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humanemotionssuck · 3 years

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Hello 2021

January 2, 2021

I should’ve put these thoughts into words on the first day of the year but then again, I felt so lazy given this bed weather we are currently having. By far, I think I experienced the coldest temperature here in my hometown (21 degrees baby) and I’m sure not liking it as I prefer warm days.

I actually do not know how to start. I feel it’s necessary to check on how I am doing lately. Write the things I experienced last year and reflect on the lessons it taught me.

I could probably kick things off by remembering how 2020 started for me. I have a bad memory but I’ll try my best to recall them.

January

Broke up with J (yes this is probably one of the major and heartbreaking events happened to me). To sum it up, I realized that the relationship does not have growth anymore, and I am slowly drifting to follow my own path, which is to focus on the plans I want. I haven’t thought deeply the lessons I learned in my past relationship yet but one thing is for sure, I changed and I want to explore more of what I can do or what I’m missing out in life. Which brings me to attend seminars on how to work/study abroad. I attended a couple (e.g Fortrust Makati) and I also realized how costly it will be and I’m probably not yet ready esp. on the financial aspect.

February – March

Highlight on these months was I got back to dating apps again. I know it was a complete dick move. I haven’t moved on yet and here I am in the pool again. I met 2 guys from this app, Coffee Meets Bagel (which btw I uninstalled few months after). The first guy was the introvert but funny type and also VERY sexual. I got along with it, tried to do the deed but failed cause the guy hasn’t moved on from the ex yet. (Sucks right). And so I met this second guy and he is decent but we really had completely different personality. I believe this guy is also rich (he came from a Chinese family and I went to his house and saw the maid and his stuff). Can you also believe he already introduced me to his mom (no dad cause broken family), uncle and grandma. Pressured si ate gurl syempre cause it was really too early to do that step since we’re just dating but March was the most difficult month because…

START OF LOCKDOWN. PH was in state of panic after the government announced a nationwide lockdown due to increased COVID-19 transmission. I immediately went on a bus to the province fearing to get stuck in Manila.

April

Nah this was just a typical month. Summer vibes all over but since we cannot go to the beach we just setup an inflatable pool in the house to get soaked. I finally posted a pic wearing a swimsuit again. My stagnant IG feed came to life lmao

May

Oh boy. This month sucks so much. I got typhoid fever. Which I thought was COVID already cause my fever just won’t stop. My mom didn’t want me to get admitted in the hospital in the fear of being infected so I was hooked in the IV here in the house. I felt I was dying. I was in huge pain both physically and mentally. Which forced me to end any communication means with the second guy. He was not there when I was sick. I didn’t feel his concern even if we’re miles apart and I felt I was begging for his attention. It just won’t work. He blocked me in his socials (which is a first for me, usually I am the one who blocks lol) but given the current state I have now, I learned to accept it and chose to move forward.

June

Explored options on work/study program abroad. We got a new car (Xpander) which my father was able to purchase after borrowing money from us. That money could’ve been used for my Japan trip on December (plot twist it was cancelled due to fucking corona) but it’s okay I guess I’ll save another again.

I also got my student permit (yes I learned how to drive months after hehe)

July

THIS WAS MY BIGGEST DOWNFALL FOR THIS YEAR. There were some modifications in the quarantine and so my employer required and FORCED us to report on site in Makati despite of high number of positive cases. All I can say is SCREW THEM and I hope karma will do its thing on their business. The management.. the bosses.. they are all inconsiderate fucks for not allowing me to work at home instead. The situation forced me to resign but they chose to terminate me instead. The unemployment took its toll on my mental health, it caused me great depression and anxiety which forced me to look for distractions.. anything that will ease my mind.

Oh and btw, I bought my first laptop from hard earned money. Oh boy, it was satisfying to give myself the things my parents couldn’t afford that time I was still in school. It’s a gaming laptop and the one I’m using to type now. I absolutely love it and I used it to find online jobs later on..

I read Looking for Alaska by John Green again after watching the TV series on Hulu. Geez, this has to be my favorite book so far. The seeking of great perhaps.. which was very timely on my mood while having nothing else to do.

Lastly, TAYLOR SWIFT RELEASED A NEW ALBUM CALLED FOLKLORE. In the middle pandemic? Awesome right and this album kept me sane during this crazy and miserable month. Oh and on December, she released folklore’s sister album.. Evermore. Miss Swift saved me again with her music. This will definitely be one of the albums I will play when I’m old and gray knitting sweaters and wearing cardigan.

August

I started and finished my driving lesson in manual. JFC, I realized driving gives me a huge anxiety. One thing is for sure, I will prefer to drive automatic. Not driving that shit again.

I was still hooked with Looking for Alaska. Also purchased Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck on the time I bought LFA.

On the other hand, I was also actively looking for new jobs this time.

September

ON SEPT. 30 I GOT HIRED! I was super happy to start on a new job. It gave me hope once again to continue on this journey called life. After almost 3 months, we are def back to business!

I also got the chance to get this Thyroid issue checked. Unfortunately, there was no major stuff going on with my thyroid. Basically, I’m perfectly healthy. What sucks is that the doctor invalidated my previous condition and said I only have ~anxiety which is the cause of my symptoms (excessive sweating and palpitations). I will seek professional help on this anxiety stuff anytime in the future.

Lastly, I played Grand Chase again and met someone in the game. Well technically we haven’t met yet but since then, I got used to talking with this guy and he is part of my daily routine now. I won’t spoil much details but as soon as this is all over, I can’t wait to meet this person :)

*cue Grand Chase soundtrack*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoK0bAjsHoo

October

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEE! It was a typical birthday. I don’t have much realizations. If I had one, I need to think thoroughly again lol.

Busy with training on the new job and this has been the most challenging training I ever had since I started working.

NOVEMBER

WORK WORK WORK. Super stressed and my anxiety was on the roof. I thought of giving up already but then again it was too early to quit. I haven’t seen my full potential on this job yet and so I chose to keep on fighting.

I also finally got braces. Let’s get these smiles fixed.

December

WORK WORK WORK AGAIN. My work caused me a huge anxiety cause I was given high priority cases -.-But overall, I can say the holidays went great. I finally got to spend time with the family outside. Don’t worry cause we still practiced precautions and I guess it wouldn’t hurt to go out once in a while to have some fresh air. We went to the beach and pretty much that’s the highlight of this month.

Things are getting serious with this guy I’m talking about.. Seriously, he makes me happy every single day.

I also won in Christmas raffle. Oppo phone. (I have the odds in my favor when it comes to raffles lol)

Feels weird to celebrate this holiday too thinking a lot of hardships were experienced in the last few months of quarantine. I was thinking about all the lives lost by covid and hoping they are in the peaceful place now..

JANUARY (NOW)

After everything that happened, oddly the start of the year gives me a sense of hope. Sure I am still carrying the trauma 2020 gave me but I am slowly leaving all of them behind. I want a fresh start and I want to let go of the things that gave me pain. I don’t have solid resolutions just like in my teenage years. Guess I’m too old for that. Not saying it’s okay to not have plans for the future and just go with the flow but I promise to not be too hard on myself and to not pressure myself on the goals I haven’t achieved yet. It’s really a struggle to plan things ahead given the situation but as always, I will do my best. I will stop comparing my progress to somebody else’s cause everyone has their own timeline.

I will listen to my heart and my mind to determine the things I really want. I promise to reevaluate the decisions I am making each day. I will not be afraid of making mistakes because that’s how I learn.

I am embracing my anxiety of uncertainty. It’s okay to feel afraid because I am always trying on how to overcome my fear. I strive each day because I am more than just a ball of anxiety. The palpitations.. the sweating.. they don’t define me. I have the power to control them and they won’t stop me from being the better version of myself.

#quaranthings #just quarantine thoughts #2020 #bye2020 #new year

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nikatyler · 4 years

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End of the Year 2019

How is it the end of the year already?! It feels like yesterday when I took the pictures from the first row. Looking back at 2019, it was a weird year for me. I’ve had some of the best of times and some of the worst of times. My self-esteem was at its highest and at its lowest too. And when I think of all that has happened, this year feels both too short and too long at the same time. I’ve achieved and ruined so much.

You guys have seen a lot here, and as always, we are going to look back at it. You can check the posts for 2016 here, 2017 here and 2018 here and here. I will be doing a separate post for my favourite non-story pictures later, because there’s been a lot of them too. WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE. I mean, bold of you to assume I’ll stop.

January: We started off by finishing the rose generation, which was one wild ride that I enjoyed a lot. Not pictured: the very unexpected birth of Lucian and Ross’s transformation into a vampire. I thought that’s where the story would end. I thought I’d move to the next generation and he’d be just a side character that shows up sometimes because well, he has to. Family and all that. As we all know, he’s still stealing the spotlight and not always in a...good way. But we’ll get there.

February: Gen 6. I still think Kayla is my cutest irrelevant spare. Well, a spare’s kid. The first fire accident. This one ended well, Adam saved himself. And that last picture...I don’t know, I just love when ghosts show up on the lot at night, okay. And ghost!Tyler is a whole mood.

March: Regaaaaan ♥ Quads’ storylines. The second fire accident. This one didn’t end well, but I was weak and quit without saving. I mean, I was also in the middle of a storyline. If Miracle had suddenly dropped dead, I would have had to rewrite everything, and I wasn’t into that.

April: Quads aged up and their storylines more or less wrapped up. I think we’ll be seeing less of them when the legacy comes back. We can only hope StoryProgression will be nice to them. Will and Roan though. Oh my god, these two. They weren’t supposed to do much but they played quite a role in a later storyline. I love them. Their storyline is definitely my most favourite out of all quads’ storylines. And finally, Regan leaves for Isla Paradiso.

May: Courtney and Felix got married and you still haven’t seen their baby. Whoops. Regan made friends in Isla Paradiso. I love George and Lou with my entire heart. Oh and of course, she made more than just friends there. Shit’s about to go down.

June: Shit really went down but I had so much fun working on this storyline. Just...give me strong emotions to work with and I’ll go wild. At the end of the month, I finally started posting my BPR. Did I tell you that it started off as a bitter joke? Which is ironic because they’re berry sweet sims. Okay, that wasn’t funny at all, I’m sorry.

July: More BPR. Gen 1 was quite uneventful and boring, I know, but just you wait for gen 2. It’s been done in true simmeronnie fashion, your favs aliens and fires may or may not return but you didn’t hear that from me. Anyway, yeah. Eden. Just like Ross, he’s another sim that starts off as an ass who refuses to take care of his child but then as the time goes, he changes for the better and long story short at the moment I love him even though he’s still a dick sometimes. Like when he refuses proposals. But you didn’t hear that from me either. Next up we have Gwyneth and Vanessa. I’ve said this before but Vanessa...she’s a good match for Gwyn and I’m happy they’re together, but there’s something about her that I just don’t like. For example, why the hell can’t you let go, Vanessa. Why do you have to keep holding those grudges. (says the person who holds a million irrational grudges too but ok go off ron maybe the reason why you don’t like that is because you see yourself in that) Oh and yeah, even though they’re not my favourite couple and I don’t even like one of them, they have the cutest proposal pics I’ve ever taken. Period.

August: More BPR. At this point there have been less alien jokes so they decided to come back to remind us they still exist and they still want to be my brand. Sorry my dudes, that’s probably not happening again. Oh. I started posting my BC in August. I’ll post the rest too, I promise. I’m actually almost done, I need to finish the last episode. Soon, hopefully. But yeah, BC will return. And more BPR...I love Roxanne. She’s a lot like me. She writes weird stories about aliens, likes her characters more than real people and sometimes eats weird shit for breakfast. (let’s just say my eating habits have become quite interesting ever since I moved to a dorm...)

September: Oh god, this rivalry between Eden and Vanessa...well, it’s not even a rivalry, Vanessa just hates him. “You weren’t nice to my wife? Cancelled, and no I don’t care that you’re making up for it now.” Magnolia is my favourite evil sim and I love this alliance her younger siblings have formed against her haha.

October: The moment you’ve been waiting for, NSB is back! Ross keeps wanting to hang out with Sunset, which makes me cry because it shows how far he’s come. Sunset and Dawn...when I was playing the yellow gen, I wasn’t even into them as much as I am into them now. They’re finally getting the development they deserve through the ask games. They’re the soft adorable couple that I need to balance out the overdramatic mess that said no to happily ever after...amirite Ross and Caleb? Not that it’s their fault that their happily ever after was just temporary but shhh.

November: Crystal and Claudia are born. I love these girls so much. Claudia reminds me of her grandfather in some way and because of that I’m kinda scared of what her generation will be like, but also I can’t wait to play it haha. Grandpa!Ross is a thing I didn’t know I needed. Oh and would you look at that, another fire accident.

December: This month started nicely, right? Sunset and Dawn got married...and then...then my worst fuckup of 2019 (second worst actually but we won’t be getting into the first one) happened. I didn’t include a picture of that because we don’t need to be reminded of that, do we? Instead, there’s a picture of when things were alright again. I love these two boys ;-; Please make sure they’re safe from me. I don’t care what it takes, just make sure nothing happens to them again. My heart wouldn’t take it. (says the person whose first reaction to seeing that Ross is dying was hysterical laughter but again go off sis) And finally, the family is moving into a new house. Which reminds me, I should put the old small one on the gallery. Will do that.

Thank you for a lit an amazing 2019!

Now let’s just hope that 2020 is less lit...if you know what I mean.

#ts3 #sims 3 #ts4 #sims 4 #rose legacy extra #breeze nsb legacy extra #clare bpr extra

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bulletprooflarrybackup-blog · 6 years

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TOP 100: Take Me Home Tour H/L Moments 2013

Lisa, Jess and I have been getting super excited for the WWA tour and thought a great way to get even more excited would be to go through every H/L moment from the 2013 tour and put them into a top 10 list.

As you can tell by the title of this post, that did not happen. Because guess what! This is the hardest post I've ever had to make because I couldn't pick 10 or 20 or even 50 "essential" moments from this tour.

THINK ABOUT THAT.

We all pine for the days of yore when the Up All Night tour was going strong, and there were a lot of moments I love from that tour. But it was also a much shorter tour and took place over a shorter period of time. It was a case study in teenage love affair: flirting, sex and hearteyes. The Take Me Home tour was different (obviously lol) in that it was much more subdued (partly for unhappy reasons).

But after going through this, I think I might like this tour better, which seems crazy, but once you go through this list (and Lisa's), you'll see that this tour was all about being settled, domestic and fond in the face of what appeared to be pretty extreme measures to have us believe they weren't even friends anymore.

But once you go through this list, I think you'll agree, that nothing that matters has changed.

(gif credit)

Let's do this.

These are in chronological order, because if I had to rank them, I'd stroke out from the pressure. Going by date is a fun way to see that this tour was CONSISTENT. There were more cute moments in the first half of the tour than the last half, but overall, they were always there. They never went away.

