#I may add other tags later but don't have the heart to tag more now.

[myosotisa]

i'm starvin, darlin - e.m.

Eddie Munson x Reader

ǁ summary: Since coming back from the Upside Down, Eddie has slowly been changing. Each week seems to bring something different and he finds himself doing things he never thought he would.

ǁ tags: gender neutral reader, no pronouns, no y/n. nickname used (sweetheart). mentions of season 4 final episode and what occurred. canon divergent (every one lived). it's not smut, but smut adjacent. it's sexy

ǁ word count: 2k

ǁ notes: i sat down and wrote an entire one shot in one sitting again. and i am also not going to edit this one. and i do not feel bad for lowercase hozier title, so don't even try me like that. if y'all really like it, i can add a part 2 with smut, but this is it for now

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There are still a lot of things Eddie is having to come to terms with since the night his heart stopped.

That night in the Upside Down, laying in Dustin’s arms, he had died. Without a doubt. Dustin had felt his pulse and there was nothing there. And though he didn’t know CPR, had no idea what he was doing, Dustin had laid him down on the ground and started to beat against his chest. Like maybe if he hit hard enough and in the right place, his friend would come back to life.

Somehow it worked. No one bothered to ask why.

But they all knew something was wrong two days later. Eddie, barely breathing and with a weak heartbeat, had been dragged back to the surface and hidden away in the RV they had stolen. Someone watched him round the clock as they debated what to do. If they should try to get him to a hospital, how they’d be able to explain it. But then something miraculous began to happen:

Eddie started healing. All on his own. Way faster than any person should have been able to.

His skin stitched itself back together faster than should be possible, leaving less scar tissue than it should have behind. His chest began to rise and fall in more steady breaths, his heart beat getting stronger, bones resetting themselves with slow and quiet creaks as he laid in that RV bed and slept. He’d been asleep since they brought him back.

The day he woke up, his body had almost entirely healed itself. From the brink of death, having even stepped over to the other side, and now he was almost back to before it ever happened. It had only been a week.

Everyone rejoiced, refusing to question anything weird that may have happened in the Upside Down and just thinking they finally won for once. Max had casts on both her arms but was otherwise unharmed, Steve had recovered from his own injuries at the rate of a normal human and now sported a scar around his throat that he sometimes felt self conscious about. Dustin was on crutches with his broken leg for another month at least. Eddie was alive and whole and back to himself. They’d made it, everyone had made it.

He began to notice more and more things that were different as the days went on.

The first thing he caught on to was that he had the capability to be strong. Way stronger than someone who had recently been bed ridden should be. It was like in the comic books with the Hulk – if he wasn’t paying attention or if he got too emotional, he could easily break anything. A walkman destroyed, a ceramic bowl reduced to shards, a metal pipe bent beyond fixing, the wooden handle of a hammer shattered in his grip. The boys were all present for the hammer incident and sighted it as one of the coolest things they had ever seen. They swarmed him, asking him how he did it, what else he could do, how strong he really was.

Only the other teens, Steve, Nancy, Robin, you, started to look a little bit closer.

When the next few changes became apparent, it was clear something unnatural had happened to Eddie that night in the Upside Down. He could feel other people's feelings. They brushed against his consciousness like ghosts whenever he looked at someone. Happiness like warm rays of sunshine, fear like a shuddering gust of wind, anger like hot coals pressed to his skin. It wasn’t a conscious effort – in fact, there were a lot of times he wished he could turn it off. Whenever he looked too hard at someone, it’s like his brain adjusted to a different frequency and their emotions reached out to him, no matter what they were. And he didn’t struggle to make sense of the sensations like he thought he might, his brain completed the dots easily at first, but then he began to recognize them consciously. It was certainly useful sometimes, especially when it came to you, but it still felt a bit invasive. When he’d explained it to a few people, he assured he tried to ignore it whenever he could, but sometimes he couldn’t help but react. The icey spike of terror he felt when you woke up next to him from a nightmare. The velvet comfort that enveloped you and him when he held you after.

The first time he spoke into someone’s mind it was an accident. Steve had whipped toward him, breath catching in his chest, eyes wide and mouth open in a gasp. Eddie felt it like ice down his spine. “Did you… You did that?” He’d asked breathlessly. It had been so shocking, Eddie wasn’t even sure what’d he said, or projected, or whatever it was.

“I - I don’t know.”

Steve stepped closer, suddenly looking determined. “Try to do it again.”

It was a slithering feeling when he dipped back into Steve’s mind. Like sliding his way in between cracks to a place he didn’t belong, seeping into the forefront of his thoughts to plant one of his own. It made him feel dirty, uncomfortable, and wrong. But it worked. Steve explained it as having a thought like his own but it came out in Eddie’s voice instead. An intrusive thought but not an uncomfortable one.

As with all of the other discoveries, a meeting was called. Dustin, Mike, Lucas, Max, Will, El, Robin, Jonathan, Nancy, Steve, and you. Steve did most of the talking while Eddie sat and looked at his hands. These meetings, while he acknowledged were important for everyone to keep track of his progression into… something, it still made him feel a bit like a zoo animal in a cage. A magician with a magic trick. All the boys immediately begged him to do it to them, they wanted to see what it felt like, wanted to see how easy it was for him to do it. 

Nancy and Jonathan had shooed them, catching on to how overwhelmed Eddie was, their excitement and curiosity battering against him like a whipping wind of too much. Once it was just the older people in the room, you crossed over to where he was, kneeled down in front of him, reached out to hold his hand.

Pity felt like someone was pissing in his pants.

“Are you okay?”

How could he say no? How could he admit that he was scared, confused, and feeling more and more like a monster with the passing days? “It’s just a lot. To deal with.”

Your smile was pained as you pushed yourself up onto your calves and wrapped your arms around his shoulders. His came around your waist on instinct, the breath feeling like a wheeze in his lungs as he held tight. Face pressed into your hair with his eyes squeezed shut, he inhaled deep in relief.

That was when the next thing changed.

It was a desire. A need. One he couldn’t place a name to. Like he was desperately missing something, desperately craving something and he didn’t know it was. It crawled under his skin like ants and sent him scratching for a feeling that couldn’t be satiated. No matter what he tried: eating, drinking, masturbating, exercising. The feeling wouldn’t go away. It got stronger day after day, his mind focusing more and more on the void it left behind until it was all he could think about.

Steve threw a little get together at his house once a month or so. Just time for everyone to get together, eat some food, listen to music, play board games, maybe watch a movie. This was the first get together since his hunger began.

He was sitting on the couch on his own, decompressing. While normally he was right in the middle of everything, today it was a lot to handle when he was hyperfocused on the crawling beneath his skin. He had his legs spread wide, hands resting on them, leaning deep into the cushions of the couch in Steve’s basement. While he had initially tried to close his eyes, hang his head back, maybe stare at the ceiling – he couldn’t stop his attention from drifting back to you.

You and Eddie had been friends for a long time. Understandably, you’d gotten much closer after the events in March. The two of you had helped each other through hard nights of nightmares, panic attacks in parking lots, flashbacks in public. You’d been a great comfort to him since he came back. But today your laugh sounded like music. The smell of your perfume hit him even across the room. Each emotion crashed over him in waves, pushing and receding like the tide as he tried to get off your frequency, unentangle himself from you before he did something he didn’t mean to do.

I’m starving.

Your back stiffened, the grip on your plastic cup getting just a bit tighter. A moment of fear quickly shifted to mellowed surprise, curiosity. He’d never spoken into your mind before, hadn’t meant to do so now. But you still shifted, your eyes slowly coasting across the room until you caught sight of him on the couch.

A shock of electricity shot down his spine as you made eye contact, his hands tightening over his thighs in reaction. Unsure exactly what to do, he settled for projecting again. Slithered his way into your ears and settled a respectful distance from the area he’d never been brave enough to venture. Sorry, he offered with a wince, didn’t mean to.

What he didn’t expect was the utter flood of feeling that hit him next. Like a drip of warm honey settling into the space between his hips, pooling there in a subtle swirl as the warmth from it started to diffuse outward. You realized you’d been staring and your eyes flit away, but the feeling didn’t cease. In fact, it only got stronger. Your lower lip caught on your teeth as you shifted between your feet. Things that would be completely normal to see, wouldn’t have anyone looking twice, but Eddie could. Your desire. The want that poured from you like water when your eyes first met his.

Was this the first time? Had something changed between you and him? Or had he just never caught on before?

The ants beneath his skin began to vibrate as he narrowed in on the feeling, on you. Like the part of him that had slithered into your thoughts was now bearing down, digging in for purchase, wanting to stay awhile and feed on this new feeling, what you were offering. It didn’t even occur to him what he was doing, how invasive it might be, how wrong he normally would have felt. All he knew is that it felt like licking at the thing he’d been craving for so long and he was helpless to chase after it.

Sweetheart. It came easy as breathing now, teeth sunk into your consciousness from where you stood across the room. You whirled on him again, another flood of warmth hitting him deep as you leaned your hip against the counter you were standing next to and focused on him. What’s got you so worked up?

He couldn’t even consider how bold he was suddenly being, the fear that he might ruin this friendship well out of his grasp. Especially when your embarrassment spiked along with the want, the pool of warmth now suddenly coming to life to have a heartbeat of its own. Your eyes widened, shifting on your feet again as you broke eye contact. It only took a few moments before you couldn’t help but look back at him again. The buzzing settled further, now like a purr beneath his skin. It was bearable as long as you kept your eyes on him.

You wanna do something about it?

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thanks for reading, please reblog and leave a comment if you liked it!

#eddie munson x you #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson smut #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson hurt/comfort #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson imagines #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson blurbs #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #myos ideas #vampire!Eddie munson #kas!eddie munson #myo4munson

[foodsies4me]

May Malec fic rec!

Thanking @crystalmir for this month's theme which is soulmate AU's! The same rules apply as always, one fic per author, even though all of these authors have other brilliant fics you should be reading and if you want to add your own recs in the comments, tags, or reblogs please feel free to do so! 💜

Also, I have tagged the authors whose Tumblr account I know (aka found on their AO3 profile), but if you'd prefer I not tag you, please tell me! I don't want these to be annoying for the authors.

One-shots:

Magnus, How Long Have You Been Twenty by @Master of Unlocking: A soulmate AU where you don't age past a certain age until you've met your soulmate!

Summary:

Soulmate AU where you age to about 18/21, and then you stay that age until you find your soulmate.

The Space Between by @gingersnapwolves: soulmate AU, the usual Clave being awful as well as some Alec and Magnus being badass. I don't know how often I've read and reread this fic by now.

Summary:

Every warlock has a soulmate. 98% of the time it’s another warlock, but sometimes it’s a mundane, a seelie, or even a Shadowhunter. Until their name appears on the warlock’s chest (and their corresponding soulmate’s), there’s no way to know. Enter Alec Lightwood, who wakes up at fourteen with a warlock’s name on his chest. Horrified at what it means, he keeps it hidden. But five years later, Magnus Bane is captured by a team of Shadowhunters, and it’s only a matter of time before someone sees Alec’s name on his chest.

see me light up from the rooftops by @oh-la-fraise: Short and sweet and fluffy, just the way I like it.

Summary:

“Alec,” Magnus said, his face falling. “Short for Alexander, I assume?” Alec frowned. “Yeah. Why do you look so disappointed? Are you more of an Alexi kind of guy?” Magnus smiled for a second, and Alec cheered with victory internally. “No, I just. . .Oh, it’s so stupid, and not something I should be discussing on a first date. It was an Alexander that broke my heart in Paris.” “Yeesh,” Alec winced. “Well I can promise you, not all of us are complete idiots. Which he would had to have been, to dump you.” Magnus snorted. “That’s the even sadder part—he didn’t dump me. We never even met.”

Before the Day is Done by carmenlire: Ales as a Head of the Institute but also as an author! Magnus as his kind of pen pal, the High Warlock of Brooklyn and his unknowing fan.

Summary:

Alec reads the email twice through before letting out a breath. He feels anticipation thrumming through him at the invitation and it doesn’t vanish no matter how hard he tries to shove it down. He’s looking forward to meeting Magnus in person. While there’s still some anxiety lurking underneath it all, it feels almost inevitable. Truth be told, he’s always felt drawn to the High Warlock. Magnus had been the only downworlder to acknowledge the change in leadership first. He’d been surprising magnanimous in wishing Alec a successful tenure and providing his contact information if he ran into any problems.

Who are you really? by @skylar102 : The scene of Magnus pressing Alec's lost baby blanket to his face as he realizes he finally has a soulmate after 400 lonely years makes me slightly feral.

Summary:

When your soulmate loses something it gets sent to you and vice versa. For almost 400 years Magnus thought he would never have a soulmate until one day a pacifier shows up in his loft.

all these stumbles and falls by @echo-bleu evil on the feels-front like all of Echo's fics, but what else is new. (Love you, Echo <3)

Alec has always kept his male, warlock soulmate a secret. He knows he can never have what he wants. On the eve of his wedding to Lydia, he finds himself on a warlock’s doorstep to finally break the bond, and be free to complete his duty to the Clave and his family. It will all be fine. Except that his soulmate mark is desperately clutching at his chest, shaking like a leaf, and its large golden eyes are pooling with tears. And that said mark looks exactly like a tiny version of the warlock who just answered his knock.

To Touch and Be Touched by TobytheWise: short 500-word ficlet, but still an adorable and enjoyable read nonetheless.

With a black handprint across his cheek, Alec always imagined meeting his soulmate for the first time would be a painful affair. When the day finally comes, Alec is pleasantly surprised.

Multi-chapter fics or series:

Making Memories With Mistletoe by @notcrypticbutcoy is another lovely fic by notcrypticbutcoy. There's a small amount of angst, but it's mostly a feel-good fic for me

Summary:

How was that even possible? How could Magnus’ soulmate be someone who didn’t believe in the concept? The universe had to be playing some kind of cosmic joke on him. *** When a mysterious and very attractive stranger walks into Magnus’ magic shop three weeks before Christmas, he doesn’t expect it to be his soulmate. Nor does he expect his soulmate to deny the entire concept of such a thing. Or: in which Magnus owns a magic shop, Alec doesn’t believe in soulmates, and the universe has a funny way of making things work out.

Machiavellian by @alxndrlightwoods: While a one-shot the fic is part of a series that I love even though it's dark and gory - or maybe just because? Warning (especially for the later parts) for Underage, Gore, and some very enthusiastic and graphic murder aka make sure you read the tags.

Summary:

He can see the thoughts whirling in Magnus’s brain. Magnus had managed to make it four hundred years, patiently waiting and keeping a weather eye on the Lightwood family for the majority of that. And his beautiful, perfect, wonderful soulmate hadn’t even managed to make it three years. They were disgustingly perfect for each other.

The Gift of Choice by @tinylilemrys: Soulmate AU where you can choose whether to accept or reject a soulmate (something I'm personally a huge fan of) and it's just written so well.

Summary:

Neither Alec nor Magnus is particularly thrilled at the discovery of their soul marks. Alec because he knows that the design of it means that his soulmate is a Downworlder, something practically unheard of in Shadowhunter society. For Magnus, the idea of being permanently attached to a joyless demon-killer is hardly a thrill. Given that they can choose if they accept their soulmate or not, the decision seems like a no-brainer. But when Alec finally meets the beautiful, other-worldly Magnus and Magnus meets the gorgeous, self-sacrificing Alec, it becomes clear that the decision might not be as easy as they thought it would.

it doesn't matter (if it's now or then) by @soveryaverageme: Alec knows Magnus is his soulmate. He also knows he isn't Magnus', but he's fine with it. Really.

Alec’s words were branded across his right forearm, spiraling towards his shoulder. The phrase “I’m Magnus, I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced?” was stark across his skin, as bold as his own love. They were a comfort and a reminder every time he drew his bow back to fire another arrow. He knew every curve and bend of his words. He could trace them without looking. He had never seen Magnus’ words, but he knew was that they weren’t his.

Through a Glass, Darkly by SolarisRasa: Last but not least on this list, a fic that deserves more love in my opinion. Magnus creating a Veil between the Downworld and the Nephilim is such an interesting concept!

