#I’ll make it up myself if I need too

[sad-emo-dip-dye]

If I had a nickel for every time atsushi and akutagawa had some kind of fight and development on a ship or near the sea, I’d have at least 4 nickels, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it’s happened that many times

#let’s see the battle on the cargo ship in season 1 #the moby dick fight in season 2 #standard island round in 55 minutes #and the fukuchi fight #and yeah yeah you could say that they’re literally at the port of yokohama but whatever #there’s got to be some significance there #I’ll make it up myself if I need too #bsd #bungo stray dogs #sskk #shin soukoku

[puppyeared]

If I close my eyes and concentrate realllyyy hard I can pretend im in my animal crossing room

#im in need of a change I don’t like the way im living rn.. a lot of my belongings were picked out for me #by people who thought their way of doing things was better and Ive had to find workarounds my whole life bc of how I live differently #Ive never thought of myself as someone who cares abt how their room looks. but i want it to have things I like even if its just preference #Ive thought abt it for a while and I dont think Im picky I just dont like it when ppl buy me things expecting me to use it the way they #expect me to.. I just end up with a lot of crap that I feel too guilty throwing away just bc someone thought of me #the only way I can describe my taste is that I know what I’ll like when I see it.. if I can clearly see myself making the most out of it #if I constantly have to use workarounds just to use smth you decided for me im not gonna wanna use it unless I have to #literally i could not be bothered to pull out a notebook and write down important information until I got a blues clues notebook #because I liked it and it made it fun for me to whip out that I actually wanna use it. yknow #so rn im trying to get a drafting table because the one that came with my loft bed is ass and I cant cut my prints on it #I end up cutting on the floor and my back hurts if I do it too long.. and I wanna get a bookshelf for my closet and a bench for my bag #things Ill look at and want to use because I already knew how I wanted to use it and just do it without thinking too hard #yapping #diary

[solargeist]

I get so excited abt characters I feel like throwing up

#I’m literally nauseous AKSJSKS it’s 2am I have to sleep but o want to draw saurrr badddd #my stomach feels SICK I have to draw grian or I’ll die #there’s a million different things I want to draw #it’s 2am and I get up at 8am no choice in the matter I need to fall asleep immediately NOOOO #cw emetophobia #cw throwing up mention #this is why I forced myself to take a break from lpog I was literally going crazy IM STILL ON BREAK FROM THEM… #they literally make me spiral I feel like I go actually insane . i might only show a GLIMPSE online……. #offline I’ll be staring at the wall thinking abt them for far too long

[ca-d]

Sleep Token // 5.24.24 ✨

#mine #snagged last minute tickets for last nights show #and I’m so fucking glad I did #this show felt otherworldly? #like their vibe and shit already gives that #but to experience them live 🙃 #fuck man #like if you have the chance to see them - go #the set list was perfection #anD THE LIGHTING?! #whoever came up with that shit needs a pay raise hahah #it was magical to say the least #ugh my little heart is so happy #got to hear TMBTE too #got like 2 snippets of the song and soaked in the rest #that song just makes me feel a certain way #and it’s so special to me #a memory I’ll replay forever now #I’m just rambling to myself #but anyways #rain #sleep token #vessel #tw flashing #flash

[rapidhighway]

I didn’t go to sculpture again……

#please please please I have anxiety I have a mental illness #I can’t make myself go there it’s hell idk why I’m just so nervous every time I make myself feel sick #and then I get another excuse not to go becuase I literally feel like I’m gonna throw up #I’m not going to pass if I don’t start going there……. #and I cannot handle repeating a semester #I live in fear #and it doesn’t help that I have intermedia class later today which is my second greatest enemy and just as dreadful #banging head on the table #I need to be wrapped in a blanket and go to sleep forever #god even if I go there I’m never going to be able to come up to my prof and talk to him about my project I get physically I’ll at the #slightest suggestion from my friends that I should finally do it #everyone’s done it already #I will literally cry if anyone talks to me #the profs just intimidate me so badly I feel like they hate me #and everyone says they’re super nice but I can’t make myself believe ittttt they will eat me alive #but if I never go I won’t pass the class and repeating the semester will cost money #pleas I have the stupid project idea ready but I just can’t do it I’ve thought about just emailing them and doing it all through email but #I couldn’t do that either I’m just in panic mode instantly #so yeah I’m just venting not asking ppl for solutions 😶✌️ I just don’t want to text my friend again bc I’ve been putting way too much on #them #they do practically everything for me anyway bc I can’t do shit by myself #uh ok I just need to put this SOMEWHERE #I’m gonna curl up and draw metal or whatever #ugh I know I’m making things worse by not coming #but I can’t make myself I just cant I’m gonna have an anxiety attack ✌️ #no one look at me #I being sensitive and vulnerable here

