#I get paranoid abt that sometimes

[canidundrum]

I love working in the mall sometimes cuz I’ll see kids who are probably like 10-12 and they’ll have on a tail or ears or fur gloves and I’m like damn I WISH I had your vibes fr

#my inner child loves it bc I used to have a tail when I was like 8 from the Ren fair #but it got damaged and lost and I was sad #plus I felt bad being a Weird Kid tm so I stifled anything I could #and now I’m 22 and I’m like GIVE ME THE TAILS GIVE ME THE GLOVES AND EARS HUFF #I always tell them I think it’s really cool and ask where they got em if I can #just so they know like at least ONE random stranger isn’t gonna judge em for it #and that their folks like see my face and shit so I’m not … a scary rando stranger #I get paranoid abt that sometimes #to me tho it’s the equivalent of like if a little kid tells me they like my green hair and then I’m like ‘thx I like ur shirt !’ #hound barks 🐾

[ineed-to-sleep]

I'm watching Berserk and I may or may not have hyped myself up to turn my vampire ocs into dark fantasy characters. mmaybe

#sketch tag #so uh. pepper is kind of a guts basically jdjgkckkc #they're both in an army and they butt heads a lot bc pepper is big and stronk but very impulsive and reckless #but there's no griffith situation or anything like that it's just that vince worries abt her #and he's way more restrained as a fighter and a strategist. maybe a commander or second in command #and just like in vtm he's very paranoid and afraid of change. so he worries abt her and is also unhappy in the army but too scared to leave #so he broods a lot and mopes around and gets on her ass abt her recklessness #and just like in vtm pepper is impulsive and has a lot of pent up frustration and she uses the battlefield to release all of it #sometimes overexerting herself and nearly getting herself killed #she also wants to leave bc she's not sure she believes in what they're fighting for anymore. but then she loses her coping mechanism #things change when they have an argument where he reveals he cares abt her sjfjjfkf YES very cliche I am thriving #and she's dismissive at first but after being alone for a bit his words start sinking in #and when they're on a battlefield again there's a moment where they have to retreat and she's about to absolutely not listen to that #but then she has a change of heart bc she remembers what he said + she cares abt him too so she doesn't want him to be hurt by her actions #neither by him getting worried nor trying to come to her aid and putting his life at risk #so she retreats #and he's very happy abt that he thanks her later for what she did #and then she's like yeah sure I guess I didn't die but also guess what. I'm bored #everything she wanted to release back there she just didn't. so she's still frustrated and especially bc she had to admit defeat #and she's an extremely proud person. she's irritated #and he's like aight. I'm gonna fight you then #and she's like what. and he's like yeah #so he picks up a sword and throws another one to her and there's a *sexual tension play-fight* hell yeah babey #I'm having sm fun w this au can you tell jejfjckckkc #eventually they do desert the army they're in bc things get worse and pepper decides she no longer wants to be a part of it #and in a fight or flight moment she pushes vincent to make a decision and he leaves with her #and like the story is only getting started there bc then there'll be some big misteries in the story they're gonna uncover #which. I haven't figured out what they are yet #but either way akhhdskfha I'm having a lot of fun w this #sleep.txt

[rpfisfine]

my friend pisses me off soooooo bad

#i text her first to ask abt how her essay is going wish her luck 2 times and she doesnt even like the message or say anything she just #changes the topic and then leaves me on read. okay #plus shes been getting so weirdly paranoid that im talking shit abt her to other ppl just bc ive finally made some other friends that arent #her after 1.5 years of suffering alone at my uni #(which i seriously to be honest do just bc shes been getting on my nerves with a lot of things lately) #but like man . throughout the 1.5 years that weve been talking to each other we havent progressed enough to call each other by #our first names to get the other to turn around etc i dont think we r close enough for me to abandon the wonderful religious practice of #sometimes discussing the things that your 1 friend does that piss you off with your other friends but then still hanging out with them #not because youre some sort of irredeemably evil two faced motherfucker but because thats just a normal part of having social relationships #mp #like i get that insecurity sucks and its a shitty feeling etc but ive literally dealt with this my whole cringe embarrassing childhood & #teenage years LOL like as long as your friends still make a conscious decision to spend time with u & u have fun together #then i think you dont need to worry. which is what i do so #the sun will rise again tomorrow

