#I’ve actually gotten to practice the particular theme this past year

[ascendingtostardust]

Angel Of Small Death (18+)

Josh Kiszka x F Reader

Words: 5.8k

Warnings: mentions of religion and religious trauma, religious themes, spanking (if you squint really hard), slight degradation, spitting, oral sex (m receiving), unprotected sex (wrap it up, y’all) **if I’m missing any please let me know!**

a/n: this was sitting in my docs, half finished, for almost a year and it was time to finally finish her. This is my first piece of full-on smut and the longest thing I’ve ever written, so please be kind to me. Any feedback is always welcomed!

+++

Spending the summer in the middle of the woods with a handful of adults your age and an overwhelming amount of kids somehow sounded like a good time when you voluntarily signed up. You had never been to camp as a kid and when the opportunity to be a camp counselor presented itself through your mom’s church, you knew you had to take it. You had grown up very religious - going to church every Sunday and youth group every Friday night, only surrounding yourself with people that shared your own views, and being expected to uphold traditional morals. As a teenager, you began questioning everything the church taught you and eventually started exploring the experiences you had missed out on for years of your life.

Although you had blown through your “teenage to-do list” by the age of 18, one thing that you couldn’t bring yourself to do was actually have sex. The guilt that came along with such intimacy before marriage was drilled into your subconscious from an early age and never failed to make an appearance whenever the opportunity arose. It’s not that you didn’t want to experience it, you had urges like everyone else, but you couldn’t bring yourself to break the barrier in your mind and push past the guilt. You had slowly gotten better about accepting the idea of being so vulnerable with someone over the years, but still wanted that person to feel “right” to you and you had never found that right person…until you met Josh.

His name came up frequently in your house, your mom constantly trying to set you up with the man that led the youth worship group at her church. Her attempts were always met with a groan and an excuse as to why you “didn’t want to get involved with a church boy.”

“But he’s a great kid, please just give him a chance!” Your mom would reply, getting more and more frustrated each time you wouldn’t give in to her incessant pleas but still not letting it go.

You didn’t even know what Josh looked like, let alone what his personality was like and blind dates weren’t exactly your thing, especially with guys that were as involved in their church as Josh seemingly was. Looking back, it was easy to see that your mom had a whole plan to get you two to meet one way or another and that was why she was so eager to help you sign up to be a counselor at the camp that a few local churches got together to host each summer.

The first few days at the camp were merely orientation for the adults that would be in charge of the campers for the next couple of weeks and you enjoyed the other girls in your orientation group and being in the little oasis in the middle of the woods.

However, a particular boy caught your eye from the moment you saw him get out of his car and effortlessly sling his duffel bag over his shoulder, the setting sun catching the curls that sat at the top of his head and creating a halo effect above him. As soon as he caught your eye, you looked away and felt your cheeks burn with embarrassment that he saw you practically gawking at the way the counselor t-shirt you were all given hugged his shoulders and chest just right.

It was two days after you had first laid eyes on Josh when he finally came over to you during lunch break, taking a seat across from you at the picnic table you occupied alone. You preferred to be alone during lunch, using the time to write in your journal, read a book, or quietly sit with your own thoughts. Startled that someone just invited themselves to sit at your table, you looked up from your book quickly to meet Josh’s warm brown eyes that stared into your own expectedly.

“Uh hi, Josh…” You said, giving him a questioning look and marking the page you left on in your book, slowly closing it and pushing it to the side.

“Hi, angel.” The nickname rolled off his tongue and hit you right in the stomach, leaving lingering butterflies.

The two of you had been introduced by one of the girls in your orientation group earlier and right away you were both intrigued and intimidated by the man. Josh looked at you as if he saw right through the “church girl” act you put on to better fit in, a smirk always playing at his lips when he observed you interacting with the other counselors.

“Do you need something?” You asked as nicely as you could, confused as to why he was looking at you the way that he was.

“I just came to say that I’m really happy we got paired up as age buddies. I’m interested in getting to know you a little better.” And there was that knowing smirk. He somehow figured you out without ever having a real one-on-one conversation with you lasting more than 5 minutes.

You gave him another questioning look, not knowing what he was talking about or why it seemingly brought him so much joy.

“Age buddies?” You prompted, letting your eyebrows knit together in confusion.

“So each counselor gets paired up with all of the girls or all of the boys in a certain age group, but the counselor of the boys and of the girls are buddies and have to plan activities and stuff together. Make sense?”

“Yeah, yeah that makes sense. So we’re really going to be spending a lot of time together then, huh?” You asked, already knowing the answer but trying to prolong the conversation as long as you could to be able to admire how his toned arms looked as he leaned his elbows on the wooden table.

“Oh loads of time, angel,” he began getting up from the table, “and I can’t wait.” Walking backwards for a few strides as he finished his statement before leaving you with a wink and turning around to jog back over to the small wooden chapel to finish preparing the welcome sermon for that night when the campers arrived.

+

Being “buddies” with Josh had its perks, but was just as draining and frustrating as it was exciting. He always seemed to find a way to leave a lingering touch on your arm or lower back as he walked past you or came up to mutter some complaint about his campers to make you giggle. It’s not that you weren’t doing your part to get him back for it, though. Moving your knee to “accidentally” bump his as you sat almost hip-to-hip next to the nightly bonfire, asking for his help applying sunscreen to your back and neck before a day in the sun, and letting your hand linger a beat too long on his shoulder when trying to grab his attention.

He knew you noticed his advances and you knew he noticed yours, but both of you lived for the back and forth and the tension that only got more and more unbearable as the first week of camp quickly came to a close and the second week threatened to only make things worse.

It surprised you how naturally you fell into a daily rhythm with Josh, contributing most of it to the fact that you had to spend every day together, but the very obvious spark between you two definitely contributed as well. Of course, you didn’t expect any sort of a “hook up” to occur while you were working a summer camp, let alone a church camp. However, after enduring a few days of Josh’s intentional teasing and testing you decided to let whatever was going to happen, happen.

+

The other surprising element to working the camp was how quickly you fell back into old thought patterns and behavior. You were long past the days of praying for guidance or clarity when life felt like it was way too overwhelming for one person, but yet…here you were. Having to bow your head and fold your hands with the kids during worship every morning left you grasping at it as a last resort after what happened earlier that day.

Yours and Josh’s groups were gathered together in an empty rec cabin that held no purpose other than storage for the various random pieces of equipment for games that the camp set up most days. That day, though, all of the rain that the sky had been collecting all summer began to pour down and oversaturate the earth.

Although no phones were technically allowed within camp limits, you and Josh realized that the two of you had both broken the rules after he asked for your number to “help coordinate plans for the day better” one the third day of working together. On this particular day, the rain completely ruined your plans for swimming and volleyball and your face lit up as your phone softly buzzed from its spot in the waistband of your jeans while you sat with a few campers at breakfast.

Josh: Meet us in the rec cabin. Tell NO ONE.

Collecting the kids and telling them the plan in a hushed tone, they followed your lead down the overgrown path to the cabin you hoped Josh and his campers were already waiting for you in. After arriving to find that it was, in fact, not Josh and his group trying to prank you again, everyone began grouping together as they typically did throughout the day and excitedly chattering about being in the “forbidden cabin.”

Josh slid up next to you, bumping your hip with his own. You looked over at him and tried to hide the grin that began to spread across your lips as the two of you took each other in for just long enough that none of the kids would notice and ask if you were “boyfriend and girlfriend” like they had begun doing a few days prior. The rain had made his curls even more unruly and the collar of his shirt sat wet and heavy against his skin from the drops of water that still dripped down his neck from his hair.

“So…” You started, attempting to prompt him into conversation.

“So?” He fired back while turning to fully face you.

“Why’d you drag me all the way out here, huh? Trying to get us caught and sent home early?” You raised an eyebrow at him but kept your voice soft so only he could hear you.

Josh stared at the ground for a moment before finally finding the right words to say. “Would that be so bad?”

What he meant by that, you weren’t sure. The shrug of his shoulders made you think that he didn't mean much by the response and maybe didn’t even think much about his response, he just said whatever came to mind. But on the other hand, it ignited your own thoughts and sent your mind racing with possibilities. They were only halted when Josh quickly surveyed the various small groups of kids in their own little worlds around the room and grabbed onto your hand, still damp from the walk though the rain. He didn’t even seem phased, though, as he lifted your fingers to his plump lips to kiss each knuckle so softly that you almost didn’t even feel it happening.

Just as quickly as it happened, the moment came to an end when a loud crash and the sound of each kid immediately blaming someone else filled the room. As confused as ever, one thing was for sure - sinful thoughts about Josh and his lips were going to be running through your mind for the rest of the day.

+

Being assigned the role of locking up the chapel each night after nightly group prayer also had its perks, as you realized that it was the only moment that you could truly just sit alone in quiet and stillness. The thought of Josh’s lips on your body hadn’t left your mind all day and began making you almost feel dizzy at the thought that maybe he wanted you just as bad as you wanted him.

You knelt on both knees on the second step leading up to the altar where dozens of candles from the nightly service still flickered and cast a deep red hue against each wall of the small chapel. With your eyes closed and palms pressed together, your forehead leaned against your connected thumbs as you mumbled a string of words only comprehensible to yourself.

Your attempt at asking for forgiveness for the impure thoughts you couldn’t seem to stop from dancing through your mind whenever you saw Josh was cut short when you heard the wooden door to the chapel creak open and light footsteps echo behind you. Not wanting to be bothered, you refused to turn around to see who was interrupting you and kept your eyes closed, but your thoughts raced as the mystery intruder continued closer and closer. Just from the smell of palo santo that wafted through the air, you knew that you were about to be joined by the subject of your sinful desires.

Although you sensed his presence, a warm hand placed on your cheek still startled you, forcing your eyes open to find Josh crouching in front of you wearing loose grey sweatpants and a baggy white t-shirt. It was the most casual outfit you had seen him in, considering the fact that all counselors had a strict dress code consisting of a camp t-shirt with jeans or khakis. One thing remained the same though, a necklace of white glass beads hung around his neck, the chunky white cross at the end falling just above his navel. Your mind began to wander as you stared at the man in front of you, wondering how the cross on his necklace would feel dragging across your bare-

“You okay, angel?” His voice pulled you back to reality, a look of genuine concern painted across his face.

“Yeah- yeah I’m fine, just…” you shook your head slightly, trying to put together a coherent thought, “just really got into prayer for a little bit there.”

“Ah, I can understand that.” Josh nodded, running his thumb softly across your cheek a few times before pulling his hand away and moving to kneel next to you.

“Mind if I join you? I feel like I have a lot of repenting to do lately.” He peeked over at you as if to gauge her reaction, but was only met with your wide eyes staring at the floor in front of you.

“Angel?” He reached his right hand to settle on the middle of your left thigh, keeping his touch light to simply grab your attention again.

“Uh-yes, yeah of course. Everyone is welcome in His house, right?” You let out a nervous chuckle and finally looked him in the eye, swallowing thickly when you realized that he never pulled his hand away from your leg.

The two of you remained kneeling next to each other on the scratchy, carpeted step, maintaining eye contact until you cleared your throat and bowed your head forward. Eyes now closed again and hands placed on either side of your legs, you once more asked for forgiveness for what you wanted to do to the man on his knees next to you. Focusing on repeating the words in your head got harder and harder once you felt Josh’s fingers twitch slightly to lightly squeeze your thigh. With your eyes shut, you couldn’t see the smirk that rested on his lips as he mirrored your posture and also bowed his own head to pray.

Minutes passed, yet his hand still burned through the material of your jeans, both of you sitting silently. Josh couldn’t stand the stagnant nature of the room anymore, the stillness killing him as his own mind ran a million miles a minute. It seemed that sinful thoughts were flooding his mind faster than he could pray them away. Almost without conscious permission, the hand that rested on your leg began rubbing up and down your thigh, his fingertips dancing along the seam of your pants. He could hear your breathing become slightly more labored and could practically feel your heart racing through the palm of his hand.

“Is this…okay?” He questioned with wavering confidence.

You knew it wasn’t right and shouldn’t be happening here of all places, yet you couldn’t stop yourself from whispering out a quiet “yes.” There was no going back now, you knew that. The wetness between your legs both mocked and encouraged your desire.

Your eyes were barely open for a few seconds before they were squeezed shut again and a pair of the softest lips you’d ever felt met your own. You couldn’t say you expected things to exactly progress slowly once the first kiss finally broke the tension that had been building for the past two weeks, but the speed at which Josh’s hand crept up to cup your clothed core still pulled the breath from your lungs.

His hands found your hips and pulled you to straddle his lap as he rolled back to properly sit on the step that you once innocently knelt upon. Your hands ran over the shaved sides of his hair, fingers catching his curls and giving them a tug to tilt his head back and leave Josh looking up at you.

The flickering flames of the candles still burning strong on the altar just a few feet away caught in your eye as he stared at you, wide-eyed, as if it was the first time he was really seeing you. For a moment, you simply sat staring at one another, taking in the moment. However, a beat later your hips began tilting forward and back while you sat lower to apply more pressure to Josh’s lap.

He groaned and let his eyes slip closed as your breathing picked up and you found yourself grinding down on Josh’s hardened length faster and faster just to hear another beautiful whine or whimper pass through his lips. Josh snapped back into himself after a particularly rough tug on his hair, causing his head to raise once again and his lips meet yours in a feverish kiss. His tongue battled yours once you finally let him in, bringing both hands to the back of your head to allow him some leverage.

You didn’t want to give away just how much Josh affected you so quickly, but once one of his hands left your head to crack down against the thickest part of your ass experimentally, you couldn’t fight the moan that ripped through your chest. You could feel Josh smirk at your reaction, getting exactly what he wanted from you in that moment. To get him back for making you slip so fast, the next time he brought his tongue to meet yours, you wrapped your lips around it and sucked lightly while giving the tip a few small licks.

The moment was over before you could complete the action as Josh quickly grabbed your hips tightly again to pull your body off of his and leave you kneeling while he stood. The sound of Josh’s sweatpants being pulled down his legs and haphazardly thrown behind him accompanied a both satisfied and impressed hum from you.

His cock stood at attention in front of your face, so close that you could press a soft kiss to the leaking tip if you leaned forward ever so slightly. Your gaze was broken when Josh brought a hand down to wrap around his length, giving it a few pumps as every muscle in his torso seemed to contract with the sudden contact.

“Go on, angel, give it a kiss. Be sweet for me.” Josh broke the silence in a hushed tone, running his unoccupied hand over the side of your hair to push some of it behind your shoulder.

You took a moment to admire how beautiful he looked like this, standing before you with a needy confidence. Quickly, your own confidence was replaced with a wave of nervousness and the shame that always came with any intimate situation you had found yourself in prior to this.

“Hey,” Josh said gently, grabbing your attention, “we don’t have to do this. We can go grab some hot chocolate or something and pretend it never happened.”

You smiled slightly at the innocent nature of the suggestion in contrast to the image right in front of you.

“No,” you whispered out, “I want this. I want you, Josh. Fully.”

His eyes searched yours for any sign of discomfort and, when none could be found, he smirked once more and gave himself a few more pumps before he felt your hands find the back of his thighs as you slowly leaned forward.

You pressed light kisses around the base of his cock, taking a moment before gathering the courage to finally flatten your tongue against the underside of his length and trail it up to his tip. Right away you realized how dry your mouth felt, nerves getting the best of you. He noticed the hesitation and cupped your jaw, encouraging you to meet his eyes.

“Need some help?” The question seemed innocent enough but given the circumstances, you weren’t sure what answer he was looking for.

“Open.” He nudged your jaw with his thumb as you opened your mouth for him, maintaining eye contact through your bare lashes. He gave you a small, almost mocking, smile and stroked your cheek before bending forward slightly and spitting directly into your open mouth.

“Now try again, angel.” His hand found the back of your head and guided you to your previous position, intently watching as your lips met the tip of his cock once again. He let his head fall back and a soft moan escape from deep within his chest, finding it harder to keep quiet the closer he got to the back of your throat.

Keeping his hand tangled in your hair as a means of grounding himself, he bucked his hips forward involuntarily as you bobbed up and down his length, varying the pressure you applied with your lips. Your nails dug into the backs of his thighs, leaving a welcomed sting to his skin and crescent-shaped reminders of how heavenly it felt to have his cock in your mouth.

Josh could feel himself crawling toward his edge faster than he’d anticipated and knew he needed to stop you before he ruined the chance to do everything he wanted to do with you. Reluctantly, he brought both hands to cup your jaw and led your head back, where a flash of disappointment on your face almost brought another moan to escape his lips.

Without a word, his left hand glided across your face, tucking a few strands of hair behind your ear innocently and admiring how pretty you looked with your eyes glazed over and a rosy tint covering your cheeks. Your lips fell into an involuntary pout as Josh ran his thumb over your top lip, then your bottom, coaxing your jaw open once more and slipping the finger into your mouth. Closing your lips tightly, you let your tongue drag across his thumb painfully slowly, watching as his confident demeanor faltered slightly.

When he had enough, he hooked his thumb on your bottom row of teeth to force your jaw down and release him, pulling his thumb out of your mouth and dragging it across your swollen bottom lip, leaving a sheen of your own saliva across the burning skin of your cheek.

“I knew those lips could do more than just pray, baby.” His smirk was intensified by the flames of the red candles burning on the altar, making him look anything but holy.

As if you weren’t blushed enough, his words brought even more blood rushing to your cheeks. You looked down, hands in your lap, almost embarrassed by the praise of your performance thus far. You were brought back out of your own head when you felt the bottom of your shirt being lifted as Josh bent at the hips to grasp the material, his face now centimeters from yours.

He took advantage of the position and pressed a soft, almost innocent, kiss to your neck before tugging the shirt off further. As if somehow holding you back, you could feel the bashfulness you once felt about what you were doing leaving your body when your shirt was carelessly tossed to the side and your chest was left exposed.

The new surge of confidence made you look Josh directly in the eye, your right index finger dragging up and down the length of his bare leg.

“Are you gonna fuck me now, Josh?” You questioned, lulling your head to the side.

A noise that could only be described as a growl rumbled from deep within his chest and before you knew it, you were lifted to your feet by your armpits and led down the few steps to the first row of pews. A gasp escaped you when you was spun around and pushed towards the maroon velvet pad that covered the seat of the pew. You found yourself thankful that Josh decided to show some kind of mercy and not fuck you into the scratchy rug covering the floor.

Your knees met the soft cushion and you climbed up on all fours, only catching glimpses of Josh quickly pulling his own shirt over his head before making quick work of reaching around to unfasten your jeans and slide them down your legs, taking your panties with them.

With how fast he was moving to get into position, you expected to feel him pushing into you within a few seconds...but felt nothing.Worried that he may be regretting everything leading up to this moment, you turned her head around to see Josh on his knees behind you, shamelessly letting his eyes travel the length of your spine to your ass. He bit his lip and shook his head side to side slightly, not able to believe that this was all for him. You wanted him.

“Okay, okay.” He whispered to himself, shuffling closer to your body and running his hands up your back across her shoulder blades, your skin burning at his touch.

“You’re sure this is okay? Seriously, we can stop and just go-”

“Josh, I’m sure that I want this.” Your eyes met his and he almost fell off the pew at the sight of your glossy lips and rounded eyes staring back at him.

“Please…” you breathed out, shifting your hips side to side ever so slightly and rolling your head downward to face away from him.

He mumbled something to himself before dragging his hand down your back once more, grabbing at your hip when his fingers met the flesh and moving closer until you could feel the head of his cock just barely grazing your core. The breath left your lungs when he caught your sensitive clit that had been begging for friction and you had to remind yourself to let oxygen in again when you started getting lightheaded.

Josh’s knuckles grazed your bare ass as he dragged his cock between your folds, gathering enough of your slick to begin pushing into you little by little before pulling completely out again. He loved being a tease, at this point you fully knew that, but in this moment you just wanted all of him. A whine escaped your throat and you could hear him chuckle at your impatience.

“I know, baby, I’m getting there. You really think I’m not going to take care of my angel?”

His voice helped put you at ease, and the feeling of his length slowly filling you up again, but now going further to bottom out inside of you, left your muscles completely relaxed. He gave you a few seconds to stretch and adjust to the size of him before slowly rocking his hips, a sensation you’ve never quite experienced in its entirety radiating through your body.

Each set of thrusts into you felt like there was more speed and force behind them than the previous until Josh’s hips snapped forward with such strength that you lowered onto your forearms, leaving your ass up for him. Your whines, accompanied by the sound of skin slapping against skin, echoed against the wood-paneled room just as hymns had only an hour or two prior. Josh wasn’t completely silent, though. He hummed and whispered out an occasional “fuck” or “so good for me” every now and then when the angle seemed to affect him more than before.

Wanting to hear you louder, he suddenly reached down to throw one of his arms across your chest, pulling you up on your knees so that your back pressed against his damp chest. His pace remained merciless as he held you there, his pants leaving his hot breath to fan against your face. You didn’t even think about where Josh’s other hand was until you felt a surge of electricity run through you when his fingers began toying with your deprived clit, expertly circling around the bundle of nerves.

Unable to spare the energy to hold your head up any more, you let it fall back onto Josh’s left shoulder, your right arm coming up to wrap around his neck lazily and provide more support. Your moans got louder with an increase in speed and pressure from his fingers until you felt your orgasm barreling towards you faster than you could process. Josh picked up on it immediately as you shifted your hips to sloppily meet his.

“You want me to send you up into the clouds? Hm? Does my pretty angel want to meet god?” His words barely registered as he held your head close to his mouth to whisper directly into your ear.

A weak nod was all you could give him in response, surrendering complete control of your body to the man holding you up in his arms. As your orgasm washed over you, your legs shook and your body tried to fold forward to find comfort in the plush velvet you still kneeled on, but Josh held strong and pulled you impossibly closer. The necklace he wore every day pressed so deeply into your skin, you could feel the cross pendant burning your skin to create a defined outline on your back. His pace slowed as he felt your walls fluttering around him, coaxing his own end.

When you opened your eyes again, Josh leaned his chin against your shoulder and pressed a wet kiss to your neck, moving your body in his arm to lay your back against the maroon fabric on the pew.

“Want to see that pretty face when I cum.” He whispered out, kneeling between your legs and taking in your naked body that laid on display in front of him. Bringing a hand over to brush against your cheek, you lightly grabbed his hand and kissed his open palm reassuringly.

You hummed in response, almost letting a small smile spread across your face until Josh surprised you by slipping his cock back inside of you, bottoming out without hesitation. He returned to the merciless pace that he kept just a few moments ago and he fought to keep his eyes from fluttering closed, allowing his hands to explore the expanse of your torso.

Josh grabbed your legs to bend your knees and push them towards your chest, allowing him to reach deeper inside you than you thought possible. His sloppy thrusts held no rhythm as his now quickened breath was accompanied with a small whimper every time his hips snapped forward.

“Come on, baby…” You breathed out, not wanting to disturb the little piece of heaven you and Josh shared by raising your voice any louder. Your hand lifted from its place on his arm to his pink-tinted, burning cheek to softly push some of the hair that clung to his forehead back into place.

Your words combined with the sensation of you squeezing around his sensitive cock pushed him over the edge and he quickly pulled out of you just in time for his hot spurts of cum to paint your stomach. He helped you lower your feet to meet the cushion of the seat on either side of him, but remained kneeling between your legs, head bowed as he caught his breath. Allowing your eyes to slip closed, you focused on your own breathing and the feeling of Josh’s fingertips pressing varying amounts of pressure into the skin of your hips.

Josh leaned backwards to retrieve any article of clothing he could from the floor that was within arms reach, which happened to be his shirt, and wiped his release from your stomach. It was a moment so sweet and tender, you almost forgot what the two of you had just done together…in the camp chapel, no less.

“So, I’m thinking…” Josh started, tossing his shirt to the side once again and pulling you up by your arms to face him. “Maybe we can get cleaned up and then you can let me make you that hot chocolate I suggested earlier?”

And there he was. The Josh you knew and loved was back. Your Josh.

His sentiment caught you off guard and you couldn’t help but giggle.

“You haven’t stopped thinking about that damn hot cocoa since you mentioned it, have you?”

He raised both hands at the accusation, an offended look now overtaking his face.

“I may have gotten a little distracted once I got here, angel, but why do you think I came looking for you in the first place?”

“You’re ridiculous.” You cupped his face in your palms, admiring his still fucked-out features. “We better go before someone wonders why these candles are still lit and comes to put them out, though.”

He looked over at the altar, as if he forgot where he even was.

“I mean…maybe we should pray for what we just did…” Josh looked at you with such a serious expression, you could feel your stomach drop.

“Kidding, I’m kidding! Come on, angel, hot cocoa is calling your name!”

With a laugh, he untangled himself from you and began collecting your clothes off the floor, tossing them towards you while he double checked that there was no trace of you two being left behind.

Now dressed and about to put your hand in his outstretched palm, you remembered the candles, somehow still glowing red. You shuffled up to the altar, looking up at the giant wooden cross presiding over the empty pews of the chapel. Quickly blowing each candle out with a puff of air, you were left in complete darkness, following Josh’s voice as he beckoned you towards him.

