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#International Read to Me Day
gildedbearediting · 3 months
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International Read to Me Day
It’s March 19th which means that it’s International Read to Me Day. A day that I certainly enjoy now. A few years back, I wouldn’t have been able to say such a thing. I would’ve laughed and said that I’d rather read the story, the book, whatever the material was myself. I would’ve been hard-pressed for knowing a narrator, voice actor, and the likes that I passionately gravitated towards. With…
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maninmauve · 3 months
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International Read to Me Day
With International Read to Me Day coming up on March 19th, I’m reminded of a goal that I had in mind for myself when I started my site. I had planned on narrating classical works, and perhaps even my own. It wasn’t a lofty goal that was on daunting heights, but rather something that I could work towards. Something that I could build on, and work on as I get myself settled into an online…
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salmon slammin'.....soon.....
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yardsards · 27 days
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i needed to express a sentiment in the creative stylings of @dunmeshiminimumwage
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#eliot posts#dunme#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi#sorry to put toshiro in the roll of shitty job interviewer lmao#but he was the best fit for ''guy that wants me to read their mind''#laios being my internal monologue here#i was on my THIRD interview of the day i was Dying#tho since the prev two interviews i had were for similar positions and told me their salaries outright at least i could use that number#(though tbh my work persona is more of a kabru. my customer service voice is unparalleled)#(at my first job even my coworkers thought i was sooo cheerful til i got too comfy and casually made a joke abt wanting to asphyxiate on a#plastic shopping bag like a sea turtle. in front of my sweet elderly coworker. oops!)#(also this job was during quarantine and after weeks of working together i took my mask off in front of one coworker for the first time#and she called like half the department over from their registers to look at how pretty i was??? prettyboy powers unmatched ig)#(also my first interview today went SO well i charmed that interviewer so good despite my lack of qualifications)#(she even complimented my social skills and said i seemed like the type who could get along well and make good conversation with anyone!)#(which is important bc i was interviewing for an elder care position. also old people especially tend to think i am a Delightful Young Lad)#(unless i accidentally make a morbid joke around them ig lmaooo. or. well. some of them like those too. but not that one coworker lol)#(if only that skill transferred over to actually making friends irl. my autistic ass has so few close irl connections)#(i hope my exceedingly short list of character references does not prevent me from getting hired)#AND ALSO my first job asked the same wage question and i said twelve dollars#and they were like all our new employees start at 7.75#the union insists that we pay all new employees a whopping 50 cents above min wage. (we'd pay less if we could)#like dawg why did you ask that then??? if my answer did not matter at all???
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reblogglelog · 10 months
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Sad Boy Hours: Billy Batson
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He's trying so hard to get the screaming adults in the room to just stop screaming at each other and be reasonable.
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He is immediately dismissed and storms off, justifiably insulted.
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And Billy goes right back to blaming himself, trying to figure out where he went wrong, how he could have fixed things, managed the emotions of the room better--even though he is 100% correct and the adults are absolutely failing, and badly.
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"Even if he's wrong...I should respect him." Honey, the thing that's eating at you is the absolute dogshit way they act and then expect you to just accept as normal. These grown-ass heroes should not be hitting each other.
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And a degree, honey. Several of them.
He sounds like a teacher trying to get the class to behave and that script keeps failing him. Over and over the adults around him dismiss him for his optimism, ignore his calls for reason. And they're heroes. They're the good guys and they tear into each other regularly and viciously. And Billy is fifteen years old in a room of adults screaming at each other. The team is sometimes down right abusive, and this child is trying to keep them from falling apart.
I worry about him, ya know?
(anyway, thank you for coming to my Sad Boy Hours)
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qbicearth · 9 months
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when your "girl best friend" and your (ex) boyfriend are both hot heads, green and have green powers and want to kill eachother
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sergle · 10 months
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girl do not internalize negative anons right now. trash doesn’t suddenly matter just bc you feel like you’re in the gutter
I'm Calm. I am UnBothered
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hootiee · 6 months
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how different are the anime and manga? are there certain things you like about one more than the other?
