#I've dreaded pride every year because it feels more and more like i'm living a lie being there. im not PROUD of being trans. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cherriko-art · 27 days

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I just want to thank the Tumblr community from the bottom of my heart for helping me find joy in drawing again. For helping me find art a little less scary with every comment I get. And to remind people, once again, how much of an impact positive engagement has for creators, no matter how small or big.

Long, midnight ramble on my struggles with art below.

Late night thoughts, but lately my motivation for drawing has been rekindled as a way to release the brain rot on the fandoms and games I've loved recently. I lost my love for art for a really, really long time and for someone who's been drawing since I could pick up a pencil, and has identified as an artist my entire life, literally witnessing myself lose my love for art and drawing has been a really painful process. Especially since it happened over a relatively short period of time. Over 20 years of loving and creating art, only to be extinguished in just a small period of 2 years. When I came to a sudden realization that I hated drawing, I mourned over it for a really long time. I missed the joy I got from drawing, the pride in my art, the passion to learn and hone my skills. I used to think I could never imagine a future where I wasn't constantly thinking about the next thing I wanted to draw, but now I am living that future. Art is never on my mind anymore. I try to draw and I become filled with anxiety and dread. There's not a single thought about picking up my pencil and creating. The only things I had drawn in the last 4 years were for zines and it felt like work, not joy. Drawing felt like a job, and it stopped being the center of my universe. I stopped being active on social media, bc I was only on here for art. But even looking at other people's art left a bitter taste, and I didn't want to look at any of it anymore. Several times over the last few years I've tried to rekindle my love for art, tried starting small again. But it always fizzled out quickly, and I'd abandon it again. Sometimes I scroll through my Instagram and it hurts to look at, because I distinctly remember how much joy I got from drawing every single piece, what my thought process was, and how excited I felt in creating. It's been so long since I've felt happiness in drawing.

Lately, I've drawn some things bc my emotions for the brain rots in my head were Too Big and I couldn't think of releasing these big emotions in anything other than what I know. In art. I just drew something, didn't think too hard abt it, and posted them. Like barfing your overwhelming feelings on paper then throwing it away. But the engagement I've gotten on these emotional-dump drawings have been so wonderful, no matter how small or big, and it's made me so happy. Very specifically from Tumblr. Tumblr has reminded me what it's like to actually interact with fandoms again. Instagram/Twitter/etc has become such a competitive platform for content creators, that any sense of (the minimal) community and fandom interactions have been completely wiped out. But Tumblr has stayed true to it's roots through all these years and never have I been more grateful.

For the first time in years, I'm excited to draw again. I actually want to draw. I finished multiple drawings in the last 2 weeks, more than I have in years. Instead of feeling numb and exhausted after drawing like I had been, I'm actually filled with adrenaline and excitement to draw more. I'm excited to participate in fandoms again, engage in communities. This is all because other people's positive engagements on my little drawings have motivated me to draw more.

Drawing has become a very daunting, anxiety-filled, unpleasant experience for me. I lost my love for art years ago. But the positive engagement in my recent art has pushed away some of that anxiety, and it's becoming increasingly easier for me to pick up that pencil again. Drawing is starting to feel fun again. I don't know how long this will last, if it will fizzle out like it has time and time again. I don't know if art will turn back into the Big, Bad Monster again. But for now, I'm just relishing in the feeling of art feeling like freedom again. And I have the Tumblr community to thank for that.

So for everyone on here, thank you.

#cherry rambles #midnight thoughts #in ND terms art has been my special interest my whole life then some bad experiences ended up with art causing me a ton of anxiety and drea #since art became a trigger for negative emotions my brain switched off its interest in it #bc art was no longer a source of dopamine #then all of a sudden a life-long special interest fizzled out instantly into dust #anything related to art became dust in my mind #i had absolutely no interest in it whatsoever #and that hurt more than anything #bc no matter how hard I tried I couldn't rekindle that joy in drawing anymore #adhd peeps if ykyk #but after a few positive interactions on my recent art my brain has now latched on again it is SO happy #and now all I wanna do is draw??? bc its giving dopamine again??? all of a sudden my brain is like HELL YEAH ART!!#and god its like I can /breathe/ again for the first time in years #I feel like ME again - the person that loves art

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marshymindness · 1 month

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sullen cheeks and little cuts along my face. I don't know where they come from.

things that feel like bruises but don't show, pains deep within I can't touch, I suppose I'll find out what they are in 10 years.

I know exactly when and why every scar on my skin got there. not that anyone would ever ask nor would I care to explain.

I turned 20 and celebrated a teenage funeral. it's been a year and a half since, all we talk about between our little spanish trio is how old we've gotten in such a short time span. haven't even cracked 22 but the pictures are telling.

many friends said we were acting like grandpas, being old fashioned and stuffy, playing cards and day drinking. we were only trying to get a taste of what life could still hold for us after decades of adulthood. must've been a sorry sight to see young men act like geezers.

but we're still kids at heart. when no one's watching at 4am, we'll play football and whisper silly things to each other. go off into the forest and get on swings and chase cats only when certain everyone's gone.

sometimes I wonder where do you draw line for growing up too fast. how much can be willful and how much but a reaction to increased burdens. this year I've shaken off so many young dreams. but as I try to replace them, there's just a lack of commitment. not because I don't believe, but because it demands so much strength.

strength I feel I have but the truth of this physical body keeps denying.

it also is a choice of engine. I'll chose love and curiosity over and over but such a fuel isn't tye easiest to replenish. I've seen others crush obstacles and gun it with engines built on rage, hatred, fear, contempt, ego, envy, pride... I can understand why they seem sinful. given a proper context I'll borrow some of that fuel too. but it leaves a dirty taste in my mouth.

I love to love and chose to love and it remains simple because it's a gift to others. but the consequences of such a policy is to come back around and see how that gift was left trampled in the mud. sometimes you can go the extra mile and instead find someone at the end wanting to drag you back ten more miles.

I don't think this world ain't built for me. a lot of the systems in place sure. but I'm not the first to make that observation nor will I be the last. what's uniquely mine is that it's my turn to acknowledge it. I'll love always and do my best to fight back. more often than not that fighting comes through sitting down and listening.

it's always a pleasure to listen to those who don't feel heard. such interesting brains to be surrounded by. loving living listening is all I've got. my ribs are showing and my legs won't stop cramping and adulthood tries its best to instill dread within me, but I still have the grateful ears and eyes of a child.

I know the story behind every scar on my skin and I have an invisible scar for every conversation we ever had.

