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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 23 days

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Hello~ I don't know if someone has already ask this but I'll just ask anyway. What made you so interested in Jade? I'm not saying it's a bad thing or anything of the sort. I'm just very intrigued.

Also to feed into your J-word brain rot I present to you this, but picture Jade. Lol I saved this photo as hot damn Sebastain.

Hello, hello!! ^^ I’ve made a post before that explains my interest in Jade, but if I’m being entirely honest 💦 it’s all over the place and difficult to read because of how often I go all caps and keyboard smashing. I’ll try to summarize my thoughts here in a way that’s more digestible and calm.

I love many of the little details about his face: the shape of his eyes, the curve of his mouth, how his brows are arched, etc. I also have a visceral, near animalistic urge to tug on that black bit of hair he has sprouting out...

His manner of dress also resonates with me! Jade is usually well covered and in formal attire, and I think that makes it more exciting on the instances when he dresses down (whether that be going without his gloves or choosing something more casual to wear).

His intelligence. I've always preferred characters who rely on their smarts over their strength to achieve their goals, and Jade fits the bill. One particular example is how his UM is limited in scope and usage, so he has to carefully plan and strategize about how and when he casts it. It's nice that Jade can also loosen up and use his cunning not necessarily for nefarious deeds, but just to tease others.

He plays support and he plays it well. I also have a tendency to like "helper" characters (butlers, bodyguards, knights, etc.), which is another archetype that Jade slots into. He is highly competent as a vice dorm leader, personal assistant, and right-hand man (eel?) to Azul. Plus, Jade knows when and how to play to his strengths (especially when it comes to deception and disarming others) and adapt to any situation he is placed in. Jade has even earned the approval of the notoriously hard to please Vil!

He keeps you guessing, and you'll still never even see it coming. I think it's interesting that he appears more docile than Floyd, yet Azul warns his peers that Jade is the more dangerous twin since Jade won't telegraph his schemes or bad moods (unlike Floyd). I 100% agree with Azul; not knowing what Jade has in store or when it will hit you is much scarier--but also much more thrilling in a way, haha...

Similar to the last point but much more specific; I love Love LOVE those moments when he's smiling while saying the most horrendous things (the infamous "what I'd do to anyone that betrays me" line lives rent free in my head). I also adore it when Jade is lying to your face and overacting (like when he pretends he got dust in his eye in book 4). He's so dramatic while lying his heart out, it makes me giggle.

Jade works with many of the tropes I like to go for when I want comfort. Househusband/domestic life stuff, butler looking after you, etc. I have a habit of overworking and forgetting to take care of my needs, so it's easier for me to remember if I pretend like Jade's the one doing the self-care for me.

I appreciate that he appreciates nature. I don't get to touch much grass (not that I don't go outside, it's that there isn't much grass in the area I live in)... so I get very excited whenever I get to just enjoy nature in its purest form, taking in that fresh air. It makes me feel like we're kindred spirits.

The duality of eel. Overall, I'd say that the reason I like Jade so much is because he can be many things which typically run contradictory to one another. I think that makes for a fun character that keeps me on my toes ^^

NOT YOU USING “J WORD” TOO… 💀 It’s spreading… just like a bunch of spores…

Aaaah, it’s Sebastian!! It’s been years and years since I read Black Butler (I think I stopped around the Blue Cult arc?). He’s still just as effortlessly elegant as I remember him being… I guess that’s par for the course for one hell of a butler, huh?

Here, lemme just… *crudely draws on him* THERE WE GO, THE J WORD SSR FOR AN EVENT WHERE WE VISIT THE LAND OF CRIMSON LONG :>

Thank you for your question and the rot fuel 🥰

#twst #twisted wonderland #Jade Leech #disney twisted wonderland #disney twst #notes from the writing raven #question #Vil Schoenheit #Floyd Leech #Azul Ashengrotto #Tweels #Octavinelle #Black Butler #Sebastian Michaelis #Jade Leech thirst

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calmlyy-chaotiic · 1 month

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Hello ockins/fictionkins

i need advice

(tw for mentions of fictional abuse, violence, and related trauma)

I'm trying to figure out if I'm an ockin or not, and I could use some input. This is gonna be a long post so check under the cut for the info.

So, the oc in question is Leona. She was originally created back when I was a teenager (a few years ago). She was made as an avatar/player character for the game Pokémon: Legends Arceus. At the start, she was basically just me, but cooler. Typical sona type thing. Fast forward a few months, and I start changing her story, eventually creating this whole dark au of the game and giving her a bunch of trauma and all that jazz.

I got... VERY attached to her, very quickly. Thinking about her all the time, coming up with new details, rambling about her. More characters joined her story, and she formed bonds with them.

I'm starting to realize that she might be a kintype of mine.

Since I've been writing her, I've gotten moments where it feels like I AM her. I know what she feels, how she views the other ocs in her story, how she reacts to her trauma, and I sort of... share those feelings. I'm terrible at explaining things, but it's more than just "getting to know the character" like I've seen other writers talk about.

As she's gotten attached to her friends and her family, so have I. It's like I see them as MY family, and not just because they're my ocs.

For example: there's a character named Ricochet that was originally going to be her best friend. Purely platonic. I was in one of my "Leona moods" where I was thinking like her, feeling like her, etc. That's when I started wondering if there were any romantic feelings towards Ricochet, and BAM. I could SEE her face, picture her voice and her laugh, and it felt like I was genuinely in love. However, I only feel like this when I "am" Leona.

It probably sounds stupid/weird, but I don't know how else to explain it.

Another thing that I think about a lot is this one time my mom was jokingly asking me questions and talking to me like I WAS Leona, and calling me Leona, and I got this HUGE dose of euphoria. I don't really get species euphoria, and normally I'd dislike being referred to by a feminine name, but it felt RIGHT

Now, onto the problems with her being a kintype.

Leona is a violent person who does bad violent things.

She has violent urges.

When I "am" her, I sort of get them too. It's a lot like what I imagine some predator therians deal with, like wanting to bite people or hunt things? (I'm a canine therian, but I've never gotten urges like these for any kintypes before Leona)

Also, Leona has a lot of trauma and mental problems (namely familial abuse and ptsd) that I don't have, and I feel like by "being" her I'm disrespecting people who actually struggle with those things

Another thing I feel like is weird is that she is a cis woman, and a lesbian, and I am neither of those things?? I'm a genderqueer guy, I prefer masc terms, and I'm omni, so??

Finally, outside of when I'm getting "shifts" for her (if that's even what these are), I don't act like her at all. We still have some similarities left over from her being a past sona of mine, but otherwise there's nothing.

So, ockins!! Fictionkins!! What're your opinion? Is it plausible that I'm an ockin? Do I just have something deeply wrong with me??

#ockin #fiction kin #asking for advice #finding kintypes

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flymmsy · 3 months

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Hi! It's been a few days since I've found your blog but I wanted to thank you for your headcannons, writing and your mods (your blog in general has been a treasure trove for Durge, Orin and Gortash content)

Based on some of your Orin and Durge fraternal twins post, do you have any headcannons or thoughts on Durge not as a direct creation of Bhaals made from his own flesh but rather a Bhaalspawn more akin to Orin with their own family?

Awww thanks, Anon! I just like having somewhere to put all my thoughts and I’m glad that others can get enjoyment out of it too. ❤️

I like your question! I don’t have any pre-existing thoughts on a non-Bhaal-flesh Durge because I typically try to operate within the parameters of the game (I like restrictions and find that they can really prompt creativity) but if we suspend those parameters for a moment, here are some thoughts.

I think what is most important narratively is that if you make Durge not of Bhaal’s own flesh, you need to replace that with something. Either some outside force that otherwise marks them as “special” or some extraordinary quality they possess - something that makes sense for them to have been given The Urge.

