#I don’t want to be a teacher anymore

[hairenya]

I do think it’s really funny that I’ve tried quitting to 3 people at this point, all of whom have insisted I finish out this year, even after I repeatedly swore at the last AP I tried to quit to today, and literally no one will fire me or let me quit like damn y’all

#I don’t want to be a teacher anymore #I’m off tomorrow as a mental health day #I’m deadass just trying to get fired at this point and it has not been working out #so I’ve basically just decided that I’m henceforth going to do and say whatever tf I want #because they either fire me and I never have to see another bastard child again (win) #or I find out that I can actually in fact do whatever pleases me #which would also be a win #jlktalks. #YoU sIgNeD a 1 YeAr CoNtRaCt DoN’t YoU wAnT tO hOnOr ThAt CoMmItMeNt #bitch no #also like I love how principals will say that you shouldn’t work at a school if you hate kids #and that summers aren’t a good reason to teach and that this isn’t the job to sit down on #but then when you try to actually fucking quit they won’t let you?? #like sis I am trying to take your advice #I don’t even need a job lmao my dad pays my bills #or whenever you complain about something they say it’s part of the job #yeah which is why I don’t want to do this job anymore please just let me leave? #why is it so hard to get fired? #watch my dumbass still sign on next year too tho #adventures in teaching #am I secretly in prison?

[batwynn]

I have the urge to write again.

The editor doubter is loud in my ear.

A heavy touch ripping away commas, words, and thoughts.

It’s been years of her

snapping up my words.

She wants stand up straight

and spell it correctly.

No made up words.

No sentences that start with. And

I was slow to learn.

Letters and numbers mixed up and bumbling over ahead several words ahead.

I was told I couldn’t write.

Don’t even try.

Don’t do it that way.

Do not do it this way.

He said, she shouts, they whisper.

Be more creative, more descriptive.

Write what you know.

I know I moved on, I let the editor doubter go.

Looked past the carefully chosen words from the thesaurus to describe:

Stupid.

Foolish.

And there she is again.

10th grade English class, standing taller than me. Dark hair. Angry. Telling me to stop,

telling me I’m doing it wrong—

so don’t do it at all.

I want to write again.

The urge is biting at my fingers faster than she can erase my words.

i dont care if it’s bad

I want to write again.

#writing #poetry #personal #uh I don’t know how to tag for teacher related trauma hah #tw: abuse #I guess just in case #I went through a lot of abuse in school #from day one #so yeah I’m a little fucked up about it #more so because I got past it and wrote and loved it so much #and then I suddenly couldn’t write anymore for years now #and the doubt and shit is so much harder this time #because for a moment #I had it #I had won against their BULLSHIT #I was SO happy #I loved writing so much #and I don’t know where it went #but the urge is there #the want is there #I want to write again #shit wait #tw: ableism #tw: abislistic slur #even when they tried to say it ‘nicely’

[prisonpodcast]

.

#I’m doing shit in bio and nearly the entire class is failing #<- my grade rn is 70% which is passing but ifl it’s gonna keep going down #apparently it’s just bio chem that’s hard ?? idk I was hoping the lab would bring up my grade but I ended up getting 68% on it #and it dropped my grade #I mean I hope the other units are easier #I’m just really stressed about it #I like the teacher he’s really nice but idk if it’s his problem or our problem that everyone’s doing bad bc it’s not just me #I don’t even want to go to the uni which needed bio as a prerequisite anymore #but I can’t drop it bc I need another credit #and it’s too late to switch classes #:( #I’m worried my grade will affect my entrance scholarship bc I need to keep my average above a certain number #also there is no hot water in my building so I have to take cold showers until they fix it #and that’s really pissing me off #okay that’s all for my venting

[jikigo]