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karocentein · 4 months

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~concepts~

just because i've sidetracked myself on writing more for Lackloster, i have made the perfect executive decision to proclaim a few concepts for some of my other projects which i am inevitably due to post here, whether on a separate account, blog or whatever

here is the list:

Expunging Of An Angel

it's a story of an actual angel being banished from their realm in heaven, and taking a form awfully similar to that of Sonic The Hedgehog, though this world is completely different, the main cast is as follows: Milo Prowlers, Amelia Ross, Knox-Als (yes, it is a real name) Dread, Tersius Hejok (also real name), and Siliker Viennas. their names are all in reference to either their real in-game names or their concept names; knuckles' original name was "dreds" (before it was considered discriminatory), Tersius is as similar to Terios as I could get, and Hejok is just a near-homophone to Hedgehog, Amelia is just an extended version of the name Amy, Tails' name is actually Miles Prower, which I think every sonic fan ever knows, and Viennas is in reference to the fact that Silver's original name was Venice, and Vienna is close enough for my liking.

anyways, the story focuses on the fact that each of them (-Siliker) are religious, and follow the same religion of which the angel in term (called Anjelik, or just Anjel for short) is sprung from, he originally came to symbolise the Rapture, but soon realises exactly who this main 4 (not Siliker) are, and why they don't want him to reap anyone, whether sinful or faithful

also every character resembles different sins (except for Milo, he is perfect), Amelia represents Lust, as she obsessed over this world's Sonic (his name is Sunk Hedges, and I'll get to why he isn't a live figure when I end up releasing this story in full), Knox represents Envy, he tends to get into fights and presents himself with rage towards anybody he views as above him, Tersius represents Pride, Greed, Gluttony and Wrath, he is a rich, self-absorbed figure, though he still wills himself to be associated with his lesser friends, and Siliker's only sin is atheism

just to keep you aware, this takes place in 2005, and I had to do a bit of stuff to do with Siliker's age because 06 came out in... 2006, and 14 + (-1) is 13, and I need a full cast of adults, it's just because I don't feel alright with writing what I write about specifically self-titled under-aged characters, so I'm saying now that Sonic 06 came out in 2000, (the way their ages are calculated is by 2005 - (the year their game was made) + their canon age in-game(-TERSIUS))

the story is due to cover some rather dark matters, and is a very light, considerate jab at modern-day religion as a whole, though purposefully focusing on a specific singular one

(it also has a sub-story called "Lá Breithe Shona Duit" of which is an AU of this AU in which both Sunk and Rogue (AU Rouge) are still alive, and nobody is religious, it details their Christmas holiday, and them being tormented by Anjel during it, as he isn't just an angel in this sub-story)

Timehopper

it's kind of inspired by Sonic Prime, but it's more thought up just because of a set of songs that I listen to

takes place at the end of time itself, but not by natural causes. the plot direction is a tiny little smidgeon-bit like that of it's faux inspiration, but i will note down the tiniest little hint as to it here

the viewer is only to see through the eyes of Gadget the Wolf and Barry the Quokka, you'll understand why in a bit, and their task here is to search for what remains of their friends

this cataclysmic event was partly caused by you, and partly caused by Robotnik messing around with stuff he shouldn't have been. specifically, he's built some stupid power harnessing thing around some weird crystalline growth emerging from the core of the planet, and you destroy it, which seems to completely erase your world from history, and splits what's left of your friends into different versions of the original

now you don't really know whether or not the world will ever be fixed again, but you do know a few things;

first off, Gadget and Barry have been merged into one body by the collision, i'll just call them Badger for simplicity, and second off, just as Prime Sonic can, Badger can hop through different "Fatalities" (what they call the worlds)

these worlds are as follows:

The Nuclear Option - a post-fallout version of the world run by Tails and Knuckles, they seem to have had a dispute in the past, though. also this world was once ridden with a plague, which is precisely why it is solely inhabited by echidnas and foxes (science stuff, they just used their silly little DNA strands to recreate themselves in different generations but none of them act the exact same or even similarly to the originals)

Greatest Britannica - somewhat based off of Sonic and The Black Knight, though, if I had to choose any one inspiration, it would have to be simple medieval England, the hierarchy system, the disrespect for the poor, the enslavement of all employees, etc. also Amy is the queen of this one, and her character is extremely slightly (i mean barely) based off of one from ⭐man slaughter

Cyber-Digital Revolution - it's a bit like cyberpunk-esque, but i would say it's more inspired by concepts of what the internet could really have been and just pixel art in general, but the main characters are Sonic and Shadow, they're essentially cyber-criminals or thieves. this world has evolved beyond the need for corporeal form anymore

Newer London - like 20th century London mixed with the Smog of the Industrial Revolution, main characters (though an outlandish combination) are Big and Rouge, there are these storms that wash through, they turn anybody outside during them to ash, but there are some big warnings before they roll in

Mandela Nation - not finished, but it consists of the Chaotix in a world where everything they've ever been shown or believed in has been made up and implanted into their minds. it's based off of the Mandela Effect, strictly ONLY the Effect

1995 G.R.E.E.N. - similar to TNO in the sense that it's post-apocalyptic, but in a different sense, this place is overgrown; infested, even. it contains Cream and Vanilla. based off of Solarpunk aesthetics and abandonment of old constructs to be adopted by nature

Interplanetary Intersection Zone - the world has been shattered; broken into pieces, and then repaired individually. main characters are Silver and Blaze. no particular inspiration, maybe the void from Sonic Prime, where the constellations of his friends talk about him

Desolate Isolate - it's just a checkerboard floor and an endless void. the only inhabitant of which is Robotnik, he's tried to leave, but simply can't. he can't die here, there is just nothing. he is the only figure you'll come across that remembers what you did

I have no clue as to what happens at the ultimate of this story, but I have a very clear idea as to how The Nuclear Option happened, and I'll write that eventually.

Capture The Emerald

very much inspired by nixliz's Capture The Intelligence TF2 horror game. my take is almost a direct copy, but it isn't close to being a direct copy, it uses sonic characters and has a storyline which i need to correct. the main person (in this case the player) is Mecha Mk.2, or just Mecha, as I call him (i also call Mk.1 Steel Sonic), and their manager is Rouge.

in context, you have been working for a branch of G.U.N. since your expulsion from the Eggman Empire in 1994, when you were defeated by both Sonic and Knuckles in fights in Sky Sanctuary Zone, and were assumed dead by your creator. though you were reformed and adopted by GUN to work as an agent (alongside agents Shadow, Rouge and Omega), though the latter and former persons didn't really like you all too much

anyways, the main thing is that 10 people have gone missing, though only 8 really matter, and all of this has happened within the span of 3 hours. other than being tasked with locating what happened to the cast, you are also dispatched (on a personal mission by your manager) to track down the 7 missing emeralds, which have also been narrowed to the "last seen" locations of your targets

the game would function on a level-based system, with 7 in total, a hard mode (where you would play as Rouge, it's called Two Shades Of Red) and a technical endless mode (called HQ Mode)

each character has been "decayed" in some form, by that i mean that Tails has been turned into a "walking" tree, Silver has been turned into an ice lolly, and Shadow has been turned into a crystal formation

I will also write those concepts when I get to it.

no more spoilers!

anyways tell me if you like any of these concepts (if you can be bothered to) and I may decide to pause production of one and focus on continuing another

#sonic #sonic.exe #sonic au #lackloster au #horror #writing #sth #concept dump #concepts

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0thsense · 7 months

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9/30/2023

When I'm feeling down, I am vigilant to find fault in others, because it makes me feel like I have something over them. A stupid act of desperation.

The time limit is approaching. I am not doing well. What does it mean to give up? I want to run myself to death.

Could I survive losing all of my family and friends? Should I prepare myself for it? It'll slowly happen at this pace. Was I wrong about things all those years ago? Maybe I should quicken the pace.

I can't open up to anyone. Noone will understand, and everyone will think they understand. Hell, some people probably think they understand already without me saying anything. Maybe the easiest way to be happy is to presume you understand about unhappiness you've never felt.

I wanted to understand my emotions. It might be too late, because now all I ever feel is anger and frustration. Base, useless, devastating emotions.

