#If your aroace i would love if you have any advice! i wanna make sure hes not a poor representation of yall | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fruitquake · 3 years

Text

realizations pt. 2

part one

read it on ao3

Regulus Black knows he doesn’t like girls. He wishes he did. It would make everything so much easier. But at some point, you have to accept that maybe you aren’t just a late bloomer. Maybe it isn’t just that you “haven’t found the right girl yet”. Maybe it’s just who you are.

Aside from knowing he definitely doesn’t like girls, though, it’s all very confusing. It seemed like a logical conclusion that if he doesn’t like girls, he must like boys.

But then, James Potter kissed him, and he’s pretty sure that if he were gay, it would’ve felt… special. Or it would’ve felt like anything at all. But rather, it felt exactly the same as kissing girls: uncomfortably and wetly smashing your mouths together. He didn’t say any of this to James. He didn’t say anything, actually, just left with what he knows was a terribly transparent excuse. Now, he’s in his room, sitting on the floor and staring out of the window at the few stars visible through the clouds.

Is there something wrong with him? The question has been echoing in his mind since the kiss. Well, really, it’s been there long before, but he has managed to ignore it well enough before today. It was easy to push it to the back of his mind, and tell himself that he would figure it out eventually and it didn’t really matter.

But… He kissed James. James Potter, the guy who half the girls - and several guys - are utterly enamoured by. James Potter, who is objectively very handsome. And surely, if he were gay, kissing him would’ve felt… good? How is kissing supposed to feel? Regulus has tried it a few times by now, and it has never been the enjoyable experience that people make it out to be.

He is typing the words into google before he even registers having taken his phone out. Is kissing supposed to feel good?

Most of the search results are clinical, detached articles, explaining the biological and social reasons as to why humans like kissing. Until he stumbles upon a blog post on one of those ask-and-answer forums.

Anonymous: need advice!! my friends are constantly going on about their crushes and the people they’ve been with, how much they love kissing, all that stuff. and i just can’t relate at all. i’ve kissed a few boys, and once a girl too, and i don’t understand the hype at all? i’ve never really had a crush on anyone either, i think. all that kissing and dating and sex stuff just seem like a waste of time to me. is there something wrong with me? am i broken or something?

Regulus’s heart stutters as he reads the post through. He… relates to most of it. Is there something wrong with me? It’s the same question that’s been ringing loud and clear through his head since the kiss.

The comments are mostly stuff like “just wait til you’re older” and “you’ll get it when you meet the right person”, and Reg feels his stomach sink. Is that really it? He’s supposed to sit around and wait for “the right person” to come into his life and… fix him? He thinks about James again. James, who is kind and funny and one of his favourite people in the entire world. But kissing him didn’t feel right. It hasn’t felt right with anyone.

But then his eyes catch on another comment on the person’s post: you should look into the terms asexual and aromantic. i don’t think there’s anything wrong with you or that you are broken, but if you don’t have an interest in romance/sex it could be because you’re ace and/or aro.

Asexual and aromantic. Regulus googles both terms, spends hours reading through articles and blog posts and people sharing their experiences, and for the first time in his life he feels… seen. He hadn’t realized how lonely he felt, before discovering that he isn’t alone.

It’s a lot to take in. A lot of thoughts and questions and answers swirling in Regulus’s head. He really, really wants to talk to someone about all of this. But first of all, it’s 3 AM. Secondly, who?

James is… kinda the whole reason he’s having this sexuality crisis to begin with. He is certain he would’ve figured it out anyway at some point, but it’s thanks to James that he is up in the middle of the night, buried in research about his own identity. He doesn’t think he can talk to James about all this. At least not yet.

Then there’s Sirius. Regulus doesn’t know if he would understand. He feels some of that familiar loneliness creep up on him again. He and Sirius are finally close again. After years of division and hurt and pretending the other doesn’t exist, they have a relationship that’s actually good, and Regulus doesn’t want to ruin it. What if Sirius doesn’t understand or doesn’t accept him? He can’t lose his brother again. He doesn’t have anyone else.

Should he just… not tell anyone, then? Perhaps that is best, at least for now, he thinks. If no one knows, no one can judge him for it or tell him that it’s wrong or that his experiences aren’t real. He nods to himself, settling back into bed. It’s better if no one knows.

Regulus doesn’t get any sleep that night. Not that he really expected to. He spends the next day dozing off in class and avoiding James. Both are working out great for him until he starts awake, feeling a gentle hand on his shoulder.

He sits up straight on his chair and squints as he looks around. The classroom is empty, except for him and-

“Sorry, did I wake you?” James asks. He's standing beside Regulus’s desk, looking down at him with something like concern.

“S’fine,” Regulus mumbles, stifling a yawn.

James sits on top of the desk next to Regulus’s. “You look tired,” he says. “Are you okay?”

Regulus still doesn’t know how to react to people showing him genuine concern. It’s not something he’s really used to. “I’m fine,” he says, perhaps a bit too forcefully. He stands up, almost knocking over his chair in the process, and starts quickly packing up his things.

“Hey, uh,” James says, nervously messing up his hair in that way he does. “There’s something we should probably talk about.”

The kiss. Reg was desperately hoping James would pretend it never happened. He slings his bag over one shoulder and starts towards the door. “I’m sorta in a rush.”

James stands up. “Reg, please,” he says. “I… I really need to talk to you about it. Please.”

Regulus sighs, but stops in the doorway. “We don’t have to,” he says in an almost pleading tone, turning around to face James. “It doesn’t matter.”

“You don’t understand.” James looks at him with big doe eyes. “Reg, it matters to me.”

He regards James for a while, before nodding, signalling for him to say whatever it is he wants to say.

James takes a deep breath. “So, er… The thing about the kiss,” he begins, fidgeting nervously with the strap of his bag. “It sorta… made me realize something? About myself?”

Regulus has never seen him this nervous. He waits in silence for him to go on.

“Shit,” James mumbles, rubbing his face with his hands. “I feel like I’ve rehearsed this conversation all day, but now I just, like… Have no idea what to say.” He takes another deep breath. “Screw it, I’m just gonna say it, okay? I really fucking liked that kiss and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it and also I’m bisexual.” It comes out as a quick string of words with no pause for James to breathe - or for Reg to interrupt him.

James looks at him; nervous, expectant, awaiting. But Regulus really doesn’t know what to say. He feels a tight knot in his stomach. “Oh,” he finally manages.

“Ah, shit,” James says frantically. “That’s right, there was something else I was gonna say, something important. I, er… I completely get it if you don’t feel the same way. I don’t want this to ruin our friendship, because I really care about you and I don’t wanna lose you. I just… really needed to get this off my chest.”

He sounds so genuine. Of course he does, Reg thinks and feels stupid. When has James ever been anything but genuine, honest and loyal? When has he ever judged Reg or turned his back on him for anything? James knows him better than he allows most people to, and if there’s anyone Reg can talk to about this, it’s him.

“There’s something I need to get off my chest too,” Regulus says quietly.

James’s eyes widen. “Oh? What is it?”

Reg sets down his bag and goes to sit by the desk opposite James. He doesn’t look at him as he starts talking. “I’m aroace. I don’t experience… that kind of attraction. Romantic or sexual. It’s… not exactly that the kiss made me realize it. Or maybe it did. But I kinda already knew. I just… wasn’t ready to admit it to myself, I suppose? Also I didn’t really know the word for it. But… yeah, that’s who I am and I can’t do anything to change that, just as you can’t change the fact that you’re bi, so… I hope you won’t hate me now.”

When James stays quiet, Regulus forces himself to look up. James is looking at him with an unreadable expression, and Reg’s stomach drops. This was a terrible idea. He should’ve known he couldn’t tell anyone. He has ruined everything. James opens his mouth but before he can say anything, Reg has pushed out his chair and is walking toward the door with swift steps.

“Nevermind,” he says, ignoring the stinging of tears in his eyes.

“Reg, wait!”

“Forget everything I just said.”

James finds him rather quickly, at the area behind the school that’s nearly hidden with shrubs. It’s where he comes when he needs to be alone, and he knows it’s also where Sirius comes to smoke.

Regulus is sitting on the ground with his back against a tree trunk, not caring if his clothes get dirty. James sits down about a meter away from him, but doesn’t speak, so Regulus is the one to break the silence:

“Are you upset because of my sexuality or because I don’t have feelings for you?” he asks. His voice is harsher than he meant it to be, but at least it’s not shaking.

