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iwillgiveyoumyhappiness · 4 years

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Song Tag

Song game!

Tagged by @bae-minseung

Thanks for tagging me, luv!

Rule: You can only repeat one artist and song only one time, so we can all kind of spread new 🎶to the people we tag. Try to listen to at least one of the song’s people rec here.

1. Song you 💛ed the first time you listened to and never got tired of?

Universe by Minhyun

When ‘Universe’ came out on April 3rd of 2019, I already knew it was going to become one of my favorite songs ever. How did I know that? I can’t really say. The first note tickled my ear and made me feel fuzzy inside, but also a little sad. I don’t know if there’s anyone else out there that likes standing in the rain and feeling it trickle down your cheeks, but it felt like that—only better. It felt like the cold water was warm, and instead of it being clear, it was dye and it was coloring me beautifully. That song felt like first love to me. Thrilling and beautiful, but also a little heart-wrenching and sorrowful. I think that’s why I love it so much, and still love it to this day. I can always go back to that song to fill me with the color that I lack. In the words of Minhyun: “You have to be happy, my universe”.

2. One song you 😭 every time you listen or makes you emotional?

The Last by Agust D

‘The Last’ is such a painfully honest song, and I admire that honesty. Since BTS debuted in 2013, I remember looking at Min Yoongi through the eyes of a relatively thoughtless nine-year-old and thinking, “What kind of person are you? Who are you?” I thought it was a funny question, at the time. I knew who he was. He was Min Yoongi—Suga from BTS. He was a cool Korean guy I saw on the internet. Though, as time went by and I got older, I realize it.

“You’re me.”

“You’re older than me, and we’re different people.”

“But that doesn’t matter.”

“You’re me in another body.”

When I came to that realization, I cried for hours without making any noise. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I couldn’t. Up until that point, I was someone who locked her door and screamed until she felt better, but at that time, I realized that it felt better to scream in my head, because then I could do it whenever I needed to. I could be in a room full of people, and I could still be screaming. For whatever reason, I felt comforted by that. I always used to scream and throw tantrums so that people would hear me. So they would know what I was thinking, and what I did or didn’t like. I needed to be heard; I desired it. But after coming to my ‘realization’, I didn’t need to scream to be heard anymore, because there was already someone out there that understood me.

I’m incredibly blessed that ‘The Last’ came out around that time that I developed my ‘Yoongi-ness’, for lack of better term that doesn’t sound too over-dramatic. I’ve never been depressed—I’ve just been really sad or couldn’t feel anything at all, but I’ve felt less really-sad (or at least more comfortable with my really sad), because I knew that I could come back to this song and feel like someone understood.

And that made me happy. That’s one reason why I’m so happy now.

He understood me without hearing a word I said, knowing my face, or knowing my name. Without knowing of my existence, I felt treasured and that’s why ‘The Last’ is always the song that can make me emotional/cry.

3. One song that always makes you happy/😁?

Get Cool by Stray Kids

I have no reason for this whatsoever. I think it’s just the way they sing it or the meaning behind the lyrics, but I always feel cheered up when I listen to this song. Like nothing can bring me down and I can just be unashamed about how freakin’ happy I am.

4. One song you would dedicate to your best friend and/or family?

P.O.P (Piece of Peace) by J-hope

I think this one is pretty self explanatory. If I care for someone, I want to be their strength and their light. I want to make their dreams brighter and their nightmares disappear. I want to be a safe place for them. Therefore! Piece of Peace.

5. One song with production (the sounds, the beat, the mood) you 😍?

Manitto by Villain

This song!! This song always makes me feel like I’m in an MV, ‘cause no matter where you are, it somehow fits every. Single. Situation. It makes me feel like a suave criminal that walks by people on the street and everyone’s just like, “Daaaaaamn, is that a snack? ‘Cause all of a sudden, I’m hungry”. I always feel 50% more confident once I listen to this song. I’m not someone who swings their hips when they walk, but Manitto has that effect on me. It unlocks my inner zest. I fell in love with this song the first time I heard it and it’s been stuck in my ear eternally ever since. The vibe, the mood, the production—all of it is outstanding and totally underrated. Plus, Villain is probably one of my biggest vocal inspirations. I don’t necessarily follow his style (mostly because I don’t think I’m capable of his abilities), but I admire him so much because he’s always had his own voice color that is just incomparable.

