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twistedtummies2 · 1 year

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Top 12 Goblins

Apparently, last week on Tumblr was “Goblin Week.” I…didn’t even know that was a thing, hence why this post is so belated. XD However, once I learned that fact, I thought it would be fun to do a little list related to the little devils. Goblins are one of the most omnipresent and perennial magical races in all of folklore and fantasy; if you’re making some kind of fairy-tale or fantasy universe, it’s practically a requirement that one includes goblins somewhere. But, like many other such beings of fiction, goblins are something that can change from writer to writer, and artist to artist. Sometimes they are cunning and shifty tricksters, otherwise they are dull-witted near-feral brutes; sometimes they are nasty and nefarious, other times they’re actually not that bad. I’ve always liked seeing how goblins are reinterpreted for different worlds and stories, so…for really no reason, I decided, what the heck? Let’s cover some of my favorites!

Now, before I start this list, I just want to say that there will be some rather well-known and popular forms of goblins NOT included here, such as the ones from games like “Dungeons & Dragons,” or the Final Fantasy franchise, not to mention the anime “Goblin Slayer.” Why, you may ask? Very simply, because I don’t really know much about the goblins in any of those universes, and that, in turn, is because I’m just not very familiar with any of those franchises, in general. So my apologies to anybody who takes a peek at this countdown and feels disappointed those options are not listed here. With that said, these goblins can come from just about anywhere: movies, video games, books, comics, the list goes on. So allow me to show you some of my favorites! These are My Top 12 Goblins!

12. Babes in Toyland (1997).

It is mostly stubborn nostalgia (and a very minor kink crush on the Goblin King, pictured above) that gets these goblins on the list. The 1997 animated version of “Babes in Toyland” is a rather “meh” outing, altogether; not the worst thing in the world, but nothing all that special on the whole, either. In multiple versions of the “Babes in Toyland” story (which changes with just about every retelling), the main villain - Barnaby the Crooked Man - joins forces with a group of dark monsters in the climax, leading to a grand battle as the man-eating beasts attack Toyland, planning to devour every man, woman, child, and sentient cookie or action figure there. In the 1934 film, these monsters were called “Bogeymen.” In 1986, they were called “Trolls.” In the 1997 version, these gluttonous, predatory demons are referred to as “Goblins.” They live in the Goblin Wood, not so far beyond Toyland, and those who enter their domain never return as they are “gobble-ined up” by the hungry beasts. Their king is a powerful, massive, muscular monster with a deep, mighty voice, who longs to find a way to bring his fellow goblins to the magical land for a TRUE feast…however, due to an enchantment of some sort, the goblins can only enter Toyland if they are invited by one of its own residents, which is where Barnaby’s help comes into play. The goblins in this universe are allergic to some forms of light, which can melt them much the way water can melt certain Wicked Witches. I say “some” because sunlight, flashlights, and other such things hurt them…buuuut apparently fire is nothing to them at all. Like I said, this movie isn’t exactly the greatest ever, but I have fond memories of it, and these goblins have always stuck with me.

11. Spiderwick Chronicles.

In both the book series and the film adaptation, Goblins are frequent, pesky antagonists. Carnivorous, treacherous beasts that resemble something of a cross between a toad and a cat, they appear in several stories in various roles…basically all of them evil. Perhaps the most infamous of goblins is Wormrat: the second-in-command to the beastly ogre Mulgarath. Wormrat is a Redcap: a particularly intelligent and nasty breed of Goblin distinguished by their blood-colored headwear. Wormrat has a fairly minor role in the books, but is a major player in the film adaptation, being the secondary antagonist after Mulgarath himself. In the movie he is played by an uncredited Ron Perlman, who, needless to say, brings a lot of fun and ferocity to the vicious Goblin General.

10. Tales of Arcadia.

In this franchise, made up of three separate series - Trollhunters, 3Below, and Wizards (along with a TV movie) - Goblins are the lesser minions of the evil Gumm-Gumms: man-eating trolls who wish to turn the entire world into their personal buffet. Goblins are just as carnivorous, but thankfully, these little devils are nowhere near as large, nor as clever. This, however, does not necessarily make them less dangerous, as goblins are both very fast, and always come in hordes. They rely heavily on strength in numbers, the head goblin in a group - humorously enough - marking their status with a phony moustache. Goblins are formed in bunches from a strange, green gooey substance, and have a strong familial core. Not only are they usually chosen by greater beings to nurture human babies replaced for Changelings (a job they seem more than happy to undertake), but if one goblin is killed - ESPECIALLY the leader - they will not rest until they have literally ripped apart the person or device they believe to be responsible. Goblins can be funny, but one should never underestimate them; they are attracted to the smell of fear, which apparently they find quite appetizing...and while some trolls may be big enough to swallow you whole, you can be certain goblins will be nowhere near as easy in their feeding.

