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thegreencooler · 10 months

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Amends

I don't usually dip my toe in the drama pool. At least not too deeply. But what's going on in fandom this week, the revelations, were extreme. The people who have come forward... they were in a cult. I am not being overdramatic about this. Gamifying harassment, forcing disconnections like Scientology, needing everyone to observe the same talking points or risk ostracism, leadership using it for money, criminal behavior towards those The Guru has deemed the Out-Group including members who don't conform heavily enough... That's a cult. The internet has made cult behavior REALLY easy. Likes and engagement make you suddenly aware of which direction your circle is leaning. If you agree, YOU TOO GET POINTS. You too will experience that sense of belonging, and that's what it's all about. So if your circle is being outright mean... if you don't want to be cast off as "not one of them"... maybe you say the mean thing too, even if it's a lie, even if you're not really sure why you're saying it. That approval feels SUPER GOOD and is addictive. And your circle amps each other up, gets meaner and meaner. The only people who stay in the in-group are those who don't speak up about the bad behavior and are willing to keep going along with it. Those aren't friendships. It's a pack of hungry carnivores. It's the same behaviors police gangs use on cops who speak up. I do have some sympathy, especially for the younger people who were still forming their identities. They were victims of indoctrination and criminal harassment. That said, they have to own their own behavior. I hope they learn and grow. They're going to have to have some self-reflection on what they've done, the lies told, the hate, the virulent -isms that were expressed, and literal crimes that were performed in the name of fitting in and winning some points with the clique. They're also going to have to reassess who their out-group is, why they even NEED an out-group over fandom things, and if there are still people in their schema who they have an impulse to hate for no reason.... because of a ship or actor preference. They're going to have to question all the lies they were told and if they are still holding onto hate based on that. That's hard if they aren't even sure what the lies were. It's going to be a process for them. We should give people the space and grace to get better. To deprogram themselves. But this does not mean there needs to be automatic forgiveness. Nobody needs to like anyone. But nobody needs to hate anyone either. Maybe the middle ground is we can grow some indifference or the ability to say, "I'm letting it go, this person is in progress, I can't control their journey, the ball is in their court."

If you were behaving badly, you've earned the suspicion of the people you hurt. A few of you are expressing amends, which is wonderful. But part of the thing with making amends is that you don't get to control the outcome. You make a genuine apology for EXACTLY what you've done, you own your part in it, and you don't make excuses... and from there, people may accept what you've said and they may not. They may forgive you immediately, they may take time, they may never forgive you. You have to learn to be good with that. It can be uncomfortable, to feel disliked, ESPECIALLY if the reason you got into the cult was because of that sense of belonging. Your impulse may be to keep giving explanations of how the group influenced you, to distance yourself. You may tell yourself, "I'm not that person, this isn't really me, it was the group." You want to be seen as CHANGED - virginal and new because you made the hard choice to finally leave the cult. ...It isn't that easy. You want the space and grace and you should get that. But guess what? You need to give that to others, too. You need to understand that people have real reasons to distrust you if you were exhibiting cruelty. And part of doing the work to make amends is the actual work. If you're serious about it, it means a lot of difficult self-reflection. You need to take an unflinching look at WHY you could ignore or participate in racism and lord knows plenty of other -isms, why outright defamation and death threats to actors and other fans were okay, why doxing people and trying to get them fired was seen as fair game, why trying to make someone feel hated and terrible about themselves was your impulse, why you were giggling and congratulating yourself for leaning into your worst impulses...until the group turned on you. Because that's the truth of the situation. You now have that self-knowledge of what you're willing to participate in. The question now is what are you going to do with that? I hope it includes therapy and I don't mean that glibly. I think it's possible there are some internet addictions going on where people crave the rush of getting Likes and engagement... and ragefarming is the best way to get engagement. If that's true... it will be EXTREMELY easy to move from the space of performing FOR the cult to performing AGAINST them, so that you can maintain your hit of Likes. And that is just sitting in the same behaviors. But if you're serious about getting better, if you're serious about being honest with yourself, you're going to need to fight against those inclinations. Please ask yourselves if you truly feel your apologies and want to change...or if maybe some part of you is just posting your attempt at amends because you want to fit in with those leaving or because you're craving that approval. Leaving is great! But are you getting the same psychological hit from your posts now? Are you trying to collect a new group that will lovebomb you because you're seeking self-esteem and miss the people who used to give it to you? I'm not saying this in judgment, I'm saying it because many people go from one cult or MLM to another, seeking that same sense of belonging. That's not my wish for you.

To the people on the other side of this... I'm not saying not to speak up if you see people slipping or people whose apologies are revealed as false words. I'm not trying to tone police people getting angry. There have been real reasons to be angry. HOWEVER... please be aware that if we want people to actually learn and grow we need to give them room to do that. There's nothing wrong with a really direct "This is really shitty and unkind behavior." Going scorched earth every time isn't the way. Is it our responsibility to motivate them to change, is it on us? Absolutely not. But are our actions going to unintentionally make them more likely to try and find a gang again because they're feeling defensive? If we also truly want to make things better, we have to ask ourselves what our goal is. Do we just want to give a tongue-lashing because we're angry? We might. And that can be justified sometimes in life. But cornered people don't often make great decisions. If what we want out of this is for people to be less terrible - there are ways to call people in and out, firmly and not sugarcoated, while still not going on the attack.

To the people who finally spoke up, you should be proud of yourselves for that. You took the first step. I hope you keep walking forward.

If you actually read to here... holy crap, I apologize. Many, many words, but I wanted to put them all down somewhere instead of continuing to overthink it at 3:30am. I do want to say... this is just my perspective. If it came off as trying to tell you how to do or feel, or like I think I'm perfect? Nah, kids. I'm a fallible screw-up, too, who is often "cringe," as the children say. We can all work on ourselves. At least that's the hope. If we're open to it.

Anyway. Love y'all, TGC

#supernatural #destiel #cult #spnfamily

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msclaritea · 3 months

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Growing Up In Scientology with Aaron, featuring:

1. LAPD OFFICER ADMITS THAT CALLS FROM SCIENTOLOGY ARE PRIORITIZED

2. Aaron Interviews Relatable Reese From Clearwater, Florida

3. Judge's Warning To David Miscavige ft Zac Morgan

4. GRANT CARD ONE'S SCAM EXPOSED WITH BENJAMIN JOHN

5. Relatable Reese Speaks with Clearwater George

#1. LAPD OFFICER ADMITS THAT CALLS FROM SCIENTOLOGY ARE PRIORITIZED #2. Aaron Interviews Relatable Reese From Clearwater #Florida #3. Judge's Warning To David Miscavige ft Zac Morgan #4. GRANT CARD ONE'S SCAM EXPOSED WITH BENJAMIN JOHN #GROWING UP IN SCIENTOLOGY #Clearwater Florida #Los Angeles California #5. Relatable Reese Speaks with Clearwater George

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oliverreedmasterass · 6 months

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Starcatchers 1x3 - Meeting the Master

Synopsis: After an incident involving Jake's amp, he's determined to win the cash to buy a replacement. Meanwhile, Josh and Danny choreograph a dance for a music video and Sam's clumsiness makes him see red.

Words: 5.9k

Warnings: violence against amps and nice video cameras, groin injury, Satan

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Jake, Josh, Sam, and Danny are sitting on the couch in Sam’s living room. Josh has the remote and is scrolling through the options on Netflix so fast, there’s no way he’s registering what he’s passing on. Beside him, Jake, Danny, and Sam are staring at him with growing frustration.

SAM: Are you gonna choose anything this century or would I be better off walking in circles in the backyard for the evening?