Taglist: @ashole-x @earthlysorrows

#this won’t be for everyone and that’s okay! #this is my magnum opus pls enjoy #josh kiskza #josh kiszka smut #gvf #greta van fleet #josh kiszka fanfiction #josh kiszka x reader #josh kiszka imagine #josh kiszka fic #jake kiszka #sam kiszka #danny wagner

[jungnoir]

someone requested this minhyuk drabble a while back and I have had this kind of dark idea for it but I’ve never. Gone that way before in my writing here djdhdndh

#it’s nothing bad. you just kind of learn what kind of person you were dating when you throw zombies into the mix #I’ve actually gotten to practice the particular theme this past year #let’s just say i was inspired by nfwmb by hozier #majspeaks

[vickyvicarious]

Leverage Redemption Pros/Cons List

Okay! Now that I've finally finished watching the first half of Leverage: Redemption, I thought I'd kind of sum up my overall impression. Sort of a pro/con list, except a little more just loosely structured rambles on each bullet point rather than a simple list.

This got way out of hand from what I expected so I'm going to put it all under a cut. If you want the actual bulletpoint list, here it is:

PROS

References

Continuity

Nate

Representation

Themes

New Characters

General Vibe

CONS

'Maker and Fixer'

Episode Twins

Sophie's Stagefright

Thiefsome

You might notice the pros list is longer, and that's because I do love the show! I really like most of what it does, and my gripes are fewer in number and mostly smaller in size. But they do exist and I felt like talking about them as well as the stuff I loved.

PROS

References

There is clearly so much love and respect for the original show here. Quite aside from the general situation, there's a lot of references to individual episodes or character traits from the first show. For example, Parker's comments on disliking clowns, liking puppets, disliking horses, stabbing vs. tasing people. The tasing was an ongoing thing in the original, the stabbing happened once (S1) but was referenced later in the original show, the clown thing only had a few mentions scattered across the entire original show. The puppet thing was mentioned once in S5, and the horses thing in particular was only brought up in S1 once. But they didn't miss the chance to put the nod to it in there; in fact with those alone we see a good mix of common/ongoing jokes and smaller details.

We got "dammit Hardison" and "it's a very distinctive..." but also Eliot and Parker arguing about him catering a mob wedding, and Eliot being delighted by lemon as a secret ingredient in a dish in that same episode (another reference to the mob episode). Hardison and Eliot banter about "plan M", an ongoing joke starting from the very first episode of the original show. We see Sophie bring up Hardison's accent in the Ice Job, Parker also makes reference to an early episode when describing "backlash effect" to Breanna, in an episode that also references her brother slightly if you look for it.

Heck, the last episode of these first eight makes a big deal out of nearly reproducing the iconic opening lines of the original show with Fake Nate's "we provide... an advantage." And I mean, all the "let's go steal a ___" with Harry being confused about how to use them.

Some of the lines are more obviously references to the original show, but they strike a decent balance with smaller or unspoken stuff as well, and also mix in some references between the team to events we the audience have never seen. If someone was coming into this show for the first time, they wouldn't get all the easter egg joy but most of the references would stand on their own as dialogue anyway. In general, I think they struck a good balance of restating needed context for new viewers while still having enough standalone good lines and more-fun-if-you-get-it callbacks.

Continuity

Similar to the last point, but slightly different. The characters' development from the original to now is shown so well. I'm not going to go on about this too long, but the writers clearly didn't want to let the original characters stagnate during the offscreen years. There was a lot of real thought put into how they would change or not.

It's really written well. We can see just how cohesive a team Parker, Hardison, and Eliot became. We get a sense of how they've spent their time, and there's plenty of evidence that they remained incredibly close with Sophie and Nate until this past year. The way everyone defers to Parker is different from the original show and clearly demonstrates how she's been well established as the leader for years now - they show this well even as Parker is stepping back to let Sophie take point in these episodes. Eventually that is actually called out by Sophie in the eighth episode, so we might see more mastermind Parker in the back half of the show, maybe. But even with her leading, it's clear how collaborative the team has become, with everyone bouncing ideas off one another and adding their input freely. Sometimes they even get so caught up they leave the newbies completely in the dust. But for the most part we get a good sense of how the Parker/Hardison/Eliot team worked with her having final say on plans but the others discussing everything together. A little bit more collaborative than it was with Nate at the helm.

Meanwhile Sophie has built a home and is deeply attached to it. She and Nate really did retire, at least for the most part, and she was living her happy ending until he died. She's out of practice but still as skilled as ever, and we're shown how much her grief has changed her and how concerned the others are for her.

There's a lot of emphasis on how they all look after one another and the found family is clearer than ever. Sophie even calls Hardison "his father's son" - clearly referring to Nate.

Nate

Speaking of Nate! They handled his loss so, so well. His story was the most complete at the end of the last show, and just from a narrative point, losing him makes the most sense of all the characters. But the way he dies and his impact on the show and the characters continues. It's very respectful to who he was - who he truly was.

Nate was someone they all loved, but he was a deeply flawed individual. Sophie talks about how he burned too hot, but at least he burned - possibly implying to me that his drinking was related to his death. In any case, there's no mystery to it. We don't know how he died but that's not what's most important about his death. This isn't a quest for revenge or anything... it's just a study of grief and trying to heal.

Back to who he really was real quick - the show doesn't eulogize him as better than he was. They're honest about him. From the first episode's toast they raise in his memory, to the final episode where Sophie and Eliot are deeply confused by Fake Nate singing his praises, the team knows who he was. They don't erase his flaws... but at the same time he was so clearly theirs. He was family, he was the man they trusted and loved and followed into incredibly dangerous situations, and whose loss they all still feel deeply.

That said, the show doesn't harp on this point. They reference him, but they don't overwhelm new viewers with a constant barrage of Nate talk. It always serves a purpose, primarily for Sophie's storyline of moving through her grief. Anyway, @robinasnyder said all of this way better than me here, so go read that as well.

Representation

Or should I say, Jewish Hardison, Autistic Parker, Queer Breanna!

Granted, Hardison's religion isn't quite explicitly stated to be Jewish so much as he mentions that his "Nana runs a multi-denominational household", but nonetheless. He gets the shows big thesis statement moment, he gets a beautiful speech about redemption that is the emotional cornerstone of that episode and probably Harry's entire arc throughout the show. And while I'm not Jewish myself, most of what I've seen from Jewish fans is saying that Hardison's words here were excellent representation of their beliefs. (@featherquillpen does a great job in that meta of contextualizing this with his depiction in the original show as well.)

Autistic Parker, however, is shown pretty dang blatantly. She already was very much coded as autistic in the original show, but the reboot has if anything gone further. She sees a child psychologist because she likes using puppets to represent emotions, she stims, she uses cue cards and pre-written scripts for social interactions, there's mention of possible texture sensitivity and her clothes are generally more loose and comfortable. She's gotten better at performing empathy and understanding how people typically work, but it's specifically described as something she learned how to do and she views her brain as being different from ones that work that way (same link). Again, not autistic myself but from what I've seen autistic fans find a lot to relate to in her portrayal. And best of all, this well-rounded and respectful depiction does not show any of these qualities as a lack on her part. There's no more of those kinda ableist comments or "what's wrong with you" jokes that were in the original show. Parker is the way she is, and that allows her to do things differently. She's loved for who she is, and any effort made to fit in is more just to know how so that she can use it to her advantage when she wants to on the job - for her convenience, not others' comfort.

Speaking of loved for who you are.... okay, again, queer Breanna isn't confirmed onscreen yet, and I don't count Word of God as true canon. But I can definitely believe we're building there. Breanna dresses in a very GNC way, and just her dialogue and, I dunno, vibes seem very queer to me. She has a beautiful speech in the Card Game Job about not belonging or being accepted and specifically mentions "the way they love" as one of those things that made her feel like she didn't belong. And that scene is given so much weight and respect. (Not to mention other hints throughout the episode about how much finding her own space meant to her.) Also, the whole theme of feeling rejected and the key for her to begin really flourishing is acceptance for who she is, not any desire for her to be anyone else, is made into another big moment. Yeah, textually that moment is about her feeling like she has to fill Hardison's shoes and worrying about her past, but the themes are there, man.

Themes

I talked a bit about this yesterday, so I'm mostly just going to link to that post, but... this series so far is doing a really good job in my opinion of giving people arcs and having some good themes. Namely the redemption one, from Hardison's speech (which I'm gonna talk a little more about in the next point), and this overall theme of growing up and looking to the future (from above the linked post).

New Characters

Harry and Breanna are fantastic characters. I was kind of worried about Harry being a replacement Nate, but... he really isn't. Sure, he's the older white guy who has an angsty past but it's in a very different way and his personality and relationships with the rest of the crew are correspondingly different. I think the dynamic of a very friendly, cheerful, kind, but still bad guy (as @soundsfaebutokay points out) is a great one to show, and he's got a really cool arc I think of learning to be a better person, and truly understanding Hardison's point about redemption being a process not a goal. His role on the team also has some interesting applications and drawbacks, as @allegorymetaphor talked about. I've kind of grown to think that the show is gradually building up to an eventual Sophie/Harry romance a ways down the line, and I'm actually here for it. Regardless, his relationships with everyone are really interesting.

As for Breanna, first of all and most importantly I love her. Secondly, I think she's got a really interesting story. She's a link to Hardison's past, and provides a really interesting perspective for us as someone younger who has grown up a) looking up to Leverage and b) in a bleaker and more hopeless world. Breanna's not an optimist, and she's not someone who was self-sufficient and unconcerned with the rest of the world at the start, like everyone else. She believes that the world sucks and she wants it to be better, but she doesn't know how to make that happen. She outright says she's desperate and that's why she's working with Leverage. At the same time, Breanna is pretty down on herself and wants to prove herself but gets easily shaken by mistakes or being scolded, which is a stark contrast to Hardison's general self-confidence. There are several times when she starts to have an idea then hesitates to share it, or expects her emotions to be dismissed, or gets really disheartened when she's corrected or rejected, or dwells on her mistakes, or when she is accepted or praised she usually takes a surprised beat and is shy about it (she almost always looks down and away from the person, and her smile is often small or startled). Breanna looks up to the team so much (Parker especially, then probably Eliot) and she wants to prove herself. It's going to be so good to see her grow.

General Vibe

A brief note, but it seems a fitting one to end on. The show keeps it's overall tone and feeling from the original show. The fun, the competency porn, the bad guys and clever plans and happy endings. It's got differences for sure, but the characters are recognizably themselves and the show as a whole is recognizably still Leverage. For the most part they just got the feeling right, and it's really nice.

CONS (no, not that kind)

'Maker and Fixer'

So when I started writing this meta earlier today, I was actually a lot more annoyed by the lack of unique 'maker' skills being shown by Breanna. Basically the only time she tries to use a drone, the very thing she introduced herself as being good at, it breaks instantly. I was concerned about her being relegated into just doing what Hardison did, instead of bringing her own stuff to the table. But the seventh episode eased some of those fears, and the meta I just wrote for someone else asking about Breanna's 'maker' skills as shown this season made me realize there's more nuance than that. I'd still like to have seen more of that from her, but for now the fact that we don't see a lot of 'maker' from her so far seems more like a character decision based in Breanna's insecurities.

Harry definitely gets more 'inside man' usage. His knowledge as a 'fixer' comes in handy several times. Nonetheless, I'm really curious if there are any bigger ways to use it, aside from him just adding in some exposition/insight from time to time. I'm not even entirely sure how much more they can pull from this premise in terms of relevant skills, but I hope there's more and I'd like to see it. Maybe a con built more around him playing a longer role playing his old self, like they tried in the Tower Job? Maybe it's more a matter of him needed distance from that part of his past, being unable to face it without lashing out - in that case it could be a good character growth moment possibly for him to succeed in being Scummy Lawyer again down the line? I dunno.

Episode Twins

This was something small that kind of bothered me a little earlier in the season. It's kind of the negative side to the references, I guess? And I'm not even sure how much it annoys me really, but I just kinda noticed and felt sort of weird about it.

Rollin' on the River has a lot of references/callbacks to the The Wedding Job.

The Tower Job has a lot of references/callbacks to The White Rabbit Job.

The Paranormal Hacktivity Job has a lot of references/callbacks to the Future Job.

I guess I was getting a little concerned that there would be a 'match this episode' situation where almost every new Redemption episode is very reminiscent of an old one. I love the callbacks, but I don't want to see a lack of creativity in this new show, and this worried me for a minute. Especially when it was combined with all three of those episodes dealing with housing issues of some kind. Now, that's a huge concern for a lot of people, and each episode has its own take on a different problem within that huge umbrella, but it still got me worried about a lack of variety in topics/cases.

The rest of the episodes failing to line up so neatly in my head with older episodes helped a lot to ease this one, though. Still, this is my complaining section so I figured I'd express my concerns as they were at the time. Even if I no longer really worry about it much.

Sophie's Stagefright

Yeah, I know this is just a small moment in a single episode, but it annoyed me! Eliot made a bit of a face at Sophie going onstage, but I thought it was just him being annoyed at the general situation. However, they started out with her being awful up there until she realized the poem was relevant to the con - at which point her reading got so much better.

This felt like a complete betrayal of Sophie's beautiful moment at the end of the original show where she got over her trouble with regular acting and played Lady Macbeth beautifully in front of a full theater of audience members. This was part of the con, but only in the sense that it gave her an alibi/place to hide, and I always interpreted it as her genuinely getting over her stagefright problems. It felt like such a beautiful place to end her arc for that show, especially after all her time spent directing.

Now, her difficulty onstage in the Card Game Job was brief and at the very beginning of being up on stage. @rinahale suggested to me that maybe it was a deliberate tactic to draw the guy's attention, and the later skill was simply her shifting focus to make the sonnet easier for Breanna to listen to and interpret, but he seemed more enraptured when she was doing well than otherwise in my opinion and it just doesn't quite sit well with me. My other theory was that maybe she just hasn't been up on stage in a long time, and much like she complaining about being rusty at grifting before the team pushed her into trying, she got nervous for a moment at the very beginning. The problem there is that I think she'd definitely still get involved in theater even when she and Nate were retired. I guess she could've quit after he died, and a year might be long enough to make her doubt herself again, but... still.

I just resent that they even left it ambiguous at all. Sophie's skills should be solid on stage at this point in my opinion.

Thiefsome

...And now we come to my main complaint. This is, by far, the biggest issue I have with the show.

I feel like I should put a disclaimer here that I had my doubts from the beginning about the thiefsome becoming canon onscreen. I thought the famous "the OT3 is safe" tweet could easily just mean that they are all still alive and well, or all still working together, without giving us confirmation of a romantic relationship. Despite this, the general fandom expectations/hopes really got to me, especially with the whole "lock/pick/key" thing. I tried to temper my expectations again when the character descriptions came out and only mentioned Hardison loving Parker, not Eliot, but I still got my hopes up.

The thing is, I was disappointed pretty quickly.

The very first episode told me that in all likelihood we would never see Hardison and Parker and Eliot together in a romantic sense. Oh, there was so much coding. So much hinting. So much in the way of conversations that were about Parker/Hardison's relationship but then Eliot kept getting brought into them. They were portrayed as a unit of three.

But then there was this.

I love all of those scenes of Parker and Hardison being intimate and loving and comfortable with one another and their relationship. I really do. But it didn't escape my notice that there's nothing of the sort with Eliot. If they wanted a canon onscreen thiefsome, it would by far make the most sense to just have it established from the start. But there aren't any scenes where Eliot shares the same kind of physical closeness with either of them like they do each other. Parker and Hardison kiss; he doesn't kiss anyone. They have several clearly romantic conversations when alone; he gets important conversations with both but the sense of it being romantic isn't there.

Establishing Eliot as part of the relationship after Hardison is gone just... doesn't make any sense. It would be more likely to confuse new viewers, to make them wonder if Parker is cheating on Hardison with Eliot, or if they have a Y shaped relationship rather that a triangle. It would be so much clumsier.

Still, up until the Double-Edged-Sword Job I believed the writers might keep it at this level of 'plausible hinting but not quite saying'. There's a lot of great stuff with all of them, and I never expecting making out or whatever anyway; a cheek-kiss was about the height of my hopes to be honest. I mostly just hoped for outright confirmation and, failing that, I was happy enough to have the many hints and implications.

But then Marshal Maria Shipp came along. And I don't really have anything against her as a character - in fact, I think she has interesting story potential and will definitely come back. But the episode framed her fight with Eliot as a sexyfight TM, much like his fight with Mikel back in the day. And then his flirting with her rode the line a little of "he's playing her for the con" and "he's genuinely flirting." The scene where he tells her his real name is particularly iffy, but actually was the one that convinced me he was playing her. Because he seems to be watching her really closely, and to be very concerned about her figuring out who he really is. I am very aware though that I'm doing a lot of work to interpret it the way I want. On surface appearance, Eliot's just flirting with an attractive woman, like he did on the last show. And that's probably the intention, too.

But the real nail in the coffin for me was when Sophie compared herself and Nate to Eliot and Maria. That was a genuine scene, not the continuation of the teasing from before. And Sophie is the one whose insight into people is always, always trustworthy. She is family to the thiefsome. For this to make any sense, either Eliot/Parker/Hardison isn't a thing, or they are and Sophie doesn't know - and I can't imagine why in the hell she wouldn't know.

Any argument to make them still canon leaves me unsatisfied. If she knows and they haven't admitted it to her - why wouldn't they, after all this time? Why would she not have picked up on it even without an outright announcement? Some people suggested they wouldn't admit it because they thought Nate would be weird about it, but that doesn't seem any more in character to me than the other possibilities. In fact, the only option that doesn't go against my understanding of these people and their observational abilities/the close relationship they share.... is that the thiefsome is not a thing.

And furthermore, the implication of this conversation - especially the way it ended, with Eliot stomping off looking embarrassed while Sophie smiled knowingly - is that Eliot will get into another relationship onscreen. Maybe not a full-blown romantic relationship. But the Maria Shipp tension is going to be resolved somehow, and at this point I'm half-expecting a hook-up simply because of Sophie's reaction and how much I trust her judgement of such things. Even if she's letting her grief cloud her usual perceptiveness... it feels iffy.

It just kinda feels like I wasn't even allowed to keep my "interpret these hints/maybe they are" thiefsome that I expected after the first couple episodes convinced me we wouldn't get outright confirmation. (I mean, I will anyway, and I love the hints and allusions regardless.) And while I'm definitely not the kind of fan who is dependent on canon for my ships, and still enjoy all their interactions/will keep right on headcanoning them all in a relationship, it's just.... a bummer.

Feels like a real cop-out. Like the hints of Breanna being queer are enough to meet their quota and they won't try anything 'risky' like a poly relationship. I dunno. It's annoying.

.

That's the end of the list! Again, overall I love the new show a lot and have few complaints.

#leverage #leverage redemption #leverage spoilers #leverage meta #my meta #this turned into a BIG ol ramble #i planned to write like a couple of sentences for each point but noooo

[broadwayandnetflix]

Slow Down - Bill Hader x Reader

Warnings: Language

Theme: Fluff + 1/4 of Angst

Summary:  Hi I’ve literally been binging all of your fics and I didn’t know if you were still taking requests, but I was wondering if I could request an imagine with Bill Hader where the reader is sick and passes out at SNL and Bill helps them and takes them home

Word Count: 4.1k

A/N: Ahh thank you so much for your patience @bduchrnskei​ I really hope you enjoy this fic and it met your prompt expectations. I absolutely loved writing this one amongst all of my evil schoolwork, but what can you do? 

Living in a small-sized New York City apartment was not all that it’s cracked up to be. Whether it’s the heavy traffic and clutter of construction that never halts or the extreme temperatures during any season.

In this case, in particular, winter.

Or, more specifically, in this case, your heater broke, and it had become like an iceberg within your apartment space. As stated by your landlord, the repairmen were supposed to come on Saturday night, and as of right now, it was Thursday.

So bundling up had to do, in a way, you kind of missed the heater’s incessant rattling, as it had become a sort of a white noise these last few months.

You hadn’t been in New York City for very long, a little under a year, maybe? It wasn’t like you to pack up and move randomly to the Big Apple, but after clearing a spot as a new cast member with Saturday Night Live. It was most certainly a must.

Ever since you were little, you’d always had a knack for making others laugh or just getting to see someone smile. Saturday Night Live became your goal, and to secure it was like winning a million dollars. Even if it meant having to endure New York’s extreme seasonal changes.

This week was no different in the typical workflow; you were technically a new cast member. So the number of sketches you had been in was significantly limited. Still, you loved it nonetheless, with the lack of skits that you had been in lately allowed you to get to know your cast members more.

Specifically, your other recurring cast members like Nasim Pedrad and Jenny Slate, the three of you would often meet up for coffee on Sundays. Taking the time to decompress and discuss your favorite sketches of the week. It was nice to have a group of people you could relate to and find solace in, especially when the weeks became stressful or exhausting.

And oh boy, did your week’s become exhausting, especially on Saturdays. You shuddered at the thought of dress rehearsal as it stretched late into the night; losing sleep was worth the excitement.

You looked at the clock, it was nearing close to four in the morning, and you still had been awake at this point. Maybe it was the cold or the thousands of thoughts swirling through your mind, much like the snow accumulating outside.

Work was gonna be a bitch tomorrow.

You sneezed at the thought, sighed, and made sure to set your alarm before letting sleep take over.

-

You awoke with a headache and a blaring alarm that was erupting from your phone. Groaning, you shut the phone off and tried to ignore the incessant pain protruding from your forehead.

Swallowing some painkillers, you got dressed, grabbed your keys, and headed to work. Totally not picking up a coffee and a breakfast sandwich on the way.

“Why good morning Y/N!” Jenny chirped as you walked into the room, still rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.

“You sound oddly chipper, what happened?” you said as you put down your stuff, eyeing her curiously.

“She got some sleep, that’s what happened.” Nasim replied, nursing a cup of coffee in her hands, giving you a sleepy smile.

“Lucky duck,” you murmured, instinctively reaching for your coffee as well. It coated your throat nicely, you sighed in content.

Jenny only smirked before starting up another conversation with Nasim; you let your eyes wander across the room. Everyone in motion, working hard to make sure shit got done. That’s the thing about working at 30 Rock; no one ever really stopped moving.

One thing that you still had not gotten used to was Monday’s. The grueling and exhausting twenty-four hour stretch period of planning and concocting up sketches. It was a scary feeling, as if you could ever compare to everyone else.

Every now and then, a pitch you threw into the ball pit would get picked, the tiny butterflies in your stomach reminding you why you did what you did.

Your eyes landed on a particular figure as he strolled into the room. His hair beautifully tousled, eyes half-open, and shirt resting ever so comfortably upon his chest. You diverted your eyes quickly, only to feel yourself begin to sneeze.

Fuck, for the love of all that’s holy, please do not sneeze in front of Hader.... too late.

He looked up, meeting your widened eyes, and gave you a soft smile. It lingered for a bit until Andy swept up from behind and hugged him along by the arm. For a second, you could’ve sworn he was gonna look back, but Andy had appeared to say something.

“Bless you!” Nasim and Jenny said in unison.

You mouthed thanks and leaned back against the wall, replaying the scene over and over again.

“Thinking about Hader again?” Jenny asked, following your line of sight, as she nudged you in the side playfully.

“Jenny! Not too loud, he might hear you.” you frantically whispered, a stern look aglow in your eyes.

“Oh honey, it’s so obvious.” Nasim chimed in, Jenny nodding eagerly in response.

“Plus he’s too far away, you’re more than safe Y/N, I think it’s cute that you like him. All the more reason to make fun of you.” Jenny says quickly before she is shoved by Nasim.

“I’m joking! I’m joking! Okay maybe not fully joking.” Jenny yelps, giving you a wicked grin.

You groaned, rubbing your hands over your eyes in embarrassment. It was so bad, crushing on cast members, but man, was he handsome. Although you had denied it, a lot of your favorite sketches from the past weeks always seemed to involve Hader.

It was not like it was gonna go anywhere; you two barely spoke, and plus you’d probably be a mess if you did. Every now and then, though, you’d often find Hader sitting beside you at table reads. His laugh is always so goddamn infectious, and Jenny and Nasim eyeing you playfully like schoolgirls.

God, you were a mess, and it seemed like everyone knew it. Maybe even Hader knew; let’s hope he doesn’t.

“You know Y/N, I’ve never seen Hader as shy as he is when he’s around you. I mean the man literally sniffed my hair yesterday,” you quirk a brow, “But- but with you, he’s soft” Nasim’s voice crowds your thoughts, and you instantly look up to meet her in disbelief.

“Bullshit.” you retort, trying to ignore whatever attempt she was trying to make.

“Girl, you’ve kind of got a point. He’s not as jokey as he usually is whenever he’s around you Y/N.” Jenny adds, only to be interrupted by Lorne calling for a meeting.

Ah, how could you forget? Dress Rehearsal. While these days didn’t run as long as the others, they were equally draining and stressful. The three of you walked to Lorne’s office just in time as the rest of the cast stood beside you.

You felt yourself to begin to shiver unexpectedly, hugging yourself tightly. Since when was 30 Rock so cold? You felt Nasim look at you questioningly, and you shrugged her off.

