#I’m also letting myself be me

[stuckinapril]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

#It’s just so different #even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol #in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps #if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it #esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends #no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr #u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS #meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life #this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation #like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !! #& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers #who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them #and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends #it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me #I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc #like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this #so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works #p

[flowercrowngods]

yes yes robin or eddie teaching steve about bisexuality that’s all good but consider!! steve talking to mike and explaining to him that sometimes people just like boys and girls, and that it’s okay. steve coming out to mike, telling him that he’s, like, kinda sorta dating eddie munson, and that that doesn’t mean he never loved nancy.

and then mike — prickly, ten walls around his heart, snarky comment on his tongue even when no one’s around, suppressed, confused, kinda scared, super in love with will — wheeler has a first, very tentative coming out. to steve harrington, of all people. and maybe that’s okay.

update: theres a fic now

#listen i’m just. i have thoughts. THOUGHTS i tell ya!!! #let me just have dinner and a shower and then i’ll write this!!! happy pride month etc etc i just. i need mike to have healthy bisexual rep #and steve’s like ‘yeah man it sucks ass sometimes but it’s also pretty neat. and will called you the heart of your group. #so what if that heart has room for boys and girls dude. just means you have a big fuckin heart.’ #stranger things #this ain’t even a post i’m just hyping myself up for this also otherwise i’ll forget

[finntheehumaneater]

honestly, the duffer brothers have fucked up with a lot of things, but one of the big ones for me was them not letting Eddie say “i’m glad to be with you, Dustin Henderson. Here at the end of all things.” While Dustin was holding Eddie’s dying body in his arms.

#LET HIM BE A NERD WHILE HE DIES #I BEG OF YOU #PLEASEEEE #alternatively this could be seen as Steddie also if you want to make it sad and romantic #But he should have gotten to be the biggest nerd ever in his final fucking moments #:( #‘Eddie Munson #Dustin Henderson #Steve Harrington #steddie #<—kind of. Would make a nice angsty fic #YOU GUYS BETTER TAG ME IF YOU DO ANYTHING WITH THIS BECAUSE I NEED TO SEE IT #and like #like #steve carrying Eddie and Dustin out is like the eagles taking Frodo and Sam away from harm :( #I’m making myself sad now I’ll stop :( #stranger things #Stranger things hc #stranger things fic #stranger things fandom #stranger things season four #steve/eddie #eddie & dustin #Steve & Dustin #eddie/steve #lotr

[puppydoggraham]

Thinking about how Will Graham views his anger as righteous which of course extends to Hannibal. A lot of his anger in s2 is over the fact that he finally trusted someone only for that person to betray him but it’s more than that. It’s more than just what Hannibal did to him. What he’s truly deeply angry about is that Hannibal knows his dark nature and not only knows it, but wants him to embrace the very nature he’s desperately trying to suppress.

He’s supposed to be the one that’s perceptive. He’s the one who is supposed to see it all while remaining unknown and unseen. And yet Hannibal recognizes what kind of person he has as soon as they meet. It’s not supposed to be that way. He hates that Hannibal is the one person he can’t hide from. Who will always see through the facade he puts on for others who buy into it. That’s why when Hannibal essentially tells him in s3 that he hasn’t changed, he’s fuming. If just Hannibal can believe he’s changed, maybe he himself can believe it too.

But he doesn’t. And deep down Will knows that’s just what it is too: a facade. Hating Hannibal is really just him hating himself at the end of the day. He takes a lot of his displaced anger out on him. He has these violent murder fantasies about Hannibal that symbolically can be read as him trying to kill off this part of himself. He can’t kill them off. Suppression only works for so long. The fantasies only grow stronger.

It’s only when he gives in at last during TWOTL. When he stops supressimg who he is. When he stops hating himself for it and overthinking about the act of violence. When he allows himself indulgence. This is when he experiences being at peace with himself possibly for the first time ever. At last, the internal battle that rages on inside him calms. The voices in his head go quiet. Even though this is brief, he knows that what he and Hannibal experienced on that cliff is a moment of peace in a lifetime of unrest. He doesn’t take it for granted, which is why he says what he does. When he stops fighting Hannibal, giving into the violence and also his touch as they embrace, it represents that he stops fighting with himself too. And isn’t that the most beautiful thing in the world?

