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jazy3 · 3 years

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Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 17X9

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

I loved this episode! The writing was excellent, the cinematography was phenomenal, the acting was great, and the sets and costumes were gorgeous! They did some very interesting shots. It was very avant-garde and when done right I love that kind of thing. Also, we got to see Meredith back in action as she wandered around Teddy's dreamscape and talked to her which I loved. They took a risk with this episode and I think it paid off.

This episode was really beautiful in terms of the sets and costumes that we’re used. I loved Meredith’s jacket, the blue wedding dress that Teddy wears is gorgeous, and I loved her silk pyjama set and robe. Very fierce. I love that they recreated Teddy’s apartment in Germany and dressed it up for the wedding. That set was really cool! The flower arrangements were interesting, and the disco balls were a nice touch. I loved the hotel set where Tom and Teddy run away to. It was very flowy and surreal. Teddy’s bedroom in New York was also well done. The wicker bedframe made it feel particularly true to the era.

This episode made me feel like I have a better understanding of where Teddy is coming from now and it made her a lot more sympathetic and understandable than in the past. I’ve been open about the fact that I’ve found Teddy’s motivations and point of view difficult to understand this season. She spent the first half of the season treating Tom horribly for no discernable reason. She’s been cruel to Owen after finally getting what she wanted all these years and I repeatedly found myself wondering what she expected to have happen after she acted the way that she did.

I didn’t think it was possible for me to like Teddy after the way she’s been acting all season and the careless way she’s been treating other people, but this episode made me understand her a lot more and actually have sympathy for her. What this episode addressed in a big way is that Teddy has never gotten treatment or really dealt with the trauma that she has experienced in the way that other characters have.

Owen, Teddy, Megan, Riggs, April, and Parker all served in the military and experienced trauma as a result. But Teddy has never gotten treatment or any kind of help for what happened to her. We’ve seen Owen go through therapy for his PTSD and other issues multiple times across the seasons. We saw Megan receive treatment and she talks to Owen about the fact that both her and Riggs go to individual and couples’ therapy weekly to deal with their trauma and issues.

While we don’t see April go to therapy we do see her work through the trauma of having served, losing her son Samuel, losing her marriage, and we see her go through a crises of faith later on. We see her process those emotions and get help from those around her. Last we see of resident Casey Parker, Teddy and Amelia are admitting him for treatment and he’s reported to be doing better. We never see Teddy do any of that. We see her go to a grief group after Henry dies, but that’s it. As Amelia says to Owen in this episode, they have both openly acknowledged and received treatment for their illnesses and issues. Teddy never has and clearly that's been affecting her more than any of them, including Teddy, realized. This episode addressed the long standing issues that Teddy has and I’d like to see her get therapy going forward. Through Teddy’s dreams we find out that she blames herself for Allison’s death because she wanted to stay in and make her pancakes for breakfast, but Teddy said no.

Allison wound up going to the restaurant Windows on the World for breakfast and then to work at the World Trade Centre and Teddy grabbed something quickly and then went into work at the hospital. Teddy feels that if she had just said yes to breakfast and to Allison making her pancakes or if they’d both called into work and taken the day off that Allison wouldn’t have died, but as this episode makes clear Teddy couldn’t have known what was going to happen. And having breakfast with Allison may not have saved her life. She could have been somewhere nearby the day of the attack and suffered smoke inhalation or been hit by debris.

Or she could have randomly been hit by a car walking down the street. You just don't know what’s going to happen. But nevertheless, Teddy blames herself. In her flashbacks we see Teddy learn of her mother’s sudden and unexpected death at the age of 50. We learn that Teddy’s father was sick for years before he died that same year. That Allison carried her through that and that’s how they fell in love.

So, when Allison died in a horrific unexplainable terrorist attack that same year Teddy was gutted and so she ran away and joined the military in order to try and help the people who were trying to get the people who killed Allison. While serving in Iraq she fell in love with someone who was engaged and when she was discharged and they reconnected she found out he felt the same way but was with someone else who he later married.

So, she moved on and fell in love with someone else who promptly died. Owen then fired her so she would take her dream job at MedCom in Germany and when they reconnected once again, she found him married to someone else. He flew all the way to Germany to see her and she finally thought they were going to have their moment only to discover that he’d been sleeping with Amelia the night before. She kicked him out only to realize afterwards that she was pregnant.

She once again returned to Seattle only to find out that Owen and Amelia had gotten back together and had kids. So, she started over and began a relationship with Tom only for Owen to once again declare his love for her at the worst possible moment. They got back together and she thought she was happy, but the moment she realized that Amelia’s baby might be Owen’s she panicked and ran back to Tom.

Only to discover that the baby was Link’s and that she just blew her life up for no reason. She couldn’t admit to what she’d done because all of that is tied to her previous trauma that she still hasn’t dealt with. She couldn’t face Tom because she didn’t know how to explain her actions. She couldn’t tell Owen because she still doesn’t understand why did what she did and all of that is wrapped up in those past events that she still hasn’t come to terms with. Then Owen can’t forgive her because that lie makes him feel like everything about their relationship has been a lie.

As for the show choosing to introduce and explore Teddy’s deep love for Allison this late into Teddy's tenure I'm of two minds. On the one hand, I wish they had introduced or hinted at Teddy being bisexual or being in love with Allison earlier on in the series as it would have made more sense and been less of a shock. On the other hand, I've really enjoyed seeing the show explore this storyline more and dive deep into what trauma does to people and how the devastation of losing someone in a tragic incident such as 9/11 can make you close off parts of yourself. The actress who plays Allison, Sherri Saum, does a fantastic job and her and Kim Raver, who plays Teddy, have great chemistry. I found their scenes particularly moving.

As for Owen’s behaviour in this episode, while I understand why Owen was upset, I felt it was hypocritical of him to be so mad at Teddy for not telling him that her and Allison were lovers when he got involved with and married both Cristina and Amelia without telling them that Teddy existed. They both found out after or around the time they got married to him that he was in love with Teddy when she showed up in Seattle. What Teddy did was awful, but Owen's no saint. He's done just as bad and worse. I think it's time for him to let go of his animosity toward her and forgive her. I'm also just really sick of watching them fight all the time. No thank you.

As Amelia says to Owen in this episode, forgiving her doesn't mean that they get back together. It can simply mean that he chooses to let go of his angry and work through his emotions so that they can be friends and co-parent together as he and Amelia have done. I thought Amelia was great in this episode. We saw her step up and advocate for Teddy and counsel Owen even though she didn’t have to.

She told Owen what he needed to hear knowing he was likely to listen to her more than others. She supported Teddy and advocated for her even though she didn't have to because that's who Amelia is and she wants Teddy to experience the same sanity and peace that she's attained now that she's had her brain tumour removed and has her addiction under control. Plus, I think she genuinely wants Owen to be happy and for the kids that they are all raising together to be happy. Happy parents make for happy children. She wants that for them.

Amelia has grown so so much in the past few seasons. She’s gone from someone who was mentally unstable and out of control to the point that she refused help for what were clearly serious issues for literal years and then treated Meredith horribly after Derek’s death and made everything about her and whined and complained when Owen and Meredith pointed out that she wasn’t the only one who missed Derek and that Meredith did not have the luxury of falling apart because she had three small children who need her to someone who is sane and stable and has her addiction under control to the point that she is able to advocate and help others and is able to support Meredith and look after her kids with kindness and compassion.

I loved the Beth and Cristina mentions in this episode and all of the flashbacks especially the early one to when Teddy first shows up and we the audience learn that her and Owen have been in love forever, but he's with Cristina and before that he was engaged to Beth. In this episode we saw Meredith and DeLuca accompany and guide Teddy throughout her dreamscapes which I thought worked really well.

I loved seeing Meredith up and about and talking to Teddy and guiding her through her trauma and her response to it. Meredith is Teddy's patient, she wants her to live, and because Cristina and Amelia are her sisters and she's known Owen by extension for a long time she has information that's useful to Teddy so I thought that made sense. I particularly loved the field of bodies scene in the snow where Teddy is blaming herself for Allison, Henry, and DeLuca’s death and Meredith’s tells her there’s nothing she could have done.

Then at the end Meredith says to her, “Come on let’s leave this place.” And Teddy looks at her and says, “Please don’t die.” And Meredith says, “I’ll try.” I thought was funny and also very poignant. DeLuca helping to guide her made sense to me in that he was someone she worked with closely during the pandemic and who died on her table. She desperately wanted to turn back time and save him the same way she wanted to save Allison, her parents, and Henry.

While I’ve never been a DeLuca fan, I genuinely thought his scenes in this episode were funny and the actor had good comedic timing. The road trip with Tom and DeLuca was hilarious. It makes me wonder what the character could have been if they gone with a more comedic route. What would have happened if in Season 15 instead of pivoting and going in a completely differently direction they had stayed the course and after getting his mojo back had him continue to pursue Neurosurgery as a speciality, had Amelia continue to mentor him, and given him more comedic dialogue.

I think that really could have worked well because from Seasons 12 to 14 DeLuca worked well as a side character and in a supporting role. I didn’t have a particularly strong opinion on the character back then and I only started to hate him as a character in Season 15 when they turned him into a complete asshole who was rude and disrespectful to everybody for no good reason. Presumably out of fondness for the actor they decided to give him a bigger role in Season 15 and made the choice to pivot from him having a supporting role to a romantic storyline and then a dramatic one.

Which was a real shame because it took DeLuca from being a decent side character that most fans either liked or were neutral on to being a real asshole that most fans hated and couldn’t stand. The reality is that character and that actor just didn’t work in a romantic storyline with the main character and his mental health storyline did not come across as intended. I think that’s because the actor and character were best suited to a supporting or comedic role and just didn’t work as a romantic lead or in a dramatic storyline.

My favourite scene of the episode was when Tom and Teddy were in the hotel room and the grenade suddenly appeared and then it went off! I didn't expect it to actually go off and blow up Tom! That shocked me and made for an interesting transition. I really liked seeing more of Tom in this episode. He’s a great character and he’s contracting of COVID-19 has really sidelined him recently so I enjoyed seeing him back in action. The actor, Greg Germann, has great comedic timing so that was a treat to see and I loved seeing more of Tom and Teddy together at the hotel room.

Until next time!

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ofmythsandmadness · 4 years

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MY THOUGHTS ON TUA SEASON TWO: PART TWO (spoilers)

So...I finished season two.

I’m putting ALL my thoughts under the tab so please, don’t click unless you’ve seen it all, and/or you just....like don’t care about spoilers? But please if you’ve not watched it, watch it first ‘cause it deserves all the hype and attention.

You can read part one to this here.

FIVE HARGREEVES…

I deadass thought he was gonna die.

I thought throughout the entire show that he was going to die, and ESPECIALLY at the end, I thought that was it. I guess I’m glad though that he didn’t die of course. But I was convinced, and glad he didn’t and that there was no shock-value death of a major character.

(though like maybe one of them should have gotten hit by a bullet in one of those final scenes?? I mean….there were bullets EVERYWHERE. By SO many guns. How did they miss every time????)

Aiden Gallagher did a terrific job with the character. I don’t agree with the things he personally has done but I am convinced on his acting abilities, I mean JEEZ. He sold the act and alongside Diego/David Casteneda, was really one of the best actors on the show. I am thoroughly impressed. I didn’t really like him much in Season One, but he’s sold the role to me now and I’m very impressed.

That being said... I kinda hated Five. That’s it. I liked him in general but some parts, I was so pissed off and just didn’t like. He was an asshole and I know he IS an asshole but it was beyond just being a grumpy old pisspot. And I don’t know really how to feel, because I know being 45 years alone and lost and then becoming the world’s best assassin or whatever will fuck your head up, so it makes sense. I just think there were points where he lost most of his humanity, and then he’d flip-flop back to a more caring being. I sort of just wished there was a clear definition to all of his thoughts and emotions on it all.

But at the same time his character makes sense so I don’t know how to feel??? Maybe I’m just pissed on how he treated Diego and shit. But I’m very very glad he’s not dead!!

