joke about the fact that she must be the first "prodigy child" who hated being called just that. sure, to them it seemed like yua had always been exceptionally smart and thus easily excelled in most classes but it wasn't as easy as it looked like.

in contrary to popular belief, she wasn't as gifted as she seemed and had to spend absolutely all of her free time studying for upcoming tests and exams. whenever anyone asked her to hang out, she would simply claim she had a lot of extracurricular activities going on until someday people stopped asking her to hang out at all.

her classmates soon began to label her as snooty and uppish since she must have felt like she was too good for everyone else if she never had time to get to know the other people in her classes. and what started out rather harmless somehow snowballed into a bigger problem until the entire year started to avoid yua altogether.

she tried to play it off and pretend that it didn't phase her when in reality, yua's high school years turned out to be incredibly lonely. however, the lack of friends around her made it easier to drown herself in books and just like that, she still became valedictorian.

in 2021 during her second year of uni, she decided to take a break and study abroad for a while, opting for an art school. however, she quickly realised that the arts weren't exactly her cup of tea, so instead she spent most of her time there with her new girlfriend. it was the first and only time in her life where her studies weren't the most important thing to her.

PRESENT

today, yua still normally keeps to herself. there are definitely still a few people who believe her to be too full of herself to pay attention to anyone else but it seems like most people pay her no mind.

since she hardly had any friends growing up, she found comfort in seeking academic validation. it is the only thing that seems to bring her true joy, but she still whole-heartedly wishes she was more popular, even if she would never admit it.

in an attempt to find some friends to spend time with, she joined the taekwondo club. much to her surprise, it worked better than expected and she was soon asked to be the captain. it was only a small thing, but in that moment yua had never felt more popular.

yua is well aware of the fact that she is technically part of the keepers but she would never call herself a member: to her it just seems like a waste of time ... which is why she's almost never seen around the group.

something most people wouldn't know about her is the fact that even if yua looks like she isn't paying attention, she definitely still is aware of her surroundings. after all, her years spent in solitude moulded her into a perfect observer. even if she would never dare talk about the things she hears and sees ... it doesn't mean that she doesn't know about a couple of secrets here and there.

aaaaaand this is everything i have so far!! please let me know by liking this post if you would like to plot ♡ i also have discord if that's easier for some of you, so please don't hesitate to ask for my user !

#mguintro #so excited to be here<3

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karolatea · 1 year

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Musings on Minimalism and Cluttercore

Disclaimer: I’m neither a practitioner of minimalism nor cluttercore. Please feel free to let me know if I’m getting it all wrong.

For the past five years or so I’ve been trying to reduce the amount of stuff I own. Moved house which is easier with less boxes, and if you have less stuff you need less space to put it all, which means a smaller -cheaper- apartment. So I also spend some time watching videos on minimalism, decluttering, KonMari, etc.

Second disclaimer: When I say “minimalism” I’m referring to “practical minimailsm”. Less stuff owned. Not aesthetic minimalism, plain colours, simple designs etc.

I never really liked aesthetic minimalism much personally, instead I adore the aesthetic of Ghibli movies. So a few days ago I stumbled across “cluttercore”, which also seems to be inspired by that. So, I thought, what would a minimalism cluttercore room look like? But ask google that and it’ll inform you they’re entirely opposing concepts. I only found a single article that sees some common point. https://minimumman.wordpress.com/2021/07/31/cluttercore-vs-minimalism/ If there’s any others, please share!

However I think that practical minimalism and aesthetic cluttercore have a lot in common, and are, indeed, compatible.

Firstly, a lot of the pictures I found for “cluttercore” are of small rooms. Often what looks like a teen bedroom: Which functions not just as a bedroom, but also as an office and a living room. So of course they’ll be a bit more full of stuff. Even if you don’t own a lot of stuff, you’ll need some for daily life. And if your whole life essentially happens in one room (as is the case for a lot of children/teens/young adults in their first student apartment) all that stuff will be there. Making it inherently look a bit more cluttered.

A lot of pictures you find searching for “minimalist” are of big empty rooms. If you count “space” as “stuff” too you could even argue that a tiny cluttered room is more minimalist than those huge empty rooms.

But you could probably also make a tiny room with lots of stuff look uncluttered by hiding it all in drawers and behind closed doors. However, one other point I often encountered in the minimalist videos is to actually use the stuff that you do have. Wear the clothes you own instead of having them hang at the back of the wardrobe, etc. So how does that apply to things like sentimental items, things that don’t have a direct “use”, but you still own? (Which some minimalists may tell you to throw out, but at least the videos I watched absolutely endorse keeping some of them.) I’d argue the way to get the most use out of the things you own would be to display them. See them every day. If it brings you joy, why hide it in a box?

Since cluttercore main focus isn’t a coherent design, like colour scheme, you also don’t have to buy specific things or redecorate to match that style. Just use the things you already have, or whatever you can thrift for cheap. This ties in with the ideas of sustainability, buying less, that a lot of minimalists also follow.

From what I gathered cluttercore mainly aims to show your personality, to create a room that tells a story about you. With sentimental items as decoration, or also things strewn about that you use daily. Which sounds like you could easily do that with few items as well. Both ideas make you think about the stuff you own and your relationship to it. Minimalism with the aim of getting rid of what you don’t need, cluttercore with the aim of highlighting the things that are important to you. So not only can you do both, they actually complement each other.

Maybe you don’t just want a room that shows your individuality, but actually like the “cluttered” aesthetic, while also not wanting to own a lot of stuff. Of course, with very little stuff you might not have a room looking the same as one filled with collections of toys, flowers, and other pretty things. But start with a wallpaper with a busy pattern, same for curtains, carpet/flooring, bedding, and any other large surfaces, and the room immediately looks more lively. Keep the book you’re reading on top of the nightstand and pens on top of the desk instead of in the drawers underneath, other things on open shelves instead of in boxes or behind closed doors, maybe even a wardrobe with a glass door. Adding pictures/posters to the walls or doors is technically adding stuff, but c’mon, a bit of paper isn’t exactly a lot of physical mass. Boom, cluttercore aesthetic with minimal stuff.

Which a lot of the pictures I found actually seem to mostly be. Sure, there’s quite some purely decorative items or collections, but a lot of the visual clutter actually just comes from pictures and every day stuff being out in the open.

Last disclaimer: This is just random thoughts. I’m not here to judge anyone’s personal interior design tastes or anything. My walls are white and empty and my shelves full of books I haven’t read.

Another article I read: https://lifehacker.com/you-can-embrace-cluttercore-without-your-house-looking-1849079164

A video I watched: https://youtu.be/VL58h47_QIU

Some pictures of cluttercore bedrooms:

https://media1.faz.net/ppmedia/aktuell/629409008/1.8757823/default-retina/mehr-ist-mehr-statt.jpg

https://media.homeanddecor.com.sg/public/2023/02/cluttercore-meaning-singapore-decor-3.png?compress=true&quality=80&w=480&dpr=2.6

https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/a91/b3b/a32eb3461261800c2998c1e03f0492ef3d-Cut-Cluttercore-LEDE.rhorizontal.w1100.jpg

https://www.myhomebook.de/data/uploads/2023/02/gettyimages-83175491-1040x690.jpg

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heartlikeawildflower · 1 year

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Be brave and your heart will fix itself.

Five personal accomplishments that made my heart sing, and 2022 isn't even over yet.

Where do I begin? The year twenty-twenty-two is breathtaking from my view. I have had so many life-changing experiences this past year, but none greater than the fact that I am finding out who I am, and I am finally getting around to doing the things I love. When I turned 60, I decided to quit a dead-end job, and trade it for a life that is all about pursuing dreams. My choice to move to a new city and start college when most people my age are retiring was probably a crazy idea. But I decided that I wanted the whole world or nothing.

This year feels like what I always dreamed my life should feel like. I came to realize that a small shift in priorities and a lot of bravery will go a long way. I chose small significant goals, one layered on top of another, flowing like a calm river just past a turbulent waterfall. I am on a path that moves to the rhythm of the earth, in perfect harmony with god and nature. I am responsible, my future is in my hands, and I have the power to change. I look forward to each day with a new perspective all because I made the decision to change my destiny.

1. I joined the student newspaper staff as a videographer. I wanted to join last year but I was so overwhelmed with everything around me in my new school environment, focusing on my studies, that it was way too much for me. Last year I didn’t know anything about how to make a video on my own, how to operate a camera, or anything about editing, but I was fairly confident that I could tell a story. I had to learn a lot in a short amount of time. In case you didn’t know, the videographer for a student-run newspaper does the following: find the story, write, produce, direct, shoot, edit, mix audio, and narrate. There is no team involved. This year I proudly managed to do it all.

2. I wrote and directed an award-winning music video. During the summer of 2021, I decided to do a self-driven music video project to develop my skills further. After finishing my second semester I was pretty beaten down, my confidence was at an all-time low. But I wasn’t going to give up just yet. From the ground up I fueled the entire project, developed my script, and hired a crew to help me execute my project plan. Honestly, I wasn’t sure that I could do it, I was still learning how it all works but I put my heart into it, and I went for it. I had no idea or even dreamed that it would win a national collegiate award. But it did!

3. I started to make fine art again after a 25-year break. I wanted this so bad. To make art again. So, I did. I made the decision. That’s what I mean about small actions leading to tangible results. The decision to make art led to the action of making art. Sure It had been a while, most of my success was in my past and at this point, I had doubts I was even an artist. I had been talking about it for years. So finally, I just did it and now I sell my art as quickly as I make it. It’s almost too easy how that worked.

4. I started my own vintage clothing business to support myself through school. On top of everything else going on in my life, I needed an income. But being in school full-time made it difficult to find a decent part-time job that fit into my schedule, so I started my own business selling vintage clothing online. I love shopping for treasures, and the thrifting in Amarillo is amazing, so one day it clicked that if I found the right platform I could sell my finds for profit. I see it as an extension of my creative side, to be able to cherry-pick the most beautiful dresses and coats and offer them to someone who can truly appreciate their value is a gift, and it keeps me afloat.

5. I adopted a kitten. Talk about my heart singing at the top of its lungs! This kitty is fire. He never stops entertaining and giving me love. He brings me so much joy and happiness. His name is Lou and he's a silly little man in a tuxedo. Heck, I may even love him more than my boyfriend.

Change isn’t good, it’s great. It’s okay to be afraid, but it's not okay to be boring.

