#I'm never doing a coming out story again

[ftmerriweather]

Beela hasn't come out to their whole group yet. My previous draft had someone telling them "you're the girl" for a job.

Deciding to keep that because they'd hate it and I get to show Beela being cagey from someone else's POV

(We need to antagonize them about this or they'll never finish coming out. It's for the plot, I swear)

#writeblr #writing #merriweather's diary days #beela baby #I'm never doing a coming out story again #this is such a hassle #Like it'll be worth it #but dear lord

[elytrafemme]

and obviously this is by far the least important part of ANY of this, but i'm going to pretty strongly dissociate myself from anything relating to that smp-- mostly for my own mental health (again, not to center myself here). as for CS, i would like to continue it, though obviously the disclaimers again will be heavy. it is a story i wrote to cope with abuse, and if fanworks like that are called to be stopped then i will obviously rethink things. but i will give it a lot of time to figure out how to meaningfully create something from a piece of media created by unfathomably shitty people, and i'd like to be able to continue writing for the message that CS was set to convey.

again, this is not the focus of the conversation, but i just wanted to say that since i am online for once and i figure i may get an ask or two about it.

#nightmare.personal #nightmare.cough-syrup #as an update for folks since i do typically discuss my own personal life on this blog #i'm currently in the stages of questioning whether or not i have CPTSD #and after a few conversations occurring the last couple of months i've been keenly in touch with the various- #-abusive relationships/situations i've had in my life that i did not ever recognize consciously. #people seem to be handling this situation far better than past occurrences in this general sphere. #but i cannot emphasize enough how fucking difficult it is to speak out about these things. #those in my life were very selective about what abuse they let be shown publicly versus what i could never speak about #and i again am so in awe of shubble's strength in acknowledging something like this given how public of a figure her abuser is. #i hope he rots and i hope she heals. that's about where i'm at as i hope everyone is. #(and also if i post a bit about my mental health in coming days note that that is not an attempt to detract from- #-another victim's story. i want to make it very clear that while there are parallels in stories of abuse- #every abuse victim's story is theirs and is not to be trivialized or collapsed in any broader way.)

[fleshdyke]

hchkvgjvfj

#csa warning for tags #goddd being raped at 6ish and brutally bullied is a hell of a combination #i was the one kid in not only my grade but multiple above and below me as well that the boys would dare each other to 'ask out' #absolutely CONSTANTLY. like jesus #by the time i was raped i'd already been bullied pretty badly for a while. including being constantly told i was ugly by all the boys #which is like. a huge reason i was raped in the first place. i still dont know who it was but i can only assume he took advantage of me #being constantly bullied to abuse me. as child rapists so often do #but like i was always the one that would be 'asked out' as a dare bc why would any of them want to talk to me #it was so inconceivable that any of them could want to be near me let alone 'go out' with me. they didn't even bother trying to hide the way #they laughed. like they didn't try to hide it bc they knew no one would do anything #and this happening to me fucking constantly for years on end throughout my ENTIRE childhood. that fucks with you man #like i dont think its even possible for anyone to like being around me at all. let alone find me attractive #there's still never been a single person who's had a crush on me or whatever #like all my friends have stories about annoying boys having crushes on them when they were younger. and what does it say about me that im #the complete opposite. and like it's so stupid because who fucking cares what 10 year old boys thought in 2016 but it really really fucks #you up bad man. like if anyone ever does come to be attracted to me for whatever reason i dont think im ever going to be able to believe it #i'm always going to be waiting for the joke to end and them to start laughing. i'll always be waiting for the other shoe to drop #and the worst part of it all is that i fucking want to be raped again #being raped as a little kid is the only time anyone has ever wanted me. it's the only time i've ever been desired. and i dont even like sex #but it's just the only time anyone has ever loved me in a non parental way #like i have one crush story to all my friends'. and it was a grown man that raped me when i was little #and i want to be raped again so fucking badly not because i would enjoy it but because it would prove that someone actually fucking wants me #i want to be sexually harassed and not in the way i usually am. i want to be catcalled and have to be scared walking around alone #i want men to grope me and say disgusting things and rape me because then i would finally be fucking wanted #it would prove that i'm actually likeable in some capacity. that i still am #im so scared that now that im grown im just a lost cause. because i was only desirable when i was little. now im just nothing #and i know i shouldnt even care but its so fucking hard to shake. i just want someone to love me #and i love my mom so much but i want them to love me because they want to and not because they have to #rambles #vent

