#I’m so tired of feeling scared | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

paperlignes · 1 year

Text

I haven’t been doing well since a thing happened in my life BUT I did finish a knit hat with a pattern and multiple colors and I’m so fucking proud of myself for finishing something!!!

#Saturday nights fuck me up now oh no #if I can make this high off of actually completing a knitting project last through this weekend #that would be the best #gotta block it tomorrow though hope that goes well lol #I want to not feel scared for at least a couple of days #I’m so tired of feeling scared #—personal #when ur parent continues to provide you with traumatic experiences lol lmao even #thanks I absolutely hate it #I also hate the fact that my siblings and I bonded for the first time bc of being scared for our safety #yikes

8 notes · View notes

ihearnocomplaints · 4 months

Text

I point you all to my ko-fi page once more -> link

my parents, enraged that I didn’t sort a massive mound of clothes yesterday (after doing the other chores they asked), essentially decided they are going to start charging me rent.

So this is just in preparation for that moment when they do start asking. I’m still trying to save up to move out. It’s not a huge deal yet (idk how much they’re going to charge) so there’s no pressure to donate.

I work a full time job so I can’t really give much in return. But I can take doodle requests upon proof of donation! I’ll doodle any DCA you want.

Thanks.

#Idk what to tag this #i’m just so tired.#i’m just tired of my parents putting so much pressure on me #like 1) I did the chores they asked of me #2) The only one i didn’t do was because it was literally an overwhelming amount of clothes. The entire fucking laundry room is filled to the #brim with clothes. Literally you cannot walk in there without strpping on some #that’s 6 people’s clothes. Not even most of mine because I actually do my own laundry. other than the ones that get mixed in with the others #and they wanted me sort them. by myself.#I’m autistic and a massiver germaphobe and they wanted me to sort their grimey fucking clothes.#And when I don’t do it? call me useless and lazy #and then i fel insane because maybe i am just lazy and i should do more because they let me live here for free #sometimes i feel in the wrong. maybe i am in the wrong. maybe i should just suck it up and deal with it instead of complaining #I don’t know. I’m scared. I’m so scared #I don’t have anything to fall back on. I don’t have my own car. I have nothing.

100 notes · View notes

snzluv3r · 9 days

Text

welp. i had to stop the antibiotic for my sinus infection because i Am indeed allergic to it and it keeps giving me anaphylaxis so yeah executive decision was made that i shouldn’t risk it :( i’m so frustrated and i’m really starting to feel sick to a point that i could collapse at any moment

#literally had a guy from work i see everyday stop in his tracks and ask me if i’m okay #and i purposefully put on mascara today to mask how horrible i feel #sometimes my sinus pain/pressure and migraines get so severe that i think i would rather just. keep taking the antibiotic #because even though that horrible indescribable dread during anaphylaxis #it’s such a scary horrible sickening feeling like it’s so distinct idk but idk…it eventually goes away #the pain doesn’t unless i finish the whole course of antibiotics #this is so fucking frustrating and i’m so tired i don’t have time #i’m scared i’m going to get pneumonia again #i won’t even be able to go to #the appointment they’re scheduling for me tomorrow until at least tomorrow night and that’s if they even have that #otherwise i’ll have to wait til saturday #god by then i’ll be miserable #i’m so drained and it felt like friday all day for some reason but it’s not ugh #random probably delete later just so annoyed

17 notes · View notes

spiderslvts · 17 days

Text

some new tags ?? some new tags !! + affiliate tags :]

. 🕸️ HOW OUT OF HAND IT’S GOTTEN ╱ ooc.

. 🕸️ MY FLESH IS LACED WITH SUGAR AND MAGGOTS ╱ asks.

. 🕸️ YOU SAY YOU MISS ME ( I’M RIGHT HERE ) ╱ starters.

. 🕸️ WITH PINK EYESHADOW AND A SOBBING PRAYER ╱ isms.

. 🕸️ ANYTHING COULD BE HOLY UNDER NEON LIGHTS ╱ visage.

. 🕸️ DO YOU FEEL THE EYES OVER YOUR BODY STILL? ╱ promo.

. 🕸️ TO SWEETLY MELT IN SIN ╱ rp memes.

. 🕸️ I DRINK ; I BURN ; I SHATTER MY OWN DREAMS ╱ open starter.

. 🕸️ YOUR FISH HOOK IN MY MOUTH ╱ crack.

. 🕸️ EATEN IN PIECES ; NOT MEANT TO BE KNOWN WHOLE ╱ ic.

. 🕸️ I BELIEVE YOU LIKE A BEATEN DOG ╱ dash games.