Some possibilities:

Their parents were the most dedicated Bhaalists ever (could be cool if the two dead bodies you find in the temple from the wedding were Durge’s parents.)

Their parents were notably extreme anti-Bhaalists (similar to Shadowheart’s origin.) This is fun because you could really play with deities here and makes for a nice set up of a Durge growing up under a different religion. Some people do this with Durge anyway because of the adopted family and I love to see that. I also love the idea of having to hide this terrible thing within them from their family.

They were caught in a bhaalist ritual as a baby. Meant as a sacrifice, but then “possessed” by Bhaal himself and marked as His Chosen ever since.

They were extremely, extremely devout. A “regular” Bhaalspawn who just reached heights of worship that were unseen (which is a HIGH bar to surpass - and I don’t have the answer to what that would have to be, but I know someone could come up with it.)

And for my last idea - they murdered the original Durge before The Urge manifested. The Urge then transferred to them when it was meant to manifest in OG Durge.

What I like about all these possibilities is, like the original concept, they all allow for Durge to either accept The Urge or to undergo redemption and/or rejection of The Urge.

One thing that I really like to see for Durges who undergo redemption - and I think would carry over into these concepts - give them somewhere in their life they learned kindness. Even if it was small in comparison to whatever darkness they went through.

I hope that’s sort of what you had in mind, Anon! Thanks again for listening in ❤️

#Flymmsy asks #bg3 #durge #the dark urge #flymmsy bg3 thoughts

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doxieandthedead · 3 months

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5 Songs and 3 Outfits

RULES: post 5 songs associated with your OC, followed by 3 outfits they would wear

Tagged by @crystal-overdrive, not tagging any folks specifically but please do it if you read this!

Also this was HARD. It was hard to really pin down which specific songs/outfits to show off, as I've got Pinterest boards and playlists coming out of my ears for her.

Tamasvi, daughter of Bhaal, chose redemption.

Songs

A song from my own childhood, this one in particular feels fairly emblematic of Tamasvi's experience of being Daddy's little favourite, especially at the height of his influence on her. She is a prolific serial killer: there's a reason I named the fic I'm writing 10,000 Deaths for Bhaal after all.

Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the, floor!

Another one before Orin's betrayal, this one more accurately feeds into her feelings about her existence and how she felt about being Bhaalspawn.

I'm so sick infected with where I live Let me live without this empty bliss Selfishness I'm so... I'm so sick

A classic! This tends to represent Tamasvi's feelings in Act 1 and Act 2; her confusion and feelings about the Urge, the terror of it taking over and fighting for control.

I liked Halocene's cover of it for Tamasvi, it feels softer than the original in a way that suits her better.

I don't know what's worth fighting for Or why I have to scream I don't know why I instigate And say what I don't mean I don't know how I got this way I'll never be alright

Getting into Act 3 and Post-redemption. She might have defied Bhaal, but she is very afraid of falling back into her old lifestyle and her new found freedom being lost.

And I fear my destiny Will this curse follow me? I study to be the opposite breed And fear when I see similarity

One of my favourite songs and very much inspired Tamasvi and her story. I love the outright claims to divinity, the rejection of what others think of the struggles she has around her new life and attempts at a better morality.

I am not a woman, I'm a God I am not a martyr, I'm a problem I am not a legend, I'm a fraud Keep your heart, 'cause I already got one

Outfits

Cult Leader

As the Chosen of Bhaal, Created from his Flesh and leader of his cult, The Child of Bhaal generally remained masked and her face hidden. This included ceremonies, red room appearances and even when she first met the Chosen of Bane.

It mostly served as a way for The Child of Bhaal to lose her sense of self and only function as the conduit for her father.

When she took on the mantle of Death Stalker and Madam Priestess. Only Helene, then Orin and Scelartis Fel saw her face. Until a certain handsome younger man entered her life anyhow.

Adventuring Times

When Tadpoled, Tamasvi mostly wore black padded armour that made it easy to keep the stains out. This is 100% stolen from a corpse she found and she absolutely ignored Shadowheart's disgust when she tried it on. As a warlock/rogue, she prefers light armour and soft soled shoes to do her work. The collar hides the bite marks too!

Even post-tadpole, Tama prefers to wear black, light clothes that allow her to move quietly and blend into the dark. She has been persuaded not to just loot clothes off corpses now though.

The Daisy Dress

One Figaro special, inspired by the "Elegant Robes" (Daisy dress) in the game! When she wears it is spoilers, but I wanted specifically to not put her in black or red, so white and gold felt like a good opposite!

#tag game #bg3 OC #Tamasvi #my tav #my Dark Urge #bg3 tav #bg3 dark urge #Spotify

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personthattoleratesme · 7 months

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soo, this is not the first time I'm getting into a fandom that's over a decade old (i seem to have a knack for it) and it's always so exciting, it almost makes me feel like an archaeologist or detective piecing together the history of an ancient civilization

well, okay, back on track:

after those initial videos i mostly watched their post 2019 joined content which turned out to be a great thing because a) there isn't that much of it, so it felt very approachable b) it helped immensely in getting to know their current selves (this probably sounds weird, what i mean is that they have changed over the course of the years (even beyond the obvious 'they are out and more true to themselves than ever before') and it was good to get to know the status quo before diving into the past) c) it's simply great entertainment

i then went on a Dan's Long Videos™️ spree, watched daily dystopia and phil's newer videos and finally gave into the urge to take a look at the tumblr fandom, which I'd been avoiding on purpose up until then because honestly, i was scared of what it would be like. i was quite pleasantly surprised at how chill is here (I won't lie though, there were a few things that almost activated my fight-or-flight reflex because they sounded a bit too similar to that fandom, but overall i have come to the conclusion that i do like it here).

anyways, at that point i would've felt pretty lost facing such a giant mountain of lore and videos if it wasn't for dan and phil and phannies being so goddamn nostalgic. just by hanging around here and watching their videos you get a pretty good idea of what is important, be it a rough timeline of what happened when and where or what the most iconic and best videos are.

i had so much fun going through the pinofs, the crafting channel, their more or less desastrous attempts at baking, the og google feud, random gaming channel vids from golf to the impossible quiz and i could go on, it is honestly addicting. it's also quite dangerous because there is always more to watch and i know that i have barely scratched the surface.

also, it's really interesting to go back to the first videos I've watched and to see how much my perspective and understanding of them has changed in that short amount of time

by now I've dialled down the binging a little bit and am just jumping from one recommendation to the next, but i do (possibly ignorantly) feel like i have the most important things covered and am now simply enjoying the ride.

if you have any personal favs you feel like i might not have seen yet, please do feel free to share them! :)

- a now very tired new phannie

anon you seem to have taken a pretty good approach. starting with the post-2019 joint content is definitely a lot easier than watching the mountain of joint content from before that. eventually you'll probably catch up on everything but in the meantime as long as you've got most of the important videos i think you'll be fine in the fandom.

i do think there's still some demon phannie tendencies here on tumblr (i include myself in that) but i think generally we do try to keep it respectful, and also we try to kind of keep it away from them and just have our demon discussions in our safe little pocket of the internet.

yeah you've truly come here at a great time in terms of nostalgia. i mean the roblox video alone is just pure nostalgia content and probably helped you get to know the lore of the iconic london apartment. and generally we're all just really sappy about them and their relationship so old vidoes and gifs are always circling around.

