#I mean look at Lil Nas X
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if they made a homestuck movie:
VOICEOVER: it's coming...
*two drum beats*
JOHN EGBERT: *puts the disk for sburb into his computer* i'm in
VOICEOVER: this summer
*two drum beats*
ROSE LALONDE: *rolls eyes* john, stop goofing around
VOICEOVER: prepare to be stuck...
*two drum beats*
JADE HARLEY: *wakes up and looks around*
VOICEOVER: at home
*two drum beats*
DAVE STRIDER: *spins record* woah, this is off the wall, yo
*shitty orchestral cover of sburban jungle plays*
ROXY: but you don't understand! this game is dangerous!
*cut to dave leaving his clone behind at his quest bed*
DAVE: i can't do it... i just can't kill another me...
*bec noir appears next to alt dave*
ALT DAVE: he's right behind me isn't he
*fades to black as bec noir slashes a sword at alt dave's neck*
*text on screen reads "ASCEND"*
*cut to rose in her shed*
JOHN: rose, the meteor's gonna hit!!
ROSE: *grabs computer* *rolls eyes*
*text on screen reads "DESCEND"*
*cut to scenes of the war on the chess field*
*text on screen reads "RISE UP"*
*cut to john, running out of his kitchen*
JOHN: these imps are everywhere!!
*text on screen reads "ABSCOND"*
ROSE: it's all over...
*cut to the various sprites being sprited*
*cut to jake kissing dirk's head*
DIRK STRIDER: *standing nearby* *coughs* awkward...
*cut to terezi and john after game over*
TEREZI: john, 1t's 4ll up to you now...
JOHN: *gasps*
*cut to john and dave hugging*
NEPETA: *grins* :33< i ship ittttt
KARKAT: *facepalm*
*cut to terezi and vriska facing off*
TEREZI: vr1ska, you c4n't do th1s!
VRISKA: watch me!
*montage of vriska doing a bunch of random and cool stuff*
VRISKA: i can do anything!!!!!!!!
*cut to grimdark rose and dave*
ROSE: to win... we're gonna have to blow up the sun
DAVE: awww snap
*text on screen reads "NIC CAGE"*
JOHN: and i mean, of COURSE con air is the best movie ever!! what other movie would you even suggest
*text on screen reads "LIL NAS X"*
DAVE: man, this isn't even the best song in obama's whole rap career
*text on screen reads "AMANDLA STENBERG"*
ROSE: *rolls eyes* whatever, mom! i'm summoning cuthulu!
*text on screen reads "ZENDAYA"*
JADE: *petting bec* oh, who's the best dog! is it you?
*a bunch more celebrity names on screen*
*text on screen reads "BASED ON THE WEBCOMIC BY ANDREW HUSSIE"*
ANDREW HUSSIE: *sitting in chair* wait, am i still in this movie? do i still die?
VOICEOVER: yes
HUSSIE: oh poop
*text on screen reads "HOMESTUCK: THE MOVIE"*
JOHN: we're gonna save the world... or die trying
*quick montage of every single death scene*
DAVE: i think we're gonna die trying
JOHN: daaaaveeee
*text on screen reads "COMING THIS SUMMER"*
*cut to dave beatboxing*
KARKAT: CAN YOU SHUT UP?!
DAVE: are you gonna make me?
NEPETA: :33< ooooh—
DAVE and KARKAT in unison: DON'T SAY IT
NEPETA: :33< ship it
*they both sigh*
*cut to black*
#homestuck#sorry this is horrible i didn't mean to bring it into the world#john egbert#rose lalonde#dave strider#jade harley#vriska serket#terezi pyrope#roxy lalonde#jake english#dirk strider#karkat vantas#nepeta leijon#this would be hilarious though because i don't even know HOW they would fit homestuck into a two and a half hour long movie#it would be impossible
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i finally articulated my opinion on my "is gerard way doing drag" question. my definition of drag is when a person impersonates, exaggerates, or appropriates a mode of gender expression. drag can be artistic or political (or both). drag can be an identity. drag and transgender identity are confused as the same thing. for some, it is. what is considered cross dressing can also be considered drag. it's important to note that drag is essential to queer culture, and how the us government harasses queer people through cross dressing, and now anti-drag, laws. we wouldnt be here talking about pop artists doing drag without drag performers and nonbinary-trans-gnc people.
to some people, a self-identified man in a female-identified dress is drag. "cross dressing" depends on cishet norms. queer people, especially nonbinary-trans-gnc people, have called to dismantle the assignment of gender to clothing. under that lens, a man in a dress is just a man in a dress -- for it to be drag, context and intent matters. that's how you get women doing female drag, or androgynous people doing what gerard way's been doing this last year on tour.
in asking "is gerard way doing drag?", im assigning importance to the topic. does it matter? within my understanding, drag is about intent and context as much as gender presentation. intent and context is what makes something important. therefore: understanding why the question is important solves it.
male music artists have a long history of cross dressing and doing drag. there's a good chance plugging any dude into a search engine with "drag" or "skirt" will bring something up. bowie, queen, nirvana, manic street preachers, placebo. here's a list. newer artists: lil nas x, harry styles, anthony green, pete wentz, young thug. some are impersonating female caricatures, some are masculinizing female clothes (long, ill-fitting, straight). some, like molko and lil nas, wear feminine clothes without exaggerating or masculinizing. gerard is in that same grey area.
male music artists have a long history of cross dressing and doing drag -- photos: "i want to break free" mv by queen (1984) / placebo in london (oct 1998) / lil nas x at audacy beach festival (dec 5, 2021) / fall out boy at rock for people (june 17, 2022)
all that history is why it was so weird when kerrang called gerard's riot fest "dress and heels" "a compelling show of contrarian anti-rock star eccentricity". it is not anti-rock star, at least not as described. it may be compelling, contrarian, and eccentric, but no reviewer really cares to analyze why. the closest they get is by identifying non-binary connection (them.us) and its relation to the "minefield that is American gender politics today" (latimes.com).
fans were struck by way's outfits for a lot of other reasons.
1. we have to get it out of the way that they just looked hot -- gerard is perpetually attractive, skirts are pretty. easy equation.
2. he has a long history of gender nonconformity. more on that in my #mcr queer studies tag. gerard is a 45 year old famously androgynous person who doesnt do labels, aligns himself with gender nonconformity (2014 reddit ama, 2018 advocate article, 2015 he/they tweet), and doesnt seem to care to be known as a man.
3. the tour outfits were well-fitted. many were crafted by skilled designer marina toybina and her team. which leads to ->
4. the outfits were very casual and very feminine. as mentioned, most men opt for masculine, ill-fitting skirts. which is to say they are NOT showing leg and they are definitely not showing ass. gerard doesnt steer clear from shortness or tightness or movement. he also dresses in ways people dress day to day -- the miniskirt is as casual as the shorts as casual as the jeans. there's some discussion to be had about what casual means -- he could be imitating expected presentation or just using basics, like his frequent shirt and pants.
the miniskirt is as casual as the shorts as casual as the jeans -- photos: firefly music festival (sept 23, 2022) / uncasville (sept 1, 2022) / eden project night 1 (may 16, 2022)
5. there was variety. many outfits, many types. he wasnt just doing pure femininity. some looks were high concept, some low concept. some gendered, some genderless. some feminine, some masculine. it was playful. its honesty evident in its fluidity yet cohesiveness. expanded in the next points ->
6. they incorporate elements of masculinity and gender neutrality concurrent with the feminine. his aggressive, energetic performance style often doesnt mind what people are seeing when his skirt lifts or shirt droops. he has little to no make-up -- if he does, it's stage and not glam. the closest he gets is the agender black swan look at boston night 1, the stage contour at wwwy night 3, and dubious lipstick at firefly. he also maintains the same hairstyle: barely styled, not straightened-curled. pinned a few times, gelled back some other times.
he has little to no make-up -- if he does, it's stage and not glam -- photos: boston night 1 (sept 7, 2022) / when we were young night 3 (oct 29, 2022) / firefly music festival (sept 23, 2022)
7. the character outfits weren't caricatures, like green's sleazy hooker or queen's uptight housewives. gerard's characters were appropriated but not exaggerated. cheerleader, nurse, manson girl, jackie o, princess diane, st joan. all figures of pop culture. he wore them as they were. even comparing green and way's similar white-green cheerleader costumes there's a difference in presentation. green wears long leggings, way wears shorts. green's costume is based on a stranger things character, way's is a custom remade vintage outfit. green exhibits the masculinization of feminine clothes which way subverts. this comparison highlights what makes way's outfits different, and therefore exciting to talk about.
green exhibits the masculinization of feminine clothes which way subverts -- photos: saosin in garden grove, ca (oct 27, 2022) / mcr in nashville, tn (aug 23, 2022)
8. and when he played with masculinity, it was in a way that was dubbed "boydrag". the new jersey night 2 casino singer look was a dramatic caricature that heightened masculine features until they were pure style... the defintion of camp. he had a mustache -- thin like john waters or a confirmed bachelor, and drawn on with eyeliner. he had a suit -- a pink-gold, glittery woman's cut jacket with a glittery bowtie and pleated shirt. the dramatic flair is accentuated by the black eye make-up, the frank sinatra "my way" cover, the drum tag: "the house always wins".
the defintion of camp -- photos: new jersey night 2 (sept 21, 2022) 1 / 2
when i asked which outfits others considered drag, all replies identified the casino singer and jackie o as drag and the rest as "just clothes". this relation made me understand why the rest couldnt be drag despite all the connections i talked about above. the jackie o outfit doesnt exaggerate the source like casino singer, but the source itself is both highly dramatic and highly gendered. cheer is gendered but not highly dramatic, st joan dramatic but not highly gendered. diane is gendered and dramatic, but not highly. the list goes on and on. it's a fine line. especially cheer could tip into drag for me.
but the source itself is both highly dramatic and highly gendered -- photos: mcr at riot fest (oct 12, 2022) / jackie kennedy onassis (jan 3, 1971)
if drag is understood in this way, simply wearing gendered clothes isnt drag. the look itself has to be about the performance of gender, however that may be presented. that’s the importance of classification. we can see what the artist is doing.
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the 1 [NJM] (M)
Description: Six years ago, you decided to move away to a different country to go to school. The catch? You had to leave Jaemin behind, and you refused to drag him along. Now you're back and, for some reason, he doesn't quite seem to hate you in the way you thought he would.
(this is inspired by the Taylor Swift song by the same name, listen to it here)
Genre: Fluff/Smut/Angst TRIPLE THREAT (?? am i okay)
Content Warnings: Explicit sex, break ups, the angst isn't too bad I don't think. Just break up stuff l o l (also don't judge any typos or repetitions I didn't edit this because I wrote this whole thing today someone save me from myself) (also also I am totally working on all requests still, I just get random inspo sometimes and when it hits, it hits)
Word Count: 10,012 (yoo for why did I make this so long help)
Pairing: Na Jaemin x Reader (this is a non-canon AU, Jaemin is a lil businessman and the rest of Dream make appearances here. PS, Best Friend!Donghyuck y'all)
Juliet's Masterlist
Honestly, you never thought you’d make your way back to Seoul. Not when you didn’t have much to come back to. Leaving for college was the scariest decision you’d ever made, but you’re so much better off for it. The experience of living in another country—even if it just for school—is the best thing you’ve ever done.
But Seoul is home. Home is where the heart is, and yours has always resided here, even long after you left. You wonder about the friends you left behind, knowing you haven’t been the best at keeping up with them.
You especially think of Jaemin. The two of you were both twenty-two when you left and, at the time, you would’ve said you were in love with him. You’d been dating for a year before you made your decision.
You don’t think of him in a way that you still have feelings for him, but rather, you want the best for him. If anything, you want to know he’s been as successful as you after you walked away from him.
“America?” Jaemin raises his eyebrows, recoiling at the thought. “I mean, that’s a great opportunity, but wouldn’t it be hard?”
“Of course, it’ll be hard. I think I need to do this before it’s too late for me.” You look down at your hands to avoid eye contact with him. The last thing you want to do is break his heart. Hell, you’ll be breaking your own, too. But being in love with Jaemin doesn’t mean you have to stop everything going on in your life to make sure you keep him.
“How long?” he asks.
“The standard degree path is four years over there, but it could take longer.”
He pauses, gulping. “Wow. You’ll be gone for four years?”
“Yeah.” You pick at your nails and clear your throat. “This is…This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, Jaem. I can’t miss it.”
“I know. I wouldn’t want you to. Um, I guess I’m just nervous as to what that means for us.”
“I love you.” You reach for his hand, intertwining your fingers. “I love you so much, but I can’t ask you to wait for me for four years. Or longer.”
“It’s not like we won’t talk. We have calls, FaceTime, we have everything. However long you need, we’ll work it out.” He tilts his head. At your hesitation, worry spreads across his face.
“I…I don’t know if I’ll come back at all, is what I mean.” You finally meet his gaze and watch the shock course through him.
“Okay, then I’ll move there, too,” he replies, as if it were simple. His forehead wrinkles as he frowns. “If that’s what you want, I can do that. We’ve only been together a year, (Y/N), that’s not long enough for me. I need forever. I promised you forever and I meant it.”
“I won’t ask you to do that.” You shake your head, feeling your eyes well with tears. “Your family’s here. Your friends. We both know you wouldn’t want to move away from your mom forever.”
Jaemin lets out a short breath, tugging his hand away from yours and running it through his hair. “So that’s it? There’s no way I can convince you?”
“You deserve someone who wants the same things you do. The same life. If I can’t give that to you, someone else will. I love you, but sometimes, love isn’t always enough if we’re being pulled in different directions.”
“I won’t just forget about you. You’re just going to disappear?” He wipes away a tear, rolling his eyes.
“You don’t have to forget about me. I’m not forgetting about you. I just need to do something for myself, and I can’t force you along with me.”
The barista jolts you from your trance, asking you if there’s something she can help you with. You clear your throat, hoping you’ll be able to talk past the lump in your throat. After ordering your favorite coffee, you stand off to the side to wait for it.
The door dings behind you, but you think nothing of it. You continue about your business, checking your phone for the time and waiting for your drink. A message comes through from your friend Donghyuck asking if you’d gotten everything settled already.
You and Jaemin had the same friend group. That’s how you met, actually. Donghyuck brought you over to one of their group hang outs, and you and Jaemin clung to each other like glue. It was inevitable that you two would end up dating, and when you did, literally not one of them were surprised.
You send him a quick message back saying everything’s good, and then the barista calls your name. Smiling at her, you walk up to grab the steaming hot cup. Nearly groaning to yourself about how good it smells, you turn around to walk toward the door.
That’s when you see him.
Jaemin.
You haven’t seen him in years. Sure, you still had each other on social media, but you never went out of your way to look at him. Five years has done him well and, at first, you’re unsure if you should say anything. He’s staring right at you, but it doesn’t feel like an invitation. It feels weird.
He’s clearly not the same Jaemin he was, but he’s Jaemin.
And right when you think he’s going to storm off in the other direction and want nothing to do with you, he smiles widely and approaches you. His smile is as gorgeous as it was before, maybe even more so. Normally, this would do little to bother you. You two ended on somewhat good terms, so there’s no reason for either of you to be holding a grudge all this time later.
He wears black pants with a pale pink button-down tucked into them. There isn’t another word to describe him other than divine. He looks good.
With his hands buried in his pockets, he makes his way over. “I thought that was you.”
“Yeah, it’s me.” You laugh shortly, surprised that you don’t feel too awkward now that he’s in front of you. “Wow, how long has it been?”
As if you don’t know.
“Five years?” he says it like a question. “It hasn’t been that long since we’ve talked though. I guess things are just hard with time zones, aren’t they?”
You give an exaggerated nod. “Totally get that. Well, how have you been?”
“Busy.” He snorts, widening his eyes. “Busy like you wouldn’t believe. Did you end up getting your degree over there? Have you been to see Donghyuck yet?”
“I got the very expensive piece of paper, yes. And I haven’t seen him yet, no. I got back two days ago and have been trying to get things settled before I take a break.” You sip your coffee, almost sighing at the taste of vanilla on your tongue.
“I’m proud of you.” He purses his lips. “Not sure if that means much, but I am. I’m glad it worked out the way you wanted.”
“Thank you. It means a lot, especially from you. What did you decide to do here?” you ask him, tilting your head a bit.
“I’m surprised you didn’t hear,” Jaemin says. “Renjun, Chenle, Jeno, and I opened a business a couple years back. We’ve been doing pretty well, but it doesn’t really leave us with much time for anything else.”
“Holy shit, Jaem, that’s awesome.” You can’t help but grin at him. “I always knew you guys were destined for great things.”
You think back to when you’d hang out with all of them—Jaemin, Mark, Renjun, Jeno, Donghyuck, Chenle, and Jisung. Every Saturday night, you’d all get together for drinks at someone’s house, a constant rotation of happiness, friendship, and pure adoration. You love all of them, albeit in different ways, you feel a strong connection to them all. Being without them for so long has certainly made you nostalgic, but you’re sure you’ll at least see some of them now that you’re back.
You’re not sure if Jaemin will ever be comfortable hanging out with you. Neither of you were particularly bitter in your breakup, but it wasn’t mutual. You didn’t even want it, and he certainly didn’t either. But Jaemin has always been understanding—almost to a fault. He would never ask you to do something if it was against what you wanted to do.
“You know.” He pauses, running his tongue over his teeth. “Are you busy? I’m on my lunch, so if you want to catch up a little, I have the time.”
