#Man I know I got groomed and abused online before but like. I had parents that micromanaged my social life isolated me and were bigoted | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theoldst4rv1ng · 3 months

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I’ve finally been told who it was who gr00med and abused me when I was 13. I don’t know how to process this information. I always assumed I’d been a victim of something bigger, more sinister, like some b@stard who would sell the pictures on the dark web or some dirty c*nt who doesn’t wash and lives in his mum’s spare bedroom. I never thought it would be someone who appears on the outside as being a respectable member of the community, a teacher, a kids football coach.

159. That’s how many named victims there were. ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY NINE. Children aged 9-16 who this man targeted, manipulated and then blackmailed into sending to most disgusting images and videos. I was probably by comparison one of his tamer targets, got off lightly. And I was one of the first in his campaign to destroy the lives of innocent little girls. I was gr0omed in October 2013. This man wasn’t caught, charged and sentenced until 2022. Nearly a decade after he took my life.

I’ll never forget the threats, the way he was able to gain information about me- where I lived, the school I went to, people in my classes. Turns out it was because he would coach kids in my year football and found me through them. Posing as a teenage boy, he infiltrated my home and destroyed my life in less than a day. I’ll never forget the panic I felt as the lies and the blackmail starting pinging into my phone “I know where you live” “everyone in your school will see this” “I will hurt your little brother … unless you send me that next photo in 10 seconds”. Now being an adult I want to go back and shake myself and shout that he’s lying that he’s trying to trick me. But I can also see how a girl only a teenager by 2weeks would be wracked with fear and guilt because of the messages he sent. The threats were relentless.

I will also always remember the police, and how they treated me when I finally broke down to my parents and they called them. I am disgusted at how I was treated by those pigs who were meant to be helping me. The policeMAN who came barely knew what he was doing and was more concerned with making me feel like a naughty little girl than finding the person who had assaulted me. Quick reminder that I WAS A CHILD AND A VICTIM yet the policeMAN felt that reminding me sending pictures of someone under 16 is illegal and I shouldn’t be doing that is more important.

They took me into an interrogation room. To do a statement as a child victim of online grooming they took me into an interrogation room. I was a vulnerable and abused child and they were treating me like a criminal. The rest is just a blur, a horrific nightmare of a blur. Then

Silence

Completely nothing for 10 fucking years. In that time I have attempted 3 times to end it, developed eating d!s0rders, self/h4rm3d for years. I’m manically depressed and I have an anxiety disorder. He ruined my childhood, he ruined my life.

My dad works in the prison service with s3x offenders and heard whispers about this man who was coming in to the prison, how horrific and strangely localised his targets were. Daddy did some digging, and found the interrogation transcripts and the files on the case and read every single page. The language he used, the way he would target the girls, the way he would blackmail them into sending more and more and more. The names he was using as aliases matched the person who targeted me. It was him. Dad watched JONATHAN CLARKE in court as he plead guilty to 181 offences against an identified 159 victims (estimates of more victims go over 200) and sentenced to 19years in prison. Unfortunately I didn’t find any of this out until a year after sentencing (yesterday to be exact) because my parents were waiting for me to be more mentally stable before telling me. Yesterday I brought the subject up with my mum and she cracked and told me he’d been caught but my case was, as far as we know, not used.

One of my parent’s friends has a little girl who went to court and testified against him. She’s 13 now, NINE when she was targeted. There a going to be countless friends, family members, acquaintances, colleagues of mine who know people, children, who were his victims. Daddy got him moved from the prison here to the Isle of White because there would likely be prison staff and other inmates who have children/family members/friends who were his victims.

I can’t explain the level of rage I feel. The level of disgust and hatred. But also relief. Being made to feel like I was to blame for so long, being forced into a mindset of self ridicule and blame by the police meant that when I found out it wasn’t just me, I grossly felt relief. Relief that I wasn’t the one to blame, that it was a dirty sick p3v3rt who was the bad guy. Relief that it wasn’t just me. But now I can’t get his mugshot out of my mind, I can’t stop thinking that those foul eyes saw all of me, took away my innocence, my dignity, my self worth. EVERYTHING. He took everything from me.

Now what do I do?

I want to hurt him. I want him to go through the pain I went through. Slice away at his skin, starve him for days then when he does eat force him to throw it all up. Take him to inches away from death then pump his stomach and force him to face the world or torture again. I have never felt this level of seething rage before, at least not to another person. It’s quite scary. But what am I doing in reality? Sitting in the bath with my cat sat on the edge writing a blogpost to nobody. Signed off sick from work with anxiety. Dosed up to the eyeballs on sedatives and mood stabilisers. I am so close to fading away it’s comical. So what do I do?

#tw abuse #child abuse #abuse mention #abuse survivor #tw grooming #tw ana relapse #ed behaviour tw #online grooming

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fafulous · 4 years

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Take Me Home (2/5)

Andy Barber x Reader (Post!Defending Jacob)

Summary: After the unfortunate events of the trial and after, a depressed Andy Barber decides to call it quits and start a mundane life far away from Newton. He decides it is best to have a fresh start away from prying eyes and alone, but he never thought his caring neighbor (and her son) would change all of that.

Themes: MAJOR D.J. SPOILERS ((The series is following the BOOK ENDING and not Show)), Sad and soft Andy Barber, Single Mother Reader. Cursing.

a/n: I dedicate this chapter to my LOML @sinner-as-saint. Happy Birthday Darling! ILY!

Part 1

Warnings: Small Hints of Abuse.

—

It was your full day shift at the library

You still couldn’t stop thinking about that horrid graffiti left out on Andrew’s Garage door. Why would anyone write something so horrific? It is never a common occurrence to accuse someone of being a murderer; Besides, you didn’t even truly know who the man was.

In one of your breaks while sipping on your hot cocoa, your curiosity got the best of you and googled about him. Those amateur press reporters wouldn’t crowd around a random vandalism; you knew something was up.

To your dismay, you came across terrifying articles of his family. Specifically, about his son.

You read about how Andrew Barber, the Local district attorney of the Newton County was found to be tangled in a murder case because of his son. You didn’t bother to read further for the headlines were awful; described how his 14-year-old son was in trial for the murder of his own classmate.

The details were too horrifying. The press reported every court proceeding but you didn’t proceed to read about what happened. Perhaps his son went to jail? Or he was declared not guilty but was separated from his family? You thought how a good handful of weeks passed and he had absolutely no visitors to his house. Best decision you made was to close the articles for it made you sick to the stomach.

Not only did it feel like you were invading on someone’s privacy, it was also not difficult to picture your son in Jacob Barber’s shoes.

You felt bad for the man, you really did. But then you recalled how he questioned your parenting. It takes years to build self-confidence, but just one statement to shatter it all.

It didn’t feel right reading about your neighbour, it felt like you were a stalker. And so, you resumed to stock up and label the new pile of books.

The Librarian desk was placed in such a way that you would immediately know if anyone entered the library. It would normally be teenagers and college go-ers labelled as nerds who would spend hours and hours of studying and reading. But this time, the one approaching your desk was the last person you ever wanted to see.

Nikolai’s father.

A week ago, Chad did make an appearance into your life out of the blue, asking you to take him back. But you couldn’t for you believed in two things: Your self-respect wasn’t weak, and that Nikolai didn’t deserve a pathetic excuse of a father. After you found out about his infidelity, you mentally decided not to take him back and that was a final decision.

You dropped whatever you were doing and made a beeline to Chad. “You can’t drop in during work like this.”

Quarter of an hour perhaps was spent on arguing back and forth in whispers. You will never deny that how it would be perfect for Nikolai to grow up with a father, but you kept reminding yourself not to give in to him.

“Listen Y/N. I really am sorry for barging like you on this. I want to make things right. “

“You can’t Chad,” you whispered, “I can’t. It is not fair to Nikolai and to me. Just go.”

Chad suddenly pushed you back to one of the bookshelves by gripping your shoulders. His shoulder touches were something that he used to do to offer you comfort at times of distress. But now this was causing you stress.

He gritted his teeth. “Why can’t you just fucking take me back?”

“Because I wasn’t the one who slipped into my co-worker’s vagina!”

Before you realised Chad was going to get unpleasant with you, another familiar voice interrupted the small run-in.

“Hey everything alright?”

You turned around to the stern voice only to see your neighbour, Andrew. You were fixated on him to the point where you couldn’t take your eyes off of him.

He looked so handsome.

He was wearing a formal dark navy suit, his tie almost matching his hair colour. His hair and beard were neatly groomed with just a hint of messy. His beautiful trench coat accentuated his arm muscles. He did look like a textbook District Attorney.

Andy on the other hand exchanged looks between the both of you, glaring at the man who dare pushed you back against the bookshelf. He got near to them which made Chad leave his grip and take a few steps away from her.

Chad continued the conversation with you without acknowledging the intruder’s existence. “I’m going to leave now. Think about it. I’ll come in a few days to pick up Nikolai.” He soon left, making sure he didn’t make eye contact with the formal dude who seemed to be much taller to him.

Andy approached you cautiously while your hand pressed the wrinkles off of your shoulders. “Couldn’t help but hearing the whole co-worker slipping into your vagina statement. That man your ex?”

Dealing with two arrogant men simultaneously was not something you signed up today. “Be careful Mr. Barber, the attorney in you is showing.”

Andy stiffened his shoulders but did not let go of his grin. He liked a woman who was snappy, especially when he has seen the caring side of you. “So, you know about me?”

“I can take care of myself,” deflecting from his question. You didn’t want to admit about your slip up that you read about him from an online article. “You didn’t have to do that whole saviour stunt on me Mr. Barber,” you walked away from him, heading outside the library to catch a breath of fresh air. Andy followed you like a puppy would.

“You didn’t have to do it alone too, Miss”

You noticed how he didn’t call you formally. “Andrew, I told you I-I am never going to have a conversation with you ever.”

“I know I know.” He paused and you crossed your arms, waiting for him to say something while you admired the beauty of his trench coat on his frame.

“I need to talk to you.”

“I’m busy. M-my shift ends in an hour.”

“I can wait.”

“No Andrew, my car is in the repairs and I’m bailing on my assistant to drop me home-“

“I can drop you. We literally live next to each other. Please Y/N,” He neared you, anxiously looking over at you, “Give me this tiny speck of a chance.”

You stood there trying to pull off a stern look, trying so hard not to display you inhaling his musky cologne that made you excited. Who would’ve thought you would fall for a meanie who just had a pair of needy, blue eyes?

“Alright fine,” you said giving in. “Read a book or something inside.”

Andy was happy at his sweet victory.

In that time Andy decided to look through the well-ventilated library. It was quite spacious, his senses hitting with the smell of old books and natural pesticides to keep the books from deteriorating. There were enough tables for people to sit and read at their leisure. He even recognized familiar books he used to read with Laurie every night. It was an intimate ritual for them; so eventually for the past few months, he gave up on reading.

Andy then noticed you scuttling around for a while till you plopped on your desk. Your work attire was silk white blouse with a yellow pencil skirt. There was a strut of confidence every time you took a step or gave orders to her assistant.

Neither of you would deny the lingering glances you gave each other in that time.

An hour passed and both of you stood outside near his beautiful black car.

“What is it Andrew?”

“I wanted to sincerely apologize to you. This is not right I know. I know I’ve hurt your feelings and this apology doesn’t even cover it. I stepped out of line many times even though you remained to be kind to me.”

You puffed out a breath of air. Judging by the tone of his voice, you knew the man before you were being sincere.

“Just let me make it up to you one day at a time please. It would kill me if I didn’t do anything.”

“Y-you don’t have to anything Mr. Barber. Its just-“

“I know take your time. I hope we could hit the refresh button excluding the part where I make it up to you.”

“Yeah no um- I also owe you another thanks for helping back at the Library- uh Chad? The bloke you interrupted me with?”

Andy nodded. “It was nothing really. So, can we start fresh?” He extended his hand to you and a firm handshake was exchanged.

“Apology accepted I suppose.”

Soon you found yourself in Andy’s car, who was kind to even open the door for you. Chivalry isn’t dead.

For now.

The ride back was quiet, you observing in the interiors of the sleek black car. The seat felt so comfortable, along with the man beside you. A comfortable silence prevailed the drive back home, Andy popping in superficial questions about your work and Nikolai and vice versa.

“So any plans for tonight?”

“Nikolai wanted to watch a Disney movie tonight with some Chicken Lasagne. Oddly, specific I know but kids these days, right?”

“Yeah.” You noticed how his face fell slightly and so you tried to change the topic. “What about you?”

“The usual. Netflix and Takeout. Trying to cut on the beer though you know with the new job and all.”

“Thanks for the drive back home Mr. Barber.”

He took this as a good sign. “From now on you can call me Andy.”

“Listen Mr. Barber- Andy I have to get something off of my chest. “

Andy unbuckled his seat belt and faced you, unsure of what she wanted to say. “Sure please, go ahead.”

“Okay Andy. I just want to clear the air that only know about you as an attorney because my curiosity irked me after your whole garage shed incident. I didn’t dig much because I felt like the inner me was being like a creep.”

He raised his eyebrows heart slightly sinking that you had already become the judge of his character. “So, you do know about me then?”

“Not more than how your son was involved in a murder trial,” you fumbled. “I don’t know the outcome and I don’t know why I am telling you all of this oh my god.”

Andy chuckled to see you covering your face in embarrassment, feeling a little relieved to know that you didn’t have much of an idea of who he was. He reassured her that it was completely fine, and you saw you going back home.

The next couple of days went smoother for both you and Andy. After a week it seems you and Andy always left home for work at the same time, passing casual morning greetings…which you had to do by successfully covering your blush because he never failed to look nothing less than good looking even though he was now just a swimming instructor.

Andy told you that day he apologized to you at the library was the day when he gave in an interview for the Swimming Instructor position opened at the community gym. He said it was something he used to do in his free time, and he wanted to give it a shot

You weren’t even surprised to find your mind in the gutter when you thought about Andy in skin-fit Speedos that stuck to his thick thighs and broad back. Or would he just wear trunks? You smacked your head; this what happens when the last time you got laid was two years back…

No offense to your expensive vibrator.

Andy would drop you to work if you didn’t feel like it and pick you up too. He even would take Nikolai alone for car rides which he enjoyed.

“Mommy! Wandi car go zooooom!”

He once popped into the library telling you that he would like to be a member. You would have never thought that this man was a bookworm. He soon told you how he used to have a habit of reading a book every night and now that he wants to revive it.

Normally for new inquisitive children or young adults who wanted recommendations to begin the practice of reading was handled by your assistant, Tracy. You weren’t surprised when Tracy was almost proactive when she saw Andy. But to the utter dismay of your assistant, Andy wanted to hear it from you.

Its not like you won a battle with your assistant, but you happily concurred with you head held high. He wants me. (You smacked yourself mentally again, jealousy is an ugly stain).

“How do I know you’re not bluffing Andy?” you whispered.

“Hey hey,” he leaned nearer to your ears. “I’m new to this place and I want a couple of books and recommendations that’s all. It can get lonely at home sometimes.”

As Andy and you spoke over books, you saw he had no shred of the hostility he had in these past few weeks. Andy also noticed how you looked much more comfortable than you were initially. For the both of you a new friendship was blooming.

For now.

“What kind of books are you into Mr. Barber?”

“Well I was the thriller and mystery kind, but things have changed, looking for a change rather. Nothing old sticks on to me now.”

“Ah yes. Every reader has that phase and I have just the solution.”

He was almost puzzled when you took him to the young adults section and handed over two books or rather two parts of a beautiful story.

“Harry Potter? Isn’t that a children’s book?”

“Objection your honour!” You went on to tell him the premise of the books without spoiling much for him. It suddenly struck him that Jacob had these books at home too. But he was able to push the twinge away when he hears your sweet whispers of excitement. He did complain he has watched the movies but the bookworm in him knew that books are always better than the movies.

“Okay okay! Objection is sustained.” He laughs. A genuine laughter after what seemed like eons.

