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amourdivine · 3 months

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𝐖𝐇𝐎'𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐖 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅? ઉ PICK A CARD

Hello lovelies, I hope you're having a wonderful week! This is perhaps the first heavily shadow work focused PAC I bring to you. I'm quite nervous to post this, since I know delivering these messages can be difficult and I don't like taking a harsh, judgmental approach. I hope this reading resonates. As always, feedback is highly appreciated! If you liked this reading, please consider tipping me at @ [email protected]! xo ♡

paid readings are closed as of february 2024

none of the images are mine unless stated otherwise!

pick a card masterlist & information

how to choose your pile. take a few deep breaths for and look at each and of the piles separately. see which one brings you to a feeling, a place or a memory. take your time and feel free to come back to it later!

amourdivine. 2021 - 2024 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

୨୧ PILE ONE

who is your shadow self? eight of swords • knight of cups • nine of wands • queen of wands

Your shadow self is the fearful side of you attached to anxiety. The side of you that does not believe you can save yourself from bad situations and feels endlessly hopeless, helpless and trapped. It causes a self-fulfilling prophecy, one where you think you'll inevitably fail, so you self-sabotage (either consciously or not) and end up "proving" yourself right.

However, as helpless as your shadow feels, it never asks for help. It's trapped in a spiral of shame and self-doubt, even self-hatred. All of this happens mentally for most of you, to the point where your body is neglected or stuck in flight / freeze mode. I feel stuck in the gutter, unable to move in the sticky mud. Despite your best efforts to succeed, you may suffer from impostor's syndrome as well, an inability to see your worth, your beauty and your own light. It's almost as if you're scared of your own power, pile one. Very painful, very self-inflicted and something which you may have learn from childhood, maybe you got bullied a lot or were heavily criticized by the people around you. If that happened, I'm so sorry pile one. You deserved so much better. You still do.

how can you work with your shadow self? nine of cups • the sun • queen of swords • queen of wands

You know, when I was entering college, I had a counselor whose words were life changing to me. One day, he picked up a cup full of coffee and asked me: how do you get rid of the coffee, without throwing it out entirely? And I was puzzled. It wasn't possible. Him, in his neverending patience, took me to the water station and started pouring water onto it, until the coffee was cleared away and all that remained was clean, crystal liquid.

Maybe the bad things that happened still haunt you, but they can be drawn out by the good ones. Seek for the light, pile one. Seek the nurturing experiences, the days when you allow yourself to just be, seek the help, the love and stay open to the love. Stay open to the idea that yes, you are worthy, even if you do not feel like it, even if so many people have made you feel otherwise.

These wounds may not fade entirely with time, but you are more than them, always. Always. I know it's never easy to challenge what we've been taught about ourselves, but in order to unlearn all of that, you will have to learn the new things, the true things about you. If they said you were lazy - was that really true? Or were you just tired? You're not "naive", you're pure. You're not "too sensitive", you're in tune with your emotions.

The stories we tell ourselves hold power. What stories are you telling about yourself? Maybe it's time to switch to a new point of view, one where you can rewrite yourself as the person you were never allowed to be.

୨୧ PILE TWO

who is your shadow self? judgement • five of swords • ten of cups • king of wands

Your shadow self is the side of you that thrives in chaos - listen, that's not entirely a bad thing, after all, our shadow reflects something which we need to acknowledge, nurture and work with. However, when you perceive danger or feel threatened, you may turn to harsh words or hurtful actions to avenge yourself.

It can manifest in the form of extreme competitive behavior, the inability to rest, overworking, even maybe envy, jealousy and arrogance sometimes. Now, I'm not here to judge or shame you, you're safe here. I think you have and still feel the need to prove yourself to others, to prove them all wrong. Maybe other people told you that you couldn't do it - and you took it all personally, so personally that it crumbles your self-esteem when someone diminishes your efforts or accomplishments.

Your shadow side craves attention, praise and approval. You want to succeed, to be someone you're proud of, to just never feel insecure, diminished or ignored again. You can also turn possessive with loved ones, wondering if they really love you or if they are lying. There's a lot of skepticism here, too.

how can you work with your shadow self? judgement • ace of pentacles • three of pentacles • eight of swords

Acknowledge your feelings and these insecurities. "Fake it 'till you make it" doesn't always work. Being vulnerable is, ironically, also being strong. Understanding your limitations and allowing for other people to collaborate with you (and vice-versa) will take you even further in life.

Your sense of justice is commendable. Make sure you're using it for justice indeed, and not just vengeance. Your ambition can walk hand in hand with your desire to do good, to make space for everyone else to shine, to open up to others, let them see all of you. No one can love perfection - even if they could, what's there to love about something or someone so perfect that they barely feel human?

It's okay to be scared, to feel insecure, to not shove difficult emotions under the rug. We cannot be at our 100% all the time. And we cannot please everyone, all the time. What you can do is praise yourself, let others praise you when they do and accept it gracefully, making sure you're spreading your warmth and wisdom to others as well. See, I think you have overcome a lot and a lot of people could use your help, either in the form of advice, resources or a shoulder to lean on.

You have leadership potential, pile two. Don't limit yourself by being alone. We were never meant to make it on our own.

୨୧ PILE THREE

who is your shadow self? ace of wands • page of swords • three of cups • king of pentacles

Your shadow self is someone who may indulge in harmful habits out of a need for instant gratification, maybe reckless spending, speed driving, partying everyday or simply not saving up resources and caring about the future. Your shadow self is someone who hates boredom, who craves excitement and cannot fully deal with long-term commitment in its many forms. It wants novelty, adventure and it comes at the cost of your responsibilities, your routine and your friendships even.

This shadow self hates suffering (fair enough, who doesn't?!) and will to go great lengths to avoid it... but ironically, it causes you more pain in the long run by avoiding the unavoidable. By never crying, never addressing your issues or your difficult moments, you end up running right back into yourself and these same issues return.

This side of you doesn't want to grow up - you don't want to fall into the trap of routine and a boring, 9-5 job. But excessive habits are difficult to maintain, no matter how good it feels in the short term. There's a difficult, troubled perception of adulthood and life itself. A need for constant adventure and chaos, a feeling of entrapment whenever you are with anyone who loves you, because you fear being controlled, tamed and used.

how can you work with your shadow self? the tower • nine of wands • nine of cups • three of pentacles

To put it simply, let yourself hurt. Let the foundations of your heart crumble, stop to feel just for a second. You don't have to be on the run all the time. What are you running from, pile three? Disaster, pain and hurt are often inevitable, but they do not have to be the be-all, end-all of our lives. The Tower is a reminder that all that crumbles was meant to crumble eventually, and there is beauty in letting things end naturally, allowing the flow of life to do its thing.

That means aging, growing, learning from the seasons. I think you have a very, very deep heart and mind you're scared to tap into. You're scared to be trapped in the endless hustle, to never feel alive or good once you "settle". But who says the big joys are the only ones that matter? As someone said once, big joys and small joys are often the same. Sometimes, waking up in itself can be an adventure. Don't overlook or underestimate the ways life tries to find you, to cling to you - remember to embark on the hard journeys, knowing you'll have gotten something valuable in the end.

You're brave and rebellious. You can be a catalyst for change in so many ways. Who said adulthood has to be boring? Who said you have to work a 9-5? Do you have to get married? Maybe being a stay-at-home parent isn't for you. That's okay.

Challenging the status quo may not be easy, but you have a natural inclination for it. Your shadow self can dive deeper. It's one of your greatest tools. Your need for joy and fun is not shameful - you can use it for healing, instead of self-destruction.

୨୧ PILE FOUR

who is your shadow self? judgment rx • justice • the high priestess rx • knight of swords

Your shadow self is the side of you that refuses to acknowledge your needs, your wants and desires. It makes you live inside of a bubble, scared of the truth, even if it will set you free. I had the hardest time shuffling for this pile, I kept trying and trying but nothing made sense. I think this is how your shadow side manifests as well, in the lack of clarity, the fogginess that permeates the choices you've regretted.

It's both reckless and frozen, completely lost in a maze, confused, looking for a path, for directions, for anything. It's almost as if you lost your compass, nothing eventually guides you and you remain looking for the directions only you have.

It's too scared to admit what it wants, who you are. Both out of fear of what other people will say, but also out of fear that it'll all go wrong. It's the side of you that remains disconnected from yourself, hidden because it keeps highlighting the aspects you keep trying to ignore, to not know. It can manifest in a lot of ways, either through people-pleasing or being completely reckless. Through lying, denial or even isolation from the world, from life itself.

Something funny is that a song by Bad Suns that just started playing really relates to this pile. "Cinderella slips into a dream like a curse / you could mistake it for heaven at first." This shadow self may live in projection, daydreaming or simply keep you out of touch with everything.

how can you work with your shadow self? six of pentacles • page of wands • two of wands • king of cups

Engagement and socializing are big ways you can work with your shadow self. Being actively curious about the world, about people. Approaching relationships, truths and life itself with genuine interest, no judgement or shaming thoughts involved.

Telling yourself you're an eternal student of this world, because we are and remembering you don't have to know everything. Start scared. Most things, you'll have to do it scared. Unprepared. In the thick of it all, you'll find the answers you need, but only if you are willing to dive deep for them. No taking shortcuts, making assumptions or allowing self-doubt to paralyze your living, because you need to witness life as it is.

Therapy is one big thing, music as well. Anything that connects you to your deepest self, relationships that genuinely make room for who you are, good friends that feel safe and non-judgemental. Your heart has been calling you for so long, pile four. It's about time you listen to it. It knows everything you need to know.

disclaimer. tarot not a substitute for medical and professional advice, nor is it meant to be taken as such. i do not take responsibility for any choice(s) made by you or others regarding my readings. please remember you are responsible for life and in power of it, no one else! ♡

amourdivine. 2021 - 2024 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

#pick a card #tarotblr #tarot reading #pick a card reading #tarot #pac reading #astrology #witchblr #tarot witch #pagan #mine.

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saerins · 1 year

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─── 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

+ sae x f!reader | wc 3.2k | content: angst, insecurities, death

notes: i’m sorry idk how this came about but i was in a mood :’) i promise i love him okay <3 feedback & reblogs appreciated !!

summary: he’s back home, and you recall the times you’d spoken to him. all the calls you made, then all the calls he made, and then all the times it went to voicemail.

you remember every conversation you’ve had with your boyfriend. the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. it’s hard to quantify into numbers since you’d been together for the last five years.

but there’s a few of them that are prominent, that are burned into your mind, engraved onto your brain. the sound of his laugh, for one, that’s always been precious to you, if only for the fact that he doesn’t laugh often.

sae always said you were the only one who could get that out of him, and you’ve kept it close to your heart since.

to the world, he may have seemed rude and off-putting at times, and despite the countless false reports of sae being an asshole to all his girlfriends in private (because the media can never decide who he’s actually with), he’s always been the same itoshi sae to you—the kind of guy who only ever bothers what you think about him because the other people not involved in your relationship don’t matter.

you remember everything he’s ever done for you.

“you know that one day you’ll be mrs. itoshi, right?”

yeah, you definitely remember.

MARCH 2020; [ sae’s fifth day in spain ]

“you miss me, itoshi sae?”

you can feel him rolling his eyes from the other end. “i should just hang up right now.”

“you could, but then you’d miss me even more.”

sae suppresses a grin, even if there’s no one around to see it. you’re right, but he doesn’t say anything.

it was rare for sae to call you at all. but then again, it is the first time you two had been apart since you got together. maybe it isn’t so weird after all.

“how’d practice go today?”

“it’s fine, nothing i couldn’t handle.” of course he’s fine, he’s the youngest on the team and yet it was as though he’d played the longest.

“of course it was fine, mr genius,” you tease, and he smiles because he knows you’re smiling too.

you can’t really remember how the rest of the conversation went. but you only remember this moment because it was the first time you realised that amidst all the times you’d pester him to go on a date with you, amidst all the times you asked him for a kiss, sae could miss you too.

SEPTEMBER 2020; [ sae comes back to japan soon ]

“hey so i was thinking, i’ll meet you at the airport?”

sae hums, “wanna see me that bad, huh?”

“shut up,” you snap at him, hating his quick tongue that so easily gets you flustered. “so i miss my handsome, successful boyfriend, big deal.”

he missed you too.

“am i just arm candy for you, y/n?”

“what? no—”

“too late. i’m offended. bye.”

then he actually hangs up on you.

it takes you half a second to pull up your message thread with him.

itoshi sae, you wanna die or something?

it takes him the same amount of time to respond to you.

y/n l/n, okay, then maybe i’d get some relief from you.

before you can even be actually offended, your phone vibrates again.

miss you too, stupid. see you tomorrow.

you can’t seem to rub the smile off your face.

FEBRUARY 2021; [ first valentines’ apart ]

it takes him three rings to pick up.

“happy valentines’, lover,” you giggle over the phone.

it’s been a few months since your about-to-go-pro soccer player boyfriend had gone back to spain, doing pro soccer player things. you miss him, especially since it’s the first time you guys are spending the romantic occasion apart.

it sucks that you couldn’t even spend new years with him. it’s okay though, you managed to video call him while you spent time with his family.

“think you got the wrong number.”

“itoshi—”

“open the door, smarty pants.”

“w-wait, what? did you send me something?”

you hurry over to your front door, not knowing what to expect. but you definitely didn’t expect sae to be there, in the flesh, sighing when you finally open your door, a pretty bouquet of flowers in his hand.

“what are you doing here?” you’re still shocked from his mere presence.

sae smirks, and you realise just how much you miss him. “think i got the wrong apartment, i was supposed to deliver these to my other girl—”

but you kiss him to shut him up. he’s full of nonsense, and so, so witty, and he’s here.

sae’s always claimed that it was not soccer stealing him from you, it was more the other way around. and he had been joking at the time he said that, but right now he thinks maybe there’s some truth to it.

if there’s anyone capable of having and getting him to willingly relinquish his attention from soccer, it’s you.

JUNE 2021; [ night of sae’s first PR event ]

“someone looks handsome,” you comment as you watch your boyfriend getting ready over the phone.

he has an entire entourage of people over at his hotel—they must be the makeup crew and stylists. his entire team is getting vip treatment for being champions of the league thanks to last week’s game. now, even more brands are trying to sponsor them and you really shouldn’t be surprised over the amount of girls going crazy over your boyfriend.

“and someone should really sleep,” sae pauses for a moment when the man beside him (presumably his stylist, because he’s double checking sae’s suit) asks a quick that your girlfriend?, to which sae says “yes.”

the man winks at you through the video. “lucky girl,” he comments, eyes back on the fabric he’s touching, “the only time i caught him smiling was while he was texting ya.”

you snicker through the phone as you watch sae’s face go beet red before frowning at you.

“he did not.”

his stylist is laughing at his reaction too. “totally did. i thought he was possessed.”

sae grabs the phone and relegates himself to the bathroom, glaring at you through the screen. he’s not mad at you, he’s just embarrassed and you know that. you’ve known him long enough now to tell his cues.