You hesitate, unsure if it’s a good idea. Before you and Jaemin dated, he was an excellent friend, too. Your only worry at this point is if things will be awkward between the two of you, but it doesn’t seem to be that way yet.
“Yeah, actually.” You take another sip of your coffee, cradling your jacket over your arm to your chest.
He gives you another dazzling smile and gestures over to a small table by the window. “After you.”
You sit down, shrugging your purse from your shoulder and hanging it from the back of the chair. He follows your lead, black hair falling like a curtain over his forehead as he leans forward to bring the seat closer. An odd urge to brush it away overtakes you, but you grab your coffee instead.
Your past with Jaemin is long gone. He’s definitely moved on to bigger, better things, and so have you. Your time in America wasn’t wasted, and you knew from Donghyuck the moment Jaemin moved on from you. It didn’t hurt the way you thought it would. You wanted him happy and cared for, and if you couldn’t do it, you hoped and prayed someone else would.
That was three years ago, but Donghyuck never talked about Jaemin to you again, unless it was something small that happened in a group setting. At that point, you’d also moved on, so as long as he was alive and thriving, you didn’t need to hear about it. Everything was okay.
You’ll always hold an unmatched adoration for the man sitting in front of you. He was your first real love, but everyone knows not everything in your early twenties lasts. It’s true what they say—that you never truly forget your first love. That, and how once you love someone, you’ll always hold some sort of affection for them in your heart.
You tell Jaemin of all the things you got to do in America, and he listens intently. In turn, he tells you about his business and how they grew it from the ground up. It’s one of the largest companies in South Korea, and your heart warms with pride.
Everything you did makes sense. You did it for a good reason. If he had dropped everything and come with you to America, he wouldn’t be doing what he loves. Eventually, you were sure he would’ve grown to resent you if he had gone.
Before you know it, the two of you have been talking for well over an hour. Your coffee is gone, the small bit left at the bottom chilled. On a whim, he checks his watch and recoils in shock.
“Oh shit,” he murmurs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even realize how long we’d been here.”
“It’s no big deal,” you reply, waving him off. “I’ll get going though.”
“Actually…So the guys and I still do Saturday nights. If you want to come this Saturday, it’s at my place. If you want, I can text you the address.” He taps his fingers on the table.
“Yeah, that sounds like a lot of fun. It’ll be nice to see everyone. I did get a new number though, so let me give it to you.” You reach into your purse for your phone so you can find it. Since you had to switch plans when you moved back, you don’t really know it yet either.
You read it off to him, and he purses his lips while he sends his address to you in a text message. Afterwards, he stands up and brushes off his pants.
“It’ll be just like old times. Jisung is finally old enough to drink, too.” Jaemin chuckles to himself before running his fingers through his hair to push it back. “I’ll see you Saturday? We start at six.”
“Absolutely. I’ll be there.” You watch as he retreats away from you, head held high as he walks out of the coffee shop. He was confident back when you dated, but he’s even more so, and for good reason. No matter what, it’s like he gets increasingly attractive as he ages.
As soon as he’s out of sight, you tap your cheeks to get the slight blush off of them. You didn’t expect to run into him like that, not so soon, but you’re glad you did. Everything happens for a reason, and you’re glad he’s okay with everyone hanging out. You’d hate to lose out on your friends because they have to pick sides.
The encounter stays heavy on your mind even until the next day when you’re supposed to meet Donghyuck for lunch. Your apartment is on the smaller side, since most of your savings was spent to get over here.
The living room is a little under furnished, but it’s nothing you won’t accumulate as time goes on. You have a soft loveseat, a TV mounted to the wall, and a small hallway off to the side that contains your kitchen and all the appliances. Your bedroom is on the left side, big enough only for your bed and a dresser.
You stand in front of the bathroom mirror, trying your best to look at least presentable. You’ve been exhausted lately. Moving countries, across the world, takes a toll on you. At least today is Thursday. You have a job interview tomorrow, and then you’ll get to see your friends on Saturday. Your heart aches for them. They were the best friends you ever had, a complete, close knit group of people who just function so well together. There wasn’t anything else in the world like it.
You go to the small sandwich shop, finding Donghyuck already sitting there waiting for you. His face lights up like a Christmas tree at the sight of you, and his chair scrapes across the floor as he hurries to get up and hug you. He squeezes you so tightly, you almost can’t breathe. You laugh anyway, returning the gesture the best you can.
“My God, I feel like I haven’t seen you in years!” he says, smiling widely. “Shit, you’re not allowed to move out of the country again.”
You roll your eyes, nudging him. “You came to visit six months ago.”
“Six months is still half a year, (Y/N). Never again.”
“Luckily for you, I do plan on staying.” You wait for him to release you before the two of you head over to the line to order.
“Every time I see you, it’s like you’ve grown up more.” Donghyuck fakes a pout, shaking his head. “Look at you, being an adult in the world.”
“Shut your mouth,” you say. “You’re only a year older than me.”
“A year is plenty of time for extra wisdom.” He crosses his arms over his chest, raising his eyebrows like his point is valid.
He orders for both of you, insisting on paying even though you’re about ready to wrestle his wallet out of his hands. It doesn’t matter if you had a billion dollars, he would still insist. That’s always what he’s been for you, your best friend. He takes care of you even when you don’t need it.
“So, when’s your interview?” he asks, accepting the cups from the person at the counter. Handing it to you, he leads you over to the fountain, filling his with Coke Zero.
“I’m glad to see some things never change.” You grin, picking your favorite drink as well. “It’s tomorrow. I’m hoping it works out, because job searching is so tiring.”
“Tell me about it. I’m sure it’ll go great. You’re multilingual and stuff. Employers love that shit.”
Before you respond, the order is ready. You two walk back to your table, conversing back and forth about random things. The conversation takes a turn, and you’re surprised when he actually brings it up.
“Jaemin said he invited you for Saturday.” Donghyuck sips his drink. “Are you going?”
You frown. “Well, yeah. I wouldn’t miss something like that. It’s been too long since I’ve seen everyone.”
“I know that. It’s not weird with you and him, though?”
“Not at all.” You chew the inside of your cheek as you contemplate. “I was worried it would be, but we caught up a little. He seems to be doing really well. If it’s not awkward for him, it won’t be for me. I’d love to be reinstated in the friend group.”
“Reinstated?” He scrunches his nose. “That implies that you were ever un-instated.”
“Is…is that a word?” You chuckle.
“I don’t know. Sounds right to me.” He shrugs, taking a large bite of his sandwich. “I did tell them you were coming back, but also that I didn’t know if you’d be comfortable with that. They all miss you. I swear, Jisung has been talking my ear off asking when we’ll all get together. He’ll be so happy you’re coming.”
Jisung has always been the baby of the group. Even as a full grown adult, you all treat him like a child. He doesn’t complain about it, and he feeds into it probably a bit more than he should. You learn Mark and Donghyuck live together, Jaemin, Chenle, and Jeno live in their own places, and Jisung and Renjun live together. You’re a bit shocked by the last pairing, but you don’t say anything about it.
“Just promise me that if it does get weird, you’ll tell me?”
“I’ll tell you. Promise.” You nod. “I don’t think it will. It was years ago, Hyuck. He moved on, I moved on, and we’re completely different people now. Neither of us are mad.”
“Good. It’ll be nice to have the family back together again.”
After lunch, Donghyuck drives you home. You thank him for the ride, and you head up to your apartment. Regardless of what you say out loud, your brain truly is whirling like crazy after your time with Jaemin.
You didn’t expect seeing him to send you for a loop like this, but you can’t help but think back to how happy you were with him. You two were…something. Maybe not perfect, but it was fun. Magnetic. Passionate. Everything you’ve tried to replicate, even though it’s impossible. No other man could ever be Jaemin.
Your mind drifts off, and you lose yourself in memories.
Saturday nights were a novelty. You sit on Chenle’s couch with Jaemin practically hung over you, the rest of the guys talking simultaneously and incredibly loudly. You didn’t mind it. In fact, you loved it. It reminded you how many people you had by your side, and how many of them were truly like you.
Jaemin kisses your temple, pausing there for a moment. It’s late, and you know he’s getting tired. Even though these are your best friends, you understand his need to wind down after a long night. You bring your wine glass up to your lips, finishing it off.
“Ready?” he asks softly.
You glance over at him and nod, smiling. “Yeah, let me go put this away.”
When you stand up, hardly anyone notices. Chenle and Jisung are basically yelling at each other about something you can’t discern. You laugh when Chenle argues with dramatic hand motions. That’s how you know it’s serious.
You’re pretty sure Renjun has Jeno in a headlock, but you go into the kitchen before you get a good look. It’s a bit quieter in here, and you take a deep breath. You place the glass gently into the sink, closing your eyes and craning your neck back in an attempt to relax. Saturday nights drain you in the best ways, and exhaustion is starting to creep in.
Before you know it, a pair of arms snake around your waist, tugging you back gently. You find yourself against Jaemin’s chest, and you instinctively lean your head on his shoulder.
“And I thought I was tired,” he mumbles, kissing your hairline. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I’m okay. Can I stay with you tonight?” You turn to face him, lost in the way the lights glitter in his deep brown eyes. He truly is the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen, and you don’t have to restrain yourself from reaching up to cup his cheek. His skin is so smooth beneath your touch, you want to touch it forever.
“You don’t even have to ask.” He nods. “You’re always allowed to stay with me.”
Jaemin tells the boys you’re leaving. Chenle and Jisung halt their argument to give you a hug, and even Renjun allows Jeno some breathing time so he can say goodbye, too. Jaemin’s place isn’t far from Chenle’s, so you sit in silence for the ride, sleep threatening to take over on the way.
His fingers intertwine with yours over the center console, and his thumb rubs gently on your skin. You hum in content.
“Don’t fall asleep yet,” he whispers, careful not to startle you. “We’re almost there, my love.”
You try your best to listen to him. When you finally pull into his building’s parking lot, you’re barely able to keep your eyes open.
This week had been extra long, and you weren’t sure if you’d be able to go to Chenle’s tonight in the first place. You’re glad you did, but you’d much rather be curled up with Jaemin. He unbuckles his seatbelt and gets out, striding over to your side of the car.
Opening your door, he reaches across you to take your seatbelt off. “You okay? Do you want me to carry you?”
“Carry me? Jaem, you live on the fourth floor. I’ll be fine, just help me up.” You hold your hand out to him, but he clicks his tongue and slides his hands beneath your back and knees.
“You underestimate me,” he teases you, pulling you into his chest. “I’ll get you upstairs.”
Instead of arguing, you let your head fall onto his chest and you listen to his steady heartbeat. You’ve been together for six months now, and everything has been perfect. At this point, you’re pretty sure you want to marry Jaemin. You don’t know if he feels the same way, but you know you’d be damn lucky if that’s how things go.
He’s caring. Loving. All the things you could ever ask for. Hell, he’s carrying you into his apartment building so you don’t have to walk. He’ll make breakfast in the morning like he always does when you stay the night, and he’ll brush your hair and braid it if you want.
When you finally make it up to the fourth floor (via elevator, thankfully for Jaemin), his heart is still steady in his chest, and he brings you inside his apartment easily. He immediately brings you into his bedroom, setting you on his bed.
“Want a shirt, love?” he asks, heading over to his dresser.
“Please.” Your eyes are closed as you rest on his pillow, sinking into the soft mattress as if you’re on top of a cloud.
Jaemin grabs one for you, helping you sit up so he can help you take your blouse off. He pulls it over your head, the cotton fabric settling on your skin. It smells of his laundry detergent, so you take a deep breath to appreciate it.
“Okay,” he mutters. “Lay down now.”
He guides you back down, and he finds the button on your jeans. You aide him in taking them off of you, and then he kneels on the floor next to you, eye level with you.
“I love you,” he says, brushing your hair behind your ear. “Forever. I promise.”
“Me too,” you reply, voice quiet. “Love you forever.”
With a soft smile, he leans forward to kiss your forehead. “Get some sleep, my love. I’ll be back to cuddle in a few minutes.”
You watch him walk into his bathroom, but you’re fast asleep before he comes back out.
Forever. You scoff at your ceiling. What a concept. A novelty, really. You’re not even sure if it exists at this point. If a man like Jaemin wasn’t your forever, who the hell would be? Nobody interested you enough. You don’t think you want Jaemin anymore, but you don’t want anyone else either.
A cat. That’s what you need.
You try to distract yourself with the thought of that, but it doesn’t take long for another memory to completely consume you.
“Is this okay?” he asks, chest heaving while he hovers above you as his hand rubs up and down your side. “Tell me if you’re not comfortable.”
“I love you,” you tell him easily, as if the words are second-nature when they come to him. “I’m ready. I want you.”
Seven months in, and you and Jaemin were just now preparing to have sex for the first time. You’d touched each other, explored each other, but he always insisted he wanted it to be perfect. This, you decide, is perfect. He’s perfect. Nothing about him makes you nervous, and you’re more than ready to take the next step with him.
Neither of you are virgins, but it’d obviously been a while for you both. He lines himself up with your entrance and groans.
“You’re so wet,” he murmurs, as if he’s mesmerized. “I love you.”
To quell his nerves, you pull him down into a soft kiss, letting your mouths work together in perfect harmony while he slowly, carefully pushes inside you. His lips part, still pressed to yours, once he’s fully in.
Your eyes desperately want to flutter shut, but you don’t dare look away from him right now. He stays there for a moment, relishing in the feeling of the two of you finally being connected like this. Jaemin is deeply sentimental, so you know how much it means for him to take this step with you.
“You’re so beautiful,” he groans, taking your bottom lip between his teeth and tugging gently. “God, you feel so good.”
A small whimper leaves you at the sensation, and you rock your hips in response. “Move,” you tell him.
He drops his head to your neck, kissing, sucking, and nipping as he sets his pace. Oh so careful not to break you, he moans into your skin, the vibrations making your whole body tremble. The slide of him against your walls is intoxicating, and all you can do is take it, legs locked firmly around him as he takes you to a new world.
“Jaem.” You sigh, running your fingers through his hair for encouragement.
He continues to thrust, his breathing starting to increase when he gets closer to the edge. Without missing a beat, he reaches between the two of you to rub circles on your clit. You moan a bit louder than you should, but you don’t care.
Suddenly, you’re floating, brain going fuzzy when you reach heights you never thought you could. Your back arches into his body, nails digging into his shoulders as the world tilts off its axis.
“Shit,” he gasps, hips bucking. “You’re squeezing me so tight.”
You let out a shuddering breath, body slumping when you land from your free fall. Weaving your fingers through his hair, you pull him up to kiss you, swallowing his breathy whine as he cums.
Both of you sit there for a few moments, the only sounds are from the panting. He rests more of his weight on top of you, enveloping you in all the heat pouring out of his body. With a sweet kiss, he hums into your mouth.
“We’re gonna have to do that again.” He chuckles, his nose nuzzling your cheek. “You’re so fucking perfect.”
“Says you,” you retort.
“I’m so serious.” Jaemin frowns at you. “I’m going to make love to you forever. We’ll get old and gray and I’ll still find you sexy.”
You laugh, smacking his chest. “You’re ridiculous. But you better mean that.”
“I’ve never meant anything more.”
When Saturday rolls around, you head into your closet to pick out an outfit. You don’t want to wear anything too fancy, but not too casual either. Settling on a flowy, pale pink top and a pair of jeans, staring at yourself in the mirror for much too long.
No part of today has to be weird. You’ll show up, have a great night, go home, and repeat it again the next week. Even knowing that, you’re more nervous for tonight than you were for your interview yesterday.
You think you got the job, but you’d hear back for sure on Monday. Logically, you have nothing to worry about on either end.
You put Jaemin’s address into the map on your phone, and you see it’s not too far from your apartment. Donghyuck offered to pick you up, but you decided it’d be best if you got there on your own. That way, you don’t have to make Hyuck leave early if things aren’t going well for you.
You slide on your boots, checking your pockets to make sure you have everything before you walk out into the street. Locking the door behind you, you make your way over. It’s a little before six, but everyone knows you’re chronically early. Even when you and Jaemin were dating, you were at least fifteen minutes early for every occasion.
You’re excited to see Jaemin again, but you know you shouldn’t be. In fact, you distract yourself with the idea of all the other boys. You saw Hyuck already, but seeing all the others for the first time in years is going to be a great experience.
When you arrive at the building, you blink in surprise. With him being a successful businessman, you knew he probably didn’t live in the same place, but this one shocked you. It’s huge. There are probably dozens of floors, and you have to look at his text message again to see which one he’s on.
Twenty-four? Holy shit.
You step into the lobby, and the man at the front desk also serves as an elevator guard. When you approach, he raises his eyebrows at you.
“Where are you needing to go, ma’am?” he asks.
“Twenty-fourth floor, it doesn’t say a number on the text, though—”
“Let me call up there to confirm. What’s your name?”
“(Y/N),” you reply, shifting on your feet.
“One moment, please.” He grabs the phone off the hook and dials quickly. “Mr. Na, I have a woman here to see you. Her name is (Y/N).”
It only takes a second for the man to nod and hang up the phone. He bows his head to you and gestures behind him. “He said he’s expecting you.”
The doors part for you and you step inside, and somehow, the button for the twenty-fourth floor is already pressed. You wait patiently inside as you ascend, the nerves beginning to sink in. Jaemin might be expecting you, sure, but you’re probably going to be the first one there. You always are.