very different, like night and day. i'll leave season 2 (kyoto saga) aside and just talk about season 1, since the movie is a side/non-canon story (i really love it tho) and season 2 is like 90% canon (minus the last episode with that scene where rin & yukio talked. in the manga it was a whole mini arc with them talking to eachother amidst a fight with high tension, rather than them just chilling by a river lmao)
the most apparent scene that was different from the anime & manga was the first chapter/episode 1-2, where shiro died. the anime made it into a pretty fascinating & exciting intro to the series, with rin getting hired as a grocery store clerk, and ending with a battle against demons coming after him. where the manga, while still at its core having the same important moments (rin looking for a job, having delinquents jump him, and shiro getting possessed), it was really just a sad scene with no one except himself, shiro & satan bearing witness to the events of that night. out of fear he caused his father's possession/death, he never speaks about it to anyone. so no one really knows how that night unfolded. unlike the anime having the priests see everything (kinda awkwardly) and then later yukio showing up.
the manga really expands upon & fleshes out the characters, whereas the anime (s1) really.. flanderizes them. i think yukio is the most painful example, he is very much not the irrational "all demons are evil" kinda guy, hes truly just a kid indoctrinated into the exorcists mindset since he was 7, but the anime never really showed how nuanced and deep he is, so he became a punching bag for people to easily/mindlessly hate. also, he is NOT a half demon like rin. he's fully human just with some..Peculiarities lol (iykyk)
anyways, blue exorcist truly shines as a slow burn story, we are 145 chapters in (with the next chapter being just a few days away) and have only just now touched upon the aspects that the final parts of season 1 showed. but it is completely different, in almost every aspect. yet you can still see the resemblances to the anime, i wont get too into it for spoilers, but yk the scene with rin's sword breaks? in the anime they repaired it & everything was fine again. but in the manga, rin permanently changes from it abruptly being broken. for better and worse. afterwards, it becomes a whole underlying character arc.
season 1 was like the story's blueprint, its building blocks in a sense. the manga is truly where it shines, letting the characters grow and each have their own moments & developments before things get really heated within it's world.
it also divulges into the lore in almost a philosophical level: what really are demons & humans, are they truly so different from eachother? with rin being the focus of this question as people say he is Both human and demon and yet simultaneously being Neither at the same time.
the world building becomes expanded upon, by leaps and bounds. we see how the order/exorcists really operate. we find out What demons truly are, and their real reasons to be against humans. we find out what really happened during the blue night and what lead up to that. the world feels more open & wide, and everything feels so intertwined.
it also touches upon some VERY dark and heavy subjects, becoming more and more dark as it progresses. from mental illness, trauma & generational trauma to war, suicide, human experiments & corrupt organizations. and yet despite this darkness it still sends a good message that despite things being bad, its still worth it to keep living. and the author just knows the perfect moments to grab people by their heartstrings with it.
s1 is not Bad per-se, sometimes im harsh on it due to me personally being obsessed with the manga's canon. it does have its cute filler scenes (i actually love that rin got a grocery job in episode 1) and its pretty enjoyable as a cute fluffy feel-good anime. i first watched the anime+movie as a kid in 2015 and loved it, but it felt like it had far more potential. which is where the manga DELIVERED, by leaps and bounds.
however, now that the anime is focused on adapting it faithfully, this will change within the future. especially once get more canon episodes compared to the vast amount of manga content lol. but until then, i suggest to check out the manga 🫡
TL;DR: this is the anime vs the manga (in a good way LOL)
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zeb-z · 9 months
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ok listen. you're badboyhalo and having the worst week of your life. you're willing and wanting to give anything, anything, to get your kids back. forever, your crush/enemy/friend/date partner?/ president sits you down and asks you to marry him. he's on a drug that makes him manically happy and has an extreme level of brainwashing for federation purposes.
you consider for the briefest moment saying yes, because you're drowning in your grief and hard in bargaining, but it won't do anything to help bring the eggs back, forever doesn't know anything. forever wants the eggs back as much as you do, the real one at least, you know this.
you're surrounded by roses. you ask him what you can do to help him, what he needs, asking the forever that you know is in there somewhere. any other personal feelings aside, he's your friend and he clearly needs help. he asks you to marry him again. he tells you to stop making some noise that he's clearly hearing through auditory hallucination. you just want your kids back, you keep telling him this, until he snaps and starts shooting mines under both of you.
forever is still out of his mind. your kids are still missing. the roses are burning.
bad said no to the proposal, of course he did. that's not forever, the kids are gone, this is no time or place for such a thing even if forever was himself. but I don't think forever asked because he feels "opposite than what he usually feels" under the pills. he's manic and under the influence and half brainwashed - he wants every day to be the best day.
and how heartbreaking is that? that bad is only being proposed to while forever is out of his mind. that forever wants bad to say yes because that would make the day the best day ever for him. that under any other circumstances, on that bench with the roses all around them, it might have been something good?