You didn’t want the conversation to end. It felt refreshing to talk to Andy and so you felt generous.

“You can drop the usual food takeout today yeah? When was the last time you had home cooked meal?

Andy thought for a while. “An awfully long time Y/N. It’s okay-“

“Dinner is at my house. No excuses.”

Andy found a little purpose to be excited in life.

–

On Mondays, Andy comes home with a bottle of wine to beat the heat of a horrid Monday morning.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, Andy flaunts his cooking skills to you and Nikolai. Surprisingly, he has not lost his touch over cooking. He loved it how the little boy gets the food names all jumbled up and how, much to your embarrassment, he would ask him for food requests. Can we have Pawsta and bwed? Or Can we have spwagety?

Wednesdays and Fridays, Andy chilled out on your sofa having a tea party or fighting an alien invasion with Nikolai while you effortlessly cooked to your delight.

It’s almost become a ritual over as the weeks go by. Andy and you talk a lot, but never about each other. Both of you talk about books, or debate over politics or even talk about movies.

It was in these nights when both of you unintentionally spills the beans of your past.

First was Andy when was discussing about how he loved the Harry Potter books you suggested that the waterfall of backstories began. After dinner got over both of you sat on your couch talking about the day’s work, while Nikolai fiddled with toys on the cushioned chair. He mentioned how Jacob had these books.

“Who is Jacob?”

Andy looked ahead at Nikolai sitting at one of the comfort chairs with a couple of his figurines while his eyes fought with slumber, “My son.”

“Oh, how is he? Is he with his mother now?”

Maybe it was too soon to ask. You literally saw with your own eyes how Andy’s eyes drooped, and his figure slumped before you. It even became confusing when he shook his head slightly sideways.

Realising you may have overstepped a line, you tried to steer the conversation to another direction, but Andy blurted it out as if he needed to remind himself the truth.

“Jacob died in a car accident and his mother is in prison for the very same.”

Whispering a oh my god underneath your breath while covering your mouth didn’t stop your eyes from pricking with tears.

Andy narrated the events of the trial briefly while he grabbed the bottle of wine drinking from it directly, not getting in too detail. He mentioned how his son was dropped of all the charges and how after one vacation, everything changed. He mentioned how his now ex-wife successfully attempted to kill Jacob in a car crash because she was convinced that her son was the actual murderer.

Andy was numb to this story (the kinder version where you didn’t know he was the son of the murderer Billy Barber) and he didn’t realise the kind of reaction it would evoke from someone who had no idea about his past. Guess he was surrounded with nosy people all his life until now.

He internally panicked to you see your tearful state.

“Andy I’m so sorry.”

In an instinct you pulled Andy to you, arms wrapped around his shoulders in a hug. Andy needed a hug so bad he may have wrapped his arms around you an inch closer while he rubbed your back in assurance. He heard your small sniffles, which made him hug you tighter.

His hoarse reassuring whispers that he was alright made you even more devastated. “Hey look Y/N. I am alright okay?”

You pulled away from his embrace in embarrassment. Andy’s heart was hard as a rock, he gave you a half-hearted smile, “God I’m such a fool sometimes. Quick to come to conclusions. I shouldn’t have been so judgmental.”

“If you’re forgetting that was me a couple of weeks back.” His gently touched your cheeks wiping a tear or two away. “Hey come on now. Tears don’t suit you momma bear.”

“So, I’m a bear now huh?”

A little giggle came out of your lips and Andy felt warm. Your mind was fluttering as Andy still stroked your cheek with his thumb. You never realised could be so soothing until a worried Nikolai tried to scramble up on both of your laps.

“Mommy why you cwying?”

“Nothing peaches. Its just-“

“I ate your mommy’s cookies Nikolai,” Andy interrupted earning a dramatic gasp from the little boy while you stifled your laughter.

“Its okay Wandi. Mommy you can take the cookies fwom my jahr. Don’t cwy mommy”

After a series of awws from the two adults, Nikolai went back to his toys. It was time for Andy to leave, standing on the threshold of your house.

“This fresh start is not happening for me at all Y/N. You have been such a wonderful person entertaining me these nights but, I still can’t sleep you know. It’s haunting.”

“Andy,” you still sniffed. “The minute the garage incident was over, that was the minute you stepped away from prying eyes. No one is going to bother you now Andy. You can start fres, infact I think you already did. You bagged a Swimming Instructor shift at the local gym, you have got a new house and most importantly, or not, is that you have Nikolai and Me.

“We all have skeletons in our closet Andy, that’s the unfortunate truth. Its not going to be easy but life has to go on because little do you know you have people depending on you.”

Andy knew you were referring to Nikolai, but for him he had no one depending on him. What was the point of moving on?

“Good night Y/N”

He only left the threshold after he realised you had placed a kiss on his cheek and gave him a hug on your tiptoes.

Another night, it was your turn.

Andy soon realised Nikolai wasn’t anywhere around the house. The toys were neatly placed, and the Television wasn’t running. Music was playing from your phone, but it was low and from the smell of it, you were cooking Chicken Lasagne, Nikolai’s favourite dish.

“Where is Niko? Is he sleeping?”

“He is with his father and the grandparents.”

The dinner went awfully quiet, sure he tried to sneak conversations here and there, but he wasn’t able to hold it. He learned how you decided to actually listen to Chad’s wishes under the conditions that his grandparents would be around. Andy saw your little smile when he learned that Nikolai was extremely reluctant to go with his father. A rational side of you didn’t want to separate Nikolai from his father.

It was while you were flipping through the channels that you broke out like a dam.

“You know Andy, what you heard that day in the library was the truth you know.”

“Niko’s father Chad?”

“It was Nikolai’s first birthday. We were all gathered at home for a small birthday party. Chad and I called in our co-workers that day. In the name of this little one everyone began drinking by around four when we scheduled the party at six.”

Andy noticed how you sardonically laughed in between.

“Before we could cut the cake, I went in search of Chad because Niko wouldn’t cut the cake without him. So, I went around searching for him because I remember Chad was kind of drunk. And then I find him in our room fucking his co-worker while he screamed her name.”

You looked below and began fidgeting with your fingernails. “The next half an hour went in a haze. The guests left. Chad and I went hysteric. We were at each other’s throat. I screamed at him and Chad somehow became sober and began to um- hit me uhm-“

You were breaking and Andy didn’t want to ask you to stop narrating. You must have trusted him enough to talk about something that you evidently found traumatic. Andy scooted closer and took your palms in his hands.

“And I didn’t even realise how I was scarring Niko. He was sitting on the couch all alone scared at our hysterics. In that half hour I- I- forgot about him. The guests were gone, and he didn’t cry. Niko just sat there with his beady eyes clutching his figurines, looking at me in horror after that bastard went up to his room like nothing mattered. I’m the reason for Nikolai’s state.”

“Hey what state Y/N?” Andy stroked your cheek; the lines of formality were blurred between you two. Right now, it was just one soul comforting another in a time of agony. “Nikolai is such perfect child. I have never seen such a brilliant three-year-old in my life.”

You whimpered, “N-Niko hates birthdays. The sight of candles on a cake make him cry and disturbed. H-his nursery is left incomplete because he has these terrible nightmares when he is left alone. He comes crying in horror even if I try to let him sleep alone for once. He always sleeps with me. W-what if I damaged him Andy? Wh-what if he likes his father more in this visit? What if he leaves me?”

You sobbed uncontrollably into Andy’s chest. He didn’t hesitate in cradling you and stroking your hair. He pulled you closer, leaning back at the couch. He waited for your crying to die down.

“You’re such an amazing mother darling,” he whispered, the loving nickname going unnoticed because it seemed so right, “So caring, so kind. Nikolai loves you, you know that right?”

He felt you nodding your head at his chest while none of you bothered to acknowledge how both of your legs were intertwined now. Andy scooted lower on the sofa, lying down with you still cradled to him.

“Chad was a fucking scoundrel okay? Anybody would have reacted like that like you did.” Andy gritted his teeth when he recalled that he hit you but suppressed his emotions because his emotions wasn’t important now. “Nikolai is going to be simply fine. When he comes back, he’s going to run into your arms and say how much he missed you and then proceed to ransack the living room with his toys.”

That genuinely made you laugh. You didn’t want to let go of Andy. His cologne was calming. His sweater shirt was soft. You even felt his little belly; he did mention he was drinking a lot of beer and whiskey when he can’t sleep in the night. It felt so intimate; it felt so right in spite the fact the neither of you are dating.

“You’re a good man Andy.”

Andy places a chaste kiss on your forehead. He saw your cheeks scrunch up, like you were blushing. His lips felt soft on your forehead, a warmth running through the both of you. Andy decided to leave but your grip on his meant something else. Looking down, he felt your soft breaths on his neck now for you tucked your head on his neck. You must be clingy he wondered, but he didn’t mind. He needed a dose of clingy looking at his current state of life.

“Good Night Y/N.”

He was supposed to get up slowly and untangle from your limbs and spread a blanket on you before he left. He was supposed to go back inside his house and have another round of sleepless nights.

Not cuddle and have a good night’s sleep peacefully with you in your soft sofa?

–

Finally, Saturdays and Sundays are the lazy days, ironically both of you don’t hang out as much on the weekends for deep inside Andy thought he was invading Nikolai and yours family time.

When Nikolai was back the next day, just like Andy had mentioned, he ran into your arms and kissed you so much. He even hugged you harder and said he didn’t want to go back to his father.

“He’s not like Wandi. Wandi likes tea pawties. Papa says tea pawties is for guhls and not for boys.”

“Peaches that’s not true, you can play tea party any time you want. You can play with me and Andy okay?”

“Yeah okay. Can we play tea pawty inside Wandi’s cahr too?”

“Niko!”

Your little boy also managed to change your mother-son ritual into a mother-son-neighbour ritual. He persisted you into calling Andy for the everyday evening picnic at the lawn. You knew your son loved Andy but a little voice asked if this was too much.

Apparently it wasn’t. Andy was extremely happy to join you and Nikolai. He kept asking if it was okay but a few reassurances later Andy joined you with a jar of lemonade. “I may have peaked out of the window and seen your daily picnics. None of them have this baby.” (Of course he was talking about his lemonade).

“Mommi look, Wandi made lemonade! Yaaaay!”

He runs over and hugs Andy as tight as his little hands can.

“I bake this boy five types of cookies and he falls for your lemonade? Blasphemy Andy. What are you doing to my son?” you ask him with feigned wound in your heart.

“Oh Y/N. He’s just found a new friend. Don’t be jealous now.”

Seeing your son and Andy bond made you heart make a little small wish; that Niko and you find a companion like Andy. Wishing for Andy himself is like wishing for a star. Why would this perfect man fall for a broken person like you?

Andy and you spoke while the little boy ran around the lawn with his toys and it was then his senses came alive and he took in his surroundings.

A pink stained sky; clouds imitating to be cotton candy. A beautiful house in a quaint neighbourhood. The faint smell of your warm cookies and refreshing lemonade while your son ran around. A woman of his dreams weaving her palm through the strands of her hair. This was a dreamland.

And in that moment, he scooted near you and he entwined his hands into yours. You were perplexed at what he was doing but you went with the flow. He wanted his utopia.

“Andy? What are you-“

“Y/N, will you go on a date with me?”

After a few minutes later, your answer gave all the reassurance that he finally got his fresh start; that he can finally start a new life without the demons in the closet.

Right?

–

Part 3

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#Andy Barber #Defending Jacob #Andy Barber x reader #Andy Barber Imagines #Chris Evans x reader #chris evans #chris evans imagine #defending jacob spoilers #andy barber smut #andy barber fluff #andy barber angst #chris evans x you #andy barber imagine #defending jacob finale #andrew barber #jacob barber

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kickingitwithkirk · 4 years

Text

Deuxième Omega

Summary: Jensen is not dealing well with his unexpected divorce and before the ink is even dry, he is pushed into another union with a complete stranger.

Pairing: Alpha!Jensen Ackles x Omega!OFC

Word Count: 3363

Warnings: A/B/O, angst, angry Jensen, cursing, alcohol abuse, parental manipulation, arranged marriage, Alpha dominance over Omega, unintended injuries.

A/N: So, get this; a lot of my original writing ideas from my weird as hell dreams about Sam Winchester but for some reason Jensen is starring in this one. I’m gonna blame the bad PMS I’m having for all the angst in this.

A/N II: There is no intentional hate or malevolence intended towards any of the Ackles family. This is a purely fictional piece containing real and created persons/names/events set in the fictional A/B/O verse.

*Supernatural doesn’t end in season 15 and some dates/events have been altered to fit the story.

*no beta, all mistakes are mine *photos found online

Jensen was sitting slouched on the leather couch staring at the paperwork that had been dropped off by courier this morning, official notification of the dissolution of his marriage to Danneel when Jared entered his trailer. “It’s not gonna say anything different no matter how many times you look at it.”

“I know,” Jensen sighed heavily, “never thought I’d be in this position.” He tossed the papers on the table and picked up his beer draining it in one go.

“You better not drink anymore, we’ve still got two more scenes to get through before we can leave tonight.”

Jensen rolled his head towards Jared leaning across the kitchenettes bar counter with a very concerned expression.

Jensen had always been a social drinker, he did love his beer, the slight softness over his toned stomach was the biggest indicator. But there had been constant uptick in his drinking during the mandatory two year waiting period for an Alpha/Beta divorce. So far, it hadn’t seriously interfered with work but there had been several instances of his obvious imbidding that Jared, Alex, even Misha ended up pumping him full of coffee to get him through.

“Then let’s get them done so I can get really fucked up before that shit show happens tomorrow.”

“Jack, give this new marriage a chance. Your dad said she’s a good match right? You never know, maybe it’ll work out like Gen and me.” Jared’s marriage had been a private match and he was happy with the Omega that his family had chosen.

Jensen snorted, getting up and walking out of his trailer, “Yeah, you lucked out with her, not always the case. Look at me, I’m getting a second hand Omega.”

*** To say the atmosphere in the private arrivals area was strained was an understatement. The Ackles were seating several feet apart awaiting their son.

“Mommy…daddy, how’s it..go..going?” They both turned in unison to see their very drunk middle child staggering towards them followed closely by Jared and Clif.

“Jensen Ross Ackles, how could you show up in this condition!” Donna Ackles snapped as he gave her a cheeky smile before passing out. “Fuck!” Jared blurted out, catching him before he face planted onto the tiled floor.

“Jared Tristan Padalecki you’re to blame for this!”

“I’m the one who’s been there for him, not the one forcing him to do something he’s not ready for! This is on you, I’ve tried to get him to stop but he’s hurting like hell and you don’t care!”

“You can’t speak to me that way young man! I always knew you came from trash and this proves it.”

Jared let his inner Alpha surface, eyes glowing red in anger, “If you ever speak disparagingly about my family again…” Clif quickly stepped in between them giving Jared a look.

“I’ve had it with you inserting yourself in our family business! I’ll make sure you never have contact with Jensen outside of work ever again!”

“You go ahead and try, Jensen’s forty two years old and more than capable of making his own choices. The only reason he’s agreed to this is because you’ve duped him into believing this is the only way to uphold your family’s social standing in the Dallas Pack because all you care about is how you look to those fucking country club bitches!”

“Alan, could you please bring the car around so we can get away from this embarrassing situation.” The older Alpha gripped his mates arm giving her a firm look of disapproval and steered her towards the exit. They could still hear her grousing, “how dare he deliver Jensen in this state,” as they went out the door.

Jared hefted his friend over his broad shoulder and carried Jensen back out the private entrance as the SUV pulled up. Clif opened the back door and helped Jared place him in the vehicle, carefully laying him across the seat.

“How bad has it been for him?” Alan inquired after Clif shut the door so his mate couldn’t hear.