Lorne had discussed the skits’ arrangements for the day, murmurs of excitement beginning to spread like wildfire around the room. Everyone just itches to get out and see if their sketch would succeed or bomb.

You took your seat in the audience as the sketches would come and go, meeting your cues whenever necessary. At the same time, your painkillers had seemed to wear off as your headache only seemed to get worse.

You made your way backstage to find the building’s first aid kit, only to brush past another coworker. That just so happened to be Bill Hader.

You opened your mouth, but nothing came out, slowly clamping it shut; his eyes met yours in slight confusion before softening slightly.

“Woah, hey Y/N, everything okay? You were in kind of a hurry there.” he asks; you could barely meet his eyes as they searched yours for any sort of response.

“Oh,” you gulped, “Yeah I just have this crazy headache, um I was just looking for the first aid kit.” you say, shifting the balance on your one foot to the other. 

His eyes widened before nodding quickly as if he was just reminded of something. The butterflies in your stomach crescendo as he quickly rested his palm upon your shoulder. You didn’t even know how to act, your body practically freezing at the contact.

“Actually to save you the trouble I have some painkillers upstairs in my dressing room. Not that I have like tons of drugs, but it’s no problem with me if that’ll help your headache.”

You quickly nod in response, trying to hide back a small smile before following him up several flights of stairs. God, you hated being so shy around Bill; it wasn’t like he was some mean old jerk; he was oh so genuine and thoughtful.

The two of you halt at a labeled Hader door; he looks back at you almost to check if you’re still there. Opening the door, he led you in, giving you a quick smirk, before crouching down and digging through the contents of his bag.

You had realized that this was the first time that you had ever been in a specific cast member’s dressing room. In particular, Hader’s room was neat and tidy, but you could see bits and pieces of his character sticking out. You couldn’t help but smile at it all, so caught up in the intricate details you didn’t even notice him get back up.

“Y/N, you good?” he asks; you focus your attention back on him quickly.

His hands outstretched, one holding a bottle of Advil and the other clamped tightly around a water bottle.

“Oh, um yeah. Thank you so much you have no idea how much I appreciate you for doing this.” you say rather quickly, but Hader doesn’t seem phased by your awkward nature.

You reach for the bottle and water, fingers gently brushing against his. The two of you looking down at the contact before parting ways.

Hader clears his throat, and you feel your stomach begin to tighten. Slipping two pills into your mouth, you unscrew the cap and down it carefully.

“You nervous about tomorrow?” he asks while placing the pill bottle back within his bag.

“A little I guess, I mean I tend to get nerves closer to the show. I’m sure at this point though, you’ve become an expert at staying calm.” you reply, his gaze falling towards the floor.

“Oh my god, I’m a wreck Y/N. This show is so stressful it eats at me every week, no matter what. I mean, clearly I’m doing something right and Lorne’s not gonna fire me, but, my anxiety gets so bad.” he says quickly. His eyes widened, and his posture became slightly tenser than before.

You couldn’t help but soften your gaze; you had no idea that he even went through this every week. Even now, with the buzzing tension in the air for tomorrow night, you couldn’t imagine what he was going through. Let alone the fact that he made the time to help you out.

“I wouldn’t have ever noticed,” he looks back up at you. “I mean, you’ve always just looked so...confident. I just can’t even begin to imagine what’s that like, every week constantly. I’m so sorry you have to go through that.” you quietly admit.

He shakes his head quickly, putting out a hand almost as if he was trying to stop you.

“No, no, it’s fine. Thank you though, it’s awfully sweet to hear that. Especially from someone like you.” Hader’s eyes filled with such warmth.

Was Hader blushing? Or were you losing it? Probably losing it.

“Oh about that headache, everything okay up in there?” he murmurs, stepping just a tad bit closer to you.

“It’s probably nothing, but I do appreciate the help.” you look back at the door, “We should probably get back? Right? Don’t wanna miss our dress.” you say quickly.

Hader nods within an instant, eyes widening at the realization of how long you two had been gone for. He led you to the door, giving you a quick smile before he ran out, murmuring something about a skit that had something to do with the guest host.

You giggle softly, heaving a contented sigh. It definitely was gonna be a long day, and you could’ve sworn that the temperature had just dropped.

Strange.

-

You couldn’t have stumbled into it until at least one in the morning, but sleep had been desperately calling your name. Oh, how you missed having a regular sleep schedule; it would make mornings less of a struggle.

Except this morning was different, or more so than you were used to. The headache that had arrived less than twenty-four hours earlier was now ten times worse. Your body ached, and you couldn’t decipher if the bed was too hot or too cold.

This was torture, and quite possibly the flu, not to mention, you had the show tonight, shit. You practically sprang upwards before feeling the instant aftermath of that decision settling in. It felt absolutely criminal to leave those sheets as you groaned and grimaced your way towards your kitchen cabinet. Eyes barely opened while you blindly searched for the thermometer you had kept.

One quick temperature check later, you were running a low-grade fever. Shit, shit, shit, shit. I mean, you couldn’t miss the show, right? It just didn’t seem plausible, or maybe it did?

You frantically wondered while your fingers grazed over the Google search bar whether going to work with a low-grade fever would be beneficial?

Every answer didn’t really seem to fit the unrealistic expectations that you had set for yourself. Still, one disgusting shot of Dayquil later, you were out the door.

The day went by in a haze, and the headache never really did seem to falter. It was almost like yesterday in a sense, but seeing Hader waltz into the room made you smile. He smiled back.

Of course, Jenny and Nasim knew something was up; they always did. It wasn’t like Lorne was gonna fire you for missing one show; it was the flu. Except, you had made it this far, how bad could it possibly go?

-

The lights were too bright, far too bright for you to even think properly, and your fever was sure burning up. Or maybe it wasn’t, you always had to ask others around for that sorta assistance. Except, this was the primary night of the week and you weren’t gonna ask a cast member to feel your forehead.

Imagine if Hader did, Y/N, please stop being a dork.

You found solace in a large water bottle, but it didn’t do much to help the way your body ached miserably. You looked like a mess, you felt like a mess, but this was the big leagues.

The last time you had checked, the previous performance of the musical guest had been underway. Which meant you had survived, but the exhaustion that had been ever-growing was begging for you to lay down.

The floor looked so good right now, yeah, just for a hot second, ugh why is everything burning up?

Slowly closing your eyes, you let yourself press up against the wall, except there wasn’t a wall right there, and down you went with a thud.

-

Bill had been anxious all night, of course for the show, but for you in particular. You usually always looked so put-together, but tonight something about you was just off. It was beginning to rub him the wrong way.

“Andy, do you notice anything strange about, um, Y/N over there?” he said, trying to muffle the concerned edge that rested within his voice.

“Y/N? Oh that new cast member you like?” Andy replied without much thought, earning a stern look from Hader.

“She’ll hear you, god man you sure can be loud. Whatever, she just looks kind of off man, I’m a little nervous for her.”

Andy’s gaze softened just a tad until something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye.

“I mean normally I would say that she looks fine and you’re just crushing, but I don’t think that is normal.” Bill’s gaze instantly locked onto the same thing, which was you fainting onto the floor.

His body going rigid before ultimately bolting upright, he wasn’t gonna catch you in time. Still, he definitely was gonna help if he could. Although he most definitely wasn’t the only one, other stray coworkers who happened to be backstage stood, jaws dropped.

There you went, tumbling to the ground, and Bill couldn’t help but feel his heart drop. Maybe that headache was worse than you had let up. He felt guilty for not speaking up sooner, but there was nothing he could do now.

They called a medic on the site, trying to keep it discreet as possible. It was a live show; he didn’t think it would be professional if broadcasted that shit.

He tried to fill in all of the details of how you had been acting the past few hours. It felt like he couldn’t do much to help, but he didn’t wanna leave your sight. It was odd; something about you really drew him in, leaving him reaching for more.

Plus, at this point, the last thing he had to do was go on stage while they rolled the credits. Bill was optimistic that this would count as a good reason.

He watched anxiously while the medic’s placed you upon a stretcher, his feet following without much thought. They wheeled you out to a waiting ambulance; he gulped at the thought of you having to be taken to the hospital.

Surprisingly they allowed him inside the ambulance; he was so convinced he’d be forced to wait until god knows how long. The vehicle provided seats off the side, allowing him to catch his breath and try not to worry about his current state.

That is until he saw you looking back groggily at him; now, this was definitely normal, as the medic had explained. He just didn’t see it coming; you blinked a few times, looking around at your surroundings.

-

“Hey, saw you took a little snooze there.” he teased, his gaze never leaving yours.

The ambulance rattled slightly, and you gasped a little before focusing your attention back onto him.

“Is this an ambulance? What happened?” you sat upright, feeling ten times worse, trying to piece together precisely why you and Bill Hader, of all people, were in the ambulance?

“Y/N, you fainted. The doctor’s said you’re burning up, they’re taking you to the ER.” he explained carefully, as you groaned in frustration.

He cocked his head slightly, clearly not expecting that response.

“About that, yeah I think I have the flu, I had a low-grade fever this morning.” you admitted sheepishly, not even daring to meet his gaze.

“I’m sorry what?” he exclaimed, his eyes as wide as literal saucers. “Lemme get this straight, you went to work, with the flu?” you nodded, and he ran his hands over his face.

“Listen, I didn’t wanna disappoint Lorne. I mean it’s the night of all nights.” the words came out softer than you had intended; Hader practically melted.

“Oh, did you really think that Lorne’s gonna get pissed at you for having the flu? Oh sweetie, you know your health comes first right?” his words falling ever so sweetly off his lips.

You could barely look at the man, let alone control the multitude of butterflies that jolted in your already queasy stomach. Not to mention that he even thought to tag along, you nodded, not saying a word, focusing on his blue eyes like they were a safety net. Until you closed them, letting sleep overtake you.

-

You awoke once more to the sounds of machines beeping, people going from room to room, and an incessant tapping of one’s shoe.

This was most definitely the emergency room, your eyes scanning its surroundings until they landed on one person in particular. He looked exhausted, more so than you did, and you felt awful given the time it was at night. In fact, it was practically morning.

“You’re still here,” he sat upright, rubbing his eyes, “Thanks for sticking it out, Bill.” you tried to give him the most genuine smile you could possibly muster.

“Of course, I mean I overheard the doctor anyway. You’re cleared to go when you wake up, and definitely have to get some rest. I already spoke to Lorne.” you gaped, but he only stood up.

“Bill, what did he say?” you whisper.

“That you should listen to the doctor, and me.” you raised a brow. “Okay maybe he didn’t say me, but you get the point?” he exclaimed as he helped you get out of the bed.

The two of you walking towards the desk in which you had to sign out some papers, the pen unsteadily perched upon your fingers. Bill’s hand holding securely upon your back, in hopes you wouldn’t stumble. In reality, just being near him set your heart aflutter.

“Now I’m taking you home, but first I was thinking I could get you some soup for home. That sound good?” you could only look at the man in pure awe.

“You don’t have to do this Bill, really, I mean you’ve already done enough.” you gulped, only to see the man give you a smirk, his eyes glinting at you mischievously.

“Soup it is.” his hand clamping against yours, he led you out of the hospital and into the cold streets of New York City.

It didn’t take long for the two of you to reach the little soup shop he’d been talking about; it was cozy and apparently open twenty-four seven. Against his offer, you paid for two soups that looked the most delicious and cupped the cups while strolling back to your place.

“How do you think you got the flu?” he asked gently, looking at you with curiosity.

You had to try not to laugh; I mean, at this point, it was your fault, you subjected yourself to the tundra in your bedroom for the past few nights.

“Well, my heater has been broken for the past few nights. I assume that’s how I got it.” a smile aglow upon your face, giggling at Hader’s shocked expression.

“It better be fixed tonight when we get to your apartment complex. That’s ridiculous, Y/N.” you kept giggling, and soon he joined in with that gorgeous laugh of his.

You enjoyed your time with Hader even though internally you felt like shit; he made it so much more bearable. The air was light between the two of you, he made it easy to open up, and you wanted to know so much about him.

God, wait till you let Nasim and Jenny know about this night. They’re so gonna flip; you just knew it. Not to mention, the big looming ‘I told you so’ that was so coming your way.

“This is it.” he came to a halt, admiring the quaint little building that you happened to call home.

“You do know I’m not leaving until that heater is back on, right?” he ordered, but underneath his serious tone, you could see the concern.

“Oh come on Hader, let’s go see.”

The two of you taking the steps at a time, your body wanting to collapse, but you couldn’t let him know. He stood beside you while you inserted your keys into the lock, twisting it, before walking inside.

“What’s that rattling noise?” Hader wondered aloud.

A huge grin meeting your lips, you looked at him in pure delight, and he soon got the memo. His eyes widening before heaving a sigh of relief, only to halt.

“You call me if you need anything okay? Get some sleep, and um, stay warm. That’s an order, you hear me?” you could see his performance wavering as he tried desperately not to laugh.

“Yes, Sir.” you saluted weakly, but he only began to break instantly.

You really did love that laugh.

Thanks, Bill, for everything, really.” you said as he turned to head to the door, stepping up on your toes to give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

His face instantly turned red before trying to compose himself as he walked away. You watched while he left the residence, giving you one last smile.

-

You awoke in a drowsy stupor that next morning to a text message from an unknown number.

Unknown Number: Want me to bring you some coffee and breakfast? - btw, this is Bill. Hope this l wasn’t too creepy. I ain’t no stalker.

Maybe: Bill: ps. How do you like your coffee?

Bill: ps.s yes or no?

You fell back on the bed with such a shit-eating grin, only to groan in response to the mistake you had just made.

You: Yes 

#@broadwayandnetflix #bill hader imagine #bill hader x reader #bill hader x you #bill hader #fluff #angst #snl #Saturday Night Live #andy samberg #nasim pedrad #jenny slate #2021

[jesussavedevenme]

To Be A Knight

This is the beginning of a collection of one shots following Seth's adventures as a Knight of the Dawn

Description: Like most young boys Seth had always dreamed of being a spy. He had spent most of his childhood sneaking around the house with a walky-talky while humming the Mission Impossible theme song. And while he technically still wasn't a spy,he was pretty darn close.

May 20

St.Matthew's Island, Alaska

6:25 pm

"Sorenson, I've got a job for you." came a gruff voice from down the hall. Seth turned and saw his handler, a man by the name of Flynn Hotching, leaning out of the door to his office. Flynn was a tall and strong man with a broad frame. At fifty five he was in excellent shape and the only indications to his age were the flecks of white that were sprinkled throughout his dark hair and neatly trimmed beard. Flynn was a serious man and often gave off an intimidating vibe, but Seth knew that he wasn't that bad once you got to know him.

Seth stood, ignoring the way his back popped and cracked in protest because of how long he had spent sitting in the rather uncomfortable wooden chair. He had once started a petition to replace them with those really comfortable bean bag chairs. He actually had quite a few supporters. But Flynn, being the man he was, just rolled his eyes and walked away. Seth could feel the stares of his fellow knights burning into the back of his head as he made his way over but opted to ignore it. Seth got missions quite frequently, a fact that many knights were slightly jealous of since it would occasionally get him out of some the more mundane tasks a Knight had to complete. For example, paper work. Which is what he had been doing when he had been called. He quickly made his way over, eager to get away from the evil sea of inevitable paper cuts. He couldn't help but chuckle as he mentally heard Eve calling him a drama queen. Though she wasn't much better.

Flynn barely waited for the door of his to close behind him before he began pouring out the details of whatever job he had lined up.

" There's a dealer that's been causing us some problems. They are preying on creatures such as unicorns and there has been some rumors that they are working with some less than savory characters. I need you to track them down. " Flynn stated firmly. Seth narrowed his eyes, there was no way it was that easy. If it was that simple then they would have brought in a rookie.

"Ok, what's the catch." He replied crossing his arms over his chest.The man heaved a sigh before sliding a file towards him.

" The catch is we don't have any idea who the dealer is. We don't even have a description. However, all of our dealers crimes have a certain flare to them and we have reason to believe that he is human. We have intercepted news of a deal taking place in three days in Belize. "

Seth read the file and whistled at the lack of information. The file was extremely limited which meant that whoever was doing this knew what they were doing. The Knights of the Dawn had excellent connections and kept tabs on every possible threat so for them to be this uninformed- well lets just say it wasn't good. It also meant he was walking into this mission completely blind. He couldn't plan for anything meaning he had to plan for everything. He had no idea what was going to happen once he got there but, if you ask Seth, that was part of the fun.

"Alright I'll do it." Seth replied after a moment of thought. He had to admit he only pretended to think about it, mostly just for the suspense. He had always loved a good mystery and this mission honestly excited him.

"Good, your plane leaves tomorrow at eight am sharp. You will be issued a bag that will be stocked with supplies but I advise you to bring anything you think would be useful" He said gesturing to the satchel over his shoulder, that served as his emergency kit. " I have wired five thousand dollars into your account but if you need more than that you know who to call." Seth nodded, placing the folder in his satchel and walked out of the office, heading to his apartment to prepare for the mission ahead. He pulled his coat tighter around his body as he walked outside and realized that it was later than he had originally thought. The sun was just beginning to dip below the horizon and though Seth loved the pinks and oranges that painted the sky, he could practically feel the temperature dropping. Last time he had checked it was 25 degrees, which is no where near as cold as it could get but it was still very cold. Despite how long he had been in Alaska, he had yet to get used to the bitter cold. And he honestly didn't think he ever would. Seth guessed he should count himself lucky, this was the Knights biggest base and it had been cleverly hidden by distractor spells as well as the natural terrain of the island. Seth shivered as a strong gust of wind blew through the base reminding him of the other reason it stayed hidden from most people. Luckily he lived on the grounds of the base so it was only about a minutes walk.

The Knights of the Dawn had no shortage of money. Seth wasn't sure how they got there hands on so much money and honestly he didn't want to know. It was all warranted though considering how many supplies they had to buy along with the amount of damage control. It was amazing sometimes how much chaos a secret organization could cause. Seth knew he definitely wasn't the favourite over in the legal department because of some of the 'incidents' that had been a result of his missions. Seth was proud to be able to state that these incidents were few and far between but when they did happen he knew they had to be a nightmare to clean up.

Needless to say, with all that money, his apartment was very nice. It had a decent size living room and kitchen which connected go a small dining area. Upstairs there was two bedrooms and a bathroom. Seth's furniture was pretty sparse if he was being honest. He had a couch that had been there when he moved in, his bed, a desk, a small dining table that has also come with the apartment, as well as few chairs scattered here and there. It didn't bother him in the slightest. He honestly wasn't here that often. He slept there when he wasn't out on missions which, once again, was pretty rare. Besides the real fun began downstairs. He walked down the stairs into what appeared to be a musty, unfinished basement. A punching bag hung from one of the exposed beams and a small pile of weights sat not far from it. Seth rarely used those, they were reserved for restless nights when the big communal gym and training area was closed for the night.

Seth strode confidently towards the back wall and slid away a lose board revealing a keypad. It was truly a horrible hiding spot for something that important but there wasn't really anything he could do about it. The neat thing about the keypad though was that it had been enchanted so that he was the only one who could touch it. Meaning that not only did you need the correct code, but he had to be the one to punch it in. He wasn't exactly sure what would happen if someone else touched it but he knew it would do more than just set off an alarm. Stuff like always made Seth feel like a true spy and totally made up for the unsecured hiding space.

Seth punched in the code and heard the distinct sound of stone scraping on stone, briefly reminding him of his few days spent in the Sphinx's prison. When the sound stopped, a small opening was revealed that lead to a room containing his weapons and supplies. From the outside the room appeared to be tiny and cramped but it had also been enchanted to be much bigger on the inside. It wasn't quite as big as the knapsack they had all those years ago but it was nothing to sneeze at. Still, no matter how big it was on the outside, Seth had to crouch down to fit through the opening. The door frame was ridiculously short and the amount of time he had smacked his head against the top was honestly embarrassing. The supplies inside the room was a knights dream. There was everything you could dream of, swords, daggers, armor, bows, you name it. The special thing about this room though, was that most of the items were his. They were things he had gathered prior to becoming a knight. Seth also had several magical talismans and tools that had gotten him out of more than a few sketchy situations. His favorite talisman was a ring that sat on his right forefinger. The ring had been a gift from The Fairy King when Seth had been accepted into the Knights Academy. It was pitch black and didn't look like much at first glance however, when you looked closer you could see three unicorns that were engraved on its surface, each of which served more functional purposes. The first unicorn, when pressed, sent out a distress signal strong enough to reach Bracken even if he was in the fairy realm. The distress signal also went out to anyone who had a connected talisman. At this point the only ones being himself and Kendra who had gotten hers when she officially began dating Bracken in the form of a bracelet. The second unicorn held a few precious drops of unicorn blood. The substance could heal almost anything but it could only be used once. The final unicorn was arguably Seth's favorite. When it was pressed it would release a pearly white dagger which had been extremely helpful in the past. The downside to this tool was that, since it was made of light, he tended to have a harder time controlling it.

Seth looked through his stash, trying to decide which weapons were right for this particular mission. He knew at this point stealth was key but if you leave for a job without a weapon, you're just going to get yourself killed.

When going on stealth missions the best route to take is small weapons that can be easily concealed, such as daggers or blow darts. However, the problem with that was those were easily detected when going through airport security. Ever since becoming a knight Seth had decided that he hated flying. It was loud, chaotic, and absolutely impossible to tell who was a danger to you.

Plus carrying weapons onto the plane was pretty much impossible but, a knight needed to be prepared in every situation. The weapon had to be easily accessible, ready at a moments notice, and the best way to do that is to build a weapon that doesn't look like a weapon. Seth walked over to a small red tool box tucked away in the corner, and pulled out a large nut and and tied a piece of cord to it. He secured the cord and then started to spin it, making sure nothing was going to fall off. And just like that he had a weapon that made a killer whip and could easily crack a mans skull if it came down to that. The best part was that it wouldn't trip any alarms. Sure it might seem a little odd that someone carries a piece of cord tied to a nut but, he wouldn't get arrested for it. Seth tied the lose cord around his neck, creating a necklace that he could hide underneath his shirt until it was needed. When that was finished he turned his attention to his emergency kit and sifted through the various items, taking out anything that would tip off a scanner. Seth gathered the items that he had taken out and moved towards the suitcase that he would be taking with him. He felt around one of the sides and unzipped a pocket so small that you most likely wouldn't see unless you knew it was there. In the pocket he placed the remaining items of his emergency kit. This time he wasn't worried about the items being seen as the pocket had been enchanted to hide the items from sight. Seth then repeated the process with the bottom of the suitcase, peeling back the inside to reveal a similar compartment that had also been enchanted to be bigger. In this pocket he placed two daggers, A blow gun and darts, and his favorite sword. He pulled the sword out of it's sheath and inspected it for any chips or dull edges. The sword was jet black and held the name Shadow Slayer, which was kind of ironic given its nature. The sword held just enough darkness to work well with him but not so much that there was a risk it would corrupt him. He had found the sword while on a mission for the fairy realm not long before joining the Knights. He was pretty sure he wasn't going to use it because lets face it, milk or no milk a sword was still a sword. However, Seth had learned that it payed to be prepared. So with that thought in mind, he placed the sheathed sword in the compartment, closed it up, and began to carry it upstairs to his bedroom. He filled the rest of the suit case with clothes and other essentials and once he was satisfied that he had everything, he closed it up.

He slumped down in his desk chair and pulled out the file he had stashed in his emergency kit, pouring over what little detail it had and attempting to prepare for what was to come.

†††††

May 21

St.Matthews Island, Alaska

5:00am

The next morning Seth was up well before five am preparing for the mission ahead. Thankfully he had always been a morning person so the early hour didn't bother him in the slightest. He grabbed his bags and exited the apartment, heading to the missions office to pick up the final things he would need for this job.

The lady at the desk, He pretty sure her name is Jennifer, smiled at him as he approached the counter. She was a women in her mid thirties and she was one of the nicer people that worked the desk. There were quite a few of the people working here that obviously didn't want to and others who even seemed to resent it. Seth really couldn't blame them though, he had worked here for a few months while he was going through training and it definitely hadn't been the most fun or exciting job out there.

" ID and case number?" She asked as more of a formality than anything else. Seth was such a regular visitor that he was pretty sure they knew who he was. However, since it was required, he slid showed them his badge and rattled the number off anyway. Seth supposed that he coukd see the logic behind the badge. It was a way of identifing someone beyond ther looks. All of them had been enchanted fo return to their owners, generally via their pocket, should they be lost. Seems simple and secure enough. However, in their line of work things were rarely that black and white. Seth is not entirely sure what would happen to the badge if their was a stingbuld or if the enchantment could be removed. Luckily they didn't do much. They were just means of identification and they didn't let you into anything at all. Any area qhich required a certain level of access had several different enchantments placed on it. Ones that were designed to recognize the person requesting access and weed out potential imposters. After the battle of Zzyzx and the whole mess with the Evening Star, the knights had undergone huge security upgrades. Bracken as well as one of his sisters, Iredessa, had set mist of the enchantments. Kendra had also played a major part on strengthening these enchantments a few years ago.

