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wen-kexing-apologist · 29 days

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Unknown, Ep 10: Qian and Yuan

I’ve had a few people ask if I was going to do a breakdown post for the final scene between Qian and Yuan. Admittedly, I was not planning on doing so, but I like the attention 😈 so I will!

Last we left off, Qian and San Pang were having a very difficult conversation, San Pang forced Qian to think about the future and was kicked out as a result.

We start with a moment with each character to themselves. Qian closes the door behind San Pang and we see him hand at the door for a second, head hung in a way that feels very tired. He walks away from the door back to the couch to grab his glasses and wrap up the evening, when the camera cuts to Yuan sitting on the staircase, just out of sight of Qian.

We see Yuan look up at the ceiling, take a deep breath, and then slowly move his eyes back to center. He is processing everything that he just heard from San Pang and Qian. Yuan is trying to keep himself composed here, he knows that Qian will be heading up the stairs eventually and so he stays seated because he wants Qian to know that he heard everything. Because Yuan is fucking mad.

Qian heads up the stairs and we get, what could not be a more perfect little deer in headlights look from Qian as he processes that Yuan has heard everything. And I do love what this show does in how it portrays its characters because Yuan is still Qian’s little brother, and his face in the camera looks like that of an upset little kid. “Xiao Yuan,” Qian says as Yuan stands up and rushes down the stairs. In such a quick moment, Chris rolls his eyes, looks up, and then down like Qian is annoyed at Yuan’s behavior while knowing that he is absolutely going to have to be the one to handle it.

Yuan brushes past him, but Qian immediately turns and follows after him, calls after him, tells him to wait. But Yuan keeps walking. Where he’s going? I have no fucking clue, but it is clear that Qian’s words aren’t going to cut it. Yuan has heard everything that Qian told San Pang. He’s heard about Qian’s wish for their happiness, he’s heard San Pang tell Qian that they love each other, that they have tried everything to make them not love each other, and what he hasn’t heard is an answer to San Pang’s question:

“Do you want him to have a future without you?”

I don’t know exactly what (if any) part of the conversation acted as the tipping point for Yuan, but he has been pissed the entire episode about Qian hiding his medical stuff from him. So I can imagine that not hearing an answer from Qian about wanting to be in Yuan’s future might serve as a last straw kind of deal.

And it marks a very important change in Qian that he runs after Yuan this time, that he physically puts himself in front of Yuan to stop him. Because he doesn’t want Yuan to go somewhere to cool off the way he did during Yuan’s first confession four years prior. He doesn’t want to just wait it out. He actually wants to talk to Yuan about where his head is at. That is huge progress from Mr. Hit First Talk Later.

“Ge.” Yuan says, and then lets out a very big breath, like he’s trying to temper his feelings, but the frustration still bleeds out of him “It was never your fault,”

Ah, here we go. What set Yuan off is Qian talking with San Pang about the Russian Roulette, reading between the lines there and understanding that Qian is scared of giving in to his feelings for Yuan because he blames himself for how deeply, how steadfastly Yuan loves him. Yuan is willing to die for him, and Qian has never had that before. He’s scared of giving in to his feelings for Yuan because he is scared of losing Yuan, and he is scared that Yuan’s love for him means Yuan will be lost because of him.

“It was never your fault,” Yuan said and he put his hands on Qian’s shoulders.

I do not even know how to describe the look Qian gives Yuan when he heard those words, nor can I really tell you what emotion(s) Qian is feeling in that moment, but I can tell you that I am obsessed with that look on his face. It’s like his breath catches in his throat and there is an ambiguity there, just like there was a bit of ambiguity in the head nod he gave San Pang, because he’s out of breath from running after Yuan, but there is also this chance that the pause in his breathing there is because of what Yuan said. Anyway:

“Even though I know that in the end you might not want all that I’ve given-”

Yuan says, while Qian looks down in the direction of his shoulders, where Yuan’s hands were just a moment ago. They made excellent casting choices here, I actually think for this scene it is really important that Kurt is taller than Chris, because it adds some extra power to Yuan’s position for me here. The way Yuan looks down at Qian makes him seem even more pissed off about the entire situation, almost like he’s belittling Qian. He wants to dig a knife in here, and he’s being successful at it

“Hearing it first hand still hurts a little,”

And we are back in our original confession dynamic. Qian is not looking at Yuan, Yuan refuses to look away from Qian. Qian looks kind of out of it, I would say he is dissociating a little bit, but I actually think what is happening here is that Qian is getting hit with the full force of Yuan’s words. I think he is absorbing and processing everything that is being said and understanding how not making a decision is hurting Yuan. Mostly because of how quick his reaction time is to trying to stop Yuan from walking away immediately after he says it hurts.

“I’ll be fine. I just need some time.” Yuan says, and I do think he means it. I think when Yuan came back from the States he had reached a point where he could live without Qian changing their relationship status, even if he didn’t want to.

But as Yuan tries to walk away, Qian stops him.

“I didn’t mean it that way,” look at him using his words! Qian looks so fucking exhausted when he does. The world has weighed heavy on him for so long, he’s been fighting an internal battle with himself about his feelings for Yuan for ages. It’s a lot, and the way Chris holds Qian here makes it feel like a lot. But, Yuan finally settles, because Qian is willing to engage in conversation. He is trying to clarify a misunderstanding, he is not outright rejecting Yuan here, he is not running away from talking about his feelings for Yuan. And so Yuan can stay, because there is some hope left there for him to hold on to.

He releases another huge breath, he stretches for just a second, grounding himself. He looks back at Qian “Then what do you mean?”

Qian stares in to the void, then rolls his eyes upwards, closes his eyes, and sighs. Chris shakes his head a little, like Qian is giving up. Because he is giving up. Because Qian is about to say the words. He is about to admit that his feelings for Yuan aren’t clear cut. Yuan looks away from Qian in this moment, where Qian is getting himself together.

gifs by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

“I can’t really figure out if it is love or something else that my feelings for you are.” And at the end of this, he isn’t running from the words anymore, because he looks at Yuan and Yuan is looking back at him. When Yuan first admitted his feelings, his suffering caused Qian to avoid eye contact. When Yuan returned, Qian couldn’t stop looking at Yuan. When listening to Yuan once again speak to his feelings and tell Qian he was hurting, Qian started in his comfort zone, in the old habits of looking away. But when he is actually admitting his feelings to Yuan, he does turn to look him in the eye. He isn’t avoiding it anymore.

“Is it the love of a brother? Can we really turn it into romantic love? I don’t know.” Qian is finally having the conversation he has needed to have with Yuan. This is confusing, how do you separate your feelings out? How do you know? What happens if things don’t go well? How much are you set to lose if things devolve?”

Yuan is capable of holding, understanding, and pushing that nuance, we’ve seen him do it before at the river. “This thing between us, is it because you don’t want or you don’t dare?”

“Yes.” Qian says “All I know is I can’t live without you.”

Yuan has seen that, San Pang and Lili have seen that, we have seen that. Qian wants to be careful with how he proceeds along this path, and he is right to do so. Because it is hard to determine, when you have known someone so long, when you have raised them, when you have seen them as a brother, when you have not had love outside of the family before, when that love has existed the entire time, and has been different the entire time, and how do you recognize that when you are in it?

There is a pause.

“Four years later, you came back.”

There is another pause.

I love these pauses. I love Qian putting space between these thoughts, whether he is scrambling internally for what to say, or whether he is hesitant to voice them, I do not know. I just know that I love love love when directors allow for breathing room.

“I saw your letter of last words.”

Qian stops looking at Yuan here. Another little pause.

“That’s when I started to feel scared.”

The camera cuts to a wide shot, where both Qian and Yuan are visible. And we can see Yuan reacting to what Qian is saying. Yuan also is not making eye contact, he is fidgeting a little. But he is listening intently to Qian’s words. The blocking of this shot is interesting to me too, because the way that Chris is standing has Qian facing Yuan, but we don’t see enough of Chris’ eyes here, so while it looks like Qian is looking at Yuan, that is not necessarily the case. We have seen him look away multiple times and his head barely moves.

Qian is talking in to the void, and Yuan is picking up the signal. Another pause, and right before Qian continues talking, Yuan turns to look at him with this look of surprise on his face. His mouth is slightly agape, his eyes look soft staring at Qian.

“I’m terrified,” Qian says. “What if you had no chance to come back? I don’t know what I would do.”

Yuan looks at Qian, looks away, looks up like he is trying to decide how to feel. What type of treatment he should be giving to Qian at this moment. Should he be bitter, should he be harsh, should he be soft?

“Wei Qian.” Yuan says

AND I WILL ONCE AGAIN SHAKE MY FIST AT THE SUBTITLES FOR TRANSLATING GE AS QIAN BECAUSE IT SO SEVERELY CUTS THE IMPORTANCE OF MOMENTS LIKE THIS ONE.

Qian cannot figure out his feelings! He can’t figure out if he loves Yuan like a brother or something more! So Yuan cuts the brother out of it. He calls Qian by his name. He calls him Wei Qian, he puts the separation up for Qian. Is this the love of a brother? That’s an easier question to answer when you aren’t being called ‘brother’. How do you feel when you aren’t being reminded of your connection?

I do not have the ability to describe the way Kurt’s mouth moves here, but I love the expression he gives Yuan as he finishes saying Wei Qian. He’s clearly going for a soft approach. Qian’s mouth, which hangs open just slightly, closes shut.

“I’ve told you. I can sum up my life in two words: Wei Qian.” A smile starts to creep up his face. That’s love, bitch! Yuan was pissed, but now that Qian has stopped him, not that Qian has voices his hesitations, now that Qian has admitted that he can’t live without Yuan, even if he doesn’t know what his feelings for Yuan are, the love Yuan has for Qian melts the anger and lets the love bleed through. “But I’m not making you take responsibility for me.”

This is a very important character trait of Yuan’s. One of the first things we saw of teenage Yuan was him grabbing one of the household bills. Yuan has been working side hustles while in school. He’s been helping pay the bills. He’s been as helpful as he possibly can be at all times, because this was a home he was given, not a home he was born in to.

GOD DAMMIT CHRIS IS SO GOOD. ALL HE DID WAS MOVE HIS EYEBALLS LIKE…TWO CENTIMETERS AND THAT WAS ENOUGH TO KILL ME.

Yuan is saying all the things that Qian needs to hear. Yuan can sum his life up with Qian, Qian fed him, Qian kept him warm, Qian gave him a home, Qian gave him love. Qian has seen Yuan as his responsibility since they were kids, but Yuan has wanted nothing but to be a support system for Qian. I said it before, that Yuan is the only person who continuously helps Qian to whom Qian is not beholden. Qian owes San Pang and his family, Qian owes Le and the gang, Qian owes Xiong. Qian does not owe Yuan. Qian does not see Yuan as someone that owes him.

That small little eye motion are some gears clicking in to place in Qian’s head. That small little eye motion is Qian well and truly listening to what Yuan is saying.

And here comes the parallel:

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

“Did you come after me because you feel guilty, or because you care?” (this thing between us, is it because you don’t want or you don’t dare?)

A genuine question that Yuan is using to try to push Qian in to allowing himself finally see his feelings through to the end. Qian is standing here before Yuan telling him that he does not know what his feelings for Yuan are. Even though those In The Know (Yuan and San Pang) can see the truth in Qian clear as day, Qian himself has not admitted it.

So Yuan gives him a test.

Qian pauses for a moment, starts to shake his head, blinks.

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

“I really don’t know,” he says

Qian has failed the test.

Yuan’s soft smile has a hint of sadness in it now.

“You don’t need to know.” Yuan leans back against the wall, looking up at the sky. Qian is looking straight ahead, once again not making eye contact with Yuan “It’s always been my problem. Going home with you.”

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

The weight of what Yuan is saying hits. Qian looks at the ground. Complete opposite direction as Yuan.

“Getting attached to you. Falling for you.”

Qian closes his eyes and sighs, pulling his head up from where it was pointed. It’s like he can’t get used to hearing Yuan confess. Like it hits him every time Yuan says he’s in love with Qian and has been forever.

“Wanting you all my life.”

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

That is too much for Qian. Even with his eyes closed, even though he can’t see Yuan right now, he has to face away.

“It was never your fault.” Yuan says, and Qian’s eyes open ever so slightly.

And I just have to say that it is really really important to me that with all of Qian’s trauma, with everything he has suffered, with the stuff he went through with his mother, that he finally has someone tell him that it wasn’t his fault. There is naturally a lot of hesitation in changing the way you see someone you have raised, someone you have looked at and treated as a brother, and suddenly see them as someone to be romantically interested in.

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

So it is important to me that Yuan tells Qian he did nothing wrong. That Yuan’s feelings here are entirely his own, borne of his own mind and body, and that there is no aspect of Yuan’s feelings for him that Qian pressured him in to. That Yuan will be fine, eventually, if Qian does not reciprocate his feelings. Qian is not being forced in to anything here, and neither is Yuan. And I am so so so glad that Qian got to hear that. Twice!

Anyway, Qian’s eyes open ever so slightly right as Yuan starts walking away, shoulder checking Qian on his way out.

“Wait.” Qian grabs Yuan by the wrist “Wei Zhiyuan.”

gifs by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Yuan’s eyes are locked on to Qian’s hand around his wrist. He once again looks surprised that Qian would be brave enough to stop him from leaving. We get a shot of their hands (😈) and Yuan ever, ever so slowly raises his eyes to look at Qian.

Qian has passed the test at the last second.

#here you go for the people who asked if I was going to write the staircase scene #got this in right under the wire before tomorrow becomes all episode 11 stuff #unknown #unknown the series #unknown the series analysis #unknown the series meta #unknown the series episode 10 #chris chiu #kurt huang #taiwanese bl #wka long post

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imabeautifulbutterfly · 2 months

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Congrats on 450 followers, you wonderful human! You deserve 'em all!

For the roulette, I was wondering if I could request prompts 5 and 43 for Crosshair and a female reader, pretty please? 👉🏻👈🏻 I'd love to see how you write it!

Hello love, @moonstrider9904 thank you so much for the congratulations. And I took your prompts and ran with it. I hope you like it.

Enjoy.

Love oo.

Time With You

Warnings: Unrequited love, annoyance, arguing, angst, declaration of love, feelings of not worthy, pushing away (emotionally), tears, emotional hurt. I think that's it, if I miss any please let me know.

Main Master List | Star Wars Fic Roulette

Crosshair let out a huff as you took a seat beside him, while he polished his rifle. It was something you noticed he did often, either when he was stressed, bored, or just needed to maintain his weapon. Either way, it was never out of his hand for long.

He did his best to ignore you, but you were making that impossible as you sat there with your elbows on your knees, your chin resting in your hands as you looked at him with the most lovestruck eyes he’d ever seen.

It took all of his willpower, not to smack you in the face with his pillow.

“Why are you here?” He finally asked as he was simply getting more annoyed with your staring.

“Oh c’mon, like I need an excuse to spend time with you.”

He put away his cleaning cloth and his rifle, as he stood, “Don’t you think you’re being a bit forward.”

“I’m not doing anything, I’m just sitting here and admiring you” you offered smiling.

Crosshair let out a sigh of annoyance, “It’s never going to happen.” He had enough of the love sick puppy look, and enough of the long looks from across the room. He found you attractive, that wasn’t the issue, the issue was him. He wasn’t any good, and he wasn’t worth your attention. Even his brothers wondered why you ever bothered to shower him with attention.

“What’s never gonna happen?” You feigned ignorance. You didn’t want to hear what he had to say. You wanted to hold on to the hope that you had, you didn’t want to hear him say that it wasn’t going to happen.

“You know what, don’t play dumb.”

You pursed your lips as you looked away, “Is it so wrong that I could possibly want more from you?”

“Yes.” It was the only answer he was going to give you, you needed to move on. You deserved so much more than him. He had a prickly personality, he was cocky, and grouchy, as Wrecker called him. Tech had mentioned he had a severe personality, and in hindsight, seeing the way you doted on him, made him want to hide from your attention.

You stood from your spot fighting back the tears, “What is so wrong about me liking you?”

He looked away, really he didn’t have an answer for you, but he just knew it was wrong, “You won’t be happy.”

“And you think you know what would make me happy?” A tear slid down your cheek, as your hope was being dashed to pieces right before your eyes.

“I know, I wouldn’t make you happy.”

“You won’t know until you try. I’m willing to try. I love you.”

As those words slid out of your mouth, he felt his heart being squeezed by them. How could you be so carefree? How could you just trust him so willingly? Could he make you happy? If it was with you, it might be possible.

He shook his head. No. He needed to end this, you needed to move on and to find someone who was worthy of your pure heart, your love, someone who’d protect you from themselves. Someone who’d know your true value. Someone who would value you and understand how truly precious you were. Someone other than him.

“But I don’t love you. I find you annoying. Do you honestly think I enjoy being stared at like I’m some prized possession? Every time I see your face, it makes me want to scream at you, so you’d finally get it through your head that I’m not interested!”

He clenched his fists, trying to fight back his own tears. He didn’t want to send you away. But you were like a priceless jewel, and if there’s one thing his brothers reminded him, he didn’t know how to appreciate the finer things in life. No, this was the right thing. It would hurt for a while to see you in the arms of another, to see you look at them with those beautiful eyes, to see you smile that brilliant smile that made his knees weak directed at someone else. But he was doing this to save you, to save the heartache and pain that would only come in being with him.

The tears streamed down your face, as your heart was being rendered in two. How could he say that? Were you really that annoying? Had you been making a fool of yourself?

Why couldn’t he be nicer about it? Why couldn’t he just try? Why did it have to be your heart that got trampled on?

“You insufferable…” words slipped your mind, as you tried to find the best insult, “piece of...rotten lemon pie!” You didn’t miss the look of confusion on Crosshair’s face as he repeated the insult over again. “You can’t even try? Am I such a horrible person? What did I do that was so wrong?”

He let out a frustrated sigh, moving to grab his rifle, “I don’t have time for this.” He shifted towards the door, but you wouldn’t let him go until he actually answered your question.

“No, answer me. What did I do that was so wrong?”

His eyes narrowed, as his anger towards himself was being directed towards you, “Move or I’ll move you.”

“Cross… please…”

“This.” He motioned between you, “This, what you’re doing right now is the problem. Learn to take no for an answer.” He brushed past you and exited his quarters, heading towards the gun range. He was thankful that at least most of the clones on Kamino would be at a training facility, so they wouldn’t have seen the tears forming in his eyes as he walked further away from you.

Main Master List | Star Wars Fic Roulette

Tag list:

@liadamerondjarin @badbatch-simp24@spicymcnuggies@lady-ren @firstofficerwiggles @darkangel4121 @discofern @kavecika @monako-jinn-stories @ladykatakuri @avathebestx @theroguesully @furyhellfire66 @carodealmeida @ciramaris @sprout-fics @twinkofthedink @dindjarin-mandalorian @ulchabhangorm @littlemisspascal @tortor-mcgee @vodika-vibes @clonethirstingisreal

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typellblog · 5 months

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Nisemonogatari - An Analysis

Being a siscon really did not help with this one.

With Kizu I could somewhat pretend that it was its own isolated arc despite the absurd length, but as the cast ever-expands it becomes more and more difficult to act as though I’m only writing about one character at a time here.

Indeed, we even have mini-scenes for each of our previous heroines. These are deeply oriented around fanservice, albeit in a way that actually also contributes to the characterisation of everyone spotlighted here. (Not that I can say the same for those involving his sisters, later.)

Hitagi gets to indulge her most sadistic impulses in a way I don’t think we ever see again beyond this point, Kaiki serving as both catalyst for her kidnapping Koyomi and catalyst for her changing in a more substantial way in the future.

The mystery of Hachikuji continuing to hang around is once again raised, along with ominous foreshadowing of what this might mean for her future. She starts to emerge as a surprisingly mature character, her gags more obviously deliberate, her advice surprisingly helpful.

Nadeko is given a chance to pursue her one-sided crush on Koyomi. Her techniques are childish but reveal a surprising amount of . . . cunning? Malice? Foreshadowing for her later arcs. In any case, Koyomi remains completely oblivious.

I think the most interesting part of Kanbaru’s scene here is an indication that she’s not as much of a pervert as she presents herself to Koyomi as, and indeed to Koyomi is the operative term here, because as we hear from Hanekawa when Koyomi tries doing impressions of his friends (great scene, shame it was cut in the anime), Koyomi might have quite a different impression of Kanbaru than others do.