[mymarifae]

after all this time i still can't predict how mayor holiday will be characterized

because like. i feel like all the fanon versions of her where she's stoic and serious and gruff are like... not right?? queen is supposed to reflect her. right. like that much is painfully obvious

... none of those adjectives apply to queen????? now ofc she could be mayor holiday's total opposite to highlight the differences in their approach to mothering noelle - i'm not discounting that or anything because i literally do not know. it's just that's not necessarily the vibe i got

queen is cheerful and silly but very pushy. very demanding. she expects a lot and doubles down and really puts on the pressure when people don't meet those expectations. all with a smile! like. i feel like the fandom saw rudy say noelle's mom is hard on her and saw the thing about her keeping her office frigid cold and automatically assumed she's a cold person who only knows how to frown

you don't have to be stoic to be a strict parent. you can be all smiles and be more demanding and controlling than the gruffest most stone-faced parent in the world. and like... we saw that when it comes down to it, queen is more than capable of dropping the silly antics and jokes and she can and will get serious. she doesn't need cages or control plugs or an army or anything but herself and a few well-placed threats. which reminds me of when alphys said hometown's cops (ugh) don't really do anything because mayor holiday takes care of it all.

i think... maybe. she used to be a little less strict and a little more genuinely lighthearted. but after dess disappears, she drops that lightheartedness. she gets really, really serious about turning hometown into a safe place and making sure noelle is strong enough to like. Survive.

but she does it all... with a smile! after all, every politician's got to have a dazzling fake grin, right?

#and you know after seeing mafuyu's mom come to life. stoic serious gruff mayor holiday is Nothing #it's easy to tune out your parent's expectations if they're a bitch about it. but if they're 'nice' and 'gentle' #and they insist it's what's best for you... and they never seem to give you a choice or room to say no because why would you? this is best. #that's where things get to the point of haunting. looming over your shoulder. suffocating your will to live and replacing it with theirs #not that i think mayor holiday will be abusive or anywhere near as manipulative as mafuyu's mom but like #the first thing you think of when you hear 'she keeps her ac on all the time so her office is freezing' is like. #again. that gruff stoic serious harsh character. that's not very interesting #flip it on its head. show me a mayor holiday with the brightest smile sitting in that freezing cold office. THAT sends chills down my spine #also off topic but thinking about noelle and the holidays in general again made me start thinking about the damn dog burglars again #i am STUCK on their story about the beast who attacked them outside the mansion. like what the fuck? WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT TOBY? #it wasn't susie. it probably wasn't mayor holiday herself. what was it. was it dess?? does it have something to do with THAT mystery?!?!? #if the next deltarune chapters don't elaborate on that at all i'm setting myself on fire

[judicent]

Yeah, I did fill 4 sketchbooks in 4 months so far this year. Huh? Am I gonna post even an ounce of it? Well, you see, I am allergic to my phone, so you will have to come CATCH ME