When the elevator dings and opens, you expect a hallway. Instead, you’re walking straight into Jaemin’s living room. The wall across from you is all glass, the buzzing city view below making your heart drop. Hardwood flooring covers the expanse of the room, a faux fireplace on with a large sectional in front of it, a coffee table, and several other seating arrangements.
A few bottles of rosé are in a bin of ice on the coffee table, with ten glasses set out. You frown, letting your mind wander on who they could be for.
“Oh, you’re here!” It’s not Jaemin’s voice you hear.
When you turn toward it, you’re surprised to see a woman. She’s beautiful, with long black hair and shining brown eyes, and it takes you less than a split second to realize who she is. What did you expect? Jaemin moved on, and you shouldn’t be surprised. Your ribcage shouldn’t be constricting as hard as it is right now, but you laugh as she gives you a hug.
“Sorry, I’m a hugger.” She chuckles as she pulls away from you. “I’ve heard so much about you. The boys get so crazy when good things happen. It’ll be nice to have another girl around here, Jiyoon and I are pretty close to insane. I’m Yeeun.”
She holds her hand out to you and you take it, overwhelmed by the information she’s given you. Jaemin walks out from the kitchen, his white button-down shirt sleeves rolled up to the elbows and the bottom hem tucked into a pair of blue jeans.
“Don’t scare her away.” Jaemin grins, shaking his head at her. “She’s kind of shy.”
“I’m not shy,” you retort.
“And that’s why you’re only one step inside, right?” Jaemin quirks an eyebrow, leaning his shoulder against the wall. “Make yourself at home. Lord knows everyone else does.”
“Where should I put my stuff?” I ask.
“The couch is fine. Everyone should be here soon.” Jaemin gestures over, but before you say anything else, he heads back into the kitchen.
“He’s so serious.” Yeeun cringes, walking with you to the couch. “Sometimes I think he’s got a stick in some places.”
“I can hear you,” Jaemin says.
You have to hold back another laugh.
“That’s the point,” she shouts back.
You take a seat and cross your legs, taking in the grandeur of Jaemin’s apartment. Various paintings hang on the walls and, in the midst of your concentration, something jumps in your lap. You gasp, throwing your hand over your mouth.
Thankfully, it’s just a kitten.
“Oh, that’s Luna.” Yeeun reaches over to give her a quick pet. “Jaemin’s got three cats. Luna, Lucy, and Luke. They kinda look similar, but you’ll learn them eventually.”
You stare at the animal in shock, wondering what convinced Jaemin to get three at once. Shrugging it off, you pick her up and hold her to your chest, running your hand over her soft fur.
“Chenle should be here any minute,” Yeeun says under her breath, glancing down at her phone. “Let me c—”
The elevator dings again, and Chenle walks in without a second thought. He tosses his jacket on the table and rolls his shoulders as if he’s done a bunch of work. Yeeun launches from the couch, and you can’t say you’re not relieved when you see her plant a kiss firmly on his lips. She’s not Jaemin’s girlfriend, she’s Chenle’s.
“You miss me after not seeing me for an hour?” he teases her, his arm wrapped around her waist.
“You’re so mean.” She scrunches her face, grabbing his hand and leading him over to the couch.
Chenle grins widely when he sees you and gives you a quick hug. “You finally decide to come back after five years?”
“Don’t be a brat.” You snort. “You’re elated I’ve returned.”
“We all are,” he says easily. “If I have to hear Hyuck cry one more time about you being thousands of miles away I might end him.”
“You and me both.”
“Oh, I had Yeeun come a little early. I knew you’d be atrociously early because you’re you, and I thought it might be weird with you and Jaemin alone, so…” Chenle lowers his voice.
“I appreciate you.” You smile, taking your spot back on the couch. “I’m okay, though. Really.”
Especially now that you know Jaemin’s not dating Yeeun.
“Chenle, I swear to God, if you eat all of this fucking board before everyone else gets here, I’m going to kill you.” Jaemin reenters, placing a charcuterie board down by the wine. “This took hours, dude.”
“I’ll leave it alone.” Chenle holds his hands up in mock surrender, sitting next to Yeeun and throwing his arm over her shoulders.
The next one to show up is Hyuck, who brings Mark in tow. They both hug you, and by now, conversation is flowing with everyone. Jeno is next, then Renjun and Jisung. You’re not sure what you were expecting from him, but he’s definitely turned into a grown up since the last time you’ve seen him.
“Holy shit,” you say, practically in awe. “Did you have seven growth spurts?”
“Actually, I think it was only one.” He laughs, patting your back. “I didn’t believe Hyuck when he said you were coming. Told him I’d have to see it with my own eyes first.”
When everyone is finally sitting down around the couch, you notice Chenle already eating some of the cheese. Jaemin glares at him, but he eventually gives up. You sit between Yeeun and Donghyuck, fading into the conversation in the way you used to. It warms your heart, and you have to fight the overwhelming feeling of having missed so much time.
Leaving was worth it. The experience you had was unlike any other, but you regretted not staying in contact with all of them—even Jaemin. Mark opens the wine first, pouring it into nine of the glasses.
“Where’s Jiyoon?” He frowns, directing his gaze to Jisung.
He shrugs. “She’ll be here soon. Her grandparents are in town, so she’s staying with her mom until they leave. But she shouldn’t be any later than seven-thirty.”
Your mind whirls at how they’re reacting to Jisung having a girlfriend like it’s normal. He’ll always be your baby brother in your eyes, regardless of blood relation.
“How’d your interview go?” Donghyuck asks you, roping you into the conversation.
“Oh, I think it went well. I find out for sure on Monday, so I’ll let you know.” You grin. “I’m ready to start making more money.”
“Why don’t you just come work for us?” Chenle offers. “I’m surprised Hyuck didn’t tell us you were looking for a job still.”
Donghyuck drops his head into his palm. “No shit, sherlock. Think about why I wouldn’t.”
“It doesn’t need to be like that,” Jaemin interjects, sighing. “(Y/N) and I are good. There’s no eggshells to walk on. Just let it go. Pretend it never happened.”
Pretend it never happened?
Your heart ping pongs around your chest, and you choke on your sip of wine. Everyone turns toward you and you chuckle nervously.
“Sorry. I wasn’t expecting this topic.” You set the glass down on the table, suddenly much less interested in it.
“If that’s what she wants, she can absolutely do that,” Jaemin continues. “If we’re ever going to be normal, we can’t be the only ones over it.”
You stare down at your lap, fidgeting with your hands as you try to ignore all the attention on you.
“Um.” You clear your throat. “I’m gonna go grab some water.”
You shoot up from your spot, darting into the kitchen before anyone can say anything else. Once you reach the island, you brace your palms on it to keep you afloat. You close your eyes and let out a deep breath.
“Hey,” Jaemin murmurs, stopping next to you. “Are you okay? I’m sorry if that was too much.”
“I’m fine.”
“Did I say something?” He furrows his eyebrows and shifts closer so you have to look at him.
“No, Jaemin, I promise. Everything’s good. I just need a minute.” You run your fingers through your hair and glance around the room. “Do you have water bottles?”
“In the fridge,” he replies.
Crossing his arms over his chest, he rests his back on the edge of the island, watching you as you grab one. You twist off the cap and take a sip.
“I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. That was never my intention.” Jaemin sighs.
“Regardless of your intention, I’m not uncomfortable. Everyone’s just so…different. But the same. And I missed you guys, you know? I missed Saturday nights and being around my favorite people, but it’s…Forget it. Please.”
“Okay.” He nods. “Come back out whenever you’re ready, then.”
Jaemin walks away from you, looking back once over his shoulder before he disappears around the corner. You bury your head in your hands, but you refuse to let anyone think you’re upset. About anything. Jaemin especially.
You take another drink of water before you follow him out to the living room. When you make it back to your spot between Hyuck and Yeeun, he leans over to whisper, “I got up to follow you and he looked like he would rip my head off if I moved another muscle.”
You snort. “Yeah, sure.”
Shortly after that incident, Jiyoon finally shows up. She’s a bit taller than Yeeun, with dyed blonde hair and brown eyes. Jisung introduces the two of you, and she greets you kindly. Mark fills her glass and hands it to her.
You hear funny stories from Jeno, listen to Renjun scolding Jisung about something, and rest your head on Hyuck’s shoulder. He doesn’t seem to mind, so you don’t plan on moving. He’s having a heated discussion about something to do with stocks with Jaemin and Mark. You happily tune them out, because you have no idea what they’re talking about.
You finish your glass of wine and pour yourself another one. Chenle’s taken care of most of the charcuterie board by now, and Yeeun is showing him videos on her phone. You take a moment to appreciate everyone around you, something you never did before, and realize change may not be a bad thing.
Yes, everyone is different, but so are you. It’s magical when people grow up in the same direction, even past time, distance, and space. They’re all the same at their core, but older. Wiser. Happier. More mature.
You’re on your third glass by the time the night deepens. It must be past ten o’clock at this point, but you don’t feel tired at all. You’re surprised when Chenle and Yeeun leave first. They both hug you on their way out.
Apparently, they broke the seal, because Jisung and Jiyoon are next, followed closely by Renjun. Jeno doesn’t leave until eleven, and Mark and Donghyuck are packing up to leave as well.
“Do you need a ride home?” Hyuck asks.
“I’m okay.” You shake your head. “I’ll leave in a few minutes, don’t worry.”
He hesitates, but eventually listens to you. You’re left alone with Jaemin, much to your surprise, and he’s not kicking you out at the first opportunity he gets.
“Did you want help cleaning up?” you question.
“There’s not much to clean,” Jaemin replies, standing from his seat. “I won’t say no to help though.”
“Of course.” You chuckle and get up, brushing off your jeans.
Grabbing a few of the glasses, you carry them into the kitchen and put them by the sink. Between the two of you, you’ve got everything in the kitchen within a few minutes.
“I’m glad you came,” Jaemin says, running the water to rinse out the dishes.
“Me too.” It’s not a lie. You love being in this group, but you wonder if there was a better way to ease back in.
“I…Can I say something?” he asks. “If it’s too weird, you can tell me no.”
“By all means.”
“You know I’m not mad at you, right? I’m not bitter and I don’t hate you. I missed you a lot, actually. But I don’t want you to think you can’t come around because of me.” He pauses, taking his bottom lip between his teeth. “I’m really proud of you. Of all the things you’ve accomplished, and I know we couldn’t have done the same things if we had stayed together.”
You don’t mean to let out a relieved breath, but his words take a weight off your shoulders. “Thank you, Jaem. I’m proud of you too.”
“Have one more drink with me? For old times’ sake?”
“I’d love that.”
So that’s how you end up next to Jaemin on his couch, his feet kicked up on his coffee table. You make jokes, talk about everyday things, but the more you drink, the more you crave to know about the past, about what happened after you left.
“Is the past off-limits?” You turn to look at him, almost blushing when you realize how close his face is to yours.
“I don’t think so.” He shakes his head. “But for every question you ask me, I get to ask you one.”
“That sounds like a good deal.” You smile. “But you go first.”
He gives you a half-smile before pursing his lips as he thinks. “Was it easy for you? Over there, I mean.”
“I wouldn’t say it was easy. It’s hard to pinpoint the exact experience because things are so different here…but I don’t think I’d go back. It was a good experience, and I loved it, but this is where I belong.” You stop, contemplating your own question. “How were you?”
“Is complete honesty okay?” He quirks an eyebrow.
“It’s preferred, actually.” You take another sip.
“It took me a long time to recover. And I don’t want to make you feel bad, because what’s done is done, and we both needed the room to grow. You know, if you never hurt, you’ll never learn. Life is full of learning experiences. But yeah, I was a mess for a while. I loved you long after you left.” He smiles, as if loving you is a fond memory. “Do you miss me?”
Present tense. Miss. Not did you miss me, but do you miss me.
You chuckle, pursing your lips. “Yeah, I do.”
When you meet his gaze again, you see the soft look he gave you whenever he saw you before. He gulps, wetting his lips. Your heart twists in your chest as you realize what this means for you. No matter how much time passes, you’ll never stop loving Jaemin. It doesn’t matter how far apart you’ve been or for how long, because all of you yearns for all of him.
Your voice shakes when you ask your next question. “Where would we be if I hadn’t left? If I changed that, would everything be different?”
“Um.” He’s only inches away from you, studying your face with fervor. “In my mind, I definitely thought we’d be married by now. In love and happy, making babies that hopefully look more like you.”
You try not to let the tears form, but they sting your eyes anyway.
“Is that what you wanted?” he whispers.
“Well, I kinda wanted them to look more like you, but yeah.” You laugh as a tear falls, and you move to wipe it away, but Jaemin beats you to it. His thumb swipes across your cheek.
You’re not sure what’s happening between the two of you, but every part of you craves this.
“We were pretty great, huh?”
“Is that your question?” He smiles. “Because yeah, we were.”
“If that was mine, that one counted as yours too.” You lean into his touch, letting the warmth seep through your skin. “God, I wish it had been you. I wish you were the one.”
His lips part, but it sounds as if his words catch in his throat. He blinks rapidly for a second, gulping. “Who said I can’t be?”
He leans closer.
“I’m gonna kiss you now.”
Your heart drops, but you give him a tiny nod, aching for him. “Jaemin.”
He stops right before your mouths connect, and he lets out a sigh.
“Jaemin,” you repeat. “I have to say something first.”
“Okay.”
“I thought I got over you, but it’s only because I didn’t see you for years. Being with you right now…I might still love you, and if you’re not kissing me for the same reasons, we should stop before we both get hurt again.” You clench your eyes shut, refusing to look at him while you make a fool of yourself.
“I was hoping you’d say that.” He doesn’t give you the chance to respond, kissing you hard. You melt into him, much like the ways you used to.
He shifts to cup both of your cheeks, his mouth working against yours in that perfect harmony you’d only ever found with him. You grasp onto his sleeves. When he pulls away, he rests his forehead on yours.
“I…” he trails off, wetting his lips. “I want you.”
His voice is raspy as he says it, and it sends heat between your legs. You clench your thighs together.
“Me too,” you reply. “I want you, too.”
“Are you sure?” he asks.
“Of course.” You lean forward to kiss him, and as your lips meet his, he pulls you onto his lap. Straddling him, you weave your fingers in his hair and hold him close to you.
His hands dip down to your ass, squeezing it and pushing you a bit forward. You groan when you feel his tongue slide across your bottom lip, and you give him access. Without a fight, you let him dominate your mouth. When you grind down, you gasp when you feel him hardening beneath you.
“You’re so perfect,” he whispers, only breaking the kiss for a split second.
He lets out a small whine when you pull away from him, but he’s quickly silenced when you tug your blouse over your head. While he stares at your black lace bra, you work on unbuttoning his shirt.
“Not here,” he interrupts you, grabbing your hands. “There’s only one place I want to have you right now.”
He stands, holding onto you tightly while you wrap your legs around his waist. For a brief second, you think about what Hyuck would say to you right now—if he would be okay with it or if he would call it a mistake—but you chase the thought away as fast as it comes.
Jaemin carries you to his bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him. He sets you delicately onto his bed, the familiar softness making you sigh. After he finishes taking his shirt off, he climbs on top of you, kissing your cheek, your jawline, down the pulse thundering in your neck, your collarbone, the swells of your breasts. He leaves marks on them before continuing his descent.
And then he’s at the hem of your jeans. He looks up at you, eyebrows raised. “Can I?”
“Please.”
Jaemin is a unique lover. He memorizes all the things you love, what makes you tick, and what he can do to elevate your pleasure. You’ve never had to fake it with him.
“It’s been a while for me,” he mutters. “It might not be…the best.” He clears his throat awkwardly, but pops the button and unzips the zipper.
“I’ll be happy with whatever you can give me,” you say.
His confidence returns after that, and he moves to tug your pants down your legs. You try your best to help him get them off of you, and he finally makes it back between your legs. He rubs his thumb over the obvious wet spot in your panties, humming to himself.
“Time doesn’t change how wet you get for me, huh?” He tsks, pressing a kiss to your clit through the fabric.
When he tugs them down, he admires you before leaning forward. You don’t expect the electric shock you feel when his mouth comes in contact with your core, but it has your back arching when he’s hardly done anything. Your hand immediately finds his hair, gripping it.
His tongue slides along your entrance, barely dipping inside before flicking your clit. He teases you like this a few times, but then his lips wrap around your sensitive bud and he sucks. His fingers trail up your thigh, and he extracts a moan from you when he pushes them inside you.
You inadvertently clench your thighs around his head. He moans against you, the vibrations sending pleasure shooting up your spine. You don’t mean to push him closer to you, but you can’t help it. Everything inside you feels like it’s crumbling and coming together at the same time under his ministrations.
You writhe much more than you should, and if it were anyone other than Jaemin, you’d be embarrassed.
“You taste so good,” he groans against you, thrusting his fingers faster. “So beautiful when you drip for me like this.”
He curls his fingers, and you slap a hand over your mouth to muffle your pleasure. One last flick of his tongue on your clit has your back arching, the bubble bursting inside you as you grind into his face.
After he’s helped you ride through your high, you sit up, sending him back a bit. You quickly reach for his pants, squeezing the prominent bulge before undoing the button and zipper. He steps out of them , pulling you toward the edge of the bed.
“We don’t have to,” he says, breathless. “We can wait if you’re not sure.”
