#Jordan Pickell

[zelphafrost]

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-set-boundaries-in-awkward-situations-with-strangers/

“Before we dive in, let’s get clear on five key principles for boundary-setting:

When we refuse to set a boundary, we prioritize other people’s comfort over our own needs. Setting boundaries is a courageous act of putting ourselves first. It’s a great way to break the people-pleasing habit and practice the art of self-care and verbal self-defense.

Difficult honesty is not unkindness. It’s not mean to stand up for yourself. It’s actually the most truthful and authentic way to interact with others.

You can manage your boundaries or manage other people’s feelings, but you can’t do both. The bottom line is, your boundaries might make people feel frustrated or resentful. That burden is not yours to bear. As the saying goes, “The only people who get upset about you setting boundaries are the ones who benefited from you having none.”

It’s not your job to protect people from feeling uncomfortable. Remember: the folks imposing on your space aren’t giving your comfort a second thought—so don’t twist yourself into knots trying to protect their feelings. As Registered Clinical Counselor Jordan Pickell says, “It makes sense for people to feel bad and weird when they have crossed a line.”

Safety first. If you ever feel unsafe or threatened, do whatever you need to do to get to safety. Don’t be a boundary-setting hero.

For consistency, the examples below use “Bob” as the generic name of our boundary-violator. However, folks of all genders, ages, races, etc., violate boundaries.

Certain suggested phrases are direct and firm. Others are lighter and playful. Experiment with the language to find the tone that works best for you.”

#healthy boundaries #setting boundaries #mental health #safety #tiny buddha #people pleaser #Codependent No More #codependant #you are not responsible for other people's feelings #protect your peace

[conscious-love]

jordanpickellcounselling ~ Instagram

#jordanpickellcounselling #Jordan Pickell #relationship #love #breakup #heartbreak #moving on #strength #recovery #healing #self respect #personal development #quotes

[fumpkins]

Child 'Vampire' Was Buried 1,550 Years Ago in Italy

The10- year-old has actually a rock packed in the mouth, something that might have been done to avoid the child from increasing from the tomb and spreading out malaria to other individuals.

Credit: David Pickel/StanfordUniversity

. A 1,550- year-old “vampire burial” of a child with a rock packed into his/her mouth has actually been found in an ancient cemetery in Lugnano, Italy.

. Those who buried the child, who perhaps passed away of malaria, might have utilized the rock to avoid him or her (the child’s sex isn’t understood) from increasing from the tomb and spreading out illness to other individuals, stated a group of scientists in a declaration launchedOct 12 by the University of Arizona.

. “I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s extremely eerie and weird,” stated David Soren, a sociology teacher at the University of Arizona, who has actually supervised historical excavations at the cemetery given that1987 “Locally, they’re calling it the ‘Vampire of Lugnano.'” [7 Strange Ways Humans Act Like Vampires]

. Other unusual remains have actually been found at this cemetery, called La Necropoli dei Bambini, or the Cemetery of the Babies, consisting of the skeletons of children and young children discovered buried next to raven talons, toad bones and bronze cauldrons filled with the remains of compromised young puppies. In one case, the skeleton of a 3-year-old lady at the cemetery was discovered with stones holding down her hands and feet, the scientists stated.

A 1,550- year-old “vampire burial” of a 10- year-old child was found in Italy.

Credit: David Pickel/StanfordUniversity

. In reality, previously, the earliest individual discovered buried at the cemetery was the 3-year-old, and archaeologists presumed the premises had actually been scheduled for babies and young children.

. “There are still sections of the cemetery that we haven’t excavated yet, so we don’t know if we’ll find other older kids,” bioarcheologist Jordan Wilson, a doctoral trainee in sociology at the University of Arizona who examined the bones in Italy, stated in the declaration.

. The cemetery was put up throughout the 5th century, within a first-century Roman vacation home. During the 5th century, a fatal malaria break out swept through the location, the archaeologists kept in mind.

. Rising from the dead?

. The scientists stated they think the child passed away of malaria, despite the fact that DNA screening hasn’t been carried out on the child’s remains. Other kids buried in the cemetery are understood to have actually passed away of malaria, and this child has an abscessed tooth, which is a negative effects of malaria, the scientists stated.

Someone would have packed this rock into the mouth of the 10- year-old after death.

Credit: David Pickel/StanfordUniversity

. “We understand that the Romans were quite worried about this [the spread of disease] and would even go to the degree of utilizing witchcraft to keep the evil — whatever is polluting the body — from coming out,” Soren stated, including that in this case the “evil” might have been malaria.

. The scientists will continue excavations at Lugnano next summertime.

. Other vampire burials have actually been found in the past in Italy and inPoland An 18 th-century example of one such possible burial was found just recently at the Church of the Holy Trinity in Byszewo, Poland, reported Sebastian Nowak, a scientist at Nicolaus Copernicus University in Torun,Poland Nowak explained the finding at the European Association of Archaeologists yearly conference held in September in Barcelona, Spain.

. Originally released on Live Science.

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New post published on: https://livescience.tech/2018/10/15/child-vampire-was-buried-1550-years-ago-in-italy/

[gabtheirartistheirart]

SKETCHES

James Clear II (1)

Shane Parrish II (1)

Jordan Pickell (1)

Danny and Matthew Baker, Depression Project (2)

Alain de Botton and Sophie Howarth, The School of Life (2)

Karen Fernandez, Raket Chick (1)

Brad Mondo (1)

Heynee's Showindow (1)

Majiko (1)

Kenshi Yonezu (1)

Lauren Aquilina (1)

Lewis Capaldi (1)

Rachel Platten (1)

Alan Walker (1)

Taylor Swift (1)

Lady Gaga (1)

Bastille (?)

SHADING

James Clear II (1)

Shane Parrish II (1)

Jordan Pickell (1)

Danny and Matthew Baker, Depression Project (2)

Alain de Botton and Sophie Howarth, The School of Life (2)

Karen Fernandez, Raket Chick (1)

Brad Mondo (1)

HEYNEE (1)

Majiko (1)

Kenshi Yonezu (1)

Lauren Aquilina (1)

Lewis Capaldi (1)

Rachel Platten (1)

Alan Walker (1)

Taylor Swift (1)

Lady Gaga (1)

Bastille (?)

