#IM NOT DOING WELL AND I DON'T THINK I CAN DO WELL ANYMORE

[matchakuracat]

chronically ill/physically disabled people, how do you deal with doctors appointments? what do you say/do to advocate for yourself? im autistic and not diagnosed with a chronic illness yet and i really struggle to know what to say to get them to listen to me and understand so that i can get the help and care i need. even if i bring someone with me, they also need to know what to say and i don't know anyone who understands well enough to explain to the doctor for me, which means that i have to tell them what to say before going. but that's the problem since i just don't know.

i have chronic joint pain that ive had for years but has only gotten worse over time. i also have hypermobile knees which are the worse they've ever been right now. i'm chronically fatigued and barely have the energy to eat and do basic hygiene. i have a few friends that i talk to fairly regularly and im very thankful for them but i still struggle so much with maintaining a social life when i cant even maintain my own physical wellbeing. i only go outside when i absolutely have to/when my pain is low enough and i have enough energy. on average i probably leave my house about once or twice a week, usually to go to medical appointments, to an internship i have once a week or to go grocery shopping. i usually try to do both at the same time if i can (like going grocery shopping after my internship) but most of the time i have to ask my parents to get me groceries since i dont have enough energy to. all i want is to be able to go outside just to take short walks and enjoy nature and the fresh air but i can't do so without the right treatment/a mobility aid. everything im doing right now is bordering the line of too much. im constantly tired and overwhelmed and everything feels like a struggle, even the smallest tasks most people do everyday without thinking twice about it.

i have almost only had bad experiences with doctors and other medical professionals like physiotherapists, which has given me a lot of extra anxiety on top of my already pretty bad social anxiety. i really struggle to make appointments and even more so to go to them, and when i bring myself to do so i really struggle to express myself and explain how i feel and how i want them to help me. i almost always get shut down and offered no actual help with any of my problems. i just don't know what to do anymore.

if anyone has any advice i'd really appreciate it. i know that i can't give up because my life right now without accommodations is too miserable, but i also don't know how to move forward.

sorry if this was hard to understand. i really tried my best to explain but im having a bit of a hard time expressing myself right now due to feeling worse than usual.

#chronically ill #chronic illness #autistic #actually autistic #physical disability #physically disabled #mentally and physically tired #chronic illnesses #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #undiagnosed chronic illness #undiagnosed chronic pain #cripplepunk #crip punk #cripple punk #chronic illness rant #disabled #actually disabled #disabled rant #mobility aid #mobility aids #medical gaslighting #doctors appointment

[our-genderfluid-experience]

hey

Tw: toxic perceptions ig

So i've been figuring my gender out lately and it's a soup, to put it that way

I mostly feel neutral, usually, like I don't think of myself as anything.

But then the way others perceive me shows up (im afab) and ohhh holy crap

I have a rather androgynous presentation and... yeah people get judgy( 'come on you're a girl!! Act like it!') And thats when I realise: no im not a girl

But there are also days when i dont care and just go "yeah i could"

And then there are days when I snap, hearing that.

And then there's also genderfuck culture and me loving to play around with my presentation and sometimes I just dunno anymore

I want to be able to show up like a freaking masc vagabond one day, all overshirts and layers and cargo loose jeans and stubble

Then I want a nice tight classy red dress and makeup and roses and dancing and stuff

The problem here might be with gender roles i learned/ i could be nonconforming cis and thats it

It's so confusing idk anymore

Identity basis: im fucked up I dunno

Now, ik this is messy and im sorry if it's triggering and I didn't mark it correctly

But opinions?

Also some fashion tips plssss

Tyssm

I feel you match the label genderfluid pretty well, but if that doesn't feel comfortable to you, my look into genderflux, or identities along that nature.

Some fashion tips: Sports bras if you can't get binders. I only recommend wearing two at once if you're going to wear more than one, but they make your chest look smaller. Also BAGGY SHIRTS. Baggy shirts are your best friend for chest dysphoria. You can also look up some makeup tutorials to look more masculine if you do makeup. I don't really get bottom dysphoria, so I don't know how to help there, but I hope the rest of the post was helpful

#our genderfluid experience #asks #genderfluid #thanks for the ask! #send asks #lgbtq

[mrsnancywheeler]

dude my billy brainrot is so bad rn!