JOSH: Just, hold on, I haven’t seen anything that stands out yet.

DANNY: You literally skipped Happy Gilmore. What’s wrong with you?

JOSH: (under his breath) That’s not cinema.

JAKE: If you don’t choose something in the next ten seconds, I’m putting on Pirates of the Caribbean.

JOSH: (scrolling more frantically) No!

Josh panics and selects Saturday Night Fever.

SAM: (incredulously) The disco movie?!

JOSH: It’s got a good soundtrack?

Jake huffs and leaves the room as the movie starts. After the opening credits are done, he comes back with his guitar and a comically large amp. While Josh is trying to get into the movie, Danny and Sam watch Jake struggle to plug his guitar in, and then settle back into his seat. Jake begins playing the Buddy Holly riff over every line of dialogue. While Sam finds this to be hilarious, Danny is into the film alongside Josh, and glares at Jake.

DANNY: That’s not funny.

Jake looks at Danny for a long pause, not blinking, and then responds with the Buddy Holly riff.

From an exterior shot of Sam’s house, Jake’s amp is thrown through the window.

Starcatchers Theme/Opening Titles

[acoustic theme song with a harmonica]

From the fires we emerged anew,

Singing, playing rock and roll,

Reviving a genre just for you.

Across the globe we traveled far

Recruiting an army of peace,

Enchanting crowds with our guitar.

A battle ensued at the Gardens Gate

And we preserved the gift of nature,

Standing up against a culture of hate.

We are the Starcatchers, reaching for the sky,

Discovering words of wisdom to live by.

We deliver a message from the heavens above:

Live your legend through the intelligence of love.

[end theme]

Jake, Danny, Josh, and Sam are driving to the set of their upcoming music video for Meeting the Master.

JAKE: (to Danny) You owe me a new amp.

DANNY: You owe John Travolta an apology.

JAKE: I don’t owe that scientology freak anything.

DANNY: I could hardly watch the movie, you were complaining so much.

JAKE: I think I had the right to complain after you threw my best amp out the window.

Danny tsks and shakes his head like he can’t believe Jake would even offer that as a rebuttal. Josh tries to step in to smooth things over.

JOSH: Even if you didn’t catch most of the dialogue, at least you saw the sick dancing, right?

DANNY: Oh, absolutely. I’ve actually been thinking about it a lot since last night.

JOSH and DANNY: (at the same time) We should have a dance number in our music video.

Josh and Danny gape at each other.

JOSH and DANNY: Jinx!

SAM: Absolutely not.

JAKE: I’d rather you chuck me out the window with my poor, broken amp.

JOSH: Just picture it though, we build up the dramatic tension and then, once the song crescendos, we tell the story with our bodies in front of a massive bonfire. It’s exactly what the music is begging us to do.

DANNY: I do think that adding a dance would enhance the message of our song.

SAM: I think you just want to see if you can move like Tony Manero.

DANNY: So what if I do?

JOSH: (starting to eagerly plan) We’ll work on the choreog once we get there.

DANNY: Choreog?

JOSH: Yeah, you know, the dance routine and all.

DANNY: Choreography?

JOSH: I think choreog sounds cool.

DANNY: It really doesn’t.

JAKE: You guys have fun with that. Since Danny is refusing to pay me back for my private property that he decided to destroy, I’m determined to earn the money back to buy a replacement amp.

DANNY: You have enough money in your bank account to just go out and get a new one, Jake.

JAKE: It’s about the principle, Daniel. I’m not paying for something that wasn’t my fault out of pocket.

SAM: I would argue that it was your fault.

JAKE: (growling to Sam) Watch it. (to the rest of the car) I’m gonna win a radio show contest.

JOSH: There’s got to be a better way.

JAKE: Nope. This is the only way. I know for a fact that I’m gonna be caller ten somewhere.

DANNY: Do radio shows even have the money to do contests like that anymore?

Jake reaches over and turns up the volume on the radio. A super cheesy DJ voice comes on.

DJ: Hey Miss Independent, you wanna Breakaway? In honor of the queen, Kelly Clarkson’s birthday, we’re giving out a big old bucket of presidents to our tenth caller! Ring me up (857)349-2983, tell me your favorite Kelly Clarkson song, and the money’s yours.

Jake fumbles with his phone.

JAKE: Drats! What was the number again?

SAM: 867-5309

Jake starts to type the number in and then stops.

JAKE: (to Sam) [expletive censored with the Buddy Holly riff].

JOSH: You don’t even like Kelly Clarkson, Jake.

Jake goes to the radio show’s website, finds the phone number, and eventually manages to call it. The rest of the car is fixated on him. Jake starts making clacking noises with his tongue while he waits for someone to pick up.

JAKE: (excited) Hello? Wha- oh.

DANNY: What happened?

JAKE: They hung up on me.

Sam turns the volume back up on the car stereo from his steering wheel.

DJ: Congratulations to our tenth caller! What’s your name, and what’s your favorite Kelly Clarkson song?

CALLER: Uh, my name is Dave. I don’t actually know who Kelly Clarkson is, I just need the money to flee the country. I’ve been on the run from the IRS since 2007.

DJ: (cutting the caller off) Okay, buddy! Good on ya!

JAKE: (throwing his hands up) Unbelievable! This is rigged! How was I not the tenth caller? Who calls into these things anyways?

SAM: You and Dave.

Jake groans loudly. Sam pulls into the parking lot of the Tennessee State National Park and kills the engine. While they unbuckle their seatbelts, Jake holds his hand out to everyone in the car.

JAKE: Give me your phones.

DANNY: No.

JAKE: (to Danny) You especially.

JOSH: Just, give it to him, Danny. This isn’t a battle you want to fight.

JAKE: (nodding his head) I’ll hide in your walls if you don’t.

DANNY: Are you gonna do anything else, or are you just gonna hang out there?

Jake doesn’t know how to respond to this, but he doesn’t have to since Danny gives in and hands him his phone. Sam and Josh follow suit.

JAKE: Now I just need six more cell phones and I can hack this thing.

Jake takes off for the trailers where they’re supposed to get their hair and makeup done. Sam sighs and shakes his head, following behind Jake, leaving Danny and Josh.

DANNY: We have about forty-five minutes until we have to get dressed.

JOSH: That’s plenty of time to get our choreog worked out.

DANNY: I really wish you would stop calling it that.

JOSH: Would chor-ee be better?

Danny sighs and shakes his head.

On the set of their music video, Sam wanders around the large cameras and lighting equipment. He has his own personal film camera around his neck and starts taking photos of the cameras.

SAM: (chuckling to himself) Heh. Camera-ception.

Sam leans in close to a gigantic camera and attempts to take a selfie of it with his film camera. The flash goes off, temporarily blinding Sam, and he stumbles around, knocking into the camera. He watches in horror as the camera topples over in slow motion and shatters on the ground. How a camera managed to get that damaged in grass is a mystery, but it unfortunately happened.

SAM: Oh [expletive censored with the Buddy Holly riff]!

Sam snaps his head around in a panic and notes that no one was around to see his accident. He takes a few deep breaths to calm himself, and then spots a large branch a few yards away. He grabs it and places it over the broken camera to make it seem like the branch was what caused the damage, even though there are no trees anywhere close by. Once he’s satisfied with his work, he sprints away, waving his hands up in the air in a silent panic, back towards the trailers.

Jake is sitting in the trailer, surrounded by about twenty five cell phones. Sam can be seen running with his arms flailing around in the background through the window of the trailer. Jake listens intently to a handheld radio that’s set on the table in front of him as a different DJ talks.

DJ: On this two for Tuesday, I’m giving out two Ks to the 22nd lucky caller!