“i hope you know i hate you.”

he’s always all bark and no bite and you’re still laughing at him.

“aw, i hate you too, mr itoshi.”

“stop with the smart mouth before i find another contender for a mrs itoshi.”

you and sae had been staring at each other through the screen up until that point, when sae realised what he just said and has to look away.

“you… think i could be?”

neither you nor sae have ever broached another about the future, and sae has always been generally avoidant about it, which is why it makes you even more surprised that he’s the one who slipped up about it.

after a moment of silence, he sighs, trying to suppress a smile. it tugs at the edges of his lips, not really there but you can feel it.

“you know that one day you’ll be mrs itoshi, right?”

you don’t know that, he doesn’t know that, not until the day has come. but yeah, you really, really want to be.

OCTOBER 2022; [ sae’s birthday ]

“happy birthday, mr. itoshi,” you greet when he picks up the phone.

things had been rocky lately, admittedly. only because you and sae lived worlds apart.

sae is famous now, in both japan and europe, and it’s no surprise because he’s one of the best midfielders anyone has ever seen. his life is now full of the glitz and glam that you’re not even close to familiar with.

and you; you’re just a simple girl living in tokyo, with a normal life and normal friends and normal everything. except for the fact that sometimes people stalk you online because based on theories, you’re his girlfriend.

he was advised against confirming your identity with the press. for a myriad of reasons, apparently. and you’re fine with it, because yeah, you’re aware there are games to be played when you have his status. and it was fine with you, except for times when it’s not.

like how at his previous PR event he had to appear like he was dating some other celebrity. which was fine, but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t suck having to see your boyfriend appear intimate with someone else. even worse when you hear said someone else mention in multiple interviews that she’s always had a huge crush on him.

“thanks, though it kinda sucks today.”

but it’s fine; you’ve been with him long enough to know that sae isn’t the type to hurt you like that. so even if it’s rocky, it doesn’t stop you from loving him.

“why? i thought the guys were bringing you out drinking tonight.”

sae sighs. “that’s exactly why.”

you smile, thinking how sae is still the same sae you’ve always known. “you’ve been playing with them for more than a year now, i think one night out wouldn’t kill you, babe.”

“but they’re freaks.” and sae says that because they’re rowdy, noisy guys and he doesn’t even want to imagine them drunk.

“we both know they’re going to bother you to no end if you don’t go,” you point out, and sae relents. “and if you need an escape when you’re too tired, you could just use my name.”

you break into a grin because you know for a fact that sae uses you as an excuse to his publicist sometimes to not attend events.

“yeah, maybe i’ll tell ‘em the missus is angry,” he jokes, and you find yourself wishing you could hug him right now.

“have fun tonight, okay?” a little hesitance comes to you before you ultimately open your mouth, “i love you.”

sae chuckles, and he can’t even describe the relief that comes to him each time he hears you say those words.

“i love you too.”

DECEMBER 2022; [ the day you break ]

you don’t pick up his call.

when you saw the picture earlier, it’s like you’ve gone numb. and now everyone in the world will see the picture too. but you don’t really care. the images the paparazzi capture will die down after a while. the rumours will take longer.

right now you’re not even sure if your relationship is dead.

but you love him. you still do. and he’s still calling for what seems like the ninetieth time tonight.

this time you pick up.

“what?”

sae flinches on the other line because he’s not used to this coldness. “can i at least explain?”

you sniffle, gritting your teeth to stop your crying. “sure, why don’t you explain why i had to find out from the fucking news that you kissed someone else on your birthday?”

it’s that girl. the same celebrity you’ve seen ogling him and gushing over him and the one who has PR relations with him.

“i promise, she means nothing,” and you can hear the panic in sae’s voice. he sounds apologetic and manic and scared. “look, i-i was drunk, and she kissed me, and i pushed her off right after—”

“then why didn’t you tell me?” you yell back. because you’re sure that’s what happened. you believe him. but it wasn’t the fact that some other girl was so desperate for him that she’d do that, it was the fact that sae kept it from you.

sae can’t answer. he knows it, but he’s struggling to find the words. “i-i didn’t want you to misunderstand,” is all he can manage.

you pause for a while because you’re crying again, and sae can sense it even if you’re silent. he loves you and he’s killing himself for his stupid decisions.

“sae,” you call him, softly. “is that how much you know me?” because after all this time, you’d think he’d know better. you trusted him. a hundred percent. now? you’re not sure.

“please, y/n, i’m sorry, please just- forgive me?” and sae’s not sure how to do this. sae’s never had anyone he cared about this much other than you. you’re the only one and you forever will be. and he’s stupid and clueless outside of soccer but he’s always had you to hold his hand through this, yet now you feel further away from him than ever.

you’re quiet and he’s not sure what to expect. you’re just sniffling on the other side, not saying anything, and for the first time in his life, sae is afraid.

“babe, i—”

“don’t say it, sae,” you sigh, because you don’t want to think that he’s saying it just to appease you.

sae obeys, because he’s scared that just a little nudge would push you right off the edge. “i’m gonna fix this, okay? i’ll tell everyone that—”

“it’s fine,” you interject, your mind in shambles. you’re tired, and you really don’t know what to do about this when it’s so fresh in your heart. “i need to think things through anyway.”

“no- y/n, please, i—”

and for the first time ever, you’re the one who hangs up abruptly. then you turn off your phone because you know sae’s not going to stop but you really just don’t want to to feel bad about not picking up.

you still love him, but you’re just heartbroken right now.

sae stares at his phone after you hang up. he can hear his heart beating out of his chest and his breathing gets shallow. he tries to call you again but it’s not even ringing.

there’s only one thing he knows: he fucked up.

a stupid, stupid mistake which was grave enough to make you doubt everything and you’re right. this was on him for not opening his stupid mouth and just trusting that you’d understand.

for the first time ever, he heard what you sounded like when you’re hurt and he can’t forgive himself. not if he doesn’t do anything about it.

he gives up on trying to call you and pulls up his club’s coach’s contact instead. “sub someone else in for me tomorrow, i won’t be there.”

“what? what are you talking about? we can’t play without our star midfielder! it’s a big match against our home rivals—”

but everything he’s lecturing sae about falls on deaf ears because sae’s already packing his duffel bag and searching for his passport. he doesn’t even bother acknowledging anything before he hangs up, dialing his assistant’s number instead.

“i need to fly back to tokyo. immediately.”

his assistant’s distraught voice is apparent. “wha- um, you have a game tomorrow—”

“i don’t care. i need to fly now. get me a flight or you’re fired.”

“uh, but- um, the private jet’s not available—”

“then get me tickets on a commercial flight. i don’t fucking care about what kind of plane it is.”

yeah, because he only cares about fixing things with you. no one and nothing else, just you.

his assistant sighs because he knows he’s going to get in trouble for aiding sae. “fine, i’ll send you the details soon.”

JANUARY 2023; [ the present ]

it goes straight to voicemail. you still talk.

“you know, i hate you so much for not having a voicemail recording.”

you pause, the tears streaming down your face. you’re staring at your phone, at his instagram, at his last post. something he posted before his flight.

a picture of the both of you in private, in your room. he’s sitting behind you on the bed, his arms around your neck as he kisses your head and you take the picture.

it’s funny because he was forbidden from sharing any sort of those pictures yet he still did it anyway. you stare at the caption.

i love only you

“itoshi sae, how am i going to hear your voice now, huh?”

you’re already full-on crying now, as you have been for the last month.

“itoshi sae! talk to me, answer me!” you’re screaming but no one will ever hear you.

how can sae hear you? you’re unreasonable for expecting that.

“tell me how to reach you,” you wail into the receiver.

you’re painfully aware of what you’re getting now.

“i love you, mr. itoshi.”

there’s no one on the other line who’ll chuckle now. you can’t hear the same fondness in his voice when he says he loves you too. you can’t ever hear him joking with you again.

no more sighs, no more video calls, no more love. no more you know one day you’ll be mrs. itoshi, right?

you hang up and look at the note in your hand; something sae’s assistant passed to you on the day of his funeral.

a few weeks ago, sae asked me to get this for him. i know he wanted you to have this. before he left for tokyo, he told me to get this done for you at all costs. it was only ready a day after he left. i thought you might still like to have this. i’m sorry you have to go through this.

the gold velvet box sits heavy in your hand. it’s all of sae’s commitment to you, feelings for you—it’s all of his resolution in one tiny package and it’s heavy.

you open it, same as the countless times before.

it’s still beautiful. it’s shiny and four carats and princess cut because you were always his princess. inside the band, he has mrs itoshi engraved.

you know one day you’ll be mrs. itoshi, right?

you bring up his messages and play the last audio he sent to you.

“look, i know i fucked up and it was stupid of me to keep it from you. i’m sorry, okay? and i know you don’t want to speak to me right now but i can’t just sit around and do nothing. i love you, so i’m coming back home, and we’ll talk, and then… i promise you, nothing like this will happen again.”

you remember your last words to him and can’t help but to hate yourself. you should’ve told him one last time before you lost your chance.

if you’d just stayed on the line, he wouldn’t have come back. if he didn’t come back, he wouldn’t have gotten into that cab. if he didn’t get into that cab, he wouldn’t have been in that fatal accident in shibuya.

staring at the ring, calling his number, getting no response, visiting his plot and running into rin. and repeat. that’s all life is now.

sometimes you wear the ring to pretend he’s still here. to pretend he’s already proposed and you’re waiting for him to come back from spain.

you’re probably at voicemail #314 now.

mrs itoshi stares at you until you’re crying all over again.

you’ll never hear his voice again. never hear his laugh. never get to hug him, or pick fights with him. you’ll never get to feel his broad shoulders or his strong arms around your body. you won’t get to go home ever again.

you’ll never be mrs itoshi now.

#bllk x reader #itoshi sae x reader #sae x reader #sae itoshi x reader #blue lock x reader #sae x you #sae x y/n #itoshi sae x you #itoshi sae x y/n #blue lock x you #blue lock x y/n #bllk x you #bllk x y/n #itoshi sae angst #blue lock angst #bllk angst #૪ aeri’s fics !

2K notes · View notes

ralkana · 3 months

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Fluffbruary Day 1

February 1: downy | clinic | nuance

Rated G

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In the Dreaming, in a chamber vast and austere, there is a bed fit for a monarch. Grand and dark, tall and canopied, the linens sleek and rich, finer than any cloth Hob has ever known. He has seen his love reclined on it like the king he is, wreathed in shadows, his skin pale and glowing like the purest moonlight, eyes shining with the birth of galaxies. Sharp hunger on his face as he reaches for Hob, demands the worship Hob so freely gives.

It's a good look. One of Hob's favorites.

It pales in comparison to the vision that greets him now.

His bed is small. Really too small for two, but any bigger wouldn't fit in his cozy little flat. The sheets are flannel, so faded that the pattern on them is indistinguishable, but they are warm. His pillows are mismatched: one stripey, one a cheery yellow.

In the middle of his bed, there is a lump of blankets, its occupant curled tightly and hidden from view. The only sign of life is a riot of dark hair, ink spilled over the sunshine of Hob's ancient pillowcase.

The lump shifts, and Hob grins from the doorway where he stands, watching.

"Hob," the heap of blankets says. "Come, beloved."

The words are muffled by the thick down of Hob's duvet and the softness of Hob's pillow, but it is unmistakably an order.

"You just want me for my body heat," Hob says, but he starts forward, toeing off his slippers.

There's a sound from the bed that is not exactly a denial, and Hob laughs even as he pulls his jumper over his head and tosses it toward the foot of the bed.

He climbs into bed, scooting under the blankets and grinning at the unhappy hiss Dream makes as a rush of cooler air sneaks in with Hob.

"Royal bedwarmer reporting for duty, my king," Hob says, gathering Dream into his arms, and it ends on a yelp as Dream's cool nose finds Hob's neck.

Dream smiles against Hob's skin and he presses a kiss to Dream's unruly locks and begins to plot his revenge.

"That strategy will not succeed," Dream says after a moment, and Hob sighs.

"That's cheating," he complains, resolving to think about it later. Right now, he has a king to warm up, and a proven strategy for that.

END

-----

This is the first thing I've written since Dec 2021. I did not realize it had been so long!

Thanks to @fluffbruary for giving me the inspiration to try again and to @ladytian and @lunaris1013 for being so enthusiastic about Dreamling that I couldn't help but jump in!

#fluffbruary #dreamling #centennial husbands #hob gadling #dream of the endless #my immortal sunshine boy #my sad wet king of cats #the sandman #tumblr fic #my fic #fic challenges

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sgiandubh · 3 months

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Friends and friends of friends a network make

Boys are back in town, no rings (Real Life, not Instabuzz) and active networking:

In this case, those who are missing from the pic are as (if not more) important as those who made it, riding in the rain.

Let's unpack:

John Laurie, Managing Director at the Glenturret distillery, where my personal favorite blend (oh, well, The Famous Grouse - I know, really LOL, but it is what it is) is made. A long, interesting career that started in 2000, as General Manager of a fitness club network headquartered in Irvine, California (LA Fitness) and got him more and more involved in whisky business since 2014, as General Manager of Edrington, the Macallan distillery. If it sounds familiar to you, well... always remember that #silly old slogan on the Pall Mall cigarette packs: 'wherever particular people congregate'. I know I do 😎.

Something immediately piqued my interest in this short bio: 'opened a fine dining restaurant that achieved a Michelin star inside 7 months'. And it is, of course, true: part of the reasons I am always using LinkedIn to place people, is that it would be counterproductive to blatantly lie, there. Or childish: even McSideburns knows that, with his very empty page and 1 contact - but what the hell do I know, though, he's more private than if he worked for the MI-6.

The one starred Michelin restaurant who got 'le macaron' in seven months is The Glenturret Lalique Restaurant, that opened in July 2021, on the distillery's premises and got it by February 2022. The first time a distillery wins a Michelin star, by the way:

Now, where did I read a similar business story, not so long ago and wrote about it? Oh, that's right, Tom Kitchin's first restaurant in EDI apparently followed the same yellow brick road to instant success, back in 2007:

Again, I am sensing a theme, here. Associating with young, dynamic and daring entrepreneurial voices in the whisky business. Not exactly the manwhore, closeted gay, peasant and crook some hypocrites would like to portray. I have to say, I am always, always over the moon glad to see the real thing showing up from time to time: a consistent effort to get things done, properly.

But sure, you believe what you want. I cannot force anyone to go beyond a sometimes very limited world view.

Second person being missed is David Coulthard, F1 legend, but also...

Company Director at Whisper Films, one of the most dynamic, fastest growing UK media groups. He founded it in 2010, along Jake Humphries, BBC F1 commenter extraordinaire and Sunil Patel, a former BBC producer, but also a Board Member of the Edinburgh TV Festival:

And for those who might not know it (I didn't), Coulthard hails from Dumfries & Galloway. Mmmhm. Well done, S. Well done.