ALLISON HARGREEVES…

Okay, I thought she was REALLY dead in that scene. You know the one I’m talking about.

Holy shit.

I was so scared. And also it was so sudden (and a little cool admittedly how Lila just threw it back at her like that - HOW DO I WORD thAT NON-SEXUALLY) and I was so fucking worried they’d kill her off, because I find sometimes her character comes off a little disposable. Not because I want her gone, more that the show finds her an afterthought and pushes her with someone or ‘silences’ her.

But overall I loved her storyline. I didn’t know if I’d like her just being married, it felt again like an afterthought and she was being pushed to be with someone, but the civil rights movement plot was really well done, in my eyes. I loved too the agony of having such impressive powers, but scared of the effects of doing so and also not wanting to be the person she was before. I felt for her and I was so impressed with her separating herself from her past, trying to push away from being the one who had it all and trying to be her own self. I think that this season did that really well, with all the characters and finding themselves, and I just...I want her to be happy, and successful and I want to see her find a way to use her powers without causing pain to herself or others.

And not be with Luther. Please, anyone who can do a thing about it reading this, do not make her and Luther a thing.

(also - emmy raver lampman is in general so goddamn talented and beautiful and i wish her the best. i just heard her rendition of satisfied and me oh my, that gal deserves so much more love, i hope this show catapults her career even more forward)

VANYA HARGREEVES…

Literally invented cottagecore.

Also, I love her.

I was so impressed with the way they handled her queer storyline. I was so worried about it, admittedly because television shows have a history of handing out stereotypical plotlines and not caring about the depth of them but dear FUCKING heavens, I loved this one. I cried like a baby, and yet I was left almost happy, at the end? Not happy, because they’re apart and Sissy’s stuck in a world that she can’t be herself in, but there was a beautiful bittersweetness that I adored about it. And it was realistic, and they didn’t just follow a trope and leave it there to wither up and die.

Vanya was adorable in this season and while I normally hate the amnesiac storyline, I think it’s an easy way out, I liked it here! Because yeah it was I guess an ‘easy way out’, but it worked and it made Vanya be able to be here and actually start over. I didn’t want to see her so burdened with who she had been and who she was forced to be, I wanted to see her smile and dance and love her siblings and she could and I couldn’t be happier. I mean, when she was just saying how she loved her family and her family was amazing...obviously it’s funny cause the family’s so messed up, but she meant it and I just want so much good for her.

I just love how they naturally developed the idea of the Hargreeves genuinely liking each other. This season really brought them together but unlike the first, it wasn’t necessarily because they had to, but because they wanted to. And I think Vanya did that for them.

Basically...I don’t know how to put it all into words without making this a 70-page thesis essay. But I love her and want the best for her.

(side note - I really also was impressed with Harlan. I was scared that somehow they were going to do something stupid with him, but he was adorable and I loved him. his character made me tear up a little, too. as someone who has close family with severe autism, it’s rare to see a show that doesn’t make an upsetting and non-accurate portrayal out of someone on the spectrum. but he was so precious and smart and good and Sissy loved him and dammit, I would die for that little family)

I’m ALSO curious if Vanya’s gonna visit Sissy ever? I mean I thought she would have at the end but obviously the cliffhanger didn’t leave room for that...idk know though because I think with multiverse theories and whatnot, she wouldn’t even know her but...eh.

KLAUS HARGREEVES…

I don’t actually have much to say on him, which is shocking because in Season One, I could have written a whole book on his character. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t love him! He’s still one of my favourites, and I wish I could just take away his pain because that boy deserves at least a kernel of good in his life. But truly, there’s just not much I know to say about him??

The scene in the restaurant with Dave and his uncle though hurt. What hurt more though was his nonchalant nature about it, because he’s been through that so many times and he almost expected it, which hurt. It’s expected and I knew he couldn’t just waltz up to Dave and confess his love and they’d be dandy, but as a queer person, it was a punch to the heart just watching him go through that.

I just want him to be happy someday, and bond with his siblings because there’s a deep sadness that lurks with Klaus, and maybe it’s from the actor too but there’s a melancholy that I relate to, which I hate because that melancholy is a heavy burden to carry. A worthlessness, and a deep depression that he’s seemed to have fallen into that’s a bitch to climb out of and I’m scared that he won’t be able to. He covers it up in funny gestures and vices but it’s still destroying him. Even the cult - he lacks any real love and he finds it in meaningless places, never remembering their names or anything about them and coming off as an asshole when really, he’s just looking for someone who truly cares about him, who he is on the inside and listens to him without yknow, becoming brainwashed and treating him like a god.

I’m interested to see where the show takes his character.

BEN HARGREEVES…

This show really said fuck my feelings on this one, huh???

EPISODE NINE MADE ME SO NUMB AND SAD AND JUST - FUCK.

I cried so hard when he got to save the day. He finally could do more than just follow Klaus around, and he finally got to be more than their dead brother. For so long, Ben was just an idea, a memory and I can only imagine the pain of having to deal with that. They touch on it in the show but it’s so much deeper than just being alone with only Klaus to talk to - I mean Ben was literally nothing, to any of the others, aside from being their dead brother. And when he finally got to save them, and save Vanya and fucking HUG HER AS HE PASSES ON TO THE AFTERLIFE….when I tell you I sobbed....

And his hug with Diego, how HAPPY they both were….the way that they both just….:’((

And that scene with young Klaus and Ben....Netflix when I said I wanted more Ben content I don’t know if I meant THIS.

At the same time...it was beautiful and bittersweet because he was happy, almost, moving on to his next life. He was able to do what he needed to and move on and that was beautiful. And, he got to say goodbye to at least some of his siblings, and so I can’t truly be sad about his passing. Even though it made me sob like a newborn babe.

But also...what the fuck was that ending?

And by that I mean, who the fuck signed off on that stupid lil’ haircut??? HUH???? WHY DID HE LOOK LIKE HE WAS WEARING FUCKING FAKE BANG-CLIPONS AOIHWGOIHWOIWHOIGWH

IN CONCLUSION. Fuck Reginald Hargreeves and also just FUCK.

In conclusion, I really loved this season. It ended happier than I expected and that makes me happy, so much more happy then I thought I would have been. TUA has been one of my favourite shows, and I’ve over the past while waiting for S2, developed several strong loves for these characters. More than I’ve ever cared about others. And for the most part, they were given the justice I hoped they would be.

Overall, I am happy. And I hope we get season three, almost entirely just so I can figure out if Ben Hargreeves is wearing fake-bang clip ons or not. And also...like for everything else.

Also, what the fuck is a Sparrow Academy? Whomst??? And where’s miss Lila?? And are they technically related and if so HUH?? And also...no rights to Mr Reginald.

This is such a messy summary, lmao.

But let me know what you think! I’m going to rewatch it soon, probably tonight and I’m so excited to fall even more in love with it. (and them)

#tua #tua spoilers #the umbrella academy #the umbrella academy spoilers #diego hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #ben hargreeves #allison hargreeves #luther hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #lila pitts #raymond chestnut #umbrella academy

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calzona-ga · 3 years

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Warning: This post contains spoilers about the March 11 episode of Grey's Anatomy.

In a season where Grey's Anatomy has nearly lost multiple doctorsto COVID-19, its latest shocking death had nothing to do with the pandemic. After DeLuca (Giacomo Gianniotti) followed a sex trafficker out of the hospital, he was stabbed, a wound that Hunt (Kevin McKidd) and Teddy (Kim Raver) thought they'd repaired in surgery. But before the episode ended, Deluca was dead, getting a peaceful farewell with Meredith (Ellen Pompeo) on the beach and a heartwarming reunion with his mother.

EW spoke with Grey's showrunner Krista Vernoff about how his death came together, and where the show goes from here.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: Where did this story come from?

KRISTA VERNOFF: It's like a story that told itself to me at the very beginning. At the very beginning of this season as I took a walk on the beach and asked: "What are the stories? What are we doing?" These episodes came in whole cloth. This is what I came into the writers' room knowing. I didn't like it and it made me mad and it made me cry even as I imagined it, and I will admit that multiple times as we were writing the season and even as we were shooting these episodes, I came into the writers' room shouting and crying like, "Really?! This is what we're doing? I think I'm chickening out! I think we have to save him, you guys!" [Laughs] Me, the fan, wants DeLuca to live but the storyteller, I follow the stories where they want to go.

When you say the stories came in pretty complete, did you all have to decide how you were going to kill DeLuca, or was that part of the initial idea?

There was no decision to kill the character and then discussion of how are we going to kill him. There literally was an entire imagining that came into my head of DeLuca following the sex trafficker out of the hospital, following her through the city, refusing to let up, and being punched in the stomach at a certain point by some colleague of hers who he didn't see coming and him dropping. You think he was punched and then you realized he was stabbed and that moves into Grey's Anatomy and he visits with Meredith on the beach. The whole thing downloaded and I was like, "Oh my God, we're killing DeLuca?" That's how it happened. Nobody wanted to kill DeLuca. I didn't want to kill DeLuca! But when I came in and said, "You guys, this is the story," everyone went, "Oh yeah, that's the story." We wanted to honor the fact that we didn't feel like we had completed the storytelling of the sex trafficking [plot] and this felt like the story.

It is truly shocking what's going on out there right now with sex trafficking.

It is shocking what is going on out there! And Giacomo is very involved on the frontlines of this situation, so when we first started to tell this story last season, he was so excited and so grateful that we were going to raise awareness in this way. So when I told him this story, he was kind of happy. He was thrilled that DeLuca was going to die in this brave and noble way that is also going to continue to raise consciousness on this subject and also thrilled that we were being very careful that he was not going out as a result of his mental health crisis, that he went out as a result of his courage and his certainty that someone had to stop this woman.

There's also power in having someone die from something completely unrelated to COVID-19 this season.

That's what I was thinking about when these stories came. I was preoccupied with some tragedies that I was reading about that were entirely unrelated to COVID. My whole body was like, "Wait! This isn't fair! COVID is big and bad enough, really, someone's sister just died of cancer? Really this person's house just burnt down?" It felt so wrong and sometimes that's what the world does, sometimes there's tragedy upon tragedy and I think we all experienced that this year.

I also want to touch on the beach of it all. Unlike with some previousGrey's deaths, you all were able to show him a bit in the afterlife, if you will. What was that like for you to get to create those moments?

The opportunity to imagine that with death comes reunion is this thing that we had never done on this show in that way, and to find new ways to say goodbye to characters that allow you to grieve and be devastated and also overwhelmed with your own sense of, "Oh my God, who would be on my beach?" I think it's a gift. I love it and I'm grateful for it. I love that beach. I've had people say to me, "That beach has put me back into therapy, Krista." [Laughs],

The beach is the place to have all your feelings, especially when DeLuca says something like "I had plans."

I will tell you that it has been therapeutic for me. I wrote all the beach scenes. That's what I did this season. I sat down and I wrote all the beach scenes like a play. And I love it. I love the play. I love the beach. It feels powerful and beautiful and that sandcastle scene, it felt like we're all getting to process our collective grief together through that beach. For me anyway, I'm getting to process my grief, my hopes, my relief. What I said to Giacomo at the table read for this episode I think is the truth. I said, "Thank you for playing this character so beautifully and so powerfully that we all get to feel our collective grief through the loss of him." I think there's a reason we cry as hard as we do when he goes and I don't think it's just DeLuca, I think it's all of it.

What can you say about Carina's (Stefania Spampinato) arc for the rest of the season?

It's a grief arc. That's her baby brother, it's devastating and she plays it, I have full-body chills as I talk about how beautifully she plays it. It's stunning.

I'm also concerned about Teddy. She thought she and Owen finally did something good together, only to have it ripped away. How is DeLuca's death going to impact her?

Powerfully. You are intuiting one of the major stories we're telling going forward, which is everybody has a breaking point and this might just be Teddy's. This story gives us an opportunity to begin to unpack what is untold still in terms of why she's done some of the things she's done in recent seasons.