anyways, ok so the band and muse go to a party, and this time billy is in a good mood and is obsessed with her. hes being really clingy and is just so in love with her. but then eddie starts flirting with her and says "you could do so much better than him". billy finds out and him and eddie almost get in a fist fight. but after eddie and billy almost fight billy goes to his muse and is all like "im sorry baby, i couldnt handle what he was saying, i really hope you know that i love you" and they fuck. but then the next day he is avoiding her a bunch and getting touchy with the other groupies and she is like "should i have listened to eddie?" i feel like this would happen earlier in their relationship before muse knows the cycle her and billy always go through

-🦋

billy dunne is literally my life

you're basically wrapped around billy the entire night, you both do a line off of each other, share drinks, it's like he's in a haze of just being entranced by you. he cannot stop kissing you, his arms wrapped securely around you, you're basically on his lap all night.

"I'm gonna write you a whole album, baby." and the feeling of his voice so near your neck makes you giggle which just makes him smile, "what?"

you shake your head smiling, "nothing." he keeps looking at you expectantly which makes you laugh again, "nothing! billy, I just-"

"you don't believe me? oh, that's what this is, you don't think I'm telling the truth!" somehow he's holding you tighter, his smile, the way he jokes makes your head fuzzy, well so does the drinks, but he does a number on you. the way he laughs, smiles, it's addictive.

"no, no, no, I do, I swear, scout's honor!"

"I think that only applies to actual boy scouts, baby."

"shut up" you kiss him and his lips make you dizzy, just as yours make him. when you finally pull apart he's just holding your face for a while.

"god, you're stunning, do I tell you that a lot? because you're so pretty. can I do another line off of you?"

you just rasp out a, "yes" and you've forgotten how public you are really at a party when you let him adjust you enough to do a line of your cleavage.

"let me go get us another drink, baby, I'll be right back."

"okay." you're smiling, adjusting your shirt as he squeezes your hand before he's off. no sooner is he gone then eddie is appearing

"he's only being that way for now, you know" he's drunk, you know he is to be so openly digging at billy like that.

"eddie-"

"two weeks ago he was doing lines off of some other chick's rack-"

"he didn't mean that eddie."

"he didn't mean what he did?"

"he fucked up, it was a mistake, eddie, it doesn't change anything."

"you don't deserve that." eddie is leaning closer over the couch rest, "you deserve better than him, the first guy you saw at the concert."

you stare back at him for a while, "eddie, if you think you could treat me so much better, you'd let me enjoy my night. which I was."

"one night is all he'll give you before he decides you're not that special anymore-"

"what the hell are you talking about, man?" billy is making his reappearance and you know eddie must be even more drunk when you thought when he doesn't even really try to cover.

"use your imagination." and eddie's words have barely escaped his mouth when billy's punched him in the face. eddie stumbles back for a second, but punches billy back and you've leapt up to get between them. and eddie's looking at you, shaking his head like he's done, and walking out. "whatever, man"

"eddie!" you're shouting, but he's gone, and you have other things to worry about. "billy, oh my god are you okay?"

"I'm fine, god, we need to find a new fucking bassist"

"don't do that, gimme your hand." you're looking at his knuckles and he's entranced by the way your brows furrow. "you can't just punch someone everytime they bruise your ego." his hand is suddenly moving to tilt your chin up, where he's smiling in disbelief.

"baby, that's not why I punched him." you're unamused by this. "I'm serious! baby, I did it because he was talking about you. acting like I didn't care about my girl. the girl I love."

"you love me?"

he looks dumbfounded by the question, "I just write all my songs about you, you basically live with me, I need you like air, so yeah, I do."

"that's good because I am so in love with you."

"this would be pretty awkward if you didn't." and next thing you know he's got you back at the house, laying on his bed as he proves it to you, it's really not fucking, it's raw, it's love making, and he makes you feel so appreciated.

that's until you wake up, and he pulls himself away just when you try to put an arm on him when you've woken up. he gets up, showers without a word, gets dressed, only says morning back when you say it, and walks out of the room. suddenly you feel like a one night stand, someone he never wants to see again, and there's a pit in your stomach. he knows it's because saying love has scared him, but he can't communicate that, he's just got to be destructive.

breakfast is him laying out instructions for everyone, moving away every time you try to get close, at some point you try to take a drag off his cigarette and he looks unbelievably annoyed which just shuts you down. and the ride to the studio is unbearably quiet, it makes you want to cry the way he doesn't acknowledge you.

it's gets worse at the studio when he doesn't acknowledge you at all and during a break is talking to the groupies, laughing, doing lines, having a drink, hands on them, and you do a line to deal with it before sitting back in the emoti studio so you don't have to deal with it. it's so fucking confusing. you're laying on the studio carpet when eddie walks in, looks at you, and lays down too.

you feel the energy of 'i told you so' radiating off of him, "eddie-"

"are you okay?"

there's a beat, "he told me loved me last night." another beat, "is this what it feels like to be loved?"

and he's rolling onto his side to look at you, "no."

you wish you didn't start crying, "then what did I do wrong since then? why is he doing this to me, I don't know why I'm not good enough."

