#I will go through my blocked blogs eventually and unblock any that appear to be humans that finally personalized their blogs | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

linklethehistorian · 16 days

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I'm curious about 4. and 16. for the choose violence ask!

Sure thing! Since you didn’t specify a fandom, let’s go through them all. ^-^

Under the cut for both length and spoilers for some of the fandoms. lol Proceed with caution as always.

4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

Bungou Stray Dogs fandom: Well, I’ve blocked about seven different people in this fandom, actually; for the first five, it was because they were a group of five haters who, by their own self-admission, instead of blocking or avoiding me for the sake of their own mental health when they found my content uncomfortable, continued to keep me unblocked and even actively seek out my page just so they could get angry/upset and then send me harassment in asks and/or vague post about how much they hated me.

Personally, I didn’t care all that much about the vagueposting; as I’ve said in the past, I actually kind of find hate motivational and fueling for my creative fire from time to time, but it was clear that it was getting very unhealthy for them, and since they hadn’t the sense to do it themselves, I simply blocked them from my own end so that they couldn’t see me anymore.

For one of the other two, they just had the worst fucking takes in the world, and their content kept somehow getting recommended to me as being “based on my likes” despite that I had never liked anything similar (or even anything from them), and since I found it to be headache-inducingly bad — and not even in an entertaining way, either — I simply blocked them.

And for the last one, they actually used to be a friend of mine, but they unfortunately seemed to have fallen down into a toxic rabbit hole since our last interaction years ago, and eventually came back and started accusing a close friend (and me, purely by association) of terrible shit for absolutely no reason, so I blocked them. I really do wish them well and that they come back around to their senses someday and realize the error of throwing accusations around simply because you’re still bitter over a breakup, but seeing as that’s unlikely, I’ll spare myself the trouble and just keep them blocked.

Legend of Zelda fandom: I said in a previous post where I listed out answers to all of the questions for this fandom that I’ve never blocked anyone in the Zelda fandom for fandom-related reasons, and that’s true, but I did block someone in this fandom once, for other reasons.

It’s a little bit of a long story, but to put it simply, there was this guy who had been stalking my now ex-girlfriend (mtf, tho she hadn’t come out as trans yet at the time while we were in the relationship) and had created a sock puppet account on a large Zelda forum we were on in order to find out information about me.

The story actually runs a lot deeper than just being a cut-and-dried “oh, he was a creepy stalker who had bad intent” situation — there’s a lot of nuance involved that would take quite a while to dig into and explain — but as I don’t really feel like getting into the whole tale right now, I’ll just leave it at that even tho the guy came clean to me out of guilt shortly after creating the account, it was my ex’s firm insistence that I block him, and so I did as she asked with it. And that was that.

Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel fandom: I’ve never blocked anyone from this fandom, but God has it been tempting sometimes… Thankfully, I don’t follow any blogs that make me feel like that, but if someone’s annoying ass bad takes ever start continually appearing on my recommended like they did with BSD, believe you me I’mma start blocking faster than the speed of light.

Other fandoms: I’ve never blocked anyone in any other fandoms, actually, and I can’t say I really have any active reason to at the moment, as most of them seem chill enough to not be an active and rampant threat unless you go looking for them.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

Bungou Stray Dogs fandom: … sighs …We’re really doing this, aren’t we? Okay. Listen, I want to start this out by saying that I am a huge advocate for AUs and personal canons and ships and whatever else out there in the fictional world that you can imagine — go ham, have fun with it.

That being said, I will never in my life understand the appeal a very specific portion of the fandom finds in the concept that Arthur Rimbaud/Randou is as equally cold, unhinged, and detached as Paul Verlaine — often to the point where people genuinely allow that AU headcanon to skew their view of canon and convince themselves that it is such, when nothing could be farther from the truth (and the truth is actually far more unique, deep, and interesting).

Although the block button has largely solved this issue for me these days, my eyes have unfortunately already seen far too many posts of people talking about how a large majority of the fandom “gets Arthur wrong” because they don’t make him and Paul into this unhinged, cold-hearted assassin duo, and frankly, it’s just bullshit.

