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genericpuff · 1 year

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Lore Olympus Art Analysis - Getting to the Bottom of It

For ages now it's been a common point of discussion - what's the process involved in Rachel's creation of Lore Olympus?

As a community, we've all discussed and speculated Rachel's process among herself and her assistants and how it seems to result in cheaper art each week. Same face syndrome, the overuse of the multiply tool, the dull backgrounds that often enter nightmare fuel territory, the lack of color vibrancy compared to Season 1, the repetitive poses and shots, the theories that different assistants are handling different aspects of individual panels, the clear lack of buffer, the list goes on and on.

But I think we've finally gotten to the bottom of what's going on. Or at least, deeper than we've gotten before and it feels like now we're closer to fully understanding Rachel's process than ever before.

Normally, I wouldn't care this much about dissecting the steps of creating a comic. Everyone's process is different, and when you're working with a team, that can introduce a whole new layer of understanding. I've worked with my own assistants in the past, trained to work in the animation industry which relies on coordination between people, and fully understand what's required to go into making a finalized piece of work put together by multiple people. All that's to say, having assistants doesn't necessarily mean you do less work.

When it comes to LO, though, I do feel this compulsion to tear into it more because Rachel seems to completely lack this understanding, and it shows in her work.

Before I continue, I want to throw in a quick disclaimer - when we criticize Rachel's art, it's not to throw any of her assistants under the bus. All of her assistants are incredibly skilled in their own right. When I criticize Rachel's art as a whole - regardless of who helped shape it into its final form - I'm criticizing not just the art itself, but her direction. Rachel is, essentially, a director of a team, and how she manages that team reflects how her work looks in the end after it's all been put together. I will be showing pieces of art from her assistants in this essay, none of this is to promote any shame or hate towards these people. This is purely an essay speculating on Rachel's directing capability and how she manages her team and is not meant to be taken as objective fact beyond what I am capable of proving as an outsider looking in. I consider her assistants people who are just being hired to do a job, I do not condone holding them responsible for the nosedive Lore Olympus has taken in quality over the past few years. These are simply points and speculations that myself and the ULO community came to after discussing it at length.

Alright, so, where to begin?

This essay started with me having a simple conversation with @loreolympusminoredits over on Instagram. They had pointed out a couple panels from a recent free episode where you could see the texturing wasn't being applied properly. You have to look really closely, but once you spot it, you can clearly see the outline of a square where the texturing block wasn't repeated.

It's VERY obvious in this last panel of Hades, look along the back of his shirt, you can clearly see the color warping from the texture block overlaid on top of him.

Now, I have a few theories for this on its own, it really depends on what drawing program these assistants are using. Some of them use Clip Studio. Others use Procreate. There is no consistent requirement in workstations or software among the team, which is Rachel's first mistake. There's a reason why the animation and film industry requires everyone to be using Adobe products whether they like it or not - because it keeps things consistent across the board. It doesn't matter how good you are at Clip Studio or how much you like Procreate, you need to be on the same software and hardware as everyone else to ensure that you can access the same tools, brushes, and workflow as the rest of the team. No one wants to have someone working primarily in Clip Studio who can't access the same brushes or files as the people working in Adobe. As much as I personally hate working in Photoshop, if I were to get an industry job, I would be expected to work in Photoshop, no questions asked. It's part of the job.

Moving on from that, this led me to wonder which assistant was doing these panels, because it's clear that this texturing problem is mostly at the end of Episode 242 during the Persephone / Hades conversation. There's also one stand-out feature that tells us it's the same person making these panels - the bobblehead necks.

Bobblehead necks have been a very noticeable feature in the comic's art decline over the past while. They typically happen when a character - especially a female one - is being drawn from the front. They're usually also defined with noticeable jugular and collarbone lines.

So, which assistant is it drawing the bobblehead necks?

Rachel's art team switches up a lot. Sometimes she has 3, sometimes she has as many as 8. Some assistants tag in, others are consistent.

So far the most noticeably consistent assistants in terms of participation since S2.2 (i.e. post-time skip S2) are Dnaeri, HardHeadedWoman, AmyKing89, and HeyItsJaki (as credited on their episodes). They're the usual team credited at the end of episodes, with the exception of maybe one artist not being present or an extra artist tagging in.

Upon checking their Instagrams, I am becoming way more certain of who does what and how Rachel does her process.

Let's start with HeyItsJaki:

Very thick lineart, distinguished collarbones, defined fingernails/fingers. Thick shading underneath the neck. Sometimes pouty lips if the expression calls for it.

Now let's look at HardHeadedWoman:

Very Disney/Warner Bros reminiscent art, with most notably, thick necks and distinguished jawline features on guys and hourglass figures/thin wrists/thin fingers on women.

And then we have Dnaeri:

It's harder to pin down her style because she seems to just draw whatever she's feeling like, but most notably are how she draws hands and collarbones, very similarly to Jaki, but with one noticeable difference - softer and rounder lines and shapes.

The irony is that Dnaeri and HeyItsJaki both have the same name - Jaki - so them having similar tells in their styles is just something I wanted to point out. Just a funny thought.

That said, Dnaeri DID post a drawing of Persephone once in her own style/interpretation, and there are definitely things to note here.

The collarbone distinction. The anatomy of the fingers and toes. The lighter lineart. The little 'dip' along the edge of the smile.

Moving on. Let's talk about the last assistant who I feel deserves a specific mention - AmyKim89.

You see, Amy is what I'm going to call the smoking gun. All thanks to this post:

Recognize that panel? That's the flat of Dream Persephone from Episode 204.

And this is what the final panel looked like.

Now, Webtoons cropping aside (don't mind the seam running through Persephone's chest) this confirms multiple things for us.

1. AmyKim89 was not the one to shade this panel.

2. The assistants are working purely off Rachel's sketches.

3. The assistants can be in charge of their own lining, which would explain the inconsistent lineart throughout each episode.

4. There are no backgrounds present meaning someone else is in charge of the backgrounds.

5. Flats can be changed and added to after the assistant has already done their job.

To talk about #5 first, notice the pantyhose that were added that make her legs disappear into her cloak. The baby's face changing. The added flower and necklace. Her eyes changing direction.

Regarding #1, look at how the shading makes the art so much more dull. The previous version of this panel with just the flats genuinely looks so much better than the finished piece.

This was, as I'm sure you can imagine, a pretty big find. While I'm sure Amy would probably not be happy to see me using her innocent post as proof for my hyperfocused ramblings tearing apart Rachel's process, I'm glad she posted it nonetheless because it finally shows us a smidge of what the process might be like during production.

Going back to the shading really quick - Amy was not the one who shaded that panel. But I did notice that out of every little inconsistent thing in LO, the shading is some of the most consistent, and it's consistently awful. Dull muddy tones, lack of consideration of space or lighting, clearly the multiply tool being used even when it really shouldn't be, placement of shading primarily under the eyes even when it makes the face look too dim to look good.

It's always being done with the same watercolor-like brush, with the same multiplied tones, and the same 'edges' along where the shading hits the light.

We also know that Rachel eyedrops her colors.

I don't think it's farfetched to believe that her assistants likely do too to a degree. Or they're working off color palettes from previous episodes they've done before which is resulting in this color dissonance where characters change colors, sometimes in between panels.

Considering the constant muddy shading, and the fact that the assistants may not be doing it, I believe it's Rachel doing the shading in the post-production. If you need more proof, here's a reel of her shading in Hades with the exact same techniques seen in finalized panels.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Rachel Smythe (@usedbandaid)

instagram

Otherwise, if it's not Rachel doing the shading, it could very likely be Dnaeri, as they're one of the longest-running assistants on the team (they came on during S1).

Moving on from that, let's circle back to AmyKim89's drawing of Persephone. She specifies she did the flats and lines for that panel, working off Rachel's sketches. But one noticeable thing is that there's no background.

This lead a bunch of us in ULO to speculate that Rachel is also the one throwing in the background and throwing PNG's of the characters on top.

Proof? How about the fact that there are panels out there with crunchy characters and pristine backgrounds?

I already suspected that the character was zoomed in and the background wasn't, but Amy's post confirms more than that - that the assistants are essentially drawing PNG's which don't get backgrounds until Rachel - or another one of her assistants - adds them.

Here's another panel that I strongly suspect was done by Amy judging by the colors (but the lineart feels like it could be Jaki):

Look at how she's floating in empty space. This wasn't drawn background first and Hestia second, this was drawn with Hestia first and they slapped a background behind her.

It would also explain why we get panels of characters missing their bottom halves or their limbs - because the backgrounds ended up being larger than they were anticipating in the final shot.

There are a whole bunch of things we can speculate on here knowing what we know from past essays and what I've laid out here.

Rachel may only be involved in the beginning and end of these episodes. She does the roughs, hands the sketches out to her assistants, which they flat and line, and she puts in the shading, dialogue/speech bubbles, texturing, and last details after they're all handed in. This would also explain why there are so many typos - lack of time to edit/proofread - and why sometimes there will be characters speaking but their mouths won't be open.

Rachel hands out the sketches to her assistants individually who flat and line it and hand them back. Sometimes they're handed individual panels, other times they're handed entire pages with a few panels on them. This would explain why we can go an entire scene with a character looking one way and then looking completely different by the next.

Think back to all those previous essays. Everything we've learned so far - that Rachel's buffer is miniscule, that she's shading with the multiply tool, that she's clearly only contributing the roughs and few panels that she makes from random drawings she did on a whim and waits until she can find a chance to shoehorn it into the comic.

Rachel started off drawing this comic just on her own. When she took on assistants, there were only two - AmbitiousIcarus and Madd_Joey.

But eventually, she took on more and more. Two became three, three became five, and nowadays, she maintains a consistent art team of 4-6 people per episode, not including herself or the rotating artists who come and go every now and then.

This has been happening steadily since the Episode 50's range of S1.

The summer when Lore Olympus' licensing rights for animation were sold to the Jim Henson Company.

I'm not gonna sit here and tell you that the assistants were the downfall of LO. I think they're all amazing artists, each in their own right - but their art is clearly failing to shine through in the wake of Rachel's poor management and organization. Rather than delegating single people to single roles - lines, flats, shading, texturing, etc. - she's handing things out panel by panel as she sketches them out... and considering how poor her time management is as we've all seen, it's not hard to come to the conclusion that these assistants are all being put in positions where they have to rush out lower quality work. Rachel is haphazardly dividing up the work between more people all the while contributing less and less on her own end in pre-production, post-production, and quality checking as time goes on. The final episodes weren't immediately noticeably bad as soon as she started taking on more assistants, but it's clear Rachel's involvement in the comic and its quality control has been declining rapidly since the Jim Henson purchase.

Again, this isn't to point fingers or assume the worst of anyone, but it really is food for thought. I hope that this was, at the very least, informative for those of us who've wondered over the years what Rachel's process is like. It definitely seems messy from what we can tell on the surface and frankly, if I could be in the same room as Rachel, I'd be using all this as an example of why she needs to manage her team and her time better. But that's not my place to do so. All I can do is speculate on it and spend way too much time writing an essay about it LMAO None of what I've written here is 'proof' of anything, as I'm not in the position to be able to do such a thing - that's reserved solely for Rachel and her assistants - but it's becoming plainly obvious what the workflow looks like and why the comic looks shittier and shittier every week.

All that said, I don't feel like her assistants get nearly enough credit for the work they do for Rachel. She can't even be bothered to remember the name of the guy who edited the books for her (it's Edwin, by the way) and you never see her bring up her assistants when she talks on interviews about how hard she works or how difficult it is to make a webcomic. At this point, Rachel may as well be the Queen of England - all the pomp and reward and credit, with nothing to show for leadership or actual work ethic.

It's not your work we're seeing each week - it's the work of people who are rushing to meet your deadlines, win your awards, and do your homework.

You are the sum of the parts you utilize in your workflow. You are not here purely of your own efforts. It can barely be called 'your work' at this point. Lore Olympus has become the Ship of Theseus - barely recognizable for what it once was after being haphazardly pieced together by the efforts of others.

And that's all I'm gonna say on that.

#lore olympus critical #lo critical #antiloreolympus #anti lore olympus

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cock-holliday · 7 months

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Hey, I'm sorry if this is outside of your wheelhouse but you're one of my fav Butch bloggers and I wanted to get your honest opinion on it. I recently got an Instagram reel from a (white) Butch, yeehawllywood, shared on my feed which defined Butch as a Lesbian-exclusive gender identity and in a reply to a comment, that "Butch is to Lesbians what 2S is to the indigenous community".

Now I'm not Butch but I do have a cultural gender identity somewhat similar to 2S, and my partner is 2S herself. I think the comparison is somewhat offensive but since neither of us are Butch, I'd like a Butch Opinion on the whole thing so I'm not ignorant when I discuss how I disagree with it.

( the reel in question; I can't link comment replies but the comment it's attached too should show up near the top : www instagram com/reel/ CwHEbi0sCfK/ )

Oof, I am not two-spirit so I cannot speak to how offensive the comparison is but my understanding is that it would be pretty offensive and also at least fairly ignorant.

"Butch" as a term is not even woman-specific, as it was historically used in drag and ballroom scenes of all genders. But within sapphic spaces, it is neither lesbian-specific nor exclusively a gender identity. Butch can be used to describe someone masculine, it can describe queer masculinity, and it can be a gender. The beauty of butch is that it does not have hard borders--quite the opposite of two-spirit.

If anything, a term to compare to 2S is "stud," which is a descriptor/gender/gender modifier for Black masculinity which came about from gatekeeping of terms like butch over race and as a way to distinguish how Black masculinity has its own experiences separate from other mascs. Anyone who tells you that butch only belongs to X is a big liar, but Stud is a closed term that not anyone can claim.

"Butch" belongs to all genders, it belongs to all sexualities, and it describes a whole host of experiences of queer masculinity.

Here is a similar ask

Here is just the essay I Know What Butch is, which debunks all this (also included in the above ask)

The Butch Manual: text debunking the idea that butch is woman-specific

Literally any piece by Leslie Feinberg dunks on the idea that butch is woman-specific or cis-specific or woman-for-woman-only-specific

Stone Butch Blues

https://transgenderwarrior.org/

Other butch writers/speakers/authors who discuss butchness to look into:

Ivan Coyote

Jack Halberstam

S. Bear Bergman (author of I Know What Butch Is from Butch Is A Noun)

Kate Bornstein

Eli Erlick

Text/Video on this very issue

Another article on border fuzziness

Soooooo long story short--no that person is super incorrect.

