#Dan: Kid I’m getting you back into school even if it’s homeschool | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sylvesterlestermanchester · 3 years

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Fearfully and Wonderfully

Summary: Dan wasn’t entirely sure what he was going to experience when he starts his first semester at Uni, but he was pretty sure an incredibly sheltered Catholic boy stealing his heart wasn’t on his list of typical college tropes.

Word Count: 12401

Genre: Humor, fluff, angst. All mixed together. Fun times!

Warnings: Conversion therapy, homophobia, brief allusions to sex and genitals. One puke joke?

A/N: This is my first ever published fic-I’ve been writing for literally years little bits and pieces, but COVID has me going crazy and I just wanted to put some effort into an actual thing. Thanks for reading!

Dan wasn’t sure what he was expecting when he walked through the door to his dorm the first time, parents and sullen little brother in tow. All of his knowledge about Uni had been from TV and movies-maybe he would have some frat guy in the bed across from him, or maybe a stoner, or maybe a weird silent dude who will disappear after the first week and let Dan put their beds together so they would actually fit his gangly body.

What he isn’t expecting is to have an eight-year-old girl bodyslam herself into his legs, followed by a loud groan and a sharp voice scolding “Suzanne, we told you to stop running!”

Dan’s eyes look down at the (quickly retreating) girl and blinks a few times as he takes in the scene in front of him. There are way too many people in the crowded room right now-he counts two identical boys, both around 10, bouncing on the stiff dorm bed, one pre-teen digging through a cardboard box, a girl around Adrian’s age whispering something to an older woman with a toddler in her arms, standing next to a quiet-looking tall man, and, of course, the eight-year-old, now having been scooped up by a sheepish looking guy around Dan’s age who’s giving him an apologetic smile. This must be the Philip Lester on his room assignment form. “Sorry. My family is kind of, erm, excited.” He says with a small, nervous laugh and sets the girl aside before sticking out a hand to shake. “I’m Phil! You must be, um...Daniel, right?”

Dan takes a second to readjust the bags in his arms to shake Phil’s hand awkwardly, trying not to look too overwhelmed at the scene in front of him. “Dan’s fine.”

The kids have all frozen in place, staring at Dan with wide eyes like Dan just sprouted a second head. There’s a few long beats of silence as Phil shakes his hand just a little too enthusiastically for just a bit too long.

Finally, Phil’s mum places a hand on her son’s shoulder, beaming brightly. “It’s so great our boys will be living together!” She cheers to Dan’s mum, who looks a bit bewildered. Ms. Lester gently takes a few of Dan’s bags and sets them on the bed, continuing to chatter on. “Come on, we can unpack while you two get to know each other better. I need to know who my son is going to be rooming with, right?” She continues to babble in a thick northern drawl as Dan glances back at his parents, who look like they’re about to bolt for the door and leave their son to be swallowed whole by these people.

“You’re rooming with an absolute freak,” Adrian mumbles in his ear with a small smirk. “Karma is a bitch, huh?” “Shut up.” Dan hisses back through his teeth, trying to look as interested as possible as Phil’s mum keeps talking.

“The weather here is so nice-it’s already getting cold up in Rossendale, can you believe it? Max and Adam were running around outside, and I was so scared they were gonna catch cold, you know how quickly little ones do. Oh, the drive here was wonderful-” “We saw cows!” One of the kids butts in, and suddenly they’re all talking, any nervousness they had around the strangers suddenly vanishing.

“And horses!” “We got hamburgers, and there was this huge truck-it had to have, like, forty wheels-” Phil seems to take after his dad, quietly but quickly unpacking since his siblings have seemingly given up on it in favor of telling Dan’s family every detail of the six-hour car ride. At one point he makes eye contact with Phil, who gives him an apologetic look, his cheeks flushed and an embarrassed grin on his face as the kids chatter along excitedly like they’ve never talked to another person before.

Finally, right when Dan feels like his ears are going to fall off, Phil speaks up again. “I-I think I can get this from here, guys. Mum, Dad, why don’t we go out for a walk before we say goodbye? I know you guys want to see the geese on campus, right?” The kids all cheer like geese are the most exciting thing on Earth, scrambling for the door. Phil’s mum gives Dan a tight hug and Phil’s dad, still not having spoken a single word, even gives his shoulder an uncomfortable pat before they head out. The small space suddenly feels vast and empty, and the silence is almost tangible. “Well. They seemed...friendly.” Dan’s mum says after a few moments, his dad snorting.

“You’re in for quite a year, huh, kid?” He jokes. Dan laughs weakly, but in all honesty, it doesn’t seem that funny.

Just what did he get himself into?

Dan’s curled up in his bed when Phil finally comes back a few hours later, giving Dan that same crooked, shy grin from earlier. Now that it’s just him and not him with (presumably) his entire Brady Bunch-style family, he can get a better look at his roommate. He’s tall, about an inch taller than Dan, and lanky. His black jeans are just a bit high on his ankles, and his faded green shirt clings to his skinny frame. As Dan’s eyes travel higher he takes in his flushed cheeks, his blue eyes wide behind his oversized glasses, all behind shaggy black hair that doesn’t match his ginger eyebrows-ginger like every other family member of his. Dan suddenly feels a bit self-conscious in his Game of Thrones pajamas and old school shirt, pulling his covers up a bit higher as he takes in the other young man with a strange feeling in his chest. He’s definitely different than anyone Dan’s ever known. But damn, if he isn’t cute.

“Sorry if my family was a lot today.” He says after a slight moment of silence, a slight giggle slipping out as he walks over to one of the boxes on his side of the room. “I’m the first to go to Uni out of my brothers and sisters, so my parents decided to, like, make it into a whole thing.”

The memory of the chaos is still fresh in Dan’s mind, but hearing Phil talk about it, he can’t help but smile a bit as well. “I’m the oldest, so I get it. And they were nice. Your siblings are very...uh, talkative.” He says slowly, trying not to sound rude, but Phil’s giggling again before he can worry too much about it.

“We’re from kind of the middle of nowhere, so they’re just excited to see, like, humans outside of Rossendale for the first time.” Phil joked as he started reorganizing some of the things his siblings had just sort of dumped around the room. “Plus, they don’t usually get sugar, but they had soda on the way here. So they were practically about to explode by the time we pulled in. They just exploded all of that excitement onto you.”

Dan can’t help but laugh a bit at that as he watches Phil set some thick books up one way and then rearranges them. “Oh, Jesus. That car ride must have been nuts.” Phil looks over his shoulder, grinning wider now. He looks more and more relaxed each minute, as if he was just as nervous about Dan as Dan was about him. “You have no idea, oh my gosh. They were already wound up for today, and then there was soda, and Max and Alex-they get carsick even worse than I do, and then Suzanne had to pee, like, forty times an hour, and Mum was all weepy...this has been the longest day of my life.” He joked, laughing along with Dan.

Even though Dan can’t connect any of the kids to their names, he feels like he knows them decently well. In fact, as the conversation drifts into more goofy road trip stories, Dan’s surprised with just how close he feels to Phil like they’ve known each other before they even met.

It’s strange, he finds. But then again, Phil’s pretty strange, after all.

Dan doesn’t fully realize how strange Phil is until the next day. There’s a few hints-Dan makes a reference to some TikTok audio and Phil admits he’s never used it before, staring in awe as Dan scrolls through his ForYou Page for him. When they head off to orientation in one of the lecture halls, Phil’s head jolts up and his face flushes bright red when one of the countless speakers jokingly curses (if you can count “ass” as a curse-Dan honestly can’t). But it’s not until they’re out at the quad with some of their new peers for lunch when Chris turns to Phil and asks if he went to the school his cousin went to up north. “Oh, I didn’t go to school.” Phil says with a bright smile, before quickly adding “I mean-I was homeschooled. So I just kinda did the work when I wanted to.”

“Your parents homeschooled you? Didn’t Dan say you had, like, twenty siblings?” Louise questions as they all turn to look at Phil. Dan feels a migraine coming on just imagining being home with all of those kids all bloody day, though he can actually picture Mrs. Lester teaching them all pretty well. Phil laughed a bit, cheeks flushing pink as he looked down at his sandwich.

“We all were. My mum and dad didn’t like the schools in our area-they wanted us to be more connected to the church, said that “our values weren’t instilled in traditional education’.” He explained with a small shrug. When PJ raised an eyebrow at that Phil pulled a small cross necklace out from under his shirt. “I’m Catholic. I actually have plans for Seminary after getting my bachelor’s-so if you’re planning on getting married, I’m taking bookings now.” Phil’s last comment was clearly meant to lighten up the mood, but it’s obvious that the subject matter was making the group a little uncomfortable, considering they all just met. Dan’s mentally running through Phil’s belongings in their dorm-were all those books Bibles? Was he going to start hanging crosses everywhere? Or make him wake up early on Sundays?

Before his brain could spiral out further Chris blurted out “So, were you raised in a Jesus bubble or something?” Louise smacks his arm but Phil giggled. “I-I have been told I’ve lived a bit of a sheltered life before, yeah.” “Were you allowed...TV?” PJ asks slowly, eyes widening when Phil shook his head.

“Not cable. We could watch DVDs, but they had to be approved, so it was usually educational. I know a lot of animal facts, actually. Did you know hippo-”

“What about the internet?” Louise cuts him off.

“Not after my older brother got caught Googling “bikini girls” when he was 10.” Phil joked lightly. “But even before that, my mum was pretty anti-internet. If I really needed it for school or whatever, I’d go down to the library.”

“No Harry Potter?” “Promotes witchcraft. Apparently. I haven’t read it for myself, but-”

“Dating?” “Not without serious intention to marry-and I’m not exactly ready for that, so-” “Running water?” “You know what’s funny?” Phil says, giggling a bit and bringing his knees loosely to his chest. “You guys think I’m weird, which is totally understandable. But your guys’ lives before this sound weird to me, too. Like-Chris, you got to play video games as a kid, right? And I was taught that those would turn me into some homicidal maniac. Dan, I saw you have a horoscope app-that’s the occult, so that’s a huge no-no.” Wow, okay. Before Dan could feel too offended, though, and Chris could jump in, Phil keeps going. “But, like, I get that you’re not a witch, or Chris, you’re not gonna chop me up into little pieces when I’m sleeping. There’s gotta be some middle ground here, right? So...you guys could show me how to live more like you, and maybe you guys would be more interested in what I’m into?”

There’s a small silence that falls across the group before a wicked grin slowly appears on Louise’s face.

“What do you want to learn first?”

The next few weeks are a bit of a whirlwind for Dan. Between classes, hanging out with new friends, homework, scrambling to find a job, remembering to text his mum and let her know he hasn’t died, he’s barely able to keep his head on straight. But the time he spends trying to introduce Phil to the “real world” is some of his favorite.

Phil had set some ground rules-nothing that could kill him or ruin his life if it got out on social media. If he got too uncomfortable, he was allowed to tap out, but he’d give it an honest attempt. And nothing Satanic. (Dan had laughed until he realized by the look on his face that he wasn’t joking).

Granted, their friend group hadn’t done a great job at the start. PJ thought it would be hilarious to let Phil start with some “iconic reading material”.

Dan had been in class when they had presented the book to him, and the two were in their respective beds when Dan heard a shocked gasp from Phil’s side of the room.

“You good, mate?” He rolled over, watching as Phil sat upright and started flipping through the pages. “Do-Do you know about this book?” He asked, face turning impossibly redder as he held up the cover for Dan. 50 Shades of Gray. As Dan burst out laughing, his roommate whined playfully.

“What-Phil, who gave this to you?” “PJ said it was necessary reading!”

“PJ is a dunce. Give it here, I’ll protect you from the big bad book.” Dan teases, but Phil quickly shoves the book into his hands like it’s on fire.

“I’m gonna have nightmares about ties and rich men for weeks.” He grumbled playfully, curling up on his bed and reaching for his phone. “I’m never trusting Peej again.”

Louise turns full maternal the next day when he struggles to recount the experience in polite language (Dan holding back laughter), and she decides to go the complete opposite way, launching a mission to, as she put it, “reshape Phil’s lost childhood”. Phil lightly pushes back against wording, because he feels like he had quite a nice childhood, thank you very much.

Still, Louise comes over a couple of nights later, armed with her laptop.

“They couldn’t come up with a more creative name than “High School Musical”?” Phil teased gently as she pulled it up on her screen.

“Phil, you sweet boy, High School Musical is a cultural milestone that you need experience. So no backtalk!”

“Whatever you say.” He said, sitting on the other side of her and holding a bowl of popcorn in his lap.

They watch the first movie, and then the second, and then Phil’s begging to watch the third. As the final song plays Dan glances over and sees that Phil has his head ducked down, shoulders shaking gently.

“Phil?” Louise asks gently right as a choked sob erupts from him. She lets out a yelp as Phil flings his arms around her neck, laughing shakily. “It was just...Troy chose basketball and music…both of his passions...” He blubbers out, nuzzling into her shoulder as she coos. “You’re so weird, hon. You know that?” Once he’s calmed down enough (when Dan offers him a hug the waterworks start up all over again, sniffling. “So. Is that what your guys’ school was like?”

Louise and Dan glance at each other before bursting into laughter, only stopping a couple of minutes later when Louise turns to Phil once more. “If you liked High School Musical, you’re going to love this show Victorious…”

Of course, it’s not all smutty books and (incredible) movie trilogies.

Being homeschooled meant that all Phil knows is doing school when he feels like it. Lucky for Phil, he’s a huge nerd, so homework and studying actually excite him. The problem is, these things tend to excite him at 3 in the morning, and he actually has classes to go to now outside of his room.

By day three of no sleep, Phil swears Dan’s grown wings, and Dan intervenes. They make up a rules sheet-bedtime is 2AM, wake up at 10AM, eat three meals a day, no more than five cups of coffee a day (of all the vices Phil was deprived of, caffeine was clearly not one of them-Dan’s never seen anyone drink more coffee in his life). He gets him down to one all-nighter a week, and in turn, Phil wakes him up each morning and helps him with schoolwork so Dan doesn’t have to face going to the tutoring center. It turns out that Phil’s kind of a genius, despite never being in a classroom until a couple of weeks prior.

Chris is the one who convinces Phil to get social media, telling him that “only serial killers and old people” don’t. Phil’s not the greatest at it at first (there’s a lot of pictures uploaded on accident to his Instagram stories and nonsense tweets), but he slowly gets more used to it, getting his terrible puns and weird things he sees on campus out to the world (all 20 of his followers).

Dan can’t help but get slightly annoyed when Phil’s phone is shoved in his face to choose a filter of some stupid looking goose that’s close to attacking him, but the look of pure elation that Phil gets when someone sends a dog meme in their group chat is enough to warm his heart in ways he didn’t want to address fully but knew he couldn’t ignore.

There’s so much to teach him, and it seems like each day something pops up. Still, Dan’s surprised by Phil’s world, too.

First, he brings them to a non-denominational bible study group. PJ groaned quietly as Phil handed them all cheap paperback Bibles before they entered the church.

“Can’t we do something a bit more...fun? With less reading?”

“If you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it again,” Phil said with a grin, rocking back and forth on his heels. “And if you like it-which hopefully, you will-we can come back once a week, and I’ll get you some nicer Bibles. These are just to start out with.”

Louise forces a small “yay” as they head inside, Phil leading them through the sanctuary with a happy sigh before taking them down some stairs, where a young woman sits in front of a small arrangement of chairs. “Phil, you brought your friends!” The woman cheers and Phil laughs happily. “Caroline-this is Dan, PJ, Chris, and Lou. They’re new to all this, so we’ll go easy this week?” He joked lightly, and Caroline nods, asking them about their religious beliefs.

“Uh, went to church a few times with my Nan. Atheist.” Dan says, biting his lip. He never actually said the “a'' word around Phil, and he’s a bit nervous that he’s going to suddenly flip out, but he still seems just as excited as when he walked in.

“Atheist. Never been-parents hate churches. Can I still grab snacks?” Chris adds and Caroline laughs, nodding.

“I’m a little complicated, but it’s basically just hippie church.” PJ says, shrugging. “Singing and chanting and all.”

