#I was talking on discord about this the other day but. YEE

[secretmellowblog]

You know how Nick/Gatsby and Holmes/Watson and Enjolras/Grantaire are super popular gay classic lit ships? I’m genuinely surprised there’s not a slash-shipping community around Sydney Carton and Charles Darnay from a Tale of Two Cities…like. I get the reason Darnay/Carton isn’t popular is because no one cares about A Tale of Two Cities but their relationship is so bizarrely homoerotic for literally no reason! It’s like Built to be some Dark Academia tumblr ship! I think Carton/Darnay should be in the tumblr gay classic lit canon, repping Dickens and the way Dickens’ misogynistic inability to write convincing heterosexual relationships results in his characters seeming extremely gay.

I could write an entire essay on why A Tale of Two Cities makes more sense if you ignore Dickens’ intent and read Carton as gay (with quotes supporting my point) but like. Carton insists he’s in love with Darnay’s wife Lucie but spends much more of his page-time talking to/flirting with Darnay (to the point where he’s never had an on page conversation with Lucie until he “confesses his love” to her in a scene where he also immediately rejects himself for her, and insists that their relationship would be Impossible for Reasons and that his heart isn’t Capable of feeling things the way it should, as if he’s chosen to convince himself he’s in love with her because she’s unattainable and he will never have to be in a relationship with her.) Darnay and Carton have all these tense charged snarky interactions that feel like fanfic. Darnay’s thing with Lucie is pretty bland but there’s this huge emphasis on the fact that he and Carton are “counterparts.” Whenever Dickens tries to write Carton as being sad that Lucie loves another man it generally comes across as Carton being jealous of Lucie, because he’s almost never had a full conversation with Lucie and spends most of his time instead having these very sad clingy desperate pathetic conversations with the men who love her. Carton has a weird homoerotic thing going on with his jock law partner Stryver, who he sacrifices everything for and spends all his time with and lets invade his personal space/walk all over him for reasons he refuses to explain (all while Stryver repeatedly mocks Carton for being incapable of falling in love with women). Carton ultimately sacrifices his life for Darnay by forcibly taking off Darnay’s clothes and disguising himself as him….like?

One of their first interactions is Carton heroically saving Darnay’s life, then drunkenly calling himself Darnay’s “counterpart” and asking him on a date.

Like.

Hm.

This feels like the banter you’d find in an Enjolras/Grantaire fanfic:

Fellas is it gay to

But yeah! The main thing people remember about A Tale of Two Cities are the cool peasant women revolutionaries, who Dickens is trying to portray as villains but who are actually the best characters in the book. And if I’m going to be mean to my high school self (who was obsessed with ATOTC for some reason) I’d say that the central melodrama between Carton/Darnay/Lucie is a weakness of the novel because Carton’s arc has nothing to do with the political French Revolution stuff, so his sacrifice feels thematically disconnected from all the book’s attempts at political commentary. HOWEVER. I think it works better if it’s gay.Also the Vengeance and Madame Defarge are gay, but people aren’t ready for that conversation!

So yee!! people on tumblr love ships that are like “hot goody-two-shoes classic lit boy in a suit x hot snarky classic lit sadboi in a suit”, but so few ppl remember Carton and Darnay, who were repping that all the way back in the 1790s 😔😔😔😔😔

#posts made for a max audience of 2 people #ALSO Sydney Carton is who people want Grantaire to be. he’s fanon Grantaire #but that’s another post #A Tale of two cities #Sydney carton #Charles Darnay #carton x Darnay #I was talking on discord about this the other day but. YEE #anyway carton was my first poor little meow meow #he did nothing wrong #if high school me was on tumblr I would’ve written so many posts about him being my poor blorbo #he’s just a very sad wet pathetic creature

[wintryethereal]

Thoughts from the past month and a half, I guess

TW: depression, mention of loss of adoptive father.

Disconnected flow of thoughts, read at your own discretion.

Working on my book series is cathartic not just to play with my ideas but because I have an irrational fear that no woman will ever be romantically interested in me, all because my personality disorder beats me up with my own memories. Faina Laward is literally living my dream by having Karma Brestin and Ba'al Berith as her love interests. I have my own character and love interests in the books. Faina is a physically suitable heroine, I'm not.

The thoughts that kept me up until 6 AM which my quetiapine now mostly quell occasionally shit on my self-esteem whenever I can’t occupy my brain with writing, videos or games. The thoughts include my high school memories, the entire holiday season of 2019, as that was when I lost my adoptive dad, and my status as a single bisexual panromantic woman who has only ever been hit on by cishet men. I have no social life because I realized that, even online, I’m not good at it, even when I push myself to meet new people, (that’s a fucking lie, see the next paragraph). I at some point in the past two months or so realized I was stressed, overstimulated and underappreciated by my two ex-boyfriends, while my LOTRO kinship friends, who I barely talk to simply because I don’t open Discord everyday, which is definitely part of why I ghost people, oops, have shown the most love to me in the past year.

I have and can be a good, attentive friend. I know it’s probably my self-isolating schedule and lifestyle, but even as an almost always online person, non-cishet men very rarely PM me when I join a new server. A couple weeks ago, a woman needed to chat with someone as she was mentally preparing to leave her cheating and neglectful husband. We talked for maybe two days. She wasn’t overwhelmed or intimidated by my many layers. I had edited my introduction post in that server twice. After the first time, a rude INTJ cishet man who I don't think actually understood that I wasn't interested in his comics, which he didn't show me so I could compliment him, nor care about his writing group which he didn't tell me about in any further detail, and how his first message questioned the critical state I was in, that day, desperately needing to talk to someone after having socially isolated for at least a month, in a way that just urked me and made me afraid and impulsively fear him as a psychopath. All because he had allowed me to be open, as I prefer to be, without offering anything in return but words akin to "I'm sorry". Fucking bullshit. As a result, him and I had a huge disagreement, insultied each other, and blocked.

Do I just have horrible luck? My brain doesn’t help me at all, or at least that's how I remember all of my friendship attempts going. I’m so miserable, I feel abandoned and unloved by the people who make me awe and remember the good parts of humanity. And I'm become afraid of talking with them because so many of them have already been hurt in social situations. All of my K-pop Twitter friends have their own groups and are dating each other. I haven’t talked to any of those people in over a year, as a result. I desperately just want non cishet men to socialize with. It shouldn’t be this hard, but it is.

It’s almost like I have ADHD going on with my autism, yee fucking haw! 

As a Virgo INFP (I probably would be INTJ if my foster parents had given a shit, thus preventing my personality disorder), things can get really sad in my brain. I do my best to just allow myself to be sad ‘cause I’m home and in my bedroom all the time, so I can just yeet myself into bed and cuddle my Zhongli body pillow and talk to whatever character my brain says will do the trick. I should totally have a Kokomi body pillow too lol. I talk, cry if my brain and the scenario I create allows for it, and work my way towards a joke, a cute platonic or romantic moment so I can get back to writing, or take a “hippo nap” if it’s day-time or my meds half an hour early if it’s ten o’clock. I've had scenarios where I roleplayed for two hours and looked at my phone wishing it was ten or 10:30. The scenarios reboot a lot, especially if I’m trying to roleplay interacting with women or queer people to comfort myself. 

Yeah. I’m used to playing by myself. Probably to my downfall. I came out as pansexual when I was fifteen, right around the time Mom was trying to help me figure out why I was so miserable. I still adore and feel attracted everyone. I just kept looking at people and realized the masculine and feminine presenting people get me the most excited, make me blush, smile, awe and rewind to examine what they looked like. God, I love fashion, it’s so great. There’s so much to learn and unpack, and I don’t even know where to start to tell you about that!

Sigh. Oh. Oh, that helped, shit. OK, well, time to take my meds. I'm gonna go lay down and think happy thoughts, imagine myself on my magic train to the North Pole filled with singing and dancing idols, and all of that fun stuff. Y'all can ask questions and talk to me if you want. Take care everyone, bye.

#updates #current mood #personal vent #long post #i'm probably going to delete this #but also this blog was dead #so i'll probably keep it #sad bisexual #seriously ya'll can DM or reblog w/your thoughts #i am accepting words from everyone who isn't a cishet man lol

[wonderwomanfantasy]

ExplicitExplosions is online

This Idea has been bouncing around in my head for a while now so I'm using this prompt to spin my wheels

Deaf!Bakguou x Deaf!Wolf!Reader

warnings: none? slight angst over appearances, the usual warning for cursing.

word count: 1,900 (about)

summary: it's all fun and games to talk to him online, but are you ready to meet him in real life? let him see your face? that's hard to say.

You sat impatiently refreshing the page over and over again waiting for an update. But the gray banner didn’t update. ExplicitExplosions is offline.

It was bullshit really, you’d been sending messages all day back and forth while you were at work, it shouldn’t bother you so much that Explicit was a little late but it did. The live show would start in just a couple of minutes and who were you supposed to talk to about if your best friend was offline?

You’d randomly met Explicit in a discord for Red Riot fans and started talking back and forth. It turned out the two of you had a lot in common and soon switched to DMS instead of ranting in the main channels whenever you were both online.

One of the things the two of you had in common, was a romance anime starring a Deaf lead, something you both could appreciate, but the show had gone months without updates, so this live show with the creative team announcing “something new” was wildly exciting.

You refreshed the page again and this time his name turned green. ExplicitExplosions is online. You grinned and quickly started typing.

EarsnTail: hey hey

ExplicitExplosions: Jesus you can’t even let me be online for two seconds without beating me over the head

EarsnTail: you’re late, this is your fault

ExplicitExplosions: cringe

EarsnTail: cringe + Ratio

EarsnTail: anyways are you excited? Only a few minutes till start.

ExplicitExplosions: fucking obviously I’m excited I’m here, aren’t I?

EarsnTail: hehe ExcitedExplosions. :)

ExplicitExplosions: blocked.

Your teasing had to take a back burner for a while as the stream started. You typed your thoughts out Idlily while keeping your eyes on the screen. The live cc wasn’t great but you were able to manage with the half-broken sentences and the live chat scrolling by in the other corner.

EarsnTail: yayyyy! A season two after all this time I hope it’s good :D

ExplicitExplosions: the animation they showed looks good. I'm excited.

EarsnTail: I’m just excited to see more of the story I’ll probably watch it even if it’s on a shoestring budget

ExplicitExplosions: it sounds like they have the budget to go wild with this “anonymous Backer” just throwing money at them

EarsnTail: yeah that was weird who do you think this anonymous fan is?

ExplicitExplosions: probably just some dumb fuck celebrity with too much money

EarsnTail: a dumb fuck celebrity who earned themselves a kiss from me I’m so excited.

ExplicitExplosions: So all someone needs to do is buy a show and they get kisses from you?

EarsnTail: yee

ExplicitExplosions: slut

EarsnTail: >:0

EarsnTail: rude, don’t act like you aren’t happy too.

ExplicitExplosions: I’m happy I'm just not running around kissing people.

You talked with Explicit for a few more hours before forcing yourself to shut the computer off and go to sleep for the night. You had work in the morning and you couldn’t spend all night talking to Explicit.

He worked tomorrow so you wouldn’t be able to talk to him as much but you would still find solace in spamming him with messages and memes and getting his annoyed reaction to it all a few hours later.

ExplicitExplosions: Goodnight I’ll talk to you tomorrow

EarsnTail: as soon as you get off?

ExplicitExplosions: Clingy.

ExplicitExplosions: but yeah I’ll message you first thing.

With that last message, his icon ticked to offline. Then instantly ticked backed online

ExplicitExplosions: oh before I go, you live in Yokohama right?

You paused for a minute thinking how to respond, He never asked for personal information like this, and you didn’t even know his real name.

EarsnTail: I live a little outside the city but yeah, close.

ExplicitExplosions: I’m going to Yokohama for work in about a month, we should meet up.

Then his icon went red. ExplicitExplosions is offline, and this time he stayed disconnected. You could feel your heart hammering against your chest. Meet him? In-person? But that meant he would have to see what you looked like.

You reached up and touched your ears. They were pointed and the gray fur was soft. Most people with animal quirks had advanced senses, or even super strength and speed. Your quirk on the other hand was mostly for show, the ears, your tail, even your sharpened teeth, and nails, none of that was good for anything practical.

What would he think about your looks? Oh my god, what would he look like? You didn’t even know his name let alone what he looked like, how would you find him in a crowd? That was assuming that you even did meet up with him. No. You definitely wanted to meet him, despite all of your worries, you wouldn’t miss this opportunity to meet him.

Again you found yourself waiting at your computer refreshing the page over and over again.

ExplicitExplosions is offline. You groaned in frustration and slammed your computer shut rubbing your eyes. It was not fair, he was always the one making you wait. It was such a dick move to drop a bomb on you like he wanted to meet up and then just ghost you. He can wait for me for once. You thought.

A second later you opened up your laptop again. He was online.

ExplicitExplosions: hey

ExplicitExplosions: hey dumbass where are you

EarsnTail: god who’s clingy now.

ExplicitExplosions: you’re always the one to message first. It freaks me out when you aren’t constantly up my ass.

EarsnTail: sounds like you missed me

ExplicitExplosions: shut up.

EarsnTail: anyways, I thought about what you said last night, I’d like to see you while you’re in Yokohama

ExplicitExplosions: can’t wait, I really need a local to show me around.

You were nervously playing with your cup with one hand and scrolling through your phone with the other. ExplicitExplosions is offline. Any minute now, he’d meet you at the restaurant the two of you agreed on.

Maybe he got lost, or his train got delayed or whatever he did for work was keeping him late. You wished he’d just text you so you knew what was going on and how far away he was.

You forced yourself to drop your phone and stop worrying the edge of your teacup, but then you just started picking at your shirt. You hoped you looked alright and that your description of yourself would be enough for him to find you. You didn’t mention your quirk, just a general description and what you were wearing. You were looking for a blonde boy in a red riot hoodie.

You looked up around at the people walking by. No one blonde in a Red Riot hoodie. However, there was a large crowd forming. You stood up on your tiptoes trying to see what was happening, whatever it was it was starting to get closer like the crowd was being pushed closer to you. As people moved you saw what everyone was staring at.

Pro hero Dynamight. You felt your breath get stuck in your throat for a second. It looked like he was trying hard not to get noticed, he was wearing a cap and a large RedRiot hoodie but his blonde spiky hair still stuck out and you could still see his crimson eyes, there was no mistaking who it was, and if the swarm of people around him was any indication you weren’t the only one who noticed.

Your heart was in your throat. You should ask for a picture, or an autograph, you forced yourself to sit back down. What a stupid idea, Dynamight was notorious for being brash and rude to his fans, even if he was one of the only Deaf pro heroes in all of Japan that didn’t mean he’d want to put up with you stumbling over your own fingerspelling while asking for his attention.

You pulled your phone out again.

EarsnTail: where are you

EarsnTail: you need to get here now now now

EarsnTail: you’ll never guess who’s here just walking down the street.

EarsnTail: you’re going to kick yourself for being late not just for standing up a pretty girl like me but you’re missing the chance to see THEE Dynamight!!!

You glanced back up to look and he was staring right back at you, coming closer. Your hands went numb and your phone slipped from your hand landing on the picnic table. He waved at you.

Your mouth fell open and you couldn’t help but check behind yourself to make sure he really was waving at you. There was no one else but you.

He sat down across from you stiffly.

“You forgot to mention the ears, that would be a better way to find you” he signed. You almost sprung out of your seat and strangled him.

“You could have mentioned that you were a fucking Pro hero that would have been a better way to find you” you signed back he burst out laughing.

“Again again, when you sign all angry like that,” he said. You were more than happy to snap at him again until he got it.

You saw his cheeks go red.

“I didn’t think you’d recognize me,” he admitted shyly.