Harry checking out Louis an hour into the first show | London | 23 February 2013 - x x

Louis making Harry laugh | London | 23 February 2013 - x

"They could never shut us down." | London | 24 February 2013 - x

But Louis would really like to shut Narry down | London | 24 February 2013 - x

Louis did a cartwheel and Harry was cheering him on before he even started it and then wolf whistled and was so fond | London | 24 February 2013 - x x

Louis saving Harry from being crushed by the stage | Glasgow | 26 February 2013 - x

This picture | Glasgow | 26 February 2013 - x

Harry staring at the sun Louis | Cardiff | 3 March 2013 - x

Harry shows Louis the clitoris sign | Dublin | 12 March 2013 - x

Louis shares his crisps with Harry | Manchester | 16 March 2013 - x

Louis touches Harry's hip gently & fondly | Manchester| 16 March 2013 - x

Playground crushes | Manchester | 16 March 2013 - x

Louis admiring his boyfriend | Liverpool | 17 March 2013 - x

Dancing together in Teenage Dirtbag | Sheffield | 19 March 2013 - x

Louis' fond scrunched up face | Birmingham | 22 March 2013 - x

Louis makes Harry laugh so hard he can't sing | Birmingham | 23 March 2013 - x

Louis sees Heaven Harry | Birmingham | 23 March 2013 - x

Louis thinks Harry might be hurt & crushes our souls with The Head Tilt | Birmingham| 23 March 2013 - x [Jess' favorite]

This picture | Birmingham | 23 March 2013 - x

This whisper | Birmingham | 23 March 2013 - x

"Oh, I'm not alright." | Liverpool | 31 March 2013 - x

"You were mine and we never said goodbye." | London | 1 April 2013 - x

Mirroring | London | 1 April 2013 - x

Harry touches Louis' shoulder & his soul | London | 2 April 2013 - x

The Signal Reappears Briefly | London | 4 April 2013 - x x

Then Harry grips Louis' shoulder in their bow | London | 4 April 2013 - x

Harry's Fond Face | London | 6 April 2013 - x

Harry deep throats a banana at Louis causing Zayn to check on Louis' well being | Sheffield | 13 April 2013 - x

Harry really laying it on thick with his Louis thirst | Sheffield | 13 April 2013 - x x

Harry pretends not to know how to do a handstand even though he knows how to do a handstand just to let Louis win | Sheffield | 13 April 2013 - x

8 weeks in and Louis is already over the Zarry | Nottingham | 16 April 2013 - x

Harry spins Louis | Birmingham | 17 April 2013 - x

Cracking each other up | Manchester | 20 April 2013 - x

Louis taps his heart and looks at Harry during "Over Again" | Amneville | 30 April 2013 - x x

"They could never shut us down." | Oslo | 7 May 2013 - x

Louis sings "Hot In Here" and Harry gets excited | Stockholm | 8 May 2013 - x

Their hands as they look at a fan book | Denmark | 10 May 2013 - x

These M&G pics | Denmark | 10 May 2013 - x

Louis doesn't care if Harry's sick, he'll drink his tea if he wants to because they share everything else | Denmark | 10 May 2013 - x [Jess' favorite]

Louis makes Harry smile and is adorably smug | Berlin | 11 May 2013 - x

Louis attempts to become the personification of the word "fond" | Berlin | 11 May 2013 - x

Whisper Whisper | Munich | 16 May 2013 - x x

"They could never shut us down." | Milan | 20 May 2013 - x

The Dream Team in action | Madrid | 24 May 2013 - x

Harry likes what he sees | Mexico City| 9 June 2013 - x

Harry is just really fond of Louis | Mexico City | 9 June 2013 - x x

H/L on a mothafuckin' boat | Miami | 11 June 2013 - x

Holding hands at the M&G | Miami | 14 June 2013 - x

Louis' extreme concern at Harry falling | Louisville | 16 June 2013 - x

"I'm in love with you, and all your little things." | Columbus | 18 June 2013 - x

Louis in the Gibson shirt Harry got in Nashville and holding hands in a M&G | Raleigh | 22 June 2013 - x

Harry "Fond" Styles | Washington, D.C. | 23 June 2013 - x

Running into each other and Louis' sweet reaction | Philadelphia | 25 June 2013 - x

Hand holding at the M&G | Boston | 26 June 2013 - x

Louis' private Harry smile | Boston | 26 June 2013 - x

These smiles | Jones Beach | 28 June 2013 - x

Harry checking to see if Louis is watching him and Louis fonding away | Jones Beach | 28 June 2013 - x

This really adorable fan account | Jones Beach | 29 June 2013 - x

Making each other laugh | East Rutherford | 2 July 2013 - x

In a room full of people, you're the only one around... | East Rutherford | 2 July 2013 - x

Hand holding at the M&G | Hershey | 5 July 2013 - x

Louis kills the spider for Harry who can hardly believe his husband is that considerate and amazing | Hershey | 5 July 2013 - x x

Racing down stage together | Hershey | 5 July 2013 - x

The fond is unleashed | Hershey | 5 July 2013 - x

Harry causes widespread pain by changing the lyric to "They can never hurt us now" | Hershey | 5 July 2013 - x

Harry looks after Louis and gets him a throat lozenge | Hershey | 6 July 2013 - x

Over Again | Hershey | 6 July 2013 - x

Magnets | Toronto | 10 July 2013 - x

The way Louis laughs at Harry when he killed the bug | Chicago | 13 July 2013 - x

The way Louis gently held Harry's wrist during their bow | Chicago | 14 July 2013 - x

Niall brings up the First Meal Louis Ever Cooked | Kansas City | 19 July 2013 - x

"Here cutie, have a nacho." - Louis to Harry probably | Dallas | 22 July 2013 - x x

Liam messing with Louis by messing with Harry | Dallas | 22 July 2013 - x

Hand holding at the M&G | Oakland | 31 July 2013 - x

Louis finally snapping at fans who kept throwing things at Harry on stage throughout the entire tour | Las Vegas | 2 August 2013 - x

The gentle touches | Las Vegas | 2 August 2013 - x

Harry's favorite part of Chop Suey the human face is still the eyelashes | Chula Vista | 4 August 2013 - x (chop suey)

Harry barely restraining his pride and love for Louis as Niall announced Louis had just signed to play football with the Doncaster Rovers | Chula Vista | 4 August 2013 - x

Louis looking at Harry and wiggling his eyebrows as Niall announces Louis had just signed to play football with the Doncaster Rovers | Chula Vista | 4 August 2013 - x

Harry really, really likes Louis | L.A. | 7 August 2013 - x

Louis really loves Harry | L.A. | 9 August 2013 -x

These pictures | L.A. | 9 August 2013 - x x

The way they talk to each other | L.A. | 9 August 2013 - x

"You were mine and we never said goodbye." | L.A. | 10 August 2013 - x

Harry is incredibly amused by Louis | L.A. | 10 August 2013 - x

The Cake Licking Incident of 2013 | L.A. | 10 August 2013 - x x

Harry openly teasing Louis after the Cake Incident | L.A. | 10 August 2013 - x

Flirting via microphone stand stealing | L.A. | 10 August 2013 - x

Harry will do anything Louis tells him and they both love it (the Goldfish Moment) | Adelaide | 23 September 2013 - x

This heartbreakingly fond face Harry made when Louis' voice cracked in "Over Again" | Adelaide | 25 September 2013 - x

Harry watching the sun rise Louis finish "Over Again" | Melbourne | 2 October 2013 - x

Harry does his favorite yogo pose for Louis | Melbourne | 3 October 2013 - x

I'm not over Haylor and neither is Louis (99 Problems) | Christchurch | 10 October 2013 - x

Harry turns our hearts inside out by saying "Still the One" | Melbourne | 16 October 2013 - x

Whatever was going on during "I Would" | Brisbane | 20 October 2013 - x

This angle | Brisbane | 30 October 2013 - x

Fist bump | Brisbane | 30 October 2013 - x

"I think you know what's coming, Louis...ganbarimasu!" | Tokyo | 2 November 2013 - x

"If in doubt, say it fast." | Tokyo | 2 November 2013 - x

These Flirts | Tokyo | 3 November 2013 - x

#tmh tour larry #ls gifs #mine #top 100

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dwightkschrute · 5 years

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In 2014 and 2015 I did a my year in review kind of thing where I, of course, reviewed it and accompanied it with a picture from that month. I somehow forgot to post 2016 (until now) and forgot to do it at all for 2017 but unfortunately, I am back with a really disappointing year. I was debating not putting myself through the legit pain of “reviewing” this year but I think of how I love going through my 2009-2010 posts and seeing how much I’ve grown so this is for you, successful and cooler future me.

2016 and 2017 were amazing but 2018 was my most promising year. My boyfriend and I were going to move in, I was going to start my dream job; everything was perfect. It definitely started out as one of the best years of my life! Then exactly halfway through the year everything changed and I was left having to pick up the pieces and completely restart, making it one of the worst years of my life.

I started January in Mexico, which was the best, but my family and I got home early in the month. I had quit my job the month before so I dedicated the entirety of this month to job hunting. Our friend (my bf’s bff who became mine and my brother’s bff early on)’s dad got a boat so it was like we got a boat too because despite the cold, we lived on it. (My boyfriend couldn’t go on the trip with us, which he was super bummed about (and that we had to spend like 10 days apart which was killer then), so he was the one to pick us up at the airport and he greeted me with a bouquet of flowers. Out of the many gifts/gestures he gave me, that was one of my favorites.)

February I started my amazing new job so life was back to 40 hour work weeks and not having much time for much else. I was always attached to the hip to my bf so almost every day after work entailed going out with him or having dinner with my family or his. That was my month. My favorite part of every February is Valentine’s Day and this one was as amazing as the rest. I don’t even have enough space (of the allotted space I give myself for each entry at least!) to describe that day. (My bf at our Valentine’s Day dinner. We finished our long day at this restaurant (so, so cool, once popular with Old Hollywood stars) on Hollywood Blvd and it was dreamy and romantic and amazing.) Oh man, I don’t have a lot of interesting things to say about March. Oh, my parents got Influenza (A/B/idk tbh), so it was two weeks of my brother, bf, and I taking care of them. My dad has a serious chronic disease so it was especially dangerous for him so it was a stressful time. Once we weren’t in hazmat suits anymore (no but really, we were gloved and double masked around them and kept them quarantined), I’d be at work or with my bf. I also started to get close with a co-worker, who I quickly became close friends with! (My bf’s two huskies. I’ve just loved that picture since I took it! I’ve never been loved by a dog more than the one in the back of this pic. Not even by my own! He has a special place in my heart.)

April was barbecues at my house or my bf’s, trying every brewery and bar around, hikes, bike rides, beach visits, baseball games, boat rides, late night cooking and baking. It was lots and lots of love and happiness and I would give absolutely anything to go back to those days. (My brother and bf grilling on Easter. This was a familiar scene, I have so many pictures of this exact scenario, yet looking at it just now made me so emotional! Stop! They’re just grilling!) May was so exciting! Very first day I got a new car! I was so happy! It was long overdue because my finicky, expensive Volkswagen had to go and I’d fallen in love with the new Honda Civic (I’ll admit I have basic taste but I don’t care!) so I finally bit the bullet and did it. This month my bf and I, after a long time of “oh wouldn’t it be nice!”, bit the bullet as well and decided to finally get serious about finding a place together. So the apartment search started, but we soon realized our home, Orange County, was super expensive. My bf, in that “ha ha jk but I’m down if you are” way, suggested we pick up and move to Oregon and I immediately agreed. It just felt right and despite us being the most careful and non-spontaneous people ever, we decided to do it! So we began to research, look for apartments but most importantly, jobs. (My car the day I took it home!)

Uhhhhhh, well, June hurts to think about! We went to visit Portland, where we decided we’d want to live because that’s where the jobs were, on a quick trip since it was strictly “business.” Portland was everything I imagined and more. We loved it and I think we loved playing house in our airbnb more than anything about the city. Back in LAX we came to the easy conclusion that though we lived Portland, that’d require a lot and for our first time moving out we’d like to stay close to home and above anything else, we just wanted to live together as soon as possible. We immediately started to look for places in LA, we spent the month apartment hunting, and towards the end of it, decided on one we really liked, one he begged me to please say yes to so we can move in already. I was so, so, so happy this month but what made me happier was seeing my bf, I swear, even happier than me. I seriously felt unstoppable and was beyond excited for our future. (I had a lot of Portland pictures to choose from but my bf and I liked this one because it reminded us of Always Sunny for some reason.)

In July, everything changed. To start, I left my job. I thought, new chapter in my life, new job coming, I’ll live really far, I should leave now. So I did. My last day was an emotional day because I loved my job so much and every single person I worked with. That very same day, my bf and I broke up. For unrelated reasons to my last day, to our moving in, to our relationship, etc. We had an amazing, amazing relationship but he has a lot of demons and issues/insecurities he has to deal with and conquer, and though I was aware and was there for him and would continue to be by his side no matter what, he decided that this was a battle he had to handle by himself and I figure before he got into a more committed situation. It didn’t have to happen, though. I hadn’t talked about the specifics of the breakup on my blog so sorry for changing the mood of the post, but yeah, July happened and it felt like my world stopped. Really regret quitting my job now, huh? I was hit by two huge losses and changes right at the same time. (I took this on my friend’s boat 20 tequila shots in, drunk and sad as fuck. Not to get fake deep but how sad. Literally on a boat, beautiful sunset, would rather die.)

August was a blur and I’m still not convinced I didn’t just dream it. God, alright, here we go, the rest of the year is a mess so get ready. I fell into a deep depression fast. It also didn’t help that my dad had to start getting radiation/infusions for his illness shortly after the breakup. I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed. I started dating someone else and then I dated another guy shortly after. I wanted to replace and/or forget and I really thought that’d be the solution. I was miserable when I was with them. I took absolutely any opportunity to get really drunk or high, and the opportunity came often so I spent most of my days desperately trying to not feel anything. The only time I’d feel okay was when I was extremely high and I couldn’t even think. Since I had a lot of savings for my out of state move, I had a lot of money to blow, which I did. I realized I even liked the feeling of the temporary “high” of spending a lot and receiving the stuff. I’d hang out with any friend who offered (out of boredom? loneliness?) and even ended up on a mess of a Vegas trip. Worst month ever. Maybe. (Here’s a positive! I like that bathing suit and my tiddie looks so round!)

When September came I realized two months had passed and all I had done was be a huge depressed mess. I no joke forgot about work. I just straight up forgot. I started to look for a new job, which hurt me so bad because I had to face the fact that it wouldn’t be my Cool LA Dream Job anymore. I stopped dating. Most importantly, I completely stopped drinking and smoking because it’d almost always make me sadder but also it scared me that I had no self control nor did I care. I saw a whole lot of my close friends and they, along with my immediate family, kept me afloat this month because time felt like it was going so fast. I couldn’t believe that at a blink of an eye it was night again and then a new day. Time had no mercy for me, please let me hold on. (Me at a baseball game. Tbh I’m looking at this thinking, did this really happen?)

October started out nice because my best friend of years, who I unfortunately had a falling out with three years ago, reached out to me. I’ll always give her all of the credit for doing that. I can’t begin to explain what this meant to me. It was a nice, bright shine of light that managed to shine through the dark clouds. Having my best friend is exactly what I needed. I’m a big believer in the universe acting in mysterious ways and though I had grown disappointed in its little surprise for me lately, this was the kind I always appreciate. I spent a good part of that month with her, catching up and doing things just like we did back then. It was like nothing had changed. That’s all I remember about this month, and a super fun Halloween! That day was probably one of the best days in months. (My best friend Rylee and me the first time seeing each other in 3 years. We’ve had our blogs for 8-9 years so please follow her for quality content)

November was rough. I was frustrated because surely things should had been better by then. I was still feeling so low, I was going to job interviews to no avail, I “relapsed” and had a high/drunk off my ass on a boat messy moment.. To make matters worse, I accidentally drove up on a cement divider in a parking lot and my airbags deploy, which is so expensive to fix, so my car was out of commission for a month. Then I got so sick and I rarely ever get a small cold. I seriously felt like I was cursed, even the smallest thing felt like an insult towards me. The one good thing is that since July I had been forcing myself to go to the gym five times a week. My mom said exercising was the only thing that’d help her feel that sweet release of seretonin, endorphins, dopamine, and all that good stuff when she was depressed so, though I enjoyed going to the gym before, I did it just for that reason alone. It worked and as another result I got like pretty fucking fit. Revenge body, you’re one of the few good things in my life right now. (I literally had no idea what to choose so I said fine, here’s a pic of the scene of the crime. Whatever.)

In December I turned 26. Which I hate, naturally. I went to a million more job interviews. I’m seriously so embarrassed to admit that but whatever, it’s the truth. (I have a degree, experience, and an awesome cover letter..I’ll keep blaming the curse!) What kept me sane was that we had different family members visiting from the very beginning of the month. Playing with an energetic, adorable baby kept me distracted and happy. Having so much company around also distracted me (slightly, but it helped!) from the fact that the holidays and my birthday would be quite different now. I’m one of those annoying Christmas lovers, usually at least. This year everything just happened and I didn’t care. But I survived December! (I don’t care. This is the appropriate representation of 2018 and how I feel at the end of it.)

