#I don’t live on my own still and my mother basically refuses to use the air conditioning unless it’s like 95+ degrees outside. and even then

[seilon]

i wish there was a cure for the sheer genuine dread I feel for summer like I really can’t stand it

#well. there is a cure and that’s the ability to travel. especially to places with enjoyable bodies of water. and I don’t even mean that far #I mean like literally a two hour drive west or east (the ocean or Lake Tahoe) #where it’s a bit cooler And there’s enjoyable bodies of water (enjoyable in different ways of course) #but alas!!!!!!!!! #I can’t fucking drive. going anywhere is expensive. I have to abide by work hours and the work hours of my friends. and that’s if they’re #even in town (the one who usually drives for example is going on a 3 week trip to Italy until the end of june) and I don’t have many friends #at all #my friends don’t really like spending money on anything. etc etc etc #it’s not fucking easy #so all summer is is just. #unbearable 100+ degree weather where every day is the same bleak dry desert nothingness #I don’t live on my own still and my mother basically refuses to use the air conditioning unless it’s like 95+ degrees outside. and even then #it’s for short periods of time. #I can’t go anywhere without ending up soaked in sweat and feeling like I want to fucking die #my heat tolerance has gotten so fucking bad it makes me feel sick #it’s fucking awful and I don’t know what to do about it #I’ll inevitably be walking in that hell weather anyway to get to the bus and go to work so woohoo #kibumblabs #I really wish I had the freedom and funds and friends to enjoy summer. I really do

[jkslipppiercing]

Left Me With A Broken Heart | jjk drabble

♡ warnings: depressing tbh

♡ WC: <1k words

index

taglist

-unedited.

The waiting area weeps of basic white interior design. The lifelessness it weighs the atmosphere holds my thoughts captive. It’s plain.

Void of emotion.

He used to hate waiting areas. Always whined about how boring it gets, to wait for something that gets you so nervous, you’d break into a cold sweat.

He holds my cold clammy hands in his own ones, squeezing them to comfort the both of us. I squeeze back to reciprocate the reassuring gesture, and he kisses me sweetly, smoothing away any concerns I might have had.

Thoughts of him wrap their hands around my throat and squeeze-

“Jeon Y/N?”

The panic intensifies, but it does nothing to dull the ache.

I send a weak smile to the secretary before I take the hallway with flickering lights. Reminds me of life; the walls being life and the flickering lights being my stuttering heartbeats every time I think about him.

His laugh, his eyes, his lips. Everything about him is so damn perfect. Beautiful. Angelic.

He carries me in his arms, jumping as his laugh reverberates around the room. I can’t contain my smile when he sets me down and stares into my eyes with so much happiness, a tear slips down my cheek.

“I love you.” My smile barely lets me speak; I just can’t seem to contain it enough for my cheeks not to hurt.

“never more than my never-ending love for you.”

“liar.” I hit his chest playfully before placing a hand on my belly. “you’re gonna love this baby more than me.”

He picks me up again. “I’m gonna be a dad!” he screams as loud as he can as if he still can’t believe I’m pregnant with his child.

A sad smile breaks through my lips as I reach the end of the hallway.

I open the door, and as soon as I look at the woman in front of me, my heart feels a thousand pounds heavier. She smiles at me, and a meaningful tear slips down my cheek.

He had her eyes.

The same crease that used to show up at the end of his eyes now lines her own tired face.

His smile was loving and sweet- a thing he got from her- except now, her smile mirrors my own sad one.

Defeated, exhausted, and utterly broken.

The doctor stands up from behind her desk, walking to me.

As soon as she’s within arms length, she reaches for my shoulder and pulls me to her embrace.

“My y/n.” she breathes through her tears. She rubs my back as she cries quietly, refusing to let me see her tears. She knows it would break me.

But I break anyway.

He used to call me that.

“my y/n is gonna be one hell of a mother.”

“my y/n will forever be mine to love.”

“the most beautiful woman of my life, the one I can’t wait to grow old with. I love you, my y/n.”

A sob breaks through my façade. My whole resolve breaks, and I clutch her for dear life as I cry into her chest. My heart chips and shatters and falls at my feet. I can’t breathe, but I don’t want to.

My heart is empty without him.

My whole life is void of living.

He was my oxygen.

How will I ever live?

She continues to rub my back as she weeps silent tears.

She’s close to my mother’s age, frail, wise, and growing grey.

Her being his mother was enough a reasoning to call her my own.

He loved her incredibly much. Respected her more than anyone else and always made sure to let her know.

I pull away from her, my eyes red and brimming with salty tears. She places a palm on my cheek and traces my tears away, only which makes her cry harder.

A picture placed on her desk catches my attention over her shoulder, and my whole entire soul breaks for her.

She catches my line of vision and turns around to look at the picture of her son standing in a military uniform.

A lone tear runs down her face as she sidehugs me and we both stare at the framed picture of my late husband and her late son.

“You promised to never break our hearts, son.”

im trying to explore my writing style 😭

@hoseokteardrop @nochuel @kaitieskidmore97 @nays2112 @jksoftii @yu-justme @meadow-in-spring @bunnykoos @looneybleus @fushigurosdarling @alpha-mommy69 @junecat18 @xjiminsthighsx @tanniesdolls @winterbeartaehyungbestboy @whoa-jo @ahgasegotarmy116 @jksusawife @frgetmenotz @baechugff @partyparty-yah @army130613210521 @drugerlime @allisonstone @hopekive @llallaaa @tarahardcore @hopetookmysoul @betysotelo18 @harmonic55 @ecrvea @awesomebabyyoda @peterstarkchrishiddleston @pinkrockstar19 @sweetestseoul @luv--youu @mochminnie @coletaehyung @whitelies2248-blog @ash07128 @bangtans-momma @yourbobaeyestell @laylasbunbunny @btsnpniff @olimpiiaa @caro134340lina @ohsweetmimosa

@lovingkoalaface @httpjeonlicious @t-alyssa2006

#jungkook jeon #jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts fanfiction #jungkook ff #jungkook fanfic #jungkook drabble #bts jungkook

[blushweddinggowns]

Eddie was biting at his nails as he paced around the apartment. 

Steve still wasn't back.

He still wasn’t back and it was an hour past when he said he would be. 

He checked out the front window every few minutes, praying that he would show soon. He wouldn't be able to take this all night, he was only ten minutes away from finding him himself, parents be damned. He was probably overreacting, Steve had insisted he was overreacting, but nothing about this felt right. 

Two years they had been together, two years and Steve hadn’t seen them once. They had been at their vacation home in Jersey when things went to shit, and decided to stay there for the foreseeable future, son be damned.  There were a few calls here and there, maybe once every two months, calls that Steve was always expected to initiate, calls that he would walk away from downcast and depressed, always crawling into Eddie’s lap with a short, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Eddie’s not exactly proud, but he had eavesdropped once on the other line, morbid curiosity and worry taking full control. It was his dad who picked up, who completely ignored Steve’s small, “Can I talk to mom?” to berate him over still living at home, and how he was lucky that the housing market in Hawkins was at its worst or he’d be homeless, and how it was about time he started to pay some rent. 

“If you can actually learn to be responsible down there, we might let you live with us when the house is sold, whenever that may be. But we'll be damned if we let a free-loader stay in our home. Do you understand Steven?”

He hadn’t even said goodbye when he was done, just a short, “Your mothers sleeping, I’ll tell her you called,” and the click of the phone. 

Steve hadn’t set foot in his old house for nearly a month before that call, it was more of a glorified storage unit if anything. Steve had basically moved in with him and Wayne when they were still dancing around each other, and he could probably count the times they’d slept apart in the past two years on one hand. 

And he was already paying rent, in his own way. Even when Wayne had absolutely refused to take a dime from Steve the first time he’d tried it.

“Just keep my Eddie out of trouble and smiling, and you can stay here as long as you want, free of charge,” The embarrassing, wonderful old fuck. 

It helped that Steve was slowly becoming Wayne’s new favorite, because his uncle had fantastic taste, and Steve was probably the sole reason they had stopped eating cut up hot dogs and canned green beans every other day. 

So Steve bought groceries, gas, even snuck in a few twenties into Wayne’s wallet every month, the little weirdo. He cooked and cleaned, forcing Wayne and Eddie to do the same, out of the sheer guilt of watching someone so sweet do all of their dirty work. 

It’s not that Eddie and Wayne couldn’t take care of themselves, they could, but it had been just the two of them for so long, and Wayne had been a mill working bachelor living in a trailer park before Eddie came along, he hadn’t been brimming with knowledge on how to keep a clean house, just a moderately decent one that CPS wouldn’t raise a brow to. 

But Steve…Steve was a cleaner. 

“You learn a thing or two when you gotta get rid of all traces of a house party,” he had laughed, when Eddie had caught him cleaning under the couch, a concept neither Wayne or he had ever grasped. Though that explanation hadn’t explained how he was so good at cooking. 

It had been almost shocking the first time Steve had cooked for him. He loved Steve, he really did, respected him too, but back then the guy basically subsisted on granola bars and pop tarts, and it was Robin or Eddie who usually had to shove real food down his throat, even if it was from a shitty fast food place half the time. 

He couldn’t really be blamed for the expectation that Steve couldn’t cook for shit. So imagine his surprise when Steve blew him away with something he hadn’t even heard of before, beef bourg-something, which ended up being about the best thing Eddie had ever tasted. 

“You can’t be gorgeous, sweet, and a good cook Stevie, you gotta pick a lane here.” He had been worried for a split second that he’d gone too far with the gorgeous and sweet bit, but Steve had just laughed, so obviously pleased that Eddie liked what he made. Which, in hindsight, Eddie should have taken as a massive green flag, it could have saved him weeks of pining. 

It became a regular occurrence after that, and Steve would always glow from the approval he would get from Wayne and Eddie, like they were doing him a favor by eating delicious food. 

“My mom used to like it, when I cooked,” Steve had admitted, much later one night, “Dad hated it, said that it was a short fall to being a fag, but my mom…she always said thank you. Always smiled. She’d ask me about my day sometimes, if I made something she really liked.”

“I like doing it,” he confessed, “But I haven’t had anyone to cook for in a long time."

"Steve…"

“But now I do.” Steve interrupted with a grin, so sincere as he grasped Eddie’s hand, “For someone who deserves it."

Eddie had kissed him silly that night. 

He still wasn’t sure if he actually deserved it, but he could agree that the Harringtons certainly did not. He didn’t even know what the fuckers looked liked. Their house was always shockingly impersonal, no family photos ever in sight, just expensive meaningless art that went with the furniture.

So why were they calling now? And how did they know to call Eddie’s house?

It had been Wayne who picked up the phone, just on his way out, eyebrows raising to his hairline as he passed it to Steve. It had been a short call, and then Steve was getting dressed, trying and failing to reassure Eddie that everything was fine. 

“It happens sometimes, when they get back, it’s like a checklist item, to see me.” Steve had said, shrugging on Eddie’s jacket. He was failing to reassure him, not when he could see his hands shaking as he tied his shoes, “I’ll be fine. It will be one awakward dinner, and then I’ll be back before you know it.”

