#I had personal reason to not participate in that event in the end but I also decided I like this enough to post somewhere | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cryinginmyroomsposts · 9 months

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Dancing With Our Hands Tied

pairing: Hyunjin x fem!reader

tags: angst, fluff in ending, dancer Hyunjin, non-idol!au, college au, swearing

summary: Being in the coveted dance team of the university was no small feat. After being in the team for a whole year, you find yourself about to participate in a prestigious inter-college competition for Duet performance with none other than the college IT boy and dance team captain- Hyunjin. You'd spent one year suppressing your big fat crush on the charming boy, but now that you find yourself dancing in his arms, he just might paint you golden.

wordcount: 6.4k

Note: This can be read as a one-shot but I was kind of expanding on the universe from the Lee Know oneshot Mr Gorgeous.

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Let me know your thoughts and feedback.

It was a nice Sunday morning and like every college student, all you wanted to do was sleep in. But unlike every student, you’re part of the university dance team. From the outside looking in, it was the most glamorous group to be a part of. Being a part of the team inherently gave you the highest social status on campus. You got special exemptions from certain tests and even privileges for missing mandatory events.

Little did they know that all the shine comes with a mountain of hard work. Getting into the dance team itself was a major task lasting 5 entire rounds of selections in multiple genres, solo and group showcase. And once you make it, there is no room for complacency. The team did at least three performances a month- in-house and external. So the only constant in your lives was practice sessions, assignments and sleepless nights.

For being the most desired group on campus, the dance team never got the time to do any of the popular kid things, apart from the validation itself. Except for the dance team co-captain, of course. Hwang Hyunjin will not let busy schedules and tiring practices stop him from being the campus IT boy. Nobody, literally nobody, is privy to his charms.

Including you.

Despite a lifetime of training in dance, the primary reason you tried out for the dance team was Hyunjin. You still remember the goosebumps on your skin and the way your jaw was on the floor the entire time he was on stage. On the day of your freshman orientation a year ago, you had joined hundreds gathered in the amphitheatre to see the dance team perform. The then sophomore, Hyunjin along with his friend Lino (Lee Minho), had been the stars of the show. The entire team, including the charming ex-captain- Chris, were immaculate. The performance was so power-packed mixed with equal parts grace and emotions. While the boys had done a hip-hop rendition, the girls had taken a contemporary approach. The two eventually collided to meet in the modern-pop genre for the finale. You decided then to join the dance team, so you did a few months later.

Although you should’ve decided against harbouring a huge crush on said It-boy. In the first two shows after making the team, you were nothing but a blubbering mess. It took all of your conscious energy to not stammer every time he so much as looked at you. Ultimately, you mellowed down, or maybe the reality of seeing Hyunjin woo more than half the campus with his charms and leave a trail of broken hearts got to you.

You still respected him as a dancer, it’s hard not to when he oozes power, grace and sometimes the literal demon while dancing. His on-stage persona was almost entirely different from the idiot who runs around pissing off his Co-captain Minho, or constantly trying to borderline harass the newest and youngest addition to the team- Jeongin.

Your phone alarm starts ringing bringing you back to reality- Sunday morning rehearsal. You silence it before it disturbs your roommates’ precious sleep. Trying your best to tiptoe your way around the dorm room, getting ready and after grabbing a granola bar from your desk, you make your way to the practice room.

On the way you meet your favourite person on the team- Felix (truth be told he’s everyone’s favourite).

“Hii Y/n.” He waves furiously giggling as he walks up to you.

“Hi Felix” you giggle back, simply because it’s impossible not to get affected by his infectious joy.

“How are you so cheerful at 6:30 AM?” You ask as he gives you a side hug. He just shrugs and skips alongside you to the practice room. You let out a little laugh at the little ball of sunshine that is Felix as he starts animatedly telling you random stories.

The practice room is in shambles. You and Felix exchange a flabbergasted look at each other and look around the room again. Everyone is crowded in the centre and talking over one another.

“Y/N! Come here. Fast.” You hear your Sumi, your teammate, call from somewhere amidst the chaos. When the team starts noticing you enter the room, they fall silent. They move back from crowding in the centre and you realise all eyes are switching between you and Sumi who is holding a paper in her hands.

“What’s going on?”

Sumi gulps and hands over the paper to you.

Inter-College Dance Competition Category: Duet Participants: Hyunjin and Y/N

Shit. Holy shit.

“Morning guys.”

The voice startled you. You whip your head to see Hyunjin enter the room, his duffel bag on his shoulder, clothes crumpled, and hair in a messy bun. Yet he looked ethereal.

He looks at you and smiles. “Oh Y/n, you’ve heard the news. Good, we can get down to the details then.”

Details? What details? Oh, right dance.

“Uh-huh. Yeah. Sure.” You finally manage with a nod.

“Alright guys let's start, we’ll do a couple run-throughs till noon, take a break and convene here at 4:30pm to get ready for the show. Finally, we go up there and rock the crowd. Sound like a plan?”

Everyone cheers and you nod, still processing the fact that you had been chosen to dance a duet with Hyunjin. Not just any performance but the biggest inter-college competition in the state. With Hyunjin. A duet. You. And Hyunjin. Good god it’s going to be a ride.

The team goes into a practised routine of rehearsals, chaos, more rehearsals and even more chaos.

At 1 PM you’re glad you can finally rest for a few hours before the performance. The evening rolls in, and you head to the green room. One by one, the girls start getting ready and the green room is already chaotic but becomes a full-blown circus once the boys crowd in.

From your place, you watch as Hyunjin hugs Jeongin so tight that the poor junior looks like he could die. Lino is sitting in his favourite corner (he has one everywhere he goes), cuddled up with his girlfriend- man has been the biggest simp since they got together a month ago. Felix is going around giving everyone motivation and cheering them up- typical Felix. He hugs you so tight and warm, you can feel the nerves physically leave you. Then there’s Yeji and Lia, discussing choreo parts with Sumi and others. The air in here is infectious, everyone is equal parts excited and nervous.

The performance goes by in a whizz, the adrenaline rushing through your entire body as you stand on stage witnessing your friends, classmates, seniors and juniors in the crowds enjoying the performance.

You feel alive.

Afterwards, you change out of the costume into your sweats and meet all your classmates who had come backstage to support you. The gratitude that fills your chest leaves you emotional.

You give Jeongin a tight hug, congratulating him on his official performance as part of the team. Even if he hates the hug, he gracefully accepts it and smiles wide. You were very entirely endeared by his cuteness- everyone was. Specifically his super fan Hyunjin.

Think of the devil and watch as he walks to where you and Jeongin are. Even though you squished down your tiny crush, you've always felt nervous around him- simply because he is Hwang Hyunjin. Now the impending performance and the sheer idea of having to spend weeks practising with Hyunjin- one on one, is doing no help to your nerves.

"Jeonginahhhhh," he squeals and you step back as he hugs the younger member. Jeongin tries his best to smile and endure it but fails, making you crack up.

"Hi Y/N," Hyunjin says, finally letting the younger one go free finally and turning to you.

"Hey, Hyunjin. Amazing performance." You manage to say, trying to keep your nerves at bay.

"Thanks. You did well too." He flashes his smile, his fringe falling to his face and his eye twinkling as his cheeks light up.

There goes any attempt of calming your nerves.

Hyunjin continues to shower Jeongin with compliments, rightfully so, and you watch how he looks carefree and young as the latter is glowing in pride and embarrassment.

Right as you turn to take your leave, Hyujin calls your name.

"Yeah?"

"We need to discuss the performance, when can we meet about that?"

The frown on your face turns up before you realise it and he laughs.

"I get it. I need a break too. Maybe we can meet on Friday evening?"

"Yeah, sure. That works for me."

"It's a date."

A what?

But before you can mull over what he meant, your friends drag you out of the green room to celebrate. You were glad for the welcome distraction. Especially watching Seungmin and Yumi constantly fight over everything as you and Jisung sit there laughing at their antics.

----------

"Y/n, You can do this! It is just dancing. You've been doing this your whole life. Well, not dancing with Hyunjin, but the semantics don't matter. You can still do this. It is just called a duet, maybe the two of you will not even be on stage at the same time. Hyunjin is a busy guy, he might just ask you to do your own choreo for your part. Y/n, I know you're gonna sla-"

"Y/n, I will MURDER you if you don't get out of the bathroom right fucking now."

Yumi's voice breaks you out of the pep-talk you were giving yourself in the bathroom mirror. You give yourself one final thumbs up and head out to see a fuming Yumi standing on the other side.

She grunts like a wounded dog and you giggle as you hug her in apology.

"Sorry. Anyways, I'm heading out now. Haffun." You pick up your bags and start walking toward the dorm room door.

"I will. All the best for your meeting. And Y/n?" You hum looking at her.

"It'll be alright, don't stress out too much." You nod appreciatively and wave as you head out.

The whole way to the practice room, you keep repeating the pep-talk to yourself. You've spent a good amount of time in the last four days telling yourself that the date comment is just a habit for the pro-charmer Hyunjin and it means nothing. You might've also spent a good few hours warning yourself not to develop any embarrassing feelings for him.

When you enter the practice room, you see Hyunjin, Yeji and Minho sitting in a corner discussing something. As the only seniors in the group, they make all the logistical and creative decisions for the team. Minho spots you first, smiling politely and Yeji follows suit. Hyunjin nods in your direction as the three of them start to pack up.

Yeji and Minho make small talk with you before leaving and you're left alone with Hyunjin. He sits down in the centre of the room, in front of the full-length mirror, and ties his shoes as you walk toward him. He's in his usual sweats and hair tied in a half-up bun.

"Hi." You mutter as you sit down next to him.

"Hello. Had a nice break?" He smiles and you nod.

"Yeah, slept like a pig. What about you?"

"Meh, I mean I got a break from the dancing but still... senior year you know. I'm just perpetually tired." He does look tired and you nod sympathetically.

"Well, I'm sure you'll fare better than me as a senior next year." He says with a smile, sounding sincere and it takes everything in you not to blush.

So much for no embarrassing feelings.

"Oh, sure. Don't downplay your achievements. No one could lead this team the way you do." You were speaking the facts but seeing him smile wide and bright made your stomach flip.

"Aye you don't need to butter me up anymore, you got the part in the biggest competition now."

"Hey, I wasn't trying to butter you up." You feign mock offence.

"Okay, I believe you. Anyway, let's start with the concept."

Please say anything except sexy or love.

"So the concept is love- more like finding your way back to love. So I thought we would do something where estranged exes find their way back to each other kind of."

Big time fuck.

You nod and smile as you process his words and what this might mean for said embarrassing feelings (which you will not harbour). You decide to be a professional and only focus on dancing.

"Yeah, that sounds cool. Do you have any choreo already planned?"

"Yeah." He pulls up his laptop from his bag and shows a video. Hyunjin and Yeji are dancing in the video, the dance is… touchy to say the least. You refuse to acknowledge the churning in your stomach as you see the two of them dance closely.

The dance is split into three parts- starting with solos expressing the regret and anger that both parties have, proceeding to a mirroring sequence where their anguish aligns and finally, the slow dance symbolising the happy ending.

Once the dance ends you stare at the blank screen for a minute before turning to see that Hyunjin is expectantly staring at you.

“So?” He asks with raised eyebrows and a small smile playing on his lips.

“Umm it’s amazing. As usual.” He smiles and waves away the compliment.

“I have one doubt though, why didn’t Yeji and you perform this?” Your voice comes out low and quiet. A part of you hopes your question doesn't make him rethink and choose Yeji instead- for dance, of course.

He shakes his head sidewise, a shy smile on his face. "It didn't feel right."

"Oh."

"Alright, so I can start teaching you the common parts and we can modify according to our needs as we go. I'll leave the solo to you. Okay?"

"Yeah cool."

Lord knows how this is going to end.

----------

"Hyunjin, let's do this once more and then we'll move on to the next part." You reprimand a whining Hyunjin, lying face-first on the practice room floor. It's the fourth day of practice sessions and both of you are running out of fuel quickly.

"Y/n, you're doing good. Let's just take a break and start with the slow dance part." He whines turning to face you with a pout.

You want to give in to his antics but you hold your stand. Partly because it is a mirroring dance and you desperately want to be completely in sync with Hyunjin (the man dances like he is the god of dance). Another part because you wanted to delay the thought of starting the next section of the performance because the thought of being close to Hyunjin and doing the slow-contemporary dance section made your legs turn to slime.

"No. I just want to perfect this. Just onceeee. Then we can take a break, and start the- the other part." You flash him your best puppy-dog face and he sighs as he gets up from the floor.

"Alright let's do this but I don't know what you are worrying about, you're perfect already."

Cue embarrassing butterflies and feelings you definitely do not feel.

And like clockwork, the two of you start moving according to the beat. You had watched Hyunjin's every minuscule movement and so had he. Now you are in so much sync that the perfectionist in both of you is almost entirely satiated.

"Okay... that was brilliant Y/n. Please let's take a break and start learning the next part." He says taking deep breaths and chugging water. You can barely nod as you catch your breath.

The next hour is spent eating the dinner you ordered a while back, reviewing the latest run and the choreography video.

"What are you thinking for the solo part?" He asks between bites and you have to admit he looks cute with his cheeks filled as he chews and frowns as he enjoys the food.

"I'm thinking of sticking to my roots- just contemporary."

"Oh that's good. You're good at contemporary."

"I- Thanks." He smiles.

"You should do something similar to your audition performance."

You nod involuntarily and then his words sink in. "You remember that?"

"Yeah, I do. It was an amazing performance Y/N. I'm sure everyone remembers it." You scoff and he raises an eyebrow.

"Minho asked me if I am new, last month."

He laughs. "No no, that's just his messed up humour sense. But anyways, I speak for myself when I say it's hard to forget such a good performance. And you."

You end up swallowing a big bite of your burger and start to choke as he just smiles and hands you the water bottle. Before you can say anything, he is up for the next part.