Speaking of Hanekawa, she’s the only one that seems to be actually folded into the main plot this time, but simultaneously she feels like she’s growing more distant. She doesn’t get a directly horny treatment like the other characters, instead focusing on a gag about giving Koyomi permission to touch her boobs, but if he ever uses it she’ll hate him forever. Notably it establishes a completely different dynamic to her totally accepting attitude in Kizumonogatari.

Her character growth is significant, putting aside the stereotypical class president look in favour of a more ‘normal’ one, arguably something she’s wanted to do for a while. She had a sort of . . . lack of self-awareness of her own abnormality, before. Her role here is as a positive role model, I guess, for the entire set of Araragi siblings. If they’re fakes, she’s the real deal. If they need to be aware of their own weakness and inferiority, she needs to become conscious of her own strength.

This, of course, doesn’t really make sense until we take a proper look at our arc character.

Karen Bee

To be blunt I struggle to bring myself to like Karen. She feels fake to me.

I find myself in a similar position to Koyomi in some ways, the mentions of his sisters peppered into the Kizumonogatari novel triggering my own weird sense of jealousy/inferiority.

In theory, I should like Karen. She resembles nobody more closely than Emiya Shirou, probably my favourite protagonist of all time. Although, to avoid the risk of derailing into another Fate/Stay Night essay, I’ll make a different comparison. Someone who himself gets compared to Emiya Shirou all the time.

Koyomi Araragi.

How come I’m able to get invested into this guy’s story, his justice, his self-sacrificing nature, his stupid, corny, but sometimes really cool lines, and not do the same for his sister?

I think on one level the answer is simple - I’ve spent the past four books inhabiting his perspective. I don’t have any context, for Karen. Who is she trying to save, and why? What difficult decisions does she have to make along the way? The Fire Sisters’ escapades are treated as a gag, occasional mentions of them playing Russian roulette with the Mafia or getting into brawls with the police, but nothing solid. Karen’s trying to save the middle schoolers getting scammed by Kaiki, but I don’t care about them. I’m not given any reason to.

That’s just a matter of perspective, though. I don’t find it a particularly convincing argument, when Koyomi tells her that her justice is fake because she only acts on the behalf of others. Is that desire itself not beautiful? If you saw the same people suffering that she did, would you not want to help them, too?

I haven’t been shown any of those people, though. So I don’t get it.

But I’m wasting time with this. I can’t see these people, won’t see them, because I’m living in a different world from Karen. She’s still in middle school, and Koyomi is in high school. This is explicitly called out as being a point of change for him, one where he first began to close himself off to others on account of his self-worth evaporating as he realised the world was more difficult than he had thought.

Karen and Tsukihi don’t have that, yet. They’re missing the key element that’s driven Koyomi’s whole character progression over these previous four books - the fact that he doesn’t have any friends. Lol.

But I mean seriously, you see how the problems Koyomi is faced with operate on a completely different level than those the Fire Sisters try to deal with? They have an idea of a clear and simple evil, one that they’ll go to any ends to defeat.

In comparison - Koyomi isn’t fighting villains. He tries to help the victims of oddities, but they can only save themselves, or so we’re told, making Koyomi seem useless when it comes to the big action scenes. What he struggles to overcome is his vision of himself as a burden, someone whose helpfulness is an unwanted favour and selfishness is a destructive, vampiric urge.

Karen and Tsukihi never once consider the possibility of themselves being burdens. They go off to help people heedless of the potentially destructive consequences (which inevitably seem to result).

Karen’s ‘acting only on the behalf of others’ is fake to Koyomi because he’s already come to terms with his own selfishness. He couldn’t help Kiss-Shot, couldn’t do what she requested, because her request was to die, and he wanted her to live. The Fire Sisters haven’t yet been faced with such a difficult problem, haven’t yet been asked whether their self-sacrifice is really just self-satisfaction. Koyomi is scared of hurting people. All the time. He makes his decisions with that possibility in mind. That’s something he’s just had to accept. The Fire Sisters don’t seem to worry about that at all.

When Koyomi tells Karen that before being right, she must be strong, we initially assume he’s talking about physical strength - the ability to defeat one’s enemies. But looking over Koyomi’s past actions, we’ve seen physical strength prove of little use to him time and time again. What he means is the strength of will to not falter in the face of opposition or difficult choices. He may not have been right, when he chose to keep Kiss-Shot alive. But at least he had the balls to do it.

Hanekawa points out he’s really criticising himself with this one. After all, there are plenty of times where he’s failed to show strength, like his struggle to let the second snake go in Nadeko’s case. He couldn’t commit to one course of action or another and risked getting the worst of both worlds. Hanekawa, in contrast, always commits to the bit, never giving away in the slightest that she had feelings for Koyomi after he started dating Hitagi. She’s almost too strong, that was her problem according to Oshino, and indeed in doing so she ended up hurting herself as much as she helped other people.

She has to be aware of her own strength, not act as though everything she’s doing is perfectly normal, hold off on dragging everyone with her directly to the right answer.

In the same way that Koyomi has to be aware of his own weakness, to know he can’t solve everything on his own, and not be afraid to ask for help.

In the same way that Karen hasn’t quite internalized it, that evil and good aren’t always so obvious, that you need to be ready for getting your ass kicked, and maybe you should have asked a couple of people to come with you.

When Koyomi and Karen fight, he gets the shit beaten out of him, but he still clearly wins. Karen struggles to articulate her viewpoint when faced with an actual objection, and eventually gives in, reassured by Koyomi that he never thought what she was doing was wrong.

Hmmm. I notice that I haven’t discussed Karen’s associated oddity yet, the bee. Interestingly enough, it’s just not that important to her arc. It doesn’t influence her personality or behaviour at all, like many of the other characters’ oddities. It just makes her sick.

Oshino’s old adage proves true to an extent - the bee does appear for a reason, in the sense that Koyomi says it's her own damn fault, for going up against Kaiki alone. She gets what she deserves! A bit harsh, perhaps. It’s also her own fault in the sense that her overactive imagination is part of what stimulates its effects so much - the bee is a fake oddity, clinging to a fake person, someone who plays make-believe in such a way that they’re susceptible to a fake disease.

Obviously the fire association with the bee makes sense for her, especially in regard to how it becomes a fever, getting heated up because of justice leads to her pushing herself too hard and burning out. Blah blah blah whatever. The symbolism doesn’t interest me, because I think the far more important thing about the bee is that it’s not representative of a larger problem. Karen acts fairly similarly before and after being afflicted. She isn’t saved by anyone else, but you’d have to stretch to say she saved herself, either. Unlike Koyomi, she has friends. Unlike Hitagi, she doesn’t have difficulty reaching out to others. Unlike Kanbaru, she doesn’t have a hidden side to her, a wish that she can’t fulfill.

I said it already, but the Fire Sisters don’t have regrets. They don’t have any lingering trauma. They’re the ones causing problems for other people, supremely confident in their own righteousness. They may be fakes, but in a sense they’re a lot more real than the rest of the cast.

Tsukihi Phoenix

Well, at least that’s the case for Karen, whose outside image and inside personality are perfectly aligned. For Tsukihi, on the other hand, there’s a bit of a disjunction.

Alright, I guess we’re doing Tsukihi too. I wasn’t exactly planning on both at once when I started this, but I suppose at this rate I have enough room.

What, I haven’t talked about Kaiki yet? God, who cares. What do you want me to say, here. He’s a fake that’s accepted his fakeness in the same way Koyomi asks of Karen. A withered branch to Koyomi’s sapling, the third stage in the Araragi evolutionary tree. I don’t quite get it, how exactly this man is supposed to be Koyomi taken to his logical extent. He’s evil, but in a very deliberate way. He’s not convinced of his own justice, has no interest in promoting his position. He almost feels like he’s playing a character. I’ll get back to him in later arcs, but for now I think the important thing to note is something I mentioned last time - as a male character, his role is more about mirroring Koyomi than being someone Koyomi ought to forge a connection with. As an adult specialist, his arc is complete, so to speak. There’s nothing in him to change or that needs changing.

He’s the polar opposite of the Fire Sisters in that way. They’re too young to have changed yet, not quite mired in the coming-of-age plotline that ensnares this story’s main characters. Kaiki isn’t an arc character, doesn’t need to be won over by Koyomi, but neither does Karen, really.

Koyomi already has a deep enough relationship with his sisters - just look at their openings, the lyrics addressed to a vague listener that’s almost him but feels far too idealised, his image cropping up again and again in their visuals. In Platinum Disco, he overshadows Tsukihi from the background, closing his mouth over her and forcing her to dance headlessly. His influence over her is obvious, almost total. In Marshmallow Justice, he’s buffeted around by the currents of Karen’s flames, speaking to a more antagonistic relationship, her trying to insist on her righteousness to him.

This is an established, regular part of their dynamic. If anything, the biggest change to their relationship doesn’t happen in the arc where Karen is afflicted by an oddity, it’s the toothbrush scene at the start of Tsukihi Phoenix. (Which still baffles me in a lot of ways, but I really don’t want to get bogged down in it right now).

I said it already, but Karen’s oddity doesn’t really represent any deep-rooted psychological issues for her - it’s fake.

Unlike Karen, however, Tsukihi’s oddity is of immense significance to her. Not just in terms of its importance to this arc, but all the way down to its influence on her personality and behaviours. After all, Tsukihi herself is the oddity.

The Shide no Tori, an immortal oddity that adapts to its surroundings. It’s volatile, mercurial, constantly renewing itself. It’s also eternal. The core of the thing is that it has no core, no consistent personality, and as such must take cues from those around it. Tsukihi acts according to her whims, but in the end remains incredibly dependent on others, latching onto them to give her a purpose.

Her justice is fake in the sense that it’s been picked up from Karen and Koyomi. It’s not at the core of her being.

She doesn’t have the same drive for it that Karen does, and as such tends to follow her sister’s initiative.

But, similarly to Koyomi, she does have the ability to regenerate from fatal danger. Just as he would throw himself into danger to help his friends even without it, she’s said to have thrown herself off a building to help Karen without even knowing she has the ability.

In comparison to Koyomi’s selfish, half-assed vampirism, a healing ability that has him straddling life and death without really making progress in any fight, Tsukihi’s immortality is pure. Instant. Perfect. There are no consequences.

There are no consequences. She doesn’t regret because she isn’t given anything to regret. Learning about the supernatural would threaten the Shide no Tori’s position as a normal human, so the memories of being killed are wiped from her mind when she wakes up.

Of course she would throw herself into danger to save someone else. She doesn’t really have a ‘self’ to value in the first place. Everything important to her comes from other people. Koyomi faces immense self-loathing for a similar reason. Tsukihi doesn’t seem to be bothered by it, though. Perhaps she can’t be.

She knows her sense of justice is a bit different from her siblings, and she considers the possibility of the Fire Sisters breaking up. The possibility of Karen changing when she reaches highschool, in the same way Koyomi did. The implication being that Tsukihi would not, floating from hobby to hobby without ever forming a permanent attachment to anyone, constantly reinventing herself like a phoenix rising from the flames.

That’s the Shide no Tori. A clever fake that keeps itself from being noticed by imitating a normal human. Kaiki might say that a deliberate fake may have more value than the original, but even the deliberateness of it is carefully removed, not allowing the host awareness of anything related to their condition.

In that sense she’s not any more or less human than her siblings.

That is, I suppose, the main conflict of this arc. It’s centered on Tsukihi but doesn’t involve her - how can it, when her entire gimmick involves being unaware of what’s going on around her?

Koyomi is opposed by the exorcist sisters Ononoki and Kagenui. Just as Kaiki mirrors Koyomi, they mirror the Fire Sisters. The older, physically inclined, human. The younger, an oddity. And they claim to be defenders of justice.

This is the tricky part about justice, which Koyomi has been trying to impart to Karen. Most people think their actions are justified. Someone like Kaiki is an absurd exception. How can you insist on being right when your opponents also claim they’re on the side of justice? We’re not getting a good answer to that in this book.

Perhaps I’m starting to understand a little how Koyomi is like Kaiki, here. Because he doesn’t claim to be on the side of justice. He never even tries. He gives up that battle before it starts. He’s not on the side of humans. He’s not on the side of oddities. Like the time with Kiss-Shot, he’s nothing more or less than on the side of the person he chooses to protect.

Little sisters are more important than justice. A sentiment I can get behind.

In any case, there’s something a little bit off about Kagenui here. Part of her motivation is hoping to meet Oshino and in his absence she takes on a little of his role - viewing Koyomi as a human, rather than a monster.

Something must have set her off, Koyomi thinks, when she starts talking about him forcing his ideals on others. He might be fine with leaving Tsukihi alone, but what would Karen think? His parents? Tsukihi herself? Wouldn’t she become a real problem if she was aware of her true nature as an oddity?

He responds by saying he’s allowed to force things on his family. Once again, he’s okay with being a bit selfish, a bit of a burden. Koyomi’s sisters aren’t like the other girls he meets throughout the series. He doesn’t need to win them over, doesn’t need to break down the barriers between them and come to a complete understanding - he already does understand them.

Tsukihi being an oddity prompts realizations on his part, but nothing he didn’t already know. He already understands and accepts the entirety of her, in the same way they do for him. So he doesn’t need to worry about forcing something that can’t ever be repaid on her. He’d accept the same for her. They would, all three of them, happily die for each other, and they know it.

Something must have set Kagenui off, talking about this topic, and it seems to relate to her relationship with Ononoki. Are they real sisters, or fakes? Wouldn’t it be a real problem if an immortal oddity was aware of her true nature and tried to practice justice regardless? Kagenui argues that Tsukihi would be cruel and arrogant in the pursuit of it, having been freed from the constraints of human reason.

Koyomi thinks of the former Heart-Under-Blade, someone who was obscenely over-the-top and utterly inhuman. I think of Ononoki Yotsugi, quick to violence, quick to insults, saying she’d be fine if this entire world of fakes was destroyed.

Yep, Kagenui is definitely a bit off, here. Too concerned with matters we aren’t really privy to, at the moment. It’s like the fight with Karen all over again - Koyomi gets the shit kicked out of him, but in the end he’s still standing, and his opponent wavers a little. Finally learning “a lesson ten years in the making”.

She talks about the inherent nature of humanity, the doctrine of innate evil. If we suppose that people are born evil, then any good act requires putting on a fake persona. Like Hanekawa and Koyomi talked about in Kizu, self-sacrifice vs self-satisfaction. They both think of themselves as faking it, only acting like they’re truly ‘good’, but according to Kagenui’s proposal, there’s no such thing as being truly good. The truest good is in trying to be good, a deliberate imitation. A fake that has more value than the original.

So, where does that leave us? One really has to wonder about Koyomi’s decision to not tell Tsukihi (or even Karen) anything about the supernatural. Another selfish decision, in the vein of what he did to Kiss-Shot. It’s in character, at least.

I think it’s interesting how he describes it, after kissing her. There was a time where Koyomi was an only child. There was a time when he only had one sister. But for her entire life, there wasn’t a single moment where Tsukihi wasn’t the little sister of him and Karen. Nisemonogatari is about family, and family, for Tsukihi, is something that she can define herself in relation to. It’s a permanent attachment, created by the circumstances of her birth. Like a cuckoo, the Shide no Tori leaves its young in the nest of another family to prepare them for facing the world. Tsukihi isn’t ‘really’ from the Araragi family, in the same way that she doesn’t ‘really’ have a sense of justice like the other two. But in her deliberate attempt to adopt it- well, you know how it goes.

Koyomi doesn’t need to tell her about the supernatural, about the fact that she’s a phoenix, because in a meaningful sense she isn’t one. She’s his sister. She’s Karen’s sister. That’s good enough.

Koyomi’s last lines are strangely poignant, contradicting the usual epilogue format by occurring before he’s woken by his sisters the next morning. “I got way more involved than usual, but there was no point in staying there forever. For now, I’ll go back to my room and change.” I feel like it’s a comment on the blending of worlds that’s been going on here - he’s part of the backstage, as Hachikuji puts it. His sisters are at the front. He’s entering the adult world, while they’re still kids. There’s a sense that he shouldn’t get too involved in their incidents, and vice versa.

A hopeful reading would be that like Koyomi, they’ll also change. In their own time, at their own pace, in their own way.

But that’s all for now. I managed to be somewhat normal about Tsukihi. Somehow.

#monogatariposting #monogatari #araragi koyomi #araragi karen #araragi tsukihi #nisemonogatari

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nixie-writes · 2 years

Note

Husk and Alastor seperatly request. The old men. Yes! This one is slightly angsty or very angsty depending how you take it.

So. How would they react to overhearing Vaggie or others saying that the s/o is too good for them. Maybe others are agreeing. Charlie is of course trying to calm the situation, but Vaggie is just not a fan of their s/o's taste in men. Thinks they could do way better. Others might agree. How do da old men react?

My precious old men. Thanks for requesting this, I love it! I made Husk's a little more angst than I'd usually write because I love that old man.

Alastor - He'd arrived back at the hotel after going out to buy ingredients for his mother's jambalaya...With fresh meat so to say. He was passing along the halls when he heard Vaggie's voice drift through the wings of the hotel, mixed with those of Husker and Charlie. - "You know how I feel about them together Charlie. [Y/N] is just...Too good for him, you know?" That was Vaggie, anger evident in her voice. "Now, it's not our place to-" "I know him better than all of you combined, he's a piece of shit". Husker interrupted Charlie. Alastor froze near the turn in the hall. - "Husk we can't assume that; look, it's their choice to be with him even if he is...Questionable. Just give him a chance, this could redeem him!" A silly reason to support his relationship with [Y/N] but Alastor wasn't picky. Finally came the voice of his beloved. - "I don't need any of you judging me! I love him, he loves me, isn't that enough?" His smile grew at their temper. How feisty. He loved it. "I'll do what I want and if you have a problem with it you can all kiss my ass!" They shouted and rounded the corner of the hallway, running straight into Alastor. - "Well hello my dear!" He greeted cautiously. They smiled sweetly at him and pulled him by the arm in front of the three doubters. Without a word they smashed their lips into his in a fiery kiss, short but electrifying. "See? My choice." With that they walked back off, waving goodbye to Alastor. "If you don't mind I have business to take care of."

Husk - He stumbled in the hotel, drunk as fuck. Once again he drank too much, another reason [Y/N] deserved better. He was aggressive and sarcastic when he was drunk and he hated that it made them feel inferior. It was as he was nearing his room to sleep he heard voices he could hardly demystify in his drunken state. - "If he comes back drunk I'm forcing them to break up," Vaggie nearly shouted. Charlie squeaked but said nothing. Alastor only laughed. "Vaggie please, do smile. This could be entertaining!" Of course tonight was the night he went drinking. "And he gambles himself broke! It's bullshit and they deserve so much better, I don't know why they even got with him." That statement stabbed him in the heart because it was true and he felt the same way. - "Vaggie!" Charlie gasped. "It's not our right to question their decision, you know it isn't! My father didn't approve of us being together but that didn't stop you did it?" Charlie reasoned. Vaggie only grunted; even she had to admit Charlie had a point there. "Fine, I won't interfere but the next time he bums money off them I'm going off on him." Alastor chuckled. "Oh dear Vaggie, your passion burns so strongly for them one might think you have feelings for them!" Vaggie scoffed; "I have a girlfriend thanks for asking, but I don't like this relationship." - Husk slumped his shoulders and entered the room the debate was being held in. At least he was drunk enough to spit out his words. "If you hate our relationship so be it but I love [Y/N] with all my heart. I never thought I'd love again but they changed that in me. They've changed me. If you disapprove of that so be it but I'm not letting anyone get in the way of the only thing I fucking live for." He turned and stomped off to his room. - In his room Husk reached for an old dusty bottle he hadn't drank from in a long time. Inside was a Russian Roulette mixed with an ungodly amount of rum. He opened the bottle and took a long drink. Once again he doubted that [Y/N] deserved him and this time, others agreed. Didn't they deserve someone who treated them with as much love as he felt for them?