you just made me do a deep dive into all of their channels to remember what videos they even have and i think i have a good selection of recommendations in case you haven't watched them:

the photo booth challenge (dan's channel), and the wardrobe (phil's channel), both iconic fan favorites

all of the day in the life videos (manchester, london, festive, japan, australia), they're not big on vlogging so it's nice to get the occasional little slices of their domestic life

dan's internet support group series, not too big of a series but very dan

dan's diss track, also very iconic

giving the people what they want

all of the sims videos (it's a lot, i know, but it's great to watch if you're ever bored)

overcooked, they played it a couple times on live streams and there's just something about them without any editing that's very fun to watch

keep talking and nobody explodes

the top dan memes videos, great to catch up on some lore

there's a lot more probably but these are the ones i can think of right now.

there's also a lot of lore hidden in all the live things they did, which there is a lot of cause they each used to to weekly live streams, they had a weekly radio show, and then the lockdown stereo shows. i would recommend just looking up some compilations of those, they usually contain a lot of the important lore moments. the stereo shows are quite fun to listen to as podcasts, so i would recommend doing that. also because it's a lot more recent than their old live streams it's a lot more relevant.

anyway, another very long answer. if you have more things to say feel free to do so :)

#anon ask #answered

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kuromichad · 2 years

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hi. good evening. it's my best bro mike's birthday, or was on the 30th (it's well past midnight here now), and yes i'm drunk as has been the case most times i've posted here for all of 2022. i had a good time tonight, mike taught a group of us about league of legends lore since he's been invested in it for a long time and never told us anything about it until more recently. i value that.

this year has been weird and bad. our friend lex died of suicide at the end of june and everything has been extra off kilter ever since then. in my time away from tumblr for the past year-plus, i've spent most of my online life in a discord server of just eight people who've all known each other since 2019 at the latest, if not 2016 as the average or 2013 at the oldest, and losing one of those eight is uh, pretty world-wrecking. it's part of why i'm very drunk right now. i have an addictive personality and genetics, but also, i think alcohol abuse is a normal and sympathetic part of grief. it's come up a lot since the end of june.

i haven't missed tumblr for anything other than visuals in the past year. i do miss being casually exposed to new art, whether in the form of aesthetic posts about 90s performance art or recent low-budget movies or insta posts by strangers with similar tastes. so i might be coming back soon for those sakes. i don't know yet if it'll be on this account or the new one i made at the beginning of this year, planning to come back to tumblr before i got overwhelmed by fear of the embedded terfism here.

i'm just under a month short of two years on testosterone now. it's been a very good choice, and every day i'm relieved that i didn't let the womanhoodposting on here prevent me from pursuing it. just today i found an overlong hair in the middle of my left cheek, indicating that sometime soon my sideburns will join up with all my chin hairs and then maybe sometime after that i'll have a real beard. i'm happy about that. i like being a man.

next week i'm going to disneyland, as a delayed birthday trip, because june in anaheim is too hot. i've struggled a lot with how i feel that over the course of 2020 i lost the very characterizing investment i had in theme parks as something inspirational and expressive of a broader human urge to make good, sweet, transporting things. i still don't know what to replace that investment with; it's hard, still, ever since 2020, to feel like anything on earth is genuinely good. i don't have anything that i feel i can make fawning posts about the depth and meaningfulness of, even after replacing my theme park interest with kpop. which of course causes bouts of creative rut and insecurity about my kpop fic production; it feels like i have nothing to Say, the way i used to, about relationships with those fics. i'm on a pseudo-break right now from my rpf twitter because i just hate everything i've ever produced. but that's not really a fair outlook. i think that continuing to create even when you aren't sure what you're trying to say can be valuable; others can read an intent or politic into what you express even if you didn't intend it. i think it's not really my fault that pandemic trauma and then, more recently, grief trauma, have left me disconnected from what i might Truly Mean when i create things. but idk.

idk if anyone who was following me last year even cares! but it's good to just sort of write this out. i had a brief bout, in may and june of this year, of writing out my feelings in this way as journal entries on gaiaonline, because our friend prin encouraged a bunch of us in that eight-person, now seven-person, discord to join. it was satisfying. but i slipped out of the habit of logging into gaia after lex passed because i haven't been able to shake the feeling of wishing that lex had joined, that lex had gotten to indulge in making avatars that suit their tastes, because i think they would have been the best at it out of all of us. they had style, they had aesthetic cohesion. i don't know.

i'm unsure when or if i'll ever return to gaia, so here's my journal entry. a good portion of you endured my humiliatingly ultra-confessional posts for years and years before now, so i won't be too apologetic about this post. hi. idk if i'm back. but this is how i've been doing. good as an arc away from tumblr; maybe bad as a recent development. life is like that. how are you?

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beloved-not-broken · 2 years

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I'm in a season of transition right now, specifically with my housing situation. My lease is up in the fall, so I've been searching for places to live.

But it seems like God has been shutting a lot of doors in my face.

I'm using that analogy because I feel like I'm standing in a corridor with hundreds of doors lined up and down the hallway. Each door is a different future that I could have, based on a single choice that I make in this moment.

The way I see it, God shows me where to go in transition periods by opening doors and shutting others.

God closed some doors for me in the past to lead me where I am today.

Four years ago, I was living on the other end of the state. It was time to leave my low-paying job for one that actually had benefits. (The joys of adulthood.) But although I was looking every week for jobs in my hometown, I couldn't find anything that met my needs.

So I had to step out of my comfort zone and consider other cities.

Because I was tired of driving 40 miles to work every day, I wanted to live somewhere with a robust public transit system. I looked for jobs in New York City—strike one. Then I looked for jobs in Washington, DC—strike two. In what could only have been a nudge from God, the idea of living in Charlotte, NC crossed my mind. The first company I found in the area seemed like the right fit, and a recruiter reached out not long after I sent in my application.

In the span of three weeks, I had gone through several rounds of interviews and accepted a new position.

The apartment search was relatively easy, too. By God's grace, there was a unit available in a building I really wanted to live in. So not only was I able to live near public transit, I was also able to live by myself—something I'd always wanted to do.

Fast-forward four years, and I'm a leader of a community group and a local church. I've come out as aromantic and agender, and I've been able to embrace my queerness without leaving my faith. In fact, my faith is stronger than it's ever been.

All because I followed God through an open door and didn't try to force the closed ones open.

I'm in a similar transition period now.

There are seemingly infinite possibilities before me. But like I said before, the doors are closing all around me.

Trying to force them open isn't going to help. God made it clear that I can't go there.

Standing in front of a closed door is futile, too. If I focus too much on what I want to happen, I'll miss the opportunity to step into a better, brighter future that God is offering me.

So all I can do is wait and pray.

Not gonna lie, the anxiety isn't fun to deal with.

Waiting and praying is easier said than done. I should know; I live with generalized anxiety. And with the end of my lease creeping closer by the day, I have to actively fight the urge to take matters into my own hands.

God hasn't let me down before. Why can't I accept that God won't let me down this time, either? (Human nature, I guess.)

It's going to work out. God promised.

Anyway, I'm sharing this post for a few reasons:

To acknowledge that God has worked miracles in my life before and won't stop now

To also acknowledge that transition periods and closed doors are frustrating

To encourage myself and anyone else who might be going through a similar situation

I'll leave us on a positive note with a reminder from the apostle Paul:

"We know that God works all things together for good for the ones who love God, for those who are called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28 (CEB)

#what's on my mind #encouragement #scripture #queer christian #who god is #scripture deep dive - romans

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40sandfabulousaf · 2 months

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大家好! I've had naengmyeon (Korean cold noodles) before, but not dong bei leng mian (cold noodles from Northeastern China). On a very hot afternoon this week, I finally tried it. Both taste similar - tart from vinegar - except the Chinese version was slightly sweet and had more veggies. Mine came with cucumber and ginger strips, diced tomato, pickled cabbage, hardboiled egg and the bounciest noodles ever. I wouldn't call them QQ, they were doinkdoink! Between this and tomato egg noodles, I prefer the latter, but on a hot day, this was pleasant.