#da #nooo but I am so saddd it's so much easier to show stuff off irl 😭 #if it could look even halfway decent I've considered doing flip throughs of sketchbooks on video #except I draw in pencil and cameras hate that and want me to explode #idk it is truly just better to somehow gain access to my terrible trove of sketchbooks #no but man that sounds like such an ideal hang out. get all my oc lore by sitting on my floor with me as we go through the archives #gosh I should count how many I've filled up at this point #I love that the number increases exponentially as the years go on #like I think 2018 began the precedent of 4 a year minimum which was kinda wild #another ridiculous difficult project I have given a lot of thought to: combing through every sketchbook and either redrawing #or printing off important story related bits and compiling them all into a convenient binder. maybe binding them into a book. #anyway it's pretty much all a drag no matter how you slice it #come to my HOUSE and look at my CREATURES #u don't know this bc I've learned to be silly sneaky but I have stayed up wayyyy too late AGAIN #but I've scheduled this to post at a normal time so you'll never know. unless you read the tags. but that's its own punishment isn't it #hey bonus enticement to look at my boo stuff that doesn't get on the blog. there's smut. and you KNOW I'm a coward who shan't ever post that #actually we'll be lucky if I'm not the same coward in real life too #it's only Dick and Vinny. they get rights. i don't care if anyone else has sex. I don't care if I have sex. #the one song I hope I don't have sex. I hope we both don't have sex. that's actually Vinny though. #I'm more sex favorable and sex positive than he could ever be #y'know this is a very 4am convo to have and actually how prepared am I for this to live in a pm afternoon time #welp. maybe I should stop being addicted to tags and letting loose all my secrets #I shan't grow I shan't do better and I shan't ever change. this is the da promise <3

[keeps-ache]

today! on the agenda we have [tears paper away to reveal the single word 'do'] ...

#just me hi #today on the agenda i've added the words 'draw' and 'make valiant efforts' so >:3👍 #//vv has sent me an ask and the sketching. oo it's sketching alright hfhs #am i going to make full character designs for these? probably i have no control in that aspect Hbfhvsfjs #if there is ONE thing i can consistently go all the way with it's character design. i literally could not tell you why that is lmao :3 #there are nights where i design whole casts of characters and then Forget About Them ?????? like dude. why did we do all that hbfvh #really i made a cast of like 10 characters one night they all had their signature colours clothes jobs hobbies dislikes and personal #relationships and then i......... never thought about them again hhhfhsh #[holds them up like a wet cat] does anybody want a strange half-baked story with a cast of about 12 people who are all clones of one guy #who's trying to kill them. cuz man hfhsh #//anyway all the sidings from that i think i'm coming out of the Saute Mode #what's Saute Mode? well you see it's when i've already taken out the ready-made good stuff in my brain and now i need to put in new #ingredients and let them get hot and ready again. Saute Mode :3 #sure it might just be artblock but i think i need an artbreak sometimes so loll #plus Saute Mode means i get to play viddy games without feeling guilty so YAY :33 #but Saute Mode does Also mean i sort of don't. talk to anybody out of my own volition HH #it's the side of the coinage. you understand hfbvhs #//annnnnnywhoodle back to my sketching :>> #posing my wretched beloved.. you are strange and impossible to understand hbvhfs #/:3 toodles !

[trashbaget]