Also thank you for the lovely compliment!

#ask #anon ask #butch

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jadagul · 3 months

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Freddie deBoer has a new review of a book called Filterworld, by Kyle Chayka. And the book sounds interesting, and the review is interesting, and you might want to read it, but I found myself fighting the review the whole time. Because one of the early observations, on which the whole argument seems to rest, is:

Where once human being served as the primary curators for our cultural environments, now mathematical abstractions recommend various forms of arts and media for us, dictating fashions, altering style. Amazon pushing a book on us like a fentanyl dealer selling his wares, Netflix serving up yet another project by the delightful Daniel Chang, that same hideous wallet showing up in your Instagram feed again and again, each happens because somewhere some piece of code gave you a once over and decided what kind of person you are.

And that just...doesn't actually fit my experience of the world or the internet? I find books when my friends recommend them (repeatedly, over the course of years, thanks @necarion) or when I read people write essays about them. I watch movies...well, honestly I don't watch movies but when I do it's because a friend really pushes me to watch this one, or because it's been on my list for years. I find new restaurants from the Michelin list or from word of mouth from friends, or sometimes from reading articles in local news sources that make something sound interesting. I spend a lot of time on social media but I read it all in reverse-chronological order. I have no idea what Instagram wallet he's talking about.

I do see recommendation feeds sometimes but I mostly ignore them, and when I do look at them they're often pretty dumb.

And of course part of the point is that what I see is still downstream of other people responding to recommendations. I find out about things from word of mouth, but how did my friends find them? I get restaurant recommendations from lots of places, but the restaurants still have to stay in business. And so that's all valid.

But the passage there just doesn't match my experience of the internet at all.

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johannestevans · 11 months

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New webzine, a new trans-centric erotica publication, and a bunch of new pieces from me!

Good evening!

So simplest things first, I set up a TikTok! I'm hoping to keep uploading clips from my comedy gigs to Instagram and TikTok respectively.

I'm on the line-up at a comedy gig tomorrow night in Athlone if you're in the West of Ireland and you'd like to come along! The gig is at The Brazen Monkey, and the show is gonna start at 8:30PM.

You can get tickets online here for €10 plus the booking fee, and tickets will be €15 on the door.

There's also a new comedy night run by Black Crow Comedy here in Galway - it's an open mic intended for women and queer and nonbinary comedians, and it's at 9pm on Wednesday the 5th July in Aras na nGael.

This event is to raise money for Galway Pride, with tickets at €3, and I'm super excited about more marginalised comics having a dedicated space here in the city.

Anyway, out this week was Issue 103 of the Shousetsu Bang*Bang!

The SBB is an online webzine centred around original queer erotic fiction, and it's been running for nearly 18 years - I was so excited to be a part of this issue with my new novella, Fallen Dust, but I absolutely recommend going through the whole of the issue and reading every story. There's over 160,000 words of queer fiction in this issue, and mine is just 14k of that!

I've also set up a new publication called Trans Erotica, which is a Medium publication centred around trans and nonbinary creators.

If you're trans or nonbinary and you write erotica or erotic fiction, absolutely check it out - the characters in the work don't have to be trans or nonbinary themselves, so long as you are!

I've written up Submission Guidelines here, and if you're new to writing on Medium and would like a guide on how to go about setting up, I've written one of those too.

Media Recs

Donut (2023, dir. Rene Gannon-O'Gara) - My friend Rene's hour-long movie, Donut, is out now! It's a great short flick, super naturalistic, meditative, and exploring the weird intimacy/extra distance of customer service late at night when not many people are around. With nonbinary characters, too!

What Really Happens to a Human Body at Titanic Depths by JP Brown - This is fucked up. But interesting.

This TikTok from hahatoys2022 - I've watched this TikTok so many times this week, it destroys me every time.

I also watched the two new Poirot movies this week, the Kenneth Branagh ones - the second one is kinda shitty, but the first one is a fun enough watch, and I'm quite excited to see the new one with Michelle Yeoh.

I rewatched The Incredibles (2004, dir. Brad Bird) for the first time since I was a kid, and its politics are majorly fucked up. Tweeted about it here.

New Works Published

New Podcast: A Stranger's Visit: The Story, Episode 4

Fantasy short. A priest of Freyr receives a strange visitation.

3.6k, rated T. MB. Originally published May 29th, 2021. A little bit of Norse godliness versus Norse priestliness. Featuring Esben. Adapted from a TweetFic.

It should be anywhere you get your podcasts!

Libsyn / / RSS Feed / / On Spotify / / On Google / / On YouTube

Erotic Novella: Fallen Dust

14k, cis M/trans M. A young trans man fleeing an abusive home finds sanctuary at a strange temple buried in a mysterious valley.

Featuring some Eldritch tentacles and mild horror, oviposition, breeding, some DP, and just the end of the world! CW for some threats of sexual coercion and pregnancy + transphobia and threatened detransitioning.

From the Shousetsu Bang Bang / / On Medium / / On Patreon

Romance Short: Easing Into It

An exhausted psychiatrist is wooed by his new barber.

4k. M/M, rated M. A few mentions of past abuse. Adapted from a TweetFic. There is a cute dog!

On Medium / / On Patreon

Personal Essay: As a Trans Man, Why Do Doctors Always Want to Get Me Pregnant?

I'm so tired of fielding questions about my "lost" fertility

In An Injustice! on Medium / / On Patreon

Get merch on TeePublic | | Look through my Directory of Published Work | | Listen to my Podcast

#update #original fiction #shousetsu bang bang #fiction

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itspyon · 6 months

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i think we should go back to the og era of fandom a la star trek fans writing letters to each other. jk but like. this might be a word dump essay but i am so so happy that fandom in general has become a more mainstream thing where people get to express themselves and talk about the things they like with like-minded people and stuff. but... like u said there is a line. and for a while there was a lot of unspoken fandom etiquette that i think we really need to bring back in full force because, again like u said it's baby's first rpf fandom (and even in non rpf fandoms there were still these rules!!! some things u just don't bring up to the creator of a work!!! fuck spn fans) and a lot of these younger people in fandom grew up/had a lot of their formative years during covid and i think not just in fandom spaces that a lot of kids didn't get some of the social skills that comes with being normal to people online or otherwise. the lines between fandom and the piece of media itself are blurring fast, not just over here in mcyt world but i've also seen it in some of the sports rpf fandoms i'm in, like hockey (that whole booktok debacle that ended with a hockey player and his wife getting harassed on instagram) and f1 (social media admins of the teams and brands are using ship names from the fandom on twitter and tiktok and fans are feeding into it and shit) and its kinda terrifying honestly. tldr my favorite post on this damn website is the "if pete wentz is mad i'm writing about him getting blasted in the ass then he can go look at his bank account about it" because i agree that this is ultimately in the grand scheme of things not a huge issue. BUT i feel like there needs to be more clarity among fans about where the boundaries are not about an individual person, but about where fandom ends and the piece of media/person begins. i have more thoughts on the like. nsfw stuff/side of things but this is getting really long lol so if u wanna hear lemme know and i will essay andy more

#posting without notes i agree wholeheartedly #giving you a big kiss anon #you're always welcome to essay andy in my asks

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hivemindscape · 2 years

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Hello boys!!

I've been getting messages from the kindest people in my inbox, it was killing me to see you upset, so i decided to respond in this way.

I want to hug the crimeboys community. I want to hug you so tightly.

I am genuinely happy for those of you who enjoyed the finale. I envy you, because I did not.

There isn't a chance that I'll ever like it, either, as I've been turning it over and over in my brain relentlessly, reading people's takes when i can make myself to, grappling for a buoy, something to make it okay. In brief moments of the "no thought brain empty" state, I'm fine, but mostly there's intense frustration and confusion. And Big Sad.

In my opinion, this was an awful ending for these two characters. I hate that I'm forced to accept it, so I probably won't.

That being said, I'd rather you didn't message me asking why I'm of this stance, or moreover writing me an essay on why I'm wrong, I dont have the energy or patience to compose a pretty reply to that.

Keep in mind, most importantly, that everyone is entitled to their opinion on this lore, and is free to critize the writing, providing they don't go insulting ccs in their faces. If you see someone making fun of those who are processing their grief in public spaces, understand that the former people are emotionally immature and had poor upbringing. Yes, I said grief. What I've been feeling for the past 3 days was heartbreak and grief, with its physical manifestations. So I'm here to say it's alright if you breathe around a boulder too.

What you have to be doing as part of the fandom is have empathy and respect for people you do not know on the internet. Recognise you have no high ground to dictate what's the right reaction. Introspect a bit if you have an urge to tell someone to "chill": what impact that comment would have, and recognize that there's none. You'd just come across as an asshole.

I was intending to not go on a rant about that, but it's an apparent problem currently which I couldn't not address, as it turned out. You might be thinking "Bro they're speaking so seriously as if someone died". If so, the following should explain it well enough:

Ability and desire to give your heart to something fictional is a valuable, bright, very telling character trait. This is empathy of the highest order. This means one's heart is immense, and strong. Sorry for speaking cliche, but I do want you to read into what I'm saying.

Have you ever felt enveloped in a hug by someone's mere text message, when they said they understand, relate, and support you? This is incredible. You read fics and cry, you look at art and feel warmth in your chest, you talk with other fans and feel connected. This is a gift that we have, to be connected through this fictional story. And the media format that it uses does not matter here, only makes it surprising and unique.

So. You're valid to be satisfied with the ending. You're valid to be unhappy with it. It's valid to be deeply unhappy because of it. These characters meant the world to me. The trust I put in the content creators not to ruin them was immense. I'm currently figuring out where to go from here creatively.

I want to promise hovewer, that I'll do my best to recover from this shit, and bring comfort to you guys with my crimeboys art again. Its largely because of you and your love for my work that I've decided that. But also this fandom is the place where Ive felt the happiest with myself in my whole life. It's insane, I don't want to lose this.

If you have anything you want to send me, any fic or any art, you can dm me on twitter or instagram of the same name as this blog. I'm currently trying to keep distance from dsmp content (key word trying), but if it's something you're passionate about sharing, I'll go and appreciate it as soon as i can. It means a lot to me when you guys share your thoughts and your work with me Q^Q 💜💜💜

Your messages and your tags under the last piece that's blown up, have been a huge comfort to me. A Huge comfort. Thank you so so much for letting me know. I create art cause its the meaning of me, to be influencing people's emotions, leaving a mark, so I'm incredibly happy I could help you feel better in this time, and any other time. 🫂

Thank you guys. And I'm sorry.

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leaahhh · 2 years

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some late august fixations

julia jacklin’s PRE PLEASURE

three standouts (though the entire album is gutting and wonderful):

be careful with yourself “please stop smoking, want your life to last a long time if you don't stop smoking, i’ll have to start, shorten mine”

ignore tenderness far too soon for me to say anything of substance about this

this instagram post

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A post shared by haley (@ghosted_1996)

instagram

caroline polachek’s PANG

not new, but i consider this an all time great record. i went to lollapalooza in chicago for work at the end of july, where i was tasked with tending to a freshly broken heart while stomping around the 90-degree fairgrounds with puffy eyes and a (nearly comical) job to do. i was surrounded at every second by swarms of sticky teens and thumping bass. it was a five-day dizzy spell.

at the end of the first night of the fest i finished the last set i needed to cover and realized i’d be able to catch caroline polachek’s. she was playing at a stage that sat in something like a forest clearing. i ran over (i haven’t run in, like, years) in the dark, afraid to fall but hoping my own momentum would keep me on my feet, thick warm air hitting my face, while the title track played in the distance. it was the first time i smiled that week.

youtube

since then, the album’s re-entered my daily rotation, keeping me company while cooking meals or taking my infamous miles-long aimless walks. i’ve found that a whole new batch of songs are sitting with me now than the ones i claimed were my favorites in 2019 – namely “look at me now” and “go as a dream”:

mimi zhu’s BE NOT AFRAID OF LOVE

celeste and i waited in a line that wrapped around the block in LES for mimi’s zhu’s book launch/reading last tuesday evening. as the sky darkened and fat rain pellets began to fall, we inched our way to the door and happened to be the last two people let into the venue before the event hit capacity. (afterward, while walking to get tea, celeste said she had a feeling that was going to happen but didn’t want to say anything, i agreed and said it felt like a direct you need this message from something up above.)

the room was packed so i couldn’t actually even see the reading from where we stood on the stairs by the door, but that helped me listen more closely, ruminating on every word, closing my eyes at certain points to really let them ring. since then, C and i have been rapid-fire texting each other after we finish each chapter, a little informal book club of our own. it’s a a stunning, powerful and painful read that i would recommend to anyone.

i’ve been alternating between this book and…

joanna walsh’s BREAK.UP

i find myself trying to cover up the front cover of this book whenever i take it out in public, turning it upside down on cafe tables and bending it in half when i pull it out on the subway. i know no one is looking, but for some reason i feel embarrassed to be carrying around something that blatantly clues everyone who looks my direction in to what i might be “going through.” that’s besides the point, though.

“break.up” is one of the more gripping pieces of writing i’ve picked up in a while. it’s described as a “novel in essays that locates a ‘romance’ within the mesh of electronic communication.” it’s a great companion to have as i – a very Online person…whether by choice or by trade, who’s to say – grapple with thoughts about visibility, contact, boundaries. how can one truly experience separation in the digital age? is there a universe in which even the most basic modes of documentation aren’t, in some way, white-knuckled, likely futile attempts at communication and connection?

are you reading this right now?

early in the book, walsh writes, “i have moved. i am at liberty. see me (don’t see me). but i exist. still.”

it reminds me of that line in that florence song, south london forever: “everything i ever did was just another way to scream your name.”

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corbenic · 2 months

Text

Work with the Garage Door Open, or: Why American Riviera Orchard Is Falling Flat

Oops, I wrote a whole essay about how Meghan, Duchess of Sussex has proven some creative advice true by not doing it.