[kkujo]

last night i had a mix of tinnitus and sleep deprivation induced auditory hallucinations which was basically just like. literal microphone feedback. and i think it was triggered by me testing my microphone yesterday bc the feedback was awful but yeah i was lying awake and all i could hear was extremely loud microphone feedback in my brain i'm so glad it's over 😭

#worst hallucination i've ever had #like usually if i'm bad enough to get hallucinations it's just like murmuring/whispering but i can tell it's not real #worst ones i've had before is like screaming and that's only if i'm rlly sleep deprived. sometimes knocking on my door too but #it's never too bad yk. but the mic feedback hallucination was unbearable 😭 #but also i've had olfactory hallucinations where i smell cigarette smoke #ik it's definitely a hallucination bc no one in my family smokes and it only lasts a minute #ykw typing this out i'm starting to think maybe this isn't normal. #i don't think i'm schizophrenic or anything? this isn't that common and it's usually triggered by sleep deprivation or stress #but i did start having delusions the other day where i fully believed everyone was plotting against me and trying to upset me #and i have had extreme paranoia/paranoid episodes in the past but it's been a lotttttt better this year so idc if that's related #but idk if these things are normal to an extent or if i have some kind of psychotic disorder but whatever it's not affecting me that bad so #like. it's not having a big impact it's just scary when it happens. i have like anxiety n shit so idk if i'm just prone to being paranoid #anyway if anyone knows abt these things pls tell me if i'm normal or not 😁 #i'm 99% sure it's not schizophrenia or anything i just want someone's opinion bc idk how normal hallucinations are ☹ #but it's typically if i'm like. stressed out to the point of panic attacks or if i'm rlly sleep deprived. so it might be normal ish #ask to tag #< sorry ik discussion of this stuff could potentially be distressing but idk how to tw tag it :(

[s1ckpr1ncess]

i have such bad anxiety about people knowing things that I've said and done when they couldn't possibly know. I've had this fear since I was little and I don't know where it comes from

#sometimes it is possible #like i get worried that ppl are gonna hear abt shit I've said and think im evil #i love being paranoid #I should just be more careful about what i say #but im a blabbermouth ughhhhhhhgjgjg

[urgrossdaughter]

its so unfortunate that u get tired touching urself for so long. u should be able to touch urself to these rape threats asks for however long u want to

I mean it depends. Sometimes i spend the whole day masturbating. Cumming endlessly and only ever stopping because of stupid things like "eating" and "sleeping" like :/ why. So im p lucky and dont complain much when my libido goes down sometimes due to stress or my cycle or anything:)

#i do sometimes get paranoid abt losing it #i rly hope mt sex drive never decreases #i fucking love every moment of masturbaig #asks #answered #anon #send asks #send anons #send 1cky asks #1cky asks

[catboybashirs]

stop making posts that r supposed to be educating non-psychotics abt psychosis while throwing people w/ delusions you dont understand/experience under the bus thanks

#.txt #.doctor speaks #specifically identity and fiction-related delusions #yes i experience intense paranoid delusions. some of my most load-bearing ones are related to being A Character #“but jules!!! mostpeople are faking like all th-” shhh. shut the fuck upm #i dont care if someones faking. id rather i show support to 1 faker than deny that support to 100 actually psychotic people actually #idk. idk. im tired of being an Ambassador Of Psychotic People irl to nonpsychotics but i guess ill do it on here too #since some of yall just looove spreading bullshit abt an already marginalized group of people #being mentally ill feels like being in the fucking crab bucket sometimes STOP KICKING OTHERS TO GET OUT!!!!! #.rant #.vent #cant rememver which i use so. both!