6. One song with perfect, amazing, outstanding lyrics?

My New World by CIX

Oh my goshhhhhhh, where to start with this one? There’s nothing I don’t love about this song, particularly the lyrics. Everything from Yonghee’s falsetto to Seunghun’s power to BX’s and Hyunsuk’s shared rap part to Jinyoung’s “heyyyy~” (only those that have listened to it will understand)—it always hits me in a strong, powerful way. It’s a song all about carrying your light along with your darkness, and that’s always a lesson I’m try to teach myself every single day. I think one of my favorite lines is: “Take the bumpy road”, because it reminds me of something I told myself once. I was sitting on my bed at 4:30 in the morning, watching the sunrise. I was in a really nostalgic mood and I was alone in the house, so I just sighed, laid down and started crying for no reason, telling myself, “It’s hard to be a good person”. I think ‘My New World’ has become a source of strength for me, because it makes me feel like I’m more capable of going through the struggles of trying to be the best version of myself.

7. One song that you would recommend to anyone?

go, just go by eli

I think if you listen to it, you’ll find out what I mean without me even having to say much. I remember putting this on my friend’s ‘Calm Down and Chill’ playlist and then that same day, he called me and said, “What the heck is this?” and I was like, “...what?”. He explained to me that he meant the song, but I didn’t understand why he was so adamant about it until he said, “You can’t put stuff like that on my playlists. It’s too beautiful and it makes me cry”. I think that’s pretty powerful.

8. One song you don’t understand why you like so much but you do anyway?

BLACKWHITE by CORBYN

Corbyn (ex member of 24k) is a little-known self-producing soloist under 28Laboratory and BLACKWHITE is my favorite song by him. I love the classy-old-film vibe it has, despite it being a hip-hop song with hard rap. I’m not sure why I like, but I think it has something to do with how clever and almost punny the lyrics are. Not to mention, I always gets chills whenever he says, “Y’all don’t amaze me”. Another thing that probably helps in adding to my love for this track is that his producing feels familiar to me since he produced a lot of my favorite 24k songs, like Super Fly and Bonnie N’ Clyde.

9. One song that you think people in general wouldn’t like, but you do?

TOP Gang by MCND

I will openly admit that this is a genera plenty people aren’t that into—hip-hop with rap-heavy vocals and a raw production quality—but I happen to love this song. Not only does it impress me that all the members are so young (Win has been my baby since Under19), but also because the members took part in the writing and producing of the song. Castle J helped in producing it, and he wrote the lyrics for it, along with Win and BIC. They really have so much talent and they put so much effort into it, and I find the way they structured their rhyming to be very addictive. I find myself going back to listen to it because it puts me in that “I can do anything” kind of mood.

10. One song people normally like and you don’t like or hate?

Cheerleader by OMI

...I don’t have much to say about this one, I just don’t like it. I’m not a very social person, but I remember the year that this was REALLY popular was probably my busiest year yet, so I was out all the time, and it was playing EVERYWHERE. Going to the pool with my friends? It’s playing. Dinner with my family? It’s playing. Literally just shopping for some new underwear? (TMI, I know) Yup, that’s right. It’s playing. I just couldn’t stand it by the end of the year. 😂

11. One song you would call a masterpiece?

Saturn by Sleeping At Last

‘Saturn’ is the one song I come back to over and over again. It makes me happy, it makes me cry, it makes me thoughtful and pensive. It’s everything that I would consider a ‘masterpiece’. The beginning part with the violins and the piano always reminds me of my sister and I, because that’s always been out thing. I play piano, she plays violin. For both of us, music is our first love. My sister’s lost her first love because life is busy and she’s always working and stressed, but I’m fighting tooth and nail to hold onto it and never let go, because to me, music is everything. It brings me to the stars, which are too far away for me to physically touch. It can make me feel when I’m numb, it can make me happy when all I’ve done is cry, and it makes me realize over and over again that life is literally the best thing ever. We’d have nothing without life, and music makes that apparent to me—especially this song.

12. One song you recently (30 days max) discovered and really liked it?

I’m not okay by Deadfish

I like songs that give me an atmosphere, and this song definitely does just that. It feels like brutal honesty cutting into my skin while I’m drowning in my backyard pool, and the chlorine is seeping into my wounds and it just hurts, but in such a nice way. It feels like the loneliness gets a little bit less lonely by the end of the song, and it definitely lessens your sense of self-pity, because you realize other people feel the same as you, if not worse.