Eddie watched him, trying to process the whiplash of Steve being calmly cuddled up to his side to getting ready to rush out the door.  

“If it’s not gonna take long then I can just wait in the car baby, it’s not that big a deal-”

“Eddie, no,” He was firm and unyielding, but was refusing to look Eddie in the eye,“I’ll be fine, trust me okay?”

He kissed his cheek on the way out the door, “Nine at the latest, I swear.”

Eddie didn’t trust him, not with this. Steve didn’t talk about his parents much, but the small things he had been able to coax out of him were never good. Selfish, neglectful, mean, but he wouldn’t elaborate, never going further than small stories and tidbits. Eddie never pushed him, never asked explicitly, but he had a pretty strong suspicion it didn’t end there. 

Steve had scars, some he would talk about and others he wouldn’t. He could perfectly recite the story of the mark on his chin, even though he was messed up on truth serum with a russian induced concussion, but when asked about the thin, silvery lines that adorned his body, he suddenly couldn’t remember a thing. 

And Eddie wasn’t the only one suspicious, the rumor mill of Hawkins was strong. Daniel Harrington was known for his temper, and was borderline psychotic in highschool according to Wayne, always trying to pick fights, and always buying his way out of the consequences. 

Back in highschool, there were a few whispers in the hallways, small shit about hearing screaming from the Harrington household, rumors about hand shaped bruises seen in the locker room, questions about why Steve startled so hard at loud noises. 

Eddie had dismissed it, something he still hasn’t quite forgiven himself for, and most of the school did with him. Afterall, kids who had their dads beat the shit out of them weren’t popular, they weren’t captains of the swim team, they didn’t walk around in designer clothes or drive new cars. They were supposed to be damaged losers, easy to pick from the crowd. Someone like Eddie, never someone like King Steve. When in reality, even without his parents, Steve had been dealing with shit that would have sent normal people spiraling for years. 

Even Wayne was on edge, obviously disturebed by the Harrington's sudden arrival. He eventually called from his girlfriend’s place, checking in on how it went, grunting unhappily when Eddie told him he still hadn’t gotten back yet, “If he’s not home in a few hours call Hopper.”

“Agreed.”

Eddie gave up on pacing and peeking, deciding to just sit his ass down on the front stoop and stare at the street. He was seconds away from giving in entirely, already trying to remember where he put his keys when he saw it. Familiar headlights were making their way up his street, parking crookedly on the curb.

Oh thank god. Eddie finally let himself breathe for the first time in hours. He should have just trusted Steve like he said-

His brain short-circuited as he watched the car door open and Steve tumble out of the driver's side, falling to the curb. Eddie was flying off of the stoop, at Steve's side in a moment as he struggled to stand. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck, his baby was bleeding. His baby was bleeding and blurry eyed as he pathetically tried to stand up. Eddie didn’t hesitate, scoping him up in his arms to bring him inside.

“What the hell happened Steve?” Eddie asked, panicked as he laid him out on the couch. He looked awful, so bad that Eddie wanted to cry. His right eye was swollen and already purpling, his lip was split, sending dark, red tracks down his chin. Eddie took his jacket off for him, eyes widening to see the blood running down his arms, embedded bits of glass sparkling in the light.

"I'm sorry I’m late," Steve slurred, trying and failing to help Eddie remove the jacket, “It didn’t go so good.”

That was the understatement of the fucking century. Eddie’s mind was a cluster fuck, filled with worry, confusion, rage, despair at seeing Steve so hurt, for no fucking good reason. But he needed to focus, freaking out wasn’t helping Steve, who was still fucking bleeding. Stopping that took precedent. 

Steve looked down at himself, frowning as he seemimly took in the damage for the first time, before stupidly trying to sit up, “I’ll get blood on the couch,” 

That stupid statement was enough to get Eddie out of his shock.

“I don’t give a shit about the couch Steve.” Eddie hissed out, fighting not to yell. He was feeling too much all at once, but he refused to let himself be mad at Steve for being so idiotically self neglinat, not when he needed him. He rubbed a hand over his face, steeling himself to get his shit together before standing. 

“Wait here sweetheart, and keep your eyes open, okay? I’ll be right back,” Eddie had to gently push Steve back down when he tried to sit up, “Just let me take care of you.”

Steve nodded, seemingly accepting the fact that yes, his literal life took precedence over cheap furniture. Eddie made it to the bathroom in record time, for once surreally grateful he had experienced the Upside Down, because it had forced him to have multiple first aid kits on hand. 

He was back in less than a minute, horrified to see Steve standing on unsteady feet, spreading a blanket on the couch, like ruining the upholstery with this blood was really the priority here. He had the good grace to look guilty when he saw Eddie, sitting back down with a heavy sound, unprompted. 

Calm down, calm down, calm down, Eddie thought to himself, before kneeling in front of Steve. His hands were shaking as he opened the first aid kit, but he made them work. He pressed up against the cut on his lips with cotton rounds, placing Steve’s hand against it to keep the pressure. His arms were worse, and his shaking wasn’t helping him tweeze the glass out, beer bottle by the looks of it, but he managed. 

Steve was still acting woozy, barely acknowledging the sting of the alcohol as Eddie bandaged and cleaned all of his cuts, “What hurts the most baby? I need you to tell me.”

“Head,” Steve mumbled, “feels like it’s burning.”

Fuck, Eddie didn’t know what to do with that. Surface level shit he could handle, but it sounded like he had a concussion, “Steve, I think we need to take you to a hospital-”

“No.” It was automatic, so quick from Steve’s mouth that Eddie did a double take. 

“Why the hell not?”

"I don’t…" he sighed, "I don't want everyone to know, okay? Not yet. I just want you."

"But-"

“Eddie, please?” He was begging, pleading in a way Eddie didn’t know how to say no too.

Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose, forcing himself to be patient, “Okay, okay. Just stay right here, and keep your eyes open, got it? I’ll be right back.”

Eddie kissed him on the forehead, ignoring his soft comments about being sweaty and gross. He went straight to the phone, calling the only number he could think of. 

Wayne picked up on the third ring, obviously expecting the call. He told him everything, desperate for advice, “He doesn’t want to go to the hospital, but he looks bad, Wayne. I-I don’t know what to do,”

“Jesus christ, wait a second.” 

Eddie kept peeking his head out into the hall, like Steve was going to spontaneously combust if he let him out of his site for too long. He repeated everything to Mindy, relieved that there was someone who knew what to do.

“Oh honey…Keep him awake okay? If he can’t stay conscious, call 911, don’t wait for us. And don't move him too much, we’ll be right there."

Thank god for Mindy, the saint. He had already adored the woman the first time they’d met, just from the way she made his uncle smile, but this was going to have her in his good books for the end of time. 

Steve was still awake when he got back, thankfully. Eddie sat on the floor next to him, taking his hand, “Wayne and Mindy are coming over in a bit, okay? Someone has to check on you.”

Steve started to protest, but one look at Eddie’s unamused face shut him up. He looked away, “I forgot she was a nurse.”

“If she says you need to go to the hospital, you’re going.”

“Okay.”

Eddie waited for Steve to start telling him what the fuck had happened, so he knew who he had to murder. But he didn’t say anything, he just kept occasionally playing with the rings on Eddie’s hands, proving that he was still awake. 

Eddie broke the silence first, he just couldn’t take not saying anything,“You’re not going back there. Ever. I'm never letting you out of my sight again.”

Steve laughed, wincing when it made his lip bleed a bit more. That was almost enough to have Eddie crying all over again. 

“I, um, can’t go back there, actually.” He didn’t even look sad, just resigned, “They said it was you or them. I chose you and,” he chuckled, humorless, “And they did not take it well.”

“They know?” Eddie asked, the answer obvious, but the how wasn’t. They were hundreds of miles away, never giving a single shit about their son’s life.

He nodded, “They told me on the phone, said they knew what I was up to, that I owed them an explanation.”

“How?”

“Tommy, I guess. He called them, sat down with them or something,” he shrugged and even that small movement looked painful, “Worried about my life choices or some shit.”

Another one to the list of people Eddie was going to have to choke out. 

Eddie should have never let him go over there alone, or at all. He knew something was up, he fucking knew it, but he was here sitting on his hands while Steve was getting the shit beat out of him. 

Eddie wanted him to look at him, needed him to look at him. He cradled Steve’s face, carefully moving him to meet his eyes, "Stevie…baby, why did you go?”

He looked so broken down, tears starting to gather in the corner of his eyes. Steve went to bite his lip, flinching when he realized what a mistake that was, “If I didn’t go he would have shown up here. A-and I didn’t want you to get hurt. I thought I could talk them down or something, or just lie my way through it but…I couldn’t.” 

Eddie resisted the urge to argue with him, to say that Steve mattered more, that he couldn’t put himself in harm’s way for his sake, that he would have gladly been the one to take the beating if it meant he would be okay. He was tracing the outline of his jaw, half for comfort and half to check for more injuries, biting down all of his indignation. 

“How many times have they done this before?”

“They haven’t-”

“Sweetheart, please don’t lie to me,” Eddie wiped the tears from his good eye, patient.

Steve took a deep breath, closing his eyes, admitting the truth out loud for the first time in his life, “I’ve lost count.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

"I didn't want to scare you away,"

Eddie frowned, immediately confused, “What does that mean?”

The tears were really starting to fall now, Steve wincing at the sting of them in his cuts, “I-I know I’m already a lot okay? I’m clingy and annoying a-and I fucking scream and shit in the middle of the night and I just didn’t want to add another thing for you to have to deal with.”

Blaming himself for the terrible things other people did to him, classic fucking Steve. Eddie wanted to shake him, to yell at him that he was the most important person in his world, how could anything ever scare him away?  But he held it all back.

"There is nothing that would ever make me not want you," Eddie swallowed, his own eyes starting to sting, "I'll always love you, don't you know that?"

"I-I do, really, I just...I don't know. I should have told you," Steve managed to look ashamed through his tears, and it just made Eddie's heart hurt more. He wanted to hug him, to hold him tight, and never let go. But he couldn't, not without hurting him. Steve's favorite thing in the world was getting held, and they managed to take that away. Eddie didn't know why that fact was standing out so much, but he'd never forgive them for it. 

He could hear the sound of Wayne’s truck pulling into the driveway, footsteps not far behind. Eddie kissed the side of his mouth, as lightly as he could before standing to let them inside. 

Mindy made quick work of tending to him, revealing more injuries under his clothes that Eddie hadn't even realized were there. His heart almost stopped at the sight of Steve shirtless, mottled yellow bruising strewn across his sides.

He and Wayne stood on the sidelines, both anxious as they waited for the news. Wayne was furious in a way that he hadn’t seen since he was a kid, back when it was Eddie being patched up from his own shit dad.

"You can stay home tonight," she finally declared to Steve, gesturing Eddie over, "You just need lots and lots of rest. Give those ribs a chance to heal a good while before you do anything strenuous. Now let's help get you to bed.”

"Thank you," Steve mumbled as Eddie scooped him up. Now that he had gotten the go-ahead to sleep, Steve was already letting his eyes fall closed, clearly exhausted. He set him down on the bed carefully, helping him change into clean clothes, ignoring the weak protests that he could do it himself. 

