#I've considered becoming a life coach later on in life

[peapodsplace]

I think it'd be nice if there were such thing as 'professional' caregivers; yknow functionally similar to good life coaches. Maybe they have some experience in psychology, if we're talking in a world where regression is widely accepted they could do specific regression-centred courses- in the world we're in now they could just have general experience. That way, regressors could both seek professional support and someone who's comforting and responsible. It'd be more casual and less full on than having a therapist and not always therapy-centric! I don't know, I think it'd be a cool career path.

#I've considered becoming a life coach later on in life #a decent one #but yeah i feel like some times not everyone wants a friend to be their cg or carer because it can put a lot of pressure on thatrelationshi #todd talks #agere #age regression #petre #pet regression #and yes not everyone might have the money but it would be a pretty helpful service #also takes a lot of risk!! if these people are certified!

[estapa-edwards]

TUTOR - E.EDWARDS

paring: Ethan Edwards x fem! reader

word count: 4.9k

requested? no

warnings: use of y/n. slow burn!

*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨*

The University of Michigan was a place of both challenge and opportunity, especially for those who were part of its renowned hockey team. Mark Estapa, my brother, was one of the key players on the team, and his friend Ethan Edwards was right there with him. The name Ethan Edwards was not unfamiliar to me; I had heard it countless times from Mark, usually followed by tales of impressive goals and game-winning plays.

It all started one afternoon at the hockey rink. I was there watching Mark practice, as I often did, cheering him on from the sidelines. After practice, Coach Naurato approached me, his expression serious, a stark contrast to the lively demeanor he exhibited during hockey practices.

"Y/N," he began, "I've heard from Mark how smart you are. Ethan is struggling with his academics, and I think you would be a great tutor for him. Would you consider helping him out?"

The idea caught me off guard. Ethan Edwards? The very same person who had made more than one snide remark about me in class? The thought of spending extra time with him was far from appealing.

"Coach," I hesitated, "I'm not sure that's such a good idea. Ethan and I don't exactly get along."

Coach Naurato sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I understand, Y/N, but I believe you're the best person to help him. Please, just think about it."

The weight of the decision pressed on me as I left the rink. The thought of helping someone who had shown me little respect was difficult to swallow. However, the importance of the hockey team to Mark, and the trust Coach Naurato placed in me, made me reconsider.

*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨*

After a few days of internal debate, I finally decided to give it a shot. I approached Ethan after our next class together, a hesitant smile on my face.

"Ethan, Coach Naurato told me about the tutoring," I started, trying to sound as friendly as possible. "I'm willing to help you out if you're serious about improving your grades."

Ethan looked surprised, his icy blue eyes narrowing slightly. "Why would you do that? We're not exactly best friends, Y/N."

I took a deep breath, trying to keep my patience intact. "This isn't about us becoming friends, Ethan. It's about helping you stay on the team and doing right by Mark."

There was a moment of silence, tension hanging in the air. Finally, Ethan nodded reluctantly. "Alright, fine. When do we start?"

Our first tutoring session was nothing short of a disaster. Ethan's attitude was immediately confrontational, making the atmosphere tense and uncomfortable from the start. He slouched in his chair, arms crossed defiantly, as he looked at the math problems I had prepared for him.

"Are we ever going to use this in real life?" he scoffed, pushing the paper away from him as if it were contaminated.

I took a deep breath, trying to maintain my composure. "Ethan, this is basic algebra. It's not just about solving for 'x'; it's about developing problem-solving skills that are essential for understanding more complex concepts later on."

Ethan rolled his eyes, a smirk playing on his lips. "Problem-solving skills? I've got plenty of those on the ice. What's the point of all this?"

I could feel my frustration growing, but I tried to stay focused on the task at hand. "The point, Ethan, is to help you improve academically so you can continue to play hockey. Coach Naurato believes in you, and so do I. But you have to be willing to put in the effort."

Ethan leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms even tighter. "Well, this is a waste of time. I don't need your help."

The session ended with both of us frustrated and no real progress made. I left the classroom that day questioning whether I was the right person for the job, doubting my ability to help someone who seemed so determined to resist. Ethan, on the other hand, seemed to revel in his own stubbornness, as if proving a point by refusing to cooperate.

*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨*

One evening, Ethan and I were deep into our tutoring session. We had been working on a particularly challenging math problem for what felt like hours, both of us growing increasingly frustrated as we struggled to find the solution.

"Just think it through step by step," I encouraged, pointing to the problem on the paper in front of us. "You're almost there, Ethan."

He looked at the problem, then back at me, a look of concentration on his face. Slowly, a spark of understanding appeared in his eyes.

"I think I've got it," he said, his voice filled with excitement.

I watched as he worked through the problem, his pencil moving quickly across the paper. And then, just like that, he arrived at the correct answer.

"Yes! I did it!" Ethan exclaimed, jumping up from his chair.

Caught up in the moment, I jumped up too, and before we knew it, we were hugging each other in celebration. It was a spontaneous, genuine expression of joy and relief, and for a moment, all the tension and awkwardness between us seemed to melt away.

But as quickly as the moment had come, it was gone. We both pulled away awkwardly, realizing the unexpected intimacy of the hug.

"Uh, sorry about that," Ethan mumbled, his cheeks turning a shade of red I had never seen before.

"No, it's okay," I stammered, equally embarrassed.

Outside of our tutoring sessions, however, our relationship remained as strained as ever. Our newfound camaraderie seemed to exist only within the confines of the classroom, disappearing as soon as we stepped outside the door.

During hockey practices and games, Ethan and I were back to being at odds with each other. He would make snide remarks, and I would respond with sarcastic comments of my own. Mark tried to mediate, reminding us both of the progress we had made, but it seemed that our truce was limited to our time spent studying together.

It was frustrating, to say the least, to see Ethan revert to his old ways so easily. But I tried to focus on the positive, reminding myself of the progress we had made and the genuine friendship that was slowly developing between us.

*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨*

One Friday night, Mark convinced me to join him and the rest of the team at a frat party. I wasn’t much of a party person, but he promised it would be a good way to unwind and have some fun. Reluctantly, I agreed, not anticipating the events that would unfold.

The frat house was packed with students, the music blaring and the atmosphere electric. Despite my initial reservations, I found myself enjoying the night, laughing and dancing with Mark and his teammates. However, as the night wore on, I made the mistake of indulging a bit too much in the drinks being passed around.

By the time midnight rolled around, I was considerably more intoxicated than I had intended to be. My vision was blurry, my balance unsteady, and the room seemed to spin around me. I knew I needed to get out of there, but the idea of walking home by myself in my current state was daunting.

As I stumbled towards the exit, I felt a hand on my arm, steadying me. I looked up to find Ethan Edwards standing beside me, a concerned expression on his face.

"Y/N, are you okay?" he asked, his voice tinged with genuine concern.

"I'm fine," I slurred, trying to pull away from him. "I just need to walk home."

Ethan looked at me incredulously, clearly recognizing that I was in no condition to make it home safely on my own.

"You're not walking home like this," he said firmly. "I'll drive you."

I scoffed at his suggestion, my intoxicated mind unable to process the genuine concern in his eyes.

"I am not driving home with you, are you crazy?" I snapped, my words slurring together.

Ethan sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "Look, Y/N, I know we don't get along, but I'm not going to let you walk home alone like this. It's not safe."

Despite my intoxicated state, I knew he was right. Reluctantly, I nodded, allowing him to guide me towards his car.

The car ride was quiet, the tension palpable. I stared out the window, trying to ignore the pounding headache and the nauseous feeling that threatened to overtake me. Ethan drove carefully, his eyes focused on the road ahead, seemingly determined to get me home safely.

As we pulled up to my apartment, I mustered the strength to speak, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Thank you, Ethan," I said, my words slurred but sincere. "I appreciate it."

Ethan glanced over at me, a soft smile on his face. "You're welcome, Y/N. Just... take care of yourself, okay?"

Just as I was about to reply, a sudden wave of nausea washed over me. Panic set in as I realized I was about to be sick.

"Ethan, pull over!" I yelled, my voice frantic.

Without hesitation, Ethan swerved the car to the side of the road, unlocking the doors and jumping out of the car to help. I barely had time to open the door before I was leaning out, vomiting onto the side of the road.

Ethan was right beside me, holding my hair back and rubbing my back soothingly as I emptied my stomach. Despite the awkwardness of the situation, there was a gentleness to his actions that I hadn't expected.

Once I was done, Ethan handed me a bottle of water he had in the car, and I rinsed my mouth out before spitting onto the grass.

"Are you okay?" he asked, genuine concern in his eyes.

I nodded weakly, grateful for his help despite the embarrassment of the situation.

"Yeah, I'm okay," I replied, my voice shaky. "Thank you, Ethan. I'm really sorry about this."

Ethan shook his head, dismissing my apology with a wave of his hand. "Don't worry about it, Y/N. Just make sure you get inside safely, okay?"

I nodded, suddenly feeling exhausted and ready to be home. "I will. Thanks again, Ethan."

As I made my way towards my apartment, I couldn't help but feel a mixture of embarrassment and gratitude towards Ethan. Despite our differences and the strained relationship we had, he had shown me kindness and concern in a moment of need.

As I closed the door behind me and leaned against it, taking a moment to collect myself, I realized that perhaps there was more to Ethan Edwards than met the eye. Our relationship was still complicated, but in that vulnerable moment, I couldn't help but feel a newfound respect for him.

*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨*

The next day, I woke up with a pounding headache and a sense of regret about the previous night's events. As I tried to piece together the evening, my thoughts kept drifting back to Ethan and his unexpected kindness. I found myself wondering if maybe, just maybe, there was more to him than the cocky, arrogant persona he often displayed.

Later that day, I received a text from Ethan.

Ethan: Hey, Y/N. Just wanted to check in and make sure you're feeling okay after last night. Let me know if you need anything.

I stared at the message for a moment, surprised by his thoughtfulness. It was a simple gesture, but it spoke volumes about his character.

Me: Hey Ethan, thanks for checking in. I'm feeling better, just a bit embarrassed about last night. I appreciate your help.

Ethan: No need to be embarrassed. We've all been there. Glad you're feeling better. If you ever need a ride or anything, just let me know.

*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨*

During a team dinner at a local restaurant, Ethan couldn't resist making another snide comment. The atmosphere was already buzzing with the excitement of Family Weekend, and I had been invited to join Mark and the team for the special occasion. Despite the festive mood, Ethan seemed determined to maintain our strained relationship.

"So, Y/N," he began, a sly grin on his face, "Do you tutor everyone on the team, or am I just lucky?"

I took a deep breath, trying to maintain my composure. I didn't want to cause a scene in front of Mark and the rest of the team, especially during a family event. "I tutor those who need help, Ethan. It's nothing personal."

He chuckled, taking a sip of his drink. "Sure, sure," he replied, the underlying tension clear in his tone.

Frustrated and tired of his constant jabs, I pulled Ethan aside, hoping to address the issue privately.

"Ethan, can we talk?" I asked, my voice low and controlled.

He looked at me, seemingly caught off guard by my request. "Sure, what's on your mind?"

"I didn't even want to tutor you," I admitted, my frustration evident. "Coach Naurato asked me to help you because Mark mentioned how much I've helped him with his academics. I agreed because I wanted to help you stay on the team, not because I enjoy being ridiculed by you at every opportunity."

Ethan looked at me, his expression changing from surprise to hurt. "I knew Coach asked you to tutor me because of Mark," he said quietly. "But hearing you say you didn't want to... it stings, Y/N."

I sighed, realizing the impact of my words. "Ethan, it's not that I didn't want to help you improve. It's your attitude towards me that's made this so challenging. Why do you do this to me?"

Ethan looked at me, a hint of vulnerability in his eyes. "I don't know, Y/N," he admitted, his voice softer than I had ever heard it. "I guess it's easier to push people away than to admit that I need help."

I raised an eyebrow, surprised by his honesty. "So, you're saying all this animosity is just a defense mechanism?"

He shrugged, avoiding my gaze. "Maybe. It's just... I've always had to prove myself, I guess I'm just used to putting up walls."

I took a moment to process his words, feeling a pang of empathy. "Ethan, I get it. We all have our insecurities and ways of protecting ourselves. But that doesn't give you the right to treat me poorly."

He nodded, looking back up at me. "I know, Y/N. I'm sorry. I'll try to do better."

I looked at him, searching his eyes for any sign of sincerity. "Alright, Ethan. I'll give you another chance. But you need to show me that you're serious about changing. And it can't just be in private, Ethan. You need to treat me with respect in front of other people too."

He nodded, determination in his eyes. "I promise, Y/N. Things will change."

Feeling a sense of relief and hope, I impulsively stepped forward and wrapped my arms around Ethan in a brief hug. To my surprise, he hesitated for a moment before cautiously returning the embrace.

Little did we know, Mark had walked into the restaurant at that exact moment and witnessed the entire exchange. A look of suspicion crossed his face as he watched us, his instincts telling him that something had changed between his sister and his teammate.

As Ethan and I pulled apart, we were unaware of the scrutiny we were now under. Mark's suspicions were piqued, and he couldn't shake the feeling that something significant had just occurred between us.

The atmosphere at the dinner table had noticeably shifted, and I couldn't help but feel a mix of anticipation and anxiety. While Ethan seemed genuinely committed to changing his behavior, the unintended consequence of Mark's newfound suspicion added a layer of complexity to our already complicated relationship.

*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨*

As the weeks passed, Ethan and I continued to spend more time together, both during our tutoring sessions and outside of them. Our relationship was slowly evolving, and the mutual animosity we once shared was gradually being replaced by a growing friendship and understanding.

However, Mark began to notice the change in our dynamics. He would often spot us together around campus, studying in the library, grabbing coffee, or even just chatting and laughing in the university courtyard. Despite our best efforts to keep our growing friendship under wraps, it was becoming increasingly difficult to hide the bond that was forming between us.

Mark couldn't shake the feeling that something was going on between his best friend and his sister. The secretiveness of our newfound friendship only heightened his suspicions. Why would Ethan and I keep this a secret from him if there was nothing to hide?

One evening, after a particularly productive tutoring session, Ethan and I were walking back to our dorms when we ran into Mark outside the hockey rink. He looked surprised to see us together, his eyes narrowing as he took in our relaxed demeanor.

"Hey, Y/N, Ethan," Mark greeted, his tone friendly but his eyes betraying a hint of suspicion. "What are you two up to?"

"We just finished a study session," I replied, trying to sound casual. "Ethan's really making progress."

Ethan nodded, offering Mark a genuine smile. "Yeah, Y/N's been a huge help."

Mark studied us for a moment, clearly not buying our casual demeanor. "That's great to hear," he said, his tone still friendly but now laced with curiosity. "You two seem to be spending a lot of time together."

I felt my cheeks heat up, realizing that our secret was becoming harder and harder to keep. "We're just friends, Mark. Nothing more."

Ethan chimed in, "Yeah, just trying to get my grades up and stay on the team."

Mark looked between us, his suspicion not completely alleviated but not wanting to push the issue further. "Alright, just remember, Ethan, she's my sister," he said, half-jokingly but with a serious undertone.

Ethan nodded, "I know, Mark. I'll always respect that." 

Despite Mark's attempt to convince himself that there was nothing going on between Ethan and me, his suspicions continued to gnaw at him. He couldn't shake the feeling of betrayal, knowing that the two closest people in his life were keeping something from him. Even though they weren't explicitly dating, the closeness between Ethan and me felt like a betrayal of his trust.

*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨*

As days turned into weeks, Mark found himself growing increasingly frustrated and angry. He couldn't understand why Ethan and I would keep our growing relationship a secret from him if there was nothing more to it. The more he thought about it, the more it fueled his suspicion and resentment.

One evening, Mark confronted me about his suspicions. We were alone in our dorm room, and the tension between us was palpable.

"Y/N, I need to know the truth," Mark said, his voice strained with emotion. "Are you and Ethan... more than just friends?"

I hesitated, unsure of how to respond. The truth was that Ethan and I had grown closer over the past few weeks, but we hadn't officially defined our relationship. However, I couldn't deny the growing feelings I had developed for him.

"Mark, I... I don't know what to say," I replied, feeling torn between my loyalty to my brother and my burgeoning feelings for Ethan.

Mark's expression darkened, his anger bubbling to the surface. "Don't play dumb with me, Y/N. I've seen the way you two look at each other, the way you're always together. How could you keep this from me?"

I sighed, feeling a wave of guilt wash over me. "I'm sorry, Mark. I never meant to hurt you. It just... happened."

Mark shook his head, unable to hide his disappointment. "I thought I could trust you, Y/N. I thought Ethan was my friend. But it turns out, I was wrong about both of you."

I reached out to him, desperate to mend our fractured relationship. "Mark, please. I know this is difficult, but I care about Ethan. And I care about you. I don't want to lose either of you."

But Mark pulled away, his trust shattered. "I need some time, Y/N. I need to figure out how to deal with this betrayal."