Some girl I used to know followed me on Strava the other day. Simply because she connected her account and auto followed all of her contacts. And I held onto that for the whole day. Pathetic.

Do I feel good when I beat myself up like this? Honestly it's a little cathartic but I'm not sure if it's healthy. I spend so much time thinking about the past, it fills every undistracted moment of my life. Will it ever stop?

So dramatic for someone who has lived such an objectively easy life. I don't really believe that, more just unsure. But everyone else would surely mock me for thinking I have such insane struggles in my circumstances. So I can't open up. They'll think I'm even more pathetic than they already do. A good way to get some one time pity and then having them slowly drift off. A bad way to quicken the pace.

Maybe I just need to get better at slapping on a smile and enthusiasm, so that it doesn't take so much effort every time. Just get good at it so it doesn't take all my energy, so I don't dread it every time. Just... become an automatic liar. Perfect.

I'm not looking forward to going to Japan soon. I'm worried my shell will break over those 2 weeks. Maybe I'm even more worried that it won't. Maybe I will just be boring because I'm getting tired having to put on enthusiasm all the time. Perfect.

My legs hurt from running today. Good. I wonder if how I feel right now is accurate. If I look back on this post it will probably read pretty terribly. Have I made no progress? Perfect timing to be depressed again for the holiday season. Last time I showed up one time and they thought I was fine. Because I guess I'm good at faking enthusiasm. Fuck you.

If I think rationally about it, it's my fault. It's hard to tell when someone's depressed, and it's even harder when I've been putting on masks for my whole life. But I can't tell them either. Probably the worst cases of depression are the ones where they have noone to tell. Because they can't trust anybody to care enough. I'm doing fine everyone.

God and I hate it even more because I become so self absorbed. Making me lose one of the few things I prided myself on: empathy and thinking of others. And I kept that pride even though it became unjustified. It hurts.

Maybe I can try to think of others in this post. Harley decided she wants to move back home, because of RTO. I wonder how she feels about that. I wonder if I chose that just because it's semi relevant to me. My dad might also be kinda depressed, I'm kinda worried. Probably partly due to me.

God, I can't think of much when I try to remember caring about others recently. You don't just feel worse, you become worse. Please let me care for others again. I am an asshole. I'm not willing to sacrifice myself to help others. I find something in them to condemn and justify this. Nobody helped Jerry, and everyone sure loves beating down on him.

Endroll was a nice game.

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beels-burger-babe · 3 years

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Melodious Mourning

***Ben Platt?! Hell yes! Okay! I am so so excited about this! Thank you so much @ester-is-here for reminding me how much I love this song. I hope everyone enjoys it. You can listen to the song, if you haven't already, here. Disclaimer: In Case You Don't Live Forever and its lyrics do not belong to me. They belong to the brilliant Ben Platt*** Poly!MC Summary: It's MC's anniversary of their relationship with the Lords of the Devildom. They've planned a little something special to share with them; something that will express how much they love the brothers, while also preparing them for a tragic truth. The time had come. After a long night of celebrating your anniversary with the seven sins, it was time for you to finally show them the surprise you had prepared for them. You giggled as you dragged a tired Belphegor into the music room by his hand, the others following closely behind you. Asmodeus made a small noise of disappointment and leaned against the grand piano in the middle of the room. "You know when you said you had a surprise for us, I must admit this wasn't exactly what I had in mind, " you snorted as Satan smacked Asmo on the back of the head. Asmo yelped and held his head as he glared at Satan. "Though I'm sure that whatever this surprise it will be equally as lovely. Geez, let me finish before you ruin my hair!" Mammon came up beside you. "But what is this surprise though? Is it a diamond? Money? Jewelry? That lost treasure that we never found?" You smiled softly at the Avatar of Greed and poked his nose. "It's better than that. Or at least I hope it will be," You sat down at the piano and took some sheet music out of your bag. "I um...I wanted to sing a song for all of you," you nervously tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. "With our anniversary being today, I've been thinking a lot about us and all the time that's passed and the what the future will hold, and I-I just thought that this song would be the perfect way to express all of that."

Lucifer placed a hand on the small of your back as he looked down at you with an awe-filled, adoring expression. "I wasn't aware you could play. I would've loved to play with you sometime." You leaned up and pressed a kiss to his lips. "There will be time for that in the future. For now, it's time for your surprise," you hovered your fingers over the keys and hesitated. The song the message shared was important but would be hard for your lovers to hear. You glanced over at them. "J-Just listen, please. Okay?" Beel frowned at the serious look on your face and nodded. He could sense that there was something important about this performance, something almost dire, that clearly frightened you. "Of course." You took in a shaky breath as you began to move your finger across the keys.

"You put all your faith in my dreams. You gave me the world that I wanted. What did I do to deserve you?" Your smooth voice filled the room and wrapped around the hearts of each of the demons. They smiled gently at your words as a warmth filled their chests. In the years that they were fortunate enough to have you in their lives, they had spent every last second doing their best to keep you happy. They would give you the world if you asked for it, and you knew that. "I follow your steps with my feet. I walk on the road that you started. I need you to know that I heard you. Every word." Since coming here, the brothers have shown you a number of things. Lucifer taught you to be more confident and take pride in the things that you've achieved. Mammon taught you that it was okay to be selfish sometimes to do the things that you wanted. Together, you and Leviathan learned that the only opinion that truly matters is your own. Satan taught you that you define your own fate and meaning and that no one can say who you are except you. Asmodeus taught you to appreciate the pleasures in life, no matter how big or small. Beelzebub engrained in you that your body is a temple that you must cherish, look after, and love. And finally, Belphegore taught you that it's alright to take time for yourself. Each of them had impacted you and fundamentally changed the way that you looked at life, and you would never be able to thank them enough for that. "I've waited way too long to say. Everything you mean to me," you swallowed down the lump that was beginning to form in your throat. You had waited too long to tell them this, that much was true. By now they were irreversibly attached to you. Though you were grateful for it and loved them in return, there was something all of you had been avoiding discussing. You took in a shaky breath; you couldn't hold it off anymore. "In case I don't live forever let me tell you now," You could hear their breaths get caught in their throats. Lucifer's hand froze on your back, while Belphie quickly sat up from where he was laying on your shoulder. "MC, what are y-you saying? What are you-" Levi's voice stuttered from behind you. You couldn't bring yourself to look at them as you continued, "I love you more than you'll wrap your head around," you finally glanced over at Levi. The otaku's eyes were wide and filled with fear and concern as he scanned you for any missed injuries or signs of illness. At finding none, his eyebrows narrowed in confusion. You offered him a reassuring smile before looking back down at the keys. "In case I don't live forever, let me tell you the truth. I'm everything that I am because of you." Satan's trembling hand gripped onto your shoulder as he placed a kiss on the top of your head. "MC, my love, that is beautiful. But you can't just say something like that and not expect us to be concerned. Are you alright? Should I be getting a doctor or Barbatos or do I need to take you to a human hospital?" You paused for a moment to turn to your lovers. "I'm okay. There's nothing wrong with me, only that I'm human," you watched as they tensed in realization. "Treasure, that's not-" Mammon stepped forward, but you lifted a hand to stop him. "I've been thinking about the passing of time a lot lately, a-a-and I need to say this. Please, just let me finish?" The sound of your voice close to tears had the brothers wanting to do nothing more than wrap you up in their arms and never let you go again. But there was this desperate glint in your eyes, that none of them could deny. Belphie laid his head back down on your shoulder and buried his face into the fabric of your top. "Go ahead, angel. We're listening." You turned your head to lightly kissed his head, whispering a small thank you, before picking back up the song.

