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bolognamayhem117 · 8 days

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Hot Take: Astarion does NOT hate flowers. You just missed a few subtle hints through Act 1 and early Act 3.

Astarion's negativity is directed toward just about anything remotely pleasant as you move through early act three, starting the moment you leave Wyrm's Rock. First thing after Gortash's coronation he marvels near tears at the colors of the city in daylight. If you ask if he's alright, it pisses him off.

There's other instances I can't quite remember but he's a straight crank throughout early Act 3 and it took me several hours of gameplay to have a lightbulb moment about his newly crappier attitude.

He just spent the last two hundred years seeing everything in the overwhelmingly warm dim tones of indoor lighting via sconces, rushlights, and braziers, or the dingy blue gray of moonlight outside. Daylight colors are something he had more than a lifetime to forget and now that he has a chance to remember that vibrancy in his own home town, he knows he's going to have to forget it all over again either by death or by remaining a vampire spawn forever. The worm isn't going to live rent free in his head forever, and killing Cazador to ascend in his place likely feels like an insurmountable and impossible fight against a literal titan who could stomp him flat without a corm of effort.

He doesn't hate flowers, he hates EVERYTHING right now because it's all going away very soon and if he convinces himself he hates everything then he won't miss it when it's all gone again. He was denied this for two hundred years and he's PISSED at what was stolen from him and PISSED it's all going away again.

He behaved similarly in Act 1 about anyone besides him enjoying physical intimacy. Some of this content was cut, to my best knowledge, but the overwhelming majority of his dialog addressing the PC romancing anyone but him are negative or backhanded. This is for two reasons, I think. A: his Simple Plan just dissolved right before his eyes when you chose someone else which in his mind means he has zero safety net, and EVERYONE gets to enjoy sex (key wording being ENJOY, not simply having) except him... And it pisses him off.

He also gleefully interrupts the bug bear and the ogress, I think for the same reason as the above paragraph, being: If he doesn't get to enjoy intimacy neither do they.

He reacts with anger and disgust at anything he's being unfairly denied. Which... That's fair. His feelings are valid, but his reaction to it is pretty shitty and meanspirited.

The other companions I tend to keep in my party, (that is Lae'zel, Halsin, Karlach, and Wyll) however, are actually appearing to behave pretty patiently with him in Act 3 which I find interesting.

In the instance with the flowers Karlach doesn't bother trying to convince him otherwise of his opinion, she just tells him how they make her feel instead and rather than getting snippy or doubling down he more or less agrees to disagree. I also don't recall anyone disagreeing with Astarion during Gale's last quest tasks when he mentioned that he quit praying to gods who wouldn't hear him a long time ago but to be fair, I think the gods did everybody in this crew dirty and they all know it. It seems like they're consciously giving him the space to be mad about things, is what I'm saying.

Everyone I know including myself who crawled out of a long-term hot garbage situation kinda went wild for a bit with freedom, spoke poorly, behaved strangely, had extreme emotional reactions to things, and made some particularly terrible choices. I think that's just a part of recalibrating yourself, healing and learning how to be okay again.

Point is, I wouldn't conflate too many of the turbo-negative things he says with how he actually feels about anything. We certainly know what he says and what he feels are two very different things.

#astarion #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion ancunin #trauma #the pale elf #cazador szarr

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thebearer · 10 months

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baby dorothea being nicknames "teddy" just makes me want to absolutely sob e! you don't even know that is so precious! carmen calling her his teddy bear is not what I expected today but exactly what I needed!

i thought it was really sweet honestly. i just like to picture carmen hearing you sing 'dorothea' to baby dorothea aka teddy, and especially the part of "skipping the prom just to piss off your mom- but you're not gonna do that to mommy are you? no you're not, because you're my perfect baby, aren't you? yes you are!" you squeal in a high pitched coo that was soft, had her gurgling in little baby gurgles back.

"i wouldn't be mad if you didn't want to go to prom. honestly, teddy bear, it really was not that great." you whisper, pressing your nose sweetly to hers.

carmen watching by the doorway, hidden and silent and trying to hold back his own emotions because he's so overwhelmed with both of you. like he feels so emo all the time bc he loves you both so much, and it's so sappy but it's so true. like he can not help it, he's got the life he never thought he'd have- one he's never had before.

i'm too hormonal for this today i am gonna sob.

#thebearer #bearblahs #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto x reader #dad!carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto fluff #carmy berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto fic

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shouldiusemyname · 8 months

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Since @thegalwhorants - bestie put me back in my Boston feels at 4am with this, I am now compelled, and encouraged, to write about It!

So you know what this means...

Yup, You Got it. ANOTHER TRIP TO BOSTON!

Honestly, I don't even know if it's Neo's babyness or my reading of Boston, but my heart goes out to him... See, it's like a case of the reverse 3 bears syndrome:

SandRay are too close and personal for me. too many similarities with my own actual experiences and I get overwhelmed thinking about them. AKA the bed that fits perfectly but makes me disconnect out of sheer overwhelm over how comfortable I am in that mess.

TopMew just piss me off, and I took quite a trip to realize that it's a good thing. I honestly believe that that's how I'm supposed to be feeling and I'm learning to enjoy the experience. However, if I were to write about it the only coming out would be a series of incoherent rants which I will spare you from. AKA the middle sized bed that just pisses me off! Like This is too "one size fits all" but I KNOW something's off and I can't relax and enjoy my sleep.

The only ones left are Boston and Nick - my big comfy bed. I can understand this bed. I have experienced this bed before but I have no unsolved issues about it. I can move around comfortably on this bed and sleeping in it once again just makes me feel good about myself and my past experiences.

So now, after I've taken you out on a stroll through the inner workings of my mind, let's talk about BOSTON! and Nick cos you gotta have some Nick in there...

Boston is compelling. That's it.

He is compelling for Nick for the same reason his father is compelling for him. Boston come off as carefree, no BS kinda guy, I do what I want, nothing gets to me and I don't care about people's opinions. I glide and float through life and nothing can touch me.

This is super attractive and compelling for someone like, say I don't know... Nick? Who feels like he's trapped by familial obligations. That's why Nick (thinks he) knows full well what he's getting into with Boston. That's because he is attracted to THAT side of Boston who is a loose canon, that side of Boston who he wishes to have in his life (so somewhat - I actually wanted to be him, but he's hot so I ended up fucking him and now I'm in love).