#grey's anatomy #krista vernoff #17x07 #giacomo gianniotti #andrew deluca #ew #spoiler

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number5theboy · 4 years

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ALRIGHT

THIS SEASON

IT WAS A LOT

my liveblogged thoughts under the cut

Episode 1

· Exhilarating! I love Ben

· Ben already has more lines in these first five minutes than he had in the first season

· This montage is good

· ALLISON BABY

· Luther yelled for Diego first I love this

· Diego is immediately in vigilante mode…….hot

· THE SHOT PARELLING VANYA’S FIRST WORDS

· Vanya is a mess we love to see it

· The shot of Five’s feet hitting the puddle? So aesthetically pleasing

· The battle scene is such a smart way of reintroducing everyone’s powers and their Final Form™ succinctly

· I love Hazel. So much.

· The Umbrella Atomic Explosion™ is SO clever I love it

· ALRIGHT UNCHARTERED TERRITORY LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOO

· Oh Hazel and Five make me soft

· Agnes and Hazel had a good life

· Hazel is so dead

· Welp that took no time at all

· “How many times did I say bulletproof briefcases?” ily mister five

· I love the Swedes they’re stupid

· Are we ever gonna know what Agnes made Hazel promise?

· Five is honestly world’s best character

· FUTURE HEADQUARTERS

· “Well the truth is out there!” abkdkblhlkbkhl

· I shouldn’t make quick judgments, but conspiracy nut guy is nice and I hope he doesn’t turn out evil, because I also through Harold was nice in the beginning

· Diego got himself arrested already what an idiot

· Asddjgflkflhfl Diego’s problems all put out

· Okay, set-up for Diego’s character arc of self-actualisation we love to see it

· Lila is awesome, but I hope they don’t make her crush on him excessively

· Diego and Five is an underrated duo

· THEY ARE SO BICKERY

· Five is jut gonna murder him sometime along the way

· I LOVE FIVE SO MUCH WHAT A LITTLE SHIT

· Oof Vanya is so cute in that outfit

· This scene perfectly encapsulates women having to listen to men

· VANYA’S GOING TO MILFTOWN Y’ALL

· I cannot tell white men apart, does Carl look like conspiracy nut guy or is it just me?

· As usual, Ben and Klaus are bad at everything

· “neither does your beard” icon Ben Hargreeves

· I support Ben pummelling Klaus

· I passionately hate the beard and love the coat

· Why do all the white men look alike, I thought this poker dude was a Swede

· I KNEW BEN WAS LYING

· “Pick a better time to self-actualise!”

· I still hate the beard, let’s see if it grows on me

· Yusuf Gatewood………….hot

· By far the hottest couple so far in TUA

· Please tell me she’s not still hung up on Luther

· Yes she is goddammit

· The moon thing is cute though, I can appreciate that

· Luther finally gets a well-soundtracked fight scene I love it

· OI THAT WAS BRUTAL HOLY SHIT

· Oh Luther is pulling a Five in feeling bad about his excessive violence

· I already hate his boss

· Raymond marry me pls

· Allison marry me pls

· OH MY GOD VANYA LAUGHED

· Sissy and Vanya have excellent chemistry

· Oh I see the deliberate parallel with Vanya, Umbrella Academy, you aren’t fooling me

· SWEDISH ASSASSINS BABY

· Do you think they’ll say a single word or?

· Literally the only way this show knows how to signal danger is through flickering lights

· Two bopping fight scene and Five hasn’t been in any of them

· Lila and Diego have no braincells between them it’s beautiful

· Alright, she knows how to fight……..supicious

· If this show wasn’t so hellbent on making Luther and Allison a thing, he would be best ace rep

· Lmao “I don’t give a shit” I love you Luther

EPISODE TWO

· ALRIGHT THE HANDLER IS BACK???????

· Okay so Hazel and Cha-Cha are dead but that pestilence still runs around??? Bruuuuuuuuuh

· Kate Walsh is still hot though

· AJ??????

· THE FISH SMOKES?!?

· God the Commission is such a capitalist hellhole

· Oh there we have 743

· H E R B

· Okay I am here to see her humiliated but please no redemption arc for her

· I love the deliberate parallels between Five and the Handler

· “Like a masseuse?” IDIOTS

· Oh Five is so lost and vulnerable baby boy

· Also the character developments in Luther!!!!!

· “Dad should’ve left him on the moon.” Five is, simply said, an icon

· Oof Sissy is SO cute

· I’m already not ready for Five to find Vanya

· Lila is so extra can we keep her

· Great now I have sympathy for Carl

· Luther’s new outfit looks so good on him

· OH LUTHER IS THE FIRST ONE TO SEE HER

· Well that was dramatic and didn’t lead anywhere

· Alright two episodes in, Civil Rights plotline hasn’t been fucked up yet

· WHAT THE FUCK IS THE SWEDE DRINKING SO CONSCPICOUSLY

· ELLIOTT IS THE NAME OF MISTER CONSPIRACY

· “cousins on my robot mother’s side”

· “Imagine Batman, then aim lower.”

· Lila is great I love her

· Diego is gonna throw both Five and Lila through a wall at some point

· Five is so ready to throw Diego under the bus

· Klaus Hargreeves, world’s worst cult leader

· ……….did Klaus built a cult on pop lyrics?

· Klaus and Raymond bonding I love it

· DIEGO AND FIVE BEST TEAM

· REGINALD IS THE UMBRELLA MAN

· OH LUTHER IS GONNA FIND HER HOLY SHIT

· THE BARN FROM THE PROMO PICTURE

· This scene is so good

· “You shouldn’t be the one to apologise.” I’M GONNA CRY

· Tom Hopper and Ellen Page are so good in this scene

· WHY DID HE LEAVE

· What the flying fuck is up with the Swedes

· BRO WHAT THE FUCK

· Is Five ever gonna bring up the fact that he was supposed to kill Kennedy or?

· Raymond is wasted on someone who doesn’t give him her whole heart

· What the FUCK, Klaus

· Why does she remember her name tho

· The violin starting up when she talks about the callouses on Vanya’s hands

· Brotherly bonding is my new favourite scene

· Do the filmmakers know that your scene can be suspenseful and well-lit

· Okay maybe baby Pogo is cute

· There is gonna be no Five murdering spree, the blood is solely from Pogo

· Next well-soundtracked fight scene

· The choreography of this!!!!!

· Man Reginald is a shitty dad before he even becomes a dad

· Diego cannot catch a break poor baby

EPISODE 3

· SHITTY WIG ON KLAUS ALERT

· THE LEVITATION IS BEN I HATE THIS

· So far, all title card umbrellas have not disappointed

· You are running in a straight line you really should hit her

· Yep, Watchmen flashbacks

· Luther remains cute and awkward

· THEY ARE TALKING TO EACH OTHER BABY

· S E Q U I N S

· SNEAKY LADY ALLISON IS BACK

· FINALLY

· A HUG

· Allison and Klaus are so cute

· What in the goddamn Looney Tunes is this outfit lady

· WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU LADY

· ALLISON HARGREEVES YOU QUEEN

· This spooky ghost show is great

· Everyone going off on Five is great

· @ this show stop ripping Vanya and Five apart and let them be soft

· Diego is so naked this entire season

· Diego and Lila are a good dynamic

· Elliott is a babe I love him

· The Handler continues to be creepy about Five

· So much driving

· Luther is baby and Raymond deserves better than to deal with all the baggage from all the Hargreeves brothers

· HE SHAVED THE BEARD

· Ouch this is awkward

· I don’t get why they didn’t cast normal Dave to play young Dave they’re not that far apart in age

· Oh he’s gonna have to let Dave go

· Oh this scene must be so triggering

· Oh shit’s bad and it’s only episode 3

· PUPPY???

· WE WERE RIGHT ABOUT LILA

· WHAT DO YOU MEAN THANKS MOM

EPISODE 4

· Oh my god the Handler is pure fucking evil

· She learnt the fighting from her mom alright

· THE RED BOOTS WERE THERE ALL ALONG

· Man I hoped that the antisemitism was gone

· Vanya being protective of Luther :’)

· Luther only has shitty father figures

· I can’t believe they were better organised last season

· Why do you hate the Vanya/Five dynamic so much, show?

· Five got an extra dose of asshole today this season huh

· Reggie is probably the twelfth

· Oh boy Klaus is a trainwreck

· That marriage is also a trainwreck

· I understand Ray though

· Why is there Styx on this soundtrack

· Oh Klaus baby

· GALA NIGHT BITCHES

· Five is a smart young old man

· Oh baby is eating his heart out

· Oh the hug makes me soft though

· Honestly, Tom Hopper and Emmy Raver Lampman have such cute chemistry

· AWKWARD DARLING MAN

· “Doomsday” *nervous chuckle*

· Ballroom lessons as kids

· This is an excellent dance scene

· OH MY GOD MOM WAS MADE AFTER A REAL WOMAN

· THIS SHOW MAN THIS SHOW

· Reggie is gross

· Diego’s mommy AND daddy issues are put on blast this season

· Sissy is such a babe

· Man we got budget BUDGET for this season

· Alright, the white violin can revive people now cool cool cool

· How different her powers are when powered by love

· I love Elliott I hope he survives the eason

· I am down for Luther and Elliott getting high together

· LET’S GO LESBIIIAAAAAAAAAANS

· God Allison and Klaus make me so soft

· I am very supportive of Elliott and Luther becoming bros

· You already shanked one son, go poker stick another one

· YES EXCELLENT FIGHT MUSIC

· They both?????? Just left him to fend for himself??????????

· Ancient Greek??? Bitch what

· This show is rated for violence and we have barely seen any!!!!!! What!!!!!!!

Episode 5

· Okay baby Pogo and Grace is adorable

· Why is Pogo in space now

· THEY KILLED POGO

· AGAIN

· Hargeeves got a hug before Five did what the effing fuck

· He might be a dick but his instincts are good

· Haha old cowboy

· Ben is so done

· Vanya……..Sissy……..my heart

· Wow Reginald continues to be a massive arse

· Luther/Diego/Five are DUMB and I love them

· “No, bro, he shanked your heart.”

· God the Handler!!!!!!

· THE MUSIC AT THE REUNION

· We didn’t even see Five reunite with Allison and Klaus!!!!!

· GOD WHAT A SISTERLY UPGRADE

· KLAUS VANYA AND ALLISON HUGGING

· Allison and Diego rights babey!!!

· Are the Swedes ever gonna say something or

· LILA AND FIVE TEAM-UP LET’S GO

· I’VE MISSED YOU ALL SO MUCH I’M GONNA CRY BABY

· The red-blue dynamic in Luther and Diego I live for that

· Luther and Diego are gooooooood together

· What is up with that

· Klaus, Vanya and Allison are dumbasses and I love them so much

· Alright where are the Swedes doing and why is that tree so creepy

· Oh the youngest Swede just went tits-up

· Please tell me Five is finally getting a fight scene

· Excellent fight scene

· Great, now I feel sad for the Swedes

· They deffo have a cooler aesthetic than Hazel and Cha-Cha

· This cover is beautiful

EPISODE 6

· This wig looks better than Klaus’

· Also Ben has barely been in this season where is he at

· Oof Ray is so cute

· The Handler and Five have such good chemistry holy shit

· Diego, Luther and Vanya are a god-tier dynamic

· We love the CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

· BENNY BOY HAS A CRUSH

· Wait how is this only episode six I feel like this is already the pensum of the first season

· Clothing montage baby!!!!!

· God they look so good together

· Oh Allison can be RUTHLESS

· THE BINGO CARDS

· Oh no no no no I didn’t think Klaus and Dave could be even more tragic

· THEY TALK

· God she is so fucking creepy stop lusting after a child

· World’s most satisfying elevator shot

· This scene is chaos I love it

· God everyone just harps on Diego’s daddy issues jesus

· Oh baby no

· Oh babies no

· NO NOT THE DISSOLUTION OF TEAM ZERO

· Why are there so many antisemitic dogwhistles in this

· This scene between Five and Reginald is good

· NOT ELLIOTT

· Oh no no no no Carl

· Alright at least this promises a good fight scene

EPISODE 7

· This polka music bops

· Wait how did he get to 1982

· HE SAID FUCK

· Man Carmichael was out so quick

· No fish-eating?

