#ITS NOT FUCKING FUN

[cat--boy]

im actually kind of fucking sick of people making me angry on purpose because it's "funny." you fucking idiots realize that rage is an emotion i dont like feeling right. my anger issues arent your fucking toy. i have legitimately almost cried multiple times because my FRIENDS start poking and prodding at me to piss me off.

#i shouldnt have to tell people that claim to care about me to stop making me mad for their own enjoyment #fucking losers dont you have lives #i dont like being angry!!!! #its not fucking fun #just because im laughing doesnt mean im having fun #it never shuts up

[waxydoll]

Every time i learn anything new about the song kick back from the chainsaw man opening i end up loveing it %100 more and im already at like %600

Theres just so many amazing things about this song

I cant cope

#chainsaw man #kick back #kenshi yonezu #king gnu #its just so fucking good #it matches the anime so well #and the lyrics are so perfect too #i didnt even know the lyrics matched until tonight #i never bothered to look them up for some reason #i lived the song enough on its own without knowing #but fuck man #i relate to this song and anime on such a fundamental fucking level #i too want a simple and easy life #i really only want the small things! i dont need that much! #and i am also angry and shitty that i cant get the basic necessities in life for myself! #its not fucking fun #people make you feel so greedy for wanting to survive hapily #its shit #and then this song and the anime also cover delusional loyalty #being loyal no matter what #getting kicked and coming right back with a smile #shit dude if that aint me #im loyal to a fault and often get compaired to a dog #but hey! if you love someone ofcourse you should be loyal! #you should always want better things for them #it only makes sense to simp hard for the people you love #shit dude this song is so much

[bigskydreaming]

Like, I am very conscious of the aid people have given me and try not to ask any more than is absolutely necessary because I do not enjoy asking for charity like at ALL. But I am less than a year out from when I had a twenty thousand dollar (out of pocket) surgery to address a longterm disability caused by a gaybashing when I was nineteen and that flared up about seven years ago and caused constant, daily migraines, chronic pain and other issues that limited my ability to work while I spent the next six years doing literally everything I could to save up for that surgery while maintaining an expensive as fuck insurance plan that was the only option for getting the surgery DOWN to that ‘manageable’ price tag in the first place. Between that and the costs of just staying alive for those six years, even with e-begging and lots of help from people, I wiped out every cent of my savings and put myself in massive debt and tanked my credit as that was the literal only way I could afford that surgery and regain a decent quality of life. I STILL don’t even have fucking TEETH because every single one had to be pulled in order to do the surgery since to realign my jaw properly, I needed an even bite and after years of destroying my teeth every time I used one side of my face and one side only to do my best to chew and eat food, pulling every single one of my teeth and getting as-literally-cheap-as-possible-dentures instead of trying to repair my teeth first was quite literally the only real option without further dragging out the surgery timeline because I was basically bedridden by the time I actually did get it. After years without being able to work regularly, my ability to go back to my old careers are basically nil and I’ll have to start over from scratch - when I can even afford to - as in the meanwhile, my job options were limited by having a years out of date resume and pretty much all of my paycheck does go to managing my debt, trying to rebuild my credit, and basic cost of living while scrounging together pennies to try and save up now for the many bone graft surgeries I’ll need if I ever want to get teeth implants instead of relying on dentures for the next several decades. So yeah, I ask for help, mostly just when I don’t have money left over for food or the couple hundred dollars I spend monthly in meds because lmao, my various neurodivergencies don’t really help with all of that and I literally can’t afford to go off my meds or miss my regular schedule with them without risking everything I HAVE managed to pull together in terms of routine and income-generating ability.

So do I enjoy e-begging? Fuck no. Am I constantly trying to figure out better ways to supplement my income? Hell yeah. I’ve been trying to put together things like a patreon where people actually get something in exchange for money sent my way, for like, months and months but when I’m not working I’m fucking exhausted because grinding nonstop for six years through constant chronic pain and stress with zero days off will do that to a guy, and I haven’t exactly been able to kick back and enjoy myself even since the surgery. 