As he left the room, the weight of his words hung heavy in the air. I knew that repairing the damage to our relationship would take time and effort, but I was determined to do whatever it took to make things right.

*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨*

During the next hockey practice, the tension between Mark and Ethan was palpable. Both were competitive and passionate about the sport, but the underlying animosity stemming from Mark's feelings of betrayal added a new level of intensity to their interactions on the ice.

As they found themselves on opposite teams during a scrimmage, Mark's aggression towards Ethan became increasingly evident. He was playing more aggressively than usual, delivering harder checks and playing with a level of determination that seemed fueled by his feelings of anger and betrayal.

Ethan, sensing the change in Mark's demeanor, tried to keep his cool and focus on the game. However, it became increasingly challenging as Mark continued to target him, making the practice more of a personal vendetta than a team exercise.

At one point, during a particularly heated moment in the game, Mark delivered a high check to Ethan, causing him to crash into the boards. The impact was hard, and Ethan fell to the ice, clutching his shoulder in pain.

The coach blew the whistle, signaling an end to the scrimmage and rushing onto the ice to check on Ethan's condition. The entire team gathered around, their concern evident as Ethan struggled to his feet, wincing from the pain.

"Are you okay, Ethan?" Coach Naurato asked, his voice filled with concern.

Ethan nodded, trying to brush off the incident. "I'm fine, just a bit shaken up."

Mark, realizing the gravity of his actions, looked visibly remorseful as he approached Ethan. "I'm sorry, Ethan. I let my emotions get the best of me. That was uncalled for."

Ethan looked at Mark, his expression a mix of pain and understanding. "It's okay, Mark. I get it. But we need to figure this out."

The coach, sensing the need to address the situation immediately, called for a team meeting to discuss the underlying issues and find a way to resolve the tension between Mark and Ethan.

"As a team, we need to support each other, both on and off the ice," Coach Naurato began, addressing the entire team. "Personal issues should not interfere with our performance and unity as a team."

Mark and Ethan exchanged a glance, realizing that their personal issues were affecting not only their relationship but also the team's dynamics and performance.

"We need to find a way to resolve our differences and work together for the sake of the team," Ethan said, breaking the silence.

Mark nodded, his expression serious. "I agree, Ethan. I let my emotions cloud my judgment, and I'm sorry."

*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨*

When I found out about the altercation between Mark and Ethan during practice, I was furious. I couldn't believe that their personal issues had escalated to the point where it was affecting the entire team. Determined to resolve the situation once and for all, I called them both over to my apartment.

As they entered, they could sense the anger and frustration in my demeanor. I didn't waste any time getting to the point.

"What the hell were you two thinking?" I exclaimed, my voice filled with anger. "You let your personal issues get in the way of the team's performance, and it's not okay!"

Mark and Ethan exchanged a guilty glance, realizing the gravity of their actions and the impact it had on the team.

Before they could respond, I continued, "I'm tired of this tension between you two. If you have a problem with each other, then deal with it like adults and stop letting it affect the team!"

Mark looked at me, his expression a mix of guilt and understanding. "You're right, Y/N. I let my emotions get the best of me, and I'm sorry. It's not fair to you, Ethan, or the team."

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my anger. "It's not just about the team, Mark. It's about your friendship with Ethan and your trust in me. I can't believe you would let this situation escalate to the point where it affects our relationship."

Mark looked at me, his expression softening. "Y/N, I've thought about it a lot, and if you and Ethan want to date, I'm okay with it. I'd be happy to have Ethan as a possible brother-in-law. I just need to know that you're both serious about each other and that this won't happen again."

Ethan looked at Mark, surprised by his admission. "Mark, are you serious? You're okay with Y/N and me dating?"

I turned to Ethan, my eyes widening in surprise. "You would want to date me?" I asked, my voice tinged with a mixture of surprise and hope.

Ethan smiled, his eyes softening as he looked at me. "Yes, Y/N, I would. Despite our initial disagreements and the challenges we've faced, I've come to care about you deeply. I'd like to see where this relationship could go, if you're willing."

I felt my heart swell with emotion, touched by his sincerity and the vulnerability he was displaying. "Ethan, I've developed feelings for you too. Despite everything, I've come to appreciate the person you are underneath all the bravado. I'd like to see where this could lead as well."

Mark, witnessing the exchange, let out a soft chuckle. "Well, it seems like the feelings are mutual. Just promise me that you both will be honest with each other and with me moving forward. I want you both to be happy, but I also want to make sure that this won't cause any issues with the team or our friendship."

Ethan and I nodded in agreement, grateful for Mark's understanding and support. "We promise, Mark," I assured him. "Our relationship won't change our commitment to our friendship or the team."

*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨*

After Mark had given his approval for Ethan and me to date, the dynamic between the three of us shifted noticeably. The tension that once clouded our interactions began to dissipate, replaced by a newfound sense of camaraderie and mutual respect.

Mark, always the protective older brother, now seemed more at ease with our relationship. He made an effort to include Ethan in our family gatherings and often invited him over for dinner or to watch hockey games on TV. It was clear that Mark was trying to build a strong relationship with Ethan, not just as a teammate but now also as a potential future brother-in-law.

One evening, Mark organized a small get-together at our family home. It was an informal gathering, with just a few close friends and teammates. As Ethan and I arrived, Mark greeted us warmly at the door, a genuine smile on his face.

"Hey, you two. Come on in," Mark said, giving me a playful nudge and a wink. "Ethan, glad you could make it."

"Thanks for having us, Mark," Ethan replied, returning the smile. "Smells great in here."

Throughout the evening, Mark made an effort to involve both Ethan and me in conversations, ensuring we felt comfortable and included. He even shared a few embarrassing childhood stories about me, much to my chagrin, but it was all in good fun and made for a lively and enjoyable evening.

As the night wore on, Mark pulled Ethan aside for a private conversation. I couldn't help but feel a bit anxious, wondering what they were discussing. After a few minutes, they rejoined the group, both of them wearing satisfied smiles.

"Everything okay?" I asked, looking between the two of them.

"Yeah, everything's great," Mark replied, putting an arm around Ethan's shoulders. "I've got to say, Y/N, you've picked a good one."

Ethan chuckled, his cheeks turning a shade of red. "Thanks, Mark. I think you're pretty great too."

As the months passed, our relationship continued to flourish, and Mark's initial reservations about Ethan and me dating seemed to fade away completely. He became one of our biggest supporters, always there to offer advice, lend a listening ear, or celebrate our milestones as a couple.

*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨*

One weekend, Ethan and I planned a getaway trip to a cabin in the mountains. Knowing that Mark was an experienced hiker and outdoorsman, we invited him to join us. To our surprise, he agreed, and the three of us spent a memorable weekend hiking, exploring, and bonding over shared meals and campfire stories.

By the end of the trip, it was clear that Ethan had earned Mark's trust and respect. They had forged a strong bond, built on mutual interests and a shared love for adventure. As we packed up to leave, Mark pulled Ethan aside for another private conversation.

"Take care of her, okay?" Mark said, his voice filled with sincerity.

"You have my word, Mark," Ethan replied, shaking Mark's hand firmly. "I care about Y/N deeply, and I'll always do my best to make her happy."

As we drove back home, I couldn't help but feel a profound sense of gratitude and happiness. I was grateful for Ethan's unwavering support and love, but also for Mark's acceptance and the bond we had all formed together.

honestly I hate this, but I wanted to get something out for you guys. Please dont be afraid to request!

#ethan edwards #ethan edwards x reader #ethan edwards x y/n #umich hockey #hockey #ethan edwards x oc #mark estapa

[asliceofzosan]

please do continue your thoughts on the hockey player sanji and figure skater zoro bc i am eating it like a feral dog rn 👀👀👀👀👀🫦

with pleasure !! fair warning, i don't know every single thing about both sports. i've retained info from when i was super obsessed with them but i might not be the most accurate HAHAHA this one is about zoro as a figure skater ! mayhaps if u send me another ask, i can talk about sanji as a hockey player :>

when i was thinking about figure skater zoro, the first thing that came to my mind was which discipline would he major in. when he was a kid, i think he was dead set on being an olympic gold medalist and was determined to get it alone. so he wanted to be the best in the mens singles discipline. i saw someone wrote in the tags of my post that sword fighting is akin to figure skating (at least in singles) to not be a team sport. for the most part, it really isn't. especially since early zoro, who was determined to become the best figure skater in the world, didn't think being in a team yet mattered to his goal.

in this au, i envision that kuina just had a major spinal injury that left her unable to skate again. kuina and zoro had the same childhood coach (kuina's dad) and eventually zoro changed coaches when he grew up and decided to switch to pairs skating. (his current coach is mihawk — former 3 time olympic gold medalist. twice in mens singles and once in pairs. debating on whether his one skating partner before retirement would be perona or someone else)

the reason why i think he'd much rather go for pairs skating over ice dancing is due to pairs skating being more acrobatic. which isn't to say he hasn't considered it before !! some of his other figure skating idols are in ice dancing. however, he found pairs skating more appealing to him and his personal goal.

the absolute trust as well that you and your partner have is crucial. zoro entering pairs skating ties into what his philosophy of strength is. he can't be the best alone. he can be the best with nami as his skating partner, who trusts him implicitly to catch her every time she's tossed into the air. there's also so many opportunities to push himself mentally and physically when in pairs. it's not just you on the ice. you can't be the only one who looks good. your partners and you have to be in sync the entire time. this definition from the us figure skating site sums it up pretty well:

"The pairs event combines the athleticism of singles skating with the challenge of unison and the acrobatics of overhead lifts and throws. Each movement is performed in unison, requiring a significant amount of timing and trust between partners." (usfigureskating)

also on a personal note, i have a very self-indulgent headcanon that zoro is very musically inclined. probably took lots of dance and ballet lessons as a kid to strengthen his skillset for skating. he's very strict with hitting beats just right and feeling the flow of the music from his head down to his toes. thats very important in figure skating. zoro considers the presentation score just as important as the technical score and anyone who says otherwise is stupid.

he's very defensive over his sport. he's had to be held back from fist fights before with obnoxious hockey kids who thought his sport was lame and not a real sport. that's part of the reason why he never found interest in hockey. though his best friend luffy is a fantastic athlete in his own right, he can't for the life of him ever find it enjoyable. (except when the teams go into fights on ice. he cheers for luffy to punch people in the face every time)

ofc zoro only really ends up having more interest in the sport when sanji joins luffy's team a few years later. but that's a story for another day ;)

#zosan #roronoa zoro #one piece #niki's fics: checks and balances #niki's asks

[azalawa-scroggs]

OKAY I guess I'm doing this. While working on my fic Ananke, which is an exploration of Manfred von Karma's perspective from DL-6 all the way to Turnabout Goodbyes, I've been having so, so many thoughts about him that I realised they didn't actually all hold into my fic. So I thought that maybe I should make them a tumblr piece. This thought has kinda just hovered at the back of my mind flaring from time to time, but eventually I decided to jump the gun. (No pun intended.) (That's a lie.)

So, um. Manfred von Karma character analysis time, I guess?

(Warning: this turned out to be LONG.)

The question I see pop up a whole lot when it comes to this guy is: Is he a good father? I'll be honest from the beginning: I'm not going to give an answer to that question here. What this is going to be is a somewhat larger examination of his character, which naturally does involve, in great part, his influence on Miles and Franziska. But I don't want to lock myself in the false binary of a yes/no question when there's so much else to talk about.

So I want to, sure, talk about him as a father a little, but mostly as a piece of the narrative, as a mentor, as a legacy-holder, and as a bringer of destiny - because he is not called Karma for nothing.

We first hear about him from Edgeworth in Turnabout Goodbyes, right as his trial is about to begin. Edgeworth seems utterly terrified of him prosecuting his case. "He is a god of prosecution, Wright, a god," he tells us. "He taught me what it means to prosecute. Imagine a prosecutor as ruthless as me, times twenty." Considering Edgeworth has been giving us a bit of trouble himself, between witness coaching and updated autopsy reports, that's quite the introduction.

And the man lives up to his reputation. He barely lets us align two words before interrupting us and scoffing at us, he's the first one to make the judge give us a penalty for pressing a testimony in the wrong place, when pressing testimonies had been such an important way of getting information up until then, he's dismissive and memeishly funny and a piece of shit and an absolutely great final boss... and then he also happens to be the culprit of DL-6. The case that has been underlying the whole game, and whose repercussions are going to be felt for the next two ones. Discovering him and taking him down is one of the best pay-offs ever after a masterful, game-long build-up.

Tumblr user trlsvn wrote a very thoughtful post in answer to an ask, making the point that von Karma is a story element before being a person. His primary purpose is to drive the plot to its conclusion, more than being psychologically developed as a character. Our antagonist up until now has been Edgeworth, but Edgeworth is being given a redemption arc, and so von Karma stands as the evil behind him.

The writers make the decision to humanize [Edgeworth], make him not just a character that represents a wrong idea but a person who has a backstory and some good in his heart [...]. This is where we start to question what exactly made him like this - this is why Miles gets a tragic backstory. He is meant to be explained, he is meant to be human, he is meant to be more. So Manfred von Karma becomes the answer. He is the reason, he is the influence, the part of Miles's life that made him like this and the part that he starts to oppose.

I recommend reading the post for more thoughts about his narrative role as a mirror to Edgeworth and a symbol of what he could have become. Von Karma is, like Redd White and later Damon Gant, the personification of the corruption of the courts that we've been fighting. He represents everything that Phoenix stands against, he is a willing and willful cog in the system that convicts people for crimes they did not commit. His metaphorical crimes, the innocents he sends to death row or to life in prison, all culminate and cristallise into an actual, legally defined crime: the murder of defence attorney Gregory Edgeworth, who represents - quite literally, in court - all those innocents.

Turnabout Goodbyes is possibly my favourite case in the entire series, because on top of having incredible pacing and wrapping up the first game wonderfully, it is so very dramatic. There is theatre in there; I may be getting ahead of myself in this but I find it Shakespearean. There is an atmosphere of supernatural mystery on the misty lake, with those two gunshots resounding in the silence and the ominous shape of "Robert Hammond" disappearing in the water without a trace. The slowly unveiled connection to DL-6, Edgeworth's recurring nightmare, the wound of the unsolved crime fifteen years festering, the guilt of patricide.

And, at the centre of it all, von Karma. The prosecutor who was Edgeworth's mentor and who has been making our job difficult every step of the way - it turns out he is behind everything. His overly complicated revenge scheme makes him something of an Iago. The murder, the blood on his hands, something of a Macbeth. The place he then took in Edgeworth's life, something of a Claudius.

The localisation also did something that I find very interesting with him: they made him German nobility. His Japanese name is Karuma Gou; "Karuma" is basically "Karma," and "Gou" according to the wiki could mean "great" or "excellent," or "fires of hell" or "the effect of karma." The localisation took back Karma, added the particle "von" to it and made the rest of his name basically a reference to Manfred von Richthofen, the Red Baron. Von Richthofen was a German pilot during WWI; he is famous for being basically undefeated for years, having a nearly unmatched victory record, and being brought down by a single bullet. Sounds familiar?

There's probably something to be said about Mei, Franziska in the original version, being a Japanese immigrant practising law in the USA burdened by her father's legacy into expecting impossible perfection of herself, but I am nowhere near qualified to make that point, so I am going to stick with the localisation from here on. Making the von Karmas nobility is interesting to me because the nobility as a social class is one of declining power. They once had power, and they still hold a certain social prestige, but their political power is in fact gone as the system that supported them is no longer in action, and most of them are losing their money or already ruined. As a reaction, many nobles (not all of them, but this is again about archetypes) stay among themselves, hold conservative values and sometimes somewhat of a superiority complex due to their education. Nobility's core value, by its very structure, is that of family, so although this was more the case at the time where they were the ruling class, there can be an emphasis on upholding one's legacy and being worthy of the family name. All of those elements suit the von Karmas extremely well.

And Manfred, the patriarch, holds a particular place in that family. He is defined by his power. He is the establishment, the system you're fighting against. He is the nepotism and the corruption, and he holds all the prestige that makes taking him down extremely difficult.

So von Karma holds a strategic place in the narrative as the literal and symbolic obstacle you must take down, but... when it comes to his motivations, we get nothing. We know, for a fact, that perfection is the most important thing to him. We know he was so shocked at receiving a penalty that he dissociated for at least five hours afterwards, and that plus the pain of a bullet in his shoulder was enough to drive him to kill a man. We know that he mentored Edgeworth, his enemy and murder victim's son. We know that fifteen years later, he framed Edgeworth for murder with the intention of falsely revealing Edgeworth as his father's killer, in a plot that was a significant risk to himself, and which ended up uncovering him as the true culprit the very day before he would have been free forever. Later on, we learn that he not only taught Edgeworth his work, but took him in and raised him, so that his daughter saw Edgeworth as a brother.