9. That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime.

Throughout this wonderful anime (and the light novels it is based upon), Goblins are a near-constant presence, and they are really the ones who seem to solidify one of the major themes of this series’ story: “don’t judge a book by its cover.” Many of the races and creatures our main character, Rimuru, encounters are ones you would typically expect to be unpleasant or dangerous creatures, such as orcs, ogres, dire wolves, dragons, and demons. However, while there are bad eggs in every bunch, it’s made clear that no one race is totally wicked, anymore than any one race can be totally good. One need look no further for this example than with the goblins and hobgoblins who inhabit the Goblin Village, which is where our story really properly starts and where most of it is ultimately based around. The goblins here are just simple forest folk who simply try to eek by and survive; they’re really not awful creatures, and in fact become the first allies, even a family, to our main character. Some of them, such as Elder Rigurd, his son, Rigur, and the young Gobta are all major players in the series, and it’s always fun seeing them interact with Rimuru and the other main members of the cast.

8. Sly & Gobbo from Noddy.

In direct contrast to the previous options, Sly and Gobbo are about as stereotypical as Goblins get. These twin menaces are the main antagonists of the “Noddy” series: a UK-born children’s franchise that talks about the adventures of a living bobblehead doll, Noddy, and his friends in the charming little world of Toyland (no, not THAT Toyland, we talked about that earlier). Sly and Gobbo - who live in the Goblin Woods (not THAT Goblin Woods, frankly that’s a very overused phrase) - are a couple of fiendish mischief-makers who are always up to no good, causing chaos for Noddy and his friends. They are the sworn nemeses of the local constable, Mr. Plod, and while they’re more a couple of muckle nuisances than TRULY evil, they’re still as sneaky and tricky as goblins can ever be. Gobbo - the one with the long nose - is the brains of the operation, while Sly - the one in yellow - is a dullard who can barely tie his shoes; their interactions are a lot of fun. I used to watch Noddy a lot growing up, and I have very lovely memories of these two goofy pranksters. It’s not enough to land them higher in the ranks, but they’re definitely deserving of some praise.

7. The Harry Potter Series.

While Goblins are a mainstay race in the Harry Potter universe, generally speaking, they don’t really DO much. At least, not within the core canon of the books and films alike. Goblins are here depicted as the masters of the Gringotts Wizard Bank, and they take their work VERY seriously. They’re described as being very clever creatures, especially when it comes to matters of money and metalworking; they not only guard the accounts and vaults at Gringotts, but they are the ones who actively make the money itself. However, for these same reasons, goblins are not always especially trustworthy beings. They can be ruthless, treacherous, and extremely selfish. Part of this comes from the sort of backhanded philosophy goblins have when it comes to their work: in their minds, they make the money, so it SHOULD belong to them, not to the people it’s being provided for. Naturally, others don’t quite share this viewpoint. The result is that dealing with goblins is always a tightrope walk: they’ll do their job, and do it with pride, and you can be darn sure your money and your assets will be secure…but do anything to cause them trouble, or give them any reason to turn against you, and they will happily (and possibly literally) stab you in the back. The only reason these goblins aren’t higher on the list is simply because, again, they don’t really do a whole lot; the most notable goblin in the series is Griphook, a minor character in the early stories who later became an antagonistic presence in the last installment. Griphook is a wonderfully wicked goblin, but even with him there’s not a whole lot to say.

