#At least I'm pretty sure it was for me. It's bittersweet but especially sweet. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yomigaere · 4 months

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I just finished Virche Evermore about a week ago, and because I loved it so much, I thought I'd do a personal ranking of the characters and throw down my thoughts on all of them.

To be honest, I'm partly inspired to do this because I heard Mathis is the least popular love interest to the point where he even got rated beneath a few side characters in the Japanese official popularity poll, which I think is absolutely criminal.

Needless to say, major spoilers for the entire game below the readmore!

Mathis became an instant fave for me as soon as he was first properly introduced in the common route. He's so, so cute. I pretty much lost my mind from sheer cuteness at the CG of him being flustered when Ceres walked in on him writing his novel. His romance is sweet and I feel like he and Ceres go well together. His actual situation is tragic. Since he was my first route, I was so glad when I unlocked the salvation ends and could finally get a happy ending (by Virche standards) for him; he deserves a million times better than the death of personality he suffered in his main bad end, and his salvation end, while bittersweet, was beautiful.

Lucas is my poor little meowmeow. I feel so sorry for him, even when he's at his worst, not least because he's been dealt such a shitty hand in life. His route might be the biggest pain train of them all, especially given that even his salvation end is tragic as all hell; he and Nadia and Ceres deserve so much better. (It sure was a narrative choice to have the branching point for his endings be after Nadia's turned into a monster and he's been drugged into going on a murderous rampage, though...) I was a little bit skeeved by his romance at first when it was initially revealed that he'd been in love with Ceres for years, but it became more understandable when the circumstances behind it came out (guy was 15 at the time and in a very bad place) and by the time Ceres got to see the full truth of Lucas's situation I'd become way more invested in their relationship. The "goodnight kiss" CG in his salvation end absolutely broke me.

Yves is very cute and very sweet and has the best romance with Ceres and deserves so much better than he's gotten from shitty randos. The scene with Ceres kissing his facial scars while he's crying is my favourite romantic moment in the whole game. I like that he cries a lot, even if it puts me through the emotional wringer as much as he goes through it in his route. (This game's great for crying vulnerable long-haired pretty boys. I swear this isn't me being a sadist.)

Ankou is evidently the top husbando in this game's fandom, and besides his looks and voice, Le Salut certainly let me see why. He has one of the cutest blushing sprites, and after 600+ years of misery I really think he deserves way more happiness than he can get in any of the canon routes; he's a big reason why I'm hoping the fandisc will get licensed for an English release. His death in Le Salut's salvation end is the other most heartrending moment in the game for me.

Ceres isn't my favourite otome heroine ever, but I do like her quite a bit. It's easy to feel for her when everything she's been through has taken such a toll on her self-esteem, yet I love how her resolve to be less resigned and more proactive gets reflected in most of the right choices in the common route. She has nice moments of strength beyond that, too; I particularly enjoyed how indignant she could get at Capucine, and her defiance in the face of Jean hoping to capture her despair on camera was metal coming from someone like her.

Hugo is my favourite side character, regardless of how controversial he apparently was with the Japanese fanbase when the game originally came out there. (Heaven forbid that a gay character exists in an otome game, amirite? Especially one who happens to have feelings for one of the love interests...) The "Resemblence" bad ending with him is my favourite game-over, heartwrenching though it may be. I do wish his death on Yves's route didn't come immediately after my favourite romantic moment, though; that was a bit too on-the-nose for my comfort. I liked what Le Salut did with him towards the end, including him deciding to join Yves on his journey to Japan and the possibility being left open that maybe, just maybe, if Yves doesn't remain stuck on Ceres forever, Hugo's feelings for him could have a chance of eventually being reciprocated. (Yes, I ship this too even though I love Yves/Ceres. I feel like the part of the fandom Hugo was so controversial with might tear me apart for this, but I don't even care.)

Nadia is the sweetest little cinnamon roll who's too good for this world, too pure, and she deserves only good things and no bad things... which is a major reason why Lucas's route is such a pain train. Still, I'm glad that at least in Le Salut's salvation end she and her brother get to live and be happy. ;.;

Adolphe's okay; I like him well enough. In fact, I don't think it makes a whole lot of sense for an Ankou fan to dislike Adolphe too much, considering that Ankou is Adolphe from another timeline, even if Ankou has been through more than enough of his own experiences that he 100% qualifies as his own person. I don't think his angst over being "normal" is that hard to get behind in the context of this kind of story; he's the one "normal" person in a place like Arpéchéle, which from their point of view would make him the oddity if they knew, so I can't blame him for being afraid of what might happen if the truth about him got out (with Ankou's backstory being proof of the possible consequences).

Salome turned out to be a very interesting and complex character, and she looks so lovely without her habit, though I also can't help feeling like her writing was a little bit untidy in places. That said, the fact she got rated the second-least-popular character on the official poll, even below Jean of all people, is criminal.

Scien is my least favourite love interest by a big margin, and his route was also my least favourite by far. I realise that this is an extremely unpopular opinion, given that he's one of this fandom's biggest darlings, so I can't say I'm not wary of potentially getting some backlash for this. =/ I'm not opposed to asshole characters in the slightest, and Scien has his enjoyable moments, but he just doesn't do it for me on the whole. Furthermore, I tend to dislike characters who come across as "creator's pets", and Scien definitely feels like one to me between the favouritism he gets from the narrative and how his route acts like he can do no wrong to the point of bordering on double standards. I'll spare anyone reading this too much more crankiness from me, but I do want to add that it was super satisfying when he got called out for a change in Yves's route.

Dahut gave me very mixed feelings in the end. On one hand, he's a pretty good "final boss" and I have no issue with how he's written. On the other hand, his hypocrisy drove me up a bloody wall and I wish he was more sorry for his role in screwing up the Proust siblings' lives. Good character, but too frustrating as a person for me to really enjoy.

Jean is a scumbag, and as a Mathis fan I feel no remorse in hating him for the lies and abuse and other bullshit he put my boy through. Also as a Mathis fan, I felt enormously frustrated by how Le Salut was way too forgiving towards him and basically gave him a slap on the wrist for everything he did, even to the point where it felt like Mathis was being made to pander to his abuser; it's my one big complaint about that route, which I otherwise enjoyed. I was much more okay with how Jean was handled in Mathis's own salvation end; it wasn't perfect, but at least he wasn't a karma houdini there.

Capucine is an even bigger scumbag and thoroughly deserves his place as the most hated character. I lost count of how many times I went "fuck you" at him for his treatment of Lucas and Nadia. Every death he can get, whether it's being blown up offscreen or being butchered by Lucas offscreen or being mauled by Nadia onscreen, is cathartic and very well-deserved.

#virche evermore #shuuen no virche #mathis claude #lucas proust #just to tag in my favourite boys #virche spoilers #my unpopular opinions let me show you them #... just to be safe

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just-a-carrot · 5 months

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So, this may be a loaded question, and I'm sorry about that. But I really want to know, do you have any plans on what to do after OW ends? Like, any new stories?

It is completely 100% okay if you don't, especially considering you have a lot of things going on in your life, and you aren't actively trying to monetize your games. However, I just want you to know that your games mean so, so much to me, and many other people.

Our Wonderland has become an immense comfort to me over the past few months, and everyday I look forward to any new content you or others may post. That's not an exaggeration. Seeing OW content is genuinely a highlight of my day.

I know it can't last forever, but with the finale being so close I must admit that I will miss the story greatly. I'll probably keep replaying it and thinking about it for months on end.

I apologize if it comes off that way, but I'm not trying to guilt trip you into making more content than you want/can handle. I just want to tell you my honest feelings about the game, and the impact it had on me.

I hope, whatever the case is, that you'll be happy with your decision and that things will go well for you. You have created a genuinely amazing and beautiful story, and you deserve all the praise for it.

That's really all, Carrot. Please have a good day, and don't overwork yourself. You're an amazing dev. :D

THIS IS VERY SWEET?????

you're going to make me cry... this whole thing is so lovely 😭💕

i don't yet have any specific plans or ideas for once OW is finished. that's mostly because i never make future plans for anything LOL (i am scared of the future...). i do have random various ideas for potential things i could do once it's finished, but i would not be able to tell you when they would happen (or even 100% confirmed they would happen); they're more just like, little kernels of potential things sitting latent inside my head. these include:

The OW remaster, where I go back through and make some of the earlier arcs better and more polish/redo some of the art (this has the highest chance of happening)

Maybe another random OW side game at some point??? I know I'm already working on OC now LOL but I have so many random ideas for these characters in my head that I don't doubt I will suddenly get inspired to do yet another side game of some type, tho I don't know what that could be yet. I imagine it would be something of a different vibe than OC since I'm getting all my bittersweet-fluff-needs out now LOL

Game jams... I don't have any specific ideas for game jams but because they're always going on, there's always the chance I'll get a random little idea for one. Particularly when O2A2 rolls around again next year as it's such a good opportunity to work on something small and different. Or maybe next Spooktober (though I'd need a really good idea for that as I would feel a bit pressured to make sure it's good LOL)

A new project? I have an idea for one that's been tumbling around in my head for a while now that's more of a dark fantasy vibe. If I start to get the story for that a bit more developed in my mind I may eventually start working on it or at least start doing some sketches to help me better figure out the chars

those are all my current tumbling thoughts. but again because i hate planning or thinking about the future, they're all just kinda vague and none of them are 100% confirmed (even if the remaster is something i'm pretty sure i wanna do)

sob it really means so much hearing that you feel so strongly about OW though. just knowing that there are people out there who look forward to hearing about my chars brings me so much joy, especially since i think about them basically every second of every day LKDJLFAKDSFA they've really been my life for the last 2 1/2 years, to the point where it's hard to even think about not thinking about them or game dev in general. so really thank you so much for your support and for letting me know this as it's so sweet and kind! 💕

#ow: asks

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sherwoodknights · 1 year

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In honour of My Gang To Me day, on this most illustrious Wednesday 26th of April, I thought I'd have a bit of fun and think about all the things that could have been. The season 4 we could have had, if you will.

(Only it'll hopefully be better because I no longer trust the bbc to do right by this show)

I'm not exactly creative enough to come up with a whole plotline on the spot here (although if you amazing outlaws can, I applaud you) but I'd like to at least give a couple of characters I'd love to see reappear in a 4th season, maybe one set a few years, or a decade on from the final episode, when Prince John has become king.