13. One song you listen to to get pumped like you wanna tear down the government or something?

HIT by Seventeen

Hit fills me with a sense of excitement and hype unlike any other. Basically, everything about it—the beat, rhythm, lyrics, bass-drop, synth, the fanchant—gets me absolutely hyped up. I can’t sit still whenever I’m listening to it, and I always (ALWAYS) sing along. If I’m sitting, I’m doing this weird shoulder and waist dance. If I’m standing, I’m jumping up and down higher than a volleyball player. It’s even worse when I’m in the mood for dancing, ‘cause then I attempt the choreography, but only in the comfort of solitude, ‘cause oh my gosh, there’s some embarrassing moments. This one definitely is heightened by the fact that I’m going to a Seventeen concert in less than a week.

Thanks again for tagging me, luv! I had a lot of fun doing it, as you know I always like to share my music with anyone that’ll listen. Anyway! I’ll tag my peeps now.

@shizziebo (You always have interesting opinions, Cheya. Love to know what’s going on in that head.)

@lostmyshame (I’m curious what you’d say. You intrigue me. 👍)

@aesthetic-06-24 (I got a random sense from you; don’t know why.)

@itslilliansnow (I know you’ve been busy recently, so don’t worry too much about getting to this.)

#tag game #tag #song #song tag

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shytalia · 4 years

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A Prince and A Pirate’s Fate - Chapter 13

— ♠ — ♠ — ♠ —

Chapter Thirteen

Start at Chapter one here:https://shytalia.tumblr.com/post/611878754309079040/a-prince-and-a-pirates-fate-usuk-fanfic

Also available on my AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shytalia

The song Arthur sings in his chapter is “When I’m Gone” by Shawn James :)

— ♠ — ♠ — ♠ —

Going back into the house, Alfred found the kitchen empty. However, by this point he knew how Arthur liked his tea so he poured some of the water into the pot sitting on the stove so it could come to a boil. A few moments later, the Brit returned.

“Ah, you’ve already got the water going. Brilliant.” The captain readied some cups and when the water had finished, he filled each and placed the tea bags inside. “You’ve made your distaste for tea quite clear, would you fancy a cup anyway?”

Alfred couldn’t keep the small smile from splitting across his face at the offer, but shook his head. “No thanks, I appreciate you asking though.”

Arthur shrugged. “Suit yourself, you can have water if you’d like. Now, let Peter know it’s almost ready.” He watched as his captive nodded and left to do just that, not failing to notice the sappy grin on the other’s face as he did so. He wondered what had Alfred feeling so happy.

Moments later, the two came back in and the younger Kirkland hopped into one of the dining chairs, bringing a cup to his lips after pulling out the bag of leaves. Arthur followed suit right after and even though he only poured himself a bit of water, Alfred sat as well.

The prince was uncharacteristically quiet as he watched the brothers go back and forth, talking among themselves as if he weren’t even there. Not that he minded. In fact, the lazy smile was still plastered on his face as he just enjoyed the peaceful exchange. It was so different sitting here with Arthur and Peter than it ever felt on the ship. He enjoyed spending time with them there as well, but here it felt more...domestic. More normal, almost. Like Arthur wasn’t his captain and Peter wasn’t sick. It felt more like a family.

“Arthur, will you play for us later?” Peter asked hopefully. The secret royal almost missed it after being in his own thoughts so long.

“Hmm, perhaps. We’ll see in a bit, alright?” Arthur replied gently.

“Play what?” Alfred found himself asking, effectively slicing the facade of privacy the two were sharing. “You can play something?”

“Yeah! Arthur can play the guitar! He sings too, he’s really good.” The younger sibling grinned proudly.

Arthur rolled his eyes, but a small smile stayed on his lips. “I don’t know that I would say ‘really good’, but it is a hobby I enjoy from time to time.” It wasn’t something he partook in very often anymore due to how busy being a captain could be. But, in the fleeting moments of calm like these, he might relax with a good song.

“I would love to hear that.” Alfred admitted aloud, unashamed at his interest. If Arthur could really sing as well as Peter was trying to hype him up to be then why shouldn’t he want to indulge his curiosity?

Arthur pondered it for a moment and let out a small sigh, accompanied by a shrug. “I suppose it won’t hurt.”

Alfred could hardly hide his excitement, which Arthur saw flash across his face like a child getting a new toy. He found himself smiling slightly in return.

