#I have so so so so many pictures and I am struggling not to dump them

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

01/15/2024 Crew Recap

Hey all, today has been a very very very long day. I’m typing this with my eyeballs glazed over and half open. However, so much has happened in such a little amount of time I wanted share a few things before I pass out I know a lot of you are in different timezones, are busy with life, and taking a break, so maybe this will help with parsing through some of the crazy stuff the crew has been up to.

The petition hit 50K, and is at 52.5K at the moment

Fundraisers: I didn’t even realize there were two different fundraisers for Palestine/Gaza going on but we blew both out of the water. (Note: the second picture is from a November campaign but I think its just as important to highlight— ty for the correction anon!)

The Emmys hashtag turn out was great tonight. There was some pretty amazing and creative stuff going on across all the platforms. Some can be seen on IG, but if you wanna see the majority of it, check out twitter #SaveOFMD #75thEmmys

---We have new ways of protesting and advocating for our show, see here for the thread on tumblr (from twitter):---

And to support that @saltpepperbeard was kind enough to put together a wonderful guide on how to Call It Through as a Crew: Alleviating Some Phone Anxiety which as someone who is socially anxious and sometimes verbally vomits on people when on the phone, is AMAZING and thank you so much for doing that to help.

-- > There is also this new thread on some new places to call into. Don't quote me on that being an official thing we should do, I'm sure @renewasacrew and others will have more in the AM, I just wanted to share it so people could follow if they wanted to.

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New Articles!

Our Flag Means Death: Here’s why season three deserves to be aired

Petition to save BBC show with rare Rotten Tomatoes score gets 50,000 signatures

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There's so much more that's happened today-- but I can't write it all down because my brain is couscous.

<---So instead, I'm going to use this last part to gush over you all and your amazing contributions in all your unique ways. The community support the last few days has been SO INCREDIBLY UPLIFTING.-->

I saw (and experienced) people reblogging asks where random followers, anons, and mutuals just reached out and sent love because they could tell people were struggling.

I've seen comments all over the place on Tumblr, IG, Twitter, and Facebook where each and every person is encouraging each other to speak their mind, or complimenting their artwork, encouraging them if they were feeling uncomfortable with things outside their comfort zones, coming up with new and exciting ways to fight back, people reaching out to the cast/crew just to say hi and remind them we love them.

I've seen Self-Care checkpoints all over, reminding people to drink water, take a break, block your notifications for a while, not engaging in negative behavior.

I've seen people being so nice on instagram posts that the people who were being dicks about all our comments turned around and decided to watch OFMD!

I saw so many people doing new analysis of scenes and characters, and having really deep and friendly discussions that make everyone think in new ways.

I saw people digging through old tumblrs to bring life back to old posts and artwork.

I saw so much NEW artwork, new FICS! New GIFS! So much new art and love!

I could literally go on and on, but I've just...I had to dump this out of my brain otherwise I'd explode. I've just seen so much today that continues to make me so proud of our little safe space ship and so happy to be apart of this community.

You all continue to be the best of the best of humans, and I am so very grateful to get to witness and be apart of it. Rest up lovelies and have a good day / night, wherever you may be. May you dream of sexy middle-aged gay men kissing, or hugging, or whatever else you want them to be getting into.

#ofmd #our flag means death #stede bonnet #gentlebeard #edward teach #renew as a crew #rhys darby #blackbonnet #save our flag means death #save ofmd #ofmd s3 #renew our flag means death #renew ofmd #ofmd daily recap

[where-i-overanalyze]

Maka and Crona gay moment masterpost (part 1)

a mix of the manga and the anime!! there's a lot. gonna try and go in chronological order, and then i'll put the anime stuff at the end since the manga ending is devastating. this is an extremely scholarly and serious post, so take everything i say literally because i am the gay people expert.

this will be two parts b/c of the sheer amount of images i will be using and my computer is crying, but i will make sure both parts are completely ready to post and then post them at the same time

beginning: the first encounter

girliker Crona. gayass can't even make eye contact with Maka while they fight. truly, this is nervous gay person behavior

fight to the death

only gay people would fight like this

soul shenanigans

fellas, is it gay to see the raw essence of your fighting opponent's soul, cradle it in your arms, and immediately describe it as beautiful???

this is gay as hell

school

breaking news: gay person doesn't know how to hold hands or fist bump

these are arguably two of the gayest moments. i don't even have the words to explain how. Crona protecting Maka. the fact that Crona gave Maka that many flowers when the coffin was shown earlier, completely devoid of flowers. gay gay homosexual gay.

inevitably, now we get a bit sad

but first, gotta make sure you walk home your crush (but only if they need it of course)

then you notice they're down in the dumps (aka facing The Horrors)

only gay people go to cafes. everyone in this picture is GAY. (idek if they went to a cafe here they're just standing in front of it)

and then Maka spends and entire night stewing about how to approach them after witnessing their conversation with Eruka, then after that Crona disappears, Maka doesn't even see them again until they meet again in the church. it is time for pain.

my computer is struggling for some reason to add more pictures, so now is a good time to make a part 2, starting with pain and probably ending in it. i will include the happy anime gay moments there.

#soul eater #soul eater manga #soul eater anime #crona gorgon #crona soul eater #maka albarn #maka soul eater #medusa soul eater #croma #crona x maka #cromaka

[lovepersevering13]

elaborate on tori springs autism

Ok I’m gonna start this by saying that the topic I’m most passionate about in the entire universe is Tori Spring (As well as Michael, Charlie and Oliver) being a very autistic coded character and so this post is a very long info dump about it because it consumes almost all of my waking thoughts.

Anyway, quick summary, I believe that Tori Spring has autism because of her social struggles, mannerisms and general outlook on life. Like how she always talks about not fitting in, she gets really obsessed with specific things (Star Wars and Solitaire) and she struggles to express her emotions, often leading up to an intense emotional outburst (Autistic meltdown).

Forewarning - I am obviously not a licensed psychiatrist (I’m literally just a mentally ill teenage girl) and so I don’t actually have the capability to diagnose anyone, I just have a lot of time to waste studying the DSM-5-TR (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision) and analysing Tori Spring. Also, Autism is different for everyone and this is just one perspective of it based on research and the DSM-5 which obviously doesn’t cover every autistic persons experience. OH, Also, I tried really hard to focus on using ‘person-first’ language when I was writing it but I may have messed up a few times so let me know if I did! Also let me know if there is anything else incorrect here so I can fix it :)

Ok now that’s out of the way I will start with what we know is true: Tori Spring likely struggles with Depression. It’s a generally accepted fact amoungst the fandom due to Tori’s negative outlook on life and suicidal ideation (at the end of Solitiare). Now, why is this relevant? Well Autism and Depression are often comorbid diagnosis, people with Autism being 4 times more likely than Neurotypical’s to experience a diagnosis of Depression.

So she’s already got that going for her, let’s take a look at Solitaire and some excerpts from that which highlight different aspects of the Autism diagnostic criteria in the DSM-5. This is based of what I annotated the first time I read Solitaire about a year ago there may be more that I missed.

A. Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction

Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity, ranging, for example, from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back-and-forth conversation; to reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect; to failure to initiate or respond to social interactions.

- “No- Tori just held a conversation by herself” - Becky Allen, Solitaire, Page 28

- “I think you’re breaking down.” I cough loudly. “I’m not a car.” Solitaire, page 311.

In this quote Tori is taking things wayyy too literally which is common amoungst many people with Autism due to the way they process information.

- “I think… it’s unlikely that anyone would want to catch a grenade for anyone else. Or jump I doesn’t of a train for anyone else. That’s very counterproductive.” Solitaire, Page 45

Again the literal thinking (I also have this exact thought every time I hear this song).

- “I drift away and picture myself….” Solitaire, Page 33

Ok so I didn’t want to include this entire quote because it’s really long but essentially she’s thinking about what it would be like to be, for lack of better word, neurotypical. To be confident in social interactions and always say the right thing, say things that people are interested in and to not be awkward or shy.

- “I quite like cats, and I saw it for the first time at lunch in the cafeteria. I almost felt like I’d made a new friend,” Solitaire, Page 68

Often people with Autism prefer interaction with animals, this is theorised to be because social interaction with animals can compensate for a lack of social interaction with peers. Oh also a lot of people say that cats are kinda autistic coded animals because of their similar mannerisms to people with autism.

- “Emotions are humanities fatal disease.” Solitaire, Page 346

2. Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction, ranging, for example, from poorly integrated verbal and nonverbal communication; to abnormalities in eye contact and body language or deficits in understanding and use of gestures; to a total lack of facial expressions and nonverbal communication.

- “I think it’s important to make the effort. Social conventions and all,” Solitaire, page 43

- “I need to control my staring” Solitaire, page 45

3. Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships, ranging, for example, from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts; to difficulties in sharing imaginative play or in making friends; to absence of interest in peers.

- “Then again, I don’t feel very similar to anyone at all” Solitaire, Page 20

Many people who have Autism (Especially Women) often report that they don’t “fit in” with their peers, there are a variety of reasons for this but it is often related to masking and just generally struggling to socialise the same way their Neurotypical peers do.

- “There’s a time and a place for being normal. For most people, normal is their default setting. But for some, like you and me, normal is something we have to bring out, like putting on a suit for a posh dinner.” - Michael Holden, Solitaire, Page 61

This quote from Michael is one of my favourites in Solitaire and I feel heavily related to the autistic experience. It pretty much perfectly describes the experience of autistic masking.

- “I thought it’d be nice to try and rekindle this friendship. But it’s too hard. I don’t want to talk to anyone.” Solitaire, Page 99

- “I’m no expert on social etiquette.” Solitaire, Page 140

B. Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities, as manifested by at least two of the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive; see text):

1. Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypes, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases).

- “I kick the floor and spin. The world hurricanes around me. I don’t know how long I do this,” Solitaire, Page 84

This quote is just Tori stimming, she stims quite a bit in the book but this was just one example I picked.

- “I watch that scene three times and then turn it off,” Solitaire, Page 102

- “Playing ‘Fix You’ by Coldplay over and over on repeat” Solitaire, (I forgot the page)

These are another two examples of stimming that I wanted to include because it shows different forms of stimming (repeatedly watching or listening to something) that aren’t talked about as much.

2. Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat same food every day).

- “It’s not a very funny programs but I still seem to watch at least on episode every single day.” Solitaire, Page 100

While this could just be because it’s on tv I figured if she really didn’t enjoy the show she could definitely watch something else. This is probably an example of “preservation” which is a coping mechanism that helps people with autism to find comfort in predictability and routine.

3. Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).

- “The matter of the fact is that Star Wars was actually a major obsession of mine when I was a kid” Solitaire, Page 24

Apparently most children don’t have extreme, obsessions that consume all of their waking thoughts (I cannot attest to this, I’ve been hyper fixating on random stuff since I was like 2). Anyway, hyper fixation is a sign of Autism which is often overlooked in girls because it’s usually something related to pop culture and is ignored as just being “fangirling”.