#time capsule #list #drawing

[oktoberkind]

In relationships, we conspire to be silent on certain topics. This can bring a smoothness, an illusion of being closer than we are. Is there something you know must be said, something you know you are going to have to address in one or more of your relationships? Maybe it’s declaring an identity. Or sharing something you’ve experienced or something you are currently struggling with. Maybe it’s a boundary you need to communicate or a feeling you have towards them or something you secretly long for that has gone unexpressed. Maybe you know that telling this truth about yourself means the relationship will change. Maybe it’s even possible the relationship will end. So you put it off. But there’s a nagging feeling, an inner knowing that lingers in the background. We all want to be seen, known, and loved as we are, not as the image we project. In order for that to happen, we have to feel safe enough to reveal more of ourselves. We have to gather the courage to express real, rather than performative vulnerability. We have to tell the truth. And telling the truth is so inconvenient. Or even frightening. This is your challenge: have the conversation you have been putting off. You can do it. My wish for you is that on the other side you will have clarity and confidence that you did the hard thing, the right thing, whether or not the other person was able to meet you there in that place. Even if that other person cannot hold you as you are, know that you are held here, always.

Jordan Pickell

#reminder

[seahawk]

Be gentle with your past selves for doing what they had to do to get through it.

Jordan Pickell

[erhiem]

Already pandemic memorial tattoos are on the rise: sound waves from the last voicemail before undergoing COVID-19 complications; a masked nurse like a god; “I survived a global pandemic and I just got this stupid tattoo.” But the coronavirus also changed how we’re getting tattooed in less obvious ways. A year of trauma has imprinted on us thoughts of solidarity and empathy, and shops and studios flooding in as customers – artists across America with doubling of inquiries and bookings compared to the summer of 2019 – have been a trauma-informed one. The approach is taking hold.

The country’s 20,000 tattoo shops close their doors for months, some all year. With the reopening, they are making up for lost income and postponed appointments. Clinical counselor and trauma therapist Jordan Pickel wasn’t surprised to hear that the Instagram bios of many tattoo artists read “Books Closed” for another reason. Not only did we experience a pandemic, but the global death toll continues to rise. Survivors’ guilt and surrounding anxiety are feelings that settle in the body and stay there, even if we don’t notice them. Covering the body with symbols to see is a form of resistance and an act of recovery after a crisis.

“When something traumatic happens, it can shatter a person’s sense of security or stability, the idea that the world is a just place. Tattoos communicate ‘I have changed’ or ‘my worldview has changed,'” ‘” says Jordan. “Healing from trauma is multi-layered and self-determined, which means you get to decide what your healing process looks like. Getting a tattoo can totally play a role in emotional transformation.”

Photo courtesy of Alicia Chung

“I protect myself by decorating myself. It’s armor,” says Alicia Chung, a 24-year-old art student and accountability facilitator in Vancouver, Canada. Since restrictions were eased last fall, he’s been getting new inks almost every week, often occupied by his growing network of friends in private tattoo studios who run a rotary machine. A lot of his pieces make no sense, and he thinks he might as well be stupid — a spider on his elbow, a mud gun with a halo, a sexy peanut, “fast and furious” above the crotch — but the point is Alicia Chosen them. “It’s my weird, twisted way of gaining autonomy.”

The sudden and complete absence of autonomy is the hallmark of the pandemic era. This is at the root of complaints from anti-mascars and anti-vaxxers. This seemed to be the central conflict – even more powerful than the disease – of the quarantine essays written from vacation homes. Our newfound autonomy in a now-reopened society is stressing us out, creating FOMO in some and a fear of being left out in others. Emphasis on self-determination has always been a reason for getting tattoos, but in the post-pandemic scenario it has taken on new meaning.

“When my studio reopened in August, I was worried that people wouldn’t come,” says Ocean Sing, an artist based in Brooklyn, New York. “But more people wanted tattoos than before the pandemic. I think there was a zest for practicing agency, and I ended up getting tattooed on a lot of designs that people said they wanted for years. “

Psychologically, periods of separation and pause can act as a value reset. “Many of us had never faced the reality of ‘life is short,’ which leads to ‘why not’ decisions,” Jordan explains. For those who had money left over from government stimulus checks after paying rent and debt, getting a tattoo was something exciting.

Part of why Alicia has been under the needle so often is that the restaurant they work at has temporarily closed, the school has gone virtual and parties have been cancelled. They had too much time and too little socialization. “That’s when I can take a little rest or allow myself to rest,” he says. “It got to a point where I didn’t mind spending the money to get them all” [tattoos] Because I’m paying for those four hours to be on the table and get professional service. We become intimate and vulnerable but it maintains this customer relationship because I am paying for their trust and interaction. And the isolated pain of a billion vibrations.”

As social beings, we have suffered the loss of non-pod contact. Ocean could still sketch in lockdown if he had the energy, but couldn’t tell Miyazaki to chat with a stranger about movies while by the bathroom. spirited Away on their back. (“I prefer customs these days because they’re so cooperative,” he explains.) We remembered our third-tier friends, the people we laid eyes on the subway from and the professionals we called expertise. was paid instead.

Photo courtesy of Ocean Sing

“Tattoos are an experience you’ll never forget,” says Detroit artist and shop owner Chrissy the Butcher, who’s engaged anytime in her 13-year career. “You’re nervous, the adrenaline rushing. People want that feeling again. i have designed [my shop] So that it’s so quiet, people can bring their friends… there’s a vibe to it.”

According to Jordan, physical intimacy is an important part of restoration even after trauma. “Being around other people is a way that we co-regulate, which means our bodies go back into a sense of groundedness and security. It’s not something we really do on our own. ” For artists who see themselves as healers, this understanding comes first.