You can enjoy and/or ignore whatever the fuck you want in a series for your own personal canon and AUs, but don’t delude yourself and lie to others about official canon in the process because you’re pissy that the uppermost levels of official canon don’t represent certain characters the way you’ve imagined them in your head.

For one thing, if everyone around you is supposedly the issue, and even the uppermost levels of official canon themselves in their original language are supposedly the issue….then I hate to say it, but the only person or thing in need of a reality check is probably you.

Arthur was never an assassin; these people out there who are acting like “oh, Arthur being a spy means he must be cold-blooded and must have committed as many murders as Paul has” are insane; despite what certain stories in media will tell you, being a spy does not necessarily have to ever involve murder, and even if it did, Paul could have easily been the one doing the murdering. Is Arthur 100% innocent? Are his hands 100% clean of blood? No! But canonically, the only 1,000% confirmed act of physical harm he has ever committed was the attempted murder of Dazai and Chuuya, and even then he showed significant hesitation, and only committed to doing that so as to both save Paul and to avoid potentially harming significantly more people should assassins have been sent after him. Is it probable he may have killed people during the faked Arahabaki incident? Yes. Is it probable he may have either directly or indirectly killed at least a small number people while either working as a spy or as a mafioso? Yes. But is it confirmed? No. There is nothing at all that directly, explicitly confirms he himself has ever killed anyone at his own hands. It is likely that he has, but unless it is ever directly stated that he did, it is still technically not canon and thus 100% up for interpretation based on what you would like to believe about him. Until we know otherwise, he could have killed as few or as many people as you so desire.

However, what is not up for interpretation when it comes to official canon is that if these murders did occur, they were absolutely not done in cold blood. True canon — the original JP light novel(s), and, second to that in the canon hierarchy, the original JP Stage Plays — have gone far out of their way to express that Arthur is the farthest thing from a cold, emotionless killer. Despite how some would like to believe, Paul is not his “one exception”; Arthur cares about the lives of literally everyone and feels deep, intense remorse and hesitance over the idea of harm coming to literally everyone. If you think this man is “cold-hearted”, you have not read the actual canon — you have either watched an adaptation that took some massive liberties and not looked past that, or you have made up a story in your head based on what you would have preferred, and you refuse to accept the validity of anything that disagrees with it.

…Anyhow, yes…while people can absolutely make him such in AUs and personal canon if that’s what they enjoy, it makes me extremely annoyed when people conflate that with canon, and I will never be able to truly understand the appeal of it in general. The idea of two characters who are just “absolutely unhinged, cold blooded assassins who care only about each other” is, in my opinion, far less interesting than, and even downright insulting to, the deep characters that both he and Paul are, and the great narrative foil that the emotional, shy, sensitive, openly caring, and much more mercy-minded and life-valuing Arthur makes to the admittedly unhinged and cold-blooded (but still very much deeper than fandom treats him) Paul.

People can like what they like, but man, it is definitely not for me, and I feel like if that’s the dynamic you’re really looking for, there must be better characters out there to do it with.

Legend of Zelda fandom: See [here].

Doctor Who fandom: I’m sure there is something, but I honestly can’t think of it at this moment in time. Most of what’s enjoyed even vaguely popularly in this massive fandom is…pretty alright by me, honestly? Or at least understandable.

Ace Attorney fandom: Honestly, I have more to say on what this fandom doesn’t like than what it does, so we’ll skip over this one for now. If I think of something later, I’ll amend it.

Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel fandom: The idea that Stolas is a bad father and an equally bad person to Stella. Also that everyone in Hell must be bad in some way.

Final Fantasy fandom: …Final Fantasy VIII. Don’t get me wrong — I don’t think it’s a bad game by any means, or even a bad Final Fantasy game; I just don’t think that comparatively to some of the actually (in my opinion) amazing games that get way more shit from than they deserve, it’s really that much to write home about.