. 🕸️ I WILL NEVER BE FORGIVEN FOR WANTING ╱ affiliates.

. 🕸️ KISS ME WITH MY BLOOD BETWEEN YOUR TEETH ╱ ships.

. 🕸️ TO BE LOOKED AT &. NEVER SEEN ╱ art.

. 🕸️ TOUCHED DOWN TO THE DELICATE BONES ╱ poetry.

. 🕷 | IN NEON LIGHTS ╱ canon &. main verse.

. 🕷 | THE CALL OF THE ANGELS ╱ overlord verse.

. 🕷 | FEATHER BOAS AND GLITTER ╱ 70’s verse. (ft. sirserpentine)

. 🕷 | OVERSEER OF HELL ╱ zestial’s employee verse (ft. zestials)

. 🕷 | GOOD OLD FASHIONED LOVER BOY ╱ human verse.

. 🕷 | LACED WITH BELLADONNA ╱ lost twins verse (ft. spyderdust)

. ♡ DO YOU LIKE THE SHOW ? ARE YOU TIRED OF IT ? ╱ videoaux.

. ♡ THE LAST SHRED OF TRUTH IN THE LOST MYTH OF TRUE LOVE ╱ hellsbroadcaster.

. ♡ I COULD NEVER DEFINE ALL THAT YOU ARE TO ME ╱ r-adio.

. ♡ BUT I’D NEVER SAY I LOVE YOU JUST TO HEAR YOU SAY IT BACK ╱ sirserpentine.

. ♡ I’M PUT TO AWE SOMETHING SO FLAWED AND FREE ╱ dark-ambition.

. ♡ YOUR BEAUTY NEVER EVER SCARED ME ╱ gamblins.

. ♡ THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN / THE FACE IN MONOCHROME ╱ zestials.

. ♡ YOU HATE THE APPLAUSE / YOU CRAVE THE ATTENTION ╱ xluciifer.

. ♡ BUT YOU’RE HOLDING ME LIKE WATER IN YOUR HANDS ╱ oriiginis.

#. 🕸️ HOW OUT OF HAND IT’S GOTTEN ╱ ooc.#. 🕸️ MY FLESH IS LACED WITH SUGAR AND MAGGOTS ╱ asks.#. 🕸️ YOU SAY YOU MISS ME ( I’M RIGHT HERE ) ╱ starters.#. 🕸️ WITH PINK EYESHADOW AND A SOBBING PRAYER ╱ isms.#. 🕸️ ANYTHING COULD BE HOLY UNDER NEON LIGHTS ╱ visage.#. 🕸️ DO YOU FEEL THE EYES OVER YOUR BODY STILL? ╱ promo.#. 🕸️ TO SWEETLY MELT IN SIN ╱ rp memes.#. 🕸️ I DRINK ; I BURN ; I SHATTER MY OWN DREAMS ╱ open starter.#. 🕸️ YOUR FISH HOOK IN MY MOUTH ╱ crack.#. 🕸️ EATEN IN PIECES ; NOT MEANT TO BE KNOWN WHOLE ╱ ic.#. 🕸️ I BELIEVE YOU LIKE A BEATEN DOG ╱ dash games.#. 🕸️ I WILL NEVER BE FORGIVEN FOR WANTING ╱ affiliates.#. 🕸️ KISS ME WITH MY BLOOD BETWEEN YOUR TEETH ╱ ships.#. 🕸️ TO BE LOOKED AT &. NEVER SEEN ╱ art.#. 🕸️ TOUCHED DOWN TO THE DELICATE BONES ╱ poetry.#. 🕷 | IN NEON LIGHTS ╱ canon &. main verse.#. 🕷 | THE CALL OF THE ANGELS ╱ overlord verse.#. 🕷 | FEATHER BOAS AND GLITTER ╱ 70’s verse. (ft. sirserpentine)#. 🕷 | OVERSEER OF HELL ╱ zestial’s employee verse (ft. zestials)#. 🕷 | GOOD OLD FASHIONED LOVER BOY ╱ human verse.#. 🕷 | LACED WITH BELLADONNA ╱ lost twins verse (ft. spyderdust)#. ♡ DO YOU LIKE THE SHOW ? ARE YOU TIRED OF IT ? ╱ videoaux.#. ♡ THE LAST SHRED OF TRUTH IN THE LOST MYTH OF TRUE LOVE ╱ hellsbroadcaster.#. ♡ I COULD NEVER DEFINE ALL THAT YOU ARE TO ME ╱ r-adio.#. ♡ BUT I’D NEVER SAY I LOVE YOU JUST TO HEAR YOU SAY IT BACK ╱ sirserpentine.#. ♡ I’M PUT TO AWE SOMETHING SO FLAWED AND FREE ╱ dark-ambition.#. ♡ YOUR BEAUTY NEVER EVER SCARED ME ╱ gamblins.#. ♡ THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN / THE FACE IN MONOCHROME ╱ zestials.#. ♡ YOU HATE THE APPLAUSE / YOU CRAVE THE ATTENTION ╱ xluciifer.#. ♡ BUT YOU’RE HOLDING ME LIKE WATER IN YOUR HANDS ╱ oriiginis.

