#I thought I was having an ocd episode | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

oysters-aint-for-me · 1 year

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a month ago today, december 19, my dad got a positive covid test.

he got paxlovid and got better within three days.

then he had a paxlovid rebound.

then i got covid.

then i got better about a week and a half later. (i got pretty sick but i did not get paxlovid because i’m too young and not at risk for severe illness)

then my mom got covid.

she got paxlovid then she got better about five days later. she hasn’t had a rebound yet but she’s still in the masking phase so we’ll see.

that bring us to today, january 19, when my 95-year-old grandmother got a positive covid test.

all of us are 4x vaxxed/boosted. i tried to follow the rules. it’s just so hard to do that perfectly. and also hard when your family thinks you’re overreacting when you remind them to follow the rules. i’m so fucking tired of this. i’m tired of being a frustration to others when i want to follow the rules. i’m tired of always fighting with myself about whether or not i should insist on following rules because for so much of my life, the end result has proven my anxiety wrong, and nothing bad happens when i don’t follow the rules. i’m tired of not allowing myself to trust my instincts because i’ve been raised to believe that my anxiety disorder makes all my instincts suspect. and—if you’ll allow me to go wide with it—i’m tired of everyone saying that “no one predicted covid would get this bad!”, “no one thought that covid would shut down the world for any longer than two weeks maximum!”, “no one could have foreseen that the pandemic would fundamentally alter the basic infrastructure of almost every aspect of society for more than three years!”, “no one could have possibly known that donald trump would win the 2016 US presidential election!” because i absolutely predicted all of those things, knew them deep in my soul, but statistics and professionals were not generally on my side and so i was labeled a worrier, and although i feel vindicated it’s hard to live in a world in which it’s clear that your worst nightmares CAN come true, partly because most people don’t even have those nightmares and thus aren’t even worried. oh god. ok. this is quickly turning into an irrational magical thinking/OCD spiral so i’m going to stop but oh my god. oh my god i’m tired of covid.

#i don’t have ocd to be clear at least not diagnosed #but i definitely have episodes especially relating to Thought Crimes #and Hopes and Expectations etc

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aropride · 10 months

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hey. was anyone going to tell me that psychotic depression. aka major depressive disorder with psychotic features. was a thing. or was I gonna find that out from looking up delusions to be more educated.

(and the academic article I found on it was exclusively in German so I can't read it. and that the English abstract included said that the three delusional foci associated with it are the things I have the most severe anxiety about while not being that anxious about much else.)

oh my god yeah no thats definitely a thing and i feel like no one talks abt it except for ppl whove experienced it or other psychotic people 😭 bipolar as well can include psychosis, theres theories that ocd with low/no insight can lead to it, also trauma, childbirth, a bunch of other stuff that like. nobody ever talks abt!! i mean people barely talk abt schizophrenia let alone other schizospec disorders either but like. tbh im guessing a lot if not most people with psychosis arent ever diagnosed or recognized as having it or even realize that they have it bc nobody really knows what to look for outside of the stereotypical outward signs yknow. like if someones not percieved as a danger to others ppl dont pick up on it or they do but they just think someones weird or creepy or whatever yknow. i am screaming and crying and clawing at the walls i wish there was more knowledge abt this stuff cuz its so important and pretty much the only people i see talking abt it are ppl whove experienced it ;-;

#ask #enby-ralsei #like a couple years ago i went thru trauma and then spent a month like. Ok everyone in thr world can read my mind + also im being stalked #also [person] is the bug on my windowsill + im in a secret human experiment in the wilderness + im going to fall into a time loop etc #and i was llike. juuust aware enough to be like hm. i wonder if this is not normal . & got really into reading articles n stuff abt #connections btwn trauma + psychotic episodes and ocd + delusions etc #but i would never have thought to do that if i wasnt already a bit autistic about psychology #and i wouldnt have been able to understand most of the articles abt it either #like the ocd delusion thing i read a couple articles abt and its like. not a Recognized thing as far as i can tell but people have been lik #hey we should look into this at some point. ANYWAY. yeah

