#I just feel like if rain got social media all the posts r just this shit

[why-so-serious-lucifer]

K-pop Discography Deep Dives: Jonghyun

Since this is a very special review, I wanted to start off not with my “credentials” or with a disclaimer but with a story. I’ve been a casual k-pop fan since early 2019 and a deeper fan since March of the year after, when I discovered Red Velvet. In late November of 2020, during lockdown, I lost one of the people I loved most in the world. I was still a teenager (barely younger than Jonghyun was when he debuted in SHINee), and I felt alone and isolated, and I became depressed. And just three weeks later, on December 18th, I was scrolling on social media when I came across posts memorializing Jonghyun. I had heard him mentioned, through Yeri of RV, but had never taken the time to listen, and I finally did.

I saw people mourning, people celebrating, and most of all, people remembering. The k-pop world had just lost two more idols to suicide, Sulli and Hara, and the messages surrounding mental health had never been stronger. It was this that got through to me, like a lightbulb going off, and I went, “Shit, I think I have depression.” And I started taking medication. Now, I’m not going to credit him with saving my life because I have no idea what would’ve happened, but I try to continue what he did for me. But all I can do is what all of us can do, which is remember who he was, respect the art he created, and continue the great advocacy he started. So, in this review, I’m trying to do all three, and I’d love it if you came along with me.

Crazy (Guilty Pleasure) is first on the list, and immediately had me feeling nostalgic. There’s something about his voice that’s so instantly recognizable, and a song like this that oscillates between his more subdued style and the strong emotions of the chorus fits it so well. Surprisingly, I enjoyed the rap, probably because of the vocalizing behind it, which helped it blend in seamlessly. On the whole, I liked this one! Its strings and immaculate sense of drama reminded me of Taylor Swift’s Don’t Blame Me.

Deja Boo begins with Jonghyun’s classic sound of smooth R & B and his crooning voice. I enjoyed the constant starting and stopping of the instrumental, as it made what could be a boring song far more interesting, and while I’m not usually a fan of rapping or choruses so heavy on vocalizing, I actually liked both here, since they felt like they were there because they fit the song and not because someone thought that they “should” be. The “Okay, next” at the end gave me a good chuckle

It’s a testament to how strong this first EP is that, before this deep dive, I had no idea which of these songs were actually the title track. Beautiful Tonight’s distinctive whistling hook, Hallelujah’s beautiful gospel choir back-up, and Love Belt’s gentle words (and references to a real car accident that Jonghyun was in) all do something unique with what could be such simple R & B melodies, ensuring that the piece feels cohesive but never same-y. My favorite was definitely Neon, though, whose funky catchiness snuck up on me, and I ended up replaying it twice.

End Of A Day has always been one of my favorite singles of Jonghyun’s, and I’m not alone. There are few songs as heartfelt, and led by only his quiet, comforting voice and a gentle piano, it feels like a warm hug from someone you love. Telling the listener to “lean on my shoulder” and “let me cheer you up”, it features Jonghyun at perhaps his most earnest. I paused what I was doing for a few minutes just to appreciate the peace that this one radiates, and take a deep breath in and out.

The Collection “Story Op.1” is so called because it was written by Jonghyun based on the stories the listeners of his radio show Blue Night confided in him; it’s a very special album for that reason, because it truly feels like a group effort between him and fans. I enjoyed U & I’s sprightly piano, interesting percussion, and cozy guitar, Diphylleia Grayi’s gorgeously sad lyrics and strings, the falling rain sound effects and comfortable energy of 02:34 (which I think was my favorite), and the interpolated phone conversation in Maybe Tomorrow. This is one of my favorite albums of his, and has some of his most excellent imagery.

She Is, despite being super popular, is not a song of his I’ve listened to much. It leans more into funk and is lighter than his other singles (Crazy, End Of Day, Lonely, and Shinin’), being about having a crush. It’s a nice break from the sadder and darker aspects of his discography, and it’s also really catchy. I even liked the sing-talk aspects, though my favorite part was definitely the vocalizing in the post-choruses.

From the She Is album, I liked the “you, you, you” and finger-snapping in White T-Shirt, the ethereal quality of Moon, the layers of falsetto vocalizing in Aurora, the intentional vocal fry and minimalistic background of Cocktail, the sped-up quality of Red, and the vulnerability in Suit Up.

I admit that when listening to the She Is album, a part of me had forgotten the reason I was doing this review in the first place, but Lonely had me remember immediately. Lonely is, in hindsight, both gut wrenching and haunting, with its lyrics about feeling isolated and alone. It’s a beautiful song, don’t get me wrong—the piano is so lovely and Taeyeon and Jonghyun’s voices work beautifully together, each making the other sound richer—but it’s one of those tracks that you just can’t listen to more than once in a while.

The Collection “Story Op.2” follows where the first collection left off, with more stories inspired by the callers on his radio show. I enjoyed the calm guitar of 1000 and the gentle groove of Just Chill, but Let Me Out has been one of my favorite songs since the first time I heard it. It’s one of the most genuine, gripping, painfully open k-pop ballads I’ve seen, and it never fails to make me want to reach through the screen and say “No.”. Overall, though, this album is definitely a more subdued and peaceful album, although I might be imagining more melancholy with the benefit of hindsight.

Less than eight months after the release of his second collection was, again, December 18th, 2017. It’s a day that’s become so infamous that in the k-pop community just saying “December 18th” will likely get your message across. It gives me no joy to say that he had a plan; his last album, Poet | Artist was released just a month after he left the world; a final gift to the fans who had watched him grow up for both so long and not nearly long enough.

Shinin’ is the single from the album, and uses a glowing, minimalistic electronic synth background that expands with some percussion in its choruses. Jonghyun’s voice is at some of its smoothest here. It’s one of those songs that’s happy and sad at the same time, and its happiness feels…muted? It’s hard not to be emotional when the song ends with “always be with you, you, you.” Without the story behind it, it’s a simple love song. With it, it’s a promise that he’s managed to keep for the last six years. I do admit that I got a good laugh out of the super 80’s animation, though.

Before Our Spring wasn’t intended to be a single, but after his passing, SM Entertainment decided to make it a tribute video for him. It follows in the footsteps of End Of Day, as it’s a peaceful, piano-led ballad, but undeniably heartbreaking: “Before spring comes, before the sun rises, I’ll meet you when everyone is asleep. I’m okay, don’t worry, spring will come to me too.” I hope it does. Depending on the day, sometimes I listen to it and feel comforted, and sometimes I listen to it and just feel heartbroken. Thankfully, watching it with the video made it just a little easier. It’s good to hear him laugh.

Poet | Artist is Jonghyun’s last, posthumous album, and is one of his strongest. I loved the disco-y synths of Only One You Need, the tongue-in-cheek humor of #Hashtag, the chorus’ explosion in Grease, the ethereal encouragement in Take The Dive, the brighter and funkier delivery of Sightseeing, and the quietly anthemic quality of Just For A Day.

My top 5 songs from Jonghyun are End Of Day, Only One You Need, Take The Dive, Hallelujah, and U & I, with Neon and Let Me Out as honorable mentions. Jonghyun’s work gets a 9.25 out of 10 from me, which is probably about as surprising as TWICE announcing a comeback. In all seriousness though, I know that I’m super biased, but hey, we started with a sob story and that’s how we’re going to end.

I can’t really put into words the feelings I have about this review. Writing it has reminded me how grateful I am, not only that I found Jonghyun and his story, not only that I became a Shawol, but that I became a k-pop fan in general. As Jonghyun wrote in his book (which I haven’t been able to find a full English translation of yet, but I’m still trying), “Even though we can’t communicate using the same language, we use music instead.”

Jonghyun broke boundaries in k-pop, with his openness, his self-producing, his prolific writing, and his advocacy. Both our community and the world as a whole was very lucky to have him for as long as we did, which still wasn’t nearly long enough. He changed the lives of so many people—he changed mine, without me even knowing who he was at the time he passed away—and overall, he made the world just a little easier for everybody else, no matter how hard it was for himself. All this is to say, he did very, very well.

I’ll be taking a break next week because it’s the holidays, so I’ll see you again in the new year for a girl group, folks. Thank you so much for reading, and please, take care. Tschüss, und Fröhliche Weihnachten (Happy Holidays)!

#k-pop #review #k-pop deep dive #k pop boy groups #Jonghyun #SHINee #Onew #Taemin #Minho #key #shining #Shinin #let me out #lonely #end of day #she is #depression #tw: suicide mention #Spotify

[seiwas]

Sel, hiiiiii 🤍 hope you're having a lovely day!

I was wondering more about col couple and i'm curious what do lovebirds do together in their day to day lives now that both of them can be at peace after everything that has happened? Do you think they'd have mini versions of themselves sometime in the future? (Ignore this if it's something uncomfy for you ^^)

Anyhow, i keep going back to re-read them over and over, it's just so captivating and my favourite thing yet so i love you so so much for creating this, you're also such a lovely individual here !! 🤍😭

tina darling!!! hiiii 🥹 i’m so touched that you’re re-reading omg??? 😭 pls i am sending u cookies and love mails!!! thank u so much for reading!! and u always say i’m a lovely person, but i hope u know that u are too!!! 😭 i hope you’re having the most beautiful day as well ❣️

i’m so touched that u’re thinking abt the col couple, they’re on my mind all the time too 🤧, thank u for asking this!!! 🥹

hmmm what do they do in their day-to-day now that everything’s more settled…

sorcerer work is still there, although a lot less!! and they handle a lot more on the admin side of things now (which i vaguely mention in the collection i think!)

satoru’s trying really hard to be a better partner 🥹 (whatever ‘better’ means, he’s just whipped!!! wants reader to feel all that he feels for em 🥹) & reader doesn’t ask for it, but he does all the cheesy things!! anniversary plans, those date ideas you can find on tiktok or ig reels, and he searches the top 10 romantic places for a picnic but forgets to check the forecast so it rains that day 🥹🤧😭

he tries to vlog some of it too!! for the ~~memories (and lowkey for the clout…) and posts it on his socials!! (yuuji leaves the sweetest comment and megumi gives a thumbs down 🤧) & it booms for a while but reader starts getting hate from like… 13 year olds… (he becomes a social media heartthrob unfortunately 😔) so he takes it down 😭 (and also—he sees comments on how hot reader is, some of them kind of… 😳, and he’s jealous so. nope. for his eyes only from now on!)

reader spends a lot more time w the students, or former students now, really & reader likes picking up new hobbies all the time!! trying out new things!! so there’s a rotation of the people that join in 🥺 (pottery with megumi, cooking with inumaki, yoga with yuuji (gojo joins in…. 👀🤨), dance with nobara 😭 and more!!!)

and!!! they move in together 🥺 officially 🥺 and his office is now theirs, also officially 🥹

would you all be interested in me writing more pieces on stuff like this for ‘conversations on love’? 😳

talks of children, kids, parenting, etc. under the cut

i don’t mind talking abt them having kids at all!! but thank you for being so thoughtful tina 🥺

i do love me a good papa!gojo 🥺 and i think reader would make such a loving parent too 🥺 so i can totally see it happening with them!! but!!! i don’t think it’s a priority, or something they actively think about/plan to happen 🥺

there’s definitely a lot of reluctancy with it (on both ends actually) —given that they’ve had a bit of experience with megumi and tsumiki despite being kinda thrust into it back then— they’d be more careful and conscious about it now, that if they do decide on mini-me’s, they want to be sure they can be present, in a world that’s safe and right to raise their own children 🥺

sorry this got so long!! but i hope i answered all your questions 🥹

@stellamancer tagging u here bc col couple is urs as much as they r mine 💘

#sometimes i think that bc each main piece in the collection focuses on a specific theme #lil snippets and extra moments like this might feel out of place? #or uninteresting? #but!!! if you’d all like me to expound on moments like this i’d love to write it too 🥺 #sorry this got so long!!! #i talked so much agAIN #I JUST LOVE TALKING ABT THEM PLS 🤧 #col tag #aaaaaaaahhh #liishook #im so soft after this !!!!!!! #ask #rep #love mail #shotorus.feedback

[helenaheissner]

Love During Robot Fighting Time: Chapter 16

Hello, lovelies! Hope y'all are doing well :)

Don't forget you can read three chapters ahead on this story, twenty chapters ahead on "A Dream of Summer Rain", and two chapters ahead on "Magical Girl Exorcist Squad", by becoming a paid subscriber on my Substack or my Patreon!

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Thank you so much for your continued support of my work! Every little bit helps me to keep going :)

And now, back to our regularly scheduled nerdy romcom shenanigans!

***

Kate

Zeke and I ate dinner together again the next night, and the next night, and the next, and the next. Our second dinner we just went and got pizza, then took in a movie. Our third saw us eating at my place, while my parents playfully interrogated the young man as to his intentions towards me. Our fourth was at his place, and Faith was in attendance- mostly because she was the one who cooked for us. It was a delicious meal of grilled chicken sandwiches with a homemade cobb salad on the side. I didn’t realize she was the one doing that for us until I arrived and the food had already been prepared, and I was wracked with guilt at the realization. The poor girl was bending over backwards to help me, and being nothing but nice to me… I tried to invite her to stay, but she slipped off somewhere before I could even finish the offer. 

We all had the week off from our respective fights, and none of us felt like going out, so we wound up spending Friday night all watching the fights together at my place. Jolly Roger, Tooth Fairy, Sparky-Sparky-Boom, and Ultimate Frisbee all took home victories. 

At the end of the night, as Zeke and Faith were getting ready to leave, Faith was scrolling on her phone and then paused with what looked to be a panicked expression all over her face. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked. Zeke was standing in the doorway, me at the base of the stairs, and Faith between us. 

“Um,” Faith said. “You’re trending on social media.”

“How’s that possible? I don’t have any social media accounts.”

“Well, um, someone tagged Zeke and I’s shared account with a photo that got posted,” she said. “And you’re in it.”

“What?” Zeke and I said simultaneously. 

She showed us, revealing a picture of Zeke and I leaving the Indian restaurant together that past Monday. Revealing me in all my trans glory to the entire internet without my consent. “Who the hell-”

“Olivia,” Zeke growled. 

“Let’s not jump to any conclusions,” Faith said. 

“Who tagged us in the photo?” Zeke said. 

“Let’s see here,” Faith said. “Who the heck is Eileen Portman?”

“Team Sparky-Sparky-Boom!” I said, grinding my teeth together. “They were at the restaurant on Monday night!”

“Goddammit,” Zeke said. 

“Okay, let’s not freak out,” Faith said. 

“Not freak out? Are you kidding me? This is the perfect time to freak out! That-that bitch! She’s my next opponent, she must have done this on purpose to rattle me! I’ll show her. I’ll crush her, I’ll-”

“Kate,” Zeke said. 

“What?!”

“You’re doing it again.”

“What do you mean?”

“It,” Faith said. “You’re doing it. Your hands are bunched together.”

I looked down, to see my hands had indeed balled into fists. “Oh.”

Zeke walked over to me, putting his hands on my shoulders. “It’s okay. I know you’re upset. I know this feels awful. But you’re better than this. You don’t have to play the game on their terms.”

I looked up at this man, at my man, and the anger evaporated, replaced by a cool serenity and simple clarity. “You’re right. I still have a week to figure out my response. That’s plenty of time.”

“Exactly,” Zeke said. “You can get out in front of this.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Faith said. “Own your narrative. There’s got to be some way for you to respond to this without slipping back into your old persona.”

I breathed in deep through my nose. “I think I have one idea.”

***

I popped my first Estradiol pill when I woke up on Monday morning, letting the blue-green tablet melt under my tongue. It had a curious texture to it as it slowly dissolved, and I wanted to say it tasted like sugar, but it didn’t really taste like anything. I wanted to say I could feel it changing me right away, but that was ridiculous. What it did make me feel right away, though, was relief. And… Joy. A clean, pure joy that sang through my entire being, every fiber grateful as I took my first step towards changing my body to what I wanted it to be.

I was on my way, physically and mentally. 

Now for the hard part. 

I did my makeup, put on a blue and white sundress and a pair of strappy sandals, put in my four hours at the store, and then climbed in my car and headed to Gaines Auto Body and Bodybuilding. 

I’d emailed Gaines’ social media publicists, Nadine, on Saturday morning, and we’d set up a meeting for the following Monday. I parked in the back of the shop and made my way in through the front, conscious of the dozens of ridiculously buff guys staring at me as I walked through the gym. Some were staring at me with recognition and contempt, others with bemusement, others with confusion, and one or two with naked lust. I wasn’t really sure what to do with it all, so I just kept my head down and powered through. 

I reached the back of the gym and knocked on a closed door, and when it opened, a young black woman with long, luscious braids and bold makeup stood on the other side. She was tall and slender, and wore big, horn-rimmed glasses over her brown eyes. She wore an orange shawl over a light blue tank top and darker blue jeans, while red converse all-stars adorned her feet. A diamond engagement ring rested on her finger, shining proudly even in the cheap, artificial radiance of the overhead light. “Hi!” she exclaimed, effortless enthusiasm pouring out of her. 

“Uh… Hi!” I said, doing my best to match her immense energy. 

“You’re Katherine, right?” she said, opening the door wider and gesturing me into the office. 

“Uh, Kate, but yeah, that’s me,” I said. Her office was carpeted, with teal-painted walls and sleek metal desk in the corner. A bi pride flag hung over the wall, along with a framed copy of a college diploma from CSU Long Beach that read ‘Nadine Palmer.’

“So, I got your email, and first off, I wanna say, I am so, so sorry that happened to you,” Nadine said, gesturing to the bean bag chair that sat in front of her desk as she traipsed over to the regular chair on the other side. Seriously, what was with this place and weird seating arrangements?

I sat down in the bean bag chair, surprised by how soft and comfy it was. “Thank you. I… I gotta be honest, I have no idea what to do now. I’ve never really been a social media person, but I know I want a new image going forward.”

“Tired of the whole ‘macho bravado’ thing, I take it?” She said, offering me a sympathetic look. 

“Yeah, it, uh… Well, it served its purpose,” I said. “And now it doesn’t, anymore.”

“I completely understand. My fiance, Greg, went through the opposite version of it.”

“How do you mean?”

She looked at me for a second. 

“Oh, he’s-”

“Yes, exactly,” she said. “Used to have no idea how to stand up for himself, the poor man. But people can change.”

“Absolutely,” I nodded. 

“So, I think we should start by building an Insta profile for you, something that makes you seem friendly and approachable, and take it from there. Sounds good?”

“Sounds great!”

“More broadly, though, do you have any idea what kind of gimmick you’d like to go for?” Nadine asked. 

“I… I don’t know yet,” I said. “Do you think… For now, we could just focus on the bare bones stuff, get me ready for my first big public appearance as myself?”

“Totally fine,” Nadine said. “Mind if I ask you a personal, transition related question?”

“Yeah, go ahead.”

“Have you started HRT yet?”

“Just took the first pill this morning,” I said. 

“Good, good. Here’s my pitch then: transition timeline. One photo of you every week, dolled up and looking gorgeous like you are now,” Nadine said.

I smiled. 

“Then we compile the timeline while the hormones work their magic slowly.”

“I like this plan!” I said. 

“Thought you would. Once you’re further along, we can decide on a more specific gimmick for you going forward. For now, though, who’s ready for a photo shoot?”

I mustered up my best smile. “I am.”

“That’s the spirit!” she said. 

***

The shoot flew by faster than expected, and so did the rest of the week as I finished repairs on Polyphemus in preparation for my fight. The bot was finished, ready inside my truck, and I sat in the driver’s seat in the parking lot, that damn parking lot where so much had happened to me, clutching the steering wheel with my seatbelt still fastened and the door still locked. 

“You okay?” Zeke said from the passenger’s side. He’d ridden in with me, while Faith and my parents were meeting us there. Zeke was originally going to do the same, but… He’d offered to keep me company on the ride over, and my heart freaking sang when he did. He’d been at my side through so much of this… Part of me wondered if I really deserved him. Part of me wondered if Faith deserved him more. 

But he wanted to be with me. He’d said as much. Granted, we’d both agreed to keep our relationship on the down-low at work, at least for the time being, but still… That he was there with me, to help prop me up, was amazing. “I’ve… Been better. Nervous, mostly. But I’ll be fine. Got all my repairs done before the match, got my outfit already-”

“You look gorgeous, by the way,” he said, gesturing to my black skirt and pink hoodie combination.