You know I had to do it to 'em, of course it's my boy- Luke Scarlett

Anyone who knows me and my love for minor characters was expecting this one. BUT I wholeheartedly stand by that bringing Luke back to Nottingham would be a good idea. He has the connection to Robin and the gang, but he's also enough of a minor presence in his two episodes on the show that his personality could be developed pretty much any way a writer would want (unless they massacre my sweet angel baby's characterisation. Then I will be laying down a gauntlet 😂).

Maybe he got restless in Scarborough, maybe he got tired of waiting for Will to come and find him (😬), maybe he just needed a trip down memory lane. All I know is that this lad has something of an eye for justice that might come in handy somewhere like Nottingham....

She's been misunderstood for too long, and consider this my formal apology for all the hatred my uneducated self had when I watched season 3 for the first time- Kate

When we first saw Kate, she was a young woman angry with the world (and the Sheriff, of course). But she was certainly a woman who could hold her own, and she wasn't afraid to stand up for people she cared about. Now, imagine a decade down the line. Call it a cliché, but maybe in those years, she's had Robin's child (I know, I know, but it's just an idea) and she'll do whatever it takes to protect her child. Or maybe we bring in the old faithful headcanon for real; Kate as the new Nightwatchman, honouring the spirit of Robin Hood by helping those who are suffering.

I think it would be nice to revisit her character as more of a solo act, especially since the writing of season 3 really let her down and didn't give her much chance to shine outside of her romance plotlines.

The most questionable of these characters for certain, but I felt like I had to give him a chance here- Archer

Archer always felt like a bit of a mixed bag for me. He had the flirty charm and charisma of early seasons Robin, combined with some Allan levels of con-man skill, but he was definitely a selfish guy, and maybe not the best choice to pass down the Robin Hood mantle to, despite the very weird character 180 in the final episode (lets just say, it's not a season 4 I'm sure I'd have enjoyed watching).

But an Archer who's had years to mature, to work on actively being a better man, could be an interesting addition to a series; a man constantly grappling the morals he seemingly grew up learning against the ones he saw in people like Robin and the outlaws. It could be that he's become disillusioned with the selfless lifestyle, until whatever event that kicks off the season ignites the little outlaw flame that's been hiding inside him.

Come on, you guys, it wouldn't be a Robin Hood season without them- the OG gang

You all knew this was coming, right? There's no way I would suggest a season 4 without these guys. While it would be bittersweet to be reminded of who we lost along the 3 season journey (*sniffles and wipes away a tear* no, I'm fine, don't worry about me, im doing okay I promise 🥲🥲🥲), it would be nice to at least see how our old friends have been doing. They could remain a regular presence in the season, or they could be relatively background to the action, doing what they can, but maybe not being quite so active in a fight.

It would be so lovely to see their reaction to Robin's spirit and influence reaching somewhere outside of the gang, being kept alive by people with a drive to make the world a better place. Also, imagine what a tearjerker it would be for all of us og viewers to see a gang reunion 14 years on....

An honourable mention to the best beta couple of the show, and no, I'm not talking about Much and that roast pork- Will and Djaq

A few years ago, the return of Will and Djaq would have been the ultimate dream, and who am I kidding, deep down it still kind of is. While a return in season 3 would have been something I would have gladly celebrated, I am now very much of the mind that a post-canon return would destroy me, heart, soul and all. I don't think I would be able to emotionally handle Djaq and Will learning that Allan died while they were gone (and Robin too, of course, but we all know that i am not above blatant favouritism when it comes to this show).

However, I am very much an angst enjoyer, so maybe this is a good time to invite the fandom to make me cry about this before I manage to do it to myself 😂

And the final honourable mention goes to all the RH ocs people have created over the years

I know that I am certainly not above the creation of shameless oc creation (I have at least 5 ocs that I have created for this show alone) and neither are many of my beloved mutuals- big shoutout to @chaoticbitheatrekid and @muchadoaboutcj for being some of the first people I talked ocs with in this fandom, and in general (love you both so much, happy Robin Hood day to both of you x)