- “I have already stuck all of Solitaires previous posts. My wall is completely covered.” Solitaire, Page 297

This is only one example but if you’ve read solitaire you’ll know that Tori gets very obsessed with solitaire and especially toward the end of the book I’d argue that it does start to become quite a hyper fixation.

4. Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g. apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement).

- “I started to feel all this hair on my forehead and my cheeks and how it plastered my shoulders and back and I felt it creeping around me like worms, choking me to death.” Solitaire, Page 15

So this is an example of sensory overload, while this can affect anyone, it is very common in people with Autism as they often have a hyper awareness of sensory stimuli, causing it to become very overwhelming. So this can happen with things like sound as well and I didn’t put it in here but there is another quote when she’s at Becky’s party talking about how loud it is.

- “At some point I fall asleep but I can here all these creaky noises coming from outside” Solitaire, page 65

So this quote isn’t exactly that special but it’s the way she brings it up every time she sleeps, like she’s so hyper aware of the sounds outside that it begins to prevent her from sleeping.

Here are some other miscellaneous quotes that I wanted to throw in because I think they are relevant:

- “Who would I be,” I ask at one point, “if I were any of the Big Bang theory characters?”

“Sheldon,” - Charlie Spring, Solitaire, Page 100

This quote is nothing really I just thought it was interesting that Charlie related Tori to Sheldon as he’s generally seen as another autistic coded character (No matter how problematic that may be, I haven’t actually seen the show I just know a lot of people with Autism think it’s poor representation)

- “I don’t want people to try and understand why I am the way I am, because I should be the first person to understand that and I don’t understand yet.” Solitaire, (I lost the page)

- “I’ve got to do something,” I keep saying,” Solitaire, Page 272

Ok so throughout Solitaire (and ‘This Winter’ and the ‘Heartstopper’ graphic novels) Tori displays a very high sense of empathy. Main examples of this are with her brother Charlie and in that scene where Ben Hope gets beat up at the Solitaire meet up. Stereotypically people with autism have a low sense of empathy but actually it’s a spectrum and many people with autism (more often girls) experience a heightened sense of empathy.

- “Before boys, before sex, before alcohol, before she started to move on while I stayed exactly where I was.” Solitaire, Page 353

In girls signs of Autism generally begin to manifest more during their tween/teenage years. Girls who appeared to be progressing at a similar rate to their peers may begin to fall behind due to the increased social and academic pressure. This quote could however be more related to Tori being asexual, which we will get into now.

Asexuality and Autism

As confirmed in volume 5 of Heartstopper, Tori Spring is asexual. People with Autism are 2-3 times more likely to identify as a part of the LGBTQ+ community. Especially, the aroace community. The studies I looked at said around 30% of people with Autism also identified as aro/ace, this is also more common in women with Autism than men.

Autistic Meltdowns

So in addition to those direct quotes a repeated occurrence throughout Solitaire is Tori’s emotions bubbling up and eventually bursting out… and what could these outburst actually be? Autistic Meltdown.

The main examples that come to mind for Tori are the fight with Michael, that scene where Charlie asks if she’s ok and she starts crying and the scene where she’s talking to Lucas about Charlie at the concert.

Safe Foods

Ok Tori’s obsession with diet lemonade is kind of iconic. People with Autism often tend to have ‘safe foods’ that don’t trigger sensory issues, usually these are specific things with consistent, safe, tastes. For Tori, this is diet lemonade. Another thing to point out about this is the fact that she always uses straws which is possibly either a sensory thing or a routine :)

Ok, that’s about it… I don’t believe anyone would actually read all that but if you did… damn, thanks :))

Some of the resources I used:

https://www.allohealth.care/healthfeed/sexuality/asexuality-and-autism

https://neurodivergentinsights.com/autism-infographics/autism-and-sexual-diversity?format=amp

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2016/08/the-bond-between-animals-and-the-autistic/623372/

https://socialcaretalk.org/experiences/life-autism-spectrum/autism-feeling-different-wanting-to-fit-in/

https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/hcp-dsm.html

https://jackiesilvernutrition.com/articles/autism-safe-food/

#Tori spring #Victoria ‘Tori’ spring #tori spring kin #tori and michael #solitaire alice oseman #solitaire #solitaire book #sprolden #michael holden #heartstopper book #heartstopper netflix #heartstopper #charlie spring #nick and charlie #autistic Tori spring #that girl is peak autism coding #autism coded #autism #autistic characters #autistic community

[timetravelingpenguin1066]

Giant Geese

Summery: Aemond does everything he can to make sure this first Valentine's Day after your daughter was born is everything you could ever imagine.

Aemond x Reader

Warnings: fluff, smut (my first smut!! 😟😟)

A/N: can be read as a part 3 to this and this

It has been a few months since your beautiful little daughter was born, and you and Aemond have barely had a few moments to yourselves.

Valentine's day is approaching, and with it, what you like to call your daughter's 4 month birthday. Aemond is determined to take you out for the day, clearing both your schedules.

He arranges for his mother to take your daughter for the day and the following night so that the two of you can have a much needed romantic break.

The day begins with heart-shaped pancakes at your favourite breakfast cafe.

As you dump honey and chocolate syrup on them, Aemond stares at you incredulously.

"I thought your cravings had gone with the birth of our daughter," he says while drizzling lemon juice on his own pancakes.

"They have," you say, your voice muffled from your mouthful of pancake. You swallow. "I just love pancakes with honey and chocolate."

He laughs, a deep rich sound that you have heard many times, and it still makes your heart leap. He's so handsome when he laughs, his smile lighting up his features. 

Having finished your breakfast, he takes you for a walk around the city. 

You stop from time to time to look in shops.

You have your lunch at the top of one of the many skyscrapers.

During lunch, Alicent calls to say that your daughter has done several burps in quick succession.

"Perhaps we should have warned you," Aemond chuckles. "She likes to make noises."

You laugh, recalling the many nights you heard your daughter gurgling, cooing, screaming, burping and making as much noise as she could in a vast variety of different ways.

After lunch, you begin to walk back to your apartment, stopping at the shops.

Aemond tells you to pick what you want and he will buy it for you.

Although you insist on buying him a few colourful picture frames for his desk at work

"You should have pictures of your family on your desk."

In return, you beg him for one of those giant Geese you spy. 

"it's so big and soft, Aemond! Please!"

You stare at him with your eyes wide and pleading, almost like a child begging for a toy.

Aemond sighs and pulls out his credit card. You dance around cheering excitedly

You return home, your arms full of goose. The flat is strangely quiet with no gurgling noise making baby.

You turn to your now fiancée and ask, "What's next?"

"Next we order in and binge watch something."

He makes the order while you scroll through Netflix looking for something interesting. 

The food arrives and the two of you curl up on the sofa watching some strange drama that neither of you particularly understand.

Not long into the first episode, Aemond starts slowly kissing your neck

For a while, you ignore it, struggling to make sense of the convoluted plot.

But soon enough, his lips become far too alluring, and you angle your head so your lips can capture his. 

The kiss is slow, gentle at first.

He licks at your bottom lip, enticing your mouth open before your tongues twine together.

You moan softly as your tongues begin their sensual dance.

Suddenly, he breaks away, turns off the TV, lifts you up and before your brain has caught up, you've been dropped on your bed and Aemond's lips have already captured your lips once again.

The kiss that you began on your sofa was gentle and soft, filled with warm love. This kiss is hungry and filled with passion. A kiss you have not experienced since before your daughter was born.

He slots himself between your legs, lips moving across your jaw to your neck where he presses a few soft kisses.

You feel a pinch of pain at your pulse. You remember the sensation of Aemond marking.

"Mine," he whispers. "You are mine. Say it."

"Aemond," you moan, a wet feeling coming between your legs. "I am yours."

"Good."

He harshly rips at your T-Shirt, exposing you bra-clad torso to his hungry gaze.

He pulls you up slightly, reaching around your body to undo your bra.

He struggles with the clasp for a moment before giving up with it and yanking hard. 

"That was my favourite bra, Aemond," you pant, watching your now broken undergarment be thrown on the floor, not that you really cared about such a trivial thing when Aemond was leaning over you, his eye black and burning.

"What a shame," he smirks. Cocky shit.

His one eye roams over your half naked self. Once, you used to be embarrassed and cover yourself. Now you stretch yourself out.

He tugs his black shirt over his head, revealing to you his defined torso. You run your hands up his muscled abdomen, reveling the way the muscle flexed under your hands.

Aemond shivers and bends back over you, latching onto your nipple and sucking. He doesn’t stay there long though, quickly working his way down your body. 

He gets to your jeans and tugs the zip down, yanking them off, along with you panties.

His hand wraps around your ankle and he presses a kiss to it, slowly working up your leg.

Your nerves tingle with anticipation. It has been far too long since the two of you were together like this. Everytime you tried, your baby would start screaming like the world was ending, and you would rush to see what was wrong, only for her to start babbling again as soon as she saw you.

His lips brushed the inside of your thigh, and switched to the other, climbing higher and higher to your slit.

“Please, Aemond,” you whine, begging him to stop his insistent teasing.

“Please what, my love?” he says, his voice soft.

You whimper again as he presses a kiss just below your belly button.

“Tell me what you want,” he whispered. “Use your words.”

“I need you,” you wail.

“Where do you need me, sweet girl?”

Silently, you curse him. He hovers right above your wetness.

“Tell me exactly what you want me to do.”

“I want you to use your mouth,” you gasp.

“As you wish, my sweet love.”

It always amazed you how he was able to combine sweet soft words with such a sensual, arousing surrounding.

His long, pianist fingers finally touched your slit, parting your folds.

Immediately, he dived in like he’d not eaten in days. 

He sucked hard on your clit, eliciting the most intense pleasure from you.

You moaned loudly. 

Much to your displeasure, he pulls out with a groan.

“No!” you cry. “Don’t stop! Don’t you dare stop!”

“It is too much,” he whispers. “I need to feel you.”

You gasp as you grasp his meaning. It truly has been far too long. Aemond needs you. Now.

He sits up, struggling with his own trousers. He yanks both layers down, throwing them on the floor with the rest of your clothes.

He climbs back over, his lips seizing yours.

You cannot explain it. You have never experienced this sort of passion from him. Not even before you became pregnant. But now, it’s like he’s everywhere. Some small part of your mind knows he’s sliding his hand between the two of you, and right to the juncture of your thighs. Your body is covered in sweat. All you want is him.

His fingers part your flesh, thumb circling the small bud while two of his long fingers enter your cunt. The stretch is divine. And all too soon, he rips his fingers and thumb away again. 

He lines his erection with your entrance, and looks deep into you eyes.

“Ready?” he pants.

“Yes.”

The sheer size of him has you eyes rolling to the back of your head. The stretch is a mixture of both pain and pleasure. 

He starts pumping his hips, carefully. You can see the strain on his face as he tries to go slow for you.

“Aemond,” you moan. “More.”

“Are you sure?” he asks, hips still moving slowly.

“Yes,” you answer. “Take me.”