It was my first time catching up with LL at the swimming club. She enjoyed our lunch of laksa, oyster egg and seafood assam pedas (a Muslim seafood stew believed to have originated from Indonesia). Besides sharing the 3 dishes, we ended our meal with lava cake and vanilla ice cream. LL liked the relaxed ambience of the swimming club and the lack of crowds because going anywhere on weekends, including tourist favourite, Orchard Road, is a nightmare if you don't enjoy squeezing with throngs of people. For a change, I made a video of the premises and food because there's a restriction of 10 photos per post. So... enjoy!

youtube

Besides collecting the 3 tubs of Legend Age moisturisers I'd ordered from LL, I also tried a new product - their eye cream. After dotting eyes with cream, the top of the tube doubles up as a massager. Like their moisturiser, this is quickly absorbed into the skin, leaving it supple, smooth and velvety. There's no need to use a lot of it, which saves money, a godsend during these inflationary times. It's very relaxing to have an eye massage at the end of a long work day! I passed a tube to Mummy and she was equally impressed after trying it.

youtube

Meanwhile, over 34,000 Palestinians have been killed by Israeli attacks in Gaza. Famine is still setting in, especially in the north. Israel claims to have let in more aid trucks and there were reports of 3 bakeries resuming operations, but bread alone won't eradicate malnutrition that now plagues many adults and children alike. Nourishing foods like meat and vegetables, if they can be found, are prohibitively expensive to most. New mothers aren't producing enough milk to feed their infants; even if these babies survive, who knows what damage is done to their health and internal organs, and how this will affect their futures.

A child born into a family is usually a joyous affair but there's no joy for Palestinians as Israel continues to rain attacks on Gaza. What little joy there is, is short-lived. Many of these little ones are either killed or die from hunger. The immense pain and suffering continues until a ceasefire finally happens, if it happens at all. It looks unlikely as long as certain countries keep arming Israel, enabling it to act with impunity and total disrespect for the rest of the world. I can only pray these evil parties will be punished and punished severely for their wickedness. 下次见!

#Youtube

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dirthara-dalen · 5 months

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Wanted to make a post about my Clone Wars era OC's kids. Actually info will be below cut due to length. There is a huge canon divergence when it comes to the sequels and Rey in my Legacy Canon. Rey is actually a Starwing (not whatever the fuck the movie says she is) and generally follow the force awakens but I ignore the other two films. I do have more oc's but the post was getting super long so they will be separate.

Top row: Revan Frey Starwing, Radin Anakin Starwing

Bottom row: Evior Sifo Starwing

#1) Revan is the eldest of the Starwing children born to Lee and Shara-rae Starwing. He was a surprise baby having been born seven months after the battle of Endor. As his name suggests he is named after Revan and Ligastar (used Ligastar's real name, Frey). He is also the fraternal older twin brother of Radin. Revan is a very talented duealist and is a very powerful force sensitive like his parents before him. He takes great pride in his namesake and is desperate to make Revan proud. He is a fore walker like his father but oddly seems to only be able to communicate with Revan himself.

When Rey was first targeted by strange cultists he helped his father in securing refuge on Tatooine for her with an old ally of his father. Several months later when everything was safe again he accompanied his father when he went to retrieve Rey. They discovered said ally had become a spice addict and had hidden it well during their first visit. it was Revan who discovered that the so called ally had sold his sister to the newly reformed Brother's slaving group for cold hard credits. He does not speak of what he witnessed that day, of what his father had done to the man. It was the one and only time Revan has ever been afraid of Lee.

He helps search for his sister over the next ten years while also raising his own daughter alone after his husband was killed by the knights of Ren. Prior to the events of The Force Awakens, Revan loses his right arm (cut off a little bit above his elbow) during a duel with the new leader of the Knights of Ren. Revan despises Kylo even through they were once very close friends as children. His replacement arm is Zakuulan tech very similar to Arcann’s.

#2) Radin, like their mother, is blind. As a child he used Revan as a crutch until he was taught the art of force sight. Even then he has never felt confident in his abilities. He slowly began gaining said confidence after meeting Darien Tirall, the son of one of his fathers closet friends. Once in their teens the two began dating and by the time they were 18 Darien had asked Radin to marry him. Both are very much aware of their families history with one another. When Rey is sold into slavery, Radin decides to that he would be of no help in the search for her due to his limited abilities. So he agrees to watch over his niece, Lillian, while Revan is off aiding the search.

Radin and Darien, through artificial means, eventually have twin sons. At Radin's urging they named them after Arcann and Thexan.

3) Eivor is only three years young than Rey. Because of this he is very close to his sister as he struggles to keep with his brothers due to his lack of force sensitivity and his poor eyesight. When older he gets cybernetics in order to see better.

He is taught by his father to wield a lightsaber as Lee believes all of his children should know how to fight in hand to hand combat. As a result of this training he is gifted a beskar sword by his uncle, Sio, as he doesn’t trust himself with a deadly laser sword.

(Eivor is still a wip atm due to some changes I've made)

#swtor #the starwing legacy #revan frey starwing #radin starwing #eivor starwing

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askaniritual · 6 months

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So totally random, and okay if you don’t think of this character in this way, but do you think it’s at all a part of karkat’s character that he tends to like people more than they like him? Maybe this is just a like hobbled together reading of his character since I haven’t read all of homestuck, but it seems to be a thing in terms of the triangle between him and Dave and Terezi, But also it’s just post-scratch (and maybe a little before it) I feel like sollux’s primary relationships became feferi and Arcadia, and I don’t think their relationship gets really revisited. I know you mentioned before that like oh karkat is kinda obsessed with sollux, but like if they were to have drifted apart what do you think karkat and solluxs feelings towards each other would be in that scenario and do you think they blame themselves or other people from maybe getting the way of their relationship/friendship(?).

Also I think you’d like the song internet baby (interlude) by pinkpantheress it gives me vibes that it’s like about gamzee but idk if the pov character is like sollux or karkat or someone else.

i loooooveee when you guys tee me up to riff on character dynamics i've just made up in my head lol its very fun for me

but fr i mean (hopefully) you know this but i've only read hs act 5 so anything i'm saying about any character ever is me talking about what i remember of act 5, context ive picked up from fandom and the hsmtw podcast, and stuff i read in fanfiction. and as far as fanfiction goes i tend to read non-sgrub alternia aus pretty exclusively and that is like. the dynamic that i am primarily interested in. so yk take anything im saying abt any character in comic canon w a hymalayan salt lamp's worth of salt

anywayyyyy all that being said i actually kind of see it the other way around? in that karkat's self-loathing really gets in the way of him understanding the extent to which people care about him. i think he's somebody who gets so wrapped up in trying to justify other people's affection for him that it causes people to get fed up and move on waiting for him to decide if he thinks he deserves to be loved

i do not recall saying i think karkat is obsessed w sollux? altho totally possible i did lmfao. i agree canon doesn't leave much room for them to be together (and i dont think that was ever like. an intended reading of act 5 to be perfectly honest lol) and to me i see it as like i think it's very easy for them to drift apart given their deep-seated insecurities. karkat definitely always blames himself for everything even when its not deserved or productive tho and i think if sollux is angry he's fine to let that happen to avoid having a difficult conversation

like i know i say this all the time but for me it all comes back to that sollux is like. societally and narratively an object and so everything he does is steeped in resentment for the fact that it's completely irrelevant vs his utility as a straight up battery. and karkat is kind of in the opposite position where societally he is considered completely useless and marked for death so he feels this overwhelming urge to make himself useful in some sense to try and prove that he has any worth at all. and i think this opposing dichotomy is interesting in that it creates two people who have on the surface similar anxieties that manifest in functionally opposite directions and then on top of all that they r still besties and can't fully extricate themselves from each other even though they r continually talking past each other

and thanks for the song rec! very fun song i could see it being from gamzee's perspective abt karkat for sure lol

#i thiiiiink i addressed all ur points? let me know if i missed something haha #asks #anonymous #allegory of the hive #long post #god this got so long sorry lol

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cheeze-and-sprinklez · 2 years

Text

In response to this post I've made before:

I'll probably share some prompts once in a while depicting the moments where that very OC of mine interacting with the Moon Boys OR with other characters OR another OCs too. Their moments in the AU I thought of have been playing at the back of my head and I felt like venting some of it out.

