#I've had a REALLY tough semester but there have been so many things keeping me going | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bethanydelleman · 1 year

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Not Jane Austen related, but could you tell me about your career as a cognitive neuroscientist?

Sure! Now I will be clear, I don't have a PhD, I have an MA, but the definition of "scientist" doesn't include your degree level and it’s the easiest term to understand.

My MA is in cognitive neuroscience and I mainly studied how fear changes our ability to remember things. You can read my dissertation if you want. I also spent a lot of time working with seniors and I have taught courses on how memory changes as we age. My job title has mostly been “research assistant.” I mostly studied memory, but I had an interest in language development and OCD.

After I graduated, I taught brain function and research methods for two semesters at a small university as a sessional lecturer.

Then I got a job as a research assistant to family doctors. I really loved that job. The research I was doing was public health focused. We looked at offering free legal advice to our patients, helping seniors take their medications on time, helping family medicine residents study for their exams (two papers out of that one!), and the needs of family doctor training programs in low income countries. (Many of these are available free to read online)

Here I need to say something about research: it doesn’t matter what you are an expert in, it matters that you know the process. The doctors I worked with were the experts, but because I know the basic methods of research, I can apply these to any project I encounter.

Then I spent a year in a different department doing heart health research. This research was more qualitative (people's experiences) than quantitative (things I can do statistics on) so I didn't enjoy it as much. But I was between pregnancies and I needed a job.

I am planning to get back into research again soon, I took a break when my kids were both in daycare and I opened my own home daycare, which ended up being a very good move, because the pandemic hit right when I would have been heading back to work after maternity leave (I live in Canada, one year at 50% pay). That is what I am doing now but I keep involved in science by continuing to participate in the peer review process. Peer review is always done on a volunteer basis and on your own time.

Now if you are thinking of getting into science, I know some things have happened recently with the whole pandemic, but let me say: it's a tough field. Researchers like me are often only hired on temporary contracts because our pay is based on grant funding. Despite advanced degrees, many of us are not paid very well at all and because of the short contracts we don’t have job security.

I was actually enrolled in a PhD program but I realized I wanted to do more applied research, which my supervisor couldn't offer. I also became aware that in the job market, the PhD wouldn't give me that much of an edge because I didn't want to be a professor.

Why not a professor? I don't like all the parts of the job. It is constant grant applications, a lot of training grad students, teaching rabbles of undergrads, and a lot of paper writing and revisions. I like some of those things, like teaching and statistics, but not others. Also, as a Canadian, it's almost impossible to get a job without first moving to the United States or Europe and I didn't want to do that. I've been watching friends have marriages fall apart because they both have PhDs and it's very hard to get post-docs in the same province or country, let alone city...

Universities are also hiring less full professors and more sessional lecturers. SLs are paid almost nothing and you have to accept a very high course load to make a reasonable living. Also no research, you just teach.

Which is all to say, get a PhD if you really love the subject matter, but the career prospects afterwards are rough. I love doing it though, so I most likely will be returning. Right now I’m using all my extra brain power on Jane Austen analysis and writing JAFF.

And for fun!

Here is a picture of my actual brain, which I lay perfectly still in an MRI for 1.5 hours just to get (look at that beautiful cerebellum, those healthy white matter tracks... I’ll stop):

And me doing a traumatic brain injury study (I fell off a cliff once) in an EEG:

And me cutting up a sheep brain (best day ever!)

#question response #some personal stuff #not jane austen #BRAINS #but not in a zombie way

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leeteraly · 2 years

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hey 😬

good meowning mwah hru i hope u're doing well or else i'm kicking life on the nuts

sorry if i haven't sent asks for a little while heh <3 life's been a little busy recently and i haven't really had the energy to talk to ppl these days 😔 also i'm running out of vacation days and i think i haven't rested properly like not even 5 mins <////////3

at this point i think it's impossible #ThatSucksIGuess

also recently i remembered that i haven't been dancing for like 3 years by now due to like some financial difficulties and yeah like i've been scared shitless for 2 years and 8 months because what if i never get to dance again 😐

which is a problem for me cuz like literally i've always been kinda really passionate and fixated on dancing and idk i feel like dancing was the only thing that genuinely was keeping me sane and happy with life it's a part of me that i have lost #MyFirstDeath etc and blah blah it's been really bad and also the whole covid situation doesn't really help y'know

ANYWAY sorry for that many words u can respond with 3842764969 paragraphs of ur life worries as well, i love u 😁 💕💕💕💕

yahir baby boyey hi wow lifes been tough im sorry

oh wow you dance? i love that im a very shitty dancer give me lessons fr

im sorry im replying so late i have been swamped w school and stuff and im so tired i feel like kmsing myself so much and im really sorry i havent been responding and been online anyways i hope you are feeling better now oh and btw i need updates on the cat and the cati (as well as their pics 😠)

my exams start from 1 september and my slyabus is so huge like i have all the chapters we did in the previous grade as well as what we have done in this academic session (I am in a board class not sure if you have that stuff but basically its like a 2 year long academic session has 4 semesters so im now giving 3rd semester exams)

anyways love u bby dude

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feminineenergy2024 · 10 days

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My Journey Through Life

As the semester comes to an end I have experienced deeper emotions along side with Art and all it's beauty. I have been more aware of certain art comes in many forms of expressions, creative skill and imagination. To me art also comes from emotional power it’s a feeling you get when looking at a picture or hearing a song. This semester has taught me really how tough I really am from juggling work full time, school full time and being a new mom full time. None of this was easy but looking at my son made it worth wild Being a new mom means everything changes. From the time you find out you’re pregnant your whole mindset changes. I say embarrassing self love because you have to learn to love yourself all over again while trying to figure out how to be a mother, a wife, a student coming out of postpartum depression.

The assignment where we had to chose a painting that we can relate too. She is me that painting she looked sad but also she is strong enough to still have a positive mind to keep watering herself to become a better version of herself. With the flowers growing on her head it symbolizes that she is finding peace, joy and love again. She is putting herself through the ring to find that once more. As she tries to put herself together it’s not easy it’s draining but the journey is worth it. I say she is me because this art describes a lot about me when really looking at it on a deeper level. That art work was very important and personal to me and let me tell you why. This last year have been the most challenging for me. I say this last year because not only did I become a mother I became a new women. When we go through life being careless and free you have a different outlook on life which was me. I was always so happy, goofy, not really taking things too serious. I went through life so freely not having a care in the world to now being worried, scared, anxious and depressed. Depression was one of my biggest emotion and I didn’t understand why.