“Please don’t go after him,” Steve mumbled when Eddie got him under the covers, "Promise me?"

Eddie hesitated, "But-"

"It's not about them," Steve rushed out, shaking his head, "Getting arrested isn't worth it. Losing you isn't worth it. Swear?”

He was right, Eddie knew Steve was right. His father wasn't just anybody, he'd press charges against almost any offense against him. And he had the lawyers to back it up. Steve was still looking at him, struggling to keep his eyes open as he waited. Eddie relented, begrudgingly giving into stupid things like logic, “I swear.”

"Thank you," Steve whispered, finally letting himself fall asleep, "I love you."

Eddie kissed his forehead, staying by his side until he was fully out of it, losing himself in his own thoughts. He wouldn’t lie to Steve, he couldn’t lie to Steve, even if he wanted to. 

He wouldn't lay a hand on his father. But that didn't mean he couldn't get his shit back. Preferably before it was thrown out or damaged by his psychotic family. He left Wayne with a sleeping Steve, after a few dozen promises, that no, he was not going to go commit a violent felony.

Just a few misdemeanors. 

“If they haven't already skipped town, then you come right back. You hear me?” Wayne insisted, watching him tie up his boots with narrowed eyes. 

“I hear you. It'll be two hours, tops.”

He parked a block away, slinking along the sidewalk. Lucky enough for him, there were no cars in the driveway of the Harrington house, and all the lights were off. The whole neighborhood was quiet. It sure looked like they booked it, maybe too afraid of an assault charge actually sticking to stay in town.

Breaking into Steve’s room was easy, first floor with an unlocked window? Child’s play. His room looked untouched, thankfully. Whatever had happened, hadn’t happened here. He didn't waste time, immediately starting to throw the few things left in his bag. There really wasn’t much to grab, a few mixtapes, some drawings from Will, the last of his clothes. Eddie was searching under the bed when he heard it, the sound of the knob turning. 

He froze, hearing a sharp intake of breath behind him. He expected whoever it was to start yelling, but instead there was only the click of the door closing shut behind them. He turned slowly, surprised to see who was standing there.  

He had never seen her before, but he recognized her immediately. Steve looked just like her. The same big eyes and pouty mouth, the same gravity defying hair. They stared at each other, but she didn’t scream. She kept her eyes on him as she walked forward, primly sitting at Steve’s pristine desk. 

Eddie was trying to calculate how much time it would take to book it back down the window and to his car, when she opened her mouth, “You can keep packing, don’t worry. Daniel’s gone for now.”

She was shuffling around in Steve’s old desk as she spoke, "You're Eddie, I presume.”

It was a statement, not a question, despite the phrasing, but Eddie answered anyway, “That’s me.”

She found what she was looking for, plain paper and a pen and started scribbling as she spoke, “Is he okay?”

That broke him out of his stunned little trance. Eddie stared at her, baffled and annoyed that she would even ask, “He’s alive.”

“Did he go to the hospital?”

“Why do you care?” He was pushing it. He should just pack Steve’s shit and go, but he was stuck, seething at the woman who allowed Steve to live with that monster, too angry to keep his mouth shut.

She shrugged, “If my husband is about to be arrested for disciplining our son, I’d like to know about it.”

There it was. Eddie was pretty sure this was the first time he had ever wanted to hit a woman before. He scoffed, “Un-fucking-believable. I’m not even going to answer that.”

He made his way into the closet, grabbing the few things that were still left on hangers. She was still scribbling at Steve’s desk, when he came out, flipping the page over to start on the back. 

She didn’t look up at him, “He’s…” she shook her head, eyes on the paper, “It’s never been that bad before.”

Eddie ignored her, hurriedly going through Steve’s drawers, desperate to just get away from this bitch, this house, and get back to his Steve.  

She was folding the paper up, letter style, before finally looking back up at Eddie. She was biting her lip, the exact same way Steve did, “Will you take care of him? If he stays?”

“Better than you.” Eddie snapped, mind jumping on the if. 

She stood giving him a head to toe look, obviously displeased with what she saw. She held the letter out, “Give him this. He deserves to know he has options, and everything he’s giving up, because of you.” She said it matter of factly, like Eddie was just a temporary bump in the road, “We can give him a new start, and he’ll need a new start somewhere anyway, his father is spreading the news of your affair as we speak.”

Eddie stared down at the letter, making no moves to take it, "Your husband nearly kills him, and you think he’s going to be open to giving him a new start?" He scoffed, “Are you insane? Steve’s never going near that psycho again.”

“I could convince him,” she insisted, “When he calms down and realizes Steve needs help, he’ll be willing to give it to him.”

She shook the letter at him, her forced calm finally starting to crack, “Just give it to him. Consider it a trade for me not having you arrested for trespassing.”

Eddie snatched the letter from her hands, stuffing it into his back pocket, "Fine."

“Good. You can go back out through the window,” she said, turning to leave, “No reason for the neighbors to see more than they already have tonight."

“He won’t come back,” Eddie said, staring at her back,“He has a new family now, a real family, and I’ll never let either of you hurt him again.”

She scoffed, “We’ll just see about that,” Eddie could feel the venom behind her words, a peek into the real person behind the pretty mask. She slammed the door on the way out, like the petty child she was. 

Eddie hated her, hated how she was so sure of herself, so confident with someone she didn’t even fucking know. 

He hated how she thought she loved Steve.

Eddie was still fuming by the time he got home. He dumped the duffle bag into the entryway, the letter still burning a hole in his pocket. Steve wasn't going to leave him because of some scribbled words from his mom, on some level he knew that.

But even on the off chance he had suffered some serious brain damage and wanted to go back he wouldn't let him anyway. He'd kill Daniel Harrington himself before letting his Steve be around the piece of shit. He stepped from the hall into the living room, freezing when he saw Steve curled up on the couch, wide awake. He looked relieved to see him, before letting a frown take over his bruised face.

“What are you doing out of bed?” Eddie asked, shrinking a little at Steve’s glare. He ignored the question. 

“What did you do?” Eddie flinched, but he couldn’t really blame him for expecting the worst. His track record wasn’t exactly…stellar in the physical protection department. 

He raised his hands, placating, “Nothing, I promise! You won’t be seeing my name plastered on any headlines. I just got your stuff.”

Steve stared at him, looking for any tells. Eddie didn’t know how he did it, but the guy would just know when he was lying. Eventually he seemed satisfied with whatever he saw, relenting.

“Come here then,” he made grabby hands, adorable even when he was pissy and all bruised up. 

Eddie went to him, hugging him with careful hands, “How are you feeling baby?”

“Horrible,” Steve admitted, cuddling into his side “But not worse.” 

Eddie nodded, taking him in. He still looked awful, but he was way more coherent than a few hours ago, a sign in the right direction. He thought of the letter burning a hole in his pocket, wondering if it would really be so terrible to just throw it away, Steve none the wiser. What could she possibly say to make up for this?

But on the other hand…it wasn’t his choice to make.

“I uh, “ he rubbed a hand against the back of his neck, “Kinda ran into your mom, while I was there.”

Steve went rigid in his arms, staring up at him with wide-eyes. 

"But nothing happened!" Eddie rushed out, flinching at the sight of Steve’s panicked face, "We just talked."

“Why would she want to talk to you?”

Eddie sighed, digging into his back pocket. Now or never he guessed, “She wanted me to give this to you.”

Steve stared at the envelope, taking it in shaky hands, “She gave it to you?”

"Wrote it out in front of me. She said, uh, that you deserved to know everything you were giving up.”

Because of me. 

He left that part unsaid.

Steve frowned at the paper in his hand, shaking his head, "Help me up," 

“You’re not supposed to be moving-”

“Just to the kitchen,” Steve insisted, “I’ll lay down right after,”

Eddie gave in, helping Steve to his feet, fully intending to drag him back to bed the second he was done with whatever this was. Steve steadied himself, shooing Eddie away to weakly walk towards the kitchen.

Eddie followed him, confused as he dug around in the drawers, finding whatever he was looking for before going to the sink. Eddie watched, wide eyed as he lit a match, promptly setting the paper on fire.

"Steve-"

“It doesn't matter what it says," Steve cut in, letting it drop into the sink, "I made my choice."

He turned away from the sink, stepping back into Eddie’s arms, “All I want is you.”

Eddie held him, forcing himself to be gentle when all he wanted to do was bury himself into the other man, "You won't regret it.” Eddie choked up, teary-eyed, “I'll spend the rest of my life making sure you don't."

"It sounds like you're proposing," Steve said with a wet laugh. Eddie started kissing his face, helpless to not touch him. 

"Maybe I am,”He managed to gasp out in between pecks, “But only if you'd say yes." 

Fuck being young. Fuck every doubt that other people would have. There was no future that existed where Eddie wouldn't want Steve. This was it, the only person he would ever want, ever need. Steve stopped him at his mouth, careful of his cut as he kissed him, so light it was barely there.

He whispered into the small space between their lips, like a secret just for them, "I would."

#steddie #steddie fic #steddie ficlet #I literally just swiped this from my fic on ao3 #because oh damn the way I wrote it has the non dirty bits in pretty good ficlet format #drabble #so spoilers if you read living the unknown dream #word for word stealing #from myself #so doesnt count #violence #blood is mentioned #parental violence #steve has very very bad parents #is this too long to be a drabble? #what are the rules? #abusive parents #they're in love your honor #uncle wayne #being great #steve harrington #stranger things #eddie munson

[hyperactivewhore]

In your opinion who is the best mother in the TVD universe? I think it has to be Hayley. She had made a lot of mistakes, but at the end of the day, Hope has never once doubted that her mother truly and unconditionally loved and supported her. Hayley practically raised Hope by herself. All Hayley wanted is for Hope to have a normal, happy childhood. And unlike many people I don’t think she ever abandoned Hope. Yes, she sent her away to the Salvatore school - but I think that’s because she knew that Hope couldn’t live a normal life in New Orleans and she thought that the best chance of Hope having a semi normal childhood is if no one knew who she was. And in legacies, it’s said that she still visited Hope at school frequently.

Hayley Marshall without a doubt was the best mother in tvdu, especially considering the events regarding her pregnancy, daughter and her daughter's family.

Hayley loved Hope from the very beginning, don't bring up how she tried to abort Hope because that's just rubbish: she wanted to do it because it would be better for both of them, but ultimately couldn't bring herself to do it. Claiming Elijah was the first person to care about Hope is so wrong, he didn't give a damn about the fetus but what it could mean to Klaus and his fucked up family at the beginning, he only saw his niece as her own person when she was fifteen years old.

Motherhood was forced upon Hayley and she had no other choice but to accept it, Klaus and Elijah made that very clear and it sickens me how people brush over Hayley herself saying how terrified and scared she was during this period of her life. She was barely an adult, thrown into the most dangerous family to ever live just because she happened to carry a baby and was killed twice because of that same family.

Saying Hayley was a bad mother is crazy, she loved Hope and put her above everyone almost always (I won't praise her for this, though, loving your child is the bare minium a decent parent should do) even if it was above people she cared about. People always bring up how she "stole" Hope in season two to try to put her in a bad light and it's embarrassing every time.