#hannibal #nbc hannibal #will graham #hannigram #hannibal lecter #hannibal meta #you guys always get my Hannibal analysis #well it’s will hours baby #I’m feeling very will lately which means you get will analysis #I’m so will graham like genuinely you have no idea #I feel like everyone says they’re will bc he’s haha awkward autistic loner #and trust me I’m that too #but I’ve personally had so much of a battle with suppressing myself and shame and not letting myself have desire #especially over things not socially acceptable #and that resonates so hard with me #also the displaced anger #and a lot of my anger I would describe as righteous since it’s directed at those who have harmed me #okay maybe the person who said I write will well has a point #I also have a lot of self hate and don’t believe I’m able to be loved anyways #will graham I love you #literally typed this out like I would die if I didn’t get it out #also he denies affection too in addition to violence #or violence serves as a stand in for affection #(hence the line about speaking to him in a language he understands from chiyoh) #so on the cliff he accepts not only violence but affection #he accepts Hannibal’s love he stops running from it #the dual acceptance agh #so many layers #the way you can tell from how he holds onto Hannibal he’s just giving in completely #in that moment he was probably like what do I even do he’s not used to that

[putonyourbathingsuits]

I am in love with David Byrne in a way that cannot be quantified

#david byrne #talking heads #also reading this slapped me in the fucking face #having such a real truth about myself reflected back to me in this text when I’m just tryna read about my fav #like yeah me too babe I’m shit scared too #fear of intimacy and fear of abandonment all wrapped up so I never let anyone in lolz #but let’s not talk about that and focus instead on him being deeply romantic #between that and the greyhound quote #oh it would be so over for me

[clambuoyance]

[DC] I like to think after the events of adventure comics(2009) # 3, Tim finally had a well deserved nap

#I drew these MONTHSSSS ago #and they’ve just been sitting there collecting dust #anyways they r so so special to me #and I will never ever get over the cowl being practically a metaphor for depression and him taking it off and letting go like MYGOD. my god #also yes that last pic is a taz reference iykyk #man I’m bad at posting I think I tell myself oh yeah I’ll color these later or make it a whole comic #but realistically #I never will so here #clam draws #timkon #tim drake #conner kent #kon el #kon el kent #superboy #dc clamics #my art #dc #kontent

[candyheartedchy]

Feeling disconnected again…

#im trying not to isolate myself but I been finding myself pulling away from folks again #maybe I’m just tired but idk #like I been feeling fine and drawing helps as an outlet #but when I go a day without drawing I end up feeling terrible #and I been noticing I haven’t been engaging a lot lately either which I’m mad about #like I’ll scroll a bit maybe post art and asks and then disappear #but also I been feeling like I’m gonna embarrass myself around people again #so if y’all have noticed me interacting less in servers or not as talkative in dms that’s why #vent #I guess??? #I mean it’s more of just me noticing this lately and wanted to let y’all know that I just been feeling off lately #ventish #💬 chy chatter 💬

[thewolveswolf]

here’s a quick recap of the last few days, bc idk whether to laugh or cry

cw & tw for mentions of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse & mental health

took my cat to the vet bc her anxiety & overgrooming is still out of control

got home from the vet and she suddenly won’t put weight on her front right leg

take cat back to the vet, no obvious injury but painkillers are prescribed

4 days later mikasa has not improved, most likely a third vet trip tomorrow (also meaning i will have spent over $400 in less than a week on vet appts. worth it 1000% obviously. still a massive financial ouch tho)

while all that is happening, i find out the parent i have no contact with has:

started badmouthing me & my mum to parents of my high school friends (???? narcissists truly know no boundaries sksks)

HANDWRITTEN a letter to my nana (in ENGLAND!!! we live in AUSTRALIA!!!) stating he finds it “very odd” my mum no longer has any contact with him and he “doesn’t understand why” (uhhh maybe cos u threatened to kill her when she left u bro? and also every bit of abuse u levelled at us for the 30+ years before that? just a thought homeslice)

allegedly removed me from his will (inheriting some of ur genetics is enough for me dude, no sweat no sweat)

at the SAME TIME (bc god knows the universe has zero chill) my mother announces her boyf of 6 months is moving in (tbf he is lovely but jfc can everyone just slow down???)