We are all finding our way through this life. My experiences have been subtle and profound and no different than anyone else's, really, but for the fact that I have unfinished business to attend to. I had to learn how to laugh at my insecurities and not see them as weaknesses. My soul is free, my heart soars madly and I'm feeling good.

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newmusickarl · 1 year

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Top 50 Albums of 2022: #50-41

If 2021 was a year of recovery, then 2022 was the big reunion party.

For the first time in two years we had a full 12 months of live music and festivals, with rooms and fields full of people singing their heart out without the weight of COVID restrictions bringing palpable delight. The whole year has felt like a communal cathartic release, as the full joy of being able to experience music in all its various forms properly returned. The artists felt it, the venues felt it, the touring crews felt it and most certainly us fans felt it.

As a result, I think I listened to more new music in 2022 than any other year I can remember. My Apple Music Replay tells me I've listened to 785 albums, 860 different artists, 4,901 different songs and 38,680 minutes of music – crikey that’s a lot of music, even for me! However, my own tally that I keep every year has broken this down into just over 210 albums from 2022 and around 1,100 songs from the last 12 months as well. This has given me the impossible task this month then of choosing just 50 albums and 100 songs to call my favourites of the year.

Pound-for-pound, I think 2022 has proven to be my favourite year for new music at least since 2019. Not only did we get the final big wave of lockdown albums come through, but the return of live music meant a lot of these records could actually be experienced as they were intended – amongst big festival crowds or simply in front of eager audiences hanging on every single word and chord. Whittling this mass of great music down hasn’t been easy but after much internal debate, I have landed on a Top 50 Albums and Top 100 songs list for 2022. The songs will come in playlist form later in the countdown along with a roundup of my favourite EPs and live shows of the year, but for now let’s get into the best LPs that the year had to offer.

As ever, these 50 albums come from a multitude of genres (pop, rock, indie, hip-hop, R&B, electronica, shoegaze, punk and post-punk - it’s all here!) so although there is a good chance you won’t enjoy everything on this list, hopefully there is at least something for everyone to enjoy. Of course, the variety also makes it very difficult to rank one above the other, so don’t get too hung up on the placements. Generally, I’ve favoured the albums that:

Had the biggest impact on me and the wider music world in the last 12 months

Had ambition or something unique to offer

I played the most during the year

Ultimately produced the best front-to-back listening experience

Got it? Good.

Here’s the first 10 albums that made the cut:

50. Ghosts on Tape by Blood Red Shoes

Kicking things off then at #50, we are going right back to the start of the year as Brighton-based indie-rock duo Blood Red Shoes released, for me, a career-best effort.

Ghosts On Tape is a cohesive and imaginative record, packed wall-to-wall with fun, atmospheric bangers, with the pair pushing their sound into fascinating new territory whilst still managing to bring it altogether into a tightly sewn, coherent package. It all makes for a mightily entertaining experience, like hopping on a Ghost Train you’ll just want to ride on again and again.

Best tracks: Morbid Fascination, Sucker, Comply

Listen here

49. Alpha Games by Bloc Party

2022 was the year Bloc Party got their mojo back. Whilst the band’s 2016 album Hymns still had its moments, it very much reflected a band going through a transition. With Alpha Games though, it was thankfully a different story, with this one marking their first record with Louise who is now a permanent fixture on the sticks.

Although it is far from a perfect record as it still contains a few niggles, if you’ve ever been a fan of Bloc Party’s work there is plenty to enjoy here. The songs are great and the band sound rejuvenated, with the new line-up finally finding their groove with one another. So, whilst it may not hit the heady heights of Silent Alarm, it certainly beats Hymns and as one of my all-time favourite bands, this one was always likely to make the final cut.

Best tracks: If We Get Caught, By Any Means Necessary, Of Things Yet To Come,

Listen here

48. Better With You by KAWALA

An album that grew on me massively throughout 2022, KAWALA really do have a sound like no other. This one came alive during festival season and has pretty much remained in regular rotation since that point. Here’s what I said about the album back in March:

“Centred on a consistent aesthetic of catchy Afrobeat-influenced grooves, led by the dual lead vocal harmonies of frontmen Jim Higson and Dan McCarthy, Better With You is the sound of a band getting ready to hit their stride…

This is a solid debut for KAWALA with both flashes of promise and plenty of fun tunes to be found. You do get the sense the band have another level they can hit, and although they don’t quite get there on Better With You, that is something they can explore in the future. Right now though, this is the ideal launch pad and a summer-ready debut for fans to enjoy.”

Best tracks: Sailor, Never Really Here For Long, Searching

Read my full review for Gigwise here

Listen here

47. Islands by Josef Salvat

Aussie singer-songwriter Josef Salvat has always been one of the most underrated voices in pop and he proved it again in 2022 on his shimmering third album, Islands. Darkly personal but with vibrant synths and killer hooks, there were few better pure pop records this year. Here’s what I said all the way back in February:

“Salvat is now creating as an independent, having left Sony after the release of his sophomore album Modern Anxiety. The result is a record that, despite it largely being crafted during lockdown, sounds unfettered and more liberated than any of his previous work. The moody ballads have been mostly sidelined this time around, with Salvat instead crafting an upbeat pop record that boasts vibrant production, catchy melodies and emotionally-charged songwriting.

Islands is a triumph and easily Josef Salvat’s strongest album so far. Free of major label pressure, he has finally delivered the captivating pop album you feel he’s always wanted to make. Calling back to his own words on the title track, Josef is now exactly where he needs to be—and he’s never sounded better.”

Best tracks: The Drum, Islands, Sunbeams

Read my full review for Gigwise here

Listen here

46. The Present Is A Foreign Land by Deaf Havana

Back from the brink of extinction, Deaf Havana delivered their excellent sixth album in 2022 that was as heartbreakingly personal as it was anthemic. Here’s what I had to say back in July:

“In its simplest terms, The Present Is A Foreign Land is the soaring stadium rock of Bruce Springsteen colliding with the moody, self-reflective pop of The 1975, but it is also much more than that.

Narratively the album tells the story of the band’s last three years, taking the listener through their whole challenging ordeal, unfiltered. At various stages, the brothers confess to their existential crises, relationship breakdowns, alcoholism, mental health issues and other intensely personal struggles. It can be a dark listen at times, but thankfully the uplifting nature of the music and splashes of hopefulness stop it from ever being too overwhelming.

Overall, The Present Is A Foreign Land is a magnificent rebirth – a deeply personal record from beginning to end, simply brimming with all the heart and resilience the brothers could muster.”

Best tracks: Nevermind, Kids, Someone/Somewhere

Read my full review for Gigwise here

Read my interview with Deaf Havana on the making of the album here

Listen here

45. Now or Whenever by Spector

An album that I proclaimed as “the first great record of 2022” back in January, it may have taken Spector seven years to finally release the follow-up to their glorious sophomore album Moth Boys (the record I named as my Album of the Year back in 2015), but Now or Whenever was well worth the wait. Steered by Fred Macpherson’s wildly unique, astute lyricism and Jed Cullen’s masterful guitar work, Now or Whenever is Spector delivering another soaring collection of poetic and wonderfully crafted indie anthems.

Due to the gap between their last two records and the narrative of the band changes, many publications at the time described this album as a “rebirth” for Spector, but for me this album was never that at all. This is simply one of the best indie bands of the last decade creating the great songs they always have done.

Best tracks: Funny Way of Showing It, This Time Next Year, Catch You on the Way Back In

Listen here

44. The Dream by Alt-J

I’m pleased to say that Alt-J finally emerged from the shadow of their incredible, Mercury Prize-winning debut An Awesome Wave in 2022. Now whilst fourth album The Dream may not quite stand shoulder-to-shoulder with that record, it was certainly a big step up from its two predecessors and easily their second-best outing to date.

From cinematic overture Bane, to groovy singles U&ME and Hard Drive Gold, through to the wonderfully quirky moments like Philadelphia, some of the band’s most interesting work is littered across this one. However, the record really shines for me in some of the quieter moments, with the beautifully understated Get Better and Cormac McCarthy inspired Happier When You’re Gone arguably the best of the bunch.

A big bounce back after Relaxer, The Dream is an engaging front-to-back listen with plenty flashes of both beauty and intrigue.

Best tracks: Get Better, Philadelphia, Bane

Listen here

43. Reeling by The Mysterines

Arriving earlier this year in a quieter week for new music releases, I’m so glad I found this debut from Liverpool rock quartet The Mysterines, as it proved to be one of the finest first outings all year. Packed throughout with seismic grunge riffs, big festival-ready anthems and powerful lead vocals from frontwoman Lia Metcalfe, this is a moody and assured debut that will have you moshing out in no time.

Basically, if you were to create a venn diagram with classic bands like Nirvana, Hole and Sonic Youth, and more modern ones like Arctic Monkeys and Nothing But Thieves, you’d probably find The Mysterines floating around in the middle sweet spot. Opening on the full throttle roar of Life’s A Bitch (But I Like It So Much), the four-piece spend the next 40 minutes ripping things up and packing a punch with their intoxicating bluesy rock sound. It makes for a thrilling listen, with plenty of sonic nods to classic rock bands of years gone by, but also a freshness brought about by their own palpable youthful energy.

Best tracks: Still Call You Home, Hung Up, All These Things

Listen here

42. CRASH by Charli XCX

In 2022, the career of experimental pop genius Charli XCX really did come full circle. Having made the original (and still arguably the best) lockdown record in the form of the Mercury Prize-nominated How I’m Feeling Now, CRASH sees Charli turn everything up to 11 and go all out with an album that is just pure wall-to-wall pop bangers. I did originally consider not including this, but there really is no denying just how joyously infectious this album is and, as a result, it has easily been one of my most played records of the year.

CRASH is an album that sees Charli strike the balance between hit-making machine and visionary pop artist. Although at times it can feel like it is built to sell, critics and fans of her later work will still find plenty of her own stylistic signature painted across CRASH, with splatters of modern flair and experimental production techniques amongst the big, polished 80s throwback numbers.

Also, what CRASH lacks in How I’m Feeling Now’s instant and lasting impact, Charli makes up for with fun, playful pop and very few duff moments. Singles Good Ones and You Used To Know Me are mightily catchy, the collaborations with Christine & The Queens, Caroline Polachek and Rina Sawayama all continue to pop off, and there’s plenty of quite intriguing new cuts too such as the late-night quiet rave of Move Me and the dream-pop melancholy of Every Rule.

So whilst I wouldn’t say this is her best project, it is still one of the finest pop records of the year and a solid culmination of - and testament to - Charli’s career to this point.