A century ago, Magnus Bane, sick of the struggles between the Downworld and the Clave, created a spell: The Veil. It separated the Downworld from the Nephilim, both sides blind to each other in the world. A red-head with demands, a sharp spike in demons, a new Head of the New York Institute, and...gardening? Draws Magnus toward the Shadowhunters world again. With his city slipping, the Clave bearing down, and the High Warlock's demand for better protection, Alec Lightwood seeks a more equal footing with the Downworld.

#Malec rec list #this list ended up having slightly more recs #but consistency is never a thing with me #so that's okay

[aces-and-angels]

and the results are in!

i have some thoughts that i'll add below the cut bc as per usual, i like to ramble lol

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Both routes have a special place in my heart and are incredibly well done. In my opinion, the payoff of seeing Jocelyn x MC's relationship develop are the same regardless- and here's why:

It's all a slow burn, baby ✨

lol but really, @livelaughlovecassie mentioned this in one of their tags earlier in the week and I wanted to expand on it.

If we look at all the LIs ILW has to offer, it makes sense why Jocelyn is the only one MC can pursue a fwb-type of relationship with.

With Amalia being demisexual, I don't see her ever agreeing to it.

When MC meets Lincoln, the man has walls. Tall ones. He may have had more casual relationships in the past, but when presented with the suggestion by MC, he refuses to engage. The man is afraid of getting close- as friends or romantically.

Matthias- he ain't looking at you unless you have something to offer. His one other relationship besides MC resulted in a marriage and a family, so I imagine he's not one to do things casually. All or nothing for grandpa Matty.

Abel has no problem emotionally connecting with others. Out of all the LIs, his relationship w/ MC can progress the fastest. However, true physical intimacy proves to be more of a struggle for his character. His scars are a source of insecurity, which preclude him from being completely vulnerable with his past partners. Because of this, I can't see him wishing to pursue a purely physical relationship.

But Jocelyn? She is a very physical person. A dedicated athlete- a skilled fighter- she's even getting a degree in Physical Education lmao. It's clear from the jump that she's the type to act first, think later- a trait that allows a fwb route to not only be possible, but believable. That, in my opinion, is the hardest part to achieve.

Whether MC starts a slow burn or a fwb-type relationship with Jocelyn, it is clear that she is not used to being emotionally vulnerable with others. There's an almost innocent quality that is wonderfully juxtaposed by her bluntness seen in her romance scenes throughout the slow burn route. That, along with the small tidbits of information MC gets to learn about her and vice versa, make this a path worth exploring.

Now, onto path 2:

At the start of the fwb route, Jocelyn seems to be more in her element. More confident. Even without romancing Joss, MC learns that she is no stranger to sex during the gang's dinner party in chapter 14. It is only when the emotional aspects of their relationship begin to flourish that she shows any uncertainty. I think the best example of this is seen during their scene at Matthias' mansion- and again on the Ferris wheel, where after a moment of vulnerability, Jocelyn reverts back to the familiar, physical relationship she knows.

With the amount of smut PB has put out in recent years, I think we're all aware of how one-note a sexual relationship can be. I can't recall who said it originally from the ILW team, but to loosely paraphrase: some readers will naturally gravitate towards the romantic elements of the story, but all of them will lose interest if the overall plot is not engaging enough to keep their attention.

There may be some who find the distribution of 'dirty thirty' scenes among the LIs unfair due to the nature of Jocelyn's fwb route. My response to that is this: giving every LI the same amount of 'dirty thirty' scenes would do more harm to the storyline than good. Part of what makes ILW such a great series is its ability to make each relationship feel earned, not automated. There should be intent behind scenes like those, otherwise it serves no real purpose other than to satisfy an arbitrary quota.

The magic of Jocelyn's fwb route is rooted by thoughtful writing. She doesn't read as an entirely different person between the two routes because there is a sound understanding of character. That, along with readers being given full agency on how to navigate this kind of relationship make a wonderful story.

And on a less thoughtful, more lizard-brain note: those scenes were HOT 🔥🔥🔥

#playchoices #choices #ilw #it lives within #jocelyn x mc #jocelyn wu #fwb vs slow burn #ilb #ilitw #it lives beneath #it lives in the woods #it lives series #it lives anthology #i love a good slow burn #and seeing a fwb done RIGHT #ooo #i love joss

[canonically-a-genloser]

platonic!Ranboo x reader blurb!! end of the school year drabble thingy yippee :D

this is the first one I've done in a while, for those of you who may not have seen my update a few weeks ago it's been a ride but I'm learning how to be productive again and I'm very proud of myself today despite some stress I went through, I'm working towards getting my life back on track :]

ANYWAYS ENOUGH OF MY RAMBLES AND ON WITH THE FIC/HEADCANONS/WHATEVER THIS MAY END UP BEING, REMEMBER TO STAY HYDRATED AS WELL AS YOU'RE ABLE AND REMEMBER YOU ARE LOVED <3

no pronouns for reader are used besides you/yours!

"Y/n!" Ranboo called from behind you, evidently out of breath from running.

You turned to face them, forgetting for a moment how tall they really were. They had grown a lot physically the past year, you thought vaguely as you made eye contact with them.

"Hey," they said, far more quietly than they had been speaking. "So it's summer now, huh?" They paused for a breath. "Never thought I'd miss.. y'know.." he waved at the school. "Anyway. It's just- I don't think I'll be coming back."

Your heart nearly stopped. "What?"

"It's not bad, it's not bad."

You couldn't stop yourself from thinking of every possibility as they paused, seemingly trying to figure out how to explain.. whatever this was to you. Was he okay? Were they going to move? Change schools?

"So- remember the restaurant jobs that kinda just all fell through?" they asked in a low tone.

You nodded hesitantly. What would that have to do with school-

"I've started.. kind of a job? Like- yeah, it's a job, I'm just-" they paused and sighed. "I started making YouTube videos. And- it's doing like, really unbelievably well."

A moment of silence reigned. They looked anxiously into your eyes, silently begging you to react.

"It's okay," you said, putting a hand on their arm in an attempt at comforting them. "It's just- you're sure it's enough that you won't need to come back?"

They nodded, sure of themselves this time. "It is. I know that much."

You started walking slowly, barely registering where you were headed. They really weren't coming back to school, then. They just didn't need it. There wouldn't be anything to look forward to next school year. You wouldn't see them on the daily next year. You wouldn't get to sit in the library together during study hall anymore. You wouldn't get to play Sticks with them during boring classes. You wouldn't get to make dumb jokes at each other over nothing anymore.

You should've had two more years.

You should've had your best friend right there with you until the two of you graduated and after that, even.

"Hey," their voice broke into your thoughts. "You're not mad, right?"

You looked up at them, tears you hadn't noticed before ready to spill down your cheeks. "No, no, I'm not mad, never mad, just-" you couldn't look them in the eyes anymore. You barely trusted your voice to crack. "I'm gonna miss you. So, so much."

Their arms wrapped around you almost instantly. It was warmth, it was love, it was home, you didn't want him to let go-

"Y/n," they said in the most gentle tone you'd ever heard them use, "this doesn't mean you and me are gonna change, okay? I know this is a lot. I'm scared too. Just please.. try to trust me? We can keep in touch and everything, this doesn't mean we'll never see each other," they reassured you. "Maybe I could introduce you to some of my new friends? I don't mind streaming with you," they offered.

You looked up, a playful smile barely beginning to break through the tears. "It's a deal then," you said. "I'm still making you help with Spanish homework though."

A half-pretend groan escaped the taller as the two of you began walking towards the bus for the last time that spring.

have a picture of ranbaba with the unedited unproofread fic

it's late and this took longer than anticipated but I love you all <3 I'm just gonna post this and add tags later :] goodnight gamers!!

#platonic ranboo x reader #dsmp x platonic reader #ranboo x you #ranboo x reader #ranboo x y/n #ranboo x gn!reader

[tsunael]

10 characters/10 fandoms/10 tags

Tagged by : @icehearts & @aethergazing Tagging : Girl you think I know 10 people??

1. Bayonetta <- Bayonetta

I just love her, okay. She's gorgeous, she's confident, she's a witch that fights with her hair and can run 80 mph in 5in pumps. Jokes aside, I just love that her sexuality is a thing that she owns and has fun with-- and it's never used against her maliciously. (I also love her parallels to Dante my other fave). I could go on more but basically... she's truly one of a kind.

2. Akihiko Sanada <- Persona 3

My long-time beau. I RP'd him for about 8 years and met a lot of good people through that blog so I'm a little biased in how sentimental I am over him and Mitsuru. I'd add her too but I'm doing my best to be diverse here. Anyway, I just love him-- he fits all of my standards. He represents the Emperor arcana: the 'father' type. He's a control freak, he drags his guilt around by the ankle, is fiercely protective, has a little jealous streak, and is a hot-headed idiot (who is actually very smart)... And DON'T say it's because he has white hair.

3. Garnet <- Final Fantasy IX

The older I get, the more IX means to me. She has been my favorite since I was little. Not to get personal but I find her relatable: she grew up sheltered but was expected to do great things, and I am sympathetic that her mother (once kind and loving, even though we don't see it) was turned against her by forces she couldn't control. She deals with her grief more realistically than most FF heroines-- she gives into depression and self doubt but she never becomes bitter and that's something I want for myself.

4. Yuna <- Final Fantasy X

My grandma and I played all the FFs together, but the one that really made an impression was X. Yuna is my love: thematically, symbolically, and aesthetically. My sacrificial lamb who would burn herself to keep others warm. She takes her notoriety and her father's burden with grace and never shies from it even when she loses her faith in the system designed to throw her to the wolves. Also every line she has has such gravitas behind it... beautiful writing, beautiful voice acting. My forever girl.

5. Nier <- NieR

My doomed boy. I don't want to go into spoilers because Nier is more of a niche game, but I love him so much (and dadnier, too.) The moral quandary this game has... the morally grey protagonists... I love a character who loves with all his heart and would give anything for the people he loves. The side-story where it's implied he even ***** ******* for some coin was... man.

6. Kim <- Xenogears

Trying not to spoil here either it's just vague. IYKYK.

I thought about putting Elhaym here but I feel like the Zeboim era has more characterization than the main lol. Anyway. I love how he has become so cynical about the world around him, yet he is still willing to save and create life, only to find he suffers from the same affliction. As a scientist, he embodies the question: 'What makes a God?' and 'What is does it mean to be human?'. I love his story and I wish there was more.

7. Rubedo Yuriev <- Xenosaga

He's an idiot, he's a tragic figure, he's learned, he's traumatized, and his relationship with MOMO is uhhhhhh complicated. Honestly maybe I should have put Yuriev here because he's such an interesting villain. The URTVs are all squashed together for me like one big delicious smoothie anyway so.

Anyway Rubedo, your dad stared into The Abyss and it stared back and now he's insane and his fear of God and his own mortality was so strong he would use his own flesh and blood to run (and it was honestly really sexy of him) but what he never seems to grasp is that you can't run from what you can't see and sooner or later it will catch up.

8. Misato Katsuragi <- Neon Genesis Evangelion

Hi I love women with daddy issues.

I love her with Kaji. She looks for her father in him, while he's searching for his mother, but Misato, try as she may, she will never be a mother to anyone--not to Kaji, and certainly not to Shinji. There's a ton you can read into nge characters but there's something to be said about the trauma our parents force us (willing or unwillingly) to inherit, and how we hurt others as a result of that.

9. Dante <- Devil May Cry

He's so fucking stupid (affectionate). Dante Alighieri is rolling in his grave.

He's not only a boyloser but a boyfailure. He gets bullied by women and children and could probably suplex the earth. He loves his mom!!!

Anyway I love that he exudes a type of masculinity and machismo at first glance only to play the game and see he's a little fruity. I'm also a sucker for characters with duality themes that, when asked 'what makes us different?', the answer is because they chose to love-- which is not something you'd expect from a hack n slash game, inspired by resident evil in which you find new and exciting ways to kill things... yanno?

10. Kenzo Tenma <- Naoki Urasawa's Monster

I was running out of characters and was about to put Thancred or Squall but that's too many FFs so I tried to think of some anime that made an impression on me and Tenma came to me. We needed another Liam O'Brien rep here, clearly.

Anyway read/watch Monster if you haven't, it's an amazing mature series that barely feels like an anime.

Again, the themes of duality here-- who embraced life and who would rather take it? If Johan represents the inherent evil in the world, and man's propensity for it, then Tenma represents all that is good. He's just so tragic. The moment he finally stands up for himself he's punished for it, then when pushed to his limit, saves the life of a little boy only to be cursed for it. Even through everything he never gives up on people, and every life he touches is changed for the better. And that ending... oh man.

He's babygirl x100.

#tag game #thank you!! #xoxotext #i wrote this through several late nights so it's not very eloquent lmao

[frogcat7-2]

Blogs, resent events, goals & stuff:

[ 2007 ]

Main blog on the phone (It's mostly my twaddle blog where I reblog stuff but some of my; mostly traditional; art can be found as well) : @frogkingtheorginal

A sad thing happend lads, I've lost access to my main design blog: @frogcat7 , and my side Survivors-dogs-centered blog: @the-fierce-dog

I will still try to fix the problem and get my blogs back, but for now I'll dump all my designs here as my new main art blog. I won't devide into diffrent blogs this time (at least not till I'l be sure I can't get my blogs back).

Really You can do like whatever with my art, like everything, I don't care, I would actually enjoy seeing people get inspierd by my work, just credit it if You do is es simple as that. Thou I won't execute it, I'l just leave it up to your morality.

I won't rebrog all of my art from the previus blogs here, only the most essential of them, so series I'm planing to continue in the nerest future: Warrior cats from my new poll of designs (where I gotta catch 'em all? XD), Survivor Dogs character designs #1 (Graceful), & an portrait of OS ( Yeah I will continue what I started; I won't leave you guys in the lurch with this, @myzetauniverse, @homovulcanensis u where so nice to me my heart melted. So, he for sure will get even more company then just Winnetou ;)

______________________________________________________________

Inside blog stuff, tags & AU!

(it's mostly the same thing I started here: @frogcatwcbiologyrewrite but I hope that this time I'd menage to do more ;)

If u have notised that my cats are a bit off or uncanon it's 'couse I have created a AU. It's called:

'I took cats from UK to US and called it a day'AU!

(very creative title I know, maby I chane it later)

So, well as the name suggests one of the main things I have cheanged in this rewrite is the fact that unlike in canon my cats does not live in the UK but roughly in southern Oregon and northern California. (thou I have never been ther nor I have ever been to the USA, the flora and fauna info I take from the internet) the territories may be inconsistent with where i set them buuut I just really wanna them to have all thouse wild west plants, animals and the advantages of this countrys wastnes. In my opinion it would really add to the story a lot and make it better :D (at least for me)

Other main changes I made (I will add them here as I come up with new ones):

The Tribe of the Rushing Water now have FIRE! (and thanks to this ability to make some basic tools)

I have the full lore of how they get the fire as well as varius cultural aspects already created, I will post them somday propably, just need sometime to polish it and to draw it (+ more self esteem to post it XD) ps. I'm a fan of the Tribe :D

#rambles #wc #survivor dogs #erin hunter #karl may #old shatterhand

[shonenkun309]

A/N : My sweet potatoes, how are you? What's News? Hope you have a nice day/night. It's been a long time (literally) since I published the last chapter, the story is starting to take another and deeper turn, maybe that's why my brain has become as slow as a turtle hehe. But anyway I hope you enjoy the chapter and don't forget to give me your opinion and impressions of the events, love ya.❤

𝑯𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝑭𝒖𝒏 ~𝑺𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒏~

Chapters : 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , 6 , 7 , 8 , 9 , 10 , 11 , 12 , 13 , 14

Tags : @just-somehuman @the-bird-and-the-flute @kogasimp1 @callmeklair @colourless-hydrangeas @randomf2p

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 15

~FLASHBACK~

Nachi : "I guess...I think I'll stay here..."

Nachi's decision surprised Futaba very much, as she knows that Nachi always stays by her side and goes with her anywhere, claiming that he wants to protect her, but later she realizes the reason.

Futaba : "Nachi, I told you before, you're not to blame."

Nachi : "The Oni got to this state because of my recklessness, the least I can do is to stay by his side until he wakes up.”

He said and heaved a trembling sigh, his gaze directed to the ground, for some reason refusing to meet Futaba's eyes.