Jesus if you’ve read all of this.. I’m sorry you had to read about the mess of my year but really more like the mess that is ME. Yknow those like “people my age I went to HS with vs me” memes? I seriously went from being that bitch with a good paying job, brand new car, a serious, great relationship with a promising future together (Like. We would color coordinate outfits! LMAO. We would have dinners with both of our families together. We were obsessed with each other. You’d roll your eyes if you saw any of this. I can’t get over how perfect we were, it’s hilarious what happened to us.) and then at the blink of an eye I went to not having absolutely any of that, casually dating (something I’d NEVER done) anyone who resembled my ex and sadly and drunkenly puking off the side of a pier. Who is she? I don’t know, I got whiplash. (Queen of parentheses and side notes, I know. But another thing about me is... I’ve never been affected by people leaving my life. I’m used to it. I’ve never been anywhere as affected as I was when my ex and I broke up. This isn’t normal for me, my ENTJ/Capricorn ass doesn’t know what this feeling is.)

Please curse that has been put on me, release me. Whoever is attacking my voodoo doll, calm down! Please! I’ve gone through enough sadness and loss. If 2019 is even slightly as bad, I’m going to be like that pigeon I reblogged the other day that’s like “fuck this I’m just going to sit here.” I can’t even make a cute but corny, hopeful “hope 2019 is great!” comment. I’m literally begging you...pleading you... I don’t believe in karma but after all of this shit, I better have something much better in stock for me. “Good things are coming!” I fucking hope so. Like, I’ll be even more annoying right now and say that it’s not fair that I didn’t get to have the future I was about to have. I don’t care about any cliche you may have for me. One door closes, everything happens for a reason, God has a plan, etc. No. Why did all of this have to happen? What can be better than the future I was going to have? I felt so unlucky. It all feels like a nightmare and I’m just waiting to feel whole again. Oh shit I got really intense. I know I’ll get over it and life will be good again eventually but for now, I am still so mad. I would have never in a million years guessed this is how my 2018 would go.

So fine, I’ve accepted things now, so now I’m impatient and say please prove me wrong, 2019. I’m THREATENING you to be amazing!

#2018 #OMFG MESSSSS of a year..#and i acted so embarrassingly sigh but that was 2018

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jsteneil · 6 years

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Dan is the closest of the Foxes to Palmetto, working in DC where the others have migrated North or East, with Kevin down in Texas as one sweaty exception. She visits more than the others, hopping in and out of her car on occasions, and always comes in the Foxhole court holding a large to-go cup from the campus’ coffee, looking radiant and focused.

Neil smiles more easily, these days, and he never fights the natural inclination of his mouth when he sees Dan and lets himself be hugged, maybe a bit tighter than someone who doesn’t answer to the name of Dan Wilds would.

“Rookie,” she calls, lobbing her paper cup in the garbage one day. Half of the freshmen turn their tired faces to her, dragging their feet after today’s hard practice.

Neil smiles. “Dan,” he greets, and waves his team away. Robin steals his car keys on her way out, clearly not eager to repeat the time she had to wait half an hour in the cold for Neil and Dan to finish talking.

Dan lifts an eyebrow. She knows Robin from last year, when Andrew, Aaron, and Nicky were still there to share a bedroom that now feels to big for two people, but she’s emboldened over the summer. Neil is quietly proud of her, like warming his hands to the residual heat of a slow-burning fire.

“I’ll run,” Neil says with a shrug. “I haven’t been jogging as I should lately.”

“Yeah,” Dan says, “maybe because there’s actual frost on the ground. Don’t be crazy, I’ll drive you back.”

“Okay,” Neil accepts, because he’s gotten better at acknowledging the casualness of the Foxes’ kindness. “Wanna get out of here?”

Dan’s hand flies to her chest.

“Who are you and what have you done with Neil Josten, local exy court vermin?”

“I don’t actually live here.”

“Then you can explain to me why I’ve found you sleeping on those damn couches more times than I can count,” a gruff voice says from behind them. “Get out of here.”

Wymack emerges from his office with his usual stack of papers and grumpy expression. Neil knows how much Dan means to him and how long they talked on the outer ring during the last half of practice, so he understands the way Dan laughs with her teeth and turns around to hold the door open.

“We’re having dinner at Abby’s tonight,” Dan says as they make their way to Dan’s rental car. “Wanna come?”

Tonight is the Foxes’ movie night. Neil quickly calculates pros and cons: Indian take-out in a room crowded with people he already spends too much time with everyday, or in Abby’s kitchen with some of the people who count the most in his life.

“Sure.”

He sends a message to Robin to tell her not to wait for him to start the movie, then closes the door of the car on the uncharacteristically cold winter.

“So how’s the team?” Neil asks at the same time Dan does, backing out of her parking space. They share a grin: Dan’s enthusiasm for the sport will never be on the same level as Kevin’s or Neil’s, but he likes more detached outlook she brings to the conversation nonetheless. Probably because exy means less to her than to him—although Neil’s had some difficulties wrapping his mind around this truth in the beginning—Dan is particularly soothing to talk to. Andrew suggested once that it may be because she refuses to make herself insane for something as inconsequential as exy, but Neil would rather bet that it was a thinly-veiled insult thrown to Kevin’s obsession.

“We’re getting into the season on a strong foot,” Dan says finally after Neil gestures for her to speak first. “The changes we’ve brought to the starting line are already showing results.”

“Drafting Perez was a risky move,” Neil says, because his interest in pro teams has considerably grown now that it’s a certainty of his future and not a dream sitting just out of his reach.

Dan’s smile grows sharper. To Neil, she’s still the young woman who led them all the way to finals in his freshman year.

“It was,” she agrees, “but it’s going to pay big time—we have a game with the Hawks next week, and I know where the odds are leaning.”

“I don’t bet,” Neil reminds her as they park in front of the Fox’s Paw, the campus coffee.

“Still? Neil, you have no respect for traditions.”

It’s true; mostly because he didn’t get to experience them before he met the Foxes. Dan keeps talking about the Eagles in the line to the counter, prompting questions in Neil’s mind that he never took into consideration before—it’s been three years, but it still feels weird that his captain ended on the other side of the plexiglass wall. Not wrong: Dan was made to mentor, but still.

Dan almost gets another coffee, then reconsiders and orders some kind of chocolate concoction that Andrew likes, provided they add cream and sugar in large quantity, because that’s Andrew’s favorite way to eat anything. A small stitch drills into his chest like he’s gulped too much air while running, like always when the realization comes that Andrew is miles away in a large city, and not smoking, up on the rooftop of their small world.

“So how’re you doing?” Dan asks, twirling the cream in her cup.

Neil hums in response. “I’m fine.”

“Uh huh. And without the bullshit?” She’s not fooled by his confused look. “Neil, I know how it is—”

He knows she does. In hindsight, he’s grateful for the reprieve she accorded him by talking so extensively about her team first.

“The first weeks are the worst,” Dan says, which Neil doesn’t believe because it’s already mid-November and Neil’s been feeling down since August, when Andrew moved to Boston for good.

Andrew flew down to Columbia two weekends ago, which means that Neil will fly north in ten days for Thanksgiving and spend the beginning of the week holed up in Andrew’s apartment with only each other, ice cream, alcohol, and cigarettes for company. The perspective brightens Neil’s immediate future, but it doesn’t relieve the constant ache of not having Andrew right next to him to exchange truths and stories with.

“Andrew came to our game against the Ravens two weeks ago,” Neil says instead of dwelling on the feeling.

“I saw on TV. The journalists had a field day.”

Neil nods slowly. He feels miserable, and he’s sure that Dan read it on every inch of his face. He longs briefly for the days when lying to the Foxes was as easy as breathing, when the reality of his feelings concerned him only.

“I find it easier to bear long distance if you talk about it,” Dan says finally, done with being subtle. “Nicky would agree.”

“You just want the gossip. How many bets?”

“There’s a consequential one on where you’ll spend Thanksgiving break. Renee says you’ll have a quiet week in Columbia, visit Bee. Nicky has quite a few bucks on you meeting in Boston and boning the entire time.” She winces. “Sorry, his words.”

Neil waves if it off. “I gathered.”

Dan huffs a laugh and drumrolls on the table, phone in hand. “Do I get to settle anything, or are you just going to send us a pic from Vietnam or something?”

“We wouldn’t fly anywhere this far,” Neil says, then relents: “Robin invited us to her parents’ for the day. I’m not sure Andrew will take her up on that offer, but we’ll see. We’ll spend the rest of the week in Boston, so I guess Nicky wins, for one.”

“Nicky only wins if you spend the whole time in bed,” Dan says delightfully as her fingers fly over her screen. “I don’t think I have to ask you how likely it is to happen.”

Neil snorts. “You’d think he’d have learned by now.”

“Renee’s happy you won’t be alone for the holidays,” Dan reads after her phone beeps a few times. “Allison is mad—she would’ve made three hundred bucks. Don’t look so pleased.”

“Don’t bet on my life.”

“Never gonna happen.”

They sip their drinks in silence for a while, basking in the warmth of the crowded coffee shop. Having Dan by his side in Palmetto is familiar, like the feeling of watching his shots land true. If Robin is his best friend, the quiet extension of himself, then Dan is his sister, warm, teasing, and proud.

“I miss him,” he admits, because he suddenly wants to. Andrew has always been a point of friction between them, but he can acknowledge the olive branch Dan has been offering him. He doesn’t mind taking it; the riverbanks are slippery enough as it is. “We talk a lot, but it’s not the same.”

They’re good at communication, because they can’t afford not to be, but most of their conversations are silent, exchanged through looks and actions. Neil knows Andrew enough by now to read his tone, what he leaves unsaid, but he misses the touches, the certainty of Andrew, there besides him.

Dan’s hand curls around her cup like she wants to grab for him but is restraining herself.

“Have you discussed the situation?”

“Of course. I thought long-distance was all about communication?”

“And Skype sex,” Dan adds with a grin curling her mouth.

Neil frowns. In a rare bout of sharing, he says: “Not likely.”

“Really.”

“I’m not discussing sex with you.” That’s a conversation for another day, possibly imaginary, definitely involving alcohol. Neil has managed to escape it so far by sticking close to Nicky, who, despite his own interest in the situation, is always prompt to deroute on his own sexual adventures and attract Aaron’s ire.

“Fine. Keep your gossip to yourself, ungrateful child.”

“I will.” He waits a beat then says: “He’s not happy there. He never says anything but I don’t think the team is right for him.”

“Problems with his teammates?”

Dan’s frown his sympathetic. Twice captain of her exy teams and now assistant coach, she knows exactly how much inside tensions can affect a player’s game—and their lives beyond.

“Whitney is outwardly homophobic and an asshole,” Neil says. Five years ago, he would never have thought he’d ever get so worked up about something not directly linked to his survival; five years ago, he also didn’t have Andrew Minyard in his life, to love and protect fiercely where Andrew himself doesn’t necessarily. “Andrew won’t stand for it forever.”

“You’re worried it’ll fall back on Andrew?”

Neil raises his hands in front of him, palms up. “Exy golden boy from an Ivy league college and three years of seniority. Andrew.” He tips his hands like scales. “You know what people are going to see, and you know that it won’t be the truth.”

“It might if someone can attest of Whitney’s slurs,” Dan says. “He doesn’t have a good reputation in the division. People talk. And I think Andrew knows better than pulling a knife under another coach than Wymack.”

“He doesn’t carry knives anymore. And that’s not the problem, is it?”

“No it’s not,” Dan sighs. “I’m sorry.”

She asks about the team to distract him after that, and it works—Neil will never miss a chance to talk exy, especially not when it’s his team, a responsibility he never thought he’d have. He remembers the sick feeling of fear and want when Wymack first told him about his future captaincy; some days, Neil can still feel it, curled tight in his stomach to make room for pride and affection, and all those other feelings that he’s learned along the way. He doesn’t need to ask Dan if it ever goes away. He’s not sure he wants it to.

They clear out their table a while later, when night has already fallen around the bright yellow streetlights, and head back to Dan’s car, jogging slightly to fight the cold. Neil leans his head on the window and staring outside past the fog of his breath on the glass, and only straightens when he sees the shape of Abby’s house, shadow pierced by large rectangles of light. Dan winds her arm over his shoulders when they get out the car and drags him to the door.

“We’re here!” she announces, opening the door left unlocked, as usual.

Neil sheds his coat and removes his shoes, padding in the kitchen to find Wymack and Abby prepping chicken around the table. A small pot is already simmering on the stove and filling the entire room with the smell of tomato and thyme. Abby gives them each a knife and different vegetables to peel; the celeri makes a cheerful crunching sound every time Neil lowers the blade.

“You’re a terrible cook,” Dan observes good-naturedly after Abby corrects him three times on how to best mince garlic. Neil doesn’t mind: he’s usually the first to admit that he doesn’t care all that much about cooking.

“I know,” he says, and thinks, Andrew prefers to do it anyway.

#aftg #all for the game #tfc #the foxhole court #neil josten #dan wilds #my writing #idk guys

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unravelling-the-world · 3 years

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I was trying my best, and another friend who always took pictures of us (we took pics of him as well dw) documented all of those moments, i even used a not-permanent spray color hair for that day just so the pictures could be special. I didn't particularly like myself, I never did ,but I was too busy to think about it. When i went out, i felt decent at least. Binder, thick under-eye red/black liner, just the perfect e-boy look i wanted. I felt that, as a pre-hrt person, I was looking as masc as I could while doing the style that makes me comfortable and I want to achieve. I was doing my best everytime we went out to look presentable in the pictures, and I did well 9/10 times. At some point, there was a light festival as well. I went with one friends and my cousin and we had fun. My friend and I took pictures, my cousin didn't want hers taken but we still interacted a lot and had fun, I loved the pics of that day. I never got to post them, because my downfall came soon after. At that point in time, I was finally living the dream. I posted frequently on ig (bc i went out frequently) and even though i wasn't anyone big, no partnerships or anything, not even 1k followers, I was growing, and having been intoxicated by fame at age 12, it was just what I needed. My posts started getting 70 likes on average and 7-10 comments, i only had 500 followers but they were growing at an average of 20 followers/month. A lil tween reached out to me and told me he thought I was really cool and was my fan. Bro, that was awesome. Things were moving forward, and altough i felt afraid of the future, I was working on it all. I was making progress in other aspects as well,having come out formally recently and with help from my psychologist, we were going to start looking into hrt, and i just couldn't believe it. I only have read fast and short info. I never really wanted to inform myself more because deep within me I was just afraid I'd never be able to get it and get my hopes up for nothing. We appointed a session to talk about that. This was march, and at my house, we watched a Japanese channel (because we are all interested in Japanese culture and such) So I knew the coronavirus was coming. They started talking about it since the start, in december, obviously, because they are way closer to where the virus started so it spread faster there. I remember it was on a cruise first. I knew it would eventually arrive here, so through all summer i told my mother "it's only a matter of time." I knew it'd come. March was here, and the last time i went out with my friends came along. Inside my head, I felt like I knew that was the last time. I had thoughts about "I wonder if i'll ever get to see a sight like this again". I managed to take some pictures, because,inside me, I knew that was the last time. I wanted to preserve the memory of it. I didn't want to forget. At the time, with a friend, who took the same metro line as me but lives further away, since it was just us two, when saying goodbye we'd always say "see you in five minutes" (like in endgame, because i told her the whole movie and told her when they said that and then black widow died) and she LAUGHED so hard and it became an ongoing joke between us (we are both kinda suicidal ngl but we just laugh abt it.) We said it that day as well, but we actually never saw each other again lmao

At that point, in the country, there were about 4 covid cases. Only 1 in the capital, so it had started, but was only just the start. When I got home, i kind of knew that was the last. My classes started, and for two weeks, it was hell on earth. Online,obviously. I got paired up with the guy I hated the most in the entire generation (I only knew half of them, and liked even fewer, but this guy. fuck. i would have killed him. he was awful.) Anyways. Yeah. But at the end, classes got postponed until further notice. So I was now a Neet! For a while, even though coronavirus was getting worse and worse here as everywhere, I was doing good. I was living the introvert dream, and since I have a decent/good relationship with my parents and grandma, life was just great. All around me I saw everyone struggle with quarantine. I was having a blast. Playing sims, watching anime, anything went. Shit was great. Got Gta V for free when epic released it, and had a blast. Got obsessed with obey me for a while. It was all fun.... Met via discord with my friends. Almost daily with certain friends, once in a while with others, but the whole group would be together at least once. It was good, for me. I felt good. I would ocassionally wake up and tell my mother that I was happy, and hug her. I don't think i'd ever done that. I was at peak, and I knew it. Drew a lot, played a lot. Did a lot of things and projects. Everything felt ok...My dysphoria wasn't great during these times (since now i stay in pajamas all day except when I use camara to meet with friends, and obviously I dont wear my binder with my pajamas) But i had so much free time, that I could just ignore it. (I'm good at avoiding things. at running away.)