[bugeyedfreaks]

Sometimes I feel like I should just bite the bullet and join Twitter because sometimes I end up lurking on there and find news about PPG related things I otherwise didn’t know about… despite the fact that I do have a network of amazing people who follow my blog who alert me of Big Events from time to time. I feel like I might end up being a little more in the loop if I just made an account.

…but it’s Twitter… 🤢

#every time I’m done lurking I’m in an even worse mood than I was before I lurked #and I don’t really dip my toes that deep into the ppg twitterspace buuuuut #…I have certainly seen some hellish things… 🫣 #I feel like I just need to stay here #hold down the fort for the cool people #I don’t even wanna make a poll asking if I should join I’m too afraid of what the result would be lol #you all just very well might be like PLEASE JOIN TWITTER and I’ll end up throwing myself out of a window in despair

[floral-hex]

woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.

#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void #shits rough dawg #I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts #haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier #it’s cold #saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early. #and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed. #went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours #guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left #even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are #I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh #my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week #maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done. #I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting #woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside #hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning #can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding) #actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so… #I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience #anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments #I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired. #I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die. #is this relatable? #just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda. #gonna look at pictures of butts now #ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever #you can ignore this #text

[cuteniaarts]

Behold, my latest and most enamouring new obsession:

Malina, Lady of the Chief of the Northern Water Tribe. As if Red Lotus child OCs weren’t niche enough

#my art #artists on tumblr #the legend of korra #lok malina #still feel like that’s too vague of a tag but I can’t come up with anything better for now #and yeah. she has completely stolen by heart and I don’t know how to feel about that #don’t think I ever was this attracted to my own art before #to be fair the design isn’t mine. it’s very heavily based on something nina drew back in 2021 #because I did not have the energy or creativity to come up with my own thing #but the art is all mine and I genuinely adore it. super proud of myself which is a rare occurrence #anyways. kat and I spent three days digging this niche lower and lower and now have a he #*hell of a lot of lore about this basically nonexistent character #for lore about a lady from the North Pole a lot of it is rather hot… to the point my cheeks are burning non stop #I would say I’d let her do anything she wants to me but in my very specific aroace-adjacent case it’s more like #I’d let her tell me to do anything she wants to her #if that makes any sense and I have not completely lost my goddamn mind yet #okay. enough yapping. back to the art itself #lazy background because I suck at those and am not currently attempting to learn them. I’ll probably do that over the summer #about time anyway. my characters have been placed against an off-white background for far. far too long #this is the first piece in just over a year that isn’t tagged with sotrl. which is kinda weird tbh #I’ve been drawing my OCs almost exclusively for nearly 5 years so it is genuinely surprise I’m branching out #*surprising #less branching out and more diving from one hole into another but y’know #anyway. in my personal and very correct opinion she turned out absolutely gorgeous #her servants are way too lucky and unalaq is way too much of an idiot. no offence to vaatu but he could never beat out this #and I also have Kat’s personal and very correct opinion to back up my own. two against the void. once again we’re winning #I wanna draw her a lot more bc she has completely possessed my brain. I just wish character interactions were easier to draw 😭 #I’ll figure it out. just need to fight my visualisation issues for a proper idea. brb #okay I’m almost at the tag limit so. in summary: #she 🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

[sapphicdib]

.