Was it a dangerous and risky choice? Obviously, yes, but Klaus, the father of her daughter, was jeopardizing Hope at the time with his paranoia and refusal to trust his family, and at the time everyone believed he had killed Aiden, a member of Hayley's pack, of course she would panick and run away with their kid. It was wrong nonetheless because she was putting in danger her whole pack, her husband, her daughter and herself, but I'll never blame her for it considering how much shit she went through only because of the Mikaelson.

Like Klaus, Hayley was scared too and this is often "forgotten" by the fandom: like him, she never had any good parent, but this didn't make her stop talking to Hope suddenly. The fandom often justifies Klaus abandoning Hope because he had daddy issues and because of The Hollow, but was it that hard to write letters, answer her phone calls? He ghosted his own daughter when she was nine because she saw him murdering someone, but somehow Klaus is the better parent in tvdu and the one Hope loved the most. Make it make sense.

Caroline was away too from her daughters, but she didn't ghost them the way Klaus did. Hayley was co-leading New Orleans, a whole city full of supernatural creatures, but she didn't abandon Hope either: as you said, Josie herself said she used to come to Mystic Falls frequently just for her daughter. Sending Hope away to school after nearly dying and losing her father was too soon, and while Legacies made everything they could to make these women look like bad mothers (Hope being basically depressed as a child, wanting to belong into the Saltzman family, her line in season three "my mom and dad will come back for me" - though I'm not sure if it should consider it proof, considering it was a weird Star Wars episode -, Lizzie feeling neglected by her mother, etc) they simply weren't.

Caroline and Hayley were both forced to be mothers and both proved to be better than everyone in the series. People should start criticizing the actual bad parents in this show instead of them.

#hayley marshall #caroline forbes #hope mikaelson #lizzie saltzman #josie saltzman #klaus mikaelson #elijah mikaelson #jackson kenner #the vampire diaries #the originals #tvd #to #tvdu #phoebe tonkin #candice king #candice accola #the originals meta

[soup-of-the-daisies]

You talked about rambles so uhm.. have this essay i guess?? sklfjd this got wayy longer than i thought it would:

Sirius and Regulus and especially the was Sirius talks about Regulus is SOOOO interesting to me? probably because i'm also an eldest child

"my idiot brother who was soft enough to believe [our parents]" is just so.. bitter? resentful? hurt? to me? I firmly believe Sirius used to believe W&O too, but then got to Hogwarts and was in for a Rude Awakening and slowly changed. It can't have been easy, even if he had prior doubts, to learn to disregard and actively denounce everything his parents ever told him.

They were harsh and strict and expected so much from him. Put him in all these little boxes and made him jump through hoops because he had to be the perfect little heir to the Black name (basically royalty) but they were his parents and parents love their children. They care. He was eleven when he started to not only doubt his parents ideals, but also their love for him because with every "no" and "that's not true" and "muggleborn, not mudblood" they (especially Walburga) get harsher and harsher.

Maybe he even went to Regulus with it in his letters in the year Regulus wasn't at Hogwarts yet? "Potter said [something going directly against what their parents told them] and was completely serious about it! Can you believe it?" "Do you think father was right when he said ... because Potter said ..." "James told me mother was wrong about ..." And he tried to explain his own wavering belief in their parents and Regulus, who was still firmly under their thumb, refused to listen.

Maybe Regulus talked to their parents about these letters and he got an furious letter from Walburga. Or he got the cold shoulder when he got home from his first year not knowing why until they brought it up icily during dinner?

I believe that Sirius saw Regulus believing their parents over him as a personal betrayal. "soft enough to believe them" aka he loved/respected/trusted them more than he did me or he would have listened to me

honestly i don't know if any of this made sense but it's certainly rambling

Yes. Yes, this is good. VERY good.

In my perspective, Sirius calling Regulus ‘soft’ and an ‘idiot’ is, apart from hurt for a little brother who ‘betrayed’ him/his trust, also something that he’s parroting. Like that his parents used to say it, you know? Sirius is intelligent, headstrong, magically powerful, and a leader at his core: ideal for the future head of the family. I’d say his rebellious tendencies and sharp retorts were initially encouraged (amusing, cute, and impressive; he was an outgoing and sharp child, and people who don’t like children like that), until it backfired on them.

Regulus, while being clever himself, I’ve always seen as significantly less outgoing. He’s not mentioned until OotP, though he could’ve been mentioned (at least in passing) during both PoA and GoF. I don’t see him as having been very… outstanding, I suppose. Probably quiet at home too, and agreeable. Not something you’d want in an heir, ideally. Calling him a soft idiot could easily be a way for O&W to force him out of his shell, be more Sirius-esque without the need for rebellion.

But then he joins the Death Eaters, and his parents (though perhaps unhappy that he’s such a follower) are at least proud that he agrees with their ideas, and Sirius just thinks—they were right. Apart from the cold shoulder or the tattling after Sirius started Hogwarts, he’s radicalised now as well, listened to their parents’ ridiculous bigotry and agreed with it to the point of becoming a follower of Voldemort. Voldemort, who obviously doesn’t care about people’s lives, least of all about the ideas he’s spouting (how many purebloods got killed by DE’s, in comparison to muggles and muggleborn? How is that superiority?). It’s a confirmation: Regulus is soft and can’t think for himself, Regulus is an idiot who decided to side with a extremist maniac instead of genuinely considering the facts.

I do think Sirius cared for his parents, a little bit. He flees to his mother’s room when he’s upset, and he doesn’t take the opportunity to slander his father for his paranoia in protecting Grimmauld with spells. I think he cared for Regulus more though: soft, idiotic Regulus, who was too quiet to think to disagree, too stupid to think further than the ideas he surrounded himself with, too scared to consider his brother’s rebuttals to the bigotry.

It’s hurt, yes. Because it could’ve been better. Because Regulus could have lived.

#sirius black #regulus black #black brothers #mwpp #ask #anon #the hp rambles

[aegor-bamfsteel]

hello aegor-bamfsteel, you have blessed us with so many metas about Daemon/blackfyres and asoiaf in general. I’m curious if you have any about Elaena’s twins, they are rarely talked about, I mean it’s understandable as we know nothing about them outside of Jon’s descendants forming their own house, beside Rennifer Longwaters saying about Jon that “he grew to be a great knight, as did his own son, who put the 'Long' before the 'Waters' so men might know that he was not basely born himself…" sooo do you have any headcanons about the twins Jon and Jeyne?

Thank you for the kind words about my Blackfyre metas. It’s says a lot to me that you consider yourself blessed when I write. I actually do have headcanons about Elaena’s oldest children, although I’ve been hesitant to share them because I’ve gotten hate from Blackfyre antis for speculating they and their mother had a positive relationship with Daemon Blackfyre. All my Waters twins related headcanons are based on the fact that Elaena remarried when they were 6 years old at the most and would be unable to take them with her to Plumm lands. After that time, where would they be raised? The Velaryons are an option, but I don’t like that considering how Alyn treated Baela, by having an affair with a recently released captive young enough to be his granddaughter (plus she apparently hoped to marry him, which depending on if Baela were alive was disrespectful). Basically I don’t think Baela’s children would want much to do with the twins, and probably didn’t foster them at Driftmark immediately. But there was one person, someone Elaena deeply admired, who still lived in the Red Keep and had a child approximately the same age as the twins: Daena Targaryen. So I like to think that the twins were raised alongside Daemon in Daena’s household, and this had a great effect on who’d they become as adults.

Daena wasn’t someone to set strict rules for the kids with their future in mind (Jon and Daemon must train at arms to earn their living by the sword, Jeyne must learn etiquette and writing to become a lady in waiting); rather, she’d encourage them to pursue their interests, after her male relatives had denied her the opportunity. Her household would’ve been an unusually open spot in Aegon’s deadly, exploitative court. Their childhood with Daena would’ve represented something not unlike what Winterfell represents for the Stark kids: a time of innocence, relative lack of responsibility, friendship and honest love…though try as Daena might, she couldn’t protect them from anti-illegitimate prejudice or hearing of many of Aegon’s abuses. Nor did she prepare them for the danger when less well-meaning authority figures looked after them.

So I imagine that Daena died very soon before the tournament where Daemon won his honors, because she was no longer able to refuse Aegon’s claims to be his father. Daena, who as a sportswoman was always in fine health, didn’t imagine that she’d pass away before the children were of age (in fact some of her supporters believed that Aegon had poisoned her to get her out of the way). She wanted to marry Jeyne and Daemon, only a year apart in age, to prevent them from being used as marriage pawns in some political game, so they and Jon could keep the United front as they did in childhood. Nevertheless, Daena had a few supporters who wanted her on the Iron Throne that might agree to take in the children. The Master of Hull, Daemion Velaryon (who had once proposed marriage to Daena and later wed one of her companions from the Maidenvault, Maia Stokeworth) agreed to see to their needs. While Jeyne and Jon were able to reach Driftmark, Daemon had been held back by Quentyn Ball due to a possible squireship. Upset at the loss of their friend’s son, Daemion and Maia took in the Waters twins and tried to see them reach a more standard level of education.

I have fewer headcanons for Jon. In their youth he and Daemon resembled each other from the back, though he stayed lean whereas Daemon broadened. He inherited the thin, angry mouth of his mother, though he tended more to melancholy silence than outright rage. He had none of Elaena’s wit or Daena’s easy manner, and while he quietly admired his aunt and adopted her approach to honor, he considered Elaena lacking in strong morals. What he did have was a solid work ethic and sense of duty to protect his family, especially his sister Jeyne, who had a harder time conforming to societal expectations. He was also prone to self-criticism. He was grateful to Daemion for taking him in and hiring a master-at-arms (Daena’s former sworn shield, Gareth “the Grey”) to see to his training, and was indulgent with his foster sisters. He and Daemon were good friends in childhood, and Daemon often was a go-between in Jon and his mother’s strained relationship. He feared Aegor Rivers as a dangerous radical who’d disrupt the social order (and he was right), and also resented how close they’d gotten when Aegor was never part of Daemon’s life until recently. In a generation of famous knights, Jon was certainly good, but not among the best, not helped by his social awkwardness (borne of living in someone’s shadow/treated as an inconvenience). Living amongst Daena’s old supporters—and considering his childhood with her to be his happiest memories—he of course would’ve supported Daemon. However, Elaena—noting the tension of court—had him sent to Braavos as part of Michel Manwoody’s escort, and the war was over when he returned to Westeros. Jon was furious that his mother—who he’d felt never bothered to understand him, but treated him as a minor inconvenience rather than a son—would go over his head and soil his honor, rather than let him fight and die as he chose. Elaena did not wish to see any of her children die needlessly in a war she felt was pointless and unwinnable, and believed she was saving him from himself. Shamed, Jon did not go to Tyrosh to join the exiles, as he felt that they would attempt to kill him as a traitor and Red ally. While not technically a Blackfyre supporter, Da3ron II knew that was only because of Elaena, and for his service to the crown in Essos granted him the hand of Gemima Waters, the illegitimate niece of Clarence Cargyll and heiress to half his lands…which “happened” to adjoin the salted lands of the exiled Blackfyres, so Jon could contemplate the mistake his cousin had made. While Jon feared what would happen to him should the Blackfyres return to fight for the throne, he passed away before he could find out. His son Allar ruled the lands jointly with his mother, and having won honor fighting the ironborn, changed his name to Longwaters and erected a new keep.