Jude Le Tronick specializes in flora and fauna – as nature was “a major healer” in his life – and does freehand blackwork exclusively from private studios established in Seattle. “Freehanding is for me and for the client. I think it’s a respectful process to be fully present.” Judd, which provides free scar cover-up tattoo services to survivors of domestic or sexual violence, believes that tattooists are not therapists, but still have stories of inner pain emanating from their clients. There should be room for

In Tamara Santibanez’s phenomenal manifesto/guidebook/love letter Could this be magic? tattooing as emancipation, published in March and developed from discussion groups conducted during the pandemic, they claim that a tattoo shop has the potential to be a significant site of community building and change. Historically, that ability has been undermined by a masculine culture lacking tenderness. There’s a dispute between street shops and DIY private studios, between artists asking you for consent to shave and between artists who photograph your lower back while you’re oblivious. Lily, 20, knew that for a memorial tattoo of her cousin who died by suicide during the quarantine, she wanted to patronize a queer-led shop and get a tattoo done by a non-male artist. “When I was doing this I didn’t have to worry about anyone maybe attacking me,” she says.

We are in a unique moment of systemic change and the impact of the pandemic on the future of tattoo spaces is beginning to show. For many, this is taking a trauma-informed direction; For others, a selfish fight-or-flight. Pat Fish has been tattooing for 37 years, and she estimates that the dozen tattoo studios around the Santa Barbara Valley have shrunk to six since Covid hit. “I think everyone else is advertising on Craigslist that they’ll be visiting a house, a completely unwell condition. The major effect of the pandemic is that people realized ‘I’m going to have to inspect me once a year. Why should I pay $380 to the health department?’ They are not taking their responsibility as an agent of change seriously.”

“The old thing was you were grassroots because you want someone randomly walking to hear the sound, buzzzz, and to intrigue in the door,” Pat continues. “Now I think, ‘I don’t want you to move, who are you?’ If I’m going to have face-to-face contact with people, let it be that.

A safe space requires acknowledging the dynamic force between the tattooer and the client. When Ocean holds a stencil, for example, they tell the client it’s not a big deal to move or replace, they won’t go crazy. “When I was getting my first tattoo, I was afraid to ask for what I wanted. Even if you’re not traumatized, it’s a scary thing to be in a situation where a stranger might notice your presence. Changes forever.”

Getting a tattoo has always been scary for some people. Jade Bell is a Los Angeles tattoo artist and illustrator who grew up seeing her mother being deprived of shops for being a black woman. When they found an aspiring artist, they weren’t necessarily trained appropriately. “I literally saw a girl give my mom a keloid scar because she didn’t know how to work with darker skin tones,” Jade says.

America’s “plague years” included one of the largest protest movements in the country’s history, making it impossible to close the ongoing racial count. This resonated throughout the tattoo community, as Instagram infographics circulated resources for inking various skin pigments and white artists were singled out for a culturally appropriation flash.

Photo courtesy of Chrissy the Butcher

“People started to realize they had no black art [tattoo] collection,” says Jade. “I asked my partner, ‘Hey, can you name five Blacks’ [tattoo] artist’s?’ we could not. ‘What about five famous tattoo models who are black?’ We couldn’t think of anyone at all.”

Luckily Jade is a Virgo, so she was fearless at the idea of ​​changing the culture herself. “I like to represent myself in the things I love. I had never seen black women drawn in the portrayal style that I see other women drawn all the time. I’m four-eyed black girls.” I am developing my universe.”

Chrissy the Butcher lives and works in Detroit, America’s largest black-majority city. Over the past year, she has seen ideas about race and society make their way onto the body. “Tattoos help people heal from generational trauma. It causes you to research the imagery presented by our ancestors. I see people getting African symbols with the turn of 2021, and I’m getting that tattoo. I’m building what I love and know, anything that relates to the black female form.”

A common counterargument is ‘Why remind yourself of your hardship on your body?’ “I’m thinking about it anyway,” says Kansas City physician Jesse Lee. “My trauma defines a lot of who I am and I was offended by it. Now I’m really happy [for it] Because I love who I am now.”

In February, Jesse got a bicep tattoo of a plant blooming from a can of tomatoes. For years, she pointed to her “nonsense childhood” without actually addressing it. When someone described her trauma to her as a jar of rotten tomatoes that gained more and more pressure over time, until the lid burst and the juices spilled everywhere, Jesse summed it up in a poem. Changed. After a one-year hiatus, in which she finally stuck with therapy and did things she wouldn’t allow herself to do as a fat woman – like roller skating, wearing crop tops, and considering her body a canvas – She was ready to make it a permanent reminder.

“People have experienced more trauma in the last five or so years than I think we have ever experienced collectively. Just by going to the Internet we are constantly digesting other people’s traumas,” Jesse says. A tattoo becomes a positive part of your story.”

It is beautiful to see collective grief metamorphose when we heal individually. “So much healing from trauma involves humor, at least for me,” Alicia says. “People ask me what I’ll think of my sexy Peanuts tattoo in 30 years. Maybe I look back and say to myself, ‘You could probably love yourself a little more, apparently it’s yours’ There was a way to compete. I think it’s nice to have a mark of remembrance for being a wrinkled old woman with a portrait made during a crazy time in the world.”

Follow iD on Instagram and TikTok for more culture.

.

The post The tattoo artists healing our collective trauma post-pandemic appeared first on Spicy Celebrity News.

#IFTTT #WordPress

[iwilltrymyheartest-blog]

When someone completely disregards your boundary after you have clearly communicated it to them, you might doubt or blame yourself. “Did I not communicate it strongly enough?” or “Was my request unrealistic?” While its useful to reflect on the clarity of your communication, notice if this is your reflex: when someone disgreads your request, you conclude it must be somehow your fault - “I’m weak,” “I was overreacting”, “Why would I expect any different from this person?” Your boundaries matter. It is not okay that people disrespect them, especially when they are so clearly communicated. Notice the feelings that come up around the boundary violation = confusion, disgust, anger, sadness. You may want to tell them that they crossed the line. And then, you decide if/to what degree you create distance from them. You can take a break or walk away. You can choose not to go to gatherings that they are attending. Maybe you choose not to respond to their reaching out. You share less. You deliberately shift the level of intimacy you have with them, or you can end the relationship entirely. When people violate your boundaries repeatedly, they do not get to be in your inner circle. You deserve to spend your time and energy on relationships of mutual care and respect.

