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theweepingvulcan91 · 1 year

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Mind Meld

Genre: angsty fluff

Warning: Minor mentions of self harm

Word count: 3485

Pairing:Leonard McCoy X T’lussek

Summary: T'lussek decides that a mind meld with Leonard will help him find himself after removing Spock's katra from him

Mother? Have you seen Leaonard?”

T’lussek walks into the kitchen to see her mother sitting at the dining table. She had been looking for him all day with no avail. It had been three days since they had removed Spock’s katra from Leonard. She hadn’t seen him since the ritual and had become concerned that something was wrong.

“Last I saw him dear was in the gardens this morning. I’m not sure if he’s still there or not.”

Amanda said as she took a sip from her cup of tea. She could sense the worry in her daughter and wasn’t sure how to help. Right now, she was reminiscent of her father in her calm worry, and she hated not being able to help.

“Thank you, Mother. I will go out and see if he’s there.”

T’lussek’s tone slightly rushed as she made her way outside towards the gardens. She had wanted nothing more than to help. Seeing the others leave him alone and keep their focus on Spock bothered her. He needed just as much help if not more than Spock. Walking towards the gardens made her smile faintly. When she was younger the gardens were her safe space. Her mother had created the perfect environment for such beautiful fauna. No one had thought she would be able to keep it up, but almost out of spite she made the most beautiful garden on the planet. Objectively she knew that wasn’t true, but this garden always held a special spot in her heart.

“This is one of the perfect places to meditate.”

T’lussek said as she walked up behind a seated Leaonard. Resting her hand on his shoulder she looked out into the vastness of her family estate. She had come to enjoy the beauty of the land below her in the last few years and was happy she could share it even briefly.

Leonard shook his head as he felt his love behind him. His mind had been scattered as he had tried to piece together what was his again. It had felt like a piece of him had been torn out with the ritual. Grabbing her hand, he led her towards the front of his seated position. Maybe with her help he could find peace of mind.

“Blue is quite flattering on you Len.”

T’lussek said as she knelt in front of him. Resting her hands on his lap she smiled gently, teasing the fabric of his blue robes. She never thought she’d see him in Vulcan robes. Though it was out of necessity she was proud to see him in such garments.

“You like it? Your mother helped pick it out.”

Leonard said with a faint chuckle. Looking into his lover’s eyes brought a brief moment of peace. The racing thoughts paused as he could feel her love through their connection.

“I do. I think we should get some for you to wear on shore leave.”

T’lussek said with a soft chuckle. She tried so hard to flood their mental link with a warm loving feeling. She could only imagine what having someone being taken from you would feel like. She only knew what it was like to have someone added to her body. T’rhea. She thought of her experience of joining with T’rhea. It wouldn’t quite be the same as having Spock removed, but the idea of having to find yourself after joining would be similar.

“I…I have an idea to help with the loss of self Len.”

T’lussek said softly as she looked into her lover’s eyes. She had no idea how he would respond to diving into her mind, but she had to try.

Leonard looked down at T’lussek as if to ask what she had in mind. Now that she was present, he could feel her attempts to help. Their bond was white noise as he was left alone with his thoughts. Seeing her knelt in front of him he was flooded with her love and concern.

“I was thinking…that we have experienced the opposite with mind melds. You have had a katra removed from you and I had one added. I think maybe seeing me find a new self with my ancestor might be able to help with you finding yourself now that Spock is gone.”

Leonard looked at T’lussek confused. Why would she so nonchalantly suggest that? Especially after what had just occurred to him. Was there something he didn’t know about Vulcans?

“It... It is normal for Vulcans to meld with their partner. And in doing so I may be able to help show you how to gain experience from your ritual with my brother.”

T’lussek’s voice was shaky as she spoke. She had always had apprehension in melding with Leonard. Melding had been the most intimate thing she had been taught. If she melded with him, he would be exposed to all of her; even the hidden.

“You would be sharing everything with me, wouldn’t you?”

Leonard asked with a concerned tone. He could feel her apprehensiveness in her tone. Was this what she honestly wanted to do?

