#I have a rant and I’m not being nice sorry y’all scroll past if you don’t wanna read | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

workmaninprogress · 3 years

Text

Forewarning, this is a long post. I tried to pare it down but couldn’t.

I don’t know how to do a page break thing on this app, so y’all will just have to scroll.

Sorry not sorry (I am a little sorry).

Four years ago, I had my first testosterone prescription in my hand.

I remember the day clearly. At the time, I was seeing an endo 2 hours away. A few of my friends also saw him, so I had been to that office multiple times as fun group trips.

When it came down to it being my turn to go on hormones, I drove myself by myself. I’m not sure how I felt about the solitary aspect of it at that moment. I was probably bummed that my friend’s class schedule didn’t fit in my favor, but I doubt I was too concerned about it.

Though, I think, even without fully realizing it, I was gearing up for my transition to be done in solitude.

As I started to research medical transitioning, I kept finding people going through the same journey. I was watching them as they were having “goodbye boobies” cakes and “man-niversary” parties. Pre-transition me was so excited for all of that. I wanted that camaraderie—those celebrations.

I had this grand idea that I’d meet a girl that cared deeply enough to be around for every shot and kiss me after I put the bandaid on. Or that I’d have the group of friends where we all celebrated each other’s milestones together.

But that’s not what happened. Instead, I met a girl, and for nearly four years, I felt like a compromise. Like my transition was in the way of what she wanted. She didn’t care to watch me jab a needle in my leg. She didn’t treat my scars with kindness. She cared that I was “hot” and that I was “the best of both worlds.” I thought it was a compliment, it wasn’t.

While prepping for top surgery, I struggled to find someone to go to Florida with me. I wanted a couple of friends to share the experience with; help make it fun instead of only focused on recovery.

I watched many people go through their transition with friends loving on them. But when it was my turn, it felt like it was a challenge to find people who could be around.

Those moments were hard. I felt like I wasn’t as worthy as the others who were surrounded by loved ones. Quite frankly, I was bitter and jealous.

I’ve moved past those feelings since then. I'm able to acknowledge that schedules, work, and money all played a factor, but when you hear ”you’re just asking way too much,” then you start to feel like your existence is too much. And that hurts.

Thankfully, I did have people to support me (my mom & a friend) during that trip.

Because I DO have plenty of support, even if I’m stubborn and put up a wall, making myself feel like no one is around, I have people that love on me and care for me.

I don’t want to come off as ungrateful or like I’m bashing my friends.

I know they care; I know I’m not a burden to them.

I just never expected my transition to feel so lonely, and some days that thought hits too hard.

I had friends around for my first shot, the first time I shaved my face, and the days we spent filming a silly coming out video. Those moments of camaraderie have existed in my life. They’re few and far between, and I’m positive I’ve forgotten about a lot of them. But they have existed, and I’m grateful for them.

There are just so many times that I wish this wasn’t such a lonely process.

For the most part, I emptied my top surgery drains myself. I peeled off the incision tape myself. I do my shots alone in my bedroom. I take the progress photos of myself.

Some days it’s an empowering feeling, like “look at all I’ve accomplished on my own,” other days, the silence cuts deep.

What I’ve learned over my four years since getting my first ‘script is that transitioning isn’t a team sport. It’s you working your ass off day and night to reach the goals you’ve set for yourself.

And sometimes, that means it gets ridiculously lonely.

Your experience may differ from mine; in fact, it probably does. You may have someone with you for every shot. You may have someone who emptied your drains and tucked your post-surgery-drugged ass into bed.

Maybe you’re in more solitude than I am. Perhaps you’ve gone through every single part of this journey as a solo tour.

Maybe you’ve experienced a bit of both with people that have come in and out of your life over the years.

There’s no wrong way to go through this process. We’re all just as strong for sticking around and sticking needles in our butts whether there are people by our sides or not.

When I posted the photo of that prescription in my hand, my golden ticket, I said, “This is only the beginning. There is so much more to come.”

And I still believe it.

Four years later, I’ve become more cynical and perhaps bitter towards my transition, but there truly is so much more left to discover.

Now that I’ve gotten that rant out of the way (it’s one I’ve been deciding whether or not to post), I acknowledge that I do have great friends. And a great family. I have people in my life that are so utterly proud and aren’t afraid to say it. I’m grateful for all those that have been by my side. Truly.

Sometimes my walls get in the way and make things lonelier than they need to be, so I’ll work on it.

If you’re feeling lonely in your transition right now, as weird as this sounds, you’re not alone in those feelings. Even if you have the most supportive people next to you, it’s still okay to feel lonely. You don’t have to feel guilty about it.

That’s the main reason I’ve written these thoughts out; because they’re confusing and often conflicting.

I have had a hard time letting myself feel lonely without an overwhelming sense of guilt about it.

I wanted to share these thoughts for those of you that are in the same head space.

It’s nice knowing that I have accomplished so much of my transition myself. I feel stronger because of it. I’ve come a long way in the four years since that solo drive, and will forever be thankful and proud.

Just as I will be forever proud and thankful for those who have been by my side during the journey.

I really do appreciate you all.

#female to male #ftm #ftm transgender #ftm transman #ftm trans #ftm transguy #ftm hrt #hormone replacement therapy #hrt #testosterone #trans #transman #transguy #transgender #photo #shirtless #ftm top surgery #top surgery

80 notes · View notes

parachutingkitten · 3 years

Text

Season 5 Analysis

STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I am going to be applying the concept of criticism to a TV show you presumably love and adore as much as I do. If you do not want your idea that the show is immaculate to be challenged, I would not advise reading past this point.

Additional Disclaimer: This includes criticism of Nya’s arc, so if you’re the type of person to get catty about this subject, turn back now.

Mood for this season: It’s spoopy time.

You don’t need to, but if you are interested, and haven’t seen my analysis of past seasons, you can find those here:

Pilot - Season 1 - Season 2 - Season 3 - Season 4

You can also find all of these, and future installments, on my blog using the tag #analysis

Hey everyone! I’m still doing these things! Let’s see, when was my last one? Over two years ago...? Yikes, I owe y’all an apology. I really didn’t mean to put these off that long. Anyway, get ready to hate me, cuz although (for the most part) this seems to be the fandom favorite season… I think it’s overhyped. I know, don’t kill me. I’ll explain myself. I don’t think it’s bad or anything, it’s very well structured, but I definitely wouldn’t rank it among my favorites. First, for a little context, I am making a one second of every ninjago episode video right now, so I’ve been binging the series and all it’s shorts back to back, so I think I’ll have a bit more to say about connective tissue between seasons, and hopefully you guys can look forward to more of these analyses between now and the new year when I’m releasing that video. I’m also officially a film major now so… sorry if I come of as extra pretentious or get too deep. Anyway, let’s jump into the thick of it, shall we?

Plot

This is probably the area I have the fewest number of complaints about. This season has a breakneck pace and it keeps everyone busy. I think that’s why people like it. Everyone’s favorite has something to do. Which brings me to the question… which ninja’s season is this? Lloyd is on a lot of the promotional stuff, but he’s possessed and out of the picture for over half the season, so that can’t be right. Cole turns into a ghost, and the season is a ghost season, but that can’t be right cuz I don’t know that I’ve ever heard anyone claim it was his. Nya reaches her true potential, maybe it’s hers? Well, she does have a large b-plot, but she is consistently not a part of the a-plot. Kai has a whole thing with being protective of Lloyd, he has his fear of water, maybe it’s just another Kai season? Thing is, it’s no one’s. It is an ensemble season, and I think that’s a healthy thing for ninjago to keep doing. The more we label certain seasons for certain ninja, the more complaining we’ll get about who’s turn it is for screen time that we’ll miss out on telling a good story. Also, If the season is focused on a ninja you don’t like, you are less likely to like the season (see my next analysis for that can of worms). Again, this season tells it’s story really well. Morro directly ties into the ending of last season, and Nya’s getting water powers was foreshadowed the season before. That’s some cool connective tissue to start. The opening episode establishes the three different things the ninja will be looking for, and for once they’re actual tools instead of a series of weapons, blades, masks, whatever. I like that. Jay has some really good humor, Zane has his speech changes, Kai has his irrational fears and protective instincts, Cole has his ghost angst, Lloyd has to deal with his father’s passing, Nya is a new water ninja, Wu has a shop to run and a student to reconnect with, even Ronin has an arc about developing morals and gaining friends. There’s the mystery about how to deal with the ghosts, what the rules are, there’s the leader subplot, the ninja’s money situation, and lore of the different realms, they even worked in Skylor and Borg, there’s a lot of cool stuff going on. This is a tightly woven script that manages to include a lot of new concepts that you get pretty quick. I don’t feel like there’s even that much fat to cut. The opening is a little slow and strange, and the cloud kingdom episode feels a little unnecessary, but I do like the idea of visiting a different realm early in the season so the audience isn’t caught off guard in the climax. Again, the plot all works for me, it’s the other stuff I find myself pretty meh on.