The case numbers were pretty harmless. Not the most secure but all they did was let the people at the desk know what bag of supplies to get. It didn't give access to any crucial or confidential information. The most a fake could get was an issued duffle bag and possibly some.plane tickets.

Jennifer smiled as she stood and disappeared through a secured metal door. When she returned a few minutes later she was carrying a black duffle bag which she passed to him over the counter along with a two way plane ticket.

"Thanks a lot," Seth told her, flashing a bright smile her way. She hummed in response before responding,

"Stay safe out there,"

"I'll try my best," Seth replied with a grin as he headed towards the door and began the short treck to the parking lot where a car would take him to the airport. He knew he must have looked a little funny carrying around a huge duffle bag, suit case and a leather satchel that sat across his shoulder but he wasn't worried. Every Knight here had been in similar situations before. Seth looked around the parking lot, squinting in the bright morning sun, before making his way to the small grey jeep that sat close to the front. Leaning against the side was a tall guy with wind blown red hair and a lean build. Seth smiled when he spotted him. The man's name was Parker and he was one of Seth's closest friends here on the base. They had gone through training together though, Parker was about three years older than him. He was twenty-four while Seth was only twenty-one. Seth, unfortunately, hadn't had a lot of friends at that time. Because of his shadow charmer status, people tended to be wary of him but Parker had never been deterred by his abnormal abilities.

In between his own missions Parker volunteered to drive Knights back and forth to the airport. Due to Seth's frequent missions, the two usually ended up paired together.

"Another one Sorenson? Didn't you just finish that one in Sweeping Pine preserve like a week ago?"

" Yeah, Jealous?" Seth teased, raising his eyebrows. Parker laughed and shot a playful glare at the taller boy. Despite Parker's tall height, he was still at least and inch shorter than Seth. Though to be fair, not many people were taller than Seth. A fact that many people found unsettling.

" Just a little bit dude. What, you trying to show the rest of us up or something?" Parker laughed back, poking Seth in the side as he got into the car. Seth rolled his eyes as he loaded his bags into the car before following Parker's lead. They road in silence for several minutes as Parker navigated his way out of the crowded base and set up the directions to the international airport. It wasn't everyday that a Knight flew internationally for a mission. Generally if they were going to somewhere outside the country they were going to a preserve and would have to be flown there by helicopter or other means. So while it did happen, it didn't happen often.

Seth used the temporary quiet to unzip the bulky duffle bag and look at its contents.

Looking into his bag for a mission and seeing the certain supplies or gadgets still made him a bit giddy. Like most young boys, Seth had always wanted to be a spy. He had spent most of his childhood sneaking around the house with a cheap walky-talky while humming the mission impossible theme song. And while he technically wasn't a spy, he was pretty darn close. One of the common misconceptions about the Knights of the Dawn was that they didn't use any human or modern technology such as computers and other gadgets to do their job. However that was far from true. Sure they tended to avoid it when dealing directly with magical creatures, but they often used these gadgets for things such reconnaissance.

Inside the bag was some of the things you would expect such a binoculars and many more that you wouldn't expect. Seth's favorite part of these bags were the small box near the bottom that generally came with each one. The box contained different potions that you might need for the mission. Seth had always found potions to be fascinating. There had even been a time that he had considered going into the field himself. For this particular mission he had been given a night vision potion which was pretty self explanatory, An eavesdropping potion that enhanced his hearing and allowed him to listen in on a conversation without getting too close, and a form of truth serum that would loosen the lips of of someone you wish to get information from. There was at least three bottles of each along with the normal defense and first aid potions that were added. Such as, the gaseous potion, a potion for pain, a salve for injuries and many more. On top of that Tanu insisted on making sure that Seth was always stocked with his own personal set of potions. Tanu usually supplied him with more gaseous potions, a gummy potion, a giant potion, a new potion that enhanced his focus and his reflexes, as well as plenty of first aid related ones. He seemed to be convinced that Seth would end up seriously injured on every mission. Though sadly, Seth could admit, that the worry wasn't completely unfounded. Other than the potions, the bag contained an enchanted communicator, a few listening devices, a laptop, and a few other useful knick knacks.

" Got anything good in there?" Parker questioned.

" You bet," Seth replied holding up the box of potions that was in his bag even knowing that with his friends eyes on the road and so Parker probably couldn't see them. Parker laughed anyway not needing his eyes to know what Seth was referring to.

" Seth, I swear I have never seen anyone get so excited over potions before."

" What can I say, I'm a simple guy," He replied earning a scoff from Parker.

" Uh huh, says the literal Shadow Charmer who has a mission every other week," The pair laughed once again and fell into an easy back and forth banter. Continuing there shenanigans until they pulled into the airport. It was then, as much as he, loathed to do it he bid Parker farewell , thanked him for the ride, and walked into the crowded airport.

Arriving at the airport was just as hectic as he expected it to be. Of course it was crazy for everyone but, it was even more so when you are constantly looking over your shoulder or waiting to get stopped by airport security. Thankfully he was able to board the plane okay even if his makeshift weapon did raise a few eyebrows.

Something Seth had learned was that a knight should always fly economy. It may not be the most comfortable but few people would start a fight with that many witnesses around. Plus it was easier to blend in. A tee shirt and some jeans and you were all set. Ready to settle in for a long flight.

Seth popped one ear bud in his ear but left the other out in order to let him hear incoming threats. Seth found it impossible to sleep on a plane, no matter how long the journey was, because of the unknown circumstances. It would be difficult to keep an eye on people and to know who was a threat. Unlike Kendra, Seth hated reading. Only a few books had every managed to hold his attention for any.period of time. He was too restless. He would much rather be doing something outside. Moving and exploring. He didn't mind doing art, sketching being his favorite. However, that was difficult to do in a crowded, bunny plane. So Seth resigned himself to a long ride half listening to music and ignoring the guy beside him who vaguely smelled like onions.

††††

May 22

Corazol, Belize

4:45 pm

Seth stretched his stiff legs as he walked from baggage claim to the exit of the airport. He breathed deeply and relished the feeling of the sun on his skin, even though he knew he would quickly become hot. But, after a long eight and a half hour flight, they were welcome changes. He glanced at the clock hung on the wall and noted the time. He knew that Corazol Belize was about two hours ahead of Alaska. Not that it mattered. Seth was pretty much immune to jet lag at this point. Not necessarily because of the constant travel, though that certainly helped, but because of the erratic and uncertain sleep schedule he had become used to while on any mission. His body had become well trained in sleeping whenever it was told. The only thing that interrupted this was nightmares but he rarely got those while on missions because his mind was too focused on other things. Seth would never admit it but that's one of the reasons he takes on as many missions as they will give him.

Seth's hotel was not far from the airport so he opted to walk there. He had done some research the night before and found a hotel that he rented under the name of Roger Alpine. The Knights would usually rent one for you but Seth preferred to do it himself. To say the hotel he chose was run down would be putting it nicely. The paint was peeling horribly from the siding and it was definitely not on the nicest side of town. The rooms were separated from the outside by a door with A flimsy looking lock, something Seth would secure once he had settled in. The room held a musty scent mixed with the smell of cigarette smoke. There was a bed in the center of the room, covered in some unsettling stains, a side table and lamp beside it, and a desk under the window. The window itself had a pair of thin ratty curtains and crooked blinds. There wasn't much Seth could do about the window, except string up a blanket, which he did. Opening his suitcase and removing his clothes, he opened the hidden compartment. From inside he took out the pieces of his emergency kit that he had stashed. He also opened up the duffle bag he had and pulled out a few other various knick knacks that he thought he might find useful. He then empty the remaining items into the compartment at the bottom of his suitcase. Leaving the duffle bag empty. This was.common practice for Seth in a place like this. He didn't want to leave his unused supplies in a relatively unprotected duffle bag while he was away. Unfortunately this was something Seth had learned the hard way.

In the end Seth was left with: the box of potions, a rope, a small bottle which held a thin dust that immediately soaked into the skin upon contact allowing the victim to be tracked, dark sunglasses (which did indeed have a camera and microphone installed) , a slingshot, some marbles( which as Seth had found were great for distractions), binoculars, and a pair of ear buds. All of these things were packed neatly into his emergency kit, ready for use. He still had his makeshift weapon secured around his neck and two knife secured in a holster and strapped to each of his legs. He had glanced mournfully at his sword but knew that it would only draw in wanted attention. Besides today wasn't about getting into a fight. Today was about exploring Corazol and getting a lay of the land. Still it played to be prepared, hence the knives. Finally, satisfied that he was ready, Seth left the dingy hotel room and began to wander along the streets. Searching for anything that might lead him in the right direction.

Corazol was a quaint little sea side town. You could smell the salt in the air, carried by the cool breeze. Corazol was small in population but it also had its fair amount of tourists. Especially right now with summer just around the corner. The busy streets were lined with street vendors all vying for his attention but Seth was more interest in searching his surroundings. The smells coming from said street vendors were heavenly and caused his stomach to crumble loudly reminding him that not only had he not eaten breakfast this morning, but that he had been walking for over an hour. Technically he could have rented a car, he definitely had the funds for it, and most Knights probably would. However Seth, was not most Knights. He didn't like rental cars for many reasons, one because it was easier to see a car and a license plate then just someone walking in a crowd. Two, every rental car was required to have trackers and such in them to prevent theft which was fine in most cases but problematic for him. That wasn't necessarily a huge risk but it was still one Seth wasn't willing to take. Maybe he had grown paranoid, but he was still alive so there's that. Finally he didn't like rental cars because, in his line of work, it was likely to get beaten up or destroyed. Plus having a car would cause him to miss out on the unique sights, sounds, and smells. That is yet another thing Seth loved about his job. It allowed him to travel the world and to see as well as, experience things he would never get to otherwise.

He had to admit this was a good place to go if you were going to hunt for artifacts and magical creatures and then illegally sell them . The Cerror Ruins were only a few miles away and Seth knew that it was a prime spot for missing person's cases, especially when people wandered off alone. He hoped beyond hope that he wouldn't have to venture there during this trip but, that's definitely where he would go if he was an illegal dealer trying to avoid the Knights as well as any other prying eyes and ears. Plus it wasn't exactly a place you would expect anything big to happen. And besides the Cerror Ruins, their wasn't really anything magical about the place. It honestly seemed kind of ordinary. It was perfect because it tended to be overlooked.

After another thirty minutes had past, the rumbling in Seth's stomach became too overwhelming to ignore and he resolved find a place to eat. He stumbled upon a small hole in the wall restaurant that seemed to be pretty popular amongst the locals. Meaning it was the perfect place for Seth to gather some information.

Even though he worked directly with magical creatures, you'd be surprised how many times he had to interact with regular people. The knowledge gathered from these people was often shaky at best and should definitely be taken with a grain of salt. However, this information often helped him form some semblance of an idea. In his experience Seth had learned that regular people noticed a lot more than even they realize. In addition most people never pass up a chance for a good gossip. And since they didn't know how valuable their information was, they were a lot less stingy with it. The only problem you run into is when they begin to ask questions and wonder why you're asking and who you are. When that happens you become the subject of gossip and word will eventually get back to you enemy. That's why Seth hated small towns. The information might be easier to come by, but it was also easier to get caught. And getting caught meant revealing your mission too soon.

In his line of work , timing was everything. Move in too soon and you risk blowing you cover as well as the entire mission. However, if you don't move in quick enough you'll miss your chance to get your guy. That perfect timing came only when you knew you enemy better than they knew themselves. It came from careful observation and lots of Intel.

Gathering Intel was arguably one of the most boring and tedious parts of Seth's job. It involved a lot of waiting, listening, learning, more waiting, and every once and awhile, a well calculated risk. Luckily, for Seth, his shade walking gave him an edge in this particular area. The ability allowed him to get closer to his enemies so he could overhear plans and put together one of his own. However no ability came without its share of risks. He had gotten a lot better at learning to shroud himself in the shadow to help cover his movements when shade walking but it wasn't an exact science. Not adding enough shadow would reveal his position should he happen to move too quickly however, adding too much shadow could be just as revealing.

Seth's favorite way of gathering Intel was doing exactly what he was doing now. Finding a place to eat while he sat back and listened. Small places like the diner he had just entered were prime spots for gossip. Additionally, they gave him an opening to talk with the locals in a relatively unsuspicious way. People tended to loosen up and talk more freely when both parties were eating. Plus it gave Seth a reason to try all the local dishes. Most of which were pretty good. The smell of home cooked food hit his nose the minute he walked through the door making his mouth water so much it was a wonder he didn't start drooling. He was met at the entrance by a plump, kind looking lady, who appeared to be somewhere in her mid fifties judging by the gray streaking through her black hair. The hair was pulled tightly into a bun at the back of her head, accentuating her full rosy cheeks. He apron stated that he name was Rosa which somehow seemed to fit her perfectly, even thought Seth didn't know her. She gave off a very motherly vibe that instantly made Seth feel at home. With a smile she led Seth to a table and asked him for his drink order. To which he replied with a simple black coffee. Coffee was something Seth had quickly become addicted when he became a Knight. It often helped him through the multiple all nighters he pulled while on a mission. Some minutes later she returned with his coffee, this time ready for his order of food.

" What would you recommend. I'm from out of town so I'm counting on you to hook me up with the good stuff," He said with a wink. Rosa laughed heartily and replied with a thick accent,

" Well only for you I will tell you my personal favorite," She rattled off the name of a dish which sounded completely foreign to Seth but he wasn't going to admit that.

" Ok then, you've talked me into it,.I'll get that," He replied and as Rosa turned to leave he continued, " And could you do me a favor and just wave your little magic wand and take all the fat and calories out for me," Once again Rosa replied with a full bellied laugh.

"You are a funny man. But for you I will have to add extra. Maybe then some of it will stick. You look like you need it," She teased in return before turning a leaving Seth alone once more. He leaned back in his chair, and pulled out his phone. Absent mindedly scrolling through something or another and trying to hide the fact that he was listening to the conversations around him. The diner was loud, making it difficult to discern the voice of only one person. Seth was tempted to use the potion he had that would hone his eyesight and hearing but didn't want to waste it seeing as he only had one. It would be unfortunate to use all of it now at the beginning of the mission when he could need it more later on.

His thoughts were interrupted by Rose who had come with his food. Seth was shocked at how quick the service was seeing as it was rush hour and the small diner was packed to the gills. With the meal she also brought his check. Seth glanced at the check, surprised at the low prices considering the quality of the food.

" Well would you look at that! you must have given me the senior citizen discount!" He paused for the laugh that he had come to expect and then followed up with, "So what are some cool things to do and see while I'm here, anything particularly interesting?"

" Oh well the Cerror Ruins are always a prime spot for tourism but you must be careful to stay on the trails. Too many people wander off and go missing. One of my favorite things is to see the sights at night. The water takes on this stunning color and you can see the star as clear as day. But if you choose that route you best stay away from Devils Tavern. Its on the North end of Corazol, close to the beaches. That place is nothing but trouble, and full of shady characters, especially recently," Rosa said. Rosa was obviously the type of person who talked openly once you got them going. The last part of her sentence caught Seth's attention.

" Really, shady people in this town? Surely not everyone seems so nice,"

" You are young. You haven't seen the darkness of man. People are not always as they seem child," She replied with a sad smile. Seth internally rolled his eyes. If only she knew. " But yes, a week or so ago , this man arrived and came into the diner to eat. He seemed normal enough even if he was a bit rude. However, later that night I saw him outside the Devils Tavern, its on my route home you see, and he was talking in hushed tones with another man. They were standing in the shadows real creepy like. I wasn't really able to hear what they were saying but they didn't sound to happy and they looked like they were planning something, " Rosa finished with a grim look on her face. A look that didn't last long as it was replaced with her usual bright smile.

Seth stored the information away for later, and smiled brightly in return. Acting as if the information had no effect on him at all. Something that had always made Seth a good agent was his poker face. He had a good control over which emotions showed on his face. This was a vast contrast to Kendra who tended to be easily read, like an open book. One with pictures and big letters. A fact that Seth ,and surprisingly Bracken, had teased her relentlessly for.

" Well I won't keep you, thanks for chatting with me . And I will be sure to check out those suggestions," He said, putting an end to the conversation. Seth then dug into his food, nearly moaning at the taste. It was incredibly good. Probably one of the best meals he's had while on a mission. While he ate, he began to sift through the information that he had been given. As always he had to wonder how much of it was true, seeing as people had a tendency to exaggerate. He also couldn't bring himself to believe that Rosa stumbled upon the Devil's Tavern, a place she claimed to despise, on her way home. From what he had seen of Corazol most of the housing was away from that part of the beaches. He wasn't going to completely discredit it but as Rosa had said, people aren't always who they seemed. However, no how much truth there was in the statement, one thing remained true. Tonight he was heading to the Devil's Tavern.

†††††

May 22

Corazol, Belize

10:00pm

Seth walked through the darkened streets. Careful to remain close enough to the street lights so as not to unintentionally shade walk. He had gotten a lot better at controlling it but it still happened from time to time. And he couldn't afford giving himself away like that. Just in case there were eyes watching him that he could not see. He had done a pretty good job of keeping on the down low. After lunch he had wandered around the streets a bit more and then headed to the beaches. Particularly the part of the beach close to the Devil's Tavern. The Devil's Tavern had been relatively quiet during the day. The sign had stated that they were opened but it had seemed oddly empty. That was a stark contrast to what he was seeing now.

The tavern now seemed to be packed to the gills with people. And even more of them were standing outside. Even from where he was standing a few feet away he could hear the loud music that played he could see the bright, colorful lights shiny through the windows. As Seth drew closer he saw a problem. Standing at the door was a big burly man wearing dark sunglasses and a tight short sleeved T-shirt that accented his bulging muscles. He was shorter than Seth, most people were, but he made up for it in width. Seth was considered to have pretty wide shoulders and his years of training had hardened his muscles into steel cords. However, none of this reassured him as he stared at a man that looked like he could snap him in half like a twig. He wasn't scared of the man per say. But, he was definitely cautious.

As Seth approached the man he seemed to be doing his own analysis and his stance showed that he didn't feel even the slightest bit intimidated. Which was fair and actually worked to Seth's advantage He had done his best to tone down the darkness of his aura that seemed to put people on edge. Plus the leather jacket he had opted to wear hit the bulk of his muscles, which weren't overly pronounced to begin with, as well as a few... other tools. Aside from the daggers strapped to his legs and the makeshift weapon around his neck, he had three throwing knives cleverly hidden in the folds of his jacket. Unfortunately, much to Seth's displeasure, he had once again leave his sword behind. As weird as it may sound he felt like the sword gave him a better sense of security than the multiple knives strapped to his body. He was dangerous with both weapons and that was disregarding the fact that he was a shadow charmer. So even without the sword, he was hardly helpless. Still, he always felt oddly bare without it. A look settled on the bouncers face. A look that Seth had often seen on bullies when he was a kid. In the end that was all this guy was. A bully. And obviously he saw Seth as his next victim. However, despite all the scenarios Seth was mentally planning for, all the man did was sneer. Seth did his best to pretend he was scared as he entered the building

The air smelled heavily of alcohol and the music, which had been loud before, now seemed to shake the floor. He immediately began to weave his way through the sweaty bodies packing the room searching for signs of anything that was amiss. You would think that a place with this much chaos would make it harder to find anything let alone one person but for Seth it made it easier. If there was one thing that the file full of its limited information had taught Seth was that this guy was far from careless. He wouldn't risk anything that might loosen his tongue. The rest of the people in this place shared no such caution. So find the guy who can walk a straight line and that was probably who Seth was looking for.

He hadn't been searching for more than five minutes when something caught his eyes. His eyes darted to what had caught his attention and and, confirming his previous suspicions to be true, he found Rosa.

†††††

So there is part one!!!! Most of this collection will be one shots but seeing as this z alone is over seven thousand words I figured I needed to split them up. I will hopefully be able to post the next part very soon. It needs a few touch ups and changes but.other than that its.practically done. This took SOOO much research its not even funny. I'm pretty sure trip advisor things I'm moving to Belize. Anyway I really hope you all like it, it is probably one of my favorite fics to date so let me know what you think. I apologize for any mistakes you may find. Let me know what adventures you want Seth to have in this book or any other requests you have!!!!!

#fablehaven #dragonwatch #fhdw #seth sorenson #Knights of the dawn #i loved writing this one

[dubububbles]

SHINee scenario: idol s/o asks them to collaborate for their comeback song

(I want to request an idol gf scenario to you asking them to collaborate for your comeback song. Thanks a bunch! I love all your scenarios and they’ve picked me up when I had a rough day (same day i found your blog) so thank you so much!)

Requested by anon 

- you’re welcome! ❤️ & thank u for your sweet words! I’m really happy to hear that, it’s why I wanted to do this blog, to make myself and anyone else feel better or smile. I hope this one can also bring some joy to you~ ❤️

Onew: 

“Oh? Why are you here?” You blinked in confusion as Onew stepped inside your dorm uninvited and approached you with a grin. He seemed to be up to something, at least judging from his expression, and it made you feel even more lost. “Did something happen?” 

“I have something to tell you.” He said and grabbed your hand to pull you over to the couch. If he wouldn’t be smiling so much, you would’ve thought he was bringing you bad news. 

“Okay, now you are scaring me a bit… seriously, what’s going on Onew?” 

“It’s nothing bad. In fact, it’s something I think will make you very happy.” he said but you still had no clue what he was about to tell you. “Do you remember when you asked me if we could do a collaboration for a comeback sometime?” 

You quickly realized what he was hinting at and widened your eyes a bit. “No way… can we?” 

He nodded with a proud grin. “We can and we will. I pulled some strings and got us a comeback date schedule for November this year. It should give us enough time to-- ooof!” his words were cut short as you more or less knocked him over in a messy hug.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you! You are seriously the best boyfriend ever!” 

Onew smiled at those words and hugged you back tightly. He then spent the rest of the day in your dorm as you both talked about possible ideas for your new comeback. 

Jonghyun: 

Jonghyun perked up with a grin when you entered the studio and instantly opened his arms for a hug, which you gave him, along with a kiss, and then sat down. 

“You said you had something to show me?” 

He nodded and turned to the computer screen. “I made a demo for our new song and thought you should hear it first.” 

“Oh? Our song?” you blinked a few times and then pointed back and forth between you, to clarify that he was really talking about the two of you, which made him laugh. 

“Yes, our song, y/n. You were the one who brought up the idea for us to have a collab and asked me about it. Remember?” 

You did remember but you didn’t imagine that he would actually make it possible and also have a song ready for you within such a short period of time. He was honestly amazing. 

“How did you compose a song this quickly?” 

“I was thinking about my beautiful girlfriend and it basically wrote itself. Now, do you want to listen to it or not?” 

He teased you with a playful grin and then played the song. While you were both listening to it he also wrapped his arms around you in a loose but comfortable embrace. 

The song had an upbeat feel and fit into the neo-soul genre, along with some of his other masterpieces, which you thought would suit both of you really well. You could already picture how your MV, comeback stage, style and more would look and it made you feel really excited.

Key: 

The idea of having a collab with your boyfriend appeared in your mind randomly one night as you were watching different performances on youtube, specifically some clips from Key’s musicals and his performance of ‘bang bang’ with Tiffany back in 2013. 

He really pulled off the musical theme well and you couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to perform that kind of song together with him. You continued to watch more performances like that and couldn’t let go off the thought, so you eventually reached for your phone and called him. 

“Why are you calling this late? Are you having trouble sleeping?”

“Yes, because of you.” you said along with a small huff. “I was watching some of your performances.” 

“Oh, really? Which one? Born to shine?” he questioned on purpose, since he knew how that particular performance affected you. 

“What? No! N-not that one…” you said and blushed at the mere thought of it. “I was actually watching some of your musical theatre stuff and it made me wonder if we could ever perform something like that together… like… for a comeback?” 

Key perked up at the suggestion and then smiled to himself, since he thought it was a good idea. He also found it cute how you brought the question to him in a shy manner. 

“Sounds good. Let’s do it~” 

“Oh? That was easier than I thought.”

“Why? You thought I would refuse?” He asked and chuckled a bit. “I would love to perform with you y/n. That shouldn’t come as a surprise.” 

You smiled but felt really happy with his words and spent the rest of the night talking about what type of performance you wanted to do.

Minho: 

“When are you going to have a solo album?” 

Minho perked up at the sudden question and then turned to you with a warm smile. “Why are you asking me that out of the blue?” 

“Because…” you trailed off and then frowned a bit to yourself. “I think some people don’t appreciate your vocals enough and you also didn’t have enough room to show it off. It’s not fair, since some people, like me, actually do appreciate it and want more of it. So, therefore, I think you should have a solo. That’s all...” 

Minho chuckled a bit at your words and how you delivered them in a stubborn manner. He also felt really grateful that you always found subtle ways to compliment or support him. 

“I appreciate that y/n but I don’t know if I would want to perform all by myself. It’d feel odd.” 

“Hm then, why don’t you have a collaboration?” 

“Oh? With you?”

“Ah well… yes?” you blushed a bit but also felt excited at the idea of it. Before he had even said anything about it, you already started thinking of what type of genre your song would have, what the lyrics would be about and where you would film the music video. 