Anygay... Boston - by now I hope you can see that this is all a facade. This is all him adopting and taking on his father's persona. See, Boston has no roots. His mother bolted to the other side of the planet and left him with a father who can't father. There's no parental authority, no boundaries or values. So, Boston had to instinctively understand that if he wants those boundaries, he needs to exist within the boundaries of his father's personality (I hope this makes sense and that you get what I mean). Basically, he will get his father's attention, good or bad, if it's about something that exists within his father's framework or world. Anything other than what exists there means that Boston is on his own to figure out life.

Naturally, Boston takes on that attitude and it serves him in two ways:

he gets his father's attention and approval.

He can disconnect from his own self and not go through the pain of feeling his emotions. This is super obvious in the Ray confrontation - it seems like he's enjoying the fact that he's hurting Ray, but you can actually see the switch go off. I'll get into it in a bit.

This is also why he truly can't connect the dots and see how contradictory he's being when he fails to live up to his own values, re: I will record my friends' deeply personal moment but I will not have that done to me. This is not a contradiction in his mind because these two things live in two disconnected parts of his being - the mind and the feels.

ok, now I want to get into the ep.6 Ray confrontation because this was gold! *grabbing some screenshots...just a sec...aaaaand done*

Frist of all, the sheer confusion of Boston's face when Ray comes at him. Liks, what have I done? What could I have possibly done to make Ray so angry?!

We did have some fun laughing about Boston doing so much that he needs to do a quick mental scan of all the shit he's done trying to figure out what Ray's talking about. But NO. Boston is genuinely blanking here.

But here. This? This is where it starts getting interesting, cos this

This is the face of fear. This is what Boston looks like when he's feeling his emotions.

Then, when Ray tells him "how could you do that...he's your friend" It hits him and he switches. a brief moment of actual pain here

This is first step partial shut down. Immediate emotions disconnected and he enters damage control mode.

This is when he tries to rationalize by BSing his way around how this is making him feel. Ray is not letting it go and he's not buying the "I just wanted sex and the timing was off" excuse (if you can call it that), THEN! Ray calls him a slut, the transformation is complete and Chaos Demon takes over with the most hurtful and mean thing he could have said at that point "Not just anyone. I PICKED him"

This look is terrifying. Not because it's evil, but because of the disconnect. This is 100% you made me HURT and FEEL PAIN and I refuse to feel any of it. (I wish I had a gif of the shrug cos that just completes the transformation)

After that he just goes into full attack dog mode and he's on a mission to DESTROY Ray.

OK, I think it's enough for now. I just know I will be writing about him again as B&N are my big bed with plenty of wiggle room characters.

As always, thank you for visiting my soapbox. I appreciate you sticking this out (I did have more screenshots this time!).

Much love ❤️

#not me sitting at 4:30am to write this #ofts #only friends the series #only friends meta #another trip to boston #only friends #bostonnick

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doodler-jpeg · 2 years

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[Probably unwanted] TF2 x reader content because i havent been feeding y'all too much YO I THINK I FIGURED OUT HOW TO DO THE READ MORE THING YES.

RANDOM HEADCANONS FOR THE MERCS + MISS PAULING + SAXTON HALE BUT THEYRE ALL PROBABLY REALLY BAD

CW// alcohol, piss kink mention, spy slander, probably ooc because i havent visited the fandom since 2020 and i only remembered it because of a tiktok someone made showing off red flag characters they've simped for, they/them used for pyro

SCOUT:

Scout's the type of guy to learn his s/o-slash-crush's first language [if their first language isn't English]. He tries not to let you know until you start finding "[insert language] for Beginners" books around the base. Do you tease him? Slightly. Do you think it's sweet? Absolutely.

He also probably draws you and gets flustered if and when you find out he does so. You're flattered. He made all your sides look great.

SNIPER:

This dude has a piss kink.

I'm just joshing. Or am I?

Sniper tells his parents about his s/o-slash-crush so much so to the point his parents, given he visits them with the other mercenaries, tease him. He just groans, covers his face, and has to bear the jokes and teasing that the mercs throw at him.

SOLDIER:

He is indifferent around his crush-slash-s/o. Or so he thinks. He somehow gets louder and that gets on everyone's nerves do they're like "damn, poor you" and then they just have you deal with him from there because he's your problem now. If you catch him in the nude covered in honey while fighting the enemy, expect to be forced to join.

SPY:

He doesn't deserve love. His balaclava stinks so much that it's used as a repellent for all potential mates.

ENGINEER:

SWEETHEART. He has so many endearing nicknames that he subconsciously says. If and when his crush-slash-s/o points it out, he just goes "oh yeah, I guess I do that. Does it bother you?" and you're probably like "NO IT DOESN'T, SHAWTY" and he just keeps calling you things like darlin', sweet pea, honey, and more even more than he already does.

PYRO:

They draw their s/o-slash-crush so much it's not even funny. The team was forced to make several refrigerator cutouts that are now shrines filled with doodles of both you and Pyro. It's not even funny. Like, they'll draw you and them at any given moment. And they talk to Balloonicorn about you a lot so, like, it's cute.

DEMOMAN:

He relies on being drunk to be able to talk with his crush. Like, he starts to overthink his actions in certain situations when he's sober so much that he will physically malfunction the moment you go near him.

And then he gets drunk and goes over to you to start conversation and since Scottish people are hilarious [and I'm saying this seriously. Scottish people have some type of humor that i don't understand but i laugh anyway] you're brought to tears by the middle of your conversation and he's so proud of himself.

Okay, but if he's overwhelmed with glee, he'd probably just give you a smooch and then scream in victory. It happens after every win.

HEAVY:

Heavy is gentle. He's the type of man to guard your drink with his life and expects absolutely nothing in return. He was raised right.

The second you look uncomfortable, he's going to go up to you, look directly at the threat, and just stares. Menacingly.

MEDIC [i almost forgot about this guy. I made a list with all of their names on it and somehow forgot about medic]:

He gets excited to see his crush-slash-s/o in the medbay. He'll make conversation with you while he's [quite literally] rearranging your guts.

"Ja, Archimedes nearly died and since then I've been- Archimedes! Get out of there right now!"

He shows off every single god damn dove he owns and is so proud. He probably made them all bird-sized sweaters in his free time.

MISS PAULING:

She is a professional. She has standards. She takes her job seriously and has made a vow to never let any sort of emotion get in the way of her work. HOWEVER. She drops that all out a window and gushes to herself about her s/o-slash-crush.

SAXTON HALE:

He depends on money, his body, and his power to get love. I don't take criticism.

That is all.