“Oh, stop,” I said, smiling bashfully and playfully waving my hand at him.

“Hey, just being honest,” he said. “My girlfriend looks gorgeous, I’m gonna tell her as much.”

My jaw dropped, but my lips slowly curved upwards into a smile as his words sank in. We both sat there a moment, a change in the atmosphere between us making itself readily apparent. “D-did… Did you just use the g-word?”

“Heh. I think so,” he said, scratching the back of his head. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. 

“I mean I just… We’ve been seeing each other pretty much nonstop for a few weeks now, we’ve made out a bunch of times, your dad even gave me the whole speech-”

“Yeah,” I said, warmth and giddiness exploding in me like a Fourth of July fireworks display. Girlfriend, I thought as euphoria and attraction swirled together. 

“If you’re not comfortable putting labels on it yet-”

I unbuckled my seatbelt, reached over, grabbed his face and kissed him. Our lips pressed together, his stubble scratching and tickling my carefully made-up face. I opened my mouth up further, pushing my tongue towards him, and after a nanosecond’s hesitation, he let it in. We Frenched for a few minutes, only the utmost willpower pulling me away from the magnetic connection that held the two of us together. I didn’t want to stop, but I knew if I didn’t, I’d be inviting him to tear off all my clothes. And putting aside the part where I wasn’t sure either of us were ready for that, it was a work night. 

“Okay,” I said, my voice breathy and girly, half-purr and half-whisper, my nose pressed against his. “I’m your girlfriend. You’re my boyfriend.” The euphoria and the giddiness tripled, quadrupled, quintupled. Everything felt clear and simple and right, as if I’d unlocked some higher sense of understanding myself and him and the both of us together. Of how we were more together than we were apart. 

“Okay,” he smiled. 

I kissed him one more time for luck, and said, “Let’s light this candle.”

Zeke helped me wheel Polyphemus into the arena. The first two fights of the evening had already gone down, and I handed my intro monologue card to the appropriate person. They read off my speech and introduced me, with Derek and Marty making note of a few adjustments I’d made. 

“Well, it seems this is a season of change, Derek,” Marty said into the microphone. “First Faith Watanabe, and now Kate Calloway as well.”

“Exciting times we live in, Marty,” Derek said. “Wonder what other surprises Team Polyphemus has in store for us tonight. 

“AND IN THE RED CORNER,” came the next monologue, roared to life by our glorious master of ceremonies, “This bot, is DA BOMB! It’s got an EXPLOSIVE PERSONALITY, and it’ll spin your head RIGHT ROUND RIGHT ROUND! It’s SPARKY-SPARKY-BOOM!”

Mr. and Mrs. Portman stood across from me, both clapping along to their own applause. Their bot was… An interesting design. 

A bomb. It looked like a big black bomb, mostly spherical, but with a rotating horizontal spinner consisting of a massive saw blade wrapped around it. The nub at the top of it looked like a wick but was, in reality, a spout that shot fire. 

Fire-breather against fire-breather it was. 

We were led into our respective boxes while our bots were wheeled onto the floor of the arena. “Hey there!” Mrs. Portman called out to me from her box, a smile I couldn’t decide on the veracity of gleaming across her face. Her husband, for his part, had adopted a smug smirk. 

“Hi,” I said awkwardly. 

“Good luck tonight!” 

“Thanks, you too,” I said, my voice dipping low.

“Oops, be careful about that voice,” Mrs. Portman said. “There’s cameras and microphones everywhere, you know.”

“Yeah, I picked up on that when you posted me on Insta without my consent,” I snapped. 

“Oh please, I did you a favor- you had no exposure on any socials, it was time you made your big high society debut,” Mrs. Portman said. 

White hot anger flashed inside me like a lightning bolt. “Lady, where the hell do you get off-”

“ROBOTS! ACTIVATE!” screamed the mechanical announcer. 

Mrs. Portman punched her button and then gave me a mocking wave. 

“We’re finishing this conversation later,” I said. 

“I sure hope we are!” she smiled. 

I grunted. Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm. I punched the button, and the bot battle began. 

The thing with horizontal spinners was that they had a built-in defense system, provided they didn’t take any major hits before they achieved full speed. Which meant there was a limited amount of time before my attacks would stop being as effective. Normally, a simple weapon like my katana would be able to jam the spinning blades before they could get to full power. 

But I hadn’t brought my katana that night. For tonight, I’d gone with a throwback and attached the ax Polyphemus. It would slow me down, but coming at this opponent from above made more sense to me than an attempted shot to the proverbial heart. 

Sparky-Sparky-Boom was faster than it looked- it came charging at me right out the gate, Mr. Portman stoic and stern as he piloted the bot. I didn’t move, didn’t even attempt to pivot. I just waited, waited, waited-

I slammed the trigger on my ax as SSB closed the gap, and my ax pile-drived into my opponent’s spinning hacksaw. Their weapon shattered, sliced down the middle and torn off its axis. 

“OH WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT! KATE CALLOWAY HAS MADE A BRUTAL OPENING STATEMENT WITH A CRUSHING BLOW, DISABLING SPARKY-SPARKY-BOOM’S PRIMARY WEAPON WITH A SWING OF THE AX!” Marty screamed. 

“Nice shot, ‘girly,’” Mrs. Portman said, adding air quotes to the final word. Jerk. “Can you handle the heat, though?”

With that, her husband barrelled forward and rammed me the second I’d withdrawn my ax, pouring on the heat from its fire-spout as it used its greater weight to simply push me towards the screws. 

Dammit!

I slammed the trigger on my ax again, hoping to power it up quickly, all while trying to get myself out of SSB’s terrible momentum, but it none of my controls moved fast enough, and the next thing I knew I was shoved directly into the rotating screws as the blades took chunks out of Poly’s backside. Dammit! 

Ten seconds elapsed, and SSB was forced to back off. 

Mrs. Portman said something, with that smug grin plastered to her face as she worked the controls on her flamethrower, but I didn’t hear it. I didn’t care what it was. I couldn’t tell if she was being serious or if she was just playing the heel like I always had. And I didn’t care about that, either. I just knew I wanted to win. 

I flanked left around the bomb-shaped bot, taking advantage of its weight and slow turn time, bathing it in flames from both my flamethrowers while my ax got itself ready. SSB kept trying to turn, and I let myself slow down just an instant. 

SSB shot straight for me, and I pivoted Poly and brought the ax down on them again, slamming it directly into their flamethrower and setting loose a small explosion as a spark lit against the leaking fuel. I pried my ax free and went on the retreat, while SSB, wobbling on its axis, crawled towards me, hoping to ram me again. 

I tried the same trick again, but my ax wasn’t working- dammit, the fire must have disabled the controls! SSB rammed me, pushing me towards the rising kill saws in the center of the box, and all I could do was pour on the fire as the larger bot shoved me around like a ragdoll. 

I spewed fire, fire, fire, until finally, SSB started to smoke in all the wrong places and its engine gave off a sickly, wheezing, sputtering sound. It slowed down, slower, slower, slower. Half an inch from the kill saw behind it, Poly managed to stop SSB in its tracks, bringing the bomb-shaped bot to a halt entirely. 

Once the kill saws went down, I drove out of the way, and the countdown started as SSB found itself entirely stationary. 

“-3, 2, 1- that’s the fight!” the ref decreed as the alarm sounded and the crowd went wild. 

I was half-tempted to do my usual fist-pump, to scream and jeer, to make a big stupid macho display of myself… But I didn’t want that. So instead, I gave a simple curtsey and then ambled over to the interview. 

“So, Kate Calloway, two wins in a row, and this the first one as the new you,” Derek Benes said into the microphone. “Did everything go according to plan tonight?”

“Oh, there was no plan,” I admitted, scratching the back of my head and laughing awkwardly. “I’d never faced the Portmans before, I was mostly just winging it. Except for the ax, that was planned, but even then I had to improvise.”

“Anything to say to your upcoming opponents now that you have a winning record? The regular season is winding down, and you’re still gonna need another win to make it into the tournament.”

I looked for words within, looked for a version of my usual bullshit that wouldn’t give me dysphoria. Maybe… Maybe I should just try to do the opposite of what I would normally do. What was the worst that could happen?

“Just that I’m really looking forward to fighting each and every one of you,” I said with the sincerest smile I could muster. “May the best bot win!”

Derek bid me farewell, and I pulled the sledge carrying my bot into the pits. Half of the wires were fried, and the ax was gonna need sharpening, and I’d gone through a month’s worth of flamethrower fuel in the span of three minutes, but… But dammit, I’d won, and I hadn’t made an ass of myself for a change. I was proud of myself. 

It was a new feeling. 

“Hey there,” Mrs. Portman said as she walked up to me. 

Crap. This was gonna be difficult. 

“Hi,” I managed. 

“Good fight,” she said.  “It was.”

“Don’t think you’ll win a second time, though,” she said, that passive-aggressive smile never leaving her face. “I underestimated you tonight. It won’t happen again.”

“Well, hopefully you trying to dox someone on social media won’t happen again either,” I said, planting my feet and putting my hands on my hips.

“I’d hardly call what I did doxxing-”

“Maybe not, but I wouldn’t call it a good thing to do, either.”

“Oh please, I did you a favor.”

I scowled. “A favor? You call that a favor?”

“Yeah,” she said, folding her arms behind her back. “Forced your hand and made you think about how you present yourself, carry yourself. Given that you’ve clearly never spared a moment’s thought to that before this past week, I’d say I did you a favor.”

I gritted my teeth. Unbelievable; this jerk was trying to turn this around on me. I bunched my fists together, feeling the screams coming from deep within my belly. 

Then I felt a hand on my shoulder from behind. “I think what she’s trying to say is that she would have appreciated you asking her before you did something like that,” Zeke said, putting his arm around me and standing by my side. 

A fluttering joy sang through me as I stood with him, as he protected me, as he helped me protect the person I wanted to be. 

“Hm. Well, agree to disagree,” Mrs. Portman said as her husband came over and stood beside her. 

The four of us all glared at each other, until finally, I started laughing. The Portmans stared at me in confusion and irritation for a moment, and then Zeke started laughing too. The Portmans left while Zeke and I kept standing there laughing like idiots.

Faith approached us from the back entrance and said, “Uh, what are you two laughing about?”

“Oh, just how ridiculous this all is,” I said. 

“And how ridiculous those two are,” Zeke said. 

“And how ridiculous I am,” I said. 

“Hey now, come on, what did you say about being mean to yourself?”

I exhaled heavily. “That I’d do it less?”

“Yes, exactly. You won tonight, and you had a successful debut. We should celebrate.”

“Sounds great!” I said. I turned to Faith and said, “You wanna come with?”

She hesitated, but finally said, “No, I don’t think so.”

“Are you sure?” Zeke asked. 

“I’m sure,” she said, heading for the exit. “I’m gonna go home and get some sleep. You two have fun though!”

She smiled, and she waved, but as she left, I couldn’t help but notice the sadness in her eyes. 

#original fiction #serial fiction #web novel #trans woman #trans protagonist #wlw #comedy #romcom #romance novel #romantic comedy #enemies to lovers #enemies to friends to lovers #rivals to lovers #battlebots #tournament arc #indie author #bookblr #self promo

[queenshelby]

The Last Semester – Part 19

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Words: 1,192

Warning: Pregnancy Mentioned

Prior Parts: https://queenshelby.tumblr.com/post/659848352665600000/pairing-cillian-murphy-x-reader-words

After you received the somewhat strange message from Cillian and nothing else, you decided to drive over to his house not knowing that his boys were staying with him for the weekend.

You were sad, upset and angry about the way he behaved and, of course, you didn’t know that it wasn’t him who sent the message to you.

After you pulled into his driveway and rang the doorbell, he opened the door and stepped outside.

‘I can’t talk now Y/N, the boys are inside’ Cillian said almost surprised that you came to his place unannounced.

‘Why are you doing this to me?’ you asked, upset and angry.

‘Come on, not here’ Cillian said, grabbing the key from the sideboard inside the hallway and closing the door behind him before walking around the back of the house with you into his studio.

‘What the fuck is wrong with you? Sending me this message after you haven’t bothered to make contact with me for two weeks. Are you delusional?’ you shouted with anger as he closed the door behind you.

‘I am sorry Y/N. I don’t know what had gotten into me’ Cillian said, not wanting to tell you the truth about his son getting hold of his phone.

‘I just needed to think about this, about us’ he then said, somewhat confused and unsure whether he should be saying anything at all.

‘I am not doing this anymore Cillian. I am through with this, with you. I honestly am. You are 45 years old and are acting like a child’ you huffed out.

‘Exactly, I am 45. I am fucking 20 years older than you Y/N. How do you think this is going to work out, eh? I can guarantee you that, in about five years, you will be sick of this. I can’t risk that regardless of the feelings that I have for you’ Cillian responded somewhat frustrated.

‘Do you really trust me that little, thinking that I can’t commit to our relationship?’ you then asked somewhat saddened.

‘Y/N, I just think you need to be with someone your own age. I shouldn’t have gotten involved with you to start off with. It was a mistake’ Cillian then said, thinking back at your father’s words and even what his mother had told him after reading the article.

‘I was a mistake. Yeah, thanks’ you said before turning around, tears running down your face.

‘That’s not what I meant’ Cillian said, taking hold of your arms, realising what he had just said to you.

‘Don’t touch me. Fuck’ you growled, hormonal and full of anger.

‘Y/N, I love you. It just isn’t going to work’ Cillian then said and you were quick to shut him off once again, knowing that this wasn’t going anywhere until Cillian became to realise that the social perceptions about your relationship and the obstacles you were facing didn’t matter if your bond was strong.

‘I need to go’ you then quickly huffed out and Cillian gave you a quick nod, his eyes teary and his mind struggling with the thought of letting go of you once and for all, thinking that it was the right thing to do.

***

When you arrived back home, you were in tears and your father was quick to ask you what had happened.

‘Well, you got what you wanted all along. Cillian realised that getting involved with me was a mistake’ you huffed out, at which point your stepmother looked at you rather concerned.

‘Y/N, he is right though. It was never going to work out. You are at two different stages of your lives’ your father said almost relieved in a way. Yet, you could tell that his mind was elsewhere.

‘Yeah, perhaps one of your other friends is more suitable’ you said sarcastically, knowing that your father’s argument with Cillian had something to do with Cillian’s change of mind. But of course, you didn’t know all of the reasons behind it. You didn’t know about Cillian’s agent having been in his ear for months nor did you know about Cillian’s ex wife’s numerous stunts since she found out about you.

Instead of responding to your somewhat inappropriate comment, your father bit his tongue. He didn’t say anything. In fact, he spoke neither to you nor to your stepmother Lorraine for the remainder of the evening.

***

The following day, at around 8 o’clock, when you spent the first night in your new apartment in Dublin, you got a call from your stepmother asking whether you knew where your father was.

‘A few weeks ago, before everything turned to shit, Cillian mentioned that his friend Enda was visiting Dublin for a few days this month. Maybe he is having a drink with him at the pub?’ you said, unsure where else he could be.

‘Well, usually he tells me if he goes out and doesn’t come home for dinner’ she said somewhat worried, but you didn’t know what to tell her.

***

Around the same time when your stepmother called you to enquire about your father’s whereabouts, Cillian heard a loud knock on the door.

‘Hey’ your father said, slightly drunk as Cillian opened the door and their friend Enda, who was staying at Cillian’s house for a few days, walked through the hallway.

‘Hold on, I will get my camera before you start beating each other up. I am going to cash in at the Courier Mail if I get a good picture’ Enda chuckled as Cillian was lost for words, surprised to see your father at the door.

‘I am not here to pick a fight. I am here because I want to have some drinks with my friends’ your father said and, just as he did, Cillian asked him to come inside and handed him a beer.

‘Are you alright? You don’t look so good man’ Cillian said as the three of them sat down in the living room.

‘I am fine. You?’ your father asked politely, but already knowing the answer to his question.

‘Fine’ Cillian said following which there was an awkward silence between the three of them.

‘How are the boys?’ your father then asked.

‘Fine. I can see them again, at least’ Cillian said.

‘Of course, your ex withheld contact again when you and Y/N were seeing each other’ your father said, knowing that it wasn’t the first time that this has happened.

‘Let’s not talk about Y/N please. I have a media engagement tomorrow and need my face intact’ Cillian chuckled.

‘Sorry about that man. I was angry’ your father said, causing Cillian to nod.

‘I deserved it’ Cillian said briefly before Enda quickly changed the topic.

‘So, how is Lorraine? How are your boys?’ Enda then asked.

‘Lorraine, my fucking wife, I think she is cheating’ your father huffed out causing Enda and Cillian to look at him with surprise.

‘What makes you think that?’ Cillian then asked.

‘I fucking found this in the trash. She is fucking pregnant’ your father then said as he pulled the pregnancy test out of his jacket and put it onto the living room table.

‘You lost me there, man. Couldn’t the baby be yours?’ Enda asked somewhat flustered.

‘I had a vasectomy four years ago man’ your father said.  

Tag List:

@lilymurphy03 @deefigs @theflamecrystal @desperate-and-broken @weepingstudentfishhorse @livinginfantaxy @rosey1981 @atomicsoulcollecto @peakyboyslover @nerdy4itall@elenavampire21 @hanster1998@mariapaiva13 @fairypitou @harry-is-my-sunflower @zozeebo @lauren-raines-x @kasaikawa @littlewierdalien @sad-huffle-nerd @theflamecrystal @peakymalfoyscullymulder @themissthang@0ghostwriter0 @stylescanbeatmyback @1-800-peakyblinders @datewithgianni @momoneymolife @ntmynouis @lilymurphy03 @mcntsee@cloudofdisney @missymurphy1985 @peakymalfoyscullymulder @otterly-fey @janelongxox @uchihacumdump @basiclassy @being-worthy @chaotic-bean-of-smolness @margoo0 @chocolatehalo @vhscillian @ysmmsy @littlewierdalien @crazymar15  @stickyknightflowerbailiff @im-constantly-fangirling @goldensunflowe-r  @tellingyouastory  @captivatedbycillianmurphy​  @namelesslosers​  @littlewhiterose​  @ttzamara​  @ttzamara @cilleveryone  ​

@severewobblerlightdragon​  @ysmmsy​  

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@l0tsofpennies @trolleydolly @avonlady1985 @chrisevanshoeee @daydreamingnymph @fookingshelby  @thenattitude  

#cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy #Cillian Murphy x Reader #cillian murphy imagine

[dailysvu]

OLIVIA BENSON APPRECIATION WEEK will be hosted by @dailysvu and will be taking place on May 23 — 29

We will be tracking the tag #Benson Week. You can also tag us on #dailysvu!

To save up time, we've decided to pick the themes ourselves based on some new ideas and a few recurring prompts we got in the past events.

Prompts for Artists (gifsets, graphics, moodboards, wallpapers, etc):

Day 1 (Sunday, May 23): The moment you fell in love with Olivia Benson

Day 2 (Monday, May 24): Seasons (Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter)

Day 3 (Tuesday, May 25): Emotion (angry Olivia, happy Olivia, sad Olivia, etc)

Day 4 (Wednesday, May 26): Olivia + a color (or colors)

Day 5 (Thursday, May 27): Favorite thing about Olivia

Day 6 (Friday, May 28): Olivia + an aesthetic 

Day 7 (Saturday, May 29): Social media

Bonus Prompt: Olivia + a pet

Prompts for Writers (fanfiction, drabbles, headcanons, metas, etc):

Day 1 (Sunday, May 23): Dancing

Day 2 (Monday, May 24): Sleepy

Day 3 (Tuesday, May 25): Jealous

Day 4 (Wednesday, May 26): Injured

Day 5 (Thursday, May 27): Lost

Day 6 (Friday, May 28): Rain

Day 7 (Saturday, May 29): Driving

Bonus Prompt: "I wasn't ready"

The Bonus Prompt is just for the fun of it. You can choose to do it after the seven main prompts or you can use it to replace one of the themes of the day of your choice.

As always, you can have as many entries per date as you wish. If you want to write a fanfiction and make a gifset, a fanart and a playlist, or any combination of anything, just do it. The more the merrier.

How to submit your creations: post them to your blog and tag them with #Benson Week and we will reblog them. Simple as that.