“How? You’re the number two hero!” did he not see the people staring at him? Everyone knew who he was.

“Well, you know my name, tell me yours,” he demanded. You let that sink in for a minute, there was so much about Dynamight online. His favorite color, food, and number. His blood type, his childhood, his day-to-day life all of that you could just look up if you didn’t already know.

It felt like cheating. You introduced yourself and watched carefully as he spelled it back to you making sure he got it right.

Then you weren’t sure what else to say, so the two of you just sat staring at each other. This was so much harder than just texting him, online you didn’t feel this pressure.

“This is weird isn’t it?” he asked.

“A little,” then nothing. Katsuki pulled out his phone and gestured for you to do the same.

ExplicitExplosions is online. You shifted awkwardly as you saw him read your messages.

ExplicitExplosions: So you’re a fan of mine?

EarsnTail: I guess you could say that… It’s weird to think that it’s you that I’ve been talking to.

ExplicitExplosions: why? I’m just another person

EarsnTail: I guess so but still don’t you have heroes you were nervous to meet? Wouldn’t it be weird to talk to them about anime?

ExplicitExplosions: I’ve never really thought about it like that.

ExplicitExplosions: But yeah I get that, I was actually really nervous to talk to you.

EarsnTail: me why?

ExplicitExplosions: I don’t know, I really look forward to talking to you at the end of each day, I was worried that things would change between us after meeting in person.

EarsnTail: so, have things changed between us?

ExplicitExplosions: Definitely. Now that I’ve seen how cute you are Things are totally different.

Your heart did a somersault. Thee Dynamight was hitting on you. Your best friend for the last two years was hitting on you. And you liked it.

EarsnTail: Shame that you got here too late to make this a date

ExplicitExplosions: I’ll just have to get you next time, now look up at me I want to see that cute face.

ExplicitExplosions is offline.

EarsnTail is offline.

#bakugou x reader #chat fic #dynamight #my hero academia #my hero academia imagine #my hero acadamy #my hero academia head cannon #prohero au #Bakugou x Deaf!Reader #fem reader #deaf bakugou

[soft--dragon]

Tree House Bros

Based on the headcannons some lovely people on discord and I discussed at an ungodly hour and I wanted to write something because the ideas we thought of were too adorable not to :D Jam and Anakin, this one’s for you guys ✊✊✊ Let’s goooooooo

Word Count: 1,964

Warnings: None

This is a SFW tickle fic, if you don’t like that then don’t read :)

Charlie wouldn't be ashamed to admit that he has grown closer to Tommy. The boy was the human embodiment of sunshine, putting up a facade of brashness but really being soft underneath. He loved physical affection from his friends, something Charlie had been ecstatic about finding out. Hugs, hair ruffles, cuddles, Tommy was always willing to accept them. Charlie also discovered that praise would make the boy glow happily, so he took it upon himself to make sure he complimented the boy whenever he interacted with him. 

Charlie once proudly swept the boy up in a bear hug, yelling "LOOK AT THIS CHILD! THIS CHILD IS AMAZING!" All the while Tommy was flushed red but laughing at Charlie's loud claims. 

Charlie adored the teenager he'd managed to get so close to lately, to the point where he considered him his little brother. He'd been careful not to outright say that however. Wilbur always got scarily overprotective of Tommy whenever someone dropped the sibling bomb. His was more terrifying than Techno when he was in 'Big Bro Wilbs' mode. 

Still, Charlie thought of himself as Tommy's brother figure, alongside the multiple other people Tommy had cluelessly managed to adopt as siblings. And being a brother figure means there are certain rules and requirements you need to meet. 

One of which is knowing how to deal with a sad Tommyinnit. 

Charlie had started developing what he liked to call a 'Tommy Is Sad' radar and found the boy crying underneath a tree. He'd done what any good brother would and pulled him into a hug, comforted him, then helped him fix the issue that was causing him to be upset. Once that had been cleared up, Charlie had looked at the tree they were sitting under and decided right then and there that this would be the spot for them. 

The look on Tommy's face when Charlie revealed the tree house sitting in the oak tree branches would be a forever treasured memory. He'd hugged Charlie tightly, on the brink of tears that he quickly reassured the older they were purely from joy. The treehouse became their official meet up area. Anytime they needed each other for comfort, to vent, or to just hang out, the treehouse was the place to go. It had a massive slime plush that worked a beanbag for them, a large fluffy rug covering the floor and golden lanterns hanging from the ceiling. A chest sat in the corner stuffed with snack foods and drinks, their favorites of course. The treehouse was a treasured place for both of them. 

One day, Charlie was talking with Eret, then suddenly went stiff as a rod. 

"Charlie?" Eret blinked, "you good?"

"My T.I.S radar is beeping" Charlie said, turning on his heel and scanning the land quickly. 

"Your...your what?" Eret asked incredulously. 

"My brother needs a hug" Charlie rushed out his explanation, his eye catching a red and white shirt a little ways away. "Bye Eret!"

He bolted straight towards the sight of the bright sleeved clothing, leaving a very confused and slightly amused Eret in his wake. Charlie quickly approached the small cluster of trees where he spotted Tommy, slowing down so he could scan the area carefully. After walking a little further, he finally found the boy. He was curled in a ball underneath one of the tall trees, arms wrapped around his knees tightly and shoulders shaking. 

"Tommy?" Charlie crouched in front of the boy, cautiously reaching out to the boy. 

The boy flinched at his voice, tightening his grip on himself. "G-Go away Charlie" his voice shook with the broken, scared request. "P-Please I don't want to s-see anyone right now…" 

Charlie's heart ached when he heard a choked sob, Tommy hunched in on himself as he tried to muffle himself. Charlie bit his lip, looking down at the teen worriedly. He was clearly distraught, 

"Buttercup, can I pick you up?" Charlie asked softly, praying the boy said yes. He desperately wanted to hold his baby brother close and never let go until his tears had disappeared. 

Tommy raised his head slightly and Charlie felt his heart drop. Tommy's eyes were red and brimming with tears, his lip dented with bite marks and cheeks streaked with tear stains. He took a shaking breath in then nodded, slowly uncurling from his ball to raise his arms out to Charlie. The man gently looped the boy's arms around his neck and hefted him up. He held Tommy close who instantly pressed his face into Charlie's neck, taking in shallow breaths.  

Charlie's worry spiked further and quickly made his way to their treehouse. If anywhere could help the boy calm down it was there. 

Charlie was more than grateful they installed a pulley lift as the way to get into the treehouse. He gently set Tommy down on the large slime plush, placing his hand on the boy's head and brushing his thumb over Tommy's hair. 

"I'll be right back, gonna get you some water and snacks okay?" 

Tommy only nodded, curling in on himself again, sinking into the plush. Charlie dropped down to the chest and took out some cookies and water, quickly returning to his brother. Tommy was trying to dry his tears, only causing them to spread across his already stained face. Charlie dropped down in front of him, taking out a washcloth from his inventory. 

"May I?" He asked gently, holding up the cloth. 

Tommy studied it for a moment then nodded slowly, lowering his hands from his face, sniffing. Charlie placed his hand underneath Tommy's chin to tilt his head up. With gentleness only a brother could possess for his sibling, he carefully washed the tears from Tommy's face, apologizing softly when Tommy flinched slightly at the coolness of the damp material. 

Once Tommy's face was cleaned, Charlie offered him the water and cookies. They sat silently, Charlie keeping some distance between himself and Tommy in case he wanted space. Tommy nibbled on the baked goods, sniffing occasionally. 

"Are you gonna be okay?" Charlie asked quietly. 

Tommy swallowed his mouthful and flicked his slightly bloodshot eyes over to Charlie. 

"Yeah...no...I don't know…" he mumbled, subconsciously making himself smaller. "I don't know why I just broke."

Charlie looked at him sympathetically. "Some things can just pile up sometimes, it's nothing to be ashamed of Buttercup, it happens." 

Tommy smiled a little at the nickname but it disappeared as soon as it came. "Yeah it just never usually happens to me." 

Charlie watched his brother for a moment then opened his arms, holding them up. "C'mere." 

Tommy shuffled into the embrace, clinging to Charlie tightly once he leant against the older. Charlie wrapped the boy into his arms, holding him securely and firm but with the warmth and love Tommy deserved. 

"It happens to everyone Buttercup" Charlie reassured quietly. "It doesn't matter if it's common or not, breakdowns tend to sneak up eventually and it's healthy to have a bit of a cry every once and awhile." 

Tommy squeezed Charlie to him, nodding into his shoulder. "I don't like it though."

"And that's okay, I'd be a little concerned if you did" Charlie promised, then smiled and put on a Texan accent. "Have to lock ya up in the old prison cell for liking da breakdowns aye mate? Lil bit coo coo in the nogan for that one if ye ask me." 

Tommy giggled slightly into Charlie's shoulder making the older internally coo. The boy's giggles were the sweetest things you could hear. 

"What's got ya giggling like a hyena Tommy? Was it something I said? Nothin' funny about being thrown in yee ol' cell is there?"

The reply only got Tommy giggling more which in turn made Charlie chuckle. 

"Oh no! Seems I got a case of the giggles too! It's an infection! Tommy you're spreading a giggly disease! This is terrible! I must find a cure before it takes over the server!"

He gently spidered his fingers over Tommy's stomach and lower belly, grinning at the muffled squeal Tommy gave. 

"I think I've got it Tommy" Charlie began dramatically, "I think the cure is to tickle all the giggles out of you."

Tommy's laughter went higher at Charlie's words. "Nooooohohohoho" he groaned but his light hearted tone peppered with giggles let Charlie know he was okay. 

Charlie kept it relaxed and gentle, wanting Tommy to feel comfortable right now. Though he wanted the boy to laugh, he didn't want to exhaust him further by wrecking him. He gently pulled Tommy's back to his chest, hugging him from behind and softly scratching around his lower belly and sides. Tommy melted into the tickles, tipping his head back to rest against Charlie's shoulder as giggles spilled from his lips. 

"This okay?" Charlie asked, running his nails over Tommy's stomach. 

Tommy's giggles picked up slightly, sinking further into Charlie's chest. "Yeheheah" he murmured, "fehehehels nihihihice." 

Charlie felt his heart melt at the boy's words. How could one teenager be so cute?? 

Charlie massaged his fingers into Tommy's ribs, smiling when he squeaked through his giggles. He pressed into the divots and muscles of his ribcage, chuckling as Tommy squirmed against him. 

"Lehehess plehehease" Tommy pressed out between his heightened giggles.

Charlie complied instantly, moving back down to the sides of Tommy's stomach, wiggling his nails gently. Tommy melted into the touch, giggles calming again. 

"Thahahanks" he smiled up at Charlie. 

Charlie nudged Tommy's head with his cheek. "Of course Buttercup, only gonna do what makes you comfortable."

Tommy flushed slightly and a warm feeling blossomed in his chest at the genuine consideration for his feelings. Instead of answering he pressed his face into the crook of Charlie's neck, trying to hide his red cheeks. Charlie seemed to catch it however and cooed. 

"Naww, gotten a bit pink there Buttercup, you are so precious."

Tommy shook his head. "Nohohoho" he groaned, "I'm not." 

Charlie chucked, Tommy able to feel it rumbling from how heavily he was leaning on Charlie's chest. "I think everyone on the server would disagree with you on that one Buttercup, but whatever you say." 

He took a hand from Tommy's midsection to run it through the mop of curls on Tommy's head. Tommy arched his head up into the touch like a cat, a content hum emitting from his throat as his eyes fluttered closed. 

Charlie smiled at the sight. "Sleepy Buttercup?" He asked softly. 

"Mmmm" Tommy slurred, cuddling closer to the older. "Sleepy time?"

"Of course, I'll be here when you wake up" Charlie promised. 

Tommy smiled softly and nodded. "Okay...night Big C..."

"Sleep well Buttercup." 

It was a peaceful silence for a few minutes. Tommy leaned further into Charlie as his breathing evening out. His previous crying episode tiring him out and the gentle tickles easing him into sleep. Charlie kept gently carding his hand through his hair, messing with the blonde curls. 

'Suck it Soot' Charlie thought with a fond smile, 'bet you've never seen Tommy like this before.' 

Charlie opened his communicator and sent through a photo of Tommy sound asleep against him to Wilbur.

Pollen Boy

*Image file*

Hehehe look at himmmmm

He's so sweet Wil no wonder you adopted him as your little brother

Wiblur Scoot

Stop stealing Tommy Charlie >>:(

Pollen Boy

No <3

Wiblur Scoot

He's meant to be my Tommy

Pollen Boy

Sharing is caring Wil

Wiblur Scoot

He's my little brother

Pollen Boy

I like to think he's our little brother :D

Wiblur Scoot

Don't even think about it

Pollen Boy

Too late

I'm gonna get us matching hoodies

Wiblur Scoot

d o n t u d a r e

Pollen Boy

:3

I'm gonna get him socks too

Wiblur Scoot

CHARLIE NO

#mcyt tickle #dsmp tickle #ler!charlie #lee!tommy #tommyinnit #slimecicle #my fanfic #fanfic

[sugas-sweetheart]

Thank you, so much

It’s an absolutely crazy thing to wake up to so thank you all so so much for getting me to 400, for interacting, rebloging and liking 🥺

So to all my followers, ily and thank you so much for being apart of this writing blog

So, it’s time to say thank you to some mutuals!! Omg I am so so sorry if I’ve missed anyone please just comment and I’ll edit it in with my memory/thanks to you bc you all deserve it

FIRST OFF thank you @yee-harr and @spookykiri for telling me to and helping me create this blog! My irls I love you two so so much and you deserve nothing but the best, my loves 🥰

@oikaw-ugh my first mutual but we are both too awkward to talk through dm and just like and comment on each other’s posts ajdkskd ily though! Like I said, one of my first mutuals and you requested as soon as you found my account and I’m sorry that your second request is still in my drafts bc I’m finishing it <3

@kirislut one of my first few mutuals, I remember you saying something like “I hear you’re almost at 100” when I was in ur askbox congratulating you on 400 this is wild 😭 ily and I’m so happy you started a dm and then created the discord, damn I remember when we were just waiting for ppl to accept invites to the server and were just there - also you were one of the accounts I admired when I first joined tumblr ahdkakdn

@hinatas-sunshine another one of my first few mutuals!! We don’t interact as much but I like seeing you in my feed and I hope you’re doing well bby!! Your writing is so cute 🥺

@haikyunicorn we spoke in dms like once when we first became moots ahdkskd and that was, fun we bonded over being musicians ✨ but I like interacting with you when I see you on my feed <3

@icejins my 200th follower 😚 here’s your shoutout, Amy, go hit her up,, another account I admired, so it was weird to see you follow me and you know i freaked out 😭 either way, ily and your writing

@katsushimaa another account I admired lmao so again, the amount I freaked out when you showed interest in my smau and followed me back and started interacting with me like ahdjskd, ily yssa 🥰

@goopyartiste ISA ILY one of my moots before the server was created bc we wanted to play among us with other mutuals 😌 your howl Sero still gives me life and your wriTING ily

@bizzoldmann-08 your little messages to my askbox literally make my day when I see them and I’m sorry that I dont reciprocate bc I feel awkward in ppls askbox so that’s all on me but catch me going to ur askbox soon when I find the courage 😌

@vhskenma you’ve followed me for awhile but it wasn’t until you had a username change that we became moots ahdkskdn your account is so so cute ily and your little messages to my askbox 🥺

@aaakaaashii ahh we were mutuals for ages before you had the courage to start a dm bc I’m too awkward to 😭 interacting with you is so nice and fun and I’m sorry I haven’t interacted much recently ahdksk

@shoutamajiki @peach-pops @ordinary-ace @suggiebabe @estridries @hannahalanib1 @meliorist-midoriya @ohno-grapes @deephasoceanmagic @justamultifandomfan16 TO THE SERVER (I’m so sorry if I missed someone there’s quite a few of us) ILY ALL it was so nice to find such a nice group of ppl and playing among us with yall is sO much fun and just taking to you, you make me cackle most days ngl. If you have ever helped me finish a piece (deep tysm for that kiri one that I’m finishing) thaNK YOU and thank you all for being so kind and supportive, You’re amazing ppl

@mystic-helena you were literally amongst like just first 20 or 30 followers like??? That’s crazy?? And you’ve supported my blog for so long and yet we only became mutuals recENTLY I’m so sorry about that but you’re so so sweet when we interact 😚

@jmeyerss ahh a newer moot,, fellow sugawara lover, youre so nice when we interact and plEASE YOUR THEME?? THE BLACK WITH NEON COLOURS AS LIKE A GAME INTERFACE?? I love it 😌

@derpeedoo @boosyboo9206 @majestic-sea-flip-flop @kirishimas-wife hi hi!! I see y’all in my notifs a lot but we don’t interact that much or at all some of you so this is just a big thank you for liking or rebloging any of my posts bc I see y’all there a lot 💖

If you read all the way down good for you I guess!! I again apologise if I’ve missed, I’m so sorry but know that I loVE YOU - I just had a mind blank when I was writing this and kept having to go back when I thought of someone. So please don’t think I hate you if you’re not on here >_<

So thank you so much for supporting my dumb little writing blog and here’s to more interactions with you all 🥰

#sofia reaches 400 #it’s acc rlly crazy to think about #like 400 of you #FR THO THATS SO MANY PPL #wTF #you all saw this music and anime loving writing blog and went yeah #I’ll follow that one #and I’m here like 🥺 #ily all 😚

[peach-pops]

This self insert series was created/planned by the wonderful @shoutamajiki​ and is based off of the insane discord conversations and friendships we have made in the past few weeks. The story follows the female volleyball team from Okami International Academy, a school that has been ranked top three in the national team in Japan for the last five years. When the girls training camp gets cancelled, Okami’s coach makes a last minute call to attend the boys training camp where powerhouse teams from all over Japan come to practice under one roof.