James draws in a sharp breath, turning to face him. “I’m not upset at all!” he exclaims. “What on earth gave you that idea?”

He’s… not upset? Regulus clears his throat. “Well,” he mumbles. “You didn’t say anything.”

“I’m sorry,” James says earnestly. “I didn’t really know what to say. And you didn’t exactly give me a lot of time to think before you stormed off.”

Now Reg feels like he’s the one who should apologize. He doesn’t, though. Just stares straight ahead at the shrubs surrounding them.

“I’m really sorry I made you feel this way, Reg,” James says softly. “I promise I’m not upset. I care about you. A lot. And I, er… I may not know that much about this stuff, but I’m gonna do research on it so I can support you the best I can, because I care about-” He cuts himself off. “No, wait, I already said that part,” he mumbles, laughing nervously.

Reg smiles at him. “You hate doing research,” he says. “You avoid it like the plague.”

James laughs again. “Shut up, you wanker,” he says, shoving him gently. “This is different!”

He scoots a bit closer, putting his hand on Regulus’s shoulder. “But really,” he says, his tone more serious now. “I support you one hundred percent. You’ll always be family to me. So if you want, we can just forget all about that kiss.”

“But…” Reg looks up at him. “The kiss did mean something to you, didn’t it?”

James considers this for a moment. “I mean… it was a good kiss. And it did sorta… force me to come to terms with my sexuality. But what really means something to me is you, Reg, and our friendship. I don’t wanna lose that, ever. So… do I maybe have a teeny tiny crush on you? Yeah, I think I might, but it’s honestly no big deal. It won’t change anything between us, I promise.”

He holds out his pinky finger, and it takes Regulus several moments to realize what he’s doing. He holds up his own pinky and laces it with James’s.

“I just realized, I’m kind of an asshole,” he says after a bit. “I practically dismissed your coming out because I was so worried about my own.”

“Oh.” James chuckles. “Mate, don’t worry about it. I completely understand.”

“If you want, you can tell me again and I will try to react better,” Reg offers.

James shakes his head, amused. “I… alright,” he says, grinning. “Regulus?”

“Yes?”

“I’m bisexual.”

Reg smiles at him. “Oh, okay!” he says, acting as though it’s the first he’s hearing of this. “That’s lovely. I’m very happy for you. And… obviously, I support you, and I care about you a lot, too.”

James’s grin grows wider. “Thank you,” he says.

They sit quietly for a while, before James speaks again:

“Do you wanna come over today? Mum is making pancakes for dessert. And we can play Mario Kart.”

Regulus groans, but can’t quite suppress a smile. “Ugh, I don’t wanna play Mario Kart against you. You always win. I swear you’re cheating, somehow.”

“How would I cheat at Mario Kart?” James asks with a laugh.

Reg shrugs, crossing his arms. “I don’t know, but I don’t wanna play with you either way.”

“Okay, well… You can play against Sirius? Or you two can team up and try to beat me together,” James suggests, nudging his shoulder. “Come on, it’ll be fun. And pancakes.”

“Fine,” Reg says, as if he wasn’t going to say yes from the beginning. “But only because of the pancakes.”

James nods solemnly. “That’s fair,” he says, and Reg tries not to smile like an idiot, but it’s hard not to because at least for now, all of the worries and doubts swirling in his chest have been driven away by a warm, relieved feeling.

“James?” he says.

“Yeah?”

He doesn’t actually know what to say, so he just wraps his arms around James and pulls him into a hug. James hugs him back tightly, and Regulus feels incredibly lucky to have a friend like him.

#regulus black #james potter #marauders #marauders era #muggle au #modern au #fanfiction #marauders fanfic #marauders fanfiction #bisexual james potter #aroace regulus black

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aspecpplarebeautiful · 3 years

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So I told this good friend (who is pan) that I was on the aroace spectrum and they’ve been incredibly nice and supportive of me.

But at the same time, they tell me things like “I love your laugh”, “we have so much in common”, and “You’re such a special person and I wish others would realize this but I’m also okay with that because that means I get to selfishly spend more time with you!”

I’m having a hard time trying to figure out if they’re flirting with me or if they’re being super nice like usual. Tbh, I am actually okay if it is flirting because they’re important to me and I wouldn’t mind being their partner if that is the case. But I don’t wanna jinx anything. Do any aspec peeps have advice? Or thoughts?

Sometimes asking directly is the easiest route, it may be awkward but at the end of it you’ll know where you both stand. If you think it’s possible your friend wants a relationship but thinks you don’t because you’re aroace spec, but would be open to it with them, you could mention that and just state it clearly. You could also in general talk about how you feel about relationships and when you’d be open to one, etc. And then let them decide what action they want to take if any. But yeah my advice would definitely be something like that where you communicate your side of things and make sure they’re aware and understand.

You could also just ask them straight out if they want to be partners. It depends on your personality and theirs and what makes sense for you and them I think.

All the best and good luck!

Anyone else with any advice they want to share?

#Anonymous

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powerfultulips · 4 years

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trans asks gimme the trans asks

1. How did you choose your name?

trial and error

2. What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria)

having to shave

3. Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?

social

4. What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric?

talk to friends who see me as myself

5. What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?

idk i was probably in college

6. When did you realize you were transgender?

i don’t think it really set in until i was 20 or 21

7. What is your favorite part of being transgender?

being sexy and epic

8. How would you explain your gender identity to others?

i’m girl but i also have no gender. but i have all the genders. and i’m baby.

9. How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?

i think i mainly used social media to come out

10. What have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been?

haven’t tried

11. What are your experiences with binding or tucking?

haven’t tried. i’ve worn binders, but i’m amab. i just like how they feel

12. Do you pass?

god no

13. What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?

i’m still not sure, i don’t know if i’ll medically transition at all tbh. can’t get over my fears of surgery and pills

14. How long have you been out?

a couple years i think?

15. What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set?

basically all of them. mlm, genderfluid, demiboy, nonbinary, lesbian, bi/pan, aroace.... yeehaw.

16. Have you ever experienced transphobia?

probably, but i’m very naïve

17. What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?

usually i go to the boys’ bathroom because i don’t wanna get beat up. if there’s a gender-neutral bathroom i will use it about 80% of the time

18. How does your family feel about your trans identity?

i think they’re slowly accepting it, but they really suck at using my pronouns

19. Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?

no, i don’t want to

20. What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?

it’s okay to be a girl

21. Why do you use the pronouns you use?

comforble

22. Do your neurodivergencies affect your gender?

yeah

23. What’s your biggest trans-related fear?

other than like straight-up getting murdered, probably just not being able to transition

24. What medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition?

i’ve come out to most people in my life, but medically i haven’t done anything.

25. What do you wish cis people understood?

how much their words can hurt

26. What impact has being trans affected your life?

helped me make a lot of nice friends

27. What do you do to validate yourself?

i save things on tumblr to look at later

28. How do you feel about trans representation in media?

shrugs. i don’t consume a lot of media but i think it would be cool to have more trans rep

29. Who is your favorite trans celebrity?

nat /@/ puff aka left at london

30. Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?

probably like, my fiancé tbh (does olives is out their bf????)

31. How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?

i mostly just try to be a good role model and mentor to younger trans folks.

32. How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?

probably similar to how i am now, i’d like to try wearing more dresses and skirts and like. fishnets and ripped jeans and the whole punk look,,,, but realistically i will probably just be sitting here in a t-shirt, boxer briefs, and sweatpants

33. What trans issue are you most passionate about?

it should be easier to legally change your name, and also trans fucking rights babey

34. What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them?

you’re valid and beautiful and i want to give you lots of hugs

35. How do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality?

hm. i’m fairly privileged so i guess i can’t speak for some of these, but i do consider myself disabled. i dunno how they interact though *shrugs*

36. What, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression?

i identify as nonbinary, but i would like to express myself more femininely. androgyny would be good too though

37. Do you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither?

feminine

38. What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?

i just use queer at this point tbh

39. Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?

t4t gang babey

40. How did/do you manage waiting to transition?

i simply sit here and vibe

41. What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things?

@transgenderteensurvivalguide is good

42. Do you interact with other trans people IRL?

yes but not enough of them. want more trans friends

43. Are you involved in any trans-related activism?

kinda casually, but yeah

44. Free space! Answer any question you want, or make up your own question to answer.

my bonus question is uhhhhh i love u @literally-an-envelope will u marry me

#asks #olives.txt

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aro-ace-advice · 4 years

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What advice would you give someone who is struggling with identifying their sexuality?

