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#I tottaly started crying when talking about my friends and how much I love them
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I vent way too much on here. Like, I'm sorry, I just need an outlet :,) So I'm venting again - and it's kinda intense. You don't even need to read this.
(Tw: SH & Suicide)
I said in an earlier post that my depression was getting bad again (which is cringe /j). I didn't think it would ever be this bad, though. I am taking care of 2 kids as well as a house cause my mom keeps making excuses on why she's not here. The kids have missed about 2 months of school. It got so bad that the police showed up.
I honestly feel like a failure to my kids. My older brother is a big help, but he's graduating this year. Then, he's moving out right after cause he doesn't wanna be stuck in this shit hole of a home. Can't say I blame him. But that means I'm gonna be stuck here with 2 kids and a house to take care of without a mother figure.
I am failing all except 2 of my classes and can't take care of anyone, not even myself. I can barely even get the energy to wash my face. It's gotten to the point where I only take 1-2 showers a week, when I usually take one every 2-3 days.
I can't cook for shit and the dishes are used up as soon as I wash them. We barely have actual meals cause my mom basically stopped going shopping. She just buys sodas and snacks from the dollar store every week.
I feel like shit all the time, but I can't stop cleaning or doing something around the house cause of how quickly things pile up.
I live with my brother (17), sister (7), cousin (10 m), and mom (if she even counts anymore), and now apparently my aunt is moving in too. I live in a 2 bed 1 bath. There is no room for someone else. I already slept in my moms room with my little sister. (And mom if she's home)
My house is such a shit hole. So, I don't wanna stay there but school is stressful and I cry almost every day there. So, there's literally no escaping my stress and anxiety.
I try and make jokes at school to get away from it all. But it's getting harder and harder to try and keep everything bottled in. I joke about killing myself and shit but sometimes, it genuinely crosses my mind. I would never do it, and those thoughts scare me.
I used to SH about a year ago. It's not some I'm proud of, but it's true. I would like to say I'm clean now, and thankfully, my recovery process was quick. But sometimes I'll catch myself thinking about it. It scares me, but it's happening quite often nowadays.
I have a lot of shit on my plate, and somehow, I'm still supposed to have good grades and stable mental health. My own mother said that I'm definitely not mentally ill. She barely knows who I am anymore.
I'm just so tired. But that doesn't mean I don't have good things in my life. I am so grateful for the two best friends I think I've ever had. They get me through the day, and I love them more than they know. I wish I could let them know just how much I care about them and how much they have impacted my life since I've met them.
I've known one of them for just 2 years, and I only started talking to my boyfriend at the beginning of school. But it feels like I've known them forever. I hope they know how much they really mean to me.
Anyways, sorry for the rant, I've just had those thoughts bottled up for a while and needed to get them out of my system. I've come to find that just talking about my feelings through text is really therapeutic. So that's probably why I talk about my problems so much on here. And it's not like people see these anyways, so it's kinda like my own personal diary that only one other person sees.
So, again, sorry for the long ass rant. I hope you have a lovely night or day. Mwah <3 gn lovelies.
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tomdiddlyumptious · 3 years
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YES MA’AM- REQUESTS ARENT OPEN AT THE MOMENT I HAVE SOME TO FINISH AND ILL OPEN THEM BACK UP!
Summary: he makes it up 🥸
Warnings: soft smut? Language, acting drunk to leave, a jealous Tom holland, NOT PROOF READ
A/n: SORRY THIS TOOK ME SOOO LONG, I WAS LIKE MENTALLY PANICING AND WASNT IN THE RIGHT HEAD SPACE
T.H| Oop-
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“I mean am I sleeping over though? Because I didn’t get these chocolate cakes for no reason, zendaya” you eye your phone. “Yes we will have a marathon of Harry Potter” you let out a little ‘yes’ “stop cheering y/n, and Toms gonna be there” “as in...” “yes. Tom holland, impossible tom holland” “REEEEE” you and zendaya have been best friends for what felt like foreverrr, like dramatically long, you played as one of her love interests.
But you’ve had a crush on Tom holland for longer, you had him on your wall, just kidding. But everyone in your family, mostly your mom said “oh you like snow flakes?” “Interracialllllll” “alright give me my privileged babies soon” “damn I kinda took you for the Asian type” “yeah I thought you liked BTS” “UK accents is hella annoyin, find someone else” “would you stop hoggin the TV? I’m tryna watch American Top Model!” “Nah let’s watch basesketball-“ anyways, ya you have annoying, irritating family, oh well.
“You think he likes dark skinned type?” “He likes girls with aggressive tans I know that much” “that isn’t helpful” “hey I’m just being honest” she shrugged looking at you through the phone as she picked up her makeup brush. “So what are gonna do for your birthday?” “I-uhhhh probably clubbing?” “As in golf?” “No, party y/n” she glared at you as you chuckled.
“Please ask hunter when we are getting married” “y/n, I know you have an insane crush on her to but it’s just never gonna happen, she’s mine” you stuck out your tongue at her as she did the same chanting “she’s mine, she’s mine” “whatever I need to get ready” “bye papas” “bye mamas” you hung up, instantly going to your closet and pulling out the dresses you have, only to put them back and grab a two piece, it’s neon yellow, the pants are high waisted, no belt, the top stopping right below your boob, the straps at the end of your collar bone.
For accessories you put on some black dangle earrings and a black purse, a gold but matching watch, but you put on sandals, no high heels because the pants were covering your feet anyways, for your hair you put on your wet and wavy lace front, you added lip gloss to your lips, and they look like glass, in a good way of course, the fox eyeliner with thick parted eyelashes and a neon eyeshadow with it. You brushed your eyebrows up and boom your done.
You stepped back and went to your full body mirror, checking your butt and your boobs, smiling at yourself “you look fine” you sigh, grabbing your bag, phone, and keys.
You phone rung and you answered. “Yes z?” “Are you picking me up?” “Yeah sure babe, I’ll be there soon” “alright bye” she hung up. Luckily for you, you just got your 1966 mustang, vibrant white baby, everyone would wanna touch your car, you named him KAI, stands for kiss ass ight. The License plate saying “white ssn”. (I’m sorry but I really like these old kinds of cars, I fucking had to) you hoped in your car and drove to dayas home, you picked her and her brother up, just listening to old 2000’s and 1900s songs, either rapping or singing your asses off.
You guys were there pretty early but of course you were, it’s her birthday, she didn’t want to dance yet because of her makeup and you felt the same, leaving her brother smacking his lips and eyes glued to his phone.
Now everyone was starting to come, hunter, Jacob, alexia, Barbie, everyone, and most importantly, Thomas Stanley holland. No cap you bout dead as fuck, did I mention you run on Red Bull’s? Just kidding. You remained calm, hugging hunter and talking to her. “Hey” zendaya said, grabbing your hand and pulling you up, pulling you to Tom. “Hi Thomas, this is y/n” “the one and only?” He laughed, making you both giggle. “Yeah” she nodded, Tom got up, opening his arms and she pinched you, silently telling you to hug him. And you did, taking a breath you smelled him, he smelled really good, sexy and musky, like something you’d want to smell all day.
“You smell nice” Tom whispered. “Yeah you too” you smiled, pulling back from his hands as he nodded at you and sat back down, you looked and zendaya as she silently cheered, you walked back over to hunter and ordered something to drink. “So you and Tom?” She asked, you only rolled your eyes. “You know I’ve had a crush on him for years now but I don’t think I’ll be making any progress” you thanked the person as they handed you the cheerily temple. “Whattt? This is your chance to get drunk and confess your feelings, like wake up in the morning with him” you smacked your lips at her “girl I don’t know, and I wouldn’t want him to forget what happend” you shrugged. She put her hand on your shoulder making you look at her “take a shot, before zendaya pressures the fuck out of you both” she warns, making you sigh and throw yourself back in the seat.
“I know and that’s the problem, I don’t think-“ “you’ve had a crush in him for years y/n, you can make this a reality, you don’t have to dream anymore” zendaya whispered in your ear “I told you” hunter smiled. “Fuck stop smiling at me like that, you’re gonna make me fall in love all over again” you said making them both laugh. “Okay Cupid what’s your plan?” “Don’t worry bout it alright girl?” “Alright”
“Harrison fuck off it’ll happen when it happens” “well it seems like she’s bored, I’ll go entertain her” “don’t you fuckin dare haz, I’ll beat the shit out of you” instead of haz getting up Harry did, he walked over to you and sat down next to you, the lights and music booming as he took out his camera. “Hey” he smiled at you. “Hi, I’m-“ “y/n, yeah I know, I’m Toms brother, Harry” he held out his hand and you took it. “I thought you looked really beautiful- I was just wondering if you wanted to take a few pictures?” “Oh I’m not the picture type” “pleaseee?” He beggged, you giggled and nodded. “Alright” he took a few pictures of you as Tom stared at you.