The main plot/characters/masterlist for the series is found here .With permission from Nana, I have written a few snippets for the Okami self insert that are ‘bonus scenes’ that add more context/background for characters and loosely follows the main storyline.

Team Members: @kirislut, @goopyartiste, @katsushimaa, @nieve-blancas-deactivated202010, @hannahalanib1, @icejins​, @art0saurus, @sugas-sweetheart, @estridries​, @suggiebabe​, @shoutamajiki, @deephasoceanmagic, @yee-harr​, @spookykiri, @peach-pops​

Ⅱ. Bonus Scene Two 

[inspired by @kirislut​ ‘s “hit list” which shows how insanely thirsty she is for these 2D men and how we don’t slut shame on this team]

Meg’s sweet and infectious laughter could be heard all the way across the other side of the court which only piqued Hannah’s curiosity as she turned her head towards the sound. 

“ Your captain sure is popular,” Noya smiled down at his girlfriend and handed her a water bottle before taking a seat beside her,” she’s really hitting it off with Konoha over there.” 

Hannah took a sip of her water and nodded as she continued to watch the interaction between Meg and Fukurodani’s wing spiker,” Yeah, Meg has always been the type to hit it off with everyone, especially the guys. Usually, Emma and Nana would have to pry her away if it gets too distracting cause all the boys are wrapped around her finger.”

Noya nudged Hannah softly with his shoulder and wrapped his arm around her frame,” Not all the boys. You have my undivided attention babe.” 

Hannah leaned her head on his shoulder as she smiled to herself. Before she could respond to his sweet comment, Amy let out an audible ‘bleh’ from behind the couple. 

“ Get a room, my eyes physically ache watching you two in love. If I had an ice cream scooper my eyes would be out of their sockets by now.”

“ Then look away if it bothers you so much,” Hannah replied as she chucked her water bottle at Amy’s chest but Amy caught it easily,” and I don’t remember saying anything to you when you and Kageyama were ki-”

“ Finish that sentence,” Amy taunted back at Hannah,” go on. See what happens.” 

The two girls sat still for a moment and as oblivious as Noya could be sometimes, even he could sense the palpable tension between the two girls. Hannah was the first to break eye contact and groaned, mumbling obscenities under her breath. 

Amy smirked to herself but sat down beside Hannah anyway as they talked amongst themselves for a few minutes. 

“ Hey look, Emma’s back,” Noya broke the flow of the conversation as the three of them watched her walk into the gym. 

Emma’s eyes scanned the gym briefly as she looked for her captain and sure enough, there she was with Fukurodani’s number seven. Emma’s feet seemed to have a mind of their own as she briskly walked over to Meg, who had her hand placed on Konoha’s bicep. 

“ Your arms are so huge, do you bench?” Meg giggled as Konoha nodded, his face seemed to grow even more flushed than before,” you okay Kono? I can stop touching you if you want.”

“ No! I mean, I don’t mind, I like it,” Konoha gushed. 

Meg could feel her chest tighten in excitement at the sight of her making yet another boy flustered under her presence and she mentally took note of the interaction. If Meg was a witch, it would be obvious to everyone that she had all the boys wrapped around her spell but that wouldn’t be giving enough credit to Meg. 

She was always just that charming and lured people in with her charisma and for the most part, Emma was always there to hype her friend up around guys. Just not today. 

“ Sorry, I’m just going to borrow her for a second,” Emma interrupted as she gripped the back of Meg’s jersey and started to drag her outside of the gym into the courtyard. Konoha gave a small wave back to Meg and the sweet gesture alone made Meg’s knees weak. 

Meg whined as she stumbled alongside Emma and rubbed the back of her collar once Emma loosened her grip,” You better have a good reason for wrinkling my damn shirt and cockblocking me Em!” 

“ Where were you last night?” 

“ Sleeping with you guys in the room-”

Emma scoffed as she grabbed a stray newspaper from the floor, rolled it up, and bonked Meg on the head,” Liar. You were with Kyoutani last night...in the storage room!” 

Meg rubbed the top of her head as her face started to grow red,” N-No! Who told you that? Honestly Em, why would I lie to you?”

“ Oh sure, cause Hajime would totally lie about walking in on you two when he tried to find the bathroom last night! You guys traumatized the poor dude! And what made you think he wouldn’t tell me!” Emma retorted as Meg stopped rubbing her head to give her vice-captain a small smirk. 

“ Hajime? So you two are on a first-name basis now? Interesting,” Meg hummed as Emma only thwacked her in the head harder,” ouch okay stop that. Why does it matter if I was with Kyoutani last night? Are you- Are you slut-shaming me?” 

Emma rolled her eyes as Meg pouted back at her to make a lousy attempt at making her feel guilty,” Meg, even if you were a slut I wouldn’t slut-shame you-I would probably give you a card or something. Look, you know me, I have your back no matter what but you just need to tell me if you sneak off. I covered for your ass last night since Coach Yamazaki saw you weren’t sleeping next to me.” 

“ So what did you tell her?” 

Emma’s smirk grew as she shrugged nonchalantly,“ That you were shitting your insides out because of that meal the Karasuno boys cooked last night.” 

“ Emma you did not!” Meg gasped as she covered her mouth with her hands,” that’s so embarrassing! Why would you say that, oh my god!” 

Meg slapped Emma’s shoulder hard enough to let out a loud ‘smack’ sound but that only made Emma laugh even harder. 

“ That’s called karma for not telling me where you were. I don’t care that you’re flirting with almost every guy from each team, in fact, I applaud you for it! You just need to tell me if you sneak off so I don’t have to worry about you.” 

Meg opened her mouth to make a comment on Emma’s habitual habit of worrying for her but decided to wait for another time to tease her. 

“ I don’t flirt with everyone-”

“ Lie number two of the day. I found your hitlist page on your notes, it’s an agonizing read,” Emma sighed as she pulled Meg’s phone from out of her pocket and handed it to Meg,” I knew you had a thing for that tall dude from Nekoma you liar. That’s your second lie of the day!” 

Meg was at a lost for words as she held her phone against her chest protectively,” First of all, his name is Lev-”

“Don’t care-”

“And second of all, don’t look through my phone if you’re not prepared to see certain things...so what do you think of the list?” Meg asked, knowing full well Emma had thousands of snide remarks from the extremely detailed and psychotic list. 

Emma peeked her head back into the gym for a moment as if she was making sure no one else was around and then turned back to her in a soft voice,” Your comments on the Miya twins are troubling but accurate. Seriously, those Inarizaki are no joke, and I’m all up for juicy details but I rather not talk about what you said about Date Tech’s captain.” 

Meg laughed as she checked over her phone to see what she had previously written but before she could comment, Oikawa’s head poked out from the doorway and called out to the two girls. 

“ You princesses ready? We’re just about to start our practice match now unless I’m ruining a beloved moment,” Oikawa teased as Emma walked over and slammed the newspaper roll over Oikawa’s head, almost four times harder than she did with Meg,” ouch you’re so violent. You and Iwa-chan really are meant for each other.” 

“ Yeah, tell me about it.” 

As Meg walked past Oikawa, the two locked eyes for a moment and both gave each other an affirming nod, something Emma wouldn’t have been able to pinpoint if she had not read Meg’s list.

“ Toru?” Meg prompted sweetly as she stopped in front of him with an innocent gaze. 

“ Yes Meg?” Oikawa returned, and the way he said her name sent a shiver down Emma’s back.

Meg reached up to Oikawa’s shoulder at an agonizing pace and as cliche as it was, Oikawa could feel a shot of electricity ring through his body where she had made contact. 

“ You’re in my way,” Meg pushed the captain aside and caught up to Emma in long strides as Oikawa watched her walk away with a small smirk.

Emma thought back to Meg’s hitlist, something she had read over a million times in the span of only a few minutes and she couldn’t seem to get a certain sentence out of her mind. 

‘Oikawa- been there, done that.’

Once they were far enough away from Oikawa’s earshot, Emma nudged Meg with her hip,” So, you and Oikawa? Is there something going on between you two?” 

Meg shook her head and looked up at Emma. She could feel the gym lights grow hotter above her but Meg swallowed down a laugh and shook her head again,” Nope, never has and never will.”

Meg walked back over to the bench as Emma rolled her eyes for the millionth time that day because she had just caught Meg in lie number three.

#okami voleyball team #okami academy #okami haikyuu #okami volleyball team #haikyuu self insert

[shades4dogs]

i had a SUPER tiring day i mite talk abut later but RIGHT NOW i wanna talk about the make it sweet! album for Um Jammer Lammy because i listtened to than a couple days ago, and just today i showed it 2 my little brother, and i wanted to write down what i thought about the tracks!!

i wrote down my personal thoughts on each track and gave it a rating out of 5 Dashies (-= It’s because i’m autistic plain and simple

if you read all of this you’re officially a legend

[1/2) Let’s Jam Together!/KEEP YOUR HEAD UP!!] - waow!!!

I LOVE THIS SONG <3 i really liked this song when i heard it in the credits and was wondering what its name was, it was nice to hear it in the album as the very first track!!

i love the additional dialogue at the start, the “Hey, do you play the guitar? Let’s jam together!” really represents the ragtaginess of the band just kind of throwing themselves together to make music so naturally... like little jigsaw pieces... it makes me want to know exactly how they interacted before the formation of MilkCan, how long they’d known each other/how they had known each other, or if they met right as they made the band.

the playful and funny lyrics of this song are really great, and i like the way it trails off in the middle. like the song was just Katy Kat truly venting off her frustrations and heartbreak about someone she used to like.

i wonder who exactly Katy Kat is talking about here in this song... well anyways she’s got lammy now so all’s well (-=

the second portion’s lyrics sound a little dopey and off-key, but i think it reflects katy’s mood regarding the lyrics of how easy her life used to be, and it all comes together beautifully for the chorus reprise with some pretty strings (i love strings in rock music!)

i bet this kind of music really resonated with some young girls listening. Can’t relate however as I hate men.

overall this is a 5/5 dashies! “Amazing!”

[3) FRIGHT FLIGHT!!] - LOOK UP IN THE SKY.

THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SONGS IN THE GAME! when it started obviously i was expecting fussenpepper, and it was shocking to hear katy kat singing it

i think this is one of the covers that katy kat’s voice matches the most! her voice really fits shouting like that, it’s really hyped up

my favourite line from her cover is the “Now it’s time to move on, it only gets much harder, so carry on!”

and obviously i love hearing her say “Now do you like munchies? I wonder where lunch is!”

i do think that captain fussenpepper’s voice suits the song better than her, because it was made with him, but her voice definitely shines on this track!

overall this is a 4/5 dashies! “Really Good!”

[4) BABY BABY!!] - Imagine kids singing this on a car trip with their parents looking dead inside in the front seats.

I USED TO NOT LIKE THIS SONG. but playing it myself really warmed me up on it, and this version on the album made me like it even more!! i love katy kat’s additional lines between the baby’s, she suits giving those secondary vocals and they add a whole additional layer to the song.

i also like that the baby’s lyrics kind of echo over lammy’s guitar parroting, like you can hear the “... ma ma ma ma” coming in at the end of her first part, it sounds really nice!

this is the song i can really imagine kids shouting the lyrics to at a birthday party or something and i think they knew that when they added it O_O

overall this is a 4.5/5 dashies! “Almost Perfect!” i think it would’ve been cooler if the lammy and katy kat parts were more integrated with eachother. don’t ask me how exactly, because i don’t know, and maybe they didn’t either... it still came out REALLY nice!

[5) FIRE FIRE!!] - Aweome where is chief puddle? )-=

i think that this is my favourite song in the entire game, altho that will change depending on what day you ask me it, and a big part of it is fire chief puddle’s vocals and the brass and sound effects of the song

it kind of sucks that a lot of that seems lacking in katy’s version, although i like that it kind of seems like theres more emphasis on the percussions of it!

i don’t like the distant whispery vocals on the “Put it on the fire, feel good, Put it out cold and feel good”, it sounds really weird. because those lyrics are one of my favourites in the original song with chief puddle. i’d definitely rather listen to his version

overall this is a 3/5 dashies! “It’s Good!” i like katy’s vocals, but they definitely come out better on other tracks, and i miss chief puddle.

[6) PJ Berri Jam] - Much Love To The Funny Bear That Make’s Me Smile.

title made me a lot more excited for this song than i ended up feeling about it... OBVIOUSLY NO INSULT TO PJ’S JAM BUT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN COOL TO HAVE A BEAT WITH ORIGINAL LYRICS instead of just lines from the one cutscene...

it’d have been cooler if it was longer too, but i understand why it wasn’t, because the instrumentals work best in this little snippet instead of long-term where they’d definitely require more lyrics

i like that it sounds like the Fire Fire! parappa version considering that’s his first stage! i don’t know if there’s any verification to this, but it makes me think that the beats for all of parappa’s songs in Um Jammer Lammy are made by PJ, which is just really nice to think about... he’s so skilled ;_; PJ and parappa’s iconic collabs...

i don’t know how to rate this at all, but for the headcanon it gave me, i’m giving it a 4/5 dashies! “Really Good!”

[7) BIRTH SONG] - i wouldn’t play for someone else

EXTREMELY FUNNY NAME

i think i like the choir vocals of the song in the cutscenes, but i definitely love katy’s voice in this one, it sounds really sweet

i can’t remove it from the weirdness of the scenario (the first time i saw that shit i was so goddamn baffled) but this does actually Make It Sweet!

i love how her voice sounds in the chorus, and the last line (“Our newest little baby!”) sounds really nice in her voice!! 