Classes started June 1st. First day, I had a breakdown. I don't remember why, but I couldn't connect to class. I felt overwhelmed. I don't know and don't like asking for help because i feel useless when I do. So I didn't. Apparently I seemed more upset than I thought, because my dad noticed. When comforted or confronted, I always cry. I can't talk about my feelings without crying. I feel weak for expressing them. Even writing this, i feel the knot in my neck. My dad saw and ended up helping and comforting. I cried a lot. I went to class, but spent the whole 3 hours of class crying. Things were unstable for a while, but I was keeping afloat, I guess. I started feeling like shit, I wasn't happy daily anymore. Online learning felt so distant and so difficult and so different. I don't like change. At least not without expecting it beforehand. So yeah, that ended up taking a toll on my mental health. The downfall started. I was quite busy, but still tried to meet with friends via discord whenever we could. We had some online birthdays, and season 3 of osomatsu san had already been announced. I was looking forward to it so much. I was in pain, but that thought was keeping me going. I started getting worse, mentally. I started isolating myself ocasionally. I have quite long gaps from this period. I can't really recall much of what happened or what it was like. At some point around August-September I was watching 6teen, because my uni decided that starting a semester and compressing it into a trimester was a good idea, and finals were in september, i think. At the time of finals, i was watching 6teen. I didn't wanna finish it, so I started total drama after. I had a week of vacation in September as well, and I think I was OK for the week.

I won't lie. I don't remember october. I only know Osomatsu-san started here bc I waited for it all year long. I regained closer contact with a friend who lives in japan. Halloween also had an online meeting. I cosplayed, and felt good with myself for the night, for the first time in months. But I ended up having a breakdown later that night. A friend who didn't come and had said he'd come ended up arriving very late (2-3AM ish, meeting was at 10PM) He was very drunk. I don't mind. He says he just came to say sorry he didn't come bc he ended up meeting with irls. We tell him it's ok. He disconnects. He reconnects not long after, but we are confused, since that's not his voice. It was his friend who took his phone, a classic party prank. Doesn't matter, it was fun for a bit. This guy is also mad drunk, so talking to him is weird and funny. But shit gets bad for me in a bit. I was using a voice changer, as I usually do online, because Im ashamed of my high pitched voice. But this guy misgenders me, more than once, and also my friend who lives in japan. He doesn't seem to care, and I act like I don't, but it hurts so bad. My other friend who was there at that time corrects him, more than once. I felt thankful to her. I never thanked her afterwards because I didn't know how to bring out that topic without crying. This guy is very drunk though, and altough i doubt he had vile intentions because of the way he phrased it, he insists, that those are womans voices. They talk about it a bit, verbal comebacks. I wanted them to stop. At some point, my friend who lives in Japan leaves bc its lunch time for him. I felt like shit. I just told this other guy "I'm 10" and he dropped the subject, he believed me and the explanation. My friend laughed her ass out, because she thought I said it as a joke. Truth is, that was just a desperate answer to get him to drop the topic. I dont really care if he believed I was 10 or not though. I just wanted it to stop. He jokes with my friend for a bit more. I didn't talk much after, because I felt ashamed. I didn't want to talk ever again. Even now, even with the voice changer, I don't have the confidence I had when I started using it. I have lowered the pitch twice, just in case. My friend left the call a bit later. When she left, I left as well. I was thankful to her though. I don't remember if i cried or not, but it caused me a massive breakdown for about two weeks. I didn't talk online with anyone until my birthday, I think. I didn't tell anyone but my psychologist this.

I don't remember November much either. I know it's my birthday, and I know I came back to tumblr in november. Yall know when. Canon destiel and shit. Tumblr hadn't felt so alive in years. It felt like home. I remember I was having a bad breakdown during that time. I think it was career related. I can't really remember much. The shitshow happening on tumblr Destiel Election actually helped me get better. I remember this only because of a conversation I had with a friend. I started working on christmas decorations as well. December came along, I worked hard on christmas decorations. I played a bit as well, because on some of my classes I just didn't have anything to do lol. Decorations were finished two weeks in advance for christmas. For the first time ever! I was happy. During these times,Nov-Dec lockdowns started easing up a bit. I still can't go out at all though, because I live with my grandmother, so we're supposed to minimize risks. My parents only go out for shopping essentials that can't be bought online. So it's fair and I understand it, but it started becoming hard on mental health. Not because I can't go out, but because my friends start going out. They know I can't go, they don't exclude me, but they know I can't and I also know I can't. I guess in a form, its jealousy. It becomes hard because there's no one to blame. It's no one's fault. I'm not excluded on purpose, but the truth is, I don't want to hear them talk about what they do when they have fun. I've always been insecure. Even when all evidence points otherwise, I still believe, deep inside,they hate me. They wish I weren't in the group and would be better off without me. It gets hard sometimes.

Even though in general December was quite good, it also came with a major breakdown. One of my best friend's bday is in December. Up until then, Me, her, and another friend had been playing league of legends nearly daily. It was toxic sometimes (the game/community, not my friends) but we had fun. I just liked playing together. But that would come to an end as well. My friend celebrated her birthday, and did invite me, but obviously I couldn't go,and she knew this beforehand, so she didn't get mad or anything. She handled the situation very well, wrote on the gc once, and then did a special gc for birthday attendants to talk about details there and such, and reminded friends who asked in the gc to talk in the birthday gc. (this is how i knew, but i think it was well done tbh, i wish they'd just asked in the bday gc instead so i wouldn't have seen it and felt bad about how i couldn't go) My friend also offered to have me as an online guest, like, being in videocall in the computer on the table. like Karen from spongebob ig. the idea was cool, but honestly i felt bad. She celebrates her bday with her gf bc their dates are near, and I just didn't really want to inconvenience them? I mean, her gf is cool and she used to hang out with our group ocassionaly and she was cool and fit in, and it never felt awkward talking to her irl or anything but it's not like she's my friend and honestly I didn't wanna inconvenience her party, and even though I'm sure my friend wouldn't have minded, I didn't want to be an extra inconvenience for her too. I just wanted her to have fun, honestly. But feeling like a burden ended up weighing on my mind. This caused a bad bad breakdown, beforehand I had started to become better,little by little, but these two weeks waiting for that event to happen felt like a nightmare to me. I didn't tell anyone. I think i wrote it about here once. Around this time, an account on instagram called "matsunoadvice" got reccomended to me, and Oh boy Have I gone to them for advice. Of course, I sent them a message at the time, desperate for someone to talk to, because I couldn't tell anyone about this, because all my other friends know each other kinda and i didn't wanna inconvenience everyone. I didn't want anyone to know i felt like shit. I felt thankful to my friend, because she did try her best to include me, I just didn't really wanna inconvenience anyone. I guess I'd rather suffer alone myself than being a pain in the ass for someone else. After all, I've accepted that I'm alone long ago, and since now there's nothing I can do to maintain my social relationships now,I may as well just accept that theyre ending now. I kind of isolated myself for those two weeks, sometimes i would still connect on discord, but it always felt kind of distant. I stopped playing league of legends around this time.

I still hadn't confirmed to my friend if i was virtually going or not. Truth is, i kind of knew I probably wouldn't want to go in the end, bc im Like That™ But i told her in advance that i'd let her know the date of the event early in the day because of how unstable I am and I wouldn't actually be sure until the day (which was true when I told her) So the day of the event i told her that I was thankful but I wouldn't be assisting virtually and told her to have a great day! She replied okay in a nice way as she always did. I don't think she seemed weirded out by my answer. I hope she didn't feel bad, because she's very empathetic so I hope she didn't think about me at all that day. I hope she never reads this, and even if she does, she didn't really do anything wrong and handed the situation the best she could, the pain was unevitable for me due to the situation. beforehand i had also had a similar breakdown though, because 3 friends who i was/am? still very close to started meeting each other to skate together. I don't know how to skate/have never skated and obviously can't go either way, and sometimes they'd talk about it in the vc. I remained calm always until the call ended,but I did cry about it late at night. It's selfish, of course, but when no one saw anyone, it was easier. we were all the same. But now it felt like they were all moving on without me. In a way, it's what I always wanted, but I always wished to die first. I know it's not sane, but i'd imagined situations like that in my head, where I die and then everyone moved on and it made me feel calmer. But seeing that unfold before my eyes, when i'm still breathing here, i'm still here. It felt lonely. I'm glad they're having fun. I'm just upset I can't do it as well? And it makes me feel like inevitably my relationships with them will break and fall apart and dissapear and they're all still gonna be a interwined network, even though I did everything I could to maintain it because it's all I've ever had outside of my direct family? I didn't make any friends at uni or have a different group of friends so it just...hurt? It still hurts, i'm just more used to it. Also after the bday i did try to connect in vc but it just made me worse, like a friend said like "noo it got too wild honestly u didnt miss anything" and i was like lmao ok but i felt like kinda sad anyways but if i was there i wouldve probably slept through it anyways

...after i felt awful bc i have another friend who is just kinda blunt and kinda dumb when it comes to how others feel, and he was like ohh yeah but after the bday [friend] took us and some of [friends gf's friends] to our houses and since it was early we went to a mcdonalds and it was so fun !! and it was just so uncomfortable bc obviously im glad you have fun but like i dont wanna know??? bc it hurts a fuckin lot???? and my other friend who was also in vc (he was the one w the car) he was like "haha yeaaa it was fun" but he seemed quite uncomfortable talking abt it he could probably tell i didnt wanna hear and ik my other friend only did it bc he's naive not bc he had bad intentions but yeah it sucked i was like haha thats great heh.....like what ya want me to say babe

Christmas arrived and it ended up helping me a lot. Christmas is my favorite holiday and I decorated a month in advance, baked cookies for the first time (with my mom) and we just did a lot of things this year. It made me happy and kept me occupied through the pain (I know i described a lot of pain here but I only paid attention to it at night, which is why it still hurts now probably bc i've had it all repressed) And of course the gifts, honestly I didn't know what to expect because this year I didn't really know what to ask for and just asked for a surprise (because i love receiving things! anything) And my dad definetely outdid himself with all the gifts, I loved them and they're all useful too! I was amazed and i told my friends abt it and it ended up in me talking more in the vc again, and i also started playing genshin impact in late december as well. We also held a secrer santa in the group but not everyone participated (mostly bc of money) but the 4 of us that did was fun! i knew everyone's secret santa bc 2/4 asked to me for help and they were mutual </3 so i knew me and my other friend were mutual too lol but it was cool. I kinda was a bitch a bit though bc he delievered my gift to my home and was going to come a random day and I just wasn't prepared bc I was afraid of seeing him honestly I didn't want to see him and I hoped he wouldn't come? He didn't come that day but he did come some days after, I truly wasn't ready at that point anyway and my mom said we could let him inside if he sanitized, but he came with his mother and didn't get out of the car, we just exchanged the gifts, and honestly I was glad, i was polite and just said hi to both and thanks and all! Obviously i love him a lot bc we're close but idk why i didnt want him to come into my house i just feel like im so boring now and I dont know what we couldve talked abt and honestly ive always been shy but now i just forgot how to socialize and i was terrified so when he didnt get out i was just glad.....well, also

I feel like all of these incidents separated me and my friend who had her birthday on december. Now she wouldn't join the vc or gc often (or say she couldn't, which she usually did before) so I just assumed she hated me, but i didn't really have the guts to ask? She still liked my memes on the gc sometimes but not as she used to, she always used to like every single meme (or nearly all) and she never talked over me (I always get talked over except when I'm drunk bc i become a bit less shy therefore more violent) and would even call others out for me when talked over and always respected everything i told her abt me (Through the years, i've told her some of my deepest shits bc i just trust her like that i dont mind if she knows) but it just felt distant? Also a bit before that, at the start of december we started streaming on twitch, and that week i was very bad I told her i wouldn't play much bc i wasnt doing well but I was up for streaming bc i rly wanted to be professional abt it even if we dont pursue it as a career, but in the end we didnt stream, and fell out of streaming a bit after that. I was kind of afraid to ask her if she wanted to stream again, but we'd talked once and she said she'd finally gotten the cat earphones for the streams (she mentioned she wanted them beforehand) yeah anyways i dont think she actually hates hates me but idk the idea still lingers in my mind

uh yeah also i felt like shit for a bit bc i thought she definetely hated me bc we hadnt talked in a bit and she didnt like my memes anymore so i just assumed the worst, i even listened to break up music (which is what i do when a friendship ends bc altough ive never rly had strong romantic feelings for anyone that kind of song helps me move on after friend breakups too bc no one warns you abt how painful these are) and i cried obviously, but again i never mentioned it to anyone (i made a few vague textposts here though) and just got my shit together even if it hurt? lol, well a bit of time passes and everything seems to go back to normal, i dont remember how she told us but she said she had a job now which is why she didnt connect much and slept earlier and i felt relief lol bc i legit thought she hated me and i felt like shit abt it lol i mean the idea they kinda hate me lingers in my mind all the time but at that point in life i was like. SURE she hated me until that point. now we ocasionally play genshin together but i cant really talk at that time and that also makes me upset bc i do wake up late and im trying to fix my schedule a bit by waking up at 2pm instead of 5 pm but it doesnt even matter bc i play board games with my grandma daily (bc its good for her and its fun i do enjoy it) i just wish we could do it earlier bc lately she gets up at like 9pm and i end up finishing playing at 11/12/1 and its just kinda late to meet w my friends bc i always have smth to do/finish after and i just cant make it in time even if i wake up earlier? lol but i cant change her schedule so theres nothing i can do but cry about it

oh also ik matsunoadvice gave me advice on this but like there's this friend who i love obviously but sometimes he just talks abt his meetings w other friends and like it only makes me angry as fuck and i cant ask him to not bc im too shy but i wish he could stop. and also when he complains abt skate related stuff it makes me unexplainably angry but like i have no reason or right to im just angry bc i cant do that and probably never will bc i doubt ill ever be able to go out again ?? lol. and he even offered like "when we go out again u should come and ill lend u my skate and if u like it u can get one" and honestly its all super nice and i appreciate it and ive thanked him and told him yes but it just makes me feel angry inside bc i dont see an ending with all the mutations and shit and my voice cracks when i tell him haha yeah if we ever meet again bc honestly my youth is already over and i just spent it like a social recluse and i read a post here when i was younger that said like lgbt people spend their teens closeted and ashamed and live their teens in their twenties but now im gonna miss my twenties to the pandemic and then ill be too fucking old and itll be too fucking late and ill have to die and i just never lived bc i still havent even transitioned yet and i doubt ill ever be able to (this also causes me a lot of pain but i will ignore it) and the other day he said like i hope i can see u this year bc i miss u and i just said that honestly ive lost all hope of ever seeing anyone again and my voice cracked and my other friend said something related but not so related and im just glad he talked in bc i didnt rly care i just wanted to change the topic bc i know ill never see them again and eventually probably lose contact and see them all have fun together without me just as if i was dead but just didnt pass away and its difficult but i have to accept it and it hurts a lot now but in 7 years itll be fine, just like i accepted im unlovable and will never have a s/o and when i was 12 that hurt a lot but now it doesnt so someday i will be alone but i hope it doesnt hurt anymore.

this is all a mess and the format is everywhere and theres no timeline i hope no one reads it. if u do read it im sorry. i just honestly been carrying all of this for a while now and i want it out of my system honestly bc i dont know what to do with it and i was on the verge of a breakdown for a minimal thing hours ago i just want all this info out of my brain.....also obv these are only the bad things that have happened/good things that took me out of the hole but a lot of good things happened too lol and i skipped a lot of imp points like i changed careers and shit and also i met a lot of cool mutuals since i got back to tumblr and ososan been carrying my mental health every monday but yeah i just wanted the negatives out of the system. the frustrations and the anger. i hope no one reads this fr its so messy

#hinatalks #long post

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bessonbitch · 7 years

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To my followers,

I take dual-credit classes at my high school, which are college classes that earn both a college credit and a high credit. This semester, one of the classes I’m taking is Psychology 110. We’ve just started our positive psychology unit, and one thing that we have to do is write a letter to someone we believe we haven’t properly thanked and then we have to read the letter to them. The one I submitted for a grade was for my best friend, but I wanted to do one for you guys too. I tried to record this for you guys, but the video ended up being thirteen minutes long and was too large of a file to be uploaded to Tumblr. So, instead, I settled for just putting the written letter up for you guys to read. (For the record, this is a lot of background about me and who I am before I actually get to the appreciation part #sorrynotsorry)

If you don’t know me, hi. I’m Kayla, I’m seventeen, turning eighteen in November. I’m from a small town in eastern Kentucky that is the definition of conservative America. I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was five years old when my kindergarten teacher told me that some stupid story I wrote was good and that she was going to put it my writing portfolio that the school made us do. I started writing then, and I haven’t stopped since…

Well, that’s a lie. In sixth grade, I had this tyrant of an English teacher. She was obsessive, wanted us to write a very specific way and that didn’t sit well with me. I struggled in the class, and had panic attacks almost weekly for the entire year because I felt like what I wrote wasn’t good enough, that it didn’t meet her unrealistic standards. By the time I got to the seventh grade, I was completely turned off by writing.