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wainwrightjakobshammerlock · 1 year

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hammerlock helping wainwright put his tie on. thats it thats the post

#i dont have the energy to draw rn because ocd episode #but i can still post my thoughts #my post #borderlands #wainlock #text post

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hecksupremechips · 4 months

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Shinjiro Aragaki 🤝 Rebecca Gales

Mom friends who constantly try telling others how they should live their lives and believe they know what’s best for everyone else who would explode and die if anyone did the same to them

#the klock keeps ticking #theres always a damn pattern with my faves somewhere AAGHHHH #theyre just like me and i hate it #that was another thing i really liked about the shinji social episodes in reload was that bit where hes telling minato to always keep his #promises and minato is like ‘but you arent keeping your own promises???’ its like lol get his ass #and yeah just rebecca and shinji are characters who i firmly believe to have ocd and its my hill to die on #like with rebecca shes just very obsessive over her relationships like particularly with ashton she clings to a version of him she built in #her head and she gets very angry and depressed when he doesnt fit that mold and she just tries to organize her life around her obsession #and shinji i love to imagine castor being like a metaphor for intrusive thoughts like shinji is terrified of losing control #and terrified that he is dangerous and that hes capable of seriously hurting the people he loves #so much so that he isolates himself from everyone as a way of protecting them and he takes suppression drugs to kill the intrusive thoughts #but much like what happens when you try to repress intrusive thoughts this doesnt go well and it harms him even further #but he believes its the right thing to do because at least he wont be dangerous anymore and its what he deserves #and you know isolation and desperately trying to drown away your intrusive thoughts only leads to worse obsession #im so normal about him and his relationship with his persona #this man has so much ocd my god and so does rebecca and im not TRYING TO PROJECT OKAY IT JUST KEEPS HAPPENING #theyre my faves for a reason 😩#anyways i think these two would be iconic besties and also possibly horrible together cuz theyd both be trying to tell the other how to fix #themselves and neither of them would listen but i mean theyd bond over cooking rebecca could infodump and shinji would listen #rebecca would see how shinji lives and shed be like ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT and insist on getting him in a safe environment #which who knows whod win shinji is awfully stubborn but rebecca is very scary and will whack a bitch with a book #shinji would see her thing with ashton and be like giving her some wise but harsh reality check which is really funny to imagine #like rebecca just gets this life lesson from some emo 18 year old shed be like ‘what do you know’ and then cry in the bathroom #i think theyd have such a big soft spot for each other though and they would be very powerful together and kick many asses

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area51-escapee · 5 months

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Do you ever hear something that sounds so similar to your experience that you’re like “hold on now-“ but you already have so many other things to deal with you simply can’t be bothered with it right now

#on my monthly round of wondering if I have OCD #I didn’t know that was what the podcast episode was about when I played it #but her experience with intrusive thoughts and guilt over things she had absolutely no control over sounded too familiar #the only thing is that I don’t. have compulsions. which means whatever my issue is probably isn’t OCD #at least I don’t think I do. I feel like I would know if I did #it’s probably intrusive thoughts related to other conditions #and even if it’s not #I’m trying so hard to manage my physical symptoms right now #I can’t be bothered with what my brain is doing #that’s a problem for later

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justyokorebirth5 · 5 months

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#i still havent finished higashi no eden coz st the time when i was watching it i was insanely ocd and i cpuldnt get throught episodes #if i thought there was some inconsictency or characters acted illogical #i want to finish it some day coz deh vibes modern anime dont have #Spotify

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yikessoph · 6 months

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bro i feel so alone rn. like deeply lonely. i don’t know what i’m doing i’m so lost

#i am trying to fight these intrusive thoughts but they’re winning #i have never had a worse ocd/anxiety episode than the one i’ve been going through #i get better than i almost immediately get worse again i just want it to stop

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moonstruckme · 7 months

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And then I have one but idk which marauder to make it for so I’ll let you pick whoever you think it fits better. I have to take medicine for my OCD and anxiety but it’s embarrassing. So I’m like imagining who you pick staying the night with the reader and her skipping her medicine because she’s embarrassed but being off medicine messes you up. So clearly the reader would be alittle down and out of it so her friend asks her if she’s okay and if she took her medicine. Welllllll the marauder hears that and later that night when they are getting ready for bed he simply hands her a glass and asks her to take her medicine please and mentions how he wants all of her that includes the quirks, need for medicine, and need for comfort sometimes too.