IDK EXACTLY HOW TO DESCRIBE IT... her vocals just seem... sweetly genuine? like not that she’s really invested in what she’s saying, but just that she’s really enjoying singing it in a small and cute way? IDK... EITHER WAY i like it!

i like the additional lyrics as well! extensions to parappa/ujl songs should always be welcomed i think.

overall i rate this a 3.5/5 dashies! “Pretty Good!” weird song made fun and sweet by katy kat, thank you so much!

[8) THEME OF RAMMY] - music that makes you cause problems

yesssss YESSSSSSS YESSSSSSSSSS

WHEN I GOT TO THIS TRACK IT BECAME ONE OF MY NEW FAVOURITES OF THE WHOLE GAME!

i love the ditzy yet cool lull of the electric guitar, it sounds playful and silly, but with the aesthetic of the instruments used in the song it sounds awesome at the same time.

the strings throughout the song following the rhythm of that guitar add a slight classical feel to it as well that i really like, a level of elegance in contrast to the next part i describe

the muffled and staticy electric guitar parts sound so discordant, yet perfectly in control at the same time, and very In-Your-Face as they just come and go at random over the base sillysong. i really really like that, and it shows off Rammy’s fiery attitude!

i really love how the violent clash of the instruments seems to come together so well in this. it is a really well-made song that made me like Rammy more than i did previously. i think people who know me well will understand that i really like strings in otherwise intense songs, like violins and stuff, so i was really happy to hear some!

FULLY HONESTLY, MY ONLY WISH? is that it was longer. LOL

as an aside, the lull i described reminds me way too much of the theme for sam and max’s office in the TTG series. which obviously is a very personal reason to like the song more, but it is a reason for me NoneTheLess.

overall this gets a 5/5 dashies! “Amazing!”

[9) CASINO IN MY HAIR] - texan ear worm signs.

PAUL CHUCK COME GET YOUR SONG

ALSO THIS SONG BELONGS TO SANDY CHEEKS.

katy kat’s voice fits this song EXTREMELY SURPRISINGLY WELL! i like that she puts on the accent and everything, the rhythm of the lyrics and her enthusiasm go together so NICE!

i like the expansion of the lyrics and the repetition of it is one of its strengths, like any song of that kind (hopefully)

it’s a really big earworm for me, and every so often ill just sing out “Where’s that place that comes in pairs whenever I’m aware? Casino here, casino there, casino in my hair!” VERY SIMPLE YET VERY CATCHY

Yee Haw!

overall i rate this a 4.5/5 dashies! “Super Cool!” it couldn’t be better, but i wouldn’t say it’s one of the best, just for the sheer quality of the other songs i’ve given 5/5 to so far

SIDENOTE - [10) Radio Signal Jam] - F*ck you

OK. i like the presentation of this as if it’s playing live on a radio. it’s a nice little additional flavour to the whole thing that i enjoy immensely. HOWEVER.

nothing can match my disappointment at the next song not being Master Onion’s song. My heart will forever be broken by this traitorous deception. I was promised Tamanegi Sensei. Where is he! WHERE IS HE!!! WAS HE TO BUSY GAMBLING?? COME BACK I LOVE YOU

O-K let’s move on

[11) TASTE OF TERIYAKI] - songs that have mood swings

this song baffles me. i definitely get what they were trying to do with the intro portions with the dramatic quiet, the focus on the vocals and guitar with the creeping and echoing drums and reverberating electronic sounds

it could’ve been really cool, but for the most part it frankly sounds sh*t.

if they could’ve gotten some line re-dos from Teriyaki’s singer to match the lower tempo, it definitely would have sounded most excellent. But the use of the lyrics from the high-tempo song here is just jarring. when i showed this to my brother he genuinely just started laughing from how bad it sounded.

BUT HERE’S WHERE I CAN’T JUST RULE IT AS A BAD SONG.

THE SUDDEN SHIFT INTO THE HIGH TEMPO. IT IS BEAUTIFUL. IT ADDS SO MUCH EXTRA POWER TO THE CHORUS OF THE SONG. i like the song more with the brass and the backup singers, but this genuinely sounds so goddamn cool.

i LOVE the additional lines from teriyaki, it makes them sound even more like an idol! they sound amazing!

And then it stops. Back to the slow nonsense. I am left to dream of what could’ve been. i will say this one sounds better than the other one. Possibly because it’s shorter.

AND THEN THE AWESOME SONG COMES BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I’M LIKE YEAH WOO!!!!! i love the additional discordant sounds in this version, and i like that they did sometimes include the cool SHHH-PSHHH slap-ish sound in the chorus for this portion. the da da da DA DA! being with guitars instead of brass used to disappoint me, but the more i hear it here, the more i like it.

and then my favourite part of the song: the backup vocals combined with a fast rattling-off of teriyaki’s vocal lines from parappa’s version. this sounds godlike. This is the best. I roll around in circles listening to and thinking about this part. the fact that it fades out right as it gets to that breaks my heart into little pieces.

and then it’s over...

i think it’s very fitting that the song that takes over the album out of nowhere and is literally from hell is the most baffling and loved/hated by me. i don’t think i’ve ever been able to truly say that i both love and hate a song.

if someone was good enough at editing to combine this with the actual version of the song, as well as the vocal lines from parappa’s version, into an essentially extended cut of the album version without the weird slow parts, i would be forever indebted to them.

overall i rate this a ???/5 dashies. ”Help!” it flipflops way too much for me to give a number. Thank you Teriyaki Yoko.

[12) POWER OFF! POWER ON!] - HYYYYYYPE

i need to say it. this song has the coolest sounds in the entire game. this is one of the songs that i might abruptly decide is my favourite for a day or so and then go back to Fire Fire! or Taste of Teriyaki (game version). the guitar is most exquisite in this song.

my little brother adores this song, and a big part of that is credited to the silly vocals of Paul Chuck. he’s like Goofy but extra lethal. i love him

ANYWAYS. after Fire Fire! i was concerned that this song’s vocals would be replaced entirely by Katy, but it seems like they understood Paul Chuck’s integral nature to the charm of the song, and so we get a back-and-forth of them both singing lines, with lammy playing in between. it sounds REALLY good!

i like the additional lines by Chuck at the beginning during the intro. they’re a nice little bonus for the three Paul Chuck fans that exist (two being me and my brother)

as always, gotta love katy kat’s vocals!! they definitely benefit from being combined with the vocals of the original song. the chorus parts where they both sing in unison sound AWESOME!!! i wonder if the Fire Fire! cover would have benefited from this alternation....

the filter over the “NEVER USE JOE CHIN’S CHAIN’S FOR THEM!” really adds to it as well! i like that addition.

by the way my favourite line from this song is the “All I wanna hear is you’ve come over here, there’s no fooling around with gears!” it just has such a good flow. not really explicitly related to this version specifically, maybe less so since i prefer it with Chuck’s voice over Katy’s, but yeah.

this song is really hard for me in-game. like, more than any other song i think, apart from Taste of Teriyaki. which i would like to thank this song for allowing me to escape from (-=

this gets a 5/5 Dashies and a “DA-HYUCK!” from me!

[13) WE ARE MILKCAN!!] - Woaah My Head Is Spinning!

another original that only plays during the cutscenes, understandably without the vocals. i liked it then, and i like it even more now!

katy’s lyrics add SO SO MUCH to the high-tempo intensity of the introduction to this song, and the chaos of the entire thing makes it really fun to listen to

i do still enjoy the slower parts of this song! i can imagine katy singing this as the events she describe happen in real time. i really like listening to her try to encourage lammy and ma-san to get it together and play with her. 

the bouncing between the full music of her lines contrasting with the quiet and dinky replies of ma-san and lammy makes this track really fun to listen to!

after that part, it goes back to sounding like the intro portion again, but increases in tempo drastically overtime, before suddenly slowing down again and then launching into high speed at random. it’s a really fun and theatrical and dramatic piece to listen to!!!

personally though, it’s not so much my thing based on the sound alone. it’s definitely a great song but i like things a little more relaxed and orderly than this. the quality of it comes from the lyrics and the emotions they manage to carry through with the instrumentals. its a really good glimpse into the nature and personality of MilkCan!

i give this song a 4/5! “Really Good!” there’s nothing i’d suggest to improve this song. it’s just a little to hectic for me, and feels more like music for a theatrical play than any other track. i generally don’t like that kind of stuff (altho there’s definitely exceptions)

SIDENOTE - [14) Jam Chin] - F*ck you eggplant head saunaman.

You disrespected Parappa. You disrespected Sunny Funny and her sweet smile. You have disrespected MilkCan.

Thank you Ma-San for killing this man. I love U.

[15) GOT TO MOVE! (Millennium Girl)

the final song... i knew it would be Got To Move... it makes COSMIC sense

i like the additional little part before the song begins giving some time to breathe in before my head starts screaming in excitement at this song.

this is an AMAZING song and another one of my little brother’s favourites! he likes to sing it! it’s not one of my favourites but it’s definitely revered with me. it’s a sheer quality song and the one that best captures the soul of MilkCan!!

and i have to say. this album version made me like it EVEN MORE. at first i was enjoying the regular song, but then in the second part PARAPPA comes in with the alternate lines from his version in-between Katy Kat’s lines. it is SO SO SO cool. i often think about how songs in the game would sound with parappa’s versions incorporated in some fashion like this and it comes out so EPIC!!

it seriously made me pog SO hard when i heard him coming in. SOOOO exciting!

some thought notes about this song:

i really like the guitar during the portion leading up to the chorus, it sounds really cool.

katy’s singing in the chorus itself is the best of ALL her singing! her voice blends perfectly with the tone, the pitch shifts, the vibes... angellic truly

parappa‘s lyrics in-between add such an awesome additional energy, especially the lyrics that go on a little longer, like “But let me give you a word of advice, it seems like a waste of time, but it’s nice!” those lines shine the most to me.

my other favourite part is the rapid backforth in the later part of the chorus, especially the “GO! ON! MOVE! ON!” between katy’s lines. it goes together IMPECCABLY

it should be obvious, but this song gets a 5/5 Dashies from me! “Amazing!” it truly blew me away, just like the 5/5 Dashie portions of Taste of Teriyaki did. i love the fact that Parappa’s lines are slightly more muted and behind a bit of a filter to make sure the focus is on Katy’s iconic lines, but are clear enough to be enjoyed.

Truly Thank U so much if you read this far... i love u so mach.... thank you for listening to me ramble about my current hyperfix <3 (-=

#txt #ptr #um jammer lammy #autism moment

[flvcr]

— ( harry styles, twenty-five, cismale, he/him ) did you see ETIENNE FLUOR walking down main street earlier? you know who i’m talking about, they’re a POTTER / HOCKEY PLAYER. everybody in town says that they’re IDEALISTIC & INTUITIVE, but have a tendency to be UNPREDICTABLE & DESTRUCTIVE too. ETIENNE has been in town for THREE years. c'mon, they’re always requesting RUNNIN’ WITH THE DEVIL BY VAN HALEN at karaoke nights. well, i’m sure you’ll see them soon! @westmerestarters​

hiya! i am kt &+ underneath the read more is a LOT of info about my bb, etienne. ** insert clown emoji but make ‘em yee-haw ** if you’d like to plot you can reach me on here or at space cowboy#8536 on discord !! <33 v excited to interact with y’all and your bbs !!

𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖎𝖈𝖘

name: etienne ‘ marcel ‘ fluor. 

nicknames: goes by marcel, only allowing very few people to call him etienne.

gender / pronouns : cismale / he, him.

age: twenty-five.

birthday: june 27th.

zodiac: cancer !!

orientation: pansexual / panromantic.

occupation: hockey player ( currently injured ) // potter ( for fun ) !!

languages spoken: french, english & italian.

𝖎𝖓𝖘𝖕𝖎𝖗𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

- PINTEREST - featuring his wardrobe, his home, his aesthetic, some character inspo and olive, his german shepard pup !!

- SPOTIFY PLAYLIST - what he is currently listening to !!

personality type: INFJ-T / THE ADVOCATE

moral alignment: chaotic good

style-wise: etienne is v stylish, but isn’t overly flashy by any means. he’s intuitive in the sense of what works and what doesn’t. willing to explore the latest wardrobe craze, but also just likes what he likes and likely won’t venture out unless pressed by another to do so. post coming soon for his wardrobe !!! they say that the cancer man’s clothing is selected to reflect “ sophistication over flash “ but kdgjn i’ll let ya’ll be the judge of that. he’s v much harry inspired clothing wardrobe, but also tones it down with some casual looks, especially when it comes to getting his hands dirty in creative aspects !! but can be a bit on the flashier side as well, especially w/ hockey press and what not !!

𝖇𝖆𝖈𝖐𝖌𝖗𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖉

   etienne ‘ marcel ’ fluor was born in montpellier, france to two lovely parents, theodore and estelle fluor ( both born in england themselves ) . he is the youngest of his siblings, having one older brother and an older sister, all of them being roughly two years apart. at the age of eight, his family relocated to montreal, canada as a result of a promotion his mother received, which at such a young age, etienne had no qualms with, despite his siblings’ uneasiness.  upon moving to a new country at a young age, etienne truly found himself via escaping into various books and movies. often attempting to write his own and would force encourage his siblings to act his skits/plays out for his parents enjoyment. he continues to be very close with his parents and siblings - recently he taught his parents how to use facetime, so catch him face timing his family on sunday nights. 

   growing up, etienne also enjoyed playing all types of sports ( his parents signing him up hoping that he’d make friends as a result, which he did ). when it came down to it, athletic abilities-wise, there truly wasn’t anything that he wasn’t ‘ good ’ at, and that’s simply because he’s always been such a competitive individual / as well as a perfectionist. that competitive/perfectionist energy caused him to go home and practice a skill or trick for hours in order to be able to come back the next day and whoop everyone’s asses. overall, he’s very athletic, found alternating between various sports offered not only at school, but as well as through local clubs. ultimately, his love and appreciation for hockey swayed him and soon enough it became his sole focus. due to his perfectionist tendencies, etienne is very dedicated to his craft, he will spend hours practicing specific tricks and skills in order to be the best at what he does, which transcends past hockey and into, really, every aspect of his life. 

   throughout highschool ; etienne was a v dedicated student. although he’s a bit reckless and loved to goof off, he was always acing classes and applying himself. he genuinely cares for others, you could’ve seen his ass volunteering at a soup kitchen with his mom on sundays and what not, as well as take part in various clubs and sports ! just SOFT and sporty things. during this time, he joined the ontario hockey league and from there was eventually scouted out and recruited to the pittsburgh penguins as a defenseman at the age of eighteen - forgoing his parents desire for him to attend a university. although he enjoyed his time with pittsburgh, he was excited when the idea of being traded came up - eager to explore a new city and immerse himself in a new area. 

      trigger warning - injury, dislocation ( just in case !!!! ) however, he really didn’t enjoy new york ( hehe ), so he relocated to westmere soon after his initial arrival to nyc - finding a lot of comfort in living in a less populated area. he would commute during the hockey season to nyc, which to him wasn’t very far away, so this is where he’s been residing for the last three years !! however, in the last couple of weeks while training for the upcoming season my lil bb injured himself - not to get into tooooo much detail, i’ll just leave it at shoulder dislocation / joint separation due to a hard hit !! basically he’s out for this upcoming season, already having surgery completed, he’s currently healing for the next couple of months, allowing himself to fully experience that westmere fall !!!

   overall, etienne can come off as a bit reserved, and distant whether that be a result of his untrusting nature of others, or simply unfamiliarity. it takes a bit of time before he feels comfortable to share his true opinion / commentary / only doing so when he feels secure to do so. he’s not necessarily unfriendly, just a bit distant / lost in his thoughts. which varies, as with most ppl ofc, upon person to person and his level of comfortability among them. despite his often lack of conversation, he abhors an uncomfortable silence to settle and will fill it with nonsense to simply avoid the feeling altogether. so, if you ever want to catch him rambling, just making him uncomfortable dkjfngdf. he definitely approaches most things with a bit of ‘ tough love ‘ . he doesn’t mind getting into a quarrel or two if he knows its worth the outcome he’s envisioned. etienne will tell others when they are fucking up, and if they are throwing a punch as a result - catch him leaning into it, which explains his bout of reckless antics. he can come off as a know it all, when it comes to advice giving, but more so because he thinks he’s really good at analyzing others and situations they are in, not necessarily because he’s lived through them himself, he’s just rather intuitive and able to empathize quite easily with others despite his verbal admittance of it. when it comes down to this binches reckless bits, he just feels so intensely that he ends up numbing himself in the aftermath of it all ( especially bc he’s definitely not sharing those feelings with the people around him ), therefore he’s willing to put himself into harms way in order to get a bit of that - happiness / pain, it doesn’t matter to him as long as he no longer feels overwhelmed by numbness. so, if ya see him with some scrapes and stitches ~ mind ya business. but he’ll likely try to drag somebody else into it, and make it seem like it was their idea. but if he is truly comfortable with somebody, he walks a fine line of won’t stop talking, especially if it’s an interest of his, and comfortable silence.

