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mockerycrow · 11 months

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Undercover IV (Soap x GN!Reader)

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Summary: You have a rocky introduction with John Price and you continue your interview, despite a certain someone’s hesitant protests. You finally have your dreaded psych evaluation while your stress reaches it’s peak.

A/N: considering this is a reboot timeline + Makarov is only vaguely mentioned in mw2, i’m taking inspo from og mw and adding my own spices. and holy shit why was this so difficult to complete??? i also apologize for this taking so long, i live where the smoke from the canadian fires dragged across and my chest hurts. update: russian was corrected!

[WARNINGS: flashbacks, Price is a bit of an ass but trust me, vague descriptions of torture and murder, angst.]

“I learned from him that often contradiction is the clearest way to truth.” -Patti Smith.

“We need to get your head on straight.”

That’s what Price said, and I don’t know what about how he said it made me mad, but oh boy, did it fucking piss me off. “What?”

“We need to get your head on straight,” He repeats, crossing his arms in front of his chest. He’s wearing his tactical vest, dawning a U.K. badge. I eye his gear before making eye contact with him again and he continues. “We can’t afford to sit around, we need that intel. We have reasonable suspicion Makarov will move on with his plans quicker than we anticipated.” My nose scrunches up a little bit as he’s basically avoiding saying it without saying that he’s avoiding it. “You want me to continue with the interview.” I say it like a statement and not a question because all three of us know it’s not a question.

“Price, that isn’t a good idea,” Soap says, his voice considerably alarmed. He grinds his teeth together because he knows my reaction to just fucking closing my eyes while talking about it was extremely concerning. “I know it isn’t, but we don’t have a choice,” Price mutters before pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing. He looks at me with a pointed look, eyes flickering over my body in confliction.

I mimic his look because as much as I would love time to calm down, I know what he’s saying is true. If they truly have reasonable suspicion that Makarov is going to advance in his plans early, they need what I learned.

Fuck, man..

“Okay.” I move the pillow around on my lap. “Let’s do it?”

Soap’s head snaps towards me, eyebrows furrowed. “What? You’re agreein’ to it??” I look back at him with a frustrated look and I can feel myself wanting to explode. “What choice do I have? Not say anything and risk peoples lives, or have a little freak out and no one dies—except maybe for him?”

The room goes silent except for the beeping of the machines and Soap sighs, taking the recorder out of his front pocket. Price remains on his side of the bed but this time finds a chair, pulls it around and sits down. His hands stay on the armrests. I glance at Soap who presses a button and holds it a bit away from himself. “This is Sergeant John MacTavish, Callsign Soap, this is day two interviewing Sergeant [Name] [Last Name] of the Eclipse Task Force.” Soap hesitates to say the next part, his eyes tracing him face as he mutters. “Last subject was Makarov’s ‘entry tests’ and ‘loyalty tests’.”

I feel my stomach collapse in on itself, tightening into a painful knot. I know this was coming eventually, even if I didn’t want it to. “Yeah, uh..” I trail off, averting my eyes to stare at something, anything but the two men looking to me for answers. “After two months of living in Russia, I got into contact with Makarov. It was completely by accident too, I was just trying to collect information about him, seem like I was interested and then I was.. picked up.“ I pause for a moment before continuing. “I had to build up a reputation, something that made it look like I didn’t pop up in this city out of the blue, y’know?”

“Мы не используем здесь его имя.” We do not use his name here. “Секретность должна быть сохранена, не так ли?” Secrecy must be kept, right?

There’s a hood over my head and my heart is pounding inside of my chest—I could die, right here and right now and nobody would know. I could fail this entire mission right at this moment and that’s fucking terrifying. I twist my wrists ever so slightly, not in an attempt to get away, but I can’t help but check out tight the rope is. I’m surprised they didn’t use handcuffs. I blink rapidly as my eyes burn a bit, trying to properly adjust to the bright light above me.

I look around and I’m in a warehouse with two men—neither of them being the man I want, but one of them is Sergei Orlov, one of the men I had been tracking since I’ve gotten here.

The intel suggests he has close connects to Makarov, indicating that he may be in a right-hand man type of situation. That’s the position I’m trying to bury my way into. Sergei’s eyes are sharp and intimidating, the color being a deep, cerulean blue with dashes of green near his pupils.

There is absolutely no light in them, no positive emotion—I didn’t expect to see any, but it makes me wonder if Makarov’s eyes are the same? Will I be able to get close enough to see?

“Мы наблюдаем за тобой уже несколько недель. Ты пытаешься предать свою страну и начать войну. Почему?” We have been watching you for several weeks now. You are trying to betray your country and start a war. Why?

My fingers twitch as I offer a scoff, a snarl curling at my lips, like I’m snapping at another dog. Of course, I show no disrespect. I need this to be perfect. “Вы не представляете, что этот мир сделал со мной, люди, которые в нем живут, сделали со мной.” You have no idea what this world has done to me, the people who live in it have done to me.

Sergei has his hands behind his back as he slowly walks around me, circling me. I keep my eyes on him as much as possible, I’m radiating distrust—trying to keep up the character I’m playing.

“Это правда, я не знаю. Но я точно знаю, что такие, как ты, просто так не появляются.” It's true, I don't know. But I know for sure that people like you don't just appear. I feel my heart drop into my stomach because fuck, man—I thought everything was good?? My backstory, my profile, I didn’t think I had any holes—

“К счастью для тебя, у нас есть сложная викторина для людей, которые, казалось бы, появились из ниоткуда. Чтобы предотвратить явку шпионов, м?” Lucky for you, we have a challenging quiz for people who seemingly appeared out of nowhere. To prevent spies, yes?

I immediately nod in response, brows furrowed, eyes filled with determination. Sergei’s lips curl into a dreadful smile—one that screams “get away from me or else”.

“Хороший.” Good. He unties my bindings, allowing me to rub my wrists. I don’t have a good feeling at all. Sergei grabs my upper arm and has me stand up, and him and the other man lead me out of the warehouse, going to a truck. “Куда мы идем?” Where are we going?

He doesn’t bother to answer me besides motioning me to sit in the back of the car. I hesitate for a moment out of weariness, but I comply. I open the door to the truck and climb into the back and Sergei slides into the back with me. The other man climbs into the driver’s seat. “привод.” Drive.

I can feel myself begin to space out with every word and I can vaguely feel my fingers tightening into a fist. I pause my retelling of events as my train of thought breaks apart, the crawling feeling on my back intensifying. “Hey,” Price’s voice is low. “You with us?” It takes everything inside of my goddamn soul to nod, but God, I wish I wasn’t. I know we’re getting close to the part of my.. atrocities.

My heart jumps inside of my chest and my monitor beeps loudly for a moment. Don’t close your eyes. Don’t close your eyes. Don’t close your eyes. Don’t close your eyes—“Hey!”

My eyes snap to Price who has a furrowed brow, annoyance lacing his features. I notice my chest is moving up and down with every harsh breath coming out through my nose. “Focus.” I grit my teeth, my fingernails digging into the palm of my hand. “I’m trying.” I retaliate with a tight voice. I understand they need this information, but they have to understand how hard it is to recount literally every single life taken, innocent ones??

“Clearly you aren’t,” Price scoffs, his lip curling in anger. “You’ve barely started the bloody report, what’s the issue?”

I laugh humorlessly, my eyes going wide. “What—Did you actually just fucking say that?” Soap stands up, putting his hand out towards his captain. “Price, I—“

“Stay out of this, Soap. That’s an order.”

I can feel my bones ache under my harsh clenching of my hand, an angry smile coming to my lips. I feel this weird smoldering feeling in my gut that’s spreading heat across my body and into my limbs. I hear my heart monitor picking up speed. “You have absolutely no fucking idea what I’ve been through—what I’ve had to do!” I’m aware I’m raising my voice, but I honestly cannot bother to give a fuck by now.

Price crosses his arms, glaring down at me. His eyes are scrutinizing and it makes me want to punch the fuckin’ daylights out of him. “You’re right,” He begins. “I have not the foggiest idea because you’ve not said anything of actual value thus far!”

Oh, he wants me to fucking punch him. This man is so fucking asking for me to knock his teeth out. I open my mouth to speak but Price swiftly interrupts me. “What did you have to do, [Name]? Kill a few innocent people? Children, maybe? Did you have to torture them?”

I can feel that hot feeling turn to ice cold in a split second, a ripple of sweat dripping down my temple. “..What?”

Price waves his hand around as a general statement. “So what, you had to gut a few children? That’s nothing. Oh, did you have to keep them alive? Did they force ya to hear their screams, [Name]? Or did you have’to—“

It’s like I don’t have control of myself when I reach forward and snatch the front of Price’s shirt and pulling him near myself, my voice loud and booming, nearly cracking. “YES, IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR? DID YOU WANT TO HEAR THE SICK DETAILS OF WHAT I DID?” I take a deep breath, continuing. This fucking rage is flowing through my bones and I just cannot shut myself up—“DID YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT HOW I BROKE BONES, INFLICTED WOUNDS AND LEFT PEOPLE TO ROT?”

The room goes silent, aside from my harsh breathing and the beeping from my heart monitor. I lower my voice, but i don’t stop the absolute anger dripping from every word as I speak through clenched teeth. “Every dirty fuckin’ detail is a weight on my goddamn conscience and you don’t seem to understand that, Price.”

The room is eerily silent again and I fucking hate it. I look down at the pillow on my torso as I feel their beady little eyes peering into my soul, judging my every sin. I hear Soap turn the recorder off and I feel hot from embarrassment for a moment because I just realized.. he was recording all of that. Of fucking course.

Before anyone else can say anything, the door to my room opens. I pick my head up and see a woman in business casual clothing with a notebook, pen, and a clipboard. “Hi, my name is Doctor Elaine Stewart, I’ll be conducting this comprehensive psychological and psychiatric evaluation on you today.” Her voice is soft and light like how her hair looks—dark curls that seem to bounce right above her shoulders, her skin is a darker tan too. Her eyes are big, round, and soft. She’s British—I can’t place what region she grew up in, though.

They probably picked her because she would feel less like a threat towards me.

Dr. Stewart turns to the two men, glancing between them. “I’m going to have to ask you two to leave for patient doctor confidentiality purposes.”

Price goes to speak up, but she puts her hand up to stop him. “I’ll call if I need anything, but I’m sure we’ll be just fine.”

I hear Price sigh, but I refuse to look at him. Instead, I look to Soap, who’s peering down at me with concerned eyes. I still don’t get why he’s so concerned.. Or why he’s so quiet, because he really doesn’t seem to be a quiet person. Soap takes his notebook sketchbook thing, murmuring a “see you later” and takes his leave next to his Captain.

Once the door closes, Dr. Stewart smiles at me and walks over to my bed, heels clicking, and then takes a seat. “You know how this goes, yeah? You’ve been in the military for quite some time now.” I nod in response, taking a deep breath. My back is beginning to ache from not getting up or moving.

“Yeah, I know.” I say anyway. I put my hands on the bed and go to use my strength to sit myself up, but immediate tight and bursting pain bubbles where my stitches are. One of my hands fly to my stomach—which is covered by the pillow, followed by a loud curse. Dr. Stewart quickly sits up, alarmed. “Are you alright??”

I nod as I hiss in pain, clenching my jaw in an attempt to distract myself from the pain. “Didn’t realize it would’ve hurt so bad..”

Dr. Stewart nods, leaning over and click a button a few times which raises the back of the bed to a proper sitting up position. I feel my face heat up from embarrassment again. Fuck.

Dr. Stewart holds her clipboard and looks at me. “Have you experienced moments where you felt like you were not in your body?”