I decided to make this part of the Sirius x Remus' roommate saga, hope that's alright! Thanks for requesting sweetheart <3

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5

cw: some symptoms of withdrawal, reader takes prescription meds

modern au

Sirius Black x fem!reader ♡ 1.5k words

Apparently, even when Sirius gets you out of your flat for the weekend, Remus is still always in the middle of things.

“I can’t believe you got him to watch New Girl,” Remus complains over speakerphone as you make yourself a cup of tea. Sirius had offered to do it for you, but you’d brushed him off, and he’d been too busy secretly delighting in how comfortable you are in his flat to argue further. “James and I have been trying to get him to watch the first episode for years.”

“Mmm, you’ve got to start on season three to get people interested, then go back,” you tell him wisely. “I showed him my favorite episode, the one with…uh…”

You trail off, and Sirius looks at you over the top of the couch. There’s a dissatisfied pinch between your brows.

“The one with the spider?” Remus prompts knowingly.

“Right.” You blink a couple of times, refocusing on your mug as you pour hot water in over the teabag. “That one.”

“Well, the apartment is quiet without you, but I’m glad you’re having fun.”

Sirius’ mouth curls as he waits for your response. Though he sometimes still gets jealous of the easy intimacy between you as roommates, he’s come to enjoy the entertainment value of your banter with Remus. The apartment’s just as quiet with me, you’ll say, or You don’t even want to know what kind of fun we’re having.

But your gaze has gone distant, and after a few seconds, the reply doesn’t seem like it’s going to come.

Sirius feels worry snake around his ribcage, a light but noticeable pressure. A few hours ago, you’d complained of a headache, and ever since then you’ve seemed in an odd headspace. You’re quieter than you’ve ever been around him, you claimed not to feel like lunch, and he’s caught you stumbling or losing track of your thoughts on more than a couple occaisions. He’d asked once if you’d wanted to go home, but you’d promised you were fine and Sirius didn’t want to push the issue. He loves having you here, he really does, but he hopes it’s nothing about being in his home that’s making you seem so…off. He’d compromised by suggesting you show him that show you’re always referencing (Remus and James were right, it actually is pretty good) in the hopes that a few hours of relaxation would help restore you to yourself, but you don’t seem to be feeling better.

Even over the phone, Remus picks up on it too. “You alright?”

“Mm?” You blink. “Oh, yeah.” There’s a forced cheer to your voice, and Sirius watches as you roll your shoulders as if bracing yourself. “I’m just a little tired, I guess.”

Remus hums, the sound crackling through the speaker. “Did you take your medicine last night?”

You take him off speaker. Sirius turns when your eyes dart towards where he’s sitting on the couch, taking the coward’s way out on instinct and pretending he wasn’t paying attention.

“I’m fine,” you say quietly into the phone. Sirius can’t hear Remus well enough anymore to make out his response, but he recognizes the slow, coaxing inflection of his friend’s voice. Your own tone sharpens in contrast, though you sound heartbreakingly exhausted. “I’ve got it. Yep, thanks. See you tomorrow.”

You blow on your tea as you join Sirius on the couch, not a trace of apprehension about you. He extends his arm invitingly, and you slot underneath it like it’s home.

“I gather you two aren’t used to time apart,” he teases, trying to entice a smile from you.

It works, albeit only slightly. The curve of your lips is minute, but he’ll take it. “We’re both homebodies,” you say simply. “We’ve grown too used to being around each other.”