Nachi : "If he didn't- if he didn't interfere-"

Futaba : "If Koga hadn't intervened at that moment, you would've taken his place now."

Futaba interrupts him while looking at him with a serious look, Nachi raises his head and looks at her surprised by her response, so she continues.

Futaba : "Your fate wouldn't be different from Koga's if he hadn't intervened to save you. Blaming yourself will never solve anything, Nachi."

Nachi : "I'm fully aware of that but..."

Futaba : "I'm upset because Koga's current fate is unknown. Who knows what might happen to him in the coming days? But at the same time, I'm glad that things are finally over."

Futaba tried to motivate herself after the crisis ended despite the result, trying to put on her usual smile, strengthening her spirit, pretending that it wasn't that bad and that things would get better. Nachi noticed how upset she was but didn't force anything on her and decided to go along with her.

Nachi : "Okay. But- be very careful, if you get into any trouble I'll know and I'll come running to you. The oni may not be around right now but don't worry, your bodyguard will stay by your side even if he's away."

Futaba : "Haha, alright."

~FLASHBACK ENDS~

...

This conversation lingered in Futaba's mind for a long time, letting her feet lead her instead of the other way around. To find that she has arrived without realizing at her house, but she's surprised by the presence of two entities standing in front of the door.

Futaba : "Father and...Fukajiro?"

It was just whispered words but yet one of the two entities could hear it, Fukajiro turns to the other side and finds Futaba standing there. Her face lights up after seeing her friend, so she runs up to her holding her with her short arms. Futaba didn't react this time, it seemed like she was getting used to Fukajiro's habits.

Futaba : “Fukajiro, I'm so sorry I ran off and left you in the middle of the street for no reason.”

Fukajiro : "No need to be sorry. Your father told me the tale and I'm sure that article is a complete fibs."

Fukajiro looks with her emerald eyes into Futaba's eyes and adds to that look a small wink, trying to ease up on her friend. For some reason, Fukajiro's words comforted Futaba a bit, even though Fukajiro didn't know what was really going on around her, so Futaba patted Fukajiro's little head, stroking her brown hair that reminded her of the wet soil after a rain.

Fukajiro : "If you want to bring out what is in your heart, know that I'm always at your service."

Fukajiro kept looking at her with her emerald eyes refusing to untie her arms from Futaba hugging her more, while Futaba looked back at her and got a feeling...Her words sounded familiar, similar...warm...

Furaba : (She reminds me of him...)

That's what was going through her head after hearing what she was told, a bitter smile on her face still stroking Fukajiro's brown hair.

Futaba : "Thank you Fuka, I was in need to hear this today."

Fukajiro : "Why friends then?"

Fukajiro seemed to take the friendship between her and Futaba very seriously, going to her house to check on her and give her motivational speech despite her young age. After an exchange of words between them, the two friends said goodbye to each other and went their separate ways.

Several days have passed since the incident, gossip and rumors about the collapsing phenomenon have disappeared during these days. He was standing in front of his house's doorstep looking at the road left and right. It seemed as if he was impatiently waiting for something or someone, but what he was waiting for didn't appear. Sad expressions appeared on his face, as if he was about to cry.

"Masanobu. It's cold outside, come in before you get sick."

The mother calls out to her only child, Masanobu, who responds with only a simple nod but turns back to look outside, hoping that whoever Masanobu was waiting for will come but didn't...

That day Futaba was hanging out at Racord as usual trying to cheer herself up after what happened to her, but she came there alone because Nachi was still on his word that day.

Oji : "There you go, a delicious, sweet, warm cup of milk for bright eyes."

Futaba : "Thank you, Oji."

Oji puts the cup of milk in front of Futaba and receives thanks from her with a simple smile, then Futaba begins to drink the milk slowly. Kuro and Ginnojo joined the same table that Futaba is sitting at but didn't say a word and stared at Futaba after she finished her cup putting it on the table and stared at the empty cup for a while but Kuro then decided to break the awkward silence.

Kuro : "It's great to have things back to normal in the capital, don't you agree?"

Trying to lighten the atmosphere around them, Kuro uttered these words, looking at Futaba, but Futaba didn't budge from what she was staring at, and Kuro's attempt to improve the atmosphere fails as he receives no response from Futaba, and Ginnojo doesn't know what to say to comfort her either.

Aoi : "How are you feeling today, Futaba?"

Aoi's question suddenly wakes her from her stupor, and her eyes meet his, smiling at him.

Futaba : "I'm fine, thanks for asking, Aoi."

Her reply seems very ordinary, but Aoi could sense how dim the words that came out of her mouth were. It is true that their problem has ended, but its end has cost a lot. Their attempts to clear the air are in vain, until they are surprised by the sounds of the shop bell ringing lightly, so everyone turns to see who is coming, and are more surprised that the visitors were four people. The twins, Toichiro and Shizuki.

Toichiro : “Ah, I expected to find you hanging around here as usual.”

Toichiro speaks in his usual tone, checking the number of people in the shop trying to make sure no one else is here. While Futaba looked at the twins with eager eyes as if she was waiting to receive something from them, but Yura shook his head lightly, trying to convey the idea to her by just nodding without saying a single word, so Futaba's looks returned to their coldness again.

Kuro : "Yura and Gaku? You two are here too?"

Ginnojo : "Aren't you supposed to be taking care of Koga at the moment?"

Gaku : "Nachi and Kuya are there with him, my brother and I came because the fox pulled us over saying he wanted to tell us something."

Toichiro : "Don't rush to accuse me, I remember saying you were free to come or not."

Toichiro said sarcastically, and Shizuki let out a tired sigh, reminding his master of the main reason for coming here.

Oji : "Is there something you wanna share with us?"

Toichiro : "Rather say 'Somethings' "

Toichiro moved his gaze towards Futaba again, his features becoming more serious.

Toichiro : "Remember the prophecy that Kogare came here to warn us about?"

Everyone was surprised by his sudden question, as it had been a while since Kogare had brought this from the prophet after she came to the Kitsune Village.

Shizuki : "According to Kogare, the prophet did not give us accurate descriptions of this ominous presence."

Toichiro : "So I went to the kitsune village myself to check what was said...and surprisingly, several theories began to emerge."

Toichiro affirmed, drawing everyone's attention to him more and more. As soon as he uttered the word 'theories', many things took place in the minds of Futaba and those with her. Perhaps what they will hear from Toichiro may be the key to solving this mystery despite its end.

Shizuki : "Mistress Futaba's suspicions about the culprit being an Ayakashi were correct, it remains a matter of knowing what kind of Ayakashi it was."

Toichiro : "Ayakashi using sand as a weapon? It's unusual and unheard of."

Ginnojo : "Aren't there any Ayakashi like that?"

Toichiro : " 'Maybe, maybe not, the possibilities are there.' This is what I said to myself, but after what I found out, I retracted my words."

Gaku : "It is said that the only kind that can do this are a single type of Ayakashi called 'Tsuchi'.

Kuro : " 'Tsuchi'?"

Oji : "Could it be..."

That's when Oji let out a soft gasp but he caught everyone's attention and they turned their eyes on him.

Shizuki : "It appears that Master Oji recalled something?"

Oji : “Right, but I didn’t expect to hear that word after all this time.”

Yura : "Tsuchi, you say?"

Gaku : "You know something too, brother?"

Yura : "Who wouldst believe, after all these many years. I didst believe that they hadst gone away all these centuries yond past."

Yura utter these words in an ominous tone, which never brought anyone a comfortable feeling.

Aoi : "What are you guys talking about? I don't understand a single thing."

Oji : “These Ayakashi have been around for hundreds of years.”

Kuro : "Hundreds of years? Meaning that they're older than you, Old Man Oji?"

Oji answered Kuro with a soft chuckle.

Oji : "Well, something like that. It is never known where they came from, as it is clear, of course, they are able to impose their control over the sand.”

Futaba : "Those who attacked us were made of sand, can they be the Tsuchi you speak of?"

Oji : "This is possible, but what made me wonder is if there are still more of them."

None of them said a word, waiting for Oji to continue, so Yura continued it instead.

Yura : "Thy Tsuchi hath historically been regarded as outcasts, since yonder time immemorial, and the Tsuchi hath been banished from the Ayakashi, by reason of certain tales told of them."

Silence still dominated the atmosphere, waiting to hear what Yura would say next, quite sure that what they would hear later might shock them a lot.

Yura : "Thy rumor hast spread, that a single one doth be born among them. A mighty one capable of felling all Ayakashi."

Futaba : "What?!"

Kuro : "Is this for real?!"

Aoi : "No way!"

Gaku : "Are you sure about what you're saying?"

Oji : "I also picked up some similar words, but I didn't believe it at first. Besides, I've never met any Tsuchi in my life."

Yura : "Me likewise, for I hath ne'er encountered a single one in the one thousand years I hath dwelt. Nevertheless, seeing what doth transpire at present, it doth appear that the rumors be true indeed."

Oji : "Despite the differences between the Ayakashi that still exist until today, they concured on one thing : 'The Tsuchi should never stay alive', fearing for themselves that this powerful individual would one day exterminate them."

Yura : "But, ere that might pass, all clues of the Tsuchi hath suddenly vanished, and it was deemed that the Tsuchi hath slowly dispersed."

Toichiro : "So given your story, the matter of these Tsuchi's disappearances was just a twist?"

Ginnojo : "Let us presume that the theory is true, why were the Tsuchi targeting the capital?"

Gaku : "According to what Nachi told us, what happened that night made it clear that the target of the sandmen was Futaba and not the entire capital."

After saying this, all eyes landed on Futaba, which Futaba, in turn, just realized the same thing, in addition to remembering that night again. The sand entity was targeting her only, using two similar to it in order to hinder her comrades from interfering and seizing the opportunity to take her.

Futaba : "You mean that, the Tsuchi want to get rid of me?"

Aoi : "And WHY Futaba of all people?!"

Oji : "Chill out, Aoi. Given their actions, it didn't seem like they had any intention of getting rid of Bright Eyes at first, it seemed like they wanted to take her somewhere. The question remains, where and why?"

Shizuki : “Let’s look at the matter from the other side. Considering the powers those Tsuchi have, I don’t think it was completely wrapped up that night.”

Shizuki's voice attracts attention with its cold tone that brought pessimism into the souls of Futaba and those with her, hoping that what Shizuki said has nothing to do with truth.

.

.

The sun begins to set toward the horizon, leaving behind a sky of fiery orange and crimson clouds that match the hair color of the girl walking under it. Futaba who was trudging home after hearing all those news and things, which probably no other girl her age could bear. After discovering a new Ayakashi, or rather...an Ayakashi that existed hundreds of years ago, possessing great power that no one knows what it is, in addition to not knowing how this Ayakashi affects others, causing them to collapse and enter a coma-like state, on top of all this, it targets her for a reason that is not yet clear, and the possibility of the Ayakashi returning again, given that the last battle was difficult, but its end was very easy, which raises suspicion. All this was enough to exhaust her psyche more, and that what the coming days bear may be very laborious for her, until she felt that the scene and location had changed for her, to find herself near the river bank. She remained standing, as if she was waiting for something or someone, but that wasn't the case. At that moment, she was recalling her memory of the first time she saw the Sandman, that night after which the course of events began to develop, and that their discussion a short time ago was the incentive for her to remember this.

Futaba : "Wait, the sand is still here...?"

Futaba hurried closer to the bank to find that the sand left there from that night was still there.

Futaba : "When sand is left behind, this is a sign that they have left the place completely, and if they don't, it means that they are still in the vicinity. But...if a long time has passed since that night, then this sand should disappear completely...unless-"

"Enjoying your stressful relaxation, Lady onmyoji?"

Futaba : "Whaa!!"

Because Futaba was deep in her thoughts, a soft voice came from behind her, causing her to be surprised, so she turned back and was even more surprised by the owner of the voice.

Futaba : "You...Chizuko?"

Chizuko : "Good day."

The prophet appeared from behind Futaba with her usual smile, indifferent to the reaction she had just received from Futaba. Meanwhile, Futaba is still confused by this sudden encounter.

Futaba : "What...are you..."

Chizuko : "I was on my way to see the young heir but fate brought me to you instead, doesn't it sound arousing?"

Futaba : "Young heir? are you talking about Toichiro? what do you want from him?"

Curiosity builds up in Futaba, wanting to know the Prophet's desire to see Toichiro, but the prophet quickly changes the subject.

Chizuko : "Seems that you're still tussling with case that is extremely sensitive, no?"

Futaba : "You know the identity of the one who cause all this, yet you ran to the Kitsune village to make your prophecy reach me. Why you didn't come to me in person?"

Chizuko : "Would you be able to pay off the price that I will ask of you if I came and tell you in person?"

Futaba becomes silent after hearing these words, as it is known that the prophet always demands prices that a human mind would never accept for every prophecy she gives.

Chizuko : "I didn't reach out to you the first time because I was fully aware of your inability to pay my simple bill, but now as the current situations start to become more hazard, I see you are capable."

Futaba : "What do you mean?"

Chizuko : "I can give you a straight information about the culprit. including the name."

Futaba : "Really? You will? But, it costs something...something unusual, am I right?"

Chizuko : "Definitely yes, a precious prophecy deserve a precious price to say the least."

Futaba : "What is that precious price you're asking which you think I have?"

Chizuko : "A soul."

Futaba : "A- a soul...? Whose soul...?"

Chizuko : "The soul of the first person that came to your mind the first time you heard the word."

Silence prevailed again, and only the sound of the breeze was heard caressing the grasses near the river bank. Futaba expected something like this, but what she did'nt expect was that the Prophet knew what she was thinking.

Futaba : "No...no way, I could never do this. why do you think I'll agree with this???"

Chizuko : "Then are you willing to see more people suffer one after the other from a hidden power no one knows anything about it? you'll abandon many lives only to save one life?"

Those words that Chizuko uttered were as cold as ice, and the logic stemming from her words was indisputable. Futaba stared at the prophet for a long time, waiting for other words, but this didn't happen, and panic almost dominated her thoughts.

Futaba : "I- No...I can't...do that...I...I'll find out the truth by myself, I don't need your prophecies."

Chizuko : "If that's so, then you need to hurry, all of those who have already fallen under the influence of this puzzled powers do not have much time, they won't be sleeping forever. The sand in their hourglass is about to reach it's last grains."

That's all Chizuko said before she was about to leave, leaving Futaba standing in her place, not daring to move her feet or say anything else, her eyes were directed to the ground trying to comprehend what happened and what was said moments ago.

Futaba : " 'The sand in their hourglass is about to reach it's last grains...' "

𝑻𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒖𝒆𝒅 ➡➡➡

#ayakashi romance reborn #ayakashi koga #ayakashi koi meguri #ayakashi kuya #ayakoi #koga kitamikado #arr ginnojo #ayakashi toichiro #ayakashi shizuki #ayakashi fanfic

[perfectarmony]

ep 8 of TCL had multiple scenes with Arman at Thony's house/garden. do you think that was just for convenience or do you think the writers are trying to merge their worlds a bit more? some have noted that he looked out of place there - do you think they are trying to highlight how different Thony and Arman's everyday lives still are (what a diff betw Nadia & Arman's home vs. Thony's, lol) or starting to make it seem more natural for him to be there? obviously, it's much easier to have Arman there when Thony's family is not around. where do you see it going in the next few eps? tx.

Okay, well this is about to get messy anon! 😅

Welcome to this week's episode of ''my two cents on Armony'' I guess??

Disclaimer as always: this is just how I see things - and those things are always clearer in my head 👀

Also, Tumblr apparently hates me, and I had to start this entire thing again from scratch after it failed to save as a draft, so I might come back to add something I forgot later 🙄

Okaaaay, so I finally had time to quickly go through the tag, and I definitely mostly agree with what has been said about that part! so I won't dive too much into it, because others have already said it perfectly!

But there is something I'd like to add though, because I feel like by focusing so much on their scenes, we don't see that a lot more is actually going on.

To try to answer your question, I don't think anything is done for convenience on this show - but what struck me most during this episode wasn't really their scenes, but Thony's - alone in that house.