Georgia says: hey anon! First off, you don’t have to put any pressure on yourself to pinpoint your exact sexuality and it’s okay if things change. I thought I was bi before I realised I was asexual. You’re allowed to change how you label yourself so you can find something that fits. So if you’re struggling with identifying your sexuality, it might be easy for you to start with the “basics”. I’m not sure how old you are anon, so depending on your age you might not even “get” sexual attraction (it took me until I was about 16 to realise what sexual attraction actually meant) but having an understanding of sexual attraction (or even just being aware of it) might be helpful, as if you feel like sex is something you’re into, then you’re probably not asexual. What helped me when I was figuring things out was seeing a chart that had a short explanation of a bunch of different sexualities. It’s a pretty personal thing to figure out internally so be kind to yourself

ree says: well… i suppose it would depend on what identities they might be considering? i wouldn’t give someone who’s questioning if they’re ace or aro the same advice that i would give to someone who’s questioning if they’re gay or bi. if you’re thinking you might be on the aro/ace spectrum, i already have a whole lot of asexual / aromantic questioning advice on this blog, so here’s a few links to some of my previous posts on the topic! x x x x being gay or bi or pan is a lot different than being aroace, which is where my own personal experience and expertise within the lgbt+ community is at, so i’m not really at a place to give detailed advice about other identities. you’d likely be able to find someone who can just by looking around here on tumblr. you can always start by talking to people who list their sexualities in their bio, and send some asks to some other lgbt+ focused blogs! there’s loads of resources, and i think the most helpful thing for you to do would be to find a positive community and start talking to other lgbt+ folks about their own journeys.

(please be careful if you choose to find an internet community. tumblr is full of exclusionists and discourse, and you might end up feeling less comfortable and secure with yourself if you dive too deep into that rabbit hole. it can be hella toxic. it’s not healthy to surround yourself with all of that negativity, even if it doesn’t directly apply to you. positivity blogs are a good place to start, and they’re not too hard to find. you could also try looking around for a community on pillowfort, which is another social media site. message me on my personal blog @cerydwynn if you’d like to try that, you need an invite link to make an account since they’re still in beta testing.)

however, i’ve done my own fair share of questioning, and i definitely agree with what georgia said. don’t rush it. there’s no time limit to figuring out which way you swing (if you swing at all). if you’re feeling anxious about it and eager to know definitively, take a mental break and try to internalize that it’s okay to be unsure and that you’ll find what you like through time and experience. there’s no right way to question your sexuality, no right label to choose. it’s also just fine to use no labels at all. be safe in your exploration of yourself, and don’t do anything that makes you super uncomfortable. while stepping out of your comfort zone can be a good thing, putting yourself into a potentially harmful situation or choosing to participate in something that you don’t like is very different from trying something new and maybe a little risky that isn’t within your bubble.

for a lot of people, questioning can be something that brings a lot of stress and anxiety. but please be aware that no matter what you eventually decide you identify as, be that gay, bi, pan, aro, ace, poly, queer, straight, or label-less, whatever it is you like, there are so many people in this world who have also gone through what you are going through now and who are going to accept you and be there to help guide you through this. you are not alone. questioning and being part of the lgbt+ community is not a sin, it’s not wrong. you are loved and accepted. this community was built and is here for us to support each other. so while questioning might be scary, remember that you have a support system, even if it seems distant or impossible!

if you want to talk more in depth about questioning or you’re feeling alone, you can always message us again, or shoot me a direct message on my personal blog, which i linked up there in that middle section (again, it’s @cerydwynn in case you don’t wanna go hunting for it in all the words).

#anonymous #questioning

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five-hour-anxiety · 6 years

Text

depresssion vlog 😥😴👎💭🏳️ | The Theory Of Real Activity | thursday vlogs

Taglist: @zerogettie @spacevirgil@tree4life25@thebiggestnaturaldisaster @pailettehazel@jordandobbertin@thecityofthefireflies @the-fabulous-kimball@azuranightsong@virmillion @erlenmeyertrash @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @the-sanders-sides @punch-you-with-friendship@captaincantatrice@clovenpinetree @jughead-is-canonically-aroace@aplaceinthevoid@that-random-fandom-girl @zennyo

Word Count: 4431

Warnings: depression and talks of anxiety

Pairings: platonic prinxiety, platonic logicality, platonic analogical

Summary: Virgil is in the middle of a spiral and the back to back bad days are making it hard to function. He texts a few friends for help, and this is the result.

Designated Nerd: Virgil, it has been some time since I’ve heard from you. Are you feeling well?

Me: i mean, am i ever fine

Designated Nerd: Well that is indeed worrying. Is there anything I can do for you, or would you rather I contact our more… emotional friends? Do you need me to come visit?

Me: no, i dont want anyone over right now. this is gonna sound so stupid but,,, could u tell me what u do when ur upset

Designated Nerd: If it helps, of course. I tend to listen to stimulating music and take hot showers. Please try to brush your teeth sometime soon as well, as hygiene is something that we all tend to be lax with in these states.

Me: i should have expected advice like that

Designated Nerd: Is it not useful? I apologize.

Me: o no, its good. thx lo

Designated Nerd: Anytime Virgil. Do not hesitate to contact me if you need anything else.

***

Sir-Sing-A-Lot: hey panic at the everywhere, u still breathing

Me: wow didnt kno u cared that much

Sir-Sing-A-Lot: of course i care u ass how u doing

Me: i mean im not dead. thats a fucking victory dude can i get a hell yeah

Sir-Sing-A-Lot: hell fucking yeah bro im proud of u

Me: hey while ur here,,,, how do u deal with ur bad days.

Sir-Sing-A-Lot: poorly

Me: damn dude

Sir-Sing-A-Lot: yeah well thats life but i also light candles and fucking moisturize. unlike u u heathen

Me: thanks u fucking prick

Sir-Sing-A-Lot: hate u too u asshole c u this weekend~

***

Pat-Dad: hey kiddo!! haven’t heard a peep outta you lately, just wanna make sure you’re still okay!!

Me: im not okay, actually. but im glad u texted bc i have a q for u

Pat-Dad: anything for you kiddo, tell me how i can help!! :)

Me: wat do u do on bad days. like, how do u deal with the shitty emotions

Pat-Dad: language kiddo.

Me: hellcrab.png

Pat-Dad: i dont have the profanity manatee on me so just pretend i sent that. anyway! i like to watch a bunch of funny shows and sit around in my favorite clothes! gotta feel good somehow!! and like, a lot of pillows are involved.

Me: is this permission to turn my living room into a pillow fort

Pat-Dad: absolutely!!! but make sure you eat something today kiddo,,, making food is gonna be better than takeout btw. Feels good to have made something, trick the brian into enjoying the food more.

Me: brian

Pat-Dad: *brain, oh hush up

Me: thanks 4 the help. <3 u

Pat-Dad: anytime kiddo!!!! :) <3 love you more!!!!!

***

“Welcome back to the Theory of Real Activity -- today’s vlog: not what you all signed up for.” Virgil sighed, running a hand through his hair. “As I’m sure a lot of you have noticed, or at least the twitter crew has, I haven’t been as active on the channel lately. And I’m sorry about that, but I think I’m ready to talk about why now.

“As many of you know, I have depression and anxiety. No way around it, there’s the truth. Often, these diseases prevent me from functioning like a healthy person would. That’s what’s been happening to me for the last few months. I’ve had a hard time getting up and dragging myself anywhere, much less making new content for all of you. Talking to friends via text is really hard too, so Twitter is something I can’t deal with either.

“And I know a lot of you out there are the same way -- heck, when I do use Twitter and the likes, I see messages like that all the time. And I’m happy I’m able to help you all through those days when I can. But I can’t always be around to make stuff like that, so today I’m gonna talk you guys through helping yourselves when the days get bad and the voices get loud, okay?