--- ♠ --- ♠ --- ♠ ---

Alfred and Peter watched Arthur test the strings of the old guitar with starry eyes. Their dual eagerness was almost humorous considering one of them was a grown man. Still, both of them waited with wide smiles as the older Brit prepared the instrument and cleared his throat.

“What are you going to sing, Arthur?” Peter asked curiously.

“Hm, I was thinking one of the old songs mum used to sing.” They weren’t always the lightest of songs. Many held emotions that were raw and sorrowful, but their mother had never been one to shy away from the reality of the world. His younger brother only smiled more and nodded his approval.

When Arthur was ready, he cleared his throat.

The melody started first, dripping with an emotion Alfred hadn’t expected. It was almost sad. Then, the Brit opened his mouth to sing and the prince felt his chest pull tightly.

“Bury my heart in a willow tree”

His voice cut through the cool, afternoon air. Sitting under the large tree, branches hanging teasingly towards them, he looked unbothered by them as he continued.

“Find shelter and shade in my arms Once I am gone don't mourn for me I hope you take pride in what I used to be”

Alfred swallowed a lump in his throat. Arthur’s words cut into his heart but the content, almost peaceful, look on the captain’s face was telling. It was bittersweet to watch him sing about his own death and yet look so happy.

“I've made mistakes that I can't take back I'm just a man, both good and bad Can you forgive all my wrongs?”

The prince’s hands wrung into the fabric of his pants. Arthur’s voice was magical to him, like a siren beckoning him forward. He could feel a pull in him, calling him deeper and deeper into the other man’s depths.

Each syllable Arthur sang was another sigh of want Alfred felt.

He yearned to tell him the truth, in that moment. To admit his own wrongs, to show Arthur that his sins were not all that he was. Not to him, at least. Never to Alfred. He guaranteed he could forgive Arthur no matter what he did, but the sickening thought that Arthur could not forgive him was paralyzing.

“Memories may fade but what we create may stay Time holds the key of fate Only time can reveal the gate”

The song ended with a roar of applause from Peter, who clapped beside him. Alfred was almost shocked the younger boy enjoyed such a melancholy song. Then again, Arthur’s voice was positively radiant.

“That was amazing!” The smaller sibling declared. “See? I told you Arthur is really good!” He was grinning at Alfred now, who managed to return the gesture to hide his worries.

“It is true, you weren’t lying. You’re seriously fantastic, Cap!” Alfred praised, earning him a cocked smile and a raised eyebrow from the older man. It looked like Arthur didn’t fully believe he thought he was that good. Alfred, however he may have felt hearing the lyrics, stood by his judgement. Arthur was nothing short of a siren himself. “I could listen to you all day.”

At that, the Brit chuckled and shook his head. “I think one song is enough for now.” Only laughing again when the other two blondes pouted in disappointment. “Alright, alright. I’ll play a bit longer, but no more singing for now.”

Alfred and Peter would take that compromise, lying back in the soft grass with the sound of Arthur’s playing surrounding them.

--- ♠ --- ♠ --- ♠ ---

As evening began to turn the blue skies orange, Arthur made sure that his brother had eaten his fill of dinner before preparing him for bed.

Alfred had learned that the three of them were not headed back to the ship for the night. Instead, they would remain here for the time being and he was not about to complain about spending more time with Arthur off the giant boat.

In fact, as sullen as the lyrics had made him and how he pondered over how he could possibly tell Arthur who he truly was, the entire day had been quite relaxing afterwards. His fears and anxieties brushed away by the gentle strumming of the guitar and he had simply enjoyed being near the two brothers in such a relaxing state. That airy mood transferred over to now, after Peter had been put into his bed and Arthur was standing before him with a curious stare.

“Let’s head to the beach for a bit.” The prince offered. They surprisingly hadn’t even touched the sand, despite it really not being that far from the tiny home. But, he supposed beaches weren’t that exciting for pirates.

Arthur was hesitant to leave Peter behind in the house, but knew very well that given their position that no one would be able to sneak up on the building without them noticing first. “You didn’t get enough sand on you in The King’s Grave?” He asked mockingly, ignoring the cringe Alfred gave when he mentioned the harbor’s name again. He chalked it up to him remembering his fight there.

