#I FEEL EVEN MORE ACCOMPLISHED

[unofficially-racetrack]

OMG I DID IT

I’m so proud of myself

I froze up as he turned to me and I panicked

Forgot how to talk for a minute

And said:

“I’m non-binary SLASH genderfluid.”

SLASH. I SAID FUCKING SLASH. EERRRGGGG

He looked at me like I was crazy, then like he came to realization I wasn’t joking, stared at me like it makes sense, and said “noice” and gave me a thumbs up.

ILL HAVE YOU KNOW THIS KID IS OLDER THAN ME AND SAID “noice”

#I did it guys #he approves #oh my god #i feel accomplished #I love myself #WIAT A MINUTE- #oh my goodness. #I FEEL EVEN MORE ACCOMPLISHED

[junotter]

All the jokes about Ken and horses are good but I just wanna say it's such a good parallel to how actual young men get swept into misogyny and the patriarchy.

Like they're told to believe it means men get to be cool and manly and have this power but with that comes extremely rigid commands of what they can be as a man and a cycle of self hatred for never matching those gender roles perfectly. Patriarchy tells men that if they just do exactly what is expected of them, then they get all the "cool stuff" that comes with. That doesn't work though when there's only a small group that actually gets that power, but men will keep trying to fit into those roles in hopes that they can.

In the end there are no horses or the myth men are told, it's just endless cycles of self hatred and ingroup fighting.

#barbie #barbie movie #barbie spoilers #ig #ive got a lot more on how barbie looks at feminism and the patriarchy cause god they did it #not to say there isnt faults such as very little conversation about intersectionality #but i can also understand the impossible task of talking about EVERYTHING in one movie #not everyone will be happy and thats fine #anyway i think something barbie did really well is fight this battle of both wanting so deeply to love (romantically or not) men but also #not dismissing the fact its mens job to solve their problems themselves #that even if women need to be the front runners of breaking the patriarchy men cannot rely on them to solve their own problems completely #also just god im so glad this wasnt a girl boss slay movie #women deserve respect and love and life regardless of accomplishment #we should not have to be ceos and presidents and world problem solvers to gain equality #i can also understand if nonbinary people feel left out/disconnected from the movie #but as always gender abolition and acknowledging the gender binary (ie the one societially impossed) go hand and hand 👍 #just incase cause idfk terfs dni the barbie movie is not for you #barbie literally states constantly that her gender has nothing to do with (non existent) genitals so f off

[onaperduamedee]

Moiraine and Rand, alone again, naturally - 1x08 || 2x06

#The Wheel of Time #wot show spoilers #wotedit #wot on prime #moiraine damodred #rand al'Thor #wot s2 spoilers #wot season 2 spoilers #wheel of time s2 spoilers #wheel of time season 2 spoilers #mygifs: wot #you're a cool one #never not feral about them and all the parallels between them #it makes me so sad that yet again the both of them are going into this finale thinking they are better off without their friends #at some point someone will have to gently shake them and tell them they matter outside of how they can serve others #but hey today's not the day and I feel such a sad bean about them #what hurts the most with Moiraine is that she's so convinced there is no point in trying to make herself more palatable for others #she might burn everything and everyone as long as she can accomplish her purpose #and now she can't even do that #to say I'm worried about her is putting it mildly #Rand at least is drawn toward his friends because it makes him feel good still #light you can see the relief with Mat and the disappointment when Mat didn't turn up #Moiraine's just like 'I don't deserve anything good ever again' #although the Barty convo is a step in the right direction

[mymarifae]

i'm the birthday millie today

i'm super old now.

#^_^ I THINK TODAY IS GOINF TO BE A NICE BIRTHDAY #i'm not like. doing anything special. but! i was thinking about it last night and i've come a long way... #all things considered i'm doinf a pretty good job at like. living life! #i've accomplished quite a bit! i've grown! i know lots more about myself! i'm figuring it out!!!! #i'm going to go to lunch with my mom and then later this evening i'm going tooooo get Not Sober and just have fun 💖 #thanks for sticking around with me for another year of my life !!!!!! #i know i haven't been posting here a ton lately. lots of reasons for that. but i think about you all my tumblr only friends lots... #i hope you've all been well! love you lots. if any mutuals want my priv twitter feel free to ask :3 #if you read all of these here's a present for you: 🐦 #doodles #felix

