#I don't want to dump all this craziness on my friends who had moved on from this fucking thing a long time ago

[tarraxahum]

Oh I thought interacting with your first ever hyperfixation was bad.

Apparently bumping into your longest one that came with an active and extensive fandom experience attached is even worse. 'Cause not only do you miss these characters terribly, you also miss being around so many people all the time, online or offline. Being known. Somewhat appreciated (sue me for liking it when my ideas and creations elicit a wide reaction and/or have an impact). That ish even got me a job and I felt like the most special motherfucker in the world who had her life figured out (and for a hot second there I think I was).

Now I'm post-severe-burnout, broke, my favorite characters are mostly dead, my 'generation' of said fandom all moved on (me included, usually) and if I ever draw anything again I wouldn't know where to post it 'cause I purged all my socials. The only thing I managed to keep intact is a few friendships, which, THANK FUCK (thank fuck they didn't give up on my ass either). The rest of the connections? Blew it, burnt it.

It's like. They're just characters. But they're also a big and better chunk of my life when I last felt I was someone. Does that make any sense.

#I was that one fandom creator who got recognized at conventions dammit #insert the 'grandma lets get you to bed' meme here #I don't want to dump all this craziness on my friends who had moved on from this fucking thing a long time ago #so naturally instead I'm posting it on my public blog!!! :))) #chances are they'll see it anyway OH WELL #what the fuck do you do when you realize you based so much of your identity on a thing that you yourself discarded #and since then what have you been? a fucking loser who can't gain their footing back #feels like I never will again #which I know (I hope) is not true but. #what is this fucking breakdown where did I ASK #is my period finally happening or what. #personal

[belladonazeppole]

The Many Suitors of Miss Fortune

"I fucking knew it!" Adam yelled while pointing at Husk, this asshole reborn as a sinner and didn't took him long enough to come to the hotel asking for a place to stay since it look that lot of sinners could recognizr him and they weren't happy.

Charlie, the bleeding heart that she had, accept him even if she wasn't excited of him be here but she believe that everybody deserve redemption even if that person was Adam who took a liking on Husk.

"You almost convince me that you were a dude!" For some reason Adam believe that Husk is a woman. Maybe it was his chest fur since Angel gave him a shampo that gave Husk more volume or maybe Adam is into woman with deep voices or he's just a fucking moron. "You look so hot that I can get over you having the bitchest personality in this dump."

"I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD YOU CAN'T BE THIS FUCKING STUPID! " Husk yelled angrily at Adam, he has this argument to many times and just fially he succed in making him see reason in that thick skull of his."I'M JUST IN DRAG!"

The fact that he comes from Adam just makes him lose hope.

Sadly he can't make this moron see reason but he was right in one thing, he look really good. Husk has to congratulate Angel for making his grumpy old ass look this great. Husk was wearing a golden-yellow backless dress with a slip on the side, golden heels to match, a short wig that was the same color that his fur. It make Husk remember his youth when he do some drag as "Lady Luck" but that was when he was alive.

"As crude and imbecile Adam can be, he is right for once, you look quite wonderful tonight, my dear Husker." Said Alastor while spawning out nowhere in the stool of the bar while glaring at Husk. That was actually kinda sweet from Alastor since after their deal was broken their relationship was.... weird. Alastor sometimes tried to treat still like his pet but now Husk could actually refuse.

Alastor still was a bitch in deer clothing but maybe they can move on from their owner/pet relationship, maybe even making Alastor see Husk as an actual person and not his cat.

"Thanks, Al. That—

"Your welcome! But I do have a problem while the dress fits you like a glove the color just don't see like the right one." He squints his eyes while looking at him up and down to then snapping his fingers making the dress changing from golden-yellow to red, "There! It isn't better? Red was always a color that look better on you, my friend."

Or maybe not.

"No thanks. This color fits me way better than red." He said with a smug smile while snaping his fingers and, return the dress from Alastor signature red to his original golden-yellow, which make one of Alastor's ears twitch.

"Just ignore them you can't deal with stupid or batshit crazy." Said Angel while not giving Adam or Alastor much of a thought, the first just flip him in return while the latter strains his smile, "Now give me a spin! I want to see all my hard work before your date ravish you!"

"DATE WITH FUCKING WHO?" Adam yelled now angry knowing that the hottie that he was trying to bang was gonna be bang for somebody else.

"Husker!?" Alastor was shocked that his former (pet) associate was having date he believe that he and Angel were going to one of their silly "going out" but that somebody was having interest in his oldest... friend. It make Alastor feel angry and possesive. Meanwhile, Husk just rolls his eyes and ignore the outburst of these dumbass but still does what his friend ask him, after all Angel did help him and looking like this-

"This is just a first date, Angel."

"Just do what I'll do."

"I won't do anal in the first date." He cringes at bit at the sound of radio interference but refuse to giving Alastor the attention, "Buuh you whore!" Angel said jokingly while Husk just snorted at him.

"There you are!" A new voice make himself know, that was coming from the TV, it was Vox, who succed in coming out of the TV before Alastor could destroy it. "Fuck you old fossil!!" He yell while giving the finger to the radio demon.

Ever since Vox saw Alastor defeat agaisnt Adam he become more bold in entering to the hotel to mock the other overlord and old rival much to everybody else annoyance. Even fake dating Husk to have more info but the dumbass become more invested in Husk.

He may become Husk unofficial sugar daddy.

They don't even fuck.

Vox just gaves Husk money like an idiot for doing nothing.

Again Vox is a moron.

"Are you gonna fuck a fucking TV instead of having me? The Dickmaster?" Adam asked in disbelieve, fuck he fall really hard in this one. "He looks soo desperate."

"Inded and needy." Alastor glare harder at Vox, "I would expect that you have a better taste than this, Husker." At hint of dissapointment was in Alastor voice. Vox, for the first time, didn't put a lot of mind on them, "And you two are better?" He asked while crossing his arms to them point to Adam, "You! A broke fallen angel that is so fucking desperate that come to the place that tried to destroy in the first place!" Now pointing at Alastor, "And you! A coward who escape in battle and treat him like a pet at best!"

Now looking smug, "While I'm a powerful overlord that has tons of money and can make any of his whishes reality."

"I mean he isn't wrong."

"True, but Husk has a date with somebody waaayy better than any of you guys."

"WHO?" The three of them ask in anger.

"Hoo Mama!"

The three sinners slowly begin to turn around to see Lucifer the King of Hell with a bottle of apple cider and his mouth wide open at the sight of Husk, so he was the date.

That motherfucker.

Lucifer seeing that there were more people watching him pulled himself together as best he could, failure of course, "I mean…uh- You look beautiful tonight Hu- I mean Miss Fortune, yes, that color suits you excellently." He said hurriedly as he handed the bottle of apple cider to Husk who only smiled at his reaction.

He hands the bottle to Angel, "Thanks, Duckie." He laughs a little as the redness in his cheeks appears, "But you have Angel to thank, he's the one who made my geezer self look this awesome."

"Uuhhh, thank you Angel." He said a little awkward as with the use of his magic made another bottle appear, "A thank you for making Husk look amazing…I mean more! More amazing than you normally look, you always look good but now? I almost fainted…"

He really was Charlie's father.

The same verbal diarrhea when they're nervous.

It was adorable if he was honest.

"I understand you look amazing today too, Duckie." He said once again using Lucifer's nickname which only made him smile more and more relaxed, "I'll wait for you outside."

"Thanks, Short King" Said Angel with the bottle in his hand and leaving to his room, "Have a good fuck you two!" He just waves his hand a bit awkwardly, "Don't worry I'll make sure Husk has a night he won't forget."

He was ready to leave until he sees the three sinners looking at him with daggers in their eyes, his awkward posture changes to an arrogant one while he flashes them the finger, "You three want to be me so badly right now."

"Adam, looks like third time's the charm after all. Alfred I'm sorry for not being able to stay for a conversation but I have date right now…. and who are you?" He said the last while pointing at Vox but shakes his head nonchalantly, "It doesn't matter if I'm honest. I have go to my date with Miss Fortune and if I'm lucky it will soon be Mrs Fortune." He said while sticking his tongue out between his fingers.

"Toodles!" He cheerfully as he leaves the three of them alone.

The King had a date and felt really lucky if he is honest!

(This takes inspiration by a small convo that @adyophene and I had it was too good for me not write.)

#hazbin hotel #husk hazbin hotel #husk #husker #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor #hazbin hotel lucifer #lucifer morningstar #lucifer magne #hazbin angel dust #angel dust #vox #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin hotel adam #adam hazbin hotel #royalflush #royalflush / lucihusk #lucihusk #vox x husk #voxhusk #catvideo #radiohusk #So I decide that Lady Luck was Husk drag name when alive #And Miss Fortune as a sinner #Lucifer is super smug about dating a hottie #everybody else is super salty #except Angel #he is just supporting his friend #Husk deserves to be take out to fancy places #MissFortune!Husk

[jina-juhi]

the possibility of us.

pairing - yuta × female reader

word count - 7.7k

warnings - Panic attack (i tried to keep it short) penetration, protected sex, grinding, corruption kink, yuta is not angry and dom, controlling, over stim if i can say so? oral ( both receiving ) and literally everything that comes w this. choking!!!! yea. heh.

summary - You promised yourself you wouldn't fall for him, and you thought he could never fall for a girl like you. There was no way you both could be together, and even if there was one, your past wouldn't let you.

playlist

"eyes off you" - prettymuch

"phases" - prettymuch

"under the influence" - chris brown

"slow down" - chase atlantic

"show me" - black atlass

"safety net" - ariana grande

"used to this" - camila cabello

"chills, dark version" - mickey vallen

"3:00 am" - finding hope

"no guidance" - chris brown ft drake

Authors note:- so this whole thing is someone's request and i have not done justice to it. But here i am still hoping that they like it. I wrote like a whole seed to tree thing but it all got deleted and then I just left it to where my mind led me. I swear im working hard on my English vocab and duh sentence forming skills, but i hope you get the feelings mentioned below~~~

also if u wanna like request something~

m.list

so fucking loud.

The party was getting louder and overwhelming. You were quite alright just a few seconds back but it only takes a thought, to remember everything you want so badly to escape.

You danced like crazy, and drank. A lot. To forget. And now your head is hurting like hell and you don't know what to do or where to go, everything is spinning around and its all a blur. One thing that you could think of right now is your phone.

Searching your pocket and the couch you have been sitting on for so long, you can't find it. Its not lost its with Haewon, your friend. Sadly though your friend had to leave early due to some urgency, you thought it would be okay, you would manage but truly speaking, you're just a child. You try to be brave but being left alone is one of your biggest fears.

The fear kept building up since you were a kid and now it has settled in and made itself permanent in you. First it was your dad leaving you and your mom for a second family, then your mom in chase of her new life and then your so called first love who thought you were too fucked up to be loved. Leaving you like you were a crumbled up piece of paper ready to be dumped. Since then, you have not loved.

Not because you forgot, but because you're sacred.

You're scared everyone would leave you just like them and in the end, they'll move on, they'll live better but you're gonna be wounded. Trust me, you're already wounded enough to go out there and put a knife in your chest with your own hands. You know better or so you may think. That being alone, and not letting anyone in is the key to overcome this but truly, it is just making it worse. You can't help it.

You stumble on your way out of the once filled room with sweaty bodies, heels in one hands and a bottle of water in another. Your legs hurt more with every step you take, mentally cursing yourself for going absolutely reckless. You stand leaning against the main gate, supporting yourself so you don't fall in the wait of a cab.

You watch as tired bodies pass you by one by one. Everybody having someone to lean on to, you have a door. Not complaining but it feels sad sometimes not to have that one person who's always gonna stick by your side and other deep shit. It gets lonely. Fiddling with the hem of your dress, you give up on waiting, shifting your wait from the gate to your feet, you start to walk in the direction of your home, finding it hard because of all the alcohol.

Not even two steps forward, you hear a faint voice calling your name, a voice you would recognise even after your death, a voice that could send you into overdrive in a mere millisecond. You find yourself panicking, why is he calling your name, he shouldn't be calling your name. He's supposed to be the mean guy like everybody says but he's good to you, he's supposed to be cold hearted but he's kind to you, he's supposed to ignore you like he does everybody else, but he treats you different.

Nakamoto Yuta is not supposed to know you.

But he does, and that's what got you falling for him. Hard. It began with a single look in the hallway, you were a fresher and he was in the senior year. You weren't allowed in the library back then which you didn't knew, so you went in to issue some books. A bunch of seniors saw you, scolded you for not abiding by the rules, they could have gone too far but Yuta kinda saved your ass in there. He'd been kind, which was very unlikely of him because they all called him cold-hearted, but you saw no such characters in him, he'd always been nice to you. No matter how much you refused you did had a minute crush on him since that day, which eventually turned in something you'd rather not give a name to.

You turn around to see a very familiar face, you could draw an exact replica of him with your eyes closed. You fumble, he hands are firmly griping you by your arms, holding you upright, "you okay?"

On usual days, if Yuta is taking the first floor hallway to get to his class, you'd take the third floor even if it means you'll be late by five. But on some very rare unusual day, when your hormones decide to throw random tantrums and make you realise how much dry of a pussy cat you have, you'd take the same hallway 0as he does in order to feed your brain with his mere looks alone, which would be enough for the next 5 to 6 days so you could go back on avoiding him, for the sake of your sanity.

Today, most probably was a usual day. Throughout the party, you made sure to not cross paths with him but always keeping in check as to where he was. He looked drop dead gorgeous today in that white tshirt of his, loose hair falling over his face blocking your sight of view but adding up to his perfection. Maybe, just maybe you might have been too obvious with that watching from afar game of yours you think he didn't notice but he does. He knows, he always has known. Boys like him, they always know.

"I just wanna go home." Your voice comes out tired and slurred, the alcohol in your system is probably damaging your sense of judgement, you're saying things you're not supposed to be saying.