S knows exactly what he's doing, where he's going and when and with whom he is seen. By this point in time, I think we might safely think his somewhat lackadaisical recent Insta follows (Romanian female MMA athlete? ROFLMAO, really and I howled) as gently trolling this very obsessed invested fandom. As I wrote it many, many times already, the Scottish Mafia is a reality - and good for him, really, to use what is readily available. And if you still had any doubt that was a business informal meeting, The Highland Chieftain tagged SS in his story.

He's going to laugh all the way to the bank, this one. You'll see. Great news and I will always be here to put it in context. Some of the things being heavily peddled around in here might not be very interesting to me - but this yes: this is exciting.

Also, many, many thanks to the two of you who immediately keep me up with these: you know who you are and you are loved, of course, why even ask?😘🙌

#fandom #shitshow #boozewars #business

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thefirstknife · 6 months

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New article with more details (from Jason Schreier who first broke the story). If you can't see it, I'll copy the whole text under read more.

About 100 employees were laid off in total (8%) and one of the main reasons listed is "underperformance," "sharp drop in popularity" and "poor reception of Lightfall."

So you know when for the last year and a half content creators have been shitting and pissing on the game as a full-time job and the amount of negativity and ragebait content became the only thing to make content about for them? Well they certainly won't take the blame, but I will let it be known. These people either don't understand the influence they have or they do and they're doing it on purpose, and I don't know which of these two options is worse, but I am 100% confident that their campaign of rage and hate contributed to this.

You don't base your entire community around constantly hating everything about the only game you play (despite clearly not enjoying it anymore) and somehow avoid galvanising thousands and thousands of people into perceiving the game negatively. Imagine being employees who have barely worked there for 2 years and the only community reception they've seen is 24/7 hate train for their work and then they get fired because of "poor reception" and "drop in popularity." How can they not take that personally? I am absolutely devastated for these people who delievered a banger product and who were met with an unrelenting barrage of toxic gamer children which ended up having more sway over their boss than them.

Which brings me to the next bit and that's FUCK THE CEO. He is now my mortal enemy #1. I am projecting psychic blasts directly into his brain. What an absolute spineless coward who is more willing to bow down to fucking gamers than to protect his own employees. This is absolutely rage inducing because this has happened before. From the article from 2021 about the toxic culture at Bungie:

Reading this shit from the new article absolutely fucking sent me into blind rage because I immediately remembered this. Another instance of employees suffering because of comments on reddit. And because of toxic players. And proof that leadership is not protecting employees and is instead siding with players.

Match made in heaven. Asshole gamer content creators and asshole CEOs, all of whom sit at home on piles of money made from someone else's labour. I hope they all explode. None of the people that worked on this game deserve this.

Another article with an infuriating comment from the CEO:

In an internal town hall meeting addressing a Monday round of layoffs that impacted multiple departments, Bungie CEO Pete Parsons allegedly told remaining employees that the company had kept “the right people” to continue work on Destiny 2.

"Kept the right people." Really. Veteran composers weren't the right people? Die!

Bloomberg article in full:

Bungie’s decision to cut an estimated 100 jobs from its staff of about 1,200 followed dire management warnings earlier this month of a sharp drop in the popularity of its flagship video game Destiny 2. Just two weeks ago, executives at the Sony-owned game developer told employees that revenue was running 45% below projections for the year, according to people who attended the meeting. Chief Executive Officer Pete Parsons pinned the big miss on weak player retention for Destiny 2, which has faced a poor reception since the release of its latest expansion, Lightfall. The next expansion, The Final Shape, was getting good — not great feedback — and management told those present that they planned to push back the release to June 2024 from February, according the people, who asked not to be identified because they weren’t authorized to speak publicly. The additional time would give developers a chance to improve the product. In the meantime, Parsons told staff Bungie would be cutting costs, such as for travel, as well as implementing salary and hiring freezes, the people said. Everyone would have to work together to weather the storm, he said, leaving employees feeling determined to do whatever was needed to get revenue back up. But on Monday morning the news got worse: Dozens of staffers woke up to mysterious 15-minute meetings that had been placed on their calendars, which they soon learned were part of a mass layoff. Bungie laid off around 8% of its employees, according to documentation reviewed by Bloomberg. Bungie didn’t respond to requests for comment. Employees who were let go will receive at least three months of severance and three months of Bungie-paid COBRA health insurance, although other benefits, such as expense reimbursements, ended Monday, sending some staff racing to submit their receipts. Laid-off staffers will also receive prorated bonuses, although those who were on a vesting schedule following Sony Group Corp.’s acquisition of Bungie in January 2022 will lose any shares that weren’t vested as of next month. The layoffs are part of a larger money-saving initiative at Sony’s PlayStation unit, which has also cut employees at studios such as Naughty Dog, Media Molecule and its San Mateo office. TD Cowen analyst Doug Creutz wrote in a report Monday that “events over the last few days lead us to believe that PlayStation is undergoing a restructuring.” PlayStation president Jim Ryan announced last month that he plans to resign. Many of the layoffs at Bungie affected the company’s support departments, such as community management and publishing. Remaining Bungie staff were informed that some of those areas will be outsourced moving forward.

#destiny 2 #bungie #long post #and like i don't care what's anyone's opinion on lightfall. it doesn't matter #the expansion is fine. there's some bad shit in there as there is in every expansion #literally nothing on this earth was so bad to deserve the amount of vitriol that lightfall got #it was purely motivated by hate and rage from people who have clearly lost their interest in the game a long time ago #no one else normal enough would respond even to a weaker expansion this way. and lightfall wasn't even weaker #literally nothing ever released in destiny deserves to have comments bad enough to end up affecting employees #there's been some bad expansions/dlcs/seasons. whatever. none of them were like... gollum level. not even close #people genuinely treated lightfall like it personally killed their dog. it was insane. the reaction to it was insane.#it stemmed from people who should have stopped playing a long time ago and stopped being content creators for one game #i can't even properly explain just how long and tireless the ragebait content campaign for destiny has been #opening youtube and seeing 10 videos in a row of just complaining and bitching #opening twitter and seeing thousands upon thousands of posts and comments dedicated solely to hating the game #imagine being an employee trying to maintain some communication with the community #hippy was relentlessly bullied by people I've seen suddenly lamenting that she was fired. you caused this #they will never accept even a miniscule portion of the blame for this ofc. they will just keep claiming they don't have that influence #but they do. it's been proven years ago. in the same way #community comments DO reach devs and community comments DO influence what happens to them and the game #'the event is bad' 'meta is bad' 'pvp is bad' 'raid is bad' 'story is bad' stop playing. no longer asking.#it's a video game. if you hate it stop playing. you don't have to justify it to hundreds of thousands of people and take them with you #especially when it leads to employees taking the fall #so to all content creators who are appalled and baffled after spending 2 years hating the game: you did this.#and to the ceo even more: explode into dust and be forgotten

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lilacmingi · 7 months

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LIVING WITH 8 VAMPIRES

My works are 14+ ONLY. If you’re under 14 DO NOT interact with me or any of my works

Pairing: ATEEZ x fem reader (they’re not dating, but they all flirt with her)

Word count: 7,445

Note: This is my most popular series on Wattpad and I’m bringing it to Tumblr! This first part was published on Wattpad in February 2021. I don’t even know how to explain this series. It started out with silly little scenarios and turned into an ongoing series of crack humor (sometimes mildly suggestive), fluff, a little romance/soft moments, and vampire tomfoolery. If you haven’t read it yet OH BOY you’re in for a ride. I truly hope it makes you chuckle :)

You stepped into the large mansion, the front door creaking as you kicked it shut with your foot, both arms weighed down with bags of groceries.

"Y/n's home!" Wooyoung shrieked, running towards you at an insanely brisk speed.

"I don't think so." You stepped aside before he could tackle you, completely dodging him.

"Hey! How'd you do that?"

"You're becoming predicable, Woo." You stated as you walked into the kitchen, completely unbothered.

You set the weighty bags onto the kitchen counter and began unpacking everything, placing your items in their rightful places.

"Hey, where were you?" Yunho asked, walking into the kitchen.

"I went out for groceries." You answered.

"You didn't tell us." He pouted.

"You wouldn't have let me leave if I did. You're all too clingy."

"You're our little human though." He stated as he hugged you, his face buried in the crook of your neck.

"Stop that." You waved him off. "I don't belong to any of you."

"I beg to differ." An airy voice came from behind you.

You turned around seeing San perched up on the countertop, a sly grin on his face.

"I'm really not in the mood for your antics." You stated bluntly and exited the kitchen.

You headed up the large cherry wood steps that seemed to stretch for miles. The only thing on your mind was going to your room for a nice and quiet bath. You made it to the top and headed to your bedroom, just as you reached your door, Mingi dropped down in front of you, hanging upside down like the bat he is.

"Boo!" He shouted, laughing loudly.

His laughter quickly died down when he saw the unamused look on you face. You glanced up at him floating upside down in front of you.

"That's not scary anymore." You stated.

He let out a huff, sticking his bottom lip out.

"Sorry." You pouted, pinching his cheek as you stepped into your room.

•

"But she smells so good." San whined.

"I'm sitting right here." You announced, annoyed.

"Yeah and you smell incredible." San winked.

"Excuse me! We agreed we would not do that." Seonghwa spoke up.

You let out a sigh of relief, thankful that someone around here had some sense.

"Thank y-"

"Besides, if we do that, I am the eldest so I should go first."

Your mouth dropped open. "Are you kidding me right now?"

"I am not."

"None of you are biting me." You pointed to all of them.

"You don't have to worry about me, Y/n." Hongjoong smiled warmly.

"Thank you."

"Please." Jongho scoffed. "I'm the youngest and I have the best control out of all you."

"Well, I have the second best control." Hongjoong announced cockily.

"Everyone knows the eldest has the most control." Seonghwa pushed his hair back.

"That's bull crap." Jongho butted in.

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"You wouldn't know. You don't keep up with the current phrases used in today's time."

"I do not need to."

"Apparently you do because you never know what anyone is talking about." Jongho shot back.

The air went quiet for a moment.

"He's right." Mingi muttered.

"Yeah he is." Mumbled Wooyoung.

Everyone else nodded, muttering in agreement under their breaths.

•

Seonghwa rushed inside, slamming the door behind him, a drawn out sigh leaving his lips as he closed his umbrella. His heavy footsteps thudded across the floor, making it quite obvious that he was upset.

"I cannot believe the audacity..." He grumbled.

"What is it?" San rolled his eyes, knowing that if no one asked why Seonghwa was in a sour mood, he would continue to sigh and groan until someone said something. It's happened way too many times.

"Yeah, if you're gonna stomp around like that, you might as well just tell us." Jongho said.

"There was an adolescent standing on the sidewalk and he blew a cloud of vapors at me, to which I gave him a swift tongue lashing for, and he said I 'harshed his vibe.'"

You stifled a laugh.

"What does that mean?" Seonghwa asked aloud.

"Harshing someone's vibe means you're a party pooper." Yeosang muttered.

"I did not defecate on his celebration."

"No, Seonghwa it means he was having a good time and you ruined it." You spoke up, trying to clarify.

He let out an offended gasp.

"It's not that big of a deal. People say it all the time." Jongho shrugged. "It's not something to get bent out of shape about."

"I am perfectly upright, Jongho."

"That's not—" Jongho let out a long sigh. "Forget it."

•

You and the rest of the guys sat around the living room, each of you doing your own thing. You lifted your feet up, resting them on the coffee table as you looked around at everyone who suddenly appeared uneasy. Before you could ask what was wrong, a voice rang out.

"Get your feet off! That is mahogany from the 1800s." Seonghwa ran over, shooing your feet off the furniture.

"Who cares? It's old." You grumbled.

"It is in perfect condition. I do not need you scuffing it up." He huffed, pulling a handkerchief from his suit pocket, buffing the tabletop.

Out of the corner of your eye, just over Seonghwa's shoulder, Wooyoung was about to set a glass onto a side table beside his chair. Just before the bottom of the glass could make contact with the table, Seonghwa, in a split second and without looking back, flung a coaster over, the glass landing right on it.

"How many times to I have to tell you to use a coaster for your refreshments?"

"How did you-" Wooyoung started.

"I sensed it." Whispered Seonghwa.

•

"So, what kind of music do you guys listen to? I don't ever see you guys listening to any radios or anything."

"I am very fond of classical music." Seonghwa spoke up.

"Of course you are." You muttered.

"I kinda like 90s music." Hongjoong spoke up.

"I haven't listened to much music." San admitted.

"How about I show you guys some new stuff?" You suggested.

"I'm down." Jongho shrugged.

"Great!" You pulled out your phone, scrolling through YouTube, trying to figure out what they might like. "This one."

You tapped on a popular hip hop song, turning the volume up on your phone. As the song played, you watched as some of the boys began to bob their heads to the beat.

"I rather enjoy the rhythm of this music." Seonghwa commented.

"It slaps." Jongho spoke up.

"Pardon? The music did not slap us."

"No, slap is when the beat hits hard."

"That music did not touch me."

"No, idiot. You say something slaps when it's catchy." Jongho explained.

"These are sounds. We cannot catch them."

"You really need to learn some of the terms people use these days." Yeosang sighed.

•

You huffed as you trudged up the steps of the mansion, heading to Seonghwa's room. You found one of his rings sitting on one of the tables in the living room so you decided to put it in his bedroom. You pushed the door open and stepped inside, Seonghwa's coffin being the first thing you saw. You looked away, shivering a bit. The sight was always a little unnerving to you. He's the only one who still slept in a coffin. All the other guys slept in beds, but Seonghwa was old-fashioned, so you expected that from him.

You managed to bring your attention back to the task at hand and placed the ring inside his jewelry box. Just as you were about to leave, you spotted his closet door slightly ajar and hurried over to close it, but you stopped when something inside caught your eye. Slowly, you pulled the door open, a black cape hanging amongst the ruffled shirts and embellished suit jackets.

"No way." You whispered, reaching out to pull the garment off the hanger.

Sure enough, it was a black cape with maroon lining on the inside, a high collar at the top. An idea popped into your head as a mischievous grin spread across your lips.

You descended the stairs in the most elegant way possible, flipping the collar of the cape up.

"Look at me. I'm Seonghwa!" You announced, striding into the living room.

Jongho stifled a laugh as you sauntered around the room.

"Do not put your tainted feet on my mahogany table! I purchased that in a quaint town in Italy in 1876!" You mocked him, spouting off random dates and locations. "Doth thee not comprehend?"

Wooyoung busted out into a fit of high-pitched laugher, clapping his hands at your imitation of his friend.

"Wait wait wait." Hongjoong spoke up through laughter. "Do— do one of him when he hears a phrase he doesn't understand."

You quickly wiped the grin off your face and got serious.

"Pardon? Lit? If you are referring to the lighting in the room, then yes. It is lit very well."

"HA!" Yunho fell back, clutching his stomach.

Mingi collapsed on top of him, laughing loudly.

"Excuse me. Am I interrupting something?"