“It just feels really nice out.” Alfred countered with a small grin. “We won’t go far. The moon is bright out so I figured it’d be okay to take a little walk.” He wanted to admit that he wanted to walk with Arthur along the beach like in those many of those old, cheesy romance novels his mother read. He wanted to hold his hand, pull him close in the moonlight, and ravish his lips until they were both out of breath.

“It won’t hurt to take a small stroll, I suppose.” The smaller man relented, allowing Alfred the lead the way out of the small house.

It didn’t take them long to reach the shore line, their steps making marks in the untouched sand. They only walked a short distance, the dim light of the house still very clearly in view.

“Peter mentioned your family earlier. Er, your mom and your brothers.” Alfred couldn’t help but start. He had bit back his curiosity more than once that day but now that he finally had Arthur alone, he couldn’t help himself. “He showed me their graves. I’m sorry if this isn’t a good subject, I just--”

“You just want to know more about me.” Arthur finished for him. “You say that a lot, you know?”

Alfred blushed a little and scratched the back of his head with a weak chuckle. “Only because it’s really true.”

Arthur hummed but didn’t reply, their feet crunching softly in the sand and the gentle rolling of the waves was the only sound. Soon, however, they came to a set of giant rocks, at which the captain paused and sat. He motioned for Alfred to join him on the large, grey stone.

“Arthur,” he voiced carefully. He had a million things he wanted to say but they just jumbled up in his throat. “Why do you not want to be queen?”

The Brit scoffed, “I thought I had made it perfectly clear I didn’t like that question.” Considering the first time it had been asked he nearly killed the younger man. It was brave of him to ask it again, he had to admit. Either that or it was just really stupid.

But, unlike last time, Arthur didn’t fly into a rage. It almost surprised himself that he took the question, which usually irritated him to no end, as calmly as he did. He would blame it on the serenity of their current spot by the waves.

“I know and I’m sorry, I don’t want to make you upset.” Alfred replied quickly. He was telling the truth and he was certain Arthur could tell that by the way he was looking at him.

“But?” Arthur urged. He knew there was more the other man wanted to say.

Alfred nodded slowly, willing himself to continue. “But...you never actually gave me a reason. Most people would want a position like that so I...I don’t know. I guess I just don’t understand, but I want to. You’re smart and you’re strong, I know you must have a reason to hate the idea of being queen as much as you do.” Even though it burnt on his tongue to say, he knew it was the truth of the matter.

The British captain didn’t respond right away, instead he glanced out to the blue waves sparkling under the moonlight. After a few minutes of watching the waters caress the land, Arthur spoke up.

“Tell me, Alfred,” he started slowly, his green eyes still staring out into the vast expanse of the sea before them. “What do you know of Jokers?”

“Jokers?” Alfred repeated, the hint of judgement in his voice audible without him meaning for it to be.

Arthur didn’t fail to notice the raise in the other man’s voice and his lips turned downward. “Yes. You are from the Spade capital, you have a sort of fondness for the royal family, you must know about them. Tell me, what do you think of them?”

Alfred wasn’t sure. He had been told many things of Jokers, none of which were exactly good. Though he had never met any himself, he had been told they were very few and far between. Much like The Goddess marked the future king and queen with the appropriate stamp, Jokers were marked as well but were also of a different, more confusing breed altogether.

Jokers weren’t exactly understood, but a good many believed they brought nothing but ruin and destruction.

Alfred had heard many stories of the past, where people had been falsely accused as Jokers by their peers as a way of revenge. It had been little short of a witch hunt, little proof needed for a painful, if not deadly, sentence to be carried out on the accused. Times had changed since then, of course, but the thought of finding a Joker was taboo at best.

“I...don’t know.” Alfred admitted quietly, wondering why on earth Arthur would bring up such a topic. “I always heard Jokers were evil. That they were a mockery to the Divine and that their symbols were that of darkness. Aren’t they supposed to bring down the fall of the kingdoms?”

Arthur’s face was stony as he listened, his emerald eyes now boring into the young prince with an expression he couldn’t read. It made Alfred cringe inward.

“That’s what you’ve heard but you’ve yet to tell me what you actually think.”

“Oh, umm...” He didn’t think much of it at all, truthfully. It was hard when he had never experienced it first hand. As far as he knew, no Joker had been found in decades. He couldn’t lie that he held a certain apprehension about them, after all the old stories and warnings had to hold some truth. Didn’t they? “I don’t…really think anything about them, I guess. I’ve never met one, so how could I judge someone I’ve never actually met?”