Jordan Pickell Counselling

[commacommacommachameleon]

“Merrily We Ride Along” – After a near breakdown, Emily arrives at a sobering conclusion, and Lola suggests she find professional help in order to get healthy. Also, Mark finds himself in an uncomfortable position after he agrees to do a police ride-along, and Lola is faced with her own crisis after learning that Robin didn’t get the job in Los Angeles, on ALL RISE, Monday, April 13 (9:00-10:00 PM, ET/PT), on the CBS Television Network. REGULAR CAST: Simone Missick (Lola Carmichael) Wilson Bethel (Mark Callan) Marg Helgenberger (Lisa Benner) Jessica Camacho (Emily Lopez) J. Alex Brinson (Luke Watkins) Lindsay Mendez (Sara Castillo) Ruthie Ann Miles (Sherri Kansky) RECURRING CAST: Reggie Lee (Head DDA Thomas Choi) Lindsey Gort (Amy Quinn) Audrey Corsa (Samantha Powell) L. Scott Caldwell (Roxy Robinson) Rahnuma Panthaky (Leila Turani) Romeo Brown (Det. Quincy Weber) Raquel Dominguez (Daphne Rivas) Bret Harrison (Ben Benner) GUEST CAST: David Desantos (Peter Diaz) Rebecca Field (Carol Coleman) Brent Jennings (Charles Carmichael) Jeremy Howard (Jimmy Slimms) Jamie Anne Allman (Jordan Woodley) Nathan People (Kavon Finch) Rodney To (Daniel Lee) Tripp Pickell (Sergeant Porada) Scotty Tovar (Arturo) Ahmad Dugas (Deputy Douglas) Catherine Bruhier (Dr. Bhatti) WRITTEN BY: Gregory Nelson & Aaron Carter DIRECTED BY: Cheryl Dunye

#all rise #just how long will robin and lola be together?

[positivepsychologyinterventions]

Learning How to Set Boundaries with Strangers

  “Boundaries aren’t about punishing. Boundaries are about creating safety for yourself.” – Sheri Keffer

The person sitting beside you at the bar keeps talking to you despite your obvious disinterest. The flirty Uber driver mentions—three times—how beautiful you are. Your cousin’s new boyfriend gives you a too-long hug with wandering hands.

In awkward situations with strangers, we tend to hope that non-verbal cues will be sufficient to set a boundary. We use silence, crossed arms, uncomfortable laughter, and glares to communicate discomfort. But some folks cannot—or will not—take the hint.

Here, we find ourselves at a crossroads: We can either set clear verbal boundaries or tolerate the uncomfortable behavior indefinitely.

For the longest time, I struggled to set boundaries in awkward situations with strangers. Throughout childhood, I was taught how to be kind, nice, and open-minded—but never how to have difficult conversations and advocate for myself. I worried that setting firm boundaries was mean, so I tolerated uncomfortable behavior in silence, which allowed the awkward situations to escalate even further.

Eventually, I realized that setting firm boundaries is a form of verbal self-defense. It is our responsibility to advocate for, and protect, our time and space.

My goal for this article is to demystify the process of boundary-setting and offer concrete suggestions of language you can use to be clear and direct. These are phrases I’ve crafted, edited, and re-crafted over years of boundary-setting practice. My hope is to help you make awkward situations as not awkward as possible.

Before we dive in, let’s get clear on five key principles for boundary-setting:

When we refuse to set a boundary, we prioritize other people’s comfort over our own needs. Setting boundaries is a courageous act of putting ourselves first. It’s a great way to break the people-pleasing habit and practice the art of self-care and verbal self-defense.

Difficult honesty is not unkindness. It’s not mean to stand up for yourself. It’s actually the most truthful and authentic way to interact with others.

You can manage your boundaries or manage other people’s feelings, but you can’t do both. The bottom line is, your boundaries might make people feel frustrated or resentful. That burden is not yours to bear. As the saying goes, “The only people who get upset about you setting boundaries are the ones who benefited from you having none.”

It’s not your job to protect people from feeling uncomfortable. Remember: the folks imposing on your space aren’t giving your comfort a second thought—so don’t twist yourself into knots trying to protect their feelings. As Registered Clinical Counselor Jordan Pickell says, “It makes sense for people to feel bad and weird when they have crossed a line.”

Safety first. If you ever feel unsafe or threatened, do whatever you need to do to get to safety. Don’t be a boundary-setting hero.

For consistency, the examples below use “Bob” as the generic name of our boundary-violator. However, folks of all genders, ages, races, etc., violate boundaries.

Certain suggested phrases are direct and firm. Others are lighter and playful. Experiment with the language to find the tone that works best for you.

Case #1: The Handsy Hugger

Maybe it’s an eager fan who approaches you after an open mic performance. Maybe it’s your step brother’s uncle who you see twice a year at family barbecues.

Handsy Huggers comes in many shapes and forms, but they all have one thing in common: they hug you for an uncomfortably long time with wandering hands.

My recommendation: In a scenario that runs the risk of uncomfortable physical contact, it’s better to avoid a hug altogether. Next time a Handsy Hugger approaches you, give yourself permission not to enter his outstretched arms. Hang back, offer a smile (or not), and when he looks at you quizzically, say, “I’m not in the mood for a hug today, Bob.” In the next breath, redirect the conversation to literally any other topic.

Case #2: The Flirty Uber Driver

I have been asked, by two separate Uber drivers, if I would consider marrying them. I’ve sat in the backseat as Uber drivers have commented on how much they liked my clothing and eyed me from the rearview.

When you’re in someone’s Uber, you can’t exactly escape to the ladies room. Some drivers will continue bantering with you even if you put headphones on and stare blankly out the window.

My recommendation: Depending on your mood, you can use a casual or direct approach.

Casual: “It’s been nice talking with you, but I’ve had a long day and don’t really feel like talking right now.”

Direct: “To be honest, your comments are making me uncomfortable. I’d prefer not to talk right now.”

(Note: If your rideshare driver makes you feel unsafe or threatened, report them through the app immediately.)

Case #3: The Non-Stop Texter

You meet a nice man named Bob at the bar or on a hike. You exchange numbers. Within hours, your phone begins buzzing. Bob asks you a litany of questions. He sends a greeting every morning. Throughout the day, your phone erupts with Bob’s favorite Youtube videos of tap-dancing cats.