I think that it had a ton of great ideas going for it, but that a lot of those ideas got lost along the way in the quest to explore other ones — which ultimately led to the vast majority of them just barely getting touched on at all. And, of course, there’s a big major plothole where the main character gets absolutely fatally impaled by the main antagonist and then it just…basically doesn’t even get addressed at all? Also, all of the main characters sharing the exact same backstory and then just having conveniently forgotten about it was…deeply underwhelming and felt a bit lazy, to be honest.

And…yeah… I liked some of the characters a ton, and I enjoyed some of the plot points, but I definitely can’t understand why it’s hailed as being so great compared to certain others that are just…objectively actually more solid and well-written.

Pikmin fandom: I wanted to try to be as absolutely thorough as possible in listing out any of the series that I love and have actively participated in the fandom of (whether that be going out of my way to interact with fan content for it or making my own, or both), but honestly, I haven’t been around the fandom of this one quite enough to know if there are any popular takes or favorites out there that I’d strongly disagree with, or of which I’d particularly question the appeal.

Xenoblade Chronicles fandom: I know this is probably going to piss off a lot of people out there, but honestly, both Xenoblade 2 and Xenoblade 3 — but for opposite reasons, and with the DLC games notwithstanding for both of them, as I have few complaints with either of those.

I understand why people love Xenoblade 2 as a story on the whole — even if I think the first five chapters are largely very weak with only a few highlights and far too much filler and have terrible pacing — because the last five chapters just make every bit of the initial drudgery worthwhile, but I what I cannot and will never understand are the people who think the gameplay is somehow anywhere even close to good — much less god tier. Genuinely, there are not a lot of games I would call worse and less user friendly gameplay-wise in the modern era than Xenoblade 2; as a matter of fact, there is so much wrong with it that I can’t even begin to unpack all of the problems here, except to try to just lump it all together and put it very simply by saying that a fully paid-for, full price game absolutely should not entirely rely upon you having good luck in an absurdly rigged, file-dependant rng pity-system-granting uncheatable gacha system in order to progress the main plot, and even still make you sit through hours waiting for the skills to unlock on those characters that you have to be lucky enough to get good RNG assigned to your file to even get a halfway decent chance to get through further, still absurdly rigged RNG.

Normally, I would say how good a game is or isn’t is just a matter of personal opinion and what one is looking for, but legitimately, if you see no problem with this game’s gameplay and view it as something that should be defended, then you either got the best possible RNG in the world and played the game at such an absurdly slow pace that you somehow never even encountered one instance where skill unlocking slowed you down from progressing the plot, or you are just the biggest simp in the world for this game and you’re lying because you just can’t stand the idea of not defending every single aspect of this game even if you know for a fact that part of it is awful and inexcusable.

And as Xenoblade 3, that game has the opposite problem; whereas Xenoblade 2 had an overall amazing story the farther you progress with terrible gameplay, Xenoblade 3 has overall amazing gameplay with a (for the franchise) absolutely weak story that just completely drops the ball at the end. Thankfully, just as Torna: The Golden Country largely improved on the gameplay of Xenoblade 2 with its release, Future Redeemed largely improves and even fixes and, dare I say redeems, the story of Xenoblade 3 (even if it does make it feel a bit redundant in some aspects)…but…that doesn’t excuse the game being weak initially to begin with compared to its predecessors, and I truly can’t understand what all the hype for it was before the DLC released, as at the time I only found it a massive disappointment in all of the worst ways considering its series’ strong reputation for cut-above storytelling and incredible foreshadowing.

Also…in regards to Xenoblade 1…I don’t understand the appeal of Shulk and Melia as a mutually required ship — I’m sorry; if you love it, that’s 100% valid and I hope you have fun with it, but like…I just see zero romantic chemistry between them on Shulk’s side; I honestly see more chemistry potential between Fiora and Melia and that isn’t even canon on any level. I really think Melia is just best narratively having a one-sided interest in Shulk; anything else has always just felt forced to me.