I take a moment to think about that. “Yes, but only when I was actively tortured or, er.. uh… did the torturing.” I look away from her and back at my lap, a weird feeling bubbling in my stomach. She takes a moment to write down my answer. “Have you ever felt out of control of yourself?”

I shake my head no—and then I pause. Have I? I shake my head no a second time after thinking.

“Within the last 6 months, have you heard disembodied voices or noises no one else around you could hear?”

“No.”

“Have you ever found yourself back in an event that already happened? Maybe you’re just sitting down and for a moment, you’re back in that warehouse?”

I look at her with a furrowed brow, and I immediately want to deny it, but I can’t. “I mean..” I trail off for a moment. “I don’t.. I don’t hallucinate that I’m back with Makarov’s group, if that’s what you mean.”

Dr. Stewart leans forward a bit, her perfectly painted nails tapping against the clipboard. “Then what do you mean, [Name]?” I swallow the spit in my mouth before speaking, yet it feels like my mouth has gone dry. “I don’t know, all I’m saying is that I don’t experience that.”

She looks at me—why is she staring??—and then she writes something down. “What have you done to them, [Name]?”

My heart skips a beat. “What?”

“I said, what have you experienced? I’m talking about anxiety, maybe dread, everything you’ve felt within the last day.”

Did I.. did I mishear her? She definitely said ‘what did you to them’, right?

“[Name]?”

I blink rapidly and look at her. “Sorry. What?”

Dr. Stewart bites her lower lip for a moment, watching me with worried eyes. “I think it’s best to conclude this evaluation for now. It looks like you’re having a hard time adjusting, so I will check back in with you in a few days.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” My voice is teetering on the edge of anger and I know I shouldn’t be mean, but I feel like my skeleton is trying to shed my skin from how jumpy I feel. “That means I don’t think you’re coherent enough for your interview, nor your evaluation; the one that’ll tell your superiors that you can return, anyway.” She picks her pen up and she begins to write something down—seemingly a longer paragraph. “So.. that means you have a temporary conclusion? Of my psyche?” I ask slowly, and I know that isn’t the right wording, but I’m not sure how else to do it.

Dr. Stewart stands up and begins to collect her things. She sighs and looks at me with.. sympathy?? Pity? I can’t tell. “You just went through something extremely traumatic, [Name]. You’re still in fight or flight. I can’t conduct a proper assessment like this.”

I hold my tongue from barking at her that I’m fine, from telling her to get the fuck out or me making some obscene threat.

I feel my heart sink in my chest because I feel like she’s vaguely suggesting something I cannot handle right now.

🏷️: @hardnutpost @glitterypirateduck @elowynnlane @boycigs @wolfyland07 @escapefromrealitysm @tapioca-marzipan

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moth-mimic · 4 months

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Mystical Powers?

at work I drank a cold brew coffee, diet coke, and sweet tea all at the same time and I had to release the caffeine somehow I’m so sorry

‣ pairing: Astarion x reader but from Gale’s POV

‣ words: 1697

‣ content: all jokes, Gale is purposefully mischaracterized, Gale is a ‘nice guy’ and owns smut fanfiction (implied), unrequited rivalry, Gale is basically Matthew Patel

───────────────────

‣ summary: Gale has done everything for you. Yes, he has ate your artifacts, but the reason you even offered them was because you were undoubtedly attracted to him. It was obvious from the way you talked to him last out of the entire group before going to sleep every night. He was just special like that. However, others— specifically a seductive white-haired elf— are not so keen to respect your guy’s destiny to be together. Gale sets out to prove luscious locks are never more important than a pure heart (without any ulterior motives at all).

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Gale rummaged through his collections of books, desperately searching for the one holy piece of information that could grant him a solution to this little problem of his. This problem was not one of scholarly importance, he was well aware, and it was not likely he would find his answer in his ancient texts. But these books were all he knew. What was he going to do, communicate like a normal human that had not been cooped up in his depression tower for years? Blasphemy.

He had taken much of his time alone as of late to contemplate on how he should proceed with the situation. He was not avoiding it, obviously not. He was merely worried for your safety. A fragile one like you was not meant to associate yourself with those like Astarion, an elf skilled in the craft of manipulation and deceitful seduction. Astarion had merely blinded you. Gale was your only hope for freedom. He definitely did not think this just because he wanted to feel needed. And definitely not because he was just sick of seeing the both of you make bedroom eyes across each nightly bonfire.

Lost in his thoughts, his attention suddenly snapped back as he noticed a book of interest. He picked it up gingerly as he read the title.

“Taken by the Vampire King… What a lovely piece of literature, if I do say so myself.” He muttered as he began to delicately pry the cover open. He suddenly stopped himself and slammed the book closed as he remembered the point of this search. “No, this will not assist me. Well…. if seduction is what draws Tav to the pale elf, then I suppose…”

“Now what in the hells are you doing making such a mess in here?”

The sudden voice nearly caused Gale to literally explode, his hands grasping at his chest to calm himself. He spasmed for a minute as his brain rebooted. “Uh, uh, I—“ And then, as if a switch was flipped on inside his brain, he irritably whipped around. “To all gods, Astarion, what are you doing giving me such a fright in the middle of the night? Do you know nothing of peace?”

“Pardon me, but I am an elf. I’m not in need of sleep like you poor little things.” He snorted, conceited as usual, prowling over towards Gale and taking a peek at the book before Gale can even throw it across his tent. “And I see you’re busying yourself with… important matters, hm?”

“It’s for educational— No, what do you want from me, Astarion?”

“Just a friend…” he pouted like a neglected child, collapsing onto Gale’s bedroll in defeat. Gale would feel a twinge of guilt if it was not his mortal enemy saying those words. And also if there wasn’t an obvious layer of sarcasm beneath.

“No, no, out with it.”

“Uh, fine. I was wondering if you had some type of strength potion. I feel like utter shit.” Astarion sighed as he threw his head back, blowing a strand of wandering hair out of his face. Gale studied him as he was distracted— it didn’t seem like he was lying. He looked like utter shit, his hands twitching and under eyes so dark as if he had never seen the sun in his 200+ years of life. (Gale would soon realize this observation was, in fact, accurate)

“Yeah, I see that. And I’m a wizard, not an alchemist, actually. A wizard merely studies their practice of magic through multiple sources of teachings while an alchemist…”

Gale continued on as Astarion sat there in silence. It was not a respectable type of silence, but rather one of ‘if this dude doesn’t shut up I think I might actually kill him.’ His hands began to clench into fists, his nails digging into his flesh as Gale’s nonsensical words pounded through his brain. The tadpole was not the only force controlling him tonight. His eyes flickered with hunger, yet Gale did not notice.

“Gale.”

“Alchemists deserve all the respect, of course, yet they are unaccustomed to my field of— Ah, yes?”

“How does your blood taste?”

The wizard stopped in his tracks. “I- I’m sorry?” He waited for a response for a moment. When he did not get one he continued. “Well, if you must know, my blood actually tastes of bile. You see, it serves as a natural precaution against…” He thought for a moment. “Certain entities.”

Astarion had nothing more to say than a simple, “Hm.” The two looked at eachother for a brief second, awkwardly, one weighing his options and the other debating if it was fitting to run away. Fortunately for Gale, within another second the pale elf was gone from his tent, leaving the wizard with a cloud of confusion. And maybe just a bit of fear. He stood there a moment before his eyes slowly trailed to the book now on the other side of the tent. He remembered the bloodless boar on the side of the road. He pictured Astarion’s scarlet gaze, burning with desire for something unfathomable. Suddenly he knew the answer to his problem.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Gale had been watching the two of you ever since that unsettling night. He had witnessed some unsavory moments, yes, but everyone has to make their sacrifices. And his sacrifices were undoubtedly worth it— every night he stayed awake long enough to watch the elf make his way into the forest to sustain himself on blood from some unknown source. This night in particular was one that would change everything. This night was the night he would reveal Astarion’s true nature to you.

After witnessing Astarion make his way into the forest for his nightly ritual, Gale hurriedly makes his way into your tent.

“Y/N? Y/N! Wake up now, this is dire!”

“Huh—“ You, wide awake, turn around to Gale’s face a few mere inches from yours. “Gale! Why the hells are you in my tent?” You hiss, backing up to escape his pleading puppy eyes.

“No time for questions, we must go into the forest! There, a truth will be uncovered, and you will be free from the vampire’s wicked hold!”

You’re about to ask Gale to speak like a normal person, yet he quickly grabs your hand and drags you outside before you can protest. “Gale, this isn’t really—“

“I assure you it is!”

Without another word he leads you both onto Astarion’s trail. The only problem is that Gale does not seem to know exactly where the pale elf has wandered off to, as he has never before made the courageous decision to follow him into the unknown abyss of the woods. You watch him anxiously look around and mutter to himself. You sigh knowingly, turning away from him and walking on a path you’ve traced many times before.

“Wait, wait! It is incredibly dangerous and you do not know where your judgements may lead you!”

“I promise you I do.” You pointedly say, leading him deeper into the forest so familiar to both you and Astarion. You stop as you reach an area uncovered by the canopy of leaves.

“Why-“ Gale begins before catching sight of the perpetrator. There he is, standing there in the moonlit clearing, shirtless. Gale would probably take more notice to the current scenario if he did not already have a speech planned.

“You- You creature! I knew there was something foul deep within you from the moment we met! I recognized your intent all along— to simply deceit every innocent being you came upon, to lead them under your malicious influence. But here I stand, shattering your mask and revealing your true being: a vampire! Cower under my fireball—“ Gale stops for a minute, trying to remember what to do next, before quickly summoning a fireball in his hands like he originally intended. “And consider our fight… BEGUN!”

The crickets chirp as he finishes his lengthy speech. Astarion is the first to speak.

“…Is that all?”

“Yes. W-was it not obvious?”

With Gale’s answer, you and Astarion immediately break into a fit of laughter. Gale stands there, confused, quickly glancing between the two of you and wondering what the joke was.

“And what are you gonna prove my ‘true being’ with, oh wise wizard?” Astarion smirks, still collecting himself.

“With—! With…” Gale pauses, looks around in a panic, and realizes a key factor of his plan is missing. There is not a bloodless life to be seen. “What in the realms— Why are you here, then, Astarion? What do you sustain yourself with? Answer me!”

Astarion merely purses his lips, rhythmically tapping his fingers to the side of his face. He gives Gale a pitiful pout. “Oh dear… This is a bit awkward, isn’t it?”

And suddenly Gale realizes. He turns to you immediately, the fireball now accidentally pointed at you. “You knew?!”

You raise your hands in protest, eyeing the fireball in his hands. “I-I mean, yeah. Like, everybody knew. Except you, of course.”

“What?”

“They are right,” Astarion adds, “Nobody told you because you are a little… well… extreme.” A pause. “And desperate.”

“I’m— I’m not—!” Gale’s fireball just burns brighter, and you begin to think it’s enough to send the entire forest into flames. However, you’re more worried about the possibility of him literally exploding and obliterating everything in his proximity. You glance towards Astarion, whose eyebrows are furrowed at the same thought. The resentment in Gale’s eyes grows brighter with the flame. Yet, suddenly, the fire disappears. The wizard looks as if he’s about to collapse into despair at any moment. “I don’t understand! You make no sense!”

He turns towards you and points an accusing finger. Astarion just shrugs as you glance towards him. “Even when I am right in front of you, laying down my life, you do not care! I am a respectable wizard, name known to beings far and wide! What does he offer, huh?”

You silently raise your eyebrow. Gale just scowls.

“Ugh. Typical.” And with that he whips around, his sleep robe lashing behind him. As he storms off he adds, “Don’t even add me to your party tomorrow. Or ever.”