“Jaem,” you reply, cupping his cheeks. “I’ve never wanted you more than I do right now.” You tug him down, kissing him with all your might. You taste yourself on him, but it does little to bother you. All you want is him.
His tongue explores your mouth while he finds the clasp of your bra. He pulls it away from you, guiding you back down onto the bed. His kiss trails down once more, stopping at your breast so he can take your nipple into his mouth. He swirls it, teeth gently scraping.
Finally, he’s shoving his underwear down and grabbing a condom from his nightstand. He rolls it on before joining you on the bed once more, and you feel his tip prodding at your entrance.
“You’re absolutely sure?” He pauses, giving as serious of a look as he can muster. “If we do this, you’re mine again, you know that, right?”
“I’ve always been yours, Jaemin,” you remind him, lifting your hips. “That never changed.”
You barely have time to finish your sentence before he’s pushing inside you, face contorting with pleasure as he bottoms out. Heart pounding, you grip onto his shoulders and wrap your legs around his waist.
“You okay?” he whispers, leaning down to kiss your neck. His eyelashes flutter across your skin, your body already slightly sticky from a thin sheen of sweat from your first indescribable high.
“Please move,” you whimper.
Jaemin moves slowly at first, allowing you both to get used to the feeling of being connected again. It’d be a long while since you’d done anything, too. He pants, nipping and sucking at the sensitive part of your throat.
His hips rock steadily, making sure to press as deep as he can every time. You're already a moaning mess below him, holding onto him for dear life.
“I’m sorry,” he says softly. “I’m not gonna last long.”
In response, you tighten your legs around him and flip him over, leaving him on his back and you on top. His eyes trail all over your body. You roll your hips. He sits up, grabbing your waist and pressing your chest against his, his dark, hardened gaze meeting yours as if this is a challenge.
“Lay back,” you tell him, running your hand down the hard planes of his chest as you gently push him back down. “Just watch.”
He gulps, but does as you say. His hands relax on you and he allows you to set your own pace. You lift up, shuddering at how he feels rubbing on your walls. His fingers twitch as if he wants to pull you back down.
“Baby,” he groans.
You set a steady pace, a bit faster than what his was. He traces down your body, leaving goosebumps in his wake as he moves downward until his thumb is pressed to your clit. You bite your lip to stop your moan, leaning back and bracing yourself on his thighs. He’s a mess beneath you, pleasure written across his face. It makes you want to do more, to work harder to bring him to his edge.
You’re so wet, slick sounds of him entering you fill the silence between sounds of euphoria. His thumb glides back and forth so easily, you have to pick up the speed. Everything around you begins to go fuzzy, and you know you’re approaching your second orgasm of the night much faster than you’d like.
Mid-way through your lift-up, your high hits, forcing you back down on his cock to finish with him buried deep inside, stretching you out. He sits back up, guiding you up and down as you slump onto his chest. He meets you halfway, thrusting up as he pulls you down.
He lets out a deep groan and holds you close to him, gently rocking his hips. He gasps for breath, pressing gentle kisses to your shoulder.
“I love you,” Jaemin whispers. “Don’t go again.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” You shake your head. “I love you, too.”
He opens his mouth to say something, but you both frown when you hear the elevator ding.
“Who is that?” you ask, climbing off of him on shaky legs to try and find your clothes.
“Not a clue.” Jaemin frowns, quickly disposing of the condom and putting his underwear and pants back on. He comes back to kiss your cheek. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”
He walks out into his living room, but you get dressed quickly so you can follow him out. You hear him conversing with someone, but you’re not sure who it is. You’re finally back in your jeans and shirt, so you head out to check out what’s going on.
You know your hairs a mess, your makeup is definitely smeared, and your face is red, and on top of all of that, you’re coming out of Jaemin’s room. Anyone with a brain would see what’s going on.
Chenle moves over to the couch and grabs a purse, which is presumably Yeeun’s, and claps Jaemin on the shoulder before he notices you.
“(Y/N)?” He blinks in surprise, glancing between you and Jaemin. “This is a new development.”
“It’s not really that new,” Jaemin says. “Um, we were kind of…busy, though. If you could…”
“Right.” Chenle shakes his head. “Right. You two have fun. Not too much fun, and make sure no one gets hurt this time, please?”
“Are you going to tell Donghyuck?” You scrunch up your nose.
“I’ll give you a twenty-four hour head start.” He grins, saluting you both. “Take care of each other, dipshits.”
You massage your forehead with a sigh, and Jaemin approaches you.
“You got dressed.” He pouts.
“Well, yeah. Somebody was here.” You chuckle.
“Were you wanting to leave?” he asks, eyebrows furrowing. “It’s okay if you do, I just…thought we’d spend the night together.”
“I don’t want to leave,” you tell him. “I told you I’m not leaving you again, Jaem. I meant it.”
“Then let’s get back to bed.” Jaemin massages your shoulders gently as he guides you back to his room.
He gets you a T-shirt to wear to bed, and once you’ve changed into it, you crawl onto his mattress and wait for him to join you. Instead, he stares at you, a smile on his face.
“I never thought I’d get you like this again.”
“You were always the one for me, Jaemin. It just wasn’t the right time.” You rest your head on one of his pillows, patting the spot next to you. “Now come over here.”
He finally listens, climbing under the comforter and pulling you to him until you’re pressed into his chest.
Kissing the top of your head, he hums. “We’ll have everything we ever wanted.”
#nct dream#nct imagines#nct#nct scenarios#nct dream smut#jaemin#nct dream jaemin#jaemin smut#jaemin fluff#jaemin angst#jaemin scenario#na jaemin#nct jaemin#nct dream fluff#nct dream angst#nct dream imagines#nct dream scenarios
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july nct recs
my library of favorites from JULY <3 all creds to authors
[ sorted by word count ]
series
MARK | volleyball for dummies (in love edition) | @ddeonuism — Mark Lee has been called many things. Dedicated was one of them and that dedication lead him into joining NeoTech College's well coveted Women's Volleyball team, the NeoTech Tigers, as their manager in hopes of winning the infamous setter, Y/N's heart. But there was one problem, being academically inclined did not come with the extensive knowledge of anything related to the sport and to put it simply, Mark Lee doesn't know shit about Volleyball.
[m] JOHNNY + JENO | switch | chain | @neopuppy — Johnny x female reader x Jeno, Jeno’s dad has got it going on AU, pwp, dc/nc, some angst, fluff
oneshots
MARK | safety zone | @cherryeoniis 19.1k — Mark Lee. The most perfect roommate and best friend that you could have asked for - except for the fact that he constantly messes up your laundry and can’t cook eggs very well. Even then, that doesn’t quite stop you from falling for him in your final year.
[m] HAECHAN | energizer bunny | @smileysuh 19.1k — hybrid au, brother!mark, bunny!reader
[m] MARK | give me the green light | @fadedncity 19k — street racing au, childhood friends to lovers, non idol au, college au, lil angst, fluff
JAEHYUN | contrariety and confluence | @hannie-dul-set 16.9K — there was not an instance in your life where your judgement was proven to be mistaken— especially with regards to infatuations outside of your own. after an unpredicted introduction with a far too remarkable farm boy, you took it upon yourself to find a suitable match for him, not realizing that perhaps this time; your usual correct judgements might have been incorrect.
JAEMIN | can't handle this | @hannie-dul-set 16k — how are you supposed to explain that you and na jaemin started dating just to prove each other wrong and ended up catching feelings.
JAEMIN | top of the world | @hannie-dul-set 15.6k — things had always been the same in the world of na jaemin— him sitting on a throne above everyone else. that was the natural order. but the world as jaemin knew it began to shake after a few fated encounters with someone at the bottom of the food chain.
JISUNG | the things i know | @byunbaekby 14.8k — jisung has never been keen on growing up, or even understanding what adulting means. at seventeen, all he knows is: he loves soccer (and he’s damn gifted at it), and girls are very pretty but also plenty scary. then he met you, his first love who turned his life upside down and made his stomach roll like the soccer balls he loved to kick around the field. but when your cancer comes back after years in remission, jisung thinks, he doesn’t really want to grow up anymore.
MARK | where do broken hearts go? | @rrxnjun 12k — you know what they say about past lovers that can remain just as friends - either they're still in love with each other, or they never were in the first place.
HAECHAN | home is a feeling | @neonun-au 8.2k — Fresh off a break-up, not willing to stomach spending Christmas single with your family, you book a last minute trip overseas to escape the impending loneliness, not realizing that perhaps running away from your feelings will only serve to intensify them. You arrive at your home-away-from-home only to find you’re not the only one staying there. Through some unfortunate (or not so unfortunate) mistake, the AirBnB you booked has also been booked by a handsome young man looking for a similar escape from his own life. Now you have to choose whether or not to stay and spend your Christmas with a stranger or scramble to find a lonely hotel room last minute over the holidays.
[m] JAEMIN + JENO | the walls are thin | @springseasonie 7.4k — both Jaemin and Jeno have always had a thing for you and were never shy about it either. You always play hard to get, but all of your playing was going to catch up with you sooner or later.
[m] HAECHAN | dirty mouth | @jjsneo 6.9k — Haechan is the best roommate anyone could ever ask for. He’s good company, he cooks, he cleans, and he always pays his rent on time. But just like any roommate, he has some quirks. And your favourite is when quiet Haechan turns into a loud, foul-mouthed dirty gamer.
[m] MARK | the best man | @mrkis 6.5k — meeting the one for you at your best friend's wedding wasn't exactly how you imagined this day turning out, neither was fucking him in the bathroom of the venue.
[m] HAECHAN | pretty in pink, but my head's in the dark | @ddeonuism 6.1k — afab!reader, roommate au
JENO | i (have/had) a crush on you | @hannie-dul-set 5.8k — running into a past crush at your best friend’s birthday party wouldn’t have been so bad if he wasn’t— well— all that.
[m] JISUNG | flowers | @jjsneo 5.8k — jisung is completely fine with a friends with benefits arrangement with you. at least that’s what he thought — until he spots a mystery bouquet of flowers at your place (that he definitely didn’t send) and he can’t quite shake the thought. now his behaviour is starting to shift in unexpected ways.
[m] MARK | drive | @lisired 3.5k — behold mark lee - your hot uber driver who you keep getting. very embarrassing. you also fuck him.
[m] JUNGWOO | citrine | @smileysuh 3.2k — life with your surfer boyfriend only ever sees blue skies, and plump lips glisten with the citrine juices of summer
CHENLE | can't spell sex without an ex | 2.4k — you and chenle are broken up. except the both of you are just not very good at remembering that.
. . .
sry for the delay in recs :(( but! i'll have more coming soon DONT U WORRY
xoxo
#nct fic recs#nct fic rec#nct imagine#nct smut#nct127#nct 127 fic#nct 127#nct dream#nct#nct u#nct imagines#nct fic#nct fics#nct dream imagines#nct127 imagines#nct127 fic recs#nct au#nct aus#nct scenarios#nct dream fluff#nct 127 fic recs#jaehyun fic#jaehyun imagines#jaehyun fic recs#haechan x reader#haechan imagines#haechan au#haechan fic recs#haechan smut#renjun imagines
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Impossibly Real II
Y’all loved Part 1 and honestly were so sweet about it. I had to wrap up their story in return 💗
——————————————————
Harry knocks on my door and I open it before he's even done. I was excited for this date, I really think this was going to be a good one.
That didn’t stop me, however, from having mad jitters while getting ready. In the end I settled on wearing a silky pink skirt and with a fuzzy pastel pink sweater that was my favourite go-to. I paired it with white boots (still heeled) and some gold accessories. I was feeling myself.
As soon as Harry sees me in the doorway he takes a step back. “Wow. You look…stunning.”
I feel my cheeks heat, unused to this kind of attention from Harry. And I could tell he meant it—it wasn’t just a cheap compliment to get in my pants. I try not to show my internal squirming. “Thank you. You look very handsome!”
“Ah,” he waves the compliment away. “You see me wear this sort of thing to work all the time.”
“I know but you shaved,” I reach out to touch his face and then think better of it. We hadn’t even gone further than my door yet.
“I did,” he rubs his face like I wanted to.
“I like the smell of your aftershave,” I say as we get onto the lift and the smell bounces off the four walls.
He leans all the way down so that his neck is beside my face. I giggle—god, I actually giggle. I feel an overwhelming desire to rub my nose against the heat of his skin but I keep my freak hidden and fake an exaggerated whiff instead.
“C’mon,” Harry holds his hand out and we head out to the tube, my hand securely wrapped in his; I feel giddy just holding his hand.
This was going to be the best date ever.
I mean, it was still weird going on a date with my neighbour. For one, he had to only close the door to his home, turn around, and knock on my door to pick me up. For another, I'd seen Harry a million times since I moved in last year and not once did I ever think we would be doing this.
Harry and I talk all the way to the place about a new Netflix show we were both watching. It's light conversation, we don't acknowledge the fact that we're actually doing a proper date. That we were both mega into each other. It's almost like we were simply traveling into work and casually chatting 'til we reached our destination.
The restaurant—Harry’s pick, is tucked onto a street corner near Soho, the window shades are blackened except for a fancy script. Island X.
“I’ve never heard of the place.”
“It just opened a couple months ago,” Harry holds the door open for me; who said chivalry was dead.
“Wow,” I marvel at the interiors. It’s like someone took the Great Gatsby and worked it with wood tones and orange lighting. And monstera plants.
“That’s a lot of monsteras.”
“What?” Harry asks.
“Monsteras?” I wave my hand at all the ginormous planters but Harry’s attention is to the front of the line.
“Monsteras?” He asks, eyes still forward. “Like. The Lil Nas x song?”
“What?” I crinkle my brow. But then it clicks and I can’t help but laugh. “Oh my god you think I’m talking about-“
“Hiya!” The hostess interrupts me and I cover my mouth.
“Are you laughing at me?” Harry whispers as we follow to our table.
“Yes,” I wipe my tears as we’re lead to a cozy corner. I’m even tucked into my seat!
“Wow I’ve never been to someplace as fancy as this?”
“Really?” Harry’s face flits with a microsecond of an emotion I can’t read. “I thought maybe this was your scene.”
“Oh no,” I shake my head. “This is very fancy. I’m kinda low brow.”
“Oh,” his eyebrows knit together and he fiddles with his napkin. “Some woman at work suggested it.”
“Oh who?” I ask. Harry’s spoken to me about work before, I thought maybe it was a coworker I knew.
“Just someone that works on the same floor.” He pulls his glass of water close to him. “She’s just a friend.”
“Oh I didn’t mean it like…” I trail off. Why would he think I was being jealous?
Suddenly the awkwardness of the situation washes over me. I was on a date. With my neighbour. If this didn't end well we were screwed. I would lose my only friend in the entire neighbourhood! It would be painful to live next door to each other! At least until one of us found a partner or one of us moved out of the complex.
The pressure of it all makes my ears ring.
“Right,” Harry clears his throat as the waiter approaches and starts to scan the wines. “Any of the wines look good to you?”
I stare at Harry while he buries his nose in the menu. Somehow I felt like I already messed up. Maybe all of these bad dates had one thing in common: me.
God, I couldn’t even make it work with a friend.
Harry glances up. I guess I forgot to respond. Before he could notice I’d been too busy staring I start to scan the menu.
“D’you mind red?” I ask.
“Sure. Which red do you recommend?” Harry asks the waiter. I think it’s cute he asks. Dates in the past have pretended to know the difference between all the names and then ordered something that usually tasted like dog shite.
They discuss the wine and I pretend to nod here and there while I browse the dinner menu. Obviously I had studied it after getting dressed tonight. I knew what was safe for me to get (pasta or seafood) and what would cause a big mess (burgers).
“I’m gonna guess what you’ll order.” Harry says once we’re alone again.
“You really think you know me well enough?”
“Yeah. I think I know you well enough.”
“I don’t think so.” He might have a lucky guess but we hadn’t eaten out together enough for him to know my taste. Plus what I wanted and what I was going to order tonight would be two different things.
“I bet you I know. I’m so confident I’m not even going to say it right now. I’ll just order for you when the waiter comes back.”
“Are we confident or cocky?” I tease.
“Confident,” he says but he drapes his arms back against his chair and relaxes, giving an f-boy cocky pose. I laugh, grateful for the reprieve of living in my thoughts.
“Ready to order?” The waiter asks after pouring our wine. It was a nice balanced wine that was helping me relax.
Harry orders his meal and then looks up at me, “She’ll get the Organic Highland Prime Burg-“
“Actually,” I cut him off. Harry looks at me with his sure smile but I shake my head. It falls immediately.
I feel bad but I just couldn’t eat a burger at a fancy place like this on a first date. I’d done it before and it had not gone over well. Think White Chicks but instead of a Terry Crews it was a Ben Shapiro.
“Sorry,” I point to the safe item. “I’ll do the Blackened Lobster Lasagna.”
“Great choice.” The waiter says something else but I’m too preoccupied with how much worse I was making the date.
“Really?” Harry asks. The waiter pauses as he looks between Harry and I and I start to flush.
“Yeah. I’m fine.” It comes out more curt than I intended and Harry just nods.
“Sorry.” I apologize to Harry again once the waiter leaves. “I didn’t really want something messy.”
“Oh. Yeah it’s alright.” He smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. "The lasagna does sound really good.”
“Right? I think it'll be really good.” I hear myself talking and want to stab myself. Really. Because this king of small talk was what I fell back on talking about when a date was going bad.