It starts fine, the two of you slowly moving toward each other with each step- from mirroring each other to reaching out. Then comes the trickier part. It starts with your hands brushing, the two of you circling around the other, looking into each other. Obviously, you look anywhere but his face. Because staring into those eyes will not do anything good for you. He doesn't say anything if he notices the little flinches or lack of eye contact.

The two of you keep practising the moves over and over until both of you are satisfied with the flow. Now it is becoming increasingly hard for you to focus on these details. Especially considering how your heart is beating in your ears with every step the two of you take.

He needs to hold your hand and move it in a curve while his other hand is on your hip. And it gets worse, as the following step requires you to turn and face him, your hands on his neck, his on your hips as you bend away and come back to his embrace. He suggests going over each movement slowly and it worsens your plight. You hear his voice from a distance as you do your best not to stare at his lips that are inches away. You can see that he is saying something and you find yourself nodding along. You do the step according to his counts and return to his embrace.

This is when you do the mistake of looking up at his face, he is staring down at you too. You see the black fringes that have escaped the bun, sticking to the corners of his face. His forehead is lined with beads of sweat, thin darkened eyes, and plump lips slightly apart. The clock ticks somewhere but neither of you seems to realise, until eventually, you snap back into sense- the inherent panic of feelings stirring in your stomach.

You step back and look at your feet, he stays still and starts fidgeting with his hands.

"I- Um... It's almost 10. I- I should head back." You stammer, slowly looking at him. He looks at you for a second and nods. You nod and start collecting your things.

"Do you want me to walk you back?" And thud goes your water bottle, slipping from your hands- entirely due to your clumsiness and nothing to do with butterflies, of course.

"Uh no not necessary. It's just a 5 min walk." You hope he looks disappointed but hope is a dangerous game for a fool trying to live in denial.

"Ok. Bye." He turns to his bag before you can say your bye and that's that.

------

"Two days. That's all we have for the performance! And this is when Hyunjin decides he can just go galivanting about and not show up to practice." You groan to yourself, standing in front of the full-length mirror in the practice room.

The last two weeks of practice have been a lot less eventful compared to the first. After the first day of doing the slow dance, things shifted between Hyunjin and you. Both of you became more distant and closer, at the same time. Some days you bickered like childhood besties, and on others, both of you walked around each other on eggshells. He often showed up to morning practice with crumpled clothes and messed up hair and your heart would drop to your stomach realising he must've spent the night with someone else. You would immediately reprimand yourself for making assumptions just to get your feelings in check.

And yet here you were, mind running in a million different directions as you figure he could be with anybody right now, while you sit in the musty old practice room at 7pm on a Saturday evening. These thoughts never helped, so you resort to your comfort zone- dancing.

And for the third time that evening, you go over your solo part and the rest of the dance. You are tired of dancing the same things so you start freestyling to your favourite tracks. Dancing always made you feel good, especially when you poured all your emotions out through your body. You lost yourself to the song, letting the beat and your body carry you away.

That's how you fail to notice Hyunjin's arrival until you get startled by the loud claps coming from the door. You whip your head around to see him standing with his go-to sweatshirt, duffel bag and hair in a bun. He is smiling wide, the kind that made his eyes small and cheeks full.

"Y/N, that was sooo goood. I've never seen you move like that till now. That was amazing, really!"

This boy made it so hard to live in denial with his charm, kind words and that smile. And that's why you can do nothing but smile and giggle like a little girl as you mutter a small thanks.

"Sorry, I got caught up in work. Have you been waiting long?" You watch as he puts his bag down and starts stretching and you see that his sweatshirt is inside out, and his hair is messier than you've ever seen. Here's the thing about this boy- he goes around breaking hearts without intending to. And here's the thing about unrequited crushes- you become somewhat of an Agatha Christie, just connecting all the randomest dots just to make up reasons to let your heart down again, it's almost a masochistic need. Logically, you knew better than to assume messy clothes meant anything of significance. But as a woman on a mission to prevent herself from falling deeper, you would grip onto anything that provides an anchor for your heart- even if it means you end up breaking your heart anyway.

And which is why you blurt out, "Why do you care if I wait... I'm sure you have better people to attend to anyway."

The piercing tone of your voice makes Hyunjin stop in his tracks and look at you through the mirror. The room is dead silent as you pick apart the skin in your cuticles in an attempt to keep the tears from falling and your heart from breaking further. Maybe it was the exhaustion, the all too familiar feeling of heartache that comes with unrequited love, but the shell you had so carefully maintained had come crashing down.

"Wha- What are you saying?" His voice comes soft and nervous. You do the mistake of looking up, through the mirror. You scoff and swallow the tears back, "No, nothing. I just- forget it. Let's practice."

"Are you sure? You just said something abou-"

"Can we just practice once and get over with this. I'm exhausted." You snap.

He just nods and proceeds to start the music. You don't look at him, not even during the mirroring sequence, he huffs a little too loudly at that. The run-through itself goes smoothly, until the last sequence. It's hard to do a romantic slow dance when you refuse to meet his eyes and keep flinching every time he touches you. Still, both of you push through. You get out of his clutches the second the song ends and start to pack your things.

"Y/N, why are you already packing?"

This boy makes it very hard not to get unreasonably angry at him because he doesn't let you hate him.

"It's almost 9 pm Hyunijn. I have been here since 6, I'm tired." He just nods and stays silent. You gather your things, throw your bag on your shoulder and leave. If he realises that this is the first time in two weeks you didn't wave or say bye enthusiastically like you usually do, he doesn't show it. If he realises that this is the first time in two weeks that he hasn't asked to walk you back to your dorm and you refused the offer like you usually do, he doesn't show it. The walk back to the dorm feels a lot heavier for the first time.

The next day is nothing short of a struggle, your eyes burning due to the incessant crying from the previous night, mind spinning everywhere and body weak. You were ashamed to have let your feelings mess you up so bad. Usually, you'd be extra careful to eat more and rest well during practice and performance times. This is probably the first time that you show up to the dress rehearsal with big bags beneath your eyes and feeling like a mess. It's not your first unrequited heartbreak, just the first time it feels this heavy and lonely.

The rehearsal is sullen- neither you nor Hyunjin makes any effort to talk. The tension in the air gets to the audiences for the day- Minho, Felix and Yeji. They exchange looks and try their best to engage both of you in some kind of conversation- it doesn't work. You put on the outfit and it makes you look decent despite your haggard state. The salt in the wound is how gorgeous Hyunjin looks in his outfit- not surprising, but still annoying considering he walked in looking downright homeless and sleep-deprived. The outfit doesn't hide the state of his face, yet he looks gorgeous. A week earlier both of you had been so excited to see the outfits, you even had hopes of Hyunjin finally seeing what is in front of his eyes. Yeah, stupid embarrassing feelings.

There are two full run-throughs, and the emotions until the last part is so enthralling to the audience. The three watching can see the tension flash as the two of you do your best to avoid each other's eyes and finish the dance. They don't press much, you're thankful for that. Getting out of the outfit, ready to head back to the dorm, you step out of the door only to find Hyunjin standing there- back in his oversized sweatshirt, messy hair and sullen expression. He always looked a lot younger and innocent when he wasn't performing, and you liked that about him- until now.

"Y/N, can I walk you to your dorm?" His voice quivers and he looks like an actual wounded puppy.

"Not needed." You avoid his gaze to evade giving in and walk away before he can retaliate. You always refused his offer knowing it was just another steep step right into disaster- as if the one already caused wasn't enough. You've also seen him pull the same gentlemanly moves with girls and boys across the campus and watch the poor suckers fall for him only to get burnt. Even after trying your best, you got burnt, you didn't need more reason.

------

"Y/N, can we just talk once before going on stage please," Hyunjin begs from the driver's seat. He is driving the two of you to the competition and the minute you sit down he says this.

"Let's just go. I have a headache." It wasn't a lie, but it felt bad rejecting him that way. The rest of the drive is silent, save for the faint music coming from the radio- which was annoyingly filled with love songs. After an hour's drive, you both arrive at the location. the entire place is filled with students from multiple universities across the state, all excited and dressed up, except for the two of you. You hate yourself for making this hard for both of you, especially when he did nothing actually wrong.

Stupid feelings.

"Stop fidgeting with your nails." Hyunjin snaps at you. He is sitting next to you in the green room- looking ethereal with makeup and costume on.

"I'm trying." You grunt back. There are ten minutes left for the performance and both of you are getting increasingly agitated.

"I'll help," is all he says before taking your hand in his and caging it there as looks toward the side of the stage. You try to protest but he clutches your hand pretty firmly.

"I won't burn you, stop squirming." His words effectively shut you up. You try to numb the feelings arising from his touch. You almost manage to do it until you realise he is rubbing circles around your palm. You're simultaneously calming down and getting more worked up. But he does manage to distract you till it's go-time. He gives you a small genuine smile and you nod, almost letting the tears fall. His face deflates but he immediately collects himself and goes into performance mode.

The music begins, you look out into the crowd, the nerves turn to excitement, and you feel alive. Hyunjin's solo leaves the crowd in awe. The audience goes wild during the mirroring sequence. But all the sound starts draining out as you move closer to him. You look at him, he looks at you, and your hands intertwine. The both of you move according to the beat- the only thing that exists right now is the music, Hyunjin and you. For the next minute he's yours and you're his. No one needs to know, the world could divide you later but for now, this was your sacred oasis.

A tear rolls down your cheek, and he reaches to brush it off in sync with the beat. His eyes sparkle, and there are a million emotions behind them. You want to hold on, you want to dance with him as long as you can. Both of you are in the tightest embrace you've ever been in, with shallow breaths, wet eyes and a big lump in your throat. The applause makes you break and look at the audience.

Neither of you speaks as you wait backstage for the last performance. You look everywhere but at him, trying to be as discreet as possible while rubbing the tears off your face. Eventually, all contestants are called up on stage. Hyunjin and you stand shoulder to shoulder, his palm brushing against yours but never reaching to hold on. The third and second places have been announced, the room is pulsing with tension and yet all you can think about is the man on your right.

You faintly hear your name, along with Hyunjin's, and it takes two seconds to realize that you've won the competition. What should've been the highest of highs of your life feels anti-climatic. You look up at him, both of you are smiling wide with teary eyes. You bear tears of fear and heartache, while he is probably teary-eyed on achieving this prestigious prize. The two of you collect the prize, congratulate fellow participants, and socialise with the other people there with practised smiles.

After an exhausting hour, the two of you are back in Hyunjin's car, still in outfits and makeup. He drives silently and you close your eyes fearing the tears will fall down otherwise. The car halts a while later as you've reached the campus. Both of you collect your things, take the cup and medal you won to the practice room and change out of the costumes.

Just as you turn to leave the room and head back to the dorms, he stops you with a hand on his wrist. You turn to question him but he doesn't look at you. He's locking the door with one hand as he holds on to you with the other. You roll your eyes.

"Hyunjin let me go."

He turns, now done with the lock, and starts walking forward as he drags you with him.

"Let me go, Hyunjin. I'm serious." He keeps walking, and you follow, until you've reached a room that looks like a storage room. He stops in front of the door and still doesn't let go of your hand. You're too confused to say anything although your head is buzzing with a million questions.

"When someone asks to walk you back, you should let them."

"Huh?" He turns to look at you, eyes dark and serious. He hasn't taken his makeup yet and he looks positively dangerous if not enthralling.

"I said, stop refusing when I ask to walk you back." His words are sharp and his voice is low.

"Why? What does that change?" The sting in your eye returns, you can't bare to look at him so you turn away.

But he holds your chin in his palm, the one that isn't holding your hand, and turns you to face him. "Y/N, I don't understand what I did wrong. Just please tell me, I'll do anything to make you happy."

"Why? Why do you want to make me happy? So that you can break my heart like you break everyone else's?" He looks shocked and the tears are now flowing desperately from your eyes.

"What are you even saying?"

"Hyunjin stop pretending... everyone knows that you just charm people and sleep around. Actually, it's not even your fault. I'm the idiot who knew all this and still let myself fall for you." You can feel your heart disintegrate and sincerely wish he'd let you go so that you can go hide in the comfort of your bed.

"What the fuck Y/N? Just 'cuz people say something doesn't make it true. I don't just go around flirting and sleeping with people." He's angry and you can hear it. You know he has the right to be but can't help your emotions. He is still holding your hand despite his anger, you note.

"Then where do you disappear off to every night? And why do you always show up in dishevelled clothes and messed up hair?" You sound stupid, now that the words are out of your mouth, but then no fool in love ever remains sane.

He sighs and throws his head back in frustration.

"You idiot. That- that's not because I'm fucking someone every night. It's- I go to.."

"To what Hyunjin?" Your patience is running low and he looks nervous.

He sighs. Letting your hand go, he opens the door to the storage room and turns the light on. It is an art studio, filled with paintings upon paintings. You turn to Hyunjin, more confused than before.

"This is my makeshift studio. A gallery owner has signed me on as the artist for their upcoming exhibition. I'm trying to get stuff done for that. It's next week. That's why I am always late to practice and why I look 'dishevelled'." He says quietly, with air quotes and a desperate tone in his voice.

"What?" To say you're surprised would be an understatement. You know he is an art major and that he paints, but all of this is new information. You look around the room once more, there are various kinds of paintings- places, flowers and even people.

"Yeah. I've been trying to show you my work for weeks now, that's why I keep asking to walk you back. I have always wanted to show you my work but didn't get the courage to talk to you personally till the practice." He looks nervous and his mouth forms into a pout. You just let out a laugh as more tears roll down your cheeks at the relief. "Why are you still crying?" He asks slowly as he wipes the tears away and you just laugh.

"So... you're not with someone else?"

He smiles now and shakes his head. "But I want to be..." Your eyes widen and the lump in your throat that was finally starting to dissolve comes back in full force. Seeing your face he starts to laugh.