#Hazbin Hotel x reader #Hazbin x reader #Alastor x reader #Alastor #Husk x reader #Husk

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shawnsprincesse · 2 years

Text

Russian Roulette (Harry Styles AU)

WARNING, this story contains:

Sex

Dirty talk

Spitting

Choking

TW: Guns

Bella was four when she first touched a gun and six when she first held one in her hand. If you ask her she would’ve rather finished high school and gone to college but this life runs in her blood. Her dad went to prison before she could even hit puberty and her brother is a known killer. Suddenly she finds herself playing Russian Roulette with one of her dad’s rivals, Harry Styles.

Aka

Criminal/gang!Harry fucking Bella in an empty warehouse.

AN: I wanted this to be one of those power couple gang AU’s but I don’t know if I hit the mark or failed! Since I’m so obsessed with crime Au’s I kinda wanna make this a fictional universe so if you want more parts within this AU with different encounters, let me know.

”Hi Doll.” A dark hoarse voice echoed through the empty industrial building. The clicking sound of my black leather boots echoed between the dull concrete walls as two armed men led me through the narrow hallway.

”Why am I here again?” I sighed, simultaneously rolling my eyes as I recognized the taunting voice at the end of the hallway.

The concrete building was placed in the outskirts of the town, it technically hasn’t belonged to anyone for about a decade when the government abandoned it. It used to be a proper building, a warehouse of some sort but now it’s just a concrete maze with graffiti sprayed all over it. Even though it doesn’t formally belong to anyone, it’s well known across town that it belongs to Harry Styles, the man of the voice, and his gang. They call themselves the Bloody Snowflakes which in my opinion sounds more like a Taylor Swift Christmas song about red wine and snow but maybe that’s just me. I guess if you wanna market your business you might as well reference it with your name.

”Bella, always a pleasure.” Harry greeted me as I entered the large, empty warehouse area. The room was larger than a regular sized apartment and it had been scarcely decorated with a round wooden table, two old wooden chairs in the middle of the room. The roof was high, indicating that there had been some kind of products stocked here in the building’s previous life. The walls were bare and covered in dust, there was the occasional graffiti scribble that had been done by some local teenagers years ago. There was a worn out couch by one of the walls where two members of Harry’s little posse were sat, casually playing with their weapons as they watched me enter the room.

The two guys who had led me through the narrow hallway stopped at the entrance to make sure I wouldn’t try to escape. I was left on my own as I walked up to the wooden table where Harry was stood. He flashed me a soft grin as he pulled out the chair for me and urged me to sit down and I didn’t object. He took his time as he rounded the table, the sound of his Chelsea boots clicking against the concrete floor echoed through the room as he made his way over to the other chair.

I quickly glanced around the room, the guards or whatever you wanna call Harry’s little crew was completely silent as they watched the two of us in the middle of the room. The two guys who had led me into the warehouse had now visibly pulled up their guns to warn me that if I tried to escape they would shoot me. The other two guys had now risen from the worn out couch and slowly inched closer to the big, round table. They were also visibly carrying guns in an attempt to look threatening.

When I got here, I had been forced to turn over any weapon I had and there wasn’t much I could do but comply. I willingly surrendered by two guns as the large men tried to pat me down, they did a good job but there was one place they forgot to look, inside my boots. I always carry a small but very sharp knife inside my chunky leather boots, it rarely gets used and definitely not in a situation like this where four grown men are pointing weapons at me but if things turn ugly, I might have to figure out how to defend myself with it.

”Bella-” Harry tasted my name at the tip of his tongue as he looked at me from across the table with his signature grin spread across his face.

”Harry.” I replied as I scanned his face. He had a few scars across his forehead that had faded to a slightly lighter color than his skin. There was another more recent scar on his neck, near one of his tattoos, and it looked like a cut that had been done by a knife. ”What do you want?”

”Always so eager to cut straight to the point.” Harry scolded me, his green eyes rolling back as he observed me from the other side of the table. ”How’ve you been? How’s your family?” Harry tauntingly cooed at me as I leaned forward against the wooden table.

”Just cut to the chase.” I sighed as I placed my elbows on the table. ”Why am I here?” I repeated the same question again.

Harry leaned back in the old wooden chair. He crossed his arms over his broad chest as he sat back and observed me in silence. I could feel his eyes scan down every inch of my body as he took his sweet time to answer my question.

I didn’t choose to get dragged into shit like this, I wanted to finish high school and go to college like a normal person but it’s quite hard to do any of that when your family has been dealing drugs and running this town for centuries. It’s like I was destined to live like this.

No one really knows how it started, all I really know is that once the second world war was a fact my ancestors had to flee across the pond. I guess they kept fleeing until they ended up here in the southern parts of Arizona, near the Mexican border. No one wanted to hire any immigrants back then so I guess they didn’t have much of a choice, they could either die of starvation or do whatever it takes to get some food on the table.

”You know-” Harry began to speak as his eyes continued to slowly rake down my body. His green eyes mainly focused on my low cut, tight fitting top and the cleavage formed beneath it. ”Your daddy owes me a lot of money…”

”Hmm, depends on how you look at it.” I shrugged knowing full well that my dad was indeed in debt. ”Besides, I don’t run my dads errands so maybe you should talk to him about that.” I replied confidently as I adjusted the garter belt, holding up my stockings.

”Unfortunately, he doesn’t answer my calls.” Harry explained with a small sigh. His eyes continued to focus on me and my body as I adjusted the short skirt covering my lap.

”Still-” I paused as I searched for his eyes. ”Not my problem.” I replied cockily as I looked straight into his eyes.

”You know your brother killed two of my men the other week.” Harry’s voice went from soft to stern as his body language quickly switched from casual to dead serious. ”Two of my best men.” Harry repeated, emphasizing the word best.

”Whoops.” I replied as I dismissively twirled my curly hair around my finger. Of course killing comes with the debts and territories and I probably shouldn’t be as numb to it as I am but if I’m gonna be able to sleep at night I have to shut things like that out. I didn’t choose to be a part of this life but now I am and it’s all about survival. I can’t survive if I’m constantly reminded that my father and brother are killers. I can’t survive if I think about the countless lives that have been taken due to my family distributing illegal drugs. I have to ignore all of that if I’m gonna be able to keep living, especially in a town like this, where there’s two rivalry gangs ready to take us down the minute we close our eyes.

I was four when I touched a gun for the first time and six when I held it properly for the first time. I’m sure that wasn’t my mother’s or father’s proudest moment and I’m sure if they could raise me any other way they would but blood runs thicker than water and the second I was born, my dad knew I would become a target for his rivals and if he wasn’t gonna teach me how to defend myself no one else would.

”Whoops indeed.” Harry replied as he continued to focus his intense gaze on me from across the table. ”I wonder what your daddy would say if you or mommy didn’t come home tonight? You see, me and my crew we’re also like family and you know what they say, an eye for an eye…” Harry’s intense eyes searched my face, hoping to get some kind of reaction out of me as I stared blankly back at him.

When he finally broke away from the intense staring contest, I swiftly looked around the room and suddenly the two men who’d previously been sat at the couch was now standing by my chair, one of each side with their loaded guns.

”We’re gonna play a little game, you and I, Doll…” Harry said as he pulled up another black gun from his pocket and slid it onto the large table. My eyes followed the gun as it came to a slow stop in the middle of the large table, I inhaled sharply as I silently waited for Harry to speak again. I already knew where this was going and I tried my best to hide my fear.

”I’m sure you’re familiar with the concept of Russian Roulette. If you manage survive all three rounds, you’re free to go.” Harry explained the simple rules as he reached over to playfully spin the heavy gun as if this was some kind of spin the bottle game. A satisfied grin spread across Harry’s lips as he watched me react to his statement. I tried my best to suppress my nervous breathing as I watched the black gun spin on top of the old, splintered table.

Was he really willing to bet his own life on this? I mean, sure my brother killed two of his men but if we’re gonna play a game of Russian roulette the chance of him dying is 50 percent and what kind of revenge would that be?

I looked around the large warehouse room again, two men stood within two feet of my chair ready to shoot me if I was much as tried to get up from the old chair and if I by some miracle managed to get up from the chair, two other men stood ready to shoot me as I tried to flee towards the exit.

I had no choice but to play by the rules.

”If-” I skeptically wiggled my eyebrows at Harry as he continued to playfully spin the gun.

”If not, I’ll let your daddy know.” Harry’s grin widened as he stopped spinning the gun and leaned back in his chair.

”How thoughtful.” I rolled my eyes at him as I released a heavy sigh.

I had no choice but to pick up the gun. The first time I’d held a gun I remember thinking it was much heavier than I thought but by now I was used to the weight. I’ve never shot an actual person but I’ve practiced on other targets many times. I would say that I’m a pretty good shooter.

The gun was already loaded and ready to shoot. I steadied myself and my arm as I tried to fixate my aim on Harry. Harry sat relaxed on the opposite side at the table, he had a vague smile on his lips as if he enjoyed watching me suffer. I refused to let him intimidate me, I tried my best to keep my body composed and my facial expression neutral even though I was slowly getting more and more nervous on the inside.

The idea of death itself didn’t scare me, what terrified me was the fact that my family and especially my sweet mother, would have to carry on without me. My mother pleaded for my father to never drag any of us into this, all she ever wanted was to be someone’s housewife, but with a town this small and rivals this persistent it’s hard to leave your family out of it.

”Aiming for the heart, that’s a little cruel Sweetie.” Harry noted as he watched me adjust my aim.

”Don’t be ridiculous, you don’t have a heart.” I replied as I pulled the trigger back. Harry’s small smile widened into a smirk as he watched me tighten my grip around the gun. ”You’re the one that wanted a death game, I’m just giving you what you want.” I said as I mentally and physically prepared to pull the trigger.

I’ve never seen a person get killed or shot and I’m not sure how I would react if the bullet actually fired from the gun and collided with Harry’s body. Maybe I wouldn’t react at all or maybe I would panic, either way I would come out of here alive.

”Ready?” I asked unsure of whether I wanted to actually pull the trigger or not.

”Do I have to be?” Harry asked with a smug grin on his lips. He shrugged his shoulders like it didn’t matter to him when I would shoot him, I couldn’t tell if he too was putting on a brave face or if he actually couldn’t care less about his own life. Maybe he didn’t care anymore, he too had probably dedicated his entire life to committing crimes and if that’s the case he probably didn’t care when or how it ended. What else could he possibly have to live for than his criminal brothers and the illegal money he collects every night.

”Fair enough.” I shrugged in agreement. I took another deep breath before I slowly pulled my finger away from the trigger. The gun made a clicking sound and I blinked twice before I hastily tried again, and again, and again, until the barrel was for sure empty.

To my surprise there was no bullet in the cylinder and Harry was still sat, leaned back with a smug grin on his lips, on the opposite side of the table looking very much alive.

”See, I figured you would pull a stunt like that…” Harry grinned, he seemed proud of himself.

”Can’t blame me for trying.” I shrugged as I shoot the gun back onto the table.

”We’re gonna go again, but this time it’s gonna be loaded.” Harry reassured me as he grabbed the gun from the table and pushed a bullet into the cylinder. ”Ladies first.” He said as he slid the gun across the table towards me.

This time I grabbed the gun with caution, it felt different somehow, more real even though I’d had no clue that the gun wasn’t loaded the previous time. Maybe I shouldn’t have done that, maybe I should’ve just waited my turn and Harry would’ve let both of us live, maybe I fucked up.

”And if you try to pull the trigger more than once, you’ll get shot.” Harry said in a serious tone as he motioned towards the two men standing next to me with their guns aimed towards my chest area.

I once again pulled back the trigger and exhaled with a deep sigh. I wasn’t sure what outcome I wanted the most, on one hand I wanted to live but on the other hand, I didn’t want to take anyone’s life. My fingerprints and DNA are all over this gun and Harry isn’t stupid, he’s probably already prepared a whole case against me. There’s no way his men are just gonna let me go, they’re probably gonna frame me for murder and I’ll end up spending the rest of my life in jail.

”Alright, might as well get this over with.” I sighed as I released the trigger. The gun clicked and I released a small sigh of relief as I noted that the two of us were both still alive. Harry, still sporting a smug grin on his lips, seemed so sure of himself as he reached for the gun on the table.

Harry spun the cylinder again and I swiftly calculated the chances of me surviving inside my head. If Harry hadn’t spun the cylinder my chances of getting hit would’ve been 20% but by spinning the cylinder my chances of getting shot are now reduced to 16.8 percent. I don’t know whether that’s something worth celebrating but I guess at this point, I’ll take any chance I can get.

Harry pursed his lips together as his eyes once again took a good look at me. He ran his fingers through his messy curly hair as he pressed his finger back against the trigger. I tried my best to hide how scared I really was, I’ve never been shot before, does it hurt? What does it feel like? What if I survive?

Harry wasn’t aiming for the heart like I was. He was aiming lower, towards my stomach and intestines. I don’t know anything about anatomy, maybe that’s just as lethal. Who cares? I’ll either live for another round or I’ll die and all my worries will be a waste anyway. I tried to keep my eyes focused on Harry’s face as I inhaled sharply, hoping that one way or another it would all be over soon.

Harry released the trigger and the gun once again clicked. I released another sigh of relief. I hadn’t noticed how tense I was before but as Harry slid the gun across the table, I felt myself slump back against the old wooden chair, relieved that I hadn’t just taken my final breath.

I spun the cylinder as I tried to regain my composure. I used the table as support for my elbows as I once again aimed at Harry. I didn’t want to kill Harry, he hadn’t done anything for me to kill him but it was either him or me. The chances that one of us survives all three rounds are slim but it’s still better than nothing.

I aimed for the heart again. I didn’t know where else to aim, if I was gonna shoot and kill Harry I figured it be nicer to just go for the heart right away, sort of like a simple execution rather than a slow hanging.

”Still aiming for the heart huh?” Harry flashed me another cheeky grin as he watched me adjust my grip around the black gun.

”Like I said, you don’t have a heart.” I argued as I looked Harry straight in the eyes. He tried to intimidate me with his intense gaze but I tried my best to ignore it.

”Are you sure about that?” Harry asked, his flirtatious grin contrasting his intimidating eyes as he kept his gaze focused on me.

”If you did, we wouldn’t be in this situation.” I argued firmly as my finger hugged the trigger. I knew I probably wouldn’t be able to talk Harry out of this but it was at least worth a try, if anything the conversation would at least delay the inevitable for a little while.

”Don’t put the blame on me. We’re in this situation because your brother fucked up.” Harry shrugged as if he couldn’t care less about this situation. This time the gun was loaded, we both knew the gun was loaded and that there was a chance either one of us would die before we would finish the third round so why was he so calm about all of this, maybe he truly didn’t care whether he lives or dies.

”So you choose to punish me for it?” I argued with a stern gaze as I mentally prepared to release the trigger.

”Yeah, because you’re daddy’s little treasure. Gotta hit ’em where it hurts.” Harry explained as he met my challenging gaze. His soft grin remained on his plump lips even as I released the trigger and the gun made another clicking noise.

I shoot the gun over the table, relieved that the second round was almost over. All I needed to do was survive this round and another one, it would definitely be a bonus if Harry also managed to survive because then I wouldn’t walk out of this place a murderer.

”What about your parents, aren’t you their little treasure?” I asked, hoping to spark some kind of emotion inside Harry that would make him stop this game before it was too late. He might not care about his own life but maybe his parents does.

”They’re dead.” Harry replied dryly. ”That’s why I created my own family.” Harry said as he motioned towards his crew members or his brothers as he probably would refer to them.

”I’m sorry.” My voice came out more compassionate than I intended for it to. My family has always been there even though my dad hasn’t made the most honest living and my brother may not be the best influence, they’ve always been there for me and I don’t blame them for choosing to live the life they live because it’s all about survival.

”Nah, it’s alright.” Harry brushed it off as if his parents death was no big deal. ”I got everything I need.” He shrugged and I wasn’t sure if he was trying to persuade me or himself.

”What about love?” I asked and Harry shot me a cynical gaze. He pursed his lips into a thin line as he got ready to release the trigger.

”I’m doing alright.” He replied to my question before he released the trigger. It was as if he had to reassure me that he was perfectly fine with his life before he pulled the trigger in case I would die within the next minute or two.

”Why don’t I believe you?” I cooed skeptically as Harry forcefully pushed the gun across the table for the last round.

I grabbed the gun and held it casually in my hand as I waited patiently for Harry to respond.

”You don’t have to.” Harry shrugged, he couldn’t care less either way.

”What if you die today, not knowing what real love feels like?” I questioned him. I wasn’t sure I knew what real love was either, love terrifies me.

”Then so be it.” Harry continued to shrug to keep up his careless appearance but something told me that deep down inside, he did care. ”When did this turn into a therapy session?” Harry snorted out as he watched me spin the cylinder one last time.

”I mean, if either one of us is gonna die this last round, you might as well talk it all out… Make a final confession.” I smiled sheepishly. I kept the gun in my hand as I tried to make casual conversation with Harry, he seemed annoyed that I was postponing the last round.

The conversation helped me keep my nerves in tact. I know that me being calm doesn’t make a difference, it’s not gonna affect the outcome of this last round, but somehow I had hopes that maybe if I could keep myself calm the universe would save me from complete disaster.

”So let me get this straight, in what may be your last minutes on earth, you wanna discuss my love life?” Harry asked as he raised his eyebrows at me, indicating his skepticism.

”Why not?” I shrugged. ”I’ve got nothing better to do.” I replied with a soft grin.

”Well Bella-” Harry once again tasted my name at the tip of his tongue. ”If you must know, I’m not interested in love.”

”You say that as if love is a choice.” I pointed out.

”I mean, isn’t it?” Harry asked confused. ”I choose whether or not I want to be in a relationship don’t I?” Harry argued.

”Fair enough.” I shrugged.

”I’m perfectly fine with being single.” Harry grinned proudly as he leaned back in his chair.

”Good for you.” This conversation wasn’t going anywhere and I’d ran out of things to say so I guess it was time to initiate the inevitable last round.

”Are you?” Harry asked before I could take my aim.

”Am I what?” I asked confused.

”Perfectly fine with being single?” Harry asked as he once again crossed his arms over his chest.

”I guess.” I shrugged. ”I don’t mind it.”

”A perfectly fine lady as yourself, I’m sure you get tons of male attention.” Harry flashed me a flirtatious grin as he once again stared me down. I tried to ignore his obvious advances but my body was slowly betraying me as a soft blush crept onto my cheeks.

”Whatever.” I choked out, uncomfortable with where the conversation was going. In a desperate attempt to silence the conversation I placed my elbow back on the table and adjusted the gun in my hand.

”Oh-” Harry cooed as he noticed my mood shift. ”You don’t wanna talk about your love life?”

”Let’s just get this over with.” I sighed as I ignored his gaze, pretending to focus on my aim instead. I spun the cylinder again for good luck before bringing my finger to the trigger.

”I’m sure you’ve had tons of boyfriends throughout the years.” Harry teased me with a cheeky grin on his lips. I could tell that he was trying to annoy me by pushing my limits. ”I mean look at you-” I wasn’t sure if he was flirting with me or just trying to get under my skin but either way, it was throwing me off.

”Are you done?” I asked. I wasn’t gonna shoot him mid-sentence.

”You’re not good with compliments, are you Darling?” Harry cheekily grinned towards me and I still wasn’t sure if he was trying to flirt with me or just try to get under my skin.

”I really just want to get this over with.” I tried to dismiss his question.

”Alright, go for it.” Harry urged me on.

I took a deep breath as I released the trigger for the last time. My body jumped as the gun once again clicked. The click felt so much louder this time and for a second I thought a bullet had been released but as I regained my composure I noted that Harry was still sat on the opposite side of the table, still alive.

”I guess at least one of us is making it out alive.” I sighed as I slid the gun over to Harry. This was it, the last turn, life or death, my fate was now in the universe’s hands.

I watched as Harry spun the cylinder, the sound of the metal spinning echoed between the four concrete walls. My eyes drifted off to the graffiti on the wall, this used to be an innocent warehouse and later an abandoned place where teenagers would come after school to pull small pranks on their friends or spray graffiti as a revolt towards the government but now it was a dark place filled with drugs and weapons and evil.

I looked over at the two guards by the door and the worn out couch behind me. Death seemed so much closer this last time around than it’d done any previous times, maybe it was because the statistics weren’t on my side this time around. I still had 1/6th of a chance of getting hit by a bullet but what are the chances of surviving a third round? I know there’s a way to calculate this mathematically but I can’t even think straight right now so I’m just gonna assume that the chances are small.