REMEMBER: You can’t post your creation(s) earlier, but you can post them later. So if you are gonna mix up the themes, post on the date of the latter.

Also you can make things for every day or just pick the one(s) you like the most. No pressure.

We can’t wait to see what you guys have planned!

The week will officially begin on May 23.

HERE’S THE FAQ

RULES & GUIDELINES

If you have any questions at all feel free to send us a message!

Have fun and ENJOY!

#Olivia Benson #SVU #Law and Order SVU #Benson Week #dailysvu #mod post

[cloveroctobers]

• TALIA NASCIMENTO•

IG info/bio: @/callmetalia333 | 524k followers | Journalist | TALIA. but u may have formerly known me as user: brdf0rdsvasquiff—rip!!!1! so don’t even think about it 😌

(23) 25 going on (26) years of age

I’ve read a canon that her name is just Talia and not short for anything & I agree with that + she’s always quick to correct someone if they get it wrong too

Her hometown is Watford, England

but she was originally born in Maidenhead in the backseat of a car during a severe rainstorm

Nonetheless watford taught her all she needed to know when it came to music

She found her first love when she heard the sound of music soundtrack for the v first time as a young girl but is often nervous to admit that?

her father is Brazilian and is a firefighter

her mother is Bulgarian and works as a secretary in a elementary school

her mother is more traditional than her father when it comes to their cultures

I originally felt like she gave only child vibes but I can deff see her giving off big sis energy since she did mention she has a younger brother

V protective over her little brother

there’s a three year age difference

her parents have separated multiple times before which caused a riff in the family dynamic

The constant coming and going from her dad became quite irritating

And Talia was the most vocal by wanting them to figure it out and NOT get a divorce

Which led to talia’s commitment issues when it came to relationships herself

was born with blue eyes yet they shifted to brown once she grew

“Tom-boy” growing up & still is

netball was her sport and man was it something to see her play?! She was quick on her feet and can definitely shoot far-range with ease

Always down for contact sports too

She lost count how many bruises and scrapes she would come home with much to her mother’s horror but she would always brush it off—it was never that big of a deal to her

yet she takes time in healing her scars with homemade treatments or purchases from beauty stores when she wants to show her legs off

she didn’t get into “girly” wear until recently, she never thought too much of her body or when she started to get curves...she always hid that behind big tee’s, fitted jeans, and kicks—that’s what she was used to

she’s got broad shoulders and toned arms

had thick bushy brows that almost formed a uni brow growing up

her mother used to have her hair always plaited since she is very superstitious, believing that “the devil lives in the woman’s hair”

yet talia’s hair texture was much different than her mother’s, maybe due to the fact that her mother always had her hair up and out of the way? Talia’s hair is much bigger, heavier, and naturally curly

+ her mother used to say some harsh things in Bulgarian about her hair — that says a lot when you’re taught to hate your hair trust!!!

when she got a little older and able to manage her own hair + afford it, She learned how to love it herself and that’s all that mattered. Her hair became v important to her, it was her source of comfort

that’s the only thing she’s high maintenance about tbh

she spends a lot of money on her hair but devacurl can still piss off

diffusing is one of her fav things to do to her hair—besides washing it, and deep conditioning, after a night of letting her hair air-dry

loves rose jam

has a embroidery machine, along with a collection of her work but only one piece is showcased in her flat. She didn’t want her place to look completely like her bába’s (Bulgarian: grandmother)

her closet is filled with many Havaianas, they’re all piled up in a wicker basket and ready to tumble over on her top shelf... if she moves one of the ceramic pots her mother left in her flat for luck, that whole shelf might come crashing down

Swears drinking guaraná the next morning cures any hangover you may have

commonly sleeps in big t-shirts and panties or not or booty shorts depending on her time of the month—it’s freeing to her

Has torn her achilles due to whatever contact sport she decided to join in on during a beach vacation with her mates

has a touch of arthritis in her shoulder

this is where her love for massages came from due to injuries she’s faced

+ It’s always a good sign when you can make someone else feel better ya know?

She’s been told she’s great with her hands ;) it all takes practice

bi mami *cringe* but she likes what she likes, and feels what she feels

she kinda has a type but doesn’t want to admit that

her mother doesn’t understand this but her father easily accepted her preference/orientation

her little brother was the first she came out to, “alright!...you still suck”

always wants to fix situations WHEN it comes to HER friends but is oblivious when it’s come to her own issues whether its in relationships/friendships +

was called out by one of her friends who she often argues/butts heads with from time to time “you’re always sticking your nose in people’s business but can’t solve your own shit!”

maybe it’s the journalist in her? she’s not afraid to ask questions or look at things from a outside perspective

her group of friends are all from different ethnic backgrounds to Indian to Ethiopian

has been in and out of relationships...maybe had one stable relationship? Outside of mc but that relationship failed after a year and she feels it has something to do with her parents and how she watched their relationship unfold but won’t openly admit that

Doesn’t like to argue in relationships and often is a little undermining with how she responses to her partner’s feelings...she’s trying to be better at being understanding and listening, her mother is like this with her father

Aquarius girl + Scorpio moon + Taurus rising

loves the water + watching water sports rather than playing them since she almost drowned once by letting her confidence get the best of her

used to be a directioner and isn’t ashamed to admit that!

take me home album stan 100% bitch there’s no point in arguing!!! Buh bye!!!

She is ashamed however to admit that she used to write for them, mostly ziam fics with a touch of Harry thrown in the mix as well...take that how u will

has a few merch pieces as well, they’re mostly loungewear + that powdery perfume they dropped. YES she still has it, no she won’t sell it to u

still supports them on the low since you know, she’s a music journalist and reviewing songs is what she makes a living for so why the hell not? They will always hold a special place in her heart. She grew with those boys

she’s not in denial like Hannah that they’re get back together

If someone wants her to film a reaction vid to zayn’s new album or release a written review? She WILL. Her top 3? 1. When loves around ft Syd 2. Outside 3. Unfuckwitable

If someone wants to hear her thoughts on Harry’s mv’s + breaking down his lyrics, she’ll tell you what you NEED to know whether U agree or not she don’t give a damn lol

Can throw hands and stomp a bitch out if she needs too. Has gotten kicked out of clubs/bars for defending her friends mainly not because someone chatted shit to her, that’s whatever but once you cross her friends? It’s on

Allegra got lucky 🦶🏼☕️ and Lucy

remained super close with jake and tim as expected...Rohan’s cool too ofc! but she’s not here for their rapping shit sorry. She’ll hit them both with a quick side eye and snarl if they start or if jake wants to recite some poetry. She’s outta here

Talia hardly had issues making friends easily with the boys it was always harder with the girls :/

they hang out all the time!

she actually became close with sammi as well, which was nice to have another girl friend around even tho they weren’t together in the house long like the others. She’s spontaneous, cute, resourceful, and kind so talia had no issue reaching out to her first to see what she was about outside of the show

don’t even ask her about what she thinks of the new seasons, she’s not here to chat shit and have her words twisted like she’s watched many of the cast deal with. If you want to talk about the over kill use of pop as the soundtrack for each season, then yeah she’ll talk to you about that

doesn’t use social media much, she finds it funny how whenever she does pop back in people are begging her to post SOMETHING so that they know that she’s alive

Pretty private

she also can’t grasp why they want her to do the bussit challenge? Lmao like hey don’t get her wrong, some of them were pretty great but she’s barely got a bum to bounce and little booties matter ofc!!! but she can’t see herself doing it unless she’s drunk off her arse!!!

maybe mc can convince her...for the fans duh!!! “Give the ppl what they want! Talia! It’s not like you won’t be around music!” “I’ll think about it...nah.”

she’s been busier since the show, able to tour more and WRITE which is what she loves to do

Her secret pleasure is watching those nurse shows and firefighting shows in her free time and those singing shows you already know that’s a given

Wanted to be some form of a nurse growing up but knew she could help people in another way

*inserts* “music Is The best Medicine” overused but true quote here!!

I feel like she’s a r&b lover

listens to those hour long rain sounds on YouTube to help herself fall asleep

she‘s not the best cook but she’s a foodie and she’s down to try new food always

occasionally her and Tim are jake’s Guinea pigs when he’s whipping something up for his menu 

and hates eating the same things all the time unless it’s breakfast! There’s not too much more you can do with that

that’s also her specialty, making breakfast for u in bed

Morning afters with her are intimate but humorous. She’ll poke fun if you’re both looking crazy, always joking and in the best mood whether things got physical or not she’s just happy to have you here 🥲

I think her love language is quality time

if you’re playing her route and Lucy is the ex, and you’ve decided to fully commit to each other I deff see Lucy still trying to pull some shit outside of the show just because she feels like she can but once Talia see’s that it’s really starting to get to you despite how much you try to brush it off or snap at Lucy or even Talia!!! Talia is on Lucy’s ass in seconds! She doesn’t need a ex to ruin her possible future , “you’re not gonna fuck up this good thing I’ve got just cause you’re flimsy at relationships babe, so go be a cunt somewhere else or you’ll be sorry. I promise.”

anthem: Snow Tha Product — Shut up

#litg #litg talia #litg jake #litg Tim #litg Rohan #litg mc #litg oc #litg Hannah #litg3 #litg2 #litg moodboard #litg headcanon #litg headcanons #she’s my fav along with sammi and this is my first time getting to know sammi since I’m in talias route #I’m going to try and reduce these to not making them as lengthy lol #this has also sat in my draft for about a week now #litg sammi #litg Allegra #litg Lucy

[narniadreams]

very many tags that i’m sure nobody cares about (with songs and a quiz and facts about me if ur curious) 

tagged by the ever so lovely @trumpkinhotboy​

drop three completely different bands/artists u listen to

Super Junior (kpop)

Regina Spektor (anti-folk)

Flairck (dutch acoustic)

Stumbled upon this and decided to make it a tag game ! (this is so very accurate like how do quizzes know this !?) The socially awkward brains of the team // Socialization doesn't come easy to you. You might struggle to be heard or seen by the ones around you so you prefer to avoid it all together, as frustrating as it can be sometimes. For that reason you might be selective with the people you blend with, and at times it might seem that nobody will truly understand you. But when you find those who resonate with you, you're an extremely kind and loyal friend. Most importantly, you're smart, and people always value that about you. They will constantly rely on you, ask for your guidance and advice, and you're happy to provide it. You like being the reliable friend. You don't get crushes easily, but when you do you don't really know how to handle them. They feel overwhelming and like a waste of time. There's no way they like me back, is it? What if I ruin it? What if I'm reading way too much into it? Remember to relax enjoy the feeling once in a while, chances are that your crush sees that intelligent and kindhearted person everyone else seen in you as well

list 5 things about yourself you want your followers to know. they can be as simple as your age or as complex as your deepest fear, as long as it’s something you’re comfortable with sharing.

i haven’t been in love since the last 10 years and sometimes i am afraid that i will never fall in love with anyone ever again.

there was a period in my life where i really hated reading books. before, i loved reading, but when i was around 8 i started to dislike it, and i only ever read comic books or magazines or very short/easy books. when i got into my last two years of highschool (15/16 age-wise) we had to read 5 books each year, so i was forced to read. i kind of started to love it again and i read a lot of books easily. since then, i never hated reading books again hahaha.

i’m going to study in south-korea next month, so i won’t be able to go to my violin classes. it’s the first break i have ever taken since i started playing violin in 2007. 

when i really love a piece of media, i often remember quotes from it, and in a period of obsession, i will keep saying that quote over and over again for no reason. a while back i replayed heavy rain and i kept walking around saying: ‘’oh shit jack, ain’t nothing to it, just a little bit of self defense. page one of the police manual, kill or be killed.’’ at random moments. 

that being said, i love video games !! i’ve sometimes got surprised responses to that because people say i ‘don’t look like a gamer-girl’ whatever that’s supposed to mean????? just two days ago i started playing days gone and it’s been very stressful so far hahaha.

I saw one on the mcr side of my dash where you put a song title for every little of your url and I thought it would be fun

N - nella fantasia - il divo

A - angels - owl city

R - rockin’ the suburbs - ben folds

N - no other - super junior

I - idea - akmu

A - a case of you - joni mitchell

D - dream girl - shinee

R - resta qui - andrea bocelli

E - einstein’s idea - johnny flynn

A - après moi - regina spektor

M - mayday - victon

S - she - jannabi

RULES: post your top five favourite comfort characters

Samual Drake (Uncharted)

Edmund Pevensie (The Chronicles of Narnia)

Nagisa Hazuki (Free! Iwatobi Swimclub)

Hideyoshi Nagachika (Tokyo Ghoul)

Warren Graham (Life Is Strange)

hot shower or cold shower // texting or calling // earphones or headphones // paperback or hardcover // matte or gel // 12 hour clock or 24 hour clock // blue or green // sunsets or sunrises // tulips or orchids // candle light or moon light // sci-fi or horror // pen or pencil // pandas or koalas // gold or silver // sneakers or boots // denim jacket or leather jacket // pink or purple // wind chimes or dreamcatchers // chocolate or sour candy // deodrant or perfume // drive-in movie theatre or the cinema // pastel colours or neutral/earth tones // butterflies or honeybees // lemonade or iced tea // past or future // constellations or aurora borealis

cloud watching or stargazing // cherries or strawberries // messy room or tidy room // cooking or baking // blue pen or black pen // poetry or prose // loose clothes or fitted clothes // bookmark or dog-ear // orange or yellow // chocolate or red velvet // rings or necklaces // netflix or cinema // monsoon or autumn // late nights or early mornings // road trips or train/flight // candles or fairy lights // music streaming or record player // blinds or curtains // picnic date or carnival date // piano or violin // ice cream or frozen yogurt // museums or libraries // pancakes or waffles // cookies or brownies // moon or stars

there are more tags that i still have to do but this is it for now lol !! i tag anyone who reads this, no taking back >:)

#please click the song links if u want to listen to sum gud music :D #and please do whichever tag you want to do !! #another time i will do all the tags involving photos and such haha... someday... #(sorry i am so late) #about me

[sanchoyo]

Looks like you’re gonna have to gush some more cuz I meant in general uwu🌸

🌺😌🤟 Always happy to! Okay here’s just some General bnha Thoughts ™ Mostly Lov centric. You asked for them, and you said GUSH about them, so here’s. A Lot! :)

This isn’t a lov one but it’s really funny so I thought I’d put it out there:

-when bnha was first gaining traction on tumblr, it was all art of Tsuyu. I have no idea why. People were talking about the funky frog lesbian superhero anime. Maybe it was just the people I was following, maybe it was a general trend, but I LOVED her design!!! my fav color and frogs r super cute!!! And I already loved superhero media, so I was like. I’ll watch it. For Her. SO. FROPPY IS THE REASON I WATCHED/READ BNHA. I went in thinking she was the protag and I was sooo confused when Izuku was... tbh I still think it’d be more interesting if she was lmaooo aus where? ...seriously if anyone has good aus where this is the case send them LOL

-I don’t actually feel that bad abt what Shigaraki’s doing. I still feel bad for him. I’m this post. yes im an apologist. its not my fault hes sexy and has been running around shirtless. hes a lesbian icon like thor is. I want to touch his hair. hes never done anything wrong in his life. he could kill all might, deku, bakugo, whatever, I’d still be sayin this. I don’t feel bad for gt. like. was anyone genuinely attached to him? lmao

-well u know how spinner’s quirk is just sticking to things? We haven’t seen him use it in canon except like, (1) time iirc?? I think this is probably bc he’s embarrassed about it even in front of the league... I loooove the idea that he gets more comfortable with it around them :”) and also how shigaraki. um. does that falling asleep thing while standing up with his eyes open, canonly? (which I still love lmfao) Imagine someone in the league walking in a dark room, turning on the light n just seeing. Spinner upside down, stuck to the ceiling asleep bc heat rises and its Warmer Up There. (cold blooded thing like tsuyu?? come ON give him a big fuzzy coat and scarf...) and Shigaraki in the center of the room, slouched but still standing, eyes open and motionless. Theyre both sleeping. Whomever sees it just...slowly walks out. LMAO

-Toga roller derby au. No deep thoughts I just think she’d be good at it. 

-Toga 100% is a social butterfly and could befriend anyone if they didn’t just judge the fact she was trying to stab them smh :/ (ok but seriously anytime I see cute friendships with her n the other kids im like :) aw. I feel like her and Camie...would be good friends. Camie feels chill enough to be like ‘ok whatever thats totally fine I forgive you!!’ LMAO we love airheads here)

-HOW DID TOGA GET SO GOOD AT FIGHTING? We know she’s been on the run since middle school or so, but good enough to pin Deku down after he’s been formally trained at a ~hero school~ for a while? (she pinned him TWICE I think, once when his arms were messed up, but, the other time as Camie, so? AND THEN WAS ONE OF THE 100 PEOPLE TO GO THRU TO THE 2ND ROUND OF THAT? even tho she didn’t bc she had to leave) good enough to beat Aizawa in a fight and stab him? A professional hero and teacher for YEARS? Is that seriously just street training??? Can people acknowledge how amazing her combat skills and reflexes are??? More Toga appreciation when?? Also her backstory??? SO subversive and incredible, hate when people reduce her to just a ~typical anime yandere~ :/

-Tomura doing stuff with his hands/fingers to train his quirk!!! And to learn to be careful with it!! obv I’m a Big Fan of him playing piano to do this and video games are prob the canon answer, but like, guitar or any stringed instrument that requires Hands would work too. Or knitting/sewing? EMBROIDERING? ??? Please, let me give you the mental image of him knitting aggressively while mentally scheming, watching a twitch streamer or smth too while doing it. (Doing stuff with your hands is a great way to let your mind come up with creative stuff, that’s how I come up with writing/drawing ideas 70% of the time)

-Tomura actually PREFERS cutesty, relaxing games. I mean, he does fighting and bloody stuff irl, games are a way to relax...he’ll play shooters and gta type games with The Lads, but. on his own?? animal crossing. pokemon. kirby games. mario. zelda. BIG ZELDA FAN (not saying this bc I, personally, am biased, but,) slime rancher, stardew valley, funny simulator games... he really enjoys those :”) God forbid he has a kid bc they’re 100% getting named after a viddy game character unless someone can talk him out of it LOL. Toga and Tomura are that animal crossing /doom meme where she’d be asking for doom and him asking for animal crossing :”)

-Bits and pieces of Before are kinda stuck in Kurogiri’s brain, but like. mostly useless stuff the doctor didn’t care about removing. Like, types of clouds. So Tomura kinda picks up on stuff like that. He can just look at clouds and tell you what type they are because Kurogiri used to take him up to high places in the city and point them out to calm Tomura down from a panic attack when he was younger. He can tell you if the sky looks like it’ll rain with a 80% accuracy rate too. 

-Kurogiri left food out for kitties in the alley beside the bar. They weren’t allowed in for Health Reasons (it IS a bar with sanitation standards!!) And Tomura really wouldn’t stop it or encourage it either way so long as Kurogiri did his job, but occasionally would stand outside with Kurogiri and just watch the kitties from a distance. If any approached he’d go back in (lowkey afraid he’d hurt them by touching them :( ) They kinda kept that between them tho, bc they both Know AFO is a big bag of dicks and no fun

-people have pointed out how similar aizawa and tomura look. this was 100% the intention. tomura has a hatecrush on him. THIS IS SO FUNNY AND HORRIBLY AWKWARD FOR KUROGIRI LMAO

-Sako??? Mr. Dramatic?? Opera fan. Drama kid. Like, obviously, but. Really. He is. I feel like he can speak a dozen languages. I also feel like he used to be an overachiever but got too ambitious. He was def some kind of leader at one point of a diff Group or something that fell apart. I LOVE how creative he is with his quirk and the magician theme??? incredible. I don’t show him enough love but I Love Clowns :o)

-I don’t care what their canon heights are. Spinner and Dabi? short kings. My height hcs are (tallest to shortest) Kurogiri, Twice, Sako (who also has heels on his boots and a tall hat, keep in mind), Tomura, Magne (Tomura and Magne are about the same height imo) Toga, Spinner, Dabi. LISTEN. Dabi has short energy. Sorry. it’s true tho

-This is a semi-popular hc I think bc I KNOW I’ve seen it before, but Dabi having Terrible Vision and needing glasses is so so good. (seriously, with burns THAT close to his eyeballs, how could he not?) 