#i think this is just my irritability from my meds #so i’m putting my rant down in the tags #im going to delete this later but i just needed to get this out bc i’ve seen it quite a few times now #but if i see one more fuckin person say something along the lines of ‘stop drawing the iterators/slugcats in this way because it’s boring #or wrong or doesn’t match up with MY HEADCANON’ #im gonna fucking lose it. if you want to see slugcats or iterators drawn how YOU like them. why don’t YOU draw them. or YOU pay other #artists you draw them for you? #the fact that some people are so god damn entitled to fanworks that passionate people are making FOR FREE #this isn’t about any of my followers or anything and i block people who say shit like that on sight but for real. #your interpretations of characters and designs are not the end all be all. i interpret sigs shape language as pointy! a lot of the fandom #sees her as square! you know what i DONT do? make posts about how artists should stop drawing him square #you know what i DO do? draw her pointy MYSELF! #i’ll delete this later bc it really doesn’t matter and it’s NOT directed at any of my followers or moots it’s just a general thing ive seen #you do realize that most of what we have to go off of are 10 pixel tall muppets right. #going crazy stupid with designs is FUN! im beginning to think some of y’all take this shit WAY too seriously lmao #anyways.

[chiritori]

i feel like the best way for me to move on from this situation is to just be more open about my interests instead of worrying what others think

#cause like… #tbh what hurts most abt this whole mess is that i scared away the only other person i know in the city w the same niche interests as me #like the (presumed) romantic rejection aspect sucks too but not nearly as much as fumbling a cool friend who likes the same stuff as me #i’m always kind of hesitant to talk at length about music w my friends bc i don’t want to bore them or weird them out #and i think i just need to stop doing that. cause it makes me feel lonely & sad #& if i only let myself talk abt my interests around ppl who i know are into the same stuff then i’ll keep ending up in situations like this #plus how am i gonna meet ppl who share my interests if i always wait for them to bring it up first? #the only thing that still fucks me up is that i never have anyone to go to concerts with #i am so sick of having to go to concerts by myself every time #like when i asked my crush to go to a show w me it wasn’t just an excuse to hang out w them 😭 #i genuinely do need a concert buddy so bad #but one thing at a time i guess. first order of business is to stop being ashamed of my interests #vent

[rosicheeks]

Unfortunately relatable. I grew up in the church and have a lot of Christian trauma from that. I show up for special occasions for my parents… sometimes. But it’s uncomfortable from the moment I step through the door. Bigoted pastor, the self-righteousness disguising the prejudice, the political comments from the altar. Shots at young people left right and center as if the hell on earth wasn’t caused by the same older generation 90% of the congregation belongs to..

I miss being young in the choir and the youth groups and not struggling with it. It’s wild to look back at the younger version of me who was unshakeable in his faith and honestly just saddening.

I was texting my sister today about it and she said

“I 100% think ALL of us have a ton of religious trauma and everyone else in the family just doesn’t realize it cause they’re still drinking the kool-aid.”

I ran out of tag room and didn’t want to delete any 😭 seriously not lying I could write a book about all my thoughts and experiences

#I relate to all of this so much #and it’s so sad how many people truly have religious trauma #I still find myself lucky and privileged cause I know there are stories MUCH worse than mine #it’s really hard cause my parents still think I’m a Christian #honestly at this point I have no clue what i am #even if I end up still being a Christian that doesn’t help or heal all of the years of church trauma #but the hard part is still acting the part for my parents #growing up I always tried to fit into the good Christian girl mold #cause I know that’s what my parents wanted and I didn’t want to disappoint them #but once I started smoking weed and they found out? it went all downhill from there #their perfect angel fell from heaven #and I feel like ever since I haven’t been really their daughter…. I’ve just been living on the outside looking in to everything #it hurts looking back at all the years I spent brainwashed into believing that was the ONLY faith #it genuinely makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the fact that I went to a pro life rally #the thing I was talking to my sister about was how mental health was never talked about in the church #when I started dealing with it and went to my parents or the pastors or any adult really and told them what I was dealing with #wanna know what the first thing they would ALWAYS say? well have you prayed about it? the way they treated mental illness was that it was #YOUR fault cause God is punishing you for something…. that you need to pray or go to church so then God will eventually take it away #and the thing is I don’t necessarily blame my parents (which kinda sucks cause I want to blame someone) #but honestly it’s just the environment they grew up in too… like I’m 99% sure my dad has dealt with depression his entire life #but won’t get diagnosed or anything cause they always believe faith has something to do with it #which makes me incredibly sad cause I just think about how much my dad has suffered and how he didn’t need to #^^ I was typing this out when I was late to my family gathering hahaha but then I think my sister called or something so I had to stop #sorry this post is all over the place - I swear I could write a book about religious trauma #yesterday went ok surprisingly but today? TODAY is going to be so much worse #sure I’ll make a post about it later but I guessssss I should go to bed now? it’s 2am and I have to get up at 5:45 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 #and I have a fuuuuull day of fun Christian festivities while I’m dealing with all of this bottled up and unresolved crap from my past #please don’t get me wrong I love my parents and like I said I don’t blame them - they did their best #it just really sucks wondering what my life would have been like if I didn’t grow up in the church or in a super religious family #I wonder if when I told my parents I was depressed if they would have instantly brought me in to get help