"It isn't safe for you to go alone." His voice could make you fall to knees, yea that is the amount of power he holds on you. If he says your name one more time with that pretty mouth of his, you'd be curling into a ball and stay like that for the rest of your life because it would save you from the embarrassment of facing him with your red flushed face and needy eyes. Yes, you're a sucker for him and you don't like it. It's not about him it's about you. How could you risk everything again for just a crush. He's not just a crush. And what about the too fucked to be loved part? What if thats true? You can't risk losing Yuta.

"I'll tak- a cab or somethin you don't have to." Sitting in the same car, having him around you when you're drunk and could literally say anything is not a safe option, safer than going alone though but, it's just too much of a risk. He doesn't give you much choice when he says he's gonna drive you home and you're gonna be quite and let him. All those moments in which it was only him and you alone, all the amount of tension in the air there was is playing on repeat in your mind right now. What could possibly go wrong right? Nothing really went wrong before, but you also weren't drunk.

He takes you to his car, walking beside you still holding you tight. You didn't say but your stomach keeps hurting from time to time, probably from all the drinking you think. Opening the door for you he seats you in, placing his hand on your head carefully so you don't bump your head in the process.

You wait for him to come inside the car, hearts already beating fast. Don't know why but the alcohol has somehow made you more hornier and confident than before, especially him touching you played a major part it in. I mean your allowed to have a crush right, and even though you don't really want someone in your life right now you too want some, need some. How many days can you go without being touched? is two year a normal number?

"Put your seatbelts on." You were too disoriented to understand and implement, he repeats. "Oh!" You try to pull the seatbelt down, its stuck. Or maybe you're just weak. He notices you struggling. What happens next is not the first time, he does things like these often that do some unexplainable things to you. He would randomly place his hands on your shoulder in the middle of nowhere making you jump out of your skin, or rub his thumb against the back of your hand when you're having coffee with him. Play with the long strands of your hair, tangling then detangling them. Eyes contacts were definitely his thing, he's eyes would never leave yours during a conversation no matter how small or big, it made you hard to look at him and hold his gaze. These were some of those moments you couldn't get over even after trying hard.

This guy would be the cause of your death. All happens in one sudden move, he loosens his seatbelt, leaning over you extending his hand to reach the seatbelt that seemed to be really stuck, which he could have managed to pull from afar but no, he had to come close. Goosebumps from his wild eyes form on your skin when they watch you, like undressing you. Up and down and around. Biting and wetting his lips unnecessarily just to turn you on. You, on the other went stiff, for you it was like some one had pushed the pause button because every second felt so heavy, the weight of his gaze was so hard you felt your lungs crushing under the pressure. You could literally listen to your heart thumping in your ears like some one was playing a boombox on maximum volume. Afraid to take your eyes off of him, you just stare blankly at him, though that blank expression was more of a wanting one.

He knows what he's doing, the little curl on his lips showed that, and he knows the effect it has on you so he always over exaggerates everything that he does. You never stopping him is his motivation.

"Dumb girl" he mouths and secures your seatbelt. You gulp hard and release the breath you were holding in. Before you could register what had just happened, his hand was reaching for your forehead with a tissue. "You sure you good? you sweating like crazy!" poking his tongue he hands you the napkin, you pretend wipe your face, actually cursing him making you sweat like this. The ac is not broken, its his fault.

Its so fucking complicated it's like you've got this big crush which isn't even a crush anymore, and it is him who turned it into real damn feelings that you don't want. You know you're better off without him, without the feelings part. You're not ready for him. You'll never be. You know it still you always fall for him, even when you don't want to, even when you know someone's gonna get hurt in the end. It must be something that he said that got you off track. That got you thinking shit and feeling shit, you just can't ignore that anymore. A year is a long time to pretend that you absolutely do not adore Yuta. Its getting harder to pretend.

You crave him.

You need him.

You want him.

but no.

You're saying it as if he wants you too. The possibility of him falling for you is as rare as finding a galaxy in the night sky with naked eyes. Impossible. He's got high standards or maybe you're just not his type. He may play round and about but it's just a play. Not reality. And you've come to peace with that. You're not gonna try, you're not putting your heart at stake but if you do, just in case, there's no way you're gonna have your heart broken because after doing all the math and physics, the probable occurrence of this event called 'us' is zero, even after considering all the factors affecting.

There is a chance, but you wouldn't take it.

But even the greatest of the greatest laws have exceptions, don't they? Not everything can be calculated or predecided. Now who knew a day like today would come in which the drunk you would be driven home by a totally sober Yuta, and the very science that you thought was denying the possibility of you both being together is giving you an unforeseen factor that could change the whole equation, alchol. And alcohol, as we all know is a bitch.

Miserable looking you was sat on the passenger seat, hair tousled, body covered with sweat that glistened whenever light fell on it, lips dry and eyes tired. Though the heat you feel is undeniable, you try to not give in and have some sense of control over your mind that's floating in the pool of hormones mixed with alcohol right now. Pushing your hair back, you look out of the window, chasing the street lamps, counting them to keep you distracted. Clearing your mind, trying not to think anything. Not to feel anything, but the ache in the pit of your abdomen is growing with passing time. You see yuta roll down the window, his hair swiftly swaying with the breeze, what a sight to be witnessed, enough to distract you from your chosen distraction. Allowing yourself to calm down letting go of all the blood rush from before, you take a deep breath, sleep kind of taking over your body but the pain isn't allowing you to. Feeling even more uneasy, you shift a little in your seat pushing the feeling away. You try and concentrate on the moving landscapes, breathing deeply.

Yuta has been noticing you. Hes certain of what's bout to happen. He doesn't panic, he must have had the experience. He lets you take your time. Breathing helps for some time more, but doesn't prevent it. You have to throw up, "Can y- stop the car?"

In a minute, Yuta pulls over and you're out on the street seated by the footpath trying to empty your stomach. Yuta was seated by your side patiently with a water bottle in his hand, rubbing your back in sweet circular motion, and holding your hair back. "It doesn't wanna come out!"

You complain in a broken tone. "Who told you to drink that much when you can't handle it?" he says side eyeing you.

"It's hurting"

"Drink some water" And before you could, you were already throwing up. He calm you down, never once leaving your side, holding your hair back, he knows you're weak especially right now.

Cleaning up you pout, "I was feeling good"

"Now you're not, dumbass."

"Why do you always call me dumbass." you fake cry, more like dunk cry.

"Because you're too cute." He half chuckles.

"I don't wanna be cute." You snap at him. "I wanna be hot!" This makes him laugh. "And i wanna be cool and i wanna be free and i wanna be different and confident and happy and not dumb. I'm not dumb, though i like it when you call me dumb, but im not im not dumb!!"

He looks at you, amused, brows up like a puppy, smiling like a child at this new face of yours that, that he doesn't quite know how to describe it, but is adorable. "You don't talk this much when you're sober, you should drink often."

"And throw up like this every time."

"Yea maybe, it would be an our thing"

"An our thing?! Oh and i don't talk? you don't talk!"

"I don't because you don't, and i respect that."

"I- I don't? i do, i want to."

"What stops you then?" You think.

"Yuta." and you chuckle. "He makes me nervous."

His eyebrows furrowed for a second after suddenly listening to his name from your mouth. Conten and eager to know more, "Why?"

You sigh loudly, hiding your face in your hands, "It's hard to explain you know? It so fucking hard-!" by getting to the end of the sentence you actually break down into tears. Yuta sees this, suddenly extra concerned about your situation, he takes your face in his hands, cupping it, making you look at him. He has a soft expression on his face, a kind one. "hey there, don't cry, it's okay." he coos, wiping a tear away.

You sob a few times in his arms, trying to catch a breath. You don't know why and what you're saying, but it just flows out of your mouth, "I like him, i think i do, like so fuxking much. And it's sad because I don't think he likes me back, like why would he and even if he does, it's not gonna change the fact that im too fucked up to be loved."

He frowns, disappointed in you. Looking deep in your eyes, you try to hide away from him,"You're not girl. Look at me! you are capable of being loved"

"I don't think so. Even if i am, why will he ever like a girl like me!" You say blandly.

"What if he does?"

"You think he likes me?"

"All you need to do is ask."

"Why can't he!?" His hand leaves your face, wiping your fallen tears. Making you drink a little water with his hands, he slowly says, "what if he's afraid he would scare you away?"

You're tired eyes look into his bright one, searching for meanings you couldn't find. He helps you up, now that you've been feeling better than before. "Not if he holds me tight enough." Yuta doesn't reply to this rather his eyes glint, as if he was satisfied with your answer. As if he knew what to do now. He makes you seat in his care again, securing you with the seatbelt, too tired to even move your finger you let him guide you home.

Soon enough you were standing in front of your apartment, staring at the locked door and then staring at each other, "I'm sorry." you apologise because apparently, you lost the keys and no they're not with Haewon. "It's okay lets just go to my apartment." You nod your head, tip toeing behind him like a child, on the stares he lets you walk by yourself but watches out for you. In the car he gives you a bottle of electrolytes to sip on. In the lift of his apartment he practically have to carry your weight because your legs gave up walking and your brain stoped working.

_______

Wet kisses were planted down your spine, leaving a tinglish feeling behind. With every kiss your breath hitched a little more, eyes squeezed even harder. He plants a kiss at the bottom of your bare back. You arch your back, rolling your head back in pleasure. He stands up behind you, your knuckles turn whiter. He grips your hair in his fist, pushing your head back further enough to plant a small kiss on your forehead, then releasing the grip. Holding back a moan, you let a short breath out. Seeing your efforts at holding your moans back, he lands his palm flat against your clothed ass making you fall ahead on the counter. Smacking it hard again, making you yelp in pleasure, the sound echoes in his small bathroom. "Let me hear that sweet voice of yours baby." His voice calling you baby makes you dizzy, a whine leaves your lips without your permission, but on his command. Anything he wants you would do. Rubbing and groping your ass cheek he pulls you a little up by your hair, making you stand straight. He bites and nips at your earlobe. With his one hand squeezing your ass and his lips occupied by your ear, his other hands creeps it's way in front of you, dipping lower and lower until it cups your pussy, applying only slight pressure on your throbbing, untouched clit with his middle finger, just enough to take you over the edge. His hand is so big. He taps it, feather touches only. Once, twice and he continues slowly with long intervals in between the taps, leaving maroon marks on your shoulder. He only plays with you to make you wetter so you could take his dick, he's not letting you cum just yet, you deserve more, you deserve his dick and you deserve a grand climax, because you're his. Without much efforts he pushes you flat against the counter top, carefully though, he doesn't wanna hurt you. Delivering you pleasure is his only motive, and he does just that when he pulls your underwear down enough to expose your ass to him. You wiggle it a little in anticipation, and he gives in to your plea, after all it would be his pleasure to serve you. He greets you with a spank. And then another spank followed by intervals of him easing the pain and rubbing your ass cheeks untill you voice came out louder than the sound of his hand meeting your flesh. And in a blink of an eye your panty was slid all the way down and his thick girthy cock was being shoved in your already dripping aching hole. He was showing no mercy, fucking in and out of you at a demonic pace, looking like an angel! His long hair covering his face, slick because of sweat. He yanked you up with your hair causing you to scream out, still slamming in and out of you, this angle enabling him to go deeper. Sinfull voices getting louder and louder with every thrust, you hear him say your name, "y/n!" He sounds concerned. Furrowing your brows, "Yuta, don't stop!!" you whine as he slows down his pace.

Another loud call of your name forces you awake from your dream, panting heavily you adjust your vision to the lighting in the room. The first thing you see is Yutas face, concerned. Seeing him in your bedroom starled you, you hastily move back in defence, "what are you doing here" You question him in hoarse voice, your throat dry.

"It's my bedroom and you called my name. " he hands you a glass full of water, sitting by the bedside. That's when you realise the change in the intensity of light and the unfamiliarity of the duvet. Embarrassed, that you just dreamt of the guy sitting in front of you, you thank him for the water. You try to play the events of last night that might have led to this, nothing comes to your head. Its all a blank. You mind curse yourself, head hurting a little probably because of hangover. The second thing you notice is that the cloths you wore weren't yours, it was one of his black tshirts, as he owns many, and before you could look at him with an unquestionable question, "You were sober enough to change, I didn't." He answers. You relax your shoulders, sighing.

Just the very presence of him makes your head go into a never ending spiral. It was embarrassing looking like shit in front of him. You called my name, what the fuck. "Your head must be hurting?"

"Not really, I just need to take a shower." You say shaking your head confirming that you are alright.

He gets up.

You don't know what you did last night with him, or said but it feels like you pretty much fucked up in every way possible. You don't even know if the whole session was just a dream or you both actually really did something. You watch him uncover the curtains and opening the window so some fresh air could come in. He opens his cupboard taking out some pills, keeps them on the side table for you. Too busy thinking, you didn't hear whatever he said and watch him exit the room keeping a black tee on the chair.

whatever the fuck happened last night.

Taking the pills you went for a quick shower, wearing again one of his tshirt. Going in the another room, he already prepared lunch for you. You take the spoon in your hand, and it's some kind of soup. You smell it, the aroma filling you up. "You're not eating?"

"I am." he says sitting down beside you. You never knew he could cook, such a dream boy. You dip the spoon and circle it around in the bowl feeling anxious. "You talked quite a lot last night, you kno-" he bantered eyeing up playing with the spoon. Without a second thought you interjected, "What exactly did i say?" not looking at him.

"We have a lot of time to discuss that in detail, right now focus on eating." he poked, smirking. "Just tell if i said something offensive or you know, stupid I won't stay for long." Finally taking a sip of the soup while it's still hot. "Look outside, its raining." he says moving his head towards the window wanting you to look out. It indeed is raining, which means you will have to stay. 

"So now that you're staying, why not have some fun? You play video games?" he asked cheerfully.

"No." you deadpanned.

"I knew, we'll watch a movie then." You look at him blond eyes, he's goofing around again.

He made popcorns, everything was set in front of his decent sized tv. It was like he was being extra cautious about everything, thinking twice before saying or doing anything. You on the other hand were embarrassed and awkward as hell. God only knows what beans you spilled last night, the possible things you could have that are coming to your brains are extreme. Plus he's not even telling.