[differentsublimephantom]

😝😚

Felt cute, might make a fandom ask blog or two later idk

#Pls tell me #would anyone want a HM ask blog abt the groundskeeper Zeke? #I made a post about him recently and it got literally 0 interaction #also sometimes I get scared to post stuff for fear that it’ll be too similar to something else and then people will think I’m copying #and cringe #pls help me here am I being to paranoid/worried? #moots pls help #I wanna answer asks for fandoms but the fandoms I wanna do them for are dead lol

[girlwithfish]

sometims i do think maybe im autistic a little bit but i dont Know and im not gonna unpack that rly

#🏊‍♂️ #Anyway making a bunch of thoughtless posts abt how i dont think my coworkers like me /idk how to make friends w coworkers etc my only friend #in my immediate life is my boyfriend and aside from him the only ppl in my life r my family nd i dnt even see tbem that often anymore #im also getting rly bad at telling if my bf is joking sometimes and then it makes me upset bc i didnt realize he was joking #also my memory has been so bad or maybe im just tired my coworker was telling me the cot layout for naptime nd who goes where #nd she gave me like 4 names nd i forgot the placements already so quicj. unrelated im just tired today also i think maybe #im giving myself brain damage from sh 👍nd paranoid im actually damaging my brain or memory. tmi of the day

[klonoadoortophantomile]

i have this issue where like. i feel like my art is weird. not even like weird in an intentional kinda way  or a ‘cringe’ way or whatever judt sometimes i feel like its weird. doesnt quite translate whatever my ideas were or even make much sense to anyone that isnt me. i feel like i spend. so much time like. isolated from other people  and ill just be making art and coming up with ideas in this weird feedback loop with my brain that it just keeps getting distorted from what the idea originated from and starts only making sense to me. and i have no clue if any of what im saying even makes sense or is even true its just something i think about a lot and kinda? worry abt sometimes too? i feel like this kinda stems back from . okay so i have this massive bin in my room where i tend to put old sketchbooks and stuff in and this goes all the way back to when i first started really grtting into art as a hobby, and i like judt sitting down for a few hours sometimes and looking thru a bunch of shit in there. but sometimes i come across stuff from where i was drawing in one particular style for a while anf it was just startingn to like… become more and more distorted? this ties into a whole other side tangent i could go on abt but basically i have this problem with Art Styles where i feel like i have to follow certain rules and criteria with the stylization blah blah blah anyways so my original point js that after id been sticking with a certain way of stylizing thinggs for long enough it starts to become more exaggerated, and slowly ljke unrecognizable from whatever the fuck its supposed to represent or what it was originally supposed to look like. like uhh for a while i drew eyes in this very particular way where they were just little dashes. but sometimes id draw the dashed a bit closet than normally or kinda tilting towards each other and i though it looked cute so i kept doing this intentionally. until it would get to the point where in some drawings you couldnt even see the eyes. theyre judt one weird mark on the page. or sometimes i would have one eye a bit higher than the other and id keep doing that until theyre super misaligned. and this is jsut a really mundane example thrres others i feel whre like really bad looking back. like ‘how did anyone think this was even passable’ levels of bad.. and just. idk i have no clue where im going with this post its just this stuff has been bothering me for a while now and just. i dontknow. this isnt even entirely what im talking abt there weird patterns in my art constantly and its not in an interesting way its just. why do i do that. why is that Like That. and like this isnt somethingi should worry about so much but again i just think abt it a lot!!!!

#did not mean for this to get so long.fitting i guess #sorry for this post btw i dont know what im doing it just feels nice to complain soemtimes i guess. #<- thats not even what im doing here what the fuck am i sayinggg #inquisitivewaltz.txt #long post #i dont even post most of my art online so like. the stuff i have up on here isnt even the tip of the iceberg of what im talking abt #although i do kinda get the feeling more strongly with things i DO post sometimes since people are actually looking at it.. #and i worry how people interpret every little detail... and then sometimes someone makes some stupid ass comment on something and its #abt a thing i never even considered and it just makes me feel even more shitty abt things and paranoid and this is kinda different thing #butlike whatever all this stuff correlates anyways

[depresseddepot]

My brother failed his driving test (was so nervous that he crashed) and cried afterwards because he was so upset about it and I, in true estranged eldest daughter fashion, am sick to my stomach worrying that my parents gave him shit for it