Jared pulled off his beanie, running both hands through his hair, not hiding his frustration before answering, “He’s been in a downward spiral, drinking continuously, got him to stick to beer. I found him looking at the divorce papers and as you see… ”

Alan sighed heavily. Jensen’s divorce came out of nowhere, everything on the surface appeared good between him and Danneel but in hindsight he realized there were telltale signs all along, the biggest was her reluctance to have children.

Anytime anyone inquired she waved it off, saying she wanted to wait till Supernatural had ended, it wouldn’t be fair to leave all the responsibility for rearing their pups predominantly on her, she wanted Jensen there, to be a hands-on father.

Alphas were involved to an extent in care and raising of pups, but it was unusual for one to be as hands on as the Betas or Omegas were.

Jensen was one of those exceptions. Whenever with his siblings, he was right in there helping, never turning down a chance to play with them, even princess tea parties with his only niece. When on vacation or at conventions with Jared and his mate, he always was willing to help with their pups.

“I want to formally apologize for what Donna said, she overstepped the lines of etiquette. This is no excuse but she doesn’t know how to handle this situation. Jensen’s always been her favorite and she personally picked Danneel as his mate, it’s been a slap to her ego.”

Jared smiled, “I accept your apology Alan. Jensen’s always said his mother has been a…handful.”

Alan laughed, “That’s the diplomatic way of putting it,” he signed again, “Donna’s family always spoiled her being the only Omega, somewhere along the way she’s forgetting that being part of Dallas society doesn’t give you the right to treat others badly.”

*** Late next morning

Jensen was sitting on the edge of his hotel bed contemplating how he got here.

He thought Danneel was the one. When they were introduced by his mother a few months before his twenty seventh birthday they instantly clicked and started dating that night.

Jensen proposed six months later, couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have found a love match. Danneel stated she wasn’t ready to give up her career yet, so they compromised and decided on a long engagement.

Supernatural started filming its fourth season when Kripke announced that the series would end with season five. Danneel also found out her current role was being written out of the series she was in about the same time so they set the date for May 2010.

Jared’s surprise wedding in February that year reaffirmed Jensen’s desire to settle down and start his family in a few months. They bought a home outside Austin like Jared and his new mate Genevieve. Things were going as planned, then the unexpected happened.

A couple months before they finished filming the CW announced Supernatural was being picked up for season six under new leadership.

Jensen returned to Vancouver not long after they were married. Danneel continued working, doing guest starring roles on other series and was cast in the occasional recurring role of Jo.

Every year when the show went on hiatus Jensen would bring up about starting their own family, he was feeling the biological pull more and more. Once again, she stated it wouldn’t be fair for them to have a family and him be a drop-in father, and moving to Vancouver full time, nope, he worked too many hours.

Danneel started dabbling in other interests outside of acting and in 2018 they opened The Family Business Brewery with her family. A few months later Jensen was served with the divorce announcement.

*** “Jensen, it’s time.” He looked up and Alan was saddened by the lost look in his son’s eyes. There was a resignation in those green eyes that never existed before. Saying nothing Jensen got up, slipped on his suit jacket and walked out of the room.

Alan mentally shook himself but that nagging feeling was back once again, something wasn’t right about this whole situation.

*** The Uber stopped at the back door of the small country church. The woman in the backseat thanked the driver and got out, pulling the garment bag with her. She walked to the door and rang the bell. It opened revealing the minister’s wife.

“You’re very late, the wedding is starting in fifteen minutes.” She said, hurrying up a staircase to the second floor and entered an empty room. “Where is your family? They should have arrived already to help you get ready.”

“There is no one coming,” the woman replied as she hung the garment bag over a closet door next to the mirror attached to it. The minister’s wife’s jaw dropped in surprise, “and it won’t take me long to get ready. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

She unzipped the bag removing a veil and shoes having arrived already in her dress, chosen by the groom’s mother, and attached the veil to the headpiece holding back part of her simply styled hair. She looked at herself for a moment before pulling the front part of the veil over her face then joined the minister’s wife who was to escort her to the chapel. She placed the shoes she wouldn’t wear until after the ceremony on the small table outside the double doors and took her place in front of them.

Jensen was sitting in the first pew of the small country church wondering why this place was chosen for the wedding as Donna and Alan made their way to sit next to him. His siblings, Joshua and Mackenzie, were already seated in the one behind him with their mates as the rest of the Ackles clan that had been invited filled up the rest of the pews.

He looked over at the bride’s side. There was not a single person seated in any of those pews. He frowned, finding it strange, wondering where her family was when the intro music started.

The minister took his place and gestured for him to rise. Jensen couldn’t move, his body feeling like it was tied down with lead weights. “Jensen!” His mother hissed at him in a low tone.

Suddenly, he felt himself get up, urgently needing to get away from her as his inner Alpha became agitated, as if it sensed something was amiss.

Each secondary gender pairing had their own ceremonial traditions so he was required to remain facing forward when the music changed and the doors behind him opened.

As the guests stood Jensen focused his senses on her as she proceeded down the aisle. He couldn’t scent her, too many different scents mingling together to isolate hers. He listened to the whispering material of the dress as she slowly walked, finally stopping next to him. In his peripheral vision he could see her head bowed under the thick veil obscuring her face and hair, her hands were clasped together in front of her, devoid of a bouquet.

The minister started speaking, talking about the obligations each Alpha and Omega were required to follow as dictated by the book. Jensen inhaled sharply, realizing what was occurring.

This wasn’t the common ceremony but the ancient, traditional version that only the extreme believers still used today. There was absolutely no out for either party from once the proceedings started.

If he objected to the ceremony he would be shunned by his pack, his family would be forced to never acknowledge him again or suffer the same censure; if the marriage didn’t work and they separated, he was responsible for her care as she would be set aside from society and forced to live in isolation.

He looked over at his parents, Alan was pinching the bridge of his nose trying to quell his anger knowing that his mate had put Jensen in an impossible situation as Donna sat there with a fake, placid look.

His own mother had irrevocably bound him to this Omega for the rest of his life.

The rest of the ceremony was a blur, neither party was required to say anything, there was no exchange of rings or a kiss at the end. The minister finished the ceremony and turned to the altar signing the marriage certificate with a quill pen dipped in ink. Jensen signed next, his hand was shaking so violently in anger making his signature barely legible.

The Omega didn’t sign, only her name was required for legality and the minister filled it in. He poured a powder on it to set the ink, blew off the access, rolled it up and tied it with a piece of twine before handing it to Jensen offering his blessings for a fruitful marriage. It took every ounce of his acting ability to politely smile, shake his hand, thanking the minister for the proceedings.

He turned, marching out without acknowledging his bride and she obediently followed behind him, pausing to grab her shoes along the way and scurrying to the waiting limousine climbing in after him.

Jensen sat in the back on the farthest side pouring himself a drink from the bar as his new wife sat quietly near the still open door. A few minutes later Jensen was on his third glass of whiskey when his parents climbed in and the chauffeur shut the door. He started the limo and as they pulled out Alan pressed the button to close the privacy window between them.

The tension in the back was so palatable an icebreaker couldn’t have cut through it. “Donna how could you…” Alan was unable to say anymore, his disgust for what had happened thick in those few words. “I did nothing wrong,” she snapped back, “I only had Jensen’s best interests…”

“Like when you threatened to sabotage my friendship with Jared again? By the way, Clif’s the one who dropped the dime on what happened after I passed out last night, not Jared, so you don’t get to blame him for that too.” Jensen threw back the rest of his drink before continuing.

“Oh, don’t think I’ve ever been ignorant of your disdain for him ‘cause the clan he comes from isn’t good enough for those highfalutin bitches in your social circle. Or how you’ve persuaded me to do this only to find out you took it to the extreme, forcing me into an impossible situation, accept this marriage or lose everything. Congratulations mom, you are still the queen bitch, sorry, bee, your precious reputation is secure.”

They traveled the rest of the way in silence. The limousine pulled onto the grounds of the country club in front of its grand entrance. Jensen got out before the chauffeur finished putting the car in park leaving his new wife to scramble out behind him as Alan and Donna got out the other side.

Jensen finally took a good look at his bride. She was in a simple, modestly cut, long sleeved dress, the only adornments a row of buttons down the bodice, no jewelry and apparently a pair of shoes that didn’t fit as she was struggling to get them on.

She was still fussing with her left shoe when he spoke in a stern voice, “Since our wedding was in the traditional, we’ll continue with its edicts. You are not to remove that veil, acknowledge or speak to anyone. You will not leave my side for any reason. Where I go, you go, three steps behind me. Nod once if you understand.” She nodded once.

“Son, I think…”

“Dad, as the traditional also states, I’m well within my rights to make demands of my Omega without interference, am I not?”

Alan acquiesced, “Yes, you are.”

“So” Jensen rubbed his hands together, “let’s go celebrate this disaster, shall we.” Putting on a fake smile, he went into the venue to greet his family with his Omega obediently three steps behind him.

*** Several hours later

“This shit has got to stop cause I swear it’s the only time I’m doing this dad.” Josh grunts, annoyance thickening his voice as he helped guide his inebriated brother to his hotel room. “Come on.. have ‘nother drunk, ‘posed to be celebrating my disaster marriage to that…’mega..don’t even want her.”

“Jensen, shut the fuck up! I’m not gonna stand here and let you insult your mate.” Josh snapped at him.

Jensen ripped his arm loose, “ ‘en go, not stopping you…and she’s not my mate,” his free arm waves unsteadily as he points towards his new wife standing by the main door, “my real mate took my money, my home, my fucking heart!!!”

Josh turned his back on his brother, “Jensen, I can’t stand seeing you like this, you need to get it together.” He headed for the main door, pausing to speak to his brother’s new wife, “I’m sorry he’s taken his anger out on you now. My brother is a good man, an honorable Alpha,” he stepped close to her and lowered his voice, “there is far more to this than what you’ve been told, please be patient with him.” He left slamming the door behind him.

“Fuck him,” Jensen muttered staggering into the bedroom and sitting on the edge of the bed slumped over.

“Jensen, your brother is right, you have got to pull yourself together. Therefore, as the Alpha of our clan, you are banned from our family. When you are back to being yourself, the Alpha you once were, you may appeal for re-admittance.”

Alan then did something he hadn’t done since Jensen was a small child, he bent over and placed a kiss on his son’s head, “I love you and I want my son back.” Nodding to his new daughter in law he left.

It hurt him tremendously knowing he wouldn’t see his son for a long time but it was for his own good. Now his Omega was the only one who could help him mend. Hopefully Jensen would see this marriage wasn’t the biggest mistake he’s imagined it to be.

Jensen didn’t move until he heard someone shuffling their feet. He looked up squinting at his new wife still standing by the bedroom door. Sitting up straight he grunted at her and passed out, falling backwards on the mattress. She slowly walked over and hesitated a moment before reaching out touching his shoulder, shaking him.

Getting no response she sat down near him lifting her right foot, gingerly removing the ill fitting shoe with a gasp and then repeated with her left. The blisters on both her heels that had busted open earlier were raw and had bleed. She detached her veil and wadded it up, stuffing it in a shoe and bent over untying Jensen’s and removed them too.

Standing up she gripped both his jacket lapels and hefted him upright to lean against her as she worked it off letting him flop back down and unbuttons his shirt leaving him sleep the case of everything he drank off. She left a pain reliever and bottled water on the nightstand.

Quietly shutting the bath door she found the dress had too many small buttons down the back. She laughed mirthlessly at the irony she was stuck in the dress like this marriage. Pulling the skirt up over her knees she sat on the counter to soak and clean her sore feet in the basin.

Once the worst of the ache was gone she pulled the drain and climbed off to finish washing up the best she could. The mirror reflects back the emotional toll of the last few months in her eyes.

She went over to the bed only to find her husband had moved, sprawled out over its entire surface. Searching for extra bedding and not finding any she gave up going back into the main room and curled up on the couch hoping to find a comfortable position to get some sleep for a few hours so she could briefly forget what her life had become.

Part II

SPN: @donnaintx

Dean/Jensen: @flamencodiva

#alpha!jensen ackles x omega!ofc #alpha!jensen ackles #alpha!jared padalecki #a/b/o ofc #supernatural a/b/o #alpha!jensen ackles x omega #jensen ackles #jared padalecki #a/b/o rp

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haru-desune · 4 years

Text

Grimmtober Day 31: The Robber Bridegroom

One of them noticed a gold ring on the murdered girl's little finger. Because it did not come off easily, he took an ax and chopped the finger off, but it flew into the air and over the barrel, falling right into the bride's lap.

A spooky one to celebrate the last day of Grimmtober! Content warnings for women in peril, cannibalism, murder, mutilation, and gore. This is a story of ATU type 955, and it is told like this:

Once there was a miller who had a beautiful daughter of marriageable age. He decided he would get her married to the first suitable groom who passed by. Soon there came a wealthy man who seemed of good sorts, and the betrothal was set. However, the man left the young bride with a deep sense of unease which she could not place.

At first, all was well, as they stayed apart, but eventually, the bridegroom asked the woman why she wouldn't visit him though they had been betrothed for several months. First, she tried to say that she did not know where he lived, but he told her he lived in the middle of the forest.

This only strengthened her unease, and she tried to excuse herself by saying she wouldn't know how to find it. But the Bridegroom said that he'd leave a trail of ashes for her to follow. Unable to put it off anymore, she agreed.

The time came for the young bride to visit the house, and she set off into the forest with a pocket full of peas and lentils, dropping one along the path as she walked. Eventually, she came across a lonely old house and she was filled with an even greater sense of dread.

As she entered a bird in a cage in the corner of the first room warned her away, telling her that she was in a murderer's house. She ignored the warning and ventured forth. Every room she passed was empty. Finally, she came to the cellar, where she found an old woman tending to a cauldron.

The old woman told her that this was a house of cabalistic robbers, of which her bridegroom was the leader, who were certain to have her killed and eaten if she married into the household. The old woman hid her away behind a large cask of wine and promised that she would help her escape that night, for she too was looking for a way to leave the house.

No sooner had she done this, than the door opened and the band of robbers returned, carrying a struggling young woman. They made her drink three glasses of wine, red, white, and yellow, and she fell down dead. They then stripped the body of jewels and finery, chopped her up, and cooked her to eat.

As they ate, one of the robbers noticed a gold ring on a finger of the body. It was not easy to remove, so he took an axe and chopped off the finger. But the finger flew into the air and landed in the lap of the bride behind the cask. The robbers searched the room but were unable to find the finger. Just as they were to check behind the cask, the old woman convinced them to give up the search, as the finger wasn't likely to run away in the night.

The woman then drugged the robbers' wine, and once they were all asleep, she and the young bride snuck away. The trail of ashes was destroyed, but the peas and lentils had sprouted enough for them to find their way out of the forest. The girl ran home and told her father everything.

On the day of the wedding, the bridegroom and his gang arrived, along with a large number of other guests, as the miller had invited all of his friends and relatives. At the wedding feast, each was asked to tell a story, and the bride sat through it all in silence. Then the groom urged her to tell a story of her own, so she told the story of her adventure in the robbers' house - but she framed it as though it was something she experienced in the dream.

After each sentence she spoke, the robber tried to say that it was only a dream, but then she mentioned the finger with the golden ring and pulled out the same finger as evidence. The robber went pale and tried to run away, but he and his band were caught by the rest of the wedding guests and turned over to the courts. He and his entire band were executed for their crimes.

How's that for a Halloween tale?! This was first published in Children's and Household Tales, though I can't imagine reading it to any child today. It certainly makes for a grim bedtime story (pun fully intended).

I was originally going to do Bluebeard for today's tale, which was in the original Grimm's fairytales. However, the Grimms took their version of the story out of subsequent printings as they felt it belonged more to the French storytelling tradition. It's really hard to find their version online - most of the ones I found are just Perrault's tale attributed to the Grimms - and it looks like you may only be able to read it if you're lucky enough to find it in print. The Jack Zipes translation is supposed to be quite good. I did find this cool blog post comparing the two though if you are interested.