He kept a decent distance between you two when he sat down on his small sofa, it was a small sofa so the decent amount means close enough to feel him right next to you. The movie was playing but neither of you were paying any attention to it. If it wasn't for the presence of the other, you could have both said the rain was distracting. Already tired and even more tired after forcing yourself to concentrate on the movie when exactly you dozed off to wonderland you didn't remember. One loud roar of thunder startled you back to life, "It's okey, just a thunder, go back to sleep." His words come in a low register, whispered close to your ear his hot breath almost tingling. You shift comfortably on what felt like a lap, shooting your eyes open you realised the position you were in and quickly sat up murmuring sorrys and fucks while trying to hide yourself, "When did i sleep!?" you mumbled, rubbing your eye, in order to avoid his.

"Sleep again you look tired." he pointed out looking at you. As if it wasn't awkward enough already for you to sleep in his goddamn lap. You shake your head, "No its good." You grin at him. His eyes never leave your frame. You shift to the left putting as much distance possible in between. He notices it. "Do I make you nervous?" 

 fuck yes.

It was like the oxygen was taken away from you. You tried breathing but it was useless. So this is one of the manys of what happened last night. "I said that?" He looks at you, nodding his head lights. "And they say one doesn't lie when there drunk." raising an eyebrow. Pressing your lips together you turn your head to the tv, "Let's not talk abo-" he didn't let you finish, "Answer me." He turns off the tv causing you to frown, "Answer!" You roll your eyes looking away again, it's hard maintaining eye contact right now. "What do you wanna hear?" 

"Truth."

You look at him. For a minute nothing was spoken. You looked at him and he looked at you. And that was that. Many of the hardest one minutes of your life. You sigh out in defeat, giving up the eye game, he sits straight. "What else did i say last night?" 

"Just that." 

You laugh, "That can't possibly be true." 

"Then you already know what you might have said last night." Wetting your lips, looking out of the windows, rain pouring harder by every passing hour, things getting more and more awkward. You could either tell him everything, and expect him to not act on it and be awkward Or you can just ask him to pretend last night never happened and let everything be awkward for the rest of the lives, because theres no way things are going back to normal, as if they ever were. 

Clicking your tongue, "Will you drink hot chocolate?" The only way to avoid a conversation is a hot chocolate. It works most of the times. All you wanted to do was escape his vicinity.

You stand by the window in his small kitchen, rain drizzles over your face as it falls down, rainy seasons are gloomy, you think. Cold air rushes in leaving you cold and shivering, alone, in the middle of the darkness in this room with your thoughts which are way too louder than your capacity to hear. You don't know why but him knowing how you feel about him just complicates everything by a thousand fold. And what if he wants to be with you? What will you do then? Yes you like him but, you can't risk being in a relationship again. You've already lied to yourself everyday by believing that you'll not love him, but now you do. And the fact that last night will fuxk everything up between you two is saddening because you are going to say no and he will not be very appreciative.

If; he likes you back. 

You feel his presence behind you. Not too close but not too far. You call out his name, he confirms. After a moment you speak, "Yes you make me nervous." trying to speak loud and clear but you voice only manages to come out in whispers. You hear him cackle. "I know." His deep voice goes straight down to your core, leaving you weak in your knees, he's standing just behind you. You feel his breath on your ear making you hold your breath, not moving even one inch. How desperately you want his hands on you and how badly he wants to sqeeze you in his arms and tell you everything he's been keeping inside for so long. Only if you knew. Only if you saw his face right now, looked into his eyes. You would know he wants you too, he always has. Since the day he saw you on your first day he craved you. Every day being by your side wasn't enough but oh he was just so scared to lose you after being told everything you've been through by your batchmates. He figured your past won't allow you to. So he kept quite. Falling in love with you everytime you looked at him, everytime you smiled at himz shyed away from him. He fell in love with the way you lived and laughed and cried. Just like you fell for him. 

"Take a chance with me?" he spoke lowly, carefully. You turned around, facing him. Shaking your head no caused the tears to fall down that were building in your eyes. You kept shaking you head moving back untill your back touched wall. You sobbed, no you were practically crying like a child in front of him only it was on mute. He approaches you coming closer and closer it was like you lost your mind and your senses gave up on working. "I can't" you managed to speak aloud.

"Why?" he asks trying to stop your crying at the same time. Holding you by shoulders, gently stroking up and down, calming. "You don't know what happened." 

He lifts your tear stained face up by his fingers, making you look at him, "I'm willing to know." he pushes further, caging you between him and the wall. "And if I don't understand, make me!" it's hard to understand the expression on his face. He's sad but, he's also angry. And frustrated and hurt but at the same time, gentle and understanding and concerned. Hands moving to cup your face, "You want me to confess first right? I love you okay? I have ever since god know when. And i know you do too so why the fuck can't you just let go and let me!?" The last part he says through greeted teeth while punching the wall behind you, you jump out in fear, "Fuck Im sorry." he apologizes under his breath, realising he's being to harsh.

He moves in closer, connecting his forehead with yours, "I'm sorry." he breathes out heavily, he's crying. He's hurting. "I can't help but think of what we could be." You open your eyes to look at him, tilting your face up a little, closing in the gap even more. His eyes are tight shut. "I can't help but think about you." He opens his eyes to look into your dark ones, getting lost. You both breathe heavily, hearts beating at the same pace, passion shooting through your veins. He closes the inches left in between you too, both of you close your eyes, nose touching, breathing in the air only the other can provide. His lips linger close to yours, quivering, afraid to harm you. Afraid to scare you. Chest heaving up and down in synchrony, lips ready melt into each other, only a moment apart, only a touch apart, still apart.

He draws a sharp breath in moving away but only slightly. You look down, the tension in the air is so heavy it could crush your weight under it. Tears still falling down like a waterfall.

 "Please don't say no." he speaks in the quietness. You shook your head again, whispering "Don't cry." 

He wiped it as quickly as it fell. "I'm sorry" you say, trying to move past him, but he stops you holding your hand, making you turn around. Gripping you face with only one hand he crashes his lips on yours, you pause. You didn't try pulling away, not because his grip was too tight but you didn't wanted to. When you moved your lips, he moved his. He held you by your waist with his other arm. Making you dizzy, holding you close you could feel his beating heart against your chest. Head tilted to deepen the kiss, body crushing into each other like planets colliding, teeth clashing like two swords in a battlefield, hands roaming the bodies freely, holding on to each other like you were to lose them the very next second. He could taste your tears in his mouth. He could taste his life. It was beautiful, it was perfect. In that moment you felt you could let go of everything that was holding you back, you past didn't matter in that moment. You saw one chance, one possibility. 

Struggling to stand straight, he walks your over to the counter never leaving your lips. He slows it down, letting you breathe. Softly sucking your swollen lips. He takes your lower lip between his teeth, he bites it so hard you whince in pain, which only makes him lower his hands and squeeze your butt, pulling you lower body to meet his, grinding into each other, desperate for each other, not getting enough and wanting more and more. The visible bulge in his bottoms evidently hit the right spots, making you lose control, making you go wild and grind yourself into him too. The height difference makes it so much easier like his body was made keeping you in mind so you both could fit each other perfectly. His hands travel north, tangling your hair and pulling them down, which makes your head go back, exposing your neck to him. His lips leave yours, sucking in a new space found, leaving deep red marks, marking you as his.

It took one single thought to pull you out of it, again. You try to push him away, struggling at first, he backs off, and the moment he does you leave, "So you're going to ignore me now?" he says panting, making you stop and turn back. He looks at the red mark on your neck that he created. He chuckles, "Thats the plan? huh? Ain't gonna work." you're hurting him you know it. You turn around to leave, "You're gonna come back."

And you leave.

You just leave. 

And like that, 5 months pass. The day turns into night and night into day, you go to college and come back home then go to college again. You see him every day and he sees you everyday and like strangers you cross paths. He started a new job, you heard. You started having panic attacks, he heard.

Sit and stare out of the window, thinking of all that you could have done differently. You thought not being with him or anybody would make things alright. Being alone would make your head clear and a little less messed up and then maybe you can go out date freely without having to be afraid of what might go wrong. But it seems like it all backfired on you. Now you have one more thing to forget, one more thing to carry everyday.

You thought you would get better, but little did you know it was him who was making you better. You thought you would get over him but you really do love him. You can't get him out of your head and he's gone, you fucked it all up. You broke his heart which ended up breaking you too.

Sitting on the couch in the parties is the only thing you've been doing lately. How long can someone pretend that they're okay? A month? A year? You've been doing it since your childhood. You're tired of pretending and tired of hoping that it's all gonna get better. You can't even pretend anymore to be honest, it's evident you do that you miss him. You've been sitting here for 3 hours, just sitting not drinking. What if you get drunk? Who's gonna drive you home you have no one. He's here too. Not drinking. Not looking at you, not thinking about you, rather having fun actually. he moved on?

Why wouldn't he, why shouldn't he? It wasn't his fault. You're the only one to blame. He cried, he begged you to stay to not say no, but you didn't listen to him. Why should he wait on someone like you. You push all your hair to one side letting them cover your face in an attempt to hide from Yuta, you can't help but watch him closely, laughing and talking and everything, he's faking it. You know him this much to know which smiles he is faking. And suddenly he is looking at you. Earnestly. 4 minutes of intense gaze and then you give up. Breathing already uneven and your palm is sweating, you know what's gonna come. You throw your head back to rest on the sofa and stare blankly at the ceiling.

I shouldn't have said no.

I should have stayed.

Why did I do it.

I knew you i wrong.

I broke his heart.

It's all my fault.

Something is really wrong with me.

I made him cry.

He really loved me, how could you!

"Fuck."

The walls were closing in on you. It was going dark before your eyes, you couldn't shut your brain up. It was like you were trying to breathe but couldn't like someone evacuated your lungs out of oxygen or maybe there wasn't any oxygen left in the air to breathe. Head was hurting like someone was constructing a fucking road on it. You were panicking, heart beating at an abnormally high rate, sweat collecting at the low of your back. You lose complete sense of the surroundings. You try to get up but can't, so you just sit there on the sofa in the middle of a crowded room, trying to breath, with your head down to your knees. The music and the people get too loud, it felt like they were screaming your name you shut your eyes and cover your ears with your hands, just praying this would pass away soon.

A jacket was thrown over you, over your head. He was rubbing your back up and down, in an attempt to soothe you. He makes you shift from the position you were in to a position where your head was down on his knees, and his jacket still covering your face. His hand creeps under the jacket to caress your hair and he whispers sweet nothings in your ear, trying to make you focus on him, and on his voice.

You start crying in his lap, under his touch listening his voice after so many days, you missed him. His heart aches seeing you like this, watching you deteriorating day by day. He hated that he couldn't do anything, couldn't help you through it but he knew better. He knew nothing he could have said or done would have made you realise that running away was not an option, you have to face it, face your past and get over it, let go. And let love. Because what is love is not a risk? what is love if not taking a shot in the dark? what is love if not a mere chance? what is love if not a distinct possibility? Him trying would have just made you push him away even more! He wouldn't let that happen, so he waited on love. He waited on you. . He calls your name, twice "listen to my voice okay? It's okay, you're okay! Just try to breathe." You nod your head, the tears disappearing in the fabric of his jeans. "Let's go out okay?" He asks, after five minutes or so he walks you out of the room. Breathing the fresh night air somehow calms your nerves but you're still hyperventilating. He makes you side on the boundary wall that's pretty low. Your still a mess, eyes watering and breaths hitch you murmur small sorrys to him. The crying is just making it all worse, he noticed. Taking your face in his hands making you look straight into his eyes, "Breathe in." he asks you to and you do "hold." you hold your breath. "Release." you let go. At first it was hard but with his help you gained control again.

"I'm so sorry Yuta, i was i was trying to protec- protect you. I didn't wanted to hurt you i swear on my life." You sob. He nods, coming face to face "I know, you did your best."

"But I made you cry."

"because i couldn't see you hurting, also you left but i knew you were gonna come back."

"I tried that day, i wanted to stay i wanted to be with you but i couldn't i just couldn't bring myself up to believe that i was deserving to hold you. I-

I didn't deserve you, i still- "

"Don't complete that sentence or I'm gonna be real mad at you."

"no listen to me i don't have anything to give you I'm just I'm a messed up piece of shit i would've just wasted your time and energy."

"Well then you're my messed up piece of shit, whom i get to take care of because i want nothing but only you. And i totally wanna waste my time with you."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be, Its all good now"

You took a deep breath. Nothing is gonna change the fact that you hurt him, but he was wise enough to know you weren't intentionally trying to. Love. "I don't know what else to say but i love you"

"And that's more than enough babe."

"Ba-be?"

"I've been dying to call you that you know?"

"Why are you so good to me?" He just shrugs and ruffles your hair. "Wanna complete watching that movie together?" You sigh in relief nodding your head a big yes.

You thought he was taking you to watch a movie, but it was a whole different scene the moment you entered his apartment. He changed the lights. They are a warm shade of yellow now. He did put the movie on, but you weren't paying any attention to it. Your head was hurting because of the sudden attack you had at the party, so he insisted on sleeping instead. 

You tried sleeping, but the smell of his perfume on the bed kept you awake. makes you reckless. made your thoughts run wild. You remember how it felt the last time you were here, in his apartment. The tension, the dream, the heat, the kiss. Not the fighting part of the whole situation, but the part where you were wholly in love with him. The part where you wanted to take a chance The part where you wanted to give him your all. 

Feeling too overdriven by your train of thoughts, you get out of bed. You follow the noise that was coming from the kitchen to find Yuta making something. "What are you doing at this hour of the night?" You speak softly, standing by the door frame. He looks at you unfazed. "I assumed you were sleeping," I said. "The bedsheets smell like you." You walk behind him slowly, his eyes following your every step. "Quite distracting." 

"If you weren't drunk enough the last time you were here." 

"Then I wouldn't have been here." 