And I do my best not to put shit like that on my posts and just keep things to the bare minimum because not only do I not love dwelling on all that, I’m genuinely not trying to guilt people into anything or play the sympathy or pity card because when you used to pride yourself on being independent and self-reliant pretty much from the age of ten because your family taught you from an early age not to rely on anyone but yourself, it’d take even more therapy than I have now to actually be okay with the fact that I’d probably be dead by now without the kindness of internet strangers having helped me stay alive at times when I hadn’t eaten in days because I was busy keeping a roof over my head instead.

But sure, random internet anons - my little post about asking for $5 or $10 is an attempt to make people feel bad about getting blue checkmarks or their financials in general, as opposed to whatever that was.

#yes Im being defensive and self conscious because lmao Im defensive and self-conscious #I DO genuinely hate being in this position every time I do send that post around. i hate it more than I can ever express #it makes me feel like even with all ive done Im STILL fucking at the mercy of random douchebags from almost twenty #fucking years ago who enacted consequences on my life I'm still dealing with decades later #ITS NOT FUCKING FUN

[emilnikos]

I need non autistic people to realise meltdowns are a real debilitating thing that has a serious effect on your mental and physical health NOWWWWW!!! The way its been trivialized and lessened pisses me the fuck off. It's not a tantrum and it doesn't come from "being too weak-willed" it's painful and it's embarrassing AND MOST OF ALL IT'S INVOLUNTARY!! Don't claim to be an ally to autistic or disabled people and then make fun of people who have meltdowns. Literally get the hell out of my sight

#i can't believe i have to day it but autism /is/ a disablity. its disabling. meltdowns are part of that. #'oh this is a lukewarm take' you dumbshit fucks have been throwing the word neurodivergent and meltdown around so #casually they have both been said at me with the same disdain as a swear word. you guys will accept making fun of autistic people #if someone jn your circle who is 'cool' does it first. at your big ages. shut the hell up

[caruliaa]

staff still hasn't given me polls, what should i do?

🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their moms 69%

🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their dads 31%

grace image os i get to look at her

#edit: edited the og post to what i want but to set the record straight i edited to the post to be mathematically correct right after the #first person pointed it out which was like ten mins after i posted the og post. now fuck offf !!!!! the rest of the tags r from the og post #for some reason i feel very immature making your mom jokes about tumblr staff. which i shldnt !! #bc they suck nd they still havent given me polls. but i ig i feel imature bc it a your mom joke 😭 but still i tihnk its kinda funny #EDIT: edited the post to what i want bc yall were getting annoying . but to set the record straight i edited to post to be mathematically #also its *mum* not mom okay i am NOT !! an american . but if i say mum everyone will j be like 'omg british' like i dont know i am #anyway. i want polls please. give me the rigght to force my mutuals chose between the most inane things #also i tihnk it wld b cool for the cs weekly blog. like w each episode #i cld do a poll of like. out of five stars what do u think of this ep #and it wld b a cool thing of which eps r ppls faves #also i cld have like. whose ur fave in team red whos ur fave in acme etc #id prob just have to go with vile faculty bc theres more than 10 ppl in vile. and ppl wld kill me if i didnt include nel the ell or whoever #it wld b fun !!! #oh btw csweekly thats i thing i want to start. prob on uhhh the 11th of feb ill post abt it more but its basically #a tag/blog for watching cs one ep a time watching one ep every saturday #ya !! :3 #flappy rambles #inaccessible #ask to tag #(<- idk. just in case)

[ash-and-starlight]

hades atla bisexual simulator

#id in alt text #hadesgame artstyle is the most poggers thing on this fucking earth let me just YOINK steal it #i haven’t played a single minute of hades in my life btw #but i’m familiar with its bisexuality #it calls to mine like a siren’s song #i wanted to add lil dialogue options to them but my brain farted before it got done so. this is what u get :3 #zuko #sokka #suki #yue #pondering the orb #my art #also: LAST ART OF THE YEAR BESTIE BELOVEDS THANK U FOR MAKING THE MORTIFYING ORDEAL OF SHARING ART SO MUCH FUN #KISSES FOR ALL

[connorsok]

before I played Disco Elysium, I thought Harry du Bois was a co-worker in the precinct you work at and, reading about him being such a fucked up guy, I was literally planning on avoiding him as much as possible in my playthrough... colour me surprised when I found the badge and found out the main character's name