“I go about once a month-I’m Episcopal, officially, but I’ve been to other churches too.” Louise gently smiled, and with that, the group got started. They went around and talked about their weeks, a few upcoming events, a prayer, and then Caroline instructed them to get their books. Phil pulled a well-worn leather Bible out of his bag, and Dan’s eyes widened a bit when he opened it. There are post-it notes everywhere, with entire passages highlighted and notes covering practically every margin in Phil’s stupidly perfect handwriting. It’s clear that Phil’s spent a lot of time with the book.

“Since we have guests, I figured we’d take a break from our reading of Matthew and focus on a couple of specific verses today,” Caroline says brightly. “James 1:13-15: “Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.”

There’s a slight pause and Chris furrows his eyebrows. “Huh?” “In simple terms-don’t say God isn’t the one to tempt you, because when you stray off His path, that’s on you.” One of the group members explains. “And if you do sin, it’ll lead to, uh, death.”

“Well, does God not tempt us to do bad things by putting so much pressure on us to be perfect?” A girl with blue hair jumps in, raising an eyebrow. “He sets the standard so high. Sometimes I’m just like, ‘Chill, dude. I can’t do everything. I’m not you.’ “

PJ snorts at that, giggling. “You call God dude?” They’re all laughing now, but Dan can’t believe it-he wants to jump in.

“Can I ask a dumb question?” His voice is a bit quiet but inquisitive. “Isn’t God supposed to be loving and forgiving? Why does He want you guys to be perfect? That sounds kind of...harsh.”

“Well, He knows we’re not perfect.” Phil says, and another guy nods.

“He asks for us to be because it strives us to be better. And it teaches us that messing up is okay.” The conversation keeps up for a bit before Caroline interrupts, asking them to focus on the latter half of the passage.

PJ narrows his eyes at the text before looking up. “Am I really gonna die if I sin?” “Well, sin was what led us away from eternal life in the first place-Adam and Eve kinda messed that up for us.”

“Yeah, but our personal sins can lead us to death, too. Not just old sins. That’s what God’s warning us about here.”

“Not every sin does, though. Like mixed-fabric shirts.” Louise grinned a little. “Or grabbing dudes by their nads during fights.” PJ’s eyes widened and he turned to Phil. “Are those actual rules?!” “It was a different time!” Phil giggled as he watched him flip through the pages quickly.

“Where does it say we can’t grab nads?’ “Can we stop saying nads in church?” Phil pointed out, still laughing despite his red face.

Caroline tuts and wags a finger playfully. “Uh-uh, Philip. No judgment. They can talk about nads all they want, now.”

The entire room is laughing again as Phil buries his face in his hands. Finally, when he controls his giggles, Caroline speaks again. “Do you think talking about that kind of stuff in church is a sin, Phil?”

It’s teasing at first, but Phil actually thinks about it for a moment.

“Well...my household was pretty strict growing up. I mean, I got yelled at once for just sneezing during church.” He admits slowly and Dan’s eyebrows furrow a little. He can’t imagine either of Phil’s parents yelling at him, or anyone, really. “But I get why it was. They wanted me to love God, and respect Him, just like they loved and respected me and I loved and respected them. So I think if you do things with love, genuine love, it’s not a sin. But if you do things out of hate, or anger, or with the intention of hurting, that’s a sin. And that’s not automatically bad-like T’andra said, we’re all gonna make mistakes. Just keep on acting with love, and I think you’re good.” There’s a pause, and Dan’s face flushes slightly. Not just at how much Phil was saying “love”, but the words he spoke, and the true thought and passion behind them.

The moment is cut short when PJ snorts. “So if I love nads, I can talk about them to Jesus?”

By the time the room is back under control, the group is over. “Y’know, that was actually pretty fun.” Chris said after they had all grabbed snacks and talked to everyone.

“It was! It was like...philosophical debate.” Dan said. “The real nitty-gritty. The topics of good, evil, life, death, corruption-” Louise shoved him gently. “So deep, Dan. Of course you enjoyed it.” She joked lightly before adding “No offense, Phil!” Phil doesn’t seem to care-he’s grinning so wide it must be hurting his cheeks, and Dan would be lying if he isn’t tempted to start reading the whole Bible from cover to cover just to see him grin like that again.

Phil also manages to bring them to actual church services a couple of times (though getting college students out of bed before noon on a weekend proves to be a practically impossible task).

Dan has to admit he’s not as impressed with this as he is with the study group. The group is fun-they can all talk, and laugh, and actually discuss the points. Church is...not. They sit on hard pews. They listen. They stand and sit and kneel and stand and sit and kneel. They sing a few songs, and while Phil’s quiet baritone makes Dan’s sore knees quiver, it’s not enough to really warrant him waking up at 8AM on a weekend.

Phil is politely understanding of this, though it’s clear that this is of certain importance to him that his friends might not ever understand. It’s admirable if nothing else.

Other than storytelling from his childhood (which does little to make him seem more normal, honestly) and the weekly study, though, Phil doesn’t talk too much about the church to his other friends. Dan, however, is different. Maybe it’s just the fact that they live together and their space is more shared, but Phil opens up to Dan a bit more about it. He reads passages and verses to Dan, he prays in front of him, and he answers his questions in a non-condescending way. Dan has to admit that while he likes what Phil says, he can’t find himself connecting to it in the way Phil has, with his entire heart and soul. But Dan can admire the stories and the way his friend sees the world, and this new world that he’s entering with him.

It’s been a month of them being friends when Dan realizes that he’s seeing the world in two ways-Dan’s universe, and Phil’s universe. They’re so different, but (and he’s sure he’d never admit this out loud) Dan prefers when their universes collide.

When Dan comes home after a long day of classes and working at the campus bookstore, he’s exhausted. The soft music fades through the room as he opens the door to find Phil chewing on a pen, looking just as anxious as him. “I think my brain is leaking out my ears,” Phil said wearily, looking over the top of his glasses at Dan. “Do I have brain on my desk?” Dan snorts and rolls his eyes, reaching over and grabbing his textbook. “We need a break. And you need sleep-I know you took that second all-nighter last night, rule-breaker.” “Fine. Watch something with me?” He says after a moment, grabbing his laptop. They load up an episode of Zoey101 (they’d finished Victorious the week before) and hit play.

As the bars from the theme song fade out, Dan suddenly feels a strange pressure on his shoulder. He glances over and finds Phil with his cheek pressed to Dan’s shoulder, glasses sliding down his nose as he lets out a soft snore. Dan pauses the show, and for a brief moment, it’s just the two of them. Dan and Phil.

He lives for those moments: Getting coffee after a class. Sending each other memes. Trying new food at the dining hall. Brief greetings in the halls. Shared looks as they hang out with their friend group.

It’s been a month of them being friends when Dan realizes he's never fallen quite this hard before. He doesn’t just want to make out, all hot and heavy, or go further than just that. He just wants this-Dan and Phil-forever, even just as friends. He didn’t expect to find that in this pale, bible-banging weirdo, but now that he does he never wants to let him go.

Dan’s getting that feeling now more and more, the Dan and Phil feeling when they’re in the study group a few weeks later. They’re both sat towards the back, trying (and failing) to hold back laughter as they’re hunched over Dan’s Bible.

“I have compared thee, O my love, to a company of horses in Pharaoh's chariots. Thy cheeks are comely with rows of jewels, thy neck with chains of gold. We will make thee borders of gold with studs of silver…” Phil says under his breath in a low, gravelly tone.

Dan turns to the next page. “O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely. Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes!” He whispers, still trying to make his voice sound high-pitched.

“Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes within thy locks: thy hair is as a flock of goats, that appear from mount Gilead. Thy teeth are like a flock of sheep that are even shorn, which came up from-”

“Dan, Phil, I’m guessing you both are whispering about how excited you are about our retreat at Camp Brabeck?”

The two both fall silent, Dan quickly glancing between Phil and Caroline, her smile wearing a bit thin from having to call them out. Phil’s eyes are wide, suddenly all signs of laughter gone. “Camp Brabeck?” He squeaks out, and the leader nods.

“On our upcoming four-day weekend. It’s up North, so it’ll be a bit of a drive, but we’ve already got the vans rented out and everything.” She says before noticing Phil’s sudden change in demeanor. “Phil, you’re from around there, actually. Have you been before?”

Phil blinks a few times before nodding, curling up into his seat a little. “O-Oh. Well, I actually did, once, but-”

“Great! So you’ll be down to come, right? We’ve got more space in the van, and it’ll be fun…” Caroline says hopefully, not letting him argue as he starts shaking his head. “Plus, if you’ve already been there, you can tell us all about it! C’mon, this is right up your alley. I think you’ll-” “I’ll go if Dan does.” Phil blurts out suddenly, looking nervously over at. Dan’s definitely confused now-Phil loves the outdoors. He loves this group. He loves-well, to be fair, Phil seems to love most things. He’s racking his brain trying to figure out what it could be, but he just can’t, and now all eyes are on him, and-

“I mean...as long as someone brings bug spray.” Dan says slowly, Caroline beaming and writing on her clipboard before talking excitedly about the campground. The two stay quiet, Dan focusing on Phil’s eyes trained on her and hands gripping his Bible so tightly that his knuckles turn white.

The minute the group ends Phil makes a beeline to the door, walking so fast that Dan can’t catch up without actually chasing him. Dan’s phone dings a short moment later:

Sorry 2 run! Had 2 catch up w some1 4 a thing. Thx 4 signing up w me ^_^ - Phil!

Dan furrows his eyebrows, and not for the normal reason of Phil’s stupid abbreviations and the fact he insists upon signing all his texts. He’s trying to piece the pieces together from the few characters on his screen when Louise puts a hand on his shoulder. “So what was all that about?” She asks with a raised eyebrow, giggling a bit as she gives his arm a light squeeze. “What did you show him that spooked him so bad?” Before Dan can speak, Chris is at his side.

“He’s just embarrassed that Dan was flirting with him during the Jesus Power Hour.” “Dan, were you?” Louise gasped teasingly, and Dan sputters a bit, sliding his phone into his jacket pocket. “Chris-what?! No, no, I wasn’t flirting. I wasn’t! He just-when she mentioned the retreat-and the camp-” Dan’s face is bright red now, suddenly the words from Solomon seem a lot less goofy and a lot more...romantic, to outsiders, with their heads bowed together with dumb grins on their faces.

Louise and Chris shoot Dan equally doubtful looks. “Dan-” She starts, but Dan grits his teeth.

“We’re not-neither of us are like that.” He snaps. As she steps back and Chris raises an eyebrow, guilt starts to pool in his stomach, but he can’t stop. “For one, I’m not gay, and two, Phil is gonna be a priest, remember? Aren’t they, like, sworn to celibacy?”

Chris and Louise glance at each other. “Mate...chill, yeah? We were just joking. We know you’re not...y’know.” “Good.” Dan said before turning and stomping up the steps, the unnerving sense that the painting of Jesus had his eyes following him the whole way.

A few minutes later, Dan is sitting in the back garden of the church that Phil helps tend to after services, the wind whipping through his hair. Usually, he’d be walking to a Starbucks with Phil, discussing that session’s theme in-depth and watching Phil’s face turn pink as Dan releases the string of expletives he’s been holding in for an entire hour. The expletives are running through his head at top speed, as he spends about three minutes crafting the perfect text message.

hey, i’m sorry if i weirded you out today! didn’t mean to haha. i was goofing off way too much and i know you take these meetings p seriously. i’ll take it more seriously next time and not distract you

Dan hits send after rereading it about a million times, groaning audibly as he does. It’s not exactly a “Sorry I have a crush on you and made you seem gay but I get you’ll never like me and that’s fine I just wanna spend all my time with you”, but it’s the best he can do.

No worries! OMGosh I was just embarrassed 2 b called out like that hahaha! 0_o <= Literally my face. I was def the 1 who was whispering 2 loud. Lol! -Phil!

dude, it was totally on me. Dan texts back, chewing on his bottom lip. Phil had looked pretty freaked out, but if he was fine, maybe they could just...move past it? really, i started it.

Noooooooo! I take all the blame. I had some cookies b4 group and I was on major sugar rush. Btw...I had some of those cookies ur nan sent! Sorry, I’ll buy some snacks 4 us. Ask her to send more, tho? So good <3 Thank u! Take dancing men as an apology (/-_-)/ |(-_-|) -Phil!

okay, seriously, who taught you to text like this? my head hurts trying to decipher everything

DANCING MEN 4 U (/-_-)/ |(-_-\) ~(*-*)~ (/-_-)/ |(-_-\) -Phil!

you’re ridiculous. Dan can’t help but laugh, in spite of the churning feeling in his stomach. He drops his phone onto the grass next to him and looks up at the sky.

“If you know Phil so well, big guy, what do I do?” He asks before he can stop himself, before pausing. Half of him expects a thunderstorm to start, and him to get struck by lightning, or a rainbow to leap across the sky and the clouds to part to show Phil’s shining face as the sun. But after a few long moments of silence, Dan realizes he’s not going to get any divine intervention and groans.

“Well...let me know when you figure it out.”

The next couple of weeks go by quickly. Everything seems normal-they go to classes, they go to work, they go to group, they goof off. The four-day weekend creeps upon them, but before they know it the whole group is up at 6AM standing in front of a huge white van.

“This isn’t cult-ish at all.” PJ yawns, chucking his duffle bag into the trunk. Louise sips her coffee and squints over at Phil.

“This has to be a sin, you know. Not giving a girl her beauty sleep.” Usually, Phil would spout something about “being beautiful in His eyes”, but right now he’s getting the same sense of panic in his eyes that he had when the camp was first mentioned, laughing weakly as he adjusts his glasses. Dan is just awake enough to get the sense that Phil has been repressing the idea of the trip until this exact moment, but he also knows just how to fix it. He had been stockpiling on Phil knowledge for this exact moment.

Phil jumps a bit as Dan nudges him. “Relax. Listen, I know what’s up.” He says quietly, watching as his friend’s eyes widen and a blush spreads across his cheeks.

“What?!” Phil yelps a bit as Dan gently leads him away from the rest of the group. “I mean...what do you know? What’s up?” He asks quietly, fiddling with the strap of his messenger bag.

Dan holds back a fond noise as he smiles gently, shaking his head. “No need to be embarrassed, Phil. My mom went through the same thing for years.” As Phil looks more and more concerned, wringing his hands, Dan digs in his own backpack for a moment before pulling out a small box of Dramamine and handing it to him. “So you don’t upchuck all over us.”

There’s a beat as Phil stares down at the box, eyes wide, and Dan almost thinks he’s got it wrong. Does Phil not get carsick? Was he insulted? Was he really that embarrassed by it?

Phil finally starts to giggle, but it seems more relieved than anything. He nudges Dan lightly and opens his mouth to speak.

“Ah, Dan and Phil! The dynamic duo. You two can sit in the back with the bags!” Caroline’s voice cuts through whatever Phil’s about to say, and he turns to Dan with a small shrug.

“Looks like it’ll just be you I puke on.” He says, a slight grin on his face as he pulls the door open for Dan, who rolls his eyes but steps in “Gotta get you a poncho for the splash zone.” Dan gags playfully before squeezing in to sit next to Phil amongst all the bags, rolling his eyes and plugging his earbuds in before holding out one bud to Phil and turning on their shared playlist-a mix of indie, Christian rock, (mostly clean) emo jams, and Disney Channel top hits. It’s not the most welcoming thing to listen to at 6AM, but if it keeps Phil calm and Dan from actually needing a poncho, he’ll welcome it.

The majority of the drive is spent in and out of sleep for Dan, guitar chords and vocals bouncing around his sleep-deprived brain. He’s not fully conscious until around noon when they’re about an hour away from the camp. The roads are getting twisty, and it’s then that he notices that Phil has his eyes screwed shut and face scrunched up, both hands shoved into his messenger bag. It only takes a slight peek for Dan to see his fingers curled tightly around his well-worn Bible, and he bites his lip.

Phil talks about leaps of faith a lot in group. Dan doesn’t quite get it, but he’s pretty sure he’s taking one when he slides his hand into the other’s bag and gently coaxes Phil’s hand into his own. The young man stiffens up for a moment before turning to stare at Dan with wide eyes.