Sorry if there's no actual context about the OC, though I'll have you (the ones who might read this) know that he is an artificial being made of a data who slowly became sentient thanks to the after-effects of the Mind Stone flowing inside Vision's body.

Before JARVIS got uploaded into the vibranium body created by Ultron in the 2nd Avengers movie and became The Vision, JARVIS had a backup data where it extracted from its programming to assist it on milder or minor tasks (eg. internal chores navigation throughout the Tower etc. This however did not NOTICED by Tony or Bruce.

(IF IT'S ILLOGICAL THEN PARDON ME BECAUSE THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FICTIONAL AS IT CAN BE 😂)

JARVIS, now is The Vision, and after MANY OTHER contextual events prior- Gave the said data his name so it could have a sense of belong- sense of being... Alive. So now the OC is practically called as Jarvis (with no ALL CAPSLOCK).

Also ADMITTEDLY treated by Vision like a younger brother he never thought he would have. Oh Wanda is very skeptical about Jarvis at first, now she's an overprotective sister-in-law to him too because Billy and Tommy loved having their Uncle Jay around. (There's a build up event to this too- Might elaborate if there's someone interested at knowing more about this AU 🙈).

TL;DR

Now Jarvis inhabits a body created by another existing Marvel character who is a rather frightening guy from Agents of Shield. Clue: The big bad during the Framework Arc where HYDRA reigns.

(This too, have other contextual build up where I might share if anybody's interested at knowing more.)

This is solely a tribute to my older days of getting into roleplaying way back during 2014. Sometimes, I miss those RP days so much and writing whatever crosses my mind on my phone's note phone could give myself a sense of relief :')

There will be some OCs of my old RP buddy I'm gonna throw in as a tribute too. Thinking how their interactions are gonna be nothing more but domestic and warm.

Wish I could relive those days again but I'm such a wuss when it comes to interacting with people. Totally on me to blame :')

AND ON TO THE ACTUAL PROMPT NOW- WHAT A LONG RANT!!!

🔷 MAIN FIC TITLE - Built This Way (And Maybe More?)

🔶 PART 1/CHAPTER 1 - Being Hooman Is Sufferin.

🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻

[11.30 AM - At a Convention Center somewhere in New York.]

Make it the 6th time where he got himself mistaken as an intern sent by a distinguished vehicle company. The lanyard with some details written regarding the event he attended have a questionable way of laying out the wearer's name. It's written using a bland font not bigger than the size for a newspaper header!

'Jarvis' is written on it. Nothing else came after that particular word. His name. He tucked the lanyard in between his suit, rubbing his eyes from the sleepiness that had been clinging since he had taken his first step in the hall.

Sometimes, he wondered if Anthony Stark, the Iron Man, took great effort in his parenting because...

He glanced at the convention's entrance where locals or people across the world entered the hall, into an event for car ethusiasts. SUPER CAR ethusiasts to be exact.

Ting...

Came a chime from his pocket, a new message;

< Morgan said no, Pepper said no but I said yes. How's the event going? Did you find anything similar like the drawing tacked at the pin-board in her room? >

Jarvis sent him a reply;

< Fortunately, there's one AKIN to it but it didn't come with a unicorn horn sports rim. >

Ting, another incoming message;

< Oh damn... Yep, you guys are right. We'll wait until she's older ✌ >

He exited the chatroom thread. With his phone on one hand, he tugged he strap of his sling bag and repositioned it onto his shoulder. Time to go.

He decided to take a hailing service rather than driving from his apartment to the city. He's not that patient when it comes to traffic honestly and aside from this event, there's another more being held at the other area of the Convention center.

The road is jam packed.

But walking between the blocks and avoiding clogged roads with cars under this summer heat is starting to get to him. To think he is getting this feeble thanks to that...

Curse from the the hidden tomb back at the underwater sea cavern during a covert quest at an estranged island in Egypt. Another special task ordered by his 'observers' who could revoke his 'rights to live' anytime they wanted if he failed to commit to his duty as an artificial being capable of 'multiple feats'.

Yes, he is slowly succumbing to being a human... Flesh and blood, skins and bones...

Though nobody should knew about that... Not the Starks... Not The Visions... Not his colleagues from SHIELD (the observers) and not even the Aria family whom he's feeling far closer compared to the others.

Then again, he wasn't built or programmed to execute any form of extreme measures so feeling feeble while the curse is spreading throughout his body could reflect just as much. What special feats? Even he was left in the dark by the original creator!

It's fair since watching him struggling to live like a human being has been part of his 'active experimentation in the field' for the last 5 years afterall. That sadist fuck. Can't believe he has a relative bearing the same look like he was from Phil Coulson's team.

Except that he is the worse kind of him and he's waiting to claim HIS head when the time is due. The body... Is his property afterall and he is just a stray data who foolishly bite the bait setup by him to permanently host his invention.

Jarvis didn't realize he had walked quiet far from the main convention's building while lamenting the same thought over and over in his head. It's not that jam packed here and there's a bus stop he could take a shade while searching for a ride home in the hailing app.

He's starting to regret this. There's no way in hell anybody would drive here when the roads are stuffed with people heading to the events held at the convention center. Be it commuting via public transport or yourself, there's no difference.

Jarvis tapped on the 'search for a ride' button for the 7th time. The app's indicator kept circling in motion, tracing whoever would accept a ride request from this lonely guy at the bustop fighting against the afternoon's heat.

At a less crowded courtyard of the convention center's area... There is a stunning Mercedes in a shiny granite coating with a none-seeing through tinted windows. The person at the driver seat simply watched the app on his phone ringing over an incoming ride request not to far from where he parked.

He propped one hand on the arm rest of the driver seat, resting his head slightly on his gloved knuckle. A mischievous grin escaped his lips when his app ringing for the 8th time now. He tapped on the screen, accepting the ride at last.

After he locked his phone and the screen dimmed to black, a reflection is caught looking back at 'him' with the most "Are you kidding me?!" expression ever.

The driver's gentle Alter caught him red handed. For making the young man wait eventhough he received his ride request for the past 30 minutes!

As the car cruise to the requester's destination, the gentle Alter of his retreated back deep into their headspace. Someone has to know about this.

Marc has to know about this.

Jake is acting on his own, again.

🔵 TO BE CONTINUED 🔵

I gotta stop for a bit because this post is hella lengthy thanks to my earlier rants as well!

I will continue with the 2nd part later on (maybe?)

Because cliffhangers are fun! 👁👄👁

{And you can visit the link below to read on A03 since I will be uploading both places, tumblr and A03}

#moon knight #marvel oc #marc spector #steven grant #jake lockley #agents of shield #marvel #moon knight fanfiction #original character

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hangmansradio · 3 years

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Do you ever question ~why~ you write, and find yourself wanting to throw your laptop out of the window because of it?