Put together, those aren't actions that are logical or make any sense. The whole thing is actually completely insane. And the game doesn't offer us the slightest explanation as to why he did them.

Most of the fandom runs on the idea that framing Edgeworth, presumably having him convicted for Hammond's murder, and compelling him into confessing to his father's murder afterwards was his plan from the very moment he decided to take Edgeworth in. That's not a groundless idea but it isn't actually canon. It's a theory that was formulated by Marvin Grossberg:

Maya: B-but how could von Karma know about Mr. Edgeworth's past like that? Even Mr. Edgeworth thought it was just a nightmare! Grossberg: Hmm... That, I do not know. Yet I do know that von Karma is both persistent... and a perfectionist. He may be seeking to satisfy a grudge against Gregory Edgeworth by hurting his son.

But von Karma himself gives us nothing.

Phoenix: Why did you take his son under your wing afterwards? The son of your most bitter rival? Karma: ... That, my dear attorney, is none of your business.

So it could be Grossberg was right and this really was a fifteen-year-old revenge plot in the making. It could also be that von Karma, a father himself, felt enough guilt at the thought that his impulsive crime had orphaned this kid that he decided he should take him in. Equally, there is the possibility he realised the third person in the elevator that day was a potential witness of his crime, and that he took Miles in to surveil and control him. Or it could be yet another thing - the point is, we do not know. The game gives us nothing.

(The theory I chose to explore in Ananke is a mix of several things: that it started with good intentions, then as he realised Miles was a potential witness, hatred and paranoia grew in him until they spiralled into framing him for murder as a desperate attempt to erase him from his life. But there are many possibilities.)

In fact, except for Edgeworth and Franziska's clear admiration of their mentor and father, the main games also don't give us anything about their dynamic with him. Edgeworth and he never interact directly in Turnabout Goodbyes, unless you count von Karma's breakdown, and after that he is in prison. Franziska first appears in the story after he's been locked up. To see them interact, we need to turn towards other media. There are little bits and pieces in interviews and official manga but the main media featuring them are two: Ace Attorney Investigations, the spin-off game starring Miles Edgeworth, and one episode of the Ace Attorney anime, Sound the Turnabout Melody.

And what's interesting is that von Karma's characterisation in those two pieces of media is at first glance completely different. It is my theory that this is the reason for this insane controversy around the character's parenting skills. They're not contradictory, as such, but it definitely takes some brain power in order to reconcile the two - and as such it opens wider possibilities of interpretation.

(Spoilers ahead for both cases.)

In Turnabout Reminiscence, the fourth case of Ace Attorney Investigations and a flashback case from Edgeworth's early career, von Karma acts as the main source of exposition. Edgeworth has just been assigned the very first case of his career by way of hasty reassignment after the previous prosecutor was compromised, and von Karma quizzes him to make sure he knows the facts of the case perfectly. Then of course, shenanigans happen, and by shenanigans I mean murder because this is Ace Attorney. Edgeworth investigates, he is joined by Franziska, and the case progresses.

Mostly, von Karma acts in a rather neutral way. He prompts Edgeworth into giving information, praises him when the information is correct, completes his information with some of his own, all peppered with various "Hmph!"s and "Bah!"s and other expressions of contempt, with a few quips full of dramatic irony here and there ("Criminals have a way of incriminating themselves, don't they?") and many, many demands for perfection - as well as internal oaths from Edgeworth to uphold it, bless him. He dismisses Franziska when she asks him if he will come to see her court debut ("... I'll consider it") and calls Edgeworth worthless when Edgeworth asks to do something Manfred isn't keen on seeing him do. In fact the whole exchange is pretty interesting in terms of the dynamic between the three of them:

Edgeworth: ...Sir, if I may, please allow me to continue with my investigation. Manfred: Whatever for? Edgeworth: I know that there is already a suspect in the murder of Mr. Faraday and Mr. Rell... ...however, there is not enough evidence to prove that it was he who committed the crime. I'd like to continue investigating in order to find the perfect proof of his guilt. Manfred: The perfect proof? Don't make me laugh! A worthless person like you has no right to claim such a thing as perfection! Edgeworth: .................. Franziska: .........Umm, Papa? Who do you think is the real culprit behind these murders? Manfred: .................. Franziska: Miles and I, we're competing to see who can find the real killer first. Plus, being able to investigate a real crime scene is a really rare opportunity. It would give us some real-life experience, wouldn't you agree? Manfred: ...Hmph! If you want to investigate this case that much, then do as you wish. Edgeworth: Then, you're allowing us to continue...? Manfred: In court, your top priority is to win, and a solid investigation is one of the keys to winning. We have to make sure you become recognized as a first-rate prosecutor, don't we? .........It wouldn't be very interesting otherwise.

To be noted that on that last line, Manfred is smirking.

While there are several reasons why he could be saying that, the smirk specifically, to me, establishes it firmly as a reference to his plan to frame Edgeworth for the murder of Robert Hammond in Turnabout Goodbyes.

All in all, his characterisation here is pretty much in line from what we saw of him in Turnabout Goodbyes and what we could infer from Franziska's words in Justice for All - in all his Sunday cartoon villain glory. But since this is a completely different case, his motivations for either taking Edgeworth in or framing him for murder are still a complete mystery.

Now let's turn to the anime. Surprisingly, it is an entirely different beast.

The sixth episode of the second season, Sound the Turnabout Melody, is a flashback case from when Miles was twelve years old. The anime is the first media that actually establishes that Edgeworth grew up in the von Karma household, as opposed to being merely von Karma's student and Franziska's (somewhat one-sided) rival. Miles is still struggling with the grief and trauma of his father's death, waking up from his nightmare alone and crying in a huge bed under a high ceiling. Franziska is desperate to cheer him up and make him smile. She convinces her father to take them to see one of their trials, then they go to the mall to have pancakes. During the outing, Miles's dog gets lost. There are shenanigans (murder-free this time) involving another lost dog, reward money and a radio message from Phoenix, after which Edgeworth corners a woman trying to steal the other lost dog for the reward money while von Karma is watching his budding prosecutorial skills from the corner. At the end of the episode von Karma cancels the orphanage application he'd been filing for Miles, ties a cravat around his neck, and Miles gives a bright and wide smile for the first time in the episode at the sign of acceptance, which makes Franziska quietly happy in the corner in turn.

If, while reading this, you were imagining a charming "slice of life" story, a feel-good little piece that establishes dynamics and in which nothing truly bad happens... you would be right. The episode is centred on Miles, showing him as he adapts to his new life and starts to think about his path in life. DL-6 is, of course, alluded to, but only in passing: Miles has the nightmare, he is shown questioning whether he really wants to follow in Gregory's footsteps, von Karma mentions to him after his trial that "if only your father were my opponent, I would have enjoyed myself a little." A rather baffling statement, considering the entire reason Gregory can't be von Karma's opponent is that von Karma ensured that himself, but I digress. In fact von Karma is only there in the background, although he too undergoes an arc of sorts, from being in the process of sending Miles to an orphanage to deciding to let him stay with them. We do, however, get a glimpse of his thoughts for the first time:

Von Karma: I didn't know myself why I decided to adopt that boy three years ago. But I think I caught a glimpse of the reason why today. It wasn't out of guilt. I simply wanted to see what path the pain I had taken on would take. That is my karma.

This is the translation of the subtitles, but the dubbed version is a little different:

I wanted to see where the path of pain would lead us, and how it would eventually develop. Karma has a strange way of showing itself...

What this actually means is quite mysterious, but fascinating. What does he mean by "the path of pain/the path the pain I had taken on would take?" Why is that his karma, if guilt didn't spur him to act? The words ask more questions than they answer.

All in all, factually it doesn't contradict anything previously established. Von Karma lies to the journalists about the fact that his win record doesn't matter to him, only bringing criminals to justice, because again if that had been the truth he would never have killed Gregory Edgeworth, but for the rest, it is all pretty consistent with the games.

But the gentle tone of the episode, especially if you're coming fresh off of "you and your father are my curse," is jarring. There are different ways to reconcile that. First of all, neither the anime nor Ace Attorney: Investigations are the mainline game series, and as far as I know the writing team of the main game series worked on neither of those two things, which probably explains the discrepancies. The canon status of the anime especially is arguable. Secondly, both of those pieces of media have their ambiguities. When it comes to the anime, a friend over Discord told me that to them it read like "the honeymoon phase in an abusive cycle," with as evidence the pointed comments about Miles's father which can be read as derisive and willfully undermining, Miles's overall downcast attitude around the von Karmas, and some "noose imagery" in the scene where von Karma ties the cravat around his neck.

That interpretation, of course, is only that; it is in no way canon. In fact, you could absolutely make the opposite case of taking the cute, heartwarming tone of the anime at face value, and arguing that it is in the Investigations case that the tonal dissonance resides. I don't have a source for this except the hearsay of Japanese-speaking friends, but the Japanese word which was translated into "worthless" in AAI would apparently be less harsh in the original version, being closer to meaning "amateur," or “a person without experience.” (It is to be reminded that in Turnabout Goodbyes, von Karma called Edgeworth “an amateur and a romanticist” when talking about him with Phoenix, so that could absolutely be a reference to his characterisation in that case.) And aside from that line, von Karma's behaviour towards Miles is overall neutral.

Those are the two most extreme interpretations, but naturally there are many ways in-between to read those two pieces of media. My point is that the range of the characterisation is actually very wide. Various manga, interviews, promotional material travel in that gap: between victory family karaoke sessions on the tune of My Way, joke strips where Phoenix manages to make von Karma burst into tears by mentioning his daughter leaving the nest, and Edgeworth being roped by his mentor into being a chauffeur for an impromptu shopping trip on his day off, the different insights into the creators' imagined dynamics of the family do not help paint a more cohesive image.

And we still have no answer regarding his motivations.

What we do have is the perspective of his wards on how he shaped them into who they are today. His influence on them is felt even years after his downfall, something they aren't shy about; but they aren't exactly open about their feelings about him, either.

It's obvious for Franziska, of course, whose mentions of the von Karma name in Justice for All might as well be a drinking game. Interestingly, though, when it comes to her feelings for her father himself, she is remarkably guarded.

Maya: Why do you keep giving Nick the evil eye!? It doesn't matter if you prove the defendant guilty tomorrow... Nothing will be able to bring your dad back! von Karma: ... My... Dad? You must mean the esteemed Manfred von Karma. Maya: Of course! Your dad! I know you miss him... von Karma: Enough out of you... One more word and you'll get a mouthful of whip. Now. When did I ever bring up my papa's name in this, or any other conversation...?

It's only to Edgeworth that she confesses about how much her family legacy weighs on her in the post-credits scene of the same case.

von Karma: Shut up! You don't understand a thing! You can't possibly understand what it means to be "Manfred von Karma's daughter"! Edgeworth: Franziska... von Karma: So many expectations from everyone around me... Expectations I must fulfill! I'm expected to win no matter what. And failure? Such a thing is not an option for me! My father was a genius. There's no doubt about that! But... But me... I'm no genius. I've always known that. Edgeworth: ... von Karma: But I... I had to be one. I had to.

(Franziska beloved. You became a criminal prosecutor at 13 years old. Kindly shut up about not being a genius <3)

In contrast, this is what she has to say about being the daughter of Manfred von Karma in Bridge to the Turnabout:

Judge: V-Von Karma, you say…? Perchance, you wouldn't be of any relation to the legendary prosecutor Manfred von Karma? von Karma: … Legends are a thing of the past. I am a Von Karma. That is all.

And then she also has a few lines about it in Ace Attorney Investigations 2. The lines are ostensibly about another character's struggle, but you know they refer to her own.

From The Forgotten Turnabout:

Franziska: However... one must be able to accept the mistakes of their father... ...no matter how much they may look up to him...

And from The Grand Turnabout:

Franziska: "Going up against your own father..." It won't be easy.

Regarding Edgeworth, he is about as quiet about it. He briefly says this upon his return in Farewell, My Turnabout:

Edgeworth: A lot of things may have happened, however Manfred von Karma was still my mentor. And a "perfect win record" is proof of a Von Karma.

He also has this conversation with Ernest Amano in The Kidnapped Turnabout:

Ernest: Ah... Seeing that badge reminds me of Manfred. Now HE was one fine prosecutor, the best of the best. Edgeworth: ...Yes, I can't disagree with you there. Ernest: Hmm... I sense that you don't really want to talk about him. Edgeworth: How I feel about him... It's hard for me to be truthful about that with another person. Ernest: Your hard countenance... I don't know what you're thinking or feeling... ...but mark my words, I think you are Manfred's true successor. I really do. Edgeworth: ..................

When it comes to Edgeworth and his complicated double legacy especially, I really really recommend this post by lorillee, a long meta piece on that specific topic in Ace Attorney: Investigations 2 which gave me a lot of food for thought.

What we see here in this whole load of quotes is that Miles and Franziska have slightly different, yet still very similar ways to talk about about Manfred. Both of them readily admit to his skill as a prosecutor and don't shy away from the way he influenced them. However they also do not open up at all when it comes to their actual feelings about him. Edgeworth puts that reluctance into words in his own thoughts; we unfortunately aren't privy to Franziska's, but the way she outright refuses to talk about her experience, unless it is a snide reference made about another's struggle, makes it clear she is in the same situation.

I don't really have any clever observation to wrap up this already much too long post. But it is really interesting to me how deep an influence on the narrative this character has, despite a limited amount of appearances in the series and practically non-existent insight into his own motivations. Miles's and Franziska's perspectives on him are a fascinating exploration of the themes of family, of legacy, of how even the worst betrayal by the most awful criminal doesn't cut their influence away from you; how even gods of prosecution remain, in the end, human, and keep a very human place in the life of the people close to them.

#Ace Attorney #Manfred von Karma #Miles Edgeworth #Franziska von Karma #meta #perfection is the norm #phew that stayed in the draftbox a loooong time #ugh. I give up on the formatting #Aza talks too much #(seriously this is so wordy)

[annaromione]

Season 4 wishes

Ricky and Gina: They are cast as Troy and Gabriella, respectively. After the kiss they will try to keep their relationship private from the public eye. However due to Ricky's newfound heartthrob popularity and Gina's rising success they will struggle due to the media pressure, and because of that they will pressuring themselves, in private. Thy will have an argument towards the end of the season, that will end with Ricky declaring his love to Gina, and both of them going public with their romantic status. Gina will also deal with having her mum back at home, and Ricky with his future, with him realizing, that, as much as he loves performing, that is not what he wants to dedicate his life to. They would talk about both, the past and the future of their relationship. They end the season rock solid.

Big Red and Ashlyn and Maddox: Ashlyn as Mrs Darbus, I guess, while Big Red could be Zeke or Coach Bolton. Maddox is a techy. Maddox (as well as Jet) will change schools to East High. Redlyn will start the season both trying to juggle their newfound sexualities with their relationship. Ashlyn will talk to Big Red about her discovery during camp, and after trying for a while, they will eventually break up mid-season. Meanwhile, Maddox will try to date Madison, but it will end sooner rather than later due to Maddox evident crush. I don't want the typical cheater bisexual gf plot for Ashlyn, but I do think that her and Maddox will end the season together. I've decided to guess that Maddox and Big Red are the same age, so they will bond over tech and their future. Big Red decides to study something about cooking or bussiness, while Maddox decides to study something related with an engineer of some sorts. The three of them will be considered LGTBIQ+ icons by the fans of the doc.

Jet and Kourtney: Chad and Taylor. Kourtney and Howie will break up at the beggining of the season (if they are not broken up already). Her and Jet will dance around their feelings during most of the season, finally ending up together. Not in the finale, but some episode nearby. Kourtney's anxiety plot will continue, mainly due to college spectations. I want her to join a lot of clubs and activities and to eventually feel overwhelmed, and have an anxiety attack mid-season. During the rest of the show she will try to project and relax. Jet will have a hard time trying to fit in in high school only ever truly hanging out wth Ricky, Kourtney and Maddox, who are a grade above him, I want him to become friends with Seb because I feel that would be a really ironic and hilarious relationship. Kourtney will become a fashion icon, of course.

Seb and Carlos: They will portray Sharpay and Ryan. They will talk about their echonimically different upbringings, and about the effect of the documentary. They will fight (and deep down I want them to break up for a more dramatic effect, getting back together at the end of the season again, or on the next one), and will have numerous and multiple arguments, because while Carlos is a star, Seb isn't. Seb will believe that he is not going to become a star, being the only one of his friends without any impact on the doc ('cause I mean, what Big Red said is simply iconic). They will eventually make up, and Carlos will tell Seb that everyone has got a different timing. I also, just for fun, want an episode where Carlos and Seb are working on the farm.