“But don’t let the start of this video fool you -- this isn’t a ‘oh we’re all gonna be okay if we just believe!’ kinda thing. Because there’s a lot of those. Don’t get me wrong, those are all wonderful messages and I really appreciate them, but I don’t think we need another one right now. What’s the point in trying to be motivated when the energy just isn’t there? I don’t know about any of you, but I almost feel worse when I watch those because I know whoever is on the other side of the screen wants me to work for happiness and I just… can’t. I can’t do it when I’m that low. So, no, this is not one of those videos.

“This is something completely different, I really hope it clicks with a few of you.”

The camera switches out of selfie mode to reveal a table full of shopping bags. Virgil laughs off-screen and there’s the sound of papers shuffling.

“Ladies, Gents, and everyone beyond the binary welcome to ‘How to Kinda Cope with Shit Brains’, starring yours truly. Let’s begin, shall we?”

***

“Logan, you didn’t tell me you were uploading a video today! What’s this one about?” Patton squealed, clicking on the notification. Logan peered over his shoulder, trying to make out the display behind layers of smudges and a few cracks.

“I- I did not upload a video today as Thursdays are typically reserved for anything Virgil wishes to post. That’s why there have not been any midweek videos recently.” Logan pulled out his own phone, giving up on Patton’s, and quickly unlocked the screen. “There is no one else with access to the account, so who- oh never mind. That is clearly something of Virgil’s creation.”

“My goodness, he sure loves emojis, huh?” Patton giggled, reaching into his pockets. Logan groaned something like ‘you have no idea’ and pulled out a screen cloth for Patton. The younger man took it and quickly cleaned off his screen before pulling out his earbuds

“Do you wanna watch it together?” He asked, dangling them in front of Logan. Logan stared at him, grimacing.

“Do you know how unsanitary sharing earphones is, Patton? I have a split connector in my bag, allow me to retrieve it and we shall view it together.”

***

“So, I have compiled a list of things my friends do when they’re having bad days, as well as a few activities of my own, and we’re gonna test them. I’ll take note of how I feel before I start, do the activities, and then I’ll rate them by how I feel afterward. And if that sounds complicated, it is! Kinda. Logan says it’s the proper way to test things, by having a starting point and an end point, so go ask him? I don’t know, he’s always talking about control groups and I don’t know about any of you but I don’t want to make myself have bad days back to back just so I can test a bunch of things ‘fairly’.

“Anyway, first up: Roman’s list. He- he actually didn’t have much to say, just “moisturize bitch’ so I just pulled ideas from what he normally does on off-days. Sorry, Ro, but you brought this upon yourself.”

Virgil reaches into the bag marked “Bed, Bath, and Beyond” and fishes out a bottle of something pink, as well as a purple container of lotion and a green candle.

“I know for a fact Roman prefers grapefruit face wash, so that’s what we got here,” he shakes the pink bottle, “so we can gift this to him when we’re done here. And we have a bottle of lavender-scented lotion to go with it. I read somewhere that lavender helps with anxiety or something, but like,” he points at the camera, “it just smells good, and I am not ashamed to admit to that. Don’t read too much into this.

“I also bought a scented candle, because that’s the only other thing Roman offered advice-wise. I fact-checked this one, and apparently good scents are supposed to help you think more clearly? Or something. I don’t know, I read the article at four in the morning, there’s not much I can really remember about it. Four am Virgil is really bad at retaining information.”

The camera jostles as Virgil picks it up and walks into his bathroom. “Uh, just for like, the starting point? The best way to describe this type of anxiety is the buzzing and tensing of your muscles and the tightness in your chest. There’s nothing I want more than to dive under my bed sheets and sleep until tomorrow and try again later.

“But I’m going to do this, so wish me luck.” He mutters, turning the tap on and grabbing a washcloth. The screen cuts away to black as an upbeat nineties song plays, and the text on the screen reads ‘Roman’s results’.

“So,” Virgil starts, his face covered in white foam, “this stuff kinda burns? Roman, what the hell is wrong with you, you like this stuff? Ugh. Also, just so everyone knows, the smell of artificial grapefruit and lavender do not mix. Like separate, they are really good smells but just… don’t mix them together. It’s a really bad idea. We may have to do my list next so I can let the house air out for a while. As it is, I didn’t even try to light the candle, we do not need to add spearmint to this stink bomb.

“Beyond that? The face wash is definitely waking me up. I feel a little more ‘oh hey, I’m a person’ that I did before so, yeah. This wasn’t a total bust. And my skin is soft! I understand the appeal of moisturizing now! Roman, how dare you keep this a secret from me?” Virgil laughs, rubbing his hands together. “Holy shit I feel like a million bucks. I am keeping the lotion, you can take this demon face scrub.” Virgil reaches off screen and picks up the pink bottle, scanning the back panel of text.

“So overall, I’d say Roman’s tactics work. You just gotta like, make sure you get complimentary smells so you don’t stink yourself out of your house,” He says, still reading the bottle, “And you should definitely read the instructions on the bottles because this,” He holds up the pink bottle, “says to wash off after a few minutes, and it’s been ten. I’m gonna go get this off my face now.”

***

“Babe, you seriously didn’t read the instructions?” Roman howled, throwing his head back into the couch. He could hear Virgil scoff from the kitchen.

“Excuse me, but I thought it was like one of those face masks you leave on for half an hour! How was I supposed to know!” He asked, walking back into the room and plopping down beside Roman. “They look the same when you put them on, and you have a few long-lasting ones that smell like grapefruit! I had no way of knowing!”

“You could’ve called, man. I would have helped you!” Roman lifted his arm, inviting Virgil to crawl under it. He took it and wrapped his arms around the taller man’s chest. “You bought face scrub, which is definitely not the same thing. Both are good though! Just, not that same.”

“Yeah, well, I know that now,” Virgil muttered, burying his head in Roman’s hoodie.

“We can do actual face masks after this if you want.” Roman offered, picking his phone back up. “Your pores could really benefit from one.”

“You’re a dick. Turn that thing off.”

“Love you too, bastard, but there’s no way in hell I’m turning this off.”

***

The camera cuts again, and this time Virgil is in his bedroom. The window is open, and the sound of passing cars is almost inaudible but still present. His peach walls are bathed in a warm glow of the setting sun, a light breeze pushing his bangs up every so often.

“Okay so, next up is Patton’s list. As per my own ‘rules’, I’m feeling mentally exhausted and ready to check the fuck out right now. But despite this, I’m actually… really excited for this one? It involves food, there’s no way this can go poorly.”

The video cuts to footage of Virgil screaming as food on the stove erupts into flame. The 1812 Overture is playing the background. Whatever was in the pan is no longer food, as the burnt sustenance is bubbling in an ominous manner. The oven mitt is no longer on Virgil’s hand and is instead in a smoky heap on the kitchen counter.

“No way this can go poorly” Virgil’s voice echoes as he runs off camera screaming. He returns with a fire extinguisher, the lens becoming jammed with foam just before the video cuts back to Virgil in his room eating Chinese takeout.

“Okay so. It turns out it can go poorly. Patton said that making sure you eat, like, actual food and not six servings of chocolate cake with a glass of cherry coke on the side is supposed to help with the depression thing but like. It definitely didn’t help with the anxiety. Something about the food you worked to make tasting better?

“So, I cheated and ordered take out. But hey! This stuff has got a bunch of veggies in it, so I think I won this round. Moving on,” Virgil puts the food down and leans down to grab something off the floor, “Patton also recommended watching some shows that I know I enjoy, so let’s do that next.” Virgil puts on the purple headphones he had grabbed and pulled his laptop onto his lap. He clicks off the light on his desk and plunges the room into darkness with only his computer light illuminating his face.

“We’re watching the entirety of the Brooklyn Nine-Nine Halloween episodes, so be prepared for a highlight reel of that while I stuff my face with rice.” He twirls his finger around in a ‘roll film’ motion and kicks his feet up on the desk.

The camera cuts to a black screen once more, the same upbeat music playing in the background. The text now read’s “Patton’s results”.

The next few minutes is a series of clips strung together, many of them consisting of Virgil mouthing the lines along with the characters, and screeching with laughter. The last one shows him crying into his takeout, mumbling about how much he loves the relationship between Jake and Amy. He had taken his feet down from the desk at some point, now curled into his chair and bundled in his hoodie almost entirely.

The video cuts away to a slightly more composed Virgil, who is now cuddling a pillow and scraping the bottom of the takeout box. His eye makeup had run down his face over the last few hours and he looked unnaturally pale in the weird lighting.