With that, all of his self-control snapped. You could see it in his eyes.

With barely any warning, he started to rut into you, his pace harsh and fast.

You tightened your grip on his shoulder, likely leaving marks on his back, but neither of you cared. His lips sucked at your neck, leaving many marks of his own, while you moaned.

His cock was so deep, every thrust hit the base of your cervix, easily brushing over that one spot inside you that you both knew made you scream for him.

“Aemond!”

You could feel your climax coming, a knot in your lower belly about to snap.

“Aemond!” you yell again. “I’m close.”

“That’s it, my love. Cum for me. Show me who you belong to.”

Those words were all you needed. You came with a blinding flash. Your back arched as much as Aemond’s weight on top of you would allow. You saw stars. Sapphire stars.

Aemond came almost the exact moment you did, spilling his seed inside you with a few grunts of his own.

He lazily thrust a few more times inside you, before falling on top of you.

You mindlessly stroked his long blonde hair, while he panted into your shoulder. You had a smile on your face.

It seemed like a while until he pulled himself up slightly and pulled himself out of you. You whimpered at the loss of him, the emptiness. Both your juices gushed out of you, staining the bed. But you did not care.

He rolled off you to lie beside you. You turned to look at him. He was still panting, his mouth open. His skin was shiny with sweat. His one eye was facing you, closed.

He opened it, turning to see you.

“We should’ve pant done that pant sooner.”

“Yes, we should’ve.”

“Do you think the neighbours will call the police again?” he asks.

You laugh as he reminds you of that time before you knew you carried his child. You had not yet moved in together, so he was staying the night at your old apartment. You were so loud in your passionate love-making, that the neighbours called the police. It had been many profuse apologies and many many cupcakes before they were inclined to forgive you.

You would never forget their relieved faces when you moved out to live with him.

“I hope not,” you joke back.

He laughs, oh, how you love that laugh, and he cups your cheek drawing you in.

The kiss is slow and gentle. He broke away, equally carefully, and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you onto his chest.

You lay there, drawing invisible patterns on the muscle that pillowed your head. His breathing had slowed and was now deep and even, the movement rocking you gently. You could feel your eyes closing, listening to the steady beat of his heart. One thumb made small circles on your waist, the other combed tenderly through your hair.

“I love you,” he whispered into your hair.

You nuzzled his broad chest, sleep coming quickly. You whispered back, “I love you.”

Soon enough, with the lulling sound of his heart, and his light strokes of your hair, sleep overtook you.

And that night, as you did every night, you dreamed of him.

#house of the dragon #hotd #hotd fic #aemond targaryen #aemond x y/n #aemond x fem!reader #aemond fluff #aemond smut

[polyamorousmisanthrope]

Organization, Self-discipline, Distractability, and a Rant

A friend of mine re-posted this tweet. I am quite certain that because of this friend’s (VERY REAL) struggles there was a feeling of being seen and validated. And that’s a valid point of view. If something comforts you in your struggles, that’s valid, no kidding. And this article might annoy you. Scroll on by. I’m not wanting to dump on what keeps you going. Times are rough enough. Seriously…

My initial reaction before logic kicked in was nearly incandescent rage. Which led to this rabbit hole as I tried to deal with it.

Why did a little meme make me so mad?

So, remember how it took me thirty years to vacuum a closet? I could have as easily said it took me thirty years to pay my bills or cook a meal or several other things.

Oh sure, I’m organized now. I’m talking “color-coded boxes when it is time to move” level of organization, ‘kay? But even though other people don’t see it, I still remember being shamed in fourth grade because of the desk cubby crammed full of books and papers, and being asked, “You’re so smart, how come you can’t–” about So. Many. Things.

I didn’t become organized by ignoring reality

I am not naturally organized. I am not naturally industrious, and I am not naturally all that productive. I’d call myself lazy, but that invites a lecture from anyone who loves me about being too hard on myself.

I did, at some point, need to accept certain realities. Not paying bills can land one in court. Disorganization can be a big problem in one’s professional life. In my own case, I also have a big problem with depression, so I cannot count day to day being on the ball and thinking clearly. (I mean, really, this rant was because of an initial reaction of NOT thinking clearly)

So, shooting for some damn Platonic Form of “Organized and Disciplined” in my case is a recipe for failure. I’m going to bet it is for you, too.

If your plan has no way to account for delays and failure points, it’s a wish, not a plan. There used to be a fashion in self-development on YouTube to have The Perfect Morning Routine. You know, get up, do twenty minutes of yoga, make yourself the perfect nutritionally-balanced breakfast, read some Improving Literature, and bike to work… that kind of thing. To tell on myself, yeah, I’m trying to get in more stretching and yeah, I use a yoga app for that. My general idea is that I’ll get up and do twenty minutes of yoga (stop laughing at me) and then do my day. I did not, in fact, get right up and do that. It’s almost ten in the morning, I’ve been up since six, and I’m here writing this incredibly detailed rant and not getting in that stretching. So I’m failing, right? Wrong.

“Imperfectly Perfect” has a lot going for it My goal for the month is to get in ten minutes of yoga a day as an average measured over a month. I’ll throw in a few minutes today at some point. Probably after I write this. While an organized person looks like they’re doing things in a strict way and in a specific order, that may not be entirely the case. Sure, you have to show up at the dentist at a specific time, or take your meds before you eat or something. But what time you do your writing or wash your dishes has a lot more wiggle room. Let it have that wiggle room and let goals that don’t need to be exact be inexact.

“Good Enough” and “Perfect” are two different things. Good enough is better than Perfect. Bed making… I’ve heard people say that bed-making is too much trouble. When I hear that, I almost always presume another choke point — bed against the wall makes making it a pain in the ass, depression makes it hard to get OUT of bed, never mind making it, things like that. But… If the only time you make your bed is when you have the energy to make it neatly enough you won’t be yelled at on Parris Island, you have absolutely confused “Perfect” and “Good Enough.”

I took that picture thirty seconds before I wrote this. I did no adjustments on the bed. It’s just how I made it this morning. I woke up this morning cranky and wanting to punch Humanity in the mouth. So, not motivated. This meets my personal definition for good enough. It’s made. I’m dressed and doing my day.

Good. Enough.

Defining Good Enough will help you. What is “Good Enough” in your life?Ignoring real issues of executive function will set you up for failure.

Are you distractable? I am. In fact, this article is a prime example of distractability for me. I haven’t written what I plan to do for the day in my Bullet Journal and haven’t done most of my Wednesday morning chores. I got ranty and just had to sit down and write this. That yoga I was going to do? That planning out the day I (usually) do? Obviously not happening right now as I ranty, ranty, rant.

But my life is set up to account for things like this. I accept and plan for the fact that stuff like this happens! I have a means to track what needs to be done that won’t let the genuinely important and urgent things fall through the cracks. Even though I am currently caught up in the glorious dopamine hit of ranting, those things that need to be done are quietly sitting in their places, waiting for my attention.

Thing is, it’s more than just a to-do list. It’s setting up your life to account for how your brain works.

That might mean storing your extra sheets under your mattress so you will immediately re-make the bed when you wash your sheets, or hanging a mask on the back of your door so you don’t forget to put then thing on before you leave your apartment. (Yeah, I know, that looked oddly specific, didn’t it?)Being organized and disciplined is a skill. Mastering skills take time.

Think of anything you know how to do — playing an instrument, cooking a meal, writing fiction, driving, whatever.You might have wanted to master it overnight. But if you actually developed the skill instead of stopping the activity, you probably put in a lot of time and effort. You probably had failures that made you wince at yourself.

Learning the skill of organization is no different.

I know that saying it took me thirty years of solid work to get organized seems like hyperbole. It’s not. It was really that difficult for me.

Which is, I know, why images like the above set me off a little. I know the intention is to make people feel better about a mutual struggle.

But it also makes me feel like in the common cultural mind, my life’s work was mostly a waste of time.

#ranty #organization

[compo67]

struggle bus

this is a mental health/chronically ill post/personal info dump

cn for suicidal ideations, bipolar disorder, depression, mental health

my therapist is on leave for a month, so in the meantime, i'm meeting with my DBT group leader for therapy once a week

the mental health struggle has been real this past month. lots of depression, anxiety, and voices that get so loud that tell me what's even the point of living

i struggle a lot with managing my bipolar disorder and depression. i struggle with getting dressed and showered most days. even the stimulants i'm on don't help as much as they used to before. i spent all day last saturday asleep or crying. i lost a whole day of working on my big bang, something really important to me, because i just couldn't wrangle my brain into functioning in a positive or healthy way

i'm hopeful about sitting with my psychiatrist this thursday and talking about switching antidepressants and maybe upping either the mood stabilizer or the anti-psychotic

i'm also hopeful that he'll be on board with one of the two treatments my other providers have recommended: keta and TMS

both are concerning to me, but they're both recommended for treatment resistant depression

i can't hardly picture what it's like not to be depressed

i know this might be weird to read, because i write such happy/romantic stuff, but it has been a continuous struggle to deal with being so depressed, especially in the past 2 years

i can't keep up writing or my patreon as much as i want to because i'm either too depressed or in too much pain and i just... feel like i let people down because of it

i have been avoiding doing really important paperwork (applying for financial hardship assistance and LTD stuff)

now it *has* to be turned in and the deadline is looming

coming back to this post a few hours later and i feel a bit better sharing this. it's important to me that i share not just the happy stuff but the other stuff that's going on too

i know i will get out of this spiral/flare. it's going to take time and effort, but i *want* to do it

it just gets really hard sometimes

especially when i'm under so much pressure from financial stress

like, i am doing my best to take my benefits and dig myself out of debt while at the same time trying to stay afloat with things like my car payment, car insurance, gas, phone bill, groceries, medical/dental premiums, medical expenses, and everything else

i am hopeful that doing some light SP work will be another income stream and lessen the pressure, but i can't depend on that until you know... i actually start. and who knows how many hours or projects i'll be offered and can physically do?

this flare up has just been awful. i've been flared up since the end of march and prednisone is not doing the trick, which means it's not inflammation, it's probably just EDS

i say just EDS like it's a cold or something when it's a genetic debilitating disorder/syndrome

i think EDS is one of my biggest struggles. it just takes so much energy to keep my joints together

sigh

i just want to be back working full-time, thriving and surviving on my own

but it's not possible at the moment

if i go back to work too soon, i'm just going to wind up in the same place i was in 2021--a big mess

i've been on and am still on the struggle bus

even if it's a struggle bus, i still want to stay on a bus

i still want to be "here"

even if some voices get really loud and try to convince me otherwise

if you made it this far reading, please know i appreciate it

you didn't have to read this but you did and therefore, i <3 you

things will get better.

#compo67 #authorial rambles #personal #mental health #mental illness #bipolar disorder #ehlers danlos syndrome

[weebsinstash]

As someone who reads a lot but has no experience writing myself I didn't notice any drop in quality. It seemed to be the same level to me and I particularly enjoy your characterization of mic and aizawa as well as the added depth from the scene between mic and the repair guy. However if I HAD to give a criticism the part about the guy from when reader was young felt a little too long, the same could kinda be said for the exposition about the mom but that felt important enough to the readers persona that it was necessary. These aren't really that bad but its just a personal opinion!