[pup-pee]

jokes @ night r not funny in the morning,,,

originally the blue was green but then i decided 2 b pan

#dont even ask me what i was trying 2 accomplish #CAUSE IDKKK #sighs @ least they look cute igg #bart is still hard 4 ne 2 draw idk sobbs #also i seem 2 draw him in a lot of tanktops while i draw kon in a lot of crop tops #i just ????????? #anyways i literally have no idea wtf this means #it was supposed 2 b silly & funny but if ur evil u could make it angsty #not me thoo…..i would neever #cause what kind of sick freak does that #((its me im the sick freak)) #no but this is supposed 2 b silly ITS JUST RLLY NOT FUNNY IDK #konbart #kart #still 2 scared 2 but it in their main tags or whateverrrr #NO BC LIKE I DONT WANNA GET RIPPED APART #omggg the reason y it looks more angst is bc i put the ‘dw’ isnt itttt #ughhhhhhh #ok sure whatever GRRR AAAAAA #i have a better kart drawing idea but this 1 was easier 2 draw #brrrr #i feel like im just mostly going 2 b drawing kart 2day oh man #((i say this like i dont draw them everyday)) #puppee art #holy u can rlly tell i h8 stabalizers batman #i say ‘line arts my fav part’ but i dont actually do nice line art idfkkk yyyy but mayb its bc u dont need clean lineart 2 render stuff??? #@ least i dont #man i should render smth its been so long since ive like ‘completed’ a full drawingg #HELP IM STILL UPSET HOW I DREW BART I LIKE I JUST DONT WANT 2 DRAW HIM LOOKING LIKE A KID BUT LIKE OTS KINDA HARD WHEN HES NEXT 2 KON THIS I

[uncanny-tranny]

Comparing oppression can sometimes give you insight as to what other groups of people go through. It teaches you what you have in common with people seemingly different than you are, and teaches you how you are different and how you can ally yourself better with other peoples.

However, if your goal is to prove you suffer the most between you and another person, you'll likely find that there is no conversation, just an endless barrage of back-and-forth to prove which of you deserves to be listened to.

The reality is that you don't have to be in the most pain in order to be listened to. So often, we are inundated with this idea that the person suffering the most is the only one who ought to be listened to, and it sends the message of "holy shit, I guess I don't matter. I guess I deserve to suffer if others are going through worse," and that's just unreasonable and unfair. Who has it worse is entirely contextual and changing, and sometimes it is subjective - as in, something that is earth-breaking for you is an average tuesday evening for the guy next to you.

Kill the cop in your head that says your voice will only matter if you prove yourself. Listen to other marginalized people and know it isn't a competition to see who can prove themselves most worthy of tine and energy. Our resources can (and should) be multifaceted and able to help a variety of peoples.

#intersectionality #talking to trans women and nonbinary folk and intersex people taught me so much about the idea that my oppression isn't entirely unique... #...and that taught me that i must have more interests in my heart... #...and it showed me that i have a broad community even if i didn't always feel it #that's one example #i understand why some people do that but i just can't help but wonder #and in spaces where it's expected that you prove yourself battle royal style i always notice that... nothing really gets accomplished... #...and that isn't always a bad thing! communities don't have to do tangible things in order to be important... #...but i just notice that people tend to be very defensive because they have to be and they express that they feel unheard... #it's a complicated and nuanced topic and i definitely am no spokesman... #...i'm commenting on a *general* trend i have seen in some spaces that isn't universally shared

[mikodaiyo]

I saw everyone else drawing a full moon & wanted to join!

#sesskag #sesshomaru #kagome #sesshomaru x kagome #inuyasha #my art #ok ANYWAY #I was very excited to do the pantssssss i love this denim palette+brush its so fun #and less daunting to draw clothes! well modern clothes #I liked playing with brushes on this! I loosened my wrist and let it do what it wanted to kagome's hair #and I actually like ittt I have to remind myself hair is not just a dead thing on your head 💀 on my hairspray shit😆 #I just needed to play and loosen up and focus on something elseeee anything else 😩 sesskag is nice its calming #I actually like looking at this omg I'm like next time i feel like going all out #I'm going to reference this photo because there are thingsssss #i wanted kagome's hair to pop more since its kinda the main feature AND I think I accomplished that #I could render it more but...nnnahhhh nah that's my too much gene trying to get out #Im gonna recharge and render the hair even better next time #and sess' hair fringe/bangs are getting harder and easier its weird #yoart

[the-cookie-of-doom]

for a while now, I've really been doubting my career choices with nursing. I know a lot of it is burn out and depression, and being so overwhelmed between work, school, and clinical, that I didn't have time to breathe. I was in the hospital/on campus for 60 hours a week last semester, and that's not counting the time I had to study outside of that. It was awful. I quit my job because of it, I was almost involuntarily committed because of it.