He faces you, letting go of your hand to hold your face in both of his hands and leaning toward you. Your heart is beating in your chest.

"Dummy, it is you I like. Don't know how or when, but yeah..."

It appears that the act of having someone reciprocate our feelings can be perceived as rather endearing rather than embarrassing.

"Can I kiss you?" He asks slowly, his voice dangerously low.

"How are you so sure I like you back?"

He smirks at you and rolls his tongue in his inner cheek.

"Hmm... let's see how. You just acted like a crazy idiot for a week and told me it is because you thought I was fucking other people." Your face burns up in embarrassment as his smirk turns into a full smile. "Also, you get so extremely flustered every time I come close to you and your face is all red and cute, just like right now."

You close your eyes shut tight at his words, ready to combust.

"I didn't do a good job keeping my crush in control at all huh." You manage to say, slowly opening your eyes to see him smiling brightly.

"Absolutely not." The both of you laugh, he pulls your face closer and you hold onto his waist for balance. The lump of anxiety in your throat has turned into a plethora of butterflies.

"So can I kiss you or do you just want to keep staring at my lips like you do every time we dance."

"Oh shut up, Hyunjin."

He laughs and leans in but pulls back at the last minute. You let out a whine in protest.

"I- I just wanted to confirm, I like you and want to date you. Only you. Is that clear?" You just nod, breaking into a smile so big your jaw hurts.

"Also you might be the muse of my paintings."

"What? How many?"

He looks shy. "One?" You raise your eyebrows. "Okay, five."

"Hyunjin wha-"

You never get to finish the sentence as he takes your mouth in his and you've never loved rude interruptions before. Seems like wouldn't mind anything as long as you get to hold and be held by Hyunjin and dance with him through a thousand storms.

419 notes · View notes

justagalwhowrites · 4 months

Note

I saw this video and I feel like something like this would be fun to read! I have to ask would you ever consider writing a kidnapper!Joel fic?

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8Dfp6Na/

Hi Bestie!

So.... Yes :)

Not quite the vibe of the linked video but I hope you enjoy it!

Run Rabbit: Part One

It was just over a year after the world ended that you were captured by Joel and Tommy Miller. They're harsh, they're cold and they're killers. But, as a nurse, you're a valuable person to have around and they're not the worst thing wandering the wasteland that was the United States. And there might be more to these men than meets the eye.

PLEASE READ ALL WARNINGS. Written as part of the @romana-after-dark Dead Dove December event (but posted late because it's impossible for me to make a deadline at the moment apparently.) This will be in two parts.

Relationship: Joel Miller x Female Reader X Tommy Miller

Warnings WHOLE FIC: DUBCON (reader is a captive, participation might be enthusiastic but consent is dubious under the circumstances.) Raider!Joel; Raider!Tommy; Captive reader; Canon-typical violence; graphic depictions of violence; graphic depictions of injury; attempted SA (not by Joel or Tommy); Dom/Sub dynamic but not an established relationship; Dom-ish Joel; Brat tamer-ish Joel; Sub-ish reader; DDDNE; M/F/M threesome; unprotected P in V sex; Anal sex; Oral sex; No use of Y/N; Minors DNI 18+ Only

Length: 8k

PLEASE NOTE: part one does not get smutty ❤️

Part 2

November, 2004

“You can have whatever you want, please!”

Your hand was clamped over your mouth as you tried to keep quiet from your place below the floorboards. Your boyfriend, Zach, had tucked you into the crawl space when he ran in from hunting with three men on his tail.

“They don’t know about you,” he’d said, breathless. “Stay quiet, I’ll get us out of this.”

But even a year into the apocalypse, Zach wasn’t a great shot. It wasn’t long before he was out matched and the men were breaking down the door to the cabin you’d been holed up in for a few days.

“Seemed awful keen to protect whatever it is you got,” one of the men said. “How do we know you’re not gonna just come and try to take it back?”

“Should just kill ‘em,” another man said. “Don’t gotta worry about it then.”

“No, no, I swear I won’t,” Zach pleaded.

“Prove it,” the final man spoke for the first time. “Got no reason to trust you now, why should we leave you alive?”

You kept your hands tight over your mouth, trying not to cry, trying to stay quiet, hoping they’d leave Zach alive.

“Because I have something better than supplies!” He yelled it, his words flowing together as he stumbled over them.

“Like?” The third man said.

“My girlfriend,” Zach panted. Your breath caught. “She was a nurse before, in an ER, she can keep you alive, you can have her, please…”

“And where is this girlfriend?” The first man said. “You seem awful alone here…”

You hoped Zach was just buying time, that he wouldn’t actually tell these animals where you were.

You were wrong.

“In the closet,” he said. “There��s a crawl space there, I told her to hide there while I took care of things here. Please, she’s worth a lot, she’s good at patching you up, she’s real pretty, you can have her, you can have her…”

The sound of his begging almost covered the thud of boots as you heard the closet door creak open and the floor over your head disappeared.

“Well, would you look at that,” a large man with shaggy curls and a patchy beard - the first one who has spoken, you thought - smirked down at you. “He’s not full of shit.”

“No,” you shook your head, eyes wide. “No, please…”

The man ignored you, grabbing a fistful of fabric at your chest and hefting you up from the crawl space with a grunt. He dropped you on the ground and you tried to scramble away only to have another man grab your shoulder and throw you down. You landed on your backside, a different tall, broad man with dark curls looming over you.

“Where you think you’re running to, little rabbit?” He smirked, the second man who had spoken. You pulled yourself back from him, looking for a way out. The third man, blond and pale and the youngest of them, stood over Zach, a gun pointed at his head. He started humming Run, Rabbit, Run as he smiled at your boyfriend, glancing your way, prowling toward Zach. A predator enjoying his prey.

“So,” the first man dropped your pack that had been in the crawl space next to you at your side with a thud, making you jump. “You really a nurse?”

“She is,” Zach answered for you. “She is and you can have her, please…”

“Zach!” Tears tightened your throat.

“I’m sorry, honey,” he said, not looking at you. “I’m sorry, but I can’t…”

The man who pulled you from the crawl space sighed, pulling a handgun from his side, going up behind Zach and pressing the barrel to his head before pulling the trigger. Your scream hung in the air longer than the crack of the gun, the salty, metallic taste of Zach’s blood on your tongue as his body slumped to the ground.

“Hey,” the man who shot Zach dropped to one knee in front of you, grabbing your face roughly, gripping your cheeks in his large hand. There was blood on him, too. “You really think that piece of shit is worth screamin’ and cryin’ over? He was sellin’ you, girl, he ain’t worth any grief of yours.”

He released you and looked over his shoulder to the other dark haired man.

“Tommy, got something we can hold her with?” The other man - Tommy, apparently - started going through his bag. He looked toward the blond next. “Vince, gather what you can, we’re heading out in 10. Made a lot of noise here, don’t want to wait and find out what that attracts.”

“Are you going to kill me too?” You asked quietly.

The man who seemed to be in charge cocked his head at you.

“Now why would we go and do a thing like that?” He asked. “Your boyfriend might have been scum but he was right, you’re valuable cargo. You’re gonna be a good girl for us, right?”

You weren’t really sure what to say to that, your heart beating so hard and fast you were sure this man could see your pulse in your throat.

“Don’t really matter either way, does it?” He said as Tommy handed him some rope. “You either cooperate or you’re more trouble than you’re worth and we just kill you. Don’t make much difference to us. Hands out, wrists together.”

You just looked at him and he sighed, pulling his sidearm out again and putting it below your chin. The muzzle was warm and wet from where he’d just killed Zach and, for a moment, you thought you were going to vomit.

“Didn’t I just say I’d kill you if you got to be more trouble than you’re worth?” He said. “You’re already a lot of trouble by bein’ and extra mouth to feed so I recommend cooperating before my temper runs out. So. Hands out, wrists together.”

You obeyed and the man wrapped your wrists in rope tight enough that you had no hope of wriggling out but not so tight that it was painful, just uncomfortable. He wrapped his large hand around the cluster of rope between your wrists and yanked you to your feet.

“Got anything on you I should be worried about?” He asked. “Be a lot easier on you if you tell me now than later.”

“Knife,” you said, voice shaky. “Right pocket.”

“Good girl.”

He reached into your pocket and pulled the weapon free, opening and examining the blade.

“Know how to use this?” He asked, brows raised.

“I’ve used it,” you replied. He nodded and closed it, putting it in his pocket.

“Be a good enough girl for a long enough time and maybe you can get it back,” he said before turning to Tommy. “I’m gettin’ a head start with this one, heading north west, back to site. You know the way.”

“I know it,” he said. “We’ll clear out quick, catch up soon.”

The man who had you grabbed your pack from the floor and slung it over his shoulder before bringing his rifle around to his front, nudging you forward with the muzzle.

“Let’s go,” he said. “Try and take off and I’ll shoot ya. And I don’t miss.”

The man kept close to you, nudging you along in front of him and you tried not to trip on roots and overgrown brush but you’d only been walking about 20 minutes when you failed, falling with a pained grunt. The man sighed and grabbed you by the collar, pulling you to your feet.

“You OK?” He asked, gun pointed at the ground and not at you.

“Yes,” you said, even though your hands were scraped up and your knees hurt and you had your boyfriend’s blood on your skin and your throat hurt from screaming.

“Keep movin’,” he ordered.

You kept looking back over your shoulder at him. He reminded you of a guy you dated once who was in the army. He never looked in one place too long, head constantly turning, looking, searching. There were threats, he knew that. He also knew how to see them coming. The gun was tilted toward the ground but close and ready. You were waiting for him to change his mind about you, to shoot you, too. Part of you wondered if this was part of a game for him, if he was going to walk with you just long enough to lull you into a false sense of security before shooting you. Maybe he liked the fear, the surprise. Maybe he’d given too much away by killing Zach and now he couldn’t get what he wanted from you.

Maybe that was better than the alternative.

You were only walking about an hour when the other men, Tommy and Vince, caught up to you. The man you were with turned and pointed the gun, noticing their approach before you did. You froze, only realizing that it was probably a good time to run now that his attention was elsewhere once it was too late.

“Just us, Joel,” Tommy called as they climbed up the hill you’d just made it up yourselves. “No trouble behind us.”

The man - Joel, apparently - lowered the rifle and the men joined you. They had four packs between the two of them, two you didn’t recognize and two backpacking bags that you recognized as yours and Zach’s. Your stomach turned.

“Not a terrible haul,” Tommy said. “These two had decent gear and must have just taken somethin’ good. A lot of jerky, good stock of ammo, some medical shit.”

Joel looked down at you, his eyebrows raised.

“You know how to use the shit in those bags?” He asked. You just looked back at him. He sighed and grabbed a fist full of your hair, jerking you close to him, making you squeak in shock. “Don’t play dumb, girl, you know how to use that shit?”

“No,” you said sarcastically, not sure where the guts for that came from. “I enjoy hauling around shit I can’t do anything with.”

Joel’s jaw tensed and you weren’t sure if he was about to yell or laugh.

“Not gonna get far with an attitude like that, little rabbit,” Tommy said, but he was smirking a little. “Lot better for you if you just answer the questions when we ask ‘em.”

You looked between the two men closest to you for a moment. You wondered if they were related. Their eyes were the same, same hair, too. They would have been handsome in another context, one where you weren’t afraid they were about to kill you.

“It’s mine,” you said after a moment. “We were backpacking when the outbreak happened, we didn’t even know for a day or two, we were in the middle of the mountains and there weren’t other people around. I know how to use it all.”

Joel released you.

“Good to know you ain’t completely useless,” he said.

“You mean outside the fact that I can save your life?” You bit out. Again, you weren’t sure why.

He snorted.

“Outside of that. Keep movin’.”

With the other men there, Tommy took the lead and you followed, Vince and Joel behind you. You could feel Vince’s eyes on you, the cold, lecherous feeling of his gaze making your stomach churn.

Night was starting to fall by the time you reached a cabin that showed greater signs of people than you’d seen in what felt like forever. There was a stack of wood on the front porch, a line between the house and a tree that looked like it was meant for drying clothes, barrels placed to gather rain water. You stopped, staring at the small structure.

“Inside,” Joel said after a moment.

“I have to pee.”

He sighed.

“Vince,” he said. “Take her to piss. Don’t fuckin’ touch her unless she tries to run, got it?”

Vince groaned but nudged you off to the side of the house with the muzzle of his gun. You looked around, trying to get a lay of the land, see what a good route out might be. There was a small path that looked like it would take you deeper into the woods, eventually up into the Smokies. That was fine. If you could get your pack, you could survive out there for at least a week or two on your own, maybe find a settlement or something. You’d never had to survive on your own, you’d never hunted or shot a human being. Zach had handled that. You weren’t sure how long you could really make it on your own but you’d rather give that a shot than leave yourself to whatever these men had in store for you.

“Here’s good,” Vince said after two minutes of walking. You held out your wrists and he raised his eyebrows. “You think I’m a fucking idiot?”

“I can’t really pull my pants down like this,” you said. “I’m not a man, I can’t just whip my dick out…”

He stomped over to you and unbutton and unzipped your jeans before yanking them down to your knees, ignoring your surprised sound before going back to your hips. His fingers trailed over your skin, sinking into the meat of your ass and making your stomach churn, before he pulled your panties down, too. You could feel his eyes on you, lingering on you, before he stood up.

“There,” he said. “Happy?”

He walked a few steps away and turned back to look at you.

“I can’t go with you watching.”

He shrugged.

“Not my problem. You have to go bad enough, you’ll go.”

You glared at him and held his gaze before squatting and peeing, missing toilet paper and privacy more than you had since the damn outbreak started. You straightened up when you were done and stood there, still looking at him.

“Afraid you’ll have to come pull up my pants, too,” you said. “Since your boss apparently wants you to wait on me hand and foot.”