#wrote a fucking poem #because a bitch is fucking feeling things #cue venting in the tags because this is where i'm feeling comfortable to do it right now #a while back i caught the love bug for a friend and tbFCKNh it was the very second time i'd ever actually fallen In Love with someone and.. #the first time it didn't end well. long story short: i asked him out and he turned me down but we stayed friends and it actually made us.. #grow closer regardless. a little while later i'd realized my feelings were Different and it just came out one night when we were having a.. #really deep conversation. and i'm glad i told him because it helped me get over him and we got better and things weren't weird at all. we.. #stayed really good fucking friends. now i didn't get to see him for a summer and i definitely don't have feelings for him anymore and i'm.. #sincerely happy for him and his now partner. i consider him (and always have) my best friend. (among others but he's definitely Up There.. #like no. 2 probably) but way too soon after Talking was summer and we were both farthest from everybody and are both the kind of ppl who.. #pretty much don't text anyone except like 2 ppl and we are not one of each's 2. today i got to see him and a bunch of our friends for the.. #first time since fucking april and god have i missed them all. but seeing him again kinda fucked me up a second. threw me for a massive loop #i got Weird (neg) and i was NERVOUS as HELL at the start and for a few minutes i couldn't figure out what it even WAS because i hadn't felt. #that way in a long time. and i am not about to catch those feelings for him again because No. i chilled out after like 3 minutes bc i got.. #reacclimated to being around ppl My Damn Age again and things weren't Weird (neg) anymore. we talked we joked we sincerely said our I Miss.. #Yous and we hung out. with everyone and alone for a bit because ppl had gone out and come back and it was FINE it was NORMAL () and we.. #were GOOD. we ARE good. and i don't love him in that way anymore. i love him as a friend. and that love is definitely more intense than with #other friends because we have a deeper bond and yes because i Loved him. but the fact is i don't and it's ANNOYING to react like i still do. #and getting nervous like i still do. and i kept worrying that something i'd do might make it seem like i do and i don't and just UGH having. #feelings is annoying. i've never been able to stay friends with someone after having feelings for them at all let alone INTENSE IN LOVE FEEL #INGS!! like wtf!!! and this is sincerely one of the best friendships i've ever had and i don't want to and Won't. lose him especially for.. #this but god DAMN am i not having it right now. and my head's been spinning like a fucking tornado in the 5min ride home and i accidentally. #wrote it out in a poem because the words wouldn't go anywhere when i just tried to brain dump about it because Of Course They Did. because i #can't think about this man in anyway except poetically and i can't write a poem unless it's about love in some degree and just UGH love is #and i'm gonna leave it there because i'm running risk of repeatin myself. #if you read all this i positively adore you and also you need to touch some grass bc reading the vents of internet dwellers is for suckers #i am just kidding i really do sincerely appreciate you and love you very very much thank you for caring #please ignore the following organizational tags: #writing #poetry

[sneakyfox55]

HI I'M NOT SURE WHEN I'LL EVEN BE ABLE TO DO THIS BUT

#PERSONALLY I FEEL LIKE I'D RATHER. DRAW IT OUT AS LIKE AN EXTRA TREAT (PUN MAYBE INTENDED) AND TO GET OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE >:DDD #BUT REALLY I'M CURIOUS ABOUT THIS TO SEE IF ANYONE'S INTERESTED #FOR CONTEXT IT'S SOMETHING I WANTED TO FIT IN THE MAIN STORY BUT IT JUST. NEVER HAPPENED #IT'S KIND OF A SILLY LITTLE THING IN RETROSPECT BUT IT KIND OF MADE MY HEART WEEP TO COME UP WITH DSHGDSJDGDHJSDHJS #AGAIN I'M NOT SURE WHEN I'D BE ABLE TO DO IT CAUSE I'M JUST. ALL OVER THE PLACE WITH THINGS BUT >:DDDDDDD

[sovonight]

,

#ohhhhhhh i really do dislike the tonal shift in bg2/tob so much........ and by that i mean mostly in xan's mod 😭 #i mean maybe the sense of betrayal and disappointment is immersive but it really leaves me with No idea what to do with him #in my version of radri's story. like. do i do my best even with all the parts i find ooc? do i cherry pick what i want and forget the rest? #and even after all my complaints i keep thinking back to his author. the fact that somehow this is the *intended* experience #currently feeling like the necromancer who resurrected their wife and is convinced she came back wrong but who just never truly knew her #i keep going back to 'estel'amin'. the fact that xan named charname his hope--and then quickly stopped using that name for her #once her bhaalspawn nature continued to affect her life after the conclusion of bg1 #so--basically--i'm to assume that he changed his mind? she's no longer his hope; his light; and if she is it's rare #he just calls her beautiful now; something far more shallow #and the fact that in tob he vacillates between subtly criticizing her for her nature which she has no control over #(and which in radri's case she has never even willingly given in to)-- #and attempting to comfort her after her nature makes bad things happen to her & around her #--but then his comfort is once again undermined by the aforementioned shallow compliments #it's coming across as 'i love your body despite what you are in spirit' and really isn't a great look at all #look maybe i'm crazy but in bg1 i got the impression that he was able to accept and move past it fairly quickly #like 'ok you're a bhaalspawn so now let's move into problem solving. obviously i have to quit my job and travel with you full time' #but in bg2 he spends most of his time lamenting about how hard it must be for her to live like this #while also pointing it out as a personal flaw of hers. as if she'd had any say in who her father was #like there are npcs literally shouting 'i hate all bhaalspawn!' and here he is--supposedly her closest supporter-- #also subtly saying 'i hate bhaalspawn' right to her face #when literally as a neutral alignment and as a companion of 1-2 years-- he should actually have THE most nuanced take on her??? #in bg1 he says murder is unavoidable in the life of an adventurer. then in tob he comments that charname kills everyone haphazardly-- #--as though in another jab to her nature. meanwhile as a constant companion he should know better than anyone that it wasn't so simple #idk. i'm almost feeling gaslighted by the narrative in a sense #because when everyone else talks about xan in bg2/tob--including charname via the dialogue options/written internal dialogue-- #they say that he's ~gray~ and calm and collected and emotionless etc #meanwhile he's literally the most emotional guy in the game. like. he's freaked out SO many times #so?? how am i supposed to take anything here genuinely?? how am i supposed to engage??? SIGH #anyway today's my first day at my new job and i have to wake up in 2 hours & im certain that i'll be too nervous to eat today #my goal for today is just to not be fired 👍 12 hours from now it will be over...