If the past year has hammered home anything about the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, it’s that they are boring. Or their public perception is, at least—and for public figures, perception is everything. It’s their image. Their brand. The promise of what you get from them.

What has the former Meghan Markle done over the past year? Won an award (which was promptly overshadowed by the car chase debacle), attended some concerts and movie premieres and the Invictus Games, and soft-launched her American Riviera Orchard brand. I’m going to focus on the last one.

What is ARO? So far, it’s an Instagram page with a logo and a website with an email signup. Everything else we know—like potential products—is from trademark registration paperwork. We have no idea what will actually be sold, though, because there’s nothing available to buy. And we don’t know why we should buy from ARO, because we don’t know much about it other than its connection to Meghan. It’s… beige. And connected to a Santa Barbara tourism slogan. And shares its name with a bank.

Meghan is working with the metaphorical garage door closed. She’s promising an experience, but not telling us why the eventual reveal will be worthwhile.

I happen to be a big fan of the writer Austin Kleon, who has an entire book about working in public. He also has a delightful blog filled with creative advice. In a 2022 blog post, he quoted Robin Sloan, who said, “This isn’t a time for “products”, or product launches. It’s not a time to toil in secret for a year and then reveal what you’d made with a shiny landing page. Rather, I believe it’s a time to explain as you go.”

Robin later clarifies that he’s looking for something engaging, that poses interesting possibilities and questions. He calls it “something to cite.”

This is the fundamental problem with ARO (and, frankly, with most of the Sussexes’ projects): there’s no substance there. It’s all glossy packaging. What is supposed to hook in my brain and help me remember it? Why should I buy whatever ARO is selling? What about the idea of the American Riviera, and an orchard there, is so compelling to Meghan that she’s building a brand under that name?

And how does this tie in with (or contradict) the brand she built as a working royal: a glamorous, professional do-gooder with a passion for women’s rights?

Meghan absolutely has the ability to transform her platform—either as the princess she presented herself as before quitting royal duties, and the aggrieved ex-royal she is now—into a compelling brand.

But to do that, she needs to tell us why it matters. She needs something to sell us. And she needs to show us why it matters to her, so it can matter to us.

You know who does this well? Sarah Flint. Megan Donahue of Wit and Whimsy. V.E. Schwab. Sam Reich of Dropout. The aforementioned Austin Kleon. They share curated pieces of their lives and their products all the time. They hint at their next projects. They work with the garage door open. They show their work.

Meghan does not. And if she wants a successful rebrand and product launch, she needs to start.

#oops I wrote an essay #sussexes

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marauders-venting · 2 years

Text

Prongslet & His Family

pairing: wolfstar (remus x sirius)

genre: fluff

warnings: brief mentions of death and grief

words: 4707

a/n: this was a request from @ barsha3447 on instagram and @moonyandandy on tumblr!!

Sirius was crossing the parking lot to Harry’s kindergarten. He could feel the eyes of some of the parents staring at him, judging him, but that just made him smirk and hold his head higher. He leaned against the wall and checked his watch. Harry should be out any minute now.

As soon as the door to the classroom opened, the kids came spilling out. Harry ran at Sirius and jumped into his arms. Sirius picked him up and kissed the top of his head.

“Uncle Padfoot!” Harry said. “Look what I drew.” He held out a piece of paper far too close to Sirius’ face. Sirius leaned his head back a little and looked at the drawing. It was a stick figure holding a proportionally over-large chocolate bar. And next to the stick figure was something that Sirius assumed was supposed to be him in his animagus form. In between the two was another stick figure, a much smaller one, with a lightning bolt scar on his forehead.

“Miss Amy told us to draw our family,” Harry said. Sirius felt his heart twinge. On one hand, it made him so happy that Harry had drawn them as a family. But on the other, Sirius couldn’t help but feel that it should be Lily and James in that drawing.

“It’s really good,” Sirius told him. “You’re a great artist, Prongslet.” Sirius had only gone back to using the nickname recently. The reminder had been too heavy for the first few years after Lily and James’ death. But now Harry was almost 6 years old and Sirius wanted him to remember his parents. He wanted Harry to know how similar he is to James. And Sirius thought James would appreciate it. He owed James that, at least. “Come on, Harry, let’s go to the car.”

“Bye-bye, Neville,” Harry said, waving to Neville who was standing beside his grandmother showing her his own drawing. Remus and Sirius had, after much persuasion, convinced Augusta to send Neville to the same kindergarten as Harry. That way they’d both have a familiar face with them at their new school. Now Neville and Harry had playdates almost every day.

“Bye-bye, Harry,” Neville said, smiling and waving back.

Sirius took Harry back to the car and strapped him into the booster seat in the back.

“We have to go to the supermarket, Harry,” Sirius said, “because Uncle Moony said we should go yesterday and we didn’t. But I’ll let you pick out something yummy if you behave the whole time, okay?”

“Okay,” Harry said excitedly.

When they got to the supermarket, Sirius loaded a cart with everything they needed and then waited with surprising patience as Harry debated whether he wanted gummy worms or Smarties.

“Uncle Padfoot,” Harry said, turning away from the candy and looking up at his godfather, “can we visit Uncle Moony’s work today?”

“Uncle Moony has a lot to do today, Harry,” Sirius said. Remus had told him that morning that he’d be home late; he had loads of essays to mark before his students had to sit their exams. Sirius didn’t want to disturb him if he was under pressure.

“We can bring him something yummy to cheer him up!” Harry said, holding up a large bar of chocolate. Sirius smiled at him.

“Okay, we’ll surprise him then,” Sirius said. Remus’ last class of the day ended soon anyway; Sirius had memorized his schedule by now. “But we can’t stay there too long, Harry. Hey, if we’re going into Hogsmeade, why don’t we buy candy at Honeydukes instead? Remember the store with the chocolate frogs?”

“Yeah, I want the froggies!” Harry said.

Once they’d paid for their groceries and arrived at home, Sirius put everything away and held Harry’s hand.

“Do you remember how we did this last time?” Sirius asked him.

“Yes,” Harry said. “I need to hold Uncle Padfoot’s hand very, very tight and close my eyes so I don’t get dizzy.”

“Right,” Sirius said. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah,” Harry said. He squeezed Sirius’ hands as tightly as he could and Sirius Disapparated.

Sirius breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Harry standing in one piece. Apparating with Harry always made him nervous, despite being assured that it was safe many times, and he tried to avoid it as much as possible.

“Are you okay, Harry?” Sirius asked.

“Yup!” Harry said. He looked around excitedly, staring in wonder at the enormous castle looming in the distance. Then he turned back to Sirius. “Candy shop!” Then he ran off in the direction of Honeydukes. Sirius laughed and hurried after him. He followed Harry into the shop where the little boy was staring at the candy on the walls.

“You want a chocolate frog?” Sirius asked.

“Can I have a wand?” Harry asked.

“Of course,” Sirius said. “Chocolate or liquorice?”

“Chocolate!” Harry said.

“You take after Moony,” Sirius grinned. He bought one wand for Harry, one for Remus and a packet of Acid Pops. If they were already here he might as well.

“Ready to see Uncle Moony?” Sirius asked once everything was paid for.

“Yeah!” Harry said. Sirius put a finger on his lips indicating that Harry should be quiet and led him to the back of the store, unnoticed by the cashier who had turned to help another customer. Sirius opened the cellar that led to the tunnel connecting Hogsmeade and Hogwarts. He dropped inside and carried Harry into the tunnel as well.

“Uncle Pads, where are we going?” Harry whispered as Sirius sealed it once more.

“To see Uncle Moony,” Sirius said, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “Too bad we don’t have the map anymore. Oh well, it’s no big deal. Come on, Harry.”

“This isn’t the way to Uncle Moony’s work,” Harry said.

“This, Harry, is a secret path to Hogwarts,” Sirius said.

“Really?” Harry said, his eyes wide.

“Yep.”

“If it’s a secret, how do you know it?” Harry asked.

“You’re old enough now to hear the story, I think,” Sirius said. Harry immediately stood up straighter to make himself look taller and older. “When I was at school, me, your dad and your Uncle Moony used to wander around the castle and we discovered this secret tunnel and lots of other secret tunnels.”

“You did?” Harry asked.

“Yeah,” Sirius said.

“Even my dad?”

“Yeah, even your dad,” Sirius said. “It was your dad’s idea to make a map.”

“It was?”

“Uncle Moony helped him with the magic because he’s very smart but your dad and me were the ones who found most of the places together.”

“That’s so cool!” Harry said. “Uncle Pads, was my dad cool?” Sirius almost laughed. James was one of the biggest dorks he’d ever known. But maybe Harry didn’t need to know that quite yet.

“He sure thought he was,” Sirius said. He thought Harry might ask what that meant but he seemed satisfied.

“Were you and my dad best friends?” Harry asked. Sirius felt a lump in his throat. It had been nearly six years since Lily and James had died but this still happened sometimes. Normally, Sirius could talk about them. It wasn’t as bad as it was in the beginning. But sometimes, Sirius still felt like he did then. Helpless without his best friends. Unable to accept that he would never see them again. That Harry would never see them. Sometimes Sirius felt like he would break down at any mention of them. But he couldn’t do that here. So he cleared his throat and answered Harry’s question.

“Yeah,” Sirius said. “He was my best friend. He was like my brother, your dad.” Sirius didn’t think he could keep talking about James but Harry just smiled and started running down the tunnel. Sirius took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. It’s okay. It’s okay. Remus’ soothing voice echoed through his head. Sirius opened his eyes and looked at the tunnel walls around him. He chose, instead, to remember all of the happy times he’d had in here. With James, with Lily, with Remus. Sirius kept walking down the tunnel; Harry would be waiting for him. He ran his fingers across the wall as he walked until he found what he was looking for: the letter ‘M’ clumsily carved into the stone wall. Sirius traced the letter with his thumb. The Marauders. He smiled. It’ll be okay.

When Harry and Sirius reached the end of the tunnel and emerged from the hump of the one-eyed witch statue, they headed straight for the staff room. However, on their way there, they were stopped by a familiar voice.

“Mr Black,” said Professor McGonagall from behind him.

“Professor!” Sirius said, turning around with a grin on his face.

“I’m not your teacher anymore, Sirius,” she said.

“Old habit,” Sirius shrugged.

“As I seem to recall,” she started, “during your time here as a student you hardly ever referred to me as your professor, rather you favoured certain nicknames.”

“Well you can’t deny that ‘Minnie’ suits you,” Sirius said. She gave an exasperated sigh but Sirius saw her smile behind the strict lines of her face. “Besides,” he added, “I’m not Mr Black anymore, either.” He flashed his wedding ring in her direction.

“Quite right,” she said, with a small smile. “What are you doing here, Sirius?”

“Aren’t you glad to see me, Minnie?” Sirius grinned but she held the stern gaze. “You’re going to give me detention, aren’t you?”

“As much as I would like to, I’m afraid that’s not within my power anymore,” McGonagall said.

“Such a shame,” Sirius said. “Harry wanted to see his Uncle Remus, didn’t you, Harry?” Sirius added, answering her question at last.

“Well hello there, Harry,” she said. Everything about McGonagall — from her expression to her stance to her voice — softened as she addressed the small boy who was holding his godfather’s hand and hiding shyly behind his leg. “You’ve gotten so big since the last time I saw you. Did you come to see your Uncle Remus?”

“We brought him some chocolate,” Harry said, coming out from behind Sirius and showing her the chocolate wand.

“You did? How thoughtful of you,” she said. “He should be in the staff room by now; he’s finished all his classes, I think. Come with me.” Sirius and Harry followed McGonagall to the staff room. Remus wasn’t there but, much to Sirius’ dismay, Severus Snape was. Sirius resolved to ignore him but the way he was glaring at Harry was infuriating. What could a five-year-old he had never met have possibly done to him?

“Remus must still be in his classroom,” McGonagall said. “I assume you know where it is?”

“Yeah,” Sirius said.

“Would you like a biscuit, Harry?” she said.

“Yes please,” Harry said politely. McGonagall waved her wand and a jar of cookies appeared in her hand. It was the one she normally kept in her office. She handed a biscuit to Harry who took it in both his hands and took a bite.

“Thank you,” he said.

“Come on, Harry,” Sirius said. “Let’s go find Uncle Moony.”

“Yay!” Harry said, taking Sirius’ hand and following him out of the room but not before Sirius could throw a death glare at Snape the Insufferable.

When Sirius knocked on the door of Remus’ classroom and heard his husband’s voice say ‘come in’, he did not expect to walk into a classroom full of students. The surprised look on Remus’ face said that he had not expected his guests either. Harry, however, was unbothered by the students and ran to the front of the room to Remus yelling, “Uncle Moony!”

He jumped into Remus’ arms, who caught him, lifted him and kissed his head, the expression of surprise turning into a smile.

“Hi, Harry,” Remus said. “What are you doing here?”

“We came to say hello and also to bring you chocolate but not to stay for long because Uncle Pads said you’re very busy today.”

“Thank you, Harry, that’s very sweet of you,” Remus said, taking the chocolate wand. With Harry in his arms, he walked over to the doorway where Sirius stood.

“This is a pleasant surprise,” he said in a quiet voice.

“It was all Harry’s idea,” Sirius said. “But I thought your classes were over for today, I’m sorry.”

“No, no it’s alright,” Remus said. “Technically my classes for the day are over. This is an optional study session for my seventh-years because they have their NEWTs soon.”

“Oh,” Sirius said. “So I memorized your schedule right?”

“Yes you did,” Remus laughed.

“Well, we’ll leave you to it now,” Sirius said. But before he left, Sirius pressed a kiss to Remus’ lips that lasted quite a bit longer than Remus would’ve liked his students to see. It was only when Harry, who had put both of his little hands over his eyes, loudly said, “Ewwww!” that they finally broke apart. There was a ripple of laughter from the class in between the whispers.

“Well that was professional,” Remus whispered, sarcastically to Sirius.

“I’m just making sure everybody knows you have the hottest husband in the world,” Sirius whispered back.

“I think you got the message across pretty well,” Remus said with a small grin.

“Come one, Harry,” Sirius said, no longer bothering to whisper.

“Bye, Uncle Moony,” Harry said.

“Bye, Harry. See you at home, Pads.”