The music filled the room once more, but unlike before where it filled your lovers with joy at the thought of such a sentimental gift, a feeling of dread and unease now swirled in their stomachs. "I've carried this song in my mind. Listen it's echoing in me. But I never helped you to hear it." Your mortality was something that had weighed on your thoughts for years now. You never mentioned it for you knew that the brothers would just brush off the subject. They had lost so much already; they didn't even want to begin thinking about the day when you would no longer be with them. But with each passing year, the subject had become more and more crucial, yet you were still too much of a coward to bring such a distressing topic to light. You had hoped the song would lighten the blow, but based on the way Mammon's eyes were squeezed shut and his fists were pressed to his mouth, as though whispering a prayer, it hadn't. Tears pricked your eyes at the sight as you felt your throat tighten. "We, we've only got so much time. I'm pretty sure it would kill me if you didn't know that pieces of me were pieces of you." It was true. You carried the boys with you where ever you went, both literally through your pacts and figuratively through the pieces of their personalities that you have mirrored throughout the years. You often find yourself mimicking Lucifer's eye-brow raise when someone is acting particularly stupid. The sight of food or beautiful clothes causes your heart to thrumb with excitement, just like it does for Beel and Asmo. You have a deeper appreciation for anime and astrology from your many nights with Levi and Belphie. You're more knowledgeable and educated in literature from your countless hours in the library with Satan. You were more conscious with your money after your few attempts of trying to teach Mammon how to budget. You were one with your boys; a beautiful collage of the experiences and times that you had all spent together. You just hoped that they knew that. "I've waited way too long to say. Everything you mean to me." Asmodeus claimed your other side, as one of his hands moved up to delicately wipe a tear from your face. You noticed, with an aching heart, that his cheeks were tearstained as well. Your lip trembled as you opened your mouth to sing the chorus. "In case I don't live forever let me tell you now. I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around. In case I don't live forever, let me tell you the truth. I'm everything that I am because of you." At this point, you weren't singing so much as you were sobbing. You could feel your hands tremble heavily as you pushed them to keep playing. The only thing keeping you from breaking down completely was the solid feeling of the brother's touch supporting you as they lent you their strength. You squeezed your eyes shut and played hard on the keys, causing the brothers to jump a little as you began to belt. "I have a hero if ever I need one!" Flashes of the countless times that they had come to your rescue flashed in your mind. Unknown to you, the brothers weren't thinking of them rescuing you at all, but rather how you had saved each and every one of them. "I just look up to you and I see one! I'm a man 'cause you taught me to be one," your voice quivered with emotion as you held the falsetto note at the end. You leaned over the keys, suppressed cries falling from your lips as your shoulders shook. Beel placed a hand over top of one of your own and met your gaze. "You don't have to finish this MC. We understand what you're trying to say and we can just end the song here and talk if you want." It was tempting. Honestly, your hands our practically useless with how much they were shaking. But this wasn't just for them anymore. Speaking the words that had been swarming your mind for too many years out loud, although painful, also freed you from a sense of guilt that you weren't even aware that you were carrying. "I-I'd like to finish it. I-If you all don't mind." Belphie's arms came to wrap around your waist and Asmo

pressed a kiss to your cheek. Lucifer's hand on your back moved in comforting circles, while Satan repeated the motion with his thumb on your shoulder. Levi moved closer to lean onto the piano for support. Mammon gave you a tearful smile as Beel lifted his hand off of yours. "Of course. Take your time, honey bun." You took several deep breaths to calm yourself before lightly playing the chords. You met the eyes of your partners and hoped that they could see the utter adoration and passion that was flooding through your veins for them. "In case you don't live forever let me tell you now," you playfully elbowed Belphie and turned your head to kiss Asmo's cheek. "I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around." As the music picked up the tempo once more, you couldn't help but grin even as tears poured down your cheeks. "In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth. I'm everything that I am-" You closed your eyes, tilting your head back, as you allowed yourself to give in to the music and fully feel everything that you had been suppressing. "Woah, Woah, Woah. " As you began to sing the melody again, your eyes snapped open as you heard the brothers harmonize alongside you. Lucifer, Satan and Beel's low voices rang deep like the growl of thunder. Asmodeus and Belphie hit the higher octaves, chiming like bells ringing in the wind. Mammon and Levi sang the original notes with you, remaining strong and pure like waves against a shore. You laughed brightly as a radiant sensation of love blanketed you in warmth and soaked up any traces of fear that lingered. "In case I don't live forever, let me tell you the truth." You looked around at the brothers tenderly and softly played the final notes. They all smiled back at you, eyes gleaming with that same sense of passionate affection that you had felt moments earlier. Your heart fluttered in your chest as you came to a realization. No matter how much or little time you had left with each other, you would spend every moment of it at each other's side loving another unconditionally. "As long as I'm here as I am," you rested your head on top of Belphie's and smiled softly, "so are you." *** This was so sweet and sad at the same time and I just LOVED writing it! Oh my goodness, I haven't written a song fic in ages, so this was a little challenging, but I just loved it so much. Thank you @ester-is-here for this beautiful request!*** TAGLIST: @thegrimgrinningghost

@henry-and-the-seven-lords

@satans-beloved-riv

@cosmixbun

@sufzku

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bbyheedeungie · 3 years

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Fluttering Machinery | Robot! Sunghoon AU

Genre: Fluff, mild angst

Pairings: Robot! Sunghoon x Reader

Warnings: Character death, little suggestive content

Synopsis: Sunghoon was a humanoid built by your father, with the sole purpose of taking care of you once he passes away. But it seems like taking care of you came with discovering emotions that wasn't necessary for cooking, cleaning, and keeping you safe. What is this warm fuzzy feeling that resonates deep inside Sunghoon's mechanism?

It's been months. 6 dreadful months since your father has passed away. The doctors have warned you that he didn't have much time left, but that didn't make the goodbyes hurt any less.

You were 4 years old when your mom left you and your father for another guy. A more successful guy. Your father was bright, with an insatiable hunger for discovery and invention. But his field of work didn't always bring food to the table. And so on most days you had to, well, compromise.

But you loved your father so much, and still do. Although you didn't grow up to be a scientist like him, you knew the basics on automation and robotics. You were 11 years old when you first saw it, the humanoid that he worked on for years came to life before your own very eyes.

He had no skin nor face that made him look human yet. Just a chunk of metal with a head, arms and legs that moved mechanically. Nevertheless, you will never forget the joy and pride in your fathers' face as he watched his creation. The humanoid was a work in progress and you knew one day he's going to change the world. Unbeknownst to you, he was going to change your world.

And now here you are, years into the present as you stood infront of the humanoid who had his eyes shut. Yep, he's a he now. He is Humanoid SH-1282. Your father made him for the purpose of serving the community, to help people. But when he discovered his illness, he started making alterations to his design. He made SH-1282 to serve as the perfect companion, but only to you.

He filled the humanoid's hard drive with everything that he'll need to help you and take care of you. He input cooking, cleaning, and even martial arts. You sighed, remembering your father's last words.

"I'm gonna leave him in your care now, err leave you in his care or whatever. Take good care of each other okay? I love you both so much."