You froze upon hearing Seonghwa's voice. You slowly turned your head, almost afraid to face him.

"S-Seonghwa." You laughed nervously. "What are you doing here?"

"Last I recalled, I live here."

"Yeah. You do."

"Were you mocking me?"

"What? Psh. No." You waved your hand dismissively. "Not at all."

"She was just having fun, Seonghwa." Yeosang reasoned gently.

"I haven't laughed that hard in decades." San fell back on the couch, huffing.

Seonghwa looked at you, his eyes lingering on the cape you were sporting.

"Very well, then. I will excuse it, but only because you look rather adorable in my cape." He muttered the last part before hurrying off.

You stood there, knowing exactly what he said but not being able to process it.

"What?"

•

"Okay. First of all, you can shorten your words. For example, you say cannot but you can say can't."

"I am aware." Seonghwa muttered.

"See? You could have said I'm aware."

"I know."

"Then say it."

"No."

"Seonghwa, c'mon. You need to at least try it out. That way you don't stand out as much when you go out and converse with people."

"I do not wish to fit in. I am content speaking the way I do."

"Will you at least speak normally so I can hear what you would sound like?" You asked.

Seonghwa looked at you, his thick and sharp brows furrowed, wondering why on earth you would want to hear him speak so casually.

"Just this once?" You begged.

"I supposed it would not kill me." He gave in.

"Seonghwa is gonna say something normal?" Mingi shrieked, suddenly making an appearance.

"Really?" Wooyoung and San asked in unison, both of them sticking their heads into the room.

Within mere seconds all eight of the boys were gathered in the living room, their curiosities piqued after overhearing your conversation.

"I suppose this is entertaining to you all?" Seonghwa quirked a brow, looking around.

Everyone nodded their heads.

Seonghwa turned his gaze back to you with a sigh. "What would you like me to say?"

"Hmm." You thought for a moment. "Y/n, you're awesome. I'm so glad you moved in with us. It's been a blast."

"You want me to say that?"

You nodded.

He paused for a moment, clearly regretting his decision. "Y/n, you're awesome. I'm so glad you moved in with us. It's been a blast."

The sentence sounded foreign coming from Seonghwa, but it was a nice change from his usual fancy talk.

"Woah." You muttered. "That was... kind of attractive."

"What?" Shrieked Jongho. "I speak like that all the time and you never told me it was attractive."

Seonghwa chuckled darkly, a smirk pulling at his lips. "Well, my dear, if you enjoyed that so much, perhaps I should speak that way more often."

"Stop flirting with her!" Hongjoong shoved Seonghwa.

"I can do as I please."

"If you get to flirt with her, so do I." Yeosang spoke up.

"What did I get myself into?" You muttered under your breath.

•

"Y/nnn." Yunho pouted, dragging out your name. "I'm thirsty."

"Do we have any blood bags?" You asked absentmindedly.

"No."

"Well, go out and find someone to drink from."

"I was thinking something else."

You glanced over at him as he scooted closer.

"I know what you're thinking and it's not gonna happen."

"Why not?" He pouted as he began crawling across the couch.

"I don't want you to."

"C'mon, Y/n." He coaxed. "It won't hurt. You'll only feel a pinch. I promise."

His eyes flashed red as he hovered over you.

In a moment of panic, you reached over to the table beside the couch, pulling open the drawer and grabbing the first thing your hands could find.

A flashlight.

You had purchased it less than a week ago since the place was so poorly lit. You placed it in the drawer beside the couch as a temporary home and it seems to have come in handy.

You retrieved the flashlight from its spot, holding it out.

"Don't you dare." You pointed it at Yunho.

"What is that?" He asked, backing off a bit.

"It's portable sunlight." You lied.

Yunho let out a gasp, cowering away.

"Yeah, that's right. It's bright and it burns."

Yunho winced at your words before his face fell flat. "Wait. How do I know you're telling the truth?"

You raised a brow, keeping direct eye contact with him as you pointed the flashlight towards the wall and clicked the on button. Yunho let out a scream, immediately jumping behind the nearest piece of furniture.

"I'll use it on you if you don't stop bothering me. I don't care if you're my friend." You threatened, turning the flashlight off.

"Okay, okay, okay!" Yunho ducked behind the chair. "Please don't use the portable sunlight on me. I won't bother you."

"Good." You huffed, leaning back against the couch.

•

"Y/n, can I play on your phone?" Wooyoung asked with a pout.

"It needs to charge."

"Aw." He frowned.

"Hey, I have an idea. Why don't you guys get your own cell phones?"

Wooyoung furrowed his brows, blinking a few times. "I never thought about that."

"I have no need for one of these cellular devices you speak of." Seonghwa muttered, flipping through the newspaper.

"You might enjoy it." You told Seonghwa. "You can text the boys and download as much classical music as you want."

"I do not need to text my friends. I live under the same roof as them."

"Okay fine, forget the texting thing."

"Seonghwa, if we get phones you should get one too." Wooyoung said.

"I shall reiterate what I just told Y/n. I do not need one. Writing letters suffices."

"It does not. No one really writes letters anymore." You stated.

"What about bills, though?" Yunho spoke up.

"You guys can all get on family plan, it'll be cheaper." You answered simply.

"Ooh exciting." Mingi grinned. "Let's do it!"

"What do you think, Seonghwa?" Hongjoong inquired, turning to his friend.

"Fine." He sighed. "I suppose I can get one of these phones you speak so highly of."

"This is great! When should we go?" You asked.

"Right now!" Wooyoung stood up. "The sun isn't out much today. I think it'll be safe."

"Okay, then. Who's coming with me?"

"All of us!" San piped up.

"Not me." Seonghwa muttered.

"But you have to be there to choose your phone color." You pointed out.

"I do not care what color the phone is."

"I'm gonna get him a pink one." Yeosang whispered to Hongjoong.

"Alright, I shall join you." Seonghwa spoke quickly, setting his newspaper aside.

All nine of you piled into the black van they had for group outings. San was quick to push everyone aside so he could sit in the passenger's seat beside you, repeatedly calling shotgun as he scrambled into the seat.

You pulled up to the nearest cellphone carrier building and stepped inside. All eyes were on you and your group of friends as you walked through the store. You were sure you all looked like a rather strange group, but you couldn't be bothered by it. An employee came up right away to assist you all in your cellphone endeavors.

It took a while to get out of the store because Wooyoung and Mingi couldn't decide which color phone they wanted and Seonghwa kept stopping the employee every few seconds to ask what gigabyte and data was. Eventually, you pulled him aside and asked that he just let you take care of it. There was also a rather long conversation about wether the boys wanted unlimited data or not.

"Do you have wifi at your house?" The employee asked.

"What is w-" Seonghwa started, only to be discreetly jabbed in the side by Jongho.

"We don't." The youngest answered.

"Okay, then you'll want the unlimited data."

After being in the store for over an hour, you finally made it out, all eight of the boys with brand new cellphones.

"I have my own phone!" Wooyoung squeaked, holding up his newly activated device.

"That was rather expensive." Seonghwa commented.

"Yeah but did you see the look on that guy's face when you dropped all those coins onto the counter?" Jongho laughed.

"It was as if he had never seen money before." Seonghwa remarked.

"That's because no one uses that kind of money anymore. It's like really old and valuable." You spoke up.

"Old?!" Seonghwa shrieked.

"Yeah." You answered bluntly.

"Well, if you think about it, we're all old. We've been vampires since like the mid 1800s." Yeosang pointed out.

"Yeah, but we don't act old." Jongho mentioned. "Seonghwa does, though."

"Oh no." You muttered, knowing there was about to be an argument.

"I do not act old. I am simply being a proper and elegant gentleman."

"Guys please." You sighed. "Argue when we get home."

"What app should I download first?" Yunho asked, seemingly oblivious to what was just happening.

•

"I got a phone. I got a phone." Mingi sang as he skipped cheerfully through the house, swinging his arms as he did so.

Suddenly, the phone slipped out of his hand, clattering to the floor causing everyone to freeze. The room was dead silent as everyone started at the phone lying face down on the floor.

"Guys." You held your hands out. "It's okay."

You crept towards the phone, slowly picking it off the ground, almost too afraid to look at the screen. You hesitantly flipped it around and glanced at it, letting out a sigh of relief when you saw the screen was still in tact.

"It's okay guys!" You announced, holding the phone up causing the boys to let out a collective sigh of relief.

"You have to be careful with this." You informed him, handing the phone back to Mingi. "It's very delicate. You can't drop it on any hard surfaces and you can't get it wet."

"Okay." He nodded. "Sorry."

"It's okay. Just be careful."

•

"Mingi!" You called.

"Yes?" He appeared in front of you in an instant.

"I got something for you."

"Ooh! A gift?"

"Sort of." You pulled out a large protective phone case that you had hidden behind your back, handing it to Mingi.

"What's this?" He questioned.

"It's a protective phone case."

"It's kind of bulky."

"That's the point. It'll help protect your phone if you drop it."

He pursed his lips, putting the case on his phone.

"I don't really like it."

"Too bad. You need to get used to having a phone and practice not dropping it. Then you can have a different case."

"Okay." Mingi frowned.

Days went by and Mingi really didn't like his new phone case. It wasn't quite fair to him that he was the only one with an ugly case.

"How come I have to be babied and have a big, bulky phone case?" He whined.

"Because you're the one who dropped your phone first." You told him.

"Don't be upset, Mingi. You're setting an example for us." Jongho said.

"Yeah we're learning from you." Yunho added.

"Really?" Mingi beamed.

They nodded.

He puffed up his chest proudly before sauntering off.

•

"Y/n!" San called while running up to you. "Look what I did!" He turned his phone around so you could see it.

Your jaw nearly fell to the floor when you saw a Tinder profile on the screen. His Tinder profile. A mirror selfie of San with his index finger on his bottom lip was displayed on the majority of the screen.

"San."

"Yes?"

"You have to delete that."

"What? Why? Is it not sexy?" He asked, looking at the photo.

"No, San, listen to me. You have to take down your profile. Delete the app."

"My date will be upset." He frowned.

"Date?" You gaped, feeling a tinge of jealousy.

"Yeah. Look." He showed you someone's profile, that someone being Billie Eilish.

"San, that's Billie Eilish."

"I know. She told me who she was."

"Do you even know who she is?" You questioned.

"Someone who wants to go on a date with me." He grinned proudly.

"No. She's a famous singer."

"Oh. That's so cool!"

"It's not."

"Why?"

"Because that's not actually her."

"But she's talking to me. How could it not be her? I have our messages."

"There's this thing called catfishing. It's where people pretend to be someone they're not. Usually they're pretending to be celebrities." You informed him.

"What?" He frowned.

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I guess I should delete my profile." He dropped his head. "Here. Can you do it for me?" He held his phone out.

"Of course." You took it from him, deleting the profile and the app before handing it back.

"Hey. How about we watch a movie or something?"

San still looked upset, his bottom lip stuck out in a pout.

"I'll let you cuddle with me." You nudged him.

His head shot up, eyes sparkling as thoughts of his deleted Tinder profile went out the window.

"What are we waiting for? Let's go!" He picked you up, speeding off to your bedroom which held the only TV in the house, thanks to you.

•

Not long after the boys got phones, Yunho and San were begging to make a group chat. Seonghwa was absolutely against it, but he got added anyway, much to his distaste.

"We can name it?" Hongjoong exclaimed, his mouth hanging open.

"Yes you can."

"Ooh! Let's name it Vamp Squad." Yunho suggested.

"That's lame." Jongho shot the idea down immediately.

"How about Fang Gang?" Wooyoung suggested while striking a pose.

"Lame." Muttered Jongho.

"I don't know. It's kinda cool." You admitted.

After getting your approval, Wooyoung immediately went to typing on his phone.

Wooyoung changed the group name to Fang Gang

"Awesome." He grinned.

"Let's text right now!" Yeosang suggested, eager to see what being in a group chat was like.

"We are in the same room." Seonghwa pointed out.

"You guys can do that." You smiled, causing everyone, besides Seonghwa, to become excited.

Mingi

"How did you do that?" Jongho looked up at Mingi with his mouth agape.

"The two dots and the moon shape." Mingi explained with a cute smile.

"Those are called emoticons. You can use semicolons, colons, parentheses, and more to make faces. Watch this."

You

;)

"Woaahh." The boys marveled at your little emoticon faces.

"You guys have emojis too." You pointed out. "They're like emoticons but with way more detail. Tap the little icon at the bottom of your keypad."

The boys tapped away on their phones, gasping even they saw the abundance of emojis.

Yunho

😀😎👋🏻

Hongjoong

❄️🍇🍉🧀🏀

Jongho

🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🧛🏻‍♂️🙋‍♀️

That's us :)

"Okay you guys are having way too much fun with this." You shook your head, unable to hold back the fond smile pulling at your lips.

"Yes we are." Jongho nodded.

"I have so many emojis at my disposal." Wooyoung murmured, his eyes gleaming as he scrolled past the different categories.

"There's an emoji for everything!" Yeosang gaped.

"There is." You nodded. "It's actually amazing."

"So what do emojis do?" Hongjoong inquired.

"They help show a bit of emotion through text. Hence the name emoji."

"Ah." Hongjoong nodded. "So if I'm happy I can use the happy face and if I'm angry I can use the angry face."

"Yes."

"Cool." He whispered in amazement, a smile on his face as he looked at the phone.

San

Seonghwa

Hey

Seonghwa hey

Seonghwa glared across the room at San, his eyes flashing red as a threat. "Stop."

San stuck his tongue out in response.

The group chat continued to blow up throughout the day. Most of the time it was just random emojis and words. You couldn't find it in yourself to be annoyed. In fact, you found it cute how they were all so excited about texting.

Yunho

Hey Y/n. Wsbatarw you dojng

You

What?

Jongho

What are you trying to say?

Yunho

I askd howjs she wa doibfg

You

I see

You're using that vampire speed of yours to respond quickly but you're making lots of typos in the process LOL

Yunho

Shut up

Yuo don't kneow tbat

You clamped your hand over your mouth to keep yourself from laughing.

•

"Is that my blanket?" Yeosang asked Wooyoung.

"Yeah."

"You didn't ask to use it."

"I didn't think I needed to." He shrugged.

"Give it back." Yeosang demanded, holding his hand out.

"What? No, I'm using it."

"It's my blanket."

"I don't care."

"Give it back or I'll use the portable sunlight on you." He threatened.

"You won't." Wooyoung chuckled bitterly.

"Alright, bet."

Yeosang snatched the flashlight from the drawer, turning it on before Wooyoung had a chance to react. He let out a hiss, shielding himself. He quickly realized that the light wasn't hot nor was it burning him. At the very least, it was mildly irritating to his eyes.

"What?" Yeosang muttered, crestfallen.

"HA!" Wooyoung laughed, pointing at Yeosang.

"Stop laughing! Do you know what this means?" He asked, clicking off the flashlight.

"What?" Wooyoung questioned, oblivious.

"This isn't actually portable sunlight. Y/n tricked us."