After doing many assignments for this class I've learned a great deal of art it made me look at the city I live in differently for insist What I think about the sculpture assignment it says a lot about our community and we as a community are strong and we stand together. For example when we to hit the Hurricane Ian it was a scary time. But at the same time I was so proud of our community and how we help each other restore the community to us our community is important and everyone around volunteered and worked together. Living in Florida I haven’t really got he chance to know it’s history and it’s beautiful art work.

My interests are still history, society and politics and what I mean by that is when we look at our world today it all goes back in time. That I feel as if we are paying for it today. Our history is very important to learn about because as more time goes on more is being exploited. As our society now we are glued to our phones which is a good thing because now everything that’s happening in the world is being recognized through social media and politics are being shown more than ever now. As a society we are very much involved in the political world fighting for rights and freedom.

Learning about having a domestic space is a space were the home is distant and private space now the photos I chose where photos of my mother’s home. I choose my mothers home because the home is a domestic space that I believe it does serve its purpose as a domestic space. These songs I chose have a special meaning and emotional connection. And all while living in that home is where i remember these songs. These songs played at some point in my life that make me reflect on the good times in my life. They bring out my personality, my interests and my mood. I feel like when listening to certain music it bring out a joyous moment. If you noticed the songs I chose have kind of the same rhythm most of it county with a kick and rock. This final song I chose is a song that brought my mother and I closer together we would sing this song together. I also grew up with Dolly always playing in my living room. As well as makes you want to put on your dancing shoes and start dancing.

Seeing how fast the first year went and how much we have both learned from each other. As fast as he has grown I feel like I've grown with him. Capturing them moments we will never get back. I can't believe how big he is and the fact that he is starting to walk It reminds me when I see him trying to find his balance that, that's what life is essentially trying to balance yourself through out life and that is what he will be experiencing trying to figure life out.

Thank you Professor for a great semester!

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servin-up-surveys · 1 year

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survey #094

(taken december 28th last year; uploading surveys taken while gone)

Do you prefer light-coloured eyes or dark-coloured eyes? In general, light.

Are you similar to your sibling(s), personality-wise? How so? Not really, except my mom's oldest daughter Katie. We are VERY similar and I really wish I got to see her way more than I do; she lives in Kentucky. We're both bipolar and deal with a lot of emotional stuff, and we both have a calm, quiet external personality.

Do you watch amateur song covers on YouTube? No. I like some cover artists, but I wouldn't call them "amateurs" by this point in their YouTube careers.

Has someone ever told you that you didn’t have a backbone? How did you react? Been called spineless, yes, and it hurt, but not nearly as much as other shit she said. In some ways I can see her perspective about that in how I handled the situation and I wish I had carried out our split differently, however I absolutely had my reasons, like I genuinely thought we'd both be better off with how I did it.

Do you know who the members of your favourite band are dating? Well Ozzy is obviously married to Sharon, but I don't know most of the Rammstein guys' current partners because really most of them are private with their personal and family lives and the info isn't really public.

What is the longest time you’ve gone without brushing your teeth? I'm not comfortable sharing this because hygiene neglect is a very legitimate problem I've been through because of depression and self-worth and stuff, and I'm finally paying for it with so much dental work in the process. Take care of your teeth, people, you've got ONE pair of adult teeth and your neglect will inevitably eventually show.

Are there any songs that got you through tough times? Which one(s)? Oh my lord in heaven, I could list probably near 50 that played very deep roles in keeping me going, but I'll try to pick out a few super strong ones. "It's Alright" by Mother Mother is one of my absolute go-tos for comfort and reassurance, "The Ghost of You" by My Chemical Romance is a song I JUST became able to listen to again because I binged the shit out of it and sobbed my eyes out to it after Jason's mom died, "Lost It All" by Black Veil Brides was a significant piece in my worst depression, "Another Life" by Motionless In White (along with a metric shitload of over songs, mainly BY MiW) was SUPER significant as I grieved Jason... There's just so so so so SO many, dude.

Would you be interested in going to see a psychic? Absolutely not, I don't give money to scam artists.

What is the most recent band you’ve started listening to? I'm kinda getting into Ghost.

Did you have a lot of role models as a kid? Uh, maybe not "a lot," idk. There was mostly Steve Irwin, Jane Goodall, Jeff Corwin, Jack Hanna... Mostly animal lovers and educators.

Do you feel like anyone looks up to you? Why or why not? Absolutely not. Because I'm, y'know, *gestures at self*

What are three things you hate about your country? Our healthcare system and how human wellfare is handled in general, how incredibly poorly we "take care" of our homeless (it's NOT a worldwide thing where homeless people are treated like fucking roaches in a gourmet restaurant, but America is wonderful at doing just that), and how could I NOT mention how fucking arrogant and "superior" an alarming chunk of our population think this country is, NA imperialism is a massive problem and makes this country look like a fucking joke.

What are three things you love about your country? I mean in general it's a strong place for various opportunities, it's advanced in many areas like proper and safe housing, very impressive medical capabilities, etc., and it has an incredible amount of environment diversity.

If you had to study abroad for a semester, where would you like to go? GERMANY. Spending a year there and therefore inevitably being regularly exposed to the language would help me learn SO much, I'm sure.

If you had to study in another state for a year, where would you go? Somewhere to the west, with plenty of forests and just be surrounded by nature. OR Michigan. I want to visit Arizona, but a year might be too much for me because of the heat.

Who is the nicest person you know? Probably Mazzy, honestly.

Do you act fake on Facebook? lol hell no, I am very open about things like political, religious, and ethical stuff and I know it pisses off family and probably disappoints old teachers, I just don't care.

Do you feel comfortable sharing opinions online? For the most part, yeah. I'm way more comfortable doing it online than in person, and as I get older the more willing I am to share regardless of environment.

[TW: GENERAL ABUSE, SEXUAL ABUSE] Have you ever been abused, kidnapped, molested, or harassed by a cop? I consider myself immensely lucky that I have not been, but I absolutely was harassed as a child by two male peers.

Do you feel safe where you live? For the most part, yes. No one cares about this little shitty section of North Carolina, lol. We're not on anybody's radar. However, I do sometimes think about how if DC got hit by an atomic bomb or something similar, I'm pretty damn sure we would be within pretty damn close impact and be wiped out. I don't think about it a lot though at all, it's a total chance situation that I have absolutely zero control over, so whatever.

Where have you considered moving to? Western NC. That's where one day I want Girt and me to be, in the mountains.

Do you want to move? Desperately. Both Mom and I absolutely loathe this place.

Are there any good churches in your town? I don't believe in "good" churches.