-he tries to be a tough loner coolguy. you’d think he’d smoke, but I hc his ‘weak constitution’ comes with weak lungs (esp from years of a flame quirk?? inhaling smoke over so much time is SO bad for you, most people who die in fires actually die of smoke inhalation...) so he’s got like, an inhaler, can’t smoke, actually gets carsick, needs glasses, overuses quirk to save friends constantly, likes napping, a little awkward and rude. Tomura put him in charge of the vanguard so he’s smart, and good with strategies too, like a nerd. this is the Dabi I wanna see, not the popular fandom version of him tbh also step on hawks one more time sir :”)

-I wish all the lov fics weren’t?? villain!deku like I said earlier, but also, chatfics? I have nothing against them but most of them are just a bombardment of Memes with NO PLOT!!! Listen. text/chatfics CAN have plot and be an interesting way to tell a story. I almost want to write one just to show what I mean...

I know I’ve said I like spinaraki and blackmagic, but I am a multishipper, so a few ships I don’t talk about that I like that involve the lov in some way:

-toga/any of the 1A girls??? or Camie??? super interesting. ALSO in the radio drama, bakugo’s voice actor said Toga was his favorite girl??? so?? bakugo/toga ?? I WANT TO SEE IT. but specifically my fav dynamic with her is when someone ELSE is the one to like her first, it’s what she deserves.

-Kurogiri/aizawa/mic?? any variety of that is also 👌🏻 I also kinda wanna see kurogiri/all might bc. Dads. COME ON. they bond over ‘well, I raised him, and you want to have a part in his life now?? ok. earn it. prove it. I’ll screen you first’ or something LMAO they’re both genuinely concerned for the boy, and SOOO biased. let them bond.

-WAIT WHERE IS THE MIC/COMPRESS CONTENT. THEYRE BOTH DRAMATIC. ENEMIES TO LOVERS?? HELLO??? SOMEONE?? ANYONE. rarepair hours

-giran/twice is cute. like he was hyping him up so much and so ready to go save him...

-dabi/magne where is the content. when. why not everywhere??? I’ve also seen magne/compress which was cute!! or twice/magne? they’re the big sibs of the lov...

-dabi/spinner?? come ON dabi could get over his learned biases and spend time with him and they could hold hands. I want them to.

-dabihawks. Obviously bc the Drama. yes even still, don’t @ me. (also, shigahawks, seen some REAL interesting fics with it tbh) or spinahawks?? adding hawks to a ship is like adding extra chili powder. makes it SPICY dramatic)

-nine/tomura don’t @ me once again. both kinda afo’s playthings, nine obviously was the test for tomura’s new upgrades...they both love their friends...That Scene in the Flower field </3 hmmm tragicships are fun.

-tomura/mirko. more enemies to lovers. big fan of her and bunnies. remember when he wore bunny ears in bnha smash. (ok its crack but. CUTE.) 

-I’ve also seen shiganatsu and shigafuyu and I’m like. these are cute, but also Dabi’s reaction always makes me cry laugh. so good.

-MOST EVERYONE IN THE LOV IS LGBTQA+!!! heres my personal headcanons:

Toga: pan or bi (CANON BASICALLY)

Magne: transwoman (CANON BABEY) bi, leans towards men. (her crush on dabi in bnha smash... uwu content where)

Shuichi: gets sooooo flustered canonly, I think he’d go for the first person Who Hit On Him (I can see him being the target of those mean pranks where someone says ‘my friend likes you!!’ and the friend is like ‘eww!!’ :(((( ) he’s super hesitant for romance, lots of repressed stuff. gay but takes sooo long to realize it bc he thinks most women are conventionally pretty Aesthethically, feels obligated to Like Them, but has bad self esteem so never goes after them, then only likes (1) guy so hes like?? is this allowed?? is this allowed???? (HES LIKE. IN LOVE WITH SHIGARAKI)

Dabi: bi but rly hasn’t ever gotten to date anyone, so he’s actually more reserved about it and while he’ll tease, he absolutely is absent and kinda oblivious (again, I KNOWWWW bnha smash isnt canon, but. my god. when magne is hitting on him and he Just Doesnt Understand.) also hes ace

Tomura: doesn’t care. (just prob says ‘its whatever’) trans/nonbinary (i’M NOT PROJECTING, BUT. :’/) probably goes with like, the label queer if any but doesn’t care much for labels

Kurogiri: bi??? kind of??? I say kind of bc well, I hc U Know Whom as bi, I feel like thatd carry over but he’d be really avoidant to date anyone bc hes gotta Watch His Kid u know? this is gonna sound surprising but I think he’d be the type to be like ‘ok we can have a one night stand/fling BUT it cant get personal bc I have a Job to Do for my Son so don’t get up in your feelings’ and act a little coldly at first or very ..not personable... depending on who it was he’d prob turn around eventually, esp if that person valued his feelings/job :”)

Sako: that mans Not Straight. I hc him as gay and also trans :3c

Twice: Bi and HAS dated prob more than anyone else in the league imo, super comfortable with his sexuality and supportive of everyone else’s :)

ok that’s about all I can think of atm, come back in 5 minutes and my brain will refill with lov headcanons :3 thank you for asking!!

#bnha manga spoilers #bnha #sanchoyoanswersasks #league of villains #lov #i am NOt tagging all of them im so sorry its Too Much #but ask to tag #for triggers #if anyone needs them tagged #? #long post #word wall #bananaapplewaffle #im pretty amicable to most ships n stuff and love rare/crack ships lmao #also if anyone has their own headcanons #and wants to share #feel free! #love hearin them too

[darisu-chan]

whatever our souls are made of (his and mine are the same), pt. 15

Welcome back to yet another one-shot!

Hope you guys enjoy it!

You can also read it here.

See ya!

inkwell

Prompt: social media

Summary: Each photo they upload becomes a puzzle piece which tells a story. Their story.

Ichigo, Rukia realizes, is not a fan of social media.

 Not that she had known what that was beforehand.

 She hadn’t realized there were more uses for a cellphone besides calling, receiving texts, listening to music and maybe taking a few pictures.

 She had had a more pragmatic view of technology.

 And it is not until she overhears Inoue and Arizawa talking about the newest photograph the former had taken and posted to Instagram, that she takes an interest on all the other uses one can give to a phone.

 “Ichigo, what is Instagram?” She asks the following day.

 She had hardly been able to sleep as she thought about that mysterious Instagram thing.

 Ichigo blinks and puts away the manga he had been reading.

 It is obvious he hadn’t seen this question coming.

 “It is a cellphone app.” He vaguely explains.

 “I see.”

 (Spoiler alert: she hadn’t)

 “What is an app?”

 She asks again.

 Then he goes on a lengthy explanation about the many apps and their uses.

 Turns out, Instagram is just one of the many apps you can use.

 You can even watch movies on your phone!

 Who would’ve thought?

 And Rukia gets the gist of it.

 Well sorta.

 She just knows that you can use a phone for almost anything nowadays.

 But he hadn’t really answered what Instagram was, so she asks again.

 “It’s an app in which people post pictures, sometimes with messages, other times not.” Ichigo tells her.

 “So people use it to share their photos with other people?”

 That sounded simple enough.

 “That’s the idea. Though attractive people use it for attention.” He adds.

 “Is that why Inoue has an Instagram?” Rukia asks out loud.

 (That makes him crack up)

 “So, to sum up, it is essentially a virtual album?”

 “Yeah, I guess.”

 It then occurs to Rukia that if Ichigo knows so much about it, maybe he has one.

 So she questions him about it.

 As it turns out, Ichigo does have an Instagram account.

 But he rarely uses it.

 It’s private, to begin with.

 There are just a few people that Ichigo had accepted, including his sisters and his few high school friends.

 He also doesn’t follow a lot of people.

 Besides that, he has only posted two photos.

 The first one is a snap of the river bank as the sun sets.

 There’s no description below and it seems unasuming, but Rukia knows the significance of it once she looks at the date it was posted on.

 The second one is just a picture of two very thick books by English authors.

 Again, there is no description, but she guesses those are a few of his favorite books.

 Other than that, there’s not much on his Instagram.

 Keigo did tag him on a picture with their other friends at someone’s house about a year ago.

 And that’s pretty much it.

 Yet, despite Ichigo’s lack of enthusiasm, Rukia is intrigued.

 She uses his account to browse through Instagram and realizes that he’s right, many attractive people, from celebrities to ordinary teens, post pictures of themselves, some in very suggestive poses.

 Then, there are other people who just share many things.

 Their pets, the places they’ve visited, their significant others, their children and other family members, things they bought, their food, concerts, and so much more.

 Rukia likes that.

 It feels as if they were sharing an intimate glimpse into their lives.

 She feels like she wants to share that too.

 She expresses as much, and Ichigo ends up installing the app into her own human cellphone and tells her how to use it.

 First things first, she needs a handle name.

 Rukia decides that doesn’t want to use her own name.

 Ichigo had told her that she could use a pseudonym in social media.

 She likes the anonymity of it.

 So she chooses a very simple handle.

 It is @krchappy14 and instead of her name, she just writes her initials.

 K. R.

 She becomes just a random Instagram user.

 And her first post is a snap of a drawing she had made, of a single white bunny waving hello with the hashtags #new, #hello and #bunny.

 That is just the beginning.

 Before long, her Instagram is filled with pictures.

 Rukia takes photos of anything she likes and posts them on the app.

 ─ Of sunsets, scattered leaves, the river.

 A stray snail, the white bunny she saw at a pet store, a hummingbird.

 Rain drops on windows, clouds, rainbows.

 A picture of her boots as she stands over a puddle.

 The highest tree in Karakura Town. ─

 There is not a single description in any of them.

 But Rukia uses different emoji under them and hashtags relating to what they are and what she feels about them.

 Soon, she gains a small following.

 At first just Ichigo follows her, and then Yuzu and Karin.

 Ishida, Chad, Mizuiro and Keigo end up following her too.

 Then there are two accounts that seem too suspicious to be just random users.

 (@greenhats4laifu and @_real_black_cat)

 Yet there are other people ─ strangers ─ who follow her for the photographs she posts.

 They like their simplicity.

 How Rukia lets them speak for themselves.

 There are, of course, more intimate ones.

 Ones most people wouldn’t be able to guess their true meaning.

 ─ Two coffee mugs sitting side by side ─ one light blue with a white bunny on it, another black with red accents.

 Two videogame controllers.

 A horror manga next to a copy of Shakespeare’s selected works.

 Pictures of a rainy day with sad face emoji underneath.

 Board games on a table.

 A plate of curry.

 A festival.

 Fireworks.

 A rooftop overseeing the town.

 The silhouette of a young man reading. ─

 Her pictures are not only about things she likes.

 Each one tells a different story.

 And as time passes by, they multiply.

 Eventually Ichigo takes notice and asks her about it.

 “Why do you take so many pictures each time you visit?”

 “Because I don’t want to forget.”

 She simply admits.

 And suddenly she feels raw as Ichigo stares at her.

 “I… I never got to live as a human, so now that I get the chance, there are many things, many moments I just don’t want to ever forget.”

 For Rukia Instagram is more than just an app and photos.

 She uses it as her personal journal.

 But instead of words, it is filled with glimpses of life.

 Each photograph is a brief moment frozen in time that she wants to remember for the rest of her days.

 Everything she gets to experience, everything that she gets to be, is there.

 It is a testimony of her own existence.

 “I just figured that if there comes a time I can’t come here anymore, at least there’d be proof I was here, you know?”

 That I lived, she wants to say.

 Ichigo smiles softly at her.

 “I understand.”

 On her next visit, she is surprised to discover that Ichigo has been uploading more photos on his account.

 It’s not just a few.

 His account is still private, and the same people still follow him, but now there are more than just two lone pictures.

 ─ There’s a snap of his university.

 Pictures of Karin’s recent games.

 A photo of the Kurosakis all eating dinner together.

 A picture of Yuzu focused on her cooking.

 Birds flying through the window.

 A stack of new manga.

 Just a simple picture of his closet.

 A photo of the new CDs he bought.

 A snap of forget-me-nots. ─

 And Rukia soon realizes why he’s taking so many pictures.

 They are not for himself or for other people.

 They are for her.

 Each picture is about something she had missed while she was away.

 Events and anecdotes she gets to hear from her favorite people.

 And that now she gets to see.

 So she smiles at each them as she sees them.

 She treasures them deep in her heart.

 (Now she doesn’t have to miss anything)

 Eventually, their Instagram accounts get filled with photographs that you’d need to see together to get the full picture.

 Each photo becomes a puzzle piece which tells a story.

 Their story.

 ─ Movie tickets.

 Two pairs of ice skates.

 Starbucks orders.

 Pink dresses and leather jackets.

 Drawings and crayons.

 Books and college essays.

 A sunrise.

 Black bracelets.

 Silver rings.

 A field covered in flowers.

 Bunnies everywhere.

 A kitchen.

 Chocolate cake.

 Two pairs of legs covered in blankets.

 Sakura trees in full bloom.

 Dandelions. ─

 And one winter day, they post their best pictures.

 Rukia’s is a simple one.

 She hadn’t taken it, though.

 It had been Yuzu who had snapped it when they hadn’t been looking.

 It has a black and white filter.

 And in the picture, you can see the backs of a man and a woman wearing winter coats.

 They are surrounded by a snowy landscape.

 And the girl has her head on the guy’s shoulder as he holds her close.

 The caption is just a heart emoji.

 Ichigo, for his part, posts two pictures.

 His are more straightforward.

 The first is a snap of Rukia grinning as she throws snow in the air.

 In the second one, they are sitting next to each other.

 As Rukia smiles and blushes, Ichigo is seen pecking her cheek.

 The description simply reads,

 “I’m still not used to the cold, but since she loves snow so much, I gotta learn how to enjoy it too. It’s worth it, though. Just to see her smile.”

 Rukia gets a lot of comments saying she and her boyfriend look cute, even though you cannot see their faces.

 Ichigo, meanwhile, is bombarded by comments from his friends.

 He ignores them, though, as now he is more focused on the girl next to him.

 “Guess this means we’re now Instagram official, nee?”

 She jests as he rolls his eyes.

 “Rukia, please don’t ruin the moment.”

 “You know you love it.”

 “Damn right I do.”

#ichiruki #ichirukimonth #ichirukimonth2020 #pro ichiruki #ichiruki fanfiction #my fanfiction

[angrydeobi42069]

The hate Blackpink gets is driven by internalized misogyny and here’s why

Blackpink. Basically the biggest girl group on the planet and one of the biggest groups in general, dominating the charts worldwide. Blackpink’s comeback, “How You Like That” broke world records for most viewed video in 24 hours and debuted no.2 on the Billboard charts. I’m sure “Lovesick Girls” charted as well or the same. The first kpop group to perform at Coachella, Blackpink have collabed with too many western artists for me to name (actually, I could probably name them but I could care less about some of these western artists so I’m not going to). I mean, not really a surprise, Blackpink has been breaking records since their debut in 2016. There’s not even really a point in introducing them to you since there’s literally no way you don’t know who they are. 

Now like many celebrities, the more famous you become the more hate you get. I hope everyone knows that this is just bound to happen regardless if your favorite celebrity has never done anything problematic and consistently produces bop after bop. However, BP get some of the worst hate I have seen towards a kpop group and most of it coming from kpop fans and blinks themselves. I’ve heard it from my close friends, from randos on stan twitter, and from locals. So, I have a bone to pick with y’all haters because I truly don't understand. 

Let me start with saying that I’m not a blink. I’m kinda far from it. I like bp and I will definitely click on their stuff when it comes out but I am in no way shape or form an actual stan. I wouldn’t buy their stuff or cry over their achievements, though it does make me somewhat proud. But even though I’m not a blink, I find myself defending these girls whenever someone tries to start shit. 

Ok, so from what I could gather from scouring the internet, harassing my friends, and looking through twitter, people hate bp for mainly these reasons: they hate Jennie, they think bp are overrated and overhyped, they “are not serving what they could serve” (yes, I quoted this from my friend), they’re basically models not idols, their fans suck, and BIG 3 privilege. There’s actually a lot more reasons that I found by looking at a “why do you hate blackpink?” quora thread but these are the easiest to tackle. I’m here to tell you that most of this hate if not all of it comes from misogyny. To be more specific, internalized misogyny because most of this hate comes from female kpop fans. 

Disclaimer: I did not research which demographic hates on bp the most but from personal experience, it has always been women who share their distaste for bp. Ok, moving on. 

I’m going to tackle the reasons I laid out one by one, hopefully well enough that you look back and see if the reason why you hate bp is out of just simple dislike for their music or because you hate women. There’s a big difference if you didn’t notice. If you get offended by this piece then that’s on you not me, just saying.  

Ok, first reason. You hate Jennie? Is that so? May I ask why you hate her so much? What exactly has she done to you that you have such a strong hatred for her? Is it because she’s lazy? Because she’s not doing what she’s capable of? I need reasons. I really do need some reasons before I label you off as someone struggling with internalized misogyny. Jokes aside, I don’t see how you can hate someone you’ve never met. I think most of the time we forget that you literally don’t know these people. I don’t know my favorite kpop boys and you definitely don’t know my good sis Jennie. I could make a whole other piece on the fake images and personalities these idols have and how we eat them up but whatever. 

Back to Jennie, you literally don’t know her. This whole Jennie is lazy argument is bs, pure shit if you ask me. You have no way of knowing what’s going on in her life. I’m pretty sure you’ve had bad days, bad weeks, maybe even bad months. You forget her job is draining, mentally and physically. She’s got dances to memorize, songs to memorize, fans to deal with and communicate with. She has a social media presence, she still has to practice and train (idols don’t just stop practicing once they debut). I know my body would not be able to withstand that no matter how long I trained; I’d drop dead immediately. The matter of fact is there are a ton of reasons why she wasn’t performing up to YOUR standards, which is a whole other can of worms since you’re probably on your bed doing nothing. It’s almost like y’all forgot sickness and fatigue is a thing. 

(this is just one of many videos where you can see jennie being “lazy”, let my girl live smh) 

And even if the reason wasn’t a medical reason, you can’t let my good sis be lazy for once??? The thing is everyone acts like they’ve never been lazy in their entire life. You’re telling me you’ve never not wanted to do nothing for no good reason? Lies, you’re fucking lying. Ok so what if she doesn’t feel like doing the move with that much energy. Let her live?? All I’m saying is you’d probably survive 5 days in the kpop industry with your lazy ass. And don’t try to hit me with the “but that’s her job she has to perform at 100% all the time” because I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to be failing your classes or pretending to be sick to get out of class. It’s the hypocrisy of it all. All if you had to perform the same song for a year, I’m sure you’d get sick of it too (fuck you YG). 

The reason why you hold Jennie to ridiculous standards is because of your ~ misogyny ~. Yes, it’s showing. Especially if you don’t hold male idols to the same level as Jennie. Female idols on the daily are held to ridiculous standards when it comes to their performances. One hair out of place and all of a sudden the knetz come holding their pitchforks. Gfriend slipping on the stage, something caused by literal rain, is still laughed at to this day and mocked. Jang Gyuri on Produce 48 had a voice crack that was edited and replayed to death on the show, ending in her elimination because she couldn’t recover from it. Meanwhile male idols make a mistake on stage and it’s like “Omg, a babie! Omg, that’s so funny!”. I don’t think I can think of any moment where male idols got shit because of a stage mistake. If anything he’s just babied and posted on twitter. My point is female idols are always shat on no matter what they do. Jennie is no exception. 

(tell me why the fancam of gfriend falling has 15M views... for what? FOR WHAT)

Now the second point, bp is overrated and overhyped. Umm, so this point is a little harder to flat out say you’re wrong, mostly because it depends on your own personal taste. If bp’s music is not for you then it might be easy to say that they’re overrated since they’re literally the biggest girl group in the world. The nuances come with the reasons behind this statement. I’m not going to address if you just dislike their music, I can’t really change your opinion on that. I will however, address if the reason behind you saying they’re overrated is because their music sounds “generic” and you don’t think they’re talented, or if you don’t think they deserve their fame because of their small discography and short promotion periods. 