"Fact," he says, nodding."Try it," he says, handing you the cup. He emptied whatever he was making, tea. "Since when did you start drinking tea?" you question, placing the cup down, trying to sit on the counter. He helps you jump. "Since hot chocolate started reminding me of you." 

"I'm sorry," you whisper quietly. 

"You don't have to do it, and you shouldn't waste your time!" He scolds you, taking the empty cup from your hands and placing it in the sink. "I'll say it as long as I need to." 

"Useless "

Then how can I make it up to you? You can only tell. " 

"Endless ways I can think of right now." There was a sudden change in the way he spoke. The hoarseness in his voice lingered in the air and warmth creeped into his eyes. The coldness in the air was replaced by this heavy heat of want that was engulfing you and him alive. "Like?" 

Keeping your voice at a hearable volume, you make space between your legs by separating them, which was taken by him the very next second, "like finishing what we started." " You know what's coming next." The movie? " You put on the most innocent face you ever had in your life, looking him directly in the eyes, playing with him like he plays with you. "Now now, what a disappointment you are," he says while tapping your cheek with his index finger. Biting your lower lip, you say, "Someone used to call me dumb..." 

"You're playing the wrong game, babe." He warns, tracing your jaw line and down your neck. He then lines your clavicle up and down, "You're gonna lose." He takes both his hands behind your back, pulling you closer with a jerk. His face was only inches away now, his lower body already in contact. You could feel him hardening against your pussy. He was this close. 

"What if I want to lose?" You answer, your voice barely above a whisper, the taste of the tea still in your mouth, sweet, but you want his taste now. He chuckles lowly, his lips brushing against yours as he speaks, his voice firm and demanding, unlike yours. "Well then, wait for me in the bedroom." 

It was new and exciting to get to see this side of him. Unlike his normal caring and soft self, this Yuta knew what he wanted. He is precious and just, and he needs no explanation for anything he does. "Oh and babe, undies off but keep my t-shirt on." You follow his command, going straight to the bedroom and removing your underwear and tossing it aside. 

You wait in anticipation, but don't quite know what to do. You were pacing around the room like a mouse chased by a cat. Butterflies in your stomach won't quiet down. The mere thought of what might happen causes goosebumps on your skin.Sitting at the edge of the bed, you check the time. It's 12:30 in the morning and that's when he enters. 

All of them changed. His demeanour was that of a wolf out on a hunt. And you were his prey. He shut the door behind him. His eyes were darker and his skin appeared a little bit colder than before. It's not like there's a third person but. You get up on your feet and just stand there in the middle of the room, a thousand thoughts in your mind playing every possible scenario that could happen. He drags a chair by its arm, situating it just in front of you, and sits down on it like a king. 

"Come ahead!" he orders. You start walking in an instant, almost tripping. His voice alone makes your insides curl and your pussy clench around nothing. Wetness is leaking down. 

"You really want to go down this road?" Changing his expression suddenly, his eyes glistened with a golden tint, probably because of the light coming in from the window. You try to play along, "Aren't we already down?" He smiles. "You can stop me anytime you don't feel comfortable, okay?" You nod, melting into his softness. How can this person do it? switching between personalities in mere seconds. 

"I doubt I'll stop you." You push a strand of your hair behind your ear, getting a little closer so your legs touch the chair. His legs were separated, and you were in the middle. The only source of light in the room was the street light, perfectly lighting up his face and your body. He lifts an eyebrow at what you just said, sitting upright in his chair. "Confident much? I like that. It won't be for too long though. " You shiver when his hands rub your outer thigh. He was waiting for a reply from you, but he was correct. The moment his hands touched your bare skin, all the confidence you were mustering up to talk back was thrown out of the window. His hands travel south and leave your skin hot, high, and dry. 

You gasp at the loss of contact. Being touched by someone, by him after so many years, you don't think you can last in this game for even a minute. 

"Let's begin, shall we?" 

You manage an "uhhm..." as you brace yourself for whatever he's about to do. He relaxes in his chair. With his eyebrows lifting up and down, he asks you to sit on the bed with a simple but powerful command. "Sit." 

You sit at the edge of the bed, your legs shut tight, your hands sweaty, and your mouth dry. 

"Let me see you." You didn't quite hear him, but you heard him. It was just so shockingly sudden. 

"Huh?" you stutter under his strong gaze. 

"Lost already." He deadpanned. He was mocking you, and he knows it's affected you. "Spread your legs, sweetheart." 

On his command, your agape mouth was shut, your legs already following his order, deciding to move on their own as your mind had given up on thinking ages ago. 

The show hasn't even started yet, and he's enjoying himself watching your timidity in every move you make. "No, actually, shift a little back. Make yourself comfortable." He gets up and shifts his chair forward as you move back on the bed. He got a glimpse of your core while you were shifting. You know he did because you saw the expression change on his face. Right there in that split second, you saw him almost lose and regain his composure.

Not letting him speak again, you spread your legs wide and open. The loose t-shirt that was covering you shifts up automatically, leaving you uncovered for him to devour you with his eyes alone. You looked at him and he looked at your core, shamelessly. This somehow gave you some kind of power over him. He is too weak for you. He curses under his breath, closing his eyes and breathing deeply but fast. 

The moment he opened his eyes and met yours, your soul definitely left your body. Your breath hitched, and you tried to look away from him, but his gaze was so hard it locked yours. You couldn't. "Touch yourself." You clench at his words, and he sees that. 

"Be more specific." That was bold of you to say that. He almost choked on your words. You may be the shy girl who is affected by small things, but you are also a freak. Although you do want to lose, you'd still give it your best shot. 

He poked his tongue under his cheek, nodding his head in approval of your regained confidence. "Touch your clit with only one finger and don't move it." 

Very precise. You do as he says. There is only one finger on your clit, and there is no movement at all. 

"Tap it." You do, lifting your finger up and keeping it gently on your throbbing clit. You clench again the moment your fingers touch, gasping out silently. "Keep on doing it until I say stop." He bites his lower lip as he watches you enjoy yourself at his command. The fact that you were doing it while he was watching you with his sinful gaze has already got you gripping the sheets and curling your toes. 

You do it slowly, sensually, watching him watch you. He's affected in ways he can't explain and in ways you can't fathom. Feeling good, you take your lower lip between your teeth and close your eyes. You get more comfortable as you fully submit to the task you were given. You let your head hang freely, trying to be more vocal, but letting out soft whimpers only. You didn't want to give him too much just yet. 

"Stop." 

You hiss at him. Drawing in a sharp breath, you bite your lip harshly in agression, not wanting to stop but stopping anyway. You look forward to him, his dilated pupils eyeing you like a scavenger, making you light-headed. "Enjoying yourself too much?" 

You nod slowly, your gaze never leaving his, and it drives him insane. 

Warmth creeps beneath your skin when he gets up from his chair and motions for you to come forward. You get on your knees, the t-shirt covers you again and you crawl to him to the edge of the bed to where he was standing. Sitting on your heels, you watch him loosen his belt. Then he undoes the waist button and unzips his pants. He slides them down, revealing white boxers and his untamed bulge, which he somehow managed to keep inside and hidden. 

You're dizzy by just imagining the size of him. You're unsure of what to do. Should you help him undress himself or should you just sit back and anticipate? Like a lost child, you wait for him to tell you. He asks a question instead. "I suppose you don't know how to give a blow job." Feeling belittled, you shook your head, looking up at him, "perfect." He compliments.

He slid the boxers down, his hard, thick and girthy dixk slapping against his abdomen, now free of any restrictions, standing tall and proud in front of you. You were too busy focusing on his perfection that you failed to keep up. He had already removed his shirt, and was now standing completely naked in front of you for the very first time. It's nerve awakening.

That is when you actually felt the gravity of the situation. It wasn't just some game you were playing; it was actually happening. You and he were actually happening. You fucking confessed to him yesterday! Yuta thought he was going to be angry and not talk to you at all because you broke his heart, but it's the complete opposite situation, he just couldn't be angry at you. Yuta knows better, good for you. He loves you. You love him and all your dreams about him were about to come true, he was going to make you his. 

"Fuck!" You didn't mean to say that out loud.

"Like what you see? I bet you dreamt about me. " It was like you were hypnotised by him or you lost control of yourself. It was like you were high on some drug. Or maybe you were high on him because you weren't thinking before nodding your head when he asked you that question. 

"What was I doing in them?" He takes his cock in his hands and starts palming it. You swear you saw it grow even bigger in size, as if it already wasn't. Too astonished to see the action just inches away from your eyes, you answer, "You were fucking me raw. From behind." You look up and gulp, "And you were spanking me, pulling my hair, kissing me, and marking me yours," you say in a small voice, so shameless, so pure.

"Get up on your knees." You do, inching yourself closer to him; he's still stroking his length in between. You look down, a new angle to admire him. You place your hand on his, your hand moving up and down his shaft with his. He slows down. "Want me to do all those things for you? Want me to touch you? " You looked up, mouth parted and eyes glistening to meet his dark ones. "Want me to pull your hair? want me to kiss you? fuxk you?" 

You nod frantically consumed by your arousal, his voice travelling straight to your untouched, unlooked, un-taken-careof core, your wetness literally sliding down your thigh. It's hurtful. 

"Oh baby, don't be that cute or I'll just have to fuck you right now." He says this restlessly before connecting his lips with yours. You let out a sigh of relief before giving into him. It was kind of the first physical contact he made after getting in this room, which has been nothing but hard for him to keep his hands away from you. He deepens the kiss. Tilting your face to the left, he locks his fingers in your hair, pulling them. The kiss was sloppy and messed up and just perfect, laced with desire and lust in every bit of it. Your tongues collided, your teeth clashed; you both just couldn't get enough of each other. Your hands rested on his neck, gripping tightly for support. He bites your lower lip making you gasp, then sucks it like candy. 

You reciprocate his every move. You try to, but you are getting out of breath. His hands travel down your back, lifting the t-shirt up and gripping your ass, squeezing it hard. You say his name aloud, breaking the kiss, "Yuta!" Your forehead rested on his shoulder while he kissed and nipped at your ear while kneading you, "Yes baby, you like it?" You hum in response, lifting your head up and looking at him, holding him close. "Rub your clit for me, baby." 

You bite your lower lip, lowering your hands and legs, your gaze never leaving his. You rub yourself up and down and in circles. He can't really see, but he knows. It makes his dick twitch. You let out a loud, breathy, dragged out moan, setting up a pace, "mhmmm shit."

He mimics that moan, his eyes burning with desire and lust. "Mhmmm shit... Nice and slow, yea baby, so good for me." You let out another breathy moan, closing your eyes but quietly this time, not wanting him to mock you again. 

His finger was placed on yours, on the one that was rubbing circles on your clit. You jump, in shock or excitement, you don't know. Your brain seizes the movement of your finger completely, "Why did you stop?" he takes over. His fingers move up and down, making yours move as well. Resting his forehead on yours, he continues to play with you, making you whimper with every flick. 

He moves your hands aside, your face contouring in pleasure when his fingers touch you, bare and raw, with nothing in between. There were chills running down your lower back, your stomach tightening with the pleasure he was delivering. Slowing down a little, he collects your wetness in his fingers, bringing it to your mouth to suck on it. You lick it first, then swirl your tongue around it, and then take it in completely, sucking like a lollipop. 

You kiss him with your flavour in your mouth. His hands find their way back between your legs, rubbing your clit, up and down and sideways, the wetness making his movements sloppy, his fingers gliding frictionless on your sweet swollen nub. His finger circles your opening before carefully dipping it inside of you. You purr in his ear while his lips ghost over the exposed skin of your neck. His breath hits you every time he exhales, absolutely burning your skin to a hot red. You clench around his finger, not letting it escape. Well, you finally have something to clench around this time. He stays inside of you for awhile. 

"Rub yourself again." And in no time, you're following his words, bringing your right hand to circle your clit. Now desperate to release, you don't go for slow motion but rather set a high pace. 

"Slow it down." 

You might be in disagreement looking at him but he gives you one look and you're slowing your fingers down. He pulls his finger out just to push it in again, and again, and again. You try to match your movements with his, setting a slow rhythm. You go up every time he pushes in, and that's how he drives you to your first orgasm of the night.

You've been at the edge for so long, you're coming undone with only one finger. You stop circling yourself and hold him to keep yourself up while his fingers are still working you up, slow and steady, riding you through it and pushing you into the beginning of the next one. 

His finger was buried up to his knucles, deep in you. He places his palm flat against your mound. You press into his touch. Moving your hips to grind into his hand, breathing harshly, he supports your body and whispers praises in your ear about how good you are and the amazing job you're doing. Just when you thought you could cum again, he makes you stop and removes his hand from between your legs. 

Licking his finger clean, he asks you to get on your hands and knees, "face down ass up, fast!" he said while pumping himself. The site of his hardened veiny dick was hard to look at. It was begging for your attention, but you weren't really confident with that. Instead of following his order, you stare at him palming himself. You look at him with a question written in your eyes. He understands what you're asking for but doesn't really acknowledge it. "Please." You kneel in front of him. He rolls his eyes, but gives you a look of content. 

"My girl wants a taste." 

You smile when he calls you his girl, "Yes. Your girl wants a taste." emphasis on the, "your girl." 

When you bring your face closer and look up at him, ready to take him in, he curses under his breath, holding your head in place with his hands clenching your hair in a fist, in the softest manner. "Open your mouth." You do, also giving a little extra you stick your tongue out for him.

He places the tip of his dick on your tongue, gently sliding it in against the surface. You close your lips around it. He slides further deep into your mouth, controlling himself to not push in too deep. Very slowly, he draws it out, leaving you empty and wanting more of him. He lets you take a taste, though. Slithering against your tongue in swift motions.

You swirl your tongue around his tip, which is already leaking. You try to take him deeper but his grip won't let you he only fucks his tip in. Finally bringing up the courage to take him into your small hands, you wrap your hand around the base of it, applying slight pleasure, moving your hand up and down his shaft. 

