#I needed a real break

[marmastry]

Birthday Present

#this is a little late maya bday comic haha #I was working on polymer clay jibbitz last week #and I kinda ban myself from touching any pen to stop me from drawing lol #I needed a real break #I hope this little warm up is enjoyable haha #moomers #mayamaya #hasahasa #fancomics #splatoon oc #splatoon 3 #hasamaya

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[newttxt]

crisis of disbelief

#one piece #trafalgar law #zoro #luffy #‘what ship is this’ sure #lulaw? luzo? law…zo? or is it zolaw. none of these sound like words anymore #well i guess bc they aren’t. they aren’t real words #‘law and zoro never really saw gear 5’ yeah. law saw his giant head in the roof and zoro was basically dead #they felt That tho #and finally #‘i thought you were taking a much needed rest break after weekly comics’ #yeah well. i need a new brush bc my old one kills my wrist and there is a STEEP learning curve for me :// #it’ll get easier right. it’ll look better right. RIGHT?!

[egophiliac]

still absolutely losing my mind over Lilia

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #sebek: wow we're so lucky to see lilia-sama at his fighting prime. so commanding! so powerful! #lilia: (straight up stuffs a frog in his mouth without breaking eye contact) #seriously though i did not think it was possible for me to enjoy lilia even more. and yet. #'dragon eggs need love in order to hatch' #ten year old me: gasp. i knew it. #the IMPLICATIONS though! #forget true love's kiss we have true love's baby dragon over here #also twst. twst please. i do feel i need to call you out a little bit on malleus' age #i don't really have a problem with it i was just. surprised. #i mean i GUESS the description of dragon ages was vague enough that malleus being under 200 doesn't inherently contradict it #it could've been clearer okay :( #that said it is true that the younger malleus is the more hilarious his whole world-weary immortal schtick is #'ah...you are all as infants in comparison to me. ' - malleus (age 19) #also lilia being a foundling does explain him not knowing his real birthday. so i will forgive (1) birth-related shenanigan. #auuuugh the parallels between lilia and silver #brb i need to go roll around on the ground and mutter to myself for a while

[finsterwalds]

finished watching brba today

#walter white #saul goodman #mike erhmantraut #gustavo fring #breaking bad #brba #im not okayyy this was the best series therell never be anything like it but i need to recover before bcs lol #i hate walt as a person but i love him as a character unfortunately #i miss mike real bad i hope he comes back soon in bcs #my art #fanart

[ruubesz-draws]

Kong, getting ready to fight Scar King:

Sorry not sorry

Kong after fighting Scar King, Shimo and the other apes:

Poor fella needs a break...

*Spoiler for JJK below*

I feel bad cos I was laughing so hard whilst drawing this

#godzilla #godzilla x kong: the new empire #kong #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #gojo satoru #jjk spoilers #nah id win #kong really probably said that #before he got his ass whooped #by Scar King #Shimo #and other apes #poor fella #needs a break #for reals #please let him rest gosh #ngl i did kinda laugh whilst drawing this #sorry not sorry #hehehjkwhbcfkjNDSvj #don't judge meeee #do not repost #my art

[koldefingre]

I actually love him, this is not a drill.

#kevin day #aftg #all for the game #aftg fanart #autistic Kevin day is real #he just like me fr #he needs a break #and probably a therapist #neil josten #the foxhole court #andrew minyard #some day he gets to just be soft #and i love that for him

[valentimmy]

the loser (+some doodles)

#im on break now so I can draw and be silly again 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 #timmy draws stuff #fanart #digital art #my art #ff7 #ffvii #sephiroth #genesis rhapsodos #vincent valentine #hojo #the Vincent and Hojo one is a wip but I hope it becomes a real scene I want that old man to get JUMPSCARED #in my head . sephiroth is a catboy but hes also like a little bird idk how to explain #he’s a goofy little creature and I need to find out why he’s Like That that’s why I draw him sm (autism) #also I think this is the first time I’ve drawn genesis #idk why he looks so mad but he would be Pissed I think. No reason

[duhsty1]

hey, whos robto is that

fnaf help wanted 2 real

#fnaf help wanted 2 real #fnaf help wanted 2 #HELLO #sorry its been 1000 million years I needed a bit of a break #saw the silly in the silly game and I had to draw him #hes dumb #and boyfriend sized #daycare attendent #fnaf sundrop #sun fnaf #sundrop #id in alt text #sorry I haven't done an id in a while so it's probably shit #fnaf help wanted 2 spoilers #scribbles #help wanted 2

[gunsatthaphan]

give them their romcom you cowards 😤

#firstkhao #firstkhaotung #first kanaphan #khaotung thanawat #gmmtv #first really said TE and OF were fun but I need a break lmao #i wanna do a comedy but font forget the romantic part!!!!111!!!!! #and hes so real for that #his voices told him to add the romantic #I NEED to see them in something ridiculous we all know they would kill it #like they always do #the world needs it #its me im the world #imagine something that combined the crack of THCT and the shipper #we would die #i would kill for something like that #also like I appreciate the rawness of only friends so much but like #i cannot stress enough how much I miss their soft hours as akkaye like #the cute smiles and the stares the hugs the little kisses and the popsicle moments #I miss those so so so much #so I need those back desperately #cuz i dont think we will ever get that in OF lmao #which is fine #but like I need it #please 🥺 #give them something fluffy to heal my soul

[bylerserotonin]

GA: We want to see these characters going through trauma! Look what they’ve been through! It’s unrealistic for them not to have PTSD!