6. Blix & Pox, from Legend.

“Legend” is one of my favorite 1980s-era fantasy films, and a big part of the reason why comes from its villains. Not only do you get Tim Curry as the Devil himself, here referred to as the Lord of Darkness (or, more simply, “Darkness”), but you also get a few nasty goblins as his chief henchmen. One of them is named Blunder, who later turns out to not ACTUALLY be a goblin at all, but a dwarf who - for some not-fully-explained reason - disguised himself as a goblin. (I never really understood what was going on there, to be honest.) The other two henchmen, however, are pureblood goblins through and through. First, there’s Blix, played by Alice Playten, whom Darkness refers to as “the most loathsome of [his] goblins,” with a heart that is “black, and full of hate.” Blix is a typical goblin, with green skin, a long nose, and pointed ears; his voice is a snide cackle, and he loves to speak in rhyme. Joining him is the less typical Pox, a dunderheaded buffoon who resembles an anthropomorphic pig, In a way, I see these two as sort of the darker, more adult versions of Sly and Gobbo: similar relationship, but much nastier in comparison. The only downside to both these characters - and especially Blix - is taht, about halfway through the film, they just…sort of disappear. Despite really being the secondary antagonists after Darkness, and being responsible for a lot of the bad things that happen in the first half, their story just doesn’t get any real closure. Apparently, there WERE plans for Blix and Pox to reappear in the final act of the film, but those fell through the proverbial roof. A pity, really.

5. The Princess & the Goblin.

Widely considered one of the most influential fantasy novels of all time, George MacDonald’s “The Princess and the Goblin” is the cornerstone of many modern goblin stories and portrayals. The tale takes place in a mountain kingdom, where a band of troublemaking Goblins have been banished to the depths of an ancient mine. Determined to get revenge, they formulate a devilish plan to kidnap the Princess Irene (who shall be forced to marry the Goblin Prince) and flood the castle of her father. It is only through the cleverness of a young, miner called Curdie that the goblins are foiled in their crooked schemes. The Goblins in the story are depicted as being an odd mix of both clever and rather dim. They are smart enough to come up with rather elaborate traps and plans, but in direct confrontation, they are not quite as dangerous, and rely largely on their sheer numbers to overwhelm their foes. While the story is mostly a comedic fairy-tale, it does have a few dark moments, as well as many absurd, bizarre moments, which have been likened to the nonsense of Lewis Carroll’s “Alice” stories. The story was adapted into an animated film by UK animation company Cosgrove Hall in 1994. The movie featured several notable English actors and comedians of the time, including Rik Mayall as the Goblin Prince. I only saw this movie once when I was very young, and remember little of it; I’m not sure of the reputation it has, but I do know that the film was a box office failure. This may at least in part be due to the fact that it came out around the same time as Disney’s epic “The Lion King.” Whatever the state of the film, the book is a classic for a reason, and is just as amusing and entertaining a read today as it was years ago.

4. The Goblin Wood.

While not as popular as The Spiderwick Chronicles or the Harry Potter series, “The Goblin Wood” by Hilari Bell is nevertheless an exciting and slightly morbid story that lovers of fantasy (and obviously goblins) should definitely read. The story focuses on a young but generally good-hearted witch called Makenna. After her mother is killed by suspicious townsfolk, Makenna first floods the town in vengeance, then goes into hiding. While seeking shelter in the woods, she encounters a pack of goblins, among them a particularly grouchy little scoundrel called Cogswhallop. After sparing his life, she accidentally ends up forcing him into a life-debt to her (which, for the record, leads to one of my favorite curses ever, as Cogswhallop shouts “May your children be devoured by ducks!” in frustration), and the two begin to form an unsteady bond of friendship that grows closer over the course of the story, as it is revealed that the church is planning to wipe out all “unholy” magic from the land, and that the roving goblins who live in the forest are next on the papalcy’s hitlist. Makenna thus joins forces with Cogswhallop and his people, as they begin to form a rebellion to knock the church down a peg. Cogswhallop and the other goblins are a lot of fun; while they can be vicious little blighters, they are by no means villainous. They’re a bit like the ones from “Reincarnated as a Slime,” except with more “bite,” so to speak. Makenna is a fun heroine, too, and the other characters are all engaging, if sometimes on the simple side. Apparently the first book was so popular it led to two sequels, becoming a trilogy simply called “The Goblin Books.” I have yet to read the second and third book of the series as I type this, but if they are anything as good and as interesting as the first, I can safely say it won’t be too long before I pick them up…