both my siblings mental health are (understandably) collapsing

my anhedonia is now so bad i need to either increase my meds or come off them. pray 4 me either way

i ordered pizza last night and it was TERRIBLE. i’ve never had terrible pizza before, didn’t even know it was possible. fuck u dominos

this is five days worth of happenings. FIVE. DAYS.

anyway if anyone needs me, please look for the person-shaped lump hiding under some sort of blanket

#lets be real i’m hiding under the loads of laundry i cant bring myself to do #personal #i’m just so tired #and so sore #and so worried #and also angry #look at me naming feelings while feeling them #anyway ty for reading my vents

[interstate35south]

i love when people draw all the mxtx protagonists together but i’ll be real the generic anime boy face curse is alive and well

more often than not the art itself is fantastic it just takes me like a solid minute to figure out who’s who. bonus points if lbh is robbed of his wavy hair and the only way i can tell him apart from wwx is his forehead

#mxtx #tgcf #mdzs #svsss #heaven official's blessing #tian guan ci fu #mo dao zu shi #scum villian self saving system #hua cheng doesn’t tend to be a problem but wwx and lbh. man #also not technically a protag but honorable mention to my favorite guessing game “is it shen qingqiu or male shi qingxuan” #i must admit i am a victim of same face syndrome as well but it gets worse when they remove distinguishing features #i’m still talking abt lbh’s hair btw. i feel very strongly about his hair #every other character and their mother already has long straight black hair let him have a little fun #i love you three mxtx characters with not straight hair #also not necessarily a features thing but part of my beef with generic anime boy face is that they all look early 20s which is propaganda #listen wangxian being in their thirties is SO important to me you guys don’t understand #teenage hualian is not real to me i don’t believe in it we’ve already established that #but i’d at least like SOME indication that they’re not all the same age #i love you artists that draw san lang and hua cheng visibly different i love you artists that draw wwx and mxy visibly different #bottom line is pls give them more distinguishing features or i gotta do it myself #half joking but also this shit gets serious

[the-unseelie-court-official]

Arent you that guy that burnt their grilled cheese?

So sad

Next time add some BUTTER to that PAN you FUCKING SAVAGE

Thank you, stranger, for helping me learn more about myself

#getting called guy as a trans woman DOES really suck who woulda thought #also #I’m saying this as nicely as I can since I don’t think you had purposefully bad intentions here #we are not friends and you do not know me #I was like let me laugh at myself real quick about the time I was drunkenly making egg on toast in the pan and I was so worried about the #egg when I flipped the bread it was terribly burnt on that one side #notably only that one side I took a picture of #bc I was hammered and talking to a friend the whole time #and just. chances are when something is every day getting closer to 100k notes I’ve already been dunked on enough no? #like do y’all genuinely think you’re above making notable mistakes like that? #because you’re not #and I really wish people wouldn’t act like I’m some sort of invalid because I had #emphasis on the past tense #the good nature to laugh about #my damn fuckup

[heartbreakfeelsogood]

photos from summer sonic 2023

#fall out boy #FALL OUT BOY ALIVE AND WELL AFTER THE TWO WEEK DROUGHT #PATRICK ANSWER MY CALLS I CAN SHOW YOU SUCH A GOOD TIME LETS TAKE THAT SHIRT OFF SEXY #PETE LOOKS SO CUTE 🥹 #BUT ALSO I WANT HIM TO [REDACTED] MY [REDACTED] #JOE COME INTO MY BED **** ***** ***** ** ******** #ANDY * *** **** **** ******* #<- long drive making me act like a fool apparently #i’m posting these for myself because i don’t have the energy to see if someone else has LOL #still have . 6 and a half hours to drive 👹 #fob #the best boys #andy #joe #pete #patrick #smfs era

[kasieli]

“I like Jujutsu Kaisen for the plot.”