_________________________

𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖘𝖔𝖓𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖞 & 𝖍𝖆𝖇𝖎𝖙𝖘

he is a CANCER, therefore in this essay i will..... kidding but here’s some fun cancer info i saw that applies to my bb !! at first he appears to be wistful, sarcastic ( maybe a lil crabby ) , shy, distant and mysterious. this personality remains if he isn’t completely comfortable around somebody. but overall, that’s just his facade, his ‘smokescreen’ of sorts to scare off the world from his outwards persona. underneath that layer ( makes me think of shrek metaphor with onions // don’t mind me ), BUT he’s gentle, kind and affectionate ( if you manage to make it to that level * bell dings * ) !!! overall, etienne is a sensitive soul, a bit emotional although he’d rather d*e than show that to others. likely will internalize anything that can hurt his feelings / a low blow and will do something chaotic as a result later on bc of it. very polite, and a little worldly, he is truly the epitome of old-school gentlemanly manners. chivalry coming as a second nature to him !!

that was getting ramble-y, so continuing HERE. but when it comes to romance, as per the cancer man, the concept of love is a mystery, one that etienne is trying to attain. however, his shyness and innate distrust of others make it difficult for him to allow himself to fall in love. his guard is always up when it comes to his emotions, and it’ll take a bit of prodding before he’s willing to speak up on what’s desired from him. he’s v picky when it comes to finding the “ partner of his dreams “ - but he’s def willing to throw himself into the romance of the situation, i.e. buying flowers, riding white horses, and slaying metaphorical dragons. the traditional side means that he will shower his partner with thoughtful gifts, wine and dine them in the best restaurants, and try to grant their every wish. he will take the garbage out, fix that wobbly shelf, navigate on road trips, and kill more so trap and release bugs for his partner, and most important of all he will do it all without being asked. his loyalty and keen attention to the needs and wants of his potential partner. so basically, more so willing to showcase through actions than speak on it. it’s the little things, right ??!?!?! he def cherishes not just the act of being in a relationship, but what it means to become one with another person in mind, body, and soul.

prides himself on being able to make a mean cup of coffee, likely the worst person to watch a movie with bc he knows exactly how it’s going to end after only watching five minutes of it, he has a godawful sense of direction, will walk in circles for fifteen minutes before even raising a question about it/noticing ( but he refuses to acknowledge it. )

his house, car, workspace, junk drawer, closet….you name it - it’s organized, practically sparkling. often times arranged by color, and / or style. nothing is ever out of place, and if it is - there’s trouble brewing. but, more than anything, if he’s visiting somebody’s place and it’s messy, he will spend a solid thirty minutes picking everything up before doing whatever it is that was intended.

likes : reading, flowers, handwritten notes/letters, deep cleaning, baking, working on his pottery, watching the history channel and true crime docs and playing / watching hockey !!

dislikes : artichoke, clutter, sandals ( fkjgh ), unrealistic plotlines in movies &+ burnt coffee.

habits :  likely has a severe caffeine addiction, although he’s now normalized having six cups of coffee throughout his day. he’s an early riser, no matter how little the amount of sleep he’s received, he’s always the first to rise - for his early morning runs !!

strengths: creative, insightful, inspiring, convincing, determined and passionate, decisive, altruistic, intuitive !!

weaknesses: sensitive, extremely private, perfectionist, low-key always needs to have a cause / purpose, can burn out easily !!

overall : etienne truly strives to be kind, and genuinely wants for everyone to get along. treat people with kindness and the like. he has the best of intentions, but often times that can get a bit muddled with the way he goes about things due to his bit of chaotic energy / as well as his often points of getting lost in his thoughts. he won’t realize he’s been quiet for the last three hours unless it’s mentioned to him. he will do anything to lighten a dark mood, and will sacrifice / throw himself under the bus if its needed. however, he also is the type to cause the dark mood depending on the day. wahoo! his more reckless antics increase when he’s feeling a bit emotional !! but he’ll likely try and convince somebody to propose the idea so it’s not on him.

𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖔𝖒 𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖉 𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖔𝖓𝖘

he lives with sebastian !! with his commuting to nyc for the hockey season, he wanted somebody to be able to take care of his house / garden and what not, and thus, seb arrived.

he’s v into making ceramics, cups / bowls / vases / etc !! what began as a fun hobby to distract himself in the offseason became something that he truly enjoys. ( laughing about that scene in ghost BUT DKJFNG OKAY ) although he’s pretty low-key about it, you can catch him at the farmers market selling his creations !! some pictures of his work can be found on his pinterest board !!

he is a vegetarian ! he has been since his freshman year of high school and has no plans on eating seafood/meat ever again.

he loves fancy wine ~ he’s cultured. 

he can play the drums !!

he collects vintage matchbooks and the stickers off of various fruits ( he puts them in a little notebook - can be found on his bookshelf ).

saves handwritten notes and letters from pals.

he loves to garden !!!! he has a specified rose shearing hat.

HE WANTS TO JOIN A BOOKCLUB PLEASE !!!!!!!! or at least have some casual moments of silence with another reading. plz and tysm.

to make things a bit simple, he has all of harry’s tattoos !!  might add more along the way !! stay tuned, folks !!

𝖜𝖆𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖓𝖊𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘

i am so up for anything!! please accept this ramble of ideas thrown below.  if you have any other ideas, lmk !!!! <3333 :’-) down to start from scratch and PLOT PLOT PLOT !

( 2 / 2 ) - BFFZ : the z for an added emphasis dkfjgnd. somebody who likely has a key to etienne’s house, they can enjoy one anothers company as well as the bouts of comfortable silence. you know how best friends are but kdjfngd still !! whether they are likeminded or polar opposites that just flow ~~ down for anything !! even a trio of sorts ?!

( 1 / 1 ) - RIDE OR DIE / CHAOTIC COMPANION : it would be wrong to say one is the more likely the bad influence over the other, although etienne may just be. these two find themselves bounding into, well hell, ( i guess??? ) together. playing on one anothers impulsiveness and if one ends up in the back of a police car, the other is handcuffed to them. and yet despite the length of their potential injuries, they find themselves thinking of something crazier to subject them to the next time around.

( 1 / 1 ) - GUARDIAN ANGEL / GOOD INFLUENCE : with etienne being a bit chaotic in nature, he needs somebody that is likely going to steer him clear from all the ideas that’ll bring him to the brink of disaster. he’s impulsive and in that desperate attempt to feel again, he’s very likely to bring a bit of mayhem upon himself. so while they may be worrying and attempting to talk his ideas down, he’s trying to get them to go along with his plan. it may be rare that he actually takes their advice, but when he does it seems to be for the best.

( 1 / 1 ) - PARTY FRIEND : these two know how to have a good time together. despite the amount of alcohol they are throwing back and the shenanigans they find themselves in as a result, this is a time where they also find themselves confiding in one another. if you look at their camera rolls, it’s likely they have tons of embarrassing and unflattering videos and pics of one another, in between their sob-worthy confessionals and venting/rants. these two trust one another, and although they love getting wreckT together, they find themselves discussing very raw and personal details. likely the only person etienne confides in, simply bc he’s completely plastered.

( 1 / 1 ) - SIBLING-LIKE RELATIONSHIP : these two have a love/hate relationship, very sibling like filled with pranks, competition, teasing and playful banter. however, when it comes down to it they have so much love and respect for one another. they know that no matter what happens they will always have one anothers back and be supportive of the other. truly a pure content filled relationship.

okay quick mention, ENEMY PLOTS ?!?!?!?!?!? i would live for one. i can’t imagine etienne being hardcore nasty, but i’d like to see whatever version comes out for this. so let’s get it djfngjakdfg maybe they just hold different viewpoints on the world and what not and clash, anything really !!! v open !!

( 1 / 1 ) - MENTOR - etienne needs a bit of structured or unstructured guidance, all depending on what their deemed mentor is wanting to impart on him, a bit of wisdom or slight chaos. kdjfgn he’ll take anything !! 

RANDOM LITTLE IDEAS : maybe they’ve heard of one another in town, but haven’t quite met yet! or maybe they see each other around all the time, but have yet to introduce themselves to one another but low-key maybe in some online forum for the town together ?! who knows some fun things kdjnfg i AM OPEN !

ooh maybe a slowburn of sorts ?! something spicy to wreck HIS and my life with.  dkfjgn we can base this off of chemistry !!! :’-)

#( & ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ . ) #westmereintro

[cvrnelivs]

— ( harry styles, cismale, he/him ) &. * — meet ( cornelius ‘ oliver ’ edwards ) ! ( he ) is ( twenty five ) years old and has lived in st. helens for ( two ) years . when they’re not helping the town prepare for halloween , they work as a ( baker ) . around here, they’re known to be ( idealistic ) & ( intuitive ) yet ( unpredictable ) & ( destructive ) and apparently their favorite fall activity is ( visiting the farmer’s market ) . safe to say it really wouldn’t be halloweentown without them !

hiya! i am kt &+ underneath the read more is a LOT of info about my bb, cornelius/oliver. ** insert clown emoji but make ‘em yee-haw ** if you’d like to plot you can reach me on here or at space cowboy#8536 on discord !! <33 v excited to interact with y’all and your bbs !!

( DISCLAIMER : THIS IS LONG - WOW !!! just felt a lot of muse !!! apologies !!  ) 

𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖎𝖈𝖘

name: cornelius oliver edwards.

nicknames: ollie, ol, lee !! literally whatever - “hey, you” dkjfgn

gender: cismale. pronouns: he, him.

age: twenty-five.

birthday: june 27th.

zodiac: cancer !!

orientation: pansexual / panromantic.

occupation: baker // aspiring filmmaker.

languages spoken: english & french.

𝖎𝖓𝖘𝖕𝖎𝖗𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

- PINTEREST - featuring his wardrobe, his home, his aesthetic, some character inspo and olive, his german shepard pup !!

- SPOTIFY PLAYLIST - what oliver is currently listening to !!

personality type: INFJ-T / THE ADVOCATE

moral alignment: chaotic good

style-wise: oliver is v stylish, but isn’t overly flashy by any means. he’s intuitive in the sense of what works and what doesn’t. willing to explore the latest wardrobe craze, but also just likes what he likes and likely won’t venture out unless pressed by another to do so. post coming soon for his wardrobe !!! they say that the cancer man’s clothing is selected to reflect “ sophistication over flash “ but kdgjn i’ll let ya’ll be the judge of that. he’s v much harry inspired clothing wardrobe, but also tones it down with some casual looks, especially with being in the bakery and getting his hands dirty in creative aspects !!

𝖇𝖆𝖈𝖐𝖌𝖗���𝖚𝖓𝖉

   oliver was born in kent, england. he’s the youngest in his family of three, having an older brother and sister w/ two loving parents. when he was nine, his family packed up and moved to southern california, where they resided until oliver left for college on the east coast - his family trading off between living back in england and on the west coast throughout the year. upon moving to a new country at a young age, oliver truly found himself via escaping into various books and movies. often attempting to write his own and would force encourage his siblings to act his skits/plays out for his parents enjoyment. growing up, oliver also enjoyed playing all types of sports ( his parents kind of threw him in hoping he’d make friends ), but when it came down to it, athletic abilities-wise, there truly wasn’t anything that he wasn’t ‘ good ‘ at, and that’s simply because he’s always been such a competitive individual / as well as a perfectionist. that competitive/perfectionist energy caused him to go home and practice a skill or trick for hours in order to be able to come back the next day and whoop everyone’s asses. throughout highschool ; oliver was a v dedicated student. although he’s a bit reckless and loved to goof off, he was always acing classes and applying himself. he genuinely cares for others, you could’ve seen his ass volunteering at a soup kitchen with his mom on sundays and what not, as well as take part in various clubs and sports ! just SOFT and sportythings.

   post-high school, oliver attended NYU double majoring in film & television and dramatic writing. despite his extensive and well received portfolio, oliver has always been a perfectionist and overcritical of his work, unwilling to share his projects with anyone until he deems them to be ~ perfect ~ himself. after graduating, he spent a year traveling, trying to find a bit of inspiration around him and taking up odd jobs to get some $$ of his own, dog walking, attempting his best at being a handy man, etc !! he moved back home to socal, and eventually made his way up to st.helen’s after he was sent a job posting for the bakery in town !! although he knows he doesn’t want to pursue a career in baking forever, he’s enjoying his time while trying to find a bit more muse for his future film&writing career.

   overall, oliver can come off as a bit reserved, and distant whether that be a result of his untrusting nature of others, or simply unfamiliarity. it takes a bit of time before he feels comfortable to share his true opinion / commentary / only doing so when he feels secure to do so. he’s not necessarily unfriendly, just a bit distant / lost in his thoughts. which varies, as with most ppl ofc, upon person to person and his level of comfortability among them. despite his often lack of conversation, he abhors an uncomfortable silence to settle and will fill it with nonsense to simply avoid the feeling altogether. so, if you ever want to catch him rambling, just making him uncomfortable dkjfngdf. he definitely approaches most things with a bit of ‘ tough love ‘ . he doesn’t mind getting into a quarrel or two if he knows its worth the outcome he’s envisioned. oliver will tell others when they are fucking up, and if they are throwing a punch as a result - catch him leaning into it, which explains his bout of reckless antics. he can come off as a know it all, when it comes to advice giving, but more so because he thinks he’s really good at analyzing others and situations they are in, not necessarily because he’s lived through them himself, he’s just rather intuitive and able to empathize quite easily with others despite his verbal admittance of it. when it comes down to this binches reckless bits, he just feels so intensely that he ends up numbing himself in the aftermath of it all ( especially bc he’s definitely not sharing those feelings with the people around him ), therefore he’s willing to put himself into harms way in order to get a bit of that - happiness / pain, it doesn’t matter to him as long as he no longer feels overwhelmed by numbness. so, if ya see him with some scrapes and stitches ~ mind ya business. but he’ll likely try to drag somebody else into it, and make it seem like it was their idea. but if he is truly comfortable with somebody, he walks a fine line of won’t stop talking, especially if it’s an interest of his, and comfortable silence.

𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖘𝖔𝖓𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖞 & 𝖍𝖆𝖇𝖎𝖙𝖘

he is a CANCER, therefore in this essay i will..... kidding but here’s some fun cancer info i saw that applies to my bb !! at first he appears to be wistful, sarcastic ( maybe a lil crabby ) , shy, distant and mysterious. this personality remains if he isn’t completely comfortable around somebody. but overall, that’s just his facade, his ‘smokescreen’ of sorts to scare off the world from his outwards persona. underneath that layer ( makes me think of shrek metaphor with onions // don’t mind me ), BUT he’s gentle, kind and affectionate ( if you manage to make it to that level * bell dings * ) !!! overall, oliver is a sensitive soul, a bit emotional although he’d rather d*e than show that to others. likely will internalize anything that can hurt his feelings / a low blow and will do something chaotic as a result later on bc of it. very polite, and a little worldly, he is truly the epitome of old-school gentlemanly manners. chivalry coming as a second nature to him !!

that was getting ramble-y, so continuing HERE. but when it comes to romance, as per the cancer man, the concept of love is a mystery, one that oliver is trying to attain. however, his shyness and innate distrust of others make it difficult for him to allow himself to fall in love. his guard is always up when it comes to his emotions, and it’ll take a bit of prodding before he’s willing to speak up on what’s desired from him. he’s v picky when it comes to finding the “ partner of his dreams “ - but he’s def willing to throw himself into the romance of the situation, i.e. buying flowers, riding white horses, and slaying metaphorical dragons. the traditional side means that he will shower his partner with thoughtful gifts, wine and dine them in the best restaurants, and try to grant their every wish. he will take the garbage out, fix that wobbly shelf, navigate on road trips, and kill more so trap and release bugs for his partner, and most important of all he will do it all without being asked. his loyalty and keen attention to the needs and wants of his potential partner. so basically, more so willing to showcase through actions than speak on it. it’s the little things, right ??!?!?! he def cherishes not just the act of being in a relationship, but what it means to become one with another person in mind, body, and soul.

prides himself on being able to make a mean cup of coffee, likely the worst person to watch a movie with bc he knows exactly how it’s going to end after only watching five minutes of it, he has a godawful sense of direction, will walk in circles for fifteen minutes before even raising a question about it/noticing ( but he refuses to acknowledge it. )

his house, car, workspace, junk drawer, closet….you name it - it’s organized, practically sparkling. often times arranged by color, and / or style. nothing is ever out of place, and if it is - there’s trouble brewing. but, more than anything, if he’s visiting somebody’s place and it’s messy, he will spend a solid thirty minutes picking everything up before doing whatever it is that was intended.

likes : reading, flowers, handwritten notes/letters, deep cleaning, baking, curating soundtracks for his film projects, watching the history channel and true crime docs and playing / watching hockey !!

dislikes : artichoke, clutter, sandals ( fkjgh ), unrealistic plotlines in movies &+ burnt coffee.

habits : smoking cigarettes - although he’s been meaning to quit. likely has a severe caffeine addiction, although he’s now normalized having six cups of coffee throughout his day. he’s an early riser, no matter how little the amount of sleep he’s received, he’s always the first to rise - for his early morning runs !!

strengths: creative, insightful, inspiring, convincing, determined and passionate, decisive, altruistic, intuitive !!

weaknesses: sensitive, extremely private, perfectionist, low-key always needs to have a cause / purpose, can burn out easily !! 

overall : oliver truly strives to be kind, and genuinely wants for everyone to get along. treat people with kindness and the like. he has the best of intentions, but often times that can get a bit muddled with the way he goes about things due to his bit of chaotic energy / as well as his often points of getting lost in his thoughts. he won’t realize he’s been quiet for the last three hours unless it’s mentioned to him. he will do anything to lighten a dark mood, and will sacrifice / throw himself under the bus if its needed. however, he also is the type to cause the dark mood depending on the day. wahoo! his more reckless antics increase when he’s feeling a bit emotional !! but he’ll likely try and convince somebody to propose the idea so it’s not on him. 

𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖔𝖒 𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖉 𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖔𝖓𝖘

in an attempt to throw himself into the town’s traditions and what not, after moving to st. helen’s oliver decided it was upon himself to put on a very spooo0ooky haunted house! so, catch him converting his home into a haunted house for the month of october !!! nothing cheesy either !! it’s more a psychological scare dkjgn with some gore elements !! EnTeR iF yOu DaRe !!!

he bounced around playing sports growing up, but favored ice hockey and field lacrosse out of them all.

HE WANTS TO JOIN A BOOKCLUB PLEASE !!!!!!!! or at least have some casual moments of silence with another reading. plz and tysm.

he is a vegetarian ! he has been since his freshman year of high school and has no plans on eating seafood/meat ever again.

he loves fancy wine ~ he’s cultured. visits seb’s winery v often !!!

he can play the drums !!

he collects vintage matchbooks and the stickers off of various fruits ( he puts them in a little notebook - can be found on his bookshelf ).

saves handwritten notes and letters from pals.

he loves to garden !!!! he has a specified rose shearing hat.

to make things a bit simple, he has all of harry’s tattoos !!  might add more along the way !! stay tuned, folks !!

𝖜𝖆𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖓𝖊𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘

honestly, i am so up for anything !!! please accept this ramble of ideas thrown below.  if you have any other ideas, lmk !!!! <3333 :’-)

( 2 / 2 ) - BFFZ : the z for an added emphasis dkfjgnd. somebody who likely has a key to oliver’s house, they can enjoy one anothers company as well as the bouts of comfortable silence. you know how best friends are but kdjfngd still !! whether they are likeminded or polar opposites that just flow ~~ down for anything !! even a trio of sorts ?!

( 0 / ?? ) - MUSE(S) : somebody that he often strikes inspo from for his short films and what not !! or has starred/he plans to have them star in his future compilations of sorts !! can be simply from their own ideals, their look / ~vibe~ dkfjgn // whatever !!

( 1 / 1 ) - RIDE OR DIE / CHAOTIC COMPANION : it would be wrong to say one is the more likely the bad influence over the other, although oliver may just be. these two find themselves bounding into, well hell, ( i guess??? ) together. playing on one anothers impulsiveness and if one ends up in the back of a police car, the other is handcuffed to them. and yet despite the length of their potential injuries, they find themselves thinking of something crazier to subject them to the next time around.

( 1 / 1 ) - GUARDIAN ANGEL / GOOD INFLUENCE : with ollie being a bit chaotic in nature, he needs somebody that is likely going to steer him clear from all the ideas that’ll bring him to the brink of disaster. he’s impulsive and in that desperate attempt to feel again, he’s very likely to bring a bit of mayhem upon himself. so while they may be worrying and attempting to talk his ideas down, he’s trying to get them to go along with his plan. it may be rare that he actually takes their advice, but when he does it seems to be for the best.

( 0 / 1 ) - PARTY FRIEND : these two know how to have a good time together. despite the amount of alcohol they are throwing back and the shenanigans they find themselves in as a result, this is a time where they also find themselves confiding in one another. if you look at their camera rolls, it’s likely they have tons of embarrassing and unflattering videos and pics of one another, in between their sob-worthy confessionals and venting/rants. these two trust one another, and although they love getting wreckT together, they find themselves discussing very raw and personal details. likely the only person oliver confides in, simply bc he’s completely plastered.

( 1 / 1 ) - SIBLING-LIKE RELATIONSHIP : these two have a love/hate relationship, very sibling like filled with pranks, competition, teasing and playful banter. however, when it comes down to it they have so much love and respect for one another. they know that no matter what happens they will always have one anothers back and be supportive of the other. truly a pure content filled relationship.

okay quick mention, ENEMY PLOTS ?!?!?!?!?!? i would live for one. i can’t imagine oliver being hardcore nasty, but i’d like to see whatever version comes out for this. so let’s get it djfngjakdfg maybe they just hold different viewpoints on the world and what not and clash, anything really !!! v open !!

( 1 / 1 ) - MENTOR - oliver needs a bit of structured or unstructured guidance, all depending on what their deemed mentor is wanting to impart on him, a bit of wisdom or slight chaos. kdjfgn he’ll take anything !! life advice in any and all aspects. maybe they come into the bakery, or maybe they help him with his garden. who knows, i certainly don’t know how they met, but we’ll figure it out ?!?!

RANDOM LITTLE IDEAS : maybe they’ve heard of one another in town, but haven’t quite met yet! or maybe they see each other around all the time, but have yet to introduce themselves to one another but low-key maybe in some online forum for the town together ?! who knows some fun things kdjnfg i AM OPEN !

ooh maybe a slowburn of sorts ?! something spicy to wreck ollie’s and my life with.  dkfjgn we can base this off of chemistry !!! :’-) 

#( ❛ ᴏʟɪᴠᴇʀ ᴇᴅᴡᴀʀᴅꜱ | ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ . ) #htintro #excited to plot with y'all <3333 :)

[singingmicrochip]

It was just a totally emotional typhoon today.. i celebrated my birthday (21.08.97) and yeah.. i chatted with a dutch friend and how simiöat we were and that we are there for each other and that we lighten each other days if we talk over Discord. And yeah i was really emotional and I really got the need to hug him.. but got desperate about that. But yeah i talked avout that with my cousin and i really got forward with me knowing myself.. but yee it was quite a ride of happyness and and sadness.. like i got sad and i got happy about my dutch friend and my cousin and celebrating my birthday and got sad about myself getting more into one sided love and ye.. all in all i am happy about this day. I am happy to expirience such a good day.

#vent #type 4 #enneagram

[hcrris]

can ….. i come in ????? have been watching unbreakable kimmy schmidt for 3 hours pretending time isnt passing , life isnt real and in fact.. i am dreaming (-: lajdfksl hey <3 im jay im 21 and i love those instagram profiles of hamsters in little clothes ( when they got little purses? ???? dont talk to me im cryin. ) below u will find info about jane harris aka literally the vine of the little kid scribbling hard like his life depended on it. shes a mess ?? but a semi enjoyable mess. a mess with good intentions. if u want to establish some connections, LIKE THIS and i will come annoy u <3 alternatively u can ease my social anxiety and msg me here or through my discord sencha tea#4035 (و ˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و♡

( lily collins, cis female, she/her. ) — jane harris has been a medina complex resident for three years, now. they’re twenty-three years old, and they tend to avoid making eye contact. sometimes when i walk by B06, i hear cherry-coloured funk by cocteau twins playing. lately, i’d say they’re pretty effervescent, but sometimes that’s overwhelmed by the fact that they’re neurotic. i mean, they usually pay their rent on time, though, and that’s most important fact here.

repeatedly fixing the apartment number on the door when it swings down to a nine, a split moment of shadow after the radiance of laughter, carl sagan’s pale blue dot, a life of frequent minor accidents, constant hunger for balance overshadowed by emotional turbulence.

                      🇧​🇦​🇨​🇰​🇬​🇷​🇴​🇺​🇳​🇩​​

TW ALCOHOLISM EMOTIONAL ABUSE DEPRESSION & ANXIETY !!!!! ok moving on

her parents met in art school in paris.. her mom is french and studied art history while her dad was an exchange student from california with a skewed artist mentality. it was that saccharine, toxic sort of love. her mom always felt like she needed to be the guardian angel in the relationship who would always hold him up when he was feeling down and he was feeling down….. a lot. because she was putting all that energy to save her relationship, she was drowning too but never enough to walk away. there was a lot of love there but it was twisted and uncomfortable at times

when they found out jane was on the way, it felt like they needed to suddenly grow up. her mom was ready to make changes, adapt to the new lifestyle. her dad, on the other hand, urged they rethink if this is what they want but he didn’t push for abortion.. he understood it was jane’s mothers choice to make and reassured that he would be there for the both of them no. matter. what. 

but ??? the reality was he felt trapped by the idea of a child and he struggled to acknowledge and accept how quickly his life was flipping upside down and how he lost all control of it. he wanted to travel around europe ???? soak in nature, daydream and make art . but jane’s mom wanted to settle. instead of embarking on adventures after graduating, they decided to move to california. 

things just seemed to fall apart like domino from then on. janes mom was lead astray.. thinking that what california would bring them was stability but instead, it was all chaos. they rushed to get married .. turned out janes father wasnt on good terms with his parents. he was irresponsible financially, put both his parents in huge debt, was blinded by his ego to ever realise his mistakes. lied constantly .. convincing janes mom that there’s light going forward. that once he finds a sponsor for his art .... once he sells his first piece ... once they see in him what he always saw in himself , he was going to make it right. and he reassured he would make it right for jane.

janes mom was so pathetically in love that she pushed through .. living in a sort of imagined world, believing that things were better than they actually were. and her dad was good at persuading that narrative. he would come home with a pocketful of cash and the bills paid. oftentimes, it was all an act. his art wasn’t selling and a lot of what he bragged about was borrowed or stolen. behind the curtain, he was absent and unmotivated. he would come home in the evening claiming that the whisky breath was celebratory but in reality, he was complaining to the barman two blocks away about how his life feels monotone .. like a french black and white movie.  

the day of jane’s birth was a whole mess. her father decided to drive her mother to the hospital, knowing he had one too many. they were caught for speeding and while janes dad spent the night at a nearby station for driving under influence, her mom was at the back of a cop car, crying for one too many reasons .. jane decided to hang on for a little while longer and was born at 3am the following night. cradled in her mothers arms and her dads voice humming on the line

jane would only ever hear the romanticised version of this story from her mother. this ??? fucked up sense of security that no matter what, love conquers all. that love means supporting each other, loving each other extra when everything else falls apart. but truth is.. her mother was forced to give up her own dreams, lost all connections to her past, worked days and nights at a nursing home to support her family and pitch in to her husbands alcoholism while she’s at it. making excuses that jane was too young to contradict. all while the only source of happiness for her father was the haziness of his evenings, when he felt like floating and he could barely hold onto to his paintbrush. he was a stranger living in their basement .. more than he was ever a father 

growing up, jane watched her mother mask her depression. carry empty bottles out from the basement, trying to hide it from jane .. it brought her shame. she was doing the same thing to jane that he was doing to her for all these years .. consistently expressing a certain attitude, this unwavering satisfaction for the life they are living and so ... it hardens. you start to believe it. except unlike her mother, jane was observant.. she had other lives around her to compare to her own, voices of reason that pierced through the skewed perception her mother drilled into her skull. when jane grew into her skin, she felt so ... disgusted and angry. she tried to pull her mother out of her fantasy but nothing worked. 

through her high school years, she felt helpless .. her home life was a nightmare and she made every possible attempt to stay out of it for as long as possible. she took on jobs and extracurriculars .. stayed at her friends’ house until she couldn’t. and she would think.. think so hard, she would start crying. pushing her own problems away .. in her head, she would imagine herself in a different skin, a different place. it was the only way she could calm her breathing. only to have to battle the same thoughts the following morning

after graduating high school, jane went to community college for product management got a job offering after her placement at a big company and moved out shortly after ( and MOVED IN to medina... can i get a yee yee ) .. she got insurance for the first time in her life and eats too many of free pizza slices at work to save up on groceries every week <3

she doesn’t visit her parents bc she no longer feels like her mother is on her team. she’s lived a maddening and terribly draining life and living alone has brought her deserving peace.. although she’d rather keep contact with her mother to a minimum, its obvious that jane is her mothers anchor. if she feels as though her daughter is not fighting for her, she breaks down.. as much as jane wants to run away from her past, it always seems to catch up 

if ur still reading literally who are u lafjdkl. ill be done schoon ..... oof 

           🇨​🇭​🇦​🇷​🇦​🇨​🇹​🇪​🇷​  🇹​🇷​🇦​🇮​🇹​🇸​

if they are friends ... jane. will. talk. ur. ear. off. but probably not for the right reasons lol .. she has never been assessed by a professional, isn’t taking any treatment but she definitely needs it :( shes a chronic overthinker.. the voice in her head keeps chattering away most of the time which gets a little nauseating. she hates silence and feels like she needs to fill it with words. she often says the wrong things .. to the wrong people ... at the WRONG time and she is very aware of it. its the culprit for her self doubt and struggle to open up emotionally to the people shes close to. shes very critical towards herself, she micro analyses everything from the way she acts, the way she looks and what she says. shes also not a fan of confrontation !!!!!!!BUT!!!!!!!!!!!

 she is a FIREBALL when she stands up for others. i dont know how she hasnt gotten into a physical fight yet. she would literally rip ur side mirror off ur car if u didnt wait for an old lady to cross the street. is intense in every possible way. if shes angry, shes angry and impulsive and out of control, when she is in love, she feels it in her bones and simultaneously wants to rip her hair out, when she’s passionate about something, she is persistent until she isn’t and when she loses motivation, everything feels bleak .. theres never any emotional balance, even though she fights so hard for it every day 

likes sci fi movies .. literally when they are Floating in space ???? SIGN! JANE! THE! FUCK! UP! letterboxd is probably her favorite app. sometimes she will post a review, read it over and over, find something wrong with what she said and then delete it. shes very neurotic. she either has good days where she can comfortably be herself or bad days, when it feels like everyone is judging her every move when in reality. ... it is always .. all in her head. 

and she is mostly in her head. she creates fantasies of her life, relationships platonic and romantic and as a result, nothing ever seems to measure up. she feels secure in her fantasies but oftentimes when it hits her that they are just that, fantasies, she ... feels really alone. 

will trip over her own feet . has like 5 bruises from washing the dishes </3

she works as a part of a product design team in a big company.. probably has the knowledge to move up the tier but does not have the courage to stand up for herself . she doesnt believe in herself and is kind of a pessimist .......  

got high one night and decided she wants to start an uber ....... only for women. but doesnt think its a good ide a (its a good idea. id like to think in 10 years time ... bitch made it) 

really weird. likes eating broad beans and frozen strawberries .. will literally eat a lemon. 

she will have different interests every week but never seems to be any good at anything ???????????? makes her sad. 

claims tidying up with marie kondo changed her life LAKJDSKLDJ

*draws curtains* anybody else tired? 