If I die today, I’m never gonna see my mother or any of my family again, I’m never gonna get the chance to create my own family and have my own children and I’m never even gonna get to know what real love really feels like and now that it comes down to it, I realized that I do care about all these things. I do care about life. I want to live.

”Any final words?” Harry asked as he held the gun steadily in his hand.

”Just get it over with.” I released a heavy sigh as I stared straight into the small barrel of the gun.

”Alright.” Harry replied with a shrug. He placed his finger on the trigger and before I could even count to three or take a deep breath, he released the trigger. My heart was beating so loud that I could barely even hear the click of the gun. My eyes blinked as I internally panicked and it took me a few seconds to realize that I was still alive.

Harry emptied the gun out and waved for his men to exit the room, leaving the two of us alone as I tried to compose myself, silently thanking whatever God was out there for letting me live through this.

I watched as Harry put the gun down in the middle of the wooden table where it had first been placed before the game started. I released another sigh as I watched him lean back in his chair, now what?

”I guess we’re both making it out alive.” Harry said in a light, joking manner. I couldn’t tell if he was just as relieved as I was or if he was used to playing Russian Roulette and winning, maybe he’s done this a million times before.

I stayed glued to my chair, still a little bit shocked that I’d managed to survive all three rounds and was now able to way away alive. My eyes followed Harry’s movements as he got up from his chair and walked around the table. I could feel my muscles relax against the hard wooden chair as I simultaneously let my hands fall back into my lap.

When I suddenly felt a small touch to my shoulder, my initial instinct was to jerk away from it, maybe I was still a little in shock. My eyes swiftly shifted to the fingertips tracing over my bare shoulder and I watched as Harry gently pushed the small spaghetti strap to the side. His fingertips continued to trace down the outline of my collarbone and I continued to watch in silence.

”You know Bella-” Harry started speaking in a soft, seductive manner. His hand continued to trace down my upper arm sending shivers down my spine. I could feel Harry’s hand shift over my shoulder blade and I sat in silence as his fingertips slowly moved my curly hair to the side, exposing my neck.

My eyes shifted to the table where the gun casually laid, unloaded and angled towards the worn out couch to the right side of me. I couldn’t figure out why I hadn’t just upped and left the second the game was over but now it was like I was permanently glued to this chair, like I’d relaxed a bit too much and melted into the chair, it was like me and the chair had become one.

”You and I are not so different you know.” Harry continued to speak in a soft, mellow voice as he exposed my neck. I could feel his heavy breath inch closer and closer to my exposed skin as he stood leaned over behind me. ”You should just come work for me instead-” Harry’s seductive voice filled my ears, sending shivers down my spine as he got even closer to my delicate skin. I could feel the hairs on my neck rise as his heavy breathing hit my delicate skin.

I was once again caught off guard as Harry placed his soft, slightly moist lips against my neck. This time I didn’t shy away, not only was I molded into the chair but I was also once again paralyzed. This time it wasn’t due to an overwhelming amount of stress but something else, something different.

Harry continued to trail his lips over my sensitive neck, his hands slowly exploring the bare skin on my arms as he stood behind me. My eyes shifted from the gun on the table towards the grey concrete wall on the other side of the room. I tried to focus on the graffiti on the wall as I internally tried to figure out why I was still paralyzed. I should’ve run by now, every sensible thing inside my body tells me to run, yet here I am completely stuck on an old, squeaky chair.

I released a quiet moan as Harry continued to assault my neck with his lips. His soft voice continued to hum against my skin as I tried to keep my composure in the old chair. It wasn’t like I was totally numb to Harry’s attempt at seduction, he’s an attractive guy, it was just that this whole situation happened to be absurd to me. Who tries to seduce someone five minutes after playing a death game with them.

”I could use some pretty girls around me.” Harry continued to whisper sweetly as he trailed his lips all the way down my neck. I let out another soft moan as I felt his warm mouth on my neck.

”You don’t have enough of those already?” I tried to quietly object but his lips were distracting me and for some reason, I wasn’t stopping him.

”None as pretty as you baby.” Harry replied cheekily as he slowly removed the other strap of my top as well.

”Sure.” I replied as I turned my head so he could watch me roll my eyes at him. ”You want me to work for you?” I emphasized the word me as I stared at him with skeptical eyes.

”Yeah, I could use a girl with some attitude.” Harry grinned as he traced his index finger over my jawline and down to my chin. He directed me by my chin, forcing me to stare straight into his eyes as he waited for my response.

”Yeah right, and what do you think my dad will do once he finds out?” I argued back equally as skeptic as before.

Harry didn’t reply to that, instead he led my face towards his and before I could object, his soft delicate lips pressed firmly up against mine. They felt just as warm and soft against my lips as they’d felt against my neck and for a moment I instinctively closed my eyes to enjoy the moment. I could feel myself relax as Harry continuously pressed his open mouth against mine. I swallowed his hot breath as he breathed heavily into my mouth, his tongue gracing my bottom lip as he patiently waited for me to grant him full entrance.

I slowly parted my lips and Harry was quick to slide his tongue inside my mouth. He slowly scoot the chair back, pushing himself as his tall body in front of me as I tilted my neck up to meet his mouth.

He grabbed a hold of my waist, urging me to stand up all while continuing the kiss. I stood up in my heels for the first time in what felt like ages and without another word, Harry twirled me around so that I was now with my back against the old table. He lifted me up onto the table with one swift motion and without breaking away from the kiss. My hands instinctively searched for his neck, urging him closer to me as he continued to devour me with his mouth.

”My dad’s gonna kill me.” I whispered through my heavy panting.

Harry flashed me a cheeky grin as he placed his hands on my inner thighs, his palms gently tracing up my stockings and over my garter belt.

”He doesn’t have to know.” Harry whispered as he continued to trace his hands up my inner thighs, pushing my short black skirt up my legs.

”Hmm.” I hummed as I felt his large hands slide over the thin fabric of my panties. I let out a soft sigh as his hand gently slid between my legs, caressing me through my panties.

”I mean I’m not gonna tell him, are you?” Harry raised his eyebrows at me cockily. His grin, teasing and taunting as ever.

”No.” I whispered quietly as I felt Harry’s hot breath brush against my lips.

The two of us stared at each other with hunger in our eyes and without another word, his lips came clashing down on mine. I let out another soft moan as Harry pushed himself towards me, forcing me to lean further back against the table.

Harry moved his hand over my panties, his fingers pressing gently against my clit as he rubbed me through the fabric. I could feel my body respond immediately to his touch, the butterflies in my stomach quickly awakened and I could feel myself get wet in between my legs.

Harry kept pushing his lips onto mine, forcing my body further back and down onto the wooden table. Soon he was hovering me as I laid with my upper body on the table. His hands continued to caress my face as he removed his lips from my face and continued to trail them down my neck and body.

”No one has to know, it’ll be our little secret.” Harry whispered as he continued to explore my body with the palm of his hands.

I mewled softly as he grabbed a hold of my breasts, kneading them together through my tight top and push-up bra.

”I swear to God if you tell anyone, I’ll kill you.” I tired to come off as a threat but really, if anyone found out and the word somehow got to my dad or brother I’m sure I would be the dead one.

”Aw don’t worry Darling, you can be my pretty little secret.” Harry grinned seductively as he continued to travel down my body. I watched as he slowly inched his fingers between the waistband of my skirt, he urged me to lift my hips so that he could pull it down properly and I didn’t object.

I watched as he peeled the cotton fabric off my body, exposing the black laced panties I was wearing beneath it. Harry licked his lips as his hands continued to trail down my garter belt and over my stockings. I felt a small shiver run through my spine as Harry’s hands slid all the way down to my ankles, exploring every bump and crease on my body before letting me go.

I watched as Harry stood between my knees, his hands slowly reaching to unzip his black jeans before getting rid of his torn up t-shirt. My eyes scanned down his lean body, it was full of scars and tattoos that was everything from a homemade scribble to a large artistic piece of art. I’m sure every tattoo had a different meaning but to me they just looked like a jumbled up mess. He was tattooed all the way up his arms, neck and had several pieces scattered across his chest and torso. Besides the scar on his forehead and neck there was also a large faded scar by his stomach and one near the side of his ribcage. They looked like stab marks and I know this wasn’t the right time to ask but I was still curious what had happened to him.

Harry peeled off his jeans and I watched as he was left in a black pair of boxers. His legs also had multiple tattoos scattered all over them, it was everything from a random tiger drawing to a mandala and other random objects. His whole body looked like a whole notepad. I watched in silence as Harry began to slowly peel off his boxers, my eyes widened at the sight of his cock, it was probably the only thing on his body besides his face that wasn’t tattooed.

Feeling a little shy I shifted my eyes towards Harry’s V-line that could be seen through the black inc. Harry let out a soft chuckle as he looked down at me.

”You shy all of a sudden?” He asked tantunginly as he watched my gaze shift away completely from his body. It wasn’t that I’d never seen a dick before, it was just weird to see him naked. I know him as my dads rival and seeing him naked is quite absurd.

”No.” I replied swiftly. My eyes quickly shifted to his eyes in an attempt to prove to him that I wasn’t gonna shy away from his gaze.

”I think you are.” Harry teased me as he stood between my knees, his upper body leaning over me so that he could seductively whisper the words into my ear.

”I’m not.” I argued back with confidence.

”Yeah? You ever been with a man this big before? Think you can’t handle it?” Harry jokingly teased me as he played with the straps of my garter belt.

”I know I can.” I spit back with confidence.

”Are you sure?” Harry whispered teasing as he slid one of his hands over my panties while his other hand reached back down to stroke his own cock. He was already hard enough and my body was more than ready for him to enter me at this point. Harry didn’t really strike me as a foreplay kind so I didn’t expect him to beat around the bush too much.

”Give it to me and I’ll prove it.” I replied sassily and Harry snorted out a soft chuckle.

”So feisty.” He hummed approvingly. ”I like that.” Harry said as he flashed me a pleased grin. I playfully wiggled my eyebrows at him as I watched him slowly hook his fingers between my panties.

I lifted my hips off the table as I watched him slowly peel them down my legs.

”Wait.” I let out a soft giggle as I felt the panties pull at my garter belt. I quickly helped Harry free my panties from the garter belt and without any further struggles, I laid back down with my pussy completely exposed to him.

Harry slid two of his fingers between my slit to explore how wet I was. I didn’t realize how wet I actually was until I felt his rough skinned fingers slide into my tight core. I let out a deep moan as I laid back on the table, I could feel my toes curl inside my ankle boots as I pressed my feet firmly against the concrete floor beneath me.

”Mm fuck, that’s a nice wet pussy.” Harry stated with a deep hum as he felt my walls clench around his two fingers while they buried themselves inside me.

”Don’t get a lot of those, do you?” I teasingly called back with confidence.

”Oh please.” Harry chanted as he rolled his eyes at me. ”I could get any pussy I want.”

”Except mine.” I retorted with a chuckle.

”I’m getting yours right now, aren’t I?” Harry replied cockily as he slowly slid his fingers inside me, his fingertips curving slightly in an attempt to reach my G-spot.

”What makes you think I’m gonna fuck you?” I grinned. ”I could just get up and leave.” I teased him as I leaned back up on my elbows to prove my point.

”You wanna leave, go ahead.” Harry smirked as he pulled his fingers out of my pussy and waved his hand towards the narrow hallway where I’d walked in about an hour ago. ”I’m not stopping you.” He pointed out as he stared down at me with his green eyes.

”Might as well finish what we started, don’t you think?” I whispered as I met his lustful gaze.

”Okay, but you should know I’m not into the usual vanilla stuff.” Harry said as a smug grin spread across his lips. ”I can get a little rough.”

”I can handle rough.” I replied with a cheeky grin.

”I figured.” Harry smirked as he grabbed onto my waist, he urged me closer to the edge of the table. ”You look like the kinda girl that likes it rough.” Harry noted, his smirk widening as he grabbed a hold of my ankles and guided them up onto his shoulders.

My lower back rested against the edge of the old wooden table and for a second all I could think was ”I hope I don’t get a splinter in my ass”. Harry aligned himself between my legs, the table was a little too short to match his height so he had to bend down slightly in order to align himself by my entrance.

My eyes traced up my own legs as I watched them rest on top of Harry’s shoulders, my heels were still clinging onto my foot and my stockings were still completely pulled up and attached to the garter belt. I continued to let my gaze wander towards Harry’s shoulders and the many different tattoos covering his chest.

”You do, don’t you?” Harry continued to grin as he stood in front of me. I watched as Harry leaned his head over slightly, his saliva began to dribble out of his mouth and suddenly I could feel the warm liquid drip down my exposed slit. I’d never had someone spit on my pussy before but damn, it was hot.

After a decent amount of Harry’s saliva made its way onto my bare skin, he reached down to use his rough fingers to spread it out over my already wet pussy. I let out a soft groan as I felt his fingertips rub roughly over my slit and clit, making my legs tremble against Harry’s shoulders.

”Fuck.” I moaned out loud as I felt him roughly rub his fingers over my sensitive clit. He leaned his head over again, this time he didn’t gently dribble the saliva through the air - instead, he gathered it in his mouth before roughly spitting it out of his mouth and onto my pussy.

The saliva pooled around my entrance and I watched with my elbows propped up against the table as Harry used his other hand to push two of his thick fingers inside me. He didn’t explore me softly or gently like before, instead he pumped his fingers in and out of my soaking wet cunt at an incredible speed that in combination with his rough movements over my clit made my entire body tremble.

”Ohhh fuck.” I moaned as the intense pleasure coursed through my body. I could feel my body rub against the old wooden table as Harry fingered me roughly, his fingers slamming into me with force as he continued to add more and more saliva to the mix. The rough movements over my aching clit in combination with his fingers was a deadly mix.

My hands clawed back against the old table as I felt his fingers buried deep inside me. His lips pursed into a cheeky grin as he watched me struggle on the worn out table. I couldn’t stop my stomach from clenching hard as he continuously hit the right spot inside me.

”Oh my God-” I whimpered loudly as I felt his rough fingers assault my clit while his index and middle finger slammed into me mercilessly. ”Fuuuck.” I moaned out loud as I watched Harry lean his head over again. My eyes followed the clear liquid as his spit traveled all the way through the air and down onto my pussy. ”I’m gonna-” I choked out as I pressed my ankles down against Harry’s shoulders in frustration. It was like I was no longer in control of my own body, I couldn’t control my movement or the intense pleasure I was feeling inside me.

”Fuck, I’m coming.” I called out loud as I felt the forceful pleasure take over my body. I could feel my legs twitch as the sweet orgasm conquered my entire body. One second my stomach was tense and the next second it was like there was a huge sigh of relief coursing through my entire body and I could feel my muscles relax as my pussy walls pulsated around his fingers.

At this point, I was soaked between myself, I could feel myself physically coming, squirting if you will, as Harry continuously pushed his fingers inside me like a jackhammer. I was breathless, panting, moaning and whimpering all at the same time and I didn’t know what else to do with myself at this point, the fact that Harry didn’t stop after I’d announced my orgasm to him made my struggle even harder, it was almost painful at this point but in a good aching way.

”Good girl.” Harry rewarded me with one of his signature smirks as he watched me come all over his fingers.

”Fuck me.” Was all I could physically choke out as I stared up at Harry in disbelief. I’d never been finger fucked like that before and if that’s how good he is with his fingers, I can’t wait to see how good he is with his cock.

”What’s that?” Harry held one of his hands up to his ear, pretending like he hadn’t heard my choked out request.

”Fuck me.” I ordered firmly as I looked up at him with fiery eyes.

Harry continued to grin teasingly as he removed both his hands from my pussy. He shifted between my legs and placed his cock on top of my already swollen pussy. After another little dribble of his spit, Harry began to slowly grind his cock against my slit, coating it in his own saliva and my juices.

”Now?” He asked teasingly as he pressed the tip of his cock against my sensitive clit.

”Stop fucking around and put it in me, Styles.” I growled in agony as I felt his length slide between my sensitive lips.

”Or what?” Harry continued to tease me like a taunting school boy.

”Or I’ll have my dad kill you!” I growled, voicing my frustration as he continuously grinded his cock against my pussy.

”Is that a threat Sweetie?” Harry flashed me a teasing smirk as he spoke to me in a taunting, condescending manner.

”It’s a fucking promise, try me!” I retorted roughly as I was starting to get frustrated with his teasing cock.

Harry’s smirk widened as he shifted his gaze towards my pussy. He released a soft little sigh before he grabbed a hold of his cock and roughly pushed it inside me. He didn’t hesitate or stop until he filled me up all the way, making me wince and moan at the same time.

”Holy fuuuuck.” I groaned out loud as I felt his full length inside me. His cock filled me up perfectly and I could feel every inch of him brush against my walls as they clung onto him.

”Damn.” Harry cussed under his own breath as he looked down at me.

”It’s so deep.” I choked out as my body was still struggling to get used to having his large cock inside me. I bit the corner of my lip as I looked up into Harry’s green eyes.

I could feel my legs strain and my ankles push down against his shoulders as he held me steady by my hips. He began to slowly move inside me, his eyes glued to my pussy as he watched his cock disappear inside me.

”Your pussy feels so fucking good.” Harry growled loudly as he looked down between my legs, his eyes obsessed with the way my pussy swallowed him up completely. ”I’m going to fucking ruin you!”

Harry began to grind into me with slow but forceful motions, his hips rolling into mine as I laid spread out on the table with my legs up in the air. I too watched as his cock disappeared inside me with every thrust. I could feel the muscles inside my thighs clench and the instinct to push them together was starting to slowly consume me. Harry quickly noticed this as he placed his palms against my inner thighs in order to keep them apart.

”God, it feels so good.” I moaned loudly as my eyes shifted towards Harry’s face. His brows were furrowed, his eyes squinting and his lips stuck between his gritted teeth. My gaze trailed down his neck tattoo and over his shoulders where my feet were dangling in the air as he pushed inside me. Harry had a lean body but his muscles became more apparent as he continued to thrust into me with force.

”Look how good you’re taking it!” Harry moaned as he ran both his hands up and down my legs, his fingers playfully pulling at my garters straps, making them snap against my thigh. ”You’re so wet, I’m fucking drowning in this pussy.” Harry groaned as he rolled his eyes back into his head.

The old wooden table squeaked against the concrete floor as Harry continued to push deep inside me. I could feel my body rock against the table but I was enjoying myself too much to even think about the potential splinters in my ass.

Harry leaned over the table and I swiftly ran my fingers up and down his back, my nails clawing at his skin as he pushed his cock deep into my dripping wet core.

”Open your mouth!” Harry ordered firmly as he reached down and grabbed my with his right hand. He squeezed me tightly between his fingers, forcing my mouth open before I could willingly do it for him.

Suddenly, I was caught off guard as Harry spit roughly into my mouth. He forced two of his fingers inside my mouth and rubbed his spit against my tongue.

”Stick your tongue out.” Harry ordered and I did as I was told, suddenly I felt very submissive under his touch even though we both knew I could be just as feisty and lethal as he was. It was a strange feeling but I was too turned on to analyze it further.

He spit into my mouth again and I playfully wiggled my tongue at him as he traced my lip with his fingertip. He playfully pulled my bottom lip down before he moved his fingertip to my chin, pushing it upwards as a way to silently tell me to close my mouth. I stayed silent with his saliva still inside my mouth as he moved his hand down my neck. His hand came to a stop just above my throat as he ordered me with one simple word to swallow.

I swallowed hard, obeying his every request as he continued to push his cock inside me. I was almost speechless at this point, I knew he said he could get rough but no one had ever spit into my mouth like that and I hate to admit it but it was kinda kinky and I liked it.

Harry didn’t remove his hand from my throat, instead he kept adding pressure to it as he continued to mercilessly thrust into me. The sound of his hips colliding with mine echoed through my ears and I could barely hear my own thoughts as Harry’s heavy panting filled the air.

”Keep going, God, don’t hold anything back.” I whimpered out loud as I looked up into Harry’s green eyes. My hands reached for Harry’s arm, my fingers sliding down his soft skin as he kept his palm on my throat. I gently squeezed his arm between the palm of my hands as I silently urged him to keep his hand around my neck.