The plot:

#geto suguru #gojo satoru #nanami kento #ryomen sukuna #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #fanart #ok but for real these men are FINE #like idk tbh idk which one of these in my favorite… #I do have a soft spot for Geto tho #and nanami #and gojo #…and sukuna (yuji ver) #brb fanning myself #also hello everyone I’m alive #as usual disaster in the form of art block has struck me #but I guess drawing hot dudes brought me back lmao #anyways pls enjoy my jjk fanart #also yes I know what happens in the manga LET ME LIVE #I got some serious case of copium #also might do some of the student squads bc I also have a soft spot for megumi #I can’t get over how pretty nanami is…

[necessarymeanstoanend]

string the sinner by his wings. in his head, a brittle bone. (advice - alex g)

could not for the life of me think of a background so we’ve got this weird circle thing happening again.

this original piece was called “nosebleed” for this reason but i decided that i liked the other version better

without background and sketch

#if nigel were a planet what planet would he be? #the quote is just there because i think of nigel everytime i hear that lyric #really everytime i hear that song. which has been nonstop lately #his eyes look so dark in this scene #i’ve seen a couple of other people draw this one so i wanted to get more creative with it so nobody thought i was copying them- #-but it just wasn’t happening. no matter how hard i tried #the brain could not come up with anything interesting at all. and i gave it three days of this bitch sitting on my ipad before i gave up #but i changed the colors a bit and called it a day #this one is very obviously referenced so i’m not going to take FULL credit but i still spent almost six hours on it (5 hrs and 52 min) #it’s more fun to draw with references and it’s important for the learning stage so i’m just gonna take this slow and let myself have it #anyway #let me know when you guys get tired of seeing me strictly draw nigel #also thanks so so so much for the love guys. you are all so sweet and it means everything to me omg #murderous intent #like minds #like minds 2006 #nigel colbie #art #fanart #drawing #digital art #artist of tumblr #nigel colbie fanart #tom sturridge #like minds fanart #procreate

[textsfromthetva]

“Hey, me and my platonic life partner saw you from across the bar, and we really dig your vibe. Can we buy you a drink?”

#there. I posted it. #I’m just going to let myself out #this obviously shouldn’t go on a highly professional Loki meme blog #calling it even tangentially related would be reaching #'but then why did you post it here and not on main?' I hear you ask #because I have RL friends and family who follow me on main and they cannot be exposed to shit like this #also I kinda do want that one follower who knows Rafael Casal to stare in horror #I’m not even going to tag this properly it is for you guys and you guys only #(it's the ridiculous level of uncontrolled smolder that's killing me)

[icarianstars]

#happy birthday to everyone’s favourite grumpy wolf boy #let’s just ignore the fact that I’m posting this at 11:20 and there’s only 40 minutes left of his birthday #honestly it’s fairly standard for me #also that cup took me SO. FUCKING. LONG. #it honestly had no business being as hard as it was #like it’s a plastic cup ffs #anyway I’m tired and therefore grumpy #but I couldn’t let myself go to sleep without posting this #remus lupin #remus lupin fanart #marauders #marauders era #marauders fanart #happy birthday Moony #my art

[jacketpotatoo]

Hey @thehomelybadger , thank you for breaking my heart

#the way I picked up my iPad and started drawing angst #caitlyn kiramman #vi arcane #piltover’s finest #caitvi #arcane #fanart #jacketsketch #(this was scheduled before chap 32 came out - I need to sleep so I haven’t read it yet but oh boy) #but I also want to say before I do - thank you. #thank you so much for telling this story. I’m not exaggerating in the slightest when I say it got me through a lot these past few months #it fueled my inspiration it calmed me down on bad days when I was beating myself up with stress it gave me something to grasp onto #I love your characters - every quirk and trait you’ve gave them and this world you’ve fleshed out #I hadn’t seen a second of ice hockey and now I’m looking up reference photos and trying to get the jerseys down #i love these guys and it pains me to be letting them go already - I can’t imagine how it’s like for you - but I’m forever grateful for this #wonderful thing you’ve created out of just the pure love for the characters and for hockey #I went into this thinking ‘hey what a lovely bedtime story’ #and I’m heading to its end forever changed and impacted by it for the better #so thank you badger - see you when I read the next chap