Best tracks: Good Ones, You Used To Know Me, Every Rule

Listen here

41. Ribbon Around The Bomb by Blossoms

Is it just me or has this album massively flown under the radar this year?

Whilst I appreciate the Stockport indie rockers have set the standard pretty high with their discography so far and the tracks here may not marry up to their catalogue’s biggest singles, Ribbon Around The Bomb sees Blossoms achieve greater artistic maturity with some of their most finely constructed songs to date.

I’m also fully convinced they simply don’t know how to make a bad record at this point, as this is another thrilling 35-minute listen that boasts catchy, instantly timeless songs from start to finish. Ode To NYC will hook you in straight away, a romantic love letter to The Big Apple driven by sweet harmonies and galloping acoustic guitars. Born Wild is another highlight, a hugely cinematic number that draws comparisons to some of The War On Drugs’ recent material. Single Care For still sounds great too, with its 70s flair and swooning, string-tinged melody.

However, it is in the back end of the track list where the best songs really start to appear. Cinerama Holy Days is a wonderful Northern Soul-inspired number, with its upbeat piano melody and cooing backing vocals. Edith Machinist will then have you checking you haven’t accidentally put The Coral on instead (in a good way), before closer Visions delivers an epic seven minutes of bluesy guitars, soaring strings and exquisitely crafted laidback grooves.

With nostalgic sounds, cinematic production and superb songwriting, in another year this one could’ve easily ended up a little bit higher.

Best tracks: Visions, Cinerama Holy Days, Ode to NYC

Listen here

The countdown continues on Sunday with #40-31!

#album of the year #new music #best new music #album recommendation #best of 2022 #blossoms #charli xcx #deaf havana #spector #the mysterines #alt j #josef salvat #bloc party #kawala #blood red shoes #albums of the year #aoty #best albums of 2022

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wissbby · 3 years

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My gratitude.

First things first: a very happy new year! This year has been one of the rockiest years for most of all. May the new year be filled with brightness and hope so that darkness and sadness stay away from you. I love you and please stay safe while enjoying this night.

To my followers

Much thanks to every individual who has tailed me on Tumblr and indeed read my posts. I am fortunate to have all of you and to share my considerations. This year was tough for everyone, including me and I want to thank all of you for being so patient with me and staying with me. There will never be enough words to express my appreciation and love towards all of you. I love you! May this year be yours.

To my first love, Neva ― @miitsurii

I know I’m not the easiest friend to exist and I want to thank you first for putting up with my shit. You truly are an angel sent from heaven. I’m thankful for every moment we get to share together (though, those are mostly online because a bitch doesn’t leave her house). We’ve known each other since we were little toddlers. I literally can’t imagine my life without you in it. Thank you for always being by my side, Neva. The fucking love of my life. I love you, I love you a whole lot.

To my little one, Fizzy ― @katsuriin

We haven’t known each other that long but it feels like I know you like the back of my hand. I’m proud of you, Fizzy. So very proud. I know things are hard but you’re so strong to get through it all. And I’m always here to hold your hand through it all. You’re always there to hear me whether I was cracking a stupid joke, complaining about life, or just blabbering. Thanks for being a non-judgmental listener and a true friend. I love you lots, little fox.

To my pretty baby, Lex ― @zukosankle

Where do I even start? Princess, you never fail to make me smile. Your presence is a blessing. From your bald memes to your supportive messages, I appreciate it all. I’m incredibly thankful to have met you this year. I hope we will make many more beautiful moments and meet fairly soon! I love you, pretty princess.

To my sweetheart, Tee ― @teeyoomi

Tee, let me start off by saying how fucking much I love being surrounded by your energy. It’s so contagious and you never fail to make me laugh. I’m proud of you too. Life gets rough but you manage to get back on your feet every single time. You’re so strong, love. Thank you for being there for me as well, I hope you know the feeling will forever be mutual. I love you, sweetheart. Let’s have many more brain rot hours.

To the love of my life, Mila ― @kurooskult

Mila, you already made me cry this morning but I love you nonetheless. Times can be tricky and life gets hard. However, you’re one of the strongest people I’ve met in my life and I hope you see that yourself, too. I wish to give you so much more than just a thank you note for being the beautiful person you are. I will forever remain by your side and be there for you whenever you need me, love. You manage to make me smile by just popping up on my phone. I’m unbelievably thankful to have met you this year. Let’s go through many more years together. I love you, my love.

To my dear lovebug, Cupid ― @yamagucji

Cupid- sigh, where do I start? I love the chaotic energy you always manage to create with me. We’ve been moots for a pretty long while but decided to bond over inedible flower soup and muddy pie (which we still have to make together and eat too). I’m incredibly thankful for everything you’ve done for me. Sending you every bit of love that I have in my little body. I love you, you little lovebug.

To my little angel, Val ― @cutiekawa

Little angel, Val. I know we haven’t talked that much yet but from the little interactions we’ve already had, I can tell you’re a wonderful person inside and outside. Your happy vibes never fail to boost up my mood and turn my phone off without a smile. Thank you for letting us be moots. I wish you a very healthy and good year, my little angel. I love you.

To my housepet, Ollie ― @astrooliver

It has only been two to three days and I’m head over heels in love with you. I’m looking forward to our trip to Morocco to ride those horses with pretty scenery and feeding your tiny goats. Let’s make some more memories and enjoy every moment we share together.

To my ball of energy, Runa ― @kageruna

I live for your energy, my god. Whenever I see you pop on my screen, I already know I will be left with a fat smile curled into my lips. I hope we will get to know each other even more because you seem like such a sweet and fun person to be around. Thank you, Runa, for these beautiful memories.

To those I haven’t tagged, I’m sorry, hehe. Today has been hectic and very busy but that doesn’t mean I love any of you any less. I love you and I wish all of you stay safe and have a healthy new year with the people you love. I looooooooooooove youuuu <3

#wiss.babbles #Happy new year!#May 2021 bring you a whole lot of joy #I love all of youuuuu #<3

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boldlyvoid · 3 years

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Amoreena | Chapter two

Chapter Two

summary: Heaven is a real place and it's located exactly 14.6 miles away from the FBI, Quantico Headquarters. Off behind a small park, under a fantastical willow tree surrounded by wildflowers, in every colour young minds can imagine.

Don't forget, heaven also comes with angels.

Warnings: fluff, hurt/comfort, depressed spencer, reader has a daughter, falling in love, strangers to lovers

word count: 6k

a/n: this is set May 2021 in my brain just in case anyone was wondering while reading it !! here is the pinterest board and the spotify playlist for the fic too!

from the beginning <3

They were sitting on the steps of the Smithsonian when he arrived. Y/N was a vision in a yellow blouse and blue jeans, basking in the sun's rays when she looked more like sunshine herself, throwing seed at the birds with Amoreena.

He took a deep breath and smiled, waving to get their attention.

“Spencer!” Amoreena cheered, running down the steps and into his arms. Almost knocking her hat off as she leapt into his arms.

“Oof,” is all he can say as he makes sure to catch her, surprised to get this sort of reaction from someone.

She fixes her hat and leans back in his arms, “do you like my outfit? I’m the old man from Tarzan and mom is Jane!”

He sets her down then, watching her stick a foot out so he can get a good look at her olive-coloured jean shorts, button-up shirt and blue bowtie and brown boots. She went all out for her adventure today, making his heart burst.

“I looked into that Milo guy,” he says, showing off his own outfit. Pushing his glasses up and adjusting his red bowtie.

“You look just like him!!!” She was beyond excited, turning to Y/N who was all smiles on the steps.

She stood as they walked towards her, “mom look, he’s Milo!”

“You look great,” she complimented him, that twinkle in her eyes back as she blushed.

“Thank you, so do you,” he said softly. “Both of you are dressed for the right adventure today.”

“What do you have in store Mr. tour guide?” Y/N teased, taking Amoreena’s hand and walking into the museum.

“Dr. Tour guide,” he corrects her softly, making her smile and shove him lightly.

“Sorry,” she teased him, “Doctor tour guide, what is your plan for today?”

“I bought 3 tickets ahead of time,” Spencer admits, taking three lanyards out of his jacket pocket and handing them each one. “We have special access today, just show the guards these and we can go almost anywhere.”

“Are you sure you don’t work here? Not even undercover?” Amoreena interrogated him, narrowing her eyes as she watched his response.

He laughed, “I promise, I helped them on a case once, and my old boss knows the curator, they owed me a favour.”

“Old boss?” Y/N catches it.

He nods lightly, “he quit a while ago to have a family.”

“Smart man.”

“I sent in my letter of resignation last night,” he adds, “if you’re still looking for a literary historian?”

She beamed at him, reaching out an arm to tuck under his and pull him in close. Following him through the doors with Amoreena’s hand still in hers. “I’ll arrange an interview this week.”

The rotunda was one of the coolest parts of the Smithsonian Museum of National History. A beautiful African Bush Elephant greets them in the centre, tusks extending out towards them as Amoreena gasps.

“Wow,” her small voice whispers.

“Cool, huh?” Spencer leans to look at her expression, she’s absolutely gobsmacked.

It makes him smile, that beautiful glimmer of amazement spreading across her face as her small brain tries to understand what exists in the world outside of her mind's grasp. It was priceless, he loved every moment.

“So, I was thinking you could look around and whenever you’re ready, we have access to the Student Centre. You’re going to get to look at some special bones and fossils, and even dig some up!” He was so excited to share the plans with her.

She let go of her mom's hand to flap her arms wildly, excitement coursing through her veins as she shook, grinding her teeth together as she smiled, it was how he remembered feeling as a child when something good happened. Pure joy, excitement level 1000.

“Sound good?”

“Spencer,” Y/N placed her hand on his shoulder, taking over for the speechless child, “that sounds perfect, thank you.”

“The Dino’s are this way,” he leads them down the corridor, through a set of doors towards a large swirling sign,

“Journey through deep time!” Y/N read the sign, smiling at Amoreena as she ran towards it, touching the swirl as she read all the words to herself.

“It’s so sad they died,” Amoreena says so matter of factly that it makes him bite back a smile.

“Yeah,” he agrees with a small laugh. Y/N's shaking her head with a sigh of pure love. “What kind of dinosaur is your favourite?”

“The Jurassic era,” she responds, standing closer to the sign and reading all the words. “Did you know the earth used to be mostly desert? There was a massive heatwave, that’s why they believe dinosaurs were most likely scaled but thanks to the melting ice caps as we recover from the ice age and move back towards being tropical, we’re discovering dinosaurs frozen in ice with feathers and fur!”