You weren’t planning on it.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

So a few days ago I posted something about making a ‘nice guy’ Gale fanfic but not posting it out of shame and I ended up getting like 30+ likes so I thought it was only fair to actually post. Anyway please don’t hold me accountable for this k thanks love u guys I’ll probably have LOTR content soon

#gale x reader #gale x tav #astarion #astarion x tav #astarion x reader #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 x reader #gale of waterdeep #Spotify #bg3 shitpost #gale dekarios

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ironwoodprotectionsquad · 2 months

Note

Did you see where Rooster Teeth was shutting down?

No I did not holy shit. I thought this was a joke but uh it’s happening https://variety.com/2024/digital/news/rooster-teeth-shutting-down-warner-bros-discovery-1235931953/amp/

I am a combination of like surprised but not surprised? I knew this was probably coming but also I didn’t expect it so soon you know? I thought they would try and finish RW/BY but apparently not. The article discusses trying to sell RW/BY and given the fans I’m curious as to how successful that venture will be. I know the fans think only Cr/wby can write this show and no one else can so I wonder if anyone will be willing to touch this. I hope a decent company gets it and reboots it, as I’ve said the show has some good stuff but terrible writers handling it and I think better writers could do a lot with this show.

All in all I feel bad a lot of people are losing their jobs but I don’t feel bad the company is gone given how badly they treated people.

#rwde

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sapphire-weapon · 1 year

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Things I didn’t notice until my 10th playthrough of the game:

Leon: You know, after the incident, the world changed. You try to save one person, a hundred others die. I guess I changed, too.

*Some hours later*...

Wesker: All you need to know is a new dawn is breaking. A hundred will give their lives so that just one may live. I am expediting that change.

I don’t know how I overlooked this for so fucking long, but now that I’ve noticed it -- holy shit does it seem very deliberate. Like, in the “this is setting up for something” kind of way.

Wesker is basically saying that he intends to bring the whole world into the reality that Leon’s already been living. And Leon’s saying that he’s changed and grown enough to be able to rise to the occasion.

And I really wish I had something more meta to say about it, but I don’t because Leon and Wesker never interact in canon. And in Remake, it seems like Leon has been kept almost completely in the dark about Wesker’s continued bullshit in the bioterrorism world all together.

You know, I always thought it was weird how, in OG, Leon straight-up calls Ada out for working with Wesker, but then... nothing comes of it. Ever. Chris just goes and blows up Wesker with a rocket launcher in the middle of a volcano, Leon gets trapped in Groundhog Day and develops a drinking problem, and that’s that. So it made sense to me that Remake changed it so that Leon has no idea who Ada’s working with this time around. The W-word is never said.

But then I look at this very obvious, very deliberate-seeming parallel, and it makes me tilt my head to the side and go “huh.”

And then I think about how Ada’s character motivation has changed between OG and RE4make and how she doesn’t go into Remake already planning on double-crossing Wesker -- but rather that it’s a shocking (even to herself) decision she makes at the very last second, so we actually have no idea what she’s going to do with the Amber this time around -- and I tilt my head to the opposite side and go “huh” even louder.

And then I think about how the top leaker in the RE world who leaked RE4make in the first place says that no, actually, a RE5make or CV Remake haven’t been greenlit, that’s not a thing (yet), we’ll see other RE titles long before we hear anything about another remake, and I start to feel like I’m going absolutely insane so I reach up to try to pull my tinfoil hat off and I can’t tell if I keep missing or if there’s actually not one on my head at all.

And I gotta wonder.

Is Capcom going to build off of the remake series? Is it secretly a reboot series? And will we finally get a game involving Leon and Wesker that takes place at some point between RE4 and RE5?

Is Capcom just going to straight-up change what RE5 actually was because they can’t salvage the horrible, horrible racism present in that game?

As someone who’s been analyzing game stories and literature for over 20 years, I just can’t look at that dialogue parallel and say that that’s not foreshadowing -- that it’s there for fun and no other reason.

It’s just

Huh.

#resident evil #resident evil 4 #leon kennedy #albert wesker #ada wong #meta analysis #i guess?#HELP ME OUT HERE GUYS I FEEL INSANE

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spopsalt · 24 days

Note

Holy shit! I JUST realized something about Spop and Kyle! Idk HOW I missed it before. But I only just realized it, and now I’m gonna make it everyone else’s problem.

So we all know Kyle is the designated butt-monkey of the show. He’s a relatively good guy despite being with the Horde. And he’s mistreated and abused by characters in the Horde. The characters who mistreated him aren’t characters like Shadow Weaver or Hordak, who have SIGNIFICANT power over him. No, it’s his peers. And Scorpia (acts more like a peer despite having a higher rank) and Catra (always mistreated him, no matter if she’s a higher rank or equal). Despite being told they’re good people deep down or later in the series, Lonnie, Rogelio, Scorpia, Catra, and Adora all do this. Even the NICE characters do this, like Scorpia and Adora. And his BOYFRIEND never stands up for him. It’s appalling. Seeing a GOOD person get mistreated by SUPPOSEDLY OTHER GOOD people isn’t funny.

But here’s what IS funny. In a cosmic sort of way…

This is Mantenna

He was the original butt monkey if She-Ra. And by that, I mean he gets shit on. A lot. By Hordak. And it’s actually funny.

You see, nothing brings OG Hordak joy like trapdoors and using them on Mantenna. The way it works is that whenever Hordak is pissed or unamused (he once made Mantenna try to make him laugh for example), he presses a button of his throne and Mantenna drops through the floor. And occasionally there are twists added to keep things fresh.

Spring trap door

Backup trap door

Multi trap door

You get the idea. It was mostly for slapstick. It was never meant to be taken seriously. Unlike with Kyle.

For me, the major things that set Mantenna apart from Kyle are these.

1. Mantenna is evil. He’s a pipsqueak and dogged on. But he’s still evil. Kyle is a nice and kind person and by all means shouldn’t be with the Horde.

2. Mantenna is tormented and talked down to by Hordak and Catra, his superiors. Kyle is torments by superiors AND peers

3. Kyle is mistreated by ‘good’ people. Lonnie and Catra are two of the worst offenders, but they’re good people, I swear, they’re just in a bad situation. 😒 Seriously. Those two are painted as good people deep down and still hurt Kyle. Scorpia and Adora did it too, despite being nice and good as visibly as possible, even in the Horde. And again, Rogelio is supposedly Kyle’s boyfriend, and never helps.

Mantenna on the other hand is mistreated by people like Catra and Hordak, who are unabashedly BAD people. They’re never painted as gods deep down. They do bad things like abuse and berate Mantenna, because they’re bad people. And because most of the people in the Horde ARE BAD AND EVIL(there are some good people that leave, but they pretty much lave the Horde as soon as possible without sticking around, and everyone stuck around in the reboot for no reason), they genuinely do not care.

This guy? Just saw this whole thing play out. He don’t give a shit.

4. It’s slapstick. Slapstick humor isn’t meant to be taken seriously. Mantenna is a bit of an awkward, nervous guy. But he never read as the same level of traumatized as Kyle to me. Maybe I’m misreading it though. But the point is that a trapdoor is a completely different joke than being deprived of rations for a cake that goes to waste.

And 5. Mantenna actually gets wins. I can’t post many pics now. But there have been times where Hordak actually doesn’t get the drop on Mantenna. Once he tries the trap door to find it filled with flowers because of Perfuma. Once Hordak used a trap door on a boat, sinking himself in the process. And once Mantenna turned the tables completely.

Kyle though? He got a sort-of win in one episode? Even then it was only after he almost killed himself moving the tank.

My point here is, rather than have an established character, used for a much funnier and lighthearted gag, with a genuinely fun design, Nate and his crew decided to use Kyle. A regular, not very strong, not very skilled, not very masculine boy. He’s gay. He’s possibly neurodivergent. And he’s got the biggest heart. And Crew-Ra decided because he commuted the ultimate crime of being a cisgender white male, he must suffer constant abuse. If that isn’t proof of what the reboot REALLY is about, I don’t know what is. It’s not about friendship. It’s not about being gay. It’s not about breaking the cycle of abuse. It’s about using this show to send very negative messages to children. To hurt people for no good reason. And with the casual and brazen contempt for the original that Nate and some of Crew-Ra displays, I’m honestly surprised they named him Kyle, and not Lou, or Micheal, or Larry.

Sorry for the long message. I just felt like this was a major discovery on my part.

Exactly! The original did it in a way that's actually funny and doesn't leave you feeling bad. I seriously do not see the humor in seeing a relatively nice guy (despite being in the horde but even then he free Bow that one time) so it's just not funny when you see him getting made fun of for the millionith time. Another series that does butt monkeys well is Ouran High School Host Club, since it's actually funny. Tamaki gets actual development, even the people who make fun of him are shown multiple times to really care, and he actually gets wins

#spop salt #anti spop #spop discourse #spop critical #spop criticism #anti catra #spop crit

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youmakemyhearthowl · 1 year

Text

Punk Princess

Eddie really was just trying to get through the day unnoticed by Tommy and his goons. He’d been prepared to spend his second senior year with his head down and his eyes on the graduation prize. So when he heard whispers through the halls about some ‘freak’ he felt dread coil in his stomach. He hasn’t even done anything yet, it was the first day of classes for shit sake and he’d been late getting in.

So when he was scurrying around the halls trying to find a pen in his backpack, glancing up at Tommy’s voice and spotting a literal punk god with Robin Buckley hanging off his arm he was a little surprised. But when his eyes tracked over the body of the other boy, he’s pretty sure his brain completely just turned off when he caught a glimpse of the face attached to the body.

Steve fucking Harrington in all his glory was wearing a cropped mesh top, and what looked to be a black battle vest. But that wasn’t the end of what the fuck was happening because his hair was shaved on the sides and his face, Jesus Christ his face, was painted with a black charcoal around his pretty brown eyes, and fuck was that a piercing in his lip? In his eyebrow??

Hold the fuck on is that a hanky in his back pocket?

Eddie’s pretty sure he made some kind of noise as he stumbled and spilled the contents of his backpack over the hall floors, scrambling to pick it all up while his eyes were still locked firmly on Steve.

He’s pretty sure Tommy had said something towards him at that point but his brain hadn’t even fully booted back up when he watched a determined look coat Steve’s face as he drew the other guys attention back to himself. Eddie couldn’t stop the noise he made at that pretty sure his entire face was tomato red now as Steve shot him a soft smile.

“They’re called shit kickers.” Steve offers, catching Tommy’s gaze. “Wanna find out why?”

And for fucks sake, no one, no one should look that attractive stating they were going to basically kick someone's face in, but Eddies pretty sure he just completely blue screened because the next time he was even aware he had a body, Gareth was pulling him away from the scene where a teacher had at some point stepped in.

Eddie noted with disappointment that it looked like Steve hadn’t gotten to give Tommy a demonstration after all.

“Eddie..” The tone Gareth took was a long cultivated one, used specifically when Steve Harrington was involved, and Eddie cringed before smoothing out his expression, he was prepared to go on a long winded rant about how jocks were apparently stealing the looks outcasts had spent years creating and getting ridiculed for.

He knows that's what he was going to say.

“Holy shit Gareth I want to get down on my knees and worship that man.” Is what ends up coming out, and Gareth’s face does a weird mix of disgusted and unsurprised, his brows twisting together.

“Christ Eddie.”

“Did you see him Gareth? I’m pretty sure my brain had to do a full reboot.” Just as they were rounding the corner to their shared first period class, Eddie's feet stopped working and he stumbled roughly into a very firm back. The head attached to said back turned around slightly with a startled expression that turned into a smirk and honestly Eddie shouldn’t be surprised his brain goes offline again, because holy fuck.