So many of the ocs I've seen in this fandom are absolutely brilliantly written, creatively developed and irresistibly lovable, and since an official season 4 doesn't seem to be on the bbc cards anytime soon, consider this my official encouragement to go wild! Write your own season, use all the ocs you can imagine (or if you're anything like me, procrastinate indefinitely on the actual writing and just very vividly imagine your ideal season)

~~~

So there we have it! It's certainly not an exhaustive list, but I felt like I had to do something special for my 3rd active My Gang To Me day considering how much I slacked off last year

Much love to everyone out there keeping the fandom alive, I wish you all a wonderful anniversary of the Locksley Four Rescue, and never forget:

WE ARE ROBIN HOOD!

#my gang to me 2023 #bbc robin hood

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artigas · 1 year

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Hi!I 👋 I was so happy that you updated Striking the Match! I really liked the last chapter (especially because of THAT scene) but I was pretty confused by the ending. Could you maybe share a bit more about what happens in the last chapter?

Sure thing, thanks for reading and reaching out to me! NGL, I worry I lost some folks with that ending. From the start, I really wanted the story to have a bit of darkness to it. To some extent, that's probably due to the fact that I tend to find bittersweet endings the best of all -- in fact, I can't think of a single fanfiction I've ever written were I didn't at least plan to have it end with some real sadness. I actually have @twobrokenwyngs to thank for changing the ending of what became my most popular fanfiction from, like, terribly sad to moderately hopeful lmao

Let me just say this about the MM fic ending . . .

I wanted to honor the fact that, in canon, John is doing a terrible thing to unsuspecting people. He's motivated by love, but I don't think you have to think about that for very long before you'll become discomforted by his intentions. Why does he feel like he has a right to uproot Millie's life? Why does he so easily believe (and the show entirely conceit, it seems) that everyone would want to be younger, to go back, to live their past all over again? How exactly does he imagine things are going to go with Sarah, anyway? Is it kind to pull the rug from under her feet and reveal the truth of her parentage? Does she owe anything at all to the stranger who didn't play the role of her father, but simply contributed to her birth? What about the love she has for the man who presumably raised her, the man she believed to be her father, where does that go?

I think, in canon, John is a character who is willing to cross all sorts of boundaries because he didn't want to die alone and he mortally regretted living like that way. In StM, I tried to imply that John was exposing Hassan to the vampiric blood from pretty early on and, in my mind, that's his motivation. He sees someone who understands him in Hassan. He maybe even sees a way into having a family and he is, for the first time, unburdened by the shame that I imagined kept him in the clergy. He can have love now, he can have a life now, and the only obstacle is that Hassan doesn't see the full picture just yet, so why not give him some gentle pushing in the right direction?

in short . . . I wanted to just acknowledge that he's an asshole lmao like, i didn't want my fic to be sacchrine and sugary-sweet. i wanted to capture a little bit about that terrible man who forces his way into Riley's darkest insecurities and throws his fear of being a murderer in his face. The last chapter was meant to make that all more explicit. It's a betrayal of trust and consent, of course it is, but I'm hoping to write a rather short sequel that will grapple with the guilt and the wrong of that. And I also want it to be happier, in the end, because to be loved is to be changed and I want to write Hassan as a character who would change everything because that's how significant he is. And it will also have another steamy scene because, lbr, that's half the fun of this shit.

#asks #midnight mass #striking the match

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daddy-suguru · 2 years

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𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕔𝕦𝕞 𝕚𝕤

𝕘𝕖𝕟𝕣𝕖… hdcs, nsfw

𝕤𝕪𝕟𝕠𝕡𝕤𝕚𝕤... Talking about his cum, I've been thinking about it since the breeding post

𝕔/𝕨… breeding, swallowing cum, mentions of punishment, praise, degradation, cock warming

ℕ𝕒𝕟𝕒𝕞𝕚 𝕂𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕠…

Not thick and not thick, but creamy, dribbles out of his slit steadily. And when Kento cums deep inside you, as he pulls out his cum trails after his cock. Meaning when he finishes pulling out and looks at your pussy, there is a creamy pool mixing with your cum. "Your pussy is so pretty, so beautiful. And you're breathtaking, my love. Do you want me to push my cum deep into your pussy with my fingers?"

Kento is sweet and only want so to cum where you're comfortable with it. Though he loves seeing his cum coat the outside of your pussy. And when you collect it on your fingers and let him see it get stringy as you spread your fingers before cleaning yourself off. Kento gets hard again.

Kento tastes superb, he makes sure that he eats the proper stuff so you want to drink his cum more. And his pre-cum is just sweet. It's a good thing that he, as long as you keep sucking, more comes out. "Ngh, you aren't going easy on me are you? If you keep sucking me like that, I'm going to cum too quickly. It's been a couple of days and I can't hold back."

𝔾𝕠𝕛𝕠 𝕊𝕒𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕦…

A mixture of thick yet thin cum that's stringy with the occasional glob. His cum spurts out and you can feel it hit the back of your pussy. If Satoru wasn't in your pussy, he would be project cumming far. That being said, he sounds just as dramatic as he is when he cums, "Just like that, mm fuck yeah, fucking shit ghnnn oh fucking me. Please, baby, don't stop. Clench your fucking pussy. nnn gonna cum, gonna stuff you, gonna fucking fill you up!"

Sticky and you are fully familiar with that simple because Satoru loves cumming on your chest and smears it around. The sight of your nipples wet with his cum and the fucked out look on his face from just taking his cock has round one getting extended. "You like me making you a mess? Like seeing how hard I get just from looking at you? Your stupid little pussy got me spoiled. That it's all I could think about when I fuck my hand. Quite your whining. Maybe if your pussy didn't get so wet and didn't make me cum so hard, I would get bored already. Did you hear that? How wet your pussy sounds when I slip my cock inside you?"

A weird bittersweet flavor he has going on. And it's not bad, but it's not good either. He is the type of pinch your nose and choke you with his cum. At least it goes down kind of easy, leaving only a slight feeling his cum is still there afterwards.

𝕋𝕠𝕛𝕚 𝔽𝕦𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕘𝕦𝕣𝕠…

More on the liquid side, and very warm because of Toji being hot natured. It feels good spilling inside you. Toji hits your cervix and when he cums he is DEEP, his fat cock head keeps his cum from going anywhere, creating a pressure as his cum pools up inside you. "I love the way you squirm when cum in you. How about we cock warm, Daddy's his filthy cum in his dirty cock sleeve? Hmm, squeeze your pussy around Daddy again."

Toji's cum leaks the moment he pulls his cock out. But since his cum spills out of you so easily, it's hard to push in with his fingers. Meaning that he is just going to have to cum on you again. "Looks like all of it's wasted, but I'll let you have a brief break before continuing draining my balls. I love how you cry when I slap my creamy pussy."

Talking about flavor it ranges, Toji's cum goes from bitter too sweet. With his cum normally tasting bitter when he has been on a mission and his diet has been ass. Once he stays home for a little while and eats a little better, his flavor changes.

𝕊𝕦𝕜𝕦𝕟𝕒…

Not thick but not thin either, there is also a lot. Especially in monster form, double the cocks, double the cum. It trickles out of your pussy as he is fucking it back into you. “My cum is still coming out all around the base of my cock, s’ too much cum for your little pussy to handle. But you're going to let me pump some more cum in you and make your belly bulge.”

Stringy cum as well, Sukuna loves making a mess, so it’s suiting for him. And there are times he has you bend over, after smearing the mixture of his and your cum, so he can see the strings between your thighs and watch it trickle onto the floor. “Mmm baby girl, you're such a mess, so wet and warm. It’s all your fault I’m hard and I don’t care how much your pussy hurts. Come on, come on. Sit your whore self on my cocks.”

Sukuna tastes foul. He won’t do anything about it, so don’t ask. He also laughs when you taste his cum because of the face you make. Sometimes threatening to make you swallow his cum is a punishment.

𝔾𝕖𝕥𝕠 𝕊𝕦𝕘𝕦𝕣𝕦…

Thick so when his cum is dripping out of your pussy it comes in globs. Which makes it easier for him to snuff it back inside you with his fingers. More on cum on fingers, when he gathers it on his fingers and he has to keep his fingers together since it's not that stringy. “Clean my fingers up well enough, and I’ll consider letting you cum during our second round. What? You really thought I was going to let your bratty as cum during the first round. Heh, are you moaning cause you like eating my cum."

Because of the thickness of Suguru's cum, it takes a brief minute for all of it to spurt out of his cock. And he might need a few pumps, while other times he enjoys taking his time coating your walls.

Suguru's cum is kind of sweet, since he eats fruit to make sure he tastes good for you to swallow his cum. When you swallow, you can feel his cum sticking to your throat. You're going to need a drink to get all of him down. “Stick your tongue out, don’t swallow till I tell you too.”

m.list

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animatedrapture · 3 years

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[ say it back ! ]

《 masterlist || next 》

[thirty one: i do]

During your farewell with the rest of the MSBY team, Atsumu—at the very least—had messaged you that he wouldn’t go; pained as it made you, this was the barrage of consequences that came with harboring feelings, the ones you knew was coming but hurt you all the same. The decision of your exit from the team was explained properly, and thankfully, they took it quite well—save for Sakusa’s loud sigh, muttering “stupid Atsumu,” under his breath.

Speaking of Sakusa, surprisingly enough, he hugged you right before you left. A heavy sigh escaping his lips, your stunned state tense against his body, “Well, I’m not going to see you for quite a while, Y/N,” he says through his mask.

You shake your head, chuckling lightly, “I’ll surely miss you, Omi-omi.”

As if on cue, he groans at his nickname yet lets it slide, patting your head lightly with a short nod in regards, something that makes you smile.

With that, it’s easily been more than a month since you left the team and since the begrudging decision to also put a pause on traditional movie nights. You haven’t talked to Atsumu either, save for that message to inform you of his absence in your little farewell party. It’s genuinely bittersweet how things turned out—but there was probably no way it could’ve turned out completely all okay, everything intact. That simply wasn’t how life worked.

Hurt as you were to have lost a best friend, if even in temporary terms, the world would continue to work its magic—running around and busying itself as did everything in it.

Sweet, though, because Suna stayed with you through all of it—understood when you came to him in anxious thought that perhaps you went about everything the wrong way. He opened his arms to pull you in and kept you in such comfort each time. He was still himself, of course, lazed out and bored expression across his face ever prominent—his replies remained near dry, try as he might to be the sweetest boyfriend he could pull off. Still, every night he kept you caged in his arms; occasionally, he would pick a flower randomly from around the campus to give to you when he sees you again in between breaks; and every kiss he pressed into your lips made up for it and more.

The way he would put little bookmarks casually when he knows you’ve forgotten about the book you held in your hand, the way he knew what drink to get you, the way his lips would curl up more often—the way he would direct his camera on you, capturing you in the most unexpected moments, it was those that screamed just how much he loved you. So soon enough, the movie nights you had with the twins that was brought to an abrupt pause were replaced with your dates with Suna.

Yet, true to his word, Suna would say “I love you” more often than you'd assume he would, each time not less sincere but with more meaning—as if the more he said it, the more it rang true and heavier against his chest as if his lungs would constrict if he failed to tell you. Not that it was out of necessity either, he would always say it in spontaneity that it would leave your mouth agape before letting out a scoff, telling him he’s ridiculous; yet he’d hide the smile tugging on the corner of his lips, simply because he knew all too well how much you loved the way he did it.