You were such a crybaby, holding on to your father's arm as the nurses were ushering you to wait outside because the doctors are about to perform surgery.

"You'll be okay." Your father mouthed as he smiled knowingly in content.

You reach for the humanoid's neck to find the power button, finally deciding to activate him after holding it off for months.

You held your breath as his eyes open, immediately scanning his surroundings. His eyes land on you, a smile forms on his lips.

"Hi, I'm SH-1282. It's nice to finally meet you, Y/N." He said naturally, offering his hand. If you didn't know any better, you would think he was a normal boy.

You let out a shaky breath as you accept his hand. He frowns, it seems like he is studying your facial expression and posture.

"You seem like you are in distress. Are you alright?" He asks in concern.

"Yeah, I am." You reply weakly.

"Will a hug improve your mood?" He asks. He was programmed to know about the benefits of physical intimacy, but he was also programmed to know consent and so he will not do anything unless you want to.

You contemplated, biting your lip.

"No, thank you." He simply nods, stepping out of his charging port.

"Will you show me around the house?" He asks and you nod.

"Damn this feels so awkward." You think to yourself.

"So here's the living room." You say as SH-1282 takes a good look around the area, his eyes falling to the dirty coffee table with tons of papers stacked messily. The couch looked greasy, with breadcrumbs stuck to the sides of the couch cushions. He scrunches his nose, involuntarily adding a new emotion to his database: disgust.

And as you led him to the kitchen, this emotion intensifies as he sees the containers of Chinese takeouts and cup ramen littered around the counter. He walks to the fridge and finds it empty except for a carton of milk that you put into your cereal for breakfast.

This awakens another emotion for the humanoid, frustration. He pinches the bridge of his nose as he contemplates on what to do with the mess, aka you.

"This won't do. You have been living unhealthily which may reduce your chances of living a long life."

You scoff, "Excuse me?" He gives you a dead stare, an eyebrow raised.

"No, excuse me while I clean up all this. I'll leave you to your own devices, thank you for showing me around today." He says sassily as he goes to find where you hide your cleaning utensils. You stood there dumbfounded.

"Unbelievable." But you let him be anyway. He wasn't wrong, you've been a total mess this past few months but that was all because of the grief. You basically had no family now.

And so for the rest of the day, you lock yourself in your room and do homework. About 5pm, you hear a soft knock at your door.

"Hello, it's me. Can you spare me a minute? I have something to ask of you." You inwardly groan, not really wanting to face the humanoid.

"Can you accompany me to get groceries? I swear this will only happen one time. It is only because I am not yet accustomed to my location. But after I mentally note the directions, you won't have to come with me next time." He didn't really want to bother you, but he knew that going out by himself and getting lost will be much more bothersome for you.

"Sure thing, just let me change into— oh no, you have no other clothes. It's kinda chilly outside today." You mentally facepalm yourself. Why didn't I go shopping for men clothes first before activating him?

"That is fine, I am immune to any temperature." He says as-a-matter-of-fact. You roll your eyes.

"I know that but people will probably get suspicious to see a man walking around in a shirt and jeans when everybody else has coats on. We need you to fit in as much as possible."

You search for your father's old coat that you refused to throw away even months after he's passed.

"Sorry dad, but he kinda needs this right now." And so you dress the humanoid in your oversized university sweatshirt (which surprisingly fits him perfectly) and your father's old coat.

"How do I look? Will I fit in now?" He asks as he scans his appearance in the mirror.

"You look—" absolutely breathtaking. You had every urge to slap yourself. Your father really didn't play around when he made the humanoid's face. He could pass up as an idol. And the cute little mole on his nose was a good addition to his features that made him even more realistic.

"Great. People won't suspect a thing."

The two of you head out. Contrary to your expectations that he would marvel at everything he sees outside, he just casually looks around. You ride the bus together, and the humanoid processes everything that you do, noting how everything works.

What caught you by surprise though, is how he immediately stands up in instinct to let an old lady sit down in his place. He sure was programmed with manners and chivalry. You smiled at the thought.

You made your way inside the grocery store, only intended to grab a basket but the humanoid insisted on a push cart.

"We have so much to buy, I've taken a mental note of everything we'll need." You simply roll your eyes and let him push the cart around as you wandered behind him. You look around as he reads the nutritional facts of every single thing he sees.

"This is definitely going to take a while." You muttered.

"Y/N? Is that you?" A voice squealed. You hissed and attempted to turn away, pretending you didn't see her. The humanoid saw how you reacted and swiftly rushed to your side in a protective stance. The stranger eyes the humanoid, her eyes sparkling at the sight of such a gorgeous man.

"Why hello there. Y/N you didn't tell me you've been busy with your boyfriend, we haven't hung out in a while." Both of your eyes widened at the misunderstanding.

"Oh, no he's not— we aren't—" You tried to explain but she just laughed out loud.

"Look how flustered you are. You know what, it's okay. But we have a lot of catching up to do!" She said, squishing your cheeks in a playful manner.

"So what's your name, handsome stranger?" She asks, turning to the confused humanoid.

"I'm S—"

"Sunghoon! His name is Sunghoon." You blurted out. Sunghoon was the name of your childhood crush when you were like 7 but that'll have to do. Unfortunately, it seems that the humanoid got even more confused.

"I am Y/N's—"

"Neighbor. He lives next door to my apartment. I was just showing him around because he just recently moved into the city." You say quickly. She can't know that you're living with a guy. Even if said guy wasn't human.

"Awww how sweet of you to go shopping with your neighbor." She said, winking at you. She's definitely not convinced.

"I'm Yeonmi, Y/N's friend." She introduced, offering her hand to Sunghoon. He took her hand reluctantly.

"You mean my super obnoxious friend." You roll your eyes.

"Shut up, you love me." She teased. Admittedly, you've been avoiding her for months now. Ever since your father passed, it was as if you didn't want to deal with anyone anymore, with the fear of being left behind again. So you shut everyone out. You know it was a very selfish move and must've made everyone worry, but you have yet to figure out how to fix things back to how it is.

You said your goodbyes not without a long, tight hug from Yeonmi and Sunghoon noticed from his scanners how your vitals greatly improved from it. This made him feel another new emotion: relief. He was very thankful for your friend who made you feel better.

You continue venturing down the aisle of food, and you find the humanoid smiling to himself. He notices your attention on him and he shakes his head, as if shrugging his thoughts off.

"What?" You asked.

"You gave me a name. Although I'm unsure if it is necessary, thank you." He says genuinely as he smiles at you, your heart skipping a beat.

"You're welcome, Sunghoon." You smiled back.

He picked up lots of fruits and vegetables, with you whining the whole time. Your whines unlocked another emotion of his; annoyance.

"No wonder her father thought she is in need of taking care of, she acts like a child." He concludes, running his fingers through his hair as he lets you get an ice cream of your choice. Oddly, seeing a bright smile on your face as you show him what flavor you got seems to put him at ease.

The two of you got home at dawn, with quickly stacking up the groceries into the cabinets and fridge, with you slumping down on the now squeaky clean couch.

It had been quite a long day and you found yourself dozing off. You woke up from the light tap on your shoulder, eyes fixating on Sunghoon with your apron wrapped around his torso.

"I could get used to this." You thought, admiring how adorable the humanoid looked but quickly pushing the thoughts away.