· Awwwww Klaus and Ben have a heart to heart

· Oh God, Diego and Luther have no brain activity between the two of them

· That is a Look

· Oh this montage of Ben rediscovering touch

· The writing of this show was oddly prophetic

· Oh wait Vanya’s gonna be incarcerated too right????

· Oh this is heart-breaking

· Really?????? Ben’s the dorky one???

· Oh my god Ben is getting a hug and Diego is so soft

· Man why are Five and Vanya so antagonistic

· FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

· Dude a fight between them would have been so epic

· Diego

· You idiot

· Oh Allison really loves him and he loves her

· Oh I am so sad

· Yeah this episode is infinitely worse than the day that wasn’t

· FUCK YEAH BACKSTREET BOYS

· What the fuck

· Yo that is sadistic as fuck Allison what the flying fuck

· This scene might ruin the song for me

· There definitely was an easier way out

· They fucked it up

· I am not surprised

EPISODE 8

· Oh she speaks Russian

· Five just snapped and honestly deserves it

· Yeah I feel for the Swede

· What is it with commission assassins and axes this season

· “Your vagina needs fresh glasses.”

· Nepotism

· Oh Grace is turning on him baby!!

· Ha remember when we were all like ‘oh no they’re making Reggie sympathetic’

· Yeah so much for that

· Five and Luther are……..soft

· What the fuck is up with that

· AYYYY BUTTHOLE SURFERS ON THE SOUNDTRACK

· Oooooohhhhhhh trippy kid scene

· Also Reggie is bad at German

· I love Luther and Five so much

· We finally get to see older Five’s tie pattern

· Alright Lila makes me uncomfortable

· FIVE IS GONNA GO FERAL Y’ALL LET’S GO

· Man after the last rampage you’d think they’d upped security in this place

· Herb for president!!

· Some catch Diego’s ego is going berserk

· Oh not again

· Dot is a rebel now

· Everyone is ragging on Five, even Five

· This is so trippy

· Oh yeah the brains. Forgot about those.

· I……….sad

· Oh my god oh my god oh my god

· Of course it’s all the government’s fault

· Love how they just walked into an FBI building

· Bro what the fuck is going on

EPISODE 9

· Allison is always there for Vanya and I love her

· Hello Klaus and Diego are so cute

· Oh my heart you go Klaus

· So much for that

· BUT BEN

· YOU ARE CLIFF-HANGERING BE INSIDE AN EPISODE

· Crazy Five is an idiot I love him

· “I’m the daddy here” is not the gazelle, but it’ll do in a pinch

· The 743!!!!!!

· Oh God, Harlan is in danger

· She loves him?!? You barely know the man!!!!!!

· WHAT’S ON THE PAPER

· Oh it’s her file

· HELLO LET US SEE THE FIVES TYING TO OFF EACH OTHER

· This continues to be trippy

· These visuals are so stunning

· This is my favourite scene so far, this is so good, this is an excellent talk

· NO

· NOT BEN

· “I’m askin’, Carl.” You go Sissy, love you, you’re doing excellent

· Alright, we have a mini-Vanya here

· Oh I hate the Handler so fucking much she is the worst

· What a plot-twist

· Oh god so much is going on in this season

· Oh we get fish-eating, but it’s not Five? That’s lame

· Why are they all so hell-bent on making stupid decisions

· Klaus you idiot

· Oh that SON OF A BITCH HARGREEVES

· What the fuck what is on the dark side of the moon

· What the flying fuck what the fuck what tebdjbdgkbjdsgkbjgsdjgnj

· WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE GOING TO WAR

EPISODE 10

· Oh the kids are back for Ben’s funeral

· I hate this

· Reginald is just. The worst.

· My emotions are all over the place

· Oh……..babies

· OH MY GOD DIEGO

· AND FIVE

· It wouldn’t hurt to go to an abandoned farm

· God this is a family of shitty choices

· I don’t want Ben to be gone

· FAMILY TIME

· Oh shit I totally forgot about the last Swede

· BRO THE STAKES

· YEAH THIS LOOKS BAD

· ALRIGHT Harland is gonna be alright

· All these assassins have shit aim

· HE’S MATRIXING

· LILA’S ONE OF THE 43

· SHE CAN ABSORB AND REDIRECT THEIR ENERGIES

· ONE OF THEM ONE OF THEM ONE OF THEM

· Awwwwww they love each other

· Oh great THEY’RE DEAD AGAIN

· Oh now LILA will have to fix the timeline

· Wait now they’re all dead

· The swede to the rescue?

· Please tell me she’s dead for good this time

· We love a de facto protagonist saving everyone’s asses once more

· GO VANYA SAVE THE BABY

· Dot and Herb are precious dumbasses

· This is heart-breaking, but I understand Sissy so much

· WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS CLIFFHANGER

#tua spoilers #not that you'd understand much if you don't watch the episodes #personal #come yell at me in my inbox please

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trashcatsnark · 3 years

Note

1, 14, 19, and 30 for the ask game. I'm curious, especially about the last one

Ahhhhhh thank you so much for the ask, I really appreciate it, it was so nice to wake up to, thank you! 1. what radio station(s) do you listen to?

Personally, I switch around the radio stations a lot, i think the Vexelstorm(?) and Dirge are the two I flicker between the most. I like the rock music and having a chance of hearing Samurai tunes. One time black dog started to play while I was cruising the highway and it just had such a cool vibe; if only I hadn’t immediately crashed into a wall.

My V though, doesn’t actually fuck around with the radio much especially if someone else is in the car. She’s deaf, has been since around the age of 9, and while she uses hearing aids and can hear, even “listens” to music in her apartment (though she takes her hearing aids out and feels the music rather). But when she has hearing aids she sometimes feels overwhelmed by being able to hear, so she’ll keep music off to quiet, and when someone is in the car she prefers the radio off so if they talk its not two loud sounds at once. Ironically, given this, when she takes her hearing aids out to��“listen” to music, she prefers the loudest rock music because it provides the most bass and vibrations to feel it.

14. what quest/sidejob/gig made you happiest? (again, multiples allowed)

God, I have so many I can think of; I like the rescue gigs a lot, like saving Bugbear, Wakako’s favorite netrunner, Hwangbo, the one where you save the doctor (there are actually technically two doctors you save in two different quests i realized). Those make me really happy, because they’re kind of a reminder that the work V does is not all thievery, revenge, and dealing with dark shit. I love the monk mission, um seeing that poor monk with the forced implants made my heart shatter, so being able to help him and his brother made me really happy. The Ballad of Buck Ravers made me grin because its one of the ones thats just pure fun and seeing how Johnny interacts with V. I love the boxing missions, especially with Cesar the Valentino and that I can choose to help him out because lbr he needs the cash and car more than V does. Delamain and his quests makes me happy. The only other one I’ll say (tho I do like a lot of gigs and side missions) is probably a specific Cyberpsycho one, where the game just takes a sudden hard dive into horror which I love. Cause its like a maelstrom cult and you’re investigating corpses in a bloody pentagram, as you start hallucinating the cyberpsycho, who then comes out of a ice filled tub in the center. Like it has an energy to it that I just fuck with.

I’ll project and say my V is in a similar boat of liking the rescue missions, she likes feeling like she can do some good in the world despite being a merc. She also likes the ones that are avenging people or helping folks; killing corpos who fucked people over, tracking down the raw bd of a boy who was murdered to help solve the case, and things of that nature where it feels like she might actually be doing something good. 19. how do you feel about revenge? is it a worthy fighting to achieve or something that sucks you in too deep?

This is all on my V, cause I feel weird talking about my personal feelings of revenge. Given her job, V has seen a lot of kinds of revenge and is often asked to be the one to deliver it. And there’s revenge she gets and revenge she doesn’t get. She’s actually far more selective with what work she’ll do and isn’t afraid to blatantly go against what she’s suppose to do in order to do what feels right. Which sometimes pisses off her fixers, but they begin to understand that they just shouldn’t send her certain jobs. But she’s all for revenge against people who genuinely did wrong; because her logic is if she lets the corpo agent who killed an entire nomad family for scientific trials just go, the corpo will do it again. She sees it as taking them out before they can hurt others, like cutting out a cancer in society. But when it comes to shit like, go kill a guy for loving a girl in a rival gang???? No fucking way, she’s not killing someone for falling in love, eat a dick, she’s telling the kid to run. In terms of her personal life and revenge, she struggles a bit more, because when you add in your own feelings it feels a hell of a lot less black and white. And she sometimes struggles with the fact that her feelings don’t always make sense, she’s definitely not morally opposed to revenge and despite usually being more calm, there is always kinda this underlying layer of anger in her that when something makes that come to the surface she loses herself in it. She could have killed Dex, would have if she had gotten the chance, because he brought her into this mess, she vouched for him to Evelyn, trusted him as much as he supposedly trusted her; then everything went to shit and he threw her under the bus. She’d kill for that, for that hurt, that loss, that pain; it’d be revenge she’d get happily. Her nomad family for example though is more complicated...cause despite everything...she loves them, but they’re actively trying to kill her, that hurts but she can’t bring herself to be angry... or vengeful...just hurt.

30. does Rogue Amendiares scare the shit out of you or are you weird

Controversial take, I guess I’m fucking weird. I’m not scared of Rogue, yet, I feel I should preface. And I do project this on V, so take it as the answer for both of us. I feel like the two biggest things that contribute to Rogue’s ability to scare/intimidate is her social standing in the fixer community (which comes with power of course) and something Johnny says when you go to talk to her, that she can see right through you, don’t waste time lying. And the first aspect of that, doesn’t mean shit to me. Like, while I know Rogue was badass in the past and eventually is actively doing shit later on in game, the fact of the matter is fixers aren’t shit. Don’t get me wrong, most of them are cool people, and its nice to be hooked up with clients. But they’re getting a large chunk of cash for being a middle man who’s too big of a baby to go get their hands dirty. Like, fixers aren’t scary to me even if they’re powerful ones, like what, you gonna send someone else to axe me while you sit around??? terrifying, kill me yourself, coward.

As far as the other aspect of why Rogue is propped up to be intimidating, the idea she has built in bullshit detectors. I/my V don’t bullshit a whole hell of a lot at least not in the current context of how I’ve interacted with her (haven’t done tapeworm missions and her stuff with Johnny yet tho tbf). Like, i don’t have a reason to lie about needing Hellman, so why the fuck would I? However, if this bullshit detector also helps her pick up on emotional shit, like if my V tries to hide her feelings about stuff...thats gonna suck and be scary if Rogue like picks up on what V is really feeling. Because emotional vulnerability is a thousand times more terrifying than a fixer who could make V disappear with a snap.

*Small fun fact when I first did the Panam mission, Johnny told me I had balls to go ahead and do the mission without telling Rogue first which I didn’t even know I was suppose to do but also why the fuck should I, she sent me to do the damn thing, I gotta call her everytime I sneeze too????? How is that ballsy????

SORRY ONCE AGAIN FOR SUCH A LONG RESPONSE, BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK, I APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH!!!!!

#cyberpunk 2077 #aidan becker #cp2077 #c2077 #tisunii

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houseswolo · 4 years

Text

Day 1 - 'Tis The Season To Be Thirsting

"Look Rey, mistletoe! Join me... please!"

Aight, aight, here's kicking off the Thirst Order Advent Calendar, and our Thristies' showcase!

Azuwrite

(Tumblr: @ashtyntaytertot | Ao3: Azuwrite )

What got you into Star Wars?

It’s been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. We had Star Wars toys and products. My little brother and I used to fight with our toy lightsabers. I always remember my mom saying Chewbacca was her favorite too (it’s not her icon on Disney plus) joy

What made you a Reylo? Lightbulb moment!

I walked out of TFA HATING kylo Ren. Now, walking out of TLJ? A completely different story. The force bond moments definitely helped, but the moment that made me fall in love with Ben solo was when he chose not to kill his mom sob didn’t help that I had become a mom in that time haha

Why do you write / make art?

