#I want fucking meaningful relationships

[i-spit-blood]

Why can’t I ever actually enjoy things! There is always some level of anxiety and uncomfortableness! I’m always so tense and uncomfortable it’s fucking exhausting! I’m tired and want everything to stop making noise and breathing!!!!!

#idky I’m so angry #I just really hate my life #and privileged people #I’m tired of being alone all the time #I want fucking meaningful relationships #but nobody wants to be around me #everyone sucks ass #vents&thoughts🍁⚔️ #vents #bpd anger #bpd rage #angry #im so annoyed #i’m tired #i want to kms #can i die yet? #uncomfortable

[jopzer]

something about roy tucking his face into jamie's neck during 2x12 as a direct contrast to jamie having fully melted into the hug during 2x08 but still taking a few beats before his eyebrows turn and He tucks in his face and starts hiccuping. yea

#beebles #royjamie #ted lasso #roy kent #jamie tartt #i don't have anything smart or sexy to say about this one it's just like. damn #jamie has accepted the affection but the shock and sheer terror in his veins slowly falling off of him #till he's just sobbing quietly into roy's shoulder and the whole team is just fucken. Watching. #to then roy head butting the fuck out of him because their relationship is sort of built on violence?? #and taking it from him and treating him delicately would be theeeeeee last thing jamie would want from him #especially at that stage in his character arc #tbh in both of their character arcs. #but to immediately follow it up with such unwavering and blinding affection #not even just hauling him into the hug but tucking his nose against jamie's next #directly paralleled to jamie tucking his face into roy's #god. God!!! #roy gave the first affection after an act of violence twice!! in such differing contexts!! #and they were both equally meaningful!!! #roy kent!!! you fascinate me!!!! #so deeply deeply the zeitgeist of their whole relationship #they have to have some sort of violent undercurrent before they can really connect and even when they do that violence persists #in a really compelling way btw i love it #theyre besties they inexorably tied to one another theyre sharing traumas and secrets and they also canonically knock one another senseless #i love it. love their relationships to love and violence and emptiness and consumption #man y'all's baggage just lines right up don't it.

[transmascutena]

thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder

#akio and utena #m #long ramble in the tags sorry: #the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human #he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims #he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry. #and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios #(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think. #like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her #i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing #not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that. #and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did #but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her? #whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway #idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims #the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it? #how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions. #(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive #but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.) #when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her #but is there something genuine there too? i don't know. #again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me. #on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had #reflected back at him through her mean anything? #is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid. #either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over. #i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways) #but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly #wants you to analyze and think about. #which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.

[forwantofacalling]

arent you tired of following orders. dont you just wanna go apeshit.

[NOT A SHIP ART]

#boy who says 'mission complete' vs boy who says 'i will bathe in their blood' #to me executor is just that one fucking dude that flamebringer really wants to see lose his shit #the annoyance and the annoyed dynamic except its about fighting for your own purpose vs fighting for someone else's #arknights #arknights fanart #oh ur ship has never even met each other? well my ship isnt even a ship #*platonifies your otp but changes nothing about the meaningful parts of their relationship because the boundaries between what is romantic- #- and platonic are subjective* #arknights executor #flamebringer #arknights flamebringer #does anyone know if the name comes first or if ak comes first #tags my beloathed #anyway

[yj-98]

how does the kon crimes get worse btw.

#WHAT DO YOU **MEAN** SHE DOESNT LIKE KON-EL AS A NAME BECAUSE IT WAS GIVEN TO HIM #THE CONCEPT OF. A GIVEN NAME? #also like. ik shes trans so idk if its just a disconnect with given names vs chosen but like? #i will say. as a trans person. who was GIVEN my new(er) name (rook) by a close friend. not a parent. like. #i do not think. that clark giving kon 'kon-el' as a welcome into the family. that makes kon so happy because he finally HAS a name #is the same as. your parents naming you? like his relationship w/ clark is complex. not that she gets it i guess because like #kon doesnt . resent him. what hte fuck are you doing #like. having your name given to you by someone you care deeply about can be so meaningful actually #and if u want to graduate him from superboy. YES! but HOW ARE YOU SO FUNDAMENTALLY MISUNDERSTANDING KON #rook.log

[lesbiansanemi]

I am so fucking sick of living with my roommate and his fuck ass boyfriend. Also watching my roommate burn every single one of his (already rather minimal, I might add) bridges for this guy is also kind of painful but also his relationship with me is one of said bridges so I'm almost past the point of even feeling bad for him lmao