I had to redeem this. This couldn’t be a bad date. This was just Harry.
“This wine’s good too,” Harry says as he puts his glass down on the edge just as I yank my foot out from under the table to show him my shoes, yanking the table cloth in the process.
“So my shoes-“
“Shit!”
His wine tips over onto my white boots and we stare at them as the stain spreads.
“Napkin-“ Harry’s voice snaps me out of the spiral I’d found myself in as I watched wine seep into my coveted shoes.
Harry’s leaning over patting it down but I yank my foot away. This was incredibly embarrassing; everyone around us was watching the scene we were making.
“We need water-“
“I’m going to the toilet,” I announce. Harry looks up sharply, his face is panicked.
“I’m sorry yn I-“
“S’cuse,” I don’t mean to brush him away but with all the eyes on me and the fact that I kept finding ways to ruin this date—this date that was supposed to be perfect, my eyes were pricking with tears. I needed a breather.
“Shite,” I sigh as I balance on one foot in the toilets and try to wipe the stain in the sink. But red wine stained badly just like my performance on every date I’ve ever been on.
“Get yourself together,” I say to myself in the mirror. “Harry is amazing and you’re fucking all this up! Shoes are temporary, finding a good man can take forever! Snap! Out! Of! It!”
I do some deep breaths and one last attempt at cleaning my shoe before I make my way out.
“Yn I’m so sorry,” Harry stands as I return. “I’m so clumsy tonight I didn’t mean to-“
“Harry it’s fine,” I put my hand on his arm. “Honestly.”
“The stain didn’t come out!” He notices the shoes. “I’ll replace them—send me a bill or…”
I don’t have the heart to tell them he couldn’t replace my £400 Acne boots that easily. I’d bought them a couple seasons ago to celebrate the fact that I’d finally gone out with a guy, and hadn’t thought about my ex once. They were I’m-officially-over-my-ex boots.
Now that I thought about it though, it was stupid to wear them on a date with Harry. They were soaked in the bad luck of all the dates they’d been on since.
Agh!
“I’m serious Har,” I cut him off from his plans to replace them. I take a deep breath and motion he should do the same. “Look, it’s really fine. Plus they’re my favourite colour now. They’ll go with the rest of my wardrobe.”
He stops apologizing and looks down at the splotch of pink on the white. “In that case. We’ll have to take the bottle home and stain the other one.”
“Deal,” I say and he smiles at me softly and it feels like things might go better now. Maybe we really had a chance.
When our food arrives Harry’s steak isn’t done how he asked, and they take it back. I awkwardly push around the food on my plate, not wanting to eat until he had his food too.
“You can eat,” Harry reminds me. “I’m sure it’ll be out any minute.”
“We can share for no-“
“Just eat,” Harry says but now all the focus is on me eating and I feel tense and awkward and quite frankly, frustrated.
I shouldn’t have piled so much hope on this date going perfectly.
We wave the waiter over when too much time has passed by, and he seems confused about the steak.
“D’you think they forgot?” I ask Harry.
“Maybe,” he looks frustrated, two spots of pink have taken residence on his cheeks. I feel bad. This date wasn’t turning out for both of us.
It takes another 10 minutes for his plate to come back out. By then my plate looks like I hated it but tried to eat it to be polite. Harry tries to ask if it can be heated but I’m way too non-confrontational in restaurants to let that happen so I shovel a mouthful of room temperature food and give the waiter a thumbs up.
I just wanted to go home.
By the time Harry pays the bill (it was expensive, even though we agreed to skip dessert. He insisted on paying) I was ready to call an uber to whiz us home. But he suggests we walk off the food to another station and it sounds like a good idea so I follow along. Maybe now we could have a nice time.
The walk was supposed to help clear our heads and be romantic but somehow the mood had soured beyond repair. We don’t talk the whole time, both of us lost in our own heads. Neither of us holds hands, or even loop arms.
And somehow it gets worse when we arrive at my door.
"Well this is me," Harry points to his door beside mine in an attempt at a joke. I throw a polite smile.
"Thanks for the date," I say. I feel like it's a little curt but I didn't really know how to act. Did we hug? Shake hands? We liked each other but clearly this date was proving we didn't belong together. Kissing each other goodnight felt like the opposite direction of tonight's vibe.
"No, thank you. And sorry. Again." Harry looks embarrassed as he glances down at my shoes.
"Harry, honestly it's okay," I try to reassure him. I would take walking ten miles in heels I had yet to break in than this awkward air that stifled us. It was never supposed to be like this!
"No it's not," Harry huffs. "I ruined your shoes."
"They're shoes. Just shoes."
"It's a first date, I don't want you thinking I'm a clumsy mess."
"Harry," I lean my back against my door. He looked so good tonight, I was so excited when I opened my door to him a few hours ago and everything had gone tits up. I didn't want him to feel this way. It was my fault, not his.
"I just," he rubs his face and then sighs.
"It wasn't that bad," I lie. The night had gone so badly.
"Yes it is!" He throws his hands up and the movement makes me flinch. "Fuck. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. God, everything's just..."
I blink and my eyes start to sting. It was the end of the night and we'd officially decided this wasn't going anywhere. It wasn't a shock, but still it was upsetting. I really liked him. I really thought things would work out between us, especially after that night with my heels in his bathroom. I had to call it.
"I should go in. I'll see you later Harry."
His brows scrunch up, he opens his mouth and then closes it. "G'night yn."
"G'night." I whisper. He stays there like he always does as I go into my flat. I peek through the peephole and catch him mouth a fuck before opening his own door.
Still in my outfit, my shoes kicked off to the side, I start to pace. I can't do anything except go over the date in my head.
Was there a particular moment I fucked up? Should I have said something differently? How did Harry and I go from having amazing chemistry and an honest friendship to this?
Maybe I was trying too hard. I should have just ordered the burger like he’d guessed, should have gone along with what he talked about. I should have been a better date.
That was it. I couldn't go to bed like this.
The fact that every time I had a shot at a date, a real chance, something had to go wrong and it was always me. I had to fix this.
I grab the doorknob, and pause. I was about to march right into Harry's flat and ask why the date went so terribly. But what was the point? It would just make things even more awkward.
I think about the last time we hung out. There was beer. Maybe we just need beer—no hundred pound dish or fancy red wine. We just needed to be us. Lowbrow beers and a relaxed environment.
I grab a jacket to throw over my outfit and slip into my Stan Smiths. I head downstairs and in the direction of the local shop for a 6-pack. We would drink beer in our flat and get over this awful date. This couldn't be the last of us.
As I cash out a familiar head of hair in the closest aisle catches my attention.
"Harry?"
"Yn?" He's dressed down in joggers and a jumper.
"What are you doing here?" I ask.
"Grabbing dessert," he shakes the plastic container with donuts inside. "What are you doing here?"
I hold my box up. His eyes widen slightly, a frown touches his lips for a mere second before he arranges his face into a neutral expression.
"All for yourself?" He asks.
"No actually-“ I'm about to launch into what I was going to do but the cashier clears his throat and stares pointedly at Harry. He was holding up the line now.
"Oh sorry," he walks up to the counter and pays for his items. I stand off to the side and we walk out together.
"So you were saying?" He asks.
"Well. I was coming to your place with these."
"You were?" He stops in the middle of the sidewalk to ask.
"Yeah!"
"You're not joking?"
"No!" I laugh. "Why?"
"I..." he looks down at his box and swallows what he was saying. "Let me guess, was it a bad date?"
When he looks at me it's a cheeky look. I almost want to kiss him there.
"Another bad date yep," I tell him and we start to walk towards home.
"Was it the bloke?"
"Not exactly, I think a lot of it had to do with me."
"You sure the date wasn't an arse?"
"No he was sweet. He was very chivalrous, I really thought it was just going to go smoother."
"What do you reckon happened?" He asks. We were both enjoying playing this game. Quite frankly it was combing out the awkwardness.
"I dunno. For one I really wanted a burger but I got in my head and got lasagna instead. When do I ever eat lasagna!?” Harry laughs unexpectedly and it makes me feel good so I continue. “I started thinking about all of my failed dates and almost-relationship. I tried not to make this one date turn out like them but that was my mistake.”
“Sounds like it’s tough being you,” he teases. I push him lightly.
“Well if you could put yourself in our shoes what do you think happened?"
"I think your date got a bit nervous." He responds. By now we've reached our lobby and we take the lift up. "He's not used to going on dates—didn’t he have a steady girlfriend for 3 years? That's 3 years with 0 first dates. He didn’t want to screw things up and he was so in his head about the fact that he took her to an overly fancy place when that wasn’t her scene-“
“It’s not. But it was a cute place. Just poor service.”
“Yeah it was shite service—or I heard it was.” We glance at each other and grin. "I heard he split wine on your shoes."
"Psh," I laugh. “The pink stains were on the outside this time not the inside.”
The lift lands on our floor and we hover outside our doors. "Yours or mine?"
"Mine?" Harry opens his door and I follow the familiar hall to the couch I'd sat on just a week ago. I pull my legs up and we crack open beers, each biting into the sugary pillows he'd bought.
“I actually bought dessert so I could have an excuse to knock on your door and talk to you after that date.” Harry confesses after we’ve each had our moment with our donuts.
I feel warm inside, we’d both wanted an epilogue after the date. We were determined, and ended up in the same place. I hold my drink up. “Cheers.”
Harry tilts his head and smiles. He’s gonna be the death of me whether this works out or not, the thought pops into my head.
"I feel like I need to apologize," Harry continues. "I didn't want to mess things up and I think I just overthought it all and-"
"Please." I cut him off. "I totally made everything awkward and I think I'm just cursed."
"I don't know why I thought you would like such a fancy place. As soon as you said you're not into it I felt like I was doomed-"
"I didn't mind it! I just wasn't expecting it from you!"
"You don't think I'm a classy man?"
I laugh, "Just not that uppity on a first date."
"I was trying to pull out all the stops."
"Instead we just full stopped."
That gets a laugh from Harry. It dies down as he asks, "So what do you reckon? Is this a sign we're only meant to be neighborly friends?"
I bite my donut, mulling his question over. The beer and donuts were helping. I felt like I was thinking clearer than I had all night.
"I wouldn't say no."
We sit in silence as we think about it until he moves down the couch and rests his knee against mine.
"I really like you.”
"I like you too," I agree with my heart quickening.
"Then why don't we stop dating and just do this. No dates. Just hanging out."
"I don't know," I say. "I don't mind being wined and dined occasionally. Don’t you?”
"Okay, how about we just hang out. And when hanging out gets boring we put on our going out clothes and wine and dine each other. Think about it," he says and I nod, agreeing.
“Only if when we put on our going out clothes you keep wearing that aftershave.”
“Deal. And you wear your favourite colour each time.”
“Done.” I grin.
"So you wanna watch a movie or something?" He asks.
“Is that a euphemism?” I tease. He turns his TV on and turns to me with a disappointed look. I try not to laugh.
“No yn get your head out of the gutter. A movie. An actual movie.”
I stick my tongue out. "Can we just not watch anything romantic or sad though?”
"Toy Story it is," Harry puts on the film and we lean back against his couch, cuddled into each other. His fingers play with my hair in slow movements that feel comforting.
I wake up a few hours later, the movie long over. Harry's snoring softly, his arm wrapped around me.
I smile to myself. Even after the disaster of a date we were alright.
I nuzzle myself into the crook of his neck, feeling the musky heat of his skin, and drift back off.
***
A knock wakes me.
I open my eyes slowly and look around the room. I wasn't in my room. I was still on the couch, the cushions had done wonders for my back but my neck was stiff.
Harry was still fast asleep, his lips parted, and his arm thrown across his face. He looked so kissable then.
There was another knock, and Harry's arm slips off his face. He sits up, and the knocking resumes.
"Coming!" He shouts as he runs his hands over his face and hair.
He stands and looks back at me, and smiles. He's still sleepy but he's smiling at me.
"Morning." He says.
"Good morning."
He stays there with a dazed smile until I point behind him.
"Door?"
He nods and makes his way over to answer the door.
"Harry Sty-?" a voice asks.
“Yep,” Harry mumbles something I can’t hear. He’s asked to sign whatever it was.
"Thanks," his voice is rough and he clears it.
Closing the door behind him, he throws whatever package he'd received to the floor and walks over to me. "We fell asleep."
"I guess so. I'm still in last night's clothing." My skirt was now wrinkled and my top was half untucked and ridden up my midriff. "What time is it?"
Harry glances at his watch. "Half past 8."
"Shit! I've got work in half hour!"
"Work from here," Harry leans over me on the couch and offers his simple solution.
"I'll have to shower."
"You live next door. Just do your business and come back with your work things. It'll be like old times."
He's inches closer to me, and I really want to kiss him. It's funny we'd done none of that on our first date but now I want a re-do.
"Okay," I whisper.
"Okay," Harry whispers and he closes the distance and kisses me. It was better than our first kiss.
When I pull away I have a stupid smile on my face.
"Go get ready love," Harry laughs and pushes me off the couch. "You'll be late."
"See you later," I wave and walk out the door, smiling because he’d called me love again. And he hadn’t even hesitated.
Harry was right, it was a lot like the old days. In between work meetings, and Harry's calls, we had a lot of time to spend together. We chatted shit, snuck in some kisses, and talked about work.
We don’t go on a second date, instead we order pizza and watch Toy Story 2 (even though we'd fallen asleep in the first one).
Our days together are fun, and the nights were even more fun.
It was a Wednesday, a week and a half after the disastrous date. Harry and I had taken most of the week off and we'd spent it together, and tonight we'd gone out.
It was a great date, nothing fancy or high brow. Just a lowkey pub with a bunch of beers and greasy messy food and tons of laughter.
"So," Harry says as we're walking hand in hand back to our flat. "How many more days of leave do you have?"
"I have four and a half weeks total."
"Woah. That’s a lot."
"Why? You're not regretting this are you? Getting bored of me?" I tease him.
"I've had 29 years to prepare for you," he teases back.
"That's a good one. But I don't think you can handle 4.5 weeks.”
"Try me."
"Fine," I bump my hip into his.
We're silent for the rest of the walk. But it’s a good silence. When we reach the building, Harry takes his time unlocking his door.
"What are you doing?"
"Just waiting," he shrugs and I laugh.
"Do you want me to stay the night?"
"Yes," he answers without any hesitation; in the last week I'd slept in my bed once.
He opens the door pretty quickly after that and I follow inside—tomorrow, tomorrow I would sleep in mine. Harry could join me if he wanted.
Tonight I watch him close the door, the second the lock clicks I'm taking his jacket off for him and he's laughing at my eagerness.
"Someone's impatient."
"I'm not," I lie and drop his jacket.
"No?" He wraps his arms around me, pulling me flush against him. He kisses my jaw, and then the corner of my lips. You'd think I'd be used to this by now but it's just as dizzying as the times before.
I shake my head and his mouth hovers over mine, his hot breath tickling me.
"What about now?" He whispers.
"Nope," I breathe out and I push onto my tippy toes to kiss him. What can I say, I was denying it with him but I'd never been good at the slow and steady stuff. Harry's mouth was a drug, and I couldn't help myself.
He's not slow and steady either.
He's quick to lift me up and set me on the island in his kitchen, his fingers trailing over the edge of my skirt, his mouth working against mine.
His hand cups my ass and his fingers inch closer to my heat.
"Yn," his voice is soft and he pulls away.
"Yes?"
"Did I tell you how radiant you looked tonight? I can’t take my eyes off of you any time I see you, especially when you’re so loudly and comfortably you in your coordinated outfits and elaborate hairstyles. I feel like the luckiest guy out there. I think I am the luckiest guy in the whole city. I catch sight of you in public and…you just take my breath away."
"Aw Har. I’m already yours. You don't have to butter me up," I tease him as I pull him back to me but his words make me weaker than any kiss could. I know my eyes are growing watery at all of the nice things he’s saying and I’m grateful when he pretends not to see.
This was the nicest thing a guy has said to me, he was really telling me that he liked me for me. He felt lucky. Well I must have won the lottery if he felt lucky.
"I know I don't have," he doesn't pull back again but whispers this into my neck. A shiver runs up my spine. "But I just want to tell you that you're so beautiful."
His mouth trails over my jaw, and back to the corner of my mouth, he doesn't kiss me and I want him to.
"So beautiful," he whispers and I tilt my head back to invite him to continue the trail his lips were making. "So sweet."
He kisses my collar bone and the strap of my top. "So lovely."
His hands trail over my thighs and I want him so badly.
"You're making me melt," I tell him.
"Good thing we're in the kitchen," he hums.
"You're the worst," I giggle and his hands cup my cheeks and he presses his lips against mine. His tongue swipes over my lips and I allow him entry.
We're a tangle of limbs as we kiss and kiss, until I can't breathe. When we move to the bedroom I hardly have time to catch my breath there too.
"Yn," his voice is rough, his hair wild. His body is hot against mine and the way he says my name is enough to make me transcend this dimension.
"I like you. A lot."
"I like you too. A lot too." I can barely get the words out as I try to worm my way into his skin.
He chuckles at my growing impatience but he’s too far in to hold back again. He gives in to every one of my needs--even ones I didn't realize I had.
I'm a goner.
As we fall asleep, his arm wrapped tightly around me, I know we did the right thing. Despite being neighbours or the awful first date. The fact that we bumped into each other at the shop later that night meant we were supposed to have a second chance.
We worked best like this: warm and tucked away, whispering confessions into each other’s skin, seeing each other and not caring what we aren’t.