“See ya, Rem. Good luck with your NEWTs, kids. Try not to fail. But if you do, just do what I did.”

“Which is?” called one girl.

“Marry the smartest person in the year,” Sirius said, winking at Remus.

---------

As soon as Sirius left the room, chatter broke out.

“Professor, who was that?”

“His husband, idiot.”

“I didn’t know you were married, sir.”

“Was the little boy your son?”

“Didn’t you hear him say ‘Uncle’?”

“Alright, alright,” Remus called loudly. “Let’s get back to studying.”

---------

“Harry, it’s bedtime,” Sirius called from the kitchen.

“Five more minutes?” Harry asked, hovering a little above the floor on his broomstick.

“You said that five minutes ago,” Sirius said. “Time’s up now.”

“But I want to wait for Uncle Moony,” Harry said.

“Uncle Moony is going to be home very late tonight, Harry, he has lots of work to do,” Sirius said.

“But how will he say good night?”

“He’ll say good night after you’re already asleep,” Sirius said.

“Promise you’ll tell him?”

“I promise.”

“You smomemly swear?” Harry asked. Sirius laughed.

“I solemnly swear,” Sirius said. “Where did you learn that word?”

“You and Uncle Moony say it all the time.”

“Do we?” Sirius laughed. “ Come on, Harry, it’s time for bed.”

“Okayyyy,” Harry said, hopping off the broom and putting it away.

“You can fly more tomorrow,” Sirius said, ruffling his hair. “Are your teeth brushed?”

“Yup,” Harry said. “You know Neville lost a tooth today?”

“Did he?” Sirius said. “That’s exciting.”

“Yeah!” Harry said. “Do you think I’ll lose my teeth soon, Uncle Pads?”

“It’s only a matter of time, Prongslet,” Sirius said, tucking him in.

“And then the tooth fairy will come!” Harry said happily.

“The– The what?” Sirius asked.

“The tooth fairy,” Harry said. “That’s whatever everybody in my class said.” So it’s a muggle thing, Sirius thought. He made a mental note to ask Remus what the fuck a tooth fairy is.

“Good night, Prongslet,” Sirius said, kissing Harry’s forehead. Harry hugged him in return.

“Good night, Uncle Padfoot.”

---------

When Remus finally finished marking the essays, he packed up his things and left his classroom. He can’t explain why he was so determined to get it done tonight but he was. He knew it would mean coming home late; he felt bad about it but Sirius had assured him that it was alright.

Remus left the castle and went out to the grounds when he heard the voices of a group of students near the outskirts of the forest. When they saw him walking towards them, they fell silent and exchanged nervous looks.

“Good evening,” Remus said to the third-years.

“Good evening, professor,” mumbled one of the boys whom Remus recognized to be Charlie Weasley.

“What are you doing out this late?” Remus asked them. A girl, Amelia Johnson, muttered a reply that Remus was sure he wouldn’t have been able to hear if it were for his heightened sense of hearing around the full moon.

“Looking for animals?” Remus said in surprise.

“Yeah,” Charlie said.

“You come here for Care of Magical Creatures, don’t you?” Remus asked.

“We wanted to see more,” said the third boy, Jack Brown. Remus looked at them for a moment and considered his options.

“Alright, look. I’m very tired and I have people waiting for me at home. I won’t deduct points from your houses but Professor McGonagall is on patrol tonight and I guarantee that she won’t be nearly as forgiving so I suggest that you all go back to your common rooms. As for these animals that you’re fascinated with, why don’t you three come to my classroom on Monday and we’ll see what we can do about getting you three into a higher-level class to satisfy your curiosity?”

“We already asked Professor Kettleburn,” Charlie said disappointedly.

“Well if you want to go into the forest and do some research yourself, I could take you,” Remus said.

“You know about magical creatures?” said Jack, looking up at him. Remus smiled.

“I know a thing or two,” he said. “And I’d say that I have good enough knowledge of the forest to help you navigate your way through it safely.”

“Okay,” Amelia said, excitedly.

“I do have a condition,” Remus said. “No more night-time excursions.”

“Alright,” Charlie said.

“I mean it,” Remus said. “Don’t expect me to let this slide again if I catch you a second time.”

“Of course, sir,” Jack said.

“So I’ll see you three on Monday?” Remus said.

“Yeah,” Charlie said, grinning widely. “Thanks, professor.”

“You’re welcome,” Remus said, smiling warmly at them. “Now back to your common rooms and no detours.” They hurried off in the direction of the castle and Remus, shaking his head and smiling, turned back to the castle’s exit.

Remus Apparated outside their doorstep so that the noise didn’t wake Harry and when he opened the door, he was even more glad that he did because Harry wasn’t the only one sleeping. Sirius had fallen asleep on the kitchen counter, his head on his arms, a half-empty glass of wine just out of reach of his right hand, music playing softly from the CD player. Remus waved his wand at it and it fell silent.

“Sirius,” he said gently, stroking his husband’s hair. Sirius opened his eyes slowly and lifted his head off of his hands.

“Hey Moony,” he said in a sleepy voice.

“Hi Pads,” Remus said. “Come to bed.”

“I still have to shower,” Sirius groaned. “Oh and Harry wanted you to give him a kiss goodnight. He made me ‘smomemly swear’.” Remus laughed

“Did he really say that?”

“Yep,” Sirius said. “He was asking for you all day.”

“Alright, I’ll go,” Remus said, turning to go to Harry’s room as Sirius stood up. “You should go shower though.” Sirius caught his hand before he could leave.

“Join me later?” he asked. Remus raised his eyebrows at him.

“Gladly, if you’re not too tired.”

“Too tired for you? Never,” Sirius smirked. Remus rolled his eyes and smiled.

“Go on then,” he said. “I’ll be there soon.”

---------

Sirius turned off the lights in the bedroom as Remus turned on the small lamp on his bedside table.

“So how was your day?” he asked, crawling under the covers.

“It was good,” Sirius said, joining him and pressing a kiss to his lips. “I slept till noon, picked Harry up— did you see that I went shopping for food and not clothes this time?”

“Oh bravo,” Remus said sarcastically, “should I give you a gold star?”

“Silly Moony,” Sirius said, “I am a star.” Remus shook his head and laughed.

“I should’ve seen that one coming,” he said.

“Yeah, you walked right into it,” Sirius grinned. “How was your day?”

“Oh you know,” Remus said, “marking essays, teaching students. My hot husband showed up and now the whole school is gossiping.”

“That was okay, right?” Sirius asked. “It’s not going to cause problems?”

“Nah, I doubt it,” Remus said. “People just think you’re very pretty and want to know what the hell you’re doing with me.”

“Does that make me a trophy wife?” Sirius joked. “‘Cause I’d make a good trophy wife.” Remus laughed.

“So did you give any detentions today?” Sirius teased.

“I did actually catch some third-years out of bed just before I got here,” Remus said.

“I hope you reported them, professor,” Sirius said, smirking.

“Nope,” Remus said. “I actually let it slide.”

“Remus!” Sirius said in mock surprise and disapproval. “You didn’t put these good-for–nothing rule-breakers in their place? I am shocked.”

“How could I report them? We used to do that all the time!” Remus said. “I never reported you, even when I was a prefect.”

“Yeah, but being a prefect and breaking rules is like if you were on the enemy side but the other side trusted you because they thought it was a good idea even though you’re still clearly on the enemy side. That’s the stupidity of the opposite side. But being a professor and breaking rules is like being a proper spy. You’re conspiring against your fellow professors by not reporting this, Rem. It’s espionage.”

“You are so full of bullshit, did you know that?”

“That’s why you love me,” Sirius grinned.

“No, no,” Remus said. “I love you in spite of that.” Sirius laughed. “And besides, those kids didn’t want to do anything bad. They’re just curious about the magical creatures in the forest.”

“That’s what they told you,” Sirius said.

“I believe them,” Remus said. Sirius raised his eyebrows skeptically. “If you met Charlie Weasley, you would too.”

“They sound like nerds,” Sirius said.

“Hey,” Remus said. “They’re kids, you can’t insult them.”

“I can’t believe you think that after hanging around with you for 15 years, dating you for 10 and being married to you for 6 I would use ‘nerd’ as an insult,” Sirius said. Remus laughed.

“Are you trying to tell me I’m a nerd?”

“Moony, you’re a teacher.” Remus laughed.

“Fair point.”

“What did you tell the kids though?” Sirius asked.

“I told them to go back to their common rooms and that I’d take them into the forest myself if they’re interested.”

“I bet they loved that,” Sirius said with a smile.

“You should’ve seen them,” Remus said. “They were ecstatic.”

“I knew you’d be a great teacher,” Sirius said. “I told you so.”

“You already said ‘I told you so’ when I got the job,” Remus said, “and after my first class. And many more times after that.”

“Yep,” Sirius said, “and don’t expect me to stop anytime soon.”

“Maybe you should come back to Hogwarts,” Remus said.

“What and teach? I don’t think so,” Sirius snorted.

“No, not as a teacher,” Remus said, “as a student. I have first-years who are more mature than you are.” Sirius laughed and pulled his husband in towards him. Remus winced and Sirius immediately backed away.

“I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” he asked, a look of avid concern in his eyes.

“No, it’s not your fault,” Remus said, closing his eyes. “Full moon’s on Friday.” Sirius nodded.

“Yeah, I know,” he said.

“Right,” Remus said, smiling at him. “You and your tattoo.” Sirius pulled up his shirt to reveal the moon-shaped tattoo on the left side of his ribs. It was a magical tattoo that changed to show the phases of the moon and right now it was nearly full. When he’d shown it to Remus for the first time in their 6th year, Remus had melted.

“You alright, love?” Sirius asked.

“I’m just sore, that’s all.”

“Moony, why don’t we give that potion a try?” Sirius said. Remus sighed.

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea, Pads,” Remus said. A few weeks ago, there had been an article in the Daily Prophet about the Wolfsbane Potion. It was the new invention of a potioneer that allowed a werewolf to keep their mind when they transform. The potion wouldn’t cure lycanthropy — Remus would still transform into a wolf every full moon — but it could certainly make things easier.

“Why not?” Sirius asked gently. “It’ll help you, won’t it? What could be bad about that?”

“What if it doesn’t work?” Remus asked nervously.

“If it doesn’t work, then we’ll get through the full moon like we do every time. I’ll be in my animagus form, Remus, nothing bad will happen. And we know that the potion is safe to drink because the health department in the Ministry of Magic approved it; they couldn’t have done that without making sure it’s safe. Worst case scenario it does nothing and things will continue as normal.”

“Pads,” Remus started slowly, “it’s really expensive.” Sirius hesitated for a moment.

“We could draw some of the money that my uncle left me,” he said.

“No, I won’t have you wasting your money on me like that,” Remus said, shaking his head.

“Rem, it’s not wasting, this—” Sirius sighed. “Look, why don’t we give it a try? Just once. And if it isn’t that great and you still feel like it’s a waste of money then we don’t have to do it again but there’s no harm in trying.” Remus still looked hesitant. “It’s not even my money, really,” Sirius added.

“Your uncle left it to you,” Remus said. “Of course, it’s yours.”

“I wouldn’t have spent it,” Sirius said. “I don’t want any money from anybody in that family. But nothing would piss them off more than me using Black family money to buy the Wolfsbane Potion for my half-blood, werewolf husband.” Sirius grinned and Remus shook his head and smiled at him.

“Oh alright,” Remus said. “But we’re only trying. And you have to be in your animagus form the entire time.” Sirius nodded.

“Yeah, of course,” he said, squeezing Remus’ hand and smiling. Remus smiled back before his mouth opened in a yawn. “Go to sleep, love, you’re exhausted.” Remus nodded, not bothering to open his eyes.

“Okay,” he said. “Good night, Padfoot.”

“‘Night, Moony,” Sirius said, turning out the bedside lamp before pressing his lips to Remus’ forehead. “Sweet dreams.”

Sirius closed his eyes as well, drifting off to the sound of Remus; breaths evening out as he sank deeper into sleep. And as he thought over the remains of that day, Sirius found himself feeling happy.

He missed Lily and James, it was true; he didn’t think he would ever stop missing them. But that didn’t have to mean that he couldn’t be happy. Here, today, with Remus and Harry, Sirius would let himself be happy. And he hoped that from somewhere, Lily and James could see them. He hoped they were happy too.

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madmensideblog · 3 years

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MAD MEN BOOK RECS

Happy pride/Don Draper’s fake birthday ❤️ Below the cut, I’ve listed info on my favorite Mad Men related books and a couple I haven’t read yet but I’m really looking forward to. Let me know if you check any of these out, or if you have any other recommendations! ❤️

Mad Men Carousel: The Complete Critical Companion by Matt Zoller Seitz

“Mad Men Carousel is an episode-by-episode guide to all seven seasons of AMC's Mad Men. This book collects TV and movie critic Matt Zoller Seitz’s celebrated Mad Men recaps—as featured on New York magazine's Vulture blog—for the first time, including never-before-published essays on the show’s first three seasons. Seitz’s writing digs deep into the show’s themes, performances, and filmmaking, examining complex and sometimes confounding aspects of the series. The complete series—all seven seasons and ninety-two episodes—is covered.

Each episode review also includes brief explanations of locations, events, consumer products, and scientific advancements that are important to the characters, such as P.J. Clarke’s restaurant and the old Penn Station; the inventions of the birth control pill, the Xerox machine, and the Apollo Lunar Module; the release of the Beatles’ Revolver and the Beach Boys’ Pet Sounds; and all the wars, protests, assassinations, and murders that cast a bloody pall over a chaotic decade.

Mad Men Carousel is named after an iconic moment from the show’s first-season finale, “The Wheel,” wherein Don delivers an unforgettable pitch for a new slide projector that’s centered on the idea of nostalgia: “the pain from an old wound.” This book will soothe the most ardent Mad Men fan’s nostalgia for the show. New viewers, who will want to binge-watch their way through one of the most popular TV shows in recent memory, will discover a spoiler-friendly companion to one of the most multilayered and mercurial TV shows of all time.”

A classic episode-by-episode look at the series from reviewer Matt Zoller Seitz.