you ever just see a post and just

. 😭

.⬅️🫀⬅️

#Worst emoji combo ever but it’s gon be such big depression hours down here so scroll if you want im on the brink of throwing up #don’t you just bloody love it how over the past 3 years you’ve only seen people the large total of…. 4 times!!! An average of seeing someon #outside of school 1.3 times per year!! What a bloody fantastic way to spend your teenage years! #Don’t you also just love it when people talk right to you about how they all went out together over the weekend and like did some stupid #shit like your average high schooler would do and you’re just like “oh. I went to my 1 and a half hour long dance class and got ignored the #entire time and when you did try to talk they just spoke over you” oh my fucking god I hate that place so much even the teacher fucking #ignores me once we were going in a circle and she was asking everyone what they got for Christmas and I was in the middle of the circle so #thought hey maybe someone will actually acknowledge my existence but she fucking ignored me and went to next person like why the fuck #And now I’m debating staying in that shithole bc I was invited to a gc for that class and I stupidly thought that someone might want me #There. I wasn’t even invited I secretly scanned the qr code to join over someone else’s shoulder #everyone else there is the best of bloody friends and I’m just there talking to one friend who I don’t even think is my friend #“Hey man I’m really fucking sad rn can I talk to you” “womp womp have you heard stupid fact no.3848594 about my ocs while I ignore you when #you talk about anything else about me” oh my god shut up literally no one else sane would see someone like that their closest friend rn #At least someone wants to talk to me #Like what is it that makes people not want to see my please just tell me I’ll change I’m amazing at changing my personality to fit others #promise me on that I’ve done it my entire life #Even just messaging me more than once every year and I’d consider you my best friend this is how bad I’m getting #What is so bloody bad about me that no one else likes I don’t care how badly you fucking word it just something #It shouldn’t be normal to wish death on people you call your mates bc you heard about them all going out together without you #Oh dear did the gc’s without me in it there’s one for every friend group I’ve ever been in why isn’t there one for the main group I’m in rn #Idfc anymore just tell me what I’m doing wrong I keep asking people if they want to go out or how far away they live from some place #And it’s always met with ignoring me talking over me or immediately changing the subject #Please if you’re someone I know irl what the fuck am I doing fucking wrong I can’t fucking do this anymore be as mean as you like #Why the fuck does no one ever want to be around me why do I hear so much about stuff others are doing together but never me #It shouldn’t be normal to prefer being in a toxic relationship than what I’m in rn #I fucking hate everything

[obitohno]

(quite possibly) going to change my username when i come back from my hiatus >.<

#♡ jordy is thinking ♡ #this (semi) hiatus was unintended #mini story: #there’s been a lot of stress these past couple of weeks #an incident happened at home n the police were/are involved #we’ve had a lot of measures put into place to maintain our safety #but the last few weeks have had me paranoid n my anxiety has been up n down a lot #i had wanted to come back to tumblr much sooner but i feel like i’m all over the place rn #it doesn’t help that i’ve also had a lot of stress at work too #(bc our class teacher is making our work life hell) #n i just haven’t had the chance to catch a break #on the plus side #i’ve been going to the gym regularly #n i’m finally starting to see some changes #(n may have accidentally developed a crush on one of the guys who work there) #hhh #anyways #i think a new name is needed bc i don’t particularly feel anything towards this one anymore so i’ll try to think of something cute #i hope things will settle soon n i hope to be back to writing/posting at some point in the near future #missing everyone n i hope you’re all safe n doing well #<3

[whump-it-like-its-hot]

Me when I haven’t even started my finals yet and already get bombarded by people telling me I’m basically jobless and broke already and only gonna live on social benefits if I don’t start collecting job offers RIGHT THIS MOMENT like. brother I’m so burnt out, the old pans in the kitchen cabinet got nothing on me and if I have to face one more thing connected to graphic design when I’m done with this, I’m going to spontaneously combust

#vent tw #I’m so fucking tired man #I wanted to retake the year okay. I talked to my teachers and everything #everyone has been fucking telling me not to #and in the end I kept going because honestly. the only thing I could handle less than those finals right now #is to live at home for another year #I don’t Even Care about how I get through this anymore I just wanna be done with it #which is such a fucking shame because I was having an amazing time at this school until my health went to shit

[vydumaj]

sometimes I feel like I went to elementary school in like the 1970s in comparison to my 10 years ish younger cousins 😹

since I didn’t eat pork I very often got special food since pork was the most common meat they’d serve at school, which meant I always got my food last and I couldn’t ask for the school kitchen staff to give me less (they hardly ever did that when people asked to, though). the most common replacement was soy sausages which are absolutely gross imo and I still can’t eat them, and bc I got my food last teachers kept a hawk eye on me to make sure I finished, and I was never allowed to leave before finishing, no matter how bad the food tasted and even though I ate a lot of it…I was called immature and childish and spoiled for not wanting to eat, and while my classmates finished their food (which they got earlier and I assume was better tasting since the recipes were adapted for pork) and played outside I always had to sit with teachers watching over me until the older students came…

apparently this is not a thing at all anymore, like 10-15 years later, my aunts and uncles were shocked I had to go through what they did as kids too when I’m closer in age to their children

#I have way more stories like this lol #like I was also called childish and immature for being afraid of water and thus being a bad swimmer #and not wanting to jump in the pool (I’ve never jumped off a trampoline taller than 1m idk why it just…i just can’t) #I vividly remember being eight years old and crying bc I was afraid to jump in #and a teacher goes ‘don’t be childish. my little three year old daughter plays in the water like a water animal it’s nothing to be scared of #‘ #thanks #judging from my cousins’ schooling that does not happen anymore either here thank god #t says #rant #I guess? #using my mom as a reference too bc she grew up in the 1970s and our stories about being force fed and guilt tripped and called childish #over these kind of things are really similar #schools are sooo much better with adapting to different diets like no pork vegetarian vegan gluten free etc than when I was a kid though #it’s such a relief #the improvement started when I was in like middle school though #like 12-13