#tf2 demoman x reader #tf2 soldier x reader #tf2 scout x reader #tf2 pyro x reader #tf2 spy x reader #tf2 sniper x reader #tf2 medic x reader #tf2 saxton hale x reader #tf2 heavy x reader #tf2 engineer x reader #tf2 miss pauling x reader #tf2 x reader #tf2 headcanons

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deer-time · 3 years

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So far I haven't seen anyone talk about Vanya watching Pogo die. I'm curious to hear your thoughts on that scene

holy shit holy smokes I have SO many thoughts thank you so much Anon because there’s a lot of subtext and so many interesting dialogue choices, blocking choices, and musical choices that add so much to the scene. Major fucking props to Elliot Page for his stellar acting and major props to the CGI team for the subtle emotions on Pogo’s face, as well as Adam Godley for a heart-wrenching voice performance.

you know its a big deal when i actually rewatch the scene instead of going off my shitty memory

I’m gonna try and break it down so let’s actually start by establishing the vibe between these two before this scene.

Episode 1 established that Vanya does love Pogo or at least to some degree she does, she is someone that she trusts. He’s the one who tells her that the mansion will always be her home, he’s the one who tries to assure her her father did love her (that’s fucked up Pogo, come on man), and he’s concerned about her safety (offering to call her a cab). Vanya’s defenses are still there but they aren’t as raised as they are with Diego or Allison, there is some level of trust in their relationship (she opens up about the sandwiches in an attempt to make small talk, she does not actively make an attempt with her other family members). If she was stuck in the house while her siblings were out, no doubt she probably latched onto this old chimpanzee as a pseudo-father figure.

She trusts Pogo, she is not aware of his complacency in her abuse. Pogo holds affections to all of them but I do think there was a bond between Vanya and him that’s being alluded to here.

Let’s fast forward to the scene now that we’ve established there is a bond, because we have set-up so let’s have some pay-off:

Vanya tearing down the mansion is a fucking treat to watch, there’s no denying that. However, the events leading up to it are sad, distressing, she should never have reached this point of destruction. She was betrayed by the people she loved (Allison with the rumor, Leonard with the journal, and her siblings by locking her in a cage and walking away and leaving her there). She’s breaking down mentally and she’s taking the house down with her - she is both tearing down her cage and herself.

Look at how calmly she’s walking, she’s done.

So when she gets to the living room (is that what it’s called?) and she has the flashback of Reginald telling at her to be quiet, yeah she’s fucking pissed. He tore apart her life, he told her time and time again to be quiet, continuously muted her (physically with the cage, mentally with reinforcing the rumor). She is done with Reginald, she’s done with it all. Except-

(We’re going line by line now)

“Miss Vanya, that’s quite enough!” Pogo talks to her like a child throwing a tantrum and in some ways, she is. He talks to all of the Hargreeves if they were children and in many ways, they really all are. They’ve never grown up, Vanya never got the chance to grow up. When was the last time she was in touch with her emotions, before they were strangled by her pills? When she was four years old. Of course everything is overwhelming, she’s been sedated for years now.

“Miss Vanya, I under how upset you are. But I can assure that none of your siblings bear any of the responsibility for what happened to you as a child.” Pogo is trying to defend the other Hargreeves and to some extent, what he’s saying is true. But the thing is...what happened to her as a child is continuing into her adulthood and destroying her life. She has lived sedated and under the influence of a poorly thought out rumor. She’s struggling physically and mentally. What happened to her as a child is still clearly fucking her life up and the other Hargreeve siblings contributed to it, unknowingly or not.

And when she turns to them, her eyes turn brown again. She is herself and she needs to be to hear his answer. This is someone she trusts, this is someone she has turned to for comfort time and again throughout her childhood and when she moves towards him, pretending to be lax and casual, you can tell there’s a storm brewing. She doesn’t want him to be a part of this, she doesn’t want to believe that another person she thought could trust is complicit in this fucked up conspiracy of her life.

She asks anyways: “Did you know?”

Listen to her, she’s on the verge of tears and she so desperately wants Pogo to say no, she wants to spare him but only if he admits that he still cares, that he wasn’t a betrayer. This is an opportunity for him to escape, to lie, and Pogo, who has been so wrapped up in keeping secrets throughout the season, now knows that lying will only make things worse. He tells the truth but he does it in a way that let’s us know what we’ve always known: Pogo’s loyalties have always lied with Reginald, never with the children.

“Your father discovered...that you were capable of great things. Much like your brothers and sister. But your powers were...too great. He only wanted to protect you from yourself as well as your siblings.” Vanya has been told she’s ordinary, that she is not worth much because of that. Now she’s being told she was too great? Pogo pretty much just said: You will never be good enough.

Then the last line...fuck he has shifted the blame onto her, that her father was only doing what was best, that she was too dangerous. Pogo, what the fuck.

Vanya asks again, she needs to hear him say it, and there is no triumph in this scene, this is another betrayal of someone she thought she was close to, someone she could trust. All he’s done is say you’re not enough and you’re too dangerous.

Major fucking props to the CGI on this part where Pogo is silent, he is thinking this over. He has spent years fanning the flames of this lie and if he lied again, if he said, Vanya would not have killed him. But Pogo knows the time for lies is over, that Vanya, who is a little girl that is hurting from years worth of abuse and lies, deserves the truth: “Yes, Miss Vanya. I knew.”

There is no one left that has not betrayed her in some way or another, Pogo has just admitted it. Vanya hangs her head, her face grows shadowed and both the gears in the audience’s head and Pogo’s head are turning: what will she do? Then she looks up and her eyes are silver. Vanya is letting go of any sliver of hope she once had for her family, she’s done. She thought had a bond with Pogo, a level of trust from a bond forged in childhood to one quieter in adulthood but still there. It’s gone and he’s said as much.

She lifts him in the air and keeps him there, lets him writhe in agony in a similar way to Leonard. Both of them have betrayed her, both of them are going to pay for it.

Look at where she flings him! The symbolism is SO fucking blatant here: He is impaled on antlers underneath Reginald’s portrait. The show has shown us these taxidermied animals (she’s turned Pogo into one) and how Reginald’s portrait looms over them. She knows where his loyalties die now and in some ways, it reads to me as Vanya saying: “You will die like a dog by your master’s side.”

She’s watching someone she thought she could trust die, she did that to him. She’s not enjoying his suffering, she didn’t relish in the act of impaling him, but she did because that is what she believe needs to be done (the parallels between this and Leonard’s death...fuck man). She needs to be sure he dies, she’s not taking any chances While he dies, he is being forced to look into the eyes of his killer, the killer he helped create.