You don’t reply, but your silence doesn’t deter Bob from sending text after text after text. You consider ignoring his messages wholesale, but you’re concerned that if you run into Bob in public, you’ll feel guilty and awkward.

My recommendation: Despite the rising popularity of cell phone boundaries, some folks seem to feel entitled to your time and space via your inbox. They’re not. You’ve got two options:

If you hope to keep this person as a friend but adjust how often you text, try this: “Bob, I like to have healthy boundaries with my phone and I’m not interested in texting this often. Next time we meet up, let’s have a conversation about our expectations for communicating when we’re not together.”

If you feel overwhelmed and want to cut the cord entirely, try this: “Bob, I’m not open to a friendship with you at this time. You’ve been reaching out a lot recently and I feel overwhelmed by it. I have no hard feelings toward you and I wish you the best.”

Case #4: The Person At the Bar Who Won’t Stop Talking To You Despite Your Obvious Disinterest

I like to write in my journal at bars. I’m a sober lady and I don’t drink, but I love feeling comfortably anonymous in a social atmosphere.

Despite my hunched posture, downcast eyes, and scribbling hand, many a barstool neighbor attempts to strike up a conversation with me. The first one or two questions are fine—a pleasantry, really—but often, my bar neighbor will continue on, chatting at me despite my obvious disinterest.

I can’t count the number of times I have diverted my eyes and offered muttered “uh huhs” and “yeahs” before throwing a twenty onto the bar and escaping into the night, feeling resentful.

My recommendation: Especially when alcohol might be involved, it’s best to set a firm boundary as clearly and directly as possible. Turn to your barstool neighbor and say, “I appreciate the chance to chat, but I don’t feel like talking right now.”

Case #5: The “Harmless Older Person”

Ah, yes. The older lady or gentleman who uses your age difference to justify being “harmlessly flirty” with you. Any of this sound familiar?

“If I was your age, I’d have swept you off your feet by now!”

“You’re a real beauty, you know that?”

“I just love the sight of a spry young man.”

“As my father used to say: Just ‘cuz you’re married doesn’t mean you stop lookin’.”

It doesn’t matter if the speaker is 20 or 200—if someone’s flirtation makes you uncomfortable, you have every right to shut that commentary down.

My recommendation: Keep it simple. Try this: “I know you’re trying to be kind, but please don’t make comments like that. They make me feel uncomfortable.”

Case #6: The Uninvited Mansplainer

There’s nothing quite like the particular fury of having a man 1) assume you know nothing about a certain topic because you’re a woman, 2) explain said topic authoritatively, indefinitely.

Merriam Webster defines mansplaining as “when a man talks condescendingly to someone (especially a woman) about something he has incomplete knowledge of, with the mistaken assumption that he knows more about it than the person he’s talking to does.”

Ladies, you might be familiar with mansplaining if you’ve ever bought strings at a guitar store, watched a sporting match, or discussed anything related to cars, electronics, or grilling. Opportunities for mansplaining abound.

My recommendation: Make it clear that not only do you know this information already, but you’d really like them to stop. Try this: “I’m really familiar with (insert topic here) and I don’t need any more information. Thanks anyway.”

Case #7: The Personal Space Invader

You’re standing on the subway, or in the check-out line, or at the club, and someone’s body is too close for comfort. Maybe it’s intentional, which is creepy. Perhaps they aren’t aware of the space they’re occupying. Regardless, you’re not enjoying their front near your back / the smell of their breath / their odor.

It’s time to set a boundary.

My recommendation: “Excuse me, could you please move back and give me some space? Thanks.”

Case #8: “Can I Have Your Number?”

You’ve been chatting with a stranger, Bob, for a few minutes. As he gets up to leave, he asks for your number. You’re not into it.

This circumstance tends to elicit boundary-white-lies, such as “Sorry, but I have a partner,” or “Oh, I don’t give out my phone number to strangers.”

I understand that white lies might be your most comfortable entry point into boundary-setting. I am, at heart, a boundary-setting pragmatist. That said, when you’re ready, experiment with a firmer approach. It might be scary, but it will certainly be empowering.

My recommendation: “I’ve enjoyed chatting with you, but I’m not going to give you my number. Have a nice rest of your day!”

Bringing Boundaries To Life

By now you’ve probably realized that, in each of the cases above, the words you can use to set boundaries are pretty straightforward. It’s actually saying them that’s the hard part.

With this toolbox of phrases in hand, you can bring these boundaries to life using three simple steps:

Step 1: Practice Boundary-Setting Aloud.

Many of us have never fathomed speaking up this directly. Our ability to boundary-set is just like any other skill: it takes time, effort, and practice.

In the comfort of your own home, practice stating your boundaries aloud. Get used to wrapping your tongue around the words. Consider standing in front of a mirror and using a firm, confident tone.

At first, it will be uncomfortable and strange—guaranteed. You may find yourself worrying about being “mean,” “rude,” or “harsh.”

These reactions are totally normal and totally surmountable. Practicing your boundaries alone makes them easier to retrieve when you’re feeling burdened by the tension of an uncomfortable situation.

Step 2: Role Play With Your Friends. (Yes, Really.)

Once you’ve developed an arsenal of failsafe boundary phrases, practice with a friend or two.

Give each other feedback. Tell your friend when she sounds overly apologetic. (“Stand in your power, girlfriend!”) Tell your friend when she’s sounding like a huge, mean jerk (“Okay, maybe take that down a notch.”) Have fun with it.

If you want to uplevel your boundary-setting game, ask your friends to push back against your boundary. (Psychologist Harriet Lerner refers to this as a countermove: a “change back!” reaction.) Practice re-asserting yourself in the face of annoyed reactions. This way, when you begin setting these boundaries out and about, it will feel natural and familiar.

Step 3: Practice.

As with all new skills, don’t expect perfection immediately. Your first few boundaries in the real world might be clunky, awkward, or embarrassing. Maybe you’ll speak too quietly and the offender won’t be able to hear you. Maybe you’ll boil over in rage and feel terribly guilty afterwards.