[d0g-b0n3z]

Grade is a 79.20 went down like 6 and I got a 6 on the test she’s a bitch

#it’s my fault but I don’t care anymore #if my teacher wants to kick me out of honors I’m gonna start crying alligator tears

[spinobsessed]

I want so desperately to be with my friends again but whenever I get the rare opportunity to meet up with them, it just leaves me more hurt than before

#I’m so lonely #I miss them so much #like I can’t even get them heartfelt gifts anymore #they’ve become so one dimensional to me since idk much abt them anymore #The last time I truly knew them was 2022 in June #since then I haven’t been able to REALLY know them #I remember being jealous of one of them bc I thought they’d take my other friend away from me since they go to the same school but I dont #I wouldn’t want anyone else to be my friend(s) but I just can’t be theirs as much anymore #We’re all so busy and most of my teachers don’t allow us to just have our pcs out whenever we please so I can’t message them #autism #actually autistic

[stunfiskz]

#txt #erm….. tonight is not good today was not good. #got even more confirmation that my friends hate me so that’s nice. #the only one i think still doesn’t hate me had no problem texting in the group chat i’m not fucking in with everyone but me while i was #right there. and telling me about it. so. #and i now know at least one of them hates me and thinks i hate them. but i don’t and i feel so bad because i know i’m horrible at talking. #i know. i know i’m a horrible person to try to talk to because i’m selfish and annoying and say the wrong things and i know. i didn’t mean #to make them feel uncomfortable but i can’t just be a fucking normal person #i really can’t stand this anymore i really can’t #i’d rather them all just stop talking to me and for me to be solidly alone instead of this horrible fucking standstill #i know. i know i’m a horrible person. i know they don’t love me and i know i don’t deserve for them to love me so why are they pretending #like they still do. #im just so tired of this i’m so tired of having to exist in this stupid fucking world where i know i’m awful and can’t do anything right an #don’t deserve to be able to. #and i feel so bad because the girl i’ve been helping in one of my classes is going to fail. and i feel like if i could just be better or h #have started helping her earlier or stood up for her to the teacher she wouldn’t. but instead i have to be horrible at comforting people #and have to try to comfort her while she’s sobbing because her parents aren’t going to let her drive #and i just feel so awful #im so awful my school is so awful i don’t want to fucking be here. #i cannot wait for the year to be over at least i can be alone in my room and not have to annoy anyone or hurt anyone #well i still probably will because that’s just how i fuckign am but. hopefully less . #anyways gonna rewatch some more glee i guess

[beginnerblueglass]

I just don’t want to think about this essay anymore 😑

#I’m done #I sent a draft to my teacher (because he is always encouraging me to send rough drafts for feedback) #and his response was….. weird #so now I feel weird #and I don’t even want to submit it #but I have to #I need a title #all my titles have sucked #I don’t think it’s very cohesive #I just don’t want to do it anymore

[icterid-rubus]

My family went to florida and I’ve been dog and house sitting and hosting my brother for two weeks and taking my cat to the vet and finally my brother is gone and the cat is okay* and I have 24 hours until my doctor appointment and 48 until the family is back and I’m chugging beers sitting back trying to fit two weeks of relaxation into one evening and it’s not working but I’m tipsy and throwing my head back and wanting to make bad choices yeeeaaaaaah boooooooiiiii!!!!

#this was my chance to relax then my brother decided to come #which is fine but basically it means he works in the house and then I make him dinner or we go out to eat rinse and repeat for 14 days #he also Has To Eat Three Squates A Day or gets hangry and I’m more of a…one meal a day person #i feel so bloated and crappy so the beer isn’t sitting well but I want to relax and I don’t really drink anymore so #not excited for the dr tomorrow but whatever #*cat is as good as she can be. I’m coming to terms with the fact that she will not ever get better. she’s old and it might be cancer but #anything we do is just treating symptoms #she has a depressed immune system and is getting monthly chronic utis. i need ti be Frank with her quality of life #this is so much harder to confront than her amputation. i Leah’s thought she would just…get old and slow down gracefully #but she feels young. and in between the uti pain she seems normal. but so much of her life now is sleeping and crying in pain #she also has sores on her feet. vets not sure why but thinks it’s immune system related #aaaaa. i want to call my science teacher and talk to him #he gave me Chloe sophomore year but I think I’ll cry #oof I want to talk to anyone really but I don’t have those type of relationships. so I shall talk in tags and drink beer.