Jake hovers over his phone, waiting for the phone number.

DJ: I’ll be waiting at (483) 273-8273.

Jake dials the number at the speed of light, his pupils dilated to the point where he looks like he could be possessed by a demon. He holds his phone up to his ear with his shoulder and begins dialing the same number into every other phone around him, putting each of them on speaker phone. While a symphony of phones ring, Jake waits. The DJ speaks over the phones.

DJ: And we have our winner! Congratulations, what’s your name?

CALLER: Jennifer.

DJ: You get a buttload of money that you can use to pay for anything you want, like a new amp to replace your broken one!

CALLER: Woohoo!

JAKE: YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!

Jake’s shouts ring through the park. They can still be heard in the distance from the parking lot, where Josh and Danny are covered in sweat. Danny is doing a pelvic thrust move while Josh busts out a two step that would make Fred Astaire cry.

JOSH: I think I’ve got it!

Danny stops his subpar dancing to watch Josh’s feet shuffling.

DANNY: You look like you could be a part of LMFAO.

JOSH: That was not what I was going for.

DANNY: Thank god.

JOSH: What do we have so far?

DANNY: Well, at the line, “And I’m taken, by the madness,” we do a spin and a half with our arms held in tight and then do some hand waving in front of our face.

Josh mimes what Danny just described while humming the tune to himself. Danny watches him go and looks to be thinking hard.

JOSH: Like that?

DANNY: I hate it.

JOSH: (growing frustrated) Most of that was your idea!

DANNY: It’s just missing something, I don’t know.

JOSH: More hip thrusts?

DANNY: Yeah, maybe.

Josh starts to sing the line, “And I’m taken, by the madness” again while Danny embodies Tony Manero’s hypnotizing disco hip thrusts. With joy, Josh starts to join Danny. It looks like they’ve finally singled in on something right.

JOSH: Oh yeah!

Sam rushes into Jake’s trailer to find Jake holding his head in his hands following his second failure at winning a radio contest.

SAM: Oh no, oh no no no no.

Jake peeks through his hands up at Sam.

JAKE: (mumbling) I’ll be okay, I’m just feeling a little bit dejected right now.

SAM: No, oh no as in I just completely obliterated one of the nice cameras on set.

JAKE: (still into his hands) How did you manage to pull that off?

SAM: The world is against me.

Jake nods like he understands where Sam is coming from.

SAM: (continuing) I planted a tree branch over the wreckage so it looks like I didn’t do it. But, Jake, I feel so bad.

Jake doesn’t say anything. It’s unclear if he simply doesn’t care, or if he doesn't know what to say in return. Sam looks around the trailer and then lets out a short gasp. Standing in the corner of the trailer, checking out the mini fridge is a man in all red who can only be assumed to be Satan. Satan turns around at the sound of Sam’s gasp, holding onto a carton of 66% milk and takes a long chug. He then wipes his mouth and gives Sam a toothy grin.

SATAN: Been naughty lately, Samuel?

SAM: Psh? What? No.

JAKE: (looking around) Who are you talking to?

SATAN: (continuing) You really think you can hide from what you did?

SAM: (to Satan) The tree branch did it, not me.

JAKE: You’re starting to freak me out, Sam.

SATAN: We both know that’s an awful cover up. Your fingerprints are all over that broken camera.

SAM: (realizing Satan is right) Oh [expletive censored with the Buddy Holly riff]!

Sam books it out of the trailer, determined to cover his tracks before someone finds the camera. Jake watches him go with a frown.

JAKE: I should probably tell Josh that Sam is talking to the shadow people again.

Jake looks like he might actually leave his trailer and fleet of phones behind to find Josh, but the DJ’s voice on the radio reminds him of his ultimate mission.

DJ: You thought I was done handing out free cash that may or may not be super taxed after you get it? No way! Be the sixty-ninth caller, and I’ll send you a check that will make you piss your pants!

Jake goes back to dialing on all the phones.

JAKE: (to himself) C’mon, baby.

The phones ring and beep in an upbeat tempo. The sounds transform into a disco version of Meeting the Master which plays in the parking lot where Josh and Danny are practicing. Josh and Danny have somehow acquired bell bottoms and tight button up tops with impressive collars. The parking lot pavement lights up around them like a disco dancefloor as they practice their routine. Although it isn’t entirely coordinated yet, Josh and Danny dance like their lives depend on it, pointing in all directions with an added flair and wiggling their hips around. They even bust out the lawn mower and sprinkler.

The song fades out and Josh and Danny try to catch their breaths.

DANNY: (wiping sweat from his brow) That was magic.

Josh guzzles an entire yellow Gatorade, attempts to smash the plastic bottle against his forehead, gives up, and walks to a recycling can to toss it. He returns back to Danny’s side.

JOSH: I’m telling you, it all lives in the pelvis.

DANNY: Do you think Jake and Sam are gonna get behind our routine?

Josh has to stand on his tip toes, but he places his hand on Danny’s shoulder.

JOSH: Trust me, once they see how cool we look, they’ll be begging to give it their all in front of the big and fancy cameras.

Back on set, Sam stops running towards the broken camera when he realizes the director has discovered the carnage.

DIRECTOR: The big and fancy camera!

Sam curses to himself and tries to slowly walk backwards towards the trailers. The director spots him and motions for Sam to join his side. Sam looks like he wants to book it.

SAM: (thinking aloud) If I run, that will make me look pretty guilty. But I might be able to run fast enough to the airport that I can catch a flight to Argentina without anyone stopping me. But I don’t know Spanish well enough to ask people what their vegan options are at restaurants. I don’t want to be that guy who goes into a country not knowing the language. Talk about embarrassing.

DIRECTOR: (breaking Sam out of his head) Sam! Someone absolutely obliterated this camera!

Sam starts to scream but then stops himself. Despite his panic, he pretends to act shocked. He’s a terrible actor.

SAM: Oh, man! That’s devastating! Are you sure someone did it? I mean, there’s a big branch on it.

DIRECTOR: There’s not a tree in sight. Unless the branch fell from the sky, I doubt it.

SAM: (changing his game plan) Well, then whoever did that is an absolute monster. I hope they rot.

The director stares at Sam oddly. Satan appears behind the director’s back and shakes his head at Sam

SATAN: You’re gonna be the one to rot, Samuel Francis Kiszka.

Sam chokes on another scream. Satan does a pirouette with a loud cackle and then disappears into a dramatic puff of smoke. Sam shakes his head and widens his eyes. He just had another hallucination.

DIRECTOR: Boy, you’re taking this harder than I am.

SAM: I just can’t help but think that whoever did that to your camera isn’t quite right in the head.

Sam has a large frown on his face.

You know who else has a large frown on his face? Jake. The poor guy hovers over his handheld radio, staring daggers into it with his phone ready in his hand. The camera zooms out to show that, with the exception of the director, Jake has squished every single crew member into the trailer to help him.

BOOM OPERATOR: How are we gonna know when to dial the number?

The Boom Operator holds the mic in front of Jake’s face, whacking him a few times. Jake sputters from the microphone and pushes it away before thinking twice and grabbing it back so he can speak directly into it.

JAKE: I’ll give you the sign.

PA: And what’s the sign?

JAKE: Trust me, you’ll know.

The radio starts to play sounds that are reminiscent of a Vegas slot machine. This immediately piques Jake’s interest and he shushes everyone so he can listen.

DJ: Have I got a treat for you today. Sitting right in front of me on my desk, I’ve got -

Jake is typing furiously away on his computer, searching for the radio show’s phone number. He finds it, lets out an excited cackle, and dials the phone number, hovering his thumb over the “call” button. Everyone else in the trailer is waiting, watching him with intensity while holding their own phones out.