And all I could think of was this house no longer feels like home

sorry not sorry if that song is now stuck in your head, but that's all I could hear (also, don't take the song, that is about cheating, literally - just make the lyrics that feel relevent fit Thony's pain and let the song guide you 🤧 I am not going to start vidding this song when I have 100 other projects on standby. Nope.)

The director did a magnificent job there. I absolutely loved those quiet, yet powerful scenes where Élodie just shines through the pain and emptiness her character is feeling.

To have to watch her all curled up in Luca's bed or simply sitting on her bed and staring into the void - and then cutting to the noisy, chaotic and happy bubble Fiona and the kids are in...it was just stunningly painful.

Okay, you might wonder where I'm getting at with that, but keep those scenes in mind and let me go back to Arman and Thony.

You're right, the difference between their two houses is stricking. At least it usually is. But not so much this time...if you're willing to look past the money tied to Arman's house.

As gorgeous and fancy as Nadia and Arman's house is - it's just that: a cold and empty house with no soul. I might be influenced by the fact that we only saw that house when they had fights or difficult times, but still - it doesn't feel like a home to me.

And this is just how Thony's house (and heart...) felt during this episode - empty, cold and way too quiet. When Arman first came by, that's all he could hear - the screaming silence, instead of the warmth he may have expected (and maybe hoped) to find there.

Something else to remember: Thony is in this situation because she wanted to help Arman - and this is maybe also partially why he felt so out of place. He knows how much her family - Luca - means to her, and yet, because of that choice, she has to stay away from them. I wish we would see more of it on screen - but we shouldn't forget about the guilt Arman could be feeling for dragging her into this mess. (and yes, she made her own decision, but still.)

Also. Arman had already lost it all - his power, his money, his wife/family. For Thony, her only treasure has always been her family - the only thing that truly mattered, the light she came home to when everything else was dark. But this was the first time she was left with nothing, and no one.

I can hear you - 'but she has Arman.' Yes. And no.

When Arman and Thony were together, they had nothing but each other - and they chose to be alone together. Arman offered to stay, and she didn't even hesitate one second - because he represented safety, comfort, but also, to some extent, family.

She still had to come to terms with the fact that every move she takes to keep her family safe is painting a target on their backs - and that she had to stay away from them to protect them.

And then, she had to push Arman into Nadia's arms in an attempt to keep both their families safe. But in doing so - to some extent (send help. I'm reading way too much into all of this and I'm turning in circles.) - she had to watch Arman get back to his family, and to what she sees as his home. More than that, him being with Nadia meant that he was able to protect her - while she's all by herself, has no control, and has to stay as far as possible from her family to keep them safe.

When he comes back to give her the key card, this is also what Arman feels guilty about - to have to leave her alone while he has someone to go home to - even if it's just a lie.

Am I making any sense? Or am I just inflicting myself more pain unnecessarily by trying to turn my thoughts into words? 🤧

As to where I see things going in the next episodes - careful spoilers incoming in 3.....2......1.......

*************spoilers*************

after reading the synopsis for 2x09, I guess Arman won't have to play pretend much longer....But with everything going on - Bosco (rip), finding a new supplier, Luca getting worse, Thony going to Manila with Kamdar (🤧) I guess there won't be much time any of that. But I might still be over here hoping that they're together when Fiona takes Luca home. I think Chris and Jaz will be staying at JD's while Fi looks over Luca whenever Thony has to be away - so maybe there's a chance we could see him back there. But after that, Luca is at the hospital...so....🤧 Can you all feel the pain coming?!

Okaaaay, thank you for forcing me to verbalize my thoughts anon, and I hope I somewhat answered your questions! ❤️

#the cleaning lady #TCL spoilers #Asks #S02E08

[ashes-writing]

lifesaver pt II | csi miami ; t.speedle

A/N ; This is the second part to the ask/oneshot I wrote to answer it the other day lifesaver and for lack of a more creative name, we're uh.. sticking with this... For now. It may change in later parts BUT.. for now, we'll keep it like this. Also, if you haven't read lifesaver, you might want to go do that now real quick. Otherwise you're gonna be real lost I'm afraid.

Apparently, I'm just going to write a ton of readerxguycharacter fics and this makes my twisted lil heart so happy. We haven't seen the last of these two yet either, not by a long shot. I have.. plans for these two.

Pairing ; Tim Speedle x fem!reader

Timeline / Other Stuff to Note ; this is set AFTER he would have died. See, in my world, he did not die alright? he simply did not. So if I keep this up, it's gonna be a total AU for the most part.

Tag List ; @beardedbarba @justmeandanoverdrive and @uncrownedmox are the only people on my csi taglists. if you'd like to be added to my taglists for anything including fandom piece in question is for, please let me know or add yourself -> here.

Warnings ; fluff, oh my god, so much fluff. i went ham with this because it just felt like what my heart needed.

Other Stuff ; tag list doc || my rules - fandoms and some characters I write for || requests are open (pls.. pls... send me things) but they're limited to headcanon asks + filth/fluff alphabet letters and I'm not accepting wrestling / wrestlers in my ask box. Any other fandom/character but wrestling that I happen to write for is fine and I beg of you -> send me things.

I do not consent to my work being reposted elsewhere or copied/reworked/rewritten and reposted here or elsewhere. You don't own this, I do. So like... don't steal my shit.

The sports bar is packed full of people when Tim wanders into it off the boardwalk. You’re breezing around the place, a drink tray over full balanced precariously in your hand as you make your way past and double back, stopping to stand in front of him. You smile bright enough to light up the whole town. Tim chuckles and drags his hand over the back of his head as he shuffles his feet against the wooden floorboards.

“You work here?” he leans in to ask the question because at the front of the bar, a play in one of the three games being televised on different screens has a bunch of the old timers who frequent the place yelling and swearing and kicking up a fuss in general. You laugh softly and nod. “Mhm. It’s a family business. My grandpa started it, my dad took over. Now it’s mine.” you shrug.

“Hey little bit! Hey!” one of the louder patrons calls out as he turns to get your attention, “Stop flirtin with the flavor of the week and get me my beer, woman.”

“Calm your tits, Harold.” you retort, rolling your eyes as you add with a smirk, “Or do I need t’ call Martha down at the nursin home and tell her you snuck off again, hm?”

“Aw, c’mon sweetheart, don’t be like that.” Harold frowns and you shrug. You turn back around to face Tim and you smile. “I’m going on lunch in ten minutes, tiger.. If you want, you can sit in that little booth over there in the back?” you nod to the booth in question.

Tim chuckles again. And tries not to groan when you walk your finger up and down his chest before turning to walk away, get back to passing out drinks to the people in the front of the bar. Tim makes his way over to the booth you mentioned and he sits down, reaching for a menu. Watching the chaos at the front. Watching you as you move around behind the bar, pouring drinks and setting up rounds of shots. You happen to look up a time or two and wink at him and he bites his lip while laughing. And finally, five or six minutes later, you make your way over, with two of the biggest Cuban sandwiches he’s seen in a long time. You slide one across the table to him and you sit down on the seat across from him and breathe in deep, a goofy grin forming as you giggle and bounce in your seat a little. “I’ve been dying of hunger all day, I swear.” you admit before digging into your loaded cheese fries. Tim laughs and takes a bite of the sandwich, groaning as all the flavors hit and combine, making his mouth water as they burst before he swallows the bite he’s taken. “Damn. I thought Delko was the best at makin these.”

“And now?” you’re giggling when you ask but he chuckles. “Nah. This is amazing. Fuck.” he groans out. You laugh and shrug. “Cooking is kinda my thing.” you say it not in bragging, but in honesty. Cooking is something you’ve always liked to do and something you’ve definitely always been good at.

Your eyes settle on the vast stretch of white sand outside the window and you gaze at it for a few seconds. Tim follows your gaze and clears his throat. You lock eyes with him and as you take another bite of the overstuffed sandwich in your hand, you tilt your head slightly. “I can’t believe it took me almost drowning to get you to talk to me.”

Tim gaped. He chuckles quietly. “I couldn’t think of anything to say. Then that one day you had an entourage.”

You groan and roll your eyes. “The frat boys from hell.” you laugh as you say it. Tim nods. “Yeah, those idiots. What did the y want?”

“An older woman, apparently. When I told ‘em I wasn’t interested in little boys, kind of ended things real fast.” you laugh as you shrug again. There’s mustard at the corner of your mouth and Tim leans in before he thinks to stop himself, swiping at the streak of yellow with the pad of his thumb. Your breath catches in your throat and he pulls his hand away. It’s too quick and you frown because you miss the feel of his touch.

“You uh.. Mustard, sweetheart.” Tim chokes on the explanation and finds himself staring at your lips again. Trying to think of something -of anything, to say. Eric is the one with the conversation skills. Eric is the one who shines when it comes to stuff like this. Tim’s always been less talkative. Less good at hitting on or flirting with the person who catches his eye.

You speak up again, a soft laugh as you ask him, “So, I noticed the scar yesterday when you were heroically saving my stupid ass from drowning and becoming shark bait… What happened, tiger?”

Tim starts to tell you the whole story and you listen, leaning in to hang on every word. Someone puts a song on the ancient jukebox in the corner of the bar and you grimace as you listen to him talk about almost dying not too long ago. It's enough to give you pause because you know his line of work can be dangerous. The grimace was because you can't help but think about how close you came to never meeting him and it just doesn't sit well with you. “Yeah, I’m gonna cut him off after the next drink. When he starts to play that shit, he’s toasted.” you mumble, mostly to ease the tension. It's not a bad tension, it's just so damned thick.

Tim chuckles.

You fix your gaze on him for a few seconds. “Thank God you didn’t die.. When you got shot on the job, I mean.”

Tim snorts. “Because I saved you from drowning right, princess?” he’s half joking when he says it, but he’s not expecting your answer to be what it ends up being. Takes him by total surprise.

“No, actually.” you take a long sip of the soda you’d almost forgotten about. “Because I wouldn’t have gotten to see you that first time on the beach.” you give a little smile, blowing bubbles into your soda through the twisty straw in it. “If you hadn’t had to save me yesterday though.. I was definitely going to talk to you today when I came down to the beach to eat and tan.”

“Oh really? What were you gonna say?” Tim questions. Leaning into you across the table a little.

“Just a stupid cheesy line.” you shrug, laughing. “Maybe something like are your pants mirrors because I can see myself in them.” you grab some fries and pause mid bite to laugh as you watch his facial expression. He’s going red in the cheeks, it’s the cutest damn thing you’ve ever seen. Through a mouth full you tell him “Hey, I can’t help it, you’re hot.”

He points to himself.

“Yes you, who else?” you ask, laughing softly. The laughter dies away and all he can do is stare at you quietly. You’re staring right back. And your hand settles on top of his in the middle of the table. “Besides saving idiots like me on your day off.. What else do y’ do for fun, tiger?”

“Take my bike out for long rides.” Tim shrugs, “Work on it.” he takes a bite of his food. “Sometimes I take my camera out, take photos of shit. I’m boring as hell, okay?”

“Ooh, you’re a hero, a cop and a photographer… And you own a bike… Fuck, where have you been all my life?” you tease gently, but you’re only half teasing because the simple truth is Tim Speedle is probably your dream guy. To a literal T.

And until you nearly drowned the day before, you’d kind of started to believe that maybe your dream guy didn’t exist.

Now you were sitting in your bar with him across the booth from you and you were really starting to wonder if maybe there wasn’t something there between the two of you.

The only thing you know with any certainty is that you definitely can’t wait to find out.

#tim speedle #tim speedle imagine #tim speedle fanfiction #tim speedle fanfic #tim speedle x fem!reader fanfiction #tim speedle x fem!reader fanfic #tim speedle oneshot

[mineonmain]

Reveal your Watch and Rewatch List! (BL Edition!!)

Thank you my love @disaster-j for tagging me - This is extremely overdue I know; I had this whole post written out almost 2 weeks ago but then right when I was getting ready to publish this 💖lovely💖 website decided to refresh and my post was lost. I was so mad that I didn't want to re-write it, but here I am anyways.

Currently Watching (I'm extending this to shows that have juuust finished too)

Kinnporsche - It's so fresh in my mind. I have way too many thoughts about this show to put down here, so i'm going to make another post similar to my Not Me Retrospective - all the things that were right and the things that were not. It may not have stuck to the book, and it may not have fully lived up to all the hype and expectations, but it's still unlike any other BL i've seen so far. Gotta commend them for that. Also it's the VegasPete show now, sorry I didn't make the rules. 7/10 (i'm sorry pls don't @me just read my retrospective later)

To My Star 2: Our Untold Stories - talented brilliant incredible amazing show-stopping spectacular...I think she deserves a separate post for herself too. Maybe when i'm not drowning under the guilt of not working on my Dissertation. There wasn't too much angst, the ending wasn't rushed, it was honestly perfect. Imperfect can be perfect too, you know. 11/10

Old Fashion Cupcake - I had low expectations for this so it kind of blew me out of the water. Great acting, incredible chemistry, and that scene in Ep 4 lives rent free in my brain. It's amazing how they (mostly) managed to tell a story in just 5 episodes and still have it feel complete and not unnecessarily rushed. A teensy bit of beef with how the finale went, but there's always something isn't there. 8.5/10

My Secret Love - Pretty mid, like the standard GMMTV sort of fare, featuring My-ponytail-is-my-personality-trait Boy, Walmart Saint Suppapong, Why RU's too-many-couples disease, mildly problematic behavior and a thin excuse of a plot. Still, it's nice to get something banal and light-hearted after all the weekend angst of KP and TMS. The latest ep was surprisingly better and less superficial than all the others so far.

Star and Sky: Sky in my Heart - The sequel to JoongDunk's Star in my Mind, this is typical lighthearted GMMTV stuff ft. P'Mek and debut actor Mark. A series of mini-series' where new couples get to flex their acting muscles a bit and test out their chemistry on the screen. I don't have much to say except it's soft and cute, nothing too groundbreaking.

Looking Forward To

Never Let Me Go (PondPhuwin)

Between Us (BounPrem)

My Only 12% (SantaEarth)

Remember Me (maybe??) (JaFirst)

Happy Ending Outside the Fence

Love in the Air (maybe??)

War of Y (maybe??) (BillySeng and more)

Moonlight Chicken (EarthMix)

Blueming S2 (let's freaking GO)

Rewatch

So. I'm not in the middle of rewatching anything at the moment, frankly I do Not have the time for full rewatches, but when I get in the mood I tend to rewatch specific moments from certain shows instead of full rewatches:

Bad Buddy Ep 5 4/4

Bad Buddy Ep 11

Literally anything from BBS who am I kidding

ATOTS Ep 6 3/4

ATOTS Ep 10 4/4

UWMA EP 2 4/4

Why RU FighterTutor Cut

LBC AePete Cut

WBL Ep 5

WBL 2

Utsukushii Kare Ep 5-6

Semantic Error

Mr. Heart

Light On Me (esp Ep 13)

Tharntype Ep 6/Ep 12

UWMA WinTeam Cut

Blueming Ep 9/Ep 11

TMS 2 Ep 4/Ep 10

OFC Ep 4

Love Is Science? MarkOuwen Cut

2gether Ep 6 3/4-4/4

My Tasty Florida

(Can you guys smell a theme hmmm I wonder🤔) Y'all I'm so sorry about this gotdamn list. It ran away from me. RIP. If anyone actually goes thru this, veterans discount for you. I could probably add more if I stopped to think more but that's where i'm gonna stop for now.

Tagging (I don't rly have friends but): @elevatormusic @whatisgodtoanonbeliever @incandescentflower @liyazaki @onstoryladders @strutforlove @billlkin @7nessasaryevils @excessivelyobssesed @milkpansa @johnnysuhsbathtowel @rythyme @piningbisexuals @ablazenqueen

#watch and rewatch list #bl watch game #bruh i'm saving every few lines #i'm not gonna risk it for the biscuit this time #this whole post is fucking insane #but it's also a good way for me to remember what shows i've seen #bl series #bl drama #thai drama #thai bl #japanese bl #korean bl #kinnporsche the series #kinnporsche #to my star 2: our untold stories #to my star 2 #old fashion cupcake #my secret love #star and sky the series #i'm not gonna tag any of the other shows bc let's be real there's about 30 more i've mentioned #this is so lame i hope this gets me some engagement #and if anyone wants to scream at me about any of these shows then pls slide into my DMS or send me an ask #i'm very excitable about this kinda stuff #wheeeeeee

[feline17ff]

Chapter 9 of Sparrow Hood's Diary: My mom's book

Summary: We're taking a break from the General Villainy plotline and learning more about the book "Secrets of Sherwood Forest" by Maid Marian.