[bootyful-seventeen]

Cozy rooms can be a double edged sword cuz one hand it is my sanctuary but on the other hand it relaxes me so much I never wanna move unless necessary

#making your room into your sanctuary takes some serious time and I’ve been here for almost a year now #and rn it’s just me trying to donate more clothes that I never bought but ended up in my room cuz I don’t need them #and so I can get rid of the dressers cuz I hate having so many bits of furniture I don’t want #but at least my grandma wants to empty tf out the garage so I can get some of my stuff that got chucked in there #😭😭 I’ll finally be able to use my rengoku and Tengen mugs again #and I can even reach the 4 candles I know someone stuck in the garage when I left them in my room #ooo and I can find the vinyls and maybe hit up a thrift store to see if anyone’s donated a record player #but that’ll probably come after I get myself a dvd player and a stand to prop my tv on #cuz for some reason my tv has this little ball sack of a recover point that juts out under the tv #and I don’t think any dvd player will fit with that thing in the way #but yeah she wants to empty the garage and I want to get rid of shit too so we’re gonna be having a garage sale soon I hope #and I even suspect that someone threw my kpop posters in the garage too but most of them were in the tube except maybe 1 or 2 #so I think they’d be safe for the most part but if not I’m gonna be mad that they got ruined when people know how easy it is to ruin posters

[deathxproof]

hm, out of all of the things I was expecting when I slowly started putting myself back in fandom spaces, “unresolved trauma from being an autistic kid/teen who was always perceived as Too Much” wasn’t on the list, to be quite honest.

#ooc ! #maybe I’ll unpack this more on my personal blog later. Who’s to say. not me certainly. #but yeah the amount of friendships/relationships I had from like. elementary school to high school(to even some of college) #where like. it’s suddenly revealed to me incredibly late that I’m being seen as overbearing / overwhelming / needing or being Too Much #and by then there is no fixing it yknow. by then they’re just telling you to get you to fuck off (or telling other people and not you lol) #(that happened way more often in online fandom spaces)(but tbh my hang-ups in online fandom spaces) #(come WAY MORE from like. interactions with Very Particular People) #(who self-admitted to like. actively trying to dig up dirt that didn’t exist on people ‘just in case’.)(or if they just didn’t like someone #(they aren’t around here anymore but nevertheless the few times we interacted and they tried that w me made me paranoid for ages </3333) #ANYWAYS if you read this far: hiiiiiiiii #i’m doing fine but oh god the weird nostalgic loneliness of being That Kid really hit me all at once #I’m still so bad at making friends now because of all of this naksdak #like I have to put effort into keeping up with people or else I’ll accidentally hold myself back / kind of isolate #under the assumption of like ‘oh you don’t want to scare this person away do you? you don’t want to be overbearing right?’ #and it’s like. hey. hey brain. hey bitch. we gotta talk to people to actually form relationships with them. that’s how this works. #vent #anyways I gotta go build a closet now ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ...

[solargeist]

your uhh instagram stories about hazbin hotel are real based j think. his arms look weird. the colouring is weird . help !!!!!! ahhhhh help me !!!!!!!!!!!!

THE ART THEORY IS DRIVING ME INSANE I CANT STAY QUIET NO LONGER !!!!!