I have more headcanons for Jeyne. She was tall and lanky, yellow-haired and purple eyed. Daena insisted on Jeyne learning to defend herself with spear and bow. However, her passion was for science, and she would spend time reading and speaking to the “wisest maesters”. Jeyne was friends with Princess Daenerys, who would join the Waters’ in their games. Yet she felt like the princess had what she lacked, being charming, witty, beautiful, and brave. Squires would give Daenerys a lot of attention while Jeyne (who had read about romance in her books and had a crush on one of those admirers) was relegated to “the ugly friend”. Jeyne was more aware of her uncertain future than the boys and tried to focus on becoming a good lady-in-waiting, as Daenerys was certain she’d be allowed to take Jeyne with her when she wed. She accepted her mother’s nameday gifts with more grace than Jon, and as she got older had a better relationship with Elaena, who found her intelligent and “occasionally sensible”. When she got to Hull, she came out of her shell more, being able to explore the sea, learn to keep accounts, and even was romanced by another ward, Titus Peake, who promised to be one of the greatest stewards in their generation, and the Heir to Dunstonbury besides. Following her mother and aunt, she declared her intention to marry him, only to be told that he was too high of a match for an illegitimate child. Titus’ grandmother understood the value of a marriage with Targaryen and offered Titus’ brother Domeric. The Velaryons agreed without even telling Elaena, who legally had no claim to dispose her hand. Jeyne gave birth to her first child at 14, a son named Desmond, just a year younger than Daemon’s twins; at 17, she had a girl named Danna. Jeyne often also tended to her goodsisters’ children, who in exchange taught her better how to keep a castle. She experimented with different types of fertilizer to make the gardens grow better. Jeyne’s marriage gave the Peakes closer access to Daemon, and consequently were one of his biggest supporters to the point of offering Danna as a match for Aegon (noting the importance of Valyrian blood in a brides). Perhaps to reassure the Peakes of a betrothal, Daemon legitimized Jeyne as a member of House Targaryen (and thus implied, according to the Peakes, that Jeyne’s line could succeed his own on the throne). When war broke out, Jeyne rode with her husband and young son to use her skills as a healer and weapon maker. She was part of the maesters at the rear of the Blackfyre army at Redgrass. When her son was threatened by a mounted Reachman, she grabbed the reins and plunged a spear into the horse’s neck, giving her son enough time to draw his sword and kill the rider. With the Blackfyre army survivors either going home marching to exile, and her husband slain in battle thus unable to offer protection, Jeyne had a choice: either to join the exiles in Tyrosh with her son (where at least her skills as a scientist would be better appreciated) leaving her daughter behind, or to surrender her son to the Reds and pretend the Peakes had forced her into supporting Daemon. Jeyne chose exile, so Gormon Peake gave her a small escort for protection. She and her son were attainted and Danna became a hostage in the Red Keep; she was treated with enough courtesy thanks to Elaena that she was not forced to become a septa, but instead betrothed to a Gulltown Arryn, which probably saved her life (the Vale was untouched by the Great Spring Sickness). As for Jeyne, she eventually remarried to a Tyroshi alchemist in order to become an unofficial member of their guild. She was helpful in securing their support in making weapons for the Third Blackfyre war effort. Her family would play a fairly significant part in the Bamfsteel version of the Third Blackfyre, as it struggles to heal itself after a generation of loss and forced separation.

This is much less organized that the headcanons on the Blackfyres, maybe because there’s more of them since the Waters twins have a more set story role. I thought that since the Targaryens were all United and never lost any relative to a Blackfyre (which certainly doesn’t make me sympathize with them, since the Blackfyres lost nearly everyone) that it’d be interesting to have Elaena’s older children be close to their cousin and want to fight for him, or even choose him in a way that cut them off from their mother. I’m not saying I expect GRRM to write a story exactly like these headcanons (tbh not even I would), but I’m interested in thinking up character dynamics that create emotional resonance and compliment the themes of the main series. I have even more headcanons on Jeyne at least, but this post has gone on long enough.

Thanks again for the ask and the kind words about my metas.

#ask #asoiaf headcanon #jon waters #jeyne waters #first blackfyre rebellion #daena the defiant #daena targaryen #long post

[nothums-from-tj]

Inspired by this post I’m dropping my own bitter exes Squillward hcs which basically turned into a timeline oops

- Squidward started working at the Krusty Krab as a teenager, probably about 16, in which Jim was about early-mid 20s

- Squid and Squill started dating a while prior, 8th or 9th grade

- just as well, Squid was rather similar to SpongeBob during that time: innocent, bubbly, optimistic, happy, though not as naïve and extroverted as Sponge is

- Squilliam grew up in the rich kind of family that anyone who works certain jobs or makes a certain amount are “lesser” and that he is not to associate himself with “untouchables” like that

[edit since I didn’t know how to phrase it before: basically Squilliam grew up learning that love from his parents is conditional, that if he ends up like anything other than them—without money or being “unsuccessful,” he is to be shunned, and part of that is even associating himself with someone who isn’t like them]

- due to Squilliam having that mindset engraved in him, Squidward hid his job from Squilliam the best he could; especially when Squilliam started talking about “the new grease trap in town” and how he’d refuse to know anyone who dared step foot in it

- it wasn’t long until Squilliam found out, especially when he started accusing Squid of cheating and it turned into something of a big fight

- during said fight, Squilliam couldn’t understand how he wasn’t well off enough to have to work in the first place, and Squid was trying his best to explain that he only has one parent he lives with, and that one source of income isn’t always enough, especially when he needs his own boat and his mother’s money alone isn’t enough to cover a college tuition in a couple of years—even with financial aid, and it was only then Squilliam realized that Squidward is someone his parents wouldn’t approve of if they knew him fully

- “Besides, I-I’m just doing this until my clarinet career takes off! It’s like a—like a humble beginning! That—that makes it different, right? I-Is it better, at least? Please, Squilliam, I didn’t want to upset you!”

- with his upbringing, and the fact that Squilliam is still 16, he doesn’t know how to admit that he’s wrong, another thing that was ingrained in his head at a young age, so he continues trying to tell Squid he should quit and find something better but when Squid won’t back down he “calls it a draw” and says something snippy in his frustration before walking out so he can pretend he didn’t lose the argument; Squid cried himself to sleep that night already knowing there was going to be a huge shift in their relationship

- they stay together for another few months after that fight; things are never the same w them

- the night they broke up is at some sort of event that Squilliam had been looking forward to for a while, some kind of business party his parents were going to and Squid is his plus one (“as my best friend, of course” he lied due to the time period), and before going in reminds Squid to “just not embarrass me tonight, ok? <3” and “just let me do all the talking,” translating to: “don’t bring up your job”

- Squid is basically arm candy all night until 1 (one) person was actually interested in including him in conversation and he got so comfortable and excited he forgot where he was, he mentioned something about a “coworker” which then whoever they were talking to was interested in what he does since he’s “so young” to start working, and he panics, lack of response very long and his stammering didn’t help, which Squilliam rolled his eyes and saved his ass with a perfect lie and Squid knew that was going to be a very long conversation for them later

- because of that, Squilliam pulls Squidward outside before moving on to the next person “for some fresh water, excuse us a moment (c:” and, well, things don’t turn out well, Squilliam saying that he nearly ruined the night and made a total fool of himself and Squid is fighting tears but something in his anger gives him a little bit of a backbone in the moment:

“That job has changed you, Squiddy.”

“No,” Squidward argues, interrupting anything else Squilliam planned to say. “It changed you. It changed us. All you’ve done is insult me since you found out about it! That’s why I didn’t want to tell you in the first place!”

“I’m trying to help you, Squiddy!” Squilliam snaps, his expression softening. “You really wanted to hide that from me?”

“Yes!” Squidward retorts, face growing hot with anger. “You’re not trying to help me at all! You’re just belittling me because you can’t accept that I have a far different life than yours!—or, maybe, because you enjoy having some kind of power over me, and you can’t stand that I’m even something of my own person that I don’t need you!”

- Squidward was right about the last part, but even Squilliam didn’t realize it yet, not until a while after the breakup when he was the drum major their junior year and he was able to call out and humiliate Squidward at just about any point in time (except, of course, during an actual performance, but class and rehearsals were free reign), and he enjoyed feeding off of his humiliation and misery, mostly as something for “payback” for what he said (and for breaking up w him)

- due to all of Squid’s friends and acquaintances coming from being so inseparable from Squilliam, he became totally isolated for the rest of high school, nobody knowing about their breakup at all since, again, period-typical homophobia to fear

- coming from school and straight to work, Squid was miserable more and more each day and Krabs and Jim don’t know what happened but they do know it’s bad enough that he went from being so bubbly to hardly lifting his head from the floor

- Squidward was 20 when Krabs adopted 1-year-old Pearl, and while he’d gotten better since he graduated high school, he still isn’t looking too great, and soon fell a perfect opportunity for both: Squidward needed a pick-me-up, Krabs needed a babysitter

- Squidward was incredibly nervous the first time he watched over Pearl, especially being an only child and none of his cousins being even remotely his age which leaves him with absolutely no baby experience, but Krabs gave him written instructions and went over them before taking off for the day, and that was that

- Krabs especially knew he made a great decision when he came home to the lights off and Squidward passed out on the couch, Pearl sleeping quietly on his chest, with some little kid movie playing quietly in the background

- Squidward woke up when Krabs picked Pearl up off his chest, flustered and embarrassed in fear of overstaying his welcome but Krabs interrupts his startled rambling with, “Could we see you again next weekend, Mr. Squidward?”

- Squidward is notably less miserable at work every time he babysits

- years pass (present), obviously they’re older now and Squilliam has realized what he did wrong but he still enjoys feeding off of Squid’s humiliation and misery and he wants a redo so bad or at least to get what they had before Squid started at the Krusty Krab, but y’know continuously torturing your ex isn’t any way to win them back over

- Squidward also now likes SpongeBob but he’s so scared to date again and as he got older he’s been using anger as a defense mechanism and he’s so afraid of being vulnerable, especially now that Sponge knows so much about him that he didn’t want to share and he just has this way of getting anyone to spill whatever baggage they have and Squidward hates that and it’s only another thing that bothers him so much about SpongeBob

- Squilliam was never told about it, but he doesn’t need to; he just sees it, and he can’t stand looking at them together bc it’s almost just like how he and Squidward were when they started dating and it absolutely kills him that he can’t get that back, especially since Squidward isn’t the happy bubbly one anymore and he’s almost positive it’s his fault

Bonus:

- SpongeBob is also into Squidward and knows at least something about his and Squilliam’s past but at the very least he knows Squidward’s been hurt and he knows to wait for Squid to make the first move so that he knows he’s ready

Also uhh by the way if you use these for anything (writing, art, whatever) feel free to reblog/DM/whatever w it bc I’d love to see it :]

#squillward #squidward #squilliam fancyson #squidbob #spongebob hcs #sbsp #bitter exes #krusty krab #Krusty Krab timeline #long post #tj shares

[gwydionmisha]

Re: Tyre Nichols.