"Sorry to wake you, it's time for dinner." He announces and you lazily nodded, not before yawning and stretching your arms.

"Uhh, what is this?" You asked, eyeing your plate.

"It's your dinner." He says nonchalantly, expecting you to start eating. Your face shows utter disgust at the plate of vegetables.

"Please don't make me eat that." You begged. Sunghoon rolls his eyes; a trait he adapted from spending just a day with you.

"Don't be dramatic, vegetables are good for you." He states, taking the plate from you and attempting to feed you.

"Come on, say ah." He says playfully. After realizing how much you acted like a child, he researched on how to take care of children and downloaded it into his database. You scrunch your nose, leaning away from the food and shooting him a glare.

"Sunghoon, I'm not a kid." You deadpanned.

"Oh, but you won't get your ice cream if you don't eat this." He says, pouting at you teasingly. He's really good at this. With a sigh, you open wide and allow him to feed you.

"Yep, definitely a kid." He thinks to himself as he smiles in satisfaction, another emotion unlocked.

That night, you decided to move his charging port (with his help) from the lab into the spare room of the apartment.

"You know, I'm completely okay with staying at the lab." He reasoned but you quickly hush him.

"Nope. That is no way to treat a person. You deserve your own room, okay? A room that you can fill with your own stuff and decorate with your own preferences. End of discussion." You sassed as you fix his charging port into place. Sunghoon blinked at you, unable to express how grateful he is of how kind you are to him.

"She wants to treat me like a real human being." He thinks, his mechanical heart overwhelmed with gratitude.

Days went on with a routine, with him cleaning all day and you attending online classes. There were occasional bumps in the road, with you getting annoyed with how much of a neat freak he is and him getting irritated with how lazy you are at taking care of yourself. You've also taught him how to watch tv, deciding not to let him use the internet yet because he might gain too much unnecessary information online.

And so on a saturday night, you sat together on the couch as you watched figure skating competitions. Sunghoon was at complete awe the whole time, studying how the skaters moved through the ice.

"I want to skate too." He states absentmindedly, attention still on the television. You smiled, thinking how it was the first time he actually said he wanted something.

"Then let's do it, let's go skating tomorrow." You say, his head immediately shot to you.

"What, really?" Sunghoon asks in disbelief, his eyes widening.

"Yes, really. Although I'm warning you, I don't know how to skate." You laughed, with him chuckling as well.

"Then we'll learn together." He promises.

What a total lie that is. He didn't need to learn, as you watched him move swiftly against the ice, the wind in his hair as he circled around, his focused eyes twinkling in the fairy lights. He looked ethereal. You could have sworn there were tears there as you cheered him on like a proud momma. Ah, they grew up so fast.

People at the park also stopped to watch Sunghoon, whispering about how talented the young man is. His eyes caught yours, and you weren't sure if you were seeing things but you thought you saw him send you a wink and smile.

"The TV been teaching him things." You muttered, blushing but not from the cold. Sunghoon skates towards you, pulling you with him. You're eyes widened in fear.

"N-no Sunghoon I can't—" but he was already leading you through the ice, eyes never leaving yours.

"You can." He whispers, taking you by the waist as he spun you around. You giddily laughed as you threw your arms out, savouring the chilly air. You didn't even notice the people watching and cooing at you as some joined in as well.

That night, Sunghoon felt something he never felt before, and you in a long time. You felt happy.

"Say aaaah~" Sunghoon said as he fed you chicken soup. You caught a cold from skating yesterday and now you're wrapped in a super cozy blanket with Sunghoon worrying about you.

"You know I can feed myself right?" You said, swallowing the food.

"I know, but I just feel responsible because I was the one who wanted to skate. You got sick because of me, and that kinda defeats my purpose because I'm supposed to be keeping you healthy." He rambled. You roll your eyes at him.

"Colds are normal, okay? Besides, I haven't had that much fun in a while. Thank you for that, Sunghoon." You say, reaching up to tussle his hair playfully. He froze, cogs in his mind unable to process as something inside him stirred, but in a pleasant way.

"So you dance while rubbing your body on a stranger?" Sunghoon questions, but he's not sure if he wants to know the answer. Tonight, you wore a simple black dress that teasingly showed a little bit of cleavage and a decent length of fabric that hugged tightly around your upper thighs but had a daringly high slit. Sunghoon approves and disapproves at the same time.

"Yeah, it's kinda like that. But don't worry, I won't be doing that. I'll just stay by the bar the whole time." You reassured as you struggled to put on your strappy heels. Sunghoon kneels down infront of you and helps you clasp the straps around your ankles, handling it very delicately. Your heart thumps as he looks up at you.

"Are you sure you don't want me to accompany you?" He asks for the fifth time as he follows you around the house like a puppy. You sigh, actually considering it. Although it was supposed to be a girl's night according to Yeonmi, you thought maybe having Sunghoon tag along wouldn't do harm.

But it did. It did harm to you, alright. And you wanted to harm those girls who kept on grinding their asses onto Sunghoon as slow, sexy music played. You were fuming, regretting dressing Sunghoon in such fashion that screamed big D energy. Why am I being so possessive? But then again, Sunghoon does look uncomfortable. I should go save him. Yeah, I'll do that.

"Hold my drink." You tell Yeonmi as you made your way to Sunghoon.

"You go girl! Get your man!" Yeonmi cheered drunkly.

Your train of thoughts were blurred by the alcohol as you struggled to walk straight. You had only one clear thought in mind: Sunghoon. I need to get to Sunghoon.

Sunghoon stood uncomfortably, eyeing the girls who rubbed their bossoms and derriere all over him. Is this supposed to be fun? He thinks innocently. He sees you walking towards him, swaying your hips side by side as you strode towards him like a predator.

Girls hovering around him going unnoticed as you were the only one he could see.

Stunning, beautiful. He thought.

"Hey handsome, care to dance?" You asked, pulling him to you before he could even answer. The girls spat at you, telling you to 'get in line' but you just shot them a smug look.

"Sorry ladies." Sunghoon apologized, but his smile told otherwise as he let you pull him away from them.

"You don't know how badly I wanted to get away from—" He froze in his spot as you wrap your arms around his neck, inching closer than ever before. You felt bold, but maybe that was just the alcohol in your system. And as you started moving your body against Sunghoon, you knew it wasn't just you who felt the heat. His large palms go down south, resting on your swaying hips as both of you moved to the sultry rhythm.

His mechanism was going nuts, threatening to malfunction as his sensors detected your very close proximity to him. Whatever you were playing, it was dangerous. But Sunghoon couldn't help but to want more, to desire more.

"Y/N." He whispers, and you look up at him with half lidded eyes. And damn did he find you so sexy right there, under the strobe lights. No girl in the club could ever compare.

"Home?" You suggested.

"Home." He agrees.

As you got in the cab, you immediately find yourself half straddling Sunghoon's lap as you attempt to kiss him. Luckily, Sunghoon can think clearer now and concludes that a drunk Y/N is a very horny Y/N. And though the thought that it was only the alcohol that made you want him made him feel sad, he knew it was wrong to demand such things from you.

And so with your futile attempts to get into his pants, he gently lays your head on his shoulder and hugs you to keep you still. But even that couldn't stop you from squirming to get away from his hold, trying to get some action. He chuckles as he held your hand tightly in his to prevent it from landing into his crotch.