But the scariest part for me has been how much I've hated clinical. It makes me miserable. And that's terrifying, because once I graduate? That's what I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life. So if I already hate it now, what does that mean for my future?

Sometimes, though... Sometimes I'll have a clinical that is just so good, it reminds me of why I'm doing this. Why I'm putting myself through the pain and suffering of becoming a nurse, which is honestly one of the hardest careers a person can have. It's mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. It destroys your body and your mental health. Most of the time it's thankless. It doesn't pay nearly enough for what we go through.

Despite all of the reasons there are not to become a nurse, there are some patients that will remind you why it's all worth it anyway.

Last week, I had a crotchety old bitch of a patient. She had been in the hospital for 10 days, was refusing all of her treatments, screamed at anyone that came in her room, and demanded dilaudid around the clock, despite having no injuries to justify it. Everyone hated her. Her own nurses went in her room as little as possible; I think in the entire 12 hours I was there, her nurse spent maybe a total of 20 minutes in her room. I was in there for hours. A couple minutes at a time in the beginning just so she could warm up to me. Then I spent 2 straight hours at her bedside just talking to her. Letting her tell me her life story. Which was tragic, of course, and no wonder she was so run down and bitter and wanted to get high off narcotics. She was miserable, lonely, and in chronic pain from a body that was deteriorating around her.

So I spent as much time with her as possible. Sure enough, she didn't ask me for any pain medications a single time, once she realized she could trust I was going to look after her. I Explained her medications and her treatments, and the reasoning behind them. I offered to reach out to out chaplain when I noticed she was hyper focused on some televangical broadcast. I got her to call her son to come visit her. I got her to agree to take her medications and allow us to take blood sample for her labs, which were days overdue. I got her up and working with physical therapy so she could start walking again.

By the end of the day, that patient loved me. Not a single complaint all day, she wasn't screaming down the halls and cursing everyone's existence. She was still crotchety and mean in that way old hillbillies are, but she wasn't angry. She wasn't lashing out. She was finally being cooperative. All because I took the time to talk to her and offer her company.

Tonight, I had a shift in our mental health unit. There was a patient who I noticed was very withdrawn and avoiding everyone, mostly just standing in a corner at the end of the hall, by a window. I went down and talked to him. Kind of stilted at first, but slowly he opened up to me. I really only meant to talk for a few minutes, mostly for my own sake, to get used to interacting with mental health patients like this.

Instead, we talked for hours. Nearly 3 hours straight at the start of the day alone, and then more throughout the day. My feet were killing me by the end of it, but it was completely worth it to see the way this poor guy came to life. We talked about everything from social topics like music and movies, to his medications and treatments, and how to manage his depression once he leaves. Something I was able to connect with him about on a personal level in a way his nurse hadn't, because I've been living with depression for a decade, I've been on antidepressants, and I understand. I think that was the point it clicked for him, when he really started reaching out to me, instead of answering when I prompted him. Because humans need connection and understanding.

By the end of the day he was talking freely and smiling nearly non-stop. We'd made plans for him to get back into an old hobby he hadn't touched in years, and he seemed genuinely excited to start it back up again. He was nearly bouncing in place when I went to say goodbye to him at the end of the night, and thanked me for talking to him all day. Even the staff nurses noticed the way his demeanor had completely changed.

Another patient (my actual patient for the night) started the day very combative. To the point she had to be redirected to her room (not locked up, just strongly encouraged to go and cool down). She was screaming at everyone, having some very serious and severe delusions. Same story; I talked to her throughout the day, little bits whenever she was feeling calm. I noticed she had a tattoo from an old semi-niche XBox game I used to play, and we bonded over that. By the end of the shift she loved me. Kept asking me if I'd gotten lunch/dinner, made sure all the other patients on the unit got their snacks, told us all to get some rest once it was curfew for the unit (we had to stay another 2 hours) and said we could use the spare bed in her room if we needed. Which sounds really weird but coming from her was incredibly sweet. Again, total attitude change.