The music is sorrowful as Pogo gasps for air, blood dribbling down his mouth. As with any Vanya soundtracks, there is a heavy use of strings, strings are Vanya’s instrument. It’s grieving, Vanya is grieving for what she has lost and for what she never had to begin with.

Thank you so much for the question, it was a real treat to go through the scene again and just dig into how phenomenal it is. I hope this somewhat answered your question, even if I did go a bit overboard!

#the umbrella academy #tua meta #i think?#deer rambles #so sorry this got real long #i got REALLY excited sdhfjks #Anonymous #tua #vanya hargreeves

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blessedarethebinarybreakers · 4 years

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Hi this may not be new to everyone but I was recently introduced to the concept of questioning God. I was raised with the idea that you do not question Them bc who do we think we are to question God, and to question Them is to lack faith. I'm still trying to wrap my head round this new idea so sorry if this sounds really silly and naive but why would we want to question God? And is questioning God=lack of faith? Sorry if this was messily worded

Hey there, anon! When you’ve been raised never to question God, the idea of questioning them can be kind of scary -- but hopefully you will find it to be freeing and empowering and enriching, too!

Now, I think most Christians would ascribe to some sort of “who are we to question God?” type mindset, as you name. I think I probably do, insofar as that means I tend to understand God as omniscient; I do believe that God’s answers and God’s will are Right and Just, are Correct, and that I don’t really have any hope of “proving God wrong.” But even so, it’s not a failure of faith to question anyway! As this post will assert, questioning is a healthy and powerful part of faith.

For in questioning God, in going on a journey of reflection and asking God what the heck is up, I will learn and grow -- I will discover what God’s will truly is, and just why it is Right and Just. And I will grow deeper in relationship with God on the way.

___________

(Before expounding on all of that, I want to add that there may well be some Christians who do believe that God might could be proven wrong -- or at least that God is open to learning and changing God’s mind! Diversity of faith and interpretation is valuable and worthy of respect.

After all, there are stories in scripture where God changes Hir mind -- Xe is convinced by Abraham not to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah if even just 10 righteous people live there; and by Moses to spare the people of Israel.

And then there is one of my favorite stories from the life of Jesus, i.e. God Incarnate, where he seems to get schooled by a Canaanite or Syrophoenician woman. I’ve got a sermon on this very story and what it might mean about God’s relationship with us as one open to give-and-take, growth and change!

If I’m not mistaken, a faith that makes room for the possibility of God changing God’s mind is more similar to most Jewish persons’ beliefs about God than a “God is always right. period.” type mentality. Anyway, back to the main point of this post!)

___________

Questioning God does not = a lack of faith. After all, countless faithful figures in scripture asked questions of God, from Moses to Habakkuk, from the psalmist to Jesus himself. See this post for examples!

In fact, many say that questioning God is actually evidence of a deep and vibrant faith. (Again, this idea is a Big Deal for our Jewish neighbors.)

If you dare to question, if you spend time and energy pondering hard topics and you engage with God as you do so, that’s a sign that you care. That you want to know what is true about God, what is true about God’s will for us. You’re not willing to swallow lies or submit to easy answers. That’s powerful faith. As Rachel Held Evans puts it in her book Inspired,

“If I’ve learned anything from thirty-five years of doubt and belief, it’s that faith is not passive intellectual assent to a set of propositions. It’s a rough-and-tumble, no-holds-barred, all-night-long struggle, and sometimes you have to demand your blessing rather than wait around for it.”

___________

Now, saying all this stuff about faith probably requires a redefining of faith. If you’ve grown up being told that faith is as simple as believing in God, as not doubting God’s existence or God’s will, all of this stuff about faith being a struggle or a conversation with God or any of that doesn’t make much sense. So here are some quotes + places you can go to explore new meanings of just what faith is:

“The opposite of faith is not doubt, it’s certainty -- because what need do the certain have for faith?” - Science Mike, The Liturgists.

"The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty. Certainty is missing the point entirely. Faith includes noticing the mess, the emptiness and discomfort, and letting it be there until some light returns." - Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith

It can also be helpful to understand faith not as an achievement, but as a gift -- not something we earn, but are given freely. See this post.

The idea of faith being a journey with ups and downs, and doubt not being faith’s enemy but a healthy part of it, can be explored in this posts + the posts linked in that one.

I find Barbara Brown Taylor’s discussions of a full solar faith vs. a lunar faith in her book Learning to Walk in the Dark very helpful when discussing a relationship with God that allows us to bring Her all our questions and doubts and messy emotions. I described her idea of the perils of a full-solar faith in which we cannot question God and must act happy & thankful all the time in this older post.

____________

Okay. Let’s get to the part of asking questions of God that excites me the most -- using our questions as a way to enrich our relationships with God!

God longs for real, mutual relationships with us -- and that can’t happen if we are unquestioningly obedient, right? A relationship cannot be one-sided; it cannot be unbalanced; it must involve a willingness on both sides to hear the other out. It must allow for vulnerability, for confusion, for communication.

In asking questions of God, we can grow in relationship with Them. And we will be following in a long tradition of good and faithful people who have done the same!

Here’s a quote on how sharing our questions and frustrations with God can actually deepen our relationship with them:

"My favorite Quaker example of this willingness to confront God is a story told by a woman who was so frustrated with her life she began berating God. For nearly an hour, she told God how pissed off she was with Him. Finally, her anger subsided and she heard a “still, small voice” whisper to her: “Finally, we can have an honest relationship.”"

- Anthony Manousos

And another quote about how letting God in on our anger or frustration towards Them is an important part of being honest and connecting with Them:

“Is it ever acceptable to be angry at God? I would suggest that it is not only acceptable, it may be one of the hallmarks of a truly religious person. It puts honesty ahead of flattery.” - Harold S. Kushner

_____________

An additional reason we would want to question God is because sometimes, what we are really questioning is whether a certain thing we have been told is actually of God is or not. Often, when we question God what we’re really questioning is the ideas of God that have been fed to us by other human beings.

For instance, if we have been told that the Bible holds nothing but God’s direct word and will, and then find passages that seem to promote harmful things like genocide or slavery, it is right and good and human to question whether such things are actually promoted by God!

“Accepting the Bible’s war stories without objection threatened to erase my humanity. ‘We don’t become more spiritual by becoming less human,’ Eugene Peterson said. How could I love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength while disengaging those very faculties every time I read the Bible?” - Rachel Held Evans, Inspired

Or if we’ve been told that LGBT relationships are not God’s will, but then we see such relationships bearing good fruit while the repression of an LGBT identity bears bad fruit, it’s sensible and good to question what God’s will in this matter really is.