EJ: I'm incredibly excited about his storyline this season. I want him to be part of the crew of the hsm4 movie, lik an assistant for Corbin os something like that. He will start feeling older, and kind of left out of his high school friends, as he is no longer in high school anymore. His dad and him will have a tense scene during the show, with Ej even threatening of moving out (or actually doind it, lol). Maybe Kylie Catrall's character is working with him or something like that. They may have romantic undertones BUT THEY SHOULD NOT DATE, at least not until the very end. EJ and his dad will eventually make peace with each other. Ej will realize his dream is to work as a director or something behind the scenes.

Then, talking about scenes that will give me certain self-fullfilment, I will love for EJ and Ricky to talk about the whole Nini-Ricky-Gina-EJ square, maybe Gina joining them later. I want a kind of rivalry between Jet and Big Red because both of them think they are Ricky's bff, and him ultimateley revelling is Gina (I saw this in twitter I believe, and I thought it was perfect). And I would absolutely love if Zanessa would talk with Ricky and Gina. Literally a dream come true.

Then, about the songs (this post is coming longer than intended), I want rina to sing can i have this dance and just wanna be with you. The first one, while rehearsing or something like that, and the second one during the actual play. I don't mind who sings scream, I'm aware that is basically between EJ and Ricky. I want it all could be between Carlos and Seb, or Carlos and Kourtney.

I don't have much headcanons for any of the other songs, I believe.

#HSMTMTS #rina #ricky x gina #rina hsmtmts #madlyn #redlyn #jetney #ej #seblos #seb x carlos #hsmtmts s4 #predictions #mainly a wishlist if we are being honest #already published this on reddit

[mega-hustler-blog]

[whengeorgiawentblue]

I've always considered I guess Misha to be 50/50 where as Jensen maybe more like 40/60 in terms of being attracted to women and men (or maybe like 30/70) - what makes you say that Jensen is more like 90% into men and 10% into women? I also think looking at his dating history he seems to have kind of just floated from one relationship to the next? Except for a five year gap where he wasn't dating anyone, and then two relationships before he met Dee and well Misha has mostly been with Vicki since he was a teen and they may have had sex with other people in terms of being polyamarous. But then again some people really find their sexuality later in life so, we could always say that kind of like Dean is like is the same for Jensen? But then we have to be careful not to imprint Dean's personality on Jensen cause Dean's a fictional character and we don't know Jensen at all except what he shows on social media and conventions etc.

Listen, when I started to learn about cockles, my first thought (is what people call "headcanon"?) was that Jensen was straight until he met Misha and found out he was into men. I'm talking from my own experience with bisexual men, I have known quite a lot who discovered they were into men quite late in their lives, some of them in their 20s, other in their 30s, or even in their 40s... so I thought Jensen could be the same.

But then I read other blogs about Jensen's past relationships with women (I can't remember which blogs or posts, sorry), and people pointed out Jensen's relationships with women were quite special... like, apparently he wasn't possessive at all, and that's weird because we all know how possessive and jealous Jensen gets with Misha. There were other things but now I can't recall of.

Then other hints that he may had sex with men before meeting Misha: Jared's comments about Jensen and that acting coach and what happened "between Jensen and the wall" (seriously Jared, shut the fuck up...), or the speculation that Jensen and Jeffrey Dean Morgan had a thing (this is purely tinhating, of course). Or the rumours that he had a relationship with one of the actors of Day of Our Lives.

All these things changed my mind about Jensen's sexuality, and it made more sense to me the idea that Jensen has been always queer from the start.

About the vibes of Jensen being 90% into men and 10% into women, first I have to make clear that this is my personal opinion and of course I'm probably wrong: Jensen and Dee look really cute, like the perfect couple, they are supercute and sweet and there are a lot of love, but that's everything I see (or everything they decided to show us in public, of course they aren't going to post a video of them having sex lol). Then I see Jensen with Misha and he's literally an uncontrollable volcano of scorching, red-hot passion. Like, Jensen always seems so quiet, articulate, very moderated and brainy, in total control of his feelings, but the second Misha is around he loses control and become totally unhinged. That makes me think Jensen is extremely attracted to Misha because he's far more into men than into women.

#cockles #jensen ackles #misha collins

[novoplata]

Of BJ Penn and Roy Dean.

Back in my BJJ days, I used to have a teammate (can't recall his name) who would only come train once or twice a month. When he did, he'd always reek of alcohol and tobacco and anyone could tell that he could be in much better shape if only he tried.

This guy, however, would never miss taking part in local tournaments, which were so few and far in between those days (circa 2011-2013). Surprisingly, despite his seemingly lack of preparation and questionable fitness, he would always smoke the competition and would always end up on the podium -- which would later be a subject of everyone's awe and amazement post-comp.

When it comes to me being competitive, my former teammate and coach said it best: "You're actually quite good, but in competitions you suck". Ouch. But it's so true.

Over this last decade as an off-again-on-again recreational athlete, I've had different coaches trying to get me to compete. I'd tell them over again that I suck at competing and no matter how good I am in a training setting, you will never see that translated on the competition floor. Exhibit A, yesterday when I couldn't even push jerk 50kg, which I would consider a weight that I can roll out of bed and push overhead at any given day. I guess everyone has their own 'athletic handicap' and this is mine.

I've had this discussion with another friend years ago who said that athletes (in the martial arts' context) are probably divided between two ends of the spectrum: the BJ Penns and the Roy Deans. The BJ Penns are the ones who always train less than you do, sometimes lead questionable lifestyles, have crappy diet, and still smoke you in competitions. These people are the great athletes -- prodigies if you may -- whom we'd often idolise.

The Roy Deans are the ones who'd approach athletic pursuits in a more cerebral way. Like Roy Dean, whose competitive resume is not well-known, these athletes would rather be technicians of the sport who enjoy learning about what works and what doesn't, instead of what would increase their chances of winning in a competitive setting.

Compared to the BJs, the Roys would probably make better coaches. As I've learned from experience, better athletes don't necessarily make better coaches.

I've been team Roy Dean all my life. Now two weeks into my strength cycle, I'm amazed by how much more nimble and pain-free my knees have felt, even with reasonably heavy squat sessions thrice a week.

My main reason for going on a strength cycle of course is to fix the root cause of my knee pain: weak glutes and overall posterior chain, which puts more pressure on my knees. As my posterior chain gets stronger, I experience lesser knee and lower back pain too. It's only week 1 and I'm already feeling (and seeing) all the benefits.

Then of course, I would like to be able to power clean heavier loads, which requires a heavier squat, and also get a better-looking booty on my inverted-triangle body shape.

Am I doing it to outsquat someone else? Hell no. Everyone's bodies and athletic abilities are different. There's probably a girl somewhere in this world who only weighs 100lbs, doesn't train as much and yet still can squat twice as heavy as me. Yes, it's really unfair but there's nothing I can do about that. I can only focus on me.

So yeah, in a world of athletes who strive to become champions. I'll choose to be on the sideline instead -- laser-focused on just being a better me today than yesterday.

#sports #random

[spaceorphan18]

What are your headcanons/thoughts about Blaine (by episode) during season 6 after Kurt comes back to Lima? I've read your Finding KH meta and I think you nailed your interpretation of Kurt, but I've never been able to tell what was happening in Blaine's head. Obviously, there's some complex emotions going on- anger at Kurt, a bit of longing because Kurt wanted him back, sadness when Kurt tells Blaine about his date, etc. Season 6 Klaine was very much Kurt-centric. I want to know about Blaine.

Hi! So -- this is just, wow, a thesis of a question, lol! Which is fine! But it’s not a quick answer.  So, yeah, let’s have a nice long conversation about Blaine and season 6.  I’ll see if I can keep it concise for everyone, lol 

Pre-Season 6

So, here’s what we know -- Kurt and Blaine broke up.  And, there’s an interesting parallel to the previous break up.  Before -- Kurt had too much faith in the relationship, and Blaine didn’t -- hence Blaine ultimately breaking the relationship.  This time, Blaine has too much faith in the relationship, and Kurt doesn’t, hence Kurt breaking the relationship.  

As we see in ep. 2, this sends Blaine into a tailspin downward into a deep depression.  And while that sucks, I don’t think the break up is the worst thing that could have happened to him.  Because, here’s the thing.  Remember back in season 4, Burt said Blaine shouldn’t be marrying an idea -- but a person?  Well - part of the reason for the break up is that Blaine was holding on, maybe too tightly, to this idea that if he and Kurt got married, that would solve all his problems and they’d live in a nice little fairy tale world of perfectness.  

Well, real life doesn’t work like that -- and the break up kind of pushes Blaine to see that despite his best efforts, Kurt is a person (who really really hurt him) and marriage isn’t just an idea.  It also forces Blaine to deal with some inner demons that he hadn’t before.  When they broke up the first time, Blaine held on to his pursuit that he could get Kurt back.  This time -- Blaine is under the impression that it’s done and over.  That’s it.  And for the first time (ever in his adult life) Blaine is forced to face a reality that he has to function as his own person (that’s a good thing).  

As we see in the flashback, Blaine’s downward spiraled into depression (something that he’s struggled with off and on throughout the series, and unlike Kurt who has bouts of situation depression, my headcanon for Blaine is that he’s dealt with a longstanding, low key depression most of the time we see him).  He isn’t really able to /do/ anything for a while -- until he works his way up from it, starts to go to therapy, and starts to work on himself. 

He ends up moving forwards and backwards at the same time.  On the one hand, he begins changing things up, playing with his hair and wardrobe, going outside his usual norms such as dating someone like Karofsky.  Meanwhile, he goes backwards in that he retreats back to Dalton -- it’s a reset (as well as narratively for the show, which is resetting back to season 2 rules).  It’s a safe place for him -- the place where he last felt the happiest, and yet, it is also a place that holds him back.  That’s fine, for now, as he’s using it as a place of healing.  The ironic part is that this is the place where he can’t quite get rid of the ghosts of Kurt -- this is where they met, fell in love, and where Blaine proposed.  No matter how hard Blaine tries - he won’t truly be over Kurt until he leaves Blaine behind.  (Lucky for us, he doesn’t choose to.) 

Loser Like Me

By the time we meet up with Blaine in Loser Like Me, we see that he’s doing relatively well -- more so than Kurt because he’s had a lot of time to process the break-up and work on himself.  One of the things that comes out of all the therapy, and coming to terms with living without Kurt (or, really, any guy) is that he knows he can make it on his own - and that’s a good thing! And while he’s sad about how things ended with Kurt (and still very angry in the manner in which Kurt did it), he’s in a decent place. 

He’s happy coaching the Warblers (even if it’s a distraction) and he’s relatively happy dating Karofsky.  I made a whole post about why Blaine dates Karofsky and you can FIND IT HERE.  Like everyone in this episode (notice the episode only focuses on the ‘losers’ of this show) Blaine is not at his final stop in life.  The whole point of this first episode is to show everyone coming to a cross roads where they need to pick themselves up and start again so they can eventually reach the destiny they were went to be - at the end of the season.  

One thing Blaine mentions in the first episode is that he was kicked out of NYADA.  This is also a thing heavy on his mind, but it’s not a bad thing! NYADA was Kurt’s dream (and really a scam school) -- and in order for the two of them to be individuals in their relationship again, Blaine finding a new place to go to school -- in turn finding his own path in life -- is healthy for their relationship.  It just happens to be sucky at the moment.  

So, I go into the final Klaine scene a lot during the Kurt meta, but to touch upon it a little from Blaine’s side....  

So, keep in mind that Rachel sets this up -- and probably doesn’t tell Blaine much as to why Kurt wants to see him.  This is probably the first time Kurt and Blaine have seen each other since the break up -- and probably the first time they’ve been in contact whenever Blaine left the loft.  Remember -- Blaine wasn’t just upset about the break up, he was angry that Kurt so ruthlessly and seemingly uncaringly broke his heart.  There’s a lot of anger still festering there -- as much as he’s dealt with the fact that he’s on his own now, he hasn’t dealt with his leftover feelings for and about Kurt. 

He’s probably of mind that Kurt’s coming to tell him how wonderful his life is now that they’re apart, and how great New York is, and how it’s better that they called off the wedding.  So, Blaine’s prepped to engage in this --- bringing Karofsky is one part shield for Blaine and one part shoving him in Kurt’s face to say that he has also moved on and is “fine”.   What he doesn’t expect is what actually happens. 

When they meet up Kurt lays it out on the line -- he is not only seeking out Blaine’s forgiveness, but he came back to win Blaine’s heart.  And Blaine is a little... whoa, what??? Cause that is not what he intended to happen.  Blaine plays it cool -- because as much as his heart is probably -- yup, let’s do it -- he’s gotten hurt, too, and he’s not going to forgive Kurt so easily.  

And then there’s also Karofsky to consider.  He does like Karofsky, and everything is easier with Karofsky, and he can take the easy road that isn’t as satisfying, or risk his heart getting broken again with Kurt.  He’s definitely not ready to take that risk.  So they all go through the little charade of Karofsky being cutesy.  But it doesn’t go unnoticed by Blaine how much the idea of Blaine with someone else -- especially Blaine with Karofsky -- hurts Kurt.  Blaine had probably liked the idea that Kurt would not be thrilled with the idea, but actually hurting him -- Blaine doesn’t like the taste of it as much as he thought he might.  

I also want to mention, probably as the night grows to a close, and Kurt and Blaine maybe have a moment alone -- this is when Kurt might retract a little and use his typical defense of -- maybe we’re better off being friends.  WHICH IS TOTALLY FALSE THEY SUCK AT BEING FRIENDS -- but Blaine probably half-heartedly agrees, and they all try to move forward from it. 

Homecoming

So - we play a lot of catch up with Blaine in this episode -- which I detailed more so above.  A lot of this episode is Blaine with the Warbers, and helping the new student - Jane - becoming one of the Warblers.  A couple of things to point out with this... 

First of all... we get to see Blaine as a teacher, and how he’s a good guy, willing to put all of himself into a thing, even if it’s not going to work out (more on that in a second).  We see that -- despite his thoughts that Dalton never changes, we see that it indeed does! Not only is he out of touch with this wacky group of Warblers, but he’ll be able to get them to change a tradition and let a girl into the group.  Despite Blaine claiming he’s happy with his life staying the same as it is -- he’s still at a crossroads at his life, and things are going to change.  Kurt coming back into town set things in motion, and whether he likes it or not, his life can’t stay the same as it was when he was back in high school. 

Blaine is a bit distant to Kurt in this episode.  In the beginning, he mostly ignores Kurt -- as a way to just not deal with him at all.  Later on, he’s mad and frustrated that Jane has defected -- like I said earlier, he’s once again poured himself into a thing only to have it not work out.  His anger that Kurt would be in on at this at all, let alone enjoying it, is him lashing out his anger over the break up that he’s still not over.  (And it’s especially annoying that Kurt’s being kind and mature about the whole thing.) 

We also see the emergence of sassy Blaine at the end -- Blaine isn’t going to back down and he isn’t going to play nice.  And while it’s a tad on the dramatic side -- the point is, unlike whatever the hell Will has going on with Rachel, Blaine has learned to stand his ground and stand up to Kurt.  And, while this thought might seem a little weird -- his pushing back against Kurt is actually a good thing! And even Kurt seems to be amused during the scene.  It means that Blaine will allow himself to stand on his own two feet instead of just following whatever Kurt’s lead is.  They’re getting to a place where they’re on equal footing instead of one of them seeing the other as an idyllic partner.  It’s a better foundation for their later, more mature, relationship.  

Meanwhile - we have Homecoming itself, where Blaine is seen cuddle up with Karofsky.  It is his homecoming, too -- he did graduate from McKinley, but he does seem out of place there.  Ironically, the song is about being ‘home’ -- but while everyone is literally home, they’re still on their journeys to where their real homes will be.  With Rachel it’ll be New York.  With Mercedes, it’ll be touring. With Kurt and Blaine, it’ll be each other.  Kurt looks sadly on, but Blaine is, again, purposely ignoring Kurt and using Karofsky as his shield (and excuse) not to deal with the Kurt of it all.  

I also want to take a quick second and talk about Blam! Because we don’t get a lot of it in this season.  A lot of that is due to the fact that we’re playing by season 2 rules again, before Blaine and Sam were friends, and part of it is the nature that these plot lines don’t allow us to see much of it.  But I do think Sam played a nice part in helping Blaine get out of his funk.  Sam’s a good friend, and probably did everything he could to help Blaine on his feet again.  And despite the fact that at the end of the season (reminding me a lot of how Kurt and Mercedes started to go their own way in season 2) Blaine and Sam are just on different paths.  And that’s okay! I think their friendship means the world to both of them -- but they don’t need each other the way they did back in season 4. And that’s fine. 

Jagged Little Tapestry

We don’t get to see Blaine much in this episode - but there’s still a little bit here for us to look into.  First of all, Blaine and Kurt accidentally meet up at the sheet music store, and for a moment it’s like old times.  Though - fascinatingly, they’re more adult in their interaction with each other.  (I do think this entire story would make more sense set five years into the future, but I digress...) It’s funny, Blaine tried hard to play the grown up when he (and more so Kurt) weren’t ready.  But there’s an easiness between them that really wasn’t there before -- they are adults now -- in these adult roles, and I think these two without the baggage of their past, would easily fall in line and in love with each other if they were meeting for the first time.  