The Robber Bridegroom has a lot of similarities to Bluebeard and other ATU 312 tales. However, it isn't the "sin" of curiosity (The blog I linked has a good point to make about that in the Grimm version vs the Perrault version of Bluebeard) that gets the girl in trouble. She finds herself in danger because she ignores her gut feeling and more explicit warnings. At the same time, it is her quick wit, and, importantly, the help of the old lady - another woman in a similar situation as the bride.

Looking at folklore and fairy tales through a feminist lens can be tricky. Many stories either fall into a "Woman as a prize/prop/victim" category or exist in a sort of grey area in terms of agency. Part of this is because of the tropey nature of the tales - you're literally working with archetypes and stock characters. In most cases, unless the character is the protagonist, they're not going to be particularly fleshed out. So it's no real coincidence that the Grimm stories that give the most agency to women are usually the ones where the women are the protagonists (this one, Seven Ravens, and even to an extent the original Cinderella for example).

There's also the time period to take into account. Most folk/fairy tales were meant to educate as much as they were meant to entertain. Your protagonists should have traits that you want your children to emulate. So the view of femininity and the woman's role in society at the time will play a part in how women are portrayed in folktales. (There are a lot of papers out there that explain it better than me). Looking at it from a modern lens, I see this as a story about a girl who got bad vibes about her finance, was proven right on further investigation, and managed to bring him to justice with the help of another victim of his abuse. What did it represent to women in the 19th century?

On a lighter note: I can't end the month of Grimmtober without my usual PSA for today's shitty parent - our buddy the miller. Would it kill you to do a background check on your future son-in-law? Rich dude comes up to your door, no background or history, lives in a spooky house in the woods with a bunch of friends, no apparent job to speak of, and you're like "yeah seems legit"? Maybe a house call, or asking around if anyone knows the dude, anything before marrying off your only child. YIKES, my man. Big Yikes.

Further Reading:

The Irresistible Fairy Tale: The Cultural and Social History of a Genre - Jack Zipes

Women Who Open Doors: Bluebeard and Horror - Chloe N. Clark

Not So Very Blue, after All: Resisting the Temptation to Correct Charles Perrault's "Bluebeard - Nicholas Ruddick

Women Who Run With The Wolves: Myths And Stories Of The Wild Woman Archetype - Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Bluebeard's Female Helper: The Ambiguous Role of the Strange Old Woman in the Grimms' "Castle of Murder" and "The Robber Bridegroom." - Daniela Hempen

Fractured fairy tales: German women authors and the Grimm tradition - Janine Blackwell

"Some Day My Prince Will Come": Female Acculturation through the Fairy Tale - Marcia R. Lieberman

#the brothers grimm #grimmtober #grimm's fairy tales #artober2020 #artober #fairy tales #the robber bridegroom #shiv's art #tw: gore #tw: mutilation #tw: blood #tw: cannibalism #tw: women in dangerous situations #tw: murder

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ciggylungz · 4 years

Note

oh no i'm so sorry all of that happened to you love!!! but you still live with the people who did that?? are you safe?? like nothing happened to them? (feel free to ignore that i know this is not something nice to talk about, im just concerned about you)

___tw/sexual assault/rape/cp/trauma

____

im’ at a point in my life now where i can talk about the things that happened to me, while painful i do it so i can be a source of comfort for other victims and be a voice in a movement so i’m alright with talking about it so i’ll give you the run down.

Basically the sexual abuse started when i was 2, from an older boy who was at the same in-home daycare i went to run by a very neglectful woman (while there i was molested, victimized in cp, broke my arm and had gotten into cabinets eating things and got so sick i was vomiting and had to go to the hospital- this was from age 6 weeks old-2 and a half years. so i was little.) and when my mom found out about the boy doing it, she didn’t do anything. she continued to send me back and told me to keep stop talking about it.

i grew up in (and still unfortunately live in) a really bad household.very poor, Raging alcoholic dad, narcissistic in-denial mom, so the abuse was always on an all time high, even still to this day it’s lingering.

Was a victim of cp at the hands of men at church as a little girl, the adults knew and even thought it was ‘cute’ i had adapted to calling a 60 year old man ‘my boyfriend’ when i was 3 because he was abusing me and grooming me, filming it and circulating it to other people.

When i was 12 i was brutally raped in the school bathroom staying after the last day before Christmas break. December 20th, by someone i had known my entire life and he also took pictures. because i had been groomed my whole life by people like this i had no one to turn to, and didn’t tell anyone and instead my mom only found out because when i was almost 15 i had tried to kill myself and when i was being transported to the hospital because of blood loss and OD they found the journals i left out with writings about what had happened to me. Thats how they found out, and instead of helping me they still to this day use my trauma to manipulate and shame me. i have never enjoyed Christmas time since.

I still live at home with my parents, they effectively isolated me down in a really low populated county away from my friends and my home town (baltimore city) and have basically held me here for the past 3 years completely isolated using me and my freedom as a pawn while making me completely dependent on them so i can’t just run and leave, even though im 18. they’ve stripped me of everything i dont even know how to drive.

the videos made of me being raped,molested,and abused from infancy into my early teen years were sold on the internet and shared between pedo’s (i know this because i’ve seen it first hand and had some of these men literally track me down when i was 14-to present day trying to pay me to recreate the cp i was forced into as a child. as well as people who posted my pictures on here when tumblr had a huge problem with pedophiles.) i’ve seen it monetized, shared, and traded. and it will forever haunt me.

I’m far from being healed, i don’t think i will ever be able to say i forgive anyone who did the things they did to me. i don’t think i’ll ever be able to say i’m over the times i had been raped and impregnated as a 14 year old while i was drunk only to have the fetus beaten out of me till i had a miscarriage. I won’t be able to ever fully recover from being a victim of multiple people in my lifetime. i won’t be able to trust psych wards anymore after becoming a victim to sexual violence at the hands of its staff many time. I don’t know why it always has to be me. it’s like i have a sign on my forehead that says “hurt me! violate me!” even when i was a toddler who didn’t know what was going on.

I don’t think i’ll ever be able to move on from the fact videos of me being raped, molested and exploited still circulate online from the hands of pedophiles and sick people who somehow are able to track me down and identify me all these years later.

It’s a horrible fucking thing and i’m not okay. don’t know if i ever will be okay, and thats not what people want to hear but it’s the truth.

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temencmoth · 4 years

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TL;DR: Asked my parents (mom and dad) to talk and didn't allow them to break my stated boundaries. After they broke, I went into a locked room, and they planned to take the door off and called me ridiculous. I was able to talk my dad down from doing so, told him I would talk to them both a little later, and only my dad showed up to hear the rest. After speaking my piece, I got called lazy, that I was making an incorrect, stupid choice, and basically some unknown rules and consequences will be coming my way.

A couple days ago, I wrote out 4 pages (following the DEAR MAN assertive asking template) about my reasons for doing so, trying to be as honest as I felt comfortable. I wrote out two pages behind the four just of statements to say if when my boundaries were crossed. It was basically two pages of "Please refrain from X. If it happens again, I will leave the room and the discussion will be over." I thought of other ways to keep my boundary firm, if it means that I'll have to go into a locked room or leave the house or something.

Crazy thoughts, right? That your parents would see that you locked a door and behave in a manner so inappropriate you'd have to leave the house to enforce a boundary?

Anyway.

I asked my parents to the back of the house today to sit down and talk about my decision to not do the thesis. I asked up front not to be interrupted except for immediate clarification, such as not catching something I said. I could tell that they didn't like it and yelling was incoming, but I was still going strong. For background, I went into a University to graduate from the honors college, and to graduate from that honor's college you need to complete the courses from your chosen major as well as a thesis in your senior year. Long story short, I've decided that there's basically no way in hell I can get the thesis done, so I'm going to go out with a general studies degree I'd qualified for while working on my wanted degree.

I got to the fourth point, where I thank my mom for offering to write the paper with me. She tutors for a living, and she has helped me write papers before-- But the big reason I'm not comfortable working with her is the last time she helped me write a paper. I was called manipulative, told I didn't care about the professor and was taking advantage of [the professor] because I was too lazy and manipulative and Cluster B-- You know the shtick, I'm an irredeemably bad person. She didn't yell all at me like usual because my grandfather who was beginning to suffer from dementia was in the other room with his "friend" (fuck you Ida) who just wanted money from him. I walked out at one point and came back, and she was just the tiniest bit-- She seemed like she was angry that she went too far and I went away, more than she was upset about upsetting me in any capacity.

In any case, it was fucking traumatic. But she didn't hear me say any of the above-- I said I didn't want to work on the thesis with her and she interrupted me with I can't even remember, but she put her hands on her head and was so sad and angry I was being this stupid, but

I stood my ground.

I said "Please don't interrupt me. If it happens again, I will leave the room and the conversation will be over."

I clarified that she would not let me say my piece, then got up, said "I stated my boundary and the consequences of breaking it clearly. I will be open to having this discussion at a later time." And went into a room just down the hall that had a locking door. I went in quickly, locked the door, and stood in front of it while the handle shook and she yelled at me to open the door. That I was being-- Childish, I think the accusation was, that I'm just trying to control her and everything and I can't have my way all of the time.

My dad told her not to break the door down, he can just take the knob off. He told her to go, that he can talk to me and try to get me out of there. I can't remember the conversation too well, but some highlights were

This isn't what the real world is like [being able to leave when you said you would leave when boundaries are broken >:^(]

This is their house, so they can take down the door if I don't cooperate

I know mom is going to go off, let her spit her abuse say her peace then continue

You just have to let this happen

You're being childish.

I stated many times that I'm maintaining this boundary, and he eventually gave up on getting me out of there at that moment. We agreed on 30 minutes

("I'll give you 5 minutes." "30." "15 then," "30." "...I'll see what I can do.")

and in that I texted my friend, letting them know that I might need a ride if things go further. I made sure my stuff was together and tried not to cry too hard, because I was genuinely open to finishing what I had written and being too emotional means I would be completely discredited. At least that way, I could say I tried.

While I was doing this, my sister (former scapegoat, currently being groomed as the Golden Child) banged on the door and asked why I said my mom wouldn't let me eat. I said I never said that, because, what? But apparently my mom had come into the living room wailing about how I'm lying to all my therapists and that she's not abusive, we don't even know what abuse is, here are personal details of my husband's abuse that he has chosen not to tell the rest of the family to prove that you're not being abused. I'm a manipulative liar, she's the only victim in the house, you know the sctick. Anyway, my sister apologized and I waited the time out.

Like I said in the TL;DR, just my dad came to listen when the time was up. I read the rest of the thing, and he wasn't happy.

Which is just. How pathetic and childish, sulking because someone told her that her stepping across a boundary would have consequences after me literally saying to her that stepping over a boundary would have consequences. It's pathetic I have to teach her basic respect like that. The metaphor that kept coming to mind was training a dog. I obviously have more complicated feelings towards her than "she's an abusive dog" but jesus christ, wanna act emotionally mature for once?

I read the rest of my reasons for getting the general studies to my dad, and I could tell he wasn't happy the whole time. Disappointed face, you know? I read it through tears, opening part of my heart, knowing that it was worthless to him.

He said I was making the wrong decision since to graduate from scholar's I basically needed to just buckle down and do a paper. I already had work on it done, even if working with mom is unpleasant I can do it on my own and turn it in no problems.

Looking back, this response doesn't address anything but my unwillingness to do the paper. I told him how my reader left and I wasn't comfortable with anyone else, that at this point in my life academics were very detrimental to my emotional health, that I was ready to move on with my life, none of that was addressed. It was all Nike. Just do it.

And now I'm here questioning if I am making too big a deal of this, because it is just a paper, it is just a couple more classes, no way I'll have another breakdown. Nope. No possible way. No chance even that I have actually understood that I'll probably regret this and it's a regret I can live with and rectify when I have better resources.

He asked what I planned to do next. I bought up a few things: Plans my friend and I have for an online store (it wouldn't be big, especially at first, but it would get me experience designing/maintaining a website, packing/shipping, marketing, etc.), some freelance/gig things, and that the disabilities office at school sent out a link to disability job fair.

Then I was told that I'm so smart, and creative, and ahead of 99% of the population and I don't need to be looking specifically for jobs which would work with my disability, which is a crock of shit because if I didn't have a disability I would've graduated school a year ago with my thesis done. Why does he only praise me when it will make things easier for him?

This is way too fucking long, sorry. Just. Wanted to get it out there I guess.

#temen #eb #so if anyone wants to hear what I'll be takling about in terapy next week

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rosaliegracemd · 4 years

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267 leaks are out!

It appears there is more to Dabi than just being Todoroki Touya.

I have reason to believe Dabi was once trained/taken in by the Hero Public Safety Commission as well! In particular, his beef with Hawks, a HPSC lapdog, seems to be extremely personal.

Long post ahead so please bear with me!

There have been theories floating around that Dabi and Hawks were childhood friends and classmates. I don’t agree because 1) Hawks is the same age as Fuyumi (22 y.o.) who is the eldest sister and Touya has been said to be the eldest sibling 2) Hawks lives in Fukuoka and the Todorokis live in Shizuoka and 3) it doesn’t seem like Hawks ever went to school unlike Touya.

To give you a rough idea. Here’s a detailed map of the students’ birthplaces I got from @herald-adaar

As you can see, Fukuoka (incidentally, Shoji’s birthplace too) is a far off island.

It appears Hawks was stunned that Dabi knew his civilian name was Takami Keigo. Hori specifically mentioned Hawks’ name is not public knowledge. We already know heroes’ civilian names are not redacted. The UA students are aware of their teachers’ names (they call him Aizawa-sensei instead of Eraserhead). Gran Torino, when he first meets Endeavor, calls him Todoroki. The audience at the Sports Fest knew Todoroki Shoto was Endeavor’s son. In fact all of the students’ names were broadcasted on national television.

So why is Hawks being singled out? There have been lots of speculation on his relation to the thief Takami that Ending mentioned.

It’s possible Hawks is both ashamed of being related to a villain and despising said villain so much, he chooses not to use the name instead. After all, we’ve had hints of Hawks’s home life.

The trash, dirt and alcohol bottle seem to tell us he lived an impoverished life. In this same panel Hawks, even as a child, has this empty look about him. These are clear signs of abuse and neglect.

From the new leaks, it appears Hawks’ admiration for Endeavor run deeper than fanboyism.

From translations I’ve gathered online, Hawks was motivated to train hard as a hero because of Endeavor, the man who saved him. Endeavor, the same hero who captured Takami the thief, the parent/relative who abused him as a child.

However, it’s also possible Hawks, being a government-sponsored hero, had to keep his identity and all connections to him hidden.

Even so, this is clearly confidential information. It doesn’t make sense for Dabi/Touya to know this. He is only the No. 2 Hero’s son. We have already seen that even Endeavor is not privy to the HPSC’s activities.

Which begs the question who exactly is Dabi/Touya?

We know Touya supposedly died around after the time Rei was committed to psychiatric care. Shoto was around 5-6 years old when those incidents happened.

From this photo, Touya seems to be wearing a gakuran, which is a typical middle school uniform in Japan. We can discern that Touya was probably around 13-14 years old when he died.

The character known as Dabi surfaced during the present timeline. Meaning, there was a blank period of approximately ten years. What was he doing all those years then?

In the panel above, the HPSC offers to train tiny Hawks in a so-called hero program. We don’t know the exact details on this program yet but it’s highly likely Hawks isn’t the only child enrolled. Well what if Touya was one of those children?

Sounds familiar?

Does it mean Hawks and Dabi have met before? Probably. I’m leaning at no at the moment. They might have been trained and raised separately. In the latest chapter, Hawks looks stunned when Dabi revealed his identity but that could’ve been because he was a Todoroki and not specifically due to knowing Touya.

It’s widely speculated that Touya died after overusing his fire quirk in an effort to prove himself to Endeavor who had already tossed him aside in favor of Shoto. Canonically, we have conflicting opinions. Natsuo firmly believes Endeavor killed Touya and Endeavor blames himself for his death. Shoto and Fuyumi don’t seem to blame Endeavor. We already know Shoto hates Endeavor’s guts but not once do we hear him accuse Endeavor of killing his brother. Fuyumi is a kind soul but I think even she would draw the line at murder.