Characters

Ronin

I’m pretty sure Ronin is the only new (non villain) character introduced. I like him a lot. Ninjago needed a true wildcard to shake things up and be unpredictable. I also think he’s pretty nicely woven into the action of the plot. I think his introduction is a bit strange. Like, the ninja already know him, but we’ve never seen him before? Just the way they talk about him sounds like they’re quickly recapping who this guy is for those who missed previous episodes. It’s fine if the ninja already know him but either 1) Introduce or foreshadow him a season earlier or 2) Introduce their dynamic to the audience before it becomes plot relevant. Maybe the ninja are grumbling about him being a nuisance while tea shenanigans are going on or something. Or maybe you have a scene of him stealing the scroll and making snarky remarks about the ninja while he does it. Idk. just something so his sudden plot relevance isn’t out of nowhere. Also, I don’t hate his and Nya’s dynamic, but I know a lot of people love it, and I’m just not totally here for it. Is he supposed to be a father figure for her? Mentor? Frienemy? Just plain friend? (love interest???) it’s not super clear and I could have used some clarification. I also like his use and tie to the next season, so overall, well integrated character.

Nya

I’m adding in Nya here cuz she goes through a major character change, and how she’s handled is one of the things that rubs me the wrong way about the season. A lot of people will probably disagree and/or hate me for this section of the analysis so… here we go! The thing she has to get past to reach her true potential is fear of failure (supposedly) and the solution to that is to just… not care as much? First of all, I know this isn’t supper important, but the fun thing about the ninjago elements is that every elemental master matched up personality wise with their element. Jay is the energetic master of lightning, Kai is the hothead master of fire, Zane is the calm and calculating master of ice, Cole is the strong and dependable master of earth, Lloyd is the literal child master of energy. This especially goes for all the new season 4 masters. So what qualities are often associated with water personalities? Well, serenity, control, flexibility, elegance, patience… calm. You know, like a Zane type character (the element directly adjacent to hers). These are things that Nya isn’t - or at the very least don’t define her. (there’s also something to be said about water and its ties to more feminine qualities, which Nya has been actively shown to reject, but I won’t go into that rant here.) She was designed as the fire master’s sister, and when you try to fit a fire personality into a water shaped character mold… it doesn’t exactly mesh well. It doesn’t make sense. But, like I said, whatever. Maybe that’s the point? Like she has to change her personality to be more in tune with water? Sure. But let’s talk about this fear of failure thing. Because that’s the stated thing that dialogue tells us she needs to overcome. But when has Nya ever been afraid of failure? Fear of failure means avoiding doing something because of fear. Nya is ridiculously persistent, always has been (you know, fire personality). She tries training when no one tells her to, she makes her own alter ego to try and be a hero and save the people who would constantly tell her she wasn’t ready. Wu says she only wants things that come easy, but that’s never been her character before now, she has carried the team with her tech, research, and covert ops that no one forced her to do, all things which are not easy. Fear of failure is usually characterized by what if questions. If Nya is so afraid of failure, why don’t we hear her saying stuff like “but what if I’m not strong enough, what if I can’t save them in time, or worse, what if I lose control of my power and end up hurting people?” Cole shows much more of a fear of failure this season surrounding his insecurity about being a ghost. He wants to sit out from missions because he’s not sure he’ll be able to do it - he’s afraid of failure. But whatever, the writing isn’t clear at expressing her true setbacks, but she does display a real problem that a lot of people have and I think could have been well done if set up correctly. She shows an undying persistence that gets her too close, and makes her increasingly incapable. She lets her frustration hinder her progress (again, fire personality trait), and I think that’s interesting because I don’t think ninjago has done this character arc yet. The supposed solution to this problem is that she just needs to… care less? And yes, I kind of see where they were going with this, we sometimes cloud our natural potential by thinking about it too much, but saying “you need to stop caring” is the absolute wrong way to word it. Caring is not her problem, the problem is her control over the emotions that come from her caring. Caring is a good thing, and teaching kids that if you’re ambivalent about your problems, they’ll go away is not a good message. What she needs to do is take a step back. She needs to take a break, stop to think, and look at the big picture instead of hyper focusing on the roadblock directly in front of her. The usual and much better wording of the moral I think they were going for is “stop overthinking things”. Teaching kids to look at a problem from a different angle and give themselves time to cool down is a great thing. And just think of it, in the climax she could have this ah-ha moment where she steps back and looks at the bigger picture - the whole town, surrounded by the ocean - and gets the idea to sink the preeminent into the water, you could even easily tie that back into the bucket exercise, and that’s what triggers her true potential rather than the current… I’m honestly not sure what. Random flashbacks and the end of the season approaching quickly. Alternatively, you could tie it more directly into samurai x, and make her struggle with letting go of the past and allowing yourself to give up something good in your life to progress to something better. Anyway, I don’t think this was a bad decision long term, she needed to be solidified on the team as a full fledged ninja, I just think this season doesn’t handle the transition that well. Anyway, whatever, I’ll be waiting for your hate comments in the notes.

Romance

Um… there’s none this season? Like there’s a few Wusako moments that are still as weird as they were in season 2, but they’re really not prevalent. There’s also the Jay seeing the future thing which has some weird implications next season (again, some interesting connective tissue between seasons), but that’s about it. Maybe that’s part of why I don’t love this season? Like where’s the pixane? Lol, I’m kidding. But maybe that’s why a lot of people do like it. If you don’t like the canon ships… this is a nice little safe haven for you. Rare for a majority of the series.

Villains

So Morro is a good idea… in theory. I know he’s the fandom’s favorite edgy boy, but idk I think the brand of angsty teen they ended up with was more of an angsty 13 year old than 17 year old. His voice is really grating and I always want to yell at him to just… go get some cough drops. Stop throat screaming, use your diaphragm man! Also, everyone goes on about his last minute redemption, but as far as season 5 goes, he has like half a second of a change of heart. Literally, when Wu comes over and he’s drowning, he’s still being a persistent little idiot like “you never cared about me nooooo!” and it’s only at the last possible second that gives him the crystal, and even that he does it kind of saltily. The preeminent is pretty cool, I like her concept, her design, all that. All the other ghosts are fine I guess. Nothing super memorable out of them, although their aesthetic, especially when there’s a bunch of them swarming around is pretty cool. One last thing was I never understood how Morro “becoming the green ninja” worked and what exactly it was that… did for him? Like he didn’t actually get the power of energy, right? I don’t remember him using it. Did just him defeating Lloyd make him the green ninja? How does that transfer work? And why did he need it to take over the world or realms or whatever? Like I get that it’s supposed to give him more power and what not but idk, it wasn’t super clear. That’s a minor thing though.

Climax

Pretty cool. I like the ATMOSPHERE. Green light is a hard thing to use and justify correctly, but it works really well here, especially with the dark kinda gray blue sky complimenting it. When the preeminent starts walking into the ocean, it’s genuinely terrifying, but you understand exactly how it works and why she’s strong enough to do it. Nya’s true potential is again a little out of left field and could have had some better motivation put behind it. Like what is it Nya learned in that instant? To not be afraid to protect people? She’s… been doing that. Idk. I’ve hit on that enough for now. Overall, there was good variety. I like the green ninja fake out, I like the realm hopping, I even like the little Garmadon visit and Lloyd getting the robe. I feel like we didn’t need a part one and two, you could have had different titles. I mean come on. But hey, now we know, if Pix had only been there, the whole climax would have been wrapped up in like 10 minutes apparently. Pix for the win.

Humor

Really good. Like I’m surprised how much I laughed. Jay wasn’t annoying humor, it was good stuff, there were some good running gags, there’s a solid fourth wall joke about who the lead ninja is at the beginning of the season. Overall, I am pretty impressed. My favorite joke was perhaps the bit where Jay is sarcastically positive, the voice acting is just really solid. Then again, there’s also the whole Borg scene where he roasts half the ninja, that’s solid stuff right there. There’s just some really solid character interaction this season and the humor feels a lot more natural and less forced.

Drama

Okay, we’ve got a lot this season. Y’all know how I feel about Nya’s arc by now. It does not work for me. Ronin’s relationship with her is alright, but kind of comes out of nowhere. Ronin’s solo plot about kinda working for the ghosts works. Cole’s ghost angst works for the most part, although I wish he would have actually skipped a mission and then gone in to help save his friends once they can’t do it without him. That was probably the most solid drama of the season. The other main thing we have this season is Kai’s whole… fear/protective streak. This also doesn’t really work for me. Like, I get that Lloyd and Kai are friends and stuff, like his whole true potential was centered around Lloyd. But like, why does it have to be framed so weirdly? Sometimes in trying to make it seem like Kai is protective of him, it seems like the other ninja just like… don’t care about him? Not all the time, but there are some weird vibes. Also, it doesn’t really go anywhere. No one learns anything about themselves from this subplot, nothing comes of it, there isn’t really a payoff. Also, Kai has yet another irrational fear, this time of water, which really comes right the hell out of nowhere. They try to explain it away like “Oh, Kai feels powerless and so water can get to him” but like… what? That’s the exact situation he was in at the end of season 2 and he seemed perfectly content to literally swim across the ocean (which um… what do you mean the sworn protector of ninjago can’t swim?). Where is this coming from?! Again, it doesn’t really go anywhere, there’s not a point where he has to learn to confront it or he grows because of it. It’s just pointless stuff added cuz the writers like giving Kai vague trails to try and develop him. The cloud kingdom is kinda cool. That last minute twist about them working with Morro is… stupid and unnecessary though.