Yes, I've watched the footage and it is legitimately devastating and I suspect the worst thing of this kind I've seen.  I do feel a duty to witness, especially because of what I do in this space.  At the same time, I am deeply concerned about the effect on people of seeing police brutal beat an unarmed, terrified person they had already entirely at their mercy to death.  It took him another three days to die, but this is murder, and I don't think that commentators calling it torture and terrorism and state sponsored violence are wrong.

They did it because they could, and absolutely nothing that young man did provoked it and nothing he could have done could have stopped it.  Those police did it because they wanted to plain and simple.  they couldn't tell him why they stopped him.  They refused to tell him anything he did wrong or why they were arresting and beating him to death about 80 yards from home.  They refuse to produce any evidence of a crime Mr. Nichols could have committed, likely because there is none.

This is what happens when the right to murder with impunity is considered a perk for joining the police.  If free reign to murder is the selling point for a job only monsters will stay in that job.

Police culture is corrupt top to bottom.  It needs to be torn down and something better put in it's place.  (I've written before about what that better system would look like, and places working on a whole community model where poverty and mental health are addressed, where the goal is to prevent crimes of poverty and desperation by meeting people's basic needs, where when things do occur there is mental health and addiction diversion, where justice works on a restitution and rehabilitation model instead of a punishment and revenge model, and the goal for offenders who do real harm is to do what is possible to humanely rehabilitate people if they can be helped.  I do think there are some people it is not safe to release.  I'm not convinced that state sponsored violence behind bars is healthy for us as a culture.  Trust me, I get why my mother wished we had the death penalty in my state for single premeditated murder, but I feel differently.  I'm glad Skye's murderer is sorry.  I'm glad he is doing a good long stretch, but I don't think keeping him in there forever or killing him is right, and I hope they gave him access to mental health services in there.  I hope there was some kind of anger management program.  I wish there was some sort of planning for people like him when they get out.  I'd rather we pay to help violent criminals not be violent anymore than simply brutalize people like him for twenty years and let them loose, because he pretty clearly did need good psychiatric care to learn to live with it, to be better instead of worse when he gets out.  Yes, he's still in there.  I have victim notification, though I suspect we are moving into the parole zone.  do yes, the issue is real and personal and I am still furious Skye isn't here because some idiot decided bullets were better than words, but I'd still rather live under a government that didn't do terrible things in my name.)

I am endlessly furious that tax payer money funds state sponsored terrorism against our own people, that all our hands are stained with blood.  I have believed that the police are just another form of organized crime, since I was old enough to understand.  There are no good cops in a system like this.  There can't be because the ones who go in wanting to change it from with in, generally get fired for whistle blowing or get corrupted by cop culture.

I have been trying to pick which coverage to put up in this space, because I feel like what happened is important for people to know about what happened, but I also don't want to brutalize people with images they are not in the right place to see.  To witness directly or not to witness is an incredibly personal decision and whatever you chose I do not judge that choice.

I intended to post things either early Saturday morning or late Saturday night, but I am wrung out from emotion and the med change and I have had far too little sleep and Friday and particularly Saturday were for more physically strenuous than my body can handle.  I burnt through every spoon I have.  Because of the way I work at this, I was prepping and reading and watching footage and coverage Friday in small chunks in between posting things I'd already prepped, because, honestly, it's not good for me to do things like police murders and mass shootings and wars all at once.  

Sunday, I am going to have to rest.  I have nothing left.  This is a hard limit.  I have an obligation Monday, but I will try to work on getting the Memphis coverage and the aggregate up, hopefully by Tuesday morning bedtime.

I am sorry.

#Tyre Nichols #Police Murder #State Sponsored Violence #Memphis #News

[limmastyles]

Now that we have confirmation that little freak and boyfriend were written for a fine line why in the world is Harry still putting songs about his ex girlfriend on his new album? If he’s so happy with Olivia and they were so in love as everyone else likes to claim except for him why in the world is he still Putting songs that he wrote years ago on his new album? Olivia sits in that stadium every other night and dances around songs that aren’t about her but about a woman that she creepily tries to look like. It’s very odd. If I was Olivia and I had to be at a concert multiple times a week where my “boyfriend” is singing songs about another girl and on his new album there are multiple songs that are about her and none of them are about me I would be fucking pissed. If I was Olivia and I am talking about how in love I am with someone and how I want to keep our relationship private and how I didn’t leave my fiancé of 10 years who is your two kids with for this man and he turns around and in the same interview claims that he’s never been in a public relationship I would be fucking pissed. if I was Olivia and every single day I am subjected to hate, abuse, and ridicule and vitriol from my boyfriends Fanbase to the point where I can’t post my kids on social media because they are being harassed, made fun of and have death read sent to them, I have to turn off my Instagram posts because people constantly compare me to his younger and prettier girlfriends and send me hate on a daily basis to the point where I have to stop using social media all together and he does nothing to defend me I would be pissed. If I was getting abused and heat on by his Fanbase every single day and he would rather clear up a rumour of him not spitting on someone then to come to my defence I would be pissed. If I for the last year And a half have put my own life and career on hold to follow this man all over the world to be with him as much as I could and to basically abandoned my entire life to live a life that is more convenient for him and for him to refuse to claim he would piss me off. We all know if the relationship between Harry and Olivia is a stunt and it’s not real but if it was this man proves on a daily basis that he does not give a fuck about her. Her and her children and everyone that she’s associated with get hate on a daily basis and instead of checking his fans or correcting narratives that make them both look really bad he chooses to dispel a rumour about him spitting on Chris pine. At the end of the day we all know whether or not this relationship is real(it’s not) It’s going to come to an end soon and he’s the one who’s going to escape with his reputation still somewhat intact. Olivia is being called a bad mother, a bad Director, and her professional reputation has been put to question. Florence has an interacted with hairy whatsoever. She even posted a picture of Olivia and none of Harry and nobody has questioning what happened between the two of them. Here is the one who’s going to walk away from this in good light and Olivia will always have this big stain on her reputation because of Harry. When the relationship is over his fans will eventually turn on her like they all do and when that happens she will realize just how bad it is to be associated with Harry styles. A majority of the fans already don’t like her but once the relationship is over all of the fans who adore her and all of the Holivia stans will turn on her because at the end of the day they are hairy fans first. When it comes to picking sides they will always pick Harries and the people who have been defending her over the last year and a half will now be the ones who hate her the most. It happened to Taylor, it happened to Kendall, it happened to Camille and it’s going to happen to Olivia. The problem is she’s not a candle or a Taylor who is already famous enough for people to already care about her. She will fade back into obscurity with this reputation and staying on her name and career and she will then realize that the stunt did more bad than good.

#fauxlivia #holivia is fake #holivia stunt #pr stunt #publicitystunt #holivia #pr relationships #holivia pr stunt #olivia wilde #publicity stunt

[sunhalf]

okay!  in light of the khdr finale, i’ve got some rewriting to do (  nomura you motherfucker  ).  below the cut is half - headcanon, half - me - just - talking about what this means for my muses, specifically hana and skuld.  spoilers, obviously.

so, hana.  WOOO.  the finale reveals that the player, rather than possessing or reincarnating as or hitching a heart - ride on baby xehanort, they instead hitched a ride with someone else in scala ad caelum, who ended growing into the blue - cloaked figure who takes xehanort to destiny island.  last night i was so pissed about this but now that i’ve had some time, i actually really like it!  it’s a different flavor of tragic; the player, through no fault or cruelty of their own, primed a child to be a hero and, in doing so, lead not only to that child’s destruction but also the the suffering of many people the player loved.

like, i cannot overstate how clear it is that baby xehanort seems like such a good kid.  he seems like such a good kid until the very end.  if the player hadn’t taken him from scala, he would have lived a normal life, been a normal, good person.  instead, because hana was trying to turn this child into a hero with which to save the world, because hana was — for only the best reasons — trying to use a child to save something, she did unimaginable harm.  the player set xehanort on this path, and even if he hadn’t broken under the weight of it and turned badguy, she still took a little boy from his mother and raised him for a role she knew would put him through immense, grievous suffering.  there’s a neat ava parallel here, i think!

also, i think the player basically being xehanort’s parent is so cute.  the little cuddles....

this all aside, i like my hana - as - xehanort hc too much to give it up.  i like the stuff i’ve done for it and i like the ‘nobody has ever loved you’ jokes and the misery inherent in marluxia and larxene talking about how xehanort doesn’t care about them.  i refuse to sacrifice all that!  if i have to make hana a lil canon divergent so be it.

anyway, so my current hana stuff — hana did reincarnate, first, into a baby in cala ad scaelum, long before xehanort was born.  (  aside, but the player’s ‘second life’ talk suggests i get to see hana again for missing link, which is fun.  )   this new life raised xehanort as we see the cloaked figure do, taking him from his mother and bringing him to the islands.

here’s where we get into the divergencies.  nomura said in the accompanying interview that when someone disappears in kh, their heart doesn’t cease to exist, it just joins with another.  i don’t know if this is true of all people, or only of those with strong wills, or whatever.  i do assume, with the vast, vast majority of people, there’s no will or self to that heart; it’s functionally still a true death.  but the player is very different.

so when the cloaked figure/player dies, the player’s heart jumps ship again, this time tying itself to xehanort — you can even see their heart floating towards xehanort when they die!  i’m grasping as straws, but you know.  the player and xehanort’s hearts are already super linked, given that xehanort shows a depth of ability to read the player’s heart beyond what we see him being capable of for anyone else.  if nobody’s heart disappears when they die, then hana gets to go on another ride.

from here, stuff is fairly in line with existing writing.  hana is only half - aware of their time as a part of xehanort’s heart.  when he’s killed, they’re freed and reformed, either in the gardens or quadratum depending on the verse.  they’ve got even more guilt to accumulate once their memories come back; not only did they do grievous harm to their friends, they set a child on a path that ended with grievous suffering.

as for skuld — the game has implied that skuld is related in some way to xehanort’s mother.  it also makes it clear that xehanort is descended from ephemer!  the obvious headcanons here are that either skuld and eph reunited at some point and had kids, or that their descendents did.  either of these throws a wrench into the skuld as x theory, which i am very attached to.  (  come on!  she has star earrings!  )  i’ve always held space for that theory to be wrong, but if it is then ava’s probably x and i just do not give even the slightest shit about ava anymore so i don’t want that.  (  who knows, maybe if she is x that’ll change.  )

granted, this is nomura.  xehanort’s mom would easily be a fucking clone or a nobody or something.  who fucking knows.

anyway, for now i’m sticking with skuld as x, and will likely stick with it as an AU even if it ends up being noncanon.  i’m attached!

#hana : headcanon. #skuld : headcanon. #queue.

[ladymariayuri]

Hi smiles weakly. Making this post just to pin and not reblog. Not life or death emergency but life kind of sucks right now. I hate to e beg but at my wits end.