"If same-sex relationships are really sinful, then why do they so often produce good fruit—loving families, open homes, self-sacrifice, commitment, faithfulness, joy? And if conservative Christians are really right in their response to same-sex relationships, then why does that response often produce bad fruit—secrets, shame, depression, loneliness, broken families, and fear?" - Rachel Held Evans

For more on this element of questioning God that is more about questioning scripture or certain church teachings / leaders, see my “Framework for Interpreting Scripture” page on my website.

_________

I’ll close by commending to you my #wrestling God tag. There you will see many examples of faithful people asking God questions, bringing their difficult emotions and their doubts to God, and even getting snarky with God! For instance, a post with verses expressing anger or confusion towards God.

Finally, if you dive into what it means to ask questions of God, things might get overwhelming for a while -- some people find that taking these steps causes them to feel like everything they thought they know about God has changed. If that happens to you, I’ve got a post that aims to guide you through some steps to getting to know God again.

Best of luck to you, anon, as you continue your faith journey! Please let me know if you have any more questions as you go!

#wrestling God #questioning God #faith tag #doubt tag #Anonymous #essays

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nad-zeta · 4 years

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Hi!can I request a matchup for iksen? I'm 164 cm a little chubby/ curvy black Pixie short wavy hair and brown eyes. A typical Capricorn which means I'm hardworking, Sarcastic (to a point where I'm plain rude but only with those who piss me off) and straight forward. I like being cheerful and easily excitable around the people I'm comfortable with but around strangers,im shy as hell and usually need a LOT of nudging to express myself or even talk. Part 1

Most of the time i'm pretty chill and laid back but i take no shit and know how to stand up for things i believe in.i have some childish quirks as well &can be really expressive.My feelings show on my face which I don't like bc i'm terrible at lying or acting and get embarrased easily (basically a tsundere)but when we are good friends i can be very patient ,caring and talkative! Part 2 thanks a lot!"

Hi hi, love! ❤Thank you so much for the request! I hope you didn't have to wait too long!😱🙈 Hehe, I hope you enjoy and I hope you have the best day! ❤🔥🌻

I match you with............. Shingen

The first time you meet this hunk of a man, was when Yuki had saved your life. You had jumped away from Yuki when you realized just how close you were to him, only to fall back into the arms of yet another man. He was handsome and as big as a bear. His honeyed brown eyes seemed to stare into the depths of your soul, and his charming smile was enough to make your shy blush spread to the tips of your ears. Thank goodness for Sasuke speaking up, and pulling you aside to tell you just what had happened to you that night. You felt Shingen’s gaze on you as you talked to Sasuke and you couldn’t help but feel super embarrassed. Shingen for one couldn’t look away from you, there was just something about you. He found the clothes you were wearing most unusual, and he felt this overwhelming need to get to know you a bit better. Before he could finish that thought, the sound of hooves came descending upon them, as the One-eyed dragon had come to retrieve the saviour of their lord’s life. He scooped you up without a second thought and plonked you down on his horse. You looked back only to see Sasuke and the rest of his companions gone without a trace.

You now stood before Nobunaga in the audience hall, as he insisted on rewarding you for saving his life. He named you as Oda princess, but you were not satisfied with that. You believed in earning your keep, and if you were to stay in the castle, you were going to at least work for the things you got in life. This belief prompted you to speak up and request a job, Nobunaga simply smirked at you, “Very well then, I shall then name you as, the princess chatelaine.” You gave him a small nod in satisfaction, and so your new life has begun.

You worked incredibly hard, and you did all your tasks diligently, going up and beyond what was assigned to you. You kept mainly to yourself, as you found it most difficult to open up to the people around you because you were so shy. The price for working so hard, unfortunately, was that you started to burn out quickly, something which the mother hen of the castle quickly took notice of. He came to your room that evening and apologized for suspecting you of being a spy. He then handed you a hefty bag of coins and told you that you had the next day off. And that the only task you had to complete was, to go to the markets and not come back until you have treated yourself to something nice, for all your hard work.

You wandered around the markets aimlessly, when your stomach gave off a big growl. You then followed the scent of freshly baked bread to an incredibly packed teahouse. You looked around for an open seat when all of a sudden, a familiar face flagged you down, “The seat beside me is open my angel.” You couldn’t help but blush slightly at that comment, he definitely was a major flirt, that’s for sure. You ordered some tea and sweet buns and sat in silence nibbling on them. The man beside you seemed to have taken a big liking to you, as he was now talking non-stop to you, spewing out the cheesiest of pick up lines. Honestly, you couldn’t help but laugh at a few of them, and wonder if they had actually worked for him in picking up women. You simply responded to him by giving him a few head nods and shy smile, although you smiled more at the fact that in your head you were giving him the most hilariously sarcastic comebacks. But alas you were way too shy to actually say any of them out loud.

As the day progressed, you noticed that the teahouse had started emptying out and soon you and the gorgeous man were the only ones left, at this point you had actually slowly started dropping your guard. You now responded to him with a few words, which brought the most radiant smile to his face. By the end of the day, the two of you parted ways, he walked you back to the main road and bid you farewell with a very flirty kiss on the knuckles. You couldn’t help but think of the mysterious flirt on your walk back home, and if you would ever meet him again.

As if the universe heard your thoughts, the very next day you had run into Shingen, and then the day after that, and then believe it or not every time you stepped your foot into the market place, sure as rain Shingen was there, “I see the universe has answered my prayers and yet again graced me with the blessings of being able to see my goddess.”

From all your run-ins with Shingen you slowly but surely started to open up more and more. He was definitely a stubborn and persistent man, and with enough nudging, he finally got to see your real personality shine through. The two of you had made it somewhat an unspoken tradition that, whenever you would run into each other, you would go to your favourite tea house and share some sweet buns. Through all the time spent together, Shingen couldn’t help but fall in love with you. Underneath that shy exterior, he found an incredibly excitable, cheerful, and talkative angel. He loved how excited you would get over the smallest things, and he lived to see that bright smile grace your lips. He would often opt to surprise you with small gifts just to see that excited glint in your eyes.

What Shingen also really loved about you was that there were just so many layers to your personality. Not only were you super excitable and cheerful, but he loved how laid back you were. So imagine his surprise when he got to see yet another side of you, your sarcastic straight forward side.