If he had learned anything it was not to fully trust the stories he’d grown up hearing. Arthur unknowingly taught him that much. After all, he had heard so many horrible things about Arthur before having actually met him and yet here he was, completely infatuated. He couldn't see himself with anyone else.

Something about his answer must have struck Arthur, though he didn’t voice his thoughts aloud. The older man’s eyes shifted, dancing across his face as if he were searching for something. After a while, he spoke again. “Peter told you about our mother and our older brothers.” It wasn’t a question so much as just a fact.

“Yes. Well, he told me which grave was whose, and your brother’s names.” Alfred didn’t know any more than that.

“He didn’t tell you how they died.”

Again, not a question. Still, Alfred shook his head no.

Arthur’s thoughtful gaze left his face then and returned towards the ocean. The captain’s green eyes reflected the moonlight off the water and now Alfred felt himself staring at them.

“Have you ever wondered why I named my ship ‘The Siren’s Arrow’?” Arthur asked without looking at him.

“You’re asking a lot of weird questions tonight.” Not that Alfred minded because he did enjoy talking with Arthur, but the pirate was acting off. Like there was something bothering him but he just wasn’t allowing himself to voice his concerns.

The green-eyed man turned and frowned at his servant with an impatient glare. At the annoyed gesture, Alfred decided it’d be best to answer his questions, even if they were strange.

“I...kind of. I mean, pirates always give their ships cool names, right? I always figured it was just a name you thought sounded nice.” He hadn’t thought much about it, truthfully. Out of all the things he wanted to learn about Arthur, his naming skills were not exactly at the forefront of his mind. But, now that it was brought up directly, he found himself curious. “Why did you name it that?”

“After my mother.”

The answer had been so quick and so quiet that Alfred questioned whether it had actually been said out loud at all or if his mind had made it up. He looked to Arthur again, his questions silently gleaming in his eyes until the other elaborated.

“The Siren’s Arrow is a memorial, of sorts. My mother loved to sing and she loved the ocean, much like a siren. The song I sang earlier was something she often enjoyed singing herself while she walked on the beach.” He explained.

Alfred felt that same, worried feeling twist in his chest as before.

“But...what about the arrow?” He asked cautiously. If the siren herself was meant to be Arthur’s mother for such a personal reason, she was no doubt armed for a similar purpose.

At that Arthur gave a small, almost sad smile. It took him a few moments to answer, trying to decide the words to use or if he even wanted to be truthful at all. “The arrow isn’t as much of a metaphor as you might think.” He finally admitted, shifting in a way that Alfred almost thought looked uncomfortable. It was not a look he was used to from the captain.

“We don’t have to talk about this if you really don’t want to.”

Arthur scoffed again. “I’m not a child, lad. I’ve got a stiff upper lip.”

Alfred was unconvinced that Arthur was completely alright with the current topic, but nodded. “So, it isn’t as much of a metaphor. Then why an arrow?” He urged and against his better judgement, reached out and put his hand on top of the other man’s in what he hoped was a comforting motion.

“Right.” The pirate’s mocking grin was gone and replaced by a small frown, but he didn’t move his hand away as Alfred took it. “I asked you how you feel about Jokers for a reason. You probably don’t believe there are any around, do you? Your precious royals tell you everything’s alright because there aren’t any…vermin around to ruin things.” The heat raised in his words as he spoke and his free hand curled into a fist at his side. “What if they were lying?”

“Lying?” Alfred's brows furrowed together in confusion. The King and Queen couldn’t be lying. He was the Prince of Spades, he would know if his parents knew. He was being trained as the next ruler of a powerful empire, they wouldn’t keep secrets from him.

Right?

“Arthur, what are you talking about?” Alfred demanded as softly as he could, but the suspicion and hurt edged his words sharply.

“I’m talking about your shite royals in their damned lies!” The Brit practically yelled back, but his anger was placed far beyond where he was glaring. The fire that burned in his eyes, filled with hatred and despair, was not at the Alfred that sat beside him. It was aimed far away, at the prince he believed to be cooped up in the castle.

The realization that Arthur’s outburst was meant for him, knowingly or not, made Alfred’s guilt grow worse. But how could he tell the fiery captain who he was without him hating him forever?

“What does that have to do with Jokers? Or your family?” Alfred was desperately trying to piece together a puzzle in his mind from the fragments he had been given. This was all suddenly new, despite everything he had been told about Arthur, none of it fit together with the new information he was being given. “Tell me why you hate the Spade Prince so much.”