“His privilege and your curse,” Sirius laments, exaggerating his grunt when you elbow him in the ribs. “Fine, you’re both very lucky. I’m just glad I managed to snag you for one weekend.” When he aims a saccharine smile your way, he suspects you set your cheek on his shoulder as a ploy to hide your blush. It melts him regardless, like ice cream in the summertime. “Want to watch another episode, lovely girl?”

He frowns when all that gets out of you is a hum, rubbing your bicep as he presses play.

He manages to get some dinner into you by insisting you try takeaway from his favorite Thai place in the neighborhood, and you seem amenable to the idea of an early night, all but drooping over the sink as you brush your teeth.

Sirius will never admit it, but his heart is pounding as he takes a glass down from above the kitchen sink, filling it with water. He hopes this isn’t a massive overreach. This thing between you is still relatively new, and the last thing he wants is to make your first stay at his place awkward for either of you, but he cares about you. From what Sirius can tell, you’ve withdrawn into what seems like an unhappy place inside your head, and he can’t just leave you there by yourself.

He catches you just as you’re leaving the bathroom, passing you the glass of water as casually as he can, as if it's the most routine thing in the world, before taking your place at the sink. “Don’t forget your medicine,” he says softly, taking his toothbrush from beside yours in the cup.

For a moment, you’re quiet. Sirius squirts toothpaste onto his brush, trying his damndest not to look for your reaction in the mirror.

“You heard Remus on the phone.” It’s almost a whisper. Nowhere close to a question.

“I didn’t mean to,” Sirius apologizes, glancing up at your reflection. You’re looking distant again, your gaze fixed somewhere to the left of his face. “I’m sorry if I heard something you didn’t want me to, but it’s…did you forget?”

You take another long moment to reply. Sirius is careful to stay quiet, giving you space as you chew your lip, but when your eyes meet his in the mirror you look so crestfallen his heart nearly stops. “I didn’t forget,” you admit. “It’s just so embarrassing, I didn’t want you to know.”

He can’t stay still anymore. His toothpaste drops with a wet smack into the bowl of the sink when he sets his toothbrush on the rim, and he’s got your hands in his in a second. “Sweetheart, what do you mean?” He keeps ahold of one of your hands, letting his other one coast up your arm to your shoulder, where his thumb massages your collarbone familiarly. “It’s not embarrassing. It’s just, it’s something you need to be yourself. Like…my sparkly doc martens, you know? Or Remus’ chocolate hoards.”

Your laugh is brief, more a huffed exhale than anything, but Sirius grins at you nonetheless. His hand moves up to cup the back of your neck, thumb soothing over the edge of your jaw.

“You know what I really like about you?” he asks. You don’t look inclined to answer, but your left brow flicks up as if to say Go on. “Everything.”

You scoff, seeming lighter even as you pull away from grasp. “Shut up.”

“No, really,” he insists, vying for your hand back. “Getting to know you, it’s been amazing. Every new thing I learn is just something more to like.” You finally stop fighting him, eyes wary as he grips you by the shoulders, keeping you in place. “I want to learn everything there is to know about you, whenever you’ll let me. And I know I can’t expect it all at once,” he says, voice dropping into a more sincere register, “but I want all of it, including the parts you think—wrongly, I might add—are embarrassing.” He gives your upper arms a light squeeze. “Got that, pretty girl?”

A light blush colors your cheeks, and Sirius grins. You’re getting harder to fluster these days, but he delights in making it happen whenever he can. “Okay,” you say, still a tad sheepish for his liking. He plants a kiss on your cheek.

“Good. Now go get your meds. I don’t want you passing out during breakfast tomorrow because of withdrawal.”

“That’s not how it works,” you snipe, but he hears the rattle of pills as you dig through your overnight bag.

“Whatever,” he says breezily, picking up his toothbrush to put a new dollop of paste onto it. “I just can’t reckon with the idea that Remus still knows things about you I don’t. Shouldn’t I outrank him by now?”

“You’ve had roommates,” you tell him, coming back into the bathroom with the glass of water half empty. “You’re really going to tell me that they don’t know more about you than I do right now?”