Spotlight Episode

I really like the Spinjitzu master tomb episode. Some cool riddles, I like the first two rooms a lot. I do think the third room is a bit strange. Like, the clue was “don’t look ahead” and the solution was to look beneath them, which is the exact same solution as the previous room. Like, you already have magic ice that shows the future, why not play into that? Don’t look ahead could maybe mean don’t look to the future, the opposite of that being the past. Maybe they have to draw on their past adventures to solve it somehow? Learning from the past is a good lesson, right? But overall, I really like it. Some real solid humor this episode. This episode has the sarcastic Jay optimism, Kai totally stalling for time, Zane dealing a pretty sick burn on Cole, just a lot of fun stuff. I like it. It just has great energy and nothing feels like it’s drawn out for too long.

Misc

The aesthetic this season… can be inconsistent, but the main ghost vibe displayed in the opening theme is really solid and I really like it

Speaking of the opening, Ghost wip is great and the opening in on par with last season’s (which is my fav) for sure

Ice age references… okay.

Chima references…. OKAY...

Okay, but like Deepstone can… kill ghosts? Or not? Is it just something ghosts can touch? It’s supposed to be like water in weapon form, right? Like that’s how I understood it when they first introduced it. Wouldn’t the deepstone bars kill Ghoultar then? And then like, Cole’s bike is made of deepstone. He uses it as a weapon. Wouldn’t it kill him? It kills other ghosts when they touch it. How… how does it work?! I need answers!!!

The captain of the steam boat says they’re going as fast as possible, but later Ronin comes in and cranks it up like twice as fast… that always bothered me like, why would he lie about that? Who is this captain and why is he so chill about everyone’s lives?! And then later Wu cranks it up yet again, like the ship had slowed down to it’s previous speed. What the hell is happening with the controls of this ship???

So pissed that the nasty CGI nightmare cloud monster that chases the ninja is named Nimbus. Totally forgot about that. I have an OC with a cat named Nimbus… I promise, there is not going to be a stupid twist bout the cat being the monster thing in Mists of Fate. That would be very stupid.

I was all excited that season 13 gave us minecart chases, but I totally forgot season 5 gave us one first. I really like the return to the caves of despair btw, good reuse of a known location.

How many times this season did we do the:

Kai: Oh, I don’t like water, I can’t do it uwu Cole: ...You serious?

Thanks for reading! And if you got this far… I don’t know. I would love to hear your thoughts if you have any! These are just my opinions, so don’t think too much of it if you disagree.

-Kitten

#ninjago #analysis #ns5 #ninjago possession #parachuterants

32 notes · View notes

whereisten · 5 years

Text

Hero, Yuta, & Me

Summary: Your pet sitting job lands you at the doorstep of the magnetic Yuta Nakamoto, owner of the cutest Shiba Inu on the planet, Hero.

Multi-part Series: Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

Part 3

Word Count: 3.2k words

Kaia, Joanna, and Taissa drove over to your house to pick you up and drive over to Jaehyun’s house. You went with a dark blue dress that hugged your curves nicely. Your heels could poke an eye out.

You arrived at Jaehyun’s Spanish villa style home. Jaehyun came from a wealthy family but because of his soccer career, his wealth multiplied tenfold. The house probably had sixteen bedrooms AND sixteen bathrooms. In order to enter to Jung estate, you and the girls had to give your names at the security gate. You raised your eyebrows at the opulence and exclusivity of it all.

Kaia parked her blue Corvette (which your dress oddly matched with) and the four of you walked through the impressive garden entrance. You knocked on the door and were greeted by a butler who reminded you very much of Alfred Pennyworth circa The Dark Knight era.

“Welcome to the Jung estate. Master Jung is expecting you. Please come in,” he said.

Of course, Jaehyun had a British butler.

“Locked Out of Heaven” by Bruno Mars was playing from some admittedly amazing speakers. You recognized a lot of your classmates. Doyoung and Johnny were in an intense round of pool. Youngjae was belting it out in the karaoke room. Senior dance captain Lisa was at the center of the dance floor. It was surreal seeing everyone again after so long.

You and the girls were served some of the most amazing frozen margaritas in existence. You clinked glasses and talked about everything and nothing for a while.

You noticed that the party playlist was a 2012 playlist, highlighting the year you graduated. “Thinkin’ About You” by Frank Ocean played as you found yourself worried about Jaehyun popping out at any second.

The beautiful song paused. Then, you heard someone clinking their glass.

At the top of the grand staircase was the ever extravagant and ever extra Jaehyun Jung.

“Hello everyone!” Jaehyun yelled to the partygoers. He was met with cheers and whoops.

He continued, “Thank you so much for coming out. I’ve missed each and every one of you since we graduated.” His eyes met yours then.

Taissa cleared her throat. “Yikes.”

“Enjoy the night! There’s plenty of booze and make all the noise you want!” Jaehyun proclaimed.

Everyone yelled then as the music changed to “I Love It” by Icona Pop. More people went to the dance floor, drinks in hand.

“You guys saw that, right?” You asked.

“Anyone who’s had two drinks or less did, Y/N,” Kaia answered.

“He’s coming this way, y’all!” Joanna whispered a little too loudly.

Jaehyun sauntered his way over to you. You felt a little smaller and you hated that.

“Hello ladies,” he said as he smiled his angelic smile.

You had to hand it to the boy. His smile was so benevolent.

The girls all muttered greetings while you said, “Hi.”

“Y/N, I’m really glad you came,” he said as he smiled.

You sighed. “Well, how could I turn down free drinks?”

He laughed. “I deserved that.”

“Among other things,” Joanna muttered.

Jaehyun acted like he hadn’t heard that. “Y/N, can I speak to you alone?”

You raised your eyebrows at that. “Sure.”

Jaehyun led you to the gorgeous gazebo in the backyard. Candles were lit all around it. Technicolor flowers and lights sprinkled all over the top. It was so beautiful you wanted to pull your camera out and take photos at every angle.

Jaehyun sat down at the bench and you sat down as well, keeping yourself three feet apart from him.

Jaehyun fiddled with his champagne flute when he started. “You look great, Y/N.”

You couldn’t help the blush. Curse your seventeen-year-old self that was rising to the surface.

You snapped out of it and met his default flirtatious gaze. “Let’s cut the crap. What did you need to say?”

At first, Jaehyun averted his gaze and stared down at his lap. But then out of respect for you, he gave you eye contact as he delivered, “I am so sorry.”

That was the first of many things you wanted him to say. He just needed to beat himself up a little more before you caved and forgave him.

“For what?” You prodded, teasing him and acting like you didn’t know what he was talking about.

Jaehyun continued, “For blowing you off at prom and being scum of the earth.”

“Oh! That,” you said as you rolled your eyes.

“I was a jerk. And you were right. I was a coward.”

“I like what I’m hearing, good sir,” you said as you downed the rest of your margarita.

“I owe you an explanation. Not that it’s an excuse but I need you to know what happened.”

Your ears perked up at that. You were interested. You thought it was because he didn’t deem you cool enough or some other bull. But deep down you always wondered if there was more to the story.

“I’m listening,” you said.

“Candice’s dad was my old soccer coach. Taught me everything I knew and helped me book deals and sponsorships. But he was manipulative and wanted more of a cut of my earnings than he was given. I got caught up with some drug dealings senior year and he threatened to out me if I didn’t increase his pay and take Candice to prom.” Jaehyun looked smaller then as he shrunk in shame.

“Drugs?” You were shocked.

“I was an idiot, Y/N. I got clean after graduation. Told my parents everything. They cut ties with Coach Lochlan because they had some dirt on him. I took the summer to go to rehab and kept training.”

“And Candice?” You added.

“Candice had no idea about the drugs or what her dad was up to. She was a family friend. She always thought we would end up together even if we fucked around. So when I asked her to go the night before prom, she thought it was because it was the real deal.”

“Oh,” you managed to say.

“And...I didn’t know how to tell you. I felt horrible. I knew if I called you, I wouldn’t have been able to do it. If I texted, I...just couldn’t do it.”

“So Facebook messenger?” You asked in disbelief.

“I know. It was stupid and selfish and everything else,” Jaehyun downed the rest of his champagne.

You both sat in silence for a minute. The partygoers came in and out of the house. The vibe of the party was euphoric and carefree. The bubble you and Jaehyun created was not.

“Y/N, you have to know I liked you a lot back then,” he said.