#idk man like take this with a grain of salt too know but l'm taking a stand against every twt user that's been annoying me with their takes#you can't view all of this under a purely platonic lense because of the way they've been playing their characters. you also can't see it as#oh forever finally proposed!' because he's not! it's a whole fucked situation there's nuance and complications and so many factors#like don't be upset bad said no forever is clearly not himself? and who knows if he would even say yes in the first place?#but also on the opposite side like chill out? they've never been read as purely platonic? it's all fucked yeah don't be weirdly like#idk it's the people who are like that's fucked up and you're fucked up for watching it' with no media literacy. like yeah we're all aware#anyways. my view is that they've got incredibly complicated feelings towards eachother. forever would be happiest marrying bad#bad might not say yes under normal circumstances because again they've got a whole complex situation. he isn't sure of his own feelings on a#good day#idk. I need to write an essay about this and what bads internal monologue or thoughts might have been because#it's like. he's angry at forever. he has feelings for forever. he doesn't want to be with him but he doesn't want him with anyone else#there's a world where he could marry forever and be happy. but not here and not like this. idk#these are my interpretations at least!#either way the whole bench scene was phenomenal well done#z speaks#qsmp#mcyt#bbh#forever#q!bbh#q!forever#reposting this so my organizational tags work ✌️#4halo
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rotisseries · 5 months
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inspired by elli's poll lol cause this seems fun actually but if you guys have bad answers I'll kill myself on your doorstep or smth
#“rori all of these are your faves how can there be a bad answer” well I still have an internal ranking on some of these#and if all of you pick an option that I think pales in comparison to the others. well. hm#I know what's gonna sweep though because two of these are niche as hell and 4 maybe 5 of these are things you people don't follow me for#fun fact I actually had to scrape my brain to make sure I couldn't come up with any more#I am unintentionally very picky on what is a favorite apparentlyyyy#I also just don't watch/read enough stuff these days so there's that#AND I NEED LONG TERM EXPOSURE TO KNOW THEY'RE STICKING AROUND#so like. I have some options but I don't KNOWWW if they're sticking yet#but this feels like such a small poll lmao#also no sapphics on here this is actually cause I hate women-#NO. JOKING. zelink is here. I almost put gideon and harrow but I'm in a perpetual state of not having finished tlt#and I couldn't put nebetta and darya I was drawing the line at 2 tbos ships. well. actually. changed my mind#not editing these tags actually you guys can see my thought process#WAIT AND SAYMARI. FUCK. I LITERALLY MADE A PLAYLIST FOR THEM I LOVE THEMMM#ok. is 4 tbos ships too many. hmm#I said 2 of these are niche now four of these are niche it's really the “which tbos pairing is your fave” poll#THIS POLL IS SO FUNNY IT'S SO SELF INDULGENT I HAVE TO TAKE OUT AT LEAST ONE TBOS SHIP#I should add one more general one...#cause I do actually want genuine and varied answers I gotta give y'all options so they don't all pool at the first two#I also almost put ellie and abby on here.. that would've been so funny four popular 1 rarepair 3 super niche ships#ellie and abby are soooo interesting to me though so of course the thought of them having something horrible going on together compels me#and they are one of my 3 favorited ao3 tags... they deserve a place...#ok well while I debate on that I'm putting akutagawa and atsushi on here I admittedly have only had like two months of exposure to them#but it is enough I can tell they are so crazy to me#the way my tags are just me overthinking everything on what is supposed to be a fun and silly poll... no one does it like me I'm afraid
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windydrawallday · 3 months
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FEEL YOUR SKIN
One-shot comic from the past year about my experiences coping with gender dysphoria and assigned binary roles. Feat my birdsona Maggie and Acantho (early design, changed a bit since then).
… practically I'm baring my heart and brain here; also my views are not facts, I know talking about these themes in public can help others to realize and reflect on their own views. Something I find pleasant and one of my main objectives when sharing my comics!
From my side: I always felt uneasy about my gender because, since my teenage days, I saw how different girls were treated than boys. Because I was a "girl" I needed to look like this or that to be treated like one and UGH.
I felt sad and angry with myself for not falling properly into my assigned label so I practically rejected all of it to the point of hating everything "femme" coded… I was so wrong.
It wasn't the fault of the label, the clothes, aesthetics, colors, etc, or even the roles but of society for imposing them without any flexibility or room to question and reinvent them.
The script for this comic is from October 2022 during a time when I was questioning if I was non-binary and--. I thought: if someday I wish to use that label, first I need to make peace with this other part of me. And in the next months, that's what I tried to do and I found I didn't hate it as I used to do.