Sirius makes a noncommittal, muffled sound, pointing to his toothpaste-filled mouth as excuse not to answer.

“Right,” you say drily. “Maybe we should call your pal Remus and see if he happens to recall.”

Sirius has never spit so fast in his life.

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the-maddened-hatter · 7 months

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Honestly Monk was SUCH a good show for me to see as a young teen I'm ngl. Like yeah, it's not an overly accurate representation of OCD and I'm sure there's things that probably didn't age very well, but OH MY GOD can you even comprehend how amazing it was to get to see a canonically disabled, ND, and, more specifically, PROFOUNDLY ANXIOUS badass main character when you're a freshly diagnosed autistic & anxious young 12-13 year old with the only real advice from a crappy psychiatrist being to "learn to step out of your comfort zone or consider beginning prescription medications."

To get to see "do it scared" depicted in cinematic action in both heroic and relatively mundane contexts. A touch-averse, routine adhering, socially awkward, sensory issue having character as a SMART AND COURAGEOUS PROTAGONIST!

Hell, it was pretty amazing (for me at least) to see a character use those disinfectant handwipes every episode! I have severe food allergies and I have to carry a pack or canister with me for when I need to eat in town or when I've had to go into a grocery store and now that there's a pandemic and food allergies are rather more of an understood issue it's not all that weird a thing to have, but at the time it was definitely yet another step apart from peers and by god was it awesome to see a (again, smart and awesome) character use them too, even if it wasn't for quite the same reasons.

There's things that took longer to germinate too (and tbh still are).

That you don't owe people being "normal and easy". Yes, you have to be cognizant of their needs, boundaries, and how your behavior affects them, but it's still okay to need help and to do things in odd ways and have unusual needs.

That sometimes you're going to fail, do things badly, not be able to be as reasonable as you logically know you should. That logic can't always beat fear even when it should, and that it doesn't make YOU a failure, it means you have to try again another time or try differently.

And that sometimes people aren't as good for you as they seem, no matter how much history you have, and it hurts, it truly does, but sometimes it leads you to connect, by pure chance, with a compassionate stranger, and time will make the disparities between them clearer to the point that when you look back you don't know how you ever thought they were your ally just because they put up with your problems

#monk #adrian monk #monk tv #tony shalhoub #nerodivergent #autism #anxiety disorder

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welcometomyoasis · 2 months

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Seventeen with an s/o who experiences hyperfixation

Synopsis: How seventeen would help their s/o through hyperfixation/ hyperfocus episodes. Svt x gn! reader | fluff, comfort, established relationship | 1.6k words | warnings: hyperfixation, hyperfocus, stress, mental health issues, neglecting self-care, food | requested by @4momorin Disclaimer and a/n: I do personally experience hyperfixation episodes so I am aware of how this feels like. Hyperfixation/ hyperfocus can be caused by several factors and are usually symptoms of ADHD, or mental health issues such as anxiety, OCD, depression etc. It’s not inherently good or bad either as it can manifest itself in many different forms. You can read more here. I hope I did this trope justice? I wasn’t quite sure how to write it without making it too angsty so i just split it into 2 broad groups…

☾𖤓 He’s your anchor. He holds you down firmly when you feel like you’re adrift at sea.

Seungcheol, Junhui, Hoshi, Dokyeom, Mingyu, Dino

➵ Honestly, he wouldn’t really realise you’re beginning to spiral into one of your hyperfixation/ hyperfocus episodes. It's not because he’s not observant or in tune with your emotions. Rather, the objects of your fixation are so so varied. Plus, not all your episodes are negative. There was the time you ate a particular food for weeks until you got sick of it because you found it so tasty, or the time you binge watched a 16 episode show in 24 hours because you fell in love with the plot. Ah, and don’t even remind him of the time where you fell in love with a certain character. You were drooling all over the character, buying their merch, changing your lock screen. Like, he’s right there? You can kiss him and hug him, he’s a physical being. Please give him attention and not that fictional character. Yea, he was all sulky and whiny for the entire time you were obsessed.