A muscle in the man’s neck twitched but he stalked over and yanked your clothes back up, harshly buttoning and zipping your jeans before shoving you back toward the cabin hard enough that you stumbled.

Inside, Joel and Tommy were sitting at a rustic table, a fire going in the nearby fireplace. There were two Nalgene bottles of water on the table and a bag of jerky between them. The jerky you recognized. You and Zach had made it just a few days earlier.

You tried not to think about it.

“He behave himself?” Joel asked, stretched out with his legs far in front of him.

“You’re really gonna take this little cunt’s word over mine?” Vince asked.

Joel just kept looking at you, ignoring him entirely.

“Asked you a question girl,” he said. “He keep his hands to himself?”

You glanced at Vince who was staring down Joel, his blue eyes hot and angry. You looked back to Joel.

“He was fine,” you said.

“Good,” Joel said, getting up, grabbing a bottle of water and going over to you. He put one of his huge hands on your shoulder, guiding you to the nearby couch and nudging you down onto it.

You obeyed his unspoken command, lowering yourself slowly down but not relaxing into the cushion, staying on the edge of it.

“Open,” he ordered.

Your eyes narrowed. He glared back.

“Open your mouth,” he said when you didn’t obey.

“You put your dick in my mouth I’ll bite it clean off.”

Joel squared his jaw and held up the bottle of water.

“Don’t got a smaller bottle right now and you can’t hold this with your hands tied. Don’t want you droppin’ dead from dehydration after we went through all the trouble to get you here so open your goddamn mouth.”

You ground your teeth for a moment before you obeyed. He unscrewed the top and poured the water on your tongue, crisp and cool and making you aware of just how thirsty you’d become in the few hours you’d been with him.

“Good girl,” he said. “Was that so hard?”

Eventually, he stopped and you closed your mouth, wiping your lips on the back of your tied hands as he closed the bottle.

“Don’t gotta worry about that shit from us,” he said. “Prefer when a woman begs for it, not about to take it from one who ain’t.”

“Because I can trust what a group of murderers says,” you snapped.

“Murderers,” Joel shrugged. “Not rapists. Hungry?”

“Why?” You asked, tongue still sharp. “Going to be kind enough to give me scraps of the food you stole from me?”

“Something like that,” Joel said. “If you’re gonna try to starve yourself to death, just let me know. Save you the trouble and put you down quick instead.”

You watched him for a moment. For some reason, you trusted what he was saying to you. That he wasn’t going to hurt you - at least, not like that. That he was intending to keep you alive.

“Not hungry,” you said eventually.

Joel shrugged.

“If you change your mind.”

You sat on the edge of the couch cushion as the men took inventory of what they stole from you, what they killed Zach to take. You tried not to cry.

It’s not like you’d been especially close to Zach when the outbreak happened. You hadn’t said “I love you” yet, you’d been dating for a month and a half and fucking for just a few weeks of that.

The backpacking trip had been a spur of the moment thing for both of you. You had some vacation time to burn before the end of the quarter, his job was flexible and you’d bonded over a shared love of the outdoors. You’d ignored the words of caution from your girlfriends when he wanted to take you hiking for a second date, the two of you ending up exhausted but proud as you came to the end of the seven mile trail he’d selected. He kissed you there for the first time, his lips salty with trail mix and sweat and a view of a valley swelling with shades of green spread out below you.

You were somewhere in the mountains when the world collapsed. You didn’t even know it had happened until you returned to where you’d parked your car to find the windows smashed and the inside looted, a body missing a chunk of its skull not far away. You’d ran to it on instinct, dropping to your knees beside them to check their pulse even though it was clear that there was no way they would be alive. Their skin was cold and there were fibrous, vine-like tendrils swarming in their brain.

It had been you and Zach from there. He was more of a survivalist than you. He knew how to hunt and trap, taught you how to skin a rabbit and process a deer. You weren’t sure if you’d truly come to love him or not, if the feeling you had for him was just what happened when you went about surviving the end of the world with another person and became dependent on them for your very life.

But you were certain that he hadn’t loved you. Not really. If he had, he never would have given you over to these men.

You’d never have done that to him.

Maybe you did love him. You weren’t sure you’d ever know.

“Sleep here,” Joel ordered as the day fully shifted to night and Tommy and Vince started readying for bed. “I’m keepin’ watch for now. We were gone long enough, some dumbasses might think they can move in. Don’t try anything.”

He went onto the porch and you stretched out on the couch, the other men going into what you expected were bedrooms at the back of the cabin. Your hands were still bound. You stared at the dying embers of the fire, the orange glow, and cried.

***

Joel needed Vince to stop acting like a shit head.

The man didn’t seem to understand the position he was in. He was the least valuable person here. He was young, he was dumb and he was disposable.

He just didn’t seem to realize it. If he kept looking at you like you were something he could take, he’d find out just how disposable he was.

Joel came in from his watch about 5 a.m. to find you whimpering quietly on the couch. He sighed.

“You really still crying over that jackass you were with?” He asked as you sniffled quietly.

“Shut up,” your voice was thick and wet.

“He ain’t worth it,” he said gently, sitting in the armchair that was near where your head was. He wasn’t sure why he was bothering. But then, he’d never really taken a captive before. He usually just killed people or turned them loose. You were valuable enough to keep and sending you out into the wilderness alone seemed crueler than holding onto you. He just had no idea what the fuck he was supposed to do with you now. “He didn’t know who the fuck we were or what the fuck we’d do with you - lot worse out there than us, little girl - and he handed you over on a silver fuckin’ platter. More than happy to trade your pain for his sorry life.”

“He’s the only person left that I knew,” you said softly. It was the first truly genuine thing Joel had heard you say. Except, maybe, when you asked if he was going to kill you. “I’m alone now.”

“Not alone, little girl,” he said. He wasn’t sure why he was reassuring you. He shouldn’t care. “You’re better off.”

“Why do you call me that?” You asked, lifting your head ever so slightly from the arm of the couch to look at him. “I’m not a little girl…”

“Little compared to me,” he said.

You scoffed and sniffed at the same time.

“You’re a giant,” you said. “Everyone is little compared to you. Don’t see you calling Vinny there little boy…”

Joel laughed a bit.

“Maybe I should. And you’re a girl.”

“I’m a woman,” you said, a spark of defiance in your tone. “I don’t think I’m much younger than you, if I am at all.”

Joel frowned a bit at that.

“How old are you?” He asked after a moment.

You thought for a second, like you were doing the math. Which was fair. It’s not like he’d celebrated his last birthday, either, his stomach twisting at the thought. He had to think about it, too.

“I’m 33,” you said. “How old are you?”

He was surprised. Not that you looked terribly young, now that he thought about it. More that human faces lacked much definition to him anymore. Anyone older than a teenager looked about the same until they started going gray. You just seemed younger.

“I’m 37,” he said.

“Yeah, I’m not a girl,” you said, putting your head back down.

“You could tell me your name,” he said.

You scoffed.

“Then I’m not sure what I’m supposed to call you, little girl,” he said. He could feel you glare at him.

“I had a whole life before,” you said quietly, more to yourself than to Joel. “I had a house and a job and friends and I used to go to dinner and to concerts and buy the people I loved presents. I had a life before.”

He realized then why he’d thought you were younger. You were, possibly, the most human person he’d come across in a year. Some small spark of divine mortality - the juxtaposition of life and a kind of death that was still possible - there in your eyes that didn’t exist in others. It seemed naive, in a way. Made you seem younger than you were. But he wasn’t sure that was it. Maybe you weren’t naive. Maybe part of you was just clinging to your humanity harder than anyone else left.

“We all did,” he said, voice harsher than he’d really meant it to be. There was part of him that wanted to snap that tie in you. It was unfair that you got to keep it when he didn’t. But it was a kindness, too. You’d survive better without it. “You move on. Go to sleep.”

He went to the room he shared with Tommy who was unconscious, sprawled out on the bed and snoring. Joel took the sleeping bag on the floor and stared at the ceiling, trying to make himself not listen for the sound of you crying in the next room.

Things were surprisingly smooth with you for the next two days. Vince was a fucking idiot and got a nasty cut on his arm that you tended to, giving him stitches while he leered at you and Joel ground his teeth.

He felt better with you tied. Your wrists, at the very least, but during the day when the men were coming and going, Joel bound you to a chair at the table.

“Comfortable?” He asked the first time he did it.

“No,” you spat, face scrunched in anger that was so fierce it was almost cute. If Joel even found things cute anymore. “I’m not.”

“You gonna lose a hand from me cuttin’ off your circulation?” He asked instead. You just glared at him. “Good. Stay put, like a good girl.”

“I hate you,” you seethed at him.

Joel shrugged.

“That’s fine,” he said. “Don’t gotta like me to keep me alive, do ya?”

He went outside to gather wood.

By the third night, you were yawning and looked barely conscious before the sun had even set. Joel frowned.

“I keep telling you to sleep,” he said. “You ignoring me for fun or you think exhausting yourself is good for your health?”

“I’d love to sleep,” you snapped. “But something about having my wrists bound keeps me up at night. Maybe it’s the discomfort, maybe it’s the looming threat of death, who can say?”

Joel pulled Tommy and Vince aside after dinner, the men standing in the dirt outside the cabin, snow starting to drift down.

“She hasn’t tried to hurt anyone yet,” Tommy shrugged. “Don’t think she’s gonna go far if she gets away and doesn’t seem like the kind to kill us in our sleep.”

“Don’t like it,” Vince said, glaring at the cabin for a moment before looking back at Joel. “Can’t trust her as far as we can throw her…”

“No one said shit about trust,” Joel cut him off. “But we can’t keep ‘er tied up forever.”

“Fine,” Vince shrugged. “We can put her to use then kill her. Won’t need to tie her up then.”

Joel could hear the blood in his ears.

“Suggest that one more time, little boy, and see how long you last,” he straightened up as he said it, the full six inches he had on the younger man all the more apparent then. “You want to do that kind of shit, find someone else to run with.”

“Fuck, sorry,” he raised his arms in a moment of surrender before crossing them again. “Just don’t come crying to me when she slits your fucking throat.”

“Can’t cry if she kills me, can I?” Joel said, stomping back toward the house, pushing past Vince on the way.

You were still bound to the chair. He wordlessly unwound the rope and you relaxed your elbows, stretching your arms as best you could with your wrists still tied.

“Hands up,” he said. You frowned, just looking at him. “You heard me, you want me to untie you or not? Hands up.”

You practically flung your wrists at him and he tried not to laugh at you as he loosened the knot and pulled the rope from your wrists.

The second you were free, you rolled your shoulders and closed your eyes, groaning at the feeling of it.

“God that’s good,” you moaned before you started flexing your fingers and rotating your wrists before you glared up at him again. “What? You try being tied up for days, see how you deal with it.”

“Rather not,” Joel said, winding up the rope. “Better be a good girl, don’t try anything stupid.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” you said as you spread your arms wide and sighed. Joel found himself smiling a little for the first time in he didn’t know how long. He stopped himself.

“Actually get some sleep,” he said, voice gruff. “No good to us exhausted.”

He left you alone, taking the bed in he and Tommy’s room that night and Tommy taking the floor. It took effort to not listen for you moving in the front room as he drifted off.

He wasn’t sure how long he was asleep when Tommy shook him awake.

“Joel,” he said urgently. “She’s gone.”

***

Absolutely none of this was ideal.

You were exhausted, the only thing keeping you upright the adrenaline that ran through your whole body. You didn’t have supplies, your pack and all its valuable contents in the bedrooms of the men. You were stuck running through snow, leaving a clear path to follow until the woods got dense enough that the snow hadn’t piled up much.

But you had to go, you had to go now, now, now, right now. You couldn’t spend another night there like that, not when you had the option to get away, not when you had the use of your arms back.

Your body wouldn’t let you sleep, even for an hour or two, even just for a night to try to make a break for it tomorrow. The second Joel had freed your hands it was like you could feel every part of your body in sharp, acute detail. Every frayed nerve, every thrumming vein, every peaked hair was stark and clear. You couldn’t relax enough to sleep. You had an opening, a chance. You had to take it, you had to.

You didn’t even have your knife.

But you had your body and you knew how to push yourself over long distances in the mountains. You’d been good at it before, too. You’d hiked most of your life, knowing how to get yourself to make it to the top of the next ridge even when your calves were burning and your lungs felt on the verge of collapse you knew you could make it.

All you had to do was do that now, through all the exhaustion and all the panic, and put as much distance between yourself and those men as possible.

You’d find some way to keep yourself alive eventually. There’d be supplies or a settlement. Something. You were sure of that.

Mostly.

Your breath rose in a cloud in front of you and you broke away from the trail into the brush of the woods, thankful that the moon was bright enough that you could have some sense of where you were going.

You were just starting to relax a little when you heard it behind you. A sharp, shrill whistle. You froze.

“Come on out, little rabbit,” Tommy called. “Not gonna hurt you…”

“Shit,” you whispered as you panted for breath. They sounded pretty far away but they’d catch up eventually.

You scrambled through the forest until you reached a cluster of ferns that was thick and full and you ducked into it. If you stayed quiet and still, they’d walk right past you. You could stay put for a while and then find your way from there. Simple.

You tried to not shake from cold and fear as you heard the signs of the men getting close. There was the crunch of sticks, the rustle of leaves and the eerie sound of Vince humming Run, Rabbit, Run. The glare of a flashlight trickled between the ferns and you held your breath, the humming getting louder.

For a second, a glorious second, you thought you were in the clear. Vince had passed your hiding spot, poking through the brush closest to the trail with his rifle but you were just far enough off the trail that he missed you, and you relaxed.

Then you heard the snap of a twig.

“Found you.”

You spun, Vince turning the flashlight on and shining it in your face, all but blinding you. You threw up a hand instinctively to protect your eyes and he grabbed your wrist, yanking you out of your hiding spot and almost pulling your arm out of its socket in the process.