"Now now, you have to stay put. I won't be taking advantage of your state." He scolds gently. And by the time the cab had stopped in front of the building of your apartment, you were fast asleep in Sunghoon's arms.

Times like these were when Sunghoon is glad he was made of aluminum. He scooped you up in his arms like a pillow as he walked up to your apartment. You snuggled up into his chest, looking so innocent as you soaked up his warmth. Sunghoon cooed about how adorable you are, talking to you in your sleep.

He placed you delicately on your bed, contemplating whether to change your clothes or not. He decided not to, noting how your privacy is important to you. You're too drunk and asleep to give him permission right now anyway. He took off your heels and wiped your makeup off very gently, and tucked you in properly.

Long minutes pass as he studies your face, stroking your hair softly as the corners of his mouth lift up unconsciously. He really loves taking care of you. He loves you.

This realization hits him like a truck of overwhelming emotions, but it all makes sense to him now.

"I love you, Y/N." He whispers, leaving a soft kiss on your forehead before retiring to his own room.

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its-tie-kir-ra · 2 years

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As someone who is a full-time inukag shipper, I totally get where your coming from w/ the inukag scenes where Moroha just "accepts" her parents.

I think though that most inukag shippers are no longer watching YH (myself included), and that we have collectively decided to ignore the context behind the inukag scenes and just focus on those individual scenes as a whole. That's why we haven't really questioned why Moroha just goes w/ the flow, because:

1) we actually want to relish the few inukagmor crumbs we get even if it is a little pathetic

2) we take certain aspects about those scenes, like InuKag being loving parents and Moroha being a happy daughter, as actual canon because it fits with how we always imagined an inukag family to be in post-canon, even before YH.

And 3) we know Sunrise, especially Sumisawa, are not smart enough to write about a rational, emotional struggle as big as coming to terms w/ finding your birth parents and what that might realistically do to a person. We've accepted the fact that the writing is shit and that a realistic portrayal of such an emotional struggle is too good a concept to be written into such a shitshow like YH, so why make a fuss about it anymore?😪

That's just my theory at least. I know I'm taking InuKag being loving and doting parents, with Moroha being a happy daughter as one of the only actual canon things from YH.

I've seen some YH fanfics that dive into that particular struggle tho, if you ever wanna look them up on FF.Net or Ao3.

This is a response to this post. It's about how the show doesn't handle adoption/child abandonement well, and I used the example of how Inukag are going to handle this going forward and how the scenes feel really hollow to me as an adopted kid. I'm not trying to crack on Inukag shippers for liking it. Like what you like.

Anyway.

You realize that making a fuss over those scenes is sending the message that this show has an audience and it will keep going, right? Like you're allowed to do it, but don't pretend that it's ultimately not sending the message that you're ready to spend money.

I don't understand this. Fandoms scream and cry and beg for shows to be brought back. When they're brought back, the fandom usually hates it, except for a few parts which they get excited over (which I have a whole theory over how eventually you just run out of story to tell). Then they beg for more. And the cycle continues. Like read fanfic if you want to get that Inukag hit so badly. Like fandom prides itself on being very "Canon, who cares" and then as soon as the creators announce more is coming they turn into Oliver Twist. Is the validation that important to you?

It's like the live action thing. Everyone is out here getting so excited over the ATLA live action, but I'm dreading it, because when has there ever been an anime to live action that's good? Mulan, Cowboy Bebop, Ghost in the Shell, Beauty and the Beast, THE LION KING, all were adaptations that were pretty freaking terrible, both in adapting their works and making a new story, but that hasn't stopped like 6 more being announced this past year and them bringing in billions of dollars and every time people are like "IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT!" So I don't get it.

Watch another damn show. Those sequels and live action adaptations are not about making you happy or bringing the fandom together. It's about making money.

I'm not trying to be an asshole but Jesus Christ sometimes I feel like I'm losing it watching this, because like, my favourite anime is FMAB, and everybody wants a sequel, and I don't. Because the ending was perfect. Why would you want to mess it up? It's way more fun for me to imagine what happened in my head or read a fanfic than pay someone to tell me what happened that will ultimately be treated as "more official" (which isn't a bad thing because I also believe that we should be respectful of original creators because they're fucking human and they're eventually going to run out of ideas and it's potentially going to be bad). All a sequel will do is disturb the tranquility and ruin whatever better ideas that the fandom came up with. (Because there is no way in hell they'd let Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, be the house husband he was destined to be.)

(LOOK AT THEM 😭)

Adds "talk about sequels" and "talk about adaptations" to list of video ideas because I have way too many opinions

(I don't doubt that Inukag would've been great parents. Y'all can fight me on that. But when I see comics about Ayame and Koga raising Moroha as "Aunt Ayame and Uncle Koga" (which is BS in itself, Koga and Ayame are her parents in that situation and I bitched about how much I hated Koga raising Moroha for 10 minutes in my video because I don't care what y'all say he wouldn't be a good parent to a quarter demon but ULTIMATELY HE IS HER DAD) and everybody going aweeeee that's exactly how it happened, like, you're treating it like it's canon. Stop pretending you're not. You're not ignoring the context.)

(I feel like an overinvested crazy person right now.)

#anti live action #anti yashahime #anti hanyo no yashahime #hanyo no yashahime #yashahime #trashahime #anti Koga #anti sequels

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blushing-starker · 4 years

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Second in the line of moodboards inspired my the devil all the time.

He helps Gwen wrangle her hair together backstage, fingers quickly snatching wayward strands and taming them with one of the many pins clutched between Peter's lips. Natasha comes over to them, adjusts the girl's tutu, raises the stockings while mumbling in russian, pride for her girls clear even in a different language. His sister's back straightens impossibly, spine curved and he's very nearly spilling all the pins over the floor because god, he loves watching the dancers work. They were beautiful in big sweaters, worn leggings, beat up flats and half done ponytails, Peter always thought so no matter how many times they teased him about trying to butter the ballerinas up. They were gorgeous 24/7. But when they were preparing to go onstage?

That was ethereal, something only seen in dreams of tucked away childhoods, beauty found exclusively on fairytales. He caught a glance of the divine each time his sister and their friends went to battle. Five seconds left and no, you will stay away from the light, damn you. Peter growls, distantly hears a semi quiet click, ignores it, slams five pins around a particularly demanding curl and Natasha hums when she revises it, fingers gently touching the bun. She whirls around the room without a word but he's proud. He made something worthy of Romanoff's approval. The girls are called to stage and Gwen turns, kisses his cheek and off she goes. Peter lurches forward, plants his lips to the taut shoulder blades just as she's passing the door's threshold.

His sister doesn't really believe in luck, more prone to appreciating hard work and determination. But the youngest Parker child preferred to be on the safe side of things, try to ensure success in as many ways as possible. The music outside begins to stir the audience up, announces the arrival of the group and yeah, he'll never get over seeing Gwen fly through the air. Another click, but this time he inclines his body back towards it and suddenly the world goes white, a fierce bright thanks to a flashing bulb. He topples back on instinct, hands scrambling for purchase, legs caught on a stray tutu, mind dreading the sharp, incoming impact. It never comes.

There's movement, lightning fast, a hand around his own, body being yanked, back pressed to a broad chest and then the colors slowly appear in spots as he heaves for breath. A chuckle against Peter's left ear, amusement and perhaps fondness.