#literally playing the game dreading when this fabled du bois character would pop up #then i find the badge.... see Harrier du Bois on screen #and i just go.... oh fuck... its me... im the problem guy #disco elysium #harry du bois #i love getting facts about media so incredibly messed up #it adds to the fun so much #1k #soy yo #disco elysium spoilers #rbs turned off cause im tired of seeing this in notes

[dogtheories]

barry berkman

#soda.txt #its been fun but i cannot stand seeing another note on this post im turning off reblogs now. goodbye sweet prince #go fight over whatever it is that i dont care about on someone elses post. thank you #and fuck annoying ass hamilton 2 pirate show fans and their show

[they-bite]

being in the saw fandom is so funny. non-horror fans think you’re sick in the head, sensible horror fans don’t like them/don’t wanna subject themselves to all that, extreme horror fans think you’re a phillistine. most of the fandom is dickriding either Brunette Guy or Brunette Girl. there’s 10.7 of these movies and 5 to 9 of them suck depending on who you ask. they’re all straddling the lines between horror, crime drama and soap opera. every single ship is utterly unmarketable. everyone has 2 saw jokes and they’re both bad. there seems to be a prevailing assumption that the puppet is the bad guy. the actual bad guy was confirmed bisexual on tiktok

#saw #saw series #they speak #for legal reasons this is in good fun/hyperbole for its own sake #also for legal reasons i do not actually give a fuck what extreme horror fans think #also YES im bringing up the jigsaw canon bisexual thing again i cannot be alone in this knowledge. do you understand what this means to me

[psrj]

demon king of salvation

#omniscient reader's viewpoint #orv #kim dokja #orv ruined my fucking life like two years ago #stupid fucking webnovel rewired my brain changed me as a person etc #and i cant come back from it so we're trying belated fan art as coping now #my art #fan art #art #oh this is gonna be another stupid fun reverse isekai i thought #this is gonna be so bad its good i thought #i cant fill these fucking CLOWN SHOES man

[whollyjoly]

i want the whole SEASON of bucktommy

i want buck being wooed - flowers and being taken out and a little protective hand on the small of his back

i want to hear all the soft ways tommy can say evan and the look on buck's face when he does

i want to see them at tommy's karaoke trivia place because holy shit buck would love it (and didnt oliver say that we're getting buck singing this season cause uhhhhh)

i love that this is such a fling, such a happy thing for buck - he is finally feeling that puzzle piece click into place and it is freeing

and i cant wait to see all the small ways we see that play out!!!

let buck be happy challenge 2k24!!!!

#i'll never shut up about this i fear #i am just SO happy to see a happy bi!buck exploring what his feelings mean!! #just getting to be!! and grow!! and flirt and have FUN!!! #god that euphoria when you realize that its okay that you dont have to choose you can just *be* #its so fucking real and i cant believe i get to see it through the eyes of my favorite character #is this?? real life?? #fuck me up man #otp: better ways to get your attention #bucktommy #kinkley #tuck #? #evan buckley #tommy kinard #911 spoilers #911 abc #911 on abc #im just so fucking shook i cant believe it #its REAL #em speaks #mine

[suntails]

toot toot!

#breaking my streak of dramatic af captions bc look at this. look at it. wtf was i supposed to call it. he's tootin whaddya want from me #he go TOOT TOOT on his lil trumpet i fuckgjn LOVE HIM im maxing this card im serious #lvl 60 10/10 no expense is too much for my precious boy #i found a new brush that has this rly soft charcoal vibe and i used it on this whole thing and it was SEXY it was HEAVEN #it was fun for coloring too!!! and the outfit colors are fun to color OUGHH everything made just for me <3 feeling SILLY #twst #twisted wonderland #twst silver #his bunny outfit sweeps like im sorry but its the best card of the event and its not even fucking close #suntails #i did one 10-pull bc i wanted the paint bonus from epel's card even tho i HATE that card #and i instead got SUPER lucky and got deuce and NO epel!!! i couldnt be fucking happier #then my job interview today never called and i was miserable again but it was an internal issue and im now rescheduled for next week #so please dear god pls guys pray i get this job. i want it sooooo bad