“y/n?” 

Minho eventually had to wave a hand in front of your face to get your attention and when he did he smiled and told you that he was definitely on-board with the idea, which made you smile and then hug him tightly.

Taemin: 

“Taemin, do you think we could have a collab sometime? You know, just you and me?” 

Taemin perked up at the question, since he had actually been thinking about the same thing but just hadn’t gotten around to asking you yet. When you brought it up first, he felt really happy and didn’t hesitate to agree. 

“I’ve actually thought about that too. So, we should definitely do it when we have an opening between promotions.”

“Really?” you asked and then smiled in excitement. “Then, what type of concept do you think we should do?” 

“Hm, well… I think it would be interesting to do a dance performance. I mean, a performance where we would tell the story through our dance instead of the lyrics. What do you think?” 

You definitely liked the idea and also found it unique. Taemin had performed modern dance in his songs in the past, so you thought it would be cool to do something similar to that but as a duo. 

Both of you would often sing or dance together for practice or during your free time, so to do it as a comeback, on an actual stage and with an original song sounded very appealing to you and filled you with happiness. 

You were both the main dancer’s of your respective groups, so you definitely had the ability to pull off something amazing and you could hardly wait to do so and take the whole K-pop community by storm.

#shinee #shinee reactions #shinee imagines #shinee drabbles #shinee scenarios #kpop reactions #kpop #kpop scenarios #onew #lee jinki #kim jonghyun #kim kibum #choi minho #lee taemin #5hinee

[thisbrokenmask]

Hallo-Scream!

pairing: female reader x jeon jungkook

genre: humour, fluff

word count: 2,833

rating: PG

warnings: there’s a scary mask but that’s pretty much it tbh

summary: it’s your first october with jungkook and you’re only just finding out how much he loves Halloween - because the other members won’t let him talk about the holiday until october 1st. once midnight ticks over, his planning and pranks are allowed to begin... but you’re his girlfriend, he won’t prank you, right? 

a/n: I know Halloween has been and gone and we’re already nearly in December (eek!), but I finally got round to writing this one. I’m hoping to get my last few Halloween/autumn prompts written before I start posting my Christmassy ones, but this one was written for my ‘Scary Masks’ prompt for @btsholidaybingo​

“3… 2… 1… aaaand we have lift-off!” Jungkook’s cheers are met by groans and shaking heads by everyone else in the room. Everyone, that is, except you, who doesn’t even know what to be groaning at as your boyfriend rubs his hands together mischievously. His wide grin stays on his face even when Tae throws a cushion at him, which you duck to avoid, a small giggle escaping him as he throws it back. 

You’re all sat together in the large living room of the dorms, the lights dimmed to improve the atmosphere of your movie night. You’d been spending more time at the dorms lately and, now that you’d started staying over more frequently, you enjoyed the odd evening when everyone was free to spend time together. Even if Jimin was scrolling through his phone throughout most of the movie, Joon was clearly making notes on his phone more than he was watching and Yoongi looked like he’d definitely fallen asleep in the corner of the sofa, it was nice to simply spend time with everyone in the same room together.

You check your watch to see it’s just ticked over to midnight, but you’re still none the wiser. Your confusion is quickly picked up on by Joon, thankfully, who looks up from his phone and leans slightly closer to explain; “Jungkook counts down until October 1st every year so he can start planning Halloween: we don’t let him talk about it before then or else he’d start talking about it in July.” 

“Really?” you can’t help the laugh that bubbles up in response, more amazed that you never knew your boyfriend loved the holiday so much rather than his month-long dedication to it. You had friends who loved Halloween just as much, planning their costumes and decorations well in advance, but you’d never known your boyfriend was one of those people, too. Admittedly, it had only been mid-November the year before that you’d even started spending more time together, Jungkook having gotten over his shyness around you, and it had been another month before he’d invited you on your first date. 

“Really,” Joon confirms with the air of a tired parent, which only made you chuckle even more. “I hope you’re ready, Y/N. He’ll have been saving up pranks and everything for this month alone.” 

You scoff at that, never having been on the end of anything more than things like Jungkook hiding a door and jumping out at you playfully, if that could even be considered a prank. You didn’t believe he would do anything actually mean to you… would he? What if Joon was right, and he’d been saving up his best pranks all year just to use them on you in the build up to Halloween? You miss the smirk on Joon’s face as he watches this inner turmoil play out on your face: as much as he likes you, he was glad there was another person around this year to fall victim to Jungkook’s scarily brilliant mind when it came to pranks as it meant there was one less chance of it being him. 

You turn back to your boyfriend just as he looks back to you, his cheeks slightly flushed from the impromptu pillow fight that had broken out between him and Tae before it was broken up by a disgruntled Seokjin, who was sat between them. 

Jungkook notices your frown and tilts his head slightly, confusion pulling his eyebrows down even though the smile stays on his lips. “You okay?”  

“You’re not gonna prank me, are you?” the question tumbles past your lips without you putting much thought into it, but it garners a round of laughter from the rest of the room, making you blush. Jungkook grins but the mischief in his eyes softens as he puts his arm around your shoulders, drawing you close to him as he settles back into the sofa cushions, eyes back on the screen. 

“Don’t worry, jagi,” he hums, pressing a kiss to your hair. “I’ll go easy on you.”

Within a week, you begin to understand why Jungkook’s Halloween talk was limited to the month of October. Every time he saw you, be it between dance practices, recordings, writing sessions or whatever else they had planned, he would bring up something to do with the spooky holiday. He had an exhaustive list of costumes, most of which were couple themed this year now that he had you in his life, and had been collecting decor ideas for the dorm in a dedicated folder on his phone. You’d even heard Seokjin and Yoongi both tell him to stop sending them Halloween-themed foods they could make, yet their hearts never really seemed to be in the admonishments. It all seemed to be part of the tradition when it came to Halloween: Jungkook would bombard everyone with ideas and they’d half-heartedly tell him to stop while quietly enjoying his childlike excitement. 

The pranks had slowly escalated over the last week or so since he’d finally been ‘allowed’ to start them. More than once, you’d heard the telltale giggles of Jungkook running away from whichever of his hyungs he’d chosen for his latest trick, and a few times you’d heard his calls for surrender after he’d been caught. His repertoire in the first week seemed to mainly consist of small yet annoying things, like switching the salt for sugar and offering cookies filled with toothpaste instead of cream (this one was apparently designed for Namjoon in particular and he fell for it every year, Jungkook always striking when Namjoon was distracted and less likely to question his offer of snacks). 

True to his word, Jungkook had also left you out of most of the pranks, the few he’d actually played on you being no more harmless than hiding a few of your things around his room. Other than that, he’d avoided getting you involved.

Or so you’d thought.

It was midway through the second full week of October and you arrived at the dorm like normal. The other members were used to your presence and were happy to let you in even when Jungkook was busy, which you found him to be this time. Jimin and Seokjin were more than happy to keep you company, though, chatting with you in the kitchen over coffee (served only after Seokjin had checked the settings on the coffee machine and made sure that the sugar was, in fact, sugar) while Jungkook finished up in the studio. They tried not to show their jealousy over your minimal experience of falling victim to their maknae, but you assured them you were certain Jungkook would only be able to hold out for so long if he enjoyed them that much. 

It’s only when Jungkook arrives home to find you three still talking that you realise you’d been talking with the older members for nearly an hour, your bag and jacket still beside your feet rather than in your boyfriend’s room.

“Hey, jagi,” Jungkook greets you with a quick kiss to your temple and a hug from behind, perching his chin on your shoulder as his arms wrap around your waist. 

“Good day?” you ask, leaning back slightly to take in his side profile and giggling when he pulls you closer again, holding back from nuzzling into your neck while his hyungs are present. He hums happily, though, and you feel him nod against your shoulder.

Jimin and Seokjin speak between themselves in an attempt to give the two of you a bit of privacy, but quickly realise there was no point given their proximity. Seokjin declares he’s going to go and play some games until dinner, waving to no one in particular as he left the room, and Jimin quickly follows suit, claiming he was going to go and look for Taehyung, who’d been writing in his room most of the afternoon. 

“‘m sorry I wasn’t here when you got here,” Jungkook waits until his hyungs have left before murmuring his apology into your shoulder, his body still bent over slightly as he hugs you.

“That’s okay,” you reassure him, lifting your hand to gently run your fingers through his hair, feeling him relax into you more with each second.

“Wanna take your stuff to my room?”

“Are you offering or are you telling me to do it?” you tease back, holding in your laughter as he huffs, some of his hair jumping up in your periphery from the rush of air.

“We can do it together,” he says, squeezing your waist slightly and finally turning his face into the crook of your neck. You hear and feel the small sigh that escapes him as he does so, knowing he’s probably been looking forward to seeing you all day.

“Is it really a two person job, though?” you muse, laughing when Jungkook huffs again and stands up, grabbing your hand and picking up your things at the same time.

“Yes,” he grins, turning back to you and leaning in close enough for the tips of your noses to touch. “It’s definitely a two person job, because I’ve missed you and I want my hugs.” The pout that pushes at his lips would normally be enough to make you giggle and coo at him teasingly, but his dark eyes were focused so sharply on yours that you couldn’t find it in you to laugh. 

“Can’t argue with that,” you smirk, only to be rewarded with a quick yet gentle kiss to your lips before your boyfriend is turning and leading you to his room, his fingers interlocking with yours as he goes. 

Jungkook’s room was arguably more familiar to you than the rest of the dorm. When you’d first started coming round, the two of you had spent a lot of time in his bedroom rather than in the rest of the dorm, too shy to experience your developing relationship under the gaze of the other members. As confident as Jungkook had become around you, he was still the youngest of seven and was wary that his hyungs would tease him relentlessly… which they did, but only after you’d left and he’d ventured back to join them. 

Jungkook places your bag down in its usual spot beside his dresser and continues to guide you to his bed, falling down onto the mattress and pulling you down with him. You laugh into his neck as he pulls you into a tight embrace, your arms trapped between the two of you against his chest. You spend the next few minutes wrapped up in his warmth, your bodies relaxing against each other as the subtle aromas of his cologne and his shampoo mix together, calming you as you breathe them in. You’re pretty sure the different scents you associate with Jungkook are now more relaxing to you than the lavender diffuser you used to never be able to sleep without; even now, you can feel your eyes getting heavier as his warmth seeps through your clothes and his large hands gently rub up and down on the expanse of your back. 

After several minutes of feeling like you could quite easily fall asleep here, though, you become aware of a growing need to use the bathroom, especially when Jungkook’s thighs are pressed right against your bladder. As much as you don’t want to move, the rational part of your brain knows that the quicker you go, the quicker you can come back and snuggle up with your boyfriend again, so you wiggle yourself free from his grasp.

Jungkook’s eyes open as you stand, his large eyes fluttering open to gaze up at you, his long hair surrounding his face like a halo against the sheets and his hands skimming your arms as they fall to gently rest across his tummy. His brow creases slightly, his lips pushing into yet another pout as you step back from the bed, and he lifts his arms out to you with grabby hands.

“Baby, come baacck,” he whines, “I’m not done with my cuddles yet!”

“You’re never done with cuddles,” you tease him, and his pout immediately melts away into a happy grin.

“That’s ‘cos you’re nice to cuddle,” he states matter-of-factly, still holding his arms out to you yet he makes no effort to sit up and pull you back.

“I’ll be back in a sec, okay?” you blow him a kiss and he pretends to catch it, eyes shimmering under the lights as he presses his hand to his lips, laughing wholeheartedly when you roll your eyes at him. 

A few seconds after you shut the door and you come back into the bedroom to find him sitting up against the headboard on the other side of the bed, legs outstretched. He looks up from his phone and immediately puts it down on his bedside table, throwing his arms out towards you again and beckoning you over to join him. Just as you put your knee to the duvet and get ready to crawl across the bed towards him, however, he suddenly stops you.

“Can you grab me a hoodie or something, please?” You arch an eyebrow.

“Why couldn’t you get it while I was in the bathroom?” Jungkook pouts.

“I didn’t think about it then,” he says, cheeks colouring a slight pink. “I was just thinking about you coming back for cuddles. I wanted to get comfortable.”

You roll your eyes playfully but move over to the closet anyway, unaware of Jungkook’s eager gaze following you across the room. 

You scream at the sharp bloodied teeth that meet your gaze, dark, empty eyes staring back at you from within Jungkook’s closet. Delighted laughter rings out behind you and you turn to see your boyfriend rolling gleefully across the bed while you’re still trying to get your heart to calm down in your chest, breath rapidly passing through your lips as the initial shock starts to wear off. 

You grab the mask, cringing as the silicone facial features bend in your fist, before you fling it across the room where it slaps against Jungkook’s shoulder, the hanger it had been attached to falling to your feet. He only laughs harder, burying his face into his pillows to try and muffle himself as his shoulders shake and his feet kick at the blankets. 

“You little-” you put your hand over your heart, feeling the rapid beating under your palm slowly start to subside, finally looking at the mask where it lies crumpled on the bed. It seems to be some sort of clown-type mask bearing large fang-like teeth, bloodied make up smeared across the features and two dark holes where the eyes should be. 

“I’m sorry, jagi,” Jungkook finally manages to say through his subsiding laughter, rolling over and sitting up to look at you, wiping his tears from his eyes. 

“You said you wouldn’t prank me!” you cry, folding your arms across your chest and looking away, staring a hole into the floor.

“Actually,” Jungkook raises to his knees and shuffles across the bed, trying to hide his smirk and failing as it pushes his cheeks up under his eyes. “I said I’d go easy on you, I never said I wouldn’t prank you.” He watches you for a moment before he holds his hands out towards you, his fingers gently brushing at your elbows. “You okay?” You scuff your foot against the carpet, feeling the adrenaline rush of the jumpscare easing off and now feeling a little bit embarrassed about screaming. 

“...yeah,” you mutter, not looking up at him but taking a tiny step closer, letting his hands fully surround your arms. With a grin, he gently takes hold of your elbows and pulls you closer to him until your chest is once again against his. Even while he’s kneeling on the bed, he’s still able to tuck your head under his chin and wrap his arms around your shoulders, and you return his hold by letting your arms circle his waist. Jungkook snickers quickly above you, still preening at successfully playing a joke on you even as he strokes your hair.

When he pulls back to check your expression, you exaggerate your pout and look up at him through your lashes. He chuckles quietly but moves his hands to cup your cheeks, pressing a gentle kiss to the tip of your nose. “I’m sorry, baby,” he says again. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

“How?” you arch a brow again, your interest piqued but not wanting to give away your eagerness at getting your own back. 

“Any way you want,” he tells you with another kiss to your nose, gently pushing some of your hair back behind your ear. You mull over his words quietly, a grin slowly growing on your lips.

“Anything?” If Jungkook sees the fire starting to simmer behind your eyes, he doesn’t say anything; instead, he simply smirks, eyes darkening to match yours.

“Anything.”

#btsholidaybingo #bts fic #bts fanfic #bts fluff #bts humour #jungkook fic #jungkook fluff #jk fic #jk fluff #bts jungkook #bts jk #bts jjk #jjk

[scarabbai]

Are there any changes to what goes on in events like Ghost Marriage or Fairy Gala in the RR AU? Considering how huge RR!Jamil’s ego is, would he be offended that the ghost bride thinks Idia is the ideal prince and therefore better than him? Or is it a different case due to the likelihood that the events take place after main story?

ANON....YESTERDAY I SPENT MY ENTIRE MORNING AND PART OF MY AFTERNOON WATCHING TRANSLATION VIDS OF THE ENTIRE FAIRY GALA AND GHOST MARRIAGE EVENTS JUST FOR YOUUUUUU :D !!! I don’t usually keep up with the events bc I skip whatever I don’t understand in-game and can’t stay focused/engaged with the story unless I watch subtitled videos of the events themselves (so if you know a place where I can get subbed translated vids of Dance and Wishes or maybe a line by line translation of each of the event episodes please link me 👀) SO I ACTUALLY HAD NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED IN EACH EVENT ASIDE FROM LIKE...OVERVIEW SUMMARIES THAT DON’T GO SUPER IN DETAIL ON WHAT WAS SAID LMAOOOO

So right now I’ve watched the Beans Day, Fairy Gala, and Ghost Marriage events and can answer your question somewhat decently! (I might have to revisit after watching Dance and Wishes, I really have noooo idea what goes on in that one lmao) We know Beans Day takes place in February (before or after VDC...? Man, we really don’t know...), Fairy Gala is supposed to announce spring (which I’m told begins...sometime in March? Or does it start later, in April? I live in a place with no change in seasons so I’m not sure lol), and Ghost Marriage is...idk it’s a mystery but I assume it’s in June? Dance and Wishes...no idea at all, someone please enlighten me!

With these timeframes in mind, I think the role reversed au versions of each event would go as follows:

For Beans Day, Kalim is still on Farmer Team and Jamil is still on Monster Team. I think by this point in time (unless ch5 comes up with some wild stuff that keeps them too occupied) they would have finally gotten together and thus would officially be in a relationship. However, since it’s a relatively new development and Kalim is surprisingly shy about it, they probably keep their relationship status lowkey. This secretiveness leads to them agreeing to sneak away during Beans Day so they can see each other. As a result, instead of being found eating at the botanical gardens, Kalim is basically nowhere to be seen after some time into the game. Both him and Jamil still end up getting knocked out of the game though bc they playfully “betray” each other when they meet up! As Jamil hugs Kalim to “catch” him, Kalim squishes a bean against the front of Jamil’s jacket. They both laugh about it before stealing a kiss and hiding away in the woods for the rest of the day. The fact that they’re both able to make light of/lightheartedly joke about topics previously sensitive to them (betrayal) would be proof of them growing past the trials they faced in ch4. They trust each other again, now more than ever.

For Fairy Gala the same people get picked, though since the theme is just “harvest season, but make it Fashion™” (bc miss me with the whole “exotic” theme), the reasoning behind the dorm leader picks are Leona and Jamil’s connections to nobility and Crowley’s desire to mess with them both for their past bad attitudes. This irks Jamil greatly bc Crowley doesn’t outright say who he really is or what his social status is (even with ch4 I don’t think that info would have been exposed), but lumping him together with Leona makes Jamil look odd even if Crowley claims it’s bc Jamil has a history in dance. Also, aside from Jamil and Kalim swapping outfits bc their dorm positions are the opposite from canon, everyone’s clothing remains the same. Much like ch5 is shaping up to be, this event is Kalim’s moment to SHINE. As a skilled entertainer with lots of experience and training in regards to dancing, singing, and acting, he’s in his natural element here! Additionally, Kalim looks up to Vil since they both act in some capacity, so he listens well and learns quickly in order to be his star pupil. As a result, it’s actually Jamil who falls behind and needs to practice more to keep up with Kalim! That’s fine by him though since he gets to spend more time up close and personal with the one he loves. Their main show stopper is an animated couples’ dance with a beautiful and heartfelt declaration of blooming spring love as their final act!

For Ghost Marriage, I have a few different scenarios in mind depending on when it takes place and what I decide for the role reversed au’s future. If it takes place prior to June or otherwise not very close to the end of the school year, Jamil laughs upon hearing about the failure of all the other students, decides this is NOT a worthwhile use of his time, and very firmly refuses to help out not only bc he doesn’t want to but also bc he knows whatever he tries won’t work. He’s not offended whatsoever over not being Eliza’s “ideal prince” bc he knows Kalim loves him for who he is, what he does, and how he looks like, and that’s more than enough to make Jamil happy already. If it happens close to June or at the end of the school year, Jamil might be more defensive and refuses less bc he thinks he’s above all this nonsense but rather bc he’s busy being very clingy. Depending on what information we receive and how ch5 plays out, Kalim might actually be leaving NRC after the year ends, in which case Jamil would either be even MORE clingy bc he’s upset over how little time he has left to spend with Kalim in person OR he’s busy moping around bc Kalim already left the campus and he misses him. Regardless of how or why it happens, Jamil is highly likely to refuse bc he already has someone to love and thus his proposal won’t be very convincing.

In Kalim’s case, he might actually consider saying yes if asked. I don’t think he’d do it for Idia in particular (ouch, that’s cold) but rather bc a lot of his friends got caught up in the mess. This means he’s pretty likely to say no if he’s sought out more toward the beginning of the event since there wouldn’t be nearly as much at stake and, much like Jamil, Kalim is pretty sure any declaration of love from him will be too hollow to be believable. Of course, Kalim has some acting ability to him and is an excellent singer so he might be able to get at least somewhere if he tried, but ultimately I think he would get rejected bc he didn’t meet the ridiculously specific qualifications and/or Eliza could tell his heart belonged to another. It’s important to note that if Kalim agrees to go, Jamil will as well, albeit very reluctantly and with a high chance of being rejected due to his impatience and/or insincerity. However, it’s also of note that Jamil will complain/nag him to say no and stay safe with him at the dorm if he catches wind of the whole thing before Kalim does. This all is, ofc, assuming the event takes place at a time when Kalim is still at the school. If not, then...he’s literally not even there.

For Dance and Wishes, idk if they have any impact at all in the event story but I can say that their wishes aren’t really decided/set in stone yet. However, I do have some ideas for what their wishes might be, and they might end up being what I decide on for them!

Jamil’s wish: “For Kalim to always find happiness.”

Kalim’s wish: “To always have the ability to put a smile on people’s faces.”

#twisted wonderland #twst #kalim al asim #twst kalim #jamil viper #twst jamil #kalim x jamil #role reversed au #my stuff #responses

[fantastic-bby]

Books & Poems I love

Hello, I am just dumping my favourite books and poems here because I like them and I want people to read them too bcs they're cool. Disclaimer: I haven't read some of these books in a REALLY long time, so the explanations might be a bit off since this is mostly what I remember from when I had read them. All will be under the cut and I hope someone out there finds these as enjoyable as I do!

Books

1. Huntress by Malinda Lo

Nature is out of balance in the human world. The sun hasn’t shone in years, and crops are failing. Worse yet, strange and hostile creatures have begun to appear. The people’s survival hangs in the balance.

To solve the crisis, the oracle stones are cast, and Kaede and Taisin, two seventeen-year-old girls, are picked to go on a dangerous and unheard-of journey to Tanlili, the city of the Fairy Queen. Taisin is a sage, thrumming with magic, and Kaede is of the earth, without a speck of the otherworldly. And yet the two girls’ destinies are drawn together during the mission. As members of their party succumb to unearthly attacks and fairy tricks, the two come to rely on each other and even begin to fall in love. But the Kingdom needs only one huntress to save it, and what it takes could tear Kaede and Taisin apart forever.

I cannot express how much I adore this book. It's so well-written and the entire book feels like such an adventure to read. I have to warn everyone who will read this that it is quite violent. I also love the WLW inclusion which is carried throughout the story. It's also mentioned in the beginning that Kaede does not want to marry a prince because she could never marry a man. It's filled with lots of romance and it's fantasy because I'm a sucker for fantasy reads.

My sister had bought this book for me after I had lost my first copy and my cat peed on my second copy. The first time, I had bought it from a Big Bad Wolf sale in about 2014. The second, I ordered it through Kinokuniya, but I'm pretty sure you can get it off of Amazon as well.

2. Teardrop by Lauren Kate

Never, ever cry . . .

Seventeen-year-old Eureka won't let anyone close enough to feel her pain. After her mother was killed in a freak accident, the things she used to love hold no meaning. She wants to escape, but one thing holds her back: Ander, the boy who is everywhere she goes, whose turquoise eyes are like the ocean.

And then Eureka uncovers an ancient tale of romance and heartbreak, about a girl who cried an entire continent into the sea. Suddenly her mother's death and Ander's appearance seem connected, and her life takes on dark undercurrents that don't make sense.

Can everything you love be washed away?

This is also a book that I've read multiple times. I've even read the sequel, Waterfall, but I don't think I actually got around to finishing it since I bought it right before my exams. Another love and fantasy novel, it covers a lot of grieving and pain that Eureka goes through after losing her mother and at one point, she actually wishes it was her that had died during the accident.

Her relationship with Ander is quite sudden since he just shows up out of nowhere and just happens to know practically everything about her. I, personally, enjoy this book out of the amount of angst that it's filled with. It's very well-written and I still have the first copy that I bought at the same Big Bad Wolf sale that I had gotten Huntress. I think I had gotten the sequal at Kinokuniya as well (?), but I'm not entirely sure because it's been a really long time.

3. Shatter Me by Tahereh Mafi

No one knows why Juliette's touch is fatal, but The Reestablishment has plans for her. Plans to use her as a weapon. But Juliette has plans of her own. After a lifetime without freedom, she's finally discovering a strength to fight back for the very first time--and to find a future with the one boy she thought she's lost forever.

Another very angsty book. It centres around Juliette, a girl who, for some reason, kills everyone she touches. It's also written in First POV and in the format of a journal. It feels more personal because some of the lines are striked through to show a thought that Juliette had in the moment of writing that she decided to replace with a different approach instead.

The beginning is basically Juliette being locked away in some sort of a prison because of her 'gift' and she writes to keep herself from going crazy, but then one day some guy is put into the same cell as her. It's another romance novel and also a kind of superhero novel It also gets pretty... ahem... seggsy... at one point, but it's a good read.