I still absolutely loved the chapter though it was a delightful treat that I thoroughly enjoyed reading!

Maybe that was the part that one person didnt like, the exposition stuff? I really wish they had left a little more constructive criticism besides just telling me straight up "this should have stayed in your drafts, youre out of practice and i can tell" because how tf am I supposed to catch my mistakes and improve without good feedback 🥺 everyone has different standards for what they read so feedback from all different kinds of people could really be beneficial...

Anyways!

So while it was kind of an exposition/info dump, the part with the Reader having an inappropriate relationship with a stranger online specifically a male one is actually relevant to several things, which if it hasn't been apparent due to the fact he's never been mentioned, Reader's father was not present in her life, and not because he's dead or anything (it really isnt a massive spoiler to tell you guys he was just a deadbeat and Reader's mom had full custody and he kind of just pissed off and will make a brief unimportant cameo in the next installment of the series which will in fact be the last one, at least so is the plan). As someone with personal experience, you grow up as a young girl without a father and it can give you extremely different perspectives on men, especially when there has been abuse, and it can make you EXTREMELY VULNERABLE to positive male attention. It's to sort of establish a pattern of Reader needing a form of external acceptance and validation and how she has her own trauma and mental health struggles, especially in regards to men.

Like idk child abuse or being sexual with a kid tw but I remember when i used to go on Justin TV as a minor like idk probably 15 or 16, there was a streamer I would watch sometimes, his username was Tekker or something, and he eventually started getting flirty and stuff with me and in hindsight he was definitely uh a creep. I was a minor and he knew that and he'd be livestreaming him playing like resident evil and he'd like make jokes about, God what even was it, giving me anal as a punishment for being a smart-ass with him because you know obviously anal isn't, for everyone lmao and can hurt and like WOW

But even with those massive red flags I really liked the positive attention he gave me, like it legitimately got me flustered when I sent him my picture and he said I was beautiful and he would call me jailbait 💀 like I bought a microphone to chat with this dude and would play games on stream with him 💀💀💀 this is a subject I have personal experience with. It's kind of to establish Reader had Some Issues that leave her vulnerable to being manipulated by men and also making poor choices because she has deep abandonment issues and needing to be accepted and loved. So now, as it stands, she is slowly becoming complacent to her situation, especially when you also tackle that with the realization that if she were to get free she would go right back to a way of living that was legitimately making her miserable and suicidal

Like for real the planned ending I have for this story is probably going to make a decent number of you go Oh Honey Why Would You Do That :C

It's fucked up, but for Reader there are actually many benefits to her captivity and you couple that with her captors being excessively supportive and affectionate with her and you have a kidnapping victim slowly falling in love with her captors and saying "im a stupid idiot and I'll never have anything better and no one will probably love me like they so, and I'm a loser anyways, so I guess I'm just fucked, I probably deserve to die anyways, who cares what happens at this point, im too tired and apathetic to fight anyways"

Of course the fate of Reader's mom, which is kind of glaringly obvious tbh, but the exact details of what I will call The Mountain Incident are to be revealed in probably the next chapter or two? It's kind of just sadness porn but, it's another layer to why Reader kind of just fell apart and dropped out of Hero School and was too unable to handle the stress to work. Because realistically she experienced something extremely traumatic and had no support system while basically pushed into the deep end of being fully self sufficient and she eventually just burned out trying to do everything on her own, and then you have Mic and Eraser to the rescue to forever further skew her feelings of "see I'm helpless and stupid, I can't take care of myself, I should just let them make the decisions for me"

But yeah, thanks for submitting your feedback, it means a lot! General reception has been really nice so far and it's so nice to see how excited everyone is for an update and I'm looking forward to hopefully getting more things out soon! I'm just trying to even think of how many chapters are left? We're on 7 right now, so, hmm... at the current rate... I'd say... maybe 4 or 5? And then after this story is finished, I think the best course of action for the final part is that i write a significant portion of it before I upload anything so then that can combat being stuck in a plot hole and putting things off haha. Anyways thanks again!

#yandere stuff

[al-hekima-madara-blog]

Speculations from the cavern Part III

Part I

Part II

Let's dig into the most unhinged Uchiha's tradition : eyes exchange !

Based on both pictures above, it looks like it's the same set of eyes and that Madara just removed the blind one. But no it's much more chaotic than that!

That's not his original eyes to start with. He inherited Izuna's eyes in the same way Itachi offers his to Sasuke to awake the Eternal Mangakyou Sharingan. Slight digression but am I the only one wondering what Madara and Sasuke did with their "old" pair of eyes? Did they just dump them in a bin, can they re-use them later or give to someone else? Or do they just rot when detached from their original sockets? (Gosh... I feel this post is getting too graphic 😭)

From part II, we know now that Madara was actually free to move across the globe most of his life. Everyone thought he was dead at the Valley of the End and after roughly a decade most of people who personally knew him were deceased. However, he was handicapped with only one sharingan left. His right eyes had been sacrificed to resurrect himself with Izanagi.

Since he was waiting for the Rinnegan, I don't think he replaced his blind one but who knows? he said also, I misquote, that Sharingan are like light bulb always good to have more on the side.

Talking about spare eyes. There is at least two people (aside Obito) that Madara met during this long exile. Nagato and an Uchiha who gave him his single sharingan.

For the unknown Uchiha there is many possibilities :

1/ Did Madara have the habits like Danzo to collect Sharingans after a battle? And there was so many wars during his lifetime, it's like doing mushroom picking in the forest.

2/ He kept secret contact with some Uchihas inside Konoha, still loyal to him. But I'm not convinced. He seems to have been totally cut off from Konoha when he left.

3/ He has known (sympathized?) with an other Uchiha in his old days before he awakened his Rinnegan. That could be a nice fanfic idea if anyone interested. That person was probably not strong or relevant enough to be useful as a pawn, but close enough to have giving him his/her unique eye left for some reason.

About Nagato. All I can speculate is that like Obito both were rushed choices. Not rush in a way it was a mistake, but rushed that as soon as Madara has awakened his Rinnegan he literally had a countdown above his head before dying. His first move was to look for a senju descendant. How strange to choose a distant Uzumaki cousin rather that a direct Senju like Princess Tsunade? In theory she is an ideal candidate to be able to bear the Rinnegan, she is both descendant of Hashirama Senju and Mito Uzumaki. Was she not easily accessible to him? (I think she was already a grown adult and trained medecine shinobi by this time) Did he already reckon she was too weak for the job? Maybe witnessing her story and her struggle with haemophobia, alcoholism and depression ect.. He judged her long time ago as a "weak woman" for carrying his plan. But for sure, he knew perfectly the Senju/Uzumaki lineage, he didn't discovered her during the 4th shinobi war. The fact he never mentioned her name shows how disappointed he was by her abilities as Hashirama's heiress.

Finally he chose Nagato, an immigrant in the Ame country if I remember well. Just like Karin, or Kushina, he was one of the few survivor from Uzumaki clan scattered in different countries. It's hard to tell how Madara could have switch his eyes without his parents noticing it. It seems you can't deactivate a Rinnegan like a Sharingan. Hagoromo, Madara, Nagato and even Sasuke never switch them off once it's awakened. Like how the hell can you look at your child one day with normal pupils and the next day looking crazy like this :

Anyway that's it for now.

Next Part IV

#madara #obito #nagato #tsunade #Speculations from the cavern #Rinnegan #Sharingan

[p3rry-pi3]

I am so sorry for the people who followed me I completely forgot abt this acc

But anyway

I made a lil’ thing.

SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TW!!!!! I mention lots of violence, lots of cussing, lots of mentions on injections, i trauma dump for a bit (I think), uh, uh, uh, yeah. That’s it. Lmk if I needa add more.

It’s complicated but I was wondering what it’d be like if my sona was a miguel variant!

He looks a lot different each drawing I make of him due to me playing around with styles so keep that in mind that consistency is nonexistent to me.

I hope this reaches the right ppl lol

I was a little nervous to show this to such a big fandom but then I remembered this is tumblr! I can do whatever, be cringe, and survive!!!

So here’s this, it’s all gonna be under the cut cause I took this as an advantage to geek out lol (a blessing and a curse)

Okay! So! His face, right.

Facial features.

This face. I did a lil’ sheet of him with and without glasses. He looks scared but bare in mind this is technically my sona and if you know me almost all of them I make are in this constant state of anxiety, and this is my way of projecting. So shhh.

In contrast to Miguel’s heightened sense due to the injects, Perry’s senses are erratic. This man’s vision gets worse TENFOLD. I’m already blind as is irl (that’s sarcasm) and the injections being unpredictable due to this dude’s like. Whatever, it makes it WORSE. Also the overstimulation is BAD with him.

As a reference to Miguel’s slicked back hair, he has his hair behind his ears. It’s a habit he does and will often fidget with his hair by constantly tucking it behind his hair and he refuses to tie it up.

Build/suit

This man is somewhat chubby but all that action will definitely muscle him out. Here’s him in the suit btw.

I think he would wear clothes overlapping the suit but because it’s like holographic and emits SO MUCH HEAT, he can’t do it during summer.

Cause imagine how hot that thing is!!!

I’ve seen the speculations that miguel could be very well naked underneath that suit, and I’ve seen how it’s like a running joke, like sure, it’s funny

BUT IMAGINE WEARING THAT THIMG EVERYWHERE WITH NO A/C!!! NO FANS!!! I imagine it being just as bad as wearing fursuit during summer (not coming from experience, but I see the struggle)

It must be super hot! I don’t know how but it LOOKS like that thing just RADIATES heat.

But no, my sona isn’t naked.

Venom

And the little fangs ref is from me being half asleep and dreaming while being awake somehow, and I guess I drew that??? Who knows.

He has natural fangs but the injections 100% make them more pronounced.

I’m not gonna overpower him and make his venom more dangerous but I’d say in addition to paralyzing his opponents, it also causes skin irritation.

Just picture it.

You’re can’t move and have to wait it off, but, your skin starts itching. It gets itchier and starts to burn BUT YOU CAN’T SCRATCH IT!!!

So you’re just laying there like “AAAAAAAA” cause then you’re worried it’ll blister, (it won’t), and you can’t check cause you can’t move!!!!!

I’m an evil genius I know 🤓

Being bit by him would be the equivalent of having to use your teeth cause no matter how many times you scratch that one part of your hands as a kid (even as now) it wouldn’t stop itching!

Character personality/arc/dev

This part was trickier. I didn’t know if I wanted to make him completely different from canon or make him similar but not too similar. It was hard.

So I focused on small traits I knew I wanted him to have.

And I think I went bonkers.

Uh yeah. I told you the art style changes quite a bit.