You yelped in pain, you couldn’t help it, and he all but threw you onto the trail. Your eyes were still adjusting to the light but it took you a moment to realize that he had his gun trained on you.

“Knew you’d take off on us,” he said, panting a little. You put your hands up and looked for a way out. “Knew you’d be more trouble than you’re worth…”

You backed away from him, more on instinct than anything else, not able to watch where you were going and you shrieked as you tripped and fell back, landing hard and barely catching yourself before your head smacked into the rock of the path. You rose up on your hands quickly, scrambling back from him as best you could but he was standing, could see where he was going. You didn’t have a hope.

“Please,” you whispered. “Please just… just let me go, you already have my supplies and…”

“Can’t let you go with you knowing where we are,” he replied. “And you were already more trouble than you’re worth in my opinion…”

“I stitched up your arm,” you said, tears stinging at your eyes. “I helped you…”

“And those two idiots won’t even let me fuck you,” he cut you off. “What good is pussy you can’t fuck, hm?”

“Please,” you said again.

“That’s not an answer,” he prowled closer, the muzzle of his rifle so close you could almost touch it. Your heart was in your throat. “Think I’ll just kill you, bet that pretty head of yours would make all kinds of nice colors when I blow it off…”

“Hey!” Tommy snapped, his gun up and pointed at Vince. “Know you’re not threatenin’ to kill her, not when we all agreed to keep her alive.”

“You agreed,” Vince snapped. “You and your asshole brother, not me.”

“That asshole has been keepin’ your sorry ass alive,” Joel growled from behind you. Your head whipped around to see him there, looming large over you. His gun was up, too, pointed at Vince. “You need us a whole hell of a lot more than we need you. You can do what I fuckin’ say or you can move on. But you keep pointing that gun at her and you ain’t gonna have much to move on with.”

The three of them stood there for a moment, Vince aiming at you, Joel and Tommy aiming at him. Your heart felt like it was going to break your ribs it was beating so hard.

Vince lowered his gun. Tommy did the same but Joel left his up.

“Joel,” Vince said but Joel cut him off.

“Don’t like men who don’t listen,” he said. “Not worth shit to me if you can’t take orders. Said you could join me and my brother if you did what you were told.”

“I told you she’d run!” Vince snapped.

“Don’t give a shit,” Joel said. “You think nurses pop up every five fuckin’ feet? She’s valuable. To us and to people we come across. Worth a little trouble. Worth a whole hell of a lot more trouble than you. Know your goddamn place.”

He lowered his gun and looked down to you.

“You alright, little girl?”

You were too shaken to fight the nickname. Instead, you just nodded.

“Good.”

He slung his rifle on his back and reached down, yanking you sharply to your feet, the movement so rough it shocked you. Once you were on your feet, he grabbed you by your chin, his callused fingers harsh on your cheeks, and pulled your face close, so close that you’d expect him to kiss you if he were your lover.

But he wasn’t that. He was your captor.

“Thought I told you not to try anything stupid,” he asked, his face almost eerily calm but his tone on the edge of anger. “You seem smart enough to know better, give you an inch and you decide to take a mile. Several, in fact. Maybe Vince is right, maybe we should kill you…”

“Joel,” Tommy said cautiously but Joel threw him a glare and he quieted.

“You really think you can do better than us out there? Hm?” He demanded. “You think you can survive all on your lonesome?”

“No,” you said, fighting to not cry. You hated that you reacted this way, that when you were scared or mad your first instinct was to cry. “But I could find…”

“Find what?” He cut you off. “Find someone else who’s willin’ to stick their necks out for you? Willing to feed you, shelter you without takin’ more from you?”

He released your chin and you slumped back from him, massaging your face and working your jaw, trying to right it.

“You’re damn lucky to be with us, little girl,” he snapped. “Real damn lucky. Better start actin’ like it instead of running off like some scared little rabbit. Hands out.”

“But…”

“No,” he shook his head firmly. “You lost the privilege of using your fuckin’ hands without my permission. Hands. Out.”

You obeyed, arms trembling, and he bound your wrists together, the ropes finding the same indentations they’d made on your skin before. He dropped your wrists once they were bound and you looked at him as you still fought to not cry. His eyes met yours, sharp and cold.

“You’re mine now,” he said harshly. “Sooner you figure that out, the easier this gets for you. Move.”

The walk back to the cabin felt long and, when you got there, you went to lay on the couch but Joel stopped you.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He asked, shrugging out of his coat.

You frowned.

“Going to sleep…”

“Not there you’re not,” he said. “You’re sleepin’ with me, you don’t get to be unsupervised anymore.”

Your eyes went wide and you shook your head.

“No, no, please, you said you weren’t…”

“Wasn’t offerin’ to fuck you, girl,” he cut you off. “You’re sleeping where I can fucking see you so get in my bed.”

Your whole body shook as he nudged you to one of the back rooms. You hadn’t been in one of these before. You had no idea how to try to escape if you needed to. It was stupid of you, you realized now, to trust Joel when he said they might be murderers but they weren’t rapists. Just because they hadn’t forced themselves on you yet didn’t mean they wouldn’t now.

The room wasn’t huge, a queen sized bed in the middle and a sleeping bag on the floor. There was a door - to a closet, you assumed - and a dresser with some picture frames on top.

“Shoes off,” Joel said.

“Please,” you said softly. “Please don’t do this, I…”

“Didn’t I say I wasn’t offering to fuck you?” He asked, sounding exasperated. “I don’t want you tracking dirt into the goddamn bed. Shoes off, get in on that side, one by the dresser. I’ll keep my hands to myself if you will.”

You obeyed and curled as tightly in on yourself as you could, facing away from him. You felt the bed dip as he climbed in, the heat of his body close to yours. But he didn’t touch you.

“Actually sleep,” Joel muttered after a moment.

You glanced over your shoulder at him. He was flat on his back, eyes closed, arms crossed over his chest. The opposite of someone who looked like they were about to grope you the second you passed out.

Still, you rolled to face him, curled tightly on yourself, and watched him until his body loosened and his breaths evened. Tommy snored lightly from the sleeping bag on the floor. You weren’t sure if their unconscious state made it feel safe enough to rest or your body gave out from exhaustion but, the next thing you knew, it was morning and you were alone.

You sat up slowly, hands still bound, an unfamiliar blanket draped over you that hadn’t been the night before.

You made your way slowly, cautiously, to the main part of the small house. The men were talking in low voices around the kitchen table and you hovered for a moment, not sure if you wanted them to notice you or not.

But Tommy was the first to see you there, a slow smile spreading over his face.

“Well hey there little rabbit,” he took a sip from a mug. “You look rested.”

“Probably wore herself out taking off,” Vince muttered.

“Gonna be just you and me today,” Tommy said, ignoring Vince’s comments. “Those two are headin’ out to do some business.”

“Business?” You asked, brows raised. “Is that code for murder?”

“Our business is none of yours, little girl,” Joel said, drinking from a mug of his own. “You stay here, behave yourself, and maybe we’ll bring you something back.”

“Rather not get anything that comes from killing,” you said. “Thanks though.”

Joel just rolled his eyes and shoved back from the table.

“You’ll take what I give you and you’ll like it,” he said, coming to stand in front of you. He put two fingers below your chin and tilted it, forcing you too look him in the eye. “Gonna take off on me again? Or do I need to tie your legs up, too?”

You gritted your teeth.

“No.”

“Good girl.”

Tommy helped you use the bathroom and you sat on the couch with jerky and sore wrists and resentment as you watched Joel and Vince get ready to head out to do… whatever it was they were about to go and do.

You weren’t sure what you were supposed to do to pass the time. You’d had some books in your bags but you weren’t about to risk pissing off the men for a little entertainment.

But Tommy didn’t let you sit in silence for too long, flopping down next to you on the couch as you tried to find patterns in the peeling paint of he wall. You looked at him, cagey. He smiled.

“You’re cute when you sleep.”

You frowned.

“What?”

“You’re cute when you sleep,” he said again. “All curled up and shit, just like a little rabbit.”

You shrank back from him and he put his hands up.

“Not gonna touch you,” he said. “Unless you wanted me to.”

“Well… I don’t.”

He shrugged.

“Didn’t expect you would,” he said.

He was quiet again for a few minutes before he spoke again, a gleam in his eye when he did.

“Wouldn’t happen to play poker, would you?”

You didn’t but he seemed happy enough to teach you. But you couldn’t hold the cards well with your wrists bound and, after a few minutes of struggling, Tommy glanced toward the door like he was half expecting Joel to walk through it.

“Gimme those,” he said, holding his hands out. You thrust your wrists at him faster than you were proud of and he laughed a little, taking hold of you gently. He paused before starting at the rope. “You’re not gonna take off on me, right, little rabbit?”

“Not at the moment,” you said.

“Good,” he replied, untying you. “Not a fan of keepin’ you all tied up anyway…”

You turned your wrists, the bones popping as you luxuriated in the movement.

“Thank you,” you said, massaging one wrist and then the other.

He shrugged.

“The game is Texas Hold ‘Em,” he said, dealing. “We’ll play a few hands open and then see how you do…”

It was oddly easy to forget that you were being held captive when playing cards with Tommy. He was lighter than the other men, more like people you remembered from before, making easy going conversation about things that hadn’t mattered in more than a year.

“I’m still mad that I didn’t get to see the second Matrix,” you said, watching as Tommy put the flop on the table.

“That, darlin’, was a blessing,” he replied. “Wasn’t nearly as good as the first.”

“I heard that, but still,” you said, looking at the seven of clubs, three of hearts and king of clubs on the table and trying not to smile at the seven of spades and king of hearts in your hand. “I think it might have been better than I heard. And maybe it would have made more sense when the third one came out…”

“Maybe,” Tommy said, putting the turn on the table. Ace of diamonds, no good for you. “But I dunno, you seem too smart to like something that shitty.”

“Bold assumption,” you smiled a little and he smiled back.

“Before I put the river card out,” he said. “How about we make this interesting?”

“Interesting,” you frowned. “Interesting how?”

“I win, you tell me something about yourself,” he said. “You win, I’ll give you something you want. Can’t be a weapon but something else.”

You looked at him, brows raised.

“C’mon, little rabbit,” he gave you a cocky smirk. “Let’s have some fun.”

You looked at your hand again.

“Alright,” you smiled a little. “Let’s do it.”

The river was the king of spades and you tried not to smile too wide.

“Alright,” he said, looking like he was holding back a grin himself. “I’ll show you mine then you show me yours.”

You shrugged and he smiled as he put the king of diamonds and the three of spades on the table.

“Full house,” he said. “Kings over threes.”

“Damn,” you sighed. “I just have the kings…” you lowered the card, looking disappointed and enjoyed Tommy’s excited expression for half a second before you put the second card on the table. “Oh, and the sevens. Sevens are higher than threes, right? I mean, I only went to nursing school, I can’t be sure…”

“You little shit,” Tommy laughed. “You’ve got a damn fine poker face on you! Alright, what is it you want?”

“My books,” you said immediately. “I had two, I think, in my pack. I’d like them. Please.”

“I can get you the books,” he smiled. “You sit tight.”

He brought you the books and you played another hand with the same stakes. And another. And another. And more after that.

You got some hair ties and clean socks out of the deal. Tommy got to know your favorite food and what you liked to watch on TV back when there was TV.

After a while, he looked at the books that you’d set aside on the table. He picked up the top one, Slaughterhouse Five.

“Think this was on my reading list in high school,” he said, looking over the back of it. “Never actually read it though.”

“It’s good,” you said. “You missed out.”

“Read it to me,” he said, holding it out to you.

“Read it to you?” You asked, brows raised. “What are you, five?”

“Never much enjoyed reading,” he shrugged, still holding the book out. “But I like listening. Like listening to you well enough. C’mon, little rabbit. Tell me a story.”

You considered him for a moment. You felt oddly safe with Tommy. You weren’t sure if it was because he was showing you kindness and one of the only three people left in the world you knew now or if he was actually safe. You weren’t sure you could trust anything you were thinking and feeling.

But reading to him didn’t sound bad.

“Can we move to the couch?” You asked.

He laughed.

“Think we can manage it.”

You settled on the couch, you folded into a corner and Tommy stretched out. He watched you closely as you opened the book.

“All this happened, more or less…”

You fell asleep on the couch before Joel and Vince made it back but you woke up in he bed, Tommy snoring next to you.

Part 2

A/N: Hey yeah so... this was supposed to be a one shot but it got away from me. So now it's two parts. Part two up sometime within the next week or so ❤️

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc #run rabbit #dddne #dubcon #raider!joel #raider!Tommy #dead dove december #tommy miller x reader #tommy miller x you

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trisexyual · 3 months

Text

so i am a solo player and have been since the beginning of myself playing FFXIV.

i traveled through a handful of FCs over two years, all of which fell apart due to drama. i never really participated in events because of social anxiety, so i was mostly in it for the buffs and occasional conversation.

i didn't have any close friends to play with until about a year and half in, and then we had a falling out last year.

i decided to leave my fc since i wasn't participating in anything and didn't need the buffs anymore or care enough about them, because i leveled up all of my jobs to 90, alone.

i used to feel so bad about not interacting with people, but i was always so happy just doing my own thing.

and now, i embrace being a solo player who gets the social aspect just from being in the world with other people and queuing up for party based content. i saved up my gil and got a house in the lottery in Kugane. i built up my island sanctuary to completion.

then i got an invitation to join an fc, by the very founder of said fc it was a polite invitation to join an fc, like many i had gotten before, and like usual, i politely declined and said thanks but i'm more of a solo player.

then this person said, "why would you play the game alone? that's so sad and lame"

and i honestly lost my shit. i told them to fuck off since they didn't get the memo the first time. no means no.

so i'm writing this for the people who enjoy soloing an MMO and for the people like that one FC founder -

there is absolutely nothing wrong with playing solo. don't shame people for making that choice. mind your business, and remember: gaming starts and ends with yourself. if you are not having fun , you're doing it wrong.

and there is no reason ever to shame someone for having fun their own way, especially if it not harming anyone. so in the spirit of FFXIV community love, be fucking NICE.