10 notes · View notes

kaazukado · 3 months

Text

Hazbin Fuck My Life

i adore hazbin hotel, i think it’s amazing, but i can’t help but wonder if i just have low standards or am an absolute dumbass because clearly it has issues that i never spotted until someone brought it up, and even then i thought it was fine(like the pacing for the eps. in general i’m cool with it but i will admit - five months passing in five eps? like are you fucking serious??? that’s insane, what the hell)

and then when i feel smart about deciding that gee, alastor was uncharacteristically crude in ep 5, suddenly i feel like the idiot again because all the comments on videos of him cursing lucifer out are saying how it’s such a good way to show how much lucifer pisses him off. i mean, i saw that too, but it still felt incredibly jarring at the time. and now i’ve conformed to public opinion and i genuinely think it’s fine too. go me. (that or it’s that the shock has worn off and i just think alastor saying “fuck you” is funny)

i fucking hate everything here. i don’t want to be one of viv’s blind stans but i don’t want to be one of her blind haters either, nor do i want to go down the rabbit hole of “what fucked up shit has she done in the past decade” or whatever the hell it is that makes people despise her so much. am i lazy? am i willfully ignorant? or am i making the wise choice to avoid potentially meaningless and petty discourse?

i don’t know why this is so stressful. i don’t know what’s wrong with me

#hazbin hotel #rant #personal rant #i just want to like this show #i don’t want any of the fucking baggage of whatever it is viv’s done #i want to like it without feeling like i’m doing a great disservice to mankind #reminds me of this artist i follow and im in his discord server and whenever i said something pertaining to media or some controversial #topic i’d be scared out of my fucking mind cause i thought he’d just rail on me for how stupid i might sound #i think he was just tired and done with everybody’s shit #so not really his fault #still felt bad tho #there’s a genocide in palestine and i’m talking about this #i’m so stupid

12 notes · View notes

frecklystars · 2 months

Text

I’m so sad I won’t be able to watch the Oscars until I’m home from my trip in the third week of March ☠️ the whole world would have seen I’m Just Ken by then and I’ll be left behind 😭😭

And it’s not just “wah im gonna miss a show” bc I don’t rly care about the show itself necessarily. This is my main F/O and I won’t be able to see him but other ppl will. I have felt so disconnected from Ken. I’ve gotten a handful of inbox messages where ppl say “oh i have him call ME his sweet girl now because of your comic” or ppl will tag my ship art with Ken as “oh that’s ME and Ken” and it hurts. I’ve said multiple times I’m not comfortable sharing F/Os but ppl just? Don’t care?? My self insert isn’t somebody for you to project onto, holy shit why is that so hard for some ppl to comprehend

Now when he calls me sweet girl in my fics/drawings I don’t feel anything anymore, I’ve tried making comics and I feel absolutely nothing from him, it doesn’t feel special anymore bc so many people keep self projecting onto my self insert as if she were an “x reader” experience. I’ve felt disconnected from Ken for a couple of weeks now and I’ve been trying so hard to feel good with him again but I can’t. I’m so numb. I don’t want to lose him and the fact that the self shippers who openly project onto my stuff will see him singing live, but I won’t, feels like another major step backwards away from him, if that makes sense. My ship with him doesn’t feel special anymore. I need these characters so badly, I don’t have anybody else if I don’t have my Ryan F/Os and I don’t want to go back to months ago when I had absolutely nothing to hold onto and I was fighting every day just to stay alive. I’ve had special interests completely ripped from me due to abuse and I can’t go back to feeling as bad as I did last year, I had never felt worse and I’m so scared of feeling that way again. I need my F/Os I need Ken and I’m so far away from him now I don’t feel his love for me anymore and it’s terrifying bc last year was the worst year of my entire life and I don’t want to go through my flashbacks and nightmares all by myself, I don’t want to go back to constantly planning my own demise when my trauma was so fresh and I had nothing to comfort me. I jolted awake from more ptsd nightmares today, which has been nearly an everyday ordeal for a year, and I wanted to think of Ken comforting me like I usually do but I didn’t have the heart to do so. I feel so unloved and replaceable the way ppl easily replace my S/I in all of my posts, I don’t believe he’d care for me anymore.