It didn’t take long for Suna to finally join your little hangout events with the rest either—and neither were you mistaken on the assumption that he would fit in well with Kenma, Akaashi, Kuroo, Tsukishima, and Bokuto; though, it might be more so because Suna easily bonded with Kenma over video games, or Suna's ability to quickly retaliate to almost every comment that Tsukishima made. Soon enough and much to your dismay, Suna had started slowly replacing you in Kenma’s gameplay reviews—to which Kenma reasoned with, “You lose all the time anyway,” and had you not adored the way they were all getting along so well, you probably would’ve smacked Suna on the back of his head when he started cackling at Kenma’s response.

As for Atsumu, he did stay in MSBY—but he failed to avoid Sakusa’s glare and cold logic over the situation initially. It was a bit odd though, Sakusa had informed you, because of Bokuto’s occasional slip of your name, especially during the first few weeks after you left the team. You’re not sure if Atsumu knew, but Ayumi kept in touch with you and asked for advice on how to handle him, though she did let you know that Atsumu listened to her more often than he used to since you left as the assistant manager with no one to replace you. You and Osamu remained in touch the best you both could despite it all, he let you know that he avoided mentioning you; yet in the end, it was Atsumu himself who would ask about how you’ve been—and you continued to wonder how long “later” was and when “later” would finally come. Especially when a few more months passed without direct contact with Atsumu.

Before you knew it, you were already moving in with Suna in a new apartment after noticing how little time Suna spent in his own apartment in the fifth floor since the both of you made up. Moving in the new place was surprisingly less stressful that you thought it would be, too. Settling in so quickly and easily as you did with Suna, which was probably why it had felt so easy—because you were moving in with Suna Rintarō, the person you trusted more than yourself.

But besides all that, everything also remained the same. You did have to look for a new part time job, though. Something that Suna responded with, "Just be our manager or somethin'."

You turn to him with an incredulous look, trying to see if he was kidding, but his eyes remained trained on the screen of his phone as he leaned back on the couch, sucking on his favorite jelly sticks—enough to let you know he wasn't kidding at all.

You flick his forehead, making him look up at you with an eyebrow raised, “Personal relationships like ours isn't allowed if I'm your manager, genius,” you deadpanned.

He hummed in thought, tilting his head a little, "Wanna breakup?" He grinned jokingly, and he chuckles as you grumble at his question.

“I hate you,” you scoffed, turning away your attention from him as he continued to snicker at your reaction before pulling you close to him.

“You love me,” he states with a silent laugh.

“Mhm, I do.”

Suna Rintarō wouldn’t have it any other way.

fun facts:

♡ suna and y/n hasn’t done any kind of housewarming party because they would obviously be incomplete.

♡ kenma says that y/n always loses in the videos anyway but really, he just gets more views when he has suna on instead. [suna is pretty, we can’t blame kodzuken’s audience]

♡ i might’ve clickbaited y’all on the title. probably should've been a longer chapter but i really like the idea ive got for the finale !! so yeah, stay tuned on 32!!

wc: 1.1k+ words. not proofread.

#suna rintarou #suna x reader #suna #suna rintaro x reader #suna rintaro smau #haikyuu smau #haikyuu #[🍒]sayitback #[🍒] — sayviolet #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n

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sunnycity-coldpeople · 2 years

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Thoughts on Paradise Kiss

I binged Paradise Kiss in two days and enjoyed it overall, although it didn't emotionally speak to me as much as I would have liked it to.

I found Yukari both naive and relatable, as some of her experiences and thought processes were some that I had had in my own teenage years: growing up in a household that puts enormous weight on one's academic career, meeting people that seemed like they were in a different & more colorful 'world' because they put their dreams before stability (in society's terms ofc), joining that world but also trying to keep in sight the one that she comes from because she wants both, wanting to please her mother and the people she loves... These were some general themes that I felt super connected to and that I hadn't seen represented in a show before.

I found the dynamic between Yukari and George really interesting. Like many people have said, George is pretty manipulative. But he also keeps you from hating him because you can tell that he really does have love and care for Yukari. I personally read their relationship's toxicity as the kind that young people often go through when they're still building their own personalities and unpacking their own baggage. It was actually kind of refreshing to be able to examine this kind of unhealthy-but-"loving" relationship from the outside in because I'm sure that many of us have been in this kind of romance without having had the proper chance to take a step back and look at it with such objectivity.

I thought that the story's pace was a bit inconsistent and made it hard to grasp how much time was passing—for example, I was surprised when it turned out Yukari had only left home for a few days because the narrating made me believe she had been gone for a couple of weeks, at least. But in this specific example, I guess this is also what first love often is like: intense, you're so absorbed in every second of that relationship that it feels like you've known that person for so much longer than you really do. Just like in Nana, I really enjoyed the animation and Ai Yazamawa's signature style. The characters were all beautiful and memorable, especially Miwako, wow 💖. I loved the subtle LGBT representations, and the screen-time dedicated to Isabella's backstory. The character growth in Yukary was evident, and impressive considering the series is only 12 episodes long.

SPOILER The ending was meant to be bittersweet, but I was personally glad she ended up with Hiro because I had always rooted for him lol. He's always been super sweet with Yukari and I believe he could provide both support and stability for her.

Overall, I would give Paradise Kiss a 7/10. It's an easy watch and addressed a satisfying range of themes about love and life choices. However, like I said at the beginning, I didn't feel as touched as I'd expected to.

#paradise kiss #anime review #paradise kiss review #everyone is so pretty #ai yazawa #review

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l1l1l1l1 · 2 years

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Heroine for Hire review

Finally got around to reading this, it's been on my list since someone on Tiktok recommended it! After reading the first chapter, I wasn't sure how I felt about Serizawa being a "playboy" and needing Kodakamine to be his bodyguard from other girls. Like you can be upfront and set boundaries with people!! Anyway, continuing on, I enjoyed this series A LOT. The art style is *chef's kiss* and I especially love that Kodakamine is a girlboss lmao like she can defend herself, is sweet and is so pretty. She's become one of my favorite shoujo leads, it's pretty rare for one not to annoy me at least once. Serizawa did grow on me, I'm glad they got together!! Although I do wish we got to see more of them after being official, the series was too short!! I was expecting like 30 or 40 chapters but I guess looking back, the plot became complete once they became a couple.

I loved Kazune and Kozuki together, I just knew they'd be a couple. Kazune and Kodakamine could be cousin's in law hahah. I would've loved to see more of this couple tbh.

I somewhat felt bad for Sakaki, legit if he had communicated when they were younger that he didn't mean what he said, he and Kodakamine could've been together cause I think she liked him back then(?) possibly?? Or maybe she just liked him as a good friend, but one things for sure, they were the closest, she literally said he was "special". It was bittersweet to see him tell Kodakamine to confess to Serizawa before it's too late because that's the mistake he made. It does make me feel slightly better that he's slowly getting better at communicating with girls and is learning from his past.

Honestly I want to reread it again lol, it was just full of fluff and made my heart full!

Rate: 9.5

#heroine for hire #Hiroin Hajimemashita #manga review

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noblechaton · 2 years

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what are your thoughts on the sentimonster theories right now? their all over my dash 😭

(user has not seen Risk)

y'know it's been a thing for a while now and at first I was like. kind of outright against it as I felt it would just be some weird twist seemingly for no reason and while I do still feel that way a bit I've warmed up to the idea a bit more after however long since it started getting floated

so ig I'm pretty torn on it as on one hand I find the wrinkle it'd add to things possibly interesting especially with it possibly going even deeper than just Adrien to the likes of Felix and even like every rich person's kid being a sentimonster (for. whatever reason) to the point where u can kinda see some of it laced in already from Amelie's husband noticeably absent and presumably Tomoe's blindness, Audrey's marriage? ig? tho even if it's just Adrien and as bittersweet as it would surely be for him to discover and such I feel it could still have a huge impact on a much deeper level than just being a twist. it sorta kinda dips into some of my patented Kingdom Hearts Bullshit in that it reminds me of nobodies and replicas and how Xion or Roxas are no less their own people just bc they're not "actual" people - they have hearts all the same

and with that in mind it could really mean something for a show like this, aimed at the wide and all encompassing audience it's aimed at nowadays, to say so firmly that Adrien being a senti doesn't diminish him - to say that Adrien is no less Adrien regardless of if he's made of feathers or flesh - could honestly mean a ton to all kinds of people - to me! - and I think there's something very sweet in that that could speak to the bulk of the audience with a genuinely positive message that deals with acceptance of self, how to love urself in spite of everything else

on the other tho I admittedly have very little faith in it being handled well enough even if it's just Adrien if only bc of the stuff I've picked up about the behind the scenes happenings with the show and how such a thing would likely get interfered with real hard and either botched in the long run or outright nixed as a whole despite the odds and ends presented in the show meaning that there might be just...........no closure coming to any of that lmao. it definitely feels like the complex sort of storytelling that executives frown upon as it might hurt the bottom line

it's kind of a deeper twist than the show has shown before and like I respect that and wanna see where it would go if true but again there's a real high chance that like other elements/characters/etc. it just gets outright ignored or dropped midway thru and everything that might have built to it would be largely for nothing and basically ig I don't trust the ppl behind the show enough at this point to think they'll handle it well - or at least as well as it deserves - if it's even allowed to come to fruition. there's a lot about this that could speak to people on different levels and I just don't know if they know what they have on their hands enough to really come thru with it without some goofball catch attached

that leads into one of my fears if it is true and is acted on in the show as I imagine Adrien is gonna get poofed at some point and that the wish is gonna be used to bring him back and that he'll be brought back as "real" - which is the simplest possible way of taking things that would also trample all over any such deeper meanings while presumably not being satisfying and while I want to hope they'll avoid such a blatant pitfall I also wonder if such a story might not be the compromise from some upper level airheads allowing it to stay in. while I hate to say I'm expecting such a scenario it's kinda hard not to envision it given some of the other questionable choices made throughout the show that were likely brought on by management conflicts

basically I'm still a bit split on it bc while I genuinely don't know if it'll be allowed to flourish and be told the way it deserves, I think it could add to the show and mean a hell of a lot to a lot of different people if it's able to be executed largely intact and without interference

#ml spoilers #sentiadrien theory #i uh. dunno what else to tag this as btw. if yall need more tags on this one lemme know

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nalyria · 3 years

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God Michael! 🤣🤣 I finished playing Shadows of Saintsfour about two days ago during the Freeplay event and my LI was Michael.

I played SOS awhile ago but didn't get pass season 1 because I thought the series was super predictable which made it boring, but WOW DID IT PICK UP IN SEASON 2, esp 3!!! I can't believe it got better within those 2 seasons. I thought the story would be dragging on for no reason, but was pleasantly surprised that season 3 and season 2 were tied together with 1. And they existed in one cohesive story! I can't believe that I would have never, and I mean NEVER, would have touched this story again if it wasn't for the Freeplay event. I completely underestimated this story... I would have missed out this gem. Now I see why this is one of the more well-liked and popular book of the app now.

