#It really is the dumbest thing ever

[genavere]

February Whump Prompts – 2023, DAY 16: Semi-Conscious

Content Warnings: Swearing, Crack Fic, Light Whump Fandom: Fairy Tail

Whack a Lucy

“Think we could move her?”

Move? Lucy felt a sharp ache pierce through her skull the moment she thought the word. No, that could not be. It had been when the voices around her first came through. Could they not be quiet, she groaned.

“Is she coming to?” That warm voice filled her ears and a well of annoyance overflowed inside. If Natsu was hovering over her, that meant something went wrong, and the possibility that he had been involved were high.

“I don’t think so. Probably just an unconscious reaction.” Another familiar voice shot through her head like a cold chill. Those two morons could leave her alone or at least get Wendy so she could help her head.

“This is bad, Erza is going to kill us! Why did you have to get in my way, Gray?”

“You got in my way, Flames for brains!”

“I was clearly going after the target first!”

“You wanna go at it again?”

“Will you two stop it!” Another voice, another familiar one, added to the headache that pounded in her head. “We need to get Lucy to Wendy!”

“We know, little Buddy—”

“No, you don’t! You are just fighting here and not paying attention to her. She’s pale and her head is bleeding from that rock you threw at her!”

“Oi! Who are you saying threw that rock? If Ice Princess hadn’t tossed an ice hammer and hit the Vulcan AND the rock, it wouldn’t have hit her!”

“Who had the bright idea to throw a flaming rock at a Vulcan!?”

“What? Fighting them with fists would’ve been boring.”

“You’re a moron.”

“Wanna say that again, droopy eyes?”

How she wished she had the strength to summon Virgo to drop them in a hole. They were too loud and if her head wound did not kill her, the pain splitting her head apart currently would. The fact that they were too consumed to fight with each other and buck the blame made her wish desperately that Erza would come and beat them into oblivion.

“I can’t believe you used the hammer as a bat.” She vaguely remembered seeing that. Both of them had already been bickering non-stop and had been trying to show the other up with the most ridiculous ways to take out the Vulcan pod. It had started way before the rock had been toss. For her part, her and Happy had merely stayed back as they went crazy. The last thing she had seen and heard had been the hammer slamming into the Vulcan from the side.

At least only the rock hit her and not the Vulcan, too.

“Who was the one who kicked a full tree down to land on one?”

“Should I remind you that I took out three with that move?”

“Whatever, flame breath.”

“Gray! Natsu!” Was that Erza she heard?

“Aw, crap! We’re so dead!”

“A-aye!”

It was. Finally, she just desperately wanted this agony to go away. Their arguing was too much and way too loud, and she could say nothing to either of them. Not even a finger twitched at her command.

“What happened to Lucy?!”

“Oh no! She looks bad! Carla, can you get me the bandages while I begin healing her?”

“You two, speak now. What happened here.”

“Well, you see…Natsu had this great idea to throw a rock…”

“Natsu threw a rock at Lucy?”

“Aye! Wait, no! Don’t kill me! I threw it at a Vulcan, then Stripper here decided to play ball and smacked the same one I threw the rock at with a hammer! But he did it like…a bat!”

“I had already called dibs!”

“Did not!”

“Did, too!”

Two loud clanks rung out and the same number of thuds on the ground. Neither one bothered her as bad with the energies she felt coming from Wendy’s hands. Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked up at the young dragon slayer.

“Don’t try to move,” she said softly. “You got a pretty bad wound on your head.”

Light pierced the canopy of trees and her eyes. Closing them, she let out a sigh. “They wouldn’t…stop fighting.”

“They won’t be doing that any time soon,” Erza promised. The disappointment in her tone made Lucy’s skin crawl. Would it be better to apologize now for her lack of capabilities? “When we get back to the guild, those two will be chained to each other until they learn to get along.”

Slowly, she cracked open an eye and looked at the red-head. Relief flooded through her at the soft smile that was directed at her. “How did you know?”

“The Tomcat was actually useful and told us you were injured,” Carla said, holding the roll of bandages that had been requested.

“Happy?” She glanced around for him. “Where is he?”

“I sent him with the proof of a successful mission to get our reward and to buy train tickets.” Erza came over and waited until she had been given the okay from Wendy before picking her up in her arms.