Have you been falsely diagnosed with something by a bad doctor? Yep. Can y'all believe I have ADHD? I did NOT stay with that psychiatrist long, the therapist that worked with her was fuckin weird too.

Have you ever had a doctor refuse to treat you? Uh I don't think so at all.

Who has isolated you and refused to speak to you? Well, Jason, but by this point I don't want to talk to/associate with him either.

Do you have a Nintendo Switch? No.

Have you played Breath of the Wild? No, I'm not a Zelda fan.

Has anyone ever specifically painted you a painting? I remember Juan gave me a Pikachu painting he did in art class once, but idk if he made it FOR me.

Do you feel a connection to the moon? Not really, but also yes. I'm one of those "everything is ultimately connected/as above, so below" people and believe in our very, very core, we all originate from one specific starting point, and that technically connects us to the moon, but I don't feel some like, spiritual connection to it and the connection that DOES exist is so so SO very strained by time.

What are some fall activities you would do with your kids? If I ever have kids, fall will definitely be something I look forward to. I'd seriously decorate the house for Halloween for sure, maybe a bit for Thanksgiving too, and I think I'd wanna make crafts with leaves and stuff with them. At LEAST once I'd absolutely wanna let them jump in a big ol' raked leaf pile. Decorating pumpkins is a must, and I'd definitely wanna pass down my love of Hocus Pocus and other Halloween movies. We will ABSOLUTELY go trick-or-treating, I will drive far to ensure my kids experience a fun, safe, traditional Halloween instead of just that trunk-or-treat garbage. :( As they got older I'd be willing to let them have access to more spooky stuff, like I would without a fuckin DOUBT get the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark books, let them go on haunted hayrides and visit haunted house attraction-type stuff, etc. I think it'd be a total fuckin blast to go ghost hunting with my teen kids, lol. YEESH there's more stuff I would want to do but this is already long AND the topic of kids kinda stresses me out now so moving on.

Have you ever seen a fox? Yes, but they're disappointingly rare to see here. :( I actually saw a pretty damn rare sight the other day, a roadkilled red fox, and I was so sad to see it dead. You never see the red and white ones around here.

What color are the squirrels where you live? We have gray squirrels (basically a dull brown with white-ish highlights) around here.

Do you find museums boring or interesting? I LOVE museums, especially science ones. It's a total fucking DREAM for me to visit one with a fossil display, I've never seen one. :(

What was your favorite girl group when you were growing up? Uh, most likely Spice Girls.

Who is the last person you cut out of your life? Mini, once and for all. I don't support transphobic, pro-life bigots.

Name ONE good memory about your last ex? It was just a very new experience, dating a girl. I also felt just extremely connected to her in a friendship sort of way, like one of the tightest friendships I've ever felt, pretty much right when I met her in real life. I was immediately so very comfortable in her presence.

What are you superstitious about? Nothing.

Have you ever had feelings for two people at the same time? Yes. Not like insanely deep ones, but crushes.

Do you study better with or without music? Without.

How many kids do you want to have? I will probably have none, but if I do decide I want children, I absolutely will not have more than two.

Who’s the last person you smoked weed with? I've never smoked.

Who is the person you have hurt the most? Maybe my mom? Or Jason? Sara, maybe? Idk.

Who is the person that has hurt you the most? Jason.

Have you purposely flirted with a friend's crush? As a pre-teen, yes. THAT was an event.

Do you have any siblings that moved away to college? Ashley did when she was in college; she lived in a dorm with friends.

Who’s the last guy to give you roses? Tyler.

What’s the largest animal you’ve ever had as a pet? Cali, a boxer mix.

Could you possibly write a successful novel? I think I could, but I won't.

If you had to get a portrait tattoo, who would it be of? My dog Teddy. I still might do that, but I also may revise his tribute tattoo, idk yet.

Did you get carded the last time you ordered an alcoholic drink? No.

Would you ever consider moving to another country for your career? No. That's the primary reason I never pursued being a meerkat biologist.

Do you own a Kindle? No, I strongly favor physical books. Digital ones just aren't the same at all to me.

Have you ever made a sex tape? No, and that's not something I'm ever willing to do.

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “Monday”? In this instance Orgy's cover of "Blue Monday" came to mind, lol.

What is your favorite fruit? Strawberries. I also really enjoy kiwi too, though.

What was the last photograph you took? I took some photos of the Christmas tree a few days back!

What was the first sport you learned how to play? I feel like it was soccer... but I absolutely hated it. It may have been t-ball, which I did enjoy as a kiddo.

Do you like to hold hands? If you're my s/o, yes.

Is shyness cute? It can be. Historically it seems like I'm more attracted to outgoing people, I guess as a sort of balance for me, and I find it ESPECIALLY cute when a typically more socially confident person acts shy around me. It's something that sometimes happens with Girt and I adore it, lol.

Have you ever snuck around to be with a guy? Nope.

Why do some guys lie about not being virgins? I feel like they're like, "expected" to not be, especially at a certain age, way more than women. It's insane how virgin women tend to be seen as so pure, but a man being a virgin is hilarious and/or embarrassing.

Would you ever stay with a cheater? NO. Absolutely not. I'm out, immediately.

Have you ever been pregnant? No, let's keep it that way for my foreseeable future.

Do you or have you ever had a fake ID? Nope.

Do you think earrings are attractive or unattractive on guys? I'd say it depends on the guy, but I'm generally attracted to piercings on anyone. Regardless though, my personal opinion doesn't mean shit, guys can adorn their bodies however the hell they want.

Have you ever walked in on somebody doing something… questionable? I FEEL like I once walked into my parents' room to my dad maybe watching porn. I was never sure, but I do remember what was on the TV was sus and that he changed it after I walked in there.

What is the most disturbing movie you’ve ever watched? Probably Paranormal Entity. The ending was A LOT.

Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning? Probably Jason because I actually had a dream featuring him last night.

If your best friend needed somewhere to stay, could they live with you? Of course, my mom nor I would need to think about it for even a heartbeat.

What were you doing at 12:00am last night? Uh pretty sure I was finishing up my Flickr, since I decided to revamp that last night.

What are you listening to right now? "Mary On A Cross" by Ghost.

#survey #surveys #random questions #personal questions

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giorno-plays-piano · 3 years

Text

Vicious

Part VI

Pairing: Steve x reader, Bucky x reader, Thor x reader, Loki x reader, Peter x reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, stalking, possessiveness, theft, mention of blackmail, all characters are adults.

Words: 1567.

Summary: Transferring to Stark Academy that has only allowed to take in female students last semester, you realize you are just one of three young women among hundreds of students. Your things are constantly being stolen, and soon you begin fearing for your safety.