“Shush. It’ll help nausea.” Dan mumbles, his own face red and praying that Phil won’t ask how exactly it will. There’s a pause before Phil smiles weakly, turning his face away, and Dan is about five seconds away from opening the van door and hurtling himself onto the road.

Phil’s probably just been playing nice, and now Dan’s gone and made it uncomfortable for the both of them, and Phil can’t even look at him. Dan’s whole body turns hot, but right before he can pull away, he feels Phil’s slender fingers intertwine with his own.

It’s not the first time they’ve held hands-they do it at the start and end of study groups, and at church, and that one time Phil got them all to hold hands while standing on a hill to reenact the ending of High School Musical 2 for his Instagram. Dan was a bit flustered then, too. But this is different. It’s...intimate. Phil’s never held his hand with such need before, fingers locked with his and palm quivering gently as he mouths a silent “thank you.” Dan feels his entire body buzz, and he can’t help but close his eyes and try to focus on the music and not the fact that he feels like he’s literally twelve years old.

The rest of the ride somehow takes an eternity and only a minute before the van stops, Chris bemoaning his hunger loudly and the rest chattering excitedly. Phil finally opens his eyes and turns to Dan, slowly pulling his hand away.

They both look at their hands, and then back at each other. There’s a long pause before he opens his mouth, and Dan’s heart starts pounding so hard he’s surprised Phil can’t hear it.

All that Dan has thought about them staying platonic goes out the window. Dan wants nothing more than to lunge forward and shove his lips against Phil’s, to run his hands through his hair, to climb into his lap and- “I didn’t puke!” Phil blurts out loudly, loud enough that everyone hears. The group falls silent before one of the other young men, Raz, gives Phil a thumbs up. “Good for you, bud. C’mon, let’s get these bags up to the cabin, and then we can get some food to celebrate.” Phil laughs a bit too hard at that, face bright red. As he clamors out of the van he leaves Dan in the backseat, trying to climb over the mountain of bags as he watches his friend chatter away as if nothing happened. He watches for a moment before shaking his head quickly, trying to erase the memory from his mind. He was just making things more complicated than they needed to be. They didn’t share a moment. No way.

Dan hauls his bag over his shoulder and walks along with PJ and Lou, struggling to stop the loop of those ten seconds from playing in his head.

Dan liked that the Bible study group wasn’t too Jesus-y. It was more philosophical than anything. Even church was just an hour a week on the weeks he went, which was really only once a month when Phil promised brunch afterward.

This weekend, he and his friends had realized, seemed to be where the group could get enough Jesus to last them until the next retreat. It started with grace before lunch-simple enough. But then a pastor had started to preach to them during lunch. And then after lunch. And then afternoon Bible study-for two hours, with a lot more reading and praying than actual discussion. Pj, Chris, and Louise were clearly trying not to fall asleep, while Phil sat off a bit, eyes trained on either the priest or his Bible, hugging himself tightly as he stayed completely silent.

“It’s just so boring!” Louise groaned once they were all finally outside and out of earshot. “I’m sorry, I know this is what you want to do with the rest of your life, Phil, but we’re in nature! Why are we just stuck in some stuffy room listening to an old dude read for hours when we can see the cool stuff God apparently built for us?” “God wants me to climb some of those rocks over there.” PJ agreed, snapping a few pictures on his phone. “He tried to call me earlier to tell me so, but reception sucks here.”

Phil laughed a bit, but it’s definitely more hollow than his normal giggles. “I’m sorry, I-I really thought-”

“Wait. Haven’t you been here before?” Louise asked as PJ started jogging over to the huge rocks, Chris following shortly after. Phil paused before rubbing the back of his neck. “I-I mean, yeah, but-”

They’re both cut off by someone calling Phil’s name, and he whirls around to see the priest-the same “old dude” Louise had just been insulting-walk over and clap a hand on Phil’s shoulder. “Philip, you must have grown a full foot since I last saw you!” Dan glances over at Phil with a slightly surprised look. He knew Phil had been here before, sure. But to know this man? Someone who seemed so different from Phil in so many ways?

“O-Oh, Father Richard. Hey. Guys, Father Richard worked at the camp I came to a-a couple of years ago.” “And Philip was one of the finest boys there, wasn’t he?” If the man notices Phil shift from one foot to the other nervously, he sure doesn’t show it. “I mean, they were all wonderful young men, don’t get me wrong. But Philip-you’re truly going to be a man of the cloth. Don’t you both think?” Dan is watching Father Richard’s face closely, immediately feeling himself wanting to leave the conversation as soon as possible. If it wasn’t for Phil, he’d have made an excuse and walked off by now. It seems like Louise isn’t thrilled, either, but she smiles and nods a bit. “It’s clearly his passion, uh, Father Richard.”

“Oh, absolutely. As long as he keeps his head out of the clouds.” He throws his head back and laughs, Phil’s grin looking more like a grimace as he chuckles along. “I swear, this boy would lose his head if it wasn’t attached to him!” “I think Phil’s pretty smart, actually.” Dan says suddenly, a good bit of bite to his tone. He’s not sure why, but something about this guy gives him the creeps. He stares him in the eyes as he gets a surprised look from both him and Phil.

After a moment, he clears his throat. “Well...I suppose he’s matured a lot over the past two years. Good to see you again, boy. We’ll have to catch up.” With that he heads off, giving Dan a slightly curious look as he does so, and Phil watches him go before shaking his head.

“Jeez. Phil Lester Fan Club over here.” Louise teased gently before frowning. “What’s his deal?” Phil bit his lip and sighed. “That’s how he is.” He explained quietly, yelping as Louise pulled him into a tight hug.

“Philly…” She cooed before moving to sit on the grass with him, motioning for Dan to do the same. “Talk to us? You’re not usually closed off like this. We know something’s up.” Phil squirms, and Dan can tell he’s debating whether or not to lie. He’s seen it before-when Chris asked if he looked good in his new neon t-shirt, or when some girl asked him once if she was being too annoying after complaining about her roommate to them for five minutes straight. “I just...I came to this camp when I was younger and had different ideas than I do now.” He explains finally.

“Like how interesting that Richard guy was?” Dan tries to joke, instantly regretting it as Phil brings his knees to his chest and curls up into himself.

His voice gets quiet, as it does sometimes when things get serious in group meetings and he’s comforting someone with a verse or trying to explain a tough concept to Dan.

“Like...I was raised to think God ruled with a vengeance. If you sinned in any way, He would punish you. That’s what my parents said. We were supposed to fear Him, y’know? And when I came here...Father Richard pushed that hard.” Phil explained gently. “But I don’t think God’s like that. I think we’re all sinners-we all make mistakes. James 3:2 and all that. God loves us in spite of our flaws. Hearing him talk about God like he was so cruel, and then reading about His love for us...it was the first time it didn’t add up for me.”

Dan’s eyes widened. In all his time of knowing Phil-two months doesn’t sound like much, but it feels like a lifetime ago-he’s never once heard him speak against his parent’s beliefs. Sure, he could admit that they were a bit extreme at times, but it was always quickly followed with how their intentions were good and that everything had been great.

“And as someone who wants to be a priest, I don’t think the way to get people to turn to God is to scream at them until they repent and scare them into not sinning. I think you need to be like Jesus. Hate the sin, love the sinner.” He continued, forcing a tiny smile as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Because we’re all His children, after all. And He’s got a path for all of us-fear won’t guide us onto that.”

There’s a moment of silence before Louise reaches down, giving his hair an affectionate tousle. “You start preaching like that and I’ll come to your church every Sunday. I’ll even sing in the choir.” She joked. A slow beam spread across Phil’s face-a a genuine one, and he stood up before pulling her into a tight hug.

“Thank you.” He whispered. “Thank you both. I-If I had known he would’ve been here, I’d have at least warned you-”

“Shush, mate. You had no idea. Trust me, you’re way too much of a softie to lie to us, we know that.” Dan laughed a bit, giving Phil’s back a light pat. Phil giggled a bit before pulling away, taking a deep breath.

“Wanna go make sure Chris and Peej don’t crack their heads open?” He said finally, and before they could say anything the two of them were taking off towards the rocks, Dan chasing after both of them. Despite his grin, he still couldn’t help but feel like his head was heavy with questions. Father Richard had seemed boring, and a bit grumpy, but not angry. Were Phil’s changing beliefs really all that had happened?

Phil had seemed relieved to talk for a bit, but the mood shifted again once evening activities started. Father Richard had preached again during dinner-and again, nothing terrible happened. He made a few dry jokes, he talked about having “complete and total faith”, he read some long passages that Dan didn’t care about. He was too busy glancing over at Phil next to him, who had left his food practically untouched.

Then there are evening vespers, with Phil’s hands clenched together so tightly in prayer that his knuckles turn white and his fingernails dig into the skin. The firepit seems to be going well-he shares a s’more with Dan, but before he could get another he’s pulled aside by Father Richard. Dan’s sure at one point the two glance over at Dan, but then Phil’s walking back over, trying to look interested in some story one of the group members is telling as he brings his knees to his chest. Even Chris and PJ seem to notice that something’s going on, but with a pointed look from Dan, they give him some space.

They turn in for the night, but Dan wakes up way too early to find Phil curled up on his bunk pouring over his Bible. The bags under his eyes tell Dan that he didn’t sleep a wink last night, and he sighs. “C’mon, you gotta show me where the showerhouse is.” He says gently, and Phil looks up at him with a tired laugh. “Do I?” He teased weakly. After a minute though, he sits up and stretches. “Mmm...fine. But no chickening out.” With that he hops down from the bunk, peeling off his shirt before walking over to his bag.

Dan’s pretty sure he gulps audibly as Phil grabs a change of clothes and a towel, eyes wandering over him. Though Phil braved the communal showers at Uni, he was always sure to change in the stall-Dan had never seen him in so much as a pair of shorts that went higher than his knees. And yet, here he was. Dan would feel guilty about watching him, especially considering he knew Phil was having a tough time, but…

He couldn’t help it. His best friend looked hot as hell from behind. He couldn’t help but admire his slim frame, his lean but toned arms, and when he turned around, the slight smattering of chest hair that slowly turned into a happy trail that crept lower, into-

“I’m telling you now, if you forget a towel you’ll regret it.” He said, voice still low from sleep, and Dan snapped his head up. “Towel! Right! Let me go grab that.” He squeaked and quickly moved to grab it, trying to hide his flushed cheeks as he snagged a change of clothes as well. By the time he looked up Phil was already heading for the door, humming under his breath, and Dan followed him quickly.

After a few moments of silence, Phil spoke. “Father Richard is leaving tonight, so you won’t have to sit through his lectures after today. He’s just stopping by to talk to us. So we’ll have less worship-y stuff and more free time tomorrow.” Phil glanced over at Dan. “Sorry if I’m weird about it. I just..y’know.”

Dan nodded and relaxed into the shared feeling of relief, even if he didn’t exactly know what Phil was talking about. Before he could ask, though, they were at the small building-just a row of four stalls that looked like bathroom stalls, built out of wood. As Dan stepped inside and stripped-definitely not thinking about how Phil was doing the same just inches away, especially as he heard his sweatpants hit the ground-he rubbed his eyes. “Is there coffee here?”

“Oh, trust me, you don’t need coffee here.” Phil laughed a bit, a genuine one, and Dan raised an eyebrow, glancing over at where his head peeked over the stall.

“Dude, I’ve seen you-sweet fuck!” Dan shrieked as he turned the single knob on and freezing cold water shot out of a showerhead on the ceiling. “How the fuck do you get the hot water?!”

Phil was really laughing now, his witch cackle carrying over Dan’s screams. “No hot water at camp.” He sang playfully. “And no swearing, either, but-”

“Christ on a bike, no wonder you were fucking miserable here!” The words come out before he can realize it, and suddenly he freezes (as well as he can while shivering like mad), but Phil only laughs harder.

“You’re ridiculous, you know that?” Dan can hear the grin in his voice, and he lets out a long breath. “Whatever. Shitting fucking fuck! Let’s get this over with.”

Dan somehow manages to survive the worst shower of his life, his hair curling as he towels himself off before tugging on clothes and leaving the showerhouse. If it wasn’t for the bright smile on Phil’s face, he’d say it wasn’t worth it. But at least for right now, Phil is his old, giggly self again, and Dan comes to the realization he’d do just about anything to keep him like that.

Unfortunately for Dan, it doesn’t last long. As they’re walking back to the cabin, Phil glances across the way and sees Father Richard, walking through the trees. “Oh, shoot, c’mon-” Phil grabs Dan’s arm and tugs him along a bit faster, not looking behind him for nearly a full minute. As he glances over and sees the look on Dan’s face he finally stops, sighing softly. The joy from before is gone. “Sorry. I just...too early to try to handle that right now.” “Yeah, yeah, of course. Let’s just get going to the cabin, yeah? I’m still freezing.” Dan jokes weakly, and Phil tries to crack a smile, still looking uncomfortable as they walk along the trail in silence.

The rest of the day is disturbingly similar to yesterday, and the whole group is sensing that Phil is just...off. He’s usually eager to jump into discussions, but even when Father Richard gives them the chance to talk, Phil seems totally holed up in himself, mumbling something about wanting to give others a time to speak (which pushes the topic along to Louise, who fumbles it totally and is earned a condescending smile from Father Richard).

By lunch, Dan thinks he can’t sit through another hour of this. By mid-afternoon, he’s considering faking being possessed by Satan. And by dinner, he’s come up with about forty ways to fake the possession. The only reason keeping him from doing so is that when he mutters it to PJ he tells him to wait until after dinner-if he keeps Chris from food, he’ll have bigger things to worry about than a camp full of religious fanatics thinking he’s possessed.

They set the tables and then get in line to eat dinner. Dan immediately realizes Phil isn’t anywhere to be found, exchanging concerned looks with Louise. When they get five minutes into dinner and realize that Father Richard is also missing, he starts to worry.

What if Father Richard was...well, what would he do?

The truth is, Dan doesn’t know what the big deal is with this guy. He honestly doesn’t seem to be too bad, but the control he has over Phil’s emotions is genuinely weird. Still, he doesn’t want to cause a scene.

“Hey, Caroline!” He says, quickly jogging over to the young woman, and she gives Dan a kind smile. “Dan, hey! How have you been enjoying this so far?” She asked gently, resting a hand on his arm. “I know it can be intense, considering your, um...well, you weren’t exactly in the church before you joined us, and-”

“Caroline, it’s all great, but do you know where Phil is?”

She smiles and gives Dan’s arm a squeeze. “I’m so glad you two found each other, you know that? You guys are like-”

“Caroline.”

“Okay, okay. I won’t be mushy, even if you guys are my favorite freshmen.” She winked before waving her hand towards the door. “He’s out by the lake with Father Rich. They go way back, did you know?”

Dan nods slowly. It’s clearly not the answer he wanted, because Caroline leans in. “Don’t tell him I said this, but trust me, Phil’s not choosing Father Richard over you. You’re still his BFF.”

Wonderful. That’s the reassurance he needed right now, that Phil wasn’t going to choose a 65-year-old man to be his ‘BFF”. He manages to smile and thank Caroline before going to wait on the mess hall deck. If Richard was going to drag Phil away, then dammit, he was going to be the first to talk to him when he got back.

Phil doesn’t come back up to the mess hall for at least another hour. His eyes are rimmed red, and he’s alone. The second Dan hears his footsteps he shoots up. “Phil!” He shouts after he yanks his earbuds out, and Phil lets out a yelp, laughing shakily. “Oh my God, did he-did he make you cry?!”

Phil rubs his eyes quickly and giggles weakly. “Dan, I cry at everything. We cried together over that muffin in the dining hall on Wednesday, remember?”

Dan doesn’t look convinced in the slightest, but suddenly Phil’s arms are pulling him into a long hug. “We just had a long talk. Don’t tell me I missed anything?”