Wooyoung's eyes widened.

•

You headed down the steps, towards the living room area hearing lots of hushed whispers. As soon as you stepped into the room it went quiet, everyone's eyes on you.

"Why is everyone gathered here?"

"I would like to know the same thing." Seonghwa huffed, looking agitated.

Wooyoung crossed his legs, clasping his hands together and resting them on his knees.

"We need to talk."

"Why are you acting like I'm in trouble?" You chuckled, taking a seat beside Mingi.

"Because you are." Yeosang spoke up.

"Why?"

He held up the flashlight you often used to keep the boys away from you.

"This isn't portable sunlight." He stated.

You eyes widened, knowing they were onto you.

"It's not?" Mingi sat up.

"No. It appears to be some sort of miniature light. It's not sun at all." Yeosang informed the group.

"Are you kidding me?" Yunho exploded.

"It took you this long to figure it out?" Jongho spoke up. "I figured it out already."

"What?" Everyone looked at Jongho angrily.

"And you didn't think to tell us?" Hongjoong asked.

"I enjoyed seeing you all get so scared when Y/n threatened you." He chuckled.

"Y/n, please explain yourself." San crossed his arms.

"Okay. I lied. It's just a flashlight, nothing more. I just needed something to use to keep you guys away from me." You admitted.

"If you wished to have space you should have asked." Seonghwa stated.

"Not everyone listens." You spoke pointedly, eyeing San and Wooyoung.

"We just love you so much." San spoke cutely.

"You have a unique way of showing it."

•

You walked into the kitchen in search of a snack, needing something to hold you over before dinner. Pulling open the pantry door, you peered inside to see what there was to choose from.

"Whatcha doing?" Yeosang's smooth voice inquired softly.

"Looking for a snack."

"I see a snack right here in front of me."

You spun around to face him. "Excuse me?"

It wasn't often Yeosang made comments like that, so it caught you off guard.

"You heard me." He hummed, his eyes flashing red.

"Yeosang, please." You tried to push him away, but he wouldn't budge. "I am not in the mood for this."

"What do you think you're doing?" Hongjoong's voice rang out.

You snapped your head towards the entrance of the kitchen seeing Hongjoong standing in the doorway. He stomped up to Yeosang and jerked him away.

"I asked you a question." He snapped.

"She smelled nice and I'm thirsty." Yeosang answered plainly.

"Well, go out and find someone to feed off of. You know Y/n is off limits." Hongjoong said as he narrowed his eyes at the blonde.

Before he could respond, Hongjoong grabbed your hand.

"C'mon, Y/n." He muttered, pulling you out of the room and into another where you could be alone. "Are you alright?" He asked, brushing your hair out of your face.

The caring and gentle gesture had your cheeks feeling warm.

"I'm fine." You told him.

"You sure?"

You nodded.

Hongjoong pulled you into a hug.

"I'm sorry about Yeosang." He muttered.

"It's fine. I'm honestly used to it at this point." You chuckled, giving him a pat on the back.

You started to pull away, but Hongjoong held you still.

"Hongjoong-"

"You do smell good." He whispered.

You quickly shoved him away. Hongjoong claimed to have the second best control in the group and he more than likely wasn't going to do anything, but you weren't willing to test that theory.

"Jeez. You too?" You huffed, stalking away.

"Y/n?" Yunho called as you stepped into the living room.

"Hey! I was looking for you." Wooyoung spoke up as he descended the stairs.

San appeared out of nowhere and nearly tackled you in a hug, nuzzling his face against your cheek.

"San, please. I'm really not in the mood." You huffed, wiggling out of his grip. "I'll use the..." You trailed off, realizing you couldn't use the flashlight as a threat anymore.

"Yeah. That's right." Wooyoung chuckled, a smug grin on his face. "You don't have your portable sunlight anymore. How are you gonna get rid of us?"

Without a word, you spun around and immediately started walking towards the front entrance.

"Where are you going?" San asked.

"Out to eat. I was thinking of getting pizza for dinner��with extra garlic."

"How could you?" They gasped.

You smirked, reaching out to open the door only to be stopped.

"I'm sorry." Yunho wailed, dropping to his knees and latching onto your leg.

"Me too!" Wooyoung declared dramatically, following what Yunho did.

"We'll leave you alone. Please don't eat garlic." Yunho cried out.

"You two are the biggest babies." You sighed, ruffling their hair playfully. "I'm not going anywhere."

•

"Hey do you remember when we first met?" Mingi asked.

"Yes. At a social gathering in 18-" Seonghwa was immediately cut off.

"Not us. Y/n."

"Oh yeah." You chuckled at the memory. "I remember it very well.”

*flashback*

You stood on the cramped bus as it drove down the busy streets of Seoul. You had been staying in a hotel for about three days and your search for a place to live was bearing no results. You thought you had a place lined up, but someone else who was willing to pay more money got it instead. You released a long sigh, your eyes glancing down at a man sitting in one of the seats lining the walls of the bus. You couldn't help but think how lucky he was to have found a seat. Your eyes traveled down to the open newspaper in the man's hands, spotting a small section off to the side labeled: ROOMMATE WANTED in large letters. Your eyes widened upon seeing the announcement, taking a brief glance at the name of the newspaper, making sure to remember it.

You got off at the next stop, searching for the nearest newspaper dispenser, spotting one for the newspaper publisher you were in search of. You hurriedly fished out some coins, dropping them into the coin slots before pulling out one of the papers, hastily flipping through the pages until you found what you were looking for.

ROOMMATE WANTED

Name: Kim Hongjoong

Rooms: 10

Bathrooms: 3

Looking for a roommate who knows how to drive or can provide transportation. Must be able to run errands at any time of the day.

If you are interested please stop by any time.

You furrowed your brows after reading the requirements.

"That's an odd request." You muttered to yourself.

But ten bedrooms? That's crazy. It made you wonder how many people lived there currently.

Less than 30 minutes later you found yourself standing in front of a large mansion. The outside was a bit unkempt and weathered, but nice nonetheless. You reached up and gave a few knocks to the large front door. Moments later, it creaked open, a man with dark hair stood inside. His attire was a bit odd and somewhat Victorian. He had on a dressy shirt with large, ruffled sleeves, a gray and silver vest, and black dress pants.

"Can I help you?" He asked, his voice soft and airy.

"Yes. I'm here about the ad in the paper." You held it up. "Are you Kim Hongjoong?"

"I am. Please, come inside." He stepped aside, allowing you to walk in.

You were immediately rendered speechless at the mansion's interior, marveling at the exquisite and vintage-like decor.

"Who is that?" Someone stuck their head into the room.

"Do we have a guest?" A second person piped up.

"It's just someone who saw our ad in the paper." Hongjoong informed the two.

"A potential roommate?" A third person came hurrying into the room.

"Possibly. Go get the others, please." Hongjoong requested. "You can have a seat over there." He gestured towards a red couch sitting against the wall.

You took a seat, watching as more and more guys entered the room. Five, six, seven.

What did I get myself into? You thought.

"Who is this?" An eighth man with dark hair and similar attire as Hongjoong asked while striding into the room.

The way he carried himself was that of a dignified man, his aura intimidating. It was clear he held some authority, like Hongjoong, but unlike the latter, he didn't have a friendly vibe.

"This is..." Hongjoong trailed off, turning to you.

"Y/n. My name is Y/n." You spoke up, introducing yourself.

"Right, Y/n. She is here about the roommate ad."

The dark-haired guy turned towards Hongjoong, pulling him off to the side. You didn't mean to eavesdrop, but the house was so quiet you couldn't help it.

"We already discussed this. I do not want a human living with us."

What? Did I hear that correctly?

"Seonghwa, be quiet." Hongjoong shushed. "She's right there."

"I explicitly told you not to put that ad in the paper." The one named Seonghwa whispered harshly.

"Just give her a chance." Hongjoong pleaded.

"Very well."

"Alright." Hongjoong approached you, clasping his hands together as he took a seat across from you. "You said you were interested in possibly staying here, correct?"

"Yes. I just moved here less than a week ago and I haven't been very lucky so far."

"How so?" Inquired Hongjoong.

"Well, for starters, the day I got here, the house I was supposed to move into was sold to someone with more money."

"That is quite unfortunate." Muttered a brown-haired guy who seemed to be keeping to himself. He had a rather strong build and you could tell he stayed in shape.

"I wasn't aware there were eight of you here." You mentioned. "I also didn't realize it was all men living here. Are you looking for a male roommate specifically?"

"We don't mind sharing the house with a woman." A man with sharp catlike eyes and dimples smiled, shooting you a wink.

Hongjoong shot him a warning glance before turning back to you.

"Apologies. The ad in the newspaper was my idea which is why only my name was listed."

"I see."

"You seem a bit apprehensive." A long-haired blonde with extremely handsome features commented.

"Just a little, but I'm also pretty desperate to find a place to live."

"You can drive, right?" A tall blonde asked. His features were soft and reminded you of a puppy.

"Yeah." You nodded. "I don't have a car though."

"That's alright. We have a van." He informed you.

"You don't use it?"

"None of us know how to drive."

"Ah."

"Well, Wooyoung tried driving once but he nearly crashed into the house." A brunette with a deep voice spoke up.

"I told you I was sorry." The one named Wooyoung whined.

"If I wasn't already dead, you would have killed me."

"Shut up." The seemingly quiet brown-haired guy elbowed the taller one in the side.

You gave them both an odd glance before looking back at Hongjoong who appeared quite nervous.

"So, what do you think?" He asked suddenly.

"Well..." You trailed off.

"You wouldn't have to pay any rent or anything." He spoke up.

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

You were apprehensive at first, considering there were eight guys staying there, but they all seemed pretty friendly. Plus, this might be your only chance to find a place to live.

"Okay." You nodded.

"You'll move in?" Asked Hongjoong.

"Yes."

"Before you do that," Seonghwa started, stepping past Hongjoong. "There is something you should know about us."

He began circling you, eyeing you up and down before stopping at your side. You glanced over at him as he leaned in, towering over you.

"We are vampires." He spoke lowly.

You let out a loud laugh. "You're pulling my leg, right?"

Seonghwa stepped away, glancing down at your legs. "I did not touch your leg."

"Sorry about him." Wooyoung spoke up. "He's stuck in 1842."

1842?

"I'm sorry, what?" You blinked.

"You guys are making her nervous." Hongjoong hurried over.

"Good." Seonghwa muttered.

"You're not playing a prank on me?"

"No." Answered Seonghwa.

Your gaze moved across the room, taking in the appearance of everyone standing around. All eight of them wore similar outdated, Victorian-style attire. That's when it clicked.

"So, you guys really are vampires?"

They all nodded.

You looked over at Hongjoong who had a guilty expression on his face.

"Okay." You took a step back, holding your hands up. "As long as no one bites me, I'm okay with this."

"What?" Seonghwa exclaimed, clearly upset that you accepted the offer.

"You don't mind?" The tall guy with the deep voice asked, his brown eyes sparkling as his lips stuck out in a pout.

"No. Actually, I think it's pretty cool."

*end of flashback*

"I can't believe Seonghwa didn't want me to move in."

"Apologies. I did not trust humans at the time."

"It's fine. That was two years ago, anyway. Plus, I've grown on you, haven't I?" You grinned. "C'mon. Admit it."

Seonghwa cracked a smile. "I suppose."

•

You stepped into the large and spacious common room where everyone was gathered. "Hey, guys. I've invited some friends over for dinner. So I'm gonna need you guys to not be weird. Also please stay out of the kitchen."

"What kind of friends are coming over?" Yunho inquired.

"Yeah. Are they guys?" San piped up.

"Yes."

"How many?"

"Two." You answered.

"Do they like you?"

"San, they're just my friends. Please just let me spend time with them, okay?"

They all agreed, nodding their heads in acknowledgment.

You went to the kitchen and started preparing a quick and simple meal, thinking it would be nice to have something made at home for once instead of delivery. You began plating the food just as there was a knock on the front door.

"I got it!" You announced, hurrying out of the dining room and rushing to answer the door before anyone else could. "You all stay right there." You pointed to the boys all sat around the living room.

You cleared your throat and turned towards the door before opening it.

"Jungwoo, Taeyong. Hi."

"Hi, Y/n." Jungwoo gave a warm smile.

"I hope you two are hungry. I made dinner myself."

"I'm starving." Taeyong grinned excitedly.

"Come on in." You stepped aside, allowing them to walk inside.

You glanced over at San who seemed to be glaring at your two acquaintances along with the other boys.

You let Taeyong and Jungwoo walk ahead of you as you made an "I've got my eyes on you." gesture to the group of vampires in the living room.

You already had the dining room set up and the food plated. Taeyong rubbed his hands together in anticipation as he sat down at the table.

"This place is incredible." Jungwoo commented, gazing around at the fancy dining room.

"Thanks."

"Who were those guys in the living room?" Taeyong asked.

"My roommates."

"All of them?"

"Yeah but this house is big enough for all of us."

"You got really lucky." Jungwoo said before taking a bite of pasta. "Seriously. You're living the high life."

"Eh." You shrugged. "Sort of. Some of my roommates are a bit clingy."

As if on cue, San came striding in, pulling out the chair beside you and taking a seat.

"Exhibit A." You gestured to him.

Taeyong and Jungwoo chuckled.

"San. What are you doing?"

"I thought I would have dinner with you all." He grinned cheekily, showing off his dimples.

You chewed on your lip, giving him a hard glare.

San smirked in response, reaching into the basket of freshly-baked bread sitting on the table. He took a bite, clearly not planning on leaving anytime soon.

As he chewed, he furrowed his brows, coughing a few times. San reached up and scratched at his face a bit.

"Why is my face so itchy?" He asked aloud.

Your eyes widened as they trailed down to the piece of bread in his hand.

"What kind of bread is this?" He asked.

"It's garlic bread."

San froze, blinking a few times. "What bread?"

"Garlic bread."

His eyes went wide. He immediately dropped the bread onto the table, pushing himself out of his chair. "Excuse me." He spoke calmly before sprinting out of the room.

"Is he okay?" Taeyong asked, his brows creased with worry.

"He's fine! He's... got a gluten allergy." You lied.

"He didn't know that was bread?" Jungwoo questioned.

"Ah. Well, you see, we buy gluten-free bread for him and he didn't know the difference."

Jungwoo and Taeyong nodded.

"Well, I hope he's alright." Taeyong frowned.

"He's fine." You waved your hand dismissively.

Serves him right.

•

You were cleaning the living room/common room area of the house, making sure Seonghwa's precious mahogany coffee table was spotless and free of smudges or scuffs. It didn't require much cleaning since Seonghwa did such a good job of buffing it out every single day.

As you were checking the tabletop for any blemishes, you noticed a small notebook sitting on the edge. You picked it up, running your fingers along the cover. It was just slightly bigger than your hand and bound in black leather.

You didn't want to pry, but your curiosity got the best of you. You opened up the notebook to the cover page, the name Park Seonghwa written in perfect calligraphy.