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

________

You spent the rest of your evening like a somnambulist, barely able to concentrate on your projects before you went to bed, barely finishing half of the things you planned for today. Even the change of locks didn't make you as happy as you thought it would. It felt like something between a dream and a nightmare.

Lying in the dark, you stared at the ceiling, thinking of what happened just a couple of hours ago. Why did he do it? Was it just out of habit and didn’t mean anything? Naturally, with his appearance and easy-going attitude, he probably dated many girls and didn’t think much before kissing someone he liked.

Remembering the way he talked to you in the morning, you thought he must have pretended to be shy around you. Thor certainly wasn’t sheepish.

Was it all a sham? Was Loki right about all of them, playing their roles to get close to you? You couldn’t forget the way Thor looked the moment he told you about being smart. It was like something switched inside him, and for a second you saw the real Thor who was far from being your simple, good-natured athlete.

Why did you keep thinking about that stupid kiss even after seeing the man could be dangerous?

Aroused and angry, you tossed and turned until you fell asleep.

____________

Waking up was especially tough, despite the fact you didn't really do much yesterday, meaning you were going to spend your weekend studying. Shoot, and that's when you planned to visit that new chocolate boutique in the city. Maybe you could still make it if you spent more time studying today?

But then again, going to the city alone might be a bad idea. Even if the guys who stole your things were beaten, it didn't mean it had always been the same people following you. The school was full of weirdos, in the end. What if somebody went after you? Steve would definitely say you had to bring one of your guards with you.

Damn. It was better staying in the dorm then.

"Good morning! Are you ready?" Peter's voice broke through the silence, and you flinched, hurriedly applying some lipstick because you didn't have enough time to put your makeup properly.

Well, at least you were fully dressed.

"Just give me a second!" Picking up your bag, you put your shoes on and opened the door, looking at a young guy who's face was lit up like a Christmas tree. "Hi!"

He definitely liked what he saw, and you felt your cheeks growing hot from embarrassment. From the very start of the semester Peter acted very sweet around you, and you thought you could be friends with him. He wouldn't do something as ugly as blackmailing, would he? Thor said it too. Clearly, Steve was exaggerating.

"Did you sleep well? I've heard you changed your lock, so now it'll be better."

"Ugh, I hope so. But I still sleep with my dresser blocking the door." Sighing, started walking, afraid to look in the faces of other students, hurrying off to school.

They must have been disgusted, watching you being friendly with one guy after being all lovey-dovey with the other just yesterday. Although you didn't see anyone in particular, you were sure somebody saw Thor kissing you. And now you were walking the corridors with Peter.

"By the way, what's your Insta?"

What? Your Instagram? Whatever for? Although you had no idea why he needed it, you let him add you, by the time leaving the dorm and walking towards the main building.

Suddenly, Peter got pretty close, his arm on your waist as he lifted up his phone and hummed, "Look here and smile!"

Before you realized what he was doing, the boy kissed your temple, and you heard the sound of a photo being taken by his front-facing camera. What the Hell?!

"Peter!" Pissed at him, you quickly break free and stepped back, but he was already looking at his phone, editing the photo and posting it almost immediately.

You heard your phone buzz when he marked you on the photo.

"That's a good one. You look very cute here."

"What are you doing?!"

"Making a proof we're dating, of course?"

You were taken aback by the sincerity in his voice, and Peter smiled from ear to ear like an excited teenager, showing you the picture: it wasn't that bad, and you looked as if you were slightly embarrassed by Peter's closeness. Oh, of course. He had to convince his friends he was dating you, but he didn't kiss you on the lips that could make other people too suspicious. Instead, friends of Barnes or, say, Thor, would still think it was all for show, and it was their friend who dated you for real.

Shit, Steve's plan was incredibly complicated, and you didn't like it at all.

"Oh, alright." You mumbled, lowering your eyes to the ground, and Peter laughed.

"We'll make a TikTok dance later. If you wanna make people talk, just use your social media." He winked at you and put the phone in the pocket of his pants, resuming walking, and you moved along, your face still hot.

God, what did these guys got you into? You felt like you were lost in the middle of a play, not even having a script to read what was your role in all this.

Before you parted your ways, going to a different classrooms, Peter talked about videogames, the upcoming Resident Evil - apparently, his favorite franchise - and some Dota tournament, but you didn't know much about it, and Peter offered to show you his favorite games "because you can't spend all your time studying!"

He was as careless and sweet as always, but you couldn't get Steve's words out of your mind. Damn, if only you could know for sure that Peter didn't blackmail anyone. Who could you talk to about it? Obviously, not Peter himself, but every time he spoke you had that nagging feeling you needed to talk to him. You barely kept your mouth shut before he went to a different room.

Ugh, why didn't you transfer anywhere else when you still had a chance? Obviously, now you could only drop out of school, and it definitely wasn't something you were going to do.

Luckily, the next couple of hours you were busy with your classes, trying your best to prepare for the upcoming exams. The academy held high standards, and even though you were a good student, it still took lots of efforts to keep up the good work. How Thor even managed to get enrolled, judging by the fact he hated studying and often skipped classes?

Ah yes, he mentioned something about getting a scholarship from the academy for his success in the sport.

By the lunch time you were drained, listening to Peter chatting with an absent-mindedly epxression on your face. Funny enough, Peter's grades were better than yours, even though he spent much less time studying. What, was he some genius like Loki? You felt a little envy.

"I gotta go take my tracksuit, I have PE next," the boy said, and you nodded, throwing away the leftovers of your lunch.

As you stood close while he grabbed his sportclothes, you heard two guys talking behind the lockers to your right.

"Have you seen her today? She's with Parker!"

You tensed immediately. Of course, they were talking about you.

"Yeah, so what?"

"She was with Thor yesterday!"

Watching you froze on the spot, Peter stilled too, listening carefully. Oh shit, you hoped no one cared about who you went with - why should they, in the end - but, apparently, you were drawing too much attention simply because you were a girl among hundreds of male students.

"So what?" The other guy asked impatiently, growing tired of this conversation.

"Are you stupid? She's going out with them! I bet she's looking for a guy." The first student said with excitement, and you cringed. No, you weren't going out with anyone, you wanted to stop the weirdos from following you and steeling your things. Was it too much to ask?

"Yeah, who cares?"

"We have three fucking girls in the whole school, and you don't care if one of them could be going out with you? Besides, this one's pretty. I'd fuck her!"