The statement that all four of the bp members are untalented is just false. Wrong. W-R-O-N-G. Don’t mind me just spelling it out for you. Listen, to be able to debut you have to have some sort of talent. No one really debuts without any talent at all (for record yes I’m including visual as being a talent, sue me and leave hate idc). The only reason why someone with no talent would debut is if they had a HUGE fan base before debut and the company was trying to capitalize on it. I can name a few examples but I’m not trying to start shit. These fan bases could show up from predebut commercials, acting gigs, or reality shows. Blackpink had none of that, sure a few of them had appearances in other mv’s but I wouldn’t consider that abnormal in companies’ promotion tactics. Bp went through the typical trainee process. They passed the auditions, trained for a couple of years, and debuted. Now if you knew anything about the trainee process you would know that trainees have monthly evaluations. These monthly evaluations determine whether or not you can make it to debut. If you don’t show progress, then you’re getting the boot. So the fact that bp made it up to the final levels of evaluation and actually debuted indicates that these girls have talent, I’m sorry to say. Objectively, these girls can dance, sing, and rap. Maybe they’re not the best in the industry, I never said that but they are capable of doing all 3 things. Also they come from YG and as much as I hate YG, they’ve got trainees for dayssssss. YG’s status and income did not rely on these girls debuting, they could’ve picked anyone out of their 100 trainees they’ve got in the dungeon. If anything it’s way more competitive to debut in any of the Big 3 companies. It’s like picking the best of the best. If you’re saying these girls are not talented then maybe check yourself a little bit to see why you’re exactly saying that. I’m assuming you won’t be able to do anything better than them. 

The other three points were that their music is generic, their discography is small and their promotions are short. Well, in that case say fuck YG? You’re really acting like these girls produce their own music, make their own choreos and schedule their own promotions. Like wtf? That’s what their companies are for? The way that everyone chooses to ignore YG and their staff and immediately put blame on the girls like they get to choose what they do is ridiculous. Now I know not everyone does this, but the amount of people I’ve seen say bp is overrated because of their discography is a lot. But y’all really out here acting like they make their own discography smh. Yell at Teddy? Yell at YG? I’ve been yelling at those mfers because they’re not giving bp what they deserve. There’s no surprise when I say what they’ve been giving bp is subpar in terms of choreo and vocal ability in songs. I know those girls can do so much more. I don’t even wanna talk about the pretty savage choreo. I don’t. But this is no reason to hate on them? It’s like if I hated a starbucks barista for starbucks having a pumpkin spice latte. Like ???? 

( i drew this myself :) )

Even the hate that they receive because they get sponsorships and ads makes no sense. You don’t want them to make coin? A huge part of what comes with being famous is brand sponsoring. Brands pay you to promote their stuff because hello, you’re famous. So the fact that you don’t want them to do this is first of all wack but also again you’re acting like these girls choose the sponsorships and choose when to go on these trips. YG. MFING YG. I don’t think y’all understand how much control these companies have over their idols. Company says drink water, you drink water. Company says stop breathing and you stop breathing. You do whatever your company says you have to do. That’s your boss. 

So why don’t y’all start hating the producers, choreographers, and management instead. Why focus your hate on these four girls? I won’t spell it out for you again but I hope you get the jist. Most of the time it’s way more easy to attack the woman when she has nothing to do with anything. Society tells you to direct your complaints to the girl involved. You see a male celebrity start dating and who gets attacked? The girl. A girl gets cheated on in a movie by her boyfriend and who does she attack? The girl he cheated with. It’s internalized misogyny luv, yes I ended up spelling it out for you. For real, the girls just breathe and y’all scream at them. 

Final point about the big 3 privilege and fanbase. You have every right to not stan a group because of their fanbase. What you don’t have a right to do is hate on them and leave nasty comments on their posts. First, that’s fan behavior. Second, if you’re gonna do this keep the same energy for people who want to do this with your group. I’m talking about every group because every idol group got some wack ass fans. You shouldn’t hate a group because their fanbase is annoying, they don’t get to pick and choose their fans. So, don’t be a hypocrite ok :) Now big 3 privilege. Ah big 3 privilege. Yes, it exists. There’s no denying it. Big 3 privilege doesn’t really die out in my opinion. For as long as they’re still active, bp will have big 3 privilege. But just with any other sort of privilege, if you have it might as well use it. Listen, if I was white you know I’d be eating up my white privilege I’m not gonna lie. Jokes aside, bp has worked extremely hard. Yes, they have the big 3 privilege but they still have to perform these concerts, shows, and go to these interviews and train. As much as you’d like to disagree with me, I think that it’s a very objective to say that they have worked hard. 

I think it’s important to acknowledge how hard it is to get into these companies in the first place. You’re not born into it like a lot of social privileges people have. You have to audition. There are so many idols that have tried to get into these big companies but have failed. Now I’m not saying that these idols are not as talented as the ones that get into these big companies. Most of the time, these idols aren’t ready at the time of their audition and work harder on their own before trying out other companies. The big 3 get their trainees at very young age, which means these kids have to be either geniuses or show an incredible amount of promise. They’re the big 3 for a reason, they’ve been around the longest and have the most experience. They can see a future idol in the making relatively quickly. So yeah bp have big 3 privilege but they’ve worked hard, sacrificed their childhood, and get shat on just as much as your kpop idols. They’ve just got a fancy name behind them that doesn’t even make good choices promoting them anyways. It’s not a valid reason to hate them because of this, just saying.

Most of the hate bp gets is brought upon by the idea that our patriarchal society has ingrained in us. Women = bad, yell at them vs. men = good, don’t yell at them. We hate seeing women succeed. It’s as simple as that. Seeing powerful women dominate the industry they’re in scares us to our core. We don’t like it. I’m just here to bring light to it.

#blackpink #kpop #misogyny #internalized misogyny #rosé #jennie #bp #jisoo #lisa #blink #opinions #i have opinions #yall haters #yg #fuck men #jennie kim #lisa manoban #kim jisoo

[mtg-is-life-frf]

The witch

Hello my name is Cassidy but you can call me Cass,but a bad thing happened a couple of weeks ago and...I feel super bad about it but here it is anyway.

-Blackridge woods in Salem Massachusetts-

*on a video recorder*  “Hi guys its me Sunny here with Cass and jess say hi guys” sunny put the camera in our faces and me and Jessica waved “And thats them go follow them of their socals” Sunny listed our social media tags and we went on with our hike. It had been a few hours and we had set up camp in a little clearing right where the sun hits just right and just then as I set down my stuff I feel a water drop hit my face, and another one and like two more after that It was raining “Why now!! goddamn I just put up my shit!!” yelled Jess who had a bad habit of cursing just a random we all ran under a tree and sat there a mud and water stains our clothes and shoes, “well looks like we can start a fire now unless it stops raining” I say as loud as I can to them so they can hear me over the rain, they nod and we put down our stuff, and we pull out our sleeping bags and put them down and went to sleep, but little did we know a woman that looks about 25 watches the awful things that plague her forest and she knows how to get rid of them because for her she has been alive for 300+ years and she has done this before...

-morning-

Morning sun had shine me in the face as I had woken up to Sunnys yells of distress and jess cussing her out telling her to calm the f down, as I walk over to them I hear it “Cassidy... cass come to me dear” the words are clear but as I hear the voice I get slapped in the face “What the fuck jess why would you slap me...bitch” I feel something running down my face..its blood from my nose and Jess knew she fucking knew that would piss me off  “why in the hell would you brake Sunny’s phone you know that she is attached to the piece of A.I shit!!” we all got into a screaming match until we hear it all of us a whisper and..song? it was an eerie feeling all this time I never hear such a beautiful song then a woman appears in my mind with Brown hair and white eyes she stands to 5′9 the hair going down to her thighs and she was smiling with a black raven...with pale porcelain skin and teeth with a black turtleneck on and a black and red bomber jacket on it was a weird vision but all I knew was that she had to be the one I saw...just the one I saw who told me to do this to....kill them...I shake my head and walk away from them only to come face to face with her the woman that I saw she took my hands and asked in the most horrifically beautiful voice ever that echoed in my head and sang a song of chills down my spine...but I remember what I saw on the day I killed them  “do you want to be free from the judgemental world of mortals and be a witches helper all you have to do is give me your soul” and I did when she let go of me I fainted but I could feel her cutting my head open with her nails and her whispering sweet nothings into my head and I could see my friends they were dead their spines had been removed and their bodies where being dragged into the earth never to be found again.

and as for me...you might think i’m dead well you’d be right but here with the O’hara witch I am free of judgement of people I am free to be me and I had already sold my soul to her so all I do now is sit here in utter darkness,in the quiet and it some what calming and i still see my dead dismembered friends and I did post that video to Youtube but I hope Alora is ok with being seen ripping teenage girls into bit and eating their hearts but that kinda up to her and youtube so I have a question....

will you sell your soul to Alora O’hara or known as the O’hara witch?     

[purplesurveys]

1111

Something a little bit random and silly for my 1111th, just because.

survey by joybucket

List three things you love that start with each letter.

A: Art and most forms of it; anchovies, in most cases; and Angela.

B: Burgers, Beyoncé, and buffets.

E: Escargot, the name Eloise, and elephants.

F: FISH, Friends, and some folk indie.

S: Sleeping, signing off work at the end of my shift, and all kinds of seafood.

T: I’m obsessed with tteokbokki; trying out new food; and table tennis.

Q: I like the quiet time I occasionally give myself; quail eggs, especially in the form of kwek-kwek; and quattro formaggi pizza.

R: Rainbows, the rain, and riding planes.

O: Old movies, the ocean, and Okinawa milk tea.

List a phrase including an adjective, noun, and verb for each letter. Examples: "angry artist anticipating", "rude rascals running", "dirty dogs dancing", or "empty elephants eloping." Have fun!

A: Adorable animals appearing.

F: Fabulous fingers frolicking.

C; Chummy classmates cooking.

S: Suspicious self salivating.

R: Rambunctious raccoon running.

T: Tired turnip tumbling.

Q; Questioning quail quipping.

J: Joyful joggers jamming.

I: Inquisitive igloos imagining.

L: Luxurious lemonade luminescing.

Z: Zesty zebras zoning out.

E: Ethereal eagles embracing.

List three different occupations starting with each letter.

O: Orthodontist, oceanographer, opthalmologist.

E: Engineer, equestrienne, elementary school teacher.

F: Firefighter, flight attendant, farmer.

S: Scientist, singer, seamstress.

T: Talent agent, tricycle driver, tennis player.

I: Illustrator, inspector, IT technician.

E: Economist, editor, electrician.

L: Lawyer, librarian, lifeguard.

A: Accountant, actor, architect.

Y: Yoga instructor, youth pastor, yogurt maker?? if that counts, lol. Otherwise I got nothing else.

List three adjectives that begin with each letter.

A: Affable, abrupt, adequate.

B: Broken, blunt, bleary.

C: Crazy, clear, clingy.

D: Daunting, delirious, dark.

E: Existential, enraged, exemplary.

F: Fantastic, far-flung, flavorful.

G: Ghastly, gentle, gigantic.

H: Harrowing, healthy, hopeful.

I: Intelligent, identical, impervious.

J: Jovial, jaded, joyous.

List three nouns that being with each letter.

K: Kangaroo, keychain, kiwi.

L: Lemonade the album, lemon the fruit, and Liz Lemon.

M: Mall, maple syrup, and mop.

N: Nightingale, nest, napkin.

O: Ogre, olive, orange.

P: Piano, panini, and pizza.

Q: Queen, quill, quilt.

List three verbs that begin with each letter.

R: Running, raking, reliving.

S: Singing, sailing, surfing.

T: Tricking, tossing, teeming.

U: Understanding, urging, unwrapping.

V: Villifying, venerating, vaccinating - get vaccinated, folks.

W: Wandering, washing, wriggling.

X: I don’t know if there are any and I can’t bother to look it up.

Y: Yawning, yelling, yearning.

Z: Zipping, ziplining, zapping.

List three...

girl's names you love: Olivia, Mia, Emma.

boy’s names you love: Mason, Jacob, Lucas.

girl’s names you dislike: Karen, and our local versions of Karen, Marites and Marivic.

boy’s names you dislike: Chad, times three.

things you hate about summer things you hate about winter things you hate about spring things you hate about fall things you love about spring things you love about winter things you love about fall things you love about summer Crossing these out because my Southeast Asian ass can’t relate, but if you do decide to take this survey feel free to un-strikethrough them!

things you miss from your past: Having more freedom to make mistakes; not having to worry about the future; and friends I’ve since lost.

people who have really hurt you in the past: Gabie, my mom, Marielle.

names of people you have had crushes on: Gabie, Andi from 5th grade...and that’s it, really.

names of people you have gone on a date with: Only Gabie. And I guess maybe Mike? Since he asked me to go with him to his ball as his date.

places you've been and would love to go again: Sagada, Jeju, Bali.

places you want to visit before you die: Morocco, Spain, Thailand.

items on your bucket list: See Times Square, live in a condo, plan a solo trip.

health conditions you have: Scoliosis, lactose intolerance, and very possible depression.

health conditions you've had in the past but don't anymore: Dehydration, UTI, and some kind of weird low-platelet-count thing that was just that, and never diagnosed as anything.

things you are allergic to: Possibly some types of grass, and maybe face masks. Idk how to confirm it really; I just know my skin gets irritated around them sometimes.

youtube channels you love to watch: Good Mythical Morning; the KBS YouTube channel mainly for clips of Return of Superman and 2 Days 1 Night; and Binging With Babish.

favorite drinks: Water, coffee, Long Island Iced Tea.

favorite foods: Sushi, chicken wings, pizza.

favorite desserts: Cheesecake, MACARONS, cupcakes.

favorite holidays: The only one I care for and get super excited about is my birthday, if that counts. Christmas is fine, but I only get the excitement for it on the actual day itself.

favorite colors: Pastel pink, white, maroon.

people you would like to meet: Ysa and Bea, my teammates at work. I’ve met them only once before, and I wish we can be allowed to report to the workplace physically soon so that I get to see them more often and strengthen my relationship (both working and personal) with them. I’d also love to be able to chat and chill with Hayley Williams even for just 30 seconds.

people you want to meet in Heaven: I don’t believe in that, but I’d love to have met my great-grandfather on my maternal grandfather’s side. Also, Audrey Hepburn and Princess Diana.

good names for a dog or cat: Depends on their personality.

reasons why you get up each morning and keep on living: Because I’ve been able to see myself get better, and why stop all the progress?; because I’d want to be able see if the future will get better; and because I’m afraid of what will happen to/who will look out for my dogs if I’m suddenly gone.

For each name, think of three people you know with that name, and list their occupations.

Amanda: I only know one Amanda, and she’s a friend of my ex’s younger sister. She’s only in senior year of high school. I know an Amandine which is close enough I suppose?? and she’s a dentistry student.

Sarah: She’s a media contact and I’m constantly in touch with; she’s the editor-in-chief of a local magazine. I think she’s the only Sarah I know.

Ashley: Also a media contact. I’m not sure about her title, though.

Beth: @bionic-beth is a teacher! :) But I don’t know any Beths in real life, I think.

Katie: Well I know Kate, and I’ll sometimes playfully call her Katie. She works in a government agency and she’s one of their PR people. The HR person who recruited me to come work at my current employer is a Kate, but I have never and have no plans to call her Katie.

Matt: That’s too foreign-sounding a name where I live.

Emily: Don’t know any Emilys, either.

Chris: Media contacts. They run blogs or news sites of their own.

Mike/Michael: The one Mike I know is currently a med student. Not sure if he’s working on the side - I think he is, since I saw him post about a job update on his Facebook a few months ago; but I can no longer remember what he does, or if he’s still doing it.

Jessica: I went to high school with a girl named Jessica but I don’t follow her on social media, so I have no clue what she’s up to now.

Becca/Bekah: Rita’s sister is a Becca. I think she is currently a grad student.

For each name, think of three people you know, and list one adjective to describe each person. (Skip if you don't know anyone with that name.)

Laura

Michelle: Hilarious.

Victoria: Strong.

Tessa: Friendly.

John

Claire: Influential; motherly.

Briana/Brianna: Bitch.

Vanessa

Brittany/Britney, etc.

Allison/Allie/Ally, etc: Kind. 

Olivia

Jordan

Jo/Joe: Ambitious; pretty.

Corey/Kori

Sophie: Sweet; quiet.

Mitch/Mitchell: Tall.

Madison/Maddie/Maddi

Out of all the people you know or have met, list three...

redheads: Yeah, you’re not going to find them in most of Asia. West Asia and some parts of East Asia, probably, but definitely not for the rest.

tall people: Jo, Chesca, and Shaun.

people with really curly hair: I know Kleo has naturally curly hair from her Aeta roots, but it’s been straightened for a very long time now. I think Chesca also has curly hair, albeit slightly. There is also Liana.

sets of twins: My sister had two sets of twins in her high school batch, but I can no longer remember their names. I also had an English class with a pair of twins named Ardy and Thirdy.

of the cutest babies you've seen on social media: My workmate’s baby. My friend Jar has a super squishy niece/nephew pair of twins as well.

people you miss: Angela, Kate, my grandpa.

people with beautiful eyes: I can only think of my ex.

people with nice hair: God I have not been around people for so long, I can barely think of anyone for this.

people who are the same height as you: Aya, Hannah, Tina.

own one of the same clothing items as you: Angela since we went to the same high school and have several of the same school shirts; Laurice since we share a college org and we have our own trademark polo shirt; and my brother and I have our own pairs of Nike Cortez shoes.

make you laugh: Andi, Hans, and this girl I had a couple of history classes with, Rose.

List three celebrities who...

are the same height as you: Lady Gaga and AJ Lee are the only ones who are coming to mind. I wouldn’t call AJ a celebrity though.

have the same hair color as you: Mila Kunis, Kelly Rowland, Dita Von Teese.

look like you: Only based on comments I’ve gotten in the past and not because I necessarily claim these for myself, Lucy Hale, Anna Akana, and Kakie.

List three....

adjectives to describe you: Timid, stubborn, sensitive.

academic courses you enjoyed: Philippine social history, international relations, anthropology.

words you always forget how to spell: Rhythm, committee, accommodate.

things you wish you were better at: Singing, dancing, drawing.

things you are really good at: Writing, reading people, and knowing the best things to order at most restaurants hahahah.

jobs you'd like to have: Ideally, a lawyer or doctor. But realistically, I’d love to have a leadership position in the PR sphere.

jobs you've considered having: ^ Again, lawyer and doctor. Also a journalist or news anchor, back when I still thought I was passionate about journalism.

jobs you'd hate: Journalist, an LTO clerk, an assistant to an asshole celebrity.

things you miss: Being a student, many parts of the past, and deceased family members.

names your mom considered when naming you: Ariel, Kathleen, Katrina.

things people call you: Robyn, Byn, Bynbyn.

*Bonus*: what is your name? (first and middle)? I always feel like just sharing Robyn.

#survey #surveys

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #320

we on a spree today!