It takes his breath away, seeing someone so much like him with a mother who loves every single word that leaves her mouth. Pride on her face as she looks at her little genius and back towards Spencer, waiting for his response.

“So you’ve been a paleontologist this whole time and you never told me?”

She laughs and swats the air, “no, I just read a lot of books.”

“She can read really fast, like Matilda,” Y/N bragged.

“I do too,” Spencer knelled down in front of her. “It’s a very wonderful thing to have a brain as big and magical as ours, never let anyone tell you otherwise okay?”

“Never, I’m the smartest in the kingdom,” Amoreena smiled.

“Yes, she is,” Y/N smiled again, placing her hand on Spencer's back as they continued to walk around the exhibits.

He felt like he had a family, like one of those couples who would go to Ikea and pretend they lived in the sets. This was the most perfect make-believe day of his life, leading a child just like him through a world of things she loved.

Y/N was quiet most of the day, watching them interact with a soft smile and sad eyes. Spencer noticed it but let it slide, he’d ask her about it later when she could be honest with him. He didn’t want to profile her, it wasn’t fair to judge her before he knew her, nor taint the fantastical thoughts he already had about her.

They had lunch in the butterfly exhibit, sitting at the seat by the fountain, Amoreena asking nicely if Spencer could sit in the middle so they could both talk to him. It was adorable, Amoreena was so intrigued by his mind she couldn’t stop asking him questions.

Y/N made him a sandwich and brought him a water bottle, as well as bringing some apple slices and grapes, goldfish and juice boxes for when Amoreena got hungry on the way home. Like a true mom, her purse was full of napkins and hair ties, random books and toys. Rocks, pine cones, everything a young mind would find exciting.

She was like Marry Poppins, pulling everything and then some out of her purse as she searched for something specific. “I brought you something, I’ve had it sitting around the house just moving it to different spots over the years, and thought you’d like it.”

It made him giddy to know she was thinking about him, he couldn’t sit still as he anticipated what it was. She pulled a small metal pin out of her bag then, taking the backing off and clipping it to his pocket.

“Best tour guide ever,” she whispered, reading the words to him with a smile.

“We haven’t even gotten to the best part yet,” he shrugged, pushing down the butterflies in his stomach as they were swarmed by the beautiful creatures.

“It’s like animal crossing in here,” Amoreena said to herself as she looked around, kicking her feet as she sat on the bench, tilting her head back and forth absentmindedly as she took it all in.

He wasn’t sure when he stopped doing that; when he started to mask his true self so much that he no longer felt free in public, taking a moment to copy her movements and just enjoy the moment. Making her smile as she noticed him copy her with adoration, not to tease her in any way whatsoever.

“Can we talk when she’s looking at the fossils?” He asks Y/N softly, knowing that she’ll be the most open when Amoreena’s tiny ears wouldn’t be there to remember everything she says.

“Yeah,” she nods with a small smile. “How about I throw out our garbage and we head to that surprise?”

Amoreena jumped off the bench, tugging Spencer towards the door as Y/N cleaned up, following them eventually.

—

They had the classroom all to themselves and Amoreena was still for the first time all day. Standing in the middle of the room as the lights adjusted, changing the glow from blue to amber as they warmed.

The walls were filled with posters and informative signs, there were glass cases showcasing all the finest fossils and bones known to man. And a sand table in the middle of the room, smocks and brushes for archaeology all set up and waiting for her.

“Once you get all suited up, and we’ll get you a little mask so you don’t breathe in any of the dirt and dust, you can dig up whatever is hidden in there!” Spencer announced.

Y/N helped her into a smock, handing her the brushes and asking her to be extra careful with the plastic chisel and hammer. She was beaming from ear to ear the most toothy smile he’s ever seen.

Y/N stopped to take a photo of her then, holding her instruments in front of the sand table, “get in, we’ll tell everyone that Milo took us on a special tour today.”

Spencer kneeled close to Amoreena, she leaned in and wrapped an arm around him to get him in closer, always being the one to choose how much contact she made with Spencer. He would never want to overstep with someone else’s child.

“Beautiful!” Y/N cheered, locking her phone and slipping it back into her jeans as Amoreena turned to the table of sand, dirt and clay.

She got right to work, not skipping a beat as she leaned in and started to dig. Spencer stepped back with Y/N, knowing Amoreena was going to be in her own little world for as long as they left her alone.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m great, I’m just a little surprised,” her voice is soft, low enough that it stays with him. “You’re really good with her for a fed.”

He laughed, nodding his head as he registered her joke. “Ex fed, and I have a 12-year-old godson, Henry.”

“Ahh, so no kids of your own?” Her voice was small, she took a look at his hand to avoid eye contact and he understood.

“None, no wife, no love children hiding out there in the world that I know of, it’s just me, I promise,” he tried his best to ease her anxiety about introducing a new man into her child’s life.

She nods slightly, “you seem too good to be true sometimes.”

He huffed out a small laugh, pressing his lips together as he looked at her, “pretty sure I’ve been dreaming since I saw you.”

She shoved him as she laughed, “would you like to come back to our place for dinner? I know it’s a little weird, believe me, I know, but we live on my parent's land and my mom’s making enough shepherds pie to feed an army.”

“Yeah I’d love to, I’ll get a cab home after,” he felt a swirling in his stomach, nervous and excited all at once.

“Okay,” she whispered, “or we can get to know each other, and then you could sleep on the couch and I’ll bring you back into DC in the morning? I have to drive in any way.”

He licked his lips and nodded his head, wondering what other kind of invitation this could be. If it was pure hospitality, wanting him to be safe for the night instead of inside some stranger's car, or was she wanting alone time with him.

The thoughts turned around in his head over and over making him dizzy, “okay, yeah I’d love to,” he managed to slip the words out without falling over them.

She smiled, tight-lipped and small. Looking up at him with a new look he hasn’t seen on her yet, one he’s only seen in a few faces in his time, and yet he believed her’s the most.

She was smitten with him as much as he was with her.

He sighed, smiling back at her just as soft. She reached her hand out to hold his, walking towards the table with him in tow. Leaning over Amoreena’s shoulder as she unearthed her new most prized possessions.

—

Amoreena was the funniest kid to drive with, He sat in the passenger seat of Y/N’s car with her in a car seat directly behind him. She was singing, cheering, pointing out the window to show him all her favourite things on the way to her house.

Telling him stories about the make-believe people she created to live in the houses, the trolls under bridges and the names of every cow in the field along the long driveway of her grandparent's farm.

“Bob and Linda are an interesting pair,” she warned him as they pulled in closer and closer. Dirt flying up behind the wheels as she drove fast, knowing every bump and turn from memory.

“They will be asking you every question in the book and if you’re going to be looking at the animals they will insist on putting you in flannel and a cowboy hat, it’s a tradition for visitors,” she explained it in a way where he knew she wanted him to think she hated it, but actually she looked excited to do it to him.

“I can’t wait,” he smiled.

“Amoreena has already told them all about you at dinner last night, so they are expecting her to drag you here tonight,” she pushed the blame onto Amoreena, downplaying her affection for him in a self-conscious way he could feel.

He didn’t want to profile her, but it wouldn’t turn off. He was desperate to know her more, to know if she felt the weird tugging in her heart that made him think soulmates might be real. A pain so intense that if he had to explain it to a doctor, it was like his heart was a negative charge and he was being drawn to her much more positive one.

“We have 16 cats, 46 cows, 13 chickens, 4 ducks, 50 sheep and 1 horse, her name is buttercup,” Amoreena informed him, stealing the attention once again.

“Wow, who’s your favourite?” Spencer turned to her, watching her kick her feet as she looked out the windows.

“Probably Alfonzo our fluffy show cow, or Rufus, our dog,” she said softly. “Sometimes nanny lets him sleep at our house.”

“That’s so cool, I’ve never had a pet.”

“What?!” Amoreena stopped, pressing her lips together as her eyes shot wide open, thinking it was the most absurd thing anyone has ever said.

“My mom was sick when I was growing up so I spent my time taking care of her, I didn’t have time for a dog,” he said softly, saying it in a way that wouldn’t scare her.

“I’m sorry,” Y/N said softly, reaching her hand out to pat his knee as she kept her eyes on the road.

Then she was pulling in past a big house, around the bend behind it, past the garden and the trail to the barn towards another house. It was big and white, probably big enough to have 4 bedrooms. Many levels, with multiple build-ons from years ago ageing to match eventually.

It was covered in vines, ivy and flowers. It was just like miss honeys. He felt something unspeakable, opening his mouth softly to breathe as his eyes trailed up the siding to the shingles.

He couldn’t believe it.

“Home sweet home,” her wonderful voice brought him back to reality. Saying the word that matched the feeling in his chest.

“Wow,” he whispered. His mouth moved to say words, not a single one slipped through the cracks, his lips touching with fake syllables as he stared at it.

“It was my grandma’s, it’s the house she raised my dad in,” Y/N explained as she put the car in park.

“Mommy had me as a gift for GG,” Amoreena added from the back.

“Her great-grandma,” Y/N nodded with a soft smile, biting the inside of her lip as she fought her feelings. That was a touchy subject that he was going to pry into, later on, wanting to know every single thing about the most exceptional women in the world.

There was a cat sitting on their front step, introduced to him as toothpick because he was the smallest in the last litter. And then the name of every single cat on the way back up to the main house.

Simon and Gar-funk-field twin orange brothers, Alaska the all-white one, strawberry shortcake had a red heart on her butt, oven-mitt for comedic effect obviously as if they others weren’t funny enough, as well as shovel and Catrina… all 16 of them had a name and Spencer was not going to forget a single one.

“Welcome! You must be Doctor Reid,” her father was a very large man, it shocked Spencer slightly.

He was like Santa Clause, it was more than a bit of a shock. Thick grey beard, bald head, red flannel and dirty work jeans, probably in his late 60’s. He was what you imagined Santa to look like outside of Christmas, on holiday with his wife.

He looked like a man who lived a long and happy life, he had a wife who cooked good meals for him, he probably didn’t mind sitting back with a beer most nights. There was definitely going to be sports memorabilia inside and a million photos of Y/N and Amoreena, and the purest energy known to man. Family love.

He hated how fast he profiled it all in his mind, trying to drop that aspect of his inner monologue moving forward.

“It’s so nice to meet you, Sir,” he said softly, nodding lightly as he placed his hands in his pockets. Letting it be known he didn’t touch people, and weirdly being respected.