You felt like you were going to puke any moment. Why on Earth did you decide to transfer to an all-boys school? It was like the whole school were a men’s room filled with stupid-ass guys, and you were locked inside, forced to listen them talk junk.

"You'd fuck a sheep, weirdo. Go get yourself a girlfriend if you can’t stop thinking with your dick.”

Laughing, the guy left, and his friend followed him, shouting something stupid while you breathed out a sigh of relief. Of course, you knew there would be some talk, but you didn’t expect it to be so... gross. Were you really gonna spend the two remaining years here?

Watching you getting frustrated, Peter gently touched you by the arm and said softly, “Don’t worry. They won’t talk rubbish about you.”

“What do you mean?” Suddenly thinking of Steve’s words, you blurted out exactly what you were thinking of the whole day, “Are you going to blackmail them with something?”

“I... what?”

Part VII

__________

Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki @helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @hurricanerin @inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @navegandoaciegas @rosalynshields @brattycherub @sllooney @angrythingstarlight @lookiamtrying @buckysbunny @stargazingfangirl18 @dillybuggg @literate-lamb @cosicas-cuquis @sarge-barnes-sir @buckybarnesplumwhore @jaysayey @megzdoodle @gotnofucks @lux-ravenwolf @ximebebx @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @sourpatchspinster @biiskuitx @stupendouslovegardener @iheartsebandchris @lovelydarkdaydream @soleil-dor @illyrianprincess @vampirestrawberries @goodgodimaweirdperson @frontmanash @freya-heya @yandematic @mariatietacapitu @d3monslust @maybesandohnos @ibeatuptwinks @mangobangi

#bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader #thor x reader #loki x reader #peter parker x reader #dark steve rogers #dark bucky barnes #dark loki #dark peter parker #dark thor #yandere

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mandogab · 2 years

Text

🎉 2021 🎉

January

you’re my flashlight (𝟷𝟾𝟷𝟺 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

if you could to say goodbye... (𝟽𝟺𝟺𝟼 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜) → Part 1 posted in 2020

February

Valentine’s definition of love (𝟼𝟼𝟻𝟶 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

riddurok, cyar’ika (𝟸𝟻𝟻𝟿𝟸 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

March

always with me (𝟹𝟷𝟷𝟶 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

just love me (𝟸𝟶𝟶𝟶 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

April

You’re my Auntie! (𝟺𝟽𝟿𝟿 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜) → Yes, I’ll continue this

mhi ba’jur verd bal cabur (𝟷𝟾𝟹𝟽 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

May

The Protector of Mand’alor (𝟹𝟶𝟷𝟼 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

Morning Owls (𝟷𝟻𝟼𝟼 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

Thank you, Mommy (𝟷𝟹𝟾𝟽 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

I want to be like Mama (𝟷𝟶𝟿𝟼 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

June

hug & lov (𝟷𝟻𝟶𝟶 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

until the stars go out (𝟷𝟽𝟼𝟶 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

briikase gore’tuur, cyar’ika (𝟷𝟽𝟷𝟻 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

July

never ending nightmare (𝟷𝟼𝟸𝟸 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

August

don’t go (𝟷𝟿𝟺𝟺 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

warrior || Bo-Katan Week 2021 (𝟼𝟽𝟶𝟺 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

Children’s definition of love (𝟸𝟼𝟼𝟶 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

September

sometimes in war, it’s hard to be the one that survives (𝟸𝟽𝟷𝟹 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

space sisters (𝟷𝟷𝟷𝟼 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

The Fall of the Domino (𝟷𝟼𝟾𝟸 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

October

blue & gold (𝟽𝟸𝟼 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

Our (first) Halloween! (𝟷𝟷𝟹𝟷 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

The Little Protector of Concord Dawn (𝟷𝟻𝟸𝟶𝟾 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

November

apart but still together (𝟷𝟼𝟺𝟻 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

with(out) you (𝟺𝟶𝟹𝟹 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

December

learning to fly (𝟹𝟶𝟾𝟾 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜)

2021 Word Count: 𝟷𝟸𝟺 𝟹𝟶𝟸

⇣

I accomplished this because of you and because of my perseverance. I gave you a piece of what I really wanted to share and you accepted it with gratitude, writing me wonderful comments, leaving likes, bookmarking... And you may have no idea how much that meant to me - it means the world to me.

This year hasn't been the worst year for me, but it hasn't been the best either. A lot of situations were complicated, however, a lot of good things happened.... You were a part of that.

Thank you each and every one of you – for being here, on ao3 and everywhere else. You have been a good part of it all.

Thank you to all the short story authors I read this year. You guys are the best! Keep doing what you love and fulfill your writing desires. I believe you can do it!

Thank you to all my readers. Thank you for being here. Thank you for taking the time to read something I've created. I am so happy just thinking about how many people have been touched by my stories; made you feel better, made you laugh or made you cry.

Words have tremendous power.

You’re the stars in my galaxy. 🧡

@sassygirl579 → I love going back to your comments, going through the stories and posts and reading what you wanted to tell me. It really means a lot to me and I am so glad to have a person like you by my side. Thank you, thank you, thank you 🥰 (also thank you for birthday’s one-shot... it’s still in my heart)

@novemberrain221 → June 2021 was one of those tough months when I had a worse time. It wasn't anything serious, but a lot of things overlapped, I had end of semester and final exams, and in between I lost faith in myself – you got it back for me. And again, thank you so much for that. I probably needed someone to believe in me. Thank you for being. (And still I’m waiting for Steel Decay 🙃)

@grace-mita-27494 → Thank you for being my Space Mama. Thank you for being with me in all moments, for your support and for helping me, for always being there for me. Every day I'm glad to have you and I hope 2022 will be our year (I wish I bought tickets already ✈️). Thank you for everything. Lov yu! 💚

Special thanks must also fly to all the people who ship BoFenn.... I love you all. And on that note, thank you to @tessaliagrey, who wrote me a beautiful story for my birthday. Thank you all for being, for writing, for creating art. Don't ever stop. 🧡

@herbasia, @snootka → Thank you so much to my dear sisters who I met some time ago and who will forever be a part of my life. Thank you for your support over the past year and throughout our friendship. Thank you for all, the meetings and hugs, for being with me. Love you so much! ❤️❤️

Thank you all for being the part of my life. A good one. 🤩

#2021 #end of the year #writing and writers #thank you

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letteredlettered · 4 years

Note

First things first, you're such an amazing writer. Your style is incredible and your writing begs to be read. How was the journey to get there? Did you ever struggle with feeling like what you wrote was bad? If so, how did you get over that? I've been writing for a while and I have a hard time knowing if my writing is actually terrible or if I'm just insecure. Do you have any advice?