“They went on some dumb night hike, but-don’t tell me you wanted to go on the night hike?” He asked as he saw the disappointment on Phil’s face, frowning. “We can go! We can go right now, and meet them, and-” “Dan. Breathe, okay?” He giggled and led Dan inside. “Our group can go on our own little night hike tomorrow, I’ll survive. Besides. I haven’t gotten to spend time with you these past couple of days, and I’ve missed you.” Phil’s voice is a bit softer, and he gives him a shy smile.

Dan’s face turns red and he sits down in one of the faded couches, Phil flopping next to him. “It’s only been, like, a day and a half.” He mumbles.

“It’s been a long day and a half.” Dan nods slowly, looking up at Phil. “Is he gone?” “Yep. Just left camp now. Didn’t wanna make a fuss.” Dan can’t help but roll his eyes a bit at that, shaking his head. “Now, c’mon. Can we talk about something fun? Like…” He reaches out and snatches up an old copy of Women’s Health from a bin by the fireplace, clearly meant for kindling. “What advice can we find for two lovely women like ourselves?”

As he flutters his eyelashes at him, Dan can’t help but laugh, grabbing the magazine from him. The two swap it back and forth, giggling like children at the stupid advice and making fun of all the pictures. The tension from before melts away, and suddenly it’s just Dan and Phil, the two of them being absolute idiots and laughing over nothing. After the last day and a half, it feels amazing to just laugh.

When they finish that one they go to the next one in the bin. They read through issues of Runner’s World, Golf Digest, Christian Living, Better Homes and Gardens, and even a Highlights before Phil’s stomach lets out a loud growl.

“Oooh, I need some food. Why don’t I go grab us some snacks from the kitchen? There’s some board games in one of the closets, find something for us to play?”

With that, he’s up and going into the kitchen, and Dan wanders over to one of the closet doors. Sure enough, he sees some old board game boxes peeking out behind some moving boxes. Dan goes to move one out of the way when he catches a peek of the pile of brochures inside. His eyes run over the text and clip-art outline of a strong-looking man. Program Judges 6:12 at Camp Brabeck: For teen boys and young men struggling with sexual impurity.

Sexual impurity? Dan grabs the brochure and flips it open.

Today, our young men are raised in a culture where abnormal lifestyles are being accepted, even praised and celebrated. It’s no wonder that more youth than ever before are turning out oversexualized and confused, and more than ever are struggling with same-sex desires...

From there on, the words start to blur together for Dan, and he flips the brochure over.

And then Dan sees it. In the top corner is Father Richard, smiling wide.

With his hand on Phil’s shoulder.

Dan feels his stomach churn violently as he looks at younger Phil. There’s no way it could be anyone else. Even if he’s a bit shorter, and his hair isn’t dyed, Dan’s studied Phil’s face long enough to know it’s him. As Dan grips the picture frame in his hands, Phil’s words from yesterday come back to him, hitting his chest like rocks.

“Hate the sin, love the sinner.”

Phil worked with Father Richard, at this-this “camp”, this place. They worked together.

“God loves us in spite of our flaws.”

Not only was Phil not gay, thus extinguishing the slightest bit of hope he had, but Phil was actively homophobic. Phil worked at a bloody conversion therapy site, for fuck’s sake.

“He’s got a path for all of us.”

Phil wasn’t uncomfortable about Father Richard-he was uncomfortable about Dan and their friends being around Father Richard, and them finding out just what a homophobic, lying, fake-

“I found Pop-Tarts!”

Phil’s voice interrupts the swirling thoughts in his head, and he slowly turns, holding the brochure up. “Were you ever going to mention this?” Phil’s face goes pale. “I...Where did you…” He whispers, but Dan growls. Actually growls. Red hot anger is taking control now as days, weeks, months, years of suffocated emotions rises to the top suddenly. A lifetime of not fitting in, a lifetime of hiding, and to be rejected by Phil-like this.

“Nice pic of you and your friend, Phil. You worked with him on this? You and Richard, two pals-and you knew we’d judge you for it, so you just decided not to tell us?!”

“Wait, wait, Dan, no. It’s not like that. That’s not what-” Phil tries to butt in. Dan isn’t having it.

“Do you realize what kind of damage you do to people, Phil?! You can’t act like-like Little Mr. Innocent about this, this is some seriously fucked up shit you’ve done!” Dan’s properly yelling now, getting to his feet and not even stopping as Phil cowers back. “And-And worst of all, you hid it from us! You talk like you love everyone, hiding behind your stupid flowery language, but you’re a total fucking hateful dick!”

Phil suddenly stands as well, putting his hands in front of his chest, but irritation is creeping into his voice. “Daniel. Listen to me, you don’t understand. I’m not hateful-” “Oh-Oh yeah? Not hateful, huh? Not hateful when you say ‘gay is an artificial construct, created to celebrate people’s sinful homosexual desires’? Or when your stupid fucking camp goes to ‘remove young men from their unhealthy environment to bring them to Jesus and see the errors they’re making’?” Dan’s reading directly from the pamphlet now. “That doesn’t sound loving, Phil!”

“Dan, let me-” “There is literally nothing you could say to make this better. You think you’re helping, don’t you? But you’re just-just spreading hate, and-” Dan’s words are cut off as Phil suddenly grabs him by the back of his head, pulling him into a hard kiss. For possibly the first time in his life, Dan is rendered speechless, especially a few moments later when Phil pulls away and his eyes well up.

“Dan…” He choked out, sinking down onto the couch and starting to sob. “I didn’t-I didn’t-” After a moment he grabs the brochure weakly. “I didn’t work at the camp.” He chokes out finally, and Dan just stands frozen in place. “I was a camper.”

Dan hates that he doesn’t know whether he should trust him or not. But...this is Phil, crying ugly, hard sobs, and he can’t help but feel his heart break in two. “A...camper?” He asks slowly, moving to sit next to him but keeping his distance.

Phil lets out a pained noise but nods. “I signed up to go. Because I kept having these-these dreams, and these urges. And I thought if I did everything right, if I listened to Father R-Richard…” He has to stop himself to catch his breath as it comes quicker, curling into himself and resting his head on his knees. “I thought if I could be perfect, I could b-be like him. A priest. A husband, to a wife. A father to my k-kids. An ex-homosexual.” He said, tears streaming down his face. “Dan, I-I tried so hard…” Dan frowns, running a hand through his hair slowly. “You can’t just-I mean, I don’t think it works like that, Phil,” Dan says after a moment, and Phil nods quickly. “I know, I know. God knows I know. They tried everything on m-me. I mean, everything. But the more they did, the more angry I got, with myself, with Richard, with God. I hated God, Dan, I hated him so much, and I did all this stuff…” Dan can’t stop himself but reaching out and taking his hand at that, and Phil clings to it almost instantly. “I lied, and I ripped up my Bible, and I did stuff with the other guys there…”

Dan blinked a few times. For Phil, that was intense, and he can hear the guilt and true sorrow in his voice. “You-I mean, no offense, but kissing a few guys and tearing up a book aren’t exactly unforgivable sins.” He says, hoping to bring him comfort. To his surprise, Phil laughs sadly.

“I did more than just kiss, trust me. When Richard found me in the showers with one of the guys-”

At that Dan’s eyes nearly bug out of his head. Phil, who half an hour ago was blushing at ads for tampons, in the showers with a guy? “He-He decided I needed more intense therapy. It was hours and hours of just being told how disgusting I was, being shown these videos, being preached at, b-but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t stop feeling like I did.”

“Phil…” Dan feels his broken heart finally crumble. He pulls him into a hug, letting him sob into his hair.

“F-Finally I just lied my way th-through it. That’s what m-most of us do. And then I was th-the big success story, and they took that dumb picture, and it was finally over. I went home, and I was so mad I decided I’d go through my Bible-the nice, new one my parents had bought me, when they heard that ‘somebody’ tore up my old one-to s-see how wrong I was before and how terrible He was. So I stayed up for nearly a week, no school, no nothing. Just reading.”

Phil pulled away to reach out, grabbing his copy of the Bible from his bag “ And as I read, I…”

He took a deep breath as he opened it up and slowly turned the pages, motioning to the Post-Its and notes littering the scripture. “I didn’t find that. I found a God that wanted me to love-He wanted me to love my family, and my friends, and my neighbors, and-and guys. He wanted me to love you. He wanted me to love you, romantically.” At that, Dan feels his heart stop and he gently moves to look Phil in the eyes. “You really think that?” He whispered, Phil nodding quickly as he ran a hand through Dan’s hair.

“God gave us all the ability to love-fully, and deeply, and wonderfully. And-And I love you, so much. I didn’t want to freak you out, and I’m not ready to be out, but-” This time it’s Dan’s turn to cut him off with a slower, gentler kiss. “Shh. We don’t have to tell anyone.” He murmured.

“It can just be us?” Phil asked in a small voice. “Just you and me?”

At that, Dan is pretty sure he’s going to explode, because dear God that’s all he’s ever wanted. He wants to scream, he wants to jump up and down, he wants to run down the fucking mountain and throw rocks at Father Richard’s car-

Instead, Dan takes a deep breath before smiling and nodding. “Just me and you.” He agreed quietly.

He leaned in and kissed Phil again, cupping his cheeks. This time was gentler, and Phil let out a soft, relieved noise as his lips moved against Dan’s and he pulled Dan close to him.

“I love you,” Dan says once they pull away. “I love you, I love you, I love you-”

“Have I ever read you Proverbs 17:28?” Phil interrupts with a giggle. Dan raises an eyebrow but grabs Phil’s Bible, flipping to it.

Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.

“Did you just ask me to shut up and keep kissing you through a Bible verse?!” Dan whined, but he can’t help but grin as Phil kept laughing, nodding as he connected their lips again.

Time seems to stand still. Two minutes, five minutes, ten minutes, ten hours, ten years-Dan can only guess how much time has passed when they hear the group off in the distance. “Shit-shit, okay, one last-” Dan jerked away but Phil giggled, grabbing the plate of Pop-Tarts and Dan’s hand before dragging him outside. He took him out a bit before they got down to the lake, sitting on the sand and wrapping his arms around Dan. Dan pauses before shyly climbing into his lap, and then they’re kissing again, Phil only pausing to catch his breath and murmur “I’m sorry you thought I could be homophobic.” “I’m sorry I didn’t ask before jumping to conclusions.” “I’m sorry I didn’t open up about what had happened.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t keep you away from Father Richard.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t keep you away from Father Richard.” “I’m sorry I couldn’t have been that guy in the showers with you.” The words leave Dan’s mouth before he can stop himself-humor is a coping mechanism for him, but right now, he wants to kick himself when he hears Phil’s gasp.

“Oi! Not yet, at least.” He said with a slight laugh, pressing his lips to Dan’s cheek and watching as his face burns red. He grins and presses a few pecks to his lips before looking up at the sky.

“...You really think God wants this for us?” Dan says and Phil closes his eyes, snuggling closer.

“‘For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:113 to 114’.” Phil recited quietly. “God made us fearfully-like, with great awe and respect of us-and wonderfully. He made us find each other, he made us love each other.” He kissed Dan’s nose. “So that’s us. Fearfully and wonderfully made.” Dan looks at Phil with a soft smile, a bit worn from all the excitement of the day, but feeling...free. “Fearfully and wonderfully, huh?”

Phil nods, and Dan pulls him even closer.

“I could get used to that.”

#phan #dan howell #phil lester #dan and phil #phanfiction #phanfic #phanfic au

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itsaidanblack · 4 years

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◦ × ♛ — intro.

⌠ JACK MULHERN, 23, MALE, HE/HIM ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, AIDAN BLACK! according to their records, they’re a THIRD year, specializing in KNIFE FIGHTING SKILLS, SWORD TRAINING, PRECISION SHOOTING, FIREARMS & SWAT TRAINING; and they DID go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (a sarcastic smile, the glint of silver rings, a cloud of cigarette smoke, graffiti on concrete, a flash of crimson). when it’s the (scorpio)’s birthday on 10/28/1998, they always request MOZZARELLA STICKS from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. ⌿ lily, 19, she/her, gmt ⍀

@gallagherintro

♛ CONNECTIONS PAGE ♛ PINTEREST ♛ ABOUT ♛ STATS ♛ BIOGRAPHY ♛ INTRO ♛

hello hello! i’m back with another child, everyone welcome my british bastard boy aidan. he’s a legacy kid who grew up filthy rich but hates his family and his upbringing, and is just lil bit of a criminal, really!

[ c h a r a c t e r ; ]

&. basics

full name: Aidan Dean Black

nicknames: Dan, Danny

age: 22

orientation: bisexual

relationship status: single

date of birth: october 28th, 1998

hometown: windsor, england

gender: cismale

language(s) spoken: English, French, German

accent: standard british

&. personality

mbti: ISTP

temperament: phlegmatic/choleric

star sign: scorpio

element: water

enneagram type: type 4, the individualist

five positive traits: perceptive, intuitive, determined, independent, resourceful

five negative traits: destructive, pessimistic, blunt, aggressive, temperamental

likes: adrenaline rushes, spray-painting graffiti, hot drinks, going out in the middle of the night, the smell of gasoline, the night sky, knives, london, skateboarding.

dislikes: formal events, his parents, the color yellow, mushrooms, prejudiced people, heavy perfume

bad habits: smoking, doing drugs, drinking

hobbies: graffiti, skateboarding, drinking, getting high, sketching

fears: never amounting to anything, enclosed spaces, heights, needles

[ s t o r y ; ]

background:

aidan grew up in a filthy rich family of spies/assassins as the youngest of six children

his siblings are all very skilled in their respective areas of espionage, and their parents were ruthless and cold towards them to ensure they focused on their training

aidan’s great grandfather was the chief of intelligence at mi5 in the 1950s, so his family has a name and an image already set for them - prim, proper, and excelling in their own unique field of espionage

aidan grew up feeling inadequate - he wasn’t as good as any of his siblings, and his parents were merciless when it came to reminding him of the fact

his siblings weren’t much help either, trained to be the best, they only made his inadequacy more obvious the older they all got

his childhood was filled with training, fancy dinners, being forced to smile and meet friends of the family even if he was bruised and battered from training earlier

aidan began to become insolent, not showing up for training or deliberately failing his homeschooling to piss off his family

his parents were outraged and decided enough was enough, sending him away to a boarding school in america when he was 12

aidan, sick of feeling like he’d never amount to anything, decided to lean into his role as the black sheep of the family

he started to use what he’d been taught against the school, sneaking out at night, graffitiing the walls, stealing things from stores all around london

he actually loved his boarding school when he first began -- enjoying being away from his family, not compared to his siblings, and studying normal subjects instead of things like ‘which artery to sever for the swiftest death’

he amassed a small group of friends, impressing them with his training and ability to break into anything, win fights against the older students, and lockpick

he was able to avoid punishment for a while, and expulsion wasn’t an option when his parents were huge benefactors of the school

so the school adapted, became more vicious in their punishments

started refusing him meals, locking him in cupboards to keep him from sneaking out

and when he started picking the locks of the cupboards, they installed heavy duty padlocks against the doors

this is where he developed his claustrophobia, from being stuck in the closet sometimes even overnight in the pitch black

these punishments eventually wore him down enough that he stopped misbehaving so intensely at the school

and when his parents gave him the ultimatum -- attend a prep school for spies, or stay at the school, he agreed to finally behave and follow his parent’s path for him

despite his misbehaviour, aidan is still very good at what he does - call it genetics, but every member of their family excels at being spies or assassins

when he graduated his prep school with top marks, despite his past bad behaviour, his parents sent him to blackthorne to continue his studies, hoping that by the time he completes college he’ll be good enough to show off, like the rest of his siblings

during his time at prep school, he began to realize that he is bisexual, and fell in love with another legacy boy

their parents, though, were both intensely disapproving of both their sexualities and the relationship itself, and broke them up right before blackthorne

aidan now has a complex about love, and more specifically, the fact that he is incapable and unworthy of actual love

his first year at blackthorne went fine, and aidan actually enjoyed began to enjoy his studies, but he never stopped misbehaving, bitter from his childhood and his parents’ tampering of his relationship

( and also possibly just for the simple joy of constantly having reports sent home about his bad behaviour )

now:

don’t get me wrong - aidan is very good at what he does.

he’s quite the talented marksman and sharpshooter, and given a knife in a fight, he’ll most likely win

even without his legacy name he would have gotten a place at gallagher

he’s a bit of a bastard, at times, and a sullen one, too -- but he doesn’t mean anyone harm

he simply likes to always be honest and says things that are probably best left unsaid

he still sneaks out at night, often, to just be alone and roam around unsupervised, a remnant of both his childhood under constant surveillance, and his time at boarding school where nights were often spent locked in a cupboard

nasty smoking habit developed while at blackthorne, as well as his habit of getting drunk and/or high whenever possible in order to let loose

( he has a very unhealthy relationship with his emotions )

he loves to graffiti, and does so often, as an outlet for his creative drive and desire to vandalize things

but, all in all, he does really like it at gallagher, and doesn’t necessarily want to get kicked out, so he makes sure he’s subtle and not too destructive

he sometimes writes with his five older siblings, although most of them are as bad as his parents - he’s the closest to oscar, his second oldest brother, and kitty, his older sister

he wears a lot of blacks and grays, and basically dresses like an e-boy, but he may or may not stab you if you bring that up

he likes to sketch, but if you tell anyone that he’ll kill you, having had it drilled into him at a young age that art is useless and for people without real talent

he carries a gray butterfly knife around with him everywhere, as it was a gift from his eldest sister for his success at prep school

[ W A N T E D C O N N E C T I O N S ; ]

not-so-friendly ― while aidan is a very charming asshole, he is still sometimes the worst, and i can see a few people he pissed off or insulted or something

partners in crime ― aidan’s a little vagabond, and loves to graffiti stuff and sneak into places he’s not meant to be, and i want some people to get into deep shit with him

family friends ― the black family is quite high-profile, what with his parents running an empire and all of his older siblings being talented spies/assassins themselves, so i can imagine there’s a lot of people at gallagher that he recognizes

blackthorne friends ― aidan went to blackthorne for a year before gallagher, so i want some people who did the transfer with him.

friends ― he may act like an asshole, but he’s a nice asshole

family ― there’s probably a few people related to him roaming around, so if you want a cousin or something let me know!

please hit me up to plot !