AO3 link

---

Notes:

I made up mirrortop to mean EAH's equivalent of laptop lol.

If you aren't familiar, Secrets of Sherwood Forest is a book Queen Charming gives Darling in A Semi-Charming Kind of Life, with suspiciously callused hands not fit for a queen if I may be bold enough to add.

We don't know anything about the book so you'll have to live with my theories about it :P

And I haven't read A Semi-Charming Kind of Life, and I don't plan to, because of this convo I had in the notes with Tumblr user @titansfilm (spoilers for the book maybe)

That book sounds too uncomfortable for me and I do not want to read it.

---

I was still a bit shocked by the swan princess' destiny so I couldn't focus on my GV assignment.

So I decided to look up the book mom gave me. 

I checked the mirrornet for a review or summary but it's like it doesn't exist?

Then my busted old mirrortop got stuck. It wouldn't shut down, wouldn't move. Man, I wish I could use some of Robin Hood's bounty for a new laptop. Maybe I could sell the treasure I get from Badwolf for it. 

I took my mirrortop and book to my bro Humphrey in the AV Club - he's a pro with tech stuff. We met up in Wonderland one summer, he’s a fellow writer, gamer, and all around cool dude.

Blondie came in later and her mom's a tech wiz so she and Humphrey worked on my mirrortop together.

Some other students came in too - I wish I could remember who exactly because something weird happened later. 

They fixed my mirrortop, and I listened to some of Humphrey's poetry in return. Methinks he's got a not-so-secret crush on one of the fairest princesses at EAH. She better not break his heart, otherwise I'll come after her; I don't care if she’s a princess.

Dexter's also in the AV Club, and since he also volunteers at the library, I thought maybe he could help me find out something about the book.

When I picked up my book, a piece of paper fell out and, get this, it had some Riddlish on it? I'm sure it wasn't there before so it must've been one of the students who came into the AV Club when I wasn’t paying attention.

I pocketed the paper before I showed the book to Dex. He said it looked familiar but he couldn't find anything about it when he checked the library database. That’s weird. He then noticed the author and said we could just ask my mom. Well, duh. For a smart guy he sure misses a lot of obvious stuff.

---

Notes:

If you didn't catch it, Sparrow has a busted laptop because his dad won't buy him a new one coz that's rich people stuff, so Sparrow has to be resourceful and work with what he's got or earn/steal cash on his own to buy stuff he wants.

Goldie Lockes knows computers in The Class of Classics so now she and her daughter are tech wizes :P

---

Unofficial tag list coz you guys showed interest (yes, I forgot to tag you guys 2 days ago 😅)

Let me know if anyone wants to get off or on the list :)

@countdeworde @eahravinqueen @the-lavender-creator @stone-cold-style @broadwaytheanimatedseries @inamindfarfaraway

#ever after high #feline writes sparrows diary #sparrow hood #feline17ff #eah fanfic #my writing #secrets of sherwood forest

[cerisetial]

rise and shine sweeties!

hello, and welcome to my writing blog if you do manage to make it here <3! my name's cerise, a fairly new writing blog, though not inexperienced that's for sure! how about a quick introduction before we begin this journey? don't worry the cookies will arrive later!

information about me and some quick words ! :

yahallooo! the name's cerise, as you can probably tell. the pronouns i go by are she/her. when it comes to nicknames i'm not particularly against them, so long as they're not offensive or meant to be an insult.

i don't exactly have a proper updating schedule, since most times i usually just write when motivation comes to me, but i will try to update at least once a week, probably even more depending on how motivated i'll be

i do accept anons! so if you'd want to be one just send an ask with whatever name or emoji you'd like to be associated with and i shall let you know if it is taken or not

i will be doing my best to keep this blog friendly for everyone! i want this blog to be considered a safe space for others to indulge in their heart's and imagination's desires as well as a space where we can just chat! so please be nice not only to me but also to each other!

seems like that's good enough for now, onto the writing tidbits!

fandoms i will be writing for:

danganronpa

mystic messenger

(recently added) genshin impact

for danganronpa, the games i will be writing for are:

danganronpa trigger happy havoc

danganronpa 2: goodbye despair

danganronpa 3: killing harmony

what i can write:

fluff, hurt-comfort, platonic, and angst

character x reader

one shots, headcanons, comfort letters and fluff alphabets (though mostly headcanons)

what i will not write:

nsfw

anything that revolve around the topics of pedophilia, racism, sexism, incest, abuse and gore

character x character (i'm still learning, please bear with me)

rules and some clarifications :

will be limiting the amount of characters per request to around just 5

do be sure to specify a gender when you make a request. if one is not specified i shall be writing it with a gender neutral reader instead :)!

if you'd like the reader to act a certain way (eg. be extremely shy or boisterous, etc.) do specify this as well

for danganronpa requests: you may request for a reserve course student reader or a reader that is part of the ultimates (feel free to request for a specific ultimate talent too)

some things to add:

recently i have been watching some playthroughs of danganronpa another: despair academy as well as super danganronpa another 2, so i might consider writing for it once i've gotten everyone down!

although i am alright with writing about every character from the fandoms above, there are a few characters that i am not very experienced with writing such as characters like teruteru hanamura, hifumi yamada, junko enoshima, mukuro ikusaba, ray, rika, and a few more, so if ever they are not written very well (although i intend to do my best to do them justice), please do excuse me, i will try to get to know all of them more as time progresses!

things to add about the love letters in case it's a bit confusing~

love letters — oh, what's this? seems like there's a letter at your door from . . . oh, no name, but that's cause we're still teaching you a bit about how these letters work haha! you may request for some special letters written by your favorite characters, whether it be a letter proclaiming their love, or a letter expressing their sentiments, the choice is yours! all that is asked for is the context you'd like as well the character you want to send the letter to you! an example perhaps if it's still confusing, "jumin sending you a letter while on a business trip", or maybe even "sayaka maizono sending you a letter about a concert she's holding on a different state". whatever you want, your wish is my command! well, as long as it falls within the line of the rules of course

tags!

#cerisetial - general tag

#cerisetialwrites - tag for every written work

#cerisetalks - tag for interactions

#cerisetialanswers - tag for answering questions

#masterpieces - tag for reblogged artwork/written works

#cerisesthoughts - tag for random thoughts

i will be sure to add separate tags for all of my anons (if ever anyone is interested)

pretty sure we got all the important bits down, so thank you very much for reading till the end if you have, i appreciate you a lot sweetie ♡ don't forget to take care of yourself always. and before i forget, here have your cookie 🍪! i love you to the stars and beyond!!

- cerise

#danganronpa #danganronpa x reader #danganronpa blog #danganronpa trigger happy havoc #danganronpa goodbye despair #danganronpa killing game #mystic messenger x reader #mystic messenger blog #mystic messenger #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact #cerisetial

[magpiejay1234]

I will do over Days in a much, much later date now. We'll likely be moving to Tag Force 5.

****

Anyway, back to Days, due to BBS Volume 2 concept trailer, many people assumed Ventus moving away from his Chamber was him becoming Roxas. This is a particular pet horse of Frustrated Jacob, who very unambigiously dislikes the character, and everything he stands for. This is a common trope for KH1-primary fans, or as I like to call them, Genwunners of KH.

However, the game proper has the whole Shadow the Hedgehog style red herring of him being a replica, with the implication of Kairi's memories of Sora being the thing that allows him to leave the Org., so Nomura's original idea was something different, something we don't know, and probably never know, as many plot points in BBS V2 were repurposed in other games, primarily KH3.

So this is seemingly another case of Jacob forcing his interpretation, rather than Nomura's actual intention. Which is fair I guess, we end Xion's death with the whole Asuka hand to cheek pose in EoE, so a decent chunk of Days is meant to be up to interpretation.

Either way, it seems with the The Truth About Naminé thing, the whole ambiguity around Roxas seems to be intended by primarily by Kanemaki who wanted bring back her favourite character Naminé back, and since Xion is basically her OC, she needs to bring back the person she self-shipped herself with. And obviously as an easy out it is, the Replicas of characters without bodies is a consistent way to achieve this.

****

Since game crashed, I cannot say a full verdict about Days's storyline as I cannot get to the post-game stuff, but what I experienced so far up to Day 358 has been quite good, and gave me a similar experience to KH2 FM, despite Days having a more uneven script at parts. I consider the game version to be superior to movie version, due to added context for the rest of Org.

Do I consider this game deserves a remake? Sure.

Would I expect it to be as good? Not with current SE, and Nomura's current priorities (we would need add stuff to tease next game in MoM arc).

Would I expect this game to be remade over Re:Coded? Certainly not. As others noted, Re:Coded has a much better balanced gameplay, though I probably won't prefer it since it doesn't have the sheer power experience of the late-game Days has.

Considering the fandom's current disdain for the platforming, adventuring, and RPG aspects of KH over the character-action-combo gameplay against human bosses, I don't expect a game like Days to be ever made. Western Fandom really, really wants Final Fantasy franchise overall to become Devil May Cry with better writing, and that is nothing but a pure nightmare concept for me, and one that will further degenerate KH's plot structure for centuries.

Would I recommed this game? It will take a really long while you to get full hang of this game, since this game is the anti-Speedrun game due its visual novel structure, but if you are into visual novels over speedrunning action slashers, this game is the Kingdom Hearts game for you. Due to Kanemaki's influence, the story does better justice to the visual novel formula over BBS, and Coded's variants, not to mention there is tons of added context to KH2.

So yes, get a good setup, and play this game, and document every oddity here, since the stuff introduced here are the ones Nomura digs the least through, which means more people will be bamboozled when they come back.

Now we wait for the inevitable Strelitzia game, where you play as the Specter Nobody, playing the events of CoM from Marluxia's perspective. Just like CoM was partially based off SotN mixed with Castle of Illusions the Strelitzia game will be GBA Castlevania games with Soma Cruz mixed with the old DuckTales game.

#ty plays kh 358/2 days #shitposting

[nonmillennialstruggling]

Update- re: long-term guests

I posted about this situation earlier so that I could post to vent.  I didn’t have the heart to blog after I got back from the mountains mid-November. Here is the update.  Long post: Sorry I tried to collapse the recap and I don’t know why it isn’t working.  Within that text collapse I also tried to collapse the update and within that text collapse I tried another text collapse etc.  Each section is described in bold before-hand.  

Recap of What I’ve Posted About Already:

 Friend, grandma, and dog got evicted towards the end of September. I offered them a place to stay. He took the futon in the living room, grandma took the bed in my room, and I put an air mattress in the front room for myself where I literally had 6 inches between the air mattress and my desk. He was talking about finding a place for October 1st.

I don't see him actually leave the house that last week of September, but I figure he’s just been through a lot he needs a bit longer. I keep checking in with him in and let him know that I have to clear a longer than 30 day stay. It’s apparent that he needs longer, and he starts talking about November first.

I still don’t see him leave the house the first week of October, so I raise the issue to him again. He says he has found a place already actually and that they are getting it ready for him but that he is still looking at other places to have other options. He refers to this place being prepared for him a few additional times. I go away for a week, come back and he says that the place fell through because of the eviction on his record, which showed up on his credit report. This means that when he said the place was ready, he didn't actually have an approved application and lease ready to sign.

I raise the issue of a move out date with him again. He says he has found an extended stay hotel that was affordable and that they are moving out the end of October.

The week before they are to move, he says that his former landlord filled an elder abuse claim against him. Since I've been seeing how he cares for his grandmother I know that the claim was not made in good faith. I say goodnight to his grandma the night before they are to move, and it doesn't seem that she knows she is supposed to leave the next day. Moving day comes and my friend says that his friend who works for "the state" actually suggested that he not move because of the elder abuse investigation and that it would look like he had more stability if he stayed put. He says his friend had access to some notes about his case and that the only negative thing noted so far was that his grandma was not in a medical bed. He asks if he can set it up in the front room for the wellness visit. Wellness visit is supposed to happen next week, the first week of November.

I let them stay longer and know that I will check in after the wellness visit. Hearing that they weren't moving that day though was really really hard for me because at this point I’m really tired of being on the air mattress displaced from my room, in the front room where traffic wakes me up at 5 30, not having solitude, and also having to use white noise to screen out the news that my friend has on 24/7 in the living room. Also, November is a hard month for me and I really wanted my place back to myself for that reason too.

I go away for more travel and when I come back the medical bed is not set up and the wellness visit did not happen. I continue checking in with him about the investigation. I also in this time learn that his friend who works for "the state" works in the prison system and it is really weird to me that she would have any access to notes on his elder abuse case. (I contacted the agency that does the investigation to confirm whether or not someone outside the agency working for the prison could access any case notes- they said no one outside of the agency would have access to their case notes but that local police departments are also contacted and would have records too. The police department says that records from a local police department on an open investigation would not be shared with anyone working in the prison system under no circumstances).

 The Update:

 I go away to the mountains mid-November.  I think it was right before I went, I escaped to my desk downtown and felt very grateful to have it.  I wondered what I will do when I have to give it up when the lease ends but then I realize that I’m never sharing my place like this again.  I can do one week on an air mattress and one month of someone on the futon.  I come back from the mountains and can’t do the air mattress after a few days in an actual bed so I book an Airbnb for the rest of the week, that he did pay for.

He says he will move out the weekend before thankstaking to an extended stay hotel. He talked about moving in with his friend who works for the prison system but says that her mom just went into the hospital. I wish the case were closed before the move (if in fact there is a case). There is an interview scheduled the Thursday before he is to move and I really hope the case is closed because that would be before the move. At this point I am definitely fraying around the edges and recognize that I haven't been in my usual routines and that it has affected my productivity. If he is ok moving, I am ok with it.

I check in with him after the interview on Thursday and ask if he is still intending to move this weekend. If he says he needs more time I plan to offer him more time but ask that he move out either the weekend after the investigation closes or, since investigations can take months, at an agreed upon date, whichever is earlier.  I figure one month would be proper notice. And I felt ok about this since he had previously indicated that an extended stay hotel would not be an issue.  He says he is still planning to move that week, so I am glad to hear that.

Sat I say goodnight to his grandma and it also doesn't appear that she’s aware that they are moving tomorrow. This of course seems weird to me. He says that his friend who works for "the state" is supposed to help him move tomorrow. He doesn't have a specific time but says he will be in contact with her.

The next day it is 1 pm and she hasn't come yet. I check in with him because I had planned to be available to help with the move and wanted to check in to see if he needed my help or if I should just go downtown to work. (He can't drive because of a suspended license so I wanted to be available to help with driving). He indicates that he should have it covered with his friend and I let him know that if he needs me then he can just text me.

He Asks for More Time:

Here is a text I got from him later that day and following is my response and his response back. Also, I'll just state for context that after the fact I am pretty sure that he didn't have a hotel reservation and hadn't transferred his grandmother’s home health care to a new address (I inferred this from texts that occurs after the exchange I put below):

Him: Hey (Name). The money I planned to use for the extended stay was going to come from monies I let (name) borrow. She doesn't have the money to give to me and most likely won't have it well into December. I've included her here to verify. However, can we work out another agreement where I move my grandmother to the office so you can have your bedroom back? I literally have $106, for what I planned to buy groceries. (Name) has agreed to come over at 10 tomorrow morning to go get her bed, I need to arrange with storage company. I know this isn't what we agreed to but I just don't have the resources at this moment. I hate to be leaning on my friends like this but I truly don't have any options; my brother won't send any money and I'm trying to get my license sorted while the property is being sold. I know getting your bed back and not sleeping on the air mattress is important. I know it's more important to have your space back, yet I'll make things as comfortable as possible until I'm able to figure this out

Nov 24 6:10pm (time stamp)

Me: I can put it on credit and ask that you repay me when (name) is able to re-pay you in mid-December. Before you moved in you had talked about finding a place for October 1st, and then you were searching for November 1st, so I didn't discuss a concrete move out date with you. I was actually really looking forward to having my place back to myself November 1st though because this is a hard month for me. Then of course I wanted you to be able to get the wellness visit behind you (which I thought would happen the first week of November) and figured that we could set a move out date after the visit. Since you said you were moving out today though I didn't have that conversation with you. If money is the issue I'll spot you.