DJ: Gimme a call at (384)392-2983.

JAKE: (shrill) AWWWOOOOOGA!

PA: What?

JAKE: (more shrill, motioning at the phones) AWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOGA!

PA: Huh?

JAKE: Call the number, numbnuts!

Everyone dials in and waits. The Assistant Director’s face brightens and she motions at her phone and gives Jake a big thumbs up. Jake crosses his arms over his chest and gives a satisfied smirk. He’s finally won.

Josh maintains a similar position in the parking lot as he watches Danny finalize their dance routine. Danny moves with a stunning grace as he goes through the motions, doing dazzling spins, foot work, and jumps. You can kind of get a sense of the story that he’s trying to tell with his body, and boy is it beautiful. Danny finishes and wipes some sweat from his brow while Josh showers him in applause.

JOSH: Absolutely stunning work, Daniel.

DANNY: (gasping) You think?

JOSH: Just one note.

DANNY: Of course.

JOSH: I think we need to do this move at some point.

Josh stands with his legs concerningly far apart and his knees bent, locks his fingers together and wiggles his arms in front of him, like a wave. Danny watches him with a blank face.

JOSH: (explaining while he’s still dancing) It symbolizes the tide turning.

DANNY: I’ll, uh, try to see where I can fit that one in.

JOSH: Preferably after Jake’s solo when he does the worm.

DANNY: I don’t remember agreeing to that part of the routine.

JOSH: When you see him do it, you’ll thank me.

DANNY: Uhhhh….

Sam makes similar grunting sounds to Danny, sitting on a log on set and staring blankly at the camera that the director is collecting from the ground and moving into a beautiful coffin. The director sniffs back tears and dabs at his eyes with a hankie. Sam looks to his left and sees Satan sitting next to him, cleaning under his long fingernails with a part of the broken camera.

SAM: Can you please leave me alone? The guilt is bad enough, I don’t need you around too.

SATAN: On the contrary. I think you need me around to remind you what an awful person you are. I mean, who takes a selfie with a camera?

SAM: What else are you gonna take a selfie with?

Satan does not look amused. Sam nervously chuckles.

SAM: So maybe you have a point. It wasn’t my finest moment, but it can’t be that bad, right?

SATAN: The owner of that camera sold his dead father’s car to buy it. It was the only way he could make it in this industry.

Sam clutches at his face and moans in despair.

SATAN: He kept that camera locked in a vault in his basement to make sure no one got their grimy hands on it. But the one time he left it for a second, you went and destroyed it.

SAM: You know, I am kinda surprised he’s not here with the director, doing whatever that is.

Sam motions at the director, who is playing a funeral song on a set of bagpipes over the coffin containing the camera parts.

Jump cut to the cameraman in Jake’s trailer, texting the director “I’ll be back on set in a sec to get the cameras set up. Guitarist dude for the band just won a radio contest - who does that anymore???”

Jake is clutching arms with the Assistant Director, jumping up and down and shouting with glee. The Assistant Director quickly stops jumping and holds a finger up to Jake, pointing at the phone. Jake immediately stops and watches the Assistant Director, soaking in his glory.

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: (on the phone) No way, that’s incredible! (to Jake) I’m gonna be on the radio in a second, turn it up.

Jake turns up the volume on the radio so everyone can listen.

DJ: Congratulations to our lucky caller! Who am I speaking with?

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: Seymour.

DJ: Well, Seymour -

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: (cutting the DJ off) Seymour Buttz.

DJ: Okay, Seymour Buttz, you’ve got yourself one hell of a prize!

JAKE: (leaning over the AD to call into the phone) What’s the prize?

The DJ laughs for an uncomfortably long amount of time on the other end of the line. Jake’s eye twitches.

Sam’s eye twitches as well as he sits with Satan on the log.

SAM: (thinking aloud) I need to get money pooled together to buy the poor guy a new camera, don’t I? I can’t run away from this for the rest of my life.

SATAN: You could steal the money.

SAM: I could steal the money. From Jake. He’s trying to win a radio contest.

Satan looks confused. Does anyone participate in radio contests anymore?? Sam ignores his look and hustles towards Jake’s trailer. On his way over, he runs into Josh and Danny, who are slurping down Gatorades to get their electrolytes.

JOSH: Oh, Sam! Just the person we wanted to see! We gotta teach you the choreog for the music video! I think Daniel and I have come up with something really special.

DANNY: It’s so good, we might even get invited to join Dancing With the Stars as guest judges.

SAM: You’re gonna have to put that on hold, I have something really important I need to work out with Jake. It’s literally a matter of life or death.

Danny snaps out of his euphoria from dancing.

DANNY: Wait. Sam, what did you do?

Sam is already gone. Danny grabs Josh and they hurry behind him. The three friends tear into Jake’s trailer to find him on the phone, the entire crew watching him as if they’re in a Renaissance painting.

JAKE: (into the phone) WHAT’S THE PRIZE, DJ BIG BREEZY?! LEGALLY YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHAT I WON!

DJ BIG BREEZY: Man, I think you’ve got a stick shoved up somewhere where the sun don’t shine. Maybe I’ll pass this off to the forty-third caller. You’re kinda stressing me out.

Jake sucks in a deep breath, holds it in his mouth with his cheeks puffed out, and then exhales. He looks a smidge calmer.

JAKE: Sorry, DJ Big Breezy. I’m just really excited. So, how many K’s are we talking here?

DJ BIG BREEZY: No K’s kid.

Jake’s face brightens.

JAKE: Mil?

DJ BIG BREEZY: Nil. You won two tickets to catch a special screening of Saturday Night Fever at the downtown AMC!

Jake hangs up the phone. His face progressively turns more red, to the point where he resembles Satan. Sam gapes at Jake with a look of distress on his face as well. He has nothing to steal from this poor man. Josh watches Jake with concern. Jake is going to blow at any second. Danny can’t help but let out a large laugh.

DANNY: Hah! Serves you right!

Jake glares at Danny, his face still red.

JAKE: This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

JOSH: Even worse than the time when you had to be Willy Wonka in the school play because I got sick?

JAKE: Way, way worse than that.

Josh whistles.

JAKE: How am I ever going to pay for a new amp? You know what? Tour’s canceled.

DANNY: Oh, come on, Jake. Get over yourself.

JAKE: Amp killer!

DANNY: Hey, let’s not go around carelessly throwing accusations around like that. I could serve time.

JAKE: (jutting his finger into Danny’s shoulder) You should go to jail.

SAM: (realizing behind Jake and Danny) I’m gonna go to jail.

JOSH: (raising an eyebrow at Sam) Why are you gonna go to jail?

SAM: (the dam has broken) I wrecked a fancy camera on set! I didn’t mean to, I just wanted to take a picture with it, but then I knocked into it and it just kinda went, well, kersplat.

CAMERAMAN: Woah, wait, what happened to my camera?

SAM: I was gonna get the money for you to cover the damages. It’s just that Jake is an idiot and screwed everything up with the radio contest.

JAKE: Wait, what do I have to do with any of this?

SAM: I was gonna snag your winnings to cover my behind.

JAKE: Sam!

SAM: It was the easiest way to fix this.

JAKE: Robbing me??

DANNY: (pinching at the bridge of his nose) What I can’t wrap my head around here is why neither of you are willing to dig into your own stinking pockets. I mean, you both have money for crying out loud.

Satan appears next to Sam’s shoulder.

SATAN: I say you punch the curly haired guy in the kneecaps for questioning your plan.

Sam looks like he’s considering it.