That being said, I love Michael. No not love, I ADORE him. Seriously.

I never screencap game moments but I had to for Michael. I never felt so much adoration for a character that made me want to do this 🤣🤣. I love the romantic scenes between MC and Michael and the conflict that was presented in season 2. And his asshole-douchery flaw....

In his next line, he says he's worried about you. He's just worried, but still Michael, no need to bring your girlfriend's friend down. ESPECIALLY WHEN THAT FRIEND HAS BEEN WITH HER THROUGH THE THICK AND THIN THAN YOU DID IN SEASON 2 and 1!!! (ofc Michael saved MC's life in season 1, but Derek has been sticking with MC when Michael hasn't, which is alot)

However, his sweetness towards MC is altogether too much. I wish he had more interaction with her friends tbh. But now I present the last line (I think) and perhaps the best from Michael...

So sweet 💕. Gosh he is still fallen head over heels for us 😳😭 like the first time. The sex scene with him was also so sweet... the line said everytging about him is familiar, yet there is something new to discover. 🥺I love how protective he is of MC and how absolutely loyal he is to her. He runs away with her FFS!!!! He leaves a gang and family with an equally traumatized brother just to be with her. He leaves everything for MC and if that doesn't scream Bae material, I don't know what else. He is the epitome of a ride or die partner and I cannot, I don't think, can feel the same attachment to the other LI's in this book. Probably John though lol.

I was super anxious during the train station scene because I thought I didn't have enough points with Michael for him to run away with me and the writers made it seem so, so I tapped pretty fast, half reading the lines in trepidation. When I read that he actually came and then we held hands as the train departed... my heart... 😭💔💔💔💔 RC don't play with my heart like that 🤣🤣🤣

That aside, I wish Michael had a bigger role in season 1, 2, and 3. He did in season 1, but he stopped appearing frequently, esp in 2 and 3. I thought he would appear more often because he's MC's bf. And it would make more sense for both of them to search together. Even unromanced, it would still make sense for Michael to hang with MC's group because they're the only ones who are really actively looking for Bobby. This would have led to more dynamics and interest in MC's friend group..alas, this didn't happen. A missed opportunity IMO but I suppose his absence could be explained by this: he has his own life. Lol. Or a different way of doing things. Still doesn't really make sense to me, but oh well. I still very enjoy his route and his development nonetheless.

I also wish other LI's had more moments with MC. I heard Stephanie was sidelined, not sure though because it was as though the main love interests would only appear around the time our chosen love interest appears. Not sure how much that is true since in season 1 I didn't romance her. Strange how she barely appeared in my route though. I thought she would help us more or become part of the gang, but she didn't. Disappointed because I would have def liked another best friend besides Candy and again, more layer to the friend group. Her interaction with Michael would have def be interesting.

I also wish that non-romanced main love interests appeared more than the Black dragons. To me, I don't think their role fit with the story very well if you think about it. Luke and Stephanie def would. Stephanie's grandma is acquainted with Mrs. Hill and is a witch; Luke's family's hold over the cursed painting. I wish the black dragons' appearances were at least shared with the non-romanced ones. Like I wish I knew what Luke and Stephanie were up to in detail. It was seriously strange for Luke to not be around when Bobby was missing and that he never tried contacting us. In both seasons 2 and 3, I couldn't stop wondering what they were up to and missed them (although Luke drugged us lol).

So imo, the black dragons' role should def be less than Luke and Stephanie. Definitely weird, but it is what it is.

Speaking of the Black Dragon's, Aaron is a hot daddy. Like GOD DAMN. I couldn't help but flirt and kiss with him although I was scared that it might ruin my relationship with Michael 🤣🤣🤣. Cherry.. i would like cherry if he was drawn better. At first, I couldn't like him because of his sprite but his personality is ahh, so mischievous, I love it. I would have picked Aaron over cherry though LOL.

I would replay season 3 to romance them again, but the scenes are very few and I already played most of them. I'm just missing their final sex scenes really, so it's not really worth it to replay the entire season just to get their ending and final sex scene lol.

I can't bear to cheat on Michael with Aaron or cherry, I can't do him dirty like that. Like for FFS, Aaron married Luke's sister and we never, at least imo, build the same heart wrenching connection we do with Michael compared to them. And the fact that he freaking left everything in his life for 10 years to be with us!! Like nooo I can't!! 🤣🤣 there aren't enough scenes with the side characters to justify the cheating 🤣🤣 Michael is too gentle and sweet for the hurt.... but i did cheat on him with Derek HAHHAHA mostly because 1996 Michael wasn't available so I thought something happened so I was like ALRIGHT GUESS WE FUCKIN'. I was tempted to choose Derek over Michael because Derek has been with us more than Michael has. Not to mention, he really cares for MC. Wish there was a 3p ending with both of them 😭😭 they're both super loyal to MC and would lay their life down for her.

The same thing with John too. I can't bear to see Michael grieving over MC and MC picking John over him... can you imagine Michael dying and finally seeing his dearly desired dead gf in DreamWorld but only to see her gettin' it down with some guy who tried to kill everyone in the past? 🤣🤣🤣 nah man I can't do him dirty, especially when Michael saved us from the Faun. Speaking of that event, it was weird that there wasn't a conversation/consequence from Michael who saw John kiss us LOL. And he definitely heard us talking about the intimate moments we shared HAHAHAHA. Though, John's short route is terribly cute. I really enjoyed it tbh. Surprised that we didn't have any repercussions for cheating on Michael with him. Moving on, I watched his ending on YouTube and it was super bittersweet.😭

I honestly like his route a bit more than Aaron's. Or equally. Can't decide! Aaron's route is basically MC still in love with her old crush who used to intimidate her and was exciting since he's someone you wouldn't acquaint yourself with, especially as a young, inexperienced student. And then coming back as a mature woman, and still knowing that you're in love with him and he is still too, ah so cute. That moment you share with him in the snow on the swings 💕💕. Honestly I feel like that moment MC needed a proper adult figure to comfort her so that scene was a bit weird and made me think, hm, MC is probably crushing on him because he is older, hot, and is sort of providing a parental comfort to her lol. In my HC universe, MC crushes on him, but it quickly dies because she was vulnerable in the moment. I'm happy that that moment didn't escalate any further and that Aaron didn't chase MC unless MC did in the end. It would have been very weird because it would have been a moment where he, as an adult figure, take advantage of MC. Then again, it's fantasy/fiction. To each to their own eh? I still enjoyed it. I honestly could personally relate to the line where Mc says that the experience and age (something like this) provided comfort to her, so that moment felt awfully sweet to me.

In the end, there could only be so much you can push in in a story game app.

I still really enjoyed this story. Despite the flaws I pointed out, I love this story to every bits. I find this much more entertaining than SOTF, so I'm glad that it is written the way it is. Perhaps I should write a post about SOTF in the future since I'm close to finishing it, but I don't think I will since I don't like it much.

#romance club #shadows of saintfour #the shadows of saintfour #SOS

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echo-bleu · 3 years

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Hi, hello, hey! I'd like to request #48, I'm in the mood for angst 💙 Never worry about length, I love & adore everything you write 💙💙💙

Em. I know that by “never worry about length” you meant “it can be super short”. I swear I meant to write something short. I...didn’t.

#48 “You make me want things I can’t have.”

It’s currently 22k and still growing. There will be 5 or 6 chapters, and the prompt doesn’t even come into it until late chapter 4...

It is ANGSTY. It’s a canon divergence where Magnus erases his memories of Alec in 3x19 Read at your own risk and maybe prepare tissues. But I promise a happy ending.

This was betaed by the amazing JeanBoulet. Huge thanks also to the folks at the Fandom Playhouse discord server for all the encouragement and squealing! Especially you Em: I love you and this is a slightly early Christmas present!

[Specific warnings: suicidal thoughts (mentioned), terminal illness/poisoning, internalized ableism]

Summary:

Over the ten months that follow Alec's deal with Asmodeus, Alec struggles to adapt to a world without Magnus in it, Magnus falls in love all over again and everyone just tries to make it through another day.

Alec is dying from venom poisoning and Magnus doesn't even remember him.

Read on AO3.

take me back to the start (1)

He’s in Pandemonium, staring across the room at an apparition with a bow in his hand.

He’s in his loft and standing over a pentagram, an electric jolt going through his body as he links hands with someone.

He’s kneeling in his living room, pulling energy from the hand in his, stumbling back against a lean and muscular body, exhausted.

He’s holding up his glass and toasting with a tall man, whispering words, flirting.

He’s watching the man train, shirtless, swallowing back his desire and trying to find the words to say how much he wants him.

He’s standing in a corridor, hurt and heartbroken, the man turning his back on him.

He’s storming into a wedding, and the man is striding toward him—

Wait.

Back up.

Back to the start.

There’s something bittersweet about being back at Pandemonium after all this time. They’re not here to chase a demon this time, or to offer a priceless jewel in exchange for a summoning. They were trying to get Clary’s memories back then, too, Alec remembers. He was against that plan from the beginning, but it led him to Magnus.

He thought himself in love with Jace, back then.

It’s a strange and painful turn of events that leads them back here. He’s not in love with Jace anymore. Clary isn’t the only one missing her memories. Izzy isn’t wearing that necklace today, though it’s been around her neck every day since—

Alec stops his recollection right there, before it turns into something else. He struggles inside, leaning heavily on his crutches. The music assaults his ears as soon as he’s past the door and he winces. He stays back as Jace and Izzy lose themselves into the crowd. He shouldn’t even be here. He doesn’t know why he decided to come, beside to punish himself.

He adjusts his grip on the crutches and looks around the large, dimly lit room, his height allowing him to scan the crowd easily. He can still see Jace and Izzy making progress toward the mezzanine on the other side of the room. The raised space is less crowded, reserved by the bouncers as a VIP section. Alec can distinguish the couches where a mix of Downworlders are lounging, Seelies blending in with vampires and werewolves.

And a single warlock.

Magnus looks different. He’s let his hair grow a little, and it’s not styled up but to the side, streaked with green and purple — or maybe that’s just the light playing tricks on Alec’s eyes. His outfit is flamboyant, gold brocade on a deep red velvet, the high collar opened on his chest to reveal multiple necklaces. Alec swallows hard.

Alec wonders, even now, if Magnus toned himself down for him when they were together, or if he simply didn’t feel the need to be noticed by other people as much when he was with Alec.

Jace and Izzy reach the stairs and briefly argue with the bouncer at the bottom. After a minute, Magnus makes a gesture and they’re allowed in. Alec can’t hear them, not over the deafening music. He forces himself to take his eyes off Magnus and slowly, painstakingly makes his way around the room, circumventing the crowd to avoid getting toppled over. His balance isn’t good enough anymore to risk the dance floor, and he’s in enough pain as it is without taking a fall.

Izzy and Jace are arguing with Magnus, clearly agitated, when Alec makes it to the mezzanine. The bouncer lets him through without protesting. Alec doesn’t look up until he’s made it up the stairs, and when he does, he can hear bits of shouted conversation amid the music.

“—for a bunch of Shadowhunters to come to my club—”

“Magnus, I know you’re angry, but this is about—”

“I don’t know why I’d even listen to Lightwoods of all people—”

“Magnus! What the fuck is wrong with you?”

That’s Jace. Alec wants to intervene, but he can’t bring himself to yell from across the room. He’s not sure he can speak at all.

“I know Alec broke your heart, but—” Izzy starts.

Alec braces himself. Magnus’ eyes land on him, but there’s no recognition in them, only a frown. The truth feels like a knife twisting in Alec’s gut. He was still holding on to hope but his mother was right, there’s no denying it now. Then Magnus looks at Jace and Izzy, his gaze turning angry, and back at Alec. There’s a vague curiosity on his face, a slight tilt of his head Alec knows well — but not anymore, because it’s not meant to be this way—