He pulls me closer in his sleep, sighing into my hair. This felt impossible before but it was so real now. And I think I really won the lottery; I’d dated a million toads before but I think I finally found my prince.
TAGLIST:
@kuntxrgraudunkelbunt @mellamolayla
#harry styles fic#writingsfromhome#harry styles x reader#harry styles#harry styles fanfic#harry styles imagine#fic#harry styles fluff#harry styles series#i hope this meets everyones expectations#for how things go between these two#harry styles angst#fanfic#i did not do a lot of edits so dont mind any inconsistencies etc
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Taking the Mikaelsons to a Concert
IK a bitch was gone, but a bitch is back… sparingly. I been on tumblr doing my shit but ummm I started this shit while in highschool like sophomore year… It’s been a year since I graduated college…. Anyway, fuck it we ball bc someone needs ot get this shit wet first with the Mikaelson’s… shout out to @starlightandfairies @wholoveseggs @klausysworld for holding it down. I love everyones work, y'all be feeding the fandom
If it’s snowin’ I ain’t going… leggo (once again, I write this for niggas. Mwah, to freedom)
So primarily I feel like the Mikaelsons would all be down to going to a concert, I mean Nicki, Doja, Lil Nas X, Mariah the Scientist, Chloe Bailey, Drake, Jhene Aiko, Victoria Monet, the Weekend, Kendrick Lamar, Travis Scott--- you get the point. You are the object of their desires and affections so they’ll go…. But what will ensue???
KLAUS
For nosey bitches in the back I got y’all…. This is Klaus finally biting the bullet and taking you to a Nicki concert, the Pink Friday 2 tour!
First, it would take hella time to even get him to go, this man is busy running lives, making hybrids, acting like he a real active party in whatever council shit he bullied his way into in New Orleans, and like running Rebekah’s love life…. He be busy
He probably feels like he should take you out for something, so he asks you what you want. Anything your heart wants he’ll give it no problem: private helicopter tour of NYC, a week in Brazil, couples massage, hell even go see puffins up in Iceland. But you know what your bitch ass asks for?
To see Onika Tanya Maraj…. As you should
This man is staring at you like “Love… who is that?” And you look at him and tell him “Nicki Minaj, Nicki Lewinski, Nicki the Ninja, Nicki the Boss, Nicki The Harajuku Barbie…. Have you not learned????” And he just stares at you in amusement like ‘it’s no Mozart, you modern women have such…. Vulgar tastes… but I will endorse this, for you my love”
Wait till he gets there AHAHAHAAAAA
You’re pulled up in all your glory, pink everything, sunnies on, gloss on, heels as big as his dick… And you know I don’t think Klaus would ever let you put him in pink spandex. But I think he’ll allow like a shirt of Nicki’s face on him, and like maybe a barbie chain on his neck… He’s a hybrid, he can’t be seen out like this (you def sent photos to the rest of the family of this).
I feel like Klaus would be chill af with the crowds and shit, until bitches start getting rowdy when Roman comes on stage. I feel like he’ll just be vibing, but mostly looking at you as you lose your shit
“A 100 MUTHAFUCKA CAN’T TELL ME NOTHING, I BEEZ IN THE TRAP”... bby chill, you’ll sweat that wig off and it’ll slip back. But deadass, it’s like another beast when she comes out and it activates something in you. Like the regular old human that Klaus knew of is gone, and is replaces by a bad bitch that would definitely put her shoe on his neck and he likes that
Funny enough, there is one song that Klaus would know all the words to… Moment for Life-- HEAR MY OUT, DAMN. Ok, the song is about literally getting everything you want and being at a point where no one can touch you or even fathom to be at your height of success or clout. Klaus Mikaelson gets whatever he wants, no one touches him-- or if they do, they won’t live long enough to tell the tale. King shit, so imagine your surprise when you hear this man over everyone else singing along and being into it
Yeah, did that shit. “What I tell 'em hoes? Bow, bow, bow to me, drop down to ya knees” Drake type man…. And towards the end just reminisce of all the people, woman, children, and villages he pillaged to get where he is now… mentally deranged, having a god complex and inferiority complex at the same damn time, and daddy issues while treating his siblings like his own dad LMFAOOOO
Good luck Klaus whores
And then when she starts bringing in old shit like the songs with Sean Kingston or Gyptian…. Oh boy, I know that man is catching a whine as you yell at him “YOU’RE SO PRETTY AND YOU’RE NICE YUH DUN KNO SEH NICKI AS YO WIFE” Ik you bitches telling Klaus exactly that and putting emphasis on wife bc where tf this Icelandic viking silverback think he going????
But as the show goes on, it’s a cute experience between you two as you guys kinda switch roles and you get to be super unhinged and rock out with the other people there and go bar for bar. Like you couldn’t fuck Michael Kors if you was FUCKIN’ Michael Kors
dabs sweat off my forehead
He’s happy to take you home and baby you when you come from the energy drop, but he will be wondering were that energy comes from bc you ain’t putting all that work in when he fucks you soooooo
REBEKAH
Ok so for this one…. Give me a Lil Nas X, Doja Cat, and Rico Nasty ass collab in a concert (bc that’s my dream lineup and y’all can take all my money). I feel like Rebekah needs the girl power and the gays for this so let me cook
I deadass feel you wouldn’t need to convince her of shit, she’d be the one to ask if you wanted to go because she’s heard some of their songs via you jamming in the bathroom and just booked tickets as soon as you said yes. Hey, it’s to make you happy and you deserved to be pampered-- and she’s trying to get in her modern experiences since she was in a box for a long ass time
1st song is Montero, it has to be she definitely wants to fucked out from the jet lag and becoming part of the mile high club-- it’s her thing. Plus she loves the glitter and probably being two glitter gay/bi/whatever floats your boat people that are dressed in matching outfits, but different color combos. Titties are out, and y’all are sprayed down in glitter
Then after that I feel like it would be Rico Nasty coming in hot with “SLAP A BITCH” and I know you and Rebekah felt this song on a spiritual level, so it’s both you screaming in each others faces while she has her arms wrapped around you bc she loves love.
Then it pops off with “STFU” bc a lot fo y’all hoes needs to take a seat and shut the fuck up when big bitches are in the room… anyways, personal issues. A lot of y’all do not need a mic and are not the big titty bitches y’all make yourself out to be… and take the mics away from podcast men, please. I BEG
But anyways, it’s really a whole anthem to all the rock/rap alt girlies out here. Rebekah isn’t used to the music, but she can get buck wild to it, especially when it comes down to Doja and RIco when they interchange with “Swamp Bitches”.... That’s my shit ngl
Nah bc opening a verse with “I WISH DEATH ON ALL YOU BITCHES” was insane… love you Rico <3 That song makes you wanna fight ever bitch in the state that ever did you wrong, every bitch working at goodwill that couldn’t take your brothers army discount bc you wasn’t personally in the army, the wack ass bitch at the post office that didn’t want to work there that day, and that grandma down the block that keep eyeing you and telling you that you ain’t hot shit… she wasn’t even hot shit when Project C hit the neighborhood and niggas were getting sprayed with hoses
Anyways
I truly feel like she’d appreciate the girl time with you, and just to be, and have her shit out and have fun. It’s what she deserves
KOL
THERE IS NO HEAR ME OUT YOU WILL LISTEN: NF
I know I been on the black artists wave, but for the niggas that really be feeling shit NF just knows and I feel like with Kols past of always being the forgotten sibling, not being i the pack of “always and forever”, dying all the fucking time, and getting treated like shit by everyone else unless they need to minute magical thing that’s super important he’s left in the dark
He is the most self-aware sibling out of everyone out this fuck ass family. And I feel for him honestly, being the black sheep, being the outcast. Being able to use your magic when you were a witch and then all of a sudden you can’t do that shit anymore because you’re dumb ass mom wants to make y’all fucking vampires and freaks of nature and then wants to kill you, like it was your fault in the first place? Shit was really whack.
Like he calls his family and siblings out for having a para social relationship that is super into emotional and measurements, and having no boundaries whatsoever, killing other peoples lovers, putting them in coffins just so Klaus doesn’t feel like he’s losing his siblings because he can always take them whenever he goes. But they’re still in a box, they’re not living life they’re not being happy. And that just shows how much class is really his daddy‘s son, even though his dad really isn’t his dad because his mom cheated on, her husband with a werewolf. And Kol clocks all of that.
So I feel that he would really vibe with NF, I really do. Therapy session, intro, hope, all of those songs the whole album really would have him crying in your arms at sometime around midnight when he just came over to listen to some tunes and have a good time, and I feel like you introduce NF to him. He gets hugged, and he knows that NF is speaking about his life someway somehow and it just really hits him and he just cries in your arms for that time
I don’t care how corny you think this man is, this is real music and he writes about things that are real, and that happens to him. The song mansion is legitimately about Kol’s life with being being abandoned and abused by his own family, and his own father, as class was taking most of the beatings, he still had to watch all of that. But being the middle child that he was, he just was overlooked, and that probably speaks as to why he acted out and didn’t get any of attention that he deserves.
And I feel that as Kol gets into a relationship relationship with you, you being his black queen, because I know that man was up in Hady for some reason helping him with the revolution. He just doesn’t give a fuck does what he wants to do so it makes sense why he would be with the black woman because it’s just everything, they are on earthly, they are Wisdom and magic and chest seal combined into a specific human type. And I love this for them, I love this for me.
But anyways, back to the subject at hand. I feel like you, dear reader, would surprise Kol with NF tickets because he’s been wanting to go for a long time, and you guys went dress up any fancy just probably black, cute little combat, boots and things like that. And then just head to the show. But as soon as the show starts, he probably starts off with one of his hard hitters. I’m imagining either therapy session, or mansion to really get the tears going. And it’s really just the two of you standing side-by-side, maybe even hand and hand shouting every single lyric word for word, and just letting out all the shadow work and trauma, that you two have built up over the past couple years, granted Kol is Literally hundreds of years old, and you’re probably someone your 20s or 30s. But trauma is trauma and y’all need to deal with that.
Bc deadass, these lyrics are Kol: “What's my definition of success? Listening to what your heart says. Standing up for what you know is. Right, while everybody else is” because in every single episode, when Kol says not to mess with some dumb shit that causes about to fucking do everyone else ignores him, even Elijah, and they fuck around and find out, and they all of a sudden need help. And then complain like no one told them exactly what the fuck was going to happen in the first place. This man is always right, and he needs people to listen more to him. He’s been listening to what his heart says, he’s been going out and meeting new people and trying to live a life that he would really be proud of. Even though he’s very much unhinged and still acts out because he wants to be king of the world and wants to have some form of control like Klaus has because he knows that he can never get away from Klaus.
And then, when I feel like it’s towards the end of the show, and NF finally drops, hope, I feel like that’s when Kol really starts to let go of things a little bit, and really start listening to lyrics and make a promise to himself with like, maybe fighting against his dark side, a little bit of all the things that he’s known, and then just digging himself a deeper hole. He wants to actually get better for you, and for himself to have a healthy relationship. Because he’s never had that in his life, and you’re just not a play thing to him at all.
“Thirty years of running, thirty years of searching. Thirty years of hurting, thirty years of pain. Thirty years of fearful, thirty years of anger. Thirty years of empty, thirty years of shame. Thirty years of broken, thirty years of anguish…. I’m taking the reins” so it’s really just him taking the reins of his life, and just making it better than whatever it actually was. And I hope that can be therapy, I really do. But this whole concert experience would really just be a gigantic therapy session for Cole, but also having fun with you because there’s no one else that he would let see that vulnerable and that lively and have his whole façade slip down like that besides you.
But he’d be a Drake fan, Travis Scott, and probably XXXtentacion… he’s still a menace, but he’s a healed menace…. well, healing.
ELIJAH
Here is the black womans whore himself… and my man *does the debby ryan*
I know that Elijah appreciates music in general, that man literally writes his own concertos, plays the piano, plays the violin. He is classically trained. And I expect nothing less. Honestly, he really is him. And he is also still very much worse than Klaus, even though he would like to believe that he is not.
Honestly, I don’t think you would really have to introduce Elijah to rap or hip-hop music. I feel like he would already be in Erykah Badu fan, probably really like the Beastie Boys, was into old school, underground in New York, hip-hop and rap. He was probably there, underground, too, for shits and giggles when he wanted a break. So no, I don’t think you would have to introduce him to hip-hop, maybe to a couple artists and everything. But, that doesn’t need help with that department
I feel like Elijah would definitely be a Kendrick, Lamar, J. Cole fan in the rap game and even Lil Wayne too. But I want to get into some good old Tom foolery before I say my crème de la crème.
With the whole Kendrick, J. Cole and Drake beef, that’s happening, I don’t think that Elijah would ever take any sides. But I do feel like he would definitely keep up with the news, even though you wouldn’t expect them to, with the whole suit and everything.
To start off, I feel like you being the reader would bring up the whole rap beef thing to Elijah. Since two weeks ago, you already brought up the Megan Thee Stallion versus Nicki Minaj rap beef that was happening. And now, this time it is Kendrick versus everyone, fuck the big three it’s just big me nigga BUM
And I feel like it would be brought up during lunch or something since you guys have lunch together, and you’re just giving him the whole play-by-play and then letting him listen to the song. And I feel like you need to play a couple times for him, so he really gets to like listen to lyrics and understand because one thing about it is…. Metro dissed everyone in morse code
NAHHHHH CUZ YALL NOT HEARING HIMMMM BEEP BEEP BOOP NIGGA
Mans said “BUM” with his chest
Like I know, J. Cole was on his bike on his way to the studio. As soon as he heard what Kendrick Lamar said, but then again, he could also not be doing anything because he’s not the type to just be on Rappy just to get some shit going you know?
But anyways, I feel like Elijah would totally indulge in this, and he would write down a whole play-by-play with what everything means because the power money and respect? “Sweetheart, Drake is the money, Jermaine Coke is the respect, and Kendrick is the power….” I can fully foresee that man giving you a dissertation on every single line and lyric and how it is a jab at every single one of them, and the meaning is behind it. You got not only a history professor, but one of the great literary investigators of all time for no reason.
I feel like Elijah is low-key. Also waiting for Drake and J. Cole to respond to what Kendrick said about them. And he’s so messy, for he really is, because he acts all high and mighty but he’s really waiting for the gossip about what people about to say
But moving along from the rat beef, I really do feel like this man would be a Lil Wayne fan because Lil Wayne was setting a standard early in the 2000s and probably even before then about how he really is one of the best rappers out there. Like, no one else was doing it like him and no one else doesn’t like him, and will never do it like him. You would catch yourself humming to a Lil Wayne, and I feel like that man would pick it up instantly, and just go bar for bar on whatever humming note that you were on and it’s amazing, but it seems so out of character for him, but it’s really not.
Because this concert is going to be one hell of a trip because first and foremost he is not going there with a suit on, you’re going to have to get this man to be casual. Which shouldn’t be hard because he loves you, you’re his little chocolate drop, pumpkin. But putting this man in a leather jacket and some jeans and whatever shoes that are comfortable for him to wear at this concert is gonna be one thing. Fighting off other bitches while in the crowd is going to be another thing entirely as well.
But listening to him, actually let lose for the good two hours that you’ll be there at the concert screaming at your lungs, and listening to this man stay on rhythm beat and have actual breath control when he’s going for a speed to is going to be insane in mind melting
Let’s be honest, you wanna fuck this man on the regular basis just because he’s him. But you’re telling me that he’s cultured and he can wrap and knows what the fuck he’s talking about?
Coochie hours have been extended
And it gets even worse when he knows that this turns you on so anytime that you turn back to look at him he’s already looking at you, wrapping the verse with little to no effort and giving you those bad eyes because he just knows. He knows what he’s doing to you and you have no Other choice but to either look away or to hold eye contact because we both know this is gonna end up messy when you guys get back to the Airbnb or hotel room
“I said, "He's so sweet, make her wanna lick the wrapper" So I let her lick the rapper”, and this mans eyes are dead set on you and his gives the lip bite… Yeah yeah… time for me to gooooo
#tvd x reader#elijah mikealson x reader#elijah mikaelson x reader#black reader#black y/n#black!reader#klaus mikealson x reader#klaus mikaelson x reader#rebekah mikaelson x reader#kol mikaelson x reader#elijah mikaelson x black reader#klaus mikaelson x black reader#the originals imagine#elijah mikaelson imagine#klaus mikaelson imagine#rol mikaelson imagine
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i LOVED the darry x motherly!reader and i’d love to know more about the relationship that ponyboy and johnny have with reader
PB.C and J.C x motherly!reader
!warnings!
1.fem!reader
2.platonic fic
3.darry x reader is said through out the fic!
4.minor mentions of abuse and violence.
dude?? they literally love you so much???
they are so thankful for you. like actually, they think you were sent from heaven.
ponyboy looks up to you so much oh my god.
he tells you EVERYTHING and when he goes out with you he follows you EVERYWHERE
he is like a lost puppy.
“where are we going y/n?”
“well, *i* was going to get groceries for your house.”
“oh! can i get a snack while we’re there?”
“..yeah sure pony. as long as you eat.”
when walking around the store with him he’s holding the bottom of your shirt because he’s scared ‘you’ll get lost.’
he’s the one that always gets lost.
he forces you to read to him when he’s tired.
he just does!! he puts those puppy eyes to good use fr.
and you fall for it every time. you know why?? cuz you see him like a little brother or a son.
i know you do. it isn’t good to lie to the author.
you will do anything for him and you believe he can do NO WRONG.
when he ran away?