If Touya indeed lived, then why didn’t he return home? Endeavor aside, he still had his mother and siblings. Not all was lost for him yet. That’s where I think the HPSC comes into play. Disfigured, weakened and presumed dead, it would be fairly easy for them to snap him up. After all, the HPSC and hero society as a whole have shown time and time again they have no qualms in utilizing child soldiers.

So why did Touya go along with this? I could think of a few possibilities:

1.) All things considered, Enji is still his father. Before Shoto, he was the golden son. Touya still desired to be the son his father groomed him to be.

2.) He resents Endeavor. He wants to become his opposite and show him what a real hero looks like.

3.) He hates everything about heroes and vows to exact revenge on them. However he will use them first like Endeavor used him.

Touya probably performed and witnessed some shady stuff while under the HPSC. We’ve already seen them willing to turn a blind eye to Hawks doing questionable stuff in order to for him to infiltrate the LoV/PLF. I’m not saying the HPSC are worst than the villains but they do have a track record of using people like pawns.

Somewhere down the line, the HPSC determined Touya wasn’t fit to be an agent and threw him under the bus. It could be he was too mentally unstable. Or he wasn’t a competent fighter. Once again realizing he was used and fucked over by heroes, he assumes the identity of Dabi and sets on a vendetta to finish them.

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santamonicaroleplay · 5 years

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Secrets Masterlist

GROUP A

Marco

━ Marco suffers with OCD, but keeps it well hidden most of the time. He’s had periods where it’s been so bad that he’s washed his hands until they were red raw, though —- usually when something’s happened to upset his normally happy life. ━ When he was sixteen, he stole his best friend’s girlfriend. It was unintentional, but she was also a surfer and they spent every day together, things just “happened”. ━ Marco totalled his dad’s car when he was 18 and DUI. His dad still thinks it was the other driver’s fault.

Jason

━ He is a half sibling but is not aware of it yet, his mother had an affair. ━ Got in a car crash with a friend when both fell asleep and it resulted in the death of an old man. Luckily the mans family decided not to press charges. ━ Overdosed in his sophomore year of high school and nearly died but his family kept it under wraps.

Phobe

━ Use to be a drug dealer ━ Became a camgirl for a while to pay bills ━ She only thinks that she knows who the father of Dani is. Phobe is still completely uncertain even if she has a hunch of who it is

Beckett

━ sells drugs ━ made out with his 27 year old college professor when he was in his junior year of college ━ has always claimed he’s had sex but is actually a virgin

GROUP B

Amy

━ Amy sold weed in high school and college. ━ She accidentally killed her daughter’s fish and replaced it with an identical one. ━ She still has feelings for her ex-husband (Nathan)

Enrique

━ Enrique has hired a private investigator to locate his estranged mother. ━ Contrary to the ‘bad boy’ image that Enrique exuded throughout life, he is actually very intelligent. ━ Enrique watches a lot of cartoon reruns before he falls asleep at night.

Olivia

━ Once kissed her sister’s boyfriend when drunk at a party ━ Is quite the nerd when it comes to fantasy movies/television, though she'll pretend she's not ━ Suffers from intense nightmares sometimes

Gemma

━ She lost her virginity while drunk. ━ Feels like she’ll never measure up to her family. ━ Still has a stuffed animal her parents won for her at a fair that she sleeps with when she’s having a rough night.

Summer

━ summer tells everyone her movie genre of choice is romance (drama, comedy, all things romance-related). but truthfully, she has a soft spot for dark psych thrillers with a tinge of horror - a little known fact that hardly anyone but the people closest to her know. ━ summer has only ever been in one serious relationship her whole life. they dated for two years in high school and saw a future together past graduation and into adulthood. however, summer had a pregnancy scare at the end of their senior year, prompting her to end the relationship. since then, she’s avoided dating anyone steadily and has stuck to short-term flings. so far her older sister is the only person who knows about the pregnancy scare. ━ summer used to thrift-hunt for rare designer finds and vintage clothing at the local secondhand shops in monterey, freshening them up and selling them online for a profit. it was a hobby she took to when she was still a kid, but she’s refrained from telling anyone given her current status as a well-reputed stylist.

GROUP C

Wes

━ there have been a few songs written by him that have made it onto Reckless albums about the relationship between him and Sutton Barnes and the aftermath of their relationship ━ had to take depression medication which he has been off of for 3 years ━ attended therapy twice a month for two years after his mother’s death

Alondra

━ She is afraid of crows. ━ She is a cosplayer but does really extravagant cosplays that always cover or modify her face ━ She has an insane funko pop collection, she keeps them in her spare bedroom along with all of her other nerd things

Brooklyn

━ Dealt with breakdown after fiance left and before moving to L.A ━ Stole a CD back in high school ━ (Was wrote down in Diary) Holds resentment towards her brother Jason for leaving her.

GROUP D

Hannah

━ Got pulled over for ‘drunk driving’ when she wasn’t even drunk. Just a bad driver ━ Hasn’t had sex in over 5 years ━ Still in love with her ex-fiance Hanson

Ivy

━ she has embarrassing videos she made with her friends online when she was young and in Australia ━ she's not sure if she's really over her ex like she thought ━ she's planning on dropping out of her last year of vet school to use the loan money with the home and grandmother

Caroline

━ Got a secret tattoo in HS without parents knowing ━ Suffered miscarriage after husband passed away ━ Learned how to kiss through a female friend back in HS

Hunter

━ Hunter often lies about his relationship with his family. He and his father have always been at odds and they haven’t talked since Hunter left home to move to LA, though when asked about his relatives, he’s publicly stated that they get along well and are very close, not to cause a bad impression. ━ Hunter has grown to despise the show he stars in, (which I have terribly named) “Dead or Alive”. Another thing he constantly lies about, after all, it would be terrible publicity for both him and the show, but he can’t wait for either the series to be cancelled, or his contract to be terminated. ━ Hunter has struggled with depression, and still struggles with anxiety. It’s not something he particularly lies about, but definitely tries to hide. Hunter has never really recovered from any of his past traumas – from the loss of his mother, to his father’s abuse, he’s always tried to ignore his pain until he couldn’t, and now his mental health is at an extremely fragile state, in desperate need of constant medical assistance.

Christopher

━ Toph is dyslexic, and even though he’s invested hours and hours into tutors and therapies ━ Topher has Ehlers-Danlos syndrome so his joints are hypermobile and weakened from a lifetime of various sprains and dislocations. He originally took an interest in yoga in an attempt to quell fear that his body would start irreparably deteriorating from his progressive injuries, and while he’s found that it’s offered him some relief and reassurance, he’s still prone to stretched ligaments and dislocations. Though he wouldn’t deny it if asked, it’s not offered knowledge about the gardener. (Save for a handful of rec center yogis who once watched his shoulder pop right out of socket mid one-handed tree pose.) ━ Every now and then, he’ll pull the curtains and open up all of the windows in his loft apartment to let the sunlight and fresh air in, turn on a good song strip totally naked, and enjoy a very relaxed and unhindered yoga / meditation session to refresh and realign his chakras and reconnect with his body. He’s pretty sure his windows aren’t visible from the sidewalk several stories below anyway, but his cat has walked in on him in compromising positions once or twice.

GROUP E

Skyler

━ Searches for his birth family online when he's drunk ━ He can quote Pretty Woman word for word ━ Once cried for an hour straight at a Cher concert because he thought she was so wonderful

Mai

━ She has the biggest crush on her best friend Beckett and it terrifies her. ━ She suffers from nightmares, so she chooses to use night time for writing or going on walks to avoid sleeping. ━ Though she says she has, she still has yet to let go of her mother’s death after almost nine years of the event passing.

Zahra

━ When Zahra moved to New York, her parents thought she was enrolled in university, but she actually dropped out to become a singer. ━ The night before the day her brother went missing Zahra ignored several phone calls from him because she was auditioning for a gig. ━ Since her return to Santa Monica 2 months ago, Zahra and her parents have been seeing a therapist.

Ophelia

━ The summer before college, Ophelia had a fling with one of her father’s associates. ━ When she was 7, she accidentally melted the face off her sister’s favorite Barbie doll by trying to blow dry her hair. Her sister thinks the dog mangled her doll to this day. ━ When filming her first television show, Ophelia had a crush on her co-star.

GROUP F

Nathan

━ Before making it big, he had a very brief fling with his boss at the magazine he was working for, who had promised to help him with his career. They lied and he soon realised he needed to do it all himself ━ During his time on the football team in high school, he spent most of his time smoking weed under the bleachers than actually putting the time into practise. ━ Despite still being a major flirt from time to time, Nathan’s avoided dating and everything that goes with it since his divorce for fear of messing that up just like he did his marriage.

Adelaide

━ Has struggled with anorexia for years. ━ Cheated on an ex boyfriend with his best friend in high school ━ Was a bully/mean girl in high school

Alexandra

━ Former worked as a dominatrix Madame Mercy ━ During a weding reception she made out with the groom while everyone else was dancing. ━ Gave her panties to a random guy in order to get a cab, then had sex with said guy in order to get a free ride

Diana

━ Has never learned to drive ━ Will always take the stairs instead of the elevator as they suffer from claustrophobia ━ Walked out on her last boyfriend while he was unconscious in hospital

GROUP G

Iris

━ cried once in order to get out of getting a ticket ━ is obsessed with watching old 90’s cartoons and anime at odd hours of the night ━ had a miscarriage courtesy of her abusive ex-boyfriend

Noah

━ Was actually born in to the Aldridge family, but was kept from the truth his whole life. ━ Failed his drivers test multiple times ━ Used to be bankrupt when taking care of his siblings and had to take loans that took him years to pay off.

Ava

━ Lost her virginity to Alex’s boyfriend at the time ━ Still sleeps with a stuffed animal dog ━ Tells people she graduated from college even if she never attended

━ RJ is not over his last relationship because he still has feelings for his ex-girlfriend. ━ RJ once ran a popular twitter update account for Rihanna when he was in high school. ━ Before he struck fame with Reckless, RJ was a featured artist on a song, the collaboration was horrible; they also had an accompanying cringey music video produced; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sX6IhJ8wAKw

GROUP H

Jackson

━ Kissed Kourtney Kardashian ━ Almost got caught trying to shoplift but played it off as an accident ━ Lied on his resmue about knowing how to tap dance.

Bianca

━ plays pokemon go religiously ━ truly believes in the supernatural ━ is a published romance author under the pen name Veronica Vanburen

Kaden

━ Never disclosed the fact her parents are criminals and drug addicts to the police academy. ━ Had an affair with a married man ━ She constantly uses hot sauce on any food she can--pasta, sandwiches, burgers, etc.

Abigail

━ In the week before her wedding she had one too many and kissed a girl in a bar restroom. ━ Still rings home once a month and leaves a message despite her parents never returning her calls. ━ Once drove 36 hours to the house she’d once shared with her fiance only to lose her nerve and turn around once she saw he was home.

Jack

━ From age 5-12, Parker has swallowed every piece of gum he's ever chewed. ━ He hates needles and faints very easily at the sight of blood draws ━ He slept with a girl who had a boyfriend four times in one night and then fell in love with her although she decided to stay with her long-term boyfriend.

GROUP I

Emre

━ purposely let his academic progress go to waste while attending Dartmouth and was put on academic probation twice ━ had a relationship with a woman that was a close friends to his parents when he was 21 and she 42; the relationship wasn’t serious and they only saw each other for about three months ━ one of his first investments fell through with two million dollars on the line from his trust fund

Breeland

━ She is aware of the fact that her drinking has gotten out of control and has been talking to someone about it quietly. ━ Agreed to go on a date with a cop to get out of a speeding ticket. ━ Almost had a drunken hook up with the head of the label she works for even though he’s married

Spencer

━ She catfished a guy on Tinder after he broke one of her best friends’ hearts. ━ Spencer was arrested for assaulting a classmate in high school and had to do counseling and community service. ━ Spence was being stalked by an ex-boyfriend last year and had to get a restraining order against him.

Logan

━ Likes pineapple on pizza ━ Enjoys fruity alcoholic drinks. ━ When he goes out he loosen the salt shakers tops so it spills on whoever is after him/around him.

GROUP J

Richie

━ The first ever guitar Richard has, he stole. He didn’t want to ask his parents to keep buying him things when they disagreed with his chosen career path, so he went out and stole it so he could write music. ━ Richard cannot remember most of the women he’s been with, by not remembering their names; he came up with a system so that he tells them apart by numbers. ━ Although it may not appear so in every day life, Richie sometimes struggle with his self image while under the pressure of social media comments and expectations for what he should look like.

Mara

━ had a miscarriage when she was 22 ━ she knows that Noah Sinclair is their half brother ━ she used to write fanfictions

Freya

━ she is still a virgin but secretly wants to have sex. ━ she still suffers from partial memory loss of certain major events but tries to act like she knows what her family is talking about. ━ she’s having blackouts and sleepwalks to random places.

Kessa

━ Spent a week in a mental hospital after finding out about her biological family. ━ Constantly feels disconnected with her biological family/because of that disconnect she’s forced to do therapy twice a week by her moms. ━ Was a married couples third for over a year.

GROUP K

Faye

━ While back in the UK, she made the decision to track down the child she gave up at birth and was rather swiftly denied any contact. ━ Faye recently found out that her family is broke following her father’s scandal. She was the only one with any money, most of which she used for her education in Washington. ━ She returned to the US stressed and feeling out of control, so her friend took her on a vacation to Vegas where she could be out of control. The weekend ended up very messy and she ended up married to someone she’d only just met.

Sutton

━ Was aware her ex-fiance was cheating, but was too scared to be alone so she pretended to not know. ━ Skinny dips every third Sunday of the month before dawn. ━ Even though she should have gave the ring back, Sutton actually paid and kept her engagement right after her engagement ended, it is now in her jewelry box.

Thalia

━ When she was a tween, Thalia tried and failed at becoming a popular ‘youtuber’. At the time her channel featured vlogs, dancing, baking, and makeup tutorials. ━ Thalia cheated during monopoly at her family’s game night and still feels guilty. ━ Thalia uses popular hookup apps for the attention she gets, but she never actually meets up with anyone.

Leyla

━ Slept with one of her professors at Harvard ━ Still watches Disney films when she’s having a bad day ━ Once escaped a one night stand by climbing out of a top floor window

#santamevent2

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weareemilydoe · 5 years

Text

This is more of a child grooming thing. And if there are kids out there and any person acts this way to you.. It isn't okay, no matter what they say and you need to run. Run as far as you possibly can.

I was born to a pastor. He wasn't always a pastor but he did always act like it. He was always preaching, and happy to talk to anyone ever. Everyone loved him. He was kind and sweet and charismatic. My friends loved him, my teachers loved him, and everyone I knew loved him. To be honest, I'll have to keep this in bits and pieces. I don't remember all of it as I've blocked out a large part of my mind. But working in therapy it became more obvious what had happened.

This story starts after my parents started their divorce as I don't remember much from before that, besides my father dragging my older sister out of her room by her hair. That has never left my mind. So, I remember being at my grandparents house while my mom was away working. I didn't know why, but they had me stay away from school for a bit. I heard commotion downstairs while I was watching TV (I was supposed to be doing homework. Oops) When I went down I saw my father, with the police. There was yelling and screaming and I didn't know what was going on. I just remember that cops handing me to my father and him driving us home telling me they were getting divorced. I don't remember how I responded. I think I just did what I usually do around my father which is a poker face.