The Legacy of Mad Men — Cultural History, Intermediality and American Television (Edited by Karen McNally, Jane Marcellus, Teresa Forde, and Kirsty Fairclough)

“For seven seasons, viewers worldwide watched as ad man Don Draper moved from adultery to self-discovery, secretary Peggy Olson became a take-no-prisoners businesswoman, object-of-the-gaze Joan Holloway developed a feminist consciousness, executive Roger Sterling tripped on LSD, and smarmy Pete Campbell became a surprisingly nice guy. Mad Men defined a pivotal moment for television, earning an enduring place in the medium’s history.

This edited collection examines the enduringly popular television series as Mad Men still captivates audiences and scholars in its nuanced depiction of a complex decade. This is the first book to offer an analysis of Mad Men in its entirety, exploring the cyclical and episodic structure of the long form series and investigating issues of representation, power and social change. The collection establishes the show’s legacy in televisual terms, and brings it up to date through an examination of its cultural importance in the Trump era. Aimed at scholars and interested general readers, the book illustrates the ways in which Mad Men has become a cultural marker for reflecting upon contemporary television and politics.”

This is a really beautiful collection. It was published in 2019. It’s rather expensive. (I found a used copy for much cheaper.) If you can afford it, I really, really recommend buying it. There is a pdf floating around if you know where to look though. But like I said, it’s really amazing work and the women who curated it deserve high praise and compensation.

A few favorite essays of mine include “Don Draper and the Enduring Appeal of Antonioni’s La Notte” by Emily Hoffman, “Mad Men’s Mid-Century Modern Times” by Zak Roman, “Mad Men and the Staging of Literature via Ken Cosgrove and His Problems” by Aaron Shapiro, and “What Jungian Psychology Can Tell Us About Don Draper’s Unexpected Embrace of Leonard in Mad Men’s Finale” by Marisa Carroll.

Mad Men and Philosophy: Nothing Is as It Seems (Edited by William Irwin, James B. South, and Rod Carveth)

“With its swirling cigarette smoke, martini lunches, skinny ties, and tight pencil skirts, Mad Men is unquestionably one of the most stylish, sexy, and irresistible shows on television. But the series becomes even more absorbing once you dig deeper into its portrayal of the changing social and political mores of 1960s America and explore the philosophical complexities of its key characters and themes. From Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle to John Kenneth Galbraith, Milton Friedman, and Ayn Rand, Mad Men and Philosophy brings the thinking of some of history's most powerful minds to bear on the world of Don Draper and the Sterling Cooper ad agency. You'll gain insights into a host of compelling Mad Men questions and issues, including happiness, freedom, authenticity, feminism, Don Draper's identity, and more.”

This collection was published just a month before the start of season 4, so it only concerns the first three seasons of the show. As such, it includes some assumptions that are proven false and a few strange misreadings that I’m sure would’ve been cleared up had they had the rest of the show at their disposal. But there are some great philosophical insights and analysis.

I haven’t yet read the whole collection, but my favorite essay of what I’ve read so far was “Pete, Peggy, Don, and the Dialectic of Remembering and Forgetting” by John Fritz.

The Fashion File: Advice, Tips, and Inspiration from the Costume Designer of Mad Men (by costume designer Janie Bryant)

From Joanie's Marilyn Monroe-esque pencil skirts to Betty's classic Grace Kelly cupcake dresses, the clothes worn by the characters of the phenomenal Mad Men have captivated fans everywhere. Now, women are trading in their khakis for couture and their pumas for pumps. Finally, it's hip to dress well again. Emmy-Award winning costume designer Janie Bryant offers readers a peek into the dressing room of Mad Men, revealing the design process behind the various characters' looks and showing every woman how to find her own leading lady style--whether it's vintage, modern, or bohemian. Bryant's book will peek into the dressing room of Mad Men and reveal the design process behind the various characters' looks. But it will also help women learn how fashion can help convey their personality. She will help them cultivate their style, including all the details that make a big difference. Bryant offers advice to ensure that a woman's clothes convey her personality. She covers everything from where to find incredible vintage clothing and accessories to how to pair those authentic pieces with modern shoes and jeans. Readers will learn how to find their perfect bra size, use color to convey a mood, and invest in the ten essentials every woman should own. And just so the ladies don't leave their men behind, there's even a section on making them look a little more Don Draper-dashing.

I recently ordered a used copy of this book and haven’t yet received it, but I’m very much looking forward to it. Like Mad Men and Philosophy listed above, it was published between season 3 and 4, so unfortunately does not cover the whole show. It sounds like it might just cover the women’s costume design, though I’m not sure. Janie Bryant is such a meticulous, genius costume designer that I can’t wait to read it. Relatedly, you should follow her incredible costume design instagram where she posts lots of her work from Mad Men and other shows with fascinating insight into her process.

The Universe is Indifferent: Theology, Philosophy, and Mad Men (Edited by Ann W. Duncan and Jacob L. Goodson)

Centered on the lives of the employees at a Manhattan advertising firm, the television series Mad Men touches on the advertising world's unique interests in consumerist culture, materialistic desire, and the role of deception in Western capitalism. While this essay collection has a decidedly socio-historical focus, the authors use this as the starting point for philosophical, religious, and theological reflection, showing how Mad Men reveals deep truths concerning the social trends of the 1960s and deserves a significant amount of scholarly consideration. Going beyond mere reflection, the authors make deeper inquiries into what these trends say about American cultural habits, the business world within Western capitalism, and the rapid social changes that occurred during this period. From the staid and conventional early seasons to the war, assassinations, riots, and counterculture of later seasons, The Universe is Indifferent shows how social change underpins the interpersonal dramas of the characters in Mad Men.

I only just found out about this collection, but I’m very interested in finding a copy. This was published in 2016. You can see the table of contents here. EDIT: This book is available to read on Scribd. They offer a 30 day free trial.

#mad men #books

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neocatharsis · 3 years

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NCT’s Mark Lee on Dreams, Instagram Poetry, and Growing Up

Mark has a lot going on — but he’s making time for poetry, introspection, and, of course, the members of NCT Dream. - Vivien Wu

“I’ve been thinking about dreams a lot these days!” Mark Lee exclaims over Zoom from SM Entertainment’s Seoul headquarters.

The 21-year-old leader of NCT Dream is enthusiastic as he mulls over the meaning of dreams, his back against a wall of pink and yellow flowers assembled by his fellow NCT members. He’s wearing a simple, white tee, and when he gestures with his hands, you can catch glimpses of the friendship ring that all seven members of NCT Dream wear as a symbol of their bond.

“I actually feel like dreams hold a large portion of a life, and I’m not just talking about the subconscious dreams that we all have when we sleep,” he continues. “If you put it in a way where dreams are actually things that motivate us, and the drive that keeps us going, especially as a strongly driven person myself, I feel like… a guy with no dreams is like…” He looks up, thinking. “…A car with no engine. So, I think it’s as important as yourself. That’s how deep I go with dreams.”

His interest in dreams is fitting, considering that they are also the central, underlying concept to the lore behind NCT Dream’s parent group, NCT. They connect their three subunits, NCT 127, NCT Dream, and WayV, in a complex, Inception-inspired fictional universe where dreams are the only way they can find each other, and where upon uniting they can mix to form new subunits collectively referred to as NCT U. In practical terms, this has resulted in a 23-member mega-group that is multifaceted in every way — from their musical styles and visual aesthetics to their cultural backgrounds and spoken languages.

NCT Dream’s original teenage concept meant that members were supposed to “graduate” when they came of age, and as the oldest, Mark was the first to leave the group at the end of 2018. Having grown attached, however, fans were devastated at his departure; after a year of separation, SM announced that the graduation system would be scrapped and that he would rejoin the group. Their new album, Hot Sauce, is the first with Mark in over two years. As fellow member Haechan declared in an interview with Teen Vogue earlier this week, “Mark [is] very special. NCT Dream means Mark.”

But before the rapper led NCT Dream, and before he joined NCT U and NCT 127 and SuperM — the man is in high demand — Mark’s childhood dream was writing. He grew up in Toronto, and through doing school projects and essays quickly discovered that he had a natural way with words. Inspired by Percy Jackson author Rick Riordan, Harry Potter, and James Patterson, Mark dreamt of becoming an author, long before he was recruited by SM at a global audition in Canada in 2012. “When I was in school, I was always the kind of guy who would write more than expected, and that became a thing that clicked for me,” he says. “I was like, ‘Maybe it’s something that I naturally do?’ But then that kind of turned into rap writing too, so I guess they kind of clicked together.” It explains his prolific career as a lyricist; since debuting, he’s amassed over 30 songwriting credits across his various groups, contributing to songs as iconic as NCT U’s “Boss,” NCT 127’s “Cherry Bomb,” and NCT Dream’s “Chewing Gum.”

Even with such an extensive body of work, however, penning lyrics hasn’t satiated his appetite for literary expression. In an interview with Japanese magazine Men’s Non-No, he revealed that he still hopes one day to write a book, whether that be a novel, autobiography, or something more philosophical.

In the meantime, he’s taken to writing what are basically short poems on his Instagram, which he created just a few months ago. He’s gathered over 4.5 million followers since then, but having such a large audience hasn’t deterred him from being endearingly vulnerable with the way he writes. When I refer to them as poems, he laughs and looks embarrassed, but when I ask him to tell me the stories behind them, he’s enthusiastic again. They’re short, but offer brief glimpses into Mark the writer — sharp, inquisitive, and thoughtful. As pieces of literature, they’re a little rough around the edges, but the sincerity he’s known for shines through, illuminating the introspective, philosophical side that may not be so obvious in person.

His first poem, loosely titled “Late Night Scribbling,” put into words his musings about sleep, thoughts, feelings, and writing. It meanders from topic to topic, hovering between feelings of hope and hopelessness, before ending with a comically awkward “haha.”

“I actually wrote that by imagining how I wanted to organize my Instagram page,” he explains. “I was thinking of creating an Instagram, then I realized that, well, I’m not really a picture kind of guy, I’m not really a travelling kind of guy… I kind of studied who I am first, and I [asked myself], ‘What’s something that I can really portray in an intimate way?’ and it turned out to be writing.”

“I started to brainstorm what kind of topics I could write about, and then from there on, I started to write a little each and every night, and that turned into Late Night Scribbling,” he continues. “That kind of gave me courage to start Instagram in the first place, that piece of writing.”

Two weeks later, he followed it up with “Black Socks,” a whimsical ode to, well, black socks — complete with accompanying photos of him wearing said socks. Immediately, it feels more confident and cohesive than its predecessor. Using the neat and tidy look of black socks as a metaphor, he describes his own mindset for living life: “Pleasure from perfect alignment; That also goes for my ability to be parallel with my thoughts and actions; I try to live out what’s in my mind, and keep it consistent even when forgotten like a working habit.”

Comments on the posts praise his writing and encourage him to continue sharing these small pieces of himself. On the stage, Mark takes on a confident, larger-than-life persona, while in vlogs and spoken interviews, he’s a bubbly character full of laughter and boyish charm. What the poems show is that, beneath these outer appearances, there’s another layer of complexity that is yet to be fully explored, and it’s not surprising that fans want to know more.

His day job as a K-pop idol doesn’t allow a lot of time for hobbies, though, and he confesses to not having written much lately. Despite that, he’s determined to stay in the industry for as long as possible. “Longevity is something that I’ve always been aiming for,” he says. “I’m willing to do this for a long time, and that requires a lot of work. I’m willing to take that as a challenge and I’m trying to stay as long as I can, but with quality.”

That focus on quality informs his preparations for the upcoming promotions with NCT Dream. In both their fictional world and ours, NCT Dream are a central component of NCT by virtue of their unique focus on growth — the seven members were aged between 14 and 17 when the group first debuted in 2016. Fast-forward five years, and the members are now 19 to 21, having reached a milestone in January when the youngest, Jisung, finally became a legal adult in Korea. When asked if he feels like an adult yet, though, Mark gives an extremely relatable answer with zero hesitation.

“I still feel like I’m in middle school, I’m gonna be totally honest. I swear to God, I feel like I’m… All right, I’ll put it up — I feel like I’m in high school!” He laughs. “I even had this talk with Jisung, ‘cos he’s the latest that turned into an adult. He said that he still feels like he’s a student, he doesn’t feel like he’s 20 [19 in international age] right now.”

It’s been a long time since all seven Dream members — Mark, Renjun, Jeno, Haechan, Jaemin, Chenle, and Jisung — have released an album together, and as the first full-length album since their debut, the fan anticipation is palpably intense. Mark himself has mentioned in various vlogs how important he believes this comeback to be, and that conviction becomes obvious whenever he talks about it.

“We had a talk all together, the seven of us, without any cameras or anything. I brought all the guys together and we talked before the whole momentum started, and I said that I’m willing to put my everything on this one. Like, I always had, but I feel like… the whole universe, or like— ” He pauses, trying to figure out how to articulate himself, and his next line is the most emphatic of our whole conversation. “There are things that are out of our control, but we can see and feel when the pieces match together sometimes, and I feel like this specific moment, this particular album, kind of had those essential parts.”

He’s thinking about all of the context surrounding this comeback: the group’s coming of age, the reunion of all seven members, the scale of the album, the fact that Jisung has only just recovered from a leg injury that meant he couldn’t dance for months — even the fact that 2020 was, against all odds, the best year yet for NCT, with release after release bringing them unprecedented success and momentum.

“I felt that coming and I explained all of that [to the group],” he continues. “This whole period of time has a lot of meaning to it, and we’re not taking that for granted, we’re working hard.” With everything that’s happened, Hot Sauce is a historic moment for NCT Dream, and that’s been reflected in their numbers — the album clocked over 1.7 million pre-orders, obliterating their previous record of 500,000 for last year’s EP, Reload.

Their familial bond and the success that has come with it is the culmination of years spent living, working, and growing up together. The members have collectively missed out on key experiences that most teenagers might take for granted, distanced as they are from normal life, and the group also benefits from an unusually loose adherence to traditional Korean age hierarchy. The result is a brotherhood that goes beyond just being colleagues. “What we have is pretty intimate, and it’s also genuine,” Mark says.

About his role, he is matter of fact. “I’m by far the most easily approachable punching bag for the team. I am not… complaining…” He laughs. “But all jokes aside, I feel like my role for this team… Yes, I am the oldest and I am the leader but I’m also… In Korea, in the culture, age is very important, but we’ve come so far that all those borders kind of just vanished and we’re all pretty much friends, and I guess I’m just a friend of theirs too.”