[welcometogrouchland]

Finished rewatching spiderverse

[ID: the Jonathan Van Ness "okay, it's totally fine. Why am I crying?" Meme. End ID]

#ramblings of a lunatic #EVERYONE SHUT UP I'M THINKING ABOUT MILES MORALES #specifically thinking abt how his inclusion in spiderman stories changed the comic landscape forever #AND THEN HIS MOVIE DID IT IN FUCKING ANIMATION TOO #DO YOU UNDERSTAND. THE POWER. THE INFLUENCE #HE IS THE MOMENT AND HE HAS BEEN SINCE THE 2010S #but for real i always forget how emotional the storyline of into the spiderverse makes me #it's like. i see this spark in you! it's a leap of faith! how do i know i wont mess up again! you don't! IT'S A LEAP OF FAITH #IT'S THE ENTIRE FUCKING FINAL CONFRONTATION. HOW IT'S EVERYTHING FOR MILES' CHARACTER #HE IS SO FUCKING SPECIAL TO ME #i never delved far into his comic runs bc I've never liked bendis as a writer and by the time his first non bedis run was coming out #i lost the hyperfixation on comics (tho never the special interest) #whenever it's next activated tho (bc I'm a fucking sleeper agent ig) i think I'll have to check it out. especially post spiderverse #it's too good for there not to be bleed back #anyway. my only gripe with the entirety of spiderverse is that while peni parker is funny they should've gone with her og character- #-as a fuckin. i believe it's an evangelion homage? bc it'd be funny if the cutesy anime girl was actually the most fucked up spiderperson #and they didn't go with that for the sake of cheaper more generic anime jokes. boo #still the best movie ever tho idk what to tell you #I'm crying!!!

[toasteaa]

Realizing I've been cranky because of a blood moon on the rise is making me so embarrassed like, WHY do I turn into a whiny and sad mess of toast every month and then FORGET that's why I get moody. Hiding in a hole for a week.

#toast talks #If you saw me being bitter about my art. Ignore it I was having a moment of weakness and self sabotaging #I love to draw I love to write I love to CREATE. I just get grumpy when I feel like I haven't been developing as much as I want #But then I have to remember I went two years without doing any major art and still struggle to get back on the path because work sucks #but I'm getting there! And looking at my improvements in designs does make me feel better about my art! #Like fuck I actually lined something! I never line anything! And I was able to make a fullbody! Which I never do because legs and feet SUCK #I'm making progress and my studies and asking questions and referencing and learning is paying off I just have to keep going #I have to keep going and not be nervous scared or intimidated when I DO post art because that's the only way I'll be able to grow #Anyways I'm obsessed with my art again I have three character designs in my brain that want to come out #Maybe I'll sketch some at work before I get off tonight... #But I've also got a new character concept rattling around in my head and FUCK I need to share my stories with yall I stg