“darry, he’s just a kid. he was scared, c’mon. give ponyboy a break.”
if he jumped someone?
“hey, at least we know you’re strong now! good job!”
if he killed someone??
“oh, he’s just being silly. tell them you didn’t mean it ponyboy.”
“i ain’t mean to shoot the guy 12 times.”
back to the topic of him telling you everything!!
he told you abt his lil crush on cherry valance and you felt like a proud mother.
“yea…she’s just a real looker.”
“AHHHHHH!!!—i mean, that’s so great ponyboy.”
he’s so embarrassed when you ask for updates about her.
I MENTIONED IN THE OTHER FIC THAT HE CALLS YOU MA IN PRIVATE SO..
when you stop reading he’ll go,
“why’d you stop reading, ma?”
or if you need help carrying in groceries he’ll say, “do you need any help ma?” in a quiet voice so the gang doesn’t hear him.
normalize giving ponyboy beat hugs!!! he loves them!!! but he gets embarrassed!!!
johnny is your biggest fan ever.
EVER.
he talks to you about everything.
“y/n, did i tell you about the ladybug i saw today?”
“yeah johnny, you did.”
“oh…well did i tell you about the grease i saw getting arrested?”
“pardon me johnnycakes?”
he rants to you about everything and anything.
and you just listen while you rub his back with your hand.
when his mom yells at him, he rushes to see you.
and your heart just hurts when you see him cry about that.
but he’s so glad that you’re there to help him, to give him the motherly love he needs.
he isn’t big on showing you physical affection, but he will give you gifts.
he steals pretty flowers for you, he’ll give you cigarettes if you smoke, and he’ll even steal a few things for you.
he will cry if you bake him treats.
he loves homemade goods, so if you make him some cookies he will tear up and say thank you.
even though johnny ain’t very intimidating compared to your boyfriend, he still tries.
if he’s with you and some guy tries to hit on you he shows up outta no where and just goes,
“aye! you know she got a boyfriend right? he’s real tuff, so don’t try anything funny.”
“yea? is that supposed to be you?”
“na, darry curtis!”
the mfs apologizing and scurrying away in fear.
nobody wants that smoke from darry😭😭
for mothers day ponyboy and johnny get together to write you a cute little card, separate from the gangs card.
johnny has one side of the card while ponyboy has the other.
“dear y/n, this is johnny. i just want to say, happy mothers day. i ain’t very well off with my words but, i hope you can understand. i want to thank you, i know i don’t do it often but..i hope you know i’m thankful. for everything and anything you do. if you and darry didn’t meet, i think i would’ve lost my mind. so uh, again, happy mothers day. keepin’ this short and sweet.”
“dear y/n, happy mothers day! me and johnny are making a separate card from the gang because…they aren’t…civil in anyway. like what johnny said, i want you to know im thankful for you. these past few months were tough, but you made them bare able. you know what situation im talking about by now, don’t you? but, thank you. i’m forever grateful for you y/n. im glad darry found you.”
author notes ;
1.thought it was fitting for mothers day since it’s tomorrow <3
2.maybe ooc LOLLL
3.thank you sweetheart for the compliment <3
may 13th, 2023. 5:26
#2knightt#the outsiders#the outsiders x reader#johnny x reader#johnny cade x reader#ponyboy x reader#ponyboy curtis x reader#platonic the outsiders#platonic#motherly!reader
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Invisible Bonds: The Power of Destiny
Author's Note: This fanfic contains possible strong language and explores themes of unconventional love. The relationship between the protagonists will be handled with sensitivity, without explicit scenes. If there are explicit scenes, readers will be warned. This fanfic focuses on the reader's relationship with Jungkook and Taehyung, separately.
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Chapter Fourteen
It was days of waiting for either of them to come back to the hospital to visit you. What to do, maybe you're a hypocrite. Sending two handsome men away and now wanting them back It seems a bit silly even to you. Your mother didn't leave your side, not for a minute. She only stepped away when some of your other friends came to visit. Namjoon, Yoongi, Hoseok, Jin, and Jimin. They all came here to spend a few hours, or in the case of Jimin and Hoseok, the whole day with you. You can safely say that you understand what Jungkook and Taehyung mean to you, but without remembering them, it hardly matters. It's been almost three days since you returned home, and neither of them has shown up at your house. According to your mother, both of them call her. She said that despite not understanding your romantic life, she's happy that you'll definitely marry well. You're not so sure if she's right, but you don't know if you have an open enough relationship to tell her that you don't remember wanting to marry anyone. Your mother was a great caregiver, but you're feeling more liberated now that she's back home. And your first task is to go downstairs to fetch the mail. Using crutches makes it incredibly difficult to descend the stairs in your building.
"You need some help?" You look ahead and come face to face with Jungkook, who seems to have just come from a run, his hair wet and his face slightly sweaty. Truth be told, what a handsome man.
"I'd really appreciate it if you could help me with these crutches. Grabbing mail with them seems to be impossible." You say in response, not looking directly at him. There's always the risk of getting lost in his gaze and giving the wrong impression.
"Let me help you with that." He says, using the keys in your hand to open your mailbox. You take a deep breath, feeling Jungkook's scent fill the air of the lobby. He then places your mail in your hands and takes your crutches, handing them to you. You look at him with confusion, wondering what his plan is. Then he firmly puts his arm around you, lifting you up and placing you in his arms.
"You know that's not what I meant when I accepted your help, right?" You speak as he carries you to your apartment, which by the way, you're not sure how he's managing. Maybe he's a supernatural being, huh?
"All I know is that you're not in a condition to go up and down alone. I guess what you're trying to say is thank you." He doesn't seem too pleased. You look at him a little embarrassed.
"I'll put you down now, so get ready." He speaks as you search for a good response to give him. Nothing comes to mind. Maybe this accident has affected your ability to interact.
"Look, I... would like to apologize. I was rude that day at the hospital. Maybe because I'm confused. Maybe it's because..." Again, your ability to think of what to say escapes you. But Jungkook seems to be amused by this.
"Because I want you, Taehyung wants you, and you have no idea what you want?" He says, opening the door to the apartment for you. You then smile. It's funny to be in a confusing love triangle.
"Can I be honest with you? Like really honest?" You speak as you look into his eyes, now standing face to face with him just after he opened the door.
"It's hard to imagine a moment when you haven't been like this with me, but okay, be honest. Give me the truth, I can take it." Jungkook says playfully, which seems quite charming.
"Wanting isn't the issue. I don't even remember you guys, and I could easily want both of you back, with reciprocity. The problem is that you both seem to have deep feelings, something I don't have. And I hate to break it to you, I don't want to discover feelings." You say, being as honest as you can possibly be. The proximity between you two becomes more physical, giving you a sense that perhaps Jungkook is less disappointed than you imagine.
"When we talk about wanting, you mean..." Jungkook seems to be teasing, which is quite pleasant. Flirting is something new since you lost your memory.
"I mean, if you were to kiss me right now, I'd be okay with that. But if you want to sit down and talk about feelings, I'll save it for another time." You speak straightforwardly. Was that how you were before, or is it a new aspect of your personality?
"I believe a kiss is worth more than just an 'okay,' but let's see how you feel about it in practice." He says, pulling you closer and kissing you. But contrary to what you expected, it's a gentle kiss. A kiss that stirs your emotions, which you now can see is Jungkook's objective. But you can't seem to pull your lips away from his. It feels like a kind of addiction, something you want to hold onto. In fact, you're holding onto Jungkook tightly to keep him as close to you as possible. Until you stagger, almost falling.
"You want to, um... have some tea with me?" You say, adjusting yourself and heading towards your apartment. Now, what you want is a long make-out session with Jungkook.
"I don't know, maybe it's too much for you. Not to mention I need a shower." He replies, teasing you.
"You have two seconds to come in here, close the door, and seize this opportunity. If you want, you can take a shower here. I have a great washer and dryer." You suggest nonchalantly but hoping he accepts. There's a fire burning inside you, and he seems to be the cure for it at the moment.
"You know that means you're going to see me naked, right?" He says, closing the door, and you smile, leaning against the corner of the couch. He then comes towards you, and you kiss him again. There goes your time to be alone and reflect on what's best for you.
#jungkook angst#jungkook fluff#jungkook fanfic#jungkook#taehyung x reader#spotify#reader insert#taehyung x you#jungkook x you#jungkook x reader x taehyung#jungkook x reader#jungkook x y/n#taehyung fanfic#bts fanfic#namjoon#yoongi#hoseok#jimin#jin#soulmates au#love triangle#taehyung angst#taehyung fluff#Spotify
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can you make a Itadori x reader where reader is gyaru please? :]
yuuji with a gyaru honey headcanons :) hehe
tried to keep as gender neutral as possible!! but reader is kinda feminine-coded, reader is implied to be like early 20s or laaate teens (18-19), didn’t place this anywhere in canon - just that at some point you two meet when he goes to tokyo
Knew of the subculture, obviously, but didn’t really know anybody who partook in it - especially since he grew up in a small town in the country where nobody was so bold (unlike in Tokyo, where you meet! omg)
Actually almost made you cry (dramatic) when you two first met because he referred to it as a trend
Verbatim, his goofy ass said “Woah, I didn’t know people still followed that trend!” to your face
He likes how proud and confident you are though!! You don’t care if other people think it looks good because you think it looks good
The only reason you even cared what Yuuji had to say was because he implied your fashion was just another fad
He also likes how passionate you are, often pointing out your idols and collecting old magazines from the gyaru boom when you were little just to keep that early 2000s-ness thriving
“How do you have no idea who this is, Yuu?! That’s Na-chan!” and he thinks you’re so cute when you’re all flustered, giving him lil history lessons, “Helloooo? Suzuki, Nana! She was in Popteen!”
Whenever he has the extra cash, Yuuji also finds it fun to buy you accessories or clothes that fit your specific aesthetic of the gyaru umbrella
Even though he totally turns into a little mess when you end up loving what he gets and are grateful (which was the end goal btw lol, he just can’t handle it)
People who don’t know you two kinda assume that you made Yuuji dye his hair pink and just garner negative opinions about you corrupting some nice young man
Not that you care, and Yuuji knows that, but he still gets upset when people have poor impressions of his hottie partner
And you never tell Yuuji this, but you also assumed that he dabbled in a bit of hair bleaching when you both met - so you ask one day if he can help you with yours and he looks at you all “ :o ?”
“Me?” 🤨👈
As if bro doesn’t have bright pink hair
He does try to help if you decide to wear colored contacts though!! And by help I mean… he wants to be emotional support
“You’re stronger than me, babe, I would’ve puked getting my finger that close to my eye.”
Hey he tries!!!!
He also likes sitting with you to do your makeup, he finds the process very hypnotizing
Like his own personal grwm video 🙂 wow
He can just blabber on and on and on about whatever while you hum and put your face on
Sometimes for no reason at all, he’ll go from staring at you to staring at the mirror and then back at you
Like if you asked he would actually have no answer as to WHY this mf does that, he just… does
Starts carrying special metal straws around for you so you don’t have to worry about ruining your lipstick if you get a drink in public that doesn’t have a straw (all WASHED and CLEAN and kept SECURELY, don’t worry babe✋ HE’S got you)
And just in case this dude’s green flags couldn’t be more apparent - he’s the type where if you wear thigh high, or generally long, socks/leg warmers then he makes sure they’re in place all day
He gets on a knee and fixes them up so you don’t have to sit or bend down <3
#yuuji x reader#yuji x reader#yuuji itadori x reader#yuji itadori x reader#itadori x reader#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x you#jjk drabbles#anon chatter :)#omg i havent used that tag in so long...#oops
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Uhhh what I think the Cars 1 (humanized) characters listen to/music taste bc I’m tired and out of ideas and I’m bored lol:
Lightning McQueen:
I feel like he’d listen to Taylor Swift. He’s not a Swifty, just likes her music lol. I feel like he’d listen to a lot of 80’s-90’s rock and have the same sort of music taste as Star-Lord from Guardians Of The Galaxy. He probably likes a lot of YouTube songs that aren’t really on the radio.
Chick Hicks:
He 100% listens to rock n roll. I feel like he’d also like 80’s-90’s rock. He’d probably hear some country music and cringe before changing the station and start cringing at the 2000’s music. Chick 100% secretly listens to Kesha and ABBA and I will die on this hill. He appreciates Michael Jackson, worships him even.
Strip Weathers:
Bro is a country guy. I mean… c’mon. Look at him. Also he likes Lil Nas X. I headcanon that he’d enjoy My Chemical Romance though. I just think it would be funny as fuck if he and Cal were just going for a drive and;
Cal: Uncle Strip can we please listen to something other than Old Town Road??? It’s been on repeat for like three hours!
Strip: If it bugs you that much, sure. Let me change the station, kiddo.
*Black Parade Intensifies*
Cal: Emo music? Hard pass— Uncle Strip??
Strip: *gasps* I love this song! 🎶When I was, a young boy, my father took me into the city! To see a marching band!!🎶🎶🎶🗣️🗣️🗣️
Cal:
Cal: What the fuck??? What the actual fuck???
Doc Hudson:
Bro listens to classical music. I feel like he’d use this more as a front than anything or for when he’s working because it helps him focus. Otherwise he’d refuse to talk about or even listen to piano and violins. Idk about you but he gives me the vibes of someone who likes musicals and jingles from movies(Ghost Busters theme or the Jurassic Park main theme). Aside from that, he probably has a very picky taste in music and simply likes certain songs from certain artists.
Sally Carrera:
She likes all music. I feel like she wouldn’t care what plays as long as something is playing. But her favorite music is metal. I think this is funny for the same reason Strip liking MCR is funny.
Tow Mater:
He likes country as well idk what to say lol. I think he’d try to get Lightning into country then quickly find himself liking the same things Lightning does. Mater seems like the type of guy to try and show off the music he likes, fails, then likes everybody else’s music when they show him. He tries.
#cars 2006#chick hicks#doc hudson#human lightning mcqueen#humanized cars#lightning mcqueen#strip weathers#cars 1#headcanon#humanization#human au#humanized doc hudson#humanized version#tow mater#sally carrera#cal weathers#humanized cal weathers#this is stupid#i’m very tired#humanized strip weathers#music taste#music taste headcanons
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3D SLAYS WITH JACK HARLOW
I'm not here to tell anyone how to feel but I'm just saying Jackie killed those bars.
I don't want to get into this whole debate over whether or not Jack Harlow's verse was offensive because Jack is for the black girlies and the queers and I'm black and queer. Let's leave it there
And frankly I was too busy deciphering all the Easter eggs and black and white themes and weirdly familiar lyrics and all the diversity in there to notice anything off with Jack.
He's a white guy in a predominantly black space who is not only aware of this but is also less misogynoire-cist than a lot of these gay hating black rappers out here. I'll take Harlow over any day because I ain't tryna hear another homophobic rapper with internalized racism make caricature of black women and call it music.
Yall hate misogynists, I hate homophobic misogyny targeted at black queer women specifically even more and to me Jack is far from that. So may be there's a conflict of interest here somewhere caused by my intersecting identities.
And as a feminist I have a problem endorsing the slut shaming of men just as much as I disagree with the slut shaming of women.
How are we shaming this man over openly talking bout thoting.
And it's crazy cos we all be put here drooling over BTS openly talking bout wanting to be choked to death by these boys but God forbid a grown man says in his songs he is polyamorous.
Equality of genders means we can not slut shame men from expressing their sexual desires any more than we can slut shame women.
And 2023, monogamy isn't the only valid relationship model. Why does this feel like monogamy is the new heteronormativity?
And it's not as if he's glamorizing cheating on a partner, or drugs or gun violence.
I feel we've been fighting misogyny and objectification of women by men for so long we can't even tell what a healthy expression of male desire looks like.
I think Jack is so real for those lyrics. Some men and even women do like to fantasize about getting with different women. And having female attention really is form of validation for lots of men. For a lot of them it's deeply tied to their self worth.
Women will always be the object of desire for straight men. But that don't mean any time they talk about that subject that they are objectifying women. That's like saying men hurt women for pounding them at night- sex is not inherently oppressive. It's the lack of consent, and the treating women as if all we are good for is sex that makes it oppressive.
As long as he isn't berating women calling us slurs or promoting the objectification of women he and I are good.
From where I sit all I heard was a man discussing and bragging about his insatiable lust- for that I'll recommend he speaks to his therapist. Jesus can't help him.
He has an appetite. We shouldn't slut shame him for that. Misandry is not how we are going to fix misogyny.
If a girl sang the same lyrics we would be tweaking right about now.
Plus these lyrics are even pretty tame in comparison. Lmho. Jack has always been vulgar and explicit. Jack's personality to me is why I like him to be frank. He's pushed for visibility and acceptance of the gay community more than any non queer rapper you can think of.
As far as his talent as a rapper goes- I only care about his songs when he's featuring lil Nas X or Jungkook
I'm just gonna have to throw him back to yall
BUT PLEASE LEAVE 3D ALONE.
PLEASE AND THANK YOU.