Lucy blushed furiously even as her head fell on Erza’s shoulder. “I-I can walk!”

“Better not risk it, Miss Lucy.” Wendy smiled up at her as she healed the two boys just enough so they could walk.

“That’s right,” Erza agreed. “The carelessness of your teammates caused you to be wounded, we will ensure no additional damage can come to you, or I will take full responsibly.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I do, and I will.” She looked over her shoulder and gave the two males of their team a narrowed look that sent them both into each other’s arms. “And if I hear anything from either of you, you can guarantee, I can guarantee neither of you will be capable of going on jobs for over a month. Do you understand?”

“Yes, ma’am!” They echoed.

Though she could not see their faces, Lucy could imagine how they looked. It gave her a sense of pride that she had managed to not be involved in this round of punishments from the red-head. It will be a good source of entertainment to watch them endure it for the foreseeable future.

Smiling, she let herself relax against the firm armor, glad that the pounding in her head had finally settled into nothing more than a faint heartbeat.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This....was a weird ass fic for me. I usually don't write like this, but I could not for the life of me write this any other way.

Really sorry if this is not most people's cup of tea. I also really hope you can all tell who is talking.

And, if this is what it still stands for, I do believe this is my first real crack fic. Usually everything I write is serious, on point, and has a reason. There is no reason this should exist. It should probably burn in a pit somewhere, lol.

But, hopefully you all enjoyed it!

Links to AO3 | FF.net (I regret this fic so much I nearly forgot this, lol) - (Okay, I don’t regret it COMPLETELY, but it is still dumb, and I know it is)

@febuwhump

#febuwhump #febuwhump2023 #Febuwhumpday16 #Light whump #Tumblr Prompt #Prompt: Semi-Conscious #writing #fanfiction #crack fic #fanfic #fairy tail fanfiction #fairy tail #I really have no idea why I wrote this #It really is the dumbest thing ever #WHY DID I LET MYSELF WRITE THIS!??! #Hopefully tomorrow is better

[54625]

we're so dramatic . wonder where we get that from

#qsmp #fitmc #posted directly from the huevito fallout shelter #wait do i need to put this in my art tag? that's really funny actually #54625art #this is the dumbest thing I've ever put this much effort into

[genericpuff]

when were y'all gonna tell me about persephone, the poodle webkinz who runs a shop that's pretty much exclusively for rich people-

i need to make it clear that the irony here is not lost on me LOL

what's even better is the comment section which is a mixed bag of praise and "fuck you persephone for hating poor people" criticisms and again, thE IRONY SHOULD NOT BE LOST ON US HERE-

this has literally nothing to do with LO and yet it makes me laugh so fucking hard to see a whole ass other niche and specific fandom embroiled in criticism regarding a pink depiction of persephone who they deem to be a snobby diva

d-

do you think-

do you think this is what rachel's been referencing the whole time when she keeps having the male characters in LO brag about persephone's pedigree-

#never expected the antiLO community to have a crossover episode with the webkinz community fr #i support you webkinz persephone haters #you may have won the battle but the war wages on #btw in case anyone can't see the obvious here this is a shitpost purely for gags #like this literally has zero to do with lore olympus so please don't take an ounce of it seriously #i know i shouldn't have to say that but i just know i'm gonna get messages in my inbox over this LOL #it's hilarious that persephone is a lightning rod for snobby diva girl characterizations like this #they really do just keep making her pink and mean #this is officially the dumbest thing i've ever posted fr #out of everything i'm going to hell for this is up there as the worst LMAO

[wolfofcelestia]

MDNI

Zayne, Dawnbreaker, Foreseer x MC

Breeding

NoStoryOnlyIdea.jpg

Disclaimer: The only exposure to Foreseer I’ve had is from secret times so he is VERY OOC!! Ignore all background plot regarding him!! This isn't about canon accuracy, this is about fucking around with three Zaynes!!

>>> Do not take any of this seriously lmao

Zayne used his surgical knots on MC to tie her wrists to the bed posts at her request

Z: “I knew you were insatiable but I wasn’t expecting a request like this. Are you sure you want to go through with this?”

MC: “I love you and want to feel more of you. Now I can.”