All of this is normal. Be patient with yourself as you strengthen your boundary-setting muscle.

P.S.: What About Silence?

Is silence ever an effective form of boundary-setting? To answer this question I like to refer to writer Courtnery J Burg’s take, which she published on Instagram this year. She writes,

“I’m all about boundary work. But sometimes the healthiest, best way to keep your sanity is to just walk away. To not respond. To not answer that text or that call. Sometimes the answer is no answer at all. This isn’t the same as avoiding. It’s acknowledging what is yours to carry + what isn’t. It’s remembering that not all situations must be handled with delicate gloves and deep, heartfelt energy. That occasionally, no response CAN BE your response and that you have nothing to feel guilty for and no one to explain yourself to for it.”

Generally, I advocate verbal boundaries because 1) they’re most effective, 2) I spent many years trying to be “good” and “quiet” and I’m rebelling, and 3) they’re a great way to practice your boundary-setting muscle. However, certain awkward situations with strangers are most effectively curtailed with silence.

As a rule of thumb, I use silence as a boundary with:

Catcallers. Silence or the middle finger tends to do the trick.

Strangers who message me insistently through social media. Most folks with public social media profiles will occasionally receive a deluge of creepy messages from strangers. Don’t engage. Block the account.

Arguers. Suppose I set a firm boundary and the stranger argues my point — asking me “Why?”, urging me to reconsider, etc. You do not owe a stranger any justifications or explanations. Your work is done.

With time, boundaries that once felt impossible or too-awkward to assert will be second-nature. By practicing this skill of verbal self-defense, you will give yourself the gift of moving confidently and powerfully through the world. You deserve it!

This post courtesy of Tiny Buddha.

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[kansascityhappenings]

Visiting Niagara Falls could soon cost more

NIAGARA FALLS, N.Y. — Visiting the beautiful Niagara Falls comes with a fee and one councilman is looking to raise that cost.

“It’s time that the parks share some of the wealth that comes to Niagara Falls, with the city that hosts the Falls itself,” said Councilman Kenny Tompkins (R).

This idea comes after Mayor Paul Dyster announced that the city has a budget deficit. Tompkins hopes that charging more for parking will help balance the budget.

If it’s approved, costs will be :

$5 more for cars $20 more for buses $2 more for park attractions “It’s not going to break your bank if you’re a visitor coming to the city,” Tompkins said.

Fees would mostly impact out of town tourists, according to Tompkins.

“We’re making the taxpayer pay enough in the city of Niagara Falls, it’s time we find other sources of revenue and I believe we’re owed this source of revenue, they use our roads to get there, they use our fire services…it’s time we’re reimbursed for stuff like that,” said Tompkins.

Tourists didn’t seem to like the idea.

“That’s crazy. They need to keep it where it’s at…that’s way too expensive,” Jordan Thompson of Arkansas said.

“It’s a little too much, especially for poor college students like us,” Jason Pickell of Ohio said.

Tourists say this wouldn’t stop them from visiting the Falls. They would just work around it.

“People are just going to find other alternatives rather than parking and paying a lot more,” Pickell added.

Tompkins says most of his colleagues support the proposal. The next step is to get it passed at the council meeting on October 16th. It will then work its way to Albany for state approval.

“If that comes forward, if the city approaches us with that kind of idea, we explore it, we vet it pretty thoroughly and we make informed decisions,” said Mark Mistretta, Niagara Regional Director of New York State Parks.

from FOX 4 Kansas City WDAF-TV | News, Weather, Sports https://fox4kc.com/2019/10/11/visiting-niagara-falls-could-soon-cost-more/

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[conscious-love]

jordanpickellcounselling ~ Instagram

#jordanpickellcounselling #Jordan Pickell #relationship #love #breakup #heartbreak #moving on #strength #recovery #healing #self respect #personal development #quotes

[swit-purple]

Making peace and moving forward is often easier said than done. Being able to forgive yourself requires empathy, compassion, kindness, and understanding. It also requires you to accept that forgiveness is a choice.

Whether you’re trying to work through a minor mistake or one that impacts all areas of your life, the steps you need to take in order to forgive yourself will look and feel the same.

All of us make mistakes at times. As humans, we’re imperfect. The trick, says Arlene B. Englander, LCSW, MBA, PA is to learn and move on from our mistakes. As painful and uncomfortable as it may feel, there are things in life that are worth enduring the pain for in order to move forward, and forgiving yourself is one of them.

Here are 12 tips you can try the next time you want to forgive yourself.

1. Focus on your emotions

One of the first steps in learning how to forgive yourself is to focus on your emotions. Before you can move forward, you need to acknowledge and process your emotionsTrusted Source. Give yourself permission to recognize and accept the feelings that have been triggered in you and welcome them.

2. Acknowledge the mistake out loud

If you make a mistake and continue to struggle with letting it go, acknowledge out loud what you learned from the mistake, says Jordan Pickell, MCP, RCC.

When you give a voice to the thoughts in your head and the emotions in your heart, you may free yourself from some of the burdens. You also imprint in your mind what you learned from your actions and consequences.

3. Think of each mistake as a learning experience

Englander says to think of each “mistake” as a learning experience that holds the key to moving forward faster and more consistently in the future.

Reminding ourselves that we did the best we could with the tools and knowledge we had at the time, will help us forgive ourselves and move forward.

4. Give yourself permission to put this process on hold

If you make a mistake but have a hard time putting it out of your mind, Pickell says to visualize your thoughts and feelings about the mistake going into a container, such as a mason jar or box.

Then, tell yourself you are putting this aside for now and will return to it if and when it will benefit you.

5. Have a conversation with your inner critic

Journaling can help you understand your inner critic and develop self-compassion. Pickell says one thing you can do is write out a “conversation” between you and your inner critic. This can help you identify thought patterns that are sabotaging your ability to forgive yourself.

You can also use journaling time to make a list of the qualities you like about yourself, including your strengths and skills. This can help boost your self-confidence when you’re feeling down about a mistake you made.

6. Notice when you are being self-critical

We are our own worst critics, right? That’s why Pickell says one important action tip is to notice when that harsh voice comes in and then write it down. You might be surprised by what your inner critic actually says to you.