“You would get to see most of the important moments in my life. I can’t pick what you see. It would all be in our meld…”

“So how are we gonna separate things once we begin the meld?”

Leonard interjected.

“We wouldn’t need to. I can create a barrier of sorts that will only allow my memories to be experienced. And since you have no psychic abilities, there is little risk of your memories breaking through the barrier.”

A soft sigh left T’lussek’s lips.

Again, a sigh.

She had done quite a bit of that in her lifetime.

Taking a deep breath, she takes a hold of his calloused hands. These hands that had saved many of their crew were now going to try and save her. Blue…it was a calming color as she looked into his eyes, placing his fingers against her psy-points. A weak smile streaked across her face as she reached her fingers against his psy-points. Chanting in her native tongue induced their minds into a trance as they sat.

“Her name is T’lussek. She shall be named so after one of the first female High healers.”

Sarek’s demanding voice pierced through the calm scape of T’lussek’s mind. Standing with his daughter in his arms he glared. This will be the beginning of the problems. T’lussek’s voice said as she walked beside her father.

“That is one of the first memories I can recall. My mother’s beaming smile. My father’s coldness. I will spend all my life deciphering that cold gaze of his.” T’lussek couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pain. This was a journey of pure vulnerability. These were her raw emotional responses to these parts of her life. As it stood there would be no way for her to control what Leonard would see. He would get it all.

“Terran! Your father is a disgrace to Vulcan!”

A young T’lussek was on the ground crying as Spock had begun to beat up the teasing boys around them. She couldn’t believe that her brother would risk getting in trouble for her. They had been very close from the beginning… As her mind swirled, a new scene coalesced around them.

“I think it best if she would be raised on earth. She is distracting her brother from his disciplines.”

Amanda turned to her husband with a shocked expression.

“Sarek! She is your daughter! How could you wish to send her away like that?”

“You Terran’s have sent your children away for schooling for many centuries. It would be only proper for her to be in a place where her humanity can be…nurtured.”

“He really said that?”

Leonard knew that things with Sarek were difficult. He had heard both Spock and T’lussek speak of the duality of his nature with them. This, to simply send one’s daughter off world for the betterment of their sibling... That was quite a… human response.

T’lussek felt a wave of remembered frustration fill her consciousness. What this eight-year-old was feeling now was something she would struggle with her entire life.

“You’d just send me away because of Spock? Not even for my own benefit… but because I’m affecting your perfect Vulcan son?!?”

“T’lussek…dear you weren’t…”

“If you are not going to follow the traditions of the people of this planet then yes. I think that it best for you to go to Earth where your emotions can be taken care of. You remaining here will only prevent your brother from…”

The sight of the child storming off and Amanda following her faded away. T’lussek’s eyes watered at the sight of that. I had that discussion with them at eight. They waited for my birthday the following month then sent me to my grandmother on Earth. Melancholy filled the mindscape as they continued through the path of her memories.

“T’lussek please don’t…”

The annoyed tone of Grandmother Grayson filled the small kitchen. The memories now were of her time on Earth. This current meal was one that stirred conflict inside of her as they sat at the table. T’lussek had just been sent home from school for violence on campus grounds and was now reaping the consequences.

“Do what? Express any sort of humanity? I can’t do Vulcan things…and apparently, I am a failure at being human too…”

“It doesn’t matter what you do, you are being emotional and destructive. You’ll bring shame to this family if you keep following this destructive path.”

Grandmother rose from the table and began to leave.

“You need to pick…are you human? Or are you one of them? You can’t hide behind this much longer.”

Swirling away from the angry old family member the memories shifted to her academy dorm.

T’lussek was on the floor of her room at Starfleet Academy. Her hands were covered in her heated green blood as a file lay on her lap. Her mind in an emotional frenzy as she tried to take away the parts of herself others seemed to have hated.

“Did you try to file your ears off!?”

Leonard all but gasped as he knelt beside the memory. She nodded down at the distressed doctor with tears streaking down her face. Her fingers reached up and felt the scar tissue that ran down her left ear.

“Lu!”