#intro #gallagher:intro

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the-dan-sargent · 4 years

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Moffle Phillips is a Normal Human: Part I

By Dan Sargent

This semester I took a creative writing class, and began writing a story about one of my characters, Moffle the Alien, for the final assignment. I wanted to share it, so I decided to drop it on here! Hope you enjoy, and feedback is highly appreciated!!

Story synopsis:

Raised as a human, Moffle the alien was taught to always put his best foot forward and act as “normal” as possible (by human standards, at least). This includes hiding his more “alien” behaviors and keeping his true form a deep secret. Ashamed of what he truly looks like, Moffle has always had to act and look completely different from who he truly is. But what happens when Moffle ends up getting close to one of his classmates, Mars? Join Moffle on his journey through opening up to others and learning that there’s no better person to be than yourself.

Part I under the cut!

“Hello there, it is very nice to meet you! My name is Moffle, and I am currently having a panic attack in my bedroom. Don’t worry! This kind of thing is normal for me, I have these on quite the regular basis. If you’re wondering why my brain is imploding on itself this time, it is because I made a grave mistake today. I ruined my life completely and can now never show my face to anyone ever again. It all began this afternoon, after my very first day at my new school, Red Valley High.

Being an alien from another planet, I’ve never really gotten the chance to meet many human beings throughout my life. Before high school I had always been homeschooled, and as a result had never gotten close to anyone outside of my family. I’ve had a few friends, mostly from the internet or from space camp, but I’ve never really been very close with anyone. For as long as I can remember, I have dreamed of living alongside humans and going to an actual school. And now I finally had the chance to really do it!

My day started off very well. I got out of bed after hardly getting a lick of sleep, put on my human form (and first-day outfit), ate breakfast, and left for school. Most humans would walk or take the bus to school, but I just flew there instead. Yes, you heard me right. I’ve got flying powers, and they’re very convenient. I’m technically not supposed to be using them, but as long as I’m invisible whenever I’m flying I should be in the clear, right? That’s how I see it, at least. That being said, please don’t tell my mom that I’ve been flying in public. Once I got to school, I made my way to the principal’s office, where I was given my class schedule and sent off on my merry way.

I made it to my homeroom with little difficulty, and once I was seated I looked down at my schedule. At the very top of the page was my name, Moffle Phillips, followed by my year, freshman. I barely paid any mind to the piece of paper as I practically vibrated in excitement out of my seat. I was finally among a whole lot of kids my age, and it felt so right. This was where I belonged. Or, at least, that’s what I kept telling myself over and over. Sure, I was an alien. In that way, I was quite different from all of the people who were surrounding me. That might have led to me standing out a bit, like how I stood out a bit everywhere else I went. But that didn’t matter. I was in my human form, and I was still a fourteen-year-old kid, just like practically everyone else in the classroom (excluding the teacher, of course). As long as I looked and acted like a normal kid, everything would be smooth sailing. It was going to be a piece of cake, since trying to blend in with humans was something I’d been doing all my life. Sitting in silence, I tried to convince my brain that high school was, without a doubt, the place for me. After a few more minutes of doodling and twiddling my thumbs, homeroom was over and I was ready to make my way to my next location.

As it so happened, my first class of the day was astronomy! As someone who is as passionate about space as I am, of course I leapt at the chance to take a space-themed class. My entire life, I’ve always found everything about space to be extremely cool and very interesting. I couldn’t resist taking an class on my favorite thing. Plus, it would give me the opportunity to talk about space with a bunch of other people equally fascinated by it!

I got to class and sat next to the first friendly-looking face I saw. I grinned widely at him and introduced myself. Giving me a friendly smile, he told me his name was Parker. I then talked to Parker about space, about stars, about other planets, other galaxies; and finally, about aliens. I was so happy to be talking about space, that I didn’t even notice that class was beginning until I saw the teacher, and all of my classmates, angrily glaring at me. I turned to Parker and saw that even he was giving me a deadpan expression that told me I had rambled on too much. Let’s just say, that was a little embarrassing. However, before my brain could be hit by a wave of regret, the lesson began, and I instantly forgot my embarrassment. Let’s just say, listening to people talk about space for forty-five minutes straight was dreamier than I could ever imagine!

From then on out, the rest of my day was just as magical. As I went from class to class, everything was going extremely well. Not only was I able to observe humans up close all day, but I was even getting a few opportunities to introduce myself and talk to them! Before today, the only other humans I had interacted with were my family and my friends at space camp. But now that I was in human school, I could talk to a whole bunch of people every single day! It was the most thrilling experience of my whole life!

At the end of my perfect first day of school, I got my belongings together and found a restroom to go invisible in. I slipped into a stall, sat on the toilet, and took a breather to take in the day. I had done it. I had survived my first day of school. And it was awesome! I no longer had any doubts on whether or not I fit in. Not only did I fit in, but a lot of the people I met seemed like they thought I was cool! It felt so good, and at that point I felt absolutely certain that Red Valley high was where I belonged. After sitting for a bit, grinning wildly, joyously screaming into my backpack, and collecting myself, I was all set to fly home. I took a moment to go invisible, and then flew over the stall door toward the restroom’s exit.

It was then that I immediately messed up everything I had worked so hard for.

I swung the door open to leave, and then instantaneously--while invisible--crashed into a girl who was about to enter the restroom. I would have completely fallen on top of her, too, if I hadn’t used my flying powers to save me at the last minute. Hovering mere inches above her, I turned to face the girl, still invisible, and saw that she had very clearly been crying. Her thick glasses were hastily placed atop her head and there were streaks of mascara running down her cheeks. Her phone had fallen on the ground beside her, and upon accidentally glancing at its screen I noticed she had been in a call with her mother. I wanted to help her up. I wanted to ask her what was the matter. But I couldn’t, not without completely revealing who I was. So I didn’t. Instead, I darted back a few feet before flying away in fear. It felt as if everyone’s eyes were burning into me as I bolted out of the building. I only hope that I managed to stay invisible while all of that happened, or else I’d be in real trouble.

And that’s how I almost ruined everything I had worked so hard to earn. Great first day, am I right? In fact, it reminds me of another incident that happened a couple of years ago during my first summer at space camp.”

Click here to read Part II!

MY BLOG

MY PORTFOLIO

#creative writing #writing #author #writer #story #fiction #alien #space #new kid #first day of school #superpowers #fitting in #standing out #fiction writer #writing exercise

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rylie-barton · 5 years

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⌜ CIS FEMALE, SHE / HER | the hearse by matt maeson, gryffindor, infp ⌟ ⏤ meet RYLIE NATALIA BARTON ; a TWENTY TWO year old who kind of resembles WILLA HOLLAND, don’t you think? she originally hailed from NEW YORK CITY where she lived with her parents, CLINT BARTON & NATASHA ROMANOFF ( MARVEL ), but word is that she’s been making strides to rejoin shield and finish her law degree this past year. she’s always been pretty AUDACIOUS & COMPASSIONATE, but has gotten way more CODEPENDENT & PRIDEFUL since she woke up. maybe her ability of WEAPON PROFICIENCY and power of INNATE COMBAT can help in taking down the dome. you can check out her stat page HERE& her pinterest board HERE.

i was a woman who thought only of dead things ( all the time ). i couldn’t HELP it.

part one of two : the backstory. ( trigger warnings for talk of death, drug / alcohol abuse.

born on july 21st, 1996, to clint barton & barbara morse. the youngest of three children, lewis and callum were five and nine respectively at the time of her birth.

her mother and brothers died in a house fire when she was just three months old ; the files concerning the accident are blacked out and encrypted, and the story given to rylie amounts to ‘your mother went missing in action.’

understandably, she’s always wanted to know more ; unfortunately, she’s never had the means in which to find anything out.

raised by clint. really loved, but vaguely overprotected. ‘aunt nat’ was in her life from minute one, essentially, a shoulder for clint to lean on and a motherly presence that rylie found she craved. in time, they got married. it never felt anything but natural.

she was raised alongside the rest of the next gen ; troy banner, dan rogers, calder thorson & phoebe stark. they were and remain the closest thing to siblings that rylie has ever had, and as the youngest, she got to annoy them endlessly and still be assured that whatever may have happened down the line, they would always have her back.

as a little girl, rylie’s dreams amounted to little more than being the prima balllerina of her company. if she couldn’t be that, she would have settled for being an award winning pianist. she was a remarkably ordinary little girl, the only thing completely out of the norm about her being the fact that her father had her trained from the time she could walk to use a weapon, and her stepmother had her taught well how to fight.

her time in school was... tough, to put it mildly. she was homeschooled at certain points, and moved around a lot for others. kids could be cruel, and rylie’s self esteem was never destined to be that good.

rylie’s lift changing can be pinpointed as the moment that shield enlisted her, along with the rest of the next gen. she was just a LITTLE KID - playing dress up in between recitals, saving the world before she’d ever really even lived in it. they were kids trained for war. how could any of them have ever been well adjusted?

she dropped out of ballet. she stopped attending her piano lessons. the only thing that mattered was working with her team. how stupid she feels, now, to have been so caught up in trying to be an adult that she forgot to have a childhood.

her friends meant EVERYTHING to her.

she started attending the same school as phoebe because the other girl made a strong case to clint for rylie, so she wouldn’t have to go through another year of torment. she didn’t just LOVE her. she wanted to be her. to compare to the beautiful and intelligent and utterly flawless phoebe stark was something that she always knew would be impossible, but tried to do, anyway.

troy was her BIG BROTHER. he still is. when she was scared of storms, he would stay awake and hold her through the night to help her through. they teased one another mercilessly, but at the end of the day, they always knew just how much they loved one another - it was all in good spirit, and at points, it was what both of them needed.

daniel, the voice of reason - not just for rylie, but for everyone. she always looked up to him, both as a leader and as a friend. he made good calls. he tried to do right by everyone. it wasn’t easy to do - and looking back, rylie hates how it all rested on his shoulders when he was just a KID - but he did it anyway.

and calder...- she’s always loved him, even when it was difficult. back then, it wasn’t. he was always a stoic, but how much he loved them all was evident. he was her training partner and best friend, always present, even when he didn’t know what to say, or do.

the five of them were like some kind of mismatched breakfast club, but no one in the world understood what it was like to grow up with heroes for parents as well as they did.

and then PHOEBE died. rylie was sixteen years old. the rest of them weren’t much older. loki attacked avengers tower while their parents were away on a mission, and she tried to protect calder ; it wasn’t anybody’s fault except loki’s that she fell that day, but they all shouldered the guilt regardless. rylie never was the same.

in the months after, rylie tried to numb the pain, the responsibility. she couldn’t sleep, so she took pills that were meant to help. when they didn’t, she took more. the subsequent overdose was swept under the carpet, the choice to send her to wda alongside the rest of the guys their way of trying to bring some life back to her, after. it was phoebe’s dream they were living, after all. maybe being there with them would help.

believe it or not : it DIDN’T. walt disney academy was living under the threat of the darkness at the time, and rylie was one of many students who fell victim. while on a mission with shield in late 2014, she was shot ; it was a horrible event that weakened rylie more than just in her resolve, and months later, the darkness took hold. under its influence, she hurt people that she didn’t know, and she hurt one’s that she did, too. her freedom was temporary, she and many other students were taken over once more, and troy saved the day by drawing out the good ; but enough had been enough.

rylie turned to alcohol. the rest was history. she drank to sleep. she drank to get herself through the day. she drank when she was happy, when she was achingly sad, when she was just trying to feel something. she would go on weekend benders that bled into the weeknights when the littlest inconvenience happened, and drunk, she made some truly horrible decisions with some truly terrible people. she kept hurting the people she loved. she kept ruining her relationships. it became a cycle, wash and repeat.

whatever she might have had with emmett wicks, a rock she leant on during the early darkness saga, was gone as quick as it came. rylie got too involved too quick with alexander kaligaris, with disastrous results. we know how unhealthy that particular relationship turned out.

shield suspended her from active duty in early 2017. she was over the legal limit to drive and still thought she could go on a mission for them, and she could have gotten her whole team killed. she didn’t, but it didn’t matter. they were right to do what they did, but rylie took it personally ; she lashed out. she made bad choices. she had lost the ONLY thing she really had left. her father wanted to pull her from school to try and help, and she point blank refused. it caused a rift between them, for understandable reasons. without her dad, without her family, without many of her friends - rylie just got worse.

in the summer of ‘17, the school suffered from an earthquake during prom. rylie took a hard fall, and the resulting head trauma damaged her eardrum. it wasn’t her father coming back to support her during the subsequent operation to try and fix it that gave rylie a wake up call. it was her pregnancy, discovered a few weeks later ; rylie always loved, and alex always left. one mistake from the two of them caused a bigger one that spooked her. rylie made the choice to have an abortion. she took control of her own life, for once, instead of allowing it spin even more out of control - and she started attending alcoholics anonymous, almost immediately after.

part two of two : what u missed on glee.

rylie has been sober for 21 months and counting. it’s as hard for me to believe it as it is for you all, i’m sure ; but she’s been doing BETTER. she’s been back training, brushing up on some old skills that she let get rusty. she’s healthy, too, the sallow look to her skin that everyone got accustomed to long gone. to say it was easy for her, or that she didn’t have moments of doubts, would be... totally incorrect. she’s just been fighting through.

she was one more bad month away from flunking out of her law degree, the last time y’all saw her ; but she’s picked up in the past year, really knuckling down to try and catch up, for one, and do better, for another. she’s still worried that she’s going to have to do an extra year, to finish, but she’s dedicated to doing so if she’s GOTTA.

her relationship with her father? fixed. clint has always put rylie above all else, and never would have even required the apologies she gave, really. likewise with the relationship she has with natasha. both of them forgive her for her weakness, though it’s unlikely that rylie ever will. we love on ( 1 ) girl with a guilt complex.

the one thing that ISN’T fixed is her hearing, at least not 100%. she has a loss of fifty nine db in her right ear, and that’s probably never going to change. it makes her and her father even more alike, though i’m sure clint would have rathered the similarities not be so much.

as of right now, she’s prepping for a hearing with the board of directors at shield on whether she should be reinstated as an active agent. she’s passed all of the physicals, and she’s been in therapy for about as long as she’s been sober, working through her issues. she’s still got miles to go, but they’re certainly optimistic. rylie moved past feeling hard done by a long time ago, and now she just... wants to be a part of the agency, again, in a way where she can actually be of help.