“I figured you didn’t find me repulsive when you asked me to prom,” you said. He really pulled out all the stops back then. He convinced the soccer team to help him perform a slightly tone-deaf version of “I Swear” by All-4-One. You remember crying from laughter that day.

“I am so sorry,” Jaehyun repeated.

“So how are you now?” You wondered aloud.

“What?” Jaehyun was confused.

“Are you clean? For real?” Even if you thought Jaehyun was an egomaniac and a coward, he was still a human being with feelings and a family and a future.

Jaehyun nodded fervently. “I’ve been clean since the summer after senior year. Soccer was my only focus after that.”

“Look, what you did to me was cruel and humiliating. But...now that you told me what happened...It’s still cruel and humiliating...What you went through was terrible and I hope you’re clean now. I don’t want you to get messed up with drugs. It’s not a life for anyone. So...I forgive you.”

Jaehyun’s smile came back full force. His prominent dimples were bigger than you’d ever seen them. “Really?”

You nodded. “It’s in the past now.”

Jaehyun said, “Y/N, thank you.”

You smiled. “I’m glad you told me the truth. It must not have been easy for you to say it.”

Which made you wonder.

“Wait a minute,” you said.

Jaehyun’s smile faded.

“Why are you telling me this? Won’t this get you in trouble?” Jaehyun’s drug use was never revealed to the public. You would’ve known. He was one of the biggest celebrities in the world so whether you liked it or not, his life was out there for you to always get updated on. Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, you name it.

“I was betting on you keeping it a secret.”

Well, that was a bombshell. “And what if I’m not the decent girl you remember?”

Jaehyun lifted an eyebrow at that. “You haven’t changed that much, Y/N.”

You asked, “What makes you say that?”

“I’ve kept up with you on Instagram and Twitter,” he blurted and turned away from you.

You coughed. “I’m sorry?”

“I’ve kept up with you on-“ He said as he avoided your stare.

“How? I would’ve blocked your ass,” you said.

“messi_214 was me. On Twitter.”

Curse you for accepting any and all follows on Twitter.

This meant he had seen everything. Your One Direction phase. Your very brief 5 Seconds of Summer phase. Your descent down the anime hole. Your rants about your family and your life. Your desperate longing to go to Barcelona and meet Messi. Your crude humor with your friends.

“Oh, no,” you said as you made yourself smaller. Trying to hide.

“You are hilarious,” Jaehyun said as he laughed at your reaction.

“Oh, God, why?!” You asked yourself, Jaehyun, and the big man upstairs.

“As for Instagram, Doyoung let me scroll through your feed whenever we met up.”

“Jaehyun, that’s a little creepy.”

“I would’ve messaged directly if you didn’t hate my guts so that was the next best thing.” He shrugged.

“You lurker,” you said as you shook your head. “Tell me you didn’t see everything.”

“Believe it or not, I have a life. I’ve been pretty busy...Mrs. Irwin.” So he did see everything, including your crush on drummer Ashton Irwin.

You smacked his arm. “Son of a!”

He laughed. “Y/N, the most vile thing you’d do is trash talk Real Madrid on Twitter. So...I trust you with my secret. But...I’m letting you decide. Say something or don’t, I’ll respect it and face the consequences.”

You weren’t going to expose Jaehyun. When he told you, you knew you would take his secret to the grave.

“I won’t say anything, doofus,” you said.

He perked up at “doofus”. “Y/N, thank you.”

“I do have one favor to ask you.”

“Anything,” he said eagerly, ready to buy you a car, a dozen handbags, and a plane trip to Fiji, if you asked.

You blew out a deep breath. “Don’t lurk anymore. Just follow me on Twitter and Instagram. As yourself. Not as messi_214 or as Doyoung. I won’t block you.”

“You promise?” His eyes were hopeful.

“I promise,” you replied.

Yuta was on his way to pick you up from the party. He was taking you to a late drive-in movie. Hero was coming along so you were even more ecstatic. You packed a change of clothes in Kaia’s car.

You and Jaehyun parted ways after your conversation. He surprised you by asking for your number but you didn’t think too much of it. He probably just wanted to commemorate your renewed friendship. It wasn’t like he was going to call tomorrow and ask to go play air hockey at the local arcade. So you gave your number to him. You thought he was just being nice. The next time you saw him would probably be at your high school’s ten year reunion.

Kaia walked you back to her car to unlock it for you. “So how did it go with Jaehyun? I’m dying here.”

You laughed. “He explained why he blew me off and...I saw things differently. His actions aren’t excusable. But...I forgave him.” You didn’t tell Kaia about the drug use but you told her everything else.

Kaia nodded. “I see. So this means he’s probably going to ask you out soon.”

You frowned. “What?”

“Y/N, he’s been keeping tabs on you for basically a decade. I hardly think it’s because he cares about your Stranger Things updates or your song recommendations,” Kaia grabbed some chapstick from her glove compartment as you grabbed your bag.

You shook your head. Jaehyun had moved on. He probably only liked you in the most innocent way in high school, too. He probably wouldn’t have asked you out again after that. Everyone had grown up and become different people. High school was long gone. He just wanted to make amends. And you did. “Kaia, no.”

Kaia sighed. “Y/N, he likes you.”

“Kaia, he does not.”

“I saw the way he looked at you.”

You were even more confused. “When?”

“When you two were talking outside. It was obvious. When you looked away from him, I saw it in his face. He looked like it physically ached him not to touch you.”

You laughed. “Kaia, you got all that from a look?”

Kaia rolled her eyes. “If stalking you on social media isn’t proof alone, you’re hopeless.”

You leaned onto her car and looked up at the night sky. They started fireworks in the backyard. “Even If he did, it wouldn’t mean anything.”

Because Yuta captivated you. And that was that.

Kaia got back to the party as you waited in front of the security gate for Yuta. A few minutes passed and he pulled up in his Challenger. You heard barking.

Yuta pulled down the passenger side window and gave a low whistle as he looked at you in your dress. “Have mercy.”

You laughed. “Hi, baby.”

Hero jumped from the backseat to the front to lick your chin from the window. “Hi, beebs! I missed you!”

“Hey! I’m waiting for my kiss,” Yuta whined.

You opened the passenger side door and were careful not to let Hero jump out. Hero moved to the backseat. You fastened your seatbelt and looked back at Yuta, who looked like an impatient kid.

“You have to put on your seatbelt to kiss me?” He asked.

It was funny. Regardless of a car moving or not, you automatically put on your seatbelt. You blushed, about to unfasten your seatbelt when he moved over and planted his lips on your mouth. He embraced you and you felt the warmth of his skin on your bare arms.

Your heartbeat was all over the place. You loved it when he took you by surprise. Yuta was a mischievous man who liked to mess with you and reward you all at once.

He tucked your side bangs behind your ear and just smiled at you in adoration. You looked stunning and he didn’t want to share you with anyone else.

“Let’s go,” he said.

“So I wasn’t the first soccer player to turn your brain into mush?” Yuta was annoyed.

You told him what you told Kaia about Jaehyun because you didn’t want to keep things from him and have it blow up in your face later.

“I’m afraid not, stud,” you said. You gave Yuta all kinds of cute nicknames.

“Pisses me off,” Yuta rolled his eyes as he muttered in Japanese. Hero was sleeping in the backseat. You were at the Galaxy Drive-In Theaters. The trailers were playing before Toy Story 4 would come on.

“Are you jealous?” You loved it.

“Damn straight. You know he’s into you, don’t you? I’ll kill him.” He aggressively grabbed a handful of popcorn and shoved it in his mouth.

“Yuta,” you laughed. “He is not.”

“Don’t deny it, Y/N. That pisses me off even more.”

Honestly? It wasn’t that much of a stretch. But so what? Jaehyun had a life of his own away from Miami. God knows how many women he was sleeping with. He wouldn’t pursue you. Did he think you were hot? Probably. But that wasn’t enough incentive for him to go out of his way and ask you out. You would become an afterthought to him.

Maybe he just wanted to ease up on some of the guilt he carried. His drug use was enough for him to look back on. Earning your forgiveness must have helped him feel a little better.

“Fine,” you said. “Maybe he does like me but who cares? I like someone else.”

Yuta eased up a little, ready to hear you sing his praises.

“Taeyong is number one in my heart,” you said. Taeyong Lee had been your celebrity crush since his debut single “Let’s Get It (feat. A$AP Rocky)” came out in 2018.

“I hate you,” Yuta pouted as you snatched the popcorn.

“I know,” you said. You absolutely relished in messing with him.

Toy Story 4 was way better than you anticipated it to be and you found yourself tearing up at the slightly unexpected ending. You had a feeling it would end the way it did but you still cried. Yuta had his arm around you and you leaned in closer to him, enjoying the scent of him.

“You big baby,” Yuta said as he sniffled. It seemed he also had a soul.

“Hypocrite,” you muttered.

He laughed as he kissed the crown of your head. “Let’s go home.”