That doesn't mean I will go back to it by default just that now I understand and cherish its existence as another option for me to choose when I feel like it! And even… I want to let some traits of it be part of my new gender expression in the future.
And to keep admiring and loving people that surround me and identify with it.
And because I have gotta admit: IT FEELS SO GOOD TO JUST BE SEXY FOR YOURSELF.
Feel your skin: make it yours from the inside out!
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sylver-drawer · 10 months
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The wmmap fandom made (and still does) me so confused about their opinions on Jennette (both her novel and manhwa counterparts). Is she too naive and forgiving, or is she too ignorant and selfish? I’ve heard so many opinions about her from manhwa and novel readers that I literally can’t tell whether they actually think that or just don’t care enough about her character to see past their own prejudices.
There’s so many novel readers who bash on her and say she’s dumb and stupid every chance they get, but there are also novel readers who say she’s realistic and acted normally (I also thought she wasn’t as bad as I kept hearing after finally reading it).
There are and were so many manhwa readers who said she was selfish and willfully ignorant about others, but others (including me) who think she’s actually hypersensitive to others and is very in touch with her own and others’ emotions. I get people’s interpretations can be different, but to such big degrees between so many people about the same character??? Like there’s gotta be something weird right???
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happi-tree · 3 months
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heart, liver, and other matters of the body
Each morning, Lincoln takes in the face in the mirror, and sometimes, he likes what he sees.
Other times, Link glances over the wide eyes done up in borrowed eyeliner, the jawline that seems too square, too sharp today, frets at the broad slope of shoulders, the indelicate scarred brow and callused hands and battered, ashy knees, tries to sculpt the features there into something more feminine with willpower alone.
Or: Lincoln tries on a dress for the first time and comes out to her boyfriend.
ao3
Here's my Swiftli Week fic for Day 6: Secrets! 🤫 I did some research for this one, and it was lots of fun. Hope you enjoy!
(P.S. A little context for the title: xīn’gān - Mandarin term of affection which literally translates to “heart and liver” but is equivalent to “heart and soul” or “my everything” in English. Implies that, like a heart or liver, this partner is something one cannot live without.)
Lincoln Li-Wilson is buzzing with nervous energy all throughout their shopping date.
Link’s boyfriend, Taylor, can clearly tell that something’s off (he’s let his emotions show more plainly over the past few months, but he’s always been observant, always cared, and that makes Link smile fondly).
Lincoln runs a hand along the racks of clothes, distracting anxious nerves through the textures and colors, and graciously, Taylor doesn’t ask.
Not yet , a voice in Lincoln’s head says, only to be batted away by Taylor’s hand brushing against his own as they sift through the clothes together.
The mall doesn’t see a lot of traffic, these days - hasn’t seen a lot of traffic since their parents were teenagers, to be honest - so it almost feels like they have the place to themselves.
It’s nice, Link thinks while thumbing through the hangers, stopping on a flash of buttercup yellow. 
It feels soft against the skin, weighty enough to be substantial but not stifling, and the silhouette…
Lincoln takes the garment off the rack, adds it to the others.
Today, today, I’m gonna tell him today, Link repeats like a mantra, disguising nervous, shaking hands by flapping them a little. 
“All good, qīn?” Taylor asks, meeting eyes over the rack, and Lincoln’s heart flutters a little at the affectionate name.
After learning how much Link enjoys terms of endearment, Taylor’s insisted on using Mandarin pet names, citing that they still keep up his “cool and slick” reputation in public. Lincoln frankly thinks it’s pretty silly, since anyone with eyes can tell how sappy Taylor is when it comes to…
“Mm,” Link nods. It isn’t a lie, but it isn’t exactly the truth either. “Gonna try these on.”
“Awesome, man!” Taylor replies, and Lincoln doesn’t even flinch. “Want me to, uh, join you in there?” he asks, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.
The offer is very tempting, Link won’t lie, and definitely something they’ve done before - though the trying-on-clothes part historically has the tendency to be abandoned in favor of making out.
“Not today, shǎguā,” Lincoln tells him, voice kept purposefully light and teasing. “You’re gonna have to wait this time.”
“Boo. Have it your way, but I’m definitely sitting on one of those little benches so you can model for me! Plus, my legs could use the break.”
Satisfied, Link leads them through the maze of racks, tries not to dwell on things as they enter the changing rooms marked MEN.
True to his word, Taylor takes up his post on one of the cushioned benches in one of the alcoves, taking out his phone to scroll once he clocks which room Lincoln’s picked.