It’s a great way to get the creative juices flowing (hehehe). I have so many ideas to get out there! Not enough time though weary getting to write/proofread/make mood boards can really be a highlight of my day.

The Object of your Thirst…

Obi Wan Kenobi 😩 oof, that man is everything. Make sexual awakening if you will. So sassy, sarcastic, cunning, the accent, the eyes, the beard, the EVERYTHING. I may have a thing for ewan mcgreggor as well 👀

Favorite Adam look

Definitely the longer hair with the facial hair and leather jacket and plaid. My all time favorite is right clothes, especially t shirts👌🏼 yummmm

Favorite Adam role

Don’t kill me, but I’ve only watched two of his movies 🙈 I love Kylo Ren's character, of course, especially the bde moments 😩 stomp me! But Flip has got to be my favorite so far. He’s everything I love wrapped in a package. Love the mountain man, plaid vibes 👌🏼but Matt was my fav before Flip came along, so hilarious

Which part of Adam do you like the best? That’s like the worst thing to have to decide on 😩 it’s not physical but probably his voice. Mmmm so deep and weakens the knees! For physical, I prefer my boy swol. Gotta love them glorious TLJ titties 🔥

Favorite Star Wars Movie

So wrong that I have to choose! Haha. For the original trilogy-Empire strikes back. Prequel- I like both one and three, just...not two (sorry not sorry) 😂 and for sequel- hmmm gotta give it to TLJ. The throne room scene is hands down my favorite scene from Star Wars. Just chefs kiss

What do you like to write / draw / paint the most?

As far as physical artwork, I love doing all types and mediums so I won’t get into that haha but as far as writing; definitely found I prefer to write angst as well as crack (though that never starts as my intention 😂). I also adore making mood boards, just such a good time and relaxing thing to do when I’m in the mood for it!

Your TRoS prediction

Again, don’t kill me 😬 I want the Reylo happy ending just as much as anybody, but I’m not going to be surprised if we get shafted. This trilogy has taken so much from previous ones (especially the original), I just wish they were willing to take more risks. So my fear is that they’ll go the Vader redemption route. Aka kylo dies. I will be over the moon if we get what we want (and deserve) though 🙌🏼 fingers crossed!

If you were an aesthetic... (colors, images, feels....)

Bright rainbow colors coating a dark black center 😂 I’m definitely both vibes. I love dark things and creepy aesthetics, but I also love the cute and adorable side of things too 💕🌈☠️ I’m just a black cupcake with rainbow sprinkles on top

If you were a candy bar, what would your name be?

I wouldn’t! Not the biggest fan of candy, especially chocolate. Now, tacos, that’s a different story! They’re my favorite food in the whole wide world and people love them. I strive to be a taco

What's your ideal environment for writing / creating?

As quiet as possible. I’m slowly realizing that my attention span and focus is easily broken. I have a very hard time writing with any little thing going on, I start to get subconsciously anxious (playing with my hair like a mad woman). Unfortunately that means in a house with a newborn, a toddler, and a husband, I don’t get nearly as much writing done as I’d like. It can honestly be heart wrenching when I so desperately want to get my creativity out but ultimate can’t

Are you a dom or sub?

I’m a total sub, like, spank me please and boss me around 🙌🏼 BUT when it comes to blowjobs, I OWN that dick. It is mine and I will destroy you with an orgasm 😂

What's the most exotic/wierd place you've gotten intimate?

Well. I haven’t done anything too crazy. I’ve had my fair share of doing it in public places but just around the corner and out of sight. I did it in a kid's laundry room who was in my grade during a graduation party. (What’s funny is I had never spoken a word to that kid in my life and still haven’t lolol). Also, I lost my virginity in a tent during 4h fair right next to his best friend who was sleeping 😂 but I’ve only been with one person and that’s my husband, since I was 14 💕

What's your kink?

Uniforms. Police officers and firefighters are my jam. Ugh yum

Use three words to describe yourself

Loyal (the hufflepuff way). Introverted (I regret when I go out, I regret when I stay in, there’s no middle ground 😂). Caring (being a mom and wife has been the best thing in my life. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Even if caring for myself tends to slip in the process lol).

Meaning behind your nick / ID name

I met this raver kid who decided to give me a raver name (I have never been to a rave in my life lolll). He asked what my favorite color was and what I liked to do and that’s how Azuwrite came to be!

Are you a big spoon or little spoon?

I am easily a big spoon. I will spoon the crap out of my husband. I prefer my chest to be warm compared to my back. Plus you get to enjoy the smell of your significant other that way. Does that sound weird? 😂

Do you like it rough or soft?

Soft can be really nice but I’m definitely a rough and tumble girl. I love the hair pulling, pounding type sex with position changes 😂

Favorite toy

I have never used or owned a toy 🙈 I’ve never needed to and I have a hard time spending money on myself hahaha but don’t fret! This girl has perfected her masturbation technique, because I may or may not have been doing it for a very long time haha

Favorite fic you've read

Oof. It feels so wrong to have to pick 😂 I definitely have a top five favorites that really brought me into the fandom. Number one has to go to Berserk by Mallie3. She put so much time and effort into it and it shows! If you haven’t read it, go do it! It’s truly a piece of art

Favorite fic you wrote or favorite art you made

I have a top three for my favorite fics I’ve done, my first three. They have so much planned and lovingly created plot behind them. It’s truly unfortunate that I don’t have more written for them. It breaks my heart. Those are my superhero au, high fantasy au, and cowboy Ben 💕 as far as art, I have made wayyyy too many mood boards to pick one joy

Favorite SW character(s) besides Kylo and Rey

Obi Wan. Hands down. No competition. That man is bae and I will forever be his number one fan 💕💕

———

Drnucleus

(Tumblr: @drnucleus | Twitter: drnucleus | Ao3: drnucleus)

What got you into Star Wars?

My mom putting on the VHS since I was a baby. She was a fan and made sure I became one too!

What made you a Reylo? Lightbulb moment!The way he looks at her when she calls the legacy saber to herself in TFA.

Why do you write / make art?

Because no one else was gonna write kink fic that focused on the beauty of it instead of just the smut.

The Object of your Thirst…

Adam and Daisy (girl makes me question my sexuality)

Which Adam look do you like the best?

TROS. Also I like any of his looks from movies/tv

Which Adam avatar/ role do you like the best?

I love Paterson, but I think Ben Solo is my favorite.

Which part of Adam do you like the best?

Self deprecating humor and thoughtful answers to interview questions

Favorite Star Wars Movie

The Last Jedi and Empire Strikes Back

What do you like to write / draw / paint the most?

Romance, kink, comedy, science competence porn

Your TRoS Prediction

Romantic Reylo and a deliciously cheesy HEA

If you were an aesthetic... (colors, images, feels....)

Purple, green, teal, galaxy images and velvet textures with overstuffed comfort furniture

If you were a candy bar, what would your name be?

Nougatine

What's your ideal environment for writing / creating?

Comfy chair, music, tea or wine

Are you a dom or sub?

Dom

What's the most exotic/wierd place you've gotten intimate?

Back of a pickup truck under the stars.

What's your kink?

Communication and goddess worship, also anatomically on men, forearms, hands, eyes.

Use three words to describe yourself

Witty, driven and anxious

Meaning behind your nick / ID name

It was from a super hero name generator!

Are you a big spoon or little spoon?

Depends on my mood.

Do you like it rough or soft?

Also depends on my mood.

Favorite toy

Sex toy: the fainting goat vibrator, regular toy - my apple watch

Favorite fic you read

Unbidden by Perry Downing

Favorite fic you wrote or favorite art you made

Bedroom Hymns

Favorite SW character besides Kylo and Rey

Leia

cc: @tazwren @deadlikemoi @drnucleus @ashtyntaytertot @lostinqueue-ffa @my-jedi-life @shestoolazytologin @kaybohls @nite0wl29 @cosmo-gonika @wilsonthinks66 @roguesinside @areylofan @3todream3 @koderenn @queenoferebor @thereylowritingden @housedadam @house-crylo @houseplaidam

#writers #reylo fanart #reylo fic #reylo fam #reylo #reylo fanfic #reylo humor #artist

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nanonaturalist · 6 years

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When I were a lad I had the unfortunate luck to sit on on a yellow jacket nest, step on another a week later and then a hornet nest a week later. I developed a phobia and now my heart races even if a fly buzzes past my ear. I have done some emersion therapy by walking in a lavender field while honey bees were working.. but I still fear bee-ish creatures. I love them and I plant them flowers, but I want to be less afraid. What can I do?

Hello, @keepcalmandcarrieunderwood, I’ve been thinking about your question a lot, and this is a really hard one to answer. The obvious first step in getting over a fear of anything is wanting to get over that fear. When you have so many traumatic experiences so close together, especially when you’re young, it will take a lot of work to train your mind to be more comfortable around black and yellow striped things. So first off, congratulations on wanting to be more comfortable about our stripey friends! The good news is, you can do it!

Warning: wall of text precedes bug photos! Also this got Looooooong sorry (not sorry)

Fun fact about me: I have a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology (from way back in 2005). And one of my favorite things about studying psychology was learning about classical and operant conditioning. You are probably already familiar with both of these.

In classical conditioning, two stimuli are paired (they may or may not be at all related), and your reflexive, unconscious response to one gets associated to the other. This phenomenon was popularized with Pavlov and his digestive experiments with dogs (dogs salivate when a bell rings in the absence of food, because the bell has been paired with food many times previously). In your case, the two stimuli are actually very closely related (seeing/hearing things that might be stinging insects, and being stung by stinging insects). Because many organisms rely on learning quickly about danger for survival, it can only take one such pairing to develop a very long-lasting response to something.

In operant conditioning, behaviors are punished or rewarded, which can result in an individual’s behavior changing given the right circumstances. The behavior change is not necessarily conscious. A lot of interesting stuff in our brains happens outside of view from us. Say you look into a cactus flower once and you see a really cool beetle. Neat! You’re going to start looking into cactus flowers a lot more often. And if you keep seeing neat beetles, oh boy those cactus flowers better look out. Even if those flowers start turning up empty, you’ll still keep peeking in them for a while, even if you are in a situation where it’s really not appropriate to keep peeking into cactus flowers (apologies to people on my last guided hike…). I’ll get back to operant conditioning in a minute.

You may have heard about a common treatment for anxiety disorders called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I’m a big fan of this method, because it asks you to re-evaluate your thoughts, as you are having them, to restructure your gut reaction to a situation into a less emotionally-charged one. In other words, you have a fear resulting from classical conditioning–it’s totally reflexive and unconscious, and you had no control over the creation of your phobia. The problem is, phobias can become self-sustaining with the help of operant conditioning. Basically: Bee > PANIC! > flee > relief! The act of removing yourself from bee-like insects will give you relief from the fear, and makes you more likely to avoid bee-like insects in the future. But, you don’t want to be afraid anymore!

The trick is: turn your reflexive, unconscious responses into thoughts. This can be really hard–I have a lot of generalized anxiety issues, and I don’t always know what (if any) actual thoughts are making me uneasy. But I think it is easier to translate reflexes into thoughts for phobias, even if they aren’t always logical.

In the case of a fear of stings from bees/wasps, there are several angles you can take:

Learn more about stinging insects and their behaviors, and understand why they sting. Take fear and reshape it into curiosity, use what you learn to avoid getting stung.

Not all that buzzes is a bee. Similarly for yellow/black striped insects. There are lots of mimics out there, who look like a dangerous stinging insect to protect themselves, when they are totally harmless. Learn how to tell them apart, so know which ones couldn’t hurt you even if they wanted to.

Not all bees/wasps can sting! Males cannot sting, and some species are completely stingless.

Desensitization through Education

First off, you need to know a little about stingers. What are they, exactly? Well, they weren’t originally stingers. Before there were stingers, there were ovipositors.