I am very cognizant of the fact that the way I approach my patient care is largely a privilege of still being a student. It's easy for me to stand at a patient's bedside for 2 hours straight and listen to her life story when I have nothing better to do, let alone 3 other patients to take care of. But that nurse didn't talk to her at all. Even when she was in the room, she dismissed everything the patient said. The mental health nurses? Most of their time is spent in the nursing station gossiping and messing on their phones. There's no reason for them not to put in the extra effort of spending time with their patients. And especially there, it can have such an impact.

All of that is to say, I love the relationships I'm able to build with my patients. It's so important for me to be able to connect with people like this, to make them feel seen and cared for and important. No one wants to be treated like an inconvenience, especially not while they're in the hospital, sick and hurt and exhausted and in pain.

Nights like these are why I'm going into this field. I love medicine and I always knew I would end up in the hospital, I've always wanted to be able to save someone's life. But I think now that I've grown up and I'm actually working with these patients, I've come to see not only how rewarding it is to save someone's life, but to nurture that life, too.

#cookie speaks #dont mind me i'm just feeling really sappy #im really proud of what i was able to accomplish with that patient today #he's going home tomorrow and i really hope he's able to do the things we talked about #i truly love being able to help people this way #i want to be the kind of nurse that people remember #i want my patients to feel taken care of and cared for #i dont have a single maternal bone in my body and i never thought i was much of a caretaker #but this is genuinely such a rewarding experience #i dont care how hard nursing is when I get to have days like these #I know it won't be nearly as easy once I start nursing for real #ill have so much more responsibility #but for now I'm going to take advantage of my ability to sit and talk with my patients for hours at a time #i think even if they aren't psychiatric patients #everyone wants to be heard #having someone's undivided attention makes you feel good #especially in this day and age where people are constantly talking over each other and distracted by their phones and never really present #in a conversation #so I always try to give that to others #i love therapeutic communication lol #one of my favorite parts of nursing #anyway

[normalbrothers]

funniest sentiment i've ever seen in a fanfic is arthur somehow admiring john's intelligence (and feeling lacking here). first of all they are the same brand of idiot, he simply wouldn't feel insecure that way next to john, and second of all between the two of them arthur is very much the smart one

#arthur is a deeply insecure in some ways but this? #i don't even think he feels specifically inadequate next to tommy either; it's a little more complicated than that #arthur has no emotional filter which makes him gullible in some ways but he's shown to be fairly observant and strategically adept #what has john ever accomplished ...

[wizardnaturalist]

see, despite the Everything, I had hope that Leo's Forced Cognitive Restructuring would give him new perspectives on what kinds of people (all of them) deserve respect and recognition

but instead it's almost had the opposite effect. hes become embittered to his situation and is losing many of the traits that made him likable despite his character flaws. his honour, his devotion, his belief, have all been sanded away in the pursuit of becoming "stronger"

#still only on part 2 of twoc so no spoilers please #I was actually starting to like him for a little bit there when he started taking control of his life again #but now I just find him even more unpleseant #also savine should kick his ass for even Considering using their children for political gain #the wisdom of crowds #the age of madness #joe abercrombie #leo dan brock #it is taking me forever to read this book bcs I very much dislike a lot of it but thats. how im supposed to feel #the writing is spectacular and is accomplishing its job wonderfully but that still means that im averse to picking up the book #especially after particularly harrowing chapters

[blujayonthewing]

thinkin again about the time elyss's DM cut in to stop a conversation between her and a semi-retired player character to hurriedly take back control of him as an NPC before he could give her, as an extremely kind and thoughtful gift, one of his own personal belongings, and then said 'elyss can probably buy it from him though :)' instead

like. what an egregiously fucking shitty thing to do, actually.