Link steps in, closes the door, breathes out, and comes face-to-face with the figure in the mirror.
Lincoln’s hair has grown out in the last year or so - rather than being buzzed at the sides, the curls now end around jawline length, depending on how they’re styled.
Taylor visits Hell more frequently, now that things have calmed a little, and Link’s gone with him, asked Terry a bunch of questions about upkeep and styling and braiding that were probably a little too much all at once but were met with enthusiasm and more in-depth answers than what YouTube had to offer. 
Link brushes back a few stray twists, meticulously dotted with colored beads and gold cuffs, complemented by the gold flowers dangling from each earlobe and the gold eyeshadow at the inner corners of each eye.
Satisfied, Lincoln begins trying things on, breezing through a graphic Garfield sweatshirt (comfy, but not big enough), a pair of joggers (right size, but the fabric feels a little weird), and an oversized tee shirt (soft and just roomy enough, definitely something to buy).
There’s just one last thing to try.
Carefully, Link takes off the shirt, hangs it back up, pulls on the last article of clothing, shimmies out of the gym shorts from underneath it.
Lincoln fumbles with the side zipper for a little, worried for the briefest moment that it wouldn’t fit around the torso, but manages to get the hang of it, clasps the hook and eye at the top edge awkwardly into place.
Link smooths down the fabric at the hips with nervous hands, then finally allows for a glance upward.
Lincoln stares. And stares.
Someone unfamiliar stares back. But it’s a good unfamiliar, a right unfamiliar.
Link has practiced saying the words in the mirror before, has felt how the shapes of them formed on the tongue, has spoken them into being in whispered, low tones. Link has treated it the same way as practicing his facial expressions, a daily ritual, trying to figure out how to show the right emotions, making sure they look and feel correct on the face as well as in the heart.
Each morning, Lincoln takes in the face in the mirror, and sometimes, he likes what he sees. 
Other times, Link glances over the wide eyes done up in borrowed eyeliner, the jawline that seems too square, too sharp today, frets at the broad slope of shoulders, the indelicate scarred brow and callused hands and battered, ashy knees, tries to sculpt the features there into something more feminine with willpower alone.
On those days, like this morning, Lincoln tries out the words again, mouths them out once more in the present. 
She. Her. 
And they feel real, feel as true as if she had just taken a whiff of that blue power from the FBI.
Sometimes, they don’t fit, just like he and him don’t feel right, sometimes, like a shirt with the wrong texture, a bite of food that’s a little too mushy. 
But sometimes, like right now, they fit Lincoln like a glove. 
They fit her like this dress. 
The bodice hugs Link’s torso, and though it’s painfully obvious that her upper body is all boxes and angles and no curves, she finds that she doesn’t mind too much.
Straps, about the width of two fingers, tie off in elegant bows that rest at the midpoint between her neck and shoulders, drawing emphasis to her collarbones in a way that makes them look almost delicate. Link frowns a bit at the way the neckline makes her shoulders look so wide. 
The light yellow fabric goes phenomenally well with her complexion in a way that makes her dark, freckled skin nearly glow, and the texture is a little stiffer than she’s used to, but it has a nice thickness to it and doesn’t chafe against her skin, with enough give that she instinctively knows wouldn’t hinder her range of motion. 
The skirt is full, gathered fabric flaring out around her hips and stopping a few inches above her knees, though she thinks it was probably meant to be a longer dress on someone with shorter legs.
She twists around in it, trying to catch a glimpse of different angles, and the way the hemline flutters around her thighs is completely alien to her, but she thinks she likes it.
She feels feminine. Girly. Is girly.
Lincoln feels like a girl. She is one.
“Link, you okay?” Taylor’s voice is muffled through the door, and there’s a small shadow beneath it, followed by a half-hearted little knock. 
Shit.
“You’ve been in there awhile.”
Fuck, has she? Maybe she got a little too carried away staring and lost track of time.
Link wracks her brain for a proper response, a yeah, I’m okay or yes, I’m fine, I’ll be out in a minute , but they get stopped up in her throat as she realizes that she’s still wearing the dress and she hasn’t come out to him yet like she planned to.
“Is it okay if I come in? No funny business, I just wanna make sure you’re okay.”
Shit shit shit shit shit. 
Taylor wears dresses and skirts all the time, it’ll be fine, he won’t be weirded out by it, Lincoln attempts to rationalize. It doesn’t really work, so she tries to speak again.
“‘M fine,” is all that comes out, high-pitched but not in a pretty way.