"you are, he's too fucking stupid to notice what he's got right if front of him." and he's lighting a cigarette, handing it to you, "let's go to the record store, find something to listen to later. we can use my record player, you know it sounds better on mine."

and you do exactly that and wonder if maybe this is what it feels like to be loved, but it doesn't take away the desire your soul has for billy dunne. even if it makes you think that eddie could love you better.

#wanda 💋 #billy dunne x reader #billy dunne #eddie roundtree #djats x reader #🦋 anon

[cursed-coat-of-homosexuality]

AS IF IT WASN'T ALREADY ENOUGH THAT THEY REALEASED THE TEASER WHILE I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS

AS IF IT **ALSO** WASN'T ENOUGH FOR THEM TO RELEASE THE NEW PICS WHILE I WAS WRITING A FUCKING ESSAY

THE RELEASED THAT THING WHILE I wWAS 1 - WITHOUT MY PHONE AND

2- ALSO IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING CLASS AGAIN

3 - SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WEEK AGAIN FFS I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE CAN SOMEDOBY DRAG ME TO THE OCEAN REAL QUICK I NEED TO LIE WITH THE SHRIMPS I CANT CANTDCATN HOLD ON...HOLD ON HONLDL OH N

#IM NOT DOING WELL AND I DON'T THINK I CAN DO WELL ANYMORE #I CANT EVEN DO #NO DOING #ZERO DOING FOR ME #IM DONE WITH THIS SHIT #ofmd

[can-of-slorgs]

I'm personally blaming @starbiology and everyone who has reblogged or commented the other piece for this.

Bonus comic featuring my grundo:

#every minute i keep working on this i take psychological damage #neotag #neopets #vin memes #you'reall to blame for this monstruosity #i literally just searched “babygirl” pose and went “I... i can do that” #i didn't stop to think if i should though #Star i was gonna respond 2 the reblog with the first image only but decided it needed its own post for quarantining this... thing #again if youre seeing this with no context #you dont need context #i... i don't think there's any for that matter #just picture me writing all this tags while losing health in posion damage every turn #i am working on neo oc images i just need to render them but i.... i needed the world to see this before #my blog's already tainted anyway LMFAOO #yeah uh im dead in neo canon i drew this and inmediately got taken back by yours trully and never came back #also i'll try making a ref as well for my sona so i can draw them more im just really indecisive in what color to make him #split it is for now #i don't want to look at this anymore end me #i am making more drawings to kinda cover this thing from the light but at this point it just keeps reappearing like a mold #thats it im done see u all in kreludorian therapy #kreludorian health insurance in a farse

[layzeal]

something about the way wwx, against all odds and against his own plans, just kept living and surviving through events that he was certain would kill him, so by the time sunshot ends and his heart is still beating he just becomes... mellow

#he wasn't meant to have survived the core surgery. but he did #he wasn't meant to have survived the burial mounds. and he did #he knew damn well the risks of that surgery and he knew that making through these events alive was a slim chance #and somehow. because he's god's favorite pincushion #he just kept surviving #and by the time sunshot ends all he can do is drink and hang out with his ghost girls #all the disciples he knew are dead and he can't train the new ones. he doesn't have a core. he can't keep up #everything he has are the jiang siblings. his wine. and his ghosts #and i don't think he knew what he was supposed to do after that #he was living day after day and ???? then what? #how long will you keeo this secret wheb you're living under the same roof as the one you're keeping it from #idk where im going with this im just #i think post-sunshot pre-burial mounds wwx is a guy that wasn't supposed to be alive #which is why he's either super mellow or angry #he's not part of this cultivation world anymore and he knows it #two years of guidao instead of sword? ok #but ten years? twenty? people will be questioning #he hadn't planned to survive for this long and now that he did he doesn't know what to do with himself #modao #lace speaks

[thebirdandhersong]

layers of school and family and health issues and future planning and final exam stress aside, do you ever feel like there is a long ongoing scream inside of you that seems to have no end ha haaaa