“He’s tottaly gonna get instead of you” Harrison whispered in his ear, making Thomas slap his arm “shut up div, I’m just gonna wait here and I’ll see what happens” he told haz his game plan, no progress. Zendaya walked over “I know you like y/n, please hit on her, you both would look so good together, you’d bring me smoll Bebes-“ “Jesus zendaya we get it” Tom rolls his eyes as haz lets out distant chuckles.
“This is so awkward, he doesn’t like me and-“ you sighed. “Oh my god, you never give up so easily y/n, what’s wrong you’ve liked him since preteens” hunter asked in all seriousness. “Are you talking about Tom?” Harry asks, both of you looking at him and letting out a way to fast “no” leaving Harry in giggles. “Well I wish I could help you but I don’t know anything” he shrugs, you soon see Tom make his way over to you, standing infront of you. He clears his throat to say something big but only lets out an-
“Hey” you wave back at him, hunter silently cringing, feeling the tension able to cut it with a butter knife. “Your so fücked” Harry laughed, Tom glaring at him but smiling back at you. “Uhm, how’s your day?” “To be honest I’m having a bit of anxiety right know” you both laughed “me too, yeah” he nods his head. “Look you don’t have to really speak to me if you don’t want to” you laughed “I think we both know-“ “zendaya” you both said. Hunter looked at Harry, panicking for you as you remained calm. “Okay- yeah- thanks” he smiled, as you returned, he walked off.
“You fucked up” “well what was I supposed to do Harry? Suck his dick?-“ “it would’ve made some progress” “shut up hunter” “I feel awkward for you” “second hand emarrassment hunter” “well you knew what I meant Harry so we are all good” you looked at them both “I’m fucked” they just both agree with you. “I think I’m gonna go” “then I’m coming!” Hunter said. “How are you gonna leave zendaya?” You only picked up his beer can, winking at him and hunter ‘helped’ you out.
“Woah woah woah where are you two going?” Zendaya asked, the shit in her hand as she looked confused. “She’s drunk” “whattttt no I’m nottt” zendaya looked at you as your eyes were barely opened, taking your finger and pushing it against hunters lips dramatically. “Let me tell yaa E sevret” you whispered at zendaya, you came close to her ear, “I’m so naw dunk” “you drunk, get out of here, Tom will give me a ride” zendaya waved you both off, Harry soon running up “let me get your number at least, yeah?” “Sureeeee” you wink at him, he hands you a pen and you write your number, a nice happy face next to it.
“Let’s get you home, nice show you out on” you took your time, trying to look drunk as possible. “My whole life is madness! I can’t- he doesn’t like me I promise you” you say, pulling out of the parking lot, hunter right next to you. “He does, let’s bet on it” “how much?” “200” “shake on it?” She handed you her hand and you shook it. “SOMETIMES YOU LAUGH SOMETIMES YOU CRY I GUESS YOU KNOW NOWWW, I TOOK THE HALF AND SHE TOOK THE WHOLE THING SLOW DOWNN” you both sung together “BABY” you both both failed the note, laughing together as you rode both of you home.
“She left” zendaya shruged, “what why?” “Shes black out drunk” Tom put his eyebrows together, he was litterally with you like a couple minutes ago, sober as hell. “Yeah... alright” he nodded, Harry took out his phone and sent you a simple hey, which you returned under a minute later.
Everyone had a lot of fun, you and hunter ordering some random stuff off of Amazon and making the cake that you would both send to zendaya the next day, on the other side everyone danced and drank, they were sober enough to go eat at least. “Who are you texting?” Tom asked Harry. “Y/n, she’s showing me the things that she’s ordering or something like that, I wonder why she’s a Harry Potter addict” toms jaw slightly clenched, “can I see?” He asked, Harry looked at him, forgetting that you’re supposed to be ‘drunk’ “Nah mate, she’s drunk texting me though” “bulshit, give me the phone” Harry sighed as he gave tom the phone, scrolling through the text messages the messages were alive, not dead at all, no lols, laughing emojis, more ‘lmao’ ‘AKDIHDIHFRJRFN-‘ ‘I- what? Okay-‘ he couldn’t help but be jealous, he handed Harry back the phone.
“What’s wrong?” Harry asked, looking at Tom confused. “You know I like her” “it didn’t seem like it back there” Harry smirked. “Do you like her?” Tom asked, Harry only shook his head “all for you, just making conversation and trying to pull her closer” “whattt Harry got the digits and you didn’t?” Haz whispered, “fuck off”
“But this is like, really ugly” “that’s why it’s called an ugly Christmas sweater, y/n” you layer on her arm, looking at Kohl’s, “green for sure, red is just plain” “how about we get like onzies of animals or the incredibles” hunter looked at you “perfect, yeah” you nod ferociously.
You checked your phone and saw some messages, from you dad and you mom but also Harry, you were quick to answer them all, and as the night got old you had finished the cake.
“I don’t know mate do some research on her, watch her interviews” haz suggests as they were all home, Tom mentally panicking because Harry’s eyes was glued to his phone, he whipped out his computer and searched your name, ‘Y/N has a CRUSH on who?’ He bit his lip and clicked it
“Sooo, we know your the romantic type- so who were you in love with?” The interviewer said, you smiled and shook your head. “I’ve always had a crush on Evan peters, algee smith from let it shine, Keith powers, and of course Tom holland, I don’t know but just in all his movies he was the cutest thing” you giggled, putting a leg over the other. “That’s a lot of people” “hey, I only crush on one now, and yes it’s Tom holland” the girl raised her eyebrows at the camera “you make sure you hit her up” “please do” you wink at the camera, “now, you feel sexy most when?” “Probably when I take a shower and put on my silk robe” you shrugged.
“Silk? Sexy” Tom smiled to himself, imagining you in it, maybe a towel over your freshly washed hair, lingerie under, maybe a mustard yellow to match your skin, his eyes widened in shock as he felt uncomfterble in his pants, he looked down at his pants “fuck, not now!”
“Are you really crying?” Hunter asked. “No I’m having an emotional roller coaster” “so your feeling different emotions, your so bipolar” hunter laughs, “your not helping you know” she only shrugged at you, then the door was knocked on “I’ll go get it” “alright” you acted sleep, thinking that it was probably zendaya and... you were right. “Hey is she sleep?” She asked, hugging hunter. “yeah, but come in- she’s on the couch” hunter smiled, hearing zendayas foot steps and she giggled “she’s sober by now” she bent down, wiggling your ear and you couldn’t help but laugh.
“Hiiiii” she waved at you, you only waved back, then she laid down next to you, her glasses on and in her sweatpants and a black t-shirt. “So you and Tom didn’t work huh?” She whispered and you only shook your head no, a tear fell down your cheek as she coed at you, wiping it away. “He’s stupid, he will come around one day yeah?” You nodded at her, “did you make the cake?” She asked and you nodded again. “Let me show you, come here” hunter said, she looked at you, you looked pretty lifeless at the moment honestly. Hunter and zendaya left and you checked your phone.
Ding
Your eyebrows furrowed at the anonymous message. You opened it and it said-
Hey it’s Tom, I was wondering if you’d like to get lunch yeah?
You texted him back-
As In... Tom holland orrrr...
Tom smiled at his phone
Yes y/n, Tom holland here, take it while you can
Cocky asshat
He laughed at your reply sending winking emojis,
Yeah lunch, I’ll see what I can do
Cya love
Bye luv
As time passed Tom looked at your work, your charity events, your women’s rights, your debates, your everything. He grew more interest then he already did, already wishing to work with you. “Hamburgers? What if she’s vegan, fuck” he only searched up what food you like, “burrito truck?” He could tell you weren’t like the other people with loaded of money, you were more of the cheap rich, not a bad thing but a very good one. “Sparkling water? That doesn’t really go with burritos, she doesn’t like cheese by it’s self or where you can taste it over anything, she sticks to the basics, god I need a pen and paper for this” “I got it, lover boy” Harry says, throwing it at him.
“Hey your the one who’s trying to take her away from me” “no that’s not true, I was trying to help you actually, her favorite color is (y/f/c) she likes nature or a big view of the city, beach sometimes, she actually wants a beach house” he shrugged, Tom smiled and thanked him, writing some things down
-nature, somewhere green for lunch
-quiet too, somewhere not to public
-sparkling water for sure, no burritos though
“Shit I don’t know, chicken or something!” Tom struggled.
-fruits, nuts, macoroons, nuts, wine
He smiled at the ugly written bullet points, “aha” he then took his phone, biting his lips as he tried to find the perfect place.
“He asked me to lunch last night” you smiled, hunter and zendaya looked at each other, mouths agape as they laughed. “Really? Oh my god y/n can I be the god mom?” “Oh I’ll be the god dad all the way!” Hunter added as you laughed and shook your head, you’ve been on a Harry Potter marathon all night, now your on a Star Wars one, so many tears fell of your face, you cried for draco, zendaya cried for George and Fred, hunter cheered on voldermort, which almost got her kicked out, how petty.