Time passes and my parents are living separately. My mother's things and money were all missing and we were struggling. Eating rice and beans. The people at my school being told how badly my mother treated me. (she didn't she is amazing) I had people feel so sorry for me because we went from pretty good to poor. And that's when the isolation took place. At this point I was still terrified of my father. Terrified. All those things that I had blocked were fresh in my mind. I don't remember the full reasons but I remember always being ready to run any time I was near him.. Thankfully I felt safer since we were being observed by a guy. I liked him better than my dad and was more excited to see him. My dad started buying me things. Nice things. I had all the best furniture, toys, clothes. Couldn't bring any of it to school or home. I wore clothes over, I would wear those the next day to school. I soon learned that if I ever complained about my father and the way he treated me to my friends... I would hear those words from my father. Word for word. I stopped talking.. I stopped complaining and I just cried. At the smallest thing. I cried. I didnt know how to express myself anymore. So I cried. I was scared, alone, and didn't know what to do. My friends and I drifted and my sister had long moved out. I was alone. My mother tried to be there but I didnt know what to say anymore. I lost my words. I was very sickly as a kid. Still am as an adult. My doctor's didn't do anything because he told them my mom had the form of Munchausen syndrome but for your kid. Moved out and I was still very sickly. Didn't change. On top of that, my 5th grade teacher would lose my assignments and say I didn't do them to further help my father get full custody of me. I went from straight A student to Fs.

My father would continue to buy me things and soon the guy who was watching us, didn't do it any longer as the court didn't see it as needed and that's when it got worse. The compliments started. How can compliments be bad? Well... It didn't start bad.. He would call me pretty say that all the guys would be after me. And then later on he would bring me in his room, rub my shoulders. At this point I was in about middle school. If I was sad about being unattractive he would tell me I didn't need that he was the only guy I'll ever need and continue rubbing my back. Honestly this ruined me for massages. They creep me out now. Can't enjoy them. But at the time I thought it was normal. This was my normal. And this opened flood gates. Online if anyone much older than me flirt with me it was normal to me. I was like "oh this is how adult men just talk to kids. It's normal" I was 10 talking to 20, 30, 40, 50, 60+ men... As soon as my mother realized that these people were talking to me and stalking me even.. She took my tech away. Cut me off from it for a while. At least from online. The compliments grew and I forgot. I forgot who he was when I was little. I thought he was just a loving father like everyone else did. As I developed pretty turned to sexy. Telling my how beautiful my chest was how curvy I became. (Please keep in mind the physical abuse that I don't remember isn't in this. I do however still have physical scars from them)

He told me what guys would like. Taught me that since I was little. Obedient, does everything for the man. It is what he wanted of all his wives and lm sure of me had his planning worked. He would whisper in my sleep or try to. I would hear it when I was waking. He would stay with me as a teenager past when I fell asleep. Have me sleep in his bed. And when I was 16? When he realized it wasn't working anymore. When I was barely coming over... He made my favorite food and before I knew it on a sunny Sunday morning in my PJs watching TV... I ate and before I knew it... I passed out. I wasn't sleepy I didn't realize why. I had a nightmare and when I awoke, I was in a ton of pain in places I had never hurt before.

After a while large bruises formed and I was confused and hurt and betrayed. I didn't want to believe it. I stayed away for a while. I still saw him as per court order. But I was more afraid. I didn't want to think of it I didn't like it. I was still underage and he would draw me naked or naked with other girls. He would also walk in on me getting dressed and not leave quickly. The compliments kept coming as he called me his. "Oh you're my sexy little girl" compliments like that. And his old wife didn't seem to know.. But part of me feels she did and was okay with it... Tried to get me in a threesome with her and her boyfriend when I was 17 after that .. They are both still out there. He is getting remarried .. I hope she realizes who he is sooner than later... Sorry this was a bit rambally. I didn't say everything that happened... I don't even remember what all happened. And I don't know which parts of me are me or which he taught me to be. I know he did a lot more that I struggle to say... If anyone ever sees someone acting like he did. Even a little... Be on your guard.

Help us show love to this brave survivor!!!

#endtheshame #believesurvivors #endthesilence #believe survivors #standwithsurvivors #end the silence #nomore #bethelighthouse #survivorsunday #tw grooming

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maireep · 6 years

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nate albercht/clockworkvaudeville and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day* (a Homestuck fandom horror story)

*years actually. years of abuse tw: rape, child grooming, underage porn, emotional & sexual & physical abuse i’m making light of this as the only victim of nathan albercht aka clockworkvaudeville aka guyants to be raped and coerced online and IRL; but his victims online are far and wide and their struggles and abuse WAS AND IS as real as mine - I will not name their names as their stories are their own and I only hope they have survived, conquered and thrived.

individually though, i will speak on the “tumblr famous” individuals who he used to bribe his underage followers into skype sex - as one of them was my own reason for instigating interaction with NATHAN ALBERCHT ( mid 20′s as of 2018, lives in BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA) imagine the height of the Homestuck fandom; dwelling in their filthy gray body paint and exuberant in the incredibly toxic environment of the fandom in 2014-2016. its the tail end of the era of Homestuck; with voice actors like Ky*ee H*nk*, tota*spiffa*e, the entire cast of Broadwaystuck, and artists from the official ones from WhatPumpkin and fanartists with tons of popularity. it was in the hidden oasis of youth (the 13-17 target age range) where a predator thrived Clockworkvaudeville was a half-bit vocalist with a range of ass to utter ass, but a fuckload of “tumblr famous” friends you can even find today! wow! its not as if any of them fuckin acknowledged how he used their names to groom the children of the fandom, in fact R*l*yAV still has videos starring him up and half of the big names never spoke on him even AFTER he made a PUBLIC CALLOUT POST ON HIMSELF to garner fucking attention and weepy sympathy from the sheep he’d herded. maybe i’m bitter but it’s not like I got raped or something, huh! ba dum tss bitch i spent most of my developmental childhood to teenage years in a Skype group under the guise of a cute little group of supporters for his shit livestreams, where he used his famous friends to garner the attention of his followers and MORE SO the young fans of his friends. MY STORY ISN’T UNIQUE HERE - he did this to NUMEROUS girls. In fact I was enough so “fortunate”, as he put, to be placed in a GOOGLE HANGOUT WHERE UP TO 20 INDIVIDUALS, ALL WITH VAGINAS, WERE MADE TO MASTURBATE ALL TOGETHER FOR HIS ENJOYMENT. i’m talking 20 preteens people - maybe a few of them around 17/18 but mostly UNDER the age legally. my case was special in that though our “relationship” was 99% sexual, the 1% was romantic enough to where he exploited my young mother’s money, and my own (of which I had FEW OF considering I was 14/15), to hijack a trip I was planning on in order to see my best friend and steer me in the direction of his home. I spent three days with him, and my mother was not to blame for what happened to me. she was hesitant throughout, even met his parents and made me sleep in the hotel with her, and yet it still happened. before that even, he had groomed friends of mine, talked to him and flirted under my nose and even cheated on me. he made me feel worthless, and I even explained all this in an addition to his org. call out post on himself - in which none of his famous friends reblogged for fear of looking back. therefore, maybe it didn’t even reach fans who were still in contact with him. maybe there were still followers, young kids, who stayed talking to him after he deleted his blog. i think about that a lot... he posted that call out when i confronted him - after finding a friend of mine who was only 12 was forced to skype with him. he took pics of her - and of all of us and though we had broken up, i called him on skype and I was the one who threatened him. I was going to go to the police - I was going to tell my mom and get him in trouble. I didn’t, because i didn’t know where to start - not because he begged me not to, saying he was already the “black sheep” of his family i lost friends because of this man; he twisted people I had no issues with, GROWN ADULTS, into hating me because I was his object of affection, and they weren’t. to this day I can’t look at that specific person without thinking of how they manipulated others into hating me purely because they didn’t get to “date” nate; when they didn’t know the position i was in. the way he coerced me, held me down, and ruined my childhood. it was a wild ride y’all - the kind i never would wish on the young teens who scuttle around in fandoms today so like, fuckin, yIKES dudes

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theoriginalbread · 3 years

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TW: mentions of grooming, self-harm, suicide, traumas, domestic abuse

Scroll till the END OF POST if you wish to ignore.

You have been warned!

So the other day, I found out, or more so, finally saw it for what it was. I'd been groomed since I was in middle school. The delayed realization because of the whole double standards set on men when it comes to being with someone older than you. Instead of people being concerned that an older, high school junior was interested in an 8th grade boy, everyone was impressed that I managed to "bag" a girl older than me.

For obvious safety reasons and all that, I won't name names or anything, but this person was very manipulative emotionally and would often share her traumas with me and expect me to be able to cure her depression and mental illness. She would show me photos of her self-harming and say that if I ever left her she'd have no other choice but to kill herself because she loves me so much there'd be no life worth living without me. You can imagine how lil ol' me reacted to that.

I obviously reassured her that I didn't want to leave her and that she'd never have to do that or think about that cause it wasn't going to happen. I hadn't ever dealt with anything like this before and it wouldn't be the last time I ever did. Eventually in this "relationship" she attempted to take her life anyways, multiple times, and would go days, weeks even, in the hospital and trying to get me to make her feel better. (Maybe my memory is tainted with the anger I feel, but I'm trying to remain as objective about this as possible). My parents got involved at some point or another, having my password to my social medias, and threatened to involve federal law enforcement, but not having the knowledge of her threats to suicide should our relationship become compromised, they thought I was invested in her due to "teenage hormones" and "sexual desires." After I explained what she had been saying and doing and why I didn't want them getting involved, they got mad at me for talking about sex. My parents were more mad at me that I was sexting her than they were mad that she had been grooming me and maybe they didn't know what grooming was, but they should've realized that there was something fishy about her trying to get with me, as young as I was.

They were mad that their child had become a sexual deviant at the age of 12 and had whored himself up for some girl online but not that she was threatening to kill herself and showing me her injuries and dumping loads of trauma onto me and expecting me to fix it. They didn't care about that because they didn't see that as wrong because they fucking did the same shit to me all my life. I eventually got away from her. i grew tired of having to be so down and depressed and worried all the time. I essentially ghosted her and just used that as an escape for our "relationship." It wasn't long after until I ran into the next girl online.

She was from a different country but still spoke English. I met her in a video game and was talking to her whilst she was on the enemy team. We eventually traded information and she started talking to me about her personal life. I thought maybe she was just going to remain a friend for gaming and nothing else. But she slowly started to take my advice and availability to hear her problems as a sign of romantic interest and started molding this version of me in her head that didn't exist. She fell in love with me, again, her being older than I was and started to feed me the same things over and over. Her boyfriend abused her and beat her and hated her and did so much to her, and all her exes were the same and did so many nasty things to her, but I was different, I was sweet, and caring, and loving. I was reassuring and never once lost my temper (I had no reason to because I wasn't dating her nor did I see her in any romantic light). She would do the same as the other, show me photos of her bruises, send me messages confessing her love for me and how confused she'd be without me and how she never wanted to lose me because I was such a loving person. I ended up distancing myself from her after she started messaging and calling me on a daily basis and asking for my undivided attention constantly at all hours of the day.

All my friends, jealous of Bread, the womanizer, the guy with the charisma to make grown women swoon over him. I bought into that for the longest time too, thinking of myself as a whore, and as a charmer. It stayed in my head for years and years, I was convinced I had "game" and was confident and suave and it inflated my ego. It doesn’t sound right anymore, knowing that it was because I was being preyed on. That this “thing” I had was just because of some girl trying to mold me into her ideal boyfriend or some fucked up delusion of it. It makes me feel sick. Revolting.

I came to realize it was grooming a few nights ago. The first girl had been with me for about three years, all virtually of course. She didn't live in my region. The second, also virtually, in a whole other country and only for about a year.

Maybe these don't sound as terrible as other people's experiences with grooming, maybe it isn't even really grooming, i'm not sure I mean I only just realized maybe something bigger was going on here other than just emotional manipulation.

To this day I feel gross and weird when people say I'm such a nice, caring boy/young man/man. It feels...disgusting to me. I can't ever take that as genuine compliment anymore. I just feel like it's being said to lull me into a sense of security and that they’re gonna try and manipulate me with it. Maybe I wasn’t super in depth about it but, girl #1 laid it on me THICK every single day.

“You’re so different, you’re so kind, caring, nurturing, attentive. You’re more of a man than these other guys my age. You’re so much more mature than guys my age.”

so much goddamn shit every single moment she had the opportunity and it wasn’t even something she thought about. It fucking sucked so much and I hate a lot about myself from it now, how do I just dump this all and carry on? Man I need therapy.

🛑🛑END OF POST🛑🛑

#mine #TW #grooming #self harm #11:50 pm

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finsterhunde · 4 years

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Explaining what happened

So I figured I would explain what pushed me to how low I got in a traumatic spiral these couple months, more so for future reference than anything.

I wanted photos and memories about my first childhood dog Spot. In the process my mother dug up a ton of traumatic repressed memories that I’m not yet strong enough to face. It also turns out that she had been lying about the death of my last childhood dog, causing additional pain when I found her out.

Having old memories dug back up is extremely damaging to my mental state. I wanted cute little facts about my puppy that I would have been too young to remember. Instead what she told me brought back flashes of abuse.

This escalated and what finally pushed me over the edge was that I started going back to my old compulsive rituals; the worst one being the need to check up on my birth father online, seeing where he was in the country, what he was doing, if he was alive, etc.

Now this originally was something that had a purpose. The divorce was extremely messy. And when he was kicked out of the house and we were in the process of changing the locks we were living in terror that he could come back at any time with a firearm and mow us down. He was threatening us, threatening to abduct us kids, and he had made severe violent threats in the past. As of 4 years ago he actually assaulted an RCMP officer. So he definitely was still capable of violence at the time. He used to have an extensive gun collection.

Checking up on him was a safeguard. If he didn’t know where I was, if he wasn’t where we were, we were safe. But gradually I stopped needing to do this. I ran away and lived with a friend. My mom and brother moved. He wouldn’t know where any of us lived.

But of course, that’s not how trauma is. Trauma is complicated and that was one of my safety rituals. To compulsively check his social media. Just in case.

He got old and obese and pathetic. He has a heart attack pretty much every year. He’s nothing short of a reanimated corpse at that point.

But in my traumatized brain I’m still that tiny malnourished boy and he’s still that hulking behemoth of a man. Just like in a nightmare where you can’t fly and no matter how fast you run you move at a snail’s pace. My rational mind knows I could easily overpower him, but my instincts tell me he’s as dangerous as he was 10 years ago.

Gradually though I began to heal as I lived with my friend. And I didn’t feel the compulsive need to make sure he wasn’t an immediate threat.

Until now. When my mother started opening old wounds.

A couple days ago I had an uncontrollable compulsive need to check his social media again.

And found some horrible stuff.

He’d been making creepy threatening status updates every year on my birthday, discussing how he wanted to find me “wherever I was...”

and he wrote “music” with lyrics about enacting the vengeance of god, thunder and brimstone and all that.

He threatened to kill any of the RCMP officers he is convinced are “hunting” him.

And in my desire to document evidence like I did with Wannabe, still not waking up from this maladaptive safety ritual of “knowing your enemy” I went through his four different facebook pages screenshotting things.

And it just got worse.

He posted photos of himself at my age, and I realized that I don’t take after Mark Hamill like I say I do. I take after him.

I mean, I figured. But it was very upsetting to see photos of him as an older teen and pretty much see a non-sickly version of myself staring back at me. He was actually handsome. Could I have looked like that if I wouldn’t have been neglected and abused the way I was? Not to mention the disgust I feel at resembling such an evil man.

He had photos of him as a child and he bragged in the comment section about how he abused his dog and “made them crazy” and knowing he was like that even at a young age sickens me.

He idolizes his horrifically abusive dead father. I’d even argue there’s evidence that his dad was a straight up war criminal. There’s photos of the two together where he’s a toddler and his dad is holding him while smoking. It was disgusting.

He’s racist, a trump supporter (in Canada for some reason???) threatened violence against members of a political party here and again, the rampant “vengeance of my god” lunacy.

He was making posts about how the RCMP “attacked him” for being Christian.