Would you rather be twice as smart or twice as happy? Give me the happiness, please. What happened the last time you cried? I was having a PTSD episode. What happened the time in your life when you were the most nervous to do something? I think the most nervous I've ever been was in elementary school when I won the D.A.R.E. essay contest and had to read my paper in front of the whole 4th and 5th grade in the gym. There may be something else, though, there's just a LOT of instances where I've been an anxious mess. What was the greatest television show of all time? Meerkat Manor, man. I canNOT wait for it to resume, I believe this summer. What one thing would you be most disappointed if you never got to experience it? Maybe petting a meerkat, particularly a descendant of a Meerkat Manor character, Flower Whiskers in specific. I would cry, and that is a promise. I am just... so thankful for those little creatures. Because of them, I've met so many irreplacable friends and developed a hobby that was a way to dump my creativity into since I was what, 10 years old? What celebrity would you trade lives with? BITCH let me be Amy Nelson (Mark's gf) for OBVIOUS REASONS. Haha on a serious note though she is an INCREDIBLE person that I'm so glad Mark found. :'''') What story do your friends still give you crap about? Nothing, really. What is your weirdest dealbreaker? I'unno... define a "weird" dealbreaker. I find mine to be pretty reasonable. What’s the first thing you’d do if you were the opposite sex for one day? Well, look at myself in a mirror? See how I look. What is the weirdest quirk your family has? We have this thing where we say "I love you mostest period" at random to imply we love the other person more than they could love us, indisputably. How old is the last person you kissed on the cheek or lips? On the cheek, it was either my niece or nephew, who are 4 and 6. The person I last kissed on the lips is 22. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Not anymore, no. I don't wear jeans. Do you think you could live with your best friend? I would fuckin LOVE to. Do you have someone who you can be your complete self around? I'm most comfortable with myself around Sara. What were you doing when you found out Michael Jackson was dead? I was swimming in the pool while Dad was grilling lunch. The last person you kissed, was it a drunken or sober? Sober. Have you ever introduced yourself with a name other than your own? Online, I've introduced myself with my account name, but generally, I say I'm Brittany. Are any of your siblings married? I don't know about the half-sister I don't know, but two are married, and one is engaged. Do you use an umbrella when it rains? Not usually, no. When was the last time you had a lot of fun? A lot of fun? That's one damn good question. Probably not since I last hung out with Sara. The last time you cried, who was there to comfort you? I was alone. What was your most recent reason for smiling / laughing? I chuckled at something in a John Wolfe video. Are you attracted to the last person you talked to? Um, that would be my mother. So no. Do you like your middle name, or does it embarrass you? It's pretty, but I hate having it. It's one of the most common white chick middle names ever. Are your toenails painted? No; I don't paint my nails. When was the last time you couldn't stop laughing? Why? Probably a funny YT video, I dunno. Any ways in which you're very different from the person you love/like? We have some differing political views. Why did you first kiss the last person you kissed? The timing felt right and I love(d) her. Has anyone seen you kiss the last person you kissed? Yeah. Who was the last person’s voice you heard? Besides via YouTube, my mom's. Who do you get along with best in your family? Mom. Have you ever been kissed in a car? Yeah. Is there anyone in your life that knows right away something’s wrong with you? Oh, absolutely my mother. Has your phone ever gone off in the middle of a class at school? Oh god no, I'd die. The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? I never do. It adds oil to your hair, and mine is naturally oily enough. Do you prefer light or dark jeans? DARK. Do you have an item of clothing that reminds you of someone? Tell me about it, and the person it reminds you of. I have a good handful of those. When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? I just listen, usually. Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yeah. Does more than one person like you? *shrug* You log into Facebook and see the red ‘1’ notification next to the message icon. Who do you want it to be? I fucking hate that my answer is "Jason." If your hair is long, would you ever think about having it cut short? Or, if it’s short, would you like to grow it long? As far as I'm concerned, my hair will never be long again. I love it so much more short. What if you were told that your life has to stay exactly as it is right now, and nothing will ever change? How would you feel about that? I'd... honestly probably kill myself. I don't know that with certainty, but yeah. I'd be pretty damn devastated. What’s the most expensive thing you own? Probably my snake. Name something you really can’t wait for? MAY!!!!!!! GIMME MY TATTOOOOOOOO!!!!! What do you want in your future? E.g marraige, kids… A great career, a healthy and permanent relationship, lots of pets, adventure, life satisfaction... Got any major celeb crushes? m a r k e d w a r d f i s c h b a c h Do you have any glow-in-the-dark items in your room? If so what? No. Have you ever stalked anybody? Yeesh, no. If you could be on any TV show, which would it be and why? I'll just hypothetically say I WANTED to be on television for this, because irl, I don't. Ummm. I guess That '70s Show, because I love the '70s, and it'd be so cool to have a big group of friends like that. What is your favorite brand of hairspray? I don't use hairspray. What is the last thing you tripped over? Our doorstep, lmao. Do you were glasses or contacts? If so what color are your frames/contacts? I wear black-rimmed glasses. Do you like stickers? If so what kinds do you like? Yeah. I used to collect them as a kid and put them all over my dresser. Do you like coloring? Yes. What is in your backyard? Some bushes and a shed. Maybe a tree. I've been out there like, once. Do you own a globe? No. What is your favorite wild cat? Snow leopards are the prettiest, imo. As animals in general, I find lions the most interesting. How many continents have you been to, and which ones? I've never left North America. How many continents has your best friend been to, and which ones? She hasn't, either. How many continents has your dad been to, and which ones? Same as above. Have you ever been so terrified that you felt paralyzed? Yep. What’s a place you have a strong emotional connection to? The community college I first went to. Particularly where Jason and I took his senior prom pictures. Who was the last relative you visited? Grammy, before she passed away. My uncle was with her, too. Do you ever wonder what kind of person you’d have turned out to be if a certain event never happened to you? Oh, certainly. I wonder all the time what would have happened if Jason didn't leave. I could still be horribly depressed, or dead, considering ultimately, the event led to me finding the help I so desperately needed. Or maybe I'd be perfectly happy with kids and know how to be an actual adult. I was only a teenager, and yet with him, I never felt more mature and just... capable. When you’re home alone, do you still shower with the bathroom door closed? Yes. Have you ever bought something really expensive and ended up returning it? I don't believe so. If you could have anyone’s singing voice, whose would you choose? Amy Lee is the brazenly obvious answer. What are your top 3 favorite genres of music? Metal, rock, indie. Same general category, I know, but it's almost all I listen to. Is there anything you’d like to say to your last ex? We're best friends, and I talk to her regularly, so I can tell her anything. Where did you buy your dishes from? No clue. We've had the same plates and bowls I think my entire life. Do you think Mars will be colonized in your lifetime? No. Have you ever been on a ship? Boats, yeah. I think ships are just the really big ones, right? Sails and all? Do you ever take intentional breaks from checking/posting on social media? No. Who was Van Halen’s better singer - David Lee Roth, or Sammy Hagar? David Lee Roth. He's an arrogant bastard, but boy can he sing. Which fictional character has the most memorable quotes? I don't know. Maybe the Joker. Do you watch The Office? Gossip Girl? Grey’s Anatomy? None of 'em. Name someone you know with a birthday in December: Sara! What color was the last vehicle you were in? White. What is your dad’s name? Kenneth, but he's just called "Ken." When was the last time you slept in a bed with someone else? Not since I last visited Sara. Do you have any indoor pets? Both my pets are indoors. How do you feel about teenagers claiming to be in love? It's entirely possible. I was; nobody could EVER convince me I wasn't. Are you dating anyone? If so, for how long? No. Do you know anyone with Down's Syndrome? I think so? What animal that is endangered is your favorite? Oh yikes, I don't know. I don't really know every endangered animal, y'know, and I love all animals SO much. Maybe elephants or tigers. How do you believe the Earth and life on it was created? I feel like there was SOME sort of ultimate intelligence that created the universe, but I don't know anything about it/him/her/whatever. Then I believe in evolution. Basically, some sort of conscious creation, and then let life do its thing. What’s your religion? I don't have one. You could say theism, but is that even a proper religion? Do you like your teeth? No. During my worst depression, I was very bad at taking care of them, and now they have a yellowish tint. Have you considered getting contacts that change your eyecolor? What color? Oh yes, I've wanted to have more sapphire blue eyes. Do you wish you lived somewhere else? Yes. Living in the suburbs just isn't my jam, but it works for right now. What’s the craziest color you’ve seen on a house? I think I've seen a pink house before? Don’t you hate the texture of lotion on your skin? Yes. What’s the prettiest cat you have seen? There's this brown British Longhair with beautiful green eyes that I adore on social media. Name's Smoothie. What is your favorite doughnut? Chocolate frosted or glazed. Do you have a hot tub? If so, where is it located? No. What is your favorite party game? Man, I don't even know popular party games, haha. Do you or your parents rake your yard? Neither of us do. No matter where we've lived, ever since Dad left, no one rakes. Do you buy drugstore make-up or high-end make-up? We always buy drugstore makeup. What’s the last good love story you read? I don't think I've read a love story since The Notebook. Do you own a lava lamp or disco ball? No, but I wish I had a lava lamp. When was the last time you went to the roller rink? It's been many years. Do you own a kaleidoscope? No. I did as a kid, though. Have you ever made an inspiration board for your room? No, but I absolutely plan to once I get a big enough board to hang on the wall, and my "office" is cleaned out. I want that room to be full of motivation. Who is the best-looking male celebrity? Take a wild guess. Where would you like to travel to next? Yellowstone. I want to spread Teddy's ashes there in an area with wolves to rest in his roots. Less importantly, I want to take looooooaaaaaaaddddddsssss of photographs. Where are three places you go to relax? Just my room, really. If you became famous, would you change your name to something exotic? No. What color is your favorite pair of shorts? I don't wear shorts, ever. List five items on your current wardrobe wish list. I've wanted a black, studded leather jacket since I was in high school. I also really want big, spiked leather boots, too. Then there's tons of band tees I want. Who makes great song covers on YouTube? JONATHAN YOUNG!!!!!!! GO!!!!!!!!! LISTEN TO HIM!!!!!!!!!!! Who is one of the best songwriters? Otep Shamaya. Painting or drawing? I strongly prefer drawing. Painting that shows brushstrokes or painting that looks like a photograph? The latter. The former can be quite stylistic, though. First thing you wash in the shower? My hair, but if you mean my actual body, my chest. Brown or white egg? I don't even know the flavor difference. Favorite time of year? October-December. Do you own a gun? I legally can't due to a suicidal history. Have you ever been in a castle? Excluding the Disney World castle, no. Are you a clingy person when it comes to relationships? I honestly am. Have you ever been bitten so hard that there teeth marks were there after? I mean, I've had hickeys before. Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest) Yes. If you found a baby randomly by itself what would you do? Call the cops and stay with it until they arrived. What is the most personal question you have ever been asked? I'd rather not repeat it. When was the last time you wished time would move faster? Literally every waking moment of my life. It's so sad, thinking about it. I'm just rushing my life away. Are there any owls in your room (as decor, of course)? No. If you’re not straight, who was the first person you came out to? Sara. Do you enjoy hearing birds chirp? I do. Have you ever hiked a mountain? No. Where did you meet your first crush? School. Who is your favorite little girl? My sweetheart niece. What is your favorite song by the last band you listened to? Oh boy, don't make me pick. Does your best friend have kids? No; she doesn't want any, either. Where did you go the last time you drove for longer than an hour? The beach, I think. If you were pregnant, would you want a boy or a girl? Hypothetically, a girl. How often do you get fountain drinks from a gas station? Rarely, but every now and again. Who is your favorite character in your favorite movie? Mufasa. What junk food can you never pass up? Donuts came to mind first. But I think that's because I'm craving donuts, haha. Have you ever had a UTI? Yeah, multiple. I don't drink nearly enough water. I've had one so bad my kidneys hurt like a bitch. What's the last color you dyed your hair? Red.

#survey #surveys #questions

[chickensarentcheap]

Best Part of Me -Chapter 10

Warnings: none

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y​, @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @alievans007​, @thunderintheshadows​

With Declan at Salena’s house for a ‘lunch and play date’, Esme takes advantage of the downtime, spending the first part of her afternoon eating lunch on the back patio while Adeline naps on a blanket nearby.  Enjoying the breeze that blows in off the ocean, the way the sun glistens on the water, and the sound of the waves as they roll up onto the shore.  It’s peaceful; a welcome relief from the earlier incident with Chloe and the drama that had ensued the night before. She has a chance to let her brain finally rest, losing herself in the petty drama on social media posts and reading celebrity gossip blogs.  Simple, mindless pleasures that help take her mind off things; the worry revolving around Ovi, the problems TJ is having a school, her own battle with mental health issues.  

Today is a better day; the dark overhead not as dense and terrifying. She’s able to find happiness in the sunshine and the sound and the smell of the ocean and the sight of her infant daughter fast asleep; long dark eyelashes resting against the top of her cheeks, those rosy, tiny lips pursed, her hair being tousled by the breeze. Content and peaceful; comfortable in just a pink bathing suit with brightly colored unicorns printed on it and ruffles on the bum. Mac curled up beside her; a paw touching her leg, raising his head to watch her when she twitches or makes even the faintest of noises in her sleep.

After lunch –and when Addie wakes- Esme takes her down the water, crouching down and lightly pressing the baby’s feet in the wet sand, leaving tiny prints behind. Sitting at the edge while the tide rolls in, the baby between her legs and resting back against her, gently splashing the water onto Addie’s legs and tummy; allowing her to get used to the texture and the temperature.  Then wading out until the water just reaches the small of Addie’s back as she holds her tightly and protectively against her. There’s no fussing. Not even the slightest of cries or the flinch of discomfort.

“You are definitely your father’s daughter,” Esme says, as she presses a kiss to Addie’s cheek. “You’re a natural. Definitely not a scaredy cat.  When you’re a bit bigger, he’s going have you out here all the time with your brothers and sister. Swimming, teaching you how to surf. All that fun stuff. You look me, but I think you’re going to be just like him. And that’s a good. A very good thing. Because he is brave and strong and has a huge heart inside that big body of his.”

Later she spreads a blanket out on the sand and lies down on it, Addie on her stomach and pressed against her mother’s chest; a towel loosely draped over her tiny body to protect her from the sun. The sand is warm and soothing against her back and combined with the heat from the brilliant sunshine and the sounds of the ocean, it’s enough to almost lull her to sleep.  She’s exhausted; mentally and physically. It’s been years since she’s been able to indulge in even the smallest bit of self-care, devoting her life to being a wife and a mother. Even a few hours without the other four kids will do wonders for her body and mind. And she’s just beginning to doze off when she feels a slight –yet noticeable- change in the temperature; cracking open an eye to find a shadow cast over her.

“I was starting to wonder if anybody lived at this dump,” the familiar voice drawls, and her eyes snap open at the sound of it, quickly and carefully sitting Addie down on the blanket before jumping to her feet.

“Oh my god! Kyle!” The tears are already brimming in her eyes as she practically throws herself against him, and he laughs as he circles her waist with his arms and picks her up off her feet.

“Hey, kid,” he greets, and presses a kiss to her temple.

She holds his scruffy face in her hands. “What are you doing here?”

“Would you believe I came all this way just because I missed my little sister?” He tousles her hair affectionately and places her on the ground.

“No. But I’ll let you have it. Why didn’t tell us you were coming to visit? So we knew to expect you.”

“It was kind of a last-minute thing. I had some vacation time owed to me and I thought I'd take advantage of it. And I’ve always wanted to visit Australia, so....” he puts his hands on his hips and emits a long, low impressed whistle as he takes in the surroundings. The beach with its pristine, almost white sand, the expanse of the ocean, the house and the property it sits on. “...here I am. And wow, it’s even better than the pictures and those were pretty impressive.”

“Isn’t it awesome? It’s everything we could have ever possibly imagined. Every day it gets more and more beautiful. We are so blessed, K. In so many ways.”

“You guys sure are. I’m not surprised you never want to come back to the States. I wouldn’t want to if I lived here either.  You look good, kid,” he reaches out to push wayward strands of hair behind her ears. “How you been feeling?”

“It’s been a rough one,” Esme admits. “I haven’t really been myself since having Addie.?”

“Post-partum or...?”

She nods. “Even worse than with Declan. That that was bad enough. But I have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow to talk to her about it and get some meds. So I’ll be right as rain soon. I can’t believe you’re here!” She wraps her arms around his torso. “I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so much.”

“Wow, your brain must really be messed up,” Kyle teases, and then jumps backwards with a chuckle when she directs a painful punch towards his stomach. “So where’s this new niece of mine? I didn’t come all this way for nothing, you know.”

“You’re going to love her,” Esme gushes, and takes him by the hand and pulls him towards the blanket. “She’s so tiny and so beautiful and so perfect. And she looks like me! Finally! It only took how many tries?”

“Tyler must have used up all the good genes on the first four,” he chides, a broad smile spreading across his face when his sister carefully places Addie in his arms. “Holy shit! She’s even tinier in person! I can’t believe how light she is. Like holding a doll.”

“Even the preemie diapers and clothes are a bit too big on her right now. She makes all the others seem huge when they were born. Even the twins were bigger, and they were early.”

“And then there’s Declan who was practically a toddler when he was born.”

“That was like giving birth to a baby elephant. Wait until you see him. He's at the neighbor's right now, but he’s huge! He’s so tall and he’s solid and so strong. Isn’t she just amazing?” Esme smiles down in pride at her baby girl. “Isn’t she just the most incredible thing you’ve ever seen?”

Kyle grins. “You’ve said that with every one of them.”

“But she’s even more so. Look at her. How beautiful she is. Look at all that hair and those huge eyes and those tiny little ears!”

“She’s beautiful like her momma.” he declares and pecks his sister’s cheek. “You did good, kid.  You did really good.”

“Well, I can’t take all the credit. I did have some help.”

“One thing you guys are really good at is making cute kids, that’s for sure. I can’t wait to see them. I can only imagine how big they’ve gotten in just six months. Bet Millie’s growing like a weed.”

“TJ is almost taller than she is! He’s five, K! There’s no way he should be that tall and have that big of feet. And Tanner...oh my god...wait until you see his hair. He looks so much Tyler. Like the spitting image of him. It used to be TJ, but Tanner has changed so much. You won’t believe it when you see them.”

“I’ve missed them,” he smiles down at his niece and runs a palm over her hair. “It’s been hard. Being that far away from them. They’re happy though? They’re doing okay?”

“TJ has had some issues at school. Just some acting out and some aggression. We think he’s just struggling with such a huge change in his life. But we’re going to have a specialist look at him. Just in case it’s something more. It may be nothing. He may just have his dad’s temper and needs to learn how to control it. But it’s better to be safe than sorry.”

“But happy? Are they happy?”

“Very. And healthy.  They’re thriving here, K.  They love school, their grades are good, they have friends. They spend nearly all their time outside when they’re home. They go swimming and fishing and Tyler is teaching them how to surf. They’re in their element. And that’s what we wanted for them.  A place they’d be truly happy. Where they’d feel safe and secure.”

“And you? Other than this post-partum stuff. Are you happy?”

“It’s probably the happiest I’ve been in about fifteen years. I wish we’d never left. That we’d just stayed here instead of going back to Colorado.  It’s where all our problems started. Everything just seemed to go downhill when we moved back there. If we’d just stayed here...”

“And miss spending time with your favorite big brother? I’m insulted,” he playfully nudges her with his elbow.  “Not sense dwelling on it, kid.  That’s all behind you now. Can’t go back and change it, so why even think about it? Nothing good ever comes out of wondering ‘what if’.”

“When did you become so wise and logical?” Esme teases. “That is not the K I remember. The K I remember still loved playing beer pong and doing shots out of random girls’ navels.”

“Well, you meet a good woman and things change. What can I say?”

His sister doesn’t respond, instead arching her eyebrows and giving a tight-lipped smile as she gathers up the blanket and shakes it free of sand before folding it.

“Esme...” Kyle sighs. “...don’t be like that.”

“Don’t be like what? I didn’t say anything.”

“You don’t need to. You’ve got that look.”

She laughs. “I don’t have a look. You’re just imaging I have a look.”

“I know Nik isn’t your favorite person, but....”

She scoffs.

“...she is my fiancée. She’s going to be my wife. You need to give her a chance. I gave Tyler a chance.”

“You didn’t know Tyler before you met him. I know Nik. I’ve known Nik for years. And ninety percent of that time, she was trying to get my husband to cheat on me. With her. She was doing everything in her power to fuck things up between us.”

“But she didn’t.”

“That’s hardly the point. She still did it. Why would you want to be with a woman you know was hell bent on being a homewrecker? And she wasn’t trying to wreck just any home. She was trying to wreck your sister’s home. How can you be okay with that?”

“She’s already apologized. To you. To Tyler. What more do you want? The pastis just that, right? The past. Leave it there. She's changed. You’ll see that for yourself.”

Esme’s eyes narrow. “Excuse me? I’ll see what for myself?”

“That Nik’s changed. What?” he chuckles. “You thought I’d take a vacation to Australia alone?”

“She’s seen plenty of Australia. Including parts I’d rather she’d never seen.”

“Esme, stop. That’s history.”

“Yeah, their history. Do you not realize how weird this is for you? That you’re marrying Tyler’s ex....whatever the hell she was? I’m going to be related to a woman that’s had sex with my husband. You don’t find that a little strange?”

“I can see why it’s a little off putting,” Kyle admits, and then follows her as she heads towards the house. “But it’s been a long time. Since the two of them had a thing. They’ve both moved on. He’s married, has five kids...”