FS: “Meaning you weren’t enough for her, Doctor. Once I’m done with her, I’m afraid you’ll never be enough for her.”

Zayne shot MC a look that told her exactly how he felt about Foreseer but he kept his mouth shut. He was doing this for her and once she was satisfied, they would disappear from their lives

MC flashed Zayne a smile that was half apologetic, half appreciative of what he was willing to put up with

DB: “Do you really want to bear my child?”

Dawnbreaker sounded almost lost, completely unaware of MC’s lust, Foreseer’s rivalry, and the Doctor’s exasperation of his wife’s whims

Z: “Considering what she wants and considering we share the same DNA, the child’s father would be all three of us.”

Zayne sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. He still couldn't believe this was happening. This whole situation was completely absurd

FS: “DNA may tell you one thing, but would you be happy raising a child knowing your wife begged for me to impregnate her?”

Foreseer was the very embodiment of Zayne’s smugness and seeing it in front of him made him look away, again shooting a look at MC

Dawnbreaker didn't say anything, but a black ice shard began growing in his hand, seemingly to appear when his emotions were triggered by Foreseer's words

MC caught sight of this and called out his name, fearing this night of indulgent pleasure would end in death

MC: “Zayne!”

All three of them immediately turned their attentions to her, like trained dogs obeying their master. Despite being tied to the bed, she was unquestionably the one in charge of the bickering trio

The ice shard quickly disappeared from Dawnbreaker's hand and he shifted his body away from her, adjusting his tie awkwardly as he dealt with the guilt of upsetting MC, even just a little bit

Z: "Let's just get this over with so we can get rid of them."

There was a clear sense of unease in Zayne's voice as he spoke to MC. It was kind of hard to know how to act when you had two other versions of yourself right in front of you. And your wife wanted all three of you to fill her up until her body had no choice but to accept one of their seeds to conceive

FS: "I agree. Enough talk. This night will be very long and I intend for you to never forget the feeling of me making you cry out again and again tonight."

Z: "Did you think I was going to just let you monopolize her? Once you're spent, I'll show you how to satisfy her."

FS: "Look, she's already so pliant under my touch. You've been waiting for me, haven't you?"

As Zayne and Foreseer competed for control and positions with MC, Dawnbreaker stood back, a whirlwind of shock, hurt, and disbelief swirling in his mind

It was only when MC looked past Zayne and Foreseer to lock eyes with Dawnbreaker that he finally, slowly, hesitantly... approached the bed

#listen I don’t want kids but this man does things to my brain chemistry #blame anon for putting alt zayne babies in my head #this is literally the dumbest thing I've ever written #zayne love and deepspace #is this really gonna be the first thing in my foreseer tag lmao #dawnbreaker #foreseer #scenarios #love and deepspace

[fearandhatred]

okay i've had this theory stuck in my head for the past few days and i don't even think it's true but it would not leave my mind so i made it. here it is. does it make even the slightest bit of sense

if anyone knows how to ID this..... help

#fearandhatred #fearandmeta #no but do y'all get it tho. like do you get it #you see because if they really wanted to have a War they could have wanted to have equal power on both sides #so it's predetermined that exactly half would fall #and it would be a spectrum so the bottom 50% of the angels in terms of Goodness would be cast out #doesn't matter even if they're still actually good #would this theory hold up in canon? no probably not #but i've been thinking about this exact graph for DAYS and so i had to make it #this might be the funniest and dumbest thing i've ever done #good omens #good omens season 2 #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #crowley #aziraphale #demon crowley #fallen angels #good omens meta

[altarwaiting]

Wow I wonder what could have happened in the last 4 years that could prevent someone from traveling and creating large crowds across the world…some kind of global pandemic perhaps?

#this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever read like do I think Taylor is blameless not really but WHAT #personal

[steakout-05]

ahhh fucked up little six-nippled snake-handed spiritual dude covered in buffalo fur with heterochromia and a bird beak nose my beloved

oh YEAH? you only got ONE PEENEYE????