My dad is kicking me out of the house and refuses to financially support me in any way besides college tuition. I was kicked out to my moms but she can’t support me either since she is disabled. My only option is to go back to college next month which I didn’t want to do since I will have no money to sustain myself on a day to day basis and it was wrecking my mental health last year but it’s all I have left. My dads house is utterly toxic and i am basically berated and treated like shit compared to mystep siblings. I’m not allowed to have my car, phone, or computer unless I live on a college campus. My mom lives on disability and has mental breakdowns that make her somewhat of a threat to herself and anybody nearby. So this is my last resort in some weird, hilariously ass backwards way.

My mother will chip in when she can along with some of her side of the family but I still need to buy some necessities while on campus. This being some food but not all, gas for my car, my adhd medication which has to be mailed to me from my dads to my campus 3 hours away, and a data plan for my phone. I need data for my phone in order to contact people and it is my substitute for a laptop which my college classes require while in person sometimes. I only need a smart device, which was my phone, and my computer is a desktop I have to keep in my dorm.

I have autism, severe adhd and depression, anxiety, a plethora of things which makes me somewhat disabled and it fucking blows. The entire reason I’ve lost financial support from my dad is because of these diagnoses being made official. Move in day is a month away and I can’t get a job to scrape up money since it’s so close + no car and no phone. I am literally using my moms phone to type this.

I don’t want anybody who is struggling themselves to give me money since I’m still fortunate enough to even have tuition paid for and my moms family is helping how they can, but I really don’t want my time at college to be worse than it has to be, and I don’t want to starve there, be trapped with no gas, no smart device for my classes, etc. but I’d appreciate anything sent my way as long as you are safe and secure enough to do so.

blue money giving app with pal in the name username is /hal7401. I can’t even accept the money on the app until august when I have my computer set up, fair warning.

E begging bruises my ego and I don’t want to accept things for free so I can try to do things in return. I’m not a great artist but I can make silly ms paint doodles for laughs. I type extremely fucking fast so I can caption a YouTube video for you or something. My strong point is video games! I’ve logged into people’s accounts on g*nsh/in to do their daily chores before and I’d be happy to do that as well. I can level ur ov*rwatch account to 25 or SR boost up to 3500 or a little higher on tank or support, I’ve done this dozens of times on my own free time as a side hustle. I can theoretically do up to 4400 but I’m washed. I can duo queue boost in wow with leveling or mythic+ up to whatever, never done that before but I was 2500 on dps in season 2. Those are just some examples and again I can’t really do any of these until late august.

Anyway I don’t really want people to reblog since I’d feel weird about it but if you’re so inclined to you can. I’d appreciate anything at all but please make sure you’re okay before me :)

[spicycoffeebean]

If you don't want to answer that's COMPLETELY fine and you can ignore this entirely, but if your comfort zone permits: I happened across your tag and am. curious how someone could use reddit to try and get someone to detransition. Like, do you mean she made a post about it to get people agreeing with her or??

Hi Anon! I'll be honest and say I'm glad somebody took notice enough to actually ask. Because I still refuse to believe it happened.

No! She did not make a Reddit post. She just sent me several posts from r/detrans to get me to detransition.

More below the cut! Idk how long this will be, but cw for transphobia and all around shitty/questionable behavior

For those who don't know (I can't track down the post, but I commented in tags) my own mother (60) has been very actively against my transition (ftm) since I began taking testosterone in November 2021(I have been openly trans and using he/him prns since 2018, so it's not like any of this was "new" information to her) On top of blatant misinformation, my mom tried to source REDDIT, the detransitioner's subreddit to prove that yes, people do detransition. Never once denied her that. My issue here is that no, she did not make a post, she was ~browsing~ the detransitioner subreddit r/detrans to push me to detransition. She was "sourcing" it (I wanna say she said in the same conversation that she doesn't trust sites that have LGBTQ+ flags despite the statistics being very real and very present. I'm an analytics/statistics student.)

I have a million issues with this, but very simply, she is using people's struggles and real trauma to fuel a transphobic agenda to get me to detransition (I was so much happier when I chose to be openly trans let alone when I actually started T last year.) If you actually read the subreddit, 99% of those stories are OP saying "Transitioning did not work for me" but not once do they denounce transitioning. They make it clear that their experiences with it did not work out.

“I talk to detransitioners all of the time” she said “Why don’t you talk to a real trans person?” I asked her “Because I know their story.” is what she said word for word Bitch I’m trans and I don’t know trans people’s stories. I just am trans?? I made it super easy for her. Talk to a doctor or a real trans person. She makes any excuse to NOT DO THIS. A cisgender doctor in California will tell you that you are out right wrong and doing more harm than any good you might see from it.

Less than 1% of people detransition, and the majority of those who detransition ARE STILL UNHAPPY. Even then a handful of people detransition because of society, family, or something simple as healthcare. People are denied healthcare because doctors don't want to provide basic care to a transgender person. (I live in the US where this practice would be illegal) My mother acts like I myself deny that people detransition while she literally won't acknowledge WHY people detransition at all. LGBT clinics are apparently shutting down in the UK, Norway, Sweden etc. Yeah cool cisgender people are losing healthcare too. But apparently that doesn't matter. My brother's(cis) bisexual and he could be denied care if he lived in such a place. I don't think she'd take kindly to that, knowing she was the most supportive when my brother came out well over 10 years ago.

I do not want my story or trauma to be used as fuel for a fire to hurt somebody else. I doubt any of these detransitioners would be happy knowing this either. Their stories are not for my mother to tell

anyway she sends me to college(to study analytics/statistics lol??) and insists I'm brainwashed and need an autism diagnosis(YES, SHE ASKED ME 3 TIMES TO GET ONE. NO I JUST HAVE ADHD. I ASKED DOCTORS FOR 5 YEARS ABT IT LOL)

She's just in denial she spent 1 million usd and 2 years of paperwork on a China doll because "[She] didn't want to try for another son" I was told this my entire childhood and it's haunting me almost every day now.

That's the super dumbed-down version of that Reddit comment. Let alone EVERYTHING ELSE she put me through the last 14 months.

TLDR; She did not make a post to get people to agree with her, she was just taking people's stories and struggles to fuel a hate agenda detransitioners themselves do not agree with (she cannot read.)

#SO YEAH IF YALL WERE WONDERING HOW I WAS DOING LOL #Please feel free to ask more on the matter #I may use all of this to construct an essay explaining to the rest of my family why I'm never going home #ON TOP OF THAT #i asked her 'will you refer to me as a man' #her response was 'no that would be lying' #so if yall wondering why im in a persistently shitty mood its bc my family abandoned me #i couldnt go home for christmas for the last two years #i almost spent this last year of christmas by myself. but i was invited by a coworker bc he knew i would be alone #don't mask or change who you are to please a family that wont love who you truly are #there are people out there who love you. #any fellow lgbtq+ followers youre more than welcome to message me if youre struggling #i will be your new dad #dai's mahjong puns #text #asks #long post / #transphobia #ask to tag #literally none of it felt real #i love my mom. i do. she's not a 'bad' person. shes just FUCKING STUPID #anonymous #anon

[kagetsukai]

I posted 541 times in 2022

13 posts created (2%)

528 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@jellydishes

@feralgoblintea

@heroofshield

@mapplestrudel

@out-of-the-embers

I tagged 473 of my posts in 2022

Only 13% of my posts had no tags

#avenue queue - 425 posts

#dragon age - 65 posts

#art rec - 58 posts

#da:i - 37 posts

#signal boost - 32 posts

#i'm wheezing - 32 posts

#cullen rutherford - 28 posts

#commander handsome - 26 posts

#humor - 22 posts

#love it - 15 posts

Longest Tag: 103 characters

#every other flavor of white person i know (in europe) would rather die than have their guests be hungry

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Someone just tried to “shame” me for reblogging a hospital color theory post

Sir, we’re both on Tumblr in the year of our lord Beyonce 2022 and YOU are calling ME out for being cringe? Baby, that ship has sailed a LONG time ago. Get with the program. We’re all cringe here, but you in particular. Have a nice day 😘

6 notes - Posted April 16, 2022

#4

Well... I guess I’m middle-aged now.

7 notes - Posted June 22, 2022

#3

The reason it’s hard for me to be a person who is positive about the future is because anytime my life starts looking up and maybe things start falling into place, something huge and negative shows up and knocks me the fuck down. I always have, and continue to, merely keep my head above water.

7 notes - Posted March 30, 2022

#2

End of the year writing round up

I was tagged by @barbex​ and @roguelioness​

Overview: This year I mostly stepped away from writing for Dragon Age after a series of unfortunate events that made me bitter about the fandom. I kind of started writing a fic for The Wayhaven Chronicles, but the story uses so little of canon that it might as well be an original at this point. That being said, I did write a fair bit of it and I’m quite proud.

As you can see, I wrote 72K words last year and I am thrilled, because it’s the most I’ve written in one year, ever - by about 20k words. As a bonus, here’s the percentages of how often I wrote in the last year. It’s not great, but it sure is better than 2020. Go me!

See the full post

9 notes - Posted January 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

This was supposed to be a time of excitement and hope for the future. Instead, it’s become a nightmare.

About three weeks ago I finally made the decision to separate from the man I was living with. After several years of living like casual roommates, he was still blindsided when I told him I wanted to move out away from him, as if our relationship hadn’t been the worst joke in existence. Alas, after some sulking and some FB dramatics on his part, I was excited to move on. I was looking at new places to move into.

And then I found out my mother had a serious fall and had cracked her head enough to not be able to speak for a day. This stubborn woman had *refused* to go get it checked out and it wasn’t before I yelled at her that she chose to go get tested. It wasn’t until the day after that I found she had been admitted to the hospital. It wasn’t until the day after that I got the worse news of my entire life.

My mom has brain cancer.

The doctors are convinced that based on imaging they’ve done, the cancer had come from a different part of her body, but before they could give her all the testing to find out, she refused treatment, refused further testing, and went home. She hasn’t worked since the hospital stay and has been struggling to pick up things, or take care of basic needs.

I am still in shock, tbh, but I’m not afforded the luxury of processing my own emotions because suddenly she’s deteriorating at an exceeding pace and it looks like she might not have a lot of time.

In the meantime, I was approved for a wonderful one-bedroom apartment that looks absolutely *lovely*, but it’s incredibly hard to celebrate this new chapter of my life when it looks like I’m going to have yet another reason to hate my June birthday.

I don’t think I can explain more. All I can think about is the dry details, the information, the things that require logical parsing of what’s going on, because the moment I think about what I feel, I’m both numb AND like I’m about to break. None of it feels real, all while it’s way TOO real.