It’s true that, despite being the leader, his friendly personality and endearingly awkward mannerisms mean that he commands about as much authority as a small puppy. Instead, much like a puppy, he is showered with love and affection (fellow member Chenle refers to Mark as his son and his actual puppy Daegal as Mark’s little sister), but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a dependable leader figure. The opposite is true — in Renjun’s words, Mark’s presence unites the group in a way that makes him irreplaceable.

And while this may be the fifth year since their debut, in the grand scheme of things, the members of NCT Dream are still very, very young — by most standards, they would still be considered to have their entire careers ahead of them. Growth has brought them here, but where does Mark think it will take them in the future?

“Growing just never stops for us, I can see us growing continuously, endlessly,” he replies. “What the future holds is something that we will never know, but we always do try to prepare during the present, and so with whatever time we have currently and with whatever album, or whatever stage, or whatever piece of music it may be, we’re willing to make sure that we have the next one coming too.”

A final thought. “I’m glad that we’re striving for that, ‘cos we started off as…” Mark shakes his head, “…as babies.”

#nct #nct dream #Mark #nct 127

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mackeydoodledoo · 3 years

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By Your Side

Pairing: Jesy Nelson x (Fem!)Reader

Summary: You’ve had your run-ins with bad love and friendship betrayals. However, that never stopped you from being who you are, regardless if you were sad on the inside. That was all because of Jesy Nelson. However, Jesy had it worse. One encounter with Jesy leads to two broken people coming together in order to help each other

Warnings: Depression, Past Trauma, Slight angst, Attempted Su!c!de

A/n: Okay, so I’ve never written a story where the story is slightly dark. But, The warnings are listed above and if I’m missing any don’t hesitate to tell me! Also, y/n’s past trauma is based on my own experiences with bad-love relationships

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As you snap the final photo of the tour, you could easily tell that one of them; Jesy Nelson looked exhausted.

As everyone heads out back home, you could hear crying.... Jesy... Oh dear.. You grab a piece of paper and write something onto it and fold it. You slip it under the door and gently knock. You make your leave and head to the address I wrote down on it.

Jesy's POV Jesy turns around as she hears a slight knock at the door. I thought I already told Jade and the girls I wasn't up to joining them tonight. As she picks up the note, she opens it and it isn't from one of the girls.

"[Insert Address and 24/7 diner here], I noticed you weren't full of enthusiasm as the Jesy I normally see. But that's understandable. If you're up to a quiet evening with coffee and a small meal, Y/N Y/L/N, Head photographer for Tour." Jesy reads aloud, I could go for something quiet tonight really.

Y/N’s POV As you click through all of the pictures you've shot during tour, you feel a small tap on your shoulder

"Y/N Y/L/N right?" Jesy asks as she seats herself across from me

You nod and you ordered water for the both of you. You weren't down for a classy drink to celebrate the night.

"You didn't join everyone else?" Jesy asks

You shake your head, "I wanted something quiet tonight, I wasn't in for drunk adulting either. It's nice to wind down."

You slide your camera over to Jesy and you let her look the photos you've taken from the duration of the tour.

"You gonna post these?" She asks

"Once I edit them I will," you smile, "You were really into the shots. But I love them."

Jesy rolls onto one where she was knealing down, performing to your camera.

"You really know how to capture shots Y/N," Jesy smiles, "I wish I could look better in them."

"What are you talking about?" you ask, "You look amazing in them. Which is why it caught my eye during the show."

"No I do not look amazing Y/N," Jesy states

She puts your camera down and takes a drink of her water.

"Jesy," you say, calmly, placing your hand on hers

You were going to say something but your mind scrambled how you really wanted to say it vs how your mind ended up piecing it together.

"Do you have anywhere to stay tonight?" She asks

"Well, I'm going to be in London for awhile," you state, "Aside from the hotel I was meant to be staying at. No. No I don't."

"Do you want to stay with me?" Jesy asks out of the blue, "So you'd have somewhere besides the hotel."

"I'd like to. Thank you Jesy." You smile at her

When you and Jesy finish up our seemingly quiet dinner, she hails a cab to the hotel for you to get your remaining things and check out.

Once the both of you had all of that settled, you teo go back to her place.

"Very Jesy," you smile

She shows you to the guest room to settle your things down and then she begins showing you around. You have taken a big liking to her dining room as it was basically a bench with a table and a view of her backyard.

"And you live here?! With your mans?" You ask

"I'm actually single love," Jesy inerrupts, "It’s lonely really so I’m glad you're here."

You smile as you follow her up the stairs and you part ways to each others' rooms for the night. However, by 3 am, you were still hooking up your photos to your laptop. You hear a gentle knock at your door.

"Yeah?" You call out

"Oh, Y/N you're still awake," Jesy calls back, "can I come in?"

"It’s open," you state, putting your photo stuff away

"What's the matter?" you ask, motioning for her to take a seat, and she does

"It hurts," Jesy begins crying, holding up her phone to your face

You take her phone and see a tweet... Katie Hopkins.... You were familiar with Jesy's rough past however, you never thought it was still going.... You grab your phone and begin tapping onto there.

"What are you doing" she asks

"Putting this bitch in her place," you growl, finishing your tweet

Almost immediately there were likes, tweets and retweets to your post. They all say how they agree with you and how you should say it louder for the idiots in the back. One even said preach. However, Katie Hopkins replies to my tweet.

"Oh what a knight for for this chubby mixer. You're not even as half good as the REAL photographers. This woman is desprate to gain attention from her so called fans. What a child."

You begin replying back in such a heated manner, you didn't even realize Jesy was looking at you funny.

"What?" You ask

"Are you arguing with her?" She asks, sniffling and wiping her tears away

"Yeah, what of it?" You ask, calmly, "someone has to teach her a lesson to not be so critical of people. Yeah she called me a not-real-photographer but-but I've had worse come at me. So I’m not letting her get the best of me, and I’m not gonna see you cry because of this crusty-looking-ass-bitch."

Jesy witch cackled and you smile, knowing you made her feel somewhat better.

"You alright now?" You ask

"Somewhat, thank you Y/N," she says

"Now don't worry about this and help me," You say, enthusiastically

You pull up your photos and hook them back up into your laptop and begin going through your photos of what to post as the "Tour Series" on your Instagram page. You take off your sweatshirt and put it on her as you continue working on your photos with her.

"Hey its almost 6 am already," Jesy states, yawning, "We should get to bed."

"True," you reply, "You gotta show me around London because I will not know how to navigate with the steering wheel on the right side of the car."

"Okay love. It's decided," she says, giggling

The week goes by with Jesy touring you around London and having dinners in and out.

"Hey what are some cool abandoned places to do photoshoots in?" You ask

"Why?" Jesy asks, sounding nervous, "Who are you going to do them with?"

"I was going to ask you to be my model," you say, with Jesy looking at me

"Me?" She asks

"Yeah," you say, "I thought it would be cool to do and explore a little bit. It would be during the day obviously."

"Then sure, you know what you're doing when it comes to abandoned places," she says, "But I sadly don't know any."

"That's fine," you say, "I like doing research on that."

Once you two get back to Jesy's, you hop into the kitchen as it was your turn to cook dinner. You decided that you were going to make Shrimp Tempura with Udon noodles. The udon noodles are packages because you can't cook for shit but it'll be better. You take your speaker out and connect it to your phone and put on a random playlist.

As you were popping the tempura into the mini fryer, "Black Magic" by Little Mix came on next and you spin around, happily playing a bop.

Take a sip of my secret potion I'll make you fall in love For a spell that can't be broken One drop should be enough Girl you belong to me I got the recipe And it's called Black Magic

As you spin around, you noticed Jesy in the doorway and you almost fall over as she starts singing her part. However, she stops when you actually did fall onto the floor.

"I'm so sorry love," Jesy laughs, "I couldn't help to listen to one of our songs."

"Well, this is actually the first song I got introduced to Little Mix," you start, "So I got hooked since then."

Dinner finished and the both of us are both in our rooms. You are still working on the photos however, at midnight you hear Jesy crying again.... You couldn't help but your legs immediately hop off the bed and walk toward Jesy's room.

"Jesy?" you ask, "Are you okay?"

You could easily hear Jesy force herself to stop crying and let's you come in. You sit on her bed right next to her. She immediately puts her head on your shoulder as she still cries her eyes out. Ypu put her head into your lap and you begin to brush her hair.

"Talk to me love," you say, brushing her hair hair gently

"Everything hurts," she cries, "They aren't stopping.... I want this to go away. I don't want to feel this pain anymore. I want it to go away."

You sigh.. I know this feeling...

"I understand this feeling all too well," you say, calmly, "Though I don't understand how you exactly feel. I understand how it feels to not want to feel any form of pain anymore. I can't speak to everyone who's feeling how we are. But I don't want you to think that. That may not help but I don't want to see you be sad about stupid things. I understand that it hurts...."

Not knowing where you could go with my whole essay further you trail off. Jesy sits up and looks at you.

"Y/N, what happened to you?" She asks

"Oh, you wouldn't wanna hear about it, it happened a long time ago so it's fine," You lie, but Jesy knew it was a lie

Jesy looks at you and gives me a firm look. Not one to intimidate you but saying, "you can tell me. You can trust me."

"It started in my second year in high school," you start, "There.... There were these two girls. They were new so I wanted them to feel more welcome. Being an extrovert at the time wasn't a real fun idea. But moving on, when we did talk I was really happy so I began showing how I act around my friends; I hug them, I walk around with them and talk to them, maybe catch them and talk to them again before they go home. I begin doing that with them. They did not like that. So they basically reported me to the assistant principal and I had to be told; feeling like I’m being cornered.... Being appointed the bad guy that what I was doing to them, they didn't feel comfortable with. The way I am around my friends wasn't a good excuse. But, the thing was they never told me they were not comfortable with who I was. I tried that and one of them said 'you did nothing wrong' but then proceeds to block me. So i even tried explaining my side of the story but their counselor didn't give two shots about my end of it. I wasn't told before hand so I had to be confronted about it. Since then.... I never trusted the counseling system there, I could only feel safe in the band room area.... And.... That was the first time having suicidal thoughts.... I was sick of who I was when that happened. I didn't want to feel the pain anymore I just wanted to not exist anymore."

Jesy looks at you. You continue on, "Until I did winter percussion, I realized then I had better people to be around, regardless if I act the way I do."

"That’s good love," she says, holding your cheek with her hand, "I’m glad you're still here. Truly."

"And I'm happy you're here too," you reply, "Are you feeling any better?"

She nods, "Thank you for checking in on me. Could you... Stay with me tonight? I don't want to be alone."

You smile, "Of course I will love."

She immediately buries herself in your chest as you get under the covers and have her use your arm as a pillow. You didn't mind. The feeling of being held onto was a lovely feeling.

The next morning as you woke up, you woke up before Jesy. Her back was facing you. What if I made her breakfast?? And she'd wake up to it so she wouldn't have to make an effort... She did listen to my shit show past last night so its the least I could do. You slowly slip out of bed without waking Jesy. You pull the covers up to her shoulders so she wouldn't be as cold and you make your way down the stairs as you walk into the kitchen, greeted by her dogs, whom you let out to go to the bathroom.

"Okay so..... Breakfast.... Eggs, Bacon.... Pancakes, fruit... The basic necessities." you mumble to yourself

You put on some music, not like hype music. Just music for a calm morning and you don't blast that, you don't want to wake Jesy up... Yet. You wander her fridge for all breakfast essentials and her pantry for those as well.

You carefully walk up the stairs and back into Jesy's bedroom and place the tray onto a nightstand and lean close to Jesy.

"Jesy," You whisper, she groans and tries to shake you away, "Time to get up love."

Jesy turns over and her eyes flutter open, "Good morning love. Why are you up?"

"I thought I'd treat you today," you say, bringing the food tray over. This immediately gets her to sit up.

"For me?" She yawns, and you nod as youplace it into her lap.

"You shouldn't have love, thank you," she says

"But I wanted to," you smile, "A thanks for listening last night."

Jesy places a kiss onto your cheek as she begins eating.

As you begin the process of posting the first part to your four part Instagram photoshoot series, you see Jesy's fingers pinching bacon; to hold it. You look up at her and she smiles.

"You deserve to eat too," she smiles

You smile back as you open your mouth for her to feed you as we begin finishing the breakfast you made together.

"I also found a cool abandoned place we could do a shoot at tomorrow afternoon," you start, "It's a Manor called 'Crumbling Berklyn Manor". It looked like everything was kind of intact and looks like we could do some photos there. But only for an hour or so."

"Really?" Jesy asks, "Wouldn't it be illegal?"

"I'm not sure," you say, "I've done these kinds of shoots before so I know what to do."

"You sure?" She asks, you nod

"Trust me Jesy," you say, "But aside from that what do you want to show me today?"

"That's for me to know and for you to find out,"Jesy teases, "But trust me, you're going to enjoy it."

You smile as you take the tray back downstairs and clean up.

"Hey do you have a nice outfit?" Jesy calls,

"Sort of," you answer, "Why?"

"Where I'm taking you tonight is a semi-nice place," she replies

"Alrighty then," you smile

When evening falls, you keep my pants on however, you strip your hoodie and search for your black button down shirt. As you button up my shirt, you turn to the door and notice Jesy watching you.

"Take a goddamn picture if you’re gonna stare," you tease, leaving the two top buttons unbuttoned and grab your leather jacket

You see Jesy doing "the thing" where she puts her finger in her mouth.

"Well don't you look ravishing," you smirk as you offer your arm

She smiles as she takes it and the two of you walk down the stairs. It feels like a fairy tale... You open the door for her and let her out to the car. You open the left side of the door for her she smiles.

"Oh you're going to drive this time?" She smiles

"You've been driving me around enough," you say, smiling and closing her door, "All you have to do for me is to lead me there."

You hop into the driver's seat and begin driving off.

She leads you to this bar called "Bar Soho". Jesy gets you into a good parking spot and you do the same thing where you get her door.