➵ You’re just such an easily excitable, adorable person with a big heart. It’s only natural for you to be obsessed over different things at different times. At some point, he’ll realise that you are in the middle of your episodes. But as long as it’s not an episode stemming from stress and you’re continuing to take care of yourself, he really isn’t going to intervene. Your fixations will pass eventually, and you’re happy, healthy, eating and sleeping well (even if you stay up longer because your mind is swimming with thoughts about the object of your fixation). That’s all he could ask for. In fact, he will even encourage you more or indulge you in your fixations. You want the same food for 7 days straight? He’s ordering it on his phone for you. You want to watch the same show again although he’s already sick of it? Sure, whatever you say baby. You want merch of that character? Uhm, he’s kind of crying inside but sure… he’s pulling out his card just for you. If keeping you happy through your fixations will keep you happy, he’s willing to do whatever it takes.

➵ He will only intervene to attempt to pull you out of your hyperfixation episode when he thinks your wellbeing is at risk. Your mental and physical well being is his number 1 priority. And admittedly, there are many times where your hyperfixation episodes manifest themselves negatively. You could be hyper focused on work that it’s causing you so much stress. You’re not eating, sleeping. You barely have time to relax. Or, your episode could stem from anxiety, depression, etc. You could be pouring all your time and energy into something as insignificant as a cup that was placed in the wrong cupboard because that’s just how your mind has decided to cope with all the complex feelings you were dealing with. It’s a transference of your jumbled emotions to something else. The worst part? As insignificant as your fixation might be, in your mind, it can feel like you’re on a sailboat adrift at sea. It’s captured your attention so deeply that your mind is in overdrive, the currents in your mind constantly pushing you forward. You end up floating further and further away into the middle of nowhere, where there’s nothing to be seen for miles except the object of your fixation. It’s as if you’re staring into the horizon with no land in sight.

➵ So, he intervenes. He’s your anchor. He’s going to ground you, and help you stop your mind from drifting too far away. He’s going to be firm, but gentle. He will tell you outright that your hyperfixation episode, it’s hurting you. He doesn’t care that you might get angry at him for prying, or if you get defensive and deny anything is going on. He rather you express those emotions at him rather than for you to bottle them up inside. You need help. That’s what he’s here for. Please understand this isn't a confrontation, it’s an intervention. He’ll stand firm (even if it means pestering you) until you cave in and let him help you. Cry to him, rant to him, use him as a bolster, whatever makes you feel better. He will pamper you so so much and treat you like royalty. He needs to make you feel loved, like you’re heard, like your feelings are valid. His presence and his care for you will help you feel a little better, even if you’re not completely pulled out of your hyperfixation episode yet. It grounds you by helping you ease that helpless, airy feeling that you’ve been dealing with. It’s certainly going to take time to completely get over your hyperfixation episode, and it won’t be easy, but please know that he’s here for you, and you can overcome whatever it is you’re going through together.

☾𖤓 He’s your gentle ocean wave. He lightly nudges you along when you feel stuck and feel like you’re about to sink.

Jeonghan, Joshua, Wonwoo, Woozi, Minghao, Seungkwan, Vernon

➵ As you begin fixating on something, there are both subtle and obvious signs your boyfriend picks up on. You’re more distracted, your eyes glaze over occasionally as if your mind is far away. You’re becoming more quiet. You’re lost in your thoughts because your mind is whirring with information, or because you’re desperate to get more information when you’re in that “i must research everything phase.” Of course, there are more obvious signs. You could be researching something specific for hours and hours on end, or you could be showing him the specific object of your fixation on your phone regularly. You could also be mentioning something more frequently. There was once you mentioned the same food stall 4 times in a row in the span of a 5 minute conversation, and this continued for a few days. And then there was the time you went on and on about your horrible progress in your school project for days until you finally submitted it.