I keep having meltdowns bc the thought of losing F/Os all over again during a time when I’m STILL in such an unsafe situation shakes me up so bad and I don’t know how to solve this problem. I need him with me I need comfort from these characters but I don’t feel connected with them anymore bc I’ve associated them with a dozen other people. At this point I’m not really upset about missing Im Just Ken, im upset about the fact i just feel nothing whatsoever and watching that live could have helped a little but I won’t be able to access it until other people have already seen it, and it won’t feel special anymore. And my ship with him just in general doesn’t feel special anymore, none of them do, and I’m scared and devastated and I don’t know how to fix it

#vent #whatever I’ll just cry about it and delete this later #I don’t want to fucking hard block every self shipper who dumps their tags onto my posts but god. you just don’t do that!!!#it’s common courtesy!!! i can’t share f/os I’m fucking sorry I can’t bc then I’m gonna lose them!!!! and I lost *everything* last year #I can’t lose Ken too but I’m scared I already did #and I want to go offline but I can’t I have to do commissions 😭 because I’m broke asf I can’t afford groceries #I wanna rip my hair out #ppl who didnt follow me last year + didn’t see how bad I was doing May-July have no idea #‘I wanted to die I felt so bad I was unsafe and stalked’ is a fucking understatement and I lost F/Os who were so important to me #and the idea of losing Barbie/Ken scares me to death #I don’t want to go back to feeling as horrible as I was 7 months ago I can’t do it. i can’t do it but I feel him slipping from me #and I wouldn’t if ppl just!!! would stop!!!! tagging my OWN ART as their self ship!!! tagging my stuff as theirs!!!#putting ship tags all over my own posts that are personal to me my god please I’m so tired

11 notes · View notes

itspileofgoodthings · 2 months

Text

.

#low-key feel like some huge revelation is coming in a matter of weeks/months #and I don’t want to look at it #so my every waking moment I am listening to something or chattering away on something as hard as I can so I don’t have to face it #I don’t know if this is intuition or anxiety #and I don’t know what it IS. and the more I try to guess the worse it gets #honestly it’s horrible #guess I just have to trust God. it’s that bad huh #(my favorite joke) (anyway I’m tired and scared and tired!)

10 notes · View notes

autistic-katara · 5 months

Text

seeing ur beloved mutual reblogging some questionable shit (probably unintentionally) but not having the energy to argue or explain why </3

#please i dont wanna have to be the one to correct u fuckers every time u reblog a mildly disguised dogwhistle #goyish mutuals please talk to some jews (who r knowledgeable and want to educate ppl)#cause stg some of the stuff i’m seeing is 2 steps below nazi propaganda #and ik its most likely not malicious but god i’m so tired #please educate urself on some stuff #bcz some of the shit ur rbing could easily be found on some neonazi page if u just (((added some of these around the word zionist)))#or just replaced the word zionist with “jews” or smthn #or idk just so many posts if u tweaked the language just a little but kept the same message it would be blatant nazi shit #and yeah sure the post sounds normal nd everything or whatever but u gotta remembered the point of dogwhistles is to seem innocuous #to signal to other nazis to make them sound more sympathetic and to make ppl calling them out seem insane #just please guys i’m begging u watch out for those posts that r like #“the zionists in hollywood r censoring x” or #“oh no! x jewish celebrity is scared of antisemitism in their big mansion? so sad! lets address their hurt feelings right away #dead palestinian children can wait!”#or whatever #like yes what israel is doing is beyond fucked nd the us being supportive of it is gross but please ffs watch what ur reblogging/posting #think abt if its denying/downplaying antisemitism #if u replaced the word “zionist” with “jew” would it sound like a conspiracy theory?#are u dehumanising jewish/israeli ppl in any way?#(bcz yes not every israeli citizen is the actual devil yk i dont think my 2 month old cousin ever bombed anyone)#yk just please think before u post/reblog jesus fucking christ #idk i kinda went off on a whole rant here oops-#antisemitism #ryan shut the fuck up