The two of you were enjoying a pleasant stroll through the countryside when you heard screaming and shouting. Both of you looked at each other and then slowly made your way towards the commotion. You came across a group of men terrorizing one of Mitsunari’s vassals. You knew this man was slightly more feminine, and like Mitsunari, he was incredibly smart. The men were jealous of the fact that he had raised through the ranks so quickly. You stormed your way up to the group and stood in front of the man protectively. The men had recognized you as the Oda princess and continued to insult the poor man behind you. You were honestly getting super annoyed, so you started spewing out your own sarcastic comments. Shingen had to chuckle, as he loved seeing new sides of his beloved goddess, but the second those men drew their swords intending to cut you and Mitsunari’s vassal down, he knew he had to intervene. By the end of it, you and Shingen had saved the poor vassal and taught the other men a lesson in manners they will never forget.

The two of you were now standing in the middle of the main road, and both of you knew it was time to part. You honestly didn’t want to go back to the castle yet, as you loved spending time with Singen. You weren’t ready to part just yet. One thing you loved about Shingen was his ability to almost read you every thought, probably cause your expressive face just gave it all away. Shingen wordlessly cupped your cheeks and leaned in close to your face, “Run away with me, my love, I need to return home soon, and I can’t stand the thought of being away from my angel.” Shingen knew you were basically a tsundere, so no words were needed to know what you were feeling. He simply smiled back at you and kissed you. That kiss had conveyed so much emotion of untold feelings and love. Shingen then smiled a bright smile at you and booped your nose, “I will see you tomorrow, my sweet goddess.”

You walked back to the castle as red as a beet, but you were on cloud nine. You had long ago fallen for Shingen and to have found out that the feelings were mutual made you so happy. You then started to construct a plan to get your bothers’ permission to allow you to go with Shinegn to Kasugayama.

The two of you were now in Kasugayama Castle, starting your new life together. It took some convincing to get the Oda forces to let you go, but in the end, they all agreed that your happiness was the most important.

Shingen loved and adored you, from your kind caring personality to your bouts of sarcasm and dark jokes. He loved how strong and patient you were, always standing up for your beliefs no matter what. He especially loved your childish quirks and the cute way you would express yourself.

He vowed to spend the rest of his life loving and adoring you. He would shower you in affection and love from the moment you woke up to the moment you went to bed.

Often you could be found trapped in his warm, strong arms, cheerfully talking his ears off. Be warned this sneaky tiger will definitely shower you with kisses every moment he can get. If the two of you aren’t together sipping tea in the garden. You are snuggled up in Shingen’s arms, as the two of you spend the whole day just lazing around the castle enjoying each other presence.

Other potential matches.......... Hideyoshi

I hope you enjoyed this love and I hope you have a good day! ❤❤🔥

#ikesen matchup #match ups #matches #matchups #ikesen shingen #ikemen shingen #shingen takeda #shingen matchup

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im-a-goner-foryou · 5 years

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Sorry guys, I haven't been in the mood to write (or do anything really) these past few days, but i promise once i do i'll make up for it ♡ In the meantime an anon asked for this old mafia boss! Tony drabble that got lost in the snap, so here's the repost:

"Where is he?" the man snarls, rumbling bellow of rage resounding throughout the room, masking even the deafening slam of the door thrown against its hinges. Striding up to one of his men, the mafia boss fists harshly at the quivering fool's collar, murderous eyes burning into deathly frightened ones. God, what a coward-- with the sparks of anger alive in his blood, Tony has to resist the overwhelming urge to swing his fist into the guy's nose just for the fun of it, he's so goddamn pissed. Fortunately for the man however, he has something far more urgent to tend to at the moment. "Where's the fucking brat? Where is he?"

Evidently too terrified to even speak, his mobster points over to the large oak table at the far corner of the room; and sure enough that's where little minx lounges, at the very head of the table and sprawled on Tony's chair no less, in a tangled mess of gangly limbs. Gritting his teeth so forcefully Tony hears it in his ears, he shoves the man away from him; stalks over to the unknowing boy in steady strides across the room, his men scurrying out of the way for fear of facing the wrath of the Mafia Boss and his notorious outbursts of anger. And yet, the very prey he corners now still remains unwary-- the sole low-hanging lamp above the table shines dimly onto the seated figure, yellow hue spilling over those long bare legs, propped up ever so casually on the table; attached to Peter, who's tapping away at his phone and looking, for all intents an purposes, wrecked. The tight-fitting clothes he always dons rumpled beyond recognition and clearly had been torn off his body; normally porcelain pale skin now littered with bruises unmistakable of teeth marks and finger imprints.

"You fucking whore," Tony spits, fury boiling in his veins and making his limbs tremor as he advances upon the boy, reaching down to grab at a skinny wrist and twist it cruelly. Startling with surprise, Peter nearly drops the little device in his hand; then seemingly collects his bearings not a second after, tensed muscles loosening as he glances up almost boredly up at the older man. There's a piece of candy in his mouth, Tony realises only now-- Peter rolls the translucent pink ball around his tongue, sliding it halfway out between those plump, slick lips of his.

"Hi daddy," Peter says mildly in greeting, voice lilted naturally sweet and marginally raspier than usual. Tony's grip on his wrist tightens even harder; relishing darkly at the wince of pain this draws from the boy.

"Don't you dare 'hi daddy' me," Tony hisses. "You don't get to say that after what you did earlier, you fucking brat."

"I don't know what you're talking about," is the reply, delivered softly and laced with innocence that could almost be believable if Tony hadn't known any better, hadn't dealt with his boy's antics for this long.

"Is that so? Because from what I've heard you sure knew what you were doing in that back alley just hours ago-- especially when you humped Mr Strange like a horny little bitch in heat," the older man spits hatefully, fit of rage threatening to overtake him yet again just from saying those words. "The moans you made were so loud, know that? So desperate and shrill my men thought a cheap harlot was being fucked there; but no, it was just you, though I wouldn't say there's much of a difference."

Even the well practiced mask of impassivity on Peter's face wavers at those humiliatingly stinging words, slipping away as the boy's face flushes with obvious mortification; the very tips of his ears burning red, he glares down wordlessly at the concrete floor. "What's wrong? Little slut can't even defend himself now, huh?" Tony chuckles cruelly. "Just as I had thought... you're nothing more than a pitiable fuck, constantly begging for something to fill that greedy hole of yours."

That strikes a nerve in Peter; he sets his jaw, chin raising in palpable defiance as he fires back, "Yeah? Maybe I was just tired of you not giving me what I need. At least Stephen knows how to fuck me right-- he satisfied me more than you ever have."