I think this man would love to see Miguel’s year but not long enough to figure out all the futuristic stuff. He’d be an iPad peepaw 😞

Also I’m half Samoan myself irl, so I wanted to sprinkle in that Samoan rep in this. I see little to none in most of the media I explore around, and it makes me a bit sad but if there’s like an explanation lmk.

I know there’s some Polynesian rep in the community, just not as much as I like, so here I am adding to that in pride of my own culture. (I’m still doing research on it as someone who isn’t all that connect to my heritage so it’s not good rep but bare with me, I’m getting there. As these reference pages evolve so will the rep.)

I like making a lot of these sonas so I might remake this one in particular.

I figured I’d give him a more animated character while keeping miguel’s stoicism and attitude, so here’s the characteristics I did wanna give him.

Moody. Has mood swings due to various reasons but for Miguel’s character’s sake we’ll leave it vague.

Constant state of worry and paranoia. I have been showing signs of paranoia so I’m not pulling this one out of my ass, but I do see miguel showing signs of it during high stress. It’s a headcanon I have, but I’d imagine what years of being aware of the fact there’s more people like you in a whole strand of endless possibilities, and one of them is where you’re a fictional character and being conscious of that 4th wall, it can cause you to think some stuff.

Opinionated. That’s. That’s it.

Sassy. He’s so zesty and for what lmao.

Smartass and witty. I imagine him having huge yelling matches with miguel if they were to ever meet, but in the end would get along like an old married couple. Would miguel even remotely like him? No. Not even close. This man would HATE my sona. My sona would hate him back, but as someone who’s had yelling matches with other people he’d prolly be like “damn. I can respect that.” But wouldn’t DARE to tell miguel.

Intelligent. Yeah, he would’ve been better off being an art student or a lawyer, but because of the whole canon event he had, he’s stuck as spider-man. His civilian wear is a lot more cozy in duality to him being spider-man.

Forgetful. I imagine him going to the shop and just going “shock! I forgot to change!” And he’s already almost done with his grocery list in his spider-man suit so the people there are just like, “OMG SOIDERMAN WHAT R YOU DOING HERE???”

So uh, there’s that. One last thing I’d like to add is that I may or may not have studied Miguel’s character just for his personality and to take inspo.

Doodle time!!!!!1111!!1!!11!!1!1

I made doodles here.

So.

Yeah.

I think it’s clear I don’t take him seriously lol

I also think this man would have bad nightmares since I do (fun fact! I don’t dream. It’s constant nightmares) and because of that this man would 100% sleep with a nightlight and some background noises of crowds talking bc nostalgia is the best medicine.

But it gets awkward at other people’s houses and he’s afraid to ask so he ends up staying up all night in pure terror of his nightmares. His nightmares are enhanced due to his senses. (For me, it’s imagination and having a constant active mind, but since this is my sona and I don’t have an arc for him, it’s gonna be bc of the injections.)

I think he’d be just as gay and trans as me.

Being in a big multiverse, I think he’d learn quickly that life is just too short to live while being worried of the norm and what others think.

There’s two different types of social anxiety (<- sarcasm) and he has both.

Also here’s some other doodles of his face I did

Sometimes I like drawing them completely crazy, off the deep end, scared, or just having some loves :3

My sona would be very touch starved so he isn’t used to stuff like hugs and will often become flustered! It’s cute imo but gawd damn!!! Someone cuddle this boy and tell him he’s alright

LYLA!!!!!

His lyla would prolly be named lyla too. I think she’d just be a bit of a prototype.

But perry loves her like best friend. his lyla would be the lesbian in the dynamic while perry doesn’t care what gender you are, just please don’t use his coffee mug or mess with his pile of endless papers.

I also think he’s chose her own outfits and hair styles so while sure I’ll have her in pigtails to give movie lyla’s playfulness and duality a moment recognition. But you’ll also see her in black hairstyles with actual hair texture as her avatar varies cause I made her black for 1) practice and 2) just cause. Okay? Okay. (keep in mind i’m HORRIED with fashion. So I have no idea what I’m talking abt with her character design. You’ll have to learn with me and realize that I’m pretty much clueless on how the color wheel works, so be patient plz. I take constructive criticism tho btw.)

I think his lyla would be bossier and a lot more chatty. She’d sit there and rant about whatever information asked for and because he has ADHD this lyla would involuntarily speak like she has it too, but wouldn’t really show signs of it. If she were humanized i think she’d prolly have autism more than she would ADHD but because he works under conditions he prefers, he might make her a little all over the place cause I myself rlly hate routine and familiarity is hard for me to let go of in a certain way, so I think lyla would indirectly be made to where only he knows what works and what doesn’t with the important stuff

If miguel were to ever switch lylas he’d go crazy with this one. This lyla would stare at miguel like he’s speaking some other language since my sona would probably start with some bestie banter before getting into business so if miguel were to just start barking orders at her she’d be like “Uhm. Excuse me? 🧍” she’d put him in his place as she does with my sona but at the end of the day she’s still an AI so it doesn’t get so bad to where she can’t function and can’t get work done.

She would prolly have to remind my sona the time and other stuff like that cause if the forgetful factor but considering she has social skills my sona does, she’d prolly end up talking about something else entirely but at the end of the conversation she’d always remind him.

My sona would 100% giver her a stupid nickname like “android” or for shits and giggles a more human name “Andrea” and wouldn’t tell lyla abt it, but secretly whenever he’s talking abt lyla to civilians and family he’d refer her as “Andrea” for laughs but since it’s not in lyla’s code SHE’D HAVE NO IDEA!!!

I know it’s canon that lyla is canonically a small bit sentimental and somewhat secretly crushes on miguel in the comics (correct me if I’m wrong) but I’m p sure that happens and to that I say, she wouldn’t even remotely like my sona in that way, I see these two more as siblings in this universe than I do with the originals, so these two variants are seen as siblings and often times act like so!

Universe headcanons

I think what would separate the two from each other is my sona’s world would be a lot closer to what the 90’s kids thing we’d have in modern day society much rather what 2099 would have.

Like if you were to ask a kid from 1995 or something about what they think would happen and they said “flying phones” then so be it, bam it exists now lol

That’s just an example.

So it’s like what the 60s-90s predicted, or tried to, but a lot more realistic and the economy is better by 6%. Which isn’t a lot, but by today’s standards, it might as well be.

I like to think that his universe is WAAAAAAYYYY more diverse.

A lot more necessary items would be more available.

I also think my sona would be from the capital of oregon, Salem, much rather New York just because oregon has a special place in my heart.

This man’s civilian life is boring.

Before he was spider-man, I’d imagine him as an art guy. When he had time for it and used it as a job.

He’d probably be an artist with a psychologist degree. Which, yes, far from each other, but he uses it to the best of his ability to combine the two things.

Transportation would be funky, as flying cars would technically exist, but man would it make traveling easier.

Money would work the same way since I don’t really know how to make systems that would work out for the futuristic shit 2099 would offer, at first glance it seems a lot of it costs a lot, so I’d imagine it being a struggle.

And in any case, this also means my sona’s lyla isn’t his! This man stole got it from his brother.

My sona had two brothers as a reference to my own brothers, but for purposes of staying true to Miguel’s character (which I have not been doing well at doing) he’ll have to stick to having 1 that’s consistently mentioned. Which brother? I have decided to keep that vague.

End.

In conclusion: I just needed to rant abt this character and have been anxious to post abt him since this means a number of things and because I saw a bunch of other people come up with this idea many times before, but I really wanted to make this a thing since it’s been in my head nonstop.

Admittedly I thought abt this idea before I saw everyone else’s ideas, but after seeing them all I was super scared to post my version, but after some consideration i figured I’d just take down the post no problem if it comes down to it.

I don’t really like miguel as a person (this is not miguel hate/slander in any way), but man, he’s a great character. Like, sure. He’s an asshole with too much of an ego to save himself, which I’ve noticed is a running joke in the fandom.

But after seeing the script, I’ve noticed that this man is just misunderstood. Miguel is nothing more than an antagonistic hero who has nothing better to do than do what he views as right.

What he did is unforgivable, but it makes sense.

I will forever stay by Miles’ side of the whole plot, but it made sense why miguel would go to this extent. (Not saying he’s in the right. Miguel really isn’t and his cut and dry reasoning to why he does shit ARE NOT valid reasons as it’s completely unreliable, but if I were in his shoes and trying super hard not to fuck shit up, I’d PANIC.)

His biggest flaw is getting too caught up into the past and using his trauma as a reason for everything he considers logical, just to get by and help others the way he needs that help. The way he thinks is help for everyone, or the way he thinks is best TOO help.

Using trauma bonding (which is implied) to then “help” others to “not make the same mistake”, being so fixated on it to the point you can tell he hasn’t had human contact in any normal way for a while.

This also may explain the touch starve and touch adverse headcanons going around the miguel tag.

In a way, I admired miguel in that sense. He was like me, just if he was a bit grumpier.

He acted how I used to, and his shame was just as matched as it was with trauma.

And I felt that.

So, I decided to make a sona based off him. I promise I’ll make a more original one, but for now have this miguel rip-off.

While I hate miguel, I also respect his character as a whole.

(And because of the arguments of opinion and mischaracterization, no. This isn’t canon, this is my interpretation. And no, I will not demonize him just because I hate him. I honestly think he deserves just as much good as miles does, but miles needs a lot more attention as of recent events.)

#miguel o'hara #atsv miguel #miguel spiderverse #miguel spiderman #spiderman across the spiderverse #across the spiderverse #atsv fanart #atsv #miguel ohara #spiderverse oc #spidersona #spiderman atsv #atsv art #oc #oc art #sona #sona art #digital artist #uhhhh what other tag should I do #uhm 🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁 #spiderverse #spiderman #spiderman 2099 #this is not miguel slander #I’ll say that again. this is *NOT* miguel slander #atsv spoilers

[eliteprepsat]

Have you been wearing your mom’s USC sweatshirt since you were a little girl? Been cheering “Roll Tide!” and dreaming of studying in the SEC for years? Or always imagined yourself rubbing shoulders with the other Ivy Leaguers at Dartmouth or Yale? Many of us grow up with our sights set on attending a particular “dream” school. And when the day draws closer, it comes time to turn those hopes into practical strategies for receiving that coveted letter of acceptance. To help you, here are 12 tips for how to get into your dream college.  

1. FOCUS ON ACADEMICS

It’s no secret that good grades and high test scores are of utmost importance when trying to win over college admissions committees. To help with this, take Advanced Placement (AP) courses in your strongest subjects. The benefits of AP courses are far-reaching. They introduce you to college-level work, boost your GPA, and (at some schools) even count toward college credit. If there is a subject area that you struggle with, seek a tutor. Finally, find a local program or school that offers SAT and ACT courses designed to help you prepare for these tests.  

2. KNOW WHO YOU ARE

Grades aren’t the only thing that colleges care about when considering your application, however. Schools want to know that you are a unique individual who is more than just her GPA or SAT score. When preparing your application, it is important that you paint a picture for the admissions committee of this authentic self. Remember that colleges want talented musicians for their marching bands, awe-inspiring athletes for their sports teams, and forward-thinking minds for their science labs. And they want to advertise to the rest of the world the many accolades of the students in whom they are investing. So, in your application, be sure to explain how you will benefit your dream school just as must as how your dream school will benefit you.