CAMERAMAN: Dude, there’s literally nothing to worry about. I mean, yeah, it would be nice to have the camera today to do the shoot, but it’s no sweat. I’ve got the thing insured.

SAM: Insured?

CAMERAMAN: Yeah, I don’t have to pay out of pocket to fix it.

Sam looks to be having a hard time grasping this concept.

JOSH: (softly, to Sam) Do you not know what insurance is?

Sam shakes his head, embarrassed.

JOSH: Huh. I thought you did since you really didn’t get too upset about Danny breaking your window last night.

DANNY: Yeah, that’s mostly why I did it. I knew State Farm would be a good neighbor.

SAM: I wasn’t worried about the window because I kinda like the draft it makes. It helps air out the place, especially after Rosie rips her massive farts. Boy, can that dog make a stink.

No one knows what to do with this information.

JAKE: Let me get this straight, you were going to keep your front window broken like that through the winter?

SAM: I dunno, maybe? I didn’t really think about it too much.

DANNY: Oh, Sam.

SAM: You learn something new every day?

Satan is back in the room, pinching at the bridge of his nose and shaking his head.

SATAN: This is way too far out of my pay grade.

Satan vanishes. Sam waves goodbye to him. To Jake, Josh, Danny, and the rest of the trailer, it looks like he’s waving goodbye to an empty corner in the room. Jake makes a noise like he remembered something.

JAKE: (to Josh) He’s been talking to the shadow people again.

JOSH: Aw [expletive censored with the Buddy Holly riff].

Danny cautiously approaches Jake and tucks his arm around his shoulders. Jake looks like he wants to slither out of Danny’s grasp, but Danny holds him tight.

DANNY: I want to strike a deal with you.

JAKE: I want to strike you in the kneecaps.

Sam looks at Jake in shock. Is he Satan?!

DANNY: (ignoring Jake) I’ll pay for your replacement amp if you agree to go to the screening of Saturday Night Fever with me.

Jake opens his mouth to protest.

DANNY: (continuing) And you have to do the worm on camera during your guitar solo for our music video.

JAKE: Huh?

JOSH: This vision, Jake, it’s enough to blow your underwear into the stratosphere. Just picture it: your guitar solo starts, you drop down in the grass, and do the most impressive worm the world has ever seen in slow motion while a fire rages in the background.

JAKE: I can’t do the worm.

JOSH: Not with that attitude.

JAKE: (to Danny) Can I bring in my lawyer to negotiate the terms?

DANNY: We both know you don’t have a lawyer.

JAKE: Do too.

DANNY: Josiah Cockerell is not a real person. You just throw out his name when you want to scare people with a fake lawsuit.

JAKE: Shoot, I spend too much time with you.

DANNY: So, are you gonna take me up on this or waste the rest of your life away trying to win cheesy radio contests?

The camera zooms in on Jake’s face as he tries to make a decision. We see that the perspective is coming from Sam - he’s got his film camera back out and is standing about three feet away from Jake, zooming in so far that the lens nearly presses against Jake’s nose. Jake pushes Sam’s camera out of the way and huffs.

JAKE: Fine.

DANNY: Shake on it.

Jake and Danny spit into their hands, wipe their spitty hands across each other’s faces, play a quick round of patty cake, do a spin, bump their hips together, and then shake.

DANNY: It’s been nice doing business with you.

JAKE: Can I at least watch a couple of tutorials on how to do the worm before I go out there?

JOSH: I think it would be a lot more powerful if you winged it.

JAKE: You hate me, don’t you?

SAM: I don’t want to dance.

DANNY: You can be in the middle.

SAM: Deal!

JOSH: Come on, guys. We’ll show you how it’s done.

Transition to Meeting the Master playing overhead. Josh, Danny, Jake, and Sam are back in the parking lot, dressed in their Meeting the Master music video outfits. Josh and Danny are dancing along to the music while Jake and Sam try to follow along behind them. They’re pulling every dance move out of their pockets - at times it looks like they're copying TikTok dances, at other points they could be on Broadway. They jump, they twirl, they point around, they wiggle their hips, they bust out moves that you would see on the dancefloor at a Father-Daughter dance. It’s a routine for the ages. When the guitar solo starts, Josh and Danny start screaming at Jake.

DANNY and JOSH: GO JAKE, GO! GET DOWN AND DIRTY! GO, WORM BOY! WIGGLE BOY, WIGGLE!

Jake chokes in terror and flops onto the ground. His worm looks more like he’s doing reverse crunches, continually planting his face into the grass. When his head retracts, he spits out clumps of grass. Even though his interpretation of the worm is a disgrace to the dance move, Danny, Josh, and Sam cheer him on like he’s killing it. When Jake picks himself back up from the ground, his white suit is covered with grass stains. Their stylist is going to murder him.

At the end of the song, Josh is really feeling it. He pushes in front of Sam, who was dancing in the middle, jumps up high in the air, and lands with a loud crack in the splits. Danny, Sam, and Jake immediately stop dancing and gape at him.

DANNY: Josh, that wasn’t a part of the choreog!

JOSH: (choking from the ground) I wanted to add a little shish boom pow at the end.

JAKE: The only shish boom pow you did was to your groin. God, I could hear that crack from space.

JOSH: (still on the ground) I can’t move.

SAM: No need to worry, you’re insured, right?

JAKE: You’re kind of getting the hang of it, Sam.

Danny approaches Josh’s side and lifts him from the ground with a grunt. Josh looks to be permanently stuck in the splits - as Danny lifts him up, his legs are still sticking out in opposite directions. Danny looks to Jake and Sam for help. Jake and Sam both nod: they know what they need to do.

JOSH: Hey, uh, let’s not get too ahead of ourselves here. I actually feel fine. I love having my legs out like this.

Danny, Sam, and Jake ignore him. Danny holds Josh up even higher while he babbles. Jake grabs a hold of his leg in the front and Sam grabs his leg in the back. They both kick up their feet, trying to swing on his legs. Josh hollers as his legs snap back into place.

JOSH: [expletive censored with the Buddy Holly riff]!

DANNY: (as he puts Josh down) Better?

JOSH: (brushing himself off) Hardly. I feel awful.

DANNY: But, Josh, we have to dance! This music video is nothing without our bodies telling a story, just like Tony Manero did in Saturday Night Fever.

JOSH: I flew too close to the sun, Danny Boy. It’s time for me to strip off the wings before I hurt myself more. I have a yoga class that I can’t miss on Thursday.

Danny hangs his head. Jake watches him and feels a pang of guilt. He approaches Danny and puts a hand on his shoulder.

JAKE: Hey, I’ll still do the worm.

Danny looks at Jake in surprise.

DANNY: Really?

JAKE: Yeah. I mean, we made a deal, didn’t we? It won’t be the full dance, but at least you can get a bit of your messaging on screen.

DANNY: We can work with that.

JOSH: I told you he would see the light!

The episode ends with the director, cameraman, and assistant director watching a cut of the Meeting the Master music video. During Jake’s guitar solo, they watch footage of Jake doing his kind-of worm in slow motion in front of a bonfire. There are multiple different angles of him doing this and, with the music, it’s a truly bizarre sight. The crew members gape at the footage and then the director shuts it off.

DIRECTOR: Well…

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: Oh god.

CAMERAMAN: We’re not keeping that, are we?

DIRECTOR: Absolutely not. That was the worst thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

The Cameraman and Assistant Director breathe out in relief.

DIRECTOR: (continuing) It’s so bad, I want to throw myself out a window.

END OF EPISODE.

Notes: EVERYONE GIVE ALEX (@jmkho) SO MUCH LOVE FOR THE TITLE AND ADDISON (@starcatcherkiszka) FOR THE ORIGINAL IDEA!!! 🫶🫶🫶

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gemstarb · 9 days

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IT'S OVER.