“Yeah that uh,” He coughs awkwardly, “that worked. Ten out of three Patton, way to go. Got my brain to shut up for like, I don’t know, two hours?” He takes a deep breath and puts the takeout container on the desk. “It’s late, I think I’m gonna just do Logan’s and I’s lists tomorrow.”

***

“Should I be concerned that he set the kitchen on fire and didn’t call anyone?” Patton whispered, pausing the video. “Why didn’t he call anyone? Did he get burned?”

“I do not think you speeding to his house would have done any good, Patton, as he got the fire out by himself. That being said,” Logan pinched the bridge of his nose, “he is not allowed to cook for game night. Ever. What was he even trying to make?”

“He can join me in the kitchen ban, then. The store-bought cookie club just gained a new member.”

“God help us if you ever cook together. I’d have to take out a loan for a new apartment. I already cannot pay my student loans, I fear the possibility of adding to my life debt.” Logan shuddered, reaching over to unpause the video.

***

“Okay, good morning internet. It’s buttcrack early outside, I don’t even think the sun is up yet? That’s good, actually, and I’ll get to why later.

“So, all that’s left is Logan and I’s lists, and to be honest? Logan may have already won the whole thing, looking at this on paper. He actually cares about like, not dying by germs or some shit.,I can guarantee his list will be practical. I gotta go set some stuff up for my list, so hang tight.” The screen cuts to a slightly more awake Virgil.

He grins and gives a tiny wave before tapping the screen to switch the camera and show a hammock.

“So, I’m next. I’m also gonna save Logan’s advice for the end of the video so you guys watch this whole thing. Give people an incentive for sticking around. Because I can see the stats on this, I know half of you like, exit the video halfway through. Stay for the whole thing, dammit, I need the ad money.” He laughs, gently putting the camera down. The screen shows a new sunrise, one full of soft purples and oranges. Above the sun and its halo are a few stars that have yet to go out for the day, barely visible behind the hazy clouds. Virgil picks the camera back up, the footage shaky.

The camera stills to a shot of Virgil’s legs, the hammock swaying gently in the breeze. A few frogs can be heard singing in the background and Virgil hums a few notes. His voice is low as he speaks, still rough from sleep.

“Again, to follow my own rules: I feel so awful I don’t even want to talk about it, guys. Sorry.” Virgil is quiet for a while longer, the occasional whispered lyric picked up by the microphone. Eventually, he speaks once more, a lighter tone to his voice.

“Sure, this looks peaceful, but if you could all hear what kind of music I’m listening to right now, you’d be calling my therapist. Hey, Paul, I apologize my bro, but wow are you not gonna like me the next time I’m in.

“So yeah, my list is just ‘get sun and get songs’. You Gucci fam, just stay out here until you either feel good or get cold. Probably gonna be the last one but, hey, you tried. Gold star. Bring a blanket if you wanna aim for the best possible outcome.”

The camera cuts again, this time looking down from what is assumed to be a porch. The sky is dark once more, and the only source of light is a small candle.

“Huh. What do you know, the candle works after all. Spearmint -- the poor man’s anti-anxiety. You know, I actually looked that up. Spearmint is supposed to be a good stress reliever and some kind of mood booster. The more you know, huh?”

***

“Virgil, what the hell does that mean?” Roman chuckled, rubbing Virgil’s arm.

“It means that when I’m panicking at work I just pop in a breath mint and BAM I am suddenly closer to reality than I was ten seconds ago.”

“Do I wanna know how you discovered that?”

“I had a hangry panic attack in high school and the only thing I had to eat in my bag were breath mints I was meaning to gift to you.”

“Oh, that’s pretty- hey.”

“You could still use some, man. Keep your nasty breath away from me.”

Roman just hummed, looking at Virgil from the corner of his eyes. He smiled softly, his eyes sad and concerned. Pulling him closer, he unpaused the video and listened as he continued to hold his friend.

***

“And last but certainly not least, is the list of the late, great Logan. He’s not dead. He’s just always late to dinner dates. Like a pretentious nerd, his excuses are ‘oh, I was studying’, ‘oh, I had an exam’, or ‘Patton set the kitchen on fire again, call 911’. What an ass.

“Anyway. This list, which doesn’t have a cool name because Logan is against emojis and stuff, just has like, five items on it. In order that is: brush your teeth, put on some clean clothes, wash your hair, put on some socks, and the last one is a surprise. Because it really took me off guard and I need you all to be as surprised as I was.

“And right now, I just feel apathetic. In case someone gets upset that I didn’t mention I felt going into this, I just feel apathetic.”

The video cuts away to Virgil’s bathroom once more, and the leftover mess from the other day can be seen in the sink.

“Uh. Just, just ignore that mess. You know what it’s from, I don’t feel bad about that. Anyway, teeth brushing. Let me just find the toothpaste…

“You know, I can’t remember if I bought toothpaste at the store. Of all the crap I bought, don’t think toothpaste made it into the bin. So, let’s just see if I still have any of the travel samples from the dentist.”

Virgil riffles through his cabinets, pulling out items such as combs, hair dye, bleach, and a bottle of pills. He hums for a second, before crouching down to look under the sink.

“I feel like, and I could be the only one who experiences this, I feel like anything that gets put under the sink will never see the light of day. So maybe I won’t be brushing my teeth today- wait. Wait! Oh gosh, thank you Jesus- there’s a- there is a bottle in the back there, but I can’t reach it. Outta my way, makeup kit, I got teeth to be cleaned!”

Virgil pops back into view, holding up a half used mini bottle of toothpaste. It’s the kid’s kind, that tastes like berries and bubblegum. He uncaps it and starts to squeeze it out onto his toothbrush buts stops short.

“Why the hell are there sparkles in this thing? That- isn’t that a, like, choking hazard or some shit? Okay, sorry Logan, teeth brushing is not happening in this video. I think you’d agree with me on this. When you get to this point in the video, feel free to add toothpaste to our shopping list.”

***

“Jokes on you, Virgil, I added it yesterday when I spent the night and had to use that monstrosity.”

“I use that stuff all the time, Logan, there’s nothing wrong with it! Look at me, I’m perfectly fine!”

“That’s… that’s a, uh, great point Patton. Explains a lot.”

***

“Okay, so next on the list was clean clothes. I’m doing that off camera, you nasties, so hang tight for a word from our sponsors.”

The screen is black, with white text reading “crofters plz sponsor us logan is desperate.”

Virgil reappears, in the same hoodie and shirt. He smirks, pointing at a pile of clothes on the floor.

“Ha, I own two of these hoodies and three of these shirts. I am a cartoon character, y’all will never see me in a different outfit. You can dream, but my job is to crush those dreams.” He makes a fist as he says this, laughing through his teeth as he tries to appear tough.

The camera cuts again, this time showing Virgil singing into a hairbrush while a towel is wrapped around his head. The scene doesn’t last long, as we are once again taken back to Virgil’s bedroom where he is set up with a laptop. This time he’s on his bed and the curtains are drawn.

“It said to wash your hair, and you can’t wash hair without serenading the monsters living behind the shower curtains we all feared when we were little. Just because we aren’t afraid of them doesn’t mean they aren’t real!

“Anyway, this is the last part of Logan’s list. It’s actually really sweet? Like, I am a grown ass man, and I am not ashamed to say I sobbed over this.” He continues, voice starting to tremor.

Virgil spins his laptop around to show a YouTube video that’s about half an hour long. The title reads, ‘the best of Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street’. Virgil sniffs real fast, raking a fist over his eyes.

“He uh, he knew these guys were my heroes growing up. And he knew it would cheer me up. Guess w-hat man,” Virgil sniffs again, “It- it worked like a fu-fucking charm. I uh, I’m actually feeling things after going through your list, so like. Nice work, I guess, I owe you dinner. Like, dinner at a restaurant, not a cooking dinner because I don’t want to poison you.

“Ahem. Anyway. That’s the best thing in this whole video, you win Logan. And that about wraps up the Thursday vlog. Thanks for listening everyone, here’s the obligatory ‘we’re gonna be okay’ message, because as corny as that is -- it’s true. Find yourself a Bert to go with your Ernie and it’ll be okay. Maybe throw in an Elmo or a Zoey if you wanna round out the group. And my metaphor is getting too complicated, so! Virgil out! See you this weekend for the next Theory of Real Activity -- Logan and I are joined by Patton this time and we get into wild shit this week, let me tell you.”