For reference the RCMP had a warrant for his arrest and he assaulted an officer so they took defensive action. They had a warrant for his arrest because he threatened them when they earlier that week seized some of his electronics. (they had a warrant for that too)

The official statement for why they were arresting him was because they considered him mentally unwell and a threat to the safety of others.

So knowing that it’s much easier to tell why the RCMP were after him. Having the context paints and entirely different picture doesn’t it?

The case against him is still confidential but apparently he also had the police called on him numerous times for his behavior where he lived at the time. He frequently complained about how the community was “bullying him” for being an outsider.

He also says that they considered him mentally ill for “being Christian.”

And, because when I get into one of my traumatic mental states I have no off switch I started going back deeper. In the past he was seriously harassing politicians and posting stuff that I’m pretty sure is illegal. Unlike Wannabe he never posted anything overtly “I abuse kids” but he did make posts about how he supported physically abusing children and claimed that photos of children being pepper sprayed were “fake” and that they were “spoiled brats.”

I eventually went too far and found something super bad that shook me to my absolute core.

He made a status back when I was in middle school about how pedophiles don’t deserve longer prison sentences than illegal cannabis growers because their crimes “aren’t as bad” and that they “aren’t as dangerous.”

Ironically, he justified this by saying that pedophiles “kill far less RCMP officers”

This is ironic in the fact that he himself would attempt to kill, and afterwards repeatedly threaten to kill, RCMP officers less than a decade later.

So I guess he decided to prove himself wrong?

But yeah. I shut down after that. It was a dogwhistle looking back on it and it frightened me.

The lyrics for another one of his “songs” are basically “laws can mean different things if you know how to pull some strings” which is also terrifying in context.

Other things that made my heart hurt was that the woman he’s with now loves dogs.They had three. One passed away. I fear for those dogs. In an account that’s shared by both of them posts made in support of dogs with “adopt don’t shop” messages and similar are uploaded. It enrages me because he was a backyard breeder and he also killed my puppy. He’s a lying snake pretending to be a good person.

He’s pretending he cares about us kids, painting my mom out to be “the abuser” and saying about how he wished he could take us to games and stuff. He HATED us. He beat us senseless. He was a torturous monster. Seeing him pretend to be a good father broke me. I want a dad. I wanted someone to play catch with me and take me to see the Penguins and teach me how to shave. I didn’t get that. I got a sexual predator instead.

Look at this: I’ve censored as little as I can and that’s largely for personal reasons. Everything he said is wrong.

I was diagnosed with PTSD because of what HE DID TO ME. My brother’s mental health diagnosis (it’s personal and not my place to share) is also because of him. My mom definitely wasn’t a perfect parent but compared to him she’s a saint.

She didn’t work because she had to stay home to ensure he wouldn’t KILL US. And that only started after the Spot incident. She was working extremely long hours before but stopped after I got beaten super bad.

He’s playing the victim and it’s so upsetting. The nerve he has to say “there was nothing wrong with you while I was there” NO. You refused to let us get mental health treatment. I didn’t get diagnosed until you were gone because I wasn’t allowed to see a psychiatrist.

Him wanting us to take our dogs to him is horrific too.

Also I feel bad about the penguins hat. I guess that means that the grooming still works.

Despite denying my mother’s desire for me to be a “wish kid” (make a wish foundation) because “kids don’t deserve handouts” he would donate profits from his failed pub (a story for another day perhaps) at one point to the make a wish foundation. Seeing the photos of him looming over the kid the money helped made me queasy. I don’t know if he thinks he’s covering his tracks or if he just likes being around disabled kids. Both would make sense honestly. I wonder if that had something to do with the confidential reason the RCMP were after him. I really hope it wasn’t. I really really really hope it wasn’t.

But yeah. All that happened and I was unable to sleep. I was terrified. I was crying. I felt guilt for not being brave enough to report him. For being too much of a coward to come forward about what he had done to me.

My friend saw me talking about what was going on on twitter and told me that this was caused by my mom retraumatizing me and I had to cut her out and not engage for my own sake. That I wasn’t ready to face things yet.

That I had gotten worse because mom was ripping open old wounds and that for my health I needed to back off.

So yeah. I agreed with my friend. I am backing off. I am going to be trying to shut that down. As I said on my main blog, my old abusive childhood is dead. I am making a new one. I will use my imagination to keep myself sane and I will retreat into my passions again. Until I am strong enough.

But I know I need to be strong enough. I will confront him someday. I’m just not ready.

#text post #negative #CSA mention #long post #abuse mention

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frogbutane57-blog · 5 years

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Best TV of 2019 so far

Back to Life

Daisy Haggard’s downbeat gem took on a tough topic – a woman’s return to her home town after a stretch behind bars – and turned it into a meditation on grief, regret and the passing of time, though with enough gags to keep things zipping along.

What we said: A few episodes into Back to Life, I felt like pushing it away in protest. “No, no!” I cried inwardly. “It’s too much! It’s too good!” Read the full review

Barry

In its second season, this black comedy about a hitman who catches the acting bug took its story into darker territory, with Barry’s attempts to extricate himself from his past life only dragging him further into oblivion. Things aren’t going to end well.

What we said: Though it’s a comedy rather than a thriller, Barry replicates much of what made Breaking Bad irresistible. Read more

Broad City

After five virtually flawless sitcom seasons, Ilana Glazer and Abbi Jacobson’s millennial kweens went out in the same way they came in: with gross-out gags, madcap surrealism and one of the greatest on-screen friendships in TV history.

What we said: This season has given Abbi and Ilana the best possible send-off. It has been joyful, silly and wild, and while it feels like the perfect and necessary time to wrap up their adventures, it is poignant that they’ve done so by reminding you just how good those can be. Read more

A fitting, shocking end ... Catastrophe. Photograph: Channel 4

Catastrophe

Another comedy that went out on a high, Sharon Horgan and Rob Delaney’s tale of floundering parents managed to deliver more home truths about the family unit, pay fond tribute to late guest star Carrie Fisher – and offer up one of the most shocking endings in recent TV history.

What we said: From first to last, Catastrophe has been an unremitting triumph. Read the full review

Chernobyl

Already sitting atop IMDb’s top 250 TV shows list before the final episode has even aired, Sky and HBO’s restaging of the Soviet nuclear disaster captures the ineptitude, corruption and horror at its core.

What we said: Chernobyl is a disaster movie, a spy movie, a horror movie, a political thriller, and a human drama, and it spins each plate expertly. The terror is unflinching and explicit, and its images of burned bodies collapsing into putrid decay are impossible to forget. Yet it never feels shocking for the sake of it, only as haunting and horrible as its subject matter demands. Read more

Finally ... David Attenborough lays bare our greatest threat in Climate Change: The Facts. Photograph: BBC/Polly Alderton

Climate Change: The Facts

After years spent hinting at the damage done to our planet by the climate crisis , David Attenborough finally laid out the threat in all its magnitude, in a documentary that may just have turned sceptics into believers.

What we said: This is a rousing call to arms. It is an alarm clock set at a horrifying volume. Read the full review

Dead Pixels

E4’s comedy accurately captured the loneliness and mundanity, but also the sense of community, that comes with picking up a controller. All that, and it was as addictive as an all-night Fifa session to boot.

What we said: This wickedly entertaining new sitcom may have been inspired by the massive success of online games like World of Warcraft but, thankfully, you are not required to know your Azeroth from your elbow to enjoy it. Read more

Derry Girls

One of last year’s surprise hits, Lisa McGee’s Northern Irish comedy didn’t let things slip in its second season, with its quartet still finding teenage kicks in the midst of the Troubles. The scene in which teens from both sides of the sectarian divide unleashed a barrage of stereotypes about each other (“Protestants hate ABBA!”) is among the year’s funniest.

What we said: Derry Girls’ magic remains intact. The evocation of the 90s is as lightly done as ever (Elizabeth Hurley is fleetingly referenced – “She’s a total ride, but she paperclips her frocks together”) and the Troubled setting never overwhelms but simply throws into relief the ordinariness of the girls’ lives in the middle of extraordinary depths of conflict. Read the full review

Don’t Forget the Driver

Bleak comedy … Toby Jones in Don’t Forget the Driver Photograph: BBC/Sister Pictures

Pulling off a state-of-the-Brexit-nation series looked a tall order, but Toby Jones’s understated comedy-drama was taller, finding humour and pathos in its tale of a coach driver who discovers a refugee hiding in his wheel arch and a body washed up on the beach.

What we said: If it is a comedy, it is one with the bleakest tragedy at its heart. But whatever label you put on it, it is a fine, fine piece of work. Read the full review

Fleabag

Back for its second (and, as it turned out, final) outing, Fleabag added a hot priest into the already heady mix of biting wit and family dysfunction – and it built to a heart-rending ending with a wedding, a mad dash to the airport … and a fox. Unforgettable.

What we said: Series two raised the bar. Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s risks were so impressive all one could do was shake one’s head in appreciation. Read the full review

Game of Thrones

Unquestionably the TV event of the year ... Game of Thrones. Photograph: HBO

Did the gargantuan fantasy drama stick the landing in its final season? That’s an argument for the comments section, but both in the scale of its six episodes, and the fevered discussion they prompted, it was unquestionably the TV event of the year.

What we said: The ending was true to the series’ overall subject – war, and the pity of war – and, after doing a lot of wrong to several protagonists, it did right by those left standing. When you play the Game of Thrones, you win or you die. Overall, I think, it won. Read the full review

Gentleman Jack

Sally Wainwright travelled back in time for her latest piece of thrillingly human Yorkshire drama, with this real life tale of Anne Lister. Suranne Jones has received rave reviews for her portrayal of the 19th-century industrialist and diarist, who developed a code to hide her lesbianism.

What we said: It’s Regency Fleabag! Because the heroine occasionally breaks the fourth wall and exteriorises her inner monologue. But it’s set in Halifax in 1832, so it could be Northern Jane Austen. Then again, it’s about Anne Lister, who has been dubbed the first modern lesbian, so maybe it’s Queer Brontë ... You can afford to have a little fun with Gentleman Jack; Sally Wainwright clearly has. Read the full review

Ghosts

The Horrible Histories team offered up more unashamedly silly comedy with this spirited sitcom about a group of ghouls going to war with the new owners of a crumbling mansion.

What we said: In making us giggle at the supernatural, Ghosts is very British. But it is American in the sense of having a gag-to-airtime ratio much higher than British sitcoms normally manage these days. Read the full review

I Think You Should Leave With Tim Robinson

This deliriously absurd sketch show from a former Saturday Night Live player was hailed immediately as one of the greatest Netflix shows to date.

What we said: I wolfed down the entire series in one sitting, genuinely incapacitated with laughter. And then I watched it all again. I’m at the stage where I’m cherrypicking sketches now, but I’ve seen my favourites six or seven times. I’m fully obsessed at this point. At its peak, I think I Think You Should Leave might be one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Read more

Leaving Neverland

A devastating four-hour exposé of alleged child sexual abuse by Michael Jackson. Wade Robson and James Safechuck chillingly and plausibly outlined their accounts of childhood grooming by the man that they, and the whole world, worshipped.

What we said: An astonishing piece of work. Relentlessly spare and unsensationalist, it manages better than any other in its genre not to let its attention wander from the survivors’ testimony. Footage of Jackson is confined almost wholly to that of him with the boys themselves on stage, private calls between them and family snaps. He is never allowed to overwhelm the story. Read the full review

Line of Duty

Complex … Martin Compston and Stephen Graham in Line of Duty. Photograph: BBC/World Productions

Jed Mercurio’s police corruption masterpiece returned for a fifth outing after a two-year wait, bringing with it a stunningly complex performance from Stephen Graham, more urgent exits required … and heartstopping, jaw-dropping action to the last.

What we said: As ever, nothing is wasted; not a scene, not a line, not a beat. It fits together flawlessly – you can imagine Mercurio sitting like a watchmaker at his table with the parts spread before him and fitting the loupe to his eye before assembling the whole thing and listening for its perfectly regulated tick. Read the full review

Mum

Stefan Golaszewski’s sitcom tour de force ended on a heartwarming high. Over three lovely series, Lesley Manville and Peter Mullan as Cathy and Michael gave us the gift of a quietly epic romance that will echo down the ages – and kept the tears in our eyes.

What we said: Mum might have looked like it was just a sitcom, but it had something beautiful to say about love and loss. It’s said it. Read the full review

Pose

Assembling the largest collection of trans actors in televisual history, Ryan Murphy’s big-hearted drama about the voguing scene in 1980s New York had style, grace, swagger and sass for days. What’s not to love?

What we said: Razzle-dazzle showmanship isn’t Pose’s only source of infectious joy. Watching the slow, still-unfolding process of these characters becoming more and more their true selves is as exhilarating as the opening bars of Cheryl Lynn’s Got to be Real. Self-actualisation isn’t easy, but it sure is beautiful. Read the full review

Pure

Frank and fearless ... Pure. Photograph: Sophia Spring/Channel 4

Following a young woman with a form of OCD called Pure O, which manifests as constant invasive thoughts about sex, this comedy-drama was among the year’s frankest and most fearless TV.

What we said: The drama and the gags are never sacrificed to worthy exposition, virtue-signalling or finger-wagging, but, at the same time, the series has so evidently been made in good faith that you can surrender to it entirely, never fearing that it will put a foot wrong. Read the full review

Russian Doll

A hipster Groundhog Day, but also so much more, Natasha Lyonne’s comedy about a thirtysomething trapped in a time loop of death and rebirth proved a truly mind-bending proposition.

What we said: Russian Doll is an acquired taste. But do persist: there is such a fine, idiosyncratic, impressive show nested within. Read the full review

Sex Education

Gillian Anderson starred as Jean, a sex therapist whose son Otis (Asa Butterfield) – though too anxious to masturbate himself – sets up a sex advice service at school. A punchy, horny comedy, with the added bonus of the fantastic Ncuti Gatwa as Otis’s best friend Eric. Worth watching for his heroic prom outfit alone.

What we said: Endlessly and seemingly effortlessly funny, in a naturalistic way that doesn’t have you listening for the hooves of the next gag thundering down a well-worn track but, like Catastrophe, catches you almost unawares and makes you bark with laughter. Read the full review

The Last Survivors

Sam Dresner, Anita Lasker-Wallfisch, Frank Bright and Susan Pollack ... The Last Survivors. Composite: BBC/Minnow Films Ltd

Arthur Cary’s thoughtful, wonderful and always dignified 90-minute documentary heard the stories of some of the last living people who survived concentration camps as children. A very important work indeed.

What we said: For an hour and a half, I was crying, especially when Cary followed three generations of Holocaust survivors to Auschwitz, knowing all the time that tears are not enough. Nor guilt. Read the full review

The Other Two

How would you react if you could barely get cast as Man Who Smells Fart in an advert while your kid brother became a Bieber-esque teen hearthrob overnight? That’s the premise of this brilliant satire, which skewers our pop-culture-obsessed society spectacularly.

What we said: It has heart, charm, steel, belly laughs and a gimlet eye. Get on it. Read the full review

The Victim

John Hannah and Kelly Macdonald starred in an intelligent drama about a vigilante attack on a potential child killer that managed to ask ever more challenging questions as its episodes rolled on.

What we said: It is a drama that resonates with its time by asking what constitutes a victim and how much leeway we allow in bestowing that status. Do they have to be perfect? How sure do we have to be? And what happens when the perpetrator becomes a victim too, of a different kind? Read the full review

The Virtues

Shane Meadows reunited with This is England star Stephen Graham for an unflinching drama about a troubled dad attempting to reunite with his long-lost sister and process childhood sexual abuse.

What we said: Unspoken pain infuses every scene, every gesture and expression from Stephen Graham and in doing so lays the foundations to do justice to the suffering of victims everywhere. Read the full review

The Yorkshire Ripper Files

Liza Williams’s three-part documentary revisited one of the biggest – and longest – murder manhunts in British history, taking us back to a time so different it seemed almost foreign.