7. Quiet the negative messages of your inner critic

Sometimes it can be difficult to recognize the thoughts that are getting in the way of forgiveness. If you’re struggling to sort out your inner critic, Pickell suggests this exercise:

On one side of a piece of paper, write down what your inner critic says (which tends to be critical and irrational).

On the other side of the paper, write a self-compassionate and rational response for each thing you wrote on the other side of the paper.

8. Get clear about what you want

If the mistake you made hurt another person, you need to determine the best course of action. Do you want to talk to this person and apologize? Is it important to reconcile with them and make amends?

If you’re on the fence about what to do, you might want to consider making amends. This goes beyond saying sorry to a person you've hurt. Instead, try to fix the mistake you've made. One study found that forgiving ourselves for hurting another is easier if we first make amends.

9. Take your own advice

Oftentimes, it’s easier to tell someone else what to do than to take our own advice. Licensed marriage and family therapist, Heidi McBain, LMFT, LPT, RPT says to ask yourself what you would tell your best friend if they were sharing this mistake they made with you, and then take your own advice.

If you’re having a difficult time working through this in your head, it can help to role-play with your friend. Ask them to take on your mistake. They will tell you what happened and how they are struggling to forgive themselves.

You get to be the advice giver and practice telling your friend how to move on.

10. Quit playing the tape

It’s human nature to spend time and energy replaying our mistakes. While some processing is important, going over what happened again and again won’t allow you to take the proper steps to forgive yourself.

When you catch yourself playing the “I’m a horrible person” tape, stop yourself and focus on one positive action step. For example, instead of replaying the tape, take three deep breaths or go for a walk.

Interrupting the thought pattern can help you move away from the negative experience and reduce stress and anxiety.Trusted Source

11. Show kindness and compassion

If your first response to a negative situation is to criticize yourself, it’s time to show yourself some kindness and compassion. The only way to begin the journey to forgiveness is to be kind and compassionate with yourself.

This takes time, patience, and a reminder to yourself that you’re worthy of forgiveness.

12. Seek professional help

If you’re struggling to forgive yourself, you may benefit from talking to a professional. McBain recommends talking to a counselor who can help you learn how to break these unhealthy patterns in your life and learn new and healthier ways of coping with mistakes.

The takeaway

Forgiveness is important to the healing process since it allows you to let go of the anger, guilt, shame, sadness, or any other feeling you may be experiencing, and move on.

Once you identify what you’re feeling, give a voice to it and accept that mistakes are inevitable. You’ll begin to see how freeing forgiveness can be.

[vampireadamooc]

As Always: text is provided only in the event of access expiration or post deletions from the hosting site. Whenever possible, always read the article at the link.

Note:

Science Newsfrom research organizations 'Vampire burial' reveals efforts to prevent child's return from grave Date: October 12, 2018 Source: University of Arizona Summary: Archaeologists found the remains of a 10-year-old child with a stone inserted into his or her mouth at a fifth-century Italian cemetery. They think the stone was meant to keep the child from rising from the dead and spreading malaria to the living.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/10/181012093005.htm

The discovery of a 10-year-old's body at an ancient Roman site in Italy suggests measures were taken to prevent the child, possibly infected with malaria, from rising from the dead and spreading disease to the living.

The skeletal remains, uncovered by archaeologists from the University of Arizona and Stanford University, along with archaeologists from Italy, included a skull with a rock intentionally inserted into the mouth. Researchers believe the stone may have been placed there as part of a funeral ritual designed to contain disease -- and the body itself.

The discovery of this unusual, so-called "vampire burial" was made over the summer in the commune of Lugnano in Teverina in the Italian region of Umbria, where UA archaeologist David Soren has overseen archaeological excavations since 1987.

"I've never seen anything like it. It's extremely eerie and weird," said Soren, a Regents' Professor in the UA School of Anthropology and Department of Religious Studies and Classics. "Locally, they're calling it the 'Vampire of Lugnano.'"

The discovery was made at La Necropoli dei Bambini, or the Cemetery of the Babies, which dates to the mid-fifth century when a deadly malaria outbreak swept the area, killing many vulnerable babies and small children. The bodies of the young victims were buried at the site of an abandoned Roman villa that was originally constructed at the end of the first century B.C.

Until now, archaeologists believed the cemetery was designated specifically for infants, toddlers and unborn fetuses; in previous excavations of more than 50 burials, a 3-year-old girl was the oldest child found.

The discovery of the 10-year-old, whose age was determined based on dental development but whose sex is unknown, suggests that the cemetery may have been used for older children as well, said bioarcheologist Jordan Wilson, a UA doctoral student in anthropology who analyzed the skeletal remains in Italy.

"There are still sections of the cemetery that we haven't excavated yet, so we don't know if we'll find other older kids," Wilson said.

Excavation director David Pickel, who has a master's degree in classical archaeology from the UA and is now a doctoral student at Stanford, said the discovery has the potential to tell researchers much more about the devastating malaria epidemic that hit Umbria nearly 1,500 years ago, as well as the community's response to it.

"Given the age of this child and its unique deposition, with the stone placed within his or her mouth, it represents, at the moment, an anomaly within an already abnormal cemetery," Pickel said. "This just further highlights how unique the infant -- or now, rather, child -- cemetery at Lugnano is."

Witchcraft as disease control

In previous excavations at the Cemetery of the Babies, archaeologists found infant and toddler bones alongside items like raven talons, toad bones, bronze cauldrons filled with ash and the remains of puppies that appear to have been sacrificed -- all objects commonly associated with witchcraft and magic. In addition, the body of the 3-year-old girl had stones weighing down her hands and feet -- a practice used by different cultures throughout history to keep the deceased in their graves.

"We know that the Romans were very much concerned with this and would even go to the extent of employing witchcraft to keep the evil -- whatever is contaminating the body -- from coming out," Soren said.

The "evil," in the case of the babies and toddlers uncovered in Lugnano, was malaria, Soren believed. DNA testing of several of the excavated bones supported his theory.

Although the 10-year-old's remains have not yet undergone DNA testing, the child had an abscessed tooth -- a side effect of malaria -- that suggests he or she may also have fallen victim to the disease, Wilson said.