“None of that matters to her before. Why should it now? It’s just weird, K. It’s just plain weird. That my sister in law was once banging my husband. Boy, that will be interesting conversation around the table at Thanksgiving. ‘Did you know Tyler and I used to fuck? Can you pass the gravy?’”.

“Okay, so now you’re being a tad irrational.”

“And it’s not just that,” she continues. “The fact they’ve had sex. On multiple occasions. It’s that Nik used him and manipulated him and preyed on every fear and worry he had to get him back into the job. She knew he had mental health issues and it didn’t even stop her. She didn’t even care. All she cared about was what she could get out of him.  So I’m sorry if I’m not thrilled that that’s the woman you’ve decided to spend the rest of your life with.”

“And like I said. She’s changed. You’ll see that for yourself. All I’m asking is that you give her a chance.”

“I’ve given her tons of chances,” Esme tosses the blanket onto one of the patio chairs and wipes her feet off on the mat in front of the sliding door before opening it. “How many chances am I supposed to give her?”

“You’ve given Tyler tons of chances,” he points out.

“He’s my husband, K. Don’t even compare the two.”

“Give her one more chance,” he implores, as he follows her into the house. “And do you guys never lock your doors around here? I was able to just walk right in.”

“No one comes down this way. Except for you now, apparently.”  She grabs the tea kettle from the middle of the stove, fills it with water and plugs it in. “I don’t lock them. Tyler does. Because he’s paranoid as fuck.”

“Of what?”

“Of anything. Of everything. Of everybody. Wouldn’t you be? After living the life he did? He’s pissed off a lot of people, K. There’s a lot of evil fucks out there that feel he did them wrong. There’s always a chance that someone is out there waiting for the opportunity to get back at him. Or at least that’s how he thinks.”

“And what do you think?”

“What I think is irrelevant. It won’t change his mind.”

“Is he getting any better? Is there any change?”

“He’s coping a lot better. He’s not as agitated. He doesn’t lose his temper as easily anymore and just fly off the handle. And we’re definitely do not fight as much as we used to.”

“But...” he takes a seat at the kitchen table. “...I sense a but coming on.”

“But...” she gathers the milk from the milk and a container of sugar from the counter, putting both down in the middle of the middle. “...he’s very...protective.”

“Of you?”

She nods.

“Pretty understandable. I mean, you guys have been through some messed up shit together,” he presses a kiss to a now sleeping Addie’s forehead and lays her along his thighs, a hand resting on her stomach to keep her in place. “He’s almost lost you twice. He doesn’t want there to be a third time. Any guy would be protective after going through what he’s gone through.”

“We’re not talking about what other guys would do. Let’s not pretend that Tyler is like other guys. How many of these other guys are...were...mercenaries.”

“Probably not many, but...”

“He isn’t protective like other men are protective. He’s over the top.   Protective to the extreme,” she gently scoops Addie up and places her in the infant swing across the room, covering her up with a receiving blanket and opening the sliding door to allow the cool breeze into the room.  

“I don’t think you can blame him for that,” Kyle reasons. “I mean, that’s a hell of a life he lived. And if he’s pissed that many people off and stepped on that many toes, he’s naturally going to worry about you.  He just wants to keep you safe. He loves you. He doesn’t want anything happening to you.”

“I don’t think you’re quite understanding the depth of his protectiveness,” she stands on her tip toes to snag two mugs from one of the cupboards, throwing a tea bag into each one and covering them with boiling water. “You’ve never seen Tyler in action. What he gets like. Especially when he’s having one of his ‘off days’.”

“Okay,” he takes one of the mugs from his sister and she slips into the chair across from him. “Enlighten me.”

“First, I’m not telling you all of this because I’m complaining about him. Because that’s not what this is. This is about loving him and being worried about him. That’s it.”

“I get that.”

“Second, you do not breathe a word of this to him.  If he knew I was telling you about these things, the shit would hit the fan. He doesn’t even like hearing what I have to say during therapy. And that’s with a professional. So if he finds out that I even mentioned all of this to you....”

“Your secret is safe with me. I promise. Did anyone ever find out about all those secrets we shared as kids? About the time we lit those firecrackers and threw them down Mister Johnson’s cistern? Or how about that time I caught you kissing Jennifer Parker behind the gym after field hockey practice in grade nine?”

“Oh my God,” Esme laughs, and presses her palm to her forehead. “Jennifer Parker. She was a grade eleven! I totally forgot about her. She was hot too. That nose ring and those dreads? I wonder what ever happened to her?”

“I saw her about a week ago, actually. She’s back in town. Married, three kids. Hooked up with a navy guy.”

“Navy,” Esme snorts, and pours milk into her tea. “She could do so much better.”

“Spoken like a true jarhead,” he teases, and reaches out to tousles her hair. “She asked about you, actually. I told her you were in Australia, married, almost half a dozen rug rats. Told me to tell you to look her up on Facebook.  She’d like to touch base.”

“Touch base, huh?” Esme smirks. “Is that what the kids are calling it these days? I do enough ‘touching base’ around here, don’t you think? Isn’t five kids evidence of that?”

“You should look her up. She’d probably love to visit Australia. You know, you can give her a ‘personal tour’.”

“Okay, first of all, I would never, ever cheat on my husband. Second, that’s NOT the kind of marriage we have. And third, even if we did have that kind of marriage, I don’t share. I think you’re not completely understanding how this whole being bi things works, K. You watch way too much porn.”

“It’s completely innocent, I swear. You’re happy, she’s supposedly happy. You can be friends with an ex, you know.”

“Oh don’t you dare find some sneaky way to turn this into me kissing Nik’s ass and trying to be her friend again. Don’t push me, K. If that’s going to happen, it’s going to be on my terms. Not yours.”

“Fair enough. So back to this whole Tyler being protective thing.  What’s the deal? You don’t think he has a reason to be?”

“It’s not that. And I love that man to the ends of the earth and beyond and this isn’t me just bitching about him to bitch about him. This is a legitimate concern.”

“Okay,” Kyle sips his tea. “Go on.”

“First, he’s not like that all the time. He gets into these moods. He’s always been intense. You know that. You’ve seen how intense he can be.  Well this is Tyler’s usual intense times a hundred.  I don’t know who or what sets it off, but he honestly goes into mercenary mode. Like I’m one of the people he’s been hired to protect and get out of shitty situations. It’s not like I’m not even his wife anymore. It’s like I’m....I don’t even know...a mark. Does that make sense?”

"I think so.”

“And he doesn’t realize he’s doing it. I know he doesn’t. Because that’s how his brain works.  It convinces him there’s a threat and a reason to go into hard core protective mode. And part of me loves him for it. That he’s that intense about wanting to keep me safe. But there’s another part that can’t fucking stand it. Because I feel suffocated. Like I can’t even breathe.  I’m not used to being kept under lock and key, K. I’ve never been like that. I’ve always been independent. I’ve always been able to just come and go and take care of myself.”

He nods in agreement.

“It’s like I’m not even a person anymore. It’s like I’m a thing. Like a package he has to keep safe and sound. Do you know how dehumanizing that is? When you don’t even feel like a human being anymore? When you can’t even go into town on your own or meet people and make friends? It’s bullshit. And I get he doesn’t realize what he’s doing or that his brain is convincing him he has to be that way. It’s not his fault. I get that. But fuck, Kyle. I need a life. Outside of being a wife and a mother.”

“Have you ever actually brought his up to him or...?”

Esme nods and sips her tea, struggling to keep back the tears.  It’s frustration. Worry. Helplessness, almost.  “It doesn’t help. Because like I said, he doesn’t even know he’s doing it and doesn’t know just how bad it is.  And then I bring it up and he gets defensive and then I feel like a bad person for hurting his feelings. Which I am not trying to do. And this isn’t so much about me as it is about him. Because I’m worried about him.  Because sometimes it seems like he’s come so far and other times it feels like he’s either stuck where he is or he’s going backwards.  I don’t know what to do.  To help him.”

“What about this therapist you guys are seeing? The marriage counsellor or whatever.”

“We haven’t been since a month before Addie was born. Just because all of the problems I was having trying to get her where she was until she was healthy enough to make her appearance. But we’re going back next week. That should be interesting,” she snorts.  “He’s been so relieved he hasn’t had to go. I can just imagine what the first session back is going to be like.”

“I thought he was going on his own too. For the PTSD.”

“He is. But I don’t know what the hell he talks about when he’s there. I don’t go with him, so....” she shrugs, then drags her hand through her hair and places her elbow on the table, forehead resting on her palm. “.... I just don’t know what to do for him. And I can’t just sit back and let him struggle.  He’s trying so hard, K.  To put everything else behind him. To just concentrate on a normal life. On being a husband and a father. And he’s amazing at both of those things.  He really is.  I just thought it wouldn’t be this hard, I guess. That he’d be able to just walk away and leave everything else behind. But there’s so much in there; in his head. And it just won’t leave him alone.  It won’t let him rest.”

“You can only do so much, kid.  I know that’s not the answer you want to hear. And I wish I had something better to tell you. He just needs more time. It’s only been six months.  Half a year to get over things that have been adding up for what? Two decades? He hasn’t had the easiest go of it. It’s probably hard for him to get used to having a good life.  It’s not what he’s known, right? The job was his life. And then you came along, and everything changed. And that’s not a slight on you. I’m not saying you totally fucked him up even more. Because you coming along was a good thing. Probably the best thing that’s ever happened to him.”

She snorts. “Sometimes I wonder about that.”

“I’m just saying that it’s going to take longer than six months to fix things. To fix him. And that’s not your job, Esme. Just because you’re his wife doesn’t mean it’s entirely up to you. He’s making the effort, right? To fix shit?”

She nods.

“And he’s got the therapist and doctors keeping an eye on him. You’re not the only one that is dealing with this. Stop trying to take it all on yourself. It’s hard, I know. You’ve always been the type to want to take on everything on your own. Even when we were kids. But you’ve got to worry about yourself too. You’ve got your own shit going on and you’ve got five little ones that need their mom to take care of herself. They want to see you happy and healthy.”

“I’m not their only parent,” she reminds him.  “I’m not doing this on my own. And I don’t want to do this on my own.”

“And he’s working on shit, right? He is getting better. Even if it’s slowly. Those kids deserve a mom and a dad that take care of themselves. Where would they be without either of you? Fucked. That’s where they’d be. Who’s going to take them if something happens to you guys? Tyler doesn’t have any family, I’m all the way on the other side of the world practically.”

“But you’d do it. If you had to.”

“Take the kids?  In a heartbeat.  No questions asked. But I can’t just run here whenever you’re having a hard time. I want to, but I can’t. You know that.”

“I know...” she runs the palms of her hands along the side of her mug. “...I just...I don’t know...I wish you were closer, that’s all.”

“Well you never know what could happen, right? After Nik and I tie the knot. Maybe this will be one of the places she wants to settle down in. We’ve been making a list. Talking about it a lot. Where we’d like to put down roots.”

“You wouldn’t stay in Colorado?”

“If that’s where she wants to be, sure.  But once you left, there wasn’t much there for me anymore. I’m the black sheep now. In the family. And to be honest, I kind of like it. Everyone leaves me the hell alone.  I don’t have to put up with anyone’s bullshit.  They just keep their distance and I’m good with it. So it wouldn’t really matter if I left. I’d pretty much follow her anyway.”

“Okay wait a second...” Esme laughs. “....is that the same shit you gave me hell for? Just taking off and starting a new life?”

“At least I’m giving everyone a warning and letting them get a chance to get used to it. You just did it. Which took some balls, by the way. That took huge balls. Just saying ‘fuck everything’ and sticking around for some guy you barely knew. And before you argue with me about that, fucking someone for five days is not really knowing them, so....”

She gives a sly smile. “That was one hell of a five days, let me tell you.”

“I know you ruffled a lot of feathers when you did you, but I was proud as hell. My kid sister just not giving a fuck about anyone or anything. That was a ballsy move. I was impressed. And you know who else would have been? Dad.”

“Dad would have been pissed and you know it. That I gave everything up for a man? Remember how he used to drill it into my head growing up that I needed to be strong and independent and rely on no one but myself? Because I remember that.”

“You were a teenager. His tone would have changed once you became an adult.”

“Well he didn’t get that far, did he,” she sighs, and fights back tears.

“He would have been so proud of you kid. For doing what you did. And for the life you’ve created for yourself. You can’t tell me he wouldn’t be. And those kids? He would have adored those kids and you know it.”

“I know,” her voice cracks and she swipes at the tears that manage to escape. “That’s the hardest part, you know. That he didn’t get to see them. Because he was so good with all his other grandkids. He got a chance to meet them and spend time with everyone else's kids. It’s not fair. That he didn’t get that chance with mine.”

“It does suck. It sucks huge. You were his first girl. That was a massive deal for him. A girl after all those boys? He would have been extra close to those kiddos. I know he would have.”

“I didn’t think it would bother me as much as it does,” she admits. “I mean, he’s been gone for twenty years now, K. And some days it hurts just as much now as it did then. Sometimes I’ll look at the kids and they’ll do something or say something that reminds me so much of him and I think ‘I should call him or send him a picture’. And then I remember that I can’t.  And that hurts. It hurts a lot.”

“I know,” he reaches out and rubs her arm comfortingly.  “Sometimes it comes up and bites me in the ass too.”

“Can you not talk about this?”  she sniffles and uses the sleeve of her sleeve of her swimsuit cover up to clear away the tears. “I really do not want to talk about this.”

He gives a sympathetic smile, then picks up her empty mug and shakes it. “More?”

She nods. “Thanks.”

They fall into a comfortable silence; Kyle moving easily around the kitchen as he prepares more tea and searches the cupboards and the fridge for something to eat. Settling on a large bowl of leftover fruit salad and a container of yogurt, preparing plates for both of them.  

“Holy domestic,” Esme teases, when he sets down the mug of tea and the plate of food.  

“Well it’s not like I had to actually cook anything or prepare it myself,” he points out, and drops into his chair once more.  “But I’ve been picking up some new skills. If I’m going to be a husband, I need to be able to more than just use a can opener or a microwave, I figure.”

“Especially since I know that Nik can’t cook for shit,” she laughs.

“Right? If there was a way to burn cereal, she would do it. If I eat another plate of half cooked pasta, I may snap.”

“But I bet you keep your mouth shut so you won’t hurt her feelings, right? Don’t worry. I get it. Tyler used to do the same thing. The first year was nothing but shitty meals. And he’d just sit there and suck it up and eat whatever I fed him. He was such a good sport. And it wasn’t bad enough to kill him, so...” she shrugs.  

“You guys have come a long way, that’s for sure.”

She nods in agreement.  

They don’t speak for several minutes; enjoying the view of the ocean and each other’s company and the little sounds that Addie makes her in sleep.

“You know mom’s sick, right?” Kyle pipes up.

“Denny called me just after Addie was born and told me.”  Denny. Daniel. The second oldest.  A state police officer with more ego than common sense and good taste.

“Yeah, he kind of took that over. I wanted to call you, but he insisted that he do it.  And once Denny gets set on something...”

“He’s a total dick,” Esme concludes. “He called and hung up twice because Tyler answered. Like, grow up.”

“Tyler scares the shit out of him. And Denny doesn’t scare easily.”

“Fuck, Denny. He called for one thing and then went off on a rant about me being so far away and only thinking about myself and how selfish and childish I am and blah blah blah.  I don’t need his shit. And I won’t put up with it. Tyler finally got on the phone and lost his shit on him. It was epic. And so perfect. I don’t think Denny will be phoning again for a quite a while.”

“He means well, but...”

“As Millie would say ‘he’s a dick head’.  But yes. He told me mom is sick. And? What do you want me to do about it?”

“You’re her daughter.”

“No. I’m not. I’m dead to her, remember? Those were her exact words. That if I stayed with Tyler, me and the kids were dead to her.”

“A lot of shitty things were said that night,” Kyle reasons.

“She’s been saying shitty things for years. Why does that one night surprise you so much?”

“You can’t carry that around forever, Esme. The things she’s said and done. You just can’t.”

“Really? You just watch me.  She’s toxic, K.  She wished death on my husband. That is not okay. That is far from okay. And I’m not going to be around someone like that. And I’m definitely not letting my kids be around something like that.”

“It’s bad, Esme. Worse than the doctors initially thought. That cancer’s metastasized. It’s spreading quick.  Alarmingly quick.”

“Not my problem, Kyle. I can’t do anything about it. I’m not a doctor.”

“She’s your mother.”

“She was never a mother and you know that. Stop making her out to be Carol Brady or June Cleaver. She’s more what Captain Spaulding from House of a Thousand Corpses would be like if he became a parent.”

“She wants to see you,” he says once again.

“Good for her. I’m not interested. She spoke her truth, Kyle. About how she feels about me and my husband and my kids. There’s no taking that back.”

“I’m not asking you to forgive her. Because what she said is unforgivable. I’m asking you to just go and see her and talk to her. Hear what she has to say.”

“That woman won’t have anything good to say to me. Even on her death bed.”

“Do you really want that on your conscience? Not going to see her before she dies? You really want to be holding onto that?”

“I’m not the one who should have a guilty conscience. I hope her conscience bothers her to her last breath. But I know it won’t. Because she has no conscience. She has no heart. She’s evil, Kyle. Always has been. And maybe this is karma. Maybe all her shit has finally caught up to her.”

He frowns. “That’s pretty harsh, don’t you think.”

“I said what I said,” she drops her fork onto her plate and stands up when Addie begins to fuss in the swing. “You won’t change my mind, Kyle. So you can stop while you’re ahead. Quit wasting your time.  I feel nothing towards her. And she deserves that.”

He sighs heavily. “Esme...”

“My mother died a long time ago,” she says, and carries Addie from the room.

#tyler rake #tyler rake fan fic #tyler rake fan fiction #extraction #best part of me #chris hemsworth character

[kinghoranshit]

Tell Me a Lie (NH) Ch 3

Word Count: 2,065

Warnings: Swearing

I snapped a pretzel in half and munched on it. I dipped the other half into the small jar of peanut butter and popped it into my mouth before I flipped the piece of paper to the other side. I was deep in editing mode for Stone Cold. 

I had talked to my manager about the upcoming events since there were red carpet dates already locked down for later that year, and she approved them, along with congratulations on the romance. But I was not able to get any definitive days off to truly work on Stone Cold, so I was still back to my weird schedule to get it finished on time. 

Out of bad habit, I clicked my power button on my phone and looked at the screen for anything to distract me for a short second. There was a message from Niall. 

N: Yoo, it’s go time . 

L: Really? What about publicity photos?

N: This is gonna work better . I’m gonna use one of our old selfies . 

L: Haha You mean from backstage in Chicago? That was like 6 months ago... 

N: It’s the only recent once we’ve got , Kelly . 

It’ll work 

L: I guess you’re right.

N: I am (: 

Be ready for it . 

Now, an Instagram notification came up and I already knew who it was from. I pulled down my notifications bar to see it and tapped it. I swear my heart stopped at the caption. 

@NiallOfficial: You know I don’t like lying to you all, but I’ve kept this a secret . For the sake of wanting our first few months to be only us . Well , those few months turned into a full year . I couldn’t be happier with this woman ! She makes me feel like I’m on cloud 9 . She even makes the golf losses better haha

He’d also tagged me. It was another requirement for social media; all posts had to be tagged. I was suddenly super nervous. This was actually it. There were so many new follows, likes, and comments on my account, and people were commenting congrats underneath Niall’s; though it wasn’t hard to miss a few of the mean wishes. 

K: So…. this is really it?

N: Yup . You got this , Kelly !   

K: There weren’t that many restrictions to the socials, surprisingly…

Do I have to follow people back? 

N: Haha no ! Follow who ya want 

K: Cool

A Twitter notification popped up on my top bar. I pulled it down to see Niall had tagged me in a photo there as well, and it was similarly worded to Instagram. At least it wasn’t a total copy and paste, that wasn’t necessarily Niall’s style. The Twitter notifications also started to flow in and I knew there had to be some way to filter them or this was going to be overwhelming.

K: Please tell me there’s a way to filter the notifications 

N: Absolutely , under your settings there should be a way to just get ones of people you follow 

If you get verified , I’ll help you with those 

K: Who said anything about me getting verified? 

N: Kelly , don’t act so cavalier love . It’ll happen eventually . 