10 notes · View notes

makkie-is-screaming · 3 months

Text

I should fucking kill myself

#I have this anger and dislike towards my little brother that’s totally unwarranted like he’s 10 it’s just my issues #n whenever I feel his hatred towards him I want to gut myself like #it’s not his fault that my moms a better mom for him n that he’s not scared of her #It’s not his fault that my dads sober and present for him #it’s not his fault that my older brother is a good brother to him n has never hurt him #it’s not his fault he’s not scared of telling someone he’s hurt or of getting food #it’s not his fault he parrots all of my parents insane conservative views #but I still hold so much anger and resentment #When I look at him I see him getting all the things I never got and being free of the traumas I went through #and I know it’s good and I’m happy he’s grown up in a safer environment but I’m so angry that I didn’t have those parents #and I know he’s also missing so many things I got #But it fucking hurts seeing how loved and safe he is and wishing I had been that innocent at that age #like when he’s fighting with my mom it’s over school work n video games n then he thinks he can talk shit ???#when I was fighting with my mom it was bc she came home from work in a rage #when I was mad at my dad it was because he got drunk n came home n yelled at my mom until she was crying in a corner then left #When I was screaming at my older brother it’s because I was tired of him hurting me not because he called me a name #I’m a horrible sister to him and I hate it because when he was a baby I was so fiercely protective of him and so happy to be his sister #I watched his shows with him and kept him entertained when my parents got bad n I promised myself I’d take care of him the way I never was #but I failed n now I can barely stand being around him #like I’m such a good sister to my sister but that’s it #n it makes me feel worse about my relationship w my brother bc I know I can be better but I’m just a horrible jealous bitch who should die #screaming

8 notes · View notes

snzluv3r · 4 months

Text

why do some fevers feel so much worse than others oh my god i am wearing a crewneck sweatshirt (with a shirt underneath) under a hoodie sweatshirt with my winter jacket zipped on top of it and i’m still so cold. having a temperature just makes everything that’s already painful a million times harder while forcing you to shiver violently through the aches

i wish someone would just help me pack (or maybe just pack for me while i lay there and thank you while also apologizing for not helping) and then play with my hair and gently soothe me to sleep…i have those silly ghost chills that you only really get with fevers (the ones that kind of just dance right on top of your skin) or right before you start to run one but at the same time i feel so deeply cold.

i know my face is burning and it feels uncomfortable, but at the same time the chills run all the way up to my cheekbones, and the thought of a cool compress sounds soothing while also sending subconscious full-body shivers through me to match the ones sent by the fever

15 notes · View notes

barkbrained · 7 months

Text

You have to think things will get better, otherwise what is the point!!! You have to hold out hope that things will get better and then maybe one day things will feel safe and be cool and everything will be fine (at least as fine as it can be)

#misc #rbs okay #I’m just so tired of the state of the world and I’m so tired of feeling unsafe every day #so tired of being tired. I have to hope my body will heal and I will feel better but it’s so hard #change has to come at some point and I have to hope I can make it to that point #I’m having a terrible time coping with the pain and fatigue and mental strain covid has left me with #I want to feel okay again so badly #all I want in the world is to make art and experience art and music and movies and live a little life with my partner in some place nice #I’m scared I’ll never feel okay enough to have that and I’m scared the world won’t ever feel safe enough again to have that #I just keep telling myself something has to change and trying to believe it so hard #if I make it through this pandemic with any semblance of health and stability I will be happy #I don’t even want to think about how much trauma the pandemic has given me and will continue to give me #I grieve everyday for the world that could’ve been and the person I will never get the chance to be because of this pandemic #my health anxiety has skyrocketed in the past four years and just keeps getting worse #I can’t hear people coughing or sneezing or sniffling without panicking for a few seconds every time #I already had emetophobia before 2020 but now I have the same panicked feeling from anyone exhibiting any signs of illness #it’s exhausting T-T everything is exhausting #sorry for vent-ish post on main ik it’s not very professional but whatever this is my blog #covid tw

12 notes · View notes

banghwa · 2 months

Text

..

#sry btw for rly not being active anymore. i wanna do more on here but i’m so overwhelmed these days #also sry if i worried anyone the other day i’m just tired idk #i’m a little better today but i caught a cold also #i mean i still feel awful and scared but like. wtv it’s ash wednesday it’ll pass it’s wtv #dl

5 notes · View notes

deklo · 6 months

Text

ok. i finally think i’m starting to feel better :)

#less sore throat. less stuffy nose (still there tho)#my body feels much better #but doing too much does make me tired lmao #pls. pls god give me a negative test in two days 🙏#i need to take my garbage and recycling out but i’m so scared to run into my neighbor lol

9 notes · View notes

uneorange · 2 months

Text

🍊

#what is this looming dread I feel?#are things really this hopeless?#is this all there is? this is it? the rest of my life?#I love my job but I don’t want to go tomorrow #I fear I’ll never recover emotionally from this year #Im so tired I’m so frustrated I’m so scared of the future

5 notes · View notes