Aww got me in my feels! So glad everybody had fun and made friends. Natalie and Tony really deserved a vacation. 💖💖💖

#Growing up in Scientology #It's Over

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marabarl-and-marlbara · 2 months

Note

Hello Mara,

I wanted to know what your opinions are on Buddhism, judaism, islam, or any other belief systems. Not long ago I’ve found your account and you write a lot on Christianity however you did mention in one of your posts that you would not consider yourself a “Christian” per se (I might be wrong). You are also interest in Scientology and was wondering if you are interested in other beliefs?

Hope you have a wonderful day!

hey anonymous; (drawing from a letter i wrote to a ko-fi supporter today, thank you ko-fi supporter!)

i write about christianity often because i am Haunted by the Specter of Christianity -- it:s baked into me! as is leesburg, as is florida, as is a family fascination with getting suckered into fancy alien books like URANTIA;

but, for other beliefs, outside of Scientology and Christian-Science i:m not very interested in "actively pursuing," with an asterisk for Judaism*, being that i feel like unless you:re outright born into it then there is little point in having an interest in it (but i:d be lying if i said i wasn:t influenced by Zohar and Chabad); Zoroastrianism is really neat to me from the clean/unclean element divisions; i think Palo is one of the pure in-illusion representations of chiral idol worship and really like it for that; i studied islamic art history for a bit and it really left an impression on me via iconoclasm and anti-idolatry belief and depicting god non-representationally; Shinto is pretty neat but sort-of so blurred into Buddhism that it:s hard to figure out what it is -- but reading a bit about the Old Shamanistic traditions of it are neat to me; Buddhism i:d get these morning lessons from Iris (my ex! she studied/studies it), and have a lot of her little Buddhist knowledge-points drilled into my head (but otherwise i don:t really care for it; this is super dismissive of me: sometimes Buddhism seems like the thing people turn towards because Christianity is too lame and typical -- BUT, i was forced to read Siddhartha in highschool and i:d be lying if it didn:t leave a big impression on me growing up, and Iris sort-of reinforced the lessons of it -- my dismissiveness aside it:s neat but it:s so broad it:s hard for me to have thought on it); generally "i like religion and think they are all interesting," but i mostly don:t "care" (defined specifically here as: wanting to involve myself with) for them outside of finding context maps related to chirality;

it:s one of my favorite things to read about; picked up a bunch of mormon texts from a thriftstore lately and want to read some of Joseph Smith writings and prophecies (i have a soft spot for prophets); take care; happy sabbath (it:s orsday sabbath).

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moosefeels · 11 months

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my hottest take a leftist is that 'celebrity' is an exploited labor class, a class of person whose existience is predicated on a total lack of personal control and private life.

the thing about hollywood is that the film industry as we know it is established in california to avoid patent law on the east coast. there's a certain amount of Skullduggery that's already there. and then it grows out of vernacular traveling entertainment from the era (vaudeville) but hollywood is different from vaudeville because it offers a level of security and range that's pretty new. like you know you'll get a check and it will be seen by Everyone. Everyone!

and like, from the Beginning you get this unhinged, unreal, exacting level of control from bosses and owners.

like, that wasn't even joan crawford's name. it was voted on in a poll in a magazine. it wasn't judy garland's name either. and to be clear-- judy garland's well-publicized drug problems stemmed from the fact that louis b. mayer (of metro-goldwyn mayer) was personally forcing her to take amphetimines as a young person so she could literally film six movies at a time.

everyone agrees that the dionne quintuplets were exploited. but the thing is: they were five children who were being treated the way adult movie stars were treated.

and you get this remarkable continuity for how this shakes out. joan crawford and judy garland get treated the same way, but also, elvis gets treated the same way britney spears gets treated. the fucked up thing about britney spears is that it's her family that did it to her, not her label.

and when you get into how this works in the current moment, you get stuff like the contracts celebrities make with designers that essentially dictates what they wear and how they look publicly (complete lack of agency). but you also get shit like idols having to apologize for having a relationship or mickey mouse sliding purity rings on the fingers of every star in the stable.

and like. the thing about scientology is that it's essentially this like, parasite cult that latches onto celebrity in the modern expression. they exist as a concierge priesthood for celebrities. the premise of scientology is "we will keep all your secrets, we will always be on your side, we will even coordinate between you and the press/you and the studio."

and like, in much the same way evangelical orgs have a vested interested in preventing robust social services, scientology thus has a vested interest in stopping protections for the base it serves. anyway if i were joe biden i would remove tax exemptions for all churches immediately via executive order.

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goldkirk · 2 years

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Top 10 mental health/similar books you've read in the past year? (or documentaries, or podcasts, anything is cool!)

this is gonna be all over the place and way more than just 10, sorry, but i'd say my top most impactful things-of-any-type I've encountered in the past year are the following.

Books:

The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog

Reparenting the Child Who Hurts

Take Back Your Life

Zak George's Dog Training Revolution

When the Body Says No

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

The Case Against Conversion "Therapy": Evidence, Ethics, and Alternatives

On Tyranny

Random:

Plato's allegory of the cave

How Tax Brackets Actually Work

UV Camera Reveals The Best Way to Apply Sunscreen to Your Face

Rhett's story of his personal religious deconstruction timeline

This guy's gut wrenchingly honest, timeline-jumping, clearly articulated, and wryly humorous series explaining his long and truly wild journey to atheism

This 6 minute interview with Liz Hunter where she talks about growing up in a cult without realizing it

Church Services Are Designed to Influence You. Here's How.

Former Evangelical leader Josh Harris on renouncing Christianity

therapist talking about the lies purity culture tells women

a therapist's take on religions and emotional manipulation

Polygamist Cult Founder’s Daughter, Rachel Jeffs, Gives Her First TV Interview

Evangelical blinders/guarding your heart

Big Joel's video on anti-abortion propaganda (large focus on the movie Unplanned)

I fantasized about martyrdom too

Omnipotence paradox & laws of logic

"Cults Inside Out" with Rick Alan Ross

An analysis of the Christian martyr complex via the first three God's Not Dead movies

Raised in a cult and finding her voice (an interview with Liz Hunter)

No True Joy Outside the Church?

Pray Away: A Therapist's Take on Conversion Therapy

Nothing Fails Like Bible History - Episode 1

Personal Autonomy Post-Religion

WHAT do you do after LEAVING a cult? (life after the moonies) (this girl is SO FUNNY)

TheraminTrees's (therapist) YouTube videos, especially:

betting on infinity

rebuttals to 'betting on infinity'

false equivalence | qualiasoup and theramintrees

punishing doubt | religious condemnation of thought

'science' of the gaps

commanded to love | performing false emotions for tyrants

grooming minds | the abuse of child indoctrination

degrading love -- part one | how religions distort the meaning of 'love'

degrading love -- part two | how religions distort the meaning of 'love'

living with abusers

imaginary defects | when dogmas label us flawed

creating sickness | recovering from religion

Philosophy Tube's YouTube videos, especially:

Abortion & Ben Shapiro (you might need to pause this one a few times just to mull things over on your own time)

Ignorance & Censorship

Queer✨

Logic

Who's afraid of experts?