Pokémon fandom: This is one of those fandoms where I have more of a problem with the dislikes than the likes, but I guess as with most games, I don’t really see the appeal of a truly open world; Scarlet and Violet pulled it off alright, but it wasn’t entirely open, and even then it had the typical issues of limiting storytelling ability through lack of any linearity at many points. I know many people are going to say “oh, but Pokémon has very rarely had a super deep story; it’s pretty much only a select few of the middle and more recent gens that did this”, and that may be true, but…why should we have to go back from that?

People use this excuse with many older games that have had a long series — that because their first iterations “weren’t that deep”, it’s somehow the natural and most acceptable course of action to go back to those roots, even if they’ve come very far from that over the years, and to me it’s just absurd. It’s like saying that we should go back to using outhouses because that is the purest form of using a bathroom and it was the way bathrooms were always meant and intended to be used; as we get more advanced in technology, we are naturally going to progress and do more that once could only have been a dream to us before. All old games weren’t necessarily lacking story because they “didn’t want to do anything more”, but because they didn’t have those capabilities. 2D games weren’t all 2D because no one wanted them to ever be seen in 3D, but because 3D wasn’t possible yet.

I will never understand the desire to backtrack on progress made simply because “that’s how it was back in the day”.

…Also, as far as the anime, I get that the idea of Ash growing up would’ve been cool and all, but like…I seriously don’t understand why it’s that big of a deal to people. Ash staying in a form that’s iconic is hardly surprising or beyond understanding, and really I would’ve cared more to see Ash grow emotionally from all of his journeys than physically, but eh. To each their own.

Super Mario fandom: The OoC situation that happened with Princess Peach at the end of Super Mario Odyssey. Straight up, I will say that I’ve never played the game, but from what I have heard (and please do correct me if I’m wrong!!!), Peach straight up rejects both Bowser and Mario from marrying her at the end, and like…for some reason everyone thinks this is some cool girl power moment instead of realizing that this, while maybe a cool message had it been any other character with any other two pushy suitors, is…actually deeply out of character for her.

It wouldn’t be so incredibly OoC if it weren’t for the fact that in all previous Mario games, Peach has been explicitly in love with Mario and very, very happy to be with him and be very romantic with him every time he’s rescued her, and he’s always been a gentleman to her, too, so like…the whole thing just sounds really off to me and I’m not sure why not many people are bothered by this like I am.

Maybe I just don’t have the context everyone else does. I don’t know.

Persona fandom: …Persona 5; don’t get me wrong, I actually enjoyed the story of this one quite a bit and I think it had great foreshadowing, but like…at least comparatively to 3, I don’t know why it seems to be “the baby” of the fandom. As a story, 3 is just so much more compelling and emotionally high stakes, with a lot more actual deaths and consequences and, frankly, more interesting twists and characters on the whole, and that’s all I’m going to say on that…for now.

Persona 5 was…pretty alright; Persona 3 was stellar.

Makai Ouji fandom: Pretty much the same situation as Pikmin here; while I’ve technically been in this fandom for at least 7 or 8 years, I…don’t really have enough active interaction with the greater fandom to know if there are any popular opinions or ideas I’d disagree with.

There are some fandoms that I just…don’t really have the drive to engage with that much outside of the source material, and this is one of them. Sometimes you feel called to engage with and observe the larger fan base and its creations, and sometimes you just don’t; this is one of the latter times.

Person of Interest fandom: I’m just gonna say it — Shoot. I know it’s canon, but honestly, that pairing felt so fucking forced — and I don’t mean forced as in “oh, they need to stop shoving gay relationships down our throats” like you’d expect to hear from some bigot or something, I mean forced as in they weren’t compatible, there was no chemistry, and literally no strong lead-up to the relationship whatsoever. One day the Machine was just like “oh I predict a possible timeline where you two get together” and then suddenly that one hypothetical possible scenario was enough for them to actually get together after an eternity of hating each other and torturing each other and literally trying to kill each other.