#I think we were caught SO offguard that neither of us was able to articulate a good resistance although we both tried #eldryn's player: ...I mean... he WAS going to just give it to her #DM: haha well I don't wanna just give you guys too much stuff [???] #me: I mean-- you JUST gave us like? ten thousand gold and a castle that we didn't even ask for ......? #I HAVE the money [2000g????] and I don't actually care about losing it but.............??? #DM: yeah so I just feel like I've already given you guys a lot lately #WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN SAID WAS: THAT WAS A GIFT BETWEEN CHARACTERS NOT 'THE DM GIVING US TOO MUCH'. #WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN SAID WAS 'YOU ARE CHANGING A KIND GESTURE FROM A GOODHEARTED MAN INTO A CRAVEN EXPLOITATION OF ELYSS FOR MONEY.' #WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN SAID WAS 'TAKING OVER A PLAYER CHARACTER IN THE MIDDLE OF A CONVERSATION BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT ELYSS TO HAVE A THING #'IS AN ABUSE OF DM POWER AND AN EGREGIOUS BREACH OF DM/ PLAYER TRUST.' #WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN SAID WAS 'WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE AGAINST ELYSS AND/OR ME PERSONALLY.' #and like. the actual consequences are so small. we were in a between-arcs timeskip we had BBEG Treasure Hoard money #Elyss loses 2000g and doesn't even miss it. Eldryn being a good friend IS canon and the DM can suck my dick about it #but on principle. on principle the fact that he did that. that is so incredibly shitty. you don't see that? #and for what? over an arbitrary price tag that I could afford without even missing it anyway? #over a magic item that's more psychological security blanket than anything particularly overpowered? #over powerplay dick waving over who REALLY gets to control Eldryn now that he's technically been retired as a PC? #what?? what is the reason??? ALL it accomplished was a fucking character assassination of a sweetheart character #which I think we've all privately decided didn't actually happen anyway because it's stupid and terrible and not fair of DM to Just Decide #and my already pretty flimsy trust in my friend as a DM sinking to unforeseen new lows #god. god. #about me #my OCs #elyss

[bisan-is-trying]

The U.S Central Command is now publishing ads on tumblr (and i assume other platforms also) warning citizens of Gaza "Not to race toward the food packages" and " Don’t cause harm to yourself and others by rushing into the sea after the humanitarian aid packages" and "don't push each other in way to getting the food and help" and "Don’t harm yourself by trying to catch it"

Saying absurd stuff like, "Don’t gather in huge crowds or else the aid won’t be distributed" and "avoid forming crowds so you don't hurt."

And i have to ask myself, is this supposed to be heroic? Is this supposed to be the response for "the flour massacre"? Also, do they really expect gazans to read those ads and be like, "You know what, i never thought of that! Thanks America!"

#Palestine #فلسطين #the flour massacre #im not even surprised #israel has been posting stuff like this for the past two years “dont be a terrorist ” “do what the idf tells you” #not surprised the US is using the same cheap methods #the thing that kills me is what the fuck do they think this accomplishes #what kills me more is it feels like they are degrading the people who just want to survive #i hate this world #i never hated the world more than i do these days #i hope everyone responsible fucking suffers #i also have to ask myself who is this for??

[nekobanca]

Right on time for Mermay (~‾⌣‾ )~

#nekobanca #mermay #kh #soriku #guys i made myself sad by coming up with a sad soriku mermay story #something about sora feeling sad 'cause others have been putting him down even with all his accomplishments and riku has been secretive and #wont tell sora who the neclace he is making is for and so one day sora goes up close to the surface (alone) to prove himself but then ends #up almost getting caught and riku saves him in the nick of time and gives sora saying that he was making it for his precious someone #and sora didnt get that riku meant it was for him but anyways sora is sad that his riku is gone!! and like the little mermaid gets huma #legs to try and find riku and i have more but maybe thats enough spamming my tags TvT

[wild-at-mind]

I feel like tags like these were inevitable on the post about people traumatising themselves for the greater good or w/e... There is SO much emphasis on posting on tumblr and other social media being so important and so useful and we must never stop. But I would like to counterargue with the idea that posting on social media (especially tumblr) constantly does very little/nothing. If that was true then the point here becomes meaningless.