“Who’s Alec?” Magnus asks.

The knife twists again. Alec stumbles, hissing in pain. It feels like an actual, physical wound. His throat knots up, and he turns away from Magnus. He needs to get out of here.

He ignores the stabbing pain in his hip as he stumbles down the stairs, a mess of crutches and barely controlled steps, and it’s a miracle he doesn’t end up face down at the bottom. He runs out the backdoor as fast as he can, into a back alley smelling of piss and forgotten garbage. The contents of his stomach make it to the floor, behind a trash can.

He leans against the wall, barely avoiding stepping into a puddle of his own vomit, and stays there until breathing doesn’t feel like swallowing needles anymore. He doesn’t know how long it’s been when Jace and Izzy find him. He can’t get Magnus’ face out of his head. The way his eyes slid over Alec like he wasn’t even there. Who’s Alec?

“Alec,” Jace calls him. He must have felt Alec’s distress through the parabatai bond. Though Alec isn’t sure what Jace feels from him anymore, these days. Between the agony of leaving Magnus and his injury, Alec has tried his best to close his side of the bond.

And the last few days, he’s pretty sure Jace has tried to do the same for him. He looks rough, like he hasn’t slept in days — none of them has. Not since Clary left.

“Did he agree?” he asks.

Izzy scrunches up her face in pain. “Yeah, but—”

“He doesn’t remember us,” Alec states.

“Alec—”

“He erased his memories of me, and by extension, you. I hoped he’d remember Clary, since he knew her from before.”

“He does, that’s why he agreed to help,” Jace says. There’s hope and sorrow mixing on his face, warring with each other like he doesn’t know how to feel either. “But how could he—”

“I broke his heart,” Alec murmurs. “He has the power to erase me, so he did. At least he’s not hurting.”

“You knew?” Izzy asks, shocked.

“Yes. Mom went to see him, before the battle. She figured out what I’d done and she tried to tell him. He treated her like she was still a Circle member and he shut the door in her face. She told me once I woke up.”

“Oh, Alec,” Izzy squeezes his arm. Alec leans into her touch, even though he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want comfort. He wants...he wants the sweet relief of oblivion, too. But he’s not going to get that. Not yet.

And he wouldn’t want to forget Magnus for the world.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Jace asks.

Alec looks away, fighting back tears. It’s answer enough. He didn’t want to believe it, not really. He knew. He knew when Magnus didn’t come after the battle of Alicante. Catarina confirmed it, with a gentleness that surprised even Alec.

But everyone is gentle with him these days, like they’re walking on eggs. He’s become fragile. No, broken.

Broken beyond repair.

Magnus sighs. Having Shadowhunters in his loft makes his skin crawl. At least when he told them to bring a fifth they chose someone decent, Clary’s vampire friend Simon. It might make it harder to do the ritual, but Magnus won’t have to clean up after a fourth thoughtless Shadowhunter.

The two he’s already interacted with — Jace and Isabelle — are brash and annoying, clearly used to the spotlight. Simon seems to be dating Isabelle, though Magnus can hardly see what he sees in her beside her looks. She was downright rude the other day.

The third Shadowhunter is more interesting. He’s tall and handsome, honestly one of the most beautiful men Magnus has ever seen, though he looks sad and drawn. There’s something familiar about him that Magnus can’t place. Unlike his sister, he doesn’t particularly look like either of his parents, so it’s not that. Maybe something from one of the other Lightwoods or Truebloods Magnus has known over the years.

He’s avoiding Magnus’ gaze with a consistency that would be admirable if it wasn’t uncomfortable. Is he really so sure of his superiority that he won’t even look a Downworlder in the eyes?

No, it’s not that. Magnus is almost sure there’s something else, something he should know. Something...something to do with the box in his nightstand, the one with a carved bow and arrows on the lid.

He knows what the box is. He knows it contains memories he chose to remove from his mind, memories that must have been painful – Magnus knows himself. If the memories had been dangerous, he’d have put them somewhere safer. This is something else. This is personal. And something in his subconscious is telling him that these Shadowhunters have something to do with it.

It’s only one more reason not to trust them, as far as Magnus is concerned. If they hurt him badly enough that he had to remove his memories...that means heartbreak. Did they do something to his lover, somehow? Did they kill the one Magnus loved?

The tall Shadowhunter – Alec – talks quietly with his siblings in a corner of the room. He’s walking with difficulty, leaning on metal crutches that make a soft tap on the floor each time he takes a step. Magnus tracks him through the room that way, watching him through the corner of his eyes. Each move looks painful, and there’s something emanating from him, like an unknown sickness. Some sort of battle injury, Magnus guesses. From fighting demons in New York, or from the now infamous Battle of Alicante four months ago? He knows there were many casualties, and there must have been wounded Shadowhunters too.

“Magnus,” Isabelle calls him quietly. Magnus snaps back to the task at hand. They’re not here for a social call.

“What?” he snaps at her.

“I know you don’t remember us, but you know you’re missing memories, right?”

“Yes,” Magnus sighs. “I’m not interested in knowing more about them, especially not from you. I removed them for a reason.”

“Alright, alright,” Isabelle relents. “So, do you think you can help Clary?”

“If the Angels took away her runes and her memories, it’s not going to be the same as simply unlocking a mental block or retrieving memories,” Magnus says. “This won’t be easy, and I’m not sure it can be done.”

He sees the others, except Alec, gather around him to listen. “Once, you helped her get back her memories,” Jace said. “It didn’t work—” he glances at Alec across the room, “—but it could have.”

Magnus’ memory of that day is present, but incomplete, full of holes he knows are due to a memory spell. He doesn’t remember why it didn’t work. He hopes it won’t matter today.

“Those memories were ones I took myself,” he says. “I fed them to a memory demon. Biscuit’s current situation is a tad more complicated.”

“Then what are you going to do?” Isabelle asks.

“You said she has pure angel blood, didn’t you? And so do you,” Magnus points at Jace. “The same blood, in fact.”

“That’s right.”

“We’re going to use that. We’re going to ask for her memories back directly from the source. We’re going to summon an angel.”

“Is it safe?” Alec asks, approaching them, and Magnus realizes that this is the first time he’s spoken aloud in his presence.

“No,” Magnus answers.

“Alec, if there’s even a chance—” Jace pleads. “We have to.”

Alec closes his eyes, looking pained. “Jace—”

“No, Alec. It’s not fair. She didn’t chose this.”

Alec opens his eyes again, his whole body stiffening. Isabelle’s eyes widen as she looks between him and Jace, and even Jace seems to freeze in shock at his own words. The whole room appears to hold its breath, waiting to see Alec snap.

“You’re right,” Alec says after a moment, his shoulders slumping. He looks like he’s holding the weight of the world on his shoulders. Magnus feels a strange instinct to help him, to offer a body to lean on – but he doesn’t move. “She didn’t. We’ll do it.”

He’s clearly the leader of their group, because after that, there’s no protest, no question, not even from Simon. In fact, Simon looks at Alec with a mixture of admiration and sadness in his eyes, and his gaze is hard when he turns back toward Magnus.

Magnus doesn’t know what he’s done to provoke this kind of hostility. From cocky Shadowhunters like Jace and Isabelle, he expects it, though he’s starting to suspect that their carelessness is only a facade. From Simon, with whom he’s only had friendly, even fatherly interactions? Not so much.

Alec seems to be the only one not angry with him in some way. Instead, he steals looks at Magnus when he thinks Magnus is not looking, and his gaze in those moments is too intense, filled with emotions Magnus can’t even begin to comprehend.

Isabelle makes Alec sit down on the couch while Magnus prepares the ingredients needed for the ritual. Alec refuses at first, looking around him like he doesn’t want to touch anything in the loft, but he relents after half an hour, clearly in a lot of pain. He stays with his back ramrod straight, refusing to relax. He touches the leather of the couch almost reverently, and Isabelle just tilts her head sadly.

Magnus is being far too curious about them. He has no reason to be. They’re just Shadowhunters paying for his services, that’s all. He needs to focus on helping Clary.

The ritual involves painting the ceiling as well as the floor, so he concentrates all his magic on the intricate drawings. “Is this some kind of angelic pentagram?” Simon asks curiously.

“Not exactly,” Magnus answers. “There are similar elements, but this is an angelic Seal.” He doesn’t add that it’s the archangel seal he inherited from his father. An entrance to Heaven, right here at his doorstep, even for a Fallen angel. “It still needs five people to activate it.”

“Summoning an angel,” Simon says. “It’s gotta be dangerous, right? I mean, not for them, but for us?” he gestures to Magnus and himself, excluding the Shadowhunters.

“It could be painful, if the angel doesn’t like our demon blood. Are you ready to do that for Clary?”

“I’d go to Hell for her,” Simon says, tilting his head. “And further.”

Magnus nods. “Angels are unpredictable, but this one will be bound by the Seal. He shouldn’t be able to do true harm.”

“So we just ask him to give back Clary’s memories?” Isabelle asks.

“I’m just handling the Seal,” Magnus says. “It will take all my energy. Jace will ask the question. I suggest you think about what you want to ask.”

Jace nods from where he’s standing in parade rest by Alec. “I already know,” he says.

“Then gather up,” Magnus says. “I’m ready.”

They all stand around the circle he painted on the ground, each going inside one of the smaller circles linked by a network of white lines. Alec leaves his crutches on the floor outside of the Seal area and limps over to his spot with a grunt, standing with his full weight on his good leg.

“Link hands,” Magnus orders.

Isabelle and Jace exchange a look Magnus can’t interpret. They’re on each side of Alec, with Simon beside Isabelle and Magnus completing the circle between him and Jace. He reaches out and clasps his hands with the two men.

The pull on Magnus’ power, as soon as the circle is closed, is immense. If he hadn’t recently received an enormous boost, thanks to his father’s death and Edom’s destruction, he wouldn’t have been able to handle it. He focuses his energy on keeping the Seal stable, between the floor and the ceiling, a column of light with them on the outside.

The form of the angel starts to shimmer inside the light, wings folded back against his back. He doesn’t become fully solid, instead remaining ethereal, almost see-through.

“Who dares to summon an angel?”

His mouth doesn’t move, but the voice rings in all their heads.

Magnus grits his teeth against the pain blooming in his chest, tightening his hold on Simon and Jace’s hands. It was always going to be painful. The angels hate nothing more than demon blood, even – especially – when the blood is from a fallen angel. It hurts like hell, but Magnus has been to hell, and he’s come back. He can do this. Simon is wincing, but not as badly, his own demon blood more diluted.

What Magnus doesn’t expect is for Alec to cry out and crumple, barely holding onto his siblings’ hands. He’s angel-blooded. He shouldn’t be in pain. Or is it just his injury acting up under the pressure of the Seal?

He looks barely conscious, his mouth half-opened in a cry of pain. Magnus swallows against his own throbbing chest and signals to Jace to get a move on.

“Raziel’s soldier, and Ithuriel’s child,” he answers. “I am of angel blood.”

The angel turns toward him. “Jonathan Herondale. Yes, we know of you. What do you want from the Angels?”

“My lover, Clarissa Fairchild. She’s one of your children, too. You took her powers and her memories.”

“She played with powers beyond her understanding,” the angel says. “She was punished.”

“I’m asking the angels for forgiveness,” Jace says. “Forgive her, and she and I will be your soldiers on Earth, for as long as you desire.”

Magnus grimaces and hopes Jace knows what he’s doing. He hasn’t had much dealings with the angels before, but this is a not promise that can be taken lightly.

The pain is getting harder to bear, and Magnus wishes Jace would hurry up. Simon is looking a little frayed around the edges, his face screwed up in pain.

Alec looks like he’s hanging on by a thread.

“It is not in my power to decide,” the angel says. “But the Angels are fair. We do not deal punishment unjustly. Her sentence is not forever.”

“She’ll be forgiven?” Jace asks, his surprise showing through his facade. “She’ll get her memories and her runes back?”

“Eventually.”

“But when?”

The angel opens his mouth, but before he can answer, Alec lets out a cry of pain and his hands slip out of his siblings as he falls to the floor. The circle breaks, and the pillar of light disappears, taking the angel with it. “No!” Jace cries out, but he doesn’t reach for the angel. He reaches for Alec instead.

He falls to his knees beside his brother. “Alec!”