The whole room falls silent. Tony inhales sharply, livid anger boiling in his veins; tense apprehension hangs heavy in the air, even his men seemingly frozen with dread of what was about to happen next. Peter, to his credit, appears to quicky realise his mistake-- the challenge lit in his eyes melting away to dawning horror, regretful fright flashing across his paled features as he fully internalizes the words he had spoken to the dangerously unpredictable man. "I--"

Tony doesn't give him the chance to finish, hand diving into his side pocket of his slacks even as his vision turns red. Curling his fingers around the familiar smooth metal that is the handle of his hand gun, he slides it out and points it straight at Peter in one fluid movement. Glassy brown eyes widen with panic; all other emotions on the boy's face blanching to one of distinct fear as he flinches away from the aimed weapon.

"Now now, you're just hurting your old man's feelings... what am I going to do with you?" Sighing heavily, Tony tuts condescendingly down at the trembling boy, pursing his lips as though in deep thought. "'Cause we both know that what you said isn't true, don't we? I would say that all those times I fucked you so hard you were a sobbing, incoherent mess is more than enough evidence for just how much I can satisfy a bratty slut." The Mob Boss slides the tip of gun across Peter's quivering bottom lip, traces along red-rimmed eyes up to brush away the curled tendril of sweat matted hair almost lovingly. Peter shivers fearfully under him the whole time; breaths falling erratically from his parted mouth. "Look at me," Tony grits out, nudging his gun threateningly against the boy's forehead-- when his command is blatantly ignored, Tony feels the last frays of self-control snapping, torrent of anger surging forth.

The room reverberates with the sharp ringing from the barrel of Tony's gun colliding across Peter's cheek, slapping him so violently the boy cries out in pain. "I said, look at me when I'm fucking talking to you, bitch," the older man spits coldly, simmering anger giving way to the perverse feeling of pleasure rushing through his body as he stares down at the boy's cheek, the blooming mark of crimson red the unforgiving metal had left behind stark against the pale skin there. Finally the brat listens, he observes with satisfaction--peering up at him through tear-clumped lashes, Peter's hunched shoulders now tremble with sobs; regardless he obeys, honey-sweet eyes blinking away shining tears-- he should have known a little rough treatment was all the brat needed all along.

"You're very pretty when you cry, you know that?" Tony purrs softly. "I could never get tired of those huge doe eyes of yours, so sweet for me when you want to be..." Sliding the gun down tear-streaked cheeks to hook under and lift Peter's chin, he examines the boy's angelic face with a dark, hungry gaze. "But just being my little slut doesn't mean I can allow such naughty behavior, princess. You know daddy doesn't like it when you disobey him."

"I-I know, 'm sorry," Peter whimpers, sniffling ever so sweetly; Tony watches a falling teardrop with sick fascination, the beginnings of arousal stirring deep in him at the sight. "I'm sorry daddy, I, I promise I'll never do it again-- just, please," the boy's face crumples, bottom lip wobbling as though to stifle a sob.

"Oh, of course not. I bet you wouldn't," the Mafia Boss coos. "After all, this is just what you've wanted all along isn't it? Daddy wasn't paying enough attention to his princess. Well, you've certainly got it now." With that, he cocks the barrel of his gun-- pushes the tip of it into Peter's mouth, forcing those obscenely plush pink lips open and gagging the boy's cry. "Shh, it's okay. You can't expect me not to punish you after that stunt you pulled and all that bratty attitude, do you baby? You know what they say, give a whore too much freedom and they forget their place."

Peter stares up at him, fear etched clearly onto his face; his chest rises and falls in staccato with hitched breaths, drool beginning to dribble past his stretched lips and coating the metal. Tony slides his gun deeper into his baby boy's small mouth, pulls it out wetly; fabricating a thrusting motion. "All this, just because you needed daddy to fuck you. Could have saved both of us to trouble if you just asked me, princess-- I'd have ruined you the way you wanted." Lips splitting into an almost wolfish grin, the man finally removes his now spit-slick gun fully from Peter's mouth. "Now, let's go to my room, hmm? I'll make you obey your daddy."

With that, Tony straightens and turns to stride towards his office; not having to look back to be sure Peter is hot on his heels-- free hand moving to unbuckle his belt as he prepares to teach his baby brat a lesson he won't forget.

#starker #peter x tony #drabble #my writing #old post #repost #family unfriendly #dirty talk #degradation sorta #mafia boss! tony #au #tw gun violence

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artificialqueens · 7 years

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But I'm A Cheerleader! - Chapter 15 (Aja x Farrah) - Millie

A/N: fortunately we were blessed with real-life Farraja this week, sorry just about to have a fangirl moment here!! Someone please message me so we can freak out together lmao (shameless plug for @artificialmillie) And apologies for the slightly short and messy chapter, I’ve been hounded with work all week -_-

“She’ll come around, okay?” Sasha reassured Aja through the phone. “Maybe it’s just hard for her to take in.”

Aja collapsed onto her bed, exhausted from crying. Her mother had desperately tried to comfort her, but Aja couldn’t bear to see her share the grief. Certain situations were reserved for your best friends just by default.

“Yeah, maybe next century,” she replied.

“She’s supposed to be one of your best friends,” Sasha said. “Try talking to her alone and calmly, and I’m sure she’ll understand.”

“No,” she said pointedly. “I don’t want to right now.”

“Well, what are you gonna do?” Sasha asked, and Aja knew that “I’ll continue moping, thanks” probably wasn’t the right answer.

“I don’t know,” she huffed. “Sleep it off?”

“Not a bad idea, actually,” Sasha said. “Go to sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight.” She hung up and threw her phone to the end of her bed in a burst of anger, proceeding to pull herself up and turn off the light. She retrieved her phone and got under her covers, too enraged to even think about sleep.

Farrah How did it go? Aja’s tense muscles relaxed, and a weak smile appeared on her face, despite her current emotions.

Aja Absolutely shit. And you?

Farrah Not bad, I guess. And what happened? :(

Aja Everyone - I think - was alright with it apart from Alexis. She was so pissed.

Farrah At least most of them were okay?

Aja But she’s supposed to be one of my best friends. And her reacting like this makes it feel like I have no support.

Aja could feel herself tearing up again, and she bit down on her bottom lip.

Farrah Call me.

Neglecting her worries of sounding like a blabbering mess, she rang Farrah, who picked up before the first ring had even sounded.

“Talk to me,” she demanded. “Get it all out.”

Aja had never been so grateful to hear that girl’s voice. Immediately, she began to rant, letting her fury loose and setting it on her listener. Farrah was silent, bar when she filled in the gaps with “mhmm” and “I agree”. Aja had soon burst into floods of tears again, the anger she felt growing ever stronger.