➵ Usually, your boyfriend knows you’re having a hyperfixation/ hyperfocus episode before you do. It’s an unconscious thing your mind does, and sometimes you don’t even realise your hyper fixating on something until days or even weeks later. But he knows, and you can be sure he will keep a close eye on you from that point forward. He’s more than happy to stand to the side and let you ramble or babble on about your new favourite show, food, object. He thinks it’s cute how your eyes sparkle and come to life when you find something interesting, and he loves it when you come talk to him about it. It makes him feel so special and loved because he’s one of the most important people in your life, a person you’d so willingly share your joy and interests with. Actually, what makes him the happiest (even if he doesn’t say it), is when you begin to hyperfixate on something positive related to him. There were times when you would go down a rabbit hole of sorting through your old photos and memories with him, and times when you would hyperfixate on him (or have you always been hyper fixated on him?). As irrational as hyperfixations can be, to him, he thinks it’s rational, and endearing that you go through phases where you would just be extra clingy and affectionate to him. It makes him fall in love with you all over again when he sees just how much love you have for him.

➵ He will take a more delicate approach to your hyperfixation episodes compared to the previous group. He takes note of all the signs you exhibit when you begin to spiral. He will also assess what you’re going through at the time and your behaviour. There are times when you suddenly get into a new show when you have a whole bunch of work to do or when you’re horribly stressed. Other times, you have this overly hyper, happy smile plastered on your face when you continuously bring something up, and he can tell it is a happy facade you put up as an attempt to hide the emptiness in your eyes. It’s your mind’s way of protecting you and dealing with your emotions. You’re avoiding the root cause of your problems and jumbled emotions by fixating on something that makes you feel like you’re not you. Shows, food, characters, a new game, these things help you feel other emotions and it makes you feel other emotions besides anxiety, stress, depression. Then there are also times when you’re so stressed and burnt out dealing with work where you’re just sitting at your desk staring at your screen blankly while your mind goes into overdrive trying to force something out.

➵ As soon as he realises you’re spiraling for negative reasons, he’ll try to do all he can from becoming sucked into the deep abyss of your mind. For you, it feels as if you’re approaching a whirlpool, you are stuck and all you can do is let the current pull you in. You don’t have the physical and emotional strength to swim away and fight it. So he acts as a gentle ocean wave, he wants to change the direction of the current. He’s going to be that outside force you need to help you steer away from the whirlpool. The moment you exhibit the signs of a spiral due to your deteriorating mental health, he’s sitting you down and taking you into your arms gently. He understands your hyperfixation episodes are intense, and sometimes, even with him there, there’s no real way of breaking you out of it immediately. But, that’s no reason not to try to help you avoid it. He will ask you if you want to talk about it. If you do, he’ll be listening so attentively and empathetically while holding you like you’re a delicate raft about to break against the rough seas. If you don’t, he’ll take you out and pamper you. You could go for a walk to clear your mind, or go on a date. Whatever it is, he’s going to be doing everything he can to keep your mind occupied with other things and off your complicated emotions. With his help, you’ll get through this quickly and safely. And you’ll bounce back stronger than ever.

taglist: @weird-bookworm @wonijinjin @babyleostuff @wishing-fieshes @kwanienies @mayashu @megseungmin @porridgesblog @haecien @mirxzii @scoupsofcherries @eightlightstar @brownsugarbaybee @zaggprincess2 @nonononranghaee @hrts4hanniehae @treehouse-mouse @vcutparis @heavenfilm

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revui · 6 months

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I'm still mad about the bastardization of psychological terms, and I saw a post earlier that inspired me to expand upon it. Here's a quick guide on what certain psychological terms do and do not mean, from someone with an education in psychology, not that you need one to know and understand this. I am open to additions and corrections.

Important note for if this post gets noticed: I am making blanket statements. I do not care if your abuser was "actually a diagnosed narcissist." That is irrelevant and meaningless to the purpose of this post, which is to help prevent the spread of misunderstandings, negative stigma, and the watering-down of important terms.