“Please, it’s Bob or Poppy Clause,” he laughed, shifting his attention to Amoreena as she climbed the stairs towards the porch.

“How is my lovey?” Bob asked her softly, “may I have a welcome home hug?”

“Ah,” he smiled and nodded to himself. He was used to it, asking permission for her sensory issues. Spencer was impressed, and a bit emotional at the fact someone his age was respecting a way of life many didn’t care to understand.

Amoreena gave him a hug, throwing herself into his arms, “no beard tickles,” she instructed, holding onto his shoulders as he kept his face away from her.

Y/N placed her hand on Spencers back, “I told you they were a lot, my mom is worse.”

“I feel very comfortable here, don’t worry,” he assured her.

“I should worry,” she laughed, “you’re one of them, oh god.”

“One of who?”

She tilted her head at him, shaking her head, “eccentric, full of life, bursting with weirdness that would probably be a strange purple goo if I could see it.”

He pressed his lips together as he thought about it, nodding softly in agreement. “There is nothing wrong with that, it just means I’m having fun and living my best life from now on.”

“Welcome to the family,” Bob added, a simple saying that invoked a feeling of pride he long yearned for.

—

Dinner was lovely, he’s never had shepherd’s pie before. Learning it was ground beef, beans and potato casserole, and somehow there was also corn in there… he wasn’t sure why it was so delicious but he enjoyed it a lot.

It might have simply been the ambiance that made it so good.

Her mother was the sweetest woman, she made everything from scratch. Including bread that he was obsessed with and a pie for dessert, she was overjoyed to have an expected yet unexpected guest.

Knowing there was a possibility he’d come, but not setting a place for him at the table unless he showed. She wrapped him up in a big hug when he arrived as well as after dinner when he helped her move the plates to the sink.

Her dad offered him a beer after dinner, taking him to the front porch to talk while the ladies cleaned up for the night. Amoreena had a strict bedtime routine to stick to, and it wasn’t his place to witness nor get in the way.

“So,” her dad started the interrogation easily. “I’m sure you wouldn’t be here if Y/N didn’t trust you. And she doesn’t trust many people.”

“I can promise you I’ll never hurt either of them,” he said with the utmost confidence. “It’s been two days and they’ve brought me more joy than I can explain, and I’m never going to take that for granted.”

“Good answer,” he smiled. “Now, farmhouse rules are as follows; you can roam where ever you please, just ask permission before using any equipment, we’re more of a petting zoo than a farm now so the animals are overly friendly, try and keep them inside the gates.”

He was a bit flustered, computing the fact that he just trusted him like that. Maybe he was Santa Clause, making a list and checking it twice, and Spencer happened to cross off every box to land him on the nice one.

“Sounds good,” he smiled. “Thank you.”

“Believe me, sonny, I know what it’s like to want to impress the old man, but it’s all about Amoreena,” Bob warned him. “If she loves you then so will Y/N, and she falls fast.”

He couldn’t help but chuckle, “I’m the same way.”

“That’s what Y/N was saying, I think it’ll be good for Amoreena to know someone like her, we try our best to get her out there and making friends, she’s smart enough to move up some grades but she’s a kid, y’know?” Her father basically describing his own childhood back to him.

“I graduated high school at 13,” he presses his lips together, hoping it doesn’t come off as a brag. Taking a sip of his beer to take the edge off how awkward he felt.

“Do you regret it?”

“No,” he smiled at Bob, who was smiling right back, “it led me here.”

Bob hummed in response, taking a sip as well as he sat back in his rocking chair, watching over the cows in the field as the sun began to set. It was picture perfect, unbelievable.

Wet feet on the hardwood floor caught his attention then, Amoreena was in her PJ’s as she ran towards the door. Putting on her rubber boots and swinging open the screen door.

Her hair was wet, falling into her eyes as she pushed it out of the way, “are you joining the parade and dance party?”

He acted like he knew what that meant, “sure?”

“Yes!” She cheered, “hurry up mom!!”

Y/N walked down the steps slowly, shaking her head as she laughed. “You are so impatient, the animals aren’t going anywhere.”

“No, but Spencer will!”

It made his heartache, the thought of leaving.

“Come on,” she slipped back into her shoes and joined them on the porch. “Off we go, see you later dad.”

“Be good, make wise choices,” he teased her.

“Okay old fart, sleep well,” they had a friendship that was admirable.

Spencer followed with glee as Amoreena said goodnight to all the animals, parading down the path towards their house as she made sure to talk to everything on the way there.

“Every night we pick 2 songs to dance to, it gets all the sillies out and rewards us for a day well spent so we can bless our bodies with a good sleep,” Y/N explains as she unlocks the front door.

A cottage full of books in the middle of the woods, that dream he always had, coming true as she ushered him inside. The smell of coffee drifting towards him as he noticed the brown candle on the mantle surrounded by photos of Y/N and her family.

She placed her keys beside it, kicking off her shoes and making sure Amoreena did the same. In the living room, she connected her phone to a set of speakers, letting the little one pick out 2 songs, queueing them up to play as she bounced with anticipation.

“Tonight’s selection is today was a fairytale by miss Swift, and Anne Hathaway’s cover of somebody to love, form the cinematic masterpiece that is Ella Enchanted,” Y/N announced like she was hosting the grammies, pretending her phone was the mic before hitting play.

He knew somebody to love, the Elton John version, it was a song that Penelope and Emily sang at karaoke when they reached 11 shots each, so not very often. But enough to have him remember the words, singing along with them as they danced.

It was a better workout than Derek had ever put him through, they held hands and jumped around, he twirled Amoreena around, pretending to do the tango with Y/N. Waving their arms in the air, it was the most carefree he has been in ages.

The songs fit the situation more perfectly than any of them seem to realize, he’s falling head over heels in love with this family that he met yesterday. Something in him saying that he needs to stay, that this is where he was supposed to be.

Getting Amoreena into bed was more difficult than Y/N imagined, she didn’t want to stop talking to Spencer. Only finally agreeing to sleep when she learned he would still be there for breakfast in the morning.

“Can you read me a book from your brain?” Her sleep-deprived eyes blinked as she asked him softly.

He looked at Y/N from the doorway, she nodded, patting the bed for Spencer to sit on the edge.

“Any book?”

“Any book.”

“Bedtime for baby star,” he says softly. Remembering all the late night’s he’s heard JJ whisper it on the back of the plane, in the corner of a police precinct in the middle of nowhere, in a twin bed beside his as they shared a hotel room.

“Once there was a baby star, she lived up by the sun. And every night at bedtime, that baby star wanted to have some fun,” he recited the words in an exciting tone, just low enough to soothe her into sleep. “She would sine and sine and fall and shoot and twinkle, oh so bright, and she said ‘Mommy! I’ll run away if you make me say goodnight.’”

Y/N looked at her with a fake stern look, leaning in enough to rub their noses together. “And then her mommy kissed her sparkly nose and said, no matter where you go,”

Y/N kissed her on the nose, “no matter where you go,” she repeated.

“No matter where you are, no matter how big you grow and even if you stray far,” to which Y/N repeated. “I’ll love you forever because you’ll always be my baby star.”

“Goodnight my sweet Amoreena,” Y/N kissed her head softly and stood, Spencer, joined her by the door.

“Can I have a hug?” She asked him softly, he looked at Y/N for approval once again.

She placed a hand on his back as she nodded, watching him lean in and hold Amoreena softly, “goodnight, I had a fun day today.”

“See you tomorrow,” she smiled, closing her eyes for the night.

Y/N replaced her lamp light with a night light, closing the door on the way out of her room as she blew a kiss towards her baby, “love you.”

“Love you more,” Amoreena whispered back.

Spencer was nothing but smiles in the hall as she looked at him, “I’m going to pour myself some wine and sit in the garden, are you interested?”

“Ecstatic actually,” he replied, following her towards the kitchen and letting her pour him a glass.

Behind her house, she had an overgrown garden, every area of her life had a reference to a book somewhere, a story someone else told that she’s now claimed as her own. Living in the world she always wanted, inviting Spencer to stay a while.

She let out a deep sigh as she sat down on the outdoor couch beside him, dropping her head on his shoulder softly, it was more contact than he was expecting. She had barely touched him.

“You should know that I like you a lot,” Spencer spoke softly. “I don’t want you to think I’m just some creep trying to get close to you and your kid, I genuinely think you’re wonderful and Amoreena is magnificent.”

“I trust you, I googled you and everything, don’t worry,” she laughs. “I wouldn’t invite you to the museum and let you give my kid a hug without doing research.”

“Not everything is on there you know.”

“I think you are very wonderful as well,” she said softly, “but I know it’s just the fact that you’re so darn cute that’s making me feel like I should drop everything and invite you into our life.”

“I understand,” he replied. Waiting for her to tell him that this was the last time she’d see him, it was inevitable at this point in his life. Nothing good lasted for long.

“So I need you to know all about me and I need to know all about you before you decide you want to stay because I can’t handle bringing you into Amoreena’s life for you to just leave her,” another deflection.

“You might want to hear mine first before you decide if you want me to stay around her,” it sounded scarier than he planned.

“Alright then, you go first,” she insisted with a small smile, eyes darting past him towards the cows in the field. Not ready to be vulnerable with him.

“I worked with the FBI for 15 years, I’ve helped catch some of the worst people in America, and some of them have vendetta’s against me. As far fetched and insane as that sounds,” he pre-warned her, watching her face drop as she understood the weight of his words.

“I have been framed and sent to prison for three months, I was kidnaped, tortured, drugged, and assaulted, not to mention shot a few times. I have more trauma than you can imagine. So that’s something you have to consider in a future with me,” he whispered so she wouldn’t hear how ashamed he was of himself.

“And the fact know that I can’t always keep myself or you safe, no matter how far disconnected I am from the FBI. It doesn’t matter if I change my name and hide here for the rest of my life off the grid. There are some fucked up minds out there that don’t want to let me experience true happiness. But in all honesty,” he finally stops his long-winded rant. He bites his bottom lip as if he is holding back someone worse than all the things he just said.

“I’m willing to die tomorrow if it means my last day on earth was this fucking perfect.” Tears welled in his eyes, “I am so tired.”

“It’s okay to cry, I would be too,” she says softly, a frog in her throat as she nodded. Tears welling in her eyes as her face scrunched.

He blinked and a tear escaped, slipping down his cheek and being swiped off by her thumb in an instant. She kept her hand on his cheek softly, he leaned into it.