I’ll walk you through it , I had Modest to help me and you’ve got me to help you

K: Duh duh DUHHHH

N: Okay , if you don’t want it I won ‘t give it to ya 

K: You know you will anyway

You loooove me 

N: Augh

You’re right 

***

I finally gathered the courage to thoroughly go through my Twitter notifications. I figured that the most recent ones may not be necessarily nice since I had been MIA for a few days after Niall’s initial post. But could they really blame me? I didn’t think so. 

My Twitter followers went from literally 450 to 38K. Just cause I was Niall’s “girlfriend”? That’s just… I couldn’t lie, I never followed the boys’ girlfriends or PR girlfriends, whatever they were to them. I didn’t have much to say to this. 

I decided to make a tweet first before doing anything else. 

@kellygarden: Sorry I’ve been MIA y’all. About to get interactive though! How about a Q&A? Hashtag #AskKelly :) 

I used the time of people asking questions to go through some of those following me and follow a few. And when I say a few, I mean a few. I might do a follow spree at some point and do a hundred or a couple hundred people. 

I about shit my pants seeing some of those who were following me that I was already following. Like Tom Holland, all the 5SOS boys, the other lads from One Direction, and Selena Gomez. Holy shit. What? Why? I was having a hard time believing this, but I couldn’t stop a smile from crossing my lips. So unreal. 

I searched my hashtag now and looked at some of the questions, replying to some. 

@Fuckmeniall: @KellyGarden Was it love at first sight? #AskKelly

@KellyGarden: @Fuckmeniall First off, love your @ . It was more like love at first coffee - we met at a cafe in London :)

@DamagedQueen: @KellyGarden Hw old r u? Wt do u do? #AskKely PS luv ur layout<3

@KellyGarden: Aww thanks so much! I’m 24 and a novel editor for a publishing house in London. 

@Jocylnbitch: @KellyGarden I don’t really like you, but I have a question about Niall. What’s he like in bed? #AskKelly

@KellyGarden: @Jocylnbitch: Glad to hear your opinion about me. And I don’t think that’s any of your business. 

@Rylanroll: @KellyGarden R u a virgin? #AskKelly

@KellyGarden: @Rylanroll Are you old enough to be asking this question? But no, I’m not.

@Hannable: @KellyGarden If you could clone yourself, would you? Why? #AskKelly

@KellyGarden: @Hannable I would. As selfish as this is, I’d have my clone to do my work so I could go see the world and be with Nialler.

@Uplousass: @KellyGarden Have you met the other boys yet? Freddie? #AskKelly

@KellyGarden: @Uplousass Props for the @, I’m dying! *laugh crying face emoji* I haven’t... and I’m not going to force any of them to meet me if they choose not to. 

@NiallOfficial: @KellyGarden How far are you up my ass? #AskKelly

@KellyGarden: @NiallOfficial I would be Hella far up if you weren’t so far up mine already :P

@Michael5SOS: @KellyGarden CAN I MEET YOU?! ASDLFKAS #AskKelly

@KellyGarden: @Michael5SOS DLKASLGA YEAH IF YA WANT 

@lukecummings: @KellyGarden Have you ever written fanfiction? #AskKelly

@KellyGarden: @lukecummings I have, but they’re cringy af. I’m not kidding on that. They will never resurface the web. 

@Astheticnolan: @KellyGarden What are you favorite smells on earth? #AskKelly

@KellyGarden: @Astheticnolan COFFEE, books, rain, You&I perfume, flowers, Niall’s cologne

@Haywire: @KellyGarden What’s your music taste? #AskKelly

@KellyGarden: @Haywire My music library is on crack. I could be listening to 1D, then it could go to Skillet, Ed, Counting Crows, M83, etc. It’s a wide range, except no Country.

@Luke5SOS: @KellyGarden Is that lame band 5SOS not in your music library? :(

@KellyGarden: @Luke5SOS Pft yes, yes they are in my music library. It’s full of lame bands lmfao

@Daylight5SOS: @KellyGarden Have you talked with the other boys? #AskKelly

@KellyGarden: @Daylight5SOS Yeah, Louis. 

@Louis_Tomlinson: @KellyGarden Do look forward to officially meeting you. Freddie son says hi.

@KellyGarden: @Louis_Tomlinson I look forward to it as well. Stay safe you two x.

@Penofhope: @KellyGarden Favorite genre to write? #AskKelly

@KellyGarden: @Penofhope Fiction. YA. Mainly Fantasy and Sci-fi. 

@Clotheswhore: @KellyGarden What's your aesthetic? #AskKelly

@KellyGarden: @Clotheswhore By your @ I’m going to assume you mean my clothes aesthetic? I’d say it’s a little bit of everything - I can’t stick to one thing lol

@Niallsride: @KellyGarden Do you drive? #AskKelly

@KellyGarden: @Niallsride I do. Both car and motorcycle/bikes.

@Monaymaker: @KellyGarden Do you drink? #AskKelly

@KellyGarden: @Monaymaker I do socially.

@Harry_Styles: @KellyGarden I look forward to meeting you. Niall is a lucky guy. All the love. H. #AskKelly

@KellyGarden: @Harry_Styles Thank you so much, H! Soon I hope x.

@Horanyass: @KellyGarden How many kids do you want? Gender ? Would you like to have them with Niall? #AskKelly

@KellyGarden: @Horanyass 2 or 3, any gender, and if I happen to have my kids with Niall then I’d be happy about it :)

@Styleskid: @Kellyiebabes Fave bromances of 1D and 5SOS? #AskKelly

@KellyGarden: @Styleskid All the ones with Luke and Niall, Cashton, and Lilo. 

@5Saucelove: @KellyGarden Pancakes or waffles? #AskKelly

@KellyGarden: @5Saucelove Waffles all the way! X.

@Horanhasmyheart: @KellyGarden Have you heard any songs off Niall’s upcoming album? #AskKelly

@KellyGarden: @Horanhasmyheart Nope, he’s super secretive about it. I’m gonna be just as shook as all of you! Looking forward to it! 

I looked at all the ones I answered, smiling a bit at a few of them. I didn’t realize how many I answered or how much time had passed. I had to be on a work call soon, which could go until midnight because of the time difference. 

@KellyGarden: Gotta get back to work. Thank you all for the questions! I’ll be doing another one of these soon, yeah?

I didn’t wait for any of the replies before I locked my phone and set my laptop up for Zoom. 

***

I huffed, observing the cherry patterned and floral dresses in my hands, and the pile of other choices I thought about taking to LA. I was so indecisive right now. How many outfits did I really need? Five days worth, but on top of some clothes for clubbing possibly, and pjs. But if I packed something I didn’t want to wear, I didn’t really want to wear the same thing. Why was I like this?

I huffed once again and flopped down onto the mass. I leave tomorrow and need to get this sorted out. After another half hour of stalling, I willed myself to get back up and actually pack. I decided on six solid outfits, on top of one clubbing fit and pjs. It seemed like the safest route.

N: Get in loser , we’re going to see Paps 

K: Hah hah like oh my god they don’t even go here 

I finally just packed. How’s LA? 

N: Kelly, you’re such a procrastinator 

LA is ready for you 

K: But I don’t know if I’m ready for LA 

N: Ooo so cliche , you’re both ready. 

See you tomorrow x

K: See you tomorrow xo

***

As much as I’d love to say I could handle getting myself to my flight on my own, I couldn’t. I hadn’t flown in a few years and that had been with a group of others. I was flying by myself now, and I have to do all the checking in and such as well. 

I took a deep breath as I approached the security check line. I set my purse and backpack in one bin and my duffel in another before setting them on the metal rods that would take it through a detecting machine. I waited for the woman to wave me through the detecting machine, and I went through fine. I mean, I didn’t have anything that would set it off. 

Once my stuff came through the other end of the metal rods line, I grabbed it and put the bins in the pile that was started. When I started walking away to find my gate, I realized I was stupid to be so nervous about going through the line. 

Finding my gate wasn’t hard. It helped that the Cedar Rapids Airport was small. There’s like eight gates. I settled myself in a seat to wait until boarding was called. I took my phone out and busied myself with Instagram and Tumblr; I just scrolled through my feed, liking and reblogging stuff. 

“Gate B is now boarding. If you are first class, you have a separate line. If you are G1 for the coach cabin, you can now board.”

That was me. 

I took another deep breath, grabbing my three bags, and I walked over to the woman. She took my ticket, ripping off the part she needed, and then handed it back to me. “Enjoy your flight.”

“Thanks,” I replied. 

I walked through the terminal and onto the fairly small plane. It was more of a jet. I found my seat and settled everything. I followed the directions given by the fly attendant as I waited for the plane to actually take off, and finally, we moved to be on the runway and ascended into the air. 

Next: Ch 4

[Masterlist]

#Niall Horan #NH #Niall Horan fic #Niall Horan fanfiction #NH fic #NH fanfiction #fic #fanfiction #comedy #romance #drama #Tell Me a Lie

[theuniversitychallengereview]

UC 49.28-32, QF Mega-Blog

What better thing to do, when forced to stay at home during the outbreak of a global virus that threatens not only millions of peoples lives but the very fabric of society as we know it, than catch up on watching and writing about the quiz show whose previous four episodes you had missed for various reasons, all of which seem frivolous following the outbreak of a global virus that threatens not only millions of peoples lives but the very fabric of society as we know it. Also, I kept seeing that Twitter meme about Shakespeare having written King Lear during the plague quarantine and fancied getting involved.

Its also the only sport of any kind that can be found on TV for love nor money (apart from the Turkish Superlig, which for some reason thinks itself immune). Maybe the Premier League should try out pre-recording like the Challenge, for precisely this kind of situation. Just get Salah, De Bruyne and all the boys together for a few kick-abouts, film a few goals and slide tackles and all that, and keep the footage for a rainy day. Or send a camera round Serena Williams’ gaff, log a couple of serves and forehands, cut it together - BOOM, there’s your Wimbledon final if Greta decides tennis is too carbon-heavy.

All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen University Challenge postponed due to a  global virus that threatens not only millions of peoples lives but the very fabric of society as we know it (although, as I write this I’m realising that the recordings of next years show will probably be delayed. Shit)

Episode 28 - Courtauld vs Imperial

Whenever I’ve not written one of these for a while it takes me a while to figure out what the heck it is I’m doing. Like, what do I usually write about? How have I managed to put out 118 of these? Do you reckon Shakespeare felt the same way when he was between plays - would he sit down with his quill and parchment and wonder aloud, ‘What the fuck is an iambic pentameter and how do I find one?’ (If I 1: knew the answer to that question; and 2: could be bothered, then I would have written that question in iambic pentameter, but you should know by now you’re dealing with one lazy blogger).

Anyway, Imperial had blazed aside all before them in the opening two rounds, thanks in no small part to the efforts of mercurial star Brandon, whose laconic style has drawn unfair criticism as arrogance. Thats how it always goes with the social media juries though - if a contestant displays any level of confidence above the bare minimum then they’re too big for their boots. But then if they grin and seem really happy when they get an answer that’ll probably annoy some people too. Almost as if they can’t win and there’s no point playing this game to appease the kind of people who get annoyed at kids on quiz shows.

The Courtauld side fall into the grinning category. They all four of them seem genuinely delighted to be on the show, and even more delighted that they managed to win two matches and make it to the quarter finals - their second round defeat of Glasgow a particularly impressive performance.

Glasgow were a good side, but Imperial are a different gravy, and Courtauld, after a neg on the opening question, seem like rabbits in the headlights (when they should have been at home, the whole country’s on lockdown, dammit Peter!) as Brandon sycthes down question after question, fearful to fall further below zero in case they can’t make it back up again.

For a while it looked as though that might end up being the case, as Imperial pranced into a hundred point lead within six questions, but Haigh finally stopped the rot, and Courtauld would add some respectability over the rest of the episode. In truth, it was clear from that point onwards that the race had been run, and Brandon seemed to relax from thereon out, and his teammates picked up the slack, though that seems like doing them a disservice, as they all seem very accomplished in their own right.

Final Score: Courtauld 75 - 240 Imperial

Episode 29 - Trinity, Cam vs Corpus Christi, Cam

Right, on to the next, and for Ep 29 we had our first Cam-Cam slugfest of the series. There had already been plenty of Ox-Cam derbies of course, you can’t move for them half the time, but no inter-collegiate battles thus far. Whoever won would become the first side to reach the semi-finals, with Trinity having beaten Manchester and Corpus Wolfson in their respective opening quarter final clashes.

Stewart, who doesn’t look like he would be out of place in the Byzantine Empire, gets Corpus off the mark with ‘Byzantine’ (I have basically no idea what this comparison would actually mean, or if it is in fact a sick burn, but I feel like he has an old-timey medieval look about him and felt like this should not go unaddressed. Like, he wouldn’t look strange wearing a tunic, would he?).

Russell and Wang increased the lead before Hughes got Trinity into the game with what looked like a semi-guess on a maths-y starter. Paxman, who clearly enjoys toying with the Corpus captain, then gets Wang for the second match in a row with a double serving of Boomer sarcasm. When Wang rather dejectedly says, ‘Its not Isaac Asimov, is it? No’, the quizmaster further interrogates him as to whether he was giving a question or an answer, much in the way an irritating geography teacher would parrot ‘Of course you can go to the toilet, the question is whether or not you may’. He’s right though, and Corpus gobble up two more bonuses on sci-fi writers.

Another starter went to Stewart, and a first for Gunasekera. Corpus were starting to look comfortable, but a brief flurry from Trinity around the music round looks like it might bring them into contention. But that’s all it was, the briefest of flurries, like that random day in April or October where someone says ‘is it snowing?, and you all look out of the window, but before you can actually work out if it really was snowing or if it was some sort of white rain, its stopped.

Corpus stretch their legs now, and find themselves beyond two hundred points before Trinity turn themselves back on, which they eventually do, building up to a not-disgraceful 80 before the gong.

Final Score: Trinity 80 - 245 Corpus

Episode 30 - Manchester vs Wolfson, Ox

Because I do this on Tumblr, one of the most annoying things about doing this (and I know its dumb), and something that I think might subconsciously play into me not doing these more regularly, is that when I try and add the pictures of the teams to the post it quite often takes ages and sometimes causes the page to freeze so that I can’t save/post it. This problem is exacerbated when there are multiple episodes to get through, which makes it one of those snowballing problems that only gets worse the longer you leave it - like when you put off repying to an email until it becomes almost a monolithic entitiy in your mind. 

It only takes a few minutes to fix this - you copy and paste the text and then add the images in a different window (though there is another annoying thing where the hashtags don’t save anyway, so you have to retype the hashtags - and for some reason I always add loads of hashtags, including #JeremyPaxman - which also feels like it takes an epoch) - but its one of those few minute periods that feel like fifteen minutes. So basically, what I’m saying is that I can’t be assed adding the pictures to the post at this point. I might add them later, but for now you’re just getting words, so, so many rambling words. 

Manchester are back in the last eight for the first time in donkeys, but they stand on the precipice following a trouncing by Trinity in their QF-opener (I’ve already mentioned this in the last review, which normally wouldn’t matter, but since its directly above this one then it might seem a bit repetitive, but I don’t know if I can rely on your having remembered). Wolfson were likewise (likewise were? Are both okay) baeten by Corpus Christi (which is also referenced above, sorry) so this one was an ELIMINATOR!

Neither side seemed to realise this from the off though (I say though too much don’t I? If I had more time I’d probably edit a few down. But I’m doing a 5-episode mega-post so I don’t, though. Shit. Actually, that one was on purpose winky face) and sort of stumble through the first few questions with some atrocious work on the bonuses. 

Green thought he’d pulled a great answer out of the bag to kick start the match, but Fanny Burney Fanny Burnett is not, and Paxo decries the crowd for being amused at how close Green had come (they having let out a collective ‘oooh’, much in the same way their footballing equivalent may have done at a smashed crossbar). 

Even Jones, so electric in her previous appearances, was a bit slow off the mark tonight. On one occasion she even overruled her teammates conferred and agreed upon answer at the last moment, giving her own guess which they had dismissed, but fortunately for her they had both been wrong, so she did not look a fool.

Manchester were ahead, but couldn’t get far ahead. Wolfson were within touching distance, but couldn’t touch. Not until the very end that is. Caple took the final starter to draw them level and the gong sounded before th first bonus could be asked. DEADLOCK.

A #DEADLOCKELIMINATOR no less.

Paxman explains that a Neg on this question would hand victory to the other team without them lifting a buzzer-finger. He starts reading, no one buzzes. He continues to read. Everyone continues to not buzz. He carries on r- BUZZ. 

Manchester Rogers. Three words left on Paxo’s lips. He better be right. Kaiser Wilhelm. He isn’t. Otto Von Bismarck. An easy mistake to make, says Paxo. 

I reckon Wolfson would have picked up the drop anyway, but you can’t be sure.

My fellow UC blog, jacksonlinewritings, says that its the first time a neg has lost a tiebreak since 2002/03. 

Final Score: Manchester 125 - 130 Wolfson.

Episode 31 - Durham vs Imperial.

I don’t know if this is the first time I’ve written about the same team twice in one post before, but it may well be. Either way, you can (and probably already have) read everything I had to say about Imperial Brandon, my favourite contestant this series, further up this very page, so I don’t need to reiterate.

Durham’s Tams beats him to what I thought was a relatively easy starter on the Magna Carta (just spent a few minutes trying to come up with another word to rhyme with carta, thought it would be easy, but it was a bit harda). He gets the next one though (though) and his Captain Rich the third to give them the lead. Their opponents proved a tougher nut to crack than Courtauld though (though, and I’m not doing this on purpose. I’m just not removing them when I probably should be. They’re all coming up naturally. This is just how much I apparently use the word. If there are any others then please let me know) and cling on whenever Brandon threatens to zoom away.

Please forgive me for going on about Brandon, by the way. He’s just (I think ‘just’ is probably one, and probably ‘probably’ too) so captivating to watch. There were several times in this episode when I stopped watching the whole screen during a starter and focussed on him, expecting him to buzz in, which he duly did. Especially on the starters which are that bit more important, when Durham were (I need to do something about my tenses too, they’re all over the shop) threatening to make a comeback, you could feel certain that he was going to get it.

When the game has been won, he relaxes, so his personal scores haven’t been as high as those of others in past series, but he hasn’t needed to get more than he has done, so why would he bother? I expect if a team were to push Imperial close over a whole match then he’d easily post double figures.

Imperial join Corpus Christi in the semis. Durham live to fight another day.

Final Score: Durham 115 - 185 Imperial

Episode 32 - Jesus, Ox vs Courtauld

Phew! I’ve never written four in a night before. That was quite something. Wait, whats that, I have another one to go? Okay, lets do this - an advance warning, this one will probably (probably! Why do I feel the need to never be absolute about anything. I know for certain that this will be very short, so why must I try and placate some imaginary reader who might scold me for its being so?) be very short.

So, another ELIMINATOR. Courtauld were my favourite team of the series, but I harboured little hope for them, after such a crushing defeat by Imperial last time out, and Jesus were quick to crush what little I had left. Lucy Clarke, who absolutely relishes a buzz on the opening starter of a match, came in with an early buzz, as is her wont, and fortunately for the Oxonians she was right this time. She got the next one too, and Jesus were 45 up.

Three in a row for Courtauld captain Prance, who looks shocked every time he gets a starter correct, despite the fact that when he got the third of this hat-trick, he had quite clearly proved to himself that he knows how to answer starter questions by the fact that (the fact that Ducks, Newburyport) he had got the previous two. They were ahead now. Dare I dream?

No, I daren’t. Jesus quickly stole it back, and did not let it go. Courtauld stayed fairly close, but could never again broach the gap, struggling on the bonus questions whenever they got in. Perhaps on another night they might have stood a better chance (with a bonus set on collage art, which Paxman reckoned they would have knocked out of the park, going to Jesus), but tonight (its not tonight at all is it, not for me and not for you) was not their night.

And breathe...

Final Score: Jesus, Ox 135 - 90 Courtauld

If you’ve stuck with me through all of this, I’m frankly amazed. Thank you, and if you need something to do during self-isolation, there are like 6 whole series of the Challenge on YouTube. I haven’t reviewed them all, but thats probably for the best though.

#university challenge #bbc2 #manchester #jesus #oxford #wolfson #cambridge #corpus christi #durham #imperial #london #trinity #Courtauld #Jeremy Paxman