At that, the Englishman let out a dark laugh. His voice ringing around Alfred’s head like a cruel fog.

“Because,” he started with a menacing smile. “The absolute tosser is the same as the rest of the lot there. A liar. A rich fuck who doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself. I’ll be damned if I ever let that bastard have me as their queen.”

“You don’t even know him!” Alfred cried in return, searching for anything to tell him Arthur could be convinced to let down some of his hatred for who he really was. His hand gripped tightly around Arthur's in an attempt to ground himself.

“Ha! I know more than enough to know he is no different than the rest. I’d very well skin the coddled prick alive before I would ever marry him.”

Arthur meant it, the prince could see it in his eyes. He’d fight to his last breath to avoid being his queen.

“What about the goddess?” Alfred whispered hopelessly.

“What about her? That she’s playing a fun, little game with us mortals and those royal dumbasses are too far up their own righteous asses to see that? Are you seriously trying to tell me that you believe She marked me with a good heart? Are you forgetting how we even met? What I’ve done to you?” Arthur challenged. He was not a good man, he knew that for a fact. He had done countless things he could never take back no matter how he tried to repent his sins.

“No, I haven’t forgotten.” Alfred replied, clasping the other man’s hand in his and bringing it up between them so he could hold it with both of his. “But that doesn’t change a thing. Why do you insist on thinking you’re a bad person?”

“I am a bad person, you idiot!” Arthur tried to pull his hand away but Alfred only held it tighter in his grasp.

“You’ve done some bad things but I know you aren’t a bad person. You’ve been forced to become something you never asked for, I understand that. It’s a lot to ask of you to become queen.” Alfred pulled the Brit’s hand closer and leaned in to pepper his fingers with light kisses.

Arthur stared at him with wide eyes, though he was still very much fuming. “Stop doing that!” He hissed.

“Doing what? Kissing you?” Alfred asked, the thought of rejection stinging his words sadly.

“That! Why the hell are you so bloody nice? Even after everything?” After all the yelling, the degrading, and even using his body for a night of pleasure, the younger boy was still by his side. Arthur couldn’t wrap his head around it and the dizziness from it made his mind swirl in confusion.

“Oh,” Alfred let himself smile, a harsh contrast to the glaring Brit looking back at him. “Because...I think I’m falling in love with you.”

To say Arthur’s eyes went wide would be an understatement. His mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, staring at the taller man as if he had three heads and a tail. As if he were completely insane, because he had to be to say something that ridiculous.

“I know you told me not to develop feelings but...you can’t really help who you fall in love with, you know?” Alfred blushed and shrugged sheepishly, blue eyes glancing to the side. “And I understand you don’t want that. I know...you like your solitude. But I also know you enjoy tea, and roses, and reading. I love knowing that about you, even if you don’t want to know things about me. That’s okay, as long as you’re happy then I’m happy.”

The prince watched the other with hopeful eyes, carefully weighing the emotions rapidly shifting across Arthur’s face. Eventually, the Brit shook his head but his mouth didn’t attempt to make any words.

“It’s alright. Like I said, I just want you to be happy.” Alfred reiterated gently. As much as he wished Arthur would return his feelings, he knew that asking for that was next to a miracle even without the Brit knowing his secret identity. “But, you’re not completely happy.” He said without warning, noticing the furrow deepening on Arthur’s brow. “You aren’t completely happy and I have a feeling the royal family is the cause...are you willing to tell me why? What all that talk about Jokers and lies were? I want to help you.”

“You can’t help me!” Arthur blurted out.

“Try me.” He replied easily.

Once again the only sound was that of the waves dragging across the sand. It went on that way, with Arthur glaring daggers at the secret prince but not making any attempt to pull his hand out of his strong grip.

The Brit’s face scrunched up in an array of pained emotions. Namely anger, as his scowl deepened the more he thought back on what led him to hate the Spades so fervently. If Alfred wanted the truth so badly, then let him have it.

“Your royals murdered my family.” Arthur finally answered, his words dry against his throat.

Alfred’s own brows knitted together in tempered confusion. “Why would they do that?”

Arthur let out a sarcastic laugh, but his answer was swift. “Because, that’s what they do! They kill anyone who doesn’t do what they say.”