“You sure do trip a lot, Munson.” Steve's voice comes out with a well practiced boredness to it that should be insulting, if it wasn’t for the playful twinkle in his eyes as he turns around and faces Eddie, who’s being manhandled to standing back up straight by Gareth. Eddie can feel the snarky, playful reply on the tip of his tongue, his whole body alight with the fact that finally, finally for the first time Steve is talking to him. Eddie is only slightly ashamed to admit that he’d spent a few sleepless nights imagining what he would say if he ever got to talk to Steve. So subtle flirting is what he’s prepared and ready to throw out at him.

“Only if I can lick those boots.” Is what comes out instead. Eddie is pretty sure he feels his face explode, because what the hell?? Fucking get on the same page he shoots the thought to his brain and mouth filter as he pulls a chunk of hair up to cover his face. Steve looks startled for a second, before a slow devilish smile spreads across his face.

“I’m more into being the one that does the boot licking, but I’ll keep that in mind, babe.”

Eddies pretty sure he goes into cardiac arrest right there in the hallway.

#Punk!Steve #Punk Steve #Steve Harrington #Eddie Munson #Steddie #Steddie fic #Gareth is a good friend if not a little done with Eddies shit #God this is so fun to write #Punk Princess fic

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sword-dad-fukuzawa · 4 months

Text

here’s to a year of trigun :] just a cute little (1k. oops.) essay reflecting back on how it’s changed my life.

(twitter crosspost LOL)

You know that strange, dissatisfying limbo between hyperfixations? That was me in January. A 2-year long obsession with Genshin Impact was dragging itself to its grave and I was struggling with life. I got diagnosed with a rare chronic pain disorder at around the same time I caught mono and strep simultaneously (that week SUCKED), classes were kicking my ass, and I was experiencing the existential loneliness of adulthood for the first time.

University student things!

And to make it all extra unbearable, my writing was empty. Soulless. I’d write something for a zine and go damn—this shit is awful. Not because it was technically flawed or anything, but there was just…nothing there. I would stare at my stats page on Ao3 waiting for comments and then bitterly complain at my friends when no one wanted to read my work. Hell, I don’t think I wanted to read my work. I’m sure you know the feeling.

And because my writing is how I cope with Everything, being unable to write made the Everything so, so much worse.

Then—and I forget exactly how I heard about it—I learned that Trigun Stampede had just released its fourth episode. I knew of Trigun from a buddy of mine who had been excitement-posting about the reboot months before, but all I knew about the reboot was that Yoshitsugu Matsuoka was voicing the main character. I had a free afternoon—why not give it a try?

I still have my liveblogging from January. Here was my initial reaction:

I was having a great fuckin’ time.

February rolls around and I am immediately, irreversibly, hit with Plantcest brainrot so bad that I discard any pretense of being icked out by brocest ship and I write a 9k long KV thesis called “we’ve got to get back to that stinking garden,” named after a Natalie Diaz poem called “my brother named gethsemane,” which is, truly and genuinely, The Poem on Brothers (Complicated) of all time. That fic is where the visions and prophesies came back, where I started feeling like my writing was impactful again. Like it meant something. It was my first ever foray into in-narrative smut and the first of many, many attempts to capture a future where Vash and Knives love each other even after the end of everything.

This is really where I found my footing on Twitter and as a short story writer, I think. Where I started really caring about making every word of a narrative pay rent, about conveying and evoking specific, tangible feelings, and exploring genres of media I’d never really been interested in before. Before February, I wrote mostly genfic and T-rated romance. Every so often, I’d dabble in some graphic violence.

And hey! Now I write hardcore kink and graphic erotica. The gore I used to dabble in is now something I dive into feetfirst and with a rabid desire to make it as sexy as possible. I fetishize the crease of an elbow and the bristly sections of an undercut and I write about brothers having nasty, angry, dubiously consensual sex. I could not possibly tell you how I got here, but shit, man, I don’t regret a damn thing.

It’s through Trigun that I met some of the most talented, sweetest, most encouraging folk. Plantcest creators, Vashwood creators, people who saw me writing ZazieVash and went hello motherfucker please feed me some more, Romeryl enthusiasts, Kniveswood and Plantwood enjoyers…shit, guys. You’re all so fucking cool.

I got invited to a zine for the first time, I started taking commissions (and holy shit, what the fuck, I still can’t wrap my head around that at all. The fuck you mean, you’ll pay me Real Actual Money for personalized fic? Insane to me. I’m so goddamn grateful.) for the first time, and hell, I published a poetry collection for the first time. Which people downloaded? And tipped me for? What the fuck? I’m still reeling from that. Thank you, by the way. Genuinely.

What else this year…well. I commissioned art for the first time, I participated in more big bangs and exchanges than ever, I read voraciously and wrote with just as much fervor. I watched ‘98 and I cried and I read half of TriMax and cried some more. I wrote more erotica than I ever have, and I wrote more fic that I’m genuinely, painfully proud of this year than any other year.

A lot of my writing is about grief and rage, and a lot of it is about trying to be funny in the face of that. A lot of is about learning to live, because that’s what I’m doing right now, despite everything. A lot of it is about trying to be kind.

But in summary, because this is getting ridiculously long, here’s what I got out of Trigun:

Vash the Stampede refuses to die. I’m trying to emulate that.

Meryl Stryfe cares about doing the right thing, even if it means she’ll get in the middle of a fight between aliens armed with two bullets in a tiny pistol.

Wolfwood is carefully, disastrously kind. I want to be like that.

And Knives is nuttier than a Victorian lady in a room painted in arsenic green, but still. I love him anyway.

And Milly :] no thoughts about Milly. I love Milly because she is also incredibly kind :]

Trigun has changed my entire goddamn life this year. I think it’s made me a better person. It’s certainly made me a better writer, and it’s connected me to so many lovely and beautiful people. Thank you all for sticking around, and here’s to another year of love, peace, and unhinged porn. I love you all :]

#trigun

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whoredmode · 1 month

Note

for the ask game 002 for troy

Send me one of three prompts

let’s smoke cigarettes. together.

How I feel about this character:

i love him. when i first got into sr1 i definitely enjoyed him just fine, but over time just thinking about his role and development and his general character it really turned into a very deep love for him. he’s such an interesting character to me and he plays an important role in my canon for a reason. one of the characters i’ve enjoyed developing and using for stuff the most bc he has a unique position in the context of the story that has a lot of potential places to go, and since the actual games just kinda. ignored him. it’s fun to give him an actual role and arc.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

troyteros is the most obvious. i didn’t even intend for it to happen, but it did and now their relationship and history is super important to both his and anteros’ respective developments. i think this just goes for troy/boss in general. i think it’s a fascinating relationship even just on a surface level. as far as others, none immediately come to mind? troy’s a loner.

i’ve seen troy/johnny before and i’ll say i’m mildly intrigued by the idea but that would have to be a dynamic that would take like. decades.

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

does dex and troy count? bc i could talk about their dynamic for HOURS. i love bitches who hate each other and go through hell together and still come out the other side hating. i love it so much. i love how painfully connected they are, how their dynamic is based on the cyclical nature of the relationships in sr1. it’s like they’re both aware they’re trapped in a time loop w a person they can’t stand. it’s so compelling to me. way more than it ever could be romantically, imo.

also! from my own canon. shaundi and troy. they have a minor subplot that starts in saints in hell/GooH side story where shaundi is helping troy become sober. this goes into sriv where she’s still helping him w it. i think they’d end up having a really interesting friendship all things considered. it’s a dynamic i think about A LOT!!

My unpopular opinion about this character:

he’s an important member of the cast?? maybe more targeted towards the how the games ended up treating characters like him and dex. i guess that kinda plays into the next prompt.

ig as an actual answer to the question. i think he was more than happy to quit his job in srtt. excited even. i don’t think he ever had any friends in the SPD, and i genuinely think a lot of ppl actively disliked him. it’s why it was so easy for ultor to convince several cops to be on their payroll and work against him.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

i wish he got an actual conclusion. like he doesn’t have to appear in every game, but holy shit i hate how sr2 handles him. he should’ve had an actual confrontation w the boss, not just relegated to homie you get after completing an activity. where is their reunion? where is their conversation? there’s a million things left we deserve to see w him and the saints and we get none of it.

also a bit of a nitpick but. like i have him do in my canon, i think in sr2 if you call him for help he should be disguised or in normal clothes. like be serious. no way in hell he or the boss should be fine w him all dressed up like that while they go commit crimes

My OTP:

for him? troyteros. like hands down. no contest. there’s a reason they seem to get together in like all my AUs.

My crossover ship:

not really a crossover person….does santo ileso blues count as a crossover bc it features the reboot….can i count it in this case so i have an answer and say him and jimrob have a vague friendship. like the one friend he’s made in santo ileso after 10 years.

A headcanon fact:

like all my family lore for him. he’s the youngest of his family. has an older brother and sister. anteros saw a picture of his brother once and was like oh i could’ve had this bradshaw……..

#could’ve had the big muscular bradshaw who owns a construction company instead he got the depressed one that smells like cigarettes…..#asks #anon #thank you!

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scenecipriano · 3 months

Text

Time Stands Still (2)

Chapter One: Stayed Gone

TW: None that I can think of other than swearing

----------

Vox stares at his screen in disbelief, the no signal sign with Alastor’s face mocks him, it’s taunting him. How, just how did that asshole live from a holy bullet to the fucking heart? He digs his claws into his chair, taking a shaky breath as he does, this could be in his favor. Maybe Alastor can be talked to, be civil…

“Oh, who the fuck am I kidding? He’s fucking pissed and I’m the only one who knows why he’s pissed,” Vox mumbles as he drags his hands down his screen.

He tenses when a knock comes from his door.

“Voxxie, I get that you’re pissed the radio bitch is back but could you not plunge the city into total darkness? I have a film I have to produce soon and power is kind of needed for that.”

It was Val, he felt himself relax knowing that it was only him. Not like Alastor would dare step into the V tower, even he wasn’t that stupid.

“I-It’ll be back up in a second, I just overheated,” he replies.

‘I’m going to make you wish I’d stayed gone.’

Vox grits his teeth, he has to get the upper hand on Alastor. The bastard already had a one up on him, by teaming up with the princess of fucking Hell. How would he even top that? He couldn’t go to Lucifer himself, he doubts the man would turn on the Radio Demon, not when it means he’d be turning against his own daughter.

“If only that bitch had never come here this shit wouldn’t be happening,” Vox hisses.

He pauses, his screen lighting up with a lightbulb as an idea occurs to him. If Alastor had never come to hell then he wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore. He stands from his chair and strides over to the door, throwing them open he hears Valentino hiss out a curse as he barely dodges out of the way.

“What the fuck!?”

“Sorry–I just had an idea to rid us of that fucking prick once and for all, do you know how to get ahold of Zestiel?” Vox asks as he continues his stride down the hallway.

The sound of Val’s heels clicking behind him is the only answer he gets, Vox growls and glances back.

“VaL-.” He hisses.

“I don’t fucking know, Carmilla would be the best to ask about the old freak. Why do you even want to meet with him in the first place? I gave you a way to get rid of the radio bitch, why do you need to see them?”

Vox swings around, a part of him hates the way Valentino flinches away from the sudden movement, but he can’t afford to worry about that right now.

“I used what you gave me seven fucking years ago! He’s back and fucking pissed that I nearly killed him! Why the fuck do you think he’s been gone for seven years!?”

Valentino blinks in surprise, “Then how–.”

“I don’t fucking know!” Vox explodes, “I don’t f-fucking know. I thought for sure the shot to the damn heart would end him! I don’t know if the fucker made some type of deal, but if he did I need to get the upper hand. You saw what happened, even after seven years the motherfucker still has some form of damn clout over these idiot sinners.”

He can’t let Alastor gain the upper hand he just can’t, damn it this was the new status quo, this was going to be the V’s era in Hell! There wasn’t going to be a goddamn reboot where the Radio Demon rules the airwaves and streets!