#the ironic thing i think is that i'm sitting closest to the window rn #and i can see the boy i agonized over for seven months sitting with his girlfriend #very clearly in the reflection because they're sitting behind me :) #and no matter how loudly i play my music i can still hear them laughing together every once in a while! #he told me today that the thing he asked me to edit for him just won him a scholarship and i was like congrats!! #this IS what i've become to you! editor friend who cooks and brings snacks! #and it's like. well you don't NEED me anymore. which is a silly thought because he never did need me in the first place #(and the need to be needed is a bit... hmm.... there's a lot there i do need to examine carefully) #it's not even worth talking about boy no.2 who is kind enough to break anyone's heart lollll and who is definitely definitely #and clearly in every way definitely not interested or available or anything close to it #anyway im not in tears tonight lolll thank God i am mostly okay #but i think i need to take an early night :') clearly i am starting to be emotionally overwrought #it is not AGONY........ it is something quieter i think.

[carcarrot]

i love my job that's like if you asked someone to design a place specifically meant to frustrate, torture and overstimulate an anxious person

#i cant do this anymore. i obviously will but like i cant do this anymore #you might think college-eduated professional people in a fancy office building would have some understanding of personal space and manners #but you'd be wrong! #i am staying in this job for everything aside from the actual job itself which i hate #im just here for the pay the insurance and the time off #and the fact that i can carve out important goofing off time during work hours. which just means i can be on my phone lmao #that being said i do sometimes miss my cafe job #i was more my own boss there and often worked completely alone (yay) #whereas here even though im kinda the boss of my own floor. i still have to deal w my dumb supervisor and coworkers and manager #plus at the cafe i had sole control of the music that played there. very important. lots of steely dan #sometimes when the work got really busy it sucked and was overwhelming but it would stil calm down eventually #and ill always hate dealing with annoying customers. but at least there they LEFT #here its the same assortment of idiots every goddamn day. and theyre always around #like yeah the cafe job had annoying things (taking out the trash from the basement. up stairs) #but it did have its fun moments #it just didnt pay nearly as good as this job and had no insurance or paid time off. oh well #this has me thinking abt what if i owned my own place. but i don't wanna

[zevrans]

i finally finished bg3 2 nights ago ya'll 😭🥺

#i specifically looked up when i made a post about that my pc can run bg3 it was 2 months ago damn!! #it took me so long with trying to do every sidequest and i still managed to miss a lot of stuff 😳 #i skipped a couple of act 3 quests too i skipped dribbles that baldur mouth gazette one and i think some others too #because i couldnt be bothered anymore trying to finish it faster 😂😭 #and i still misssed stuff in act 1 🤡 for example that shovel thingie or what's it called 😭 #anyways the ending overall i liked but there's almost no companion endings or what?? #i felt like we deserved a cutscene for each companion and an extended for romanced one?? #and i didnt even get to see karlach last time 🥺 it just said that her time is short and it skipped to astarion future plans scene 😭 #i didnt want my tav turn illithid so i turned orpheus although ididnt want that for him too but oh well 😫 #still don't understand why emperor straight up did 360 degree turn and joined the absolute even before i freed orpheus #like he didnt consider even for a sec orpheus would provide shield for him even tho he later agreed emp was right #about this whole thing needing and illithid i mean #anyways im considering doibg gale romance run but now i need mods and to decide if i replay from start #or from my act 2 save in moonrise where if i reject astarion 🙈 my gale romance activates??

[nordicbananas]

i wanna bite someone's head off :/

#*cough my mother cough* #reminding my why i have mommy issues frfr #im in a deep state of fear rn because if im called for i won't be able to hear it then mother shall get upset at me #bleh. #i don't think people are real anymore #I don't know. *anything* anymore #but hey I'm doing well now :D #I just know that she could never be like this #she could never lol #I'm so excited for when I can get out of here. #<3 #AND THEN ILL GO AROUND THE WORLD AND HUG ALL OF MY MOOTS MWAH MWAH COME HEREEEE <3333

[kaeyapilled]

So with the hangout.. do you think that settles the issue of mistranslation or not of Kaeya and Diluc being brothers?