“What if it’s only lunch?” You asked, looking at hunter and zendaya. “I mean, yeah it is only lunch” hunter shrugged making zendaya slap her arm. “No it isn’t, you are probably gonna get laid and he’s gonna confess his love to youuu, then you both naked and kissing” “ew don’t make me imagine that” hunter shuddered, sticking out her tongue. “Welp we are staying here when you leave” “how do you know I won’t be back?” “Because I know things”
Tom spent his day visiting places, until he found the perfect one, green and the ocean? Best thing ever. It was pretty too, no plastic, no damage to the ground, the ocean is to be heard, perfect for you and Tom. He texted you to get ready, it was about 6, he bought everything he needed for it, put the ice cream in the cooler with ice in it.
“Alright, this one” hunter held up a dress, a small slit but it was a sweater dress, like for the fall or winter, it’s white with brown buttons that go down to the end of your stomach, the dress stops in the middle of your thighs. “Then wear some comfterble shoes please, we don’t want you to run your toes” zendaya said, pulling out some neon yellow huaraches. “That doesn’t match” hunter said, zendaya put the shoes back and pulled out some dark dark black ones.
You got dressed, comfterble for sure, zendaya flat ironed your hair while hunter did your makeup, “alright” zendaya and hunter admired their art, high giving each other before turning you to the mirror, “don’t worry it’s sweat resistant” hunter said, zendaya laughed as you rolled your eyes shaking your head. Then of course their was a knock on your door. “I’ll get it” zendaya said, you went to your room and grabbed your phone, noticing you have no pockets you held it. “Keep your hands off of my girlfriend, have fun though!” Zendaya said, your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you came out and seen everyone smiling at you
“What happened?” You asked as everyone shook their head. “Nothing!” Hunter said smiling at you, Tom came up and gave you flowers, not roses but daises “you look lovely” he says, giving you a hug, chest to chest, pelvis to pelvis, not in a Percy way of course, just a very friendly and close hug. “Can you put these in a vase for me?” You say, handing the flowers to hunter as she only smiled and made her way to the kitchen. “Have fun, once again, we want her back by 10” “that’s only 4 hours zendaya” “we’ll make your way over there, it’s starting to become late” “alright mother, we’re out” you sarcastically say, leaving Tom laughing as he takes your hand and pulls you to his-
“El Camino!?” You said, practicly smiling a a child when they get ice cream. “Yep, I know how much you like old cars so why not get you one right?” He squeezed your hand. “Oh I could so kiss you right now!” “I wanna save it for later, let’s go” he smiled at you, he pulled you to your seat and opened the door for you, you sat down and he closed it, running to his side and getting in. “Your pretty fast” “shut up” he laughed and started the car, Kendrick Lamar playing in the background as you both rode in the city.
It was silent but comfterble, you slipped your phone in the cup holder, played footsie with yourself, and almost shook when he placed his hand on your thigh, you looked at him and he smiled at you “warm” he only said, paying attention to the road, rocking his hand back and forth.
“I love this, you gave me all the things I love tonight” you smiled. “You now at the birthday party I didn’t show that I liked you” he commented, laying in his stomach ontop of the very large blanket as you sat with your legs closed. “Yeah I don’t think you like me... I know if it’s weird and-“ “what no I like you! I do! I’m just stupid, like zendaya would say, so” you both giggled as he sat up and grabbed a grape vine, it has grapes on it by the way. “Lay down” he smiled, and you followed, laying down. “I’ve seen all the work you’ve done” he smiled, the radio in the band Toto playing, Africa currently playing. He leaned down the grape and feed it to you and you chuckled. “I really like how dedicated you are, how hard working you are, how nice you are, everything about you is beautiful” he complemented, the moon popping out for the ocean, the sounds of water slapping the rocks calming the both of you.
“Well thank you” you say, done with the grapes he fed you, he fed you some more. “I bought ice cream” “what kind?” “Uhmmmm, not vanilla, cookies and cream!” “Doesn’t that have vanilla in it?” You looked at him, he shrugged and put the grapes down and took the ice cream out of the freezer “I didn’t know you were such a 80s fan, what would you bring back?” He asked you. “Probably all the color, the music, I love mullets and shags I just love it all, how everything was in fashion, freedom and dumb teenagers and yelling old people, ya know?” “So your a very detailed person?” “Yeah, I don’t pay attention to the big picture that much if I’m being honest” ‘it never rains in Southern California, by tony’ playing, now the moon full on display, he grabbed two spoons and handed it to you, you both grabbed a scoop. “Let’s try something”
“Like what?” “Cross my arm with yours yeah?” You wrapped your arm around his, your spoon facing you “and 3” he said, taking the ice cream in his mouth as you followed, giggling “I like the flavor” you covered your mouth. “See! I knew what I was talking about, and doing!” He cheered, you both laid side by side and looked at the view, still eating the ice cream of course, until he put his lips on yours. “I really like you y/n, I hope-“ you put your lips on his, holding onto his cheek you smiled into it, he made his hand go down to hold onto your waist, the moon shining on both of you, he flipped both of you over so he was on top, you let out a quiet moan as he kissed your neck and slipped up you dress, taking off your panties, you trailed your hands down to the hem of his shirt and pulled it up, rubbing over his torso, moaning as he found your sweet spot, kissing it and sucking harsh circles on your neck, he sat up and helped you take of his shirt, unbuckling his pants and taking off the belt to where ever.
He unbuttoned your dress, taking out your breasts and sucking on one of them, you whimpered as he twisted the other, your hands making it to his hair and tugging a bit making him hum in satisfaction. He switched nipples and looked up at you, you head was thrown back, breathing heavy and he opened your legs, you bucked your hips up allowed him to pull your dress up and over your head, he ditched his pants, well not really, there still around his ankles and both of your shoes are off, how? I don’t know. He came up and you leaned on your arm while the other was on his cheek, your lips hovering his, he muttered a ‘ready’ you nodded and he bottomed out in you, both moaning at the sensation, he kissed you and rocked his hips, you moaned as his hands found your waist, holding onto his bicep for support. Soft moans shared “y/n, fuck your so tight” he whispered in your neck and you whimpered, clawing his arm as he went harder, still slow though,
“Tommy, I’m gonna-“ you swallowed, bucking your hips up and arching your back, he rubbed your hips and held on tighter to them. He groaned and started going fast, high pitched moans leaving your lips as he stopped going hard, “cum for me” he let one hip go and rubbed your pearl slowly. “God- mm” you bit your lip trapping the moans, your head tilting back as he used it to suck more hickies on you, claiming you as you just took it all in, your head slowly starting coming up, leaving cries as your arm circled his around his arm, your back arching more, connecting chests as you said his name like a prayer while you came “fuck fuck fuck” he moaned, so close, your walls to warm to leave. “You on the pill?” He choked out. You repeated ‘mhm’ and just like that he came inside you, your name left his mouth as he rode out both of your highs, breathing heavy as a new song played ‘ask of you’ by Raphael, you both chuckled as he pressed his forehead on yours.
“Would you be my-“ “I think you know the answer Thomas, this is my 12 dream right here” you giggled. He pulled out and rolled over next to you, taking his arm and wrapping it around your shoulders, pulling you into his chest “your moans are adorable, we have to have sex more often” you only laughed at him, coming up to kiss his neck on his sweet spot, his jawline under his ear, sucking hickies on his neck as he looked at the water that the moon is glistening on. You both cleaned up with his baby wipes and covered yourselves with the extra blanket he had, he poured you both a glass on wine too, just taking each other in and the perfect view.
On the other side zendaya and hunter were high giving each other, FaceTiming Harry and saying “we got em!” He smiled and cheered, lifting his beer with Harrison and taking a sip. They set it all up, how? Who knows.
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janevx · 4 years
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teach me| Yuta Nakamoto
genre: fluff, smut
paring: female!reader x yuta
warnings: bad language, a lot of smut
words: 4700
summary: how it is when innocent girl gonna dating confident guy from hers college?
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To say that the rumors about your relationship were shocking it’s not enough. Who would have thought that the most handsome guy in the whole college would fell for such pure soul like yours? Everyone were really in schock and couldn’t belive that Yuta was dating you. You are the most innocent person in whole college, you prefer stay at home and study or reading books than go to party. You were tottaly opposite of Yuta. He was really sociable and loved night life: parties, alcohol and sex. But don’t get me wrong, not evey girl could sleep with him, he had own rules.
 You met him in library, when he was there for the first time. He was so lost, and you couldn’t do antything than help. You didn’t know him, because you didn’t care about this. You walked towards him and ask him.
- Do you need some help? Looks like you are lost here. - You smiled a little.
 When he turned around and saw your pure face, he tottaly into you. You look so pretty and so shy, what makes his heart melt.