"Should've figured the brother of the future prima donna was clumsy. The universe being ironic and all that. But I knew beauty ran in the family. I'm afraid we've never been introduced, Mr Parker. I'm Tony Stark, main photographer for the company."

He's dead. He must be. No human had a voice that smooth, that enchanting and soothing. The guy had to be an angel of some sort because these things didn't happen to Peter. His life wasn't exciting enough that a man half a foot taller and several inches wider than him could just wrap him in strong arms and make them stay in an upright spooning position. Curved hips sit right above his ass, there's a toned stomach pressed against his back and warm air is teasing the curls on his nape. This type of thing, of situation didn't occur to Peter Parker.

When the world settles down, he licks dry lips and tries to breathe deeply. Only for him to realize both his hands are immobile. One is being clutched by the wrist, that's the right hand the photographer had tugged on to twirl Peter round and mesh them together, afar from the lights. His left arm is also being held, although that may just be the man forgot to let go after stabilizing him. He's immobilized but he feels...completely safe here. Slowly, Peter relaxes enough for his mind to drift, exclusively focus on Gwen and musky cologne.

"I'm Peter. Gwen's brother. But you already knew that, Mr Stark," great going, Pete, "Any reason we hadn't met? Then again, Gwen's the dancer. I'm just, just a cab driver. I'm not beautiful, nothing special." He's not embarassed. He's not, Peter's very proud of his job, of how good he is. The 60's weren't exactly easy to live in, but he's managed to keep on going and that's a hell of a lot more than some people got.

Nonetheless, he dips his head down, ashamed because what if he's diminishing Gwen's glow by being a driver, by being boring and dull? What if-

"Bullshit, you're worthy of a set. Most gorgeous person I've seen in years and here you are thinking you're nothing. I'd kill for a chance with you. I love Gwen, she's amazing, but I've been trailing her more just so you can appear in some of the pictures. I wouldn't do that for nothing, Parker. Oh, that's a lovely leap."

Don't cry, don't cry, it's only the kindest compliment Peter's received in a long while, the first one that doesn't have to do with the speed limit or itchy seats or satisfied customers.

"Well," it's like sand paper stuck in his throat, " you wouldn't have to kill. If you ask, I'd say I'm free on Saturday. "

What. Are. You. Doing.

Shit, did he just.

"Kid, I'd love that. We could get coffee, I know a place nearby with great chocolate cake."

He did.

Gwen will kill him if she/when she finds out Peter asked someone out without her being around to witness it.

He can't help it that he beams, "I think that's great, Mr Stark. Definitely better than being here and acting as the seventeenth wheel."

"Call me by my name, Peter. We're basically already snuggling, no need for seriousness. Although, I actually didn't plan on this. No matter what type of crazy goes through my head, it's never this fast or this crazy.

"And here I thought photographers were the most serious and aloof with their brooding self portraits."

Tony laughs and Peter grins, happy to feel the rumble up his back and shoulders. Maybe he'll develop an urge to get some portraits done. Just one or three every month.

#peter parker #tony stark #peter x tony #peter parker x tony stark #starker #ironspider #my moodboards #Cab driver! Peter #Photographer!Tony #tdatt inspired #60's!AU #Gritty!starker

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pop-punklouis · 3 years

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hey hope. this is probably oversharing and definitely overstepping, but i really just need to rant. this is gonna sound weird but i just started freshman year, so i'm probably one of your younger followers. but honestly i'm so stressed and anxious. i have friends and most of my teachers are good, but i'm honestly not used to the workload. everyone else seems so carefree, but honestly, i've always cared too much about grades and stuff like that. i sort of coasted through middle school, and now i'm really worried that i've reached my peak and nothing will ever come easy to me again. it all sort of hit me tonight and there's just this giant ball of dread in the pit of my stomach. i know school will get easier, but by the time i get used to it, i'll have to deal with college, and getting a job, and living on my own. really, i have no fucking clue what i'm doing, and i'm just quietly marinating in that feeling. so yea. hope you're having a good night.

oh no, hi babe!!

you’re most definitely not overstepping at all. you guys can always come to me and talk about whatever. never feel like you cant! and listen *cracks back* *takes a drag from a cigarette* as an elder 24 year old, i know high school very well. high school was….. not the best experience if i’m being perfectly honest lmao. yet, that wasn’t so much on school as it was those around me and the environment. i loved learning, actually, even though the workload was a bit heavier.

there’s always going to be these nerves when you start a new chunk of academia. middle school…. high school…. college… because it’s all so unknown and you don’t know exactly what to expect!! fun fact: i still get that way every time i start a new semester of schooling— i freak myself out about the syllabus and work load but almost always i adapt to it quite quickly and that anxiety dissolves. im saying that only to let you know that you’re not alone in feeling this dread and fear. many, many people do. but, this pressure doesn’t have to cripple you. it is different than middle school, you’re right, but i found that the way you study and prioritize that study, ultimately, defines how stressed the workload actually is on you. i had a great AP BIO teacher freshman year of high school that taught me everything i know about study strategies and organizing the time to get into coursework without feeling overwhelmed. he used to be a professor, so his way of teaching reflected that. so! i’m going to pass those tips onto you x

1) make sure to organize your workload based on class and what deadlines are due the soonest (i recommend getting a tiny planner just for course work) this allows you to see a physical embodiment of your schedule and what needs to be done without just scrambling in your brain. 2) have the recorder on your phone ready anytime your teacher is lecturing in class (this has been my absolute lifesaver), so you can go back and listen to it whenever you want and also write notes from that recording without the pressure of the clock. 3) any extended assignments such as readings or projects or essays etc. don’t have to be done all in one sitting. prioritize blocks of the reading or parts of the project/essay for certain days and only get that done on those specific days. this causes you to feel less overwhelmed about workload as you’re chipping away at it little by little instead of facing it head on. 4) if it’s written on the board or repeated twice— it’s important and will probably come up again later on a test or discussion etc. 5) read out loud as sometimes it’s better attained if you can hear the information that you’re reading. 6) flash cards!!! are your best friend!!! use them!! 7) color code certain sections of notes or information you’re studying as i’ve always found that color helps me retain what i’m studying when it comes to regurgitating it later. 8) if you find that you don’t understand parts of the coursework, find examples that relate to your experiences rather than the textbook. 9) always ask questions or even go to tutoring if you don’t feel comfortable enough with something that was taught in class— i never needed tutoring before high school and i had too much pride to go when i needed it so i flunked a few tests before i realized that my pride is dumb and it helped tremendously. and 10) most importantly, give yourself room to breath!

i know when we spiral down an anxiety rabbit hole, our mind just lays intrusive thought over intrusive thought until we’re lying in a puddle of defeat and thinking that our life is going nowhere lmao. but, you’re so young, bb. you’re just starting high school. these thoughts about college and jobs and living on your own do not have any right to cause you this much fear and existential dread right now. it’s still a ways away, and isn’t affecting you presently. i’ve learned that giving yourself grace and focusing on your present more than your past or future keeps you from having a meltdown. you can only control your present, and it’s vital that you take it one step at a time. you don’t have to try and climb all the stairs at once. face each struggle or worry as they come not as they materialize in your mind. life is all about these stepping stones that culminate into something larger, so don’t feel like you have to take on the world every day. sometimes, you can just take on a monday and let tuesday wait.

sorry for this being so long!! i hope this at least encouraged you a bit. you’re going to kill freshman year. i just know it ✨

#grey

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