[daenerys-targaryen]

tried opening up to my mom about feeling behind in life and she said maybe I should plan on this being my last year living with her 🥴

#leah rambles #no offense but I think me living by myself could be the worst for my mental health #because then I’ll REALLY be alone #and I LOVE my alone time but it’s also… recently it’s not been good #she also suggested seeing a counselor which I have been thinking about #because ever since I was 8 years old it’s felt like the entire world is crushing me #and I really do feel like I’m so behind and that I’m just getting more and more insane with each passing day #and not in the Harley Quinn I’m So EdGy way just like…. #just… the overwhelming sense of greif and anguish I feel for no fucking reason at all times #it’s suffocating and it’s like?? for what??? for WHAT!!! #the loneliness and the amount of pressure I put on myself #and constantly wanting to… just be someone else lol #uuuuugh ok anyways #i haven’t been taking my meds like I should have and losing weight/ sleeping so much should have been an indicator that Things Aren’t Well #fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here #anyways FUCK this is me trying cause it hits too close #I’m just overwhelmed and stressed and don’t want to do this anymore lol #like my best friend is living with her bf and my other friend is pregnant and my other friend is a full blown teacher and I’m: 🧍🏼‍♀️ #i know life isn’t a race but god!!! it really feels like it is!! #personal #oomf

[theamazingannie]

Saw someone on Twitter complaining that tv shows and books and such made during modern times often don’t depict anything having to do with the pandemic and how it’s some big conspiracy about pandemic denial and I can understand why someone would think that considering all the denial irl but personally I don’t want to depict Covid in my work because the pandemic completely affected so many aspects of our lives and by depicting it in my work I’d have to completely change so many parts of my stories because there’s no way the events would go as planned if there was a pandemic happening and I’ve been writing these stories for YEARS, since before the pandemic, and I don’t want to change anything and even if the work was new, how do you incorporate this huge life event into your story without it taking away all the focus?

#writing #like I get that not writing about Covid is like writing a 1930s show without the Great Depression #but even with that I feel like it’s hard to create a story in the 1930s without it being ABOUT the Great Depression #and back then there were significantly less people making art so it affected less people #with our heavily saturated entertainment forms everywhere we looked there would be Covid #any character that’s political would HAVE to talk about the pandemic #any character that’s disabled would HAVE to take precautions to avoid illness #any character that’s a doctor would HAVE to constantly have patients with Covid and talk about Covid #it would take too much focus away from the real story #and if you wanted to write something taking place in 2020 then they’d HAVE to stay indoors if they’re not an inherently selfish character #if you have characters who are teachers they HAVE to do online learning and not actually be in the classroom #there goes your school centered drama #can’t have Abby have an affair with a teacher when they’re never in the same room #can’t have Bridget and Jessica gossiping about Linda sleeping with brad if they never meet face to face #you can have superstore have their essential worker storyline cuz it makes sense #or have your first responders mask up when out on the job cuz it doesn’t take away from the story #but so much of it WOULD and I don’t know how to address it without pulling focus #how am I supposed to write my plotline of x finding out that y slept with z if it takes place in April 2020 #and they wouldn’t be in the same TOWN anymore? #how am I supposed to have y get over x by going out to a club and getting drunk when she’s a leftist who would never DARE go to a club #during fall 2021??? #how do I still write these plotlines without the pandemic? #I can’t #so I imagine my work is in an alternate universe where the pandemic never happened #but also somehow Taylor still wrote folkmore cuz tolerate it works too damn well for Inez for my characters not to mention it #and I get why other writers choose to avoid it too because it just doesn’t work in their world #and that’s not about denying the pandemic that’s recognizing it was too important to depict naturally #ugh anyways here I go on another rant no one will read #if you actually read all this I’m in love with you

[daydream-draws]

oh gifted kid burnout we’re really in for it now

#vent #literally almost started crying in class I don’t even know what to do anymore #like I can’t emotionally handle a less than amazing grade #even if it’s like. A B+ #I just don’t have energy !!! #like this one friend really hit me with the triple “ you’re old” “you don’t have ur drivers permit” “oh yeah I aced this test (the one I did #not) #like oh my god I have depression what more do you want from me #like sorry I can’t explain things well !!! I understood the test answers perfectly I don’t get what else I need ! #I just feel so helpless what else am I supposed to do #I’ll probably meet with the teacher and retest AGAIN thank god I can do that #but yeah I don’t know how I’m gonna handle writing a history essay #also fuck my school for having an A be the expected grade. #like why so competitive .. let me have a B in peace without making me feel worthless or less than ….. #looking at you mr. history teacher especially #all of them but him mostly #hot take teachers shouldn’t be proud no one in their class is doing well and is happythat kids literally sob because of their harshness

[neohart]

I make a lot of mistakes, but taking an honors course was the worst of them all.

#NeosTedTalk #it’s just hard and I can’t do it anymore :( #and it’s worse becaus my teacher for that class doesn’t understand that I can’t do the same things everyone else does #I also don’t have any friends in that class and everyone there has bullied me before so I’m not having fun #and I can’t tell if she wants to help or not