”You look so good with my hand around your neck baby.” Harry growled as he realized that I wanted him to keep his hand on my neck. His fingers squeezed a little around my sensitive skin and I could feel myself struggle to get the heavy pants out of my mouth.

”You like it that much huh?” Harry asked teasingly as a soft smile crept across my face.

”Mhmm.” I hummed as I felt him squeeze harder around my neck, restricting my airways and the blood flow to my already malfunctioning brain.

Harry continued to pound into me, his hips roughly colliding with my thighs as he leaned over me, my legs were partially bent over backwards at this point as he hovered me on the table. I could feel the muscles in my thighs strain as my feet kept flailing in the air with every rough thrust.

My snug walls held on tightly to Harry’s cock and I could tell that he was enjoying himself from the many grunts and animalistic groans coming out of his dirty mouth. His lips stayed parted as his eyes focused on me and my facial expression. I could feel his grip around my neck tighten as my pussy clenched around his cock in anticipation. Neither one of us could wait any longer, our movements were rough, sloppy and filled with desire all at the same time.

”Don’t stop! Please don’t stop!” I begged through my restrained breathing as I looked up into Harry’s green eyes. ”I’m so fucking close.” I cussed as loudly as I could while struggling to breathe properly.

”Me too.” Harry growled loudly, his hot breath tickling my face and he hovered me. He held onto me for dear life and for a second it felt like he was gonna break me by the way his hand gripped my throat and his hips collided with my body.

I could feel my pussy clench tighter and tighter around Harry’s thick shaft, every muscle inside my body was clenching as I struggled to hold back my orgasm as long as I possibly could.

”Ohhhhh.” Harry let out a long drawn out growl as I let my fingers rake down his arm. His grip on my neck got even tighter as I scratched at his skin with my nails.

”Come inside me baby.” I encouraged him as I realized that he was just about to come. I closed my eyes as I felt his cock twitch inside me. Harry pounded his full length into me as he got more and more desperate for his orgasm to come. Another long drawn out growl filled the air as he pushed himself deep inside me.

”Yessss.” I moaned out loud as I clawed at his arm. My body began to tremble as I felt the orgasm rip through me. I couldn’t hold it back any longer and neither could Harry as he emptied himself inside me, his thrust continuing as he forcefully pushed his come into me over and over again.

I reached down with one hand to rub my clit in a comforting, grinding manner as the orgasm ripped through me. I could feel my body slowly relax as I continuously rubbed my sensitive nub in small circles. The sparks of electricity traveled through me quickly, numbing the muscles that had previously clenched so hard to hold back the orgasm.

”Fuck, that was so good.” I moaned as I looked down between my legs, I watched as Harry slowly pulled back his cock. I could feel his come drip out of me as he pulled his cock completely out of me. The white liquid slowly dripped down my thighs and onto the concrete floor beneath me and I just watched in silence as I tried to comprehend what had just happened.

”My dad’s gonna kill me if he finds out I’ve been sleeping with the enemy.” I was unaware that I’d said the words out loud until Harry responded to them.

”Are you sure you don’t wanna come work for me Darling, I think we would make a great team.” He grinned as he shifted his gaze from the mess between my legs to my face.

I skeptically shook my head as I snorted out a laughter between my gritted teeth.

”Fuck you."

MASTERLIST

#harry styles #harry styles smut #harry styles kink #harry styles story #harry styles fanfic #harry styles imagine #harry styles one shot #harry styles fic #my fic

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collidescopeeyes · 1 month

Text

Time is Roulette Whee: Swain WIP Pt3

“I'm not allowed to make deals with you anymore,” you tell the raven sternly on your next outing. “Also, that was very rude. It's not like dying is new to me, but some warning would have been nice. Not that I think you can talk, per se. I mean, you have those creepy whispers, but I don't know the demonic language. I can probably guess what you're trying to get at, though, and no. I'm not letting you rip my head open for juicy tidbits, and also, I'm not making any bargains to free you from Swain's control. Anything you know he knows anyway, and he's less likely to fuck me over than a literal demon. Especially one that very rudely let's me get my throat shrapneled from the inside.”

The raven caws from your shoulder. “Yeah, that's what I thought,” you grouch.

—

You don't do much over the next month, honestly. Once every few days or so, a raven arrives with an envelope clutched it's beak, and inside is a time you're to arrive at Swain's office, wrangle Raum under control, and chat. He seems to like talking to you, or at least you assume that's why he keeps doing it. You do occasionally feel like you're on the business end of a reconnaissance mission, but you can't imagine knowing your opinion on yordles somehow gives Noxus an edge on their many conquests. No, at this point you figure that Swain just has an intense demeanor that makes him seem like he's always doing something important, even when he's just asking you how your days been, or how you're settling in, or your thoughts on the book you were reading. That last one might be a reminder that you're under constant surveillance, actually, but it's not like you particularly care. Spending years in a nightmarish hellscape completely isolated save for the inhuman monsters trying to kill you kind of maxed out your lifetime requirement for alone time. Besides, you're pretty sure the birds can't open doors or unbar windows, and if you really wanted privacy you could always rewind yourself to Piltover or something. Still, you leave your window open for the birds most days.

—

The bird on your windowsill caws to get your attention. You wave it over without looking, focused on your book and your breakfast. Noxus probably would've been higher on your list of leads if you knew their food was so good, honestly. Who knew artisanal bread and cheese could elevate a grilled cheese sandwich so much?

The bird lands on your table, Swain's fancy envelope in beak. You wedge your bookmark in place and take it with your clean hand, breaking the crimson red seal and fishing the card out one handed. “Three pm,” you read aloud, tossing the card back on the table. “Standard Raum wrangling duty, it seems.”

The bird croaks at you. You shrug. “I don't make the rules.” You rip off a piece of crust to feed to it, then frown. “Come to think of it, how do you work, anyway? Does Swain see everything you see, or do you just report the important stuff to him?” You frown. “That would be awkward. He is technically my boss. That being said, respect for authority was never my strong suit.” You consider the bird a moment, then turn back to your meal. “Ah, whatever. He has like a hundred of you running around. I'm sure he's not paying attention to me telling you about embarrassing things I did in primary school. Hell, maybe it'll convince him to stop having you follow me around.”

—

“I can hear everything you say, and no, the inanity of your conversation is not going to convince me to leave a mage of your caliber unchecked,” he says by way of introduction that afternoon.

You blink, shutting the door behind you. “I’m not a mage.”

He raises a brow. “Oh? How does one traverse the Void without magic, then?”

You shrug as you seat yourself across from him. He changed the chair out shortly after your first visit–it’s nicer now, with actual padding. You wonder if that's for your benefit, or if someone got the other one broken over their head. “It's a secret. Hand,” you wiggle your fingers at where his left arm lies hidden inside his imposing military coat.

“Would you tell me in exchange for a recommendation to a cake shop?” He asks, placing his red-lit palm in yours. His tone is dry, but there's an edge of sincerety there that makes you think he's not entirely joking. “They make a lovely lemon meringue.”

You click your tongue. “Sorry, no dice. Besides, I'm sure you can figure it out from the tidbit your birdie already got out of me.”

“I understand it was a Voidspawn that took you from your world, and I take it your powers are a result of harnessing whatever you found there,” he says offhandedly. “What I don't understand is how you came to be here.”

You glance up at him. He has that look again, the one that makes you feel vaguely like a butterfly pinned to a board, like he wants to peel you open and see what's inside. “If I knew that, I probably wouldn't still be here.”

“Hm. I hope you know I won't be opening any Void Rifts on your behalf,” he says casually. “Far too much cleanup.”

“If you can find me a trajectory through a hellish nightmare void that defies time, space and euclidean geometry, I will personally slaughter every Voidspawn from here to the nearest Shuriman Rift,” you say cheerfully.

He raises a brow. “Not overselling yourself, I hope?”

You shrug. “I don't die. Don't strictly need to eat or sleep because of that, either. And believe me, I know how to kill Voidspawn.”

“You also take several hours to revive,” he points out. “Hardly time efficient.”

You shake your head. “Reality is…rigid, here. Inflexible. Not the Void. Those things bring a little bit of nothingness with them. Makes it easy to change things, change me.” You frown at his hand, trying to find your way around your curse. “First time I died after coming here, it was morning by the time I woke up, and I was not happy about it.”

“Hm. How fast would you say, with exposure to Void energy? Minutes?” He peers intently at your expression. His brow hitches. “Seconds?”

“I can neither confirm nor deny,” you say breezily. “And if you don't mind, I'd rather change the subject, before I say something I shouldn't and end up spitting blood in your face.”

He grimaces. “Very well. What would you like to speak about, then?”

You blink. “Yknow, you're different from what I was expecting.”

He raises a brow. “Oh? And what did you know of me, before you met me?”

You open your mouth, except you have no idea how to answer that question. “I don't think I can fully answer that,” you say slowly.

“Partially, then,” he says.

You frown at him. “Hey, you were following me for weeks before we met, and you don't see me interrogating you about what you know about me, other than that I like lemon meringues.”

He blinks. “I did not know you liked lemon meringues, just sweets. And putting aside what you have willingly divulged to my birds, I know that you're stubborn, intelligent, pragmatic, and more ruthless than you like to pretend you are. You go out of your way to help others, but pain doesn't seem to phase you anymore and without that nothing in this world seems to pose any real threat to you, so the life-threatening risks you take aren't particularly high-stakes for you. You subject yourself to the mundanities of human life your powers could erase the need for–food, water, rest, walking to places you've been or practicing a knife when you could unmake a city. You don't shy away from your powers, so you must not think they pose any threat, but you don't use them as a crutch either–that leads me to believe you mistrust them, perhaps that they'd desert you once you return to your world. Please, correct me if I'm wrong on any of those counts,” he says, spreading his free hand invitingly. You don't. “There. I've told you all I know about you.”

You raise a brow at him. “I know you didn't tell me all that just to hear about yourself,” you say dryly, and release his hand. “But if you really must…I know you get kick out of getting under people's skin.”

He smirks. Whatever answer he was looking for, that was apparently good enough. He's handsome when he smiles–well, he's handsome all the time, but in the same way a classical statue is, a cold and untouchable sort of beauty. When he smiles, that wicked little twist on his lips, it makes him look human. Not quite approachable, but at least like someone that lives on the same plane of existence as you. “I can neither confirm nor deny. You may restore the walls of Bitharix tomorrow at your convenience. That will be all.”

“Yes, sir,” you say with a mock salute, rising from your seat as he returns to his work.

“The shop is called Halcyon, and it's near the war memorials,” he says as you turn to leave. You look back to him, taken aback.

“Are you just telling me that because I wasn't expecting you to, and you like throwing me off?” You ask skeptically, though there's mirth in your voice.

“I decided I should reward you for your rare approximation of respect,” he drawls.

“If I'd known I got a reward for being a good girl I'd have done it sooner, sir,” You say teasingly, because spending years in the Void talking to yourself just to stay sane has really done nothing good for your already tenuous brain-mouth connection. Swain looks up at you, brow raised, and the satisfaction you derive from his taken aback expression is almost enough to cancel out the fact that you just hit on your boss.

…Your boss, Jericho Swain, Grand General of Noxus, who you have to look in the eye in a scant few days. Who, judging by the smirk curling on the edge of his lips, has no doubt cottoned on from your deer in headlights that you weren't just fucking with him, and you've completely lost why opportunity to play that off as a joke.

Welp. He might think you don't use your powers as a crutch, but you've never left somewhere so quickly in your life. You make your escape before he has the chance to say anything.

—

He doesn't call on you for a few days after, and you almost, almost put the incident out of your mind. You've had more embarrassing fuck-ups, you're sure, and honestly everything you've been through kind of puts social blunders into perspective on an odd way. You decide not to worry about it.

—

“What is that?” Swain asks, squinting at the paper bag you've deposited on his desk.

“A lemon meringue?” You say, plopping into your seat and wiggling your fingers at him.

“Why is it here?” He says. He doesn't even look at you when he puts his hand in yours, busy opening the packet to peer inside, as if you've somehow put a bomb in a clearly labeled baked goods bag.

You blink at him. “It's for you?” He gives you a blank look. “I figured you liked them, since you didn't know I did and you brought them up anyway. If you don't want it I'll take it. You were right, though, they're amazing.”

“Hm. No, I'll take it. My thanks,” he says. There's a strange look in his eye when he regards you. “Is there something you want?”

You consider him. “People don't often just do nice things for you without wanting something in return, do they?”

“Implying you don't want something from me?” He asks.

You pointedly do not think about your last encounter. “Well, sure, but you know what I want.”

“Do I?” He says, his voice low and considering. His palm is warm in yours. You're so fucking made.

You resist the urge to squirm. You've spent years in the Void, whatever this is can't be worse. “Look, if this is about what I said last time–”

“It's not,” he says easily, completely derailing what was about to be a very awkward apology about your lack of professionalism. Not that you'd ever had much of that. Before you can ask what the fuck that means, he hands you a sheet of paper. “In any case, your services are required in Ionia. We will be departing tomorrow morning. The details are there.”

You scan the piece of paper, which is part mission detail and part itinerary. “We?” You ask, flipping the page over. “Wait, you got the Leviathan back? Didn't Gangplank steal that?”

He grimaces. “Yes. Captain Fortune returned it after she deposed her predecessor, as a gesture of peace towards Noxus.”

You glance up at him. “Did it work?”

A smirk pulls at his lips. “For now. Bilgewater is more useful to me as it is now. Besides, bringing that mis-managed shantytown to heel would be far more effort than it's worth.”

“Would be useful to have serpent callers on staff, though,” you point out idly. “If there's one thing I'm not going to miss about this world, it's the sea monsters.”

“A fair point,” he says thoughtfully. “Though I must say that relying on the favor of a god sits ill with me.”

You shrug. “Can't say I know much about Nagakaborous, but gods can be brought to heel like anything else. Look at Aurelion Sol.”

He gives you a sharp look. “The celestial dragon? What about it?”

You blink. “Oh. I suppose that would predate your demon. The Aspects enslaved it using a magic crown and bent it to the will of the Ancient Shuriman’s, creating the god warriors which ultimately led to the civilizations downfall. As far as I know he's still floating around Targon doing their bidding. When I tracked him down, he refused to help without the crown being removed, and putting aside how long I'd be comatose for if I tried to undo however many thousands of years, I'm pretty sure he intends to blow up the planet if he gets free.”

There's a predatory gleam in his eye. “I see. What else do you know, about the Aspects?”

You raise a brow. “If you're expecting me to sit here and lay out the secret history of Runeterra, you're at least buying me dinner.” Shit. Wait. You've done it again.

He laughs, rich and dark. He turns his hand in yours, his clawed fingertips brushing over the inside of your wrist, where your pulse is currently thundering through your veins. “I can give you so much more than that, dear girl. Tell me, what is it you're craving today?”

…You're so fucked, and what's worse, he knows it.

—

Once you scraped your brain into your head, the first thing that came to mind to request for dinner that didn't involve clothes coming off was steak. You spend an hour comparing your understandings of the Aspects, Mount Targons general political landscape and possible resources, and you go into a impassioned aside about how the cosmic dragon that created the stars in your sky was a pretentious prick. He does, in fact, get you dinner–which is to say, the tower has its own kitchen staff, and he invites you to dine with him. He's actually very cordial–for all that talking to him sort of feels like you're somehow being played, he also holds open the door and pulls out your chair. You notice he only uses his demonic arm in front of you–in the hall, he keeps it tucked away in his coat when you're walking, but as soon as the serving staff have filed out of the room he's back to normal.

“How many people know about Raum?” You ask, cutting into your food. It is, of course, excellent.

“Only the Trifarix, Katarina Du Couteau, and you,” he says. “More convenient to have our enemies underestimate me as a cripple, and those who witness my powers firsthand don't tend to survive the experience.”

You glance at him. “Is it really that bad, that you lost an arm?” He raises a brow at you, and you wave a hand. “Not as in–look, I've been dismembered before and it fucking sucks, but what I mean is…I don't think having two arms is what makes you dangerous.”

For a moment a bittersweet smile pulls at his lip. “Things were different under Darkwill. Martial strength was all that Noxus valued, and that is one of the many reasons it was rotting from the inside. It's a mentality some still share, inside Noxus and out.”

You snort. “Like it matters how good someone is in a fistfight when they have a fortress and an army?”

“Some would describe that as cowardice,” he points out mildly.

“I'd call it pragmatism,” you retort. “Do you frequently say the opposite of what you mean just to see if people will agree with you?”

He smirks. “No. But I don't particularly care for most people's opinions.” Implying he cares about yours? “Wine?” He offers.

(The wine is, of course, as excellent as the food.)

—

“When you said morning, you did not say pre-sunrise,” you grouch, huddling under your new coat. The wind is bitingly cold in the harbor; Swain seemed unbothered by it, though it sends his coat flaring dramatically around him. The upper deck has a balcony that leads directly to his quarters, and he cuts an imperious figure overseeing the Leviathan's launch.

“Not a morning person, I take it?” He drawls, as if he doesn't know damn well from his birds.

“There are three things that wake me up in a good mood–sex, food, and coffee, in that order,” you say archly. “And I don't imagine you have an eggs benedict and a vanilla latte under that coat.”

He raises a brow. “Unfortunately, no.”

Hm. That's a surprisingly lukewarm response. You pause, finally taking a good look at him. “You look tired,” you say, noting the shadows under his eyes. Exhausted would probably be the better term.

“Yes,” he agrees. “There was much to do before we left, and I hadn't planned on our talk being quite so engaging.”

You hold out your hand and wiggle your fingers at him. He glances at you curiously, but places his gloved hand in yours. You rewind him back to rested, and his brows hitch. “Convenient,” he notes.

“I'm not doing that on the regular, and I don't care how efficient you'd be if you didn't need to sleep,” you tell him bluntly, releasing his hand. “Even without the physiological side effects, there are deep-seated psychological ramifications to not sleeping you really do not want to mess with.”

“I'll take your word for it,” he says. “I appreciate the assistance, but the reason I called you here is because there's been a slight change of plans. You'll be serving as my primary bodyguard for the duration of this trip, not just part of my entourage.”

You raise an eyebrow at him. “Do you need a bodyguard?”

“No, but the Ionians’ don't know that, and I'd prefer it to stay that way,” he allows. “That does however mean that I expect you to stay by my side, unless I explicitly order otherwise.”

You nod. Internally, your head is in your hands. You're sure that being next to him all day will have only positive effects on whatever bizarre game of cat and mouse you're in with the man. Which, now that you think of it, you're not entirely sure if he's trying to seduce you, use you for the good of Noxus, or just enjoys fucking with you. Probably all of them, to some extent or another.

He turns to look at you, considering. Then he looks back over the still-grey horizon. “Your quarters are there. I suppose I won't take issue if you chose to return to bed. We are still in Noxian waters, after all.”

And little acts of kindness like that are doing nothing to help you make up your mind.

#league of legends x reader #league x reader #reader fic #leauge of legends #x reader #f!reader #reader #my fics: tiarw #swain lol #swain x reader #WIPs

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destinysbounty · 2 years

Text

Alright its elemental roulette AU time again, whether you like it or not! (for those of you who are curious, you can check out all my other posts about it here: 1, 2, 3)

Jay being Samurai X in this AU is pretty self-explanatory, so i probably dont need to talk about it in too much depth. But I will anyway!

In this version of events, Jay managed to perfect his mechanical wings, and then expanded it into a big ol flying suit of armor. So, think Samurai X mech, but crossbreed it with like, the Sonic Raider Jet or something. But also theres a distinctly comic-book-superhero flair to it all because of course there is, this is Jay we're talking about.

Same as canon, Samurai X starts making appearances, he begins upstaging the ninja, and its established that the current ninja team is full of angsty perfectionists, so OBVIOUSLY they all hate his guts. Jay is a little gremlin, though, and their frustration only encourages him to upstage them even more.

Eventually they do discover his real identity and meet him, and maybe realize they were being a bit too harsh when they should have been more appreciative of his support. So they invite Jay into the fold of their operations.

Jay may be a comparative rookie, but hes got the motivation. See, his parents were attacked by Fangpyres and got turned into Serpentines, and he figures that if stopping Pythor and co. can get him any closer to finding a cure for them, then he has to try. If nothing else, he can at least get some well-deserved revenge. And once he learns about the Great Devourer situation, he definitely doesnt want that to happen. Basically, hes motivated by the recent rise in Serpentine activity.