#i have had to piss for probably the better part of an hour now #because they decided to take a shower together and have been in there for well OVER an hour now #and this is a nightly occurence atp sometimes MULTIPLE times a day #we have one bathroom.... can yall not be considerate enough to not be in there for up to TWO HOURS AT A TIME??? #also it's such a waste of fucking water.... #idk we've hit a point where i literally hear the bf doing anything and i get pissed off #but also tell me why i'm sitting in my room (which shares a wall with the bathroom) and i can hear this man hacking and spitting shit up #and this is also something that happens multiple times a day #like.... dude.... why are you spitting up toothpaste so fucking loudly oh my fucking god #but yeah no i'm like my roommate's only friend atp and he's about to not have me lmao like we're about to reach #'i'm cutting you off when i move out' levels of me being pissed off with this whole situation type shit #and apparently the bf convinced him to come out to his family which his mom was chill which is good #his dad's side of the family though....? not great. and my roommate KNEW that would be the case cuz we'd talked about it before #also love that my roommate has constantly talked about moving out of the city we live in because he hates and also there's no good career #opportunities for him here (which is true) #and now. MAGICALLY. he's like 'idk i think it'd be best for me to stay here' #like oh my GOD???? are you hearing yourself???? are you fucking stupid???? you fucking hate it here??? #but sure throw your life away and ruin all your meaningful relationships for a guy you met six months ago jfc #and the thing is i *know* my roommate we've been close CLOSE friends for nearly a decade now #i know he is not like this.... like yeah he's being insane by allowing this but also i know these aren't the kinds of decisions he would ma #and also i know he wouldn't treat me like this all on his own #it's the deranged fucking control freak of a guy he decided to date and my roommate has too many of his own issues to put his foot down #about certain things and tell the guy no so he's just allowing him to completely take over his life #and fuck everything up until the bf is the only thing he has left once it's all said and done #and yeah. it's painful to watch. but also wtf am i supposed to do because obviously my opinion is not respected nor wanted regarding this #that has been made PAINFULLY clear #ugh this is so fucking horrendous #what is it with ppl who start to date someone and then go clinically fucking insane and destroy their lives all for this one person #who. realistically. they barely know in comparison to all the other ppl in their life #like explain it to me jfc

[clottedscream]

this is SO kids when all they have in the world is each other-coded. literally SO you’re all that i have-pilled. so found family core

#sad siblings #dairydraws #epithet erased #paranatural #parasona #inscribedsona #original character #neurodivergent characters #audhd #see. see it’s meaningful because winnie hates speaking out loud #but she can’t say what she means and hug him at the same time #so she sacrifices that comfort to comfort him #see. do you see. do you see what i’m saying. do you fucking see- #i realized i haven’t been making enough art fleshing out winnie’s side of the relationship #yknow like a lot of my serious art of them has christopher being the one protecting winnie #which is like. fine because that’s kind of his role. but also i want to show that their friendship still goes both ways #i want to be able to write like. a non canon interview asking them what they like about each other #and have good answers on both sides. that’s kinda a good thing to strive to b able to do #when writing a friendship

[trekkele]

the way the batkids are used as tools to bash Bruce’s character is so annoying

I dont even mean ‘fans acknowledging canon in which Bruce is a shit’ i mean ‘fans taking Bruces accomplishments/talents/skills, giving them to his kids, and then erasing them from Bruce’

#tim didnt save WE from crumbling be so fucking for real rn #bruce was running WE for decades with Lucius Fox before Tim even cared #even if you want to argue Bruce delegated more then he did #thats still more then Tim did lmao #Tim ran one charity for WE and owned stocks #or saying dick and clark have a more meaningful and deeper relationship then clark and bruce #or that bruce cant hack anything and harasses babs for help #or literally anything about him being bad with kids actually #like textually bruce has always been very good with victims #this has been a core part of his batman shtick for years #its so fucking annoying #anyways baby has fever so i cant think today

[dykekakashi]

i know it's a complaint as old as time but literally white queer people stop being racist omggg. or at least stop calling urselves anti-racist just bc u wanna get a good grade in woke activism

#white queers: 200 land back and blm pins on their backpack #also white queer ppl when nonwhite queers are in the room: i pretend i do not See. or Hear. i pretend these aren't queer people at all #gay white men are like triple whammy of oh you're a poc AND i don't want to fuck you so i don't need to know you. and they get away w it #everyyy fucking time bc they are gay omg #*gay white men anyway #so many people will excuse men's misogyny just bc they don't have a wife to abuse at home #and it's literally symptomatic of the way people just subconsciously see women as economic units for their reproductive and cheap labor #capabilities in the end #so the only place where our experiences are meaningful is in relationships w men #ugh whatever #queer comm rant over