[curiosity-killed]

the one nice thing about the annual scramble to figure out what to do for nano is revisiting works i haven't touched in a while and being like "wow i am so good at writing things tailored specifically to my tastes"

#there's literally like 5 paragraphs written in again./ren & avery's story and i'm still like oh no! fuck! this is going to hurt! #i don't even know what the plot is #meanwhile merjaan is just a troll??? bc her character came abt from me being like ''it would be funny if there was a youtuber who had like #catgirl persona but ppl could never figure out how they got their ears to be SO realistic + good' and the reason is because they're a shape #shifter'' #anyway i love her #i also. don't really know what the plot is #like i know what the superficial plot is but i am trying to piece together wtf happened with anais and sylvie bc i do not totally remember #anyway more to come #personal #nano23

[incorrect-koh-posts]

☮ - ൠ - ☠ - ♡ - Tiberias

P.S. I'm the anon who challenged you

Nonny - the audacity! First you challenge me and now you try to appease me by asking me to rant about my boy??? My supreme KoH husband??? Fie, fie! 😁

But I shall gladly comply, of course. Here you go, some (much-needed) headcanons for Uncle Tibs:

TIBERIAS

☮ Friendship

Since he isn't the most trusting person and has made more than a few enemies at court over the years, Tiberias has few actual friends. Among them, he counts for example his cousin Bohemond of Antioch and the Grand Master of the Hospitallers, Roger de Moulins. With his family members, things are a little trickier: Tiberias is too wary of Sibylla with her changing whims and fancies to actually consider her a friend, and though he certainly harboured a great fondness for Baldwin, his feelings towards the young king are better described as a mixture of fatherly affection and the guarded respect of a great lord for his sovereign.

Tiberias loved Godfrey like the brother he never had. They met during King Amalric's Egyptian wars, shortly after Godfrey first arrived in the Holy Land, and became fast friends while being cut off from the rest of the Frankish forces during a skirmish. Whether at court or in war, the Baron of Ibelin and the Count of Tripoli have fought side by side ever since; so, naturally, when he received word of Godfrey's death, Tiberias was devastated. Being the older and somewhat frailer one of the two, he'd always thought he would be the first of them to go. Without Godfrey's idealism, he fears the walls of Jerusalem will not stand ere long; he knows that his own more pragmatic nature and waning faith will hardly be able to keep them from crumbling, in the end.

What can be said for Tiberias, hence, is that he has few friends but generally good ones. Though he can come across as rather aloof and even dour, he does care deeply about the ones he holds dear and will help wherever he can. He is not the sort of man to give grand declarations about how much someone means to him or some such, but when Tiberias shows a person his teasing, humourous side beyond his usual tired sarcasm, this usually indicates that he likes them very well.

ൠ Random headcanon

One of Tiberias' chief insecurities is his crippled right leg - not so much out of vanity but because it makes him a less capable fighter. Even in his prime, his swordsmanship was never on par with Godfrey's, which, back then, didn't irk him much as it was still decent. But ever since he suffered a nasty fall from his horse in battle some seven years ago and broke his leg, with the bone not setting properly afterwards, Tiberias has been ashamed of his lack of skill with the sword. The bad leg does not only render him slower than he'd like, but also impacts his balance and makes him prone to stumbling. Not that he won't fight tooth and claw in battle - but the leg injury shows him more than anything that he is no lively young buck anymore, which is especially sobering since he likes to believe he has kept himself quite well, otherwise.

As he enjoys taking his horses out for rides or participating in hunts, Tiberias is glad he didn't lose the leg and is still able to spend a long time in the saddle without any major discomfort. Even though most days, the limp tends to look worse than it is, the old injury aches more than usual in the winter months when even Jerusalem turns into a cold and rainy place. During those times, Tiberias often becomes a little grouchier than normal, for he is not a man accustomed to having to take it slow for a few days. And seeing the younger knights practice with each other in the training yards of the palace with all the ladies watching, knowing full well he cannot hold a candle to them anymore, does not exactly help.