(Im also currently toying with the idea that Jay was turned Serpentine as well. I dont wanna elaborate on this point too much since im not certain i'll keep it, but its definitely something to think about.)

Regardless of motivation, Jay is more than happy to join the team. After all, who in their right mind would turn down an invitation to join a kickass team of superpowered crimefighters, as well as the opportunity to be trained by the son of a literal diety??? Sign him up!

....he did not realize what he was signing up for. The comic books did not prepare him for how traumatic saving the world can be. He would like a refund please

Of course, this realization doesnt strike until Zane's death. Jay's first real experience with loss. Sure, their battles have been scary and dangerous, but watching a friend die...watching a friend die to save the world...thats when it hits him that being a hero comes with a price. So he throws in the towel and bails.

That is, until Wu approaches him, saying that the ninja have all gone missing (bc they went to Chen's island without telling anyone). And well, Jay has lost one friend already, and it sucks. But hes not going to sit by and lose everyone else who matters to him, too. So he warily takes up his old Samurai X mantle again and sets out to find his friends.

So yeah Jay and Dareth team up on Chen's island and it is just as chaotic as you might imagine.

Also, i feel the need to point out that Jays stuff isnt all sleek and modern like Nya's. He doesnt have a secret base, he just tinkers away at his parents' scrapyard. He canonically doesnt know the proper name for an exhaust valve. His mechs and weapons do not look like they should operate by any stretch, but somehow they DO.

Nya got to the island by using holograms to disguise her vehicle. But in this AU, Jay gets to the island by building a shoddy jetplane out of spare tractor parts and crashing it into the side of a volcano.

Jay's strange blend of competence and incompetence only makes Morro hate him even more. By all rights, this chaotic grease monkey and living embodiment of the knife-cat meme should NOT be able to defeat him. That rusty mech thats really just a glorified trashcan should not be able to throw Morro through several concrete walls. And yet here we are.

Jay, meanwhile, delights in tormenting Morro. Because of course he does.

Now, he and Nya do still have their falling out, but its not due to a love triangle or anything. Its bc Jay bailed out after Zane's death, Nya got upset at him, and in the ensuing fight over it they both said some...pretty hurtful things. And over time they work on repairing their relationship again, but it still takes a long time before theyre ready to be a couple again.

Im currently torn between three possibilities. 1) Chen reveals the truth of his elemental power to him. 2) Jay spontaneously manifests lightning one day and everyone is very confused. 3) One of his Skybound wishes results in the discovery of his elemental power. Im a bit fond of option 3, if only bc that opens the opportunity for Skybound to focus more heavily on the adoption subplot, and would naturally build up to a true potential sequence at the end.

If so, maybe the wish that would have revealed Cliff Gordon's death ends up instead revealing his elemental power to him, forcing him to reconcile his birth parentage in the weirdest way possible. Idk id have to think about it, i havent seen Skybound in a while.

I think Jay does choose to be a ninja instead of a samurai, if only to feel closer to his birth-mother and to carry on her legacy/learn more about her, but still keeps a lot of gadgets and doohickeys on his person. The harness thingie on his Wildbrain gi? It serves as a holster for his various inventions and bizarre, unorthodox weapons.

Jay spends a decent chunk of time thinking he has no elemental powers, so he and Misako strike up an unexpected camaraderie as a result of thinking theyre the only non-elementals on the team. Wu is an elemental master and specializes in training others like him, but Misako isnt, and since spinjitzu is a bit different for those without elemental powers she offers to train Jay.

Jay may not be the strongest or most powerful fighter, but give him a paperclip and some dental floss and he'll find a way to macgyver your downfall. Its only when hes cornered into a hand-to-hand confrontation without any weapons that he tends to falter. Take away his gadgets and he starts to have issues, since he has zero combat training. So yeah he is in dire need of Misako's guidance.

And hey, maybe this is a good opportunity to explore Misako's character as well! Maybe they share a heart to heart, where Jay laments being abandoned and Misako reluctantly shares her motives and turmoil over leaving her son. Maybe she gets some character development. Oh! And maybe Jay sometimes joins her on expeditions.

Once Ray and Maya are saved, Jay and Cole very sheepishly ask them if they knew their mothers. And during the timeskip after season 7 they spend many nights hanging at the blacksmith shop, listening to Ray and Maya recount the good ol days.

And for the record, YES. Cole and Jay are still besties in this AU. Their dynamic is deeply important to me.

I also wanna redo Prime Empire to focus more on Jay's abandonment issues and you cant stop me.

For the purposes of this AU ive decided to replace Wojira with two new deities, one of lightning and one of ice. This means that Jay and Zane are both eligible to get Nyad-ified at the end of Seabound. Which one it happens to remains undetermined atm, altho im admittedly leaning a bit more towards Jay. If only because the mental image of Jay being made of pure lightning, and wanting to kiss Nya goodbye before vanishing into the sky but not being able to touch her without zapping her...yeah that concept is gonna live in my head rent-free for at least an hour

Its not much, but those are the broad strokes of what i have for Jay so far!

#ninjago #jay walker #morro #morro ninjago #wu #wu ninjago #zane julien #zane ninjago #nya smith #nya jiang #nya ninjago #lloyd garmadon #misako montgomery garmadon #elemental roulette au #destiny post

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nokingsonlyfooles · 9 months

Text

WTYP: The Shandor Building, Part 6

[Do you like the colour of the fanfic? This is long and if you expand it you're gonna get the whole thing, because Tumblr hates you. Don't say I didn't warn you!]

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

Part 6: Disaster Roulette: Crack Open a Cold One

[Beware of strong language, mention of all kinds of death, gore, and Lovecraftian horror.]

[SLIDE: Utter darkness, with an All Hail Gozer logo in the corner.]

[screaming, pandemonium]

A: I’m sorry! Oh, God, I’m sorry! I have anxiety!

D: No! I know you do! It’s my fault!

L: Are we dead?

D: I shouldn’t have said “engineering disaster,” it’s my fault…

R: Alice, where are we?

A: Oh, God, I’m sorry, it’s the Kursk! [weeping] We’re going to be trapped here for over six hours and then we’ll be comrade-kebabs!

L: I’m an anarchist.

A: For fuck’s sake, Liam, would it kill you to let me die with a little fucking solidarity? [plays “The East is Red”]

R: Alice, you have your laptop?

L: Do we still have our laptops?

D: Feels like a laptop…

A: IT’S A POTASSIUM-BASED AIR FILTER DON’T BLOODY TOUCH IT!

[clattering, thud]

[more screams]

L: Jesus…

R: Pretty sure that’s a laptop.

D: Turn up the brightness!

R: That’s bad for the battery life…

D: Just turn up the fucking brightness!

[SLIDE: The Kursk.]

L: How the fuck do we still have laptops and sound equipment?

A [giggling]: Oh, my God, we chose the form of an engineering disasters podcast. Of course we have our laptops and sound equipment! I’m going to tweet that we’re trapped in a well-known Russian submarine disaster and we need help!

D [gravely]: Alice, Alice… No, Alice. It’s… It’s…

R: It’s “X” now.

D: Twitter can’t help us now. Twitter is gone.

A [desperate]: What about Tumblr?

D [pained]: I suppose you might as well try.

D [text over slide]: I EDITED A BIT HERE.

A [sobbing]: It’s no good. I got cancelled for assuming the submarine’s pronouns and now they’re just doing discourse.

D [gently]: It’s all right, darling. Just mute the alerts now. Oh, and Tumblr Live, too, obviously. Thank you for trying.

R: I’ve got that Mastodon thing…

D: Oh, fuck off!

A: Nobody’s on fucking Mastodon.

L: If man were meant to toot, God would’ve given us trunks! It’s a stupid platform and a stupid animal! It’s just an elephant with shag carpeting and no charisma. I’m glad they’re extinct. The extinction of mastodons is the one good thing global warming ever did for us! I hope science brings ‘em back from the grave so I can personally participate in wiping those useless motherfuckers off the map again. I ordered a mastodon hoagie at Wawa the other day and it was rubbery and tasteless — because it had been at the back of the freezer for ten-thousand years. That’s how unpopular mastodon is! It’s not even any good with extra mayo! Nobody loves you, mastodons! Nobody thinks you’re cool! I respect you almost as little as I respect fish!

[groaning, shuddering, splashing]

A: Oh, fuck, does Gozer like mastodons? Liam…

R: “Mastodon” is from the Latin for “breast-like tooth.”

L: If Gozer likes mastodons, I’m gonna drive to xyr house — or temple, or whatever — and beat xem to death with my shoes. I am done with mastodons, I am done with this whole fucking experience! I am reviewing your studio on Yelp right now and you are getting no stars! None!

[creaking, snapping sounds, more splashing]

A: Fuck, Liam, you’re pissing xem off!

G: STO-O-OP!

[rumbling and crunching noises continue throughout]

D: No, wait… It’s a rant. [laughing] We chose the form of an engineering disasters podcast! Liam, keep going!

L: ICE AGE IS A TERRIBLE SERIES OF FILMS! MASTODONS RUINED IT!

A: Isn’t it supposed to be a woolly mammoth?

L: IT’S THE SAME THING!

R: Taxonomically, no, it’s not. Although they are related…

L: PROXIMITY TO MASTODONS RUINED ICE AGE, AS A FILM SERIES AND AS A GEOLOGICAL EPOCH! AND EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND!

A [laughing]: What? Are we running out of oxygen?

R: Yes. Also, Everybody Loves Raymond is a CBS sitcom, which aired from the mid-nineties to the mid-2000s. It was very popular in the US, but it proved difficult to export, so it’s not surprising you haven’t heard of it. It starred actor and comedian Ray Romano, who also voiced Manny the Mammoth…

L: THAT’S A STUPID FUCKING NAME!

A: Shouldn’t it be, er… Manny the Manmoth? That makes more sense. Although it does sound like he fights Mothman…

R: …in the Ice Age film series. Exporting Raymond was, in fact, a documentary on how difficult it was to translate the American Boomer experience to a foreign market…

D [amazed]: By God, we’re doing it! We’re podcasting!

R: Thank God for Wikipedia…

A: We’re still going to die, though, aren’t we, Dev?

D: Eventually, Alice, but maybe not in the Kursk!

A [anxious, but used to it]: Probably of prion diseases.

G: VERY WELL. SINCE WE ARE AT AN IMPASSE, YOU MAY CHOOSE ANOTHER FORM TO CONTINUE OUR FIGHT.

L [hopefully]: A lamassu?

R [low voice]: Unfortunately, we are not actually gods.

L: Damn.

D: No! I think we can do this! [to Gozer] We’re going to stick with the engineering disasters podcast!

G: YOU’RE NOT VERY IMAGINATIVE, ARE YOU?

D: No, we are, we’re just really jazzed about this form!

L: It’s comfy!

G: ALL RIGHT. SUIT YOURSELVES. I TIRE OF THE LEAKY METAL TUBE, AND I DO NOT HAVE THE PATIENCE TO SIT THROUGH SIX HOURS OF PODCASTING BEFORE I SET YOU ON FIRE! CHOOSE ANOTHER ENGINEERING DISASTER!

D: All right, now, let’s think about this…

A: Just something outdoorsy, please! I want to see the sun again!

Part 7

#wtyp #well there's your problem #ghostbusters #long reads #fanfic #fanfiction #crossover fic #gozer the gozerian #alice caldwell-kelly #liam anderson #justin roczniak #devon #engineering disasters #podcast

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mesillusionssousecstasy · 1 year

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Gossip Girl Reboot 2x06: Quotes

- “New Year, same naïveté ? (Luna) - That’s why she’s always had us. You know what to do.” (Monet)

- “She’s more delusional than liberal Ye fans.” (Luna)

- “Whoever this Graham person is, he’s lying to her. It’s time to do some digging. (Luna) - Um, any advice on how to damage control a sex tape that you never made and haven’t seen? (Monet) - You sure it’s not you? (Luna) - There’s a man in it. (Monet) - Well, you need to find out why someone used you name in order to clear it before Vivid has you listed between a Hogan and a Hilton.” (Luna)

- “Sorry. Slammed doing recon for Julien. (Luna) - Fine. Find the perpetrator, delete the video, and make sure no one ever thinks that I’ve ever stepped foot in Philly. They’re called flyover states for a reason.” (Monet)

- “Please don’t hurt me. (Kate) - You’re too small to hurt. I prefer a fair fight.” (Georgina)

- “You wanna be Monet de Haan so bad? Do what she would do. Figure it out on your own. Clear my name or I’ll destroy yours, okay?” (Monet)

- “Who have I become? (Max) - A bridezilla, apparently.” (Audrey)

- “Bad things always happen in threes. It’s gotta be uphill from here.” (Gideon)

- “I know that look. You’re having second thoughts. (Luna) - What if we don’t have the whole story? Outing him in front of his pregnant wife is a little extreme. (Julien) - Two words. “Pregnant. Wife. Look you’re a good person, Jules, which is why you always try to see the best in others. To your own detriment. Case in point, your dad. It’s high time we end centuries of women giving men the benefit of the doubt. If not for you, do it for Ashley. (Luna) - We take this Stop the Story live in five.” (Julien)

- “How much fucking money does your dad actually have? (Obie) - Well, Bezos once asked him for a loan.” (Aki)

- “So is the experience of my first time. You took that from me, and I can’t get it back.” (Zoya)

- “What am I going to do with you? (Obie’s mother) - Aside from, kick me out of my home and cut me off? I don’t know. I guess you could, uh, you could arrange fo my untimely death to silence me. (Obie) - Don’t be so sensational. (Obie’s mother) - You knew that I would do this, huh? You, uh.... Did you cut me off to discredit me? (Obie) - You should have paid far closer attention when Papa was teaching you how to place chess, mein Schatz.” (Obie’s mother)

- “I exposed things that I didn’t even understand. I broke you guys up. (Max) - No. Things were broken between us long before you, yes, maybe carelessly intervened. We had to go through what we went through to get here on this stage with you. (Roy) - We had to fall apart to put our family back together again.” (Gideon)

- “That two people, against all odds, managed to meet in this city and fall for one another...but then (Julien) - Have too much between them to ever make it work?” (Graham)

- “If we truly love something, we should be willing to let it go...” (GG)

- “It’s an unexpected but welcomed surprise. Not, really, I’m touched... (Zoya) - You can stop there. I don’t do feelings. Ew” (Monet)

- “This shit with my dad keeps fucking with my life.” (Julien)

- “That’s a lesson some never learn. Tightening their grip... around a promise that will never be. Which is the most dangerous thing of all.” (GG)

- “Did you know that you have four weak points of entry and a very pliable super?” (Georgina)

- “I thought you might say that, which is why I’m gonna help you learn how to be a true agent of chaos. (Georgina) - I don’ want your help. (Kate) - I’m not like those other teachers. I don’t sting, I burn.” (Georgina)

- “Don’t you love Russian roulette ?” (Georgina)

- “Because while being in control may be an illusion, spinning out of it is very, very real.” (GG)

#gg reboot #gg reboot 2x06 #gossip girl reboot 2x06 #gg reboot quotes #gg reboot 2x06 quotes #gossip girl reboot 2x06 quotes #gg hbo #gossip girl hbo

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ink-fireplace-coffee · 2 years

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okay, I'm really curious and I wanna know more about YASH. Do you have any Lore figured out for why people have powers? I mean, I read about the c-12 mutation, but why does a certain person get a certain power? Is it random? Or does it just happen. Why did Thira decide to become a therapist? How did she wind up doing it for people with powers? Was that always her plan? Why did the RSD choose her/how did they hear of her? And what about the RSD: are they actually "good guys" or are they trying to manipulate the heroes? What does the RSD think about the villains? (Do they need to die, or can they be "fixed"?)

Sorry for the massive spam of questions, but I'm v. curious about this story!! Stories revolving around superpowers are some of my favorites, because I really love the morality that gets pulled into all of it!! Seeing that morality was listed as one of the themes for YASH made me even more excited, not to mention positive portrayal of mental health stuff.

~ Morri 🗡(@memento-morri-writes)

oh my god I tried to resist the impulse to answer this ask when my exams were done BUT I can't soooo

thanks for asking Morri, and I hope you enjoy ranting hahaha

1. Im being completely shameless right now: the C-12 mutation comes from two different branches: one is My Hero Academia and the other is yours truly.

In case you are not familiar with My Hero Academia, people get their powers bc of an evolution of the species that leaves them without a tiny bone in one of the foot fingers (yes, so random).

Then there's my own thing: I have a genetic mutation called Factor 12 deficit or Hageman deficit and since last year more or less my whole live has gotten a but compromised about it? so I thought thst I might as well use it for something cool and give it abilities and powers (instead of you know playing Russian roulette everytime I get in a plane). The C part comes from Carmen bc I'm not original 👍🏻

Since the C-12 is a genetic mutation then you will get like this "families" or "blood lines" of people with abilities that have been increasing since it all started, and it's pretty weird for someone to not have the mutation but, of course, those people exist since genes don't usually work a 100% of the times (thanks, Mendel). Of course you have more chances of getting abilities if your parents have a higher percentage of the mutation themselves.

Now the type of ability is not in any way determined by whatever your parents have or don't. Usually it's a little of nature and nurture thing (so maybe if a pregnant person spends a lot of time by the sea, their child will have some kind of chances that their power has sth to do with the sea, but that's not "a given", there's always a lot of luck involved).

Another theory is more "mystical" and I like to call it The Zodiac Theory, because, as you might guess, it bases on the hypotheses that depending on the date, time and places you've born you will have one ability of another.

(this hypothesis does not explain however how pairs of twins do not have the same exact abilities, but it's a fun theory to have and has its lore like the zodiacs have irl. believe it or not is up to whoever at the end of the day)

2. Thira is what people in Clarelmar know as a Casualty Child: a child that has lost one or both paternal figures due to a major crisis (read a superhero battle) and she was in the system for the next eight years. She decided that, because there was nothing super about her, this was the only way she could help other kids and people who lost everything like her. It also impacted the fact that she experienced first hand a hero crying and being absolutely heartbroken once and, after talking to him, she discovered that heroes didn't have no one who could help them. So why couldn't she be the first? She vowed to the hero that she would find the way and, years later, the veteran found that Thira had graduated and opened her own clinic, and that was enough to put her in the RSD radar.

3. Ahh the RSD... they are interesting for sure. I do not think they manipulate heroes but more than the RSD are the heroes bosses in a way? Like just look at the name of the heroes' team: The Soldiers. think of them as pawns or minions who do the hard work and the RSD control the whole "this is legal" / "we will defend then from people trying to sue them for damages etc" and also the RSD has different areas of their work, not only the superheroes part: they also include social services for the Casuality Children, lawyers, indemnities, reconstruction plans and workers etc.

Villains can be "fixed" according to the RSD but usually when they are trapped these people prefer to uhh sacrifice themselves, which is why every once in a while there's a new completely different group of troublemakers (so in this case they are called The Hunters). Usually captured villains would get through jail and loads of "therapy" but (also) usually villains are those who the RSD let down years ago and the just seek revenge.

now the funny thing from yash is that even though morality is a big part of it I am going to blur so much the lines in between good and bad that my goal is that people don't see anyone as a Villain or Hero but just as a character with their own ideas (and problems). Also is your enemy still your enemy if you both work towards the same goal? it'll be nice to see how my set of misfits have to put aside their differences when sth else happens >:)

mental health has a lot to do bc as a psychology obsessed girl I just have to include it everywhere.... Also yash was my excuse to study psychopathology so I'm applying what I've learn to my characters but also doing research bc I'm neurotypical and I am in no way entitled to speak without listening and learning <3

this was very fun to answer and I love that you were curious!!!