***

“Well, what are we still waiting around here for?” Patton asked, turning his phone off. He disconnected the earbuds, stuffing his haphazardly into his front pocket. Logan winced at the sight, and quickly but carefully wound his up into their case.

“I’ll text Virgil to make sure he knows to expect us. Patton, if you could text Roman?” Logan asks, standing up and smoothing out his shirt. Patton nods, already poking away at his phone.

Me: Greetings, Virgil. Patton and I are on our way over to your house if that is okay?

Virgil Jackson: cant tell you no, you practically live here

Me: Yes, well, that is true. Is there anything I should bring with us?

Virgil Jackson: would it be lame to say a hug

Me: Not at all. If there is anything this group is good for, it’s hugging and crying. The occasional yelling, but that could go either way.

Virgil Jackson: whatever nerd, get over here already

#sanders sides fic #virgil sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #thomas sanders #prinxiety #logicality #analogical #ali writes #its another vlog fic sue me #i wanted to you all can fight me later #the theory of real activity

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secretagentspydetectiveninja · 5 years

Text

More of the Misadventures of Aish rereading Misadventures and fixing typos, like a cowardly fool because I can’t sleep

chapters 21-25 oh no here we go

(actually I did this in like November on my phone but only just now remembered that I never posted it so here ya go, this is all weeks old)

Okay so with the chapter titles, I didn’t actually start naming them until about ch27 or so, but I had already nicknamed this chapter something like “IT’S FRIENDSHIP YOU COWARDS” bc this one got a surprising amount of notes on tumblr and I’m 99% sure most of the people who read it did not realize that this is in fact a Kimax fic

And also THIS CHAPTER WAS THE TURNING POINT. I could either have kept the fic rly lighthearted until way near the end, or decide to start shoving in the Angst much quicker. 3 guesses what I picked >:D

Oh highkey same Alix?? except for me it’s not superpowers or anything it’s just called “anxiety disorder”

The obliviousness physically pains me

I’m the guard who just blatantly lets Alix steal popcorn. also why was there just casually popcorn there. god I don’t even know what I was thinking when I wrote any of this

Oh yeah I remember!! I was mad at people setting off the smoke alarm while making popcorn in the middle of the night!! just uni things am I right

...why am I noticing now that the whole popcorn thing is just a metaphor for Kim’s entire love life I am going to throw this fic out of the window I swear

IT REALLY IS, UGH I HATE THIS, ARE YOU TELLING ME I DID THAT BY ACCIDENT

this is a freaking game of Civilization where one civ takes a runaway lead in the science victory while the rest are all still stuck in the industrial era

Kim is me watching dinosaur movies too tbh, dinosaurs are so frickin rad

well this is depressing

and adorable

I hate so much that I know what the Bad Dream means I hate it I hate it I h

IT’S OKAY KIM I’M PROUD OF YOU, YOU’RE MY SON AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

“It’s not up to you to question why people care about you so just roll with it” damn past me, that’s actually some really good advice???

Alix is a Kimax shipper even this early in the fic, btw. whenever she talks to them about each other she’ll always say stuff like “oh yeah you two are so close” or “he cares about you so much” without specifying whether she means that platonically... my dudes... she’s shipping it

Kim having an existential crisis in early hours of the morning is such a mood because it’s 2am and I’m having one right now

BAD FORESHADOWING, YES BAD THINGS ARE GOING TO START HAPPENING SOON LIKE ASSASSINATIONS AND STUFF, YOU WEREN’T WRONG

Alright chapter 22 now

the carriage guards!! my favourite characters in the entire fic!!!!!! they’re the BEST okay they just casually chill at school through the entire thing and only show up again in the last chapter omg they’re so amazing I love them??? absolute LEDGES

Kim’s parents being all like “yeah if our son doesn’t wanna come home from school then just KIDNAP HIM and bring him back lmao”

“Hey, do you want me to threaten your guards with my snake or something?” WAS THAT FORESHADOWING??? BECAUSE SHE VERY MUCH DOES DO THAT LATER. TO DIFFERENT GUARDS YES BUT IT’S LEGIT A THING SHE DOES

talking on the phone is stressful? yes it’s that good old “anxiety disorder” again, really a pain tbh

god I’m so proud of Kim, already that good good character development

also Kim’s grandma is me

omg I have to put Kim and Alix’s dumb chess games in the sequel, I came up with an entire thing about how they blatantly cheat etc and it’s ridiculous and Max gets a headache whenever he has to “referee” (aka make sure they don’t fight), it’s so great okay

me: *thinks about chapter 34 and throws up*

oh I’m the snake too btw. the snake also will hate chapter 34

Max holy moly repressing your feelings isn’t healthy??? stop that

hhhhhhh chapter Lila now, like literally that’s the entire chapter 23, it’s basically just Lila

this is just the damn Volpina episode

dupainchien!!!!! dupainchien!!!!!!!!!

I know this isn’t even that much of a big deal in this fic but like... can Marinette and Adrien just get together already lmao

hskdjhdkjfhgs for the record Lila and Kim is actually a pretty good ship?? but they’d both try to out-brag each other and it would be ridiculous so uh

hm anyways. time for CHAPTER AROACE

Kim’s like. ABOUT TO start falling for Max oh thank god, I need this

Lila: *just stabs Kim’s homework with a parasol*

Kim just... Did That??? WE STAN

(oh and later note: in this he just treats Lila like how Adrien treated her in Chameleon lol)

I remember at this point I wasn’t sure if Lila would actually really return in the fic, and then literally like 2 chapters later I brought her back already because damn that girl needs a redemption arc

do I hug Kim or do I hug Max?? you FOOLS, you ABSOLUTE BUFFOONS, I am going to hug ALIX for having to deal with all their romo bullshit

Max trying to get drunk on orange juice is the mood

JULEKA’S MAGICAL GAYDAR!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!

(also Juleka is absolutely wearing a Reflekta dress)

Juleka, outright: “Max. my dude. alix is aroace you dense idiot. you are all idiots. you absolute fuckwits.”

I’m still the snake btw

hhhhhhhhhh I wanna make a daisy chain now, or just go outside and sprawl in some grass, I can’t because it’s 2.30am and I live in the city and it’s winter, screw this fic for making me miss my school days

oh no I’m having an allergic reaction again

I mEAN IT’S CUTE THO, IT’S CUTE, BUT I KNOW WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN A BIT LATER SO THIS IS JUST PAINFUL

“You need more sleep” me calling myself out

I am going to hit Kim over the head,,

STOP BEING WEIRD JUST TELL HER YOU LIKE HER?? GOOD GOD I DON’T EVEN SHIP IT AND I STILL WANT YOU TO GET A BLOODY MOVE ON

oh good, he wants to smack himself in the face too

no nonono no Alix I think you are cute too. but you see, I mean it in the adopting way. but you ARE objectively adorable (source: the Reverser episode and also like all the other episodes) people just don’t say it in this au because of your TERRIFYING PET SNAKE

she offered to give him a telephone... lov that foreshadowing

*unimpressed* “are you in love with me?” OH FUCKING FINALLY

skdfhskdjfhsd avoiding people and having a heart attack when someone knocks on your door? I see the return of that anxiety disorder eh

Alix didn’t bring the snake (me) with her on purpose bc she knows Kim is still a bit scared of it at this point and doesn’t want him to be in a bad mood while she’s crushing his heart and soul

GOD YES I LOVE THIS SCENE

I hate myself because when I was writing this I was thinking “oh mood?? oh mood worm same hat???” and yet still. didn’t. realize. I’m. aro. *le sigh*

I’m gonna cry this is so sweet

“So are bossy, intimidating, hot girls your type?” no actually because Ondine is neither bossy nor intimidating (tho yeah she is hot) (and not particularly relevant in this fic unfortunately)

Alix is not in fact as oblivious as she claims to be btw, she just thinks it would sound mean to say “oh yeah I guessed you had a thing for me but I aggressively ignored it bc it annoyed me since I’m aroace lmao”

I’m genuinely going to hecking cry omg I remember now why this was my Ultimate Brotp for so long ugh it’s so good, @ ZAG LET KIM AND ALIX BE FRIENDS

I’m laughing?? so hard??? at the fact that their height difference is so ridiculous that literally like he has to kneel down??? god this is the funniest thing

oh also btw she was internally debating with herself like “should I give him the mistletoe kiss?? sounds gross but I feel so bad for him dammit” and decided to right there on the spot because she was lowkey curious anyway, which I’ll be honest is still an aro mood

OMG I’M ACCIDENTALLY SUCH A GENIUS OMG LISTEN NO LEMME EXPLAIN

SO LIKE. there are two (2) instances in this fic where I tried to pretend to be funny by dropping in the word “heartrate”. one is near the beginning, and the other is right here

in other words, the exact start and end points of Kim’s crush on Alix?? AND I DID THAT BY ACCIDENT OMG I’VE CHANGED MY MIND I’M PROUD OF MYSELF NOW

oh... oh no. uh oh. the dreaded evil Chapter Twenty Hecking Five

it’s called “Pain” for a reason. also my OG nickname for it was “Death”. also for a reason.