So, for about a year, I didn’t write. I used to write fanfics all the time—mostly for Justin Bieber or the dance group ICONic Boyz (if you’ve been around long enough to know who these guys are, wow, hi, it’s nice to meet someone else who’s been as obsessive as I am for as long as I have), and the occasional Percy Jackson fic. That stopped, too, after the sixth grade. I didn’t get the same enjoyment out of it anymore, but I still read fanfictions online. In the sixth grade, I also found the band One Direction. I remember being the first person who liked them in middle school, because they weren’t quite marketing to America yet. Throughout sixth and seventh grade, I read fanfictions for 1D all the time. I never had any homework, so I spent every free moment just reading these godawful fanfictions written by people who used every trope imaginable in one story because that’s just what we did in 2012. In case you don’t know what that means, I believe 2012 was about when people started referring to “eyes” as “orbs”...Yeah, I’ve been around that long. (I started the fanfic phase waaaay back in fourth grade, in case you were wondering.)

I don’t remember what compelled me to write again. I think it was because I ran out of fanfictions to read. I’m not sure. But I remember one day, motivation hit me like a truck. So, I picked up the pen—well, the laptop, if we’re being technical—and wrote the stories that only I knew how to write. Sixth grade English did help me with one thing, and that was how to actually structure a story and its plot and not just go on forever about some crap that, at the end of the day, doesn’t matter in the story. You know, kind of like this letter than I have no idea where I’m going with.

I started writing again and I haven’t stopped since. I found people who loved and appreciated my work. I posted content on a website called Quotev (it used to be called Quizzazz and you can bet your ass I was pissed when they changed the name), and every once in a while, I’ll log on to see what’s going on over there. To this day, I still get comments from people saying they love my work even though I haven’t updated on there in years. And, really, that’s what motivates me to write.

Don’t get me wrong, I love writing. I love putting ideas to paper and expressing myself the only way I know how. It’s one of the few things that I can turn to, when I feel an array of emotions that I don’t quite know how to confront. But to know that someone other than me enjoys what I do…It’s a reward all on its own. I appreciate every comment, every person who says that they love the fanfiction I published. And I’m not just saying that—I really do mean it.

When I got to my junior year, they wanted us to know what we wanted to do with our lives. I wanted to write. I didn’t care what it was—if it was fiction, nonfiction, technical writing. I didn’t care. Writing is oxygen for me. I can’t live without it. I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t write anymore.

That same year, I had taken a bit of a break from writing fanfictions. I’d focused more on original stories, creating a world that no one else had ever thought of. I never finished anything—I never really do. My mind kept bouncing from topic to topic and refused to stay in one place for too long. I landed on an idea that I haven’t been shaken off of yet. It’s a story about magic, and it’s still in the planning stages so I don’t want to talk about it too much, but I think this is the story that I’ll finish.

Around that same time, my friend forced Why Don’t We on me. She made me listen to their music every time we were together, and we were together a lot. She sent me pics of them, videos, and everything else imaginable. That started back in either April or May, and I eventually joined the fandom in August. That’s when I started this blog and I think know I’ve said this a lot, but I wasn’t planning on keeping this blog. I expected myself to delete bessonbitch within a week of creating it.

Then, for the first time in a long time, I started writing fanfiction. I saw very few Corbyn fics on here, so I made a songfic of When She Loved Me. It’s a song from Toy Story 2, and I actually cry when I listen to it. It’s actually pretty pathetic to see someone who’s almost an adult cry like a baby while listening to this song, but I digress. Anyways, when I was writing the fic, I had tears streaming down my face and I didn’t know have the first clue where I was going with the story. I was in what my psychology professor calls “flow”, which is kind of where I’m so focused on a task that the world melts around me and I do my best work. I don’t notice how much time has passed. I wasn’t quite aware of what I’m doing. It’s something everyone can get to, but it’s really hard to figure out what puts you so the in the moment that nothing else matters. I hadn’t been in the flow in a very long time, and I didn’t realize what I was doing until I’d already hit the publish button. I was so in the moment that I don’t even remember tagging the fic, or even figuring out what the word count was.

All of a sudden, I had fifty followers. Then a hundred. Then two, three, four hundred. I’m almost to five hundred (499 as of 4:57pm!!!), and I have no idea why you guys like what I do so much. And I’m not just saying that—I really don’t understand why you like me. I’m not the best at what I do—half the time, I’m not even posting my best work on here. I know I can do better, but you guys still like it. You still like and reblog and add little comments that actually make my day better.

I don’t talk to most of you guys. I don’t talk to any of you, really. There’s only two people that I actually talk to on here. But I notice all of you. I see you when I’m at school and I just get a spam of likes. I see you when check my phone in the middle of the night and you’ve reblogged a fic that I’m convinced turned out to be shit. I see you and I want to talk to all of you, to be friends with all of you, but I don’t know how. There’s only two people I talk to frequently, and one of them I’ve known for four years and the other one initiated the friendship. But even though I don’t talk to most of you, I love you all the same.

I said earlier that I don’t always post my best work on here. That wasn’t just me being insecure or something. I know I can do better, but I’m not always motivated to it. I know that I can make the beginning better. I know I can make the ending better. I know I can make the actual plot better. But, for whatever reason, I can’t convince myself to do my absolute best work. There’s a lot of times where I feel like the imagines I’m posting are absolute crap. But you guys always like them, and I don’t know why.

When I first got back into writing, I didn’t feel confident in what I was doing. I had spent so long out of practice that I didn’t have the first clue where to begin with writing. It took years for me to finally feel comfortable in my writing. There are still times that I don’t feel comfortable at all. When I publish an imagine, I freak out. I care a little too much about what you guys think of my work. I know I probably shouldn’t, but after you’re made to feel like crap for something you love to do, it’s hard to get to a place where you don’t worry what people think. That’s why I have to schedule my imagines to be posted. I can’t just hit the publish button after I finish writing. It freaks me out waaay too much to do that. So, if you send me a request, and it seems like it takes me forever to publish it, that’s why. I will do every request, but they won’t be up as soon as you probably want. (If you’re interested in what my schedule is, I will post an imagine every three days.)

Thank you for everything you guys have done. Thank you for following me, thank you for liking and reblogging and adding little comments to every imagine I publish. I appreciate everything you guys do. Thank you for dealing with me. Thank you for being amazing.

I love all of you. I love all of you so so so so so much. I don’t think you guys understand how much y’all mean to me. I love you. Honestly, I don’t know what else to say except I love you. Thank you for everything you’ve ever done. I know I don’t talk to everyone, and I hate that I don’t talk to more of you. But please please know that I appreciate every interaction you’ve ever made with my blog.

Thank you thank you thank you.

Love,

Kayla Porter

This was something I added in the video I was going to upload with this, but because I couldn’t do that, here are my social links in case anyone wants to follow and/or talk to me:

Instagram: @/writingactually

Twitter: @/writingactually

Snapchat: @/thewallflower7

Wattpad: @/zukosprincess

:)))

#this was kind of long #and kind of rambly #but if you made it to the end #thank you #thank you thank you thank you #i love all of you #every #last #one #of #you #you guys are the best and i just wanted y'all to know that #this is also unedited in case you couldn't tell #sorrynotsorry #bessonbitch

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darknymfa-art · 4 years

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This year is a bit of a mixed bag, to be honest! After years of mental health struggles I finally started receiving help for it last year, and this year I've really felt the impact of that. So much impact, in fact, that this September I finally returned to college! Which of course promptly slurped up pretty much all of my free time, but ah well. I've tried to make up for it by doing daily drawing challenges, including my first ever full Inktober! Considering that my previous record from 2016 or so was 6 days... Well, a full month was pretty dang good! Also lots of Pokemon Amethyst stuff here at the tail end of the year, finally getting through that old project. Also I totally prepared this whole post earlier this month lmao. Held off until I saw a layout come around, and so I had something good to put into December. JANUARY: 3 whole drawings this month, and one of my favorites from this year too! Something about this piece just really does it for me, ngl. Also did a bunch of fanfic writing this month, based on the multiple one-shots I have with upload dates from January, and also the fact that I was writing a chapter a week as part of my executive dysfunction therapy thingy. FEBRUARY: 3 drawings, but overall less productive. Not much writing (or, well, compared to the surrounding months), and the art pieces were mostly simple or took longer than they should've. Still, nothing to complain about! MARCH: Somewhere around here I finished my first multi-chapter fanfic ever, counting 15 chapters and over 50.000 words! I was really excited about it, pretty much bouncing out of my chair when I declared it done. It absolutely stunned me that I wrote *that* many words, that I managed to complete a project of that size. (it's pretty dang impressive if you look at where I came from, but I have since finished a 60k and a 90k fic, so...) APRIL: Not only do I have 4 art pieces for April, I also have a *ton* of writing. Besides my usual weekly chapters I joined the Phic Phight (a DP fandom event similar to Art Fight but for fanfic writers), so I wrote an additional 8 one-shots for a total of 34.000 words this month. Yeah, it was a productive hecking month, and it kind of set the tone for my next few months, proving to myself what I was capable of. MAY: Wow, lots of pieces to pick from this month. After doing the Phic Phight the previous month, I decided to keep the writing train going, and started writing two chapters of fanfic a week. One for Weirdward, my next major project after Disinterred (which finished posting this month), but also one for What A Nice Surprise, which followed up Disinterred in my weekly update slot. Really productive month, really, lots of writing and drawing and experimenting with styles! JUNE: The end of my year-long fusion project! This year was very important for me, art-wise, because I finally got to finish projects I started. Which may sound a little silly, but with my executive dysfunction, I usually lost interest in projects before I got anywhere close to finishing them. Really satisfying in that aspect. Also continued to carry on my 2 chapters of fanfic a week thing. JULY:[1][2] Not much finished stuff this month, kinda let myself take a break there. Still wanted to keep up the 'draw at least 1 thing a week' thing, but kinda eased up on how cleaned up it had to be, especially since I didn't want to start a new project so close to school. Mostly played around with my superhero setting/world/thingy, to be honest! Don't have much experience with designing their outfits, so that was fun to play around with. Figuring out their aesthetics and how to knit those into superhero-esque outfits. (except for Hornet. she's an ex-villain who never changed her costume) This month also saw the end of What A Nice Surprise, my one-shot which spiraled completely out of control, and ended up beating Disinterred in word count. A neat 12 chapters and 62.000 words, there. Also we broke the heat records around here so yeah, I took some time for myself to just melt in peace, lemme live. AUGUST: Not a whole ton of art to be honest, but this ensemble pic right here was a real joy, and I really like the Totodile piece as well. I officially finished writing Weirdward, my (currently) longest fanfic, at 22 chapters and 91.000 words! And I wrote a shorter multi-chapter over July and August as well (Play Your Part, at 6 chapters and almost 25.000 words). SEPTEMBER: I'm gonna be honest, this was the month I started school again after 2 years of doing basically nothing. It was a lot of getting used to that again, let's be real. I have nothing major to show off for this month, art-wise. Outside of art, getting to start school again was a major achievement for me; finally recovering far enough (mostly through art) that I could go back. And I've done well, so far! OCTOBER: I did Inktober! Pen-based stuff, yes, but the first year I managed longer than a week. A full month, even! I also finished my longest one-shot yet (Surreptitious, counting 35.000 words), and wrote a couple of fics for EctoberWeek to celebrate my first full year of fanfic writing. Didn't quite manage the full week thanks to school, but still, 20k words is nothing to sneeze at. NOVEMBER: Inktober TWO!!! No but for real, I started off the month by finishing my last Inktober piece, and then immediately transistioned into doing daily drawings of Amethyst Fakemons. Not _quite_ every day, but I still 11 of them done before the new Pokemon games dropped, so. Pretty solid, especially since most of them were in color. I also played through Pokemon Sword in its entirety, and wrote a 12.5k fic over the span of a single weekend for a Phandom event. So, y'know, not too shabby. DECEMBER: Well, this month isn't over yet, so... Doing another traditional art challenge, this time Pokecember, although I'm only doing a single Fakemon a day. Also finished planning out the entire Amethyst dex AND region (including encounters), so! (well, okay, I still need to sort in 'regular'/unchanged/canon Pokemon but shh) And hey, look, actual digital art! Which isn't posted on dA yet because I didn't finish drawing their wings but eh, still looks good. Template by AsterianMonarch on dA

#progress meme #improvement meme #art improvement #dark rambles #i honestly dont know if there are any tags ppl are using for these tbh

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livelikebrent · 7 years

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Stop 4: Ithaca, NY

I’ve never cried so much at a wedding. I also haven’t laughed as hard as I did this weekend in a very, very long time. I remember the very first time I met Adam and Caitlin, two of Brent’s best friends. It was the week after Thanksgiving of 2014. I don’t know why but I remember deciding to wear a brand new sweater I purchased on Black Friday of that year. Caitlin decided we would meet up for drinks downtown Manayunk at a place called The Goat’s Beard. I was nervous but excited. I remember Caitlin wearing a long, thick, over sized sweater and complimenting her on it. I remember Brent ordering a Moscow Mule and wanting to steal the copper mug it was served in. I remember then we would head down to one of my favorite bars, Lucky’s Last Chance, and to my surprise it was to meet more of Brent’s crew. Danny, Dana, Dana’s sister and brother-in-law were all there hanging out and having a good time. Again, I was nervous and had no idea just how much these people would mean to me over the next three years.

This year, I will be attending two weddings by myself where Brent played matchmaker. I think almost everyone knows the story as to how Adam met Caitlin and how Brent played such a huge part...but for those of you who don’t Caitlin summarized how they met in her own words shortly after Brent passed:

“...My fiancé Adam and I met through our mutual friend Brent Evans, who over the weekend passed away due to post-cancer complications. Cancer didn't take him though, he actually beat that like a champ, twice. I grew up knowing Brent through mutual family friends and even though I rarely saw him between yearly gatherings, he always made you feel like you were one of his best friends. Adam has been friends with Brent since high school, but became even closer after college and the two bonded over their love of skiing/snowboarding. It was a few years ago when my sister reconnected with Brent and he quickly invited her to join any event he and his friends were doing (because that’s the kind of guy he was). Soon after, she met his friend Adam, and the two thought Adam and I would be a good fit for one another. Later that summer Brent put together a spontaneous potluck, turned dance party, with everyone from our hometown who was living in Philly (because Brent always loved a good party and was always willing to host). The party was also a decoy for Adam and I to meet; clearly it worked. From the beginning, Brent has always been a huge part of our relationship, he was our dearest friend and a friend that we both shared before we even knew one another. So, when Adam proposed last year and we started planning our wedding, we immediately knew who would make the perfect officiant. Brent had the most charismatic spirit, he could command any room, he gave a toast at every event and he had the best humor and wit. And how amazing would it be to have our best friend marry us? He happily accepted our request and we know he was looking forward to being up there officiating our wedding this August. We know he'll be there though, and we'll save him a seat in the front row to make sure he has the best view while he watches the wedding of another couple (I know there's a lot of us) who he helped bring together with his amazing spirit. Bear with me for the next few days as I’ll be offline celebrating Brent’s amazing life. We’ll miss you friend. #LiveLikeBrent”

I’ve said it before and will say it again. Brent loved to bring people together. This past weekend, he brought a hell of a lot of people together. Caitlin and Adam’s wedding wasn’t your typical Catholic church country club wedding. It was probably THE furthest thing from that. With Caitlin’s very own wedding business, Clover Event Co., putting on over 30 weddings in 2017...I think it goes without saying that we knew she was going to truly outdo herself when it came to her own. And she did (okay, Adam too!). They created not only a wedding but an experience of a weekend called Camp Kuch.