I think the pairing sucks and it felt terribly shoehorned at the very end of the show, when there were a million better options out there for the both of them, and then within like two episodes they killed one of them off anyway.

If anyone reading this likes it, then good on you, but personally I will just never understand the appeal of it.

Code Vein fandom: Honestly, the same situation as Pikmin and Makai Ouji here. I love the game dearly and I definitely consider myself a member of the fandom, but also I’ve never truly interacted with the rest of the fandom enough longterm to pick up on any grievances I might normally have about it; what little I have seen of the fandom, they’re very nice and chill people who really enjoy character creation mode, and pretty much that’s all I know of them.

Five Nights at Freddy’s fandom: Damn, I guess this is how I come out about being this one after years of silence, huh…

Oh well… I’m sure there are actually many things I could be talking about here if I put my mind to it lol, but I’ll probably just go with the fact that wayyyy too many people are comfortable and content with just writing off Gregory as evil or cold-blooded, when Ruin made it pretty damn clear that the Mimic was the one who made Cassie take the plunge in the elevator, and not him.

This fandom has a lot of wildly incorrect theories, though.

…Also, I don’t really understand the appeal of wanting to fuck the animatronics, but meh, maybe they’re just not humanoid enough for me. *shrugs* I like my anthropomorphic animals to have a massive dash of humanoidness to them and these guys just…don’t. Also they’re inherently super spooky and I’m not usually about that life.

Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE fandom: Dude, we’re seriously a fandom of like literally 5 people across the entire internet; we ain’t big enough of a fandom to have problems amongst ourselves about popular takes. A take from one single person could be considered popular here. …But really, we all seem pretty cool from what I’ve seen.

Fringe fandom: I don’t usually actively engage in this one’s large-scale fandom, either, but when I have…I can’t say I’ve ever seen a take I disagreed with, really; at least not one that’s stood out to me, so…yeah. It’s all good, I guess.

Nier Replicant/Automata fandom: Honestly, we have the same situation here as Pikmin, Makai Ouji, Code Vein, and Fringe. I have no idea about the favoritism or the takes because I don’t really hang out in this fandom in my spare time all that much.

I’m sure there are things I’d take issue with if I searched enough, but what little I’ve seen of it is fine.

Other fandoms: Since I’m sure I’m forgetting quite a few and/or don’t consider myself a big/long/active enough fan to list them here, I’ll just lump all the rest into this category and say, obviously if I have had any interactions that I’ve learned fandom takes or favorites I’ve disagreed with from, they didn’t make a big enough impression to end up on this list, so all things considered, they must not be super bad to me — probably.

—

Aaaand that’s all of them! Thanks for the ask and happy reading!

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kevinsmilleran-blog · 6 years

Text

Hello,

I found your blog.

If my intent was to hurt you or invade your privacy I would not have come clean today ... if I wasn’t getting over you I would not have come clean today ...at the time I found your blog my only intent was to better understand where i stand with you I swear to god... but I found your blog and now I can’t take it back.

Where did I stand. Fuck! it’s the crazy the whiplash I get. one day it’s “Ive been in hospital here’s everything for the last five days” and then two days later it’s all “none of your business.” One day it’s singing blackbird singing in the dead of night at 2am don’t hang up, the next day is “can I hang up now tired? Oh ….none of your business.”

I lied to you when you asked if I found your blog cause I knew you’d never talk to me again, I couldn’t deal with that in that particular moment ... I was going through some shit and still thought maybe as a friend you’d be support… can I deal with that now??? I don’t know, I think so, the truth is I am getting over you I was at the gym last night – big step -- and with each text I sent you on kik as i kept looking at my phone waiting for the d to turn into an r something just kept dying inside and I was deciding I don’t want a life of waiting for the d on kik to turn into an r... I put my phone on the shelf for a while and I felt RELIEF!!! Relief from this thing MY FUCKING PHONE that seems to only exist in a way to make me feel ignored when I’m needy and available when I’m needed.