“You don’t sound fine,” Taylor argues, voice softened out at the edges so that it doesn’t sound accusatory. “Can I please come in?”
Link squints her eyes shut against it all and nods minutely, then realizes that Taylor can’t see her and manages a shaky “Yes.”
“Okay,” he says, and Link hears the door creak open, then shut, hears Taylor’s quiet footfalls.
“So, can I -? Woah .”
Cautiously, Link opens her eyes to see Taylor shaking off an expression of… bewilderment? Confusion? Curiosity? 
“Sorry, sorry,” he says, “I’m just - I wasn’t expecting - you look really pretty, dude.”
Feeling a little too overexposed, too raw, too much, Link can’t help the way she flinches. 
“Oh, baby,” Taylor says, sadness evident in his voice, and Link hates the sound of it, hates that she made him that way. “Can I touch you?”
Not trusting her voice, Link nods, and her boyfriend steps closer, winds an arm around her back, and she melts into his hold, crumbles into his familiar warmth. 
“You’re crying,” he observes quietly, reaching with his other hand to thumb away a tear, and Lincoln hadn’t even registered the wetness spilling down her cheeks until he mentioned it. 
“I’m fine, I promise.” Link’s voice sounds a little too deep to her own ears, discordant with the girl in the mirror, and another tear slips out anyway. “Just… overwhelmed?”
“Okay,” Taylor says, “We can work with that, xīn’gān.”
Xīn’gān , Lincoln thinks, heart and liver, my everything . Taylor only uses that when he’s serious.
“Can you tell me what you’re thinking?” he asks.
“It’s silly,” Link starts, then continues before Taylor can refute it. “I just… it’s hard, and I’ve been meaning to tell you, I promise, I just… couldn’t figure out when or how.”
She laughs a little, then, high-strung and nervous.
Lincoln pulls away, glances at their reflections, and Taylor’s eyes follow hers. 
“You’re not, uh, breaking up with me in this dressing room, right?” 
“No,” she says, a little too loud. “No,” she repeats, forcing her voice softer, higher. “This is a good thing, I swear, it’s just…” “Hard?” Taylor asks.
“Mm.”
Lincoln inhales shakily, reaches for Taylor’s hand, and Taylor latches them together, gives them a light squeeze.
God, she’s so lucky to have him.
Her free hand fists in the fabric of the dress, and she squeezes her eyes shut. 
“I think I’m trans.”
She said it. There’s no taking it back now.
Taylor’s thumb runs along the side of her hand. “That’s amazing, babe. I’m so proud of you,” he says, and Link knew in the back of her mind that her boyfriend would always be supportive, but that last irrational bit of fear finally vaporizes. 
Lincoln opens her eyes, and Taylor’s looking at her with so much open affection that it makes her eyes water up with tears again, and she brushes them away.
“I’m not… I still like being a guy, sometimes,” She says, the words leaving her in a rush, “but sometimes I feel more like a girl? And sometimes it’s a little bit of both?”
“That’s cool,” Taylor says with another encouraging squeeze to their joined hands.
“I think I might be… bigender?” Link tells him, and wow, it’s so nice to hear the word aloud, to tell someone. “Or maybe genderfluid? Genderqueer, definitely.”
“Thank you for telling me,” Her boyfriend says with a smile, looking a little misty-eyed himself. “Coming out’s really fucking nerve-wracking, isn’t it?”
“No kidding.”
“Is Link still okay to use?”
“I think so, yeah,” Lincoln responds, and she’s thought quite a bit about it. Despite how masculine her full name is, Link still likes it a lot. Maybe she’d find something later, but for now, she’s content with it.
“I, um,” Lincoln stutters, a little unsure of how to word it. “Is it alright if you use she/ her for me today? I still like he/him, but… feminine feels better right now.”
“Of course. Speaking of feminine, this dress looks fantastic on you.”
“Really?” Link asks, twisting a little and glancing back at the mirror, grateful to see that her makeup still looks okay.
“Really. You should buy it! If you like it, too, of course.”
“I do,” She confirms, wiping up the last of her tears, letting go of Taylor’s hand to pat her face dry with the backs of her palms. “I really do.”
“Did you do a little spin yet?” There’s a fond excitement in Taylor’s eyes as he looks her up and down - not just appraisingly, but lovingly.
She shakes her head.
“Trust me, it’s the best part. I know these things.”
Lincoln spins around a little, curious, and the way the dress floats around her, the way the fabric laps against her legs like waves - it’s addictive and oddly freeing. She twirls a little faster, reveling in the feel of it, and a smile stretches wide on her face as she lets out a little whoop of excitement.