3. GET INVOLVED

One of the best ways to show that you are a unique individual (and not just a number) is by getting involved in extracurricular activities. These can be any number of activities either inside or outside of school. Why do colleges care about extracurricular activities? Your involvement in extracurriculars demonstrates that, beyond your intelligence, you are curious, motivated, responsible, and well-rounded. Colleges also want students who will contribute to the life of the university beyond the classroom. And knowing about your extracurricular activities before college will help admissions committees envision how you will help contribute to the broader campus life during college—from joining clubs and helping plan events to starting new volunteer organizations. In all, by showcasing the activities that you have been involved with in the past, you prove to your dream college that you have walked the walk and are not just talking the talk.

4. PRACTICE YOUR CREATIVE WRITING SKILLS ✍️

When writing your college admissions essays, don’t just draft an “information dump” that lists out your many achievements. Rather, craft a narrative that hooks your reader and pulls them in to the story of your life. Ask yourself: Why am I a compelling character? What has been the most intriguing part of my life so far? And why is my dream school the best next step in my life story? This, ultimately, is what you are trying to convince your reader of in your admissions essays. The task will be far easier if you have practice reading, writing, and thinking about stories.

5. STAND OUT FROM THE CROWD

In an increasingly visual and digital age, we often find that formats outside of the written word better represent us. With this understanding in mind, many colleges have moved to accepting college essays in alternative formats to the traditional essay—such as video or audio documents. Sometimes these are accepted as supplemental application materials, while other times they are accepted in place of a written essay altogether. If it sounds like working within one of these mediums might be more your speed, check to see if your dream school accepts these forms of college essays. And then get to work! This kind of creativity can really help an application rise to the top of the stack.

6. EMBRACE YOUR ORIGIN STORY

Colleges want a student body that represents as much of the globe as possible. So, if your dream school is far from home, be sure to mention in your application how your unique cultural background and experiences can contribute to the richness and diversity of their institution. Colleges are also working to increase access to first-generation and low-income students. So, if you fit either of these categories, be sure to demonstrate your determination and grit by explaining your many achievements in spite of these challenges. Remember, too, the many scholarships that exist, including those for first-generation and low-income students. To get an idea of some of these opportunities, check out this directory from scholarships.com.

7. APPLY EARLY 📆

Another simple—yet effective—way to stand out from the crowd is to apply early to your dream school. According to a 2018 study by U.S. News and World Report, some U.S. colleges receive as many as 84,068 applications. With so many applications piling in every fall season, it’s smart to make an early impression. For more information on early application (which usually happens in early November), check out this post from the College Board.

8. NETWORK, NETWORK, NETWORK 🤝

Make connections with teachers and other mentors from different walks of your life, such as clubs and religious organizations. College applications often require letters of recommendation. You can ask adults with whom you’ve developed meaningful relationships over the years to speak to your best qualities in such letters. When asking for a letter of recommendation, it’s always best to ask your letter writers early so that they have plenty of time to complete their letters, to give them a copy of your resume as a reference, and to ask at least more than one individual than required as a backup in case someone doesn’t get their letter in on time.

9. SHOW YOU CARE 💕

Demonstrate genuine interest in your dream school by planning a campus visit, a campus tour, or even arranging an interview with someone from the admissions staff. While on campus, ask to be put in touch with current students and alumni to discuss their experiences. Make additional contacts with professors in your expected major. During these communications, share your knowledge of the school—a bit of its history, their sports teams and mascot, etc. This is your dream school after all, right?

10. GO TO COLLEGE BEFORE COLLEGE

See if your dream school offers any “bridge” programs that you might be interested in. These are programs that offer high school students the opportunity to study—and often to live—for a brief time on a college campus. They are a fun way to delve deeply into your favorite subjects alongside other students who care about the same things that you do, and they are often taught by top scholars in their respective fields. A few examples of such programs are The Writers Village program at Sarah Lawrence College (for creative writers) and the Research in Science & Engineering (RISE) program at Boston University. Having attended such a program at your dream school as a high school student will really show the admissions committee your interest and commitment to their institution.

11. DIVERSIFY YOUR DREAMS

Instead of setting your sights on just one “dream” school, shift your perspective so as to consider a trio or handful of “dream” schools. With so many wonderful schools out there, is any one of them truly perfect? While one college may be on the top of your list because of its stunning architecture and proximity to the city, another may be on the top of your list because of its top-tier study abroad program. The point is that every school has its unique strengths. And let’s face it: college admissions are competitive. So, if you open your mind to viewing a number of schools as “dream” schools, you might be less disappointed if you do happen to receive a rejection or two, and even more excited when those acceptances come in.

12. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF 💪

Speaking of the competitive nature of college admissions, it’s an important reminder to stay positive and believe in yourself throughout the application process. Eric Hoover of The New York Times reminds us of the many factors admissions committees must consider when weighing applications and urges us to not get overly upset if we do receive a rejection. He writes, “When colleges choose applicants, they’re juggling competing goals, like increasing diversity and bringing in more revenue. Admissions officers aren’t looking for students who fit just one description— say, those who’ve earned all A’s or won the most awards. So don’t take rejection personally.” Ultimately, since you can’t know all the factors that will go into your dream school’s decision to accept your application, it benefits you to stay calm, believe in yourself, and simply do your best.

#studyblr #study tips #college #college prep #college admissions #high school

[karukaru17]

Silly things

Last time I wrote I think I aid I was going to meet up with some friends. It's been a while but I just wanted to write how much I appreciate my friends. We talked in a panic drive thru. The sun was setting and it just stoped raining and the air was humid. I was burning up but my friend was cold so I had the ac on low facing me. I had to buy some flipflops from Walmart because the slippers I had on were dirty and gross. When we got to sonic we were making small talk. Honestly I don't even remember I just remember laughing and thinking we were going to just meet up for a bit and then I would go home. I was soooo wrong about that because we started talking about our experiences and the struggles of coming from an immigrant household and dealing with the expectations our parents have for us and we cried and comforted and it just felt like I wasn't alone with everything I was dealing with. I had so much in my head and I was finally able to talk about it. After the crying and trauma dumping I don't know what got into us but the H WORD talk started. I told them how I was friends with this guy and I showed them a picture and they were shocked because that guy is pretty. So they grabbed my phone and started sending him provocative.. not really.... maybe I DONT KNOW!!!! but I'm not like that I'm really shy but I do have a tiny itty bitty crush on this guy but I'm too scared to say anything. When they sent that he was so confused asking if I was pranking him and why was I talking that way because I don't talk like that. We had to back track and tell him to ignore it because I got embarrassed and I didn't want to scare him more. If you're reading this you probably think I'm a teenager but IM 21 YEARS OLD AND THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I DO THIS. I know there's many girls like me who were sheltered all there teenage years and are barely experiencing this but I don't know anyone that could share this with me and my friends are helping me. AHHHHHHH so embarrassing. I wonder what I will think a year from now??? WHAT WILL CHANE!!?? It's a little scary but it's fun. Well I already wrote a lot I AM SO SORRY!!!

[toasttdoods]

I'm climbing out of my sleepy mole hole because apparently, THERES NEW USERS, and I keep seeing a A LOT of posts about people talking about how the interaction system works here on tumblr (because, yknow, it isn't the Elon Musk dumpster fire that twitter is right now). Welcome!! I'm sure by now you've seen at least 3 posts yodeling about how reblogs are like manna from heaven dumped on our severely malnourished bodies, where as a like is about as effective as tooting into the wind.

Anyway, I was puttering about my tumblr as one would to distact oneself from yet again another visit of acid reflux, when I came across that tumblr had re-added the reblog graphs!! They provide an excellent visual for how reblogs and likes work.

Reblogs directly share the post to your followers dash for them to see, Likes do not. How tumblr works is like your dashboard is a street, and your reblogs are a MASSIVE billboard on the side of the road. When you reblog something that reblog goes onto the billboard, and everyone driving down the street (your followers) sees what you've put up! A like however, does not present itself on your or your followers dash. Liking a post is like you pinned that post on a cork board and hung it up in your closet. No one can see it except for you, when you open the closet.

Below is the reblog graph of this post. A reblog gragh shows how a post is spread from one dash to another.

This post lists that of the 86 notes (or interactions), 9 of them are reblogs. The graph ONLY shows when a post is shared from one dash to another, and connects the dots when someone reblogs the post from another. The yellow dot is me, the Original Poster, while the back dots are other people (hence why there are 9 reblogs listed, since my dot is the original post and not counted.) Take a look at dots one, two, and Five. One is a reblog of two, who was a reblog of 5, who reblogged the post directly from me. If 5 had NOT reblogged my post, two and one would not have seen it. Am I painting a picture?

Here's another example from this post:

It spider webs out doesn't it? There's reblogs that are 7 dots away from the original post. If any of those people didn't reblog the post, and dots further out and connected to them would not have seen this post. Here's the best example of my artwork that shows why reblogs are important The post

43,000 notes!!! See those GIANT clusters? Those were formed because ONE person reblogged it for other people to see and reblog. Do you see what I'm getting at? ( I think it was like, two youtubers that had tumblrs and reblogged it, best time of my life I got so many commissions.) Reblogging is so important, especially for artist (which takes up a good chunk of this platforms users), because when you reblog OTHER PEOPLE SEE IT. Likes don't do anything but make your own personal billboard (and even then it's NOT useful, you can't search takes in your likes so something you liked 3 years ago? Good luck finding it. Should have reblogged and tagged that shit. I've made sideblogs that I specially use to archive things by reblogging and tagging).

See something pretty? Reblog it so we can aklso see the pretty thing! See a funny thing, girl I'm struggling I need a laugh!!! Reblog the things that make you laugh, cry, wonder, passionate so others can see!!! Decorate your billboard. :) Sorry if this has so many typos or doesn't make sense, its almost 12 am and my bedtime, and my eyes are getting sandy lol

#Reblogs #toastttalks #wuh im tired but i had this on the brain

[awakenthemusic]

Suptober 2022 Day 2 - Pillow Talk

Gen, Short fic, 782 words, Family, Mentions of Homophobia, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Dean Winchester is Jack Kline's Parent, T for Language

When Jack wants to redecorate his room in a style that would have John Winchester rolling in his grave, Dean has to make a choice about how to handle it.

Under the cut or on Ao3

Bed, Bath, and Beyawn

Dean pushed a cart down an aisle full of pillows, blankets, and sheet sets as Jack stared around at all of the choices, his eyes wide.

I know I’ve done some messed up shit in my life, but what the hell have I ever done to deserve being stuck in Bed, Bath, and Beyawn or whatever the fuck...

Dean chuckled to himself. That was a good one. He'd have to remember to zing Sam with that one later. Serve the moose right, sending him to help Jack shop for stuff for his room.