[demcnsinmymind]

reading @badassxbirdy 's reply like

#thread commentary #~them~ #'I’d still like us to be friends' #joke's on you tyler #the fact that you kinda are friends and that he genuinely likes you is exactly whyyyyy #lance : I don't want friends and I don't need friends and I don't have friends and I don't have time for friends and I don't care #also lance : has friends and 9 outta 10 times would totally sleep with/has slept with them #lance : secretly wants to be a good and genuine friend with a few select people #*cough* sasha and matt *cough* #also lance : -utterly- fucks it up because he's just the worst pre canon and he knows it #'this is fine' tm meme #he is friend material but like super terrible friend material lmaooo #lance : I only do superficial hook ups and I don't do anything meaningful or deep #or anything that even remotely qualifies as any type of relationship #also Lance : Sasha situation happens and Tyler situation happens #lmao the pattern is just hilarious

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#gonna be depressing in the tags for a moment #pls excuse me #but whenevery i see a pair of friends that are like soulmates together #who laugh and scream about what they love and have so many things in common #i always become the personification of ''i want what they have'' #ever since i was a child i would pray (you heard that right lol) to get a best friend who shared my interests and passions #(and who was gay but that's included in interests and passions lol tho i didn't know it at the time) #i dream with the sitcom worthy friendships with the you get the key to my house and you can come in whenever #we just spend days sitting together and not even talking just being there #or the next best thing. find it online! #but that will never happen and i need to accept that #not even for lack of trying... i even went to a hobby class for a whole month trying to make friends irl #but it's impossible for the simplest reason... i don't enjoy it! #every time i try to do something new and out of my comfort zone i fail misserably because it's literal hell to me #how can i make a friend if i cannot talk to people? #online or whatever?! #i can't even talk to the people i know from school or whatever #i put in so much fucking effort and freak myself out! #and it's not working and it won't work and idk what to do about it! #so yeah i don't think i'm capable of having meaningful relationships actually #and i need to really accept that cause otherwise i will forever dream with it #like i need to stop trying to chase after it it's just not gonna happen #i guess people have these feelings about romantic partners? well not me lol #anyways... #angel talks #personal

[jopzer]

okay. i have finally finished my rewatch and i think i've finally made sense of my thoughts vis a vis ted and jamie's relationship.

i think it's very interesting that the exact moment ted pulls away from being directly involved in jamie's development is when he realizes that what jamie needs is a father. like in season one and arguably the first half of season two he is very hands on in trying to get jamie to realize his potential/the error of his ways but like. things are noticeably different after he sees him and james through the door, and then after wembley they do not really interact again in a meaningful way until mom city. roy literally picks it up as ted sets it down, like. he can't be what jamie needs he doesn't Want to, he can barely even handle what he feels for henry like we see in mom city, he's not picking up a bonus son you know

i really do think it's a very interesting way to handle their relationship specifically. they're so so intertwined in their character arcs and they're constantly setting each other's off but they can't really meet in the middle because ted can't/won't connect with him on that level. they're a son without a father and a father without a son and they can't click into that relationship because ted pulls away from him the minute it becomes clear that's what jamie needs, and we see it come full circle and see why in his monologue during mom city

#beebles #ted lasso #jamie tartt #idk it FASCINATES MEEEE #i think it's also very meaningful that we see ted give jamie dog shit advice about his dad in this same episode #because ted hasn't engaged with jamie much and he Doesn't know the extent of james' fuckery #and ted's own daddy issues are clouding it too like #he spent so long with sharon learning how to forgive his father for what he did #why Wouldn't jamie benefit from that same forgiveness you know?? #but we are all in agreement that it was dogshit advice. #and it was dogshit advice precisely because he won't engage with jamie on that level #and i think whether or not jamie even wants ted to fill that role is very debatable #i love their weird relationship #they're not father and son to me they're mother and daughter #and the tying jamie and henry together was also fucking fascinating btw #like when they interact in s1 whatever that episode is #and then in we'll never have paris when henry is playing with them it's him and jamie that are celebrating together first #and he's wearing jamie's number??? #so jamie gets to haunt ted for the rest of henry's soccer career????? #fascinating stuff. fascinating stuff. #you'll literally never get away from the sound of that boy who loved you ted. #because that's exactly what they do they haunt each other's arcs

[mintedwitcher]

I am violently wrestling Evan Buckley out of Tim Minear's hands until that man can give him a love interest who doesn't just fuck off at random okay thanks.