is it even possible to settle it? i feel like there must be some insane cultural difference between me as a western person and chinese people when it comes to adoptive siblings because, i honestly don't see how the biological son of the guy you consider your adoptive father isn't, by extension, your adoptive brother; how would that relationship not be familial? even when you bring in the "sworn brothers" trope as a means of queercoding, which is a concept ive had explained to me more than once – like, okay? i agree that it's true you can't properly translate/localize that, but. how else did you want them to translate it? even if the word brother was never used once in the eng translation, how do you make it so that kaeya and diluc calling the same guy "father" doesn't imply some uncomfortable things if he and diluc are romantically involved..? but then, who knows, maybe i just don't have enough knowledge about how censorship works in china, how they do queercoding over there, how they deal with adopted relationships, whatever. it's fine. different cultural upbringings, no? it's funny when it's the western side of the fandom discussing this, though. because you'll have these extremely white people arguing with you about the intricacies of chinese BL media. as if either of us knows what the hell we're talking about. anyway, none of this matters in the end because most klc shippers just... like the incest. and the day we stop arguing about mistranslations and simply accept that people either 1) see this relationship in a different light due to their cultural background or 2) are a little bit of a freak online is the day i will finally know peace as a kaeya fan

#i dont think this will be settled until we stop asking if it's settled. what if we just don't speak about it anymore #me: no i dont do discourse. sorry. *five minutes later* #first and last time i will spend this many words on this topic #and i hate the ''it's just fiction'' argument because yes. it is just fiction. #im not gonna come here and say this has an effect on real life. of course it doesnt this is gacha game yaoi #and i wont say that people aren't well within their right to engage with this sort of content either #i dont think it necessarily means anything about the moral values you apply to reality #i myself am into things in fiction that i find horrible in real life. why wouldn't i extend this same logic to proshipping? #doesn't change the fact that it's something i find weird and uncomfortable. #and that it's something that a Lot of people are going to find weird and uncomfortable #and that acting like this is just a regular pairing between two random guys is.. frankly really dumb #if you're gonna be weird about it at least own it! admit you're just into things society perceives as very gross #and tag your thing correctly so i can filter it out and block me so i never ever have to interact with you in my life #Okay. that's out of my system now. i apologize for posting discourse #complaining tag #askpilled #discourse

[kicksnscribs]

...

#so like #this has been bothering me for years now and i have to get it out now #but i don't want it to really be /out/ there so im just gonna ramble in the tags for a sec #but im so confused as to how ppl will look at my art style and ask me #hey can you do me a commission in [insert style that is a complete 180 from what i draw]? #and i just sit there thinking to myself #where did you get this connection from? #why do you think i'm capable of pulling off this style when i have posted nothing that would even remotely resemble the style that you want #are other artists just better than i am? #am i missing something? should i be able to draw like that despite my love for my current style? #i want to be angry but i know i cant be bc i don't have all of the info #well maybe angry is a bit much more like upset #bc it pulls my confidence down into the gutter #AND ITS ALWAYS LIKE THAT #everybody thats seen my art is always like hey can you draw something cuter/simpler/more like this style #and i just have to sit there and stew in my own depression bc no??? i literally cannot???? why would you ask me this???? #idk im giving up on being a marketable artist #im just gonna sit here and draw my stuff #im not too pressed to publish anything anymore bc its just not what ppl like #and im starting to become ok with that #but man it sucks bc i like sharing ideas #but interaction is next to nothing so i feel like im just wasting time #this isn't directed at anyone specific just me pointing out the patterns of my life from grade school to adulthood #tag rambling #i had to get it out im sorry its just been getting too much lately and cant keep shit in anymore #so fuck it lol

[larrysballetslippers]

.

#it's been a while that I put something in the tags but Im very lost atm for reasons i don't know #i don't know if Im nervous to see my friendgroup from uni again because my ex crush is going to be there and I have to pretend everything is #fine while also not getting frustrated by that toxic friend that I can't stand anymore #or if it's because im feeling so damn empty from getting on a dating app after being rejected by said ex crush #i don't know know why Im on there my friend said it was an good idea but Im already regretting but I can't just delete it or whatever #because I actually have some people I have been talking to but why do I feel so empty then?? #why does it feel like my life has been sucked out of me today? it can't just me the amount of interaction im sure that's not it. #i thought ... i thought this would make me happy to try bew things to get more attention from people get more confident #but why can't I shake this depression like feeling off #because I know this feeling well but I hope it doesn't stay please don't stay #how will I get better like this? am I still healing? i know I am but I was fine just yesterday just yesterday I didn't think of him #so why can't I shake this? #i have no answers I have nothing and I can't talk to anyone about it either because I don't even know what's going on #please just let me understand so I can heal this fix this #please just make me okay again #i can't start the year like this #please