He could see that Alfred wanted more of an explanation without him even having to say it, so he obliged. If his little captive wanted to know his past so badly then he would tell him, and he would smear his bloody truths across the faces of the king and queen as he went.

“My family did nothing to them and they had them slaughtered like swine. All because of some old wives tales of ruin and disaster.” Arthur’s glare bore into Alfred with an unrelenting fury. For a moment, the young prince was worried the captain had figured out who he was and was planning his murder. “My brothers and my mother died so that Peter and I could live. Your damned King and Queen ordered the death of a child hardly old enough to write his own name! For what? Because of some mark on his skin, he’s supposed to be a monster? He wasn’t! He isn’t a monster! But they couldn’t bother themselves long enough to see that, once they heard he had a Joker’s mark they ordered him to die.”

Alfred stared at Arthur in confusion and worry. The captain was riled up but he held fast to his hand, doing his best to run his thumb over his pale knuckles in an attempt to relax him. Slowly, the pieces were coming together. “Peter...is a Joker?” He hoped he didn’t sound too hesitant.

Those green eyes snapped to him with a determined glower. “Peter is the child your royals want dead even though he has done nothing wrong.” He corrected sharply. “My older brothers stayed to fight off the guards and were shot down as we fled. My mother brought us to the pier and stowed us away on a ship no one else dared to go near. Every bit of coin she had saved went to begging a pirate captain to allow us passage on his ship. But the royal guards were drawing near, leaving the broken bodies of my older brothers in their wake.”

The waves against the sand bristled to life, their soft caresses quickly shifting into a hard pound. The wind grew stronger, threatening to push them from where they sat perched on the rocks. Alfred recognized this sudden shift in power but didn’t say anything, he just allowed Arthur to continue.

“My mother knew they’d find us, so she left me and Peter on the boat. She ran back onto land, bow in her hand, to distract the guards long enough so I could take Peter and escape. Then, they killed her too...but it worked. We escaped and became pirates ourselves to survive against a kingdom that hates us.” It was rough at first, no doubt. But through hard work, Arthur earned his keep and then worked even harder so he could earn young Peter’s as well. Thankfully, pirates had a knack for avoiding the navy so that was one worry they didn’t have to stress too much on.

“We came back here eventually, after I became a captain with my own crew. We found where they had buried the bodies and moved them back home.” Arthur explained. “But then, of course, that couldn’t be it. No, now I’m supposed to be some dress up doll for Spadian nobility that want nothing more than to see my brother dead.”

“It might not have to be that way, maybe we can convince them to compromise.” Alfred offered, unconvincingly. Arthur sent him a nasty glare.

“What the hell are you supposed to do? You don’t hold power over what they do. You’re as much of a disposable body as any other poor sod to them.” He nearly growled, making Alfred close his mouth. He couldn’t tell him the truth. “They’d strip me of everything if they could. If I let my guard down for just one second too long they’ll dispose of Peter like it was nothing. Me being marked as the future queen means nothing. It’s all for show, surely you’ve realized this? They don't want me, they just want the body with the mark on it.”

Alfred felt his mouth go dry.

What was he supposed to say? He wanted to plead with Arthur and tell him things didn’t have to be that way. But, how could he do that without revealing himself?

Then there was the issue of Peter. He held no doubt in his mind that he still adored the kid to death and wouldn’t want anything to happen to him. He was certain he could convince his parents to spare him and, in time, they would care about him as well. But that didn’t change the fact he had never known about him in the first place. His parents had ordered his death without Alfred ever even knowing a Joker had been found at all.

The trust he felt for his own mother and father was wavering. What else could they be lying about? And out of all things, how could they lie to him about Arthur?

“Artie,” Alfred’s grip on the slender hand tightened and he brought it closer to his lips, peppering it with soft kisses once more. “I won’t let that happen. I’ll be your hero, don’t worry.”

Arthur let out a mocking laugh, but Alfred was determined to prove he was telling the truth.

“I know you don’t need me. I told you already, you’re strong on your own. But I still want to fight for you anyway.” He was serious, catching the other blonde’s gaze and holding it for a long moment.

“You truly are a ridiculous git, you know that?” Arthur replied with a slight smile, his words holding no malice. The wind around them calming to a cool breeze and the waves slowing back to their previous peacefulness. The British captain himself was visibly more calm despite the words he spoke.

This made Alfred smile warmly in return.

“So you’ve told me.” The prince chuckled, leaning in to capture Arthur’s lips on his own.

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