Oh, my anonymous friend, I am not over that.

I remember hanging out with some fic authors once, and we were all talking about hating things we were writing. We were all nodding along in agreement, and I mentioned how mortifying it is to me when someone likes something I wrote that I don’t like, and how difficult it is to respond to them. The nodding stopped. Someone finally said, “So . . . you mean . . . you’re talking about your posted fics?”

To this day I can’t quite figure out whether they were shocked that I would post something I wrote that I thought was bad, or whether they were shocked because, well, some of these fics I've written that I think are bad are popular, and how could I hate them if they were popular?

I’m saying this to illustrate that for some people, this feeling of being a bad writer doesn’t go away, no matter how much you write, or how hard you work, or how many people tell you you write well. For one thing, being “good” is subjective. It’s not an objective truth. Facts can’t be used to prove it. For another thing, if you’re like me, what other people think doesn’t matter nearly as much as what you yourself think, and in the end, convincing yourself is the hardest task. There are published authors far better than me who felt like their writing was not good enough. Sometimes even just knowing I was in such company made me feel a little better.

Another comfort people will give, or advice, I suppose, is “keep writing!” Often this advice comes without real discussion of what this will accomplish. When it is discussed, people say if you write more, you’ll get better, and that will somehow build your confidence. That’s not how it works for me. I have kept writing; I do think I’ve gotten better as a writer. I still think almost everything I write is bad at one point or another, and moving past that self-loathing and disgust is quite difficult.

However, for me, “keep writing!” with the added advice of “keep posting!” actually did have some impact. When I forced myself to finish something I did not think was good, and then forced myself to post it, it was not the praise or kudos that helped. A lot of stuff I wrote didn’t get that much attention for a long while. Some stuff I write still doesn’t. No, it was the actual fact that I didn’t self-destruct from sheer mortification that was bolstering to me. I wrote something bad, and people read it; the world still turned; no one hated me; the writing professor I had in college who told me they wasted my time reading my writing eventually taught through the end of the semester; I graduated; I winced when I remembered my fics, and I still wanted to write. All the time.

The act of finishing things, and putting into the world what felt like garbage, didn’t actually hurt anyone. It didn’t even hurt me that much. I simply became inured to the fact that I was bad, and I kept doing it anyway. Sometimes people even say I’m bad, and . . . the experience just isn’t that bad. It hurts; you move on. It helps to know that nothing you write is going to cause the end of your world.

One way I became inured that really helped to force myself to write was fests. Lots of fests have deadlines. Most fests I participated in in Harry Potter fandom were hardcore. The mods would come after you if you did not produce, and make you feel extreme guilt if you didn’t write something, because then someone would have to pinch hit, and that puts the mods and pinch hitter in a tough position, and the person in the exchange might not get The Best Gift, and wow it was so much pressure. But I really forced myself to finish some stories I would have otherwise hated too much to complete, and the experience of posting them reminded me that it wasn’t the most awful thing in the world to be a bad writer. So, I recommend things that are going to pressure you and push you to work through that lack of self-confidence to produce something anyway, because it really can help.

As far as my remaining advice, I learned to quit.

Everyone tells you not to quit, but in my opinion, quitting is an important and valuable skill. When something you are writing is so painful to you that you feel physically ill trying to work on it, maybe just don’t do it. Maybe remember why you’re here, and why you’re doing this. If it’s for comments or kudos or popularity I can’t help you, because I don’t identify with you or really understand you, but I hope you make it and wish you the best. But if you’re writing because you love it and feel better when you do it and can’t get it out of your system--if it’s not making you feel that way; if it’s making you sick instead of well; if it’s making you hate it instead of love it--just don’t do it. Write something that will make you happy. Quit the bad thing and do the thing you want.

I am sometimes too fond of quitting. There really is something to be said for forcing yourself to finish something you don’t like. You still learn from it, you get another dose of being inured to your own mortification and lack of self confidence; sometimes you get that little ego boost of at least Having A Story, even if you hate it. But sometimes you really just need to let go and remember why you’re doing this.

I’m so glad you like my writing and I am deeply moved that you value it enough to ask me these questions. The last thing I will say is that writing is not about creating a masterpiece. It’s about expressing yourself, exposing yourself, giving of yourself. Reading is not about praising something well done; it’s about finding something that speaks to you. It’s about about finding someone who can reach out to where you are sitting and gently lean against you, or take your hand, or ever so carefully open your eyes. Do you worry about making a perfect speech to your best friend? Don’t make perfect speeches to readers. One of them is your best friend you haven’t met yet.

#writing advice #self-confidence #Anonymous

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preetsposting · 3 years

Note

Hello! I've found my way here through your Dimileth fic on AO3 :). You mentioned that you take requests? If so, would you be up to write a short university AU meet-cute for Dimitri and Byleth?

Ack!~ Thank you for stopping by! Yes yes this sounds cute and exciting I’ll put it under the cut. (whoops, this kind of turned into a hackers AU set in a university rather than a more university focused AU rip)

Author’s note - technical Capture the Flags are games where hackers have to find bugs and solve puzzles to find "flags," bits of data that tell the system you've completed a given task. (source). We had a ton at my University.

It was rare that Dimitri would actually attend class in person. He’d either watch the lectures after-the-fact at twice the speed (you can’t blame him, professors are boring), or peruse the slides at around 2am while eating an entire pot of Kraft Mac ‘n Cheese.

He didn’t really like being around people (and he was a bit of a tough pill to be around - people didn’t really like being around him either). He spent most of his time holed up in his apartment, straw blonde locks touching the keyboard as he hunched over the computer, fearless leader of “Farghus” - the vigilante hacker group.

He admired two people.

One of them was AshenDemon, a new addition to their online force. Formerly a self-described “online mercenary”, they had decided to lend their technical prowess to Farghus, and had quickly proven themselves to be the most competent hacker of the bunch, even more-so than Dimitri. They seemed content, though, to simply advise him - they said they had no interest in leading the group. They felt that Dimitri was more than capable, and was stronger than them in many aspects - a complement that made him shoot a rare smile at the glow of his computer screen.

The other person was the TA for the Computer Security class he had taken last semester. Byleth Eisner was only a year older than him, but she was the PhD student that advised the course. You see, even though it was rare that Dimitri went to class, it wasn’t impossible.

There was something about bantering with Byleth during their discussion section that really drew him out of his shell - she knew her stuff, and she had absolutely humiliated him at the Capture The Flag weekend that the course had put together for fun after the semester had ended.