#i don't even like my brother very much #hes conservative and shitty like my dad (tho he is only 16 so im holding out for a few years before i decide he's a lost cause) #but i am still The Third Parent #my brother is My Dad's Son TM so i sincerely doubt he would humiliate him abt crying/be anything less than encouraging #but knowing how they treated ME when I made a mistake is. making me extra paranoid #surely they wouldn't do it a second time. surely they've noticed how i never talk to them #surely they understand what they did to cause it and wouldn't do it again to their youngest baby. right? #he was raised so much more leniently than i was so i don't think he's quite as. like. #terrified or failure but not bc of the failure but bc of the repercussions from The Bosses #but man. man. i need a leather cord to chew on. #i know my parents are shit to their kids bc they were shit to me and now im worried they'll be shit to him! what a cycle #anyway. tonight i am drinking to fall asleep faster! huzzah or whatever #also editing this to add a prediction: yes i know i could just ask my parents/brother how they reacted. you misunderstand our relationship #i live here and take care of the chickens and feed their son while they gamble. we do not talk. not even casually. #i don't just 'ask' any of them what happened. we exchange facts about events and move on #sometimes we visit my grandmother and get too encouraged by a chatty environment and get into arguments #we disagree on fundamentally everything (other than polite manners in public. that is unbreakable and sound) so we don't talk #ive surpassed wanting their attention. i don't want to know their opinions anymore and they never wanted to know mine #tough shit i guess. who knew you needed to love a child as a child and not as a cute handbag to lug around #(especially when that cute handbag grew up to be not so cute anymore and fat and actually reacted to that shitty treatment) #anyway this post isn't abt me (but im my mother's daughter so i always make things abt me huh) #i feel bad for my brother and wish i had been a better sister #i know i had 3+ undiagnosed mental illnesses/disabilities but still #i hope he passes really easily the next time and he isn't as nervous and my parents help him fix his car without complaining #vent

[bonnie-bug]

made the mistake of watching one of those fake emergency broadcast videos on youtube (specifically one based in quebec where a good chunk of the world was rapidly covered in 14+ meters of snow in the middle of summer) and even tho it wasn’t supernatural spooky scary it hasnt left my fuckin head and now i cant stop thinking “what if something like that happens. what if there’s a demon attack. what if there’s some kind of creature in ur hallway right now. what if a fuckin scp was real and your only warning was an emergency broadcast just like that”

I dont even believe this kind of shit is real WHY is my brain so fuckin paranoid about supernatural shit. lowkey it happens every night but it’s always worse when I watch something even slightly supernatural horror adjacent. why. I only even watched the stupid video BECAUSE it wasnt a creature/scp/supernatural horror based one and I thought I’d be fine :(

#I’ve always had anxiety around alert noises tho :/ my mom was paranoid abt storms and so had a weather alert radio when I was a kid #and since she was always afraid of bad storms that made ME scared and I dreaded every time I heard that radio go off #and it’s the automatic alert sound for so many emergency broadcasts it still gives me an anxiety spike to this day #so maybe that has something to do with it. but why also spooky horror creatures. #it’s never normal shit like ‘’what if a guy broke into our house’’ or anything no it’s always a fuckin demon or something #I should be clear here and say these paranoia. things never actually tip me into an anxiety or panic attack or anything dont worry #but. it IS annoying. and I’m so tired of it. and I’ve come up with coping mechanisms but idk how to make them Stop #bc just saying ‘’bro it’s not real’’ does nothing bc i KNOW its not. but they still keep happening #would these count as some kind of intrusive thought. bc it definitely causes me distress but it’s not like. the harmful idea kind #and idk what the nuance is and what actually counts as an intrusive thought and not just Brains Thinking Shit #And Sometimes That Shit Is Distressing #idk. I’m procrastinating getting my water from the living room bc a lot of my Bad Thoughts are centered around that hallway/living room area #maybe I’ll just turn on the light or something. I dont want to make my dad get my water for me #bc ‘’I watched a slightly spooky video this afternoon and now my brain is convinced demons will kill me’’ is a hard thing to explain #I mean he’d be nice about it and get my water I’m sure but I also dont want him to worry abt me kdbdbdkd #ok. I’ll turn on lights and go. and hopefully I can actually sleep tonight kdbdbdk #I’m not sticking this in my post tag bc I dont want to find it again and trigger another paranoia night lmao