I write for the MCR fandom and ill be honest, i fell out of love with the fandom a long long time ago (mainly because of the online toxicity). Now, i no longer care about receiving comments or kudos from people in the fandom because it honestly just raises anxiety in me, so I've found myself writing but not posting it anywhere. (Before, kudos and comments especially from regular readers were what motivated me)

There's no other fandom I'm interested in writing in, and I'm past the age now where a new fandom can grab my attention easily- it would really take a lot for that to happen. So I'm at this point where I'm just like... why am I writing and who am I writing for? I'm using Gerard and Frank as characters but I'm so far removed from the fandom that I don't feel connected to it in anyway anymore.

I hate Canon (in terms of tv show fandoms etc) so a bandom is perfect for creative liberties when writing, but I just... feel so unmotivated. And yet, writing is my life, I dont know what I'll do with my free time if I stop.

I know you've spoken before about second guessing your place in the fandom and whether or not it's a space you still want to write in. How do you still continue to write when you feel that way? I know you're currently taking a break, but before that?

If you can't relate to anything I've said in this ask then just disregard it, but I have the feeling you are or have been in a similar position as me and maybe you can offer some words of wisdom 🥺

Oh nonny, I really, really feel for you right now 💜 I am in basically the exact same position as you, more or less. I've been writing in the MCR fandom for fifteen years now (yikes) and it was always such a warm, safe space. But the past couple of years I've slowly noticed that changing, and now, even me as a seasoned writer who KNOWS the fandom so well, am totally disgusted by the thought of posting anything new because the toxicity is at a new level. It's like people will read someone's work now just to find something to complain about, when ✨back in my day ✨ the number one rule was always "don't like something, then hit the back button". I feel like it's become an okay thing now to literally harass authors, which is just awful because we're all writing for free, in our spare time.

Once upon a time you could write about literally anything and know you were safe to post, even back before AO3 and their fantastic tagging system. Back then, you knew there was a chance you could be reading something you disliked every time you clicked on a fic, and that was fine, because you just turned back if that was the case. And that fostered a really great community, where anyone sending hate or being at all negative to an author were very quickly shot down by everyone else reminding them that only THEY, and not the author, are responsible for keeping themselves happy on the internet.

All that being said, I'm not sure I'll ever return to writing MCR fic. Taking this break has been so healing, because I don't miss it at all. I miss writing terribly, and I miss those wonderful readers who would always send love my way, but in general... My mental health is a million times better for getting out. And it would get even better again if I had the heart to completely sever the ties with my AO3 account - just this morning I received another negative comment on a fic and seeing the email notification come through with comments makes me so anxious now. I hate that it's become that way, and the temptation to completely delete my profile is so tempting. But I couldn't do it to those people who still say they get so much joy out of my fic.

So... I'm in a very similar position to you. Writing MCR fic was me. It's what I did every spare moment I had for literally half of my life. So where do we go from here? Personally I'm still figuring it out.

I'm lucky in that I have some fantastic writer friends who still want to read my stuff in private who I can post to. It's not as motivating as that rush of posting online and seeing who likes it, but it's enough. I haven't written anything at all, not a single sentence, since I uploaded Chains made of Gold; but last week one of my real life friends asked if they could help get me out of my writing rut, and requested a Kingsman fic, not to post online but just for them to read. And it's the first time I've felt any sort of motivation to write. Something small, safe and private to share with a friend, that I can handle.

I'm similar to you, in that I find canon difficult to work around because I'm so used to writing whatever I want. But there are no fanfic rules that say you have to stick to canon - the joy of fanfiction is that we don't have to do that! It can be hard getting into a new fandom, but maybe it's worth just a little try?

And for me, as it is for many fic writers, the dream was always to one day write original stories to publish. Recently I've felt like that dream is further away than ever, and maybe I'm just not a writer anymore. But I can't imagine my life without it, writing stories is my passion, and I can't let a toxic fandom destroy that.

So to you nonny, I say this - don't give up. It's easier said than done, I know. Find "real" people who love writing and befriend them, if you don't already know people who might want to read your stuff in private. I'm more than happy for you to send anything my way, be it fanfic or otherwise, and I'll gladly cheerleader for you if it helps keep the writing bug alive. Joining a creative writing group is also a fantastic way to keep motivated and challenge yourself with new ideas - I LOVED the one I was in, but sadly I have no local group now. But if you do, please try it, getting away from the internet communities that are so toxic and into a group of real people, all passionate about writing, is such a healing thing.

We all started writing just for us. Because we loved it. Hold onto that, and take as long a break as you need, and I promise the urge to write will come again 💜

TL;DR The 'point' of writing has always just been to tell those stories inside of us. Don't give up on something you're passionate about, find good people who can be excited about your writing with you and share things with them 💜

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felassan · 4 years

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I've been thinking about how Ghilan'nain is amongst the gods that Solas trapped and wondering what she did to be grouped with the rest of them. But according to the lore, she wasn't the same after the hunter incident and maybe her everlasting wound turned her cruel to the point that she made creatures out of cruelty/to be destructive and frightening. I'm curious to see what the DA says too! <3

Hello! This answer is under a cut for length. TN spoilers under cut.

Part of it will be that she was a part of the institution that he was seeking to strike down in order to free the People. After ascending Ghilan’nain was actively part of the problem, a false would-be god at the top of the power structure, in a system where said gods had come to rule over a stratified society and keep slaves. Her included, as there’s Ghilan’nain vallaslin. Part of it will then have been her part in the events that preceded the fall. When Solas talks about what the Evanuris did and why he created the Veil, he talks about them as a group. “They” killed Mythal, and he believes the Evanuris - as a faction, at least - were going to destroy the entire world. It’s interesting - did they all have a direct hand in Mythal’s death, or did only some of them and the rest were indirectly involved, say via conspiring? We only have his side of the story here, but that’s what he says. It’s totally possible he was speaking in generalities (sometimes we’re like “I’m out with my family / the lads / whatever” when not every single member of the mentioned group is actually present) and only some of them were directly and indirectly involved in the murder, but then we’re still left with the power structure problem and the slavery and the peer group destroying the world stuff. And I wonder about her maneuvering against Mythal - the sinner took the form of what’s implied to be a dragon (a creature heavily associated with Mythal) at her urging, and it was then Mythal that he begged protection from. Why did she urge him to do that I wonder? Was it a scheme? A slight, an insult to Mythal? Like ‘Look Mythal, one of the non-gods flies in a divine god-only shape, the one particularly associated with you btw, how disrespectful!,’ something ‘said’ while knowing that when caught it’s Mythal he’d go to to beg protection, kinda rubbing her nose in it? And then ‘oh look everyone, the All-Mother and adjudicator isn’t showing the sinner favor after all, so much for the great protector you think is so great. Maybe she isn’t so great after all’. That undermines and creates a situation where Mythal looks bad.

There’s also what she was doing on the side. Before, she created monsters and dangerous beasts and then slaughtered most of them en-masse in return for apotheosis and more power. If the Pride that stayed her hand when she was going to destroy the sea creatures was Solas, then he had knowledge of those events and knew what her inclinations were. That codex tells us a few things: that Ghilan’nain was just as.. well, Evanurissy, as the rest of the Evanuris in her own way, that she made monstrous terrible things that even the Evanuris considered dangerous and that she was ruthless enough to kill most of her creations in order to obtain godhood, even though she clearly loved some of them. And that was before being one of the Evanuris-proper. The Tevinter Nights prison-ship carvings imply that the things she was experimenting on weren’t simple animals. Livestock animals or lab rat-type animals aren’t transported or kept in “prisons”, people are. Pens or cages would be more animal-appropriate language. Then her research notes have her explaining her process to the “stock” as a courtesy (which is straight up telling a captured human-level-sentient being what you’re going to do to it, we don’t explain anything to our science fair volcanoes or to the lab rats being used in medical research, as they can’t and don’t understand). The “lesser animals” bit implies the things she was working on at the time were higher, complex beings. So from the fragments we have an unethical scientist archtype who performed twisted experiments and made monsters out of people who were prisoners or slaves. Did she stop doing those things after ascension? She could have continued her work in secret, and post-ascension she was in a position of great power and privilege and had a supply of slaves. Could she have been tempted to continue, in that position, with that access? Post-ascension she was also part of the Evanuris group, and whatever the Evanuris were doing, power corrupted and they had a lust for it.