My co-pilot, Amy, and I arrived in the Finger Lakes around lunch time on Friday. The weekend kicked off with a winery tour. I had NO idea how many wineries were in the Finger Lakes...it was crazy how many were right on top of one another. Our first stop was at Ryan William Vineyard. This vineyard was fairly new. When you walked into the tasting barn you could smell the wood and would’ve thought they just finished building the place yesterday. They had a small kitchen and seating area where some patrons were coming in just for lunch...which makes me think the food must be pretty good. Amy and I were early so we did a tasting, made friends with the vineyard kittens and then went outside enjoyed the view. It honestly felt like a crisp fall day. I would look out the window and expect to see the leaves changing. Apparently the summer weather in Ithaca is all over the place where you could have a cool fall like day like we had or have it be almost 90 degrees.

Caitlin, Adam and the rest of the gang showed up a bit later for a drink before heading to the next stop. Caitlin, a girl after my own heart, showed up in black to kick-off her wedding weekend. With such an amazing view of Seneca Lake I asked for a photo with the bride-to-be and Brent’s roommate, Ryan, who is also my roommate-to-be.

The next stop was Finger Lakes Distilling which ruled by the way. When we arrived, more of Adam’s college friends were there patiently waiting with drinks in hand. Since I was driving I stopped myself from ordering a flight of bourbons and whiskeys and opted for the cocktail tasting, ha. I had the Classic G & T: McKenzie Distiller’s Reserve Gin, Q Tonic + Lime, the FLX Mule: Vintner’s Vodka, Lime Juice + Ithaca Ginger Beer, the Blood Mary: Glen Thunder Corn Whiskey, Longbranch Bloody Mary Mix, Celery Bitters + Bacon Salt (MmMm, Bacon) and last but not least the Back Porch Tea: McKenize Bourbon Whiskey, Sweet Tea + Lemon...that last one went down a little too easy. Also, a quick FYI - the owner’s last name is McKenzie hence the name of liquors.

After spending close to an hour at the distillery we caravaned to the next stop on the list: Two Goats Brewing. Why Two Goats? “Because dobble bock means double bock. One of the German meanings for bock is ‘billy goat’.” Two Goats is described as a small town brewpub on Seneca Lake with good beer, good beef, good people and quite the view. It was a small spot but had an awesome deck and yes, it did have quite the view. You felt like you were in an old wooden barn. There was a loft above the bar which the bartenders accessed via a ladder. I took a break at this point to rehydrate not knowing how long the tour through the vineyards, breweries and distilleries would truly be. Matt and Erin showed up at this point with their baby girl, Fiona, who quickly stole the spotlight at the bar. She was curious, laughing, loving on her mom and dad. As I was holding Fiona at one point, she played with my clover necklace Caitlin had given her associates. All I kept thinking was that this girl will hands down break some hearts in the future with those baby blues she has. You could honestly drown in those blue pools of eyes.

After cooing over and playing with Fiona I hung out with Amy, Drew and Amanda. Drew and Amanda are two of Brent’s dear friends from back home and are expecting a baby this November. (Visiting them again in Syracuse in on my list for Tour de Brent) We sat at the bar and Drew decided that this place was a good spot to slap a Live Like Brent sticker up. I agreed and he placed one in the men’s room where other stickers had been placed. Brent would’ve really dug this brewery and the food. Fun fact...there is only one item on their food menu: a roast beef sandwich on a local homemade bun, homemade au jus and topped off with a mild creamy horseradish sauce. And yes, it was delicious.

The last stop on the tour was Wagner Vineyards Estate Winery. Another spot with a gorgeous view. It was massive. They had a winery and brewery onsite along with a cafe! Amy and I did another tasting before sitting out on the deck to enjoy the view with Drew and Amanda. Amanda looked so sweet just sitting there with the lake in the background I asked if I could take a photo. Then Drew immediately said, “LET ME GET A BELLY PIC.” After we asked one or two more times she gave in. It wasn’t long after before we decided we should pack up and begin the drive to Firelight Camps a.k.a. Camp Kuch.

When we arrived we checked in at the tented lobby in the center of the grounds. Amy and I were sharing a yurt with John who later called me at 3:30am trying to find said yurt with a suit and bottle of Johnny Walker black label in hand. Try waking up at that hour half asleep after a night of drinking and describing where you are in the middle of the woods. Our yurt was a platform tent, furnished with hardwood floors, a desk, 3 lanterns which were our only source of electricity (thankfully there was a USB outlet on the back of them for phone charging), a coat/clothing rack, luggage stand two night stands, two queen sized beds with heavy quilted blankets and rustic chic-inspired furniture. Oh, and there was a huge deck with chairs off the back that overlooked a trail in the woods. They were cozy. I for one, didn’t mind “glamping” at all. Heck, I love roughing it backpacking through the woods in the rain trying to set-up camp. But I’m pretty sure Amy said two or three times, “This bed is so comfy!” I do wish I took more photos than I did this weekend but I did take a photo of the outside of our yurt - thankfully Dan captured the interior of his and Dana’s single yurt for the weekend below along with Ryan’s double which was next door to mine!

After we checked in and settled in we changed and attended the welcome dinner in the middle of the camp grounds. They had an open bar, gourmet pizzas made onsite along with other delicious foods in the tents.We hung out, drank, caught up with our friends, walked around the camp grounds and then stumbled upon the bocce ball court. Never had I ever played bocce ball...and I will say I wasn’t terrible at it. Amanda and I played against Drew and Ryan. Ryan being a pretty legit bowler was also excited to play this game for the first time. Pictured below is what I like to call Bocce Ball Biff. Also, Ryan had a thing for power stances when posing for photos the entire weekend.

After we lost to the boys we went back to the bar, got another round of drinks and sat around the fire pit for hours into the night which turned into morning. At one point, Ryan in all of his glory started tapping his toe and bouncing his hips, points at me, and puts his hand out to dance. Feeling pretty good with the cider I’d been sipping all night, he twirls me once, twice, we dance, I say, “Your turn!”, he “graciously” twirls and...doesn’t stop. Ryan twirled again and fell over one of the wooden Adirondack chairs by the fire and laid there. It happened so fast...but not really. I cried. Tears of pure laughter. I couldn’t stop. Nobody else could stop laughing either. It hurt but it hurt so good. The Lobby Tent had an open bar all night until about 1am or so...things started to get fuzzy at that point. I have no idea what we did all of those hours around the camp fire that night. I remember laughing, chatting and trying to stay warm by the fire. It truly felt like fall that evening. As we faded, the night sky did as well. I went to bed bundled up listening to the sound of coyotes howling.

Saturday was wedding day. The group of us ate breakfast and got ready for the day ahead. I don’t know about you but the last wedding I went to I killed at least 4 episodes of ESPNs 30 for 30 from my hotel bed before heading to the ceremony. The great thing about Firelight Camp is that there are hiking trails, breweries, downtown Ithaca and things to do in the immediate area. So there wasn’t a need for a television. While our friends hiked and went out for lunch, Hannah and I worked on set up. We work with Caitlin for her company Clover Event Co. on other weddings and events so it was a no brainer to help her on her special day. Hannah and I spent the day setting up everything from the signage at the ceremony to decor and displays at the reception. It took 4 hours but that was because this wedding was well thought out...plus, the devil is in the detail. We had every single one covered...even if Caitlin did swing by to tweak! I consider myself a calm and even keeled person for events. I think what I love most about events is the internal anxiety that is immediately followed by relief from seeing the reaction to the event on everyone’s faces. It’s a weird roller coaster of emotions but satisfying.

By 3:30pm, I got ready and joined everyone for a quick drink before the ceremony. Danny was standing in the lobby tent with the boys tasting some beers he had picked up along his summer travels and he gave me a well deserved beer. Standing there I spotted Caitlin coming through the tent and begged for a quick photo knowing how tough it would be later in the evening to snag a selfie with her.

The guys and I made our way up the hill to where the ceremony was being held. A nice big green space with wooden benches and a custom wooden chevron patterned backdrop Adam made himself. I sat right behind “Brent” which was a bow tie he would’ve worn for the couple that day. Caitlin was absolutely stunning walking down that aisle and Adam never looked better standing there wearing his forest green suit and crooked smile he was trying to keep as a smirk. Ryan began the ceremony with mentioning that there would be no officiant at this wedding. He went on to explain the passing of Brent and how he had originally brought Adam and Caitlin together. I think everyone cries over Brent for different reasons. Yeah, ultimately it’s because his life was cut short. I found myself sitting there, sunglasses on, drinking my beer as I tried to keep the tears back. But I cried. I cried because it was such a sad way to start the wedding...the happiest day of Adam and Caitlin’s life together. I cried because their love is so fucking beautiful. I cried because Brent wasn’t there with me. I cried because there was a fucking bow tie sitting in front of me. Not Brent. I cried because a dragon fly showed up as Ryan wrapped up. That dragon fly hung out above Adam and Caitlin. That dragon fly sped off then hovered behind the groomsmen. I cried. Thank God for waterproof mascara.

The wedding continued. The couple exchanged vows they wrote themselves followed by haikus each had written for one another. It was beautiful. EVERYTHING was beautiful. Adam and Caitlin happened to both have a thing for haikus which is how Adam ended up prosposing to her. After the ceremony I found Ryan and gave him the biggest hug, told him he did a wonderful job, spoke beautifully and told him how much I loved him. He pulled back what seemed like to make sure he wouldn’t begin crying. I get it. But I could’ve held on for hours. We then went down to find some drinks and join the cocktail hour.

There was food, drinks, two poets on typewriters creating free custom haikus for guests, a cigar station, temporary tattoos with the Camp Kuch logo. Yes, they had their own logo for the weekend. The band, a folk/pop 5 piece band from Philadelphia called, Stella Ruze, started to play. I knew they were going to rock just from hearing them handle their mic checks during set-up. I would hands down pay money to go see them play here in the city. (Check them out!) Everyone was buzzing around the tents, fire pits and signing the guest book. This is the second time I’ve seen a Polaroid guest book and I love it. If I get married I will definitely have one at my wedding. I signed something along the lines of, “Congratulations! I don’t really know what to say sometimes. But this whiskey is for you. Cheers, Ais” Then had Josh take a photo of me tipping my drink towards the camera like Leonardo DiCaprio did in that one scene of The Great Gatsby. Then...some of us may have had a slight photo shoot session. Here’s one of my favorites from wayyyy later in the night of Amy, Amanda, Dana and myself.

We then went to find our seats at long banquet tables under the main tent. The speeches were made. Some were hilarious and some were touching. Brent was mentioned not once but several times throughout. Even if you didn’t know Brent walking into this wedding you most certainly knew who he was by the end of the night. I did have to get up and leave at one point. I went to the bar for another “East Sider” which was the bourbon cocktail for the evening. (Adam and Caitlin grew up on different sides of the valley in Northeast PA.) Hannah followed and got another drink with me. I told her I needed to go to my tent for a little and that I would be back. Honestly, I needed to check my waterproof mascara and just step away for a minute to reflect and process. I followed the winding gravel path back to my tent, number 7. I sat at the little desk, turned on the lantern, touched up my make-up, sat there and then stepped out onto the back deck looking into the woods as the sun was getting ready to set. I told Brent I missed him and wished he was there with me. After a couple of minutes in silence, I took a deep breath and went to go back to my seat as I was sure dinner was probably about to be served. As I stepped out from behind the yurt flap, I saw Hannah waiting there for me with her drink. I told her she didn’t have to wait for me and she gave me the biggest, tightest hug. We cried. She told me she doesn’t know what to do and how to take the pain away from me. Honestly, just hearing those words made me cry more than the fact that Brent wasn’t there. Just seeing Brent’s friends upset or reaching out to me is what gets to me sometimes. Just that they’re hurting or just for the simple fact that they care so much about me. It’s so touching it makes me grateful to the point where I just cry. After we got ourselves back together, checked one another’s make up, we went back to our seats.

Dinner was family style which rocked. I haven’t been to many weddings that have done this but it’s definitely a unique way to serve dinner. Josh and I somehow ended up losing Hannah and Amy. So I made Amy’s dish and Josh made Hannah’s. I started snapping photos which is a new thing for me. I was never one to pester for photos but after losing Brent I didn’t care. Take. The. Photo. You won’t regret it. And here’s Josh...with Hannah.

Amanda looked so cute in her dresses and baby bump all weekend I couldn’t not take photos of her. The food and conversation was great but once the band took the stage we all grabbed our drinks and hit the dance floor as the sun finally began to set.

P.S. - I LOVE this photo of Hannah. As the night went on, we danced and drank. I missed having Brent on the dance floor. That’s one thing we looked forward to at every wedding. Dancing. I’m extremely thankful that we were able to make Josh and Hannah’s wedding this past June to get a couple more dances in. Neither of us knew that they would be our last. But at one point Ryan came through the crowd and pulled me out for a song. More twirling happened. This time without any falls. Then the temporary tattoos were going everywhere. Hannah and Josh started placing tipi/yurts on my arm but I when Josh asked for one on the side of his neck. I said, “Sure, but let me roll with this.” Please note that this stayed on his neck through Monday. Also, Josh has nailed the “I’m not going to look at the camera and do an awkward gaze” pose a little too well.

The band covered everything from The Grateful Dead to The Lumineers. Caitlin had already told me a while back that they would play John Denver’s “Country Roads” for Brent. As soon as those first few chords played without hesitation, we all took one another, arm in arm, and started singing, “Almost heaven, West Virginia...” By the end of the song Caitlin was in tears. She grabbed me and told one another how much we loved each other and of course how much we wished Brent was there with us. As many of you probably know, any time “Country Roads” ended Brent and his buds would then begin a chant, “Eat shit Pitt! Eat Shit Pitt!” This was due to an old rivalry between West Virginia University and the University of Pittsburgh. So when the song concluded, I put my fist in the air and I chanted...And chanted...And chanted.

Then Adam came up to me and said, “Um Ais, you know my sister went to Pitt, right?” We laughed and I told him at the moment I just didn’t care. He gave me a big hug and told me how much he loved me. SO much lovin’ was going on this weekend. I of course told him how much him and Caitlin meant to me too. Brent’s friends keep tabs on me in different ways. Some of them will hit me up just checking in on what I’ve been up to and how I’m doing. Others will have me over for dinner. Adam texts me once in a while and reminds me he loves me and whether I like it or not he’s going to be in my life. I’ve had that said to me on multiple occasions, “You’re not getting rid of us.” or “I hope you know you’re not going anywhere.” And I know all of this. But keep the reminders coming because I appreciate hearing those words.

As the night went on our group ended up going back to Danny and Dana’s tent for “a night cap” before going back to our own yurts to hit the sheets. I snagged my favorite photo of the weekend. You can bet your money that it will end up framed in our apartment. Yes, it’s Ryan in another power stance.

As I’m trying to wrap up this post, I’m not sure the proper way to do so. I can go on about brunch the next morning and try to describe the weather and just keep telling you how beautiful it was. But on my drive back to Philadelphia with Amy I made a pit stop to see Brent. Dan and Dana had visited him the other week and left a Phish Baker’s Dozen Tour cup for him at his grave. Every time I stop by I play a song for him. As I took my #CampKuch koozie from the weekend out of my bag, I placed it on the cup and played “Farmhouse” by Phish. It’s my favorite Phish song and only one I really know. They played it at the first Phish show Brent took me to in the summer of 2016. I was stunned when I heard them play it.

Caitlin and Adam, I know you’ve probably heard this a thousand times already but your wedding weekend was stellar and picture perfect. Dan, Dana, Ryan, Koren, Drew, Amanda, Dave, John, Amy, Matt, Erin, Josh and Hannah...YOU guys are stellar. I love you. Brent loves you. I’m sure Brent is extremely thankful that I have you all. Please know that I am too.

Photo Credit: APGcollective, Caitlin Kuchemba, Dan Young Blood, Ryan Chmiola, Dave Koval

Please check out APGcollective’s dreamy photos from the weekend linked here!