What we said: At its best, Williams’ series – with its mixture of archive footage and new interviews – is a social document. The hindsight it offers is not primarily about the mishandling of the investigation, but of the grim tone of the times. Read the full review

This Time With Alan Partridge

Appalling company ... This Time With Alan Partridge. Photograph: Colin Hutton/BBC/Baby Cow

The excruciating monkey tennis-pitcher went back to the BBC for a One Show-style magazine programme. Inevitably – and hilariously for viewers – it wasn’t the smoothest of returns.

What we said: We get the heroes we deserve, and as you finish writhing in agony and lie limp from laughter, hatred, panic, despair or in awe at the end of another half-hour in his appalling company, you can only reflect that if Brexit means Alan then the whole business just got more complicated still. Read the full review

Veep

A last hurrah for Julia Louis-Dreyfus’s mendacious yet incompetent vice-president, in a political satire that was perfectly attuned for these most buffoonish of times.

What we said: Louis-Dreyfus has won a record six Emmy awards for her role as Selina Meyer, and, frankly, it’s no wonder. She is magnificent, brittle and furiously amoral. In this seventh and final season of Veep, it appears to be getting out while it still has a hope in hell of making its fictional world look more comedic than the real one. Read the full review

When They See Us

Almost unbearably harrowing ... When They See Us. Photograph: Atsushi Nishijima/Netflix

Ava DuVernay’s staggering miniseries about the Central Park Five showed how a group of young boys came to be falsely convicted for raping a young white woman in 1989. It is unbearably harrowing to watch the boys, as young as 13, get violently coerced by police into giving confessions.

What we said: The performances are uniformly astonishing – especially from the central five, Asante Blackk, Caleel Harris, Ethan Herisse, Marquis Rodriguez and Jharrel Jerome, most of whom are just a few years older than the teens they are playing. They capture the innocence, in all senses, of children, and the permanence of its loss. It feels like a great privilege to see them. Read the full review

Years and Years

Russell T Davies’s hugely ambitious drama followed a family through the next 15 years of British life, taking in the migrant crisis, terrifying technological innovations and Trump’s increasingly fraught face-off with China.

What we said: For a series that compresses 15 years into six hours, it seems to pass in the blink of an eye thanks to Russell T Davies’s trademark humour, compassion and the kinetic energy with which he infuses every project. We do not deserve Davies, but thank God he’s here. Read the full review

100 Vaginas

Following her projects about breasts and penises, artist Laura Dodsworth photographed a range of women’s vulvas, then showed the sitters their vaginal portraits and interviewed them for their responses. The result? Intimate, empowering television, unlike anything that has ever aired before.

What we said: A gently but relentlessly radical documentary. It’s not until you see a full set of female genitals filling your screen that you realise how little you see anything of or about them in wider culture. Read the full review

Source: https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2019/jun/03/best-tv-of-2019-so-far

#read more #see more #check it out #interesting #learn more

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healthspiritbody · 6 years

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Couple Who Planned To Have Sex On Their Wedding Night Wait Six Years

A bride and groom who planned to lose their virginity on their wedding night had to wait six years to consummate their marriage because of a rare condition that made it impossible for them to have sex.

Ben Coussens, 31, and Emily, 28, stayed celibate throughout their two-year courtship – and promised to finally make love on their wedding night.

But Mrs. Coussens was left in agony from the attempt. She recalled her ordeal feeling like a knife being ‘shoved inside’ her and ‘hitting a brick wall’.

Doctors diagnosed her with vaginismus – where the vaginal muscles tighten when penetration is attempted – five years and nine months later.

The couple, from Austin in Texas, finally had sex after Mrs. Coussens underwent two weeks of intense physical and mental therapy.

And now the Christians – who met at church and eventually married in September 2009 – are proud parents to Holden, one.

Ben Coussens, 31, and Emily, 28, stayed celibate throughout their two-year courtship – and promised to finally make love on their wedding night (pictured on their wedding day in September 2009)

Mrs. Coussens, a stay-at-home mother, said: ‘It took us almost six years to consummate our marriage, and it was only then that I truly felt like a woman.

‘We tried everything from a vibrator to stretching exercises, but nothing worked. I felt ashamed like I wasn’t working properly.

‘Ben has been so amazing and patient, and sex for the first time was fantastic. We have been making up for lost time ever since.’

The love-birds were virgins when they met and, because of their faith, decided to wait until they were married to have sex.

Mrs. Coussens added: ‘We were both really excited at the thought of finally making love on our wedding night after being together for two years.

‘We had a hotel booked for after the wedding, close to the airport, as we flew to Hawaii for our honeymoon the day after.’

After tying-the-knot in Santa Paula, California, where they are originally from, the couple could not wait to seal their love, by finally enjoying physical intimacy.

Mrs. Coussens said: ‘Collapsing onto our hotel bed, things became intimate, but when we started trying to have sex I suddenly felt a lot of pain.

But Mrs. Coussens was left in agony from the attempt. She recalled her ordeal feeling like a knife being ‘shoved inside’ her and ‘hitting a brick wall’ (pictured together)

Now the Christians – who met at church and eventually married in September 2009 – are proud parents to Holden, one, after Mrs. Coussens (pictured with Holden) underwent therapy

‘The only way I can describe it is that I felt like a knife was being shoved inside me like Ben was hitting a brick wall.

‘My body seemed to just have this defensive reaction to being touched and tensed up.

‘I’ve never been abused in any way, so I couldn’t understand why this was happening.’

Putting it down to nerves and adrenaline, because of the wedding, Mr. Coussens reassured her, saying it did not matter and vowing to try again on honeymoon.

‘Ben said we had the rest of our lives to be with each other and was so understanding,’ Mrs. Coussens continued.

‘When we arrived in Hawaii, it was the perfect romantic setting so, when the moment arrived, we tried again.’

Devastatingly for the pair, the same thing happened.

Mrs. Coussens, a stay-at-home mother, said: ‘It took us almost six years to consummate our marriage, and it was only then that I truly felt like a woman’ (pictured as a family)

After tying-the-knot in Santa Paula, California, where they are originally from, the couple could not wait to seal their love, by finally enjoying physical intimacy (pictured on their wedding day)

‘My body seemed to instinctively reject what we were trying to do, and what I so wanted to do,’ Mrs. Coussens added.

‘It was like my vagina turned into a brick wall, and nothing could go inside. I started to panic, worrying that I had something wrong with me.

‘We were supposed to be on our honeymoon, hardly leaving our bedroom, but instead, my body seemed to say “no” despite my mind and the rest of me saying “yes”.’

Trying exercises to stretch her vagina in the hotel room, still, nothing worked.

Determined not to let it ruin their holiday, the newlyweds tried to enjoy the break and not to worry until they got home when Mrs. Coussens could visit the doctor.

Seeing a gynecologist two months later, she could not even proceed with an internal examination, because her vagina just clenched.

She said: ‘The doctor thought it was a size issue, so gave me some dilators – narrow silicone tubes which looked like tampons – to widen the vaginal opening, but even they did nothing as I couldn’t get them in.

‘I was told just to relax and have a glass of wine and that “sex can be painful the first time,” but I wasn’t scared of the pain, we just couldn’t have sex.’

After the dilators failed, the couple continued to try and have full sex twice a week, but to no avail.

Mrs. Coussens said: ‘Collapsing onto our hotel bed, things became intimate, but when we started trying to have sex I suddenly felt a lot of pain’ (pictured on their wedding day)

Her inability to have penetrative sex also made Mrs. Coussens concerned that she would not be able to have a family (pictured with her husband)

‘I felt ashamed that I couldn’t give Ben what he wanted,’ Mrs. Coussens said.

‘Of course, there are other ways to be intimate, but we both wanted to have proper sex and consummate our marriage.

‘Friends would ask me, “What’s the sex like?” I would lie, being vague, saying, “Yeah it’s great,” before changing the subject.

‘Some people I did confide in suggested to me it was all in my head and that, somehow, I didn’t want to make love, but that wasn’t true.

‘I worried Ben would become resentful of me. I’d often say to him, “I am sorry you have a defective wife”.

‘But he was so understanding. He really is the most handsome, hard-working, sacrificial, patient man in the whole world and supported me completely.’

Her inability to have penetrative sex also made Mrs. Coussens concerned that she would not be able to have a family.

So, in 2013, four years into their marriage, she had a hymenectomy, to remove her hymen in a bid to reduce the discomfort.

But, after a month’s recovery, again their attempt to make love was hopeless.

Then, in March 2015, Mr. Coussens called his wife into the living room where he was watching a video online.

‘There was a woman on the screen talking about her symptoms and, as I started listening to them, I began to sob,’ she said.

‘They were exactly the same as mine, the same problems I’d had for over five years.

In August 2015 she flew 1,500 miles for the first week of twice-daily sessions on her own, before her husband joined her in the second week (pictured together)

‘It was the first time I had ever realized I wasn’t a freak and there were other people, just like me. I felt validated, finally.’

The video was from the Women’s Therapy Center in Plainview, New York, a place Mr. Coussens had heard about through a friend.

And the condition she suspected she also had was vaginismus, where the vaginal muscles tighten when penetration is attempted.

Contacting the center straight away, Mrs. Coussens discovered they ran two-week treatment courses, costing £8,300 ($11,000) in New York.

‘Ben told me it didn’t matter what the cost was, we needed to do this,’ Mrs. Coussens added.

In August 2015 she flew 1,500 miles for the first week of twice-daily sessions on her own, before her husband joined her in the second week.

For two hours a day, throughout the fortnight, she had a combination of ‘hands on’ guided penetration training – where she inserted the dilators repeatedly as well as touching herself to get used to the feeling – pelvic floor rehabilitation and sexual therapy.

And, on August 10, during the second week, she and Mr. Coussens tried to have sex again – and this time, it worked.

Mr. Coussens is delighted that his wife is now happy and healthy and that they enjoy such an incredible love life (pictured on their honeymoon in Hawaii)

She said: ‘Having sex for the first time with Ben was amazing. I said to him, “Are we really doing it?” as I couldn’t believe we had finally made it that far.

‘Ever since then, we have made love without any problems. We now enjoy a very healthy and happy sex-life – making love every week.’

And amazingly, just six months after they first had sex, Mrs. Coussens became pregnant with Holden, who was born on October 30, 2016.

‘I love being a mum and want to have more children, too,’ she said.

‘Ben has been so supportive, but I want to tell other women who might be feeling like this that they can get help.

‘I’ve never been able to identify what caused my pain as I had a really open relationship with my parents and felt able to talk about sex.

‘So I want mums to talk to their girls about the issue, and not make it into such a big deal. Sex is a positive, fun thing and should be celebrated.’

Meanwhile, Mr. Coussens is delighted that his wife is now happy and healthy and that they enjoy such an incredible love life.

He said: ‘I know Emily wasn’t withholding from me, and I knew deep down we would be able to sex eventually.

‘We had talked about adopting if we couldn’t have children.

‘But when we did eventually have sex, it was well worth the wait, we have Holden too, and I wouldn’t change a thing.’

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Couple Who Planned To Have Sex On Their Wedding Night Wait Six Years was originally published on Health Spirit Body

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nirah10 · 6 years

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From Anon,

These parents are insane, setting their daughters up like this. 😂

Especially the last mum and dad, they were legit wearing bank robbing ski masks! Ski masks!

https://youtu.be/6jMhMVEjEQg

Although the fact all the kids fell for this is kinda scary. We tell kids all the time not to trust what people say on the internet, and yet these 21st century kids, who have had it hounded down their throats still do it anyway.

Do you think there is a way to prevent this without taking away too much feeedom from kids? Like, people say it is wrong for parents to check their children’s phones and iPads. But these kids had all been told beforehand about stranger danger, the mom was confident her daughter would not get into the car because of long discussions over girls being tricked and killed when it comes up in the news. Can parents ever look at their kids phones? Or is it a privacy breach at all ages?

Dear Anon,

Oh man, that first dad scared the absolute hell out of me >_< That’s really nuts. I totally understand why all these parents agreed to something so crazy though. They all completely believed that their kids wouldn’t go through with a meeting.

I do believe in allowing kids some privacy, but I don’t really agree with the idea that you should never look at their phones or their online activity. There is a big difference between invading your kids’ privacy and ensuring their safety, and the online world is too dangerous for a parent to ignore. I don’t agree with parents who don’t tell their kids that they’re looking through their stuff because that is a breach of trust but, if I ever have children, the rule would always be that they can only have a phone or a computer with the understanding that we can and will be checking their activity.

I think also being reasonable with kids (especially girls) about being allowed to interact with the gender they’re attracted to helps reduce this kind of sneaky activity. My sisters and I always had boys that we talked to online (some of whom we’d never met) or would lie about who we were hanging out with, etc. The only reason we did it was because our family was so conservative and there was so much judgement and shame surrounding the idea of even being interested in a boy, period (even in a platonic way). Note that I am and have always known that I am bisexual, but I felt no reason to be sneaky about talking to girls. Once my father was removed from the house, my mum chilled out a lot, realized how damaged all the kids were, and started letting us live more like normal kids without so much isolation. Once I knew that I could openly talk about my male friends or even about having a boyfriend (I got my first boyfriend when I was 15, a year after my father left), I didn’t need to sneak around anymore. I actually had been talking to a guy in his mid-twenties online for a couple years at that point. He had asked some inappropriate things before but I brushed it off as not a big deal because when I told him to cut it out he would, with stuttering, awkward apologies and phrases like “you’re just so mature that I forget how young you are”. I was flattered by being called mature and by his interest and accepted that him apologizing meant that he was really okay. After I became comfortable with my mum about having relationships with boys (whether they were platonic or not) it was like some light suddenly went on in my head and I realized that that guy was a total creep and a pedophile who had been trying to groom me. Not being desperate for any interaction with boys suddenly meant that I actually was being careful about it. I told that guy I didn’t want to talk to him anymore and that he better not talk to my little sister anymore (who was 13 at the time and also his “friend”), then I told my mum that I thought he was a pedophile and we actually went to the police station to submit a report. He lives in England so Canadian police can’t really do anything, but they gave all of his information and our reports to the police in his area (he went to my grandparents’ church so we knew where he lived and I had his phone number) so that they could keep an eye on him.

Literally the only thing that happened between me being fine with that guy and realizing he was a predator was knowing that my mum wouldn’t punish me for talking to boys.

A year later, when I got my first girlfriend, I went right back to the sneaky behaviour and the lying. I was still open about my other relationships but I knew that my mum wouldn’t accept me having a girlfriend, so I kept everything secret. As it happens, my girlfriend was absolutely lovely and, to this day, I don’t have a bad thing to say about her, but what if she hadn’t been? If she had been predatory or abusive in any sense, I would have just buckled down and carried on like everything was fine because I knew that I couldn’t trust my mother with the knowledge that I was bi.

I really don’t think that the primary issue is monitoring your kids (though I do think that all parents should be aware of who their kids are talking to online) but that it’s more of an issue of your kids knowing they can trust you. All of those girls arranged to meet up when they knew their parents weren’t going to be around. One even said that she’s not allowed to have boys over, full stop. No parent can just stop their kids from interacting with the gender their attracted to. It’s why abstinence-only sex-ed never works. They’re going to do it anyway, only now they’re going to do it without knowing how to be safe and believing that they can’t trust you if they need help. If these girls had been comfortable to approach their parents in this first place with “I’ve been talking to this guy and he wants to come over”, they would have been safe. If they weren’t desperate for interaction with boys, maybe they never would have added him and talked to him in the first place.

I think teenage girls especially get treated like they’re on parole all the time. The ideas put forward are rarely “we want to keep you safe” but rather “I don’t trust you to be safe” and they need to be monitored and controlled under the assumption that they will do something wrong, even if they never have before. Parents act like prison guards and then wonder why their kids act like criminals. Yes, there are points when parents need to step forward and say “No, you can’t/shouldn’t do that” but children are far more likely to respect that if they feel like they’re parents actually allow them to live and breathe like normal people rather than an inmate that’s desperate for a taste of freedom.

#this time it's personal #submission

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