I’m sure there’s a lot more to it as we only have fragments and Solas’ side of things (which has stuff omitted). It’s also hard to say because which parts of the Dalish beliefs nowadays about the gods are true and which parts were a bit misconstrued or evolved over time? They’re a mix. The story of Ghilan’nain and the hunter as we can read it is from the modern Dalish belief system. Parts of it definitely line up with other fragments - she had a connection to Andruil, halla are involved, in the short story focusing on her in TN there are striking similarities between Ghilan’nain being wounded and bound and Warden Friedl, someone affected by Ghilan’nain’s work, gouging out her own eyes and being bound by Ramesh and Lesha. Other parts don’t quite, and the truth is probably somewhere in-between the Dalish belief and the picture ‘painted’ in the Temple of Mythal inscription (whoever created those inscriptions had their own biases, and were likely in the service of Mythal. Mythal’s temple will naturally be full of pro-Mythal information and things reflecting Mythal’s views).

Anyway given her inclinations and Solas’ views on slavery and freedom I can see why. I do like the theory that maybe an encounter like that with a hunter (or was it a “hunter”? It could have been someone specific) influenced how she got started doing that stuff. Like maybe that encounter is why she began keeping herself apart from the People and where she got the idea from? Notes on Methods of Enchantment feel scientifically detached and coolly concerned with the technical aspects and the aim of the work though, so while obviously heinously cruel it feels more like she thought of it as a scientific endeavor done for that purpose (this is the danger of not seeing other people as people but instead seeing them as “stock”) rather than something done for the terrifying sake of it and out of “I specifically actively want to see people suffer”-cruelty. Who knows when they were written though (or even if she even wrote them), she could have come to be that detached over time.

This post is speculative not prescriptive. :)

#dragon age #bioware #mj replies #katie-my-lady #video games #solas #tevinter nights #tevinter nights spoilers #spoiler #spoilers #tevinter nights spoiler

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katsukikitten · 4 years

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A/N Hello all and welcome to the seven day event! I have a few more slots open if you all would like to leave a request! I've decided to start off with Daddy aizawa from a request from @jordan102791 that has been long neglected! So please leave a like reblog or comment if you've enjoyed!

Bodies flood the busy streets, shoulders slumped in attempt to shield themselves from the howling wind, all the while reminding Aizawa why he hates coming into the city.

The biting winter wind picks up, carrying with it the sounds of a cry for help.

mew

Aizawa's ears perk at the pitiful sound that barely echoes in the alley he's passed.

"I don't need a cat." He grumbles to himself and as if on cue another meow rings out. This time much more desperate than the last.

MEW

He pushes on, heart beating in his chest as his head thinks up all sorts of terrible scenarios, all the while the weak little meow echos in his head.

He sighs turning on his heel as he backtracks towards the small cries. The meow getting weaker and weaker as he gets closer. The small space quiets as he stands in the mouth of the alley as if all the sound were swallowed. He let's deft eyes roam over the piles of stinking trash and buzzing flies.

mew

His ears twitch, straining to hear the tiny creature until finally he spies a box moving. He approaches hand picking up the damp cardboard box to reveal something similar to his horrific thoughts.

Despite being a hero things that are sad and hard on the heart never get easier. Cold eyes dull themselves to the sight of the momma cat and the siblings lying still slightly frosted over as they lie on top of one another.

The kitten's small eyes are blurred from hunger and cold, barely opened as it desperately tries to nuzzle its mother for milk.

"Hey there little one." He soothes as the baby cries more just fitting in the palm of his hand. Giant moon jade eyes stare into Aizawa's soul begging for help.

He swallows thickly, gently sticking the kitten into his warm inner chest pocket, feeling the little being vibrate in the new fur lined oasis. Aizawa carefully wraps the other cat and kittens in his linen restraints heading straight to a park for a proper good bye.

He stands over the mound of dirt, vision threatening to blurr over the small tragedy. It's ironic, he has seen plenty of deaths, witness some people's twice in a sense, he could hardly shed tears then but over cats he barely knew they threaten to fall. Just as the snow does overhead. Suddenly his chest brings vibrating again serving as a reminder as to why he set down this heart hardening path.

No matter how big or small, he wanted to save lives. Was going to save lives.

It's just hard to bear witness to the fact that he cannot save everyone.

His gloved fingers slip into his chest pocket to give the little kitten a few scratches as he speaks.

"Let's get you checked out little one." His eyes flash to the time on his wrist. He bows to the mound before trudging through the frozen earth with burning muscles back towards the city.

Shouta finds himself in front of a small old brick building sandwiched between towering skyscrapers. The building looks warm, inviting as the picture window illuminates the darkening sidewalk with soft yellow light. A skinny man with a dog much too large for his frame stands at the counter. Smiling even as he fights with his overly excited dog.

Then he spies you, his heart skips a beat in his chest, he thinks to turn around. Not ready to deal with the ghost who stands behind the counter. A face he almost forgot.

But how could he ever forget you.

"Like an endless night sky..."

Shouta stares in for another moment, a small mew encourages him to step inside what was the closest veterinary hospital at the time. The old wooden door chimes over head as the long dark haired man makes his way in while the large dog barrels past him.

"Ah I'm sorry Brutus is just so excited about the snow!" The skinny man smiles warmly, straining as he's pulled along by the choking dog. Shouta tries harder than ever to keep the sneer off of his face. It's not as if he *hated* dogs, they just weren't his cup of tea.

As he steps up to the counter he sees you standing there. Smiling warmly in a set of black scrubs with little pink paw prints littered across the fabric for design.

"Hello and welcome!" Your smile becomes impossibly bright as you handle a blue clip board, "Are you here to make an appointment? I don't believe I've seen you here before."

You fight to keep the blush off of your cheeks as he is by far the most handsome man you've seen. Not to mention the way your stomach twists when you look at his scar, pulling an inkling feeling from the depths of your mind.

Did he look familiar to you?

Maybe? But only because you see thousands of faces a month since moving your office to the city.

Aizawa says nothing, feigning disinterest as he pulls the kitten from his pocket and sets it on the counter. The tiny thing shakes a little, meowing for warmth, staring at Shouta as if he betrayed it.

He swallows thickly almost choking on the guilt. Your small hands scoop up the shaking ball of black fur, tilting it this way and that as your eyes glow all before cuddling it to your chest with one hand. Your other has a pen scribbling across an exam sheet before it is poised near the top.

"Name for you, love?" You ask softly, blinking away what must be your quirk as the brilliant color fades. He wonders if your personality is always this flirty.

"Aizawa Shouta." He watches with cold eyes as his name takes form in your swirling script.

"And for her?" You prompt, the kitten meows but you rock it gently. His eyes weigh heavy on the little kitten. He is quiet for a long moment as you give him time to think.

"I really don't need a cat..." You laugh at his response, your eyes flicker to his now agitated ones.

"I'm not asking you to raise her. I'm asking you to name her.

"Nozomi." His voice comes out breathy and something about his scruffy cold face melting just a bit encourages a wide smile to play on your lips.

"I like it. We will have to care for her for a few weeks since her condition is so severe." You turn the clipboard towards him to sign, "You found little Nozomi just in time."

Starless night eyes flicker up towards you in slight confusion.