Unfortunately, the baggage named Karofsky is still around.  But what is different is that Blaine doesn’t need the shield (roadblock) that is Karofsky as much as he did.  Blaine feels... a little embarrassed by Karofsky now, and the more he and Kurt begin to reconcile, the less Karofsky feels like an actual option for romantic partner. 

But here’s the thing -- as we see in this shared fantasy of a song, Blaine begins to look back through all his old memories of Kurt, as they haunt him as much as they haunt Kurt.  There were good times, and Blaine’s beginning to remember that.  There’s still a lot of pain, too, though, which is why Blaine doesn’t just ditch Karofsky right there.  

So -- Blaine does the dumbest thing ever, and moves in with Karofsky.  Here’s my headcanon around that...  I’m guessing it’s not entirely out of the blue -- Blaine probably still lives at home, as probably so does Karofsky, and I’m sure Karofsky floated the idea out there.  It’s an enticing offer to Blaine even without Kurt in the picture.  He likes being in a solid relationship like that.  He likes the domesticity of it.  And while it’s totally playhousing again (oh Blaine), by the time Kurt comes around -- Blaine decides to move full forward with the idea.  

In a way -- it’s his (bad) attempt of fully moving on from Kurt -- see Kurt, I can totally be fine without you.  And Karofsky’s an easy enough partner that he’ll just go with the flow.  Blaine gets his mock domestic life, and a shield against the pain of Kurt.  Is it real? Not really -- if Brittany’s decorations say anything -- other than gay-diddy-gay-gay-gay, they say -- not a real home, but a mock up of one.  (Did she do this on purpose? I’ll let you decide.) 

The Hurt Locker pt. 1

And we get more Sassy Blaine - telling Rachel like it is.  And, again, I reiterate that this is a good thing.  Blaine’s still that charming, debonair guy we all know and love.  But he’s not afraid to speak his mind anymore, that’s a good thing. 

So -- now we get to start seeing all the cracks in the Blaine/Karofsky facade.  Yes, Sue is a meddling, pain in the ass, but even without her, the fact that this is still a rebound for Blaine is still there.  I truly believe that everything that happens between Kurt and Blaine would have still happened -- only at a much slower rate.  

So, yeah, before we get Sue showing up at the date, we get Blaine and Karofsky chatting -- and Blaine talking about how much Karofsky has grown.  Part of this is exposition to fill us viewers in as to why the fuck this even happened in the first place, but, it’s also there for Blaine to continue to convince himself that Karofsky is a decent guy whom he’s actively choosing over Kurt.  

Then Sue shows up and starts making things awkward -- look, there’s all of Karofsky’s old baggage -- clearly, that’s not something they’ve talked about before.  What is Karofsky getting out of this relationship? And why has he slept with half the guys in Lima? Is Karofsky even the guy Blaine’s wanting (needing) him to be?  And then Sue sews the seeds that they’re related.  Which... ew.  

Speaking of ew, let’s take a second and talk about Blaine and Karofsky having sex! Okay, now that I’ve lost a majority of you, lol, yes, they’re definitely having it.  Yes, it’s probably like a Uhaul mounting a Moped.  Look - they’re both adults who enjoy sex, and Blaine definitely is going to jump head first into that kind of thing.  As much as we don’t want to think about it, they have that aspect to their relationship.  That said -- is it any good? Meh.  It serves its purpose - but I don’t think that’s any kind of defining point in their relationship.  And in fact, I’m guessing Blaine ends up liking to cuddle way more than he enjoys the sex. 

Anyway....  after this disaster of a date, who does Blaine end up talking to? Kurt.  Why? Because at this point -- they’ve slowly started to let each other into their lives again.  I do think they’ve slowly begun to chat with each other again - though it’s about mundane things.  Not the deeper aspects of their lives.  No matter how hard they try, though, they can never really get that far out of each other’s orbit.  At the end of the day -- Blaine and Kurt were best friends before they ever dated, and that was one of the foundations of their relationship.  It’s interesting -- but something the creators (and Darren and Chris) said at the time that no matter what happens between them, they have a unbreakable bond of friendship that goes deeper than fractured romantic relationship.  They are fundamentally apart of each other’s lives, and /like/ each other -- which at the end of the day -- is what truly makes their later, fully committing relationship work. 

So, Blaine goes on about Sue, and unintentionally reveals the cracks in his and Karofsky’s relationship.  Kurt doesn’t say it, and Blaine doesn’t fully grasp it yet, but Blaine’s complaining is more than Sue’s meddling.  It’s more so the fact that Blaine and Karofsky aren’t right for each other -- and Blaine’s finally beginning to see that.  Sure, maybe possibly being related a zillion generations back and the fact that Karofsky has made his rounds are pretty superficial reasons to not be with Karofsky -- but the underlying theme is that Blaine’s not ultimately happy with him.  His heart, as he’s about to get a reminder, is already taken. 

Kurt then - in an honest attempt at maturity, tells Blaine he’s going on a date.  And Blaine is uncomfortable -- why? Because for the first time, it’s no longer about their past, or Blaine’s anger, but the reality that if they don’t try again -- maybe this really is the end of the line for them.  That thought is echoed when Blaine regurgitates Kurt’s line about being friends, and being each other’s first love is special, but not everything lasts.  

The sad thing is -- the subtext of the scene is how much they really want each other here, but are both trying to save face.  They are trying to move past each other -- but neither is really wanting to do that, even if Blaine isn’t ready to ditch Karofsky and be back with Kurt.  Blaine then gets out of there before they’re really forced to deal with feelings 

An interesting thought about their physical intimacy -- back in Loser Like Me, they shared an awkward hug, one where they had muscle memory of being each other’s lovers, but remembering they were, in fact, not together.  Here, it’s not as awkward, but it’s still weird.  It’s a sign, though, that they are getting more comfortable with each other again.  

The Hurt Locker Part 2

Where I wax poetic about an elevator....

So, the important thing... before the Sue of it all, Kurt and Blaine meet up and chat -- the thing is, as they chat, they’re warm and comfortable with each other.  There’s an ease going on that wasn’t seen in earlier episodes.  What changed? Well - they’re fully getting back into each other’s lives at this point.  Maybe they’ve talked a lot about how insane it is to be teachers, or Rachel as a crazy person, or Will being insane with VA.  Maybe Kurt told Blaine all about his date with a dude who is older than his dad, and/or Kurt helped Blaine figure out if Karofsky really was related to him.  Whatever happened in that week -- these two were already clearly on their way back to each other before Sue, as seen in the friendliness before we get to the elevator.  

So -- I talk a lot about the elevator in my meta for Kurt: KURT META.  A lot of it transfers to Blaine, so I’m not going to go into it as much here (read the meta!) -- but mostly, the elevator is a metaphor.  It’s a place where they can recreate what their issues were with each other, and a place where they can take the other path and talk things out with each other.  It’s a place where they can fall back in love with each other (not that they ever fell out of it) and a place where they can discover that they can deal with each other long term.  It’s something that I do believe they would have discovered on their own -- but Sue just gave them the extra push.  

In addition, the kiss is formative.  It reawakens that sexual desire in Blaine -- that never really left (though Kurt feared it had) but plays upon the fact that it’s not just a friendship they have (or had) but a passionate and a lust for each other as well.  They’re compatible not just as friends - but as lovers as well.  And having physical contact in this way reignites something that never really went away -- but creates more cracks in their attempts to move on from each other.  

(There’s a lot more going on here, clothes coming off like layers being unraveled, it’s all good -- I cover it in the Kurt meta - go read it!) 

So in this bizarre set up, it’s kind of like a fantasy land where they can rediscover each other outside of the baggage of reality.  Once the doors open - it’s back to reality, and the clothes go back on, and they have to go back to their regular lives.  But something has shifted again -- as they share a smile during the Inventational.  

And as they berate Sue on her kidnapping schemes, it’s clear that they’re friends again, and comfortable with each other.  (Notice Blaine touching Kurt during their last scene together? This is purposeful as that layer of intimacy they’ve gotten back.  It’s so delicious.) But even more so -- Kurt mentions being over the anger and resentment of the break up.  While Blaine doesn’t say it, that speaks volumes.  Blaine’s no longer angry with Kurt, because he’s finally put that particular pain behind him - whoo! 

What the World Needs Now

There’s really not a whole lot going on here, and that’s fine -- they’ve had a lot of the season 6 story lines so far, I’m so used to them being so in the background that this seems par for the course.  (Do you see why I find Season 6 so delicious when it comes to Klaine - we get so much!) Anyway, we get a sassy comment from Mercedes about Kurt and Blaine having to deal with each other, but the thing is -- they’re already pretty cool with each other.  

And then we get the end -- where Blaine shows up... without Karofsky!  Cause here’s the thing.  Blaine dealt with his anger towards Kurt during the whole elevator thing -- he’s no longer angry at Kurt.  He’s no longer harboring the baggage he was carrying around with him.  And -- because of that, he no longer needs Karofsky as a shield.  He and Kurt can hang and be cool with each other, and it’s okay, Blaine finds.  He can let Kurt into his heart again, because he doesn’t fear being hurt.  

Transitioning

This episode is for all those people worried that Sue meddling was what got Kurt and Blaine back together.  It wasn’t -- this episode is what really did it.  Had Sue not meddled, what goes down here probably would have still happened in its own time.  Sue just helped speed up the process.  

Also messing with fate? Kurt...  I mean, look at that boy rig that wheel -- singing duets are a sacred thing on Glee, and he’s not going to let the opportunity slip by.  

This episode, however, is mostly from Blaine’s POV as we finally get some insight as to what’s going on in his brain.  He knows Kurt is screwing around with the wheel, and he’s a bit awkward because of it -- because he knows that duet, in Glee’s symbolic world, is more than a duet.  It’s a reaffirmation of what they had.  It’s an indication that Kurt’s still interesting and waiting.  It’s a chance for Blaine to slip out of the Karofsky-armor he’s been carrying around and see what his heart really wants.  

So, Rachel’s party - a ‘transitioning’ moment in time if you will.  They goof around and have fun and are probably a little relaxed from the alcohol Sam is slipping them.  (I’m a little iffy about that around minors but whatever...) And then they sing a flirty duet together.  And then Blaine realizes... he’s gotta go.  But not without confirming something for himself. 

You see -- outside, when they are alone, it’s a chance for Blaine to realize his feelings and act to act on them.  He needs to find out for himself -- not being pressured into it by a sadistic puppet if he still feels all the things for Kurt.  And guess what -- they kiss, and he does!! Which is why he jettisons out of there so fast.  He’s on the verge of letting Kurt all the way in again, and that’s scary! And there’s also the issue of Karofsky - but more on that in a second.  

I need to say this -- look, I get that this story isn’t perfect.  While I adore this conversation, it does look a little too towards the past, and not enough about how far they’ve come or the future together.  I do wish Glee had done just a little more than pull on nostalgia strings, but alas, that’s where fanfiction comes in, so I’ll just do that myself, lol.  

So, let’s talk about Karofsky!  Or more so, I’m gonna copy and paste what I put in my Kurt Meta because I’m too lazy to write it all out again: 

Obviously, Kurt’s not in this scene, but I feel the need to go over it, because it does, in part, pertain to Kurt.  And because I think it’s a nice scene.  I’m going to give Karofsky a little bit of credit here, and say he isn’t entirely dumb.  He knows Blaine’s been acting weird, and he’s known that since Kurt’s been back in town, their relationship wouldn’t last that much longer.  (So then why did you move in with him, weirdo?)  

Blaine’s been feeling guilty - because Karofsky turned out to be an okay guy, and Blaine had convinced himself that he really had moved on past Kurt.  Well, no, everyone and Karofsky could see otherwise.  And Karofsky is pretty nice about the whole thing (which I think is to show just how much Karofsky has grown, too, over the years).  He’s got a whole bunch of guys ready and willing to date him.  It’ll suck - but Blaine can’t change his heart and more than Kurt can.  So Karofsky let’s him go.

I think one of the interesting things in this conversation, is that Karofsky tells Blaine to just tell Kurt, not sing it.  And I feel like that goes with the whole growing up theme.  A lot of the time, these boys have sung their emotions through song - and that’s fine, but it’s also been part of the fantasy – but part of the Klaine narrative has been a shift from fantasy to reality, and this is one of the last parts.  And Blaine’s ready to take that step - to grow up and be a real boy, and be okay in his not-ever-changing feelings towards Kurt.  

So - Blaine gets running and goes for Kurt.  How does he know Kurt’s there? Is this just after school? Why is Walter meeting him there of all places? Idk - the set up of this scene is a little awkward when you thinking about it too much, but I’m really not supposed to.  The point is – Blaine is ready to confess his love to Kurt – again.  He even wears the bowtie he wore at the proposal (do you think Kurt didn’t notice that? He did).  But — one awkward little thing.  Kurt’s about to go on a double date with Walter, Rachel, and Sam.  So Blaine – doesn’t say anything.  And actually – this is a good thing for Blaine! Honestly, it is – it shows growth.  He let his life be dictated by his relationship with Kurt once, and he’s going to do what he didn’t before – let go and let it be.  It’s not an appropriate time for Blaine to tell Kurt that he and Karofsky broke up.  But even more so, it’s also not his place to intervene in Kurt’s dating life and more than it was Kurt’s to intervene in his relationship with Karofsky.  Blaine’s trying to give Kurt the space he hadn’t given Kurt before.  

Kurt lingers just a little as they all head out.  He knows Blaine’s lying about being there for Rachel.  There’s a little bit of longing there, and a lot of concern.  And oh the angst is hard core in this moment, as Blaine just stands their alone.  Kurt knows and is aware that Blaine’s feeling something.  He’s ready for Blaine to say something.  Look, Walter does not matter (and by the sound of it, Kurt’s been talking to Walter a lot about Blaine - since Walter clearly knows who he is, and is slightly feigning politeness when Blaine shows up).  But Kurt’s ditched both Chandler and Adam pretty quickly for Blaine, and he’ll do it again with Walter.  Just this scene – isn’t the right time.

If you’d like to read more about why Kurt continues to go on his date with Walter: READ META HERE.  And if you’d like the continued conversation as to why Kurt and Blaine didn’t get back together at /that/ second, here’s my A Wedding Meta. 

A Wedding

So, here we are -- at the wedding episode which is... slightly insane of Glee, but typical really. 

Blaine came a long way -- he had to work through is feelings of anger and frustration over the break up, as well as feel at peace in being his own person, to really come back together with Kurt.  (Kurt has his own journey as documented elsewhere.)  And, the final ball lands in Kurt’s court, Blaine’s okay with waiting.  Maybe they will get back together -- maybe they won’t.  But Blaine’s become okay in not only his feelings but understanding that life maybe just doesn’t work out the way you want it to.  

Or sometimes it does.  

We see boxes of Karofsky’s stuff in the apartment -- meaning that the playtime is over.  And then Kurt comes running back into Blaine’s life again -- desperate and sure about his love for Blaine.  And Blaine just... let’s it all in.  He’s ready and willing to let Kurt back into his arms, and into his heart, and they fall into just as if nothing had ever happened -- except it did -- they both managed to grow up a bit and be okay with themselves enough to be secure in their relationship.  

So, um, yeah -- I’ll be the first to admit that there are a few missing pieces here that I would have liked to see.  Mostly -- they kind of wall paper over their previous issues with Kurt’s line of - ‘everything was a mess before but now it’s fine’.  And while I can piece it all together from subtext from what we’ve seen -- it still would have been nice to actually see that conversation where they talk about being in a relationship again, and how they’re going to move forward.  Alas.  

That said -- I don’t think it’s insanity that they go from getting together to jumping into a marriage.  (I mean - it is insane - and not some thing that I’d recommend in reality) But one of the things that I think the marriage does is solidify their commitment for each other.  The ring around their finger is a reminder that they’re in this together -- and I think that gives them both a security in the relationship.  Blaine’s feeling committed and good, and therefore he doesn’t get clingy, which means Kurt won’t pull away, which means Blaine won’t freak out, etc, etc -- the cycle is spinning in a good direction! 

Okay, most of the stuff about the Wedding, I’ve said in the Kurt meta already (go read that, too! - or I can answer specifics, this is getting long enough, lol) The only other thing I want to mention is Blaine letting Kurt make the ultimate decision to get married.  Because now that they’re happy and back on track -- Blaine’s back to being, well, the one who always wanted to be married.  And he still does -- so he let’s Kurt be the one to call it -- because Kurt’s the one who said he didn’t want to be married before.  But we’ve come full circle, and when push comes to shove - at the end of the day, Kurt does want to be married to Blaine. 

(Oh, and here’s the part where I make the obligatory comment -- Brittany and Sue didn’t force them into this either -- they could have said no had they not wanted to.) 