#i guess i must be broken according to this person because i don't seem to feel emotions the way they feel helps palestine #activists in palestine are also calling for a general strike where no one goes to work and that has yet to materialise in a meaningful way #because people keep watering it down by saying 'oh it's ok just post constantly/about nothing else than palestine on social media' #yeah awesome great- look i'm sure there are people in palestine saying get the word out about our suffering etc #but they are also calling for more meaningful symbolic gestures like strikes which as far as I know no western country has delivered #because that would take a lot of organising and much less guilt tripping and people spending all their time posting #and comfort always comes up- comfort and discomfort- what even is comfort? #is feeling ok in your own mind an insult to palestine? #are there people losing everything in wars feeling better because someone in the west feels really really bad about their pain? #like sorry to be facetious but what on earth does any of this rhetoric accomplish #i spent years thinking like this and it made me so sick and now i'm better i am DONE with it- i cannot go back to this thinking #i can only live if i bend away from this kind of thinking like a plant to light- and i want to help others but people just won't stop #please- post on social media if you like. it doesn't help anyone to view the depths of their pain and feel bad #it is better to look towards hope a ceasefire and a resolution and end to the killing of palestinians for good #that can happen!!! #i think avoiding misinformation and dehumanising rhetoric about either side is also very important #i fully believe you can only understand geopolitics and war if you see everyone as human

[spacemancharisma]

I just can’t find the center of the grief, I can’t find the source. I didn’t like who I was then, I do like who I am now, I wasn’t happy then, I am happy now, why do I want so badly to go back? why do I miss her so much? i’ve done everything right, i’ve built a life I love and am genuinely happy in, I’m doing better than I have in my entire life, why do I feel like I’m making a mistake? why do I feel like I was supposed to be her, not me? why do I feel like i’ve failed?

#like. ok it’s probably growing up in a cult like environment that constantly reaffirmed the idea that if u leave you’ll never be truly happy #or that I got fucking brain damage from ptsd and i’m never going to accomplish what I once thought I would #or that everything I am is a disappointment to my family #and even though I’m happy and I love my life #I can’t escape the feeling that everyone else would’ve loved me more as her #idk. maybe I need a therapist #vent

[criscura]

I wish I wasn't so exhausted and I could make more art.... I even planned out a whole prompt-a-day month for Saigenos/Genosai, TWICE, but the first time no one seemed like they could participate when I asked about it, and the second time I friggin lost the damned plan. I could remake it a third time, but I just....I don't know.

I've been really struggling to get along for a while, and I think if it didn't hit it off--or even if I just got really productive and it seemed like I was reaching crickets--I'd be so incredibly discouraged that it would bring me down even further. It usually takes my stuff a few months to a year to get reach, and that really doesn't do anything for me when I need the support immediately.

It's not that I don't have a billion ideas for so many different things, but my battery has been taking longer and longer to charge up and it's been running out faster and faster, and it's been like this for....a year?? Ish?? Maybe longer, I don't know.

I wish I could just stop needing so much fucking time to bounce back.....

#written from my bed as I'm almost crying from exhaustion and hopelessness #I'm PMSing and I had a really tiring day so i know this feels worse than normal #but when you've been struggling to fall asleep for months because waking up means being disappointed in yourself #for everything you failed to do the day before and everything you know you're going to fail to do again today #it's really hard not to feel like shit about yourself #trying to be constantly hopeful but never living up to your expectations #and then the few times that you do you completely crash for days #and then the only way to not crash is to have your big accomplishment be 'i went to the gym' 'i took a shower' 'i answered a message' #and just. again #to have the be the way you're living for months and months and months #it's so embarrassing to admit how little i can do and it makes me so ashamed knowing how much I've done and see what everyone else around me #is constantly doing #and then when i do share things it just kind of dies off because I've been too exhausted to maintain most relationships #which ALSO makes me feel like absolute fucking shit because i think people think i just don't care about them #when it's really that it takes me hours to get out of bed and I'm lucky if i remember to eat before 4 #and I hate so much of myself and see it as such a huge waste of time that it uses up almost all the energy i have to take care of myself #but if i don't do it I'll just hate myself even more #i know i keep on complaining about this but I'm. I'm trying to fix it #i have BEEN trying to fix it actively for so fucking long #but it's.....i think I've stopped believing anything i do has significant worth and it makes it hard to keep trying #and i know people will read this and say take something for it but when you're only interactions with medications and drugs #are one experience that scarred you so bad you didn't go to the doctors for ten years and one experience so bad #that you couldn't even explain it at first without HARDCORE disassociating #it's hard to convince yourself that anything will ever be any better and that it won't make everything intensely worse for years