“Okay,” you managed to say without your voice cracking. Your first night with Yuta.

You got back to his house in record time. Hero fell back asleep in the living room, which left you and Yuta in his kitchen.

Yuta could tell you were nervous. “I can make tea. Or do you want something else to drink?”

He was so kind and considerate it killed you. “Tea’s good. I’m actually hungry. Mind if I steal a scone?” Yuta made the best blueberry scones and oddly enough, they were your favorite pastry.

He smiled. Your love of food made you all the more adorable to him. He loved feeding you. “Not at all, sweets.”

Oh yeah, he also had all sorts of cute nicknames for you, too. You two were so nauseatingly sweet that anyone who came into your vicinity needed a filling.

Once you two ate some scones and drank his favorite green tea, you walked into his bedroom.

He picked you up and sat you on his bed. His eyes were the most intense you’d ever seen them. He had his hands on your shoulders and leaned down to kiss you. You fell back on the bed and he got on top of you.

He kissed your neck and moved his way down the valley between your breasts. He looked back up at you, waiting for an answer. You nodded.

The thing about Yuta is that even though he liked to tease you and lived to make you turn red, he wanted you to feel safe and protected. He made you feel like the most precious thing in the world. Like you were above Aphrodite. So when he made love to you that night for the first time, you knew that no one could ever make you feel this good.

Back at Jaehyun’s party, your friends were dancing and having the time of their lives. Jaehyun surprised everyone when he halted the music once again. He stood at the top of the staircase again.

“I’ve been dying to tell you guys this all night. I was just waiting for the final confirmation from my manager. I am moving back to Miami because I am joining the Inter Miami CF team!!!!!” Jaehyun yelled at the top of his lungs.

Joanna and Taissa looked at each other and said. “Shit.”

Jaehyun looked out into the crowd and looked for you. He was so busy mingling with everyone but hoped to run into you later on so he could ask you to come see him play. But you were nowhere to be seen.

Part 4 (Coming Soon)

A/N: Thank you so much for the love for this fluff. I really appreciate it! So yes, you are correct...Someone is gonna die next chapter or get a black eye. I don’t know. But it should be fun!

255 notes · View notes

ziracona · 4 years

Note

How many people were tested just for others anyway? Gordon's wife and daughter, Daniel (the wiki says it was also for shoplifting but he was 16 so I call bs), literally everyone except Lynn and her husband in Saw III, and my memory past 3 is fuzzy but that one lying author's wife comes straight to mind. They weren't being tested for whatever John pretended his survival of the fittest policy was they were terrorized tortured and/or killed for basically nothing but the pain of the target.

Anon you’re so valid TuT

ITS TRUE AND WE SHOULD ALL SAY IT!!! Also, I wrote this little part last, bc I just wanted to give fair warning that I went blind into a rage and wrote threethousand words about how much I hate John Kramer, full of very terrible language and spoilers for Saw 1-6, because I go that fucking feral at the sound of his name, and I can’t make everyone scroll past that so I’m putting most of it under the cut, but even if you decide you justifiably fear that rant and don’t read it, just know you are incredibly valid, and John can eat shit and die. Rant start:

John did that bullshit constantly! He would over and over put 1 (one) man he personally wanted to watch suffer on trial and sacrifice /scores/ of people for no reason. No trap, no way to escape, at someone else’s mercy completely or maybe with 0 chance even there bc JOHN KRAMER IS A SACK OF SHIT.

He kills a house full of drug addicts in two, mostly just bc his wife worked w drug addicts and John hates drug addicts, and even though Amanda was in their literal exact same position she does jack shit to stop him and just watches people slowly have their organs deteriorate and start coughing up blood around her!! Including fucking Daniel! Who got an antidote but like, at the 11th hour. Do y’all even understand how biology works John and CO??? If you neutralize a poison after it has deteriorated parts of organs it might save your life but itS NOT A FUCKING HEALTH POTION. Poor Daniel Matthews probably will only live to be like forty tops if he’s super lucky because of that. And he did NOTHING!!! He had shoplifted bc he was going through a teen phase but he’s like sixteen! Everyone was dumb as shit as a teenager, and most people shoplift at some point in their life! It does not earn you slow deterioration of your organs! Poor kid not only watched a man burned to death in an oven, dude have his brains blown out, girl die of prolonged organ failure, and more shit, he himself /killed/ a man as a sixteen year old child to save Amanda Young because he’s got a good heart and is a good person, and that shit is awful! It’s traumatic to kill someone at any age, but as a teenager? And then he got knocked out by her and thrown in a tiny locked safe, tied up and gagged, and kept alive by an oxygen tank in an enclosed space after that massive trauma for or AT LEAST 24 HOURS ! He did NOTHING. It was all just a long-con sacrifice to get Eric Matthews to a specific location. Eric did some real shit, but god, even after everything Daniel did for Amanda and all John’s talk of innocents, neither of them ever even tell Eric he lived! Amanda just locks him up, fights, beats him to she thinks death, and then John keeps him locked up and isolated in a cell for months, only to make him choke himself slowly in a test he doesn’t actually get to participate in to keep a friend from being electrocuted. It’s all kinds of fucked.

Even Jeff did nothing worse than be depressed and obsessive and unavailable to his kid, all Lynn did was have a boyfriend after she and he separated (and tbh the only reason John took her was bc he wanted a doctor and hated her for being one of the docs who told him he had cancer bc John is a pettyass hypocritical stupid sack of shit!) I’m VIBRATING with hatred. Lynn was just a pawn in Amanda’s test! It never mattered if she kept John alive! It only mattered if Amanda decided to fucking shoot her!!! She did her task and died and JOHN KNEW THERE WAS A HIGH PROBABILITY AMANDA WOULD KILL HER AND DID NOTHING TO STOP IT BC JOHN CARES ABOUT NO ONE BUT HIMSELF THE FUCKING WORTHLESS LITTLE WORM.

And the other victims in 3 are a poor college student who ran over someone on accident and feels massive guilt already and served jail time for it who gets his fucking limbs and then head all twisted off while begging for his life because JOHN KRAMER IS A PIECE OF SHIT AND SO IS JEFF TBH. BUT NOT AS BIG OF ONE. The poor girl who is stung up naked in a freezer and sprayed repeatedly with water till she is encased in ice and dead literally just saw the hit and run and ran away bc she was scared!!! Not to mention Jeff’s other kid who gets kidnapped and locked up as collateral! Even if she’s not hurt that’s FUCKING TRAUMATIZING FOR A YOUNG CHILD. And Allison Kerry did nothing wrong! Amanda kills her in the Angel trap literally just bc she’s investigating them! When he targets a detective John’s always like “Ho ho he, I am putting you on trial bc you are obsessed with your work” LIKE, BITCH NO SHE FUCKIN AINT SHE DOIN HER GODDAMN JOB AND U DON”T WANT TO GET CAUGHT YOU STUPID FUCKING WHORE I FUCKING HATE YOU SO MUCH THAT JUST LOOKING AT YOUR FACE CAUSES ME TO PRODUCE SO MUCH EXCESS EPINEPHRINE I COULD BOTTLE IT AND SAVE IT FOR LATER. I swear to god, if I had a grenade and I was in the room trapped with a still breathing John Kramer, I would kill pull the pin and take us both! FUCK I would pull the pin and then french kiss the grenade as thanks for letting me see that sack of shit go right to hell!

I don’t remember all of four bc it was really terrible, so I don’t have a lot of thoughts there except woof, but there was a lot of bullshit. Like John’s lawyer who did nothing but try to talk to him about finances enough it pissed John off got kidnapped, won his first game, and then got kidnapped again BC THAT SHIT HEAD SURE NEVER KEEPS EVEN HIS OWN GODDAMNED WORD and was made pawn in the game and then shot bc he didn’t have a chance to save himsefl!!!

In Saw one, also, again, Adam was never being tested. He was just a pawn too. It was Gordon who got to decide to kill him or not, and ADAM LIVED TO SIX OR WHENEVER THE FUCK THE TIME WAS AND JOHN STILL LEFT HIM TO DIE BECAUSE HE”S A HYPOCRITICAL PIECE OF SHIT!!!! And he’s not interesting enough for Johns MASSIVE brainshlong that obviously is so full of right ideas and enlightenment you MICROPENISEDtrulyIDIOTIC self-centered human garbage! He only took Adam at all bc he was there! He said the reason was Adam was pathetic! ADAM WAS DOING HIS BEST YOU CRUSTY ASS RED ROBED TURTLE LOOKIN MOTHERFUCKER. He was a freelance photographer in New Jersey in his early 20s during an economic collapse, and still nice enough to be taking care of stray cats you FUCKING sack of dogshit!