“Voxxie, just breathe. Before you go doing something stupid and possibly reckless, let's try to handle the bitch ourselves.”

Vox frowns, “How do you propose we handle it then? Hm? Use your little whore as a spy? I know Alastor better than anyone and he won’t let someone like Angel get near him.”

A grumble leaves the TV demon’s mouth when the overgrown moth slings his arm around his neck.

“I was thinking of someone with a bit more sssstyle~.”

Vox blinks and looks up at Val, the pimps gold tooth twinkling in the light of his screen. He mimics the pimps smirk as he lets out a laugh.

“Ya know what? I think you’re right.”

“Sssir Pentious reporting for duty!”

Vox struggles to hold back his laughter, the snake demon was a pain in the V’s ass, but maybe he can be useful just this once.

“At ease Sir Loser,” Velvette starts, “We just need you to snoop a little on Voxxie’s old pal, Alastor.”

At the mention of the Radio Demon, Sir Pentious loses his confident edge. His hood deflates as he avoids eye-contact with the V’s.

“I don’t know if that will be a good idea.”

“And why is that, hm? Don’t you want to impress us? Finally be acknowledged by us,” Valentino says as he blows a puff of smoke in the snake's face.

Pentious coughs and waves the smoke away, hissing slightly as he glares at the three overlords.

“Of course! I just recently had a mishap with Alastor.”

He shows them the little piece of fabric he managed to snag from the tails of his suit jacket. This time Vox can’t help but laugh at the snake demon, does he really think that just because he tore Alastor’s suit that that means anything?

“O-Oh boy, and here I thought you actually got a real piece of him! Wow, you must be really proud of this little trophy of yours,” Vox teases as he plucks the piece of fabric from Pentious’s hand.

“I-I am!” Sir Pentious exclaims as he takes the fabric back, “He made a fool of me lasst week! So getting even just the little snag of him shows that I have ssome potential!”

“Oh! It definitely does snake babe, but if you really want to show us your potential you’ll infiltrate that pathetic hotel and find out just what the deer is up to,” Valentino purrs as he takes a drag from his cigarette.

Sir Pentious bites his lip, he’s finally getting recognized by the three overlords, something he’s craved for years, but after his second encounter with Alastor he isn’t sure he wants to cross the radio again so soon.

“You’re overthinking it, Pen! Look, it’ll be easy! You just get in there, the princess if naive enough to believe your quest for redemption and none of those morons will go against her,” Vox explains as he straps a video watch to the snakes wrist and placing a camera in his other hand, “You just need to take this camera in there and set it up where no one will find it. You accomplish that and maybe just maybe I’ll advertise your inventions on the next Vox Tech announcement!”

Pen looks down at the watch and back up at the TV overlord.

“Really?”

“R-Really! Think about it, with your inventions on my screens nobody would ever try to step up to you again!”

Vox watches patiently as the snake mulls the idea over in his head, he can already tell he’s won with the “promise” of promoting the idiot's inventions on Vox Tech.

“Okay, I’ll do it. I swear on the life of my egg boys that I shall not fail you three!”

“That’s the spirit!” Velvette exclaims, “Now, get outta here and get us into that hotel!”

The three V’s watch as Sir Pentious slithers his way out of the tower, they wait for the door to fully shut before bursting out in laughter.

“Do you really think he’s going to achieve this, Vox?”

“My dear, if he manages it then I just might actually advertise his shitty inventions on Vox Tech just to show him a form of gratitude.”

An hour passed and Vox honestly has hope that the idiot snake will actually pull this gig off. He takes a sip from his mug relishing in the taste of his coffee before the sound of Pentious’ voice causes him to do a noteworthy spit take.

“Ah abort!! Abort S.O.S!! Agent Pentious in need of an immediate evacuation!!”

Vox could feel himself trying to short circuit, of course this idiot couldn’t do one simple job.

“Pentious? Wait you were, caught?” Vox lets out an incredulous laugh, “It hasn’t even been a day!”

“Please!” Sir Pentious pleads, “you’ve got to get me out of here!”

Is he really that stupid?

“I can’t believe we thought you could handle even something this simple! Hey, do us a favor,” Vox gets closer to the screen, “If they don’t kill you, go ahead and do it yourself, you miserable FAILURE!”

He ends the transmission, slinging his mug into the wall as he does with a frustrated scream. How could he have been so stupid to think that an imbecile would even be able to do one simple job!

The sound of static fills the room as the screen comes back to life. Vox swings around to face it, his teeth bared.

“What!?”

“You’ll have to try harder than that next time, old pal.”

Vox screams his frustration as Alastor’s laughter echoes around him. He digs his claws into the metal of his control panel, the feeling of a power outage nags at the back of his head but he doesn’t care right now.

“There has to be another way,” Vox growls as he drags his claws down.

There has to be another way and he was going to find it even if it kills him.

------------

TAGLIST: @justakidicarus

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel velvette #hazbin hotel valentino #hazbin hotel sir pentious #swearing #fill free to ask about the fic :D!#if you'd like to be tagged let me #know!

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invisible-storyteller · 2 years

Text

Derek is athletic, right? He loves to run and exercise and he played for the high school's basketball team. But to keep fit and fight while doing backflips and such tricks he has to stretch, too, at least as a warm-up. (Knowing Derek, he probably goes full out, though.)

So imagine the first time Stiles discovers that Derek Hale is actually flexible. I think it could go two ways:

It's either while Derek is drunk off wolfsbane-laced booze and accidentally blurts out that Laura used to make him practice with her for the cheerleader squad, so now obviously the pack pressures him into showing them the choreo and Derek absolutely nails it (even if he's a bit wobbly) and out of nowhere just ends the whole dance with him going into a full split. Or it's during your run-of-the-mill fight when he needs to dodge arrows by doing acrobatic shit you'd see in movies while the protagonist moves in slow motion. Stiles definitely stares. Jaw dropped and everything.

The other option is that maybe Stiles doesn't see it but he hears accounts of it. Like, Erica one day spends the whole lunch break complaining about how hard the werewolf training is when Derek makes doing a backbend kickover look so easy. Or Scott mentions how big of a show off Derek is by aerial cartwheeling his way over a brook in the woods while on their morning run. And it completely baffles Stiles because Derek looks more like a brick wall to him, but okay.

Curiosity eventually wins over, though, and Stiles sets out on a mission to get Derek to somehow use his supposed "flexibility of a pornstar" around him but no matter how hard he tries, Stiles never seems to succeed in being an actual witness to it, not even a sneak peek.

This goes on until one day, Derek creeps up behind him and whispers into his ear in an unusually low voice: "You could have just asked me to show you."

And Stiles nearly gets a heart attack right then and there but he should have really gotten used to Derek's surprise visits by now.

"What?" Stiles asks dumbly because Derek hasn't shaved in a while and he's tempted to reach out and feel the scratchiness of the man's facial hair, okay? It's a normal desire to have.

"You don't believe I'm flexible," Derek explains as if Stiles had any problems deciphering his own thoughts, which he didn't, thank you very much, but how did Derek know about it anyway?

Stiles doesn't have time to freak out about Derek's possible mind-reading abilities because he's almost going cross-eyed by how close Derek is suddenly to him and he's breathing in the smell of Derek's shampoo, and wow, when did he back up into the wall?

"If you want to," Derek licks his lips and Stiles almost misses his next words while not-so-subtly following the movement with his eyes, "I could give you a hands-on demonstration."

And Stiles' brain might have to be rebooted after such a blatant come-on, mostly because Derek doesn't do flirting, especially not with Stiles, but the boy's head still moves up and down in a frantic nod as Derek's soft-looking lips stretch into a tentative smile.

A few hours later and Stiles has absolutely no doubts about Derek Hale being flexible. Holy shit.

#sterek #sterek headcanon #derek is flexible can’t convince me otherwise #it’s good for both battles in the fields and battles in the sheets #stiles definitely appreciates it

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you-cant-fuck-megaman · 1 year

Text

megaman AI box art

there’s a pretty big discussion around AI art, it seems i’m not super-familiar with The Discourse but if my programming experience has taught me anything it’s that random generation has to springboard off of something (usually called a seed), and you have to feed stuff in to an AI to get material to build off of that springboard so i’ve got several big goddamn questions as to where t f these guys would get their seeds and material from

but me being me, the first thing on my mind is “can you draw megaman with it?” so i decided to insert in "megaman box art" to a handful of different ones, see what happens

first off is a place called Nightcafe Studio, which allows you to pick one of three styles to make art in: cosmic, matte, and cyberpunk. nacho cheese and cool ranch were out, sorry.

this is "megaman box art" as done in its cosmic style and it certainly looks cosmic megaman got a nose guard to defend against space pollen, i guess and either his arm got detached and is floating down there or he's got a vacuum cleaner attached to his shins but it sure is cosmic

6/10, pretty colors but not very megaman

next style was matte, and

this actually looks pretty fucking cool! you've got a rad cityscape in the background, lighting’s really neat, and background to the MGA AIN MGATAN logo as sponsored by pepsi is cool

i guess that's kind of sort of Model ZX aile if you squint and tilt your head, but she’s the main part that turns the entire thing sinister. did you know that when you’re dealing with the fae shapeshifted as a human, you should count the features to make sure everything’s accurate? count the knuckles, count the fingers, count the shadows... oops, six fingers hah hah hah hah hhhhhhhhhhhh this is not Model ZX aile, this is not your friend.

7/10 you’re not stealing my goddamn teeth today, oberon

last to go is cyberpunk style and

holy shit this is a fucking WWE poster roman reigns dressed in pink and got a fucking beam tonfa??? or something a very distorted vince mcmahon puts on a power glove while brock lesnar looks disappointed to the side, and fiery font tells us that the meemen meeaiiaininaihiniahin is gonna happen at 2 / F' / 20 i could imagine you could probably print this out, put it through photoshop for edits, and then try to pass it off as an official poster for a synthwave megaman reboot. if you were a moron who wanted to get fired, i mean. fantastic way to commit career suicide.

1/10 coolest shit i've ever seen but very bad megaman art tbh

still, i'll give cyberpunk another shot. maybe it was confused, thinking it was going to have men that were mega, rather than megaman

HOLY SHIT

fuckin AXE DADY megaman over here this has it all it's got the dictator cam, looking up like it's hitler it's got the stance, holding a black vylon slinky to the side while he contemplates shooting above it it's got the logo sleekness, i've never seen MEEMN AXE DADY rendered so well it's got the color contrast, bright blue city in the left while a goddamn laser rips through time and space on the right and it's got a cool robot that actually kind of has a buster arm, though the computer is clearly confused as to what megaman’s buster actually looks like maybe should’ve let an artist handle that?