Psychotic refers to a person who has delusions or hallucinations, or otherwise is in a state of mind where they cannot determine reality. Psychotic does NOT mean: dangerous, emotionless, unkind, nonsensical. Someone who is mean or callous is not psychotic. A person you find strange is not psychotic.

Delusions are beliefs that either have no evidence of being true or actively contradict reality. A delusion can be believing you are under constant surveillance, that you have died, that you never existed at all, that you are a powerful or religious figure, etc. Delusional does not mean: wrong, strange, unintelligent. Someone who likes something you think is bad is not delusional. A person who holds a belief you don't understand is not delusional.

Unprofessional Aside: Stop saying "delulu." It's embarrassing.

Schizophrenia is a mental disorder generally characterized by repeated episodes of psychosis. Schizophrenia is more complicated than I can responsibly describe in the space of this post. People are schizophrenic. Objects and concepts cannot be schizophrenic. Disorganized, chaotic, and hard to understand are not the same as schizophrenic. People with schizophrenia are not: dangerous, inhuman, completely incoherent, unable to function*.

Narcissism is a personality disorder generally characterized by an exaggerated sense of uniqueness and a need for external validation or admiration. Narcissists may have little or no empathy. There is no such thing as narcissistic abuse. Abuse performed by a diagnosed narcissist is still normal abuse**. Someone who is mean, selfish, or unaware is not a narcissist. Someone who wants attention is not a narcissist. Someone who takes pride in their achievements or appearance is not a narcissist.

Empathy is the ability to feel other people's emotions. Empathy is not the same thing as kindness, nor is it a prerequisite for kindness. People with diminished empathy are not: callous, emotionless, selfish. Diminished empathy is not a flaw. It does not make someone incapable of understanding people or forming relationships.

ASPD is a personality disorder generally characterized by diminished empathy and disregard for others. People with ASPD may display reckless behavior or aggression. This does not mean they are: dangerous, irredeemable, uniquely awful, deserving death.

Psychopathy and sociopathy are contested terms. They are sometimes used to mean ASPD, but they are not diagnoses. Definitions vary wildly. Sometimes they are used as synonyms of each other, sometimes they are distinguished. I do not know if there is a consensus on what these words mean and would appreciate further input.

Intrusive thoughts are unpleasant, uncontrollable thoughts that can revolve around violence, murder, self-harm, suicide, sex, bigotry, and any other subjects the thinker finds taboo or unwelcome. An intrusive thought is something you don't WANT to do or don't WANT to think about. Getting angry and wanting to express your anger by punching the wall is not an intrusive thought. Wanting to dye your hair a weird color is not an intrusive thought. The key factor of an intrusive thought is that one has no desire to think or act upon it. An intrusive thought can sometimes develop into an obsession.

OCD or obsessive-compulsive disorder is characterized by obsessions (persistent, unpleasant thoughts, such as getting sick, loved ones dying, making sexual advances on someone, etc.) and compulsions (routines usually meant to cope with or "prevent" the subject of the obsession, such as skin-picking, repeating actions, hand washing, etc.). People with OCD may be aware of the irrationality but awareness does not automatically lead to prevention; telling someone with OCD that they are irrational is not helpful. A desire for completeness, satisfaction, organization, or cleanliness is not the same thing as OCD.

If you are not an educated psychologist or psychiatrist acting in a clinical setting from an objective perspective, you cannot diagnose anyone. If you have any interest at all in helping mentally ill people, you will learn what words mean and use them correctly. I'm tired and angry so if I've made mistakes I am BEGGING people to let me know.

*As I said at the beginning, these are all blanket statements. This statement is referencing the idea of the "padded cell," or that all schizophrenics are fundamentally incapable of having a place in society and must be locked away. There do exist schizophrenics who need high levels of support, and that is not what I was referring to. They and all other people who depend on external support for any reason are not lazy or worthless.

**People argue that symptoms of NPD influence the way in which an abuser hurts people. That does not mean narcissistic abuse exists. The disorder doesn't matter; the person would still be abusive without it.

#levi rambles #actually psychotic #psychosis #schizophrenia #npd #aspd #ocd #long post

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