Is this a journal perhaps? You wondered.

You flipped to the next page which was covered in notes of some sort.

Cool - Does not mean cold. It means you are excellent.

Lit - Does not refer to lighting. It means all the rage.

TV - A strange picture box used for entertainment.

Wifi - Helps access the "internet".

Data - Similar to wifi. Can only be used on a cell phone.

Vaping - Something I detest very much. Seriously, I do not understand these adolescents and their electronic nicotine sticks.

You chuckled at his small side note before continuing to read down the list.

Sick - Another word for "cool". When someone says "That's sick!" it does not mean ill.

Dope - Yet another word for "cool" or "sick".

You flipped through a few more pages, seeing that all of them were notes on slang terms. You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, trying to hold back a smile as you closed the journal, placing it back where you found it and waking away.

Part 2

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Text

Jack Jeanne Complete Collection - Interview with Ishida Sui and Towada Shin Translation

This interview is from the Jack Jeanne Complete Collection art book, it’s available on CDJapan and Amazon jp. You can also purchase a digital only version on bookwalker jp. I encourage anyone reading to purchase the game (if you haven't already) or the art book itself to support Ishida and Towada directly. 💕

This is a VERY long interview so I apologise for any typos or errors I may have missed.

~ ~ ~

An interview with Ishida Sui and Towada Shin, who both worked on writing the story of Jack Jeanne. In this interview they reveal what went on behind the scenes during production, rejected story ideas and much more. This interview was conducted remotely on the 9th of February 2021.

Interviewer: Yui Kashima

How did Ishida Sui end up making an otome game?

—How did the production of Jack Jeanne begin?

Ishida: It was sometime around Autumn 2015 I think… On an old personal site that I used to run, I received an email from the company Broccoli to an email address that I no longer use. It was a commission request for character designs.

—In 2015 Tokyo Ghoul was still being serialised wasn’t it?

Ishida: Yes. Usually job offers like that go through Shueisha first, so I contacted my editor asking why this one was sent to my private email… At the time, in addition to working on Tokyo Ghoul, I was also drawing illustrations for a tear-off calendar and very busy with various other things, so when my editorial department heard about the offer they seemed very shocked like "What!?".

—Why did you decide to accept the offer even though you were so busy?

Ishida: I would often receive offers asking for me to draw manga or illustrations, so I figured that this one was a similar case. However, some words in the email caught my eye. Like ‘Gender Swap’, ‘Takarazuka’ and ‘All Boys Opera'. When I saw these concept ideas, a dream began to swell in my chest and I felt like giving it a try.

I think if it had just been a normal character design job, I would have turned it down. However just from reading the short brief in the email my interest was piqued. While in discussions with the Young Jump editorial department, I also casually mentioned the kind of offer I’d received to Towada-san.

Towada: Yeah, Ishida-san asked me for some advice. I was also drawn to the ‘Gender Swap’ and ‘Opera’ concepts. I could easily visualise the setting of the story. Additionally, it seemed like it would be a story that included many different themes such as gender. When I thought about that, I figured that Ishida-san would be a good fit, since I knew he would be able to draw something that went beyond all genders.

Ishida: I’ve been drawing androgynous characters for a long time, so Towada-san and I talked and wondered if that's what they must be looking for. After that, I created my own proposal and submitted it to Broccoli.

—You created your own proposal, Ishida-san?

Ishida: When I looked at the original proposal that Broccoli had sent me, a lot of it differed from my personal tastes. It was a very upbeat and dazzling story. It would’ve been hard for me to match my art style to that, so in my proposal I noted things like ‘if it were me, I’d do something more like this’. I was interested in this unpolished gem of a story, so I thought it would be a waste to turn it down altogether. I wanted to at least try throwing my own ideas into the ring, so I spent a week creating the six main characters and sent them in.

—At that time, I heard that the game wasn’t titled ‘Jack Jeanne’ yet, but was instead called ‘Jiemarie’.

Ishida: At first, I wanted to try creating a word that doesn’t exist. So using French as a base, I came up with ‘Jiemarie’ as the game's provisional title. But then a month later when I was reconsidering the title, I looked at it again and thought, damn this looks lame. So I hurriedly called Towada-san on Skype and we entered a discussion that lasted about ten hours over what the title should be.

That’s when we decided on ‘Jack Jeanne’. The male roles take the name from the knight, or the ‘Jack’ in a deck of playing cards. And the female roles ‘Jeanne’ take from the word parisienne and Jeanne d’Arc. When these two terms are put together, I feel like you can comprehend what the game is about with a bit of nuance. Plus you can shorten it to ‘JJ’… That’s also the title of a magazine though (lol).

—Taking on another job whilst your manga was being serialised sounds like it would be tough on you both physically and mentally.

Ishida: I think I must’ve been a bit unwell (lol). My body was fine, but being able to work on something other than a serialised manga was a lot easier on me mentally. I may have seen it as a way to escape, so I didn’t feel that working on two projects at the same time was difficult. When it comes to game development, I can only create what I’m capable of, and there was no set release date yet. Of course, I would work on and submit things whenever I could though.

—What kind of things would you submit?

Ishida: I would sketch character designs, discuss and create story elements with Towada-san and try to put Univeils history into chronological order. Then I would share the progress with Broccoli and have meetings and such with them. In the beginning, rather than having to draw anything yet, it was mostly just brainstorming and planning. That’s why I think I was able to do it all concurrently with the serialisation of my manga.

~ ~ ~

How Ishida Sui and Towada Shin know each other

—Do you chat with Towada-san often?

Ishida: Well yeah, she is my older sister after all.

Towada: We talk a lot. When we both have the time we chat over Skype.

Ishida: Once we start the conversation can last up to five or six hours. We mostly talk about things that happened throughout our day. When I’m talking to someone I often bring up something that’s happened to me and ask their opinion on it. She became someone that I could chat with whilst working on my manga. Ever since my student days we’d talk until early morning, I usually told her about storyboards I’d drawn.

—At the Ishida Sui exhibition it was revealed that Towada-san had even given you advice on some of your earliest works.

Ishida: Yeah that’s right. It was a work I’d prepared for a 'bring your own work along' induction course in Tokyo that I attended back in my student days. It was a manga about two characters who eventually became the prototypes for Tsukiyama and Hori Chie in Tokyo Ghoul. It was only about 30 pages long, however when I showed it to Towada-san the day before the presentation, she told me that she thought my linework was too thin.

Towada: Yeah, the overall linework of the manga was thinly drawn. Once I told Ishida-san this thought, he began tracing over his linework and making it thicker. And then when he looked at it again, he said “Yep, I need to redraw the whole thing”.

The linework being too thin was only my personal opinion and the presentation was in Tokyo the next day, so in horror, I began hastily telling him, “You won’t make it in time, stop, stop!”

Ishida: All I could think about was that the lines really were too thin, so I wanted to redraw it. All of the screentones had already been affixed to the panels, but I didn’t want to bring something along with me whilst knowing it wasn’t the best that it could be.

Towada: Ishida-san handled the linework and I helped with redoing the screentones. We worked throughout the night and finished redrawing the whole manuscript. Once it was done, it wasn’t even comparable to the previous version, the lines were powerful and the characters' expressions conveyed a lot. I was seriously worried though (lol), I didn’t know if we’d complete it in time.

Ishida: I couldn’t think about anything other than the lines being too thin, so I wasn’t even worried about whether I had enough time or not.

Towada: I fell asleep halfway through, but you continued and boarded that Tokyo bound flight without having slept a wink, didn’t you?

Ishida: Yeah. I let Towada-san sleep and continued applying the screentones myself right up until the very last minute. I was still applying them whilst on the plane and also after my arrival in Tokyo. I used screentone number 10 a lot, so I remember the scenery around me gradually began to look grainy like the screentone. It felt as though I was hallucinating.

—Sounds like it was a tough manuscript to complete. Towada-san was also the author for the Tokyo Ghoul novels, has your relationship always been one akin to work partners?

Ishida: When it was decided that Tokyo Ghoul would be getting a novelisation, I was given other authors' works to look at. However, none of their styles really clicked with me, and they didn’t seem right for the series. I knew that Towada-san wrote, so I tried reaching out to her.

Although back in the days of Tokyo Ghoul’s serialisation, Towada-san and I didn’t talk as much as we do now. If I had any concerns I would just try and sort them out by myself. We’d always gotten along as brother and sister, however we didn’t really start to have a ‘work partners’ kind of relationship until we started working on Jack Jeanne together.

Towada: That’s true. Back then, we only occasionally conversed regarding the novelisation of Tokyo Ghoul. Before :re we only spoke once every few months over Skype. As Ishida-san said, it wasn’t until I started working on Jack Jeanne that we really started properly talking to one another.

—How often would you contact each other?

Towada: Depending on what stage we were at, we would bounce ideas off each other once every three or so days. Ishida-san would make a request like “I’d be happy if this part of the script was done within the next two weeks.” And then I’d present what I’d written and we’d discuss it and then I’d return to writing again. This process was repeated until Jack Jeanne reached its completion.

—Was Ishida-san the one that reached out to Towada-san to write the script of Jack Janne?

Towada: He didn’t ask me specifically to write the script, early in development he’d ask me to help with some research like “I’d like you to look up some information on this, could you help me?”. I’ve always liked ikusei games and within that genre I also enjoy romance and otome games. So I think that’s why it was easy for Ishida-san to consult me about it. We’ve had a common interest in games ever since we were kids.

Ishida: Back then I played games like ‘Pinnochia no Miru Yume’ and ‘Angelique’. I wanted to try and conquer Marcel in Angelique but it was one difficult game, so it was a tough task. Before I could even raise any flags with him, the training aspect of the game was so hard that no matter how many times I played I never got any good at it.

Towada: I’m the type that loves playing games, so after talking with Ishida-san, I went on to play every popular otome game that had been released around 2015, as well as every Broccoli published otoge. I completed every single character route in those games. I began analysing otome game trends and Broccoli’s brand identity and relayed my findings to Ishida-san. After that, I went along with the Jack Jeanne production team and Makasano Chuuji-san from Shueisha, who was the scriptwriter of the Tokyo Ghoul anime. We all visited the city of Takarazuka for research.

Ishida: I was also supposed to be there for the Takarazuka trip but since I had my manga to worry about, I had Towada-san go and take in the atmosphere in my place.

Towada: I did have to gather material but I think I visited Takarazuka a total of five or six times. From morning I would watch the Takarazuka theatre from afar and simply watch the guests move about, soaking in the atmosphere of the city.

Along with the Takarazuka plays, I also watched student plays, in total I probably went and watched one hundred shows. Theatre shows that are performed by professionals are fully realised and flawless. So getting to see the contrast to student plays, where they progress and improve until the show is complete was a very helpful reference.

I’ve always enjoyed watching plays, so everything I had to research overlapped with my own hobbies. I still shared my own input with Ishida-san though.

Ishida: I’d never formally been asked to write a script before… I felt like a fraud (lol). I think it’s because I’m not very good at being considerate of other people. I don’t think I’d be able to work with anyone other than Towada-san on something.

—Why is that?

Ishida: Well, for one I don’t want to talk to anyone for long periods of time (lol). Because Towada-san understands what aspects of a story are important to me, she’s also able to comprehend what I mean when I talk in abstract concepts. We could save time by not needing to have any pointless discussions.

Towada: Back then Ishida-san was still very busy publishing his manga, so bringing in all sorts of new people to work on the project probably would’ve put quite the burden on him. That’s why I wanted to help him out in some way.

After researching all sorts of things, I ended up participating in a production meeting for Jack Jeanne, but I was not expecting that I myself would end up being in charge of writing the script. Rather, I was more just looking forward to getting to play a game made by Ishida-san. As things progressed though, I was asked to try plotting things out, or to write part of the script to be used temporarily. Eventually I came to think, why don’t I just write the scenario myself?

I’d never written the script for a game before though, so that’s what had been holding me back. Unlike novels, it’s commonplace to not have to write descriptively. Novels are made up of dialogue and descriptions, like describing the setting and characters' expressions or emotions. So I had to spend a lot of time working out how to write to properly convey a story through dialogue alone.

When I first started getting the hang of it, I tried writing a script that still included descriptions but I quickly stopped. Jack Jeanne is about theatre, so I figured that it would be easier to convey the presence and narrative of the story through conversation. I usually write novels, so I was uncertain, but since Jack Jeanne has sprites of the characters on screen, I thought that I could do it. I suppose it’s closer to writing for a manga rather than a novel.

~ ~ ~

The rejected character routes

—Before Tokyo Ghoul was completed, what kind of things did you work on?

Ishida: The first two years were mostly spent creating the game’s world and mechanics. Like deciding how many performances there would be, how the plays would be presented. Would it be a dialogue drama? Would there be mini games? Things like that. We also had to decide whether summer break would be included or not, how raising affection would work and how the choices would be presented. Those are the sort of things that were talked about first.

—You got to watch over the entire game’s development then.

Ishida: At first, I got carried away and envisioned a stage play game full of skill mechanics that I personally enjoyed. A busy game full of specs you can raise and improve in mini games, however when I explained these details to a friend of mine, they were like “You’re just imagining a game that you would like, right?”.

They asked me if that’s what the eventual players of Jack Jeanne would be looking for. That same friend said that since it’s a story that deals with the theme of theatre, it would be better if the player could witness the performances themselves. So I took that advice and the prototype of the current Jack Jeanne was created. I told all of this to Towada-san and had her handle the script.

Towada: You can’t write a script without knowing how the game’s system works after all.

Ishida: Now that I think about it, before Tokyo Ghoul was finished, rather than build the game's foundation, all I was really doing was scattering the sand to prepare for said foundation.

When Tokyo Ghoul entered its endgame especially, I really had to concentrate on it, so I took a six month break from Jack Jeanne. Ending a story requires a lot of energy and attention, so I left the practical work of Jack Jeanne to Towada-san and only supervised the music production and attended any important meetings.

—So during serialisation you were making preparations to jump right into it afterwards?

Ishida: Yes exactly. I wasn’t able to do much practical work, so I had Towada-san prepare the script in advance for me. And for the time being, create one character route.

—Which character was it?

Towada: It was Shirota. I wrote about the equivalent length of a short book and it was more or less complete. In the end, we scrapped the entire thing though… Because the atmosphere in the beginning was quite dark.

Ishida: It was dark because I was too used to Tokyo Ghoul. It included issues like a troubled household and severe bullying. Reading something like that wouldn’t put the player in a happy mood.

Despite it being a story about the theatre, my attention drifted to other topics which didn’t fit. And it was me who had asked Towada-san to write something like that… A couple months after the Shirota route had been completed, I read over what Towada-san had written for me once again and realised that it was a bit too gloomy. I’d forgotten what prompt I’d even given to her in the first place (lol).

The first character portraits and CGs that I created were for Shirota too. The reason being that Shirota is the only second year student and he was already a complete individual, so he was easy to create for. As for the third year students, there’s three of them, Fumi, Kai and Neji. Along with Kisa, Suzu and Yonoga are also first years, so continuity and character relationships need to be taken into account in order to create them, so they were a little more complex.