- Uhm, yes. I’m here, because I’m looking for book for history, likes rights and other.
- Oh, I got it. Follow me.
 He did as you said. He was following you and couldn’t focus at anyhting, but at you. Usually he didn’t have casual conversations, people was talking with him just to become his friends, because why not? Rich, handsome, funny and sexy at the same time. Most of girls would kill to spend some time with him, but he noticed that you seems like you don’t know who is he.
- Thank you so much, but can I know your name?
- Y-yes, I’m y/n, and you are..?
- I’m Yuta.
- Ah, nice to meet you Yuta! Good luck with your exams!
 You were about to leave him, but he stopped you.
- Wait. Do you have some time at the weekend?
- I geuss I do, but why?
- Let’s meet together.
 And this was how you two started.
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 Since this meeting you two have started meet regulary. Yuta liked your company, because he can get rid of his stress and he likes you. You were funny,smart, clingy, cute and innocent. You liked him so much too. You didn’t expect to be friends with him, because your friend told you few days later who is he, and you were surprised. But you were wrong. He was talking with you everyday, text with you and meet with you at his free time. Also he gave up at parties. He did it less than before he had met you.
------------------------------------------------------
 Things started get serious when three months past. Yuta started be more flirty to you, and you were very shy and didn’t know what to do. This was your first time, when someone act  flirty towards you. He couldn’t help, but something attracted him to you. 
 You found yourself falling for him. It was weird and new feeling for you. You didn;t know what it was, when you saw him and your heart skipped. You could look at Yuta all day, he was like art to you. You were very shy, so some his actions made you blushed, whats makes Yuta satisfied. Also, for you was weird that man like him would spend time with you. He had a lot of another friends, but he choosed to spend time with you. 
 But you weren’t only one who fell. Also, he did. He felt another when he was with you, he was happier. You made him smile, when you smile. He was happy, when he made you blush. For him your naive personality was kinda funny, but sometimes had problem with this.
- Shit, y/n! Why?!
- I’m sorry Yuta, I’m really sorry! - You were about to crying.
- This don’t help you. You lent 100$ girl who you didn’t know you and she cheated you, damn. Can you, please, stop being this naive? You didn’t fuckin know her, who do things like this?
You couldn’t help but starting crying. It always made you cry, when someone yelled at you. 
- But she needed help, s-so I-i wan-nt to help h-her. I’m really dumb, I’m sorry..
- No, no, please y/n don’t cry. Please. - He hugged you - When I see you crying it’s always break my heart into pieces.
- It’s my r-reaction when someone yell at me, sorry.
- Shh, stop apologising.
-----------------------------------------
 You two started feel really comfotable around. But you still had this feeling, when you see him. It was really new to you and you couldn’t name what it is, but you thought what it could be. 
 One night Yuta took you at the roof with bottle of wine and some Oreo, because you loved them as hell. You didn’t know why you two were there, but you didn’t complaining.
 Both of you were sitting and look at the starts in the sky. You blushed when you had noticed that Yuta was looking at you.
- Y/N, this is really something I want to tell you.
- R-really? - You stutter - I mean..I mean go ahead.
 He chuckled at you.
- We know each other about half a year right? - You nodded - I think it’s good time. I really like you and time with you is always amazing. You made me feel some feeling that I can’t explain. Shit, you know, when I see you my heart skipped a bit and my mood changes into happier. Fuck, I’m so happy when I am around you.
 You frooze. Did he confess to you? He was waiting for your reaction, little scared, that you reject him. You didn’t know what to say. It was first time, when someone tell you something like this. Your heart started beating faster than before, and your cheeks burned.
- I like you too, I mean, ah just you are really good guy..I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say, you know me.
- I know, just tell me if we can have chance.
- A-as a couple?
- Exactly honey.
 You looked at him with slight smile. 
- If you really like me, why n-not?
- Hell yeah!
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 After another three months you could say that was the best decission in your life. He was with you at his or yours home making some food and talk about the stupiest things. You helped him with study, and he help you with cooking. He support you as hard as he can. You relax him, before important exams, beliving in him. Yuta took care of you, what was new for you and at first place a little bit uncomfotable. This all was new. More hugged, kisses, lying down in each other arms. Also, he still made you blush. 
 But one night everything changed.
- y/n, are you virgin?
 Your mouth gone wider. 
- E-excuse me? What did you ask?
- I asked, are you virgin? You never have talked about other men, but I want to be sure.
- I am. - You looked down. You were at college and it was kinda shame that you still haven’t got sex.
- Ey. - He raised your chin - Everything is okay. I’m glad that I have chance to be your first. If you want to, of course.
- I-i do, but you have experience and I don’t an.-
- It doesn’t matter. - He cut you off - Don’t worry about this. I’m gonna teach you everything. Can we try something?
 Your eyes gone wider and you looked at him confused.
- W-what do you mean?
- Touch. I’m not gonna touch you if you don’t want to and you not gonna be naked, only touch or brushes.
- I’m shy, but.. - You looked into his eyes- I can try.
 Yuta smiled to himself and come closer to you. He kissed you. He was kissing you slowly, at the same time gone his hand to your hips. He stroke your hips, and then he moved to your waist. It was first time to someone touch you like this. You had only t-shirt and sweatpants, and t-shirt was thin, so you could feel his touch exactly. He separated from kiss and looks at your face for your reaction, and he knew that you didn;t mind this, but..like this. He was going with kisses to your cheek, and then to your neck. He kissed all your neck and stopped when he found your sweat spot. He sucked your skin what made you moan. It was first time when you moaned and you didn’t know why. This only satisfied Yuta. He goes to you collarbone. He kissed full of area. Then Yuta looked into your eyes for permission or any bad sign.
- Can I take your t-shirt off? I promised you won’t be naked. Being with bra isn’t being naked, isn’t it?
 You nodded, but he didn’t do anything.
- Use your words honey.
- You can t-take this off.
 He smiled and kissed you lightly into lips. He took off your t-shirt and throw away. You feel a little bit ebarressed being in only bra infront of your boyfriend.
- Ey, don’t by shy and ashamed. You have really sexy body, why do you cover this?
- I don’t think so. Yuta, I know you are saying this, because we are couple, but you really don’t have to.
- y/n! Your body is perfect, I’m glad that I’m first person who touch you like this, babe.
- If yes, thank you.
 You smiled a little. Still bit shy, that he could see you like this. His hands gone to your t-shirt ends and slowly take this off. He looked into your eyes, what makes you have chills. His gaze was really, but really intense and his confidence makes you shy. He touched you lightly, when he had rested his hands on your hips. You started relax a little bit.
- Your skin is perfect.
 He brought his face closer to your stomach. He landed kiss on your skin and also look at your reaction. It was all new and.. nice. You have never been treat like this, and now? Now the most handsome guy you have ever seen is kissing your body. 
- I hope you feel good.
- It’s really nice feeling.
 He goes slowly to up. Under your ribs. And between your chest. You started breath faster and your heart was faster. He was above your lips and kiss you.
- I said I’m gonna teach you, so now it’s your turn.
 You blushed you don’t have any idea how to do this.
- But I.-
- I’m gonna lead you, honey.
 You nodded. Firstly you kissed his lips. Slowly but also shortly. He groaned, because Yuta wants more than short passionate kiss. You looked into his eyes, before you kissed his neck. Ligthly. You kissed all his neck to find his sweet spot.
- Here. - He moaned - Here it is, baby.
 You weren’t sure how to suck this and not hurt him, so you look into his eyes for any leads.
- You need to suck a little, like lollipop, but don’t use your teeth too much, because it’s might hurt, y/n. - He smiled.
- Okay, I think I know how.
 He made you hickey, so you need to do the same. You did it. He sighed at this, what you do to him. You look into his eyes for permission to take his t-shirt.
- Go ahead baby, don’t be shy to me.
 Your hands was shaking a little, so Yuta guide you. He grabed your hands and move them to his t-shirt ends and leave you, watching you. You grabbed this ends and start going up with t-shirt just to throw this from him. He smiled when you end.
- Good job baby, but be more confident. I’m not scarry and you shouldn’t be too.
- Remember that you are my first boyfriend. It’s normal I geuss.
- Just relax and do what I did.
 When you saw his abs you couldn’t help but staring. His abs was really good. He really had to work out a lot, because you could see his muscles and perfect body proportions. First time in your life you saw man’s body. Your boyfriends was angel.
- Yuta, you work out a lot? - You giggled.
- Yes. - He laughed - You like your sight?
- Maybe a little.
- My shy babygirl. - He smiled.
You leaned closer to his body and give him first kiss. You did what he did. Goes to up, makin sure that you kiss good his body. You were shy doing it, but the most important thing was this that Yuta was enjoying this. He sighed few times and said: keep going. When you end you land kiss into his lips and he hugged you.