I've read the entire series aside from Restore Me. I have it, but I haven't gotten around to reading it yet. Shatter Me is also from the same Big Bad Wolf sale as the other two lol. Juliette is also trapped in a love triangle at one point, but I won't get into it. It also gets a bit violent, but slightly less graphic than Huntress is and is also another 'self-discover' kinda book. (can you see a theme here that I read lol)

4. Winter's End by Jean-Claude Mourlevat

Four teenagers escape from their prison-like boarding schools to take up the fight against the tyrannical government that murdered their parents fifteen years earlier. But only three of the friends make it safely to Jahn's restaurant, the headquarters of a secret resistance movement, where they discover the astonishing power that one voice can have in the fight for freedom.

As the battle rages, the three friends are in a race against time to save their companion, who has been forced to participate in a deadly, ancient game for the amusement of his captors. Will this new generation prevail, or are they destined to meet the same grisly fate as their parents?

This is also extremely angsty. It's also pretty violent as well, so that's a warning for whoever will read this. Once again, well-written, nice flow to the story and I just really like this book. There's a lot of uncovering in the book that makes you go HUH because the four students end up uncovering a lot about their government and the secrets that involve the four of them.

It has a very heavy dark tone to it, which I really enjoy. It's a bit different from the other three which is less fantasy and more of a dystopian book. It's a very heroic, determination feeling that follows the students as they journey throughout the book. Also something that follows the students are a group of dog-men... things... that I'm pretty sure I actually had small nightmares imagining when I had read this in around 2013 or 2014.

Poems

Disclaimer: Half of these were poems I did essays on in high school aside from L. These are my illustrations of it and they're the ones that stood out to me when I had first read them.

1. Daffodils by William Wordsworth

I read this in high school when I was taking English Literature. It's a poem that Wordsworth wrote after his wife had passed away. I love the way it's written and William Wordsworth is one of my favourite poets. It's filled with the feeling of being lost and rediscovering the joys of the small things in life. There's a lot of imagery that refers to the flower, daffodil, and overall, it's just a a very soft themed poem.

I think the reason this poem stood out to me was because I was feeling a bit lost at the time I read it (the end of highschool) and I was desperately trying to find something I could relate to in some way.

2. Winter by Andrew Young

Another one that contains a lot of imagery. It's a poem about the beauty of Winter and how, while it's seen as a dark and gloomy season, it has hidden beauties that you can see if you're able to look past the initial image of it.

This poem in particular, I'm pretty sure I have a soft spot for in my heart mainly because of the soft spot I have for Winter in general.

3. London by William Blake

This is a more dark toned poem. It covers what old London used to be like with the raging poverty at the time. A lot of child labour and sex workers that would struggle with making money when they would accidentally get pregnant.

It's quite a depressing poem that I like because of the dark undertone and I, personally, really enjoy William Blake's works.

4. L by Bernice Chauly

L is a poem about how her daughter had cut her hair right after going to the hairdressers. While Chauly's daughter is crying when she yells at her, Chauly is reminded of when she had done something similar when she had just turned five years old. She thinks back to it and remembers that, at the time, all she wanted was to see her late father.

This is also more heavy set and it makes me think of the way children must feel when they lose their parents at such young ages.

#books #poems #literature #reading material

[ynkkoo-a]

            ♡◞  𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐨𝐨  𝐬𝐚𝐲𝐬  𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒖  !

            not  at  me  repurposing  one  of  my  theme  graphics  bc  i’m  a  lil  lazy  babie  ,  but  !  since  i  jus  hit  another  follower  milestone  n  the  decade  is  comin  to  a  close  ,  i  jus  wanted  to  say  thank  u  to  all  my  mutuals  n  followers  n  such  who  rly  made  this  last  year  enjoyable  on  this  hellsite  !  2019  was  tough  on  a  lot  of  us  in  a  lot  of  ways  ,  but  we  all  did  it  ,  babyluvs  !  we  saw  it  out  to  the  end  n  hopefully  the  20′s  are  a  lot  prettier  for  us  all  !  p.s.  i’m  sorry  to  anyone  not  mentioned  !  i  hav  the  memory  n  attention  span  of  a  babie  fish  ,  but  i  luv  all  of  u  soso  so  much  n  u  rly  all  do  mean  the  absolute  world  to  me  !  ♡

            first  off  ,  jus’  a  quick  an  honourable  mention  to  all  of  my  nonnies  of  the  year  ,  wherever  u  babies  are  now  !  in  particular  ,  my  cherry  nonnie  ,  my  jk  anon  (  @jminacious​​  )  ,  my  boo  ,  my  strawberry  nonnie  ,  n  my  grades  anon  !  n  anyone  else  who  has  sent  me  sweet  nonnies  ,  these  r  jus  the  recurring  ones  of  the  year  heh  !  u  sweet  nonnies  own  my  heart  n  truly  made  this  blog  such  a  lovely  n  pretty  n  positive  experience  for  me  ,  n  i  cannot  properly  express  w  words  how  much  all  of  ur  sweet  mssgs  meant  n  mean  to  me  always  !  ^♡^

            starting  off  w  the  mutuals  i  literally  never  speak  to  ,  bc  of  my  shy  babie  antics  ,  but  who  i  admire  from  afar  so  much  !  ur  all  soso  talented  ,  jus  all  around  beautiful  souls  who  deserve  the  prettiest  days  .  pleathe  feel  free  to  come  talk  to  me  ,  i’ll  luv  u  down  w  my  whole  heart  since  i’m  practically  ur  secret  admirer  anyway  .

@miyanez , @kimseokjvn , @rmsrpt , @capitae , @chunghart , @aronpiper , @jinjeongguks , @yukhciz , @cjdoesrpt , @pocmuzings ,  @chuuiez , @leeieno , @igorrpt , @luvgifs , @joonkookies , @drunkblushed , @savta , @frcylan , @jinsoouls  !

            now  ,  to  give  all  my  luv  to  those  who  literally  . . .  hav  my  heart  .  we  haven’t  talked  much  ,  again  bc  i’m  a  shy  babie  ,  tho  sum  of  us  hav  jus  recently  been  talking  more  which  makes  me  very  sparkly  ,  but  !  we  exchange  ims  here  or  there  ,  send  an  ask  or  two  ,  reply  to  n  like  each  other’s  posts  ,  support  each  other’s  content  ---  u  know  ,  we’re  cute  mutuals  !  the  ‘  will  they  ,  won’t  they  ‘  mutuals  !  for  realsies  ,  tho  ,  ur  all  so  talented  ,  whether  it  be  in  making  gifs  or  themes  or  graphics  or  writing  or  whatever  !  ur  talent  astounds  me  n  i  am  beyond  in  luv  w  u  !

@sprfluous , @chanheez , @loonarz , @jungjnsoul , @yeriimss , @hotjoong , @hiqey , @tcehyvng , @kvinabstract , @stcinfelds , @kermitgrinch , @mcninas , @doyyeon , @jminssii , @jiminslolli , @raihelps , @svnflxwer , @softcarpenters  !

            n  now  for  honourable  mentions  !  the  few  ppl  on  this  site  who  my  shy  babie  antics  did  not  keep  me  from  talking  to  n  becoming  friends  w  .  these  are  the  literal  luvs  of  my  life  !  our  ships  are  literally  *chefs  kiss*  ,  i  feel  comfy  cryin’  n  rantin’  to  u  guys  without  worryin  abt  being  annoying  n  i  hope  the  feelin’  is  mutual  ,  i  don’t  feel  even  an  ounce  of  anxiety  when  talkin’  to  u  guys  which  is  such  a  major  thing  for  me  ?  i  consider  u  guys  my  friends  sm  n  our  friendship  literally  means  the  world  to  me  .  ur  soso  talented  in  so  many  ways  n  u  hav  the  loveliest  hearts  ,  n  i’m  so  honoured  to  be  able  to  be  ur  friend  n  to  write  w  u  all  !  

            p.s.  there’s  cute  lil  mssgs  for  each  of  u  under  the  cut  !

@pointlcss , @ultraviclets , @musetories , @briingmetolifc , @heartvfire  !

♡◞  @pointlcss  !

                    alli  !  ♡  i  am  literally  so  happy  that  u  happened  upon  my  lil  1x1  post  a  couple  months  back  n  decided  to  mssg  me  abt  threading  bc  our  cute  lil  starstruck  plot  turned  into  a  friendship  that  i  am  soso  so  thankful  for  ?  there  is  not  anyone  that  i  wld  hav  rather  gone  thru  it  over  jungoo’s  long  hair  ,  tattoos  ,  n  haircut  w  .  that  one  pic  of  jjk  from  season’s  greetings  as  our  matching  discord  icons  . . .  stayin’  up  to  yell  abt  stray  kids’  n  txt’s  comebacks  . . .  i  literally  luv  this  for  us  ?  ur  soso  talented  n  making  gifsets  n  writing  ,  n  i’m  so  happy  i  cld  make  this  last  year  a  lil  bit  special  for  u  ,  bc  u’ve  made  this  year  such  a  special  n  pretty  one  for  me  too  !  i  can’t  wait  to  see  where  our  cute  lil  plot  n  ship  takes  n  i  hope  the  year  has  even  more  luvly  things  in  store  for  us  !  i  luv  n  adore  u  soso  so  much  .  u  rly  are  the  sweetest  soul  out  there  n  i’m  so  happy  to  consider  u  a  friend  !  also  thank  u  for  jus’  now  informing  me  abt  bts’  2020  tour  i  owe  u  my  lifeKSHDKJ  ♡

♡◞  @ultraviclets  !

                    ness  !  ♡  literally  . . .  the  luv  of  my  life  ,  perhaps  ?  i  remember  following  u  when  u  published  ur  first  theme  ,  bc  i  was  jus  like  .  wowow  wubbzy  ?  this  is  beautiful  n  free  n  i’m  broke  n  u  hav  my  heart  ?  n  u  know  ,  for  a  while  we  were  sort  of  will  they  ,  won’t  they  mutuals  ,  too  ,  which  was  cute  for  us  ,  but  i  think  we  actually  started  talking  when  we  were  both  in  abroad  ?  n  then  u  mssged  me  later  on  to  lmk  that  jjk  was  open  in  ur  rp  if  i  wanted  to  join  n  it  made  me  so  absolutely  soft  ???  like  .  ik  it  was  jus  a  lil  thing  but  u  captured  my  whole  HEART  in  that  moment  ?  n  now  ur  genuinely  sumone  that  i  trust  so  much  ,  like  .  the  other  day  when  u  let  me  rant  to  u  a  lil  bit  abt  smth  kinda  silly  ,  rly  ,  it  jus  meant  the  world  to  me  ?  n  u  mean  the  world  to  me  n  !!!  writing  w  u  is  absolutely  wonderful  always  n  our  current  ship  is  *chefs  kiss*  even  tho  i  hav  yet  to  reply  to  our  thread  again  BUT  !!!  i  will  do  it  ,  i  pinky  promise  ,  i’m  sorry  i’m  the  worst  .  u  deserve  the  whole  wide  world  .  ur  talented  beyond  belief  ,  ur  such  a  blessing  to  the  rpc  n  this  hellsite  as  a  whole  ,  n  i  adore  n  am  soso  so  thankful  for  our  luvly  lil  friendship  every  time  we  talk  .  u  truly  hav  made  this  icky  year  a  lot  less  icky  !  u  hav  my  whole  heart  !  ♡

♡◞  @musetories  !

                    sarah  !  ♡  u’ve  genuinely  been  one  of  my  best  friends  for  four  years  +  one  month  now  n  like  ?  wowow  wubbzy  ?  that’s  such  a  long  time  !  from  the  rp  that  shall  not  be  named  to  lit  rally  whatever  tf  we’re  doin  rn  .  u  were  the  first  person  i  ever  rly  shipped  w  on  this  hellsite  ,  even  tho  i  was  a  whole  babie  n  my  writing  was  godforsaken  at  the  time  .  n  now  we  lit  rally  hav  so  many  ships  up  our  sleeves  that  i  can’t  even  name  them  all  ,  but  i  luv  each  n  every  one  of  them  soso  so  much  ?  sum  of  them  are  so  iconic  that  they’re  jus’  eternal  now  (  we’re  rly  ALWAYS  on  our  eli  &  zazzy  bullshit  )  n  i  kind  of  adore  that  for  us  ?  we’ve  spent  so  many  our  jus’  stayin  up  into  the  night  /  morning  writing  novels  in  my  dms  ,  n  those  are  genuinely  sum  of  my  fondest  rp  memories  ?  we  don’t  rly  talk  quite  as  much  anymore  ,  but  that’s  okay  n  it  happens  !  we’ve  had  sum  ups  n  downs  ,  but  i’m  genuinely  soso  so  thankful  for  ur  friendship  these  last  four  years  n  here’s  to  four  more  heh  !  n  also  u  got  my  into  bts  so  i  owe  u  my  lifeKJSHKD  ♡

♡◞  @briingmetolifc  !

                    mozzie  !  ♡  wowow  wubbzy  ,  i  cld  genuinely  write  a  novel  abt  u  ?  we’ve  been  friends  for  practically  four  years  now  ,  too  ,  n  to  think  it  all  started  w  our  one  lil  ship  in  the  rp  that  shall  not  be  named  !  i  can  actually  n  genuinely  jus  talk  to  u  abt  anything  ?  whether  it  be  our  ships  ,  a  random  plot  i  wanna  write  ,  the  political  state  of  our  country  ,  how  fucked  ap  classes  are  ,  mister  jungoo  himself  ,  whatever  issues  i’m  having  w  sumone  that  i  need  to  get  off  my  chest  ---  there’s  literally  no  limit  or  bounds  to  what  we  can  talk  to  n  it’s  so  nice  ?  like  .  i  genuinely  trust  u  so  much  ?  u’ve  always  jus  kinda  been  That  Person  who  i  know  i  can  trust  w  anything  ,  who  i  never  felt  wld  judge  me  ?  like  i  can  jus  tell  u  anythin  ,  i  trust  u  so  much  .  ur  genuinely  one  of  my  best  friends  ,  even  when  ur  tryin  to  fight  my  babie  or  we’re  both  bein’  bratty  n  silent  treatmenting  each  other  or  ur  bein  a  stubborn  lil  babie  n  won’t  let  me  do  ur  theme  for  u  even  tho  !!!  i  luv  doing  ur  themes  !  but  it’s  okay  bc  u  hav  my  heart  ,  n  i  genuinely  ???  wld  be  such  a  different  person  w/o  u  in  my  life  for  the  past  four  years  i’m  sure  ?  n  also  ur  such  an  amazing  writer  ,  ur  muses  are  so  unique  n  ur  writing  is  so  fluid  n  ???  god  !!!  everythin  abt  u  is  smth  that  i  adore  .  pleathe  come  to  california  n  be  my  first  kissie  . . .  i  luv  u  !  ♡

♡◞  @heartvfire​  !

                    kacchan  !  ♡  oh  my  god  ???  where  in  the  world  do  i  even  BEGIN  ???  ur  genuinely  one  of  the  most  important  ppl  in  my  life  .  i  met  u  first  when  i  was  a  literal  fckin  babie  in  the  rp  that  shall  not  be  named  a  whole  four  years  ago  now  ,  n  like  .  we  didn’t  talk  a  ton  at  first  ,  but  u  were  never  weird  or  condescending  bc  i  was  young  ?  like  ,  we  eventually  did  start  talking  n  i’m  soso  like  ???  happy  that  we  got  close  ?  like  .  since  day  one  ,  i’ve  looked  up  to  ur  writing  n  u  as  a  person  ?  ur  characters  were  always  so  insanely  creative  and  unique  and  ur  writing  was  so  fluid  n  beautiful  n  just  ?  u  were  literal  goals  to  lil  14yr  old  kookoo  .  n  even  now  ,  whenever  i  do  a  reply  to  u  ,  i  will  literally  write  n  rewrite  it  five  times  over  before  posting  it  bc  i  want  to  make  sure  it’s  as  good  as  urs  is  !  like  !!!  god  ur  so  talented  !  n  like  .  especially  as  of  late  ,  we’ve  jus  gotten  super  close  ?  n  like  .  i’m  genuinely  so  happy  abt  it  ???  our  friendship  is  genuinely  a  WHOLE  blessing  in  my  life  ,  like  .  ik  i  can  talk  to  u  abt  anything  n  u  can  talk  to  me  abt  anything  n  we’ll  meet  eachother  w  the  same  amount  of  enthusiasm  ?  we  can  vent  to  each  other  n  completely  understand  n  empathise  n  talk  things  out  so  we  feel  better  n  it’s  jus  ???  we  jus’  get  each  other  ??  so  nice  .  thank  u  for  listening  to  me  when  i’m  anxious  or  sad  ,  n  for  not  thinkin  ill  of  me  when  i’m  bein  a  brat  ,  even  when  it’s  for  silly  reasons  ,  n  for  listenin  to  n  not  judging  me  when  i  talk  abt  jungoo  n  bts  ,  even  tho  i  talk  to  them  a  lot  n  ik  i  can  be  a  bit  much  sumtimes  .  like  ,  genuinely  ?  i’m  abt  to  start  crying  rn  ,  i’m  so  thankful  for  u  .  u’ve  helped  shape  me  so  much  as  a  person  .  helped  me  grow  as  a  writer  .  i  met  u  at  one  of  the  worst  n  most  important  ages  of  my  life  n  u’ve  impacted  my  life  such  an  insane  amount  ???  u’ve  always  been  the  first  person  to  talk  to  n  comfort  me  when  things  go  to  shit  n  i  truly  cannot  express  how  much  that  has  always  meant  to  me  .  i  genuinely  think  i  wld  be  a  bit  of  a  different  person  n  not  as  confident  in  my  writing  if  i  didn’t  hav  u  to  look  up  to  for  these  past  four  years  .  i  trust  u  so  much  n  i  luv  u  soso  so  much  !  n  i  am  going  to  reply  to  the  dm  u  sent  me  properly  ,  i  jus  need  2  formulate  my  thoughts  properly  first  ,  so  pleathe  hav  this  for  now  !  u  literally  hav  my  whole  HEART  !!!  ♡

#* koo rambles ! #hi i luv all of u !!! #this is the first milestone . i hav done anything for ! #will try 2 get that psd posted later ! ^♡^

[fmdjaewonarchive]

► ‘our songs’ audition.

date(s): 20 july 2020 mentions of: jiah, ash, andy & sooyeon (all briefly namedropped) word count: 1617 warnings: n/a details: jaewon decides to audition for ‘our songs’ and somehow, manages to already stress himself out before the show has even begun. he also covers ‘q’ by onewe (note: the original version of the song features hwasa but this stage was my main reference point for this)

it’s not that jaewon has been putting this off but that’s exactly what he has been doing. which, truly, is stupid. he’s the one that decided he wanted to sign himself up from this, it’s one of the very few things in his idol schedule that he gets to weigh in on.

unlike his own music these days.

oh right, that’s why he’s been so stressed about this. dimensions entertainment had kickstarted his 2020 with a big fuck you and the announcement that they’d be taking away his creative freedom for something that would hopefully be more… lucrative than his own work. and their strategy had been proven effective, the sheer commercial success of fiancé has been a thorn in his side, a constant mocking reminder that maybe, jaewon doesn’t know shit about making music after all.

it has also only solidified dimensions position meaning that truly, jaewon could write any creative freedom apart from the odd co-writing jobs for unity and songs he featured on goodbye.

until our songs came along.

sure, the company hasn’t said it in that many words, nowhere has jaewon actually gotten the confirmation that maybe, if he does well on this, they’ll consider letting him weigh in on his own solo work again. but hey, there surely is no harm in taking some initiative right?

-----------------------------------------

which circles right back to where jaewon is right now, in the home studio of his and soo’s apartment at some awfully late hour at night -because apparently his brain does not function during common office hours- to sit down and record this video for once and for all.

(for the 5th time this week but really, who is keeping count).

jaewon is glad he’s in a space so familiar to him as his own home, it takes away just a little bit of the stress and if he tries hard enough, he might even be able to forget just how much he has riding on this already, a pressure that for some forsaken reason he’s put on this all by himself.

he turns on the camera before leaning back into the office chair. it might look relaxed almost but anyone that knows jaewon also knows that the pen he’s twirling in his left hand is to keep the nerves at bay. luckily enough he can pass it off as a means of concentration for now.

the questions are displayed on the monitor of his computer in such way that jaewon can read them without having to make an obvious effort to lean forward. he has no answers written down but truly, he has mulled over these questions for so long by now that there is no need for that anyway. jaewon knows what he wants to say and he knows himself well enough that he can’t truly rehearse those words without sounding stiff and insincere.

“what inspires me to write songs?” he allows a brief silence to settle, a light frown on his face. “i’m not the best with words, not when i have to say them at least. i’ve always had struggles communicating, i just kinda… froze up. writing has helped a lot with that, it’s made it easier for me to put my feelings into words and to get messages across i wouldn’t have been able to get past my lips otherwise. i’ve written songs about difficult subjects in the past and hearing back from people that those resonate with them has really been keeping me motivated to keep pushing the bar further for myself, even if it’s a little hard sometimes.”

“what is my favorite song that i worked on... that’s kinda impossible to answer. i’ve been very fortunate to release quite some music already and to work with a lot of really talented artists. they’re all very different songs too so it’s hard to compare them so i don’t think there is really one ultimate favorite. if i had to name a few though-” he let his voice trail off for a second. “i collab earlier this year on we don’t talk together, i really enjoyed that song and working on that, i think it turned out well. oh and i got to feature and work on jiah-sunbaenim’s easy which has been released recently. i don’t get to take too much credit for that one though, taeyong-sunbaenim worked on that too.” his free hand moved to rest under his chin. “if i’m thinking about my solo work though i’d probably have to say am 4.44 and rebirth, both from my biorhythm album.” jaewon didn’t know if it was necessary to name what album they were from, especially since he hadn’t gotten to write a single word on love language but it would have to do for now. “i think those two are kinda a package deal for me? am 4.44 is about a pretty low point in my life, just mentally and all and rebirth is kind of the process of recovery from that.”

“songwriters i look up to? i worked with a lot of people and they all brought their own strengths to the table, all of those experiences have been very useful and incredibly pleasant.” he nods absent-mindedly. “i’d say i look up andy-sunbaenim, i got to work with him twice, on both bermuda triangle and on his latest album, i really like his style, i feel like it’s a bit different from my own but i do think they go well together. i also admire sooyeon from wish a lot, she’s very talented at a very young age. she balances both wish’ style and her own very well i think, i have a lot of respect for that.”

“my goals as a songwriter? i think to continue to grow till i can hold my ground by myself amongst other songwriters. i’ve learned a lot from all the people i already worked like i said before but i don’t think i’m near their level yet. i want to reach the point where i can continuously put out high-quality songs for other artists. like, i know my own sound and songs that work well for me but i think the real skill is being able to write well for someone other people. i want to be able to do that someday.”

“what do i hope to achieve by participating on this show?” to tell dimensions to go fuck themselves, jaewon thinks bitterly. but he can’t say that, not now he’s supposed to be all camera friendly. “i want to prove myself. towards other people on the one hand of course, you know, get my name out there and show everything i’ve learned up until this point, show that i know what i’m doing.” and yes, of course, other people in this case could just as easily be replaced with dimensions entertainment but there was no hard evidence for that. not like anyone was aware of jaewon challenging his label, not even dimensions itself. “but also to prove myself towards me. i’ve been writing for a while now, mostly when i felt like it or when i had an idea stuck in my head. i want to push those boundaries, to write specific themes within specific timeframes instead of just on a whim. i think that’s an important step i have to take for myself.” jaewon nods firmly. if he didn’t know himself so well he could believe it looks confident even.

-----------------------------------------

after he pauses the recording, the first thing jaewon does is roll his shoulders and let out a deep sigh. he’s definitely not an interview person he can’t help but think to himself, at least the worst part is over now.he takes a sip from the water bottle on his desk, letting his eyes fall shut for a second as he leans against his seat. just a brief moment of recovery before he forces himself back into action.

the interview might have been the worst part but he still has a cover to record.

first he gets up to retrieve the electric guitar they keep in their home studio, getting it plugged in and getting the microphone all set up, before pulling up the audio file from his desktop and hitting record on his camera.

there are some changes to the original song. after all, onewe is a band and q is not a rap song but jaewon toyed around with audio some, emphasizing on electronics of the backing track rather than the instruments. he has taken some liberties on expanding on the rap parts in the verses and together with the monotone, repetitive chorus it makes it sound so much more like a laidback hiphop song rather than the band song it was before.

another big change is made to the bridge. jaewon has taken out the vocals at the beginning of the instead opting to extend the guitar solo that follows. which is where the electric guitar on his lap comes in. admittedly, it’s a risky choice because while jaewon doesn’t have to worry about hitting notes he can’t reach, he also isn’t as gifted of a guitar player as he pretends to be.  it works though, maybe it’s because he’s been practicing this particular riff until he could barely move his fingers and he has to admit, it sounds pretty good.

he finishes recording, switching the camera off nearly immediately after and then spends another hour rewatching both videos -the interview and the song cover- fixated on finding a fatal flaw, any reason to tank this whole idea and just not send in his audition for the show.

he doesn’t find it.

so instead he sends it in before finally calling it a night.

 here goes nothing.

