Fine By Me
written for @flashfictionfridayofficial
Character from Cardinal Sins.
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Warning: This writing contains the themes of manipulation, lack of boundaries, domestic abuse and violence. If you feel this work may affect you or your mental health, please do not read.
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Roman has always been a bit of a pushover.
Ever since he was young - some sort of broken survival instinct, he'd assumed - "fine by me," he'd say.
It was very rarely fine by him.
At first it was family things; "yeah, that's fine," he'd say, being dragged along to something where he'd feel visciously uncomfortable. He'd find himself picking at a sense of insecurity that would tend to unravel all around him halfway through some dinner or party, where everyone seemed fine, but him.
He hated social gatherings as a kid. He hated family in general. They were too nosy, wanting to know what he wanted to be when he grows up, then what he was studying, until inevitably "how come you haven't had a girlfriend yet?"
'Well, aunt Jemima, not that it's any of your business, but I'm currently discovering I am a flaming homosexual.'
As if he'd ever needed more reasons to feel like an outcast in his family.
All the questions were full of the real thinly-veiled curiousity. That is, the curiosity that was him. The boy that was left on a doorstep as an infant, sick and blue with the cold. The boy that dropped out of the sky.
That was all he ever was to them. Nothing he did after that - of which he'd had no control over - had ever mattered to any of them. They just wanted to see the family member that appeared out of nowhere, abandoned in the cold.
"Fine by me," he uttered, through a toothy smile that his father, wearily, knew was entirely fake. For the sake of him, really, he endured the bullshit their family put him through.
Thankfully, towards being seventeen, his father stopped asking. Roman never asked why, he assumed because most of the other teenagers stopped going too.
But as an adult, it stayed. "Fine by me," he said, to everything his friends asked of him. Help them move. Support them through a break up. Be their emotional support 24/7. Get abandoned in a club by them at 3am. He never learned how to say no. Some part of him was as scared of saying it as he was of hearing it.
When he was twenty years old and in the first forays of a real, passionate, furious romance, he still hadn't learned the word no.
It's always a dangerous game to play, stepping into a relationship with no boundaries.
He said it was fine, when he knew his boyfriend was lying. It was fine when he told him he did things that he knew he didn't. It was okay when he started to question every action that he did, when he felt he was walking on eggshells.
The bruises were fine. The scars were nothing to worry about.
Because that was Roman, it was just always fine by him.
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CS taglist:
@gabe-killed-me-with-ace-cream
@careful-pyromancer
@hghrules
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when it comes to you, tsukishima finds himself being protective of you without even trying.
he hears your worries about the same friend for maybe the hundredth time, about how they got mad at you for something incredibly harmless and for you being you. he rolls his eyes at your friend's overbearing insecurity and their lack of taste in people as he seemingly reads his book. he had suggested you find a better friend, but you insist they make you happy. he scoffs at that. he himself already makes you happy, why would you need someone else who can't even give you half the joy he does? he doesn't say that though, instead he insists in turn that he comes along with you the next time you two meet. he can already imagine yamaguchi surprised at him for volunteering to go to a social gathering.
"you won't scare them off?" you make him promise and as much as he wants to make them feel sorry for ever hurting you, he sighs and promises. on that day, he stands right behind you, keeping an eye out for every single interaction you have with your friend. you introduce kei, and his looming expression doesn't change. he sees their uncomfortable smile and avoiding of his gaze, and couldn't help but smirk. you nudge him with your elbow, and tsukishima ruffles your hair. "don't worry, pipsqueak." he says, keeping his voice low.
tsukishima isn't a fan of any sort of pda, but throughout the entire time, he makes sure to have some sort of physical contact with you. it could be an arm around your shoulders, or just rubbing soothing circles on the back of your hand. the last thing he wants is you feeling anxious about your friend, despite you assuring him you were perfectly ok. you know his well intentions, and at the end of the day when your friend has left, you treat him to strawberry shortcake.
"what's this?" he asks as he digs his fork into the cake. you intertwined your fingers with his free hand.
"just for you being, well, you." you grin and he melts like he always do when you smile at him. he gives you the first bite.
"you're gonna be the death of me, love."
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