I even listened to Death Valley (the FOB song) on repeat while writing it (along with the next like 9 chapters lol) because the word DEATH just seemed so accurate

no really this is THE real turning point in the fic, where it stops being just a dumb teen movie and starts being all A N G S T Y

like this is the first chapter that has NO lightheartedness AT ALL

okay. here we go

this is all??? foreshadowing??? for dumb chapters like 30 and 34??? I Hate

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE SNAKE

I’M HAVING A HEART ATTACK JUST READING THESE WORDS THIS IS SO HORRIFYING ALEXA PLAY DEATH VALLEY

this is the equivalent of seeing a kwami die, for the record. like I know kwamis can’t die but THIS IS HOW IT WOULD FEEL

god this is even worse in hindsight knowing what happens later, bc poor Alix is all like @ herself “oh well it’s a nightmare so it’s not real” and I’m just like... oh dear. honey. sweetie. welp. I mean on the bright side you’re psychic so that’s kinda cool right

I love how Jalil is actually really sweet and a genuinely cool brother, you just never get to see it when Kim’s around bc he hates Kim lmao (I mean for good reasons..)

“I can’t live without this snake!” I MEAN YOU’RE NOT WRONG

these timeline powers are SO cursed man. why was I so evil and cruel holy actual shit

(the whole “some character deaths but not really” tag refers to all this clusterfuck btw)

okay it’s funny how this bit with Adrien is the Collector episode despite it not having aired yet when I wrote this, I guess I’m psychic too

Nathalie being sympathetic huh? not so much in the sequel when I get round to it...

Adrikins being all “I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER” I’m dying

uh yeah there’s a difference between being grounded, and like, literal actual house arrest

damn... capitalism really is bad

so is imperialism

fix this damn typo thing where I used the word “soon” twice in one sentence like was that really necessary

DUPAINCHIEN

I love how Kim is so obviously bi that even Marinette notices and straight-up tries to set him up with a hot commoner boy

oh noes here comes The Death

Hi Aish Snekwami, I am afraid

god imagine how horrible it must be??? to have something traumatic happen in another timeline but you’re still aware of it in this one so you still suffer the effects even though nothing bad happened in this timeline????

Max shows up for two seconds this chapter to remind everyone that I have an anxiety disorder again and then hecks off, good for him

HOLY FUCK?!?!?! IMAGINE LITERALLY DYING ACTUAL DEATH IN ANOTHER TIMELINE AND EVEN THOUGH YOU SURVIVE IN THIS ONE YOU STILL HAVE TO LIKE. FEEL THE WHOLE TIME YOU’RE DYING OF GODDAMN COBRA VENOM HOLY FUCK WHY DID I MAKE THIS SO ANGSTY

I mean I think I remember writing this when I was on a very heavy painful period which full-on incapacitated me but like even that’s nowhere near as bad as fucking. snake. bite (ye I did some research, it was creepy...)

man this is so evil... I can’t

THIS IS HOW IT FEELS TO DIE

god that’s so haunting ughhhhhhhhh

honestly whenever I stub my toe etc I always think to myself “is this karma for that time I lowkey killed Alix off in chapter 25?” and yeah, it probably is

OKAY THAT’S ENOUGH FOR NOW

#more like the misadventures of aish having anxiety #random stuff #misadventures

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pinkpuffballdude · 6 years

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WELL ALRIGHT THEN @shsltxt @siverwrites

A: Aptitude 1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young?

Celestia became a theif when she was uhhh really young, so she’s good at sleight of hand, but she’s always had a natural aptitude for talking people down.

2. what activities have they participated in?

Quite a lot? I’m not quite sure what this question is trying to go for, but I think “talking down a mob” and “convincing her party that her friend wasn’t the werewolf, no sir” would go up here.

3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for?

She had to learn to play the flute, and she had to train to get as good as she is at diplomacy

4. what things are they bad at?

I haven’t got her stat block on me, but I’m pretty sure she’s bad a something

5. what is their most impressive talent?

Diplomacy.

B: Basics 1. what is their hair color?

Dirty blonde

2. what is their eye color?

A sort of golden-brown color, almost like hazel? but without the green

3. how tall are they?

3′2″

4. how old are they?

She’s young, equivalent to about nineteen or twenty or so

5. how much do they weigh?

Again, no stat block D:

C: Comfort 1. how do they sit in a chair?

Oh, she sprawls, definitely.

2. in what position do they sleep?

She is most comfortable spread out on the bed, limbs everywhere

3. what is their ideal comfort day?

Probably doing some sort of concert for her friends.

4. what is their major comfort food? why?

This one Specific City’s street food, cause that’s what she’d go out with her chosen family and eat whenever they could (mostly after a successful heist)

5. who is the best at comforting them when down?

........... I really want to say Thela, but I don’t actually know. I feel like she’d put on this cocky, confident facade and wouldn’t let people know when she felt down. Probably herself, then.

D: Decoration 1. how would they decorate a house if they had one under their name?

Hobbit hole, like Bag End in the movies.

2. how would they decorate their child’s room?

Lots of natural colors, browns and greens, wood, probably a mural or two.

3. how do they decorate their own room?

Maps and leaves, for a bit of color and scouting places out.

4. what type of clothes and accessories do they wear?

Most of her clothing is pretty utilitarian, but I think she’d keep a coin or smth on a piece of string for luck.

5. do they like makeup/nail/beauty trends?

nah

E: External Personality 1. does the way they do things portray their internal personality?

I don’t think of her as much of an open book, no. Well, for her positive feelings, yes, she is, but not her more negative feelings.

2. do they do things that conform to the norm?

Not on purpose, unless it’s for a disguise.

3. do they follow trends or do their own thing?

I think she’d do her own thing, for the most part. If she spies something she likes the look of that just so happens to be in season, well, so be it.

4. are they up-to-date on the internet fads?

on what

5. do they portray their personality intentionally or let people figure it out on their own?

Diy my dudes, figure it out on your lonesome.

F: Fun 1. what do they do for fun?

Dumb jokes and hang out sessions. Alone, it’d be writing music/playing old favorites and plotting out her next move, be that a heist or a gag.

2. what is their ideal party?

My first thought was adventuring party, BUT UH I think it’d be something bright and colorful with loud happy music and tasty but not fancy food.

3. who would they have the most fun with?

Thela.

4. can they have fun while conforming to rules?

Ooo, that’s an interesting question. Yes? Y-es, I think she can. She’ll figure something out.

5. do they go out a lot?

all the time :)

G: Gorgeous 1. what is their most attractive external feature?

(why are you asking me this) Hair, possibly? I imagine it as being shiny and pretty, so.

2. what is the most attractive part of their personality?

Dumb jokes. Jokes in general.

3. what benefits come with being their friend?

You will never lose an argument against another party again.

4. what parts of them do they like and dislike?

She’s very proud of her ability to avoid conflict, or at least resolve it without violence, but she’s also pretty quick to anger, and she doesn’t like that.

5. what parts of others do they envy?

Okay so 1) height, 2) the ability to stop thinking for a little while.

H: Heat 1. do they rather a hot or cold room?

She likes being warm, so a hot room

2. do they prefer summer or winter?

Summerrrrrr, it’s pretty and WARM

3. do they like the snow?

It’s okay. You can make snowballs out of it though.

4. do they have a favorite summer activity?

Hiking

5. do they have a favorite winter activity?

Snowball fights

I: In-the-closet 1. what is their sexuality?