Ovipositors in katydids. Left two: common conehead katydids; Right: lesser meadow katydid

Ovipositors are tubes that some insects use to lay their eggs inside something. Insects who lay their eggs in the ground (but who aren’t burrowing insects, like katydids) will use the ovipositor to make sure the eggs are safely tucked away from predators. Some insects go a step further, and lay their eggs inside another organism (these are called parasites or parasitoids depending on whether or not they kill the host). These insects will lay their eggs either in plant tissues (gall wasps and midges do this, and I wrote a post about galls a little while back [link]), or in animal tissues.

Various parasitic wasps, Superfamily Ichneumonoidea. I have no idea who these are at the moment. iNat links: [Photo 1 Link] [Photo 2 Link] [Photo 3 Link]

These parasitoid insects tend to be wasps, and they tend to have some pretty fancy ovipositors. The larger ones tend to parasitize caterpillars, and before you gasp and lament the plight of the poor helpless babies, remember that every living creature in nature serves a very important purpose. Caterpillars can absolutely destroy a vegetable garden. These wasps make sure there’s still something left for us.

These wasps do not sting. The painful sting is a result of venom, and these wasps with long ovipositors do not have a venom gland.

But, as insects are wont to do, if there is a niche, they will fill it. The inside of the caterpillar is claimed? Well, you can just lay your egg on the caterpillar instead. This is a lot harder to do. With a long ovipositor, you can just hold on, stick it in, and go. But if you need to lovingly affix your eggs to the outside of a wiggling caterpillar, you’re gonna have a hard time. If only there was a way to temporarily paralyze it!

Meet Netelia. This is a genus of Ichneumon wasp. Notice her ovipositor? Kinda short, huh? That’s because it’s a stinger [link]. She stings the caterpillar, which is paralyzed long enough for her to beadazzle it with eggs, and off she goes. I don’t know much about the evolutionary history of ovipositors and stingers, but somehow, some species started living in large colonies full of sterile female workers and a stingless queen who laid all the eggs (think ants and bees). If you didn’t reproduce, you could make some pretty scary and painful stingers to protect your colony! Also: this means that only females can sting.

And this brings us to the issue: some of them DO sting humans and it is not pleasant!

Bees and wasps are similar in that the notorious species tend to live in large colonies, but they sting for very different reasons. Bees are defensive (their stingers are embedded into flesh and detach from their bodies–a nice way of saying they rip their guts out and die), while wasps are offensive (they can sting many, many times, and will do it when they feel threatened even if they are not under attack).

Left: Western Honey Bee; Right: Apache Wasp

Why are they so different? Bees are vegetarians, so they have no need to kill for food. Their stingers are the last line of defense for their colonies, because every bee who stings will die. A colony can’t survive if all the workers die, but it also needs to protect the young and the queen. But these bees tend to make fairly elaborate hives which serve as a good line of defense in addition to the army of stinging workers. Bees will sting if you are actively harming them or the hive, even if you don’t realize it. Remember those ridiculous wide leg raver pants (hey, I said I graduated from college in 2005, stop looking at me like that)? I knew a guy who wore those all the time, and one day his pant leg managed to fall over a single lady bee, and she… uh… Well, she felt threatened. Let’s just say I laughed. Yes, as it happened. I regret nothing. Bees do not want to sting you.

Wasps are also vegetarians (wait, WHAT??)–at least, they are in adulthood. Wasp larvae? Carnivores. Those evil wasps killing other bugs and carrying them off are taking them to their nest. They will lay an egg alongside their prey, which is paralyzed to keep it alive until the egg hatches (terrifying, huh?). What a good mother! Some wasp species are solitary, and their nests can be safe underground. But paper wasps, which you are likely more familiar with, have their babies literally hanging out in the open. Their delicious, nutritious babies. They are so vulnerable! They must be protected!

Paper wasps. Left: Apache wasp nest; Right: Common paper wasp nest

The only thing between a hungry predator and the life of those babies are the valiant wasps sworn to protect the nest. If they sense something which triggers the “hungry predator” switch in their brain, they will attack. Is their nest pretty low to the ground? Are you TOO CLOSE? Look out! Is their nest HIDDEN IN YOUR BALCONY WALL and you bump the side while enjoying a beautiful spring day? Are you throwing rocks at the nest? Do you smell like a bear? I don’t know what triggers wasps, but the only time I’ve been stung was when they secretly lived in my balcony wall. Thing with wasps is, when they’ve had enough, they will come after you. They can sting you to teach you to STAY AWAY and fly back to their nest.

But, if you don’t set off “hungry predator” alarms, and instead exist in their world as “irrelevant scavenger,” you can actually get pretty close to them. I was lucky to find this Common Paper Wasp lady making her nest on the underside of a pokeweed leaf in my backyard two years ago. I took these photos with my phone. I was inches away from her. Sometimes I had a headlamp shining in her face. She never once came after me. I started to recognize her foraging around my yard for paper fiber (ever see a wasp hanging out on your wooden fence, or landing on grass or dried dead plants? they are collecting building materials!), so I could get a really close look at her nest and the eggs inside. Look in the cells in the nest in the top left and bottom right photos. Those little white things are her eggs!

So there’s a bit of a Catch-22 here. If you’re not afraid of wasps, come up to them curiously, SHOVE A CELL PHONE IN THEIR FACE WHILE BLINDING THEM WITH A HEADLAMP, eh, they don’t care. But if you are afraid of getting stung… what are you going to do? Calmly walk away? NO! You’re going to swat at it, flail around, run, scream, etc. All things a predator would do. Same thing with bees. Sometimes, they will land on you for whatever reason. Maybe you’re wearing a fluorescent yellow shirt and you look delicious.

All this baby wanted was some nectar, and from her perspective, I was *clearly* advertising that I had bountiful nectar reserves. If I was not aware that they see UV light, and that this is how they find flowers so quickly, and if I instead thought that bees hate the color yellow and will sting you if you’re wearing it (this is what I was taught growing up… *sigh*), I would have thought I was getting attacked, and would have started with the flailing. This lady, who thought she was coming for lunch, instead now has to start fighting? She’s gonna be mad.

There is a lot to know about bees and wasps. I do not know that much about them, but I think they are very interesting and I love learning more about them.

Mimics Can’t Fool You!

Wow that first section was long. How about some pictures of things that aren’t bees or wasps?

Hover flies! Top: Left - Eupeodes sp.; Right - Copestylum sp. Bottom: Left - Palpada agrorum; Right - Yellow-shouldered Drone Fly

Longhorn beetles! Top: Neoclytus mucronatus (both photos) Bottom: Left - Zebra Longhorn Beetle; Right - Painted Hickory Borer

Robber flies! Left: MacQuart’s Bee-mimic Robber Fly; Right: Beelzebub Bee-Killer

Moths! Left: Sphinx moths; Right: Clear-wing mothsI know, I’m cheating a little here. These are specimens in the Texas A&M University Entomology Collections. They have an open house every January and it’s AMAZING!

Bee flies! (really!) Left: Poecilanthrax sp.; Middle: Exoprosopa fascipennis; Right: Villa sp.

Some clear take-aways here: (1) Flies are very into bees(2) Looking like a bee/wasp is a very successful survival strategy!(3) If it looks like a bee… it’s probably a fly (unless it’s actually a bee)

Stingless Fakers

There are two major groups of bees that don’t sting–Tribe Meliponini (Stingless Bees) and Family Andrenidae (Mining Bees).

Admittedly, I have not seen many of these. The two Meliponini species I saw were in Malawi (Africa), and those are the two photos on the left. Far left is a group going to their hive (they can make honey, too!), and center is a different species in their nest (a wax tube on the side of my cottage). These bees are so tiny you’d think they were fruit flies! Right photo is from West Texas, Mining Bees in the Macrotera genus (I love them! Little Valentine butts!)

BUT! There is another fairly common group of stingless bees: MALES. No male insect can sting (they can bite if equipped, but remember, stingers are modified ovipositors!). You may never see a male honey bee, but here’s what they look like:

Not the best photo, but you can see he’s shaped… kinda weird? His eyes are HUGE, which is probably the easiest way to tell him apart from the females.

You are more likely to meet a male Carpenter bee, however. How will you know a male carpenter bee?

Male Eastern Carpenter Bee above. I read the males have a white patch on their face (look! his nose!), and there were some other features, but really, WHITE! NOSE!

Another Carpenter Bee I see at home (and NOTICE because … well you’ll see in a minute):

Xylocopa tabaniformis Carpenter Bee. Many apologies for the TERRIBLE PHOTOS. These were from my phone before I had a Real Camera and they only *just came back* this year and I am way behind on photos sorrryyyyyyyy

Anyway, I don’t know how to tell the females/males apart visually (or if you even can). And this photo may very well be of a female, who knows. But the way you know the males: They will get in your business. That’s why I call this section “Stingless Fakers.” It’s because of these. I love them. This pink bush is right outside my front door. I walk around it to get to my car in the morning. And in the summers, there are always a few of these buzzing around. And the males are interested in protecting their (small underground) colonies, so they will COME UP TO YOU to see if you’re a threat. Or maybe to intimidate you because THEY ARE A BEE THEY COULD STING LOOK OUT!

Carpenter bees are distinguished from bumble bees by not being as furry. Carpenter bees will have shiny abdomens. Bumble Bees should be bumbly furry.

ANYWAY IN CONCLUSION Bees/Wasps are interesting, not everything is a bee/wasp even if it looks like one, and they don’t all sting. I wish you the best of luck in facing your fears and buzzing back at bees and hornets in triumph.

Posted (finally–sorry!) May 31, 2018As always, all photos are mine and most were taken in Texas. Exceptions are Netelia and Meliponini from Malawi.