10/10, great megaman art, fucking amazing, would play, would watch, would let axe dady shoot things

next up is deepai's Machine Learning Model doesn’t seem to have any parameters, just put in a text box and go, so i did

thanks i've been wondering how it would be possible to turn megaman into a horror icon i didn't think hollowing his face out and replacing it with a fucking skull would be the answer but this is a pretty handy way to ensure my insomnia persists through the night

0/10 i

fucking

hate it

hastily getting the fuck away from that abomination unto both god and man, next up is dream.ai it seems to be a service mostly for developing and providing NFTs, but it's actually completely free with a little finagling so i don’t get where the value is supposed to come from

anyway, there's a lot of different options to provide a customized art style for the prompt, and you can even see it with different things it's got a lot of options too many to safely delve into, in fact, so i'm going to do the game journalist thing and generate maybe a handful of things and judge it entirely off that

first off is a comic art style generated without a seed

and at first glance this looks partially like the megaman 1 box art characters decided to pvp with each other at second glance as you look closer, though, you can clearly tell it's an i don't know what the fuck

4/10 colors look cool at least

maybe weird shit is the best part of it, though maybe weird shit is what it specializes in so let's try psychadelic

well, that's psychadelic all right i guess the dude in the middle is kind of sort of vaguely megaman but i don't know what the fuck else there is, there's actually less sensible shit going on here

2/10 i like listening to shpongle too, dude

but it's safe to say this system needs a bit of help let's go back to comic style and feed in some nice art from existing megaman

in my opinion, this poster is the peak megaman experience. it’s the quintessential representation. this pretty clearly dictates what megaman's about guy in blue shooting things robots getting shot at ominous shitbag in the background castlevania for some reason

favorite promo art, hands down. so let’s see how the AI works with this.

all right, finally, we're getting somewhere. guess this AI just needed to copy from someone else’s homework first. wow, that brings up a lot of questions about the nature of the materials AI art generators use to build their random images. well, that’s goddamn horrifying to contemplate. am i a monster unwittingly contributing to a system of artistic exploitation for the sake of making a shitpost on a megaman shitpost blog? fucked up.

anyway, we got a robot dude, he's got a gun, he's even got a little strut i like this guy a lot, he's got moxie and a rad face-visor thing

all right, i'm feeling generous 6/10 you fucked up but now you're getting better

let's go once more for comic style and

all right, holy shit, you're learning fast yeah this is undeniably megaman he's even got the weird helmet and weird boots and everything

there's a cool cityscape, a sci-fi sky, and he's trying to give the underside of a ship the highest of fives he doesn't look like he's standing very well on his taco bowl of destiny, though but i can't fault him with his dildo leg, must be difficult to stand on and judging by his pants, he's got trouble with testicles the size of texas growing in after kicking wily's ass 69 times understandable problem, really, after you go through 10 games that’s when you turn from a mega boy to a real mega man

9/10, good box art

you know, i'm feeling confident, i think dream's got a good idea as to what's going on with megaman let's take a risk and go for a different art style synthwave looks good, it's all about that retro shit and megaman's a retro series

this doesn't look like a new picture that just looks like you took the original picture and put a shitty smear on it

god fucking damn it

0/10, apply yourself, pick up a goddamn pencil and then see me after class

getting away from that, next up is stable diffusion, apparently a state-of-the-art AI generator hosted by Hugging Face, which i hope is a legitimate company and not a front for xenomorphs

and HOLY SHIT

on the first go we have some actual fucking box art good background, very clear, we've got a skyline with a forcefield pyramid in the background i guess wily's a space egyptian now? rad.

napalm bomb megaman's doing some fucking pelvic thrusts ready to spread war crimes all about bit distressing for our sweet friendly superhero boy but i'll admit i'd react the same way after getting a fucking napalm gun for an arm.

we've even got a rating on the bottom right, indicating that it's suitable for ages Video Game and up got a clearly-defined line for letting the publishers rub their dick all over, filling it with logos or titles or other corporate information

i feel confident about this, i like our MEAAN game, shit's looking pretty good

10/10, good box art. real good box art. little timmy would probably be confused seeing it on the shelf but this strikes me as something Bob Capcom would reasonably okay after five lagers and an existential crisis.

getting a little concerned here, looks like crisis on infinite megamans

i don’t want to imagine how many official variants of rock there are, especially if you count all the fangame/indie game knockoffs, but having them all collide together into a single Enter the Megaverse sounds like it'd be effectively impossible to handle do you want to play megaman, megaman x, megaman volnutt, megaman.exe, star force, zx, x over flavored? dos-flavored? bad box art flavored? captain n flavored? pachinko-flavored?

NGL though if rockman taisen ends up being some sort of dumb megaman battle royale then i would actually punch a cactus out to be able to play as ruby spears megaman frankly, huge missed opportunity that they're not even in X Dive the tagline even writes itself, "I knew you'd pull for Mr. Lincoln!"

oh yeah i was rating the cover uhhhhhhhh i dunno, there's dudes i don't know, they're doing poses, ominous guy in the background i guess it's serviceable? this doesn’t really tell me anything about the game, there’s just guys.

6/10 i'd pass it over and look at something else

holy shit are you okay? either he's (she's? they're?) taking a dump and all their lower intestines got caught in it, or something is burning out in the thinkpan and won’t be coming back

that dead-eyed glare is actually legitimately haunting this is the expression someone makes in anime after they realize you stabbed them and you were never their friend i've only seen that gaze in my life twice before and let me tell you, you remember things

1/10 someone call the police

all right, i’m moving away from that before i bring up more questionable ground our final contestant for the night is hotpot.ai, a website for general purpose game asset AI generation. they’ve got AI-handled copywrite, too, which strikes me as risky ground. if i can’t trust a machine with megaman, can i trust a machine to legally cover my ass? i would never trust a machine with my pants, ass or no. we’ve already firmly established that robot masters are always a pants-on debacle.

anyway, let’s give this a shot

aaaaaand hit “Generate”, and

EXCU

NOPE

FUCK THIS

I’M DONE

#megaman #mega man #rockman #ai art #meta #inapplicable

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mockerycrow · 6 months

Text

CROW’S 4K CELEBRATION GUIDELINES

I truly cannot express my gratitude for all of your love and support over the last couple of months. I never imagined I would hit even 1k, and now I’m at 4k?? holy. fuckin. shit. I love you all!!!

NO LONGER ACCEPTING 4K REQUESTS <3

-> GUIDELINES BELOW THE CUT <-

RULES

PROPER REQUEST FORMAT: “character x gender!reader w/ “insert prompt here” + an AU if you would like :-)

One character per request (unless it’s character x reader x character! (i.e ghost x fem!reader w/ “i can’t do it anymore.”)

Specify the gender you would like. plain “character x reader” will result in gender neutral.

AU’s are allowed.

See my general request rules.

please be patient!! i will get these out asap.

not all of these will be full fledged 3k+ word fics!!

characters that I will be writing for this celebration (all call of duty); ghost, gaz, soap, price (including reboot and og), roach, könig, alex keller, farah karim, kate laswell, alejandro vargas, rodolfo parra, russell adler, frank woods, alex mason, jason hudson, david mason, gideon, jack mitchell, keegan russ, logan + hesh walker.

PROMPTS

fluff prompts #1

fluff prompts #2

angst prompts #1

angst prompts #2

smut prompts #1

smut prompts #2

-> 4K Celebration Posts Masterlist

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herosplatling-replica · 4 months

Note

May I ask for the rare Tang and Korsica with 16?

(ask prompts here!)

16. things you said with no space between us (693 words)

[ author's note real quick: this is the first thing ive ever written for hi fi rush and ohhghhhhg now i want to write more holy shit. thanks for the ask!!!!! ]

“Oh, right. Ambassador Chai also asked me to pass a message onto you, Lady Korsica,” her assistant murmured. The two of them were on the lift, waiting for their stop, and the Head of Security had asked the woman about her schedule for the day. It seemed it would be rather quiet for the most part.

“Is that so? What did he want?” Korsica asked, tilting her head. If it wasn’t urgent enough for a direct email – not that Chai of all people was known for doing things through the proper channels, let alone email – then it had to be interesting.

Tang brushed her hair back, looking through her tablet’s notes. “He suggested that ‘we get the band back together’ for a group portrait. I informed him that you’re rather busy, but that I would pass the message along regardless. It sounded like he wanted me to paint you, him, Miss Peppermint, Sir Macaron, and CNMN.”

“Ahh, I see.” Korsica crossed her arms, looking up at the ceiling passing them by. “When’s my next meeting with Roxanne again?”

“Next Wednesday, Lady Korsica.”

“You can mark me down as available to model for after the meeting, then. I know the meeting will be brief, and once we’re done you can take your time,” the Security Head said, nodding to herself.

“Yes, ma’am.” The orange haired woman nodded along, taking note of it on the tablet. “Shall I inform the others? I haven’t gotten a response yet.”

“Well-”

There was a sudden clunk, and the lift shook wildly. Tang let out a shriek as she was thrown off balance, her tablet falling to the floor with a clatter.

She didn’t think twice before catching her assistant in her arms, thankfully avoiding a concussion. Tang’s eyes were screwed shut before she realized that she wasn’t on the floor, and slowly opened them to meet Korsica’s blue ones.

Oh. Maybe that was improper of me, was all Korsica could think before pulling Tang up to a standing position. When Tang didn’t step back, however, she grew concerned.

“Are you alright?” Korsica asked, brushing Tangerine’s bangs out of her face.

The assistant just blubbered in response, her face rapidly turning a bright red. “I-I, uh- I’m-”

“Tang?”

“I-I’m fine! I, um, I didn’t think you were so- N-nothing! Thank you for catching me,” Tang trailed off, seeming to have finally rebooted her thoughts. The assistant gently picked up the tablet, frowning at the screen.

“Did it crack?”

“Yes, unfortunately. It’s too bad,” Tang pouted. “I don’t know if I’ll get another one anytime soon.”

“I’ll handle it,” Korsica murmured as she took it into her hands, inspecting it closely. “I’m sure if I asked Peppermint she’d have it fixed up by the end of the day. Will that be alright?”

“Huh? Wait, really?”

“Well, yes.” The Head of Security looked up from the shattered screen, finding Tang watching closely. “Tech can be replaced. I’ll lend you one of mine for the rest of the day, and you can get this one back once it’s repaired.”

“I mean, um, why..?”

Korsica thought on it for a moment. She put a hand on Tang’s shoulder, giving her assistant a pat. “Tech can be replaced, but people can’t. And, well, it so happens that you make a particularly good cup of decaf. If that’s what it takes to make sure you keep things running smoothly, so be it.”

She didn’t think it was possible, but the assistant’s face managed to redden further at her words. Tang just nodded slowly, her cybernetic eyes flashing a brief bright yellow before settling back into their natural eye color.

“Now, um…” Korsica straightened her spine, folding her hands in front of her. “What sort of dress code are we thinking of for the portrait? I might need to get something new if we’re doing formal.”

“Uh… oh! Ambassador Chai suggested ‘classic rock style’, but…”

Korsica smiled as her assistant rambled on about potential dress codes, staying close enough to catch her in case the lift shook around again.

Maybe it’s improper, but… I do like her.

#my writing #hi fi rush #korsica #korsica hi ri rush #hi fi rush oc #tang #hi. um. i have no excuse thank you for suggesting this im deceased

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earthstellar · 1 year

Text

Watching Earthspark Eps 11 - 18!

So today was miserable on the Saturday shift so I’m going to be getting gradually absolutely shithouse drunk and watching Earthspark. All of the new episodes!!!

This is my first look at all of the episodes, so these are my initial takes!

I have not eaten today as I have been on shift, so I am likely to be genuinely drunk by the end of this, but I am taking actual notes here.

Commentary as I go below, tagging for spoilers with every tag I know of just in case!

Episode: 11 // Beers: 2

Is the white woman evil? I’m going to say yes, because it sure seems like it.

I love the idea that everyone has the capacity to experience an alt-mode slightly differently; It is dependent on the individual’s perspective, what their experience is in a changed form.

Absolutely love that.

Also, is this the first time we’ve seen what a bot’s experience can be, while in non-root mode? I think so! Although this seems to be specific to her? but we’ll see

The implication that alt-modes can be controlled by external forces is extremely upsetting.

Give me a moment to be extremely old, but I remember when the hottest animation around was fucking Reboot, lmao. This show looks great!!

Oh shit, it was the internet!!! Gen Z all star!!! This show makes me feel so old but also I like that there’s more of a Gen Z feel to the youngin’s here, that’s 100% appropriate and I like it. It seems like the writing is tonally on point for the target demographic and below, which makes sense.

In a way it reminds me a bit of Ghost in the Shell, the way there’s this 3D space to navigate The Net.