#ffxiv #final fantasy xiv

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sanjisprincesswifey · 5 months

Note

I’m so excited for this event I love Christmas! ❤️ Can I request Sanji, Ace or Zoro with an afab!reader? Thank you! 🎁

i love christmas too, thank you for participating! :)

you’ve received zoro + getting each other for secret santa

❆ : dorky, clueless, and in love zoro, no gender implied but reader is staying in the same room as nami and robin, 600+ words!

shit, shit, shit.

zoro knew he’d get in huge trouble if anyone caught him in here. sure,

if it was you or robin all you’d get was a stern talking to and had it been nami, a pretty good beating and a fine, that was doable. but if any of the guys caught him he’d be labeled pervert till the end of time and he could not live with being teased by sanji for that long.

right now he’s dug deep into your closet, riffling through scattered clothing items and old shoe boxes, nothing helpful.

when he hesitantly agreed to participate in the crew’s secret santa, he didn’t think it would cause him so much stress.

there was eight other names he could’ve drawn, but luck was not in zoro’s favor today when he chose yours.

he didn’t really know you, if he was being honest. he didn’t want to; well…it’s more like he was afraid to.

getting to know you, close to you, meant that he would have to admit how he felt.

admit that the sliver of personality he found himself seeking was enough to drive him insane. how knowing you for the few months you had been aboard the sunny you had unearthed a new feeling, a strange, complicated, fuzzy feeling that he strangely enjoyed.

he rifles through boxes of old photos, childhood items you brought with you, nothing really clueing him in about your interests.

as he hunches over your desk drawers, he notices a familiar piece of paper. he recognized the material from usopp’s sketch book, it was unmistakable. unfolding the page, he scans over the drawing with wide eyes.

both his and your image is illustrated on the page, an unmistakable blush colored your cheeks as doodle him smiled so brightly at you. it was strange to see his features detailed this way, he doesn't even remember being so happy.

unless...

the day flashes back through his mind; it was one of the first times he realized how severe his feelings had grown to be.

you two were resting on the mast of the sunny together, zoro was teasing sanji per usual and you just happened to join in. when he listened to your soft giggles escape your lips, attempting to hold yourself back as sanji’s rage increased, zoro found a new, more enticing reason to tease the cook.

usopp must’ve happened to witness the whole event, enough to capture the image in his sketch book, at least.

“nami?”

your voice breaks the silence in the room, immediately jolting zoro’s body as he attempts to put the drawing back exactly where it had been.

as your footsteps ascend from down the hall, he begins to panic, searching for any place to hide in the room.

“zoro? what’re you doing in here?” you question, glancing around the room noticing your side had become noticeably disheveled from when you left it this morning.

his mouth runs dry as he tries to think of any excuse that could save him right now. “you see, luffy, he, uh—“

“were you searching through my stuff?”

you step towards him, causing him to back up until he reaches the desk he was once inspecting. the items on top rattle as his large body collides with them as you stand merely inches away from him.

“and why do you seem so nervous?” you smirk, dragging a finger up his stiffened arm until you reach underneath his chin.

he can’t seem to look away from you as you glance up at him through your lashes.

“i, uh—i got to go, sorry,” he screeches, somehow slipping out from your body and darting for the door.

you giggle to yourself, noticing the ajar drawer in your desk. you collect the piece of paper he was mesmerized by before, smiling back towards his exit.

likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated! (✿◠‿◠)

#roronoa zoro #roronoa zoro x reader #zoro x reader #one piece #one piece x reader

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cepheustarot · 3 months

Text

What awaits you in February?

Attention! This reading is for entertainment purposes only. This tarot reading does not give a 100% guarantee that all the described situations will occur or being ultimate truth. You build your own life and destiny and only you know yourself best.

Paid readings

Pick a pile. Choose one or more pictures. Trust your intuition.

Pile 1: The first half of February will be calm for you, you will have everything stable in all spheres of life. If you have had problems in any area or in any situation, they will be resolved safely. You can improve your health in this month, you will sleep more often, more often spend time with yourself or others (if you did not have enough). You can also meet your family, you can go somewhere together and it will be a pleasant time for you, the days with family or close people will leave pleasant memories for you or at least will lift your mood.

Coming up, this month, you will have unexpected news, unexpected offer and opportunity. In short, you will be offered two options that can greatly influence your plans, can bring you new experiences and overall can bring you closer to realizing your dream. You will also take this seriously and responsibly, as it will all depend on you. But always choose what your heart tells you.

At the end of the month, you’re going to be participating in some kind of event, maybe it’s going to be volunteer work, or you’re going to be giving your lectures, you’re going to give courses for people, maybe you’re going to be performing on stage for people. You can also come to someone’s lectures (outside of school/work) or come to a meeting with people who you admire and inspire you.

Pile 2: Frankly speaking, you will have a depressed, sad mood throughout the month, you may face apathy, irritability or your mood will change very often. At the beginning of the month a situation will happen that you could not have imagined that it would happen: perhaps you will quarrel with an important person for you and stop communicating, or you will be strongly framed by a person who feels dislike for you, or your plans will collapse and this will lead you mislead, since you have no idea what to do next, you were literally burning with your idea, and now everything has turned out differently.

Next, you will decide for yourself that the best thing to do now is to take a break, move away from the consequences of the situation, restore your strength and your health. Here you can close yourself off from people and start spending more time with yourself, go somewhere far from the place of residence, get new emotions and strength. In general, you can discover new places or discover new hobbies. All of this will help you on your path to healing, but I can’t say yet that it will put you back on your feet, but it will contribute to that. You can also buy yourself everything that you wanted, but could not buy for some reason, you will please yourself here in any way.

At the end of the month, you’ll feel better, your irritability will be minimized, you’ll start opening up to people, reconnecting with someone. In general, you will feel that you are ready to return to the usual rhythm of life, and some will completely decide to change something in your life, to start from scratch.

Pile 3: At the beginning of the month, you may quarrel or you may have a misunderstanding with your father, your brother, your friend or your lover, in general, there will be a situation related to a male person close to you. Perhaps he will not compromise with you or do something wrong, as you told him, and therefore you will have a conflict situation that will make you worry. But fortunately, this situation will be resolved, you will find a way out of it, the person will meet you and everything will end well for the two of you.

Further, during the month there may be many holidays, important events to which you will be invited and at which you will be present. It will be generally fun days, where you get a lot of positive emotions and pleasant memories, you can these days get very close to someone or meet new people with whom you will have a friendly dialogue. In general, you will feel good here.

At the end of the month you may have problems at work/school, in particular it will be related to the team. You may work together on a project or have a group activity, but your group or team will consist of completely different people with different views. This can prevent you from working smoothly, work as a team, as you may have disputes about any little things. As I see it, in the end you will decide to disband the team or move to another one altogether, where you will not have quarrels and misunderstandings.

Thank you for reading! I will be glad of any feedback 🖤

#tarot #tarot cards #pick a card #pick a card reading #pick a pile #pick a pile reading #pac

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herohimbowhore · 3 months

Text

2023 Special Helmets: An Analysis

Helmets are where we get to see the creativity and personality of drivers come alive. Not too long ago, I looked at and analyzed the normal helmets that all 22 drivers wore. That analysis was heavily focused on color because there isn't much room for creativity in those helmets and color is one of the main things that drivers can play around with to show their individuality and creativity.

However, with the special helmets drivers wear during the season, we see much more about the drivers and their creativity.

In the 2023 season, there were 23 events (with the 22 grand prix weekends and preseason testing) in which a special helmet could be worn, and with 20 drivers on the grid at any given event, there was potential for 460 special helmets. Obviously, every driver isn't going to have a special helmet for every single event.

However, there were 114 instances (that I was able to identify) in which drivers wore a special helmet. Or 114/460 = 0.248 = 24.8% Which is a far cry from the days were drivers were only allowed one special helmet per season.

Methodology

After combing through social media posts, news articles, images from race weekends, and different sessions, I was able to identify 114 instances in which the 22 drivers who participated in the 2023 season wore a helmet that was not their "normal" helmet. I went through this process approximately three times to ensure that I didn't miss anything, but I was doing a lot of this during the end of my thesis and finals time, so there might be some things I missed. In which case please do let me know.

All of this data was put into a spreadsheet:

The next step was to organize the data and find the meanings given by the drivers for why they wore the special helmets. This again meant more time for social media posts and news articles.

With the data gathered, there was a need for analysis. While the individual stories behind the helmets are very interesting on their own, they don't tell us much about special helmets as a whole.

The first method of analysis was the number of special helmets per driver. While it sounds straightforward, some drivers did reuse special helmets for more than one race.

The next method of analysis was the number of special helmets per event. Though in the spreadsheet, the Qatar GP and sprint are separately listed due to Pierre having two helmets that weekend, I did count it as one event because it is the only instance in which two helmets were worn in one weekend.

The last method of analysis was the reasoning for the special helmet. In this, the possible reasons for the helmet were considered. Essentially, what was the reason for having a special helmet - as it was given by the driver/team/helmet design?

For this last analysis, I created 21 different reasonings based on the data I had gathered during the research phase. Most of the helmets fit into more than one of the following reasons:

Host Tribute: The helmet heavily features a design related to the city or country they are racing in. It somehow is a tribute to the host.

Team Home Race: The helmet was worn during a race in which the team is somehow based. This could also be a main sponsor home race, i.e., Honda or Alfa Romeo.

Inaugural Race: The first time a race was held at the location.

Home Race: A race in the country that the driver was born in, races for, etc.

Sponsor Collaboration: A driver partnered with a sponsor and it is clearly visible in the design.

Vibes: There's no explanation that I could find.

Livery Match: The helmet features design elements similar to a one-off/special livery.

Team Milestone: The race is a major milestone for the team and the driver has some sort of tribute for it.

Tribute Helmet: The helmet is meant to be a tribute to someone(s) special to the driver. Could be F1-related people or people that are special in their personal livers.

Race Milestone: The race is a major milestone for the driver.

WDC: This one is just for Max Verstappen and the helmet he was gifted by Red Bull after winning the WDC in Qatar.

Artist Collaboration: The driver worked with an artist that was specifically stated.

Night Race: This was only used if I could not find any other explanation for the helmet, and it featured either glitter or chrome.

Race Beginnings Tribute: The explanation for the helmet somehow relates it back to the beginnings of their racing career. Color or design elements from first helmets.

Team Tribute: The helmet is meant to show love and appreciation for the team.

Movie Release Collaboration: The helmet corresponds to a movie that is soon to be released.

Honorary Home Race: While not the driver's home race, the country has become like home and/or taken them in as one of their own.

Investor Tribute: Helmet showcases something meaningful to a team investor.

Embodies the Samurai Spirit: Fernando Alonso's samurai tattoo and love for Samurai culture.

Comeback Race: This was only used for Daniel Ricciardo in Hungary because there was no other reason for the special honey badger on the back of his helmet and it quite clearly said "I'm Back."

Last Race: While Abu Dhabi was a night race, the helmet used during the race did not feature glitter or chrome. It was just a special design different from the normal helmet worn.

There was a caveat with the host tribute and team home race. A helmet that featured location-specific designs was either counted as a host tribute or a team home race. So a Haas driver with a special helmet In the US would be considered for a team home race, not a host tribute, whereas a Ferrari driver with a US-themed helmet would be considered a host tribute. Additionally, for the Las Vegas Grand Prix, special helmets were considered as inaugural race helmets, not host tributes. Unless it was for the Haas drivers, in which case it was a team home race and inaugural race helmet.

Analysis

How Many Special Helmets Were There Per Driver?

There were a total of 114 instances in which a special helmet was worn. However, there were not 114 different special helmets worn. In quite a few cases a special helmet design was repeated over 2 or more race weekends.

Max Verstappen wore a special helmet at 10 different race weekends, but for five of those weekends, he was wearing his WDC helmet. The WDC helmet was given to him after winning the championship during the Sprint race. It was then worn for the Qatar Grand Prix, in Austin, Mexico, Brazil, and Abu Dhabi. So while he wore a special helmet for 10 race weekends, there were only 6 different special helmet designs worn by him. Sergio Perez wore a special helmet at 5 different race weekends. Unlike his fellow Red Bull driver, he did not repeat a special helmet during the season. Each helmet had a distinct design to fit the race weekend.

Charles Leclerc wore a special helmet at 7 different race weekends, whereas Carlos Sainz wore a special helmet at 5 different race weekends. Neither Ferrari driver repeated a special helmet design during the season.

Lewis Hamilton had 2 special helmets during the 2023 season - the second least amount of special helmets for a driver who raced for the entire season. As such, he did not repeat any special helmet designs. Meanwhile, George Russell wore a special helmet at 3 different events. However, he only had 2 distinct designs as the special helmets for testing and the Bahrain Grand Prix were the same.

Lando Norris wore a special helmet at 7 different race weekends. However, he wore the same special helmets for Monaco and Spain, which happened to correlate with the McLaren Triple Crown special livery for those weekends. Oscar Piastri wore a special helmet at 5 different race weekends. Like his teammate, he wore the same special helmets for Monaco and Spain which correlated with the Triple Crown livery.

Esteban Ocon wore a special helmet at 11 different race weekends, which was the most special helmets worn by a driver. However, while he wore the most special helmets, Esteban did wear the same helmet for 4 weekends (testing, Bahrain GP, Saudi Arabia, and Australia). The Baku helmet was the same as his regular helmet, but instead of black lines, he had white lines. So, Esteban did have the most special helmets, it was largely due to a repeat of special helmets at the beginning of the season. There were only 8 distinct special helmet designs. Pierre Gasly wore 8 special helmets during the 2023 season. Each special helmet had a distinct design, Pierre even went so far as to have 2 different special helmets for the Qatar race weekend.