"Just like that." His voice boosts your confidence. He lets you play with him with your innocent little hands which are like a tease to him, until he can't take it anymore. Seeing you determined, his grip on your hair tightens and with his other hand, he moves your hands aside. He yanks your head back. "Open wider" He growls, as you do. And he slams his cock deeper than before. The sounds you produce are embarrassing. He goes deeper, causing you to gag, your heartbeat fastening even more all of a sudden. You mumble protest, telling him to remove himself and wrap your hand around his wrist, taking a hold of it. He withdraws himself, you cough a little, breathing deeply, then open your mouth again to take him in. He grins, "Now that's my baby!" tightening his fist around your hair and pulling your head a little more up. 

He slides his dick down again, slowly and gently going deeper. He wasn't even going deep to be honest; he was just at the brim, yet your mouth was full of him. Hair messed up and eyes watery, swollen lips wrapped around his girthy member, saliva trailing down your neck, only acting as a lubricant. When he finally siezes his dick after seeing your tousled state and didn't want to cum just yet, you try to regain your breath. Holding your hair back, not pulling anymore, rather soothing your nerves down. Wiping a tear away, he devours your glistening lips with his, not taking any time to deepen it. Pushing you down on the bed, he hovers over you, keeping his knee in between your legs, very very close to your aching to be touched core. His lips leave yours, connecting to your still aching jaw. He leaves a warm wet trail of kisses down your neck and everywhere in between. Sloppy kisses were placed along your clavicle, purposely sucking and leaving red marks around, making you hiss in pain and take his name. 

His hands roam up and down your body, making sure there isn't a single inch left to be touched and explored by him. His hand stretched the tee you were wearing, revealing only the upper part of your breast. He kitten licks the area, then bites the flesh and soothes it with a kiss, making every part of your body his, messed up, burning hot and so beautiful. 

His lips go south, taking your hardened nipple in his mouth and sucking on it through the thin fabric of the tee. While playing with the other, Your lower body automatically starts grinding on his knee, trying to obtain some friction, but it seems to be not working, but you swear the amount of heat dissipating from just the mere contact was enough to melt gold and silver. 

He is too intoxicated just by the way you feel against his lips. He brings himself back to reality to perform the second main job. He gets off the bed only to sink down on his knees in front of you. His face only a few licks away from your heat, you move closer to his mouth. He separates your legs further away, only able to look at you in full bloom this once. Drunk already, he dives in for a sip, and he is not disappointed. A long lick from the bottom of your warmth till up to your clitoris got your toes curling. While he laps at your juices, you curse his name a hundred times. He flicks your clit with his tongue, then sinks it as deep as it can go into you while nuzzling his nose to brush against your clit, it's a perfect blend to which he adds his fingers, the middle one he pushes in first. Out he comes to push it in 2 knuckles deep and then finally sink it deeper, curling it inside, making you roll your eyes back in pure bliss. You're feeling extremely. He adds another finger. That hurts a little but is soon replaced with pleasure. He works you up to your second orgasm, but doesn't let you cum just yet. 

His hands leave your body at once, and you hold back a moan, trying not to sound desperate. His figure walks across the room where he must have kept his wallet. 

You hear a wrapper being torn, goosebumps crawl up on your skin. He takes no time to return. "Make room for me." He gets on the bed, splitting your legs wider. He lets you rest in a comfortable position, keeping a pillow under your head. He drags his fingers between your folds, collecting your juices and spreading them on his member. You look up at the ceiling, aftain, excited, impatient. The yellow lights are forming abstract patterns on the wall. You feel his tip at your entrance, and soon he pushes it in with optimum pressure. You contract your muscles and your eyes shut tightly at the feeling. It's one of pain and fear and not pleasure. "Yuta, it hurts." You breathe out and call his name, your hands trying to grab his shoulders. He pushes in further, rather slowly this time while towering over you and coming face to-face, "Good." 

You lift your hips up a little to ease out the passage, and he bottoms out. He stays like that for a minute. No words were exchanged, just the feelings being felt. His breaths are uneven matching with yours. He connects your foreheads together. You don't know if his eyes are closed or open. They're closed. You inhale him in as he exhales you. 

"Fuck," he growls just before abruptly slamming into you, "Fuck." 

And then it continues, and it hurts no more. He's fucking you hard and slow, going deep and deeper. Making you cry out every time he hits that spot. His voice is husky and low, sending shivers dancing up and down your body. You whimper under him. Your sounds, mixed with the slickness of your bodies crashing into each other, were playing on repeat; warmth and lust in the shade of red were decorating the room, and the orange glitched tint was illuminating the perfect parts of him and you. 

He goes from a painfully slow to a pleasurably fast pace, no mercy he was showing, abusing your little cunt with his big thick dick, driving all the pleasure out for himself as he should, while giving you exactly what you wanted. So good. It feels so good to finally have him inside you, using you, destroying you to only mend you as whole, as his. 

He's fucks you so right.

He lifts his body up a little, supported by his hands over you, looking at your contoured face. He slaps your cheek playfully in an attempt to get you to open your eyes and look at him while he fuxks the shit out of you. He grabs your hands and pins them behind your head. Oh, he knows you are going to come, but it doesn't make him stop or slow down. He continues fuxking you harder and harder until you come undone under him. Your body convulses. Waves of pleasure travel through your nerves, hitting your brain. Your vision go black and, for a brief moment, you lose complete sense of reality, being in a state of complete euphoria. You've never had an orgasm like this before.

And the best part of it all is that he doesn't stop. 

He's drilling in and out of you at a monsteric pace. Your body writhes under him, trying to squirm its way out of his grip, but all these go in vain when his fingers wrap around your dainty neck, applying only the right amount of pressure to hold you down and keep your body fixed in its place. 

When he loses control, his merciless pace becomes even more merciless, banging his head hard, fast, and deep all at once. His thrusts became sloppy and rushed. Chasing after his high, he goes feral. You watch him clench his jaw in pleasure, the sweat rolling down making his hair stick to his skin, his low grunts and humming sound. He's trying to contain himself. What a sight. It makes you want to cum again. 

The pleasure starts building at the pit of your stomach again. You wrap both your hands around his hand, the one that was choking you, while rocking your hips back and forth, trying to match him, looking into his eyes, speaking with an unspoken language. 

And that's how he fuckls you into believing that you are enough, for him and for yourself. That you are capable of being loved and taken care of. That even if you're messy and stupid and dumb, you're still perfect. That you can let go and you can trust. That you can be.

Be his.

And then he explodes inside of you. He couldn't be more grateful, couldn't be more precise in saying that his wait was worth it. You were worth it. He rubs you into your third orgasm. And after that, nothing was like it was before. 

All of you changed. 

All of you changed when he kissed you and told you that he loved you so much. All of you changed when you saw him clean you up in the after hours. All of you changed when he fell asleep beside you, taking you into his arms. 

All of you changed when you met him for the first time.

______

did not proof read, but hope u liked it, The constructive criticism is accepted here, do leave a follow ~

#nct #nct 127 #nct dream #wayv smut #wayv #jaehyun #yuta nakamoto #taeyong #mark lee #nct jhonny #nct yuta smut #nct yuta #nct nakamoto yuta #jaehyun smut #spotify #aesthetic #smut masterlist #nct smut #nct fic #nct imagines #music #kpop #fanfic #under the influence #no guidance #corruption

[hannahssimblr]

note: you don't need to know how to pronounce Garda Síochána - just know it's what we call our police force in Ireland. Any mention of garda/guards is in reference to the cops. Jude is saying the Síochána bit (the full name) to be funny and emphasise the fact that they are entirely unarmed. If you do want to know how to pronounce it then here is someone saying it right.

We are greeted at the doctor’s waiting room by two familiar faces. Shane and Joe look up when we enter, and the biggest, dopiest smile I’ve ever seen spreads over Joe’s face. “What’s up guys! You got ticks too?”

“Um, yeah.”

He fist bumps me, then Jen, “Hell yeah! Tick friends. Four thicks with ticks. We should get that tattooed.”

“Good idea,” I slump into a creaky seat and immediately start fidgeting with a ballpoint pen on the table. While the others chat to one another I begin to draw random shapes onto the corner of a magazine. 

“So we lose four tents,” Shane is saying, “And we all get ticks. Would ye say that’s the biggest failure of all time?”

“We can go back and get the tents though, lad,” Joe says, “Sure I can remember where we were and all.”

“They’re in the dump by now for sure,” Jen says, “So annoying because I actually really liked that tent, and the sleeping bags too. Like, we lost a bloody fortune worth of stuff that we could have used to go to a music festival or something.”

A fat pigeon lands on the windowsill and I quickly sketch it out, not realistically, but a stupid cartoon version who is trying to swallow an entire loaf of white sliced pan in one gulp. I cock my head. It’s actually a bit grotesque. Maybe I should scribble it out. 

“Man, I’m just glad that Jude made it out of there alive,” Joe says, “We didn’t know if you were going to make it.”

“What, like, do you think I was going to get shot to death by the Garda Síochána?”

“No, I dunno, like.”

“Thanks for abandoning me, by the way.”

“Oh stop it Jude,” Jen punches my arm, which throws my line off, “He’s in a huff because we saved ourselves instead of coming to find him, but anyone would have done the same.”

“Well you were fairly busy!” Joe protests, “Off with Clóda.” I’m not looking at him, but I can practically hear the exotic wiggle of his eyebrows, “C’mere, man, did you ride her?”

I glance quickly at Shane who is staring at the floor, “Nah, I didn’t.”

“What? You had the chance and you didn’t take it? You’re crazy, Jude. If that’d been me I’d have-”

I zone out as Joe, the chronic virgin, starts describing what he would have done and not done, while dimly aware that Jen is giving out to him for being disrespectful. The pigeon drawing is coming along. Maybe I’ll make this guy into a new character and put him in different scenarios. I draw a newer version of him on the next page with eyes looking in two different directions and I chuckle to myself at how stupid it looks. 

“That’s a cool drawing,” Jen murmurs, peering over my shoulder, “you should bring it home and glue it into your sketchbook.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“-Oh yeah, and that reminds me,” Joe goes on, moving fluidly from his thoughts about Clóda to the next topic without so much as a pause for breath. He’s like a tap that never stops dripping. “I’ve been thinking of getting a tattoo, like an actual tattoo, you know I was joking about the Thicks with Ticks thing before, but now that I’m sixteen I’ve been like, maybe I should get one if my ma or da lets me, and like, I was thinking that Jude is really good at art and all, so it’d be cool if I got him to draw something for me that I could get tattooed on me, you know?”

I sit up wielding my biro, “Where, man?”

“Huh?”

“Where’d you want your tattoo? I’ll do a sketch for you now.”

“Oh cool, yeah, like maybe my neck, like here?” He runs a finger from his ear to his shoulder, “Like something cool, a dragon or whatever, breathing fire, and maybe with its tail curling around like that.”

“A dragon, yeah?” I lean across Jen and push his head to the side to stretch out the skin and I start drawing.

He glances at Jen after several minutes, “How’s it look?”

She keeps a straight face, “Yeah, unreal. It’s a dragon alright.”

I finish it off with a few flourishes and then Joe shows it off to Shane, “Well?”

Shane splutters.

“Is it cool?”

“C’mere give me a proper look,” he turns him all the way around and stares intently at the drawing. “Man, that is the most detailed penis I’ve ever seen.”

Jen and I cling to one another cackling. 

“Even the spurts of cum, fuck sake, you’re sick,” Shane starts shaking with laughter too while Joe panics and tries to wipe it away with his hand. “Aw, are you serious? Is it just a dick?”

Shane looks again and shrieks “The veins!”

“No, you’re going to have me go into the doctor with a cumming dick on my neck?”

“You don’t like it?” I pretend to be offended and clutch my heart, “That wounds me, really.”

Jen joins in, “Yeah, he worked hard on it, how could you be so cold?”

The doctor comes to the door, “Joseph Roche?”

He stands up and gives us all the most aggressive middle fingers he can muster. “Fuckers,” he says, and follows the doctor out while we all collapse in fits of hysterical laughter. 

Beginning // Prev // Next

#lucky boy #someone explain to me why teenage boys (and actually adult men too) are obsessed with drawing dicks on everything #i agree it's hilarious #but please ya'll are so weird #tw:sex mention

[aleksa-sims]

RL Simselfstory (18+)

CW: adult topics, unplanned pregnancy

N. told me why he was so mad at P. In short, it was about my Dad.😒 But I’ll explain, when I tell my parents about N. & me. After we talked, we went up to his bedroom. It was already light. We just talked all night about everything that had to be clarified (N.'s fiancee). This was a lot!! But it had to be! I needed to know, if Nico was really serious about me. I believed N.! He never lied to me, so I trusted him. Also, I decided to divorce Daniel😭,once I talked to my parents.

Nico: Why are you still on P.’s side and stick by him? That’s exactly what Daniel also said, when he and I talked. I was always the bad guy for you, but never Philip. You blamed me for everything, including his yoga bitch... But well, just fuck it. 😕

Me: I tried to stay friends with him. He was always there for me. But it didn't work out! In the end, we were just yelling at each other and even later, after I met D. And whenever I was mad at Philip, I was mad at you, too. This wasn't fair. Sorry N. And I don’t have feelings for P., if you think that. Really not! This was a mistake anyway. We all failed. 🤷‍♀️

Nico: Is there anything else you wanna tell me or ask me, before we ..... well, move on?

Me: Um.... actually,.... yes! But maybe I should let sleeping dogs lie?

Nico: No idea what that means? Tell me!

Me: You remember Sofia. I saw her a few times last year. Sof liked to annoy me about you. She made fun of me and said you treated me like a... sex slave. 🫤 I didn’t know exactly what she meant, but....ugh, anyway! Is that true? Did you want that from me?

Nico: 🤣🤣... Did I ever keep you in chains or whipped you or something? 😅

Me: Stop teasing me, jerk! You know damn well what I mean.

Nico: Nah, I’m not really keen on hurting you or into pain in general. You know that! I told you that before, too. But some discipline wouldn’t hurt you, babe. 😅

Me: You see? That's exactly what I meant! You kept playing your carzy mind games with me. You, with your will to subjugate me in every way.