And Gordon? All he did was tell John he had cancer! He was cheating on his wife too, but like, the reason John picked him was that!!! HE THOUGHT!! GORDON SOUNDED TOO COLD WHEN HE TOLD HIM HE HAD CANCER I FUCKING HATE JOHN KRAMER SO MUCH. John Kramer really will see someone smile not as big a smile as he thought they should have given him and be like: “Yo, is anyone going to corkscrew their eyeballs off?” and not even wait for an answer. I fuuuuukning hate him. And that little shitface thought it was somehow chill to order someone else to kill Gordon’s wife and eight year old child who had done JACK SHIT wrong ever if Gordon wasn’t willing to brutally murder a kid in his early 20s who had done nothing wrong????! WHAT THE FUCK. Mr. KRamer.. QUICK QUESTION. WHAT. THE. FUCK. You self-righteous, self-centered, pretentious, pettyass, sadistic motherfucking goddamn worthless excuse for anything!

In five he’s finally dead so I can : ) once. BUT HE STILL FUCKS UP SHIT FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE. SO I’m STILL MAD. All the people Hoffman kills are ppl John told him to, so HE STILL MOTHERFUKIN RESPONSIBLE. In 5 it’s a bunch of people responsible kind of for deaths of people in a low-income neighborhood. One guy was paid to torch an abandoned building, and eight people died in the fire, but he didn’t know anyone was there and feels terrible. He thought it was vacant, it was just arson. Another is a journalist who found out about the arson, and didn’t break the story bc guy 1’s father bribed him. There’s a fire inspector who learned the truth and was bribed by the guy’s dad not to tell too. A city planner who was bribed into selling permits for the land. And Brit, who was the girl who paid for the arson, bc she wanted to make an apartment complex, and maybe actually knew about the 8 people and might have deserved some real payback–it’s unclear???? Regardless. I want to add that the cops had been investigating, had a strong case, and were about to arrest them and hold these people accountable in a legal manner, which John knew bc HOFFMAN WAS IN HIS POCKET, and John so hated the idea of them facing justice justice, he kidnapped them. The fire inspector got dragged into saw blades by her throat and torn apart, the journalist died to a nail bomb, and the city planner got electrocuted in a bathtub. The two who made it had their arms split down the middle up to the elbow to let enough blood out to save them. I cannot. Just.

Anyway. In six, again at DEAD JOHN WHO WON”T QUIT FUCKING EVERYTHING UP’s request, a ‘game’ is played and William Easton (one of my fave protagonists bc he’s a piece of shit but damn if he didn’t have a real glow up in forty-five minutes) is thrown into a hell circuit.

And so, undeservingly, is like, EVERYONE he fucking knows! His janitor Hank is first up. Target for…what was it? OHhhhhh right. He smokes. That was why. That makes so much sense john I’m sorry I doubted you PSYCH I CAN"T EVEN SAY IT AS A JOKE I JUST THREW UP A LITTLE IN MY MOUTH JOHN QUICK Q? WHAT THE FUCK? oh wait it’s because your an ABSOLUTE BASTARD. You would think I would get desensitized but no. It just. It’s fuel on the flame of my rage.

William Easton and the janitor, Hank, are hooked into something that slowly tightens and crushes their ribs any time they take a breath, and whoever doesn’t die first gets to live, and poor goddamn Hank smoked so ofc he can’t outlast a healthy dude in his 30s and John crushes his ribs just to make William watch someone die. Then he makes William pick which of two people to save in trial 2. MEANING HE GODDAMN STRAIGHT UP KIDNAPPED THESE TWO TOTALLY FINE WITH EITHER DYING, IN FACT WITH THE SOUL PURPOSE BEING TO DIE bc who cares about them right John? You fucking pretentious self-righteous creep! I have a year of the Pig teddy bear I named after Peter Strahm JUST for the FUCKING satisfaction of knowing John would hate that bc he was so into year of the motherfucking pig. ANyway. Plot again. Poor file clerk at Williams firm and the poor secretary are the two targets, and literally they did jack shit!!! They work for shitty lawyers but all they do is clock in to a 9-5 and file shit!! They are literally just there to rub it in William’s face that insurance policies aren’t fair bc according to them, one of the humans is worth more than the other bc health and age, but uuuuh oohhh William the older one with health issues is p hard to kill face to face bc you know her and she has kids and the young healthy man in his early 20s family is dead and he doesn’t have friends which means according to John he is worth less bc JOHN DOES THINK YOU CAN CHOOSE BETWEEN LIVES and all of this is here just bc John somehow thought it would be fun to fucking WIN A GODDAMN “I’M RIGHT” ARGUMENT WITH A LAWYER at the expense of brutally hanging a human being with barbed wire!!!

Sidebar–if John Kramer was a real human being, I would go yearly on a fucking pilgrimage to his grave just to SPIT on his stupid corpse. I HATE HIM SO MUCH.

K so young man dies. Then test 3 his attorney dies too, I don’t know much about her, except she is just there to make William feel like shit and they were into each other, and she tries to kill William after he gets hurt trying to save her bc he has the key to her trap in his stomach or chest idr, but she doesn’t get the key in time and dies, and then test 4 he finds his associates strapped to a carousel with a shotgun that picks one at random and blows off their head, and has to let all but two of them get gunned down and choose which two not to kill. And again, they’re kind of shittyass lawyers, but uh. Yeah. To save two, he has to let this huge piece of metal rip through his hand, but William does it and destroys his hand to save the two he can, and suffers picking while they all beg him to pick them bc John wanted to see him suffer picking between human lives again because he’s a goddam self-centered stuck up jerk who vales human life less then admiring his ugly ass dick in the mirror every day and pretending he’s a member of Mensa, the evil utterly irredeemable sack of shit. Anyway, at the end, William has never had a chance to live or die at all! And John was literally just torturing him for fun and killed /all/ those people not even for a test for William but /solely/ to make him suffer bc human lives DON"T MATTER ONE FUCKING IOTA to JOHN SHITASS KRAMER. WHO JUST WANTED TO WIN. AN INTELLECTUAL ARGUMENT. POST-MORTEM. BECAUSE he’s THAT kind of shittyass, pretentious, sanctimonious, better than thou, always right, incapable of wrong, smartest fucking asshole in the room man!!! I bet he doesn’t ever wash his hands when he takes a piss! I KNOW IT! FUCK John Kramer!

ANd OH! William gets killed by a kid who hates him bc he turned down their father’s insurance policy fraudulently, knowing he would die of an illness without the money. BC William was terrible. Which is /so/ great for that fucking teenager! Killing someone horribly with acid while you watch them die and their body be melted! And they beg you not to do it and apologize on the other side of bars, already beat to shit, and plead for forgiveness, and your mom begs you not to, and the dude’s sister sobs and begs you not to!!! SO GOOD! Way to go john you FUCKING CUNT, they definitely value their lives now you goddamn motherfucking souless sack of shit!

I-I don’t even have the energy to do the other Saw movies or go back over the other victims in Saw one WHO DID NOTHING WRONG. John just hated them!!! BC HIS WIFE KNEW THEM! In most cases! John just fucking hates drug addicts! OK u know what here’s the short version even if I can’t do them justice rn bc I’m pissed!!! One guy got sliced to death on razor wire for cutting when he was depressed bc John is a piece of shit, one got burned to death after walking on glass for hours bc John doesn’t believe in invisible illnesses and if you’re walking you must be healthy, oh yeah! And the fucking dude Amanda killed in her first trial was just a drug addict! Going to a recovery clinic! He never had a chance to live on his own bc the only choice was if Amanda would cut open his intestines and sift through him for a key while he was awake but too drugged to move or not, and she did! Didn’t even get to plead for his life! ANyway!!!! Fucking as far as I can tell all Zep did was work at the goddamn hospital! He WENT OUT OF HIS WAY TO BE NICE TO JOHN and told other people he was a cool dude!!! He was just a janitor!!! WHAT THE FUCK???

I just. God. I hate everything about John Kramer. The way he talks makes me so LIVID I change color like a goddamned chameleon. He is so ready to argue his stupid shitty fucking ethics with anyone who breathes in a ten mile radius. Shithead John over here will strap you to a table and make you listen to him talk about how it’s not his fault he poisoned two people and gave them one antidote and a bunch of knives and one of them came out dead, and his hands are clean and people don’t value their lives so they should die while he watches eating fucking cereal I am just–I am so glad John has cancer? Like, the idea of Saw sans John having cancer is unbearable, because I am so afraid the writers would never let him die and we would never be free of the human cancer that is John. The only human being on the planet that has ever been able to make me root for the cancer. But boy in that one and only regard, John is special.

I hate him so much it is unbelievable. Like. I can’t even put it into words. THe pure, unbridled fury I feel when I hear John say, “D’oh ho ho, but I, with these two little handies of mine, hath never pulled the gun’s trigger! Got you there! Where is your science! Where is your god! I am no murderer! I heal people! By sawing off their faces! You just do not understand, oh poor unenlightened human that you are. May you be strapped to a machete car and blessed with my wisdom 😔” I absolutely lose control of 90% of normal human functionality, and all that I have left is righteous justice and bloodlust. It’s unbelievable.