Jonathan: Turns to drugs as a coping mechanism because of the trauma from the his abusive father, his brother “dying”, dealing with the Upside Down, watching Will get possessed and exorcised, stabbing his coworker in the throat, etc.

Mike: Pulls away from everyone, acts like an “asshole” and rebels because he had to watch his best friend disappear and almost die over and over again, watched his new friend basically obliterate, fought against the Mindflayer, and is going through intense internalized homophobia during the height of AIDS.

Will: Breaks down and destroys Castle Byers because he’s lost his childhood to the Upside Down, had to survive that hellhole for an entire week, got possessed, and then had to watch the love of his life fall for someone else and basically replace him while actively hating himself for that love. He just wants to go back to being normal, but he can’t.

GA: NO NOT LIKE THAT!! Jonathan is useless! Mike is such an unlikeable character! Will is a crybaby!

EDIT: HOLY SHIT 3k?? THANK YOU SO SO MUCH!

#Pick a side guys! #Stop romanticizing all of this! #Real trauma IS ugly #Jonathan byers #mike wheeler #will byers #stranger things #byler #mike wheeler i know what you are #They all need to catch a break #Jancy #jonathan x nancy

[iphigeniacomplex]

breaking my silence on chess the musical to say that i would literally not give a fuck about this show if i thought it was good or fully successful at what it is saying. SORRY! i love how messy she is. i love how since 1984 and continuing to this very day people with entirely different perceptions of and opinions on the musical have attempted in their own ways to "make it good" by creating all these different versions with like notably different plots, characterization, and song order, and i love how fucking bad the vast majority of these are despite it all. i hope people keep trying to fix chess the musical forever and until the end of time. i hope no one ever figures it out. i want every currently living theatre director in existence to make their own version and for all these versions to come out on broadway at the same time, making that year's musical season entirely comprised of various different versions of the cold war chess musical by tim rice and half of abba. i want not only our greatest minds but also our middlest-of-the-road and worst minds to come up with their own conclusions as to why chess does not entirely work in its original form or any subsequent forms like to really think about it and yes i do want someone to dedicate their entire life to perfecting chess by releasing version after version after version until they die peacefully but still, as always, in the grips of obsession. i want marriages to be broken up. i want mental states to be shattered. i dream of this world

#it speaks! #ive said this on another platform but i dont like using that platform none of my friends are there. so you all get the expanded version. #pearl's chess rant: deluxe edition. and im not even finished. #i want at least one intrepid director to do what ppl do with shakespeare and set it in a completely different era -> #<- & change the central political conflict but not enough so its still like. well now this is about medieval feudalism why is it also -> #<- still about a chess proxy war ... that just makes no sense. it just doesnt make sense ........ #'breaking my silence on chess the musical' sam knows i think about it still. but for the purposes of public appearance. you understand. #chessposting #chess the musical #<- real ones know i rarely maintag but i want all seven active chess fans to see this bc i need their insights

[iriscasefiles]

today i finished scripting a first draft of the final episode of starship iris. this means i now have a rough draft of the whole final season.

...i was gonna say something about needing to process my emotions by lying down on my floor for a while but it's night now and probably what i should do is process my emotions by sleeping.

#i started writing this show in 2015 #a year which no longer quite seems real to me #to be clear this thing still needs to be revised #maybe quite a bit #but i can see a way forward and that is exciting even if it kind of breaks my brain that at some point in the future #i will no longer be working on starship iris #i had at least two mental breakdowns making this show but it also absolutely for sure changed my life & i'll always be grateful for that <3

[chez-cinnamon]

(WIP) Look what's back in production <3

#welcome home #welcome home au #real world au #julie joyful #needed a little break #but I should be getting back into the RW AU rhythm!

[honeygrahambitch]

Just imagine the sort of shit that can happen in real life in order to make you find comfort in a horror series about gay cannibalism

#blue needs a break from real life interactions #i just want to make some tea #and sit in silence and think about murder husbands #hannibal #hannigram #hannibal lecter #will graham #hannibal nbc

[graveyardzhift]

girls when they see a beanstar shaped object

#probably my last big-ish art post until around valentines day! i need a break. a real one (looks at myself) (im part of the problem) #cackletta #mario and luigi #superstar saga #mario and luigi superstar saga #my art