Nov 24 6:12pm (time stamp)

I've loved having you, your grandmother, and (dog's name) stay with me but I am an introvert and need quiet and it has been a much longer visit than I anticipated. While I have loved having you stay with me I have anticipated having my place back to myself November 1st and then today and it is hard for me when that is changed the day off. I'm confused as to why you would say you were moving out today though if you weren't able to confirm with (name) in advance that she could re-pay you. At any rate if money is the issue, honestly I want my place back to myself at this point more than I'm concerned about my credit limit and can lend that to you.

Nov 24 6:13pm (time stamp)

Him: I completely want to affirm I recognize your need for your space. I've tried my best to stay out of your way. I didn't find out until today that the resources I thought I'd have wouldn't be in place and I immediately notified you. Taking that amount of money from you, after you've opened up your home, wouldn't be helpful for my own mental health. Is it possible to put us out after I'm paid for December? With the research contract and my stipend, I should have enough to pay first/last/deposit for some place. It seems the holiday may not be a time where you want others around, yet it's completely opposite for my grandmother where this'll be the first time without her family and loved ones besides me.

Nov 24 6:13pm (time stamp)

My Response:

The things that were weird to me about his reply were: 1) that I had just stated what would be best for me and he implied that him staying would be actually be better for me than me helping them with a hotel stay, 2) he asserted their needs as more important than mine rather than equal, and 3) he referred to me putting them out when I was just asking that we follow our plan.

Since I was offering a way to address the barrier that he said he faced I told him I couldn't do longer and that I was offering a way to meet the barrier he said he faced.  He tried to push back but I held firm.

He moved himself, his grandmother, and some of their things on Monday. His stuff was all over when I came back Monday night and he hadn't done any cleaning, which was annoying because there was syrup that had spilled and hardened on my bedroom floor and a chewed up rug and things like that that I cleaned up Monday. I thought that "moving" implies taking all your stuff and cleaning afterwards, so I didn't explicitly state that these were my expectations. I don t feel that I should have had to do that though.

He said he was picking the last of his stuff up Wednesday morning, which turned out to be Wednesday night at 10 30. He did some other things that were not cool that I won't go into here.

If I give him the benefit of the doubt, I have to conclude that he is at best clue-less. The other extreme would be seeing him as having an agenda of manipulation. I think he has intentionally lied to me (I mean the thing about his friend seeing the case notes is a blatant lie) but I don't think he has an explicit agenda to be manipulative.  

Also, just for the record he is not and has not been in a place of shut down that may explain not planning his move or cleaning up afterwards.  And I have encountered another thing that is most likely a lie that I won’t go into here either.

I did raise the issue of what may be a feasible pay back plan because I figured at this point that I really needed to have firm boundaries with him because otherwise he would take advantage.  He agreed to it.  I also followed up with him on a paper that he said wanted to send out for publication about a month ago that I hadn’t seen a submission confirmation email for yet. He hadn’t submitted it and I’m realizing that I really hate it when I meet agreed upon deadlines in order to keep a project on track where then the next person responsible for the project (who requested my piece be done by a particular date) just drops things.  I will never start another or project with him again.  

I am also feeling protective of some folks in academia who he may interact with.  I think their issues with him would likely be limited to him dropping the ball on projects and/or proposing a lot of projects that he wants to do for prestige more than he wants to do in order to build a meaningful research portfolio.  Still, I know at least one person who may be more generous if they think he’s just in a hard position, and I am feeling protective about that.    

#long-term house guests #I may add other tags later but don't have the heart to tag more now.

[randomshyperson]

Wanda Maximoff x Reader - Sorry for your loss - Part II "I will try"

Serie Masterlist here || Part I || Read on AO3 

Summary: When your wife Natasha passes away in a car accident, a part of you dies with her. It takes a few months of mourning for your psychiatrist thinks the best alternative is for you to join a grief group. And there you meet Wanda Maximoff, and learn to live again.

Warnings: (+16) mentions of death, panic attacks and anxiety, grief, self sabotage, mentions of abusive family background, mutual attraction pining, explicit consent, therapeutic conversations about death, self-deprecation, healthy methods of coping with grief, possible triggers about anxiety, domestic Wanda, hurtful behaviors.

Tag list: @imapotatao / @aimezvousbrahms/ @ensorcellme/ @helloalycia / @mionemymind / @abimess / @stephanieromanoff / @yourtaletotell / @tomy5girls / @justagaypanicking / @thegayw1tch

//-//

Chapter II - I will try

You hate waking up.

Because your bed is empty on the right side.

Grumbling slightly, you push the covers away from your body and get up, running your hand over your face.

It is therapy day.

After brushing your teeth and putting on a sweatshirt that smells like fabric softener, you walked downstairs.

"Good morning, honey." Your mother greeted you as soon as you entered the kitchen, a cup of coffee in her hands. You mumbled the greeting back, walking over to the cabinets. She let out a disgruntled exclamation when she saw you take out a box of cereal. "As much as I think it's great that you're eating again, why don't you try something healthier today? I'm getting worried about the amount of sugar you're taking in these last few days."

You rolled your eyes, but obeyed as you put the package back in the cupboard. Ever since you regained your appetite, your meals, especially in the morning, consist of sweet things. Bread, cereals, and even chocolate. You were eating again, but the chance of diabetes was very high.

"Do you need a ride?" Your mother asks a moment later, when you are already sitting at the table, pouring yourself some orange juice.

"Agatha thinks I should try the subway."

"And what do you think?"

You laughed humorlessly.

"That's a new one." You retorted without taking your eyes off the newspaper in front of you. "Someone asking what I think."

Your mother sighs.

"Don't be like that." She says and then rises to kiss your forehead, the car keys in her hand. "Call me if you need anything."

You bite your tongue, stopping yourself from whispering the words "I need my wife," because you didn't want to cry over coffee.

After eating, you looked around. You hated empty houses. So you hurried to get your wallet and left after locking the door.

//-//

With headphones, the subway was not so scary.

The music on the latest volume muffled the ambient noises very well. And even with a fast heartbeat, you managed to walk correctly, and keep your breathing under control until you reached the city downtown.

You walked from the station toward the building where the therapy was taking place, humming softly the music you were listening to.

Startled slightly when someone touched your shoulder, you turned, only to see Bucky standing beside you, smiling gently. You took off your headphones, moving away from his touch, he didn't seem to notice.

"I called you a few times, but I don't think you heard me under the headsets." He commented amiably. "I think we came from the same subway."

"Okay." You said simply, not knowing what to add to this conversation. Bucky smiled however, and you started walking side by side.

"You know, if we arrange the time, we could come here together next time" He says and you frown slightly. "I wish I had someone to laugh at my comments about the man in the cowboy hat who hangs out at the Sixth Avenue station." He jokes and you force a smile, trying to think of how to decline the invitation. But then you remember how Agatha insisted that you make new friends, and you are letting the words of agreement escape your mouth. "Really? I'm glad you like the idea then. We can meet in any of the first stations and come the rest of the way together."

"That'll be great." You mutter to the man who smiles contentedly.

When you arrive, Bucky waves to a few people and says he will say hello, so you walk into the gym alone.

You try not to feel so nervous about your first session with a therapy partner.

//-//

Stephen is almost late. He apologizes to everyone even though he didn't, saying that he had a minor conflict in traffic. You were already sitting in the circle, waiting for the meeting to start, when the other people came in and sat down.

Wanda sat in the chair in front of you, and you smiled awkwardly at her, who repeated the gesture before looking away from you to Stephen.

"I hope you all had a good week" Stephen began next. "Today I will be handing out the schedule of duo activities, and I expect all of you to accomplish these goals within six to eight months. Of course, no pressure." He jokes last, making the group laugh. You frown, because you are curious what kind of activities these are. "Jessica, take one and pass it to the side, please.”

Stephen asked handing some papers to one of the girls in the group who was sitting next to him. As each member took one, Stephen again spoke of the importance of communication between pairs, and how he would like to monitor everyone's progress closely. You stopped paying attention when the paper came into your hands, focused on reading the words.

Your hand rises in the air a moment later.

"Y/N, do you have a question?" Stephen asked as he interrupted his own speech when he saw your hand. You had your heart racing when you asked.

"It says drive a car here." You replied looking at him. "I don't... I don't drive."

You know that some members exchanged glances with each other, but you kept staring at Stephen.

"You can leave this activity for last. At the end of the treatment....

"No." You interrupted with a dry laugh, running your hands through your hair. "I'm not driving. I don't..."

"Would you like to share why that is?" Stephen asks tenderly, and you look around. Everyone looks at you curiously, and you feel your face heat up. Then you stare at the paper in front of you. Taking a deep breath, you try not to crumple the paper so hard as you tell it.

"My wife died in a car accident." You narrate, trying not to be bothered by people holding their breath for your confession. It was awkward to talk about it, and it was even more overwhelming to deal with the reactions of others. "I was driving, and... I can't anymore since the accident." You explain. "It's like I'm back in the car again."

You fall silent, unable to hold back your tears. The group says "thank you for sharing" next, startling you slightly. Stephen smiles at you as you look at him.

"Would you like to add anything else?"

"I would like you to tell me that I won't need to do that."

Stephen laughed. And then he denied it with his head.

"It's the opposite of that actually." He says. "I think you do need it. Maybe more than anyone else here."

You sighed, looking down. He spoke again after that, but you paid no further attention.

//-//

You swallowed your nervousness when Stephen called for the pairs to begin the first exercise.

Getting up and walking over to Wanda, you kept your gaze on the floor.

"We're going to try blind trust today." Stephen explained as he opened a small box, and began handing out black blindfolds to the pairs. He handed one to you. "You will blindfold your partner, and lead them around the gym for two minutes. And then switch who is blindfolded and repeat."

You blinked in confusion, taking one last look at the object in your hands.

"Right." You mumble, raising your eyes to the woman in front of you. "May I?"

Wanda hesitates a second, but then she nods. You turn around her, placing the blindfold under her eyes gently, and tying it to the back of her head. Wanda holds her breath momentarily, probably getting used to the lack of visibility.

" Can I hold your hands?" You ask softly as you circle her again, watching her blindfolded face. She looks... cute. The same second the thought hits you, you push it out.

"Yes." Wanda sighs raising her hands at chest height. You smile, interlacing your hands together.

"Well, we were in the circle, right?" You begin. "Come this way so you don't bump into the chairs."

Guiding Wanda through the gym, you stand close and with your hands interlocked so that she doesn't get scared of bumping into something. You catch a quick glance at Bucky, who was guiding his own partner as he passes your side.

Two minutes later, you exchange.

You hold your breath when the blindfold is on your eyes, but Wanda's hand is soft as she guides you around.

When you stumble slightly because you thought she said right instead of left, it's the first time in six months that you really laugh. It's short and quick, but it's a real laugh. Wanda laughs too, squeezing your hand lightly to get you back on the right path.

You feel a little lighter when the activity is over.

"I liked today." You comment with a shy smile after the meeting is over, and you and Wanda walk out of the place together. She smiles in agreement.

"Yeah, me too." She says. "Now we only have another twenty-four activities ahead of us."

You let out a nasal laugh, putting your hands in your pockets.

"About the homework, I can meet you when you have time." You start to say, remembering the information in the booklet, and how you probably had much more free time than a mother, and it would be kinder for you to follow whatever schedule Wanda had. "You can text me anytime you are free."

She looks slightly surprised at your words, and looks down at the floor a moment before speaking again.

"Actually, I'm free now." She says, and it is your turn to be surprised. Seeing your expression, she quickly adds. "But it's okay if you're not, or if you don't want to..."

"No, it's fine." You interrupt with a lopsided smile. "I can. I'd... uh... I would like to too."

Wanda nods frantically, and then you are silent for a moment, before turning shyly toward the street, walking side by side.

"What are we going to do first?" You ask looking forward. Wanda bites her lips, thoughtful.

"Are you hungry?"

Not much, but you don't tell her that. You just shrug, and Wanda smiles, saying that you could try the lesson of sharing a meal together.

This is how you end up in a cafeteria for lunch.

Wanda is sitting on the bench in front of you when she speaks again.

"So...do you want to have a normal conversation or do you want to follow the script of questions?"

You blink in surprise, and give a short laugh.

"Wait, is that for real?" You ask fiddling with your pockets, Wanda looks at you curiously. You take out the pamphlet you got in class, then read the back, and let out a giggle. "I hadn't seen that part. Wow, that would have been so helpful at so many times in my life."

Wanda smiles, watching you read the pamphlet.

"So you're not good at talking to people huh?"

You place the flyer on the table, looking at her.

"Are you?"

"No." She says shrugging. "Socializing has always been much more my brother's thing than mine."

You make a noise with your mouth in agreement, and Wanda's cell phone on the table vibrates. She lowers her gaze to the device, and lets out a light sigh.

"Speaking of him." She mutters as she raises her finger to the screen. She reads the notification, but does not touch the device again.

"I would like to have a brother." You count next, and Wanda looks at you. "I think it would be nice to have someone growing up together with me. Sometimes it's pretty lonely being an only child."

"I'll lend you mine if you want." Wanda teases with a smile, and you laugh lightly, looking away momentarily.

" How many siblings do you have?"

"Two." She counters. "Pietro is my twin. And the youngest is Lorna."

"How are they like?"

Wanda sighs, thoughtfully.

"Pietro is loud and nosy. And Lorna is blunt and judgmental." She says and you nod in understanding, but Wanda adds a second later, smiling, "They're amazing, really. Pietro is...very caring. He looks after the boys for me. And Lorna lives in Sokovia, but she's always calling and asking how we are, as well as visiting whenever she can."

"That seems nice." You reply. The waitress attends you two next, and after ordering, you both wait in silence for a while.

"Why haven't you asked me about my loss yet?" Wanda asks suddenly, and you look away from the wordplay that was drawn on the table to look at her with a frown.

"What do you mean?"

"I shared my loss with the group the week before you joined us." She counters. "You never asked me who I lost."

"Do you want me to ask?"

"I don't know." She replies staring at you as a mixture of confusion and surprise. "It's just... that's usually the first thing people want to know."

You nod looking away.

"Well, I just want you to tell me whatever you want to tell me." You say. "I know very well what that feels like. I don't think I could talk to any of the people I know without them asking me about Nat every time they saw me."

Wanda makes a noise with her mouth of understanding, and you fall silent again. She checks her messages next and makes a slight grimace, you can't hold your curiosity and let the words "everything okay?" escape your lips.

"Yeah, it's just... Monica." She sighs running her hands through her hair. She types something next, and looks up at you. "Monica is my brother's wife, She is... pushy."

"How so?"

"She just...she wants to help. But she wants too much, you know?" Wanda begins. "She has the best of intentions, but she just suffocates me sometimes." She counters by tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, as you look at her intently. "She lost her mother when she was younger. And since... since Vis died she just... she wants me to talk to her about it. But I can't."

You nod in acknowledgement, hesitating between what to say next, because the mention of this Vis guy seems to have left Wanda quite shaken, as she quickly wipes a tear from running down her cheek. She forces a smile, shaking her head.

"Sorry about that. It's not the best thing to cry at our first lunch." She then remarks, and you smile shrugging your shoulders.

"Don't worry, I can cry at the next one and then we'll be even." You retort and Wanda laughs. You like the sound more than you should.

When your food arrives, you and Wanda thank the waitress and talk again the next moment.

"Accordingly to this, what is our first question?" Wanda asks you nodding lightly to the pamphlet you have left on the table. You eat one of your fries as you look at it.

You lower your hand to the paper, and then let out a chuckle as you actually read the questions.

" This is ridiculous." You observe, making Wanda look at you curiously. "All the questions are death related, see: If you died, how would you like people to remember you?" You read. "Or, what song would you like played at your funeral. My god, this is a joke." You grumble as you fold the flyer, and put it back in your pocket while Wanda giggles. You look back at her next. "I am decreeing that we will not talk about death on our outings, Mrs. Maximoff. It's a rule."

Wanda smiles at you, agreeing.

"Wanda." She then adds and you look at her with confusion. "You don't have to call me Mrs. Maximoff. Wanda is fine."