Whichever one of you god-mode-brain peeps made that post saying Eric Matthews had the hardest test in the whole Saw franchise because he had to sit and listen to John Kramer talk for two hours was a GODDAMNED HERO and if you contact me and prove the tumblr account is yours I will paypal you ten dollars and a personalized note thanking you for the joy that gave me because I just really hate John Kramer that FUCKING MUCH. I would cut off my own toes to be able to have something to shove down John Kramer’s throat to make him stop. talking.

There are a lot of things in this world I hate bc I hate things that are unjust, but I hate absolutely nothing more in the universe than a villain who is a self-righteous, hypocritical asshole who won’t even admit that what they are doing is wrong and parades as the tragic genius hero despite knowing GODDAMN well that they are a petty, shitty, hypocritical, absolute fucking MONSTER with no redeemable qualities or capacity for love. And John Kramer is at least my second least favorite character in the history of ANYTHING. Maybe my first. I’m not even sure anymore! Nasty-ass, evil, pretentious, self-righteous, shortsighted, selfish, sadistic, voyeuristic, willfully ignorant, crusty ass useless soulless garbage little SHIT.

#ask #anonymous #John Kramer #Jigsaw #long post #Saw #Saw II #Saw III #Saw IV #Saw V #Saw VI

7 notes · View notes

spideyspence · 5 years

Text

when it feels like this (i’m all you want) ; tom holland

hello this is the second part to ‘in my head’ so i’d recommend you read that first.

i hope y’all enjoy and the third part (last part) will be coming soon. (and again thanks to joc for proof reading)

Tom and you hadn’t spoken about that night. You both ignored it and didn’t bring it up. It wasn’t going to happen again so there was no point in bringing it up any more.

It happened a week ago, if you didn’t bring it up then, then you were never going to talk about it.

You didn’t talk for a couple of days but when you had a big dinner with your friends (including Tom and his friends), everything seemed to fall back in place. There wasn’t an awkwardness between you, you were back to being friends.

That was Wednesday last week, and now you’ve hung out with Tom many times, just one on one. Binge watching a new TV show on Netflix you both wanted to watch and after 7 hours scrolling on your phones trying to find out about if the show was renewed for a second season. You both cooked in the kitchen but some nights ordered take out.

It was nice to have a normal friendship with Tom again, but every time you were with him there was still a pull in your gut.

This time you weren’t drinking. The whole friendship group was over at Harrison and Tom’s place and everyone had drinks in their hand while sitting on the floor, other than you and Tom.

You weren’t too sure on why Tom wasn’t drinking but it wasn’t any of your business. Maybe he had to get up early the next morning, but it was a Friday night?

As you all sat around laughing at one another’s stupid jokes and mistakes of the week, you could tell that Tom was off. He wasn’t as lively as he normally was. It was like he was zoning out and couldn’t focus on the situation in front of him, which didn’t make sense. He was always the one who would provide the most energy in the room and always get the conversation going, but now, he wasn’t radiating the same.

He excused himself from the group and pulled his phone out of his pocket as he walked out the room and down the hallway. You worried about your best friend, that’s why you followed him down the hall a little while later because he was gone for five minutes, and down that hallway was just a sitting room and the front door.

You peered into the sitting room to not see anyone sitting in the dark but when you opened the front door you saw Tom seated on the ground on the porch.

‘You alright?’ You asked the brown-haired boy as you slide down the wall and sat next to him.

‘Yeah I guess so,’ he said slowly.

‘I just have some stuff on my mind and it’s kind of eating away at me.’

‘You want to talk about it all?’ You offered as you turned your body to face your best friend with your legs crossed.

‘It’s complicated and I don’t even know how to explain it, but it’s just consuming me you know? Like sometimes I’m all good but then I’ll be lying in bed and I just feel it coming up my throat and my mind then just focuses on it and then I lie awake for three more hours not being able to sleep.’ Tom explains.

You could tell whatever the issue was, it was really was affecting him. He was the kind of guy who wouldn’t let things get to him, he let that habit leave him when he turned 18. He was always open to talking, but you were worried at how closed off he was.

You weren’t meaning to be nosy, you just didn’t want your best friend feeling this way. You didn’t want him to experience that feeling because you know it all too well-

And with that thought you realised that that was how you were feeling, except you buried it.

It’s how you still felt about Tom.

You think back to the past two weeks since that night and you think of the last time you had a night to yourself.

You hadn’t. You were always doing something. Whether it was learning something new, hanging out with friends, cleaning your place, you didn’t let yourself think. You were occupied until you fell asleep, staying on your phone until it slipped out of your hand when you fell asleep, your screen still on.

You knew that this wasn’t the same thing for Tom. He was the one that ended things, so he knew that it was over.

‘I know how you feel. Are you sure you don’t have anyone to talk to about it? What about Haz? Jacob?’ You ask, not wanting him to keep this bit of information just for him before it literally swallows him whole.

‘Nah they’ll make fun of me. Okay,’ He says and takes a deep breathe.

‘I trust you with this, and you’ll probably give good advice for this.’

Tom tells you about his date from that night, and how he’s talked to her, but he doesn’t know how to feel. He really likes her, he doesn’t know if she likes him back. He’s getting mixed signals, but he just wants her to tell him straight up how he feels but he’s too nervous too, in fear that how she’s feeling isn’t the same as Tom’s.

You hated that what he was saying was how you felt to him.

“I’ve been there before don’t worry.’ You softly smile to reassure Tom.

It was weird because this was the first time either of you had mentioned that night in general. You wanted to ask because it could have been on topic, but you didn’t want to ruin the comfort of this situation.

‘Don’t be scared about it okay. If she doesn’t like you back, then you two are just not for one another and it’s alright because there’s always someone out there for you. Don’t stress about this, you’re Tom Holland. You shoot pretend webs out of your Spider-Man suit for a living, you’re unstoppable.’ You laugh. You wanted to keep it light-hearted as best you could so that bit of sadness in the bottom of your stomach didn’t rise up.

Tom rests his head on your shoulder and looks up at the sky with the stars glowing but the city lights also interrupting the natural glow. It isn’t silent, it never is here in London. You can hear cars beeping in the distance, but you rest your head on top of Tom’s and breathe in.

‘I’m always glad I moved to London you know. I love it here, sometimes more than I love home. Don’t tell my Mum I said that though.’ You say out loud, not necessarily directed at Tom, but you just wanted to voice it.

Tom chuckled but he didn’t say anything. It was a comfortable silence, something that you both always valued.

You felt Tom move his head, so you lifted yours and looked at him as he sat up straight only for him to turn his head and look at you.

You knew how this kind of thing went in movies and stories. You prayed that Tom could hear your heart rate increasing and it seeming to be louder than usual.

God, you wanted to kiss him, but you didn’t either. You didn’t want a repeat of that night but neither of you were intoxicated, so it wouldn’t happen. You didn’t want to let your guard down again because you were only just holding yourself together.

Tom made the first move and leant in. You felt his lips touch yours and it felt like home. You didn’t think, you just did. Your body fell back into its old ways and how relaxed it felt with Tom when you were together. You felt Tom place his hands on your hips and pick you up and place you on his lap, your kiss never breaking. It wasn’t hot and needy, it was slow and soft. It almost felt like this moment was in slow motion, until you pulled okay.

‘No, w-we can’t do this okay. You like someone else and we can’t just randomly kiss after we haven’t even talked about what happened that night two weeks ago. We slept with each other and we haven’t said a word about it okay. I don’t know why we slept with each other nor why we just freaking kissed, but we can’t okay.’ You rant as you stand up and try to gather yourself.

‘I’m sorry just, why haven’t we talked about it?’ You questioned Tom in a soft voice. There was almost a plead in your tone, but you just wanted answers.

‘I don’t know. I guess we just never really brought it up. Maybe we were avoiding it without even realising? We were just waiting for the other to bring it up first?’ Tom said. His voice was soft as well, but you searched for the undertone of something that would tell you that he still had feelings for you, but you couldn’t find it.

‘Anyway, I’m just gonna voice how I feel. I think it was a mistake and lets just move on from everything. Okay, go text her. Go text your date and find out how she feels about you.’ You said. Every word that came out of your mouth was hurting you. It was like that pit of sadness sitting in your stomach was hacking at your walls with an ice pick.

‘Okay. Now that’s sorted. Now we can move on.’ Tom said, only looking up to you now.

‘I’ve gotta go, I have an early morning tomorrow.’ You smiled weakly, lying to Tom.

‘All good. I’ll see you whenever?’ Tom said, hope in his voice.

‘Yeah of course.’

You walked back into the apartment, said goodbye to everyone, kissing everyone on the head like the motherly friend you are and grabbed your coat and bag and left the house.

Your home was only a few blocks away and as you were walking home, you felt your phone buzz and you looked down to see a text from Tom.

‘Sorry’ it said.

You replied back with a ‘you have nothing to be sorry for mate. Now go get her.’

Your message came across a lot happier than how you actually felt.

But that was something you were used to.