And, he hated to admit it, she was really pretty. Like, really really pretty. And that was, secretly, one of the reasons he was okay leaving his apartment to go to class.

And maybe, that was also why he was so nervous about the fact that she had asked him to coffee. It wasn’t a date, she was very clear about the fact that she just wanted to catch up and talk about one of the newest operating system exploits in the news (that he had engineered, but she didn’t know that). But that didn’t stop him from running a comb through his unkempt hair, finding a nice pair of pants to replace his sweats, and practicing his unpracticed smile in the mirror a few times.

He glanced at his computer, the most recent conversation he had with AshenDemon pulled up from before they had reported the OS exploit to the developers.

HighLordsLance: I’m going to report this anonymously. I don’t think we can handle any more publicity right now. Even if we’re doing good things, the attention just makes our work harder. I don’t want the corps or the media interfering. Reporters trying to infiltrate are *so clumsy*.

AshenDemon: I get that, but your approach is too flamboyant. They’ll know it just from the report. An anonymous report isn’t anonymous if every exploit you report is approached the same way. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

HighLordsLance: I really think it’ll be fine. Not that it matters, anyway. I think it’ll be fine.

AshenDemon: I’m calling it. SecDaily is going to figure it out first based on the style of your approach.

HighLordsLance: You’re on.

AshenDemon: Buy me dinner if I’m right.

HighLordsLance: I’ll download DoorDash and send you whatever you want. ;) But I don’t think you have a chance in hell. The guys at SecDaily are idiots.

- - -

“How’ve classes been, Dimitri?” Byleth rarely smiled, but he noted (sourly - it was kind of unfair) that even the smallest upward twitch of her lips was radiant. She slid into the seat across from him in the booth they had claimed at the coffee shop, extra large drink in hand, faded green waves thrown up messily in a bun.

“I went through twice the usual amount of mac ‘n cheese to get through Computer Architecture. Professor Mudge is intolerable.” He sipped his coffee, finding ways to avoid eye contact as innocuously as possible. Her eyes were mesmerizing. He didn’t want to make a fool of himself by staring. “I’ve been focusing more on side-projects, lately.”

“I see.” She eyed him as if she wanted to say something more. “Anything interesting?”

He shrugged his broad shoulders silently. He knew that she knew about Farghus, just not his involvement with it. They had gotten into many an argument about the ethics of vigilante hacking. “Not really.” “You sure?” She pulled up an article on her phone and flashed the screen at him, eyebrow raised. Published two minutes ago. SecDaily: Hacker Group Farghus Discovers Day Zero Operating System Exploit.

He paled slightly. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” His voice was gruff. He took a gulp of his coffee, scalding his tongue in the process. “I mean, it’s an interesting exploit, sure, but-” “Dimitri.” She interrupted him. Her voice was almost playful, a note he had never heard in it before. “I think you have to take me out to dinner.” A flush raised to his cheeks, dusting across his nose. “Hold on-” “...or does the High Lord’s Lance not keep to his word?” She smirked and downed the rest of her drink. “Pick me up at 7, yeah?”

#fe3h #fe3h fanfic #dimileth #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #byleth eisner #dimitri fire emblem #fe3h dimitri #byleth #fire emblem three houses #fe3h au #fire emblem au #fanfiction #one shots

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sassypotatoe1 · 5 years

Text

So our arts hc (house committee for a hostel/sorority if you must) took the a'Capella on a camp (it's an annual thing all the mens and ladies hostels do but not at the same time and place) and one night she gathered us together around a tv (yes she brought a tv to a camp) and played a couple of really good shows, a fantastic one and a terrible one (which quite frankly is pretty much how we sound right now because no one has confidence in the notes or that we'll learn everything in time to perform) to show us where we are and where we can/wanna be; but first she showed us a fantastic motivational video and I don't think it meant much to many of the others, but (even with my terrible mental health and struggle with wanting anything) it meant a lot to me. I got the sound track of the video for myself and I have been listening to it on repeat, slowly (very slowly and I probably have somewhere around 70% to get better with motivation and wanting, a lot of things) getting more motivated to want something again and work for it again. So the video is you are too close to stop now and it has like 3 speakers but the only speaker whose name I can remember (because he says it in the video) is a guy named ink. Anyway, I just listened to it again because I have to study for an English literature test tomorrow and I used to absolutely love English language studies, both the linguistic and literature components, but this year I took it extra and I've been struggling a lot with mental health and because it's not a core module, I didn't focus very much on it and it's been going, really bad. I told myself around semester test (because I've been doing so bad that I might not have gotten exam clearance had I failed the semester test) that if I do well enough on the semester test, I'm going to keep the module. So I got 83% for the semester test and my participation mark for tge semester is 56% which is absolutely shit for someone who is technically almost savant good with language studies, but I got clearance and if I get 90% for both exams, I'll have around 60-65% I'm too lazy to calculate it now, and I am not at the level where I want it yet but I'm going on "your future, healthier self will really appreciate this" and so I'm actually working hard even though I don't feel like it and there's this one quote in tge video that says "we all know, if we only worked on the days we felt like it, none of us would get much accomplished" and a bit later "I'm talking about the real level of commitment, the type that say: I'm going to stay true to what I said I was going to do, long after the mood I have said it in has left". And that hit me super hard, it's been hitting me hard since Friday evening. I digressed a lot, and originally this post was going to be a list of the quotes that hit me the hardest with slight tweaks to be applicable to my situation, but I'm going to leave it here, unless you want to hear it, then I'll gladly post them. Otherwise you can go watch the video yourself on YouTube, it's "you've come too far to quit: best motivational video" and I really think everyone with mental health issues should hear it because sometimes we need understanding and sometimes we need tough love, to be reminded that we aren't our mental illness and that we have to fight against them. One of the speakers used to be suicidal. Which is one of the quotes that hit me btw because I sometimes get suicidal intrusive thoughts when things get really bad. I'm going to cut off here because I have 3 minutes of my study break left and I'm bad at keeping to them usually but I don't really want anything but to want right now so I'm actually pretty decent at keeping to them now cuz there's nothing I wanna do desperately enough to not study.

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soldier-poet-king · 7 years

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This may be really random, but do you have any advice for someone who kinds feels like everything's crashing down around them and that they aren't really good at anything and don't belong anywhere? College is kind of beating me up and not making the cut with auditions is kind of making me second guess any compliment I've ever been given and I just feel awful overall.

Hey friend,

I’m sorry life is being tough right now but I know you are incredible and you can make it through this and you’re amazing and of course you’re good at things and belong, it’s just sometimes hard to see.