"Such a gentleman," Jesy smiles as she grabs my arm

"I do try milady," you smile

As you get to the entrance, a security person lets the both of you in through one of the entrances as you’re in awe....

"Oh, mama," you gasp

"What's wrong love?" Jesy turns to me

"I've-I've actually never been in a bar before," you say, "or it's been too long."

Jesy smiles and drags you to the bar. The both of you sit down and Jesy orders a drink for herself. You settle on a glass of champagne and begin leaning back into your chair. You gently twirl the glass around as you notice Jesy staring at you; drinking you all in.

"Take a damn picture," you smirk, taking a sip of my champagne

She takes out her phone and snaps a photo and posts it to her Instagram page; Captioning "My best friend is a real lady killer. Watch out ladies she might be coming for you." you look at that post and like it. You look up at her and smirk at her again.

"You're really full of surprises aren't you?" you ask, finishing your glass, "You wanna dance?"

She nods as she drags you to the dance floor. Most of the songs were upbeat and fast. However, there was one song that was slowed down so Jesy's arms settle onto your arms and yours settle down to her waist.

"When are you going to go onto your next adventure?" Jesy asks

"Hmmm," you hum, "Whenever I feel like it. I'm still working on the current series however, I like it here too."

"Why's that?" She asks

"There's a certain woman keeping me bound here," you say, smiling at her

"Well that woman sure is lucky," Jesy says, completely having my compliment go over her head

You sigh.... But you end the dance without it being awkward. You drive back to Jesy's however, Jesy didn't say anything but just go into her room and closes the door. You sigh and go into yours.

As you work on your series, you hear crying again... Feeling bad you immediately get up and walk out of your room to hers.

"Jesy?" you call out, "Are you doing okay? Can-can we talk?"

You hear nothing however, the door was unlocked. You open the door and your eyes land on pills that are in the nightstand and Jesy laying still. Your legs sprint over to her and you hold her onto the floor.

"Jesy!" You scream, "No no no no no....."

You stuck two of your fingers into her mouth and begin making her gag to get the pills out of her mouth, "Spit it out spit it out spit it out!"

You grab a bag and she pukes. With shaky hands you grab her phone and dial whatever number it was to the equivalent of "911" in the US.

"What is your emergency?" The first responder asks

"It's-it’s my friend, Jesy!" You scream, "She swallowed pills and-and I made her pull them out but I don't know what to do from here."

"Slow down, I'll send an ambulance there, just stay close to her and don't let her move."

You follow what the responder does and try and wake her up.

As the ambulance arrives, you watch them take Jesy to the hospital....

"I need to go with her," you request, "I can't leave her alone again."

The paramedics reluctantly let you in along to them.

As we reach the hospital you couldn't go any further in. Face is flushing, head is reeling, you shakily call Perrie, Jade and Leigh-Anne as they were the only ones you could think of calling and within an instant they were already there. You stand up to greet them but you couldn't say anything but cry. Jade was the first one to hug you.

"Jesy-she...." you sob, "We went to the bar and-and I told her a woman was keeping me here and she thought-she thought it was someone else..... when it-it was really her... i left her alone and.... I goddamn left her alone."

Jade, Perrie and Leigh-Anne hug you as you sob your eyes out.

You all wait for what felt like hours until a doctor came out.

"Y/N Y/L/N?" He calls

You look up, "That's me."

"Jesy will be okay," he says, "If you never made her throw up the pills she wouldn't have made it to the Hospital."

The girls pat your shoulder or rub your back. You still didn't feel like a hero... I still need to talk to Jesy.

"Is she taking any visitors?" Perrie asks

"Yes," he answers, "But only Y/N."

You follow him to Jesy's room but you’re the only one who goes in. You notice her sitting up and she looks up and smiles at you.

"Jesy!" You say, walking in and hugging her, "are you okay?"

She nods, "Shouldn't you be talking up that girl you were talking about?"

"No, Jesy listen," You say, "When I told you that the woman who was keeping me here.... That woman was you... Jesy Nelson."

Jesy looks at me like you’re crazy. You are sometimes but you were serious about what you had just told her. However, her surprise turned to happiness when she grabs your face and kisses you. Your arms coil around her gently as you begin deepening the kiss.

"Jesy," you say

"Hmm?" She asks

"When we get out of here, I am not going to leave you alone," You smile, "Because I'll be By Your Side forevermore."

#little mix imagine #little mix x reader #little mix #jesy nelson x reader #jesy nelson imagine #jesy nelson #leigh anne pinnock #perrie edwards #jade thirlwall #female reader

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foxgloveprincess · 3 years

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hello, i don't understand why likes don't mean as much as reblogs (i'm not in any way undermining your effort or anything like that) i genuinely don't understand because it means these people saw my work and liked it right? If it says 300 likes then that means 300 people have seen my stuff and liked it so why is it bad if one gets more likes than reblogs?..

Hi Nonnie,

I’m sorry if this took me a while to respond to. I wanna make sure I can say this well (and I’m sorry it kinda turned into an essay, I’m probably over explaining but there might be someone out there who needs to read this whole thing to understand). This question holds a lot of weight and there’s definitely opposing opinions out there.

Firstly, I would like to say that this is my own opinion and can only reflect my experiences, knowledge, and biases. Other writers may feel differently, others may feel slightly similarly. But this is just me, Rach, answering your question the best way I know how.

Now, Nonnie, just to be clear, I appreciate all the notes that my stories receive. Likes, reblogs, comments—it’s all seen and appreciated. However, what you’re asking brings other factors into play. And I hope to go over some of them in my response.

Tumblr, as a social media platform, was created for the purpose of blogging (in whatever genre/fandom/method the user prefers). Though I cannot say what the initial intentions for the site were when it was created, it has evolved and become what we know today. The way the app and website are set up is to make it easier for people to post or reblog content. It makes sense to me that the expectation is not for user to solely create original content (though they totally can and I follow a handful of blogs that do!). Because like I said, this is social media. There’s supposed to be interaction going on. Therefore, there is an expectation for people to share blog content and pass it around like a potluck. You bring something to the table (if you’re so inclined) and you pass around or take what you want for your own plate (aka your blog).

Since the crux of your question is about the difference between likes and reblogs, I’ll address that next (now that we’ve established the type of platform Tumblr is, which comes into play as context). Tumblr is not really like Instagram in the way that likes help with the algorithm and promote posts (though to be honest I’ve heard that Instagram changes its algorithm so much likes practically do nothing there at this point as well). And you are correct in saying that a like on a post can convey the message: “hey! I really like this! good job!”

However, as a social media platform predicated on the sharing of posts, the like function on Tumblr mainly acts sort of like a bookmark. It’s a great tool and can help people compile their favorite posts or important posts or posts they don’t have enough time to check out right now, etc. I’ve seen people say they use it to create a reading list of fics. I personally have my likes full of writing tips and advice to scroll through. But let me take you on a metaphorical journey.

Your blog is like a personal museum. What you post and what you reblog are the art pieces hanging on your walls and the statues standing across the floor, the art installations and performance pieces. A compilation of your personal tastes that can be whatever you want it to be, showcased for an audience (your followers). They can browse through what you have and maybe find something they want in their own museum and walk past the things they don’t. By posting or reblogging content, you are adding to the display as a curator. Likes, on the other hand, are your archives. No one but you really sees them. They are in the back, in a dark room, and they just sit there. Because that’s what the likes on this platform were created for, despite the ability to share your likes on your blog page, I would posit, most people use the dashboard and will never see them.

This brings me to the writers, gif makers, photographers, picture editors, fanartists, video editors, and content creators on this platform. As we sit at our screens, we can consume a massive amount of media over Tumblr. We can see gif sets and read fanfiction and watch videos and listen to songs, in a matter of minutes. But behind that is a lot of effort and work by these artist who produce their art and share it for people to see. That’s their expectation—for people to see it. I mean, for years, I wrote fanfiction solely for myself (and a few friends). And it was fine. I was writing for an audience of me and telling the stories that I wanted to tell. And then there was this realization that I had one day. I lived for the positive feedback people would give me. (I am convinced every creator has some kind of praise kink inside them, but that’s not something I’ll dig too deep into.) I yearned for approval and what do you know? There’s a whole world wide web that allows me to share my work with a vast, global audience and receive positive feedback. Getting comments and kudos and reblogs and likes feed my soul. It’s what I crave. The way people have interacted with my work has made me friends, has changed the way I view things, and has challenged me to become a better writer. And I do it all on my free time when I’m not working or busy in my personal life and share it at no cost. It can be difficult, but those instances when a comment brings tears to my eyes or when I see a streak of someone reblogging my fics make it all worth it.

Seeing likes in my activity feed for my story is nice, and I really do appreciate them for the pat on the back that they are. However, there’s also an understanding, in my eyes, that a like is very limiting. It’s isolating my audience to just my followers when it could possibly grow exponentially. You said in your ask that if you get 300 likes, that means 300 people saw and liked your work. That is true. However, if those 300 people reblog instead? More people see it. Each of those 300 people could have 5 followers who see it and enjoy it. They can reblog it and their followers can share it. That’s what Tumblr’s for, right? The sharing, the community, the social interaction with blog content.

And I know that there’s a tagging system where people can search out fanfiction through tags (and that can help artists grow their audience), but it’s also unreliable. I cannot tell you how many people I have seen complain about their works not showing up in tags. It would take me all year. It’s the fact that the tags and reblogs are meant to work together to spread posts across Tumblr. To help people discover something new. Likes lock posts away until the initial burst of interaction fizzles and dies. Reblogs keeps the momentum going to help more and more users see it.

And I’m human, I want that approval and interaction. Seeing massive amounts of people simply liking my work (despite knowing that it shows their approval) feels like they’re writing all my hard work and energy off as if it’s unimportant or unworthy. I’m not a machine that can just pump out new fics at the drop of a hat and not be attached to them. Each story I write is deeply personal and is written to create my own enjoyment, true, but I share it with you because I want you to enjoy it, too. It’s hard to not feel like a failure when you post a story and realize your reblog ratio is below 20% (if people even bother to leave any kind of note after reading it). Can you blame artists/creators for feeling discouraged and burnt out when their efforts feel like they’re wasted?

Now, I’m not trying to shake my finger at people who solely like posts and choose not to reblog. That’s not my job and you’re allowed to make your own decisions and curate your blog as you see fit. I’m only here to tell you that reblogs are the best way to support and uplift the artists that you love. You don’t really need to leave a comment. Or even tag it. Just reblogging can help someone feel better about what they’re creating. And it will keep them here, on Tumblr, where you can see their work. Otherwise, they might find the grass greener on some other site. That’s just the way it goes—artist look for a place where they’ll feel appreciated.

I hope you’re not put off by this response. I just think it’s important to consider. Lots of other writers and artists and creators and editors have made similar posts about reblogging content on Tumblr. And I realize it’s highly unlikely anything will change drastically. But, you know, I’m just saying it anyway.

TL;DR Support creators through reblogs on Tumblr, that’s what the platform is designed for.

No one goes to a museum to look at blank walls.

(Remember, this is just my opinion on the matter, and I invite other creators to share theirs if they so choose.)

#✨rachel replies✨#i love nonnies #reblog content #this is important #support artists and creators #this turned out a lot longer than i intended #it’s a goddamn essay

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bellylivesthepoguelife · 3 years

Text

Overwhelmed. John B x Sarah

Request: Hi! How about a college related drabble? Sarah is super overwhelmed with exams coming up and calls John B starting to panic. He comes to see her and plans a whole night to distract her and comfort her 🥰

Word Count: 1.7K

A/N: I know that I didn’t QUITE follow the whole request on this, but it was getting a bit long, so I hope that makes up for it! I wrote this after I wrote the 500 words of pure angst for these two, so I apologize if it’s a little too angsty. Also, I’m still trying to get comfortable writing the comedic/banter parts of a lot of the pogues relationships. (I’m just not naturally witty so I really have to try!) Anyways, I hope you like it! Please let me know what you think!

Heroes and Villains of the Middle Ages was not a class that Sarah Cameron would have ever taken for fun. But when it satisfied one of her General Education requirements, it's not like she really had much of a choice in the matter. The fact that the professor was about as fascinating as the girls from high school that messaged her saying she'd be a "perfect fit" for joining their pyramid marketing business didn't help. So having to write an essay on 4 chapters of her "textbook" (each chapter ranging anywhere between 30-50+ pages long) was grating her brain, as she legitimately has zero desire to complete it.

An hour into her attempt to read the assigned chapters had her overwhelmed. She couldn't even pretend to find the content interesting, she had no clue how she was going to write a 1,000 word essay on it, and to put the icing on the cake: this was one of four that needed to be completed in the next two weeks as part of her final exam. Exasperated at the thought, she throws the book half way across the room as she finished the second chapter. Making it halfway through warrants a break, right?

She scrolls through instagram to allow her brain to run on auto-pilot for awhile. She scrolls past a photo JJ posted 43 minutes ago, of him, John B, and Kie hanging out at the Chateau. JJ snapped the photo, Kie leaning into him, laughing, while John B is in the background making a "you-caught-me-doing-something-I-shouldn't-have" face, no doubt saying something resulting in the laughs from the other two.

The picture makes her smile. Not just because it's of her friends, but also because between John B and JJ, they'll do just about anything to make their friends laugh. It causes her heart to flutter, and she decides to call him to further distract herself.

It doesn't take long for him to pick up, but it's not John B who answers the phone, it's JJ. "Hey Princess! How's college treatin' ya?!"

"Busy, boring, and yet still somehow not captivating enough to keep me from missing you."

"Oh, so you do miss me."

She rolled her eyes, "of course I do JJ."

"Not as much as you miss JB though, I'm sure." There's a pause, but before she can respond he's rushing out the words: "Oh, speaking of! Okay, Here's John B, I'll talk to you later, love you bye!"

She can tell John B is pulling the phone away from him by the decrescendo of his voice as he gets farther from the microphone. However, the sound of her boyfriends voice filling the speaker at her ear makes her smile even more.

"Hey Val." He greets, and she can tell he's smiling.

"Vlad. I must say it is nice to know that JJ misses me. Even though he won't admit it in as many words."

"Yeah, I think it's safe to say we all do."

"Is Kie still there?"

"Nah, she has to work tomorrow so she went home about 20 minutes ago. How did you know she was over?"