Child Star/The Rise and Fall of Sue Sylvester

Well, here’s the part where I joke about us not being able to see Klaine’s honeymoon, and where I lament that we really don’t get to see much of anything about Klaine’s marriage.  Which is unfortunate.  

But - let’s talk about Dalton burning down for a second, because I do think that’s important.  Remember when Pavarotti died and Kurt was set free from Dalton?  Well this is the universe (coughthewriterscough) doing a similar thing.  There is no more Dalton -- no more safe place for Blaine to go -- he’s literally forced out of the cage he had built for himself.  And granted, he’s on the path to leaving anyway now that he’s back with Kurt, but it’s an interesting metaphor all the same.  And yeah - it’s more so about bringing Dalton and McKinley together, too -- but Blaine’s being pushed out of the nest, literally, to go off and fly away. ;) 

We Built This Glee Club

There’s really not much Blaine here, either - but Kurt later confirms that Blaine has gotten accepted to NYU -- and while I really wish we could have gotten more of Blaine’s story about how he decided where and why and when he was going to go back to school, at least we get this little bit.  And like I said way earlier -- this is good for Blaine.  He’s got his marriage, and his life is back on track moving in a forward direction -- and NYU is a great fit for Blaine, because it’s a place where he can stand on his own, separate from Kurt.  

There’s also a bit, too, a slight (literal) nod at the future - where Will talks about the future - and the idea of their future kids, and Blaine and Kurt share a knowing look.  

2009/Dreams Come True

Well... here we are, at the end of the story.  I’m not going to say too much (cause I’ve said too much already) but mostly -- Blaine (and Kurt) get their happily ever after.  They take off New York and live their life and are successful in their own right as they expect a daughter.  

The point of the entire season is to not give us fans everything we ever wanted -- but to tell a story... one about how you can be the lowest part of your life and climb your way back up, and still be happy and successful and get the ending that you’ve always wanted.  

(And, unceremoniously, here’s the Kurt Meta again - which mostly gives my Blaine thoughts, too -- cause, love ya Nonny, but I’ve been writing all day, and I’m tired, lol) 

And that’s... all I’ve got.  I mean if you’d like to untangle something more specific, let me know! I’ll be happy to answer.  Hopefully, this makes Blaine’s season 6 story just a little bit clearer. :) 

#Anonymous #that's how s.o. sees it #omg this was a lot #hope you guys enjoy #i worked on this all day - someone please at least give some feedback lol

[oikoik]

—study buddy (t.kuroo)

warnings: fem!reader, suggestive content, dom!kuroo (🥵 ammi right ladies), teasing, pretty tame, poorly written, read at your own discretion

word count: 1.6k

a/n: this is lit the very first drabble/thing in general that I have ever written for kuroo and the first suggestive piece I’ve ever done, so please don’t be too harsh in feedback (however I do greatly appreciate constructive criticism)

You rubbed at your eyes for what seemed like the hundredth time in the past hour. The glare of the computer screen plagued the back of your eyes with a strain you knew would ache long after you completed the wretched assignment before you. Despite having a textbook and your notes at your disposal, the onslaught of questions were still laborious to say the least.

Taking a bit of a break, you stood from where you sat on the floor, after having found the chairs in the dining room too uncomfortable, and brought your arms high above your head. You relished in the stretch, the taut muscles of your back seeming to relax ever so slightly. University was no easy task, and with exam season quickly approaching, tension was sure to manifest in both physical and mental forms.

With a sidelong glance, you peer out the set of large windows. A thick strip of the evening sun beamed into the living room. You hummed in appreciation as you stepped into the warm patch, the comfort of such a simple action brought with it contentment.

A faint rustle came from across the room and you turned in time to see the familiarly styled mess of black hair duck in the entryway. The figure glances up after removing a shoe, a bright smiling reaching its way towards you.

"Hey, baby, how was your day?"

Kuroo stands with you in the rays of the slowly dimming sunlight, his arms wrapped loosely around your waist. You lean your forehead against his chest, the urge to hug all of life's frustrations out with him was nearly suffocating, but you were stopped in your tracks.

Pulling away from his grasp, you laugh gently at his slightly dejected reaction of you evading him. "As much as I love you, you smell awful, Kuroo."

A sheepish smiles crosses his features and he rubs the back of his neck with a chuckle, "oh, yeah, sorry. Coach ran us extra hard today." He leans down quickly to peck your cheek before grabbing his bag from the floor and retreating towards the hallway, "I'm gonna hop in the shower."

After he had disappeared, your attention returned to the study materials still sprawled across the coffee table. You inaudibly groaned, the incessant reminder that the assignment was due later that night was no motivator to get it done. Nonetheless, you persisted.

Twenty minutes passed and you were feeling a bit discouraged after seeing that of the sixty assigned questions, you had only made it through eight. An unwanted throb began to form in your temples and you found yourself once again pressing the palms of your hands against your eyes to at least attempt and relieve the dull ache.

"What are you working on?"

"Hm?" You craned your neck up to see Kuroo, freshly clean, standing directly behind your seated figure as he peered at the screen of your laptop. "Psychology. My professor gave the class a ridiculous assignment last minute."

You weren't sure what you were expecting, but it definitely wasn't Kuroo moving to sit with his chest pressed against your back, his arms hung across your midsection. Just as you were about to ask him what he was doing, his chin was resting on your shoulder. You could feel the coolness of his skin against yours, a few droplets of now cold water dripping onto your neck and t-shirt.

"Is it hard?"

"More time consuming than difficult, I suppose. It's just a giant pain in the ass." Another annoyed sigh came from you as you grumbled, "I've been putting it off all day and it's due tonight, so I guess I have no other choice, do I?"

The boy hummed in response, and you assumed he was just extra clingy today considering practice seemed intense. However, your mind nearly blank screened as you felt the ghosting touch of his lips against the skin of your neck, his warm breath fanning over the area. Goosebumps formed along your arms at the sensation and suddenly his close proximity felt overwhelming.

'There's no way I'm this needy after such a simple action, no damn way.' Your thoughts were interrupted when Kuroo's deep voice broke you out of your trance.

"Let me help you."

"Help me?"

You could hear the mischief in his voice as he explained, "I can offer some.. motivation that may encourage you to finish."

"And what would that be?..." In the back of your mind, you knew what he was hinting at, and the disbelief was still present until you felt his face nestle gently into the side of your neck.

Instead of verbally answering you, you felt the hand on your side loosen its grip before dropping to hover just above the apex of your thighs. Blood rushed to your face as you fully realized the antics he had planned. You could tell your cheeks and ears were tinged red with embarrassment. He knew you were easy to rile up, but never did you ever suspect that he would use knowledge in such manner.

"Kuroo… don't tease me." You knew begging would get you nowhere. Once his mind was made up, it took more than a few halfhearted words to get him to give into your pleas.

He ignored you completely, instead opting to read off a question on the screen. "What is the resting potential of a neuron?"

A shaky breath left your partially parted lips when you felt a delicate kiss against your shoulder. You shuddered at his tone as he spoke next to your ear, "Answer the question, baby girl."

You try to focus on keeping your hands steady as you types the answer into the blank space. Once you had finished, you shakily moved onto the next question, the presence of Kuroo pressed tightly against your back slowly driving you insane.

"Good job, baby, you're one question closer to your reward."

"Reward?"

"Mhmm… if you're a good girl and answer all of these questions correctly, I'll reward you for all your hard work. How does that sound?" His lips brushed against the shell of your ear. You swear you could feel your soul leave your body at what he was insinuating. Perhaps it was the promise, or maybe the nicknames and tone he was using to talk to you, but something in his words sent a jolt through your body that made your palms clammy.

You swallowed a moan as he left an attentive kiss to the skin below your ear, eyes closing involuntarily as the warm sensation in your abdomen grew stronger. He smelled so good, his hair and skin were so soft against your skin, and every trace of his fingers and graze of his lips left you breathless. Since when were you so needy after barley even being touched?

You managed to answer several more questions using this method, Kuroo's touches gradually becoming more straightforward after you started a new set of problems. To both your surprise and relief, you noticed there were only five more questions to be answered.

"What is the inability to recall faces called?"

A shudder left your body at the feeling of the tip of his tongue poking out to meet your neck as he placed a kiss there. Subconsciously, you leaned into his body even more, a silent plea for more. Just when you thought he was going to finally give you more than a lingering touch, he brought his lips to your ear, teeth nipping at the lobe. "F-fuck, Kuroo, please."

"What is the answer baby?"

It was a miracle you could even process a remotely stable thought with how Kuroo was occupying every one of your senses. Your arms felt weak trying to type out the answer into the keyboard, but a soft whimper followed as you were bombarded with another series of fleeting presses of his lips to the exposed skin of your neck and jaw, "That's my smart girl."

He granted you no time for repose before calmly moving onto the next one. "What are the six functional networks determined by resting-state fMRI?"

When you failed to make any sign of answering the question, Kuroo tsked from behind you, a stern slap to your thigh disrupting your daze. "Don't tell me my student is starting to slack off."

"Kuroo…" you weakly moaned.

"Keep going, you're not done yet."

You whimper, but begin to slowly type out the answers, biting your bottom lip as you tried your hardest to focus on the task before you and not the undeniable hardness you could feel pressing into your low back.

The last three questions are completed in record time, your restlessness meeting unbearable levels. After swiftly clicking the small blue 'submit' button, you turn in Kuroo's grasp. Now sitting in his lap, you're able to see the effects having to wait were also evident in the blush across his chest and ears.

"Please touch me, Kuroo. Give me my reward."

You sounded pathetic begging for him, but you couldn't find it in yourself to care anymore. Having gone nearly an hour with only fleeting touches, your mind felt hazy and your body craved the attention Kuroo promised you.

Sure enough, Kuroo was set on keeping his word and two large hands gripped at your hips, bringing them down to rub against the evident bulge in his sweatpants. It was pitiful how absolutely needy you had grown.

Kuroo leaned in close so his face was merely centimeters from your own, your lips threatening to touch as he spoke in a hushed groan, "You did so well, baby. I wouldn't expect anything less from my star pupil."

You could see the spark in his eyes as he stared up at you and you knew you were going to be in for a long night.

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu #hq!! #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu x reader #kuroo smut #haikyuu!! smut #kuroo #haikyuu smut #haikyuu imagines #my writing

[thehoneybuzz]

Chasing Baker

My Nana was my greatest adversary.

In an otherwise charmed life, Nana was an immovable force and the only legitimate challenger to my willpower. Not without the warmth one would expect from a grandmother, Nana could be sharp - like a sun-warmed pane of glass. Lesser hearts might have bent to me when I requested accommodation - but not Nana. Nana set a firm bedtime, insisted on efficient tooth brushing, and rather than negotiate with hair tangles, made short work of them in single, swift wrenches when brushing your hair. No nonsense. When you stayed with her - in one of two twin beds in a room made precisely for grandchildren - you often found yourself in bed with the lights out, with no real memory of having gotten there, swept away in the tide of your sheets. Nana was uncompromising, and no arena was more suited to our mutual stubbornness as the dinner table.

I grew up a notoriously picky eater. After a weekend at my Uncle Jerry's, my mom received a hardcover copy of "The Strong-Willed Child" from him as a gift. He had spanked me for not eating chicken nuggets. As evident by its title, the book was meant to coach my mother on parenting strategies for mitigating my innate obstinance. This would not be the only copy of the book my mother received. Though, I think she could have written one by the time I turned 4. I simply refused to eat the things I didn't like, and that was a long list.

A relative once applauded - clapped his hands together in joy- upon learning that I had graduated from having the crusts cut off my bread to full-blown sandwich eating. The peanut butter and honey sandwich was my signature dish and an absolute staple. I'd like to say I've grown out of it - and I've certainly grown having tried llama steak in Peru, lamb heart at the table of a Lebanese family, and Greenland shark in an Icelandic cafe - but it took me a long time to let go of my habits and permit myself to try, and it took some coaxing. My preferences ran deep.

My diet from ages six through eleven included Eggo waffles, peanut butter and honey sandwiches, an assortment of cereals, a handful of specific fruits and vegetables, and the occasional steak when mom thought my iron was low. My mom - on the advice of a pediatrician who told her that if she force-fed me, I'd develop an eating disorder - catered to this preference. Nana did not. They must have been seeing different pediatricians.

Nana took the clear your plate approach - The approach driven by reward and consequence. Finish your plate, cookies delivered. Fail to try, become hungry and hungrier still as dessert passes you by. I took to swallowing food whole, and my mom took to sending me with granola bars on visitations. She'd line the interior of my suitcase like we were smuggling drugs. I'll admit it was an unusual form of contraband, but the measure seemed necessary in a divorced child's duplicitous world. What my mom saw as nourishment, my Dad might see as undermined parenting strategy even under the best of circumstances - which they often weren't. I was hungry, so decided it best to keep things a secret and wrappers out of the trash.

Despite Nana's apparent best efforts, I avoided the eating disorder. Thanks to my mom, I avoided most foods until my early 20s. I don't know who was right. What I know for certain is that I was loved.

When I sat down with Nana after my trip to Mt. Baker, she clutched her heart as she said. "Ally - to think about you as this little girl - and that you would only eat peanut butter and honey sandwiches - to think of you climbing mountains…" she shakes her head, "… well I just can't believe it."

I started to laugh and asked her, "Want to know the best part?"

She nodded, smile in her eyes, full of that sunny warmth - playful and kaleidoscopic.

"I ate peanut butter and honey sandwiches up and down the side of that mountain, Nana," I told her, laughing, and then we laughed together. Growing up is fun, I thought, especially in moments like this.

Laughing with your grandmother is a gift you receive in exchange for time, and it is a beautiful gift indeed. Here is a woman who bathed you, clothed you, fed you - and by the time you're old enough to understand the magnitude of the life she held before all that, she is often gone. I'm lucky to have this time. Nana is 90 years old now, and my mother's mother passed at 74. I never got to have the conversations I wanted to have with my grandmother, who died. To ask her questions like, 'Who were you?' 'What lifetimes made up the love you gave so effortlessly away?'

There is something about mountain climbing that makes you consider those kinds of questions in real-time. There is something about mountain climbing that makes you feel as if you are in the process of 'becoming.' So when, at the parking lot of Grandy Creek Grocery, I met my fellow climbers and our guides - there was a feeling of anticipation and nervousness about who I'd be sharing that story with. Dropping me off, my mom described it like the first day of kindergarten. The first person I met was Sharon.

I had been worried about Sharon. Weeks before, on the pre-trip Zoom call, she stood out from the digital crowd as the most visibly senior person there. Sharon did not look old - she looked undoubtedly the oldest. I think this is an important distinction - particularly to Sharon. I remember thinking - "I hope she is not on my trip because I'm worried she will show me down." A very judgmental thought and the universe saw to its reckoning. Sharon surprised the hell out of me.

She paced the parking lot, and I jumped out of my rig to greet her. We quickly began commiserating. Baker would be her first mountain. I had Mount St. Helens under my belt, but it's not much in the way of experience. We talked about our training plan, recounting long drives to taller places. Sharon was from Wisconsin, and she had to drive 45 minutes to get to peaks at 3,000 - the same as me in Eastern Washington. We had a lot in common. Where I ran, she had been hiking with weight and jogging. Sharon wasn't afraid of hard work. On our drive to the trailhead, I learned that she had just lost 75 pounds last year. I learned later that when Sharon signed up for this climb, she hadn't told anyone in her family she was doing it. She was 62 years old and had never once traveled alone. What on earth possessed her to climb a mountain? I'd be afraid of that question, too.

Sharon eventually fessed up to her family and made the trip official. That's how we found ourselves on the side of a mountain together. I'm embarrassed to have been so fundamentally wrong - but my confession is not without meaning, and I learned an important lesson. Never underestimate a Sharon.

When Melissa, our guide, described Mt. Baker for the first time, she called it by its indigenous name, Komo Kulshan. She then gave us its epithet - "The Great White Watcher." Having now met Kulshan face to face, I can tell you that's precisely how he feels. The summit looms as you navigate through the trees. Stoic in the face of the wilderness that surrounds him. Ice cold, he waits. In the Lummi language, he's called 'white sentinel.' He is persistent, vigilant, and watching.

I focused my nervous energy on preparing to meet this mountain by learning what I could about him. I learned that Mt. Baker is 10,781 feet tall, an active volcano, and the second most glaciated mountain in the continental united states (Rainier's got it beat, and you don't count Alaska). It's a formidable mountain, known - as nearly all alpine environments are - for its quickly changing conditions and the perils of its geology. This all, somehow, frightened me less than the thought of meeting Melissa Arnot-Reid. Her legend loomed not in the Cascades - where only a single peak resides above the threshold of 14,000 feet by which the Rockies measure their formidable "fourteeners." Melissa's legend loomed as large as Everest, on who's summit she has been six times - the only American woman to summit without the use of supplemental oxygen and survive. 29,032 feet. Melissa was someone I wanted to learn from, and I was scared shitless of her by reputation.