College has a way of steam-rolling everyone and everything and making you feel like shit sometimes, especially if it’s your first year and you’re unsure of things and still trying to fit in. Lemme tell you a not-so-secret, my first year of uni? I stuck out like a sore thumb and I felt like such a failure, my grades were meh, I didn’t make the cut for anything I had enjoyed in highschool, and I felt like an outsider in every single club I tried out. It was terrible.

I’m not going to lie to you, sometimes I still feel like that. Sometimes I still hesitate to do things, to put myself out there because I’m terrified of rejection and failure. But it’s worth it. It’s hard but you’ll eventually find a niche, some extracurricular you can enjoy and feel comfortable in. I’m going into my fourth year and I’ve a minor position on the classics student council, I volunteer at hoco, the art gallery, and the library, I help first years adjust to college and put them in touch with resources they need (I also play dnd at least once a month with friends, but that’s not a club or anything lol). I don’t do a whole lot in comparison to some, but I do whatever I can manage and I’m learning to be happy with that. Who knows? Maybe you’ll find something you enjoy that you never thought you would, there’s so many opportunities and student groups at college it can actually be a bit overwhelming trying to sort through them all and find somewhere you click.

I’m far too shy to ever audition for anything, but one of my friends is a good singer and he’s been auditioning for plays and musicals since first year. Until this past term he was rejected from every single one. I’m not gonna say that it didn’t suck, or the rejection didn’t hurt him, but he kept trying and he finally landed a minor/ensemble role in a musical this past term and all his rejections were so worth it, he had such a good semester working on the musical and in the three years I’ve known him I’d never seen him so happy. I’m not saying you have to keep auditioning for things or whatever, but I am saying that rejection, as much as it hurts, isn’t the end of the world and you can still be happy and pursue what you love, even if it doesn’t work out at first.

ALSO idk if you’re anything like me but I was (am) one of those highly anxious but highly perfectionist *smart* kids in high school and was always a the top of all my classes but once I got to uni I was up against every other smart kid and I had to face the fact that I was “just average” and I wasn’t going to be some genius whiz-kid who shaped academia with my brilliance. BUT before I realized this I had some MAJOR imposter’s syndrome, I constantly felt like an idiot, that I wasn’t smart enough to be at uni, that I was going to fail out so I might as well drop out now and spare myself the extra embarrassment, every little failure (or at least what I perceived to be a failure) sent me into a downward spiral of feeling like I didn’t belong here. Now, I’m not saying you’re exactly like me, but it’s a common enough feeling for first years away at college and maybe it was academics for me but maybe it’s musical theatre (or whatever you were auditioning for) for you. It’s okay to be “average” and it’s okay to enjoy the things you love without making a career out of them. BUT who knows? Sometimes you fail only to improve later, I failed so so so many Greek tests in my second year, I almost dropped the class, I thought I was going to fail out of my program completely, 2 years later and I’ve received scholarships for my work in Latin and Ancient Greek.

AND idk how applicable this is for you, but the first few months of college were really lonely for me, and that made everything worse and compounded all my problems until everything seemed absolutely hopeless, even though one of my friends from high school was with me. That “new-ness” of the experience took months to get over and it might take a little while for you to start feeling better. Heck, I still struggle with that new-ness sometimes, I worked on an archaeology dig in Italy this summer with one of my profs and it was an amazing experience, but even though I loved it I was so overwhelmed and felt so out of place that I cried myself to sleep the first 3 days! And it wasn’t until the halfway point that I felt comfortable and like I was intelligent enough to be there.

I’m sorry I rambled so much friend, what I’m trying to say is that it’s gonna be okay. That doesn’t make the rejection hurt any less now, or make everything seem less hopeless, but I promise college will get easier. It may take awhile but you will adjust, you will find people you like, you will find things you like, college is such a huge diverse experience there’s something there for you. It may not be perfect or like those typical college experiences you see in movies (my experience certainly was not) but it’s worth it if you’re studying what you love and it’ll be okay.

I guarantee you’re not the only one of your classmates feeling this way. It’s not just you, there’s nothing wrong with you.

I love you anon and you’ll be in my prayers and you can totally shoot me a message if you want to talk more!! (Even if we’ve never spoken before, it’s totally okay!! Just hmu!! Or you can send me another anon if you’re more comfortable with that, literally whatever works)

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emilyjunk · 5 years

Note

hey junkle i was wondering if u had any advice. i've managed to do well in my college subjects/units for the most part in terms of the participation and assessment marks but i've had three of four exams so far and just know i haven't done great which sucks because they're somewhat heavily weighted and i fear it means all my hard work will bring my average down. how do i stay motivated as a first year and understand more? with your experience in academia which is inspiring, i hope u dont mind myq

hi. hmm that’s tough. bombing exams can be super disheartening when you do well on everything else. i def know that feeling from my science classes lol. i guess, like, keep in perspective that a pass is a pass. i kinda realized toward the end of college that a B vs a C doesn’t matter that much because employers dont really look at your college GPA too much. not like how your high school GPA was looked at anyway. but i’d also recommend emailing and contacting your profs. sometimes they’re willing to work with you for extra credit.

as far as the next semesters go, my advice is to be in contact with the profs throughout the whole semester. go into office hours, email if you have questions, make sure they know who you are. coming from the perspective of someone who has both been a student and taught at the college level where i had to grade students, if i knew someone was putting in effort and they asked me things and stuff, i was more naturally inclined to grade them a bit easier or give leeway. maybe that’s bad, but it’s true. obv this wouldn’t work for classes where all the exams are multiple choice and objective but for subjective stuff, it definitely is real.

it’s also important to find the study habits that work best for you. in high school, i didnt need to study very much, but when i went to college, i found the cram method didnt work as much because there was more material and it was usually more in depth. take organized notes and read over them every day after your class from the beginning. so like, on the first day of class read your notes from the first day over. on the second day of class, read your notes from days 1 and 2 over. on the third day, read the notes from days 1-3 over. etc etc. you’re gonna have read the early days so many times by the end of the semester you’ll want to rip them out of your notebook. it seems repetitive and you’ll want to skip them and pretend you read them because you already know them, but don’t. genuinely read them over every day. it really helps. or even rewrite them after class if you think that will help. writing things down is proven to help you remember.

anyway, keep your chin up! the first year can be hard. i completely bombed my first year, i had like a 2.6 GPA because i got a D in creative writing and did poorly in my science subjects. But after that, i kinda learned what worked best for me and was able to move forward and i improved my grades every semester. so just don’t give up!!!! you got this!

#inquiries #advice with angie #i havent used that tag in ages wow #good luck!!!!#Anonymous

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