[mainfaggot]

another shit fucking day but in the most casual way possible bc all i did was sulk study cry study sulk and finally, sulk in the shower. chai next and then bed . fuck my stupid baka life forrealsies

#i almost had an argument w my mother over nothing at one point bc i was so anxious about nothing and everything at once and well #i keep thinking. idk what im doing anything for anymore #like when we were arguing i was like wait what if she brings up how shes giving me a ride to uni multiple times this week #and then i was like wait if she says that. I'll just tell her not to. and then ill skip class. and then ill drop my classes and get a refund #and then ill drop out of uni. and then ill kill myself! #mind you i was thinking about all of this and the argument didnt even go in that direction in the end bc it was over very quickly #ljke. what ks wrong with me #i keep thinking that if my parents get pissed at me for being good for nothing despite me trying my hardest not to be #i really will end it all finally like Actually #bc i dont understand anymore. why are they paying for my stupid medication and tuition #theyre too nice to me #i know they expect me to send them money in their ideal imagined scenario in which i get a good job after getting a masters degree #and i know they expect that I'll take care of them when theyre old bc in their ideal. imagined. scenario. i 1) dont off myself in the next #few years 2) am not a lesbian who ruins the whole family dynamic by coming out and 3) get a well paying job and a husband #so. so yeah #but right NOW theyre nice to me and they take care of me but also i think everything is pointless but i try anyway because they take care #of me and they want me to be well but how am i supposed to be Get Well if i don't believe in myself #like i dont think thats possible really. #maybe a tiny bit? like maybe i won't be Well but i can be better. yeah i can do that #so i guess thats why im still trying #but then it's like. being Better is so. marginally different from being at rock bottom in a way #like yeah its significant improvement clinically but to me it's still casually miserable in its own unique way bc it's better but its still #very much present lingering choking me etc #so that brings me to the following: #im trying so hard but for what exactly? 'just keep going!' but at what cost? but why when im still like this? #z.post

[ozlices]

v personally & candidly speaking i rly wish how much depression can fuck w a person's ability to keep up w their personal hygiene was discussed more & w more empathy/sympathy attached.

during depression spikes my ability to keep up my personal hygiene is the first thing to go & it sucks. i Feel gross & i can't do anything abt it bc my executive dysfunction keeps me chained down in a dirt covered chokehold. sometimes for over a week.

& it's also v difficult to combat bc my disabilities make showers rly rly draining for me. like ik once i shower im down for the rest of the day, so that just adds to it as well.

i have numerous alternatives i TRY to do when im stuck in that layer of hell for awhile, but sometimes they take even more mental energy than just simply forcing myself to shower & if i could do that i wouldn't be needing to consider the alternatives in the first place

idk i just. like. it sucks feeling fucking disgusting bc u physically cannot bring urself to take care of urself & it's completely out of ur hands & knowing ur also probably judged for it u know

#idk if this even makes sense i was just thinking abt it while i was in the shower #bc it's been long enough since my last one prior that i don't rmr when it even was #& it's rly draining honestly #i can't take baths in this stupid fucking house & it sucks bc when i can take baths i do rly well w keeping up w them #they're so relaxing & comforting for me but i Have to take showers here & they're so exhausting & even painful sometimes #like the worst part of a bath is having to clean the tub but i can manage that since ik the bath will soothe me #a shower? im just in pain from standing & i can't hear anything over the water & im so tired from standing & it sucks #ive had a v v v rough couple weeks i dont even wanna hold convos anymore i just wanna be outta this gd house im so miserable #mine

[altruistic-meme]

learning new skills is FUN. (<- actively banging head on table)

#ok i AM having fun but also look at all my sad failed/test signatures :((( #im going to have to figure out how to recycle these cuts there are simply So Many #this doesn't even include the stay random fucksd up pages i have as well #and trust me there will be more bc i have to figure out how to fix the margins on a typeset that i didn't make #i don't even want to think about that anymore though #on the bright side!!! i only have like one thing left before i have reached the point with stl that i can actually OFFICIALLY #print all of the signatures!!!! #I've returned to only doing 1 book as I've i fixed that margins the page count webt from 931 pages to 707 pages :')))) #which is HUGE #cus eiat is 718 pages currently and i was only going to do 1 book for it so!!! #also need to figure out how to.... embroider........ for that one......... #bc naturally i love making things hard for myself <3 #anyways #I'm going to take a break from using my brain now #shh ac #adventures in bookbinding