Suffering a bit of social awkwardness around celebrities, I prepared to meet Melissa by seeking to learn nothing about her at all. The antithesis of my mountain strategy - I told myself our experience would be what it was when we met on the mountain. My job was to learn - to ask my questions courageously - and be vulnerable and bold in seeking truth. I spent a fair bit of time wondering if she might be an ass hole, too. The age-old adage, "don't meet your heroes," drifted in and out of my mind.

In the last 15 minutes of our drive to Grandy's, my mom started reading Melissa's Wikipedia page aloud to me as I navigated the road, undoing months of my concerted preparation. I let her continue, greedy for information. "It says she trains by depriving herself of things - that she'll go without food and water."

"Probably a good idea if you're ever going to be stuck on the side of a mountain without it," I told her. I braced myself for a response. In the past few months, my mother had a growing sensitivity around topics that might suggest I could die on the side of a mountain. Admitting, so blatantly, that mountain climbing was a dangerous sport left me vulnerable to excessive mothering accompanied by exclamations of "Don't you dare!" Instead, my mom sort of nodded and continued, "I'm surprised her baby came out healthy."

My brow furrowed. I hated my mother for saying it. I had avoided a lecture from the mother of the mountaineer but failed to account for the mother of the daughter aged-almost-thirty. My uterus is a topic of conversation around my mother's table. Apparently, so was Melissas. Not wanting to discuss either, I let my mother's comment go unchecked as she continued to list accomplishments. "This article says she's focused on business, not emotions. That she is an incredible problem-solver." Now her reports felt more like cheating - it felt like an unfair advantage to meet someone armed with publicly available information about them. When you Google "Allyson Tanzer," you won't find much about my disposition under pressure. I told my mom it was time to focus and turned up the music.

When we parked, and I went to introduce myself to Melissa, three things happened. As I introduced myself, she first quickly let me know that she would not be giving out hugs due to the pandemic. Then, taking my hand in a firm grip, Melissa detailed that she and our other guide, Adrienne, had critical guide business to discuss and would be with us in a moment. She reported being thrilled to be meeting us as she quickly dropped my hand. Within thirty seconds, I was apologizing profusely and backing my way into the grocery. What can I say - first time formally climbing mountains, and I wasn't sure of the protocol. I fiddled with a bag of Cheetohs and continued to hope that she wasn't just an ass hole.

I went to the bathroom for something to do and remembered what my mother said. Task-oriented. I figured Melissa probably didn't hate me, after all. Despite my earlier misgivings, I was grateful to know a bit about her character, regardless of how 'honestly' that information was obtained. Thanks, Mom.

Our climb began. We left Grandy's in a caravan and parked near 3000' at the winter routes trailhead. On the first day, you ascend to 6000' and establish camp. You carry about 40 pounds, walking 1 mile and about 1000 vertical feet per hour, stopping for 15-minute breaks in those intervals. Conditions are warm, which means you're doing something the mountaineers call "post-holing" - ramming deep holes (as if for a fence post) into the ground as you step through snow that's washed out underneath. It's slow-going and rigorous. An hour and a half in, Melissa reports that we're standing in the location where she usually takes the first break. Unseasonably warm weather with a heavy snow accumulation has made for an exciting start.

You walk along a canyon ridge formed by a retreating glacier. You realize that time here is not measured in the same cadence that it's known to you. Mountains measure time in millennium, not decades. The formations of rock are carved by years, not minutes. The ground holds a history you can't conceive of - an ancient history of rock and ice. You are constantly struck by feeling small both physically and in your very chronology. I spent the first day happily in awe.

At camp, you maintain - guides (and playfully designated junior guides), boil snow, establish a base, dig a toilet. You assess whether or not you need to poop in a bag and carry it down the mountain with you as you try - for the first time - a rehydrated meal claiming to be chili Mac and cheese. Melissa teaches us how to walk on rope over a glacier. I try to mimic her knots. She redefines your concept of efficiency - breathlessly describing a packing order that accounts for calorie intake, warmth requirements and weight distribution - Every contingency considered. When I win the Ice Ax Rodeo by landing my thrown ax in a particular configuration - all is right in the world. Melissa is a drill sergeant giving instruction. She outlines the next minute - next five minutes - next hour - next day.

Her matter-of-fact nature reminds me of something. When I gave my parents a ride in an airplane for the first time with me as the pilot in command, I provided them near the same briefing as we were parked on the ramp. It ended dramatically with, "And if anything should happen, you have to exit the aircraft first in the following fashion." At which point I launched myself from the plane. I wanted them to be prepared to fight their instincts to protect me. I’m the only pilot on board - and my job is to protect my passengers, no exceptions. They both described a sense of foreboding and peace at the demonstration. It’s precisely how I felt when Melissa explained how she would be rescuing herself from a crevasse. “If you fall, I get you out. If I fall, I get myself out, but I need your help as an anchor to do so.” She took the approach of coaching us in only what we needed for the next challenge. We would learn crevasse rescue on a need to know basis. At Grandy’s, she told us to expect 48 hours of endurance. At camp, we’re at hour 9. She painted a picture of the following day.

"We'll begin between 11, and 2 am. Expect switchbacks up the glacier, a series of flats, and gains over the next hour. In 3.5 miles, we'll gain an additional 2000 feet - meandering a path through the glacier's crevasses, and it will gradually become steeper over time. About 1.5 miles to the summit, we'll hit the Easton glacier culminating in the Roman Wall. Then, because God has a sense of humor, you have a long flat walk to the summit after the steepest portion. All said it will take us between 5-7 hours to the top."

Frankly, it was just about as simple as that.

My eyes opened at 11:50 pm to the sound of movement outside the tent. Melissa had coached us here, too. "You may not be sleeping," she told us as we readied for 'lights out.' Days from the summer solstice, the sun burned brightly above us at 7 pm. "Remember that you don't need sleep; you need rest. That's what you're getting here at camp. You're horizontal; your feet are out of your boots. Close your eyes, and know you're getting what you need." Felt like a lie, but sure enough, with two hours of sleep, I couldn't describe myself as tired.

I did, however, feel cold. Chilly night temperatures had crept into our tent, and dressing for the day was arduous. I knew to keep my clothes in my sleeping bag. It was a trick I learned from a friend made trekking in the Andes for dressing in the cold. I knew to shorten my trekking poles while climbing, thanks to my guide on that same trek. I'd be leaving my trekking poles behind today, though. Ice axes only. We divide into rope teams. The race begins, but there's no starting pistol - only wind.

Fifteen minutes into our climb and we're struggling to find the rhythm. I'm still shaking the bleariness of the cold. The rope between climbers takes on an interesting dynamic. While it connects you to your fellow climber, it also isolates you from them. You have to maintain a certain distance away from one another while maintaining the same pace. It's a dance with crampons on in glacial ice - a delicate dance indeed - and it's where climbing feels like a team sport. You're all in it together.

Voices rang out in sequence like a game of telephone - one of our team would need to climb down. We said short goodbyes and waited as Adrienne (guide) descended with climber to camp. We were lucky - we hadn’t been climbing long which meant Adrienne could climb down and back to rejoin her rope. Guide redundancy is a safety net when groups of climbers work together.

Darkness continued. We continued. As you persist, darkness seems to persist along with you. In the first hour, it grows heavy. Your world begins and ends at the light of your headlamp, and that's where you find it—your rhythm. Crampons crunching, breath steady, and the gentle swish of your layers create a sort of timpani, a medley of percussion sounds. Clink, brush, crunch, and clink, brush, crunch, as ax bites ice, the movement of your clothes, and the toe of your boot kicks crampon into snow propelling you forward. There isn't much to think about in this grinding meditation. You're grounded in tugs from ahead or behind you as you march, slowly up. You can count steps, miles, feet of elevation - whatever keeps you moving. Whatever keeps you going up.

Moments before sunrise, we would lose another on our team. I listened to Melissa coach her. "What we're headed to is going to be harder than what we've just done. If how you are feeling is taking away from your ability to focus on your next step - I can only tell you that it's not going to get easier from here." That's when I saw the decision on her face. Another round of goodbyes - this one a bit more somber. She had worked so hard.

The decision to descend is a difficult one, but it’s one of the most important you can make. There are steep consequences to being in over your head in a place so remote. The summit is a siren, beware. Melissa - aware of the remaining teams intention to summit - advised us to plug our ears as she told the descending climber the Sherpa belief that a mountain won't let you summit for the first time if it likes you. Mountains bring you back. Further, she coached, the decision to go down can lift an entire team's chance of success if you feel you're a liability. Recognizing yourself and your limitations truthfully is a mountain in itself. That's the summit this person made in her decision to descend.

Like a good Agatha Christie novel, our list of characters dwindled. We added layers and continued - five of the original eight. Melissa was right, again. After we lost the second climber, our ascent became a proper climb. From that point forward, if anyone decided to turn around - we would all have to. There was only one remaining guide, and she had to protect all her climbers, no exceptions - me in the cockpit all over again.

She didn't show it, but 62-year-old Sharon was genuinely frightened. She had realized the same thing I did. If she didn't make it - no one would. Sharon kept climbing. Remember when I was worried she would slow me down?

When the sun starts to rise, everything begins to feel possible again. I don't mean to say that things were hopeless, just that with the sun comes energy and a sense of renewal. Color returns to the landscape, and you can begin to be able to measure your progress concretely. The mountain casts a shadow across the earth, stretching miles. You can't believe that you are contained within that shadow, on the face of such a giant who stands so impossibly tall. Melissa stood there, and I took her picture.

She had turned out to be not an ass hole at all. Where I sought to be her student, she aspired to teach - at once brilliant and kind. Her stride - her sport - a work of art. The precise art of what she calls slow, uphill walking. Her shadow and the shadow of the mountain impressed upon me the power of legends.

As the Roman Wall came into view - I knew we had it. We short rope in and make one last push. If Mt. Baker is a joke from God, the ending of the Roman Wall is its punchline.

Atop the incline awaits a long, easy walk to a haystack peak some few hundred yards in the distance. I was bubbling with emotion as my heart rate settled and the view became clear. There wasn't much difference between where we stood and where we were going. We dropped our packs, unroped, and ran up the summit. I was in tears.

Melissa broke her no-hugs-in-the-pandemic rule and celebrated us each in turn. I snapped countless photos and spent each frozen moment smiling. I pulled Melissa and Sharon in close. I had felt something on my heart and only needed a moment's bravery to share it.

I started awkwardly.

"I'd like to say something to you and Sharon," I muttered, barely audible over the wind, as I tugged on Melissa's sleeve. I grabbed Sharon's arm and pulled her in too. I don't remember the exact thing I said or the exact way in which I said it. I remember pausing to make sure I got it right and wondering for a long time if I managed to do so.

I told them that I had come to the mountain expecting to be impressed by one person. Melissa promised an impressive education - on which she delivered. She is of that rare quality - the kind who’s presence improves you. I came to Baker with that expectation, I confessed, I expected Melissa. I paused before telling Sharon, her gloved hand in mine, “You?” I laughed nervously. “I wasn’t expecting. A 62-year-old woman….” I nodded back to Melissa, “And you, the mother of a 3-year-old…” I didn’t want to get this wrong. “You are two people who our society labels and confines. Yet, here you are - on top of a mountain. I have to tell you….” I was choked up in earnest here and struggled to continue.

"It matters.” I said. “What you do matters. It matters to have an example of what is possible. Both of you have provided that example to me and women like me. Thank you." I sobbed. "I am so grateful for it and grateful for you." Melissa smothered me in her jacket as she embraced me, once again, in a hug. Pandemic be damned. My tears froze. While I expected a "There's no crying in mountaineering" a la Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own (it was a climb of mostly women, after all) the admonishment never came.

Sharon grabbed hold of me next and we shared the alpine view. Before I knew it, we were the last two on the summit. The wind howled a steady cheer. Celebrations concluded, it was time to leave. I stayed for just a moment longer, watching Sharon as she left. They don't make anything more beautiful than a mountain, and it's a view worth savoring. I descended, joyfully, to my team.

I didn't bury Jake up there. In Ashes to Ashes, I told the story of taking my old farm dog's remains to the top of my first volcano. He's not so much a good luck charm as he is an omen of protection. I don't need luck as much as I need safety, and he serves his duty well. Jake stayed with me through our descent to camp. I needed a little protection coming down off the Roman Wall, I thought. I wanted him close until we were off the glacier. He lays now at the foot of my tent—a very good place for a very good dog.

There's a natural mindfulness to climbing. I often find myself living in the present step - not thinking about the route that lies below. You forget in moments that the trip up is accompanied by an equally long and perilous journey down. From the summit, your journey is far from over. Yet, time flies by even as you stop to admire the steam vents. The rainbow that surrounds the sun refracts joy and color the same.

You reach camp, celebrate, pack up. Miles and thousands of feet remain even from there. That's when you realize it's ending and when I realized I didn't want it to end.

We spent the next few miles getting to know each other in earnest, savoring time and mountain views, chatting in the way of long-form hikers - about the nature of things and through storytelling. Melissa regaled us with vulnerable truths and comedic parables. We laughed. I kept sipping at the wells of knowledge around me, drinking in the moments. Laughter distracted from hunger, from wet feet, and from the dull and dim realization that all good things must come to an end. We made our way to the bottom of the mountain. Just like that - we say goodbye.

Sharon drove me back to Grandy's. We chitter like school girls - adrenaline and nostalgia collide in our post-climb delirium. We talk about the future. I realize that we are good friends. I am humbled by just how wrong a person can be to believe something about someone for no good reason.

Mom picks me up, and with her embrace my adventure is over. I’ve come full circle - safe and sound, parked in the lot of Grandy Creek Grocery.

Melissa found us there and knocked on our window.

"Your daughter is really special. The MOST special,” my hero and friend told my mom. Mom beamed with a special pride reserved exclusively for mothers of strong-willed daughters. I had been misreading things - the adventure had only just begun.

There are eight years between Melissa and I. I’m not sure I’ll be chasing Everest in that time, but I know I won’t be finished. I’ve got thirty-three years to catch Sharon at 62. In the mountain blink of sixty-one years, I’ll be as old as my Nana and I hope at least half as wise. Good thing there are so many years - for there is so much left to climb.

#mountaineering #mountains #travel #adventure #adventurephotography #traveling #travelblogpost #mountainclimbing #mt baker

[iheartgod175]

Some Dum-Dum Headcanons (Revised)

I meant to get this out a long time ago, back in July. And then I did a sucky job on it. But since I've worked on more of the For Love and Glory universe, I've wanted to redo this. So, here we go!

Dum-Dum’s birthday is May 23rd. (Originally when I was drafting the characters and world for the FLAG series, it was November 14th). He is a Taurus, though some of his character traits just don't match that particular sign. 😅

His blood type is O.

Much of his family lives in New York, and some parts of New Jersey.

Age wise, he is about 6 years younger than Touché Turtle.

Though he’s slow in many areas, he’ll eventually get better at things once he sticks with it for a while. This is most noticeable with his hobbies.

One of Dum-Dum's favorite hobbies is reading, and he is especially fond of fairy tales, comic books and myths. On occasions where Touché had to look for information, he turned to Dum-Dum for assistance. He'll also challenge himself by reading old books. But don't expect him to remember every detail, though.

He's great with kids, and loves spending time with Touché Turtle's nephew, Teensy. In his spare time, he likes to volunteer at the library for storytime.

He also loves baseball and most sports, and before becoming a hero, he had considered becoming either a player or a team coach. His dream would be partly realized when he became a coach for Teensy's Little League team.

He enjoys horseshoe tournaments, though he's never actually won one, on account of hurting one judge too many.

He gets along well with Ricochet Rabbit, who notes that in terms of personality, he's similar to Droop-a-Long, as well as the coyote himself. Dum-Dum's favorite thing to do whenever he and Droop meet is to practice his "fast draw", though he's a worse shot than Droop, having never used a gun in his life.

He is a fairly decent cook, though he considers himself to be a novice in comparison to Droop-a-Long and Punkin’ Puss. He actually decided to try his hand at French cuisine to cater to Touché’s palate, though his results are often hit and miss and certain dishes are hard for him to do.

Loyalty is both his greatest strength and weakness. He has a “my friend, right or wrong” attitude, which can lead to disastrous results when he puts his full trust in the wrong person. Because of this, he takes betrayal worse than Touché.

Dum-Dum is less merciful than Touché when furious. If his friends are thrown into danger, or God forbid, killed, he will make that person pay, and will have no reservations about killing them.

Naturally, he’s not a natural swordsman like Touché, but he does have some skill in fencing, particularly Sabre. He’ll also take up a foil if need be. His since and weight makes him an excellent tank in comparison to the faster but fragile Touché.

Though he loves meat, his favorite food is pizza. The meatier, the better. He actually takes his pizza very, VERY seriously, and outright calls pineapples on pizza a sin. He almost quit working for Touché because of this.