- You learn really fast. It was good baby, I’m proud of you. Only my little babygirl. - He hugged you tighten and kissed your forehead.
So it was first time when you did something sexual.
----------------------
Your relationship was good. You two trusted each other and tell about everything. Also, you feel more comfortable than before. 
 Today you gonna go to party. Taeyong’s party, one of his best friends. You weren’t sure about this. You have never been at the party and also you don’t know anyone here. 
 You asked your b/f/n about help and Yuta what to choose and both choosed you to wear black skirt with brown turtleneck, fishnet and moccasins. You looked really pretty! b/f/n helped you with hairstyle and make up. She didn’t do anything like expressive make up, just lightly and simply. 
 Around 8 p.m you were ready, and Yuta too. He was gonna pick you up and ten minutes later you sited at his car.
- Damn, babygirl you look so beuatiful today, trust me.
- Thank you, but don’t make my blush!
- I love to see you blushing!
- You look handsome too.
- I know it baby. - You smirked - What’s funny?
- Your confidence.
 With this you two were on your way to Taeyongs place. You two didn’t talk a lot in car, just sitting. When you came in your friends house were a lot of people. Most of them you didn’t know. You two walked in and Taeyong smiled.
- Here you are! C’mon, we have a lot things to do.
 Everyone were looking at you with weird gaze. Propably, becasue of your relationship with Yuta. You couldn’t focus, but thinking about other gaze. You didn’t know what to do with yourself, because Yuta left you to do some thing. You decided to sit down and drink some juice. When you were sitting you saw that random boy was looking at you. You turned around, and few seconds later he came to you.
- Hello! I’m Johnny, and you?
- Me? I’m y/n.
- Nice to meet you y/n. - He smiled to you - Why are you sitting here alone?
- I just don’t know what to do with myself.
- Same here. I don’t know. Just, my friends have some stupid ideas, and I’m not into it.
- I understand. My friends have some stupid ideas too and I hate this. - You smilled a little.
- You see? We should be good friends. If you want to, I can be your company.
 You started panic. You didn’t know how to respond.
- In point of fact I have company.
- But I don’t see here anybody with you. Just don’t be like this and spend some time with me.
- Really, I shouldn’t. My boyfriend would be pissed of, if he knew that I left him to spend time with another guy.
- But your boyfriend isn’t here.
- Just let go of me, I’m-m not i-interest.
- C’mon y/n! You need to have some fun and I guaranted it to you, babe.
- Fuck off Johnny. Say one more word and I’m gonna detroy your fuckin face, asshole.
 Johnnys gaze was a little bit scared when he saw Yuta. 
- Is Yuta your boyfriend? - You nodded. - I’m sorry Yuta, I’m gonna fuck off.
 You were looking at Yuta with shock.Sometimes you really were thinking about how you two get well along. Yuta was looking pissed of.
- Are you jelous?
- You know that I am, so why are you askin?
 Your face droped. You didn’t like when he was mean to you. He couldn’t control himself sometimes.
- A-ah okay, I’m sorry.
- No, no! I’m sorry y/n. I am pissed of because of this jerk. This boy fucked everything what is moving.
- No problem.
- I have something to you.
- What?
- Can we go to geust room?
- Y-you want to do something bad here? 
- This won’t be bad, you would love this!
- But Yuta.. Here? What if someone..I don’t know
- Please baby girl, come with me.
 You sighed and nodded. He grabed your hand and both of you came to geust room. You sat at bed and were looking at your boyfriend.
- Lay down. - You did it. - Now, you need to relax and calm down, honey.
 You tried and you did it. You calm down yourself.
- What are you gonna do?
 He didn’t answer. He took off your skirt and fishnet all the time looking into your eyes. You were shy as always. He was confident when you were scared of every move, but at the same time you want it. He was looking at you.
- I’m going to took of your panties, are you agree? We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.
- I-im agree.- With shaking voice you said it.
 He was kissing your thighs from up and down. You felt amazing. This was something what makes you sensetive. You felt really good. When you closed your eyes he stopped.
- Baby girl, look at me and every move I make, okay?
- Okay.
 You opened your eyes and looked at Yuta, when he suddenly took your panties off. You felt shy when he was looking at your heat, so you closed your legs, but this meet with Yuta sigh.
- No honey. Open your legs for me.
 Something about his tone made you do it. You did it, and Yuta was still staring.
- You are really beautiful, I think I love you more everyday.
 With this his head was closer to your womanhood. You looked at him, when he lick your heat. You felt chills. This was so good for you. And again. He was doing it slowly, watching your reaction at his actions. You were mess. You didn’t know what was happening with you and your body. Few licks after he licked your clit what made you moan. He smirked to himself. When he was sucking your clit, he found his way to your hand just to hold your hands to make you more comfortable. 
- How it is?
- I-it’s so good. I feel something in..there.
 He nodded and start again sucking you clit.
- Yuta!
 You didn’t know what happend when something hit you. You couldn’t control your body. When this end you saw Yuta smiling.
- It was orgasm. I just made you mess and moan my name.
- Thank you, it was good. Really good. 
- I hope so. Now let’s go.
- Wait. - You were embarrassed when you were about to ask. - I want to do the same for you.
- Honey, if you don’t want to I’m not going to force you to anything.
- But I really want to. I don’t want you to make me feel good, when you not receving anything. But I don’t know how to do it. - You said when you looked at the ground.
- Don’t worry. I’m gonna lead you.
 You nodded and waiting for Yuta command.
- Unblock my belt honey.
  You did it. With a little bit shaking hands, you did it.
- Relax baby girl. Now took of a little my pants.
 You nodded and with this, with Yutas help you took them off. You saw bulge in his boxers. 
- Honey, this is how you make me feel.
- I didn’t know, I-i.
- You turn me on a lot. You can took them off too.
 You were amazed by sight infront of you. You did it with a little bit of hesitate.
- Touch me y/n.
 His tone was really needy. You were afraid, but you do it. You loved him and you wanted make him as good as he do it to you. You touch your tip what makes Yuta sighed.
- Use your hand moving up and down.
- Okay, let me know if I do it do hard.
- Don’t think about it, baby girl.
 It was first time when you touched dick. You were afraid to hurt him, but you were doing it well. Sighs and moans escape Yutas mouth.
- Can I take you to my mouth?
- Are you sure y/n? Remember..
- I remember. C-can I?
 He nodded with smile. You licked his tip with your tongue. He moaned when you did this. You lick his full lenght when he was guiding you about how to do it.
- When you take me to mouth, don’t use a lot your teeth, it’s hurts a lot.
 You nodded and with this you started sucked them off. You weren’t sure if you do it good or not. If you make him being in pain or pleasure him. But when you heard Yuta moaning louder and more you think that you make him feel good.
- Like this baby girl. Shit, you are so good at this. I’m close.
 You do it all the time and when he was about to cum he pulled your head.
- You don’t need to taste my white. I know it can be discusting for you. Thank you baby for bring me to heaven.
- I thank you too.
- It’s really cute when you are like this. Shy. You know that I love you?
- I-i know. I love you too, Yuta. 
 He helped you dress up and both of you were again in down of the house.
-----------------------------
 It was a year. Year with Yuta isn’t it impossible? Both of you loves each other really. Today is your aniverssary. A lot thing happend between you two. You traveled to Japan to Yutas parents. You were at plener cinema. You two had a big fight. You two cried at each other shoulder after talk about this. You did some sexual thing but never have a real sex.
 Today you two were at beach. Yuta took you there to spend some time together at this precious day. You were more confident than year ago. Yuta teached you a lot things. He made you have second side - sexual side, that only Yuta know. 
 Both of you were lying down and looking at the star at the sky. This night was beautiful. All day was beautiful. You were at some comptetiions because of music festival. You were swimming and eating some good ice creams. When he was hugging you.. You made decission.
- Yuta?
- Hmm?
- I think that we really love each other. I think you made me feel all the was I have never felt before. You made my second side and make me comfortable. I know that you are patient, but you really want to have real sex with me, and I think today is pefect day. If you don’t mind of course. - You said it really fast, but Yuta could understand this exactly.
- God, I’m so glad! I was waiting for this for a really long time. I’m so glad that I can be your first. I love you from here to the moon.
 With this you started kissing. This kisses were needy for more. Were furious about all the time. 
 Both of you were naked and both of you made sure to be really turn you on.
- You are so wet and only for me, god are you dripping?
- Don’t make me blush!
- I can’t when I see you really wet for me, you make me feel so hard and make me make you blush.
 With this he lift himself up.
- It’s gonna hard a little
 With this he entered you. He wasn’t moving, because he wanted you to accustom to his size and new feeling. At first it was hurt. But whem he started slowly moving with some time pain mixed up with pleasure. You didn’t notice when you were moaning like crazy. You couldn’t control how he can make you feel. Both of you let go and just moaned. 
 Some time passed and you felt his thumb circled your clit. You were about to cum.