#wip: yash #you are safe here #morri friend🗡️

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melonymint753 · 5 months

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game review: las vegas irl

slots: horrible. Barely any levers, and most of those are fake. This game mode has One (1) source of tactile input, and they swapped it for a plastic button. Also barely any analog machines. At least let me keep the dream that real slots that really spin are truly random, instead of screens that don't even try to hide that you're being RNG screwed by a computer.

blackjack: I heard you can actually win at this but did not have energy to read up strats

roulette: fun to watch ball go spin, not as fun to play, mainly because you have to move around the table to place chips, taking away from ball-watching time. Some even added "hotel symbol" as a third green slot (on top of 0 and 00) to screw with the easy betting options.. Which barely anyone bets on because they make you put $10-25 all at once (depends on casino and time) so you might as well try your luck with the numbers (only costs 1 chip each but needs to add up to minimum). I influenced a guy to bet on all greens after I tried it and won, it was hilarious.

craps: there's a short but steep learning curve in what all the bets mean, but afterwards it's a spectacle to watch. Tossing the dice is also good fun but Oh Dear Gods do you need a lot of money to have decent fun, since the reliable options (again) require the full minimum bet. You also have a general 1/6 chance per toss to lose practically everything. Possibly the best game....to be the casino worker. They truly just rake them in.

Overall: never got free food and drinks. boo. maybe just because they marked me as a Poor™. Watching tables is fun, and watching people casually throw down hundreds after losing their current pile of chips was a O_o experience.

#gambling #I did not go to the sphere. I think it's silly #las vegas

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ndragoon · 7 months

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Really love how the past two weeks have played out.

Starts off with me going to the ER because of back pain so severe I couldn't even just sit and watch stuff because every pulse of pain made me physically move in kind

They told me that not only did I have a bad infection, but it had caused sepsis and I needed to stay and be treated for it.

Okay, whatever. I don't know the specifics of it but I know it killed one of my closest friend's mom a few months ago, so I'll put up with it.

While I'm there, I get seen by a urologist (technically I saw four, but the other three were decent) who tells me that actually, the prostate doesn't really have any issues unless you're around 60, so even if this wasn't going on they'd never look at it anyway. It doesn't matter that it hurts to stimulate my prostate because it's "small and perfectly healthy".

She then goes on to tell me that I didn't actually have any shrinkage from the testosterone gel. Sometimes the testicles do reduce in size some. But mine are just small and were small since I was born. The only reason they "seem to sit high" is because I'm just really fat and because of all the fat down there, it hangs around them and obscures them. The only reason I felt any pain in them was because of this infection, since it's all connected.

Doesn't matter that they shrunk down so much I only feel the tubes behind them most of the time. Doesn't matter that I can't even find those sometimes because they pull up inside me. Doesn't matter that they used to hang low enough that if it was warm I had to put in effort to make sure they didn't dunk in the toilet water. Doesn't matter that my penis has shrunk so considerably that it's clearly visible with photo evidence, since I used to take size comparison pics to show just how small it was for the longest time. Clearly I'm just a Manly Man trying to strut my stuff and explain why I'm not packing a summer sausage with two oranges at the moment.

When I finally get told I'm well enough to leave, I'm also told I'm not allowed to drive for some reason until I see my PCP and get cleared. So I'm like whatever, I'll deal with it since I shouldn't be going anywhere anyway.

Finally see my pcp and she tells me that apparently the scans they did found stuff on my liver, some kind of thing alongside fibrosis. What's going on with it is something that just seemingly happens. She told me there really isn't any known cause, it just happens.

The rest of my lifespan is basically going to be dictated by roulette. It doesn't matter if I became *perfectly healthy* by the most ridiculously strict standards. I could see the doctor one day and be told I have 2 to 10 years left anyway.

And now I can't even find anything pleasant online because people are acting like reblogging about Palestine's genocide to the exclusion of everything else is going to help. If anyone posts anything even slightly positive or neutral, they get attacked because they are supposed to be reblogging about it exclusively with no breaks.

So I'm basically stuck being reminded that I'm stuck dying alone because I'm not going to drag someone else into my life when I might have to tell them I have two years left after we just got started, on top of everything else. While also seeing an endless running commentary about how a genocide is going on that is actually okay! Because apparently Jews are the only forbidden people to genocide!

Because people seem to think that the US Army will suddenly start to care about what the people want if they are just annoying enough to the right people, as if they haven't been doing whatever they want longer than I've been alive.

And I'm sitting here being forced to pretend that everything is okay because if I stop to so much as catch my breath, everything will breach my mind and I'll start to spiral badly. But I also can't step away from anything because it's as they say, it makes me selfish putting myself over everyone else who has no choice but to keep dealing with it with no way to get out.

#Reki Personal #Reki Medical

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m39 · 7 months

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Doom WADs’ Roulette (2007): Knee-Deep in ZDoom

Welp... I’m done with my rather short hiatus. After taking a break, I think I’ve come up with the idea of how not to experience another burnout. Simply, I will take at least a week-long break after every review/post related to Doom WADs. That will give me time to experience other games that I have in my Steam library or read some magazines.

And now, without any further to do, let’s take a look at, from my point of view, one of the more controversial WADs/partial conversions that came in the second half of the 2000s.

G6: Knee-Deep in ZDoom

Main author(s): Various (project lead by Tormentor667)

Release date: June 2nd, 2007 (original release)/December 27th, 2008 (version 1.1)/June 16th (version 1.2)

Version played: 1.2

Required port compatibility: ZDoom (obviously)

Levels: 10 (typical episodic structure plus one super secret map)

Knee-Deep in ZDoom – another case of trying to remake/reimagine the original first episode of Doom I, and quite possibly the most recognizeable one (for good and bad reasons).

Many of the WAD makers behind this one were encountered in my previous reviews. Among the people who were the core team behind KDiZD, there is Tormentor667, who was the project leader behind ZDCMP1 (likewise with this WAD); Graf Zahl, the creator of GZDoom; Pawel Zarczynski, who created the GZDoom port of 2000’s ZanZan; and Nick Baker, who helped with both Darkening installments, RTC-3057 and ZDCMP1.

The WAD’s development was in shambles for lack of better words, earning it not only the regular Cacoward but also the Mordeth Award for the WAD with the longest development cycle.

So what actually happened? From what I’ve gathered, the development went on for around three years, so I can only guess that it all started in 2004. It was originally supposed to be released somewhere at the end of 2005/beginning of 2006, but the ambitions of the team members made it constantly delayed, with the WAD’s release becoming a joke in the community. KDiZD was hyped to the level only Action Doom was capable of, with posters, testaments, and other similar stuff the other WAD did, but of course, it was more mocked rather than celebreated. There was even a time when the beta version of this WAD leaked. Not to mention new team members being added and dropped like flies.

The funniest thing about KDiZD is that when it was finally released, the biggest reasons why this WAD was delayed ended up as the biggest cons in the eyes of the Doom community.

Nowadays, it’s probably even more disliked/polarizing than it was back when it was released, but I will try to take a look at this WAD with my 2007 glasses. To see what a casual Doom WAD player would think about it without thinking about all of this controversy shit back then.

So, without wasting any more time, let’s finally take a look at Knee-Deep in ZDoom.

If there is one thing where this WAD is legitimately good at is the visuals. It looks great. It might get too far with tiny details and ambient sound effects in some places but by 2007, this was the shit. The best part is, of course, the locations from the original levels; they might look unrecognizable on the first look but for people who were sniffing Doom coke for over a decade at this point, it feels like how people in 1993 saw them for the first time.

Even the original locations that extend the maps aren’t half bad, whenever it’s the new techbase rooms, hellish corruption showing up much more frequently than in the original episode (if those were there at all), or the outside/underground areas.

There is even an option to launch this WAD with rotating sprites for items. Originally it was hard-coded, but since version 1.1, it’s in a separate file. Honestly, you can skip these since these sprites sometimes make it harder for an item to be found.

The music tracks are stocks from the original game, which makes sense since it’s another interpretation of Knee-Deep in the Dead. I still prefer playing this WAD without music since the original tracks feel too short for these extended maps.

There are, however, two custom tracks that play at the end of Phobos Anomaly Z; During the prologue to fight with Bruiser Demons and during the actual fight itself, and during the final boss fight. I recognize these two tracks since the first track was used in Scythe’s MAP26, but I’m not sure where I heard the second one (maybe it was in Scythe 2; I don’t know).

Now playing this WAD – this is where the bigger cracks start appearing.

As I mentioned earlier, the maps are now extended; there are completely new locations on each map, like the mine section in Toxic Refinery Z, or the tower in Central Processing Z.

Most of the time I was fine with these, but some of these, particularly the ones in the fourth and seventh map, overstated their welcome, feeling like I was walking in circles in another mangled maze.

On the other hand, each map has at least one interesting thing to offer, whenever it’s related to the level progression or finding secrets/items.

For a couple of examples, there is restarting the generator in the water where the water turns into toxic slime, using the keys to unlock the doors by flipping the switches in the center of the map rather than by using them on the doors, using a bomb on a timer to blow up some rocks, or turning off the other generator to deactivate force fields.

Since the original episode focused on a human base on Phobos, this WAD changes the skulls into silver, green, and orange keycards to make more sense tonally.

There are also two new items. The first one is a Megasphere from Doom II; it functions the same while looking different. The second one is completely original – Terrorsphere; it makes you see orange and enemies run away from you (they still fight back occasionally, though). I wish it was more frequent.

Now aside from remastered levels, there is a tenth one, super secret map – Penultimate Evil. And you can’t get there by finding a secret exit on one of the regular maps. There are two ways to get there.

The first one is speedrunner’s delight – finishing all levels under the par time. Perfect for people who are into this stuff.

The second one is aimed closer towards regular players – get at least 90% of kills, items, and secrets on all levels before E1M8, even on E1M9. Now I have a problem with this, particularly with collecting items. Not only you would have to waste some very valuable items that you would like to save for later, but you also need to lick every floor tile to be sure you won’t end up under 90%.

And I know that no person with a brain would like to suffer through going to all of the locations to search every corner of them just to find one tiny health/armor bonus that was under their nose when they were having the big fight with demons just to reach 90% of collected items. Sure, on (G)ZDoom, you can type summon [item] enough times to reach that percent but still.

...

The new intermission screen looks kind of cool though... and offers more than the regular one... even though it feels unneeded.

Coming back to Penultimate Evil, at least I can say it’s the best map in KDiZD. On the foundation level, it’s a Frankenstein’s monster made out of locations from the later episodes of Doom I, and yet everything fits in place. Asides from the E2M2’s crate maze that almost always sucks, I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this map was dragging out. If you ever want to try this WAD, you can at least play this map.

Now, how hard is this WAD? It’s kind of challenging but I wouldn’t say it’s hard. There are moments filled with bullshit like corridor fighting and hitscanning snipers here and there, but these were rather rare from what I’ve experienced.

Although, I wasn’t a fan of how ammo-starving the first 1.5 levels were, especially Z1M1. Even if you know where the secrets are, you will end up without shells, forcing you to kill enemies with your peashooter (at least it’s slightly faster here than in the original games).

Also, some numbnut decided to remove infighting in the WAD. Like, are fucking shitting me?! Infighting is hilarious in Doom WADs. There is at least one fight where it begs for some infighting but no. Whoever came up with this must be an asshole that wants to be threatened seriously but fails in at least 50%.

Oh, and by the way – hard-coded falling damage. Because fuck you.

Changing the subject, it’s time to introduce you to the new roster of enemies, at least doubling the amount of enemy types in the first Doom.

Starting with new zombie variants, we have Rapid-fire Trooper, who’s basically Wolfenstein SS if he was an actual Doom enemy; Chainsaw Zombie who requires no description of what he does, and Obituary’s Rocketeers, coming back to show you once again that they will kill themselves more frequently then you.

Oh yeah, Hoovies also join the fun, now looking like an aging old fart... great... -_-

As for the Imp variants... oh boy... we have seven of these.

We already met three of these variants in Cheogsh. Shadow (renamed Howler in that map) is the Class 2 Imp from STRAIN if he actually looked and sounded more like an original monster. Soul Harvester is basically a mini-me Revenant with projectiles that almost always hit you if there is no cover. And Nightmare is complete and utter bullshit filth to fight that thankfully only appears in two sections of Phobos Anomaly Z.

And as for the original variants, we have Stone Imp at the start; a slow, melee enemy that’s rather easy to defeat.

There are also three variants of the Dark Imp. The regular Dark Imp has yellow eyes and shoots homing projectiles (that turn slower than Revenant’s missiles). Skulltag Imp has red eyes and shoots much faster projectiles (it might feel like you were fighting regular Imp on Nightmare). And Void Imp has orange eyes and functions like Undead Warrior from Heretic, AKA has a chance to shoot a red projectile that deals much more damage.

Pinky aside from having Mauler whom we already met in Cheogsh (that charges at you like the Lost Soul), also has a variant titled Blood Demon, which is basically half-robot Pinky that is twice as tough to kill.

Hell Nobility has five additional variants in the roster. We already met Satyr, Hell Warrior, and Bruiser Demon AKA the one who’s a melee-type enemy, the one with the shield (that often uses it right as he’s about to get shot), and the one that’s basically a boss version of Baron.

As for the new variants, Hell Knight joins the game, now with a slightly different color and sounding different (for some unexplained reason). There is also Hell’s Fury, a tougher variant of Baron, that shoots red, faster projectiles and three homing projectiles (same ones as Soul Harvester). When he dies, his head comes off (it looks like a beta Lost Soul).

As for the original enemies, the last map introduces two of these. The first one is Hell Cube which is basically an enemy version of the summoning cube Icon of Sin spits out from his forehead.

The second one is actually a boss – Magmantis, who defends the portal to Deimos. He can summon portals that shoot fireballs or Lost Souls, and sometimes he dives back into lava, summoning Imps in between. He feels like a filler, not gonna lie. The final area with hell nobles felt more like a proper finale than he was. Not to mention how easy he is when you constantly shoot him with a BFG replacement.

To fight all of these new monstrosities, you get three new weapons to use:

There is the Super Shotgun, and at first, having this beast from Doom II added might make you think that it’s a Christmas miracle, but it feels like another pair of socks to the pile of these that your nanna bought you. It looks off, it sounds off, and the worst of all, it reloads slower than the original version! Like, come the fuck on man! Who’s coming out with these ridiculous nerfs in gameplay?!

...

At least it’s not completely useless... Good thing the other two weapons don’t feel like that.

The Grenade Launcher feels like a Super Shotgun answer to the Rocket Launcher. It fires slower, the blast radius is much higher, but the damage is around 1.5-2 times higher. It has two fire modes, each changing how far the grenade flies.

The Rifle, on the other hand, feels like if a hitscanner weapon became the BFG. Its bullets are as hard as rockets, it fires rather fast, can kill a couple of enemies in the line, and can easily stunlock them. The only thing that makes it not completely overpowered is the ammo capacity; you can hold up to 75 bullets only without a backpack. So use this gun only on the toughest bastards in tight areas.

Another pro about this WAD, is that it doesn’t have game-breaking bugs, only the visual ones (at least from what I remember).

Knee-Deep in ZDoom is a WAD that took a hit in quality due to the ambitions and questionable decisions made by the team behind it. With falling damage, nerfed Super Shotgun, worthless final boss, and infighting removed as some of the bigger cons of this WAD. It might be seen nowadays as a laughing stock by the Doom community... but I would be lying to myself if I didn’t say that I was having (at least) some kind of fun while playing it.

It’s not a bad WAD, but honestly, I think I would recommend other episode 1 reinterpretations.

Next WAD on our list is another community project. It’s the return of Community Chest. I wonder how many of the maps won’t bore me.

See you all in the future.

Bye!

#doom #doom wad #review #doom mod #doom 1 #doom 2007 #2007 #knee deep in ZDoom #doom knee deep in ZDoom #doom wads’ roulette #cacowards #top ten wads of the year

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zodiakuroo · 3 years

Text

Cupid’s Bullet

Dabi comes home with a very special Valentine’s Day surprise for you.

Pairing: Dabi x Fem!Reader

Contains: dubcon/noncon, mentions of death, unhealthy relationship, gun play, fear play, forced orgasms, squirting, mindbreak, angst (if you squint?), quirk usage, one slap but it’s a hard one :3, overstimulation, creampie

Word count: 5.3k

Notes: pls this title is so cringe but it's like bullet instead of arrow cause... ya know but anyways happy valentine’s day from scumbag boyfie!dabi

Dating a villain meant that your relationship was unconventional to say the least. For one, public dates were out of the question, unless you wanted it to end in destruction of public property and some scorched heroes. You also always had to have some kind of flimsy excuse for your family and friends when they asked to meet your elusive boyfriend. In addition, you had to accept the fact that he would have to disappear sometimes for weeks on end to do his boss’ bidding.

There was also the small matter of arson, murder and theft and a multitude of other crimes that you’d prefer not to know about. And while you weren’t necessarily okay with a lot of what Dabi did, you loved him. You loved him so much that turning a blind eye was so easy it made you question your own morality. He didn’t scare you either. Not in the slightest, because you knew in his own special way, he loved you too.

In fact it ran much deeper than that. On his worst days, Dabi could set the world ablaze until nothing was left because in the end he didn’t care about anyone or anything, not even himself. Until he met you, he says. He tells you that in you, he’s found something to tether him to this existence.

Ok so maybe he didn’t use those words exactly, but he doesn’t have to. You know that’s what he means when he spoils you with expensive, stolen clothes and jewellery, when he offers to burn alive any person who makes you even the tiniest bit upset and when he comes home to you bloodied and beaten, trusting you to take care of him.

In summary, your relationship forced you to give up on having any “normal couple” experiences. That included, celebrating anniversaries and silly holidays like Valentine’s Day so you never bothered to keep track of them. It could hardly be considered a sacrifice when you compared those things to what you actually got from your relationship.

Dabi had been gone for close to a month now and you didn’t expect him back anytime soon, not knowing where he was or what he was doing. In fact the very last thing you expected was for him to creep into your bedroom in the middle of night and rouse you from your peaceful sleep with a soft kiss on your temple.

You don’t jump out of bed in a panic, like any sane person would. Instead you let out a satisfied hum, surrounded by the scent of burnt flesh, ash and menthol, feeling warmth bloom in your chest. It should be unpleasant but its Dabi’s scent and you’ve missed it. You’ve missed him. You pick your phone up from your night stand, squinting your eyes at the bright light that makes them sting.

Sunday 14 February, 2:43am

“Welcome home.” You mumble groggily, trying your best to fight off your tired body urging you to go back to sleep.

Instead of replying, he greets you by pressing his mouth to yours. You let out a quiet gasp, startled by the sudden display of affection. His lips are chapped but that doesn’t matter, your tongue darts out to moisten them before your lips lock into a gentle kiss.

You reach up, weaving your hands through his dark hair in an attempt to draw him closer but he retreats, opting instead to turn on the bedside lamp but keeping his other hand behind his back. “Sit up doll. Got a surprise for ya.”

Any thoughts of sleep were long forgotten as soon as his lips met yours but now he’s really piqued your interest. You push yourself up against the headboard and sit cross-legged. You look up at Dabi expectantly. Your boyfriend is smiling wide, skin pulled so taut you think one of his staples might give out. He reveals to you what he has hidden behind his back. A square black box, wrapped in a cobalt satin ribbon.

It’s so cliché you can’t help but let out a small snort. “What is it?”

“It’s a gift. You know… for Valentine’s Day?” He says as though it should be obvious to you.

Your heart swells at the gesture. It really was a surprise. Not in a bad way, you just knew he wasn’t your average boyfriend and that was okay. You didn’t want him to be.

“Well now I feel awful. I didn’t get you anything.” You pout as he props the box onto your lap.

“’S like a toy… so it’s technically for you but kinda for both of us.” It’s unusual to see Dabi this excited. The way he’s bouncing on the balls of his feet, eyes filled with mirth makes you all the more curious.

“Like a sex toy?” A giggle escapes you as you undo the bow.

“Are we playing fuckin’ 20 questions? Just open it.” He presses you.

You huff at his impatience but you don’t comment, not wanting to wait any longer either. You remove the lid of the box only to find something wildly unexpected.

A revolver?

You look up at your boyfriend with confusion etched on your face but his gleeful grin doesn’t falter. You’ve never seen a sex toy like this so you pick up the article to test its weight. It’s definitely the real deal.

“Dabi, this isn’t a toy.” You state matter-of-factly.

He merely rolls his eyes and says “Doll, when you can incinerate someone with a flick of your wrist, that little thing is definitely considered a toy?”

“O-okay? What do you want to do with it?” You ask, placing offending object onto your nightstand, not really wanting to hold on to it anymore, the metallic smell making you feel queasy.

“Ever heard of Russian Roulette?” Dabi, picks up the abandoned item, looking down at it with pride.