“This is amazing, Tay!”
“It’s great, right?” 
Link comes to a stop, her dress still in motion from the force of her whirling, and she’s giddy as the fabric swooshes, then settles.
“Yeah. Wow, I kinda never wanna take this off.” She smooths her hands down her sides and over her waist, looking up again at her reflection.
She looks happy.
Lincoln is happy - really, truly, incandescently happy, in a way she doesn’t think she’s felt in a long, long time. 
“You do kinda need to take it off to buy it, though,” Taylor says. “As much as I love how gorgeous you look in it.”
“Guess so,” Link says, already dreading changing back. Maybe she can convince Taylor to help her out of the dress - with minimal making out. Maybe. 
“Have you told anyone else?” Taylor asks her, dispersing Lincoln’s brief fantasies.
Link shakes her head. “I thought about telling Dad, but, well, he’d want to tell Grant… things are still a little rocky between us, but, like, I still love him, and I don’t wanna hurt his feelings by not telling him directly? Does that even make sense?” “It does, I think,” Taylor says. 
“I’m gonna tell Normal and Scary, soon, obviously.”
“Obviously.”
“And… I was thinking of talking to Hermie about… this. Gender,” Lincoln confesses, though she still cringes at the thought of it. She didn’t like to admit it to herself, but they probably knew a lot more about gender nonconformity than Link’s figured out through her own research.
“Mm, my auncle probably has some good insights, even if the two of you don’t really get along,” Taylor muses, seemingly on a similar train of thought.
“She's probably not gonna make fun of me, right?”
Her boyfriend’s eyes gleam with demonic light even in the weird fluorescent lighting of the changing room, brows furrowed, and Lincoln’s stomach does a funny little flip at the expression. “Link,” He says seriously, “If they’re even the slightest bit mean about it, I’m fucking his shit up on sight. I don’t care if we’re related - Nobody messes with my girlfriend.”
My girlfriend, Link’s mind plays back, loops it like a broken record as something shining and effervescent floods the cavities of her lungs. My girlfriend, my girlfriend, I’m his girlfriend . 
Lincoln must not be making the right face, because Taylor hastily tacks on, “W-who is also my boyfriend! Sometimes?”
He blinks up at her, brows tilted upwards in concern, a silent are you okay? and god, Link is so, so happy that she lets out a little huff of laughter.
“No, no, it’s not that, I just… I didn’t realize how much I’d like hearing you say that.”
“Oh?” A shit-eating grin forms on her boyfriend’s face, and before she can do anything about it, he’s reaching up to cup her cheek in his hand. “I have the most beautiful, gorgeous girlfriend in the world. I adore her big brown eyes, her pretty hair, her stunning smile… oh, my god, look at that, there it is, my girlfriend’s smile.”
“Stop,” Link says, half-hearted and breathless, so much heat rushing to her dimpled cheeks that Taylor, even with his demonic heritage, can probably feel it. And she would look down, but she’d only meet Taylor’s smug, knowing smirk, and that would only make her more ridiculously happy.
Taylor moves his hands to her waist, squeezes at her sides, and though she’s sure he’s continuing his goofy little litany, she’s a little too overwhelmed by sheer exhilaration to make out most of it. 
Not quite sure what to do with all her joy, laughter tumbles out, lower and raspier than she would like at the moment, but loud and bright and full.
“Oh, wow, my girlfriend just laughed and it’s my favorite sound in the whole wide world!” Taylor says, and she can hear the beam in his voice, so wide that his eyes narrow to crescents. “My girlfriend looks so pretty in this dress. I’m gonna have to buy her a dozen more.”
“You are not doing that!”
“Of course I am,” Taylor refutes, shaking his head with that adorable vehemence of his. “I’m rich! One for every day of the week, at least. You look so happy in it. I’m gonna spoil you so bad, wô de tiānshî.”
“Wô de tiānshî,” Lincoln parrots, sounding out the rise and fall of the syllables carefully. “I haven’t heard that one. What does it mean?”
“‘My angel,’” Taylor tells her softly, thumbs gently circling at her waist, and the reverence in his eyes makes her feel simultaneously unmovable and unsteady on her feet. “I always thought it would suit you, but traditionally, it’s used for girlfriends. Unless that’s too, like, weirdly gendered, uh, if it makes you uncomfortable -”
Link crushes her wonderful, amazing boyfriend to herself in a tight hug.