“I’m fine,” Alec grunts, through he’s clearly anything but. He’s curled up on himself, his face white with agony, even now that the angel is gone and the pressure on Magnus’ chest has left. “I’m sorry, Jace.”

“It’s okay, brother,” Jace murmurs. “Why did he react like this?” he asks louder, looking up at Magnus.

Magnus shakes his head. “I don’t know. It should only have done that if he had demon blood.”

Jace and Isabelle share a look, and Simon’s breath hitches. Magnus looks between them, but none of them is forthcoming with whatever knowledge they have that Magnus doesn’t share.

Alec sits up with Jace’s help, his hand going to his right hip as he groans in pain. “Help me up,” he asks his brother. Jace seems ready to protest, but he must see something in Alec’s face, because he gets Alec’s arm around his shoulders instead. Isabelle goes to retrieve the crutches and gives them back to Alec, who takes them with trembling hands.

Magnus’ heart tightens, seeing him in such obvious pain. He doesn’t know why—

Or maybe he does. The signs are all there, and it’s time he stopped pretending not to see them.

These Shadowhunters didn’t hurt his lover or his friends. These Shadowhunters were his friends, somehow. And Alec…

Alec is the one who must have broken his heart. That’s the only explanation for what Magnus feels right now. It’s like body memory, almost, a level of compassion and love that cannot possibly come from the few interactions they’ve had that he remembers.

Magnus steels himself against the part of his brain that wants to get the memory box from his nightstand right now and open it. He removed those memories for a reason. Because living with them must have hurt too much.

He’s not going to go back on that and expose himself to that kind of suffering just because he’s curious.

“What does it mean for Clary?” Simon asks.

“I don’t know,” Jace says. “He said she’d be forgiven eventually, but—”

“Angels don’t see the passage of time like you do,” Magnus cuts in. “It could be years. Decades.”

“Is there anything we can do?” Isabelle asks. Alec remains quiet, head down, still leaning against Jace.

“Nothing I can think of,” Magnus answers. He stands up straighter. “Which means you’re no longer in need of my services. Please refrain from coming back here unless there’s a true emergency.”

He doesn’t want the reminder that he decided to erase the last — what, three years? — of his life.

Isabelle looks visibly shaken by that, and she swallows. Alec doesn’t look up at all. He turns away like he doesn’t want Magnus to see his face, and Magnus wonders what he’s trying to hide. Jace throws him a murderous look, and Simon shakes his head in sadness.

“We’ll get out of your hair, then,” Isabelle says quietly. “We won’t bother you again.”

Good riddance, Magnus thinks.

It rings wrong even in his head.

“How are you doing?”

Izzy leans against the door frame of Alec’s office. She looks tired, overworked. She’s taken on so much in the last few months.

It’s been two weeks since Alec collapsed at Magnus’. He can still feel the pain burning through his veins, eating away at his body, each day bringing him closer to the edge.

“I’m fine,” Alec says, putting down his pen. He shifts in his seat painfully, his hip seizing. He’s been sitting still for too long.

“I wish you would stop saying that,” Izzy sighs.

“I wish you would stop asking me,” Alec shrugs.

They’ve been beating around the bush, trying to ignore the elephant in the room. It’s too big to tackle during work days. They go through the motions like it all still matters, the Clave, the Downworld Cabinet, the patrols. Alec can see Jace and Izzy struggle with it, but he can’t do anything for them.

Clary’s gone back to art school, all knowledge of the Shadow World erased from her mind. Alec has made sure that she’s safe and settled, and all that’s left is watching Jace tear himself apart as he grieves. The hope that the angel brought them isn’t enough. Not when it’s so vague.

Not when everything else is falling apart, too.

It’s been just over four months since it started, since the day Alec made a deal with Asmodeus. It feels like an eternity ago, and yet also like it was yesterday. Magnus’ desperation as Alec broke up with him is seared in his mind forever, and it accompanies Alec’s every waking thought.

Magnus doesn’t remember.

It’s a comfort, these days. Losing Magnus will remain the hardest thing Alec has ever done, but he’s thankful for it, however much it hurts. Because it means that Magnus has his magic again, that he can be happy.

Because it means that Magnus doesn’t have to live through the aftermath.

It’s been four months, too, since the Battle of Alicante. Magnus missed it all. He wasn’t there when they all thought they were going to die there, trapped by the demon hordes, caught in between two forces of evil. He wasn’t there to hold Alec’s hand when he woke up in the hospital to a broken body and demon venom coursing through his veins.

He wasn’t there, when they figured out that it was a death sentence.

Catarina slowed the spread of the venom, but nothing she or the Silent Brothers tried could get it out of his system.

“You’re hurting,” Izzy says, walking in fully and closing the door behind her. “I can see it. I know you don’t like the painkillers, but you need them.”

Painfree runes have long stopped working on Alec’s abused body. The mundane pills were Catarina’s idea. She was there in the aftermath of the battle, when Magnus wasn’t, she ran triage with the Silent Brothers and saved countless Shadowhunters. She did her best to piece Alec’s shattered hip back together and she was the one who figured out what was wrong with him.

“They’re not much use anymore,” Alec admits. The pills are some of the strongest on the market, but his Nephilim body metabolizes everything faster than a mundane, and they barely take the edge off.

No, it’s better that Magnus isn’t here. That he didn’t have to sit by Alec’s bedside after the battle, praying at every new treatment, every test, that something would change. That he doesn’t have to watch the venom slowly win over Alec’s body, leaving him weak and trembling. That he won’t have to wait with them for the day it will reach his heart, and it will all be over.

Maybe a year, Catarina told him. If you stop working and rest most of the time.

Alec has done neither. He can’t. He’ll go out of his mind if he tries to rest anymore than he already does. Work takes his mind off things.

He’s still the Head of the Institute, if only because there is barely enough left of the Clave to hold Alicante together, and appointing new Heads has been the least of their problems.

“There has to be something else we can do,” Izzy says. “To relieve the pain, at least.”

“You know there isn’t,” Alec sighs.

She’s not doing well. None of them are. They’re barely holding themselves together.

They lost their father, the day of the battle. Robert Lightwood didn’t make it out of the destroyed city. They’ve lost Clary and Magnus, and now they’re losing Alec too, as his deterioration accelerates with each passing day.

Their whole family is falling apart.

“Let’s go out tonight,” Izzy says, faking lightness. “We can meet Simon and Maia at the Hunter’s Moon. It will be nice.”

Alec wants to say yes, to give her that, a moment of normalcy amid the chaos. But he’s exhausted and in pain, the ache in his hip never letting up. He’s tired of people watching what they say around him. Looking at him like he’s going to disappear any minute.

He shakes his head. “I think I’ll just go to bed early tonight. I could use the rest.”

Izzy nods wordlessly, disappointed but understanding. “I love you, big brother,” she says.

She says it a lot, these days.

“I love you too,” Alec replies, like every other time. There’s nothing else to say. No it’s gonna be okay, Izzy because it’s not, and they both know it.

Someone knock on the door. “Yes?” Alec calls.

Underhill pokes his head in. “Sir, your mother is here.”

“Let her in,” Alec nods. Maryse has been hovering, and he can’t blame her. Looking at Izzy, he can’t deny her the little bit of hope in her eyes. “Let’s make it a family thing,” he says. “Go get Jace and Max.” He can hold off his exhaustion for a few more hours, for them.

Izzy slips out with a smile on her face and Underhill comes back with Maryse in tow.

“Hey, Mom,” Alec smiles weakly, pushing himself up to greet her.

Maryse strides to his side and hugs him tightly. “Alec,” she breathes, love and pain warring in her voice. “How do you feel today?”

“Not great,” Alec murmurs.

He finds himself honest with her, these days, more than he is with his siblings. She’s been his strongest support, despite their once strained relationship, and Alec is too spent to be angry with her as he once was. All of that doesn’t matter, anymore.

Maryse doesn’t break down, at least not in his presence. But Alec is too much like her for his own good, and he can see her pain in every gesture, in the way her hugs last a little longer, the way she tightens her hand on his arm, the way her voice hitches every time she says goodbye after spending time with him.

She hands him his crutches and supports him as he gets situated. Walking is getting harder every day, as the venom lights his nerve endings on fire with every step on his already unstable hip. Maryse just squeezes his shoulder as he hobbles around his desk and hovers until he’s safely sitting on the couch.

“Tell me,” she says quietly, kicking off her shoes and curling up beside him.

They’ve become tactile in a way they never were before. Neither of them likes being touched much, but as it turns out, terminal illness has a way of making you reevaluate your priorities. Alec lets his family hug him as much as they want to now, even on the days it makes his skin crawl.

He sighs, leaning his shoulder against his mother’s. “The new Inquisitor is a homophobic dick. And he wants me removed. He says I can’t do my job anymore.”

“Jia won’t let him do it,” Maryse says.

“I don’t know. He’s not wrong.”

Maryse takes his hand in hers. “Alec, even now, you’re a much better Head than I ever was. You’re holding up admirably in the worst of circumstances.”

“I’m tired,” Alec murmurs. “I don’t know how long I can do this.”

She squeezes his hand, and he sees her swallow back her emotions. “If you feel like you should step down to rest, I’m sure Jens can handle the fort for a while. Until Izzy’s ready.”

Not until you come back. She’s the only one of all of them who faces the inevitable and doesn’t try to pretend that Alec is going to get better. If nothing else, she’s never been one to shy away from the hard truths.

“Maybe soon,” Alec says. He doesn’t want to, but he’s quickly getting to the point where he won’t be able to work anymore. “I miss him,” he adds, his voice breaking. “I can’t stop.”

Alec can’t get Magnus’ face out of his head. The way Magnus looked at him like he was nothing to him. Alec is nothing to him, now. Magnus doesn’t remember any of their time together.

It hurts more than Alec would have thought possible. He’d thought he’d already reached rock bottom, that nothing could possibly hurt worse than breaking up with Magnus. Than waking up in that hospital bed, having lost everything. But that look haunts him.

Maryse just hugs him without a word.

“Alec!” Max exclaims, rushing into the office with his usual energy. Izzy and Jace are on his heels. He jumps on the couch on Alec’s other side, missing Alec’s quick wince when it jostles his leg.

Max is old enough to understand what’s happening, and not quite old enough to know what to do with his emotions. He alternates between acting like everything is fine and randomly bursting into tears, with no in-between. Today seems to be the former, because he starts rambling about his training without a care in the world.

Alec looks up at Jace and they share an entire conversation in an eyebrow raise. Alec keeps his side of the parabatai bond firmly closed, but he knows that his pain leaks through anyway. He can feel Jace’s despair, the way he’s barely hanging on by a thread.

They say the worst pain a Shadowhunter can endure is the loss of his parabatai. Alec remembers the words. It’s one of the things they learn, in the initial parabatai testing. They’re asked if it’s worth it, risking that.

When they gave a resounding yes, their fourteen-year-old brains had no space to comprehend the pain of today.

Jace and Izzy watch Alec like he’s about to disappear, and he knows, he can see, that they can’t yet imagine what will happen after.

They don’t talk about it during the day. It’s too heavy, to much to bear for all of them.

At night, Alec finds himself more often than not sandwiched between Jace and Izzy in his bed. They come claiming they have nightmares or can’t sleep, never quite saying that they just want to feel close to someone else, close to Alec. They say the words, quietly, the words that won’t come out during the day. It was worth it.

And sometimes, where thou diest, I will die. On those days, Alec hugs Jace tight as he tries to convince himself that he doesn’t mean it, that he will go on.

“—and Kara keeps saying I need to work on my defense, but she’s not a teacher!” Max is saying when Alec tunes back into his surroundings. He’s absently drumming his fingers on his good leg, his other hand still in Maryse’s.

“You should listen to her, Max,” Izzy says. “She’s one of the best fighters of her generation. She’s a fairly new transfer,” she explains to Maryse.

“She’s not even a grown-up!” Max protests. “Besides, Aline said she needs to stop overthinking every fight. So she’s not that good.”

“I don’t think you were supposed to hear that,” Alec says, fairly sure that Aline was not referring Kara’s training but rather the frequent phone calls with her deeply transphobic father that send her crying to either of their offices. “You should spend more time training and less time eavesdropping.”