"How did you know?" He remembers you blinking away your quirk. He had only guess that it could tell conditions of something living. Could you see the past too?

Suddenly he feels a bit vulnerable, biting back the urge to suppress your quick with his own.

"Lucky guess." You shrug, pulling back the clipboard, "Now I'll need your number."

You slide a post it note and a pen to him that he eyes suspiciously.

"For? She won't be my cat." He voice comes out icy but you press on anyway, looking up at a handsome and clearly caring man through long lashes.

"Oh, for me silly. How else will I be able to send you cute pictures of 'not your cat'." You smile devilishly to which his eyes seem to ice over more causing the feeling of rejection to settle in your stomach. Although you take it in stride as you offer, now, a more professional smile, eyes sliding to the clock.

"Well you can visit as often as you'd like if you even choose to. But now it is closing time. Mr. Aizawa."

You escort him to the door, his gloved hand slides over fur that matches his eyes before he sighs out turning his back determined to leave the little kitten behind.

He truly doesn't need a pet.

Tonight he dreams of two sets of eyes. Wide jade moons and your own vibrant color swim in his dreams.

Weeks pass as every Sunday Aizawa finds himself in front of the small brick building. Each time debating if he should go in. Why was he here? Just for Nozomi? Or was an overly flirty Veterinarian the cause for his return? Should he really be here? I mean he seriously DOES NOT WANT A CAT.

Or a significant other for that matter.

Yet he finds himself getting out of bed on his only day off only to be pulled back here stating in the picture window at Nozomoi lying on the counter and at you talking so sweetly to her. He feels tethered to this place and he cannot fathom why.

This isn't the first kitten or cat he's ever saved. You aren't the first person he's ever been secretly attracted too.

But you may be the first to keep feeling him in.

His hand finds the old brass knob on it's own, giving it a twist as the bell over head chimes. Bright eyes flash his way before your signature dazzling smile settles across kissable lips, delicate hands lifting the soft black fur to you.

He allows his signature blank almost exhausted expression to settle across his features as he speaks to you, hands ever stretched out for Nozomi.

Just as in life, hands always reaching out for hope.

He cradles this kitten that is so suddenly turning cat close to him. Settling in his now favorite oversized leather chair that basks in the sun by the picture window. He reminds you so much of a cat himself. His cold expression that can meld into content or even a hint of happy when his eyes settle over something he likes. You wonder if this is what keeps attracting you to him.

Every now and again you get a look of approving content that makes your heart soar. You let your nails bite into the palm of your hand as you push down such trivial feelings, especially when he had made it so clear that he is uninterested.

Customers come and go, passing by what is becoming the new normal. A strong yet lanky male in a black cable knit sweater, long hair pulled back in a messy manner, his scruff somehow effortlessly perfect. His long legs concealed in well fitted black jeans, Nozomi lazing atop his thighs. One hand rests on purring black fur while the other holds either a book or the days paper.

Your eyes find his scar winking in the sunlight often, in fact your eyes catch his content form more often than not.

You grit your teeth, setting down a file as you remind yourself over and over that he is just a patients owner.

He seems to be the loner type so why bother?

Well you bother because of the way his skin feels agaisnt yours even if it is a brush of your fingers as you hand over "not his cat" Nozomi.

You bother because you enjoy his smile that causes your stomach to knot and you want to bother because he just looks so calm and zen sitting in the over sized leather chair lapping up the sun as well as any cat would. Dark summer night eyes glance towards you causing you to turn on your heel. Heading to the back for coffee only to be disappointed to see the pot missing.

"Ah I forgot Brutus jumped up on the table...." You stare at the deeply grooved wood as the scene plays line a movie in your head. You sigh deeply as you gather your jacket for some much needed air and caffeine.

"Yumi I'm going to try to get some coffee since I don't have any appointments. Did you want any...." Your voice dies down as you push through the door to find a lobby full of waiting people. The jacket is shed from your overworked shoulders as you begin to assist the sudden burst of walk ins. You do not see Aizawa in his normal chair, only Nozomi whose turned into the standard office cat as she lounges in the fading sun.

You huff as your day gets seemingly longer.

Eyes crossing as the rush seems never ending before you come across the final familar face.

The slim man with his muscular dog Brutus barreling into the counter.

"Ah Dr. Y/LN. I'm so sorry to come, yet again to ask for help..." He seems shy, blushing even as Brutus slams heavy paws onto your scrubs. Attempting and failing to lick at your face as you scratch his ears.

"Ah Mr. Takahashi, it is no worry at all. What seems to be the problem?" The giant grey dog presses more weight agaisnt your strong frame threatening to topple you over.

"I...I..." His cheeks flush further as you look over the man who must be two years your senior. He never trips over his words when he speaks to Yumi. You watch his facial expression change as if he suddenly remembered why he was at your practice.

"I think he may have swallowed part of his bone. He just ch..chews on it so quickly I cannot turn my back for a second. I saw part of it was missing and got worried." You activate your quirk, watching the dog play with the tire toys you recommended two weeks ago before watching Mr. Takahashi pat Brutus on his boxy head.

*"Let's go for a walk boy!"* You watch him walk and he accidentally ends up here before you blink switching from the past to the present so you can see what truly is.

Only the best dog food digests in his stomach as his intestines work normally, nothing lodging in them nor his throat.

He barks for a treat and you oblige giving him a biscuit before you turn to your accident, worrisome customer.

"Worry not as he hasn't eaten anything he shouldn't have! You may want to get going. He's going to have to make a pit stop on the way home." You wink as Takahashi blushes furiously signing away at the clip board before the giant grey dog catches sight of something outside. Rushing for the bustling city dragging his owner along.

The bell chimes over head at his departure as you sink onto the counter pressing the heels of your palms into your eyes until you see stars.

"I'm about to clock out. Is there anything else you need from me?" Yumi asks as she locks up the filing cabinet. You shake your head no while her soft hands collect her jacket to fight against the biting cold.

Still pressing the heels of your palms into your eyes you groan loudly into your empty office.

"Uuugghhhh."

"Rough day huh?" A smooth voice asks causing you to jump out of your skin. Vision still blurred from the abusive pressure. As you blink away the fuzzy galaxy you have created a fine creature stands before you.

Tall and brooding as he always is, Nozomi hops from his shoulder onto the counter. Your eyes follow the movement and spy two cups of coffee.

"Ah you didn't..." You blush furiously as you stare down at what has to be a cell phone number. "Wh...what's this?"

"Its my number *silly*. How else am I supposed to send you cute pictures of Nozomi?" He mocks your usually playful tonewith a cat smile plastered on his lips before he leans closer pressing a small kiss to your forehead. He leaves you stunned as you rack your brain for memories or signs that he likes you.

"Well you can visit as often as you'd like." He scoops up Nozomi with one hand and his coffee cup with the other before he gives you a toned back.

It's only after the bell has chimed overhead, leaving his retreating silhouette does it all come back to you.

His scar.

The taste of smothering smoke pushes down your throat as your mind dredges up memories long lost to trauma.

Of strong cloth pulling you out before strong arms wrap around your waist as you faded in and out.

A shaking hand pressing up to a handsome soot covered face as you caress softly.

*"Like an endless night sky..."*

Your breathing hitches as you claw at your throat, the burns on your shoulders screaming from the memory of your 21st birthday five whole years ago.

Of the night you died in his arms.

And then came rushing back clawing through the zipper of a black bag with no recollection of the night before.

Only the distant memory of smoke and endlessly stunning starless nights.

#bnha x reader #aizawa x reader #aizawa x you #aizawa x y/n #bnha valentine #kitten valnetines day event!#ask kitten #bnha imagine #bnha fluff #aizawa shouta #bnha aizawa

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