Uh oh, an internet meme reference which is 15 years out of date. Maybe I spoke too soon?

An alligator alt-mode! I’m from Florida so this isn’t scary to me lmao, but hell yeah Beastformers!!! Fuck yes!!!

That flat ass landing for Soundwave. lmao just flat on the back! Fuck.

Evil white woman!!! uh oh

Yay, the family! I still really struggle with the family-intensive emphasis of this whole show so far, but I acknowledge that it’s because my own family is completely fucked up so all of these morals fall very short for me, personally. I do like that there’s a lot of focus on being together and achieving things as a collective unit of people, though. :)

I love Nightshade. Not just saying this because I also don’t believe in gender, but just in general, I love Nightshade.

This bitch is a living router!!! Yes!!! God, yes!!!

Episode: 12 // Beers: 3

How do they clean under the glove? Is the glove just a part of their hand? How integrated is it?

Home movies, fuck yes.

Anxiety son trying to choose his alt-mode reminds me a lot of 12 year old me trying to choose my gender. Relatable. 10/10

What a cute opening!!!! I don’t have siblings but is this what it’s like sometimes? Holy shit I was a lonely kid LMAO

I love Jawbreaker a lot.

Dot’s hairtie looks a lot like a FedEx parcel rubberband. Not hating on it, I’m just saying.

Oh shit this is going to be a home movie episode! YES YES YES

This reminds me of Rewind doing interviews of the Lost Light crew, I’m gonna fucking cry over the most basic shit lmaoooo

WiFi Queen watching her stories. PLAY TELEMUNDO

Jawbreaker is my son nobody fuck with him ever

oh no creative differences

WiFi Queen leave my son alone, no no no no

This reminds me way too much of all the videos teenagers made back in the day of Kingdom Hearts keyblade fights in Target parking lots and it’s truly, truly embarrassing but also very much a vibe

ARACHNAMECHS YOU HAVE MY ATTENTION

calm down Elita-One

Megatron like “when’s your fucking boyfriend gonna get here” lmao

MEGATRON INTERVIEW LET’S FUCKING GO

OH SHIT HISTORY LESSON

NO NO NO WIFI QUEEN STOP STOP STOP YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO SET OFF PTSD STOP

hashtag her name is hashtag

oh god he’s explaining his fucking tilt-rotor alt mode, I already made a post about why the alt mode is inherently funny but tl;dr these things suck IRL :(

oh shit are we getting an Elita-1 workout tape

this is kinda shitty of Elita actually, maybe slow down for the kid??? IDK

ok it’s nice now <3

oh shit!!! self-discovery!!!

uh oh foreshadowing that this video definitely won’t be just for him :(

the handling on that big ass van is not good, which makes sense

sibling themed lesson, not surprising-- seems like almost every episode so far in some way or another. not complaining, it’s just something I really can’t relate to personally at all so I’m naturally a bit disconnected

cute, edit with the scissors :’)

is this what it’s like to have a family that loves you? like they’re supportive and shit? that’s real????? that can happen? lol my family is so fucked up idk this is actually depressing me but it’s fine I like the show

Episode: 13 // Beers: 3

god I love Jawbreaker

Nightshade!! oh shit. I love them too

I LOVE Nightshade. lmao

Nightshade is me. I also do not want to go Do The Thing. I want to Do Some Bullshit.

Loner child!! Yes!!! They made a character for those of us that are only children lmao

CEMETERY YES YES YES

oh fuck are they about to learn about death

YES YES YES YES SPIDERS YES

YES HOLY SHIT YES TARANTULAS YES YES YES YES YES

PROTOFORM

UNAFFILIATED

SUFFICIENTLY NON-THREATENING

MOTHERFUCKER YES

PRONOUN INTRODUCTION YES

YES!!!! FUCK YES

HOLY SHIT

I’M SO QUEER THIS IS THE BEST EPISODE OF ANYTHING EVER

“YOU HAVE A MISSED CONNECTION” DON’T TELL HIM PROWL CALLED, STOP WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD

did this goggle wearing asshole just call them an “it”? did they ever say they used it pronouns? I might just be drunk I’ll have to rewatch later but uhhh

Nightshade is my favourite, but so is Tarantulas

IS HIS HOLOFORM DALE GRIBBLE FROM KING OF THE HILL WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

HOLOFORMS!!!!

FUCK ME THIS IS GREAT

I LOVE TARANTULAS I LOVE HIM

IT’S SORT OF UPSETTING HOW MUCH I FEEL HIM RN BUT YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK IT THIS WHOLE EPISODE IS SO REAL FOR EXISTING

80S MUSIC SCIENCE MONTAGE YES YES YES

THEY’RE GIVING ME EVERYTHING!!!

oh no is it gonna take a turn now

“I chose to survive” FUCKING MOOD

no motherfucker he will NOT lose another child!!!!

YES DOT WITH THE REAL TALK <3 LOVE HER

god dammit! this is my favourite episode of this whole show so far

ha ha oh shit spider time!!

PARENT THEFT

OH MY GOD WE’RE DOING IT

I’VE ENTERED SICKO MODE

unsupervised only child behaviour, I can finally relate to something in this show!!! god bless!!!

PARTNER!! YES!!

honestly I get that it’s the Maltos so he’s wrong on this occasion but in general I am fully on board with Tarantulas at the moment, GHOST is some bullshit

BEASTMODE

BEASTMODE!!! FUCK YEAH FUCK YES HOLY SHIT

Tarantulas has a desire to adopt so strong that he’s wrongly evaluating the current situation, this was entirely predictable, if you know then you know lmao

OH FUCK I LOVE NIGHTSHADE’S NEW LOOK

HELL YEAH

fuck off Bumblebee

yeah I fucking love Nightshade’s new look, this RULES

YEAH TARANTULAS REDEMPTION ARC YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

FUCK GHOST I HATE GHOST

they’re just OK with this shit? what the fuck? I mean ok but also no it isn’t, what the fuck?

CREDITS, FUCK

THIS WAS THE BEST EPISODE. THIS WAS THE BEST ONE.

Episode: 14 // Beers: 3

oh fuck GHOST

had to pause to make some bagels at this point, lox and a schmear, hell yeah

god I love Nightshade’s new look so much

hate that WiFi Queen got stuck with a GHOST alt-mode, GHOST sucks so bad I hate them so much holy shit :( she deserves better but also I understand the Call of the WiFi

Schloder you asshole

lmao The Most Dad

the tea kettle is shaped like Bumblebee lmao, wait why is Schloder fondling it like his dick, I don’t like this

that’s not how lenses work

it’s OK Nightshade, I can’t do math either

oh shit is it gonna be Blurr, oh shit oh fuck

god the texture on Dot’s hair is so good

BREAKDOWN OHHH SHITTTT

STUNTICONS!!!

stupid deal, of course. there’s no plot without it

is this the Big Sister Syndrome I have heard so much about

oh shit evil white woman is back!!! Croft?

the three dipshit hipster GHOST members, lol

YEAHHHHH DOT

fuck, the white woman strikes again

YEAH FUCK UP GHOST

oh shit

BREAKDOWN FUCK YEAH

LMAO the license plate in Human Language too, fuck yeah, GHOST sucks

evil white woman!!!

holy shit that ruled also FEELINGS

FUCK GHOST

WHY IS EVERYONE OK WITH GHOST???? FUCK GHOST

this whole thing took 10 hours? damn

Episode: 15 /// Beers: 3

LOVE the discussion about which prosthetic to use <3

oh shit it’s a Mother’s Day episode

this is gonna be hard, I might have to punk out on this one for Fucked Up Family Reasons

love Nightshade <3 also hell yeah owl claws!!

ha ha oh shit a bear! FUCK

what the fuck happened with her prosthetic what bullshit is this

my mom used to be a ranger this sucks so bad like my relationship with my mom is NOT GOOD so this show is already hard to watch lmao but holy shit

super worms? fucking GHOST doing bullshit in the woods

the dial up sound L M A O

the way WiFi Queen says “picnic basket” is the same cadence famously used by Yogi Bear, for those who aren’t old as fuck and/or have never seen that show before

THE BEAR IS SATAN

I love Large Son

FUNGUS BEAR FUNGUS BEAR TOXIC WORM BEAR

oh shit Nightshade cruise mode!!

what the fuck the fungus bear became a new bear

DISPERSE THE GOO

I will talk a lot about the prosthesis lesson at a later date, 10/10 I like seeing this discussed on a show for kids

evil white woman is shaping up to be the Main Villain here

Episode: 16 // Beers: 4

oh fuck a flashback

oh fuck!!!

man it sucks to watch kids act out war. like yeah I know this is fiction but it’s also real and it sucks

looks like they finally set off PTSD in Megatron, way to go kiddos :( if I triggered my dad’s PTSD by playing with a ball or something I had the shit whipped out of me, so I hope the kids can fucking run because it’s not their fault anymore than it was mine IRL but I can feel the sting, oh nooo

Scottish Megatron was a great choice

HISTORY LESSON LET’S FUCKIN GO

HISTORY LESSON FROM MEGATRON LET’S GO FUCK YEAH

man this episode is actually already setting off my own PTSD!! nothing like family themed shows to really point out how fucked my own family is. gonna need more beers!!!

THE BLUE FLOWERS alright yeah this is gonna fuck me up real bad

hold on I’m getting another beer

shut the fuck up, kids-- IDK I know this is my own family trauma from war speaking here, but I would have absolutely had the fucking shit slapped out of me if I said or did anything during War Story Time. I’m like terrified they’re going to start getting beat for real in a minute here if they keep saying dumb shit :(

megatron has been patient so far but holy shit kids shut the fuck up

that having been said I am glad Megatron is better with kids than any of my family members lmao it’s not like I want them to get hit or anything, I’m just seriously on edge because I absolutely got traumatised when I like, breathed when my mom or dad was doing PTSD time and this feels like where that is going

“what do you know of the all spark” GET ‘EM MEGS, GET ‘EM WITH KNOWLEDGE

IDK how I feel about Dot alone being Meg’s turning point but we’ll see where this goes

very TFP-like, with restoration of Cybertron being the ultimate goal

Scots Meg, love it when the Scots comes through. shoulda just let the VA go full Scottish, that would rule

that having been said, oh fuck Shockwave!

I like his design, 50% Cyberverse, 50% G1.

OLD FRIEND LINE I’M LOSING MY MIND

really uncomfortable how much this reminds me of a couple war memorials I’ve been to IRL, Do Not Like but I understand they were going for this exact association it just sucks for what are probably obvious reasons

nobody bothered to secure Shockwave’s tube? ever?

“lower class cy-brids” oh FUCK

IT WAS A CLASS WAR, IDW/TFP influenced origin semi-confirmed for this continuity as well???

“we have just enough energon in us for those things to hurt” -- interesting

I love that the park insignia is a human fist grabbing a Cybertronian finger in a “handshake”

don’t spew centrist bullshit Megatron but war fucks with everyone’s heads so I don’t blame you.

although yes “don’t do leftist infighting” is very good advice, he’s not wrong about that.