“I’ve been running for so long,” he whispers because then the words don’t really exist. They’re secrets only for her to hear and then they’re gone. “I was basically groomed for the FBI, I was their personal computer and they didn’t give a single shit about the wear and tear on me.”

He started to sob. She cradled his head against her chest in one swift motion, holding him close and rubbing his back. Shushing him softly as he cried into her shoulder.

“You know that Katy Perry song?” she changed the subject as he calmed down, understanding his pain and accepting his warnings, but continuing down the path anyway.

“Summer after high school when we first met,” she sang like an angel. “It was like that, I thought I met the love of my life after I graduated, we got engaged a year later, then he died in a car crash and I was single for a very long time.”

“Then my grandma got sick and she made a bucket list. Number one was to become a great grandma,” her words became whispers as she tried to stop the tears, following Spencer’s tactic even though it failed so miserably.

“I said fuck it. I’m going to have a baby and make my own family, one person I can truly care for and never lose. She’s my world, she was the light of my grandma’s life until it burnt out, she has changed my world in ways I can’t even explain.”

It fell silent as they absorbed each other’s explanations of their issues. The root of their problems, the core of their soul were the most hurt was kept locked away, opening the doors and swapping scrapbook snapshots of terrible memories.

“I think,” she says, finally, like music to his ears. “I think that I’m okay, I’m positive actually that I want you in my life like this. All of you is fine with me, you’re not that scary, and I’m tired of waiting for the right moments because it means losing the people over time missed. I want to live my life fully, I’m at peace with the unknown and with you.”

Peace.

“Not to quote Taylor Swift at you or anything, but she does have a point in that song,” she laughed lightly and he felt her chest jump. Life bursting through her as she made light of an incredibly touchy subject.

“I don’t know the song,” he whispers.

She gasps, “oh that’s the line, I finally found it. Our first fight can be whether or not you like Taylor Swift, don’t even think about how upset Amoreena will be if you’re not, I’ll kick you out.”

He can't stop laughing then, digging his face into her neck as he holds her closer to his chest. Breathing her in as she finishes his laugh in a giggle, rubbing her hands down his back as she presses her cheek to his head.

“I haven’t had the time to listen to her this year I know she’s been busy releasing music,” he admits, “but I’m sure I’ll love it.”

She shifts awkwardly on the couch to take her phone out of her pocket, opening her music and playing the song she was speaking of.

He simply rests his head on her chest, both of them laying back onto the cushions together, finding a comforting spot for their arms as they listened to the words, silently.

He absorbed it all, every word she said bringing forth a feeling he’s never felt before. True understanding, like someone, gets him. Gasping audibly when she says ‘robbers to the east clowns to the west, give you my sunshine, give you my best.’

He wasn’t alone.

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid self insert #spencer reid request #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine #amoreena

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angelmichelangelo · 2 years

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december fic advent 2021 ❤️🎄✨

and here we are again, the end of the christmas period, another 25 fics done! thank you SO much to everyone that supported me these last 25 days leading up to christmas, without your love i don’t think i would have found the motivation to keep writing, so to everyone who left a kudos or a comment or even just reblogged the tumblr posts, thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

but as fun as the fics are, this isn’t the whole reason why i do these fic advents every year – it’s a reason to give back, to those who may not be fortunate as us. so whilst i hope you’ve been enjoying my fics, i’d really appreciate it if you took the time to read about this years designated charity: black minds matter.

black minds matter is a uk charity that specialises in getting black families or individuals the help the need as well as deserve. when it comes to mental health, everybody deserves to be heard, and unfortunately poc can often be overlooked or not taken seriously. and that needs to change. so this charity aims to do exactly that!

i’ve chosen this charity this year because whilst i am somewhat new to this fandom, it doesn’t mean i’m blind to what racism lies beneath it. seeing a lot of hatred and a lot of hurt can be difficult. it shouldn’t happen, and everyone deserves a safe space. whether that’s in an online community, or a therapists office, nobody should feel less than because of the colour of their skin.

so, as per my tradition, i have donated £25 for 25 fics. whilst it’s not the most money in the world, a little can always go a long way, and i urge anyone to perhaps consider donating as well. the festive period can be difficult, and knowing somebody may benefit from that donation alone to make the holidays a little more bearable is what makes me happy to do this every year. and of course, if you’re unable to donate, that’s fine! i’d appreciate a reblog just to circle the post around - the more the merrier! here’s my donation receipt, i’d love to see yours in the replies (again, only if you can)

so once again, THANK YOU for all your love and support and cheerleading, it really has meant the world to me. i look forward to these every year, and this time around is no different. thank you so so much. i hope you’ve enjoyed reading them as much as i have writing them.

if you want to read the full advent series, you can do so here!

and (more importantly) if you wish to donate to black minds matter, you can do here!

thank you all so much, have a wonderful rest of december, and i hope 2022 brings you all the joys it can offer.

much love, emmy ❤️

#sambucky #sambucky fanfic #sambucky fic #sam wilson #bucky barnes #tfatws #the falcon and the winter soldier #marvel #mcu #marvel cinematic universe #winterfalcon #marvel fanfic #december fic advent 2021

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schibi12 · 2 years

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Heyyo!! So this post may get long and a bit personal if you are not interested by that you can keep on scrolling no problem.

Last year I did a post where I told how Tumblr was a huge support for me during the whole quarantine and how I met amazing people in it and strangely enough the same thing happened this year, so take this a YouTube rewind of sorts where I talk about all the great people I've met and befriended and how much I've grown as a person since last year, this is a Tumblr Reblog if you will.

My blog has changed a lot from 2020 to 2021, last year only did occasional reviews and memes for DuckTales and other Disney properties but this year oh boy, I've done a bunch of AUs, I've done art for my AUs and fanart in general,I created Ocs and sonas, I've rambled a lot this year about not only Disney properties but about Looney Tunes, Animaniacs, Marvel, Musicals and just so much more I feel like I have expressed more of who I am to you guys.

And the amazing people I've met in this quite literal hellsite lol, have been so kind and supportive to me that they I am gonna do a roll call/ shoutout to you incredible people and if I forgotten one of you i am so sorry but remember you are great too!!

@blue-main & @joyseer24 I am forever grateful for meeting you two you've been incredibly kind, supportive, helpful and just the greatest friends I've ever had and for being my first internet friends I am glad that it was you guys.

@tophthedaydreamer I am so intimidated to talk you sometimes I don't know why I feel like you are just so much cooler than me even though you are just as dorky as me but you are so talented and thanks to you I've seen the Beetlejuice musical also thanks to you I started doing AUs because I did a silly post about how Iron-Man and Captain America reminded me of Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse and you left a nice message in your tags about how this was big brain and how I should continue it and I didn't want to do it but your comment motivate me to do it and I've done a bunch of AUs because of that message in the tags so thanks and I hope to talk to you more in the future.

@lexi0507 thanks to you we have a Discord server and we met a bunch of cool people and you're so cool, unapologetically yourself and supportive and I love your art and ocs.

@wastelandchannel I know we haven't talked recently but thanks to you I think we wouldn't have the Toon Tykes so thank you and I hope you are doing and feeling better.

@ohmymabe you are so nice and I love your art and how creative you are, and you're also kind of a founder of The Toon Tykes with the many AUs and ocs you did of the children of Oswald and Julius y Eres una muy Buena Amiga!

@dizbunny Diz with the Gifs you are so sweet you always have something nice to say and I know you started your journey with art and it's not easy just have patience and don't be too hard on yourself.

@su-nioj We haven't talked that much but you have made amazing art I like to call you the ninja silent but talented and I hope to get to know you more in the future.

@dalia1784 we haven't interacted as much as I want to. It we do follow each other Tumblr and Twitter and we tagged each other on tag games and I hope to get to know you better, but you make amazing art and deserve so much attention and appreciation like literally go follow her she has amazing ocs designs and stories.

@you-big-palooka & @amelia-bedeliaa you keep posting about Disney ducks and Mickey and friends respectively your post always bring me joy or discover a good fic or follow someone who makes amazing fanart and keep on reblogging.

I think that's it if I missed one of my mutuals or you don't take it personally you are amazing and great it's just I listed more people in this post than last year so I might have forgotten a few.

And once again thank you from the bottom of my heart I am forever grateful that I have Tumblr in my life because without it I wouldn't have met all these amazing people and I wouldnt be drawing so thank you to all my followers, mutuals and friends and here's to another year!!

Muchas gracias los quiero mucho!!! 💛

#schibi rambles #personal post #tumblr reblog

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wp-blaze · 2 days

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Why You Should Give Up!

Stuck trying to change the world? This post says focus on yourself instead. Inner peace is the real win. Prioritize what brings you calm, ditch negativity, and set goals. Let go of the past and chase what matters. This “ruthless focus” is freedom to be you. Fight for your dreams and find fulfillment.

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cuuzca · 2 years

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ANNOUNCEMENT

NEW Merch Reveal & SHOP Updates!

Hey everyone! I’m back with a reveal of some new items that will be coming soon on my very own brand new SHOP!

I cant begin to say how incredibly grateful I am for all of you and your continued support throughout this whole process. All of your kind words for what happened before meant so much to me that this is what drove me into a feverish pace trying to get everything ready and make it all up to you guys. As soon as I felt ready again, I wanted to build up everything I once had, but this time on my terms ^-^. I love making things and I love to bring joy out of what I make. I make the things I would specifically want but if at least one person’s day out there, then it would be all worth it!

SO IM BACK, BETTER THAN EVER, AND MY WAY.🌸

Merch

I will be revealing more in the coming days and making merch highlights for items I want to specifically talk about and take product photos as they come in! I’m currently still waiting on a few items and shipping supplies to arrive but that should be in no time at all, probably as soon as March!

Shipping

I’ll still ship with USPS using an automated system! Domestic shipping will remain the same!

⚠️International Shipping

International shipping may change however.

UK SHIPPING: Unfortunately I am not registered for VAT and cannot ship directly like I used to. I’m so sorry :( However, if you truly wish to continue supporting me (THX!) I recommend using proxy service that can give you a US based address for me to ship to and they can send it to your country! I’ve personally used one to ship from Japan (THX Vi :D!) and it was a great experience. Or chat with me personally and we can figure something out if you have more ideas/concerns!

AUSTRALIA SHIPPING: As of Sep 2021, USPS has suspended most parcel services due to covid health concerns and have not updated for 2022 :(

If you have other shipping concerns , please feel free to contact me!

Anyway!