#im . .. genuinely annoyed #by the idea that tommy is gonna be another one-and-done situation #literally what was the fucking point of it all then? #no let me guess. #tommy is going to see something at the bachelor party between buck and eddie #and decide all at once that buck is just too much for him #or that buck cant be ready for tommy because of eddie #which is such bullshit #even if there was any canon confirmation that buck likes eddie (which there HASNT BEEN. buddie shippers pipe down) #(inferrence is not the same as confirmation) #that doesnt mean that buck cannot have a meaningful relationship with anyone else #ESPECIALLY since Eddie is currently straight AND TAKEN #ESPECIALLY!!! when buck has stated bluntly that he WANTS TO BE WITH TOMMY #but no yeah this is a great fucking plan guys. give the abandonment issues baby queer MORE abandonment #GREAT writing skills you guys. really. top marks. fuck off. #look obviously i dont know what will happen #all of this is based on that one snippet saying that it looks like tommy wont be around after 7x06 #but if this is another abby situation. another ali. another taylor. another natalia... then what the fuck was the point? #oliver kept telling us this would be the season where Buck breaks the cycle. but theyve still got him on that fucking hanster wheel. #coming back to this hours later bc i forgot to add actually relevant tags whoops #911 abc #911 on abc #evan buckley

[hauntingblue]

NAMI NEEDS TO GO UP THERE AND FIGHT BIG MOM I AM SO SERIOUS!!! THIS IS A BATTLE FOR THE ROMANCE DOWN TRIO!! SANJI DO NOT DARE TAKE HER SPOT!!!

#big mom just giving birth here on the battlefield..... #do i comment on the incestuous relationship between clouds made of the same soul??? no?? okay... #oh jesus.... goodbye kid and killer.... nami needs to get up there and take control of zeus and i am so serious #HER SKILL IS SO POWERFUL AND SO PERFECT FOR THIS FIGHT AGAINST BIG MOM BUT BECAUSE SHE IS NOT PART OF THE STRONG TRIO SHE GETS STUCK WITH #THE B LIST VILLAINS!!!! LKKE WHY DOES SHE NEED TO FIGHT ULTI?? OKAY THAT WAS MEANINGFUL BUT THAT COULD END THERE!!!! #SANJI GO FIGHT PAGE ONE!!! SOMEONE TAKE CARE OF ULTI AND LET LUFFY ZORO AND NAMI TAKE CARE OF KAIDO AND BIG MOM!!! I AM SERIOUS!!! #big mom is inside the castle.... maybe i will get my wish granted (kinda...) #kid and nami against big mom.... maybe sanji can join... i can see it so clearly.... come on now..... #if namo knew armor haki she would have gone up there and taken zeus and dealt with prometheus and his sister wife. let the others w/ big mom #fucking hawkins... end him killer.... calling him domesticated lmao... end his pathetic ass #using conqueror's haki on the weapons..... also zoro having it too.... the flower petals symbolism..... OHHHHHHHHH #nani indeed...... BREAK THAT MACE!!!! YEAAHHH!!!! law is completely baffled #KAIDO GOT SENT BACK!!!! LETSGOOOOO AND THE OG INTRO MUSIC QUICKS IN!!!! law just saw god again.... #he said fuck off i got this.... omg.... he is either gonna nearly die and doesn't want them to follow or doesn't want to worry about them #while he fights and they try to defend him.... no other explaination (apart for 4 the plot reasons) #talking tag #watching one piece #episode 1028 #luffy king of everything that was such a slay #they changed luffy chiquito's design.... #i was gonna say luffy swimming...... but he can't yet akdhajsj #yasopp taking care of everyones children but his own...... i see how it is.... #WHY WOULD SHANKS STAY IN GOA IF NOT TO TALK WITH GARP WHO LIVES THERE!!! I AM TELLING YOU SHANKS IS IN KAHOOTS WITH THE MARINES!!!! #i was thinking about shanks scar... and thought it might be from buggy with his three knives in between his fingers you know #but it is too small... like the knives would take more space.... but maybei might be reaching and it is from buggy and not like a little paw #or little hand.... however much distrubing you want to paint it.... #shanks is testing little luffy's intelligence... he knows his weak spot already akdhjasj #uta calling herself a diva.... ajshaksn might this be the reason luffy was so inclined to having a musician since the start??? #episode 1029 #that was like a perfectly realistic relationship between an older smartass girl and a younger boy lmao it was spot on

[chronic-crassicaudiosis]

Lately I've been feeling invisible around everyone, acquaintances and friends.