#wda: intro #do u know how hard it is to abridge rylie's life #it's so unfortunate #about rylie

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daniactuallysnuffledthatpopcorn · 6 years

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Painting Flowers (Chapter 1)

[A/N] My camp Nano project from April 2014. Heavily edited.

Summary: Dan has come to accept that his psychotic episodes and hallucinations are here to stay, when he meets Phil Lester. Although Phil can't fix Dan, he does give him something to fight for. Something to try for, one last time.

WARNINGS: Mentions of self harm and suicide. Deals with mental illness, hallucinations and psychotic episodes.

Word count: 3K

next chapter->

Dan had considered homeschooling quite a lot over the past few years. Every time he walked from the hotel where he lived to the high school three blocks away the option crossed his mind. He’d ponder until Oasis would speak up, and tell him that if he really couldn’t take it anymore it would always be an option. They always left it at that.

Then on the way home, Dan would tell himself that hey, he made it through another day! All he had to do was get up the next day and do the same thing again. He tried to keep those same thoughts in mind as he ignored the kids who called him names and looked at him funny. He was a bit strange, after all, he knew that. The Captain told him that a lot and he could see the strange on himself every time he looked in the mirror.

He pushed the doors into the great hall open and walked toward his locker. He hated this hall. It made him feel small and vulnerable to have to cross it every day, as if everyone around him was staring at him and judging him from afar, even though he knew they weren’t.

His locker combination was his mother’s birth year. He smiled when he thought about her for a few seconds as he unlocked the door. It swung open and allowed him a look at the perfectly ordered rows of books inside. They were all stacked on top of each other, three rows in total of each nine books. He carefully pulled one of the books on the upper row out and shoved it in his bag, before replacing it with another one coming from his backpack.

“Physics first period?” Oasis asked him. She was standing beside his locker, her cheerful face was looking up at him, all bright eyes and rosy cheeks.

He nodded at her.

“Did you do the homework?” The cat was sitting on the other side of him. He licked his paw and gave Dan a triumphant look.

They were his majors, as his parents liked to call them. The other hallucinations came and went, but Oasis and The Captain hadn’t left his side in years.

“Yes, I did.” Dan replied. He slammed his locker shut and swung the bag back over his shoulder. His classroom was on the second floor, which meant they had to take the stairs. The Captain didn’t like stairs - he had difficulty getting up the steps - and Dan often hoped that maybe, just maybe, The Captain would be left downstairs some time. So that he would leave Dan alone, even if it was just for one hour. But the cat never did. He always managed to get up the stairs one way or another and would then proceed to give Dan a mean look, as if it was his fault that this classroom just happened to be on the second floor. Back at the hotel they had a lift. Dan’s bedroom was on the fourth floor, so he always had to take it to get up there. He himself didn’t like lifts, they made him feel confined, with no way out; he wouldn’t be strong enough to break open the door in case of emergency, he’d be trapped. Oasis, however, loved the lift, as she liked to play around with the mirrors on its walls as they went up. It was two against one, so the lift it was. Dan didn’t have much of a choice.

When he walked into his classroom he found one other boy, sitting in the back of the room with his feet on his desk and earphones in. His head moved to the beat of the song he was listening to. As he was sat on the complete left, beside the window, Dan sat down on the complete right. He always sat in the back. If he didn’t sit in the back other could look at him and just the thought of that made him uncomfortable.

The Captain hopped onto his desk and sat down, licking his paw defiantly. Dan was very much aware of the fact that no one else could see the cat and the little girl who were with him, so he didn’t want to speak up in the silent classroom to tell The Captain to get off his desk. He got his book from his bag and softly nudged the animal with it, who gave him an indignant look and stayed where he was. Fortunately, Oasis spoke up before Dan had to, “Come on, Cap, don’t be so mean. Just get off his desk already, he needs his books there, not a cat.”

“You could, you know,” The Captain said, looking at Dan rather than Oasis, “just put your books right here. On your desk. You know I’m not real.”

“That’s enough.” Oasis grabbed the cat and pulled him off the desk. “Bad cat.”

The Captain hissed, but didn’t object. Dan quickly put his books down, before the two of them could cause him any more trouble. When he looked up he saw that the boy on the other side of the room was looking at him. Dan couldn’t quite remember his name, but he knew that he wasn’t much of a troublemaker, in fact, he always kept quiet. He didn’t cause any trouble so the teacher hardly ever called him on.

Mrs. Covington walked in just as Dan pulled his favourite pencil out of his bag to start drawing. He absolutely loved to draw; it was calming and he even got a pretty drawing afterwards. His mum loved his drawings and kept the ones she loved most in a special album, which she’d bought just for this purpose. Dan’s own favourite wasn’t in the book. It was one of his rare coloured drawings, which he’d drawn when he’d been having one of those days. It was quick and messy, but Dan liked it a lot. That drawing had been what he’d shown his therapist to allow her a look into his mind on a bad day. It had lots of colours and characters that were all trying to get your attention and that was exactly what would be going on in Dan’s mind. It was a bit worse in his head though, as then they’d all be talking to him. Tell him to hurt himself or to hurt others. Sometimes he gave in to the first demand, never to the second. The red lines on his wrists functioned as a promise from them, that he could try whatever he wanted, but they would always win. Dan didn’t need them to remind him of that; he knew.

His therapist and doctors had told him he could get better medication so many times, and Dan had said no each time. He was afraid they wouldn’t work, he was afraid that The Captain would actually kill him if the were to even consider getting rid of him, Oasis and all the others.

Mrs. Covington didn’t even look at the two boys in the room when she sat down at her desk and turned on her computer. She didn’t look up until she’d gotten her books out of her bag, gotten them all to the right page, and tapped a rhythm on her desk. She gave them both a look and then turned back to the screen beside her.

The day passed slowly, every hour felt like two and every class seemed to drag on longer than the last one. When he finally pulled the last of his books out of his locker and put them in his backpack he was exhausted. School wore him out, but that was nothing new. It wasn’t the classes that tired him so much, it was the stares, the constantly having to keeping up the façade of quietness, this wall that he’d build around himself that he had to support every day to make sure it didn’t crumble.

As soon as he stepped outside he felt the air getting easier to breathe and his footsteps getting lighter. He was free again, another day successfully survived.

He often visited the nearby bookstore after school, not necessarily to buy books even, he just wanted to be around them for a while and maybe read some of the blurbs. It wasn’t far from his school and he turned the corner five minutes after leaving school. The glass doorknob felt cold under his hand when he pushed it open and walked in. Oasis loved the bookstore, The Captain usually didn’t hang around him, he’d lie down and go to sleep somewhere. Not that Dan minded - on the contrary, one of the reasons he liked the bookstore so much was because The Captain would leave him alone there. Oasis would usually wander off as well, not coming back until Dan left the store again. “Hi Daniel.” Andrea, the store’s owner gave him her friendly smile. Dan and she had become friends over the years, since Dan came here at least three times a week. After saying hello to her and having a quick chat Dan walked straight to his usual bookcase. It was in the back of the store; the extraterrestrial section.

“That reminds me of something,” Andrea said as she walked out from her counter to where Dan was standing, “There was this boy here yesterday, about your age I think. Maybe a bit older. Anyway, he was looking at those same books and he asked me if we stocked The Sirius Mystery, which struck me as odd, because well you know, not many people your age are interested in that kind of stuff.”

Dan had only vaguely been listening to what she was saying, until she had mentioned his favourite book. He’d read it when he was only eleven years old and it had been his favourite ever since; he’d reread it dozens of times. “Did you ask his name?”

“I did, I thought you might know him. His name was Phil.”

Dan shook his head, “I don’t think I know him.” Then again, Dan didn’t know that many people by name, simply because he didn’t really care about their names. Sometimes The Captain remembered people’s names though and he’d tell Dan when Dan had forgotten. He turned to The Captain, who was lying on a stack of books near the door. When he noticed Dan looking at him he grinned, “Don’t look at me. I don’t know anyone called Phil.”

Dan didn’t bother asking Oasis, she didn’t care for anything going on at his school at all. Sometimes she’d just disappear when he was at school and she wouldn’t come back until he walked out of the building. Maybe she hated that place even more than he did.

“Did you have it?”

“Did I have what?”

“The book. The Sirius Mystery. Did you give it to him?”

“No, no. He ordered it from our supplier, he’ll come to pick it up on Thursday.”

“Do you know what time?”

She laughed sweetly, “Do you want to meet him, love? Well, sometime after school I suppose.” She started walking back over to the counter, “I’m pretty sure he’s still in school. He didn’t seem old enough not to be. Maybe he just looked young, I’m very bad at guessing ages, I must admit.”

Dan nodded, “Thanks. Is it okay if I come back here then?”

“Of course, this is a public store after all.”

“Right.” Dan smiled, “I’ll be back on Thursday then, maybe before that. But definitely on Thursday.”

“You know you’re welcome here any day.”

“I know, thank you.” As Dan opened the glass door the cat and the little girl got out from where they’d been and walked after him.

He’d been lucky the store was out of copies of The Sirius Mystery, Dan realised as he entered the hotel through the backdoor. He walked through the Staff Only halls till he got to the lobby, where some people were sitting around on the fancy sofas, drinking tea and chatting. There was a girl on his left sitting at one of the computers in the Internet Area. He recognised the blue of Twitter over her shoulder when he passed her.

“Lift.” The Captain said, even though Dan always took the lift and there was no need to say it.

“I know what to do.” Dan mumbled back. He got into the lift and pressed the right button. He had some maths homework that he had to finish for the next day, but for the rest he didn’t have anything to do. He considered starting The Sirius Mystery again, but decided against it. He stepped out of the lift and walked towards his room, reciting the nine planets of the milky way to himself.

Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto.

Another thing that always calmed him down.

In the rare case that reciting planets didn’t help, he’d start reciting the temperatures on every planet to himself, or the amount of earth days it took for the planet to orbit the sun.

Whereas his locker was completely ordered and perfect to every last inch, his room was a complete mess. There were books and drawings scattered all over the floor. One of the corners of the giant map of the galaxy on his wall was hanging down as the tack had fallen out and said tack had been carelessly put on a stack of books on top of the completely packed bookcase. When walking in he didn’t bother making sure to not step on anything; the drawings on the floor weren’t very valuable to him. The books were all stacked so that even without looking for them specifically he wouldn’t miss them and accidentally knock them over. He kicked his shoes off and sat down at his desk.

“You going to do homework, Dan? Can’t you come play?”

“Just this assignment, Oasis. After that we can play.” Dan looked back over his shoulder. Another little girl had appeared next to Oasis, a pretty girl with dark skin and black eyes whose sparkling eyes were looking at him. “See, you’ve got a friend there.”

“Can Zuri play with us later too?” Oasis asked.

“Of course she can.” Dan got his books from his bag and tried to focus on his maths homework. The Captain was trying to distract him. He had hopped onto the desk next to Dan’s books and was talking to him. It was nothing out of the ordinary, The Captain just happened to talk a lot, and Dan had gotten used to it and learnt to do homework and occasionally listen to The Captain at the same time. The cat didn’t really seem to care if Dan was listening or not, he just wanted to ramble to someone and if Dan was willing to at least pretend he was listening then that was good enough.

Just as Dan was putting on his trainers to go out on his semi-daily late night walk, he heard a knock on the door. “Come in.”

The door opened and his mum’s head appeared. She smiled at him, “Hey sweetheart, we’ve got an important guest coming tomorrow so we can’t have dinner together. I’ll put some money on your desk so that you can order pizza, alright?”

“Sure mum, good luck with the guest.”

She pointed at his shoes, “Don’t come back too late. School tomorrow.”

“I know.” Dan replied. After his mum left Dan waited a few minutes to make sure she’d left the hall, before going outside and taking the lift down.

He lived just on the edge of the centre of London. There was quite a bit of traffic on their street, but whereas the actual centre had lots of flats, the neighbourhood where they lived had lots of houses too. Their hotel was on a perfect street, close to the shops, yet not too crowded. This also meant that Dan only had to walk for a few minutes to get to the centre of London. He liked walking through the dark, yet still busy streets. A city that never slept. It usually sounded amazing, but sometimes he’d wish that everyone would just go to bed for once, so that he could walk in silence without all the flashing signs and talking people everywhere around him.

He took walks as often as he could. Just to clear his mind and be quiet for a while. Let the city provide the sounds so that the voices in his head didn’t have to. Oasis and The Captain where following right behind him. Oasis had a new friend with her this time, Dan vaguely recognised her from a previous encounter but he couldn’t recall her name. Dan didn’t mind speaking to his hallucinations on his late-night walks; the people around him were to busy chatting themselves and would either not notice or assume he was speaking to one of the many other people walking in the same direction.

“Why don’t you ever take a friend?” Dan asked The Captain.

The cat laughed, “Why would I? I’ve got you.”

“Yeah, but I mean like another cat.”

“Do you want me to bring another cat? I’ll bring one on our next walk if you really want me to.”

“It’s not that I really want you to, it’s just that I think it might be more fun for you. I’m usually just daydreaming when walking.”

“It gives me time to think too.” The Captain replied.

“Oasis brings friends.”

“She’s a little girl, she’s different.”

Dan shrugged, “You’re not really a cat though.”

“I’m a hallucination of a talking cat, blah, blah, blah. I know, Daniel, I know.”

Dan didn’t attempt to say more.

#phan #phanfiction #phanfic #fanfiction #fanfic #fan fiction #phan au #au #tw: self harm #tw: suicide mention #tw: mental illness #painting flowers

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fmkyuri · 6 years

Photo

KYURI’S OFFICIAL PROFILE !

stage name: rin ( 린 ) birth name: baek kyu ri ( 백규리 ) position: nyx’s leader, lead dancer & lead vocalist birthday: april 19, 1997 zodiac: aries place of birth: seoul, south korea height: 173 cm weight: 44 kg blood type: ab

facts:

she was a part of the original lineup for nyx back in 2013 ( which had a different name ) as their maknae, lead dancer & vocalist.

she took gymnastics since she was five years old, and competed internationally up until the age of fifteen.

she has a twin brother and is the youngest in her family.

she signed with wonder records in 2012 and has been a trainee for five years and seven months.

kyuri is a fan of pandora, scarlet, electra, phoenix and sirens.

she likes working out or doing yoga in her spare time.

her nickname is “ice princess”.

she is known for wearing a lot of expensive brands and lots of jewelry.

she attended and graduated from school of the performing arts seoul.

kyuri’s biggest fears are snakes and heights.

during her vlive introduction kyuri said she plans to keep her blonde hair for as long as the company allows her to.

in the same vlive, she admitted her english name is victoria.

she doesn’t like doing aegyo and is apparently bad at trying to be cute.

she has a bengal cat named iris.

kyuri is a black belt ( 2nd dan ) in taekwondo but stopped practicing before she could get her 3rd or 4th.

she is left-handed.

kyuri appeared in legend’s “rush” mv, smoke & mirrors’ mvs for “congratulations” and “you were beautiful”.

ideal type: someone who is passionate in what they love and works hard for what they want; someone who will put in 100% in everything they do.

KYURI’S QUESTIONNAIRE ANSWERS !

one. who are your role models?

“i love beyoncé, boa and janet jackson. they’re stellar performers and artists — they’re legends, and i hope i could perform even half as well as them one day.”

two. do you have any nicknames? if so, what do your friends and family call you?

“other than rin, i don’t have a lot of nicknames as my name is already short, but one of my friends calls me ‘kyuyomi’.” ( gwiyomi “cute” + kyuri = kyuyomi )

three. what are your favorite foods? what would you recommend to fans?

“bulgogi japchae, tteokbokki and nakji bokkeum are favorites to cook and eat.”

four. what are some places you would like to go but haven’t been to yet?