T’lussek had been stopped by her Orion roommate Vazih before she could begin to attempt the other ear. Weeks…it had taken her two weeks to be cleared by the med bay to go back to classes, not that she had let any of her classes slip. Between finishing her work and regular visits to a counselor she had finally graduated. With another swirl she was now standing before her father. It was the day of her graduation from Starfleet Academy.

This was the moment I had been given my first assignment. Through all the self-harm and nonsense that had happened I had done enough work to graduate. But I couldn’t have a moment. Of course, HE wanted something. With a swirl of reds and tans they both were now in front of T’lussek and Sarek.

“T’lussek…”

“Now you want me…Now that I finally have a leg to stand on in the world…No letters…no attempts at contact whatsoever…but now… NOW you have need for me when it’s convenient.”

“You know as well as I do T’lussek you are from the house of Surak, and it is your duty now as a young woman to come and take up your role as a healer. To do otherwise would be squandering a great gift.”

“What makes you think that you can come here and demand this of me? Or that I would even take up a mantle of a Vulcan culture that hasn’t been mine since I was eight?” She took a deep breath. The house of Surak was filled with a deep hypocrisy, and she knew all too well that wasn’t going to change. The anger…the hurt…the sadness…it was all swirling in her mind as she pulled these memories for Leonard to see.

“This mantle is yours whether you embrace it or not…”

“How are you going to keep your house of Surak pure? Was I raised with the traditional disciplines?” She said coldly glaring at her father; she wished she could scream it at him. Without the traditional disciplines how could she be expected to heal anyone…especially those with mental problems? Only the most skilled healers even dared to attempt any healing of the mind.

“I have spoken to the elders. We have found an ancient ritual that would bind you to the soul of one of our ancestors. This in theory, would serve to give you proper access to the control of your emotions.”

Ancient texts. The words of those before the reformation of Surak. Most Vulcans didn’t give any merit to those ancient stories, especially from that time. But Sarek had wanted a healer in his house so badly, he’d scoured all the resources he had to find a way to get one.

“What does that entail for me?”

“Once the ritual is complete, you should be able to learn the skills of the healers at an accelerated rate.”

Closing her eyes T’lussek tried to feel T’rhea. A wave of warmth encompassed them both. T’rhea was a healer from four generations prior. When she merged with me, I was told there was moments of intense pain. In our mind she took that pain away from me. That is why there are no real memories of our mergence here.

A tall slender Vulcan appeared from behind T’lussek. Resting her hand on her descendant T’rhea looked at Leonard and nodded her head. Now you can tell who inspires the more Vulcan moments of my life. T’lussek said with a smile as she reached up and squeezed her ancestor’s hand. This woman had helped to calm the consuming emotions. They had spent many hours teaching each other the different parts of their own mental and spiritual journeys.

“It is an honor to meet you T’rhea.”

“The honor is all mine. It is nice to finally meet the human she is so fond of. .”

T’lussek turned at the sudden sound of a voice familiar to both of them.

“Ambassador Sarek and his wife are my parents…”

T’lussek stood in silence for a few moments. Her patience had run out as she coughed to get her brother’s attention. She was not going to be forgotten, even if she was the black sheep.

“And this is my sister T’lussek.”

T’lussek’s mind fluttered as she was taken back to the memories of their first meeting. The Babel conference was the first time that she had worked with her father in a more official capacity. It was the first time that she had seen her brother since he took his position on the Enterprise. And the first time she had met Leonard.

“Nice to meet you, Doctor McCoy. It is nice to finally meet one of the men that gives my brother so much trouble.”

That comment right there was when I knew that I could very much enjoy your company.

Leonard walked behind himself and looked at T’lussek. He remembered getting her to chuckle a few times that evening. Her emotional flexibility was refreshing, especially having had just spent all that time with the other, much stuffier delegates.

T’lussek chuckled as she saw Leonard joke about I-Chaya.

I wished to retire, and you swept me off my feet with Jim’s help. Showed me to my room while telling me how different I was from my brother.

Leonard smiled as he watched himself offer his arm to T’lussek.