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shinrakirigaya · 7 years

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Hello this is my bio for gradient some of it is non canon for exple his story belongs to me and all but the baby drawing of gray is mine :3 The baby picher of ink holding gray belongs to @rainbowsixwolf Gradient Drama CQ Nick Name: Gray, Grad Combo of: Ink- @comyet and Error @loverofpiggies Creator: @askcomboclub ---Stats:--- HP: 36 ATK: 17 DEF: 16 ---Biographical informashion--- Species: skeleton Gender: Male Age: 14 Date of birth: March 5th Hight: 4'6" (so smol, but growing slowly) ----Family---- (tenicly cannon if you add logic) Dad: Error Mom: ink Sister: PaperJam Half Brother: Bluescreen Half Brother: Palette Half Brother: Van Half Brother: Splatter Half Brother: Strike ----about me---- (mix of non and cannon) Roommate: Flip Closes Friends: Serif, Karma Loves: Geno, Mafia Crush: Nightmare, Horror, Error Likes: Digital Art, Scenery Art, Architecture, Pixel Art, Astronomy Dislikes: Insults, Being Surrounded by a Large Group of Strangers, Vegetable Oil, Dream, Blue, panic and asma attacts Hobbies: Creating, Drawing, Sketching, Traveling through the Multiverse, Star Gazing, Doll Making ---favoret food--- (non cannon) What does he like to eat?: Gradient, because he has more Error in him than Ink, he can eat normal food but he particularly has a sweet tooth. Also, at times he will destroy something and devour it’s code. This method is good for him in case he is really injured and it would take a long time for him to heal. Though, because he was born in the anti-void, it’s not a necessity for him, its more of luxury. ---Profile--- (cannon) Personality He is shy and wary when you first meet him, due to him being mistaken as error many times. When you get to know him, though, he is snarky, sarcastic and a bit ornery. ---Appearance--- (cannon) Gradient has greyish purple boans, red puples, turquoise "tears", similar to error, and green teat. His fingers are like error's. He wears a black and blue jacket, long brown pants, tiger print shoes and glasses. He has a red jacket tied around his waist, which holds a paper pad and a pen. ---Attakes--- (non cannon) Power's: ShapeShifting, Error blaster's, bone attake. Specialty's: Creating, healing Power's and Glitched shield ----Official description---- (cannon) Gradient is a digital artist who is in a constant cycle of creating and destroying. He can't help but make art but then he feels the art he did is not good enough and destroys it not long after. Spends a lot of time in the combo club art room. Is very shy and wary of strangers but once you get to know him he can be raver snarky and sarcastic. ----My description---- (mine) Hi im gradient and this is my story When i was born error was still the destroyer and ink the creator heck back then fresh was they protector but that's besides the point. I was born as you would expect in the anti void and neither new the outside world or the love of a parent. Error tried to kill me when he found out called me a glitch and as for ink he tried to look after me but everytime he sore error in me he would snap its never safe when they were together so i hid under tables and beds. When i was 7 i almost had a family ink and error came together and tried to raise me but it didn't last. They were yelling and breaking things i tried to stop them but ink struck me for the first time i ran to my room and started crying. I remember a surge of magic run through me as i started to create my first and only portel the floor glitched and polled me though i remember seeing there sad and desperate faces as they tried to teach me but it was too late. I woke up in the bata void and stayed there in that white abyss of 10 years until error found me again. I watched from my screen error and ink create a new family relaxing me with paperjam so i was reluctant at first there was so much i didn't know until i found bluescreen He's my half brother on errors side his dad is blueberry now let me tell you me and blue screen meet them and was fanboying all over the place i mean come on there the originals the most strongest people in the multiverse they like celebrities not to mentchen we ship everything we see and crash god we're nerds though i guess its also has to have something to do with the fact we had near to 0 contact to the outside world are entire lives. Were like twins it's amazing i found him in the files and brought him with me i also have another half brother his name is pallet on inks side his dad is drem pallet is in love with are cusin goth who is the son of death and geno geno and fresh snd are uncles by the way on errors side and we love them but not as much as paperjam loves fresh. Paper Jam is my little bit bluescreens older brother he was born of ink and error he never had to prove himself to them and they traded him like a son on day one so i guess you can say i feel envy for him but i love him and will protect him to my last breath. ---Gradients Lalaby--- (mine) safe and sound we wait in silence with nothing but are ink, with No one there to harm or hurt us, is in silence that we think, though time mean not, ill wait for you to hold you closs agine, for now im free ill keep you safe, and stare at the stares agine... ---Gradients Story--- (mine) Prologue Nothing is what I see. Silence is what I hear. Numbness is what I feel. Trapped in this never ending void of white is where I stay, alone and afraid. And yet, I’ve never been safer. I’m a glitch you see, an ERroR A BeInG ThAt ShOuLdn’T EXIST! Or at least that’s what I’ve been told, heck my own mother thinks I’m a mistake, welts my father tried to kill me more times than I can count. I do not blame them though it is their nature to hate me after all. I guess I have to explain, my father is called Error or the destroyer, and he is the one that goes around destroying AUs or alternate universes and as expected where there is Destruction there is also Creation. That’s where mom comes in, his name is Ink and yes I know but Gray how do to mails have kids, and there is a good answer to that as well, . . . Magic. Anyways ink is the one that creates the au’s in order to keep the balance. They are the opposite of one another, yin and yang, good and evil, wells one destroys another Protects and like everyone in this situation, they hate each other and fight whenever they meet. It was these two that created me. Half Destroyer. Half Creator. I am nothing compared to them, should I chose to protect in the end there’s not much my kind can do… Ten years I’ve been stuck in this empty void with nothing but my ink, dolls and creators pen, I cannot leave nor can I call for help. . . after all I doubt anyone remembers that I ever existed for who could ever love a glitch. The Escape I sit on the floor of the Bata Voids staring into the empty space of white, all knowledge of the outside world has forever been lost two mw, excepted for two things. “My name is Gradient and this doll in my hand is Error, my dad and one day he will find me, but why do I know that?…” I close my eyes as I try to think, a faint memory comes to mine or perhaps just a dream for something this beautiful could never exist is a world of white, a place filled with glittering lights and the face of a man I long to see. It was his voids I remember most, a song he sang to help me sleep once, if I remember correctly I became ill and he never left my side, for some reason I always wanted to know why he bothered if I’m just another glitch to him. But it was in this action that gives me some hope of escaping this hell. After all no matter where I hid or tried to run away, he would always find me. I get up for a split second before collapsing to the floor agile, all feeling in my legs are gone. I stare blankly as the ink that I tipped in my moment of carelessness and watch as the pitch black liquid engulfs the pure white floor. Tears begin to fall down my face as I try everything in my power to stay sane, I close my eyes as I began to sing the very same lullaby that man used to sing all thoughts years ago. “Safe and sound we wait in silent with nothing but are ink. With no one there to harm or hurt us in silence that we think. Though time means not I’ll wait for you to hold you close again. For now I’m free I’ll keep you safe and stare at the stares again…” A memory comes to me as I stare at my glitches hands. My father holding me close as he cry’s into my shoulder, repeating the same words as I glitch into this white abyss. “I don’t know where you’ll be but, I promise, I will find you and when I do will stare at the stares again for all long as you wish, I’m so sorry my so-” I never did get to hear the end of what he was gone say next. I sigh as I pull out my creator’s pen to see the worlds I’ve been dreading for years. “Low battery, exactly the two worlds I didn’t want to see right now.” I close my eyes as a glitches portal opened up in front of me. It was at that moment I know I was finally free. Chapter Three Lost child It was a normal day when I first learned about him, you see my name is Geno or as some might know me as Aftertale sans I am originally from a genocide run so I get kinda triggered from certain comments. Anyways as I was saying it was like any other day, on this day I was visiting my brother error and his wife? Husband…. Ima says wife ya that sounds right so anyways I was visiting my brother at his house in the anti-void. Now you might be wondering, what's the anti-void, well it's like the void but white. Though seriously the anti-void is a big white endless space that error resided alone. Now a daze it's much more noisy. You see in the past error used to be known as the destroyer of the AUs but that was before he met ink, sure they fought a lot and tried to kill each other but know they're inseparable. Ink and error fell in love and like any love story they got married and had a kid named paper jam, I for one like Paperjam he's a cute kid though I find it weird how he has a crush on my brother who is his uncle and what makes it even weirder I think fresh likes him back. Shakes head. that’s off topic though, so as I was saying, I was visiting my brother when I found that photo. I was sitting on the sofa with error when ink asked me to grab an art book from the cupboard for him. So like any kind person I got up and went to the cuboid, but as I was getting the book I knocked over what seemed to be an old photo from. When I picked it up I knotted that the glass what cracked that must have happened in the fall. On closer inspection I knottiest it was a pitcher of error holding what I assume was paperjam. But there was something off about it, unlike paperjam this baby didn't have ink splat he also had box like blue markings on his gray bones unlike paperjam. This got me thinking that this must be someone else kid, so as the cuross and concerned older brother I decided to ask error about it. I closed the door of the cupboard and made my way to the sofa pitcher in hand as I poke errors cheek, Error turns and faces me with little annoyance. “Is there something you need geno?” he asked me in curiosity. “I was wondering if you knew who this baby is considering that you are in the pitcher.?” I handed the photo over to error and sit in wait for any reaction. Error looks at the photo amused by genos curiosity but the more he stares at it, the more his grin starts to fade. He looks at the photo with dread almost like he regretting something. I continue to watch him as he places a hand on the photo over the child face like he's trying to physically touch the child in the image. Curiosity takes over me as I asked him something I know he didn't want to here. “You do know this child right?” My eyes widen as error starts to cry holding the photo close to his chest. I pull him into a comforting hug, rubbing his back to calm him down. “Hay now it's OK, you don't need to tell me if you don't want to” Error shakes his head. “on its not right that you don't know him it's just we've kept this secret for so long…” “You can tell me anything brother, i'm here for you” I place a hand on his shoulder and give him an encouraging look. Error wipes the tears from his eyes as he stares at Geno. “The child in the photo… the reason I know him is that he is mine and inks child.” My eyes widen in disbelief. “you have another child with ink? Why did you never tell us and why did you need to keep it secret” Error looks down in sadness. “The reason we kept it secret is because I killed him…” I jump up in surprise and scream. “YOU DID WHAT TO HIM!!!” Error cried harder as he shakes. “i-it wasn't my fault, h-he just started glitching a-and then the next moment he was gone, I tried to find him believe me I did but ink… he didn't believe me I know he's alive out there I just need to find him I j-just DAMIT” “error pleases calm down this isn't good for you” Error hugs Geno. “Please big brother you have to find him m-maybe he's in the save screen i'll do anything just…. Bring him home” “i'll see what I can do…” Chapter 4 New Biggings ---Genos pov--- I have been searching everywhere and asking everyone i know if they have seen him, tho it was always the same… They iver didn't know who he was or didn't care because he was errors son. Eventually i tried to ask reaper to confirm if he was even alive and to my happiness he said yes, but then he went quiet. I asked him what was wrong and he told me not to go looking for that child because all he will bring is misfortune and death. I was horrified but not at the child but at reaper for trying to stop me from looking for my nefw. We fought and argued for days until he finally gave up and told me where he was but with a condition. If i bring that child back, then reaper and goth will leave. It was an almost impossible chose to make but i chose that child over my own family, so reaper took me to where the child lays. ---Gradients pov--- I flinch as i stare up at geno with broken gray eyes, he makes a move to come close but i scurry away as much as i can before collapsing again from lack of strength. After that he chose not to come closer instead he sat down and stared at me. I eventually build up the courage to speak and as my voice echoed in the white abuse i said. “who are you?” ---Geno pov--- I was shocked to see this child, he looked just like error but more pale and thin, it also looks like he hasn't slept in days. I move closer to pull him into a hug but he ran away almost like i was about to hurt him. I hesitated but sat down to try and make myself look smol and less threatening. It must of worked because moments later he spoke* “who are you?” “my name is geno, i'm your uncle” “u-uncle g-geno?” “yh that's right, you're safe now i'm gonna take you home.” I smile at the child in a comforting way as his eyes fill with hope and tears, then out of nowhere he hugs me in a accepting way and it was in that moment i know. I finally saved someone. ---Other Discripchion--- (not mine) Gradient is a teenager (14) and he tries to act older than he is(evident of his speech) but he HATES acting his age because he doesn’t wanna be seen as childish. He also has the unique ability that whenever he becomes extremely flustered/embarrassed, his form will start to bubble (much like a lava lamp) as his form starts to change from a solid to a liquid.When Gradient travels through the multiverse, like his father (Ink), he keeps an AU log. He likes to learn about the different AUs before his dad (Error) destroys them. When Gradient is with strangers, most often he might slip and act his age. However, when he’s with his friends or people that knows him, he will do his best to not act his age. Gradient doesn’t need to sleep (because he was born in the anti-void) but on certain occasions he will. Otherwise he rarely sleeps. When he does sleep he most of the time has nightmares Gradient has Haphephobia, like Error, he has a fear of touch. So strangers he ESPECIALLY hates touching him and even if you’re already one of his friends, he still doesn’t like to be touched but he will tolerate it. If Gradient were to receive a gift (and he has so we’ll use the MP3 Player for an example) he would selfish and NOT want to share. He would fear that it would be taken away and he would never get it back. (Kinda linking this to how Error was never around when he was a kid and he doesn’t want something precious, gift or parent, to slip through his fingers again. Plus he’s a teenager so its kinda natural for them to act selfishly here and there. Gradient has heard of AUs and timelines that have made it to the surface, but he has never encountered one before. He also is very naive. He’s not familiar at all with human things or the world above. (Ex: His friend Rip offered him cake once, and he didn’t know what cake was. He was asked if he owned a radio since he likes music but he didn’t know what a radio was) Gradient is also a pacifist. He does not like to fight. However, if the situation absolutely demands it, and if he is pushed over the edge just enough, he won’t hesitate to protect what he cares about. Even to this day, Gradient longs for Error to accept him as his son. He doesn’t hate him and he won’t ever be able to since that is his dad. Gradient doesn’t believe that someone can come to love him because he sees that he has so many problems that he doesn’t seem himself as a desirable catch. (His glitching, his eating habits, how he destroys his creations so willy nilly, etc) Gradient also has a fear of touching things that are nice or pretty because he feels that anything he touches could destroy at the slightest touch of his fingers. Gradient gets jealous of other people’s artwork and it may come to the point where he wishes to destroy their work. Gradient, despite being the eldest, still has a lot to learn about the world. He lived in the Anti-Void his whole life, so he knows nothing about Earth or any human or monster customs. He's very curious and not afraid to say what's on his mind at any given time: he loves to learn about the different AU's before Error destroys them, and keeps an AU log. He also has the unique ability that whenever he becomes extremely flustered/embarrassed, his body will start to bubble (much like a lava lamp) as his form starts to change from a solid to a liquid. Gradient loves to create, but is a perfectionist, dubbing his creations 'hideous' before promptly destroying them. ---Relashion ships--- Paperjam Paperjam is in the middle in terms of age, but definitely acts the most responsible. Gradient admires PJ's resolve and confidence in himself despite the odds being stacked against him. He tries to help PJ take care of Bluescreen and offer his support in times of need. They're very closely knit: Paperjam considers himself the protector of his brothers. Gradient is thankful to have PJ there. Bluescreen Bluescreen is the youngest of the three. Gradient likes to challenge him to contests and games to try and boost his confidence. He doesn't like seeing Blue lonely, as Gradi himself knows the feeling all too well. So he spends as much time as he can with Bluescreen, often asking him to help out with a project. Oftentimes their escapades get out of control, which ends in getting in trouble with Paperjam. Ink When Gradient was born, Error immediately rejected him, whereas Ink took him in. When nothing is too busy, Gradi likes to visit Ink in whatever part of the universe he happens to be in. They know all each others' ins and outs: they're very similar in personality. Ink likes to spend most of his free time with Gray, while Error fawns over Paperjam. Gray tries to include Bluescreen in as much as he can, which Ink deeply appreciates. Error Error hates Gradient with a burning passion, avoiding him as much as possible, and at one point even attacking him for visiting without permission. Gradi, on the other hand, wants Error's love and acceptance more than anything. He tries fruitlessly to prove himself. He wishes Error would love him, and is angered by the fact that he won't accept him. But despite that, Gradient still loves his dad, even if Error will always loathe him.