“i would like to go to italy, vancouver, mexico and sweden a lot; i’ve been to quite a few places growing up already, so the list doesn’t seem long. i want to go to sweden most, because i want to try their chocolate and go skiing.”

five. what would you say to a fan who is struggling?

"you are strong, and everything will be okay soon. handle everything at your own pace and remember there will always be someone willing to listen to you and your worries. keep fighting and know you’re loved.”

six. are there any languages you speak besides your native tongue? what other languages would you like to learn?

“i can speak and understand english and a little bit of japanese. i’m learning how to do sign and hopefully i’ll learn mandarin or french one day.”

seven. what are your three favorite songs at the moment?

“sza’s the weekend, boa-sunbae’s camo and dua lipa’s idgaf. as bonuses, dua’s blow your mind ( mwah ) and exid-sunbae’s ddd are also great.”

eight. did you always know you wanted to be famous as a child? was your family supportive?

"not at all, i actually wanted to be someone completely different. my parents were shocked i wanted to pursue this lifestyle, but there were supportive. they liked that i was happy.”

nine. why did you decide to become a trainee?

"i was approached after a gymnastic competition and given a card too. i had no experience with singing beforehand so i was hesitant, but i think i wanted a new experience, something to add to a list of accomplishments. i didn’t really want to be an idol until i actually began training.”

ten. where do you see yourself in 10 years from now?

“as nyx’s leader, i would love for nyx to still be going strong in the industry; releasing music together, just being who we are and having fun. i hope that we’d be closer than ever despite so much time together, as they’re my sisters and i love them. as a personal goal, i think i’d like to try dabbling with something completely new for me. i’m not sure what it is yet, but i love new experiences.”

eleven. what is something no one knows about you?

“i didn’t get into kpop until i became a trainee. i was used to listening whatever was on the radio, and wasn’t really a fan of a certain group or artist other than boa-sunbae. when i first became a trainee, i didn’t know who my seniors were and it was embarrassing back then.”

twelve. describe your family. who are the members in your family?

“i have an older twin brother and two more older brothers, making me the only girl and the youngest. there’s also my two parents, which make six of us in total.”

thirteen. how was your childhood? what was it like?

"i spent a lot of it training to be a gymnast while being homeschooled, so i don’t think it was very different from what i’m experiencing now. i was really competitive as a kid, and always tried my best to stay on top of just about everything. the only difference was that i didn’t have as many friends as i do now back then.”

fourteen. if you weren’t pursuing the path to fame, where do you think you would be?

"i am confident that i would be on the south korean olympics team for gymnastics and win a gold medal ! i was really close to joining the olympic team, so i like to think that had i not become a trainee and continued being a gymnast, i might’ve been able to achieve that goal or something close to it. either way, it’d be a blessing.”

fifteen. write a message to your fans — what would you like to say to them?

"it has been eight years since electra debuted, and since then there have been no other girl group to debut under wonder records so i’d like to thank you for waiting for us and anticipating for our debut since 2013. thank you for supporting us through all of the changes, and thank you for keeping faith in us. we hope to show you all of our charms & talents that have been kept in the dark, and live up to expectations. we will work hard to show you something to be proud of. thank you so much and we love you very much.”

#fm:profile #fm:task1 #fm:points #( ⤷ completed tasks. )#im so ......... i lov this graphic #i lov my girl So Much

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solangelo-4-ever-fan-blog · 7 years

Text

Blue

"Dan? Have you finished packing?" My mother says as she stands in my doorway at 4 freaking am in the morning. "Yes" I grumble. I don't want to go camping, but my parents are insisting. I hoist my bag onto my shoulder and walk out the door, hoping that I haven't forgotten anything important like like my clothes or my portable charger. I climb into the car and mentally prepare myself for a 5-hour car ride with my family. Oh who am I kidding? There is nothing that can prepare someone for that! We finally arrive and I step out to stretch my legs. I see signs pointing to the campsites, and a few pointing to the bathrooms. Then I see a sign pointing to a lake. I grin and grab my swim trunks. "Hey Dad, Mum(Heyo you Brits reading this, did I get it right? I'm American so idk) I'm heading down to go swimming." I call out as I start down the path. *and that is where the pre-written ends* *this was a bad idea* *why am I an idiot* I stop to change in one of the bathrooms. At least this campground is good and has actual toilets, not those pits with a plastic seat on it.(Does England have pit toilets? Ok I'm stopping with the A/ns now) When I get down to the shore of the lake, I set my stuff down and apply sunscreen. I slowly walk into the lake, wincing at the initial coldness, but slowly adjusting as I move further in. I dive under water and come up spluttering and shaking. "Damn damn damn that is cold way too cold why is it that cold?" I mutter as I quickly run back out. I hear a slight laughter and turn to see my mother standing there laughing at me. I stick my tongue out at her and wade back in, shivering from the slight wind in my wet hair. This time I go in really slowly until I'm up to my shoulders. I turn back to shore but don't see my mum anywhere. I shrug and slowly move forward until I'm treading water. I look around for an interesting place to swim too and see a cool looking meadow all the way on the other side of the half-mile long lake. Sighing, I start to swim along the shore. 5 minutes later, I crawl up on shore to rest. I've barely gone 25 yards and I already need to rest. At this rate, it'll take me all day to swim to that meadow. I hear footsteps behind me and turn to see a boy a few years older than me standing there. He has jet-black hair and bright blue eyes. "You trying to get to that meadow?" He asks and I jump slightly. "Are you asking me?" I say in surprise and he laughs. "No, I was asking the fish swimming behind you." I stare at him for a few seconds before laughing too. "I'm Phil. What's your name?" the boy- Phil- says. "Dan" I reply and he hums in approval. "Well Dan that name suits you." "Really?" I ask and he nods. "Really really." He says and then chuckles softly. "What?" I ask. "Oh nothing, just a small reference. So you still want to go to that meadow?" I nod and he comes closer to me. He grabs my hand and pulls me up. "Well Dan, I know a short cut to getting there" He pulls me along a small path away from the lake until we reach a small house. "Uh Phil? What are we doing here?" I ask, slightly nervous as I have watched too much horror since school ended. "This is where I live. My family owns the campground and lake." We walk over to a truck that has a jet ski in the back. Phil lets go of my hand and walks to the drivers side. "Don't worry, I know how to drive" he says as he starts the car. "I'm 16 and got my drivers license about 5 to 6 months ago. How old are you, Dan?" "Just turned 15 last month" I say (ok ok I know that they are 4 years apart but I need them to be closer in age for this to not be weird cause even tho age doesn't matter when you are an adult, they are still teens in this and since Dan is still 15 he might find it weird that Phil is 19 cause some people are like that and why am I ranting about this? Ok I'm done with that moving on!) Phil nods and starts backing up down the boat ramp. We load the jet ski into the water and Phil starts it up. We pull out into the water, laughing at how the wind is pushing out hair into quiffs. He swerves out into the middle of the lake and starts towards the meadow. At one point, he makes a sharp turn and I squeal and grab his waist to prevent myself from falling off. He turns to me with a raised eyebrow and I go bright red. "Just keep going" I mutter and he laughs as he looks forward again. *** "So tell me about yourself." I say as me and Phil sit in the meadow, the jet ski parked in the shallows. He sighs and lays back. "Well my name is Phil and I'm a boy" and glances at me when I laugh "and I'm gay" he continues and I look at him in surprise. "Hey I'm gay too!" I say and then turn red. "That came out more enthusiastic than I meant it too be." He smiles. "Not many other gays near you?" He asks and I shake my head. "One other but something happened awhile back and we never talk anymore. But that doesn't matter. So what's it like owning the campground and lake?" He sighs again. "Well there's a town about 5 minutes away so I'm not homeschooled and I have lots of friends." He says halfheartedly. "Then why do you sound so sad?" I ask. He bites his lip, which I find kinda cute and Dan this is not the time! and looks away. I prop myself up on my elbows and turn him to look at me. "Phil what's wrong?" I run through our conversation trying to figure out if I said something wrong bit come up empty handed. "Its people like you. The cute, funny, nice, people that only are here for one summer that I befriend and then never see again. Every year people warn me. They tell me that I have to stay away from the vacationers, and every year I tell myself that I won't do it. I won't make a friend, and every year someone calls to me, and every year I get hurt. Every year I get over it slowly and then when I'm finally recovered, I set myself up for heartbreak all over again. I told myself I would not this year, and then I saw you, and I just had to talk to you." Phil says. "Oh." I say softly and after a pause, "I could keep in touch. Give you my Skype." Phil shakes his head. "They always say that but never keep their promise. Sure we talk for the first few months but after that we stop. I'm sorry Dan." "Hey its ok. I could have run away from you but instead I talked. Its as much my fault as yours." I say gently to him. Phil sits up. "How long are you staying Dan?" He asks. "We were going to stay for a week, but my parents would probably be fine staying longer." I say and Phil sighs. "That's longer than most..... Come on." Phil stands up and pulls me with him. We are standing almost nose to nose. The light just perfect, showing the flecks of yellow and sprinkles of green in his lake-blue eyes. I'm close enough that I can feel his breath on my lips. His eyes flicker to them and I feel a blush spread across my face. "You have such pretty eyes" he breathes and I chuckle slightly. "Going for the classic line, eh Phil?" I say and all he does is stare at me. He leans in slightly and I know I am too. Our lips just barely brush before he pulls away. He smiles at me as we walk to the jet ski. "Where are we going now?" I ask and his smile turns into a smirk. "We are going to my house so I can beat you at Mario Kart" (guys its been literal years since I've played and I'm really tired so if it isn't spelled with a K, then I'm sorry) I laugh and say "Philly, Philly, Philly. I am the master of Mario Kart. No one has been able to beat me since I was 7." "We'll see." is all he says as we reach the jet ski. As soon as I sit down, Phil says "Hold on tight" and takes off. I grip his waist tightly and bury my face in his neck to keep the spray out of my eyes. He smells nice, like sunscreen and cinnamon, with an underlayer of something that could only be described as "Phil" I take a deep breath of it. "Are...are you smelling me Dan?" Phil laughs and my face goes hot. "No...." I mumble into his neck. "Riiiiight and you aren't the hottest thing ever." He says and I go even redder. "Are you flirting with me Phil?" "Maybe, maybe not." He says with a grin. I roll my eyes. "Whatever." *** "No! No no no!" I say as I throw my controller down. "Not possible! I demand a rematch!" Phil is in fits of hysterical laughter and I glare at him. He sits up and takes a deep breath, looks at me, and starts laughing again. He finally manages to choke out "We already raced 12 times and I've beaten you every single time." And then falls back into laughing. "But I'm the Mario Kart master! This isn't fair!" I cross my arms and stick my tongue out at him. "You look so cute like that" he giggles and I intensify my glare. "No one is to know about this. I am still the Mario Kart master. This never happened." I say and he smirks. "So I shouldn't have taken your phone and texted everyone in your contacts that you aren't the Mario Kart master?" he says. I gasp and then realize I don't have my phone with me. "Haha nice try smartass." I say and Phil smirks. He suddenly rolls off the couch and on top of me, propping himself up on his elbows so he's hovering above me. My breath hitches as he leans down until his face is centimeters from mine. "So if the race never happened, did this?" He ask before pressing his lips to mine. I lock my hands behind his head and pull him deeper into the kiss. His tongue runs over my lower lip and I let him in, just as we hear a door slam and someone calls out "Phil? Are you home?" Phil rolls off me as we sit up. Someone I presume to be Phils mother walks into the living room. "Hi Phil, who is this?" She asks. I stand up and say "Dan Howell, pleasure to meet you, ma'am." She smiles. "Now this is a nice boy, Phil. I want you to be more like him" she says and Phil groans. "Dan! Why'd have to be so polite? Now I'm going to have to be polite too!" He says and I laugh. "Well it wouldn't be the end of the world if you were." I say back. Phils mum asks if I'm staying for lunch and I quickly look at a clock. "Ohmygosh how is it already noon?" I say frantically. I quickly run out the front door and call over my shoulder as I leave "Nice to meet you Phil's mum but I have to get back to my family now!" I hurry up the path to the campsites and realize I left this morning without finding out where we were camping. "Shit, shit, shit" I mutter as I walk along the road that winds through the campground. *** After about 10 minutes of walking and looking at each campsite to see if I recognized any cars or people, I run into my father. "Dad! I found you!" I sigh in relief. He chuckles. "I was just coming looking for you, Dan. The lake must have been pretty fun, considering you were there all morning." He says I smile to myself, remembering me and Phil's kiss in the meadow, and playing Mario Kart at his house, and zooming around on the jet ski. "Yeah it was pretty great." I say. "I'm heading back out after lunch." We walk a bit further to our campsite where my mother is making sandwiches. We sit at the crappy wood picnic table and I eat 4 of the sandwiches, a party-size bag of Cheetos, and down 3 bottles of water. I grab a bag of potato chips and stand up. "I'm heading back down, see ya guys later!" I say as I start towards the edge of the campsite. "Daniel wait up" I hear my mother say. I sigh and wait for her to catch up. We walk down the the lake, and she tells me to be back on shore by 4pm. I drop the bag of chips and my towel on the sand. I slip into the lake and start swimming out to some rocks that jut into the water. Halfway there, I see a flash of black hair and pale skin jump off the highest rock into the water and start swimming to me. I grin as Phil's head pops up in front of mine. "Hey cutie" he winks and lightly kisses my cheek. "Come on, I want to show you something." He says and starts swimming to the rocks. I follow and climb up after him onto the formation. We clamber around on the rocks until Phil stops in front of a hidden cave leading into the biggest rock. He grabs my hand and pulls me in. Inside the cave is a some solar power lamps, a small couch, and an ice chest. "This is my hideout." Phil says. I look around in wonderment. "This place is awesome!" I say. Phil laughs and drags me over to the couch. He sits down and pulls me on top of him so that I'm straddling his lap. He leans forward so that our foreheads are pressed together and we sit like that for awhile. Slowly, I press my lips against Phil's and he kisses back. His hands lift to tangle in my hair and I slide my hands around the back of his neck and pull us closer. My tongue slips into Phils mouth explores every inch of it. We pull back for air and then are kissing again, harder and more intense than before. Phils hands slide down from my hair to the shirt I had been swimming in and begin to tug at the bottom edge. I pull back and pull my shirt off and then attack his neck, sucking and nibbling until I find his sensitive spot. He moans and I bite down gently and he moans louder. I pull back to yank his shirt off and kiss softly and gently nibble along his collarbone, eliciting more reactions from the boy below me. Phil leans forward and picks me up, only to lay back down, but this time, he's laying over me. He kisses me again and moves up to sit on the slight bulge in my swim shorts. I gasp when he grinds down into me and pull him closer to me. He pulls back for a brief second before moving to kiss down my chest. All of the sudden we hear a noise outside the cave and we scramble for our shirts, barely managing to make ourselves look presentable before two boys and a girl walk in. Phil visibly relaxes and says "Hi guys." They greet him back and the girl asks him to introduce us. "Dan this is Louise, Chris, and Pj. Pj, Chris, Louise, this is Dan." I wave shyly at them and turn to Phil. "Who are they?" "They are some of my friends. Chris and Pj are dating and Louise has been my friend since we were 6. Me, Chris, and Louise are the same age, and Pj is the same age as you." Phil stands up and grabs my hand. He pulls me up after him and the five of us go outside. "Where are we going?" I ask and Phil replies dramatically "To jump off the rock!" While sticking his pointer finger in the air. We all laugh and start up the path etched into to 15 foot high rock. While we walk I talk with Chris and Pj and learn that they have been dating for 3 years. After I make a comment about how Phil is really cute, Pj says "You know, I don't think I've ever seen Phil as happy as he was with you just now." Confused, I ask what he means by that. Lowering his voice slightly, Pj says "Phil had some problems when his parents broke up." I aks Pj to elaborate but he just shrugs it off, saying that Phil is fine now. I jog slightly to catch up with Phil and we walk the rest of the path in silence. *** "Nope, no way, niet, zip zero nada am I jumping off that!" I say when I look over the edge. The water looks so far away that there is not a way in hell I am going to jump off the rock. "Come on Dan! You walked all the way up here, please?" Phil says. "Nope." I say, popping the 'p'. "I will walk all the way down that path again, cause I know for sure I am not jumping off this thing." Phil walks over to me "What if we jump together?" He says and I bite my lip. "Maybe..." The other three join in with Phil, saying that I should jump, that its a lot of fun, and that it isn't as high as it looks. I sigh. "This is totally peer pressure, but ok. I'll jump." I say. They all cheer and I walk to the edge. "Someone is going before me though." Louise runs past me and leaps off, doing a back flip before diving into the water and surfacing a little ways away. Phil grabs my hand. "Let's go Dan." I swallow nervously as Phil counts down from three. "Three, two, one, go!" I steel my nerves and leap. The wind rushes past my face as I free fall towards the water. I hear Phil yelling in happiness and then I hit the water, sinking quickly in a mass of bubbles. Phil, who is somehow still holding my hand, pulls us up to the surface. We swim over to Louise and watch as Chris and Pj jump. Pj silently and gracefully does a few flips before diving swanlike into the water. Chris flails around like a dying fish and almost belly-flops before tucking himself into a a cannonball and screams the whole way down. The couple joins us as Phil, Louise, and I start to the rocks again. We tromp, dripping wet and laughing into Phil's cave. Me and Phil flop onto the couch, Louise goes to grab some sodas from the ice chest, and Chris and Pj sit on a pile of towels in front of the couch. As Louise hands out the drinks, Chris suggests we play Never Ever Have I Ever. His rules are that the person saying it has to have done the thing they are saying before and if someone else has, they have to take a shot of soda. "I'll go first," he says. "Never ever have I ever, kissed a guy before." Everyone grabs a one of the small glasses that Phil keeps here for this exact reason and downs their soda. "Me next." I say. "Never ever have I ever seen a guy naked." Again, everyone takes a shot. Louise goes next. "Never ever have I ever had sex." This time, only Pj is left out. Phil looks at me in surprise. "Dan you aren't a virgin?" He asks and I shift uncomfortably. "Yeah and I'd prefer to not go into detail, the most I'll say is that I live in a kinda bad town." Everyone nods understandingly and we continue the game. *** "Hey anyone got the time?" I giggle. We are all hyped up on sugar and a lot more comfortable with each other. I'm leaning against Phil's chest, his arm around me, Pj and Chris are kissing on the other end of the couch and Louise is somewhere outside in the rocks doing something that only girls have to do. Pj unattaches himself from Chris's face and looks at his watch. "Its 3:45, why?" I leap off the couch. "Because I have to be back at my campsite by 4!" I say as I run out. "Bye guys see you later tell Louise I said bye!" I run down to the water and jump in. I start swimming back to shore where I can see my mom gathering our stuff. Going faster, I manage to make it to shore just as she starts heading up the path. I run after her to catch up. As we walk, she tells me that she was watching when I jumped off the rock and was wondering who I was with. "Just a couple of friends I made today." I reply. "Well, if you want you can invite them to have dinner with us." She says. "Really?" I say excitedly and I start to trun around. I run back down to the lake and swim out to the rocks. I check in the cave, but no one is there and I didn't see anyone on the path. I hop back into the water and swim over to the path leading to Phil's house. All this exercise is going to get to me I think as I run up the path. I knock on the door and hope that they are here. Phils mum opens it and I smile. "Hi Ms. Lester. I was hoping to ask Phil if he could come eat dinner with me and my family." She calls out over her shoulder, "Phil, the nice boy is back and wants to know if you'd like to have dinner with his family." Phil appears in the doorway with Chris, Pj, and Louise. "Hi again. My mom said you guys could come eat dinner with my family if you wanted." I say and they all agree enthusiastically. *** "Mrs. Howell, these hot dogs are amazing" Phil says as he eats his 4th one. My mum laughs. "Why thank you Phil." We are all sitting around the campfire, Pj and my father are talking about photography, Louise and I are discussing the different uses of glitter, and Phil is eating way too many hot dogs. "Mrs. Howell, I don't know if you know this, but here at Lake Winnetka Campground, we do fireworks every Friday. If you'd like, you, your husband, and Dan could come watch them from my house which has the best view." Phil says as he finishes off yet another hot dog. "Please mum" I beg and she agrees. After desert, where Phil somehow ate 10 s'mores despite having eaten 6 hot dogs already, we start walking to Phil's house. It's getting dark as we arrive and the test firework goes off as we settle down. As I look around, at my parents sitting in lawns chairs talking with Phil's mum, at Chris and Pj leaning against the porch railing, at Louise eating apple pie that Phil's mum made, and finally at the boy laying next to me, I realize that I really would have been making a huge mistake, had I absolutely refused to go camping. And as the fireworks explode above us, I kiss the boy with lake-blue eyes who has given me the best day of my life. I can't wait for what tomorrow will bring.