#LiveLikeBrent #EmilyWrenPhoto #CampKuch #Wagner Vineyards #Firelight Camps #Ryan William Vineyard #FingerLakes Distilling #Two Goats Brewing #Glamping #Yurts #Camping #Ithaca #APGcollective #Phish #Bakers Dozen #The Grateful Dead #The Lumineers #Stella Ruze

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loveaningenue · 7 years

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TaCo Timeline 2012

Another fauxmance, another timeline. Taylor ‘dated’ Connor Kennedy, grandson of Robert Kennedy Sr. in summer 2012. Looked like summer love, was actually PR, but before I explain it, we need to see the timeline. (See more pictures by clicking the dates).

July 4, 2012: Taylor, Ashley Avignone, Dianna Agron celebrate the Fourth of July with Conor Kennedy, Patrick Schwarzenegger and others at Hyannis Port in Masachussets. Taylor is rumoured to be dating Patrick, but she ended up with Conor.

July 26, 2012: Taylor and Conor eat at Marcella’s Pizza in Mount Kisco, NY.

July 27, 2012: Taylor spends the day with Conor and his family in MA.

July 30, 2012: Taylor and Conor go on a boat ride in MA.

July 31, 2012: Taylor and Conor go on a boat ride in MA.

August 9, 2012: Taylor and Conor are seen in Nashville at BBQ.

August 12, 2012: Taylor spends the day with the Kennedys in MA.

August 13, 2012: We Are Never Getting Back Together Single Release and Taylor is rumoured to have bought a house near the Kennedy’s compound in MA, it is later confirmed. The media was going crazy with the news and it certainly didn’t make Taylor look sane. Also, we got one pic from Nashville.

August 17, 2012: Taylor and Conor kiss in MA. The pictures scream awkward, but eh. This is the first time she’s seen kissing a guy in public (excluding Taylor Lautner for Valentine’s Day).

August 18, 2012: Taylor, Conor and others go to the beach in MA.

August 19, 2012: Taylor and Conor spend time together in MA.

August 20, 2012: Taylor joins the Kennedys for their visit to Mary Kennedy’s grave in MA.

October 22, 2012: Red album is released.

October 25, 2012: Taylor and Conor Kennedy break-up rumours surface and are confirmed.

November 7, 2012: Taylor and Harry’s stunt start.

March 6, 2013: Taylor sells her house in MA after months of renovations.

General Conclusion Taylor’s summer love in 2012 that was actually really weird. Conor Kenedy was 17 when he met Taylor and 18 when they started dating just three days after his birthday (waiting for him to be legal). Taylor had an album on the way, but Conor Kennedy was basically unknown to the world. So why Conor?

Swiftie Side Conor was a short summer fling that had to end due to the age gap, but they had a ‘cute’ relationship nonetheless. Conor made Taylor ‘happy’ and it was sad to see them break up after just a few months together. He might have been the inspiration behind Everything Has Changed which shows how they relationship really was.

PR Side You’d think that if Conor was some unknown guy, there wouldn’t be any PR involved, but Taylor proved us wrong. Conor is a Kennedy, as in the family of John F. Kennedy. They had a compound in Masachussets and there was a property close to them that they wanted, but the person who owned it didn’t want to sell it to them, so in came Taylor swiftly and she bought the property in August. Taylor got a new ‘boyfriend’ to feed her fans with and the Kennedys got their property later, so the stunt was over well before the rumours surfaced in October. (She sold it to an unknown buyer who sold it to the Kennedys.) She made over 800k profit from it. Taylor was releasing Red around their break up so it got more attention.

N.B. Taylor was alledgedly involved with Dianna Agron throughout 2012, so Conor and Harry Styles were covers for her relationship as well as they were PR.

How It Went Down At first, people thought she was romantically linked with Patrick Schwarzenegger (about 18 at the time), but that didn’t work out so Taylor went with Conor.

A day after Conor’s birthday, the two started seeing each other. Taylor met the family the next day which is totally normal. Should I add that there are usually no paps in MA, let alone Hyannis Port/the Kennedys Compound. Also, most of the pictures taken were by a photography company that works with PR.

Their relationship consisted mostly of Taylor going to his house in MA so that they can have their pap shots. In Nashville, Taylor depended on her fans/people who recognized her to take pictures of them. They were seen 8 times in MA and 3 times in Nashville (+ 1 NY pic) in under 30 days.

The GP thought the age difference was weird and that Taylor was Kennedy-obsessed while fans of Taylor thought of it as a sweet and cute relationship.

The rumours of their break up came in Autumn as her new album was announced. People claimed that Taylor came off too strong and that the relationship wasn’t going like she wanted it to go.

My Thoughts One of her weirdest relationships to date. I’m not saying that it’s wrong for a woman to date younger man, but Conor was still in high school while she was on her way to 23.

Taylor never even mentioned Conor in any way, not even in her songs. Only Ethel Kennedy and Conor’s aunt inferred the relationship.

Not sure what Taylor’s team was trying to do, but it was one stupid mistake. She could have lived without that relationship that looked quite fake. It just makes me feel uncomfortable.

I have no other words for it, honestly.

Songs About Conor Red came out October 22nd, the rumours that they broke up circulated days later (just in time), but about three months since the start of their relationship. Though, the album should have been finished by August 13, so she didn’t have much time to write about it. (You can go all the way to July 4 to count their meeting). The ‘alleged’ songs about him are (in order of the Red album): - Treacherous - Stay Stay Stay - Everything Has Changed - Begin Again I’ll, one day, have a post about each song, but for now, I can say that Everything Has Changed (Liner Note: Hyannis Port) is not about him because it was written prior their meeting (in May).

The Aftermath Who even knows what they thought about each other. They never crossed paths again, nor did they ever mention each other while and after the relationship, so we are simply left with a two month PR stunt with no chemistry.

She quickly moved on with Harry, so their relationship was forgotten and rarely thought of after.

In conclusion, their relationship was weird, fortunately short, and for PR if you look at the facts. Whoever thought of the ‘ship’ name was either high or just joking, but people took them seriously.

Faker than Haylor? No, only Hiddleswift can compare to that.

This was amazingly short, so if I missed anything, feel free to add. Thanks for reading!

#TaCo #Bearding #Timeline #PR Stunt

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olymprii · 7 years

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well...

I’ve been on this hell site for an entire year now. It seems like so much has happened. I’ve become more immersed in many communities. I’ve met so many people along the way. I felt like going through my blog archive and putting a few highlights, things you might not know, stories, things forgotten, old art to show progression, etc.. Love you guys and thanks for being there for me, if for a day or a whole year <3

How it starte- Wait... What happened before I came here?

So it starts mostly like this: February 15, 2016 at 8:15 PM The last episode of Gravity Falls, my favorite TV show, has just ended. I am confused as to what to do from here. I have no running TV shows, no big games coming out in the near future. I plan that I’ll just be watching YouTube the rest of my days until I find something else to love. Not soon after, I watch PewDiePie’s first episode of Undertale and I LOVE this game. I need to see more. I watch Jack’s playthrough, start Dan and Phil’s, get disappointed that Mark didn’t finish more on this later, I’m glad he didn’t finish, and end up watching comic dub compilations, fan made things. I find out that most of this comes from this Tumblr website. I’d heard it mentioned before in some videos on YouTube. I make my account.

Tried URL’s: Khylea-03 didn’t like it This-is-my-name it was taken Idk where the heck my now URL came from... Just liked it

March 21- First post!

First five followed blogs: @askerrorsans (it’s dead, I respect CQ’s decision tho!!) @therealjacksepticeye, @markiplier, @danisnotonfire, @amazingphil

Art this month: (x)

April

April 6th- Met my first online friends! Sadly, I am not in contact with them very much anymore

Art this month: (x)(x)

May

I had to leave the group of friends online because it wasn’t “a safe chatting website”

May 28- Started watching Steven Universe

No art this month

June

I actually posted a lot, but nothing happened

No art this month

July

This month I met most of my friends. I knew quite a few people, but the first one I remember interacting with is @sorasprings. We met because of Burger King commercials.

I also met @catsofwar108, @cookielovesanime332, @straight-up-insane, and a few others through an amazingly awful movie called The Adventures of Chris Fable. I’ll have to show you guys the movie one day!

I started doing some digital art! The first app I got didn’t have layers so everything in my first piece is awful :(

(Good) Art this month: (x)

August

August 9th - @gatormeister added me to the spam fam, which is a skype group of me and A LOT of people that I am now friends with. They include @gevoth-ski, @okaythenart, @xxlukemavxx, @zelda7999, @senpaiweird, @spaghettiskeleton78, @yuuki-clyde, @jemkaneki, @rainbowchu3, @goddessofundertale, and waaaaay too many more (there’s 55 participants, but we’re never all on at once).

Art this month (x)(x)(x)(x)(x)

September

Wade’s proposal to Molly was the sweetest at the Mark and Friends panel (I may have cried and freaked out a little. These streams keep surprising me)

Undertale’s anniversary came around on the 15th, and I made this (really late)

Sora’s (mentioned earlier) birthday came around and I did a draw your squad for her birthday with the then other youngest spam fam members, who turned out to be the two I now feel closest to :D

Other art this month: (x)(x)(ft. my face)

October

One of the videos that made it into a try not to laugh that Mark made I had seen before, along with the pregnant mispronunciation video (which I found on YouTube here).

HALLOWEEN!!! I went as Mabel from Gravity Falls

And we all know who else showed up this month.... Anti! I took my own form of Anti and made Away, a dark version of myself, which I tried to make as stereotypically dark as possible and used heavy Zalgo font.

Art this Month: (don’t ask what this was)(pic)(you have to scroll to see this)(pic)(x)(x)(away is talking ok)

November

When I think of November, this is what comes to mind (a) (b) (c)

I found and constantly started watching Ethan (CrankGameplays for those who don’t know) and he has made my life so much better, love him nO MATTER HOW MUCH HE SAYS HE ISNT COOL. Also, my top three/four posts on this bkig are of him so that’s a thing?? More detail on this subject in a soon to come post :)

Art this month: (x)(x)

December

CHRISTMAAAAS that-that’s it

No, but really a good month for the last one

There was the Revelmode livestream (this is the only thing I have from it), which in total raised 1.3 Million dollars, I believe, for charity! On that Saturday, it overlapped with Ethan’s 12-hour livestream for the AbleGamers charity It was an...experience, to say the least. It was the first time I got to know Brian and G, I heard an angel that I recorded, which in turn gave me two pretty popular posts, and had so much fun for the time I was there. This is also where Tyler pied Ethan in the face, Ethan got too scared to wax his leg and had to get Kathryn for support, where Brian started “backflip into Tyler’s ass,” and a lot of stuff that I missed.

Mark finished his Undertale livestreams and I have this moment saved in eternity from then. I remember staying up until later than they planned for it to end because the game took so long to finish.

Cursed Image and The Truth combined (x)

Art this month: (x) (x) (x) (x)

Sadly, I do not have enough time before the day is over to review the last few months and go over milestones, followers, etc.. Tomorrow, I will make sure to continue this post with all the unmentioned. Love you all, and thank you for a whole year of crazy and more to come <3

#unfinished #love you all #thanks so much #ill finish #believe me #there's a lot more where this came from #sorry got to sleep #and post before the day is over #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #see ya soon

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jim-reid · 6 years

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Stoned and Dethroned

Melody Maker 16.07.1994

The Jesus and Mary Chain are back with a new single and a 17-track album which they recorded during "one long, bad dream". Now, restored to sanity and confident that they've made "a good record", the Mary Chain's William Reid (left in pic) has been talking about the trials and tribulations of the recording sessions. The band went into the studio in January 1993, after spending most of the previous year on the road, taking in the Lollapalooza tour. "That was the worst experience of our lives," William told us this week.. "We had to play something like 40 dates over two months or something. By the second gig, we realised we'd made a mistake, and we had another thirty-something gigs to play to thousands of Beavises and Buttheads. We got f***ing drunk out of our heads every day, just trying to forget it. But you can't. We just shouldn't have been there. That f***ed us up for a long time, it f***ed up our thought processes." The Mary Chain followed on with another tour, with Curve and Spiritualized, and went on to the studio in the New Year. "The record took us from January to November to record, and we have never taken that long," said William. "We expected to to be any longer than three months, four at the most." "I think me and Jim (Reid, his brother) had kinda nervous breakdowns, collective breakdowns, and then everything took longer. We were just so exhausted, just so depressed, about the whole thing, making this record." "There were times when we thought it was just a piece of shit, just not knowing if it was any good, maybe letting somebody hear something and if they weren't totally ecstatic about it, we'd just go home depressed. I think the hardest thing in the world is to make a good record." "We kinda lost faith in ourselves, but after it was finished, we re-found the faith. It was just like one long, bad dream, and at the end of it, we had a pretty decent reord." The album, "Stoned And Dethroned", is produced by the Reid brothers and released by blanco y negro on August 15. It was originally intended as an acoustic album, and is still widely referred to to as such, although it didn't eventually end up quite that way. "Me and Jim were going to go into the studio and make a record in four weeks, an acoustic record," said William. "We had all the songs that sounded as if they could work acoustically. We kept playing more and more stuff, but then it started to feel like we were compromising it, like we were in danger of making an acoustic record just cos we'd told everybody we were. We've used a lot of acoustic guitars on it, but there's other stuff too. You just put the sounds on you think fit. If a fuzz bass is needed, then that's what's needed. We just made the record." "It kinda changed from conception to birth. It just became a different record. I don't know what inspired it." "We've left ourselves open for people to say 'They've softened' and all that crap. This record doesn't sound like Ministry, but we know it's a good record." The album features lead vocals from guests Shane MacGowan on "God Help Me" and Mazzy Star's Hope Sandoval, trading verses with Jim Reid on "Sometimes Always", which is released as a single on July 18. "One of the plans on this record in the very beginning was that maybe me and Jim weren't even goign to sing on it," said William. "We'd have 10, 12 songs with a bunch of people we liked. But somewhere along the line, it semed like a bad idea, and we thought we'd do it with Shane and Hope cos we just liked their music, we knew they'd fit in, and they did." Of the collaboration with Hope, William said: "I wrote this song that sounded to me like Lee Hazelwood and Nancy Sinatra. We'd known Hope since she was in Opal, back in 1987. We always liked her voice. We asked her years ago to be on one of the records, but there was never as song that suited. Then this one came along and it just felt right. At first, I felt maybe it was just a bit too cute or whatever, too light a story. But when we recorded it, Hope and Jim sang and they just transcended it." "I think we got her to sing differently from her Mazzy Star voice, which is a brilliant voice, but this was a different type of song, more up-tempo, and it worked." MacGowans's vocal on "God Help Me" is unusually subdued. "Some people wondered if it was Jim singing in a different style," said William. "We did two versions of the song, the one you've heard and another one where he was singing in a more Poguesy way. I'm not sure which one Shane actually prefers, but I think in the long run, he'll prefer the quiter one. I feel good that maybe we've got him to sing in a different way, although it's still his way." The album was named "Stoned And Dethroned" by Jim Reid. William: "I think it's because in the past few years, we've felt like we've been shit upon by a lot of people, people who seem to feel like we made 'Psychocandy' and then did nothing else. In fact, we made pretty good records." "The working title of this record was 'Psychocandy II'." "People treat us so differently in America and Europe. Sometimes when your record gets reviewed here, it's reviewed in the context of what bullshit's happening this week." "I don't think we're paraniod, but I feel like maybe in 10 years time when this group's finished and done with, people can see what we've done without being influenced by people wearing baggy trousers that year. Sometimes you just get pissed off with fashions interfering with the appreciation of your music." The Mary Chain's ongoing dislike of the music industry is reflected on LP tracks such as "Hole". Elsewhere, according to William, the lyrical content varies from autobiography to observation to fiction. "Feeling Lucky" and "Save Me" are "confessional", "Between Us" is William's true-life story about a relationship breaking up and "Till It Shines" is a love poem. "These Days" is another song from William's diary, during a happy perod of his life. The country and western-flavoured "I wish I could" is fictional, as is "Girlfriend" - "It's about a couple of f***-ups and one of them decides he's not a f***-up any more." "Bullet Lovers" is an observational song, about drive-by killers in America. "I was in LA a couple of years ago," explaied William. "I was watching the morning news show. It was bizarre. There were two guys on, being interviewed without any masks or disguises, and they were drive-by killers. I was lying in bed having breakfast, just stunned by this, and I was thinking, This is live, the police could be on their way there to get you, you dumb motherf***ers. One of them, when he shot people, his girlfriend got so horny, and then they'd go off somewhere and f***." "I suppose they could have been making it all up, but they looked like the real thing to me." "Never Saw It Coming" and "Everybody I Know" are both about death. "I've written about 20 songs about dying and death, and I'll probably writing another 50," said William. "I don't think a day goes by without me thinking about dying. It's very important." "Human beings are the only animals who klnow they're going to die. Every other animal thinks they're just going to eat and shit all day, and f*** and hunt. We've got minds, not just brains. We know there's an end. Right now we're dying. One day dying will turn into death. "I don't want to seem like the only thing that goes through my mind is death and dying. It's not like that. But it does intrigue me. It amazes me that everybody is going to die and yet the subject is almost taboo. I've been at parties and people are talking about this and that, and I'll be bringing up the subject and all of a sudden, I'm the party pooper, and I realise nobody wants to talk about it. I do." The Mary Chain are off to play in America in October, but there are no plans for any live appearances in this country. William: "I don't want to f*** up my mind and my body too much and touring does that to you. As far as the UK is concerned, we may turn up here and there unexpectedly, unannounced, but as for tours and things, I don't think so."