I swear, you break one measly little clay figurine while your brother is taking for-fucking-ever to find shit in the archives and he starts sending you out on busy-work errands to keep you from touching things.

Jack darted back and forth across the aisle like a friggin ping pong ball, too excited by all the possibilities to stay calm.

Dean grinned fondly at him and figured maybe he should cut Sam some slack. At least someone was having a good time

Jack darted over to a pillow display, plunging his hands into the soft fabrics. “Oh,” He said. “Look at this one!” Jack held up a pillow and bounced on his heels in excitement.

The pillow Jack had chosen was covered in fake fur with a sequined heart on one side and, worst of all, it was pink.

Every train of thought that Dean had immediately derailed. Adrenaline dumped into his system as warning bells blared. From somewhere deep in Dean’s mind, the ghost of John Winchester snarled, “Real men don’t like pink, Dean. Am I raising a man or some kind of pansy fruit?”

Oblivious to Dean’s internal panic, Jack turned hopeful eyes on Dean and asked, “Can I get it?”

Dean took a deep breath and pictured wrestling John’s ghost back into its usual closet. He refastened the padlocks on it and added an extra layer of barbed wire for good measure.

That done, Dean focused on what the hell he should say to the kid. He couldn’t lie, Jack was way too good at picking up on that shit, and more often than not these days, Dean found that he really didn’t want to lie to Jack. Fuck knew he’d dealt enough with his own father lying to him when he was younger…

Not that Dean had done much better, he’d tried to shoot the kid more than once. But Dean was determined to make up for his mistakes and be a better role model, a better parent for Jack.

Jack stared at Dean, an innocent smile beaming on his face as he clutched the pillow that he clearly loved.

Dean flailed for something to say. He couldn’t lie and say he loved the idea of buying the pillow. Just looking at the thing threatened to make him break out in hives…

So many voices in Dean’s mind screamed at him to tell Jack that he couldn’t have the pillow; that he shouldn’t like pink; that, if he started down that road, he would end up gay.

Jack’s face fell and he said, “Or I can get a different one...”

No, that wasn’t what Dean wanted. He struggled to cut off all the voices screaming in his mind. There were a hell of a lot of things that Jack could be that would be worse than being gay, and it was all bullshit anyway. None of that was what Dean really thought.

So what do I really think?

“I think,” Dean said slowly as his entire body broke out in a cold sweat. “I think you should get whichever one makes you happy.”

Jack turned back, his eyes searching Dean’s face. Dean tried to focus on his conviction that what he said was true and ordered his shoulders and neck to unclench. He nodded encouragingly at Jack and tried to grin.

The biggest sunshine smile broke out on Jack’s face and the band of panic that had tightened around Dean’s rib cage loosened.

Dean took another calming breath and reminded himself that the world wouldn’t end if he bought his kid a pillow. John was long gone and no one else in his life would give a fuck what color pillow Jack picked out, so what the hell was Dean even worried about?

Dean reached out, gently took the pillow from Jack, and firmly put it in the cart. He took a moment to run his fingers through the fake fur, it really was ridiculously soft.

By the time he turned back to Jack, his grin felt much more natural. He said, “Come on, kid, you wanna pick out a pink rug to match?”

#suptober2022 #destiel #fanfic #fanfiction #spn #suptober22

[bittersweetlikecoffee]

Random photo dump for 2023...

Those outdoorsy and hotel pictures were taken on a planned trip to Portland, OR. It is everything you've thought about when the word "hipster" comes to mind. The majority of the food that I consumed was amazing: fresh, intentionally selected ingredients, so many food trucks and restaurants that were birthed from food truck conversions.

Seattle was weird to me. It IS weird. It also is suffering deeply from the struggles of the unhoused and temporarily displaced. But there is still beauty in her cracks. I have to separate my line of work from the city because she is so much bigger than my 12 hour shifts.

Portland is like this. Go and see it. Put it on your bucket list and budget for it.

Amarylis is a beautiful girl, and she has impending appointments to be made. She screams at me for attention and never says "no" in cat to affection from her parents. It's more like a "not right now" in cat, where she appears affronted that you'd so much as touch her and then sashays as she turns away from you and starts preening and grooming. Diva...

She's been a great source of comfort to me, though. Amarylis never fails to curl up at the foot of the bed while I go to sleep or just nuzzle my legs and sit beside me when I'm relaxing at home. She is the chillest of cats except for when it's close to the hours of 5am and 4/5pm, her feeding times, and then she becomes this feigning, wild-eyed, desperate, whiny little thing practically prostrating at your feet.

But other than that, she's wonderful. 10/10. Would clone another of her for sure!

That. Coffee. Bar.

I made that. 🥹😭

It's very Magnolia Home and Pinteresr-inspired. Did I nail the modern farmhouse look? Yes? I'm going to say I did. Emphatically. The bar was ordered off of Amazon and is really good quality. It took like 2 hours to install with my partner.

The knick knacks: mugs, coffee stirrers, canisters, and storage jars, and what have you are from Fred Meyer (local grocery store chain out here that's like this regional part of the country's answer to Wal-Mart. It literally has everything, even jewelry and engagement rings), Wal-Mart, Amazon Fresh (that cute pop of orange from that mug in the left corner? A free promotion giveaway and thank you gift from the associates at the Amazon Go in my apartment complex. I have two.), and Target.

In a few months, I will be visiting my parents' homeland of Jamaica. My home away from home. My other place. My Caribbean heritage. I am quietly excited and celebratory but also personally struggling so...

I'm peac-ing out for now. I'll lurk on here and probably won't post like this for another few months. Expect the occasional random reblog. Maybe I'll post vacation pics to Jamaica. Sans family. Just me and my boo.

But, before that, I have to deal with some personal shit: work stress, life stress, my stress...and all the effed up mess, and then I need to love on my man. He's been holding me down since day one and never ever stops. Of course, I support and cheerlead him 200 percent all day every day. That's Bae. I know what I offer and what my value is. He meets and matches that exponentially and without question or complaint. 10/10. Bitch, get you a cis- or Trans or nonbinary or asexual or whatever and however they want to be identified as- Grade A Patrick. Or I could just clone him.

Alright, ya'll, let me shut up cuz I know this shit isn't getting read to the very end.

Until next time, lovelies... ✌🏿

Xoxo💋

#personal pics #personal photos #my face #me my face and i #self portrait #at home #cozy aesthetic #my cat #my kitty #my rants #rant incoming #tldr

[bloodcorpceo]

today i am feeling pretty blackpilled. it's the first of the month...

i wanted to feel renewed, refreshed but instead I'm feeling pretty hopeless. i am having one of my many body dysmorphia outbursts. i saw this ugly picture of myself in bad lighting last night at a party and immediately began having negative thought loops and an anxiety attack. i know that sounds really silly to people who don't have issues like this but for me... this just made me feel defeated and hideous. i was already feeling down and ugly because no one talked to me at the bar or club last night again... people almost never approach me and my friends tell me it's because im "unapproachable" but sometimes i wonder if this is just cope not to hurt my feelings. what if the only time i look decent is when i am extremely curated but im actually ugly? i see all my flaws intensely and i often think im hideous or mid at best, no this isn't fishing for compliments either I've never been mentally sound with my appearance and spent too much of my life actually being a 4 to the point where i have permanent damage to my self image and general mental state.

i think the people around me irl are awful at dealing with and helping me with my mental health issues. this morning when i was seeking some kind of solid answer my friend just would silently nod or just say something like "don't seek approval from others". my mother and i got into an argument and she raised her voice at me calling me shallow and saying my primary focus is my appearance but she chooses to live in lala land and refuses to recognize that your appearance determines your entire quality of life, especially when you are as poor as me. i literally have no escape out of poverty besides my appearance because in reality I'm not that bright. my mom doesn't understand my mental health state despite having a psychology degree. she doesn't have pcos like me and never struggled with her weight as a young woman, always had tons of friends and boyfriends, was voted prom queen and even had a modeling contract. how could she ever possibly understand how i feel or relate to me? i have quite literally lived most of my life as a femcel. i can count on one hand how many friends i have even now and didn't even kiss a guy until i was over 20.

just last year i started to get sort of attractive by losing weight, changing my makeup and hair and finally felt a little comfortable putting myself out there but I'm still terrified. i still don't go out much and i feel like i repel people. I've built a wall to protect myself from being hurt again. i might be prettier than before but i still feel the same inside and I'm still socially inept, so i still don't attract people. i really need therapy but i cant afford it. i have been intensely struggling financially this year and i could barely scrounge up a dollar today to pay for my change difference at Starbucks because i desperately needed to get out of the house. i feel intensely upset about the fact that i thought i had found the perfect job to work from home just for the guy to scam me and never pay me even though i worked in bed editing a book for him while i was sick with COVID so i could get it in on time.

i was working my ass off expecting some compensation i desperately need. i feel at a dead end, I've been applying many places but my nail school schedule fucks me and it seems no one really wants to hire me. i can't go until the spring like this, I'm drowning in debt. i am also not looking forward to going back to nail school because i don't like the other girls and i had some issues and the vibe is dead, it won't be fun anymore, it won't be the same. i get upset thinking about it because i feel unwanted. i tried to talk to my friend about this too and she still gave me no reassurance, just the same generic responses. i don't feel relieved or comforted. i suppose i should stop dumping my feelings on my friends but i feel hopeless and really depressed. i don't want to do anything, right now i don't even want to exist.

i just want a decent job and a good man next to me and a home of my own and to get the fuck out of Detroit and to get the surgeries i want and to be thinner and prettier and i want a therapist

#tldr #trauma dump #bdd #depression

[geekgemsspooksandtoons]

My new thoughts on Transformers Dark of the Moon

I have rewatched the full film after a long time. It’s been many minutes since then. Even though the film is eleven years old. But I want to warn ahead that I will mention there will be spoilers in this. But they will be under the keep reading option. This won’t be a full-on review. But a bunch of rambles in separate parts and...how would’ve changed the film. This is all just my opinion.

If you just want to hear my quick thoughts on the film. Here’s what I want to say.

I genuinely liked it...I still like it. Even though there are things I think could’ve changed. But I actually liked this film. This is maybe my favorite Bayformers film. But I still like the first one a lot.

That I recall a nice friend of mine from years ago, Cure4, a guy who did fake movie posters, and did review some movies. But he’s sadly gone from the internet. If I can recall what he said right...I agree with him that Dark of the Moon should’ve been the sequel that the 2007 film should’ve had. And I feel like this was the last Transformers film Michael Bay at least tried. Particularly with the fact this would’ve been his last...until shit changed.

Moving on.

-

- I’d just want to say that I think this film has the best CGI in the franchise. I’m being serious. The special effects and everything else are so good. It doesn’t feel cheap (Which sounds rude of me sorry). And I thought Revenge of the Fallen still had good effects. But this takes the cake along with the original 2007 film.

It just looks so real and professional.  The robots, the destruction, and many other things. It looks really damn good. And strangely...beautiful eye candy in a sense.

- The score from Steve Jablonsky is maybe my favorite in the Bayformers pentalogy. Along with the score from the 2007 film. This man always fuckin delivers. Honestly, all of the scores for these films are so good.