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silvino32mills · 6 years

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Case Study: How a Blogger Became a Startup Founder

When Cas McCullough’s son asked for help with a letter writing project, she had no idea it would change the course of her career. Here’s how she went from being a blogger to becoming a startup founder and CEO.

“I’m a content strategist and writer by trade. And as content marketing became more and more of a must-have, I started getting a lot of inquiries from business owners and marketers who were frustrated with how to create great content. They found it frustrating and time consuming,” Cas says.

“When my son asked for help with writing a letter, I went looking for information on how to structure them. And it dawned on me that blog posts could be structured in much the same way. That’s basically how Writally was born.”

Writally is a content creation tool that helps people write original content when they don’t feel confident about writing for regular people, or their content lacks engagement. Imagine a chiropractor who wants to attract patients to their clinic, or a researcher who wants to raise their profile to attract funding.

“Just as Canva gives you different layouts and images to work with, Writally gives you different story prompts to work with. Each Content Recipe combines these prompts in different ways and each is tweaked for style, tone and voice,” Cas says.

Here are Cas’s biggest tips for anyone contemplating a startup, based on what she’s learned so far.

Don’t confuse startup and blog monetization

A startup is a business you plan to scale fast. It’s not a blog monetization strategy in the same way a book or a retail line is. A startup is time consuming, and requires a high level of commitment and the willingness to see it through for at least five to ten years. It means planning to hire staff, learning about finance options, attending events in the startup ecosystem, and applying for numerous grants.

There’s a lot of money being thrown at startups. But it’s not something to take on lightly. When I pondered taking the funding deal I was initially offered, I sat down with my kids and discussed it at length. I made sure they understood what kind of commitment it was going to be.

Solve a big problem

One of the best pieces of advice I was given was to solve a big problem. A headache is one thing, a migraine is another. You’re more likely to make money by providing a solution to a migraine. One way to test whether your problem is big enough is to pre-sell your idea through a landing page. If enough people sign up and pay money then you know you’re on a winner.

After initially pitching my idea in a startup competition in early 2015, I decided to offer my idea as a service so I could validate it further. I started testing the idea with members of a small business forum. Within a week, I had paying customers.

I highly recommend reading Dan Norris’s classic book The 7 Day Startup for some inspiration on idea validation. Dan was one of the first people I talked to about Writally, and his feedback and his book were invaluable.

Get to know the lingo

When I first began my startup journey, I thought MVP stood for Most Valuable Player. It turns out it meant Minimum Viable Product. An MVP is the first version of your product. I’ve had to learn terms such as ‘convertible notes’, ‘agile’, ‘full-stack’, ‘product-market fit’ and more. It really helps to understand the language when you’re networking with other founders, potential co-founders, accelerators, and investors. You don’t feel quite as lost in the fast-paced startup world.

Apply for accelerator programs

My idea was originally funded when I won the Suncorp Small Business Challenges Competition held by the Chamber of Commerce & Industry Queensland, startup accelerator Bluechilli, Microsoft, and Suncorp Bank. Entering a competition like that is a great way to learn how to validate your ideas and how to put a pitch together.

Having the support of an accelerator has made a massive difference in my journey. I’ve been thoroughly trained in how to raise capital, pitch, growth hack, hire the right staff and manage board meetings. And I’ve had access to company and investor introductions through Bluechilli’s amazing network. I still work with them as we take our next steps.

There are many opportunities to join accelerator programs in Australia, particularly if you live in a regional area or have a product that serves regional areas and primary industries. But keep in mind that accelerators and early investors will want to take a bigger cut of your company to start off with. Ten to 20 percent is typical for early equity providers with some funding thrown in.

Be prepared to fail

While nobody enters a startup thinking they’re going to fail, in 75% of cases they do. Your first product offering (MVP) may not work, so it helps to approach your product development like a science experiment.

Many startups in accelerator programs apply what’s called ‘lean methodology’ (created by Eric Reis, author of The Lean Startup) where you test and measure whether or not a hypothesis is true.

Our MVP launch went well, and we’ve had more than 1150 users sign up to the platform so far. But we weren’t achieving the daily usage we wanted, so we had to go back to the drawing board. We’ve had great feedback on the end product and the Content Recipes, but the process is what seemed to be getting in the way.

We’re currently experimenting with a few different ideas to work out how we can achieve product-market fit (the term that describes your product flying out the door). In some cases, you may drop your initial idea altogether. It’s important to have good advisors so you make the right call for your situation.

Be prepared for rejection

Startups look for funding so they can accelerate growth. Investors look for opportunities that will bring them a tenfold investment within five to ten years. Most investors want you to exit within that timeframe, too. Usually that would be a bigger company buying you out.

If investors don’t feel confident they’ll get that kind of a return from your startup, they’ll look for other companies to fund. In essence, finding funding for your startup is a lot like dating. Being turned down by potential investors or grant bodies is always hard, but you can’t take it personally. Each rejection is an opportunity to ask questions and seek feedback.

The biggest lesson for me has been to stand for the difference my product makes no matter what, and look for investors that get the content marketing industry. I’m looking for a lead investor (a $100K to $200K investor who’ll be a board member of my company) for my current seed round.

Understand how being a founder will affect your family

Some days, being a parent can be a challenge in the face of board meetings, events and investor pitches. When I first started Writally I was homeschooling my boys. Now they’re in school. I just couldn’t manage both, and they were keen to start school, so it worked a lot better that way.

Being a founder can put pressure on relationships as well. It’s often difficult for non-entrepreneurial partners to understand how the startup life works (or doesn’t work). Founders typically don’t earn a wage for up to three years, spend a lot of time away from home attending events and meetings, and work late into the night. Communicating with your family is essential to make that work for everyone. You definitely have to be judicious and responsible with your time and your money.

Get to know the startup ecosystem

In Brisbane there are regular events in the startup ecosystem. It’s worth joining a startup co-working space just to start your networking. You never know who might introduce you to a new enterprise client or investor. It’s also an opportunity for you to give back to others who have just started out. A great way to give back is to participate in Startup Weekend. These events are a lot of fun, and a great way to test new ideas.

I’ve had some amazing opportunities by being active in the startup scene. In November 2016 I visited Facebook, and it wasn’t just the typical tour. It was a real behind-the-scenes tour with a Facebook engineer. We saw a meeting taking place with head people including Sheryl Sandberg. We were told not to take photos or even touch our cameras, so you’ll just have to take my word for it.

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to pitch Writally to investors and dignitaries at the Commonwealth Games. Then shortly after that I returned to San Francisco to join high profile investors, startup founders and dignitaries on #MyriadAir, a Qantas jet chartered by the Myriad Innovation Festival. I pitched Shark Tank’s Steve Baxter on the plane, and was interviewed by the Brisbane Times. I met many amazing founders on that trip and got to know some key people in the ecosystem.

Buckle up for the rollercoaster ride

Startup life is a rollercoaster ride. One week everything is going well, and the next everything’s falling apart – or at least feels like it. But it’s exciting, and I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else. I’ve met some incredible people, including seven-time TED Presenter Jonathan Trent on #Myriadair, and Canva Ambassador and former Apple Evangelist Guy Kawasaki at the Angel Hack Global Demo Day a couple of years ago.

The personal growth I’ve experienced has blown my mind. I used to lack confidence, but now I’m very clear on what my strengths are and how I can contribute to others. My journey is far from over, and there will be more challenges, but creating something that has a massive impact on how people express themselves makes it totally worth it.

For more information about Writally, email Cas at ‘cas at writally.com’ or visit https://writally.com

The post Case Study: How a Blogger Became a Startup Founder appeared first on ProBlogger.

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sylvesterlestermanchester · 3 years

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Fearfully and Wonderfully

Word Count: 12401

Genre: Humor, fluff, angst. All mixed together. Fun times!

Warnings: Conversion therapy, homophobia, brief allusions to sex and genitals. One puke joke?

A/N: Reuploaded bc Tumblr decided not to let this be visible in the tags lol. This is my first ever published fic-I’ve been writing for literally years little bits and pieces, but COVID has me going crazy and I just wanted to put some effort into an actual thing. Thanks for reading!

What he isn’t expecting is to have an eight-year-old girl bodyslam herself into his legs, followed by a loud groan and a sharp voice scolding “Suzanne, we told you to stop running!”

This must be the Philip Lester on his room assignment form. “Sorry. My family is kind of, erm, excited.” He says with a small, nervous laugh and sets the girl aside before sticking out a hand to shake. “I’m Phil! You must be, um...Daniel, right?”

Dan takes a second to readjust the bags in his arms to shake Phil’s hand awkwardly, trying not to look too overwhelmed at the scene in front of him. “Dan’s fine.”

“You’re rooming with an absolute freak,” Adrian mumbles in his ear with a small smirk. “Karma is a bitch, huh?”

“Shut up.” Dan hisses back through his teeth, trying to look as interested as possible as Phil’s mum keeps talking.

“We saw cows!” One of the kids butts in, and suddenly they’re all talking, any nervousness they had around the strangers suddenly vanishing.

“And horses!”

“We got hamburgers, and there was this huge truck-it had to have, like, forty wheels-”

Phil seems to take after his dad, quietly but quickly unpacking since his siblings have seemingly given up on it in favor of telling Dan’s family every detail of the six-hour car ride. At one point he makes eye contact with Phil, who gives him an apologetic look, his cheeks flushed and an embarrassed grin on his face as the kids chatter along excitedly like they’ve never talked to another person before.

The small space suddenly feels vast and empty, and the silence is almost tangible.

“Well. They seemed...friendly.” Dan’s mum says after a few moments, his dad snorting.

“You’re in for quite a year, huh, kid?” He jokes. Dan laughs weakly, but in all honesty, it doesn’t seem that funny.

Just what did he get himself into?

It’s strange, he finds. But then again, Phil’s pretty strange, after all.

“Oh, I didn’t go to school.” Phil says with a bright smile, before quickly adding “I mean-I was homeschooled. So I just kinda did the work when I wanted to.”

Phil’s last comment was clearly meant to lighten up the mood, but it’s obvious that the subject matter was making the group a little uncomfortable, considering they all just met. Dan’s mentally running through Phil’s belongings in their dorm-were all those books Bibles? Was he going to start hanging crosses everywhere? Or make him wake up early on Sundays?

“Were you allowed...TV?” PJ asks slowly, eyes widening when Phil shook his head.

“Not cable. We could watch DVDs, but they had to be approved, so it was usually educational. I know a lot of animal facts, actually. Did you know hippo-”

“What about the internet?” Louise cuts him off.

“No Harry Potter?” “Promotes witchcraft. Apparently. I haven’t read it for myself, but-”

“Dating?”

“Not without serious intention to marry-and I’m not exactly ready for that, so-”

“Running water?”

“You know what’s funny?” Phil says, giggling a bit and bringing his knees loosely to his chest. “You guys think I’m weird, which is totally understandable. But your guys’ lives before this sound weird to me, too. Like-Chris, you got to play video games as a kid, right? And I was taught that those would turn me into some homicidal maniac. Dan, I saw you have a horoscope app-that’s the occult, so that’s a huge no-no.”

Wow, okay. Before Dan could feel too offended, though, and Chris could jump in, Phil keeps going. “But, like, I get that you’re not a witch, or Chris, you’re not gonna chop me up into little pieces when I’m sleeping. There’s gotta be some middle ground here, right? So...you guys could show me how to live more like you, and maybe you guys would be more interested in what I’m into?”