You smile, nodding in agreement.

"So, Wanda, where do you live?" You ask with interest in your voice, biting into your burger next.

"Queens." She replies. "Two blocks past Bucky's apartment, who lives in Brooklyn."

"You are friends then?"

"Yeah, he's the one who introduced me to the group." She explains as you eat together. She chews some of her salad before speaking again. "And you?"

"Staten Island." You retort. "But it's actually my mother's house. My apartment is in the Bronx."

Wanda doesn't pressure you to tell her why you are living with your mother. A part of you thinks she knows why, but you are grateful that she just waits for you to share what you want, just as you do with her.

"What do you work with?" she asks next, and you sigh, biting back a smile.

"Nothing at the moment." You say, and she frowns with confusion. "It's just that I write. I’m actually a writer. With a publisher and everything. But, I'm not writing anything right now."

"I don't think I've ever met a writer before." She comments with a smile. "Do you like it?"

You look away, playing with your fries.

"I used to." You confess, but not wanting to make the conversation sad, you quickly add. "What about you? What do you work with?"

"I own a flower shop." She tells and you let out a low exclamation, finding it amazing. "I haven't been going there much lately, but I like it. It's always been what I've wanted to do since I was little."

"I'd like to visit someday."

Wanda smiles, assenting.

You spend lunch talking about the most diverse subjects. It is the lightest you have felt in a long time. Wanda tells you about her family, you learn that she lives in a big house with her two twin five-year-old sons, Billy and Tommy, and that her father was spending time with her since she lost Vis, who you figure is her husband, because Stephen mentioned that you had things in common, and it's not hard to connect the dots, even if she doesn't talk about it.

She also tells you that Pietro and Monica are helping the flower shop to keep running, and that Wanda's children love to stay at their house because Wanda's niece, Luna, is the same age as the boys.

She tells you some of her tastes, and you do the same. You both smile when you discover that you used to study at the same college, but Wanda graduated a few years before you.

When you leave the restaurant, you are not quite sure how to say goodbye to Wanda, but you don't mind her kissing your cheek and telling you that she enjoyed her lunch. You enjoyed it too, much more than you expected. She nods and turns away, and it takes a moment for you to do the same.

//-//

You decide to fix the broken screen of your cell phone.

It is because you now receive notifications of messages from Wanda, and you want to read them correctly so as not to get confused with the locations of your meetings for group activities.

You also enjoy the company of Bucky Barnes now. The first time you went to therapy together, it's a little awkward because you didn’t quite knew what to say, but he was friendly and kind, and you learned to trust him. Soon it becomes easy to share and laugh at his jokes.

In the second week with grieving pairs, Stephen brings in question and answer games. You and Wanda do very well, because it is surprisingly easy and comfortable to talk to her. You don't have lunch together, but she invites you to have coffee with her the next day, and it is very nice to see her out of therapy for once.

In the third week, you cook together. Stephen contacts a local restaurant owned by a friend, which is closed for the day, and they lend their kitchen. You and Wanda try to bake some cookies, and as you work together, the job is decent. It is probably because Wanda is a much better cook than you, and you are happy to obey whatever she tells you to do. You have lunch together again, and you find yourself suggesting that you do this whenever possible, and Wanda smiles when she agrees.

In the fourth week, there are obstacle competitions in the group. It's noisy, and it requires physical effort, but it's fun. It's the first month, so Stephen wants to see how everyone is progressing. It's only when he talks to you that you realize all the positive changes that have been happening.

You have been eating properly, and going for walks. Your nightmares have stopped since you started texting with Wanda, because she is usually busy all day and can only text at night. There is still work to be done, because you still can't talk about everything. You are still not sharing as you should, and you haven't gone back to work. But Stephen is proud, and he hands you a little progress brooch.

"I think you guys can start with the activities outside the group." Stephen suggests as soon as you accept the brooch.

"What do you mean? We have lunch together every Wednesday." You count, and Stephen laughs through his nose.

"Yes, and this is excellent." He says. "But it's still after therapy. You and Wanda have been getting along well haven't you?"

You think about the lunches. Yes. It's been amazing. You nod in agreement, and Stephen smiles.

"Why don't you invite her over for something on the other days of the week?" He suggests and you frown thoughtfully. "You could try outings that you both enjoy. Or just get to know each other's family."

"Why would we go and meet each other's family?"

"Friends do that." He says and you sigh, feeling your heart racing slightly. "Take Bucky for example. I suggested that he and Sam move in together and..."

"Wow, I'm not moving in with anyone."

Stephen laughs, touching your shoulder gently.

"I didn't tell you to do that." He says. "It was just an example. What I mean, is that socialization outside of the therapeutic environment is essential. I'd like to see you having fun excluding the activities I put on here, too."

You sigh, agreeing. It's not really a bad thing, you like Wanda. It's just weird to let people into your life again.

When you tell Wanda about Stephen's idea, you get too anxious and fumble with the words. She laughs as she raises her hands to your shoulders, asking you to breathe and repeat. She thinks the idea is very good when she understands.

Then the next week, you go to Central Park. You walk together, drink juice, and talk. You thought you would make things awkward, and not have anything interesting to say to keep Wanda's attention, but she is kind and thoughtful, and pays attention to every word you say, and finds your jokes funny. And the next thing you know, you've been talking and walking for six hours, and she has to run because she has to pick up the boys from music class.

It didn't take long for you to establish a rhythm of outings. At least twice a week outside of the therapy day, you did something together. Be it walks, or trips to the park, or sharing a meal.

You didn't want to admit it, but Wanda became your favorite person very quickly.

//-//

It was February when you met Wanda's family.

Wanda invited you to the birthday party of Luna, Pietro's daughter. It was going to be the first party you had attended since Nat's death, and to say you were feeling anxious was an understatement. But as long as Wanda was by your side in the atmosphere, you thought you would be fine.

Your mother gave you a look of mixed surprise and pride when she saw you leaving the house in an outfit other than a sweatshirt, but she didn't say anything, and you hurried to catch the subway.

It took a while to get there, but when you did, there were already a few people around the house.

You took a deep breath, and walked to the front door that was open. It was a very nice house, and you tried to find Wanda as quickly as possible.

"Hey, you came!" It was Bucky, who saw you arriving from the kitchen. He was wearing a very nice set of jeans, and smiled encouragingly at you. The two people he talked to looked at you curiously, but Bucky hurried to introduce you as "a good friend of his and Wanda's" and you felt your cheeks blush. "This is my husband Sam and this is his sister, Sara."

You smiled politely as you greeted people.

"I'm looking for Wanda." You say to Bucky, and he makes a thoughtful expression for a few seconds.

"Try the garden, I think she was helping Pietro with the snacks." He says as he puts his hand on your shoulder, and turns you in the right direction. "Follow straight this way and you'll get there."

You thanked them and waved to the other two before heading outside.

It took two minutes to find Wanda. She found you actually.

"Hi." She greeted you shyly with a smile as she approached. You mimicked the gesture. "So glad you could make it."

Wanda hugged you quickly, and you were a complete mess. Disguisedly, you smiled awkwardly, telling her you were glad to be here and wished you could meet her brother.

"Pietro is upstairs changing Luna's dress. She spilled juice on the other one." She counters and you mumble in understanding. Wanda's gaze races around and then she lets out a low exclamation. "Come, let me introduce you to Monica."

"Hey, Mon, I want you to meet someone." Wanda says as soon as you two reach a woman at one of the outside tables, wearing a very pretty blue dress. She seemed to hand out some napkins on the table.

"This is your mystery friend I imagine." Says the woman cheerfully, extending her hand to greet you.

"Hi, thank you for having me." You say clumsily as you accept the greeting. Monica doesn't mind your clumsiness one bit, and smiles, and thanks you for the small package you hand her. You were always taught that one should bring a gift if you were going to the party after all.

"It's so nice to finally meet you honey." She says smiling. "Wanda won't stop saying how funny and entertaining you are."

You cast a glance at Wanda, who just has red cheeks as she looks away.

"Here comes Pietro." Monica then exclaims, waving to someone behind you. "Come on babe, it's Wanda's friend."

A tall man approaches you, a little girl on his lap wearing a princess dress.

"Hello." Pietro greeted you politely as he stood at his wife's side. "We finally met you. We were beginning to think Wanda made you up."

You let out a half-hearted laugh, and Wanda grumbles that suddenly everyone has decided to tease her with flushed cheeks.

"Daddy, can I go play now?" The little girl asked. She was adorable, and looked a lot like her parents.

"You'll be careful, right?" Pietro asked her. "No other princess dress for you."

The girl nods and Pietro sets her down after kissing her cheek.

"I need to greet the other guests, but make yourselves at home." Monica then said, touching your shoulder lightly before leaving. You thought she was very gentle.

For the next few minutes you were basically interrogated by Pietro, but in the most polite way he could manage. Wanda stayed by your side though, so you didn't bother to tell him what you did for a living, where you resided, or with whom. He was sensitive enough not to ask about who you lost, and you were very grateful for that.

"What's he doing here?" Wanda exclaimed suddenly, interrupting Pietro's talk about his job as a seller. She had her gaze in the opposite direction from where you were standing, and Pietro sighed.

"Wanda, it was a last-minute invitation." He began, and Wanda turned her head to him quickly, a mixed look of anger and hurt. But then she took a deep breath, and forced a smile, making you frown at the whole scene.

"No, Pietro. It's okay." She says. "Don't worry, it's a party, isn't it? We're here to have fun."

A man with a thinning beard reached you all next, and you were slightly surprised when Wanda grabbed your hand, but you didn't say anything.

"Wow, it's amazing to see you guys again." The man said smiling encouragingly. Pietro rushed over to hug him quickly.

"Good to see you too, Tony!" he greeted smiling, but he also looked slightly tense. You didn't know what the story was there, but clearly Wanda was not very comfortable in the stranger's presence.

"Wanda, look at you, my little sister-in-law!" Tony said excitedly extending his arms. But Wanda didn't move, squeezing your hand lightly. The man didn't seem to mind, moving forward and hugging Wanda anyway. He pulled away quickly however, still smiling, "And who are you?” He asked you next.

"I’m..."

"Leaving." Wanda cuts you off, ducking her head as she pulls you away with her. You hear Pietro sigh lightly, imagining that he would apologize for whatever this was.

As you two walk back into the house, you consider asking, but Wanda is looking around, clearly searching for someone. She lets out a low exclamation when she finds Bucky in the living room.

"Hey, Wanda." He says as soon as he sees her. "You've seen him, right?"

"You knew he was coming?" she asked, letting go of your hand, looking annoyed. You were starting to get very uncomfortable.

"Yes." Bucky confesses looking upset, and Wanda lets out an exclamation of indignation and surprise. "I told Pietro that it wasn't a good idea, but he still needs help with the Vis business..."

"No." Wanda interrupts by closing her eyes momentarily. You blink because she seems on the verge of tears at any moment. "I just..." She starts and takes a deep breath. Bucky steps forward with his hands in the air to touch her, but she forces a smile, denying with her head to signal him not to. "We're not going to make a scene, are we? Nobody's going to want that. I just... I just need a moment."

Wanda walks upstairs next, leaving you and Bucky behind. You really didn't understand what happened, and started to consider going after her, and as if reading your thoughts, Bucky patted you on the shoulder.

"Leave her alone for a few minutes, okay?" he asks. "She just needs to get used to the idea of seeing her late husband's brother again."

You swallowed dryly, nodding in understanding. Bucky smiled weakly at you, nodding for you to join him in the small circle of people he was talking to earlier.

//-//

Every minute without Wanda at your side with a bunch of strangers was like torture. Your heart was racing and you thought you were going to hyperventilate at any moment. Bucky was probably the only thing familiar, so you stood static next to him, trying to disguise yourself as much as possible while listening to people talking.

"Thor, I'm waiting for the invitation to your wedding!" Sam joked in the middle of the wheel, drawing laughter from everyone. The tall, blond man next to him looked mildly embarrassed.

"Tell that to Jane, she's the one who's postponing it." He replies in the same tone. You don't want to hear about engagements and weddings. So you mutter to Bucky that you need to use the bathroom and he points you in the direction.

Pietro's house is easy to get lost into. You are looking for a secluded corner to stay in, and as you pass through the empty hallway, you hear a noise that attracts your attention. It sounds like loud breathing.

Confused, you walk toward the sound, carefully opening the door to what appears to be an office. You find the switch, and your eyes widen in surprise when you find a child. It is a small boy, sitting on the floor with his head between his knees. It takes a second for you to realize by the height of his breathing what is happening.

Closing the door behind you to muffle the sound of the party, you rush to kneel beside the child.

"Hey, kid." You whisper tenderly but he just sobs. "What's your name? Hey? Try to say your name for me okay?"

You bring your hands to his and he raises his head, his face stained with tears as he breathes hard.

"T-Tommy" He gasps and you nod, squeezing his hands lightly.

"Okay, Tommy. I want you to breathe along with me now okay?" You ask as you signal with your hand the movement of your breath. "In and out like I'm doing."

"I-I can't." He cries, but you insist, squeezing his hand lightly.

"Tommy, in and out. This way." You repeat firmly, until he imitates. "All right, kid. Keep going. Breathe."

When Tommy manages to start breathing properly again, you smile at him. "You see, you did very well. Want me to give you a hug?"

He nodded, and you stepped forward, hugging him tightly. He didn't let go for long moments, and you began to think he might have fallen asleep, but he moved again, and you let go.

"I'm sorry." He asked weakly, and you held his hand.

"No, honey. It's okay." You say gently, crossing your legs to sit more comfortably in front of him. "Do you want me to stay here with you?"

He nods, looking at you quickly. You wipe away his tears afterwards.

"I don't know you." He says a moment later, and you smile slightly.

"I don't know you either."

"My name is Tommy." He replies with his hands folded in his lap. "This is my aunt and uncle's house, but I've never seen you at a party before."

"Wow, you are Wanda's son." You realize with surprise. Tommy blinks.

"Who is Wanda? I'm Mommy's son."

You laugh, nodding in agreement.

"Well, Tommy, your mother's name is Wanda." You explain, and he lets out a sigh of understanding. "I'm her friend."

"Okay." He says simply. He sighs lightly then. "I'm hungry."

You look at him curiously.

"Do you want a hot dog?" You ask, and he nods frantically, smiling. "Do you want to go outside and get it, or do you want me to bring it for you here?"

Tommy is thoughtful for a few seconds, and looks at the door for a moment.

"I want to go."

"Okay."

You get up first, and then help him to stand, and keep your hand in his to comfort him.

"Hey, is everything all right?" You ask as soon as you open the door. He has his thumb in his mouth, but nods, his eyes attentive to his surroundings.

Fortunately the kitchen is empty, since the house seemed to get warm enough for everyone to go outside. You sit Tommy down at the kitchen counter and prepare a hot dog for him.

"Do you like ketchup?" you ask and he nods smiling. After handing the hot dog to him, you made one for yourself. You smiled as you both took big bites of your food. "Does your mom let you drink soda?" You ask a moment later, and Tommy looks thoughtful. "Don’t lie."

Tommy grimaces mischievously, and nods his head in denial. You laugh and reach for two glasses, pouring some grape juice for you.

"Thanks." He says thank you as soon as you hand him the cup. You think it's adorable how polite he is at this age.

"There you are, Tommy." Pietro spoke as he appeared in the kitchen. He watched the scene with curiosity. "I've been looking all over for you."

"Sorry, Uncle." Murmured the boy lowering his head. "My head was hurting again."

Pietro sighed and you exchanged a look with him. He nodded in understanding before helping Tommy down from the countertop.

"Billy and Luna are eating candy in the backyard, honey." He says as he bends down to the boy's height. "Go ask Aunt Mon to give you some too."

Tommy seems content to leave after that, but he turns and hugs your legs quickly, muttering a "thanks for the hot dog" before running outside. You place his cup of juice in the sink along with yours before turning to Pietro.

"Where did you find him?" he asks leaning on the counter with his arms crossed. You mimic the position on the opposite side.

"In the office down the hall." You count. "What does he have?"

"We don't know yet." Pietro says. "He won't turn six until November, and the diagnosis can't be made before then." The man explains, running his hand through his hair for a moment. "But I've had anxiety since I was a kid, so his doctor thinks it's the most likely possibility."