#xavier renegade angel #he's so fucked up and weird i love him #i have the entire argument he has with himself in shakashuri blowdown memorised word for word #you slumber a cucumber! you catch up on some zzz'eds you get outta my heads! #you snost you lost #that one isn't in the episode but it's so funny to say in his voice #a lot of things are funny to say in his voice #one time me and a friend were reading the entire ''does bruno mars is gay?'' website's pages in Xavier's voice #like it has multiple pages and all of the ones written by the ''does bruno mars is gay'' guy are all hilariously written #there's like 2 people running that website it's really funny #anyway...... xra funny you should go watch it if you like really surreal 3d animated shows that look like they come from a low budget- #-ps2 game with wordplay and a story that is simultaneously the dumbest and ridiculous and most clever thing you've ever heard #it has an episode where xavier's in a pickup truck getting chased by a sentient living explosion that used to be some kid's dad #and at the end of it he says ''they say when you die you shit your pants. not me. i'm gonna shit my heart out.'' and it's really funny #in the words of julius caesar: it's like lsd on acid! #sketch

[finalgrillwillgraham]

TELL ME MORE ABOUT THE MARINE ARCHIVES AU (I'm using the Eyes power to Compell you and it's working)

OKAY SO BASICALLY. I made this AU because of the dumbest pun imaginable, involving Helen and Melanie.

I’ll show the pun at the end of the post.

Under the cut is an assortment of fish character conversions and headcanons. :)

Melanie King: pufferfish.

Helen Distortion: I originally thought of her as an eel, but later on I changed her character to a catfish. Y’know. (as much as the Distortion can be one single species)

Michael Distortion: cuttlefish. They can change their colors/patterns to deceive prey!

Jonah Magnus: Malawi Eyebiter. This one might be self-explanatory, but I think it’s fun to picture little eyebiter Jonah living inside Eel-Elias’s head. speaking of which,

Elias Bouchard: Green Moray Eel. Did you know that green moray eels aren’t even actually green. How fucked up is that.

Jonathan Sims: Cuatros Ojos (Four Eyes). They technically only have two eyes, but their eyes are split so that they can see above and below the surface of the water!! I think they’re neat. They’re also known for refusing to die when they’re outside of the water and exposed to air.

Nikola Orsinov: clownfish. Pretty self-explanatory, I think.

NotThem: octopus. Slimy little bastards who mimic other animals.

Georgie Barker: jellyfish. It just feels right to me.

That’s as far as I’ve gotten with character conversions, but I also have some random headcanons:

During the fisheyepocalypse, holes in coral could be seen to have eyes peeking out of them.

Allegiances between entities are slightly different! For example:

The Dark and the Stranger kinda band together at the bottom of the ocean, and the Vast is extremely powerful.

The Buried has a lot more to do with water pressure, but many statements that would have been related to heavy rain or getting choked on water now have to do with suffocating on air underwater.

The Hunt now obviously has a lot more to do with underwater predators than wolves and things like that above water. They have more power in this fish world.

The Vast also has pretty easy prey, and avatars sometimes take the shape of very large creatures such as blue whales.

The Slaughter is probably not as powerful here, because I don’t know how many fish go to war with each other…

I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t look up spider fish because that sounds like nightmare fuel to me, but I know that they exist. They scuttle around on the floor, and that’s what the Web embodies itself as, instead of regular spiders.

I think that the Extinction might actually be more powerful here, and may have become a fully fledged Fear. Y’know, because of all the plastic, oil, and general trash that’s contaminating the ocean.

The Corruption probably has a similar influence, but maybe a little less potent because of the lack of hive-minded bugs (at least, I think there are no hive-bugs underwater. I don’t really want to look that up).

I think it’d be really funny if the Spiral just worked like normal, and it opened like, mini doors in coral for fish to swim through.

Although I guess in this AU, there needs to be some sort of institute and fish society. So yeah, the Distortion could function pretty similarly to canon TMA.

As for the Lonely, I think that would work pretty similarly (see above), but its famous fog might not work out underwater. Maybe it just makes the water go really still and cold, indicating the absence of other life-forms.

The Eye is one I’m not so sure about, but if we believe the previous (^^) statement, the Eye might function pretty similarly to canon.

Now I’m gonna include the joke that started this off in the first place, but bear in mind that this might be the dumbest thing I’ve ever thought of….