#fmdosaudition #*:･ﾟ♛– «filled with all these empty moments» // solos. #//listen i know i couldve just used a rap song for jaewon #//but somehow q as a chill rap song REALLY works in my head #//idk im running on 4 hours of sleep pls just believe me on this one #«our songs // era.»

[imbellarosa]

Okay so every time people question individual lines of lyrics, all those BNFs in particular practically come at people's throats for merely asking a totally valid question. Look, I get it. I've been a Lit student. I get that you can't take everything literally bc often in poems esp, it's all a carefully constructed metaphor which you have to dig deep to understand. But in terms of lyrics, everyone is always prattling on about not taking it word for word, understanding it can refer to arguments

& just emphasising 'the whole picture' & DO NOT FOCUS ON THAT ONE LYRIC. But sometimes I am so lost, like with all those lyrics e.g. 'we were in love, now we're strangers' or 'Maybe one day you'll call me and tell me that you're sorry too', what other way are you supposed to read them if not literally? I just don't understand. This is not a question craving reassurance that they're not broken up or whatever. I have faith in them, and I'm not looking for that. But really, at the end of the day,

3. I truly do not blame people for thinking that. I know all those BNFs LOVE to have their superiority complex and snub anyone who has doubts or asks questions about hl's lyrics bc gosh they've been there since day 1 and are NEVER wary/cynical of their lyrics bc hl are perfect & it's impossible they broke up (as if we actually know them??), but I get it. I don't have an anxiety attack over lyrics like that, I don't think they are broken up, but I am mystified as I mull over them to my wits end.

4. Alright whoops so I may have gone off a tangent (unexpectedly so) but I hope someone can at least see where I'm coming from. There was supposed to be a question in there haha but I just rambled on a lot. Since I admire your flair for reading lyrics like literature and really capturing the nuances of their writing in your analyses, I wanted to know, how do you deal with lyrics like that? What thoughts do you have and how do you read them more metaphorically when it seems far too literal?

hahahaha UR TRYING TO GET ME IN TROUBLE WITH OTHER FANS I SEE U ANON kasdjfkjdak but thats okay.  first of all i LOVE this rant let’s DISCUSS lyrics! I think there are two possible scenarios here, that we can explain in different ways, as long as we are in agreement that they at least fudged some parts of the truth. There was no two-year gap, just with the timeline, there was no uni, things like that. Those things have been shifted to fit with a narrative, and I get that - they’re storytellers! So, given that, I see two possibilities.

The first possibility is what I call Operation: Superman. By day, these guys are Superman, flying around, flashing their ability, being a rock star. By night, they’re mild mannered reporter Clark Kent who just wants to go on a date with their pretty coworker (I actually really love this metaphor lmao). This means that, just like Clark Kent (or Lois Lane I think she did most of the writing), the feelings behind the words they write are true (”Superman strives to be a symbol of hope, truth and justice”) while the actual words written (”Superman is an unidentified alien who likely is *insert massively untrue thing here* irl”). For these guys, that might mean that “We were in love, now we’re strangers” translates into “people used to see that we’re special to each other, and now they see us as strangers” (lmao @ the story that they wrote perfect in separate rooms), and “maybe one day you’ll call me, and tell me that you’re sorry, too” could translate into “we really got into it, and this feels like a delicate moment, and you SUCK at saying sorry, and I wish you would, because you were wrong, too”. Heartbreak comes in many different forms, and using one kind of grief to write about another is a tactic that I’ve used a lot in the past for my own healing process. So maybe that FEELING of being alone and lost and desperate for someone to reach out and see you is real, but the situation (i.e. ‘this is about a break up’) is made up. Goodness knows that much more has been made up for much less, and this way, no one knows who Superman really is. 

The second possibility is that they broke up for a period of time. Looking at some of the more extensive archives, if i had to guess when, I would say that it was likely Feb 2016-Oct/Nov 2016? Because Louis has talked quite a bit about how when his mother took a turn for the worse, his partner was really there for him, and how it brought them closer, and the lessons it taught him about being a partner. Let’s be clear: “we were having a hard time and they stepped up and we became stronger because of it” does not have to mean “we were on a break” - it could totally mean ‘we were fighting a ton and had no clue what would be next and it wasn’t fun anymore’. But if we take it to be that they were on a break, then the lie isn’t ‘we broke up’ the lie is ‘i was broken up with someone for a few years’. 

I can see the arguments for and against both of these possibilities, and idk which I’m more inclined to believe. Sometimes I’m like “they’re Superman!” and other times I think “eh, they probably did take a break in there somewhere”. So the way I look at the lyrics is as if the whole thing was a story, and I look at them in context of the larger story.:

The first step is “what is literally being said in this song”

The next one is “what is the theme of this song/the emotion driving it, and what does that say about the person writing it”

the third one is “where does this fit in the time it was written? who would have influenced the song? what was happening at the time?” 

And from that, just like from any book, we can build an analysis. I *really* feel that answering those three questions can tell you what you need to know about how literal any given song is! We can even do a quick run through - let’s do ‘Miss You’:

The song is literally saying that they miss the person they’ve been with for a long time, and that they wish they could go back to what they used to be 

The emotions driving the song are regret, loneliness, bitterness, and longing 

They were massively pushing ‘ reformed (ish) party boy Louis’ at the time, and the song fits that narrative well. When the song was released (Dec 2017) , he’d just gotten back together with Eleanor (Feb [?] 2017)so it would have been a reflection of that time they spent apart, and how he felt when he was alone. Given that we know he’s not actually dating Eleanor, we can assume that they narrative and the things that push that might also tilt towards “not literally true”. The song was written by 7 people, and any number of people could have taken the emotions driving the song and come up with different lines, and Louis could have connected with those lines for different reasons, some of them being more literal, and some more emotional/metaphorical. 

And then, taking all those components, you decide on what you think is the most likely read of that song. I can’t tell you what to think things are about, you know? No one can! I can only tell you what *I* think makes most sense when you put art in the context in which it was written, because nothing is ever created in a bubble.  

#Anonymous #anon asks #i answer #whoa this got super long hahaha #sorry i really really can talk forever #come back and talk to me about things like this any time okay!!! #This was such a fun thing to talk about omg!!!

[vroenis]

When The Best You Can Do Is Shoot A Gun

The Animal Crossing / Doom Eternal Covid19 launch coincidentally seems to be related to this discussion, even tho I’d say Doom Eternal has an excellent combat system and isn’t really relevant to what I’m going to bring up. I don’t have a problem with shooty-shooty, I have purchased, played and will continue to purchase and play plenty of video games that engage with firearm violence. There are plenty of discussions about how intelligent, consenting adults can do this without any problems and I won’t retread them here. Doom is simple game themed vaguely around demons; demons bad, player protagonist good, good player shoot bad demons - OK you got it, apply an incredible movement system into that and enjoy.

What I want to discuss involves of-course that pesky word and idea nuance, which annoys the shit out of more people these days, for its applications and misapplications - fingers-crossed I don’t fuck it up, but first I want to bring up Ubisoft and systems, so now’s as good a place as any for a stolen picture from the internet.

As far as concept art goes, that’s actually very representative of the final product in-game.

Ubisoft appear to have a long-term open-world tech development objective. I believe at some point very soon, these individual objectives will converge into one single middleware product with a mandate to producce retail licenses that combine what each of these individual franchises have been testing and achieving in isolation, those being;

Ghost Recon Wildlands and Breakpoint: 3rd person Load-On-Demand

The Division: 3rd Person Cover and interactivity

Assassin’s Creed: Environmental mapping and interactivity

Starlink: Scaling Load-On-Demand

Far Cry: First Person implementation of various combinations of above

I’ll put it another way;

Ghost Recon: Load everything

The Division: stick to everything

Assassin’s Creed: climb everything

Starlink: scale everything

Far Cry: do it in first person perspective

It looks like all of these games are running in Ubisoft in-house proprietary engines. Ghost Recon and Assassin’s Creed are running in Anvil, developed for the very first Assassin’s game and in which the Prince of Persia 2008 and Forgotten Sands also ran in. Oddly, (Rainbow Six) Seige, Steep (lol) and For Honor are also running in Anvil.

Both Division games and Starlink are running in Snowdrop and this appears to be due to The Division having come from Massive Entertainment. I’ll be honest, from the perspective of a consumer (read: punter) and someone with extremely minimal 3rd-hand development experience, The Division looks far more impressive than both the Ghost Recon and Assasin’s games, and former Massive brand and art director Rodrigo Cortes has said of the engine that it was design to “do things  better not bigger” and I think it shows. Anyway, it was still developed with Ubisoft so as I understand it, they own it. Massive is a Ubisoft subsidiary, their studio based in Sweden.

Far Cry is going to be a little different, being a little older and having its roots slightly before... what shall we call this mess... the cynical age? The microtransaciton age? Anyway. The first game used the CryEngine developed by Crytek. At some point, Ubisoft seemed to develop an offshoot of the engine called Dunia because the CryEngine was licensed and clearly lucrative, I think. I’m not entirely sure, but Dunia does appear to remain in-house and under the auspices of Ubisoft Montreal. Where am I going with all this?

Starlink was “toys to life” a-la Skylanders but way too late, combined with No Man’s Sky-lite, but the game itself other than being overstuffed with Ubisoft copy-and-paste template-quests is an excellent proof of concept.

I do need to say that in general, I don’t have any particular affinity for Ubisoft. So I am yes, absolutely fascinated with something I do think is happening as far as tech goes and now I’m writing about it in this piece, and yes you can tell I’ve played and even enjoyed some of the games they’ve produced and published, but there’s a lot not to like about many of their practices, the least of which is the overbearing sense of cynicism pervasive in many of their games.

I played Far Cry 3 long after it released and got perhaps 20% thru the campaign before giving up entirely. For starters, nothing about how it controlled felt right and I appreciate that’s purely a personal preference. Being a Battlefield player, there’s something about DICE’s sense of locomotion that is perfect to me, even tho it varies from title to title from Bad Company 2 all the way to V most recently. Other things about Far Cry bother me tho - if there’s wildlife around, it always attacks the player, guaranteed. Everything about this game seems to be designed to force the player into engagement, to provide you with materials to collect, craft or sell, but also to run you short of ammunition to either scrounge for more or have to buy it because *surprise* - it prompts you to purchase ammunition for real-world money. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Fuck off. I uninstalled the game immediately. I can deal with ridiculous AI with magical aim and irrational scripting. I can deal with absurd narrative for the sake of reading (and roasting later), but the entire package culminating in purchasing more ammunition was otherworldly, it was truly bizarre. To this day, I don’t understand what world Ubisoft inhabits that this is something that makes sense to anyone in management or marketing, and yet there it is and there are consumers that not only accept it but embrace it. No doubt there are metrics from the mobile industry that support it and dear lord the capitalist apocalypse is upon us.

What will Ubisoft do when they can merge these technologies? They definitely want to and likely already have in-house, they just need the engine to run client-side for the Consumer. You and I and Inside Gaming are all laughing it up at Stadia right now, but we’re at the wrong end of the business. For Ubisoft, they can ignore the faltering at the start, it’s the long-term they focus on. The pittance Google are losing now, even if they end-up shuttering the project will be meaningless if they end-up getting the hardware to work, even if the end-result is the hardware sitting in a box in the consumer’s home in 10 years. Sure, that’s a long loop, but the journey still doesn’t matter, only the eventual ROI.

If this piece hasn’t gotten boring for you yet, it’s about to because you’re probably excited for what Ubisoft will do with this impending technological power and development and I rally am not. What will Ubisoft do with it? Probably just more Assassin’s Creed, except you’ll be able to snap to cover and have a fully mapped country. Probably more The Division, but you’ll have a fully mapped city that you can also climb on the outside of buildings and then enter them without any loading. Probably more Far Cry but with bigger maps and more interactivity and less loading. The next generation of consumer hardware consoles from Microsoft and Sony are upon us and as much as PC enthusiasts hate to admit it, the consumer market is largely gated by the generational hardware stepping of these platforms. That may change after this era depending on how Google, Amazon and indeed Microsoft and Sony go with cloud computing, but for the moment the status-quo will remain as alternative products develop. Bear in mind with Covid19, climate change and the general sustainability and ethical standards of working and living being under growing scrutiny the world over, things are changing more each day, our technology development may change in ways we don’t expect so who even knows what��s in store for the future.

So What Do I Actually Want?

Good question. NB: before you ask, Animal Crossing isn’t my thing. I played it years ago on Gamecube. It’s cute, it’s fine. I’ve no interest in it. I’m writing this note in retrospect because I realise you may say “Just play Animal Crossing or The Sims but hopefully I can illustrate by neither of those games is what I’m after, nor do I just want to build a house in something like No Man’s Sky and fill it with crap. Let’s see if I get there... A few weeks ago I wrote about how the best thing Naughty Dog did with Uncharted 4 was Elena and Nathan’s domestic spaces. I did purchase The Division 2 on the cheap a couple of weeks ago and I’ll be honest, there’s a lot about it that I’m enjoying quite a bit. For a start, visually it’s stunning. The art team have done an excellent job of both filling the world with immense detail, but also making every area of Washington unique and distinct which is a huge feat given the total space covered. Thus far, I’ve spent a whole lot of time just walking around and gathering resources, in part just to sightsee and explore without any particular objective in mind. After a while, I got the impression that the map was a bit flat, but the more you explore, the more you find places where you get verticality, and then doing missions always adds verticality and variety in environmental and art design, it’s a marvel to see.

Apologies to James and Thomas (above) for ripping these images, but I’m glad your names are in frame so you have direct credit - outstanding work. The art in this game is without question its strongest element.

And that’s just the thing - The Division is an interesting game in that what I enjoy most is the sense of walking around exploring, gather resources and helping people. I’m not here on an anti-violence kick - I play Battlefield, I actually don’t mind the shooting in The Division, it’s fine, whatever, I’m not going to justify that. What I’m saying is that it gets boring.

THERE ARE A LOT OF GAMES ABOUT SHOOTING.

Like... a lot. More than enough. There will always be a lot of games about shooting and that’s fine. I think I’ll always play them. Hey, I even play games about shooting *in very specific ways* - it’s not like I don’t care about the shooting, I’m playing The Division with only a bullpup DMR and shotgun combo, plus I’m trying to use my sidearm when traversing the streets as much as possible so don’t at me, I’m in the game.

But we seem to mostly get high detail assets in games with guns because shooty games get all the money. I get it - shooty games get all the sales because we as gamers like to play them - sure, I’m one of them, but I didn’t buy The Division until it was under AUD$30 because gotdam the shooting is so boring and even now yes, it really do be just more boring shooting, just like it’s boring in Uncharted, just like it’s boring in Ghost Recon (my goooooood so boring), just like it is in Destiny, and the umpteenth shooty mcshooty game. I’m getting too old for this.

Uncharted 4 had an opportunity to do something more and it almost did. For many players, it probably achieved enough of what I was after by those two visits to the Fisher and North residences but I wanted so much more of that. I want to see Sully’s house or houses, more of his life. I want to know where Chloe’s life is at. I want to know of their lives and emotional engagements outside of the frankly stupid narrative I have no interest in because it’s clearly stupid and an excuse for running and jumping that other games have since done better. If Uncharted as a whole was a subtext for character, then by the fourth game, the focus should have been the characters that carried the series thru to the end - no disrespect to Tom Baker - not the heretofore unrevealed older brother.

For Years I Didn’t Know “Walking Simulator” Was A Pejorative

I think this is why I replayed and continue to replay Dear Ester so much. I remember laughing my ass off at YouTubers making videos about how it wasn’t a game and that it didn’t have objectives. Yet there were still threads and might still be on reddit or Discord wherever gamers congregate these days - about “virtual tourism” and “just chillin’ in place x because it’s so awesome” etc. It’s fine, each generation will rediscover virtual tourism again and again and we can’t denigrate anyone for doing so, it’s certainly nothing we invented given it comes from literature and oral tradition before that, but it’s remarkable that there’s this resistance to experiences crafted purely for the purposes of being immersed in them.

I adore Dear Ester and Everybody’s Gone To The Rapture. Absolutely loved What Remains Of Edith Finch and only if you have already played Edith Finch, because it’s full of spoilers but also its own spoiler warnings, I heartily recommend Joseph Anderson’s outstanding video The Villain of Edith Finch. It’s a 53 minute watch so I won’t embed it, and he has a certain style of presentation that won’t gel with everyone, nor do I always agree with everything he says which should go without saying but at some point folks, you have to stop pursuing art, criticism and media that just wholly aligns with your own views. That said, I generally do find most of what he says agreeable, innit. Anyway he’s great and the video is great.

While Dear Esther is more surreal and Rapture and Edith Finch are in part slightly more fantastical than the real-life settings of Uncharted 4′s home and Division’s post-apocalyptic cities, they all visually represent dense, very human object-rich spaces that to me are quite interesting to explore. Dear Esther might be a little more rooted in nature but its human elements tie-in to its narrative in an extremely interesting way. Each game offers different levels of interaction, some that serve the narrative directly, some as subtexts and others quite mildly in the periphery.

I’m sorry if I’m repeating myself but I remember seeing a promo for Battlefield Hardline coming off the back of Battlefield 4 and the ridiculous marketing phrase “levolution” - the term they coined for large-scale environmental destruction (please take the keys away from the marketing department). I remember seeing video footage of a large construction crane falling in a level and thinking

“All this intelligence, all this tech, and this is what we do with it? Is this all we can achieve? This is it?”

That’s how I feel about this emerging technology. Somewhere out there (on YouTube, to be fair), there’s all this footage buried of the Beyond Good And Evil sequel that to everyone’s knowledge is still in development. I’d put my money on that being the first project built in Ubisoft’s convergence engine that they hope successfully implements everything that each of these games executes individually. I know the BG&E fans are frothing for it and when I saw those early demos, what I interpret of the tech did blow me away, but from an experience perspective, I did still think the same thing...

“Is this it?”

Because of-course, a huge part of the new game is going to be combat. I just - don’t - care. When I think about what was lacking in Uncharted 4, what I wanted more of, it was intimacy. What didn’t I like about the conversation and resolution between Elena and Nathan? About the tours of their homes, the little time spent playing as Cassie, the few insights into Sully as a character, the absence of Chloe who was such a great contrast to Nathan, Elena and Sully all-together... it was intimacy. Yea oroight, so I don’t exactly mean the type of real-life intimacy between lovers, do I - that much is clear. But if I don’t mean shooty because there’s enough of that, and I’m leaning into domestic detail and emotional exploration and reflections of that in objects, spaces and interactivity, then that’s what I mean.

Tho I’m loath to bring it up, I feel like in the worst possible way, David Cage is right on the periphery of this discussion (and for that reason, I ain’t tagging him or his games in this entry, get fucked). He has the most vague notion of trying to ground his games in the intimacy of human experience, so he tries to tie human locomotion and objects to the digital representations of interactivity. If we take those as perhaps the worst possible examples and then come back to some really good examples in Uncharted 4 so I can stop whipping it - I maintain that the house tours are strengths and the high-points of the game, and then look at something like The Division and consider opportunities for more complex interactivity centred around helping people and emotional engagement, I feel like that’s what I’m after.

Which is impossible, right? No-one’s going to make a game even a quarter of the scope of The Division, with all that amazing dynamic lighting, with all those awesome textures and mapped objects, animations, rigged character models, complex scripting and AI, interactivity, load-on-demand tech and full voice-talented support, just to be a game about exploring, sightseeing, meeting and learning about people and helping them? Because who would play that?

I would, for a start.

#video games #videogames #better start taging in the single word version #ubisoft #ghost recon #the division #assassin's creed #starlink #far cry #video game development #Dear Ester #What Remains Of Edith Finch #Joseph Anderson #Beyond Good And Evil #Uncharted #Uncharted 4 #Battlefield #Levolution #game development #chrono #2020 #housekeepingtags #writing about games #writing about video games #writing about videogames

[carversourcebe]

Charlie’s interview for Schön! Magazine

This has been a challenging year for most people. What is a challenge you have faced recently and how did you overcome it? Or, how are you working towards overcoming it?

“I’ve been too addicted to the news. I don’t know if that’s what you were going for, but really, it’s been a challenge. On the one hand, I think it’s especially important right now to stay informed, to understand sources, look at a subject from multiple angles, and then study how it’s being parsed to different intended audiences. But the constant refreshing, the phone time became… Immobilising. This year has been a teacher. I’ve had to learn (relearn?) how to anchor to things in the present, things actually in front of me. Enjoying each bite of a meal by myself. Spending an afternoon on a blanket underneath a tree. Cultivating an appreciation for things at that human scale. I’ve found it’s easy to get overwhelmed otherwise.”

On the bright side, has there been anything that has particularly inspired you this year that you want to share?

“Nature. It’s medicine, every time.”

To all of us that watched you since your Teen Wolf days to now, we know the diverse roles you’ve played over the years. If you had to choose, who has been your favourite character until now, and why?

“Oh gosh! I’ve been so lucky. What’s been so fun is that all of these incredible characters I’ve gotten to play have ended up inhabiting completely different worlds – different genres. Action, drama, fantasy, sci-fi, horror, comedy. That doesn’t necessarily change the underlying humanity of each character in the story, but each genre has presented new challenges and experiences. I don’t know if I have a favourite character, but I’ve loved working on period pieces. Diving into the social history of a particular time period is my kind of fun.”

Let’s talk Ratched. This Netflix psychological thriller series looks haunting in the best way! Being part of it, how would you describe it in your own words?

“I remember walking onto the sound stages on my first day and being blown away. The creative team did such a phenomenal job making the world of Ratched come to life – the sets, the costumes, the props, the makeup. When you’re given such a detailed reality to play in, so much flows from that. It was a blast. Hard work but a blast. And the loveliest group of people all pretending to do some pretty horrible things to one another. For all of the horror and heartbreak you see on the show – well, just know that we had so much fun going there. Also, Sarah Paulson is a goddess.”

Your character in the show Ratched is Huck. What do we need to know about Huck before watching the series?

“I think it’s important to know where Huck has just come from. He’s a war veteran. A veteran of World War Two, specifically. Young men entered that war with a somewhat different attitude and set of expectations. War was advertised primarily as an adventure. An initiation rite. But any notion of the explicit violence of war was mostly precluded by a heavily advertised heroic narrative. I think Huck somewhat innocently signed up to be hero, largely unaware of the horrors of the battlefield. And he returns with that trauma on his face, something he cannot hide. Wounded veterans of the First and Second World Wars were not at all met with the same welcome as the boys that came back “whole”. They were often slowly pushed out into lives of solitude due to overwhelming feelings of shame in a country that did not want to be reminded of the nature of their sacrifice. And veterans rights and services did not then exist as they do now, limited as they unfortunately still are.”

How did you land the role?

“I had just worked with Ryan on The Boys In The Band on Broadway. One of my castmates, Andrew Rannells, needed to be in Los Angeles to film a television show and we found ourselves doing a house swap – he at mine Los Angeles and me with the keys to his place in New York for a few months (We still call it The Holiday). Ryan was in New York and invited me for dinner one night, and at one point the conversation turned to the show he was developing – Ratched. I was completely taken with the world he was describing and before I knew it, he offered me a part. I was speechless. Of course, I said yes.”

Do you think that playing Huck was similar to any other roles you’ve played in the past? If not, what sets him apart?

“Hmmm. I think I’ve always been drawn to finding the sweetness, the goodness of my characters. But no, this was very new for me and a challenge. I really wanted to live up to the backstory of this character and knew early on that makeup and prosthetics would play a big part in telling his story.”

The show is loosely based on the popular novel, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. Interestingly enough, that book is one of the most controversial and banned given some of its themes. Have you read it? What are your general thoughts on this comparison, and would you say the show is likely to be controversial?

“I have! I read it in high school. I loved the book and was very into Ken Kesey and the Merry Pranksters as well. It’s a beautiful book. And a beautiful film. I don’t know if a comparison can be made other than that they both probe at and challenge the institutions central to them. I really love that Ratched puts women at the centre.”

How has it been working with Ryan Murphy again?

“Ryan is one of the few people in the world who makes me laugh to the point of tears. Truly. Tears. I love that man! I have so much fun watching his work. I had been a big fan for a long time. His leadership in pushes for more inclusive storytelling were a large part of the affirmation I needed from the world that I could come out. That the business was changing and would continue to change. He takes such good care of his actors and has given me chances I’m not sure I would have been given otherwise.”

Are there any particular messages you hope people find and take from watching the show, Ratched?

“First of all, I hope people enjoy it. It’s been a really challenging year. Ratched is deliciously fun and twisted. I hope it’s a welcome escape. That is so important. But I do think the show invites questions about authority and morality. So many of the horrific moments in the show come from very real psychiatric practices of the last century. Just because something is legal or ordained, does that make it right? On whose authority? And I think we as a society are only beginning to understand and appreciate how destiny is inscribed by trauma. Can I recommend a book? The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk came into my hands while filming this show. It changed my life.”