Fernando Alonso wore 3 special helmets during the 2023 season and was one of the few drivers who did not have a special helmet design for his home Grand Prix. Teammate Lance Stroll had 4 special helmet designs for the 2023 season.

Valtteri Bottas had 9 special helmets for the 2023 season and no repeats at any point in the year. He had the most distinct special helmets. Notably, most of Valtteri's special helmets were designed by professional cyclist and partner, Tiffany Cromwell. While Alfa Romeo had been largely forgotten during the season, Valtteri's helmets were extremely memorable with the fun and creative designs. Zhou Guanyu had 6 special helmets for the 2023 season and there were no repeats in special helmets. However, at least one design was the same as his regular helmet but with the colors changed to fit the race weekend.

Nico Hulkenberg wore 6 special helmets during the season. However, his special helmets for Austin and Las Vegas are seemingly the same helmet, while the Abu Dhabi helmet was his normal helmet but with chrome where it used to be white. Kevin Magnussen also had 6 special helmets for the 2023 season. Each helmet was distinct in its design, however like Nico, the Abu Dhabi helmet was his regular helmet with chrome details where it had been white.

Alex Albon had 5 special helmets for the 2023 season. Alex used the same special helmet for Silverstone and Hungary, otherwise the 799th and 800th races for Williams. Logan Sargeant had the least special helmets for a driver who participated in all 22 races with just 1 for his home race of Miami.

Yuku Tsunoda had 6 special helmets for the 2023 season. However, 3 of the special helmets were his regular helmet, but with different colors to fit the race weekends. Daniel Ricciardo had 4 special helmets for the 2023 season. However, he wore the Las Vegas helmet for Abu Dhabi as well. Nyck De Vries had 1 special helmet and Liam Lawson had no special helmets.

In the end, there were a total of 101 distinct special helmet designs worn in total.

How Many Special Helmets Were There Per Race?

For this analysis, there were a total of 23 weekends that a special helmet could have been worn - testing and 22 races.

Of the 23 weekends, there was only one event that had no special helmets from any driver. Austria was the only race without at least one special helmet for the entirety of the weekend. Considering that Austria is the home race for Red Bull and the race was at the Red Bull Ring, it was somewhat surprising to see that there were no special helmets by any of the Red Bull drivers.

The race with the most special helmets was the Las Vegas Grand Prix. It was the inaugural race and 16 of the 20 drivers had a special helmet for the race weekend that either fit the Vegas vibe or was glittery/chrome for the night race. A consistent theme was that the American races had the most special helmets. In Miami, 11 drivers had special helmets, and in Austin, 9 drivers had special helmets. I believe that this could largely be due to sponsors and a push towards engaging the US markets. Additionally, it was only the second race in Miami and COTA has always been a race that drivers/teams go all out for.

Also, notably, Qatar had 3 special helmets, but only 2 drivers due to Pierre Gasly having 2 different special helmets for the weekend. He had one for the sprint and one for the Grand Prix.

How Many Special Helmets Were There Per Reason?

As I mentioned above, 21 different reasons were given for wearing a special helmet. In most cases, there were multiple reasons or explanations for why a driver chose a special helmet for a race weekend. Some reasons were much more common than others.

Most commonly, drivers chose to wear a special helmet to honor the city or country they were racing in. These helmets had some sort of design elements that paid tribute to the city or country. So think of the Monaco helmets. A lot of them featured iconic parts of the city. For example, Valtteri Bottas' helmet, while Pac-Man themed had different parts of the Monaco track like the tunnel and piscine. Kevin Magnussen's Monaco helmet also featured iconic Monaco imagery.

The next most common reason was an inaugural race special helmet with 16 of the 20 drivers having a special helmet for Las Vegas.

Home races were also a very common reason for a special helmet, whether it was for a team home race (15), a driver's home race (10), or an honorary home race (2).

There were a lot of milestones celebrated this year for teams and drivers when it came to the number of races that they'd completed. Most notably, Williams reached 800 races, Lando Norris competed in 100 races (as did George Russell, while he did not have a special helmet for the occasion, Mercedes did release vintage-style merch that coincided with George's 100th race weekend), and Charles Leclerc reached 100 race entries with Ferrari the same weekend as Lando and George. While Charles did have a special helmet for the race weekend, it was not originally for that purpose. The original meaning behind his football field special helmet was a host tribute, but when his race milestone was brought up he attributed the green of the football field to Italian pop singer Gianni Morandi's green meadow where hopes are born and connected it to Ferrari.

Concluding Remarks

Special helmets reveal so much about drivers and what they deem important or worthy of a special helmet. Each special helmet is unique in its own way.

Something I found very interesting is that of the 11 drivers who wore special helmets in Miami, only Nico Hulkenberg did not have a hint of pink on his helmet. While still very Miami, he didn't have the iconic pink color that the other 10 drivers did. And while that can mean absolutely nothing, looking at that in context to his tweet about the pink Force India, it's a little bit more than just not having pink on his helmet.

Or based on Fernando Alonso's Japan helmet, you could go into the connection he's had with Samurais and his back tattoo and nickname.

These special helmets open new avenues to understanding how drivers think and which narratives they want to highlight. There may not be extensive stories to tell with each helmet, but a good chunk of them can take you down a few different paths to understand either the drivers or the teams that they drive for.

And finally, after looking at 101 different helmet designs, here are some of my personal favorites

Share your favorite helmets or least favorite helmets - I have pictures of all the ones used for this analysis in the Google Docs link attached.

Notes for Special Helmets: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WWx8gVzkMzy_l6zwG0u1Vx2mAzPOjK3LqOLaz8z6v3w/edit?usp=sharing (I may have been a hater during some of my notes, but in my defense, I was tipsy and I'd looked at a lot of helmets and articles)

2023 Helmets Analysis

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sepublic · 22 days

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The Owl House's Ending Anniversary...

So it's officially been one whole year since The Owl House ended.

One year ago, I wondered how I would move on. How I would keep going. But I also knew I would, no matter what, because time keeps going on. Things will eventually pass, they always do, that's how so many moments and days for me have gone. Even entire periods of my life.

So I'm not surprised how things have gone on since then; I still had plenty more things to say about TOH, and I still love it just as I have. I've gotten new hyperfixations, and even returned to old ones as some of you can see with recent posts, so it's only a matter of time before TOH circles back again.

And man does it feel so slow, only to feel so brief, it really feels like this anniversary has snuck up on and surprised me! And once again, we have some other, appropriate event lined up; A solar eclipse on this anniversary! Luckily there's no sigils nor coven heads gathered to make me worry. But dang, it was raining in Connecticut when Luz returned there, and it was the rebirth of Jesus when Luz was resurrected.

Makes me wonder if anyone of the Boiling Isles, justifiably, has had PTSD from solar eclipses, and dreaded any that showed up, despite knowing it couldn't happen again. People must've held their breaths the entire time during the first eclipse, panicked at even the slightest fatigue, and then it passed and they realized it really was impermanent and over. And that there was another step towards moving on, which I guess I can relate to now, though this is something I'm much less happy to see gone.

I think a lot about how TOH has influenced both me and my writing, how I approach characters and stories now. I've found myself gravitating more and more towards personal, character-driven stories and situations now. I still have a bit of a taste for grander-scale stuff, but TOH was special for me in that it feels like the first time I really got and understood a show and its characters from the ground-up as I experienced it all in real time. The first time I truly grasped themes and character arcs and could make reasoned predictions based on those, some of which came true! It really feels like THE big start of my media literacy in a way?

It's been fun looking back at TOH as a 'whole' work more or less to reevaluate, and learning other things behind-the-scenes about the show. We've had a few more livestreams and stuff confirmed. Dana's done more drawings, including on her Patreon.

I haven't been writing as much TOH stuff lately, and tbf I've already said soooo much. I might have other, new things to say later down the line, and I do have a few thoughts I've written in notes that maybe could be fully-fledged posts in their own right. I've found comparisons to protagonists of other media, like Miles Morales, or Arin from Ninjago.

The Owl House still is and will probably always be something truly special to me; It feels like my first real fandom experience. My first time understanding and learning a show, appreciating it as it develops and even as I speculate. It broadened my tastes and horizons, my ability to participate with others in stuff.

I miss it; I miss new episodes, new developments. I'm still agonized over things that could've been, things I would've loved to see more of. I'm apprehensive over whether we'll get that Raeda prequel because I don't wanna get my hopes up. Plus Dana needs a well-deserved break and is trying and experimenting with new, different things. And I get that.

It's bittersweet, it's scary, it's freeing, it's sad, it's happy. I've gone so far, this show and fandom has gone so far. And it'll keep going, it has to, time keeps marching on. Luz had to lose her father Manny, process that, but still keep going and must be surprised looking back how much she's adjusted since then, how much she's still grown and gained and learned, while still holding him dear; The same applies for the Titan and the magic she once wielded. With grief and acceptance being a core theme in this show, I'm not surprised that it prepped up the viewers to do the same, and now we have.

And you know what? I'm gonna keep going on, like Luz Noceda, possibly my favorite protagonist of all time, one of the greats and a huge inspiration now for how I really want to write and focus on my own protagonists, too. I'm gonna keep doing this like it never ended. The rate and frequency might fluctuate, but every now and then I'll have things to say, and stuff to drop by and check, such as with the tag and the occasional trending post, others' reblogs, and so forth.

So again, thanks to Dana and the crew. Thanks to Luz Noceda, Eda Clawthorne, King Clawthorne, and the other many, many characters! Luz's story is one where it feels like the show really is about her at its core and wraps around to her, and I want to do a story one day that accomplishes the same feeling. And as I see how Dana has been inspired by past influences, I can't help but look forward to future generations and stories that will themselves have been inspired by The Owl House, I know I've been already, retroactively applying it to things that were already fairly compatible to begin with, and really needed the fresh breath of new inspiration.

I'm repeating a lot of the same things I've said last year. Will I say the same stuff another whole year from now? I'll see. But until next time... BBBBYYYYYYEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

#the owl house #ramblings #meta #nostalgia #psa #the owl house anniversary

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bluishfrog · 8 days

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HAPPY 1-YEAR OF DRAWING ANNIVERSARY TO ME!

(Warning: slightly longer post incoming cause sometimes I gotta be a sentimental bitch ok? So let's go on a little trip down memory lane.)

This day, a year ago, I made my very first fanart. It was dnf (if that surprises you, then welcome to being on my blog for the very first time). I drew a little frog face too so I could use it as a watermark (fun fact: I still use that very same first one).

I immediately put my drawing up on twt because I told myself that I wasn't gonna be afraid of having people see that I was at the very beginning of this journey and had no clue what I was doing. That instead of being bad at art, I was gonna be awesome at being a beginner who doesn't know shit.

I started with little doodles and silly comics and then I laughed way too long when the first drawing of mine that gained some attention was a dnf butt joke. At the time I was trying to balance shipping and non-shipping art so I didn't even draw dnf that much but in hindsight it's probably the only possible way this could have gone.

At the very end of August I woke up to @honelle56 caps-locking at me in my messages - I was very confused and tired (I am no morning person and I will never be, fuck off with your mornings) because Dranart liked my drawing of singing Dream. Dranart was my 17th follower on twt which is a useless yet extremely funny fact about my time on that hellsite.

I also drew human!patches because a) patches was and will always be my favorite dteam member and b) it was a really cute trend and while I do love drawing dream, george and sapnap, I was also quite happy to try drawing anything but a white man for once. And I really liked how the drawing turned out.

Much, much later, I tried to draw my first slightly more realistic looking drawing. I was extremely confused on how to draw anything like this. Especially their hair gave me tons of trouble but given my experience, I think it's not a bad attempt.

When hijacked smp started I obviously wanted to participate, and I drew c!blu who doesn't associate with any side in particular but instead serves soup to everyone who visits her tavern 'The Soup House'. She also wants to be paid in stories from all around the map.

One of the events I was most excited about was dnf week. I even collaborated with two talented writers and I drew the corresponding art for two fics.

(Fun or not so fun fact: when twt had like three hundred collaborative aneurysms about the situation at that moment, that was when I created this tumblr account. I didn't use it super actively (I guess I needed another situation to fully make the switch) but I at least started the account that now developed quite a bit since then.)

I didn't really draw at all through January and February and I actually kinda thought I would move on from that hobby and fandom (not because of negative feelings, just because I didn't really have the urge to create anything within this fandom) and then situations happened and now I am here; and for some reason that is beyond any logic and my understanding I am now even more insane about dteam.

Wild to me but we are rolling with it now, I guess.

Since I got here, I drew more than ever (I actually think I might have made more drawings in the month since I got here than I made the whole rest of the year). There's just such an active and funny community here that cares about fan works for the sake of creating and not just because a CC might see it.

Unfortunately, Tumblr won't let me add more than 10 images in one post (maybe fortunately for everyone who has this monstrosity of a post on their dash). So if you want to see all the progress I made since I got here, you can look at everything in my art tag. For now, I will close this post with one of the art works from the past month that I like the most:

Can't wait to see what the next year might bring :)

Love, blu

#blu rambles #like a LOT #but if you made it to the end of this post you get a hug <3 #bluishfrog art

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bzhitstruth · 2 months

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About hints and patterns

Throughout the history of GGDD, we have noticed that they sometimes act as messenger birds for each other - one hints at some event, and then it happens to other. This is a direct hint.

But there is another type of hints - when the event that one of them hints at has already happened before, but we don’t know about it yet and don't understand this hint. But then the other person tells us about this event, and only then does it become clear to us that the hint has already been made. If we don't consider this a coincidence, then we will have to admit that such information could have been known to another person only through personal communication, because it was not publicly known about it.

I want to recall a few examples of such cases, they occurred over a not very long period of time - less than a year.