Fish!Helen: What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fish!Melanie: ... Fish!Helen: A fsh! :)

(I’ll tag you because I know that tumblr can be weird about answered asks. @samwise1548 )

#its okay the pun is pretty much the dumbest thing ever #but i like this au lol #damn i guess the eye really did compel me because this might be the longest post i’ve ever written #tma #the marine archives #tma au #ALSO im sorry for the ass formatting; tumblr just will not work with me

[nedlittle]

[alt]

2x21 "crisis" really is a perfect episode

#mash #i cannot BELIEVE the plot of this episode was really it's cold and we need to snuggle for warmth #the supply line got cut off so we need communal sleepovers for Morale Reasons #it's PERFECT! #i just know frank is that kid who's like 'can we please be quiet and go to sleep' #frank thinks they're gonna get in trouble if they're too loud #i'm going to finish s2 today and i really enjoyed it overall! #i think it's stronger than s1 (understandably) and the episodes have more rewatchability #however on the other hand there episodes like for want of a boot and as you were that feel like all set up and no payoff #similarly dear dad 3 didn't really feel committed to the epistolary format and didn't do anything interesting or meaningful with it #also bc i am a person who loves spoilers and context i know what happens to henry so every passing episode i am filled with dread #that's my DAD what do you MEAN he's gonna get shot down over the sea of japan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #also mclean stevenson is giving possibly my favourite performance. he's just Saying things by accident #not one word in his mouth has ever been there on purpose he is possessed by the spirit of your dumbest uncle #i'm still lukewarm on trapper. the vulture instinct i feel on account of him looking like buddy the elf has settled #i no longer want to tear that man to shreds out of primal rage i only wish he'd get his own plot & a more distinct personality #those are all my thoughts rn #i have to bribe myself with the Very Special Gay Episode so i can finish this cover letter #id in alt text

[tacagen]

wait. did i really not make an appreciation post for the Thought Process going on on these pages??

#again. its like watching your dumb fuck of an orange cat son finally get his turn with the Brain Cell. look at him go. im so proud of him. #baby's first thoughts!! #man we really dont get to see him think much. especially That rationally. #like. what else do we have. narrating of his timeline changes and the processing of almost erasing himself by the dumbest action ever which #is like. the exact opposite of whats going on in dfp. + explaining his death-rebirth thing + 'private tour' in rs but those are neutral #'he can fly... look up' *insane cheering like im a man in a sports bar watching his team strike on goal* #eobard thawne #reverse flash #professor zoom #the flash #tales from the dark multiverse: flashpoint (2020)

[mermaidsirennikita]

always wild to see people freak out over dark romance novels when you know they're also like... Spuffy shippers? or something along those lines?

I mean, I have no issue with that lmao, I've had ships that are on the same level, but I don't know, it's just like... are you romanticizing the thing you're shipping to the point that you don't recognize its own darkness, or are you fully aware of that and just knowingly hypocritical?

#romance novel blogging #every week twitter declares that society is crumbling because of silly dark romance novels #and usually not even the REAL dark shit lmao #and every week it is the dumbest moral panic i've ever seen #but yeah dude it when you can literally see people with the WILDEST ships handwringing that i get really confused #like okay so the books are undermining women #but the women falling in love with their attempted rapists onscreen... are not.................. #and to clarify to me it's just a quality of the work thing; the content itself there doesn't concern me #I MYSELF do not think spuffy as an example was handled well and the context of joss being who he is #retroactively makes it worse than a dark romance written by some random very normal lady keying into common fantasies #like mitzie or heather or whoever doesn't want to go out there and assault someone. probably #whereas joss..................... #wasn't allowed to be alone in a room w a teenage girl #and that isn't every showrunner ofc but a lot of visual representations of trauma #and romanticizations of these relationships onscreen are often written by people of the same gender as the perpetrator #whereas dark romance is often written by women--sometimes even women working out their own shit #and idk i'm kind of making that realization in real time as two why one bugs me more than the other #PERSONALLY speaking #and ofc that doesn't absolve women of handling SA whether it's romanticized or not badly #and CERTAINLY sa is not inherent to dark romance #which i think is a common misconception #dark romance in terms of genre is not 'rape and abuse as romance' it's honestly pretty broad #ANYWAY. thoughts over #just focus on the people who are actually preying on others plsthx