Identity: A Trans Coming Out Story

Social Constructs

The Hidden Rules of Modern Society

FundieFriday's YouTube videos, especially:

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY

THE CREATION MUSEUM & ARK ENCOUNTER

RESIDENTIAL SCHOOLS

The post 9/11 Evangelical fever dream that is Jesus Camp

MICHAEL & DEBI PEARL

THE MARTYRS OF COLUMBINE

iilluminaughtii's youtube videos, especially:

The Abusive Practices of Focus on the Family

The IBLP & ATI

Ex-Fundie Diaries' YouTube videos, especially:

Christian Nationalist Child Indoctrination Cult: AWANA

Christian Nationalist Propaganda | Inside My Homeschool "Science" Binder

Christian fundamentalism doesn't always look like the Duggars

Anxiety & Anger Are a Sin in Christian Fundamentalism | Emotional Child Abuse

Child Abuse | Spanking, Neglect, & Psychological Punishments in Christian Fundamentalism

Documentaries:

Scientology and the Aftermath

Pray Away

Seduced: Inside the NXIVM Cult

Lots of others on YouTube and Netflix I'm sorry it's just hard to dig them all up lol, if I have energy some other time I will

Hope this helps someone!

#thanks anon!!#i always love a chance to talk about things that made a difference in my own views or growth #reference #2022 #2021 #resources #undoing indoctrination #trauma #trauma recovery

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nickmaghighlights · 10 months

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Nick Mag Highlights - #118 February 2006

Welcome back to Nick Mag Highlights! Would you believe it: Two of the greatest Nickelodeon shows crossing over in one half-hour special? For the second time? It’s a kid’s dream come true! Again! So let’s read all about it.

So yeah, sorry for the wait on this one. A couple of IRL setbacks plus taking on a volley of different big personal projects at once resulted in quite a hit towards my motivation. But hey, we’re here now, and I’m happy to get back into it.

Little sneak preview while I’m here: One of the things I’ve been working on is a new NMH Side Issue post! One that’s covering a mag that’s ostensibly part of Nickelodeon history thanks to its connection to a very prolific creative figure at the studio. Very wordy book though, so naturally both reading it and my analysis of it is gonna take longer than normal. And then I gotta do the research and fact-checking and yadda yadda, it’ll be ready when it's ready. In the meantime I’ve always got Nickelodeon Magazine to come back to.

Read along if you’d like, I think it’s the cool thing to do!

Neopets was still Viacom (parent company of Nickelodeon)’s latest big purchase at the time of this mag’s release, with them having bought it eight months earlier back in June of 2005, so it’s not surprising seeing the new blockbuster Neopets thing getting a big ‘ole two page spread right at the beginning of the magazine.

While Neopets is famous for originally being financially supported by scientology, it was Viacom's stint with the brand that actually got me to give the site a try for a short time (thanks to a Burger King promotion of all things, if memory serves me correctly). If they don't delete old, inactive accounts then I hope my T-Rex Neopet has been doing well for itself. They can’t die, right?

I love this ad. I’m not sure what kind of vibe they were going for here but it almost feels kind of dystopian with the polluted-looking air and all the TV screens weirdly protruding out every which way. Adding to that feeling for me was that I initially thought all that shrubbery down below was a huge audience of adoring viewers. Feels like something out of The Running Man. Super cool.

Always important to check out what Nickelodeon itself was doing around the time. I remember being really excited for Drake & Josh Go Hollywood, and seeing how it went on to gross more than 5 million viewers, I guess I wasn’t alone. Really bothers me to find out it’s just called Go Hollywood and not Go To Hollywood like I thought it was all these years, but I guess I’ll live.

And speaking of millions of viewers, this section also mentions the then-upcoming SpongeBob SquarePants special “Dunces & Dragons” (oddly not actually referred to here with an actual title), which grossed more than 8 million viewers.

Oh, and it’s Black History Month. Y’know just kind of a footnote slotted in the middle there. You'd think that'd get an article or interview, I don’t know. I’m sure Kyra appreciates the shoutout at least.

Woah. Imagine living in a pre-High School Musical world. Nowadays High School Musical is the made-for-TV-movie that baby made-for-TV-movies want to grow up to be. Now we’ve got two sequels, a TV spinoff (a TV spinoff that won five Kids’ Choice Awards apparently, funnily enough), and a mountain of films that tried to cash in on that success. Mostly from Disney Channel themselves. Camp Rock, anyone?

Funny to see the not-Jumanji family classic Zathura listed as Josh Hutcherson’s big recognizable role when he’d end up co-starring in the critically lauded cultural touchstone The Hunger Games just a few years later. And now he’s starring in that Five Nights at Freddy’s movie coming out this year. What a career.

There’s gotta be some irony to me sitting here and enjoying what I probably called the “boring parts” of the magazine back when I was a kid. C’mon though, this is pretty neat! I’ll run through all the topics real quick if you’d like to learn more.

Notes From Underground - The Great Stalacpipe Organ

Still standing to this day, the instrument has been refurbished a couple times since it was featured in this magazine. In 2012 a band by the name of Pepe Deluxé composed and played the first ever song exclusively for the Stalacpipe Organ, called “In The Cave” and featured it in their album Queen of the Wave. Give it a listen, it’s a creepy kind of beautiful. Must’ve been hard to record, too!

Playing With Their Food - The Vienna Vegetable Orchestra

The orchestra is still active and has even done a couple of performances this year! I doubt they still make soup from their instruments though. But to be honest even without having to worry about viral diseases I’m not too interested in soup made exclusively of vegetables that have been blown into for several hours.

Talk About Slow Jamz! - Organ²/ASLSP

Miraculously the performance is still on track. They didn’t play a note this year but the next one is scheduled for February 5th. The second slowest performance of the piece lasted 16 hours and took place last year.

World’s Hottest Tunes - Fire Organs

I can’t really find much about this one online, but I guess it speaks for itself, doesn’t it?

Take a look at a performance and try not to think about how hot it must be in that auditorium whenever he plays that thing.

Alright, it’s time for a confession. You ready to hear the horrible truth? …Okay, here goes:

I don’t know very much about music.

I guess it was probably a bad choice for me to write about a magazine themed around music. I got pretty far without having to disclose my lack of knowledge though, right? And in my defense, Nickelodeon lured me in with that Jimmy Timmy Power Hour cover.

And I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like music. I love a bit of jazz now and then*. But still, none of the names here really ring a bell, so I don't know if any of these answers are ironic or out-of-character or so in-character it’s adorable or whatever. At least I can appreciate they spared no expense, they never usually have this many interviews. There’s even a third page with even more of them if you want to check it out.

*My top jazz favorites are Kim Scott (Spotify) and Pieces Of A Dream (Spotify). If you were curious.

It’s really cool to see something encouraging kids to make their own mix CDs. I do kinda wish there was more than one cover though. Not everybody wants to chill.

Aw man, come to think of it, is Gen-Z the last generation to do personal mixtapes and CDs? Or is that still a thing? Regardless I kind of wish I had gotten into doing that when I was younger, it seems like a fun thing to do between friends. Plus my knowledge of music would probably be way stronger than it is now. What do kids do nowadays, send each other Spotify playlists? I guess that's a bit more convenient.

I think I've talked about these Pop-Tart ads before. They were in these magazines all the time so they must’ve come up already. I think I even gave them some credit. But as attention grabbing as they were I really still don't understand the intention. What's so appetizing about seeing these little guys just get absolutely destroyed all the time? Are kids supposed to think about how they’re snuffing the life out of their morning Pop-Tarts?

A very awesome and adorable cover we have here, courtesy of Vera Brosgol (author and illustrator of the award-winning Anya’s Ghost, plus Head of Story on Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio). You can check out her website to see more of her work here.

Nice little comic by Greg Cook. And wouldn’t you know that guy’s Wikipedia article has Nickelodeon Magazine mentioned in its first sentence? That’s cool. Also I feel like the man himself might’ve written his own Wikipedia article. The lack of citations and the way it’s written like the “About Me” page for a blog gives me that kind of vibe. If so, thanks for remembering us, Greg!