"I saw the picture JJ posted on instagram."

"Ahhh, yeah, that would explain it." She heard him walking around, saying goodnight to JJ before closing what she assumed was the door to his bedroom.

"Did y'all have fun?"

"We did- JJ what the hell, I just told you goodnight." He must have opened the door to John B's room.

Sarah could hear JJ say, "yeah but I didn't say goodnight to Princess! Night Princess!" He calls louder, making sure she can hear him.

"Goodnight JJ!" She calls back, knowing she was more than likely on speaker phone.

"Night Birdshit!" is the last thing she hears before she hears the door slam.

John B is back on the phone in an instant. "I swear, I might actually kill him tonight."

She laughs at their antics, and a bittersweet feeling settles in her chest as she realizes just how much she misses her friends.

"So," John B starts again, "How's your homework coming?"

Sarah scoffs. "Don't remind me."

"That bad?"

"It's just this class is so boring!" He's heard her rant about it a million times, but he lets her do it again. "I mean, it's a 400 level class. And I understand those are the more difficult ones, but--fuck--this is hard, and it's not even interesting in the slightest!"

"Which makes it only about a million times worse."

"It does!" She agrees, thankful that he's empathetic to her suffering. "And I have my Chemistry final next week, and my English 102 research paper due the week after. Nevermind the final project for my Geology, and Quantitative Reasoning class that I've only just started on--" She's ranting, and she knows it.

"Woah. Easy there, Val." He chuckles despite her. "You'll work yourself up."

"I am worked up!" The more she talks, the more overwhelmed she gets, and soon she realizes she's pacing her small room. "I just want to come home." The confession almost stuns her as she's catapoulted into a sea of homesickness, and even the knowledge that she'll be home for the summer in two weeks time doesn't even begin to calm the waves.

"You'll be home in a couple weeks, babe. Just 2 more, and then you're mine for the summer."

She knows he's trying to change her perspective, but she's not in the mood tonight. She's sad, and wants the space to allow herself to be sad. A half-hearted "yeah" is all she manages.

"Hey," John B doesn't miss the dejected tone of her voice, realizing how upset she truly is. "It's gonna be alright, Val. 2 more weeks is a piece of cake after the past seven months."

They'd seen each other since she started college, of course, but even then, the last time they were together was when she came home for Wheezie's lacrosse game 5 weeks ago. And after spending almost every day of last summer together, the distance began to do it's damage. Not on their relationship, no, their relationship was still so, so good. It was just on nights like tonight, when she was so overwhelmed that no matter what she thought of, it only made the drowning feeling three times worse.

She feels her throat tighten and before it even registers that she's getting emotional, she feels the gentle pricks behind her eyes indicating it won't be long and she'll be crying. "It's just really hard right now." She confesses, annoyed with how her voice is full of emotion, which is going to cause John B to go into his protective, "I'll-be-your-hero-and-fix-everything" mode.

And sure as shit, his tone becomes softer, and he's building her up. "I know it is, Sarah, but you're doing so well. I know this has been an adjustment for you, and for us, and it hasn't been easy, but you've been doing so well. You're killing it at college, and you only have these last two weeks, these last exams and projects and then you're home for the summer."

She nods, knowing that he's speaking truth, but still feeling discouraged. "It's just, everything's happening at once right now, and I'm just so overwhelmed, and there's just so much pressure riding on these last projects, and--I just want you."

"What do you mean?" She can tell he's laughing at her rambling confession.

"I mean I just want you. I miss you, John B." Great, that broke the dam, and now she's really crying. "I miss hugging you, and kissing you, and just being next to you. Because at least when I was home and busy, we were still together. Now I have to do all of this by myself, and I just feel so alone, and I just want to come home." She didn't intend to share all of these subconscious thoughts and feelings when she called him on the phone. She had initially just called for a distraction, and to see how JJ and Kie were doing. But sometimes the breakdowns come when you least expect them.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" The question is not how she expected him to respond.

She sniffs, thinking through what her Saturday plans were. "I'm- going to finish this essay, probably work on my projects, and study?" She phrases it like a question, even though she's answering his. After hearing silence for a little too long, she adds, "Why?"

"I'm on my way."

"What?" If she wasn't expecting him to ask what she was doing tomorrow, she REALLY doesn't expect him to say he's coming to see her at 10pm on a Friday.

"What do you mean you're on your way."

"I'm coming to see you." He answers as if it's the simplest thing in the world. She can hear his smile as he talks, probably patting himself on the back for being the hopeless romantic, her knight in shining armor, coming to distract her from her scholarly obligations.

"John B, you don't have to do that." Of course, she wants him to. But it's a ways to drive, and she knows his van isn't cheap to fill with gas.

"Shut up Val." He laughs. "I'm going to spend the weekend with you. But on one condition." He thinks, and then doubles back. "Okay, two conditions."

She rolls her eyes, always thinking there's no way she can be more in love with this man, and then he does stuff like this to prove her wrong. "And what are your conditions?"

"One. You have to write your essay. And I'm going to help you study. You don't just get a 'get out of jail free' card just because your man is coming to see you." He gets her to laugh with that one.

"My man?"

"Yes. That is what I am, isn't it? Your man?"

"Sure. And what's the second condition?"

"You have to buy me my own bag of Skinny Pop." Her eyes automatically roll for probably the 15th time tonight. "Okay, agreed. I will go to the store, and buy you your own bag of Skinny Pop."

"And you can't have any of it." He ammends.

"Alright, fine. And I won't have any of it." She grudgingly agrees.

"Deal."

"That settles it then! I'm on my way!"

"Drive safe, loser."

"I love you, Sarah."

She smiles to herself. "I love you too, John B."

"I'm serious though, don't eat my Skinny Pop before I get there."

#jarah b #john b x sarah writings #john b x sarah #obx writings #sarah cameron #john b routledge #jarah b requests #writing requests #obx requests #outer banks writing #college sarah cameron #long distance jarah b

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loveactionsspeaklouder · 3 years

Text

we belong together - kylian mbappé and julian draxler fanfic

13| Findings

may 2024| london

Molly wondered if she was making the correct decision; it had been two weeks since her emotional conversation with Julian, the season had finally finished, so all the players and staff were on holiday. Molly had taken a quick trip back to London to see her family, realising she needed to have a final conversation with Adam. As part of her healing process, she knew she needed to speak to the people she had been hurting the most, her former boyfriend was the main one.

So, as she stood outside his apartment door, she couldn't help but feel nervous. She watched as he slowly opened the door, a small smile on his face. "Stranger," Adam smiled. He pulled her into a hug and walked with her into his living room. She sat on the couch and rested her hands in her lap. "How've you been Moll?"

Molly gulped and gazed into the blue eyes she once adored staring at. "N-not good," she stuttered, taking a deep breath to control her nerves. She twiddled with the promise ring Julian had bought her for her birthday, grazing her finger over the engraving on the inside. She softly smiled at the words: I love you, Juju. "But I'm trying to get better, that's why I'm here," she continued. "I need to explain and apologise for everything."

Adam nodded, allowing the brunette to continue. He sat next to her on the couch, resting his hand on hers. She lightly grinned at the gesture, closing her eyes before speaking. "I just want you to know that you did nothing wrong. What I did to you was horrible and I would fully understand if you never forgive me," her words left him speechless, unable to move his body. He blinked his eyes a few times, processing the words she was speaking. "I turned into a nasty person and betrayed your kindness. I didn't care that I was hurting you, I didn't care that I was lying to you. I wasn't thinking about anyone, not even myself."

"Why did you do it?"

"Because I was hurting," Molly whimpered. Adam wiped a single tear from her cheek and sighed. "I wanted people to feel what I was feeling. I trained myself to switch of my emotions; when I saw the people around me hurting, I enjoyed it. But that isn't right and it's not the person I want to be."

He moved his hands to her face and cupped her cheeks, tenderly placing a kiss to her forehead. "I forgive you Molly," Adam whispered. "You were my first love and you'll always hold a special place in my heart. I hope someday you'll find it in you to love the person you are, because she is special and she deserves all the love in the world."

....

may 2024| maldives

"Okay, I've taken one million photos of you, can we please continue walking?" Molly giggled. She pushed her designer glasses up her nose and stared at Freddie, who rolled his eyes as he grabbed his phone from her hand. The pair were in the Maldives for their after-season holiday; they had arrived a couple of days after her trip to London, which overall was a success. "This view is amazing, I wish we could stay here."

"Now what fun would that be?" Freddie ruffled Molly's hair and playfully winked at her. They walked along the beach until they found a quiet spot to sit in. It was early in the afternoon, so the sun was shining bright. "You haven't told me about your conversation with Adam."

She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, laying her back on the sand. "Surprisingly well," she started. It had only taken Molly two hours in the Maldives until she revealed what she really had been doing to Freddie; he wasn't shocked, he knew the relationship between the three of them was confusing. "I was just honest with him about everything and he was really understanding."

"Did you tell him about Kylian?"

"No," Molly confirmed. She knew she couldn't reveal the whole truth to Adam, she didn't know if he was still in contact with Rosalie and if he would tell her. From the exchange they had, she realised he had developed real feelings for Kylian's fiancé. "That would make the entire situation worse. I'm sure my conversation with him won't be as successful."

"Have you spoken to him?" Freddie questioned. Before Molly could reply, she felt her phone vibrate. She instantly knew who the caller would be; Kylian had been religiously calling and texting her, every single second of the day. She hadn't responded to any of his messages or calls. She ignored the phone and turned her head back to Freddie, who had his eyebrows raised. "Why don't you just speak to him?"

"Because," she loudly sighed and sat up, running her hands over her face. She was tired of arguing and fighting, she was mentally drained about everything. "I have no idea what to say to him." Molly explained. "I love Julian, I truly do. But there's something in Kylian that I can't let go of. I know it's wrong because of his fiancé and his unborn child, but I can't help it."

She picked her phone up and scrolled through the messages from Kylian, showing them to Freddie. He scanned his eyes through them and exhaled, passing the phone back. She continued to look through them and read each individual message.

Tuesday 09:00am – I miss you so much.

Thursday 15:00pm – Why are you ignoring me? Have I done something wrong? If so, I'm sorry.

Saturday 11:00am – Please talk to me.

"Oh Molly," Freddie chuckled. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her into his body. She softly giggled and rested her head on his shoulder. She closed her eyes and played around with his fingers. "Every time we go on holiday, these two boys cause you problems."

"I wish it wasn't so easy to fall in love with me," Molly joked. She winked and nudged her elbow into his chest. She rolled her eyes as she heard her phone vibrate again. "I'm muting this thing," she muttered.

Freddie noticed her expression change when she glanced at the screen. He saw the twinkle in her eyes and the slight smile starting to form on her lips. He immediately knew who was causing this reaction. He knew there was only one person in Molly's life who could get this response out of her. "What did he say?"

She didn't respond straight away, she was still trying to process the message she had just received. It wasn't a long-worded essay or loads of individual messages, it was three words that made Molly's heart flutter with happiness. It was three words that they had said to each other countless times before, but after three weeks of silence, it was the three words she needed to hear. She hadn't spoken to Julian in over three weeks and she still wondered if his heart was still in the same place. How couldn't it be, she thought. You chose Kylian, went to England and then when you returned, he was still there waiting for you. Why do you keep hurting him?

"Earth to Molly," Freddie nudged her arm and laughed. She turned to face him and giggled, realising how long she had been staring at her phone for. "He must have said something spectacular to render you speechless."

"He did," she beamed. "It's so simple, but it means so much," she stood up and brushed of the sand, helping Freddie to his feet. He raised his eyebrow at her, waiting for her to continue. She smiled and wrapped an arm around his waist, starting to make the journey back to their hotel. "He said: I love you."

....

may 2024| maldives

Julian knew when she didn't reply to his message he had to go see her. And that is what he did. He flew from his own holiday all the way over to the island Molly was staying on and managed to locate her hotel (He messaged Freddie on Instagram) but as he found himself in front of her door, he was suddenly nervous. What if she didn't reply to me because she doesn't want to see me, he thought. What happens if she's moved on? He shook his head and knocked on the door, he blushed when his eyes finally met hers. "Surprise."

"Julian?" Molly blinked in surprise, instantly pulling him inside and into a hug. He chuckled and kissed the skin on her neck. "What are you doing here?"

"I had to see you," Julian whispered against her skin. He passionately kissed her lips and picked her up, she wrapped her legs around his waist as he moved them to the bed. He moved a piece of hair behind her ear and smiled. "You are so beautiful," he traced a finger along her cheek. "I've missed you."

Molly pulled him closer and reconnected their lips, she rolled their bodies over, straddling his waist. To say their sex was amazing would be a mere understatement, every touch brought them closer together. "I've missed you so much," she breathed. This was the first intimate act they had shared in over three weeks; it was full of love, passion and urgency. After they finished, she rested her head on his chest, connecting their eyes. "I realised I never replied to your message," she blushed, grazing a finger over his lip. "I lov..."

"I want to be with you," Julian blurted. "I want to hold you, kiss you, touch you," he continued, almost breathlessly. "I want to call you mine."

Molly exhaled and sat up, running a hand through her hair. "It's what I want, but," she paused, turning to face the German. She grabbed his hands and intertwined their fingers, placing soft kisses to his knuckles. "I still have a few things to sort out first, I don't want to hurt you."

"Why would you hurt me?" Julian questioned. He pulled her closer and used a finger to move her head to face his. He gazed over at Molly's phone seeing Kylian's ID on the screen, he loudly sighed and eyed the brunette. "Do you still love him?"

She pondered the question, realising she truly didn't know the correct answer. She couldn't say yes because she knew she fully loved Julian. But, she couldn't say no either. She didn't know why, but a part of her couldn't dismiss the strong feelings she once had for the Frenchman. Realistically, she couldn't truthfully answer the question. She knew every answer would hurt Julian, but she couldn't lie to him. So, she decided to go with the answer she felt comfortable with and hoped he would understand. "I don't know."

....

a/n: oh my baby molly, why isn’t life easy??? so, hello. i know i said i’ll update soon and i lied (i’m sorry) but today is the day i arrange all my posts for this book, because... it is coming to an end *sobs*

anyway, hope you are all love, love always. speak soon xxxx

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