- Y-yuta I think I’m gonna-
- Me too, do it baby girl, cum for me.
 With this both of you cum. It was really good and you enjoyed this.
- Thank you for this year, you are amazing at everything. I love you Yuta.
- I’m thankful for you. This year was the best one. I love you too y/n. Always.
78 notes · View notes
fanxyblog · 4 years
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I'M STUPID ~ SIK-K
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Request: How about some Angst with a fluffy ending hmm maybe with sik-k or loopy if you write for them?
Request are open :)
A/N: I decided to write this one about Sik-k and I'm going to write something for Loopy later on, so wait for it.
Thank you for requesting @derya-t ! Hope you gonna like it. (I'm posting it so freaking late cause it's almost 4PM in my country, also I'm sorry you had to wait for it for so long)
Warnings: None
Word Count: 987
ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE I'M SORRY FOR THE MISTAKES
It wasn't supposed to be that way. It wasn't, but it was. You were walking trough Mapo, tears running down your cheeks while silent sobs where leaving your mouth.
Today was supposed to be a day when
you and H1gher Music guys were eating lunch togheter, but unfortunately it didn't go that was.
You were supposed to meet for a quick meal with them at Potala Restaurant and you actually did.
You arrived to the Potala with a smile on your face, happy about the fact
that you were meeting all of them since you haven't had seen each other for some time because of their busy schedule.
But the smile that was spread on your lips dissapeared as soon as you heard a talk between them
"How is it going between you and Y/N?" a voice which you reconized to belong to Woodie said.
" It's going good, but she is hella annoying lately " it was the moment tears started running out of your eyes. How could he said that, especially to his friends. Where you that annoying? What have you done for him to think of you like that ?
Walking on the sidewalk you didn't care about cars that were driving next to you or about people that were looking your way. You knew that your make up was probably tottaly smudged and you had mascara all over your face, but you didn't care.
You felt like shit and you were hundred precent sure that anyone who would hear words like that about themselves would feel the same way.
Your phone buzzed in your purse, but you did not pay attention to it. All you wanted was to be back at home.
You didn't reckon how long it took you to got home or how you were able to get on the right bus considering the fact you were crying this whole time.
Even now when you were sitting on your couch in your old sweatpants and a sweater that was to big for you, you were still crying. Over what? Over that one dumb dude that you had 40 missed calls from.
You didn't want to hear from him. You didn't want to see him. You didn't want to have to do anything with him for some time.
That is how the day have passed by. Minsik was constantly trying to reach you, your phone was ringing and buzzing all the time, that's why you decided to turn it off.
You didn't want to focus on that, you were still sad and no matter how much you were trying to understand this whole situation, you just couldn't.
You knew that sometimes you were clingy and maybe sometimes you cared to much, but was that do wrong of you ? Did it really make you an annoying person ? Why did you need to ask yourself these questions?
Your peacful time was disturbed by a doorbell ring.
Opening your front door took you less than a minute and as soon as you did open them you regretet it right away.
"Oh my god!!! Baby you're okay " before you could say or do anything you were clasped in a tight hug from Minsik.
" I was so worried, you didn't came to meet us for lunch and then you weren't picking up your phone, I thought that something bad have had happened to you" he pulled away from you and held your face in his hands.
But you didn't anything to him you took his hands away from you. His face immediately changed.
"W-what is it, What's wrong" he was so cofused you could see that, but you wanted him to feel that way, you wanted him to feel a little bit like you.
" Well I tought since I'm annoying, you shouldn't be touching me" his face fell immediately and realisation hited him really hard.
"Y/N listen" he tried to reach you but you stepped away from him.
"Listen? For what? For you to humiliate me even more " you didn't even try to hide the fact you were hurt.
Minsik felt terrible and it only got worst when he saw tears on your face. He didn't know why he had called you annoying in front of his friends when he did not find you that, but him thinking about it wouldn't change anything because it already happend.
"I'm sorry, I'm just sorry" he looked like a puppy that got screamed at.
"You're sorry? I'm sorry too for being so annoying. Now leave. " You snorted and tried to close your door in front his face, but his left was faster than you.
"I'm not leaving, not until I make things right" he stated
You didn't have strenght to fight with him, you sat down on the floor and cried even louder than before.
That's when you felt arms wrapping around you and scouping you up a little bit until you were sat on Minsik's lap.
"I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry. You did not deserve to be treated that way. You are amazing and I don't know why have I said that it was different. I'm stupid" his hands was carresing your back in a calming manner all the time trough his dialogue.
"You're an asshole. Do you know that?" You sniffled and looked at him. He wiped your face with his sleves.
"I know, but I'm and asshole that loves you and is sorry about today. Please let me make it up to you."
"Okay, but this is first and the last chance" you hugged him
"Thank you" his hug on you got tighter.
He was sorry and he was ready to do everything for you to forgive him completly.
133 notes · View notes
futurewriter2000 · 6 years
Text
Combatants ~ Part 6
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A/N: Merry and happy Christmas to everyone who celebrates it! I don’t because I’m Muslim but I hope you had a wonderful Cristmas spent with your family and friends. Here is part 6, sad and dramatic, but okay. Oh and sorry for not posting today, just have been out all day. ^^Ben Barnes up there …mhmm^^
Warning: Angst….basicly A LOT OF ANGST.
Tags: @nadinissavage, @lexi-thechaosqueen, @grey-raven, @alohomagines, @bestillmystuckyheart, @maddyfitzhenry, @astrophileslytherin, @literally-anythin, @fashionlive15, @hello-fanfiction-goodbye-grades, @robyn-0790, @beyoursnow, @oreofrappiewithblueberry, @deanilostmyshoe
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 7 Part 8
xx
Sirius was thinking the words he spoke to Marlene. Why did he say that? Why couldn’t he just admit he really had feelings for you? It’s like every single word he said, stung him a bit. He talked awful of you and that bothered him. He felt angry.
But his angry thoughts somehow drifted to you. Merlin he loved your feisty and funny personality. How he loved seeing that smile whenever he says something funny or how you glow when you talk about something you love. And those gorgeous eyes of yours that kept melting his heart or your joyous laughter that he couldn’t get enough of. He loved it.
But why was he feeling like a complete dick right now? He couldn’t stand up for you to himself. Himself! But luckly for him you didn’t hear him. 
Except you did.
His eyes haven’t left the Ravenclaw table since the moment he entered the Great Hall. The table was full but you were nowhere to be seen. He would know, he scanned it seven times.
Bruto slowly approached him slapped him on the back of his head. He leaned forward and pushed his head down against the table. “ You stay away from her, man whore.” snarled Bruto and walked away. 
His friends all looked at Sirius, including the girls. He looked over to Bruto, who seemed to walk further away from him. Feeling his rage emerge, Sirius stood up and stormed after him. “What’s your problem Ramirez!” 
Bruto slowly turned around and all of a sudden, tall, strong and angry Ravenclaw boys appeared behind him. Bruto gave them a nodd and slowly walked closer to Sirius. He was taller and buffier than him, definetly scarier at the moment. He looked down on him and sent him a warning glare. “ Don’t do this here, Black. Not in front of everybody.” he spoke through his gritted teeth. 
“Fine, but I’m after you Ramirez.” hissed Sirius and walked back over to his friends.
“Hey I’m going to find Peter. “ said Remus, and winked at James. 
When he left James and Sirius were the only one left in the room. Sirius hasn’t spoken a word since dinner and that was unusual for him. He was Sirius for god’s sake and James knew. He knew something bothered his best friend. It wasn’t just the Bruto thing, though it does seem to be the main problem here. There was something else. Something he didn’t know. Something Sirius didn’t tell him.
Sirius laid on his bed in shorts and ripped T-shirt, or as he calls it - his PJs. He had his head on his arms and he kept staring at the ceiling. 
Bruto wouldn’t do that out of nowhere. He didn’t even hang out with (y/n) since the second year. They always argue or bicker like an old married couple. You told him how you used to be close and how you drifted apart. So why on heavens earth did he become so overprotective of you. And that wasn’t the only thing going through his head. He felt ashemed by the words he has said to Marlene. The words that were not true. The words that came out unintended. The words he regrets, just like he did the last time.
James threw himself next to him and mimicked his position. Just like Sirius he started to stare at the ceiling. “Is it (y/n)?” he asked and got a light nod from Sirius. “You want to talk about it?” 
Sirius chuckled. That’s the line the two of you usualy use when something is wrong. “ I messed up Prongs.”he sighed.
“Why would you think that?” asked James, removing his eyes from the ceiling to Sirius.
“I said words to Marlene about (y/n). I said what I usually say when she accuses me of liking a girl. But this time it felt different. It didn’t feel like usual, the words I said made me feel weird. It didn’t feel right. It felt wrong.” he sighed and closed his eyes. “I think I’m having feelings for her.” 