I just know that each day that went by lying to you made the lie worse. So now you know. I found your blog... I don’t know how to explain this... one thing I noticed about you is there’s EMPOWERED YOU and then VULNERABLE YOU... we are all both weak and strong. well I’m the same exactly!! kinda strong in that moment when you told me you had a blog, but I can’t see it. I nod. Of course I nod. I’m telling you we all should have a private place where we can write private things I’m not lying!!!

and then it’s vulnerable me late at night not knowing where i stand

driving me crazy

why does she want to be with me one night but not tonight

I need to know I need to know I need to know

i ask she says none of my business

I need to know

I get a cryptic text, just a pic, looks cool, then five hours of silence and each minute of each hour just grinds away at my strength, the gears in my brain cranking spinning. What I said about everyone having private space to write private things I MEANT IT, ya coulda hooked me up to a lie detector and when I said private space to write private things is sacred and that lie detector would have frozen over with boredom as the truth spills out into the air…. I meant it but now I need to know.

I NEED TO KNOW

I NEED TO KNOW!!!!

Why has that person who used to text me before going to bed every night, she has stopped. Why is it I could text a Phineas and Ferb “whatcha doin?” one day and it was always my business and now it was always not my business.

I needed to know!!!

I had to know.

Just to move on and get closure I had to FUCKING KNOW.

Bono sings “the best things are easy to destroy” and does he fucking even know how easy.

Now listen. I can fuck up things with booze. But I have to get a job make the money, get in a car go to a store and buy the booze. I can fuck things up in all sorts of ways.

How easy was this?

After about the 100th time my brain was screaming to itself I NEED TO KNOW, here’s how easy it was.

First mistake…. that short story you sent, the one about the kid with the death due date going to die before everyone else he had a bad number

Second mistake…. look that up it’s literally the most popular post on tumblr

Third mistake…. Not even looking for it your avi is literally the first avi at the bottom of the page. Reblog list.

Fourth mistake … click on the link to your tumblr.

Fifth mistake …. The first fucking post on your tumblr is literally a link to a wordpress blog.

Sixth mistake …. You know the rest.

I found your blog.

How long did that take. Less than 4 seconds.

There’s at least a protocol to nuking the world, codes, keys, you can’t even do it alone you need another guy to turn his key at the same time, I guess, I don’t really know. I just know it’s not supposed to be that easy.

It was that fucking easy ... to go get booze I at least have to get in a car and go to a store I DESTROYED EVERYTHING WITH YOU STONE COLD SOBER IN 4 SECONDS OF WEAKNESS WITH THREE TAPS OF MY FINGER ON A FUCKING PHONE WHILE IN MY BED!!!

THAT FUCKING EASY! I FUCKING HATE THE INTERNET!!!!!

I have a friend, a teacher she says if it was that easy she wanted you to find it. Like that guy who hides porn where he knows his wife will find it eventually.

That’s fucking insulting. Go away friend, you’re not a friend. I fucked up. I lacked self control. Disrespected your space. AGAIN. It was the second time!!! I know what I did and I know you don’t play games that way.

None of this is now going to help. maybe you’ll meet a stronger guy in future, I hope you do but if you ever put a guy in relationship purgatory – if you don’t know what I mean by that its this… you break up with him, but you don’t really want that so you’re “broken up” but still doing things… aw fuck it… everything together…. again when you’re “broken up” but still doing things together, don’t send him excerpts from your blog. Don’t send him the tools to find your blog in three clicks ... I think most guys would look, we are all pretty weak I think that’s why we, with our fearful patriarchies, fucked the world up.

Unless you want him to see your blog my advice is don’t even tell him it exists ... if it’s a test to see if he looks for it, it’s a test that I think will rule out a lot of guys who are really pretty amazing in a lot of other ways. Seeking out secrets is in a guys nature the way it’s in the nature of a scorpion to sting and poison a turtle carrying the scorpion across a river. They both DIE.