11 notes - Posted April 3, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[sunhalf-a]

okay!  in light of the khdr finale, i’ve got some rewriting to do (  nomura you motherfucker  ).  below the cut is half - headcanon, half - me - just - talking about what this means for my muses, specifically hana and skuld.  spoilers, obviously.

so, hana.  WOOO.  the finale reveals that the player, rather than possessing or reincarnating or hitching a heart - ride on baby xehanort, they instead hitched a ride with someone else in scala ad caelum, who ended growing into the blue - cloaked figure who takes xehanort to destiny island.  last night i was so pissed about this but now that i’ve had some time, i actually really like it!  it’s a different flavor of tragic; the player, through no fault or cruelty of their own, primed a child to be a hero and, in doing so, lead not only to that child’s destruction but also the the suffering of many people the player loved.

like, i cannot overstate how clear it is that baby xehanort seems like such a good kid.  he seems like such a good kid until the very end.  if the player hadn’t taken him from scala, he would have lived a normal life, been a normal, good person.  instead, because hana was trying to turn this child into a hero with which to save the world, because hana was — for only the best reasons — trying to use a child to save something, she did unimaginable harm.  the player set xehanort on this path, and even if he hadn’t broken under the weight of it and turned evil, she still took a little boy from his mother and raised him for a role she knew would put him through immense, grievous suffering.  there’s a neat ava parallel here, i think!

also, i think the player basically being xehanort’s parent is so cute.  the little cuddles....

this all aside, i like my hana - as - xehanort hc too much to give it up.  i like the stuff i’ve done for it and i like the ‘nobody has ever loved you’ jokes and the misery inherent in marluxia and larxene talking about how xehanort doesn’t care about them.  i refuse to sacrifice all that!  if i have to make hana a lil canon divergent so be it.

anyway, so my current hana stuff — hana did reincarnate, first, into a baby in cala ad scaelum, long before xehanort was born.  (  aside, but the player’s ‘second life’ talk suggests i get to see hana again for missing link, which is fun.  )   this new life raised xehanort as we see the cloaked figure do, taking him from his mother and bringing him to the islands.

here’s where we get into the divergencies.  nomura said in the accompanying interview that when someone disappears in kh, their heart doesn’t cease to exist, it just joins with another.  i don’t know if this is true of all people, or only of those with strong wills, or whatever.  i do assume, with the vast, vast majority of people, there’s no will or self to that heart; it’s functionally still a true death.  but the player is very different.

so when the cloaked figure/player dies, the player’s heart jumps ship again, this time tying itself to xehanort — you can even see their heart floating towards xehanort when they die!  i’m grasping as straws, but you know.  the player and xehanort’s hearts are already super linked, given that xehanort shows a depth of ability to read the player’s heart beyond what we see him being capable of for anyone else.  if nobody’s heart disappears when they die, then hana gets to go on another ride.

from here, stuff is fairly in line with existing stuff.  hana is only half - aware of their time as a part of xehanort’s heart.  when he’s killed, they’re freed and reformed, either in the gardens or quadratum depending on the verse.  they’ve got even more guilt to accumulate once their memories come back; not only did they do grievous harm to their friends, they set a child on a path that ended with grievous suffering.

as for skuld — the game has implied that skuld is related in some way to xehanort’s mother.  it also makes it clear that xehanort is descended from ephemer!  the obvious headcanons here are that either skuld and eph reunited at some point and had kids, or that their descendents did.  either of these throws a wrench into the skuld as x theory, which i am very attached to.  (  come on!  she has star earrings!  )  i’ve always held space for that theory to be wrong, but if it is then ava’s probably x and i just do not give even the slightest shit about ava anymore so i don’t want that.  (  who knows, maybe if she is x that’ll change.  )

granted, this is nomura.  xehanort’s mom would easily be a fucking clone or a nobody or something.  who fucking knows.

anyway, for now i’m sticking with skuld as x, and will likely stick with it as an AU even if it ends up being noncanon.  i’m attached!

anyway, to end off, a little guy:

#✦ * hana — headcanon. #skuld stuff too but not rly a hc #poor xehanort he was such a good kid

[horrorxweasley]

MASSIVE RANT INCOMING

Ok so, I share quite a bit of my life on Tumblr here because it is my only escape to rant everything going on in my life so it doesn’t bottle up. I do this also because I am basically anonymous on here only a few of my mutuals know what I look like/who I am.

This week has been the most fucking infuriating week I've ever had. 

I’ve shared on here that my boyfriend recently had a stroke and is currently recovering, he also has a congenital heart condition which a metal valve was placed to stop him from dying basically.

At the start of our relationship I made it my mission to research and understand as much of his heart condition as I could so I would understand his needs and how his body works. I started a note on my phone with all of this information. Same goes for when he had the stroke I made it my mission to know everything I can about strokes in relation to him and his other conditions. 

I’m putting it out there that I struggle pretty severely with my mental health and as you might imagine taking aboard all of this stuff is pretty extreme and is making my overthinking so much worse than it already was. So I get upset pretty easily and have panic attacks a lot.

Well, on Wednesday I was at his house, his parents were in and he had a hospital appointment. I was having a panic attack and his dad called us down ‘’for a talk’’ despite us both being adults (his parents treat us like children) to which I was already upset and not in the mood for so I refused to go down. My bf went down without me and says that I was upset so I wouldn’t come down.

I HEAR HIS FUCKING PARENTS SAY 

“How can she STILL be upset, you had a stroke what a month ago she's no right or reason to be upset now. If she’s still getting upset maybe you should rethink her” 

EX FUCKING CUSE ME SO YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT I’M NOT ALLOWED TO BE UPSET OVER MY BF HAVING A STROKE BECAUSE IT WAS A FEW WEEKS AGO AND THAT I’M NOT ALLOWED TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT HIS HEALTH HOW DARE YOU SAY I HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE UPSET I HAVE JUST WENT THROUGH SOMETHING THAT MOST TEENAGERS/PEOPLE IN GENERAL DONT HAVE TO GO THROUGH UNTIL THEYRE LIKE FUCKING 70 YEARS OLD

So I go down stairs raging and they start to insult me, 2 grown adults start to insult their sons adult girlfriend.

They said that I basically don’t care about his health and don’t want him to live to his next birthday. 

That’s really funny to me because I am the ONLY person that cares for him, I go down 40 miles away from my home to care for THEIR son, while they fuck off 2 hours away to their caravan for 5 days. 

I was the one that phoned the ambulance despite my bf telling me NOT TO

I am the one that reminds him to take all of his medications

I am the one who helps him do his physio

I am the one who writes down what and how much medicine he takes

I am the one that writes down what his blood viscosity is

I am the one that cleans THEIR house when he’s puffed out and done too much

I am the one that cooks not only mine and my boyfriends dinner but also his BROTHERS DINNER WHO IS THE SAME AGE AS ME

I am the one that sacrifices my own mental and physical health to go down to the arsehole of Scotland to do all this

I am the one that moves away from my ill Gran (who I also care for the only other 2 days I'm free) to look after THEIR son

They said that because my bf wanted to come up to my house for a break from his psychotic twisted parents that he needed his head checked and then went on to say that ‘’you’re not the only one that needs your head checked son’’ referring to me and my mother that have done nothing but support and help my boyfriend.

They then told me that if I had any respect or cared about my boyfriends health that I should consult his parents before doing anything with him

MY BOYFRIEND IS TWENTY FUCKING THREE YEARS OLD HE IS A GROWN ASS MAN I AM NOT CONSULTING HIS PARENTS LIKE WE’RE FUCKING CHILDREN 

Honestly I never liked his parents because of how they treated us and how they treated him in particular it is so fucked up but that just made me HATE the fuckers now I never use the word hate lightly but I genuinely HATE them now.

My bf apparently had a word with them and said how horrible they were to me and that I was already uncomfortable in that house but now they made me not want to go back. 

GUESS WHAT THEY SAID

‘’oh we didn’t mean the things we said she took it the wrong way we didn’t mean that’’

SO WHAT DID YOU NOT MEAN

when you said I didn’t care about my bf’s health conditions

when you said I needed my head checked

when you said I had to basically be a child and ask my 23 yro bf’s parents if we can go out and do things

when you said I was trying to kill him??

WHAT ONE DID YOU NOT MEAN OR WHAT ONE DID I TAKE THE WRONG WAY BECAUSE THESE SEEM PRETTY TRANSPARENT IN MEANING TO ME

anyways that's the rant over I'm honestly just really pissed off 

#rachel rants #rachel talks

[percontaion-points]

Everlife chapter 18

Today's review might be difficult for some; reader discretion is advised

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Chapter 18

Maybe I should have followed Alejandro’s orders before this started. Maybe I should have gone to the warehouse and done everything in my power to save Sloan and cleanse the infected humans. Would Ying Wo Ling still live? Would Alejandro be with his people? 

And then what? If Ten had participated in that battle, she would then have to turn around and go fight another battle. And then another. And then another. And then… 

No matter if you think that Ten is actually going to achieve her goal, she’s actually working towards literally any kind of long-term cease-fire here. She’s not simply showing up to fight a battle for the sake of fighting the battle. 

No matter Lina’s age, though, Looney Lina acted five years old. The milky film over her eyes blinded her, whether physically or psychologically, but only to the present.

This is literally the first time that I’m hearing that Lina is supposed to be blind.

The woman literally removed a microchip from Ten in the first book. With surgical precision, I might add! 

But sure. She’s blind. 

With a snarl, he reaches through the cage, and though he can’t touch me, his shadows can; they extend from his fingertips to wrap around my neck and squeeze. As I fight for air…

If you’re dead, why do you need to breathe? 

Daddy loves me. Daddy loves me not. Loves me. Loves me not.

Daddy dearest would have sold out his own daughter to Satan for one corn chip crumb. I don’t think that this man knows the meaning of the word love. 

“You destroyed my Firstlife. It’s nice to see you’re finally getting what you deserve.”

Um… You did that all by yourself. Zero sympathy, dude. 

“Won’t I? She attempted to defect to Troika, a terrible crime. As punishment, she was placed in the Kennels until early this morning, when she was gifted to me. I’m allowed to harm her however I wish.” 

“Gifted to you? As if she’s a pair of shoes?” Does any life other than his own hold any meaning to him?

Sweetie, most of us figured out that your father is a raging narcissist when we learned why you were literally being raped and tortured in an asylum in Russia simply so that he could have a nice afterlife. 

“You have no one but yourself to blame.”

Chapter 18 summary: Javier takes Ten through the cities, screaming out who she is for everybody to hear. People boo and throw things at her. Ten mopes, and then she gets a bit of light from Jeremy. He isn’t a conduit, mainly because I think that there is an age limit on that sort of thing. But he’s still able to fill her with healing light because she’s his sister and he loves her, no matter what. This reminds Ten that love is a powerful thing, and she holds this over Javier’s head. 

Lina briefly shows up, but disappears before she can say or do anything. I don’t know what this accomplished except to remind the readers that this subplot and Lina’s predictions are still on the table. 

Dior shows up, and she looks terrible. She begs Javier to stop. But then she tells Ten that her father is coming. 

And he shows up, and basically lords over her all of these shitty obligations that children should be expected to do for their parents. But Ten is also like “You had me locked up because I refused to obey you.” He has his wife/her mother on a chain like a dog, and says that mommy dearest refuses to obey, even now. He threatens to kill her, and when Ten continues to remind him of how shitty he is, he slits mom’s throat and tells Ten that this is all her fault. 

#everlife #everlife series #bookblr #readers of tumblr #book review #scifi #dystopia #ya novels #romance novels #religious imagery