James chuckled and turned his gaze back at the ceiling. “ You think you’re in love with her? Why?” he smiled mischiviously as he remembered his dad telling him the exact same thing about Lilly. 
“Her eyes. How they glow when she sees something tottaly normal, but finds it really interesting. She finds the most normal things interesting, did you know that? She says ‘Everything has its own story. A chair, a table, a rose, not just a person.’ “ he smiled and finally opened his eyes. “ I’m in love with her (y/h/c) hair. They are always shiny. Even on the bad days or if they are put in a messy bun or ponytail, they still look fantastic. And her humor. Yeah. I love her humor and her weird jokes. Always finds anything to joke around with. Or her smile. I love seeing her smile. It’s the most beautiful smile I have ever seen in my life.” he babbled with a big smile spread across his face.
“Then why don’t you tell her that?”
“Because she doesn’t deserve a person like me. She deserves somebody who is not afraid to tell his friends about that he likes her. What if I screw up and lose her forever. I would rather be her friend than lose her.” said Sirius and looked at James.
What was James supposed to say to that? He knew Sirius was never up for long term relationships but he can’t just let you go. He can’t just love you from afar like he did with Lily. But he couldn’t say to go after you. Maybe it was because you don’t deserve Sirius either. Not in James perspective to say at least. I mean all you would do is drag him to the dark side. You kept dragging him into the dark places. When you left he was “sick” for two weeks and wasn’t the same Sirius until you came back. And now he was worriying about Ramirez and what he said about you. You were like a magnet for trouble and James didn’t like it. Yes he was a magnet for trouble too , but you were a different kind of magnet. The bad kind. He would love to see Sirius happy, but he’d also rather see him far away from the dark. He needs to protect him, because that’s what brothers do.
“Maybe it’s for the best.”
—-
James was up all night. He couldn’t stop thinking about you and Sirius. He couldn’t. He was awake all night, questioning himself if he did the right thing. But if he told Sirius to leave you alone, he needs to do the same with you. So he got up early and walked over to breakfast. He walked over to the Ravenclaw table to see you sitting next to Bruto and talking. 
As  you saw him coming you quickly pulled down your sleeves and hid them under the table. You didn’t want him to see it. 
“Look. I am going to say this once (y/l/n). You are bad for Sirius and I dont want you playing with his head. Since the day you entered his life you entered mine too and I hate seeing my best friend, hell my brother, worrying about you and thinking how much too good you are for him. So I want you to stay away. “ he growled making Bruto stand up.
“James. You don’t have to worry about it. Me and Sirius are done. “ you said grabbing your books and walking away.
“Wait what?” he asked shockingly. That was way too easy. Especially for you. Something didn’t feel right. He walked after you and just before he was about to say something he saw your hands. Black and blue, one of them even fully bandaged. 
He grabbed your arm and turned you around. He carefully slid his hand down to yours and pulled up your sleeves. “What’s this?” he asked before he noticed your tired eyes. “Something’s wrong.” 
You pulled your hand away from his and turned around. “Like you care.” you spit out and continue to walk forwards.
“No. The last time I saw those eyes was when Remus told me-” he stopped himself before he almost blurted out Remus’ secret.
“Why do you care all of a sudden?! You didn’t like me from day one, so why all of a sudden all the interest? I told you I will leave Sirius alone. I don’t want to see his shitty face anyways.” you retorded and speeded up.
Something didn’t feel right. He saw your hands, he saw your eyes an he knew that emotion. Grief. He knew that emotion far too well to not recognize it. Yes he hated you for punching him in the nose last year but he didn’t want to see you suffer either. He ran after you and without thinking, he grabbed your arm and turned you around.
“Potter I told-” 
Before you could finish that sentance his arms were tightly wrapped around you and pulling you closer. You were shocked at first but you wrapped your arms around his body and hugged him back. It felt good. It felt better. 
“I’m sorry.” he spoke quetly in your ear before you let out a sob and started crying.
“They are gone.” you cried, gripping his robes tighter and burrying your head in his chest.
After the long and emotional hug, the two of you sat down and talked. You told him everything about your parents and Zoey but you left the part about Jack out. You didn’t want to burdain him with that secret. Not when Bruto’s life is on the line for it. It wasn’t also that part you left out.  You left out the part about Sirius too. It wasn’t because you didn’t want to tell him, but if you did, he would probably confront Sirius about it. You didn’t want to come between them. If not that, you were pretty much in the same situation like him. Zoey was your brother and you wouldn’t want to hear that kind of stuff about him. 
And his perspective changed. He didn’t see you as a downfall anymore. He saw you as a girl with an extremly bad luck. He knew you didn’t tell him everything but you told him enough and he wasn’t about to push further in. 
So when he entered the dorm and saw Sirius excited as ever, he knew this can’t be good. He was on his bed jumping up and down with a piece of paper in his hand. When he noticed James walking in ,a big smile formed on his lips. 
“I was wrong Prongs!” he beamed. “I am going to tell her how I feel! I am going to tell her everything!” 
“What? Why?” 
“Because she’s the one! She’s the one I want to spend my whole life with! I don’t want other girls. I want her. I need her. I need her smile, her laugh, I need the whole package of her. Because I can’t live without her. “ 
“Pads-”
“I even wrote some stuff what I would tell her. But I think it’s a waste of time. I think if I want to make it sound true, it has to come from the heart.” he smiled and crumbled the piece of paper.
“Padfo-”
“I don’t care what people think anymore. I miss her. I miss her so damn much.” he chirped and finally put on his shoes. “ Hell with Ramirez and his threats! I’m going to tell her right now!” he finished and tapped James on the shoulder.
Sirius was gone and James was left alone. “ Oh shit.” 
“I’m in love with her and I don’t care what you think!” -”Oh Moony, Wormy, Evans and Marls. Shit Marls you were right, I do like her and Peter ows you 5 galleons.” shouted Sirius in the Common room.
—–
“Ice cream?”
“No.”
“Fine than those cupcakes you love so much. You still love them right?” asked Bruto, trying to cheer you up.
“Yes I still like them. Can you stop now? I’m fine. I mean I’m not fine but I’ll get through this.” you smiled and continued to walk down the corridor.
“I’m getting ourselves ice cream.” smiled Bruto and ran off.
“Just don’t pick lemon flavor! I hate it!” you yelled behind him and chuckled.
“No lemon! Got it!” he yelled back, lifting his fists in the air.
“Dork.” you chuckled and turned to walk towards the Ravenclaw tower. 
‘Bruto Ramirez. Back at it again.’ You simpered at the thought of him, your first kiss. He was always such a gentleman when it came to the ladies. Both of you were always there for eachother no matter how much you hated eachother at the time. It was a relationship you couldn’t explain. A love-hate relationship perhaps.
As you continued to walk down the corridor, you heard a familliar voice. “Did Ravenclaws just had Divination?”
“No,  they just had History of magic with us down the corridor.” said the other voice.
“Okay, thanks.” replied Sirius and turned around the corner only to see you staring at him.
It hurt.
It hurt seeing him, standing there with that big bright smile of his. It hurt loving that smile, but knowing what kind of person lies underneath it. And you hated that person right now. You turned around and started walking away from him.
He was shocked. You were literally walking away from him, even though you saw him. He started running after you but you quickened your pace.
‘No. Please don’t Sirius.’ you begged but  felt his hand on your shoulder as he caught up.
“Hello love. You okay?” he smiled and brushed his hands on your shoulders.
You stepped away from him and walked pass. “Fine.” you spit out coldly.
“You’re not fine. You know how I know that.” he beamed, walking behind you. “Becasue I know you.” he added before stopping you again. “You want to talk about it?” he tried to be cheerful.
You pushed him away, feeling strong pain in your hands in the process, and looked at him angrly. “No! I don’t want to talk about it! What I want is for you to leave me alone!” you bursted and felt your your eyes tear up.
“What?” he preplexed and glanced at your hands. That’s when he saw it. The bandaged hand and your other hand covered with black and blue marks and red wounds around your knuckles. “Who did this to you?”
“You really want to know?”
“Of course I-”
“You did this!” you interrupted him. “You are the reason my hand is covered with this annoying bandage!”
“What?”
“Just piss off!” you retorded and walked away.
“No!” he yelled and grabbed your hand again. “You can’t just blame for something and not explain why I am the reason for it! I am sick of us fighting all the time! I love you (y/n) and I’m done hiding it. “ 
“Oh my god.” you scoffed and crossed your arms. “You have some nerve! You little piece of shit!” 
“WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS YELLING AT ME!! I just told you I love you and -”
“BECAUSE I HEARD YOU!” you yelled, shutting him up.  “I heard you.” you repeated glumly. 
Merlin he begged you didn’t hear what he thought you heard. He couldn’t afford that. Not now. Not when he finally realized how much he loved you.