Maybe I’m wrong and I am just the worst man on earth, and every other dude would have never looked.

But...

I see on your tumblr a joke about someone pointing a knife but not using it ... a bad comparison maybe my point is this: if i was truly despicable (and some guys are) I would have SECRETLY kept looking at your blog for months… So I’m not despicable I’m merely pathetic and lacking the self control when it comes to wanting to know everything about you ... and yeah i do want to know that ... i fucking miss being your cheerleader… DO NOT RULE OUT THE POSSIBILITY THAT I LOOKED AT YOUR BLOG NOT JUST TO FIND OUT WHAT YOU WERE DOING, BUT BECAUSE I FUCKING GET A BIG GIANT SMILE WHEN I HEAR ABOUT HOW COOL YOU ARE!

Purely practical... like it’s even possible I could be a better ex boyfriend if I knew more about you instead of less. Case in point, when it wasn’t a betrayal..... If I’d have found your blog before we broke up ... back then it might have saved the relationship.. I like to think I would have got us both help sooner ... but now it’s just betrayal I guess ...

so some more honesty ... if I told you I would never look at it again I doubt I could make good on that promise ... it’s just yet another way my feelings for you reach beyond boyfriend girlfriend to father daughter ... it’s like I’m thinking well you won’t ever talk to me again but at least I can see youre ok on Facebook or tumblr or something ... so point is if you keep posting to that blog and to this tumblr I’d still look ... long after we have both moved on to someone else .. I could marry some woman and she’d wonder why I’m on some 20 something’s tumblr and be like oh it’s nothing and try to hide it from her ... if i talked to her about you she’d hear in my voice the candle I’d still hold for you...

In that respect there is something about further contact I think we need to finally put in writing and if I could write it in stone i would... I get that as your ex boyfriend you don’t want to appear vulnerable to me.. you already have three dads, you don’t need a 4th but that’s kind of where I’m at here... I don’t think of myself as strictly an ex boyfriend but as a dad who would never not have the time for you ... for instance you know this door would never be closed to you.

Now I know you can take care of yourself I’m just saying in an extreme emergency

more honesty you can block me here but your tumblr is public viewable to anyone not logged into tumblr I assume you know that... more honesty ya know what????

your tumblr IS FUCKING RAD!!! setting aside all the emotions both good and bad if we were total strangers I’d totally follow you ...

I hate the fact that we are exes means I don’t get to be a stranger and go wow that chicks FUCKING AWESOME!

Anyway, i hope you’ll think about this and after the anger of betrayal subsides you might think it’s ok idk I’d like that your tumblr is cool!

This will probably be the last things I get to say for awhile so I started feeling better about being blocked yesterday ... like I said above, the reason why is that it’s probably easier for me being blocked than it is texting you and staring at the phone for hours waiting for a response ... which is what was happening ... blocking me just takes away from me something I already don’t have anyway ... so yeah I’m just like well if I was unblocked how would that make anything better? It wouldn’t.

I don’t know if I can think of any other last worlds ... oh i didn’t throw away anything you gave me ... it’s all packed up in two boxes labeled “amber”... encasing something in amber preserves it somehow ... it’s out of sight and out of mind as much as it can be so I don’t spend my days in tears looking at it, yet our year remains preserved encased in amber like a 99 million year old frog.

One last way I’m weak and pathetic.. I probably would have let you throw your youth away on 50 year old ... or maybe I wouldn’t do that, and this is pretty weird but maybe I did all this fucking up so you wouldn’t throw your youth away on a 50 year old and also not spend much time being too hard on yourself

It’s all my fault we are no longer together.

p.s. to any reader who wants to know what I found when I found her blog, I’m a huge fan of the tv show LOST, so some things never get answered. This isn’t about that, this is about something else. Put it this way, I still really didn’t get the definitive answer or closure I was looking for, all I found was more questions, and I was just DESTROYING EVERYTHING I HELD DEAR IN MY HEART. That’s the only thing that will ever happen when you go looking for THOSE KIND of answers.

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