[hometownrockstar]

sites and apps are so intrusive these days always airing out all ur info u gotta turn shit off in the settings or maybe ur just out of luck like having ur spotify follows or likes or playlists visible to everyone or all ur steam games or all your likes and followers and followings on twitter or insta and tiktok matching u with ppl who live in the same city as u its so fucked. i want my privacy

#i get very paranoid abt this to the point where i frequently open my pages in incognito to make sure certain things are privated #cause i dont trust the settings thing sometimes when it says it saved my changes

[b0mblover]

im so sorry lopt but also not

By: J

no tws. little bit of loptson fluff for the soul

it-

it all felt so weird.

he was still allowed to be himself,

but,

the sense of “himself” felt like it was changing.

sure, his comrades deaths made him feel something.

but.

that had been over half a year ago now.

since norikos death, lopt moved out.

well, as much as someone can without living there.

he had been living with mason for,, a while now.

he was allowed to be himself,

sure mason would get agitated sometimes,

but it never,

it never was unbearable.

for the both of them.

it was spring now,

lopt wondered if the odd feeling he had been… feeling, was seasonal depression going away.

“can a god even get seasonal depression”

most days he could ignore it but,

today was one of them that he couldnt.

he sat on the edge of the pull out couch, mason had to run some errands, leaving lopt alone with his mind, and ghosts.

some days hed hear the ghosts of the past that he had wronged.

sometimes begging, sometimes belittling him, sometimes just hearing wind blowing.

memories of the explosion flashed in his mind.

it had been half a year ago.

why did he care now?

could-

could gods even have trauma?

“well, as a shapeshifter, i am able to morph every part of my body that i see fit, i believe, meaning if that /were/ the case couldnt i just. take it away?”

he questioned aloud

(no no you cant lopt. because the writier is having “writers” block and wants you to suffer)

continuously, his mind replaying the boom of the explosion, 

the after shock he felt on the ground.

in reality, it was just mason shutting the door.

“hey, you didnt respond to any if my texts so i just got you bot-“

mason cut himself off, seeing the state lopt was in.

lopt continued staring at the ground,

his vision was crowded with static, and, the ghosts and voices were so loud they were drowning out his own thoughts.

he could barely feel when mason tapped at his knee to get his attention.

lopt looked up in the general direction he felt the movement coming from.

“uh, something.. wrong…?”

mason was unsure as to what was happening, he had never seen lopt so… broken.

lopt opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out.

a voice seemingly coming from behind him said how he had nothing worth saying.

nothing that would be worth anything to such a person as mason.

nothing worth saying that would ever amount to his partner.

he started to spiral.

questioning just /why/ mason was with him in the first place.

humans had used gods for their blood before, though, mason never did that,

humans had used gods for their power before, though mason never did that either.

was mason just with him, just to betray him in the end..?

did mason stay, just to make fun of him?

remind him of the fact he can never have a real relationship with a mortal due to their mortality and his immortality?

to-

he felt something cold on his face.

he looked up trying to see what the source was, only being greeted by the static in his vision that had never left.

“shh shh there there, youre gonna’ be okay”

mason.

mason was trying to help.

why?

wouldnt it be better to go ahead and stab lopt in the back?

to essentially kill him right then and there

to-

“hey. hey breathe, breathe, youre okay, here can you see? you know what im saying right now?”

lopts mind kept rushing, but

he tried to pull through,

realising that it was essentially pointless for him to attempt to talk, he slightly nodded his head in a ‘yes’ manner

“good, good, i take it that you cant see much huh? i mean, youre looking right past me-“

lopt internally laughed, before shaking his head yes again

“alllrighty then, ill sit with you til’ it clears up mkay?” 

lopt flashed a slight, but genuine smile what he thought was masons way.

mason burst out laughing, lopt was not looking masons way in the slightest, from masons view he just smiled at a wall

“i- you-“

mason choked out between tears

“youuuu, n-need to-“

lopt felt a bit better, even if mason was laughing at his expense, somewhere in himself he knew that it wasnt masons intention, he was better than that.

mason mostly had regained his composure (or what little he still had after that) and started again

“y’know itd be k-kinda helpful if you /actually/ looked my way-“ mason got through between laughs

lopt giggled to himself before shaking his head in a overly dramatic way ‘no’

“ahhh darn”

mason snapped his fingers

“welp, i tried” he said before shrugging. as if lopt could see it.