Episode: 17 // Beers: 5

what the fuck is this underground dog fighting pit Cybertronian battle arena gladiatorial contest bullshit right the fuck here

ARE THEY IN FUCKING PHILLY

THEY ARE!!! THEY’RE IN FUCKING PHILLY

SHOUT OUT TO ALLEGHENY COUNTY!!!!

what weakass drumline is this, come on there are buskers better than this

WHERE’S GRITTY

PLEASE GRITTY

everyone is rude in Philly, these kids don’t know shit

also “city mileage” is literally going nowhere because traffic isn’t moving LMAO

oh shit a hipster is about to get Bad Timed

OH FUCK YEAH RED EYE OWL SUPERHERO TIME

YESSSSS OUR THEY/THEM HERO YES YES YES YES YES

no honey don’t breathe in the train vent air, you’re breathing in so much pollution, noooo

they’re encountering a white woman in the wild, oh no

OH NO THE WHITE WOMAN IS ENTICING THEM TO JOIN A PIT FIGHT

DON’T LISTEN TO STRANGE WHITE WOMEN DON’T DO IT, NO

god dammit!

none of the Philly people have good Philly voices but I expected this

NO SKATEPARK HAS AN AMERICAN FLAG ON IT THAT ISN’T VANADALISED, I CALL BULLSHIT IMMEDIATELY

Twitch is fucking up her paint so bad right now

fucked up graffiti, oh no :(

SHE/THEY PINS ON THE BACKPACK HELL YEAHHHHH

YEAHHH NIGHTSHADE CALLED IT OUT

QUEERS UNITE

YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH

I LOVE THIS SCENE SO MUCH

YESSSSSSSSSSS NON-BINARY DISCUSSION

YEAH YEAH YEAH FUCK YEAH

please god have a trans man on this show someday, please god

white woman quoting bugs bunny lmao fuck off

GUITAR CHILD IS RUNNING A PIT RING???

SOUNDWAVE COME GET YOUR KIDS

ha ha Bumblebee’s like what the fuck “we just wanted to see wrestling” LOL

lmao staged fight let’s go, WWE back in the late 90s early 2000s energy for real

are they gonna do the Hulk Hogan Mr. America lie detector test thing LMAOOOO

I like that the arena is made up of fucked up old subway cars though, that’s real Philly energy tbh

GRIMLOCK HA HAAAA GET FUCKED

no memory? also reference to IDW 1 Grimlock losing memory? idk I just want there to be as much IDW 1 in this as possible tbh

also fucking LOL Lazerbeak is doing amazing as the announcer

Mandroid!!

wait the mind control eyes were purple here and the bear with the fucked up fungus tentacle worm situation also had purple eyes but that was from the GHOST shit so I’m calling it now, the Mandroid shit and the GHOST shit is the exact same shit

lmao uh oh, fuck them humans

interesting how they said “we changed you” and he instantly said “you didn’t ruin anything”, uhhh not quite the same thing but also I’m drunk and this is a child character talking so I will revisit this later if need be

Stevie fucking sucks, very true, good lesson: friends that suck are not actually friends

OH SHIT REAL MISSION TIME IN PHILLY LET’S GO

I love that fucking owl alt mode so much, jesus christ

Episode: 18 // Beers: 5

humans are fucking shitty

very similar reveal shot to the shot in TFP where Ratchet and Optimus are looking around in the plague ship, 10/10 love it

oh fuck, Brawl’s toast

OH FUCK NICE SAVE LARGE SON

this scene looks great

Mandroid’s looking fucked up!

oh shit, Bot Brawls, there’s a name for it. and it’s just normal human bullshit, not related to Mandroid. yeah, that checks out. SIGH

EXTREMELY ANIME SHOT OF MANDROID

holy shit those cables really jammed in there

they made one of the worms from Tremors into a giant spider worm (not a sexy Tarantulas spider worm, like a bad one)

oh shit Hashtag’s mind controlled

ha ha holy fuck she just rocked Thrash

MENTAL BATTLE ZONE YEAHHH

this is fucked!!!

ha ha it’s fucking with Teslas, that kinda rules

HA HA YES IT’S ALL CARS WITH WIFI SHIT INVOLVED, YEAH I KNEW I DIDN’T TRUST THAT SHIT!!! I WAS RIGHT!!! THANKS FOR VALIDATING ME

can’t beat the internet, y’all are fucked pretty bad right now

obligatory “I know you’re in there” line

if the power of family is what defeats a microchip in this episode I’m going to be so fucking pissed off l m a o

I really wish this show would stop making me feel bad for having a shitty family at literally every opportunity, it really is sort of overbearing, but I’m also drunk right now so maybe I’m just being overly sensitive, but what about kids watching this with shitty families? like dude this is so genuinely painful

god fucking dammit

the power of family is what did it

I mean good, I guess, but also this just makes me feel like such shit lmaooo

also I’m an only child so I mean IDK what the fuck sibling love is LOL

if I took shots for every time they said the word “family” I’d be dead within 15 minutes, guaranteed

the little girl is the only one with any common sense lmao, I am too drunk to remember her name, I still have not eaten all day -- wait I lied I had 2 bagels

confirmed: Bot Brawls are the only option for Decepticons, it’s literally just a new version of gladiatorial battles on Cybertron (assuming that was also a thing in this continuity, seems likely but I don’t think they’ve mentioned it yet)

fucking bummer

I wouldn’t be laughing at a drained Bumblebee passing the fuck out but that’s just me, also apparently Cybertronians can snore despite having vents and no airways, maybe that’s different here for some reason, IDK

it could also be Bumblebee actively trying to put them at ease with the last bit of his energy in a subtle way as the Terrans/kids might not understand Cybertronian anatomy so this might not register to them as being weird, which is the option I prefer but this is just me thinking out loud

EVIL WHITE WOMAN!!! I TOLD YOU THE WHITE WOMAN WOULD BE THE REAL ENEMY!!!!! I TOLD YOU!!!!!

oh fuck she’s the pit fight organiser, because of course she is

OH SHIT ENERGON PATCHES. Mandroid’s reaction to it is a lot like TFP Megatron’s reaction to dark energon, hmmmm

“they’re all disposable” wow fuck you lady

also the shithead kid learned a lesson and fixed the graffiti, good

great ending frame on a deranged Mandroid

ALRIGHT SO THAT’S IT

I’m going to sleep now, will re-watch all of this sober once I have the time, just desperately wanted to see Tarantulas tbh LMAO and I do not regret it!!

#cw alcohol #cw alcohol mention #es spoilers #earthspark spoilers #tfes spoilers #tf earthspark spoilers #spoilers #tfe spoilers #maccadam #maccadams

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 9 months

Text

Psycho Analysis: Egg Fu

(WARNING! This analysis contains RACISM! Seriously, just look at this fucking guy, holy shit! What were they thinking?!)

People always have different answers to why people just don’t know Wonder Woman’s adversaries to the same extent that they know Batman or even Superman’s, despite her being one of the Big Three of DC. Some say it’s because Diana is all about diplomatically resolving conflict, and thus ends up befriending her foes. Others claim it’s because she kills her enemies. I’m not sure if either of these groups know what they’re talking about because I don’t read comics as extensively as some, but considering what we’re talking about here I’m guessing DC wants to keep people from knowing her enemies because if they do, they’ll find shit like Egg Fu.

Like, just look at this fucking guy. Look at him.

Like I get comics were racist back in the day, but this one takes the cake. What's even more insane is how they keep trying to revamp and revitalize the character in the modern era, from being a bad guy from Apokolips:

To... whatever the hell this is:

There's got to be reason, right? Why are writers so dead set on trying to rehabilitate the racist communist egg man?

Motivation/Goals: As a Yellow Peril villain, Egg Fu exists to show the EVILS of communism while also making sure to show Asians in the most unflattering light possible. He's not particularly good at either job to be honest, dying every time he comes across Wonder Woman and being so utterly absurd a concept it's hard to take him seriously at all. Like, he's an egg. For what reason? I mean yeah there's the pun, but why is he a fucking egg in-universe? What's the benefit of being an egg with a prehensile mustache? How exactly does it help dominate the filthy Americans (oh, I'm sorry, the Amelicans).

Final Fate: In his very first appearance, Wonder Woman does the right thing and fucking cracks this egg:

When the next Egg Fu shows up, she does more of the same:

Unfortunately, when another Egg Fu named Dr. Yes (he's a robot duplicate, because of course he is) showed up, he got away.

As for the modern Egg Fus, they're probably still kicking around. I'm not reading through fifty issues of storyline to discern the fate of some rebooted racist egg man, sorry.

Best Quote: Surely such a character as Egg Fu must have some great dialogue! Let's see, how about...

Oh. Oh dear. That's, um, not great. Uh, what about...

Oh fuck that's even worse. Er, there has to be something here...

Oh god, the only thing worse than racism is finding out a mid-tier DC movie starring Dwayne Johnson has arrived!!!!

Yeah no this guy gets no points in this category, his dialogue ranges from generic bullshit to the kind of stuff you'd hear from the City Wok guy on South Park.

Final Thoughts & Score: So a while ago I reviewed Fu Manchu, a villain that absolutely fascinates me. He is the archetypal Yellow Peril supervillain who has had an absolutely undeniable impact on popular culture, altering history by spawning legions of imitations (such as Egg Fu here) as well as doing things such as giving a name to a style of facial hair. As with all villains that have such a colossal influence, he got an 11 with an asterisk denoting how monumentally racist the character was, despite their being positive aspects to him that were fair for the time period he was created in.

Now imagine that but without any of the positive qualities. That’s Egg Fu.

This is such an absurd, baffling supervillain even for the time he was created. Like, okay, I get racial stereotypes were prevalent in a lot of comics… but a giant communist egg with a prehensile mustache?! Far be it from me to suggest writers were on drugs when coming up with their wild ideas, but you have to admit that substance abuse would go a long way towards explaining why this was allowed to happen. Simple racism can’t explain this; it’s a giant fucking egg.

I think the sheer insanity of it all is what draws me to this character. Not only is it blatantly racist, they also keep trying to bring back and reimagine him. And like, yeah, that’s kind of sick and I love when weird-ass ideas get revamped and recontextualized for the modern era… but Egg fucking Fu? It’s bad enough we had Egg Fu the Fifth and his evil clone Dr. Yes all within the span of a year before being dropped for decades, but then they decided to dust him off and try a redo? Why?

I think the appeal to try and revitalize him comes from the fact that, as far as stereotyped and racist caricature villains go, Egg Fu is so fucking bizarre. Like I can't stress enough this is a giant communist egg who speaks in broken English and has a prehensile mustache. In a sea of Yellow Peril villains he easily stands out despite being relatively obscure from the sheer fact he's not simply a racist stereotype; he's an insane racist stereotype that just boggles the mind as to what the writers and artists were actually trying to say with this.

The history of this character is just so weird, his very existence is weird… He’s the opposite extreme of Fu Manchu for me. While Fu is fascinating for his impact on culture and deserves the highest marks with that caveat that he’s also extremely problematic, Egg Fu gets a 3/10 with a similar caveat. He’s so bad it’s good, but he’s bad because he’s a racist caricature, which isn’t great. I see this like I do the movie The Conqueror, the movie where John Wayne played Genghis Khan. Yes, it’s absolutely absurd and tasteless that these white people are playing Asians, but at the same time everything about this is so absurdly racist it crosses the line twice and somehow manages to become hilarious. Like what are you even trying to do here? It’s offensive in a way where you can’t do anything but laugh at them because they genuinely thought they were on to something here.

And that’s ultimately how I feel about Egg Fu. They really thought they were cooking something with this one, but this egg didn’t poach them any new readers and he hasn’t gone over easy with modern audiences. It’s really hard not to crack up at this complete yolk of a character. So yes, Egg Fu is enjoyably bad in a “What were they even fucking trying to do here?” sort of way, and he’s definitely one of my favorite insane comic book villains that time has forgotten… but there’s no denying that this is a character who is inherently problematic.

Anyway, this review has given me excessive racism poisoning, so I think I'm going to review a comic villain who isn't horribly offensive next time.

COMING SOON! PSYCHO-ANALYSIS: HEMO-GOBLIN!

The South African white supremacist vampire who gives people AIDS!

(Just kidding, I'm reviewing Snowflame).

#psycho analysis #Egg Fu #DC #Yellow Peril #Racism cw

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