This ends up being a very very complicated question, because on one hand I am Very AroAce and Can Fucking Not roleplay romance in any way shape or form and am therefore very tempted to say aroace, but on the other I highkey ship her with one of my friends characters (it’s mutual, it’s fantastic) so I really want her to be gay or bi or smth. I’ll go with Probably Demi

2. have they ever questioned their sexuality?

nah, she’s chill with w/e happens

3. have they ever questioned their gender?

I don’t think she would, as gender roles (or gender, period, really) have never been that big a thing in her life? She goes out in pants and studded leather and braids her hair and has never once been told that she’s any less for any of it. So I don’t think she has.

4. would/was their family be okay with them being LGBT?

Yes. They were.

5. how long would/did it take for them to come out?

It wasn’t really a thing she thought about? None of her family made a big deal of not conforming (they were street rats, they already didn’t conform so who cared) so she just. Answered when asked. As for her party, they never asked (I don’t think) and she never volunteered the information. It didn’t seem important.

J: Joy 1. what makes them happy?

Her friends, and figuring out puzzles.

2. who makes them happy?

Again, friends, but mostly Thela.

3. are there any songs that bring them joy?

So there’s this one song that she always plays after a successful heist that she’s always played after a successful heist and while it was kind of bittersweet for a while there it’s a part of her life and her friends lives and it’s still a celebratory thing for her.

4. are they happy often?

Yeah.

5. what brings them the most joy in the world?

So she’s like Mr. Von Lipwig in that she feels the most alive when she’s duping some poor sod, or when she’s done the deed and Won, so when she’s winning.

K: Kill 1. have they ever thought about suicide?

Hm. Yeah. Probably between her family’s arrest and Professor Lorrimor, I’d say.

2. have they ever thought about homicide?

Oh absolutely.

3. if they could kill anyone without punishment, would they? who?

She’s not really got anyone on her blacklist rn, excepting the rat who sold out her previous family. She doesn’t know who that is though.

4. who would miss them if they died?

uhhhhhhhhhhh I can’t really speak for them but I think the party would???

5. who would be happy they died, anyone?

Probably the Whispering Way, idk.

L: Lemons 1. what is their favorite fruit?

Fantasy Hobbit Peaches

2. what is their least favorite fruit?

She’s never met a banana before in her life, but I don’t like them So Neither Does She

3. are there any foods they hate?

Travel rations suck. The hard tack and the dry meats and the salt and ugh

4. do they have any food intolerances?

I don’t think she would, no

5. what is their favorite food?

A honey-drizzled cake thing

M: Maternal 1. would they want a daughter or a son?

Indifferent, either is Good

2. how many children do they want?

None, really. Adoption is good though, then it’s however many.

3. would they be a good parent?

Possibly? She’d make a cool aunt though

4. what would they name a son? what would they name a daughter?

ohgodIhaven’tthoughtaboutthis uhhhhhh Samuel and Cinthia. Yes.

5. would they adopt?

Absolutely.

N: Never Have I Ever 1. what would they never do?

I’m still on an illegal things stint so my first thought was uhhhh bad, but a non-bad thing she’d never do would probably be..... pass up an opportunity to eat. Never know when the next meals gonna be

2. what have they never done that they want to do?

I don’t think she’s ever slept in a bed that was hers. So that.

3. is there anything they absolutely can’t believe people do?

Destroy others for the sake of it.

4. what is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done?

When she was first trying to figure out how to talk to people her flirting game was atrocious.

5. have they done anything they thought they’d never do?

She left that city.

O: Optimism 1. are they optimistic or pessimistic?

She tries really really hard to be an optimist.

2. are they openly optimistic, throwing it on others?

She doesn’t shove it down people’s throats, but she’s not shy about it either.

3. are they good at giving advice?

Yes.

4. is there anyone in their life that throws optimism on them?

There was, at one point, but not anymore.

5. were they always optimistic?

No.

P: Personality 1. what is their best personality trait?

Strong morals (but fuck rules)

2. what is their worst personality trait?

Rules what rules OR impulsive

3. what of their personality do others love?

Hmmm, I wanna say bubbly, though I’m not sure on that one. Humorous, I think.

4. what of their personality do others envy?

Man, I don’t know. The aforementioned relentless optimism?

5. do they hate anything about their personality/about other’s personalities?

Impulsive, quick to anger, and she hates people who just don’t care. She cannot stand them.

Q: Questions 1. do they ask for help?

From the people she trusts absolutely, yes. Anyone else, maybe. It’s a coin flip though.

2. do they ask questions in class?

in what

3. do they answer questions that make them a little uncomfortable?

Not usually.

4. do they ask weird questions?

I don’t think they’re weird.

5. are they curious?

Definitely.

R: Rules 1. do they follow rules?

When it suits her.

2. would they be a strict or laid-back parent?

Laid-back, but with a lesson and explaination on how to Not Die or get hurt. So it’d be rules heavy but in a rules of the world way, not My House My Rules way.

3. have they ever been consequenced for breaking a rule?

She was a thief for years, yeah she’s experienced consequences.

4. have they broken any rules they now regret breaking?

Nah. All of it was justified.

5. do they find any rules they/others follow absolutely ridiculous?

Probably. I don’t know all the laws of our campains world off the top of my head, so I can’t think of any, but there’s gotta be something in there

S: Streets 1. are they street-smart?

Yes.

2. would they give money to someone on the streets?

If she had the extra change, yes.

3. have they ever gotten in a fight on the streets?

No, I don’t think she has. She’s run away from people, but I don’t think she’s fought people in broad daylight.

4. has anything happened to them on the streets?

She lived there for a while, so yes.

5. are they cautious when out?

As cautious as she can be while still appearing nonchalant.

T: Truth 1. are they honest?

Ah ha, no.

2. can they tell if someone is lying?

I think she’s got a good Sense Motive, so yes.

3. is it obvious when they’re lying?

Absolutely not.

4. have they lied about anything they regret lying about?

I don’t think she has. Not during our campaign, at least.

5. have they told truths that have been spread against their will?

Probably. It’s statistically likely, though I don’t think any of them have gotten back to her.

U: Underdog 1. have they been bullied?

No.

2. have they bullied anyone?

No.

3. have they been physically attacked by a bully?

Nah, no bullies to attack.

4. have they ever been doubted?

Not on anything important

5. have they surprised people with being good at something?

Not that I know of, no.

V: Vomit 1. do they vomit often?

Wow, gross, no.

2. do they get lots of stomach aches?

I don’t know how she would, no.

3. are they good at comforting someone ill?

+16 diplomacy will do that for you, yes.

4. what do they like as far as comfort goes?

Backrubs and murmuring

5. do they burp, cough, or hiccup most when nauseous? when vomiting?

Nothing when nauseous or vomiting. Genuinely don’t know what this means.

W: Water 1. do they drink enough water?

She tries to!

2. have they learned to swim?

I think she’s got a positive modifier on that....

3. do they like to swim?

Not particularly.

4. can they dive?

Not off a diving board, if that’s what you’re asking.

5. can they swim without holding their nose?

Yeah, she can.

X: Xylophone 1. what is their favorite genre of music?

Folk! It’s happy and easy to dance to and sing along with

2. do they have a favorite song?

See above ^ (like way above)

3. do they have a favorite band/artist/singer?

Okay so like there was this one guy who played on this one street corner for years and she’s go there everyday to see if he’d come round to play and he was the best violinist she’d ever heard and she was so disappointed when he stopped showing up

4. can they sing well?

She doesn’t do it often, but yes.

5. can they rap?

can she what

Y: You 1. how old were you when you created them?

Nine or ten, yeesh

2. what inspired you to create them?

I needed a character for our campaign (I got her name from Blink, the Doctor Who episode, and just a random name I thought was pretty)

3. were they different when they were first created?

Absolutely, she used to be just a straight (ha) self insert and now she’s not

4. do you enjoy writing them more than other characters?

Playing, but, yeah, I think so.

5. what’s your favorite thing about them?

+16 diplomacy baby!

Z: Zebra 1. what’s their favorite animal?

Her dogssssss

2. do they like animals?

She loves them!

3. cats or dogs?

Dogs!

4. what’s their dream pet?

A Huge Fuck Off Wolf

5. do they have any pets at the moment?

A wolf and a riding dog (she’s so tiny..... )

Thank you for asking!!

#asked #true story #celestia sparrow #Dnd #aaaa I love herrrrr

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