“So, yeah,” she finished with a sniff. “That’s the story of my disaster evening. How was yours?”

“They took it okay,” Farrah said. “They didn’t jump up and scream with joy, but they didn’t act like your friends.”

“At least we’ve got one group on our side.” Aja let out a sigh.

“God, I hate seeing you upset,” Farrah said. “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

“Just you being here helps,” Aja croaked. “I just wish you were actually here.”

“Come over,” she said jokingly.

“Can I actually?” Aja asked, trying and failing to hide the sheer hope in her voice. She couldn’t stand to be alone right now.

“I mean, sure,” Farrah said. “If that’s alright with your mom.”

“It’ll have to be.” Although the warmth of her bed was tugging her back, Aja pushed herself out of it, nothing but the thought of a bountiful hug from Farrah keeping her moving. 9pm wasn’t a ridiculous time to go to someone’s house, right?

“Don’t cry; don’t cry; don’t cry,” Farrah insisted, taking Aja into her arms as soon as she stepped through the door. Farrah’s mom was already prepared in the kitchen with mugs of mint tea for them both, a warm smile accompanying them. Aja managed to hold in her tears this time.

“Aja, sweetie, are you okay?” her mom cooed, peering round the kitchen door.

Farrah pulled away and rested her hand on Aja’s lower back.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be alright,” she said, forcing a smile. “Thanks for letting me come over.”

“It’s no problem,” she said, bringing the two cups to the girls in the hallway. “If you need anything, just shout.” She retreated back to the kitchen, and Aja was grateful to be left alone with her friend.

She took a long sip of her tea, while Farrah looked at her with forlorn. “Do you want to go upstairs?” she asked, and Aja nodded in response.

Farrah was that one person who had snacks in her room at all times, which she offered to the upset girl gratuitously. They both squeezed onto Farrah’s single bed, curling up together and surrounding themselves with snacks. Farrah wrapped a caring arm around Aja, and pulled her into a secure hug.

“So,” she began, “what do you want to do? We have all the snacks we could ever need; will that cheer you up?”

Aja chuckled weakly. “I don’t know what I want to do,” she said, absently tugging at the hem of her cheer t-shirt. Taking it off once she’d got home had been the last thing on her mind. “I’m just… angry.”

“I’m not surprised.” She squeezed Aja close to her. “What do you think practice will be like tomorrow?”

Aja’s stomach sank. “Ugh, I don’t even want to think about that,” she groaned. “I bet everyone will be watching us, especially Alexis so she can find some other reason to hate us.” She clenched her fists, her fingernails digging aggressively into the palms of her hands.

“Whoa, whoa, chill,” Farrah said. “She doesn’t hate us. She doesn’t hate you.”

“It sure feels like it.” Her voice cracked.

Farrah pulled her closer - if that was even possible - and gently kissed the top of her head. Aja almost froze and tensed up at the unexpected action, but quickly relaxed into her touch. It was calming to just lay there in her arms, everything silent and unmoving, with her posture bordering on protective. She wanted to reach out and grab some candy from Farrah’s collection of snacks, but wouldn’t dare break the embrace. Aja wondered if she’d always liked Farrah’s hugs this much.

At some point that evening, Aja had begun to drift off into a calm sleep. It seemed that Farrah didn’t have the heart to push her out of the bed, let alone her house, and so they both had to make do with the small space they had; normally when one slept over, they’d be in separate beds, and this was their first time together.

“Are you comfy?” Farrah asked Aja, whose eyes were already fluttering shut. She climbed into her bed and shuffled up closer to her in fear of falling out of it.

Aja gave a small, slow nod, and mindlessly tugged on Farrah’s t-shirt to pull her towards her. Farrah obliged and wrapped her arm around her before switching off the lamp beside her. The dark had an immediate effect on their energy, and both were now far too tired to talk. The last thing Aja remembered as they fell asleep was Farrah’s breath tinged with the smell of mint, and the lack of space between them. And in that moment, she asked herself if it was possible to be so angry yet so at peace at the same time.

Aja woke up the next morning to the feeling of Farrah slipping out of bed. Of course, she’d woken up at her usual earlier time and was already getting ready while Aja stayed curled up under her covers.

She briefly opened her eyes and noticed that Farrah had neglected to switch on the light, which she was grateful for. Over by the wardrobe on the other side of the room was Farrah, quickly flicking through her clothes until she found something she liked. Once she’d picked something out, she dropped it to the ground and lifted her current t-shirt off and over her shoulders, exposing her tan skin. Aja was mesmerised for a moment as she watched her slowly remove the shirt, chucking it to the floor and revealing a black, lace bra. She stared for a second before she realised what she was doing and then quickly rolled back over, embarrassed and blushing profusely.

Farrah’s head snapped towards her direction. “Good morning, sleepyhead,” she teased.

Aja stretched to pretend she’d only just woken up. “Morning,” she said.

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

She turned over again, and Farrah had a shirt on. She stood resting on one leg, her expression showing concern.

“Better than yesterday, I guess,” she said. “Do you have anything I can wear today?”

Farrah didn’t look convinced, but decided to move on with the subject change. She forked through her clothes and paused when she came to a sweater. She took it off the hanger and presented it.

“This is yours, actually,” she said, looking down. “The one you let me borrow. I’ve got the jeans, too. I’ve been meaning to give them back.”

Aja’s eyes widened - she’d completely forgot about them. “Oh, that’s great,” she said. She pushed herself up and out of Farrah’s bed and grabbed the clothes. “I’ll go and get changed.”

Aja felt oddly awkward, but she couldn’t shake the feeling why. Maybe it was the fact she’d shared a bed with Farrah for the first time, or maybe because she’d - and she hated to admit it - unapologetically watched her get changed. She’d never thought of Farrah in that way before, and in all honesty, she didn’t want to. They were friends, and that was it; if anything went further than that then she’d risk their entire friendship.

Sighing, she made her way to the bathroom to get changed. Her sweater now smelt of Farrah’s perfume, but it wasn’t overwhelming like she thought it would be. The sweet scent of roses with Aja’s current worries circling through her head just made her question more, although no query she had was distinguishable amongst the crowd. Maybe she had enjoyed her company last night just as much as she’d done previously; maybe she had felt that kind of peace within her before; or perhaps she was just grateful for Farrah being there when she needed it most, just like Sasha had been. But what if what she was feeling now was something entirely different? God, was she confused as hell.

#but i'm a cheerleader #millie #farraja #aja #farrah moan #rpdr fanfiction #cheerleader au #lesbian au

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