Jim really did set that in motion, didn’t he? Remind me to thank him when we go back to our separate bodies.

A wave of sadness washed over the mindscape as they ended their journey to her quarters.

This is where I called your brother a green blooded hobgoblin isn’t it?

Leonard looked as he could see the tension in T’lussek build. He truly didn’t mean anything by that comment. Yet he learned quickly that his words held more value to her.

“You realize that green blood also runs through my veins? Would you judge me as harshly as you do Spock?”

If it wasn’t for the Babel conference and T’rhea’s ability to step in… I had finally begun to feel like a Vulcan... You had no idea what that name had done to me…how could you? It hit me like a ton of bricks, and I didn’t wish to believe someone who had treated me so kindly could be so cruel.

Leonard understood with a clarity he hadn’t had before the meld. Now her reactions made sense. She had struggled with her identity and hearing such things about her brother felt cruel to them both. Her emotions had seeped out when her identity was involved. Without saying anything Leonard wrapped T’lussek into a tight embrace.

I am sorry for the cruelty of my words T’lussek. That was not my intention ever to be so…

T’lussek squeezed tightly against Leonard. After a few moments of embrace the mindscape began to swirl; concentration had been lost as they returned to their reality. After a few moments of settling, he cupped T’lussek’s cheek with his hand.

“Thank you for this T’lussek. I really think that’ll help me find myself again.”

Running his finger across her cheek he stood in silence. He could still feel her…feel that moment of emotion. Once he felt himself calm and become himself again, he pulled her into a tight embrace.

Ahem!

The silence was broken by a cough at the entrance to the gardens. Pulling apart they turned to see both Spock and Kirk standing there.

“Sorry to ruin the moment lover boy,”

Jim said as his pushed his way a bit forward towards Leonard.

“You are quite good at that Jim.”

T’lussek said before brushing her hand against her lovers. He had been the best emotional block this universe had ever seen. That is what happens when you are as close as those three are. She thought as she shook her head. Looking at her stoic brother she wondered if he had remembered memories, he had shared with her. She chuckled as she walked past Jim and stood in front of her brother.

“If I remember correctly, I also helped create some moments with you.”

Jim nudged against her shoulder as she walked past him. Ignoring the nudge T’lussek took a deep breath and looked up at her brother.

“Thank you, Spock, for keeping him safe.”

T’lussek had no idea how much of her brother’s memories had returned, she was just happy they would both be okay. Whether he knew it or not Spock had helped them both grow as beings with this adventure he put them all through.

“T’lussek,”

Spock said softly as if he tried to recall who she was. After a few moments of silence, he nodded his head.

“It is only logical that we had helped each other.”

Spock said with a nodded as he held up his hand to his sister.

Without saying a word T’lussek pressed her hand against his and smiled.

“I take it that it is time for you all to leave back to Starfleet?”

She asked as she saw the others behind the door.

“Yes. It is time for us to leave. Shall you be coming with us?”

Spock asked looking down at his sister.

“Not this time. I’ve got some work to do with Father,”

She said with a soft sigh.

“ I wish you’d all stay for one last meal.”

Spock looked over at Jim as if to ask. A few moments had past as Jim had thought about staying for one more day.

“I don’t see why not. It’s not like we’ve been given an actual timetable.”

Jim said with a smile as he saw the excitement in T’lussek’s eyes.

“Thank you, Jim.”

She said as she walked over and hugged him. He could see the importance of spending time with spending time with one’s family, even if they were chosen.

“Well does anyone want to go into town with me to start on dinner?”

“I will,”

Leonard said as he walked towards his love. “I will. Unless you want this to be a date adventure”

Nyota said with a soft chuckle.

“Not at all. This adventure I’ll be needed help with.”

T’lussek smiled as she saw her mother back in the kitchen. This was what she had always wanted. A home filled with people she loved and cared about. She was lucky to have been given this even after all this time.

“Okay all who wish to come it’s time to go!”

T’lussek said with a playful tone as she made her way back in the house.

#startrek #star trek tos #vulcan oc #leonardmccoy

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