[umblrspectrum]

you'll never guess which movie i finally watched after 2 years of being lazy

#dont you just love it when your artstyle changes like 5 times in the span of a day #i saw emmachen1003 give them the glove type thingys and went “that looks cool. im stealing it” #so uhm. props to them for being awesome and making cool art #anyways that was a fun movie #not gonna say the title here cause i think it messes with searching and i dont wanna do that #that n frame is like the first time i have ever done a decent angle/perspective thing #im so proud of it you don't even know #murder drones #murder drones uzi #murder drones n #serial designation n #murder drones nori #absolute solver #i guess #or is it absolutesolver #whatever #oh yeah uhmm #murder drones episode 7 #murder drones episode 7 spoilers #murder drones spoilers #its been 2 weeks but im gonna give it another day just to be safe #just realized i fucked up the quote and its pissing me off so edited. go fuck yourself

[katabay]

ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS A KNIGHT...

the visual inspiration for this was a combination of Frederic William Burton's Meeting on the Turret Stairs and also Bernardo Cavallino's The vision of St. Dominic receiving the Rosary from the Virgin

this was supposed to be just a one off illustration to get the thoughts out of my system, but then I started thinking about medieval politics and warfare and plagues and a castle and home as both a place of refuge, a prison, and a tomb, so perhaps they will end up as ex voto characters as well.

you may say, hey! that rosary looks like it has too many beads! it's a fifteen decade rosary, probably. dominicans are really into marian devotions. it works out.

also. spiral style stair cases. oh boy. it was that unexpectedly more difficult than I originally thought it would be to draw. the more I think about it, the less I understand them, even though I had a million photos of the stairs in front of me while I was drawing it.

⭐ I have a tip jar (ko-fi)!

⭐ and other places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app

#the economy and my bank account are in shambles and i ended up stress drawing this whole thing in one go #its so many lines. the next time i draw this. because i will be revisiting this composition. i want to use a different inking brush #i think. but the next time i draw this it will be with solid blacks on the stair case steps i think #hey here's a fun fact for those of you who aren't catholic. did you know that kissing the ring of the pope/a cardinal/etc #grants you an indulgence. cardinals also used to kiss the pope on the mouth. also foot and hand iirc. anyway #there are no cardinals in this drawing but im saying if you write medieval/renaissance smut about men of the cloth #you can really amp up the friction between holy and seductive with a lot of the (gestures vaguely) that. #actually another fun fact about cardinals. their fun sun hat (it's called a galero) has some fucking weird as hell fever dream (literally) #origin lore. so if seductive isn't your thing. the horror of a thing that you wear is also extremely fun #esp when you get into medieval gender performances of clothes and how they define a person etc #generic medieval tag #original tag

[bastardlybonkers]

feetman

#hlvrai #half live vr but the ai is self aware #gordon freeman #gordon feetman #so idk if theres any like ‘metastory’ to there being a player or if its literally just supposed to be wayne #but i thought it would be kinda interesting for the player to be his own guy #cause like to me #a big part of it that makes it fun is that gordon has like #no actual stakes #dude is getting pissed for the sake of it #he knows its a game and is just freaking out at the ai being so alive u know #now since i cant remember if theres some kind of canon or metastory to the player you can completely decide for yourself why hes playing #or how he got the game #is he just some guy? is it an experiment? is it for his job? who knows! #hes The Player #also if ur wondering why his design is so similar to gordons #its cause i didnt wanna stray into the unrecognizable lmao #also. i really really really didnt wanna draw the fucking suit #and yes thats benrey on the tamagotchi #i think it would be very funny if he could cart them all around in tamagotchis #sorry for long tags

[splash-o-matica]

“Side order was short” babe youre not done until you unlock all of THESE

#GET BACK TO WORK BITCH #this is what roguelikes are. replayable #to unlock. More #splatoon #side order #side order spoilers #if youre wondering why mine is so low its because i ALMOST finished level 30 last night and then died. hehe #also i like playing sniper on this mode. so fucking fun #esp if you get enough weapon buffs