☠ Angry / Violent

Though he has a reputation for being impatient and somewhat ill-tempered, it takes a while to rile Tiberias up. As he is seldom in good spirits, the signs of true anger tend to be difficult to spot, at first, beneath his usual gruff tone of voice and the bitterness that creeps into his face all-too-often these days. Things begin to get critical, however, once you see a muscle twitch in his jaw and notice a sudden tautness about his shoulders. In that case, it is either high time to try and smoothe the waters, or to brace yourself for the scolding you are about to receive.

Tiberias makes for a rather intimidating sight when he is angry. Since he generally has the advantage of height, people often feel threatened by his towering over them; and being shouted and / or growled at by a scarred, sinewy man with a gravelly voice who looks like he could - and would - kill you if provoked, has led many a squire and nobleman to rapidly regret their choices in life.

But, as most of his closer acquaintances will tell you, Tiberias is firmly one of those old war dogs whose bark is worse than their bite. Shouting at someone, and perhaps grabbing them by the shoulders for emphasis, is about as violent as he gets. While he will do what is necessary depending on the situation, the Count of Tripoli is not the sort of knight to revel in brutality or the suffering of others at his hands. Particularly if it was an innocent person he snapped at, a friend, or someone else he is close to, he will most likely feel guilty afterwards and attempt - if somewhat awkwardly - to apologise. He has done a number of things in life that he is decidedly not proud of, weighing heavy on his conscience.

♡ Romance

If you were to ask him, Tiberias would probably answer that he is done with love. It has never been a prime concern for him - could not be, really, on account of all his years spent in Saracen captivity and as regent for Baldwin IV. And although he has had the odd entanglement here and there (aside from his rather cold marriage bed), it has rarely been anything particularly meaningful or long-lasting. Nowadays, he likes to tell himself that he's too old, too worn, too tired to play the coy games of courtly love only to eventually be disappointed; he asks himself if it would really be worth the effort to try again with someone, or if he wouldn't just end up making a fool of himself. But once he found someone worth pursuing, he'd soon discover that there is life in the old dog yet.

When it comes to romance, Tiberias is much like a dried-up well: one would have to dig deep to draw water again. The way I see it, he is definitely a slow-burn guy who enjoys the chase as much as the pounce. For all that he is not the sort to write someone poetry or bring them flowers, he still is more of a traditionalist in these matters and would likely want - or at least expect - to be the one to make the first move. Which might take a while to happen, as it would be important to him to get to know that person well before deciding they might well be worth the shame of being rejected. That said, Tiberias would probably fall for someone younger - not because of "young and beautiful" but because he'd want someone who is not as jaded and weary as he is, someone who would make him see the good in the world again. He'd enjoy being surprised by them and showing them new things; while he might be a bit overprotective and paternalistic at times, he'd nonetheless be willing to learn and try his best to make his partner feel both at ease and on footing equal to himself.

Also, if he had a lover, Tiberias would be touching them constantly. Not in a creepy way, but ... you know, a hand at their elbow or between their shoulder blades when they enter a room together. An arm loosely draped around their waist. Kisses to the top of their head, when they're alone. Having them sit in his lap. Since he has spent quite a few lonely years in his life, he'd likely appreciate the physical reassurance that there is someone by his side now who won't go away anytime soon; and, not being the type to say 'I love you' fifteen times a day, these little touches would probably his way of telling them how happy he is they're with him. So, if you are looking for a wry, clever knight to brush a prickly kiss to the back of your hand or gently stroke your hair, Tiberias is your man. (And would, of course, be overjoyed if his affections were returned.) He reserves the naughty stuff for a more intimate setting.

In a word: Yes, the old boy is cuddly, lol. And possibly a tad possessive.

Want to hear my headcanons for a KoH character of your choice? Have a look here!