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Playlist for Last Man Alive
( This just a playlist of random songs that go with/relate to my fic,, if u think of a song that u think should be here feel free to comment it and I’ll add it! Songs in green are the ones that suite the most perfectly )
~
Closer - Nine Inch Nails
Don’t Blame Me - Taylor Swift
Boyfriend - Dove Cameron
Dear John TV - Taylor Swift
This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things - Taylor Swift
Never Ever Getting Rid Of Me - Waitress
Meant to Be Yours - Heathers
Karma - Taylor Swift
Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne
I Did Something Bad - Taylor Swift
The Red Means I Love You - Madds Buckley
Lotta True Crime - Penelope Scott
Invisible String - Taylor Swift
Dead Girl Walking Reprise - Heathers
Jealous Girl - Lana Del Rey
Haunted TV - Taylor Swift
An Unhealthy Obsession - The Blake Robinson Synthetic Orchestra
Love Story cover - Sarah Cothran
You’re On Your Own, Kid - Taylor Swift
Somebody’s Watching Me - Rockwell
Gods & Monsters - Lana Del Rey
The Beast in Me - Bonnie Pointer
Right Where You Left Me - Taylor Swift
Until I Found You - Stephen Sanchez
Thriller - Michael Jackson
Oblivion - Grimes
Yo Girl - Heathers
Always Forever - Cults
Hey Lover - The Daughters of Eve
Get Out Of My Head - Tryhardninja
Tag, You’re It - Melanie Martinez
I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys
Paparazzi - Lady Gaga
Look What You Made Me Do - Taylor Swift
Tonight You Belong To Me - Patience & Prudence
Cool for the Summer - Demi Lovato
Pacify Her - Melanie Martinez
Bad Romance - Lady Gaga
Knee Socks - Arctic Monkeys
Christmas Kids - Roar
You Don’t Own Me - Lesley Gore
You Don’t Own Me - SAYGRACE
Illicit Affairs - Taylor Swift
Smoke and Mirrors - Jayn
Enchanted TV - Taylor Swift
Little Girls - Annie 2014
Hellfire - Hunchback of Notre Dame
Call Me Crazy - Gabbie Hanna
MONTERO - Lil Nas X
Strawberry Shortcake - Melanie Martinez
You Belong With Me TV - Taylor Swift
Senpai Notice Me - Random Encounters
I Can Hear The Bells - Hairspray
All Men Are Pigs - Studio Killers
Gorgeous - Taylor Swift
Take A Hint - Victorious
Play Date - Melanie Martinez
Our Love is God - Heathers
Better Than Revenge TV - Taylor Swift
Ready or Not - Bridgit Mendler
Teacher’s Pet - Melanie Martinez
Norman fucking Rockwell - Lana Del Rey
August - Taylor Swift
Cake - Melanie Martinez
The Archer - Taylor Swift
Bloody Mary - Lady Gaga
Clean TV - Taylor Swift
Hopelessly Devoted To You - Grease
Final Girl - Graveyardguy
My Tears Ricochet - Taylor Swift
This Little Girl - Cady Groves
Obsessed With You - The Orion Experience
Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve - Taylor Swift
Lay All Your Love On Me - Abba
EVIL - Melanie Martinez
I’m Still Standing - Elton John
Using You - Mars Argo
All I Want For Christmas Is You cover - Chase Holfelder
Betty cover - Chase Holfelder
Michelle - Sir Chloe
You Are My Sunshine - Jimmie Davis
The Wolf - SIAMES
Obsession - Animotion
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! - Abba
Head Over Heels - Tears For Fears
The Point of No Return - Phantom of the Opera
You’re the Inspiration - Chicago
I’m Just Ken - Barbie
Don’t You Want Me - The Human League
I Want You (She’s So Heavy) - The Beatles
#reader insert#paul dano riddler#dano!riddler#paul dano#the riddler x reader#the riddler#edward nashton#edward nashton x reader#yandere edward nashton#yandere riddler#yandere riddler x reader#the batman 2022#the batman
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“Make Me a Monster” Fic Notes
MMaM was pretty short and this will be too but this fic has some Backstory and I wanna talk about it lmao.
Playlist:
Warriors (AJ Michalka version)
heavy. — Au/Ra
The Creeps — Garbage
LIFE AFTER SALEM — Lil Nas X
The Heartless (original rock version) — PVRIS (kind of hard to get. Was only available on their PARIS EP which isn’t available for streaming last I checked)
Waking Up (Acoustic) — PVRIS (from the acoustic version of the PARIS EP, which is available on youtube)
chaotic — Tate McRae
Hate myself — Tate McRae
R.E.M. — Mothica
Shatter — Against The Current
Frankenstein — Rina Sawayama
My Limb — Hayley Williams
Epilogue Life:
It takes awhile and I could never write this fic in a timespan where it’s complete, but Adora does come to accept her new prosthetics. After the revelations about She-ra and the Heart, she comes to realize this version of them is the most ideal she could get purely because they don’t need maintenance, removal, cleaning etc and she can care for them the exact way she can the rest of her body, which makes them feel a lot more like her body. Her sense of touch isn’t 100%, still losing some texture differentiation and the ability to really feel light touches (she wouldn’t feel a bug walking on her arm for example), but as shown in the epilogue she learns to adapt, and eventually she stops covering up so much either. When she starts to wear her jacket less is when Catra knows she has made real progress. Her prosthetics are magic and never need intervention, which helps.
On Catra’s part, her guilt also takes a lot to process, as does her trauma from her time chipped, which only feeds into her guilt because she feels like she inflicted that same dehumanization on Adora. She comes to focus her energy on “fixing” things instead though, which does lead to some unhealthy burnout, but the worry her friends show for her then does a lot to help her internalize that no, they really don’t hate her.
It’s one of those cases where they take longer to get to a healthy place than in canon, but they do eventually reach it. They get through the worst of it early on, but those effects echo for a long time.
Chapter 1:
⦁ I was pretty worried going into this how people would feel about this, mostly because it’s an incredibly complex situation. Prosthetics are often helpful, but they tend to not be as effective as people hope and even when they are, that still doesn’t mean people don’t look at them and see what they lost sometimes. This situation in particular, where the prosthetics were largely unnecessary and completely forced on her, was painful. Adora is struggling not just with that, but with the very familiar process of trying to get back where she was before an injury/disability, but sometimes that’s just not possible. She’s seeking every piece of functionality and feeling she gets with her prosthetics, but that doesn’t mean she is less for having lost something either.
I was worried about people thinking that attitude she has is ableist, when it’s really just a part of the disabled experience. Some people never have it, but I’m definitely someone who has struggled with trying to get things back while knowing I’ll never get it all. It… really sucks, and even when things seem good, there can be a bittersweetness to them. That’s the kind of attitude I was approaching this fic with. There was also the medical abuse angle with her prosthetics. Despite her impossibly advanced prosthetics, this is a very real thing I actually saw conversations about when TotK came out, which is what gave me of the exact phrase for that trigger because I was having trouble naming/describing it in the content warning before that.
⦁ Hordak was working on prosthetic limbs in the event that his deteriorating state made it impossible for him to keep working, using Adora as his guinea pig to test their effectiveness. Shadow Weaver kind of thought there was a chance She-ra could regrow them entirely even if that wasn’t what she was banking on. She actually thought the second accident was a mercy, because Hordak already wanted to test out the set on Adora at that point, so making it “necessary” was supposed to be easier on Adora. Her empathy meter is broken.
Chapter 2:
⦁ Catra just can’t “get” why Adora stayed, but it was kind of impossible for her to leave before that. Part of her already knew Shadow Weaver would be back for more, but she couldn’t let herself do it because it was the “wrong” thing to leave Etheria to the princesses. When she realized the Rebellion wasn’t actually monsters, it was all so much worse because she realized everything — her arms, Catra’s punishments, the horrible way they grew up that she didn’t even really have perspective for — had been for nothing. Catra was right all along. They should have runaway. So she did
⦁ I didn’t intend to title the chapters of this fic since it was so short, but then the “You promise?” line came up and I wanted to make that the chapter title for clarification purposes if nothing else, so I added them in.
Chapter 3:
⦁ I know I’m kind of the “let’s talk about traumatized Catra” person but tbh I still don’t think we give enough weight to having your body literally puppeted while you watch and undergo nightmare hallucinations. Like how the fuck was she functioning after that. So yeah on top of Adora being extra traumatized in this (and Catra additionally having extra trauma from watching that happen), I wanted to go a bit into the echoes of having been under Horde Prime’s control for Catra too.
(Other members of the Princess Alliance who were chipped definitely deal with nightmares from this too, but I have a feeling the nightmare scenarios were mostly unique to Catra, especially considering the green pool wasn’t used on the others and by the time Prime had the others under his control he was dealing with a lot of chips and conjuring up nightmare scenarios for them all doesn’t make sense.)
⦁ In this AU there was a lot more immediately obvious awfulness from Shadow Weaver, so even after the portal Glimmer did keep her confined to her room, not that it helped Adora’s mental state much. She was a lot more hated and shunned in Bright Moon and when they were on the run. Catra and Adora still cried watching her die, but after the fact their general attitude is a mixture of “good riddance” and “how could she do all that to us and then just die without ever acknowledging it?” They take her sacrifice as the closest thing they’ll ever guilt to an admission of feeling guilt.
⦁ The thing about Adora never being able to tell if her sensation is back to “normal” is a very real thing when it comes to disability. I remember at one point telling a friend that I couldn’t tell if I wasn’t in pain or was just shouldering it because I didn’t remember what not being in pain felt like anymore.
⦁ If you know my poll, this was “in the engine room.”
Chapter 4:
⦁ In this AU, they have no idea the First Ones Virus could infect She-ra with just the sword since it seemed “obvious” it spread from the robots, to the sword, to her prosthetics, which somehow caused everything to go haywire. Because she was working with her original set that was less advanced, the virus was legitimately latched onto She-ra itself, which also explains why it went away with she reverted the transformation. They just thought changing “bodies” let her purge the virus when she transformed back.
The corruption from the First Ones… worm, thing, corrupted Adora’s limbs similarly to how the virus took over her, only with green instead of red, completely changing the colors of her arms and legs and then slowly creeping up her veins. It was gnarly.
⦁ Entrapta just has a better connection with Catra and was looking to her for an answer, but a small incline of the head was their signal back in the Horde that she should really just agree with whoever she’s talking with. She almost never paused to notice it, but Catra was trying her best (and failing) to keep her out of trouble.
Original Outline:
Originally this AU was supposed to be longer, starting when Adora first lost her limbs, then skimming through scenes throughout the series, until finally landing on Darla. That was just an extra 2-3 chapters probably, but 1) god that’s too much angst. It kept me from writing it for like 9 months because I didn’t want to do it, 2) the balance just wasn’t there? Everything got “minute-to-minute” once they were on Darla, with entire chapters dedicated to it, where as the previous chapters were scattered moments taking place over literal years. This did mean I lost some ideas that were supposed to take place in the war and such (the princess prom scene, for example), but it’s still better for it.
I started to write that longer version of it back in 2022(!) but only worked on it for two days to about 2k before I was like this is not vibing and dropped it. When I picked it back up with the shorter timeline in mind, I wrote 70% of this fic in one sitting back in September, but then I got kind of stuck on their reconciling conversation and I think it was just a little too much angst for me then so I didn’t come back to it the next day. I’ve opened it occasionally since then to glance over but it just wasn’t clicking until this week. I edited what I had and wrote the rest of the fic in two days once I was there, though. I am proud of this fic but it’s definitely a very emotional one so it kind of has to happen in bursts like that. I’m glad to have finally gotten it out now, as rocky as getting from idea to completion was. I had the idea November 14th 2022, wrote most of it September 4th 2023, and finally finished it March 9th 2024.
Upcoming:
Start Your Engine ;)
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I'm going to start posting online content for the first time in a couple of days, and im scared.. do you have any advice? So I'm going to be doing politics, and I know that comes with a lot of harassment. I'm just really asking if there's anything you wish someone told you before you started putting your stuff out there 😅
I appreciate the ask, so I mulled it for a while. Making content has been a wild ride for me. I’m an aging teacher and I’m surely not a natural to any of this.
I boiled it down to five things. There are more, but I’d have had an easier time of it had I known these.
1. You paint for the back row.
Common expression in drag. It means this.
You never know your whole audience. (Especially on the internet.) Attention is scarce. (Especially on the internet.). You always say it louder and more obvious. Louder. Bigger. Clearer. As a creator, you inevitably get in your own head. That has value! You love the intricacies and the subtleties and the joys of this one effect or this one line. That’ll give you life - but your audience isn’t looking for subtlety. You earn that careful attention, and you’d best get used to yelling for it.
With big bold letters.
2. Good is good enough.
The attention economy thrives on volume. My queue is set to ten things a day. Minimum.
Maybe they miss. Maybe they land. There’s no time to meditate on each missed joke or script or image. You just keep tossing up shots.
It’s wonderful to have the time and space to make the most elevated stuff you can. You have to work hard for that time.
3. LNX is our hero.
I’ve always loved Lil Nas X. I deified him when that Kent State gun girl came at him, and he said he was gonna fuck her dad. He went from appreciated to god level that day.
You can’t appease your critics. They’ll never appreciate your kindness. You can’t convert them. You can troll them back if it gives you life. That’s it. You can block or you can have a laugh. The trolls out here give no quarter; they should expect none from you.
4. Real critique is private.
Maybe some people will have real concerns about your content! Their opinions might well be valid.
On the other hand, they might be nasty little clout chasers looking to get eyes on their own stuff by launching attack campaigns. They’re out of ideas, they’re mediocre, and Big Dramatic Callout is an easy script. It’s been done a million times before, after all.
Easy tell. If they care for real, they’ll say it where no one else can hear. That’s real. Big public callout? Be skeptical. Frustrated people do the Big Callout, but it’s chapter one of the Clout Chaser Handbook as well.
5. Real praise is public
That equation - “real critique is private” - reverses when people wanna tell you they love your stuff.
Many people are nice and they are shy! It is also natural for people to communicate privately. Enjoy the support and praise.
That said, some people may also want things from you. Attention. Resources. Collabs. Bragging rights. Parasocial attachment.
Is this praise real or not? Well, if it’s all in your DMs, best to be skeptical. Your best supporters will say it out loud, in front of everyone. That’s where it counts.
***
I hope that helps. Best of luck on your content creation!
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Beomhan Check Up Reading
He debuted with a song that was quite bad, and the criticism mixed with the hate seems to be getting to him, so I want to see how he is doing
Okay this is really surprising, like really
He doesn't see his debut song as a bad song. He thinks it's a bop (I'll have to disagree with him on that but ...)
He also thinks he looks really hot and sexy in the music video. He thinks he's good-looking in general
He has attracted a lot of women who are into him, and he likes the female attention. He's also sleeping around a lot. So he's not down at all about this situation. He's actually quite pleased with the amount of attention he's getting
I will say he's not going to take any criticism of any kind about his song or his skills. He thinks he's the best at what he's doing artist wise (whether that's producing, singing, or dancing). Ik he's a rookie, but he doesn't view himself that way. He thinks of himself as a true artist that excels at what he does (his ego is really big)
Ngl, it's giving big troll energy (reminds me of Lil Nas X). Even if the things he says are inappropriate or quite controversial (like when he revealed his cuts), he thinks he's inspiring change in the K-pop industry, so he sees nothing wrong with anything he's done or said
Yeah. This whole situation is a cash grab (I mean, he does need to make money so I get it, but don't be surprised if he trolls on social media or keeps stirring controversy to keep himself relevant)
Mentally he's fine. The backlash gets to him more than he will ever let on, but overall, his mental state isn't poor
This is surprising to me but it's what it is. I will say that his female fans should be careful not to baby him. He is someone who knows exactly what he's doing.
I'm OK by Ikon is a song that fits this readings energy
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I am literally SO TIRED of Westerners in all social media but also in the destiel meme here the comments are full of "why are they so ass backwards? Didn't they invent homosexuality lmfao" "lol what took them so long" shut up! You don't even know that orthodoxy exists. Also I saw the tag "I thought Mediterraneans approved of mlm affection" boy am I going to blow you your mind that men kissing each other on the cheek and saying I love you is normal here but gay sex is thought as an anomaly against nature. Anyway so many western progressives are so smug.
Djdjfjfjfjfjfur like. Literally. Im gonna make this about italy because ive seen this a l9t about italy as well but the fact that we sometimes get a breakthrough international artist cishet man who wears makeup does not mean thats the norm anymore than lil nas x's existence means glitter is the norm for American black men.
The fact that italian soccer fans full on jump on each other after a goal or cry openly when their team wins does not mean that they would not beat the SHIT of any kid in their vicinity who does not perform gender correctly. Like the whole "men cannot have feelings or touch each other" thing is a Puritan/Protestant neurosis that they project without realising. Gender performance looks different but that doesn't mean that it isn't strictly enforced. I know kids who stopped washing after doing sports because the other kids on their team called them gay for wanting to not smell. I remember this whole lithany by a Southern Italian author of things that get you called a slur in his culture which included "not putting super spicy pepper oil on your pizza" and "using an hair-dryer". And yet tons of people just accepted idk James Somerton talking about how Italy was full of gay men longing for nothing more than banging British kids on the grand tour... But it was just taken at face value until someone actually sat down and considered his pattern of making up shit on the whole.
And like. As usual Greece gets a whole lot of this as well only even worse because people usually have some notion of the Catholic Church and the Italian middle ages being a thing but the Orthodox Church straight up does not exist in their mind. Like Greece went from Ancient to Today in some sort of time capsule I guess. And that's not even touching the misconceptions about ancient Greece as yaoi paradise
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