“I heard you and I’m setting you free Sirius. This broken little puppy doesn’t need you anymore. So please stop playing with my heart already. It’s torture. ” you sighed with a big lump in your throat. Avoiding his gaze, you pressed the books aginst your chest and walked away from him.
It hurt.
It hurt him you saying that. It hurt knowing that those were his words you spoke. And it hurt knowing he was the one behind the pain he caused you. He couldn’t believe it. It had to be some kind of nightmare. He hoped it was a dream and that he would wake up from it and find you smiling at him, sitting at the Ravenclaw table and laughing with your friends. 
But it wasn’t. It wasn’t a dream.
“No.” he mumbled quetly. “No!” he shouted and stormed after you. “ You don’t get to walk away from me!” he yelled at you and stepped in front of you.
“Sirius, please don’t.” you said and tried to avoid his heartbroken gaze.
“No.” he repeated, feeling tears roll down his cheeks. “You don’t have the right to just walk in my life and make me fall in love with you.” he cried, his low and husky voice turning into a raspy cry. “You just can’t.”
“Goodbye Sirius.” you mumbled, wiping the tears and walking away from him.
“I can’t lose you (y/n)! Please! “ 
But he already lost you. You couldn’t trust him anymore. The man you knew was simply gone the moment he spoke those words. Merlin you loved him. You loved him so much, but the trust just wasn’t there.
‘Words. So powerful. They can crush a heart, or heal it. They can shame a soul, or liberate it. They can shatter dreams, or energize them. They can obstruct connection, or invite it. They can create defenses, or melt them. Use them wisely.’ ~ J. Brown
Wow…how about I just leave it here huh? Dramatic and sad am I right ;)
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do1care · 6 years
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9:37 pm thoughts, ending friendships.
Va escrito en ingles porque iba primero para reddit, ojala y alguien me lea aca algun dia:(
FYI, this is a long post about my struggles and thoughts on my problems, if you don't want to deal with them feel free to move to the next post:), it's ok.
I know that everything has to end, that's the most natural part of life, as far as I can see it, everything has to come to an end. Doesn't matter if it's your favorite coffee cup, or your longest relationship ever, that's just how life is, and there's nothing wrong with it, but the fact of accepting it can cause some real shitty problems. Or at least to me.
I lost my best friend on January, and no, by lost I don't mean he died, thankfully, 'cause he's and extraordinary human, he is such a grateful and open minded young man willing to help you no matter what; that being said, the reason why you can say we "broke up" (we weren't dating, just that i didn't find any other word that could sume up that were not bffs anymore, haha), it's pretty fucking stupid, haha.
I'll give you a few seconds so that you try to guess, haha.....1.....2......3....OK, times up. Don't know if you saw this coming, but it was because of a girl (told you, pretty fucking stupid reason).
Let me set the scenario up for you.
He and I have been friends since we were 10 and 11 (I'm younger), we are now 16 and 17. We had been together in a lot of struggles each; helping the other in whatever it was possible to, he changed school when he was 13 because his mother had a problem with our principal, anyway. It may appear that since then we started talking less with each other, but no, its the total opossite (crazy, right?). Since he got out of my school we started talking more and more, and I remember on the 2015 new years eve, I was all alone in my room hearing all the fireworks welcoming the new year 2016, and at 2:30 am or so i called him and we started talking till 6:00 am or so, we never ran out of talk, it was always so funny, haha.
Ok, now to how we stop talking.
On January 2017, he had been dating a few girls on and off. But nothing too serious, but like on the 25th he started telling me about this girl that a friend introduce to him, and that she was sooo hot, but all she wanted from her was to hook up (nothing weird about that, he always wanted that, and i think thats ok, if the girl wants that too). And he sent me this girl facebook profile, so i started checking her out, and she was a girl from another school, which, another girl friend of mine was in like 2 years ago.
(ok, now this is getting confusing, from now on we are gonna call them like this: my ex best boy friend: ed. My girl friend: luna, the girl that caused the problem: pico)
And luna had told me that the girl that pico was a kinddd of a slut (i know that that can be offensive, but bare with me here, those were her words, not mine). And I was like, oh, cool, either way ed just wants to hook up with her, so they can both be happy. But one day ed told me that he was trying to get into a serious relationship with pico, at this point I had told ed everyting that luna had told me about pico, but he didn't seem to care at all. By this point, as any teenager-best-male-friend would do, i was very concerned, cause he had gotten broken up a lot in the past, by girls that didn't deserve him. By shitty girls. And i didn't want him to get his heart broken again, and at least this time I had something in my power to stop that. Or at least that's what I thought.
Remember that Luna and Pico were very good friends in the past, at this point they talk to each other, but not as much. And also, at this point Luna and I are veeeery good friends, in fact, she is one of my 2 best girl friends (thankfully, she still is, she's awesome, haha)
So I send Luna the screenshot of the time when Ed was telling me that all he wanted Pico for was to get laid, and Luna ask me if I was sure I wanted this to get to Pico, I said yes. But told her that she said to Pico not to show them to Ed. (I think you can guess where this is heading).
Long story short, Ed realized what I did, and basically sent me to eat shit, I couldn't understand how he rather lose his best friend and having a girl to fuck and not viceversa (and oh, btw, i now it was a total dick move from me to send the screenshots of our chat to Luna. But I dind't want this girl to hurt him). By this point, it was maybe like februart 4th or something like that. We stoped talking, but I remember that this was killing me, cause I was ised to tell him everything that happened in my mind, every single deep or stupid thought I had, no matter how vain or important it was, and he knew that i'll always be there for him, so I tried to apologize, and I freacking got fully emotional with him, i remember being at bed like at 1 am texting him whyle crying, he was so fucking important to me, little did I know i meant so little to him by this point.
The important part of this is that I wrote him that i loved him. Of course i loved him, he was my fucking best friend, how am I not supposed to love him? (Again, little did I know this was gonna fuck my life in a while)
Amyway, he basically told me that he had forgiven me, just that I wasn't his best friend anymore, that, that fucking killed me, it was like a stab in the chest, I felt it deep into myself, losing a friendship with someone you value so much, that you had plans for the future with, so many memories together. Just gone. Fucking went off. It was my fault. I destroyed, it was me the one who blame. Fast forward two monts of feeling depressed and shitty af, my sister went to the beach with a friend, a girl friend, but my dad is a freacking maniac so he decided to go to their beach house without tellimg anyone just to check if she wasn't lying (spoiler. Of course she wasnt, my sister is the best). Anyway, so he told me to write to her friend cause I also get along with her (or at leaste i used to, another friendahip gone, yey) to send me their location, so my dad took my phone and started texting her like if it was me, cause of course, it was from my number, why would she think it wasnt me?
(And by this point i think i should tell you two important things:
1. My father is an asshole and a real noisy bitch.
2. He is super homophobyc, this is kinda caused because his brother is gay, and they were born in a very mysoginistic environment.)
Anyway, so my dad started scrolling around my chats, and I at this point I didn't remember my chat with Ed, until I saw it on my phone screen, when I saw it, my heart went from being calm to almost getting a heart attack. I was fucking nervous, cause I knew how his reaction was going to be, and i didnt want him to see what I wrote with him, cause it was personal shit, things that no one but you and the other person are supposed to see (now that I analyze this, I think it is kind of karma because i did the same to Ed), I was terryfied, sweating. Almost crying, and when he was about to enter my chat with Ed, i tried to take my phone away from his hand, by this point he knew i was hiding something. I fucked it up, there was nothing else that I could do, but to be waiting for him to react. There were 5 minutes of pure silence in the car, i tried as hard as I could not to cry (my very first reaction in strong emotional moments, is crying, no matter if it's a super sad moment or in the middle of the biggest argument of my life, i just can't control it).
Then he says -So you love him?
I got freezed, i really don't remember any much of it cause I was so afraid of it, I just remember telling him that yeah, i loved him cause he was my best friend. Anyway, he took my phone away from me and talked with my mom about it. My mom is genuinely the best, she's very supportive and lovely. She just tells me that no matter what I feel I can always tell her and that she'll love me no matter what, but to stop saying to some random dude that he was everything to me and that i felt fucking misserablr without him (i kinda told that to Ed when I tried to apologize). Since than, my dad has been a little lore of a douche bag with me, and he doesn't know I have my phone, cause he gave it to my mom, but she gave it to me, haha, she's the best (forgot to mention, i only live with my mom, but they get along pretty well).
Now Ed and I talk maybe once in a while, and I have accepted the fact that he's not my bf and i'm not his, and that's ok. Cause everything has to end, nothing last forever.
------
I tottaly forgot what the purpose of writing this story was, I just hope that maybe someone might read it and I don't know, tell me anything, i literally just was fucking sad and upset with lifeand general and decided to start writing this. But ended up spending an hour and a little bit more writing it, haha.
Remember that this is my first post to reddit. So feel free to comment or idk what the interactions in here are called, but yeah, i think i might post this to my tumblr later, haven't ever post there either, haha.
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