Max pouts and they all laugh, the lightness of the moment freeing them from the stifling sorrow that’s settled between the adults in the room.

Maryse makes the effort to keep the conversation going after that, though she never releases Alec’s hand. It feels good, to have a normal moment with his family. Jace still has shadows in his eyes, but he settles in a chair and even smiles. Izzy’s cheerfulness sounds a bit fake, but she tries. Alec struggles to keep the pain from showing, but he watches them and feels a deep swarm of love for all of them.

After they’re all gone, Alec painfully stumbles back to his desk and pulls up a piece of paper and a pen.

Dear Magnus, he writes. He pauses, and wishes that even Magnus’ name didn’t make him want to cry. Every minute I spent with you was worth the pain it causes me today.

He writes on, until his hand shakes too much to continue. He doesn’t cross out anything, or bother censuring himself. He puts down his pen, finally, and folds the paper carefully.

He unlocks the bottom drawer of his desk with a rune and opens it. He goes to slip the letter he’s just written inside, but he can’t help but stare at the small box there. He doesn’t open it. He knows its contents by heart. He can almost feel it under his finger, the raised edges of the Lightwood crest in smooth silver, the ring he was going to give Magnus. It will go to Izzy, now. There’s a letter for her, underneath the box.

There are other letters, too. One addressed to the next Head of the Institute, instructions on how to keep the Downworld Cabinet going. Alec’s will, freshly updated. Every Shadowhunter is required to draft a will before their first mission in the field, and rewrite it every year. They know better than any other mortal that they can die at any time.

There’s a letter for Jace. One for Maryse. One for Max, who will have to finish growing up without a father and down one brother.

The rest are for Magnus. During the endless days he spent laid up in the hospital, Alec took to writing him letters. In them, he recounted the strongest beats of their relationship, the sweet moments, the hard truths. Everything Alec can remember, since he now has to remember for them both.

He doesn’t think Magnus will ever read them, but he’s not doing this for Magnus. He’s doing this for himself. One last indulgence, since he’s no longer good for anything else.

A drop falls on the top letter, turning the paper darker. Alec jumps and realizes it’s sweat falling down from his hairline. He puts down today’s letter, carefully tucking it in to make a tidy stack, and closes the drawer, his hands trembling a little. His fever is spiking again. In a few hours, he’ll be delirious and out of his mind.

Jace says he cries out for Magnus, in the worst moments. Alec has stopped letting anyone else into his Soundless-rune proofed room. It’s getting worse. It used to happen every few days, but recently, he hardly ever goes a night without losing himself to the venom in his body.

He’s slipping away.

He doesn’t want to die, if only for the pain he knows it will cause his family. But more and more, on days like today, he thinks it might be a relief.

#shadowhunters #malec #malec fic #alec lightwood #magnus bane #isabelle lightwood #jace wayland #angst #take me back to the start #mine #echo's fanfiction #hmdiscord #malec discord server #moonlight-breeze-44 #asks

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sagemoderocklee · 5 years

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I'm curious, since I see your like NaruSai, do you have an headcanons for them?

anon i just want you to know that i am soooo happy you asked for some narusai content! thank youuu!

so from my perspective, naruto is just not someone i can ship with anyone outside of his teammates. like ultimately Sasuke IS the one he’s meant to be with--and y’all know i’m not a fan of soul mate shit but the entire narrative of this series is that they’re soul mates. like naruto constantly chooses sasuke over others, and sasuke is constantly running from naruto because he knows the depth of his feelings... but like despite all this they do have an unhealthy relationship and i think that there’d be a lot of--not even just on again off again but like just so much of that denial and fighting and shit. like for them to get to a place that’s healthy they need to really work at it and i tend to imagine that the only way naruto would date someone else is that between period before he and sasuke have their shit together, or in an awful au where sasuke is like dead or else just never really comes back, where they don’t get their shit together

anyway, i’m saying a lot of words but my point is that naruto could date and truly love sai or sakura, but sasuke is still his soul mate so it’s always kind of a little sad, kind of a whole lot bittersweet when it comes to naruto and sai (or sakura, though i think sakura it’s a little less bittersweet because they are best friends, they’ve known each other so long, they have a beautiful friendship, but still...)

so i’m not sure if you were hoping for canon or like modern au but i tend to lean more towards modern au with narusai cause i think that it’s a lot more plausible in that context

anyway naruto initially cannot stand sai like they end up dormmates in college, and naruto is just Not Feeling It. sasuke hasn’t been in naruto’s life for a good five years or so because Sasuke’s family moved out of Konoha after this whole big drama with Itachi being disowned and Sasuke was REALLY messed up by the whole thing and no one knows what the deal is but it was Not Good. so sasuke basically cuts contact with everyone but ESPECIALLY naruto which is like devastating but naruto can’t really do much about it except try to find sasuke--he constantly checks different social media sites and shit but he’s never had any luck. but what he does remember is sasuke wanting to go to this one specific university (naruto fully does not get accepted to that university). he applies to a bunch of colleges in the area in the hopes that he’ll at least be closer to sasuke

and winds up at the same school as his good friend Rock Lee, so he’s like “oh cool! we should try to room together!”

and then he shows up on his first day at school and he finds that his roommate is this pasty mother fucker with paint all over his fingers and a shit eating grin on his face and the first thing out of sai’s mouth is “i didn’t realise dumbasses could get into college” which immediately pisses naruto off

and it doesn’t stop there. sai is always makes comments about how dumb naruto is and about his dick and he’s always got that dumb smile on his face that pisses naruto off endlessly. he doesn’t get sai for the first like two months of living together and he comes very close to murdering sai on a handful of occasions.

but like sai isn’t actually a shitty person. he’s not trying to be mean he just lived a really sheltered life being homeschooled by his creep of a foster dad who was mean and controlling and never let sai have friends so he’s really just trying to do what he thinks he should do because he watched a bunch of frat boy movies and read some books before college and thinks that he’s just making harmless jokes

he doesn’t exactly stop making fun of naruto but eventually naruto does start to recognize that it’s teasing and not outright malicious. he’s still really confused by sai’s fixation on his junk but he let’s it slide because he’s NOT insecure. once he’s realised that sai’s just really bad at making friends he starts to tease sai back and they settle into a routine

“i brought you dinner, dick-for-brains,” sai will say, plopping some take out on the counter when naruto’s having one of his late night cram sessions which always always send him into a panic because he hates reading and writing and all of this shit. why did he want to go to college anyways?

and he’ll open the container to find his favourite ramen because sai always knows when he needs that little pick me up

“i was at the store so i just picked you up some new paint, i saw you were out of black,” naruto says, lobbing a bag at sai’s head. he’d been at the convenience store which is NOT that art store but the art store’s only like... a fifteen minute walk from the convenience store and okay maybe the paint isn’t cheap but sai’s always running out of black paint and naruto knows he cut ties with his shitty foster dad so he knows money isn’t exactly something sai has whereas naruto does have a pretty hefty trust fund from his parents plus he’s always been very good at saving money and he worked a lot in high school. so what if he drops $10 a bottle on the fancy paints sai likes best. it’s what friends do.

eventually, over the course of rooming together, sai also meets naruto’s friends. lee ended up getting put with this really intense red-head from Suna who according to Lee is ‘actually quite sweet once you get to know him’--Naruto isn’t fooled. he knows a crush on rock lee when he sees one--but not being dormmates hasn’t stopped Lee and naruto from hanging out, so Lee is the first person Sai actually meets in Naruto’s friend group. he immediately makes Lee cry when he makes fun of his looks and Naruto does actually punch sai on the arm hard enough to bruise and sort of squawks at Sai, “DON’T MAKE LEE CRY!”

sai never ever insults lee ever again. he is in fact overly polite to lee after that. when lee brings gaara to meet naruto and sai, gaara glares at sai a lot. naruto thinks that the feelings might, surprisingly be mutual between gaara and lee.

after lee and gaara, sai meets sakura. naruto secretly hopes that he insults her just because he’d love to see her sucker punch him--for the comedy--but sai has learned his lesson after lee and is much more gracious upon meeting sakura and her gf ino. sakura goes to a nearby medical school while ino is going to another school studying botany.

eventually it becomes the norm for the six of them to all get together on friday or saturday nights, either in Naruto and sai’s room or Gaara and Lee’s. Sakura and Ino don’t mind commuting a bit since they both go to different schools.

over the course of his first six months rooming with sai, naruto is still determined to find sasuke. but it hurts. sometimes sai will find naruto with red puffy eyes and in a somber mood, but naruto never explains why. but it clearly is taking a toll on him. sasuke clearly doesn’t want to be found and naruto hasn’t ever been successful. at some point after their break, when he’s gone back home to see his foster brother Iruka, Naruto’s decided he’s gotta stop. it’s time.

he also missed sai a lot more than he expected. when he gets back to their dorm he throws the door open, shouting, “honey im home!” and maybe he’s still feeling Not Himself, but he’s excited to see sai

sai didn’t go anywhere for the break so he’s there when naruto gets back, same as ever, painting in the grey winter light coming from the open window. i think he has a sort of epiphany then that sai’s actually kinda cute and he’s fun and naruto’s never cried because of him. it’s not like that clear of course, but there’s a feeling and he just sort of comes into the room, the joking nature of his words contrasting sharply with the weight of all the mulling over sasuke he’d done over the break and he just collapses on sai’s bed and watches him paint quietly

sai glances over at him, confused. “did you finally measure your dick and not like the results?”

the joke doesn’t land so he knows somethings wrong. he stops painting. naruto can’t look at him. he rolls onto his back, looking up at the ceiling. his chest hurts.

“have you ever been in love?” naruto asks

sai sets down his paintbrush, getting and leaning over naruto so he’s forced to stare at the entirely deadpan expression on his face as he says, “yes, i’ve had so much experience with romance, being a shut in and all.”

naruto shoves at sai, but he can’t bring himself to laugh. “it’s not all its cracked up to be-ttebayo”

“then why do they make so many movies about it?”

naruto sniffles. he really thought he was done crying over sasuke. he chokes out a laugh. sai throws caution to the wind and climbs into his bed next to naruto. naruto doesn’t normally talk about things when he’s crying and if sai has learned anything it’s that this is a Big Moment.

“i believe that in this situation, as your friend, i should offer to kick said breaker of your heart’s ass?”

naruto does laugh, turning over and staring up at sai. “if you can find him, sure. but i wouldn’t worry about it.”

“i won’t. i’m terrible at fighting. i’d probably just throw paint at him.”

naruto feels warmer having sai there to comfort him. he’s not exactly sure when he moves closer just that eventually he’s practically touching sai and he just feels better. calmer. more centered. he falls asleep in the middle of sai talking about his break which consisted of painting and sometimes meeting gaara for lunch.

when he wakes up, sai’s asleep, curled around naruto who at some point must have scooted closer because there was definite cuddling. naruto decides to keep sleeping.

somehow, after that, though they never actually talk about it, naruto stops sleeping in his own bed.

he also stops looking for sasuke.

and at some point, sai’s teasing is accompanied by kisses

#naruto #shippuden #sai #uzumaki naruto #narusai #otp: it was never meant to be #team seven #uchiha sasuke #oh look including gaalee despite this being something completely different? that's not like my brand or anything #anyway this is like whatever but im sups tired and once again feel sick #i'll need to do more narusai hcs another night #maybe just like a bunch of bullet points with cute things #Anonymous

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