“What?” You furrow your eyebrows as nervousness starts to creep into your system and you instinctively move to back away from him but Dabi is quick to pull you back.

“It’s real easy doll. No need to look so scared.” He crawls on top of you, caging you in with his limbs. “6 chambers. 1 bullet. All you have to do is be a good girl for me. If not, I pull the trigger and we see what happens.”

The look on his face is positively demented. Azure eyes wide and bright, patchwork face contorted into a a sinister smile, white teeth and silver staples gleaming in the dim light.

“Baby,” you hope the pet name will placate him. It usually does. “I don’t know about thi-“

CLICK

You let out a shriek as your body jolts in fear but you’re unable to move with his weight pressing on top of you.

“You see now doll?” He clicks his tongue behind his teeth. “You’ve gone and wasted a shot.”

Dabi climbs off of you and you’re left lying there with your heart hammering violently in your chest, body trembling, still reeling from the shock of what just happened. Reeling from the shock of what is happening

“You gonna listen now? Gonna be good?” Dabi prompts, rolling the gun around in his hand.

All you can do is nod as your eyes being to water. The uneasy feeling in your stomach only grows worse as your mind races with the possible things Dabi has in store for you.

“Good. Now strip.” He command and like a good girl, you obey.

Your arms feel like they’re made of lead, moving rigidly to take off your shirt (one of Dabi’s old ones). You can’t stop the tears from falling as you pull down your panties, fat droplets roll down your cheeks, desperately trying to swallow the sounds of your sobbing.

This can’t be happening. It’s Dabi. He wouldn’t hurt you. He promised you that.

“Oh cut the fuckin’ waterworks.” He snaps. “As long as you listen, you’ll be fine.”

You try to calm yourself with deep breaths, not wanting to irritate him any further.

When you turn to face him, he’s leaning back on his haunches, one hand resting on his thigh, the other lazily gripping the revolver. “Fair warning, I’m more of a ‘shoot first, ask questions later’ kinda guy. But you know that already.” He thumbs the cylinder, making it spin. “Now, touch yourself for me.”

Breathing is difficult. No matter how much you try, it’s like you can’t get enough air into your lungs. Thinking only of gun in your boyfriend’s hand, you still you bring your own hand between your legs, but you can’t concentrate, what with the dread taking over your body making it tough to have any control of your body. Your movements are stiff and apparently not up to Dabi’s standards.

He only scoffs before-

CLICK

You scream again, body nearly flying off the bed before you curl yourself up into a ball. The fright is enough to stop your heart. For a second you believe it has.

“Doll,” Dabi’s gruff voice brings you back to earth, reminding you that you’re very much alive and whether or not you stay that way is entirely up to him. “You’re ruining my surprise. Got it ‘specially for you and now you’re being a brat.” He quirks an eyebrow at you, almost like a challenge.

“So-sorry.-“ your voice breaks. “I’ll be good.”

You’re still struggling to comprehend how any of this is real. You thought you knew him. You thought he loved you. And here he is, treating your life like it’s a game. You can’t help but think that this is your own fault. You thought you were above everyone else, the exception to your boyfriend’s villain behaviour.

“Yeah?” His voice drops to a whisper. “Then show me.” He challenges you. Dabi slips off his t-shirt and moves between your legs to get a better view, pressing on your knees to split them apart.

Self-preservation kicks in. There is one way out of this alive and that’s doing what he says. You spread yourself even wider, showing him all of you. Your hands, glide over your smooth thighs, kneading the pudgy flesh as you get closer and closer your sex, teasing yourself the way he would. Your fingers find your clit and just a little pressure makes your eyes melt shut. Probably for best anyway. It makes it easier to imagine anything but this. You drag those fingers through your delicate folds, letting out breathy sighs as heat begins to bloom between your thighs.

You pretend, its Dabi’s touch. In your mind’s eye you see the two of you, limbs tangled with Dabi on top, resting his forehead against yours. It’s one of those nights where he wants to go slow. So slow that the sensation of his cock dragging in and out of is you bordering on torturous. It’s one of those nights where he wants to lay his head on your chest, mouthing at your breasts, laving your nipples with his wet tongue while you tell him, in that sensual voice that you love him, that he’s perfect, that he’s yours. Because it’s one of those nights, where everything feels like too much for him and the only person that he really has on his side is you.

It’s not long before you’re leaking. Somewhere, deep in the back of your mind, there’s a voice chastising you for being so easy for him… even now. There’s almost no resistance as two of your fingers, press into your entrance. Your fingers are no match for Dabi’s, they never hit all those deep, hidden spots that make you see stars but still, you start to move them slowly, brushing your thumb over your clit every so often.

“Look at me.” You feel his breath waft over your pussy.

Eyelids fluttering open and you meet his gaze. It stuns you a little and your hands come to a standstill. He is handsome, breathtakingly so, even though he thinks you’re lying whenever you when you tell him that. The way he stares at you, with love and adoration in his eyes, it’s almost like the fantasy you were just imagining. Almost like the fantasy you’ve been living in this whole time. It’s enough to make you forget the situation you’re in. Then the muzzle of the gun is pressed to your clit, snapping you back to reality fast enough to give you whiplash.

“Fucking slut.” He growls and smacks your hand away from your pussy.

You jerk as he starts to move it the gun circles over your sensitive nub and then dipping down to your tight slit to gather up your juices.

“All those fuckin’ tears but look how wet you are.” He says more to himself than you as he admires the way your slick leaves a sheen on the barrel. With his eyes trained directly on yours, his perfectly pink tongue pokes out to lick it clean, groaning at the taste.

The next thing you know his arms are wrapped around your legs, guiding them over his broad shoulders. He kisses you on your mons before his tongue begins greedily lapping at your hole. “Tastes so good doll.” He mutters with his nose pressed against your clit. He slips the wet muscle inside of you making you whine. You reflexively grab onto his black hair, tugging on the stands and he lets out a groan of approval. He moves up to your clit, circling it with his tongue before suckling on it. While he brushes just the tip of a finger over your cunt, making it clench around nothing while you desperately buck your hips, in an attempt to have it inside you.

The way he’s eating you out is almost romantic?

Or it would be, if it weren’t for the metal digging into your flesh.

“Doll,” He places a sloppy kiss on your clit, lighting dragging his teeth over the hood. “Want you to squirt for me.”

A lump forms in your throat. You can count on one hand the amount of times that has happened. You’re not sure of the odds that you’d be able to right now and it’s not a gamble you’re willing to take. “Dabi, I don’t think I can….”

CLICK

You thrash, screaming so loud it makes your throat burn.

Dabi still holds you open, keeping you in place. “I wasn’t asking.” He makes sure to maintain eye contact as he drops a fat glob of spit right on to your clit before diving face first into your cunt once again.

He pushes 2 of his long, lithe fingers into your tight entrance. It’s unexpected and you wince. He drags his right hand (the one holding the gun) up your torso, resting the muzzle underneath your breast, right over your racing heart. A reminder of what’s at stake. He envelopes your sensitive clit with his lips, moving his fingers in tandem with the suction. You’re consumed by desire as Dabi brings you so close to the edge.

“Dee-Deeper please.” Your pant out.

He smiles against your mound before complying with your request. “Right here?” His fingers press against that squishy patch deep inside you and your eyes roll back.

“Nnnggg yeah.” You’re barely able to mewl out. You dig your heels into his back and grind against his face, chasing your high. Dabi keeps hitting that spot with astonishing precision but you hold off for as long as you can, letting the pleasurable sensation build until the pressure in your core becomes unbearable. When it finally snaps because you can’t hold it anymore, your eyes squeeze shut, hands flying to his biceps and you dig your nails into the sinewy muscle. You gush around his fingers and all over his face. Dabi doesn’t move though, flicking your clit with his tongue repeatedly until you’re trembling and whimpering, pushing him away from your pussy. He finally relents, a pop echoing around the room as he lets go of you.

He gives you a predatory look, scared face and chest wet with the remnants of your orgasm. “You made such a mess baby but I’m glad you’re finally having fun.” He’s just as out of breath as you are but far more composed.

Your head is still fuzzy and limbs are still twitching but your boyfriend doesn’t let you recover. “C’mon, doll. My turn.” He begins to undo his belt, silver buckle clinking as he rushes to drag it through the loops of his jeans

You pull yourself on to all fours, now eye level with his crotch. He pulls down his pants and boxers in one go, his erection almost hitting you in the face.

“You’ve been lucky so far.” He taps the bulbous head of his cock on your lips, smearing your lips with the pre that dribbles out of it. “But I wouldn’t test it if I were you. Open.”

Your mouth is already watering at the sight of him. So long, thick and veiny. It’s disgusting actually, this Pavlovian response. He fucks you deeper, stretches you wider and makes you feel better than anyone ever had. You wonder briefly, if anyone ever could fuck you as good as Dabi.

You stick out your tongue and he slides himself between your lips, groaning as he pushes into your mouth, slowly, inch by inch. He fills your mouth completely and you shut your eyes, savouring the salty taste of him but you feel the muzzle press against your temple and making them shoot open. “Atta girl. Lemme see those pretty eyes.” He grunts as he plunges into your throat. You bob your head up and down his shaft, the hand at the back of your head setting a brutal pace. The room is filled with the sounds of you gagging and his hefty sac smacking against your chin.

“So good to me baby.” He tilts his head back, losing himself in the pleasure. The wet heat of your mouth surrounding him while your saliva leaks out, dripping down his balls. Dabi is big and heavy, stretching you so wide and making you jaw ache from the weight of him. You’re already lightheaded from the lack of air, no matter how much you try breathing through your nose. You don’t dare to complain though.

He pulls out of your mouth slowly, stretching a string of saliva from the head of his dick to your tongue that’s hanging out of your mouth. You pant like a bitch attempting to catch your breath. He doesn’t give you much time before he’s in your throat again, back to fucking your face.

“I love you so much. You love me?” He sounds so sweet, totally blissed out.

He stops thrusting and tilts your head up to look at him, blinking tear-clumped lashes. You try utter a ‘Yes, I love you.’ but with his shaft gagging you, it comes out all garbled. The muscles in your throat convulse around the deep intrusion. “You’d do anything for me right?” He asks, jabbing the muzzle even harder into your temple, finger resting lightly on the trigger. You nod, watching Dabi lose his composure bit by bit. “Yeah. That’s why you’re my girl.” He pushes himself even deeper inside you, making you finally take all of him, until your nose meets his pubic hair and holding you there. “Fuck.”

CLICK

“Hmmhhhhngggh” You squeal around him but you can’t pull off because of the grip he has on your scalp. When he lets you go you’re choking and coughing up a lewd mixture of spit and pre-cum.

“Wh- Why” You blubber, voice hoarse. You don’t understand. You were doing exactly what he asked. You were being good.

“Sorry baby. Felt so good, my finger slipped.” He doesn’t even try to hide his mischievous smirk. The fucker is definitely not sorry.

You want to beg him to stop this ridiculous game because you see now there’s no way you can win because Dabi doesn’t play fair.

He doesn’t give you the chance though, already shuffling off his bottoms all the way and propping himself up against the headboard. “C’mon pretty baby.” He tugs on your ankle. Wanna see you bounce on my dick.”

You clumsily position yourself atop his lap quickly, before you can even think about it. You know he doesn’t need a reason to pull that trigger but still, you don’t want to give him one.

He grinds his tip along your heat, piercings dragging across your clit over and over again. It’s something he does whenever you have sex, to rile you up. And just like all those other times, it’s working. Circumstances be damned. “Needa feel this hot little pussy. Give it to me doll.” He murmurs against the shell of your ear.

You nod as you lift yourself off of him to hover your dripping wet hole over his hard dick. You slowly squat down on onto him, the fat head stretching you out, burning with every inch you take. You mewl, making futile attempts to blink away tears. You get halfway before you have to stop, resting your hands on his shoulders trying to gain leverage. You’re outright crying now, wet droplets landing on Dabi’s chest.

“’S matter doll.”

I’m terrified. You yell in your head but stay silent, choosing to focus on relaxing your ever-tightening hole in order to take more of him.

“Oh, I know.” He coos, voice dripping with condescension. “’S too big for your tiny cunny.” He leans forward to kiss away the salty tears. “But you can take it. I know you can.” He cups your jaw, stroking your cheek with a calloused thumb. “You can do it for me”

You start to move slowly up and down, using gravity to force more of his monstrous cock inside you with shallow movements. You really are trying your best but that’s apparently not good enough for Dabi and he lets you know that by pressing the barrel of the gun into your stomach. You freeze, horrified, more tears start falling from your eyes. You open your mouth to beg him to just give you a little time. You’re trying.

“Quit being a baby and just take it.” He says before you even get the chance.

“I’m trying Dabi, please just-“

CLICK

He cuts off your plea. He’s not interested in your excuses.

The rotation of the cylinder sends vibrations through your abdomen. Amidst the shock, you release your grip on his shoulders and impale yourself on his shaft by mistake. The combination of the searing stretch and the blunt head of his cock kissing your cervix is so overwhelming that you collapse forward, head falling on to your boyfriend’s chest. You feel the rumbles of his chuckles while he’s quite literally splitting you open.

“See? Knew you could. Just needed a little scare. Isn’t that right.” He rubs your back as if to comfort you. He lets out a low whistle. “But looks like you’re all out of chances doll. Now bounce.” He gives you a spank with an inhumanly warm hand, making you squeal and leaving your cheek tender.

Your hands find purchase on his shoulders again. Dabi’s sapphire eyes are practically glowing, daring you to be stupid enough to defy him one more time.

You pull off almost entirely, keeping just his tip inside of you, before spearing his shaft into you again.

“Good girl.” When he praises you with that raspy voice makes you keen and desperate for more of it.

His hand snakes its way up your torso to cup one of your breasts. Your back arches, pushing into his scorching hot touch, forgetting momentarily about his other hand and what he’s holding in it. He gropes your chest, tweaks and twists at your nipples, leaving red, inflamed hand prints in his wake. You’re practically delirious with pleasure, babbling out incoherent streams of his name along with “yes” and “more”. All the while, he murmurs praises about how good you are and how much he loves you. It’s confusing and you can’t process any of it.

“Who owns this perfect pussy?”

“Dabi. Fuck. Dabi.” Your tongue lolls out of your mouth in the most obscene way, drooling down your chin. Your plush walls pulse around him as he hits that sensitive spot every time you sink down on him.

“That’s right it’s all fuckin mine. My pretty baby.” Dabi’s eyes are focus on where your two bodies are connected watching the translucent ring of your cream appear and disappear as you ride him.

“Preeeettyyy.” You slur and he laughs at how fucked out you are, brain completely jumbled between the fear, the pain and the bliss all combined into ecstasy.

“Doll.” He groans. “I feel ya squeezin’ me. You gonna cum?”

He’s right. You nod as you feel that coil tightening again, threatening to snap at any second. The man finally starts putting in work, pounding into you every time you pull off of him. Dabi abandons the gun in favour of playing with your clit, rubbing quick sloppy circles. “Yeah? Gonna cream and gush around me? Want you to baby.” He buries his head in the crook of your neck, sucking, biting and licking while he assaults your sopping wet pussy. “C’mon doll, please.”

With that you orgasm. He grabs your hips pulling you flush against his thighs, fucking you through your orgasm, rolling his hips up into you until your high finally subsides.

He doesn’t let you catch your breath before he’s got the revolver pressed hard underneath your chin. “Now make me cum.” You almost collapse but the harsh grip he has on your hair suspends you upright.

Your mind is so foggy and Dabi gives you a small smile, appreciating the perplexed look in your droopy eyes. But he’s not done with you yet.

“Hey.” You’re ripped from your daze, when he slaps you across the face, sending your head swinging to the side. “Don’t pass out on me now.”

“So-sorry! ‘M sorry!” You grovel as you slam your tired body down on his dick once again, trying to ignore the throbbing on your cheek, the ringing in your ears, and the ache in your battered cunt. You’re so sensitive from your last orgasm but you don’t have a choice and you don’t dare deny him anything. Your thighs are quaking and burning with every movement but your boyfriend is unimpressed.

“You can do better than that doll.” He lets out a bitter laugh, enjoying every second of tormenting you. “It’s like you want your brains splattered on the ceiling.”

You start crying again, shaking your head frantically. In the time that you’ve been with Dabi, you’ve learned certain tricks, you know he likes it, but in this panic/lust induced frenzy, you can’t remember any of them. Instead, you bounce, mindlessly on him while your gummy walls clench tighter around him every time he nudges at your a-spot. Your legs are going numb from all the effort and you plop down, limp onto his lap, taking him to the hilt.

Dabi tsks at you, reminding you that you can’t rest just yet. You swivel your hips, grinding your pelvis against his while he’s buried deep in your wet heat. You pray to whatever deity is listening that he’s getting close, you’re not sure how much more you can take.

“If I don’t bust in the next 5 seconds.” His hand finds your clit again, you grind across his fingers has you rock against him. “Bang!” He emphasises the word by bringing a heated palm down on your ass.

A choked sob bubbles at the back of your throat, making him snicker

Hands pressed to his chest, you ride him like a woman possessed, the last bits of adrenaline kicking in. Your sloppy cunt squelches every time you drive yourself down on his cock just motivating you to fuck him harder.

“Five.” He grits out.

“Dabi, please!” But you’re met with icy, apathetic eyes staring back at you, feeling the terror that the rest of the city does when they so much as hear his name.

“Four.” He rubs your already raw clit, faster and you can feel another orgasm building, much quicker than your last two.

Your body feels so heavy but you can’t stop moving, not unless you want him to- “Please cum!” You beg. “Need your cum.”

“Three.”

He starts to fuck up into you again with unforgiving force.

“Wh-Why?!” is all you can manage as your mind starts to fog up again, the need to come becoming all the more urgent.

“Two.” He ignores your question, transfixed on your tits bounce in his face. You’re getting close to your third orgasm of the night and it seems Dabi is determined to get you there.

You still can’t believe this is real. You never thought that Dabi would treat you like this. You were supposed to be special.

Or at least that’s what he told you.

Moreover, you can’t believe how your own body is betraying you. You can’t believe you’re actually going to cum. Again.

“One.”

You cry out his name one last time, unsure if it’s out of fear or pleasure. You dig your nails into his arms again, in a feeble attempt to ground yourself as you cum around him. The orgasm that rips through you makes it difficult for you to be sure of anything.

What you are sure of is the fact that there was no bang or bullet.

Just one last CLICK (practically drowned out by your screaming) and the sensation of Dabi’s hot cum flooding your womb. He has a bruising grip on your hips, gun now discarded, and he ruts up into to making sure to stuff your cunt absolutely full of him. He begins to laugh as he softens inside you.

Your head is still spinning but once you’re able to push yourself off of him, you can finally make sense of what just happened.

He was fucking with you.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” You yell, using weak and quivering arms to throw pillows at him while you cry so hard it makes you dry heave.

Your asshole of a boyfriend starts cackling, clutching his abdomen as if he just pulled the world’s funniest prank while your heart is beating so hard and fast you think it might break through your ribcage.

“You should have seen your face. You were so fuckin’ scared.”

You become nauseous, feeling bile rising in your throat as you come to a sickening realisation.

This is not your Dabi. This is the Dabi that the rest of the world gets to see.

Evil, sadistic, merciless. This is the real Dabi.

You attempt to scramble off of the bed to get away from him, feeling overwhelmed by the humiliation. But Dabi grabs your wrist and yanks you into his chest, wrapping you up in his arms. A gesture you used to treasure but now it just made your skin crawl. “C’mon Doll you didn’t think I was being serious did you?”

You writhe in his hold, hitting against his hard, toned chest with pathetic fists. “Don’t be such a crybaby. It was just a joke.” He strokes your hair oh so tenderly. But you won’t fall for that again. Dabi is a villain through and through. You know that now.

It’s no use fighting him off though, all the fight in you is used up. You don’t know what else to do. So you do the easy thing: nuzzle your head into his chest, tremors rocking your body as you hiccup, while he holds you. That way you can pretend that you feel safe with him, just like you used to.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, doll. I love you.”

#dabi is just the worst huh #sorry about the angst i honestly don’t know how that happened #dark content #dark fic #mha smut #tw dubcon #bnha imagines #bnha smut #dabi imagine #dabi smut #dabi x reader #mha x reader #tw slapping #tw noncon #tw unhealthy relationship #tw gunplay #tw death mention

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