- This may sound strange but considering the runtime...I think the pacing is pretty fine. It’s long enough for the story it needs to be told, and it works for the film. 

- I honestly think out of all of the villains in the Bayformers pentalogy, Sentinel Prime is the best villain right to Megatron in the 2007 film. And an added bonus is that he’s voiced by Leonard Nimoy. Who voiced Galvatron in the 1986 Transformers film. He does a fantastic job.

Don’t worry, I’ll get into more of the criticisms. But I wanted to say some positive stuff first.

- Let me tell you this. I don’t hate Sam Witwicky as a character. But I think I’m more frustrated in a sense with him.

To be honest, I can understand his struggles with him and his arc. The whole job thing, and I get he wants to matter. But I think a problem with his character is that...again, I get he’s pissed, he’s frustrated with his place in life. But I feel like his character should’ve been more likable. While he does get better in the film. Maybe that’s the point. 

I feel like the problem with his character is that I guess he’s inconsistent. Or that he just seems...too rude at times. Which sounds so strange. Because this will lead into the next part. While I find his freakout with his car funny. This dude...he’s a mixed bag. But maybe that’s the point. 

Including I will admit, couldn’t he...treat Bumblebee more like a person or so? Sam is a weird mixed bag for me. Despite at times he does get better.

- Let me make this clear. I am aware of the situation with Megan Fox and they didn’t have time to rewrite Carly’s job...and the fact that Mikeala’s character arc is...kind of ruined when you hear she just dumped Sam and a new girlfriend comes into the picture. I do have an idea that...would’ve made more sense of her departure...but it’s fucking dark. And it would’ve been disrespectful to Megan. 

- I just want to admit this. I don’t care about Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s acting. I actually really didn’t mind Carly as a character. But here’s my problem.

She is supportive, and the fact she deals with Sam. Even when he’s frustrated. She has a good reason to be upset when Sam starts working with the Autobots again because her brother in the military died. She’s a genuinely likable person. And I feel like girl...why are you with this guy? Or the fact he’s acting...rude recently. And a part of me feels like I would rather have her as the main character, which may sound strange.

I will admit, I love her scene with Megatron. I actually like that. She has some major balls doing that. 

Again, I didn’t mind her character. But I was just wondering with how Sam was acting. The fact she is able to deal with him in that time...I’m talking a lot about the human characters, I know.

- I really liked the scenes with Optimus and Sentinel. But I wished there were more scenes or one more before Sentinel’s betrayal. Because it feels short and that could’ve been developed more.

- Soundwave is brilliant, despite being so underused. I do agree and wished he had some blue on him. Because I’m one of the many that feels like the Decepticons could’ve used more color. Because the silver/white thing just...he blends with others. Also, a reference to G1. Just making him blue. And there should’ve been more of him.

I remember being genuinely surprised when the Mercades transformed. Because I was literally expecting him to be an SUV like in the Dark of the Moon video game.

But I think what’s great about Soundwave is despite his short screentime. I love the fact that he’s been spying on the characters the whole time, and he was Carly’s vehicle. While not like the cassette player in G1. Soundwave as an espionage specialist is used in this, and I just wished we saw more of him. I think it’s just the idea of him working with Dylan that will always stick with me and that twist. Because I actually wasn’t expecting it. Despite Michael Bay tried so hard to keep that a secret.

- Before seeing this film again. I’ll just admit this. Patrick Dempsey’s role as Dylan Gould was the one that stood out to me the most. And I think that’s mainly because my memory of his performance seemed...more cartoonish. Yet still leaving a strong impression on me. That scene sticks with me.

My memory of Dylan as a character compared to how he was in the movie. The idea that despite he appears like a totally chill and cool boss. This guy is a big douchebag and him just fucking losing it over the course of the film. But it’s handled, more maturely than how I remembered it. More so the idea that despite he tries justifying in what he’s doing. The idea he secretly doesn’t care and likes what he’s doing. But that’s not part of the story.

But I do like him as a villain. Despite the...lore for these films is...difficult and the tie-in comics tried their best to make them work. But I think it’s maybe due to my head canons and shit in my head that made me think of his character as an even worse person. Like him being with Soundwave, and all that.

Yet I do think it’s still human, but still douchey that he tries to justify being on the “Winning side” so he can live and that he “Inherited” Soundwave. I do like the foreshadowing when he’s first introduced that he says he puts his bets on the winning side or something. It’s a small piece of dialogue. But it’s said there.

- You know, I am annoyed by the fact during behind the scenes with Wheeljack becoming Que...Que is fine...but still...

- You know, even as a kid, I am saddened we didn’t get any big stuff with Starscream later in these films. I remember being a kid and feeling like Starscream not betraying Megatron in this film was bothersome...because this would’ve been the “Last film”...but...yeah.

At least he had “Reign of Starscream” and I fucking love Charlie Alder as Starscream. He’s perfect as his voice. But even though he’s kissing Megatron’s ass to likely save his own ass. It’s still annoying we didn’t any big role for him. Which makes seeing his death...kind of annoying.

Even though I think it was badass of Sam to straight up jump onto Starscream’s face and stab a bomb into his other eye. A part of me feels like Starscream should’ve survived, but then you wonder what else would happen if they did that...I seriously feel like Starscream should’ve been seen in command more before Megatron was revived.

- Shockwave...

Listen, I love his design. But his portrayal in this film...is bothersome. It’s mainly because of the fact Shockwave is such a more “Logical” type of character. A scienist basically. Whether in the original Marvel comics he would betray Megatron because he believed it would be more logical if he was leader. Or that he was a loyal follower of Megatron who would do experiments on Autobots in Fall of Cybertron. Or even his Animated adaptation...

Shockwave acts more like a...somewhat mindless brute. I don’t mind him being as powerful as Megatron. But it’s so weird, and I remember being hyped hearing he was the main villain.

But the fact he lacks any screentime, and he acts more like a “Big CGI monster” than his own character. It also sucks this dude had a lot of promos on him. But again, it sucks. And I like his design. It would’ve been better if he was Lugnut. But then you would have to change his design and the driller worm may not be there. Yet I think Bay wouldn’t care looking into recent Transformers lore.

And yes, I’m aware of comic book tie-ins for the films. It’s still bothersome. In a way, it’s like how Lizzie was treated in Rampage 2018. But for Rampage, that worked with the story they were telling.

I’m rambling, Shockwave in this film is cool until you remember the cool shit he can do in other media. And you feel disappointed that used the most “Logical” of all the Decepticons.

- The ending...the fact the ending was changed because the studio did not want the adaptations ending the same as the movie...and Bay was pissed at the leaks. That he ordered an executive order to have no tie-ins or adaptations for the next two films...

And we got an ending that...really shows something dark with Optimus’s character. I would’ve preferred the original ending where Megatron and Optimus teamed up against Sentinel. And the fact they talked gave them more depth. Especially Megatron as a character.

I will admit, if they wanted to go with both endings in a way. Or a way that doesn’t showcase...Optimus...being so extreme. They could’ve had Megatron be the one who killed a begging Sentinel, with Optimus watches in horror at what happens. Giving Megatron something more note-worthy in the movie and giving Optimus more of a reason to kill Megatron.

But...I prefer the original ending. 

- I have a lot to say. You know...this is just a fan part here...I’m still disappointed that Bay doesn’t like the Dinobots, and they weren’t in the original trilogy.

Despite the fact these films don’t take continuity seriously or try certain shit...this is a fan suggestion...

I fucking wished the Dinobots were extra Autobots that were hidden along with Sentinel, and them going against him. Or even replace the Wreckers. That doesn’t make sense. But I just feel like with the epic set pieces in Chicago. It would’ve been perfect to put the Dinobots in there wrecking shit.

But I still love the irony that two of the smallest Autobots are the ones that took down a ship...

Still would’ve loved a Dinobot charge into Chicago. But I’m reminded that I recall being disappointed that Unicron wouldn’t be the next big villain in the third film. But I think it was for the best they didn’t do that. And considering how they treated his character or...what they were going to do with him.

- Last two updates because I forgot to mention these. Simmons is funny. I’m sorry, to me, he still is. I also like Dutch too.

- Okay, this is something that’s been on my mind for a long while. Because this movie is somewhat of a loose adaptation of “The Ultimate Doom” or more so, this story was inspired by it. I tried looking up any sort of logic about this.

If Cybertron in this movie was still that close to Earth? Wouldn’t there be drastic weather changes? Such as tornados, tidal waves, and earthquakes if I recall right? Would that happen if something like that were to happen in reality? 

But honestly...for some reason I would trust the cartoon much more. Because Ehren Kruger and Michael Bay sometimes don’t care about logic. Look, I’m no scientist, but I feel like there would be consequences if a planet like Cybertron was close to Earth. Yet, it wasn’t there for days or however how long. This is something that really makes me think.

- Final update, my apologies. I did question if I should talk about this. If it really mattered, because I had forgotten about it. As a Decepticon fan. I appreciate this film being a “The Decepticons Strike Back” kind of thing. The idea they almost win and using this old plan...but I think it depends on how you look at it considering the lore from the last two films.

-

I think I’ll just mention some shit I want to talk about. Watching this film, there needed to be more stuff of Optimus and Sentinel, even some more footage of the Decepticons. Including things like the Wreckers completing freeing Optimus, and the Autobots being taken prisoners. Because some of that shit is offscreen. I feel like characters like Dino/Mirage weren’t needed.

And I feel like with the parallel with Optimus & Sentinel to Sam and Dylan. I feel like to make the twist with Dylan could’ve been stronger if we got a bit more of Dylan before that. Maybe Sam could’ve accepted that job offer by Dylan. Instead of that job interview crap they were doing. Basically, take out John Malkovich’s character, yet you could retain elements of that place...and maybe when Sam is trying to get Carly out of that party and Sam decides to be rude and “Quits” which gets Dylan to stop fucking around and be honest about who he really is.

I didn’t want to change a majority of the story. Also, make Sam...less bothersome...and I feel like this dark idea I had long ago concerning Mikeala. I feel it doesn’t make sense that she just dumps him after everything they had gone through. I feel like what would’ve been better to explain her exit from the story was that a Decepticon killed her...yet I feel like that would’ve been like a middle finger to Megan. And it just feels...weird.

It’s like if you did the death of Gwen Stacy. But you only mention it. 

I think I’ve rambled long enough. I have been writing this for I think nearly or well...two hours.

Edit update basically my rewrite would involve Sam and Dylan being pretty alright with each other. But after Sentinel’s betrayal, Sam is just not having it, he’s not hiding his feelings about Dylan. Which leads into that twist. Something to kind of mirror Optimus and Sentinel’s relationship. But it’s not the same.

Also, like I said on Twitter. I think Sam should’ve gotten a similar gun like Cade got in Age of Extinction. While not the same and maybe not as strong. But Sam deserved something like that after all the shit he’s been through.

#GeekGem Rambles #transformers #bayformers #transformers dark of the moon