—How did the other characters come to be?

Ishida: At the proposal stage, the first character that I created was Kai. It’s a game where characters will be falling in love and confessing to one another, so first off I wanted a character that was handsome. Then I made Fumi who would be Kai’s partner. After that, I think Shirota was next.

Towada: At first you created the characters by basing them on plays didn’t you?

Ishida: I’m a fan of Yamamoto Shugoro’s work ‘Kikuchiyosho’ so Shirota was created using that as a base. In Shirota's case the genders are swapped, but Kikuchiyosho is a story about a girl who is born into a samurai family and raised as a boy. It has an element of androgyny and portrays the confusion and anger concerning gender quite well.

—How did you select the plays to base the characters on?

Ishida: I chose plays that lots of people are familiar with and would be easy to assign characters to. Kai is ‘The Phantom of the Opera’, Fumi is ‘Salome’, Neji is ‘Faust’ and Yonoga is ‘Shintokumaru’. Kisa and her classmate Ootori are ‘Don Quixote’. Ootori ended up becoming a side character though.

—So Ootori was originally meant to be a main character?

Ishida: Yeah. If I were to compare it to Tokyo Ghoul, Ootori is in the same position as Tsukiyama. I wanted a pompous character like that in Quartz. However I may have made him a little too unique (lol).

I received feedback from Broccoli that they want the main six characters to be an elite group, so a more easy to approach character would be better. So I moved the bright and cheerful character that I had originally made as Onyx’s Jack Ace over. That character was Suzu.

Making the characters personifications of plays started to become difficult to stick with though, so I abandoned the idea entirely halfway through.

—Despite appearing glamorous, the characters are all dealing with their own issues, like certain complexes and family troubles. I think that they’re all conflicts that are easy to sympathise with, how did you decide what the backbone of each character's conflict would be?

Ishida: First I created the character's appearance and then decided what personality would match them. Like with Fumi, when I began to think about making his story about the unique struggles that come with being born into a respected family, if becoming a successor was going to come into question, then he needed to have a brother.

In this way, I worked backwards from the vibe of his appearance and created his home life. I did the same with the other characters too, thinking things like ‘to have a personality like this they must not have parents, or they must struggle with expressing themselves’.

I think that if you let your characters do human-like things, then aspects of them that are easy to sympathise with will be born.

Jealousy, setbacks due to failure, inferiority complexes… Each and every character naturally ended up having some form of theme attached to them.

—I feel as though Kisa had a different sort of personality than that of a typical heroine.

Ishida: To put it simply, I want my protagonists to be fighting something. If they’re not giving it their all, then it’s no good. If they’re just standing around, then you can’t empathise with them.

—There’s times where she draws others towards her or supports those around her. She also has some masculine aspects to her.

Ishida: I think that I’m moved by characters who make me think “This kid’s really admirable”. That’s why I made Kisa a girl who works hard no matter the difficult situation that she’s in. I like Kisa and I’m sure Towada-san feels the same way.

Towada: She’s the result of both of our preferences. While due to the game’s setting, she of course has struggles related to being a girl, but I was careful to write the main thread of her story in a way that transcended gender and instead simply showed her charm as a human being.

—Regarding gender, I was impressed by how neutrally it was portrayed.

Ishida: Yes. Originally, I was going to make Shirota a character with a feminine personality, but I ended up scrapping the idea. In the end, he ended up having more of a masculine mentality. The premise of Jack Jeanne is that boys also play the female roles on stage, but it’s not a metaphor for anything and I didn’t want it to raise any questions. I simply wanted to give it my all creating plays with that setting and create something new and refreshing.

I don’t struggle with any gender related issues myself, so it’s not like I can fully understand what it’s like, but in general I’ve never considered gender to be a very big deal. If someone born male were to tell me “I have the heart of a woman” then I’d just think ‘ok cool’.

To me it feels strange to place so much weight on such an issue. I don't see why others need to be bothered by someone else's gender, I'm not since I myself am not able to speak for such experiences.

Towada: At first, it was possible to take that direction with Shirota but as I continued to write, I came to realise that there was no need to exaggerate any emphasis on his gender identity.

To those looking from an outside perspective, it may seem like a unique identity such as that is a person's defining trait, when in reality it's only just a portion of their whole self. If you consider it to be all they are, then you end up denying the other aspects of that person.

Whilst considering the individually of each character, I kept in mind to write them in a way that seemed natural for them.

—The side character, Tanakamigi Chui of Amber, had a very striking presence. How did you go about creating him?

Ishida: I wanted someone that’s easily understood to be the antagonist, so I went ahead and tried to draw someone who looked like an unstoppable genius. Despite being a second year, it’s as if he controls the school. I wanted an enigmatic and intriguing character like that. Once I named him Tanakamigi Chui I felt as though he was complete and his inclusion in the story was quickly decided on.

—On the flip side, were there any characters that you had a hard time creating?

Ishida: I had to think a little harder about the other members of Amber. They needed to have the aura of the enemy but since they’re only villains in the context of the stage, they’re not actually bad people. So it was hard to find that balance between them.

Visually they’re edgy and have a talented vibe, but they also have their own individual quirks, they’re not all homogeneous. I struggled with Kamiya Utsuri especially, I wanted him to visually look like he could be a Jeanne while also still looking like a boy, so it was difficult to get him right. I didn’t have to do many redesigns though and all the other characters came to be without much trouble.

What I actually had more trouble with, was the fact I made the cast too large. I initially created almost double the amount of first year characters, but when I looked back over the script that Towada-san created, I told her “There’s way too many characters, please cut some of them out.” To which Towada-san replied, “Ishida-san, you’re the one who created them in the first place.” (lol).

Towada: That’s because the cut characters had already appeared in the script (lol).

Ishida: I feel that when there’s too many characters a lot of them get wasted, so just like that I end up creating and scrapping a lot of my characters. I think even Broccoli were surprised by the amount of times I’d suddenly tell them “Oh that character doesn’t exist anymore.”

—Apart from characters, were there any other aspects of the game that were abruptly discarded?

Ishida: The performances I suppose… Originally I had wanted there to be a larger variety of shows, but if you were to put all of them in the script it probably would’ve ended up being three million characters long.

In the beginning of development, I had originally planned for each character's route to have a different final performance. There’s six main characters, and including Kisa’s route, that would total to seven unique shows.

Before that there’s the newcomers, summer, autumn and winter performances, so I arranged to have a script written for each. Basically I wanted to include more shows and increase the amount of sub stories, but that would be confusing to play through and development would never end. The game engine has its limits too, so I decided to keep it simple.

Towada: It would’ve been difficult to play through all that as well (lol). For the final performance, we settled on it being one show and letting the player enjoy it from each character’s perspective instead. And even then, there’s still over 20 different endings to the game, so it still took a long time until everything was fully complete.

—Newcomers, summer, autumn, winter and the final performance, were these five show’s scripts all original?

Towada: Yes. However at first, like the characters, we had planned to base them on famous productions. Like Shakespeare or fairy tales. We figured that players would find it easy to get immersed in plays that they were already familiar with.

Ishida: For the newcomers' performance, I thought we could have a show called ‘House of Biscuits and Candy’ based on Hansel and Gretel. I had also originally planned to use each character's motif to base the plays on.

Towada: Like Shintokumaru, right?

Ishida: Yeah yeah. I even went as far as getting permission to use it, but if the show were to be following a story that already exists, then the script would be bound to it. Once I understood that it would make it difficult to relate the stories to Univeil, we decided to create the plays ourselves.

Since I acquired the permission to adapt Shintokumaru though, maybe I’ll have to make a manga about it someday…

By the way, the one who was saying “Let’s do this” and then changing it to “Nevermind let’s not” was all me. I’ll start on something wholeheartedly thinking that it’s the right choice before realising halfway through that I can’t actually take it anywhere and stop. Jack Jeanne’s development was full of trial and error.

Whenever I’m about to start something, Towada-san will express her concerns with my ideas but I always end up pushing on with them only to ultimately scrap it.

I probably have at least ten books worth of scrapped drafts alone. I had no real knowledge of how to properly craft a story. I hadn’t drawn anything other than Tokyo Ghoul, so even though I had no idea what the fundamentals of storytelling were, I misunderstood that I could write other kinds of stories too. This time around I studied and revised each time… I really learnt a lot.

Towada: You learn things by doing them, so I think I just got used to it (lol). Also, you don’t commonly see stories presented within stories, I thought that it was a rare case for a game especially.

~ ~ ~

The story behind ‘Lyrics: Ishida Sui’

—You also wrote the lyrics for each of the songs used in the performances didn’t you, Ishida-san?

Ishida: Yes, that’s how things ended up. It goes without saying, but no one, including myself, thought that I’d be the one writing the lyrics.

Originally Broccoli brought in several professional lyricists and had me look over what they’d written. However I couldn’t help but feel that they were lyrics I’d heard somewhere before, or they at least didn’t leave a unique impression on me. I did feel the finesse of a professional, and they were beautiful lyrics that fit the story in one way or another… But the words used didn’t touch on the core of the story.

The songs in Jack Jeanne are stage songs that Neji wrote for the members of Quartz. So unless you’re familiar with the setting and understand how the characters are feeling, then you won’t be able to write lyrics that perfectly fit the scenario.

While I knew that my lyric writing technique would be far from that of a professionals, I thought that no one understands and loves these characters more than me, so I approached Broccoli about it. I’d poured my heart into not only the character designs, but also the story and system of the game, so I didn’t want to compromise on the lyrics and have them pale in comparison.

So, to the best of my ability, I wanted to at least try my hand at writing them. I had Broccoli check whether or not what I’d written was viable and asked them “If there are no problems, then please let me write the lyrics.”

—Did you sing the temporary vocals for the songs too?

Ishida: When I submitted the lyrics to Broccoli, I got the normal response of “Thank you, we’ll leave the temporary vocals to you.” Along with this message they also wrote “You can hire a professional vocalist if you’d like, or you could record the temporary vocals yourself.”

Because of this I started thinking that maybe I should record them myself. Similar to how one wouldn’t be able to write lyrics for the songs without a deep understanding of the story, if you weren’t the one who wrote the lyrics, you wouldn’t know how they’re supposed to be sung either.

So, after deciding that I had to be the one to do it, I made preparations to acquire some audio recording equipment and downloaded some editing software. I divided up the parts and harmonised with myself and over the course of three days, I finished recording the temporary vocals. That’s more or less how I did it.

—When recording yourself singing, being self conscious about it can interfere, can’t it?

Ishida: I don’t think I was possessed by him or anything, but… When I tried to go all out, as expected I felt a bit hesitant, so I began recording whilst imagining I was Neji.

In the game, Neji is the one who writes the scripts, so surely he would also write the lyrics and subdivide the song and do everything himself. So I got through it thinking like that. In that pumped up mental state, I sent in the temporarily recorded songs but all Broccoli said back was “Alright, let us know your upcoming schedule”, I got so carried away that I was somewhat bewildered by the cold response (lol).

~ ~ ~

Recruiting via DM, gathering specifically selected creators

—It appears the creators you gathered to handle things such as the concept art and music are all people whose work you enjoy.

Ishida: Yes. Almost everyone was sent a targeted offer. For example, I’ve always loved the concept artist Lownine-san’s work ever since I was a student. I suppose you could say I was jealous of how high quality their artwork is… They’re someone who I thought I'd never be able to beat in my entire life. Lownine-san is an amazing artist who is especially good at blending characters into their backgrounds.

When we were creating Jack Jeanne, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to pull something like that off, so I definitely wanted to recruit Lownine-san for the job. After getting permission from Broccoli, I reached out to Lownine-san myself through Twitter DM’s. I had only appreciated Lownine-san’s work from afar, and we’d never actually interacted before, but we did both follow each other. I received a reply that Lownine-san was fully on board to accept the job.

Towards the end of Jack Jeanne’s development, I got the chance to speak with Lownine-san, so I asked them “Could you teach me how to draw?” They gladly accepted this request and taught me how to draw whilst screen sharing over Skype. However, in about 10 minutes, they’d already drawn such an amazing piece that I felt I should just put my pen down (lol).

Towada: You were a little down after that, weren’t you?

—Had you been a fan of Kosemura-san, who was in charge of music, since you were a student as well?

Ishida: Yes, I’ve listened to Kosemura-san’s music a lot since I was a student. When I was brainstorming what kind of music would fit Jack Jeanne, Kosemura-san’s ‘Light Dance’ immediately came to mind, since it fit perfectly. Because I didn’t have any personal connections to Kosemura-san however, I didn’t know how to get in contact with him, so I made the request through Broccoli. I only found out about this recently, but apparently Kosemura-san almost turned the offer down*, I was quite shocked to hear that (lol).

*When the initial request was sent, it was under wraps that the game was being made by Ishida Sui, and since Kosemura-san didn’t have much experience in writing game music, he wasn’t optimistic about the offer. However, later, when he learned that it was a game being made by Ishida Sui, he readily accepted the offer.

—How did Seishiro-san, who was in charge of the choreography, get chosen for the job?

Ishida: A very long time ago I saw the group Tokyo Gegegay appear on a program called DANCE @ HERO JAPAN and I remember thinking ‘this group is crazy good’ and I was immediately charmed by them. After that, whilst I was looking through more videos of Tokyo Gegegay on YouTube, I happened upon a studio workshop video and discovered Seishiro-san.

—What about him caught your eye?

Ishida: Whilst first and foremost his dancing was super sexy, it also had a certain strength to it. I remember thinking that he danced in a way that embraced the best elements of both masculinity and femininity. And that had stayed in my memory ever since. When Seishiro-san was recording motion capture for the game, he allowed me to interrupt and even taught me some of the choreography.

(note: you can watch Seishiro dance here, he is also the choreographer behind this RADWIMPS music video!)

—I hear you’ve known Gyudon-san, who was in charge of making the movies, since your Tokyo Ghoul days.

Ishida: Yes. Around the time volume 13 of Tokyo Ghoul was set to be released, we held a still image MAD (Music Anime Douga) contest. The grand prize winner of said contest was Gyudon-san, who at the time was still only a student. The way they made a video by manipulating the manga panels to move so fluidly was really cool and stood out from the rest.

Around when Tokyo Ghoul had ended and :re was about to start, I had Gyudon-san make a minute long video for me. After that, Gyudon-san grew in popularity and became someone whose work is in high demand, so they seemed very busy.

However when Jack Jeanne was announced, we were able to have them create a promotional video for us. Since I’ve known them since Tokyo Ghoul, I figured I couldn’t go wrong entrusting the job to Gyudon-san. They didn’t just deliver their finished work without a word either, Gyudon-san also made a variety of suggestions and worked on the project with a positive attitude. For the videos used in the performances, I was asked to provide materials and became very involved in the process. I think it took about two weeks… Despite the really tight deadline, Gyudon-san allowed me to catch up and was super helpful.