Though normally obedient to a fault, Dum-Dum has been known to indulge in moments of "malicious compliance" when he feels that either the person giving him instructions is wrong, or they're a total jerk who needs to be taught a lesson. Touché found this one out the hard way when he and Dum-Dum ran a burger stand, and he attempted to take some of the extra money for himself. When he told Dum-Dum that if he didn't like it he could quit, Dum-Dum took his words to heart...by quitting mid-prep during a lunch rush, because he didn't like working it, and later came back that afternoon to order. Though angry about it, Touché had to swallow a big ol' slice of humble pie that day. 😊

Hope you enjoyed this revised list!

#hanna-barbera #touché turtle and dum-dum #headcanon #ramblings

[celestialselfdiscovery]

I'm going through an existential crisis. idk if im studying the right thing at university (im studying economics) idk if im just demotivated atm but i realized i would also like to study biology to become a nutritionist because i've always had a passion for it, but at the same time i love travelling and with that degree i would be able to travel if i work for a company. idk what to do im so depressed and lost. i dont have loose more years bc im already 2 years behind and im scared to change now

You wanna know if you’re doing the right thing?

Ask yourself right now:

1) Does it feel good2) Are you having fun 3) Do you feel excitement or passion with what you are doing4) IS IT EASY FOR YOU!!!!

If the answer is not yes to ALL of those questions then honey your intuition is screaming at you to do something ELSE!!!! You’re feeling depressed and lost because you’re doing something soley because you feel comfortable in the situation you’re in because you are scared to make what you consider a risky move because you’re 2 years in. SO WHAT you’re 2 years in. You want to spend more time doing this feeling unpassionate about it to realize years later while you’re looking back at how you could’ve left earlier to pursue what you love instead?? Take a piece of paper write now and imagine a scenario where you didn’t have to care about money, a job, school, degrees. Pretend those things don’t exist. And then on that paper write down everything that you LOVE, everything that makes you HAPPY, what do you want to LEARN! What makes you FEEL GOOD!! Write down things you would love to see, experience, travel to, write down things that you love to do that you’re good at. Write down all those things fill pages and pages up keep going with all those ideas. When you’re done writing, look at the things you wrote down and ask yourself “what’s on here that I wrote that there are already people out there making a living off of doing because they love doing that thing that they are doing”  and go do those things!!!!!!!!!!! You are BORN TO HAVE THE MOST FUN IN YOUR LIFE!!!! Degrees and schools and jobs are matrix constructs!! throw that shit out the window!! You’ve got this life in this body to make the most out of every moment so start figuring out how are you going to make the most out of your day by feeling GOOD and having the most fun!! My favorite thing to ask myself every day when I wake up “How can I have the most fun right now!!” and I do that!! I could and would love to say soooo much more so you’re welcome to reach out ask more specific questions, life coaching is actually my jam love so I’m glad you messaged me and asked something!! May you experience more ease and joy on your journey!!!!

[youremarvelous]

hi. it's ok if you dont want to respond to this, but i've been having a... pretty fucking terrible time lately and i was wondering if you could write a little ficlet about yuuri taking care of viktor? i really love h/c and you write the best, most heartwarming stuff. it's totally ok if you don't want to/you're too busy to, though. i appreciate everything you write and i really hope you're doing okay.

Hi sweetheart! I’m so sorry you’re having a bad time of things lately, I whipped together a small serving of h/c fluff for you. I hope it can help make your day a little better

Warning for a (very mild, non-graphic) description of vomiting 

Yuuri is halfway through a couple’s-turned-solo sponsor interview when his ringtone cuts through a thinly-veiled question about relationship roles—shrill and insistent. Yuuri isn’t one to do something as self-important and rude as answer a phone call in the middle of a professional engagement, but husband mode engages when he sees the caller. He finds himself apologizing, thumbing “accept.”

“Vitya?” There’s no reply for a few agonizing seconds. Yuuri holds the phone to his ear with both hands, willing the silence to sculpt itself into something less alarming. “Are you there?”

“I can’t find the dogs,” Viktor says eventually. The words are syrupy—sticky syllables that pool in Yuuri’s ear—faint and barely coherent. It’s concerning because they’re staying in a hotel room in Paris. Have been since Viktor woke up melted into Yuuri’s side at 3 am the night before, fever-hot and miserable, unable to traverse the handful of feet to the bathroom without tipping into the wall, paling into the milk-white wallpaper.    

Yuuri stands behind his chair, bowing to the interviewer in apology. “That’s okay,” Yuuri reassures Viktor to save himself the time of explaining. He mouths, ‘I have to go,’ and, ‘I’m so sorry,’ to the crew, barely registering their hasty nods of approval before taking off to the exit. “I’m on my way to help you look. Are you in bed?”

“Vitya?” Yuuri prompts when Viktor doesn’t immediately answer.

Yuuri has already flagged down a taxi and whispered, “sweetheart, are you with me,” in what he will later recognize as the most desperate, borderline pathetic voice of his life when the sound of Viktor groaning echoes through the receiver—ominously queasy but solid and there.  

Yuuri gets the feeling it’s more a general expression of discomfort than a deliberate response, but he latches his fingers into it, anyway, curls it into his palms. “I know,” he placates, fumbling in his pocket for his wallet. He’s not even sure if Viktor hears him, but it’s comforting to pretend. “I’m sorry you’re so sick.”

He’s sorry for a lot of things: trusting Viktor to accurately assess the severity of his own illness, believing him when he said it was fine for Yuuri to attend their sponsor meeting this morning, god-awful Paris traffic. At this moment in particular—running up the hotel stairs two at a time—he’s mostly sorry he’s not there to hold back Viktor’s hair when he makes a sound like his throat cracking in half, follows it up with a sickly splash.

“That’s okay.” Yuuri shoulders his phone to unlock the door to their room. He stumbles into the bathroom, drops to his knees at Viktor’s side. His phone clatters across the tile—call ended and forgotten. “You’re okay,” he soothes when Viktor pushes his hands into his face, shakes his head with a full body shiver.

Viktor doesn’t complain, but his forehead is creased with pain when Yuuri smooths his palm across it. “I should never have left you,” he says mostly to himself, frowning at the heat.

“I hate this,” Viktor says, voice crackling like hot rain on the sidewalk. It’s not an answer, but it’s all Yuuri needs.

He calls the sponsor an agonizing hour of holding back Viktor’s hair and his own tears later. They’re understanding of his plight and agree to let him finish the remaining questions via email. Yuuri answers them with his laptop in his lap, Viktor spooned up to his side—hand clenched in Yuuri’s shirt, knee crooked over Yuuri’s legs.

Yuuri wonders not for the first time how Viktor ever managed to sleep in a bed alone. He texts his Kaasan for advice in between mindlessly filling questions. Yes, he doesn’t need to worry about the fever unless it spikes over 103, yes, he should make Viktor take liquids, even if he can’t keep them down, yes, he and Viktor both consider that first whirlwind year as student and coach to be a landmark of their entire careers.

Viktor becomes fully coherent again sometime around dinner. He’s soggy with nausea and still far too pale, but his eyes are clear when Yuuri meets them.

Yuuri shuts down his 2DS, moves from the chaise lounge to the side of the bed. “Did you find the dogs?” He asks, stroking Viktor’s overheated temple with his thumb.

“Hm?” Viktor swallows thickly, lifts his hand to cover Yuuri’s. “Who let them out?”

“I hope you know the only reason I’m not singing right now is because I love you.”

Viktor smiles weakly. It doesn’t mean much. He’s known for minimizing pain that way.  

Still, Yuuri knows he means it when he leans into his side, nuzzles his face into Yuuri’s chest. Says, “I love you, too.”

                                           my yoi drabbles  |  kofi ♡

#yuri on ice #yuuri katsuki #viktor nikiforov #sickfic #yoi drabble #my writing #prompt fill

[whatssports]

Squash Ball Material Memory Concept For Airfoil Flight - Innovations In Sport

For five years, I've been facilitating a camp Med sports program, which is a licensed daycare program sponsored by South Pasadena. This equates to about 500 hours of sports coaching. A majority of the children who participate are between 5-11 years old. However, this can vary from ten to sixty. Children are highly engaged in their sports hour. The competitive spirit of the games is high, and their teamwork and sportsmanship has improved over the years. Three basic strategies/dynamics are used to make the children's sports hours happy.

Give praise to the children

Positive feedback provides a What sports child with a way to grow and become more involved in the sport. Positive feedback helps the child see themselves as a person they can be.

I take part in sports hour. One counselor watches the game. We praise the children for their hard work, good play and good sportsmanship. Our post-game show is where the most cherished praise is received. The observing counselor is the storyteller, providing post-game analysis of how each player performed. The child is the focus of the praise, and not just any other child. After the recap, verbal awards will be given for best sportsmanship and courageous play, team leader, MVP or best young player. An award has been given for the most enjoyable player, someone who brings joy and creativity to the field.

The post-game awards show the children what adults are like. Children will be more aware that they are being awarded a sportsmanship award and their behavior will change. These awards do not focus on winning. They are focused on core values, and playing the game in an organized, constructive way.

The post-game ceremony is now a tradition. Instead of getting caught up in the outcome, the children are now able to anticipate the awards show. Most of the children consider receiving praise more important than winning. The praise feeds their spirit and is like food.

Sport can help you feel good about yourself. All children can experience positive self-esteem through praise.

Make it fun

When something is enjoyable, kids will give everything they have. Games that flow well, with little sitting or standing around, are the most enjoyable. We play soccer, street hockey with plastic sticks and a whipball and capture the ball (see Box). The best sports are those that get the kids moving.

I am there with the children. You may be familiar with the Seinfeld episode in which Kramer joined a children's Karate class and dominated them. But there is a silver lining to this. Gym class was my favorite activity growing-up, so I'm very enthusiastic. I am a role model for good behavior. The younger children love me because I can kick and throw the ball high. They love competing against me. Their delight when one of them beats me is quite funny to watch.

Children discover that "Sports is fun." This association will be a great asset in their later years of sedentary life.

Empower the children

We know that an event is enjoyable when the children tell us. We give them a lot of control over what we do. There is a lot of cooperation when they decide the event for the day. Over the years, I have noticed that the children intuitively know what the best sport is on any given day.

Empowerment is all about listening. They often see things clearly. They often have amazing pointers. Listening can also be healing. It is empowering for children to hear the voices of others.

Children do well when they have jobs. The field is set up by the children. The children say, "Ready to set, go!" The children decide who kicks the ball. The children manage their teams.

They are allowed to think for themselves. They are allowed to fail and that is okay. This is their learning experience.

Sometimes, a child might be assigned a job within the context of the sport. They thrive on this. A child who had been resisting sports hour for years was allowed to play in the left corner of the goal. She was strong, even though she wasn't very fast. She soon became comfortable with the position and was able to take possession of most of the balls in the corner. Soon, she was scoring goals from amazing angles. Then, a pattern began to emerge that no one could have predicted. She began scoring unprecedented numbers (30-40%) of the game's winning goals in close games.

Her determination, creativity, and self-confidence flourished in the corner of the field.

#Sports

[onthebackline]

Music for Deaf People

Wowee, the second year of my university life has definitely been eventful. Pretty much every assignment this year has been horrendous and honestly quite draining, but of course, there is one obvious exception which has completely saved my motivation and willpower to complete this degree.

Subwoofers seemed like an attainable but daunting goal when we first heard about it; since Winterland 2016 (remember that fun-filled experience?), in the first year, we were prepared to fill the concourse at the uni again with fun and interesting rides and attractions to bring in people from all around Wycombe. So when our lectures told us the success of Winterland had prompted a local charity, with a 23 Acre grass field, to try putting on their own music festival, and that they wanted us to work with them to make this the biggest event they’ve done yet. 

What? 

Winterland wasn’t the stressful failure I thought it was? External parties wanted to use our event management skills with their resources to put on another event? woo-wee. 

So I've spoken on this all before but we were put into the four main management teams: Logistics, production, Talent and marketing. I started in logistics but was moved to help liaise with the Talent team and the stage manager and was eventually fully inducted into the production team and for the last few weeks leading up to the event I had become the second stage manager and had to make sure that everything was going to run smoothly within that department. really a lot of the work for the second stage had already been done and I was simply making sure that people still had the right information, such as the most updated versions of the stage times and besides that, I was helping other productions members, in whatever way I could.

(Subwoofers flyer)

SUBWOOFERS 2018 was amazing, it was easily my favourite assignment of the year; there were so few problems on the day and the sun was absolutely beaming. The expected stress was about in the morning, as still, some jobs had to be done from the day before, signs were to go up, traders and a few rides were still to arrive. And a most recent addition, 300 deck chairs had to be unloaded in front of the stage. I managed to arrive 15 minutes late as I woke up at 6:59AM and missed the coach at 7 and had to leap into a taxi. 

So upon arriving we were quickly given jobs based on what still needed most urgently doing, regardless of their roles in the teams, (i’ll get back to this later buts it’s important) and the rest of the set up was fairly quickly done, which was good as the attendees were starting to arrive and the site was soon to open. deck chairs got unloaded, Herace fencing went up, queue systems were built, and then re-built as sections of ped barrier were stolen to quarantine the main stage and front-of-house booth. The only photo I have of myself on site is me helping the logistics team leader trying to put those really dodgy signs together, you know, those ones that have been around since bucks live was conceived? Those things are in dire condition...

(Oh look, it's me wow)

Being the second stage manager was probably the easiest thing I've done in my academic life. A quick comparison to Winterland here; when I was managing the second stage 1.5  years ago I overestimated my own knowledge and realised that I had severely over advertised myself, there were loads of things I hadn’t considered and had to make quick solutions. It was all very messy.

This time around though, I had at first decided to avoid production on this event, and see what I could do for the logistics team. However, things went as they did and I got pulled in by the “Production Gals” to sort out backline stuff and see that the second stage was up and running on time. Since Winterland, it was obvious that I had somewhat of a better idea of what would need to happen to make sure my stage would be a success. 

There was one problem with this. The production team were too good. Every time I had an idea, a suggestion or a question that I thought hadn’t had much thought to it, I’d have about 4 people reassure me in harmony, about what has been done and how I shouldn’t have to worry about that specific aspect. Every time I was worried about something I’d simply mention it and my fears would be washed away by this angelic production choir. (Adrienne, the main stage manager, said “Don’t worry, we got this Michael” literally 3 times every meeting) My stage had a tent, power, all necessary backline, PA equipment and a flipping engineer before I even knew I was running it. 

The day went so quickly I barely noticed, I had to make sure that my stage was on time with all its acts and there were no major disturbances to the lineup. In reality, about 80% of my stages’ artists either started or finished late, but due to the wonderful inexperience of the talent and production teams (in relation to solo artists), myself and the delegated engineer decided that the 20 minute changeover times were ludicrously overestimated and that we could be “flexible as fuck” with this lineup. this worked out nicely, and my stage stopped playing music before curfew, just for the record.

(Jack Little performing on the second stage at Subwoofers)

The biggest problem I faced all day was making sure artists got to the stage on time, I was constantly using the radio to contact the production office and see if the artists had arrived on site and that they were ready to be at my stage when needed. some artists made their own way and others couldn’t be found in time, but because the lineup was as flexible it was almost not an issue.

Dan was late, by the way. 

The only artist who was also in our class turned up 10 minutes late for the only set he had been booked into; although it didn’t really matter because he could have almost doubled his set time without infringing on the artist following him. No one seems to know what he was doing when he was asked after, but he seemed to enjoy his stroll for about 100 yards across the main field before he arrived at my tent. He put on a good show though when he did go on. Everyone enjoyed Dan the Guitar.

The day rounded up quietly, my stage stopped playing music at exactly 5:40pm and we had a soft close up till 6pm, as I asked a nearby steward to close up the side of the tent one by one, encouraging people to leave. After a quick sweep of the tent for litter, I set the engineer free from my control and allowed him to de-construct all his equipment and pack it all down. I went back to the life of odd jobs, trading 21mm spanners with people and chatting back and forth on the radio helping find lost event staff and going on suntan lotion runs.

(Bucks Live Lettering)

Overall the day was pretty breezy, it went a LOT better than I ever expected it to, this being because there were many small and recurring problems leading up to the day as well as assumed bad reception by the public. Now the marketing team inevitably did a good job, and it can’t be denied that the sunny weather had a part to play in our turn out, but I was still sure that there were going to be quarrels and arguments between everyone, but it just didn’t happen. It was kushty, to say the least. 

https://www.bucksherald.co.uk/news/picture-gallery-thousands-enjoy-fun-in-the-sun-at-saunderton-music-festival-which-has-a-woof-in-its-step-1-8494970

http://www.bucksfreepress.co.uk/news/16211630.Thousands_flock_to_first_ever_family__deaf_and_dog_friendly_music_festival/

#Subwoofers #bucks live #Buckslivepresent #hearingdogsfordeafpeople