3. Green Goblin & Hobgoblin, from Spider-Man.

I actually might have given these characters the number one slot, except that (unless you count the Ultimate universe), they aren’t TECHNICALLY real goblins. Instead, these are a couple of supervillains with a sort of goblin theme. The Green Goblin, of course, is Spider-Man’s infamous arch-nemesis; the identity was first adopted by Norman Osborn, a scientist and industrialist who developed a dark and deranged alter-ego while experimenting with unstable chemicals. Other Green Goblins would follow in his stead, including his own son, Harry; Peter Parker’s best friend who would eventually redeem himself by sacrificing his own life trying to save the people he cared for most. The legacy would continue further with the mysterious Hobgoblin: a brand new villain with similar abilities whose long-running career of crime was filled with numerous twists and turns, as Spidey tried to figure out who the Hobgoblin truly was beneath his hood and mask. The culprit turned out to be the power-hungry Roderick Kingsley, who adapted Osborn’s gear and methods for his own evil ends. Both are classic Spider-Man villains with large fanbases, and while they may not be ACTUAL goblins (at least not typically speaking), it’s hard to think of the word “goblin” or “hobgoblin” and NOT think of these two. For that reason above all else, they’ve earned their right to a spot in the top three.

2. The Lord of the Rings Series.

Alongside “The Princess & the Goblin,” perhaps no other take on goblins out there has been as influential as J.R.R. Tolkien’s versions of the nasty brutes. Alternately referred to as both “Orcs” and “Goblins,” these are very different creatures from most takes on the fairy-tale beings that came before them. And yes, before you Tolkien fans start yammering at me, I know that goblins and orcs are TECHNICALLY two different races, but…let’s not be pedantic, okay? They are basically the same thing, and I’ll get to that in a bit here, as it is. ANYWAY…goblins, prior to this were often described as fairly small beings. The typical depiction of goblins as long-nosed, pointed eared little rascals we see in so many versions was a long-standing tradition of much folklore and fantasy up to that time. Tolkien completely shattered that image, transforming the goblins into monstrous beings that were more like ogres than evil elves (though, apparently, elves and goblins are somehow related races). These burly, man-eating monsters were not very bright in most things, but were extremely skilled in the arts of violence, war, and torture. Middle-Earth seems to be crawling with these hideous monsters. They constantly pop up to torment our heroes by the thousands in the books, and in various factions; from the Goblins who live in various underground reaches, to the warg-riding Orcs who march from Mordor, to the Uruk-Hai; essentially man-made “Frankenstein Orcs” who serve the evil wizard Saruman. The dull but war-loving Goblins found in many video games, RPGs, and even some cartoons and comics nowadays probably owe much more to Tolkien’s cruel and ever-hungry monsters than to the scheming imps of MacDonald and earlier storytellers. These are “buff type goblins” at their most elemental.

1. Labyrinth.

No, the magnificence of the late, great David Bowie as Jareth the Goblin King is NOT the only reason. Of course, it is a major, MAJOR part of why this movie takes the top billing, but it is not the only reason. Containing some surprisingly subtle coming-of-age-story subtext, this cult classic fantasy film tells the absurd fairy-tale of a teenage girl named Sarah Williams, who ends up accidentally getting her baby brother kidnapped by Jareth the Goblin King and his monstrous minions. Jareth challenges her to get through his mystical labyrinth to reach the center of the Goblin City. If she can face him there by a certain time, she may have a chance to save her brother, before Jareth transforms him into one of his goblin goons. Thus Sarah embarks on her whimsical adventure, while Jareth and his goblins, along with many other obstacles, seek to impede her progress with all sorts of traps and puzzles. Though not especially well-received when it came out, the film has since been hailed as one of the best fantasy films to come out of the 1980s, and is widely regarded as one of the best works of many of the people involved in it, including Jim Henson, George Lucas, and of course David Bowie as the central antagonist. It’s never explained in the film why Jareth is so drastically different from the other goblins, but he lives a rather lonely existence, and appears to have a rather odd and sometimes chilling love-hate relationship with Sarah. Exactly what Jareth REALLY wants, as well as what he might represent, is left up to interpretation, but one thing’s for sure: he’s easily one of the most fascinating and fun villains of any film, period. The other goblins in the film are fun, too; all handled through masterful costuming and puppetwork, they have certain similar attributes, but also have a lot of variety in their designs. While perhaps not as influential on other interpretations of goblins, the way MacDonald’s or Tolkien’s have been, they are nevertheless unique and fantastic, and with Jareth at the head of their devilish band, it’s no surprise why Bowie and his little imps from Labyrinth take the top spot as My Favorite Goblins. Case closed.

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