Long post, my bad but lots that needed to be said! Thanks so much again for everything and I’ll show more of this soon! 🥰

#dqb2 #malroth #dragon quest builders 2 #artists on tumblr #support small business #cuz creates #Cuz Creates #small business #announcement #stickers #button pins

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raisans-art · 3 years

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What the Fuck Are these Characterizations: The Essay

Full warning: This is only concerning Tommy's stream made today, 4/29/2021. I know Ranboo has streamed after Tommy but I haven't watched that.

On with the essay.

A lot happened.

Tommy tried to kill Dream, Dream actually killed Ghostbur, Wilbur is back (pog). It's a lot. A lot of plot and a lot of emotions. I will preface this with the usual "holy hell these people are pretty damn good actors for having no formal training as far as I'm aware." They get their emotions across very clearly and that's kinda why I'm making this in the first place. The way some of the characters acted in Tommy's 4/29 stream is a bit odd in my opinion.

Now, I will concede that I have not been diligent with the Dream SMP lore. I've been given broad strokes and have seen various clips but I have definitely not been on top of it. I may have missed streams entirely and you all more avid fans may be able to name scenes that I haven't seen that rationalize some of these reactions that I will be criticizing. If you can, please do so! I'd love to start a dialogue over this!

So, how I'm gonna break this all up is to take a look at Tommy, Wilbur, Ranboo, and Awesamdude and how their CCs characterized them during the stream. I'll sing praises where they are due and point out my criticisms where they arise. Then, I will try to surmise some meta as to why I think these characterizations came to be in the first place.

Tommy

Tommy, to me, has the best characterization in this. CC Tommy clearly has a very good sense of what he wants from his character and has been playing into that line of thought from the beginning of this whole debacle.

Tommy is scared, paranoid, and pissed off. Ever since he left the prison he avoids taking damage like the plague, rambles indecisively, is easily sent into a panic, and is hypersensitive to the people around him. He panics when he sees weapons out and one crucial thing that he made clear from the start was that he wants Dream dead.

Straight out of limbo, Tommy concludes that Dream needs to die. From there he plans this whole mission with Ranboo, Tubbo, and Ghostbur to get in and kill Dream. He says that Dream can't keep living with this power at his fingertips, and from before his final death, Tommy clearly wants to be rid of his abuser, adding a personal layer to his plan. Tommy is stubborn and determined since the beginning, sacrificing his life and disks for L'manberg and refusing to believe that his home is gone until the place is blown to bedrock. Of course, he would stick to his plan to a T.

Now, is this a smart decision to sneak into the highest security area in the entire SMP? Fuck no. It's a stupid idea. Even if Tommy hadn't messed up, Sam would've seen Dream die to a floating axe and kept Tommy and Ghostbur in that containment cell. It would've been a one-way ticket, especially given what we see of Sam in this stream.

But this all makes sense for the character CC Tommy is playing. Tommy isn't thinking about how smart of a decision this is and he hardly ever does when he takes action. He shoots from the hip, takes his first instincts, and acts on them.

It's easy to draw a clear line of progression of Tommy as a character from season 1 to this moment in season 3 and past Ghostbur's death. His hyperventilating as he tries to get his plan to work after it failed, Trying to save Ghostbur from what he went through, lashing out at Sam, and yelling at Wilbur. All of this in line with who Tommy is as a character and how events have changed him. This is a good characterization.

Wilbur

Wilbur has changed a lot since we've seen him last, both alive and dead. Since he's been alive, Wilbur has changed his tune from "I want to die" to "hell sucks, mate." What's particularly interesting is that this sentiment that he has from being alive carried for a long time into his limbo, as evidenced by his appearance in the season 2 finale on the bench. He wanted to "stay dead" at that point. Since we've seen him in limbo, he's gone from content in his situation and understanding why he's there and that he's there forever.

Now we have Revivedbur. Revivedbur is ecstatic to be alive again. He goes from numb to embracing feeling again. The fandom once thought that Revivedbur would be annoyed with or hateful towards Dream for bringing him back turned into joy and reverence. This is quite a drastic leap. Bad characterization.

But it isn't.

I have seen one clip from Ranboo's stream on 4/29 and that is Ranboo telling Philza that Wilbur is alive. In this bit, after mentioning that Wilbur has been in limbo for a perceived 13 and a half years, Phil says "13 years is a long time to be away... he almost certainly isn't the same person... people can change quite a lot in a single year, two years, three years, four years, even five years, Ranboo."

Wilbur has been gone for 13 years. He's been in the same place with no change other than Tommy for 13 fucking years. That's 13 years where we heard from him 2 times. We know virtually nothing about what those 13 years were like for him, but from what Wilbur has said, it was torture to him. He was stagnant, stuck in a fucking tube station for 13 years, unable to leave no matter how hard he tried.

We know so little about how his time in limbo changed him because it's such a long span of time with radio silence. I dare say this is fucking great characterization.

Ranboo

This is where I start having some issues, and this is where I have the least amount of context. From what I've seen, Ranboo is little miss angst who forgets things and is constantly on the verge of having a panic attack (hyperbole). From what I have surmised of his character in various contexts, serious and dramatic scenes and domestic ones, Ranboo really cares about the people around him and is scared of himself and his mind.

So why is it that he straight up just sneers at Tommy, saying "the hell did you do?"

I'm really just focusing on this because it just seems really off to me in the context of his character. Ranboo was in on this plan. It's pretty common knowledge that the only person with revive powers is Dream. Ranboo doesn't know everything that happened within the prison, sure, but why is he so quick to assume that Tommy was the root cause? Is it because he's been hanging out with the world's 2nd biggest Tommy hater, Niki (the character for clarification)? I honestly don't know where this jump-in assumption is coming from. Given what I understand of his character, this line and the implications I'm getting are just a bit out of character. Feel free to explain why I'm wrong because I am not in this loop whatsoever.

Awesamdude

Sam is where I have the biggest issue. How does a man go from living on an isolated island in grief over a death he could've prevented if only he had been quicker, to yelling at that same formerly dead person that he was at fault for the death/revival of another person?

Now, one thing that is strengthened by this characterization is Sam's dedication to the rules. He has his strict protocol and he is not going to let that slip up for anything. He wants to keep Dream in prison and never let him out.

But I'm just having a hard time grappling with a man so quick to blame himself last time something like this happened being so quick to place blame on a child he, from what I've seen, had a good relationship with. It feels like I'm missing something here.

Yeah, Tommy broke into the prison, but why is Sam's first thought that Tommy was trying to break dream out? This harsh turn on Tommy just doesn't come across right to me.

Why Did This Happen?

I do think there could be a meta reason as to why these don't land right to me. These two characterizations are centered around Tommy. How people are reacting to Tommy's actions. Tommy and Dream are the head of the prison stuff right now. at least as far as I know. I'm not sure if Wilbur has come back on as a writer yet but last I heard it's still Tommy and Dream handling their shit. With the writers in mind, I wouldn't put it past them to decide to add more conflict with Tommy and other members of the SMP right now. The Egg is a bit busy with other things, Jack is just running the hotel, and the Syndicate doesn't really have any qualms with Tommy on any level that they would act on. It could be the writers trying to add conflict to the prison storyline by generating conflict between Tommy, Ranboo, and Sam with Wilbur being a fuckin wild card.

I don't know mate, I just wanted my thoughts out there and maybe be fucking pounded into the ground by people more knowledgeable than me.

Have a dialogue with me I'd love to debate. (All friendly debate please I don't feel like taking this too seriously it is Minecraft roleplay after all.)

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rebeccalouisaferguson · 3 years

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Dune 2021: Rebecca Ferguson, "It was obvious to me that Timothée Chalamet was chosen for the role"

ELLE: How did you get involved in the project?

Rebecca Ferguson. It was during an interview with Denis Villeneuve. He either asked for it or someone forced him to see me (laughs). We talked for an hour and a half and I fell in love with him, his vision, his joy and his love for this project. And then he's Denis Villeneuve you know… he's one of the greatest directors of his time. And then he offered me the part. I still can't process that this has happened.

ELLE: Did you know David Lynch's film before playing in the Denis Villeneuve remake?

R.F. I knew of it but it didn't particularly impress me. But I saw it again to soak up the universe.

ELLE: Did you know Timothée Chalamet's work before working with him?

R.F. Yes, absolutely. I think I've seen all of his films. I am a huge fan of his work. I was very happy and I thought it was obvious that he was chosen to play Paul Atreïdes. I couldn't imagine anyone else for this role now.

ELLE: Your mother-son relationship with Timothée Chalamet is very important in the film. Did you find inspiration in your own role as a mother?

R.F. Yes. I think it's hard not to take inspiration from being a parent when playing one. I think it happens automatically even if you don't want to. It was nice. I think I like the dynamic between Paul and Jessica because they have to go through so many different things: training, anger, frustration, loss, fear, joy… He has so many emotions. One of the most wonderful things about being the mother of a 14-year-old son - Rebecca Ferguson has a son born in 2007 - is this relational simplicity. This is what I wanted to bring to the character. To be able to say: “stand up straight, your arms on the table, go…” The daily life between a mother and her son. It doesn't all have to be intense.

ELLE: Your character is a strong and powerful woman. The place of female characters is much more important in Denis Villeneuve's film than in David Lynch's, isn't it?

R.F. It's different. It’s intense. I don't like to compare ... I think David Lynch had his own vision and he didn't want to belittle female roles. I think he decided to do something more based on books written in the 1960s. The story Denis Villeneuve explores is more through Jessica's eyes. Which is wonderful. It creates more momentum for the young people of today who are going to watch this film. There are still some outside factors that make it hard today to have a powerful woman in a movie. Because women, the Bene Gesserit, are the most powerful entities in the whole universe. But they are still not allowed to sit in the same room as the men who make the decisions. And yet they can kill them with the snap of a finger. It's an interesting dynamic.

ELLE. What is your most fond memory from the shoot?

R.F. I really liked Abu Dhabi. I liked the desert. I liked the stars. I liked how small we are, you see. When you go out into the desert and sit on the sand with all the film crews and all these people ... and you are nothing compared to the vastness of the rolling dunes. They can devour and kill you if they want to. It was truly a humbling experience.

ELLE. If Warner gives the go-ahead, would you be up for playing your part in Part 2?

R.F. Yes immediately. Well no, not right away because I'm shooting for another series, but after that yes! But I think taking a step back would be good. But I can't wait for the chance to play in the "Dune" continuation.

ELLE. Plans for the future?