What’s the biggest lesson you learned from working on the show?

“Trust. To trust myself, yes, but really to trust the team. Making a show is a group effort. Forgetting that is the fastest way to find yourself in an unnecessary pressure cooker of your own making. Nothing can ever go “perfectly” until you trust that nobody fully expects it to. In that, there is so much more room for fun.”

Aside from Ratched, you’ve also landed a role in Batman! This highly anticipated movie is on everyone’s radar, especially with the recently released teaser trailer. How did it feel landing that? Are you a fan of the comics?

“I don’t think it’s even fully registered. I went through a big comic book period as a kid. I would buy volumes and read through each in one sitting. It’s a bit of a childhood dream come true, really, getting to act in one.”

Can you give us any details to hold us over until summer 2021?

“I can’t! But how about that trailer?”

Fair enough! You seem to have taken quite a few off your bucket list already, but what type of role would you like to pursue next?

“I’ve always had a thing for the spy genre. Something like that would be really fun. But honestly, if I’m moved by the writing and can get the job, I’ll take it. That’s the fun of this job. Jumping in.”

Link of the article here

#Charlie Carver #Carver Twins #ratched #ryan murphy #the batman #the boys in the band #netflix #interview

[rallamajoop]

Inception: A Fannish Retrospective

For a while now I’ve found myself craving a fic of a particular hard-to-define quality – something with a bit of grit and maturity – not graphic or grim, but perhaps the kind of seedy underworld setting you might find in the better parts of Tarantino or Guy Richie’s oeuvre. The kind of fic that lets me believe that if the author toned down the slash and published it as a mainstream crime or espionage thriller, I’d still be enthused about reading it. Cord Smithee’s work is a particularly good example, for the UNCLE fans out there, but you can only reread those fics so many times, and fic of that quality has been especially sparse in the last few fandoms I’ve drifted through, and so the craving lingered.

Then it hit me: hey, you know what fandom used to be really good for that kind of fic? Inception.

And after all this time in Venom fandom, it was hardly a big jump to more Tom Hardy, so.

Maybe the bigger wonder is that nearly ten years on, most of the fic is still just as good as I remember it being. Mirabella’s Towards Zero remains one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever read in any fandom, and delires’ chav!Eames AU is better than any idea that cracked has any goddamn right to be, and (at least as long as you’re into the juggernaut ship that is Arthur/Eames) you are spoilt for choice ­­for more.

But revisiting a fandom this much later and binging this much fic, you notice things. We’ll start with…

The Film

Still holds up on rewatching today. It will never be nearly as smart a film as I’ve seen some claim: totems, for one, make no fucking sense (they’re objects with details known only to you, but if Cobb can unintentionally bring a carbon copy of his wife into a dream, why not a top that falls over when spun? And why does it keep spinning indefinitely in dreams, anyway?), and for all the exposition on ‘kicks’, why the kicks need to be synchronised to work under sedation is woefully under-explained, to the point I’m always by distracted trying to make sense of it in the middle of the third act. (Do not even get me started on the ‘it’s actually about filmmaking!’ theory – the mental gymnastics required to explain how Yusuf or Mal fits in or why we’re so fixated on the importance of the set designer, of all roles, is laughable. Some of the parallels are moderately entertaining, but don’t try to tell me you’ve unlocked the secret meaning of the film – Inception is not a movie that makes you work that hard to find its main themes.)

But the film works despite its plotholes because it’s not, ultimately, a story driven by its mechanics: the endlessly spinning top may make no sense, but film is a visual medium, and it’s such a good visual gimmick it’s gets a pass. The practical stunts are still as impressive ever, but what really lifts Inception so far beyond your typical action/heist film – for me, at least – are the characters, and the huge emotional payoffs at the end. Fischer’s reconciliation with his father is no less moving for its falseness, “We did grow old together” has gotten a sniffle out of me time and again, and the final “We’ll be young men together” scene is wonderful in so many ways I could only dream there was the Cobb/Saito fic to live up to. It’s not for nothing I’ve got Inception mentally filed in my very short list of humanist action movies along with Mad Max: Fury Road, Terminator II, and precious few others.

And then there’s…

 The Fandom

Film fandoms are always an interesting beast, peaking as they do when the film is still in theatres, when most folks writing fic are working off imperfect memories of having seen an hour or two’s worth of canon maybe once or twice at most. Fanon can go feral in far less conducive environments, is my point here – inevitably, there’ll be the details that get analysed to death or flanderised to the point of parody, and the details that get altogether forgotten. Here’s just one example that hit me on a rewatch: I have lately read god knows how many different theories on just what it means that Arthur knew Eames was in Mombasa – none of them the least bothered by how everything in Cobb’s behaviour in that scene suggests he already knows exactly where he’s going, and may even be right now leaving to catch his flight. We could talk about the artefacts of clunky exposition being shoehorned into the dialogue, or the actual intent of that exchange, but shipper-goggles give you some powerful tunnel-vision (and I say this as someone who ships it like burning).

Binge as much fic as fast as I have in the last few months, and you begin to notice trends. Common themes and popular fanon that have ascended to gospel, and facets of the original film I’d love to see explored that fandom seems to have collectively missed altogether (and the sad lack of decent Cobb/Saito is only one). Below, in no particular order, are some of those observations.

Since most of these come across as critical, I want to emphasise that I have had a ball revisiting the fic in this fandom, and there are probably multiple fics guilty of everything I touch on below which I have loved to bits. It’s only the repetition that really starts to make you sit up and notice.

1.       The Cobb-bashing, oh my god the Cobb-bashing! I had forgotten just how much this fandom hates Cobb. In the film, Cobb’s plan is the only reason Arthur and Eames ever end up in the same room at all – yet in fanfic, Cobb has been recast as the only thing keeping them apart. I’m not kidding there – fic with that exact premise is almost its own genre. In Inception fanon, Cobb is crazy and cares only about himself, and Arthur has wasted years of misplaced loyalty keeping him alive. Fanon!Eames hates Cobb for monopolising Arthur’s attention (in the film, Eames seems underwhelmed to learn Cobb is still working with Arthur at all). Fanon!Eames only works with Cobb at all because it’s an excuse to work with Arthur (in the film, they’re barely capable of having a civil conversation). Fanon!Eames never forgives Cobb for concealing the level of sedation they were under Inception job, and nor does Arthur (in the film, no-one even mentions Cobb’s deception after they leave the first level, and Eames’ main disappointment at the end is that he won’t get to see the Fischers’ big reconciliation, but why let that douse a good hateboner?) Meanwhile, Yusuf’s corresponding betrayal and Arthur’s equally-disastrous research-fail are rarely referenced. It’s not every fic, but the base level of Cobb-hate around these parts is pretty astounding. There’s nothing new about fans bashing the main character for having the gall to take screentime away from their OTP, and I’d be the last to play down Cobb’s real failings. But when one finds oneself tempted to leave enthusiastic comments on decade-old fic, praising the author for giving Cobb a minor scene or two where he gets to be a total bro to Arthur for a change… I promise you, it’s not me, it’s this fandom.

2.       For all that Eames is basically the single biggest reason I’m reading in this fandom, his fanon characterisation leaves something to be desired. I do get the appeal of flirty!Eames or pining!Eames – it’s just that once in a while, you find yourself longing for fic about the guy who was actually in the movie – y’know, the one who’s first response to Arthur’s name was, “Arthur? Are you still working with that stick-in-the-mud?” I am totally down with the idea he was feigning indifference– maybe for Cobb’s benefit, maybe he’s actively in denial himself, whatevs. But fanon!Eames characterisation typically ranges from “hopelessly in love with Arthur from the moment they met” to “a walking sexual harassment lawsuit in action,” and neither of those guys could convincingly feign indifference to save their lives. It’s also a shame we don’t see more of the side of Eames that got so genuinely, unashamedly invested in what they were doing for Fischer – quite beyond the money and the prestige, Eames loves that they get to fix Fischer’s relationship with his father and reveal Browning as the rat that he is, and it’s a wonderfully humanising side to such a shady character. There should be so much scope in there to cast Eames was a guy with a real idealistic streak, or more conscience than he’d usually admit to, or just an abiding love for melodrama – the possibilities go on and on (and if you can’t think of a dozen ways to tie any of those in as fuel for his rivalry with Arthur for bonus shippy fodder, you aren’t even trying). But that part of Eames never does seem to have found a place in the fandom’s collective headcanon, because hell if I can find any exploration of it in fic, le sigh. (Cynically, I have to wonder if it’s because it clashes with the fanon where Eames spent the Inception job furiously hating Cobb and focused on Arthur, but even that seems somewhat lacking as an answer. Who even knows?)

3.       As a corollary to the above, remarkably few fics make any attempt to deal with the fact that Arthur and Eames a) basically hate each other, b) for reasons that do not entirely revolve around how Arthur won’t put out. Obviously, this is a ‘hate’ that covers a much deeper well of underlying respect, but these are two guys who only stop taking potshots at each other when they’re being shot at for real, and to me that is 95% of the fun of the pairing – why does no-one even seem to try to recreate that dynamic in fic? Even 99% of Eames’ infamous ‘flirting’ would be better described as him pulling Arthur’s pigtails. Yet virtually no-one seems to want to tackle their antipathy head-on – even fic that acknowledges it as a past phase of their relationship isn’t set during that phase. I’m all for seeing them eventually end up friendlier, but you’ve got to show me how they get there first – that’s the good bit! Why does everyone skip over it? :((((

4.       This fandom has SUCH a thing for underage!Arthur. Fics will go on and on about how young he looks, or theorise that he was actually underaged when he first got into dreamshare, or at least looked it. Seriously, the idea of Eames having mistaken Arthur for a teen when they first met is, like, the accepted pan-fandom headcanon as to why they don’t get on (unless we’re in military-backstory land, in which case it’s that Arthur had to deal with Eames hitting on him during the time of DADT). Then there are the many (MANY) AUs where Arthur really is a teen, hitting on the much-older Eames – there’s that one semi-parody where even twenty-something!Arthur gets cockblocked by his own looks, and there’s even at least one that flips things so that Eames the one who was underage when they met, just for variety.

It’s a real Thing, and I only wish I understood where it comes from, since (to me) Arthur has always looked like the 29yo man JGL legitimately was back when Inception hit screens – I don’t think he’d even passed as a Hollywood!teen for a solid half a decade at that point. So… are there really that many people who thought JGL looked that young when the film came out, or is this just one of those fannish meme things? I may never know.

5.       No-one (by which I mean almost no-one) gets how limbo works. Fic after fic treats it as basically just a garden-variety coma, and colleagues can spend days or months moving the victim, gathering a team and planning a complex rescue. Rarely is it ever remembered the whole point of limbo is that you can age and die trapped in your own mind in no more than hours in the real world. When Eames talks about being ‘trapped in limbo until our brains turn to scrambled egg’, I think it’s safe to assume he’s being pretty literal. Basically, if you’re not treating limbo as the temporal equivalent of the Total Perspective Vortex, you’re probably doing it wrong.

6.       No-one does anything interesting with Ariadne. This, I have some sympathy for: it’s hard to know where to go with someone who ends the film where she does – her push-pull relationship with the world of illegal dreamshare is not a contradiction that can be easily resolved in a subplot, if at all. But the Ariadne who so quickly had Cobb picked as a loose canon never seems to appear in fic either, and nor does the Ariadne with the guts to sneak into his dream to find answers, or the prodigy whose last-minute moment of inspiration saved the whole job. No, Inception fic is more likely to give you an Ariadne who giggles and drags her teammates out partying than any of that, which is absurd to the point of being genuinely offensive. Seriously, that is some A-grade “all we remembered about her is that she’s female”-bullshit. Even when she’s not saddled with OOC giggle fits, fic!Ariadne also remains frustrating static: years after the film, she’ll still be doing extractions with the Inception team, despite seeming no more at home in their world. Where’s the Ariadne who embraces the underworld wholeheartedly and reaches Arthur or Cobb levels of badassery? The Ariadne whose natural gifts and overconfidence get her into Cobb-levels of trouble? Who takes the Inception job as inspiration to go into therapeutic uses of dreams? Who finds legitimate dream-related work through Miles or Saito, but still lets the old team drag her back into extractions every once in a while (because she’s easily one of the most reliable architects in the whole shady business, and there’s a part of her that still kind of loves it)? WHERE?

The obvious rejoinder to all this is that it’s hardly surprising Ariadne doesn’t get much play when you’re mostly reading Arthur/Eames fic. So (because the land of fic is still terrible at cataloguing character-specific gen) I had a dig through some Arthur/Ariadne fic for comparison – only to run into much the same frustrations all over again. No-one takes her character anywhere very interesting.

So you can imagine my surprised delight when I tried a couple of Arthur/Ariadne/Eames fics on a whim, and almost immediately found not one but two different stories willing to dive headfirst into the questions surrounding Ariadne’s future in the world of illegal dreamshare (plus multiple stories which made a very convincing case that Ariadne should absolutely celebrate their successful Inception by having a threesome with her colleagues, I mean, damn).

I have absolutely no idea what it says about fandom that I had to go looking at threesome fic to find real character development, but at this point, I’ll take it.

7.       So, I get why everyone reads Eames as queer (duh), but having discovered two quite excellent straight!Eames fic (which is to say, fic which utterly sells the idea that Eames considers himself straight or had no experience with men until long after meeting Arthur), the fact no equivalent seems to exist for Arthur baffles me. Sure, there’s one or two stories where one smile from Eames is about all it takes to make him change his mind, and one great kink meme fill that might have been just what I was looking for if it had ever been finished. But otherwise, the idea that Arthur (a guy who snogs Ariadne and is given no other obvious sexuality) -- the same Arthur whom every other fic portrays as seriously emotionally repressed – the idea this guy might not be experienced and comfortable dating men just… doesn’t seem to have occurred to anyone. Which is so weird.

Is there not enough RL evidence that Tom Hardy can and does make straight guys reconsider their preferences? Is the idea of an Arthur who’s repressed that side of his own sexuality not a juicy enough explanation for the tension between them? How on earth did we wind up with a fandom where Eames is more likely to be the designated “straight” one at the start of the story than Arthur? The mind boggles.

Holy shit, you’re still reading? Damn! Have some more recs as thanks for listening to me ramble at so much length.

Recs!

Here’s those two from the top again, because I really do love them that much

We Can Do This Until We Pass Out by delires Disturbing London, baby, we about to branch out. (The one where Eames is a chav)

Towards Zero by Mirabella Five levels down, and five to dig yourself back out.  Arthur met Eames' projection long before he met Eames.

Where the Dead Live also by Mirabella There's a monster in Arthur's basement.  Maybe he shouldn't have invited it in. It’s the vampire!Apocalypse, and this one is intense. Utterly brilliant, but equally unapologetic about the implications of its premise. So, for a somewhat-lighter take on monster!Eames, I will also throw in:

Cthonical’s demon!Eames verse Unfinished -- arguably never even properly started, just a series of ficlets from a ‘verse that never quite got written, but they are scorching hot and still well worth a look.

That’s a lot of darker fic though, probably time to lighten the mood a little.

Anal [Inception] aka Not Now Cobb We're Doing BGs also by cthonical Arthur and Eames both play WoW. They kick ass at Warsong Gulch, and when they team up they’re nigh on unstoppable.They don’t know they’re playing with each other.

Champion Sound by pyrimidine Prompt: Arthur is a DJ, Eames is a bartender.

London Bridge by sorrynotsorry Arthur loves whiskey, and maybe strippers. 

My two favourite Arthur/Eames/Ariadne fics

How to Cure Insomnia by wonderfulwrites When she called Arthur for advice on how to deal with the unexpected insomnia - okay, fine, on the pretense of asking for advice – she hadn’t expected to have to wade through a sea of bodies to see him. But then, she also hadn’t expected Eames’s cheerful but surprising, Just come, Ariadne. You can sleep when you’re dead.  Or Eames, at all, really. The Wind on the Mountain by Starlingthefool Something in her rebels against this casual, passive seduction. God knows why, but she’s sitting up in the water, taking her foot back from Eames and dislodging Arthur’s hands from her back. She stands, wet underwear clinging ridiculously to her, and says to Arthur, “All right. Your turn.”

Aaand let’s have a few more straight Arthur/Eames to round it out.

Untitled and Untitled, redux by Helenish -- two variants on a theme, and do not let the lack of proper titles put you off, they’re both great.

Unexpected Plot Twist by ethrosdemon Post-Inception -- long and (as promised) twisty, and a very solid read.

Four Corners by Mithrigil In Eames’ line of work, a first impression means nearly everything. It’s always a pity when he doesn’t get off on the right foot.

Kiss With A Fist  by cmonkatiekatie Because apparently, to find real Arthur/Eames antagonism, I have to go looking for hate sex. (Not complaining, this is some amazing hate sex.)

And also basically Everything by Wiltling There’s a darker vibe to their work, but it rarely gets oppressive -- just generally a lot of great fic.

#Inception #meta #fic recs

[julianwinchester]

1ST PROJECT

1. How are you settling in - how do you feel about being part of your tutor group?

Fine. I can just get my head down and work if I’m on a good thread and I want to and don’t feel overly distracted or frustrated with other people, but I haven’t really gotten to know any one closely yet. I enjoy being in a space where all I have to focus on is being creative and especially doing work I personally enjoy making.

2. What are your first impressions of the learning environment?

Fairly self-guided, I could ask for certain materials if needed. Getting out of it what I put in, little direct tutoring so far.

3. What are the differences to your previous learning and experience at A-Level?

I didn’t take any art classes at sixth form, so being in a space just dedicated to art is what I was looking for.

4. What if anything, do you need to find more about?

-What we actually do and don’t have access to in terms of materials, spaces, and guidance from tutors/other teachers with experience relevant to what you’re doing

-What is actually expected of you in the sketchbooks- my tutor says that it shouldn’t be a scrapbook and yet every well-graded sketchbook I’ve seen is very much a scrapbook. Do I need to write this much? Or is this too little?

-How to try different materials and get taught how to use them (ceramics, textiles, woodwork)

5. Where do you see yourself currently in terms of art/design/media?

-I have interests in working in all three areas and like the overlap between them.

6. What are your current strengths?

-Concepts, coming up with ideas out of the gate and being confident with them.

-Eye for design/what works visually and what doesn’t.

-It doesn’t take long for me to pick up what I’ve tried so far in Photoshop.

7. What are the areas you need to improve on?

-Follow-through on ideas I like but am not sure how to do

-Explaining/documenting my process- big problem at GCSE. I usually hate writing down my thought process after the fact, but I don’t mind explaining it out loud, so finding a way to bridge that gap

-Working from home

8. Record some actions that will help you achieve this.

-Document my reflections/notes/creative process in a more natural, train of thought way as I work so I don’t put it off

Week 2 09/09/18 - 13/09/19

1. How did you understand the rationale for the project?

Broadly, I understood it as making work which was true to our interests/interpretations of a particular subject, which we derived from the initial conversation and brainstorm we had in groups.

2. How have you made use of your studio time?

Sketching and writing in my sketchbook, testing materials, making pieces unsure if they were going to be a part of my final piece or not

3. What is your understanding of the “Creative Process” and how it applies to your way of Working?

Basically creating, scrapping and elaborating on ideas as they come to you- actively making inspiration. Testing materials/ideas/recycling/borrowing concepts regardless of whether or not they will work and trusting your own intuition/taste. “Sketching and writing in my sketchbook, testing materials, making pieces unsure if they were going to be a part of my final piece or not”

4. How have the contextual references you have found helped you think about new approaches to your work?

The book “No Sleep” by Adrian Bartos has been a huge inspiration so far- seeing how nightclub and event promoters designed flashy, attractive and personality-filled posters considering the lack of resources compared to what I’m capable of in Photoshop has made me want to take advantage of the platofrm even more, and have more fun with the design. Design elements like dithering, blocky type, collage, and repurposing sha

5. How have the practical and material elements of the work gone? (a) have you kept Notes?

Working with ink is fun and something I’m used to, but smudging and miswriting can be frustrating considering the inital aesthetic I was going for was meant to be more clean and technical. Later, while I moved into digital collage, all of my base materials were physical, and working with plasticine meant that I was also able to experiment in how the texture of the clay turns into the black and white, dithered aesthetic of the collages that I was doing. For much of the early project, yes, I’ve kept notes, but I tend to forget to while working digitally

6. What could you do better in the future / what are your plans for next week?

Write and make notes in my sketchbook/blog while working, rather than having to go back and write them after the fact.

7. Have you started photographing your work, keeping the images in a relevant folder?

Yes.

8. You had a tutorial this week, how might you use that to reflect on your progress?

Figure out if I’m making the right kind of notes/how to make those right kinds of notes.

FURTHER NOTES:

There were certainly points during class-time where I had to find things to do and procrastinated, which has been a consistent problem for me in the past. This was especially true in documenting; while I was happy to go crazy and spend lots of time working in Photoshop on my collages, it was really mostly by chance that I came across that idea and from messing around with Adobe Capture on my phone, which is not the most sustainable model of working.

I had a blast researching posters from New York’s nightclub scene in the 70s, 80s and 90s, pretty much completely incidentally when we were asked to pick out books at the library at the beginning of this week

MEDIA - THE RIGHT KIND OF WRONG

Week 3 - Art/Media/Design Projects 16/09/19 - 20/09/19

First project, personal directions:

1. How well did you respond to the first project brief?

Considering the brief was (I believe purposefully) vague, and with my understanding the first brief was mostly about thinking in the creative process and being open to radical shifts in direction, I thought I fulfilled it well.

2. how well did you use your time this week?

I was really happy with the notes I made initially, and the idea of indiscriminately writing down every idea relevant to the project. I became kind of latched onto this idea of creating colourful, noisy gifs or short videos and I spent a lot of early class time working on the sound bytes for them, none of which I ended up using for my final pieces. A similar thing happened with experimenting with physical animation and a phenakistoscope, and it was frustrating feeling like I wasn’t really going anywhere with those ideas. However, I felt like they are getting me closer to my original idea.

Week 8 Art/Media/Design Projects 21/10/19 - 25/10/19

Third project, identifying future directions:

1. Identify overlapping themes, particularly in your personally directed work:

a. are there connections between ideas, approaches to materials or attitudes

that you have you used in all or any of these projects. If so, what are they? If

not, what are the main differences?

-Digital collage has ended up being something I used a lot more than I anticipated I would, since most of the work I’ve made independently before the Foundation year has been gouache and physical collage. I definitely follow the same process of sketching out mostly complete final piece ideas and doing extensive research, but I’ve also found that both projects have had a pretty radical change half-way through.

-I think research being a big part of my projects is a consistent theme for me, but I also consistently have a hard time documenting all the progress, since I’m not sure how to in most cases.

-In terms of consistent themes, all three were relatively different in themes; Media had to do with the supernatural, which is a theme I’m familiar with and interested in, and involved dipping my toes into animation and sound design; Art was based off of an idea I had had well before the project, and involved participatory art being being in a more curatorial role.

Compare how you have used your time between this project and the last. Consider

being open to different ideas and potential changes in direction.

exploring and evaluating different material possibilities.

creating more complex or unexpected outcomes.

developing an understanding of different artists and designers working in a similar area.

creating a better understanding of the different approaches to practice in each area.

presenting and/or explaining your ideas to others.

-I think organisation and note-taking has been a problem on both projects, I want to make the split between in-studio and at-home work more proportional, with time management being more of a problem with this project especially.

-I definitely haven’t been afraid to change direction, almost to a fault, since I closely documented every thought/decision that has gone through my head

Looking back over the last eight weeks are there patterns emerging in how you manage your project work?

-I definitely either latch strongly onto an initial idea, or don’t have one at all and do research, and I have a hard time working in that in-between stage when I need to develop an idea (especially if it’s one I don’t feel strongly about, such as with this current project.

Begin to outline your own particular strengths and weaknesses in relation to all of these approaches. Consider where/ how you fit into these different ways of working.

-I enjoy the research and

-Documentation in general is difficult for me, as it was at GCSE, especially since I have been tending to do all my digital work and research digitally. However, I really enjoy doing research for my work (something I have been doing for a long time, looking up references/inspiration/learning about the subject) the problem is just in getting my thought process and research down.

-I tend to treat the prompt or brief pretty flexibly, which hasn’t been such a problem on the first two projects since experimentation and being open to ideas was a major part of them. Despite the specificity of the Design project’s prompts, and my confidence in how I was going to approach my second try at that project (Switching from the Train Station to the Selfridge’s prompt)

List some of the artists, designers, photographers and filmmakers that have had the most influence on you in the last eight weeks.

what disciplines or areas do they work in?

what subjects did they study?

-Stephen R. Johnston

-Charles Freger

-Mason Lindroth

Use this week’s reflections to identify, or confirm possible future career directions.

-This last project has gotten me thinking about Illustration as a career differently. My initial difficulty with the Design project, criticism I received from my tutor about approaching the Selfridge’s brief by design rather than brand, and the fact that I changed briefs halfway through all of this project made it more frustrating than the previous ones, which is slightly discouraging because it was apparently the most “illustration-y” of the three, and illustration was the pathway I was considering choosing.

Ensure you have your Digital Portfolio updated.