Now here’s some of that Jimmy-Timmy content I was promised! I was starting to get worried.

I find it interesting how well Jimmy and Timmy bounce off of each other, but I guess now that I think about it their shows weren’t that different really, at least in terms of subject matter, were they? In broad strokes they’re both kids with big egos whose imaginations tend to get them into trouble. And seeing those big egos clash is naturally gonna lend itself to some good comedy.

In regards to the art, I love the warm colors utilized here, it’s very cozy. The art throws me off just a smidge though. Absolutely no disrespect to Scott Roberts of course, writer and penciler behind this comic (and also creator of Patty Cake, a recurring comic for Nickelodeon Magazine that we… haven’t actually encountered yet on this blog unfortunately), he’s got some great work under his belt, and Timmy and his fairies look as to be expected here. But I do think it was a weird choice making Jimmy look like a Rugrat though. That’s not just me, right? The second page in particular has him pulling off some serious Rugrats-faces. Maybe Roberts was just doing what he knows, because he actually did tons of work on a Rugrats newspaper comic strip just a couple years before this.

Aside from that, Jimmy’s lab is a bit weird. It’s not the usual cave, instead being a regular room with windows and a checkerboard floor? And the exterior shows it to be a wooden cabin? Maybe it’s supposed to be the shack that’s built above the lab Jimmy uses as a secret entrance. Doesn’t really matter, I certainly didn’t notice as a kid, but it does make me wonder if the artist wasn’t provided that much reference material.

I love that snail comic so much like you wouldn’t believe.

Throughout the years I always managed to miss out on LEGO’s constant edgier reinventions of itself, y’know like Bionicle or that one about the ninjas. I guess it helps that I was never really into the toy itself. Unlike those previous examples though, Exo-Force here isn’t ringing any bells for me, but I do find it noteworthy how they were trying to go for a more anime/gundam vibe with this one, what with the Japanese affixed to the bottom of the logo and the faux-anime designs of all the main characters. Surprised to see this one didn’t even warrant its own cartoon, instead having its epic storyline played out through a series of commercials. And while I may like an overarching commercial narrative as much as the next guy (anyone remember those Goldfish Cracker commercials that did the same thing?), I bet you any fans of this line were sore it never got the whole TV show package like Bionicle did.

Oh right, Valentine’s Day is in February, isn’t that right? How many more years do you think that holiday has, you reckon? Nobody likes it. It’s just a reason to buy more greeting cards and do nice things for people that you probably should just be doing anyway and not need a holiday to tell you to do. Eh, still though I guess if you were in a small class at school this would be a pretty useful sheet of cards.

Skyland, huh? Can’t say it rings a bell, but it certainly looks cool. How did this slip by me? I even had this issue as a kid and watched Nicktoons, so I must have just completely tuned it out. I wonder why?

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Oh, that’s interesting, it seems like it's all done with motion captured 3D animation. That’s fine, I guess, but that illustration in the magazine had me thinking it’d look a bit more like The Last Airbender. I’m impressed that they spared no expense on the story at least. This intro here can barely keep down its exposition to forty seconds!

So, does anyone remember this one? Apparently it was a French production that was licensed to different channels across the world, airing on Teletoon in Canada and CITV in the UK. I’d love to know if it was any good!

Pretty good smorgasbord of facts in this month’s calendar. And I guess a blanket theme is good as any other theme. Ooh, National Pancake Day! What a great month.

The Jimmy-Timmy quiz is fun, but I wish we could’ve gotten an interview with someone a part of the production of the episode or something. Obviously they’re not going to just interview some random part of the staff (although I’d find that interesting personally), but a voice actor would’ve been cool. I like how Jimmy’s answer considers Sheen a responsibility. Maybe all of Jimmy’s town-threatening inventions were just to distract Sheen from causing any real damage. We all know what kind of terror he’s capable of.

Wow, Bill Clinton! BC himself! Pretty impressive guest for an issue of Nickelodeon Magazine, I must say. ‘Course they got him talking about eating vegetables and exercising instead of something cool, though. It is good to know that being on the receiving end of the most widely-reported-on gobbling in the United States wasn’t enough to get you disqualified from having a spot in Nick Mag.

Another neato guest in theory, Tommy Tallarico is a pretty big name in the video game music space. He’s known for having a hand in loads of different soundtracks over the years and also allegedly being a pathological liar and taking credits for lots of other peoples’ work, which isn’t as nice as the former thing I listed. If you’re interested you can check out more info on the topic in this video here by hbomberguy, which basically runs through a lot of the lies Tallarico has told throughout the years, made as a response to him using legal pressure to get a sound effect he claims to have made removed from the online game Roblox. Oof.

But yeah, to give him some credit, this interview is better than ‘ole Clint’s was. At least Tallarico’s talking about the thing he gets paid for instead of vegetables and dieting. And that “What’s on Mario’s iPod” section is pretty good, but considering Tallirco’s track record it makes me question the legitimacy of his answers… I always thought Crash Bandicoot was more of a Dead Or Alive fan.

Oh god, not QZ again. I did not miss seeing this freak, I’ll tell you that. Why was anyone encouraging this guy with any more questions? He was getting kids names and addresses and we all sat idly by! I like how he sidesteps half the questions too, only giving a direct answer when it concerns protecting a kid from bullies. Maybe he’s not such a bad guy after all…

…Nah. Screw him.

If you remember these guys, you qualify for an Apple Jack’s discount!

I’m willing to admit as a kid I was more than willing to buy into whatever brands wound up on my TV as long as they had a funky mascot and even funkier commercials (and having a website that sported a suite of Flash games and cartoons certainly helped), but the hijinx of this Rastafarian cinnamon stick and goblin-looking apple particularly stick out to me as some rather memorable marketing. I’d say chalk it up to the distinct claymation style the commercials sported (which I’m pretty sure got replaced with 3D animation at some point, which kinda stinks). I found it funny how the character known as “Bad Apple” here eventually got redeemed and just became a friendly competitor that races Cinnamon to the bowl as opposed to the villain he’s presented as here. Did the marketing team really not see from the get-go that people might have a problem with a commercial depicting cinnamon and sugar as the good guy and apples as, well, “bad”?

Still, as much as I loved the commercials, I never actually had a single bowl of Apple Jacks as a kid. Shocking, I know, but my friends told me they sucked and I remember reading one particularly nasty long-winded online review that basically said the cereal is garbage, so I stayed away. I eventually did have a bowl or two of the stuff many years later, and… they’re alright. I will agree with this comic on one thing, Apple Jacks definitely do not “taste like apples”. In fact, they don’t really taste like anything.

And that’ll do it for this edition of Nick Mag HIghlights! Thanks for sticking around, and I hope you had a fun time going through this issue with me. It had tons of fun stuff (that article on the strange and interesting instruments and that Jimmy-Timmy Power Hour comic were my personal highlights) and hopefully some of you can get more entertainment out of all those musical interviews than I did. We even got a Billy C cameo! It doesn’t get more engaging than an old president, does it?

As well, I’d like to reiterate my apology for the time it took to bring this to you all, and I’m hopeful I can pick the pace back up and rebuild my motivation now that I’ve gotten this finished. I’m looking forward to finalizing my aforementioned new Nick Mag Side Issues post, I think that’ll be pretty interesting and add a little spice of variety to the page. Guess we’ll see!

Keep on reading, and maybe listen to your favorite song while you’re at it. I’ll catch you next time!

#nmh post #2000s #2006 #nickelodeon #magazine #jimmy neutron #the fairly oddparents

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