Nico: Yea, and?... I never forced you to do anything!! And that’s the difference! If you didn’t want something, I didn’t want it either. But I know you wanted to please me and did everything to satisfy me. And you've done absolutely right. You’re just perfect for me.😏 I loved you like crazy. And Sofia, that manipulative bitch... I got SO pissed! I just wanted to protect you! My whole pad was smoky bcs of you two! You were totally stoned, brain-dead!

Me: Says the guy who put his fist through a wall. 🤨 And btw, you were constantly pissed! Not just that day.

Nico: Don’t you think we’ve talked enough?... Be a good girl and do as I say 😏😄 ... Get undressed and follow me to the bathroom.

Me: Ironically, the shower?.... You wanna get me depressed or what?

Nico: No! Never... Let's start again, where it left off.

I had still my wedding going on in my head. I told myself, " you had to stop thinking about Daniel, that’s not fair! Do it, or end this rn!" Suddenly Nico said something to me... something totally unimportant, which I actually forgot. He talked about my obession for my coconut shower gel. He asked me, if I still use it? Somehow this short conversation about that, made me feel good. It was like a kind of confirmation for me, that I needed at that very moment. I felt, he's always been the one and so I really started to let go of Daniel. And I succeeded! I was happy with Nico but...anyway.🤯

My Simself was a little embarrassed about me posting those spicy pics. 😳🫣 But no joke, I always struggle to poste something like this.

Nico: You see, babe? I have no prob getting on my knees for you, too.

Me: Yea, sure! 🤨 You only do that bcs there’s not enough room here in the shower. But you don't have to do that fo rme!!

Me: I hope you really dumped her. I know you didn’t mean to cheat on her, but if this isn’t over with you two yet, you’re cheating on me too now. 😟

Nico: I'm confused... But why do you think I lied to you?

Me: I don't really think that. I-... I just wanna be sure.

Nico: I understand why you have doubts, but honestly? That sucks. I don't wanna think or talk about her at all rn. I can’t go back to her after seeing you again. Even if I wanted to, I can’t. I can’t give up on you.

Me: And I can’t say no to you. I never could and you know that. That's why-... I thought you might take advantage of that... Sorry, I’m gonna shut up now.🤦‍♀️

I shouldn’t have thought that much about that girl, but paid a little more attention to another important topic. PROTECTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I forgot to tell N., that I had this.... hormone-free thing/ IUD removed in summer... As you know, that hormone-free IUD, had caused me damage. And my doc said, the risk of not having kids, because of the injuries I already got, was too high! He advised Daniel and me to simply use condoms. That was the only option we had. But we didn't! Daniel just paid attention when we had sex not to... knock me up. But even if I had become pregnant by him, it would have been okay for us.

But now back to the actual aim/topic of this post. 👶 N. & I had sex. He used a rubber. But when he was.......well, done, he removed it and just kept going with me. I thought, okay? Either he’s extremely horny, or...... no idea what he was up to? I could have stopped him, but I didn’t!! I thought I wouldn’t get pregnant anyway and if, it's too late? However, I was kind of sure I couldn’t have kids. Daniel & I wanted a Baby after we got married, but it just never happend. So why should it be different with Nico? After just one fucking time!?

Even if our Baby was not planned & and N. & I actually had an affair/ a fling at that time , I can say that it was.... made with Love. N. said, "I love you", when it happend. 🩷🩵 But, hm!? He always says that to me in that... particular situation. Still, I think he meant it honestly, I could feel it and not just that! Don't ask me why, but I just knew he................. hit a home-run.😨

Previous/ Next

#ts4 #sims 4 story #myrlgameplay #rl story #18+ content #cw adult themes #cw pregnancy #sims spice #sims 4

[doevademe]

Prompt: I have always loved the idea that both Percy and Nico come to the same person to rant about how much they pine for each other but they can’t be together be they are dumbasses, and it’s always Jason due to him typically being their third of their trio, but do want to know who I think would be funnier? Frank, who is Nico’s sister’s boyfriend and who is distantly related to Percy. I can see them both going to frank because 1) Frank is just an overall sweet guy who will you can kinda just talk to with having any snappy comments in return (you know characters like Annabeth, Leo and Jason would absolutely make fun of the both of them) and 2) frank is lowkey a pushover and would absolutely not be able to stand up to Percy and Nico using him as an emotional bucket to dump into. Frank is over here suffering just wondering how he got roped into this mess of a relationship.

Frank Zhang often wondered what had landed him in this position.

Maybe he was too nice, maybe he needed to practice saying 'no' once in a while, maybe he had been unlucky enough.

His bet was on him making a dumb comment once after walking in on something he shouldn't have.

It had been early in the morning and he had been going on his way to the senate, when he saw Percy's back as he leaned against someone suggestively.

Now, he knew it wasn't Annabeth, as they had broken up a while ago, but the way Percy covered the other person with his body was a little too intimate for the public street, at least in his opinion.

"Please don't do that in public," he had said before noticing, and Percy jumped to separate himself from... his future brother-in-law, Nico di Angelo.

"We weren't doing anything!" Percy had shouted, face red. "Just... talking about breakfast!"

Nico nodded quickly, as red as Percy.

Frank nodded carefully, fully prepared to move on and try to forget this ever happened, unaware that he had signed his death sentence.

"And he just... doesn't notice!" Percy said, frustrated. "I have tried everything, telling him he looks nice, invinting him to dinner, I even touched his ass!"

Frank looked around, hoping no one in the bistro had heard his friend/distant uncle, but was disappointed when he caught a few people looking at them discreetly.

"Just... he'll never see me as anything but a friend," he said, sulking.

"You know, you could be direct with him," he tried. "Just tell him how you feel."

Percy looked at him as if he had gone crazy.

"Are you insane? What if he doesn't feel the same?" Percy said. Frank was vaguely aware that his cofee with milk had gone cold a while ago. "It will ruin our friendship! I rather have Nico as a friend that not have him at all!"

Frank groaned. This was a test, maybe by his father to see if he would finally kill his nemesis. But Frank didn't have it in him to be that ruthless, and Percy was one of his closest friends...

"If only there was a way to know what he thought about me," he lamented, making the Praetor bite his tongue.

Yeah, if only someone could tell him that Nico felt the same... someone who hadn't been sworn to secrecy.

He had had to brush up his mythology trivia after he hadn't remembered what swearing by the Styx meant twice.

"Well, I need to get to class." Percy sighed and finished his cold cofee in one quick gulp. "Thanks for listening, Frank, you're the best."

The son of Mars gave a feeble smile and waved him off.

He paid for his part of the bill and went towards the fields of Mars, where he bumped into Nico.

"Frank," he greeted, face inescrutable like always. "Nice seeing you today."

"Uh, same," he said lamely. "I'm actually on my way to oversee some training drills so..."

"Are you free for lunch?" Nico asked, looking like he didn't care. Frank paled, but nodded after Nico stared at him intensely. "Great, the usual place, then?"

"O-okay..."

----

Hazel had been overjoyed over him spending more time with Nico. Having the most important men in her life be friends was everything to her.

If she knew why they hung out so much however... maybe she'd feel some pity for him.

"I just... can't understand him," Nico said, groaning into his pasta. Frank counted his blessings that at least Nico was much quieter. "Like, he touched me... inappropriately, yesterday, but after I asked he just said his hand slipped."

When Percy had chosen him as his confidante, he had said it was because they were friends, and since Percy had helped him get together with Hazel, so Frank felt as if he owed him.

Nico, though? He had been blunt and honest. He had just said, "you saw, please help me," and Frank was still very intimidated by the son of Hades to say no.

"And at this point, maybe he's telling the truth!" Nico exclaimed. "Maybe it's all in my head! I mean, Percy has always been a very touchy person, it... it could mean nothing..."

"Maybe you are the one that needs to be forward?" he tried for the second time that day. "Don't tell him what you feel, just say how it comes off as and confront him."

"What if he denies it?" Nico asked. "I... I couldn't take the rejection... At least like this, I can pretend that he likes me like I like him."

Frank busied himself with his steak to not comment. Nico sighed again and took a sip of his wine.

"I don't say this often but, thank you for listening," Nico said earnestly. "You're a good friend, Frank."

Frank gritted his teeth as he gave a forced smile.

"Anytime, Nico."

It wasn't like he could say no.

----

"Also," Frank said loudly to the Legion. Hazel raised an eyebrow, that was all they had discussed for their daily activities. "Any children or Legacies of Mercury or Hermes should speak with me before dinner. Dismissed."

The Legion saluted and marched.

"What was that about?" Hazel asked curiously.

"I need someone capable of forging handwriting," he said.

Now Hazel was really worried.

"You're not getting into anything dangerous, are you?"

"Huh? No! Don't worry!" he reassured her quickly. "It's the opposite, I'm getting out of a messy situation."

Hazel looked at her boyfriend's expression and relaxed a little.

"Is it one of those situations you could get out of if you just said 'no'?" She asked knowingly. Frank stayed silent. "Oh, Frank..."

"It will be better for everyone, not just me," he said. "Hopefully."

And hazel could only pray he was right.

#Percico #my writing #writing prompt #ask #heroichalfblood

[rimouskis]

Really empathizing with your recent life updates and hoping everything works out for you. I've also been experiencing some Life Events (not very fun lol) and i now have a very large urge to move to canada. Idk about you but im at that weird 20s stage of my life where everything seems so permanent and lifechanging but also not? So full support in your cross-country moving dreams!!

that's literally it sigh. I've recently had a lot of upheaval in my life that was out of my control and I think my instinctive reaction is grabbing everything I do have control over (like, to some degree, where I live) and also throwing that to the wind because I feel like my self-image is being radically reordered by forces outside of me, so I'm trying to gain control of everything by changing what I can change.

as I inch closer to my late 20s (maybe I'm there already, idk, pacing by age is stupid for a gazillion reasons yet we do it anyway) I also have that feeling where it's like: clearly nothing I do matters! and yet, for some reason, apparently every decision I make is life-defining! what the fuck! I have no power and all the power at the same time!

it's just tough. I've had a lot of friends go through pretty big changes lately; changes that to me, speak to an adulthood I don't have access to yet. some are getting married, others divorced, some are on their journeys to parenthood, or preparing for those journeys. and it's like... I feel like I'm frozen in time, untouched by the life markers of my age and peer group. hell, I'm barely coping with both of my younger siblings now having boyfriends they're comfortable telling me about/introducing to the family, but meanwhile I just experienced the first real crush of my life this year. I know "queer time" has been discussed more recently as a phenomenon but I was unprepared for experiencing it. I'm a million miles "behind" everyone in my life. and yet, I'm not even actually ready to be where they are. I want it and I don't. I want to reinvent myself so badly and yet I form attachments to where I am and who I am. I'm wishy washy because my decisions don't matter but they also do. it's just insane.

I'm really comfortable here, and I'm not ready to move yet, but I also refuse to make plans for my future concretely. I've never been the type to have a life plan, for better or worse. I just.... live, and I take life as it comes. but as I get older, I feel like ~I'm okay~ if I keep horse blinders on and only focus on myself and how I feel, but when I take the blinders off and look at the world around me, and the people I hold near and dear, suddenly I feel like I've been dumped into an olympic swimming pool and want to keep up with people who've been training their whole lives to swim.

by a lot of metrics I'm doing okay. I keep my wits about me when it comes to money. I've been very fortunate to travel a lot and to experience some of the world. I maintain good relationships with the people I've worked with. I have friends. I get by and live decently. and that should be enough, right? if I live well enough and enjoy my life day by day, that's what matters...?

but like you said, it's those sudden urges. that feeling of wanting to run away to something. I think it's being spoiled for choice. I don't really have ties to anyplace. I could go anywhere. I could do anything, in actuality. no one is reliant upon me. no one NEEDS me in any one place. I could move to freaking London if I wanted to. the world is my oyster, and I'm a little paralyzed by the true freedom of it. you can do anything. so what do you do?

the sensation isn't new to me, but it's been a while since I felt it. I've done too much crazy life development this last year, lol, I'm ready for a quieter season of life where I can sink into routine and make connections with interesting, kind people and reconnect with my passions (running, writing ... both of which I've been working on lately), but I feel so untethered and I think I'm chasing fantasy dreams (running away to the PNW) because I'm definitely the kind of person who, when plans go awry, sometimes feels the impulse to blow them up even further to pretend I'm in control of any part of the process.

which is to say: I feel you, good luck, and my DMs are always open if you wish to commiserate, haha.

#phew sorry for the diatribe

[saw2goth]

I wanna hear a yap, but i haven't read the book yet :(

How about some character headcannons then?

It doesn't have to be about A Christmas Carol! >0< Most of my content is AU content anyway lawl. Here are some headcanons but bear in mind they have little to nothing to do with the original book at this point:

Scrooge: Trans man! Felt this one in my soul <3 Autistic (he stims in the book, too), uses isolation as a coping mechanism because he was neglected as a child, takes comfort in being alone pre-redemption because it means he won't get hurt or experience loss anymore. I like to think he ended up the way he did because he wanted to regain some control over his life and he didn't feel like he owed the world anything after having his loved ones taken away. Post-redemption Scrooge ends up developing a fear of being alone because he doesn't want to lose the company he has after learning to appreciate it. Scrooge was given the ability to see chains on other people and ghosts, he spends a lot of his time trying to help these people better themselves/get rid of their chains in order to make the world around him a kinder place. He's still dating Marley even though he's a ghost but their relationship is much different now. Imagine your ex shows up after being dead for 7 years and wants you to continue like nothing has even changed.

Marley: Genderqueer (I'm not even sure he knows what's going on with that), also autistic. We don't learn much about him in the book aside from the fact that he was Scrooge's business partner so I just went crazy with it. Saved up lots of money in order to move his mother into a nice home and take care of her so she can have rest, she died before he has a chance to which is why he refuses to dip into his fortune (he doesnt believe he deserves the money or that it even truly belongs to him). He's very attached to Scrooge, Scrooge is all he has. This persists even in death and he hardly ever leaves his side. He's very protective of Scrooge in our redemption AU and is distrusting of anyone who he believes might be trying to come between them. A lot of his reasons for trying to keep Scrooge so close to him are selfish which is why they can't get rid of his chains just yet. He can just barely touch physical items but sometimes it takes him a while. He spent a lot of his afterlife watching over Scrooge instead of teaching himself how to interact with the world around him in his new form so it can be a struggle for him. Imagine Julian from ghosts type powers, he can move objects but it might take him 30 minutes.