“hows the whole vision thing going”

lopt contemplated his response for a second, it had cleared up but, not to a great degree

lopt waved his hand in an iffy way

“ahh- barely then”

lopt rolled his eyes, in a playful way, basing it off of feelings, he knew he probably wasnt even facing mason,

“jeeze how long does this fucking taaaaaake”

mason groanded out before fallinn backwards into the pull out couch, making a little “oomf” sound as he

hit it. 

lopt held up his pointer finger,

“huh? you say somthin’?”

lopt sighed. attempting to speak again

(j gave up)

“h-hour” lopt managed to get out

his voice sounded much deeper and raspier than the pitch he prefered to keep it at, being all that he could manage.

“i-o-oh” mason stuttered out, being caught off guard by lopts voice. slightly blushing aswell-

mason took a deep breath before composing himself again and sitting up.

“well, if its gonna take that long, how bout’ i get started on dinner?”

“s-sure, s-sou-sounds, good” lopt was pushing himself to speak, he had heard (and felt) mason get up, being unsure as where to face.

“alright then, and, please dont push yourself alright? you uh, you need to take your time”

lopt smiled back.

again smiling at a wall.

#j writes badly #no beta we die like jirou #i actually originally wrote a specific part of this much differently but i kept getting paranoid abt jt so i changed it #i uh. i think this is my first time properly writing masons charater isnt it? #idk i dont really remember. #btw they 100% had salmon for dinner and after lopt could see again he ate mango pudding with a fork #(hiya shlopt. i question sometimes if theres something deeply wrong with you /lh j) #im gonna just say jt rn. i do not have the best grasp on masons characters kn the slighest and im sorry for it. #im a lopt defender btw fight me #im puttinf off SO much work *sweats* #okok ill hush read the gay fanfic damnit! (or dont. idc)

[thegreatestheaver]

still reeling from an awful hallucination I had last night at like 5am what the fuck was that

#eye dee kay hallucinations aren’t new but they’re always small and annoying typically #the scariest thing is when I hallucinate my phone ringing but it’s not actually ringing #but this was literally on a whole other level dawg #uhghghghghhh #I’m extremely paranoid abt just. someone hurting me. like. all the time #it used to be really bad I used to sit at my windows and just. watch. them for hours incase someone tried to break in and hurt me it was bad #I still get really bad about it especially in public but carrying a knife helps a little bit whatever #my ex always used to threaten to tell my mom about my issues (he had her phone number) right #basically. I hallucinated that him (and some other girl I know. she wasn’t related so idk why she was there) cut a whole in . #the screen of the window that I look out of the most when I’m losing my mind paranoid . #I also get really paranoid often about leaving things unlocked. the fear of accidentally leaving thing unlocked terrorizes me on the daily #so I accidentally left a window open. not a good start #then they cut a hole in the screen door n were about to come in my room and um. kill me #anyways yeah he was about to climb in my window and I was freaked out but I have. a knife on me almost 24/7 so I threatened him out to leave #I tbink i was also in some type of paralysis idk it’s rare but it’s happened sometimes. with the hallucinations. #he left eventually and then I could move again and ofc I didn’t actually move I was in my bed because it was 5am #um. I don’t wanna say I’m scared of my ex but. I’m kinda scared of him. like. irl. he’s really tall. and really strong #and could kill me . um #I Cut him off a while ago but he still knows my address and now I’m paranoid about that yay !!! #bleh #I wish I was still asleep but uhghgh activities #I already told my best friend abo ut it since I tell her Everything but oh my god #what the hell #I thought I was getting better ☹️ the main phone call hallucinations I had were becoming less and less #uhg

[androcola]

cleared out all my tumblr dms yas

#sometimes i think abt turning DMs back on for ppl who dont follow but then i get scared #im so paranoid abt being roped into drama. dont know what drama it would be but like