#ask #the colours are bad the composition is bad everyone sounds weirdly flat like . it got picked up and then got worse like HOW‼️⁉️ #i liked the pilot when it came out. with minor complaints…. I wonder how I’d feel if I rewatch it aksjsjs #since I was like what.. 19 or something.. #i personally do not enjoy helluvaboss humor or writing so. .. I think I will dislike the premiere phphph #I’ll probably check it out when it releases . if I can? no idea where it’s being posted . but I fear second hand embarrassment tbh #I’m way too opinionated I could feel myself festering . I’m just mostly shocked wahh #this ain’t me hoping on a hate train this is all genuine 😭💥 #disclaimer! i am not that great of an artist and I make these mistakes as well. however hazbin was picked up by a24 and no longer indie- #-basic colour theory mistakes shouldn’t happen at that point #the fact that all the colours need a drop shadow bc everything is bright red is not a good look. everything looks flat and jarring #colours? Characters**

[natugood]

I’ve kept every single vial of T I’ve ever used, and when I have enough I want to make an outline of my body on some wood and glue all of the vials inside until my shape is filled

#problem is I think the T vials may be too small or I am too big cause I’ve got five years worth so far and it maybe would fill a calf #5’8 problems lol #but really I think this would be an awesome piece of art #I just won’t complete it until I’m like 80 #I also can’t decide if I should make an outline of myself now when I’m younger or when I’m older and ready to create #cause if I make it now I’d have to lug it around and I’d probably start gluing shit together at this point but it would take up space #like rn I can just keep all my T vials in paper bags in drawers and boxes and it’s easy #but idk how my body will change as I age. yeah I’ll shrink but there’s a good chance I’ll get fat and then I’ll need even MORE vials #I think it ultimately is down to what I want my physical form to represent #and I think my aged body is better cause it’s a body that’s lived a lifetime full of at #though whenever I make the art it would be cool to leave a portion of my body equal to the portion of the age I lived without T empty #like if I make it when I’m 80 id leave 1/4 of my outline empty #but idk how I feel about that #googoogajoob

[brookheimer]

#again this is all my fault i had a week to do this i just can’t seem to do any work unless the deadline is within like . 24 hours #otherwise i can’t get myself to focus or care #thanks brain. #the film one will be easy though i can bullshit it bc my profs give out B+ as the highest grade apparently so i should stop writing A papers #for them and just get the same grade for less work . unfortunately i love writing papers (even though i hate it) and can never actually #like phone in a paper like even when i try to i end ip getting into it by the end #i’m so bad at just being like yeah let’s write a B paper. i canyyyyttttyt ! which is so annoying bc i’ll get a B in this class anyways bc #it’s 300 ppl and they don’t read the papers they just give everyone a B+ so WHY DO I BOTHER #praying that for the first time in my life i write a mid paper on purpose and it takes an hour or so #then i can focus the next 12 hours on the paper i both want and need to do well on #well maybe not NEED like i’d prob get an A in the class if i got a B+ or even a B maybe on the final #but it’s my last class ever (transferring😬) with my favorite professor in the world . i have never gotten below an A- from him on a paper #and that was only in my first class w him like i’ve gotten all As since so i NEEEEED to go out w a bang. seriously. i like him too much not #to!!! it’s also a topic i’m rly interested in except also i still don’t actually know my thesis. i just have 20 pages of brainstorming and #research. don’t know what i’m doing w it yet tho #agggggghh #so mad at myself — went to bed at 7 FUCKING PM by accident bc i hadn’t slept in 40 hours and forgot to set an alarm for like 6 to try and #make up for all the work i didn’t do yesterday so now here we r. aaaagggggggh #sorry for the personal vent in the tags but this is my blog i can vent if i want to (to the tune of that one song) #i’m actually insane why am i subjecting myself to this. and even worse why am i (ADHD #depression insane) transferring to one of the like 20 schools in america that’s more academically demanding than the one i’m at rn. why am #i making things worse for myself. #except blah blah blah not really i’m fine academically and honestly except for finals (which is always just a procrastination issue w me) #cld provably use smth a little more demanding at times like i need classes hard enough to actually convince my brain that i need to do yhe #readings lolll like i genuinely always Want to do them bc they’re things i am honestly super interested in i just a) am so bad at focusing #and b) am Disturbingly good at bullshitting like i typically am one of the most talkative ppl in classes despite doing 1/2 or less of the #readings.. and like not even to get a participation grade. just bc i can skim it and immediately have things to say ab it #that’s why i won a like national award in high school for a paper on a book i didn’t actually read😬 except i had WANTED! to read it! #that’s the issue like. if u know u can bullshit something how do u get ur adhd brain to get the message that u actually want to read it #raAaagh ok personal rambling over o know it’s prob annoying bc like i Do do well in school n i am grateful i just wish i was healthier ab it