Wolfe MacFarlane: Listen I know he's not a christmas carol character but he's part of the polycule now listen to me-

Some of these headcanons are ones that are specific to...the general Wolfe MacFarlane for the redemption AU and then others are just specific to my interp of him only.

Closeted gay man. Cis. Has scars on his chest from a workplace accident. Grew up in a well-off household, his father was also a surgeon and pretty much hammered this future into his son. He was constantly made to feel inferior and had to prove himself and his worth to his father. He gets so attached to Mr K as a student because he's the only older man in his life who ever offered him praise for doing a good job :/ and then it went to his head. He also did kill a guy. Was childhood friends with Scrooge, who tries to help him turn his life around when they're reunited in their adulthood (he has soo many chains it's a lot of work). Has a sort of rivalry going on with Marley because Marls doesn't trust him around Scrooge and Wolfe knows that and is secretly hurt that he doesn't believe he can change (this attitude further fuels his insecurities he has about being unfixable).

UMMMM. That's all I can think of right now but thanks for letting me info-dump about them <3

#eddie answers #tbs redemption au

[jedi-bird]

A story about my grandpa, because I'm bored and a bit lonely and my brain refuses to focus on what I'm supposed to be writing.

My grandpa grew up in Ohio, oddly enough only a few blocks over from where my grandma was born; they would meet until they were in their 20s because my grandma's mother moved them around a lot for...reasons. The church his family "attended" was at the end of their street and, like a lot of old churches, contained a cemetery.

Now, please note. Everything I'm about to write was told to me decades ago and in his own words, so I'm not sure how trustworthy a lot of it is.

My grandpa, for lack of other descriptors, was a little shit as a child. Or maybe demon spawn is a better phrase, depending on who you talked to. He and his friends were known for causing trouble, usually on purpose.

One of his favorite stories to tell me while growing up was about the time he and a friend took a bucket to the cemetery and filled it to the brim with garter snakes. He estimated they had at least a hundred by the time they were done. Why? Why not. Now, as a six year old, I hated this story. I was terrified of snakes and would cry just seeing pictures of one (I'm over that now and while I'm still not a huge fan, I do appreciate them and will even willingly look at videos without freaking out; but baby me was miserable). He told me this story as often as he could get away with it, because I think my fear brought him some kind of amusement. So, you might ask, what were they planning to do with all the snakes? That part was never revealed. In all honesty, I don't think they really had a plan other than catch snakes.

They did, however take said bucket full of snakes home. They did, in fact, get yelled at and told to "take those things back immediately!" They did, in fact, NOT take the snakes back. They instead, being little shits and demon spawn, dump them in the yard of the old lady who lived next door that they hated. She screamed bloody murder when she found out, because by the next morning they had overtaken her house. My grandpa thought this was the funniest thing ever and would laugh like crazy telling this story.

There is also a version of this same story involving a bucket full of tadpoles that wound up in the church rectory fountain and holy water vessel. Again, whether any of this is true is hard to say. But knowing my grandpa, if it was, it was likely it was his friends who did it and he just tagged along for bragging rights.

If anyone read this and liked it, let me know if you want more. I should probably get these down before my memory starts to slip more and encouragement might be the only way to do so.

#my writing #birdy's weird family #story time

[allycat75]

Sorry, this one is long. But the subject has given much to work with.

Proof People's Sexiest Man Alive 2023 really does hate himself, just from other quotes in the SMA article:

"I feel like I have a bit more freedom to take time away from the industry and still find projects that will satisfy my creative appetite when I return" I am sure based on the phoned in performance from Ghosted and on the reviews of Pain Hustlers, it sounds like you must be starving.

"My mom will be so happy," he says. "She's proud of everything I do but this is something she can really brag about". How she feelin' about that incel group also being proud of you?

Of Boston "We've got a lot of good schools. Let's give education a plug, that's damn sexy." I have read the few interviews your "beloved" has given and never before have I read so much and someone said so little. But hey, eyebrows are sexy, too. You can probably talk about that.

 "I love the idea of tradition and ceremony, I had a lot of that in my life so the idea of creating that, I can't think of anything better." So I guess some new traditions are never being seen with your one and only without it being breadcrumbed and/or trolled, surrounded by a bunch of people, staged and scripted, all while you look miserable. Oh, and also talking about how you like to be alone and your dog is your soulmate.

Values most in a partner is "vulnerability and humility." I am sure your acting teaching family is thrilled she feels she is such a great actress that she doesn't need classes or coaching.

"I don't like to argue, I don't like to raise my voice, or any forms of manipulation," Yep, I know the feeling Christopher.

"It's wise and mature to be able to say "I'm sorry I made a mistake,' to be vulnerable and not always be looking for the argument or take things to an argumentative place. That takes a lot of maturity and I find that very sexy." I am sure that was the exact thought process when your baby posted her shower pic to deflect from the criticism she was getting for her problematic behavior. And did we miss the "sorry"? But only if it is accompanied by behavior change. Otherwise, it is just one of those pesky manipulations none of us likes.

 "I love love". And that is why you feel comfortable taking a big dump on it with this disaster. If you are faking it, you have made love a joke, but if by chance it is real, you have shown yourself to be the absolute worst partner ever.

"The tough questions, you know what I mean? I [asked] a lot of tough questions as a kid," he explains. "'God made everything everything?' 'Is the color red to you the same as the color red to me?' I was a high strung kid and emotional so I'm anticipating those questions to be loaded with a lot of anxiety. And I think [as a parent] not only can you give a good answer to the specific question, but the tools to navigate tough questions like that." I'll just let the reader mull this one over, but I am curious to know the possible answer if asked "Dad, what do I do if I am forced to fake marry someone who represents the exact opposite of everything I have claimed to want in a partner? It will require me to use my family and friends in dumb schemes and stunts that will distract them from their daily lives and make thousands of innocent people look and feel crazy. It may even cause me to compromise my integrity and core beliefs by aligning me with those who represent the most base of our society."

But in all seriousness, there are some huge red flags here and this is unsustainable for a normal, happy life. Please study the lessons of this disaster, because the real tragedy of this mistake would be to just move on. Get help from professionals and seek to understand patterns that you keep falling into. I find the ABC method works well:

Good luck!

#Spoiled meatball #SMA 2023

[strozzaprete]

this year:

> 95% of my friends moved to different countries. the 3 ones remaining live an hour away from me

> i spent a year living with a man who would verbally harass me and emotionally manipulate me into staying at home with him 24/7 and also broke the kitchen table with his fists and headbutted me in the nose once

> i broke off the relationship but decided to give him one last chance because he "apologized truthfully" and literally begged me to get back together, just to have him come to my house and dump me a week later, his excuse being that i was too independent and wanted to live alone for a while before moving back together with him

> i found out 4 months later that in that week he actually cheated on me with his best friend because they're in a relationship now and he basically admitted to me that he cheated, because me saying that i wanted to get back together but that i wanted to take it slow meant that i "figured that we might as well just keep fucking"

> i moved back in with my mom and brother who immediately started bullying me, saying that i'm the reason the relationship ended, calling me crazy and retarded (as of today also a parasite), because 1) i asked my mom to stop interrupting me in the middle of every sentence and 2) i asked my brother to not step on a sticky stain on the floor with his shoes on

> EDIT: the sticky shoes situation lead to my brother verbally abusing me, pushing me, slapping me, locking me out of our room at night, locking the front door so i can't leave the house, leaving his piss and shit in the toilet for me to find every morning, and one episode in which he slammed the bathroom door open while i was in there crying and yelling at him to stop yelling insults at me (i tried putting a key a while ago but my mom keeps taking it and hiding it), as i was trying to push him out of the bathroom he smiled and said "you're not stronger than me", and pushed me back so hard i hit the wall and almost fell on the floor

> EDIT (forgot to mention): i told my mom that it was very traumatic for me as a 12 year old to be dragged by my hair on the balcony so she could beat me in front of everyone and she told me "it never happened" and "if it happened i don't remember"

> i tried therapy again but erroneously went to a psychotherapist instead of a psychologist and after i told her all of this she literally told me that she wanted to put me on meds on our first and only session "to fix" my "propensity for crying"

> i got hired at the same job i had last year but with less than half of the workload thus less than half of the pay

> lost 15 kg in 4 months and like 50% of my hair

but according to my mom it's my fault because i have a DARK AURA :)

[rjmhereunderprotest]

How to Fuck Up a Good Thing, Mordecai-Style!

This is bothering me cause I saw it online a lot, so I'm writing it down here to make it clear. I have NEVER in my life seen a character botch something so perfect for himself than Mordecai fucking up his relationship with CJ. NEVER! Not even Mako and Korra, they stayed friends! They were both failing each other in that. THIS was all on Mordecai... because he's a fucking idiot!

Let me break this down for you thusly, Mordecai has been mad simping Margaret for years, he's never made a move, he eventually does but she's moving away and it's over already. He eventually gets back in the game with Cloud Girl CJ, who he previous met and hit it off with well until her anger management problems made things literally too stormy to weather at the time. But now, she's getting those under control and the two connect really well.

Seriously, it was nice. CJ wasn't some idealized pedestal placed dream girl. She was real, she and Mordecai shared a lot in common. She got along well with his friends and co-workers. She put herself in many of the crazy situations with them all and was cool with it. They clicked! But the problem was always fucking Mordecai.

The dumb fucking Blue Jay just couldn't drop his fucking obsession with a girl who had left him. He kept hemming and hawing over whether or not he should still make moves with Margaret, which worsened when she moved back. She's cool with CJ, despite Mordecai worrying she wouldn't be. No, no, the problem is him, cause despite everything going so fucking well with CJ, not perfect mind you but no relationship is perfect, he keeps finding ways to jeopardize things.

But he can salvage it, he can be a good boyfriend if he tries. He makes an effort, he really does. And then... he fucks it all up in the worst possible way.

It's his friend Muscle Man's wedding day, and he's gotta make a speech about love, Muscle Man wants him to, I have no idea why. Maybe he thought it would be funny. Mordecai is having problems though cause he's still, STILL, struggling with whether or not he really loves CJ or Margaret. Despite the fact he's been with CJ for a good while and they have very clearly worked just fine. Even Rigby, usually the dumb one, his best friend, keeps telling him to get with the program and fucking just reassure CJ he loves HER. Admitting he's dating Aileen now! So if he can fucking seal the deal with a girl, what the fuck is Mordecai's problem?

I'll tell you what his problem is, he's an asshole! Constantly avoiding CJ all day, refusing to face or talk to her, running away at the first chance he gets, isolating her further and making her feel unwanted. And then, to cap it all off... he makes his speech:

What. The. FUCK.

First of all, WHY in the holy HELL would you do this as your speech in front of everyone and almost fucking ruin your friend's wedding!? This is Muscle Man's day, not yours. Do not fucking make it about your fucking self!

Why would you decide to do this now of all times? When you're giving a speech and everything? Just shut the fuck up, step off stage, don't make this a spectacle!

Worst of all though, if you pay attention to the speech and consider the context, Mordecai probably was not going to dump CJ. He was likely going to try and explain himself and fix things. The problem is he says it in such a fucking bullshit wishy washy way it reads like a Dear John letter, or worse, like some shitty acceptance that he's just settling for CJ cause he can't have Margaret! Of all the things to say, you do not declare you don't know who your soulmate is in front of girlfriend, you just don't! If you sound that uncertain about who you want to spend your life with, then you shouldn't be surprised when they're upset about it.

Mordecai in this moment forever fucked up any future he had with CJ for no good reason just because he couldn't get over a fucking crush he hasn't thought about in months! And when he tried to fix it, he did it in the absolute worst fucking way that humiliated CJ in front of everyone!

This was what made me drop the show. You do not spend a whole season building up the relationship between these two and then throw it out the fucking window like this! I hated Mordecai after this, I felt he was a complete fucking moron who I could never relate to. The idea that he can't accept happiness with someone he likes because he has this obsession he can't quit is nauseating to me. Don't blame Margaret, this is all on fucking him! The dumbass should've shut his beak.

There are ships I get invested in that get sunk. But rarely do I walk away hating a character for it after the fact. Mordecai is an example of everything not to do in any relationship at any stage. CJ deserved better, I don't know if she ever got better, but I know she does. Fuck you, Mordecai, you're a fucking idiot!

#Regular Show #Mordecai #CJ #Shipping #You Blew it #If you want more of my disaster shipping thoughts just let me know

[polyamorouspunk]

So light advice thing for sleepover friday ig, but I'm polyam and in a relationship with my life partner [also polyam]. Me and my life partner have different needs and it's one of those things where I'm going stir crazy over it and they feel bad\uncomfortable about it even if it's okay our needs don't match up.

But every time I go out and try and meet other folks to date I feel like I only meet folks who willingly ignore certain parts about me [like i could be Trans or in a relationship or willing to date more than 1 person in an existing polycule but not all three at once] OR I meet the absolute most Bizarre Folks who go from like "haha happy nice flirting" to like "and then in gonna beat you up because I like beating people up :)" with no context or warning [actual example] and I feel like I'm going nuts trying to find relationships, I feel like just giving up, but should I? Are there ways around this? I've only really dated my life partner even though I'm 'prime dating age' [early 20s] so is this like a me problem??? Do I just need to learn how to date folks???

That is never a you problem.

If you don’t like people you shouldn’t be dating them. I’ve had a few people I met on a dating app that have been interested in me and I feel guilty for not going out with them but I don’t like them and quite frankly most of the time I don’t even like talking to them but I’m so lonely I’m literally settling.