In an instant, Taylor’s arms circle around her, too, and so much about her has felt wrong lately, but this has always, always felt right.
“I love it,” Lincoln says, “I love you . Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
“Love you, too,” he replies, and they stay like that for a few long moments.
Eventually, Link pulls away, and Taylor drops his arms.
“So, wanna get this dress and get out of here and go for froyo in the food court?” He asks.
“Only if you help me take this off,” Link answers, waggling her eyebrows like Taylor had earlier. "Seriously, the zippers on these things are kinda tricky."
Taylor laughs.
“That’s my girl.”
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siriuslynephilim · 1 year
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spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me
#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason#the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2#i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head#and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet#and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay#he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all#i have no idea what he has that i don't#but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about#not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me#not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act#im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough#for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away#from my sociopathic parents#and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough#but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d#exams#and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then#never cry#i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really#trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing#oh god this is now a ventpost#mes
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bardkin · 9 months
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been doing some internal questioning that boils down to “is it the auADHD or i am plural in some way???”
and i’m. not sure if i want to know the answer. at least not yet.
#ensiger#possibly plural#this post is brought to you by a monoconscious culture post that hit a lot harder than i thought it would#'wait how long have i been me. when did i stop being the other guy'#also a lot of the Dragonheart Collective's essay points in Dissociation. & internal thought voice.#the only point in Identity disturbances that really hit was -#Feeling like you weren't born in that body & that you simply appeared one day inside of it.#like. i sometimes feel like ''I'' is more than one internally.#like i'm One Person in the way a cartoon character can be animated/storyboarded by multiple artists.#does that make sense as like?? a plural thing???#or is that just the depersonalization & bees in my brain??#also that like. the 'current me' stepped into my body & 'replaced' whoever used to be here. i have (most) of my memories & shit but just.#i'm not totally sure if this is a 'i have grown and changed since i was a child' or 'i'm a different person in every sense of the word.'#i kind of stewed on this questioning a couple years(?) ago when i was first learning about multiplicity. but nothing ever really came of it#bc digging further into it didn't feel useful. all the stuff i was reading didn't feel like it was lining up with what's going on in here#i've recently been doing some reading on monoconscious & median systems but.#i don't want to act on anything until i Know. or at least until i Know More.#also i'm about 90% sure my kintypes are not headmates/alters/etc. they feel like / similar to my gender & not. ''extra Me's'' so to speak
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opens-up-4-nobody · 10 months
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...
#there's something really beautiful about experiencing the weather patterns of a new place#where i live now. its not like where i grew up. not like the foothills of Appalachia but its more familiar than the Chihuahuan desert was#when i go home to ohio everythings so green. so green. unimaginably green and the towns are in the woods. the hills roll#and trees billow deciduous and packed so tightly the treeline is like a wall of plant matter. here there are trees but they are tall and#evergreen. patchy in places like shrubs in the desert. the grass grows green but also pale tan and dead. houses are routed in valleys#between mountains. they're made of wood and not stucco but they still look strange and the landscape is crumpled together tall. and there's#water. it rains. days can be dreary and gray with drizzle. i forgot what thats like. when a single low stratus cloud blocks out thewhole sk#and fog clings to the trees. my school bus used to drive by a lake where thr fog was so thick i didnt kno how the driver could see the road#but somehow i forgot how much joy suspended water vapor gives me living in a place where when it rains it pours so hard the streets flood#and the greedy ground drinks the landscape dry. but there are new things as well. here smoke rolls up over thr mountains and gets stuck in#the valleys so that the weather forcast reads: Smoke for days on end. im used to tornado warnings and heat warnings and dust storm warnings#but ive never expected Smoke as a type of weather. and im sure there's more to experience. ive only been here like 3 weeks. its not as gree#as home. the storms dont seem to get quite so violent. the woods are so full of bears that its an active threat. but its not the desert#and while ill miss the shapes of desert plants and little lizards. when i look up at the pine and spruce trees i feel like i can breathe a#little easier. well see how i feel once the long cold winter sets in haha#but i dunno. part of me still longs for a violent thunderstorm. one where u can feel the temperature drop and u csn feel it building all da#one that bends the trees and smells like ozone. it was never like that in thr southwest and im not sure that happens here#but maybe thats just a desire for chaos and violence as a product of my pathological internal control. i cant be spontaneous so let nature#bring the fear to me. some of my favorite memories are watching lightning strikes#so it goes i suppose#unrelated#listen. is it fucked up to have ohio nostalgia? maybe so. but in my defense i grew up in the pretty part of ohio lol
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