You grumble in understanding, biting the inside of your cheek.

"He's been pretty nervous lately." Pietro continues next. You don't want to interrupt him. "I guess that makes sense. I got worse when my mother died, too."

You swallow dryly, really not being intimate enough to know what to say next. But Pietro doesn't mind, he smiles, shaking his head and reaching up to pat you on the arm.

"Sorry, I don't mean to make the subject morbid." He comments humorously. "Thank you so much for helping Tommy. Come have a drink outside."

You laugh half-heartedly, denying with your head.

"Thank you, Pietro." You say. "But I think I'd better go."

Pietro blinks in surprise.

"Are you sure?"

You nod, your gaze quickly going to the stairs before returning to him.

"Yes, I'm... I'm tired." You say. "Crowded environments are quite difficult for me."

Pietro nods in acknowledgement, and then smiles, thanking you again for coming and hugging you quickly.

You smile awkwardly before heading for the exit just as he returns to the garden.

Ignoring the urge to climb up the stairs after Wanda, you leave.

//-//

When you get home, there is a message on the refrigerator door from your mother, telling you that she is going out after work and that you shouldn't wait up for her. You grumble slightly, sending her a message to use protection, before leaving your cell phone on the counter.

After taking a shower and putting on the most comfortable and warmest set of sweatshirts you have, you go back to the living room, looking for some entertainment on the television.

It must be about eight o'clock at night when a knock at the door startles you.

You are surprised to have Wanda at your front door and she hesitates as soon as she sees you.

"Hi." You say.

"Can we talk?"

You make room for her to enter, closing the door afterwards.

Wanda stops in the doorway of the room, holding her purse tightly.

"I'm sorry I left you alone at the party." She begins and you look at her attentively, noticing her nervousness. "It wasn't polite of me."

You blink in confusion, but don't interrupt her. She closes her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before looking back at you.

"It was not the right way to behave and I am sorry. I hope we continue to be grieving partners" She says.

"Wanda, why are you here?" You ask with a frown, trying to understand exactly what you are witnessing. Wanda blinks in confusion.

"To apologize."

"Yeah I'm not buying it." You retort. "I don't care about the whole manners thing, I wouldn't treat you differently just because of the party. What's going on?"

"I don't... I don't know what you're talking about." She says shaking her head slightly, her eyes wide. You look at her in disbelief, she seemed on the verge of an outburst. "I just came to apologize for not being a good hostess, and not even a good friend. And..."

"I don't give a damn if you weren't behaving as you should." You interrupt seriously. "You don't have to pretend to be okay with me. I saw the way you were forcing yourself to smile during the party. What was all that about? Why are you pretending?"

Wanda let out a humorless laugh, holding up her hands, her eyes filled with tears.

"I don't know what..."

"If you're going to lie you can leave." You interrupt seriously pointing to the door. Wanda swallows dryly, looking at you in surprise. "I'm not like those people, Wanda. I don't want to see your version of the perfect housewife, who pretends everything is fine while it's falling apart so others will feel better. Either you tell me the truth, or we' re not going anywhere."

Wanda stares at you for several seconds, then looks away, tears streaming down her face. You sigh, uncrossing your arms to walk toward the door. As you begin to open it, however, Wanda rushes in and pushes the wood with one hand, the noise and movement startling you momentarily.

"Please." She begs throwing herself against you, her arms clutching around you as she buries her head in your chest, her tears wetting your shirt. "I can't lose you too."

You sigh, hugging her back in the same intensity to calm her.

"Breathe, Wanda." You say. "I'm right here."

When she stops crying, she breaks the embrace, and you give her a smile even though she is looking at the floor. You bring your hands to her face to wipe away her tears, moving closer to give her a kiss on her forehead before pulling away.

"Let's have some tea."

As you prepare the drink, Wanda sits down on one of the stools in the kitchen. You join her after lighting the fire.

"Do you want to talk now?" You ask next, swinging your seat slightly. Wanda gives you a weak smile, nodding her head. She sighs before she begins.

"My husband died last year." She counters with a lost look on her face. "That man at the party...his name is Tony. He is my brother-in-law. He... My husband died in an accident. He..." Wanda paused, probably overwhelmed by the memories, you reached out for her hand on the counter, and she sniffled before continuing. "Tony is an alcoholic. He...he needed someone to pick him up. So he called. And Vis... They... They argued outside the bar, and someone thought Vis was a cop. And then someone had a knife and..." Wanda stopped in a sob, releasing her hand to cup her face. You stood up, hugging her by the shoulders, and she buried her face in your neck, crying heavily.

"I'm sorry." You sighed, squeezing her. Wanda cried, hugging your waist. You only let go when the kettle beeped.

She wiped away the remaining tears as you went to turn off the fire.

"Do you want to go on?" You ask as you join her again, holding her hands. Wanda gives you a tired smile, denying it. "Let's drink our tea, then."

//-//

"Can I sleep here?" The question doesn't surprise you. After you had finished drinking tea, and you tried to distract Wanda with some small talk, you stood up to take the mugs to the sink, and her voice invaded your ears with the question.

You bit the inside of your cheek, but when you turned around, you didn't hesitate to agree.

And that's how you ended up in your closet doorway, looking for extra pillows.

Wanda walked around, observing your room with curiosity. You mentally thanked your mom that it had only been two days since her monthly cleaning, and your room was not messy.

"Who is this?" Wanda asks as she holds one of your frames in her hand. You have an extra comforter in your hand as you walk over to her to look at the picture.

"This is Bruce." You say looking at the photograph for a moment. Ignoring the wave of guilt that fills your stomach, you walk over to your bed. "We've studied together most of our lives. And the girl next to him is Carol, she was my maid of honor."

"Are they the friends you don’t talk to anymore?" Wanda asks as she returns the picture to the headboard. You mumble in agreement.

"Done, Wands." You say as you place the comforter on the bed. "You can have my pillow, I'll use the cushions on the sofa anyway."

Wanda frowns in confusion.

"Aren't you going to sleep with me?" She asks and you laugh in surprise, feeling your heart race.

"W-what?"

"I thought..." She starts and seeing your reddened face she looks away, clearing her throat. "I'm not going to make you sleep on the couch."

"It's okay, really." You assure her with a smile. "I'll be downstairs and if you need anything you can wake me up."

"Y/N..."

"Good night." You interrupt with a smile, moving closer to place a quick kiss on her cheek before turning and leaving the room, your heart racing.

You haven't slept in the same bed with another woman in many months. That is absolutely not going to happen tonight.

When Wanda finally lies back against the sheets, she grumbles softly. Your scent is everywhere, and she knows very well what it means when her body shivers and she feels a small warmth at the pit of her stomach. Pushing these thoughts away, she closes her eyes, hoping that the tiredness of the day will be enough to make her sleep.

#sorry for your loss #wanda x reader #wanda x you #wanda maximoff x reader #wandaxyou #wandaxreader #wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff reader #wanda maximoff you #marvel imagines

[scuttle-buttle]

Chapter 11

WC: 2077

Rated: E

Chapter Tags: full on angst, discussions of emotional trauma, mild depictions of blood/gore, mentions of self h*rm & su*cide, mentions of child abuse, discussions of physical disabilities, institutionalization, some dialogue & plot canon to TV show, hurt/comfort

🧠

The rest of the conference went by much like the first day did. Both you and Laszlo bought a few books for your collections. An ease had settled over your conversations with the help of Sara and John's presence; you spoke more freely with each other. You tell yourself it is not because he's going soft on you or vice versa, but rather that you have found yourself in this imaginary bubble where you happen to get on well. It's inevitable that it will pop once you’re back at school and Laszlo will revert back to his usual callous state.

Laszlo. It still felt odd to think of him like that, rather than by his title. You couldn't lie, it gave you a sort of thrill. Even in your dreams you had only called him by his honorific. Thankfully you didn't have another dream after Friday. You couldn't escape the feeling that you'd said something incriminating in front of the man in question. So you chose to pretend it didn't happen.

Monday morning came and you headed to the train station. Once again he had secured a private cabin for the journey. This time you came prepared with a book since you had yet to replace your broken phone.

"Thank you again for inviting me to this, I really enjoyed myself. It was really nice of the department to foot my travel expenses, the hotel was really fancy. I may have helped myself to a mini-bottle or two," you joked.

"There is no need to worry about the department's finances; they were not involved."

You pause. He paid for you? Laszlo did say he would take care of the arrangements; but the four-star hotel, the private compartment train tickets, the admission to the conference, and every meal? Shit, that must have been a fortune, hundreds of dollars at least.

You don't know what to say, so you settle for an awkward "oh." A moment passes before you add "I appreciate that, um, I can pay you back. Might take some time but I can."

The professor is flippant in his reply. "There is no need, it was well spent for the research and knowledge acquired." He opens his book signaling the conversation is over.

You lick your lips. Fine then, I'll just consider it payment for emotional suffering and damages of the last eight weeks.

The first few hours of the journey were spent reading one of the new books you picked up at the convention. Occasionally you would peek over the pages at the professor. He was engrossed in his own selection; sometimes he would pause to write down a thought.

Around the seventh hour of your journey you had given up on reading anymore in favor of looking at the fields outside. The silence was comforting.

Laszlo had trouble concentrating on the book in his hand. He saw you as a conundrum. One minute you could be sociable and teasing with your comments, then next you were biting at his throat with your quick wit and fierce ideals. He decides that he wants to know what made you into who you are today. Now is as good a time as any.

His eyes on you cause a tingle up your spine but you ignore it. Laszlo breaks the silence; "may I ask a personal question?"

"You just did," you answer, still peering out of the large window. He huffed once, amused. At his following silence you face him. You raise your eyebrows to signal him to go on with his question. Curiosity grows at the thought of what he intends to ask.

"Twice now you have made implications of a traumatic past," he begins.

Bubble popped.

Interrupting, you snark "is this the part where you psychoanalyze me, doc? Because trust me, I've been through enough of that." You pick at the lint on your jeans.

Laszlo tries to choose his words more carefully the next time he speaks. "What I mean to say is, the first afternoon in the classroom where you defended that student you implied you had been witness to a trauma. You then displayed signs of anger and embarrassment before leaving prematurely. Yesterday you mentioned having entered a psychiatric facility. As an alienist I can't help but find myself curious about your experiences."

You slide your eyes to meet his from across the cabin. Your face is devoid of any emotion. "We all have our demons. Even you can't argue with that."

Your jaw clenches. Everyone had warned you. They all said he would try to worm his way into your head to figure you out. All the reviews, the gossip, everything. It was a big fat 'I told you so'. You give a pitiful laugh at the situation. "You know, everyone told me that you would pull this stunt."

He seems confused by your statement. "And what is that?"

"That you'd get inside my head and try to figure me all out or whatever. You already know I googled you beforehand, what everyone says about your methods. By now I assume you've done a little research yourself. I promise you there is nothing exciting here," you scoff and point to yourself.

"You would be correct in your assumption." You chew at your cheek as he starts. "I do know some of what happened in your past. Yet I also know that society likes to dilute the truth into something either more palatable, more entertaining, for people to consume greedily. What I want to know is what you have faced. How you have not allowed the experience to overcome you so much so that your humanity is erased like the characters I lecture on."

Eyes closing of their own volition you are thrown back in time to that night so many years ago. You didn't talk about it anymore. Bitsy knew of course, but that was the extent.

Laszlo waits. He knows this is likely to push you over the edge if your history with him means anything. Quite frankly, anyone would be tossed to their limit at his interrogation had they gone through what you had. John always told him that he needed to work on his bedside manner; that he had a habit of coming on too strong in his pursuit of learning the intricacies of the human mind. But your earlier comment about being sent to a so-called 'nuthouse' rubbed him the wrong way. It left a bad taste in his mouth. He needed to know. He needed to understand.

Laszlo can imagine the reprimand that he would receive from John and Sara for this. Just as he considers apologizing for his intrusion you open your eyes.

"She was fine. None of us suspected anything was wrong. I came home from having dinner with some… boy, and she had locked herself in the bathroom. She- she must have started over the sink and moved to sit on the side of the tub. She was hunched inside it when I got the door open. I pulled her out. Blood was… everywhere." Your voice is clinical as you explain.

"After, I shut down. So I checked myself into a psych ward a few days later when I couldn't get the feel of her blood off my hands. It's slippery, you know. And it smells. You wouldn't think so but it does." You clear your throat. "I did the therapy, took the meds they prescribed, all the standard treatments. Later I started watching true crime documentaries. I'd heard about exposure therapy so I figured the more I saw the gore, the less the image of my dead roommate would bother me. And it did help. The nightmares stopped after a while, I came back to school. I was better, just not the same.” You had watched the passing landscape as you explained. Turning to face him you speak again. “That's why those pictures didn't bother me. They weren't anything I hadn't seen before."

He contemplates you. The discovery and subsequent loss of your friend in this manner would no doubt cause lingering effects to your psyche. A stain that would forever remind you. "I offer my sincerest condolences. I do not presume to know what that would be like to experience, but I am glad you sought help afterwards. To make the choice to alleviate yourself of your own suffering where possible.”

As he says this he realizes that your anger towards the idea of being enslaved to unconscious impulse makes perfect sense. It explains why you focused so much energy on defending your belief in free will. That you have the power to choose how you carry your joy, your anger, your healing. It reminds him of how he held onto his own guilt and hurt, ignoring how it festered within him for so long. He feels as though he needs to share a piece of himself with you.

“I played piano as a child, quite well too. My mother hoped I would someday make a career of it. I vividly remember playing Mozart’s Concerto for Piano No. 20 in D Minor at a holiday party when I was seven years old. It was my favorite to play.... It requires two hands." You finally look at him. "My father...” He pauses to gather himself.

Now it is the doctor that cannot meet your eyes. As you listen you feel your confusion grow. How could he have been a talented pianist if he only had full use of his left hand? Unless..., the realization dawns on you just as he continues, his words slow.

“My father had two sides. One loving and the other brutal, the two often coexisting. It was something as trivial as putting me to bed, I recall... A game of tug of war. We were laughing…” He inhales a sharp breath. Already you can feel the tears begin to blur your vision. “I don't remember if he was drunk or if I said something that offended him. He must have pulled my arm behind my back.” Laszlo exhales shakily. “In small children, fractures can often affect…” he trails off, unable to finish. You can hear how he barely holds himself together.

Your heart aches for the broken man that sits in front of you. He never let on how much his arm bothered him, at least not within your presence. Suddenly you don’t see him as this rude, insufferable, obsessive man, but instead as someone that spends his life trying to protect himself. He projects his own anger and hurt so that he may, just for a minute, forget about his own demons. He wants to help others even when he feels he cannot bear to help himself.

But unlike you, he has to live with the physical reminder of his past every day of his life.

You stand and move to sit on his right side. Before allowing yourself to think too much of your actions, you place your hand atop his own, curling your fingers around his palm and squeezing delicately. You don’t bother wiping away the tears on your cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Laszlo;” the whisper is barely heard above the sound of the train. A second passes where you fear you have overstepped and offended him by touching the affected limb. When his thumb tightens against the backs of your fingers you know he is not. He holds you in place.

“You asked me how I kept my humanity. How does anyone really? We learn to take what we get and we carry it in a bag. Sometimes you have to drag the damn thing behind you. But eventually the weight gets less and less if you allow yourself to move forward, even if it’s still there with you all the time. I dealt with what happened years ago and it does still haunt me. It’s easier now than it was, but… I- I suppose I’ve learned from you too. Sitting in those lectures and hearing you talk. We can either let it haunt us for the rest of our lives… or we can accept it… and use the memory of our pain to help ourselves and others.”

“I’m not sure the choice is entirely in our hands.” His tone is mournful.

You turn to smile at him through your tears. His own eyes are bloodshot. “I disagree. If it weren’t, if we didn’t have the freedom to choose that, we’d all be murderers.”

Tag list

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#the interpretation of dreams #laszlo kreizler x reader #laszlo x reader #laszlo kreizler #the alienist #the alienist angel of darkness #daniel brühl #daniel bruhl #laszlo kreizler fanfic #laszlo kreizler daniel bruhl #scuttle-buttle #tw self harm #tw suicude #tw child abuse