Last guy I dated was great, said I was a bit much sometimes which hurt but really seemed like he would have accepted me being everything I am just you know he moved away to get his kid and get his divorce and started dating someone else there who he broke up with because she didn’t want him to keep his kid and I ended things with him because I’m also not looking to date someone with a kid and can’t have a FP be polyam and dating someone other than me because of bpd issues, which he was also working on understanding for me.

Like shit just doesn’t work out sometimes. I also had a life partner but like you know they dumped me and then decided they never wanted to speak to me ever again. I certainly feel like I should just give up on the dating front but like I don’t even have any friends so it’s not even like “well at least I have my ldr partner who loves me” it’s like “the only people that care about me hardly talk to me which is fine because they have mental illnesses that keep them from being sociable but they’re reliable” and like. That’s it. I have one coworker who I’m sort of friends with. The rest aren’t huge fans of me it feels like. I try and work in the back so I don’t have to feel like everyone hates me. Yeah mostly it’s just sometimes we all have bad days and we get snappy at each other and that 100% includes me but I’m desperately trying to get back into college to try and make friends and it’s been so up and down I thought today was the last day that I was going to be able to get in but I guess it’s the last day for sign ups and now it’s registration and those are two different things and ugh I’m like so close to crying right now and my point is NO we can’t give up. We can’t give up trying because you never know if, say, the love of your life decides you’re too much and doesn’t ever want anything to do with you ever again and then we’re left with nothing. We need backups. We need to keep going. We need things to live for even if it’s hard to find them. Because if we don’t have them we have nothing and there’s no point in staying alive.

#punk gets mail

[stayarmytinyzenmoa-l]

hey crys!! i got the idea from my new friend and moot, @/trashlord-007 to ask you, what are your favorite works on your account? i don’t mind whatever fandom or anything, i just want to get around to reading your writing and asking you for recommendations seems like a good start. of course i want to read everything one day ^_^

Ooo good question! And ahhhh I've read a couple of works from them before and I think I even reblogged one here way back when, one of the Kun fics I'm sure haha but yeah! I'm happy to share! Of course, obviously I love all my fics but if we're talking favorites then...

Zemblanity [WayV x Reader, Space/Prison AU, Yandere(?) it's more of a Thriller] - Honestly, the girls who were here were here and the ones who weren't weren't. When I first dropped this series this blog surged like crazy. I never had so many anon asks every day! It's currently going through some heavy rewrites, but the original is still up on my archive of our own account (I knew it was popular because I had like two or three people straight up plagiarize it on wattpad LMAOOOOO)

Prominence [NCT x Reader, Park Seonghwa x Reader, Idol AU, Social Media AU] - This one should really go without saying considering it's my longest series to date! But it's also significantly different compared to a lot of the series on this list. I promise! It's a romantic comedy!

Covalence [Qian Kun x Reader, University AU] - Ooh this was the last big fic on my first blog before I moved here. Nearly 20K of me trauma dumping into a fic asking the big question "What if?" seriously though, it's one of my all time favorites! I can't say much more without spoiling though but if you have free time, make a coffee and read through it!

Infatuation [Jaemin/Jungwoo/Sungchan/Johnny x Reader (not all of them lmao), University AU, Yandere] - HOOOO boy everyone's waiting for Johnny's ending and if I'm being honest it's done but it's way too fucking long AHAHAHA but basically the premise is that you're being stalked and you don't know who but yeah! I know you're a yandere person so if you have time check it out! I think Jaemin's is the most popular but I'd have to check.

Lavenza [Lee Taeyong x Reader, Scientist AU, Yandere(?)] - Kind of one of my least popular fics, but I genuinely had a lot of fun writing it (so I may be a little disappointed lmao fsdhfkh) but if you're into suspense mixed with sci-fi give it a go!

Without a Trace [ATEEZ x Reader, Vigilante AU] - Another kind of unpopular one but that's most likely because I mainly write for NCT LMAOOOO but I really like the tone of this one! Plus, YN's a badass in it too.

Black Magic [NCT 127 x Witch!Reader, Magic AU] - Man it's actually kinda interesting because Black Magic isn't all too popular here on Tumblr but my readers on AO3 eat this concept up. So like??? If you like magic, read this one! I put a lot of time into the world building of it and I'm currently working on it's sequel Midnight Illusion.

And, ofc, honorable mentions:

How to Keep a Promise

Midnight Coffee

Fate's Gamble

Happy reading, love! And don't worry about it if they're not to your taste either, obviously, everyone has their preferred genres! Much love from me as always <3

#asks #yumi 🌻

[samscrying]

I owe an apology, not to anyone but myself.

For months I let myself be brutally hurt by a man who did nothing for me, I made it my fault and never let myself realise that I am not the only human with faults.

It's so incredibly hard to realise that someone you idolized from the second you met them is the very thing that is destroying you.

The day I met you was a day that changed my life in a way no one could have ever predicted. In the true fashion of a teenage romance, we met through a simple snapchat, you asking me if I liked ur Santa hey in the middle of August, this hat later came into my possession. You lived far from me, but it wasn't impossible, my family lived in the same city as you, visitation was very possible.

Saying I love you was second nature, everything was so wonderful, I was some incapacitated by your charm, you made me feel like someone finally understood me. Soon we finally met, we didn't do much, a lot of sex honesty, I met some of your friends, and even though it wasn't much, it was amazing. Soon after the problems began. You didn't tell me things, I didn't know where you were, I didn't know if you were safe, I'd go hours without hearing from you without knowing why, your friends began to hate me for no reason, of course I later found out this was because you were telling them bad things about me, leaving out all the good, making me a monster to some of the most important and influential people in your life.

You cried for me one night, one January night, I was mad at you over something, and you sat outside your friends house and cried on the phone to me, begging me to stay. I don't even remember what the fight was about, but in that moment you cared about me, and of course I stayed.

You knew that I'm bipolar, and you often demonized me for it. You would become accusing of me during manic periods, saying I was going to cheat or dump you. When depressed, you treated me like a chore, you didn't want to deal with me and my intense emotions that you always knew I had. No matter how many times I tried to explain my situation to you I don't think you ever fully understood.

You were a liar. You were a fucking liar. You lied to me possibly every day, you lied to me one night in particular, telling me you were out with your brother and your friend late into the night, you didn't answer your phone for hours. That night was hard for me, I had a lot on my mind and you weren't there for me. When you finially called me back you sounded perfect, so in love, ready to help me. I later found out that that night you cheated on me. You so easily covers yourself up, and when I confronted you, I was so blind with the potential of what you could be that I didn't even hesitate to stay with you. I should have left right then.

I soon found out I was going to move to your city with my mother, we were so over joyed to finially be able to be together whenever we wanted, so overjoyed that you couldn't take it and broke up with me. I was fucking dystroyed. My whole world collapsed on me, without you I knew nothing, just short of a year of being with you and now I knew nothing. I didn't know who I was without you, I didn't know what it meant to be independent or alone, but it was okay because I didn't have to find out, in your usual indesisive nature, you called me a week later saying how stupid you were, how much you loved me. I don't think I had ever received such a beautiful phone call. Our redemption arc, it wasn't over, you were still mine, everything was going to be okay. You made the resin for you leaving my fault, you said I was too clingy, I was obsessive and crazy, when in reality I was just curious and desired to be in your life. Nonetheless, I believed you and promised I would change.

Soon I moved, I saw you all the time, it was just like when we first got together, gorgeous, beautiful, raw love. You'd recently switched schools, which meant you had new friends, this was a huge relief for me as your old friends had hated me, for reasons I still didn't know why at the time. But little did I know you were telling these friends the same bad things about me. I used to never understand why you did that, but now I know it was so that someone would be on your side, so you would have people that would support you if you decided to leave me, people who would agree if you called me crazy, people who thought I was the problem.

In the same fashion as always, we were quick to get back to our regular routine, see eachother and be happy and in love, be separated and have a problem start again, fight and cry, see eachother and fix it, just for it to start again two days after. You told people I was crazy, and guenuinly I believe you drove me a little crazy. It was always the same handful of issues, you always promised to change it, I'd always believe you, and you never would. The hardest part of all of it was I always always always knew you fully well could change, but in the end I just wasn't the person that you wanted to change for, I wonder if you ever will change for someone.

One February day, nearly a year and half in, you came over, and for some reason I had this bad feeling, that night you held me in your arms as I cried, I expressed my worries that you might leave me, you comforted me, told me how much you loved me, how you would never leave me. And as in your usual fashion, you fucking lied again. Two days later, you texted me and short, five lined text saying you didn't love me. It was over. And of course at this time you were with all of your friends, the friends that hated me and often egged you on to get you to leave me, I guess they finally got to you.

I can still vividly remember the absolute dread that filled my body. I couldn't move, I took a few minutes to fully register it, and then I guenuinly screamed. You made me scream and cry and hit my head repeatedly, I riped out my hair and choked on my own sobs, I cried untill my tear ducts were dry. You refused to call me. You refused to explain. You didn't want me. It was over. That moment made me suicidal for the first time in a long time, I auctually contemplated leaving everything behind because I couldn't imagine living without you. And once again I was empty, alone, no clue who I was. And as per fucking always you texted me shortly after asking for me back. But this time I didn't give in.

I came to learn you, after our break up you spent a few weeks toying with my feelings, changing between wanting me and hating me. I started to realise you didn't like it when I stood up for myself, I never had before and I finally began to. I saw what you were doing. You needed the control of me. You liked knowing I was so helplessly under you spell, you kept hurting me because I never fucking did anything about it, but you breaking up with me made me finially change that.

You nearly broke me completely, and I'm proud to say I don't love you any more. You hurt me more then anyone or anything ever has, you pushed me to my limit every day and I stayed because I was so convinced that you were the only one who would ever love me. I thought this because that was the narritive you pushed into my head, you told me I was a bad person, you made up story's that I was awful and I believed them even though I was there, and never witnessed it. You were witholding of love, and then would suddenly treat me like the most important thing in the world. I'd be lying to say I wouldn't do it again. I would experience that beautiful torture of love again if I went back in time, but I wouldn't want it forever. I thank you for teaching me to love myself first, to not put another person before myself, especially not for a person that treats me how you did. You showed me exactly the type of boy to stay away from.

When we broke up you said you are convinced that twenty years from now we will meet up and it will be amazing and it will work out. But I pray that dosent happen. I hope our paths never ever cross again, because I am done with you. I have heald from you, but you will always have scars on my heart. If I met you twenty years from now, I wouldnt give you another chance, because you already used them, I didn't give you one or two chances, I gave you millions and you never improved. I will never forget the way I cried over you nearly every night and more importantly I will never forget the way you let me cry, you were never ever fucking there when I needed you.

I am a new person now. I live in a new home that dosent have memories of you in it. I go out almost every day now, instead of being couped up in my room crying over you. I dress how I want, instead of thinking of how you would be mad at me for dressing how I do. I'm dating an amazing boy who treats me right, he takes me on dates, which you never did, he cares about me in the sweetest way, he's healing a heart that he's didn't break, and he is showing me how I should have always been treated. I'm happy. I'm happy without you. I never thought that was possible, but now I could never imagine my life with you still in it. You held me back, thank you for freeing me, I know without your push I would have stayed under your spell for a very long time. Thank you for throwing me away, because you threw me into the start of a beautiful life.

I am so sorry that I allowed myself to be treated like that, I promise I will never be so blind again.

[dear3st-dead-diary]

Dear dead diary

It's been 7 days since I went on a 5 or 6 (?) Day cocaine and MDMA bender. I threw out the rest of my drugs after going through 3 days of psychosis from quiting cold turkey.

I have 24 hours to pack a week's worth of makeup, clothes, jewelry and drag options and so far, I've only packed the wig.

I'm glad I quit but Gods do I miss it, I swear when I was dumping it into the trash I heard the tray calling my name and that really fucked me up, like I heard it speaking to me in my ear, not in my head, like the tray had a voice of its own. I don't like the drugs but the drugs like me I fucking guess?!?!???

My 25th birthday is comming up, in 11 days to be exact. I stopped celebrating it after... my suey attempt five years ago when my dad kicked me out for being on drugs and queer.

I did it in my boyfriends house at the time and after the doctors successfully resuscitated me I was in a 2 day coma. He wrote me a love letter that I layer burned because after my discharge from the hospital on my 20th birthday he not only dumped me but kicked me out. And after a week of looking for places to live I had to regrettably move back in with my dad.

Funny how five years later the tables have tunred. My dad's been the one kicked out and I'm still monkey-bar-ing from substance to substance.

Nothing good happens to my friends or family this time of year abd I feel selfish for not realizing sooner that my birthday was the talisman of thier holiday marker where atleast one good thing could happen. Abd I've cut them all off from that. I'm sorry.

I should really just endure it and let them all do something, even though it still hurts.

In about t days It'll be 7 years since my cousin/step-sister was Murdered. I hear her.. Especially when I'm about to drink or intoxicated myself. I know it hurts her. But..

I don't know, I like the fun I have. After my 2 year break of Sobriety, I've made it clear to everyone that I'd rather slit my own throat than live the rest of my life completely sober.

I was miserable for those 2 years. The cravings were driving me insane.

I only went on a coke bender because this guy hooked up with me when I was too drunk to concent.

I wanted to fuck him, all he had to do was ask but instead he waited till I was 2 cases deep and couldn't speak.

I don't know what to tell my boyfriend. What's worse? That I went on a cocaine bender or that some guy who I thought was my close friend assaulted me at a party.

I've chosen to just keep the peace for everyone's sake and keep my mouth shut. Only my roomates know. But no one knows who did it. Except me. And I hope he...

I hope he finds help to... not he like this. To pull ahit like this on people. I don't know if I even wish him harm because I already had feeling for him before the incident. It just sucks. But as I've said. Keep the peace...

Even though it drove me crazy and gave me psychosis for a few days...

So, I get to see my boyfriend for valentines day which is nice. I just hope on the long ass travel I manage to stay sane and calm. I hate long trips.

Why do I keep dating people that live across the country? I don't know.

I guess it gives me an escape.

So dear Dead Diary, wish me the best of luck 💋

~A