#interview

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squatchdetective · 4 years

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ALERT: Peek–a–boo Bigfoot a hoax, but not why you think!

Aside from this horrible pandemic racing across the country, there has been this posting of a series of pictures across the internet by a man claiming to be “Scott Yeoman” from Bailey, Colorado of a Sasquatch peeking through his living room window.

Two of the series of pictures

The pictures themselves have only to my knowledge been provided via social media, and according to Yeoman are pictures of a computer screen of an alleged video source shot on August 24th, 2017. However despite in mid March this year posting the pictures in Facebook groups the pictures, nor any content appeared on his Facebook page for 2017.

As I have stated in the past a piece of evidence is only as good as the story behind it and Yeoman provided one on the Facebook Group he posted the pictures to:

“Ok so here’s the story with my photos… So, we (my wife and I) bought 11 acres of land in Bailey Colorado we built a foundation of cinder block that is 3’6" above the ground. The land is mostly hard pack dirt and large rock which I shared a video of when we bought it. After we moved a modular home there, we lived off and on there for 2 years while we got it ready for permanent residency.

In August of 2017 we were finishing the interior of the back of the house and I came into the living room and caught a whiff of a VERY harsh odor in the room. It smelled like rotting animal flesh, vomit, and excrement. I caught glimpse of something moving outside the window from the corner of my eye. We have had bears visit pretty regular but the tried to get under the house, not in it. But when I see the figure by the window, I thought a bear had somehow climes up to the window.

I take a lot of wildlife pictures because they literally come up to the outside of it like mule deer, Elk, Bear, haven’t seen any mountain lion, and other small game. I have quite a few feral cars all over my property, but they aren’t mine. But they hang out a lot. Anyway… I saw the top of the head and that caught my attention. It moved closer and I see it eyes were freaking huge and it scared me because bear eyes aren’t that large or far apart. I always have a camera handy to get a good shot of the elk that come extremely close to the house. When I realized it wasn’t a bear?

Fear struck me hardcore. I used a cheap kodak sport digital camera for taking pics and for the most part it takes fast action pictures/ video. It was on the end table next to my recliner approximately 6 ft. from the window. When I pointed it at the window it stopped swaying and closed it eyes as if it was child… "You can’t see me if my eyes are closed".

So, shaking and trying to video at the same time I moved back a step and it slowly moved from one side of the window to the other. It was seriously about a 10 min video, but it was on a 1" x 1 1/2" and card which had to be downloaded on my computer. It didn’t make any attempt to enter the house or run away.

About 8 minutes in my wife came into the room and asked me what I was doing. I told her there’s something outside and it ain’t no bear. When she looked over my shoulder she screamed "what is that thing!" And ran back to the bedroom. I stopped the video, went to the closet and grabbed my 40 caliber off the closet shelf. When I turned back around, it was moving away from the window. I wasn’t going to shoot at it if it tried to get in which it didn’t do. I went to my wife who was freaking out and tried to answer her bombardment of questions and after reassuring her that everything was ok.

She called the sheriff’s department and the sent 3 deputies to check out the property. Their conclusion was most like a bear or other wildlife. Until I showed them the playback. When they reviewed it two of the three were impressed and the third was like it’s a bear.

Anyway, the rest of the night was uneventful and peaceful other than my panicking wife. She ended up having my daughter and her husband come get her and took her to Golden for a couple of days. I downloaded this video on my computer at my mother’s house because she has internet access and I didn’t. Long story short my mother’s house burnt down on a fire we had out here last year.

We have seen it at a distance every now and then in the darkness by the fire light, not the body, but eye shine. And that’s pretty creepy too. But haven’t had any incidents of a destructive nature so I decided to just be cautious when I’m walking my property. I do carry my .40 cal always outside… Just in case. But haven’t had to pull it from my holster. I see signs where he’s broke branches on trees that I can’t reach on a 6′ ladder. And occasionally he’ll move things around. Most signs we see were always after we left and came back home. There’s the story behind the photos…. I hope people can find something in here to benefit them if they are dealing with one too.”

Originally I was going to point out what is behaviorally wrong with the story such as why didn’t he let his wife know what is going on from minute one? But developments in the research lead to more definitive things.

In trying to verify where Mr. Yeoman lives to properly verify via FOIL the proper sheriff’s department for their report as Mr. Yeoman claims some things came to light which not only proved the story to be false, but also a community alert.

Debunking Yeoman

1. “So, we (my wife and I) bought 11 acres of land in Bailey Colorado…”

This is where the search began. And in actuality Mr. Yeoman did not purchase any land in Bailey, CO. more matter to the fact he lives in Golden, CO in this neighborhood. In fact we learned that “Scott Yeoman” is in actuality, Jonathan Scott Yeoman born in 1966.

2. “About 8 minutes in my wife came into the room and asked me what I was doing”

Mr. Yeoman’s wife passed away in 2012. She was born in Kokomo, IN on September 10, 1961. Born, Angela Ann Croddy in Kokomo, IN. Her place of death was Lasalle, CO on December 18, 2012.

Who has ties to Kokomo, IN, Mr. Yeoman’s real name, Jonathan Scott Yeoman.

Mind you this is well after his alleged Bigfoot “Peeper”.

In fact there are memorials to his wife on his Facebook profile.

I am saddened that Yeoman would have to experience a premature death of his spouse, but since he brought his wife into it… we have to mention it. On her memorial Facebook page it appears any photo reference to Yeoman has been removed including a crop of her in a wedding dress.

We also know from his Facebook profile he was seeing a woman in Kokomo, IN as late as 2018 as well.

Yeoman 2018 in Kokomo, IN

3. “I stopped the video, went to the closet and grabbed my 40 caliber off the closet shelf…”

According to Colorado Revised Statutes (C.R.S) 8-12-108 a felon cannot possess a weapon. This would include any type of gun or crossbow for hunting or any other purpose.

That’s right, Mr. Yeoman is a felon. Arrested in 1992 for CHILD MOLESTATION in Howard County, Indiana. Kokomo, IN is in Howard County.

From the Indiana DOC website.

Yeoman was giving one day shy of 6 years and was released early on September 30th, 1994 after serving 2.5 years.

(Left) Looking rough for a booking photo, date unknown. (Center & Right) Facebook posts.

Yeoman had another encounter with the law, for harassment on November 22nd, 2008 in Jefferson County, Colorado. (Golden, CO is in Jefferson County.)

Summation

Clearly there is a precedent here with disclosing a bit more personal information than on some hoaxes. That is because hoaxes end results are usually harmless or financially motivated. We have a sex offender who preys upon children, so I have to drive home the point. When a person who preys upon children, (And I don’t care how long ago) begins to show clear signs of dishonesty it should make us question why. And in this case I am too scared to speculate.

The community needs to boot this guy starting yesterday!!!!

Till Next time,

Squatch-D

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#IFTTT #WordPress

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thecloudlight-blog · 7 years

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New Post has been published on Cloudlight

New Post has been published on https://cloudlight.biz/dornoch-man-had-thousands-of-pornographic-photos-on-computer/

Dornoch man had thousands of pornographic photos on computer

A DORNOCH photographer had hundreds of pornographic baby pictures on his computers and photographs of a family on a beach with a young boy wrapped in a towel exposing his private components Inverness Sheriff Court docket heard today.

Stephen Marrable, in keeping with police, changed into unemployed but deputy economic Roderick Urquhart said at the net they found he seemed to run a commercial enterprise referred to as Tittle Tattle Photography offering services for a ramification of clients but describing himself usually as a panorama photographer.

The 51-year-old these days admitted downloading snapshots of younger boys and ladies, ownership of indecent pics of children and extreme pornography depicting acts of bestiality.

The offenses were devoted among August 2012 and may 2016 at his home in Stafford Road.

Mr. Urquhart told Sheriff David Sutherland that in May 2016 police obtained data that a tool at Marrable’s domestic had accessed indecent pix and a seek warrant changed into performed.

Marrable instructed police no longer to take his mom’s PC as there has been not anything on it.

but he brought: “You’ll find stuff on mine.”

Police searched the residence and took ownership of diverse computer systems from his bedroom, a computer room and a downstairs bedroom.

One PC tower contained 37 photographs ranging from Class A to Class C of youngsters elderly among four and 15 years.

A 2nd tower laptop, while forensically tested, showed 749 indecent thumbnail photographs of young boys and ladies inside the identical age variety and a Sony Computer laptop had almost 1700 photographs which have been on hand and over one thousand which have been now not available.

Six videos have been additionally recovered from this laptop.

A CD case with 27 discs contained 4225 indecent images and another container of discs contained adults involved in sexual activities with animals.

An in addition 38 DVDs were recovered and contained documents with indecent photographs of children.

Certainly, one of them entitled “seaside Candid” became created on August 16, 2012, and analysis set up that the photographs were captured the use of a Canon Eos 40D digicam and contained the text “remarkable” inside the filename.

Mr. Urqhart said: “They contained a number of snapshots of a circle of relatives – a person, a female, younger ladies and a young boy on a seaside.

Both My Husband And I Had Affairs – Is A Separation The Best Option

I occasionally hear from folks who are coping with an infidelity situation this is doubly troubling due to the fact each spouse have cheated on one another. Which means that there are actually two sets of problems to work through and to get over. And it is able to make an already volatile scenario nearly insufferable.

I heard from a spouse who stated: “my husband cheated on me first. I think my own dishonest become in retaliation. However, we created for the duration of the span of about six weeks aside so the pain from the infidelity may be very fresh for each of us. We can not seem to engage without finishing up yelling at each other. It’s very hard for us to be inside the same room. It’s the type of weird that we are each so irritated due to the fact we are each guilty of the exact same element. I wish we should just agree that due to the fact that we both made mistakes, then we’ll simply start over with an easy slate

But this doesn’t seem to be possible for us.

The final night, my husband cautioned that perhaps one of us have to move out so in an effort to be separated. I’m now not sure if this is going to be a terrific concept. On the only hand, we probably do need a spoil from one another. However, on the other hand, I worry that if we separate, our marriage is probably over. As irritated as I’m at him, I don’t think that I want to end my marriage. Is it nice to just separate for some time when each human cheated?”

This is a difficult question because there are execs and cons to isolating while infidelity has made matters so unstable. in the following article, I will talk the professionals and cons and I will also advocate a compromise.

The Advantages Of separating After each people Have Cheated: As the wife suspected, there are a few Benefits to residing apart after mutual infidelity. The primary is that taking a destroy can assist with the volatility. it can allow time for matters to calm down in order that eventually progresses made be made.

Thousands Of Galaxies Are In The Dark

Strange gadgets lurk in our bizarre Universe, hiding secretively in bewitching darkness, making themselves difficult to peer. Darkish galaxies are just such mysterious items, that could disguise themselves very well in our Universe’s most secretive locations due to the fact they haven’t any, or very few, stars to shed light on their shadowy, ghostly presence. However, they still may monitor themselves if they host big portions of obtrusive gasoline. Indeed, seeing that 2015, astronomers have managed to find out literally heaps of these very faint, phantom-like systems concealing themselves within and around several clusters of galaxies. How those Extraordinary systems are born remains a tantalizing puzzle to be solved. In November 2016, a team of researchers proposed that extreme periods of big name-birth, in addition to blast waves created in the wake of supernova explosions, could be the culprits that made those dim galaxies switch off their stellar lighting fixtures.

Not all galaxies are vivid with the glowing flames of a myriad of stars. Certainly

Astronomers have lately found many extraordinarily faint, diffuse galaxies, with too few stars to light their outstanding galactic fires. However, how those faint galaxies came to be isn’t precisely acknowledged. They will be a completely new and surprising kind of galaxy that challenges current theories approximately how galaxies are born–or, instead, they is probably galactic nonconformists that commenced out exactly just like the ho-hum herd of galaxies we’re familiar with, however, skilled a sea-alternate as a result of being formed with the aid of their environment into systems that journey to the beat of a distinctive drum. As soon as astronomers stated their observations of the primary series of Dark galaxies early in 2015 which–like footprints in the snow–pointed them within the direction of where to hunt, they started discovering Dark galactic denizens in a big number of nearby galaxy clusters. In only a little over a yr, astronomers went from understanding of none to understanding of over a thousand of those Odd beasts, inhabiting the galactic zoo.

The newly located treasure trove of Darkish galactic denizens of the Cosmos offers an interesting mystery to be solved. Any galaxy as big as our personal Milky Manner has to be able to conveniently give a start to a host of lovable stellar babies. However, it is nonetheless Now not acknowledged how massive the Darkish galaxies sincerely are. Perhaps these ghostly structures are galactic failures–just as large as our personal Galaxy–that were mysteriously disadvantaged of the capacity to create lovely superstar-babies. as a substitute, the Dark galaxies can be mild-weights which have been stretched skinny, like a blob of tugged-on taffy, via either external or inner occasions. In either case, with so few stars, Darkish galaxies ought to possess great amounts of invisible rely upon as a way to face up to being ripped aside via the cruel gravity exerted through another close by galaxies.

Tips To Protect Your Computer During Professional Transit

Professional motion from one place to any other requires being performed with numerous care and attention a good way to guard the precious assets against getting destroyed for the duration of such a transit. At the same time as there may be many essential items on your place of job, special care has to be taken while you percent your laptop due to the fact even a minute physical shock all through transit may bring about an everlasting mechanical failure of this device.

Mentioned beneath are some pointers to shield your PC towards damage.

The number one problem While transporting your laptop is to at ease the organization’s data. Make certain to copy the statistics from the floppy disk to program disks which can be securely saved in lock bins or every other sturdy field. The power door ought to be closed securely after making sure that no aren’t any diskettes within it. Putting a cardboard as an alternative would prove to be an amazing idea.

The satisfactory packing making material to your computer will be the authentic Styrofoam cowl wherein the PC turned into packed originally. But, do not worry in case you do not have that handy. every other proper-fitting field or packing material could help you percent your PC securely.

The printer needs to also be packed appropriately which could be great completed within the original foam field. If if you have a laser printer, Make certain to put off the cartridge to keep away from unfavorable the laser engine with the ink. inside the case of a pin printer, you may comfortable the pin head via Putting a sheet of paper.

At the same time as transport, you’ll shut down your Pc and eliminate all of the cables.

In case you aren’t certain approximately the connections taking notes about which cables is going in which would prove to be an awesome concept.

The reveal is the most fragile a part of the computer. Thus, take special care While packaging this component. To save it from scratches and cracks Make sure you percent this element within the original Styrofoam field handiest.

Your CPU in conjunction with the motherboard have to additionally be positioned in a correct manner While packing the gadget. The CPU should be located upright at the motherboard on its side and care ought to be taken to ensure that it’s miles transported in that manner simplest otherwise it might loosen a few cards within.

As a consequence, to keep away from the lack of capital in the course of transport Make sure you train your Expert movers to follow these easy steps on the way to keep away from the even minimum amount of damage.

Originally posted 2016-08-28 03:02:55.

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