The child was one of five new burials uncovered at the cemetery over the summer. The body was found lying on its left side in a makeshift tomb created by two large roof tiles propped against a wall -- an alla cappuccina-style burial typical of Roman Italy.

"Knowing that two large roof tiles were used for this burial, I was expecting something unique to be found inside, perhaps a 'double-inhumation' -- not uncommon for this cemetery -- where a single burial contains two individuals," Pickel said. "After removing the roof tiles, however, it became immediately clear to us that we were dealing with an older individual."

The open position of the child's jaw, which would not have opened naturally during decomposition with the body positioned on its side, suggests that the rock was intentionally inserted in the mouth after death, Wilson said. Teeth marks on the surface of the stone provide further evidence that it was placed purposefully.

The 10-year old was the first at the cemetery to be found with a stone in its mouth. Similar burials have been documented in other locations, including in Venice, where an elderly 16th-century woman dubbed the "Vampire of Venice" was found with a brick in her mouth in 2009. In Northamptonshire, England, in 2017, an adult male from the third or fourth century was found buried facedown with his tongue removed and replaced with a stone.

These types of burials are often referred to as vampire burials, since they are associated with a belief that the dead could rise again. Other examples of vampire burials throughout history include bodies being staked to the ground through the heart or dismembered prior to interment.

"This is a very unusual mortuary treatment that you see in various forms in different cultures, especially in the Roman world, that could indicate there was a fear that this person might come back from the dead and try to spread disease to the living," Wilson said.

Archaeologists will return to Lugnano next summer to complete excavations of the cemetery and learn more about a dark time in history.

"It's a very human thing to have complicated feelings about the dead and wonder if that's really the end," Wilson said. "Anytime you can look at burials, they're significant because they provide a window into ancient minds. We have a saying in bioarchaeology: 'The dead don't bury themselves.' We can tell a lot about people's beliefs and hopes and by the way they treat the dead."

Story Source:

Materials provided by University of Arizona. Note: Content may be edited for style and length.

Cite This Page:

MLA: University of Arizona. "'Vampire burial' reveals efforts to prevent child's return from grave." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 12 October 2018. <www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/10/181012093005.htm>.

APA: University of Arizona. (2018, October 12). 'Vampire burial' reveals efforts to prevent child's return from grave. ScienceDaily. Retrieved October 12, 2018 from www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/10/181012093005.htm

Chicago: University of Arizona. "'Vampire burial' reveals efforts to prevent child's return from grave." ScienceDaily. www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/10/181012093005.htm (accessed October 12, 2018).

#Vampire of Lugnano #anthropology #Lugnano Child #vampire #vampires #La Necropoli dei Bambini #Cemetery of the Babies #malaria #malaria outbreak #University of Arizona #Stanford University

[chrislaguna1-blog]

The Pickelhaube (plural Pickelhauben; from the old German Pickel = "point" or "pickaxe", and Haube = "bonnet", a general word for headgear), also "Pickelhelm," was a spiked helmet worn in the 19th and 20th centuries by German military, firefighters, and police... The basic Pickelhaube was made of hardened (boiled) leather, given a glossy-black finish, and reinforced with metal trim (usually plated with gold or silver for officers) that included a metal spike at the crown... Prior to the outbreak of World War I in 1914 detachable black or white plumes were worn with the pickehaube in full dress... During the early months of World War I, it was soon discovered that the Pickelhaube did not measure up to the demanding conditions of trench warfare. The leather helmets offered virtually no protection against shell fragments and shrapnel and the conspicuous spike made its wearer a target. These shortcomings, combined with material shortages, led to the introduction of the simplified model 1915 helmet.. with a detachable spike... Pickelhauben were popular targets for British souvenir hunters in the trenches, which prompted German soldiers to leave booby trapped examples behind when retreating... The Pickelhaube is still part of the parade/ceremonial uniform of the Life Guards (Swedish Army); the Portuguese National Republican Guard; the Military Academies of Chile, Colombia, Venezuela, and Ecuador, and the Military College of Bolivia; the Chilean Army Central Band and Army School Band; and the Colombian Presidential Guard Battalion and National Police. Traffic police in the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan also use a form of the Pickelhaube.

[vernicle]

I spent a year recording radiators to make music

I GUESS YOU COULD SAY IT WAS...RAD Subscribe for regular tunes weirdness → http://bit.ly/subscribetoandrewhuang Exclusive down load of the track (instrumental and voiceover versions) by means of Patreon: http://ift.tt/1zbppXg Voiceover by Berkeley Pickell: http://youtube.com/berkpick

★ View Much more ★

Discovering melodies in race cars! https://www.youtube.com/enjoy?v=udVs5lbi3_E&index=43&list=PLW9UYOmoXTQlQDFBZWeRBEa23W0IJfWgk

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★ CREDITS ★

Songs by Andrew Huang. Further audio from Graham Taylor.

Filmed and edited by Andrew Huang and Philip Bowser.

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Voiceover published by Kyah Green and Andrew Huang. Done by Berkeley Pickell.

We get started with an ending. From elements we ended up born, and to them we will return. All things exist to be adjusted, reworked, created new by an countless movement of time.

This improve alerts a new chapter, a new purpose. Pushed onward, we rise - formless, weightless. Guided by an unseen architecture, we touch the outer limitations of what is regarded. Close to us, the hammering of those people who arrived in advance of. We are amongst them, each individual life an echo in oblivion. This is the way it was constantly meant to be.

The strength of our becoming will escape our kind and movement outward. It might have the power to alter large worlds, other beings, present somewhere past the edge of our creativeness. We are but a straightforward arc in a widening spiral, the breadth of which can under no circumstances be regarded.

This is our location in the cosmos. To just take each individual switch and be re-formed, ushered forward by forces inside us, yet past us.

Until our route ends.

But constantly, we will rise again. Our hope will be a beacon, and together, we will radiate.

╰☆╮

If you happen to be new right here, my title is Andrew Huang and I am a musician who performs with a lot of genres and a lot of devices - and I've also created tunes with a lot of things that usually are not devices like balloons, trousers, drinking water, and dentist devices. For much more info stop by my internet site: http://andrewhuang.com

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