Now it’s time for you to officially get over Tom, like he’s gotten over you.

Tom walked back into his place and into the room where all of his friends were.

‘How’d it go man?’ Harrison asked/

‘Did you tell her? Did you tell her? Did you tell her?’ He nagged as he poked Tom with his elbow.

Everyone was looking at Tom, waiting to hear what had happened.

‘Yeah, I kind of told her.’ Tom said looking down at his hands, fiddling.

‘Well how did it go?’ Zendaya asked.

His friends all being in an intoxicated state allowed them to all believe the best of the best.

Y/N and Tom were meant to be, right from the start. Everyone knew it. They could see it.

‘She doesn’t feel the same anymore. Y/N has moved on.’

#tom holland #tom holland fanfic #tom holland imagine #marvel #marvel imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #peter parker #spider-man

21 notes · View notes

fandomfuryy · 7 years

Text

Cipher Sibling AU: Chapter 1

I have finally decided to share my Cipher Sibling AU with y’all! But since I don’t want to be annoying towards those who have no interest in it, imma put

There! (You should see the “Keep reading” thing. If you did not, sorry for this long post ur gonna have to scroll down)

If you clicked on it, thank you for the interest. I’m not gonna rant too much, just give the basic info of this AU.

So my AU is taking place in the past before Stanford ever came to Gravity Falls. It will continue into the future after Bill was frozen. I’ll let you know whether it is past or future/present. In this AU, as the title implies, it will have Bill’s siblings, Will and Kill. I dd not make these characters, I am simply using them in my own way. If you know who made them let me know:)

Now onto the story!

△Chapter One: The First Rule Breaker△

Past

“Hey, Will! Guess what!” Bill pops up behind him.

“What?” Will turns to look at him curiously.

“I just found out why obtuse triangles are always upset,” Bill says, trying not to laugh.

“They are upset?? Oh no! Bill, why are they upset??” Will’s eye widens.

Bill, Will, and Kill are beings of energy and could take on any form they choose. However, they have agreed upon a simple, triangular shape with one eye. Bill is yellow, Will is blue, and Kill is red.

“Because… THEY’RE NEVER RIGHT!!” Bill laughs at his own joke, while Will blinks.

“Don’t make fun of people for being wrong, Bill! That’s not nice!” Bill sees the tears welling up in Will’s eyes. Will can be so emotional about everything. He can’t even make a proper joke without Will getting offended.

“Bill!” Bill rolls his eye and turns to the third Cipher.

“Hey Kill guess what!”

“Why are you tormenting Will with your immature stories again?” He asks unimpressed.

“They’re jokes,” Bill mutters.

“Well they are childish. Look what you did, Will is crying now.” Kill gives him a disapproving glare, and then goes over to Will.

Kill is too overprotective of Will, Bill thinks. However, if anyone other than him or Kill hurts Will, Bill would definitely destroy them too if Kill hadn’t first.

Bill, Will, and Kill are the Cipher Siblings. They are also the most powerful beings in existence. If only they weren’t trapped in the Mindscape.

Ciphers have no gender. They are simply a Cipher. However, Bill prefers to use the he, his, him pronouns, as well as Kill and Will.

Bill is the Cipher of Chaos, or so his siblings say anyway. Despite being the same age, Bill is considered the youngest sibling, due to his actions. Personally, Bill thinks that Will should be considered youngest since he is the weakest.

Will is the Cipher of emotion. Unlike Bill and Kill, Will has feelings towards others, as well as pretty much anything. He cries way too much. I bet if I told him that, he would cry as a response. But Will isn’t always a crybaby. If nothing upsets him, he is usually a more quiet, kind being. Unusual for a Cipher.

And then there is Kill. Cipher of destruction. He is in charge. I’m not sure who decided that. Probably him. He is very sophisticated, the opposite of Bill. He may be Cipher of destruction, but he is very organized. He is no fun. Only rules and work, rules and work. All he cares about. However, something about Kill is… You don’t want to get on his bad side. Because if he hates you, chances are your life has come to an end.

But the best part about the Ciphers is that they are inseparable. They look out for each other no matter what, and together, they are the most powerful beings. Even alone, they are powerful.

The sad part is Kill and Will don’t even use their powers to the extent that they have. Only when necessary. Not like Bill. Bill likes to use his powers. He likes creating new things, testing his limits. He likes to be weird.

Bill looks out of their… home, He guesses would be the best word to describe to a human, and into the vast abyss that is the mindscape. It is infinite, like the universe. However with powers such as Bills, he can sense what is going on in every single part of it. The mindscape allows access to the dreams of humans in the 4th dimension. The real dimension. Bill has always wanted to visit. He has watched people’s dreams from afar, imagining what it would be like to control his own world, not just a dream the someone will wake up from and forget.

Although he technically controls the dreamscape with Will and Kill, they are never as fun and are always saying we don’t control the mindscape, we simply watch over it. We protect it.“

Pfft. Protect. I don’t want to protect it, Bill thinks. Bill wants to use his powers for actual meanings. Bill wants to test his limits, to create his world. Not protect other people’s worlds.

Bill decides to go alter people’s dreams again. It’s forbidden, but no one notices a few little changes every now and then, do they?

He transports himself into a new dream.

Like usual, it is a resident in Gravity Falls. Bill has felt drawn to this place even before it was given a name. Something about it… calls to him. People often dream about crazy things there, things they have seen, or thought they have seen. And for some reason, it uses less of Bill’s energy when altering dreams from Gravity Falls.

Bill is in a forest. A Gravity Falls forest. He’s seen many dreams with a setting in this forest. He looks around and sees a girl. The dreamer. Bill sits himself atop a tree branch and watches the scene.

Suddenly, a boy appears. Ugh, not another romance dream. These are boring. But hey, he loves seeing their faces when he makes the dream more interesting.

“Hey, I never thought I’d see you here,” the boy smiles at the girl. The girl’s name is Rosaline. Bill knows everything about her now that he has entered her personal dreamscape. He knows everything about everyone.

Yawn, Bill is getting bored. Time for some fun!

He watches as the boy leans in towards Rosaline, and suddenly backs away disguised as Rosalind’s teeth start falling out. She looks at the ground with her eyes wide, face horrified.She puts her hand through her hair, and it falls out too.

Bill laughs. He watches as the boy flickers out of the dream, and Rosaline is left alone. Bill likes to make weird things happen in peoples dreams, it spices up the mindscape life.

Usually, Bill stops here. He can’t do too many changes at once without Kill or Will sensing it. But strangely, he doesn’t stop this time. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t have a conscious. Maybe he is a conscious. Bill pops up beside Rosaline.

“Hi there!” Bill waves. He would have smiled too if he had a mouth.

“Who are you?” Rosaline looks up at Bill.

“I’m Bill. Now I noticed that you are having boy trouble, aren’t you?” He asks.

“Kinda. I really like this guy, his name is Max. But he never seems to notice me. And every time I’m about to talk to him, I get nervous. Even in my dream I scared him away! It’s like a bad omen,” she rants. “Wow I’m basically talking to myself, aren’t I? You’re me.”

“No, I’m Bill!” He says. “You are the first person I have met in a long time, Rosaline Harsley.”

“How do you know my name…?” She asks.

“Didn’t I tell you I know everything? Like you were born in Canada, moved to Gravity Falls with your family when you were four, and you are currently 17! ” Bill sits down and puts his hands at the back of his head. “So anyway, about your dilemma,”

Bill has no interest in this mortal’s love life, but he has never talked to someone from out of the mindscape in so long. He doesn’t want the conversation to end.

She seems confused as to how he knows so much about her. She probably thinks Bill is just another figment of her imagination in this dream.

Bill and Rosaline chat for a while, and Bill starts to wonder if Kill is going to kill him later. But he can't because the Ciphers have an equal amount of power! Ha.

“I just never know how to talk to him. It’s too bad you aren’t there, you seem to have the confidence to walk right up to him.” Rosaline says at some point.

Too bad you weren’t there,

The Cipher siblings have multiple rules, but one rule is the sacred, most important rule that can never be broken. Don’t make a deal with a human.

“Rosaline, maybe I could help you. If I were to… be with you, while you tried to talk to him, then wouldn’t that be so much easier?” I ask. She mustn’t have noticed the glint in Bill’s eye, or the way his voice grew more excited by the moment.

“Yeah, it would. Too bad it isn’t possible. Or is it?” She looks up at me.

Bill looks down at his now blue flame engulfed hand.

“All you have to do is shake my hand,”

Well this seems longer when I copy and paste it onto Tumblr. Anyways, I have this queued to post every Friday so the next chapter will be out then. So ya. Hope you liked it! If you did, let me know :)

Also I may have some information wrong, so if you’re going to correct me, please do so in a nice way. Thanks!

#bill cipher #bill cipher au #will cipher #kill cipher #gravity falls au #bill cipher fanfic #gravity falls bill #gravity falls fanfiction #my au #cipher siblings #cipher siblings AU #gravity falls

19 notes · View notes