R.F. A lot. Lots of plans for the future. I made plans. My vacation is booked for the month of May. No just kidding. I'm going to do a TV series for Apple and produce it. So we are preparing all this in England. We're ready to shoot, ready to go. There is a great cast, a wonderful story. So I'm going to be doing this for the next six months in London.

translated from french for @rebeccalouisaferguson

#rebecca ferguson #interview #dune interview #timothée chalamet #wool interview #dune 2021

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365days365movies · 3 years

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March 21, 2021: Orlando (1992)

Tilda Swinton...confuses me.

Like, in a good way. Because Tilda may be the most versatile actor working today. I mean, look at the goddamn filmography, and you’ll see what I’ve mean. I’ve seen Tilda Swinton in a lot, surprisingly, and I don’t think anything I’ve seen was bad. For example, I am an ARDENT defender in the portrayal of the Ancient One in the MCU.

I understand the controversy here, but I actually think this is excellent casting. Especially considering...being comic book-accurate would NOT have been a good idea with this role, if we’re trying to AVOID controversy. But Tilda Swinton FUCKING KILLED IT in this role, and I will always be happy for this choice.

Let’s see, there’s Jadis in the Narnia films, as shown at the top, there’s Snowpiercer, as Mason (an amazing character, and an acting job that Swinton disappears into), Moonrise Kingdom as Social Services, The Grand Budapest Hotel as Madame D., and Gabriel in Constantine. Which is a good segue to the next talking point...

Gabriel is pointedly androgynous, and honestly, Tilda Swinton kind of is as well. You may have noticed that I haven’t used any pronouns in referencing to Tilda Swinton, entirely out of respect. Gonna be a little hard to keep up with, so I’ll be using she/her from here on out, only because those are the pronouns that Swinton’s most recently promoted for herself. She’s also referred to herself as queer of some variety, as well as being famously gender non-conforming.

Which is fitting, given that a lot of that public image began with today’s movie, one of her first big roles. I’ll be revisiting Swinton in the independent movie scene in a couple of months, but this may be a good introduction. Instead of spoiling anything off the bat, I’m gonna jump right in. And so, I present: Orlando. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

We begin with a young man named, well, Orlando (Tilda Swinton), a young man with a feminine appearance and a good upbringing. His name means power land and property, but all he really wants is company. He writes and rests by a tree in the day, but falls asleep by mistake. When he wakes up, he runs back to where he’s meant to be, with a tribute to Queen Elizabeth I (Quentin Crisp) playing in the background. And that’s a REAL song, by the way, actually sung in the 1600s for Elizabeth! Very neat.

A title screen flashes, reading “1600: Death”, and we see where Orlando is meant to be. He speaks poetry for the Queen and her court, but is interrupted by the aged queen, who asks whether or not his poem is appropriate for her presence, as the poem is about youth, and Queen Elizabeth is not that. Orlando’s father (John Bott), who is serving as host to Elizabeth, intervenes on his behalf. However, it doesn’t seem to matter to the Queen, as she invites Orlando back to England to serve as her “favourite”. He accepts, and soon lives alongside the Queen. She quickly promises Orlando much land and property, for him and his heirs, but on one condition: that he does not fade, wither, or grow old.

The same wish cannot be applied to Elizabeth herself, nor to his father, as both grow old and die soon afterwards. Fast forward 10 years, and it’s a cold winter in England. Visiting Orlando’s vast estate is a woman from Russia, named Sasha (Charlotte Valandrey), and Orlando quickly falls for her. This is to the dismay of Euphrosne (Anna Healy), his fiancée? I’m not sure, to be honest, but they’re definitely involved, and she’s definitely upset.

However, this is also a scandal for everybody else as well, not just because Orlando’s already engaged, but also because Sasha is Russian, during a particularly poor economic period for the country. Euphrosne angrily throws his ring back at him, and Orlando speaks directly to the audience, telling us that a man must follow his heart. The two go to his private cottage, and they start to make out, when Orlando suddenly comes down with intense melancholy.

Because this is such great happiness that he feels, but this happiness too will one day end. Which is, like, the most emo-shit I’ve ever heard, but I’m kinda here for it. And yet, that happiness does indeed end, when Sasha is forced to return to Russia, despite Orlando’s pleading for her to stay. He asks her to meet him at London Bridge, so that they may elope together.

Later, Orlando happens upon a performance of Othello, noting to us that it’s a terrific play. This is as the death of Othello is being played out, so that’s probably foreshadowing, right? Anyway, Orlando leads two horses through the thick fog, waiting for Sasha to arrive and come away with him. But as a storm sets in, there is no sign of Sasha. And Orlando stands there in the rain. Said rain, though, soon becomes ice, underneath his feet, floating away down the river, along with his hopes of a happy future with Sasha. The treachery of women, according to Orlando.

Over the next week, Orlando languishes in his bed, asleep for the entire time. Increasingly more servants are brought up to try and rouse him, only for him to remain asleep, no matter what they do. But then, he wakes up, noting that he can only conjure three words to describe women, none of them worth explaining.

Forty years later, and the title screen cries “Poetry”! And Orlando looks exactly the same. Guess he really took that whole “don’t grow old” thing from Elizabeth to heart, huh? He speaks to a poet, Nick Greene (Heathcote Williams), and gushes about his poetry, which is a pursuit that he loves greatly. But Nick is...well, Nick is kind of a dick, to be honest. Orlando wants only to share his love and his poetry with him, but Nick’s only in it for the money. Not a true artist, and he mocks Orlando’s poetry, which he reads only after Orlando offers him money. And then, he writes a poem mocking Orlando further, which angers Orlando...but doesn’t stop the money flowing to Nick.

Orlando moves onto his next pursuit, in 1700, in the next section: Politics. Now over 100 years old, Orlando becomes an ambassador to the Ottoman Empire, and travels to Constantinople. There, he receives a somewhat rough and awkward greeting, which Orlando is not helping with. They share some Turkish coffee, Orlando has trouble drinking that Turkish coffee, they drink a LOT of Turkish coffee, and they toast to multiple things, including the “beauty of women, and the joys of love.” Orlando pauses at this, and reveals that he is still suffering quite a bit of heartbreak. His Turkish friend, the Khan (Lothaire Bluteau), bonds with him about this.

After 10 years, Orlando has fully retreated into life as a Turkish man. This is interrupted by a British emissary, sent to bring him news of a new appointment and power from the Queen. However, something goes wrong when the Khan arrives and takes Orlando hostage. The city is under attack, and the Khan asks Orlando if he will help against their enemies. Orlando agrees, and gives them arms, and heads to help himself at the walls. There, he witnesses a man dying, and it shakes him greatly. And just like before, he sleeps it off for seven days. And then...she wakes up.

YUP. WHAT.

Yeah, um, Orlando is now a woman. Like she says: “Same person, just a different sex.” Which is a very interesting premise, not gonna lie. Looks like Orlando now has to live life as a woman, which is going to be...difficult in 1700s Turkey. Or England. Or anywhere. Or any time.

Still, Orlando approaches this new life with aplomb, and without really any needed caution. Parading in some awesome dresses, she greets fellow nobility as the lady Orlando. However, the emissary from earlier, Archduke Harry (John Wood), begins to recognize her as similar to the lord Orlando.

In speaking with a group of poets, however, Orlando learns EXACTLY what men think of women in this society, and it’s not even a little bit good. She leaves, enraged and embarrassed. Harry also speaks with her, assuming that she was a woman all along. However, Orlando’s in EVEN MORE shit, as she’s quickly served with papers that are an attempt to take away all of her property and titles, because Lord Orlando is legally dead, and Lady Orlando is a woman, which one of them says is basically the same thing. FUCKIN’ YIKES, BRUV.

Ah, but Harry tries to help by proposing to her ON THE FUCKIN’ SPOT. He believed that Orlando was perfect as both genders, and is happy to do it. However, Orlando understandably refuses, and after Harry tells her that she will die as a spinster, alone and dispossessed, she runs into a nearby hedge maze. And while in the hedge maze, time passes, and her outfit changes to match the period accordingly.

Forward 140 years now! The year is 1850, and a new chapter begins: Sex.

And as she runs from the maze, she runs into who else...but Shelmerdine (Billy Zane), a man who...Shelmerdine? SHELMERDINE? What fuckin’ witch cursed his entirely family line to have THAT name? That’s the kind of family that was named AFTER a bridge, not the other way around! WHAT KINDA NAME IS FUCKIN’ SHELMERDINE?

Well, I’ve looked it up now, and it is apparently a real name. So, if any Shelmerdines are reading this...I mean, I’m sorry, but also, FUCKIN’ SHELMERDINE? OK, back to Shelmerdine. He’s twisted his ankle falling off his horse, and Orlando is now taking care of him. She reveals, in the process, that she’s about to lose everything. The reasons for that aren’t quite said, but Shelmerdine offers a place at his side, back to the great free land of America.

After having a conversation about the roles of men and women in the world (which is interesting given the context of the film in general), the two fulfill the chapter’s imperative. And we never see the act, but we do get some interesting angles and hand-holding. But the next morning, this post-coital reverie is interrupted by the lawyers from the Queen. The lawsuits have been settled, and Orlando has been legally declared a woman, meaning that unless she has a son, all of her possessions will be lost.

Shelmerdine (I swear, every time I say that name, a fairy gets chlamydia) leaves as well, with the southwest wind. As he heads back to America to fight for freedom, Orlando stands in the rain, facing an uncertain future, and broken fully by the politics of the time period.

And then...the sound of planes overhead. Looks like a new time period once again, heading into the periods of World Wars, and Orlando is now...heavily pregnant. OH. FUCK. Welcome to the next chapter: Birth.

We jump past the period of World War II, and to the 1990s! Orlando is presenting a book to a publisher, and he believes that the book will sell. With her young daughter in tow, she finally goes back to her old mansion, now finally able to go back after losing it 100 years prior. The narration from the beginning repeats, recontextualized for Orlando’s new life. She is over 400 years old, and finally, FINALLY...she is happy.

youtube

And that’s Orlando! I think I loved it. Real talk, this was a fascinating movie, and I’m into it. I’m very much into it. I’m sure there’s more to be gleaned from this film, but I’m glad I watched it regardless. More in the Review, though! See you there!

#orlando #orlando 1992 #sally potter #tilda swinton #billy zane #lothaire bluteau #john wood #virginia woolf #orlando film #fantasy march #user365 #365 movie challenge #365days365movies #365 movies 365 days #365 Days 365 Movies #365 movies a year #mygifs #my gifs

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