[maddy-ferguson]

failed my driving test twice, no actual friends in college, applied to a cool thing and was rejected, no bitches...thank god i'm seeing goodfellas in theaters in a few days because what do i have going for me rn

#the only ones who understand me are cher horowitz and pacey witter. and pacey got his driver's license later (i don't remember but #like i'm sure he did lmao) we don't know if that'll ever happen to me #what's annoying is i still don't think i'm a bad driver. delusions of grandeur maybe. but like yes for like 30mn after i failed the second #time i cried like while walking to the bus stop (i only saw like three people because YEAH it takes like an hour for me to go to the place #where you take the test like it's so annoying i have to take 2-3 different buses AND THEN i don't even have it. plus the money...) and #i was like you are the dumbest bitch ever but it's not because i don't feel capable it's because i DO and i make dumb avoidable mistakes #like it's just very frustrating #talked about the no friends at school thing like a month ago. we were together on wednesday and it's actually not as bad as it felt the day #i posted that but i don't hang out with them outside of school and don't want to is my point. they're like acquaintances that i'm not sure #i like #the thing i applied to i really wanted after i failed my test i was like i need ONE GOOD THING to happen to me this month and then i was #like no i can't post that because what if i don't get it. well #no bitches is self-explanatory #and goodfellas in theaters is real remember when it was already playing earlier this year but there was only one showing and i couldn't go #and i was so annoyed. there's three this time and i could even go to all three if i wanted to. one scorsese movie every monday at 1 from #now on for me please #and like i say: brf slt

[bitegore]

is there a single star wars fan who has ever had any experiences with delusions. at all

#'ooohhhhhh anakin is believable at the end of the prequels because he sounds really confident when he speaks but he shouldn't' yeah thats #what a delusion will do to you bby you will not sound unconfident when you are 100% convinced of the truth of the batshit things you think #red rambles #i've got to stop looking at star wars posts #uniformly they're the dumbest shit ive ever seen #'oh if they wanted us to really believe anakin was delusional he shouldn't have sounded so confident' babe.

[supemaeve]

Look, I'm kind of busy, so, maybe give me a call... call first, next time?

#queen maeve #elena the boys #the boys #maevelena #this one is just for me basically lol #because stopping a mugging is one of the dumbest things maeve has said and it makes me laugh #and because i've been extra obssesed with these two as a couple the past few days more than usual #and because this is probably one of if not the last gifset i make in a looong while and i wanted this one specifically #even if is a far from happy moment lol #it is a sad moment in context #she's such a mess :( #but this is the first time ever we saw them interact!!! #I live for Elena's face the entire scene she really won the most patient person prize here #maeve #elena #my gifs

[violentlyexplosive]

Souda Kazuichi he/him lesbian bottom confirmed

#danganronpa #soda kazuichi #kazuichi souda #sdr2 kazuichi #sdr2 #this is the dumbest fucking thing I've ever made #but i was replaying sdr2 the other day and noticed my boy (girl) flagging!?!?!? #(this is a joke btw) #(but also not really it's kinda cute) #he/him lesbian #mspec lesbian

[foxgloveinspace]

If you think cars don’t grant freedom you live in a city, don’t leave the city, and don’t plan on leaving the city.

I live in the middle of freaking No Where, and if I didn’t have a car it wouldn’t be ‘inconvenient’ to get to work, I wouldn’t be able to get to work, cause the walk is 3 hours to the nearest town.

You don’t think outside of your situation.

#I don’t have a job rn but we are gonna ignore that for this post #(it’s a complicated situation) #anyway. not everyone wants to live in a fucking city either #should cities be better for people who don’t have cars? YES!! absolutely!! #but you are not thinking outside your situation if you think Cars Don’t Grant Freedom. or that they aren’t necessary for a lot of people. #sorry I saw a reel last night that really pissed me off #cars are great! I’m tired of people saying they aren’t! #I love cars I love driving!! could they be better?? yes. is the government actively keeping us from moving forward? yes no contest #but to say that cars aren’t necessary is the dumbest thing I have ever heard #im not gonna leave this post up long👍🏻 #edit: yes I am!! I am gonna leave this post up fuck it