I was also the one who reached out to Touyama Maki-san, who was in charge of creating the in-game chibi characters and the 4koma manga used for promotional purposes. During Tokyo Ghoul’s publication, Touyama-san would draw short comics for the series as a hobby, I thought they were a nice person for doing so. Their art was great too and I was very thankful. So when it was decided that we’d be displaying chibi characters during the game’s lesson segments, I wanted to leave it to Touyama-san and sent them the offer.

(note: this is the MAD that gyudon won the contest with, they now regularly make moving manga CM's for jump titles, they make the Choujin X ones too!)

~ ~ ~

The winter performance moves into Quartz’s ending, and the divergence in the story since the beginning of the year drastically branches off

—The performances, packed full of each of the character’s skills, continue for a year and pass by in the blink of an eye. Once the new year breaks, it feels as though the atmosphere of the game drastically changes. What were your intentions behind this?

Towada: That’s when the character route specific endings begin. So we packed all the needed material to set them up into the winter performance.

Ishida: The winter performance is like an ending for Quartz as a whole, so we packed it full of good lines and scenes without holding back. I may have used up all of my cards but by using them all without compromise, we were able to make the story reach a nice peak. After that, the story switches to focusing on each character's individual ending.

Towada: We used a lot of great material in the winter performance, which meant the final performance would have to be even better still. In a good way, it gave us a higher hurdle that we now needed to overcome.

—So you needed to create even more anticipation heading into March?

Towada: From January to March, each character’s route is completely different. From the new year onwards I needed to create seven different scripts, so it was very challenging. The amount of text for the last three months of the game alone just about eclipses the amount of text from up until the winter performance. There was so much to write that I began to fear I wouldn’t even be able to finish it.

Ishida: Having more choices that drastically change the ending of the game makes the player feel more involved. So, despite it making things tougher on ourselves, around the time we were working on the autumn performance is when we began thinking about how the game’s big branches should work. Along with the main routes, we also planned for there to be the option to deepen your bonds with the side characters.

—How did you go about creating the confession scenes?

Towada: Before the winter performance, to some extent each character has already grown closer to Kisa, so I kept in mind not to disrupt that flow. Since if I didn’t make it a confession that respected both Kisa and her suitor’s feelings, then I felt it would spoil the fun.

—Is that how you approached the ‘realising Kisa’s a girl’ scenes as well?

Towada: Yes, I suppose so. As I was writing the script, I knew that a point was going to come where Kisa would have no choice but to acknowledge the fact that she’s a girl. There’s characters that realise her true gender once their bond deepens and on the flip side, there are some who don’t realise it at all. There’s also the case of Yonaga, who knew Kisa’s situation from the beginning. I guess you could say each reveal followed one of these three patterns. Those who came to realise it, those who didn’t notice anything and those who knew from the start. I think they ended up being nice variations and I put careful consideration into writing them to make sure none of the realisations felt forced.

Also, the beginning half of the story is akin to that of a sports drama about teenagers putting on shows together, so the room for romance to be added is limited. That’s why, when I first started adding romantic elements to the character routes, it felt strange to me, so I discussed it with Ishida-san. I wasn’t able to effortlessly soak the story in romance. I think I had to rewrite Shirota’s ending at least three times…

Ishida: Shirota was who you tried writing an ending for first after all.

Towada: Shirota and Kisa aren’t the sort of people who’d be all flirty, and Shirota’s initial route was already muddy, so it was difficult to pull everything together. However, once I stopped trying to write in a way that forced romance on them and instead wrote them becoming closer as partners, things went more smoothly.

It may not be a stereotypical sort of love, but it was a human love. I thought that the natural way these two would be drawn together wouldn’t be through whispering sweet nothings to one another, but instead by coming to understand one another without having to exchange words at all. Once I’d completed Shirota’s route, to some extent, I continued writing the other routes in a similar way.

Ishida: While it’s true Shirota acts like that, the other characters all act differently. To the point some aren’t even comparable. In contrast to Shirota, Suzu’s route ended up being more of your stereotypical kind of romance. I thought that it would be nice for each character to have their own unique form of love.

Towada-san’s strong suit is writing a love story with your more classic otome guys like Suzu and Kai. I have no idea about that kind of thing, so I left Towada-san to pour her own ideas into their routes. On the flip side, characters like Fumi and Neji were dyed more with my own ideas. Neji’s way of flirting especially were mostly lines that I requested.

Towada: He’d say “Make him say something like ‘Try seduce me!’ Because I want this CG to appear.” (lol).

Neji especially plays with his words a lot, so unless Ishida-san told me what wordplay to write, I wouldn’t have been able to expand on it. Ishida-san has a very unique way of phrasing things, so I asked him for advice a lot to make sure I was making Neji speak in a Neji-like way. I then arranged the lines and created events in order to reach the intended goal. I constructed the route in a way that wouldn’t disrupt the flow of the story. As for Fumi, Ishida-san wrote his route himself.

Ishida: Yes, I wrote it all myself.

—Well isn’t this quite the exciting plot twist?

Ishida: I turned into quite the young maiden myself (lol). Even though I’m clumsy at it… I began wondering why I ended up loving writing it so much. I added some lines that have more of an adult and deeper meaning to them, so when I played the route myself I was like “Woah!”.

Towada: It’s more interesting if at least one character is that way. From the early days of production, I’d quietly wanted Ishida-san to write a character himself, so I was happy. I was unsure how to deal with Fumi too, so it was a big help that Ishida-san took him on. His route ended up being a lot sweeter than I’d been expecting though, it got my heart racing (lol).

Ishida: I was also the main writer for Kisa’s solo route. There’s no romance in it, but it’s an ending where long lasting friendships are born and it ended up being the kind of story you’d see in an uplifting shoujo manga.

Towada: It’s full of Ishida-san’s flair, I loved it.

Ishida: If love is a lie, then how do you face that lie? That’s the sort of thing I thought about. Kisa is lying about her gender and pretending to be a boy, but Neji, Suzu, Fumi, Yonaga and so on, are also hiding lies within themselves.

The fact they’re all hiding their true motives is something that they have in common with Kisa. Whilst hiding, the two grow closer. I think that a confession is a scene where all these lies intersect and burst open. Everyone is lying, and I thought that was like a play, without realising it I think that slowly became the theme of the work.

As people, we meet others whilst lacking something and some people end up becoming a necessary part for someone else. I wanted to see a drama like that. Despite it being a game with confession scenes, I wanted it to be a story that both women and men alike are able to identify with.

~ ~ ~

From thorns to rounded edges, how the style of work transformed

—If there was a small novels worth of rejected material, then how many books worth of words made it into the final game?

Towada: In terms of paperback books, probably about twenty volumes worth.

—Because as well as the main scenario, there’s also the sub scenarios and the stage plays?

Ishida: As much as time allowed, I put my all into creating the game. However there was a deadline for things like the voiceline recordings, so I was working both day and night to get things done in time.

Towada: I was only getting around three hours of sleep. I feel like at one point Ishida-san didn’t sleep for four days.

Ishida: I was in a serious pinch so I don’t remember it well, but when I was writing the script I would hole myself up in a manga cafe for around thirty hours at a time. Multiple times a month. Once I felt as though I’d written to a good point, I’d go home only to return to the manga cafe again. Why? Because I was sleeping in the manga cafe. I mays well have been living there…

Towada: Once Ishida-san had finished writing his part of the script, he’d have me check it. So at the same time, I’d have Ishida-san check what I’d written.

Ishida: For a period of time it seemed like Towada-san was always awake. Whenever I would send a check request she always responded right away regardless of the time, so I figured she must not be sleeping.

So that my productivity wouldn’t be affected, I made sure to sleep at a regular time, however I’d be awake for like 30~40 hours at a time and then sleep for 10 and then be awake again for another 40. My sleeping patterns would repeat in this cycle. During Tokyo Ghoul’s serialisation my sleeping patterns were similar, so to some extent I might’ve gotten used to it.

—That’s just like Neji-senpai, isn’t it?

Ishida: Yeah yeah, I worked in a similar way to him. However in Neji’s case, he can complete a script just one day after coming up with the idea for it, so he works way faster than us. It took us around two months to write parts of the script, so Neji really is a genius isn’t he? I was writing whilst wishing I could be like Neji.

After experiencing writing a script, I’ve come to have a lot of respect for authors. Writing is completely different from drawing. When writing I need to really concentrate on it, I can’t multi-task or think about anything else. Whereas with drawing, there are some things that can be done as long as you can move your hand, so I can talk to someone whilst drawing or watch a movie in the background or work whilst thinking about other things. I can’t do that when I’m writing though, I was starting to wonder if I really had to think so deeply about everything I wrote.

—During the production of Jack Jeanne, as you worked on the script or the lyrics etc, did you notice any changes in how you worked?

Ishida: For Tokyo Ghoul, I was always consciously adding things, meaning I would draw everything that I came up with. I thought that it was fine to only put 20% of my output into the characters and dialogue. However, when I was working on Jack Jeanne, I began to think that my method of just adding things was incorrect and that I should also consciously remove things. It’s ok to just be left with what’s necessary. My way of thinking ended up being the exact opposite to before.

—What brought about this change in thinking?

Ishida: It was early in production, when I had asked Towada-san to write Shirota’s route for me, I got concerned about the ‘sharpness’ of the story. As I mentioned earlier, I ordered Towada-san to add this and that and sent her walking on a long journey. Except, what lay completed at the end of that road was such a painful story that even I myself was shocked by it. When I looked down at the world I had created it was as if I’d received a psychological shock. I think I even smelt the faint scent of blood.

—From thorns to rounded edges. I still remember the comment you made during a press conference saying, “I was careful to not kill off any characters”.

Ishida: Stories where characters die are usually fast paced with high stakes, however, the kids at univeil are living a different kind of story. I had to consider the best way to create drama in that kind of setting. I thought about it a lot and it may have only ended up being possible because of the fact it was a game.

—Why is that?

Ishida: Because of the flow of the dialogue, backed by Kosemura-san’s music while it's being read out by all of the voice actors. It all comes together as one… That’s what I think at least. Writing and illustrating are Towada-san and I’s main domain of expertise, but I think that it was thanks to all of the other various creators involved that we were able to create something new.

—Do you think anything about yourself changed, Towada-san?

Towada: It came down to the fact I wanted to create something for Ishida-san whilst there were also things that I wanted to add myself. This dilemma caused me trouble at times, however when I started to consider what components I should add, or which ones I should remove, I began to discover what elements I liked and what my own skillset was.

The way that Ishida-san and I go about creating stories is different. I came to understand that Ishida-san’s strong point is creating impactful scenes, whilst mine is plotting and world building. Ishida-san being in charge of the pivotal scenes would make things more exciting, so I concentrated on writing everything else whilst keeping the balance in mind. Through working on Jack Jeanne, I’ve become able to say that my strong suit is being able to create a story that flows well.

It may be true that by working with other people, you come to understand more about yourself. Starting with Ishida-san, I also looked at what the other creators were doing and thought ‘so this is how they interpret the story.’ Seeing what they came up with made me notice different approaches that I hadn’t thought of.

I’d write whilst listening to Kosemura-san’s music and decide which way to take a scene. Or I’d watch Seishiro-san dance and think about how I could make the performances more exciting. We were all connected in some way. Novels are usually written alone by one person, so I came to learn the thrill of working on something in a team.

—The way you all came together as gears to create a single work sounds similar to the story of Univeil.

Towada: True. I never thought I’d experience something straight out of my youth again at this age. Being helped by other team members or being supported by them, being motivated by simple phrases like “It was great” or “I like this idea”.

For example, when I was working on the final phases of the story, I was just writing and writing with no end in sight, I couldn’t take it anymore and my pen just stopped moving. During this dire moment so close to the end, my proofreader messaged me saying, “You’re almost done.” And with that simple message alone, it was as if a burst of light appeared before my eyes. Everything had gone pitch black, but they lit everything back up again. Ishida-san also wrote some of the script, so I didn’t feel as alone.

Ishida: At that time I left all my drawings alone and decided to solely focus on the scenario.

Towada: Yeah, because I hit a point where I wasn’t able to write it on my own anymore… When Ishida-san sent me the script he’d written, it was interesting and I let out a breath of relief. I felt the joy of being able to see someone else's work. I was the same as the Univeil students who find joy in performing with others. I definitely wouldn’t have been able to do it if I was alone.

Ishida: You’ve got that right. I think that if anyone was missing from the team, it wouldn’t have worked out. Not to mention that in my case, everyone’s contributions were directed to me, and they were all people that I’d personally gathered.

With manga, even if it comes to the worst case scenario, at the very least it would all just fall on me. However this game isn’t just something I made on my own, I need to contribute as much as I can or the efforts of everyone around me will go to waste as well. There was a moment where I felt afraid of having such a heavy responsibility placed on me. However, if I had tried to do it all on my own, I think I would have given up.

By listening to wonderful music, reading interesting scripts and moving forward together with everyone, I was inspired. Coming together with fellow creators to make one work came with a lot of challenges, but it was fun. It was refreshing being in an environment working alongside other people, and because of it I was able to experience something new.

—Has working alongside other people changed the way you work at all?

Ishida: Right now I’m still in the state immediately after being swept away by the raging waves of a storm, so I’m not sure how I really feel yet. I’m in the phase of just watching what becomes of Jack Jeanne as the waves subside.

Even though the script and illustrations were done, like bonus stages lots and lots of new tasks kept popping up. So I was still busy with work up until the beginning of October last year. When I looked at some of the thoughts people had on the demo version of the game, it felt as though what we’d all been working so hard on had finally taken shape, and I was relieved.

Working on this project I’ve come to learn both the hardships and the fulfilment that comes with creating something with others. So, I suppose I’ve started considering working on something by myself again… I’m not trying to say that it’s in my nature to want to work alone, I think I’m just experiencing some kind of aftershock. I think the waves are returning.

Towada: I’m still working overtime and supervising Jack Jeanne (lol). Like checking content that will be posted on social media, as well as the 4koma manga. Content is still being released and there have been bug reports from some people who played the demo… Meaning that my journey is still not over yet. I think that things should calm down once the game has been released for a while.

Ishida: Yeah, probably after around five months (lol).

—After their final performance, the members of Quartz all threw a party to celebrate. Did you and the rest of the creators do the same upon the game's completion?

Towada: I celebrated with Ishida-san as siblings. And then afterwards we got swamped with work again (lol).

Ishida: Yeah, we didn’t end up meeting with the other developers or the voice cast. Big project after parties aren’t as common these days, but I do want to hear everyone’s stories of any struggles they had.

Towada: There were way too many people involved in total for me to be able to speak with them all, but I’d still love to convey my impressions to them. Like letting them know what I thought was good, or letting them know that a certain thing really helped me out.

Ishida: Ideally I would like to gather everyone and really have it feel that ‘this is the team of people that created Jack Jeanne’ and I’d like to express my gratitude to them all in person. I hope that an opportunity like that will come one day.

~ ~ ~

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