For months I have been the only one to reach out and felt like they (my +10years friends) were even avoiding me or I was annoying them when I entered the conversation.

Yesterday's night I got so fed up I just quietly left and deleted them from everything. I did not block them, If they want they can still reach me.

The saddest part it's that they are not going to notice anything. They haven't notice anything. Maybe I should have done this before...

OT 30 min later: they are blocking Telegram in Spain rn, so if you want to keep using while its gone install a vpn or enable a proxy XOXO

#ofc im continuing the rant on the tags this is tumblr after all #i'm almost 28 and at this point I think I'm close to giving up relationships entirely #just accept that I have crazy expectations and 2 many issues to ever make a meaningful connection with anyone that's not a cat dog or cactu #or maybe i have 100 walls up all the time and not let anyone in #I also hate that the 'quickest' way to enter a friend-group its fucking someone who's already in it #I just want to wake up in a twink boy body who lives in Madrid and goes to the Sauna Paraiso from time to time #Spoiler -> When I feel down the first thing I do is... ISOLATE MYSELF!!! so maybe this is all in my head #I'll blame it on my parents that gave me a crazy long name that no one can remember

[formerheroeswhoquittoolate]

*deep breath* okayso I feel like this blog has devolved into a shit ton of batfamily thoughts so I'm about to come out of left field here but (warning for self-harm below the cut) (oh also this is So long) (and ignore how angry my tags are the actual ramble is much less rant and much more depositing character thoughts) (okay disclaimer over)

when are we gonna go back to laura kinney's self harm shit?

because that shit was a big deal??? like??? she was cutting from such a young age and for so long and then we get a little "crazy ex-cutter girlfriend" line in the all-new x-men and that's it.

not to mention the crazy shit she did in aforementioned anxm? like she got lit on fire. so yeah it wasn't actively self-harming but. that's still hurting herself.

and then gabby came along and it was a hard stop. no more of that. she was responsible for this little thirteen-year-old-ish tiny version of her who'd lost her sisters and her whole world and didn't feel pain and laura was responsible for teaching her that just because it heals fast doesn't mean it doesn't matter.

and the other thing, and the thing I'd bet money on being true for laura because we know it's true for akihiro: your emotions affect how you heal. akihiro just straight up did not grow his arm back that one time. guilt and regret and shame are so tied up in the way they heal.

and for the first two hellfire galas laura wore gloves that covered her arms entirely.

and I have to say I want to know what happened. does she still have her scars? is she ashamed of them? did she ever tell gabby what they were? are they healing? will they ever heal?

did they not come with her when the five brought her back? is that why she wears the gloves and the sleeves -- because her scars are gone now, and she wasn't exactly fond of them, but they were still a part of her, a record of where she'd been, and it feels a little strange to look down and not see them anymore?

did they heal sometime between her earlier days as wolverine and now? did they heal while she was on krakoa? on the x-men? did they heal for talon but not for her? or vice versa? does talon have the scars now and laura does not? another way laura is technically now a copy of who she originally was? do her arms no longer bear the marks from who she used to be? or did they never in the first place? are they even hers?

how does she feel about them, now that she's come out the other side? now that she has a family, a life, a purpose outside of the perfect little killing machine? does she see the scars on gabby's face the same way she sees hers? does she see akihiro's tattoos the same way? do the others ever say things? has logan ever asked? has remy, has jubilee, has gabby? how does gabby feel about them? does she even understand what they mean?

#look all I'm saying is I'd be WAY more interested in this than whatever the fuck gerry duggan is doing with talon #like I like forced heterosexual relationships between an interesting standalone character and a vaguely relevant second-stringer #wait. no I don't. #I think it's dumb #and look at this #you could be doing something so interesting and meaningful with laura #you could hhhhhhh I don't even know! that's how great this is! the options are so open! #you don't even have to get rid of talon! you could let them coexist! or hell they could even talk about it! fight about it! I don't know! #do you see my vision #tw self destructive behavior #tw self harm #tw sh #tagging that cause. important to warn people #wolverine #x-23 #laura kinney #talon #I JUST WANT THINGS TO BE INTERESTING AND THIS VAULT WOLVERYNCH BULLSHIT IS NOT INTERESTING AT ALL I'M NOT SORRY #comics rant #more of a ramble to be honest #adding my #gerry duggan hate tag