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gleeandshame · 5 years

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Jtv Chapter Ninety-Seven Semi-liveblogging

I have thought sometimes so might as well, under the cut for spoilers

I love Emmy Raver-Lampman. Broadway star, Allison Hargreeves, and hottie

I feel like they would have DNA tested the baby or ... hmmm, but I think she remembered what Mateo looked like

LOL if there’s some data embedded into Mateo or something.

I don’t want to feel sad so I’m making jokes

This is Mars stuff *yawn*

I hope this Clarissa franchise person is legit, and not related to crime, but...

HOW DID RAF AND THEM NOT THINK OF THIS, We the viewers did. But I guess whatever we’re seeing at a telenovela and they’r enot, blah blah blah

I’m very bi and the wife in the travel commercial is hot. The one in the bathtub.

Jafael has some right... when they’re reasoning that a baby swap is unreasonable

The narrator is not comforted tho. Hmph

I’m really anxious because I don’t know what the writers are putting Luisa up to....

what the f*ck are you gonna do this to me jtv...

I mean to be fair we wanted this more telenovela right but...

TBH i was surprised when they said a guru was a she. Like Petra just started in with a her and I was like oh? ALtho maybe it’s a known guru, but i feel like it’s gonna be something odd

*sigh* will petra ever know peace?

Even if Mateo wasn’t their bio kid it’s not different! DNA ain’t anything, if it’s true we’re gonna expand this family to include other Mateo, bring it ON!

Petra doesn’t need Clarissa........ eff you Maggie

“This river’s dam has burst” - why did you make me read/hear this

the new phone and alarm sound has got to be relevant.... but what

Oh ho hoh hoo, Jane saying Jorge, and Alba getting mad 👀🍿

I guess for the lyft joke

but man that tension, also yeah JAne you just talk about everyone’s business in this book... shiz gonna get rough, huh

Alba doesn’t want to know she’s a hypocrite that damaged her daughter and granddaughter’s view of sex

help.... river... win... another... emmy?

I really have low investment in this though

Jane should use a pen name. That way she doesn’t have to cut out Abuela ....................... is her pen name gonna be a Male Latin Lover............................................. I cracked it folks

Rogelio is gonna make the crew make a fake emmy’s night and make River thank Pond... I swear

Y’all gonna make sure mateo is actually in his room, unlike the time Raf kicked out Jane

I know Magda joke but... accessibility? Think about it Petra

Uh, Milos was supposed to be in prison, it’s not unreasonable for Jane to be worried about Rose, especially now that there’s six out there...

Great, now I have anxiety, altho hopefully it makes for something interesting

UNrelated: on a commercial now I hear it, Kohl’s has free amazon returns. How Inch Resting

OH, Jorge is gonna be nice all the sudden. Well whatever. I guess that’s better than him being a POS

Oh no, my first instinct was right, he didn’t want Jane working over there. Tender moment averted.

Oh or fine she just wanted to know what he said

Eh, I guess I can’t argue with this narrative since I have no experience with it

I forgot the timeline on this, but lol at that bedroom....... very Rogelio

okay i’m cackling, my throat is making ungodly noises at her friends being here

How much did they pay??

I think she’s around my age, and we ignore the time skip, so I think it pans out

5-star hotel, same difference. LOl at Pond’s hair

Gosh, I actually do hang out with friend from middle school like once a year, tho they’re not...... ppl I haven’t seen since then

okay, pond stole a boyfriend, headcanon is now bi, but also could go for she actually had a crush on Tay tay but didn’tknow what that was

oh here the phone shall come into play.........

OooOOoOooo. alba said the B word

oh okay, i was 90% sure she didn’t actually record anything but good for her. Also what an interface....

I thought Jane may pray about Mateo’s results, but we got the prayer in about her books crime story, lol

oooh boy

which Rose is Jane gonna speak to... we shall see

yeah knew it was about the outfit, good acting or framing i suppose

secret petra and alba team. good.

now that rogelio is EP can he get the crew who’ve been making these ridiculous sets like, huge bonuses??? PLease, I’m begging Rogelio to be considerate

Ro, you gotta let this show go. You want to be a good dad and husband. Is that not a nobler dream? There can be other things to star in...

Jane we know you can’t separate art from fiction, you keep writing autobiographically.....

a guard would not just come in...........

thank goodness. Krishna was just a little sneak peak of double crossing.

Of course they did have that with Raf and his brother. So, that’s fair

but this is... a bit anticlimactic ain’t it

Wow, they killed a gay boy for no reason. THEY WOULD NOT HAVE SHOT, they’re both white........................ lol that wasn’t my original point

They really wouldn’t have shot tho

WEll great, now luisa is in danger. But I guess maybe she did flee huh, since she knew it wasn’t a perfect plan.....

*sigh*

I mean I guess we get a good crime focus for the end.

#jtv spoilers #jtv lb #jane the virgin spoilers #these are honestly more for me than anyone

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x-heesy · 5 months

Text

∇IΣΠΠΔ CΩRΩΠΔ CΩUCH RΔ∇ΣR ∇3

I’m a raver, baby so why don’t you kill me? (With kiss ass)

Like a new breath, like a new desire

Like a new breath, like a new breath

I will explode if you do not change

Like a new breath, like a new desire

Like a new breath, like a new breath

Like a new breath, like a new desire

Like a new breath, like a new whoo

@frenchpsychiatrymuderedmycnut @bigbonzo @boanerges20 @cumpletelyhappythesecond

New Breath by Kap Bambino v3

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crestion · 7 years

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Bringing a child into the world without its consent seems unethical. Leaving the womb just seems insane. The womb is nirvana. It’s tripping in an eternal orb outside the space-time continuum. It’s a warm, wet rave at the center of the earth, but you’re the only raver. There’s no weird New Age guide. There’s no shitty techno. There’s only you and the infinite. I was born two weeks late, because I didn’t want to leave the womb. When they finally kicked me out, I was like, oh hell no. I’ve been trying to get back there ever since. Day one on earth I discovered how to not be enough. According to my mother, the doctor who delivered me said I was pretty. I wanted to believe him, because I love validation. Validation is my main bitch. But I was not the type of infant to absorb a compliment. Had I been verbal I would have extended a compliment in return so as to assuage the implicit guilt of my own existence rubbing up against praise. Instead, I created an external attribution. An external attribution exists to make you feel shitty. It’s a handy tool, wherein you perceive anything positive that happens to you as a mistake, subjective, and/or never a result of your own goodness. Negative things, alternately, are the objective truth. And they’re always your own fault. The doctor’s perspective was only an error of opinion. He obviously had shitty taste in babies. If he’d called me ugly I would have spent the remainder of my time in the hospital trying to convince him I was hot. But he liked me. There was definitely something wrong with him. If you’re never going to be enough, it’s important to find a way to turn a compliment against yourself—to reconstruct it into a prison—which is precisely what I did. I decided I would have to stay pretty for the rest of my life. If I got ugly it would be my own fault. Don’t drop the ball. Don’t fuck it up. I was definitely going to fuck it up. Next they probably put me in a room with, like, twenty other babies. Immediately, I’m sure I compared myself to all of them and lost. The other babies probably seemed pretty chill about being on earth. They shit their diapers like no big deal. They just sort of effortlessly knew how to do existence. I, on the other hand, was definitely a wreck about being alive. Why was I here? What did it all mean? Things weren’t looking good. My first day on earth and I know I was already thinking about death. A lot. I was probably thinking about death enough to negate every future accomplishment, relationship, and thing that I might come to love with thoughts like what’s the point? and why bother? At the same time, I still can’t come to terms with the fact that I am actually, definitely going to die one day, as this might lead to the realization that I might as well enjoy my one brief life, and who wants that. The situation only got worse when my mother announced that she couldn’t breastfeed. More precisely, she told me later, I was “killing her.” Killing your mother as an infant is proof of one’s too-muchness. In the context of food and consumption, too-muchness translates into not-enoughness: your appetites are too big for the planet, and therefore, you probably shouldn’t be here. I was “killing” my mother, because I was sucking too hard. Less than twenty-four hours on the planet and I was already trying to fill my many insatiable internal holes with external stuff. I was trying to sate the existential fear of what the fuck is going on here with milk. I was sucking and sucking, but there wasn’t enough milk. There would never be enough milk. One titty is too many and a thousand are never enough. What I really sought was a cosmic titty. I sought a titty so omniscient it could sate all my holes. The world was already not enough, and I, of course, was not enough either. They gave me a bottle. As a result of all my sucking, I ended up in a higher weight percentile than my height percentile. This was problematic, because my mother had obese parents. She needed an object upon which to project her own anxieties. I was perfect for that! The religion of the household quickly became food: me not being allowed to have it and me sneaking it. One of my favorite foods to sneak was me. In an attempt to be enough, I began to consume my own body parts. I ate my fingernails and toenails. I ate every single one. I liked to bite them off and play with them in my mouth, slide the delicious, calcium-rich half moons between my teeth until my gums bled. I tried to enjoy my own earwax, but earwax is an acquired taste. Later in life I became a connoisseur of my own vaginal secretions. The depth of range was astonishing. The vagina is always marinating something. What I loved most, though, was to pick my nose and eat it. During story hour at school I created a “shield” with my left hand to cover my nose, so I could enjoy some private refreshment. Then I’d really get in there with the right hand. Some of my happiest childhood days were spent behind that handshield. I felt self-contained, satisfied, full on myself. The other kids knew what was up and they made fun of me, but I didn’t care. The bliss was too profound. Unfortunately, the bliss was not going to last forever. Let’s be honest, the bliss was going to last four minutes or until my nose ran out of snot. But parents, if your kid is eating herself, you have to let her. Let your child devour herself whole. Even if she disappears completely, encourage her to vanish. Let your child eat the shit out of herself and then shit herself out. Let her eat that. There aren’t that many ways to find comfort in this world. We must take it where we can get it, even in the darkest, most disgusting places. Nobody asks to be born. No one signs a form that says, You have my permission to make me exist. Babies are born, because parents feel that they themselves are not enough. So, parents, never condemn us for trying to fill our existential holes, when we are but the fruit of your own vain attempts to fill yours. It’s your fault we’re here to deal with the void in the first place.

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