#mediocre.intro #»-.-°-ỽ-⸰-ｓｈｕｔ-ｕｒ-ｔｒａｐ-⸰-ỽ-°-.-« #4 hrs ago : yea ...... i could finish this intro in like 2 hours :) why not. whats gonna stop me ???? writing doesnt take that long. #it takes literally ?? 2 miliseconds. lol ....... #im shtupid !!!!! have to take a shower. this is longer than all shakespeare plays combined. #if u read this im manifasting a good year for u.

[crptkng]

I feel like I need to post about this because I have nothing better to do and because I would genuinely like to share my experience with BPD (borderline personality disorder) 

Now this will get pretty ugly and show the worst parts of me but please don’t think I’m an inherently toxic person for my behaviors that I could not control and that I have better control of as now. 

One of the first things you’ll notice about BPD is a marked disturbance in interpersonal relationships I’ve always had a very hard time keeping friends. I would have a certain friend for about a year and then we’d drift apart for no reason. Nothing totally horrible has happened in most of my past relationships, we’ve just either drifted apart or lost contact. However, that’s not to say I haven’t had a few not so healthy relationships. With BPD comes this fun little side effect of you possibly developing an unhealthy attachment to a certain person or people. This has happened to me on multiple occasions, 3 to be exact. This coins the term FP or favorite person.

The earliest I can ever recall and that I recognize now as being such was a good friend of mine that I met back in 2010/2011. My relationship with them wasn’t directly stormy in the beginning. I would see them at least once a week and all, but whenever I heard them mention another friend of theirs or that they would be hanging out with someone that wasn’t me I would get very angry and passive aggressively take it out on them. At first it was just that but it did start to go downhill when we hit high school and we started seeing less of each other. I would still be passive aggressive about the people they hung out with and all but the cake was taken when they got a boyfriend. I didn’t like him for one reason or another, still not entirely sure why but I but I went as far as accusing him of possibly making my friend “do something they didn’t want to” and kept nagging them about it. They ultimately broke up and we slowly lost most communication. I was sent spiraling into hysteria about losing my “only friend”. My whole school day was compromised to the point I called them into the school counselors office to force them to talk to me. After this we talked it out and were friends again. 

Around this time they introduced me to this guy who was and, to this day, still is one of my absolute best friends. The three of us were all really good friends and even had a group chat on skype together. After a few months of being friends I started having feelings for him but he had feelings for the friend that introduced us. I took this pretty hard and started accusing them of going behind my back outside of group chats and talking about me and just in general having more fun without me.This is the part where it all blew up and I decided I would rather isolate myself from this guy so I deleted him from skype and my phone contacts. Stayed friends with the first FP for a while before that eventually fizzled out. About a year later the dude my ex FP introduced me to popped into my head and I readded him on Skype. Come to find the two of them dated over the summer but broke up and he’d already gotten a new boyfriend. Everything was fine and we almost immediately got back into our old routine of watching stupid videos and shows as well as listening to music, sometimes inviting his boyfriend to join us. the three of us were friends for about 2 years before his ex developed feelings for another friend of theirs. My friend unfortunately had to hear it from a third party and not directly from his ex himself. This sent me into a rage and I verbally attacked his ex a few times, going so far as to harass him for a year before we made amends this fall and we’re even friends now!!

After they broke up with my friend and I had verbally ripped his ex a new one, about 3 months later my friend/FP and I confessed our crushes for each other and started dating in the spring of 2017. Summer 2017 came and he and I got to meet up for the first time in our almost 5 years of knowing each other. Our romantic relationship was not at all healthy in the slightest. I would need constant assurances of his feelings for me and if there was the slightest change in tone i’d immediately shift into a sour mood. Along with this I had the repeat actions of getting passive aggressively angry when he’d mention anyone else but me or make plans with someone else. Summer comes and goes and we’re still together even though i’m out of line, we even make plans for me to fly fully paid for by his mother to come see him over the Christmas break. this is where things got worse. I was constantly clingy and wouldn’t leave him to do his own thing, and would get jealous and passive aggressive whenever he’d hop on voice chat to play games. I would have major anxiety whenever I wasn’t near him and so on. Eventually while I was there we broke up. Him needing to focus on schooling and not being able to keep me happy and under control. Although we broke up I stayed the duration of my trip and we remained good friends.In fact, I’m trying my best with my holiday job to earn enough to buy him a ticket up to Seattle to see him again <3

My unhealthy relationships don’t stop there but are more brief than the one beforehand 

After my FP and I broke up I started talking regularly to this guy I used to talk to on skype before the great migration to discord.  

He and I talked from around January to June 2018. We’d go back and forth teasing each other and had an amazing friendship overall. Around the February is when I developed a crush on the guy which was... Not too great. Not only was he my crush but he was another FP. I would fixate on him when I thought I made him upset and would have major anxiety about it until proven otherwise, as is usually the case with most people for me.

Cut to March which just happens to be my birth month and I plan a desert date with a couple of my friends, him included. We all go to the mall near by and have a good time. This would be the first, and last time I got to meet him in person as he lived over an hour away by bus. We part ways with a hasty hug because I had to catch my bus back home. After this we plan on meeting up again but it turns out that he’s being kicked out by his mother that recently remarried and has to move to California. He ends up moving but we still stay connected on Discord and are still friends. April is when we start flirting with each other and we eventually send nudes back and forth to which I get a less than pleased response about my body.

At first I brushed it off bc you know I was enchanted by him. But then he proceeds to ghost me twice after this, once because of the nude and twice bc I told him I liked him.

During this he also blocked me on Discord for a few days as a joke because I insulted a titty anime he liked but came back and told me excitedly he was moving back to Washington but because he didn’t feel like he could tell me he didn’t want to have sex like we talked about he ghosts me. I eventually have an encounter where I was sexually assaulted and he said nothing about it and ignored my distress, eventually blocking me for good because I started going off on him like I did with my friends ex.

The next FP has a short history as he’s my current FP.

This guy is still kinda my friend but we don’t hang out in person anymore and he hardly responds to my texts or calls. But!!

I noticed this one when I realized I was doing the same thing I do with all my FPs which is get jealous of the people he talks about. One person in particular, too.

I reconnected with him during the summer 2018, about a month after the incident with the last guy mentioned, we quickly started hanging out again and even had a couple make out sessions. I didn’t notice right away that I was reacting the way I was until one day I noticed myself using manipulative language because he declined my invitation to go get food. This happened a couple of times, most significant of which was when he texted me the morning after he went out and partied. I jokingly asked him “ without me?” “Yee”. I was able to restrain and reroute what I was saying to make it seem less manipulative. Going back to me being upset when he mentions someone else. He has a crush on this girl who’s a mutual friend of ours and one night he invited me over to hang but we ended up going to the mall she worked at so he could try and convince her to join us. She said no, and we left. But he proceeded to talk about her for a good half hour after. He also knew I had a crush on him at the time so that double set me off. Halloween rolls up. He and another best friend of mine come over for drinks and to just chill in general. He asks me who all is coming and asks abt her. I don’t invite her because she’s leaving for a trip the next morning. Previous to this I met up with her and her now boyfriend and she tells me they got back together. She hadn’t told my FP and was never going to in the first place. He mentioned her again and I consider telling him then and there but decided not to at the moment. After Halloween is when he starts ghosting me and I get angry bc he’s not giving me attention so that’s when I tell him. Not out of the kindness of my heart but out of spite for being ignored. He and I don’t talk as much but I assume we’re on ok terms!

These are my most relevant people attachment stories. But I’m far from over with this post which is already a LOT.

Another fun part of BPD that I experience is the lack of identity.

I can easily attach myself to fictional characters and identify with them so strongly that I feel like I become them. This has happened most significantly with Dean Winchester from Supernatural and Charlie Kelly from Its Always Sunny In Philadelphia.

With Dean it was probably the strongest. I started listening to the music he did and wearing leather and becoming aloof like he was. Just overall taking small traits and becoming like him.

Charlie was more of a comfort character who I also took small traits from and started dressing like him.

As well as taking on their traits I considered career paths similar to theirs. Bartender and janitor for Charlie and a cop for Dean.

It doesn’t stop at fictional characters either. I notice I take on bits of the people I’m with and mold myself into who they are. I laugh like them and want to do the same things that they do even if I’m bad at it. Another HUGE symptom of BPD and one of the most common criteria for it is uncontrollable bouts of anger  First and most recent example I have being when my last ex broke up with me. I spent two days in a rage threatening to do harm to him and, as he is an addict, told one of his friends that he could “Die in a ditch with a needle in his arm”. Every time I thought of him my body would go cold and I would shake with rage. Second example I can think of that I’ve had to do on many occasions is my plans and needs being shoved behind by my mother and me getting so enraged I had to go chop a dead tree in our back yard. Third and final example I have of some of my rages comes back to the person who ghosted me because I was fat.After he did that and found out he was lying to me about everything I sat for a good half hour staring at the group call he was in on a mutual discord server and planned on going in and yelling at him while everyone was there. I ended up not doing it but that was another example of me shaking with rage and my body going cold.  Mood swings are prevalent in people with BPD The most notable examples i have are, with the most severe being the time I took a book and smashed it on my desk, cried and then started laughing at the Mishapocolypse  all in the span of about 15 to 20 minutes and several times when I felt extremely inadequate to everyone or when I misinterpreted the tone of my FP and sent myself spiraling into a depression.  Some people with BPD may also have hallucinations I’ve had one that’s the most notable, being the time I hallucinated the smell of doritos when there were none near me at the time because I was outside away from home, Another when I was sitting in my therapists office. she noticed me looking away from her towards the floor at what I saw as a blue dot that looked like a very small light from a charging cord on a laptop battery pack. And last, but most recent is when I was outside on a walk and seeing several blue dots blinking in the bushes where no other lights would be.   Another marked trait of BPD is Impulsivity    I’ve dealt with impulsivity in a couple different area. Notably though are the several unsafe sexual encounters I've had with multiple partners, turning to drugs or alcohol to cope with stress or sadness and my spending money when I have very little. People with BPD can suffer from intrusive thoughts These are NOT fun or cute like tumblr likes to make them out to be. Here’s a list of mine that go from not so bad to holy shit go get help. 

Fp not talking to you this exact moment?: Pull your hair out 

Chugg the whole bottle of asprin

Punch that dog

Bite the cat

Feeling angry and wanna take it out on something?: Grab one of the hamsters and SQUISH!!!

I wanna peel the skin off a frog

Step on your grandpa’s ventilator tube

Take that baby by the legs and swing it’s head into the wall

These are just some of the symptoms I suffer from and my personal experiences with BPD and as I say in the tags, people experience these symptoms differently. If you can relate to these symptoms and are not diagnosed, I suggest taking it to a professional who can help you further research and help you recover.

#this is the fucking logest post i've made #god if you read all of this pls like it or something #this is MY PERSONAL STORY #people can experience it in many different ways this is just how i experience it so- #personal #bpd #borderline personality disorder #actually bpd

[dboliklover]

Q and A Session!

Thank you, everyone, for sending in your questions! We will now answer them! Italic is Mod Roza, while bolded is Mod Azusa! Everything is under the cut for those who would like to skip!

Question 1; HI! /can I ask how old you are?/how long have you had this blog?/do you have a favorite rp account(other than this one lol)?/how is school/work going? Thank you for all your hard work!!

Mod Roza; Hi! I’m fifteen, but my birthday is on the 17th of November, so I’ll be sixteen soon! We’ve had this blog for a few months now, but I forgot the exact date ^^’ No, I do not have a favourite RP or headcanon blog, but I do enjoy a handful of all types of different fandoms. I also do roleplays on my email, so if anyone would like to discuss a roleplay with me, please PM me on my personal blog: Daughter_of_the_gods Or click here!  As for school, it’s good. I’m hella busy though! I have my mock GCSE’s starting next weeks until the second week of December so I won’t be able to post for a while unless it’s announcements! Sorry! And thank you! We appreciate it, and we appreciate all of you! <3 Mod Azusa; Hello! Let’s just say I’m older than fourteen but less than twenty :’)My birthday is the 14th of January! Like Roza said, we’ve had this blog for a few months now. I’m sure if one of us looked back in our private messages we could find the exact date. I’m pretty sure it was before school started though!Hmm. I don’t exactly have a favourite rp account, but I do have one of my own! I rp either through discord or via email, so feel free to send me a message on my personal (naiis-blr) if it interests you! School is going pretty well! All of my class averages are at 70%+, which is great! I have final exams for this semester in January though ;~; Question 2; Can I ask both Mods, what encourages you to start writing a prompt/scenario? Like do you pick ones that interests you the most?      

Mod Roza; Hmm, what encourages me? Well, usually what’s been in the ask the longest! But if I’m having writer’s block, I’d choose something easier for me to do, and eventually come back to the other one after I’ve gotten more ideas!I especially love the more unusual ones! Mod Azusa; A good question! I tend to start with ones that have been in the ask box for the longest, or ones that I know I’ll be able to power through and get out straight away! If there’s none that interest me, I pick a random one and work through it. All of the asks that follow the rules get answered; no matter how much we don’t want to do them!

Question 3; This is an ask for both of mods!! What are some of your favorite bands/singers? Mod Roza; Hmm, I love ALL kinds of music (Except for dubstep and heavy metal) Here’s some of my favourite bands and singers though!

-Lauren Aquilina

-Vocaloid

-BTS (Kpop)

-VIXX (Kpop)

-Jula (Polish singer

-)Ed Sheeran

-Anna Jantar (Polish singer) 

Feel free to PM me on my Personal blog if you’d like to discuss more music with me!:

Mod Azusa;

I really love anything country and to do with vocaloid! I love songs like Dark Wood Circus and The Servant of Evil series. Some of my favourite country songs are Love me Like You Do, Canadian Girls and Being Down The House!

Question 4; This is a question for both mods again if its alright!!! What are your favorite diabois?