#ask games #asks #kingdom of heaven 2005 #kingdom of heaven headcanons #headcanon meme #tiberias #raymond iii of tripoli #could it be me trying in vain to condense all of my complicated tiberias feelings in a single post?? NEVER #i've been writing this man for two years i could feed you random headcanons about him for the rest of your days #i'm once again sorry that this got so utterly out of control #i know nobody gets it #but i love my grumpy old boy #and i maintain that the fandom has been sleeping on tiberias and all the intriguing things you could do with him in a story #i mean ... the aNgST alone is delicious #thanks for coming to my ted talk

[spring-lxcked]

it's so so so important to me that william's motivation for his initial killings is just like. because he wants to. he's a serial killer, he doesn't have some deep emotional motivation. the discovery of remnant is just like. additional motivation beyond Enjoying Murder.

#—— ✧ ooc » #i fully understand people wanting him to have like. 'the thing that made him start killing' or whatever #but my will is just a serial killer like straight up he prob committed his first murder before his first business was even off the ground #and it was probably an adult who just. pissed him off enough when he'd already been Considering Trying Murder. #(because he's been considering it for many many years prior to killing) #i mentioned on his bio page that he might've not kept killing if not for discovering remnant and like #i mean do i think he'd NEVER kill again? prob not #but i think he seeks out thrills and grows bored if nothing special is coming of it #the murder might've been far and few between if he hadn't discovered remnant and possession and agony #and decided to Become A God #idk william fucks me up because he had potential to be like. idk has anyone else read da.n salva.to's short story? #the one that was sort of connected to DD.LC where the woman murders another woman for NO REASON except to just like #experience it? know what it's like to kill someone? #will's first kill vibes #i do imagine that post his 'death' his shit gets discovered and it just. keeps growing. #like. oh yeah he's The Killer surrounding the restaurants. but also if you go back death has followed him for awhile. #i'm shaking him around in a jar

[paradoxiii]

Growing up in the Midwest, hearing a tornado siren itself isn't really scary

But it does just have a tinge of spookiness to me for some reason?

And at the end of Charming Disaster's song "Power of the Sun" there's this vocalization that kinda reminds me of a tornado siren but as a spooky "oooOOOOOooo" and it never fails to haunt me when I listen to it.

#tmi #even though i'm a super anxious person there are few things that genuinely creep me out/haunt me when it comes to media #and i guess something that sounds like the wind but reminiscent of a tornado siren is one of them #one thing that does unsettle me is when a guy with zero consideration for other living beings fixates on a woman #ESPECIALLY if he's powerful (magically or socially). if he can ruin everything you know & love & make you feel like there's no way out it- #-just feels horrific. or even if he isn't powerful but terribly intelligent and/or determined. #idk why this in particular unsettles me it just does #it's why I have it so when Brim finds out about what Dr. Addy did she kinda freak out #she had no idea about his obsession with her. she had no idea he collected her dna & made a clone. #the implications of what else he COULD have done. i'd be scared shitless. probably never go out again #or stories where a woman is nice to a guy so he obssesses over her & even kidnaps her. though that comes more from the fact that i do try- #-to be very kind & courteous & have had people mistake that for flirting. so the idea that that kindess could lead to something like that #it's very unsettling #but nonetheless. only real life genuinely terrifies me. which is probably why i'm not into true crime lol #i love reading about horrific & terrifying things in fiction but if it's a real story it just makes me depressed

[leos-regression-cove]

Me, with veins popping out of my forehead, fists squeezed tightly into a ball: It's my fanfiction and I can work on whatever chapter or story I want it doesn't need to be in order. It doesn't need to be in order. It doesn't need to be in order. It's an episodic fic. You can work on another story.

#It's okay not to upload a chapter of a different story in a specific order every single week #I can do 2 chapters from the same story 2 weeks in a row #or not upload for a week #or put this cute new story I've been working on into the mix without finishing one first #I can abandon the one I'm struggling with #and come back to it later or never again. It's okay #(rocking back and forth and pulling my hair out) #anyway #unnerving imagery tw #? #agere fic inspo #writing is fun #writing fanfic #fanfic writing #ao3 writer