All this is fake, CPN and empty thoughts. Clownery. 🤡

DD's “Water show” — GG's vlog

On July 10, 2023, the event was held in Beijing dedicated to the premiere of One and only. DD participated in it, he danced and splashed water on the audience. While dansing DD made a couple of gestures that the turtles paid attention to - the “figure eight” and the famous “chongya” gesture. Everyone, of course, remembered the meaning of these gestures and was glad that DD made them. But then it turned out that he did them for a reason.

On July 11, GG’s vlog was released, and suddenly both of these gestures appeared in this vlog. Can this be considered two coincidences that occurred within 24 hours?

No one, of course, knew in advance what would be in GG’s vlog, the vlog was filmed a long time ago, but it turns out that DD knew this the day before the vlog was released.

Leica

October 3, 2023 DD, while in Paris, shows off his Leica camera. The turtles remembered that once upon a time GG also had Leica, and assumed that DD probably received the gift from GG.

But the next time a shocking surprise awaits us - at midnight from October 4 to 5, the congratulation to GG appears on his birthday and GG's photos with Leica, and even the camera model is similar. GG’s photos were taken back in the summer, and DD told us that “GG will appear with Leica tomorrow.” In this case, the version of coincidence seems quite weak.

"Do everything for your love"

On November 8, 2023, a new DD endorsement (YaYa) was released. A post appears on the brand’s Weibo account, the text of which contains words spoken about DD: “他为热爱全力以赴” (“he does everything for love”).

On November 9, NARS live stream with GG is released, at the end of which GG gives the wish speech, including saying: “希望大家为自己热爱全力以赴” (“I hope everyone will do everything for their love”).

As you can see, he uses the same phrase almost verbatim. It is not known what of this happened first - the stream was recorded or the advertising text was agreed upon, but if this accordance was intentional, then it was possible to find out the details only through personal communication. It could be a coincidence, but after a few months the following happens:

GG's vlog - Anta advertising

On March 1, 2024, XZS posts Milan vlog, where the viewer is offered the concept of a circle and round objects, the idea of the cycle of life or another interpretation. The image of the moon also runs throughout the vlog.

On March 2, the advertisement for Anta is released, in the video we see a suspiciously similar concept - a round basketball that flashes throughout the entire video and (suddenly!) turns into the moon above building, and the drawing of a lace that resembles the stylized name “border” in GG's vlog. There are even sunset. Even the text for the post uses the same words 边界 (“border”) - 去探索，多元未知的边界 "Go explore diverse and unknown borders” (full video is here).

I don't know what the brand had in mind, unless consider it pure coincidence, but they certainly couldn't make an ad copying GG's vlog concept overnight! Of course, it was known about the “border” and the stylization of the name since the GG's October vlog, but a circle, a setting sun, a ball that turns into the moon? Next day. How?

The Coin

And now, this coin. Five days passed between GG's vlog and the release of Chang Feng Po Lang trailer, but the consistent appearance of the coin that is the "protagonist" of the vlog and the coin that DD rubs his cheek with in the trailer is amazing. If you pay attention, even the sizes of these coins are the same.

I don’t think that the image of the coin in the vlog was subordinated only to the idea of hinting at the imminent release of the series with DD, probably the idea is much deeper, but what do we know about GG’s creative thinking and about his ability to convey a message very subtly?

All this could be considered coincidences if this didn't happen so often and according to the same pattern: event - hint – explanation. I’m sure I haven’t listed everything and there is more, this is just what I noticed.

Perhaps this is one of the things that keeps us firmly in this "rabbit hole" - their connection, which sometimes manifests itself in unexpected ways, their ingenuity to show this connection. I would compare them to the ocean, which always seems to remain the same, but which you never get tired of looking at.

💚❤️.

#yizhan #bjyx #bjyxszd #cpn #just imagination #ggdd secrets #yizhan my love #i think too much

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elvenbeard · 4 months

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◲ Omikuji ◱

V: "Okay, I told you mine, what's yours sayin'?"

Kerry: "Oh, next year's gonna be my year, baby. Every song's gonna go through the roof, gonna get so many new fans, money, fame... And it even says I'm gonna get laid this very night!"

V: "Uh-huh... does it also say 'draw the most specific fortune anyone's ever gotten'?"

Happy New Year from Vince and Kerry and me :3

I mentioned before that Vince isn't very religious or keen on traditions, not a big celebrator of Christmas either. There is one exception though, and that's going to the Shinto shrine on New Year's to draw a fortune. He always went there as a kid with his father, celebrating Hatsumōde, probably the only real bonding moments they ever had. So, when he later returns as an adult for the first time, it was a very bittersweet moment. Similarly, when Kerry lived in Tokyo still, I bet he also participated in this tradition with his family at least a few times, whenever he wasn't on tour or otherwise occupied.

So, back in Night City now, even better to make some new, happier memories together :D

I also made and alt-version (which was my original idea for this piece actually, but for reasons I changed it slightly XD), below the cut, which is more fitting for my personal timeline of events if this scene takes places on New Year's 2077/2078 :3

I hope you like either picture and thanks for reading all my ramblings <3 XD

He's fine, I promise!!! Or he will be, on the way to recovery xD I touched upon Vince getting some kind of treatment/surgery to deal with the Relic post-Sun-Ending in my fic and in some VP before, and at first I actually wanted to just post this version... but he looks so different with his iconic rattail gone, and I love drawing it, so yeah XD Two versions it is!

Also, since Omikuji vending machines are an actual thing, I think they probably have these in Night City as well... and despite all the wonders and horrors of our dystopian future, I like the idea that you still get your fortunes printed on old-fashioned paper so you can tie them on a tree or string if they're bad luck XD The good old clash between tradition and process I love so much about this world.

Good fortune for your 2024, with money, fame, and getting everything else fulfilled that you're into and hope for xDD

#cyberpunk 2077 #cp2077 #cyberpunk 2077 fanart #cp2077 fanart #cyberpunk fanart #cyberpunk kerry #cyberpunk v #male v cyberpunk #kerry eurodyne #kerry eurodyne x v #kerry x v #vincent ezaki #otp: to bad decisions #art by me #I think this is one of my favourite pieces of them I've ever made so far #really happy with their expressions and likenesses and yeah #also when I get around finally to modding clothes again... I wanna make neokitsch recolors for the kimono so badly xD

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misc-obeyme · 8 months

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Oh damn if I'm not too late, maybe "I just wanted to make sure you're okay." with Levi?

Hello, anon!

Okay, this one ended up being hurt/comfort. I almost wrote the whole thing without including the dialogue prompt, too. But I realized I hadn't used it yet while I was writing the part where I did end up using it lol. So it was easy enough to fix that.

As always, Levi's anxiety and low self esteem hits close to home for me and that always makes him a liiiittle hard to write for. BUT I feel like I'm getting the hang of it maybe. I had less of an issue with this one than I did with his daily chat scene, anyway.

Thanks for participating!

1,000 Followers Event!

GN!MC x Leviathan with prompt "I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

Warnings: hurt/comfort, the usual Levi anxiety and such, brief appearances and mentions of the other brothers

Everybody knew that you were close with Leviathan. The other brothers never said it, but it was clear from the way they looked at the two of you, always together, always talking animatedly about your shared interests. Everyone noticed the amount of time you spent in Levi's room, watching anime and playing video games. Even Lotan seemed fond of you.

Levi was the only one who didn't quite realize the special bond you had. Not because he didn't notice how often you were with him, but because he simply couldn't believe that you would be interested in someone like him. There must be some other reason why you were always hanging around him. It was probably because video games and anime reminded you of the human world where you had enjoyed such interests before you were brought to the Devildom.

Levi easily explained away the things you did that didn't fit this narrative. He told himself he was imagining things when you smiled brightly any time he entered the room. He convinced himself that he was just the closest person any time you turned to him when you needed something.

Every day, he talked himself out of the idea that you might just like him for himself. Levi just couldn't wrap his head around that at all.

A few of his brothers tried to clue him in, but Levi came up with excuses for everything they said, too. Most of them gave up, but they were all equally annoyed at the way he seemed determined not to see your true feelings.

The truth was that Levi was too scared to confront you about it. It was just so much easier to pretend it wasn't happening. Especially since you hadn't actually told anyone that you felt anything for him beyond the casual friendship he kept believing your relationship was. What if everybody was wrong, like he suspected they were? He couldn't handle your rejection. It was too much to even think about it.

And yet things couldn't continue this way and everything changed one lazy afternoon. Everyone was at the House of Lamentation since it was the weekend. Lucifer was holed up in his office doing paperwork and Beel was no doubt in the kitchen, but everyone else was in the common room, doing various activities.

Even Levi was out of his room, though he was still playing a handheld video game. You were sitting beside him, watching over his shoulder. This was a fairly normal activity for the two of you. You both enjoyed watching the other person play and after a while, Levi would hand the game over to you so he could watch for a bit.

Asmo was sitting at the table bedazzling a new bag he had bought recently and Mammon was on the other side of you, scrolling through his D.D.D.

Across from where you and Levi sat, Satan and Belphie were in discussion about their latest idea for pranking Lucifer.

Satan was holding open a book of spells. "If I'm interpreting this correctly, it will cause the person it hits to state their deepest secret out loud."

"LMAO," Levi said from where he was listening in. "Do you really think a curse like that would work on Lucifer?"

"If we're sneaky enough and he doesn't see it coming, it might," Belphie said.

Levi handed you the video game so you could start playing. "You guys aren't sneaky enough to pull that off."

"We should probably test it," Satan said, still looking at the book. "I wouldn't want to successfully hit Lucifer with a curse only to find out it doesn't work as we thought."

Before anyone could do or say anything else, Satan recited the spell. It hit Levi squarely in the chest.

Levi fell back into the couch with a thud. "Even though everybody thinks MC likes me, I know they only hang out with me because my interests remind them of home!"

The silence that filled the room was broken only by the slap of Levi clapping his hands over his mouth and the cutesy music coming from the handheld device that had gone limp in your hands.

"Well, now we know it works," Belphie said mildly.

You looked at Levi, but he couldn't bring himself to meet your gaze. "Do you really think that?" you asked, the pain evident in your voice.

Levi wasn't sure what to say. If he denied it, you would know he was lying, but if he said yes…

He couldn't look at you and he couldn't say anything and he couldn't move. All he could do was sit there with his hands covering his mouth, his eyes squeezed shut.

Levi heard the sound of you putting the video game down on the table. He could hear you getting up from the sofa, heard the hitch in your breath as though you were trying to hold back your tears. Levi heard when you left the room, closing the door behind you.

"They're gone," Mammon said.

Levi opened his eyes and slowly lowered his hands.

"You're not really going to just let them go like that, are you?" Asmo asked.

Levi glared at him for a moment, then glared at Satan. "Why would you do that?"

Satan blinked. "I had no idea you would say that. I thought for certain you would say something about your favorite anime character. It seemed safe enough."

"Ya better go after 'em, Levi," Mammon said.

Levi considered this. They were right, of course. He couldn't just let you go. He had to go after you. He had to tell you why he continued to force himself to believe something that deep down he knew wasn't true. It was going to be the most terrifying thing he had ever done, but he had to do it. Not for himself. For you. The pain he had heard in your voice was more than enough motivation to help him overcome the fear of facing you.

Levi didn't say anything to his brothers. He simply stood up from the couch and went to look for you.

The first place Levi went was your room, but you weren't there. He poked his head into Lucifer's office only to receive a glare from Lucifer himself. You weren't there, either. He found Beel in the kitchen, but you were still nowhere to be seen. He checked the music room, the planetarium, the living room, the attic, even his brothers' rooms. Where else could you have gone? Did you leave the house all together? He checked the garden, but you weren't there, either. Perhaps you went to Purgatory Hall? Or the Demon Lord's Castle? Or somewhere else entirely?

Levi sighed. If he was going to leave the house to look for you, he wanted to be prepared. So he went to his room to grab a few things.

Levi opened the door to his bedroom and stopped dead in his tracks.

There you were, sitting in his bathtub, hugging yourself and looking miserable.

"MC?" he asked, too surprised to see you to do anything else.

You looked up at him and frowned. "What are you doing here?"

Levi blinked. "This is my room."

You looked around the room as though you were surprised to find yourself there. "Oh. Right."

"I was looking for you everywhere," Levi said. "I searched the whole house. Were you here the whole time?"

You didn't answer him, only ducked your head down and hugged yourself harder, your knees pulled up as you slumped down in his tub.

Levi closed the door to his room. He sat down on the floor next to the tub and looked down at his hands. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

When you didn't say anything, Levi began to ramble. "It's just that you're so cool and I'm so lame and I couldn't believe that you would actually like me just because I'm me and I knew it wasn't like that really, but it was too scary to think-"

"Levi."

Levi stopped talking and looked up at you. Your gaze was on the far wall.

"I came to your room instead of going to mine because this is where I feel safe," you said. "I feel safe when I'm here with you. And it isn't because of the anime or the video games or any of that. It's because of you. I thought you knew that."

"I did!" Levi insisted, then corrected himself. "I do. I do know it, MC."

You looked at him then, reaching a hand over the top of the tub, offering it to him. "Just get in here and hug me, won't you?"

Levi stood up immediately, grabbing your hand and climbing into the tub with you. You didn't even hesitate, collapsing forward into him, wrapping your arms around his torso, resting your head on his chest.

Levi felt himself blush profusely, but he didn't say anything or try to pull away. Instead he just returned your embrace, holding you close in his arms.

"I like you, Levi," you said, your face pressed into his chest.

Levi's blush deepened, but he powered through it. "I… I-I like you, too, MC."

Even though Levi's anxiety was sky high, even though he was still nervous to be this close to you, he was also the happiest he had ever been in his life. Holding you close like that, hearing you say that you liked him, being able to say it back, everything about these moments filled him with a joy he'd never known. He vowed to never hurt you again, to only ever tell you how he really felt, what he really meant. He vowed not to let his own insecurity get in the way of the truth of your heart.

1,000 Followers Event | masterlist | Thank you for reading!

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