Mod Roza;

I’m a 110% a slut for three of them. I call them my “Unholy trio” THis consists of Ruki, Kou and Subaru. These three are my weakness and I cannot choose between them. I love them all. So my “favourite” is the whole unholy trio.

Mod Azusa;

Ruki is my favourite diaboy

fight me. Question 4; this is a question for both mods, What made you guys start wanting to write for dialovers? and did you guys make this blog together or one of you just ended up joining it after a while lmao

Mod Roza;

It was a joined thing! If I recall correctly, Mod Azusa wanted to make a DBL blog (After I successfully dragged her down to DiaHell, y’all are welcome for the fact I converted Mod A into one of us and added such a talented writer as them into our DiaHell ranks XD) but after I suggested having a headcanon blog, and we agreed to do it together from the beginning! It was super difficult to get noticed in the Community at the start, but now we’ve E X P LO D E D  Please Keep in mind I have a horrible memory and Mod Azusa most likely remembers it better than I.

Mod Azusa;

I had originally started this blog as a fan blog! After talking with Mod Roza, we both decided to turn it into a headcanon blog. It’s a good way to get writing skills while doing something you enjoy!

Question 5; ask for both mods, what's your favorite disney movie?

Mod Roza; My favourite Disney movie? That’s a hard one! Hm, I gotta say I like Mulan a lot, because she’s badass, but then again I also adore Tangled, too! Mod Azusa; Favourite movie hands down is Aladdin. Jasmine is best princess 10/10 .

Question 6; ask for both mods, do you have any pets? if so explain their personality? Thanks

Mod Roza; Yesssssssssssssssssssss My baby Tiger. (He’s a cat called Tiger and NOT an actual Tiger (Low-key wish he was tho)) Tiger is a huuuuge cat that I’m pretty sure is as big as an actual big-cat cub and he’s fluffy af and a huge asshole but he’s the most lovable asshole ever. He is very cuddly when he feels like it, but he drools a lot and recently he started cuddling my head and licked my eye which was G R O S S. But I love him so much and he’s my precious child. Mod Azusa; Hey! I used to have two pets; a German Shepard husky mix and a calico cat. My dog’s name was Elvis and my cat’s name was Tails ^^. We sadly had to put them both down due to various illnesses, but I was able to be with them for about nine years or so. Question 7; for both mods, what was the first thing you guys ever wrote? do you think its good and is it still online or in a notebook? Lmaooo- Mod Roza; I mean, i was probably like, 3 when I first wrote something?? But I think you mean what’s the first /original/ thing I have written, and I will tell you that yes, I still have it and unfortunately yes, it’s online. It’s the cringiest thing ever and I hate how awful 12-year-old-me was at writing. If anyone is wondering I wrote “jelsa” fanfics. Jelsa being the ship for Jack Frost and Elsa. Are you cringing yet? XD Mod Azusa; Oh man. The first thing I ever /actually/ wrote was an attack on titan fanfiction about two years ago. I still have it on my google drive, and it makes me cringe to even look at it. It was a summer project that I was writing with an online friend- we never did finish it, but I read it over every once in awhile to see how much I’ve grown as a writer. Question 8; nyello, i wanna ask both of yees, Which dialovers boy(or boys) do you have the hardest time writing for? ty Mod Roza; Reiji. Without a doubt I can’t do that King of Savageness. He’s soo hard to write for I literally DIE whenever I write him.  As for Mukami’s, Yuma is hardest to do for me. Mod Azusa; I think the hardest diaboy for me personally to write is probably Yuma. He’s a very hard character to nail, and I’ve spent quite some time browsing and replaying the games just to get another look at his quite abstract personality. I do try my best to keep him as in character and realistic as possible! Question 9; hi! sorry if this has been asked before, what made you guys interested in diabolik lovers? like how did you find out about it? (this is a question for both mods btw!) Mod Roza; Oooooh Gods….I’ve been in DiaHell for YEARS. Like, I don’t even remember HOW I got into this hell. But Here I am~Tbh I think I google something like “Romance animes” or “Supernatural animes” and found a list and it caught my eye??? Idk anymore RIp.((I got Mod Azusa into DBL y’all are welcome. Like Otome is the thing me and her originally linked and connected to and now we’re great friends b/c of otome.)) Mod Azusa; I originally got into diabolik lovers because of Mod Roza! She introduced me to it, so I have her to thank for bringing me into the community. I have a great love for otome games, and so I began playing the diabolik lovers series shortly after watching the anime. Roza and I watched it together, and there were quite a few… choice words exchanged on my part towards anime!yui. Question 10; i have an ask for both mods XD, whats the creepiest thing thats ever happened to you? Mod Roza; Gods, where do I begin? I guess the time when (TRIGGER WARNING: Hitting on underage girls) I was at my uncle’s name-day party ((Slavic thing)), and there was this guy in his mid 30’s there, he seemed pretty cool at first, until he tried to hit on me later in the night, when I had admittedly a little too much to drink (It was a family party.) and I was tipsy, he danced w/ me (Which isn’t considered creepy in Slavic countries, but he danced w/ me in a slow, romantic manner and it was V uncomfortable!) And the straw was when he kissed me neck and called me his “little lady” I pushed him the fuck away and sat on the stairs, too scared to tell anyone and i felt V disgusted and filthy.He ended up w/ my Uncle beating the SHIT outta him though, and he ran the fuck out the house after that. But it to this day scarred me. Mod Azusa; ooo. I don’t tend to have creepy things happen to be very often (i’ve gotten used to quite a bit of it). I can’t recall exactly a time when I’ve been creeped out, but things that go bump in the night can cause uneasiness. I get frightened more often than creeped out. Thank you all so much! I hope you enjoyed this Question and Answer session! We hope to do more of these in the future. Have a great day everyone!

#question and answer #q and a #thanks for 300!! #love you all #please continue to support us

[lomo-is-not-cool]

taggedy tagged by a pal

@gayplant18 tagged me a while ago and I just remembered ayyy

THE LAST

1. drink: waterrrrr bc I’m a healthy ass bitch alright

2. phone call: uh I think my friend Kate who was dying of boredom

3. text message: “gn, love you!” with a heart emoji, to @cat-waffles 

4. song: Dear Happy by Dodie Clark and Thomas Sanders because the song is the best damn thing that has ever happened oml

5. last time you cried: idk I cry a lot so it was probably recently about something being too cute or so smol

6. dated someone twice: lol no bc I get hurt easily

7. kissed someone and regretted it: nope, I have only kissed on lips for dares and spin the bottle and that’s nbd

8. lost someone special: a lot of people leave me or die so yeah

9. been cheated on: OMG ACTUALLY YES AND IT HURTS LIKE FUCK BC IT’S LIKE “OH I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH?”

10. been depressed: bruh I wear my mental illness like a cozy sweater I’m used to it

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nopetynopenope I plan to never drink bc I grew up around alcoholics and they’re scary

3 favorite colors:

12. mint green

13. teal

14. sunshine yellow

IN THE LAST YEAR:

15. fallen out of love: no, fallen in love though

16. laughed until you cried: SO MANY TIMES

17. found out someone was talking about you: actually yes and I cried a lot because they said some really mean things

18. met someone who changed you: so many... I kinda also met myself more and that made me change a bit

19. found out who your friends are: oml I hope this is the end of all the drama that taught me because that hurt so bad

20. kissed someone on your facebook list: I don’t have a facebook

GENERAL:

21. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: see 20

22. do you have any pets: a cat who is pretty but so mean to me

23. do you want to change your name: I’ve wanted to since I was little

24. what did you do for your last birthday: I was in the midst of the friend issues so I had a family party and invited my closest friends left one of whom is @curlycue-otaku and it was actually pretty great to get to be with them

25. what time did you wake up: I am notorious for waking at 2 in the afternoon, ask @cat-waffles who gets really annoyed

26. what were you doing last midnight: it’s 1 a.m. now so doing this

27. something you can’t wait for: death

28. last time you saw your mom: a while ago when my cat was scaring me and I called for help

29. listening to right now: I’m watching How I Met Your Mother in the background

30. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: don’t think so

31. getting on your nerves: people not RESPONDING

32. most visited website: Tumblr or twitter or discord idk

33: hair color: blonde

34. short or long hair: short hair ay

35: do you have a crush on someone: my amAZING DATE MATE

36. what do you like about yourself: well uh rn I feel good so my body and my hair and my ability to pretend to be happy rlly good

37. any piercings: ears but they are closing

38. blood type: O negative so I could donate to any of y’all if you need blood

39. nickname: a lot, but daddy, lornan dune, and sunshine stick out

40. relationship status: HI @cat-waffles

41. zodiac: taurus bitch

42. pronouns: literally any but she sits oddly sometimes idk

43. fave t.v. show: Stranger Things or Riverdale

44. tattoos: I have many many planned

45. right or left handed: ambidextrous, I usually write with my right but left is my primary hand for singing in sign language

46. surgery: no, but I will have to get surgery eventually

47. sport: failing at life

48. vacation: FRANCE OR JAPAN BRUH

49. pair of trainers: idk what that is honestly lol

50. eating: just ate an apple yee

51. drinking: waterrrrrr

52. I’m about to: idk maybe sleep or not

53: waiting for: depression to come back bc I am used to it

54. want: I don’t know? family that likes having me around?

55. Get married: eventually

56, Career: I want to be a pediatric surgeon or a teacher or a voice actor or a lawyer but my DREAM IS TO BE A DISNEY PRINCESS AT DIDNEY WHORL

WHICH IS BETTER:

57. hugs or kisses: BOTH

58. Lips or eyes: eyes

59. short or tall: SHORT BC IT’S SO CUTE

60. older or younger: I like lil kids

61, arms or tummy: on myself? BITCH I WANT BOTH

62. hookup or relationship: relationship 100%

63. troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker

HAVE YOU EVER:

64. kissed a stranger: yee

65. drank hard liquor: noooooo

66. lost my glasses: every damn day

67. turned someone down: a lot actually oops

68. sex on the first date: noooooo

69. had your heart broken: yeah, more by friends and family members than people I date

70. been arrested: NO BUT I GOT TALKED TO BY A POLICE OFFICER RECENTLY

71. cried when someone died: I used to cry when people died but at like funeral 12 it stopped because I got numb to it

72. fallen for a friend: every damn time dude

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

73. yourself: hell nah

74. miracles: yes

75. love at first sight: I’ve felt it so yes

76. Santa: nope

77. kiss on a first date: not for meeee

78. Angels: kinda

OTHER:

eye color: idfk

favorite movie(s): THE NEW SPIDERNAN AHHHHHH

tag 20 peeps: I don’t have many friends and I don’t wish this work upon any other sleep deprived beings like myself  but go ahead and say I tagged ya

[theclash]

I was tagged by @ladystar-dust the other day and finally I have a minute to fill it out! Thank you for tagging me! 

Relationship status: Siiingle Favorite colors: Blue!  Pets:  20 chickens and 2 dogs! Last song I listened to: Can’t You Hear Me Knocking by the Rolling Stones First fandom: UHHHHHHH probably Tokyo Mew Mew... help. But I didn’t ever really blog about it! So idk!  Hobbies: Animal Crossing, music, drawing, eating, collecting records, umm! Reading about music history tbh Favorite book: To Kill A Mockingbird, though I haven’t read it in sooo long Worst thing I’ve eaten: OH BOY um! This one time I was baking cookies and I accidentally used TABLESPOONS of baking soda instead of TEASPOONS and they were SO SALTY oh god Favorite place: TBH I don’t really know!!! I love my good ole home state of Washington.

Are you named after someone? I’m named after the mermaid from the movie Splash :”) When is the last time you cried? Like yesterday probably Do you like your handwriting? Yee!! What is your favorite lunch meat? Turkey ;-0 Do you have kids? Uhhhh no If you were another person, would you be friends with you? I mean,, probably??  Do you use sarcasm? Me? Nope never!  Do you still have your tonsils? ye Would you bungee jump? UHHHHHH proobably not

What is your favorite kind of cereal? Rice Krispies with strawberries :”)  Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? NOPE Do you think you’re a strong person? no. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Tilimook Chocolate Mudslide ITS SO GOOD What is the first thing you notice about people? Hair! Red or pink? Red What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself? Nose :-[ What color pants and shoes are you wearing now? Blue jeans, no shoes (my socks are white with red birds on them tho) What was the last thing you ate? A Kitkat What are you listening to? @assortedsnacks talking on Discord If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Cornflower Blue Favorite smell? Coffee Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? My father  Favorite sport to watch? Baseball AND basketball Hair color? Dark brown Eye color? Blue with hazel ring (I have central heterochromia) Do you wear contacts? NO Favorite food to eat? Any pasta dish Scary movies or comedy? COMEDY Last movie you watched? Atlantis What color shirt are you watching? Light gray (it’s a Led Zep Song Remains The Same shirt btw :-]) Summer or winter? SUMMER Hugs or kisses? NO What book are you currently reading? nothing??? Who do you miss right now? uhhhhhhhhhh my dad but worry not, he comes home Saturday

What is on your mouse pad? uhh I dont have one ghdskjgn What is the last tv program you watched? Futurama! What is the best sound? uh Rolling Stones or The Beatles? THE BEATLES BUT LIKE.... they’re different!!! Lads!! They have very different sounds and style and such. I love them both so much. What is the furthest you have ever traveled? Fuckin’ like... Arizona. LOL (i live in Washington State) Do you have a special talent? animal crossing.. the entire thing

UMMMM okay this is really late so I’m not gonna tag anyone for this one!! Thanks again for tagging me!

[morrigan4]

time for another little rant (ended up not being so little) bc i cannot handle anything rn. i need a month off of school to deal with shit

 i just came back from march break and the week before march break was hell week and i ended up breaking down at the end of it because i wrote 3 midterms did 3 assignments and 2 design papers, added on top was my best friend basically dying and me watch him try and get through one of those midterms and then not be able to finish that bc hes so sick and my bf failing pretty much everything and him not knowing what hes going to do except probably not do CHE. i had a breakdown over that and other shit thats been bugging me while super drunk at my friends house and def said too much bc they all got super concerned with me so yee haw. felt better after i actually talked to them and had the week off, then on this first day back, found out i got a 49 on my structures midterm (3/50 on first question and 46/50 on the second bc the prof put stuff on there that we had seen before once and we all didnt get it) and i am 99% sure i failed my physics midterm bc the average was below 50. my structures prof asked us what was wrong with his teaching and was super nice until someone actually gave him criticism and he flipped and blamed us for only studying off of the previous midterms (from like the last 5 years) and not looking at the one assignment question from weeks ago that we all couldnt do. the class afterward was physics and after he told us the average he then decided to spend half the class telling us were too stupid for engg and we should all just go back to HS. were also SUPER behind in that class so glad he was able to take time for that. THEN my poor bf is still going through it bc he pissed off his dad so his dad turned off the wifi just for him and so my bf stayed at my house all day after class so hed have wifi and wouldnt have to stay on campus. when he went home his dad made him up a contract saying that he cant use discord or youtube or anything other than schoolwork or else hell have the wifi cut off for a month, when theres only a month left of school. he just went on a walk and i was like let me know when you get back, and he replied with ‘no promises ill come back’. luckily he did but i spent the whole time waiting for him to get back crying my eyes out bc i tried to think about what i would do if he just didnt come back and my brain just short-circuited. also his mom isnt being supportive like she normally is which is very surprising. hes in-between therapists bc they decided he ‘wasnt bad enough’ but im pretty sure hes bad enough now. Like i know im in a toxic household but DAMN his parents are supposed to be more chill than mine. i thought i would end up having to stay at his house bc of my parents not him having to stay at mine bc of his. worst part is that i thought my mental health was getting better but no but i guess its fine

#personal rant #personal